UBC Publications

UBC Publications

UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Apr 1, 1976

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Array Education hurt by budget
The 1976 provincial budget introduced Friday by Social Credit
finance minister Evan Wolfe will
hurt universities, which had their
capital funds cut in half and
operating funds increased by only
9.5 per cent.
University operating funds this
year have been increased to $164.5
million from $150.2 million last
year. Capital grants, were cut
from $12 million last year to $6
million this year. Of the $12 million
last year, UBC got $10 million.
Universities council chairman
William Armstrong said in an
interview Wednesday the council
will meet next week to start
dividing the funds between B.C.'s
three public universities.
He also said changes will be
introduced soon to the .Universities
Act which will allow capital
projects to be funded by university
"The $6 million (allocated this
year) was a stop gap thing until the
new legislation comes through," he
"Most of the $6 million is for
completing projects in progress
and for renovations."
Under the former Socred
government, large capital projects
such as the Columbia and Peace
River hydroelectric projects were
listed as "contingent liabilities," of
crown corporations.
Through this terminology, the
Socred government declared itself
debt-free for 20 years despite the
massive debts incurred for these
Education minister Pat McGeer
said in an interview last week the
Universities Act would be changed
to allow long-term planning of
capital projects.
When asked about the money
allocated in the budget for
operating funds, Armstrong said:
"It was a good deal less than we
had asked."
He said once the Universities
Council allocates funds, the
university administrations will
have to decide which programs
will be reduced.
UBC administration president
Doug Kenny said in a letter this
week to faculty that the coming
year "could be a difficult one for
the university." The next fiscal
year begins April 1.
Kenny said he has met with other
administration officials to prepare
contingency plans to meet the anticipated cutbacks.
"We are concerned to maintain
the standards and vitality of the
basic academic enterprise of
teaching and research.  We also
UBYSSEY STAFFERS commit suicide Wednesday, overwhelmed by
horrifying discovery they too are students and must face traumatic
experience of writing final exams, as well as enduring nerve shattering
—james kent photo
ordeal of putting out best student newspaper east of Japan all year.
Meanwhile, leering monster Doug Field crawls over retaining wall to
feast on still fresh bodies.
More UBC graduates face fewer jobs
After four years of academic
headaches, financial hassles and
other assorted deprivations, a lot
of university students will walk off
the graduation platform this year
without jobs.
Student placement officers at
both the university and federal
Manpower level readily admit the
same thing —this year's graduates
face the worst job outlook ever.
The reason they give is singular
— the economy is in rough shape
and in times of economic slowdown
corporations, governments and
small businessmen just don't hire.
Dick Shirran, in charge of UBC
student services, says that company hiring practises are at a low
level this year and will remain that
way until the financial picture
looks brighter.
"A lot of companies are holding
back just waiting to see which way
the economy will go," he said in a
recent interview.
There's another problem too —
while the economy is at a low point,
universities are turning out more
graduates than ever before.
A report prepared in 1970 for the
Economic Council of Canada
predicted that "university full-
time enrolment alone in 1980-81
may   reach   the   750,000   level
compared with 260,000 in 1967-68,"
an almost 200 per cent increase.
In British Columbia, post-
secondary university enrolment is
expected to reach 80,000 by 1980 —
compared to a mere 29,000 in 1968.
The report also predicted that
between 1967 and 1981 there would
be increases of 130 per cent in the
number of bachelor's degrees, a
310 per cent rise in the number of
master's degrees and a 470 per
cent jump in the number of doctorate degrees granted.
U.S. figures show a similar
trend. Although 1.3 million BAs,
MAs and Ph.D.s will be granted
this year, the number of
professional, managerial and
technical jobs in the U.S. has risen
by little more than a third.
Shirran says UBC grads at the
bachelor level will number about
3,600 this year, about the same as
last year, but he says it's difficult
to determine just how many of
those grads his office will be able to
"It's really too early to pull this
type of information together," he
says. "A lot of the companies don't
know what they're doing yet and
while we've made  contact  with
Goodies and goodbyes
The Ubyssey unabashedly wraps up yet another record-breaking
year with a bevy of goodies in our last issue.
And as an extra added bonus, this issue includes a special pull-out,
fold-up, cut-up goon issue. This year, Ubyssey staffers have chosen
that upper class jock favorite, Sports Illustrated, to spoof. It starts on
page 9 and there is an explanation of how to read it on page 8, complete
with diagrams and humorous drawings. If you can't figure it out, you
don't belong at UBC.
As if that isn't enough, Chris Gainor wraps up the year in a feature
starting on page 3. On the same page, Mark Buckshon looks at the way
the UBC administration is handling continuing education. And on page
7, Habitat is examined by Nancy Southam.
All those goodies should hold you until The Ubyssey returns next
September for another great year.
them we haven't received much
"So the results are unavailable
but they are likely to be the same
as last year."
Shirran has recently released a
report about post graduation activities of 1975 UBC graduates in
selected faculties, which details
what graduates of UBC's 17
faculties and schools' did after
graduating last spring.
According to the report:
"Science and arts graduates had
the greatest difficulty obtaining
employment, having an unemployment rate for those seeking
employment of 25 per cent and 22.5
per cent respectively."
Although the. figures and
statistics are a year old, they are
most likely an accurate reflection
of things to come this year, as
Shirran admits.
What are some of the highlights?
For arts students — 52.5 per cent
continued their education in some
form, either in grad school, a
professional program or some
other way. Forty per cent sought
employment and more than 22 per
cent of those seeking jobs were
"Many of those employed were
working in jobs unrelated to their
See page 2: MORE
want to preserve as much capacity
as possible for initiative and
development in at least some areas
of that enterprise," Kenny said.
Funds allocated for student
scholarships and bursarys were
cut from $12 million last year to $10
But Byron Hender, UBC's
student awards director, said
Wednesday the cut should make
little difference because not all of
last year's student aid budget was
"I don't think there will be a
major decrease in the aid package
available to students.
"The feeling I have from the
people I talked to in the
(education) department is that
there hasn't been a substantial
cut," Hender said.
Hender said less than $11 million
was spent last year on scholarships
and bursaries.
But Lake Sagaris, chairwoman
of the B.C. Student Federation,
said Wednesday the student aid
budget was not fully spent last year
because of  poor  administration.
Many students had difficulty
obtaining any aid at all, Sagaris
said. "That $2 million cut is going
to hurt people."
Sagaris also rapped the
government for small increases in
budgets for community colleges.
She said that while McGeer
promised 18 per cent increases,
many colleges have been told they
will have only eight per cent more
next year.
safe to
eat, drink
The Ubyssey is safe to both eat
and drink, according to the results
of an experiment by two UBC
chemistry students.
The experiment, conducted by
Glenn Piwowar and Gordon Giles,
both science 2, showed the lead
content of The Ubyssey is well
within federal safety limits.
Piwowar said Wednesday the
pair boiled the newspaper in nitric
acid for five hours to measure its
lead content.
"The Ubyssey is legal to eat,
drink and play with," Piwowar
said. "You could soak it in orange
juice for days, drink the orange
juice and still suffer no ill effects."
But Piwowar said regularly
eating The Ubyssey could cause
loss of hair, festering sores and
slow healing of cuts as the results
of a lead build-up in the body.
"If you ate The Ubyssey each
day there would be a dangerous
build-up," he said.
Giles said the pair decided to test
the newspaper's lead content
because they suspected the ink
used in printing it would produce
relatively high levels.
"We decided the two best things
to boil in nitric acid for five hours
would be The Ubyssey and our lab
Giles said The Ubyssey emitted a
smelly brown gas while being
boiled in the acid then burst into
flames shortly before the end of the
five hour experiment.
Giles attributed the combustion
to the newspaper's "radical
nature." He said only a small pile
of "mush" remained of The
Ubyssey at the end of the five
The boiled lab manual showed a
lower lead content than The
Ubyssey, Piwowar said. The lab
manual's lead content was 1.46
parts per million and The
Ubyssey's was 2.11, he said.
Both levels are well within the
federal safety standards which
prohibit lead content levels above
5,000 parts per million. Page 2
Thursday,  April   1,   1976
More unemployed males
From page 1
academic majors," the report
said, and continued, "it is apparent
that many of the graduates were
engaged in employment that was
not related to their education. The
implication of this should not be
overlooked by those engaged in
educational or career planning."
For science grads — 52.9 per cent
continued in other educational
programs, while 41.1 per cent
sought employment and only 75 per
cent of those were successful. On a
departmental basis, zoology had
the highest unemployment rate
with 42.3 per cent, followed by
geology with 40 per cent and
physics with 30 per cent.
"Some of the B.Sc. graduates
who found employment were either
underemployed or employed in
jobs not related to their degrees,"
the report said.
Rick Longton, engineering 4 and
placement representative for the
engineering undergraduate
society, says applied science grads
"face one of the worst years ever"
in the search for jobs.
"Engineers are hired by the big
companies for the most part and
their hiring is related to the
economic situation," he says,
adding that there are 20 per cent
fewer jobs being offered to gears
this year than last year.
Electrical engineers will be the
hardest hit, because of B.C. Hydro
cutbacks, and chemical engineers
will get off easiest primarily
because of a small class size,
Longton says.
Last year, 5.7 per cent of applied
science grads seeking employment
failed to land a job.
Mark Dwor, president of the law
students association, says all law
graduates will find articles this
year but some may have to leave
the city to do it.
"We now anticipate that all
students will be absorbed
somewhere in the province. It's not
so much of a problem as it was
three months ago," he says.
But Dwor adds that the situation
will get worse as law schools in'
Victoria and Calgary begin
graduating students in the next
year or two.
He says that by 1983 there will be
twice as many lawyers in B.C. as
there were in 1973. Is law school
worth it with jobs in short supply?
"It's economically and intellectually fulfilling and provides
opportunities for social mobility. I
don't   think   anyone   has   ever
1601 West 5 th Avenue, Vancouver B.C. Telephone: 7310912
march 25 april 3 /it
& *
opened daily 8-6
closed on Sunday
promised a law student a position
when he gets out," Dwor says.
According to Shirran's report,
96.5 per cent of law students
seeking articles obtained them last
year, out of a surveyed grad class
of 207 students.
Jack MacDonald, forestry undergraduate society placement
officer, says only 25 out of 76
forestry grads have received
permanent jobs this year.
See page 21: FORESTRY
SOLUTION: Register with the UBC
Tutorial Centre, 12:30 - 1:30 p.m.,
Speak-Easy. Fee $1. They'll find you
a tutor. For information call
228-4557 anytime. Fee refundable if
no tutor is available.
A programme of the UBC Alumni Association
weawea wea
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Five singles given away with every
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Saturday, April 70
THE     WHOLE    WORLD     IS     GOIN'
Thousands of Deleted LP's
from  99
10 LP's for only $6""
The place to buy a music system
PHONE 682-6144
FRIDAY UNTIL 9 P.M. Thursday,  April   1,   1976
Page 3
Continuing ed crumb to public
The place of continuing
education at UBC is paradoxical.
It has always been less than
secure, as continuing education is
not a simple thing to define and
administer, and it involves activities often in conflict with those
people who want to maintain an
ivory tower campus.
But when money runs short and
public pressure increases, the
university administration realizes
it must grind out public relations
statements about the university
"reaching into the community."
Continuing education is associated
directly with the reachout effort,
and would be a major beneficiary
if the effort was real.
So the university went into the
continuing education business in a
big way in the desperate '30s,
almost completely dropped it at
the height of the university boom in
the mid-'60s and at least started
talking more favorably of it in the
austere '70s during the last days of
the NDP government.
The result of that talk and public
relations blitz: the university is
expanding its correspondence
course offerings and has sent an
official to live in Vernon.
And a new administrative
position was established, director
of continuing education, to tie the
conflicting threads of UBC's extension programs together.
The director would have real
power. He would manage the
university's Centre for Continuing
Education but he would also watch
over independent continuing
education programs offered by the
faculties of commerce and
medicine. And with a senate seat
and a place at the table with the
^secretive committee of deans, the
new director would have direct
contact with the academic barons
who make major decisions about
the university's direction.
But the position, held for about
SQUAWK BOX at last allows blind students to solve math, chemistry problems electronically. Calculator
actually talks to studen.ts — provides needed help to more than 30 blind students on campus who now can-
lighten workload by listening. Blind economics student Reed Poynter demonstrates in Crane library.
Nader nixes nuclear power
Consumer advocate Ralph
Nader would rather see the burning of B.C.'s waste forest
products than the construction and
export of Candu nuclear reactors.
Both are possible solutions to the
much-publicized energy crisis, but
Nader told a UBC audience on
Monday the nuclear alternative is
absurdly expensive and unsafe.
He said the basic solution to the
energy crisis is to use less energy
in the first place, and a secondary
solution is to use the best and
cheapest fuel available — the sun.
But Nader, who has switched
from criticizing Corvairs as unsafe
automobiles to attacking
Westinghouse for its appeals for
money to construct nuclear power
plants, said consumers face an
uphill battle in overcoming the
industrial and government interests who are pressing for ex-
calls for action
pansion of nuclear power
Speaking to about 500 students in
the SUB ballroom, Nader called for
establishment of a student-funded
consumer action group at UBC to
oppose nuclear developments here
and in Washington State.
Nader said nuclear power is
economically unfeasable and much
more dangerous than the nuclear
advocates would like people to
He said nuclear development
started after the Second World War
with the belief nuclear power
would be very inexpensive.
But with 57 reactors in the U.S.
now, Nader said none of them
would exist without government
tax breaks, research funds, and
insurance coverage.
Hecriticized "billions of dollars"
of American government federal
subsidies towards questionable
nuclear power plant construction
and Canada's controversial Candu
Nader said the Candu reactor
design has safety qualities not
apparent with American nuclear
reactors, but said the storage and
use of plutonium in Canadian
reactors is still extremely
Nader said Canadian law allows
the federal government to keep
secret data about the dangers and
costs about nuclear development
which would have to be made
public in the U.S.
And he criticized Canada's
policy of selling reactors to undeveloped countries. "It's a dream
reactor to make nuclear weapons
— as India found out," he said,
referring to India's use of a Candu
reactor to make a nuclear bomb.
six months by Walter Hardwick
who left in January to become
deputy education minister, is now
vacant, and UBC vice-president
Michael Shaw indicated Wednesday the university is in no rush
to find a replacement for the
former director.-
"He (Hardwick) is on a leave of
absence from his academic
position so there is an acting
director of the Centre for Continuing Education," Shaw said.
"There is no one appointed as
acting director of continuing
Shaw was asked if that means
high-level continuing education
policy-making is in abeyance. "In
one sense I guess they are," he
"We set up a committee — it was
going to advise the director of
continuing education," he said.
Shaw said he now heads the
committee, which has met once,
but in the telephone interview he
said he can't remember the names,;
of the committee members or even
how many there are. And, Shaw
said, he doesn't know when the
next committee meeting will be.
With the departure of Hardwick,
the top man for continuing
education at UBC is Jindra Kulich,
who heads the Centre for Continuing Education.
But   Kulich's   place   in   the ,
university   hierarchy   is   com- ;
paratively low. He said in a recent !
interview he has never met with or
spoken to administration president
Doug Kenny about continuing education   policies,   dealing   instead
with Shaw, vice-president for academic development.
Kulich is in charge of a hodgepodge department on the periphery
of the university, distant from
most on-campus students except
through brochures sent to their
parent's homes.
The department, with about 60
employees and an annual budget of
around $2 million, administers
matt king photof intersession evening classes,
ii.. <->-i-..i_.._- COITespondence courses, travel
programs, humanities, fine arts
a«d professional development
programs, language training and'
an assortment of other areas.
During the interview Kulich said
he is aware of criticisms that the
centre specializes in courses for
rich west-side matrons who want to
dabble   in   culture   instead   of
providing adequate opportunities
, ... for   real   credit   and   non-credit
Nader said one thing holding the   education   to  people   of   various
government   and   utilities   from   economic positions throughout the
constructing   new   plants   is   the   provmce
See page 23: USE But     Kulich     raised     other
But Nader's main criticism was
against the American government
and   electrical   utilities
questions. What kind of "continuing education" should the
centre — or for that matter, the
entire university — provide when
extension courses are also offered
by schoolboards and community
And who should pay for the
continuing education — the student
who benefits, or the university in
meeting its obligation of providing
public service?
They are difficult questions to
answer. Kulich, who seems to
know what he is talking about
(although the main university
administration doesn't seem interested in listening to him) said it
is fine to say the university should
offer courses in consumer
economics to east-side Vancouver
residences as well as travel-
culture tours of Europe for those
with the money and free time.
But it is another matter to get
people to attend.
"I've put on programs and I
never got the people," Kulich said,
describing his work in Alberta
before coming to UBC. "I had no
trouble filling the recreational type
"But when I put on what I felt
was a damn good program about
consumer economics . . . how the
hell do you make your salary
stretch to cover everything? How
do you make sure you get the best
buys, how do you cope with finance
companies to your best advantage . . .
"In a town of 2,000, two people
turned up."
And Kulich said the course was
offered for a nominal $2 fee and
given advance publicity.
The questions are serious.
Should continuing education be
forced on those who "need" it?
And, for that matter, could that
kind of continuing education, of
real benefit to people who have had
little or no contact with the
university, better be offered by
school boards, in closer contact
with the people of the community.
Oddly enough, those arguments
are the ammunition used by
academic elitists who don't really
support extension education.
One of these was former UBC
president John MacDonald who in
the mid-'60s virtually killed the
university's extension program so
he could expand the university's
graduate school.
A variety of efforts, including
schemes developed from the '30s
when the university, in a desperate
effort for funds, started sending
lecturers and holding discussions
See page 7. CONTINUING
Ed rulers change in year
The past academic year has
unmistakably been a year of great
change, especially when it comes
to the people who decide what sort
of education students get.
From the minister of education,
through the UBC administration,
to the lowliest student politician,
the people are different from a
year ago and the rules of the game
are different.
Last summer, Walter Gage
retired as administration president
after a 50-year career at UBC, and
handed over the reins of UBC's
administration to Doug Kenny,
who has tried to shape that
bureaucracy to his own taste.
In the Dec. 11 provincial election,
Dave Barrett's socialist NDP
government was removed from
office and Bill Bennett's Social
Credit party was swept in on a
wave of fear.
The NDP's less-than-competent
education minister Eileen Dailly
was replaced by one-time Liberal
Pat McGeer, who has had little
time to deal with education due to
his post as president of the troubled
Insurance Corporation of B.C.
And in the Alma Mater Society,
student politicos were operating
under the first really new constitution in 50 years. What didn't
change is that the AMS achieved
little over the past year.
As the Christmas exams began,
students were faced with picket
lines set up by the striking
Association of University and
College Employees, who walked
out after the administration
dragged its heels in negotiations
and tried to take away rights won
Students ignored the picket lines,
except for the few who supported
the strike and those who threw
missiles at the picketers. The
strike ended after seven days and a
contract was later signed.
The strike came after three
months of negotiations, which were
further complicated by the introduction of federal anti-inflation
The federal program comes
down hard on ordinary wage
earners but not on corporations.
AUCE members, by signing a less-
than-satisfactory contract,
became the first of many unions to
come face to face with the
The strike was the first major
test of the newly-revamped UBC
administration set up by president
Doug Kenny.
Kenny, the former arts dean who
took office July 1 after a year of
leisurely preparation, appointed
four vice-presidents to help him
handle the burgeoning administration.
Former agriculture dean
Michael Shaw became veep
responsible for university
development, longtime UBC
bursar William White is responsible for UBC's finances, former
Construction Labor Relations
Association head Chuck Connaghan oversees non-academic
affairs (including labor relations)
and physics department heavy
Erich Vogt is in charge of
academic affairs.
Before long heads began to roll
as Kenny and his four veeps
revamped the administration.
Housing head Leslie Rohringer,
personnel and labor relations head
John McLean and academic
planning head Robert Clark quit or
were shunted aside.
Seepage 17: STATUS Page 4
Thursday,   April   1,   1976
See you in September . . .
Goodbye. Au revoir. Auf
This is it: the end of a
year that will have been
almost eight months, and 68
Ubysseys, long.
This is our last issue of
the year. We hope you enjoy
it as much as we enjoyed
putting it together.
For those of you who
want a rest from editorials
that criticize (God knows
there are a lot of you), this
one is for you. Hell — we're
as sick of criticizing people as
you are of reading the
We wish everyone good
luck in their essays, exams
and whatever other horrors
they have to live through in
the next three weeks.
We hope everybody gets a
job this summer, vain as that
hope may be. And for those
people graduating, we hope
you get a job doing what you
want to do.
Published Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays throughout the
university year by the Alma Mater Society of the University of
B.C. Editorial opinions are those of the staff and not of the AMS
or the university administration. Member, Canadian University
Press. The Ubyssey publishes Page Friday, a weekly commentary
and review. The Ubyssey's editorial offices are located in room
241K of the Student Union Building. Editorial departments,
228-2301; Sports, 228-2305; Advertising, 228-3977.
Editor: Gary Coull
The note simply appeared one day in his basket. A shiver went down
Marcus Gee's spine — when he saw the signature at the bottom: D. L.
Bureaucrat. The Old Man almost never communicates with the staff any
more. Must be big. The note was a simple phrase, "See me, Gee. DLB."
So instead of going to lunch that day at the exclusive Hong Mung Club
where he usually dined alone with two or three of his favorite disguises
(Nancy Southam and Margrett George topped his list these days), Gee
slipped behind the wheel of his immaculate 2CV. Picking himself up off
the firewall where he was stuck behind the brake pedal, he brushed himself
off and got into the driver's seat a little more carefully this time. He started
the car. He put it in reverse."He backed out of his private parking stall
outside the 13-storey Pitman Business School and Espionage Academy.
And he drove 13 miles through driving rain and two more through rain that
was learning parallel parking, to the secret country manor of the Old Man.
Ah, yes, this must be the place, he thought, as he pulled into the Old
Man's Slipper Inn Motel (rooms hourly, color TV in every room, magic
fingers).. He parked outside the manager's office and parked. He rang the
"Hello Cummings. Gee here. The Old Man around?"
"Mr. Cummings to you, douchenozzle," said Peter Cummings, the Old
Man's butler and sometime lady friend. "And wipe your fuckin' feet. You
think all I want to do all day is clean up after you pigs, don't you? Some
day, when I'm the Old Man, you'll be sorry!"
"I'll say," snarled Gee. "Hi, DLB," for it was indeed DLB who had
come out of the back to the counter.
The Old Man displayed no sign of recognition. "Ah, yes, Mr. and Mrs.
Brown from New York, is it? Room 226."
"Oh, I get it. This is secret, eh?"
"Pardon me? I don't understand."
"Never mind." Gee snatched the key and went to room 226, which was
marked, "Back room. Authorized personnel only. Mark Buckshon will not
be admitted under any circumstances."
He turned the key and opened the door. A woman was fluffing a pillow
on the double bed. "Oh, sorry," said Gee, and was about to leave when the
woman said, "It's me' G. (for the Old Man never called anybody by their
name, but always only by their last initial.)"
"Yes, G., it's me, Sue Vohanka. I'm the Old Man."
Gee was stunned. He was also surprised because he thought the Old
Man was a man. "But what about the man behind the counter      .'"
"So you've already met Ralph Maurer, eh? Also known as the D L
Bureaucrat? Yes, he's our best man and one of our best women, too He'll
be our only contact after this meeting. But anyway, here's what I called
you in for.' She thrust a bound sheaf of papers at him. It was marked Top
Secret; First Level; Code Yellow; Eyes Only at the top, and cc: Michael
Sasges, Maureen Boyd, the Ubyssey and Mark Lepitre, the Voice of
America, at the bottom. Its title was, Random Interstices-Determined Flow
Spectrum of a Group Dynamic Situation (subtitled: Who really has all the
power on The Ubyssey.) Gee opened the report, brushed a pubic hair off
the page and started reading:
Confidential report to: Doug Rushton, director, Central Lack of
Intelligence Agency;
From: Nancy Southam, who knows practically everything.
On December 11,  1975   (the  report continued), the new government
ordered   a   report   on   The   Ubyssey,   a   "student   newspaper"  of  definite
Communistic  bent.  According  to  The  Ubyssey's public relations office,
Heather Walker The    Ubyssey    is    a    "democratically-run    student
newspaper.' He said the editor was one Gary Coull, a nice, quiet
middle-class kid. However, it is unlikely that this clean, nice, Liberal kid
actually affects the tone of the newspaper, which is highly subversive
My recommendation to you, Mr. Rushton, is that a CLIA operative be
assigned  to  infiltrate The Ubyssey,  find out who really has the power in
that alleged "democratically-run" paper; to isolate the troublemaker and to
Here the memo ended.
Gee looked up. "It's not you, is it?"
The Old Man started, then hurriedly said, "What? Oh, no no, not me
It's ... somebody else. That is why I called you in G., what you have to
do is grow your hair, wash your face, gain 60 pounds and become your
little sister — well call her Caroline. As Caroline G., you will "join" The
Ubyssey again and root out the mole."
Gee pushed open the outer door of The Ubyssey's palatial offices in the
765-storey    Ubyssey   News    Enterprise   Tower   in    midtown    Manhattan.
"Personnel,   please,"  he said  to  the receptionist, the pert and vivacious
Chris   Gainor,   the   famous   hermaphroditic sumo wrestler who  had  the
flaming bathtub love affair with faded silver screen beauty Carl Vesterback.
"Personnel-ly, if I were you, I wouldn't apply for a job here," Gainor
cracked,  "if you  get  one,  they'll  keep  Ubyssey.  Get it? Keep you busy?
The director of personnel was Matt King. "Now, Miss Gee, why do you
wish to join The Ubyssey, and in what capacity?" Have you any reporting
"Well, no."
"Fine, then. You're hired. Congratulations."
"Gee thanks, Mr. King. Say, I was wondering — you don't work for the
CLIA, do you?"
King's demeanor grew stern, or oats, depending upon the crop rotation.
"You'll want to speak to Mr. Len MacKave, our staff security officer, on
that."  He  pressed  a  button  on the intercom.  "Ms. Woodward — Paisley,
would you please show this transvetite to Mr. MacKave's office?"
"Get sucked, King. Does he like Bob Dylan?"
Gee crossed the busy bio city newsroom on his way to MacKave's
cavernous office. Ace reporters Cedric Tetzel and Rod Mickleburgh
discussed in low voices a story they were working on.
"What do you make of this break-in at the democratic headquarters?"
asked Cedric from three floors below.
"I think we should memo it off and get busy on this feature on the
1960s," said the voice of Rod Mickleburgh from the subway that rumbled
57 floors beneath them.
Meanwhile, Charlie Rendina, Greg Edwards, Lesley Krueger and Ross
Barlow drummed a staccato on their Underwoods, Andrew Shearon and
Steve Morris joined in on IBM Selectric and tympany and were offered
subtle counterpoint by the bassoons of Gregg Thompson, Robert Diotte
and Ron Binns, while soloist Doug Field gave the music a rich textural
lushness with his stunning violin playing; Heather Walker was the
conductor of the piece, Serbian composer Tom Barnes' masterpiece
Lumberjack Song, first movement andante.
Copy runner Cheryl Wiens came and went as the clock struck four,
killing one and seriously injuring three.
"Have you ever seen Sucha Singh," exclaimed photo editor Patti-Reay
Gee walked past a corner of the newsroom that had been blocked off
and made to resemble a storefront office. Over the fake office was a little
sign:  Page Tuesday, Wednesday and  Friday at  2:30 p.m.  during  months
Continued on page 6
Hopefully (again), you've
learned something during the
year, whether it was in
classes, in some
extracurricular activity, or
from the people you've met
and parties and orgies you've
Maybe you've even
learned something from this
here journal. If not, the staff,
which has toiled thanklessly
for you since even before
registration week in
September has toiled in vain.
Things might not always
be great here at UBC, but for
most of us things are as great
as they'll ever be. Remember,
these are the good old days;
some day we'll look back at
all this and laugh. These are
fun   times   and   some   day
you'll realize just how much
we've all been getting away
with a lot more than we
should have.
Finally, thank you for
reading The Ubyssey this
year. Thank you for your
cards, letters and advice. Eor
those of you who are coming
back in the fall, see you in
September. We'll look a little
"Now see here, Bradshaw, we at Ajax don't play little games with PINS!!
As your publishing year draws to
a close, may I take just a moment
of your valuable time to commend
The Ubyssey staff for another
excellent year.
Your reporting has been superb,
your cartoons magnificent and
your editorials profound.
And I have it on good authority,
that prospects for next year are
even better — despite the two-
headed monster!
Gary Coull
arts 4
Now that it has come to the end
of The Ubyssey's publishing year, I
find that I must take time to
commend the photographers that
have worked for the paper this
year. The degree of competency
and innovation shown by these
talented people have helped to
make the paper a joy to read.
Congratulations on the excellent
Doug Field
commerce 3
I suspect it is a vain hope, but I
would like to think that the junior
politicians in the Alma Mater
Society have learned something
about the priorities of most UBC
students, in light of the absurdly
low turnout for the National Union
of Students and B.C. Student
Federation referendums.
When only seven or eight per
cent of the student population is
sufficiently motivated to vote in
favor of such a proposal, it casts
serious doubts on the worth of the
AMS as a serious representative of
these people.
At least 90 per cent of them could
have told the society that they are
here to get some sort of education,
and couldn't care less if the whole
university joined the Girl Guides,
before   more  student   fees   were
wasted on such a farcical vote.
When the time comes that bodies
like the AMS feel that students
must federate* and unionize, I can
only assume there is precious little
to complain about, and that such
groups, like so many trade unions,
have outlived their usefulness.
Philip Magnall
arts 3
We are two of the thousands of
lonely women on campus. We too
are frustrated promoters of
campus romance.
Speaking from personal experiences, you are right — artsmen
are a pitiful sect. It's an effort for
them to come up to the human
level. Their body temperature is a
constant 10 degrees Celsius. Gears
are probably so much more
Heather Johnston has obviously
made her choice: Harold Mann.
Write her off as a lost cause and
consider us. We are second year
science students, fairly good-
looking, and eager for new social
We are interested in conducting
an objective biological seminar
concerning the lack of romance on
campus. We feel that we share the
same .. . urn, goals! This is also an
open invitation to any ready,
willing, and/or able, six-foot, good-
looking, intelligent males interested in scientific research.
Sarah Thompson
Anne Agnew
This letter has been written in
response to Tim Grant's article in
the March 23 Ubyssey.
Firstly, I question Grant's
opening assertion that "most of us
are at university because we see it
as the route to better jobs and
higher wages." He provides no
basis for this assertion.
I for one do not see the university
as a glorified vocational school.
Rather, I would contend that the
primary function of the university
is to facilitate learning.
If that learning has a later pay
off in terms of "better" jobs and
higher wages, that's fine.
However, that is not what it is
primarily for (at least not what it
should be for).
Secondly, I strongly oppose the
connection which Grant draws
between the wages for housework
movement and the wages for
students movement.
There is a very basic difference
between housework and studies
despite the fact that both go unpaid
in any direct sense.
Housework, of course, is usually
done by women primarily as a
service to their husbands and
children. Because it is a service
performed for others, there is a
legitimate basis to the claim for
In contrast, schoolwork is done
as a service to oneself. Only in a
very indirect sense can most of
what goes on at universities be
considered as a service to society
or to future employers.
There are few academic
disciplines which actually impart
knowledge or skills which will be
put to use in an occupational
context. Most of the disciplines
which do perform this function are
the professional ones such as
medicine, dentistry, law, and
When one considers that the cost
to society of educating one doctor
is roughly $250,000, it hardly seems
reasonable to expect the public to
increase this cost by paying
medical students, particularly in
light of the high salaries which
they will receive when they enter
If the claims of these students to
wages are legitimate, then it
follows that the salaries they
receive after graduation are
illegitimate. You can't have it both
Grant states that "more fundamentally, it (schoolwork) is
work because as students, we are
actively engaged in producing a
very important product — ourselves — as a specifically trained
segment of the future labor force."
This is total garbage. How are the
majority of university graduates
(those, such as myself and Mr.
Grant, who earn BAs and B.Sc.s)
See page 8: WORK Thursday, April   I,   iy/o
I       II     b
Gulag review disappointing
The following is a point, counterpoint concerning a review in
last week's Page Friday of
Alexandr Solzhenitsyn's Gulag
Archipelago Two by the
provocative Ron Binns. The Binns
thesis is first attacked by a
member of the Young Socialists
and then the reviewer offers his
We would have appreciated a
serious review of Alexandr
Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago
Two in the pages of The Ubyssey.
Instead, Ron Binns provides such
concoctions as the following to
prove the Immortality (sic) of
"Lenin corrupted Marxist texts
in such a way that the language of
freedom now provides the
grotesque camouflage for one of
the most vicious regimes in the
"Solzhenitsyn quotes from
Pravda: 'Heightening our
revolutionary vigilance we will
help our glorious intelligence
service, headed by the true
Leninist, the Stalinist People's
Commissar Kikolai Ivanovich:
Yezhov, to purge our higher
educational institutions as well as
our country of remnants of the
Trotskyite-Bukharinite and other
counterrevolutionary trash.' "
And so the suggestion that Lenin
wrote those words in Pravda.
Those words could not have appeared until 1936 when Yezhov
became the head of the secret
police 12 years after. Lenin died.
The "distance between language
and reality" is just as great in this
review. The reviewer is fond of
throwing around the term 'fascist,'
regardless of meaning.
. He tells us that the Soviet state
contained fascist elements at birth.
What can one hope to learn by
stirring the Russian revolution and
Nazi Germany into an amalgam
without even a word of explanation?
Reviewer Binns replies
Your triumphant detective work
is wasted on me, Margaret Manwaring, since I wasn't implying
Lenin wrote those words in
Juxtaposing those two
paragraphs in isolation may create
that effect, but the context had a
quite different meaning, to do with
the use of crypto-Marxist cliches,
about which you obviously know a
great deal.
Your response to my Watergate
allusion is equally misleading
since I wasn't arguing that the
West is morally superior (actually
I have heard of Vietnam and Chile,
in fact I mentioned the latter in the
last paragraph of my review) but
merely that Richard Nixon's
megalomaniac fantasies for
dealing with his "enemies" (intellectuals, newspaper reporters,
and so on) were a way of life for the
mediocre dictators who rule the
totalitarian regimes of Eastern
I have no apologies for
describing the USSR as a fascist
state almost from birth. Obviously
your knowledge of ideology is as
scanty as your awareness of the
history of Lenin's seizure of power.
Trotsky himself described the
Soviet regime as "symmetrical to
His moral indignation would
have been more convincing
however had it functioned while he
was in power, rather than when he
was expelled by Stalin.
Lenin's pathological delight in
the use of terror, which killed
around two million people, is a
matter of substantial documentary
record (see B. W. Eissenstat,
Lenin and Leninism, Chapter 17).
Bertrand Russell met Lenin in
1920 and afterward described him
as "a narrow-minded fanatic and
cheap cynic. I had much less
impression of a great man than I
had expected. My most vivid
impressions were of bigotry and
Mongolian cruelty. His guffaw at
the thought of those massacred
made my blood run cold."
Lenin was not simply defending
the revolution, as you claim, but
also murdering his socialist opponents. His use of terror also
seems to have involved a
sublimation of his own private
neuroses: why else did he write out
the order "shoot all the hordes of
prostitutes?" A rather drastic
morality for someone whom you
claim was a fighter for democratic
In fact Lenin never had the
slightest interest in democracy.
Rosa Luxemberg's prophetic
analysis of the totalitarian nature
of his political philosophy,
Leninism or Marxism, still rings
true today.
As for the glorious Soviet
economy: you have a bizarre
notion of what constitutes a
socialist economy. The USSR
bleeds its satellite states dry, has
rampant bureaucratic inefficiency
and corruption, a thriving black
market, a miserable standard of
living, and a massive expenditure
on armaments. For every citizen
the USSR has the equivalent of 40
tons of .TNT in its nuclear armory.
You have obviously not read
Gulag Archipelago Two, since
Solzenytsin does in fact use "the
Marxist tools of analysis." Chapter
19 is devoted to a pioneering, if
slightly sardonic Marxist analysis
of the Soviet Union's political
prisoners as a new class. Surely a
worthwhile contribution to the
ongoing Marxist debate.
I'll read the book you mention. I
suggest you in turn make the effort
to read Gulag Archipelago Two,
and Gunter Grass's short essay,
Czechoslovakia 1968.
"Human history fares like
paleontology. Even the best minds
absolutely fail to see — on principle, owing to a certain judicial
blindness — things which lie in
front of their noses." (Karl
The review is disappointing
because Solzhenitsyn deserves
better than acclaim from a
Solzhenitsyn rejects the Marxist
tools of analysis which are
necessary to a correct appreciation of the nature of the
Soviet state and to the struggle for
political freedom.
He fails to make the necessary
distinction between the Soviet
Union and the western world. He
fails to begin by defending the
historic gain represented by the
socialized economy of the USSR.
Solzhenitsyn misses the mark in
dealing with the period of the civil
war. He makes no distinction
between a policy followed in
wartime and one followed in peace
Repressive, measures were
approved by Lenin and Trotsky, to
be sure, when Russia was invaded
by foreign armies on seven different fronts. Does a revolution not
have the right to defend itself?
Solzhenitsyn sees Bolshevik
'fanaticism' as the original sin of
the Stalinist system that was to
destroy the majority of Bolsheviks
who led the revolution.
This is a worthy question. There
can be no explanation of why the
Communist Party of the USSR
would devour its members in
bloody purges except that the
party underwent a process Trotsky
described as degeneration.
Marxists don't trust such notions
as the original sin of fanaticism to
explain the degeneration. Rather,
Marxists look into the social base
of a party in order to understand it.
The social base of Stalin's policy
was the bureaucracy that had to
suppress the revolutionary
workers who were the social base
of the Bolshevik party of Lenin and
An authentic Marxist policy
today demands defence of the
political prisoners in the Soviet
Union. Marxists do so independently of the hypocrtical
position of western politicians
whose only real grievance with the
USSR is that Exxon and General
Motors can't control its economy.
Binns seems to believe that the
West has some sort of moral
superiority over the USSR because
Watergate can be found out and
established as a crime.
How can anyone who was aware
of the Vietnam war and the coup in
Chile feel secure about the moral
superiority of the West?
Margaret Manwaring
UBC Young Socialists
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Thursday,  April   1,   1976
From page 4
with the letter R, 256, Ted Collins
Boulevard, Chicago, Idaho.
After stopping for lunch at Mike
and Marise's diner at 1789 News Desk
Boulevard (these big-city newsrooms
really are big) Gee continued oo to
MacKave's office, reaching it as the big
red ball of molten fire sank below the
Western horizon.
"I'm here to see Mr. MacKave," he
told receptionist Nick Smirnow, who
sat on a granola chair behind his
waterdesk chewing on the receiver of
his soysprout telephone.
"I'm sorry, but Mr. MacKave left at
five. Is there anyone else who could
help you, sir?"
"Well, yes, my name is Caroline
Gee, and I'm a new reporter. I'm
supposed to infiltrate this newspaper
and find out who's the CLIA spy
among you. It's not you, is it?" he
asked, narrowly eyeing Smirnow — not
a tough feat with anyone with a name
like Gee.
"Oh, you'd want to see Mr.  Morton,
It was Tuesday by the time he got
to Mr. Morton's office. "Is Mr. Norton
in, please?"
"Which Mr. Morton did you want,
Ian or David?" shot back snappy sec
Maureen Boyd. "David Morton is in
charge of staff discipline while Ian
Morton is in charge of making sure
David doesn't confuse himself with
"Mr. David Morton, then, please."
 "Oh. You'll want Ian Morton, then.
David Morton called him into his
office after only a minute. "Mr. Gee,
pleased to meet you. I'm Ian Morton.
A little matter about you has come to
our attention. I have on my desk a
petition signed by Jackie Landry, Bill
Tieleman, Phil Smith, Micheline
Taylor, Susan Alexander, Ward Webber
and Al Peterson complaining about
"The situation is like this. As
everyone in the orifice knows by now,
you're supposed to find out who
among us is the CLIA agent. But so far
you've been wasting your time waiting
for people and looking for offices.
"What we need, Gee, is a person
with drive, determination, guts, and
most important of all, brains. I'm sorry
to have to tell you this, but I'm taking
your role away. From now on in this
masthead Merrilee Robson is going to
be the counterspy."
Where was Merrilee at this very
moment? Disguised as a porno writer
for the editorial page, telling dirty
jokes to the blushing ears of youthful
and innocent Doug Todd, Woody, Jean
Randall, Aubrey Holmes, John
Sprague, Fred McMahon, Greg Strong,
author of Brown Like Me, Corbet
Locke,   Ryon Guedes and  Ron  Binns.
Suddenly, an urgent messenger,
Boyd McConnell, burst in upon her
with an urgent message. She ripped
open the note, which told her what the
reader's just been told: that she'd won
the role of Caroline Gee.
"All right, you perverts, F.O.' I got
work to do."
Now let's see, she thought. I have
to use logic. I can tell by the way this
masthead is being written that the spy
is gonna be the last names mentioned
here. So it can't be anybody already
mentioned. And it can't be Larry Hill,
Lambert Loh, Denise Chong, publisher
Jake van der Kamp, Deryl Mogg, Avfar
Bains, Bob Rayfieid, Ken Dodd or
Arnie Banham, because they ain't the
last names mentioned. Dave Wilkinson?
Nah. We already know his background:
he's from the RCMP, not the CLIA.
"Suddenly musical twins Brian
Gibbard and Bruce Baugh, better
known as the folksinging duo of Bruce
'n' Barney, whirled into the room
singing Tomorrow Belongs to Me. They
were followed by Anne Wallace,
Progressive Conservative member for
Fairview-Esplanade who was becoming
progressively more conservative every
"Have you found the spy yet,
Merrilee?   I  know who  it is," she said.
Fred Vyse, at the time, was playing
minor league broomball on a team that
included the Dutch line, Herman
Bakvis, Gordon Vander Sar and
Shelagh    MacDonald,
He told Robson in a phone call that
he couldn't help her, but offered to
trade goaltender Stan Hyde and
defenceman Richard Yates to the
Austin Brewins, The Ubyssey's farm
team, for Bob Tsai, Dennis Beale and
The Ubyssey's first-round draft choice
in the 1984 amateur draft. Merrilee
But she picked up enough clues in
her conversation to be able to narrow
down the list of suspects to John
Morris, Susan Borys, Bob Diotte, Rita
Kinzer and John Ince.
"Hmm, it's Borys, then Diotte
would . . . no. But if Kinzer . . . but
then again, if it's none of them, it's, it's
— that's it! I have it! Cummings," she
shouted to the ubiquitous butler, "tell
everybody to gather together in the
study. I'll meet them there in 20
minutes to uncover the fiend and end
this horrible masthead that's gone on
much too long and is giving Weldon
Hickey   burst  hemhorrhoids,  I'll bet."
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and
■^irls," she told the assembled
multitude. "The spy is someone in our
midst, Someone whose name hasn't
been mentioned in the masthead yet.
That person's name is —"
But just as she was about to
pronounce the fatal syllables she was
run over by a truck, and we'll never
know who the dastardly criminal is. He
iurks in our midst yet   . . .
Who was driving that truck?
Right on
Directly Behind Bank
2154 Western Parkway
(in Village)
Thinking of Teacher Training 76/77?
Try SCIP: The School Campus
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More school experience
Work with your profs, in school.
Limited number of places
Call in at the Elem. Div. Office in
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for the SCIP brochure.
Please consult your Departmental Advisor
(Department Office) or Faculty Advisor (Hut
0-11) before leaving the campus in April for
counselling regarding your 1976/77 academic
Ihe end
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ruyc   -j-
Urban problems already defined
Habitat to provide solutions
So . . . this huge United Nations
conference is beginning in Vancouver May 31, and you wonder
what all the fuss is about.
Why did they choose Vancouver?
And why have a conference on
human settlements? What is in it
for me, you ask?
To begin with, 8,000-plus people
are not invading our city for 10
days for nothing. There are
housing problems all over the
world today, and representatives
from 140 nations are coming here
to discuss solutions and priorities
of that global need.
And the conference is going to be
Vancouver was chosen as the site
to hold the UN conference on
human settlements, otherwise
known as Habitat, because it is one
of the few Canadian cities with
facilities to hold a conference of
this size — which requires hotel
bookings several years in advance.
So far, some 8,000 rooms in
downtown hotels have been booked
for accommodation for official UN
Also, some 2,800 rooms at UBC
have been reserved for participants to the alternate conference, Habitat Forum.
What is the official conference
about? Enrique Penalosa, the UN
knows all about it.
of   Habitat,
"It's about human settlements.
It's about population explosion,
urbanization, industrialization,
food shortages, unemployment and
fuel shortages.
"It's about high mortgage rates,
inflation, strikes, and^oil cartels.
It's about progress, profits, and
"It's about nothing less than the
totality of the human community
— whether city, town, or village. It
includes the social, material,
organizational, spiritual and
cultural elements that sustain it."
Penalosa, a former minister of
agriculture in Colombia, was
chosen as secretary-general with a
preparatory committee of 56 UN
member nations to advise him.
Increasingly, people are living in
urban communities. In the cities,
job opportunities, health and
education facilities are more
abundant than in rural areas.
But along with the benefits,
slums, noise, pollution, crime and
squatters also develop — not to
mention rush hour traffic, parking
lot murders, hostage-taking in
office buildings, car accidents,
ugly office towers, and the contrast
between Shaughnessy and the east
end of Vancouver.
Habitat aims to encourage a
greater awareness of settlement
problems, issues and solutions in
cities as well as towns and smaller
But Habitat will differ from
traditional conferences in that it
will focus on solutions.
Each of the 140 countries have
been asked to submit, in audiovisual form, presentations
detailing the solution to some
problem in the context of human
It's not as if thousands of people
are coming together to define the'
We need solutions.
Although Habitat is an official
UN conference, the general public
will be able to participate indirectly.
Conference proceedings will be
broadcast on cable television to
much of the Lower Mainland, all
day long. The public will also be
able to view the full-length audiovisual presentations, at the Queen
Elizabeth Playhouse.
And Habitat Forum, to be held at
Jericho, will be the nucleus for
public participation.
Conference facilities will be
based in the downtown area. The
Queen Elizabeth Theatre will be
the focal point for delegate participation. It will seat 150
delegations of four members each,
and will allow 2,000 observers,
reporters and the public.
More than 1,000 journalists,
broadcasters, and film-makers
will be here to record the
The estimated direct cost of the
Habitat conference to the federal
government is $14 million. Of the
$14 million approximately $8.5
million, or 60 per cent of the total,
will be spent in Vancouver.
Undoubtedly, there will be a
great deal happening during the
Habitat conference.
But the conference is only the
first step of the way to solving
housing problems.
The real test will come when the
conference is over.
Ask not what Habitat—
problems -
we are aware of the
Continuing ed still separate
From page 3
around the province, were killed as
the extension program was forced
to  operate   on   a   virtually   un-
subsidized basis.
Students in all but correspondence and credit courses were
expected to bear virtually the full
cost of their education. And there
were almost no off-campus credit
The lecture tours and
discussion groups in the interior of
the province, providing at least a
taste of the university to people
whose geographical and economic
position prevented them from
coming to university, couldn't be
Things improved in the early '70s
when the centre was established to
replace the less-independent extension department. Kulich said
the centre can do things other
academic departments can't,
because its course offerings can be
scheduled on short notice and in
general don't have to be approved
by the senate and general
university administration.
But it took the NDP government
— angry about alleged self-centred
attitudes of the universities — to
force any attempts at major
«<>      .ft i   , i
With government money, often
from special grants, the centre was
able to move into programs for
women and old persons which had
qualities of being designed to help
economically and socially
deprived groups.
And the government forced the
university to re-examine its
inadequate part-time and
correspondence course systems
and take steps to re-establish
contact with the interior of the
province. Progress was being
made, with the government
holding its money bags as a carrot
There was progress in
developing university-level continuing education — a type not
available from local school boards
and community colleges — and
making it at least partly accessible
to the community.
But what is happening now?
Hardwick said Monday that
before he left he was looking at
ways to deal with part-time degree
studies, develop programs outside
the Lower Mainland, work for
some kind of coordinating continuing education planning with
community colleges and school
boards and re-evaluate involvement of the centre in reading
and language skills programs.
In addition, Hardwick was fin-
ding ways to fit together the independent professional programs
of the medicine and commerce
Some of his activities — those
handled by the centre alone — still
can go ahead, and Kulich said work
is progressing on degree and non-
degree educational television and
monthly meetings still occur
between officials involved in school
board, college and university
continuing   education   programs.
But the most serious gap — the
separation of "continuing
education" from the central
academic activities of the
university — remains with the
continuing vacancy of Hardwick's
former post.
It appears the university, freed
of a fear of the NDP government
and with UBC prof Pat McGeer as
education minister and Hardwick
as deputy, is willing to again
relegate continuing education to a
lower priority.
And the paradox and insecurity
of continuing education remains,
despite the recitation again and
again of the words: "The
university must go out into the
UBC will still play a part in the
Habitat conference on human
settlements, despite the fact that
the university was dropped as the
site for Habitat.
Administration president Doug
Kenny set up a six-member
committee last December to
establish how the university will
contribute to the United Nations
Peter Oberlander, professor of
commerce and regional planning,
is head of the committee.
"The committee was set up to'
find a relevant contribution by the
university, to the conference, in
relation to the subject matter that
will be discussed," Oberlander
said in a recent interview.
"We wanted to figure out not
only what the conference could do
for UBC, but also what UBC could
do for Habitat — an optimum
So, in the interest of public
awareness, the federal government gave UBC $20,000 to set up a
lecture series on campus, run by
Oberlander was, for a while, part
of the big Liberal machine, in Ottawa. From 1970 until 1973 he was
secretary of the ministry of state
for urban affairs. Consequently, he
has a few connections back in
There are nine lectures in the
series,   covering   topics   from
Canadian Arctic settlements to
China's human settlement policies.
Lecturers include Lady Barbara
Ward Jackson, Lord Richard
Llewellyn-Davies from the
university of London, and
professor Joan Robinson from
Cambridge university.
The purpose of the lectures is to
create public awareness on the
topic of human settlements as they
exist today, Oberlander said.
"We are aiming for substantive,
not strategic discussions via the
lecture series," he said. "The
political issues have obscured the
really crucial, original- purpose
and objective of the conference.
"What we need to do is refocus
on these crucial objectives, not the
critical issues such as the presence
of the Palestinian Liberation
All the lectures will be
videotaped. And there are plans to
publish a book on the contents of
the talks.
"These will be used in classes at
a teaching device," Oberlander
said. "That way we won't be
casting their words to the wind."
"This is a highly creative opportunity for UBC," he said. "I
wouldn't bother if this was just a
preparatory function for the 10-day
conference — but this is just the
beginning, not the end.
"It's what happens during and
after the conference that is important."
i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-l- l-M-M. M-M-f- M-T-M. f.'F.M.l-T.T.M.M.M.T.rTTT
Library hours cut
Campus libraries will be open during May and June for those students
taking intersession courses.
The Hours below are only tentative. Budget restrictions may result in
their shortening.
Main and Woodward libraries will be open Monday, Thursday, and
Friday 9a.m. to 5p.m. and Tuesday and Wednesday 9a.m. to 10 p.m.
Sedgewick library will be open on Monday and Tuesday from 9 a.m. to
11 p.m. On Wednesday, Thursday and Friday the hours will be 9 a.m. to 5
p.m. ~     -
The curriculum library will also be open in May and June. Monday,
Thursday and Friday it will be open 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and on Tuesday and
Wednesday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.
All libraries will be closed Saturday and Sunday.
Brock Hall study areas will be open Monday to Frjday from 8 a.m. to
iJ*«<>^  <\>»»'\V
Step into Spring
with Fashions
Summer dresses,
skirts, all wool dress
pants, fashion jeans,
silk blouses, T-shirts,
tank tops, imported
Young men's suits,
European flair all
wool dress pants,
fashion jeans, shirts,
T-shirts. Original styl-
ing, imported
776 GRANVILLE      and      PACIFIC CENTRE Page 8
Thursday,   April   1,   1976
From page 4
to be considered as a specifically
trained segment of the future labor
force?   Specifically    trained   for
Grant goes on to say that it is our
future employers who gain from
our skills and self-discipline.
Precious few employers need
people who are skilled at reading
books and writing essays.
As for our self-discipline, I
wonder how much self-discipline
Grant really thinks we have-. If
students are characterized by self-
discipline, why then should they
dread available jobs "such as
teaching (which) have become
much harder work?"
Acquisition of self-discipline
should prepare students to undertake hard work rather than to
avoid it.
Furthermore, as Grant states
later on in his article, there is a
struggle against schoolwork
because it is "too much of a hassle
and too much work." Is this a
manifestation   of   self-discipline?
The university ought not to be
considered as the route to better
jobs and better wages, because it
does not generally perform the
function of providing students with
marketable skills.
It does ' provide us with
knowledge which is, for me, a
positive personal acquisition in and
of itself. The benefits of higher
education accrue primarily to the
student and not to society.
The onus to pay for education is
not, therefore, upon society but
upon the student. It is an act of
generosity on the part of society
that it is willing to afford us the
opportunity to benefit from the
acquisition of knowledge.
Grant seems to feel that it is the
obligation of society to pay us now
so that in the future we can get
better jobs and better pay than the
bulk of the people who paid for our •
education in the first place.
Certainly, students should not
have to starve while attending
university. However, to expect
society to pay us to acquire the
means to exploit them later
(through high professional fees
and high salaries) is even more
If the bulk of the students at
university were Suddenly spirited
away, the only effect for society as
a whole would be that it would have
considerably more money with
which "to enjoy family and friends
— in a word to do whatever (they)
decide (they) want to do."
Why should we enjoy these
things at their expense?
To say that we are indebted to
society is not to say, however, that
we are parasites. Rather, it means
simply that we are obliged to
provide the same opportunities for
those who come after us.
If we do indeed get better jobs
and better pay, then we will repay
the debt at a higher rate (through
higher taxes). This is only right.
The crucial thing is that we, look
upon education from the point of
view of those who pay for it.
Viewed from their perspective, we
are undeniably in a privileged
position. Paying us to study would
put us in an even more privileged
position. This, certainly, is not
From my point of view, Grant's
thesis is predicated upon a faulty
perception of the functions of the
university. Rather than calling for
change in the structure of
educational financing, he ought to
change   the   structure   of   his
Kent Hanson
sociology 4
Help me
Young, good-looking, athletic,
well-hung, bi t.a., 29, seeks male
contact. Must be BIG. Send snaps
to Ubyssey box 347. No nellies or
butches, please.
The Ubyssey adult classifieds
can work for you, too.
Thank you.
Name withheld by request
department of static physics
L^apri f^i
upn i~ izza
Campus Delivery
I 224-6336 |
4450 W. 10th AVE.
S^teah ^rrt
Fully Licensed
Pizza in 29 Styles
Choice of 3 Sizes
Special Italian Dishes
Hours: Monday to Thursday 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.
Friday & Saturday 11 a.m. to 3 a.m. - Sunday 4 p.m. to 1 a.m.
Thinking of Teaching?
ARE YOU — graduating?
(Bachelor's, Master's, or Doctorate)
— finishing second year?
— considering teaching as a career?
If you answer 66yes" to AiVY of these questions
then come to an informational meeting
The Directors of U.B.C.'s Elementary and Secondary teacher education
programs will be present to answer your questions on:
— job opportunities
— alternative teacher education programs
— entrance requirements
TOO   Duf*»6   TO
Tc? Rdl-D th£T
GOON \Hseftr
...fold it like so...
^along ihe dotted line}
TAKer this
*■ BSther- ■ttwrv cufrVna,
you CAr\  Rip +he-
Ftolds VuitW ex rula*-
or Udrrve. ^-trough!* -
edged instrument.
...AND PRE-STof^
3743 W. 10th
Tues. - Sat.
Noon - 6 p.m.
Imported clothing from India -
Nepal   -   Kashmir  -  Afganistan
- Central & South America.
10% - 30% OFF
UBC Fine Arts Gallery
open to all UBC students
Submissions to be made in September
Exhibition will be mounted during the fall term.
For more information, call 22§^2759
we want your
used  textbooks!
Notice to
All Faculty
During the April exam
period the Bookstore
will buy back used books
for resale in September.
Your co-operation at this time
will help us to provide an
adequate amount of books for
your classes well in advance
o* September demands.
April 14 & 15
April 22 & 23
April 27
get 50% in cash for used textbooks
scheduled for use in the next
fall session.
the bookstore
university of
british Columbia
George & Berny's
2125 W. 10th at Arbutus
Ve Camp.* ,
11 a.m. to 1 a.m.
12 Noon to 10 p.m.
4444 West 10th Ave.
out hair...
ELIO   cf DOME     FiMIadyCaffe
4554W. 10th
224-5636 HOLE
Your Honor:
I do not often write letters to
magazines, however your lack of depth
has forced me to bring to your attention
the sorely neglected topic of the Pee-
Wee Lawyer's League. Had your
journalists been on the ball, at least one
of them would have scooped a great
story. . . namely, the establishment of
the League mentioned above.
Perhaps you do not realize the full
implication of such an initiative, but
many do, and they would just love to
see their names printed in a major
national magazine. The league was
established in order to educate young
boys (no girls, please) earlier than
usual in the art of expressing themselves in a logical, pragmatic, and
above all, profitable manner.
The benefits to our society are obvious. If we can get sufficient monies
for league expansion, up to 25 per cent
of the male population could be, exposed
to this program, and thus the number of
potential lawyers would dramatically
But is this good? Oh yes, it's good.
More lawyers, in terms of supply and
demand means lower cost per kilowatt
hour for John Q. Public's legal needs. If
any of the little tykes tell you anything
about future profit commission contracts for members of the league, it's a
lie. Ha ha, they all have a great sense of
humor. Ha ha ha ha!
Loyola S. Pigwick LL.B.
Scranton, N.J.
Your Honor:
May I suggest to Time-Life Inc. that
their journalistic imperialist eye to an
area totally neglected by established
magazines. I refer, of course, to the
world's oldest profession — the saleable
For centuries women have
prostituted themselves — some for
money on the streets, some for drugs
and others, more commonly, for
political gain or good marks in
Your magnificent offshoot of Sports
Illustrated, Torts Illustrated, needs one
more mag to make the triumverant
complete —Tarts Illustrated. It doesn't
happen to be your everyday skin sheet
with cum shots and blow jobs and nude
Rather it can capture the exquisite
beauty of a woman selling herself
physically, rather than mentally.
Believe me I know all about it.
Furthermore, I would volunteer to
act as senior editor for the new Tarts
Illustrated. Contact me through my
agent if you can find him.
Xaviera Hollander
Toronto, Canada
-Your Honor:
Thanks for the outstanding article on
how lawyers stop wetting their beds
(Pooh-pooh on pee-pee, Feb. 10). I
found it most helpful in curing my
husband, a QC for ten years if you can
believe it, from wetting our queen size
It's not the wetting I mind so much,
but the complaining he does when he
comes home from the squash court
yapping about a rash you know where.
Thanks to your article our sheets are
clean, my husband is winning in squash
and I'm getting sane again.
Elke Summer
Nice, France
Your Honor:
I must complain about your vicious
and unfair treatment of my brother
Dave in the February edition of Torts
First of all Dave is not and never has
been a homosexual. Second the fact
that Dave's hands drag along the
ground when he walks has no relation at
all to his intellectual capabilities.
Actually Dave is very intelligent and
only walks that way because he has a
chronic case of itchy knuckles.
This tragic illness began when we
were very young and my brother and I
roamed the street of our hometown,
Rosehip, Saskatchewan.
One lonely night we encountered a
woman of disrepute leaning against the
town lamp post. Being a very religious
boy Dave pleaded with her to leave her
evil profession behind. She spat in his
Dave reacted as any redblooded
Canadian boy would: he punched her in
the eye. Unbeknownst to Dave the
whore had a disgusting social disease
which has infected his hand ever since.
In your February edition you imply
that Dave's aggressive play on the ice
Edited bv GAY  FLOOD
and his liberal use of his hockey stick in
fights with members of the opposing
team is improper.
This not true. Ever since the invention of the spear in the stone age,
man has used hand-wielded weapons
for self defence. Thus Dave is only
upholding an ancient sporting tradition
when he "lays on the lumber."
Dave is also helping to bring the
standards of spectator sport back to the
apex it reached during ancient Roman
times. Since Dave joined the Flyers the
Philadelphia Spectrum has oftentimes
been compared to the Roman Coliseum
at its height.
Dave is a credit to the game and not
the ruthless killer you make him out to
Billy Shultz
Your Honor (Honour in Canada):
That recent alleged feature on certain justices of the piece can only be
viewed as an abuse of learned privilege
and chamber photography. After all, as
my friend remarked to me during an
intellectual discourse on jurisprudence
and the art of the shutter-bug, "The f
stops here." You are courting disaster
of the worst order and the development
of such myopic mumblety-pegs (cf. lisa
hobbs vs. the ailing arch snow) can only
be assessed damages  in the  neighborhood of steamed hot dogs.
That's right, I'm glad you remember.
After all, why not. As long as I'm in
power, not one acre of legal argument
will be left bare, nor the doukhobors.
Oh oh, here comes Paul Drake. He's
wearing boxing gloves and a worried
pair of jockey shorts. My god, look, he's
belted perry across the mouth. Look at
that blood, flowing on the immaculate
velvet carpet that has sustained the
long, torturous process of the american
constipation   that   began   with   chief
justice marshall law in the sixties. And
Delia Street has been railroaded into
turning state's witness. Perry . . . yes,
he's really hurt. . . he's climbing into a
wheelchair ... he has a gun . . . it's the
monkey trial all over again. As Willie
Mays remarked wistfully as he drew a
30-year term, "How many strikes is it?
Is it one strike? Is it two strikes? How
many strikes is it?"
Legally yours,
Ham Berger
April   1,   1976 Volume 69, No.'9
8 Banging the Beaver
Canada's favorite animal gets his balls
bagged and goes to court
by Rodd Gunn
18   Breakfast off Champions
Mountains of fortified mung to keep
National Hockey League players happy
by Lefty Wing
24 She's not dumb
She's    like    most    college    football
cheerleaders — utterly devoid of brains
by Patty Hearst
30 Grappling with    Guppies
Armchair fishing provides recreation for
busy lawyers cooped up in their offices
by Melvin Belli
36 High Flying Yurd
Hang gliders' poo-poo is causing legal
battles across the country
by John Glenn
4a Quakes are his Game
Shotputter Barry Biceps is being sued
for shaking things up  with his shots
by Foster Hewitt
The Departments
5 Score card
42 Street Hockey
48 Transcripts
54 Arguments
73 For the Jury
14 19th Hole
Next Week
ORGY IN OREGON is the West Coast trial
of a famous basketball player charged with
the murder of a National Basketball
Association referee. Torts Illustrated
reporter Biff Hulk will cover the event.
JOCKS OF THE WORLD will gather in
Pango-Pango to celebrate the reincarnation
of Babe Ruth. Ruth is being exhumed from
his grave under the Yankee Stadium
pitcher's mound for the event. LETTER FROM THE PUBUSHER
Sports is a very complex subject.
What fans see on the ice or the field or
in the stadium is the end result of many
long, frustrating hours behind the
scenes moulding everything into place.
Most newspapers and magazines
devoted to the sporting world try to
capture the glory and victory of the
players while totally ignoring the
equally challenging feats of lawyers
and administrators, without whose help
the show couldn't go on.
That's why Time-Life has expanded
its services and style to cover this very
important aspect of professional and
amateur sports. In its usual snarky,
hard-hitting reporting style coupled
with fictional anecdotes about everyone
in the news, Time-Life has set up an
editorial format in Torts Illustrated to
rigidly conform with our successful
magazines currently in operation.
What's so great about Time-Life and
Torts Illustrated? We're never wrong.
We just don't make mistakes and if
someone claims we do, then they're
Torts Illustrated is an exciting new
concept in sports reporting, virtually
ignoring the overpaid, overweight,
spoiled pro-athletes and concentrated
on the brilliant lawyers and legal
beagles who make the whole thing tick.
You see pro hockey every fall and
spring but you never read about the
trials and lawsuits fought in the courts
over the off season that keep the pros in
business. Now you will.
You never used to be read about what
kind of sports lawyers enjoy themselves. Now you will.
Before you were insulted by the
pompous, shallow meanderings of so-
called sports writers. Now your brain
will be massaged with the finest intelligent legalese mixed with the
delicate fragrance of jock talk.
«It promises to be a delightful concept.
And, of course, Time-Life cameras will
always be on hand to bring you top legal
pictures anywhere in the world making
Torts Illustrated the most picturesque
magazine since Life died.
The clever title of Torts Illustrated,
Torts, is the legal term to define a civil
court action by one member of society
agaiast another. But our new magazine
isn't that stale.
We plan to cover all events of interest
to the modern intellect: the latest
double-knit spring suits, camels,
Liberal party conventions, plus
thoroughly elitist sports such as polo,
sailing, cricket, lawn tennis, hunting,
sports fishing and all the other rich
man's games.
Join us every week for erudite views
on the world of sports in Torts
Torts Illustrated
Founder: Henry R. Loose 1898-1904
Editor-in-Chief: Smedly Douchenozzle
Chairman of the Board:
John Kenneth Galbraith
President: Richard M. Nixon
Group Vice President, Magazines:
Clarence Darrow
Vice Chairman: Spider Sabich
Executive Editor: H. A. D. Oliver
Assistant     Managing     Editors:     Hosiah    Fix,
Garde Gardom
Art Director: Salvadore Dali
Senior Editors: Gene Creamer, Jim Banham,
Arnie Myers, Allan Fotheringham, Bob McConnell, Dick McLean, David Ablett, Randolph Hearst, Patty Hearst	
Senior Writers: Judith Walker, Mark Buckshon, Elija Pitts, Sean Rossiter, Jack Wasserman, George Daacon, John Twigg, Nicole
Dickland, Lome Hardon	
Associate Editors: Gay Flood, Lisa Hobbs,
Byron Hender, Himie Koshevoy, Ken Dodd,
John Arnett, Jake van der Kamp, Peter
Newman, Pat Putman, Harold Weiner
Staff Writers: I. P. Nitely, Patrick Nagle, Mark
Buckshon, Bob Rayfieid, Mark Le Buffoon,
Weldon Hickey, Jack Hill, Earl Lowry, Herman Munster
Director   of   Photography:    Franco   Citeralla
Production Manager: Dave Nelson
Chief of Research: Mervin P. Hymen	
Photography: Doug Field, Matt King, Deryl
Mobb, Bob Tsai, Lambert Loh, Peter Cummings,     Anthony     Armstrong-Jones,     Ralph
Bower, Charlie Warner	
Staff Photographs: Don McLeod, Andy Warhol, David Bowerman	
Writer-Reporters: Ralph Loffmark, Ace
McCarthy,   Dave  Brown,  Jungle Jim  Bennett
senior   Keponers:  mat*  dui-mmum,  »-*,
Craik,    Spew    Savard,    Lynn    Batten,
Farrow, Jock Strap, Christy Blatchford
Senior  Reporters:  Mark Buckshon, Cameron
Craik,    Spe—    «=—■-"•     ' """    «=>*♦<
Farrow, Joe
Reporters: Bill Graham, Catherine Khulman,
Garner Ted Armstrong, Oral Roberts, George
Beverley Shea, Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Pat
Boone, Moses, Joseph, Mary, Three Wise Men,
George Hermanson, Pope Paul
Art Department: Earl Smith, Jack Ramsay,
Jean Renoir, Henry Matisse, Paul Gaugin,
Emily Carr, Group of Seven	
Copy Desk: Pat Blowey, Jack McLeod, Rich
Little, Frank Gorshin, Marcel Marceau, Mark
Buckshon, Gene Kiniski	
Production: Richard Zanuck, Jack Warner,
Irving Thalberg, William Wyler
Administrative Department: Jack van der
Kamp, Dave Stinson, John Toogood	
Special Contributors: Stuart Keate, Dave Nelson, Paul McCartney, Bill Graham, Brian
Nelson, Rod Stewart, Anne Murray, Nancy
Greene Raine, Karen Maggotson, Greg Neely,
Kathy Kriener, Claudine Longet (Shooting
Editor), Knute Rockney, Frank Gnup, Pa,ul
Horning, Bart Starr, Y. A. Tittle
Time-Life News Service: Chief, Dan George;
Deputy, Arthur Weeks    	
Editorial   Services:   Xavier  Hollander   (Director),   Fanne   Foxe,  Judy   Campbell,   Princess
Margaret, Betty Fprd
Publisher: Cinq DeFreeze
General Manager: Bern Grady
Associate Publisher: Claude Ryan
Business Manager: Alan Eagleson
Advertising Sales Director:   Fred Vyse
Circulation Director: Donald Palmer
Promotion Director: Angelo Branca
Special Events Director: Sam Toy
Enterprises: Les Bewley
Copy Runner: Jack Brooks, Q.C.
The Tequila
with the
spirit of
a sophomore at North
Dakota's P igsty
College, outbellowed
all competitors in that
institution's annual
hog calling contest
last week. Unfortunately, Gloria, like the
rest of her opponents,
lost her hearing in the
affair. All of them are
suing    the   university.
still trim at 27, retired
from that old sport of
touching your nose
with your tongue
many years ago, but
still can be seen
practising the art
while he waits for
juries to bring in
verdicts in his new job
of parking ticket
attorney  in The  Pas.
28, a senior at
O s g o o d e Hall,
recently astounded
his classmates by
announcing he is
actually a woman and
plans to marry his
longtime handball
coach, C larence
Cambell. Disgustingly
ugly, Fetish says his
facial    hair   is    fake.
surprised everyone
when he woke up
recently during a
murder trial he was
presiding over.
Defendant Reuben
(Flatulence) Carter, a
former ping pong
champion (some say
he could have made it
to the top),
immediately asked his
lawyer  for   a   mistrial.
is smiling now, but he
wasn't too pleased
when the administration at Dubious
University took away
his big block in
swimming when they
discovered he almost
drowned last week in
his bathtub. His wife,
who was scrubbing his
back,  revived him.
was stoical to the last
when he was placed
before a firing squad
and pummelled to
death with rifle butts
(they had no bullets
at Argentina's Social
Credit University).
The former dialectic
coach at SCU had
been accused of
failing to acknowledge his greatness. ,„ LAWYERS URGED:
JUDGE:       Will the counsel for the
plaintiff please explain what he is doing
on the courtroom floor?
SALAMI:   Oh-h-h. Oh my God.
JUDGE:   What did he say?
CLERK:    "Oh-h-h. Oh my God."
Quickly becoming a swollen, blood-
filled, rigid battle among bar
associations throughout the United
States and Canada is the two-year-old
controversy over ethics of lawyers
engaging in sexual liasons just prior to
important courtroom appearances.
Last month's historic ruling in
Calgary's Provincial Courtroom
Number Five over the Calgary Suppository libel trial was the late and
lengthy climax of the taut, steadily-
growing furor.
Stewart Salami, the 190 pound 37-
year-old litigation veteran from Wong,
Wong, Wong, and Orgasm, was
representing the Alberta legislature's
mercurial member for Hung-Horse,
George Bernard Shit, who was suing
the bi-weekly Suppository for a
typographical error. Shit's case ran
into trouble early in the trial, when
Salami appeared at the preliminary
hearing in the throes of a coronary and
what appeared to be a wet dream.
After a lengthy adjournment,
presiding judge Walter Peepee ruled
Salami's coronary out of order and
warned that contempt of court
proceedings would begin if the court
were to be interrupted by any further
Commenting on the ruling later,
Salami said his bizarre performance in
court had been brought on by his recent
divorce and "an aversion to can-
teloupe." He said the ruling was a bad
break but had not hurt his chances for a
favorable verdict. Suppository attorney
D. W. Yoni accused Salami of using a
blatant psychological ploy to gain an
early edge on the Suppository's
defense, while plaintiff Shit maintained the ruling was "all a clever play
on words using the name of the senior
partner (205 pound corporate bad boy
Charles "Kip" Wong) of Salami's law
Mr. Justice Peepee's spry, sensuous
150 pound ruling — later overturned by
a panel of amateur gymnasts and
Ukrainians — is a landmark in the story
begun in Toronto, 1974 when Itching and
Nasty's star tort lawyer Abe Pancreas
refused to appear in court for a scrotal
whiplash suit unless granted a Non-
Self-Abuse clause in his contract.
Ultimately unsated by Itching and
Nasty's offers, Pancreas jumped to
Shibblet and Gommorrah who
guaranteed him a date with Anne
Meara and a Phillipino houseboy on the
eve of each important court appearance.
But it was in August 1975 that
Pacreas was disbarred for attempting
to assault the presiding judge in a
malpractice suit, claiming he "hadn't
had it in days."
Today, despite the major setbacks of
the Pancreas case, many progressive
factions of the legal circles have hailed
the Peepee ruling as the sign of
loosening controls on the sexual activity in the justice system.
"I mean, what is all the commotion
about?" a 28-year-old, 175-pound articling rookie asked a Torts Illustrated
correspondent last month as he poured
steaming coffee, heavily laced with
benzedrine, down the throbbing throat
of his firm's senior partner.
"I mean, it's only an arrangement,"
he explained. "Y'know, it's not as if he
had to make a summation or plea
bargain or anything, and we brought
along his emergency 30-minute tape of
him saying "may it please the court"
and "be that as it may" just in case.
Besides, he didn't even stay in for the
whole shot, if you know what I mean."
Condemning most judges' and law
firms' tight reins on shyster bedroom
antics, Dr. Albert Albert Redundant, a
clinical phrenologist at the University
of That Corridor Up The Stairs And
Behind The Tampon Dispenser, attributes 70 per cent of all backlog and
bureaucracy in North American legal
systems on small animals with electric
typewriters and lawyers who touch
"Well, let's face it, I mean they can't
all be Perry Mason, can they? Or even
the Defenders, for that matter.
Anyway, where else they going to get it
they don't get it at home? I mean, you
look even at me and I'll tell you I'd be a
damn wreck without the missus. I
mean, look at those fancy-pants
lawyers in their blue suits and their
Christian Dior ties and they don't know
a damn thing about a good, honest
relationship between a man and a
Shetland pony."
But representatives of the conservative factions maintain their
resistance to the sex-for-lawyers lobbyists with the same fervor as they
opposed sideburns and Nehru jackets
as allowable courtroom attire in the
"What must be remembered is that
this phenomenon is not a new one,"
explains retired parallel circuit judge
and current roller derby referee
Maxwell Booger. "When confronted
with similar demands while I was on
the bench, I would gently advise such
gentlemen to either curb their desires
or else not be surprised if they were to
receive 38-calibre vasectomies when
caught defiling themselves."
Mr. Justice Booger, a lithe 115-
pounder whose ripened body pulsed
from beneath the flimsy silk of his robe
and the austere cut of his suit, stroked
his thing.
National Hockey League owners are
moving to beef up their bargaining
position in an expected legal showdown
with the NHL Players' Association.
That at least is one rationale behind the
NHL inviting giant former Toronto
Argonauts tackle Mike "The Enforcer"
Laudsworth, 32, to appear before the
league's presidential selection committee.
Now a Toronto criminal lawyer,
Laudsworth expressed complete
surprise at the invitation to join the
race to succeed septogenarian NHL
president Clarence Campbell. Still
retaining his playing shape, the 6'4"
270-pound Laudsworth has kept active
in sports as color comentator for
Canadian Television Network football
telecasts. But the Mississippi State
graduate admits he knows about as
much about hockey as Steve Durbano.
NHL executive director Brian O'Neill
explained NHL officials became interested in Laudsworth after witnessing "The. Enforcer's" spirited
performance prosecuting a rape trial in
Over the past few years, hockey has
emerged as one of the most active fields
in sport for criminal law. As hockey has
expanded in popularity around
America, violence has showed a
corresponding increase — many people
believe the two developments are
In an NHL exhibition hockey game in
Ottawa, a small town in Quebec, on
Sept. 20, 1969, a stick-swinging duel
between Ted Green of the Boston
Bruins and Wayne Maki of the St. Louis
Blues ended with Green going to
hospital with a near-fatal skull fracture
and both he and Green going to court
with assault' charges. An important
precedent was bound to be set.
The result of it all was an acquittal of
Edited Mr. Creamjeans
Toronto. "From what I understand he
has just the sort of presence we're
looking for. We feel we want to adopt a
more definite, a more strident, identifiable position, if you understand
As for Laudsworth he's intriqued by
the idea.
"Shit, I guess they want someone who
has the lungs to shout down that boopsy
Eagleson (NHLPA counsel Alan
Eagleson, also a Toronto lawyer) and
match him legal precedent, objection
by objection all the way down . the
land," mused Laudsworth over a beer.
"And what the hell, I've got to be interested in that sort of action. I've
about had it with this pantywaist black
robe and 'My Lord this and my learned
friend that's bullshit."
Wrestling fans are no doubt used to
seeing (and smelling) their heroes
covered in sweat as they exit the ring to
compare notes with their
choreographer in the dressing room.
What these same fans don't know is
that some wrestlers' sweat is not
caused by the exertions that complement the world of grunt and groan.
It's the sweat of pure, unbridled fear.
The problem is that lately, some of the
participants in the professional sport
have taken up wrestling — the kind that
involves beating your opponent without
a script.
And the return to ad lib wrestling (as
some wrestling lawyer put it in a
Kingston, Ont., courtroom last week) is
starting to get the old style wrestlers,
their promoters and lawyers quite
"Upset? I'm fucking pissed off," said
Elsworth Huntington-Snypes-Smith,
legal representative for longtime fan
pleaser Larry (Lobotomy) Crusher.
Huntington-Snypes-Smith said he plans
to pull his boy out of any future cards
with any of the new breed of wrestlers
who, he said, are "a bunch of inconsiderate, unorthodox, ignorant
Harvard types."
But Dave Schulz, a hockey player in
the off season and one of the proponents
of the new style of wrestling, said his
lawyer, Alan Eagleson, a hockey
lawyer in the off season, will fight any
attempt to boycott the new breed of
Schulz said his "mouthpiece" (as he
affectionately calls his lawyer) is
prepared to fight any outside interference, even if he has to go to the
supreme court.
both and also the fascinating court
record, Regina versus Green and Maki.
This case has since been overshadowed
by that of Henry Boucha of the Minnesota North Stars, whose assault trial
ended in a well hung jury and of the
Detroit Red Wings' Dan Maloney,
whose case is still before the courts.
The Green-Maki trial was the first
assault trial dealing with an incident in
professional hockey and perhaps in
professional sport. The lawyers'
arguments over this precedent form
perhaps the most interesting aspect of
the trial for legal beavers.
But the layman is not forgotten
either. Doubledeal has now published
an unexpurgated transcript of the
testimony of Green and Maki (who died
of unrelated causes in 1974). The
struggle of the two on the ice during the
game culminates in violence, which for
real fans is what hockey is all about.
Great reading.
Smash. Crack. OOOf, er, sorry. Well,
anyway, this transcript does describe
in graphic detail the duel between the
two hockey players. But for now I'll
leave all the good stuff to your
But what about the overshadowing
legal question: Should hockey players
who assault, injure and/or kill one
another be prosecuted? Or is a game
misconduct or a two-minute roughing
penalty adequate? With the present
parole system, many cynics answer yes
to the last question. The heart of the
matter (and the trial record, for that
matter) are lawyers' arguments over
these questions. A conviction (and
there has not been one to date) would
drastically affect the rules of hockey,
and thus has been fought quietly and
firmly by the hockey leagues.
NHL president Clarence Campbell
says that hockey is no more violent
today than before expansion. But
anyone who reads the transcript of this
1970 trial will find out, in legaleze of
course, the truth. This transcript is an
invaluable guide for the lawyer who
wants to break into the rapidly expanding field of fighting assault
charges arising from professional
JUDGE IMPOSES DURING LAWYERS' SEX FANTASY Murder is never pleasant at the best
of times, but in a Toronto court this
week one of the most sensational — and
sordid — stories in sport history unfolded into a jury verdict giving the
National Hockey League license to kill.
"This placates everyone who has
ever complained that hockey is too
violent," commenting aging NHL
president Clarence Campbell after a
jury of eight men and' four women
returned a verdict of not guilty against
Toronto Maple Leaf winger Jean-Guy
LaMerde, charged with murdering an
opponent during a game February 7.
The six-week trail, punctuated by
pleas from seven team owners that a
guilty verdict would kill Canada's
national sport — although only three
NHL teams are Canadian — was the
culmination of an ongoing legal attack
against hockey violence dating back to
"Of course I'm elated by the verdict," LaMerde told reporters while
still rubbing his handcuff-swollen
wrists after being released by sheriff's
officers. "I'm sorry that a life had to be
lost in the process, but that's pro
sport... it sells the tickets and it pays
my salary."
LaMerde, represented by famed
hockey lawyer Allan Leagleson, sat
emotionless as the jury filed in to
deliver its verdict following less than
one minute of deliberation, a record in
Toronto county court history. Spending
nights during the trial in the city jail,
LaMerde would come to court each day
accompanied by his guard, the pert, 23-
year-old Mexican-Black Jamies
Himeniz who was photographed
thousands of times with the accused
hockey star.
LaMerde's wealthy parents, owners
of a chain of Montreal radio stations,
attended the trial daily and gave moral
support while the son was subjected to
continuous attacks from witnesses.
Mrs. LaMerde broke into tears when
the verdict was announced. Wallace
LaMerde, the father, said tersely:
"Jesus Christ."
The incident which led to all this
fanfare occurred in February at Maple
Leaf Gardens in the second period when
LaMerde speared Buffalo Sabre centre
Tim Murphy in the stomach. Evidence
at the trial before Mr. Justice R. J.
Gumby was that after the initial spear,
LaMerde's blade broke from his stick,
leaving a sharp, jagged edge.
Let's pick up the story in the colorful
words of play-by-play broadcaster Bill
Hewett who, because of his dull,
monotone voice, was the Crown's key
witness in describing the incident:
"Well Brian, oh I'm sorry . . . well
your honor it was midway through the
second period —13:07 as I recall — and
we werewatching Tim Murphy take the
puck in his own zone and make a rush
up to the centre line.
"Suddenly, from the left side Jean-
Guy LaMerde, wearing Leaf sweater
number 7, came charging at Murphy
and jabbed his stick into his chest. It
was a vicious attack —- as vicious as
I've seen in 23 years broadcasting
hockey — and the blade of LaMerde's
stick broke off leaving jagged slivers of
"Then, before a hushed crowd —
most of whom were witnesses — he
raised the weapon into the air and
plunged it into an opening between
Murphy's pad. The blue jersey bloomed
into a dark red and Murphy collapsed to
the ice.
"The stick was so deep into his solar
plexis it stuck in as players, trainers
and doctors rushed to his side. Blood
covered the ice and fans looked on,
some muttering to themselves that they
got their money's worth.
"Referee Bill Ashly gave LaMerde
five minutes for spearing and that
appeared to be all, but for some reason
LaMerde argued the severity of the
call. He tried to shove Ashly and was
assessed an additional 10 minutes.
"To me he appeared to want to
protest that call too when the linesman
came over and said Murphy had just
died. After hearing that, LaMerde just
skated over to the penalty box and sat
Throughout his two-hour testimony,
Hewett often dabbed his eyes with a
crumpled Leaf program as he recalled
the incident which, "in my opinion was
the most horrendous display of violence
I've ever witnessed."
But NHL president Cambell saw it
differently. "It's just the product of the
imagination of a lot of kooks who know
nothing about it," Cambell told
prosecutor Leon Dombroski when
asked to comment on Hewett's
"What does he know anyway," the
The big, brawny man in the double-knit
tuxedo sank back in his deck chair in
the first class section of the Oriana, in
his large ring-encrusted right hand a
seemingly tiny Cuba Libre; in his
equally ring-encrusted large left hand a
long and fragrant cigar. Except that he
was a black, he could have been one of
the fighters. He wasn't.
"This is it, man," he glowered.
"More money for one fight than the
national debt of all those bottom-o'-th,'-
barrel countries that thoughts they was
too big for me. The biggest heavy of 'em
all! Don E. King!"
The Oriana, to be the site of the bout
between Chuck Wepner and Elizabeth
Windsor for the world white
heavyweight boxing championship,
steamed on through the Mediterranean
night with its cargo of King, Wepner
and Windsor, 800 of the wealthiest
people on the face of the earth, closed
circuit television equipment which
would beam the fight into stadiums
everywhere in the civilized world and,
like the man say, more money than
would cover the national debt of those
countries that could not meet King's
conditions for hosting the fight: $4.9
In a small temporary gymnasium,
two decks below where King was sitting
getting plastered and watching the sun
set, sweat rolled down the back, front,
sides, top and bottom of Chuck Wepner.
The finest white heavyweight in the
world since George Chuvalo was
auctioned off to Burns and finally taken
to the slaughterhouse. Wepner was
brutally attacking his sparring partner,
a small, slight woman who was long
unconscious and probably dead.
But Wepner wasn't thinking of his
sparring partner. He was thinking of a
time, less than 24 hours away, when he
would step through the ropes into the
ring in the great first-class passengers'
restaurant, down on D deck. Wepner
knew he would be facing the toughest
challenge to his title from the tiniest
opponent — British and European white
heavyweight titleholder Windsor.
"Let's just say we know something
they don't know," says Felton "F. Lee"
Bailey, Windsor's experienced second
and chief strategist. Presumably,
"they" did: the tale of the tape told
against Windsor. Her 5'7", 128-lb.
frame gave away 10 inches in height,
and more than 90 pounds in weight to
Wepner; her reach was less than two-
thirds that of the lanky American. Most
telling, she was almost twice his age.
Wepner and manager/author George
Woodcock laughed and made silly jokes
when, instead of joining Wepner for
5,760 laps around deck in the mornings,
she closeted herself with lawyers.
"She's changing her will," they would
say. But deep down they were worried;
somehow she seemed to be
strengthening her will.
Indeed, despite her obvious physical
disadvantages, the 800 jet-setters (in
this case, wet-setters) had their money
firmly on Windsor, or rather, had
Windsor firmly on their money: round
coin-like objects and paper bills,
redeemable for food drink and other
objects on the ship, were selling much
more rapidly than the gaudy Win With
Wepner hats, t-shirts and pennants.
The stage was set for the precedent-
setting battle, Regina versus Wepner; a
battle that would go through many
rounds before being resolved.
Shortly before the bell for the first
round tolled, Bailey whispered
something in the Queen's ear and she
nodded. And when Wepner lumbered
out of his corner, three bailiffs leaped
through the rings and seized him.
"Charles Wepner?" one said.
"Thath me," mumbled the pugilist
through his Winnwell mouthguard.
, The bailiff replied that Wepner owed
17.55 for a dine-and-dash from a
Macon steakhouse in 1966 and arrested
him for non-payment. Wepner's agent
immediately paid the debt but not
before the end of the first round; which
was scored in the Queen's favor on the
cards of all three judges.
What soon became clear to everyone
at ringside except Wepner himself was
that the Queen was using the stall
strategy (see Regina versus Bugner,
1965 Canadian Criminal Cases 442,
Ontario provincial court.
After paying two parking fines and
fighting a non-support case for the next
three times, Wepner changed his
tactics, at first quite successfully. He
appealed to judge Arthur Mercante to
rule The Queen's previous tactics out of
order, and by a vote of 2-1 the judges did
this, with only judge Hired Hand
dissenting. As a result, the result of the
fourth round, originally found in the
Queen's favor, was overturned, and
Wepner was awarded that round.
But the Queen argued that such an
after-the-fact judgment was ipso facto
not without prejudice, and appealed to
the World Boxing Authority; in the
meantime winning the fifth-round by
slapping an injunction on Wepner.
The WBA, however, cited Regina vs.
Hamburger (1928) and Regina vs.
Biltenikoff (1944) and backed up the
ruling of the ring-judges.
Outscored heavily to this point in the
battle, Wepner took heart from this
small victory. Charging that the Queen
actually knew she had little hope of
winning the appeal on the fourth round,
but used the appeal for the injunction to
win the fifth, Wepner sued the Queen
and Bailey for punitive damages, court
costs, and appealed that the result of
the fifth round, based as it was on the
appeal of the fourth round results, be
Despite a brilliant defence argument
by Bailey, who cited cases going back
almost as far as the magna carta, the
three judges found for Wepner, so by
the end of the sixth round, the battle
was all even.
Wepner changed tactics for the
seventh: when the bell rang, he ran into
the ring, grabbed the Queen and
commenced to beat the living shit out of
her. It helped him win that round, as it
turned out, but was also a turning
point; from then on the Queen, or at
least her lawyers, won the day.
As he later confessed, Wepner's move
was exactly what the canny "F. Lee"
Bailey had been waiting for. He immediately filed a civil suit against
Wepner for assault and battery.
Wepner maintained that by signing the
boxing contract and by placing herself
in the ring, the Queen was implicitly
liable to be getting the shit beaten out of
However, Bailey cited Doolittle
versus Nagasaki (1945) and claimed
that even though the victim of the
alleged assault was "asking for it," it
did not give the assailant the right to
commit  the   assault.
Wepner lost the case; unable to pay
court costs (his loser's guarantee of $2.3
million didn't even cover the down
payment for his unsuccessful lawyers
(Bakan, Sossidge, Chipps and Spam),
he was forced to take a job washing
dishes in a New York luncheonette and
couldn't continue the fight.
Will there be a rematch?
"I doubt it," said Wepner from
behind a pile of dirty side plates. "You
can't fight city hall."
Or old Bailey, as it turns out.
Opposite: "Put your dukes up!
A     ;
aging Cambell said. "His father is
senile and the young son only plays
with half a deck at the best of times."
The league president argued that the
law has no business dealing with on-ice
issues, even if the charges are as
serious as Murder. "If you go for 50
years and our discipline is acceptable,
what is there that has happened all of a
sudden to make it so unacceptable?
Certainly it isn't anything that's happening in the game, I'll guarantee you
"I've said this many times — the
most violent thing that happens in
hockey games these days is the
language, and most of it is by the coach
against the players. They've even
abandoned the referees now."
When asked how he could possibly
make such a remark in the face of the
violence which killed Murphy, Cambell
replied: "Well, I admit it isn't your
average case, but fighting between the
boys is part of the game and if that's
how it ends up, that's how it ends up.
What do you think would happen to
ticket sales if there wasn't the thrill of
blood and guts action. We'd all be broke
and the owners would get a proper
return on their capital investment."
Added Cambell, often accused of
being slightly silly: "What would have
happened to gladiator duels in old
Rome if the courts kept convicting
people of murder everytime someone
rammed a long metal sword through an
opponents' bloody guts. There'd be a
riot, that's what!"
Cambell's remarks raised eyebrows
in the courtroom but defense lawyer
Leagleson insisted that this interpretation of hockey — independent
of all society's rules — must be accepted by the court for LaMerde to be
When prosecuting attorneys raised
questions about Cambell's sanity,
Leagleson brought on a battery of
psychiatrists to testify that the
president, considering his years, is "fit
as a fiddle upstairs" according to a
York doctor.
The doctor agreed with Leagleson's
, suggestion that Cambell has never been
subjected to "brainwashing" by the
league's national office and that he
made the comments in court "under his
own free will."
LaMerde's parents said LaMerde
was holding up well, considering
everything, yet one got the impression
that the son of a wealthy media man
was getting just a bit special treatment
considering the color television in his
cell, refrigerator-cooled beer, and a
nightly menu with such delights as
pheasant under glass, coq au vin,
chateau briand or crepe supreme (with
a delightful choice of red and white
wines.) Other prisoners were said to be
jealous, especially when the food
bouquet replaced the normally dank
odaj: of the cells.
In his final summation to the jury,
Leagleson cited the failure of past
attempts by the courts "to stick their
fucking noses" into the so-called
violence in the NHL. Wayne Waki, of
the St. Louis Blues and Ted Soleen, then
with the Boston Bruins, were acquitted
in 1970 of assault charges brought
against them in Ottawa after a brutal
fight during a pre-season game Sept. 20,
That fight, Leagleson told the jury,
ended with Spleen suffering a skull
fracture that almost ended his playing
career. Waki, not injured in the fight,
died four years later of a brain tumor.
Bruins forward Dave Forbes was
charged with aggravated assault, the
colorful lawyer who fingered Soviet
fans in Moscow during the 1972 Team
Canada tour said, after a fight with
Henry Boucha, then with the Minnesota
North Stars. After a nine-day trial, the
jury failed to reach a verdict and no
appeal was launched.
Boucha Underwent a series of eye
operations and was still having trouble
with double vision at the beginning of
the season.
One other case is still before the
courts, Leagleson said, involving
Detroit's Dan Maloney, charged with
assault causing bodily harm for an
attack on Maple Leafs' Brian Glennie in
Toronto last Nov. 5.
"If courts have rejected charges laid
by ambitious, publicity-seeking
prosecutors in these other cases, then
the men and women of this jury, in all
good conscious, must find my client,
Jean-Guy LaMerde, not guilt of murder
in connection with the death of Tim
Murphy," Leagleson said.
In charging the jury, Judge Gumby
used a series of complicated hand
signals to review the evidence of the
case. While a seemingly absurd way to
conduct business within the court, the
jury apparently understood the charge
and filed out of the courtroom.
Legal observers expected a long
deliberation by the jury, but no sooner
had the last juror walked out the door
than the foreman returned followed by
the others. Petitioned by the clerk of the
court, each juror repeated: "Not.
guilty" — the verdict was unanimous.
Outside the court, Leagleson
disagreed with suggestions by some
reporters that the NHL now has a
license to kill. "No, no not at all. That
implies we could do it whenever we
want. This ruling simply means that a
five-minute spearing penalty is a
sufficient price to pay — even for an on-
ice death."
Supreme Court of B.C.
February 18, 1976.
The   judgment   of    the    Court    was
delivered by:
GUNN, ROD: I have wrestled with
many hours of testimony and complicated philosophical questions in
coming to a decision in this case which
strikes at the very roots of Canadian
sports hunting which, depending upon
the outcome of this case, could be in
jeopardy in the future. The case involves the Canadian beaver, hereafter
called the plaintiff, petitioning for
damages after he was shot by Randolph
Huntington,   hereafter   called   the
V P&
f   ■
defendent, during a hunting expedition
in the Kootenay Lake area on Dec. 12,
The plaintiff (the huntee) claims to
have "suffered agenesia (sexual impotence) from the injuries received
from the gunshot wound from a .30-06
rifle allegedly fired by the defendent
while claiming he was hunting.
Lawyers for the plaintiff have argued
that because of his injuries, the plaintiff
is unable to copulate (enabling him to
have children) with his wife.
Under normal circumstances, the
case of one member of society shooting
at another's parts would be a criminal
matter of assault before the appropriate criminal courts, ultra vines
of the civil sphere. However this case is
one of the plaintiff attempting to gain
compensation for an assault against
him allegedly executed by the defendent in such a manner, as claimed by
the plaintiff, that his collegium
illicitum (rights were abused.) The
plaintiff has argued that his home was
in a dam on the lake en loco (in that
place) and that because of such
situation he was and is entitled to living
there without the outside violation of his
rignts by a hunter, regardless of the
latter's motivations for said action.
The plaintiff is pursuing this case
under the rules of tort. A tort is a wrong
committed by one member of society
against another member of society. In
the case of Dewhurst vs. Lobodomie et
al (1935) 7D.L.R. 766; Alberta Supreme
Court it was held that "the fundamental .
idea behind the law of torts is that there
are certain rights enjoyed by an individual in society which the law will
protect." There have been no more
senior dissenting views on this opinion ,
so, for the purposes of this case, I hold it
to be the governing principle by which I
may interpret and decide of the merits
of the plaintiff's case.
The fundamental problem in law, as I
see it, is to ascertain whether the
Canadian beaver is, in fact, "an individual in society" as the principle
holds he must for the laws of torts to
apply to his suit for damages against
the hunter.
Historically, the beaver has given his
sweat and skin and fur for the economic
development of Canada which, it could
be argued, is more than can be said for
the greedy, money-grubbing merchants
who made exhorbitant profits off the
beaver's skin. What contributions have
many Canadians made that could rival
the beaver building dams in water,
fathering children, swimming daily for
food, constantly using teeth for construction yet seldom seeing the dentist.
The Canadian beaver is the essence of
hard work, yet through the days of this
hearing it was evident, as the defendent
contended repeatedly, that the beaver
should not be considered an "individual
in society," that title being reserved
exclusively for human beings.
I have done extensive casework on
this question of the "individual in
society" as it pertains to the animals
finding nothing referring to the
Canadian beaver, per se. In the case of
the Irish Setter vs. Purex Dog Food
Corp. 11968] 83 W.W.R. 453 in the B.C.
Court of Appeal it was held by my
brother Judge J. J. Francis that: "the
plaintiff, being an animal, did not have
the inalienable rights within society to
sue a person, board of directors or
corporation for food poisoning, from
which he ultimately recovered but was
paralyzed." In his reasons, the
honourable trial judge rules that the
dog, being of Irish abstraction, did not
have the qualifications to be a member
of Canadian society.
In other legal research I have done,
there have been no other cases of an
animal suing someone else, and in the
case cited the reason against was
unrelated to the question of "the individual in society" which satisfies the
■--.■«...■Jjg4isaVaW   W.'...»iiV^-.SA.'>.   .
law of tort. Hence, after much legal
consideration, studying of history, and
conversations with representatives
from the Canadian beaver community,
I now rule that this animal, being duly
born and raised in Canada, and having
contributed much to the social
development of this country, is indeed a
member of the total Canadian society
and as such is open and entitled to sue
in the civil courts. I therefore reject the
defendent's first line of defence which
was that this action constitutes an
illegal suit because the plaintiff himself
is in no way covered by the fundamental idea behind the principle of
A contrario sensu (on the other hand)
and a fortiori (with stronger reason) I
must reject the second line of alternate
defence which was that the firing of the
gun was an unintentional, hypothetical
accident occurring by chance, out of the
blue, on Dec. 12, 1975. This is simply not
a prima facie (first rate) excuse and I
have trouble believing that the
defendent was just walking by the
Canadian beaver's home and happened
to point his rifle, equipped with a
telescopic lens, into the beaver's
testicles and blow them off. I therefore
reject the second line of defence, out of
In reviewing the evidence before me I
recall the testimony of Dr. B. J.
Thomas who has duly examined and
satisfied me that the plaintiff is incapable of reproducing sperm
necessary during carnal copulation for
the production of little beavers. I acceded to a defence request for a de
ventre inspiciendo (a writ to inspect a
woman to see if she is pregnant) with
the appropriate additions covering a
female beaver, since the defendent felt
that successful insemination had been
achieved since the alleged shooting
incident. The inspection proved
The court has been satisfied that the
fructus (the organic production 'of a
thing) is no longer functioning in the
plaintiff, through no fault of his own.
While jus belli (the laws of war) may
possibly exempt the shooter from any
guilt in such a vile discharge of artillery, the jus naturo (the laws of
nature) carry more weight in my mind
in this matter and thus cast the burden
of guilt on the defendent.
It is in dealing with the defendents
third alternate argument that I find
myself most hardpressed to make a
judgment, ipso factor, non sequitor,
tuum est or otherwise. The argument
submits that the shooting of the
plaintiff's testicles is hardly a civil
matter but instead part of the laws of
sport hunting based on the "survival of
the fittest." To agree with this con-
tention is, in the legal sense, to condone
the killing of one animal by a bigger,
stronger animal yet we must keep in
mind that equity sequitur legem
(equity follows the law). If indeed the
law is equal for all who live under it,
whether it be high in the mountains or
on the litus maris (seashore) equal
treatment for all must prevail. The
beaver, as "an individual in society" as
I have held, should have the same
protection as anyone else in that society
regardless of whether the motivation
for an attack is so-called "hunting" or
armed revolution of the political
proletariat. Society deserves protection
from itself.
Therefore, frustra agit qui judicium
prosequi nequit cum effectu (he sues to
no purpose who cannot have the fruits
of his judgment). I hereby award the
plaintiff all hospital costs incurred for
his full recovery plus additional
compensation for his inability to have
children of $100,000 payable by the
Furthermore, res accendent lumina
rebus (one thing throws light upon
others). The ramifications of the
judgment are serious to all those who
purport to hunt in this country. Let this
serve as a warning to all — if you
murder and pillage the lives of
Canadian animals.who contribute much
to our society, then you could be liable
for claims in the court of torts.
I find for the plaintiff, the Canadian
ON  ANOTHER Thursday,  April   1,   1976
Page 17
Status quo stays, apathy reigns
From page 3
Kenny set up a committee to
equalize women faculty wages
with men and set aside $100,000 for
it. So far, no results.
In February, Kenny promised to
establish a number of committees
to look at sex discrimination on
campus. An ad, hoc committee of
UBC women had previously asked
Kenny to set up a task force to fight
The recommendation was
ignored and so far, the committees
are still not operating.
In the past two months, Kenny
has made a series of speeches
defending the status quo at UBC,
particularly high wages for
faculty, which came under attack
from the downtown press.
Two other issues surfaced: the
"literacy crisis" and student representation on tenure and
promotion committees.
For the second year in a row, 40
per cent of English 100 students
taking a simple skills exam failed.
For the second year in a row,
academics and politicians debated
the issued blaming different
- segments of the educational
system but not making a firm
The remedial workshops
prescribed by senate to help
students deemed to have
inadequate literacy smlls were
swamped with too many students.
The administration and faculty
maintained its perennial opposition to student representation
of tenure and promotion committees.
But student senators Gordon
Funt and Ron Walls finally passed
two mild, watered-down motions
through senate after months of
work. One motion asks the board of
governors to set up a committee to
look at tenure. The second
establishes a senate committee to
• examine teaching quality, which
many students believe is neglected
in tenure decisions.
The senate and the board continued to be ineffective as they
refused as usual to rock the boat.
Students didn't help change things,
In January elections for board
and senate reps, a massive block of
gears put fellow gears Rick
Murray and Basil Peters on the
board to represent students*
Murray, who did little during his
rir-t term on the board, decided he
will leave campns at the end of this
term. He hinted that he may
remain on the board until next
The student senators elected this
year, with the exception of Funt,
and possibly a few others, are
unlikely to stir senate into action.
The direction of the provincial
government changed dramatically
when the Socreds displaced the
NDP, thanks to a coalescing of
"free enterprise" votes and
numerous NDP blunders.
While in office, Dailly decided to
make Notre Dame University in
Nelson part of a proposed fourth
B.C. public university. Before the
election campaign began, Dailly
had decided to close down the
Her successor, McGeer, waffled
on several alternatives for the 25-
year-old     university,     finally
i     promising to allow it to run next
-)    year under a sharply curtailed and
as yet unclear program.
The only clear result of this yearlong battle is that NDU students
and the people of Nelson are
confused, fearful and angry.
The problem is currently
, bouncing around between McGeer,
the Universities Council, which
allocates money to B.C.'s
universities, and deputy education
minister Walter Hardwick.
Hardwick, a UBC geography
prof and former Vancouver
alderman, suggested while a
consultant to Armstrong last
summer that NDU be closed. After
the   Socred   sweep,   Hardwick
gained his powerful post in the
education department.
Dailly also established a 15 per
cent spending increase ceiling on
community colleges and universities. Community college
students, upset by the cutbacks,
and by mismanagement of funds
allocations, protested in strikes
and marches last fall.
McGeer fired members of the
boards of governors of UBC and
several community colleges with
little protest. At UBC, McGeer
fired Clive Lytle, a B.C. Federation
of Labor executive member, as
well as architect Bing Thom
midway through their terms.
McGeer's actions as the ICBC
president had more immediate
effects on students. New auto insurance rates introduced by the
budget-balance conscious Socreds
discriminated against under-25
drivers, who faced rate increases
exceeding 300 per cent.
After loud complaints, "rnost
students submitted and paid the
new rates. Many were compelled
to take McGeer's advice, however:
"If you can afford a car, you can
afford insurance for it. If you can't
afford insurance for it, sell it."
But McGeer, who is on leave next
year from the UBC neurology
department of which he is head,
managed to scrape together $50
million for a new hospital at UBC
which will double the size of UBC's
troubled medical school.
While in office, the NDP moved
to establish a large park and
ecological reserve in the
University Endowment Lands. The
NDP also stopped a proposed
luxury development in the UEL
which would have displaced 179
low- and middle-income residents.
But like so many other things,
both decisions are under review by
the Socreds.
A provincial government
summer employment program
was almost scuttled by Socred
budget cutbacks. But the program
was saved, in a reduced form after
a mild outcfy from students, who
face a bleak job outlook this
In student politics, the Student
Unity slate elected under Jake van
der Kamp left a lasting legacy to
the AMS — a new constitution,
which came into effect in March.
hair studio inc.
5784 University (Next to Bank of Commerce)
Under the new constitution, the
administrative functions of the
AMS have been handed to a council
of appointed students, the student
administrative council. In the
student representative assembly,
student board and senate members
will sit with undergraduate society
reps to debate political questions.
The old student council, which
was replaced by the commission
and assembly, proved its ineffectiveness over the past year.
Council members rarely managed
to agree on anything.
Students failed to pass & $3 AMS
fee increase referendum and
referenda on $1 fee levies for the
National Union of Students and the
B.C. Student Federation failed for
lack of quorum and lack of the
required two-thirds majority vote.
While the effectiveness of NUS is
open to serious question, the BCSF
has shown itself to be a reasonably
effective lobbying group with ihe-
provincial government. But both
groups still leave much to be
This year, UBC students were
given more opportunities than ever
before to influence events around
Student apathy has killed any
chance of effective representation
on the board and senate.
When AUCE members were
forced to strike, students ignored
them. When ICBC insurance rates
were hiked, having an immediate
and dramatic impact on students,
students paid after less-than-
resounding protests.
Next year will also be a year of
change. But as far as students go,
change is a spectator sport.
May 31 to June 11, the United Nations Habitat
Conference will take place in Vancouver.
Several thousand delegates from some 140
countries will be here to help solve problems
like shelter, water supply and transportation for ■
the peoples of the world.
The delegates themselves have places to stay
while they are in Canada; that isn't the
However, many other visitors, professionals,
business people and ordinary citizens will be
attending the parallel Habitat Forum
Conference (May 27-June 11) and will need
If you have a spare bedroom, fold-away couch,
space for a sleeping bag, or backyard space
for a camper, recreational vehicle or tent,
please call us today.
We have a computer to speed operations .and
help match guests and hosts with common
interests. We've also established rental rates to.
help compensate you.
Please call us today. Thank you.
3396 West Broadway, Vancouver
inursaay,   April    i,   iy/o
Page Thursday
Humans humiliated
The recent staging of W. 0.
Mitchell's Back to Beulah by the
New Company, was basically a
production of high calibre.
Although in certain parts the
performance sometimes did little
justice to Mitchell's excellent
script, in others it came close to
Back to Beulah
staged by the New Company
directed by Bob Baker
written by W. O. Mitchell
"A parable of hope for the
hopeless" describes the experimental halfway house that sets
the scene for Back to Beulah. The
play follows the development of a
macabre twist in the relationship
between the four women who occupy the house. Three of the
boarders, Harriet, Betty and
Agnes, are former patients of
Beulah, a provincial mental
asylum. They have been
rehabilitated to the point of
escaping Beulah and are consequently selected as participants
for psychiatrist Margaret Anders'
experiment — to prove a halfway
house is the perfect setting for the
"perfect rehabilitation." It is
during Dr. Anders constant efforts
to explain reality to the women
("What is — is, and what isn't —
isn't") that the role-reversal takes
A plastic doll, which has been
adopted by the three as a live child,
ignites the argument. Dr. Anders is
shocked to discover that they do
not comprehend that the doll is an
inanimate object and immediately
attempts to impose reality upon
Harriet, an omniscient
matriarchal figure to Agnes and
Betty, refuses to allow their dream
to be shattered, and incites the
other two to rebel. A struggle
occurs and the women suddenly
find themselves in physical control
of Dr. Anders. She is bound,
gagged and hidden, and inquiries
as to her whereabouts are laid to
rest with a fabricated story.
The women, distressed by what
they interpret as the doctor's
obvious inability to correctly
discern reality, improvise an office
into which the doctor is led. The
three women consider her case,
and she finds herself subject to an
overwhelming barrage of clinical
and psychiatric cliches, all of
which have obviously been used at
some time by doctors examining
Harriet, Agnes and Betty.
At this stage the play becomes
almost a comedy as a result of the
women's candid use of professional
terminology. Their object is to
"help the patient help herself" as,
being drugged she has troubles
verbalizing. However, the scene
loses its humor as it builds to an
interrogation, and climbs to a
terrifying climax when the three
women, at Harriet's command,
force Anders to breast feed the
plastic doll.
The character portrayals by the
members of the New Company are
acceptable throughout, although
the final scenes excel as the energy
level builds.
Kate McDonald, as Margaret
Anders, is a good choice for the
part of the idealistic doctor.
Although her beginning lines are
delivered with more automation
than spontaneity, making them
sound too well rehearsed, as the
play progresses she settles comfortably into character. Set up by
her three patients as a scapegoat
for psychiatrists and any others
who dare claim normality, she
convincingly plays a victimized
woman, stripped of professional
status and at the complete mercy
of three highly emotional and
unbalanced women.
Heather Brechin's portrait of
Harriet attains and maintains a
constant high level of energy. As
an unbalanced psychotic, she
terrorizes Agnes and Betty with
threats and taunts, ruling over
their minds and lives with an iron
fist. As the instigator of the capture
of Dr. Anders, Brechin performs
with perfect timing, never overplaying,   but   using   subtlety   to
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Irving looked so effemeral!
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complete the picture of a very
dangerous woman.
Nicola Cavendish and Diana
Belshaw, as Agnes and Betty
respectively, are fair, although at
times both tend to overplay their
parts. An action that was intended
to be amusing, lost some of its
humor through Cavendish stepping
out of character to acknowledge
the laughter by overemphasizing
the action.
Any failure in the play that does
occur is due to the misinterpretation and poor acting, rather than
script. Director Bob Barker has
deliberately made scenes that
should not be amusing, comical, so
that much of the impact is lost. The
terror implicit in the innocent lines
must be searched for.
In Back to Beulah, Mitchell has
revealed with painful accuracy the
tendency for any accepted
member of society to adopt an
attitude of personal superiority
toward those not accepted because
they may not conform to society's
image of normalcy. They are
treated with condescension,
patronization, dislike and even
hatred. This embarrassing truth is
clearly shown through Dr. Anders'
position toward the other women
and, even more effectively, after
the role reversal occurs.
Each member of the audience,
having naturally identified with
the only acceptable character in
the play, Dr. Anders, is forced to
experience the humiliation of being
treated as something less than
OUT-FITTERS FOR  THE FREE SPIRITS 1 Thursday,  April   1,   1976
Page 19
page thurs day
Conn's poems harbor real light
This city has engendered a lot
of poetry. We have many poets,
good and.bad, from all walks and
stations, from postman, to night
watchman, to toilet seat salesman,
to telephone operator. The poems
Harbour Light by David Conn
from Fiddlehead Poetry Books
24 pages
are of many varieties: beach
poems, gutter poems, love poems,
beer poems, mountain poems,
enigmatic poems — pick a number
and wait your turn. Something is
lacking though. I would say there is
a shortage in this city of poetry
with a local signature, poetry that
reveals Vancouver in its social and
historial context.
David Conn is a poet presently
working in a Vancouver shipyard.
He has published a chapbook of
poems with the Fiddlehead Poetry
Books Press called Harbour Light.
Vancouver is a harbour city — a
fact that might be difficult to
discover from its literature — and
Conn has written a cycle of poems
about the harbour. He has done it
well and opened up a view of the
city that is seldom seen by those of
us whose knowledge of the sea is
confined to ferryboat rides.
Conn's words move in understated rhythms, past rusting
steel hulls and shipwrights who
have outlasted their wooden
creations, past cranes, spars, and
welders with torches. His words
delve into the roots of the city and
unearth survivors, working men
Bond frustrates
Is Masters and Johnson's latest
bestseller really necessary? Their
first two tomes made them
recognised experts in the field of
human sexuality (and lack of the
same), and made the public aware
of the benefits of sex research. The
Pleasure Bond attempts to extend
Masters and Johnson's authority
well beyond the laboratory. It
could be subtitled The M & J
The Pleasure Bond
by William H. Masters
& Virginia E. Johnson
Bantam Books, New York
1976, 285 pages, $1.98
The core of this book is a series of
symposia with small groups of
married couples to which the'
authors add their comment and
case study material. The symposia
are all three to six years old and
some read suspiciously like padding. The first chapter, a
discussion with recently married
young couples, has the participants
serving as breathless foils for the
experts' advice and lovelore.
The book deals almost entirely
with married and cohabiting
couples because we are told that
they are the vast majority and will
continue to be. Couples are advised
frequently to communicate their
true feelings to each other, to put
sex problems in the context of their
life and other rather eommonsense
Yet to be fair, there are also
some helpful ideas. Masters and
Johnson both feel that the ongoing
liberation of women as sexual
equals takes some of the performance pressure off men yet
state that improved technique
alone won't help unsatisfactory
One sex symposium does consist
of swinging couples. Here certain
statements of the participants are
held up to be unauthentic in interpretive 'comments' inserted later
by the authors. No encouragement
is given these couples struggling to
evolve innovative new lifestyles
and to deal with 'natural' feelings,
like jealousy and insecurity in
unconventional ways. Are these
included merely to prove a point?
For the only follow-up report in the
book reveals that the couples
generally cut down on their
swinging within a year. Point
taken. Swinging can be a transitional phase in a rrjarriage.
Extramarital sex also gets short
shrift from M & J. The authors see
it as destructive to most marriages
and as a revelation of some basic
marital problem. Only one participant in the extramarital
symposium is said to have a
constructive attitude about her
affairs. Others' positive
statements are dismissed as
simple rationalization.
The Pleasure Bond has some
interesting sidelights, such as a
chapter on why women fake
orgasm. Still over-all, the pompous
manner and lack of variety in sex
information or insight make The
Pleasure Bond unworthy of your
two bucks.
SHOW TIMES: 12:40, 2:50,
5:05, 7:15. 9:30
SHOW TIMES:  12:00, 2:00, 3:55, 5:50,
7:55. 10:00
Very Brutal
7:30, 9:40
Very brutal violence,
coarse language
CAMBIE at   )8th
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DUNBAR .1 10th
'Glenda as Hedda
"Based on her performance, there is no doubt  IA*«//jiI
Ms. Jackson will be up for an Oscar." - »«T^f'"I
SHOWTIMES: 7:30, 9:30 4375 W. 10th
with history in their blunt hands
and in their memories. He gives
the harbour a sense of myth, of
things half-recalled, like the aftertaste of vivid dreams, yet he never
moves too far from the present
reality which is his subject.
His poetry is quite readable,
being light on obscure personal
imagery. I am myself not of the
school that believes only what is
cryptic and difficult is literature. I
leave that to crossword buffs and
cryptographers. David Conn does
have mysteries in his poetry, but
even that which is left unexplained
is startling in its clarity, conveying
an intuition of what is meant.
In his poem The Glass Wind, he
A glass wind breaks over
the foredeck. Shards fell
from   my  eyes   and  smash   on
A phantom, immense, invisible,
stalks the strait, leans on me
with all its brittle breath.
If this is just a cold wind that he
describes, then what of the falling
shards? This is a vivid image and it
works      not      logically      but
metaphorically.   It   conveys   the
meaning, it communicates, which
is  something  many  poets  have
forgotten the importance of in their
writing. This is the attitude — this
love   of   obscurity   —   that   has
surrendered literature to the dusty
hands of dry academics.
Though he works in a shipyard,
David Conn is not himself strictly
proletarian — he has a degree in
sociology from UBC. Yet he conveys a strong sense of the men that
work around him, the way they
walk, move, think, and how they go
about their tasks. He succeeds in
communicating the multiplicity of
their personalities, and neatly
sidesteps the common pitfall of
romanticizing or stereotyping
When working in the Vancouver
shipyard, Conn clearly was
touched by the vitality of what he
saw around him and felt the need to
recordhis impressions. His work is
important, in my mind, because he
has given us an aspect of the city
which might have been lost to us if
left     to     more     conventional
historians. His work, Harbour
Light, is worth looking into for its
literary merits also, but its
significance is all the greater for
being relevant as much to people
and history as to art.
Helene 'and Jacquie fonnerlv of V.li.C. village wish lo inrilv our many /nends from
U.B.C. lo our new hairstyliiif' salon in the Marine Building corner of liurrard unci
Hastings.   Why not drop in the next tunc you are downtown ar call for an appointment.
355 A BURRARD (MARINE BLDG.) 688-921
Monday    Friday - 9:00    5:30
Nominations are now being received for the following
UBC Presidential Committees       AMS Committees
Student Housing
External Affairs
Teaching and Academic Standards
Planning & Co-Ordinating Committee, Library Processing Centre,
Safety, Security and Fire Prevention
Charitable Donations
War Memorial Trust Advisory
Women's Athletic Club
Men's Athletic Club
Master Teachers
Food Services
Traffic and Parking
Winter Sports Centre
Nominations for the above committees will close at 4:00 p.m. on Friday,
April 9, 1976. Please leave your name and a very brief resume including
which committee you are applying for, in SUB 250.
The Original
Hand Crafted
Available in Mens and Womens and a variety of
colours. From $70 - $85.
"FRYE"   and   "SHEPPARDS" synonymous
with footwear excellence.
Mens and Womens Mens Only
Thursday,   April   1,   1976
Ex-Socred,   zoology  prof
Master teachers named
The master teacher award, the
annual prize given to the
professor(s) considered the most
outstanding has been won by Ralph
Loffmark and Geoffrey Scudder.
The recipients of the award are
chosen by a committee made up of
faculty, students, board of
governors members and alumni
association members.
Loffmark, a commerce prof, has
been faculty member since 1954.
He holds a law degree from
Toronto's   Osgoode   Hall   and
SCUDDER . . . zoology
teaches commercial law and a
course in government regulation in
business. He was a Social Credit
MLA in the W. A. C. Bennett administration.
Scudder, a zoology prof, joined
the UBC faculty in 1958. He was
educated at Oxford University and
his research speciality is entomology, the study of insects. He
teaches courses in the comparative
anatomy of vertebrates as well as
entomology to undergraduate and
graduate students.
Loffmark and Scudder will share
the $5,000 prize which accompanies
the award, established in 1969 by
Walter Koerner.
Four other UBC professors have
received certificates of merit for
their teaching ability. They are
Noel Nathan, associate
engineering prof, Charles
Slonecker, associate anatomy prof,
Andrew Parkin, assistant
engineering prof, and Lewis
Robinson, geography prof.
The four will receive $500 each in
addition to the certificate of merit.
This year's winners were chosen
from a group of 30 nominees.
Members of the screening committee made their selections after
visiting lectures given by the
nominees and judging their ability.
Department heads and deans
also size up each nominee and give
their assessment to the screening
Let's talk
about your career in
Open House
Wednesday, April 7, 1976, 6:00-9:00 p.m.
Highlighted by a Presentation at 6:30 p.m.
To discuss career opportunities with individuals seeking careers in
Branch Management.
Our well known and successful training programmes range from 3
months to 24 months. We prefer career oriented applicants with
one to six years' experience with financial institutions. We are
also interested in applicants with a minimum of Gradp^.I^t;.
education and preferably one to three years' post-secohd'ary
We  offer job  satisfaction   and  a wide variety of promotional
opportunities in a modern management environment. We offer
good   starting   salaries   and   excellent   comprehensive  employee
benefits. Positions will be throughout British Columbia.
Have a coffee and let's talk about your future.
Bank of Montreal
First Bank Tower
595 Burrard Street
20th Floor
Vancouver, B.C.
The First Canadian Bank
Bank of Montreal
March 31-April 4 — Cecil Taylor Quintet
April 5, 6 & 7—Charles Mingus Quintet
April 9 & 10 - Alexis
April 12, 13, 14 — David Liebman
April 19, 21 - The Meters
May 5, 6, 7, & 8 —   Martha Reves
May 10-15 - Freddie Hubbard
May 17-19 - Gil Scott-Heron
May 24-26 - B. B. King
Advance tickets now on sale!
752 Thurlow
Reservations 683-7306
---""**- -
Final Clearance
Moving Out Sale Permit No 44 360F
Below are just a partial stock list and examples of name brand stereo equipment that have to be cleared out.
OHM, ESS, DUAL, THORENS, KOSS, BGW, PHASE LINEAR AND MORE! Most units available are new
and in factory sealed cartons. Some are demos, and a few are trades. Full manufacturer warranties
applicable on new and demo equipment. Hurry for best selection. Due to the anticipated volume of
business, we shall not be able to handle phone orders. Sorry, no dealers please.
_      SAVE 10, 20, UP TO 50% ! ! !
AR 7
EPI 100V
Studiocraft by Bose Model 330
AR 4xa
EPI 201A
Studiocraft by Bose Model 440
AR 2ax
EPI 250
Marantz 5G
EPI 350
AR 5
Infinity POSH
AR 3a improved
Infinity Column
Infinity Monitor Junior
Ohm D
Infinity Monitor II
SX-434 receiver
SX-535 receiver
SX-636 receiver
SX-737 receiver
SA-6500 amplifier
SA 8500 amplifier
SA-9500 amplifier
TX-7500 tuner
S-7010 receiver
S-7110 receiver
S-7210 receiver
S 7310 receiver
S-8900A receiver
S-7900A receiver
SEL-400 amplifer
S-2400 tuner
Marantz 3200 pre-amp.
Marantz 140 power amp.
Epicure Model 1 power amp.]
Phase Linear 2000 pre-amp. j
CM Labs Ft 805 receiver
BGW 1000 power amp.
BGW 500D power amp.
~J   \3
n ^
Dual 122S
Dual 1226
Dual 1228
Pioneer PL-12DII
Pioneer PL-15R
Pioneer PL-S5X
Fons CQ-30
Ariston RD II
B & O Beogram 3000'
ALSO: PIONEER CTF 2121 DOLBY Cassette deck
1034 Davie St. (near Burrard) 681-8188 Thursday,  April   1,   1976
Page 21
Forestry jobs now scarce
From page 2
"There are a number of temporary summer positions open
with options for permanent work in
the fall, but with the economic
slowdown the companies aren't
making many offers," he says.
MacDonald said he wouldn't
want to put anyone off entering
forestry because jobs are scarce at
this time.
"Forestry is a cyclical thing with
ups and downs. I wouldn't want to
predict what might be happening
four years in the future," he said.
Of the 46 forestry grads last
year, 83.7 per cent were available
for employment and all found
work. Approximately 11 per cent
went on to graduate studies.
According to the student services
report, almost 90 per cent of
education    graduates    seeking
employment received full-time
teaching positions in 1975.
But Ann Dahl, of the B.C.
Teachers Federation, says employment opportunities for
teaching graduates this year will
depend on how much money the
provincial government will put into
"It will be very much easier to
predict after we know how much
money is going to be spent. But if
(education minister Pat) McGeer
is speaking of a 10 per cent cutback
is going to mean teachers will have
to be much more mobile and be
prepared to leave the Lower
Mainland," she says.
(The provincial government
budget released Friday provided
for an 11 per cent over-all increase
in education spending.)
About 70 per cent of commerce
grads will secure employment in
1976, according to Allan Ec-
clestone, employment rep of the
commerce undergraduate society.
This estimate is down five per
cent from 1975, when 75 per cent of
commerce grads found work after
"It'll probably be a little rougher
this year than last year," Ec-
clestone says, "the demand hasn't
changed but the supply has."
He says there will be 225 commerce grads this year compared to
175 in 1975. He estimates next
year's class to number more than
300 students.
"Obviously, if the job market
doesn't increase drastically people
are going to be out of jobs," he
Then why go into commerce?
"It's really just a ticket for where
you want to go," he replies.
The 3,288th anniversary of the Exodus from Egypt.
Chabad Lubavitch will be providing a free seder for Jewish college
students on the 1st two days of Passover, April 14 and April 15,
8:00 p.m. Space limited — please call in advance Rabbi Weinberg,
Come on down and
At one location only
540 Granville Mall
Thursday,  April   1,   1976
Hot flashes
For all of you examophobic
students who long to stop writing
essays and to get on with the
more artsy fartsy aspects of
creative writing we bring you a
Workshop? Yes, the Creative
Writers' Exchange is meeting
tonight for a writing workshop
and bull session. The Exchange is
a group of young students, writers
and drunkards who meet on the
first and third Thursday nights of
every month to workshop their
poetry, short stories, nonaction,
drama and what have you quirks!
The Exchange replaces the now
defunct Vancouver Writers'Guild
and invites every interested body
to the Pacific Press Building at
Granville and Sixth Avenue (use
Sixth Ave. entrance). Room 243
tonight at about 8:00 p.m.
The Vancouver Resources
Board needs 10 volunteers to care
for ex-mental patients.
The recently released patients
live in two half-way houses in
Volunteers will be paid up to
$15 a month for transportation
expenses and would be expected
to spend at least two hours a week
helping the ex-patients adjust.
Do you like to sweat? If so you
should sign up at the Varsity
Outdoor Club room in SUB basement to the V.O.C.'s program of
summer hiking and mountain
'Tween classes
Live radio drama entitled "A Friend
In Need," 5:30 p.m., CITR office.
Also a year-end song review with
Cousin Dickie, noon to 3 p.m. on
Modern dance performance "rehearsal," noon, SUB auditorium.
C-west meeting, noon, the clubroom.
Worship service and last meeting of
the year, noon, St. Andy's.
Nutrition clinic, 9 a.m., Wesbrook
Final social evening, 8 p.m., SUB
Graduates' testimonies, noon, SUB
Informal meeting for anybody interested in studying in Quebec and
French     universities,     noon,     Buto
French lounge.
Speakers, about extradition procedures against Leonard Peltier, 8
p.m., 1208 Granville.
Disco dance, 8 p.m., SUB Ballroom.
Last meeting and dinner at noodle
makers, noon, SUB 215.
Information about the year-end dinner, noon, Brock Annex 351A.
Arts Keg party, 4 p.m., SUB
Farewell     meeting,     noon-,     International House upper lounge.
Benefit rally and dance for Leonard
Peltier, 7:30 p.m., SUB ballroom.
General   meeting,   7  p.m.,   Lasserre
main floor.
Friday, April 2 — 9 p.m. to
7 a.m.
$1.50 admission
Disco and band — full facilities.
grin bin
3209 W. Broadway
(Opp. Liquor.Storeand Super Valu) '
Art Reproductions
Art Nouveau
Largest Selection
of Posters in B.C.
Photo Blowups
from Negs& Prints
Jokes - Gifts, etc.
The children shown above are playing on what used to be a tailing
pond nearSalmo, B.C.
Tailing ponds are found near most mines in British Columbia.
They are where the sand-like tailing—the result of grinding rock
down to a size small enough to release the mineral—is deposited.
Ponds protect the environment by holding the sand in one small
area. They also collect water used in the concentration of minerals
so that it can be pumped back into the concentrator for re-use.
Since the rock was originally mined many feet below the surface-
it was once thought that nothing could grow naturally in tailing. But
the thick cover of grass shown in the photo resulted after Placer
applied selected seeds and booster applications of fertilizer.
Other mines in the Placer group have found that, with the proper
methods, grass can thrive on tailing, rock dumps, and other areas
previously used in mining operations.
Mines need land to produce the metals and minerals we all need-
but they also respect the environment.
Flush has it that on this tropical
island of lust and lasciviousness
the hairy puce blorgs have
slithered out of the BOG to attack
the annual student newspaper orgy
and in-progress fertility rites.
1110 Seymour St.
RATES:   Campus — 3 lines, 1 dsy $1.00; additional tines 25c
Commercial — 3 tines, 1 dey $1.80; additional tines
40c. Additional days $1.50 & 35c.
Classified ads are not accepted by telephone and are payable in
advance. Deadline is 11:30 a.m„ the day before publication.
Publications Off ice. Room 241, S.U.B., UBC, Van,§, B.C.
5 — Coming Events
CLEBRATE THE END of tbe School
Year! Come to the CITR DISCO in
the SUB Ballroom, Friday, April 2nd.
Tickets available at AMS office only.
$1.00.  Loaded with good  times!
2780 Alma, 738-2912. Spring Pottery
Classes starting April 19. Morning &
evening classes for adults. Two
children's afternoon classes. Workshops open to everyone! Phone and
register  now —  738-2912.
will be presented at University Hill
United Church, University Blvd. at
7:30 p.m., Sunday evening, April 4th.
No admission charge, an offering
will be taken.
10 —For Sale — Commercial
CLEARANCE of TEXAS Instruments,
Calculators. SR50's $80.00; SR51's
$115.00. Statisticians. Limited quantity.
Call 738-5851 evenings.
Western Canada's finest selection of
sound equipment. 3 sound areas for
undisturbed listening, knowledgeable
staff, highest quality—lowest prices.
Featuring — Marantz, Pioneer, Kenwood, Sony, Technics, Teac, Tannoy,
Dual, Thorens, Leak, Wharfedale,
Klipsch, Nakaimchi, etc.
2699 W.   Broadway 733-5914
"The   Finest  for Less"
11 — For Sale — Private
4" THICK DOUBLE BED, foam mattress. $15. Tel. 224-0541  after 5.
'74 HONDA CB360. Only 1800 miles.
Exc. cond., crash bars, windshield,
2 helmets. $1200 O.N.O. Ph. 943-4702
after 5 p.m.
'73 HONDA 3S0, only 5700 miles, exc.
cond. 2 helmets. $790. Ph. 266-8843.
SALOMON 404 BINDINGS. Replaced by
Salomon 444. Two seasons old. Good
condition.   $25.00   O.B.O.   321-1156.
Excellent  condition.  $350.  263-4833.
STEREO: Pro-linear amp, Garrard
turntable. Ultimate speakers. *340.
Also an assortment of astrology
books. 873-6989.
20 — Housing
2 PLEASANT GIRLS preferred to share
huge new house from May to September, near UBC. Prefer non-smokers,
no pets.  228-0883.   $150/month.
ROOM AND BOARD, Kerrisdale. Male
preferred. $150. Phone 261-0156 evenings.
SHARE HOUSE with grad student May
to  Sept.   733-3190.  Dunbar at  19th.
SUMMER   SUBLET   near  49th   &  Main.
.  Basement   suite,   3   bedrooms,  fenced
yard,   dogs   OK,   absolutely   no   cats.
$195/mo.  327-9827.
SLEEPING ROOM close to Campus,
available immediately. Private entrance and bathroom, new home,
fridge and snack facilities, male non-
smoker preferred. Phone 224-9319
after 6 p.m.
apartment near as possible to UBC
gates. Willing to share with same.
228-4509 (day), 224-4206 (nites). Req'd
for all next year.
TWO BDRMS. Mixed house. Room to
live in, not just exist. Privacy. April-
August. All welcome. Has the works.
THRU-SUMMER accommodation, male
students preferred. Apply now, St.
Andrew's   Hall,   224-7720.
25 — Instruction
TAI CHI CHUAN for health and self-
defence forms and application call
Mr. Cho, 874-4932.
30 - Jobs
681-9816 from 11:00 a.m.-2:00 a.m.
546   Howe   Street.
ARE YOU OVER six feet tall, well-
built, alert, keen, with a smart
mind, a good education and think
you deserve a better opportunity?
Cocky little  bugger,  aren't you.
ADVERTISING   SALES   —   experienced
salesperson required for a" period
of 2-3 months. Apply Publications
Office, Rm. 241, S.U.B. Deadline,
April  8.
join musicians/vocalists for jobs and
jams,  jazz,  country, rock.   689-1380.
35 - Lost
40 — Messages'
50 — Rentals
— blackboards and screens. Free use
of projectors. 228-5021.
60 — Rides
65 — Scandals
From  The   Penthouse
Gang Of Tweeds
70 — Services
coach 1st year. Calculus, etc. Evenings. Individual instruction on a
one-to-one basis. Phone: 733-3644. 10
a.m. to 3 p.m. daily.
80 — Tutoring
FAST,    EFFICIENT    TYPING.    Essay*,
thesis,   manuscripts.   266-5053.
90 - Wanted
TO BUY: Chem 230 and 205 lab notes
and books from 1974-75. Mary, 733-
WANTED: For May 1st. 5-bedroom
house close to UBC. Reasonable rent.
After 5 phone Nancy, "224*503 or
Sheila   228-0982.
IN PEACHLAND, room and board
needed April 21-May 15 for female
on teaching practicum. Phone 224-
9977, ask for Janice. Write Box 157,
1935 Lower Mall, Place Vanier, UBC,
COMPANION, female preferred, for
adventure trip Central America —
horseback and foot, 6 to 8 mths.
Rough, primitive, demanding, part
cost sharing. For details write Jim
Coultier, 976 West 14th Ave., Vane.
Departure,  appr.  Sept.
99 — Miscellaneous
UBYSSEY CLASSIFIED GET RESULTS Thursday,  April   1,   1976
Page 23
Use less fuel—Nader
From page 3
rising cost of uranium, forced by
what he called a "uranium cartel,"
whose  members  include  Exxon.
Describing the uranium cartel as
one cartel with a positive effect —
the rising costs are discouraging
dangerous atomic plant construction — Nader said its members have tripled the price of
uranium to between $20 and $30 a
pound from $8 a few years ago.
Nader said instead of constructing new nuclear plants to
solve the "energy crisis," people
should use less energy.
He said Sweden, which has a
wealthier economy than the U.S.
■ and is in a cold region, is able to get
; along with 50 per cent less energy
' consumption per capita than the
"If the U.S. and Canada are
going to be as efficient in 2000 as
Sweden is today, we could double
the size of the economy with the
same energy," he said.
Nader said officials are still
living with a Second World War
myth that nuclear power is the
solution to mankind's problems
and as a result are ignoring the
opportunities that exist with solar
He said even in climates such as
B.C., the sun's energy can be
tapped by using forest waste in
small power generators which are
UEL scheme
once more
The president of LRS
Development Enterprises plans to
meet the provincial government
soon to formally propose his
controversial multi-million dollar
University Endowment Lands
development scheme.
Dinos Lambrou said Wednesday
he is waiting for a call from environment minister Jim Nielson's
office setting a time for him to
present the proposal, which would
include accommodation for about
1,000 people earning more than
$12,000 annually and what he called
community facilities of benefit to
the entire UEL community.
Lambrou said he is willing to
meet representatives of the UEL
Tenants Society, who have opposed
the project since it first became
The land development company
holds options to purchase 3.6 acres
bounded by Allison, Toronto,
Dalhousie and Kings Roads.
cheap to construct and maintain.
"But the sun is not the kind of
thing Exxon likes," Nader said.
"It's super abundant. It's super
priced. And it's not subject to the
kind of manipulation between rich
companies like other fuels."
Nader said solar energy offers a
possibility to "decentralize
technology" and bring the fuel and
power generating capacities more
directly to the consumers.
Nader called on UBC students to
form a consumer action group
similar to ones at Waterloo and
McMaster Universities in Ontario
and others in American universities.
He said these groups — supported by a student levy of $5 per
year — provide money for lawyers,
research and lobbying and
cooperate with each other through
leadership he provides.
Do you remember the struggles of your adolescence or are your
own teenagers almost grown up? Your experience may help us
with one of our teens who needs room and board and something
extra ... If you live in Vancouver, please phone Muriel Simon or
Terry Fafard 733-8111 Mon.-Fri. 9-5.
The Lions Gate Indoor Tennis Club will be ready to open its doors in a few
weeks. We are looking for top-notch, highly personable individuals, who
enjoy meeting the public, who are intelligent and well-groomed. Some
knowledge of tennis would be an asset. We need someone who will do that
job that needs to be done.
COORDINATOR A - Monday through Friday 8:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m. Typing
will be required. General front desk receptionist duties as well as a certain
amount of member-contact for organizational programs. Court bookings
and general office duties. Selling merchandise in sports shop.
COORDINATOR B - Monday through Friday 4:00 p.m.-Midnight same as
above. No typing required.
COORDINATOR C -Saturday and Sunday. 8:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m. same as
above. Typing an asset.
COORDINATOR D - Saturday and Sunday 4:00 p.m.-Midnight. Same as
above. No typing required.
COORDINATOR E - This is a job for those who would like to be on call
for special events where extra staff would be required. This could include
someone  to  help  run  tournaments  and other special events, either in
coordinating, clerical or janitorial.
MAINTENANCE A - Wednesday through Sunday 11:00 p.m.-7:00 a.m.
Person for general club maintenance. Able to cope with working at 18'
heights  in  court  area. Clean courts, laundry, general maintenance and
cleaning of clubhouse. All-around handyman.
MAINTENANCE B - Monday and Tuesday 11:.00 p.m.-7:00 a.m. Same as
If you are interested in any of these positions, and can fill the requirements
listed, please call Sylvia Steffens, at 980-5734 for an appointment.	
Canadians in global mission
Short and long term commitments
Priests and lay members
Rev. Terry Gallagher, S.F.M.
Scarboro House,
9209-105th Ave.,
Edmonton, Alberta   403/424-3321
I'm interested. Send me more information.
A wine for all reasons. Mateus Rose.
Product of Portugal.
Marketed across Canada
by Canadian Schenley Distilleries Ltd.
ry   The Roots    ^
of Summer
The new Summer sandals from Roots.
Lightweight soles, foam padded insoles and
lined with great Canadian leather.
Roots Sandals. A summer holiday for your feet.
The Sun Root, in cedar for men and women.
The T-Root, in cedar, chestnut and white.
The Open Root, in cedar for men and women.
The Holiday Root, in coco and saddle leather.
Vancouver—766 Robson Street (Across from
Eaton's)'- (604) 689-9916
Victoria-1202 Wharf Street (Ac
Bastion Square) — (604) 3
I Page 24
Thursday,   April   1,   1976
what you want
is what you get!
We asked people to compare A&B. They said: '". . . best price on
tapes in town . . . all the other stores are too high priced as far as I'm
concerned . . . really rate against U.S. stores . . . they got the largest
selection and really good prices . . . they don't sell garbage on their
sales .'. . the place really grows on you ... I've always liked A&B
so that's it."
LP 100
New name in turntables
from the famous Toshiba
company. Introductory price.
Paul McCartney & Wings
Wings at the Speed of Sound
Rock 'NK Roll Love Letter
Song of Joy
Crisis? What Crisis?
more records
many, many more^
at unadvertised
sale prices
What stereo guide tells you to buy the
least expensive  turntable  cartridge? Audio File! Real
sound    information.
Free at A & B.
Seymour at
Five, Five, Six
downtown Vancouver


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