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The People's Ubyssey Mar 25, 1949

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 Vol 31
VANCOUVER, B. C, FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 1949.
No. 83
e}s
TheD
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A        W        l
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p
DIRT EXPO
ey
AS
f$.
i r.
fci".+
n
Today's Highlights
SEE STORY PAGE 2
Provincial Council Hears
Colored Debate On New
Sensational Water Substitute
SEE STORY PAGl 7
Sanitation Attache Plunges
To Earth In Bravely Daring
Desperate Dash For Freedom
SEE STORY PAGE 4
GWENEVERE BATES-KEN-
YON, mother of 17; has been
acclaimed winner of the People's  Republic  Gold  Star  for
Mothers. Mr. Bates-Kenyon, a
small unassuming little man
describes himself an "oyster-
hoister". He is employed by
the Sloshwell Oyster Co-operative Ltd. and is himself a
three-time winner of the Gardening for Glory Medal.
Black History Of Progressive
Conservative Party Bared
In Daring Peopled Expose
SEE STORY PAGE 2 Page 2
THE  PEOPLE'S  UBYSSEY
Friday, March 25, 1949. v
High Treason Charge Launched By PCRACDG
Against Money Mad AMS Treasurer Plant;
Last-Minute Escape Bids Pays Off When
Finance Wizard Flees On Concealed Came!
OTTAWA, Ont., March 25. — In its first prosecution since
assuming power, the People's Co-Operative Republican Associated
Combined Dominion Government *oday ordered the Solicitor-Genera!
to launch prosecution for gross Ji'gh treason against University of
British Columbia treasurer Paul Plant.
Plant is charged with:
1. Rape of the people. He made a profit of $11,000.
2, Perpetrating double-entry bookmaking.
S, Gross High Slander against the Voice of the People, The
People's Ubyssey.
4, Currency violations and illegal dealings in foreign
currency.
Si Dropping a candy bar wrapper on the sidewalk.
Plant, last sec-n hurriedly stuffing papers i'n his brief-case,
made a last-minute road escape-bid using broken field running
.lirough a playing field where capitalist fraternity members had
held a bonfire party.
The panting, humed man completed   People's Co-operative Protective Fed-
Peoples Ubyssey
Exposes Ism In
Pro. Conservatives
BY PEOPLES UBYSSEY STAFF REPORTER
What   is   Pn.ijrcisX'c-Consc-vc.tism'.'
In the face of heated discussion over the gron-th and possible menace of
(/iii unde mound ism Thc People's Ubyssey as a public duty presents the
known and admitted /nets about leadinj Progressive-Conservatives in our
prormie and their aims. \
Citizens ;f this rrovme should knew that the Prcgress.ve-Conservaiive^
aiovc.men' is no fly-by-night organization but a closely knit, well organized
.r.rt built up t'lreuph yeari cf rigcrous party discipline,
PYRAMIDS STARTED
CAMEL RIDING Paul Plant,
disguised as an itinerant hashish-vendor, has disappeared into a mountain fastness. Chief
Public Frrscculoi' called Pkmi
"a i sagacious scurvy s::um" after lav :'!.', Cii,'.u\'4as >n rapt1 o'
the j-ai.-:;,: purse a^aaiat hiir
toda.y. ".Tjic'.m doesn't own jjkiy
crickeL"  he added.
0|
!srs
Voted Best
Organization
The People's Ubyssey was overwhelmingly voted the best-liked organization on the campus this week,
in   a   preferential   balloting.
The People's Ubyssey swept the
polls in every class on the preferential ticketing that included, besides
the People's Ubyssey, the People's
Ubyssey arret the People's Ubyssey.
Thus, the People's Ubyssey stands
head and shoulders above 'all other
organization in the favor, devotion,
esteem and regard of the student at
large, (especially the little fellow).
FAVORITE
Out of the 8,000 votes cast, the
People's Uby.ssey won 7,999 votes over
its nearest competitor in every category through the ballot. There was
one spoiled ballot, resulting from one
student voting a straight Paul Plant
ticket throughout the tally.
It is suspected the miscreant i.s
Paul Plant. But there is no concrete
evidence, since contrary to usual
Peoples' Government practises, the
balloting was done in sec-eh
When quizzed, Plant feigned honest
pleasure,
Said Plani: "I'm speechless. They're
(People's Ubyssey I sensational! Tn
th" c. ii.al reader of the Ubyssey, it
might appear they are lacking in objectivity, in integrity,, accuracy-hut
I swear by my surplus it ain't so."
JOUUMAMSM
''Take thc stories about me I'or instance Another example of striking
journalism.
"And there's nothing rigid about
their thinking. Why, I don't .suppose
you could find another paper on the
continent with such an elastic editorial  policy.
"I was talking with Brousson the
other day  about   the Newspaper.    He
desperate clash for freedom and
eluded captors by disguising himself
as a Russian Count of the Peter the
Great era in a black, flowing robe
ieft over from a meeting in the
armory  earlier   this  week.
The wild-eyed escapee ran a mile
ts> a Camel concealed in a hidden
entry and t u ■':. n ia ta.s . aid, to a
mountain   fast:'1   :.
Police, ho.vevi r, -aid they had i;o
faiihtios for pursuing Camel  trains.
The charges lacing Plant arose out
of his administration of Alma Mater
Society funds.
1.     Despite     warnings     from     the
A YAHKm mCKBL
4. Did on or about the same day
commit a criminal act as defined in
the Control of Foreign Currancy Act
in that he did deposit a five cent
piece minted by the Govenment of
the United States of America in
machine known as a slot machine
which  said   machine   is  strictly  con-
era 1 Republican Associated Combined
Dominion did so misuse ar.d mishandle the people's money that he
showed a capitalistic profit on his
bs.oks.
2. Did enter on his books in two
a: sas ,aii entry despite further warn-
'.; u- from tb.e People's department of
'■  - ■'■'.   !;■ ■•;   ne   that   this   pr.utile   ve
ils origins may be n-.ced back well over four thousand years to tb.e
time of Pharcah Tunl.tnkhismen III (alia Tintankhamen) who crushed tie
warly Egyptian people's movement in his slave labcr pyramid building
pvojei'ts. Catacombes desgned to hold part archives have revealed the truth
. baut  the origins ef  ihe  movement.
S:r Henry Smythe-Churchill. representative cf Oxford (a little known
'.;.;'. veil esftiblishe 1 Iranian; school for Tories) was dispatched under secret
■veers in 1307 to excavate thc ruins with instructions to hide the facts from
svley. Ostcns'h'.e :o:s it f.iven fcr the inn, of course, was to conduct
■'alii! at ekcalogie: ! rsseareh. His real nurpese was revealed by Aeademecian
Joseph Pchcski <Soviet Journal of EgyptoUgy 1923) who made copies of they
documents in llh'G.
BURKE ALIAS GURKE
In the Western world the organization remained underground until 1783
when Edmund Burke (alias Gurkc) brought tlie party out into the open in an
e'li'ort to forestall thc People's Tarty revolution in France. The noted patriot
Itohespiene foil.d his plot however. Burke in a libelous Hcentuous (filthy)
(presented a complete fabrication of the People' Parly aims entitled "Reflections on (he French Revolution (for which he was paid twenty pounds by tlie
Progressive Conservative Party).
act about  thi
i a
eottii .in
to   Marxist
ibout   the
,'). Did on about tne -i-itn
March. 19-19, in tlie presence
Kople'-,   Investigating   Witne.-s
.cr
f  dulv
-e.s   sav
"The   People's   Ubyssey
poor newspaper.
Public
is   a   rattier
Streets of the City of Vancouver in the Province of British
, Columbia and within the boundaries
| (as defined by the legal boundaries
'act. of 1897) of the Dominion ot
i Canada.
;    David    R,    Williams,    lawyer,    for
r .p..
i IV I   ,  ■ i
hats, and
the state
episode
erne <"-f the
Pro- losstve-
-revcUition-
!■.:..   :i  a .    These
.   it       :.; sash eiHinte;
n    •■ :   linn   production   of   bo.n.i
sue1', sib.tage as humour and the
t bourgeois  independence).
MERRITT SHOOTS  PEAS
structed for use of five cent pieces Plant said: "I am cognizant of the
minted by'the People's Government incongruities arising out of this case
of   Canada. i of my client  but I adhere firmly  to
5. Did on or about the 24th clay of the belief that my client has not at
March drop or permit to be dropped a any time intended to commit a crim-
wrapper   from   a   candy   bar   on   the   inal offense."
SUPREME COURT OF CANADA
"I quote from sup. ce8866457--X8* ,
records   of   the   Supreme   Court   of I '
Canada   in   which   in   the   year   1893 j
it   was   found   that   public   rape   did i j
not of and by itself constitute a
criminal act, AU other charges are
trumped up and based upon acts
of the so-called Government of Canada in the form of the PCRACD
Government,
If convicted Plant is liable to a
total of 173 years, 4 months and three
days in the People's Correction Unit
(salt mine) No. 37 at Mo.sse Groin
Saskatchewan.
Chief Prosecutor Algeron Hammer-
smith-Ickthanhoug says he will press;
for  the maximum sentence for Planl.
in Diat'sh Columbia tne following are well kntnvn underground organ-|
beats.   Al! ; re know si. in have taken courses al Clravtwell.
Herbert Anscombe talias Buncombe real name Reginald Lcc-Forescue-1
Fcatherstonehaupli) provincial treasurer of the movement.
h ward   Creeu   ireal  name-  Lord   FlitcwelD.   an   international   organizer.
Cecil Merritt, V.C. on bourgeois de:craticn>. leader cf the military wingl
and well known expert en pea-shooters in c'nr.rge cf the sewage disposal]
wrecking unit.
POLLUTION VERY PROMiNENT
'these men are located strategically throughout industry with orders to|
.rente   profits.
Indicative ef the low cunning of uie Party is the planting of Tim Buckl
takes Svvin!)irnh'.:u?h) in the Pimple's Party with orders to carry on in such|
an insai'.e manner is to wreak the entire people's movement.
n
I N
People s Ubvss
i
said something about ''licence"
1 said 'you're right. Dave; those
lows   disei ve  a   licence.'
fc-1- '
The People's Ubyssey will publish
minus 2 Issues per week beginning hi
September.
The m«ve was mule on advice of
People's Commissar of Internals Paul
Plant. Since the paper could be made
twice as good by issuing only twice
a week and and four Hint's as good
by issuing on re a week, editors agreed
to make the paper eight times as good.
A    Cuban    has    recently    invented
water-proof spinach  for divers to eat.
comparisons
-V*
In   a  colony  of  skunks
ire   odorous.
ItilLL I'OKN J»M LWrni uneiges from lh;
Run !L;ia,shi!'t, of the Ubyssoy editorship and lii
1'iorv Pit  to  tvli
mlei'no  ol  tlu
C W
P..I
do vi
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lis]
i  oredecessoa *N_
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<b9 Page 4
THE  PEOPLE'S  UBYSSEY
Friday, March 25, 1949,
WOMAN HAS BABY IN BROC
Escape leap
n
Privy Chamber In Uproar As
Salt Mine Commission Finds
Workers Eating Up All Profit
Peoples' government spy
trials smashed wide open early
this morning when Ulysses S.
McFetlock, capitalist sanitation inspector plunged from
the twelfth storey window of a
Capitalist country embassy.
A blanket of silene has been thrown
around McFetlock> bed in Peoples'
General Hospital, by the simple process of serving injunctions on aU
persons who wish to communicate
with him, including spies.
Mr. McFetlock was unavailable for
comment.
His condition is described as "goot!"
SHATTERED BODY
Meanwhile, as the shattered body
of the leap victim writhes iri agony
in the hard hospital cot, Peoples'
Government intelligence agents are
working desperately to discover some
connection between the spectacular
leap from the embassy and the espionage trials here.
Intelligence chief Walter Mulligan
expressed belief that McFetlock can
produce evidence that will crack open
the case, and (hat his near-suicidal'
plunge was a bid for freedom from
the embassy, where he was held
against his will.
"I ihink McFetlock can produce ii '-
portiint evidence that will smash
open the spy trials," Mulligan declared. "I think his leap was a bid
for freedom,"
WITNESS
MbFetlock will be quizzed as a
material witness as soon as he i.i
able.
Meanwhile, police are pondering the
latest evidence unear'thed in the spy
prabe, in connection with the freedom
leap.
Yesterday, fifty thousand words of
closely-written documents were d'r,-
overed in a Walnut shell, cleverly
concealed in the orchard of the
Peoples' University.
Mulligan stated that McFetlock's
wife had, under questioning, admitted McFetlock was fond of walnuts
McFetlock "would do anything for
a walnut," she had confessed.
WALNUT CRACKED
The walnut had been cracked open.
scooped out and cleverly giua.l together  to simulffte  a rea;   wr.lnui.
It wa.s discovered nestling on tho
roots of a weeping willow—obviously
no place for a walnut—that had | death
been donated lo the University by
Marmadtike Jeers, now sub-under- !
secretary (jg> in the Department c>(
Defense,   and   member   of   tho   clnsj
OTTAWA, March 25, 1949 (People's United Press) .—The
People's Commission on Salt Mines tabled its report before the
Council of Commissars this morning.
In   a   startling   expose   which   left1^"
the  council   in an   uproar  the  com-
what to do about the situation. "We
' cannot   send   the   salt   commissar   to
mission   revealed  that   not   a  single the   salt   mines   because   our   report
grain   of  salt  had   been   realized   by' shows   that   this  form   of  correction
the Peoples' National Salt Mines Cor-'is  inefficient."
poration in the past seven decades.
"We have been sending people to
the salt mines for seventy-five years,"
Chief Investigator Hiram Peabody-
Jones decarded, "and so far not one
iota of salt has reached tlie people's
tables."
The Commissar of Salt Mines rose
from his seat on the council table
at this point looking extremely pale
and called the Chief Investigator
"a libelous, licenetious, worthless, no-
good, bone-headed, reactionary, bourgeois liar."
He explained that inmates of the
'It is the opinion of the People's' People's Correction Units (salt mines)
Commission that the Commissar of were (ed on saitl,ork'and water.
Salt Mines has been milking (orj "By the time their pork is salted
should I say salting?) the people and there is no salt w, ovel% ^y^ but
selling the salt on the black markat  a   fatheaded,   boifygeoia,   reactionary,
Tractor Employees
Take The Plunge
Of fascinating interest to the employees of No. 4 People's Co-operative Tractor Works was the marriage
last night of Nayda Borscht and Fedor
Minck. Nayda is the youngest daughter of Comrade and Mrs. Borscht, and
Fedor is eldest of the eleven sons of
Comrade and Mrs, Minck. Both families reside at the Z-4 Hutments, in
rooms 5 and 7 respectively.
The bride looked utterly ravished
in long white gown of white cotton,
tastefully gathered in front with deep
tucks from neckline to hem. The
gown, made some months ago, was
given the fuller effect only recently
when the tucks were recommended
by observant friends. However, it
looked charming when the "I did's"
were  exchanged   last  night.
The groom, however, did full just-
I ice to the oysters which formed the
piece  de   resistance  of   the   wedding
banquet.
On Thursday afternoon Miss
Agatha Arbuthnot, of 2822 Finders Drive, brought her two-
months old niece into the Broek
Hall, at the invitation of the
Alumni  Association.
FOR SALE       ^
Complete Set of Flingerland Radio
King Ddums, 1 Year old
(Good as New)
TAtlow 1001
ROUND UP
12:15 Daily
CKN WJ
at a fabulous profit," he said.
AT A LOSS
He   admitted,   however,   that
the
uneducated Investigator could see
that it would be uneconomic to
produce   more   than   we   need   for
commission  was  at  a   loss   to   know  salting our pork," he said.
We Have Cap, Gown
and Hood
Studtol
(Opp. Safeway at Sasatmat)
For Your
GRADUATION
PORTRAITS
Before Exams Begin
Wh Discount on Graduation*
Portraits
4538 West 10th
AL. 2404
k
ft®
1 Vv
i
„ s«»oke
FLUNCE  SCf.NE   where   Sanitation   attache  plunged   to   hi:;
i...-.fl,    Arrow indicates; .spot where battered body was recovered.
of
*'}'"',
Debonair, smooth-talking Jeers has
been in rn.-i'tody on c conspl.'Mey
lahiti'He siiK'r last week. He wil! be
nili.•;.■.<"! by the Unpopular Act'vit'e?
. .-aials''   commit tee   Mor.d.r.-,   and   vXX.l
i required to explain why (he wal-
l.'. w#s,jioun<l under his gift tree,
?.Iolri witness testifying against Jeers
George Saloon. avivstsd oc-Capital-
; ana1 an editor for TIDE magazine.
:.■ • y.\ ciaii'iu that early in 19tl7. that
vi'-. contrary le the People;;' law?.
'   .Sa'oer.   nay   rent   nn   <:,'.:   fJeer's)
apartment, in return for staying there.
.CAPITALISTS
;  "After  aU,  we're both Capitalist;.,"
Saloon   alleges  Jeers  to have  said.
Jeers    lias    countercharged    Saloon
with  being "somewhat of a liar."
'Never was no Capitalist. Never had
no money n,> time," he singsonged.
t
i   «k#l     *H»- ■
,   -*UMJ?     *'»■ i   4W*r I
>«h*3> i'-o-tf*' '»Ca»iiMi3»' •**«» "8»n
?&+   &&.*   -tiarn    wis, taattn.
i"iu»t *». •«*»   mm -'
Be
A   COMPLETE    PRINTING   SERVICE
cause we pried, newspapers like The Vhysscy does not mean that
CAf
(in not welcome small orders for business
ANNOUNCEMENTS
MS - ETC.
\ A ,
1 ou should! Because Burley is one of the mildest
tobaccos grown . . . with a smooth, mellow fragrance
that tastes especially good in a pipe. Burley packs
easily . . . burns slowly . . . leaves a clean
white ash. And it stays lit I
New pipe smokers enjoy this cool, sweet
tobacco, right from the first pipeful.  Veteran smokers
swear bv it. Try a Pipe of
Picoba
■   The Pick of Pipe Tobaccos
I 5.
tmmtm today, March 25, 1949.
THE PEOPLES UBYSSEY
Page 5
»<Ma»<>«*M>«»ipwi>«
»lk«»ti*»<>4
S WD DESIRE ME...
bound by chains of passion to a man who
despised her was natasha zilch doomed
to seek respite in suicide's grave?
(AT HAS GONE BEFORE: ■*	
beautiful,  innocent,   shapely   Nata-   «'"*'•   Nata*ha>  he   had  seen  passion
\$hh Vlleh, steam-shovel  operator  for  flame  in   her  eyes  when  she  gazed
Fefcpte's Communal Earth-Moving
ICcfmpany    (We'll   Do   Your   Dirty
fork)   has* never  felt   the   stirring*
loflloue within her glorious 180-pound
|b#dy■..... .
Handsome, grey-eyed, tousle-headed
)intitri   Phyffe-Elmsworthy,   production manager of the sajne company,
KtopsKto talk to her one May afternoon
fwhil&'she is coating up "Old Greedy-
*roW\ as she  laughingly  calls  her
tstearti   shovel.    {'How's   production?"
lhe bawls, and she looks up from the
|coaI>tpiie into his level grey eyes . . ••
Then   strange   tumultous,  eniotions
send the blood surging to her cheeks
find she trembles from head to foot.
Dimitri .himself is overwhelmed by
|the Same old feeling that hits him
svery time he is confronted by a wo-
Irian. This time, confronted by one
such epic proportions, he thinks,of
ve on an Olympian scale, and tumultous emotions break his shoe-
luces. He asks Natasha he? name and
■lobbies away, the atee-inspirina
ppauty of her muscular torso stamped
idelibly in his mind. i  j
.That night ... '    ' '  !
While  Natasha  is  sorting   rivets  in
the meajre hovel she shares with her,
trandmother, a  shy,  kindly  old lady
J ' ■      '
mho never married, a knock comes at
ne door.   Natasha has bean  fliinfcinr/i
J
furiously of Dimitri, and she flies in I
ligh  excitement  to  let   in   the  caller.
tut   it   is  only  a  net:,him:,   who   has
loine to borrow an oil-cm.
Natasha returns sadly  lo Iter rivets
mil  another  bicarbonate,   I'or  she  ut-
1  '<■
Ubuten'iher unfavuilar  emotions and
pticfcened   breathkig   to   the  sack   of
tbbages which made  up her  'made-
fiats lunch.
ISuddenly . . .
\A knock is heard ui  the. door, but
drowned in the crash of a  bucket I
rivets   hitting   the   floor   and   the
Lunderaus rumble  of Natasha's fly-
I ■ . j i   '     i '
[g  footsteps.    She  flings   open   the
for to look into the level' g:ey eyes
Dimitri, who also has tons'ed hai'".
beckons to her, and. with pulses
Imrjtering wildjmj, she scites her
lineoat, and steps oijtt inip the night,
fn the meantime ..."
Sascha SluiUehe&ver, a- subordinate
histant rope-weaver jor the People's
Immunal Earth-Mo?|jr»fJ' Company.
Id observed the .chance' meeting of
\mitri and Natasha ai 'the steam-
gel.   Madly and ho)>ulfasly in love
into the tousled eyes of Dimitri.
Maddened ivith jealousy, he swore to
himself that lie would never permit
Natasha to bestow her favors on another. Brooding bitterly the same
'•f.'crnoon, lie hatched a cunning
scheme in the dank depths of his evil
end perverted  mind.
And so '.  .  .
When Dimitri and Natasha departel
into the night, they were not unobserved, for crouchinj in the outhouse shadows was the tormented
Sasclia, who detached himself from
his hiding place and followed the
couple at a discreet distance.
For miles they walked through the
night until , . .
Dimitri sank  with a loio moan  to
the ground and removed his aching
feet. Natasha sat beside him and
looked at him curiously, aided by the
fitful light of coal-oil lantern obligingly /winded to her by the warped
Sascha, who immediately went and
hid in a nearby copse. For a moment
the oyung couple ga,~ed ot each |
other. .Suddenly their basic metabo!- J
ism, blood-pressure, pulse and respire tion loent completely to pieces.
Racked with gales of passion, Natasha
flung herself into the eager arrns of
Dimitri, whose level grey eyes had
suddenly turned red. He pressed his
tousled lips to hers as the twisted
Sascha leaped up and down in a
paroxysm of rage and frustration.
'Ihen, without warning, she screamed,
once, twice, thrice.
Now read on . . .
CHAPT XIV
"No! No! No."
(To Be Continued Next Week)
When electricity fails in the northeastern part of the Indian province
of Rajbur, the ingenious natives use
candles,
flawftiGuj*-
EXPORT
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This smart strap oxford was designed by co-eds to
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styled in oxford calf.
Sizes 5 to 10-AAtoB. $7.45
Campus Shoe Fashions, Main Floor
VANCOUVER'S  FASHION  CENTRE Page 6
THE PEOPLE'S  UBYSSEY
Friday, March 25, 1949.1
THE PEOPLE WORK...
IS THE TIME FOR ALL
GOOD MEN TO COME TO
THE AID OF THEIR PARTY
*v                  '          \
'
4-W          '           <•?,     a-
'<
<k$
-i it
*
I
Parade
Now is the time for
all good men to come
to the aid of the part;
features this edition cf
the People's Ubysse\
Rotogravure Section.
As was said by the
g r e a t leader, "Tho
party is not' c'i v/ori
nor \-3 it aii play. W<
nn..:;'' create a happ*
relation  between  a I
factors."
Next special pictumjP
selection   will   feature
new winners of moth
* ft..*ff. „!&*.
PICTURED HERE is arch-re- FLANKED BY ADMIRERS Yoric Pore, in charge of Digging
actionary Paddy Pinnyfeather, Firgt gods  js geen turning the first piece- 0f turf for the new
at work in People's Correction _ •
tt   i.  -nt     m    rru;         „* home or the Lord High Commissar.  The small, 247-room cot-
Unit No.  1».    Inis  enemy  ot °
the proletariat was head of the tage is being built from contributions received from some of the
country's banking system un- bourbeoisie shortly after they disappeared.
der the old decadent form of
misgovcinment The Collection
Unit is now banking on him to
dig  out  the  foundation  foi   a
new Gymna-aum to honoi oui
"taiious Lead' t
<SfX
^*x
&**•.%&'#
SEVEN BEAUTIFUL YOU}
Awards at a colorful ceremorl
received her Big-Ten Award.
Five Award.   Names appear
prel
PARTY
maturing life undj
L
ernooa medals. i
^te^'^Xi:*'' '•^A,*B'Pi":.l «*%v I&jl>lv>*t3&®> ■.■4trntt,rr'
«•   J
rim
_¥°to
CH
>^,Mi
-»fP
"M^
<*   iidfc* ^
MRS. N. A, McFACTOR. wif
digs  un   first   di'1   on   tho  m"\
B-U    ;iaa,,,sr.       IVhrn,;,.;-!      'fa;
Ci'.'vnr.s ',.,r   i>.    shot1   mine!a;
tare   lv'-   !;;edod   (he   move   ;:
one   ni   the  "tri'ist   pr.'■:;ivssive
aets   p a    l^np'o ■;   (.!■ a e! nmenl.
Mr.--.   McFa.'t"'"   ss   \v:i'e   of   one
of   the   most   iuflne:i!!;i!   boot-
■ eg^oi     in   lhe  (smiiury.    Thou ■
.'■and;;  nf dri> !ss'      " _'...
establishment every dav. ©
r
i '■
♦A
* -*
5
<T    4
<l      s   '
m>*
■s      i)
J*p-        ,  U        wit, '
" w
i'VV'O !*T«
AT THE PEOP1
> tV     A*'*^K        ^1V—' ^'"'^ » i—rataH'y  neriodl
>\   ^?v) known  as Faaav!   Rehuions d'JT. ail
*^ J"'*        ,T   i»      .*  '*       ,     ' laltitiens co..: sea.   The pnm^ry obj«
unit, Le.e basiss ior iti!tux: expennienl
/
rec; uen t  Jus   f*       *^*  * J j  %  - ■* '*"»
®ssaEffiMiss^siia; m
^ - •"••%
'*-**'
PROLETARIAN VIII XIAI ISTS pnpiun   th n on   nun
ior   (|>e   coming   struggle   Id   rid   the   world   of   bourgeois
militarism.   Materials may also be loaned  lo the working
*/   people in other countries to aid them in their class struggle,
p^^%«*^:^s*t^a^s^#:^«i:-*%«*|B<^H!^"^a*
motograpny fych 25, 1949.
THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY
Page 7
pLS received Motherhood
Adeline Brooks (centre)
iers all received the Fair-
ry elsewhere.
^
\fele
V
People's Govt
pERSITY were caught by liio
[their (.'uiii'hos. The course is
Requisite lor all olher family
|HU'.ae is to establish a i'amilv
ktllowwcu
Water Substitue Mooted
In Peoples Council Tiff;
Water Interests Protest
VICTORIA, March 25, 1949 (People's Co-operative Press).—
Heated, highly colored debate shook the People's Provincial
Council today over the question of a water substitute.
Solution   to   the   water   shortage ?-— ■	
caused through the increased use of  head   James _.?oesar_ Petrill°   wou,d
water as a mixer for alcoholic beverages was proposed by Dr. G. M. Vol
boycott the Water Interests
B.C. Cabaret Owners said it would
koff,   well   known   physicist,   in   the j be  impossible  to   permit   the   dying
form of aqua-pure. (of   aqua-pure   with   red   and   green
Aqua-pure, Volkoff said, was highly stripes since this would frighten
efficient and could be produced in drinkers and ruin the Cabaret trade,
economic  quantities. I    A- E' <Dal) Grauer, President of the
Oificials of the People's Metropoli-! B. C. Electric Power Co. (National-
tan Water Board objected to the in-   "^ said he could not use aqua-pure
traduction of the substitute.
'There can be no substitute for the
to run his dynamos since this would
create   a   neurosis   in   the   dynamos
cool, pure, mountain water with which   a»cl stop production completely.
we have been supplying citizens since
the discovery of water by Water Inspector Horatio Filtch-Smythe in the
year 4,004 E'.C," spokesman for the
water interests said,
COLOURED
"If this substitute must be  intro-
UN-MARXIST
Dr. J. Morsh (Under Inspector of
Psychological Phenomena) said Grauer
was taking the bourgeois un-Marxist
Attitude toward Psychology as proposed by Dr. N. S. F. Chant (now in
People's Correction  Unit  (salt mine)
duced citizens must have some means No. 37 at Moose-Groin, Saskatchewan
of distinguishing from the real prod- "There is no evidence," Morsh said
uct. We demand  that  aqua-pure be "That dynamos will react  unfivour
died with red and green stripes," he ably  toward  rod  and  green  stripes.
Short Reviews Of
Current Good
BOOKS:
HOW TO WIN WOMEN AND 3ELATE
SEXES, by Dale Carnegie.
"... sweetish ..." — Time
"... the naked truth . . ."
—Sunbathing
THE    FINE    ART    OF    WINDOW
JUMPING, by E. Kascnkina
"... smashing . . ."
—London Daily Mirror
"... escape literature . . ."
—Saturday  Review  of Literature
THE   MAKING   OF   CANADA, by
F. H. Sage j
"... title misleading ..." I
—F. H. Soward
"... inclusive . . . '
—Journal of International Affairs
WHO   OWNS   UBC,   by   Tim   Buck
" ... me ... " —George Drew
"... like hell . . ."     —Solon Low
THE    FEEDING    OF    PREGNANT
EWES,   by   Dominion   Experimental
"... of interest to women ..."
Farms.
—Hygin
"... lousy , . ."
—Provincial Experimental Farms
„ i THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO MIXING
"CWef Milligan
Addresses WCTU
In an address to thfe Women's
Christian Temtation Union at their
luncheon today, Chief Milligan deplored the "deplorable drop in the
ages of juvenile delinquents."
He cited as an example the case of
the as yet uncaught Baby-Buggy
Bandits.
Said Milligan, "There were so many
cases jamming the juvenile courts that
we have had io lower the maximum
age for juveniles to 10 years."
He also stated that prison authorities
had had to more than double their
wet-nursing staff to handle the rush,
The meeting passed a resolution
saying in part, "... hildren should
not be allowed to become delinquents."
said in a loud scream pitched in the
key of C minor.
Spokesman for. the Associated Marxist  Musicians   of  America   objected : dynamos   may   be   trained   to
at this point to the unmusical utter- ' red and green stripes."
ance of the Water Board speaker. If I    Debate    will    continue   through   a
this is continued, he said, Musician   i night   session   tonight.
'Under the theory of inheritence of
acquired psychological characteristics
it   could   definitely   be   shown   that
enjoy
Fag Filching Babies Pinched
in Daring Buggy Raid
Two "Baby-Buggy Bandits'' staged a daring daylight raid
early thi", morning and escaped with 50,000 cigarettes.
Shortly   before   eight   o'clock,   the . -   -
letters to the
editor
two rather short men walked into a
downtown establishment brandishing
"rcwalawers."
After forcing the staff into a back
room, they grabbed all the cigarettes
they could carry and ran.
The bandits made their getaway in
a   low-slung maroon  baby-buggy.
Miss Deborah Clark, pretty cashiei
in the establishment said, "I couldn't
see their faces—they were both
wearing  three-cornered  masks."
Chief Milligan, stirred by the daing
holdup   promised early action.
'Wo will use our new Block System," stated the chief, "We'll get
those  'Buggy-Bandits.' "
Police dragnet for the Baby Buggy
Bandits is beginning to get results,
says Chief Milligan.
Fifty-thousand cigarette-smoking
babies have already been picked up
for investigation.
They will.face a police line-up tomorrow morning,
One of those arrested said, "Milligan
will soon  find  he i.s all wet."
^
SO THERE
Dear Sir:
Go, and I say this as a student
who, having spent many, or perhaps I should say several, years
at this magnificent institution am I
feel, particularly qualified, as head
and, in many eases, secretary, treasurer, and other subsidiary positions, of various organizations on
our fair campus, to adjudge my
capabilities as a judge in your case
since, from the talk I have heard,
though it has 1 feel, come from
the mouths of those less qualified
than myself, yoi.i are in disgrace
any repule.un lhe campus which,
wilh almosl every organization of
in m humble opinion is, beyond a
shadow of a doubt, derogatory to
you have, by your ovvtt willfullaess
(ho point, where, though Vancouver
and ii'reverant actions taken courses
which, in (ho long run, have given
UBC a bad name, to hell.
Yours truly,
Hours   James
LASH
LIQUOR, by Gordon S. Wismer
"... mixed up . .  ."
—B'.   C.   Cabaret   Owners   Assn.
"... misleading . . ." —WCTU
"... hypocritical ..."
—The Peoples' Ubyssey
THE NATURE OF ASTROrllYSICAL
PHENOMENA,  by G. M.  Vnlkoff.
"... not in accordances with evidence ..."     —Astrological Monthly
"... ruinous . . ."
—Weekly   Horoscope
"... ah, sweet mystery of life . , ."
—London Daily Sketch
THE  ULTIMATE  GOOD,  by  Hornet
Savery.
"... wonderful . . .".
—True   Confessions
"... useful to teachers . . . '
—Kindergarten Review
"... startling ..."
—True  Love   Crime   Cases
THE   FRENCH  IRREGULAR  VERB,
by D. O. Evans.
"... light reading ..."
—Saturday   Review  of  Literature
"... revealing .  .  ."        —Hygia
THE   TRUTH   ABOUT   MARGINAL
PRODUCTION, by Joseph A. Crumb
"... confusing . . ," —Jack and Jill
"... not for summer reading . . ,"
—Holiday
"... new facts about margins . . ."
—Weekly  Draftsman
"THE GREETING'S GUIDE TO PSYCHOLOGY  OF   ADJUSTMENT/'   by
J. Morsh.
"... not readily adjustable .'. . "
—Saturday  Review
"... Poshlot Von . . ."        -Trud
"...  Cretin's  may  enjoy   it   .   .   .'
—Journal of Mongolian Idioev
GUIDE TO GOVERNMENT FINANti'.
by Miss A, Propriaiion.
' . . . real tricky , . .'
--Robert   Harwood
"... nothing new , . ." "51 percent"
Plant.
INSIDE UBVSSF.Y by John GmUher
"another oi Ckmlhcis insides is out."
—-Physical   Culture
"... lacks guts." — Ubyssey
A MILLION THINGS FOR YOU TO
MAKE
"...  incomplete."     —New Yorker
The Uaby-Buiv-oy Bandits were
picked up just before press time
today.
Pchce were tipped off by an alert
Elsie NhuHz, who spotted them shop-
l:fiiilg new disguises from the nap-
Kin counter in the Li-cent store
vrhcip she works.
/•■"o,"'7"
%.■■>)ii:J    l!ii*'« i.-'sUS
i';") h^r^a Capil-alisf
CC[.' Club On the campus will be
asked to proiest. the purtjo of Capitalist professors from tho University of
Briiisb Columbia.
"We're   certainly    interested,"   com-
■ Dli. li. O. SEDGEWICK, who |
bas traded in his old Ford i'or a j
iew Sam Carr, I
Five   burly   members   of   the   riot ( mented   CCF   President   Joe   Boxcar,
squad   finally   subdued   (lie   bandit's t "but   we   have   so   much   to   proles!
and fottk (hem away  iu handcuffs, , this season we're nol sure we can fit
It is believed that the Baby-Bus- '!■  '»■'
gy   Bandits had been  eating doped
candy.
Said one  of thc bandits,  "Goo."
The request for CCF protest came
from tlie University Box Lunch Club
and the Civil Liberties Union. '
fiAftJt
>,v •
s    .tf
Sfl^B "■    'J*$&v*
WHpk*j$f"'j
fm
___yM'\''\ v ' '
•«4ta»
#£fl
Wi
:* h
*              4M^^k.
X* *• .
It
p*
For a copy of this
beautiful photograph
completely free of. advertising, send 10c in
coins or stamps to The
People's Ubyssey Re*
print Department in
Buck Hall.	
Specializing in
PItlNTINi
'■-■i
r"
FOH
ci*'3 cities
Soro-iirSos
T^ T \«" '$**% v »:»" '2'^
i(\ ?""i fhr ;a  '. ■,
r.V-TC^V:j;Y  AN:)
VsVorimG co.
5Cfi Seymour St.
Optometrist
GORDOxN TELFORD, M.A.
410 Birks Bldg,       TA. 2913
Eye Examination     Visual Training Page 8
THE PEOPLE'S  UBYSSEY
Friday, March 25, 1949.
t
SocialAtotel
HELENA   CHAMBER-POTTS
Co-operative Women's Editor
Mrs. Rostov-Enderby, The Alms, Keeper Street, was hostess yesterday afternoon to a select group of socialites, whom
she invited to a buffet tea.
Long famed for the  excellence  of *
her cuisine, Mrs. Rostov?Endeirb,y
excels in the subtleties ^of exotic
cooking and tasteful table-decoration.
Yesterday afternoon guests were
thrilled at the abundance of garlic
sausage and boiled cabbage that was
laid out on planks betwen the beautifully     functional     saw-horses.     A
Islands in search of Canaries, and the
Virgin Islands in search of cocoa-
butter.
A small, select circle of art-lovers
were last night treated to an excellent
terpsichorean    display,    when   Mary
,,      , , , "Hips" McLoose tastefully renedered
punchbowl,    contatmng    a    cunn.ng  ^  interpretation  of the ..Dance o{
blend of beer, water, and gin adorned
the   artfully-improvised  table.
At the conclusion of the repast,
guests were served paper-napkins,
tooth-pidks, and were encouraged to
wash themselves in a handsome galvanized   bucket   provided   for   that
the Seven Veils" for the group. The
program was rounded out by other
equally interesting dances and calisthenics, also performed by this experienced artiste.
At the conclusion of the presentation,  cocktails were  served  and  the
purpose. ,
The afternoon's little fete concluded  mixed   group   c°"tinued   t0   discuss
with  ft  small  sing-song,   and  while  and  exPloit a11 the aesthetic implications   of   Miss   McLoose's   artistic
Mrs. Rostov-Enderby played an appropriate accompaniment on her harmonica, guests sang favorite old melodies such as "Just a Little Foam for
the Old Soaks' and "The One-Eyed
Reilly.'
* * *
expression.
The   party   ended  rather  abruptly
owing to an oversight on the part of
one of the guests, who left the blinds
up, but the group will meet again ln
\ a year, and hope to present at that
Comrade F. Stnnwyk-Hewwn, noted Itime an  even  more  interesting  pro-
eiplorer and scientist, and pillar of  8ratI1,
lojcal  society,   left  Thursday   on  the
S. S._ "Malaria' on one of his periodic
voyages of exploration and discovery.'
His plans included visiting the Gold
Coast in search of gold, the Canary
The Fijians consider it unlucky to
be decapitated.
Fifty-percent of all people married
in Canada in 1948 were women.
Harradine College
Specializing in
Pitman Shorthand and Speedwriting
Typing and Bookkeeping
SPEEDWRITING successfully mastered in 8-10 weeks
Individual Tuition Day and Night Classes
OPEN  ALL THE YEAR
All Graduates Placed — Good Jobs Waiting
5665 Granvilel at 41st Ave. KErr. 1944
Hearts
Column
•*)*•   Man with horse wishes to meet
woman with donkey. Object,
mule. Box 4657 The People's Ubyssey.       *
JL Man, interested in internal combustion engines and stevedoring
wishes to" meet woman with similar interests.
■X.   Man with 27 children wishes to
meet woman to 30 or more children. Object to break Mr. Abbot's
budget. Phone AL. 3754R.
ifann (CCF) wishes to meet woman
(Tory). Object coalition. Apply
791 Cordova Street East.
Young lady (43) with gin wishes
to meet boy'(20) with vermouth.
Object Martini's. Box 9087, The
People's Ubyssey.
Attractive widow  with six ex*  ... , ,_,      ,     ..        , ,. 4  ,    _  , ,.      .   _T .
husbands wishes to meet man, j lj>b blows UP-   (See famlly relations cut in Roto section.)   Not
defenceless. Object: lucky seven,  shown in picture is nude woman.
NUDE WOMAN chases men down mall after Family Relations
How fo get your man
the EASY way
±*   Buy him one of Arrow's famous shirts.
(Neatest way to collar a man.)
__\.   Add one of Arrow's neat-knotting ties.
(Brand new patterns for college men)
When he sees his face above his Arrow tie
framed by his Arrow collar, he'll purr like a
kit len . . . and you'll have him!
P.S. You might gel him a box of Arrow
handkerchiefs while you're at il.
Look for the Registered Trade Mark ARROW
ARROW SHIRTS
TIES • HANDKERCHIEFS
—£~    tike a jack-ranbtt... you turn on
a dime... you stop in a step. And your feet
stay cool and comfortable!
Just look at the "Champion", shown here.
Shock proof arch cushion and insole, plus cushion heel, keep
feet from tiring. Non-skid crepe outsole makes fast,
sure footwork a cinch. Felt lined tongue protects
instep. High cut and oxford styles in men's sizes.
Oxfords in women's sizes. These plus a raft of other
features add up to make the Fleet Foot "Champion"
the finest sports shoe you can wear. ''.
Be sure you get the genuine Fleet Foot. Ask
for them hy name at shoe stores and shoe
departmen ts everywhere I
• SPECIAL PULL-PROOF EYELETS
• BREATHABLE UPPERS
• SCIENTIFIC LAST
• SLANT-CUT TOPS
DOMINION RUBBER' ActrllANY LIMITEB i Friday, March 25, 1949.
J, i      ■        i
THE  PEOPLE'S  UBYSSEY
Page 9
The BAY Protects Your Pocketbook
li.a;
EVERY ARTICLE IN OUR STORE IS
SOLD AT AS LOW A PRICE AS
ANYWHERE ELSE IN VANCOUVER
OUR BUREAU OF EXPERIENCED SHOPPERS makes o
complete daily check of prices everywhere in Vancouver.
We make certain our prices are competitive.
I. ';    j
I ii1
,n.! i
mR WORLD-WIDE BUYING FACILITIES and trained
buyers with years 'of.experience shop the world markets
to bring'you the goods you want et the lowest possible
prices.'
Can Always
him* Confidence At The
Bttfrntty Pag (tompattti.
INCORPORATED   2?* MAY 1670.
imni ii'iiiw"nii miKinuMmnniLi fage 10
THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY
Friday, March 25, 1949J
'Farm Team' Planned For
Grid Spring Training
Sport teams of the People's University will be able to come
out of their well-worn rut and into the groove in the future
if the new system of farm teams is successful this summer.
Like all big league clubs, PU has *> __	
decided to adopt a summer farming
session where hopefuls are allowed
to show their stuff in trying out for
a berth on one of the clubs.
Anyone interested in turning out
for the farm training are asked to
contact Dean Clements of the Agriculture Department.
All practises will take place over
on the Aggie fields where the farm
club members will be shown the
tricks of the trades,
Practises for the 'Bird Footballers
will begin with strenuous workouts
which include a back-strengthening
exercise where the aspirants push a
heavy carriage up and down the field.
The corect name for the exercise is
"ploughing."
Combination is the key to the success of any football squad and the
farm footballers will be well taught
in this department. Six sparkling red
International Harvester Combines
have been leased 'for the season to
aid in the development of the players
as well (we suspect> in the development of the Agriculture Department.
Passing practise for the Johnny
Lujack's of PU will be held as long
as the watermelon season lasts, says
Dean Clements. "Those ten pound
melons will develop tho throwing
anil of anyone, but- we had better
supply the Ends with a basket in practise  sessions."
Dean Clemments has numerous
other schemes up his sleeve to whip
the boys in shape. He said that the
Aggie Dept. will help out just as long
as the fields need attention.
"I'm proud of our football team,"
he said. "There's nothing I wouldn't
clo for our football team. I'll help
out our football team in any way
I can. Just bring over the boys of
our football team and I'll see that
they get the proper amount of exercise. There's nothing too good for
our   football  team."
Dean Clemments assured reporters
that he was only promoting this
scheme to "help out our football
team," ;,nd that just because he was
Dean of Agriculture, and the footballers wore doing all thc work on
his fields, it should not bo suspected
lhat tho type of exercise were in any
way induced by selfish motives.
"I hope that i.s not the impression
received by the students," he said
with   innocent  eyes.
"I just  wanta help out our football i
team." I
The
Red
Sheet
'THE PEOPLES CHOICE"
Scotch Lad . . . good prospect, made
strong bid last time out,
Lady Hooper
beginning   to
, . . inexperienced, just
feel   her   oats.
WELL KNOWN SPORTSMEN
GIVEN VIRILITY AWARl
Athletes Get 'Highest Honor"
For Desirable Qualities
Three well-known athletes were among those who received
'ho 'Virility Award" last Tuesday at the general meeting of the
ISU'.dents' Co-operative Society.
They were Dave Comparelli, past
president of the MACS, grid and
rugby star Doug Reid and cheer
leader Dick  Penn.
The Virility Award is presented
each year this time to students who
have indicated clearly that they possess those qualities most desirable in
men.
Those receiving the award are well
known on the campus for their activities in this field and were loudly
applauded when the awards were
presented.
i>-
Sir Sheep . . . handicapped, carrying
too much weight this trip.
Dame Beauty . . . may surprise, tends
to open up in the stretch.
Dee Vec Ay ... a hard worker, broke
his first  time out.
Donna G . . . showing her form in
true fashion,
Pappy Pep , . . lots of fight, leaves
plenty of room for youngsters.
Flower Daddy . . . improving quickly, may end up in the flowers yet.
First' Man . . . plenty of leadership
Quality, should fair well in the field.
Money Bag's . . . good performer,
usually finishes outside the money,
Second Storey ... a fine prospect,
cuts  in quickly.
Queen   Totem  .  ,   .   an   enthusiastic        _ .  „ .^ .^.,.,..
worker, lays  well  back in the field'   ^^TuMBELLS   to   BARBELLS
but provides 'strong finish. is the fate of well-known PU pro-
Queen Homer . . . slow starter, saves' professor Dr G Gi Sedgewick. Retired
everything for bigger gates, | from active teaching this year, Dr. S.
has announced that he intends to take
up   weight   lifting   and   has   already
Ole is Bakken. j hoisted a few.
CLUB NOTICE
All members of the fencing club
are asked to meet in Hut G14 at noon,
please bring face masks, silver foils,
sharpened javelins and bud spiers.
TRAVEL NOTES
"£W
*r<??*v)?,*v™™)mWtF+rF> WqjSfljW'N ^ frtsy~'
3tJi ^rfci*W«»Wu
r
*$&$£
Private   Tuition
Latin, French, Greek
Cedar 5934
DAVE COMPARELLI
very vll
The Peoples
SPORT
.£'£»*> -;■■     ■"'   --:.   :■.•■ = •    - ^1
J0^
"termehds •, -
TODAY '   ^
000 "Guess I must hm\
bad it all the time"
Too bad Egbert didn't think of lookitl
in his pocket sooner . . . he's sure to mf
that home-town special now.
But it's a cinch Egbert will be on tl
old gravy train this summer. He kno^j
he's on the right track to fewer monj
worries next winter if he puts his sumni
savings in a B of M savings account. The
are more than 500 branches of the Bofl
from coast to coast — any one of whil
you will find useful for saving, cashil
cheques or sending money home.
Have fun till the fall, then, gang,' al
remember: your holidays will mean mtl
when you know that money in
BANK" this summer means dough
"YOUR POCKET" next winter.
Bank of MontreaI
WORKING     WITH     CANADIANS
INEVERY     WALK     OF     LIFE     SINCE     18 11
U3-I6
.VjfSfflwtfc*^
!#**
a**"
«s riday, March 25, 1949,
THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY
Page 11
No
op/es Ruggermen
repre-^-
ltry to
^ople's
/n to
►ancb
bs, the
?s, in a
by  the
h    of    the
scrum, Scor
of the people with
|de against the team
i "Golden"   was  as
fts, the 'Mugs drove
the first halt as
\k liquidated three
a glorious effort
raditional red, the pipe
martial aires while th?
'supporters raised their voices
Jommendation   during   the   half-
Id breather.
thriy capitalistic plot resulted in
ie  Bears   only   points  early   in   the
leoond half,
j'.isy aecidentlv droo
ped a kick over the bar from thirty-
live yards out.
Liquidation proceeded qpacc, as
Lousy's banner was torn from his
>Jack   and   trampled   into   tho   turf.
[Comrade Russ Laih.mi tlribbotl tin:
Ingth of ihe field af'or besre.; sot
Ip ny Cumraiie Dunbar, Comrade
fotherspuon kicked the convert to
it the 'Mugs <uit in front 8-3.
)ULLY HUKT
BuAter Wotherspoon scored a try but
| proved a suicide attack" as he was
Ally   butchered.   Latham  attempted
convert,    but    the   bureaucratic
-posts refused  to accept the ball
it  bounced  onto  the field.   (The
pending  posts   were  chopped  clown
replaced  after the  game).
It-tempting   to   get   back   into   tho
|ne, the Bears were granted a pen-
kick, an unprecedented happen-
for which  the referee  was  duly
Inced.
[However, the people's goalposts, related in kind and the ball fell
I the side, *
EP CUP
[he game wa.s well-played through-
fey the people, but the jjouthern-
lesorted to foul-play at all times,
ftmf  bias,  this writer may safely
that   a   machine   gun   may   be
pessary to curb the homicidal lencl-
kcies of tlie outclassed opposition in
Sorrow's  game   which   will   decide
will  keep  the  cup  fur  another
R EADY
TO   GO!
With your Dueck U-Drive
out front you're always
ready to go—anywhere, anytime. On that next, date,
forget about disomfort and
street corner waiting. Every
Dueck U-Drivc is new, safe,
immaculate and low in cost
—low as the lowest. But,
man — what a difference!
SPORTS
use this
pure, clear
hair dressing —
and save money
\:;-i
wh
uf
be!
ate
Wl'Ort.'VUL LNDI.roSlaD with
le case ef indiyestip.'ii i.s well '
■v.n PL' basketballer Reid 'Mitchell;
p) wa.s stricgen soon after tiio close I
the hoop season. The ailment is j
ieved  to  be due  to something lie
• Juit a f«w drops of "Vaseline"
Hair Tonic before brushing or
combing conditions the scalp,
gives natural life and looks to
your hair, keeps those unruly
'cowlicks' in place without smearing. Hair is easy to groom ... and
stays groomed all day with this
economical hair tonic. A bottle
lasts a long, long time.
* Symptoms: Itchy/ccl/'iin; dry, brittle
l.uiir; loom h.iirs on comb or brush,
t'nhas checked may cmsc b.ildiiess,
FIRST AT MANITOBA
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From  $10.00
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AND
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jnpleto  with   Sheets  and  Index
From S2.69
FOUNTAIN   PENS
FOAMT&1AD  "BROWN  AND  GOLD" CASUALS
Voted No. 1 on that- Grecf Campus
FOAMTREAD   "BLUE   AND   GOLD"   CASUALS
Available m British Columbia
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JJPMS
B. C. REPRESENTATIVE
MR. J, G. STEINKOPF - MArine 3024
'f i 2% 3 WOT
*fc!^^w*w'S!w#n>? Page 12
THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY
1  "' "'   -i'.'    " ""I '(*'"' ■'■ Xi Jrv*
. Ability And
From PU Sp
rJ
Sweeping Changes By MCAS Head
Revolutionize Sports Set-Up
"There's going to be some changes made."
That was the curt statement made recently in an order
of the day by Commissar Hilary Wotherspoon, new president
of the Men's Cooperative Athletic Society.
"From now on,"  declared Wother-*^ _____	
spoon, "there will be no competition V^f ifglSOIl
and no discrimination for ability or
sex in athletics at the People's Uni-.
versity, Such Decadent ideas are contrary to the ideals of the People's
Party and will be clone away with I
immediately,"
WHERE OH WHERE
Wotherspoon recently took over control of the MCAS after former president Bud Spiers, who allowed such
things under his regime, disappeared
suddenly. He is believed to be wintering (and Summering) in Siberia.
Full implications of the new policy
cannot be judged completely yet,
but it is certain there will be plenty
of new innovations.
Abolishment of competition in university sports is being brought into
effect because officials feel that competition of any sort is directly opposed
to the Party's ideal of cooperation,
cooperation and more cooperation.
From   now   on   all   sports   will   be
played   only   for   the   exercise   and
feeling  of  brotherly   love  that  they
engender.  The mere  thought of  attempting to score points will be con-,
sidcred   treasonable   and   dealt   with
accordingly.
ONE APIECE
At the beginning of each game six
points    (corresponding    to    the    six
leaders   of   the   revolution)   will   be
given to each side. From then on the
athletes  will  be encouraged to play
hard but only  in a cooperative sort
of way.
They will be encouraged to pass the
ball not only among members of their
own team but also  to  those  of the
other side and all athletes will be
expected to stand out of the way
when one participant feels like making a spectacular run.
When teams from" the People's University are competing against squads
from the other side of the Cromium
Curtain who have not yet accepted
the more enlightened idea of not
scoring, "effective measures" will be
taken to* see that none of thei»'
players tally.
Now that there is no more distinction among athletes as to ability there
will be no such teams as the Thunder-
mUgs," the Chiefs and the Braves.
FAIREST'WAG
Under the new system when a coach
wants a first string team he will not
choose them according to their playing qualities. All those interested in   served for the male sex will now be
making   the  team  will  submit  their . open to all women who are interested
//
Drop Dead"
C J CO!
A frog sometimes gets a man in
its  throat.
Human babies subsequently become
children.
The Maltese never call a herring a
gukko.
SPO
Color Board
Proposes Red,
Pink And Mauve
. i
"Will UBC's athletic teams1
turn Red?"
Topic of discussion at current
meetings of the Men's Co-operative Athletic Society is the
possibility of university athletes changing their colors.
Comrade Bud Spiers, chairman of
the Color Board, announced today
that this university may revise its
age old color-scheme. Plans to change
PU's present colors to red follows
a proposal by campus People's Party
officials.
Directors of the MCAS have been
constantly discussing plans to submit
a change to the student body before
the close of the present term. Proposal reached the hands of Spier
almost immediately following visit of
People's Party Leader George Grew-
Tall to the People's University.
Idea to change Varsity colors was I
unwittingly come upon when chairman of the introductory committee
for Mr. Grew-Tall remarked, "This
is truly a red letter day for ottr
fair University."
Since that day, members of the
People's Party on the campus have
been in, close contact with Spiers,
discussing future trends on the campus.
Proposed color-scheme is red, with
pink  and  mauve  stripes.
<»i,*;#fs
&."$$&
READY AND RARIN' to go is this pert PU co-ed, who has indicated her approval of the car
athletic set-up which allows women to particip ate in sports on an equal footing with men.
names which will later be drawn out
of a hat. The coach will draw out
the number of names he needs to
make up his team.
This move is being made to do
away with discrimination among athletes on such an arbitrary basis as
ability  or  athletic  prowess.
Tho final point -in the three way
plan will see female athletes participating in all sports on an equal footing with men,
Such games as football, hockey and
boxing,   once   considered   to   be   re-
UIIIVERSITV BOOK STORE
Hrs.: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Saturdays 9 a.m. to noon
LOOSE LEAF NOTE BOOKS, EXERCISE BOOKS
AND SCRIBBLERS
GRAPHIC ENGINEERING PAPEOL BIOLOGY PAPER
LOOSE LEAF REFILLS  .FOUNTAIN PENS AND INK
AND DRAWING INSTRUMENTS
OWNED AND OPERATED BY THE UNIVERSITY OF B.C.
AND HIS BOP
FOR THE PEOPLE
ff   HELPED STREANVLINC
H8E-BOP'S0TMATM0W
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE
ARE ENJOY ING IT-
INSTGAD OF TRYING
TO -EXPLAIN IT.
THE ORIGINAL VENTURA 'BOP'
TREATMENT IS GIVEN TO'LULLABY
INRYT-HM"ANDWBIRDLAND" IN
WIS DEBUT FOI? T?CA VICTOR - IT'S
A'MUST' FOR ALL xBE-BOP'FANS.
BORN .RAISED,
AND MUSICALLY
EDUCATED IN
PHILADELPHIA,
CHARLIE FORMED
HIS FIRST BAND
THEREAT THE AGE
OF 70 * TODAY HE'S
ONE OF THE WORLD'S GREATEST
TENOR SAX MEN AMP -HIS NEW
SMALL BAND PLAYING HIS
UNDERSTANDABLE FORM OF
'80P' IS BREAKING ATTENDANCE
RECORDS EVERYWHERE-HAS WON
METRONOME,LAMPLIGHTER AND
DOWN BEAT AWARDS AND AN
RCA VICTOR CONTRACT.
y*NffVLyT^'>^
* LULLABY IN RHYTHM
BIRDLAND Charlie Ventura at
his Boji lor the People • 20-33j
* CRUISING DOWN THE RIVER
ALLAH'S HOLIDAY (Friml)
The Three Suns ■ 20-3S|
* SO IN LOVE (Porter)
WERE THINE THAT SPECIAL FACE (Pot
(both from the Mus. Prod. "Kiss Me Kail
Alfred Drake - 20-afl
* FOREVER AND EVER (And Chorus)
I DON'T SEE ME IN YOUR EYES ANVMJ
Perry Como ■ 20-1
* SUNFLOWER
LITTLE JACK FROST GET LOST
Ray McKitiley and his Orebtslra . 20-5
TH£ STA& *"° ^^ 7V£ HlTS m W
OCA S/iObR 36GORR

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