Vol 31 VANCOUVER, B. C, FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 1949. No. 83 e}s TheD x m „ A W l i» p DIRT EXPO ey AS f$. i r. fci".+ n Today's Highlights SEE STORY PAGE 2 Provincial Council Hears Colored Debate On New Sensational Water Substitute SEE STORY PAGl 7 Sanitation Attache Plunges To Earth In Bravely Daring Desperate Dash For Freedom SEE STORY PAGE 4 GWENEVERE BATES-KEN- YON, mother of 17; has been acclaimed winner of the People's Republic Gold Star for Mothers. Mr. Bates-Kenyon, a small unassuming little man describes himself an "oyster- hoister". He is employed by the Sloshwell Oyster Co-operative Ltd. and is himself a three-time winner of the Gardening for Glory Medal. Black History Of Progressive Conservative Party Bared In Daring Peopled Expose SEE STORY PAGE 2 Page 2 THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY Friday, March 25, 1949. v High Treason Charge Launched By PCRACDG Against Money Mad AMS Treasurer Plant; Last-Minute Escape Bids Pays Off When Finance Wizard Flees On Concealed Came! OTTAWA, Ont., March 25. — In its first prosecution since assuming power, the People's Co-Operative Republican Associated Combined Dominion Government *oday ordered the Solicitor-Genera! to launch prosecution for gross Ji'gh treason against University of British Columbia treasurer Paul Plant. Plant is charged with: 1. Rape of the people. He made a profit of $11,000. 2, Perpetrating double-entry bookmaking. S, Gross High Slander against the Voice of the People, The People's Ubyssey. 4, Currency violations and illegal dealings in foreign currency. Si Dropping a candy bar wrapper on the sidewalk. Plant, last sec-n hurriedly stuffing papers i'n his brief-case, made a last-minute road escape-bid using broken field running .lirough a playing field where capitalist fraternity members had held a bonfire party. The panting, humed man completed People's Co-operative Protective Fed- Peoples Ubyssey Exposes Ism In Pro. Conservatives BY PEOPLES UBYSSEY STAFF REPORTER What is Pn.ijrcisX'c-Consc-vc.tism'.' In the face of heated discussion over the gron-th and possible menace of (/iii unde mound ism Thc People's Ubyssey as a public duty presents the known and admitted /nets about leadinj Progressive-Conservatives in our prormie and their aims. \ Citizens ;f this rrovme should knew that the Prcgress.ve-Conservaiive^ aiovc.men' is no fly-by-night organization but a closely knit, well organized .r.rt built up t'lreuph yeari cf rigcrous party discipline, PYRAMIDS STARTED CAMEL RIDING Paul Plant, disguised as an itinerant hashish-vendor, has disappeared into a mountain fastness. Chief Public Frrscculoi' called Pkmi "a i sagacious scurvy s::um" after lav :'!.', Cii,'.u\'4as >n rapt1 o' the j-ai.-:;,: purse a^aaiat hiir toda.y. ".Tjic'.m doesn't own jjkiy crickeL" he added. 0| !srs Voted Best Organization The People's Ubyssey was overwhelmingly voted the best-liked organization on the campus this week, in a preferential balloting. The People's Ubyssey swept the polls in every class on the preferential ticketing that included, besides the People's Ubyssey, the People's Ubyssey arret the People's Ubyssey. Thus, the People's Ubyssey stands head and shoulders above 'all other organization in the favor, devotion, esteem and regard of the student at large, (especially the little fellow). FAVORITE Out of the 8,000 votes cast, the People's Uby.ssey won 7,999 votes over its nearest competitor in every category through the ballot. There was one spoiled ballot, resulting from one student voting a straight Paul Plant ticket throughout the tally. It is suspected the miscreant i.s Paul Plant. But there is no concrete evidence, since contrary to usual Peoples' Government practises, the balloting was done in sec-eh When quizzed, Plant feigned honest pleasure, Said Plani: "I'm speechless. They're (People's Ubyssey I sensational! Tn th" c. ii.al reader of the Ubyssey, it might appear they are lacking in objectivity, in integrity,, accuracy-hut I swear by my surplus it ain't so." JOUUMAMSM ''Take thc stories about me I'or instance Another example of striking journalism. "And there's nothing rigid about their thinking. Why, I don't .suppose you could find another paper on the continent with such an elastic editorial policy. "I was talking with Brousson the other day about the Newspaper. He desperate clash for freedom and eluded captors by disguising himself as a Russian Count of the Peter the Great era in a black, flowing robe ieft over from a meeting in the armory earlier this week. The wild-eyed escapee ran a mile ts> a Camel concealed in a hidden entry and t u ■':. n ia ta.s . aid, to a mountain fast:'1 :. Police, ho.vevi r, -aid they had i;o faiihtios for pursuing Camel trains. The charges lacing Plant arose out of his administration of Alma Mater Society funds. 1. Despite warnings from the A YAHKm mCKBL 4. Did on or about the same day commit a criminal act as defined in the Control of Foreign Currancy Act in that he did deposit a five cent piece minted by the Govenment of the United States of America in machine known as a slot machine which said machine is strictly con- era 1 Republican Associated Combined Dominion did so misuse ar.d mishandle the people's money that he showed a capitalistic profit on his bs.oks. 2. Did enter on his books in two a: sas ,aii entry despite further warn- '.; u- from tb.e People's department of '■ - ■'■'. !;■ ■•; ne that this pr.utile ve ils origins may be n-.ced back well over four thousand years to tb.e time of Pharcah Tunl.tnkhismen III (alia Tintankhamen) who crushed tie warly Egyptian people's movement in his slave labcr pyramid building pvojei'ts. Catacombes desgned to hold part archives have revealed the truth . baut the origins ef ihe movement. S:r Henry Smythe-Churchill. representative cf Oxford (a little known '.;.;'. veil esftiblishe 1 Iranian; school for Tories) was dispatched under secret ■veers in 1307 to excavate thc ruins with instructions to hide the facts from svley. Ostcns'h'.e :o:s it f.iven fcr the inn, of course, was to conduct ■'alii! at ekcalogie: ! rsseareh. His real nurpese was revealed by Aeademecian Joseph Pchcski . leader cf the military wingl and well known expert en pea-shooters in c'nr.rge cf the sewage disposal] wrecking unit. POLLUTION VERY PROMiNENT 'these men are located strategically throughout industry with orders to| .rente profits. Indicative ef the low cunning of uie Party is the planting of Tim Buckl takes Svvin!)irnh'.:u?h) in the Pimple's Party with orders to carry on in such| an insai'.e manner is to wreak the entire people's movement. n I N People s Ubvss i said something about ''licence" 1 said 'you're right. Dave; those lows disei ve a licence.' fc-1- ' The People's Ubyssey will publish minus 2 Issues per week beginning hi September. The m«ve was mule on advice of People's Commissar of Internals Paul Plant. Since the paper could be made twice as good by issuing only twice a week and and four Hint's as good by issuing on re a week, editors agreed to make the paper eight times as good. A Cuban has recently invented water-proof spinach for divers to eat. comparisons -V* In a colony of skunks ire odorous. ItilLL I'OKN J»M LWrni uneiges from lh; Run !L;ia,shi!'t, of the Ubyssoy editorship and lii 1'iorv Pit to tvli mlei'no ol tlu C W P..I do vi i'i.ve, lis] i oredecessoa *N_ EATO 9 Campus Favorites of Year 'ON QP COLUMBIA ^^Ur.tJTcD CANADA a. » a a? to en «D CP H 8 CO CO CO a 13 a> in bed in Peoples' General Hospital, by the simple process of serving injunctions on aU persons who wish to communicate with him, including spies. Mr. McFetlock was unavailable for comment. His condition is described as "goot!" SHATTERED BODY Meanwhile, as the shattered body of the leap victim writhes iri agony in the hard hospital cot, Peoples' Government intelligence agents are working desperately to discover some connection between the spectacular leap from the embassy and the espionage trials here. Intelligence chief Walter Mulligan expressed belief that McFetlock can produce evidence that will crack open the case, and (hat his near-suicidal' plunge was a bid for freedom from the embassy, where he was held against his will. "I ihink McFetlock can produce ii '- portiint evidence that will smash open the spy trials," Mulligan declared. "I think his leap was a bid for freedom," WITNESS MbFetlock will be quizzed as a material witness as soon as he i.i able. Meanwhile, police are pondering the latest evidence unear'thed in the spy prabe, in connection with the freedom leap. Yesterday, fifty thousand words of closely-written documents were d'r,- overed in a Walnut shell, cleverly concealed in the orchard of the Peoples' University. Mulligan stated that McFetlock's wife had, under questioning, admitted McFetlock was fond of walnuts McFetlock "would do anything for a walnut," she had confessed. WALNUT CRACKED The walnut had been cracked open. scooped out and cleverly giua.l together to simulffte a rea; wr.lnui. It wa.s discovered nestling on tho roots of a weeping willow—obviously no place for a walnut—that had | death been donated lo the University by Marmadtike Jeers, now sub-under- ! secretary (jg> in the Department c>( Defense, and member of tho clnsj OTTAWA, March 25, 1949 (People's United Press) .—The People's Commission on Salt Mines tabled its report before the Council of Commissars this morning. In a startling expose which left1^" the council in an uproar the com- what to do about the situation. "We ' cannot send the salt commissar to mission revealed that not a single the salt mines because our report grain of salt had been realized by' shows that this form of correction the Peoples' National Salt Mines Cor-'is inefficient." poration in the past seven decades. "We have been sending people to the salt mines for seventy-five years," Chief Investigator Hiram Peabody- Jones decarded, "and so far not one iota of salt has reached tlie people's tables." The Commissar of Salt Mines rose from his seat on the council table at this point looking extremely pale and called the Chief Investigator "a libelous, licenetious, worthless, no- good, bone-headed, reactionary, bourgeois liar." He explained that inmates of the 'It is the opinion of the People's' People's Correction Units (salt mines) Commission that the Commissar of were (ed on saitl,ork'and water. Salt Mines has been milking (orj "By the time their pork is salted should I say salting?) the people and there is no salt w, ovel% ^y^ but selling the salt on the black markat a fatheaded, boifygeoia, reactionary, Tractor Employees Take The Plunge Of fascinating interest to the employees of No. 4 People's Co-operative Tractor Works was the marriage last night of Nayda Borscht and Fedor Minck. Nayda is the youngest daughter of Comrade and Mrs. Borscht, and Fedor is eldest of the eleven sons of Comrade and Mrs, Minck. Both families reside at the Z-4 Hutments, in rooms 5 and 7 respectively. The bride looked utterly ravished in long white gown of white cotton, tastefully gathered in front with deep tucks from neckline to hem. The gown, made some months ago, was given the fuller effect only recently when the tucks were recommended by observant friends. However, it looked charming when the "I did's" were exchanged last night. The groom, however, did full just- I ice to the oysters which formed the piece de resistance of the wedding banquet. On Thursday afternoon Miss Agatha Arbuthnot, of 2822 Finders Drive, brought her two- months old niece into the Broek Hall, at the invitation of the Alumni Association. FOR SALE ^ Complete Set of Flingerland Radio King Ddums, 1 Year old (Good as New) TAtlow 1001 ROUND UP 12:15 Daily CKN WJ at a fabulous profit," he said. AT A LOSS He admitted, however, that the uneducated Investigator could see that it would be uneconomic to produce more than we need for commission was at a loss to know salting our pork," he said. We Have Cap, Gown and Hood Studtol (Opp. Safeway at Sasatmat) For Your GRADUATION PORTRAITS Before Exams Begin Wh Discount on Graduation* Portraits 4538 West 10th AL. 2404 k ft® 1 Vv i „ s«»oke FLUNCE SCf.NE where Sanitation attache plunged to hi:; i...-.fl, Arrow indicates; .spot where battered body was recovered. of *'}'"', Debonair, smooth-talking Jeers has been in rn.-i'tody on c conspl.'Mey lahiti'He siiK'r last week. He wil! be nili.•;.■.<"! by the Unpopular Act'vit'e? . .-aials'' commit tee Mor.d.r.-, and vXX.l i required to explain why (he wal- l.'. w#s,jioun time," he singsonged. t i «k#l *H»- ■ , -*UMJ? *'»■ i 4W*r I >«h*3> i'-o-tf*' '»Ca»iiMi3»' •**«» "8»n ?&+ &&.* -tiarn wis, taattn. i"iu»t *». •«*» mm -' Be A COMPLETE PRINTING SERVICE cause we pried, newspapers like The Vhysscy does not mean that CAf (in not welcome small orders for business ANNOUNCEMENTS MS - ETC. \ A , 1 ou should! Because Burley is one of the mildest tobaccos grown . . . with a smooth, mellow fragrance that tastes especially good in a pipe. Burley packs easily . . . burns slowly . . . leaves a clean white ash. And it stays lit I New pipe smokers enjoy this cool, sweet tobacco, right from the first pipeful. Veteran smokers swear bv it. Try a Pipe of Picoba ■ The Pick of Pipe Tobaccos I 5. tmmtm today, March 25, 1949. THE PEOPLES UBYSSEY Page 5 »«*M>«»ipwi>« »lk«»ti*»<>4 S WD DESIRE ME... bound by chains of passion to a man who despised her was natasha zilch doomed to seek respite in suicide's grave? (AT HAS GONE BEFORE: ■* beautiful, innocent, shapely Nata- «'"*'• Nata*ha> he had seen passion \$hh Vlleh, steam-shovel operator for flame in her eyes when she gazed Fefcpte's Communal Earth-Moving ICcfmpany (We'll Do Your Dirty fork) has* never felt the stirring* loflloue within her glorious 180-pound |b#dy■..... . Handsome, grey-eyed, tousle-headed )intitri Phyffe-Elmsworthy, production manager of the sajne company, KtopsKto talk to her one May afternoon fwhil&'she is coating up "Old Greedy- *roW\ as she laughingly calls her tstearti shovel. {'How's production?" lhe bawls, and she looks up from the |coaI>tpiie into his level grey eyes . . •• Then strange tumultous, eniotions send the blood surging to her cheeks find she trembles from head to foot. Dimitri .himself is overwhelmed by |the Same old feeling that hits him svery time he is confronted by a wo- Irian. This time, confronted by one such epic proportions, he thinks,of ve on an Olympian scale, and tumultous emotions break his shoe- luces. He asks Natasha he? name and ■lobbies away, the atee-inspirina ppauty of her muscular torso stamped idelibly in his mind. i j .That night ... ' ' ' ! While Natasha is sorting rivets in the meajre hovel she shares with her, trandmother, a shy, kindly old lady J ' ■ ' mho never married, a knock comes at ne door. Natasha has bean fliinfcinr/i J furiously of Dimitri, and she flies in I ligh excitement to let in the caller. tut it is only a net:,him:, who has loine to borrow an oil-cm. Natasha returns sadly lo Iter rivets mil another bicarbonate, I'or she ut- 1 '<■ Ubuten'iher unfavuilar emotions and pticfcened breathkig to the sack of tbbages which made up her 'made- fiats lunch. ISuddenly . . . \A knock is heard ui the. door, but drowned in the crash of a bucket I rivets hitting the floor and the Lunderaus rumble of Natasha's fly- I ■ . j i ' i ' [g footsteps. She flings open the for to look into the level' g:ey eyes Dimitri, who also has tons'ed hai'". beckons to her, and. with pulses Imrjtering wildjmj, she scites her lineoat, and steps oijtt inip the night, fn the meantime ..." Sascha SluiUehe&ver, a- subordinate histant rope-weaver jor the People's Immunal Earth-Mo?|jr»fJ' Company. Id observed the .chance' meeting of \mitri and Natasha ai 'the steam- gel. Madly and ho)>ulfasly in love into the tousled eyes of Dimitri. Maddened ivith jealousy, he swore to himself that lie would never permit Natasha to bestow her favors on another. Brooding bitterly the same '•f.'crnoon, lie hatched a cunning scheme in the dank depths of his evil end perverted mind. And so '. . . When Dimitri and Natasha departel into the night, they were not unobserved, for crouchinj in the outhouse shadows was the tormented Sasclia, who detached himself from his hiding place and followed the couple at a discreet distance. For miles they walked through the night until , . . Dimitri sank with a loio moan to the ground and removed his aching feet. Natasha sat beside him and looked at him curiously, aided by the fitful light of coal-oil lantern obligingly /winded to her by the warped Sascha, who immediately went and hid in a nearby copse. For a moment the oyung couple ga,~ed ot each | other. .Suddenly their basic metabo!- J ism, blood-pressure, pulse and respire tion loent completely to pieces. Racked with gales of passion, Natasha flung herself into the eager arrns of Dimitri, whose level grey eyes had suddenly turned red. He pressed his tousled lips to hers as the twisted Sascha leaped up and down in a paroxysm of rage and frustration. 'Ihen, without warning, she screamed, once, twice, thrice. Now read on . . . CHAPT XIV "No! No! No." (To Be Continued Next Week) When electricity fails in the northeastern part of the Indian province of Rajbur, the ingenious natives use candles, flawftiGuj*- EXPORT ■C'ANADA\5'*|f' ■'"affil , .... .CIGAR-EtfT'Efva Dog Leash Coats and Suits r''*?____:«! ^ w-o -"M/v Terrific vaiue! Definitely new! . . . the dog leash coats, suits and she; ties. Wear the leash around VOl.ii" waist for the b est sporty, casual wear. Buttcn-to-the-neck styles in covert twill. Full becks ... in fresh Spring colors of Rose, Grey, Red and Navy. MM In half sizes from 1 1 Vi to 1514. $29.50 *m~ \ \m_$&> ^ Something New For Campys Wear a m This smart strap oxford was designed by co-eds to suit their own exacting taste. Soft durable uppers styled in oxford calf. Sizes 5 to 10-AAtoB. $7.45 Campus Shoe Fashions, Main Floor VANCOUVER'S FASHION CENTRE Page 6 THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY Friday, March 25, 1949.1 THE PEOPLE WORK... IS THE TIME FOR ALL GOOD MEN TO COME TO THE AID OF THEIR PARTY *v ' \ ' 4-W ' <•?, a- '< lv>*t3&®> ■.■4trntt,rr' «• J rim _¥°to CH >^,Mi -»fP "M^ <* iidfc* ^ MRS. N. A, McFACTOR. wif digs un first di'1 on tho m"\ B-U ;iaa,,,sr. IVhrn,;,.;-! 'fa; Ci'.'vnr.s ',.,r i>. shot1 mine!a; tare lv'- !;;edod (he move ;: one ni the "tri'ist pr.'■:;ivssive aets p a l^np'o ■; (.!■ a e! nmenl. Mr.--. McFa.'t"'" ss \v:i'e of one of the most iuflne:i!!;i! boot- ■ eg^oi in lhe (smiiury. Thou ■ .'■and;; nf dri> !ss' " _'... establishment every dav. © r i '■ ♦A * -* 5 * ■s i) J*p- , U wit, ' " w i'VV'O !*T« AT THE PEOP1 > tV A*'*^K ^1V—' ^'"'^ » i—rataH'y neriodl >\ ^?v) known as Faaav! Rehuions d'JT. ail *^ J"'* ,T i» .* '* , ' laltitiens co..: sea. The pnm^ry obj« unit, Le.e basiss ior iti!tux: expennienl / rec; uen t Jus f* *^* * J j % - ■* '*"» ®ssaEffiMiss^siia; m ^ - •"••% '*-**' PROLETARIAN VIII XIAI ISTS pnpiun th n on nun ior (|>e coming struggle Id rid the world of bourgeois militarism. Materials may also be loaned lo the working */ people in other countries to aid them in their class struggle, p^^%«*^:^s*t^a^s^#:^«i:-*%«*|B<^H!^"^a* motograpny fych 25, 1949. THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY Page 7 pLS received Motherhood Adeline Brooks (centre) iers all received the Fair- ry elsewhere. ^ \fele V People's Govt pERSITY were caught by liio [their (.'uiii'hos. The course is Requisite lor all olher family |HU'.ae is to establish a i'amilv ktllowwcu Water Substitue Mooted In Peoples Council Tiff; Water Interests Protest VICTORIA, March 25, 1949 (People's Co-operative Press).— Heated, highly colored debate shook the People's Provincial Council today over the question of a water substitute. Solution to the water shortage ?-— ■ caused through the increased use of head James _.?oesar_ Petrill° wou,d water as a mixer for alcoholic beverages was proposed by Dr. G. M. Vol boycott the Water Interests B.C. Cabaret Owners said it would koff, well known physicist, in the j be impossible to permit the dying form of aqua-pure. (of aqua-pure with red and green Aqua-pure, Volkoff said, was highly stripes since this would frighten efficient and could be produced in drinkers and ruin the Cabaret trade, economic quantities. I A- E' )ii:J l!ii*'« i.-'sUS i';") h^r^a Capil-alisf CC[.' Club On the campus will be asked to proiest. the purtjo of Capitalist professors from tho University of Briiisb Columbia. "We're certainly interested," com- ■ Dli. li. O. SEDGEWICK, who | bas traded in his old Ford i'or a j iew Sam Carr, I Five burly members of the riot ( mented CCF President Joe Boxcar, squad finally subdued (lie bandit's t "but we have so much to proles! and fottk (hem away iu handcuffs, , this season we're nol sure we can fit It is believed that the Baby-Bus- '!■ '»■' gy Bandits had been eating doped candy. Said one of thc bandits, "Goo." The request for CCF protest came from tlie University Box Lunch Club and the Civil Liberties Union. ' fiAftJt >,v • s .tf Sfl^B "■ 'J*$&v* WHpk*j$f"'j fm ___yM'\''\ v ' ' •«4ta» #£fl Wi :* h * 4M^^k. X* *• . It p* For a copy of this beautiful photograph completely free of. advertising, send 10c in coins or stamps to The People's Ubyssey Re* print Department in Buck Hall. Specializing in PItlNTINi '■-■i r" FOH ci*'3 cities Soro-iirSos T^ T \«" '$**% v »:»" '2'^ i(\ ?""i fhr ;a '. ■, r.V-TC^V:j;Y AN:) VsVorimG co. 5Cfi Seymour St. Optometrist GORDOxN TELFORD, M.A. 410 Birks Bldg, TA. 2913 Eye Examination Visual Training Page 8 THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY Friday, March 25, 1949. t SocialAtotel HELENA CHAMBER-POTTS Co-operative Women's Editor Mrs. Rostov-Enderby, The Alms, Keeper Street, was hostess yesterday afternoon to a select group of socialites, whom she invited to a buffet tea. Long famed for the excellence of * her cuisine, Mrs. Rostov?Endeirb,y excels in the subtleties ^of exotic cooking and tasteful table-decoration. Yesterday afternoon guests were thrilled at the abundance of garlic sausage and boiled cabbage that was laid out on planks betwen the beautifully functional saw-horses. A Islands in search of Canaries, and the Virgin Islands in search of cocoa- butter. A small, select circle of art-lovers were last night treated to an excellent terpsichorean display, when Mary ,, , , , "Hips" McLoose tastefully renedered punchbowl, contatmng a cunn.ng ^ interpretation of the ..Dance o{ blend of beer, water, and gin adorned the artfully-improvised table. At the conclusion of the repast, guests were served paper-napkins, tooth-pidks, and were encouraged to wash themselves in a handsome galvanized bucket provided for that the Seven Veils" for the group. The program was rounded out by other equally interesting dances and calisthenics, also performed by this experienced artiste. At the conclusion of the presentation, cocktails were served and the purpose. , The afternoon's little fete concluded mixed group c°"tinued t0 discuss with ft small sing-song, and while and exPloit a11 the aesthetic implications of Miss McLoose's artistic Mrs. Rostov-Enderby played an appropriate accompaniment on her harmonica, guests sang favorite old melodies such as "Just a Little Foam for the Old Soaks' and "The One-Eyed Reilly.' * * * expression. The party ended rather abruptly owing to an oversight on the part of one of the guests, who left the blinds up, but the group will meet again ln \ a year, and hope to present at that Comrade F. Stnnwyk-Hewwn, noted Itime an even more interesting pro- eiplorer and scientist, and pillar of 8ratI1, lojcal society, left Thursday on the S. S._ "Malaria' on one of his periodic voyages of exploration and discovery.' His plans included visiting the Gold Coast in search of gold, the Canary The Fijians consider it unlucky to be decapitated. Fifty-percent of all people married in Canada in 1948 were women. Harradine College Specializing in Pitman Shorthand and Speedwriting Typing and Bookkeeping SPEEDWRITING successfully mastered in 8-10 weeks Individual Tuition Day and Night Classes OPEN ALL THE YEAR All Graduates Placed — Good Jobs Waiting 5665 Granvilel at 41st Ave. KErr. 1944 Hearts Column •*)*• Man with horse wishes to meet woman with donkey. Object, mule. Box 4657 The People's Ubyssey. * JL Man, interested in internal combustion engines and stevedoring wishes to" meet woman with similar interests. ■X. Man with 27 children wishes to meet woman to 30 or more children. Object to break Mr. Abbot's budget. Phone AL. 3754R. ifann (CCF) wishes to meet woman (Tory). Object coalition. Apply 791 Cordova Street East. Young lady (43) with gin wishes to meet boy'(20) with vermouth. Object Martini's. Box 9087, The People's Ubyssey. Attractive widow with six ex* ... , ,_, , .. , ,. 4 , _ , ,. . _T . husbands wishes to meet man, j lj>b blows UP- (See famlly relations cut in Roto section.) Not defenceless. Object: lucky seven, shown in picture is nude woman. NUDE WOMAN chases men down mall after Family Relations How fo get your man the EASY way ±* Buy him one of Arrow's famous shirts. (Neatest way to collar a man.) __\. Add one of Arrow's neat-knotting ties. (Brand new patterns for college men) When he sees his face above his Arrow tie framed by his Arrow collar, he'll purr like a kit len . . . and you'll have him! P.S. You might gel him a box of Arrow handkerchiefs while you're at il. Look for the Registered Trade Mark ARROW ARROW SHIRTS TIES • HANDKERCHIEFS —£~ tike a jack-ranbtt... you turn on a dime... you stop in a step. And your feet stay cool and comfortable! Just look at the "Champion", shown here. Shock proof arch cushion and insole, plus cushion heel, keep feet from tiring. Non-skid crepe outsole makes fast, sure footwork a cinch. Felt lined tongue protects instep. High cut and oxford styles in men's sizes. Oxfords in women's sizes. These plus a raft of other features add up to make the Fleet Foot "Champion" the finest sports shoe you can wear. ''. Be sure you get the genuine Fleet Foot. Ask for them hy name at shoe stores and shoe departmen ts everywhere I • SPECIAL PULL-PROOF EYELETS • BREATHABLE UPPERS • SCIENTIFIC LAST • SLANT-CUT TOPS DOMINION RUBBER' ActrllANY LIMITEB i Friday, March 25, 1949. J, i ■ i THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY Page 9 The BAY Protects Your Pocketbook li.a; EVERY ARTICLE IN OUR STORE IS SOLD AT AS LOW A PRICE AS ANYWHERE ELSE IN VANCOUVER OUR BUREAU OF EXPERIENCED SHOPPERS makes o complete daily check of prices everywhere in Vancouver. We make certain our prices are competitive. I. '; j I ii1 ,n.! i mR WORLD-WIDE BUYING FACILITIES and trained buyers with years 'of.experience shop the world markets to bring'you the goods you want et the lowest possible prices.' Can Always him* Confidence At The Bttfrntty Pag (tompattti. INCORPORATED 2?* MAY 1670. imni ii'iiiw"nii miKinuMmnniLi fage 10 THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY Friday, March 25, 1949J 'Farm Team' Planned For Grid Spring Training Sport teams of the People's University will be able to come out of their well-worn rut and into the groove in the future if the new system of farm teams is successful this summer. Like all big league clubs, PU has *> __ decided to adopt a summer farming session where hopefuls are allowed to show their stuff in trying out for a berth on one of the clubs. Anyone interested in turning out for the farm training are asked to contact Dean Clements of the Agriculture Department. All practises will take place over on the Aggie fields where the farm club members will be shown the tricks of the trades, Practises for the 'Bird Footballers will begin with strenuous workouts which include a back-strengthening exercise where the aspirants push a heavy carriage up and down the field. The corect name for the exercise is "ploughing." Combination is the key to the success of any football squad and the farm footballers will be well taught in this department. Six sparkling red International Harvester Combines have been leased 'for the season to aid in the development of the players as well (we suspect> in the development of the Agriculture Department. Passing practise for the Johnny Lujack's of PU will be held as long as the watermelon season lasts, says Dean Clements. "Those ten pound melons will develop tho throwing anil of anyone, but- we had better supply the Ends with a basket in practise sessions." Dean Clemments has numerous other schemes up his sleeve to whip the boys in shape. He said that the Aggie Dept. will help out just as long as the fields need attention. "I'm proud of our football team," he said. "There's nothing I wouldn't clo for our football team. I'll help out our football team in any way I can. Just bring over the boys of our football team and I'll see that they get the proper amount of exercise. There's nothing too good for our football team." Dean Clemments assured reporters that he was only promoting this scheme to "help out our football team," ;,nd that just because he was Dean of Agriculture, and the footballers wore doing all thc work on his fields, it should not bo suspected lhat tho type of exercise were in any way induced by selfish motives. "I hope that i.s not the impression received by the students," he said with innocent eyes. "I just wanta help out our football i team." I The Red Sheet 'THE PEOPLES CHOICE" Scotch Lad . . . good prospect, made strong bid last time out, Lady Hooper beginning to , . . inexperienced, just feel her oats. WELL KNOWN SPORTSMEN GIVEN VIRILITY AWARl Athletes Get 'Highest Honor" For Desirable Qualities Three well-known athletes were among those who received 'ho 'Virility Award" last Tuesday at the general meeting of the ISU'.dents' Co-operative Society. They were Dave Comparelli, past president of the MACS, grid and rugby star Doug Reid and cheer leader Dick Penn. The Virility Award is presented each year this time to students who have indicated clearly that they possess those qualities most desirable in men. Those receiving the award are well known on the campus for their activities in this field and were loudly applauded when the awards were presented. i>- Sir Sheep . . . handicapped, carrying too much weight this trip. Dame Beauty . . . may surprise, tends to open up in the stretch. Dee Vec Ay ... a hard worker, broke his first time out. Donna G . . . showing her form in true fashion, Pappy Pep , . . lots of fight, leaves plenty of room for youngsters. Flower Daddy . . . improving quickly, may end up in the flowers yet. First' Man . . . plenty of leadership Quality, should fair well in the field. Money Bag's . . . good performer, usually finishes outside the money, Second Storey ... a fine prospect, cuts in quickly. Queen Totem . , . an enthusiastic _ . „ .^ .^.,.,.. worker, lays well back in the field' ^^TuMBELLS to BARBELLS but provides 'strong finish. is the fate of well-known PU pro- Queen Homer . . . slow starter, saves' professor Dr G Gi Sedgewick. Retired everything for bigger gates, | from active teaching this year, Dr. S. has announced that he intends to take up weight lifting and has already Ole is Bakken. j hoisted a few. CLUB NOTICE All members of the fencing club are asked to meet in Hut G14 at noon, please bring face masks, silver foils, sharpened javelins and bud spiers. TRAVEL NOTES "£W *r WqjSfljW'N ^ frtsy~' 3tJi ^rfci*W«»Wu r *$&$£ Private Tuition Latin, French, Greek Cedar 5934 DAVE COMPARELLI very vll The Peoples SPORT .£'£»*> -;■■ ■"' --:. :■.•■ = • - ^1 J0^ "termehds •, - TODAY ' ^ 000 "Guess I must hm\ bad it all the time" Too bad Egbert didn't think of lookitl in his pocket sooner . . . he's sure to mf that home-town special now. But it's a cinch Egbert will be on tl old gravy train this summer. He kno^j he's on the right track to fewer monj worries next winter if he puts his sumni savings in a B of M savings account. The are more than 500 branches of the Bofl from coast to coast — any one of whil you will find useful for saving, cashil cheques or sending money home. Have fun till the fall, then, gang,' al remember: your holidays will mean mtl when you know that money in BANK" this summer means dough "YOUR POCKET" next winter. Bank of MontreaI WORKING WITH CANADIANS INEVERY WALK OF LIFE SINCE 18 11 U3-I6 .VjfSfflwtfc*^ !#** a**" «s riday, March 25, 1949, THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY Page 11 No op/es Ruggermen repre-^- ltry to ^ople's /n to ►ancb bs, the ?s, in a by the h of the scrum, Scor of the people with |de against the team i "Golden" was as fts, the 'Mugs drove the first halt as \k liquidated three a glorious effort raditional red, the pipe martial aires while th? 'supporters raised their voices Jommendation during the half- Id breather. thriy capitalistic plot resulted in ie Bears only points early in the leoond half, j'.isy aecidentlv droo ped a kick over the bar from thirty- live yards out. Liquidation proceeded qpacc, as Lousy's banner was torn from his >Jack and trampled into tho turf. [Comrade Russ Laih.mi tlribbotl tin: Ingth of ihe field af'or besre.; sot Ip ny Cumraiie Dunbar, Comrade fotherspuon kicked the convert to it the 'Mugs m w tea B*1S /-i m js imi Co. Ltd, Stationers and Printers iScyniour St, Vancouver, B.C.', JJPMS B. C. REPRESENTATIVE MR. J, G. STEINKOPF - MArine 3024 'f i 2% 3 WOT *fc!^^w*w'S!w#n>? Page 12 THE PEOPLE'S UBYSSEY 1 "' "' -i'.' " ""I '(*'"' ■'■ Xi Jrv* . Ability And From PU Sp rJ Sweeping Changes By MCAS Head Revolutionize Sports Set-Up "There's going to be some changes made." That was the curt statement made recently in an order of the day by Commissar Hilary Wotherspoon, new president of the Men's Cooperative Athletic Society. "From now on," declared Wother-*^ _____ spoon, "there will be no competition V^f ifglSOIl and no discrimination for ability or sex in athletics at the People's Uni-. versity, Such Decadent ideas are contrary to the ideals of the People's Party and will be clone away with I immediately," WHERE OH WHERE Wotherspoon recently took over control of the MCAS after former president Bud Spiers, who allowed such things under his regime, disappeared suddenly. He is believed to be wintering (and Summering) in Siberia. Full implications of the new policy cannot be judged completely yet, but it is certain there will be plenty of new innovations. Abolishment of competition in university sports is being brought into effect because officials feel that competition of any sort is directly opposed to the Party's ideal of cooperation, cooperation and more cooperation. From now on all sports will be played only for the exercise and feeling of brotherly love that they engender. The mere thought of attempting to score points will be con-, sidcred treasonable and dealt with accordingly. ONE APIECE At the beginning of each game six points (corresponding to the six leaders of the revolution) will be given to each side. From then on the athletes will be encouraged to play hard but only in a cooperative sort of way. They will be encouraged to pass the ball not only among members of their own team but also to those of the other side and all athletes will be expected to stand out of the way when one participant feels like making a spectacular run. When teams from" the People's University are competing against squads from the other side of the Cromium Curtain who have not yet accepted the more enlightened idea of not scoring, "effective measures" will be taken to* see that none of thei»' players tally. Now that there is no more distinction among athletes as to ability there will be no such teams as the Thunder- mUgs," the Chiefs and the Braves. FAIREST'WAG Under the new system when a coach wants a first string team he will not choose them according to their playing qualities. All those interested in served for the male sex will now be making the team will submit their . open to all women who are interested // Drop Dead" C J CO! A frog sometimes gets a man in its throat. Human babies subsequently become children. The Maltese never call a herring a gukko. SPO Color Board Proposes Red, Pink And Mauve . i "Will UBC's athletic teams1 turn Red?" Topic of discussion at current meetings of the Men's Co-operative Athletic Society is the possibility of university athletes changing their colors. Comrade Bud Spiers, chairman of the Color Board, announced today that this university may revise its age old color-scheme. Plans to change PU's present colors to red follows a proposal by campus People's Party officials. Directors of the MCAS have been constantly discussing plans to submit a change to the student body before the close of the present term. Proposal reached the hands of Spier almost immediately following visit of People's Party Leader George Grew- Tall to the People's University. Idea to change Varsity colors was I unwittingly come upon when chairman of the introductory committee for Mr. Grew-Tall remarked, "This is truly a red letter day for ottr fair University." Since that day, members of the People's Party on the campus have been in, close contact with Spiers, discussing future trends on the campus. Proposed color-scheme is red, with pink and mauve stripes. <»i,*;#fs &."$$& READY AND RARIN' to go is this pert PU co-ed, who has indicated her approval of the car athletic set-up which allows women to particip ate in sports on an equal footing with men. names which will later be drawn out of a hat. The coach will draw out the number of names he needs to make up his team. This move is being made to do away with discrimination among athletes on such an arbitrary basis as ability or athletic prowess. Tho final point -in the three way plan will see female athletes participating in all sports on an equal footing with men, Such games as football, hockey and boxing, once considered to be re- UIIIVERSITV BOOK STORE Hrs.: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Saturdays 9 a.m. to noon LOOSE LEAF NOTE BOOKS, EXERCISE BOOKS AND SCRIBBLERS GRAPHIC ENGINEERING PAPEOL BIOLOGY PAPER LOOSE LEAF REFILLS .FOUNTAIN PENS AND INK AND DRAWING INSTRUMENTS OWNED AND OPERATED BY THE UNIVERSITY OF B.C. AND HIS BOP FOR THE PEOPLE ff HELPED STREANVLINC H8E-BOP'S0TMATM0W PEOPLE EVERYWHERE ARE ENJOY ING IT- INSTGAD OF TRYING TO -EXPLAIN IT. THE ORIGINAL VENTURA 'BOP' TREATMENT IS GIVEN TO'LULLABY INRYT-HM"ANDWBIRDLAND" IN WIS DEBUT FOI? T?CA VICTOR - IT'S A'MUST' FOR ALL xBE-BOP'FANS. BORN .RAISED, AND MUSICALLY EDUCATED IN PHILADELPHIA, CHARLIE FORMED HIS FIRST BAND THEREAT THE AGE OF 70 * TODAY HE'S ONE OF THE WORLD'S GREATEST TENOR SAX MEN AMP -HIS NEW SMALL BAND PLAYING HIS UNDERSTANDABLE FORM OF '80P' IS BREAKING ATTENDANCE RECORDS EVERYWHERE-HAS WON METRONOME,LAMPLIGHTER AND DOWN BEAT AWARDS AND AN RCA VICTOR CONTRACT. y*NffVLyT^'>^ * LULLABY IN RHYTHM BIRDLAND Charlie Ventura at his Boji lor the People • 20-33j * CRUISING DOWN THE RIVER ALLAH'S HOLIDAY (Friml) The Three Suns ■ 20-3S| * SO IN LOVE (Porter) WERE THINE THAT SPECIAL FACE (Pot (both from the Mus. Prod. "Kiss Me Kail Alfred Drake - 20-afl * FOREVER AND EVER (And Chorus) I DON'T SEE ME IN YOUR EYES ANVMJ Perry Como ■ 20-1 * SUNFLOWER LITTLE JACK FROST GET LOST Ray McKitiley and his Orebtslra . 20-5 TH£ STA& *"° ^^ 7V£ HlTS m W OCA S/iObR 36GORR