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UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Jan 12, 1960

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 THE UBYSSEY
VOL. LXVII
TUESDAY, JANUARY 12, 1960
No. 34
Greek gals compete for Mardi Gras Crown. They are (back row, left to right): Marie Karlsen.
Kappa Alpha Theta; Barb Salonen, Alpha Delta Pi; Elaine Bissett. Gamma Phi Beta; Mary
Hudson. Alpha Gamma Delta; Anne Kelly. Kappa Kappa Gamma. (Front row, left to right):
Reni Lefoho. Delta Phi Epsilon; Pat Killy. Alpha Phi; Sandra Sheppard, Delta Gamma;
Theresa McNjally. Alpha Omicron Pi.
King and Queen Candidates
Head Mardi Gras Pep Meet
Thursday is the big day for
This is the day of the Annual
Mardi   Gras  Pep   Meet   in   the
Armouries.
Featured will be the presentation of the Queen candidates,
skits put on by the King candidates, and the famous Professor's
Skit.
The "Four Winds," a popular
the Greek Letter Societies,
vocal group from Vancouver will
also entertain.
Voting for both the Kings and
Queens will take place at the
Pep Meet and the Miardi Gras
Dance this year.
Twelve fraternities have entered hopefuls for Mardi Gras
King.   They are: Nick Scharfe,
Problems On Columbia
Noted By Williston
The development of the Columbia is a difficult problem to
solve, B. C. Lands and Forests Minister Ray Williston said
Friday. f
Williston, co-chairman of the'
Canadian delegation to the joint
Canadian-American Commission
on the Columbia, told a packed
audience in Buchanan 100 that
commission members had been
misquoted and the problem mis-
tated by the press.
He said he wanted to clarify
the issue as it stands now.
He stated that building dams
in Canada will give downstream
benefits to present U.S. installations which have been engineered to provide for expansion
when upstream control is effected.
The United States will get
more benefit than we will out of
any dams we build, and "very
few people realize this fact," he
said.
He spent most of the hour
showing slides of present developments and future sites as well
as diagrams and plans for pro-
^ posed construction.
Three plans for development
_|of the system are under discus-
jsion, Williston said, and aside
from a difference between U.S.
and Canadian aspirations, there
are complications from interest
groups on this side of the border.
The minister pointed out that
people who stood to be flooded
out under one plan would naturally prefer to see aiTother
adopted, even if, from a power
point of view, their displacement
proved ultimately more profitable to Canada.
In a question period following
his slides and talk, Williston
said it was polioy that the Columbia in B.C. would be developed by public power interests rather than private power.
In other words, the B.C. Power
Commission will develop the
Columbia. .    »
One problem that remains,
however, is whether downstream
benefits that accrue from such
development should be shared
by all the people of the province,
or by only those served by the
B.C. Power Commission, he said.
A question from the audience
pointed out that the areas to be
flooded by future dams are unexplored by archeologists and
will they be investigated before
flooding?
The minister replied that B.C.
has never had a program to investigate for archeological artifacts, but that the problem was
being considered.
New Sports
Facilities
Projected
UBC could have a winter sports arena, a rowing and sailing
course, and the University Golf Course within five years, predicted MAA President Ian Stewart last week.
Other possibilities are a new "
Alpha Delta Phi; Gary Brothers,
Alpha Tau Omega; Gary Bruce,
Delta Upsilon; Robert Squires,
Delta Kappa Epsilon; Terry
Brown, Beta Theta Pi; Mike
Miller, Phi Delta Theta; Phil
Tingley, Phi Gamma Delta; Dave
Spearing, Phi Kappa Pi; Chris
Davies, Phi Kappa Sigma; Allan
Chernov, Zeta Beta Tau; Al
Smith, Zeta Psi; Axel Doulis,
Sigma Chi.
Mardi Gras will be held at the
Commodore, Friday and Saturday, January 22 and 23.
Tickets went on sale yesterday at the AMS Office at $6 per
couple and $3 single. Valuable
door prizes, including a fur stole
and a wrist watch will be presented.
Prizes for best costume will
also be given.
The number of tickets that
will be sold is limited.
Registration
Now On For
B.C. Elections
Over 800 students turned out
to register yesterday, the first
day of a week-long provincial
election registration campaign.
Those students who have not
registered are reminded that, unlike federal elections, you must
register yourself at a given time
before elections.
To qualify for the election you
must be 19 years old, a British
subject, and have resided in
Canada for 12 months and in
B.C. for 6 months.
Naturalized   citizens   are   reminded that they must have the
number of their naturalization
See REGISTRATION
(Continued on Page 8)
women's gym or field house, and
more athletic fields.
The possibility that the university may be able &o lease
the golf course at a moderate
rate from the provincial government has brought these * other
projects to the fore.      ^   t'
Plans for a winter sports arena
fell through last year because
University Hill residents withdrew support. Apparently they
felt that they; themselves would
not derive sufficient benefit
from it if it was built m conjunction  with  the university.
If the university controlled
the golf course an agreement
might be set up whereby University Hill got a share in the
golf course for community use in
return for support and financial
aid in building the arena.
Confronted with all these
diverse possibilities Students
Council has set up a committee
to make a comprehensive investigation of athletic and recreational facilities on the campus.
The committee consists of
Stewart, Inge Andreen, secretary
of WAD, and John Goodwin,
first member. Additional members may be added later.
The committee will make a
study of the use - to which all
existing facilities are being put.
They intend to pay special attention to recreational facilities.
They want to tabulate the needs
of those students who want to
play occasionally just for fun.
"This is a difficult task and
we wilLneed all the help we can
get," said Stewart.
The statistics compiled' will
form the basis for a report which
will suggest methods of making
better use of existing facilities
as well as recommending the
construction of new ones.
The committee also plans to
list the new facilities needed in
order of importance so that
those most inadequate will get
priority.
For instance, Stewart felt that
recreational facilities were sadly
lacking. He cited the bowling
alley as the only good recreational establishment on the campus.
The committee will study a
need for more tennis courts,
squash courts, handball courts,
and a recreational swimming
area.
"Some of the existing athletic
facilities, such as the women's
gym, are quite inadequate," he
said.
It is believed the concrete
facts and figures that the committee will gather will back up
demands for need improvements.
It should be noted that this is
essentially a community service
rather than an athletic project.
The recreational angle will be
give the most emphasis, Stewart
said.
Secretary Needed
For Men's Athletics
Deadline for applications for
the position of secretary of the
Men's Athletic Association is
noon tomorrow at the Men's
Club Room.
According to a council spokesman the position is one of great
importance.
The successful applicant
would act as secretary to MAA
and would also sit on MAC (with
faculty representatives and the
MAA president).
The new secretary will finish
this term and continue through
next year.
Applications should be written and addressed to the Athletic
Director.
'tween classes    J
RAY SIKORA
TO PLAY HERE
JAZZ SOCIETY
Ray Sikora Quartette—in the
Jay Jay and Kai style—Wednesday noon in the Auditorium,
25c. Members free.
* *     * "j
LECTURE
Professor Hans Heinrich Borcherdt of the University of
Munich will deliver a lecture oh
"Das Dichterische bei Scheil-
ler" in Buchanan 217 on Thursday,  Jan.  14.
* *     * \
NEWMAN CLUB
The four discussion groups are
meeting this week. The Monday
evening lectures have started.
There will be a ski trip to Mount
Baker this Sunday.
* *     * ■   .1
CONSERVATIVE CLUB
General meeting today in
Buch 203. All members are urged
to attend.
* *    * ;(
EL CIRCULO
Professor Kobbervig will be
showing slides of Mexico in Buch
204 at noon. Admission free.
* *i    * f
UNITED NATIONS CLUB
United Nations Club General
meeting Tuesday 12:30 in Bo.
100. Important activities to fo*
discussed.
* *    * |
NURSING V
Students   registered  in   First
Year Arts who are interested in
See "AWEEN CLASSES
(Continued on Page 8) PAGE TWO
THE     UBYSSEY
Tuesday, January 12, 1960
Authorized as second class mail by Post Office Department, Ottawa
MEMBER CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS
Published three times a weSk throughout the University year in Vancouver
by the Publications Board of the Alma Mater Society, University of B.C.
Editorial opinions expressed are those of the Editorial Board of The Ubyssey
and not necessarily those of the Alma Mater Society or the University of B.C.
Telephones: Editorial offices, AL. 4404; Locals 12, 13 and 14;
Business offices, AL. 4404; Local 15.
■"': Editor-in-Chief: R. Kerry White
Associate Editor „ Elaine Bissett
Managing Editor Del Warren
News Editor Bob Hendrickson
C.U.P. Editor Irene Frazer
Club's Editor Wendy Barr
Features Editor Sandra Scott
Head Photographer Colin Landie
Photography Editor Roger McAfee
Senior Editor:   Al Chernov
Reporters and Desk:
Morley Short, Art Powell, George Railton, Diane Greeall,
John Russell, Brad Crawford, Derek Allen, Fred Fletcher.
r~
EDITORIAL
It seems necessary in the current state of international
competitiveness to educate the greatest number of students in
&e quickest possible time.
Everywhere quantity and speed is stressed. The number
of engineering graduates in the U.S.S.R. for a given year is
Compared to the number of engineering graduates in the U.S.A.
The scientific achievements of the U.S.S.R. are the
(objects of concern in the West and we are urged from all
Sides to catch up with the greatest possible haste!
But our universities are too impersonal how without
ihe strain of bigger and bigger enrollments. If ever increasing
quantity and speed is essential then this pressure must be
off-set by some sort of personal student attention.
A university is an unsettling thing not only mentally
but emotionally. The student is introduced to a conglomeration
of ideas which conflict with ideas in which he has previously
felt secure.
Besides a probable conflict of idealogies, the college
Student must face a number of conflicts in his relations with
other human, beijigs.
However, not only new concepts unsettle the student.
From the ages of 18 to 2-1 a great deal of character maturing
must take place, and each stage of maturing is an emotional
battle.
But there is little space or time in a quantity—orientated
university, to cater to emotional problems. The student is left
to find for himself, left to sink or swim, and for those that
sink there is too little concern or remedy.
It is unreasonable to the: extreme to expect the student
to rely completely on himself at such a difficult stage in his life.
The universities must shift their emphasis more towards the
individual student, even with increases in enrollment, or else
ttu^y can expect more reoccurances of last weekend's tragedy.
11
Last Minute Club...Tonight
; ' SIRtROMAS VVOLFITT      j
PRESENTS HIS FAMOUS CHARACTER
SKETCHES FROM SHAKESPEARE
ORPHEUM THEATRE
Special low price tickets for students
on sale, in A.M.S'. Office
WATCH FOR COMPLETE LIST OF THE TERM'S
EVENTS IN FRIDAY'S PAPER.
\
Filmsoc and its damn war pictures .
LETTIM TO THE EDITOR
The Editor,
The Ubyssey.
Dear Sir:
The implication made by Mr.
Mansfield (Letters, Ubyssey,
8th January) that people per-
sue the Arts for purely materialistic ends is a typical
"American" attitude. Blissfully unaware that the program
he chose to criticize was bu,t
one of a series, he suggests that
Dr. Mackenzie only broadcasts
to improve herself financially.
Dr. Mackenzie has set out in
her broadcasts to give an impression of a few poets and in
this she succeeds admirably.
The purpose, if such a program
needs a purpose, is to remind
of things once read; to explain
ideas and methods and to suggest, to the listener other poets
and poems worth reading.
Money-minded cynics like
Mr. Mansfield all too often
tend to be the only voice that ;
is heard to comment. I hope
Dr. Mackenzie realizes that her
programs are appreciated by
many who are glad to escape,
for a few moments at least,
from the ever-growing world
of the Mansfields.
Yours sincerely,
Geoffrey yoss.
son for the poor attendance at
this meeting. Perhaps the
Election Committee can supply
us with a valid reason.
Don  Munro,
4th Forestry
John   Leesing,
4th Forestry
The Editor, :
The Ubyssey,
Dear Sir:
In   conjunction    with   your
verbal agreement of 'Thunder
Day 1959," May we ask your
: co-operation in fulfilling your
promise:
1 can of food per member
each for council and the Ubyssey staff. The Hollenbergs,
owners of Thunder, have very
generously donated a case of
canned food to be given to
Central City Mission. May we
count on you for your contribution by Wednesda, Jan.
13th?
Thank you.
Fran  Charkow,
.      (on behalf of AWS)
The Editor,
The Ubyssey,
Dear Sir:
Are we the graduating students interested in the Univer-,
sity? Are we proud of our
Alma Mater? It appears that
we are not.
Today there was a meeting
of the Graduating Class in
Buchanan 100 for the purpose
of hearing the election speeches
of the Grad Class executive
nominees. Here is a list of
those present:
1. Some of the candidates
and seconders.
2. Ten members of the
grauating class.
3. Two freshmen using Buchanan 100 as a lunch
room.
Since tradition shows that
the graduating students are interested in the University and
are proud of their Alma Mater
there must toe some other rea-
Editor,
The Ubyssey.
Dear Sir:
John Cum Maximum Laboris
Northfield has allowed us to
goad him into desperate invective.   Touche'!
D. Sigurgeirson,
Arts III.
STATEMENT OF POLICY
The Ubyssey is at all times
glad to print provocative editorial material as long as it is
signed and typewritten. The
deadline fof such material is
12:30 p.m. any day.
Opinions expressed in guest,
editorials, letters to the editor and editorial columns are
not necessarily those of the
Ubyssey.
The Ubyssey will not publish letters to the editor unless they are signed and typewritten. Pseudonyms will be
used on occasion, but not unless the author's identity is
known to the Ubyssey.
—R.K.WHITE
The Editor,        ;
Ubyssey.
Dear Sir:
Is Canada a nation of weaklings?-Have we striven to establish a pseudo-humanitarianism
toy permitting a second rate
visitor to ignore completely our
legal and governmental institutions? Are we overly lenient
with violators of our national
boundaries? Yes! As a nation
we are spft-spined, we have no
national pride, nor have we
respect for any action that
tries to maintain our Canadian
unity. Is it not obvious that the
well - known infiltrator, Mr.
Chan, upon obtaining a visitor's
permit to Canada, was not only
untruthful but treacherous in
obtaining it? Under false pretenses he entered Canada, and
then established himself as "a
man willing to help defend
Canada." His reason was only
to garner sentimental contacts
to aid him in his quest to become a reputable immigrant.
Have we no faith in the government that we ourselves
elected? Do we not realize that
the Immigration Board knows
much better than we do why
the notorious Mr. Chan is not
being voluntarily admitted to
our country? Obviously not for
many Canadians force themselves into a descructive conformity because they feel that
as soft-hearted sentimentalists
they gain the respect of the
world.
—A  Government Sympathizer
RENTAL & SALES
• Full DreSs
• Morning Coats
• White and Blue Coats
• Shirts and Accessories
• $1.00 discount to
UBC Students.
E A. LEE Ltd.
623 HOWE MU 3-2457
-w.i *.»•_ Tuesday, January 12, 1960
THE     UBYSSEY
PAGE THft££
Forty UBC Students
Perform For Blind
i:
Male Escorts
Badly Needed
Future teachers are willing
to pay for males.        N
Here is a request for male
escorts at the Future Teachers'
Club's Dance in Brock Hall
Saturday.
The second annual conference
sponsored by the College of Education will be held on the campus this coming Friday and Saturday.
The 120 delegates from 60 B.C.
High Schools are mostly young
girls who hope to enter the College of Education next fall.
A request for 30 male escorts
for the large dance held in Brock
Hall Saturday evening has been
made by the Education Undergraduate Society.
All interested male students
are asked to contact the Conference Chairman, Bill Elliott, at
WA 2-1379 before Wednesday
midnight.
All expenses incurred by the
escorts will be paid by the Education Undergraduate Council.
Refreshments, prizes, and a
name band will add to the evening's   entertainment.
Funderal services for
Bernard Clarence Barons
will be held al the North
Surrey Funeral Home,
Wednesday, January 14,
1:30 p.m.
Barons, who was a 4th
year science student at
UBC, was killed in an auto
accident Friday, January
8th, while on his. way to
school. 	
Coaching of French 110,120,
210 by experienced teacher.
Telephone RE 3-2664
mornings or 8 to 11 p.m.
A THE RIDDLE
^#F.    JAN.  31
Matz & Wozny
548 Howe St.       MU 3-4715
Custom Tailored Suits
for Ladies and Gentlemen
Gowns and Hoods
Uniforms
Double breasted suits
moderaized in the new
single breasted styles.
Special Student Rates
INSTALLATION OF
REV. M. JOHN V. SHAVER
B.A.
as
United Church Chaplain
in the University
in
Union College Chapel
Sunday, January 10th
3:00 p.m.
By MARY SHAKSPEARE
Last night, the Blind School Auditorium at 1101 West
Broadway echoed with the sounds of Broadway musicals, ballads, jazz, classical music and fraternity songs.
The   programme,   staged   for j musical tunes,
members   of   the   White   Cane j     other    vocalists    were    folk
Club,   was   arranged   by   Patti j singers Kerry Feltham and Dave
Sproule, the song teams of Phi-
Gamma Delta and Alpha Gamma
Delta, a "Fiji" Quartet, and ballad singeer, Dr. Cox.
MC was Jim Meekison.
Because of the success of "last
night's programme, the possi*
bility of a second concert under
UBC organization, is now being
contemplated for early March.
was
Darling, president of Associated
Women Students and Paul Hazell
of  the   National   Federation   of
Canadian University   Students.
Among the 40 UBC students
who took'part, were Carol Stien
playing classical piano, Brian
Galliford popular piano and Sandra Browning singing Briadway
BANNED
BY THE
B.C. CENSOR
BOARD
FOR OVER 30 YEARS
STORM
OVER
ASIA
DIRECTED BY V. I. PUDOVKIN
This film has been brought to UBC only with special!
■permission. It is an early Soviet film that is consjd-J
|ered too  shocking for  British  Columbia  audiences.|
TODAY
AUDITORIUM Admission   by   Classics
3:30, 6 and 8 p.m. Series Pass or 75c
^•v
'-XT
w fi * J
.*&£.
iff subsidized university education
sumfher employment
the Queen's commission upon graduation
Ifoti cdn begin a career as a professional naval officer NOW and still
complete your present university course.
^rOuglt tne Regular Officer Training Plan (ROTP), the Royal Canadian
Navy Sffers you awfully subsidized university education leading to a baccalaureate degree and a challenging career.
You are eligible to apply tor a naval ROTP cadetship NOW if you
• are registered in the faculties of
A P PL IE P    SC IE N C E    (ENGINEER! NG)
SCIENCE      ARTS     or     EDUCATION
• will graduate in T9610, 1961 dr*T9o2, with the required
minimum of credits in Calculus and Physics.
Call at your University Placement office today emfe
• get your own copy of the Navy's brochure Careers
in the Royal Canadian Navy*
• make an appointment for an interview with the nova!
University Liaison Officers who will visit your campus
during this academic year*
If you would nice
more information
before your interview, mail this
coupon NOW. —
You do not place
yourself under
any obligation by
requesting this
information.
OFFICER CAREERS,
NAVAL HEADQUARTERS*
OTTAWA, CANADA
Please, mail me further information on Officer Careers In tho
Royal Canadian Navy.
Mawe
Home Address  -
JHome Phone.
University.
Faculty.
Year of
.Graduation.
OYAL     CANAD1A
A V Y PAGE FOUR
THE     UBYSSEY
Tuesday, January 12, 1960
'University Not
Filling Function
By GRANT B. LIVINGSTONE
"The   university  does   not   fulfill   its   function   unless   it
answers basic questions—it cannot operate in a vacuum."
"But the most basic question ^
unanswered in today's university
'What is man?' is 'truly answered
in the New Testament," declared Prof. Geooffrey Parke-
Taylor to over three hundred
students filling Buchanan 106 in
the first 1960 lecture of VCF's
Friday noon series.
"Jesus Christ was 'man writ
large,' the representative man
God intends man should be,"
said the "Anglican College's professor of New Testament.
'Our manner of reckoning
time rightly centres on this man
who told His executioner, Pontius Pilate, the Procurator, of an
obscure Roman province at the
dividing Of A.D. from B.C., 'My
kingdom is not of this world'."
Then, as now, people were
looking for a revolutionary
leader who would radically
change world conditions. But
His revolution was to be in man
himself—a revolution of >the
spirit.  The greatest of His mira
cles is the change He makes in
the lives of His followers,'' said
the professor.
With too many people of University level in other areas of
learning, their knowledge of
Christ ended at Sunday School
level. This childishness of understanding could quickly be
remedied if they would start
reading the New Testament for
themselves, he said.
He commended a new pocket-
book translation of the Four
Gospels at the bookstore, by an
English scholar, E. V.'Rieu. Rieu
began the work of translation a
skeptic, at the urgence of his
son, a lay preacher, but at its
end, he declared it had changed
him.
"These (the Four Gospels)
bear the seal of the Son of man,
and they are the Magna Carta
of the human spirit," he testified.
Stratford Festival
Offers Wide Variety
This year, the Stratford Shakespearean Festival offers as
usual a wide gamut of entertainment both musical and dramatic.
The Stratford Festival of 1960
opens on June 27 and continues
to Sept. 17.
In the Festival theatre, three
Shakespearean plays will be presented: "Romeo and Juliet," directed by Michael Langham and
designed by Tanya Moiseiwitsch,
with Julie Harris and Bruno
Gerussi as the "star cross'd
lovers"; "King John," directed
by Tyrone Guthrie and designed
by Miss Moiseiwitsch; and "A
Midsummer Night's Dream," directed by Douglas Campbell and
designed by Brian Jackson.
A new production of "H.M.S.
Pinafore," a continuation of tae
Musicians' Workshop, concerts
by the National Festival Orchestra with Glenn Gould, Oscar
Shumsky and Leonard Rose as
resident artists, and an international conference of composers
will be among the features of
the Music Festival.
Once again an International
Film Festival will be held in
the Avon Theatre (during the
two weeks commencing Aug. 22)
at which important new motion
pictures from many different
countries will be shown.
ANNUAL
SALE
.CASUAL JACKETS, SPORTSHIRTS,
TOPCOATS, SUITS, SPORTSCOATS,
SWEATERS, ETC.  ETC.
A Fine Selection
of Wonderful Values
RICHARDS & PARISH
MENSWEAR
802 Granville Street, Vancouver,
and the
COLLEGE SSOP," BROCK HALL
Ghana's Varied Culture
Discussed By Oberlander
By GEORGE RAILTON
Ubyssey Staff Reporter
Ghana is trying to accomplish in one generation what the
rest of the world has done in 200 years, according to Dr. Obex*-
lander, a member of the Faculty of Agriculture..
Dr. Oberlander, who was sent
To Ghana in West Africa by the
UN as advisor in the establishment of a town planning school,
gave a noon-hour lecture yesterday in Buchanan  106.
He compared Ghana with B.C.,
saying that it is one quarter the
Size with a population of five
to six million.
K "It is trying to catch up in
<bne generation what the rest of
the world has done in 200 years,"
he said.
He described the country as a
conglomerate of people, climates,
backgrounds and cultures.
The films shown were mainly
on architecture, cities and towns.
"Africa is the continent which
we will hear more of in the next
10-20 years," he said.
He gave a piece of its past
history in showing pictures of
17 or 18 century buildings now
holding up to 100 people.
He said that the buildings tell
the fullest story of what is taking place just now.
Ghana has great hopes of becoming a leader in the aluminum
production with the discovery of
Bauxite near a hydro power
potential, he said.
Annual Exhibition Of Architecture
To Be Displayed At UBC Art Gallery
The UBC Art Gallery will
open the spring term on January
19 with the annual edition of
architecture and a Smithsonian
Institution display of Finnish
rugs.
Two winning models submitted
by UBC students will be included in the Pilkington awards
I960 and 1961 Engineering  or Honour Science  Classes
PROCTER & GAMBLE CO.
OF CANADA
Hamilton, Ontario
has openings for permanent  employment for Graduating *
and
openings for summer employment for those in Class of '61
m
PRODUCT RESEARCH-DEVELOPMENT-PRODUCTION SUPERVISION
ENGINEERING-TECHNICAL PACKAGING - QUALITY CONTROL AND
INDUSTRIAL ENGINEERING
Company representatives  will be present for campus
INTERVIEWS:    January  18,19,20,21,1960
Personal interviews may be arranged through your Placement Office
•in the architecture exhibit.
Forty-one designs shown in
painted sketches and hand-
woven samples will be represented by nine leading Finnish
weavers. •
The rugs were assembled for
a  competition in Finland.
The work of the award winners will be shown in deep-piled
rugs handicrafted in brilliant
colours.
Viewing hours of the exhibition, which will continue until
Feb. 6, will be from 10:30 a.m.
to 6 p.m., Tuesdays through
Saturday, and from 7 p.m. to
9 p.m., Tuesday.
BARBER SHOP
HEADQUARTERS
Peter Van Dyke
Barber Shop
Brock Extension
5734 University Blvd.
"YOUR TONSORIAL
LIST"
HALL AND CATERING
SERVICE
Special Attention for
University Functions
2723 West 4th Ave.
RE 1-2814     -     WE 9-3827 Tuesday, January 12, 1960
THE    UBYSSEY
PAGE FIVE
Annual Symposium
Agenda Announced
The topics for Academic
Symposium discussion groups
and panels are as follows.
1. The role of extra-curricular activities in the total
"education" of the student.
2. The abolishment of the
"7/8 rule."
3. The instigation of a full
week without lectures before final exams.
. 4.   The   replacement    of   the
Freshman Year on campus
by    province-wide    senior
matriculation     in     high
schools.
There are places  for  90  students in the group of 140 which
will   hold   the   fourth   annual
Academic Symposium at Parksville, Vancouver Island, starting
Feb. 5.
The other 50 delegates will be
chosen from among the faculty
and alumni.
Student delegates do not have
to represent any particular club
or organization, but will be
Chosen on a basis of a good
scholastic record, general interest and activity in student and
academic affairs. -'.:'■■
.  A second class average is de-
sired.-of applicants..
The ; Acedemic Symposium
gives students a chance to discuss and make suggestions concerning the academic program
Of the university, to meet people
varsity
theatre
4375 WEST 10TH
AL 0345
Jan  12-16
A Best Seller Novel
Becomes a Great Motion'
Picture
"ANATOMY OF A
MURDER"
(Adult Entertainment)
starring
JAMES STEWART
and Joseph N. Welch as
Judge Weaver
One   Complete  Show
Commencing at 8:00 p.m.
Doors 7:15 p.m.
»
FIRST NIGHTER'S PREVIEW MONDAY 8.00 P.M.
from other faculties, and to
freely exchange views with
members of the faculty.
If interested, tear out the application form in today's Ubyssey and turn it in to the AMS
office.
The cost of the weekend will
be $6 per delegate, other expenses being met by the sponsoring Faculty Association, AMS,
and. University  Administration.
Participants will leave Vancouver at approximately 4 p.m.
Feb. 5, and will return by 7
p.m. Feb. 7.
SYLVIA N. POLING
Lotta Hasch
(Home Ec. 57) says
'My favourite ingredients for success
are a growing Savings Account and ,
a good banking connection at... V\\ unim
||iiJ
Bank of M^n'treai,
(^nuuUu. 'P&ttt SW4 fan StudetU*
R. D. GARRETT - Provincial Manager
619 Burrard Bldg. Phone MU 3-3301
fl big step on the road to success is an early banking connection
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE LECTURE
How spiritual awakening
brings freedom will be the topic
of a free lecture for UBC students to be given on Thursday,
January 14th by Sylvia N. Poling of Phoenix, Arizona.
A Christian Science teacher
and practitioner, Miss Poling is
on extended tour as a member
of The Christian Science Board
of Lecturship. She will speak in
Buchanan 106 under the aus»,
pices of The Christian Science
Organization of UBC. Her subject will be "Christian" Science
Reveals the Door to Life More
Abundant."
U.B.C DEPARTMENT OF THEATRE
presents
"ARMS   AND   THE   MAN"
By GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
January 21st, 22nd, 23rd
UNIVERSITY AUDITORIUM — 8:30 P.M.
Reserved seats — Students Tickets $1.00 and 50c
Auditorium Box Office, 10:00 a.m. - 4:30' p.m.
APPLICATION  FORM
NAME   ,	
ADDRESS AT UNIVERSITY	
YEAR AND COURSE OF STUDY  TELEPHONE 	
SCHOLASTIC AVERAGE LAST FULL YEAR OF STUDY  , YEAR.
SCHOLARSHIPS,   etc ,	
EXTRA-CURRICULAR  ACTIVITIES
NOTE:  Applications must be turned in to BOX 8, A.M.S. OFFICE, or to the
RECEPTIONIST, A.M.S. OFFICE, by 4:00 p.m. on FRIDAY, JANUARY 22nd.
NOTE:   Only those selected to participate will be notified.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
ORGANIZATION
at the
University of British Columbia
Cordially invites you to attend a challenging
Lecture on a Practical Religion
"CHRISTIAN SCIENCE REVEALS
THE DOOR TO LIFE MORE
ABUNDANT"
by --^*
Sylvia N  Poling, C. SB,     •
of Phoenix, Arizona r
on
Thursday/January 15th, 1960
BUCHANAN 106 12:30 P.M.
Here is an opportunity to gain first-hand information about the religion which teaches that the
spiritual laws of God can be understood and applied to human problems of every kind.
OPPORTUNITIES FOR
PERMANENT EMPLOYMENT A T
IBM
To learn about the extremely desirable career,
opportunities available at International Business
Machines be sure to hear a
Short Talk With Color Film
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 13th, 1960
at 12:30 p.m., Buchanan 102
IBM  INTERVIEWING '
ENGINEERING     -     MATHEMATICS     -     PHYSICS
CHEMISTRY and COMMERCE
JANUARY 19th AND 20th
STUDENTS INTERESTED
Please arrange an interview through the
Placement Office, Hut M-7
THIS IS  IMPORTANT!
Literature available at departmental offices
and Reading Room in Personnel Office
INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS MACHINES
COMPANY LIMITED
944 HOWE STREET
VANCOUVER
- PAGE SIX
T^H E    |BYS
UBC sailors Doug Helmer and Sandy Robinson sail by the
University of Washington crew in weekend regatta.
Crawford think
Sailing Cup Stays
In UBC Trophy Case
by   BRUCE   TAYLOR
.:>,;   The U.B.C. Sailing Team retained  their  lead   in   Inter-collegiate sailing competition   this
"Weekend with another amazing
i series of victories.
jjj.    Competing     against     strong
Irteams   from;,  the  University  of
! I >Washington;  Seattle University,
||';and.   the   University   of   Puget
'jjSound  the   local   tars   won  all
four     races.     Season's    record
Stands at 11 first and 1 second.
FIRST REGATTA
'.■ This was the first regatta that
the U.B.C. team had sponsored.
: Final standings in the double
knockout event was UBC, first,
followed by U.. of W., U. of
Seattle and University of Puget
Sound.
.   In the  first   race   U.B.C7 de
feated the team from UW by a
narrow three •point margin
while UPS beat SU. UW
bounced back, in the next race
winning against SU. UBC defeated UPS in another close
victory.
FINAL TO UBC
The semi - final draw saw
University of Washington take
University of Puget Sound. The
U of W team met U.B.C. in the
final. UBC swept the final event
to take the Regatta Perpetual
Trophy.
In the consolation round SU
defeated UPS to finish third.
Sailing conditions were ideal
on the Saturday meet Wind held
a steady southeast ten for the
whole series. There was only one
race in which U.B.C-. .did not
dominate.
STUDENTS!
LEARN THE FUNCTIONS OF PROVINCIAL
GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS BY GETTING YOUR
FREE SUBSCRIPTION
to the
"BRITISH COLUMBIA GOVERNMENT NEWS"
WRITE TO:
B.C. TRAVEL BUREAU
Parliament Buildings,
Victoria, B.C.
SAMPLES ARE ON FILE WITH YOUR
UNDERGRADUATE SOCIETY
Tuesday, January 12, 196i
iras
"■'■*_»    "V. V
Thriller
To Front Running As
Hockey Tops
Men's League
by ALAN DEFOE
(Ubyssey Sports Staff)
Varsity consolidated its hold
on- first place in the men's grass
hockey A Division with a 7-0
win over North Shore A at UBC
No. 1 Field on Saturday after
noon.
Scoring for the winners were
Vic Warren with four goals,
Gordie Forward with two goals,
and Nelson Forward with a
single goal.
According to Dr. Malcolm
McGregor, Varsity played together as a team. In particular,
he praised the combination Of
Gordie forward, Art Temple,
and Ronnie Lee's iby calling, it
•brilliant" in attack.; Furthermore he added that the entire
Varsity defence wes "impregnable." Dr. McGregor noted,
however, that next -week Var-i
sity will face much stiffer opposition from the second place
Grasshopper A eleven in a game
scheduled for Saturday on UBC
No. 2 field.
The 'Hopper A squad defeated
UBC Blu^s 3-1 at Cannaught
Park on Saturday.
The former team now has a
won-lost record of 8-1 and trails
Varsity only by virtue of an inferior goals-for-and-against average. t
In the latter game, Blues held
the Grasshoppers to a 1-1 half-
time count before bowing in the
second stanza. Mike Gerry fired
the losers' lone goal.
In a final A Division encounter on UBC No. 2 field, the
UBC Golds came from behind to
defeat West Coast Rangers 5-3.
Sparked by the three goal hat
trick of Peter St. John, the
Golds , took firm command of
the contest in the second half.
Peter Buckland and John Kerr
each scored a goal for the winners.
Meanwhile, in an early B
Division game On UBC No. 1
pitch, the second place Grasshopper B eleven; shutout the seventh place UBC Pedagogue crew
by a 2-0 score. Still undefeated,
India B with a won-lost-tied record of 8-0-2continues to lead
'the eight team circuit.
By ERNIE HARDER
(Ubyssey Sports Editor)
UBC's youthful Thunderbirds dropped a 79-78 cliffhanger
to Alberrti's pace-setting Athletics Saturday night—but not before convincing over 600 enthusiastic onlookers that this university's senior hoop contingent could be the most respected crew
in the inter-city circuit by playoff time.
Though sharp shooting Gary Panton sparked the fast-
breaking A's to a 28-19 first-quarter lead, Jack Pomfret's close
checking blue and gold hosts narrow the visitors' edge to four
points by halftime.
HALFTIME LEAD
Score at the half was 43-35.
_ Throughout the contest UBC
missed chances from close in,
but steady performances from
the field toy rookie Bill Berardino and veteran Ken Winslade
put 'Birds ahead for the first
time in the third quarter.
At the end of the third frame,
TUESDAY
Badminton — UBC Second
team vs: Point Grey, Memorial
Gym, 8:u&p.m.
WEDNESDAY
Thunderette Basketball vs.
Richmond at Churchill.
FRIDAY
Thunderbird Basketball at
University of Sask.
Thunderettes vs. Hastings at
Memorial Gym.
Globetrotters at Memorial
Gym, 8:30.
SATURDAY
Women's Hockey hostess event
Afternoon.
Globetrotters at Memorial
Gym,»8:3<fc ■■•■■>•■
Swimming.
Women's Hockey, Varsity vs.
Alums, 2:00, Connaught.
Squash Tournamentt at Vancouver Rackets Club.
UBC  vs.  North Van,   2:30  at
SUITS $49.95, $59.95, $69.95
JACKETS .. $24.95, $29.95, $39.95
TOPCOATS  $39.95, $49.95
SPORTSHIRTS    $2.95, $4.95
SWEATERS 20% OFF
MADE TO MEASURE — 20% DISCOUNT
ALL CLOTHING FROM REGULAR STOCK
BOB  LEE  LTD.
Natural Shoulder Clothing 623 W. HASTINGS
Abbotsford High
Biats Braves
UBC Braves split two weekend exhibition basketball games
with local, high school teams.
The Braves dumped Gladstone
58-41 Friday at the War Memorial Gym, but were shocked 61-50
by a sizzling Abbotsford High
five. The Braves are UBC's
third team.
The Braves' loss was only their
fourth in 17 games. They had
previously defeated such top
high school teams as Lord Byng,
Magee, and Courtney. Abbotsford was led by Mike Penney
with 16 points. Braves' leaders
were Pete Hewlett with 10, and
Dal Lansdell with 9 points.
In Friday's win, Al Ross led
the scorers with 11 points. Tomorrow the Braves take on
their league-leading adversaries,
YMCA, at the Lord Byng Gym
at 8:30. Come and support UBC's
winningest  basketball team.
Jack Pomfret's playoff hungry
'Birds held a shaky 59-58 command.
CONTROL BOARDS
With the experienced A's controlling the boards and Thunderbirds counteracting with.an effective display of defensive
checking, the game went into
a dramatic, fourth quarter
finale.
The 'Birds, who did a fine joto
all evening of handcuffing shifty
John Kootnekoff, couldn't defend against the outside shooting of Gary Panton and Doug
Brinhaml
PANTON SCORES
Panton fouled out with just
over a minute remaining, but
not before he had sunk, what
proved to be the winning basket.
■■ The final three minutes were
strictly strategy. It saw A's go
into an effective two-minute stall
With just eight seconds remaining, UBC gained posession and
called timeout.
Mainstay Barry Drummond
drove in toward the opposition's
hoop officials called "charging"
—and that's how it ended.
UBC IMPROVING
Though the- Pomfret men are
making defensive mistakes and
missing oportunities on the attack, they are noticably gaining
confidence and co-ordination
with each outing. Saturday's display at the gym was high-scoring, crowd-pleasing basketball.
The loss left UBC tied for
third spot with Cloverleafs.
However, the Leafs have tw»
games in hand.
OPEN WCIAU PLAY	
UBC, who travel to Saskatchewan next weekend to open,
their WCIAU schedule, will
meet second place Dietrich-Collins and Eilers in their remaining games in the* coast league,
SCOREBOARD
Alberni - (79) - Williamson 7,
Brown 9, Gailloux 4, Kootnekoff 8, Grisdale 8, Brinham 14;,
Bisset 13 Panton 12, Radies 4.
UBC - (78) - Lusk, Drummond 9,
Way 2, Berardino 6, Hartley 6,
Gushue 4, Osborne 10, Pederse*
8, Dumaresq 3, Winslade 17,
Martin 13.
SPORTS DEPARTMENT
NEEDS MORE WRITERS
If your great ambition is
to write for this page (what
an ambition . . . ) then come
down to the Ubyssey offices
either Thursday or Monday
noon.
You don't have to get a first
class in that English 100 essay
as long as you can run over
to the Gym and back with
news. 	
IFILMSOC PRESENTS . . .
"OUT"... The U.N. Film on the Hungarian
Revolution.
•T6oay T2:3& Auditorium 15c or Series Pass Tuesday, January 12, 1960
THE     UBYSSEY
PAGE SEVEN
\U*.
Co-Editors . _ Ann Pickard, Ernie Harder.
Staff Mike Hunter, Fred Fletcher, Alan Dafoe
Swimmers
Take UPS
University of B.C. swimmers
splashed to a 59-36 win over U.
of Puget Sound in Tacoma on
Saturday.
Thunderbirds were victorious
in their first meet of the season
(despite the late arrival of several
UBC competitors due to car
trouble.
This development forced
Coach Peter Lusztig to use untrained swimmers in several
events. Diver Peter Pellott
placed second in the 200 and 400
metre- free-style events despite
being unprepared. He also
copped second in the diving, behind a team-mate.
iFOTJR RECORDS FALL
Four tlBC swim records fell
in the meet.
The medley relay of B. Gilchrist, D. Page, B. Petersen, and
B. Bagshaw trimmed 23.3 seconds from the 400 metre record,
swimming the .distance in 4:50.6.
Bert   Petersen  beat  the   200
metre butterfly record by  12.6
seconds.  His time was 2:54.5.
BACKSTROKE   RECORD
B. Gilchrist took 1.8 seconds
from his own 200 metre backstroke record.
The 200 metre breaststroke
record also fell.
Dennis Page grabbed this and
one other win to lead the UBC
paddlers who took six of eleven
events.
Lions, N. Y. Giants
Both Want Bill
Sports
SQUASH
U.B.C. Squash team lost a
close 3-2-decision to the 'Y'
last Thursday.
Winning U.B.C. players were
Ian Campbell and Chris Scott.
Bill Whitelaw, Terry Wolfe and
Peter Hermant dropped matches
to the victorious 'Y' competitors.
, This weekend the Squash team
plays in the Pacific Coast Championships at the Vancouver
Raquets Club, Twenty-fifth arid
Oak. Finals will be Sunday afternoon.
Badminton Team Takes
Strathcona In League
The first Badminton team
ousted a Strathcona squad 11-1
in a Friday Night match.
Only losing team was the
Men's Doubles pair of Warren
Bell and' Ed Auld. They lost a
close three game match to the
Strathcona number one doubles
pair.
In Women's Doubles Shirley
McKelvey and Sid Shakespeare
won in close matches. Sharon
Whittacker and Lynn McDougall
easily took their matches.
In other Men's Doubles play
Keith Tolman and Les Trabert
took two easy matches.
All teams won mixed doubles
events.
This team is still unbeaten in
league play. The second team
plays their first league match
today at the Memorial Gym
starting at 8:00 p.m.
B.C. LIONS? — NEW YORK GJAIfTS?
Rugby Whallops
Ex-Brittanig 24-0
By FRED FLETCHER
(Ubyssey Sports Staff)
UBC's rugby juggernaut rolled oyer Ex-Brittania 24 to nil
at UBC Stadium Saturday in their drive toward the Miller Cup.
The   victory,    their    tenth*-
against  one  draw  and no  de
feats, gave the Varsity squad a
two and one half game lead over
second place Kats who lost a
tight 8-5 game to a strong Rowing Club side at Brockton Oval.
Coach Howells club is now in
an excellent position and should
be hard to dislodge from top
spot now that they have jelled
into a team.
MIKE AND STU SCORE
Top scorers in Saturday's
game were Mjke Chambers with
two tries and Stu Smith with
a try and three converts. Bob
McKee, Ralph Bagshaw and
Neal Henderson, who . has just
returned from the injured list,
each contributed one try.
Also in Miller Cup action
Saturday UBC Braves edged
Trojans 6-3.
Braves are also showing up
well in the race for Mr. Miller's
trophy.
Their scoring was handled by
Terry Culling who made a try,
and Benny Gilmore,. who booted
a penalty goal.
CARMICHAEL CUP
In the Carmichael Cup series
UBC picked up a pair of victories; tooth in the "A" division.
The Frpsh "A" Squad whitewashed West Van Barbarians
Seconds 24-0 at Aggie Field.
Totems, a group of converted
football players competing for
the first time this season, brushed past Meralomas Seconds 16-
12.
UBC   PE   was   scheduled   to
meet Wanderers at Douglas Park
in the same division; however,
the game was postponed.
WORLD CUiP FEATURE
Birds should be at the peak
of their game when World Cup
time rolls around again.
This is an annual home and
home series with the University
of California.
Coach Howell will send his
men against U of C on February
25 and 27 in Berkeley.
UBC hosts the southerners in
two games at UBC stadium
March 31 and April 2.
The winner will be decided by
total points on the series.
^Ih&at&h (Jancoumh
Accommodation from 25 to 4,000
^SMORGASBORD
it HOT MEALS
it COLD   BUFFET
it LIGHT REFRESHMENT
Prices ranging from; $1.25 to $3.00 per person including all
IU
JTL
fi  r  L_
6<U*i**l ol SbUtUuUioH. ltd.
5802 FRASER STREET
FAirfax 5-7411 TRinity 6-5143
The B.C. Lions have jumped into the race for Thunderbird
lineman Bill. Crawford's signature	
The New York Giants of the National Football League also
want Crawford. ~
The race began late last week,<^
when    Crawford    stunned    the
local sport world with the announcement that the Giants had
sent him a contract for the 1960
N.F.L. season. It is believed that
this is the first time that an
American pro team has offered
a Canadian college player a contract.
B.C. Lions G.M. Herb Capozzi
phoned Crawford soon after the
news broke. Crawford met with
Capozzi   Saturday,   and  talked
.with him again yesterday. He
may possibly be offered a deal
: With the Lions.
"; Crawford himself said he
would' rather play in the States
'because the football is better
there:" .But of course, money
wil be a big factor in Bill's decision.
GNUiPS WORDS
Thunderbird Coach Frank
Gnup said that Crawford "has
ail the attributes, both physical
and:mental, that go to make a
good pro prospect. But Bill has
to want to make it." Gnup emphasized the words "want" and
"desire" throughout the interview. "He's as good a prospect
as any player the Giants could
get —he's as big (230 pounds)
and as fast (Crawford ran with
the Bird's backs) as most'N.F.L.
offensive linesmen."
Ubyssey "Sports Editor Ernie
Harder talked'with Crawford on
the- phone Sunday. Crawford
said that the Giants had sent him
a letter earlier'in the" year asking him if he would be interested
in playing with them if he were
offered a contract. Bill sent the
Giants a letttef saying he was
interested, and he was sent a
"standard N.F.L. contract."
However, contrary to rumours
Crawford said he had been assured by Capozzi that if he misT
sed with the Giants, he would
be given a tryout here.
BILL LINEMAN
Bill, a fourth year Engineering
student, is graduating this year
and "plans to play football"—
which indicates he has some of
Gnup's "desire." He was a stanct
out lineman, this year, and was
instrumental in the Birds fine
season in which they won the
WCIAU championship. Bill
learned his football at Duke of
Connaught, and with the Vancouver Junior Blue Bombers.
This interest in Canadian College talent is not new. Coach
Gnup say that every year he
gets letters from many of the
American pro teams, requesting
information on outstanding Bird
players. He said that he had
given the Giants the names of
some Birds several years ago—•
including   Crawford's.
The Cqlifornia
Standqrd Company
CALGARY, ALBERTA " ~
offering careers in
PETROLEUM EXPLORATION AND
PRODUCTION
will conduct campus interviews on
January 13, 14 and 15
FOR POST GRADUATES, GRADUATES
AND UNDERGRADUATES IN:
Mining Engineering  Permanent positions only
Mechanical Engineering ..... Permanent positions only
Geological Engineering  Permanent and summer
Honours Geology  Permanent and summer
Physics and Geology   Permanent and summer
ARRANGEMENTS FOR PERSONAL INTERVIEWS
MAY BE MADE THROUGH THE UNIVERSITY'S
NATIONAL EMPLOYMENT OFFICE.
S'? I "S*B,}sf.; .* t »H' 3.4t!»I ? .-. t% il-Mf:.tts
.*:*-<!•:
it.t.i hms .Mi.t s.i ttt- vtfii.iiiiti ?»iv.-«a.xi
if!
ii'ifiii^i^niMan
-i lift* PAGE EIGHT
THE     UBYSSEY
Tuesday, January 12, 196ft
'TWEEN CLASSES
(Continued  from Page 1)
SHAKESPEARE    INTERNATIONAL HOUSE
The. first 200 UBC students
asking for free passes to the
Sir Donald and Lady Wolfitt
presentation of scenes from
Shakespeare will get them if
they say they were sent by Kay
• Rolinson of International House.
Show up at the Seymour box office of the Orpheum Theatre at
8 tonight.
* *     * ,
CARIBBEAN S.A.
General meeting to present
revised constitution Jan. 14 at
12:30 in Bu. 102.
* *     *
VARSITY DEMOLAY
Meets noon Wed. in Bu. 219.
* *     *
N.V.C.
Executive Meeting Wed. noon
in clubroom; General meeting
Thursday noon in Bu. 205.
* *     *.
JAZZ SOCIETY
'   Jazz Week comes up in February.
* *     *
STUDENT WIVES CLUB
Monthly meeting in the Mildred Brock Room, Brock Hall,
Wed. at 8 p.m. Film on aspects
of child -psychology—Prof. Bel-
yea speaker.
■■:' ■■"".•■•-"-•,■   :•'    *   ; * -■ * -■ ■-"">.■:'■■.•■'' ■
FILM SOCIETY
"The Red Badge of Courage"
noon today in the Aud. Admission—series pass or 35c.   *
* *     *
M.A.A.
All managers must attend
MAA meeting Wed.
* *     *
LIBRARY
"How To USE The Library"
one houij lectures in rooms 852
and 859 of the Library: Jan. 11
to 15, 9:30, 11:30, 1:30 and 3:30.
Jan. 16, 9:30 and 11:30.
* *     *
LIBERAL CLUB _.
General meeting noon today,
Bu. 22. Outline for second term
to be presented.
* *    *
FILM SOCIETY
"Storm   over   Asia"   banned
in B.C.—noon today in Aud. admission series pass or 75c. Also
3:30 6 and 8 p.m.
ALPHA OMEGA SOCIETY
Ukranian dancing today in
room 2, Education basement.
entering First Year Nursing
next year are invited to a meeting for information concerning
the program in Westbrook Building, room 201, on Monday, Jan.
18, at 7:30 p.m.
*     *     *
OBNOVA
The first meeting of this term
will toe held  on  Wednesday at
REGISTRATION -
(Continued on Page  8)
certificate as well as the court
date and city in which the papers
were issued.
You may be registered at the
following booths set up daily
from 10:30 a.m. tol:30 p.m. by
the UBC CCF Club!
Tuesday: South Brock, Buchanan, Library.
Wednesday: Cafeteria, Engineering, Education.
Thursday: North Brock, Cafeteria.
Friday: North Brock, Engineering,  Education.
noon in Bu. 216.
All   Ukranian   Catholic   Students   are urged  to attend   this
important meeting.
*     *     *
PRE-MED SOC
Presents Dr. M. Evans, speaking 'on the magnitude of the
problem of Cancer and the new-
ness.of the solution Wednesday,
January 13, in Wesbrook 100 at
12:30.    ,
ROOM FOR RENT
A large warm upper double
room, single beds, private
washroom; Bed and breakfast.    ALma 0751.
FOR RENT
Two  nice  individual rooms
near West Point Grey shopping area are sitting waiting.
Breakfast optional.
Why not investigate?'
AL 2052
IE
CANADA
Employment Opportunities
I960
Representatives of our Company will be conducting
employment interviews on the campus 20th, 21st and 22nd
January and will be glad to discuss our requirements for
regular and summer employment with graduating students
and undergraduates.
Regular Employment—-We have a number of interesting
openings in process, development, maintenance and design
engineering,, technical service, financial and control, .personnel, traffic and research, for graduates in chemical, mechanical and other engineering courses, chemistry, physics, science,
arts, economics, commerce and business administration.
Summer Employment—As assistants to Process, Development and Design Engineers and for vacation relief in accounting, sales and production departments and the chemical
laboratories. Applications for employment are invited from
male students.in the courses and years listed below:
Class of
1961 1962   1963
Chemical Engineering     x        x        x
Mechanical  Engineering     x        x
Electrical Engineering     x       x
Engineering Physics     x
Chemistry (Honours or Major) __    x       x       x
Commerce or Business Admin. _    x        x
Application forms, details of actual openings and interview appointments can be obtained through Colonel J. F.
McLean, Director of Personnel Services.
DU PONT OF CANADA LIMITED
Personnel Division
P.O. BOX 66€i MONTREAL, P. Q.
|                         U.B.C. RADIO BROADCAST SCHEDULE
Time
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Eye Opener
Eye Opener
Friday
8:30
Eye Opener
Eye Opener
Eye Opener
Eye Opener
Music Room
Eye Opener
Eye Opener
Eye Opener
Eye Opener
9:00
Music Room
Music Room
Music Room.
Music Room
10:00
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
10:30
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
Musical
Showcase
11:00
Works of
Masters
Works of
Masters
Works of
Masters
Works of
Masters
Works of
Masters
12:00
Open House
.,  Open House
Open House
Open House
Open House
12:30
Open House
Open House
Open House
Open House
Open House
1:00
Searchlight
Matinee
Searchlight
Matinee
Searchlight
Matinee
Searchlight
Matinee
Searchlight
Matinee
1:30
Matinee
Matinee
Matinee
Matinee
Matinee
2:00
Upbeat
Matinee
Upbeat
Matinee
Upbeat
Matinee
Upbeat
Matinee
Upbeat
Matinee
2:30
Open
Mike
Latinos
Latinos
Latinos
International
Houseparty
3:00
Jazz
Unlimited
Jazs
Unlimited
Jazz
Unlimited
Jazs
Unlimited
Jazz
Unlimited
3:30
Dixieland is
Mr Beet
Dixieland is
My Beat
Dixieland is
My  Beat
Dixieland is
My  Beat
Dixieland is
My  Beat
4:00
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
4:30
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
Carnival
in sound
News on the Hour - Headlines on tbe Half-Hour
1200 Summer Positions 1200
FOR
UNIVERSITY STUDENTS
WITH  THE
Public Service of Canada
$245 to $305 a Month
For  Under-Graduates
Up to $50© a Month
For Graduate Students
Plus travel allowances to and from
positions and, where applicable,
subsistence in the field
Most positions are for students with a background in
Engineering or Science, notably Forestry, Geology and
Agriculture, but some will be drawn from other faculties
as well.
POSTERS,  DETAILS  and  APPLICATION  FORMS  at
UNIVERSITY PLACEMENT OFFICE
CIVIL SERVICE COMMISSION
OFFICES
CLOSING DATE FOR APPLICATIONS JAN. 30th
^tt^tfr&ftg (fijtttqmttg.
IMCORPOHATtD   an MAY IC70b
Opportunity Knocking!
Train for an executive career in Department
Administration and Buying, Display, Personnel Management in one of the Hudson's Bay
Company's six large department stores located
at Winnipeg, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton,
Victoria and Saskatoon.
Male graduates in Commerce, Business Administration and Arts are provided a thorough
Training Program consisting of:
• 4 month induction period covering all major
store functions.
• 2 year lecture course in merchandising,
• Training under an experienced Department
Manager in Sales Management, Buying, Do*
partment Administration.
Retailing with the Bay offers the opporttnv
ity to move ahead quickly to positions of x*»
uponsibility.
Make an appointment note through your
Placement Officer to see our Representative
for full details.
CAMPUS INTERVIEWS ON
JANUARY 27 and 28th
-«m$»0 *?tt3Uivre<iaa sojJJO isoa &<i n«n t*tp puews sb pafWHRiiT . -H>:.-i
MOOBYSSEY
VANCOUVER, B.C.TUESDAY, JANUARY 12, 1960
Farmers FroIic Friday
Ag
gies Rampant
Romping Campus
This is Aggie Week. I
All this week Aggies in Stetsons and Boots will be romping I -
•n the campus.
Tuesday will Taring the Moobyssey, the Aggie paper.
Wednesday will see the Aggies | -
Gelling apples to help the  crip- j
pled children.
Don't forget: an apple a day •.
keeps the doctor away but if I
bought from an Aggie on Wed-.
nesday it will bring needed,
medical aid to those-who at pres-'
ent have little hope of running'
Or playing.
At noon on Wednesday is the ;
monster Machinery Parade with ;
the Aggie Band. Get free milk ]
with your apple, only a limited \
supply Wednesday noon.
Dance or listen to the Aggies i
Band.      Remember,    this   band \
WON'T be playing at FARMERS'
FROLIC, even    we  could    not
stand 64 guitars and a mouth organ.
On Friday Nite is the gigantic;
Farmers' Frolic. Anyone who has :
been to it, whether they be Engineers, Artsmen, or what have ;
you, will tell you that  it's  the
best dance on campus.
Dress is hard times with prizes ;
for the best-dressed couple. See
you all on Friday at the Farm- •
ers. Frolic. ;
That's the word of the
Frolic this coming Friday.
week.    It's the word for the year.   It's the big annual Farmers*
Whither
Twong
By Jj PIERY
Ten thousand students and not
a single Twong Pouch. What
has happened to UBC's own
trademark, the one that made
UBC famous before the Empire
Rowing Crew in 1954?
Gone are the days when at
the General Meetings, 3000 students, tears streaming down their
'faces and their throats choked
with emotion, would sing the
old UBC hymn, "There'll Always be a Twong Pouch."
But UBC has forgotten and
now the Twong Pouch is no
more.
There isn't even a Twong
Pouch in the Museum of Anthropology!
Not even the once gallant
Pubsters have accepted the challenge to return the almighty
Twong Pouch to it's rightful
place: into the hands of every
student and the memories of
every  graduate.
The time once was when practically every student would
shoulder his trusty Twong Pouch
and set off to good old UBC each
morning.
The Twong Pouch carried the
Engineer's beer, the Lawyer's
books, the Artsman's lollipops,
even the Pubster's typewriter
safe and sound through thick and
thin with never a bit of trouble
For years the Twong Pouch
Wbs compulsory equipment on
(Continued on Pag* 4
Scientist Needs
Sufferers Burp
i
See WHITHER
If you've been here before you don't have  to be told what it's like — but if you haven't, ~
then get a hold of the little woman and bring her to the Armories this Friday night.
You won't regret it and neither will she.    Look at the following features:
Dancing from 9.00 p.m. to 1.00 a.m. |;  '
A swinging 6-piece orchestra.
The West Indian Limbo Dance at half time. '        *'
Refreshment counter — and an opportunity for a really good time. x
The price is - a reasonable
$2.50 per couple.
The music is superb, the at»
mosphere friendly and informal.
The dress is hard times.    All
that is necessary    is    that    you
comply   with   the  laws   of  the
land   regarding  decency, of  exposure at a university function.
Please do not expect admittance    at    the    regular    rate
unless   this   condition  is   met.
I     Prizes   are   awarded  for . th« ,
| most original dress (or lack of it)
| and for the most comical attire.
SPIRITED FUN
Everyone including Artsmen, ..
Engineers, Foresters and Commercemen (to name only a few)
enjoy the frolic. Former animosities are forgotten and rivalries disappear (well, almost), as
everyone rises to the spirit(s)
(liquid?) of the occasion.
The occasion demands only
one thing — that you "get in
there'' and enjoy yourself.
The big new feature of the
frolic this year is the inclusion
of the Trinidadian dance group
known as "TRINIDAD PRIMI-
TIF." These fellows put on a
really tremendous show. A
tribute to their showmanship is
the fact that they have done
repeat performances at the
hotels Vancouver and .Georgia,
as well as many other notable
places. They do such intricate
dances as the LIMBO, BONGO,
DANCE OF STRENGTH. The
music is provided by their own
drummers.
The Farmers' Frolic in conjunction with Aggie week is almost a traditional function, on
campus. Ever since 21 B.C.
this campus has had a Farmers'
Frolic dance. -
HAIRY TIME
It is during this week that the
Aggies are host to the rest of
the campus.
How long is it since you have
"let your hair down" and really
had a good time?. Why not come
to the Armouries Friday night
for a truly fantabulous time.
Tickets can be obtained from
any Aggie and at various points;
throughout the campus.
See you at the frolic on
Friday night.
THE TRINIDAD PFTMATIF, will be the half time entertainment at the Farmers'Frolic
on Friday the 15th of January. The members of this group from the British West Indies
are students at the University. Drummers are, Felix Assoon and Rudy Richards. Not
shown Ron Rodgers.  Dancers.  Clinton Solomon and Lawrence Douglas,
Your Best
For Barf
Barf, an insidious disease of the stomach, and a common malady of student residences
at UBC, is under intensive study at the Animal Nutrition Laboratory here.
Aggie scientists at UBC believe that it is caused by a deficiency of one of the necessary
components of the human diet, apples.
WHAT AM I?
The answer to that question
can win one of the tremendous prizes to be given away
at tne frolic. Come and see
the above - object. , Guess
■what it represents., and .win
aoe.df tJie big prizes, ■
Most important evidence to
date is the fact that Barf incidence is sharply reduced at UBC
for a short period in the winter,
after Aggie Apple Day, and that
compulsive apple munchers seldom contract the disease.
Aggie investigators in co-operation with the Siam School of
Medicine are attempting to develop a test for Barf by passing
stomach gasses through a gas
chromatograph.
SPECIMENS NEEDED
At present the research has
been hindered by a lack of test
material. Persons who wish Jo
assist this research progrsm are
asked to present themselves a*
the Animal Nutrition Lab between 4:00 a.m. and 5:30 a.m.
any Sunday morning.
The   only  reliable   treatment
for Barf  is  a  constant  diet  of
apples.
APPLE   CURE
UBC's. Barf sufferers will be
thankful to -know that Aggie
Apple Day is .at hand. Apples
may be obtained for a small donation, towards the- Crippled
Children's ..Hospital^     :
Prayer Of A Faithful Aggie
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the .Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I've only five requests to make.
Physiology books — put at my head,
TeLl Dr. Kitts I died in bed.
Poultry diseases — put at my feet,
Tell Prof. Biely they had me beat
' Agroajaiy — put across my chest,
Tell Dr. Brink — I'd have passed, the test.
And beer stained pages put beneath one arm,
Tell my Prof's I meant no harm.
Put Chem 300 the other side,  .   .
And teH the Deait "I'm glad I .died".        (ANON,.). PAGE TWO
MOO B Y S S E Y
TUESDAY, JANUARY 12. 198»
THE MOOBYSSEY
MEMBER BETTER BARNS ASSN.
(Permissable as (w) rapping for L.C.B. water)
Published once in a blue moon by those higher men an
campus — the* AGGIES.    Opinions are not necessary.    Born
and raised on the second floor of the beef barn over a twong
pouch of jungle juice.   Do not telephone.
Business office: Poultry 2000.
EDITOR, MIKE (The Sheriff) RAYNOR
Assistant Editor, Harold Steves.    AUS President, A. Cornwall
Reporters and Desk:—Pat Gibney, Jerry Pine, Sue March,
Bernie Papkie, Ross (the Rock) Husdon, Tom Nisbett.
Pastels
Dean Blythe Eagles
B.A., M.A., Ph.D., FC.I.R.
F.R.S.
Dean of the Aggie Faculty
Science In Agriculture
Food has always been the primary necessity of life. In the
present rapid evolution of an industrial world society, adequate
attention to the problems concerned with food production and
disti-ibution is essential to the achievement of social stability.
• We must accelerate the pace of scientific development in agriculture if we are to meet this challenge.
Industrialization is a vital
and ever growing part of the
pattern of agriculture.
Agriculture must be adapted to play its role as a
part of a very dynamic, highly technical, rapidly changing
economy.
' ' "The pattern 01 progress
calls for a combination of the
applications of science to the
practical problems of production in order to give assurance
of performance and to gain a
greater voice at the market
place.
There must be an even
greater   integration   of   farm
(supply, farm production and food processing than we have yet
been able to evolve. More attention must be paid to tne integration and management of. our resources. We must place
greater emphasis on the education of highly skilled farmers,
farm technicians and agricultural scientists.
The increasing complexity of modern agriculture requires
that increasing attention be given to problems of human relations within the agricultural industry.
Modern agriculture requires highly trairfed personnel to
put into practice the new industrial dimensions provided by
research". We should never permit ourselves to be diverted
from emphasizing the research challenge.
The pace of progress in agriculture, is in the last resort, set
by the quality of the people who work in it and for it.
. BLYTHE A. EAGLES,
Dean of Agriculture
- EXODUS -
Periodically we hear a great hue and cry from the Press
that Canada is losing it's best men and women to the U.S.A.
We would like to know why they shouldn't leaye this country
if they see fit.
Anyone who delves into the subject will soon discover
much to his patriotic indignation that Canada just isn't able
to support its intelligensia.
Just how many backwoods bushwhackers are interested
in "a bunch of educated fools"?   We'll wager not many.
No one in his right mind can condemn an intelligent person, who has probably beat his head against Canadian indifference to education far too long to have much remaining
appetite for it, for heading south of the border where he will
at least be appreciated.
On a strictly dollars and cents level, there are not too
many critics who would still be here if they could hire out
for more somewhere else. Patriotism wears mighty thin
when money is involved, and why shouldn't a person get more
for his talents- elsewhere if he can ? People who would gag
initiative by stuffing a flag down someone's throat are doing
society a disservice.
Let's face it. Canadians are going to seek greener pastures elsewhere as long as their countrymen only provide
them with existences.
Perjiaps a continued exodus of university graduates will
eventually wake up this country into realizing that higher
education must be provided for, and liberally.
Brown horse waits for death
eyes closed and head down
head down and weight of bones
shifting after a time
from hoof to tired hoof.
Eye lids down and rump to
Biting  snow.
•The  last  old  horse on the last
piece of earth.
Give it up and turn your face
into the weather-and die.
You stand on valuable land.
We are the pastels of progress
we have come to watch you die
we are the pink houses and
the blue houses and the
yellow houses'
and the beam-and-rafters
and the hard-tops and the
split-levels and the'
pink and powder blue.
We have come creeping and
crowding, crawling
around your last field
to see you die.
Tail to wind-whipped snow
you dream your dreams
in the morning with the sun
it will be warm and green again.
But we surround you* field
to see you die.
You are standing on expensive
building lots old horse and
any way you can't turn
your tail to us.
So be a good fellow and
don't stand around too long.
■.This poem is by an Arts friend
not  an  Agsiel
PRAISE
RISE AND FALL
Western democracies have pondered for the last four decades whether or not the Soviet Union posed as great a threat to
their existence as it would often have them believe.
Only fairly recently has it be-	
come apparent that the Communists have shifted the emphasis from the military to the social and economic attack.
The longer we associate Communist strength with military
might the longer we will overlook their actual advantage over
us, that of an over-riding sense
of- responsibility to the state.
This sense of responsibility
has enabled the Russians and
now the Chinese to lift themselves., up by their own bootstraps. Education and research
receive attention that is astounding by North American standards.
From an economic standpoint
the Soviets have it made. While
we strike and squabble over
wages, scream for efficiency
sapping subsidies and invite inflation, the Communists adhere
to planned economies which
have and which will likely continue to enable them to capture
our markets.
In our democracies we are
free to pursue our pleasure and
a higher standard of living
while we sink deeper and
deeper into a cesspool of material greed. The Iron and Bamboo curtain countries on the
other hand are girding themselves for the eventual conflict, be
it military, economic or social.
Observers in China have noted
a frightening degree of individual obedience in the interest of
national policy. It is inconveiv-
able that the Chinese with their
enviable persistence will not
someday become a major if not
the primary world power if
given able leadership and Western indifference to their accomplishments.
Since a democracy places the
responsibility for financial well
being, government participation, and acceptance of differing
social or religious groups largely up to the individual, there is
little or no concrete policy in
these areas of conduct.
It is a tribute to ■ the masterminds who patterned the Com-
unist means of attack in a manner so subtle that the West
could sabotage itself without
being aware of its danger
At present we show no interest in being taken advantage of
in this way. We are too busy
getting more money, leisure and
flaccid. The parallel between
us and the Roman civilization is
shocking.
We may see fpr ourselves
Stalin's belief come true— that
the West would fall from inner
corrosion.
There are more than twenty-
seven fields of study open to the
Student   of   Agriculture.
Letters to Um Editor
The   VANCOUVER   SUN
"B.C.'s Home Newspaper"
Dear Aggies:
Glad to hear there are still
people devoted to intellectual
research who are pursuing the
elusive twong pouch legend.
As far as I remember, its birth
came as one of those little fillers used to plug tiny holes ia
the Ubyssey, in the "goon"
edition of 1954.
This paper Was a satire on
the (then) 'three Vancouver
dailies and the fillers were also
supposed to be take-offs on the
type of "Statistics show 45,678
ton's of bauxite was mined in
British Guiana in 1876" type
of thing you find in a paper.
The twong pouch item read,
in its entirety: "Twong pouches
' used by Elsodome natives, are
fashioned     from     rhinocerous
scrotums by the village elders."
This, for some reason, was
greeted with cries- of delight
and hysteria by a goodly portion of the populace and soon
we were running features such
as "How to Build Your Own
Twong Pouch," advertisements
for Twong Pouch Weaving
Classes, etc. Authors Sandy
Ross and Rod Smith arrived
at that year's Mardi Gras
dressed as twong pouches, and
looked about as obscene as it
sounds.
Rod is still in the medical
faculty at UBC and could perhaps enlighten you further.
Sandy is presently scrouging
in garbage cans in Paris and
no doubt spreading the twong
pouch gospel further afield.
Hope this provided some insight into this important field.
Yours for research,
ALLAN  FOTHERINGHAM,
*      *       *
PROGRESS
Editor,
The Moobyssey,
Dear Sir:
Is it me or has the campus
undergone a subtle change. A
few short years ago pubsters
chased pretty girls around the
campus quaffing beer as they
ran, or took delight in swimming the lily pond. Now all
is quiet in the North Brock
basement. Even Jim McFar-
lan no longer dwells there. The
ghosts qf Sandy Ross and other
past Editors have shrivelled!
and died. Now even a dog is
news.
On the other side of th«
campus there Is another deathly stillness.
No longer do we hear the
screams from the Engineering
Building. In the Common
Room of the Forestry Undergrad Society, CHESS has taken
the olace of Stuke. In the Aggie
Building where the halls formerly echoed with "I'll see
your 10 and raise you two
bits"; they now listen as some
burley cowboy whispers, "I bid
three no trump".
No longer does the turf seeth
with wrestling, shouting, grinning foemen in the blue, green
and red sweaters.
Even in the cafes we see
fraternization among the former foes. The Pub office does
not know what a Redshirt
looks like. Soon the former
MEN of the campus will become as the Artsmen.
I do not know whether this
is a blessing or a curse. True
we are fast on the way to becoming one of the "Halls of
Ivy", but are we losing our
Espirit de Cour." Would it
not be better to see a full general meeting than gentlemen
with filter tipped cigarettes. I
can only end with a quote:—
"My god we're civilized."
— A REBEL
COMPLAINTS
Dear Sir:
I've heen hearing about this
horrid affair that you College
people call the Farmers' Frolip
from my little girl who is in
H. Ec. If it is anything like it
is reported to be, I think the
Faculty of Agriculture should
be moved to Dawson Creek,
where people are supposed to
go in for that sort of thing.
Such a move would protect
innocent little girls like my
Joanie from these drunken
farm people. I will have you
know that my little darling
made her debut at Lord Nelson's Balldast year and I won't
have her social standing ruined by such an obscene spectacle.
Yours indidpantly,
Miss I. D. Loveto,
Dawson Crik. TUESDAY, JANUARY 12. 1960
MOOBYSSEY
iPAGE THREE
I Was An Aggie
Agent On Council
By ROCK HUDSON
I have always been a good Aggie.    That's why it gets me.   I can't speak to my friencs
(because they won't talk to me.)    Even my family thinks I'm a dirty Council Member. But
really, I'm a good Aggie. ^
; Each Monday, when I go to our little U. S.C. cell meeting, I shudder when I think cf
j what would happen to the campus if these djabolical, fanatic, greedy, cheating, etc., etc., etc.,
; people took over.
"Ah,   Marge,  I  see  you  have'     "Shurtainly,   doll,     thish
REDBEARD, one of the master spies employed by the
Aggies, shown in his usual habitat. Jeri'y is famous for
his quick change ability. He can change from Artsman to
Engineer at a moment's notice. Not shown is Jerry's
beautiful partner, Gail, who has milked more out of UBC
than any other of her type.
Like last week, when comrade  ,-.„„,„,, ,    0    , T   ,    . „    ,
Marge Magothellofattofski came ■ Co"fad* Ro<* ™«i you. Is he ; Rock c„ manage aw right."
up to me and breathed "Hello, ; £*„%t0 undertake the °Pera" i 1 ^clded <io ««<» out what ox
Comrade Rocky." (God! What
a woman. If we only had women like that!)—I returned her
burning gaze with my silent cold
eyes. In a flat monotone I answered,. "Good morning. Com-
raded.".   (God! What a woman!)
BRAINWASHED
She slunk up to me and put
her arms around my neck—but
I wasn't interested. I knew she
(God! What a woman!) was working for the councillors. She had
been properly brainwashed—at
one time she would have made
a good Aggie, or maybe several
goodd Aggies—but now she was
Two Years In
Agent Tells
EUS
All
eration Z was—but I had to be
"Plan    Y"    I repeated in my J careful, she must not suspect I
dull   monotone,   not   letting   oniam really the hero.
that I didn't know what plan Y '     "Whash. oprashun Z, Doll?"' I
was. asked in my dull, flat monotone
"Yes. Plan Y—the extermina- (smilling with my pepsodent
tion of Bill Rodent-chuck. He's ,teeth but not with my cold fishy
dangerous to our cause." jeyes.)
"O.K., but how do I fit in?"   '     "Oh, Rocky, honey, you're so
"Your job is to get him into.siHy.    Operation Z is getting the
the   north   basement  and     then '. councillors    into    the    Farmer';;
the   Provda   writers  will   see  to ! Frolic."
it  that  he  is  run   through  the ;    "Thash O.K., just wanned see
Provda     presses    and     if    that jjl y°" knew.    Thash all."
doesn't   impress   him   with   the j     Armed  with   this   vital   info,
truth,  nothing will." | which I had carefully extracted
"O.K.," I said and with Marge 'from Marge. I slid her off my lap
in   hot,   hot,   pursuit,  I   set   outjar>d started  out at a fast crawl
a real  party  girl  (what  a doll)  to lure Rodent-chuck to the base-i for  the  Brock.     It would have
so I wasn't Interested. ment     T knew his usual haunts, j taken hours if Marge (God! What
She   breathed   into     my   ear  j checked the nurses' residence,'a woman!) hadn't insisted on car-
(that's why my hair is singed on   t-he   girls,   dorrrrS]   the   Belmont J rying me.
one   side)   "Rock,   honey,   can   I   the Dufferin, and I finally found j     My crafty brain was formulat-
call you  Comrade," hjm   on   the  steps  of tJle  Mary \inS a plan—at all costs, I had to
Still in my flat monotone, I Bollert Hall. He was sitting j stoP thi« invasion of our sacred
snapped (but she got away) . . . ; there holding a shepherd's crook, j orgy- My plan had to work.
"Sure, Marge." (I decided to and serenading the girls with a i Marge dragged me into the
play-along with her—the doll), harmonica blending the Ehgi-'back room again. She held me
While she was chewing on my lneers song and Mary Had a Lit- i on her lap while I made my report.    She was sure helpful con-
By BERNIE PAPKE
(From the Secret Files of the A.U.S.)
-vr ^ t_    x  u     in      a.       i t u l-   «j --  ~    ear, she asked me to come with Ui„ t q™u
Now it can be told.    For two long years I have lived ma.,'        ..      , .        ,     , . ,<ue Lamo.
,,,,,, ner   to   the   big   wheel   council |
disgusting part of the campus inhabited by ungodly apes in red , meeting that night ■ RATCATCHING
sweaters. "Mummmm,   vou're   so   nice, I    "Hl there' Bill," I said, flash-
The chief knew of mv strong stomach and that's why I was ; Comrade,"   she  murmured.      (I • mg. ^ pepsodent teeth. "Come
given the job.
"Bernie," he told me. "we
have a tough assignment for
you. For the next two years
you must live with the engineers."
For two long years I was only
permitted to go out with (ugh!)
nurses. I had to simulate passing out along with the rest of
the redshirts after four beers.
My clothes consisted of jeans,
tee shirts, and that (ugh!) red
sweater. My posture was to be
slumped, my gait shambling,
and I was forced to consult that
god of those aboriginees, the
slide-rule, before every move.
IGNORANT RALLIES
These ignorant' savages are
forced to attend gigantic rallies
every so often for the purpose
of hearing the Godiva hierarchy
present their twisted version of
the campus news.
The official newspaper of this
heinious crew further distorted
the facts.
After two years my assignment was complete. I found
out the terrible secrets of the
Red Bunch. In my report they
are as follows:
1. The great demand for engineers comes from a shortage
of supply in the mysterious East.
Great quantities of them are
employed as harem guards. As
the personnel officer for the
great potentate, the Myoptic-
Maharaja said: "We don't even
need to operate on them. They
don't know anything about the
subject anyway."
2. Godiva, the goddess of the
Engineers,   was     so     disgusted
'with them that she escaped-one
night and became a member of
the  Aggie  women.    She   is   at
.present.married to an Aggie and
has  13  chikJi'en.    Her name is
and   she   lives   in
had her eating out of my hand.)
Then she (God! What a woman!)
planted anotrler burning kiss on
(I took her cigarette
CENSORED
CENSORED
3. Top capacity for engineers ! my  lips,
is 3.5 pints of beer. Any  more1 away after that.)
is water tinted with caramel.       , HEADQUARTERS-
4. Engineers without a com- We got to the big meeting
plete set of blueprints, a about 7 o'clock. It was a grubby
slipstick, and without a pre- < looking joint on the East side,
formed kit, cannot build any- ', called Brock Hall. (They were
thing (e.g. chariots for the last i fronting as a college shop and
four years). greasy spoon  diner.) Marge led
me to a back room but it must
have been the wrong-one because
it was full of people. I couldn't
recognize anybody, because they
were all wearing black robes (it
looked like a chapter of the Klu
At last, now I'm free, I can Klux Klan that didn't use Tide.)
walk upright in that proud blue i The big guy at the end of the
sweater, drink 63 beers before table, Comrade Meekison, I think
breakfast and father great quan- ! they called him, looked at Marge,
tities    of    children.    Now then at me, then back at Marge
5.    The only engineer with at
least half a brain was Sultannt,
who   when  realizing what   type
of crowd he was in, called them I
all SHEEP.
sidering she was so drunk.
"Rock, honey, what about operation Z?"
"Oh, that." I said in my usual
monotone, and turning my unsmiling eyes on the assembley
of councillors added, "be my
guests."
T ,   . . , ...     Marge turned out to be a Home
I managed to catch  up within,,  „. , .     .. . ,   ...
• ..  i...^ „ ...  i—.j *,.. t>—   Ec- Sirl ln disguise and although
I am still not interested, we are
quick, come quick, there's five
cases of beer, a bottle of etho-
nol and three nurses stashed
away in the north basement of
the Brock.
I'M AN AGGIE.
(God' What a woman!)
him just as he entered the Pra
vada office and I turned him
over to the press head, Comrade
White.
Plan Y was complete. Marge
congratulated me for several
hours, but I wasn't interested so
I got up and went back to the
meeting.
The councillors were chuck- <
ling as I broke into their regu- j
lar Monday night joke sessipn. j
I made my report and Marge j
wanted to congratulate me again, j
but there were too many people
around and, anyway, I wasn't
interested. |
i     I was then assigned to carry ,
! out plan  Z.     I  decided to find j
i out more about operation  Z so ]
11 steered Marge out of the meet- •
j ing and into a little "speakeasy" ;
located   under   the,- auditorium. I
| (One   flight  down   and  ask   for:
Norm.)     This joint  was  in  thei
Greek Quarter and was a Council stronghold.    It's so strong, in j
fact, that most of the comrades j
go  by  two  or  three  letters  in-;
stead f names. * I
RYE ON ROCKS j
I ordered a couple of drinks I
i at   the   bar  and   brought   them i
back to the table.   "Well, here's;
; mud in your cup," said-Marge.;
i downing her drink in one gulp. !
j I got  her another drink,  I fig-;
| ured a few more and she would j
! reveal  everything   (even   opera- j
; tion Z).    I was playing it cool j
—while  Marge  was  kissing  l'il
| old disinterested me, I was trading my cups for her empties. She
had 67 to my four and was becoming talkative. "Rock, honey,
do you really think you can handle operation Z?"
getting married. We have to,
for the sake of the seventeen
little monsters we are going to
have.
SCRATCH PAD
NARROW MINDED
ARTSMEN PAGE FOUR
M O O B Y S S E Y
TUESDAY, JANUARY 12, 198«
The photos show the reclamation work being carried out
by the A.U.S. Bill Skerrett, a refugee from war-torn
Ontario was found in pain and suffering under the library
stairs. After calming his fears 4hey took him in and gave
him a home. The photo on the left shows Bill as he was
found. The photo on the right shows Bill well on the road
to moral recovery.
The method used to remove the brainwashing that he re
ceived in the East is that of making him feel at home.
This was accomplished by teaching him how to play bridge
and introducing him to girls. The last proved most difficult
as in Ontario the frigid weather has caused all to dress
alike in mukluks and parkas. Bill has now reached the
stage where he can drink 10 glasses of nourishment before
passing out, but he still has a tendency to trump his
partner's ace. *
Booze And Broads At UBC
A freshman came to the campus,
To get a higher learning,
He dreamed of campus cuties,
For beer his heart was yearning.
First he was an artsman,
But Arts he found was dead.
Then engineering was his goal.
But he loathed that body red.
Then Forestry, the woodenheads,
His heart was full of splinters,
Then commerce with its Ivy League,
Then Law, its heart of winters.
But in all of these dead faculties
His heart was sorely troubled,
Heads they need, not brains he found.
And his problems he redoubled.
For women loathed these weaklings
And he drank his beer'alone,
For none of them would drink the stuff
'Cept redshirts with a moan.
Then his eye is gladdened
And his cup he quickly drains,
For Blue sweatered and Stetsoned Aggies
Have beer and dolls and brains.
For here he found his kindred
Sharp and tough and wise
With their beautiful companions
Of the soft and limpid eyes.
And beer then was no problem
For if it was not strong
They left the pub in anger
They'd brought their own along.
Twong
Pouch
Found
I      Professor  Beely.     UBC's    re-
j nowned poultry scientist, recently found an ancient twong pouch
while  he  was sorting  feed bags
j in   the  Poultry  Buildings.
1 "I thought it was a small duffel bag until I saw it in the
light." he said.
Dr. Beely stated that it was
the first twong pouch he had
seen for seven years and that ha
believed it had originally been
used for collecting eggs.
"I have already been offered
more than a month's salary for
it," he chuckled.
Negotiations are in progress
to have the twong pouch display"
ed at the Farmers' Frolic, an
Aggie council member stated.
"Yes, Mom, I had a wonderful time at the frolic last nite"
Rubber Cheque
I was a Teamster for the Aggies
Part Four of a Seven Part Serial
j (Synopsis)
! Our hero has got a job at the UBC Dairy barn as a manure
spreader operator and has successfully infiltrated the Teamsters.   Although in the foreman's disfavour the first day, he is
now well liked.
Part IV
"Say kid, like to come- to a
party?" the boss said.
I said, "Okay by me."
He said, "meet me at the barn
at eight tonight."
I arrived at the barn on time
and found him shuffling about
repeating, "I just can't wait."
Shortly, a huge tractor trailer
diesel marked Royal Canadian
Shrews pulled into the yard.
Tiny rushed over to the trailer,
yanked a lever that opened a
door, let down a ladder, and
tumbled a semi-naked babe into
his arms.
She screeched, "I just lean on      The  new  Coat   of   Arms   for
this door and the   damn   thing UBC shows a Twong Pouch Ram
tiles opert; Tmeee, your open."  pant-on. a field of blue.   It-was
(To be continued) - proposed*, by-   Cal--  Drier
Rubber Cheque, the only rubber tycoon from' Brazil to
graduate from Agriculture at UBC, was recently featured in
the Manoes Rubber Planter for his exceptional success at
growing rubber.
When Rubber attended Aggie
everybody knew him as the inventor of the prophylactic guaranteed to be unsafe every time.
It was Rubber's answer to Brazil's unpopulated jungles.
Rubber returned to Brazil and
set about planning the largest
rubber plantation in the world.
As luck would have it World
War II broke out and the price
of rubber stretched like a worn
out girdle. Rubber was on top
of the world until the price sagged during the great rubber recession. Synthetic rubber was
making its inroads.
All of a sudden the rubber
plantation workers went on
strike, and it looked as though
our friend was in for a long
stretch of bad luck. The workers were incensed over the fact
that Rubber Cheque's perfectly
good rubber cheques (began to
bounce at the bank as a result
of the rubber recession.
It never rains but it pours in
Brazil and one day Rubber was
flooded out by a tropical deluge.
A month later, there was a big
drought and to top it all off the
Pubs closed and as Rubber said
"it was really dry."
The war ran out and so did
the money, but then a wonderful thing happened; termites undermined Rubber's house and it
fell down.
Just as Rubber's legs were at
their rubberiest he happened to
notice that the termites were
invading . his : beloved rubber
plantation. •.■Upon- close- o-bser-r
vati.on. he /happened   te   notice
that when termites drilled holes
in his trees the trees yielded
five times as much rubber.
Things were looking up and
so did Rubber only to find that
his trees had contracted Twong
pouch gall, a strange fungi that
forms a mycelium in the shape
of a pouch. Far from getting
worried he simply had the trees
infected with Twong pouch gall
immediately below the termite
holes with the result that the
latex ran into the pouch.
Not only did Rubber produce
a completely new product, rubberized Twong pouches, but he
was able to lay off half of the
rubber gathering crew that had
never really forgiven ■ him for
the bouncing cheques.
Rubber became wealthy very
rapidly and is now an honored
member of the Rubber Club, a
pliable Brazilian society.
Moral: Don't be afraid to
stretch your imagination.
— J. PIRIE
CLASSIFIED
WANTED — Rood, at New
Westminster, small, comfortable. Phone ALma 4600. Local
600. ask for AL.
■ WANTED — Lessons in beer
drinking. We supply beer. Apply EUS office.   ,
FOUND—One purple twong
pouch with "51 . Austin inside.
■Owner can claim, by identifying.
WHITHER TWONG
(Continued from Page  1)
the Football Teams. Maybe that's
why the Birds don't win any
more.
MURDER
But something terrible happened.
Admittedly the Twong Pouch
was surrounded by a leery aura.
Some people even said that the
witch doctors of Southern Rhodesia had hexed them.
They became increasingly unpopular after the Vice-President
of the A.M.S. was found strangled one night in the strings
of his Twong Pouch, held fast
by a mysterious knot that could
not be undone.
The case was never solved.
Then somebody discovered
brief cases, newfangled contraptions that snapped closed on unsuspecting wrists at the drop of
a Frat pin.
Somehow people also thought
brief cases looked more dignified. ;
LAST STAND
Fearing student hysteria and
the loss of revenue from the
Twong Pouch sales monopoly
held by the College Shop, tha
A.M.S. president sent an emissary to Southern Rhodesia to
confer with the distributors
He was, if possible, to have
an audience with the tribal
chiefs who manufactured the
Pouches and retained the secret
waterproofing formula which
helped make the Twong Pouch
famous.
The emissary apparently succeeded but, alas, brief cases had
become the rage during his absence and remain so to this day.
WHITHER  TWONG?
Shall we ever see the intrepid
Twong Pouch once more on cam- *
pus?
This writer thinks so. for who
but the most fainthearted can
resist .the allure of the Twong
Pouch legend' Their call of the
wilds of the Dark Continent?
Their pungent aroma that not
even the chemical engineers
could duplicate, and most important their low price, only £1
3s at any Central African post
of the British East India Company.
"LOST—Small article at Aggie
banquet. Finder please contact. B. Wttloughbyy Ksq, before
Friday.'
A gold poke is not necessarily
a twong pouch, but., a twong
pouch is -a goal poked.

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