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UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Feb 18, 1954

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'Non Illigitimo. Carborundum"
This year's episode of the Engineer's Ball will be dedicated
to the Greek and Roman God of
Wine. For this reason it will
be remembered by all posterity
Revelry will be carried on
for two nights (the 24th and the
25th of February) and all participants will have something to
tell their grandchildren (and
probably several things not to
tell them.)
Our Patron Saint Lady Go-
diva will watch over the festivities from her lofty perch on the
winged horse Pegassus. (bor-
rosved especially for thf occasion1 and will expect all Engineers to live up to their reputations, that is, show the rest
•ot the campus how ,i Ball should
be   run.
The first  invocation will commence at 9 o'clock: by 1:_0. those
who have not already succumbed   to   the   power  of   Morpheus
will move on to other fields.
This will be a couple of nights
to remember. So don't forget
you've got a date — for the
Engineer's Ball and a night with
Price 5c: No. 33
Prove that Our Pacific
Blotz, Dufton and friend
celebrate addition of famous Royal Roads' cannon
to collection of EUS trophies;
Mather's Nightcap
Why I didn't write this—
Was going to write some
little thing for here but decided
not to do it — I saw what
happened to the Home Economics (firis . . . They wrote some
little things for here and about
one half of them were thrown
out as being neither homey
nor economical. Not good
enough, was the harsh phrase
used.  I   think.
If 10 Home Ee girls are not
good enough to make this grade
what chance has one Alma Ma-
fi-her'.' (Engineering problem),
can   see   my   article   here
Proof that the vaunted Pacific Coast defences are pracrrcally
useless was shown Saturday night when a group of UBC Engineers
broke into Royal Roads Tri-Services College near Victoria and "borrowed" a 400-pound cannon.
The cannon, representing all the tradition   which Royal Roads is based on. now rests safely i
in the Engineering common room. j
The cream of Canada's future military le aders  slept   soundly   while   four  Enineers,   the!
"scum of the earth", according to our estimable  Ubyssey,  pulled one of the  bravest coups in J
the history of Canadian university life. i
The Engineers (not "Applied Science students". Mr. Foth- j
eringham)   left  Vancouver Saturday afternoon by  RED  Ball
ferry.    They reached Royal Roads College, termed the finest j
military academy in the country, early Sunday morning.
While the future officers of the Canadian Army, Air Force;
|and Navy, snored in their bunks, FOITR Redshirts boldly walked i
| past armed guards,  ripped the beautifully   polished  brass cannon!
| from its mountings, and spirited it over the fence of CANADA'S
Before the Engineers audaciously'carted their trophy past the
Wins By
12 Votes
| by MICHAEL  AMES       '
Ubyssey Election Reporter
<     Two of the closest election bat*
j ties   in  AMS    election     history
; highlighted       the   election   of
| second slate officers Wednesday.
Winners of slate two are Ro
bert Bray, Law 1, treasurer: Ron
'Longstaffe. Arts 2, first member-
at-large; Diane Driscoll, Phys Ed.
3, president Women's Undergraduate Society: Robt  Brady. Com-
, meree   3.   president   Men's   Athletic Directorate.
Diane Driscoll nosed out opponent Kay Salter for president
of Women's Undergraduate Society by an all-lime low of two
Driscoll polled 284, while Sailer, who picked up ;hree hallo''}
oy  the recount, polled 282
roads with filthv oil smear?
The bumD-oroviding, roughton-
Who   is   the   man   designs   our
Dumps  with   judgment,  skill   RCMP station down  the road,  they also removed a shabby sign
and dare'.' designating Roval Roads as the proving mound for Mr. St. Lau-
Who   is   the   man   that" builds   rcnt,iliv brass "
them and keeps them  in re- --.,," ,  .    ■      t. ,,D~       .,     ,   , . j .
,,;,,,•< , The lowly proletariat  trom  UBC.  with shabby  red sweaters
Who has to shut them down be-   in  place of the braid  and  brass  button* which usually  decorate
cause  the  valve seats  clisap    the  hallowed  ground  of  Royal  Roads,   were  never   in  danger  of i
detection as they lingered long enough to "borrow"  the specially
Wosks ■
>rd to get
student  of Ei
'lOW   .
(Big  White  Space Savin*.
This Big Wh.te Spae,-
Reserved   for
Boys — 1 cannot affc
tin-own   out  of  here
[< might be catching
So I  will  write  nothm-   mv-
;;;Vn" lenci°^« n>tie,h.ng
;lt   *«»   at.om.   time   wr.ten
'■■>   a university
'<  '* stiU p,vtty W000i
VV,ii'-,nS;^n,an wh°'»clrawa
"re'      '   ove"-»'h>g  you  de-
Kr»'» » fans-Atlantic liner to ,
.   ™. made  o,   „-(„,.'  l0'<
u '.. "V,d •inds" ■•'»•«■■-
'V   ;il,d  "buls"   t„  make  Ins
t meauuiB   clear"
''ll!'    u'ork-disd.iiinno      .,.,.    ,.,..
consim.tinc; kxgineei:.
^ !l"     luilld.s     a      !M ;,i      |,..-     |.|( v
> oars, thai  d:-o :>' >••.■ "-  ."   : u n
I'hei:    ch.iliL'i -     h' ■      ■:''■■ :' "
Dra r.
The   beariua-wearing.   gearing- .....    , ■■      ..
tearing titled canv'as cover  tor  the cannon.
MB'CHANICAL   ENGINEER <~*lu' Scienceman,  ignoring the warnings of his mates, slipped
Who maks  his  iuice tor half a right up to the window  of CANADA'S WEST POINT and chalked
cent  and   wants   to  charge  a on  the glass,  in  lurid  red   ink,     BARL'  WAS  HERE."
d i in e " ______^^___________________^__^______^_____________
Who.   when   we've   signed   the-
contract    can't   deliver   halt
the tins'.'
Who   thinks   a   loss   of   twenty
Dercent  is nothing queer'.'
The volt-inducing, load - reducing
Who   is   it.   that   takes  a   transit
out to find a sewer to tap"
Who    then    wih    care   extreme
locates   the   junction   on   the
Who is it that goes to dig it up
and finds it nowhere near"
The mud >-  besnotled. torn-avid-
Who   thinks   without   his   pro
ducts we would all be in the
Who has a  heathen   ;dol  which
he    designates.       Research""
Who tints  the creeks,  perfuines
Ihe  air.  and   makes  the   Innd-
scane drear'.'
The   odour-evolving,   grass   dis
m>1\ inc.
(■]it.'aik■ \i   t.'\c"infer
Contrary to erroneous reports iifuv. Blood Drive Officials.
Engineers gushed .gallons in the recent U.B.C. blood drive to
lead all other groups on the campu>. The faulty tabulation was
due in part to the big-hearted Redshirts who bled under bogus
names for the un inspired Comniercemen The Commerce Boys
are holding back until 'ike price is right. Several gallon... trom
Engineers  were  rejected  because  of  high  alcohol  content.
The Engineer's valiant response lo the drive inspired Forestry
and Pharmacy to end up near the top Nurses bled well but the
Home Ec girls just  wouldn't  come across
The  final   tabulation,   which  shouldn't
for reasons already stated, are a> follows
be  ia'.-
:i   Wo  serious
100' ,
!-1(J  '
Com men e
as 4
Anplied Scie'Vt
A urn
6 7
Arcane,-: s
11: '
o Ran
48 '.'
44 '
42 '
i.oo\   ani'l
to un;ve
Four candidates have so fa*
posted their names in the final
AMS election slate, to be elect»i
February 24. *
Gerrv Hodge. Applied Science
1. is running for vice-president.
Valerie Haig-Brown, Arts 1,
and Donald Jabour. Arts 2. aro
competing for second member at
Jerome Angel, Commerce 3,
is nominated for coordinator of
Nominations deadline is 4 p.wu
'tween ctosses
Halprin Conducts
Art Gallery Tour
STUDENT CHRISTIAN Monument presents Dr. A. M. Trendell
speaking on "I Raise a Family",
the final lecture in his "Love and
Marriage" series, noon today in
Arts 106.
H* H* ¥
, si'iits Ron Landau, expert on Slr>-
, roeean Affairs, .speaking on "T-.vt
i Crisis  in   Morocco",  noon  todaj,
Physics 201.
%.       )f.       }{•
Hire entitled "Christian Science:
the goal of scientific knowledge ",
noon today in Physics 200
if. >f. )f.
of Architectural Design will o^
held in the Art Gallery today at
1 p.m. Lawrence Ilalprm. a:i
outstanding landscape architect
of San Francisco will conduct
the tour. Mr Halprin will speak
Friday   noon   m   Phvsics  200
dergraduate Society will iH'i'M"''
ils annual physical education do--
plus Friday noon and again F:"-
d,i.\ night in the War 'Mom >:,.■;.
Gym. Admission is 2'.• o Io■ ■
ui-m :- and .')iii- tor adu1.:.--
'Continuod  on  Page Fouv'
S..-o     CLASSES' Ill • B flsif
Authorized as secon<J class mail, Po*t Office Dept., Ottawa.
Managing Editor—Ptter Sypnowich N«w_ Editor—Ed Parkar
Executiva Editor—Jaroma Anoel Sports Editor—Stan Back
CUP Editor -•-     Kan Lamb
Senior Editor This Issue ED. JAKEMAN
Cartoonist Gordon MacKenaie
Censor-in-Chief ... _   Al Fotheringham
Also Toiled.—Bill Tracey, Gerry Stephens, Basil Grant,  Ralph
Sultan, Herb Stephens, Don Murray, Jack Walsh, J. Howell.
Unified Faculty
With the appearance of the most widely read Ubyssey
of the year, our engineering activities approach their climax,
the Engineer's Ball, which is made possible Hy the cumulative effort of many people as individuals and as groups.
I believe that every "redshirt" should attend since it is a
symbol of our unified faculty and'of our spirit. Monte and
his co-workers have gone to a great deal of trouble and
work to make this the biggest and best of a long line of
successful "bashes".
I wish  there  was more space  available  to  thank  those
individuals who give so unselfishly of their time for the
"benefit of us all.   To mention just a few: Monte and his gang
working on the Ball. Jake and his scandal sheet, the Civils
and   particularly   Larry   Butler   for   their   coming   classic
• pep meet, and of course Herb Stephens for (hat most re-
-warding and unrewarding job the "Slipstick".    Thanks to
"all of you and especially those who work behind the scenes
doing the jobs thai only show as part of the whole.
The E.U.S. operates on the ideas of its members so if
you have an idea for a raid, a hoax, or something even
rmiiv unmentionable, why not tell us about it and help keep
:."ie engineering spirit  alive ami  active?
I   V''   ooh!    tl;,,:    the    Hal!    Is    ihe   clmin\    o|    u'll     \e,,l     hut
t.!ie:e i.- mie even m.>ie important event coming.-and thai is
tiie E.U.S. elect ton.-,. A lot of people are cnntt'i\t to sit
■back und let others direct their activities. Only by entering
into student affairs and working for tho student body can
you gain the full benefit of university life. There is a lot
oi satisfaction in student offices and, being strictly mercenary, the training you receive is an asset when you seek
employment. Prospective employers look for students who
not only are engineers but also take an active part in administration and organization of life. I urge you seriously
to consider running for an E.U.S. office or failing thai, to
assist in the organization of E.U.S. activities.
We have the reputation of being the most active and
united group on the campus and individually we must keep
this reputation alive by sharing in the Ball, the Slipstick,
and all our escapades.
Good luck to all of you, will see you at the Ball.
President E.U.S.
The iHummefi)
— by   jabez
Because I gained some reputation for libertinage when
I was writing for this paper as an undergraduate, it has
become traditional for the Engineers to ask mo to contribute
to their issue of the paper, as a demonstration of how far
pornography has progressed in the last 15 years. It is a sort
ol "Before" in\d "After" business, with my effort representing "Before" Kinsey and the discovery of Supersex.
We all have our purpose in this world, and I am content
to look quaint to the undergraduate of 1954. Especially
since 1 am .secretly convinced lhal I'm not really quaint af
ail. I am in my prime, as every man is from the age of 1>0
to S.V A man's college days are numbered (1, 2. H. 4, ele.),
out his prime goeS on right  up lo the day of the funeral.
! am therelore, glad to accept the Engineers' invitation
lo do my old clog dance in the middle ot lour pages oi bur-
;e-que   hi imps  cpui   grind.-..
I oiiiv wish I knew; a few jokes thai were I'll lo he printed
hi tin- paper, hut  the only jokes 1 can think of arc clean.
Ahmil all 1 can do is urge the Engineers to give blood.
:•'!' those whose live-, depend on it. Never mind giving it fo
the Red (.'toss, ,Iusl send it direct to me, e o The Vancouver
(1   -Iioiiitl  also  like   |o  remind   artsmen  ot   the  meeting
::  Brock  Hall. S p.m.. February ,"•<). to discu.s.s the turther-
.    ce   ■ c   world   peace   ny   dropping   some   marbles   :v.['-   "ne
.      :'m"-:;v s ;,[ ..ii -masher   I-Mease l>r;nu vuiu  own '.•::.■.'">..'-  <
**>war vmm&wtov
■".^ThvffOdMyi * February "T8,"IB8*
Spirit Is Intangible
Blotz says:
What's happened to the "Engineering Spirit at UBC?—the
intangible spirit, not the liquid.
This year we've seemingly been
quite content to sit back and
"let George do it," only for
George we substitute the name
of any suitable member of the
EUS executive. Remember fellows, nve elected them to'lead
us — not to do everything for
us. Have a look at a couple of
EUS activities this year which
have received a pitiful lack of
The proposed AMS budget for
Engineering Clubs. Did you
know that we lost that extra
money by less than 20 votes?
In other words, if just 20 more
Engineers had taken time off
from listening to the World
Series, we could all have enjoyed better activities all year.
The frosh orientation. Yes,
lot of us did get out and help and
a   lot.more   had   "suggestions"
for next year, but not enough
of us were willing to accept
and follow the lead of the students we< elected to lead us.
Our executive planned and acted in what they thought werf1
our best interests, and explained the olan beforehand. No
beefs were heard—and so they
went ahead,
There have been other back-
breaJsing (and time-consuming,
therefore, mark-reducing) efforts made by our executive,
and in many cases they not only
had to lead us. but they had
to drag us by the hand.
But don't take it too hard.
We've done a good job also.
on several occasions. For in-
tance, the March of Dimes —
We got behind th'at effort and
raked in $562, even more than
last year. We helped ourselves
in a big way with th ? Homecoming, and last fall's Engineers' — Nurses' Mixer was
among the very best. So we
can do it, if we try. Let's see
a little more try, and let's dig
in and help ourselves by aiding the executive physically
and in spirit — let's make the
Red Bacchanal (the Engineers'
Ball1 the huge success it should
be, and then let's continue and
finish off this year so that once
again the UBC Engineers will
be "UBC's best."
Who are we? — Engineers ! S
Engineers  Not Dead  Fish  But
Have  Drive  Plus  Enthusiasm
A writer in the student paper
of the University of Manitoba
eulogizes 4,he energ>. drive and
en ! In i -i;mm i e| the i ngn i. -er; n u
undergradi ial. ■- ol a :;n iei ,i! loo
ago and complains Ih ol lim-o
ot   toda\   are     chad   fish."
There are no dead fish in the
H);*>:U4 Engineering Undergraduate Society of I'BC. This
year's March ol Dimes campaign alone is the proof. Seldom, it' ever, has more efficient
leadership, organization and
team work been displayd on
the campus. The fast-moving
noon-hour show provided the
spectators with most enjoyable
entertainment. No wonder the
campaign was an outstanding
financial success,
The success of this and the
blood drive campaign and the
efficiency with which the objectives were achieved should
more than offset the barrage
of adverse publicity following
the EUS Smoker.
Under the leadership of Dav«
Dufton, we now look forward
witIT anticipation to the remaining events of the year, especially the ball and the publication
of the  Slipstick.
■V.   MUIH.
Hon.   President
Stephens, Small  Staff
To Complete Slipstick
That's the Engineer'- yearbook. "The Slip-tick". The
fourth animal edition of said 'nook, under the direction oi.
Herb Stephens and made possible by a small staff ot Engineers, is now Hearing completion. This annual is produced,
specifically tor Engineers and is designed to cover all phases
of Engineering-both on and oil the campus. The Slipstick
contains photos and a short rundown on the year's activities,
individual pictures of Third and Fourth Year Engineer.-.,
action photos of the Ball and Models, etc., PLUS a few
cartoons by "MacK", something not even the regular
Ubyssey can boast.
The book is an invaluable asset to First and Second
Year Engineers. Why? Because it contains information
which cannot readily be obtained elsewhere. This intorma-
tion concerns their future and is found in the many articles
.submitted by various departmental Profs.
To the Third and Fourth-Year Engineers, all is not
lost: tt is a ready-made diary, which 25 years from now.
will bring back memories, fond or otherwise, of clays spent
at  U.B.C.
Again this year, the fact that the annual must be <•
year is a deciding factor. However, the price of the "Slip-
stick" this year is remaining the same-—Si.75. To ensure
next year's annual, support this year's annual; order a n4
Slipstick now from your class president or al any noon-hour
il)   the  E.U.S.  office.  Room  206.      .
/'  f\  P.    'r     ,'.<  „f   \
Belt lfcvfl*d«_'rP«krfaw^48,19S4
TM1    VBtSfEf
Page Time
I have been queried of late by
several      younger      members
of    the    Engineering    Faculty    as    to    why    it is necessary   to   have   a   pep   meet
prior   to   the   Ball.     Instead
of answering their question, I
thought it best to teach them
self - assurance   by   allowing
them to supply their own answer.    It is very saddening to
report   that  not  one  of them
could do this correctly.
To the' very last man. the
answer was, "To encourage
Engineers to attend the Engineers' Ball." This answer is
incorrect, since it is not necessary to coerce Engineers to attend the Ball. There are not
enough tickets to go around as
it is.    Here are the facts:
Just before the big war. At
that time a letter was receiv-
Pan ie stricken   medicos   an-   in
a     ]ii;:|-:dr\     What   did   it.   is   the
1 mimiio-:    ciiie.-'.lon   asked   in   th.
,■:     -.: i, (■' ' i;: l    ol     llie-ie    sacn-t.
.   -oi, -        W;'\ '    Wh>. '    WI..'. '
At I'ce Vancouver (ieiu-ra!
Ho-|>:!ai las' week a woman 'A as
; '.isiiefl into Maternity, literally
;■ nd figuratively. She was
j.und to be in desperate need
it a blood transfusion which was
rapidly administered with no
malice of forethought. Ten hours
later she was delivered of a
bouncing baby boy. On first
sight the babe appeared a little
cueer. On closer inspection his
upper extremities and thoracic
expanse appeared a vivid red
A'ith the exception of two prominent white stripes on his upper
left  arm.
At St Paul's Hosiptal in the
.'..ame week an unfortunate logger was treated for multiple
tract u oes which included the
firms, back and legs. Since he
was in a state of extreme shock,
?, transfusion of blood was ad-
iv.mistered. On completion of
Ihe transfusion, he lept from his
ted hiccoughing loudly and staggered down the hall, singing
lewd songs about a lady named
A    ivoorl    trom   Pence   Coupe
'•il'ivini'd    Medical   Circles   of   a
!•".range   bul    interesting   case   in
.inch   a   child   of   three   weeks.
;    Itermg   from   blood   shot   eyes.
'. on ved    a     needed    I ransfUsion.
reeo\'er.v     from     this    dread
it'hc'.ion.    so    well    known    by
■' n: \ ei'si! y .-: ndenls. i lie child re
. -Mi   am    I min   of   iinurishmeiit
:;'    null;    wilh   a   large   head   i.l
.-;<-..   and   la! or   deg( nerated   to
-    ■■''<   o   -',,:.•   ' iu;'    ii    w mild   Inlet'
'.    -."'':  " i c   : .11!   I >e oi    fort\    : imes
'-. i ■■ o |. ■-.-    t. i    s:n     !' lesi ■    i u'ci I r ■
.    - '. io \. ■ i ih igg. (i  tlii' -. 'len I i 1 '.c
; '■-    ..i'    'lie    l-aidocrinoleg.-.!.-.
*       l '..■!,, i :> I.ode,-.;  ,1-      ;md       III
e     ' h.     v. . I. de   niedica !    prol'es
:        "c...    .,     traulic     tre'.i.'y    ot
■  - i    . I'eli I": .e\     have   made    I i; 1-
.k'.. ; : I. ng   d 'see verv ,,li    t hrei,-
',    ■ - >     ; io 1 lent -   to ce  V ed    i >'.o. -d
o ' i ■■'     . e       Ill-M .     ne',     \>i' " i.a d
■    •   ,.     ■.,.;':',     !■'   I '   S
ed by the President of the
E.U.S. from a frustrated member of the I Felta Thigh Sorority (better known now as
the S.C.M.) This girl bewailed and berated the members
of the E.U.S. as being, as she
put it — sexless. This poor
wretch Ai creature claimed
that after being.in the company of an engineer for one
whole evening, she still remained very, very chaste, both
mentally and physically, and
what was the E.U.S. going to
do about it. Casting aside the
obvious answer, at least for
the time being, a committee
was formed to study the problem thoroughly. Upon investigation, it was found that the
accused engineer was a mechanical. Most of the committee
were willing to throw in the
towel at  this point, but  one
persistent and obnoxious first
year Engineering type who
had grandiose ambitions of
making the disciplinary committee of the AMS Council
(his mother had. been boinged
over the buttocks with a gavel; his" father was a poor but
honest lawyer, or rather an
honest, thus poor lawyer) decided to press the issue even
farther and perhaps make a
few recommndations. After intensive study, the committee
finally recommended that all
mechanical Engineers should
be given lessons in Effective
Loving. It was decided that
the lessons should be given
once a year in the auditorium,
the date being as close as possible to the Engineers' Ball,
since it was generally feit that
most of them commence to
clean   up   a   little   about   that
time and there would be less
likelihood of greasing up the
auditorium. This likelihood
was not fully realized, however, because most of them
were escorting each other to
the Ball, and thus they felt
it was unnecessary to go formal.
The first year's experiment
was a dismal failure. Not one
of them coud understand what
the lesson was about. The
committee met again and new
recommendations were set
forth. The next year, each
mechanical would be accompanied by a civil who would
attempt to illuminate the impenetrable darkness by means
of a running commentary (in
words of no more than two
syllables). A smashing success it was, as evident by hundreds of unsolicited  testimon
ials of satisfied sorority girls.
The committee reformed and
decided that the Effective Loving course would be given
each year and would be open
to all Engineers.
The course is now known
as Pep Meet to comply with
school board regulations, but
the course still embodies the
same thorough coverage as the
old Effective Loving course,
held as usual in the auditorium, on Monday. February
22nd. Professor Bob Benson
will take the class.
"Daddy, how do minks get
"The same way babes get the
Taxi driver to couple in back
seat: "Do I take the next turn?''
Voice: "Like hell, chum. You
keep on driving,''
Blueprint Offered On Female
Form: Result Badly Designed
New Technique
Pushes Reaction
Period ol Observations: 1921   to 1954—
INTRODUCTION: --.Many methods may he found in chemistry texts lor making compounds such a.- t.etraethyl. ethyl,
ethyl sulphate, and ethyl acetate. Method- ot preparation of
■'i'i    common  chemical   have  not   been   win
'I       I'e     id'       ; lll'X |li    ,■;,.,  |M    ,|      , ,; |(      ■;, '     ... j||,r    ,| | ] \ (
"      Ml   !   .1 \'e   ' I- 'il! lie   lllok i II ...     '      Wi
• ro I'e I: t-'! 11 - iii u ii -t i md;- o| link
.1 ig ethyl palpil ale. One proces-
i'i   part ion lai    is   effective,   and   a
description   thereof  will   be   giv- m  general,  that   no  reactions oc-
en:  but   the operator should first rUr  between   chemicals   that  are
observe   the   premliminaries   set ,,ot completely pure.    In making
1'":th below.                                        i ethyl   palpitate   this   fact   is   ox-
PRECAUTIONS.    --To   begin Iremely important, because pure
with, the time and place for mak- ethyl will not react, and the more
ing   ethyl    palpitate    should    be impure   the  belter.     After   these
wisely chosen.    Evenings are the precautions are   taken,  the  most
best   time,   beuause   sunlight   in- (nmmon procedure is the dissolv-
hibits   the    reaction.      Week-end ing of ethyl in alcohol (!)0 proof\
evenings   are  advisable   for   two followed by gentle application of
reasons. One is that the operator heat.    To hasten the temperature
published and as
iiero tion. alt 'a ■• 1 u i;
■. \ i ier a -ii, en opera ', i a's c;. n handle
ahno.-t aii.N tiling. l! lias dee;,
ram ol cheiii ica i reactions.
EDITOR'S   NOTE:   -The   following   is   a   excerpt   from
a technical paper presented lo the EUS (Enjoyment  of Unlimited Sex) Society  by  Dr.  1. P.  Parabolic.     Dr.   Parabolis
is a graduate of Girdle U and  is presently  employed  by  ihe
Foundation  Co.  of  Bulging,  Mass.
Extensive research into the field   (bedroom)  of the stress- may  have  to stand  by   his  task rise,'many   operators   revert   to
... i      , ■• i     .• i i   j un'il  the earlv mnrnin" bonis tn'.hmgle  voodooism  bv  whispering
strain relationship existing m the human female form has led mKI1 mt '<'"> mi>,mn« nouls t0 "                          •           ' .     n
.  ..      ,                      ,        .                             ,,       . ,.,.. work  on   a  slow   reaction.     Th- m;,«lc W()lds ;,lld welld nothings.
to drastic revision in the present theories concerning the stability ^^ ^^ .^ ^ ^ p.,lpila. So mysterious is ethyl that it of-
of structures.    Although  the female  is poorly constructed,  no t0fj   epilvj   sometimes   needs   as tni   ''^Ponds   to   such   incanta-
decision  has been  reached  as  to •                                   ,                     ,    , long  as   the   week-end   to   settle. tl0ns-
joints,  but   it  would appear  that ,,. ,, A   , ...
whether  this  is  the  fault of  the SuK'e  ,hl>ro  must   bt>  no  KM'rign One  of   the  usual   mistakes   is
,                        ,                     ..                in the female form, buttresses are influences such as light, other op- trving   to   make   ethvl   palpitate
designer, contractor, or the man                                                                                                           H                    ^ •     a """"    ""■"   i""1 "'"'
included   to   enhance   the   move- orators and agitation, a secluded too cniicklv.    Too much heat mav
who tests the finished  product. „i.,„,     i, ...i^   i        i                ,-■ ,.      •  '      ,
merits   and   improve   the   angles. Phice   should   be   chosen.     (are result      in     disastrous     internal
The  designer can   be   held   di-   pra(.tice.   that   promising   young sllouId   b''   laknl   llu,t   '',h-vl   hi,s forces which lead the reaction in
rectly responsible for the poorly   „._    ,....'.   ,.    m...*..j   :T not  b<><>11   tampered  with  on   the unpredictable   directions.     As   ;;
constructed underpinnings .which
However,   il   has   been   found   in
engineers have found the answer
day preceding the experiment.       result   of  this  mistake  operator-
Rise And Shine With Joe
iave generally a tendency to bow ' "*""-'■- """   '"<■"'<•' """ "^»"        MATERIALS:     -The   working   have been  known to make ethyl
(lateral deflection).    The central i01' Setting around this problem, material  i.s usually the  most  mv   ambulate,
portion  of the  structure  spreads
with age and   is commonly   held HAPPY      DAY
in check  hv  foundations (misno .
men.    The reproductive machinery,   located   in   this  region,   has
proven uneconomical due to lack
of use and at   the same tune di.s A   pa£(e  Fj.om  Joe  Blot_..  Diary ;-mv    r,miits    of    rooll, . oc10ve   llp tvom PoKO ,njllii;s   notices in
torts  Ihe  shape  id   the  strut lure _         , ., ,u, .,»..,             -       .                                                                         .... ^,   .
7 48   l.ouu   snores slabbing    \ladimir    in    baeK    <d   vasion preparations, tipsotl Pin
when in lull production. _ _                                                                   ,.
oti.   Weak    -   kidneyed    room m l h ollice  in   underhanded  telophom
Due to the present popular de mate   bound-   out   of   bed,   trips       9 07    EUS    executive      lypt    call,
niand, breastworks are necessary over'   thermostat    circuit,   of   my sticks head  in door and asks for        Mi04     \ ■ -je,.      .   ivisMnnl
lo complete  tho aesthetic beauty "prune mice  .-id!"  on  Ins way  to spontaneous   blood-rlrjve   rie*            is      ,..        >,.    i,n.s   .     ]>, i       ,- *-, ,
of tiie  -', i'lici urc  but   fi'iiin  an  er, the   can,                                                             f> 08   Victoria     Dominion     i >h-    .     •          ,,
liK'Kol     C/l I a \ el
gineering viewpoiui isirictl>   tiie ;   un    i').-,-:,.,■   restored   to   tang' .-er\ a :oim    reports   sei-mographa
ni')     of    sU'ucI lire-i     tiie    added |mj    ,.,'re     ,mi    p:piii'.:    ol    di.-:d dislurliance   ,i-   |\\(,  hundred   En-
weigh!     is    unnecessary.       Semi i, r>   , ,,„.,.,,: Ul]1    Saiuple   indicates ''.meers  -uann   ou;   of   the   omlri
perma ne! i;   I alsew ork   ..- ret| u "
plan :   l ui ie! mc i u g
: o mauiia in I ais pari o| the • ■; a n
I lire n proper prom .r; io,:. a: i
.il'hoiigh Ihe prepiirt ion.. a.'
-I >:iie\. Ui. 1 e\a ggi ra Inl :'. i. ,i
heeii I ou ud i I'M' --a ry 1:1 si un
i a-e- 'a i p!'i)\ ld( la 1-CU'ol'k lo -['.}
l)i l!"    1,1 I :eu l   I'k    a ' id    result im;    l!
h 111' p
I'l 'I
! lat
i-i an on I \
e o;l'     ( ' i'.l' '    HIV    si :de rule    inMI
<!     i.l*' -"   c-.,»\   o|   the      I , steiieo"  .md     ; i , '        ■.    - ;.,,■     MO,
"    I-. ick    ' \\ .'    !' E     maior-    a-ide   as   ;m'i    m-tice   ;;   pi
■'    I   '.'.illoo  i.'f ;o   1, ciuro- eel-in..:,   p ■-, • io: ,'
:n on Dnii\   s
'ilii    ■itf:, .      fol     :
ing Pubsiers so i:
11 :ng I urn:: ui e a:... ins; all e: ■
'. 11 Ui     1'),...:        ; ee.ov, .1        IliO
\'lada:m      i-.ntt
.'    -Pi      .'\ f!', Ve     tor    .'■'   oil     lecUire
\c. e,! i gi     gla r. --.    a I1 h    11im if     ,e
-;:   f'oM'ii   ,',iu!   nil   bo\--   ,,l uni'.
' II   Hfl "(.,:,i.(l\
....im   and    I'd! com
V.rll    dl-M. .\ el'i (I
■'   '-i!\   desk
1' oil
le   lipket
>l  High;  hetoi'.
--  en oni'i-;: 11-..
>t t  -la-nl   ef io. .
( j -vol.
0 (>2
: ii in
ir..;,;     Co
'l'     SilrlH'i-il
11111' 11: n i      - c :  i ■ , i i:;
ei -    ' oiii.i'id    as    t \t
are      delegated
e I'nn -i.itt   Ui  Armouries
Coutinafrc.   cr.   Page   4) PfctftffMr
Thursday, February 18, 1954
For Hamber Cup
Alberta To Defend
Cup Monday, Tuesday
Chiefs Snapped
For Totem Pics
UBC Chiefs will have their
pictures taken for the Totem
at noon today in conjuction with
their game with the Varsity
soccer team.
*v *r* *v
The Cricket Club will hold a
practise in the field house today
at' 7:30.
All you fans can stop screaming about lack of competition
in Canadian Inter-Collegiate sports. This Monday and
Tuesday, the University of Alberta Qolden Bears will be
here to defend the Hamber Cup, emblematic of Western
Collegiate hockey supremacy.
This will give complaining fans
a chance to see how UBC stacks
up against other than Evergreen
Conference teams
Dick Penn's UBC Jayvees tackle Western Washington Jayvees in an exhibition basketball game at noon today in the War
Memorial Gym.
Penn's boys are in good shape and off their last performance
against Eilers should give Western quite a battle. The team it
at full strength but guard Keith Merrill will see limited actioa
because of his knee injury.
Engineers Lead
In Intramurals
An Engineer Speaks
- •    - -        -|        As might be expected the Engineers are presently holding
'Birds have been .weakened by ] down first    kce in the Intramurals     With onlv a few event
the loss ot three players due to ... .it-.. 1 *      ■
the  inane eligibility   rules   but i r«nainjng this year, the Engineers, with an approximate twenty-
Coach Mitchell has been hearten-   Point le«d over their nearest rival, stapd a good chance of reed by the news that star center-  claiming  the Governor's Cup,  emblematic  of  Intramural  su-
'ice man Eric Lovett will return; premacy.
' to action for the series. ,     Tnat the Engineers are in first •
NO PREDICTIONS j place is not surprising, however,
Coach  Mitchell  is making no I when one considers their oppo-
predictions other than that if we sition (primarily Artsmen).    It is j
doubles    badminton    championship.    Again this year, the Engl
noer's  best   bet,   they  were   un-
On scanning the records pf the Varsity football and basketball  score more goals than Alberta wc : possibly   the  Engineer's   method | ablfi ,0 "*Peat .tfielr previous rec-
teams, one -cannot fail to be impressed by the regularity at which   wjh win' the much coveted cup.  of training that is responsible for
both of these teams lose.   Each September hope* are raised as to the  what Dick does predict howevei   their success. The mighty Engin-
'Birds chances in Evergreen #Conferenee play, and each  April an   j* that if the students don't sup- eers   get   in   shape   by   holding
:tir of disappointment seem.s to prevail because of the continued   port this series the athletic bud-: workouts with the men of Mul-
to   take  a   terrible ligan.
Unfortunately    this    type   of*
.training did not meet with pub-
dismal showing of these two teams. get   is  going
The pooi' showings cannot be blamed upon poor coaching or beatin°.
upon the innate superiority ot U.S. athletes over their Canadian
vounlerparls. Indeed, in such spurts as swimming, and tmick and
i;eld. the Cold and Blue more than holds its own. The poor
records m trie two principal sports can be traced to the tart that
U.S.  colleges are  willing and  able  to  pay   their  athletes
This   universiU   cannot   hope   to  compete  against   this   .-vsiein
ot   commercialized   athletics.     BC.'s  outstanding   high   school   athlete.-,   naturally    listen    when   some   big   university   south   ot    the
border offers a free education.    Who wouldn't'    U.B.C. lias little
to offer  financially.
Phys. Ed
Instead of their usual Ho Mali
Mali effort the Phys. Ed. Under
lie approval, so in the future,
Engineering teams will probably restrict their workouts to
arm-raising exercises iu the
Georgia   Hotel.
The Mighty Red Shins, as always, participated strongly in all
phases of Intramurals. In Volleyball, the Engineers entered eight
ord, aj' they lost a close match to
the eventual winners. Jim and
John Pritchard also marie a brilliant showing for the Engineer,
in the doubles competition.
The Men of Science have entered five teams in the Basketball event and at the present
time it appears that one of these
may have an undefeated season
in league play.
Tins past Sunday, the Ski meet
was held on Grouse Mountain.
faced hv Stu McKay, Ab Mercer,
and Hermann Fink, who place J
second, fourth and fifth, respectively, the Engineers trailed tan
V.O.C. by only 0.4 seconds.   The
Favorable Reputation
Some people think that by developing outstanding teams: graduates Society will confine | teams, of which five made the results might have been differ
through athletic subsidization, a university can build a favorable ; ^ls vears sr,ow to a "mass dem-' playoffs. Incidentally, one of
reputation, and thereby attract financial support by developing a i onstration." The show will take [these teams was undefeated in
sense of pride within the alumni group, and by proving themselves i pjace tomorrow at 12:35 and j league play. None of the teams,
worthy of aid. However, in most instances, the cost of the ou,\ agajn at 8:00 in the War Mem-1 however, managed to get beyond
standing team outreaches the benefits derived from that team.      orjai Gym. the quarter finals.
Oth€f WflVS i     A Krand march, rhythmic calis-|     In the Cross-Country, the En-
Some  may  say   that  there  are  other   ways  to  win  without! thenics.   folk   dancing,   modern I gineers fared  somewhat   better,
athletic scholarships, this I doubt.    While the present subsidization I dance numbers, mass pyramids. \ Led   by   Jack   Butterfield   who
ent had Hugh Greenwood, last
year's individual champion.'been
available to the Engineers. Unfortunately, Hugh was injured
in the rugby game on Saturday.
Of the sports yet to be played,
golf appears to be the best bet
for   the  Engineers.     With  John
advanced   tumbl-
system   is   in   practice   at   other   Evergreen   Conference   colleges
U.B.C. will continue to lose the majority of its games.    Participa-; ing.   and   apparatus   gymnastics I entry came in second,
tion for the love of a sport is a very noble ideal, but no one likes j are just a few of the outstanding       About this time in  the  Intra-
to lose eighty per cent of his games.   Team morale naturally suffers ; acts to be displayed, mural   schedule,   the   Engineers
and performance is thereby adversely affected. ■ , received a challenge from Corn-
To me.  the  present state of affairs  is  unacceptable  as  it   is'     *** 's the friendliest thing two. merce fQ|. a lootball gamCi    Th(.
detrimental to the University's prestige, and  I  feel that Campus j People can do. regular Ubyssev reported on this
athletic  officials  are  faced   with   the   choice  of   the  adoption   0f   _   Old fairies never die they just | wUh  their ugual  rnaccuracy   At
some   long   range   plan   whereby   B.C.'s  outstanding   athletes   are ■ Mow away ... (fjrst {hcy impUed tnat tne g.,me
persuaded to remain in this province or as an alternative. U.B.C. s      Sophie says:    "That artsman  I   would not be tackle.    As a mat-
complete withdrawal from the Evergreen Conference.    This year's ; vvas out with jast nj{,ht is so dumb  ter of fact, all the Engineers in-
he   thinks  sex   is  a   number  be- sisted the game    be    tackle    as
placed sixth, the Applied Science j Russell leading the way, the Ap
visit to
McGill was del'initelv a step in the right direction.
3rd  yr.Chem. Eng.
Continued from Page 3
Fotheringham    pleads  Chem. Engineers Delight <ethan-
mfantilism.    and   diar-  ol-methanol-turpentine>
9:30. Tried out Kissometer
wilh sorority girl. No reaction
on Kissometer or myself.
10:30.   Kissometer   short  -  circuited     Goes up in smoke when
>ystem too dan-  a  frustrated  Civil  Engineer and
a   frustrated   third   -  year   nurse
puckei' up.
1 1:00   -■■   12:30.   General   Hell-
twee n five and seven.
they believed this would probably be their last chance to
clobber a few artsmen legally.
At this point the P.E. Depart-
Saleslady (showing lingerie to ment refused to supply the equip-
night    with    Venus,
with mercurv.
-hoea bul Red Cross taps 3.8
..•c's of blood from him. anyhow.
I'lugineer's offer of transfusion
Mimed down -- nurses consider
■possible shock of 60 over-proof
oiii Pretty Bo>
an engineer): "This is the only
place you can touch these for
anything near the price."
. 111:30 a iu. 5 .p.m. Consumed
in calculating 32 mechanics problems, writing up 8 labs, listening to ti hours of lectures designing new Marpole bridge, one
iiniir of gawking at waitress in
oius   Slop   Coffee   Bar
8 0(1 Boys decide io support
ihe EUS by attending the Red
?!acciianal Pnone Nurses Resi-
■fence;. three nurses trampled
oi the rush vv hen thev hear that
Kngiiuvrs  are  on   the  phone
i* Oil    Roll    i ii • n   Commodore
-applied   with   several   barrels   of
(Continued from Page One*
PRE-LAW  SOCIETY  presents
Vancouver's    foremost   criminal
lawyer. Angelo Branca, speaking
on   "Crime   and   Vancouver",   in
Physics 200 3:30 today.
presents a debate on  World University   Service   scholarships   to
Engineers  descend   upon   be held in  Arts  1.00 noon today.
1:1.4   General  drink-
Chinatown   from   all   directions.
4:00.   Extract       myself      from
wreck,me of Chinatown and trot
home to Fort Camp and six pages   tet
of calculus  problems.
4:30 Artsman room - male
wakes up and wants to know
why I am still up Lei him have
it with the butt end of my slide-
if. if. if.
FILM SOCIETY will present
W. Somerset Maugham's "Quar-
in the auditorium at noon
today "Quartet" consists of
four ot Maugham's best short
stories: "The Alien Corn." "The
Facts of Life." "The Kite." and
The Colonel's Lady." Admission   is  25c
ment and the stadium. This phi
lanthropic gesture was probably
appreciated by the Commerce
•men, but the Engineers are still
gnashing their teeth over their
lost opportunity. Perhaps; next
vear the P.E. Dept. will show a
little more cooperation and both,
the Engineers and the Commu
nity Chest  will benefit.
Getting back to the Intramurals. the next event was soccer.
Unfortunately, because of the
poor weather, this event hasn't there
been completed. However, the
Engineers have two teams entered and both teams have winning records to date.
Engineer's table tennis star,
Eugene Butkov has reached the
quarter finals of the singles
Las! year Bob Hehberi and
Jack  Hunter won the Intramural
j plied Science entry should blast
i its way 1o victory.
As the engineers carry on in
their usual glorious manner then*
is no reason to believe they will
not end up on top of the Intramural heap. It is obvious their
superior athletic prowess w.U
again win them the Governors
From 13 to 16
She's like Africa
Virgin   and   unexplored
From  16 to 3^3
She's  like  Asia
Hot and exotic
From 36 to 45
She's  like  America
Fully  explored  and
her resources.
From   46   to   56
She's    like    Europe
Exhausted    but    basin terest
From   56   on
She's like Australia
Everybody   knows
but  nobodv  give.
a  da:
First Nurse: "My new eng
showed me something new
Second Nurse; "Is thai rig'n'
First   Nurse:   "No.   but   it   :>,
lots of fun'"
The   ram   went   plunging    ■■.
the    cl: if    mil! ten n '.    ' I).r.^ -
dldnl   -ee   '.ha',   euv Ml:';;
UBC, Alberta Hockey, Feb. 22,23


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