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Lowery's Claim Jul 1, 1906

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Array NUMBER 35
NELSON, B. C. CANADA.
��fc
PRICE:  10 CENT*
LOWERY'S CLAIM
Ie devoted to Truth, Humor and Justice, and is published monthly at Nelson, B. C., Canada It Is sent, postpaid, to any part of the world for $1
a year. Advertising rates are $2 an
inch each insertion.
Lowery's Claim has never been raided by the sheriff, railroaded <by an indignant populace, nor bul (dosed by tlie
brokers who issue tickets on heaven
for a consideration. It does not believe
in the fall of man, n����r the hydra-headed god waved before a long-suffering
public by those who peddle theologic
dope, and subsist upon the fears and
superstitions of the human race. <It
believes In everything good, and hopes
that a method will yet be discovered
tbat will smelt all evil out of the world
and leave nothing but gold in the heart
of man. If you believe as we do send
in as many subscribers as possible ao
that we can keep the press running until a process is discovered that will
Jar all misery from this universe and
annex it to the flower gardens in ths
New Jerusalem   .
R. T. LOWERY.
Editor and  Financier.
Religion has cursed the world in all!    A newspaper man   recently   died iii
a*es- i Detroit and left the city W,0W for the
* , , ^   Z  . purpose of  beautifying its streets.    It
A fat preacher is a poor sign for the)will be a century before anything like
right life. | that occurs in Nelson.
Even in creeds variety is the spice of
life.
In Canada can be seen inside the parliament fcence a horde of greedy grafters
_       , . ���   M     , swallowing the public pie,  while just
His     intellect     te    sadly      warped come again before all   the plums   are
who believes that his creed is the eaiy j praying in the stubble for their day to
route to heaven.
People pay too little heed to what they
say about others, and too much to what
others say about them.
come again before all the plums and
picked and canned.
The Bible says that the   Lord   God
swore by his holiness that he would take
the old people away with hooks   and
Throw a stone out into the dark night, I their posterity with fish-hooks.   He must
and if you hear a yawp It is almost cer- j have had quite a jag on to make such a
tain that you have hit a yellow dog.       ! declaration or else been thinking about
j the fellows in Canada who go fishing on
Plain and truthful speech upon sexual
matters acts upon the mind of a prude
as an emetic does upon a sick stomach.
When it comes to giving practical advice or making sane laws, the church
has always butted in like a drunken
Rube at a piano recital.
Sunday.
Envy causes many   to die   a painful
death at an early age.
As we grow old the drafts made in our
youth sre presented by Nsture and if
we cannot settle,  Death  issues a writ
against us from which there is no ap- of his master than braying at an ex
peal. j press train.
Quite a number of mud-brained
people frequently remark that the editor of this journal should be lynched.
Such human curs are batty with fear
and ignorance. They haven't sand
enough to lynch a sick kitten, and
should tie a gunny sack over their
mouths. They leak too much air for tbe
safety of their knife-blade minds. The
jackass is more useful carrying the pack
Canada does not contain GOO people
who do all their own thinking.
Tho hardest, trail docs not always lead
to tho biggest bunch of galena.
Help to free the human race by sending this journal a few subscribers.
A booze-soaked Judge is a poor thing
to deal out justice, even in the far west.
The proposed Sunday law in Canada
will be a snap for the Jew. He should
run the dally papers in B. C.
Higher science has seen a picture of
the Goddess of Justice with her eyes
open and the editor remarks that humanity is getting better. After awhile the
picture of the devil may have no horns.
.Tails are about the only government
institutions that the public will not patronize, except by the use of force.
If the people of America value their
liberty they will stamp out all legislation that ties tbem on Sunday to laws
framed by fanatics.
It is better to have the whole of Canada break the Sabbath than that even
oue Individual should be fined or imprisoned for fishing on Sunday.
Immature minds must be in the majority In Canada. If childish mentalities were not so numerous there would
be no laws to punish those who do not
observe Sunday according to the dictates
of fanatics upon day worship.
George Horton haa flooded the west
with Ark cigars. These cigars are made
in Winnipeg, but not by Noah. That old
chap died eome years ago, and the cigars are named after a boat that once
came to anchor on the top of a mountain.
If there was any justice in taking the
striped clothes off of such a hell-soaked
human reptile as Brothier before his
sentence was served then every convict
within the jails of Canada is entitled to
his freedom. Fttspatrick must have been
under some terrible pressure when he
granted a pardon to a man more destructive than common, cold-blooded
murder. We want equal justice to all
In Canada, or else the respect for law
will sink into derision.
It is impossible for a Christian to be
honest. No man with intelligence so
low-grade as to believe in the mental debauchery and nonsenclcal guff taught in
church can be really honest The more
preachers and creeds you find in a community the more you will find the people
to be dishonest, untruthful, slanderous,
vindictive and filled with that narrow
spirit that always comes from the insane belief that no matter how much
you sin Jesus is ever ready to wipe out
the black spots provided you cringe in
submission at the risk of fraying your
pants at the knees, and admit that He
is the clear goods, full measure, with no
water in the upper stope. -It is impossible for people to be good just aa
long as they believe in the Christian
faith as it is taught in our churches by
a band of ignorant, creed-bound charlatans commonly called bishops, priests
and parsons, by those too timidly polite
to offend those imitations of men, bound
in black, who eat the.bread wrung from,
ajshivering and ignorant people with
threats of hell and promises of heaven*.
Why, to those on a higher mental plane
the profession of theology .appears no
more honorable than that of the tinhorn
gambler who skins his victims by appealing to tlieir cupidity anel beating
them with bis dexterity. LOWERY S CLAIM
Thc Cent Belt
Back ia Ontario, the home   of   dirty
politics and puritanical  religion  three
bishops of the Anglican church are in
hot water up to the moss In their upper stopes over the  new school  geography.    Our intelligent readers probably know that the Anglican church la
the spawn of one  of  England's   most
lecherous kings, Henry the Eight times.
It Is a church sought after by the aristocrats probably because   IU prayers   are
machine made, and   anything   fn   the
shape of a man can turn   the   crank.
The most useless specimens of men we
hare ever seen In the profession of theological dope bave been some of the paid
shouters to God and king In the Anglican church.   Many of them apparent i>
did not have sense enough to grease s
buckssw or pick the bugs off a crop of
Irish bananas.   When a boy Is no good
in Englsnd his parents turn him Into s
C. of R  parson and send him out into
the world to earn his bread and beer by
boosting for Jesus with machine prayers and blessings for the royal family.
Perhaps it Is just as well thst   mud-
brained nonentities sre mainly the timber out of which the   parsons,   rectors
and curates of the Anglican church are
manufactured for It seems like sn economic waste to train real men to make
a scant living by   repeating   machine
prayers, wearing a gown, and with outstretched arms repeating those wonderfully clever and uplifting words: "Here
endth the first lesson."   The church of
England could save more money for ita
fat bishops by cutting out the human
parrots and putting In big gramophones
The Anglican church stands for arlato
cracy, the subjection of the poor, snd
non-progression.    Its  bishops  who sre
usually psld more In a year than they
could earn at anything else in s lifetime toady to the rich, and aim to keep
the masses in ignorance and subjection
in order that their power and fat salaries may not be lost by advancing science
"I adopt aa my own   the   statement
which    appeared    la    the     Canadian
Churchman  directing attention  to  the
ifact that Infidelity is now lieing open-
hy taught in the high schools and collegiate Institutes of this  provlace,  as
well as In those ot Manitoba.    In September. 1904. a new text book called the
high achol geography was Introduced Into these schols, under the false plea of
teaching true science, which propounds
theories diametrically    opposHI to    the
holy  scripture anil  Christian  doctrine.
While the curriculum of these Important
educational Institutions makes no provision for religious insiruction of any
kind, the religious public have a clear
right  to expect  that  no doctrines opposed to the orthodox t*nets of Chria-
llanlty ahalt  be taught   therein.   Without at all entering 5nto the dismission eif
how far the theory of evolution���for 11
Is only s theory���may be true, while II
harmonizes   with   fundamental   laws of
human progress, we can si I understand
its dangerous e-harae f r    when    It  pre-
stunes to tell us thst the universe and
this world  Is pari  of It.  waa not   the
work of a Supreme Being
cr******-**! btekto   th tUnTwh.^ a*
brake mast be kept on the hi��k_*M A
of theological dor*, or they wm^S*
hack to the swamp of mental i***
Wahopa. ahoald be the cryj^J
No wild animal will touch a mm a
void of fear.   People m*** fc?r tf
tract the very danger they seek to avow"
.h^^lf l^tr"*** ih*1 hU **�� trip
throng* East Kooteny had no political
significance Perhaps he was j�� (1k'
ing a few lessons la poker for nearly .:���
the smart men in B. C are past bs*.
tera In that fl nan. Ial pastime.
There ia a movement In some of th��
towns In the cent belt to shut csu sun.
day fun�� raU Afler awhile this Insanity about Sunday observance will be.
come so acute that births or death* upon
that day will be punished by fine or im
prisonmenL
   ���. but the pro-. 	
duct, on the contrary, of chance or accl-l Ifnc>rance ia the father of tb** churta
dent arising from self -contained mud!- and Pear Its mother When tbe world
tlons already existing in physical na ; .barotites really Intelligent the creed
ture. snd thst man instead of being grafter will beon tne wagon with OtheM-
created by God In His own image sprang Ilo. He baa had a long Innings hut tb"
originally from aome Inferior form of day la rapidly coming when he will be
animal life, to gradually attsln by evoln- on the outside of the fence tofting at
tlonary processes to the higher form In [the game through    a  knot-hole     "-
Whlch    h��   ���!!����������    e-v   .l~.
which he sppeara to day.
*Thle la what the high school geogra-
phy teaches, aa will ne seen by a reference to ita peg"*. At page 12 It tells
ua that life on this earth had its lowly
beginnings In humble seaweed, or In
gelatinous or living matter than arose
on the surface of the salt water, while
%t page 427 It teaches the fsla/* dor
trine of the 'nebular hyiiothesla.' which
had Its origin with the German aceptlc.
Ksnt. snd waa sfterwarda taught anew,
with freah environments, by the eminent French astronomer. Ijtptac*. ss an
excuae or justification for his on theism
That a book of thia dangerous character
��� Iu.hU    V~ '     ���
oe.eaiicirig science That a book of this dangerous character
and higher thought Mad with egotlam should be used In our educational inatl-
they always yell  when  anything pro- tntlone csn only be regarded ss a dellb-
gTessive appears thst tends to lift the'*���*'' "** * '
pieople beyond the spell of that theological dope which hss deadened mankind
in all ages and fattened the pompous,
self-constituted agents of God upon the
cream of every land. Little wonder that
tlie lord bishops roar when tbey aee progressive movements for It means that ere
long their wine cellars will be as empty
ga  the.  heMTede* nt  *U~.~   ---��-
erate attempt to weaken or wholly des-
trop the Chriatlan faith of their students
of both aexea. All this synod csn do.
however, in this grave matter Is to make
It saolemn protest sninst the use of
such a book In our acbool*. and to submit thia protest to the minister of education for Ontario."
It la to be regretted that in this ad
nr.r.A    -���    ��..���_��
..��.,- r��*u ue as empty It la to lie regretted that In this ad-
aa the heads of those who have support- vanced age blahops ar* still to be found
ed them in the past. Recently upon the clinging to tbe spirit that cursed man-
same day fn Ontario thuee lord hi��h��n�� ^^ jn tj,e medlevsl centuries. It shows
*-   ���"'- hnv Hire-**.o   *-���*   *-
,..,~~       ler.rilUV   UpOH   tllC
same day in Ontario thcee lord bishops
In as many different cities rose up In
their puny might at the meeting of Anglicans synods and let off a roar against
the new school geography that sounded
like an echo from the Dark Ages.  Their
utterances show that the ground upon
which they have stood for so long Is becoming 'Friscoed and that already the
earthquake of knowledge    h    making
them so nervous that ft Is only with the
greatest difficulty that they can peep at
their hole card.   In the spiel at Ottawa
Bishop Hamilton unloaded (he following
ozonic Jag of sour grapes;
how difficult It la to make a church
move and revognlze any theories contrary to their own. Hamilton's religion
ia nothing but s theory and through
long dwelling upon It his mind hss become atronhl"d until he cannot aee anything good or true outside of an Anglican church. HIh remarks sound to the
really wise like the babbling of a jealous
child. A snrfeit of power -conferred upon bishops and other riil<*ra always lends
to make them dictatorial, tyrannical,
despotic or eb*�� groaalv sensual and Immoral.    If bishops like  Hamilton bad
__,   .         Ms
may shoot for a time at th* cartel "f
better thought but hia nol*.* sill tie
wasted as the yellow dog * aides hJ*
breath chewing the rag with the moon
Over fifty millions of barrel* nf hrer
were sold In America laat year M<*t of
this vast oreaa of hop touched water
was gulped down like a eakkea h��allowing June bugs and did the drlnk**r��
little good. TO get any benefit out of
beer yon must sell It and watrh the other
fellow drink It. Like religion beer Is at
little use to the humsn race Just an
acquired taste like all other unnecessary
things on this mundane sphere for
which we cough up our doush snd Imagine that wt must have.
The church Is responsible   for mot'
crime and  misery on this earth thin
any other agency.    It ten-che* fear an4
that Is sore poison    to tb**   soul     H
'."ache* us that no mater bow much we
sin Jeans will pay all the cxp*nw* and
give na a pardon a la the Fitipatrirk
style.    When this tatter teaching M believed It Alls the world with wickedr**"
for the mind soft enought to believe nuch
a false doctrine ia liable to commit anr
crime  under  the  mistaken   Impression
that all will be serene If we sneak Bf��
Jemis, like a cat stealing cresm snd��*���
Him a con talk about belag sorry   **ucn
baby  teaching aa tbat will damn any
nation that geta It flrmly embedded in
the upper stope.   We cannot escape tne
punishment of wrong acts for we *T*
punished by our sins and not for tbem.
The sooner the world la rid of the baneful teachings of priest and parson tbe
"ooner will Ita Inhabitants see heaven
without walling to   reach  It over   u��*
heaose route .*.-��� -VS,*-
*
IX)WBRTS CLAIM
July Coolers.
The priest has made many a child the
enemy of mankind.
A fool with a college education Is
worse off than a wise man who cannot
read.
The more you hate the articles ln this
journal the more you are iu need of
them.
If you are pleased with this journal
send in a dollar and get a dozen back
numbers.
Do not think too harshly of tho agitator. Without him the world makes no
progression.
The Christian who serves God because
he is afraid of hell, ancl not because he
loves God, is a hell of a Christian.���
patriarch.
The man who sips his drinks will never become a drunkard, and the chap who
never bolts his food will seldom have
dyspepsia
The booaters in Winnipeg and Vancouver have pushed real estate so high
that you cannot reach it without making
a ladder out of $20 gold pieces.
In the United Ststes people arc arrest -
for s'dling meat on Sunday, but those
who wish are still permitted to play at
cannibalism in thc churches.
These cutting days when the doctors
do not kill ln the operation for appendicitis they often let the victim shuffle off
by giving bim food too soon.
Dr. Tilden says that liberty always
means license, and freedom moral chaos
when the people judge by a standard
that Is artificial, statutory and God-
sanctioned.
This world will come to an end just as
soon as the sun gets time to absorb it.
The sun should get a mote on If it
wants to get ahead of Rockefeller, or
the Grits at Ottawa.
Higher Science says that the only sensible thing old Anthony Comstock ever
done was making the W. C. T. U. ladles
put aprons on the images of Jesus
Christ In churches, and other places
where his body was Indecently exposed.
If, as some of the thin-pat ed cieed
howlers assert. God destroyed 'Frisco because its people were so wicked Higher
Science wants to know why He knocked
out 85 churchs and left the largest liquor
house unharmed. Probably the greatest
of all pugilists thought that booze was
the lesser evil.
The eating of bananas   will cure the
craving for alcohol.
The proposed trust in churches will
never be a success in Canada ToO
many small minds will spoil the hash ot
creeds.
In the days of fables you could not. be
a disciple of Jesus Christ unless you
hated your parents and all your relatives, Including your mother-in-law.
An eminent divine says that it is not
the drinking but the getting sober that
Is so terrible. Nothing wise or new about
that remark. Every old jag flend knew
it the day after bis first drunk.
There is little hope for Sunday street
cars In Winnipeg. For opposite reasons
the church and labor unions, are opposed
to them, also tho rich chaps who want a
clear track for the automobiles on the
Sawbath.
In Texas the other day an editor was
greatly shocked to see a lady step into
a hallway, raise her dress and pull a
roll of money out of her hose. That's
nothing. Over in Calgary the ladies pull
their limbs out of their hose every night.
Nelson is not the cheapest place In
the world to live. Antioch, on the Mediterranean sea has it backed clear over
tb," dump. In that Asiatic town a whole
family can live in fine style upon $175
a year. You can rent a bouse and keep
three servants for $4 a week. Mutton is
3cents a pound (shades of Pat Burns!)
and eggs 2 cents a dozen. Fish costs 1
cent for five pounds and chickens 50
cents a dozen, while for 25 cents a week
you can get. all the fruit and vegetables
a family requires.
The people of Canada and the United
States boast of their freedom and give
their postmaster-generals the most despotic power. Without warning they can
ruin a man's business and there is no
appeal except to themselves. This is on
a par with roasting a judge in a newspaper, and having the editor tried for
contempt by the one he has offended.
The Crag and Country says that with
the Influx of summer visitors one would
think that even the despised churches
would reap a richer harvest. According
to reports the C. P. R. train robbers got
$15.50: but even that beats the Sunday
collections in some of the Banff churches.
However, the law does not yet give a
parson life for holding up a Banff congregation.
The pen fruit of Nelson's latest daily
is choice and appeals to minds trained
to ramble in the higher fields of thoughtful literature. If the pace is not slackened the Canadian will soon be known
many miles from its own door. It seems
a wonder that such a clever editor wasted so much of his life pushing theological theories In the greatest hurrah
church when the press has ever been
calling for more brains, and fewer
blacksmiths.
In a cellar under a villa in Bremen
there is stored some wine 300 years old.
Upon each case Is the name of one of
the (Apo8t1.ee. The wine Is now worth
two millions dollars a bottle which is
far more than we have ever seen the
rosy sold for even in the flush days of
Kaslo. It must look yellow In the glsss,
and evenColonel Cooltcan ln tbe mad
days of Winnipeg could not afford to
take a bath ln It. Perhaps after all it
would not taste any better, than a snifter
of old Canada rye at 15 cents a swallow,
chaser included.
Vests made of paper are sold in Bur-
ope. If some genius will now make
women's clothes out of paper the poor
men will have more money to spend on
booaerine and cigars.
**m
The credit system is one of the worst
things in modern life. The cash system will increase the health and better
the morals of any community. *
-Ma-aM-a-a****-***.
Through religious excitement a saloon
man in New York state tried to kill a
parson the other day. He should have
stuck to the jimjams of his own business.   Mixing dope is fatal.
Several churches in the east have been
struck by lightning this year. If a man
smashed his own house the neighbors
would put him in a lunatic asylum or
stop his whiskey at the tavern.
For the edification of boys in the cent
belt who have a desire to come out west
and be tough we will say that Deadwood
Dick died the other day after eking out
a miserable existence for eight years
peddling gum and candies on the street
An eminent physician says human
beings should live 14 Oy.ears. And so
they would if the world was not so full
of fools. Scarcely one person in a thousand knows how to cat. drink or choose
the right quality and quantity of food.
All anarchists are not poor, liberty-
crazed devils who throw bombs at kings
and queens. Some are political or capitalistic rulers who break laws to favor
the rich. When justice is given to all
alike the business of throwing bombs
will become obsolete.
In the Bible God tells every man to
buckle on his sword and hunt through
the camp for victims. He commands
every man to kill his brother, companion
friend. Little wonder that there is so
much hell upon this earth when such
stuff is paraded as gospel. A Carribean
pirate suffering from mania potu
could not have given a more insane
order. When part of the bible was written God must have been crazy, or else
his stenographers had bugs In their up- '
per stopes.
The cannibalistic instinct Is strong in
church communicants as evidenced by
the imaginative eating of Christ every
now and again in much the same way as
boys who read dime novels play at fighting Indians. Only childish or unthlnkr
Ing minds would indulge in such a mental destroying ceremony. To those under
the 8peel of theological dope the sacrament may appear to be sacred, but to
tbose untainted by fear or superstition It
! appears about as sensible as the putting
of roast ducks on the grave of a dead
Chinaman. 	 LOWERY'S CLAIM
Child Slavery.
The United States needs to reform
lOther things besides the meat business
in Chicago No child should work for a
living, yet in the mines, mills, factories
and sweat shops of America nearly three
millions of unwilling children under the
ago of 15 years sre being slowly sacrificed to the greed of commercialism.
We repeat that no child should do anything but the lightest and most healthful labor until well past the age of puberty, yet millions of children are being
dwarfed and ruined mentally and physically through the greed of capital in
this age of competition. Public sentiment can alone lift this terrible curse
from the poor, defenceless children of
America. Do not shirk ye men and women of good hearts.
Come with us into the canning factories of Maine, and see boys and girls
driven to unwholesome tasks with whips
and forced to slave trom twelve to
fourteen hours a day.
Come with us into the cotton mills of
the south, where children of eight years
of age labor all night and during the
day sleep the sleep of titter exhaustion
with not a breath of fresh air, and with
no opportunity for recreation or mental development
Come with us to the coal mines of
Pennsylvania, and se the breaker boys
sorting lumps of anthracite in an atmosphere ao laden with coal dust as almost
to suffocate you in ten minutes; but
these poor lads work there all day long,
and die, many of them, in a few years.
Come into the blazing glass factories
of New Jersey, where the ten and eleven
year old boys so often fall asleep, overpowered by weariness, that they throw
buckets of water over them to keep them
awake and at their relentless tasks.
A man went down into the East Side
of New York City one day and saw a
child of four years earning her share
of the family expenses by twisting paper
.for artificial flowers. Her hours of labor
were from dawn till dark.
In Pennsylvania and New Jersey the
heartless taskmasters have taken defenceless children from the orphan asylums and setthem to work In the shops.
for It is cheaper, they say, to get boys
aad girls in this way than to install
machinery.
In Fall River they grease the bodies of
email boys and set them to work, naked, In the poisonous dyeing vats��� "dying" vats they are indeed, for the poor
little fellows live but a short time.
It cost' the United States a million
men and billions of money to cut the
bonds that bound the negro to his master, and yet a worse slavery exists today in that great country with some on
the side In Canada The great evil of
child slavery could be righted in a short
time If the press, pulpit and platform
would lift up its voice more In the cause
of humanity and cringe less before the
almighty dollar of the greedy capitalist
Through its child slavery and rotten
���Chicago meat America stinks ln the nostrils of all who have hearts not submerged in the greed that destroys the soul
much the eame as nitric acid obliterates
a wart
Another species of child slavery has
been seen on the stage ln the west quite
recently In the performances of such
troupes as the Pollards and others. In
these troupes we find girls and boys- of
tender age working late at night in the
unhealthy atmosphere of the footlights
enduring the strenuous life of constantly changing hotel fare snd railroad travel. And. for what ? To make money for
men probably already rich, for It Is said
thst the Pollards took $3000 out of Nelson and $10,000 st Calgary. The effect
of hawking children about the country
to give operatic or theatrical performances is disastrous in the extreme upon their moral, ment si and physical
natures and should be prevented by lsw
If public sentiment is not strong enough
to do sway with such performances. AU
children should be protected from the
greed for gold displsyed by so msny then
trlcal managers. The good people of all
the western towns sre batty about child
performances, yet they would shudder
st the thought of one of their own children being fondled snd petted by all kinds
of microbe-haunted people, bundled from
hotel garret to stuffy dressing rooms,
and taken all over creation In order that
some heartless guy can build a fortune
upon the hothouse talent of helpless snd
precocious children. It Is still true thst
man's lack of thought and Inhumanity
to others mskes many a life wither before its time.
PHILISTINE   WISDOM
The slogsn of the theologians���Cough!
sees
!    History Is only a collection of cpl-
' taphs.
sees
Many gods live iu temples made by
hands.
sees
If you've got a devil put hlm to work.
���   ���   ���   ���
You are what you think, and not what
you think you are.
sees
If your religion does not change you,
then you had better change your religion.
se.es
You can always tell what a man has
not, by that which he ��mat admires.
see*
Intellectually and morally the fittest
have never survived���hence an Intellec-
tual race of scrubs.
A leading divine In Montreal is denouncing graft In the government but
says nothing aliout hia own profession.
The Sabbath Observance Bill looks
now like a popular exchange after the
cold scissors of a country editor has
slashed its vitality to a mutilated wreck.
A movement Is on foot to amend thc
Copyright Act so that authors will not
have to send their copy any longer to
the minister of Agriculture at Ottawa,
just aa thouffh nothing waa written in
Canada except essays on liogs or hard
wheat
The Holy City.
Toronto is such a good city that It
will not allow a red curtain to flash
more than a few minutes it |g so full
of churches that the bells on Sunday
make you think of a boiler shop gone
crazy. The people are so good that If
you are sad, dry. broke or hungry si I
you have to do Is to aek and they will
fill you np with enough prayers and
god advice to last a poor chap until the
gravedtgger is throwing real estate upon
hie coffin. With all Ita goodneas tt Is
aot safe for female children to get away
from their guardians la the Holy City
for fear of being raped or Indecently assaulted. The holler a city or a people
the more danger exists to youthful chastity. Too much piety breeds a epeclea of
moral degenerates who lsck the courage
or opportunity to visit a mature
strumpet, but seek to wreck the Innocence and purity of children with their
distorted and hellish passion. The effect of the same thing���loo much piety.
Is plainly seen upon many clergymen
who so often jump over the bars Into
fields of sexual heaven or hell according
to the finish of the play. Other elt lea
should take a warning from Toronto snd
avoid those great producers of Insanity
���piety and prayers. Taken In excesa
they breed hallucinations which make
the victim a wreck and a nuisance to
bis neighbors. To be good we must be
sane and no one can continually be
sane and be Immoderate In anything.
No really great man can continue to
be a creed promoter.
The wises*, farmers live In the New
England states. Not one lu ten attend
church.
Papal Infallibility la th-" only dogma
of Importance between Roman and
Anglican Catholics.
About the most striking thing In aome
commercially servile newspapers Is au
ad telling how to cure sore nipples
A cure bas been discovered for lep
rosy.    Let us aot lose hope.    A euro
for graft at -Ottawa may yet be discovered.
The shallowness of pink tend society
ln Victoria la shown In the fact that the
painted beauties of the upper ten prefer
a remittance man to a man who earns
his living by honest toll. Aa a rule a
remittance man ia a high-toned pauper
living upon the charity of his relatives.
The enemies of Bob Green are Jumping at him like a lot of wolves who
cannot reach the meat on the wood-pile.
Bob must be a man of considerable
brains and force or he would not have
so many mad 'Injuns" after his scalp
Either that or else his mental balance
stops at Troy Instead of the standard
weight. Bob should jump onto the public scales and snow the shooters for
purity that he weighs more than all of
Kaien Island, mm
LOWERY'S CLAIM
FROM THE EYE-OPENER
If a woman's credit la food at a dry
goods store, she never argues about the
price.
���  ���  ���  ���
You may break all the commandments
in the code,
Provided that you do It a la mode.
���      $      9      9
A girl seldom makes a mistake ln
marrying a man who has lieen boarding
ai hotels for years. Such a man will
appreciate the ' ummlest kind of home
cooking.   Now then, don't all apeak at
once.   Enclose photo.
���   ���   ���   ���
The new dining room girl (from Car-
stairs) seemed to suit Jack Moseley, the
eminent proprietor of the Dominion and
he decided to engage her. The girl had
removed one hatpin from her hat and
taken a peep Into the dining room. Seeing all the tables neatly set, ber smile
faded.
"Say. do you do your own stretch In?"
she aaked.
"Do we do our own what?"
"Stretchln' " repeated the belle of Car-
stairs. "Do you put the stuff all on the
table at once and stretch for It, or have
I got to shuffle It round?"
���      ���     et     ���
The Methodist Conference met In Edmonton this week. Rev. Joseph Morris
was appointed Moderator. The program
on Tuesday morning was a most Interesting one and opened with a helpful
address on the Basis of Religious Life.
hy Rev. Robert Mays, pastor of the Star
Methodist church. The paper read by
Rev. Robt Cronn on the Goepels was
much appreciated and the explanation of
how five thousand people were fed on
five loaves and five fishes was very satisfying. The reverend gentleman held
the theory, originally put forward by
German theologians, that the fish were
whales. Discussion on this subject, and
on the miracles generally, was led by
Rev. Charles Barber, wbo gave a learned
disquisition on the possibility, even at
the present day, of changing water into
wine. He adduced proofs by citing the
parallel case���which he had frequently
witnessed with his own eyes���of transforming Florida water Into whiskey.
Rev. Mr. Clark, of Edmonton, wound up
the morning session by singing Moody
eft Sankey's beautiful hymn. "Everybody
Works but Father." The afternoon was
taken up with ordination services.
���      0      ���      ���
Pat McCarthy had ben one of Frog-
town's had boys, and one day he ran
away, and nothing waa heard from him
for more than a year, when he walked
Into the Parish house and astonished
Father Beckers, with, "Good evening,
father."
"Who the dlvll are ye? and where ye
been?   and where ye come from?"
"Don't you know me father. I am
little Pat McCarthy."
"The dlvll ye are! Where ye been?
and where did ye come from? and what
ye heen doln'?"
"Father, I have been a circus man."
"A circus man, the dlvll ye have!
What did ye do? and now did ye do it?"
"Why father, I performed on a trapeze, turned somersaults and stood on me
head."
"The divil ye did, now let me see
yeze do it, stand on yese head."
Pat began standing on hia head for
the gratification of the priest Just then
Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Maloney were
passing along the street from a hard
day's work down town scrubbing. Mrs.
Murphy said: "Mrs. Maloney, I haven't
been to confession this many a day, now
let's go and see father Beckers." "Arrab,
me darlint I am wid yese," said Mrs.
Maloney. As they approached the Pariah house Mrs. Murphy heard an unusual noise within, which caused her
to stop, then she stooped and peeped
through the key hole, and saw a sight
that caused ber to arise with an exclamation, "By the Holy Mother, Mrs. Maloney look! Father Beckers must be mad
as hell!"
"Why, what's the matter Mrs. Murphy?"
"Why, matter enough, Mrs. Maloney,
"father Beckers got a mon in there,
standing on his head for plnnance."
"Is that so, Mrs. Murphy, thin divil a
bit do I go to plnnance.   I haven't my
"Neither have I."
"Blessed Mary, Mrs. Murphy, what
yeze reckons the matter wid the mon."
The Vancouver Province says that
Duncan Ross looks like the mildewed
resemblance of a man. The Province
should not he so hard on poor Duncan.
No one outside can tell what these poor
politicians have to contend with. Perhaps Duncan got mildewed from sitting-
all night without holding a pair.
The reason that the Butte Miners'
Union Is so strongly opposed to socialism Is owing to the fact that the majority of its members are under the domination of a church that Is a deadly foe
to the advance of thought or the uplifting of the worklngman from the serf
that he hss always been to church, king
and capital-
Ottawa is said to be the most wicked
of all Canadian cities. In order to make
it worse Torrey, the well known expert
on hell bas been engaged to shoot hot
air at the devil while the suckers wilt
put up tbe expenses. Torrey has made a
specialty of bringing hell down to date.
When he talks about it you can smell the
sulphur and see the flames dancing
around millions of grafters. Torrey has
made money out of hell although he is
so superstitious that he will not use a
British hymnal.
The Ixirds Day Act now before the
grafters ln Ottawa Is a leaf blown from
the barbarous past Into a free country-
Its passage will mean that the people
of Canada are mentally childish, incapable of resisting the cunning of theological dope peddlers or their willing tools,
the grafting, vote-aeeking politicians.
Between the two Canada will be saddled
with a law that will hammer liberty
against the cross of fanaticism and engender rebellious thoughts in the minde
of all whose souls are free from the taint
of slavery.
MoGINNIS AND THE UNION LABEL.
Mr. Joseph A. McGlnnis was for unions
all the way:
He favored larger wages and a somewhat
shorter day,
A walkout always pleased him, though
he didn't have a cent
But when tihe delegate aaid "Strike" McGlnnis always went
He did the shopping for his wits because
he liked to know
That naught aave union articles were
purchased with his dough.
"Haa It got the union label?" McGlnnis
used to say,
"Has it got the union label? Show it to.
me if you're able,
If it hasn't got the label take tbe bloom-
in' thing away."
McGlnnis had no children, though ho
hoped to have eome day, ,' t
And his wife who "seen her duty," waa
opinioned the same way: ��
So when the stork arrived one day and
brought a bouncing boy
McGlnnis was elated���he was overcome
with joy,
He looked the baby   over,   hia   face
wreathed ia a grin,
When all at once a   thought   occurred
which filled him with chagrin.
"Haa it got the union label?" McGlnnis
used to say.
"Has lt got the union label? Show it io
me If you're able,
If it hasn't got the label take the bloom-
In' thing away."
Now. Joseph A. McGlnnis was a man
of good repute.
He went to church   on Sunday   in hia
union tailored suit
Like many other union men lie led a
blameless life,
And when he died the neighbors said,
"The blow will kill his wife."
He reached the pearly gates on time, aa
upright spirits do,
"Welcome," was Peter's greeting, "and
I have a harp for you."
"Has it got the union label?" McGlnnis
used to say.
"Has it got the union label? Show It to
me if you're able.
If it hasn't got the label take the bloom-
in' thing away." *;
���American  Printer.
The graft now raging at Ottawa .la
said to be something like the ravages of
la grippe upon the physical system. The
disease is exceedingly contagious and
almost every Grit and his family have
suffered from lt. Expulsion from office,
or a visitation of Providence is the only,
sure remedy.
After all the dollar ia the god and
king of America and moat of the Inhabitants bow to it like a Swiss waiter
chasing a tip. With money you can buy
anything from murder to a matrimonial
alliance and the story is generally fir-
en out that a rich man can no more cat
Into heaven than a pack mule can go-
through the eye of a darning needle
without breaking the diamond hitch.
"*> i ��� i...I...--i,,��� LOWERY'S OLAIM
Better Catch On.
Hubbard, In Philistine.
The average person, although perhaps
free from superstitious beliefs, is not
free from orthodox habits.
The habit of fear, hate, and cold feet
is upon us all.
Very much otherwise sensible people
labor under the hallucination that it is
the quantity of food we eat that makes
us strong. After a square meal, with
plenty of meat, we expect to be ready
for any conflict���mental or physical���
and if we do not get quite enough to eat,
or just what we want, we feel 'weak as
a cat." and explain tbe fact to our
friends.
Many people have to be supplied coffee
in bed before they have the courage to
face the day.
I know a man who weighed two hundred who occasionally awakens in the
night and feels so faint, that he gets up
aad gropes his way to the pantry where
he fortifies himself against fate with a
mince pie.
The superstitious habit is upon us!
What we need to know is that lack of
health, diminishing strength, business
disasters, loss of friends, and that faint
feeling are all directly caused by chronic
abnormal conditions of mind.
Like old Job, that which we feared
has come upon us. By a wrong mental
attitude we have set in motion a train
of events that ends in disaster.
People who die in middle life from disease, almost without exception, have
been preparing for death. Tbe acute
tragic conditio nis simply the result of
a chronic state of mind���a culmination
of events.
ln days agone I have taken some sidewinders at doctors, but I now want to
say, to ease my conscience, that there
are a few doctors who are big, generous,
truthful men, and who are brave enough
to tell their patients truth even at the
risk of offending them. One of the big
men of this country is Dr. J. H. Tilden
of Denver. Tilden ls so big aud great
that be has never been encysted in
professional learning; nor lost In a capsule of Latin derivatives; nor bas he
like a small sponge, been sewed up
through error, in an obdominal cavity by
an over-worked or absent-minded surgeon.
Sometime ago I made the statement
that cancer was often the direct result
of persistent wrong thinking, and it
brought down on me through the malls
a fine assortment of epithets from people
who were confident they knew better.
But now comes Dr. Tilden and not
only declares that hate, worry, excens,
fear, and midnight meals may cause
cancer, but hernia also. And that thi
conditions named may so thin your
blood and relieve it of its fibrin, that if
you have a tooth pulled, there Is not sufficient coagulating substance In the
blood to stop hemorrhage and you may
bleed to death, this with the help of a
-fool doctor who stimulates your heart's
action instead of diminishing it
'The typhoid fever bacillus lives for
three weeks and then dies, unless the
doctor stuffs his patient and feeds the
germs so they may reproduce, then the
fever last six weeks or possibly twelve.
It is a contest between the bacilli and
patient���the winner taking the gate receipt* Tuberculosis is a fight between
the man and the microbes. -Often the
man dies first But if he can keep out
of doors, soak his hide full of sunshine
and eat nourishing food, and begins this
mode of life early enough, the tuberculae
die and the man Uvea on until he is
ninety-two An autopsy then would show
scare and cicatrices in the lung tissue,
caused by the ravages of the disease,
sixty years before.
Tuberculae are found In every healthy
person, but in reasonable quantity. It
is only an excess of tuberculae that is
dangerous. In right numbers bacilli tear
down worthless tissue so Nature can
remove it, and thus are a beneficial factor in life's economy. Wasn't lt David
Haruin who told us a reasonable number
of fleas were good for a dog?
Once when 1 waa about fifteen year*
old I went with my father to see a man
who waa suffering from strangulated
hernia, the result of an,accident Two
doctors were working over him. and the
poor fellow was suffering terribly from
their manipulations. My father took
charge of the case at once. "Here.
Bert." he said. "You get hold of this
man's feet and stand on that chair!"
I seized the patient by the ankles and
stood' him on hia head. In ten seconds
the hernia was reduced.
My father applied a tampon, which
waa later replaced by a truss, snd the
man got well.
Question:���Did we reduce the hernia?
No, we simply availed ourselves of natural law���the law of gravitation. All
we did was to give Nature a chance.
Dr. Tilden Is so big and great that he
belives we should always give Nature s
chance.
Tilden says disease is the result of
wrong thinking, and wrong thinking
leads to wrong action, and wrong action
leads to reduced tonicity of the muscular
fibres and as result we get hernia, cancer, appendicitis���an attack upon the
weakest point ln our physical fortress.
Of course I like Tllel-n���he corroborates
what I say���or at least some of the
things I say���and from hia pew shouts.
"Amen!"
Most chronic invalids are suffering
from medication���poisoning of the system through drugs taken to relieve a
discomfort The said discomfort being a
beneficent warning on the part of Nature, trying to call attention to bad air,
bad food, too much food, budge, boose,
hate, fear, envy, jealousy and a hot intent to have a good time, a fear of punishment after death and a lustful looking forward to an eternity of Idle rest
in heaven.
These are all dangerous things���bad
for the digestion, causing malnutrition,
faulty circulation, Imperfect sleep, and
loss of that resiliency, or resisting power
witnout which health flags���the bars are
down, and the cows are tn the corn.
A rational love of life���this life here
and now���means allowing Nature's forces to play through you. Man Is a land
animal and an air-breathing animal.
You cant live In the water or up a tree
or up a akyscraper-all the time, if yoi'i
try it you soon lose your resisting power
and succumb to any old disease that
happens tobe along about that time, a
disease is like a gray wolf on the plain
���it attacks the weak, the lame, and th��
depressed-all who lag behind. Ami
when it gives a yelp, up from their hiding places come more wolves. No person ever died from one disease���he falls
victim to a whole pack of diseases He
acquires one. but doesn't succumb until
.another one with sharper fangs shows
up. This one that deals the deathblow the doctors call a "complication "
A doctor can manage lumbago, but
when the patient begins to retch, has
vertigo, hemorrhage, a fluttering heart
and reversed peristalsis begins, the doctor gets panic-stricken and joining
with the complication, gives morphine���
and rest follows.
In various state legislatures bills are
up giving doctors the right to kill their
patients, under certain conditions. Theae
are unnecessary measures, quite��� doctor take the Uvea of their patients now
and they always have.
If you do not want a doctor to take
your life, keep away from him. Uig
daily In the dirt; get on good terma with
trees and flowers, birds and grass���they
are your brothers, all; mix more with
animals and less with men; love horses
and cows anel care for them; be extravagant only in tbe use of fresh air: eat
anything you like, but in moderation;
think well of everybody���eveu doctors,
lawyers aod preachers, for they are all
acting according to their highest light.
Keep busy activity ls life. The genuine
joys of life are to be gotten from useful
effort, and to hunt for pleasure* Lh to
lose It Do your work and pleasure will
come to you. Health Is your due and
will flow to you naturally If you do not
get too anxious about lt. God Is on our
side.
The wide acceptance and practice of
Fletcheriam la bound to lessen human
ills and lengthen life to a degree no man
can compute.
The practice of Fletchelsm la as free
from danger as th" reckless use of the
warm pedaluvis. It demands no mechan-
iam snd soon evolves Into an enjoyable
habit, lis only disadvantage is that no
one can successfully do the work for
you���In Its exercise you cannot employ
cheap labor.
It ts so simple It makes the learned
laugh. When lt Is explained everybody
saya:    "We alwaya knew It"
In fact, a few have always practised It
It Is not patented, nor covered by
copyright
We can even make use of Fletcheriam
and hoot Fletcher; we can follow his
ideas and sneeze on mention of bis name.
although, as a mater of psychology. I
would advise anyone who wants to get
the most out of Fletcheriam to think of
Fletcher���and everybody.
What Is Fletchertsm?   Ill tell you.
lt Is the education of the physical
sense of taste.
How can I exercise my sense of
taste?
In only one way���by tasting.
When you eat, take small mouthfula LOWBRt'S CLAIM.
and taste your food���taste, taste, taste.
Hold your food in your mouth, and
taste it, masticate It chew it, munch it,
even though it be milk. Keep tasting it,
until the taste disapears and when this
happens It will disappear of Itself by Involuntary swallowing.
Nature's plan ia that the first step of
digestion shall occur in tbe mouth. The
saliva ia a chemical production���the invention of God, and you cannot safely
omit It Saliva changes starch into sugar.
People who put forth an effort to
swallow, bolt their food, and leave it to
the thirty-two feet of allmentry canal to
care for. Food not masticated���that is
perfectly mixed with saliva, putrefies,
throws off gas an dmakes of the man
more or leas of a nuisance to society.
Windy Bill as a companion ls no more
desirable than Calamity Jake, no matter how many college degrees he holds,
nor what church he attends.
Gents who eat seven courses, well
wsshed down, need a nap after dinner
with a copy of the New York World
over their faces to keep off the blue
bottles. They have bulk but not beauty,
else Instead of strength and sleepy tips
instead of subtlety of discernment.
Without making any argument for the
use oflntoxJcants, I wish to say that
the man who sips hie drink will never
become a drunkard, but the person who
gulps his drink may. All drunkards
gulp and bolt as a habit, and every drunkard la suffering from imperfect nutrition. Indeed, the craving for stimulants Is a-sure Indication of an improperly nourished body.
Most people are human sewer traps.
carrying with them constantly decaying
masses of refuse that keep them fifty
per cent sick. The real wonder is that
they live at all. Eczema, gout, headache, pimples, boils, bad breath, sre all
symptoms of food-poisoning.
Nature supplies us an unfailing guide
to quality snd quantity.
Thia guide is the sense of taste.
Where you taste everything you eat,
holding lt In your mouth and masticating It until the sense of taste is gone you
will never eat too much, nor will you
eat the wrong thing.
Meat that Is '"Igh" you can bolt like
a buzzard, but Nature will forbid your
holding it in your mouth and there reducing it to a fluid. Your glands will
refuse to supply saliva for it, ancl it
will be spewed like fslse doctrine.
Ptomaine poisoning���a most dreadful
thing���-could not occur If the person held
the morsel In his mouth and chewed it
for ten seconds. Man enjoy sthe supreme privilege of being sble to put an
enemy ln his mouth to steal away his
brains. He can eat the wrong thing���
the wild ass of the desert never does.
Man enjoys the sole distinction, of all
the animals, of being the only one that
resorts to suicide. Man Is often on such
bad terms with life the he runs away
from it���in him the elements are not
well mixed.
That which tastes right and to which
the salivary glands respond, is good for
food and wil agree with yon: that
which makes you close your eyes and
work your swallowing apparatus hard���
all that whtch has to be washed down
or that requires a chaaer, is going to
tax your vitality thirty per cent ad
valorem and eventually take your carcass for pay.
Fletcheriam does not mean that you
shall diet, nor painstakingly select and
analyze. It means eat anything you
like, but chew It until it is swallowed
automatically. Enjoy it���that is the
Idea Eat like an epicure who lives to
eat���thia is the kind of eating that will
make you live.
To masticate the morsel, holding it In
your mouth until it is fluid, means that
you will cut down the quantity of your
food about one-half. Sip your coffee and
chew It and you will never drink two
cups. Probably you will be satisfied
with less than one cup. One egg will
satisfy you, where before lt required two.
And as for meat a gradual dislike for
thefleah of dead animals will come stealing over your senses. Cannibals I am
told, always bolt their missionary.
Fletcherism implies the calm, quiet,
deliberate enjoyment    of    your    food.
Things you cannot enjoy you will not
eat Nature will take care of you���trust
her! Eat to enjoy your food, and for
no other reason. When you cannot
enjoy your food do not eat. Trust your
desires. If you have no appetite, it
means that your system demands a rest.
Have faith���you are a part of Nature
and are very dear to her���she will not
desert you.
The a*ze Is right for Fletcherism for
we no longer believe tht Nature Is a
trickster, luring us on Into sin and
wrong to work our ruin.
Through tbe belief that Nature was
opposed to God. men turned from the
enjoyment of the senses as base. We
first replaced Nature with religion, and
theu we Introduced a strange composite
thing, born of one parent, the Intellect,
and we call it civilization.
It has been for Horace Fletcher to
show us that Nature and Civilization are
not wholly incompatible.
Civilization has well nigh deprived us
of physical courage by appointing Irish
specialists with night sticks and hurry-
up wagons to protect us, instead of allowing us to protect ourselves.
Our search for knowledge has made us
myopic, so we grope Instead of seeing.
A very commonplace yellow dog has
����  ��*etter sense of smell than the best
man.
Tbe sense of taste in many people is
almost rudimentary. And down in Philadelphia a doctor has discovered a new
disease for which he prophesies   great
things.
He calls it "the Telephone Ear," and
he haa a private hospital where he oner
at��s on affected souse.
There have ben those who say tbat
the man of the future will be bald,
blind, deaf and devoid of the sense of
smell and taste. Sans eyes, sans ears,
sans taste, sans everything! However,
we are not alarmed, for before this dread
condition comes, people will cease to
reproduce. The third generation, now,
c.ttv bred, is impotent The argument
of Malthus that If the rate of increase
I kept on, that In the year 2000 mankind
(would be standing on each other three
deep has no terrors, for we know that
long before men stand on each other's
heads they will cease to breed. Starving people do not fall in love.
Horace Fletcher says: "Use your
senses and use them rationally If you
would keep them,'
There Is only one sense really, and
that Is feeling. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting are all variation^ of the
sense of feeling. See, hear, smell, taste
���enjoy.
Mr. Fletcher especially believes that
through the disuse of our sense of taste
we have acquired abnormal appetlties���
vicious desires���false taste, and the only
way to get back to Nature Is to chew,
masticate, munch everything we eat
To give the world a scientific lesson
Mr. Fletcher placed himself under the
charge of physicians who kept accurate
record of his physical functions for a
year and found that with one-half the
food consumed by the average person,
the man had double the capacity for
work. He proved this; it is not what
you eat, but what you digest that gives
you strength.
Then Mr. Fletcher took various other
candidates and by following his plan of
perfect tasting and complete mastication, with no special plan of exercise or
diet, the quantity of their food-waa reduced and the weight of the persons waa
cut down, in some cases, from rJwo hundred to one hundred and sixty ipounds.
All this with a greatly increase*! capacity for mental and physical endurance.
To practice Fletcherism you^tdo not
have to send for Fletcher. You do
not even have to get his consent or remit him anything for the right to use
his ideas.
All you have to do is to taste, taste,
taste, and chew, munch and masticate.
Great is Horace Fletcher for he haa
told us the things we always knew, but
which we never knew we knew until he
told us.
���
HARD ON FRISCO
"Veil," said George Henry Fisher, aa
he bustled into our editorial parlor and
sat down on the powder magazine, "dot
vas an awful dongs vat happened mlt
'Frisco. It just put me in mind of vat
I read at der time aboud Sodamned
und Gomorrow. Dose town vera awful
vickedund Gott call up der devil ofer
der telephone and say: 'BUI, go to Sod-
omned und Gomorrow und find me six
goot men.' BUI he vent but he could not
find der six so Gott tell Bill to give dem
a big dose, und he did, you bet"
"Veil," said George as he looked at a
brewery picture on the wall, "'Frisco
vas much der same as dose old towns,
so Gott sends a wireless message to Bill
telling him to hit der pike for 'Frisco
und bring pack just two goot men. BUI
he go but he come pack vidout der two
goot mens und den -Gott tell Bill to pull
der wire und 'Frisco goes Kersmaah!
Vid Its tallywaggle in ruins, and ita
people looking at hell vid der lid smashed rigd troo der middle. My nerves are
ao bad efer since dat 1 must now go out
mlt der door und prospect for a brewery,
t vlnd aome float dis mornings/' 7.-''r,rr, r:r-7fOKKmmmmum*mmmm
CLAIM
Watch The Curtain.
By BUI Barlow.
Are your window curtains long enough
���and are you sure? The public with its
all-seeing eye���the envious and disgruntled���the Mother Grundys consumed with curiosity, and the holier-than-
thoue who lead the bunch as hide hunters���all have their eyes glued to the
bottom of the sash and are ready to
holler fire at the first symptom of something doing within. Better to ba sure���
anyway, give 'em another yank, for
luck!
My Methodist brethren up at White
Pigeon, Michigan, are doing a sack-
clothian stunt in the sere and yellow and
filling the pine woods with earnest prayer for a couple of souls irretrievably
lost���just because of two inches of curtain which ought to have been but
werent It grew out of an excess of zeal
���a desire to do overtime in the local
vineyard. Sinners were not being shovelled into the hopper fast enough by the
local pastor, the Rev. C. H. Anderson���
who, by the way, had a young and lovely wife who could do her trick at the
prayer wheel like a neophyte. It was
decided that what the community needed
waa an old fashioned revival and to this
end a noted travelling evangelist named George &. Allen was engaged to assist local talent in the work of warming up the weary and heavy laden and
compelling Satan to get a move, lt
was arranged that G��t-Em-All Allen
should be Rev. Anderson's guest during
his stay. The meetings opened well as
they always do, and within a week tbe
rush for the penitential bench took on
all the eclat of a department store bargain counter. Brother Allen was a hoss
as-an exhorter, and could expound the
word until there was nothin' in it but
hands up and come right in. Meanwhile
he occupied the guest chamber at tbe
house of his host; Mr. Anders >n being
an invalid slept alone as was bis wont.
with his wife In an adjoining room���also
ensuite with that of their guest as it
happened, but protected as to privacy by
a locked door. The meetings ran on
Into the second week; but one night Rev
Mr. Anderson heard an unusual noise in
the room adjoining his own and ou attempting to enter and ascertain what
waa the cause was unable to gain admittance; but being unwilling to awaken
hia wife who had retired an hour before
he went back to bed. The same noises
and: same conditions obtaining the night
after, the gentleman decided to investigate. Then minutes later he had his
face glued to a sash where hung a curtain which was two inches short���then
crept back to his couch, mind-wrecked
and broken.
Better take a look at that curtain, ere
it la everlastingly too late!
Brother Allen had the devil on the
run���the deacons were agreed that there
was no doubt as to that. A frenzy
swept the town .and Its population of
700 souls fairly filled the church to overflowing. Hie sermon the next night was
a powerful and scathing arraignment of
the home wrecker. "Woe unto tbe de-
spoiler of the home," said he. "There
Is one law for the woman and another
for the man who if anything la more
guilty. Both should he equally punished. There ia no more heinous crime
than to mislead a worthy womaa." An
hour after the service four faces were
glued to the sash where hung that abbreviated shade���the pastor having called three of the brethren to witness a
condition which to them sensed incredible. Next day Mr. Allen left town on
foot and by preemptory request, and
Mrs. Anderson took the first train on a
visit to her mother���and notices were
posted about the village that owing to
the sudden Illness of the evangelist the
series of revival meetings must be die-
continued for the present.
Are your window curtains long enough
���best be sure!
When Mme. Re Jane showed Jimmie
Hyde and his friends a few things ln
Parisian lags and lingerie and Watson
hollered "Wow!" insurance and corporate leaders, liars and leeches smiled
a supercilious and wondered wearily
what fell we were going to do about It.
They were all right���always   had   cut
There a a rumpus and row <��, m
ial clrclea   Hia Whiskers or Her hSi
neas decide that fences must be built
and lines of demarcation located   and
plotted aiid graved on tablets of stone
whereby the blue-bloods may  be dis
tlngulshed from the common, every dav"
beily-buttona.   There is always an aris'
tocracy, dontcherknow-it is a question
of refinement aa against a rough house
on   the   rebound-Cui.ture   vs    Co-*!
Socka-whether or no the stall-fed shall
mingle with the common   herd tn th��
big corral    Nobody with a reasonably
freah recollection of   a    revolutionary
greatgrand can afford to touch elbows
with a people who turn up their nose at
that sacred shrub, the family tree  Finally some fool remembers that It was on
the section His Whiskers made his first
raise, and that Her Highness was an
automowalt ln a Chink chill���the which
brethren, again appreciably accentuates
the points of the parable of the short
shade.
Are your window curtains long enough
���heat be euro!
The prudent man remembers, always
when confronted with temptation, that
their own cheese ***_*****��   tbeydj there are many windows at whlc��j some-
��ne waits, it does not nasasaarlty tc i-
low that he girds up bis ihns and i :.i,
Satan get a hustle and fall .*i behind,
however; but does afford i.iar./ a timely
hunch to pull down th* blind net it* undertaking a writ of moral n: other hi1(-
erceraa. The scandalous re*'"la'. Urn*
which we get In the newspapers nowa-
daya are largely the resull or bar-etnls-
ter assurance run riot -doubtless many
of them small and Inconscqtp-ntlal in the
beginning, but now grown to mammoth
proportions In thc cultures of graft anel
unlimited license. The Dlgelow and
municipal exposures at Milwaukee-the
strike-graft scandal at Chicago���the *<as
lease and the Gaskell uprising st Philadelphia���the ever-widening Equitable
upheaval ln New York, and the hundtvd-
and-one Instances wherein social calciums   have   made   raw   hamburger  of
slice the swag as they pleased���along
with their sisters and their cousins and
their aunts and a few friends, if the
great American lobacouae didn't like
their way of doing business they could
tell their troubles to Little Llzbeth. And
when the something-doing demand finally became a hue and cry that would
no longer be denied a hearing, why they
said "sure"���nothing would pleas** them
better than a cellar-to-garret investigation. You know���so does McCurdy and
I Depew and others whose frost-bit ten
i bunions are exposed this minute to forty
| below zero In the pillory of public opinion. They had lived behind closed
snd double-locked bribery and license so
; long they felt secure from the ever prying eye���forgetting the missing two inches of opaque shade which ought to
have been there but wasn't.
Are your window curtains long enough heretofon, recognized morsl law
_lw��wt     Im    unru' . ......
these*
have created w**ll-nlgh universal distrust
and lined the lane with Piaa-Uke towers
-best be sure
Somebody dies and there Is universal
regret. He was a good tnan-a Christ- "ncj iVvkeJ'lh^broVen miuinns Haat-a
Ian gentleman who as citizen and father fo   w>w ri(>|) ���     how. ..,���. wm.
of a family had 1*1 an praiseworthy ami ^ w| for   hiV(t an(|        ,.r   (!l,.
exemplary life He bad ben a deacon tn ,lk.n|| of r, h| ,��� tl,at |Wllll> of Wnf8
the church, always a stickler of pop-L, ulu>n lll|H. thft, ..whlll , UKl. ���
goes-the-weasel piety a persuasive pur-|m|n   ..     fc|% ,    ,   |oolM,nlng  of ���,,,.
^^A^^JL^S^*?!?^ fashioned ties of honesty and morality
and a thirty-two Incandescent at Sunday school aolries.    It Is recalled that
he was also hell for the sanctity of his
under a freer and faster regime���the
lure of the flesh and the swapping of
materialism  for senaoallsm���these and
???S?^^^^?^*^L1.^^?.-.��^?!Imori and much of which according to
the old proverb of "What people don't
know won't hurt 'em" would never have
been, had the atnner looked after the
shade. Nobody Is entirely honest In
all the word Implies, netther with himself nor with others���you ami 1 and
everyone wear a handkerchief over the
face In which we cut two holes and be-
LUlth passed by on the other side, and
that it was once whispered among the
elect that he had actually expressed au
opinion mildly criticizing the Saviour
because of His perverse views anent the
proper punishment which ought to have
been meted out to the unclean but penitent Mary the Magdalen.   He is buried
^x^r^x^vr?^ w- ����* - ��������-�� w,"rh -
and on the third day a morganatic wife
with four pledges of affection bobs up
and puts in a claim for mortuary alimony.
Are   your   window   curtains    long
enough���best be sure!
know to be contraband according to going ethics, snd through which we try to
size up the other fellow's cards. We are
not criminals ln that sense; but the man
or woman doesn't live who does not endeavor to deceive and dupe to a elegree.
Honesty U still the best policy, as thoy LOWERY'S CLAIM
who trangreas learn  sooner or later;
but if you must-
Are your window curtains long enough
���best be sure!
The peanut-head who has made his
pile through sheer stress of physical and
social starvation���the swell-head who
forgets to remember the friends who
made bim���the politician who loses sight
of his people���the knocker whose nut
needs nailing, the grafter and hypocrite
and liar and thief and all their Ilk���all
fail at some time of life to either yank
the Hartshorn all the way down or put
out the light���and we get a look-in
which while it may break up a revival,
does help a little.
And Anally, a word with you, dear:
Are you window curtains long enough-
best be sure!
THE HIDDEN HOARD.
I have read the story of captain Kldd,
till it started me wishing I was a sailor
and had a spade.
As I grew older���for you never grow
younger���I concluded that all this hooray about buried treasure was rot, till
Big BUI married Sar' Ann.
���It waa this way. Sar' Ann had been
pretty clost with Big Bill, an' had gone
through his pockets on several occasions. So when Big BUI came home the
other night pretty middlin' full, he bid
his bullion in the clock and went to bed.
In the morning he woke up with an awful head on him. He reckoned up where
he had been���In the Shades, sure thing;
he and the bartender had bad a tiff about
the change there. And at the Gold Dollar���the feller who butted Into the treat
got turned down���and���where was his
money? BUI got out of hed and felt in
his pockets. Nothing there! Robbed!
robber! robbed!
The cold sweat started on him.
"Sar' Ann!" he said to his wife, "quit
playin' yer jokes. You've got the
money."
"What money?"
"The money 1 had ln my clothes last
night"
"You hadn't a nickel In your clothes,
you drunken brute! Why do you ask me
for It for? Why don't you go to some
of the bums thai you associate with?
I'm a decent woman. 1 don't pick pock-
eta, and even if I did go through you it
would be a God's blessing."
He went down town sad at heart, and
stood unhappy and moneyless at tbe
corner where the people are thickest
The great clock hypnotized him. He
stared at it till it seemed to point somewhere���to talk to him. He thought he
saw In the dial a nervous imp who was
nopping about in a frenzy trying to put
him next to something.
At last lt dawned upon him���the clock
at home���Ah! how cunning he had been!
He fled towards his home. He might
have walked for all thc good lt did him.
Iror his wife, who kept her little feminine secrets ln the clock, had reached
in for one and found A Wad!
She lightly lifted here lingerie, there
was a snap of elastic, and that wad was
hid Inside the wainscoting of the hosiery
department
That's what I call buried treasure;
and it'a like Captain Kldd'a dough���
you can't get at it���no, you can't get at
it���The Khan in Hamilton Herald.
BILL BARLOW'S WIT.
She  was weighed���but,  alas,    found
wanton.
* *   ���   ���
True love stands for constancy���vows
were made for those whom a cable would
not hold.
S    ���    ���    ���
The morning cocktail ia the banana
peel on which so many slip when setting
out on the path of reformation.
��� ���     ���    ���
God bless us all���that will hold Him
for a while.
e��     ���      ���     ���
What would seem to fill the bill ia a
creed which can compete with a toboggan elide.
��� ���     ���     ���
Gratitude with her, may be for favors
past���with him, too often, is for favors
expected.
��� ���   ���   ���
Prudery is not modesty���virtue profits as often from bad example as the
other.
MORE BUNCO
Noncomformlty in    Wharfedale    has
I been thrown into commotion by the ad-
) vent of a new sect known as "the Church
of Christ" or, as they are more popularly designated, "The Millenial Dawn-
ists."
The sect holds that man Is mortal and
tbat lie will not be endowed with a soul
until the resurrection, which is timed for
��� 1915. Then Christ will appear on earth
[and preside at the head of the church
which will consist only of those who
have been faithful and true under the
new dispensation.
This will he the beginning of the millennial age, which will continue for one
thousand years. During this period
Christ and the church will act as the
tribunal, and all who have not previously joined this new church will be
given an opportunity of attaining the
perfect life. Guides will be provided to
direct thein along the paths of holiness,
and the devil will be chained up in order
that they may be saved from temptation.
If, at the end of a thousand years,
they succeeded in reaching their original state, the spotless Adam, they will
be endowed with life everlasting, but
will not be admitted to the church, this
privilege having been forfeited by not
joining the correct church before the
dawn of millennium. The members of
this church are to be the bride df Christ
In the new era, and tbey will be the first
to rise at the resurrection and be known
as the first fruits. The next will be
those who ultimately win salvation and
are admitted to life eternal, while all
the rest will go to the second death,
which is everlasting death.���London
News, '
A NEW CURE FOR HICCOUGH
* *-     * -i t  .,
Hundreds of remedies for hiccoughs
have been suggested, ranging from different drugs to physical culture exercises. Here is one suggested by an ordinary bartender;
Give me   something   for   the   h\c-
coughs," said a patron to him recently.
I m eober all right, but I have those
annoying belches."
The bartender produced a clean towel
and filled a glass with water. He
stretched the towel tightly over the top
of the glass and handed it to the sufferer
"Drink the water through the towel"
he directed. The man on the other side
of the bar did so, and presently announced that his attack of hiccoughs
had ceased.
"It never fails," remarked the bartender, turning to wait upon another customer.
-
LITTLE ALFIB
King Alfonso of Spain, says the Rip-
Saw, was married in June. God pity
poor Ena, as he is a moral reprobate as
far as he has got sense enough to be, and
it don't take much sense to be a degen-
ate.
Little "Alfie," about a year ago, took
it into his "noodle" that he was going
to see the sights, so he got together
his cigarette paper and his nightshirt
and set out for Paris, France, and after
he got there he let the "moguls" of
France understand that he wanted to
have a hell of a time, and he wanted
that time to begin right quick.
It is told of this little "rooster" that
after reaching his hotel In Paris he had
a doll-faced female sent up to his room
so that he could make love to her.
There has been a French play put on
the boards called "His First Journey,"
and in that play is depicted "Alfie's"
love affair with this Parisian siren. It
is a most disgusting and nauseating affair, and the Spanish authorities will
try their hardest to have the play ruled
off the stage as they are- afraid that
Princess Ena will learn of "Alfs"
meanderings In Paris and refuse to put
her clothes in his trunk.
in �����.-   I.  i i
EFFECTS OF COFFEE
While without doubt some prejudice
has been awakened against coffee by
advertising its alleged evil effects, the
grocer who finds that there is strong
feeling against the use of tbe berry will
not be hard pressed to find plenty of
authoritative matter stating that coffee
Is not harmful, but is positively beneficial. There are people who cannot drink
coffee without suffering. There are
people who cannot drink milk. We once
knew a lady who could not eat strawberries without suffering violent pains for
some hours afterward. The vast majority ot us find that milk is the foundation of living, that strawberries are delicious and that coffee helps ue and doea
not hurt us in the least
A distinguished dietist announces that
the only thing in coffee whloh could be
considered harmful is caffeine, and that
it is found in quantities ot less than 2
per cent He believes that much ot the
trouble produced by drinking coffee
comes from using it with milk. As far
aa la known, coffee is not a tissue
builder, but it is a tissue saver, aa it
prevents tissue waste to a certain extent  It is also a slight stimulant
n 10
I In i I. ��� ���
���-���*��
LowEHY*e Claim
TEN RULES THAT LEADS TO
SUCCESS
1. Take as much interest in your employer's business as if it were your own.
2. Do not expect to get all you can
and give nothing. Do a little more
work than ia demanded.
3. Be prompt Show that you have an
interest in your work above a desire for
a half hour ia bed in the morning.
You can't come down a half hoar late
every morning and impress your employer with the idea that you are a
wide-awake, active man or woman with
an interest in your work.
4. Do your work well today, you won't
have to do any of it over again tomorrow.
5. Be cheerful and willing. A sullen
countenance is not pleasant to look upon either by an employer or a customer.
Remember your pulling powers with a
customer is one of your assets. The reverse will be your loss. Be courteous.
Do not thrust your own trouble and in-
harmony upon those around you. It is
a poor investment
6. Be conscientious. Don't take too
v.*uch interest ln ball games, theatres,
parties, etc., or you may find that you
have not much time left to give to your
work. Don't have a relative die too
often. Funerals sometimes grow monotonous to an employer during the baseball season or on matinee afternoons.
7. Do not make the aame mistake
twice.
8. Do not let your thoughts be always
wool-gathering if you expect an increase
of salary on payday.
9. Do not shirk your work and he always thinking of the money side of the
proposition. Give good value for the
money you* receive and you will be cure
to succeed.
10. Put yourself in your employer's
place and figure out what kind of an employee you would hire to get the most
out of your business.
There is no short easy road to success, but it is well worth travelling.���
Printers' Ink.
of the age, Indeed, ia toward condensation. People live in fiats, own folding
baby carriages, aad even drink condensed milk. -There ls no reason why sermons should not share in this general
condensing process. They have of course,
to a great extent, if we compare the modern sermon with Its two-hour predecessor of half a century ago, but many persons believe there is room for still more
improvement. Brevity may be the soul
of sermons as well as the soul of wit
People nowadays are more intellectually nimble. They are quicker to catch a
point and the elaboration of ideas after
the style of the old three-decker discourse, is not required. The long sermon
is simply an excuse for a snooze. The
preacher who knows his business can
say enough in fifteen minutes to keep
one thinking the rest of the week. Not
every clergyman will have the courage
to invite his congregation to hold a stop
watch on him, but it is an excellent
idea. What we want are better proportioned sermons; deeper, bnt not so
long. The "say-when" sermon is characteristic of this hustling nation.���
Pittsburg Gazette.
SAY-WHEN artRMONS
A pulpit innovation, which we cannot
but regard as even more radical than the
preaching phonograph which was commented upon recently ln these columns,
is to be introduced by the Bev. James
Clarkson, of Detroit   Beginning today,
he wUl preach none hut what for the
lack of a better term we may call "say-
when" sermons.  That ia to any, the minister will depend upon his congregation
to tell him when to conclude hia sermon.
"Whenever you think I have   preached
long enough, I want any of you to say
eo,  and I  will immediately  announce
the last hymn.  It ia not always possible
for a preacher to tell just   when   he
should saw off, and I for one, shall be
grateful for suggestions.   You will not
offend be by calling time.   Say when,
and I'll stop."
We have all heard of the clergyman
who, upon reminding a young woman
parishioner that them ia a sermon ln
every blade of glass, waa reminded, ln
turn, that "grass la cut very short at
this season of the year."  The tendency
how to do It
But the church aa well aa the state ia
under indictment Haa not tha church
been telling ua that the individual problem la everything; that if the Individual soul is saved, society will save itself? Are not the packers church members? Is not their gold lifted to God
every Sabbath day? Do not their pastors encourage them in the idea that
their sous are already saved? Haa the
enure* lost ita effectiveness, or is its
philosophy wrong? But while we are
waiting for the church to convert the
packers, or for socialism to convert the
packing business, why not turn vegetarians?
There are weary arguments for and
agalnstthis course. But "don't argue���
try it" This Is the ttme to make tbe
experiment Perhaps meat eating ls not
at all a necessity, aa is thought but only
We are not responsible for the tooth
and claw struggle of the universe. That
la the saddest of mysteries. But we remember the words of the prophet:
"They shall not hurt or destroy ln ail
my holy moutain." Those words were
born in man's soul, is It not his destiny to give them reality?
���HERBERT S. BIGELOW.
TOO GOOD TO  LIVE
The grimy-looking tramp espied the
cottage door ajar and little Johnnie
playing at marbles Ju.it inside, ao he
pounced on hia prey. "Look 'ere young
'un," said he, taking him by the collar
.....*-..��. ��������.v����~.*, �����.��.��.....��.- j gjjj shaking him, "Just tell me where
And to this category of ripe pro-1 your father ke���pa hJg ^^    And !f
you don't, I'll knock your head off and
then I'll eat you." "Oh, please don't do
that sir," said little Johnnie. "You'll
find ail the money we've got in an old
waistcoat in the back kitchen sir."
8ixty seconds later a human avalanche
was hurled bodily through the front
door. It alighted ln the gutter, wbere
It sat awhile and opened and shut Ita
eyes t osee If It was still alive. Partially assurred on that important point
at last, it said���"That kid's too good to
lira He's too smart to be natural.
Never said a word about tbe old man
being Inside o' that there old weskit."
FLESH EATING.
In hia famous letter to the London
Times, on the land question in Russia,
Tolstoy spoke of several ideas as ripe
for discussion and action. He spoke of
private property in land as the"nearest
and most obvious evil." He held that
besides facing thia evil our civilization
must also face the problems of capital
punishment, prostitution, and militarism
hlema he added the practice of flesh-eat
Ing.
The packinghouse exposure Is the most
effective argument ever made for a vegetarian diet It will be hard for imaginative people to forget those dead rats and
amputated fingers. They will reflect tha/
there ia already an army of government
meat Inspectors. If, with all these ln
specters, it took a socialist novel to acquaint the public with conditions, how
secure wdll these Imaginative people feel
when the government bas a few more
inspectors?
We used to go to the priests for salvation. Now we go to the state. We fly
to the arms of the government inspector,
lust as If he had not already lieen tried
and found wanting. "Oh." sal da lady,
'the government le goin gto put a label
on meat It will be all right now." Great
ls government! With a government label
on the sausage, and a rabbit's foot
around the neck, may luck be with us!
At any rate, we may try eating as governor Plngree used to vote, holding the
none.
Socialists have capitalized this Incident They have a right to���It was a
socialist who started It So they say.
"Let ua establish government packing
houses. And the one recourse which
seems to occur to everyone���an Increase
of the Inspectors���>Ia soelallatio In its
tendency.
There la this difference between socialistic people and socialists. The socialists want the government to stick
our pigs for ua The socialistic people
want the government to tell tha packers
HE KNEW HE WAS SAFE.
Scene: Luncheon at a fashionable
iouse in Park Lane. Charles, agad five.
Is misbehaving himself; his mother
(sotto voice): "If you don't behave yourself, Charlie, "I'll smack you!" Charlie:
"You can't ma; I'se sitting on lt!"
���Birmingham Weekly Foot
A Kansas paper tells a story of an old
negro who rose up In his church and
made these earnest remarks: "Bred-
erln' and slstern", I'se been a mighty
mean nigger ln my time. I'se had a
heaps of ups and downs���'specially
downs, since I jlned the church. I'ae
stole chickens and watermllllons; I'se
cussed; got drunk; I shot craps; I'se
slashed odder coons wid my razor, and
done a sight o' other things, hut thank
de LaWd, brederin and elstern', I'se
never yet lost my religion.* LOWERY'S OLAIM
THE DIVINE RACKET.
Senator Beveridge, of Indiana, a few
weeks ago, la the Indiana state convention, made a speech declaring that
"President Roosevelt waa divinely chosen to lead the nation."
 Now wouldn't that kind of "rot"
make a man of only ordinary Intelligence
throw up hia socks?
This "divine racket business" is the
same stuff that la preached by kings
and queens to their "doped" subjects.
Any man who will preach auch a fallacious doctrine la a fool for the lack or
sense, or else he desires to betray the
confidence of the masses.
Now. if president Roosevelt was "divinely chosen" to lead the nation, bow
does lt come that the God of heaven had
to use stolen money to help elect him?
As it is a notorious fact that there was
hundreds of thousands of dollars used to
turn the trick, and $50,000 of that
amount was stolen from the policy-holders ot the New York Life Insurance company. Now, if God Almighty Is running heaven on stolen money, then we
cant see much difference ln going to
hell, or having a pair of wings screwed
on us after death to flap around in a
heavenly atmosphere dominated by
thieves and thugs.���Rip-Saw.
.       - .���     i ��� ***��� ���   ��� i  f,
FURTHER THAN THAT
Once, when Chauncey M. Depew was
making a trip through the south his
train stopped to cool *a hot box at a desolate little place In Arkansas. Then*
was nothing In sight but a tumble down
station, a few stunted trees, a great expanse of red clay and a forlorn native,
who stood leaning against the side of
the dilapidated building.
Mr. livpew walked around a bit and
then apoke to the native: "Live here?'
he asked.
"Yeasuh."
"Well, well." commented Depew, "1
should hate to he fixed like that Thia
place must be a mile from God's knowledge."
".Stranger.' satd the native, ss he
shifts dfrom one foot to the other, "It's
a leetle ftinier nor that."
GLERK  WAS   ACCOMMODATING
"Speaking of accommodating hotel
clerks," remarked a Portland traveller,
"tbe best I ever say was In a town near
Bangor. I reached the hotel late in tbe
evening and was assigned to a pretty
tidy-looking room. Just before I retired
I heard a scampering under the bed and
looked under expecting to see a burglar. Instead I saw a couple of large rats
just escaping Int othelr hole. I dressed
and went down to the office and put ln
a big kick. The clerk was ss serious
as a summer's breeze.
"TI fix that all right .sir,' he said.
'Front! Take a cat up to 23 at once."���
Minneapolis Times.
11
must be unscrewed and laid in a cool
place under a Up. If the baby does not
thrive on freah milk, it should be boiled. ���Philadelphia Times.
THE PICKET GUARD.
"All quiet along the Potomac," they say.
Except here and there a stray picket
Is shot, as he walks on his beat to and
fro,
By a rifleman hid In the thicket.
Tis nothing���a private or two now and
then
Will not count   in the news of   the
battle;
Not an officer lost���only   one   of   the
men-
Moaning out, all   alone,   the   death
rattle.
Far away in the cot on the mouutain.
All quiet along the Potomac tonight
Where   the   soldiers   lie   peacefully
dreaming;
Their tents, in the rays   of   the   clear
autumn moon
Or ln the light of    their   campflres
gleaming.
A tremulous sigh as a gentle night wind
Through    the    forest    leaves    softly
creeping,
While the stars up above    with their
glittering eyes
Keep guard o'er the army while sleeping-
There is only tbe sound of the lone sentry's tread,
As he tram {is from the rock   to   the
fountain,
And thinks of the    two on    the    low
trundle bed
His musket falls   hack,   and   his   face
dark and grim.
Grows gentle with memories tender,
As he mutters a prayer for the children
asleep,
For   th��ir  mother���may  Heaven  defend her!
THE WISE WOMAN
"If a wife would keep her husband
her lover," says the Wise Woman, "let
him miss her now and then. Men get
tired of their wives fro mseelng them so
continually���the same face at breakfast three hundred and sixty-five times a
year, the same face at dinner year in
and year out Neither realizes what the
trouble Is, and the wife as often as not
thinks it is her fault, and prods herself
into greater conscientiousness, greater
fidelity. Stuff and nonsense! Let her
pack her grip and go off for a holiday.
Let hlm eat his dinner alone once in a
while. The attitude toward the wife of
taking her for granted���it is this whicb,
unguessed, unseen, lies at the bottom of
much of the domestic friction of the
day. In nine cases out of ten the woman Is its victim, but on the other hand,
it generally her fault to begin with."
These self-effacing, meek, ultra-conscientious little wives are the ones that
spoil the husbands. They become a
bore, like the aggressively neat woman
from whom the Lord preserve us!
SCANDAL.
Far blacker than a raven's wings,
It croaks and feeds on unclean things,
Nor lets the shadows of a doubt
Soften the lie it burrows out.
With tongue-blades keener than a knife,
It probes the bleeding wounds of life���
Lays bare the motive and the deed,
And carrion makes from flower-seed.
It mangles love, and smears with lust
Lilies of purity and trust-
Fattens on sins of king or slave,
And fouls with slime a new-made grave.
���William Hamilton    Hayne,    in    the
Independent
A Canadian firm recently placed with
the Montreal and Toronto newspapers
an advertisement of a new nursing bottle
it had patented, and was about to place
on ths market After giving directions
for use, the ad ended in this manner:���
"When the baby ia done drinking, it
The moon seems to shine as brightly as
then
That night  when the   love   yet   unspoken
leaped  up to his lips and when murmured vows
Were pledged to be ever unbroken.
Then, drawing roughly bis sleeve o'er
his eyes,
He dashes off tears that are welling
And gathers his gun close up to its place
As If to keep down the heart swelling.
He passes the fountain, the blasted pine
tree,
Hia footsteps are lagging and weary;
Yet onward he goes through the broad
belt of light
Toward the shades of the   forest   so
dreary.
Hark! Was it the night wind that rustled tho leaves?
Was it    moonlight    so    wondrously
flashing?
It looked like   a   rifle.     "Ha!     Mary,
good-by!"
And the lifehood is ebbing and plashing. . ... _, : i :. i-i'^tll.
HIS BEST TIP
The following story about Denman
Thompson, of "Old Homestead" fame, is
absolutely true:
It is pretty generally known that Mr.
Thompson was, and probably still is,
very fond of race horses, and liked to
have a bet down. Such a favorite actor
was the recipient, of course, of many tips
good, bad and indifferent.
Some years ago the "Old Homestead"
was playing a summer engagement at
the Acedemy of Music in New York, and
a certain trainer had been sending Mr.
Thompson tips on horses, but seldom on
a winner, consequently Mr. Thompson
had lost quite a lot of money.
One Saturday , just before the matinee, the old gentleman, Walter Gale and
others, were standing at the stage door
when a telegram was handed to Mr.
Thompson. He opened it, and after
glancing at the contents, chuckled and
exclaimed, "Well, b'gosh, this is the best
thing that darned trainer ever sent me.
Listen, boys: 'Don't know anything good
today."���Boston Herald.
-
THE REASON.
"I've Just been reading some statistics
of births and deaths. Extraordinary
thing! Every time I breathe a man
dies!" "Great Scott! Why don't you
chew cloves?"���London Judy.   % ^ li
LOWERY'S CLAIM
A COUNTRY WITHOUT OLD MAIDS
There are no old maids in Turkey aad
no equivalents for the word spinster ln
the Turkish language, according to Mrs.
L. Parkes-Richard, widow of Samuel
Richards, the American artist
"Whatever a girl's social position or
personal attraction-." says Mra. Richards,
who has lived a number of years In Constantinople "she Is considered to have a
right to a husband and she gets one. To
be unmarried is a shame In Turkey. Even
the slave girla after seven years of service get their freedom aad are presented with a husband. In Turkey married men are regarded with special favor. Yet as a fact they nave very little
to do with getting married. Neither,
for that matter, have the girla they
marry. It's the man's mother who does
it all. She makes a tour of the harems
that seem likely, looking over their eligible girls, and by-snd-bye she picks up
one for her son. It is a mother's privilege In Turkey to select her own daughter-in-law. The girls who are not voluntarily chosen are somehow supplied
with husbands by the bribes or diplomacy of their fathers. Sometimes this
system, which seems to have been devised for the special benefit of plain girts
and unattractive women, since the bride
is never seen unveiled by the bridegroom until after the marriage ceremony, results in tragedy.
���t
A CONUNDRUM
In the house of commons sit between
a hundred and two hundred men, all
apparently honest, straightforward fellows, yet part of them believed every
word that Borden, said and thought that
Sifton and Oliver were lying, white the
other part believed every word that 8lf-
ton and Oliver aaid, and set down all of
Borden's statements as barefaced lies.
At a horserace they would all agree that
the grayi horse got in first, but in the
house of commons one half would swear
that the gray horse was In the lead,
while the other halt would swear that
the black horse got to the wire first
Does polities make men dishonest, or
does It spread over them a hallucination,
or Is It a disease?���Grimsby Independent
II       ��� Hill.
man who haa learned to live in himself,
and not in his property; who does not
put hia trust In riches, but principle,
does not lose hia greatest possession
when he loses his money.���Success for
June.
THE FINEST TYPE
The finest type of manhood is never
overwhelmed or entirely dismayed, no
matter what comes. A man of thia beat
type may see his property swept away
from him, hia hopes blasted, hia ambitions thwarted and his plans demolished,
but his Spirit remains undaunted; ht?
courage, hia trust and hie self-confidence
are undiminished. Hie success is beyond
the reach of mere accident of fire, of
panic, or of temporary disaster; the
foundation of hia success is built span
the eternal rock of truth, bf Justice, of
probity, of high thinking, and of square
dealing, and no floods or misfortunes
or commercial devastations can reach
him. They do net touch tbe real man.
for hia investments are* k�� himself. It
la only the more shallow minds, men
without reserve of character, without
other resources than money or property,
that go down ln financial failure.   The
WARM
I wish girla wouldn't wear these waists
Their shoulders glimmer through.
I wish they would not wear the hose
Like mose of them do.
A dainty, coaxy, teaay, thin,
Most tantalizing blue;
White shoulders make one long to bite.
And blue-clad ankles���whew!
White shoulders clad in gauzy stuff
The dimples can peep through,
And hosiery like summer skies,
A dainty Alice-blue,
All covered���far as one can see���
With silken blossons, too;
Del iritis,  tantalizing things!
Just twinkling dreams and���whew!
I wish they would cut out those waists,
These shirt waists  peek-a-boo;
How can you look in a girl's eyes
With  dimples  peeping  through
The shoulders of her gown like that
Aad making eyes at you?
To see if her hat Is on straight
When blue-clad ankles���whew!
I wish the summer days were gone.
For my own peace 1 do;
And winter had wiped out these waists
We know as "peek-a-boo."
And these darned, dainty, teasing, slim,
Trim ankles, Alice-blue!
Gee! my thermometer's gone up,
'Way up to 92!
���J. M. Lewis, in Houston Post.
THE SHIRT MAN.
Upon a certain occasion General Sherman waa the guest of honor at a banquet, after which a reception was .held,
says the Boston Herald.
Among the people who filed ln to shake
hands with him, General Sherman noticed a face that was very familiar, but
which he could not place.
"Who are you?" he asked In apologetic aside, as he welcomed the guest
heartily.
The man blushed snd murmured behind a deprecatory hand: "Made your
shirts sir."   .
MAh, of course," exclaimed the general loudly, and turnlngf to the receiving
committee behind him, he aaid:
"Gentleman, allow me to present major
Schurta."
peal and several other expenses." said
Hamlin. Te Englishman looked at tho
dollar and then at Hamlin. "What's ths
matter with this?" he aaked, "Ia lt bad?"
���   ��� ���- 'e���M���e���WW���Wtelw
HAVE YOU, BROTHER?
I've something to aak you, brother,
When there's none to listen but God:
Come, let us reason together,
The subject demands that we should;
The pulse of the world Is throbbing,
The hearts of the por filled with dread
'Whose little hands are you robbing
Of the coveted piece of bread
In your greed for wealth and power.
In your hunger for hoarded gold.
Have you   robbed   the poor   of their
dower?
Have you turned some one Into the
cold?
Have you barred aome soul from learning
A Just God rules above?
Have you barred   some   poor   hearts,
yearning
Invaln for a home and for love?
Have you wounded   the   hearts   of
mothers?
Added more to a father's care?
Forced burdens upon your brothers-
Ground them down in cruel despair?
Have you robbed the weak and dying
To add to your hoarded gold?
Have you heard little children crylnj
With hunger, neglected and cold?
I hear how the great world Is sobbing,
I hear all the groans of the poor,
I see how those white hands are robbing
Labor at the very church door.
Oh, can It be you, my brother,
With your white face turned to heaven,
Still holding the hands of another,
And taking all labor has glv��nv
Brother, these wrongs must ba righted;
The groans of the toller must cease;
The torch of Justice be lighted
To shine upon tollers at peace.
Their fries have reached unto heaven,
Attracted the ear of their God,
And justice at last must be given,
Though It comes   through   rivers  of
blood.
IT WAS GOOD.
An Englishman, while passing along
the main street In Bangor, Me., stepped
in a hole in the sidewalk and, falling.
broke his leg. He brought suit against
the city for one thousand dollars and
.engaged Hannibal Hamlin for counsel.
{Hamlin won his case, but the city appealed to the supreme court Here, also,
ths ease waa decided for Hamlin's
client After settling up the claim* Hamlin sent for hia client, and handed him
one dollar. "What's thia?" askfcd the
Englishman. "That's your damages,
after taking out my fee, the cost of ap-
LOVE, THE ILLUSION
(By Helen Rowland, ln Life.)
Love Is just a cobweb, wet with morning dew;
Love la just a fairy spell, Invisible to
view;
A tread���a touch to heavy, and   ths
cobweb m% not there!
A algh too long, and lo���the spell ass
vanished Into the air!
Love ia Just a morning- glory, doomed
at noon to die;
Love la only half a story, told in passing
by;
Love is gold so delicate, the faintest
flame would melt it;
Love'a ���NOTHING���; but���God help
the man who's never known nor
felt it!
i .   i������������a
Baby (in omnibus)��� Dadda! frond
Mother���That ain't yer-dadda, dear;
that's a gentleman. wm
wiw
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
li
WEBSTER DOWN TO DATE
Here are aome definitions taken from
the "Foolish   Dictionary:"
Appendicitis���Modern pain, costing
about f-300 more than the old fashioned
stomach ache.
Alderman���A political office known as
���Crook's Road to Wealth. From the
English 'all' and Greek 'derma,' meaning
akin���'all akin.'
Afterthought���A tardy sense of prudence that prompts one to try to shut his
mouth bout the time he has put his foot
Into It
Automobile���From EngUsh 'ought to
snd Latin 'movoo' to move, a vehicle
which ought to move, but frequently
won't
Bicycle Skirt���An abbreviated skirt
that makes women look shorter and
men longer.
Chump���Anyone whose opinion differs
from yours.
Uim|j#nu*nt���From   English    Comp.
hot air, and Latin 'pleo' to fill, In ice.
to fill with hot air.
Diplomat���An international liar. with
an elastic conscience and a rubber ��i��clc
���Enthusiast���Owe who preaches four
times as much as a sane man ought to.
Epitaph���A statement that usually
H'-s above the oae that lies beneath.
In all science error precedes the truth,
and it la better It should go first than
last ���Walpole.
Too high an appreciation of our own
talents Is the chief cause why experience
preaches to ua In vain.���Oolton.
No wild enthusiast could ever rest
Till half mankind were like himself pos-
���-Cow per.
word���Hell.    For the  nourishment of J
this dogma, cruelty waa soil, Ignorance
waa fain, and fear was light���Ingersoll.
There la no falsity so gross that honest men, and, still more, virtuous women, anxious to promote a god cause,
will not lend themselves to It without
any clear consciousness of the moral
bearings of what they are doing.���Huxley.
Not to know at large of things remote
For use. obscure, and subtle, but to know
That which before us lies In daily Ufe,
la the prime wisdom.   What ls more. Is
fume,
Or emptiness, or fond impertinence.
���Milton.
thia Journal, aend ua their name
we will do the rest
and
We sail the sea of life; one finds a calm.
And one a tempest; anel. the voysge o'er.
Death Is the quiet haven of ua all.
���Wonlaworth.
Man la the only creature endowed
with the power of laughter; la he not
the only one that deserves to be laughed
at?���Grevllle.
A lie should be trampled on anel extinguished wherever found. I am for
fumigating the atmosphere when 1 *iw-
pect that falsehood, like peatllence.
breathes around roe.���Carlyle.
With every exertion the best of men
can do but a moderate amount of good;
but it seems In the power of the m<wt
contemptible Individual to do Incalcu-
able mischief-Washington Irving.
Wasters frightened slaves with the
threat of hell, and slaves got a kind of
shadowy revenge by whispering back the
threat. The Imprisoned Imagined a
hell for their Jallera; the weak built thia
place for the strong; the arrogant for
tbeir rivala; the vanqulahed for their
victors; the priest for the thinker; religion for reason; superstition for
science All the meanneea, all the re-
venge, ail the selfishness, all the cruelty, all the hatred, all the Infamy of
which the heart of man te capable, grew,
blossomed, aad bore fruit la this one
True love should never be expressed
In the language of time We say "I loved my father during his lifetime: 1
waa deeply attached to my mother or
my sister." Why locate it in the past?
Why not say slwsys: "I love my father
or my mother?" Does not and should
not. love lay claim to an eternal present?���M. Guysu.
'      *���-* i    i  m
We sre evidently approaching a period
of adequate adaptation when the abominable Infantile mortality which now disgraces civilization will be abolished���
aa It might be tomorrow If we cared
enough���and when the number of births
sn ddeaths will fall almost to a minimum; every birth being the beginning,
and almost every death being the conclusion, of a complete life; Instead of,
aa now, an Immense proportion of births
being the prelude to, and deaths the expression of failure. In those days men
will see shame snd not humor in the
question attributed to the dead infsnt:
If so soon I must be done for. what on
earth wss I begun for? That question
should be addressed to, and answered
by, not deity, but Man and his humanity���Dr. C. W. Saleeby.
Mill was once called by Mr. Gladstone
the saint of rationalism, and the designation was a happy one. The canonization of a saint in the Roman communion
ils preceded by the dozen or more preliminary steps of beatification; and tbe
liooks tell ns that the person to be beatified must be shown to have practised In
a signal degree the three theological virtues of Fsith. Hope and Charity, and the
four canilnsl virtues of Prudence, Justice, Courage and Temperance. I think
Mill would emerge in perfect safety from
such an inquisition, on any rational or
rationalistic interpretation of those high
, terms; nor need we be at all afraid that
; the advocatus diaboll will find fatal
flawa In any depoaltion that time's unkind hand may bring to light. His life
was tnie to hia professions, and was no
leas tolerant, liberal, unselfish, single-
minded, high and strenuous than they
were.���John Morley
Tis the mind that makes the body
rich.���Shakespeare.
Happiness, perhaps, comes by the
grace of heaven; but the wearing of a
happy countenance, the preserving of a
happy mien. Is a duty, not a blessing.���
Bliss Carman.
Do not act as if you had ten thousand
years to throw away. Death stands at
your elbow. Be good for something
while you live and It is in your power.
������Marcus Aurelius.
E'en though my deeds be not inscribed
Upon my country's scroll of fame;
E'en though the records of the time
In which 1 live bear not my name;
If I shall utter but one word-
But sound one note in life's refrain,
Toward making earth a better place
Then I shall not have lived in vain.
���H. W. Williams
Twelve back number of this journal,
and a copy of Float are sent to any address upon receipt of $1.
If you have some friends whom you
think would like to aee a sample of
If the Turks require us to pray to
Mohammed. In whom we do not believe,
the same respect which we require the
Jews to pray to Jesus in whim they believe as little, can the Turks be in the
wrong and we be in the right? On what
principle of equity can we resolve that
question in our own favor?���J. J. Rousseau.
Assertions based on fact stand erect,
upheld by the evidence of experience,
as an upright building by the law of
gravity; deception, with all its props
of plausible sophisms, is tottering like
a wall out of plumb, or a rotten tree upheld by artificial supports which In their
turn must yield to the test of time.���Dr.
Felix L. Oswald.
The failure of the mind In old age is
often less the result of natural decay
than of disuse. Ambition has ceased to
operate; contentment brings indolence;
indolence, decay of mental power, ennui,
and sometime death. Men have been
known to die, literally speaking, ot
disase induced by intellectual vacancy.
���Sir Benjamin Brodie.
In effect the only thing that can maintain society In a healthy state is that
love of labor for its own sake which Is
so rarely met with, and, which one
must endeavor to develop; but this love
of Intellectual and physical labor is in
no wise bound up with religion; lt Is
bound up with a certain broad culture
of the mind and heart which renders
Idleness lnsupportable.-^M. Guyau.
I believe that ao one can harm us but
ourselves; that sin is misdirected energy: that there is no devil but fear;
and that the universe is planned for
good. I believe that work ie a blessing,
that winter is as necessary as summer,
that night la as useful as day, tbat death
Is a manifestation of life, and Just as
good. I believe In the now and here. I
believe in you and I believe In a power
I that Is In ourselves tha t makes for
|rlghteousivw8,--Fra Elbertus,
'
\
BU 14
LOWERY'S CLAIM.
HERE COMES A MAN.
When round, you raves the storm
And winds run cold, then do not quail;
But spread your breast drink in the gale
And it will make you warm.
Never In toil give o'er.
Still tug at what you cannot lift
Squander    your    muscle���there's    true
thrift;
You'll get it back, ahd more..
Your enemies subdue.
March up, strike first, your fears   dissembling;
You'll learn���unless they see you trembling���
They're more afraid than you.
Stout fingers will not slip.
The nettles stab the timid hand;
In firm fists they are soft as sand;
Whate'er you graspat���grip!
FOar not the goriest giant
lA straight-shot shaft his heart will find.
The elements themselves are kind
To those who prove defiant.
Of drugs and pills no wealth
Will bribe the microbe or the hearse,
But Red Blood beats   the   Red   Cross
nurse;
Stout lungs and limbs are health.
Offense is best defense;
If you're besieged, come out and fight
If foiled by day .come back at night.
Let grit make you immense.
And never be dismissed
From getting your deserved desire.
Meet chill with heat but fire with flre.
Resist, persist, insist!
Dare all.   Do what you can.
Let Fate Itself find you no slave.
Make death salute you at your grave,
and say, "Here comes a man!"
THE KNOCKER
Perhaps the least specific business In
the world Is that of the habitual faultfinder. Not only does one addicted to
this practice soon lose the good will and
friendship of his associates, but he is
sooner or later despised and shunned
by all men.
Lowell Otus Reese writes as follows In
the Submarine, published at Coachella.
California:
"There is nothing on earth that I hate
like a Knocker.
"A soft corn is a gentleman to him,
and beside him the meanest microbe Ie
a pillar of the church.
"Give me my choice of a Knocker for
a companion or a violent death, and I'll
say, start up the flre works.
"And his name is Legion.
"Some people are bad because they
don't know bow to be good. But the
Knocker Is devilish because he is a
moral degenerate who doesn't feel happy
unless he is murdering a reputation or
crucifying a sensitive heart
"God created man in his own image
and pronounced him good. But the
Knocker crawled in under the fence.
"���If I had my way about it, I would
clothe the Knocker In barbed wire and
make him eat red-hot shingle nails for
ever and evermore.
"I'd give a lot to know where they'd
put the Knocker in the hereafter. It's
a cinch he wont fly any, and if the devil
is half the shrewd gent I fancy he Is he
won't let him get within hailing distance of the Styx.. If I had old Charon's
Job, I'd sink the boat and drown the
Knocker In the darkest place about the
ferry. And then I'd wade ashore and go
on strike until the whole Knocker family waa put on the black list.
"That's me.
'The Knocker Is a human rattlesnake
with the rattles off. He never lets you
know he Is going to strike until ha
shoots a bunch of venom Into you. and
then he crawls off and lets the poison
work.
"Man born of woman is of few days
and full of trouble. But the Knocker Is
a pestilence, and death passes him far
too often."
(FROM   RUOKERTO   "WISDOM  OF
THE  BRAHMIN."
Be that whlc honce Is past no longer thy
concern,
But see thou dost the things which still
thou hast to learn.
If thou resign thyself to what thou canst
not change,
Thou wilt gain strength for that which
still Is new and strange.
My perfect fellow-men I'd  view    witb
sore dismay.
They would be dull indeed, and often in
the way.
But natural and frank, and somewhat
narrow, too,
* ���
Not morbidly  Inclined,  nor bent  with
grief and rue.
Thus would I ask of life to show them
unto me;
Thus in the booksl read  would  I my
neighbors see.
If life brings to my view men made of
different clay,
I bear It.���Books with such a promptly
put away.
Adapt thyself unto the  world,  and   it
will send
Thee many things to cheer thy pathway
to the end.
��� He serves his country best
Who lives a pure life, and doeth righteous deeds;
And walks straight paths, however
others stray:
And leaves his sons, as uttermost bequest,
A stainless record which all men may
read. ���Susan  M. Coolldge.
Apparently ln no neld of It work In
our times does the Christian church
throughout the world, with outstanding
individual exceptions, of course, sji conspicuously fall as in Its attitude to war.
Ita silence when outspoken speech might
avert war, its silence during war's sway,
ks failure even during cslm days of
pease to proclaim the true Christian doctrine regarding the killing of men made
ln -God's image, and the prostitution of
ite holy offices to unholy warlike ends,
give point to the resent arraignment of
Prime Minister Balfour, who declared
that the church today busies Itself with
questions which do not weigh even as
dust in the balance compared with the
vital problems with which it is called
upon to deal.���From Andrew Carnegie's
address in the University of St Andrews, Oct. 17, 1905.
EARLY RISING.
Scientists have disocevered that there
Is real wisdom In the old-fashioned advice. "Early to bed and early to rise."
They find that early rising and getting
out of doors while thc dew is on the
grass enables one's lungs an circulation to absorb health-giving elements
which the atmosphere contains at no
other period of the twenty-four hours.
A single experiment will convince anyone who ls not lazy or prejudiced that
the air of the early morning Is more
bracing and invigorating than at any
other time of day or night
Every freethinker should help the
cause by sending ua a dollar for a dozen
back numbers of this journal.
The circulation of LOWBRY'8 CLAIM
Is limited to a million so do not delay
In having your name put on the list.
Be sure your ad    Is   In    IjOWBRY'S
CLAIM and then go ahead.
TTp to going to press we have not had
a line from God aliout the 'Frisco cave-
in.
RICE AT WEDDINGS
Henry Dalby. writing In thc Montreal
Argus, estimates the value of rice
thrown away at weddings In Great Britain, the United States, and Canada at
$100,000 annually.
This, as Mr. Dalby points out, is not
only a gross waste of foodstuffs, but a
source of serious danger as well. It Is
dangerous to both eyes and ears of
those It. Is thrown at, anel when It makes
Its way down one's back It Is exceedingly uncomfortable till It Is remoVed,
which cannot always be done quickly.
HIS CLOSING WORDS
The chaplain of the Dundee prison, a
few years ago. was on Sunday discoursing to the prisoners on a subject In
which he felt much Interested, and as
the time which he usually occupied with
an address had passed before he hsd finished all he had got to say, he concluded reverently with the words: "If It
please God, we will finish the subject
next Lord's Day." Immediately a voice
proceeded from a cell occupied hy a prisoner whose lira of confinement expired during the week, and added. "And if
It ptoses God III no' be here to hoar
you." e
A Kansas editor thus vojoes his opinion of a fellow-crafteman: "In conclusion, we will only add that if the brains
of the editor of the despicable sheet in
question were made of dynamite there
would be insufficient to blow bis bat
over his eyes," ..    .... ,.*-
LOWER! '��� OLAIM,
"DAD AND MB AND JIN."
Mother's gone about a year
And it's mighty, mighty queer
She don't como back!
This here thing 'bout being dead
1 can't get It thro' my head
And that's a tack!
Where the mischief has she gone?
She knows well we can't get on
Worth a mite.
Can't she see how Jinny frets?
And Dad just seta and sets and sets.
Looktn' white!
Mother's some place*  'thout a doubt
She's too good to be wiped out,
Far too good!
But she muat he far away
Or she'd come hlkln* hack some day.
Wish she would!
Night fore last, when Jin took bad,
If she had a' seen poor Dad
Goin' some!
Tried to put hot things on Jin.
Dropped the dish and burnt his akin,
She'd a* cum!
I was sura she'd come that night,
listened till the room grew light-
Nary  sound
Can't tell roe that she'a got wings
Hyln'  round  with  cherubime���
She'd come down!
Better off!     Now don't tell me!
You sre talkin' 1 can see
Thro' your hat!
Rhe was happy as could be
Here with Dada and Jin and me���
Bank on that!
God don't need her half so bad
Aa poor wee Jla and Me and Dad
Way down here!
If he'd let her come to Jin���
Shea ao smalt and sick snd thin,
I wouldn't keer!
Dad and Me are nearly men;
Ws can stand It better than
Wee girls do!
P'raps when she comes flyln" down.
Dad and Me'U he somewhere's round'
And see her too!
���Nellie L. MrClunf.
T-O not talk about disgrace from s
thing lieing known when the disgrace Is
that the thing should exist���Falconer.
The work of this republic la the mak-
tng of the man, not money. ��� William
Wallace Cook.
If people would contribute aa freely
to support the cause of humanity aa
they do to support the churrhce and
plutocratic papers, this would be a free
nation In a hurry.���Commonwealth.
He who Is most slow in making a
promise ls the most faithful ln Us per-
formance.���-Rousseau.
Did we ever Imagine that we came out
of nothing and went back Into nothing,
and had ties only with one another.
Jjjll ao long ss we are what we are, oar
life muat take form from IU own germ,
and grow and ramify Into moral communities.��� Mai Uneau,
15
The old party Idea of an "available"
candidate is a man just good enough to
catch the good people, and not so good
ss to scare away the bad.���New Era.
if you can't have your own way. tske
consolation from the fact that every man
encounters his stone wall.���Atchison
Globe.
���Mi-
periods ln history which are most satisfactory to the churchman were in reality
periods of great mental darkness and of
a pitiable lack of Independence and vigor
of character.-Elizabeth E. Evans.
ae
The building of sir castles is as necessary to the mind and soul as the
breathing of air���fresh and unpolluted
���Is to the body.���Josephine Woodward.
m*m**Mtm*prMmJtS**mamwt)
"Your character cannot be specially
injured except by your own acts."
Fort the credit of virtue we must admit that the greatest misfortunes ot
men are those into which the fall
through their crimes.���La Rochefoucauld
Where a man has a passion for meditating without the capacity of thinking,
a particular id��a fixes Itself fast and
soon creates a mental disease.���Goethe.
Kootenay Engineering Works
Nelson, a. C.
Founders, Machinists and Iron Work-
era. Makers of the Crawford Aerial
Tram; Castings, Builders Materials,
Mill and Mining Machinery.
B. C. TRAVIS
P. 0. Box 493 MANAGER.
An inteullectual creed is necessarily
narrowing to tbe Intellect. In times of
belief It stifles free thought, and forces
minds nalurall diverse In gifts to take a
uniform shape and   direction.     Those
The Windsor Hotel
Or  GRAND FORKS
Caters to minors, mechanics and smelter-
men.
A.  U.  SleOAN.  Manager
The Reception Hotel
IN CAMBORNE
Gives   all    H*   patron?*   the*,   purest   toexl.
elrlnk  and   cigars.
JAMES LINDSLBT. Proprietor
Sharp & Irvine
Mining Brokers
Active mlnln gstocks bought and sold.
Drawer   1082,   Nelson.   B.C.
Rooms 306-6, Peyton Block, Spokane, Wash.
THE HOTEL SLOCAN
THREE PORKS, B.C.
Ii the leading hotel of the city. Mountain trout and game dinners a specialty.
Rooms  reserved by telegraph.
HUGH NIVEN, Proprietor
Cranbrook
Hotel
Cranbrook, B.C.
Is convenient to all depots, telegraph
offices and banks In the city. Special attention paid to tourists, commercial and
oterwlse. The cuisine Is excellent, and all
guests receive courteous attention. Touch
the  wire  when  you   want   rooitti  8��rveH
S. J. Mighton
CRANBROOK,  B.  C.
Has the largest stock of Pipes, Tobaccos,
���TMgars and Smokers' Sundries in the interior of B. C.
Mall orders receive prompt attention.
MOOTENAY SALOON
SANDON,   B.C.
Has a line of nerve bracers unsurpassed
in anv mountain town of the great west.
A glass of aqua pura given    tree   with
every shot of spirits mentl.	
���*. i "'"*
PACIFIC COAST SEEDS
FRUIT AND ORNAMENTAL TREES.
GREENHOUSE PLANTS, Floral Work,
Home industry.   Catalogue free.
HENRY'S NURSERIES
Seed House and Greenhouses,
3010 Westminster Road, Vancouver, B.C.
Hoggartb * Rollins. Propristora
The fernie Ledger
FERNIE.   B.   C
T�� the beat newspaper In the Crow's Nsst
vLam  coal   region.    Two  dollars    a    }��ar.
Pass coai r m��  ^QTT   Ed,tor
M
��� 55
��� tf
: q
Pitfier & Leiser
Victoria, Sola Agents.
Munro'a Old Highland
and Whiteley's Licyuer
Whiskies are the beat
Cfias. Burt
Agent, Nelson.
tf
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6
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���.ve
tumm 16
LOWERY'S CLAIM
He that dies a martyr proves that- he
waa not a knave, but by no means that
he was not a fool, since the most absurd
doctrines are not without such evidence
as martyrdom can produce. A martyr,
therefore, by the mere act of suffering
can prove nothing but his own faith.���
Colton. i :   +i
For thirteen centuries the sunshine of
millions of human hearts was ruthlessly sacrificed by the Christian church to
promote the task of. luring < mankind
from life to ghost-land, -and during all
those ages education was systematically
turned from a blessing into an earth-
blighting curse.���Felix L. Oswald.
True courage is cool and calm. The
bravest of men have the least of a brutal, bullying insolence, and in the very
time of danger are found the most serene and free. Rage, we know, can make
a coward forget himself and fight, but
what is done in fury or anger can never
be placed to the account of courage.���
Shaftesbury.
The moralizing man Is less frank and
more cunning than the wolf. He would
paralyze his enemies by teaching that
not all courses are justifiable; then when
they spare him and he gets them In.his
power he does not spare them. The end
never justifies the means when a moralist Is being hurt; always when a moralist is getting the besj. of the fight by
unusual artifice and usurpation���James
L. Walker.
About Float.
Float is not a periodical, It ia a book
containing 86 illustrations, all told, and
is filled with sketches and stories ot
western life. It tells how a gambler
cashed in after the flush daya of -Sandon; how it rained in New Denver long
after Noah was dead; how the parson
took a drink at Bear Lake In early
days; how justice waa dealt in Kaslo
in '93; how the saloon man out prayed
the women in Kalamazoo, and graphically depicts the roamings of a western
editor amongst the tenderfeet In the
cent belt. It contains the early history of Nelson and a romance of the
Silver King mine. In it are printed
three western poems, and dozens of ar-
tides too numerous to mention. Send
for one -before it is too late. The price
is 25 cents, postpaid to any part of the
world.   Address all letters to
R. T. LOWBRY, Nelson, B. C.
P. BURNS & CO.
istMjLx
eShops In all  leading towns.    Contracts
���solicited to supply  armies and  raJiroada.
HEiAD OFFICE
Calgary; Alberta.
BLUE PRIZE. HENRY VANE, COLUMBUS and HAVANA ARK CIGARS
are Union Made Cigars, made by  w.  P.
Kilbourne ft Co.. Winnipeg,  and sold on
the  road  by GEORGE HORTON.
THE MICHEL HOTEL
Still retains ita supremacy as the best
hotel tn the Kootenays.
OSTERMOOR   MATTRESSES.
CLEAN   LINEN.
GOOD COOKING
Excellent hunting ln season. Good trout
dishing ln th eElk river and neighboring
streams.
Address   all   communications   to
Thomas Crahan, Manager
HOTELS OUT WEST
The Kaslo Hotel !'�� l*L��*JT
In the cky. COCKLE ft PAPWORTH.
MICHEL,   B.   O,
Starkey & Co.
NELSON, B.C.
Wholesale Dealers In Produce and
Provisions
in 10 and 20 acre Blocks
ON KOOTENAY UKK
For sale on easy terms.
FRUIT
LANDS
J. E. ANN ABLE
NELSON,  B.C.
P. P LIEBSOHER
MERCHANT TAILOR
SILVBRTON,  B.C.
T>1A "RortlAtt ,s   the " best   a   a  day
lilt) BaillrJlli hotel   in   Nelson.    Only
white  help  employed.
GEO.   W.
BARTLETT.
Tremont House SHii tBh. Ss-S
lean and European plan. Nothing yellow
about the house except the gold In the
safe. MA LONE   ft   TREOILLUS.
******���-*1*-**"   i ������������^�������� H1.1*.���*������������^i������i������        ��� new wsiacjTSMSSSasaMSJMaa��sasJj��tM^ai
Newmarket Hotel.'., Ht SE
Ists and millionaires visiting New Denver. B. C. HENRY trrUUE.
Qf Tlm/% ** tbe leading hotel in
OU  JtiiulO   TRAIL.  R. C.
JAS.   DAWSON.   Prop.
J. D. ANDERSON
Civil   Engineer   snd   Provincial   Land
Surveyor
TRAIL, B.C.
F. H. HAWKINS
ASSAYER
SANDON. B.C.
The Strathcona
Hotel
Is situated on a slight eminence, just a block from one busy
scenes on Baker Street, and is w lthin easy touch of everything in the city.   From its bale oniea can be seen nearly
all the grand scenery that surrounds the beautiful
city of Nelson.   Few hotels in the great west
equal the Strathcona, and tourists from
every land will find within its portals
all the essentials -that create pleasant memories within the
mind of those who
travel f
B. TOMKINS, Manager,
NWLSON. RlTIflH COLUMBIA

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