@prefix ns0: . @prefix edm: . @prefix dcterms: . @prefix dc: . @prefix skos: . @prefix geo: . ns0:identifierAIP "695686c8-8349-465c-9559-fc09a9996d0b"@en ; edm:dataProvider "CONTENTdm"@en ; dcterms:issued "2017-03-15"@en, "1909-08-21"@en ; edm:aggregatedCHO "https://open.library.ubc.ca/collections/michelr/items/1.0344525/source.json"@en ; dc:format "application/pdf"@en ; skos:note """ VOL. 1. NEW MICHEL, BRITISH COLUMBIA, SATURDAY, AUG. 21, 19Q9. Nb:ifr~" Hotel Michel T. Crahan, % i • The Largest., Most Modem and Best Equipped ln the Pass, MJcJiel, & British Colombia C*~ " !*—JJUW!lf y WILI* STRAWBERRY COMPOUND A Saf*?, .Pleasant and. Effective Remedy For Rela3fe4 Condition,.o£ the. Rowels In various;* Idnds (tf S^n"i^er..C^rnBlaints, sue!} as, COLIC, CRAMPS, CHOLERA, DY^E^TERY DIARRHOEA, ETC. Men'st Silk Four-in-Hj-inds In a wide range of newest patterns Worth 75 ots. Clearing at .45 KENNEDY'S DRUG AND BOOK STORE NEW MICHEL JUST ARRIVED A Consignment ot Hand Painted Chinaivarc, consisting oi Salad and berry dishes, plates, cups and saucers, salad bowls, etc. 20 dozen tumblers, assorted, in very noat designs, extra quality, at $1.00 a dozen Water Sets, and Cufe Gtass Nappies. A very, fine assortment of vases in Pictures we have Landscapes, Fruit (\\nd Uami,> Subjects ajid Pastorals SOMERTON BROS, Jewelers and Opticians New cMkhel, B. C, imperial Bank of Canada Head Office: TORONTO Capital Authorized $10,000,000. Capital Paid up $5,000,000, . Rest $5,0Q0,000 Savings Bank Department, Interest allowed on Deposits at Current Rate from Date of Deposit, Drafts, Money Orders and Letters of Credit issued, available in apy part of the World. MICHEL BRANCH, ' T. B. BAKER, Manage*. 41 Meat market Ltd 41 High-class Butchers New Michel All moatfreRh killed----Prime Beef, Pork, and Mutton Dairy Butter. Mild-cured Hams and Bacon—Fish in Season The Store Whore Tliey Send What You Ordor 2 Deliveries Daily 2 Buy Government Inspected MEATS The meats you buy from us all bear .the Blue Label which stands for good quality Give as a trial order, and prove that our meats are the best P. Burns & Co. Ltd. NEW MICHEL, B. C. BIG WEEK Of our Stock-Clearing Sale Another week of Bargains, More and—if possible—-better values th before. Selling goods at theprices we have marked is like felting You with Dollar pills A Big Half-Dollars Worth Children's Dresses, Pinafores, Blouses, Flannelette Night Gowns, Etc., Women's White and'"Colored Aprons, White Cambric Blouses, worth up to' $1.25. Clearing 'Sale Price I '.....'.'.:...:. l.JL..: ll...ffiQ> cts, each Men's White Linen Collars Three ply. All sizes, in half- dozen bundles, 6 for 50 cts. Big Shirt Values Negligee and Outing Shirts, in latest designs sad colorihgs. Clearing Sale'price $1.25 each Men's Wording Shirts Large and rponiy, allsijies. Special raliic-3 ' 75 cts each All our Balbriggan IJoderwear at Hall Pfice.. Men's Su'jts at Bargain Prices' The Trites-Wood Co, Ltd. Michel, B. C. C. P. R. INVESTIGATE SPECIAL AGE-.NT GRIERSON LOOKING AFTER BUSINESS The efforts of the Board of Trade and the Reporter, hi connection with C. P. R. affairs, are apparently in a, fair way. of getting what is desired. Special Agent (Jrierson dropped off here Monday, and spent Tuesday on a tour of enquiry, and frprn/a lengthy conversation with hirr,, we are pleased to announce that the. C. P. R. will dp everything in their power to allay tho apparent friction that has for Bome. months been irritating the business men pf New Michel.' Mr. Griersori came here on a special mission, and from |he thoroughness of his investigation we rather imagine he goes back with a few hard facts to lay before hia superior officers. Prominent among the desires of New Michel is the building and equipment of a first clasB station, freight sheds, express and telegraph offices, and the removal of tiie obnoxious sign, "Natal.'' From the explanations giyon Mr. Grierson, and from the general tenor of his remarks, we confidently look for. everything we have been pressing for. and with our town improvements iu sight, there is a distinct removal of that feeling that has hovered over our town, and we look for the big corporation handing out every facility for the rapid and accurate transaction °f business in New Michel. Old Man Baldwin's Fright An old man i(i Georgia, named Jnck Baldwin, liaviiit* lost liis hut ill an old well one dny, hitclipil a rope to a stump and let Mmsell down. A wicked wag named Neal canio along juBt then, ond, quietly detaching a bell from Baldwin's old blind horso, approached tho well, bell in hand, and begun to ting-a-ling. Juck thought tho old horse wns coming, and Hftiil: " Hang the old blind horec! He's coming this way sure, and ho ain't got no more senflo than to fall in on ino, Whoa, Ball!" The Bound came closer. " Great Jerusalem! The old blind tool will be right on lop of lne in a minute! Whoa, Ball! Whoa, haw, Ball!!" Neal kicked a little dirt on Jack's head, and Jack began to pray: "Oh, Lord, have mercy on—whoa, Ball!—a poor aiiuier—I'm gone now! Whoa, Ball— Our Father who art in—whoa, Bull- hallowed ho thy—gee, Ball, gee; wlmt'll I do? Now I lay me down to bI—gee, Ball!" Just then in fell more dirt. Oh, Lord, if you ever intend to do anything for pie—back; Boll, whoa—Thy kingdom come—gee, Ball! Oh Lord, you kuow I wan baptised in Smith's inildaiii—whoa, Bull! Hn up! Murderl Whoa!." Neal could hold in no longer, uud shouted a laugh whicb might have been heard two miles, which was about as far aa Juck chased him when he got out. S. J. Watson and Alex. Qoyette of Frank, wero registered at the Kootenay on Sunday. FIREATCOALCREEK A Repetition of th* Fer.nie Disaster Last Sunday evening a disastrous fire occurred at Coal Creek, supposed to have been started from an overturned lamp, and before it was extinguished some 24 buildings wero wiped out. Owing to the high winds and the limited water pressure, it waa impossible ib s'(ay the flames. Dynamite was used in an effort to break the onrusliing fiend, but without avail. Happily .'.change jn the wind saved the balance of the town. The heaviest losses are sustained by the Coal Co., and the1 Trites-Woods Co., although many of those wiped out suffered proportionately The following is the estimated cost of the losses: House 150: Fred Varlowj Co. value (51500. Houses 157 ond 15S, double, J. Stevens and Duiican Matheson, Co. value $1000. .Iai(, provincial, '$200. Tritcs-Wood etore, Co. valine $5000, stock $50,000. Charles Williams, barber. Houses M7 and 208, Jphn Evana and Bob Hiibbertsey, double, Co. voluoSlOOO. Houses 200 und 210, J. Marklein and John Smith, double, Co. value $1,000. Houses 211 and 212, John Jones and Sid Walley (at coast) double, value$1000 Houses 2LI and 214, J.. Evens and J. C. Smith, double, Co. value $1,000. House 158, Henderson's Boarding housp, Co. value $ii000. House 154, Atherton'a boarding house, Co. valuo $.1000 House ISfi, M. Stcventa, Co. value $1500. House No. 147, Dr. Workman, value $2000 Coal Creek Club, value qf building $1500, estimated loss $10,000 Gymnasium, Co. value of building $1000 House No. 148, Fnirclough'u boarding house, Co. value $!I000 House 140, Mitchell's boarding house, Co. value $3,000 House 150, Mrs. Sharpwell, private, Co.,"value $1500 Houses 151 and 152, double, John Biggs, and John Bagley, Co. valuo of building, $lii'*i The latest thing on wheels. Ask Scotty at the big store. G. F. Moses aud *wife ure visiting at Coal Creek for Ihe week end. Tho Canadian Club may charter a private car and take iu the A. Y. 1'. Exposition. You con bo sure you aro successful when you hear people are knocking you. —Moyie Leader. What a lot of time some people waste in wondering about thinga that are none of their business. Two baseball teams, the "Coal Company,'' and tho " Scouts,'' from Fernie, played on the Recreation grounds here on Sunday evening. Some !',50 people from Fernie were here to witness tho game, .bcaideB a large turn out of our home sports. The score was 8 to '■'< in favor of the Coal Company, Great Northern NEW MICHEL, B. C, IVtSRYTHing; nR^-CLA*! Cuisine Unsurpassstf r Bsr Bf >e« with th* rlnsst Attendance Unties!****! ■ Ml '■ '-I' McCool & Moore, : i Proprietors J1QTEL KOOTENAY New M|chel, B. C. Doug!a*&_ Stedman ... Proprietors JUTES $2.00 A DAY Everything First-ClaBS and Comfortable Nothing but white labor employed 'BUS MEETS ALL TRAINS "Elk Valley Beer" Pure and Pleasing; Manufactured from Canadian Malt, Bohemian Hops and the now Famous Crystal Spring Water Elk Valley Brewing Co., Limited Livery, Dray and Transfer Bus loaves. 7.40 a. m,, 1.40 p. ra., and 6,40 p, m. Returns on arrival of trains GEO. FISHER, Proprietor SLICK UP Get Your Hirsute Appendage Clipped and Your Whiskers Pushed in at the Great Northern Tonsor- ial Parlors—You're next. P, M. MacLandere, Prop Call at the Crow's Nest Hardware Co., and see their extensive display. What you don't see, ask for. Bamboo Fishing Rods; Your Choice for 15 cents Right Prices, Right Goods and Right Treatment. he Model Bakery NOW OPEN! Bread, Cakes, Pies, Buns, Etc. Fresh Every Day Driver will call for orders and deliver The Model Bakery New Michel Fine Art Printing: At the Reporter Office THE REPORTER, NEW MICHEL, BRITISH COLUMBIA. It Overcame the Scheming of a Selfish Sister. By ARABELLA NASMYTH. [Copyright. 1900. by Associated Literary Press.J The Indisputable fact which has so often sadly surprised people that two and two will uot make Ave was staring the Anslem girls ln tbe lace. It was a year after the death of their father, and many evasions and putting off of tbe fatal day bad gone for naught They were face to face with the knowledge tbat they could no longer afford to keep up tbe old family home aud, moreover, must do something to add to tbelr Infinitesimal Income. "In some way," said Reglna, looking up rather wearily from her pencil nud .,,. paper—"in some way we've got to have money. We've got to go to work." ff Reglna was twenty-six. wltb rebellious dark hair and a firm cbln which always amazed people hy the dimple I-' they discovered in It Iteglna was tbe *'" one who always did things lu the fam- <4 My. Nobody had ever taken time to call her a beuuty, so Bhe had never quite realized the fact that she came very close to being one and could devote her leisure to accomplish results. Of course witb Esther it was differ- | ent 'From the time her flrst fluff of golden hair bad made itself manifest j. and ber big blue eyes hnd first glanced appeallngly at humanity it had been decided that Esther was a beauty, and tbe decision hnd clung to her tbrough life, though ut maturity ft Is doubtful If she would have been thought more than nn ordinarily good looking fresh young girl bad not those around her been so educated ln the otiier view. But as a beauty Esther had always been waited on and put forward, and even when time went on and girlish petulance and fickleness and caprice degenerated Into petUsbness and selfish lnconslderateness nobody ever expected Esther to do anything but exist And now she was thirty, for ln splto of belledom the men who bnd wooed ber seriously had been few and, with her aspirations, beneath her consideration. At her sister's flat Esther drew her brows together fretfully. ""Work!" she said, "Tou are ridiculous! It's all very well for you to talk, but bow could 1 work? What could I do? Reglna"— She hesitated a little, for tbere was something In the straight browed face meditatively surveying her as though she were seen for the first time that bid her pause. "Reglna—If you would —It would be very easy for you to place both of us beyond all money cares forever. I'm sure"— Tbe voice died away before thp sparkle of anger ln the dark face across the table. Reglna bit her Up before sbe spoke fn a repressed voice. "I won't pretend to misunderstand you," she said. "It's like you to propose offering something else tban yourself! Understand once for all that I'll never marry Dr. Brlghtrlghtl Be Is selfish, he has a cruel and vindictive nature with all his surface and polish, and he Is sUty years old." "Also be owns tbe most magnificent country plnce In the state and Is a millionaire." breathed Esther as ber sister stopped "Really, Reglna. for a grownup person you are distressingly silly! I'm sure Dr. Brigbtrigbt Is no worse than lots of men, nnd think what you'd have!" "Which you, of course, would share," said Reglna coldly. He» face took on an Immobile expression as she looked down at her sister. "Understand. I'll never marry him. I'll find work to do." "It's Neal Maxwell!" the older girl flashed angrily. "You'd be glad of the chance If you weren't eating your heart out for a man w«o threw you over and never cared anything for you! You"- But Reglnn bad swept from the room, ber head lu tiie air. ber hands clutching mechanically tiie papers covered with tbelr rows of discouraging figures. She was hurt as only a proud person can be hurt, and tbo sure kuowledge deep In ber heart that Neal Maxwell bad Indeed, beyond all doubt cared for her, In spite of the opinion voiced by her slsler and shared, as Renins knew, hy nearly all ber acquaintances ln tbe town, did not belp much tn bearing tbe tnunt It was u yenr since Nenl had gone abroad ns foreign representative for his firm and.eleven months since bis letters hud stopped abruptly, without warning. Her two letters of Inquiry bringing no response, pride bnd stepped In and she hnd made no further effort to bear from him beyond learning from bis linn be was alive and well. And wben he left they hnd been engaged. She could hurdly remember when she and Neal had not Intended to marry one another, so many hnd been the years of their more than friendship. In spite of ber Indignation nud ber secret* grief, III spite of his mysterious neglect, Kcglnn still clung to the feeling tbat. wherever he was, whatever hnd happened, Neal still .must earj for her just ao dny must /follow night. And she was of too strong a nnture to seek to cover her Jilting by nccept- lng the man who bad haunted ber footsteps for the past year, Dr. Bright- right whom she Instinctively disliked and steadily shunned, to thi, furious exnspernllon of Esther. This hod not been the first difference they hnd had upon the subject This night sho was tired, very tired, and discouraged. Sympathy, under ■funding or belp from Esther she felt she never cbuld expect The weak uess, the shallowness, tbat were bei Bister's were forcing themselves on her recognition against her will. If only Esther bad been of a differ, ent mold their situation would even now be vastly Improved. Encourage-, ment ond energy at her elbow would bnve given Reglna the strength of ten. Instead tbere were bitterness, complaint and reproach weighing her down, nnd beneath It all the old longing for Neal, the hurt wonder that he could have failed her! Sunk ln her thoughts, absentmlnded- ly making preparation for tbe night Reglna stood for several minutes staring at what she had uncovered at the bottom of the long utility box on her dresser without a complete realization of wbat the discovery meant. First It dawned on her bewildered mind thnt the box was blue instead of pink, as it sbould have been. Then If It were blue it belonged ln the next room on Esther's dresser. Tbe woman who hnd swept and cleaned for them that day hnd probably mixed them. And at the bottom of the blue box, nn- der all the handkerchiefs and ribbons which Reglna bad mechanically disarranged In ber search for a particular ribbon,, lay, with a rubber band binding them, the last two letters she had written to Neal Maxwell Inquiring as to his silence and which he had, of course, never answered. Regina leaned against tbe dresser, breathing heavily, clutching the letters, trying to think. The face that looked out at her from tbe mirror was white with excitement Some one had kept her letters from reaching Neal— some one— In the doorway stood Esther, still petulant from tbe scene downstairs. As she walked toward ber sister Reglna turned and faced her silently, the letters ln her outstretched palm. With a little gasp Esther saw, crumpled Into a cbalr and began to cry ln a frightened wny, "I did It for your own good," Esther walled. "Neal never will be rich, and we want—we need—so much! 1 thought —I thought you'd see bow much better a position Dr. Brlgbtright could gft-e you—I thought you'd forget—I wrote Neal you were going to marry the doctor and hadn't courage to tell blm yourself and that you did not want to bear from him again. I—I got your letters botb times by taking tbem to slip Into the drop while 1 asked you to get stamps or cards at the window- do you remember? I—I did It because I thought you would be happier, Reglna!" The tall, stem girl, standing like nn avenging goddess, looking down on the hysterical, weak woman huddled ln the chair, did not speak for some minutes. "Why didn't you destroy them when you got them?" she asked abruptly. "I didn't dare," wept Esther, "I was afraid It was,criminal or something." Tbe faint flicker of humor wblch swept Reglnn's face even In ber moment of righteous wrath spread to ber generous heart "We won't talk about It again, Esther," she said quietly. "You'd better go to bed. And now—now I'm going to write to Neal." Called His Bluff. A young woman of smart wit and striking beauty presided at one of tbe stalls at a Paris charity bazaar. Among the small crowd which pressed round tbe fair vender was a young man of much assurance, who gazed upon tbe girl wltb freedom and affected to admire tbe various fancy articles exposed for sale, but bought nothing. "Wbnt trill you please to buy?" asked mademoiselle, with an exquisite smile. "Oh," replied the young dandy, with a languishing look, "what 1 most wish to buy Is unhappily not for sale." "Tell me what you wish?" she responded. "Oh, no; I dare not declare my wishes." "Nevertheless let me know wbat you wish to buy," persisted the fair saleswoman. "Well, then, since you demand It 1 sbould like a ringlet of your glossy black hair." Sbe manifested no embarrassment at the hold request, but wltb a pair of scissors Immediately clipped off one of her beautiful locks and banded It to tbe astonished youth, remarking that the price wns only 600 francs. Her iiinlin-lous admirer was thunderstruck with tbe demand, but dared not demur, ns by tbls time a group bad collected and were listening to the conversation. So he took the hair, paid over the money and left the ball. They Were Once Regarded as Mechen- ■ lei, Not Soldiers. Until tbe time of Charles XII. of Sweden the artillery was not considered a part of the army. The-men serving in It were not soldiers, hut regarded as mechanics/ The officers had no army rank. Charles XII. gave artillery officers a rank and regularly organized tbe artillery Into companies. The battle of Pavla demonstrated the superiority of tbe gun ln the hands of tbe Spanish Infantry. The musket carried a two ounce ball and sometimes brought down at one fire two or three mailed knights. The French sent a flag of truce to remonstrate against the use of sucb barbarous weapons. Alexander bad four kinds of cavalry —tbe catupbrnetl, or heavy armed horse: the light cavalry, currying spears and very light armor; the aero- ballstae. or mounted archers, used for outposts, putrols and recounolterlng duty, and the dlmachne, or troops ex- pected to act either as cavalry or Infantry. Alexander the Great reorganized his father's army. The file or Inches nf sixteen men was tbe unit; two flies mnde a dllochy; two dilochlc,* mnde a tetrafchy; two tetrarchles a texlarcby; two of these a syntagura; .sixteen of tbese a small phalanx; four of these a tetra-phalangarohy. otherwise known ns a large phalanx. Tbe Greeks attacked In a phalanx, the spears Interlocked nnd shields overlapping. After the flrst onset the spenrs were dropped, and the day was decided with the sword. The cavalry attacked the enemy ln the rear If possible and In case of victory undertook the pursuit—Pearson's Weekly. ARTILLERYMEN. The Man In the Rain. "Men." said a fashionable tailor, "are much more particular about their clothes than women, though few people realize this fact Take a man ln a light gray suit caught In a shower. Does he go blithely on, heedless of the elements? No. He seeks tbe nearest shelter and remains there till the downpour has stopped absolutely. But It is his straw hat that a man takes most care to preserve. I have seen men ln pouring torrents hurrying aloug bareheaded, their straw bats carefully concealed beneath tbelr coats. Did you ever see a woman go to those lengths? Often a man caught In n. shower curries his hnt sort of casually at arm's length at his side, as If he was doing It unconsciously, don't you know. And how often do we see them holding newspapers over tbelr bnts. Ever see n woman do tbat? No. Somehow women seem to be able to go through a shower without making conspicuous figures of themselves. They are always serene, never troubled, nnd they never seem to get as wet as men do."—London Answers. SOFT SHELLED CRABS. The Way They Get Rid of Their Hard Outer Coats. Mnny persons believe that tbe bard shelled crab and the soft shelled crab are two different species. This Is Hiot so. The shellfish thus distinguished are merely two conditions of the same species. Once a year the crab sheds Its hard outer coat, much as does a snake, In order to give Itself room for greater growth. When It gets ready to mnke the transformation It sidles ln close to shore, wbere the water at low tide will Just cover It and where It Is comparatively safe from Its maritime enemies. Then, wben It Is half buried In the saud, Its shell splits open behind, and It painfully crawls out. Tbe new coat, as soft as skin, Is already well started. But until It sball have become fairly bard the crab stays almost motionless In the shoals. While It Is ln this condition its pinchers are useless, and It falls an easy prey to the most Insignificant enemy which happens upon It. There Is no particular time of year chosen by the crab" for the metamorphosis. All through the twelve months fisher lads and barefoot fishermen wading with their baskets along the sbore at low tide gather the helpless crabs, which fetch a high price In the markets. In their soft state tbey are worth from four to five times their price when ln tbelr natural hard condition-Chicago News. The "King of Rome." Whnt became of Napoleon's son Is a qnestlon often asked, as little mention Is made ln history of the young prince, the desire of his father's life, who was born March 20, 1811, amid great rejoicing ln Paris and balled as the "king of Rome." In January, 1814, Napoleon embraced bis wife and child for the last time, and this really ended the reign of the little king "wbo never saw his kingdom." He was reared ln the^Austrlan court under the name of the Duke of Reichstadt and grew to be a handsome young fellow and quite a brilliant scholar. He bad one short yenr of military life and then contracted pulmonary disease, from which he died ln his twenty-second year. He worshiped the memory of bis father nnd always spent the anniversary of his death. July 22, ln his own rooms. He Is burled In the Carthusian monastery of Vienna, which is tbe Austrian Westminster abbey. Crowded New York. New York always was crowded. In 1837 it had about thirty flrst class hotels. Most of them were below City Hall park. The capacity of these bouses was about 6,000. The average number of visitors to the city at that time was estimated to be 20.000. It is stated by an early historian that It was not an unusual sight to see strangers In the city wandering from house to house, carrying their baggage with tbem, seeking lodging for tbe night. At that time there were only three hotels conducted on the European plan. Lodging nt the latter was from $2.50 to $3.50 a week.—New York Press. Only an Amateur Now. "No, sir," sold the man wbo had been asked for alms; "I can give you nothing. You are a professional beggar, aren't you?" "I used to think so," replied tbe beg- gar, as he sadly pulled two cents and n collar button from bis picket, "but I bave come to the conclusion that I am only an amateur." Classified. "She Is a clergyman's daughter, you said, didn't you?" Inquired a young mnn of a friend who. had Introduced blm. "Yes," was the reply. "He's the rector, his wife's tbe director, and she's tie mlsdlrector." , One Request, Medium—Is there any question yon would like to ask your flrst wife? Sit- tcr-Ycs; I would like to ask her to (rive my Kecond wife her recipe for ■juliiteiiicat.- When troubled with sunburn, blisters, insect stings, sore feet, or heat rashes, apply Zam-Buk! Surprising how quickly it eases the smarting and stinging I Cures sores on young babies due to chafing. Zam-Buk is made from pure herbal essences. No animal fats- no mineral poisons. Finest healer! Drug gists and Stores evert/where. The Right Place A pre.tty young English woman seated at dinner next to Father Healy, the witty Irish priest, snid to him; "They tell me, Father Healy, that you have no mistletoe in your country?". "Is that so, my dear young lady? Now I think of it, I believe it is true." "Then what do the boys and girls do nt Christmas time without ^jt?" "Is it kissing you mean, my dear?. Sure they do it under the nose!"—Tit- Bits. A Sure Corrective of Flatulency.— When the undigested food lies in the stomach it throws off gases causing pains and oppression in the stomachic region. The belching or ei/uctation of these gases is offensive and the only way to prevent them is to restore the stomach to proper action. Parmelee's Vegetable Pills will do this. Simple directions go with each packet and a course ot them 'taken systematically is certain to effect a cure. "Do you believe hell is paved with good intentions?" "Well, if the job has been performed by some of the modern contractors I think that must be the condition."— Scranton Tribune. It is nn undisputed fact that one packet of Wilson's Fly Pads has actually killed a bushel of house flies Fortunately no such quantity can ever be found in a well kept house, but whether they be few or many Wilson's Fly Pads will kill them all. "What with whooping-cough, measles and all that," began the first traveller, "children are a great care, but they are blessings sometimes—" "Certainly they are," interrupted the second traveller. "I don't know how we should get along without them." "Ah, you're a family man, too?" "No; a doctor."—Tit-Bits. Minard's Liniment Cures Distemper. Berkowitz and Sternberg, travelling salesmen, met on the train. "I have just come from St. Louis, where 1 did a tremendous business," said Berkowitz. "How much do you think I sold?" "How should I know?" replied Sternberg. "Of course you don't know, but what do you guess?" "Oh, about hnlf." "Half of what?" "Why, half what you say."— Everybody's Magazine. The Foo of Indigestion.—Indigestion is a common ailment and few are free from it. It is a most distressing complaint and often the suffering attending it is most severe. The very best remedy is Parmelee's Vegetable Pills taken according to directions. They rectify the irregular action of the stomach and restore healthy action. For many years they have been a standard remedy for dyspepsia and indigestion and are highly esteemed for their qualities. A Cruel Blow Dr. Charles A. Eaton, ol the Madison avenue Baptist church, snid in the course of a brilliant after-dinner speech in Cleveland; , "Laziness is responsible for too much of the misery we see about us. It is all very well to blame alcohol lor this misery, to blame oppression nntl injustice, hut to what heights might we not nil have climbed but for our laziness?" Ho paused and smiled. "We are too much like the supernumerary in the drama," he went on, "who hnd to enter from the right'and say, 'My lord, the carriage waits.' " 'Look here, super,, said the stnge mnnnger one night, 'I want you to come on from the left instead of the right after this, and I want you to transpose your speech. Make it run hereafter, 'The carriage Waits, my lord.' "The super pressed his hand to his brow. " 'More study! More study!' he groaned."—Cleveland Leader. 'Liza, the cook-lady, according to tho Louisville Courier-Journal, was observed to be donning her joyful raiment and setting out adorned with a festive scheme of decoration thnt cannot be described, but was striking, to say the least. Her destination was inquired info. "W'y, honey," she snid, "I'se done goin' to a funeral. Mnh lodge is goin' to escoht do remnins to the cemetery." "Why nil the gorgeous attire, then, 'Liza?" she was asked. "LnwBoe,' chile," she replied, with spirit, "Dis yere pahty we is tuhnin' out fuh wns a lady, and don't you s'pose she wants de decorations to be scrumptious. W. N. U., No. 751 His Fixed Income A Southern congressman, who formerly practised law in Mississippi, tells of an amusing case he once tried in that state. He was then a student in the office of his uncle, a Col. Martin, who figured in local politics. The main figure in the trial was a lazy darky named Dick Sutton, arrested at the instance of his wife, who alleged that he contributed nothing to her support and refused to work. During the - examination of Sutton the young lawyer asked: "Dick, have you any fixed income?" Sutton was puzzled by the term. Counsel explained the expression meant a certainty, money pnid not for odd jobs, but for steady employment; in other words, a compensation at stated intcrvnls on which one could absolutely rely. V Upon the conclusion of counsel's remarks the darky's face brightened. "I think' I has a fixed income, sah," sqid he. "And what is this fixed income?" was tbe next question. "Well, sah," answered Dick with a broad grin in the direction of Col. Martin, "de colonel dere allows me fo' dollars nnd a sack of flour on 'lection day!"—Louisville Courier-Journal. The worthy parents of a sophomore at college were one day disputing as to the date of their Inst letter to their honeful, from whom, somewhat to the distress of the mother and the indifference of the father, they had not heard for some time. "Are yon sure, Thomas?" nsked the mother, unconvinced, "that it was on the twelfth, that you last wrote to Dick?" "Absolutely," . was the old man's decisive response. "I looked it up in my cheque hook this morning."' Sandy and Maggie** Sandy and his lass hnd been sitting together about half an hour in silence. "Mnggie," he said at length, "wnsna I here on Sawbnth nicht?" ' "Aye, Sandy, I daur say you were." "An' wnsna I here on Monday?" "Aye, so you were." "An' I wns here on Tuesday nicht an' Wednesday nicht, an' Thursday nicht, an' Friday nicht?" "Aye, I'm thinkin' that's so." "An' this is Saturday nicht,-an' I'm here again?" "Well, what for no? I'm sure ye're very welcome." Sandy (desperately^—"Maggie, woman! D'ye no' begin to smell a rat!" An Impressionist "And to think,1' cried the artist, "that this picture, this great work of art—though I say it—was rejected by that decrepit and fat-headed institution, the Royal Academy!" "It's a shame," agreed the pretty young lady who stood by his side, regarding the masterpiece. "I think it is a lovely picture, Mr. Splashleigh. It fairly makes my mouth water, it is so realistic!" " Splashleigh dropped his paint brush. "Mouth water!" he exclaimed. "How can Mount Vesuvius in eruption miike your mouth water?" "Yes, yes; of. course it's Mount Vesuvius! How swinid of me!" replied the lady. "For a moment I thought it was a rum omelette!"— London Sphere. Miss Chatters—It surprises me to see what a small man your brother is. He's no more than half your size. Mr. Patters—Yes; but he's only my half brother, you know.—Judge. George—Do you believe the woman ever lived who could truly say to her lover that he was the first man she had ever kissed? Madge—Yes; Eve.—Judge. THERE'S NO USE IN Being Poor and Looking Poor Watch for our Exhibit in the North Manufacturers' Building and see how your weather- beaten barn would look with a coat of our 'C0L0RSTAIN' The cheapest and most beauti. ful decorative for old, weatherworn unpainted buildings. Carbon Oil Works. Limited, WINNIPEG, CANADA. *M& OGILVIE'S ROYAL HOUSEHOLD FLOUR those baking qualities which mnke it the choice of good housekeepers everywhere, lor they find it ALWAYS GIVES SATISFACTION Your grocer sells it or can get it for you and we ure sure you will enjoy using it. Our six mills at Winnipeg, Fort William and Montreal have a daily capacity of Fifteen Thousand Barrels. We nlso make Rolled Oats, Wheat Granules, &c, for Breakfast use. THE REPORTER, NEW MICHEL, BRITISH COLUMBIA, How to Be Well Groomed While Crossing the Atlantic, HAIR NETS A NECESSITY. A Convenient Way to Carry One's Toilet Articles—Mannerisms of the College Graduate—The Girl That Is Welcomed Heartily as a Guest My Dear Elsa—I am so glad you are ■ailing from New York on the Luslta- nta, for then we will get a glimpse ef you before you cross the pond. This Is your first venture as a. transatlantic voyager, and you want me, as an old globe trotter, to give you a tip or two about steamer clothes? Well, my'dear, whether the trip over Is physically for better or worse, for sickness or health, do make wise provision before starting to protect and cherish "four personal appearance while on the briny deep. Don't get the mistaken idea Into your cerebellum that you can revel ln frumplncss and be happy at the same time or that most of the feminine part ot the ship's company •will be equally ungroomed, for they Won't. The girl who has naturally curly hair can afford to laugh at' the amies of old Boreas, but she wltb the straight locks that get salt soaked and blow across the face ln unsightly long wisps will rue the day that she left her native shore without a generous supply of hnlr nets, for tbey add more to one's comfort ahd beauty on shipboard than one bas any Idea of until they expert- •niWELED T0KT0ISB SHEUl FILET AHD llAltnEITE. ment. No; the sea wind always blows and makes the notorious March ones seem like a zephyr, so be warned ln time and get a balf dozen good, big twenty-five cent hnlr nets and be grateful to me for tbe rest of your life. The last time I went over a pretty girl In our party spent most of ber time manipulating the electric curliug irons tbut are to be found ln every Stateroom. And her persistency was greatly to be admired, but, alas, not her wavy locks, for no curls but real ones can withstand the combined effects of sea and wind to destroy tbem. Electric pads to take the place of tbe hot water bottle are fine to tnke along. And, dear, provide yourself with a voluminous automobile veil. A brown chiffon one Is best, for it doesn't give you the ghostly look tbnt green, blue or gray will when you may not be feeling quite up to the mark. Then unless you want the A.'s to think When you arrive on tbe other side that your complexion has gone off tremendously avoid using water to wash tbe face while ut sea and, 1 might add, while traveling by rail. Use your cleansing cream night nud morning, (and you will not bave a rough gray akin when you land at Queenstown. If you «Jo not feel refreshed after sleeping without the accustomed dash ot cold water a good toilet water will be found stimulating. By the way, don't fail to bave a good shied bottle with you, because It will be found the greatest comfort If you are unfortunate enough to suffer tbe horrors of mnl de mer or, barrlug this, the less strenuous headache. And I bave found thnt wben treating the face to a cream bath Is out of tbe question a mixture of alcohol and borax rubbed over tbe face with a piece of old linen takes off the dirt and the uncomely shine. Now I am going to let you ln for a pet traveling invention of mine. It's a low, broad tlu box tbe depth of my largest pot of face cream, which 1 dlvl'de Into compartments with pasteboard strips tbat will just bold each article without rattling. Little aluminium boxes for the crenm are the lightest and best to carry, for wben. abroad weight counts. Then u|gbt and morning you can place this box on your dressing table. All your toilet things will be just where you want them, nnd that tedious looking through the trunk will be avoided. Speaking of luggage, this broad, low box la easy to pack ln your steamer trunk. But stock your box completely before leaving home; otherwise you will find you must pay exorbitantly for whatever you need. You doubtless have read what Mr. Bok and bis bevy of fair lady contributors have had to say about "what clothes to take on a trip to Europe," and your traveled friends have all added their "do" and "don't" on this particular phase of tbe Situation, so regardless of the fact tbat suv Information has been sought I am going to exercise tbe privilege or «*t, i holding it. Bqt let me whisper so !i and low that 1 have a nice little set 11 chair cushions waiting to be tucked I a with your, steamer things-dear lltti e snuggly affairs thnt can be poked In behind a suffering head or back—anil tbe comfort of owning cushions Is i little tblng. but It passeth all understanding of a landlubber. Now. 1 will, wltb your permission, ease my mind about the visiting wayu of the up to date young girl. I've hail two of them stopping with me for a week, one a college brand new creature nnd the Other a product of a fashionable school. Well, there's all tiie difference In the world between what for a better word I'll call the mannerisms of these two girls. The college girl wns conspicuous for her lack of manners—tbat Is to say, she had bad manners. The boarding school graduate had the most charming way of doing and saying the simplest thing. This week as hostess has made me tblnk of all kinds of hints for the girl we're glad to see, and I'm going to unload some of my theories upon you lnstanter. In the first place, the guest we enjoy having with us has definite Ideas about what sbe does and does not want to do. She does not reply, "Oh, I don't mind," to every suggestion for her amusement, but says frankly, "I should like that very much," or else, "I'd rather not. thanks, unless you're very keen on It." She falls In with tbe ways of tbe household. She comes down to breakfast and tn to lunch and dinner at your fixed times and does not expect tbe household arrangements turned upside down to suit her convenience. If for any reason she wants to stay away for a meal she asks you first If you mind. She appreciates the little things done for ber and does not take them all as a matter of course, and she does not bave to be perpetually amused or expect her hostess to be trailing after her continually. Sbe realizes tbat sbe wants to be left alone sometimes and either has "eome letters to write" or "some shopping to do" till It Is convenient for ber to be in evidence again. Without mnking herself obtrusively at home the girl Is glad to help her hostess to entertain other guests. She tries to be agreeable to every one she meets nt your bouse, whether they appeal to ber or not. She will sing or play without needing a heap of persuasion, but Is under no false Impression as to tbe quality of her accomplishments and does Dot attempt to monopolize the piano stool. She Is just as much at home with tbe children and with the old folk as she Is with those of her own age. Tbe little ones adore her, for she Is never too tired to play with them, receiver their childish confidences, comfort their little sorrows and make peace among them. She never rubs you the wrong wny. She Is good tempered and cheerful and does not suffer wltb moods and nerves. She makes the best of tbe weather, she looks on the bright side of things, and somehow or other after she has gone you always say: "I'm so glad Nellie came. She Is always so jolly. I feel so much brighter after sbe bas been bere awhile." And. to close this discourse, sbe arrive1! when and how she said she would And she does' not leave a heap of odds and ends to be sent on after her. And she never forgets to write and tell you she reached home safely and how much she enjoyed her stay with you. Don't you think my summing up of a guest's duties toward ber hostess is n just one? And do you not think the filet of tortoise shell picked out with a daisy design ln tiny pearls and tbe bnrrette to match were a charming lit tie gift for my college guest to send me? Do arrange your plans so that you can spend at least a week with me before sailing, and until then believe me ever most sincerely yours, MABEL. New York, SOME CLERICAL BULLS. Recent Bad Mixups That Have Disturbed Grave Ceremonies. The proceedings at a recent Church Congress were enlivened by the intrusion of several very fine bulls, of which the- following are samples. At one meeting Canon A. W. Robinson, In his opening remarks, warned his MALAY PIRATES. lALL NESTS ARE INTERESTING. Something About the People Who Are But Some Birds Are Much Better Troubling Singapore. Housekeepers Than Others. Singapore is agitated just now Vy j An old French proverb says, "Each 'a tale of piracy, one of the old sort, | bird finds its own nest beautiful," legendary now. Some few weeks ogojDut to human eyes there is a mighty a Chinese junk was boarded near i difference. The dove, for example, Johore—that is, within sight of the f is 'a mighty bod housekeeper, either ... ...= „„„.....6 - - island, if not ol the city—and seven J wild as the wood-dove or tame ss the auditors that his speech would be men were killqd, besides the captain, j domestic pigeon. Two sticks, three "pointed to the verge of bluntness," | spared for torture until he surren-1 straws, a suspicion of coarse grans, will*! later in the evening Sir A. ( dered his valuables. Police, blue-jand Madam Dove is ready to lay her Coote, explaining his presence at such | jackets and volunteers are searching, pearl-white eggs argi prood them with SOME COSTLY PICTURES PRINCELY SUMS THAT HAVE BEEN PAID FOR PAINTINGS. PURSE FOR TRAVELING. An Old Norwegian Pattern That Will Appeal to Thoie Who Knit, This smnll double purse is Intended for the traveler In foreign lands, wbere gold and sliver coins must be careful' ly gunrded nnd kept apart lest the tarnished gold be given for copper, as Is only too often the case. The purse la DONE IN TWO SHADB8 UV 3JT.K. a development of nn old Norwegian pattern of knitting and works oul charmingly In nny of the pure knitting Bilks thnt are used for knitting tleB., The purses nre made In one coloi edged with another. Mole gray and green make a good combination, ol any color may be chosen to suit the dress with which the purse Is to b* worn. a gathering, said that he was like "one of those satellites of Jupiter which, when .they were visible, were al"'".ys obscured." The late Mr. Bourgeon was a keen co!l»etor nf mixed metaphors, finding n "'nil fio',*- in -he c01"rP8p0T.d«rno thet di'ilv overwhelmed him. 'A lady, enclosing a small contribution for his schools, wrote. ''I hope this widow's mite may take root nnd sprend its branches until it becomes n Hercules in your hands."-vThe milpit prsvers of nmbitious probationers added something to the great prencher',- store. One prayed that "God's rod and staff mnv be ours while tossed on the sea of life, so that we mny fight the good fight of faith nnd in the end soar to rest" ''We thank Thee tor this snark of grace; water it, Lord," was the Sententious, almost imperious en treaty of another promising young man. Still another prayed, "Gird up the loins of our mind that we may receive the * latter rain."' "As if we were barrels whose hoops were>loose," was'Mr. Sturgeon's laughing comment. It was an Irish clergyman who re mp.rked. sadly, "This is a sad and bitter world; we.never strew flowers on a man's grave until after he is dead"; while another Hibernian cleric, preaching, a funeral sermon while the corpse lay before" him, exclaimed. "Here, brethren, we have before us n living witness and a standing monument ol the frailty of humnn hopes!" Eonnlly unconscious of his humor wns the parson wheat the close of his sermon, said; "And now let us pray for the people on the uninhnbited portions of the earth"; as also the minister who, pleading for funds for a nn.rish cemetery, asked his parishioners to consider the "deplorable condition of thirty thousand Christian F.nelishmen living without Christinn berinl." », Kven more unfortunate was the clergvman who was addressing a woman's missionary meeting. "My sisters." he said, solemnly, "it is terribl" to think that thousands of gallons of rum go into Africa for every brother who is sent there." "Rather a large ollowonce for one missionary," was the whispered comment of one of. the sisters to her neighbor. He Doesn't Like Peanuts. When, fifty-four years ago, Sir Rob ert Hart was first attached to th" British Consulate at Ningpo, he hnd nn experience which was the reverse of pleasant. He was traveling to Shanghai in a 150-ton schooner, and the voyage took three weeks instead ol one, on account of a monsoon Provisions gave out, and the ship's company were reduced for twelve days to an unsavory diet of water- buffalo and peanuts—all they could get from a nearby island. "Was it any wonder that Hort could never afterwards endure the taste of peanuts, or that ut thi- sight of o passing water- buffalo his appetite was clean gohe for the dny?" This is not the only occasion when Sir Robert has experienced some of the troubles of starvation. During the Boxer rebellion of 1900, when the Legation ol ^ Pekin w.ns besieged hy the fanatics, Sir Robert, in common with the other refugees, cheerfully ate mule, "which was hatefully coarse while it wns fat, nnd unutterably tough when it grew lean." Lord Charles Beresford on Irishm'.n. The Emerald Isle is1 proud ol "Charlie." and "Charlie" is proud ol his native land and countrymen. "Irishmen mny have their faults," he snys, "but give me an Irishman—the best fellow that ever was. Could nny. body tell more stories than the Irish?" One of the best stories he ever heard .was about a fellow who was fond of shooting. He said, "The first bird I ever shot was a squirrel, and the first time I hit him i missed mm alto gether, and the next time 1 hit him I hit him in the same place, and aflcr thnt I took a stone nnd dropped liim Irom the tree, and he fell into Ihe wnter and was shot, and thnt was the first bird I ever shot." And Lord Charles is never tired of quoting the story of tho Irish member of the House of Commons who compared a certain whisky to a "torchlight procession trickling down his throat." Bedlam. The word "bedlam'* is a corruption of the word "Bethlehem" nnd origin. n*ed ns n synonym lor chnos at the time when the house ol Bethlehem, occupied by n sisterhood of Loudon, became an insane asylum. The treatment of the insane in the early part of the sixteenth century was not well understood, and, according to the theories then prevalent, it wns necessary to frighten the patient out of hie lunacy. All sorts of awful expedients were resorted to. among them "surprise floors," which slipped from under the leet; "surprise baths" and floggings jjt the periods ol most severe illness; hence the name "bedlam," the result of incorrect spelling, possibly, came easily to stand for awful things. English Peers Can't Vote. Disfranchiscrrent is one ol the peculiar disabilities under which a peer of the realm suffers. Lord Salisbury once attemnted to secure a vote tor Hertford and Middlesex, but the revising barrister at Hatfield refused the elnim on the ground thnt time hnd given the disability the character of law and thnt peers, by the law of Parliament necessary for the dignity and freedom of the two Houses, were not permitted to vote for mem hers ol the House of Commons. Lord Salisbury took the case to the Appeal Court, but ns\\he could quote "neither precedent nor authority" lie was obliged to go back to Hotfleid without his vote.—London Chronicle. for the miscreants. Perhaps there is no cose, on record so outrageous within such a trifling distance from the min-of-war in Singapore Roads, but elsewhere in those seas it would a touching .devotiq6| Neither she nor her mate has any shame in such a nest, for they always set it where it can be plainly seen. Robin Redbreast belies the -J-— not have been remarkable less than [that practice makes perfect. He of- 50 years ago. "Malay pirates," ten builds three nests a season, but writes Frederick Boyle in The Pall | they are solid, commonplace, mud- Mall Gazette, are so closely identified with fiction of the boys' adventure class that sceptics have doubted their existence in ' plain fact. But the wildest romancer would not dare to describe th-un as they actually were in their grent day. About 1850 Rajah Btooke put the npmher of those who swept the coasts of Borneo alone, going and returning with the monsoons, et 5,000. When Consul i't Bruni. somewhat later, Bt, John estimated the population which lived, ns one may ?ay, by piracy, at 60,000. And if "casuals" had been included, with their women and children, it would have been vastly larger. The judicious reader instantly replies that trade must haye come to op end promptly "under this infliction. But the ruffians did. not depend on plunder It was welcome, but they sought slaves—and blood. Inexplicable as it seems to us, the par- ompaks. ■ though mostly Mohammedans, regarded their employment as a calling or profession to which they were born With no, thought of \\Vrong- doing, apparently, they murdered hormless fishermen, sailors, or peas ants dwelling on the shore, if too old or feeble to be worth transport, anil tortured those' whom they carried off Among the moat dreaded pirates also were the Seribas and Sakorran Dyaks, Rajah Brouke's future'subjects, who wanted heads and nothing more; all plundei they surrendered to the Malay Chief who provided the praus and navigated them. But these were a local scourge. It is not very surprising to lenin thnt the worst Malay pirates weie not Malays at all; that unfortunate race bears a good many imputations which it does not deserve. The La nuns, or lllanuns, dwelt originally in Mindanao, a great island of the Philippines where Dampier found then, petceable enough, working gold. They we'-) not a seafaring people then. thoiiL'h the chiefs had their gorgeous harness The [Balinini came from Sulu; in fact, tjhat was a piratical name for the islanders, otherwise called Sulus. Perhaps it was they who started the nhominable practice, for the Spaniards we** proveked into sending an expedition ngainst them so early as I5R9. It failed, as did many another; 'and from that time," says the old historian Zuniga. "it is incredible whnt i number of Indians (Philippines) hnve Been made prisoners, what villages have been destroyed, anil what vessels have been captured." But the Spaninrds succeeded at length in making Mindanao too hot to hold th-* Lnnnn freebooters, who dispersed, forming settlements up and down the China 8en, ench of which hecume a centre of piracy. One enn understand that this w'ay of life fosters courage and enterprise ns well ns seamanship. The daring of these two peophs especially was superb, ln their praus of fifty to a hundred tons -burden they started every year with the monsoon for n cruise of six o,' twelve or even eighteen months. Nothing daunted them until the treacherous European invente:! stenm. Crnwto-d ndmits that the Sulus had attained o 'Vousidernblc civilization" of their own; in fact, Hunt's report r.n the main island, drawn up for Sir Stnmford Ruffles, pictures it n garde*), admirably cultivated by a free and happy people Doubtless the pirates were law abiding and industrious when at home. plastered affairs, as unpoetic as the mud nests of the house martin. The lee martin puts up a different home for himself and mate. His nest ntoy have a foundation of mud, but it is cushioned within, stuccoed without, with fine wood lichens, into a thing of beauty. It vies, indeed, with the nests of the chimney swallow, the queer angular affairs stuck flat against the sutty chimney side. They are ol tiny sticks, built up like elfin log cabins, and cemented at the corners, as well as held last to the chimney by a sort of glue secreted by the birds themselves. The warblers are pattern nestbuild- ers. They generally choose a spot of safe seclusion, "far from the .madding crowd," as it were, then pitch upon some cup of twig and line >t and cushion it with the finest soft fibers, fine grass, horse hair, humnn hair, bits of string. In choosing they are curiously intelligent. If a handful of variegated' threads be spread out where they can find them, all the sad-colored ones will the used, the gay ones left. Not so. with the cat bird. His catcall has something savage about it, and he has also a savage taste ior red. Bits bf red flannel are a dear delight to himi He will tug and tug i at them, letting go, then seizing them again, until he has found the exact spot at which the weight of this treasure trove least impedes flight. The odd thing is that he does not line his nest with the flannel once he has it safe. He works it into the outer wall, the latter being of rough sticks and thorns. Mocking birds love a nest in garden shrubbery, orchard tangle or the scented thickets oi sn abandoned field. They build big nests, soft, elastic and lined with the finest hair, sometimes off my lady's head. They come next to the oriole as aerial architects! Almost everyone who has lived iri the country for nny \\grent length of time has noticed the pretty purse-shaped oriole houses swung from orchard boughs, but few, perhaps, know the bird's trick of bending down a leafy twig to ambush hie precious nest, and holding the twig in plnce with a loose wrapping ol long fibers. A Flower of Many Names.* One of the most cheerful flowers in the old gardens was the happy faced, little pansy that under various fanciful folk names has ever been loved. Its Italian name means idle thoughts; the German, little stepmother. Spencer called it pawnee. Shakespeare said maidens called it love in idleness, and Drayton named it heartsease. Dr. Prior gives these names: Herb trinity, three faces under a hood, fancy flamy, kiss me, pull me, euddie me unto you, tickle my fancy, kiss me ere I rise, jump up and kiss me* kiss me at the garden gate, pink of my Joan. To these let me add the New England folk names-: Birdseye, garden gate, johnny-jump-up, kit run nbout, nono so pretty and Indies' delight. All these testily to the affectionate and intimate friendship lelt for this laughing and lairly-speaking little garden face, not the least of whose endearing qualities was that after a half warm, snow melting week in January and February this bright- some little "delight" often opened a tiny blossom to greet and cheer us— a true jump up and kiss me. Sum of $360,000 Paid For Holbein's "Christina of Denmark" Ranks High In the List But J. P. Morgan's Price of Half a Million for a Raphael Prevents It Becoming a Record—Picture Costs Two Lives. Big prices for pictures are by no means rare nowadays, but the sum of $360,000 demanded for Holbein's famous portrait of "Christina of Denmark" is almost unprecedented. In the National Gallery at the present time the picture which coBt most money is what is known as the "Blenheim Raphael," lor which $350,000 was paid in 1885. The other Raphael; In the gallery is the property of Mr. Pitrpont Morgan, and he is believed to have given $500,000 lor the work. There is an interesting story attached to a portrait of Lady Coburn and her children by Sir Joshua Reynolds Bow in the gallery. In 1898 this beautiful work was bequeathed to the nation by Lady Hamilton, and lor a few years occupied an honored position among England's art treasures. Some time in 1889, however, the family discovered that Lady Hamilton had only a life interest in the work, and was, therefore, not entitled to dispose ol it, and they claimed repossession. After testing their case, the Gallery trustees found themselves compelled to give up the picture, and the family sold it to Mr. Alfred Beit, the South African millionaire, foi about $150,000. Now, however, the picture once more hangs in the nation's vreat gallery, for when Mr. Beit died a year or two ago, he bequeathed the work to the nation. Romance is frequently, a feature in the history of great works of art, and the story of a great picture that was English Politeness. The expression "Thank you" is much more current in England than in America. It is also used with much wider significance, often as the equivalent of "I beg your pardon." For instance, an English person phss- ing before another or perhaps jostling one or even treacling on his foot will sny in apology, "Thank you." The phrase is heard constantly. If a salesman in a shop or a newsboy on the streets solicits your custom nnd you refuse it he will sny "Thnnk you" quite as ohecitully as if voti mnde n purchase. There is n difference in the utterance too. The English emphasize the second word very strongly nnd finish with o rising inflection, ns if asking a question. An American is recognized at once by his accenting the word "thank" and closing with the lolling inflection. Her Proposals. Talking of the Baroness Burdett- Coutts, Lord Houghton snid: "Miss Contts likes me because I never proposed to her. Almost nil the young men of good family did. Those who did their duty bv their family always did. Mrs. Browne (Miss Coutts' companion) used to see it coming ami took herself out of the wny Ior ten minutes, but sho only went into tho next room nnd left the door open, and then the propnsnl took plnce, und immediately it w-as done Miss Coutts coughed, and Mrs. Browne enme iu again."—Augustus J. C. Hare's Recollections. No "Rooms for Rent.' "Iu London the good woman who has furnished lodgings to let never puts out thnt 6ign, 'Room for Rent,' so familiar in the cities ol Canada,' said a traveler. "Instead she dis- j plays the single word 'Residence.' That sounds queer to' us, and until the Canadian visitor ' becomes wise as to its meaning he wonders what its purpose might be. Any native will tell him that bought for two human lives iB not " uninteresting. The picture is a beautiful representation of the "Immaculate Conception" by Murillo, and hangs in the Louvre, in Paris. While Marshal Soult was lollowing the retreating army of Sir John Moore before Corunna, a party of his soldiers took as prisoners two monks. This class was very hostile to the French, and monks captured were generally at once shot. Instead of following the usual practice, however, the great marshal ordered these two to lead him to their monastery. At the monastery, Sdult saw the picture, and wished to buy it, but the prior refused to sell, stating that be had been offered $20,000 for the work. Tfte marshal then offered $40,000, and, thinking he saw a chance to save his humbler brethren, the prior accepted, on the condition that the two monks should be handed over to him. "Their ransom, is $40,000," said Soult, seizing hold ot hia opportunity, nnd nothing the prlof could say would move him from his quickly- made decision. Eventually, the great picture was given up to the marshal in exchange for the lives of his prisoners. Frequently, there have been coses of valuobio pictures being lost or stolen, and never heard ol again; and, on the other hand, pictures whose very existence have been forgotten, turn up from time to time, once more to cause a stir in the world. So recently as 1904, in the home of a gentleman at Whitehaven, a canvas was found rolled up, and in such a fearfully dirty condition that, at first, it was quite impossible to trace any signs ol a picture. Careful cleaning, however, disclosed a portrait ot two children by George Romncy, and one of that artist's finest works. Fifty years before, the canvas had been bought, with two others, for $5, At Christie's, it letched $35,000. Only the year before the unearthing of this treasure, iri the possession of nn old lady of Worthing was lound tiie portrait of a lady in a white muslin dress with yellow trimmings. The picture wns covered with dirty varnish and disfigured by two holes. An attempt to dispose of it to some dealer ior $25 wns unsuccessful, but when it j was found to be a Gainsborough, and sent to auction, it sold Ior no less thnn J45.0O0, the purchaser being Sir Charles Wertheimer. The Point of View, There is, always was and ever will A "Bounty" Relic. There hns jus! been sold nt Sotheby's, in London, nn interesting relic of His Majesty's ship Bounty and Pitcoirn Island. It is a beautifully constructed bos, inr.de by Thursday Oct Christion, of Pitcnirn, about I860, out of Miro wood. On tho top, is a small metal plate mnde from the nniis of the Bounty. This Interesting relic realized four und a hnlf guineas. Its prototype was presented lo the late Qu"<;n Victoria by Admiral Moresby, in 1863, ns "a mark of esteem Iron, li"r subjects on the lonely island cl Pitcnirn." means the occupant ol the house will rent n part thereof to one who is seeking a place to reside in. So if you nre in England and wish to rent a iurnisbod apartment or room wherever you see the word 'Residence' go boldly ill and state your mission." Crape on the Door. The custom of placing crape on the door of n house where there has been n recent death hnd its origin in the ancient English heraldic customs nnd dates back to the yenr 1100 A.D. At thnt period hatchments, or armorial ensigns, were placed in front ol houses when the nobility or gentry died. Tlio hatchments were ol diamond shap** and contained the family nrins quartered and covered with sable. Locating the Trouble. One day Mary came to her mother and said, "Mother, my ear aches!" "Does it ache very bad, Mary?" asked her mother. "No." "Well, run out and play. Then you will forget about it." Mary went out, but pretty soon sho came back and said: "Mother, rny ear does ache. It is not the hole, but the ruffle nround it." Knew the Ropes. "Whnt do you sny to a young lady nt a dance?' quoted the youth who was nbout to attend hia first ball. "Oh," replied the society man, "talk to her about her beauty," "But suppose Bhe hasn't any?" snid the youth. "In that case," rejoined the society man, "talk to her about the ugliness ol the other girls present,"- London Tntler. such a legend j be j0 much 7n tiie point ol view. An old darky, wandering through the east Bide in a vain search for work, wouldn't have understood this original thought il he had heard it, though he unconsciously exemplified1 it. Weary nnd footsore, he leaned against nn electric light pole to rest. Several factory whistles in the neighborhood blew tho noon hour. As tluj shrill blasts (lied away the old durky" turned to a loitering resident ol the block and remarked scntetiliously: "Yos, snh, it's sure dinner time lor lots o' folks, but it's only'12 o'clock fer me." Anil he shambled on down the street—looking Ior a job. To Change Umbrella Handles. Sometimes a person \\Vould like to change au expensive umbrella handle to another umbrella and Insten it on solid. This can be done by cleaning out the hole left in the bundle from the old rod and filling tho hole with powdered sulphur. Place the handle in a solid upright position and after heating the uuibrellu **od red hot push the rod down into the hole containing the sulphur. The hot rod (uses the sulphur, and when cool it will hold the rod solid. This method may be applied to fastening rpds into stone, iron or wood. The Way It Goes. "What sort ol a customer it Brown?" "Fine. He always pays his bills on the 10th ol tho month." "And what do you kno*> about Green?" "1 don't know much about Grocn'a credit. You see, he always paysctu,ii when he geta * anything, arid so 'I 'couldn't say whether he's honest or not." THE REPORTER. NEW MICHEL, BRITISH COLUMBIA. Satan Sanderson By 1IALLIE ERMINIE RIVES. Author ol "Heerts Courageous," Etc Copyright, 1908. the Bobba-MerrlU Company. (Continued.) SVs. 7-**>iE""- Chapter 4 ^j NSIDE the study meanwhile the bishop waa greeting Harry Sanderson. He bad officiated at his ordination and liked him. His eye! took ln the simple order of the room, lingering with a light tinge of disapproval upoo the violin case in the cor ner and wltb a deeper shade of ques- tion upon tbe Jewel op the other's fin. ger, a pigeon blood ruby In a setting curiously twisted of tbe two initial let ten of bis name There came to Ml mind far an Instant a whisper or eany prodigalities and wlldnesses which be bad beard. "I looked ln to tell you a bit of news." Bald the bishop. "I've just come from David Stlres. He bas a letter from Van Lennap, tbe great eke surgeon of Vienna. He disagrees with tbe rest of tbem. Thinks Jessica's case may not be hopeless." The cloud that Hugh's call bnd left oo Qarry's countenance lifted. "Thnnk God!" be said. "Will she go tb bim?" Tbe bishop looked at blm curiously, for tbe exclamation seemed to bold more tban a conventional relief. "He Is to be In America next month. He will come bere then to examine and "Will she go to Mmt" ■perhaps to operate. Poor child! It will be a terrible tblng for ber If tbls last hope falls ber, too, especially now, when she and Hugh are to make a match ot It" Harry's face was turned away, or the bishop would have seen It suddenly (tattled. "To make a match of it!" To bide the flush he felt staining bis cheek Hurry bent to close the safe. A something tbat bad darkled In some obscure depth of his being whose existence be bad not guessed was throbbing now to a painful resentment Jessica waa to marry Hugbl "A handsome fellow—Hugh!" said tbe bishop. "He seems to bave returned with a new heart—a brand plucked from tbe burning. You bad tbe same alma mater, I think you told me. Yonr influence has done the boy good. Sanderson!" Be laid bis band kindly on the other's shoulder. "The fact tbat you were In college together makes bim look up to yon—as the whole par. lsh does," be added. Harry was setting tbe combination and did not answer. But through the turmoil iu bis brain a satiric voice kept repeating: "No, they don't call me 'Satan now!" Tbe white bouse In tbe aspens wns ln gala attire. Flowers—great banks of bloom—were massed ln the ball, along the stairway and ln tbe window seats, and wreaths of delicate fern trembled on the prim hung chandeliers. Over all breathed tbe sweet fragrance of jasmine. Musicians sat' behind a screen of palms In a corridor, nnd a long scarlet carpet strip ran down tbe front steps to tbe driveway, up which paased bravely dressed folk, arriving in carriages and on foot, to witness the completion of a much booted romance. For a fortnight tbls afternoon's event had been tbe chat of tbe town. for David Stlres, wbo today retired from active business, was Its magnate, the owner of Its finest single estate and of Its most Important bank. From bis scapegrace boyhood Hugb Stlres bad made himself tbe subject of uncomfortable discussion. His sudden disappearance after tbe rumored quarrel witb his father and the advent of Jessica Holme had furnished the community sufficient material for gossip. The wedding hsd capped this gossip with nn appropriate climax. Tongues bad wagged over Its pros and cons, for Hugh's post hod Induced a whole- aome skepticism of his future. Tbere wns an additional element of romance, too. In tbe situation, for Jos- alca, wbo hnd never yet seen her lover, would see her hUBbnnd. The grent Burgeon on whose prognostication she bad built bo much bnd arrived nnd bad operated. The experiment hnd been completely successful, nnd Jessica's hope of vision had become a sure and certain promise. The operation over, there hnd remained many days before tbe bandages could bo removed—before Jessica could be given her Orst glimpse of the world for nearly three years. Hugh had urged against delay. If he had stringent reasons of bis own he was silent concerning tbem. And Jessica, steep. ed In tbe delicious wonder of new and Inchoate sensations, had yielded. So It bad come about tbat tbe wed ding was to be on this hot August afternoon, although It would be yet some time before tbe eye bandages might be laid aside save In a darkened room. In her girlish, passionate Ideality Jessica bad offered a sacrifice to her sentiment She had promised herself tbat the flrst form her new sight sbould behold should be'not her lover, but ber husband. Tbe Idea pleased ber sense of romance. It was a sweltering afternoon, and hi tbe wide east parlor limp handkerchiefs and energetic fans fought vainly against tbe Intolerable heat. There, as the clock struck (», u hundred pairB of eyes galloped between two centers of Interest—the door at which tbe bride j would enter and the raised platform at the otber end of tbe room where, prayer book ln hand. In his wide robes and flowing sleeves. Hurry Sanderson had just taken bis stand. Perhaps more looked at Harry than at tbe door. He eeemed bis usual magnetic self as he stood there, backed by the Sow- ers, his waving brown hair unsmooth- ed, tbe ruby ring glowing dull red against the dark leather of the book be held. But Harry Sanderson wns far from feeling tbe grave, alien figure be appeared. In tbe past weeks he bad waged a silent warfare with himself, bitter because repressed. The strange new thing tbnt bad sprung up In blm tie had trampled mercilessly under. From tbe thought tbat he loved tbe promised wife of anotber a quick, fastidious sense in bim recoiled abashed. This painful struggle had been sharpened by his sense of Hugb's utter worthlessness. To that rustling assemblage tbe man wbo was to mske those solemn promises was David Stlres' ton, wbo bad bad his fling, turned over Us new leaf becomingly and was now offering substantial hostages to good repute. To blm, Harry Sanderson, he was a flaneur, a marginless gambler ln tbe futures of hla father's favor and a woman's heart Only a moment Harry stood waiting; tben the palm screened musicians began tbe march, and Hugh took bis place, animated and assured, looking tbe flushed and expectant bridegroom At the same Instant the chattering nnd hubbub ceased. Jessica, on tbe arm of tbe old man, erect but walking feebly with bis cane, was advancing down the roped lane. Harry's eyes dropped to tbe opened book, though be knew tbe office by heart He spoke tbe time worn adjuration wltb clear enunciation, with almost perfunctory distinctness. He did not look at Hugh, "If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him speak or else hereafter forever bold bis peace." In tbe pause—the slightest pause—that turned the page he felt an insane prompting to tear off his robes, to proclaim to this roomful of heated, gaping, fan fluttering humanity that he himself, a minister of the gospel, the celebrant of the rite, knew "Just cause." The choking Impulse passed. The periods rolled on. Tbe long white glove was slipped from the band, tbe ring put on the finger, and the pair whom God nnd Harry Sanderson hnd Joined together were kneeling on the wblte sntin prledieu with bowed heads under tbe final Invocation. As they knelt choir voices rose. Then, while tbe music lingered," the hush of the room broke In a confused murmur, tbe white ribbon wound ropes were let down, and a voluble wave of, congratulatory swept over tbe spot ln a moment more Harry found blmself laying off bis robes ln the next room iV celebrant of the rite Knew "nut cause' Wltb a slgb of relief be stepped through the wide French window into the garden. Tbe strain over, he longed for the solitude of his study. But David Stlres hud nsked blm to remain for a final word, since bride ond groom were to leave on tn early evening truln: the old man wns to accompany them a pnrt of the Journey, nnd "the Si Ires place" was to be closed for an Indefinite period. It wns not long before the sound of gny voices and of carriage wheels came around the corner of the house, for the reception wns to be curtailed. One by one he beard the carriages roll down tbe graveled driveway. A last chime of voices talking together—Harry could distinguish Hugb's voice now -and at length quiet told hlm the Inst of tbe guests were gone. The enst room wns empty snve for scrvnnts who were gathering some of the cut flowers for themselves. He stood aimlessly for a few moments looking about him. A wblte carnation Iny u t tbe foot of the dnls, fallen from Jessica's shower bouquet He picked this up, abstractedly smelled Its perfume nnd drew the stem through bis buttonhole. He heard voices In tbe library, and, opening the door, be entered. In tbe room sat old David Stlres In bis wheel cbalr opposite bis son. He was deadly pale, and his fierce eyes blazed like lire In tinder. And wbat a Hugh! Not the Indolently gay prodigal Harry bad known ln the past nor the flushed bridegroom of a balf hour ago! It was a cringing, a hangdog Hugh, with a slinking dread In tbe £ face, a trembling 7 °f the bands, a \"""/ tense expecta- "We have married tion ln the pos- Jessica to a com- ture. Tbe thin moit thief7" line across bis brow was a livid pallor. His eyes lifted to Harry's for an Instant tben returned in a kind of fascination to a slip of paper on tbe desk, on wbleb bis father's forefinger rested, like a nail transfixing an animate infamy. "Sanderson," said tbe old mnn tn a low, hoarse, unnatural voice, "come ln and shut the door, God forgive ub!' We have married Jessica to a common thlefl Hugh, my Bon, my only child. Whom I have forgiven beyond all reckoning, has forged my .name to a draft for $6,000!" Determined to Be Pleasant and Gives Wife a Surprise. IBUYS A LOT OF ANTIQUES. (To be Continued.) MILAOY MOVES. He moved Into a roomy place With roses round the door And many blooms of brilliant hue Man never saw before. Upon Its fair and broad expanse A kitchen garden grows. Its gently rolling upward elope An orchard will disclose. The homely barnyard chanticleers Within Its gates are found, And scattered through Its leafy nooks. The song birds sweet abound. There Is a mortgage on the roof— Her spouse will vouch for that- Nor does he bless the day on which She moved Into her hat -McLandburgh Wilson tn New yorH Times. On to Him. Prodigal Son—Father, 1 bave return ed! Father-Yes, go! dern ye! I thought you'd show up nbout tbe time the prep ty summer boarders began to arrive al the farai'-New York World. Oxford Bibles. The Bible press of Oxford produce! on an avearage 3.000 copies of tbe Bible, not to mention prayer books, every day. The skins bf 100,000 animals are used every year for tbe covers of Oxford Bibles. Flattered. "Waal, I swan!" drawled tbe post- muster at Bacon Ridge, "Thar goes old Dr. Grimes." "Yaas; the old man Is getting to be quite a sport," chuckled oue of tbe louugers—"shaves twice a week, puts b'ar's grease lu his hair, wears his mustache pointed like a corkscrew und puts on n b'iled shirt once every Sundny." "Gosh and hemlock! What's the old man up to?" "Why, he thinks be's handsome!" "What iu tarnation gave him tbnt Idea ?" "Haven't you heard? The pretty schoolteacher from the city passed him on tbe road and asked blm if be wasn't a 'beauty doctor.'"—Detroit Free Press. • Making a Garden. 1 got some packages of seeds and planted ili'in ln rows. The land was freed From clod and weed And watered with a hose. And where 1 planted early peas X take my solemn vow That early peas Wave ln the breeze And gayly blossom now. I hate to balk the humorists, but I am forced to say That beans have grown Where beans were sown. It sometimes works that way. —Kansas City Journal. Philosopher Hands Himself a Bouquet, but Mrs. Bowser's Criticisms Result In a Spoiled Anniversary, and Threats of a Divorce Follow, [Copyright, 1909, by Associated Literary Press.! fl* was half-past 4 o'clock ln the afternoon, and Mrs. Bowser, wbo bad been downtown to do a little shopping, had reached home and was feeling for her key to unlock the floor wben It was opened from within by Mr. Bowser. Her first thought wns tbat he had come bome HI, but tbe bland smile on bis face proved to tbe contrary, Her next thought was that be bad traded tbe place for a chicken farm and had come home to pack the furniture and get right out among tbe hens tbat night but his words dispelled that l« "You ure surprised, dear," he balmily sold, "but u word will explain all. 1 came home early to give you a bit of surprise." "A surprise?" she queried. "Why- why should you?' "Do you know what date tbis Is?" "Yes." "Do you remember fhat hajtpened twenty-two years ago today?" "No-o-o." ".No? Well, love, twetity-two years ago today I led one of the nicest little women In the world to the altar. That little woman stands before me." "Oh, you mean It's our twenty-sec-, ond wedding anniversary?" "Exactly." "And I had forgotten all about It How nice of you to have kept track of It!" "There's, the difference between bus- bands nnd wives, Mrs. Bowser. It Is always tbe husband tbat keeps semi Recognised the Umpire, "Charley, dear," said lyoung Mrs. Torklns, "I nm learning n lot about baseball. 1 can pick out the umpire every time." "Oh. you enn!" "Yes. He's the gentleman with the marcel waves on his chest."—Washington Star. A Diamond Divorcee Bhe fan. made ball a hit base- and witha wed home her title's first, third; titie her stole get her LO sec flccd ond nacrl' man, Was ' -W. B. Kerr In Judge. "UK I'A'RTED IT WHILE IM I'llIBOK." ment il'.ive after marriage. 1 huve hud this di'-y lu mind for long weeks." "Ho*)' good of you! I nm ashamed thnt II bad quite slipped my mind. Think of It—twenty-two yenrs ago!" "And there's never been un unkind word passed between us. Ou'r married lit" hub simply been a dreum. I hope ard trust we may see another twenty-reco'ud anniversary. Yes, tweu- ty-two long years, dear, and nb mnn bus ever hnd n better little wife. If any one were to offer me u tho'isnnd dollars I couldn't mention one itlugle fault on '-our side." "You r»ully make me blush. I know I bnve get a lot uf faults, and It Is kind of you to overlook them. So you have gut something to surprise me?" **l have, love, 1 have been hunting nbout for tbe last month. I wanf-d tu render the occasion extra memoru'bic." "That's just like you. Shall 1 try to guess wbat It Is?" "You might guess for a week ai"l you couldn't bit It It's nothlug in tbe Hue of Jewelry?" "No?" "Il Isn't books or any article of chitll- lng. It's no use for you to guess.' "You hnVen't gone und got me u parrot ?" queried Mrs Bowser, with ber heart III ber mouth, but determined to make IV best of It it he hnd. Mr. Bowser flushed up and then broke lulu laughter oud slapped bis leg uud exclaimed: ••Hear the little one talk! A pcfrot! Gee whiz! No, dear, 1 haven't quite lost uiy senses yet Come lull) the parlor with tne. 1 wonted to get: the things Into tbe bouse without your seeing tbem, and I couldn't have managed It if you bud not beeu out. It must ba ve beep tbe band of Providence tbat guided you downtown this afternoon. Behold!" Mrs. Bowser beheld. She beheld an old stand. Sbe beheld nn old chair. She beheld au old oil painting with a broken, tarnished frame ou It. She beheld an old blue pitcher with Ihe nose knocked off. Sbe heboid what seemed to be a silver salver covered with verdigris. "W-what are they?" she asked as she sunk Into the nearest cbalr and gasped for breath. "Mementos of our twenty-second wedding anniversary. Mrs. Bowser, and I am proud nnd happy to present tbem to you. Bach and every one of Ihem will remind yon of each nnd tvttf dny of our blissful married life. Yon trill come to regard them ns priceless." | Sentiment Surrounds Eaoh Pleoe. "ltut-bilt"- . "Oh. I w111 explain them to you. 1 skill have to In order to make you un derstand the sentiment and value When 1 saw them at the dealer's 1 took them for a beap of old rubbish, but ten minutes later I knew they were lust what 1 wanted. Listen, Mrs. Bowser. Tbat stand once occupied tbe place of bonor ln the tbrone room ot Julius Caesar." Mrs. Bowser lost her breath and heard a dull roaring In her ears. "Cleopatra sat in that cbalr when she hugged tbe asp to her bosom and was stung to death!" Mrs. Bowser choked with the lump In/her throat and wondered if sbe wns going to die rlgbt then and there. "That oil painting Is by Aristotle. He painted It while ln prison and awaiting trial for the killing of a girl who jilted him. Wben he came to trinl It wus the picture that saved hlm. His judges agreed that a man who could paint like thnt could not be guilty of murder. Tbe painting was afterward stolen from bim and at the eud of twenty years was found in the house of Charlemagne, who hnd gobbled It. Whether Chnrlemagne was punished for his offense against the law Is a mutter lost in tbe lapse of time. All the old masters took tbis picture ns n guide, lu fact. It was the beginning of the old master business. Please remember wbat I have told you, so ns tu be able to explain It to your callers." Mrs. Bowser gave a shiver and lost ber memory In a flash. "This old blue pitcher has a curious history. Cicero flrst presented It to Nero. After a year or two Nero presented It to Claudius. Tbeu it passed from Claudius to Alexander the Great. It was while Alexander had It that he slipped on a banana peel and fell down and broke tbe nose off. It was then thrown on the scrap heap and was not heard of again for a hundred years. It then appeared on the banquet table of Cyrus, king of Persia, and we can trace it down through various hands until It finally reached those of Benedict Arnold. He left It behind when he fled from West Point, and it Is said that this waB the only sorrow he had. It Is now ln our possession, Mrs. Bowser, and will remain here as long as we live. That silver salver simply belonged to William tbe Cqnqueror. If you bnve anything to say you can bave the floor." Because Dealer Told Him So. Mrs. Bowser had been sitting and silently praying for an earthquake or it cyclone to come, but neither is ever made to order. Sbe bad to speak, and after n great effort she said: "Who—who told you about these things?" "Why, the dealer I bought tbem of." "And bow do you know that he told you the truth?" "Why, whnt possible object could he have in deceiving me? Of course be told tne the truth." "But history doesn't say that Aristotle was ever ln love, ever ln prison, or ever painted a picture." "Suppose It doesn't? Do you think history hns kept track of everything flint's happened ln the world? Mrs. Bowser, you show a disposition to enrp, und I'm nstonlshed." "But bow could Cicero present that old pitcher to Nero when they didn't live In the same century? There were no stuffed chairs in cieopatru's time. Nero and Claudius were also a hundred years npnrt. It was very nice and thoughtful of you"— •'Mrs, Bowser." Interrupted Mr Bowser as the red came Into bis face, "nre you going to criticise tbese valuable mementos?*' "No, but you see"— "I see that you would have preferred a fifteen cent pinchbeck breastpin to what 1 bare collected here!" be shouted. "You know I wouldn't, only"— "Only out of the wny, womnn! I might hnve known how you would act. Relics of Nero, Claudius and Cleopatra, goodby!" And. picking up tbe cbalr, he used It as n sledge to break and smash and splinter uutll a heap of broken stuff represented the history of a thousand years ago. When he hnd finished he broke the Inst leg off the chair, kicked the stuffing out and then stood with folded arms aud said: "Mrs. Bowser, our forty-second anniversary mny come, our hundredth, our thousandth, but never again do I bring a memorial into this house- never! You telephone your lawyer nnd I will mine, and we'll bnve the divorce arranged for in nn hour!" M. QUAD. MAIDS OF HONOR. Their Position tn the Royal Household ' of England. Maids of honor are chosen by the- queen herself from among the daugh- . ters of peers, wbo If not themselves j connected with the royal household) tare personal friends of her majesty. i A letter Is always sent to the parents I of the young lady requesting that as a. personnl favor to the queen sbe may I be permitted to attend at court As- the position is undeniable and tbe salary Is £300 a year, the request Is Invariably accepted, und then the newly chosen mnid receives from the lord chamberlain the command for ber flrst "wait." The flrst thing brought to the mold of honor Is her badge, whicb Is a miniature picture of the queen set in brilliants and suspended to a ribbon. Just before tbe dluner hour tbe maid of bonor In waiting bas to stand ln tbe corridor outside the qucen'a private- apartments. Sbe carries a bouquet which on entering the dining room she lays at the right band of the queen's plate." The maid of honor sits at dinner next to the gentleman on the queen's right This rule Is relaxed wben royal guests are present After dinner, unless otherwise commanded, the maid of honor retires to ber own room, whence, however, she Is frequently fetched to read, sing, play the piano or take a hand at cards.—Csssel's Saturday Journal. Illustrated Definitions. "Tipping tbe scales." Something Alike, j "Music nnd the real estate business are something alike." , "How's tbnt?" I "Sharps and tints piny a large part In both."-Kansas City Times. I CROWS ON GOLF LINKS. One Fastidious Bird That Would Steal. Only New Balls. The crow seems to be attracted to- golf balls in a way wholly, peculiar from the rest of tbe bird species. In- parks, where the rook and the crow abound, one can notice tbem sitting in tbe trees or bopping about tbe putting- greens In the distance watching tbe roll of the ball with a direct or sidelong glance expressive of tbe keenest Interest and curiosity, which Is soot* translated Into a desire to carry It off to the roost In tbe neighboring wood. The Kcw gardens adjoin the mid- Surrey course, and In the royal preserve there used to be a fairly .large colony of crows nesting among the trees. Of this colony there was one particular crow that found bis greatest amusement ln mingling among the golfers and ln disconcerting their play by Indulging ln repeated predatory campaigns against their golf balls. His policy was to hover ln attendance on those players who used new wblte balls only. Tbose on which the paint had been cblpped or whlcb bad been used ln play for several rounds' by nn economical player were always- rejected by this particular bird as being beneath his fastidious attention.— London Field. The Normal Attitude Toward Death. The normal attitude of men toward death seems to be one of inattention- or evasion. They do not trouble about ltj they do not want to trouble about It. and they resent Its being called to their notice. On tbls point the lnte Frederick Myers used to tell a story which I have always thought very Illuminating. In conversation nfter dinner he was pressing on bis host the unwelcome question what he thought would happen after death. After many evasions and much recalcitrancy the reluctant admission was extorted, "Of course, If you press me I believe that we shall all enter Into eternal bliss, but I wish you wouldn't tnlk nbout such disagreeable subjects." Tbls I believe Is typical of the normal inood of most men. They don't want to be worried, and though probably, If the question were pressed, tbey would object to the Idea of extinction, they can hardly be said to desire Immortality. Even at the point of death, It would seem, tbls attitude Is often* maintained.—G. Lowes Dickinson in Atlantic. - Old Thoughts on April. Old Nikolas Breton, In those delight'' ful "fsntastlcs" (1626) of his. grew more lyrical over April than over any other month. One reads such a passage ns this with delight: "The Larke and the Lambo look up at the Sun. nud tbe labourer Is abroad by tbe dawning of the dny; Sheepes eyes ln Lambs heads* tell kind hearts strange tales, while faith and troth mnke the true Lovers knot; the aged halres find a fresh* life, nnd the youthful cheeks are as red a* a cherry. It were a world to set down the worth'of tbls monetb; but In summe. I thus conclude. I hold It the Heavens blessing, and the Earths com- fort."-London Chronicle. To Live Long. Vlrchow, the German scientist »>!* the way to live long Is to "be born with a good constitution, tnke care of It when you'nre young, always have something to do and be resigned If you find you cannot nccompllsb all yni» wish." It is easier to live long with* a poor constitution than to violate the otber conditions and reacb old age. A Bad Spell. "Poor Jncy! He never could spell, and It ruined him." "How?" "He wrote a verse to nn heiress he wns in love with, and he wrote 'bouey' for 'bonny.'" His Funny Look, "Sny, Daisy, did yer see when I tonic hold of yer hand the funny look yer mn gave mc?" "Go on, Tim, ma didn't give It to yer; you've always had It"—Life. Let no mnn think he Is loved by nny* mnu wben be loves no man.—Eplcte*- tus. THE REPORTER^ NEW MICHEL, BRITISH COLUMBIA. First Lets Wife Into Secret of His Latest Plan to Win Renown. PROCEEDS TO EXPERIMENT. Is Arrested by the Police, and Mrs. Bowser Makes a Statement After the : Excitement Is All Over—Sheds Bitter Tears Over His Failure, [Copyright,11909, by the McClure Newspaper Syndicate,] WHEN Mr. Bowser came up from tbe ofllce tbe other evening he left a package ln the vestibule Instead of carrying it Into the bouse, and) all through the dinner hour Mrs. Bowser was ln complete Ignorance that something was going to happen later on. Mr. Bowser was so good natured and 'talkative that she finally dared to ask blm for a dollar to invest ln stockings. "While he didn't stand aghast as usual, and refer1 to the poorhouse, he didn't band It over, but went on talking as if lie had not beard tbe request. Like a wise woman, she left tbe subject of the stockings until she should find a dollar In the road, and the cook remarked as they went upstairs tbat such balminess on the part of Mr. Bowser meant nothing less than that some one would be crippled before morning. Five minutes later be was saying to Mrs. Bowser: "I did think last night tbat we would take In a theater this evening, but I find that I bave something else on band." "Going to one of your clubs?" she queried. , "No." "Are you thinking of writing a poem sr a play}" "Nothing of tbe kind. What I have in my mind contains such tremendous *"SH» DBOPPED THK DISHPAN AND MAPI A BUSH FOB 11X11 BOOM." possibilities for good or evil that I almost hesitate to state the case to you." "You are not going to build a coop and buy chickens?" "There you go with your sarcasm, same as you always have! By jinks, but I wonder If there Is anotber wife like you ln America! Coop! Chickens! Do I talk and act like an idiot? Wby don't you ask me if I'm going to build a stall up ln the garret and keep a giraffe tbere?" "Forgive me, dear, but I happened to be thinking of chickens just as you ■poke. There are tremendous possibilities for good or evil ln chickens, aren't there?" "Tremendous nonsense!" snorted Mr. Bowser, and be turned in disgust and went upstairs to chew the rag. He didn't mean to come down for two hours, but he bad something on bis mind he must get off or perish, and after ten minutes be was back again. "Won't you please tell me what It Is?" asked Mrs. Bowser. "it's a scientific matter, and you wouldn't understand it Science Is all Greek to any woman." "But I'll try my hardest Perhaps I cau understand a little bit of It" Mr. Bowser looked at her to Bee if ahe was guying him, and, being satisfied by ber demure countenance uud attitude tbat she was uot, be melted and said: "Well, you know what rain Is, of course?" "Yes; I bore seen It rain several times In my life." "And you know what a drought Is?" "Yes; we had one last summer. A drought is caused by tbe absence of rain." "You know more than I thought for, but don't get giddy over it The drought we bad last summer caused tbis country a Ipsb of a hundred million dollars. A rainstorm at Intervals would bave saved all that money. If we can get rain any time we want It the farmer Is sure of big crops." "I begin to see," Bald Mrs. Bowser. "You are going to turn rainmaker. I have read of tbem ln tbe papers, but I thought they were not a success." "There Ib the whole tblng in a nutshell. Mrs. Bowser. More than a dozeu bo called savants have set out to make rain when wanted, but all hove been miserable failures. Tbey bad tbe Idea all right, but they couldn't deliver tbe goods. Tbey might as well hare tried to bring down tbe moon." His Mode of Rainmoking. I "But you-you can make It ruin?" "Not the slightest doubt of It. Just wait a minute." He wept down tbe hall and opened the front door and returned with tbe package be had left ln the vestibule. ' When the contents were exposed tbey seemed to consist of five roman candles, "The necessary powders and liquids to bring about a gathering of the clouds and produce a precipitation are contained in tbese," he explained as he bandied one of them with great reverence. The professor has been working for thirty years on the Idea, and"— "Oh, there's a professor in It, eh?" sbe Interrupted. "Well, yes. He wns hard up, and he came to me as one scientific man comes to another. He wnuted to be kept ln the background, however. I am to reap all the glory of the discovery. What are you looking at me that way for?" "Mr. Bowser, you've been worked again!" "I deny It! I deny it!" he shouted as he waved the candle around his head. "I've got the greatest Invention of the century, and you are jealous of me!" "What professor Is it?" "Never you mind," "How much did you pay him?" "That's my business." "Very well. I hare nothing more to sny. If I want a dollar for stockings"— "You con have ten, a hundred, a thousand, but for heaven's sake have a little common sense. This Is a sure thing. It's bound to bring ln millions. You can wait a day or two without Its killing you. In a week you can buy out all the stocking factories ln the United States. I am going to bring rain within two hours." "Do you think you can?" "Think! Wby. I know I can! This Is a frosty night, and there's an Incb of snow on the ground. I'll fire tbese candles Into the nlr, und you watcb the results. In half an hour the air will be balmy; In an hour the snow will be gone; in another hour we will be having nn April shower." "Buflt has always been a failure," said Mrs. Bowser even as sbe tried to look hopeful. "Yes, and why? Why? Because Bowser was not ln It, because the so called savants were fakers. Tbey might as well have Bhot Into treetops to bring down rabbits. Now, not another word from you. I hnve always succeeded and shall this time. I'll go right out and begin the performance. JUBt Bit tight aud wait for tbe April shower." Like Fourth of July. As he went downstairs and passed through the kltcbeu ou bis wuy to the back yard the cook caught sight of the candles, and wltb a yell she dropped the disbpim aud mnde a rush for her room at tbe top of the bouse, where she could jump Into bed nnd cover up ber bead. Five minutes later be was whirling a blazing torch in bis hand, and balls of Ure were shooting heavenward. By the time the last ball had ascended there seemed to he thirty men and boys in tbe alley. Mrs. Bowser was at a rear window, and ns the second candle was ready to be lighted Mr, Bowser culled to her: "It's great! It's a success! The thermometer has risen 20 degree* already!" Tbe second candle Increased tbe crowd, n portion of whlcb Invaded tbe yard, and one man bad tbe Impudence to say to Mr. Bowser: "Say, old man. what's your brand? This Is no Fourth of July." The third candle may be said to hnve closed the performance. It went off to the accompaniment of cheers and yells aud whoops, and tbut April shower was ouly a few miles away and coming like an express train wheu two policemen grabbed the savant and announced lu chorus: "Come along wltb us, you blamed lunatic!" As announced above, I was at a rear window looking on, 1 saw tbe crowd and beard the whoops. I realized that something wns bound to bnppen, but 1 wus powerless to prevent It I saw the arrival of tbe police. I saw Mr. Bowser led struggling away. 1 saw that coming April shower hnlt and turn buck. All the rest of the nlgbt I sat up waiting for Mr. Bowser's return, but he did not appear. It was only at 10 o'clock uext forenoon, after he bad been arraigned ln court and fined $10, thut he came scuffling home. "Well, did It rain where you were?" I asked, but was sorry a second later. Mr. Bowser never said a word nbout divorce or tny going bome to moi ber, but snt dowu ou the lounge and shed tears—real tears—and murmured tbnt the world was "agin" hlm. Poor mnn! MItS. BOWSEK. Per M. Quad. Purely Patriotic. Mistress (to cook)-But. Minna, you said you wouldn't have anything more to do with soldiers. Cook—Ah. ma'am, I And the love of my fatherland can't be so easily extinguished.—Meg^cndorfer Blatter, A WRONG NOTION. Every Woman Doesn't Take to Housekeeping Naturally. The notion seems to be prevalent because a woman Is a woman sbe ought to know how to keep house, Just as many think when she becomes a motber she will Instinctively know bow to care for and bring up the baby. Both are prevalent notions tbat bave done much barm. The haphazard housekeeping that rules ln many a home is often the result of tbls very belief tbat knowledge of housework will come as naturally as a duck takes to water. A girl would not undertake bookkeeping or even the most ordinary business position without having studied for It to some extent Wbat a sorry mess she would make of it If she did, and how quickly she would lose ber position! But a girl will enter blithely into matrimony without the slightest preparation for the housekeeping tbnt Is as sure a part of It in nine cases out of ten as the putting on of the wedding ring. And housekeeping Is a business, a profession, an art As compared with tbe ordinary business life it Is as calculus to short division. * If the new housekeeper be an exceptional, earnest, ambitious, conscientious girl she mny win out ln time, but tbrough mucb tribulation. If she be a girl of less fine caliber she struggles along for awhile, then gives up in despair. Housework becomes a synonym of unpleasant uncongenial work, of drudgery, and she drifts Into the haphazard, unthrifty kind that Is one of the smoothest worn roads to the divorce court though It Is not often so named In the suit. Training would bave obviated all this and ln addition put a keen Joy Into the work she bas elected to do of which the untrained bas little comprehension. When a woman thoroughly and scientifically understands housekeeping it becomes a delight It Is flrst a joy to know tbat she Is giving her loved ones a bome ln tbe truest sense of the word, bright, beautiful, sanitary, healthful; to know Bhe Is spending the family income wisely; that sbe Is getting value received for her money; that she is providing nourishing food so combined chemically at each meal as to give tbe highest food value and the utmost palatableness. In addition to tbe joy of this per. sonal science there Is the professional delight of meeting and mastering tbe problems that arise. They are Just as big as, often far more Important and farreachlng'than, the problems of the business girl's day. Tbe untrained do not know there are sucb problems, or If a big matter does come up wblch they feel they are not capable of coiling with they shirt In n dissatisfied way around the edge of It because they know not what else to do with it Not so the trained woman. Sbe grapples It and conquers It as the stenographer does a hard letter or tbe bookkeeper her trial balance. And she has the same keen joy the business womnn experiences ln performing her work well, but with tbe, added happiness of knowing tbls Is not business, but the work of making loved ones happy. AN UNCERTAIN RIVER. The Indus Has a Bad Habit of Changing Its Channel. The river Indus ln width during the year' may vary by miles. Traffic for iong distances cannot be guaranteed because tbe ever shifting channel throws up mud flats and sand banks i bere und overwhelms good laud there tin a manner wblch defeats the wis- j dom of the ancient boatmen. j With the Indus, too, It Is not merely a question of.land or water. There Is always a gamble as to the kind of land which the river will recede from. In one place It will leave magnificent soil ready at once to take a splendid crop of wheat even if the whiten rains, ns Is too often the case, amount to nothing, ln another the greater molB- tdre will only allow leguminous plants of country peas and pulses, ln tbe dampest ooze ef depressions a plant caller sbamuka Is produced, of little value save as fodder, but beautiful with Its blight green color and excellent to the sportsman as an attraction to flocks of gray and bar headed geese. Other lands again will grow nothing but long reeds and low tamarisk scrub. These, If properly placed ln the neighborhood of fields, bave their value as preserves for black partridges and bare, but for utilitarian purposes can only provide materials for hunting or at best give employment to the makers of fan bandies; but alas, there is the possibility tbat in the place of soil—good, bad or Indifferent—sand only may be thrown up, and the Indus baa a bad reputation for the amount of sand it carries. Native lore gives tbe river tbe title of "fills de Jole." THE CABBAGE CURE. Use Linen Strips In Packing. If you go off on frequent jaunts It Is a great belp to have the following articles, which witb a machine can bo made ln a few moments and after using can be laid away for future use. Bind sttjips of linen in different colors about a yard wide and three-quarters of a yard long wltb wblte linen tape or merely bem them If you prefer to save the time. In the green one. we will say, lay your linen nnd plain white waists. Fold It over and button or pin together with safety pins. In tbe blue one place your lingerie waists. In smaller ones of suitable sizes put your stocks and belts, ln another your veils, with a stiff square of cardboard to bold tbem flat. Bind squares fifteen or sixteen Inches and sew tapes to one corner for your shoes, which can be rolled up like a package diagonally, with the ends turned la and tied. Vary these colors for convenience In finding them. You can outline ln embroidery cotton." If you care to, "Ties." "Pumps." "Shoes." "Rubbers," or mere ly pin a written label on ench. The cases containing these accessories can be laid ln a drawer on your arrival. She Will Outgrow It. The hatband shown is the latest device for protecting children from too demonstrative frlcndB. It Is suggested that the little muld will outgrow ber own motto In the course of time. THE FIRST STEAMSHIPS. Screw Propellers Did Not Come lnte Use Until 1850. "We are prone to smile at the archaic prototypes of our modern steamships," writes Gustav H. Schwab In Harper's Weekly, "at their diminutive size, their clumsy build, their huge paddle boxes and tbelr single slender smoke pipe, but we do not stop to think of the few brave men of those days wbo, undaunted by tbe on- position and ridicule of most of tbelr fellows, persisted ln tbelr efforts to supplant sail by steam and who finally by sheer pluck and perseverance succeeded ln tbese efforts." The Savannah, which crossed tbe Atlantic ln 1810, was a full rigged packet sblp to wblch bad been added a small one cylinder steam engine turning two paddle wheels, wblch were eet ln motion ln smooth water wbeu the wind failed. For two-thirds of the way across tbe Savannah depended solely upon ber sails. In 1833 tbe Itoyal William made tbe passage ln twenty-five days, under steam the whole way. In 1837 the Great Western was constructed, but ber unusual length of 230 feet gave rise to many apprehensions as to her safety. The first screw steamship was built ln 1830, and eight years later the Bremen made the passage ln fifteen days. In 1862 the Scotia cut down the time from Queenstown to less than nine days. From that time on tbe record has been gradually reduced. Old Ezekiel Had Long Been Wanting a Boiled Dish. "Tbis Idea that.people thrive best ou tbe food they like best Is not as modern as you seem to think," snid the old doctor to the young doctor. "When Ezekiel Holmes was something i over 100 years old he was taken sick, j and my grandfather, one of the best physicians ln that section, was called in to see bim after the family had done their worst to make blm better. "Grandfather pronounced Mr. Holmes very 111 and told the family that the end was probably near—he might not live out the nlgbt. As soon ns tbls news spread through the neighborhood several friends called to sit up ot watch with the sufferer. Among them was a sen captain, who took tbe second watch. "A little after midnight Mr. Holmes awoke and said the doctor was starving him. The captain asked what he would like to eat " 'Corned beef and cabbage,' replied the old mnn. "The captain found some in tbe pantry—it wns a staple dish in those days -and gave hlm a generous plateful, reasoning, as he said afterward, that so long as the old man's hours were numbered be might as well bave what he wanted while he lasted. After eating heartily Mr. Holmes Bald he felt much better and went quietly to sleep. Tbe next mornlbg, wben grandfather called, he found his patient on the roud to recovery. The old man not only got well, but kept so for four or five yenrs afterward, and he always stoutly declared that bis midnight meal hnd cured him. " 'I'd been wanting a boiled dish a fortnight' be used to Bay. 'and mother wouldn't let me have It. But I worked a traverse on her and got well.'"— Youth's Companion. Pins, Queen Catherine obtained pins from France, nnd ln 1543 an act was passed "That no person shall put to sale any plnnes but only such as shall be double beaded and bave the heads soldered fast to the shank of the plnnes. well smoothed, the shank well sbapen, tbe points well round filed, cauted and sharpened." At this time most plus were made of brass, but many were also mnde of Iron, with a brass surface. France sent a large number of pins to England until about tbe year 1026. In tbls year one John Tllsby started plnmok- ing ln Gloucestershire. So successful was his venture that be soon bnd 1,500 persons working. These pins made at Stroud were held In high repute. In 1036 plnmakers combined and founded a corporation. Tbe Industry wos carried on at Bristol and Birmingham, the latter becoming tbe chief center.—London Standard. How Mardarlns Rank. Mandarins In China may be distinguished by tbe birds which decorate their uniforms as well as by tbelr buttons. Mandarins of the first rank have a bird known ns the fung embroidered on their clothes. Mandarins of the second rank hnve their robes adorned by tbe figure of a cock. Mandarins of tbe third rank have a peacock. Mandarins of the fourth rank are adorned with a pelican. Those of tbe fifth rank are easily distinguished by tbe silver pheasant, those of the sixth rank are favored by a stork, mandarins of tbe seventh rank have a partridge, mandarins of the elghtb rank quail and mandarins of the ninth rank the humble sparrow. Enforced the Rules. Museum Attendant—Yon'll plnze lave your umbreller or cane at the door, aor. Visitor-Very proper regulation. But It happens I have neither. Attendant—Then go nnd get wan. No one Is allowed to enter unless be Inves his umbreller or cane at the door. You mny rend the card for yourself, sor!— London Tit-Bits. Keeping Cakes Fresh, Cookies put In an earthen Jar Hnrd with clean cloth, while they are still hot and kept covered close, will bs much more melting and crumbly tban If they were allowed to cool ln the air. Diplomacy. "You persuaded your husband to Join a glee club?" "Yes." answered Mrs. Rlggins; "wben he starts to sing at home I can now advise him not to tire his voice, aud when be sings ln tbe club I can't hear him." A REAL ESTATE EXPERT. His Right to. the Title Not Shaken by Cross Examination. The late Mr. N. J. Bradtee was sum. moned to appear as an expert on real estate In Boston some years ago In a ! lawsuit over tbe value of certain prop- | erty. Tbe lawyer on the other side, | not knowing Mr. Bradlee, undertook t to counteract his testimony. In the cross examination the questions and answers were somewhat as follows: "What did you say your business wns. Mr. Brudlee?" began tbe lawyer. "Well, I have charge of a good many trusts, mostly real estate," Bald Mr. Bradlee. "How much real estate hava, you ever had charge of at one time?" "Well, I don't think I can say exactly." "But bow mucb sbould you guess?" "1 couldn't even guess." "Well, air, would you say it was $5,000 worth?" "I ihould put It as btgh as tbat certainly." "Would you put It as blgb a* tlO.OCKl?" "Yes." "Fifteen thousand?" "Yes." "Twenty-live thousand?" "Yes." "Fifty tbousnnd?" "Yes." "A hundred thousand?" "Yes." "Five hundred thousand?" "Yes." "A million?" "Yes." "Well, bow many millions?" roared tbe astonished lawyer, who only now began to discover tbat he bad caught a tartar. "Well." said Mr. Bradlee very coolly, "1 told you at the start I couldn't say, but since you Insist on it 1 will roughly estimate It nt say a hundred millions." "You may stand down," aaid tbe attorney, wbo waa soon nonsuited.—Argonaut "MATUSHKA VOLGA." Melody of Sorrow Heard In Prison and Palace In Russia. Tbere Is an air bo popular in Russia that It Is even more familiar tbnu their national anthem to the people of tbnt great, mysterious empire. 1 bnve heard It ln all parts of tbe czar's dominions from the Baltic sea to Bering strait and from Archangel to tbe Caspian, ln tbe glittering palaces of Petersburg and in foul prison dens of Siberia. It is a simple melody In the minor key, suggestive, like most Slav music, of sorrow and unrest, and It is called "Matushka (or Mother) Volga," as for some cryptic reason every Russian, be be. noble or nihilist. Is taught from childhood to regard this great river lu the light of n maternal relative. Yet tbe river Is full of sad associations, for convicts formerly traveled a portion of the Journey to Siberia along Its broad, sluggish stream. I can never forget tbe haunting sweetness of "Matushka Volga" as I heard It sung on a prison barge one quiet summer evening by a party of fettered politicals banished to the great lone land of exile, for "Motber Volga" was tbelr last link with home and tbe loved ones they might never meet again. Fortunately tbo condemned are now sent Into Asia hy the Transslbcrlan railway, and the unhappy exile Is spured at least one hitler partlng-thnt from Ills well beloved "Mother Volga.'' A Curious Tree. One of the natural curiosities of south Musbouuluiid is a "German sausage tree." it bears deep crimson flowers, three inches long, ln blazing bunches of twelve, but when the tree fruits luto fat. substantial, sausuge- llke pods there reran lu no leaves, and It looks like a sausage lurder Indeed. Theae beans nre twenty Inches long and twelve inches In girth nnd nre he. loved of tbe native tribe of Sbangaans nnd baboons. But tbe tribe of the Knrengn are a very superior people and would never deign to cat tbem. Tbere can be no renson for this, as at least no one can accuse these "sausages" of belug connected ln any way witb dogs or cuts.—Natal Witness. May Cure Snoring Too. "I've fouud n cure for ulghtmare," said tbe mnn who will ent despite his subsequent sufferings. "When I go to bed nt nlgbt I slip a string througb an empty spool, secure the spool flrmly so It will not slide aud then tie tbe string nround my waist in such a way thnt Ihe spool comes In the middle of my bnck. Tbe result Is thnt If I try to turn on my back In my sleep I He on the spool, nnd I can assure you It awakens me promptly. No; It Isn't pleasant to be wakened ln thnt wuy, hut It Is better (ban having to go through one of the diabolical nightmares from wblch I have suffered for several years."—New York Press. Must Keep It Dry. The teacher bad explained to a primary class the difference between solids aud liquids nud Illustrated her points by objects kept on a table. When she thought her pupils had grasped the idea she held up her watch and asked. "Now, children, must I put tbls among the solids or among the liquids';" "Among the solids, teacher," n bright Utile boy replied. "Why not uniong tbe liquids?" Bhe asked. "Because." replied the little fellow—"because If you do you will get It wet" All About Her. Winkle—See tbnt little woman In blnck over there? I'll bet there nre more men crazy nbout that woman tban nny woman lu town, ninkle— What makes you think so? Winkle- Well, she's the matron out at the insane asylum. DIMINUTIVE FARMS. Those In Portugal Hava Boon Cut Up Into Very Small Portions. The Portuguese are an extremely conservative people. Every one follows rigidly the methods employed by bis fatber and forefathers. In very many parts of the country tbe old wooden plowa are still used. Wben a man dies, Instead of one of tbe heirs taking tbe whole property and paying tbe remaining heirs for their parts, the whole property is divided Into ns many parts as tbere are heirs. More than tbls, each separate part of tbe property Is thus divided. Thus, If a property consisted of ten acres of pasture land, eighty of vineyard and ten of grain land and tbere were ten beln, eacb heir would receive one acre eacb of grain and pasture land and eight acres of vineyard. This process has been going on for a very long time, so that now lu tbe most fertile part of Portugal tbe land Is divided Into Incredibly small portions. The Immediate result of tbls, according to tbe United States consular reports. Is tbat tbe product of tbe land Is barely sufficient at best to sustain its owners. South of tbe river Tngus. on the otber hand, there nre enormous tracts of excellent land lying unused, but It hns been found Impossible to Induce the farmers of the north to move Into this region and take up large holdings. Inherited. "I entertained some friends at dinner the other night at a well known botel ln Boston," said a New Yorker, Just returned from tbe Hub. "and was served by an ebony giant on "whom lampblack would make a white mark. It Is the custom at tbat par tlcular hostelry for the waiters to write their own orders. Upon receiving my bill 1 could scarcely check the items. The spelling bore no similarity to any otber under tbe sun. "'Sam,' I said, 'this Is tbe worst spelling I ever sow,' and added facetiously, 'where did you lenrn to spell?* "Without moving s muscle Sam replied courteously, '1 reckon, boss, I must bave Inherited it from my ancestors.' "Tbe laugh being on me, Sam got ao extra tip." General Washington on Looting.' Headquarters, Sept tl. 1"70.-Tha Gen'l Is Itesotved to put a stop to Plundering or converting i'ubllck or Private Property to their own Use when taken off or found by any Soldier, he therefore alls upon all the Men to exert themselves against it, ond If the Coll. or otber Officers of Iteg'ts see cr know of any Horses, furniture. Merchandize and sucb other I'roperty In tbe bands of any Officer or Soldier nnd does not Immediately tnke bold of It. giving immediate notice of It lo their Brlga- deer Gen'l. such Officers will be deemed a Party, brought tu Court Martial & broke with Infamy. For let It ever be Itemcmbered thnt no Plundering Army wns ever n Successful oue. — From General Washington's ''ersonol Order Book In Jourual of American History. Too Public. The young lady, with ber fiance, waa nwaltlng n street cnr. After several cars bad passed and tbey could not get nbonrd tbe young man became Impatient When tbe next ear stopped at the corner he lenped upon the platform and said In pleading terms, "Come un, Mary; we can manage to squeeze in bere, can't we?" Tbe young woman colored slightly, but bravely replied, "I suppose wc enn. denr, but don't you think we bud better wait until wc get home?" The asp borrows poison from the Tl- I per.-Latln Troverb. Without a friend the world Is o vlldcrncss.-German Proverb. A Protest. Dolly-We hnd to practice Chopin for ttiree hours today, mamma. Mrs. Pnrvenoo—Itenlly. my denr, shnppln' Is all very well, but your papa sent you to the Indies' bnendem; to learn music an' tbat sort o' thing."--" London Mall. The very act of life, so far as I ha.ve been able to observe, consists In fortitude nnd perseverance. — Sir Walter Scott THE REPORTER, NEW MICHEL, BRITISH COLUMBIA. HER PICTURE CARD. It Brought About an Understanding Between the Lovers. By ANNETTE DUMOIS. [Copyright 1909, by Associated Literary | Press.] "It's kind of lonesome since pa died, but 1 can't seem to make up my mind to Ellas some way." The speaker had a worried look in her bright blue eyes as sbe dropped a ', fresh batch of doughnuts Into the fry-1 lug pun. saying. "Just six an' no more, I «ay 1, au' then they won't souk, fat" I "Your doughnuts cert'nly do come out Jest right Sophrony," said the little, dressmaker as she snapped ber thread with a twist of ber finger. "Seems as if 1 could not work hnlf so fast Blnce I got these store teeth an' can't bite off my thread any more. Silas Is forehanded an' well meanln', tbougb be ain't as handsome as some." "On. 1 don't.mind red hair myself," replied Sophrony amiably, "but"- "It's time you was gettln" settled." persisted the dressmaker. "You never was cut out for an old maid." She eyed Sophrony's comfortable curvesajvlth appreciation. "Let's see— you're thirty, come August. You was born the day our Betsy had them twin calves—dretfnl cute little critters they waa. One had a white ring around bis eye. Now, if you was little an' skimpy, like me, you'd be a proper old maid." • Her black eyes twinkled behind the gold bowed specs ss sbe contluued: "I ain't never felt the loss ot a mun yet He'd be sure to want the rocker Jest when Marcus Aurellus bad to bev it" (Marcus waa tbe spoiled Angorn.i "I calkerlute I've bed two chances, tbougb leastwise one ot 'em was au out an' outer; tbe otber was a seafarin' man,. ao I don't know. No, Sophrony. I've ate two already," declining the tempting circles, "but I might take a drop more tea. Too bad Sam Jenkins got "SOPHKO.NV, DID TOO SEND IU A I'ICTOKS OAKD?" atove up so," she said, wltb a sharp aide glauce at tbe girl. Sbe gave a satisfied nod as the rich red Darned In Sbpbrouy's cheeks. "Who'd 'a' thought tbut plow would strike dynamite In his old ten acre lot? Nobody knows bow It came tbere, neither. He was sucb a likely young feller an' dretful handsome"— "His face ain't hurt none," Interrupted* Sophrony, rattling tbe stove covers aimlessly. "They say wben be gets tbem new- tangled legs wltb Joints be'll be as good as new, bnrrln' bis tbree lingers. Lucky 'twas the left hand, say L Didn't he uster come over here a lot?" queatloued Miss I'erktns. "Yes. for quite a spell." Sopbrony turned around und allowed tbe tears to roll over ber plump cheeks without any pretense. "That's wby 1 can't make up my mind to Silas, I guess. But u woman can do nothin', an' Sam's sort of backward." "My grief. 1 should say so—when a man couldn't get up spunk to ask a girl till she's most thirty!" "He knew 1 wouldn't leave pa," excused Sophrony. "1 went over to Inquire, but Msry Jane said be wouldn't let anybody inside the bouse." "You don't say!" exclaimed the dressmaker. "I kind of mistrusted bow things wns." she sympathized, "but he's jest sensitive, that's what Likely be says to himself, '1 ain't got no right to ask any woman to tie up to a one logger.'" "I'd rather hnve Sam with one leg than nny other body with two," half sobbed Sophrony. "Oh. Miss Perkins. It docs me a Bight of good to speak out! I've Just been bottled up till II aeems ns If I should bust." "Tbere, there. Sophrony; you Jest think reel hard tbat things Is goln' to come out right, nn' they're bound to. I've been rendln' some of the new thought papers lately, an* there's a heap o' comfort In 'em. Why don'f you send him a picture enrd?" she askpd suddenly. "Mebbe I mlgbt" sold the girl doubtfully. "You Jest flend him n prltty one. an' we'll nee," sold the little dressmaker ns she put on her modified "Merry WHnw" "Some wny I feel a heap better thr.n when you enme, Miss Perkins. Everybody Bays you're tbe village comfort anyway." said Sophrony. "I wish 1 had your pompadour. You keep your hah* wonderful well." gazing admiringly nt the wavy gray hair. "Nonsense!" wltb n pleased flush, however. "The Perkinses nil have good heads o' hair. Buus in some families, 1 guess." "I know just what she'll pick out" soliloquized tbe spinster on her way home, "sometbin" wltb hearts an a pagoda with doves In it. That ain't what a man wants who's all stove up an' got (the grumps. I will! I vum!" The little dressmaker retraced ber steps to the village "emporium," wbere sbe carefully scanned the srook of cards. Finally her eye lighted on the picture of tbe "Ministering Angel." "It's Jest tbe. ticket." sbe chuckled. On a flowery couch reclined a young mnn, nnd a young woman was offering him a plate of moat impossible looking fruit wltb an air of tender solicitude. The motto read: 1 fain would soothe thy wearied hours With all a woman's powers, 'Tie woman's place to serve and watt Upon a loving mate. Miss Perkins wrote something on the card nnd firmly affixed a one cent stamp. "Tbere; I guess that'll set him to thlnkio' anyway." After tea Sophrony sat by tbe window knitting in the dusk when she saw Mary Jane going Into a nelgbbor's. "She won't get away from there for an bour. Miss Parks is an everlnstlu' talker," commented Sophrony. "I've a half mind to run over an' Inquire, just neighborly like. He might be in the sittln' room wltb Loulsy." Wltb fast beating heart tbe girl whipped her best pink shawl around her and started out Sure enough. Sam was tn tbe easy cbalr with his crutches on tbe floor beside him, and Loulsy, his twelve-year-old sister, was doing sums. Sophrony could Bee them through tbe window as she tiptoed up the gravel path. "Come In. Sophrony!" shouted the young man as he caught tbe Bound ot her voice In the hallway. "My." whispered Loulsy, "he ain't Been nobody since be was hurt!" Sophrony trembled, but said cheerily. "Hello. Sam!" In her usual fashion. As Loulsy disappeared after a pitcher ot elder In hospitable manner Sam leaned forward wltb a nervous flush on bis thin face as be asked hurriedly, "Sophrony, did you send me a picture card?" "Mebbe I did an' mebbe I didn't" answered the girl nervously, laughing and blushing. "Don't fool, Sophrony. Quit It Did yoi?" "Yes, Sam," abe replied, aobered up by his earnestness. "Did you mean ltr he demanded. Sopbrony looked bewildered. What was the motto? She could not remember. She bad just picked out .a "pretty" one. as tbe dressmaker had surmised. It wonld do no barm to say "Yes" anyway. "Did you, Sophrony?" be persisted. "Would you put up with a man wbo bas only one leg?" "indeed. I would If It 'twas you. Sam," replied Sophrony honestly. "Come over here, my girl," entreated Sam, holding out his arms longingly. All bis shyness seemed to have disappeared. Sopbrony wept and kqelt beside bis chair, and as his arms closed around her Sam said. "If It hadn't been for tbls blessed card"—he pulled It out of his breast pocket—"I'd never have bad tbe courage to ask you." Sophrony caught ber breath sharply as Bhe looked at it "Oh. Sam," then she hesitated. "I never sent that one. but" she added hastily as sbe rend the verse, "1 would bave If I'd seen It I think It's Just lovely." Sam drew the pretty, blushing fnce against bis shoulder again. "Well, It's all right, tben. But see. here are your initials down In the corner. Wbo do you suppose sent It?" "It's that blessed little dressmaker." said Sophrony, with a flash of comprehension. "Land o' Goshent I guess there'll he n weddln' In this family 'fore long— teehce," giggled Loulsy from the doorway, nlmost dropping tbe pitcher of elder In her excitement "I Just guess there will," replied Sam masterfully. THE DISPOSSESSED HEART.' FAIR Mabel bad a dainty waist, A triumph of the fashion's art; But ah, so tightly was it laced Tbere wasn't room for Mabel's heart 1 The hapless heart was ln despair. "1 must beat somewhere! 1 believe I've heard a pretty girt will wear Her heart sometimes upon her sleeve," But Mabel's sleeve clung like a skin To Mabel's softly rounded arm. The beating heart could not squeeze In. It looked about In vague alarm. "Weil, well, I must try other routes! Ot timid maids I've heard It said Often their bearts are ln thetr boots." And downward their-It quickly sped. ' "Ah, this place," said the heart "X choose!" Alas, It found no room to beat— The little patent leather shoes So snugly fitted Mabel's feet. Now, though deep fear the poor heart smote, It thought: "Sometimes a girl can't sing Because her heart Is in her throat 1 do believe that's Just the thing." To Mabel's lovely throat it stole, . But once again—poor, luckless wight— It failed to reach Its longed for goal— Her collar was so high and tight The desperate heart, despairing, stghedi "There's no place left but Mabel's hat Aha! I'm saved!" with Joy. It cried, For there was lots ot room on that! —Carolyn Wells In Saturday Evening Post She Had Waited a Long Time For the Question. "I want some cigars for my bus- band, please." "Yes, madam. What kind?" "I don't quite know, but he's a small man and always dresses in black!" Billy's Predicament. j Sister Bessie came running boms from the church bazaar in breathless ; excitement. I "Oh, mamma," She panted, "Billy i met with an accident down at the bazaar." "Dear me!" sighed the mother, ! "What mischief is be tn now? 1 declare he's a bitter pill.!' "Oh, but he won't be so bitter now. He's BU,*ar coated. He Just fell Into tbe tub of soft molasses tuffy."-St Louis Itep'iblic. | Awakened Sympathy. "When the balmy zephyrs come stealing o'er the scene." said the young men with feathery bnlr. "doesn't It nmlte you feel kinder toward humnn nature to dream of being on tbe moonlit lnke with your light guitar waking the echora.with song?" "It does." answered Mr. Slrlus Barker. "It makes me feel kinder than I did before toward the fellow thai rocks the boat."—New Orleans Times* Democrat The Crusty Bachelor. Crusty Bachelor-Yes, since I hnve been lu this hotel, surrounded by so much beauty, I have curried a rabbit's foot." Pretty Glrl-Ah. in the hope of winning some congenial partner? Crusty Bneheinr - No: to keep me from falling a vlctim.-Chlcago News, Waked Them Up. It la related of an eccentric chaplain to a foreign court tbut he became so annoyed In consequence ot bis. audience, or. rather, congregation, making a practice of going to sleep during bis sermons that he resorted to the following "awakening" expedient. In tbe midst of one of bis sermons be drew forth a hnrnionlcon from his pocket and began to play. The one or two wbo were still uwake. astonished to Bee such n performance lu a pulpit awoke tliime wbo slept, nnd pretty soon everybody was lively as well iis being filled with wonder. Tbis was the preacher's opportunity, for he at once commenced a most severe can- tlgntory discourse. In tbe course of which be snid, "When I announce to you snered and Important troths you nre not nshnmed to gn to Bleep, but whop I piny the fool you nre all eye and ear." Tho Safest Way. "You never show your age!" She blushed prettily. "Well, I'm sure." she snid, "It's kind 1 of you to say so." "Yes," resumed the older womnn, closing the family Bible. "It's been Bcrnlched out some time, hasn't It?"— Atlanta Constitution. His Structure. Frayed Frederick—Dere's n ole nay- in' dnt ev'ry guy Is de nrkerteet uv his own forehune. Tattered Theodore—Pnt's right. Py beln' ekernomlc/in' savin' I've built np n coloBlcnl pile dat looks like twenty- free cents.—Boston Transcript. No One to Run It. The agent lind dwelt eloquently nnd nt eome length upon the superior merits of the hen ter he was trying to Introduce Into the homes of Snymnnth, hut the woman nt the door hnd looked thoughtfully Into the distance, away from his compelling eyes, ns she listened. "Why." snid the ngent nt Inst, "a child could run that heater." "We hnve no children." «nld tho womnn conclusively ns she shut tbe door nnd locked It.-Yocth'a Coropan- linn Hurried It Up. "Didn't you propose to her sooner than you expected?" "Yes; but. you see, old mrtn, I didn't wnnt to exhaust nil my topics of conversation before we were married."— New York Life. Letting the Cat Out. "Sny. grnnrtmn. mnke n noise like • frog," conxed little Tommy, "Whnt for, my enn?" "Why, pnpn snys thnt when you crnnk we'll get $5,000."-Success Magazine. The Difference, Knlcker-Why the dlekena baa II token you an eternity to dress? Mn. Knlcker-And when It took yotj five ronra ti prrpce 1 •.*]&, "This la so ft)Cdtn,"-Nrw York Bun, By CLARISSA MACKIE. [Copyright. 1909, by Associated Literary Press.! Gilbert Butler whistled softly as he strode ulong tbe road tbnt bright May morning. When the white gate of the Plimpton farm gleamed In the distance be paused for a brief Instant and tbe whistle died away luto silence. "Sbe loves me. 1 know she does. It's nothing but sheer contrariness to keep me dangling along. 1 swear I'll settle this matter today or"- Gilbert paused und swallowed hard. Then bis big brown clinched fist fell to his side and be resumed his walk. The Widow Plimpton sat on tbe step of the side porch making flower wreaths—heaps of yellow eyed daisies, dark green Ivy and box, an urro- ful of purple lilies, a mass of syringe blooms and a few very early roses which the hot month bad forced into flower. "Good morning," said Gilbert Butler from tbe stone wall Widow Plimpton raised a sweet face to bis, a face framed in dusky bnlr, "IT'S ALL 810HT NOW, THKN. AIN'T IT?" HE ASKED. wltb cheeks like pink roses and golden brown eyes. "Good morning, Gilbert," she said gravely. "Going to the cemetery, 1 see," said Butler disagreeably." "Of course. It is Memorial day." "You go tbere every Sunday, too," said Gilbert quickly. Anna Plimpton crimsoned Indignantly. "Wby shouldn't 1?" sbe asked haughtily. "It's u heathenish custom. Ain't It enough that George Plimpton should hnve got killed down tbere in Cuba fighting those Spaniards and tben to be brought home and burled witb military honors, and just because you're his wldder"— "Because I am his widow 1 shall continue to express ray love and respect for bis memory by visiting bis grave as often as 1 please. You must lie very small minded. Gilbert Butler, to grudge a few flowers to a dead soldier." Ullbert reddened to his ears, and his blue eyes fln-ibed ominously. "I don't grudge the flowers. Anna." be said wltb slow deliberation, "but It seems to me If you could spare a little kindness to some folks that are alive, meaning myself, it would make more real happiness.' George, he's been deed nine yenrs. and I been coming to see you for five of 'era." Widow Plimpton rose to ber feet nnd daintily shook the broken leaves and Btems from her white gown Tben she slipped four wrentbfl over her arm and descended the mops." "I'm going up tn the graveyard now. Gilbert, will you' go with me?" she asked gently. "I can't" be snid nlmost roughly. "You're not treating me fairly. Anna. If I were dead up (here in the graveyard you'd come and put flowers on my mound, but just because I'm alive you grudge me one bit of happiness. You hnve never given me nn answer to tbat question I usked you." Anna Plimpton bit her red lip reflectively. "If you will go home nnd think the matter nwr quietly perhaps you may discover why your question may not have been answered " She went out of tbe gate and disappeared up the white path that led to the cemetery on the hill. Gilbert stared nfter her with fnscl- tinted eyes until she disappeared among the clustering cednrs; then he took ber ndvlce and went bome. All that dny he wrestled with the problem Whnt reason could there he for Anna's withholding thnt long delayed and coveted "Yes?" Was be not Industrious, of good habits, possessed of comfortable means nnd not III look. Ing? And there wnsn't another living mnn whom Anna bad fnvored wltb ber smiles, nnd yet— "By thunder!" he exclnlnied nt last. "It must he becnuse I'm bo all fired menn spirited ns to he Jealous of a dend rrnn. She's Been It right nlong nnd despised me for It" He sot there nn hnpr nnd thought deoulv. At Inst he went into the house and opened tbe doot or tne sitting room. In the square bow window luxuriating In the waning sunlight were Aunt Heppy's cat la lilies. Twelve stately ! plants they were, and each one bore (two snowy blossoms, twenty-four in jail. Aunt Heppy bad nursed them tenderly all winter, and uow—they were | rewarding ber care. | Deliberately hs drew out bis knife ! and cut tbe lilies from the plants. As I he turned away with bis arms full of the long stemmed beauties the doqr opened and .Aunt Heppy's horrified eyes fastened upon bim.' "Gilbert Baker, are you crazy?" she shrieked "1 guess I nm." snid Gllhert dryly as he reached Into his pocket and drew forth u five dollar bill. "I've got to have these, Aunt Heppy. You take this mupey—the sewing society's seen tbe lilies anyway—you won't miss em." He wns gone, and Aunt Heppy sank Into n cbnlr nnd looked dnzediy from the five dollar bill over to tbe denuded plants In the window. "For the Innd's sake! The boy's crazy!" she ejaculated nt ln»t, tucking the money nway In her pocket Just ns the red sun dipped behind the high cemetery hill Gilbert Bnker tolled wearily up the wblte path. In his arms be beld a rude wooden cross, to which he had clumsily tied the calla lilies. Some of tbe snowy bloom was marred by his awkward fingers, but bis patient labor hnd not been In ruin, fnr at a little distance tbe white cross shone a lovely symbol. Tbe cemetery was deserted. Over In tbe Plimpton plot he saw a glimpse of purple flowers and slowly made his wav Into the space Inclosed In a hedge of arbor vltae. On the low grassy mound were laid Anna's offerings—wreaths of daisies and box. syrlnga and ivy. purple lilies and evergreen. A little flag was stuck In nn iron standard at the head of the young soldier's grave. . Gilbert solemnly laid his cross on the other emblems. "I made a cross he- cause be wub Episcopal," he muttered softly. ' When he straightened up bis startled eyes looked straight into the soft brown ones of Anna Plimpton. "I—1 didn't know you were bere. I thought everybody was gone," he said awkwardly, fingering his hat "I enme hack to look ot It again," she said softly. "Whnt a beautiful cross! Did you make it Gilbert?" He nodded curtly. "I took your advice. Anna, and thought things over, nnd 1 guess the reason you won't give me an answer Is because I'm such a low down. Jeolous minded foql. I didn't feel quite so mean after that, nnd I wanted to show him"— He ges tured toward the grave, Anna enme nnd stood beside him. "I hnve been sorry, you felt thnt wny nbout him." she said ln a queer little voice, "hut that ia not the rennon why I hnve never answered your question, Gilbert" "Wbat Is the reason, tben?" be demanded. ' \\ ( "Because—because you have never asked me any question thnt I could answer. Gllhert." she half sobbed. "You hnve beaten around and around the hush and"- She hid her face against his rough coat sleeves. "Why-why. It's all rirrbt now. then, ain't it?" he naked hazardly as bis arm encircled ber waist "Yes." "I hope he don't mind," aaid Gilbert after a little while. "I'm sure he doesn't" replied Anna sweetly as they passed out of tbe little gate. And even then Gilbert Butler did not realize that he bad not nsked tbe proper question. FOR THEJUNGftLOW. The Furnishings Should Be Sim' pie, Artistic and Inexpensive. COLOR SCHEME IMPORTANT. Thinking of Her. In the "Ilecollectlons of n New England Town" Is tbe story ot Mr. Bush, on Inventor nnd a very studious man. wbo sometimes became so absorbed In thought us tn forget botb place and i people. Hla wife waa a notable house- I keeper, bnt she did not always go to I church. One Sunday she accompanied ■ her busband thither, and glad and ! proud wos he. But wben the service j was over he walked away home, leav- I Ing her behind. Mrs. Brush was ! grieved. "My dear." sbe snid when sbe reached the house, "I don't know what people will think. You came away without mc. It was plain to be seen that I I was entirely forgotten." Mr. Bush looked at ber ln comical dismay. "Forgotten, my denr?" said he. "Oh. no. 1 don't think that's possible. Why," a brilliant Idea striking hlm, "now I remember. 1 was thinking of you nil tbe way hotqe. 1 was thinking what u good dinner you'd give me!" Brillat-Sovorin'i Sleepy Sitters. Brlilut-Siiviirln. the French writer, hnd two spinster sisters, wbo found ns mucb pleasure In sleeping as the author of the "Physlologle duGout" found In eating. They lived In the country nnd were In the bnblt of passing ten months of the year In their beds, lenvlng them only to prepare for the annual visit of their brother, who Invariably arrived on Oct 1. He remained with tbem until the ,end of November, when they bade blm fure- | well wltb tbe words. "Goodby till next year. Anthleme: we nre going back to bed." This somnolent regime agreed with them ndmlrnbly. for they both lived to a great age, one of them. Pierrette, attaining her hundredth year. I Pierrette's end. according to her broth- j cr's biographer, was worthy of her ! life. She was sitting up In bed entlng ! her dinner nnd. not being served I quickly enough, screamed, somewhat angrily, "Bring the dessert." When the servant brought it she found her mistress dead. In Floor Coverings an Arts and Craft* Square Is Very Satisfactory For Living or Dining Rooms—Mission Chair* and Demin Hangings Effective. For furnishing a bungalow there is plenty of simple, inexpensive furniture available, and It' only requires a little thougbt on the part of the owner to< make her rooms comfortable and cozy. Next to simplicity of design, harmony* of color is the most Important consideration. In a llvinoj room bung with Japanese grass cloth ln a light green shade or tinted a soft brownish gray the cushions of the armchairs and window seat should be ot dark green or some otber equally good contrasting: jS- .H.--T*r ■ 1 §11 i% 1.1 HAND WOVEN BOO, color, and the rugs upon the floor should be of corresponding tones, but light, fudable tints sbould never he* employed lo conjunction wltb sucb a wall treatment. Tbe Illustration shows a charmingly furnished living room. The walls are- hung ln dark green grass cloth, and tbe woodwork ia stained white. The fireplace at one side ot the room is- constructed of red brick laid tn white mortar, and the narrow mantel shovels stained to match the woodwork. Simple white muslin curtains shade the long, narrow wlndowB, wliich open outward, and a few prints and a small mirror adorn the walls. The couch and chairs ot polished hard wood, wltb rattan backs and seats, are fitted with cushions covered witb denim in tones that* harmonize wltb the wall hangings. An arts and crafts desk and stool, painted white, stand ln one corner, and four small tables serve as receptacles for magazines and various* knlckknacks. A large rug in shades of green and red is placed before the fireplace and adds a note of brightness to a very pretty whole. In the choice of floor coverings for the bungalow tbere is a varied supply" to choose from. For tbe living room a A COHFOUTABLT FU1IN1SUED LIVING IIOOU. large art square of wool and cotton weave Is very suitable. It comes liir various shades and can be purchased** for $15. It will last four or five seasons, An arts and crafts art square la- very satisfactory for either the living- room or dining room and can be purchased at any handcraft sbop for $'.'(>. It can be made to order tn any shade- and design desired nnd will wear longer thnn the majority of floor coverings; and always look well. Then there Is a large brown wool rug which comes with a border of brown and yellow and whlcb Is admirably suited for a room wbere the mission type of furniture is employed. as Is a Scotch rug, a woolen product, finished alike on botb sides, whlcb comes In various sizes, the 0 by 12 size costing $30. Picture Pad. A stationery tiovelty whlcb la calnr- lnted to make the modern youngster enjoy his writing exerclBe is an unusual writing pad. Tbe novelty Hcb Ii> the cover, wliich Ib decorated wllb six different decalcomanin pictures. Tbese are intended to be cut out wben tin. tnblet is cxbnusted and transferred tn cardboard or boxes by the process whicb every child Is familiar with. There are several different sets of pictures used on the pads. Ope group consists of Indian heads; another thows a menngerle and »»* -whei • spirited circus. THE REPORTER, NEW MICHEL, BRITISH COLUMBIA. A Labor-Saving Device Joseph H. Choate, at a recent banquet in New York, praised Attorney- General Wickersham. "When this able man fights," he said, feathers will fly. But he won't fight until he has a grievance. There will be nothing spectacular, nothing burlesque, about his battles." Mr. Choate smiled. "No," he snid, "we shall see nothing o! Broncho Bill in Attorney-General AVickersham. Broncho Bill, you know, hnd only one eye. " 'Lose it?' Bill thundered. 'Did you sny 'lose it?' " 'Why—er~yeB,' laltered the tenderfoot. " 'Lose it he hnnged,' snid Bill ferociously. 'I cut it out so's I wouldn't •alius he havin' to shut it in drawin' a "bend.* " j. H .ivory housekeeper would use Wil- •son's Fly Pads freely during the Summer months the house fly peril would -soon be a thing of the past. Teacher—Johnnie, do you know what, a blotter is? Johnnie—Yessum. It's de t'ing wot -youse hunts fer while de ink gets dry —Chicago Daily News. "Minard's Liniment Cures Diphtheria. The thin, nnle mnn sighed. "Wh"." nsked his friend, ""re vou so sad?" "Alas!" he answered, "th" sen is the prnvo of my first 'fife." Th" friend's lips curled superciliously. "But you eve mnrrind again." b" murmured "Yes," sn'd the thin, nnle one, "aid my second wife won't go near the water." An Oil Without Alcohol.—Some oils and mnny medicines hnve alcohol ns o prominent ingredient. A judicious mingling of six essential oils compose 'the famous Dr. Thomas' Ecloctric Oil. nnd there is no nlcohol in it, ho that its effects nre lnstine. There is no medicinal oil compounded tbnt can equal this oil in its preventive and healing power. Expert Diagnosis A student at a medical college wns under examination. The instructor asked him: "Of wru*t cause, specifically did the peonle die who lost their lives nt the destruction of Herculan- eum and Pompeii?" "I think they died of an eruption, sir," answered the student. !! Cool, Delicious and Refreshing "SALADA TEA Iced, with a dash of lemon In it. AT ALL GROCERS. . LAMBN Bone, Isr trouble can nt,C an be tide Bone or i stopped wltb ABSORBINE Fall dlre-ElIons In psmphlst with ikeh —■- -—fli bottlestdulmordellverol. 1 jM AilSOKBlSli.TR., for mended, II W\\ ■bottle, removes Pllnfal Swelling, Jtn- ^nW leried QUads. Goitre. Wees, Bralsts, Vart ease VOIDS, Verieosltlos, Old Bores, Alio* ■ Pile. W. F. IMM, MA. in lead! It., StrlejM, Mm. Vnust US., Beatreel, CauSlea ls.sU. tlss hralBhH II Msrlle hie I Wrist Is., WMns; Ins NsHsstl ami 1 Ctw»csl St.. Mm led Cstjilf; est HudirsN Ires. Ce. ttd.. VlMeevtr. THE LATEST CREATION FOR SUMMER WEAR. ALL THE COMFORTS OF A TURN DOWN EFFEOT. "Anchor" Brand "Weitmount" a lor 21c. •Iron Frame" Brand "Almonte" Iterate. •OLD BY LEADINQ FURNISHERS. MAOSBV TOOK! BROS LlMITIO. MONTRIAL. \\ MAmjFACTUncas OS •H1RT8. COLLARS, NECKWEAR AND IMPORTERS OF MEN'S FURNISHINGS. It CHINESE DWARFS. Humans Who Seem Lower Iii tha Scale Than African Baboons. Pygmy human beings who live like animals and seem lower in the scale than African baboons were discovered in the mountain solitudes of Northern Chins by Dr. W. E. Geil, an American explorer, and writer, who has just returned to this country. The discovery was made in the course of a caravan journey along the entire extent of the Great Wall of China,, 1,800 miles, and it confirmed the legend that far in the interior dwelt a race of hairy dwarfs—the kind df beings described by Marco Polo and Baron Munchausen with damage to their reputations foT veracity. But the dwarfs exist, and ancient inscriptions on the Great Wall, deciphered for Dr. Geil by Chinese scholars, profess to explain their origin. Back in 210 B.C. the Emperor Chin decided that his country needed protection from the fierce Tartar tribes on the west and north, and he ordered the building of a horse shoe shaped barrier thousands of miles in length to inclose the empire irom sea to sea.. A work more1 monumental than the erection ol all I the Egyptians pyramids and temples was begun. Millions of Chinese toiled at the Great Wall, cutting and laying granite blocks for the first courses and making brick for the superstructure. The towers were built first, and they served as military blockhouses While the connecting walls were put up. Kept at their job by strict compulsion, the millions of laborers were inspired by the fear of an unusual penalty for error or rebellion. The work-1 man who made a mistake or listened to agitators was promptly incorporated in the wall as ao much building, material. Burying alive proved to bej good discipline with a majority of the laborers, obviating strikes and' discontent, but some of them rani nway to the remote forests on the Tibetan border. They took their wivesj and children with them. So affected! were they by their terrible experience that some of them went crazy, and, the rest hod such a hard fight for existence that they deteriorated physiJ cully, transmitting dwarfishness to1 their present day descendants. Tho Chinese legend to this effect may-not be entirely astray, since it is likely that deserters from the army of labor, fled to the forests and that the hardships of a wild, isolated life should: have had effect on them after many] generations. The dwarfs have long1 nails, terrible faces and resemble* ■apes. Dr. Geil believes that the Great Wall has never been entirely explored in modern times previous W his expedition last year. He found a i stretch of 200 miles that had not been ; mapped. At places the Great Wall j climbed to a height of two miles above sea level. There were evidences of monumental barriers antedating Emepror Chin's celebrated inclosure. . The Dwelling of the Void. There is still enough unexplored land in the world to make a new continent if lumped together. For instance, within ten days' journey from London by modern express routes there is a tract of country the size of Germany, France and Holland combined and as unknown as the Mountains of the Moon. It occupies nearly the whole of central southerns Arabia. This pleasing district is known as the Dahkna, or the "Dwelling of the Void," and consists of what Lord Salisbury once politely referred to as "chiefly light soil" when he was speaking of the French possessions in Africa. It is a mighty waste of sand, with not a single river—so far as can be judged—in more than 400,000 square miles. Compared with this country the Sahara is a pleasant and fruitful tract. It defies even the Arab aud the camel—Westminster Gazette. Belaying Hia Jaws. Shark stories, with some reason, are commonly roceived with incredulity. A well authenticated anecdote, how- ever, is told of Dr. Frederic Hill, un English surgeon of distinction. A man fell overboard in the Indian Ocean and almost into a shark's mouth. Hill, who was standing close to the rail, grabbed a belaying pin and without hesitation jumped to Bave the sailor. The great brute was just turning on his back to bite when. Hill drove the belaying pin right through both jaws. Both men were got on board again unharmed. "Perhaps that fellow won't want another toothpick. Has any one got a clean shirt to lend? This wus my lost," were the only words ol the rescuer. The Pig In Water. Of pigs it is commonly reported that bo queerly fashioned are they that if they uttempt to swim they cut their throats with their fore feet, but this is only an old wile's fable. Whether wild or tame, they are all good swimmers, though, owing to the shortnesa ol their legs, they just. touch their throats with their lore feet and beat the water very high,. Many ol the islands ol the southern seas are now inhabited by wild pigs, which are the descendants of those which have swum ashore, sometimes great distances, from wrecked vessels. Tho First Kindergarten. The first kindergarten was opened by Froebel in 1837 at Brandenburg, Germany, and fifteen years after-' ward he died. This short period was sufficient to establish a system of education that has made life different lor little children. When the' King of PrusBia in 1851 forbade the establishment of kindergartens the old man died ol a broken heart, not1 dreaming that his life work had been a noble success. If You Rid Poisons FROM TNE BLOOD By awakening tho liver and kidneys, you will be freed of pains, aches and the tired spring feeling. Poisons only accumulate in the blood. Pain and aches have the same cause. Poisons only accumulate in the blood when the liver and kidneys get torpid ond slow in action ond when, as a result, the bowels become constipated. Get the liver and kidneys working right and away go the poisons. That is their work, to rid the.blood of poisons. When- they fail because of the excessive accumulation of pqisons in the spring, use Dr. Chase's Kidney-Liver Pills and they will soon resume their natural functions with renewed energy and vigor. No other otgans of the body can tiiter the poisons from the blood, so you must get the liver and kidneys active if you are going to restore healthful digestion, regular bowel action arid free the body of pains, aches and feelings of fatigue and depressing. It is only natural that the liver and kidneys should give out in the spring when the blood is usually loaded with impurities, but you can quickly and certainly set them right by using Dr. Chase's Kidney-Liver Pills. This is the greatest nf spring medicines, because it is unique in its direct and combined action on the liver and kidneys. Put it to the test this spring and you will be astonished at its wonderfully prompt and thorough action on -the digestive ana excretory systems. You can be certain that it will move the bowels, awaken the action of the liver and kidneys and completely purify the blood. One pill a dose, 25 cts. a box, at all dealers or Edmanson, Bates & Co., Toronto. What He Remembered "An' ye fell from a window, Jerry? How far wuz it ye fell?" "Tin stories." "Well, well! That was a great fall. And what did you think on your way down?" "Begorry, I didn't think of nothin' until I passed th' lift' shtory. Thin I renumbered I left me pipe* on the window sill." Wise mothers who know the virtues of Mother Graves' Worm Exterminator always have it at hand, because it proves its value. I Turn About "Some people," grumbled Groucher, "make me sick." ■ "I should think nearly everybody would make you sick," replied Digps. "Indeed? Why?" "Reciprocity, you know."—The Catholic Standard and Times. Minard's Liniment Cures Garget in Cows. The Acorn. Take a large acorn, suspend it by a< thread so aa to nearly touch the water in any glass vesacl, set it upon your mantelshelf, bracket or table and let it stand thore for about two months without in any way interfering with it excepting to supply fresh water. Tho acorn will burst, throw a root down into the water nnd a stem upward, sending out from the stem beautiful green leaves. Teacher—I wonder what your mother would say if she knew how backward you are in geography? Girl—Oil, my mother snys she never learnt jogfry and she's married; and Aunt Sally snys she never learnt jog- fry and she's married; and you did and you ain't.—Punch. Try Murine Eye Remedy For Bed, Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes, Granulation, Pink Eye nnd Eye Strain. Murine Doesn't Smart; Soothes Eye Pain. Is Compounded by Experienced Physicians; Contains no Injurious or Prohibited Drugs. Try Murine for Your Eye Troubles. You Will Like Murine. Try it in Baby's Eyes for Scaly Eyelids. Druggists Sell Murine nt 50c. Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago, Will Send You Interesting Eye Books Free. Trnte Pnrent—Am I to understand there is some idiotic affair between you nnd thnt impecunious young ass, Lord Bilaris? Fair Daughter (very sweetly)—Only you, papa!—Illustrated Bits,. The transition from winter's cold to summer's heat frequently puts a strnin upon the system that produces internal complications, always painful nnd often serious. A common form of disorder is dysentery, to which many arc prone in the spring and summer The very best medicine to use in sub duing this painful nilment is Dr. J. D Kellogg's Dysentery Cordial. It is a standard remedy, sold everywhere. "I want to get this cheque cashed," said the fair young matron, appearing nt the window of the paying teller. "Yes, mndnm. You must endorse it, though, explained the teller. "Why, my husband sent it to me. He iR away on business/' she said. "Yes. madam. Just endorse it—sign it on the bnck so we will know and your husband will know we paid it to you." She went, to the desk against the wall and in n few moments presented the chcoue triumphantly, having written on its back: "Your loving wile, Edith."-Chicago Evening Post. -"DODD'S '/ KIDNEY v PILLS ^ UibNE.;U 'GHT'S 0'S~> W. N. U., No. 751 CHINA'S HOLY DUKE. Greatest Aristocrat In the Celestial Empire. The father of the infant Emperor of China, who is acting as Regent during his son's minority, is doing much.to abolish the distinctions between the Manchus and the Chinese. Until now the Manchus, that is to Bay, the conquering race, to which the reigning dynasty belongs', have enjoyed all sorts, ot special privileges before the law, now all will be treated alike. Should the regent carry into effect his intention of betrothing his son, the three-year-old emperor, to a maiden of pure Chinese blood, probably either a daughter or granddaughter of China's "Holy Duke," instead of to one of the Man- chu prinqesses from whom the monarch's consorts have until now been chosen, he will have made a long step toward reconciling the bulk of the Chinese people to the reigning dynasty and toward obliterating the antagonism that exists between the Chinese nnd the Manchus. The Holy Duke is fully alive to the advantages of reform. A man about fifty years of age, and seventy- sixth in unbroken descent in the male line from Confucius, he may be regarded as the most Hue blooded nobie in the, world, the more so as he is- still in possession. of the landed property which' belonged to the illustrious founder of his house more than/three thousand years ago; that ib to sny, some twelve centuries before the birth of Christ. The property is situated in the province of Shantung, and it comprises the tomb of Confucius at Kyfu and his rest dence. The duke is very rich, since each generation of emperors, Chinese as well as Manchu, has lavished gifts unon the "Holy Duke" of its day. This one's name is Kung Lingi, that is to say, Duke Lingi, arid his official designation is Sheng Kung, which means "Holy Duke." He is a tall, heavy faced Chinaman, of somewhat massive build, with n rather majestic presence and a good humored face, the mouth inclined to laughter and in keeping with the shrewd cheery eyes. Though regarded as a saint, he is a very jovial saint, and extremely fond of all the good things of life. Every now and again he visits Pekin, where he is received with imposing honors, nnd on these occasions he does not disdain to travel by rail. STORIES OF THE KAISER. Little Tales Which Are Enjoyed by His Subjects. William II. of Germany has many acts of kindness to the poor to his credit. One day at the palace of Potsdam he noticed that one of the sentries seemed very melancholy. With much hwitation the man told his story, hov» he had been on the point of getting married when he lost all his money and now hardly hoped ever to realize his dreams. The emperor, after inquiry had proved that the man was speaking the truth, gave him a generous present for the expenses ol hiB wedding, promoted him corporal and found a place for his wife in the service of the empress. A poor sewing woman at Cologne, finding it impossible any longer to earn her living with a worn out old sewing machine, appealed to the emperor for assistance. A week later a new machine with all the latest improvements reached her Irom her sovereign. When the kaiser told Prince von Buelow he»was to be chancellor it was evident from Buelow's face that something about the appointment did not nlogethet. please bim. The emperor pressed him to tell what it was, ahd Von Buelow reluctantly explained that greatly as his wife- would rejoice in finding her husband appointed chancellor, she detested the palace of the chancel- lerie, as she was a great housewife and he waa sure that the thought of the two or three months that would be needed to clean the immense palace to the pitch she would want to would terrify her. "Don't let that bother you, my dear Von Buelow. Present my compliments to the princess and tell her that it will be a great pleasure to me to contribute to making that job leBS difficult to her." It was not a regiment ol soldiers .detailed for house cleaning purposes that came to the princess, only a small parcel, which on being opened was found to contain a hundred pieces of soap. Love's Young Dream. The Stern Parent-And if you marry this young Littlecash where do you propose to live? The Girl—Why, George says we are goingfto live at tho same hotel where he lives now. The Parent—Don't you know it costs a great deal to live at a hotel? The Girl—Why, no, papa; it won't cost any more. George says that if you know how to order one portion is ample for two persons. I really won't be the least bit of a burden on George, papa. That Is the Difference. "Now, then, boys, if you had to address u large box ol tea on the one hand and a schoolmaster on the other, what would be the difference in your form of salutation? Of course you will reply 'We don't know.' Well, we will tell you. A large box ol tea you would address as 'thou teachest,' and a schoolmaster you would salute with 'thou that teachest." Thia is the difference, you see."—London Scraps. The Remedy. The Grand Duke of Mecklenburg was one day gambling ut the Dobcr an tables and wus betting on tho same numbers as a rich master potter who stood noxtito him. Both having lost their money, the grand duke inquired, "Well, potter, what shall we do now?" "Oh," replied the maBtcr potter, "your highness will screw up the taxes, and I,shall make pots." A FAITHFUL PORTER. He Tried to Follow Orders as He Understood Thorn. The major dropped into his club in London one night with three pieces of courtplaster on his nose and an eye in half mourning and was vainly importuned to divulge the cause. He declined all confidences, but one friend, to whom, in a weak moment, he related the circumstances under which he had received his scars, told all about it after the major's departure. It appears that he was stopping at an out-of-tbwn hotel where a brawny farmer's son had been engaged with no experience in hotel work, but with a frame capable of caring for his master's property during the small hours and with a profound sense of duty as well. The weather | was cold, and the major asked the landlord to have a fire made in his room at 6.30 the next morning. As is customary, a slate was hung in the hallway containing directio* for the night porter regarding the time guests were to be called to catch early trains, etc., so the landlord wrote upon the slate: "Fire 40 at 6.30." Next morning the major was awakened by a loud knock at his door. He shouted "Come in," for it was 6.30, and the porter entered. "You're to git out," he Baid briefly. "What do you mean?" asked the major testily. "I'll show ypu phwhat I mane," remarked Pat, "if you don't git mighty quick. I've orders to fire you out at 6.30, and out ye go." "What kind ol a fool are you anyway?" shouted the major, sitting up in bed. "I am all kinds," responded the porter, i "bjjt I obey orders juBt the same, and out you go." Suiting the action to his words, he grabbed .the major by the neck and hauled hlm out into the middle of the room. "Now drisB yourself," said Pat, "and driBs quick or Oi'U throw you out as ye are." The major began to storm and used language not to be repeated, whereupon the exasperated and honest porter sprang upon his victim and shot him into the hall like a bundle of raga. The major's clothes, traveling bags, rugs, etc., followed. "Now," said Pal, "if ye don't driss in foivo minuteS out ye go in the strate as ye were born!" And out the major would have gone, but the landlord, disturbed by the noise, came and rescued him from his formidable persecutor. And that was the result of Pat's interpretation of "Fire 40 at 6.30." HOW WEAK GIRLS MAY GROW INTO STRONG WOMEN The Blood Supply Must be Kept Rick, Red and Pure—Good Blood Means Good Health, Healthy girlhood is thi only path to healthy womanhood. The merging ol girlhood into womanhood lays a new tax upon the blood. It iB the overtaxing of the scanty blood sunply that mokes growing girls Buffer from all those headaches, backache/ and sideaches—all that paleness, weakness nnd weariness—all that languor, despondency and constant ill hea!'.n. Unhealthy girlhood is bound to lead to unhealthy womanhoou and a life of miserv. Nothing but the blood- building qualities ot Dr. Williams' Pink Pills con save "n girl when she undertakes the trials and tasks ol womanhood. That is the time when nature makes new demands upon the blood supply. Dr. Williams' Pink Pills actually make new, rich blood which meets tboBe new demands with ease. In this simnle scientific way Dr. Williims' Pink Pills fill a cirl with overflowing health and strength. Miss Eva Dennis, Amherst. N78., says:—"Dr. Williams' Pink Pills have done me n world of good. I was com. **letoly run down, wns very pale, easily tired and suffered from frequent severe hendaches. Though I tried mnnv medicines I got nothing to do me the inn«t good until I began using fir. Willioma' Pink Pills. Even the first box of these seemed to help me, "nd alter taking a half dozen boxes I was again a strong healthy girl. I have not had any illness since, but shonld I atom feel run down Dr. WillinmB' Pink Pills will be my only medicine, and I strongly recommend them to every weak and ailing girl." Dr. Williams' Pink Pills are sold bv all medicine dealers or sent by mail at 5" cents It bnr or Bix hoxe«, for'$t?.50 by The Dr. Williams' Medicine Co., Brockville, Ont. A Puzzling Fly. "A funny thing occurred here one day," said a barber as he was putting the finishing touches on a hair cut. "A fellow came in to be shaved who was somewhat under the influence of intoxicants. He took his place in the chair, and all proceeded well till I had shaved one side of his face, when he stopped me. " 'Hold on-' he eried. 'I want this thing splained.' "I asked him what was the matter, and he replied: 'There's a fly on my cheek, and you have shaved the lather and whiskers off, but the fly didn't move. "Now, what's the mazzer with him?' "p told him there was no fly on him, but he pointed to the mirror and said; 'You think I can't see him. I ain't so drunk that I can't see a fly.' "I turned to the glass, and there stood the fly on the mirror nnd in such a position that Irom my customer's range of vision, it seemed to be on his cheek. He afterward said that he had felt that fly tickling him all the time and wondered how I could shave underneath it and not cut its legs off." Fish That Cannot Swim. More thnn one species of fish that cannot swim are known to naturalists. Perhops the moBt singular of these is the maltha, a Brazilian fish, whose organs of locomotion only enable it to crawl or walk or hop. The anterior (pectoral) fins of the maltha, which are quite small, are not capable of acting on the water, but can only move backward and forward, having truly the form of thin puwa. Both these and the ventral and anal fins are very different from the similar fins in other fishes and could not serve for swimming at all. Other examples ot nonswimming fishes include the sea horse, another moBt peculiarly- shaped inhabitant ol tho sea, and the starfish, Another Kind of Sauce Lawyer—When you served the prisoner, did bo eat his dinner with gusto? Hotel Waiter—No. sir; he ate it with Worcester sauce. Wire Wounds. My mare, a very valuable one, was bffdly bruised and cut by being caught in n wire fence. Some of the wounds would not heal, although I tried many different medicines. Dr. Bell advised me to use MINARD'S LINIMENT, diluted at flrst, then stronger as the sores began to look better, until alter tbree weeks, the sores have healed and best of nil the hair is growing well, and is NOT WHITE as is most always the case in horse wounds. ' F. M. DOUCET. Weymouth. Dtiripg a trial in a county court it became necessary that the exact position of a staircase in a large flour mill should be explained to the jury. Mike O'Connor, the curolaker of the building, was called. "You hnve been employed in these mills," said the solicitor, "for twenty years, nnd, of course, you know exactly how the main staircase runs?" "Oi do, sor," replied Mike confidently. "Then," continued the solicitor, "I wish you would tell the gentlemen of the jury how theBe stairs run." "Gintlemen av the jury," said Mike, turning with an oratorical air to the jury-box. "Ye see it's loike this wid thim stairs in thini mills. This is how they run—When ye are down he- low thim stairs they run un, and when ye are, up they run do*n I Gerlie—My brother is just awful; he can't keep a halfpenny. Bertie—He's .been keeping ten bob of mine n long time now, anyway. Staterooms and Portholes. An experienced truveler warns tho uninitiated against paying Irom $5 to $20 extra for an outside stateroom on ocean liners. The inside rooms she has found to be perfectly comfortable and perfectly ventilated, and the portholes ill the outside ones Bhe considers n doubtful advantage. "They are kept locked," she Bays, "fhost ol , the time unless the weather is very j pleasant, and even in calm weather I they sometimes ship a deluge ol Bait water. Dirty water, too, swept Irom a deck above by the cleaners, may pour inlo a porthole of a room below, nnd the noise Irom the deck is annoying." Why, then should one pay extru for a porthole?" Considerate. Young Writer (to editor of newly, established journal)—II you find this little story available for your columns I don't ask any pay for it beyond a life subscription to your paper. Editor—Hut, great goodness, young man. you may live for fifty years! Young Writer-»-Oh, I don't mean during my life—during the life ol your paper, you know I—London Tit- Bits. Signs of Storms. As stormy weather comes on, sen- birds Hy inland in search ol focd; wild (owl leave the marshy grounds lor higher localities; swallows and rooks fly low before and during bad weather; frogs nre unusually noisy before rain; sheep huddle together ueur bushes and trees. Frank J. CHENsr mokes oath that he a senior Bsrtm-r ol the arm of F. J. CHtNtv 4 Co.. dome Dullness In the City of Toledo, countr and But* sti.re.jnl, snd that said firm will par the sum ol ONE nl.'.'.'nru:ii DOLLAIts tor each and every .... ot Catahhm (list cannot ba cured by tha use of Hall's CATAhHlt (.'use. FRANK J. CHENF.Y. Sworn to before me and subscribed In my presence, this tu. day ot December, A. P.. 1811. A. W. OLEASON, ^M Moran Public. Hall's catarrh Curs h taken Inumelly ind arts dlreet:v upo:i the biood and mucous surlaoas ol V nret.ni send lor teallmonlala. tree. F. 1. CHENEY 4 CO.. Toledo, .. Sold by nil DniKlsls. *•**. Take Ua..i Family I'lue lor c < ISA "So you don't care for bnlhing?" "Ton much ol a crush, don't you know." "Weil, it would he nice if we could have individual oceans."— Louisville Courier-Journal. When Holloway's Corn Cure is applied to a corn or wart it kills the roots and the callosity comes out without injury to the flesh. "Every rainstorm," complained the youthful pessimist, "means a postponed game." "And every postponed game," pointed out tiie juvenile optimist, "means a double-header."—Kansas City Journal. Practically all Canadian druggists grocers and general dealers sell Wilson's Fly Pads. II your storekeeper does not. nsk him wby. Teacher—1» It proper to sny, "I am goin'* to the hull game?" Johnny—No, ma'am. Tenoher—Why not? Johnny—Because I ain't got the price. Mlnard's Liniment Cures Colds, etc. "And yet you cnl! this a perfectly hon"sl game?" queried the girl in white, risking just one more question. "Sure." replied her escort, keening his eye on the sphere putter. "Well, then," she asked innocently, "couldn't they arrest Hint mnn. if they wanted 'o. for stealing second?"—Boston Herald. ~THE MICHEL REPORTER NEW MICHEL, B. C. 3-tonu a. JfljiKls, - manaqwu-eiyitor Issued every Saturday, from office of Publication, Northern Ave; New^Mlphel. ' STJBSCBIPTION TWO DOLLARS A YEAJJt IN' ADVANCE" " ADVERTISING KATE8 ON APPLICATION THE REPOl^g, NEW flICHEL, gRITISfj COI.|J|iB|4. One Cent a Word Advertisements «ueh u ?aj Sale, To Let, Lost Poano Wanted etc., Inserted at tbe uniform rate oi One Cent a Word Bach Insertion MAN KILLED Rock Fell and Crushed Him No. 4 mine, main slope, wag the scene of an accident this morning. Mike t'ovic',' a Slav, was pinned down by a fall of rock, Wd Tom Ha'iiip- ton went to his assistance. Another fall of rock lolled Povic, and Hampton had or*e of hiB arms broken and was badly bruised. He is in thp hospital. In and Around Town A Socialist convention will lie held in Fernie. Geo. Somerton, ot Frank, Bjent Sunday here. JT. Pearie of Corbln was st the Jfoot anay on Wednesday. H. H. Depew, of Fernie wm here on Wednesday, A. C. Cumruings, of Fernie, fas here on Tuesday, Frank Jackson has returned Irom a visit to Nanton, Alta. Struther's grocery in Fernie was burnt on Tuesday motning.' Insurance,$8,000. Geo. Dorenbecher, S. Dragon and J. S. Gusty of Fernie, weie in tOTfii on Tuesday. A cow was struck by the flyer here last night and was instantly put out of business. A contractor in new Michel has secured the contract for the construction of 40 houses in McGilvray Creek. A meeting of the base ball c\\ub will be. held in Somerton's hall on Monday night at 8.30, to arrange for ajiall in Weber's new store on Friday night. ; J. E. Furshong, late of Frank, is here on a business trip. Mr. Furshong has been trying to locate in Corbin, but from what we can learn he ia likely, like all the rest, to reside in New Michel. Our advertisers will convoy u big lavor if they will kindly get in their changes of ad. early in the week. We want to net out the paper Ihe first thing on Saturday morning, but wheu tho changes Ior half a dozen ade. are rushed in on Friday, it is impossible to get it out as early' »s dasired. Tho9e who failed to attend the ball given by the Canadian Club, in the school-house last night, misaed one of the events of the season. There was a good crowd, a plentiful supply of good music and refreshments, and the floor was in elegant shape. 0, N. Wood, of the Imporial Bank, while driving with Principal McLeod, met with an ticciilont on Friday evening. 1 'oniing into collision with another rig, their borse parted to run, und they eitii- LOST ArlD FOUND t osT.-VAMJittaV, wari, 'Necklace. 4J Finder please return to Heyortor office. -Lib. entl reward. HElyP WAjMTED-FEMALE HELP WANTED-MALE WANTED-tviiSCELLANEOUS (NOTICE TO CONTRACTORS FOR SALE T Of POH SALE.' OME OK THE BEST IN ■V husiness district. Apply at this ofllce. TO LET NOTICE AT piNGp! A Helioble Local Salosman Wanted to Represent • fi Canada's Oldest aiid Greatest Nurseries In Michel and adjoining Country, We have been shipping stock for thirty years to British Columbia, and aij our trees are grown on "Limestone soil," they are acknowledged by experienced fruit growers to be longer lived, and hardier than Coast stock ' "t permanent situation for right man '■ : witb territory reserved * Pay weekly. Free Outfit. "' "'' - particulars. Write for STONE $ WELLINGTON POISTHILL NURSERIES (Licensed by B. 0. Government) TORONTO QNT. er ■ jumped or were thrown ont. Mr. McLf ou is limping around with a sprained ankle, *r**hile 0. N. is nursing a hip aiid a badly strained side. The Oovernmont road gang are, completing their work for tht)Coal Co., 'and will be, here next week to resume on the public" roads. " L. P. Eckstein, G- <*• Moffat, Fred Johnsop and, E, H, Ban-rfell, of Fernie, wore registered''at the Great Northern pd Sunday. ; The, Kootenay hotel still continues to employ white labor only, not because they dislike the Oriental, but because they have a decided preference for white people.. J. D. Fink, H. D, Fink, J. B. Henderson and W. H. Burton, bf Cranbrook, came in pn Monday and are up. the Elk on a fishing excursion. M. Quain, manager of the Kpot- enay Telephone Lines Co., Ltd., was here on Thursday. He ia arranging for a telephone exchange for. the town. . E. 8tubbs wus hero Thursday. He, is employed on the Government road, and ho looks just the same as ha did away back in Fernie. Ed. is one of those fellows who niuke frieuds wherevor they go. Good luck, Ed! Ed, Stubbs' Bear Story E. Stubbs, sportsman, was out in the bush on Sunday, and hoard a dog coming through the woods, a large buck ahead of him. The buck ran intoahtigc black lieur, about a mile and a half above Michel creek. The boar bad to take back-wator, bat tho buck, in order to get clear of the dog, bad to cross the stream. The dog, finding himself in a critical position took back to dry land ami made himself scarce. Tbo huck crossed the creek and got away, the hear got hack Into tbe biiBh and Ed. got home, ami the bear Btory is open for a THE MEN'S Outfitting storE Will open in u Few Days with an Up-to date Stock of Clothing, Furnishings, Boots & Shoes We Carry Everything in Men's Wear Watch for Our Opening -^Announcement BOYD & MUIR GREAT NORTHERN HOTEL BLOCK NEW MICHEL The Summit An Ideal Summer Resort '■■*•' At CrovC'f Ne'rit'•"!■ This hotel, situated'at Crow's Nest, about eight" miles' from Michel/is just the -place to spend "'it week end and' enjoy yourself.' Good'boating, bathing, fishing and big menagerie and museum,' Fin's place to go to, to get away from the daily grind.' Leave- on Saturday evening's express- and back Moijda'y morning iji time for business,'- Reasonable charges. Andy Good, Proprietor SUNDAY SERVICES METHODIST CHURCH MICHEL AND NEW MICHEL SERVICES' EVERY SUNDAY NEW MICHEL, 10.45 a. in., iu "-room over Somerton Bro's store. . MICHEL, Sunday" School,'' 2.30 n. m. Evening service, at 7.SI0. Band of Hope, every Moaday-at 7.30 p.*m. " Rev. S. T,. Chenoweth, Pastor, The pastor and officials extend' a cordial invitation to you to' attend these services. • ■'■ ■ ST. PAUL'S PHURCH ' MioHEL, B. O. Services—1st. Sunday in the month, Holy Communion, 11 a. m. Every Sunday, IJvpnBong, "t*.*30 p. m. Sunday School, every Sunday, 2.30'p. m. A. BriantN. Crowtlier, il. A/, Vicar. ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH MICHEL, B. C. unday: Low Mass, 8 a. in.; High Matu, 10.30 a. in.;'Sunday School, 3 p. a\\,\\ Vespers, 4 p. m. Monday: Mass, 8 a.' m.° Rev. Fr. Mtjissner, Pastor L, P. Eckstein P. E. MCTAOQAItT ECKSTEIN & McTAGGART Barristers, Solicitors'Etc. ECKSTEIN BUILDING, FERNIE, B.O scientific investigation. Waterworks. At a meeting of the Michel Water, light it Power Co., held in Somertprt'e Hall on Tuesday night, the following board of officers and directors wpre appointed: President, A. J. McCool; Secy.-Treas., G. B. Stedman; Directors, T. B. Baker, H. Sqmerton and A. Kennedy. Arrangement!! have been made with A. C. Cumminga, for plans and levels this week, and estimates will bo ready for the Company tp ask fpr tenders next week, Hungarian Society Spoils The Hungarian Society gave their annual celebration here on Monday, and as UBual it was a pro: nbunced success, The Coleman Brass Band, comprised ot the following, were in attendance all day and livened up proceedings in good stylo: A. Dragon, clarionette; A, iaston, W, Crawford, D. Banks, A. Milley, cornets; W, M. McLeod 1st cornet; P. Barnes, 2nd cornet; L. Nightingale, Solo tenor; \\V. Konghead, 1st tenor; J. Stafford, 1st baritone, J. Holmes, solo euphonium leader: R. Easton. solo trombone; J. Boulton, 1st trombone I). Rogers, 2nd trombone. J. McLeod, 15b bass; H. Gates, Bass; F, Boulton, snare-drum: O. Saville bass drum. The dancing pavilion was one of the features of the day, and was the scene of a lot of pleasure. The program of sports, and the winners in the several events havo been unavoidably crowded out. CROW'S NEST Thou. Davis sends in many alluring reports from the Flathead coal tieldB. Mrs. Andy Gliod will leave the 1st pro.w, for an extended trip to Seattlo and other coast cities. Mr. C. E. KunBch has returned from Perry Creek, where he has been doing development work on his placer claim. B. F. Walling, of Nampa, Idaho, together with Mr. Hayward, of Pittsburg, Pa., are now leaving for the Flfttnoad country. ", i .ii , -p»-»^»" l*eads ajl for Quality, Fit arid Prices We. have just received Fall Samples of th|s Pelebrate^ Mal^e pf Clothing Every Semi-Read)? Qarment is Guaranteed Ag«nt for as Business Bringers Rcidlnv Notlen Inserted under this Heidlng at the rate ot Ten Cents a Line, each insertion. No ads Inserted 'amongst Locals. QMOKE Crow's Neat Spocial and Extra. Union 3 Mado Cioarn. tiHIPPING Tafra, printed to ordor, good tounh & stool-;, at the Itoportor ofllce. ■ENVELOPES. Any auanttty, good stock, well JJ printed, nt the Keporter office. -STATEMENTS, Printed and pndded ub you w want them, at the Keporter ofllco. LETTER Heads. Plnln or Fancy. Any rolor Ink. Printed aa you like them at tho Reporter ollice. ■DUSINE8S Cards, Finest work In the Pasa, ** Any alee and any oolor Ink you dealro. Printed at tho Reporter oflien. PRINTING Ink. Wo can decorate your printing f jobs with any color orsha'do of the finest Inks in tho world. For lino color work send your order to the Reporter. Union Bakery G. SOVRANQ, Proprietor OLD TOWN, - - - MICHEL Fresh Bread Delivered Daily Coffins In stock and made to order Fred. Pomaiiao, NEW MICHEL J. J. SCOTT, GENERAL BLACKSMITH, Horseshoeing a Specialty NEW MICHEL Messrs, Mbe, Reynolds and Henderson, of Taber, Alta., have engaged a pack-train of eleven horBes, from Andy Good, and they will do some development work in the Flathead. Robt. M'allace and A. L. McKel- vie, bf Lethbridge, are separating the lakes and streams from many large trout. Their catch yeBterday was twenty-seven in two hours. Both gentlemen are expert anglers. Andy Good has engaged an orchestra to render selections in his large pavilion Saturday night. The dancing and other attractions are free, and the dining hall will remain open all night for the benefit of I V^ Holding Co., Builders aud Contractors Repairs and alterations promptly attended to. Estimates cheerfully given, ... '.. . (Sew Michel Blairmore ^ ^ sale an TniA#weif a QVer Blairmore I OWnSlte. Townsite, : by the only Real Estate man in Blair- TY*IfsVP lf Interested, write for particulars 111 VIC. pfflcs on Main Street A. McLeod, Blairmore LUMBER YARD WHOLESALE AND RETAIL All J?indB of Lumber, lytouldingu, etc.—Fancy Windows, Doors and Verandah Posts in Stock and to Order. Fernie Lumber Co., Ltd. :-: NewMichei JUST ARRIVED! "Cailler's Swiss Milk Chocolates" Best on Earth, Ice Cream, Fruit and Candies, RING'S lyiTCHEN New Michel., For First Class INVESTMENTS -IN- Prince Rupert Saskatoon, and Lethbridge City Property, Creston Fruit Lands, and Farm Lands, See, or write . MORGAN & McKAY so yeahs" EXPERIENCE BOX 08 MICHEL, B. C. those who desire an evening lunch, __ Marm DCSIQNS CoPvmoHTS 40. i " nnd r50ncrlntlqn Bfl ~ nether si immnnlark on Patents anUrefcOlitnsliMnorforeecotlpepatent*. • Patente taken tnronih Mann * Co. rooelts sftelalnotkt, without nbento, uttha Scientific Umcrica A hendsomelir Ulusttatcm woeklr. Latienelf- eolation ot anr sclentlno Jonrnal. Terms tor t'lneaa.jMBaTeer.fostajTolirepaltl. Bold W MolcKTkrsuwue SU Waektiiteo,"""@en, "1909_09_09 edition missing"@en ; edm:hasType "Newspapers"@en ; dcterms:spatial "New Michel (B.C.)"@en ; dcterms:identifier "Michel_Reporter_1909_08_21"@en ; edm:isShownAt "10.14288/1.0344525"@en ; dcterms:language "English"@en ; geo:lat "49.7"@en ; geo:long "-114.83333"@en ; edm:provider "Vancouver : University of British Columbia Library"@en ; dcterms:publisher "New Michel, B.C. : George G. Meikle"@en ; dcterms:rights "Images provided for research and reference use only. Permission to publish, copy, or otherwise use these images must be obtained from the Digitization Centre: http://digitize.library.ubc.ca/"@en ; dcterms:isPartOf "BC Historical Newspapers"@en ; dcterms:source "Original Format: Royal British Columbia Museum. British Columbia Archives."@en ; dcterms:title "Michel Reporter"@en ; dcterms:type "Text"@en ; dcterms:description ""@en .