Education, Faculty of
DSpace
UBCV
Wang, Min Xue Alice
EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR Exploring Liminality in the Life of an Asian-Canadian Educator by Min Xue (Alice) Wang A GRADUATING PAPER SUBMITTED IN PARTIAL FULFILMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF Master of Education in THE FACULTY OF GRADUATE STUDIES (Home Economics) The University of British Columbia (Vancouver) © Min Xue Alice Wang August 31, 2024 EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR ABSTRACT Using personal narratives, I reflect upon and analyze my liminal identity as an Asian-Canadian and the liminal identity of the Home Economics profession to improve upon my teaching and help fill the gaps in research for Asian-Canadian educator narratives. I deconstruct my liminal moments and the tension of liminality in the hyphen to better understand and make conscious choices as an educator and student, as well as contribute to ideas for better practice in Home Economics. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR DEDICATIONS To my parents – thank you for raising me and supporting me in all the chapters in life. I will continue your hopes and wishes for all the hardships you endured so I could have a better life. To my partner, Sam – thank you for encouraging me and being by my side every step of the way. Your help was imperative to my health and the state of the house not falling apart. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER ONE ...................................................................................................................... 1 My Educator Origin: Living in the Hyphen .......................................................................... 1 My Journey as an Educator .................................................................................................. 4 Parts of My Identity I Cannot Change - Appearance and Name ......................................... 5 Home Economics: A Parallel Experience .......................................................................... 11 Entering Liminal Space - Living in the Hyphen ................................................................ 14 CHAPTER TWO ................................................................................................................... 16 Why Comics? A Rationale for their Uses .......................................................................... 16 Comics-Based Research..................................................................................................... 19 Terminology ....................................................................................................................... 20 Comic vs. Graphic Novel ............................................................................................. 20 Manga/Manhua/Manhwa ............................................................................................. 21 Panel ............................................................................................................................. 21 Gutter ........................................................................................................................... 21 Summary of Chapter Two .................................................................................................. 22 CHAPTER THREE ............................................................................................................... 23 Sketching the Frames (Methodology) ................................................................................ 23 Theoretical/Philosophical Frameworks ............................................................................. 23 A/R/Tography .............................................................................................................. 25 Autoethnography.......................................................................................................... 25 Liminality ..................................................................................................................... 25 Anti-Racist Education .................................................................................................. 29 EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR Summary of Chapter Three ................................................................................................ 31 CHAPTER FOUR .................................................................................................................. 32 Shading in the Details ........................................................................................................ 32 Food and Mealtimes ........................................................................................................... 33 The Role of Home Economics in Food Education ............................................................ 37 Utilizing the “Home” ......................................................................................................... 40 Have You Eaten Yet? The Importance of Home ............................................................... 42 Racism Exists, Visible or Invisible .................................................................................... 45 Liminal Identities in the Classroom ................................................................................... 48 Summary of Chapter Four ................................................................................................. 54 CHAPTER FIVE ................................................................................................................... 55 Reflections ......................................................................................................................... 55 Conclusion ......................................................................................................................... 61 References ............................................................................................................................... 62 EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR LIST OF FIGURES Figure #1: Becoming a Canadian citizen? (Part 1).....................................................................2 Figure #2: Becoming a Canadian citizen? (Part 2).....................................................................3 Figure #3: Stereotypes................................................................................................................7 Figure #4: What’s in a name?.....................................................................................................9 Figure #5: Home Economics is…............................................................................................12 Figure #6: Liminality................................................................................................................26 Figure #7: What’s for lunch?....................................................................................................33 Figure # 8: Sneaking lunch.......................................................................................................34 Figure #9: Adult lunch.............................................................................................................36 Figure #10: Canada’s Food Guide............................................................................................38 Figure #11: Have you eaten yet?..............................................................................................43 Figure #12: Dr. Wang’s wisdom..............................................................................................45 Figure #13: Everyone is the main character of their own story (Part 1)..................................52 Figure #14: Everyone is the main character of their own story (Part 2)..................................53 Figure #15: Don’t call Canada stupid!.....................................................................................55 Figure #16: Capitalism as a parasitic fungus...........................................................................58 EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 1 CHAPTER ONE My Educator Origin: Living in the Hyphen What does it mean to be Canadian (see Fig. 1)? Is it the citizenship paperwork, the language, or just a feeling? To some, it can be defined by something out of one’s control, such as one’s visible ethnic background (see Fig. 2). To make things more complicated, how does the hyphen in “Asian-Canadian” change the meaning? Being in-between language, identity, and culture does not mean having only half of either side, but rather it can be the “fluid movement” (Marshall & Lee, 2017, p. 151) between Asian and Canadian that can be a strength. The reason I want to explore this hyphen or liminality of being a hyphenated Canadian is to better understand my values as an educator as well as open the dialogue for anyone who feels they are in-between labels, including labels such as Asian-American, student-teacher, artist-researcher, etc. This liminal space transcends the idea of being in the exact half-way point between two sides; rather, the in-between becomes an entirely new space with its own identity, while simultaneously still involved in both sides. Learning about what it means to be a hyphenated Canadian is relevant for educators to better understand ourselves, connect with students, and live in a diverse country. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 2 Figure #1 Becoming a Canadian citizen? Part 1 EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 3 Figure #2 Becoming a Canadian citizen? Part 2 EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 4 Note: This moment will forever be burned into my memory - not for the joyous occasion it should have been, but because of the 100% certainty from another student (who, in my adolescent eyes, had the authority of a “True Canadian” since he was white) that I could absolutely never be Canadian. The “why?” was left unsaid, but we all heard the silent meaning – someone who looked like me could never be Canadian. My Journey as an Educator I attended the Concurrent Education program at Queen’s University which was a 5-year program that combined the regular undergraduate program with education theory and practicum courses throughout the first four years, then the last year is entirely education-focused. My practicums ranged from standing around like a statue in a kindergarten class in Kingston to creating programs for a children’s museum in New York City to student-teaching with my old high school teachers in Winnipeg. From these varying experiences, I learned what I liked and did not like about teaching – my first practicum in the kindergarten class showed me that elementary grades are not for me. The times in teaching that I enjoyed the most were when I had support (from administration, teachers, and parents) and had a clear overarching goal within the community/school of what we were all working towards, whether that was literacy, school spirit, or active student involvement. For me, one of the best feelings in teaching is when I can see the direct impact my teaching has on students. This is why Home Economics has always appealed to me as a student and as a teacher - it has the potential to be directly impactful on every person’s daily life and can be the home base that connects a community of diverse learners. A turning point in my journey as an educator happened within my first few years of teaching. I studied to be a high school teacher with English and History as my teachable EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 5 subjects at Queen’s University in Ontario. The reasons I moved back to Alberta was to be closer to family and I was enticed by the recruiter at our school job fair touting plentiful job prospects out West, though that turned out to be about the same as Ontario. One thing that differed was Alberta’s teaching credentials system: every teacher can technically teach any subject in any grade without additional schooling. Schools in Ontario required additional university credits to teach certain subjects, while Alberta worked on what seemed to be an honour system. If you say you can teach something, you can be considered for a position in that subject. I had planned to get additional credits to teach Home Economics when I was in university, so this was great news. This fluidity can reveal more opportunities and movement within the profession, and I ended up substitute teaching in multiple Home Economics classrooms. However, the negative side effect of this fluidity meant my specializations shifted into more of a preference. My credentials now melded into the “generalist” that every teacher was expected to be. I am an adaptable person, so I taught any subject and grade in my first few years of teaching. This gave me insight into a bigger picture of the school system, but I became lost as to what kind of teacher I actually was. Parts of My Identity I Cannot Change - Appearance and Name While I had no issues substituting in math classes and even enjoyed teaching the subject, at least up to a grade ten level, some teachers and administrators would be visibly surprised when I told them that I mainly teach English (see Fig. 3). The subtlety of their reactions varied. The cognitive dissonance they had boiled down to “I figured you would teach math or science based on your appearance, because that is what most teachers who look like you do.” I get it, because I have never seen an Asian English teacher before either. I do not think most of these comments were made with malicious intent, but from genuine EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 6 surprise at seeing something for the first time. Unintentional racism still hurts though. It made me wonder what other things they assumed about me based on my physical appearance. What is an English teacher supposed to look like anyways? If teachers, administrators, students, and parents have a preconception about the subject I would or would not be good at teaching, how much harder would I have to work than my peers to prove my capabilities? Would it ever be hard enough to overcome prejudice? EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 7 Figure #3 Stereotypes EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 8 Note: If we went along with stereotypes, the way I dressed and carried myself would have definitely fit under the “English teacher” category. If I had Caucasian features, there would have been little doubt as to which subject I taught. My Chinese-ness seemed to have outshone my assortment of nerdy English teacher stereotypes and I was placed into the Chinese = math teacher box. For six years, I shifted between temporary contracts and substitute teaching. In my school board, substitute teachers could not apply to any job openings. If there was a vacancy, my recruiter was supposed to forward my name to the principal, and the principal would have the choice to call me for an interview or not. I did not know my recruiters because they changed every year, and I did not know to which principals they forwarded my name, if at all. Later, when I became familiar with the schools I regularly substitute taught at, I found out that some principals could not even find me in the system because they only knew me by my English name. In my time as a professional teacher, I have been called for more interviews in Chinese Language teaching positions than in English Language teaching positions. The problem is that I am basically illiterate in Chinese, but I have two Canadian university degrees specializing in English. It seems that my legal name “Min Xue Wang” inspired little confidence that English is actually my primary language, and even less that I could teach it sufficiently. The name my parents gave me, 敏学, translates to “clever” and “learner.” I have gone by my English name, “Alice,” ever since I immigrated to Canada with my parents in the year 2000, but “Alice” does not exist on any of my legal documents. For much of my childhood, I was embarrassed of my Chinese name. Nobody could pronounce it, and it was a reminder that I was different. That is why roll call was always stressful as a child; anytime we had a new teacher or substitute teacher, I would have to sit through the embarrassing EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 9 mispronunciation then hurriedly say, “you can just call me Alice” (see Fig. 4), while some students giggled. Figure #4 What’s in a name? Note: Names can hold a lot of meaning, especially in Chinese culture, where a name is akin to a fortune or wish from parents for the kind of person their child will become. To have my name be mispronounced or dismissed feels like a direct insult to my parents. However, I am not free from that guilt since I avoided my own name in childhood to fit in. It was likely these experiences in my childhood that have made me always try very hard to pronounce names properly in my time as a new teacher. If I had a little time before class, I would go through the attendance list and search up the pronunciations of any names I had not seen before or discreetly ask a student how to pronounce this name. A bit of my inner child healed every time a student excitedly said, “wow, you actually pronounced my name right! That never happens!” Of course, there were still times that I mispronounced some names, but I always made sure to follow up with a “sorry” and said their name again correctly. Some students would say something like “um, my name is [real pronunciation], but it’s fine,” tired of having to correct these adults all the time and feeling embarrassed. In the million things a teacher does in a day, a name may seem like a miniscule detail. However, I EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 10 believe saying names right is a necessary sign of respect that will open the mutual trust for teaching to take place. Even if nobody makes a fuss, the constant mispronunciations will eventually wear down on students and further solidify the underlying belief that only English/Canadian names are acceptable. As Paolo Freire claimed, For cultural invasion to succeed, it is essential that those invaded become convinced of their intrinsic inferiority. [...] The more invasion is accentuated and those invaded are alienated from the spirit of their own culture and from themselves, the more the latter want to be like the invaders: to walk like them, dress like them, talk like them. (1970, p. 151) As a child, I did not hold others accountable for mispronouncing or insulting my name. Instead, I lowered my gaze and felt embarrassed, blaming my parents for giving me such a strange name. I was subconsciously convinced of my intrinsic inferiority; what else could a child believe under those circumstances, when no peers at school had a name like mine and new introductions with people always drew attention to how strange and inconvenient my name was? The name my parents gave me, wishing for me to become a scholar and lifelong learner, was reduced to an exotic but unknowable novelty at best, and a hard-to-pronounce nuisance at worst. How much power does my name hold over my identity? I did not want to change my legal name and erase my history for the mere possibility of getting a permanent job, which would have been given away by my last name and eventually face in-person anyways. To go by “Min Xue” means more prejudice and missed opportunities. To go by “Alice” means blending in at the cost of leaving a part of myself behind. How can I exist in the in-between so that I am neither losing any part of myself nor putting myself at a disadvantage? The reality of living in the hyphen means continuously reconciling the different sides of my EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 11 identity. To participate in and enjoy the benefits of western society requires a degree of compliance. To communicate, connect, and find opportunities in Canada, I must abide by western society’s rules. While I wanted to change my name as a child to follow western norms more perfectly, I now know that I would never change my name because it is my connection to my family and history. As more stories are shared by Canadians of diverse backgrounds, living in the hyphen will mean less pressure to erase parts of one’s identity. Home Economics: A Parallel Experience Home Economics, a subject that I have taught and continue to utilize in daily life, reflects a parallel struggle with its identity and name. I remember my high school Home Economics teacher always wore a bright white ironed lab coat every day. The lab coat was interesting and intentional compared to what the other teachers wore, and even the chemistry teacher only wore his lab coat during the occasional lab day. Subconsciously, I think the lab coat did influence me in viewing Home Economics as a legitimate science more, compared to my only other previous experience with Home Economics in middle school, where my teacher wore casual clothes. The term, “household science” and wearing lab coats was historically used to raise the status of Home Economics in higher education institutions (Egan & Goodman, 2020). Home Economics has and continues to experience prejudice regarding its legitimacy as a subject (de Zwart, 1991) and university program (Nerad, 1988). Like my experiences as an Asian-Canadian English teacher, Home Economics also has a history of needing to prove itself against prejudices (see Fig. 5). EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 12 Figure #5 Home Economics is… EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 13 Note: Many of the uninvited comments pertaining to the Home Economics subject revolved around a general air of condescension. I gleaned that the sources of these comments ranged from jealousy to misinformation to misogyny. Some people were just jealous that it was a fun class where we got to make stuff every day, some genuinely did not know what we did in Home Economics, and some viewed anything stereotypically feminine as inferior and not to be taken seriously. Home Economics in my high school was split into four general sections: cooking, nutrition, sewing, and family studies. These curriculum sections rotated between classes, assuming our teacher did not want hundreds of students packed into the kitchens every day. It ended up having the additional effect that students were allowed to stay during lunch or spare periods to work on a bigger sewing project or give their casserole a head start in the oven. Some kids just liked being in that classroom even without an assignment to work on. Even though I had a wonderful experience in Home Economics as a student, I wonder about its colonizing role (de Zwart, 2005). For example, the cooking and nutrition units were noticeably Eurocentric. In my home, it was just a bowl and a pair of chopsticks for every meal, even soup, so I had no idea how to set a table in the western style before this course. There is still merit in learning western customs, but an improvement would be diversifying the standard for what preparing a meal looks like. The potential risk to that would be misrepresenting or appropriating a culture if the teacher does not have enough prior experience/education or support from administration. There is a limit to what one teacher can do without school support, and ideally support in the form of curriculum updates. While some courses can be taught with minimal supplies, the hands-on learning in Home Economics is especially funding dependent. Home Economics can technically still be taught without a proper kitchen or sewing machines, but solely teacher creativity will only go so far. Practical EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 14 learning is crucial as this is the course closest to our daily lives, so a half an hour of hands-on kitchen experience is often more effective than days reading about the theory. Entering Liminal Space - Living in the Hyphen Thinking back on the hyphen in Asian-Canadian, such a small punctuation can evoke a quantum imagery of the liminal state of being both, neither, and in-between. Growing up, I never felt fully Chinese nor fully Canadian. I was born in China and follow most of the customs at home, but I also felt Canadian through making friends and experiencing a typical Canadian childhood. Do I have to choose a side? If I am both, does that mean I am only half of each? I cannot erase parts of myself to be fully anything; both Chinese and Canadian are so intertwined within me that there is no discernible beginning or end. The word “liminal” is defined as “relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition” (Merriam-Webster, n.d., n.p.), and this word represents the ideas of transition, occupying both sides of a boundary, and being in-between. More than the literal meaning of transitioning across borders, “liminality helps reconstruct, through aesthetic strategies of representation, the emotional experience of the threshold, imbuing it with a recognizably visceral appearance and structure” (Brandt, 2017, pp. 14-15), which is exactly what a personal narrative in comics would be strongest at expressing. Similarly, comics can be viewed as a linear movement from one panel/scene to another, read from left-to-right and top-to-bottom in English. However, the beauty of comics differs from movies in that each moment represented by each panel is available simultaneously rather than presented to you. That simultaneous representation to you, the reader, leaves freedom as agency, rather than telling you what to view. In this graduating paper, I reflect upon and analyze my liminal identity as an Asian-Canadian and the liminal identity of the Home Economics profession to improve upon my EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 15 teaching and help fill the gaps in research for Asian-Canadian educator narratives. Through personal narratives, I express the experiences of an Asian-Canadian educator through liminal moments and deconstruct the tension of liminality in the hyphen to better understand and make conscious choices as an educator and student, as well as contribute to ideas for better practice in Home Economics. In Chapter Two, I describe the use of comics as a way to engage with my topic of liminality and identity. In Chapter Three, I link my work to the methodologies of A/R/Tography, narrative inquiry, and autoethnography. In Chapter Four, I explore the role of “home” in Home Economics and how acknowledging racism is important in the classroom. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 16 CHAPTER TWO Why Comics? A Rationale for their Uses During my undergraduate studies, I took a course called “The Graphic Novel: Visualizing History and Bearing Witness to Trauma.” From this time, I started to view and respect comics and graphic novels more through the academic lens, and this course made an impression because of how deeply personal narratives could be portrayed in this medium. Stories of illness, war, and sexuality exuded such raw emotions in those pages that I did not think possible before. Of course, not all graphic novels have such painful stories to tell as this course focused on trauma, but this experience left me in awe of this unique method of storytelling. Comics have a reputation of being for children and purely comedic (e.g. stand-up comic), in large part due to the popularity of the “Sunday Funnies,” a page of short comics on the last page of newspapers. I remember reading Garfield and Pearls before Swine comics as a child in those newspaper pages, amongst other short but funny titles. To a child, they were the real treat past the numerous pages of boring news. These tidbits of comics were entertaining and easily digestible for all, and their legacy was popularizing this medium to a wider audience. However, had I not started reading manga and lengthier graphic novels, I would have continued to think that comics were only ever used for comedy. Like many other mediums, comics and graphic novels have also been widely used across diverse cultures in education as well as critiquing society. Just as novels and films can range from light-hearted comedies to dark dystopian reflections of social injustice, so too can comics. Comics and graphic novels have always played a significant role in shaping my creativity and interests, so naturally I began to desire to express my ideas and creativity in a comparable way. The use of images and words creates something more than the sum of its parts. For personal narratives, the feelings of nostalgia can be well suited to this medium EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 17 since much of the interpretation relies on the reader’s active participation. Regarding the creation of comics, Sousanis (2017) succinctly stipulated, “my words are chosen so that they can both contain a multiplicity of meanings yet remain precise enough to mean exactly what I want, if you happen to know where I’m coming from” (p. 193). Comics, graphic novels, or “sequential art” (Eisner, 2008) are the most common labels given to this medium of art with words. Sometimes, words are not even necessary. For example, The Arrival (2007) by Shaun Tan shows the story of a man who has left his home in search of a brighter future and experiences the hardships and loneliness of being a newcomer in a foreign country. The lack of dialogue, narration, or onomatopoeia except for signs and small exchanges with locals in an unrecognizable language all emphasize the feelings of confusion and anxiety that new immigrants would experience perfectly. The story may be silent without words, but the images convey a rich story. Tan’s background is Chinese and Australian, and while he did not experience immigration as his parents did, he captured the feelings with inspiration from his father’s story and countless photographs from 1900s New York in The Arrival. On his website, Tan says he remembers “growing up I did have a vague sense of separateness, an unclear notion of identity or detachment from roots, on top of that traditionally contested concept of what it is to be ‘Australian’, or worse, ‘un-Australian’ (whatever that might mean)”. From The Arrival, I clearly felt this tension in identity, and that this medium can convey what words alone cannot. More than a standalone painting or novel, comics have the potential to show the passage of time, the shifting in and out of reality, as well as visualizing inner thoughts in a way that words and pictures cannot convey as well alone. For this project, the combination of A/R/Tography, personal narrative, and autoethnography blend the “self and observer” so that through the dual media of words and drawings, they become a liminal space itself which offers “multiple possibilities for interpreting experience, reworking memory, and staging self-EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 18 reflection” (Watson, 2011, p. 125). This liminal space in A/R/Tography works then becomes both visually present in the comic page as well as in the story of living in the hyphen. The comic medium also works well for expressing the vulnerable moments of identity through narrative and storytelling because comics demand “a certain cognitive framework for reader and creator alike” (Kuttner et al., 2017, p. 398). One cannot idly sit there, passively waiting to receive information from a TV commercial for example. With a heavy and emotionally charged story such as Maus (1991) by Art Spiegelman, a graphic novel account of the author’s father’s experience in the Holocaust, one would never get any deeper past all the cartoon animals without engaging with the work, when even the species of animals are intentionally selected. After all these years since my first-year sociology class, the phrase “the medium is the message” (McLuhan, 1964) is still vividly memorable. McLuhan’s idea of “cool media” is something that requires active participation and enough attention from the reader to fill in the blanks. For comics, sometimes the space between panels is literally blank. Conversely, hot media would include TV, short-form videos, and any other formats where the viewer only passively absorbs information. Scott McCloud, the author of Understanding Comics (1994) expresses the intent of the “comics creature [asking the reader] to join in a silent dance of the seen and the unseen. The visible and the invisible” (p. 92). The reader joins in on that dance as a participant, not as a viewer of the performance. Positivism as an ideology has dominated education and educational research for over two hundred years. Beginning in the 1970s, new opportunities have started to gain traction and challenge positivism’s hold on research (McGregor, 2017). As positivism’s dependence on assumptions of a realist ontology and objective, dualist epistemology was insufficient in reflecting the reality of educational settings, new methodologies were proposed. Comics can be viewed as a challenge to positivism since there is no one-directional way to consume comics. Reading comics is a “a cyclical process—a back and forth between seeing and EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 19 reading, with image informing text and text informing image” (Kuttner et al., 2017, p. 398), which differs from the passive absorbing of information as one might do with positivism. For comics, there are no facts to memorize per se, and depending on the artistic style, the tone that comics present can vary greatly. The value of comics can be unearthed by interacting within its liminal spaces and opening the pathway for the back and forth between medium and reader. That cyclical process creates an active camaraderie even when reading a story with settings one has never seen or racialization one has never experienced. Comics-Based Research How do comics fit into research? Certain experiences, especially when they are about sensitive subjects, can create more impact with the freedom of an artistic medium. Through remembering, creating, and reflecting, the artist can create new meaning and start a dialogue with others. The duality between words and images converges the “self into observer and observed is redoubled in autographics” (Newbigging, 2018, p. 276). Autographics for graphic memoirs is a term coined by Gillian Whitlock (2006, p. 966) “to draw attention to the specific conjunctions of visual and verbal text in this genre of autobiography, and also to the subject positions that narrators negotiate in and through comics”. One creates a dialogue with oneself, and just the act of interpreting this art can trigger self-dialogue in observers as well. For autobiographies, comics are a medium that have a unique ability to portray serious and traumatic subjects like war and illness by demanding active engagement from the reader. Comics-based research (or CBR) is an emerging practice under the umbrella of arts-based research where researchers “share an interest in the unique semiotic, narrative, communicative, and educative properties of the comics form for their participants, their audiences, and themselves” (Kuttner et al., 2021, pp. 196-197). As such, CBR allows the EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 20 researcher to explore multiple perspectives and emotions that would be limited by academic prose or rigid research methodology. Due to the cyclical nature of reading comics, CBR rejects the positivism ontology where only empirical scientific inquiry is considered real or reliable research. Teaching is also inherently personal as one's identity cannot be separated from the profession. Teachers directly face students consistently, so the use of voices and personalities is inextricably tied into the daily work. Comics of lived experiences present a powerful way to express, reflect, and connect, so they can be a great tool for teachers to reflect on their own practice and critique curricular issues without the red tape that traditional empirical research presents. Terminology Knowing the names of certain techniques is not necessary to enjoy reading a comic, but I have found it to be helpful to have an official term to sum up what I could only guess at its intention. As an artist, once we have learned to read comics in-depth, we can utilize these tools with intention in the creation of comics. Comic vs. Graphic Novel Though the terms “comic” and “graphic novel” can be used interchangeably in most cases, the connotations tied to each hold different expectations. “Comic” tends to invoke an image of the “Sunday Funnies” since these cartoon strips gained a reputation for being funny intended for the general audience. On the other hand, “graphic novel” often follows a more cohesive narrative, usually through a series of chapters just like a written novel, hence the word “novel” being used. Though it is not always the case, graphic novels are more likely to be used to address serious or deeper topics due to its lengthier format and proximity to traditional novels. Both comics and graphic novels can be suitable terms for ranges of genres EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 21 from traumatic narratives to slapstick comedy. In general, the term "comic" is an umbrella term that encompasses the whole genre. Manga/Manhua/Manhwa The Asian term equivalent of comics includes manga (Japanese), manhua (Chinese), and manhwa (Korean), which sound similar because they all derive from the Chinese stem word, 漫画, translating to "free drawing". The reason a different name is used is because Asian comics differ from the Western style in both art and narrative structure. Panels in Asian comics follow the "aspect-to-aspect" pattern more often, seen in the next figure, which focuses more on mood and zooming in on certain details. Also, Asian comics are more often read right-to-left to reflect the order of traditional literature. Panel A panel is a single frame within a comic. This is usually contained with dark solid lines, similar to a window. A panel can be as small as a single word or as large as the entire page. The image and words within a panel are like a single scene or moment within a film. In a way, a panel is like a still picture taken from a film, frozen in time. Sometimes, characters and words may overflow or break away from the panel, reminiscent of the idea of breaking the fourth wall. Other times, there may not be any panels at all. Either way, it would be a conscious decision from the author to do so. Gutter The space outside of panel borders is what is referred to as the gutter. Think of this as the negative space, or the space intentionally left blank. Some comics have gutters with alternating widths which can signify a varying passage of time, either externally or in the character’s mind. Other comics have no gutter at all because the panels are all right next to EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 22 each other. Sometimes the gutter blends into another frame with a gradient effect. Thinking of panels and gutters working together, they can “fracture both time and space, offering a jagged, staccato rhythm of unconnected moments. But closure allows us to connect these moments and mentally construct a continuous, unified reality” (McCloud, 1994, p. 67). Summary of Chapter Two In this chapter, I have explained the use of comics as an engaging medium for personal reflection and research. Despite the historical stereotypes of comics as “Sunday Funnies”, comics and graphic novels have proven to be powerfully creative works of literature. Because of the liminal qualities and ability to connect with readers, comics serve as an effective catalyst for discussion regarding the identity struggles of an Asian-Canadian educator. In the following chapter, I focus on sketching out the theoretical framework that supports my use of comics-based research. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 23 CHAPTER THREE Sketching the Frames (Methodology) Within the interpretive paradigm, I seek to understand my identity as an educator because there is merit in reflecting inward to move forward. Using a combination of A/R/Tography, narrative inquiry, and autoethnography as my research methodologies, the inward reflection can be used to find meaning in lived experiences, as “life is full of entangled lines of events, intensities, and movements” (Irwin, 2013, p. 209). Everything that we experience becomes part of our identity, so every person is an amalgamation of all the overlapping webs of people, cultures, and experiences. Similarly, Hayano (1979) claims that information, methods, and theories are affected by situational and personal factors, so they can never be fully objective. Our inner self reflects the external world, and art is one way to bring our inner selves into the light for observation and connection. By looking inwards, we will learn more about the world we live in. Theoretical/Philosophical Frameworks In this chapter, I locate the research problem within the methodologies of A/R/Tography, autoethnography, the key concept of liminality, and an anti-racist education perspective. A/R/Tography appeals to me because the act of creating is reflection, and narrative inquiry is for dissecting the key moments in my life that helped shape me into the educator I am today. According to Irwin (2008), A/R/Tography allows the researcher to explore the liminal space between artmaking, research, and teaching practices. As an individual, I am focusing on my firsthand experiences that shaped my identity as an educator through creating comics. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 24 There are some limitations to my research from an autoethnographic perspective due to the use of personal narratives as a source of data. While my firsthand experiences may have overlapping themes with the experiences of other millennial immigrants from Asian countries, they cannot be representative of the experiences of the entire Asian diaspora. Depending on which country they were born in, which culture they grew up in, what kind of peers they were surrounded by, and many other variables, the experiences of others in the Asian diaspora can be extremely different from my own. In the scope of my research, I use the term “Asian-Canadian” in reference to Canadians with East Asian backgrounds (Chinese, Korean, etc.), as these cultures and the timeline of immigration to Canada are closer to what I know. It is not my intention to exclude South and Southeast Asian-Canadians, but due to my limited knowledge, I cannot adequately empathize and represent everyone’s experiences. As someone in-between hyphens, my identity resides in the liminal space between Asian and Canadian. I want to explore this space, which in its essence defies borders, with A/R/Tography because there are some experiences and feelings that are better represented through art. Sometimes just the process of creating art reveals new realizations. The issue of race in education can have a deeper impact from my personal narratives. On a wider scale, autoethnographic research promotes compassion and dialogue (Ellis & Bochner, 2000, p. 748), and my look inward can open the possibility of dialogue and space for Asian-Canadian educators to be heard and share their stories too. Lastly, to frame my research within anti-racist education is to look forward and explore the possibilities of how the culmination of mine and other Asian-Canadians’ experiences can help create more equitable and culturally conscious Home Economics programs in the future. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 25 A/R/Tography Irwin (2008) describes A/R/Tography as “an arts and education practice-based methodology recognizing that the practices of artists and educators are often reflective, reflexive, recursive, and responsive acts of living inquiry” (para 1). Irwin (2008) compares A/R/Tography to action research since they both develop in a natural path of asking questions, collecting and analyzing information, and then asking more questions. There is no strict plan or method, but the cycle of developing and asking questions reflects the ideology behind comics-based research. Similarly, the processes “are usually intertwined acts of meditative, even contemplative, inquiry” (Irwin, 2008, para 2). Autoethnography Autoethnography is a qualitative and interpretive research method that combines personal experience (“auto”) to describe and interpret (“graphy”) cultural texts, experiences, beliefs, and practices (“ethno”) (Adams, Ellis & Jones, 2017). Autoethnography uses autobiographical self-reflection to explore and interpret these anecdotal experiences in a wider cultural, political, and social understanding. The benefit of autoethnography over ethnography is using personal narratives and interpreting cultural experiences from within rather than looking in. Liminality “Not all artistic research is autoethnographic and not all autoethnographic research is artistic'' (Bartleet, 2022, p. 134), so to be situated in the space between artistic research and autoethnography is an intentional choice. The space in-between also reflects the liminality of being Asian-Canadian. Beyond transitions or crossing over the space, it is the persistence of staying in this in-between where the “boundary is not necessarily just a line but can also be a EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 26 space with a density and dynamics of its own, following its own rules” (Achilles, 2015, p. 35). Figure #6 Liminality EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 27 Note: The liminal space between panels is no longer bound by its borders, and it follows its own rules This liminal space is not a set location, something with solid lines surrounding it, contained and separated from either side (see Fig. 6). Rather, the liminal identity space is summarized by Stenner (2021) as the self becoming an effect of experience, rather than the self existing first as a complete being. It is the experiences, relationships with others, and societal influence that mould the self. Something intangible like the liminal space can be better imagined with metaphors. As a method within A/R/Tography, metaphors become “both the process and the product of our inquiry, a means through which to entangle and then untangle our artist and research practices” (MacDonald & Moss, 2015, p. 448). Similar to comics, the medium is something that is not just viewed passively, but actively engaged in. In this case, the act of creating a metaphor can be the means of inquiry as well as the art to be interpreted. Something in nature akin to a liminal space would be a rhizome, where this part of the plant is often hidden underground with nodes holding the potential to start rooting and creating a whole new plant. As a metaphor for the liminal space in the hyphen of Asian-Canadian, a rhizome “suggests a smooth kind of interaction between members of a given culture, in which the main tenets are not dominion and hierarchy but equilibrium and circulation” (Brandt, 2017, p. 15). Thinking of real rhizomes such as ginger, it can stay dormant for extended periods of time, holding onto the energy and potential until the circumstances are right, and only then will a new set of roots and leaves shoot out. All it takes is the right conditions and a rhizome will spread out in waves, even if it means doing so in uncomfortable positions. I have seen this happen with the sunchokes my mother planted years ago that continued to thrive abundantly in soil choked with clay and tree roots, where many EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 28 other plants would have immense trouble taking root. The liminal nature of Asian-Canadian identity can also remain dormant and without much notice until such issues are brought into the light and start growing shoots of understanding and discussion. Another term within the topic of liminality is “Thirdspace”. Often, a binary perspective results in dualistic terms, such as objectivity/subjectivity or real world/imagined world – the difference between the two sides is clearly defined. Edward Soja coined the term Thirdspace, which works within multiplicity rather than binary, and “it is a purposefully tentative and flexible term that attempts to capture what is actually a constantly shifting and changing milieu of ideas, events, appearances, and meanings” (Soja, 2009, p. 50). Rather than making the choice between either this or that, Soja uses the Thirdspace to encourage the contemplation of both to include a multiplicity of perspectives such as race, class, and gender simultaneously. This Thirdspace can be viewed as a “meeting point, a hybrid place, where one can move beyond the existing borders. It is also a place of the marginal women and men, where old connections can be disturbed and new ones emerge” (Soja, 2009, p. 56). The Thirdspace of Asian-Canadian identity would be a space for both sides of the hyphen without being confined to either side. To see the full picture, we cannot ignore either side of the Thirdspace; “to understand the border, we must first understand what lies outside. For us, this is our practice: as researchers, and as artists” (MacDonald & Moss, 2015, p. 449). I have an image in my head of what it means to be Chinese and what it means to be Canadian, and much of it has been inspired by media from television to social media. To be Chinese-Canadian or Asian-Canadian is relatively new in comparison, and while it may not have the histories that either side has, identities are always evolving; it would make sense for a new identity to evolve over time. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 29 Anti-Racist Education Doing what is right and equitable requires a critical look at self and society; it is not easy to deviate from the norm, and one may be met with criticism or at least discomfort. It is often easier or even safer to remain silent, “but then after, after the silence, I have to deal with the guilt of not speaking” (Morsi, 2022, p. 511). The acknowledgement and confrontation of whiteness as a societal norm and goal is necessary as it is “democracy (which thrives on difference, participation, and dissent), and not race, that is supposed to unite us as a nation” (Leistyna, 2001, p. 453). However, I am against the idea of pointing fingers and guilt-tripping because it neither gets to the root cause of the issue nor provides any solution, but by teaching racism as “an idea that can be expressed through behaviors, institutions and cultures – we free them and ourselves to see things more accurately and with more openness to change” (Kernahan, 2019, n.p.). Kernahan (2019) claims that teaching about racism as an idea instead of a person’s innate state of being can then be “applied to the different levels of racism: individual, institutional and cultural” (n.p.). Racism taught in this way can be viewed in more real and close examples that students are likely to see rather than the binary opposites of either being racist or not. Additionally, racism often comes in the form of microaggressions rather than blatant racist exclamations or violence. One remark such as “wow, your English is so good for a Chinese person!” may not immediately do any harm, but “microaggressions, although subtle, can be more potent than active discrimination and far more detrimental because the slights are hard to address” (Smith, 2021, p. 5). If confronted, it is very easy to back up these microaggressions behind a wall of “it’s just a compliment!” or “I’m not racist, I have many [insert ethnicity here] friends!”; thus, the microaggressor leaves feeling justified and the microaggressed eventually learns to endure it silently, like a death by a thousand cuts. In the classroom, personal narratives can be memorable anecdotes as well as good bases for anti-racist education; while the narratives do not have to be teachers’ personal EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 30 experiences, delving into personal narratives provides a humanizing perspective to an otherwise daunting and faraway issue that could leave students with the feeling that it does not apply to them. To teach equitably and with purpose, educators cannot ignore the multicultural reality of Canada’s identity. Canada is a multicultural country that can be viewed as a metaphor of a mosaic – the concept of the Canadian Mosaic paints a picture of a “peaceful coexistence of various social and ethnic groups in Canada, as opposed to the American ‘melting pot’” (Brandt, 2017, p. 19) which assimilates every piece until they are all unrecognizable. The individual pieces of the Canadian mosaic in this metaphor would be separate and distinguishable, yet together create a bigger picture. These individual parts are autonomous and retain their identity while still belonging in the overall community. The problem that arises from remaining as individual parts for education is that teaching about the other can be harmful if done haphazardly. Without understanding the other cultures and perspectives, there is the chance that stereotyping, tokenization, and misrepresentation can happen even when the teacher has the best of intentions. According to Smith (2021), some actions teachers can take to mitigate these things from happening include Self Work (accepting other worldviews and acknowledging the Eurocentric framework of current education), Examining (asking questions of “what is taken for granted?”, seeking to decolonize curriculum/pedagogy), and Learning/Teaching about Colonization (historically contextualizing for students to understand/address the lingering effects of colonialism). In a way, we are all hyphens of something, as we are the culmination of our history and experiences. In an age of easily accessible information and interaction, it seems difficult not to be influenced by multiple identities. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 31 Summary of Chapter Three In this chapter, I explain the methodology and theoretical frameworks as a background when approaching my research. By using personal narratives through A/R/Tography and autoethnography research methodologies, nodal moments in my experiences as an Asian-Canadian educator are explored with consideration for the notions of liminality and my understanding of anti-racist education. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 32 CHAPTER FOUR Shading in the Details In this chapter, I draw from my personal experiences to use as a catalyst for discussion about the following issues: food/meals and the role of Home Economics, exploring the racialization of foods and how “home” can look different, and liminal identities in the classroom. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 33 Food and Mealtimes Figure #7 What’s for Lunch? EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 34 Note: 包包粥粥 “baobaozhouzhou” is cute way of saying steamed buns and congee that carried over from my preschool in China. My mom still calls it this to this day. Figure #8 Sneaking Lunch EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 35 Note: I will admit, the smell of baozi can be pretty strong! They did not have to say it smells like farts though… We all eat and have meals – food is one of the parts of life that have the potential to unite and connect people. On the other hand, if we focus too much on differences as a negative thing, food can have the opposite effect of dividing people. In the case of my “stinky” lunches as a child (see Fig. 7, 8 & 9), they felt more like a target on my back rather than interesting meals. To put salt in the wound, many foods that school age minorities were bullied for have now been gentrified enough that they can be viewed as posh fashionable foods in upscale restaurants, grocery stores, and social media. For example, social media has popularized tanghulu (糖葫芦), which directly translates to sugar gourd, and is traditionally a winter treat originating from Northern China made of hawthorn berries coated with a glossy crunchy candy coating. On social media, misinformation and Sinophobia tend to erase their Chinese background. Most of the videos make tanghulu with fruits such as strawberries and grapes, and have become an aesthetically pleasing novelty to post about – who would not like fruits covered in sugar? For many videos I have seen, the common assumption is that tanghulu is a Korean invention, which is another issue regarding the discrimination and idolization of specific Asian cultures. While it is common for foods to be altered as time goes by and they travel in popularity across different countries, a food with an obviously Chinese name should not have its background denied. This kind of small misinformation parallels the effects of racial microaggression mentioned in Chapter Three. On their own, such statements do not seem like much – easily shrugged off as a simple mistake, nothing to read meaning into. However, when compounded with the other minor assumptions regarding the whole category of Chinese food, the effect becomes generalizations that are difficult to change for generations. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 36 Figure #9 Adult Lunch Note: As an adult, I am still wary about bringing my “ethnic” food to work. I do want to be mindful of smell sensitivities which is why I take precautions. Thankfully, nobody has made rude comments after high school! The effects of food discrimination are more than just childhood shame, though just that is quite terrible on its own. Food discrimination can be inextricably tied to racism; a child may be regarded as a picky eater if they will not try kimchi because of the strong smell, but unaddressed, that child could grow up to love blue cheese but still thinks kimchi is gross, without ever examining the implications of why they think that. Of course, everyone has different preferences, and it does not always have to be deeper than “certain people prefer certain tastes and textures.” Occasionally, the racialization of food can become widespread enough that the general public could associate an entire group of people as disgusting or malicious. An example of historically racialized food is the use of monosodium glutamate (MSG) in Chinese food. Due to racist presumptions, MSG had a bad reputation for allegedly causing headaches and other health problems, which was labelled as “Chinese Restaurant Syndrome” in the 1960s, when many Chinese restaurants seasoned their food with MSG. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 37 Research since then has shown no clear link between MSG and adverse reactions (KnowMSG, 2022), and the headaches could have just come from generally being dehydrated after eating salty food. Ajinomoto, one well-known company that produces MSG, claims that since the World Health Organization has a target to reduce average salt intake by 30%, “the use of monosodium glutamate can be the key to reducing sodium content without sacrificing taste” (Ajinomoto, 2022). What was once seen as an unhealthy or even poisonous ingredient has now been proven to have potential in reducing sodium intake enough to be effective in health issues. However, seriously reducing sodium intake will need policy and education on the government level, otherwise all important changes will “become devolved to individual choice and responsibility” (Eriksson & Machin, 2020, p. 3), making these choices dividing and often moralized. The Role of Home Economics in Food Education Mycek et al. (2020) posit that healthy eating, while supposedly backed by scientific and expert evidence, is actually subjective, based on dominant white culture, and creates a standard of health and nutrition to portray the moral “‘good American,’ someone who takes responsibility for their own health” (p. 47). “American” can be replaced with other nationalities, but the heart of its meaning is that the discourse of healthy eating is moralized, and the responsibility fully depends on individuals. Since healthy eating is subjective, Home Economics education must be cognizant of the ideologies that inform their teaching about food. What is taught in schools can sometimes differ or conflict with what is taught at home, such as using Canada’s Food guide as the “right” way to eat (see Fig. 10). Judgements about dietary habits such as eating processed foods or eating too many carbohydrates show EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 38 disregard for culture and financial stability and feeds into individualism and can lead to shame and stigmatization rather than the enjoyment of food. Figure #10 Canada’s Food Guide EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 39 Note: I taped the Canada’s Food Guide poster up amongst my other prized posters in my childhood room. How can healthy eating be addressed in the context of Home Economics? One of the educational goals is for students to make healthy choices for themselves and their families. While the Canada Food Guide teaches children that it is ideal to eat proportional servings of grains, fruits/vegetables, proteins, and dairy every day, it may not be a realistic standard for every family and can cause feelings of guilt or shame for not meeting those criteria. For example, eating daily from the four food groups (vegetables/fruits, grains, dairy, and meat/alternatives) from the Canada Food Guide I learned in the early 2000s was touted to be factual in order to have a “healthy” and balanced diet, but multicultural diets or the financial burdens of consistently buy “healthy foods'' was not considered. As such, “The Canada Food Guide has been under intensifying scrutiny, for undue industry influence on content, confusing messages about serving sizes, and trying to use a ‘one size fits all’ approach in a diverse society, among other critiques” (Stevenson, 2019). The New Canada Food Guide from 2019 is a step towards a realistic view of food and nutrition for more Canadians. The original four food groups have been removed, replacing them with more general guidelines, such as “eat plenty of vegetables and fruits, whole grain foods and protein foods”, “choose protein foods that come from plants more often” and “limit highly processed foods. If you choose these foods, eat them less often and in small amounts” (Government of Canada, 2019). Taking more feedback from different groups, the New Canada Food Guide was “tested with a range of ages, household incomes, locations, education levels, and cultural backgrounds” (Government of Canada, 2019), though it is unclear how large of a sample size this research was conducted with and who the people reviewing this information are. For educators, “instead of basing nutrition education on pedagogical practices that emphasize EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 40 expert knowledge, as defined by academics and researchers, we should instead create programs that acknowledge and draw upon the expertise of community members” (Mycek et al., 2020, p. 59). The New Canada Food Guide can be a great resource for teachers to use as a scaffold rather than an airtight rule for healthy eating. While it is not perfect, it is a noticeable improvement from the days of the four food groups. However, a comprehensive food guide could still be improved with the inclusion of various Indigenous, immigrant, and socioeconomic voices, understanding the pleasures of eating, and questioning the dominance of expert scientific knowledge about “healthy” eating. This would make Canada’s Food Guide more useful for all Canadians. Utilizing the “Home” Throughout my teaching career, I gradually moved away from wanting to be an English teacher. The pressure of prejudice played a part, and it became exhausting to feel the need to apologetically explain my background. Regardless, bouncing around the school system as a substitute teacher between temporary contracts allowed me to experience a multitude of different classrooms. In high school, there was one subject that influenced many of my current day interests: Home Economics. My beliefs about what Home Economics education is came from a place of reflection about my family and my place in the world. My father always told me that the lessons learned at the dinner table are just as important as the lessons learned in the classroom. From my own experiences, I have seen the difference that family guidance and support can make in a person’s life. Health, habits, finances, and understanding others are all part of the lessons and values we absorb from our parents as we grow up. Without guidance and support in the family, the trivial differences compound over time and the gaps can become staggeringly wide into adulthood. Family support is the EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 41 foundation that determines a person’s values and worldview, so it is not something that can be overlooked in education. Values, social milieu, and governing laws can change depending on the time and place. Intersectionality cannot be ignored as “multiple forms of inequality and identity inter-relate in different contexts and over time” (Smith 2021, p. 7), and it is not a simple formula of x causes prejudice, so we must change to y. What was acceptable in the past does not automatically make it acceptable now, and what is acceptable now may no longer be good enough in the future. For change to happen, people first need to realize the reality of oppression and reflect on “who has the power, who benefits, and whose voices are omitted from our current industrialist/capitalist ways of being, thinking, and knowing” (Dupuis 2017). Education can be the starting point – the stone in the pond that starts the continuous ripples in generations to follow. Within one or more cultural contexts, the question to ask yourself is “what am I learning by examining my identities, power, privileges, and penalties?” (Hughes & Pennington, 2017, p. 4). We do not live in a vacuum, so multiple facets of our lives overlap, and all affect our identities. Ideally, Home Economics Education can be the dinner table that anchors children with a community of support and instils a solid foundation of values. Of course, there are limitations to how this could be implemented realistically. Does the school have funding for a Home Economics program? Will there be enough training and support for the Home Economics teacher to teach within a culturally inclusive, decolonizing pedagogy? Will there be parental approval? For now, if teachers understand the experiences of an Asian-Canadian educator and hybrid Canadian students in their classes, it could start the conversation about the ways in which we can practically apply this thinking in Home Economics education. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 42 Have You Eaten Yet? The Importance of Home Home Economics for me has always been about the home. Our homes may all look and function differently, but a home is where we all start. For me, home has the smell of tea and spices from last night’s dinner. A common phrase from Chinese parents is “你吃了吗?” which means “have you eaten yet?” (see Fig. 11). They could know for certain that I just came from lunch and still ask me this question as a greeting. Asking if someone has eaten yet shows care and love. If you truly have not eaten yet, rest assured – you will be full soon! EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 43 Figure #11 Have you eaten yet? EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 44 Note: Food has always been an integral part of my life. No matter the circumstances, food will be involved. My parents, following typical Chinese culture, had only started verbally communicating their love in recent years, so food was always a sure way of telling me they loved me in my childhood. If I were sick, there would always be congee with pickled vegetables for nursing an ill stomach or rock sugar pear soup for a cough. For my birthdays, I would always get noodles (a tradition where the length of the noodles represents your long life) and a birthday cake. These dishes were not complex, and I could eat the same dishes anywhere, but at home, these meals were sacred. Growing up, I have had countless family meals with friends of diverse backgrounds. While things like cutlery, ingredients, and decorations differed, one thing was common: genuine care and hospitality. When someone invites me into their home to eat a meal together, it is something universal and transcends cultures and languages. This is the kind of feeling I think Home Economics could strive towards, because Home Economics represents the world as our home (Vaines, 1997), even if everyone’s home looks different. If students cannot fit under the current single narrative of what a home looks like, then “teachers and students must bring together and extend the various activities and practices of these domains in a forward-looking third space” (Paris, 2012, p. 94), with the collective goal of sharing and connecting with others. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 45 Racism Exists, Visible or Invisible Figure #12 Dr. Wang’s wisdom Note: I used to argue with my dad about how unfair these rules he wanted me to follow were. After joining the workforce, I see now that he was being realistic. Race or ethnicity are visible parts of identity that cannot be hidden or left behind. The reality is that prejudice happens based on appearances. Many instances of racism are not EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 46 obviously visible, which is why my father always reminded me to contort myself within those harsh realities (see Fig. 12). However, by rejecting that social inequity happens, any culturally responsive or relevant progress is halted. For example, saying “I don’t see race” often comes from good intentions, but the result can still perpetuate racism. Even if an individual has never done anything overtly racist, bystanders are not free from responsibility. Staying silent in response to racism further perpetuates tolerance for injustice. Cathy Park Hong, in her essay collection Minor Feelings (2020), succinctly puts into words the dangers of shrugging off blame: “‘Well, I don’t see race’ - where I eclipses the seeing. Innocence is both a privilege and a cognitive handicap, a sheltered unknowingness that, once protracted into adulthood, hardens into entitlement” (p. 74). If it does not affect you personally, why should you get involved? However, this is not an isolated issue of “Me or You” – it is an issue of human rights. Ignoring injustice does not mean you committed the injustice, but if enough people ignore it, those perpetrators will feel enabled and comfortable with committing more heinous injustices. Like most small issues, with enough people, they compound into drastic changes. Rather than saying “I don’t see race,” I believe it would be more helpful to acknowledge that race/ethnicity exists, and due to historical, political, and social reasons, certain ethnicities experience more challenges in certain areas of life than others. To address issues, it is necessary to first admit that there are issues present. While there has been improvement with multicultural understanding and inclusion in the Canadian educational system, there are still many misunderstandings and microaggressions that can make it difficult to exist and thrive outside the Eurocentric norm. More work needs to be done at both the institutional and individual level regarding the decolonization of curriculum and intentionally checking biases. The problem with being the so-called “model minority”, which at first glance can seem like a compliment, is actually a “stereotype that first arrived in the 1960s [...] used to refer to Asians’ ability to earn social EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 47 mobility in the West while maintaining industrious, quiet and docile characteristics” (Mayuzumi, 2015, p. 282). This stereotype perpetuates a system that keeps traditional hierarchies in place and gives the illusion that staying quiet and working hard will result in acceptance and the ability to climb the social ladder, so there may be an unwillingness for many Asian-Canadians to speak out about experienced racism publicly. The problem is that supposedly positive stereotypes like this “represent a complex duality of favoritism and dehumanization [...] and uphold traditional power hierarchies in which certain groups are consistently disadvantaged” (Li, 2021, p. 22). For example, saying “all Chinese students are good at math” is not a compliment – it diminishes a student’s individual accomplishments, imposes unfair expectations for an entire ethnic group, and places unnecessary goalposts for others. Nobody wins in this situation. Joanna Hu wrote in the prelude to the recipe book, Chinese-ish, I prided myself on the years when I was the only Asian person in a friendship group. Being told, “I almost forgot you’re Asian!” was seen as a compliment. During those years, the Mandarin slowly seeped out of my body [...] I was functionally illiterate, with the vocabulary of a 5-year-old (2022, p. 15). Like Hu, I also experienced a childhood where I gradually lost my language capabilities and connection to my family’s culture. I was called a “banana” by my peers for being yellow on the outside and white on the inside, and this gave me a sense of accomplishment at the time. However, for immigrant students trying to fit in with their white peers, Regardless of how hard they try to assimilate, [they] will never be welcomed members of the dominant group. At best, they become bridge people; that is, they connect two conflicting/relational worlds but they belong to neither of them- the first often sees them as breaking the solidarity of the group in EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 48 struggle, and the other never wanted them in the first place, except to use them to their advantage (Leistyna, 2001, p. 442). It is natural for children to want to fit in with peers, but the cost of identity and culture is too steep. To be the “other” who must earn their way to even be considered baseline with the other “normal” kids shapes one’s identity for life. It is not just the adolescent struggles of fitting in or expressing oneself, but rather the unfair responsibility to represent and prove competence for an entire ethnic group. The deficit approach (Paris, 2012) where language, literacy, and cultural practices outside white, middle-class standards are viewed as lesser or inferior, may be the driving force that leads students to mould themselves to an outsider standard. For Morsi (2022), “a resentment born of being Othered produces in me conflicting desires. The desire to resist social science conventions and yet to belong to them. This is not as paradoxical as it may seem, [...] for to challenge whiteness beyond its breaking point is to lose access to the privilege” (p. 510). Like my dad’s wisdom, I cannot deny the benefits I have gained by contorting myself to fit within the allowable space that Caucasian standards have set. However, assimilation at the cost of leaving behind and even looking down on one’s background cannot be the end goal. If Canada is to be truly a multicultural mosaic that accepts cultures as they are, we cannot be satisfied with only condemning visible extreme racism. Liminal Identities in the Classroom While some students try to assimilate with their white peers, others feel more comfortable in a social clique of students with similar backgrounds. Growing up in-between cultures “is a confusing process of reconciling the aspects of each one that you find familiar and comforting with those you want to reject” (Kaul & Hu, 2022, p. 15), where staying EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 49 within comfort means social alienation at best and active racism at worst. When faced with a sink-or-swim attitude towards being a “true Canadian”, “in order to maintain their identity, students exposed to racist conditions often find or create spaces within the school context: language, clothing, style, behaviour, etc. that reinforce their solidarity with their communities” (Leistyna, 2001, p. 436), which can be interpreted as further withdrawing from embracing the Canadian narrative. Immigrant students who have their home language and culture deeply ingrained may feel more connected to those who “share a similar world-view, an ethnic consciousness - a peoplehood. [...] Ethnic consciousness is a consequence of or a response to the social conditions minority populations encounter once they migrate to a foreign country” (Aguirre & Baker, 1995, p. 24). This can transpire in settings like Chinatown or gravitating into cliques in schools. Those who remain tied to their cultural identity are faced with a double-edged sword – they may have a stronger sense of identity and community, but ironically become more visible to be targeted with tokenism and racial prejudice. A teacher may end up drawing conclusions about students based on their friend group or worse, based on stereotypes. For many, the easiest way to fit in and feel normal is to assimilate, or “fit into the box.” In Michelle Zauner’s autobiography, Crying in H Mart, she recalls this feeling of wanting to belong - “I had spent my adolescence trying to blend in with my peers in suburban America, and had come of age feeling like my belonging was something to prove. Something that was always in the hands of other people to be given and never my own to take, to decide which side I was on, whom I was allowed to align with. I could never be of both worlds, only half in and half out, waiting to be ejected at will by someone with greater claim than me. Someone whole” (2021). Zauner’s experience with feeling in-between identities has to do with her Korean-American background growing up with white peers. While my ethnicity and country I grew up in were different from Zauner’s, I still connected with her experiences EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 50 because I had felt the same emotions of being split between identities due to factors outside my control. Academically, the split between how students present themselves versus their real identity also affects the effectiveness and success of learning. For example, I have taught ELL students who could phonetically read sentences perfectly, but still had a below grade-level understanding of English. Perhaps a student can perform to the teacher’s standards, but “did not seem to be digging deeply into understanding the implications of what they were doing” (Davis-Manigaulte et al., 2006, p. 28). I also experienced this when I was learning English. I still remember my fourth-grade teacher telling me, “Don’t get cocky that you can read so fast when you can barely understand the words you’re reading” – I sure felt motivated to quickly improve my reading comprehension, even if it was mostly out of spite. In Singapore, the “Speak Good English” moment, which stated that students should speak ‘good’ standard English and not Singaporean English, appeared “to have a very clear idea of what ‘good’ and ‘bad’ English is” (Ahn & Delesclefs, 2020, p. 97). This made me wonder what would be preferable: a camouflaged accent, or deep understanding of the language? Would a camouflaged accent give enough of an advantage that deep understanding no longer matters, or would it just delay the consequences of putting on a mask that does not truly reflect one’s language understanding? What makes certain accents preferable over others? When I immigrated to Canada with my parents, the rule was to only speak English at school and only Mandarin at home. The idea behind this rule was so I could learn English without an accent from my peers and teachers, and at home I could still retain my ability to speak Mandarin. This strategy worked as my parents predicted, as I went through all my years of school with the perfectly camouflaged Canadian accent. As a child, I was proud of myself for sounding white and getting compliments like “wow, your English is very good! You don’t have an accent at all!” Reflecting on these comments, it makes me wonder what would have EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 51 happened if I practised English with my parents and picked up their Chinese accent? Since “implicitly, nativeness was what we were all supposed to be striving for, as impossible as that is” (Li, 2020, p. 69), there will always be some kind of prejudice, intentional or not, about the way someone speaks English. However, having no accent is entirely subjective. Every English-speaking country would assume theirs is the official way and everyone else has accents. Just like how everyone is the main character of their own stories, it is easy to think “I don’t have an accent, only others do.” EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 52 Figure #13 Everyone is the main character of their own story (Part 1) EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 53 Figure #14 Everyone is the main character of their own story (Part 2) EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 54 Note: I often wonder about the thoughts of strangers I see in public. Every one of them has a rich life full of unique experiences and perspectives. Some of them might wonder the same thing when they see me in public. In education, I believe a deep understanding of language and culture as well as a feeling of belonging matter more than appearing to fit in. While surface traits like accents and mannerisms make certain things like first meetings easier, they cannot replace deep understanding in the long term. Rather than trying to assimilate students of diverse cultures to surface standards, it might be worthwhile to emphasize reciprocal understanding. Summary of Chapter Four In this chapter, I homed in on a few key moments of my personal experience that highlight the following issues I have encountered in education: food/healthy eating and the role of Home Economics, the importance of family influence, the insidiousness of invisible racism, and liminal identities in the classroom. Through examining these nodal moments, I have explored wider implications in school and society, as well as my views on how they can be improved. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 55 CHAPTER FIVE Reflections Figure #15 Don’t call Canada stupid! EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 56 Note: I usually would not argue with an angry customer, but he called Canada a “stupid” country so many times I ended up talking back. I went on a rant about how having varying climates across Canada makes it challenging to have all kinds of produce year-round and the issue of natural foods versus processed foods. He ended up thanking me for an intelligent conversation! I would not usually call myself a patriot; that word holds a connotation of extremism and conservatism to me based on my view of American patriotism. However, it does irk me when someone insults Canada. Of course, every country has its shortcomings, some being much more detrimental than others. The freedom to even be able to criticize the shortcomings of a country is already a privilege. I truly am proud to be Canadian, and I like to remind myself of the freedoms and privileges I have because of that fact. Throughout this project, I have learned more about myself as a Canadian, the liminality of being Asian-Canadian, and how art has allowed me to delve into ideas I have not been able to express before. While I still do not have a definitive answer for what it means to be a Canadian, I know that being Asian-Canadian does not make me any less of a Canadian. When I first learned about A/R/Tography in the HEEL program, it seemed like a novel blend of artist, researchers and teachers, nothing like I have known before in terms of research. This was exciting for me since I am passionate about art and education, and this type of research is not exclusive to art teachers. Unfortunately, I felt like I could barely be called an artist at this point since I had been bogged down with some sort of artist’s block for the entirety of my twenties. I used to draw every day, and art was something that felt natural to me. At a certain point, art began to feel more like a burden. It could have been that the rose-tinted glasses of innocent youth had finally been taken off, or I could have just taken adulthood too seriously, but I started to see everything I do or make as a means to an end. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 57 Will art be able to financially sustain me as a career in adulthood? Will drawing be a useful skill down the line, or will it end up being a waste of time? Should I be doing something more productive like studying to improve my grades? Gradually, these inner questions made me slow down until I eventually stopped making art for a decade. From university until recently, I had only sporadically made any type of art. An occasional sketch here, a birthday card there; nothing compared to the frequency or intensity of what I was doing before. After all these years, I still have this nagging feeling of “What if this is a waste of time?” or “How can I turn this skill into a job or business?” For me, capitalism takes hold of my mind by not allowing me to fully enjoy any hobby without thinking about its financial implications, though other factors like family and culture influences my value in economic stability. Like fungi, capitalism can also spread its tendrils everywhere. These roots are hidden beneath the surface and unseen unless they are being sought after, but they spread much deeper than it seems. The type of fungus that capitalism reminds me of is the parasitic fungus Ophiocordyceps Unilateralis, which infects ants and controls their actions to move towards a location suitable for the fungus to thrive and spread, killing the ant in the process (Petruzzello, 2024, para. 2). EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 58 Figure #16 Capitalism as a parasitic fungus We all need to have enough money to meet our basic living needs, and art is a luxury. It can be a risky investment to dedicate your life to honing your craft and rely on the patronage of clients lest you become a starving artist. The good thing about modern freedoms is that we do not have to be only one thing. Being a teacher does not disqualify me from being an artist, and being an artist does not stop me from being a researcher. I may never “make it big” in my creative pursuits, but monetary gain and fame are not the only things that make these parts of my identity worthy. I have only recently started to realize that I want to continue being an artist, not because I would need to rely on that to feed myself, but as an integral part of my identity that I will continue improving upon and sharing inspiration with others. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 59 Regarding the search for a term to encapsulate the in-between nature of being Asian-Canadian, the term I first encountered was “Generation 1.5” from Marshall and Lee’s (2017) paper, “Chinese Students in Canadian Higher Education: A Case for Reining in Our Use of the Term ‘Generation 1.5’”. The term refers to those “who arrived in Canada during their schooling and who inhabit liminal spaces, living in two worlds, somewhere between first- and second-generation immigrant, but not necessarily stuck or lost between them” (Marshall & Lee, 2017, p. 137). This term can give the impression of not being whole, and to me, it does not accurately capture the feeling of being simultaneously part of both sides and not entirely belonging to either. A numerical metaphor that makes more sense to me would be the infinite possibilities between 0 and 1. This space holds infinite potential but can also be complex, intimidating, and invisible without further inspection. For me, liminality encapsulates this idea of infinite potential better. The liminality of being in-between is also integral to Home Economics education. The subject can be considered something in between an art and a science, as well as both. In schools, Home Economics has the potential to be the bridge that brings the community together. Rather than purely focusing on theories and traditional models of research in teacher education, a teacher’s experiential knowledge in early life and school all “shape a teacher’s personal practical knowledge and his or her classroom curriculum making” (Clandinin, 2019, p. 10), so by sharing the experiential knowledge between teachers, there could be more impact on a daily level in the classroom. Teachers, like students, are multifaceted and have lives full of unique experiences outside the classroom. By understanding teachers in a more complete picture through “inquiry into this interwoven nature of teachers’ [lives]” (Huber & Yeom, 2017, p. 7), the effects of agency spread out to the children, families, and communities through school interactions who can feel like their stories are also heard and respected. However, due to limitations in time and resources, the default in educational institutions will EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 60 be to upkeep the norm. Subverting the norm and considering the “other” takes tremendous effort and is often uncomfortable. Active reflection and accountability are what can make an extraordinary educator. Regarding culturally relevant pedagogy, recognizing the gap is a necessary first step. Educators can meet students halfway by creating a “culturally responsive [...] dynamic or synergistic relationship between home/community culture and school culture” (Ladson-Billings, 1995, p. 467) rather than merely assimilating student culture to mainstream culture. Rather than claiming to know another’s culture, teachers could integrate students’ cultures to support cultural competence of their communities while simultaneously offering access to dominant cultural competence (Paris & Alim, 2014). Knowledge and assumptions are formed through experience, not innate from birth. Prejudice halts dialogue, so as easy as assumptions are to make, they are part of what upholds an inequitable societal structure and make it difficult to critically reflect on whom that structure benefits. Since the start of the HEEL program, I have gone from substitute teacher to middle school English teacher to administrator at the Farmers’ Market. The original goal was to teach high school Home Economics in the public school system, but fate did not follow that path. I have struggled a lot with my own identity and job title, but I realize now that a title cannot take the teacher out of my identity, just as outsider comments cannot take the Canadian out of my identity. My experiences that made me who I am today are inextricably tied into my time as a teacher, and while I may no longer seek to be a classroom teacher, I still value education and I want to continue teaching regardless of where that teaching may happen. EXPLORING LIMINALITY IN THE LIFE OF AN ASIAN-CANADIAN EDUCATOR 61 Conclusion Education is the first step for informed choices. Educators have the most sway to inspire the most people to care about topics ranging from food, inclusive multicultural pedagogy, and speaking out about injustices. Only when enough people care about a topic, then the voices will be loud enough for noticeable change to happen on the institutional level. While the scope of my project focused on my personal narratives to explore the liminality of being an Asian-Canadian educator, this is only one perspective of many. Different backgrounds and ideologies do not have to be viewed as a competition for inferiority/superiority and trying to bend others to a narrow perspective; by “reconstructing and deconstructing our ideologies through the practice of critical thinking [...] and acknowledging the limit of human mental capacity to admit that we cannot know everything we think we can from one perspective” (Gillard, 2014, p. 70), we can move towards a reality of understanding, community, and mutual respect. As such, sharing different personal narratives of identity in relation to teaching can open the dialogue for further understanding and getting closer to a more equitable, multicultural standard. 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