"CONTENTdm"@en . "http://resolve.library.ubc.ca/cgi-bin/catsearch?bid=1229713"@en . "University Publications"@en . "2016-07-19"@en . "2003-09-30"@en . "https://open.library.ubc.ca/collections/the432/items/1.0000893/source.json"@en . "application/pdf"@en . " VOLUME SEVENTEEN ISSUE TWO\n30 September 2003\n'arty - adj: showily imitative of art or artists/\n- www.dictionarY.com\nGeese Mercilessly\nPound Bush\nFirst Lady \"unfamiliar\" with Bush pounding; Dubya cites poor border control\n(Washington DC, AP)\nIn an unprovoked attack Thursday, a\nflock of geese flying low to avoid radar\ndropped payload after payload of low-\nimpact projectiles onto US President G.W.\nBush as he spoke in a press conference. His\nimmediate response was \"Shit! What the\nhell is ongoing here?\" Subsequent swearing and splattering were captured on video\nas the surrounding film crews took advantage of the situation. \"This is worse than\nmy third grade Hooked on Phonics lesson,\" he was heard muttering.\nLater last week, the president's office had\nthis to say: \"We do not believe the attack\nwas warranted, nor that it was in retaliation for our recent change in [goose monitoring and hunting] policy. We will continue to allow good old American goose hunting four months out of the year, and no\namount of cowardly terrorist hit-and-run\ndroppings bombing will deter us.\"\nAs of yet, no suspects have been named,\nand the CIA and FBI are staying tight-\nlipped.\n\"We don't want to say whether or not we\nhave any information on the group responsible,\" CIA spokesperson Mike Gagger\nsaid, \"but we do have several leads and the\npublic has nothing to fear at all. We do, I\nrepeat we do have control over our skies.\"\nThe rumour mills have seething with stories of where the geese came from and\nwhat their purpose was. Some believe they\nwere a radical faction, urbanized geese\nthat, pulled out of their natural habitat and\nforced into an American lifestyle, realized\nthat their belief system wasn't compatible\nand went back to nature, leaving a political\nmessage in their wake. Others believe it is\na more serious cultural difference - that the\ngeese were only the forerunners of an\nonslaught. These pessimists have been\nforecasting a full scale invasion from the\nNorth, expecting Canadian geese to join\ntheir brethren in a massive wave of bombings as they descend under cover of winter.\nCanadian Geese, being under the Environmental Protection Act of Canada, have\nbeen known to proliferate at an unparalleled rate, with dense layers of droppings,\nknown to children as \"slip and slides\" all\nover national parks in Canada being a\ni love you mommy\ngood indicator.\nDespite this, Canadian Geese are still\nlooked upon as one of the national symbols\nof Canada, an icon of undying patriotism.\nRecent rumours have it that Prime Minister J. Chretien has approved a new \"Canadian Goose Patriotism Act\" along with a\nhefty budget for Canada (over $1000CDN).\nJC's office was unavailable for comment.\nWhen asked about recent events down in\nthe states, Canadian officials appeared\nnonplussed, stating that \"we're confident\nthat our good neighbours(sic) to the South\nwill judge us on an individual basis rather\nthan as a collective. We are each and every\none different, yet we all contribute to the\ncultural mosaic that...\" at which point our\nreporter drifted off from the communist,\nall-religions-and-races-are-equal drivel.\nA Pentagon memo leaked yesterday confirmed that there is ongoing surveillance of\nsuspected Canadians. Suspicious activities\nsuch as people registering for flight lessons\nor bird breeding classes are being carefully\nmonitored, and US Customs has been told\nto watch for excessive politeness and the\nuse of 'Y as a vowel.\neric tong 2003\neric@sensitivitycheck.com\nStudent\nTurnips, uh,\nTrips, uh,\nTriumphs\nover Cafeteria\n(Vancouver, Reuters)\nAfter dining for more than a month\nat the Totem cafeteria, first year\nstudent Todd W. Birkins has at last\ncome to accept the realities of campus Meal\nPlan dining. Leaving behind his high\nschool and its sub-par lunch menus while\nlooking forward to his stay at Totem Park,\nBirkins originally had high hopes for the\nuniversity's cuisine. Even the photos of\nsupposedly discoloured food to be served\nthat was presented in the various\nbrochures promoting campus housing did\nlittle to diminish his original expectations.\nHowever, those expectations were soon\nshattered after Birkins formally begun his\nstay at Totem Park, although he admits to\nhave harbored doubts even before then. \"I\nfirst got suspicious after seeing those same\nphotos online, when I was checking out the\nUBC homepage,\" said Birkins, while chow-\ning down on a plate of amorphous yellow\nblobs and frozen white sticks, \"I mean, I\ncan understand the pictures looking that\nway on a really old brochure, but photos\nstored on computers wouldn't fade like\nthat.\" By exposing himself to small doses\nover a period of weeks, Birkins says he has\nfinally built up a tolerance for the food he\nacquires through his Meal Plan. However,\nhe hints at the fact that not all the students\non his floor have been so lucky. \"Poor\nAlex,\" he muttered at one point, looking\nvisibly choked, \"that kid never did have\nthe stomach for this.\"\nThe university has been slow to respond\nto this and similar student accounts. UBC\nFood Services director Andrew Parr\ndefended the current operation of residential dining facilities, calling concerns over\nthe inadequate quality of cafeteria services\nas unfounded. \"The expectations from\nyounger students... is much higher than in\nthe past,\" he went on to say, adding that\nlatest figures collected by UBC Housing\nshows incidents of monthly food poisoning and cannibalism related student deaths\nare much lower compared to previous\nyears. \"[This year], the [quality of] food as\nwell is much greater,\" concluded Parr:\n\"Ever since we started buying everything\nfrom Pedro, paid in cash, it's been good.\"\nElections: Page 6\nSUS Updates: Page 10\nExec Reports: Page 11\nOktoberfest Page 12\nEndless Fun: Cover to Cover Page Two\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\n30 September 2003\nVolume Seventeen\nIssue Zwei\n30 September 2003\nEditors\nLana Rupp\nlerupp@interchange.ubc.ca\nDan Anderson\nAssistant Editors\nJulie Nguyen\nJay Garcia\nContributors\nEric Tong\nJo Krack\nDan Anderson\nJordana Laporte\nHoward Choy\nAndy Martin\nStephen Naphegyi\nJon Woodward\nCecilia ?\nCourtney Gee\nAlan Warkentin\nLana Rupp\nKristin Lyons\nSerena Siow\nKen Eng\nDan Yokom\nMariko Welch\nChris Zappavigna\nPatricia Lau\n'Brian MacLean'\nAnna-Marie Bueno\nThose Wacky Elections Candidates\nPrinted by\nCollege Printers, Vancouver, BC\nLegal Information 'n Stuff\nThe 432 is produced by a team of\ngenetically engineered and highly\ntrained monkeys in the Science\nUndergrad Lair in the Top Secret\nL.S. Klinck building. All views\nexpressed in this issue are strictly\nthose of the individual writers, and\nas such are not the responsibility of\nfhe 432, The Science Undergraduate Society, or the Faculty of Science. Writers and cartoonists are\nencouraged to submit their material to the 432. Submissions must\nmeet the requirements of making\nthe editor chuckle at least thrice,\nand contain the author's name and\ncontact information.\nWe would like to encourage reader\nfeedback. And remember: If you\nhaven't got anything nice to say,\nwe've probably heard it all before.\nContact us at: the432@hotmail.com\nPlease? I'm ever so lonely...\nLana's Editorial\nLana Rupp\nEditrix?\ns\n0 this is what it feels like to be editor.\n1 honestly didn't think my ass would\nhurt so much...\nFrom the chairs! Don't give me that look.\nSeriously, screw off.\nThat's pretty much what I've been telling\neverybody this week. My boss wasn't so\nimpressed and neither were those girl\nguides, but honestly, I'm just not in the\nmood, even if you do have cookies.\nThis week has been one of those odd ones.\nWell maybe not for you, but I'm betting\nnone of you were startled by a stranger of\nthe opposite sex retrieving his hair gel\nfrom your freezer first thing in the morning. No, there isn't an explanation for that,\nor if there is, I haven't gotten one yet.\nMaybe it's just me though. At one point\nthis week I was convinced that some sort of\nrift had occurred in the space time continuum. My palm pilot was displaying both\nof my Tuesday meetings separately and\nwithout conflict. Normally, this discovery\nwould be like a delightful shot of benadryl\ninto my histamine ravaged body, but this\ntime I was convinced that the palm was in\nerror and the conflict that I had believed in\nand dreaded for two weeks had to exist.\nBut yeah, after some careful investigation,\nI discovered that 4:30 does indeed come\nbefore 6pm and not 30 minutes after. Later\nthat day I was also shocked to discover that\nmy coffee was not so much inexplicably\nsalty in flavour. Now, if only someone\ncould explain to me how Sodium Chloride\ngot into the giant box labeled boldly 'salt.'\nThese discoveries and a host of others\n(equally embarrassing tales - like the time I\ntook 20 minutes to successfully toast a slice\nof bread), have somewhat shaken my usual\nconfidence level. Don't get me wrong, I still\nthink I'm the greatest thing since pet rocks-\nit's just that I'm just suffering from a little\nlow self esteem and intense dehydration.\nBeyond that several other symptoms of\neditor-dom have befallen me.\na) I have become exceptionally bitter and\ncynical.\nb) I haven't showered in errr.. well I'm not\nsure, but I think I remember what showering was like back in the day. Tell me running water still exists!\nc) I've started carrying a large bottle of\nVodka in my backpack and squirreling\naway liquor accessories in the SUS offices.\nd) My neglected school work is now displayed across my residence desk as a guilt\ntactic. But that's ok. I haven't been home\nin a couple of days.\nBut hey, it's all for a good cause right? I'm\nliving the dream. I'm going to get fame\nand recognition and sexual favors from\nsubservient yet attractive members of my\ngender of preference. I'm going to be held\nin the highest esteem amongst my peers\n(well as soon as I shower that is). I'm going\nto be big, a hit, a star! Right?\nI mean, I remember what's his name., the\ndude who edited last year. I think he had\nbrown or blonde hair. Seemed fairly cool.\nDon't see him much anymore. Then there\nwas Who'sit from my first year. He seemed\nawfully bitter. I guess it was a personal\nproblem or something. Maybe his dog\ndied or his mom left him? Ah who cares\nright?\nThe point is, often no one does. So here is\nyour mission, brave literate disciples! Go\nout and hug and editor. You see that wacky\nDan Anderson around, don't be afraid to\napproach him. Sure the wild eyes and\nuntamed facial hair may give you the\nimpression that he's a crazed lunatic (well\nalso talking to him will give you that\nimpression), but don't be timid. Give him a\npat on the back or a quick platonic hug (or\nnon-platonic... your choice really). Same\ngoes for ass. eds and editor and editrix\nalumni of our fair paper (Jay Garcia, Ben\nWarrington, Bree Baxter to name a few).\nAnd if you really want to show some\nappreciation and aren't terrified of arts-\nland, the Sauder SoB's, or geerville, I\nencourage you to wade into the vast wastelands known as Buchanan and the Cheeze\nand soon the brand new IFPO and cop a\nquick feel of those editorial demi-deities.\n/^COMING SOON!\n432 WRITERS WILL BE REWARDED! WRITE FOR US\n3 TIMES PER TERM AND RECIM A T-SHIRT!\nT-SHIRTS WILL ALSO AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!\nA\nActual T-shirt not quite as shown.\nColors may actually be present.\nClassic T-shirts and Baseball T's may also come into existence.\nThe 432 needs YOU!\nWriters, well-wishers, Editors-in-training and\nfollowers are cordially invited to join us in Klinck\n202 at 4:32pm, October 14, in the 2003rdyear of\nour Lord. __________________ ^afe^\nAfter our writer's meeting we will proceed to the\nnew home of The 432 in the Interfaculty Publishing\nOffice for BEvERages and good cheer! 30 September 2003\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\nPage Three\nCombine, form of...\nJordana Laporte\nSelf Imprisoned\nTwo years ago when I was in first year\nI created a club, constructively\nnamed \"Jordana's Cycling Club for a\nBetter World.\" Of course this was an exclusive club, as I was the only member. Since\nthose glory days of first year (single tear)\nthe club has been on many adventures, so\nmany in fact, that our team mascot, which\nhappens to be my lame-ass 9 year old bike,\nhas experienced some technical difficulties. Apparently, after nine years of bearing\nmy abuse and maltreatment my bike has\ndecided to break its spokes, crack its tires,\nwarp its rims and lose the function of its\nbrakes. The brakes thing has never been a\nproblem; I don't think my bike ever had\ngreat brakes to begin with. The back one\nworks conditionally, and the front one\nretired in the late 90's. I say my back brake\nworks conditionally because upon any\nkind of precipitation it takes a day off,\nwhile on clear days making a high-pitched\nsqueaking noise somewhere between the\nfrequency of nails on a chalkboard and that\nsound kids make when they don't get what\nthey want. Yes, I know, it's quite a pleasant\nsound and greatly appreciated by the people walking around me. Anyway, to the\npoint, my bike's dead, my wallet's empty,\nand I need a new pastime.\nWith Clubs Days in September I thought I\nmight be able to join another club, perhaps\none with two or even more members! But\nthere is so much I want to do and so little\ntime. Who has time to attend all the club\nmeetings, go to events and learn new\nthings with a rigorous science schedule?\nHonestly, who? So, I think that to accommodate those of us who seek new experiences but have a packed schedule certain\nclubs should amalgamate. Wouldn't it be\neasier to participate in two of your\nfavourite club choices simultaneously?\nNeed I ask? Luckily, I found some obvious\nchoices for club combinations.\nFirst, let me ask you, what's the worst\nthing about chess? Is it that it takes so\ndamn long to get through a game, so most\nbeginners like myself lose interest? Yes. So\na sound solution would be to speed up the\nmoves a bit. Why not throw in the Fencing\nClub for a good time. I bet they'd get\ncheckmates a lot quicker with a sword\nspearing them in the ribs.\nI'm a golfer, so the Golf Club is always an\ninterest for me. But to most people golf is\ndull. It needs to be spiced up a bit. Three\nwords: Wine Tasting Club. Everyone golfs\nbetter when a little tipsy anyway!\nThe Aqua Improv Society. I mean, while\nthey're underwater why not put on a\nshow? Improv's already hilarious, so the\nlaughs would go through the roof with\nthose dumb-looking suits on. Plus, there's\nthe added bonus of impressing the sharks.\nWe need them on our side.\nWhy should the Walking Robot Club limit\ntheir robots to just walking? It would be\nmuch more practical to watch them do\nKung Fu at the same time. Then someday\nthe robots could teach us how to do Kung\nFu, before they take over the world. At\nleast we'll have some kind of a defence\nagainst their hostile attack on mankind.\n\"Where are you headed little Billy?\" \"I'm\ngoing to debate the use of Alberta beef in\nUBC cafeterias.\" \"Sounds fun, but don't\nforget your paddle.\" Come on people, the\nTable Tennis Debate Team, do I have to\nspell it out? It makes sense to put two of\nthe most determined, passionate and stubborn clubs together. Admit it.\nAnd finally, the Ambassadors for Jesus\npre-Medical Society. Jesus healed people,\nMed students want to learn how. Enough\nsaid.\nWhy hasn't anyone thought of this before?\nI wonder - will I get some kind of an award\nfor my revolutionary thinking? There are\nmore combinations out there, so don't hesitate to ask your club reps for an amalgamation. Save time, but never at the expense\nof entertainment.\nThe Giant Rat wants you..\nTO VOTE in the\n$ ui ciccTion;\nMarsdale\nHoward Choy\nSelf Imprisoned\nI have never been one to do good deeds,\nsimply because I am a bad person, but\nsometimes the little angel on my shoulder just won't shut up so I'll do what it says\nfor the sake of peace and quiet.\nI was standing at the bus stop on Main\nand Terminal when this little girl came up\nto me and said, \"Hey mister, have you seen\nmy sheep?\"\nI stared at her for a second. She was wearing a bonnet. It was the middle of September, we were in the city, and this little girl\nwearing a bonnet was asking where her\nsheep were. I was scared she might start\ncrying, or start beating on me with her staff\nthing if I ignored her, so I answered. \"No, I\nhaven't.\"\n\"Are you sure? I mean, I saw them standing here just a second ago...\"\n\"I was standing here a second ago. I have\nbeen standing here for about five minutes\nnow, there haven't been any sheep alright?\nNow go look over there or something,\nyou're freakin' me out.\"\nI felt a little bad for mouthing off a little\nseven-year-old girl wearing a bonnet in the\nmiddle of the city, but seriously now, can\nyou blame me? What made it worse was\nthat she started crying. This was when the\nlittle angel dork appeared on my shoulder.\nIt had on a sarong-like gown with little\nhalos on it. He was holding a harp in one\nhand, and giving me the finger with the\nother. His name is Tom.\n\"Thou art an asshole\" said Tom.\nAlmost immediately after this was said,\nmy buddy Fred showed up on my left\nshoulder. He was naked except for a sock\nstrategically placed on... his left hand. He\nhad a cigar in his mouth, as usual, but as\nusual it wasn't lit. He was holding a pitchfork in his right hand and scratching his\nnether regions with it. Fred doesn't talk\nmuch, he just sort of shakes his head and\nit's usually enough for me.\nFred shook his head.\nTom gets really frustrated when Fred\nshows up because it doesn't take much for\nme to make up my mind in his favour, but\nthis time Tom seemed pretty pissed off. He\nstarted spewing off all this medieval jargon\nthat only old people would understand\nand Fred just shrugged and disappeared in\na puff of smoke.\n\"Dammit Fred, come back!... Fine! I'll look\nfor the stupid sheep you crazy asshole!\"\nI looked down on the little crying girl and\nshe looked up at me all teary-eyed and\nsaid, \"My sheep have left me, I'm a bad Bo-\nPeep.\"\n\"Yeah yeah whatever, let's go find the little\nfuckers.\"\nAnd with that, we were off on a journey to\nfind this girl's imaginary sheep. We looked\nhigh and low and left and right and North\nand South and then we ended up in an\nalley. She still had tears in her eyes and the\nrain had made her bonnet and puffy dress\nall dirty. She bent over in front of me to\ncheck under the garbage can (which I\nthought was absurd, but didn't dare say\nanything), she was about to fall over so I\ngrabbed onto the back of her dress to keep\nher from going headfirst into the wall\nwhen I heard footsteps behind me. I turned\naround just in time to see a police officer\ntake out a baton and take a swing at my\nface. My head snapped around and I lost\nmy balance and fell on the little girl. This\nseemed to really piss off the police officer\nso he pulled out his gun, pointed it at me\nand shouted, \"Hands off the girl, dirtbag!\"\nI stared in disbelief for a second, and then\nI understood. I started chuckling and said,\n\"Oh no officer, there's been a misunderstanding, I'm just looking for her sheep.\"\nFred showed up again, and shook his\nhead like a disappointed parent. Tom\nshowed up as well, with a guilty look on\nhis face. I started shouting, \"Tom, dude, tell\nthis guy I'm innocent!\"\nThat was when I was arrested. I never\nfound out what happened to the little girl,\nbut if I see her again, I will most definately\nkick her ass.\nWhen the little angel on my shoulder tells me\nto do something, I do it - but it's because otherwise it ends up leaving a 'present' that takes\nforever to wash up.\n-ed\nVote Online at the Student Service Center! Page Four\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\n30 September 2003\nTips for Staying Healthy this Year\nStephen Naphegyi\nPeeping Tom\nWell, it appears that another year of\nschool has begun here at UBC. I've been\nwaiting out the first few weeks in hope of\nsomebody discovering an error and sending us all back on summer vacation, like a\nvan full of professors with megaphones\ndriving by and yelling \"Go home you keeners! We don't want to go back yet either!\",\nbut I don't think it's coming (how would\nyou fit all the profs in one van? - engineers... ideas?). Anyhow, Lana has discovered me hiding away, and accosted me\nduring one of my labs, holding a large poking apparatus and saying \"write for me or\ndie, peon\". So, I decided that the former\nwas probably a little less uncomfortable\nthan being poked to death in Biosciences\n(stuffy, damp buildings and dead bodies\ndon't really go hand in hand, and I wouldn't want to be remembered for my posthumous stench).\n(Actually Stephen accosted me in my lab and\nhis girlfriend followed me around all yesterday.\nI'm thinking of getting a restraining order, -ed)\nLater, I saw an interesting patch on a student's backpack (obviously in Arts, as if\nScience students have time for such home-\nmaking activities), it said \"Save water,\nDon't wash\" and had a picture of a tap on\nit. This got me to thinking: could this person actually believe their own accessory?\nOr, moreover, are there people out there\nwho really do not wash their hands properly? The answer of course being yes (not\nabout the student's opinion, the washing\nthing, dork). I have always been aware of\nmen's poor reputation in that department,\nbut I had no idea just how bad it was until\nI began to pay attention.\nSo, being the scientist that I am, I went to\nthree different buildings, and counted ten\nguy's actions in each building, after their\ngoing to the washroom. The results were\nvery chilling, in the SUB, Woodward, and\nBuchanan, the ratio held at 8 of 10 guys\nneglecting sanitation (including one particularly nasty guy who ran his fingers\nthrough his hair, and then proceeded to\npick at his teeth with his unwashed finger).\nThen I began to ponder.... How is it that\npeople could consciously choose to not\nwash their hands after going to the washroom? Are they aware of what exactly they\nare doing? Then, as if in a dream, my mission dawned on me: tell them. So here I am\nwith Stephen's:\nTips for staying healthy this year\nWell, it's not so much \"tips\" as one tip, and\nit's more of a description of what people\nare doing wrong. Still, I'm being positive,\nso you can sod off if you don't approve of\nmy titling (or better yet, you can write an\narticle and make your own rules....kinda).\nNow, for the crux of this article, the ultimate message behind all this is: WASH\nYOUR FUCKING HANDS!!! If you go to\nthe washroom, and don't wash your hands,\nyou are spreading you own urine (or\nworse) everywhere. Although you may\nthink \"I didn't pee on my hands\", fact is\nthat it sprays when you flush a toilet, as\nwell when liquid hits liquid or solid, there\nis backsplash (you may be aware of this if\nyou've ever stood too close to your sister\nwhile unexpectedly soaking her with a\nwater gun - love that wide-eyed-cold-and-\nsurprised look). Am I the only one disgusted by this? Ever come out of the washroom\nand go get a bite to eat? You are eating\nyour own urine.\n(Urine, while unappetizing is completely sterile, -ed)\nIf you have ever thought \"I should probably wash my hands before eating\" after\nyou leave a lab, you've done a whole lot\nworse before (not that you should stop\nwashing your hands after leaving the lab,\nmmmmmm toluene). Maybe it's me, but\neating something I've just expelled from\nmy body doesn't sound too appealing.\nNow, for the ladies out there, you may be\nthinking \"I'm a girl, this doesn't apply to\nus\". Well, it just so happens that I sent my\ngirlfriend into the washroom to aid me in\nmy research. Guess what? You girls are just\nas guilty, and gross, as the men are (never\nthought I'd be able to say that). Sugar and\nspice my ass. I'm sure that some of you are\nalso thinking \"what is he talking about? I\nalways wash my hands, so does everyone\nelse I see\". So let me clear up some misconceptions about hand-washing. Running\nyour hands under water does not constitute washing your hands. Dipping your\nfingertips under water, believe it or not,\ndoesn't constitute washing your hands.\nAnd leaving the washroom doing nothing,\nand telling people that you washed your\nhands, is wrong for so many reasons.\nSo, here's how it works, since you all seem\nto be in need of a remedial class:\n1) Turn on tap\n2) Run hands under the water\n3) Get soap in hands\n4) Rub hands together\n5) Rinse\n6) Dry*\n* People tend to assume that you washed\nyour hands (although it appears now that\nthey are wrong), and this can throw them\noff if not done properly. So there you go,\nsix easy steps to staying healthy this year.\nVote in the SUS elections and we promise we'll stop calling your house.\nBecause Rants are Fun\nChing Ling Dong\nIdentity Crisis\nLike the actual population of Asians on\ncampus, these Asian \"societies\" are starting\nto scare me with the sheer number in existence. And they're aggresive too. No student with any recognizable Chinese definition is safe out in the open. Even then,\nescape is not guaranteed. Once I was wearing this black sweatshirt with the hood\npulled over my head and I swear to god\nthey could smell the rice in my blood.\nWalking between classes I ran into more of\ntheir recruitment booths than there is ass in\na hip hop video. They don't accept polite\nnods, mumbles of decline, or even the\nawkward attempt to glance away and keep\nwalking. Oh no, you can't just pretend you\ndidn't hear their honey sweet voices laced\nwith promises of adorable, Korean-imported stationary, because who can resist a fat,\nconstipated rabbit with a plunger adorning\nyour pencil case? Even as I plowed\nthrough the crowds to avoid eye contact\nthey could smell my fear, and I watched,\nhorrified, at the sad display of a girl desperately crashing into people in a futile\neffort to escape the barage of stuffed Sanrio\ncharacters raining down like bombs of\nplush incentative. I ask my Chinese brothers and sisters, is it really necessary to have\nso many clubs to satisfy every Asian\nstereotype? Or maybe I should just go and\ncatch Sars. And then trip on a coupon for\n30 cents off bubble tea and die.\nI don't know what you're complaining\nabout... I've always wanted to be a part of 18\ndifferent Chinese student societies... but alas,\nnot one has ever wanted me. *Sniff*\n-ed\nCourtney Gee\nMe Asian?\nI seriously didn't know Vancouver had so\nmany Asians, but I suppose that's because\nI went to high school in North Delta and\nnever saw any. I always thought I was the\nonly one. What happened to the days of\npeople wondering why my eyes are so\nsmall? (They're brown, too. \"Did you\nknow that people with brown eyes are full\nof shit?\" some blue-eyed girl once told me.\nI remember thinking that she was just stupid, but now I'm not so sure.) I miss being\nunique. Ah, to be recognized due to the\nsimple fact that I was Asian. I remember\ndoing a class activity in elementary school\nwhere we all brought in baby pictures and\nhad to guess which picture matched up\nwith which student. I was the only Asian\nkid in the class so it was awesome. At the\nend of the day some of the kids were crying because no one could guess whom they\nmatched with, and I remember thinking it\nwas really funny.\nDo all Asians really look the same? I think\nthey do because I have a hard time distinguishing between some of them (although\nthe fact that I can't tell the difference doesn't say much). Slightly depressing. I used\nto be the kid with the small eyes! The kid\nwith the straight black hair (it's actually\nbrown but everyone was too stupid to realize that) and the cute bangs! Now I'm just\nsome random Asian girl in the big crowd\nof other Asians who look identical. How\ncan I make myself different? I've thought\nabout changing my hair or something, but\nthat probably wouldn't help. Maybe the\nanswer is to shave it all off. Bet you'd\nremember me if I were bald. I dunno\nthough ... I kind of like my hair ... it's so ...\nstraight ...\nOne thing I've been wondering though.\nClub days have been going on in the SUB\nand there are masses of Asian clubs (the\ndifference between them? You're asking\nthe wrong Asian girl). I've seen members\nof these groups approach people and ask\nthem to join their club (for one low fee!).\nHow do these people decide whom to convince to join them? I don't know, but I've\nnever been asked to join any Asian club.\nWhy not? Am I not Asian enough for these\npeople? I have small eyes and straight hair,\nwhy don't you ask me to join your club? I'll\ntake a free Hello Kitty figurine to hang on\nmy doorknob! Just because I'm not culturally Asian doesn't mean I should be\nexcluded from such activities. Yeah I don't\nspeak any Chinese or know anything\nabout Chinese history. And I'm not good at\nmath or computers or physics... Heck, I\nonly recently found out I'm the year of the\noxen in Chinese astrology. Or maybe I'm\nthe rat. Let me go check.\nI have to admit that it's been a strange\ntransition, but that doesn't mean it's been\nbad. In fact, after being around them for\nthe first few weeks of school, I've decided\nthat Asians are cool. You can't help but like\nthem! They have good taste in food and\ncan help me with my math homework. In\nfact, I think I'll work at becoming a little\nmore Asian because it occurred to me that\nI should know something about my culture. Here I go: I am Canasian and damn\nproud of it! (Okay, that was really lame.\nYou have permission to shoot me.)\nNow, some reasons you may consider taking these quick, easy steps. Firstly, gentlemen, don't think for a second that your\nbeloved lady-friend is going to stick\naround if she finds out you willingly have\npiss on your hands, and have been holding\nhers. Secondly, gentlemen, don't think she\nwon't tell all of her friends, and they won't\ntell their friends, thus destroying your\nchances completely of acquiring a new\nlady-friend when she dumps your slovenly ass. Thirdly, for those of you I studied\nwhilst in Woodward, you're all med students, you of all people should be washing\nyour goddamn hands! You have even less\nof an excuse than everyone else! Lastly,\nladies, you will all lose your title of \"rulers\nof men\", since the men will realize that\nyou're just as nasty as them, and they will\nrevolt bloodily en masse, in a fit of beer\ninduced hysteria unbeknownst to any\nbefore.\nFinally, to clear something up, I am NOT\none of those prissy little, Michael-Jackson-\nweirdoes who carries around disinfectant\nand is deathly afraid of germs. I just feel\nthat it should be my choice as to whether\nor not I choose to ingest the fecal matter of\nothers when I am buying food, or whether\nor not I want pee all over my hands when I\nuse the computers at the library. So, in conclusion, wash your fucking hands or I will\ncome down there, drag you to Biosciences,\nand poke you to death with dissecting needles. Have a good year.\nTo report those in need of a good needle\npoking, just email me at snaphegyi@hot-\nmail.com.\nBurning bags of excrement and urine filled\nziploc baggies can be left in Stephen's Lab\ndrawer.\n-ed\nPeople stare at my underwear!\nI love furries, and I love balls!\nI propogate Asian stereotypes! 30 September 2003\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\nPage Five\nLizzie's McGuires\nJohn Woodward\nDuff Seeker\n\"I have lost a bet. That's why I'm here.\"\nBeneath the dimpled, fridge-sized close-up poster of\ntween sensation Hilary Duff, there is just a barely consistent front of patience and restraint on the cashier's face,\nand, hoping this is the last thing I say, she answers.\n\"It's ten minutes before the The Lizzie McGuire Movie\nstarts. Right now, you are the only one with a ticket.\"\n\"And you don\"t think that's the least bit creepy?\"\nShe looks down. \"Um. No. Please move on.\"\nI do. I made a bet on a Canucks game with my friends\nTim and Camille, with the exact bond yet to be specified -\na terrible mistake. Those two have a mean streak, and a\nmeaner sense of humour. My discomfort would, really, no\ntrouble, be their pleasure. I get the sense from them that\nthey would enjoy watching homeless people fight.\n\"We should make him do something.\" enjoined Camille.\n\"The punishment,\" (because all of a sudden it had become\na punishment), said Tim, \"is to watch The Lizzie McGuire\nMovie.\"\n\"Yes,\" agreed Camille, \"with no friends. Alone. In a\ntrenchcoat.\"\nLike the types that are sure to be there, the shifty ones\nwho must be the target of Disney's immense tween movie\nPR machine, churning out pictures of tumescent bulges\nand salacious gyrations designed to attract those more\ninterested in Lizzie's McGuires, or getting a taste of\nHilary's Duff. If it seems wrong, it is, but innocence\nentices: remember, this is a girl who has barely flirted with\nsexuality in her public image, unlike Britney Spears, who\nlet it crawl up her kilt. They will follow the plot, be\nentranced by her girlish bravado, think about which internet search engine will loot the most McGuire porn, and at\nthe end, overcome with sexually charged emotion, I'm\nworried that one of them will stand up and flash the\nscreen.\n\"And you have to get up once during the movie and flash\nthe screen,\" finishes Camille. With visions of prepubescent\ngirls fleeing at my approach, they cackle. I decide that I'll\nlook the part, but I won't be creepy. I'll make fun of them.\nI will subvert Tim and Camille's plans. I will amiably converse with children and the parents they drag, and will\napproach the shifty men with a tape recorder and a milk\ncarton, asking, \"Have you seen this girl?\"\nExcept the theatre is barren. There is not one person here.\nI numbly sink into my seat as the usual run of Disney previews of body-switching comedies parade across the\nscreen, and in shock I do not move as a movie I know I will\nhate begins.\nA synopsis: Lizzie, on her (junior) high school graduation,\ntravels with her class to Rome in an attempt to flee the\nmemories of clumsily messing up her graduation, the cool\ngirl who labeled her an \"outfit repeater\", and her scheming\nbrother, who has amassed a collection of embarrassing\nDuff footage that any trench coat-clad pederast would give\nhis leg for. For some quirky colour, McGuire's inner\nanguish is revealed by a cartoon version of McGuire that,\nunlike the actress herself, is suspiciously lacking in secondary sexual characteristics. Once in Rome, her astonishing resemblance to Italian pop star Isabella is discovered\nby Italian heartthrob Paulo, who himself bears an astonishing resemblance to Perfect Strangers' Balki Bartoko-\nmous. Romance develops (which is okay, because the\nmovie goes to great lengths to show he's only 17; we're not\nBritney here) until the appearance of the real, and very\njealous Isabella, also played by Duff. The music the pop\nduo sings is uplifting pop and not, as described by\nMcGuire's friend, \"dark, broody, deep pit of loneliness\nstuff, like Alanis Morissette.\"\nI thought that I would hate it. But something happened. I\nwas touched. The way only a 15-year-old girl can touch.\nForget the clothes. Forget the schmaltzy innocence. Forget\nthe scenes where lascivious dogs unravel the ravishing Ms\nDuff's dress, and focus on Lizzie herself. This movie is\ntruly a coming-of-age film. What girls want from trips to\nRome is independence and experience, adventures that\ncan be had, and friendships that grow stronger. Paulo, his\nsultry near-kisses and dialogue near misses (\"Yesterday\nmy life was duller/ Now everything is technicolour\" a\nBalki-ism, to be sure) are only distractions, a foil for the\ngrowth of the lovely McGuire from a girl to\" well, a girl.\nThis isn't Britney.\nAnd the subplots where McGuire and her best friend\nAdam Lambing share just one kiss under the fireworks in\nRome (oh, come on, you knew it was going to happen),\nwhere the cool boy is suddenly attracted to the cool girl\nbecause over spaghetti she admitted she had insecurities,\nand where Miss Ungermeyer, their domineering future\nprincipal with a voice like latex, eventually ends up under\nPaulo's former bodyguard Sergei? While I would have,\nshould have retched at the way these loose ends were\nsnipped, they are now pure serendipity, and I wouldn't\nhave it any other way. Something happens and I find this\ntween star undergoes a sparkling transformation. She\nbecomes charming, and across from Lambing's cute, awkward pompadour she effuses a percolating mix of girlish\nbravado and sensitivity. I want to sail from her ski-jump\nnose to nestle in her inviting dimples. I want more posters\nof her than could cover a thousand movie theatres, more\nfootage of Hilary Duff than her scheming younger brother. I will start with the internet. Oh, the internet. I stand in\napplause at the end, and my trenchcoat falls open at my\nsides.\n\"Checked the theatre yet?\" asks one theatre employee to\nanother after the show.\n\"No need,\" he replies, \"There was only one man there,\"\nand, snickering, they point to me. I am oblivious. I come\nout beaming positively glowing with the magic dust of\nthe fairytale story's fairytale ending. \"She was great,\" I\nexclaim to them, \"she was charming, she effused a percolating mix\" what I mean is, do you know when her TV\nshow is, or what upcoming movies she'll be in, or where I\ncan find pictures of her, like what internet search engine to\nuse?\"\nThe employees study me for a moment, and take one step\nback. \"Nice trenchcoat, buddy,\" one says, and edges away.\nVideo Maim Review\nDan Anderson\nUUDDLRLRBAS\nThis is the first, and probably only installment of the 432's guide to videogames.\nThe first because we couldn't find anything as exciting as Womb Raider before, and\nthe only because if the women's support office\nhears about this we probably won't be publishing anymore.\nYou start the game as Lara Cleft, a gorgeous\nbrunette with a passion for guns, whips, and\nthe fruit of other people's loins. She fights her\nsworn enemies, the Pro-Choice hordes, with\nher trademark double handguns, double\ncoathangers, and double-D knockout breasts.\nLiterally. Most games give you a standard axe\nor knife once you run out of ammo, but when\nLara runs out of bombs, bullets and hangers,\nshe uses her breasts as an extraordinarily effective melee weapon, often dispatching several\nenemies in quick succession a la Houston 500.\nThe game is pretty linear; you can't progress\nto the next stage until you've finished the one\nyou're on, although there are detours and extra\nareas that you can go into for advanced\nweapons and powerups, if you survive. The\nbonus levels in particular are well designed;\nthe bowling for babies stage with it's realistic\nbaby-head three-hole balls (it's ten-pin) is a\ngood game in it's own right, and there's a hidden eight-bit style side scroller in the Jungle\nlevel where you have to jump on gorillas and\ncollect coins and baby gorilla scalps.\nGraphically, the game is stunning. Lara is very\nwell rendered, and the skeletal models have\nclearly been thought out, from hipbone swaying to head bobbing to baby kicking all\naccounted for. The game plays suprisingly\nsmoothly; the game developers clearly knew\nwhat they were doing. The graphics engine is\nsmooth, the levels are virtual vistas rife with\ndetail, and the stolen babies are plentiful.\nOne thing the game lacks is a good help system. The manual that comes with it is sparse at\nbest, and some very useful things - like the\nability to supercharge a coathanger by heating\nit until it's red-hot, or the fact that every 100\nfetuses collected gains you a life - are impossible to discover except through trial and error.\nAnd really, after the first 50 fetuses, you get\ntired of the unrealistic grey and red lumps, and\nstart to wish that they had more of the extra-\npoint third terms, which double as grenades\nthat do a decent amount of splatter damage.\nThe weaponry is diverse enough, but the bigger guns - the AK47, the grenade/baby head\nlauncher, and the nerve gas traps - don't show\nup until late in the game, so earlier levels can\nbe frustrating.\nThe enemy Al is deep and complex, not just a\ntrivial shortest-path algorithm. Unfortunately,\nthis wasn't always well balanced. In the urban\nlevel in particular it becomes excruciatingly\ndifficult if they realize that you need to stop\nthem from killing the abortion doctors, as they\nseem to ignore your assaults in their single-\nminded desire to kill.\nThe enemies are diverse and dangerous; the\nBible Bashers in the easier levels are dispatched easily, although a muffled 'thump'\nbecomes an ominous sound when you've been\nhit over the head with a bible and their rhetoric\nenough times. Later on, the Victorians are a\nvicious threat with their dangerous banshee\nyells that can travel around corners and their\nunyielding attacks accompanied by screams of\n\"you immoral filth\" and \"prostitues and their\nillegitimate children are not humans but animals,\" which become a little repetitive.\nAll in all, the game is very well designed, the\nlevels are deep and immersive, the graphics\nare excellent, and the number of dead babies is\nmassive, resulting in excellent gameplay that\nwill give hours of enjoyment and is worth\nreplaying, if only to find the special items (the\nBaby Skull Necklace alone makes the game ten\ntimes more enjoyable). 8/10 overall. Page Six\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\n30 September 2003\nSUS Elections 2003:\nSUS Election Season is upon us! Voting will begin October 8th\nand run to the 14th. You can go to www.sus.ubc.ca and follow\nthe links to the voting page. Please take the time to get to\nknow the nominees and make sure your opinion is heard!\nVP Internal\nJoses Jain\nIn previous years, the VP Internal of SUS has played a\ncritical role in accomplishing the goal of serving students in the Faculty of Science. This year proves to be\none of the biggest challenges for the Council due to the\ninflux of new students in the Faculty. My previous roles\nas CSP President and SDS Peer Tutor have given me the\nmentorship, leadership, and organizational skills\nrequired to overcome the pressures of this challenge and\nensure a successful year. This year, let your Council be\nits strongest and serve you best. Elect Joses Jain as your\nVP Internal.\nGina Eom\nHello! I'm a second year Biochem student and I'm really\nexcited to run for VP Internal. My experience:\nCo-Chair of First Year Committee, SUS (02/03)\nAcademic Committee member, SUS\nImagine UBC Leader\nKillam Teaching Award selection committee member\nMath 100/180/102 Teaching Assistant\nExecutive member of the Heart Club and Red Cross\nI'm very friendly, cheerful, dedicated and outgoing. I'm\nlooking forward to leading this year's First Year Committee\nand Academic Committee, reaching out to first year students, and joining this year's executive team to run SUS business\nAndrew Rothbart\nMy name is Andrew Rothbart and I am asking you to\nlet me serve your undergraduate society as VP Internal.\nIf you elect me, I will fight to ensure that your Science\nSocial Space gets built as quickly as possible. I will fight\nagainst differential tuition for science students. I will\nfight to ensure that your undergraduate society acts\nwith transparency. Social events are important - if elected I will push for more events where science students\ncan destress, relax and unwind. My name is Andrew\nRothbart and if you elect me you will be electing experience, integrity, and commitment.\nReka Pataky\nI am an experienced and extremely involved SUS\ncouncilor, and I know VP Internal is the job for me! My\nexperience as a department rep and as a committee\nmember for everything from academic awards to social\nspace and public relations, make me an especially qualified candidate. I am organized, diligent, resourceful\nand keen to work for the exceptional Science students\nhere at UBC! Even now, as I compose my blurb, I'm sitting in my room in res nursing a mug of Neo-Citran\nand a box of tissues. But a cold won't slow me down.\nNo, no, my friends, I am the embodiment of eagerness!\nThe picture of passion! Vote for me!\nFirst Year Representative\nHarshbir (Ruban) Toor\nI have good experience in student service and have held\nimportant positions in this field. My previously held\npositions are: Elected student member of Vancouver\nSchool Board Planning Council (Sir Winston Churchill\nSecondary School 2002-2003); Member of the Students'\nCouncil of my previous high school.\nBesides these, my achievements include: Vancouver\nPolice volunteer team captain for the Celebration of\nLights on the English Bay, Volunteer of the year 2002,\nKhalsa Diwan Society, Vancouver and First place in Vancouver high school shot put competition.\nI will try my best to serve the students of UBC Science.\nJiyoungJun\nVote for me- all the cool people are doing it. It's not peer\npressure, just a bit of staunch persuasion holding reason. I'm already a member of the First Year Committee\nwhich is in charge of organizing wicked events for all\nfirst years! My position is the FYC Sports Representative\n- I organize sports events FYC enters to kick Arts/ Engineering/ etcetera, butt. I also volunteer tons, and am part\nof Heart, the newest Science Club that helps fund Heart\n& Stroke. I would love to get involved in more activities\nrelated to our faculty. So, please - VOTE ME IN!!\nJanice Duong\nHi! My name is Janice Duong and I'm enthusiastically\nrunning to be your 1st yr rep! I love the Canucks, jamming to jazz, meeting new people, and generally having\na good time. There are tonnes of things I would love to\ndo, including socials, tutorials, and making sure your\nvoice is heard on SUS! Most of all I want to work with all\nof you to ensure we succeed in Science and have a fun\ntime doing it! Say hi in the halls or email, littlepen-\nny_19@hotmail.com, with any questions. Vote Janice! - I\ncare and I work with a smile!\nYen-Wei Edward Chien\nHey wutzup!?! How ya froshees enjoyin' university?\nTuff stuff eh? All that hwk. Well, I'm Ed Chien n I'm run-\nnin' for First Year Rep for SUS. Y vote for me? Cuz I knoe\nhow u guyz feel. Like most of u, I have the whole science\nload too (Bio, Chem, Phys, Eng Math). N asidez from\ndoin' hwk all the time, I wanna have fun! Dun wanna fry\nmy brain studyin'. FUN is all bout relaxin', chillin',\nlaughin' it up, n just forgetting bout the work load by\nhavin' cool eventz ONLY for science froshees. Science is\nwhere da party's at!!!\nLiz Jung\nFellow First Year Science Students,\nDo you want a memorable first year? A fun filled,\neventful year? Representation by an intelligent,\nresourceful, energetic, organized person? If you\nanswered yes to any of the questions, then I'm your rep.\nI'm enthusiastic and I love being involved in school life.\nI have lots of experience from past leadership experiences and extracurricular activities. Ask anyone who\nknow me, and they'll tell you that I'm great at multitasking, and I always get the job done. If you care, vote\nfor the best person.\nMuxin Sun\nI would be a great 1st year representative. I am dedicated, hardworking and companionate. I also have many organizational and leadership experience in high school.\nI organized a debate club and I organized a math club as well. I was part of the student council for many years and fundraised for the Grad committee. I have volunteer\nat SMH hospital, worked as a tutor for in high school, and a volunteer councilor at\nBCIT. If I become 1st year science representative, I will stop at nothing to make sure\nthat the desires of first year science students are carried out.\nMay Fayien Yu\nHey everyone! It's me, May Yu! At this point, you've\nprobably been flooded by propaganda for the upcoming\nSUS elections, and either a) don't know who the heck\nthese people actually are, or, b) can't decide who to vote\nfor. Well, fear no more, for I, May Yu, am the BEST candidate for First Year Rep! [insert bright lights and snazzy\nmusic] I'm enthusiastic, I enjoy volunteering and, in\nhigh school, I was student council president. So, thanks\nfor reading, and don't forget to vote!\n(Also, in case you're wondering where I got my name,\nyep, my birthday's in May)\nVladimir Chio\nGreetings, I'm Vladimir (VLAD = Vigor, Leader,\nApproachable, Determined). My priority is to represent\nall first year science students in academic, social, and\npolitical aspects on SUS Council and act as liaison\nbetween students for SUS projects, such as the exciting\nnew Science Social Space, publications, and social events.\nI am recognized by the community for my work in the\nRichmond Cyberteens, Cyberseniors Program, and I've\nalso been involved in the Richmond Fencing Club as secretary, as well as editor of my school's yearbook last year.\nIf you have any questions, talk to me! 30 September 2003\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\nPage Seven\nElections Nominees\nFellow science geeks, I am a nucleus seeking for lots of\nawesome electrons like you. Now remember, there are\nother nucleuses out there trying to draw you, but\nbeware: they are highly unstable. I am more of the\nstrong and stable type, like the noble gases. My principle duty is to provide positive energy for you so that you\nstay happy in my orbitals. Together, we can create one\nincredibly amazing ... atom! Fellows, let me be your\nnucleus and you be my electrons and let all your worries\nvaporize (except lectures, homework, midterms, labs,\ntutorials and finals, of course).\nYenlinh Chung\nMy name is Yenlinh Chung. I'm running for SUS's First\nyear Rep position. Would you be content with a passive\nand stereotypical candidate or do you want a strong-\nwilled, energetic individual who can make things happen??!! I am an experienced leader, who has been\ninvolved extensively in various causes, for both students\nand our community. These include many years of dedication, actively supporting both school and student spirit, while promoting multiculturalism. I will strive to let\nyour voices, my fellow First Year Students, be heard in\nour campus!! Linh is PASSONATE. Linh is ACTION-\nORIENTED, and Linh is here FOR YOU!!!\nScience One Representative\nJaspreet Khangura\nVanja Alipahic\nHelen Cheung\nAshley Cook\nMeghan Ho\nCoordinated Science Rep\nGara Westwell Roper\nAre you a CSPer, wondering how to vote? Perhaps you'll\nbe enlightened by this short poetic note. Be sure to read\nit carefully; be sure that you will choose A rep who'll\nkeep you up to date on undergraduate news. Elect a representative - committed and respectful, Creative and\nhard-working, a leader not neglectful Of discussing and\npromoting your views to make them known, And contributing new ideas in a constructive tone. Experienced\nand cheerful, a representative with clout Amongst the\nscience undergrads - there really is no doubt She knows\ncollaboration makes the CSP connection: Vote for Clara\nWestwell-Roper in the SUS election!\nDavid (Minsang) Yoon\nHey CSPers! Although the Coordinated Science Program\nis a unique experience, I want to make this an even better\njourney that is more memorable and more fun for all of\nus. I will try my best to achieve this by voicing your concerns regarding events and services offered by the Science\nUndergraduate Society. Vise versa, I will keep you guys\ninformed with up-to-date information from weekly meetings. As for myself, I love being involved: from jazz band\nto dragonboat team to LINK leaders (equivalent to MUG\nleaders). This year, I am in the First Year Committee and\ncurrently preparing for longboat races with other CSPers!\nTony Yang\nAdelene Jingling Wong\nRavivarshney General Officer Continued\nGabriel Hung\nHey, my name is Gabriel Hung,\nI have been thinking of whAt I can do as your General\nOfficer, working for all you B.Sc. students, with my\nexperiencEs on SUS council as the Coordinated Science\nProgram Rep, And managing finances 4 First Year Committee as the co-treasurer, As well as being on the Academic, Social and Science Week Committees last year, I\nknow I can thrive in this position, Being a Science MUG\nleader this year allowed me to meet even more science\nstudents, I hope to represent each and every One of you\non council.\nChristina Wong\nHi all future scientists. My name is Christina Wong and\nI am running for the position of General Officer in this\nyear's SUS election. I am a second year science student\npursuing a career in Mcrobiology and Immunology.\nLast year, I participated in First Year Committee and\nhelped organize various events for first year science students. As a general officer, I would bring as many benefits as I can for my peers and I will do my best to ensure\nthat your experience in the Faculty of Science will be a\nmemorable one.\nAlex Chen\nVote for me, Alex, for SUS General Officer on October\n8th. Why? Because I'll create many more scholastic,\nsports and social events for all science students, giving\nyou the chance to improve your grades, get in shape and\nknow as many other science students as possible. I\nbelieve this friendship is the most important thing in the\nlong run. I'm not going to blab on anymore in this propaganda since everyone can talk the talk. However, I\npromise you, I will walk the walk.\nMike Long\nHi, my name is Mike Long, and I'm a 3rd year Cell Biology and Genetics major! I am running for the position of\nGeneral Officer in SUS. I have been involved with many\nSUS events in the past, such as being a member of the\nScience Week Planning Committee, where I coordinated\nScience Olympics. I am familiar with the council, and\nam currently on the SCI Team, where we plan activities\nspecifically for Science students. I have a genuine interest in promoting pride and enthusiasm amongst all Science undergraduates, and I will do my best to help\nmake this reality!\nShuo (Chris) Ii\nWell, my name is Chris Li, and I am running for General Officer of SUS. So, why would you vote me, you say?\nWell, frankly, I think I stand the best chance to control\nthe sheep that we call the \"rest of the world\". I say we\nmust utilize our larger than average size brains to make\nthis place the best place to be on earth. Together, we\nshall rule the world!!!! You know, from a nice and safe\ndistance. Plus, I smell nice, (vote for Chris!)\nGeneral Officer\nJustine Chan\nHey kids! Hope everyone's year started off great...I\nknow work must be piling up... it only gets better =) But\nno worries, live life for the moment right? Carpe Diem!!!\nSo you're thinkin, who is this crazy science kid quoting\nphilosophy? I'm JUSTINE CHAN, a 2nd year Microbi\nstudent who is passionate, but slightly crazy. In a nutshell, I want to be a part of your representation on SUS.\nWhy? I love people! Why vote for me? Let's see...I love\nto laugh (particularly at myself), I love life, and I love\nYOU...what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic. VOTE\nJUSTINE!\nSoniajalal\nElections Continued on Page 8 Page Eight\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\n30 September 2003\nSUS Elections\nGeneral Officer Continued (again) General Science Representative\nGordon Jung\nWhat's up science students, my name is Gordon Jung,\ncurrently an executive of BPP and UCS so my experience\nto be a General Officer is unquestionable. I would be\nlying if I claimed to be the best person as General Officer because all of my opponents, like myself, will do an\nawesome job and would help make the council a success. BUT why vote for Gordon? Because to me, General Officer is more than just another resume entry and\nmore than just an honor. It is a responsibility I want to\nfulfill, and I will definitely give it my all.\nCatherine Ho\nHi! My name is Catherine Ho! I'm an outgoing person\nwho likes long walks on the beach, candle-lit dinners,\nand...representing YOU on SUS as your General Officer!! Cat Ho for G.O.! (it rhymes!) I'm fun, approachable,\nenthusiastic, and full of crazy ideas! What's more is I\nhave plenty of experience from being on student council\nand exec for the past 4 years and organizing tons of\nevents! I want to represent YOU and make this year an\nincredible one! We'll put the \"cool\" back in school! =D\nOne more thing: canucks rule! So just remember that,\nCatherine Ho's the way to go!!!\nFrancis Moon\nHey all! As most of you know, there are 13 students\nrunning for this position and I'm fairly sure that the\nmajority of you don't really feel like reading all these\nblurbs. There are more important things in life right?\n(Beer anyone?) We all have midterms coming up, so let's\nkeep this short and to the point. If you want someone\nwho's enthusiastic, hardworking and someone who's\nwilling to get things done for you, this is your chance to\nmake a difference. After all, we are the best faculty at\nUBC and let's make it better! I need your support in\norder to make a difference! Vote Francis!\nJonathan Lam\nJon Lam I am: A mild-mannered UBC science student\nby day, a super-powered Ninja by night! Okay, maybe\nthat's not how it really is, I just dream about being a\nsuper-powered Ninja when I'm asleep. Anyway, by this\npoint if it isn't obvious why I should be your SUS General Officer, let me explain: I will make the most awe-\nsomest G.O. you may possibly have. Ever. I'm dedicated,\nreliable, enthusiastic, and sexy. You want fresh ideas,\ninexhaustible energy, and indefatigable charm? I'm your\nman. When I'm G.O., not only will I represent you, I'll\nhave a blast doing it too.\nWesley Ma\nWhy vote for Wes?\na) Cause I told you so. So there! b) You were threatened\nor blackmailed... ummm I mean strongly \"persuaded\" c)\nCause he's in third year biochem, meaning he's lived\nthrough the first two to tell the tale d) His wit, charm,\nand charisma (ok you can stop laughing now) e) He's\nobviously very modest, e) Because he now realizes referring to himself in third person is just plain creepy f) You\nwere guilted into it because you know me or know\nsomeone that knows me\nMichelle Wang\nMy name is Michelle Wang and I would be honored to\nbe your SUS General Officer. Having lived in different\ncountries, I'm good at communicating with people of\ndifferent backgrounds. Not afraid to make conversation,\nI always want people to feel comfortable around me. I'm\nalways ready to help anyone in need, unless it's with\norganic chemistry! I work diligently to make sure nothing gets left unresolved. As your General Officer, I will\nshare with you the skills I've acquired and also learn\nfrom everyone in this organization. If elected, I will represent Science undergraduate students, and vote with\nyour best interests in mind, to make SUS a more\napproachable and efficient body.\nLisa Liang\nWhy General Science Rep? Because I like Science in\nGeneral!! I was elected as the First Year Rep in SUS last\nyear and I sat on First Year, Science Week, and Academic Committee. Together as a team, we organized and\npromoted several events throughout the year. I have\nalso volunteered for Home for the Holidays program,\nhelped out in club events, and got involved on the Imagine Day - through which I developed leadership skills\nand made wonderful connections. I would love to represent YOU on council again this year. Love the Science\nStar - Vote for Lisa Liang!\nBiochemistry Representative\nAnthony So\nHURRAY!!! WE'RE GONNA GET A SCIENCE BUILDING!!! I was part of SUS council last year as the Computer Science Rep. (I wasn't in CS, but the position was\nunfilled, and the council was kind enough to elect me for\nit, Thanks Council!) . I was also the secretary of the Academic Committee, where I got to interview an award-\nwinning prof!!!. As you can tell, I have experience on\ncouncil and I'm enthusiastic! I'm in 2nd year Biochemistry and loving every bit of it\u00E2\u0080\u0094the students are so kind,\nwe're like a big family! =D Vote for Experience, Vote\nANTHONY SO!\nMark Chen\nHello, my name is Mark Chen and I am running for Biochemistry Department representative on the Science\nUndergraduate Society council. As a senior biochemistry student, I have a fair understanding of the biochemistry department at U.B.C. More importantly, however, I have an excellent understanding of all students\nenrolled in biochemistry courses. I will provide excellent representation for the biochemistry department and\nensure that my voice is heard on council when necessary.\nCindy Yung\nWhy Cindy? She's highly approachable and patient,\nwhen she's had enough sleep. She's a leader, but she\ndoesn't boss around. She's actively involved\u00E2\u0080\u0094she'll\nkeep you well informed. She's energetic, even when\nreading about electrons. Qualifications: SUS First Year\nCommittee Treasurer, MUG Leader, Parent orientations\nleader, Korea-UBC House Treasurer, International\nHouse volunteer/ Welcome Leader. Unlike certain food\nservices, she does cater to your needs! She doesn't yell,\nbut she'll be your voice. She might not understand\nphysics, but she understands you! So... Why not Cindy?\nBiology Representative\nKewan Aboulhosn\nIntegrated Sciences (ISP) Rep\nYuhung Li\nPharmacology/Physiology Rep\nMm Louie\nHi, my name's Kim Louie, and I'm running for Pharmacology and Physiology Representative for the Science Undergraduate SOciety. I am a Third yEar Pharmacology\nHonours student that is honest and wants to make this year better than the last,\ncheesy, yes, but true. Of course, I would never ever try to use anything unethical to\nwin votes. Subliminal messages would, just wouldn't be right... .Kim Louie Is naMe\nthat you can trust....\nJohn Juwon Park 30 September 2003\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\nPage Nine\nSUS Elections\nPhysics/Astronomy Rep\nGerald Li\nGreetings, fellow physicists! My name is Gerald Li\nand I'm running for Physics and Astronomy Department rep. I'm an experienced member of SUS, having\nsat on numerous SUS committees. Last year, I served\nyou as a General Officer and this year, I hope to continue to serve you as your Physics and Astronomy rep.\nAs your department rep, I will endeavour to be your\nvoice at SUS Council. I'll also keep you in the loop\nabout all the great things SUS is putting together\nthroughout the year. Make your vote count for dedication, responsibility, and experience!\nAndres Ruberg\nI'm Andres Ruberg, the Physics/Astronomy Department Representative from 2002/2003. In my capacity as\ndepartment rep last year I met with physics students\nand department officials and conveyed their information and opinions to council. I have been working with\nSUS since my first year and feel that I have committed\ntime and energy to Science Students on a consistent and\non-going basis throughout my UBC experience. Vote for\nAndres Ruberg and you will be voting for an experienced and organized individual who will address your\nconcerns in any way I am able.\nComputer Science Representative\nDan Anderson\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN PENIS SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN SATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nSATAN\nChemistry Representative\nDavid Riendl\nMicrobiology Representative\nGaiyMei\nLike no drugs are omnipotent for defeating every germ, I may not be perfect for this\njob. However, my microbiology background just qualifies me for it. The experience\nworking as a communicator and coordinator in hospitals, rehabilitation centers, and\nmany major events renders me not only a better communicating skills, but also a\nsense of humor, which really helps in an \"ennuyant\" situation. The final, last reason\nyou should bear in mind while voting for me is that if you give me the chance, I will\nbe your voice. Thank you.\nPlease Note:\nThe following positions will be elected in council (Council\nChambers in the SUB at 1 pm) on October 16th:\nGeography Dept. Rep\nEarth and Ocean Science Dept. Rep\nMath Dept. Rep\nPsychology Dept. Rep\nCome on out and be prepared to give us a short speech.\nInsert Here\nJo Krack\nWorships the Kitty\nWhew. Does anyone else feel like\nit's about time for winter vacation? I can't believe that we've\nonly been in school for a month now. As\nalways, each prof seems blissfully unaware\nthat their course is not the only one I'm taking, and assigns work accordingly. But\neven with a mountain of readings looming,\nand the knowledge that if I get any farther\nbehind there will be a landslide soon, I\nhave still been able to waste my precious\nthinking time on all sorts of fun issues.\nSuch as: the degree of sexual repression in\ncurrent Canadian/North American culture/society. In a seminar on psychoanalysis, we attempted to read Freud's Interpretation of Dreams, in which he proposes\nthat our suppressed wishes emerge in the\nform of dreams. Since Freud was writing in\nthe Victorian era (cover those seductive\ntable legs, people!), it's quite understandable that after a long day of pretending\nthey had no sexual organs, people went\nhome and had dreams filled with sensations of flying (flying = erection) and\nfalling (falling = becoming a \"fallen\nwoman\"). And of course some people had\nmuch more obvious dreams, such as wearing penis-hats. Yay, Victorian penis-hats!\n(If you haven't read some Freud yet, you\nreally should. Just a bit. It won't hurt, honest. It may screw you up a little, but probably no one will notice.)\nBut if we are supposedly much more open\nabout and accepting of sexuality today (we\nproudly display our table legs and our bra\nstraps), why do so many people continue\nto have very sexual dreams? Are we still\nrepressing our sexuality, or has our unconscious figured out that dreaming about\nthat hottie in psych class is the only hope in\nhell we have? Class discussion erupted on\nthis point, touching on the commercialization of sex (go on, look at a couple of ads...\nyou can't tell me the Telus bunnies don't do\nit for you!), and then moving on to the\nreconfiguring of sexual pressure: from\n\"don't even think about it until you're married, at which point do it grudgingly, for\nthe sake of the children\" to \"if you're not\nhaving ten orgasms a day, you're probably\nfrigid. Oh, but don't even think about taking off your clothes until you've gone to\nthe gym and solved that 'jiggling' problem\nof yours, honey!\" (It's actually quite sad\nhow many women feel the need to have a\n\"perfect body\" before they can have sex.\nWithout a bit of flab, what's he supposed to\ngrab on to? And don't bother applying too\nmuch makeup - that's the first to go, and\nmost guys tend to notice if you try to fix it\nup mid-intercourse.)\nBut even in the face of a sexually-active-\nand-proud-of-it movement (which is of\ncourse under continuous siege from the\nreligious right), adults are expected to find\na partner they can be monogamous with in\nthe end. If monogamy was humankind's\nnatural state, we wouldn't have to have so\nmany rules and pressures attempting to\nenforce it. There would be no affairs or\ninfidelity, because anyone in a relationship\nwould simply not want to have sex with\nanyone else. This, of course, is not the\ncase... although just because some people\nwould like to try every single person they\ncome into contact with (and when we consider how packed the 99 B-line gets, that's\nquite impressive!) does not mean that they\ncannot suppress their hormones and\nremain faithful (if your partner cries out\n\"oooh, guy in the striped sweater on the B-\nline!\" during sex, consider yourself lucky\nthat she's only fantasizing!). Mmmm... B-\nline orgies... What a way to up ridership...\nwe could possibly even convince some of\nthose blessed with BMWs from mommy\nand daddy to stop driving around campus\nmaking the rest of us jealous and just get\non the fucking bus already.\nAlthough university campuses are historically somewhat more liberal/open-minded than society at large (put a bunch of\nhorny co-eds in a room with a case of beer\nand suddenly that \"waiting for marriage\"\nthing seems pretty silly), there are still\nstrong anti-sex forces present. Case in\npoint: in a stall of one of the SUB's women's\nwashrooms, a girl had asked for advice\nabout her boyfriend. They'd been dating\nfor a year (high school sweethearts), but\nlately he was asking her why she didn't\nwant to have sex with him (both virgins).\nShe wanted to know what to do in such a\nscary situation. I would have asked her to\nexamine her motives for not wanting to\nhave sex: religious views, fear that it would\nmake her a \"slut\", not being ready emotionally for such a fundamental change in\nthe relationship, fear that he would dump\nher right after or tell all his friends, concern\nabout STDs/pregnancy, etc. There are plenty of good reasons to decide not to have\nsex, whether you're a virgin or not.\nThat said, there are plenty of good reasons\nto have sex, especially if you have a partner\nwho adores you and is willing to both\nteach you and learn with you. Anyway, the\nadvice this girl got consisted entirely of\nvariations on the theme: \"Respect yourself\nand dump him!\" Some of the remarks were\nfull of contempt for guys, and proclaimed\nthat all men think only with their cocks\nand must be punished for such depravity\nby withholding sex (women should never\nbe so undignified as to listen to their hormones). Dumping a guy because he wants\nonly sex and you want only talking and\nhand-holding is perfectly valid; dumping a\nguy because he wants to have sex and you\nequate this with him being a pervert is not.\nGuys generally want to have sex because it\nfeels good. Orgasms, yay! If women\nachieved them as easily as guys do right\nfrom the start, things would be a lot easier.\nPerhaps then female sexual activity wouldn't be seen as giving in to men, because\neveryone would know that girls enjoyed\nsex too. But sadly, the view that a woman\nwho has sex before marriage is degrading\nherself is still firmly held by some\nwomen... although for the most part they\nseem too timid to voice such opinions in\nsex-positive climates, and resort to nasty\nscrawls on bathroom walls. They can feel\nfree to email me, though!\nI can't get the image of a bus-orgy out of\nmy mind (which is not all bad, but definitely not all good - have you seen some of\nthe bus drivers?), so I think I'm going to\nhave to conclude here. Sexual repression\nand sexual attitudes at UBC, and in Canadian society in general... what do you\nthink? Should girls withhold sex because\nguys are dirty perverts for wanting it in the\nfirst place? And should girls who withhold\nreally be wearing low-rise tight jeans with\nvisible thongs? So email me at gim-\nmekrack@hotmail.com. Because replying\nto me is more fun than doing your homework!\n'MORE FUN THAN A BARREL OF PUREED MONKEYS' Page Ten\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\n30 September 2003\nA Summer in SUS: 2003\nDan Yokom\nEl Presidente\nWhile you were all out gallivanting\non the brilliant beaches and glorious mountains of British\nColumbia (or wherever you were allowed\nto escape to), the Science Undergraduate\nSociety was hard at work FOR YOU in the\nsomewhat less brilliant and quasi-glorious\nLeonard S. Klink Building. Here's a snippet\nof what went down:\nImagine\nOver 1600 fresh Science students were\nshipped in from high schools all over the\nworld and were treated to an amazing first\nday of university through Imagine UBC.\nSUS was introduced to them during the big\npep-talk in the morning which provided\nthem with the energy and enthusiasm to\nblow away all other faculties at the afternoon pep-rally. Blue balloons pounded\nand cheers soared as Science students once\nagain proved to have not only \"the Brains\"\nbut also the most tasteful and greatest spirit at UBC. (Also, the most blue balloons, -ed)\nInterfaculty Cup (IFC)\nThe SUS Council worked on the logistics\nand planning to revive an Old Skool tradition called the Interfaculty Cup. This one\nday event, scheduled for early Term 2, will\npit all UBC Undergraduate Societies\nagainst each other and a battle of athleticism, academia, and spirit. Experts are\nalready anticipating a Science sweep so\nmake sure you keep an eye out for your\nchance to get involved.\nSports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition 2003\nAlright, so maybe SUS didn't actually\nmake it in, but a Society can dream, can't\nthey? And our annual Jell-O wrestling\ncompetition isn't exactly low-profile.\nInterfaculty Publications Office\nOur Director of Publications, Lana Rupp,\nalong with representatives from other constituencies, has been working madly\ntowards the creation of a new Publications\nOffice. This new service is open to all student groups. Email her at lerupp@inter-\nchange.ubc.ca if your group would like to\ntake advantage of this with your next publication.\nScience Social Space\nFinally, and most importantly, is our work\ntowards the creation of a new Science Student Social Space. In early May SUS presented this idea to the President's Planning\nAdvisory Committee (PPAC). The members were ecstatic about it and promptly\nrecommended the project to go the next\nBoard of Governors (BOG) meeting.\nThe BOG approval process has 5 levels\nand in July we went to the meeting looking\nto get past the first level. The BOG members had lots of questions regarding the\nfinance and use of the space but in the end\nthey agreed with PPAC and voted to\napprove the concept of the Science Social\nSpace!! We have since been planning to get\npast the 2nd level which is the approval of\nthe project's budget.\nSo that was the SUS Summer, and we\nhope your summer was equally fun and\nproductive. Keep reading the 432 to hear\nabout the outcomes and further developments of all these issues.\nEspecially issues with scantily clad models.\n-ed\nAnd Now: A word from your RM\nKen Eng\nUnstable but Tidy\nI feel I should write for the 432, and,\nmore importantly, I want some hard\nliquor, so here goes... the Room Manager Report for September 2003.\nClogged Sink: We have a clogged sink. It\nwas clogged by an A-Hole with instant\nnoodles. I have already poured a whole\nbottle of Drano into it, and it is still\nclogged. 1st Lesson of the week : POUR\nINSTANT NOODLES INTO THE SINK,\nAND YOU GET A CLOGGED SINK.\nMssing coffee money : Money was in coffee cup. Money disappeared from coffee\ncup. Coffee costs money. So I have 2 solutions for that: 1) no more coffee, or 2)\ncharge it towards your student fees...\nhmmm... caffeine... 2nd Lesson of the\nweek: STOP STEALING FROM YOUR\nOWN POCKETS. I HAVE DRANO...\nSince we're on the topic of missing\nthings... Mssing whiteboard pens: They\njust seem to disappear. We really need to\nseal up those holes underneath the boards\nbefore they fill up with whiteboard pens.\n3rd Lesson of the week : FLOORS WITH\nHOLES IN THEM ARE DEATH TRAPS,\nSTAY AWAY FROM THEM OR DON'T.\nYOUR CHOICE.\nPrinting : Once again, it amazes me that\npeople will print out 10, 20, 30-plus pages\nof notes to read, yet fail to read the sign\nabove the public computers. They clearly\nstate that \"If you print course notes, we will\ncharge you $0.25 a page.\" Please, I don't\nfeel like going up to you and charging you;\nnor do you want me to do that in front of\neveryone at SUS. 4th Lesson of the week :\nREAD THE BLOODY POSTS, SMARTEN\nUP, AND STOP STRESSING OUT YOUR\nROOM MANAGER... OR ELSE!\nH20 : This is a given... We are only getting\n9 bottles of water a week, and they arrive\nevery Wednesday. If we run out of water,\nI'm not ordering more. 5th Lesson of the\nweek : DRANO IS NOT AN ADEQUATE\nSUBSTITUTE FOR WATER.\nRoom Sanitation: SUS is getting dirty and\nfilled with garbage. Please dispose of your\nown trash. I may sound like them, but I am\nnot your parents. Please clean up your own\nmess. 6th Lesson of the Week: IF YOU\nLEAVE A MESSY ROOM, YOU WILL\nRETURN TO A MESSY ROOM AND A\nHOMICIDAL ROOM MANAGER.\nAnd now that my rant is done and I'm not\nactually going to hurt you or myself, lets\nreport on something a bit more fun.\nRemember that we have Batman showings\n(courtesy of Eric, the other Room Manager)\nevery MWF @ 11am. We also have random\nmovie showings (courtesy of Patrick) every\nTuesday and Thursday @ about 11am. The\nphotocopy coin-box does not like anyone,\nso shout \"photocopy\" and someone should\ncome by to unlock the photocopier for you.\nNote : it still costs $0.05 a page.\n[shameless plug] Remember Oktoberfest\non Friday October 3rd!!! [/shameless plug].\nSUS is located at LSK 202. \"Come one,\ncome all.\" We're here to make you happy!\nHave fun\nKen (RM)\nKen's only 90% as scary as this article makes\nhim out to be. The lesson in this is: if you give\na guy enough power and crack you'd better\nnot give him the keys to your office too.\n-ed\nComing\n^Attractions\nOctober 1\nPre-Dent: UBC Admissions Day\nOctober 2\n1pm: SUS Council\n4pm: Cocoa BPSS (Henn 318)\nOctober 3\n5pm: BPP Icebreaker Wood\nG41,42\nOctober 5\n9am: Run for the Cure (ISSA)\nOctober 8\nPre-Dent: Kaplan Info Session\nOctober 9\n1pm: SUS Council\nOctober 15\nPre-Dent: DAT tutorial #1\nOctober IE\n1pm: SUS Council\nOctober 17-19\nIdUl G^crtMifi\nOctober 22\nPre-Dent: DAT tutorial #2\nOctober 23\n1pm: SUS Council\nOctober 29\nPre-Dent: Mock DAT\nOctober 30\n1pm: SUS Council\nAMS Happenings\nAlan Warkentin\nAMS-hole\nThe AMS meeting of September 24th\nwas a unique one. A couple of councilors are involved in a documentary\nabout UBC students and as such, we had a\nvideo crew in the meeting to film them\n(and us!) in action. It was a fairly important\ncouncil meeting as we discussed such\nissues as the Travel Cuts lawsuit, the\nAMS/GSS Health Plan, and some code\nchanges regarding committee structure.\nThe AMS has hired a new Elections\nAdministrator, Christine Tai, who is the\n\"middle-man\" person for all the con\nstituency and AMS elections. The\nAMS/GSS Heath Plan has proved so successful that the policy was losing money.\nThus, the AMS has written up a survey to\nfind out what benefits people need the\nmost so they can balance the plan for next\nyear. The survey will be available from SUS\nfor you to fill out.\nThe AMS website is being revamped and\nshould be up and running fairly soon (end\nof October). It is designed to be much more\n\"user friendly\" for people who aren't very\naware of what the AMS does or how it\noperates.\nThe Travel Cuts Lawsuit was discussed in\ncamera, and it was decided by council that\nit would be more beneficial for the society\nif we were to not withdraw from the lawsuit for the time being. 30 September 2003\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\nPage Eleven\nThe Drawers of SUS\nDan Yokom\nPresident\nSo here is what is happening on my\nfront these days: Elections! Our fall\ndepartment/year elections are coming\nup really soon. Voting takes place Wednesday, 8 October through Tuesday 14 October 2003. Do not take your right to vote for\ngranted. The people that get elected into\nSUS Council are representing YOU so have\nyour voice heard for who will represent\nyou. Voting will take place online, please\ngo to www.sus.ubc.ca for more informa\ntion or to the Student Service Centre to\nvote.\nSocial Space: Unfortunately we have not\nconfirmed a donor for the new social space\nalthough progress is being made. This\nmeans that we will not be able to pass the\nsecond Board requirement in October nor\ncontinue to finalize the design. BUT this\ndoes mean that we are still collecting the\nSocial Space Surveys, please go to\nwww.sus.ubc.ca to fill one out and let us\nknow what you want!\nEveryone have an awesome couple of\nweeks. I hope to see you out at Oktoberfest. Dan.\nPatricia Lau\nVP External\nHello everyone, I hope you all had a\ngreat summer and are now getting\nback into the swing of things at\nschool. I'm just going to let you all know a\nlittle bit about what's going on in my part\nof the SUS world. You might not know this,\nbut SUS runs a huge multi-day event\ncalled Science Week during the last of January, this year it is January 26-30, 2004. The\norganization, planning and running of this\ngreat fun filled week comes under my\nportfolio so, after reading my handy\ndandy little explanation here, if you are\ninterested in helping out in any capacity\nemail me at pwlau@interchange.ubc.ca.\nScience Week is a week full of both Science-\ny related things, and some things related to\nScience only in name. All of the SUS clubs\nare required to run an event so there are\nmany many many different things to do\nand see. For example, last year there was a\ncheese-making session (MISA), a movie\nnight (ISSA), a pancake breakfast, an AIMS\nlecture and two magic shows (UCS), just to\nname a few.\nSUS also runs fun fun events that also\nraise money for a particular charity. Some\nhighlights from last year were a Keynote\nSpeaker address, Jello Wrestling (one of\nthose events related to Science only in\nname, but not really - at least the Jello is\nScience BLUE!), Science Olympics (ah, now\nthis one is a Science related thing only in\nname), Professor/Student Talent Shows,\nand how could we forget: good old COLD\nFUSION (a huge concert bash to round out\nthe week put on by our fantastic Social\nCoordinator Anna-Marie Bueno). One of\nthe most useful events for first year stu\ndents is the Beyond First Year forum that is\nput on in conjunction with the Faculty of\nScience. Anyway if you are at all interested\nin getting involved with Science Week,\nwhether it is making and designing\nposters, organizing events (and thinking of\nnew more exciting ones), volunteering at\nevents, making 600 Litres of blue Jello or\nwhatnot, email me (again, at pwlau@inter-\nchange.ubc.ca) and I'll let you know when\nthe committee meets and what the commitment levels are (there are many different levels mind you, so come one, come\nall).\nThere will definitely be more on this later,\nso don't worry I won't let you forget about\nScience Week.\nA few other things that are not related to\nScience Week: there will be a meeting on\nOctober 9, 2003 at 5pm (tentatively scheduled to be in LSK 200) SUS club execs\n(presidents, SUS reps, social coordinators,\npublication people) and as many of the\nSUS exec can make it (hopefully a lot). This\nmeeting is meant to improve communication between clubs and SUS and to talk\nabout all the collaborating that will be happening between the different organizations\nall year long.\nAnd last things last, I've been attending\nAMS meetings all summer long. Ah, it's so\ngood camping out in SUB 206 for five\nhours at a time. Anyway, I believe there is\nan AMS report in this newspaper somewhere, but if you have any questions about\nanything AMS related feel free to ask me.\nOkay, well that's definitely enough from\nme. If you have any comments, questions,\netc. for me, you can email me or come see\nme in my office hours on Mondays from 3-\n5pm in LSK 202. Have fun partying, studying, procrastinating or whatever you are\ndoing. Talk to you all later.\nBrian MacLean\nVP Internal\nHola! Howdy and Hi! As you read\nthis paper, I encourage you to pay\nspecial attention to the elections\npages and make sure you come out and\nVOTE! There are some stellar candidates\nfor many of the positions, especially the VP\nInternal. Read the blurbs, meet the candidates, ask questions and then vote online\nand make sure your voice is heard.\nIn other news, the First Year Committee is\noff to a great start this year. Elections were\nheld this month and we have a great team.\nAny first year student wishing to join is\nencouraged to come out Wednesday at\n5pm to Klinck 202.\nThat said, this exec report carries a bit of\nsadness with it, as it will be my last exec\nreport for the time being. I wish you all the\nbest and may you have a tremendous year.\nWatch this space for a brand new name\nand face next month!\nAlan Warkentin\nD. of Finance\nWohoo, my first exec report for The\n432! There isn't that much happening on the financial front, student fees won't be deposited into our\naccount till the end of October and as we\nhaven't spent a huge amount of money yet,\nthere isn't much to report. The biggest\nthing is the Whistler Retreat that is coming\nup on October 17th to 19th. Make sure you\ncome as it is a important conference/meeting were you get to know all the exec and\nthings like parliamentary procedure, budget processes ect. If you or your club would\nlike to set up a copy account in the SUS\noffice, please talk to me. The minimum cost\nfor an account is 100 copies for $5.00.\nAs you may or may not know, I am also\nthis terms Elections Commissioner and\nthat is in full swing. The All-Candidates\nmeeting happened on September 26th and\nwe have a good turnout of people wanting\nto get involved in SUS this year (which is\nalways a good thing!).\nThat's it from the bank vault, have a good\nweek and see you all soon!\nAlan just wants a bunch of people to show up\nat Whistler so he can charge them $100 each\nto sleep in his car. On top of each other. With\nthe heat off. The retreat is for SUS councillors\nand (very) determined crashers only.\n-ed\nAnna-Marie Bueno\nSocial Co-ordinator\nI'm going to keep this short because 1)\nthere's not enough room and 2) my\nbrain is much too tired for this to go on\nfor very long. Basically, the social committee's work is well underway. Things are\nlooking good for this Friday's BZZR garden, OKTOBERFEST. I hope to see many of\nyour lovely faces there. So that's this Friday, October 3rd in the SUB Party Room\nfrom 7 pm to 11 pm. We'll be having a BBQ\noutside in the courtyard so you can have a\nhearty BBQ dinner and we'll also be having\nlive music. YAY! Okay, that's it for\nnow...short eh? am\nSerena Siow\nH\nSecretary\ni everyone! Well, it's been a busy 3\nweeks of school thus far, and the\nyear has just begun. I hope that\nmost of ya'll have had the time to check out\nthe science clubs during Clubs Days (yes\nsupport the SUS clubs!).\nAlso, with SUS Council up and running,\nwe've finally been able to schedule office\nhours to keep the SUS Lounge open more\nregularly. This is for your benefit, so use it!\nAlong with services like microwaves,\ncheap photocopies, and computers, there\nare always cool people around to chat with\nand just chill out after those intense three\nhour labs.\nElections are coming up pretty soon so\ncheck out the profiles of the candidates and\nmake sure you have a say in who will be\nrepresenting you! On the sustainability\nfront, the first training session will be held\nnext week, so I'll keep ya'll posted after\nthat. The most exciting event so far is the\nupcoming social event: Oktoberfest! By the\nlooks of the planning so far, it'll be amazingly spectacular and tons of fun. See ya'll.\nMariko Welch\nPublic Relations\nHey Guys! Wow - that time of year\nagain. Somehow between the first\nweek rush of BBQs and Bzzrs, and\nthe third week realization that mid-terms\nstart in 7 days and you have yet to remove\nthe shrink wrap from your textbooks...\nhopefully most of you guys had a chance\nto meet some cool first years (and if you are\na first year, hopefully you met some cool\nolder SUSers!). If your reading this, you\nobviously checked out the fabulous 432,\nperhaps even a council meeting so I'm\nassuming that you're all aware of what\nSUS is up to, elections for General Officer\npositions and all! In any case... I guess\nwhat I'm trying to get at is that school is in\nfull swing now, and hopefully we'll see\nyou around at the fun, busy events that\nSUS exec and council are in the midst of\nplanning! There is no better time than the\npresent to become part of that planning\nprocess and ensure that SUS events are the\nbest events on campus!\nFrom a PR standpoint - the Annual KISS\nTHE PIG fundraiser, with all proceeds\ngoing to the Canadian Gene Cure Foundation, is soon coming up! I'm planning on\nstarting up the PR Committee in a few\nweeks, so please email me if you'd like to\nget involved! Come on now! What better\nway to get involved, volunteer, and raise\nfunds for charity then to help organize an\nevent that'll get your favorite Prof snogging with a hog!?\nMariko: mpwelch@interchange.ubc.ca\nLana Rupp\nD. of Publications\nHello darkness my old friend. I'm\nstuck in the SUS office alone again.\nBut I wouldn't be if I had some\nwriters and editors along for the ride! Why\ngosh, it'd be sweet. I'd feed them and love\nthem and give them alcohol and pad their\negos. Get what I'm saying folks? That's\nright! If you come in to the SUS office in\nKlinck 202 or in days to come, the Interfac-\nulty Publishing Office (IFPO) in the base\nment of the SUB... I'll feed you and love\nyou and give you alcohol and pad your\nego.\nThe next issue of The 432 comes out October 21st and the next writers meeting is\nTuesday October 14th at 4:32pm in the SUS\noffice (Klinck 202).\nIf you come to no other meeting this year,\nmake it the 14th! After we discuss business,\nwe will proceed to the brand-new IFPO\noffice and make it our own! There's a beer\nfridge folks! Cheers!\nLana - lerupp@interchange.ubc.ca\nChris Zappavigna\nSenator\nI hope everyone has enjoyed their first\nmonth back at school. Depending on\nwhen you read this, I may have already\nwritten my first midterm! Nuts, eh? Anyways, the September senate meeting has\nbeen cancelled due to lack of business. If\nyou have any questions regarding academic policy at UBC or the Faculty of Science,\nplease don't hesitate to contact me at cjzap-\npav@interchange.ubc.ca or cjzappav@hot-\nmail.com. Like most, I check my e-mail at\nan obsessive rate. I've toned down my\nsocial life from the last issue of the 432.\nAfter going to the Pit 3 times in one week,\nI've now started to hit the books hard. Considering that this is my last undergraduate\nyear at UBC, I plan to enjoy it as much as\npossible. Oktoberfest is coming up in a\ncouple of weeks - this is my next public\nevent. Work hard, but play harder. Take\ncare guys!\nKristin Lyons\nDirector of Sports\nHi All. Registration for term one\nleagues is now over! I hope that\nyou all got the teams organized\nthat you wanted to, and I hope that you all\nenjoy your respective term one leagues.\nUpcoming intramural events include inner\ntube water polo (registration deadline is\nFriday, October 3), the eco adventure challenge (registration deadline is Tuesday,\nOctober 15), and the gladiator team challenge (registration deadline is Monday,\nOctober 21). These are all great events, so\nplease see the SRC or the SUS sports board\nfor details. As for the science sports\nrebates, the deadline for handing in your\nrebate information is going to be Friday,\nNovember 15 at 5pm. In the past, rebates\nhave been 40-60%, but I can't make any\npromises until I receive all the rebate\nrequests. To receive your rebates, please\nhand in your team roster, your receipt, and\nthe name, phone number and email\naddress of the person that I am supposed\nto write the rebate to into my box in the\nScience Undergraduate Society Office (LSK\n202). If you have any questions, you can\nemail me at kristin_lyons@hotmail.com.\nHave a great first term! Page Twelve\nTHE FOUR THIRTY TWO\n30 September 2003\nPlanes Trains and Automatic Weapons\nAndy Martin\nTouching Your Side\nThe invention of motorized vehicles\nallowed us to move further away\nfrom other people. This was thought\nto be a good thing as the less you hang\naround people, the less irritating they are,\nand back in the day, the less open sewage\nyou had to live by. But as automobiles\nbecame the everyman thing to do, it got to\nthe point where you couldn't get through a\nnormal day without using motorized vehicles.\nBarring shut-ins, work-at-home losers and\nthose who have a flourishing career in the\nliberal arts (a.k.a. 'drunken harmonica\ndude'), you pretty much need to rely on a\nvehicle to get around. The car companies\nhave you, and it's not just the gas prices or\ninsurance or any of that stuff that's irritating, it's just that the whole experience\nsucks.\nLet's take driving. Having your own car or\nmonster truck is the most liberating thing\nin the world. All of a sudden, you can go\nwhere you want, when you want. You\ncould be laying awake at 3A.M., philosophizing about the truth of whether or not\nAmerican slurpees really do taste like fire\nretardant, and you can actually answer the\nquestion by driving down to the border\nand stopping at the first convenience store\nyou find (But you don't have to, because\nI'm telling you now, the answer is 'yes'). It\nisn't the fact that you would, but the fact\nthat you could, and that is freedom. [Sco-\ntish Highlander voice] FREEDOM! [back to\nsilent text] Before we had our own wheels,\nwe were limited by the schedules of public\ntransportation and/or the equally illogical\nwhimsy of those we knew who did have\ncars. But now we have cast aside those\nrusty shackles of other people, and taken\nto the open road. An open road filled with\nabout 2 million cars.\nOnce you get a car, you realize how much\neffort it takes. Not just all the effort that\ngoes into maintaining a car, but the difficulty and irritation of the basic ownership\nand operation of a car. Car commercials try\nto sell you the ease and enjoyment of driving. I find joy in a small sliver of driving,\nthat of the first few minutes of country\nhighway driving with my rock n' roll blasting. The rest of the time it's either boring or\nirritating to the point where I swear I'm a\nrisk to public health when I'm looking for\nparking during rush hour downtown. And\nI own a big blocky truck, with no power\nsteering. This turns the skillful art of precise driving during a traffic jam into a\ncomposite modern sketch of braking,\nhonking, cursing, and pressed hams.\nTrucks carry the extra caveat of having to\nspend many-a-weekend moving your temporary best friends around. My going rate\nseems to be a sandwich and a pat on the\nback.\nOf course, getting a car gives you the\ninvaluable license to be a downright asshole. Driving may be a privilege, but being\nan asshole is a right. And what better way\nto get your kicks than with a mountain of\nmetal to back you up. And those who think\nthe Vancouver driving scene is tough, you\nhave to experience the NYC scene.\nBetween regular traffic that can add an\nextra 3 hours to your drive, honking from\nbehind you exactly 0.0001 of a second after\na light turns green, improvisational lane\ncreation and merging rules, entire streets\nof double parking, and a rash of 'dent and\ndrive away' drivers...it defies explanation.\nThere are four things I have seen that\ndefine the NYC driving experience:\n1) Cars honking at a stopped ambulance\n2) Cars double parked over perfectly good\nparking spots\n3) Cars parallel parking in order to double\npark.\n4) \"Hey, I'm drivin' here! Whatsamattay-\nou?!\"\nBut as much as it sucks, what's the alternative? the bus? The wheels on the bus go\n'kill me now, I'm a fucking bus! The most\ndespised form of transportation ever!\" Taking the bus is the only means of transportation more despised than those labou-\nrious ones like biking. Sure, biking is\nknown to induce non-sex sweating, can\ninduce bone splintering accidents as you\nare forced to share the road with the aforementioned motorists, and it exposes you to\nthe most carcinogenic fumes this side of\nsticking your head in the latest head-sized\nmuffler coveted by many young members\nof the Asian, or wannabe Asian, community; but it's safer than the bus. As I plunk my\nass down on one of the uncomfortable\nseats, I can't help but think of all the other\nasses that have sat on the same seat, and\nhow long the seat has had to culture and\ngrow the infectious diseases. As I sit, taking an STD swab with my ass cheeks, my\nknees butt up against the seat in front of\nme and it's protective coat of used gum\nand naughty limericks.\nSee, I'm tall. I'm not towering, but I'm a\nsomewhat taller than the average sexy\nmale. Perhaps it's wishful thinking, but I'd\nlike a seat I can sit in without first getting\nscurvy to make my bones bend and fit into\nthe allotted space.\nAnd then, there are the people you meet\non the bus. There's a large freak population\nout there. Relatively few of them are loud\nand obnoxious freaks: most are quiet and\ntake out their freakishness on the internet.\nBut take the bus enough, and you're sure to\nrun into plenty of each. 20 minute conversations about the weather, loud accusations of meat stealing sexual deviants just\ntrolling for a yiff with a possible werewolf\n(if you don't know about that, good for\nyou, for the people who understand are to\nbe feared... ignorance is bliss, ignorance is\nbliss, la, la, la...), and the ye olde fat sweaty\nhog sitting in the seat next to you, their\nample hips invading your personal space,\nyour physical volume.\nAnd let's not forget the bus schedules\nwhich threaten to rip the time-space continuum by the sheer mass of illogicality\ncompacted into such a small pamphlet.\nAnd then in Vancouver there's the Skytrain. The fastest way to get to Surrey...a\nshame no inanimate object could live\ndown. Of course, it is also the fastest way\nto get out of Surrey, which kind of redeems\nit. But I still hate it, because this article\nwouldn't work if I didn't.\nSeabus. The oft-rightfully ignored seabus.\nMy favourite activity on the Seabus is\nwatching other passengers. And not just\nstaring at the tits. No, I watch just to see\nand mock the people who are so sensitive\nthat they get seasick on a 10 minute ride\nacross a calm inlet. Because lest you see 20\nmeter waves out the window, nobody has\nthe right to puke.\nAnd what's the deal with airline peanuts?\nHonestly, I think we'd all be better off\nskitchin' Marty McFly style anywhere we\nneed to go. [if you don't know the term\n\"skitchin\"', you're too damn old, if you\ndon't know who Marty McFly is, you're too\ndamn young]. Streets dominated by skateboarders, a city-wide soundtrack of Huey\nLewis during rush hour. That or those flying cars science was supposed to have\ninvented by now.\nFriday, Oktober\n3rd, 7pm-llpm\u00C2\u00A3\nMinors Welcome\nLive Music!\nBZZR!\nBRATWURST!\nBURGERS!\nZZR!\nratwurst!\nBurgers!\nFree food if you're\nwearing lederhosen\n(Did we mention - bzzr, bratwurst, and burgers?)"@en . "Periodicals"@en . "Vancouver (B.C.)"@en . "LE3.B841 A12"@en . "LE3_B841_A12_2003_09_30"@en . "10.14288/1.0000893"@en . "English"@en . "Vancouver : University of British Columbia Library"@en . "Vancouver : University of British Columbia. Science Undergraduate Society"@en . "Images provided for research and reference use only. Permission to publish, copy, or otherwise use these images must be obtained from the University of British Columbia Science Undergraduate Society: http://www.sus.ubc.ca/"@en . "Original Format: University of British Columbia. Archives"@en . "University of British Columbia"@en . "The 432"@en . "Text"@en . ""@en .