"CONTENTdm"@en . "http://resolve.library.ubc.ca/cgi-bin/catsearch?bid=1229713"@en . "University Publications"@en . "2016-07-19"@en . "1990-01-31"@en . "https://open.library.ubc.ca/collections/the432/items/1.0000877/source.json"@en . "application/pdf"@en . " UBC Aichives Serial\nThe Boring issue\nis here!\nWho cares, anyway?\nby Aaron Drake\nCHEM 160 - In honour of 1990 being the\nUN's Year of the Boring Couch Potato,\nThe 432 has devoted an entire issue to\nboredom.\n\"Sure, why not?\" says SUS External\nVice President Antonia Rozario, \"Boredom is a central issue on campus. Students should be made more aware of it.\"\nUnclassified Yolanda Leung thought\nthat although an apathy issue would have\nbeen better, \"I could care less, but it's too\nmuch effort.\"\nTopics in this issue include: 6 Steps to\nCleaner Underwear, Single Swinging\nHonours Math Students, and Broccoli:\nThe Scandal Uncovered.\nSUS President Ari Giligson agrees that\nthis issue was a long time coming. \"I'm\nnot surprised. With fewer and fewer students writing for the paper, the articles\nare really starting to get stupid. I mean,\neveryone must be sick to death of\nCommentAri.\"\nThe 432 issued a press release Friday\nmorning, outliningThe Editor's decision\nto go with the Boring issue. It read, in\npart, \"I don't know. It seems like a good\nidea. I got nothing else to work with. No\none's submitting anything. God, maybe\nI'll take a long vacation in Hawaii or\nsomething. This issue's gonna be a dead\none.\"\nBoring is defined in the dictionary as\n\"the act of drilling a hole or piercing a\nsurface.\" Nothing could be more boring\nthan that.\nActually, says Caireen Hanert, Physics\nRep, \"If you want to define boring, you\nshould see my boyfriend in the sack.\"\nThe 432 intercepted an informal communique between the SUS and Premier\nBill Van derZalm, discussing the stateof\nboredom about the province. In it, Van\nder Zalm expressly guarantied that \"there\nwill not be boredom on demand in this\nprovince.\" Ironically, Van der Zalm\nvetoed the release of a Safe-Excitement\nvideo.\nIn an unrelated development, a group\nof Economics students issued a press release, calling for a new definition of\nboredom, to reflect exactly how much a\nsnore Economics really is.\nSPORTsTHERAPY\nScience on Top in Women V Intramurals\nby San jay Parikh\nIn an amazing first semester, The\nFaculty of Science has come out on top of\nthe Intramurals Unit Points Race in the\nWomen's Division. Reported by the Intramurals Office, Science is first with Nursing only 5 points behind and Engineering\n400 points behind. This was primarily\ndue to the independent formation of teams\nwhich registered under the Faculty of\nScience. Particular contributions were\nmade by individual clubs such as the PreMed Society, Dawson Club, BioSoc,\nMicrobi Club, and Computer Science\nStudents Society.\nIn the Men's Division, Science\ncame out in second place behind the\nEngineers by 500 points. This margin is\nquite large but can be made up easily says\nthe Intramurals Office. The deciding factors will be participation in the Storm the\nWall Event and Weekly Noon-Hour Runs.\nCompetitors in the Noon-Hour Runs earn\n2 points for Science per run and participants in Storm the Wall earn 32 points per\nteam. Says Sports Director Christine\nKurz of the Science Undergraduate Socir\nety, \"I'd really like to see a lot of Science\nTeams in the Storm the Wall Event. It's\na tradition out here at UBC but more\nimportantly, it's a lot of fun.\"\nStorm the Wall is the yearly event\nheld by Intramurals and is perhaps, its\nmost popular. Some 5 days of heats\nresults in final victors in categories for\nMen's, Women's and Co-Rec divisions.\nEach team consists of 5 members and one\nalternate and costs $40 per team (each\ncompetitor receives a special 1990 Storm\nthe Wall T-shirt). Because of the SUS's\ninterest in seeing more participants in this\nevent run for Science than ever before,\nthe SUS is offering a $20 rebate of the\n$40 cost for any team in the Storm the\nWall event that registers its unit as\nScience. The race consists of 5 segments:\nThe first leg is a relatively easy 400 metre\nsprint; the second leg is a 300 metre swim\nand is possibly the most physically demanding segment; the third leg is a 1 km\nrun; the fourth leg is a 5 km bike ride; and\nthe final leg is the scaling of the 12 foot\nWall by all five members of the team.\nThe event is being held this year from\nMarch 18-22 and registration is from\nMarch 14-16. Join the fun and put a team\ntogether amongst your friends or drop by\nthe Science Undergrad Office(Chem 160)\nand get onto one of our \"ringer\" teams!\nLast issue of The 432 (January 17) I allowed two ads to run in the\npersonals. I took them late at night over the phone and put them in\nthe issue immediately. I confess that I didn't even give it a second\nthought.\nThose ads were redneck and degrading.\nSexism is a serious issue and it plagues women in all walks of\nlife. It lies in the dark corners of policies, unseen and unthought of,\nor it sits in the middle of the trail, lurking there, obvious to all, and\nif we do see it, we just skirt around it without killing the beast. Or,\neven worse, it is just at the comer of the eye, just beyond your sight.\nYou can't point it out exactly, but it's still there, without body but\ndeep wit essence.\nThe 432 has tried to present a newspaper that is not offensive to\nanyone. Up until now, we have been fairly successful, poking fun\nhere and there, but all in a self-mocking lightness. We overstepped\nthe bounds of taste when those ads ran. Excuse me -1 overstepped\nthe bounds of taste. It was my decision alone.\nIt was definitely not my intention to promote sexism, but that is\nwhat I did. I apologize to all women,, and to all of the SUS that I\nhave cast shadows on by doing this. In particular, I am very sorry\nfor having offended anyone, and can only promise that this will\nnever happen again.\nShantz SUS\nSure Shoe-in\nby Aaron Drake (*fia Cttucis*^)\nBeuraucracy is an undeniable fact of\nUniversity life. One would think that\nstudents themselves would be the first to\neliminate beuraucracy within the organization of their own affairs. Yet it was this\nstudent synthesized beauraucracy, this\npitiful attention to insignificant detail\nwhich cost Jeff Shantz the presidency of\nthe AMS. Even with an overwhelming\n\"write in\" vote, Shantz was disqualified\nfor the simple fault that a clerical error\neliminated his name from the ballot.\nJeff Shantz commented on the possibility of running in other elections. \"I've\nbeen at UBC many years and I plan to be\nhere many more.\"\nWhen pressed for details on the clerical\nerror, Shantz said, \"I forgot to get a\nnomination form, okay? Get outta my\nface, butthead.\"\nCurrently, there is no provision for write-\nin candidates, but with the overwhelming\nmajority of votes for Shantz in this year's\nelection, those rules may just change.\nOver ninety thousand voted for Jeff\nShantz, a number well over the quorum\nlimit.\nAmid rumours that some of the voting\nwas rigged, Shantz defended himself. \"I\ndidn't stuff nothin'. I've got too much\nrespect for you losers. It was a grassroots\nmovement. Hear that? Grass roots!\nG.r.a.s.s.!\"\nAnd what does the future hold for Jeff\nShantz? Although his role on the AMS is\nup in the air, Shantz will not rule out a\nshot at the presidency of the SUS. \"My\nbiodegradable platform will carry me to\nvictory. This time. I'll get nominated,\ntoo. Hey, wanna sign this? Hey, sign this.\nA president that cares. I'm talking to you,\nbutthead. Hey!'\nThe 432\nJanuary 31,1990 :ft,\nValenitine's day is coming! Valentine's day is coming!\nEditor's\nComment\nStereOtypinjfTeatiy bugs the heck\nout of me. All Brits are pompous. All\nAlbertans wear cowboy hats. All blondes\nare dumb. All Americans are loud.\nWait, let's dwell on that last one for a\nsec.\nSwear to god, they once asked me what\nit was like to serve a Queen. And this was\nin Washington, for god's sake (or, as they\npronounced it, 'warshington.'). What's\nit like to serve a queen? What's it like to\nserve a queen? How do I know?! Anyway, I'm too concerned with cutting ice\nfor my house, and hitching up the wagon\nand all that.\nTwo american doctors, down south\n(In AL-ahhh-BAM-a), asked my girlfriend how long it would take to get to\nCalgary from Toronto.\nBy Subway.\nLet's back up a second, and I'll say it\nagain. Doctors. In AL-ahhh-BAM-a.\nHow long will it take by subway? I dunno\ndoc, how far is it from Detroit to Butte,\nMontana by Subway?\nBut I'm digressing. We're suppose to\nbe arguing about stereotypes and instead\nof stereotyping Americans, I want to talk\nabout how the world stereotypes Canadians.\nFor the most part, the world has a good\nopinion of us. Them there Canadians.\nThey're okay. Got no nuclear weapons.\nThey don'tevengotanarmy. Don't try to\ntake over third-world countries. Real\nfunny politics. Nice guys.\nThe Americans sew Canadian flags all\nover their backpacks when they travel to\nthe middle east. Why? Because Canada's\ngot no stick! We walk softly, and carry a\nloaf of bread or sausage or something.\nWe've got no army. Look, where do you\nthink our navy is based? Where are the\nheadquarters? Are they somewhere on\nthe St. Lawrence? Hudson Bay? Nope.\nThey're in Calgary. It's warm in the\nsummer, okay?\nHow intimidating is a country that has\nits naval headquarters in the center of the\ncontinent?\nWe're nice guys to Europe and Asia. To\nHong Kong, we're the swell guys that are\nsaving them from the Chinese. In the\nPersian Gulf, we're the harmless\npeacekeeping force observing a ceasefire.\nIn America, we're the Canucks. Johnny\nCanuck, ya sure can play that hockey.\nOnly reason that America hasn't dominated the sport is 'cause you got winter up\nthere 360 days of the year, right? You're\nponds are always frozen over.\nHave you Canadians got 'lectricity yet?\nBoy, you sure can make good bacon.\nWhat a beautiful day; why isn't it snowing? Why does your money come in every\ncolour of the rainbow?\nPhaaaah!\nCome to think of it, stereotyping has\nsome appeal to it. Correct me if I'm\nwrong but every American male between\nthe ages of 12 and 20 belongs to a gang,\ndoesn't he? His parents are either divorced, on drugs, or of the same sex. No\nreally. I thought it was the law down there\nthat every one must own a handgun.\nYou're from California? How many\nsurfboards do you own, dude? How can\nyou Americans stand being wiretapped\nby the CIA all of the time?\nHave you got a criminal record?\nMy favorite stereotypes come from\nright here at UBC. All artsies chainsmoke long-cigarettes and discuss Niet-\nsche over expresso at the corner cafe. All\nengineers drink so much beer that they\ntank naked women after hanging a\nVolkswagon from her neck. All Compsci\nstudents talk in Database. No wait, that's\nnot a stereotype. All physics students\nhave a combined weight of less than ten\nAll editors are the perfect manifestation of any God that you would\ncare to name. Heck, I don't mind\nbeing part of a stereotype. Course,\nit would be nice if they paid me for\nthis.\nLetters to the\nEditor\nExcuses, excuses...\nOn Friday, SUS had its Science Week\nExtravaganza Dance. It was great. But\nwhen we tried to sell tickets, we heard\na lot of excuses. Below are some of\nthem, and our response to each one.\n\"I have too much homework to do.\"\nEverybody has too much homework.\nYet people could find time to go the\ndance. If they could, who could this\nworkaholic? Did he/she let it accumulate? If so, the chances are that he/she\nis going to goof again, and should do so\nby coming to the dance.\n\"I'm going skiing at Whistler.\"\nA Whistler ski ticket: over $30. Plus\naccommodation, gasoline for the long\ntrip, lunches at their expensive gourmet\noutlets. A SUS Science Week Extravaganza Dance Ticket: $4. And the SUS\nhas the nerve to call it an \"extravaganza\" dance.\n\"I'm under-aged.\"\nWhere's the grad spirit? Where's the\nfake ID? Y'know, liquid paper has\nbeen around for some time.\n\"I'm busy trying to get into med\nschool.\"\nTake note all you pre-med keeners.\nThe workload doesn't get lighter after\nyou get out of med school, and doctors\nwho don't find time to relax get\nmalpractice suits. So you better learn\nto relax now\u00E2\u0080\u0094it might get you into\nmed school.\n\"I have to take my grandma to the\nairport.\"\nTake her to the airport early, and then\ncome to the dance. Better yet, forget\nthe airport and take grandma to the\ndance.\n\"/ don't have the money.\"\nJust like homework, except here, we\ndon't have enough. It's not as if we're\ntrying to pay off tuition. $4 isn't much,\nand bzzr is cheap too. If you're\ndesperate, go sing on Granville street.\nSo if you weren't at the dance, recall\nwhat you did Friday night. Was it\nworthwhile, fun and a great time? If\nnot, you should have come. You had\nthe opportunity and you missed it.\nOrvin Lau - Science Senate Rep\nDon Hitchen - Frosh City\nLet us Remember Scott Prince\nIt was a shock to me to hear about Scott\nPrince a couple of weeks ago. At first,\nI was only disturbed by the tragedy of\nhis death and didn't realize that it was\nthe same Scott who worked right next\nto me in Chem 203 lab last year. I\nguess that mine is a perfect example of\nhow it is that we all cannot conceive\nthe fact that a friend of ours can pass\naway so suddenly. I still bump into\npeople and ask them if they heard about\nwhat happened to Scott. It's only then\nthat they realize that This Scott Prince\nthat passed away is the same Scott that\nwe all knew and liked.\nScott was killed in a car accident\ninvolving a drunk driver who walked\naway from the scene. I still cannot\naccept the fact that Scott is gone but I\nknow that he lives within all the people\nhe knew. I know I will not forget the\nguy-\nSanjay Parikh-SUS Executive\nSecratary\nNotice\nEvery year, The 432 puts\nout, for the SUS, a Summer\nGuide that is mailed to each\nscience student.\nThe oppurtunity to edit and\nproduce such a guide is one\nthat shouldn't be passed up.\nThe experience you gain\nfrom it is invaluable.\nIf anyone is interested in\nediting the 1990 Summer\nGuide, drop us a line down\nhere at Chem 160.\nThe No\nClass <\u00C2\u00AB\u00C2\u00AB\u00C2\u00AB>\nthWi'Or'tjQ>S'ri>Jvn't'jfii-\ntjmM'iti uf ihi cznturu\nJanuary 31 1990 ^he^felentj\n&\n^\nOkay, so we'*e eopykg to Ubyssey, So what?\nOur uext issue ju&fc happens to eonte out ox* Valentin^ <^sfir:-tS . x\nby Don Hitchen\nLiterary Correspondent\nto The 432\nOn Wednesday January 24th, Dr. David\nSuzuki gave a commanding lecture in the\nSUB auditorium. Suzuki's talk was both\none of despair and of inspiration. Suzuki\nspoke of the state of extreme peril the\nplanet is in; in the face of all this hopelessness which we as a world face, one becomes inspired to act against the deterioration of our planet.\nAs a third generation Canadian,\nDr. Suzuki was stripped oif his rights and\nincarcerated in 1942. When released, he\nwas given a choice: leave B.C. and go\nwest to the Orient, or go east of the\nRockies. The \"anti-Jap\" politicians of\nBritish Columbia wanted no \"Japs\" in the\nprovince. In the view of Canada, he\nshared the genes as the enemy. In high-\nschool, Suzuki fell in love with genetics\nand pursued a degree in zoology. When\nSuzuki began to teach, he found students\nwould ask historical questions. Proud of\nhis chosen field, he researched the history\nof genetics. He found that it was geneticists who legitimized the racist laws which\nallowed his imprisonment. He found that\nit was geneticists who rationalized the\ndeath camps of Nazi Germany; furthermore, Josef Mengele (who oversaw\nAuschwitz) was one of Germany's leading geneticists. Today, Suzuki is frightened by geneticists who revel in their\nunderstanding and control of DNA, genetics, and the human race, yet are unaware of the history of genetics.\nAlthough he is not presently practising, Suzuki still keeps in touch with the\nscientific community. As a broadcaster,\nhe has become critical of his colleagues.\nDue to the explosion of scientific input in\nthe 20th century, we have gained much\nknowledge of the world around us: from\nman walking on the moon to the deterioration of the environment. To study some\nof the implications of these changes,\nSuzuki travelled to the Amazon, Australia, Canada, the United States and Great\nBritain. During these travels, he had\nmany opportunities to talk with scientists; out of these talks came one recurring truth, the planet is dying, and once\ngone cannot be replaced.\nHuman population is exploding at\na rate of 90 million more people every\nyear. These people need food, clothing,\nshelter, and air.\nWe are presently losing 500 billion tonnes of agricultural soil yearly.\nGlobal food production has been decreasing all through the past decade. In the\npast, many have looked to the ocean as a\nlast reserve of food. We are now learning\nthe oceans do not contain near the amount\nof food we once thought they did. As\nglobal population rises, global food reserves plummet. At this momnent there\nare 40,000 children worldwide dying of\nmalnutrition. The problem of food scar\ncity is only going to get worse as global\npopulation increases.\nThe great advances in technology\nscience has produced, comes with many\nwastes and bi-products. Every five min\nutes toxic waste crosses over some inter\nnational border and is dumped in a place\nwhere public opposition will be minimal.\nLast year the United States dumped a\nbillion pounds of toxic chemicals into the\nair. Much of this waste produces acid\nrain. These wastes also contribute to the\ndepletion of the ozone layer. Already\nthere is a growing hole in the ozone layer\nover Antarctica. New Zealand has felt\nthe effects of this hole: food production is\ndown, and the number of skin cancer\ncases have significantly increased. Thinning areas have now been detected in the\nozone layer over the arctic. Will Canada\nbe the next to fall victim to the detrimental effects of a depleting ozone layer?\nThe effects of global warming are endangering our coastlines. As the temperatures increase, the oceans expand making\nthe sea-level rise and the coasts flood.\nForest and wilderness lands are\nnear extinction. Forests are removed\nfrom this planet at a rate of one acre per\nsecond. Think about that, that is over two\nand a half million acres since the beginning of this year. With these forests goes\nthe species of animals that inhabit them.\nTwenty-thousand species of animals a\nyear are becoming extinct, two species\nevery hour, a rate Suzuki claims to be\nCommentJZri\nby Ari Giligson\nUfttiC quite recently I thought of myself\nas a man. Now reality has set in and I know\nthat I not a man but a reptile.\nThursday night, after the SUS Trike race,\nI got home and watched the news on CTV.\nThey had a segment on the tuition fee protest. They reported on a protest at SFU and\nRobson square. They also showed 40-odd\npeople that constituted a \"protest\" outside\nthe Old Administration Building at UBC.\nSince they were on campus, they also got\nshots of our very successful Trike Race.\nThey asked many people why they weren't\nat the protest. One person, whom they\nshowed on the air, was aware of the protest\nand said, basically: what protest - we're\nhaving fun here.\nThe spot made us look unconcerned with\nthe issue, ignorant and irresponsible.\nIn fact, I propose that the UBC protest was\na sham, hastily and poorly slopped together\nby those who want R. J. Moorhouse elected\nAMS President. The protest was poorly\nadvertised and attended mainly by a a close\ngroup of R.J. supporters.\nWhat the newspapers didn't bother to find\nout was the the Trike Race date had been set\nsince June, that the race helps promote pubic\nrelations between students and faculty, that\nthat the race is a non-alcoholic environment\nfriendly, horiest-to-god fun event, and that\n$432 (432-get it?) goes to a great cause - the\nChildren's Hospital.\nHad the organizers of the \"protest\" been\nputting together a real protest in fact rather\nthan in name, we would have gladly brought\npeople over after the race, if they had asked.\nHad someone at CTV been doing their job\ninstead of throwing together a bunch of\nvideo images to suit their own perception,\nthen they could have had two real stories\ninstead of one hokey one.\nBy the way, the Trike Race was a great\nsuccess (32 teams). Our thanks to the weather\ngods who held off the rain, even though the\nwinds gods were feeling jocular.\nApparently, Ari thinks that\nhe's a reptile. How strange.\nSuzuki Speaks\nconservative. If the present rate keeps\nup, there will be no forest or wilderness\nareas (apart from what we lay aside as\nnature reserves) remaining after thrity\nyears.\nNature is dynamic; nature cannot\nhave one part of it destroyed and survive\nwithout that part. If the forests go, so\ndoes the food, and so does the human\nrace. Ours is the last generation that can\ndo anything about the wilderness. If we\nare to have any hope, the nineties will\nhave to be the \"turnaround decade.\"\nWhy are we faced with all these\nproblems? At the beginning of the 18th\ncentury, global human population\nreached the one billion mark. It took\nbetween 800,000 and 1,000,000 years\nto reach this level. In the time since\nthat figure has doubled twice and has\nnow passed the five billion mark. Witf.\nthe population explosion has come an\nexplosion of technology. Most of the\ntechnology we have today, has come\ninto being in the last century. This\ncombined explosion of population and\ntechnology has created a surplus of\nwaste that is destroying the planet.\nThe distorted values the news\nmedia have created is ludicrous. While\nthe world worries about three whales\ntrapped in the arctic ice, twenty-five\nentire species of animals are disappearing a day. As the struggle to save\nj^\.\nWhile trie world worrits aSottt three whales trapped in the arctic\nice, twenty-five entire species of animals are disappearing a day.\na little girl trapped in a well captures the\nlives of a continent, 40,000 children are\ndying of malnutrition. One has to ask\nhow significant it is that Ben Johnson\ntook steroids, or that an artist is going to\nsquash a rat. Humans in general base\ntheir values on visual images. This visual factor is the root of the problem. We\ncan visualize these trifling problems, but\nwe cannot visualize a hole in the ozone\nlayer, the consequences of the \"greenhouse effect,\" dioxins in our water or\nPCBs in our food.\nAs a species, we have thoughts,\nideas, and values. We cling tightly to\nthese ideas Suzuki calls \"sacred truths\"\nwithout questioning them. Suzuki gives\nmany examples of these sacred truths.\nOne sacred truth is that all the\ncountries must become economically\nconnected, yet remain ecologically sep-\nerate. The ecology is by far more important. The fundamentals of life on earth\nare the air, water, soil, and bio-diversity.\nWe must learn to concern ourselves with\nthese and not the economics of the world.\nTake the Exxon oil spill in Valdez, the\nbenefits of this spill were emphasized: it\ncreated many jobs to clean up the spill,\nfavoured the Alaskan economy, and in-\ncreeased the United States G.N.P. This\ntype of attitude is absurd. World environmental commisions have determined\nthat to achieve an environmental turnaround, 150 billion dollars are needed\nannually. The United States' govern\nment spends one trillion dollars on defence yearly. For every twevle dollars the\nCanadian government spends on the military, they spend only one dollar on the environment Dr. Suzuki suggests (to the\napplause of the audience) that Brian Mu-\nlroney reverse this ratio.\nPoliticians mark success by the\nprogression of steady growth. Nothing\non the planet can keep growing exponentially. We just cannot keep growing. In\nresponse to the prospect of global warming, the Ministry of Energy announced\nthat we should reduce carbon emmsions\nby twenty percent before the year 2004.\nThe option of conservation which would\nrequire an initial investment of 74 billion\ndollars by the public, would eventually\nnet a saving of 150 billion dollars. The\npoliticians have sat on this suggestion\nand insist on the need for growth.\nThe third world, which contains\nfour billion people, wish to share the\nbenefits of the western world. Unless we\nas a nation set an example and become\nenvironmentally conscience, the third\nworld is going to follow in our footsteps\nand further pollute the world.\nAnother sacred truth is that through\nscience we have gained enough knowledge to manage our resources successfully. We cannot reduce nature and then\nput it back together again. The probabilistic universe in shich we live asserts that\na degree of unknowing exists. In no way\ncan we take the world apart and put it\nback together like a jigsaw puzzle, especially when half the pieces are missing.\nThere are between ten and thirty\nmillion species on earth. Of these species, we have labelled 1.4 million, and\nunderstand the basic biology of next to\nnone of them. As scientists, we know\nnothing about the biological world in\nwhich we are part of.\nThere is a general notion that if society\nencounters too much difficulty, science\nwill pull us out of it. We must realize the\nlimits of technology. One must remember that we are animals; try going two\nminutes without breathihng air, a week\nwithout water, or a month without food.\nAs animals, wer depend on all of these\nprimary elements for our mere existence. If these disruptions to the environment persist, we will not have these essen-\ntiaals of life. We cannot take the environment for granted; the world is not a \"cess\npool for our toxic waste.\"\nLong piece, huh?\nSuper-environment conscious\nDon Hitchen sleeps on a styro-\nfoam bed, and drinks Chlo-\nrofluorocarbons for breakfast.\nHah, just kidding. Boy, this three\nin the morning humour really\nstinks. Dono is our Frosh-At-\nLarge. Be nice to him, or we'll\nbite you on the ass.. IgSl^ri^\nDik Miller, Physical Plant\nI never used to drink coffee. In fact,\nI still can't stand the stuff, but since I\nstarted working for UBC Physical Plant,\nit's been one of those things I just can't\nstop consuming. I finally figured out\nwhy, a few days ago: the job induces\nsuch a condition of torpor that unless\none ingests a lot of caffeine one falls into\na coma within a few days. Some of my\nco-workers had not realized this fact,\nand have been essentially brain dead for\nthe better part of a decade. Needless to\nsay, their conversation is less than enlightening.\nMy supervisor shambled into the\nPhysical Plant lounge, where I was just\nfinishing my seventeenth cup of Java for\nthe day. It was 10:30 in the morning. He\nlooked at me with what was either disinterest or complete lack of cognition and\nproduced an orange piece of paper.\n\"What's that?\" tasked, pointing at\nthe paper. My hand was trembling dangerously from the caffeine. I resolved to\nfind another way to keep myself awake.\n\"It's a work order. Whaddya think?\"\nhe replied listlessly.\nI'd been on the job two weeks and\nhad never seen one. All I had been\ncommissioned to do was drive a back-\nhoe across some grass several times,\nreplant the grass, then drive the backhoe\nacross it again. \"Oh,\" I said. \"What's it\nfor?\"\nHe scanned it. \"Some bunch of yahoos at the. ..er.. .Science Undergraduate\nSomething-or-other want their lock\nchanged.\"\n\"How come?\"\n\"It doesn't work.\"\n\"I see.\"\n\"You're on the job,\" he said, handing me the work order.\n\"But I've neverchanged a lock in my\nlife!\" I tactfully neglected to mention\nthat as a private eye I had probably\npicked more locks than there were in all\nof Switzerland.\n\"You're on the case.\" The supervisor left.\nI downed the rest of my coffee and\ngrabbed my overalls.\nFifteen minutes later I was walking\nup to the Chemistry building. I looked\ndown at the work order and noticed that\nit had been filled out two months before.\nI shrugged. Bureaucracy, I thought.\nI passed a mob of students swarming\nup the stairs and found my way down to\nroom 160. Outside was a harried-look-\ning woman with huge, rolled-up posters\nunder her arms. She looked at me.\n\"Oh God, I'm glad you're here,\" she\ngasped.\n\"I'm not God,\" I replied.\n\"Stop that. Can you get me in?\"\n\"Sorry?\" I replied. \"What exactly do\nyou mean by that?\"\n\"Are you insane? Are you brain dead?\nI've locked myself out and I need to get\nin before my arms fall off from carrying\nthese posters.\"\nI looked at her quizzically. \"Who are\nyou anyway?\"\n\"I'm Antonia, the SUS External Vice\nPresident. Will you let me in now?\"\n\"Uh...sure.\"Ireachedintomy toolkit\nand brought out my Dik Miller\u00E2\u0084\u00A2 crow\nbar/torsion wrench/lock pick/swizzle\nstick ($59.95 plus applicable sales tax).\n\"Are you sure you couldn't just use a\nkey?\" she said.\n\"Look, lady. This is my job. I know\nwhat I'm doing. Just let me do it.\"\n\"Excuse me. I didn't realize you were\nsuch a lock wizard.\"\n\"That's what I'm paid for,\" I smirked.\nAnd damn well too, I thought to myself,\nespecially considering I have no idea\nhow to fix the lock once I get it open. I approached the door and with a quick twist\nand a violent, disturbing, crackling, popping sound from the door frame, the office was open.\n\"Thank you so much,\" the woman\nsighed. \"I don't know how I could have\ndone this without you.\"\nShe went in, and I bent down to examine the lock. It was pretty well a write-off,\nwhich was good since I was supposed to\nbe replacing it anyway.\n\"What seems to be wrong with it?\" I\nheard a voice ask. I turned around to see\na bearded man wearing a Science cardigan and a striped tie which was horribly\nmismatched to his differently-striped\nshirt.\n\"It's broken,\" I replied.\n\"What would have broken it?\" he\nasked.\n\"Probably my crow bar when I used it\nto get your vice president in here.\"\nHe looked blank for a second, then\nwalked into the office. \"Antonia, did you\nlock yourself out again?\"\nI tuned their conversation out and\nlooked at the lock again. I surmised that\nreplacing it would be the simplest procedure. Fortunately, I had brought along a\nspare lock. My Dik Miller\u00E2\u0084\u00A2 wood auger/\nlockremover/waterpikwoulddotherest.\nMere minutes later the old lock was a\nsmoldering hunk of slag lying on the\nfloor (and, I was to discover, leaving a\nnasty black mark on the floor sure to\nendure for years to come). I picked up the\nnew lock and set it in place. Then I\nrealized something, and I turned to the\npeople inside.\n\"Would you happen to have a screwdriver?\"\nTwo hours later, the lock was finally\ninstalled. I had had to requisition a some\nsteel plating to cover the holes I had left\nwhen opening the door and removing the\nold lock. During the hour it took to deliver the plates, I had taken a coffee break.\nThe new lock sat slightly askew so that\nthe door had to be lifted awkwardly each\ntime it was opened or closed, and whether\nit was locked or not, if the person on\neither side of the closed door was not\nstrong enough to lift it he or she was stuck\nthere. But it worked.\nJust as I was packing up, a blonde\nwoman (dressed mighty stylishly, I might\nadd) walked in with a similarly-dressed\nman in tow. She stared at the door.\n\"Oh my God, that is so ugly,\" she\ngroaned.\nThe bearded man walked up to her.\n\"Catherine, they just finished fixing it,\nand it works, so don't complain.\"\nShe stared at him. \"Ari, I cdiCtbelieve\nthat you wore a striped tie with a striped\nshirt again! Auuugh!\"\nI thought this would be an opportune\ntime to leave, so I did.\n\"Emergency requisition form.\"\n\"What for?\"\n\"The Science Undergrad Screwballs\nagain.\"\n\"Why?\"\n\"You forgot to give them a key.\"\nOh well. Another week in the life of\nDik Miller, Physical Plant.\n-\u00E2\u0096\u00A0 *** *qMWi8aBWBM^^\nThat's Trivial\nby Tanya Rose\nHello again! Now that That's Trivial has\nbecome a regular thing for the 432, it's\ntime to expand into the world of friendly\ncompetition. So here it is! The first\nannual That's Trivial Contest!\nHow does it work? Simple! Just answer\nthe following questions. You get different point value for each question, and the\nperson who submits the most correct\nanswers (and most points) wins a wonderful T-Shirt!\nThere is also a section for those that are\ncreative: lots of points can be won here\nif you can come up with an original\nanswer to the last five questions.\nEntries must be received before March\n1,1990. Please drop them off in Chem\n160 or mail them:\nThe 432\nc/o Dean of Science\nRoom 1507, BioSciences Bldg.\nUniversity of British Columbia\nVancouver BC\nV6T 1W5\nGood Luck!\n1-10: Easy -Worth one point each.\n1. How old is the Map Library?\n2. How tall is the Clock Tower?\n3. Exactly how many books are in all the\nlibraries of UBC?\n4. What is the average weight of a\nchicken?\n5. When was Sedgewick born?\n6. Who won the Div II Ball Hockey\nChampionship last term?\n7. How many stories are there in the\nBuchanan Tower?\n8. How much does a pound weigh?\n9. How many condoms does the Soviet\nUnion go through in a fortnight?\n10. How long is a cubit?\n11-15: Medium - Worth two points each.\n11. How wide is the waistof Ari Giligson,\nin nanocubits.\n12. What is the average lung capacity of\nan African Sparrow?\n13. How tall is the Vancouver Planetarium?\n14. How many parking spots are there in\nall the parking lots of UBC?\n15. What was the first headline story of\nThe 432?\n16-20: Hard - Worth three points each:\n16. What is the editor's real IQ?\n17. Who is Annie?\n18. What was the UBC Engineer's first\nprank?\n19. How many bald people are there on\ncampus?\n20. How much does Caireen weigh?\nInterpretive Questions: Points given\naccording to originality (max of5 points\nper question),\n21. What is the most random number?\n22. On average, what time is it?\n23. What colour is a fart?\n24. Who caused the San Francisco Earthquake?\n25. Who is taller: Bigfoot or Yeti?\nBonus Question: Worth 1-10 points.\nWhat is the best way to breed rocks? The Valentine's issue is next! Thp 432 will print your message in the February 14 edition at no charge!\nSome Definitions For Those\nOtherwise Incomprehensible\nScience Terms.\nr A Collection of \"\nTerras\nby Aaron Drake, Cafreen Hanert>\naudPatlt^dding\nAStaeltoflihrnriaas\nA Complex, of Psychologists\n: A Ctoadof Theoretical Meteorologists\nA Shower of Applied Meteorologists\n:A Field of S*hy$icJ$ts\nA Set of mathematicians.\nA Sample of StaUsHclans\nA Sh&bad of Engineers\nA Banco of Artsies\nA Team of JPhysM Majors \u00E2\u0080\u00A2\nA Block of Architects\nA Range of Oeographtss\nA Layer of ArchooJogitsfe\nAGaggfeofBimfeos\nA Lot of Rectos\nA Oaksy of Astronomers\nA Colony of Microbiologists\nAn Array of Oampttter Scientists\nby Aaron Drake and Caireen Hanert\nAcetic Acid - Redundant. All Acid is acetic\nDUE TO THE INCOMPETENCE OF SOME MAJOR\nGOOFUS WHO MISTAKINGLY MISPLACED THE\nI.N.Stein CARTOON, WE GIVE, IN ITS\nSTEAD, THE BALL HOCKEY SCHEDULE FOR THE\nPHYSSOC TEAM\nSun Feb 4, 3\nSun Feb11, S\nSun Mar 4, 9 pm\npm\nMen of Deabh\npro Fubai:\nstars\nDekes 1\nTue Mar 6, 7 pm vs Com Sci 1\nSun Marl8, 9 pra Fusion Masters\nClassifieds\nScience Week\nCongratulations to Ihe Big Money winners\nof the CompSci Car rally. First place went\nto Antonia Rozario, who drove a gallant\nChevy Impala. Who said the art of large\nboats is dead? Second place went to Ken\nStrang who drove a cool Mustang. Third\nplace went to a real dark horse - congratulations to Catherine Rankel in her Toyota\nTercel, and merry band of minstrels.\nThanks to each and every one of you that\nhelped out at Science Week. May you wake\nup one morning and find that you are, in\nreality, a god who was having a bad dream.\nMessages\nStacey F: Perhaps class is not the most appropriate time for reading a newspaper\n(even if it is The 432). D.H.\nAri. Alan Phoned. It's important.\nThanks to each and every one of you that\nhelped out at Science Week. May all your\nchildren be born into weallh.\nDon't forget the No Class Bash on\nWednesday, Feb 14,1990, from 4:30 to\n8:30, in the SUB Partyroom.\nManuel. Thanks but no thanks. David\nLectures\nDepartment of Physiology seminar: Dr\nMcCrea from the University of Manitoba on\nRecent Observations on Reflex Pathways\nFrom Group 2 Muscle Spindle Afferent.\nMonday, Feb 5, IRC Lecture Hall #5.\nOceanography presents Ken Reimer,\nfrom Royal Roads Military College,on\nArsenic and Antimony Biochemistry: The\nImportance of Chemical Speciation. 3:30,\nRoom 1465 BioSciences Bldg, February 6\n(Tuesday). Thanks.\nBiochemistry and Moleculare Biology Discussion Group will present a seminar by Dr.\nD Harold Copp, Professor Emritus of UBC:\nThe Calcitonin Story. Monday, February 5,\n3:45 pm in Lecture Hall #4. IRC.\nPre-Med Society February Lectures will\nbe held on Tuesdays at 12:30, in Wood 1.\nOn Feb 6, Dr Ferris will be speaking on\nForensic Pathology, while Feb 13 's lecture\nwill be \"If You Want a Girl Like Me,\" a\nbioethics film on the treatment ofseverely\nhandicapped infants.\nWanted\nMoral High Ground. Various AMS Council\nmembers.\nA good comeback, Wait, I guess it's too\nlate by now.Change that to: 'a good left\nhook.'\nFacial hair. Please. Just for a while, so I\nknow what it's like. Any first year.\nArc Length\nBoson\nCommutator\nCowpox\nDeadbeat\nDecadent\nFourier Analysis\nGalactose\nGiga\nHenry\nImproper Integral\nKirchhoff's Law\nLoudspeaker\nMagnetic Moment\nManometer\nMonte Carlo Method\nOdd Function\nRadioactive Dating\nRelativistic Time Dilation\nSpherometer\n- 40 cubits by 40 cubits by 80 cubits\n- A very stupid particle\n- Person on a bus\n- Pen in which cattle are kept\n- very damped oscillations\n- ten dents\n- Process of buying hides.\n- Very large sugar\n-Half of a giggle\n- Measure of Candy Bars (eg- O Henry)\n- Frowned upon in conservative fields\n- You cannot sneeze with your eyes open.\n- An American tourist\n- The climax of a Harlequinn Romance\n- Device to gauge sexism\n-1 bet you the answer's six\n- Any function that gives the wrong answer\n- A plutonic relationship\n- when your aunt won't leave\n-Unit to measure circumference\nI AKmatedaliseoi^righteiliaihettsme\nof theaninor. Ifnoname tsaffixedto\nthe article, it is eopyifgbi&i in the\nname: of Aaron Drake.\nThat's the way it was,\nWednesday January 3i, 1990\nThfe43S\nc/o Dean of Science\n'\u00E2\u0096\u00A0 fcaoat X507, BioSrieaces Biag\nUniversity of British Columbia\nVancouver BC\nMtto*:Aai\u00C2\u00BBrtDjraik8\nWrifeses: Aaron t&ake, Taaya Rose,.\nAri Giligson, Saajay **\u00C2\u00ABrikh, Enissi\nH^ta|v^y,Oi^llK^8,OryiaLaa,\nPatrick Redding, Cafr$e\u00C2\u00BB Hanert,\nAngus McYtekar, David New; An-\nloaia Rozario* Albert Einstein\nArtists: Ken0\u00C2\u00ABen Payla Poicarova\nLayout/Pa$ieup/Editing; Sanjay\nParikhi Dos Hiidwau Orvin. tau,\nD^k Milter, Aaron Drake\nPrinted by College Printer\nThat's it I'm not printing anything\nfunny again in tny life. The 432 is\ngoing to become a Journal of New\nDe^iopments in Sca&logy* Deal\nwith it. Yon know why? Caase you\nain't submitting anything* So submit*\ndarn it.\nAuthors wish to remain anonymous,\nunderstandably\nEd's note: Hey, this ain't getting\ncopyrighted in my name.\nRats move through my brain\nEating the neurons of my life\nOh God it hurts bad\nMy big toe is white\nMy hair it's so very dark\nDead men do not snore\nA sick duck vomits\nThe wind will catch its murmur\nThen I may be cleansed\nFish of the ocean\nBrothers of my loving soul\nDo I smell to thee?\nIdiots arrive\nBringing assorted grommets\nThe grout blinds us all\nA field of paisley\nDances on my rin tin tin\nCan you picture it\nMy homework is due\nReally I have to ask who\nGives a fat rat's ass\n(Ed's note: that last puppy's mine)\nA Public Service (Message\nApathy. The Scourge of University Life. The fact that\nstudents refuse to move on anything reflects a greater...\nForget it.\nThe 432\nJanuary 31,1990 Valenitine's day is coming! Valentine's day is coming!\nThis is a requiem.\nThis is for the faceless and the wandering, those who trickle\nthrough the crowds, hunched shoulders, and short steps.\nAnd their masks. Our masks - the one that everyone carries in the\ninside coat pocket to wear at the appropriate time. We'll swear to our\ngrave that, no, this is the real face you see. The way you talk, the way\nyou carry yourself, none of that is made up as part of your wall.\nIt's very seldom that the masks come down, and you can catch a\nglimpse, mostly from the corner of your eye, of the real face\nunderneath.\nBut, I'll tell you...if you wait, or if you sit very still and quietly, you\ncan just see the skin underneath, behind the shadows of the mask. If\nyou listen carefully enough, you can hear the real voice. I'll tell you\nwhat every voice is saying, one way or another.\n/ don't want to die alone.\n1 It's a silent scream, a nagging fear that is never faced, unless you're\ngrabbed by the collar and shoved face first into it. Listen: you're\nmortal. You can fake it, you can act it differently, but the pliiy always\nends the same way.\nIt's our greatest fear to be alone and unloved. Immortality comes\nonly in the memories of those that knew us and loved us. With them\ncomes the irrefutable claim, that which withstands the aching batter\nof time: I was real. I made a difference.\nThere was an old man living on a planet made of rock. He was\nalone on a desolate, empty world, without colours or light or even\nsound. He was dying - every breath he took betrayed it. Every ache in\nhis body warned him. When he saw, off in the distant fog, a lone\nfigure shuffling/towards him, the cold black robes flapping in the\nsilent wind, he went into his small hut. Inside, were his only possessions, a hammer and chisel.\nAs the old man in the mist shuffled towards him, he bent down to\nthe damp rock. It was cold; in this world that was all there was.\nAnd he chiseled in the cold rock two words.\n/ am.\nLeases hape their time\nto fail, and flowers\nwither at the 9{prth\nwind's Breath and stars\nto set - But all, thou hast\nait seasons for thine own\n- O death!\n-'j-utcta in\nInn nniKBfflmapiry \u00C2\u00A9if Amgnns\nThe rest is silence.\nAbout Buying Computers\nby Angus McVickar\n(For 'halfbreeed', read 'compatible'; for\n'crash', read 'program')\nHaving spent at least a semester at UBC,\nmany of you could be thinking that a\npersonal computer would greatly aid you\nin your studies. This is the first of apairof\narticles to help you find the right PC. This\nweek's article is concerned with a brief\ndiscussion of the various types of com-\nputeres on the market.\nTo start, I think it's best to make clear\nexactly waht a computer is. It is defined\nin the dictionary as \"a bottomless pit into\nwhich you unconsciously pour money.\"\nMany people, however, see it as the ideal,\nuncomplaining scapegoat, eg. \"the computer billed too much\", or, \"the launch\nwas delayed due to computer malfunction\" (meaning one of the astronauts got\nthe willies and wouldn't go up.)\nMy rundown begins with the IBM (Inane\nBaloney Manufacturer). IBM is the big\nboy in computers, chiefly becasue it has\nbeen around since the year dot and people\nare afraid to buy anything they have never\nheard of. I think the birth of IBM is\nwritten in the Bible.\n\"And the Almighty and Benevolent\nComputer God was bored, and so He\nsaid, 'Let there be man.' And man was,\nand God saw that man was good. B ut man\nwas bored and he asked God for some\ncompany. And God created the IBM and\nsaid, 'Go forth and multiply.'\" (The man\nprobably said, 'That's not quite what I\nhad in mind but I guess I'll do it. At least\nitwon'tnagmetotakeittoarestaurant.')\nBut eventually, when God saw that not\nevery one could afford IBM's he said\n\"T M thprp. hp. hnlf-hrppils \"\nThe 432\nSome of the half-breeds could not\n(legally) claim to be just like IBMs, so the\nIBMcompatiblepercentage was invented.\nHere we come to the first theorem of\ncomputer buying:\nTheorem I (Incompatibility Theorem): If your halfbreed is 80% compatible, and you have 10 pieces of software\nwhich are written for an IBM system,\nonly the eightpieces which you will never\nneed will run on your halfbreed.\nMoving on to the Apple. These machines make very good paper weights\ndue to their generally compact size; in\nfact, it is often recommended that you use\nthe computer to hold down the ten loose\nsheets of documentation that you get with\nit.\nIn particular, Macintosh is Apple's\nmajor contender in the PC game. This\ncomputer is designed so any fool can use\nit. Strange enough, only fools use Macintoshes. Apple thwarted hackers by making it difficult to get a reallly interesting\ncrash running by having a little message\nappear, when the system is about to go\ndown, to the effect of \"Fatal Error: Today\nis Wednesday. I think it's best that I crash\nnow. Bye!\"\nMoving on quickly to a compouter that\nis very poppular in Europe: Amstrad - the\nIBM of Europe. This is largely because\nIBM is American, and Europeans don't\nlike Americans. Beware! Amstrad, being\nEuropean, may have communist connections.\nHurtling on, we come to Atari. These\nare the schizophrenics of the PC world.\nAt last count, the old generation (prior to\nthe520ST) DOS versions numbered 1500\nor so. I think this was because every time\nsomeone wrote a new piece of software\nfor the computer, they wrote it to use a\nnew version of DOS (which, incidentally, they also released for sale along\nwith the new program). The newer machines are better in this respect.\nIf you are into programming, the new\nmachines are for you. I am told that you\ncan easily produce a crash that can do\nmore damage to a hard drive than a team\nof college football players armed with\nsledge hammers in less time than it takes\nto stop the program. This is the mark of a\npowerful computer.\nCommodore. This is a company which\nhad produced good machines like PET,\nVic, and the 64 for years and recently has\nstarted building computers, too. The\nAmigas are at the cutting edge of technology. These computers are a good deal,\nthey comeequppied with memory.aCPU,\na keyboard, and a power supply, all at no\nextra cost.\nThe graphics capabilities of this ma-\nchinearephenomenal. I'm sureeveryone\nhas seen the famous bounicng ball demo,\nbut I'll bet not as many have seen the infamous \"Judy's Bouncing Balls\" demo.\nThis demo shows off the 20 or 30 skin\ntones available, better than any other I\nhave seen. Animation is very simple, and\nin a matter of minutes, you can have the\nwhole screeen ablaze with flashing colours and moving shapes. Amigas are\npopular among LSD addicts.\nTimex-Sinclair. What can I say?\nTandy (Radio Shack). The ever-popular Colour Computer line has been\nheating homes across North America for\nten yeaars now (I once warmed spaghetti\non the power supply of mine). Tandy is a\nwise choice for any prospective buyer.\nThe reason for this is that since Radio\nShck in Canada became Canadian controlled, they have introduced some bold\nnew policies:\n1. If it sells well, lower the price.\n2. If it sells really well, change it.\n3. if it sells to the point that you have\ntrouble keeping up to demand, discontinue it.\nTandy is one of the few companies\nwhich offers documentation in both of\nour official languages. The Colour Computer line offers over three and a half\npounds of documentation in English. The\nFrench documentation weighs around an\nounce, which goes to show how much\nmore concise a language it is.\nTandy also sells a complete line of\nhalfbreeds which range from IBM mother\nboaard copyright violations to those which\nare just plain awkward to use (disk drive\nopening at the back, 1 foot long power\ncable, tape driven DOS boot, etc).\nAt the upper end of their lines are\nmachines which are only seen in the catalogue because the average franchise\ncannot get one in for display. These\nmachines, at one point, offered French\nand English prompting in the software,\nwhich explains why they only sold well\nin Cnetral America and Argentina.\nI hope that this article has proved to be\ninformative. Stay tuned next issue for a\ndiscussion on basic principles of software selection and advice on how to\ntackle salespeople\nOn Wednesday, January 24,\n1990, Angus McVickar died. He\nwas in his thirdd year of\nHonours Physics - CompSci\nJanuary 31 1990"@en . "Periodicals"@en . "Vancouver (B.C.)"@en . "LE3.B841 A12"@en . "LE3_B841_A12_1990_01_31"@en . "10.14288/1.0000877"@en . "English"@en . "Vancouver : University of British Columbia Library"@en . "Vancouver : University of British Columbia. Science Undergraduate Society"@en . "Images provided for research and reference use only. Permission to publish, copy, or otherwise use these images must be obtained from the University of British Columbia Science Undergraduate Society: http://www.sus.ubc.ca/"@en . "Original Format: University of British Columbia. Archives"@en . "University of British Columbia"@en . "The 432"@en . "Text"@en . ""@en .