Celebrating 90 years! W BIRDS WIN IN NEW ARENA OPENER PAGE 12 BYSSEY October 28,2008 \ www.ubyssey.ca give me my fucking penguin since 1918 \ volume xc, number 17 UBC's official student newspaper is published Tuesdays and Fridays mn mmm mm mn mm mnmm mm mm mmtm t mm mm ttMM mm mm mm mmm mm mm mmmmi M MMM MM tt T A T MM MMM MM tMMMMM tMM Were * *mi mmmmm t MMM MM ttltt M MMM MM Mt MMMM MMM M VOll *t tMMMMM in mm mm mm t 1 ~ mm* mm mm MM MM MM t OTl P * MMMMM MMM mm mm mm! uiic • *«| mtmm 14 times this number of people signed the petition to save the UBC Farm P: MMM MM MM! !MMt MMM m M MM MMMMM M MMM MM Mt M !MMMMM M m t M t MMM! MMMMM MMM t MM MMMMM! MMM MMM MM t !MMMMM tilt Mt MMM MM ttMM MMM MM tMMMMM M ttMM MMM MM MtMMMMMMM MM M t MM tMMMMM MMM MM ttMM MMM MM * MM MMMMM MM tMMMM MMM MM MM tMM MMMMtt MMM MM MMMMM Mill MM tMMMMM MMM MM tMMMMM MMM pressure is mounting at UBC to change course on the future ofthe UBC Farm. With Campus and Community Planning in the middle of public consultations for the UBC Campus Plan, focus has thus far concentrated on the future ofthe farm, the last working farm in the city of Vancouver. In all three options presented by Campus and Community Planning, the farm is decreased in size from 24 to 8 hectares, and is moved from its current location in all but one ofthe plans. In a rally outside the SUB Monday afternoon, Friends of the Farm announced that over 16,000 people had signed a petition demanding that the UBC Farm be saved from development. "In a world of climate change and questions about food security it should seem obvious: preserve and secure the culture ofthe UBC Farm in its full 24- hectare location and size," said Friends of the Farm President Andrea Morgan at the rally. Later on Monday, Friends ofthe Farm presented the petition to UBC in a meeting with President Stephen Toope and VP External Stephen Owen. Pick up this Fridays Ubyssey for all the details, vi mmm mm MM t tMMMMM MM t MMM MM M MMMM MMM M MM MM ttMM t MM MMM MM t MM ttMM tMM MMM MM MMt ttMM MMM Mft HM MM MMMM MM H M M t M MMt MM ttMM M MM ttMM t Onlineatubyssey.ca VOTE Coracs o Jivants SUCLOKU Love or Hate our Events? VOTE IN OUR POLL AT UBYSSEY.CA Onlineatubvssev. ca Gordon gabs with students TALK OF OLYMPICS, STUDENT FUNDING, FUTURE OF BC Events I News (Culture [Perspectives (Sports I Editoria Letters Istreeters [Games IComics Feature 2 3 6 11 12 14 14 14 15 15 16 2 INFO THE UBYSSEY WWW.UBYSSEY.CA OCTOBER 28, 2008 Events If you have an event, e-mail us at events@ubyssey.ca Ongoing Potters House of Horrors • Come and be terrified in a haunted house featuring five themed rooms and more. • Tix $12/10, Oct. 15-31 6-1 Opm. www.pottershouseofhor- rors.com * Green Drinks • Interested in environmental and sustainability issues? Come to Steamworks Pub this Wed. • Third Wed. of each month, 5:45pm, Steamworks Pub (375 Water), www.greendrinks.org * Fright Nights At The PNE • Featur ng five new haunted houses, the Nightmare Maze, four shows, and access to Playland rides. Warning definitely not for ages 12 and under, seniors 65+, people with sensitivity to strobe lighting, people with high blood pressure, heart conditions, pregnant women, or scaredy cats. No guest costumes allowed. • Playland, Oct. 16 to Nov. I, 6pm. More information at www. pne.ca/* The Bible for Beginners • The Bible for Beginners is an informal, no pressure examination of one of the most famous books in the world Meet over lunch (Mondays 12-1 pm in SUB @ tables near Starbucks) or coffee (Wednesdays 2-3pm @ Ike's Cafe in the Irving K. Barber Center) to learn about this strange book. • revnathanwright@mac.com * Stanley Park Halloween Ghost Train • Mortal Coil Performance Society presents a pirate-themed adventure featuring actors, dancers, performers, puppeteers, swordfighters, hat-making, paint- ing, storytelling, and the Haunted Children's Farmyard. • Oct. 10-Nov 21, Stanley Park Miniature Railway (Stanley Park). Tix $9/5.50 (plus service charges and fees) at www. ticketmaster.com. More info at www.vancouverparks.ca/* CiTR SHiNDiG • UBC's own CiTR Radio's battle of the bands. Hosted every Tuesday at the Railway Club • Ongoing every Tuesday until December 9, Railway Club (579 Dunsmuir). More info at 604-681- 1625* Haunted Vancouver Trolley Tours • Two-hour trolley tour visits locations ike the Mountain View Cemetery and the Vancouver Police Museum's autopsy room. • Oct. 17 to Nov. I, 6-9:40pm. More information at www.vanmuseum.bc.ca. * Free Movies! Cinema Politica @ UBC • Cinema Politica at UBC is a free weekly series showcasing movies that harness the power of film to engage issues relating to the environment, globalization, gender and sexuality, indigenous rights, global health, and student power. • Every Tuesday, 7pm, Norm Theatre, SUB More info at www.cinemapo- litica.org/ubc* Eat BC! • This month at participating restaurants, accommodations, retailers and farms for a chance to WIN dining out for an entire year, free accommodation for a year and more! Eating BC is a great way to support your local agriculture community, the environment and economy. • Oct. 1, 2008 - Fri, Oct. 31, 2008 (all day), Cost: $5-$15 for more information see www. food.ubc.ca * October 28 UBC Improv presents the October shows • Get your pants on and get ready! UBC Improv presents the October Shows. Team David makes their debut as they join Team Goliath in an art like none other! • Oct. 28 7pm-9pm. Scarfe 100 Admission is $2 for non-members and free for UBC Improv membership holders. Memberships are available at the door at a steal for $10. * Meet DeanTownhall • Come out and meet the head of the science faculty in this informal Q&A. Do you have a problem with the way something works in your classes or labs? Got a way that we can mprove the faculty? This is your chance to take it right to the source. Get educated and involved in improving your faculty. • Oct. 28, 12:30-1:30pm, Ladha * Cinema Politica: This is What Democracy Looks Like • the rea story of what happened in the streets of Seattle during the 1999 WTO protests. • Oct. 28, 7pm, Norm Theatre, SUB- FREE! www. cinemapolitica.org/ubc * October 29 UBC Improv presents the October shows • Get your pants on and get ready! UBC Improv presents the October Shows. Team David makes their debut as they join Team Goliath in an art like none other! • Oct 29th 7pm - 9pm. Scarfe 100, Admission is $2 for non-members and free for UBC Improv membership holders. Memberships are available at the door at a steal for $10. * Pineapple Express • The UBC Film Society presents Pineapple Express. • Oct. 29-Nov 2, 2008 9pm, $4 general admission, $2 for members, (18A, 112 min) www.ams. ubc. ca/clubs/filmsoc * Organic Drinks • Interested in Environmental and Sustainability issues. See it in Action! Come to Mediterra on October 29. One of the most popular events will be the tasting of fresh, organic drinks. • Free event 11:30am to 1:30pm SUB Lower Level, Oct. 29. For more information contact Karim at Medi- terra@shaw.ca. * October 30 Rave on UBC - DJ Arias at the Pit • nternational DJ sensation Arias will be coming all the way from France to perform at the Pit! • Oct. 30, 2008 at 8pm, tickets will be $20 Contact mayssn@gmail.com * Women's Basketball • The team will play their home opener against Trinity Western University as they aim to defend their national championship. • Oct. 30, Nov. 1, 6pm War Memorial Gym. * Men's Basketball • The squad wil once again try to be victorious in the Pacific Division. They will face Trinity Western University . • Oct. 30, Nov. 1, 8pm War Memorial Gym. * UBC Photography Presents: Chris Taylor • Club meeting and guest lecture: open to members and pubic. Complimentary food and drink • Thursday, Oct. 30 7pm Room 212A SUB. Info: photosocubc© gmail.com and www.winnersblues. com * Fair Trade Pancake Breakfast * Engineers Without Borders is hosting a pancake breakfast on Thursday October 30 from 7:30-10am in the foyer of the Kaiser Building. Come fill up on Fair Trade banana-chocolate chip pancakes and coffee. All are welcome • Oct. 30, Kaiser Building, please bring your own mug/plate/cutlery. * October 31 Women's Ice Hockey • The squad has been experiencing a volatile season with a record of 3-3. They hope to get back at Saskatchewan this weekend after dropping a game against them last week. • Oct. 31 7:30pm, Thunderbird Arena. * The mAUSUSquerade • A never- before-seen, interfaculty Halloween social experiment from AUS and SUS. Come out on Halloween night to see AUS and SUS join forces at the Ladha Centre. We'll be spinning mixes all night on a pumping dance floor. Be sure to dress up and show your spirit. Tickets will get you a commemorative glass (for the first 200 entrants), a free beverage and an excuse to dance the night away Bring a can for the Meal Exchange's Trick or Eat program and get a dollar off your ticket. Buy your tickets from MASS or Ladha. • October 31, 2008 7pm-11pm, Abdul Ladha Science Student Centre Tickets $10 @ the door. Presale tickets 5/$45. 19+* Global Thriller, a massive Halloween party • Hosted by International Peer Program (IPP), GoGlobal Student Connect, International Students Association of Sauder (ISAS) and Asian Studies Interests Association (ASIA). The event wil also feature a live nightclub DJ, pumpkin carving contest, and other great group activities! Prizes will also be given out to students with the best costumes! • October31, 2008 7pm International House, Tickets $5 before, $7 dollars at the door, for more information h ttp://www. facebook. com/e ven t. php?eid=89167785321 * November 1 Medieval Festival: Beowulf • Presented by Early Music Vancouver in cooperation with UBC School of Music • Nov. 1, 2008 7:15-1 Opm $30 Adults / $27 students & seniors, http://www.ear/ymusic bc.ca/* Antiwar conference: "Imperialist disaster" • War at Home, War Abroad, Economic Collapse - The Antiwar Movement and Beyond How the New Era of War & Occupation Brings Misery & Destruction for Humanity. • Saturday Nov. 1, W:00am-5:00pm at the Britannia Community Center (1661 Napier Street at Commercial Drive) Organized by Mobilization Against War& Occupation (MAWO) 604- 322-1764 More info @ www. mawovancouver.org * ThhIUbyssey October 28"', 2008 volume xc, if 17 Editorial Board vember 2 UBC REC Fall Table Tennis Open • Grab your paddle and join other enthusiasts in the action and excitement of table tennis. The Fall Table Tennis Open offers singles and doubles categories for both men and women. There are some great prizes to be won so sign up and have some fun and a little competition! Register by Wed. Oct. 29 • UBC Student Rec Centre Gyms, November 2, 2008 9am-4pm, UBC Student Singles $10, UBC Student Doubles $16, For more info, please contact Aaron Miu amiu@rec.ubc. November 7 Big Lebowski Beverage Garden • Show up early! This event sells out every year! Or become a member and skip the long non-member ine! Norm Theatre. The SUB. • Tix $3 members, $6 non-members (members can't bring non-members). 7-11pm * CI assifieds If you want to place a classified, e-mail us at advertising@ubyssey.ca Courses H Help Wanted 1 Tutoring H Student Events Self Discovery: A FREE 8-Week MEEDA.B.AIntervenors Private tutoring for Math and "UBC Thai Aiyara (Th.Ai.) club fea- Course To work with Precocious 4yrold Science 8-12 around the UBC Area tures a Thai horror movie,"Alone." October 26,1:30pm-2:30pm 10-12$/hr. 19yrs+. Near Skytrain. during weekends. Wed. 29 Oct., 6:30-8:30pm, MASS Library Square Conference Centre =lex-sched. Please contact James Hoi at 604- lounge Buchanan D 140. Free for 350 West Georgia Street Reply bmarzo@shaw.ca Subject 295-5918 for more details. members, $2 at door for non- Register: ine Re:Conrad members. Snacks/drinks provided. 1-877-GNOSIS-1 vancouver@gnostricmovement. com Discover spiritual peace and gain the most from every moment. Adult ballet with Helen Evans new beginner classes, Thursday evening and Saturday morning. Located near Broadway and Granville. 604-732-5429 COORDINATING EDITOR Kellan Higgins: coordinating@uhyssey.ca NEWS EDITORS Stephanie Findlay & Justin McElroy : news@uhyssey.ca CULTURE EDITOR Trevor Melanson : culture@uhyssey.ca SPORTS EDITOR Shun Endo sports@uhysseyca FEATURES & PERSPECTIVES EDITOR Joe Rayment: features@uhyssey.ca PHOTO EDITOR Goh Iromoto :photos@ubyssey.ca PRODUCTION MANAGER Paul Bucci:production@uhyssey.ca COPY EDITOR Celestian Rince: copy@tdhyssey.ca VOLUNTEER COORDINATOR Ricardo Bortolon : volunteers-@tdhyssey.ca WEBMASTER Adam Leggett: webmaster@uhyssey ca MULTIMEDIA EDITOR Dan Haves : multimedia-@ubyssey.ca Editorial Office Room 24, Student Union Building 6138 Student Union Boulevard Vancouver, BCV6T lZl tel: 604-822-2301 fax: 604-822-9279 web: www.ubyssey.ca e-mail: feedback @ubyssey.ca Business Office Room 23, Student Union Building advertising: 604-822-1654 business office: 604-822-6681 fax: 604-822-1658 e-mail: advertising@ubyssey.ca BUSINESS MANAGER : Fernie Pereira AD TRAFFIC : Sabrina Marchand AD DESIGN : Gerald Deo The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper ofthe University of British Columbia. It is published every Tuesday and Friday by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an autonomous, democratically run student organization,and all students are encouraged to participate. Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff. They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey Publications Society or the University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing in The Ubyssey is the property of The Ubyssey Publications Society. Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed, written permission of The Ubyssey Publications Society. The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP's guiding principles. Letters to the editor must be under 300 words. Please include your phone number,student number and signature (not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are dropped off at the editorial office ofThe Ubyssey; otherwise verification will be done by phone."Perspectives"are opinion pieces over 300 words but under 750 words and are run according to space."Freestyles" are opinion pieces written by Ubyssey staff members. Priority will be given to letters and perspectives over freestyles unless the latter is time sensitive.Opinion pieces will not be run until the identity of the writer has been verified.The Ubyssey reserves the right to edit submissions for length and clarity. All letters must be received by 12 noon the day before intended publication. Letters received after this point will be published in the following issueunlessthereisan urgenttime restriction or other matter deemed relevant by the Ubyssey staff. It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the liability of the UPS will not be greaterthan the price pa id for the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the impact ofthe ad. Contributors When the police arrived they found Trevor Record, Celestian Rince,Samantha Jung,and Keegan Bursawcrowded around the mutilated cow corpse,murmurmg softly/'Looks like Maria Cirst- ea is back in town "Constable Stephanie Findlay said,taking off her mirrored aviators. DeputyJustmMcElroytook off his training mirrored aviators/'Shucks, Findlay, should we get Goh Iromoto and Drew Thompson inforensics to come checkthis out?"Down the street Nima Kashani rode an army motorcycle, Harbandna Singh in sidecarjeading a procession of troop trans portsZLooks like Stephanie Dong has let this slip to General Matthew Rat- zlaff/' said Staff Sgt. Laura Morrison. Photographers Raymond Chou and Kellan Higgins from the Newsly Mewserson came up to the scene on a bicycle built for two, panting. Joe Rayment, captain of the 5th Newsly Dragoons, came out of the leading troop transport followed by Sgt.Shun Endo, Corporal Paul Bucci, and Privates Monica Tanaka, Trevor Melanson, and Jennifer Mackenzie. Melody Ma, reporter from the Newserson, ran up to the officer,camerawoman Nessa Aref following close behind. The camera was promptly smashed, to the collective gasps of onlookers; particularly Tara Martellaro and Kathy Yan Li, who hyperventilated from gasping exertion. Lieutenant Dan Hayes escorted the journalists from the scene. As they were being forced into the back of army trucks, a brilliant flash appeared in the sky, and when everyone was done blinking they saw a silver disk hovering above. A thin line of light appeared on the side ofthe craft,and an opening slid open, revealing the otherworldly bodies of notable extra-terrestrials Kalyeena Makortoff and Brandon Adams."Heyguys,how's itgoing"onlookerCallum Kingwell called out."We come in peace"said one ofthe ghastly monstrosities/'except in the cases of Karen Cheung, Joshua De- haas,and Caitlin Ohama-Dareus. We're going to kick their asses. Uh,so I guess we didn't come in peace at all." V Canada Post Sales Agreement Number 0040878022 Canadian printed onH'00% University recycleckpaper Press YJ^V OCTOBER 28, 2008 THE UBYSSEY WWW.UBYSSEY.CA Meet your new chancellor Morgan - Silvester settles in at UBC Chancellor Morgan-Silvester stands in front of a picture of UBC leaders of yore, matthew ratzlaff photo/the ubyssey by Matthew Ratzlaff News Writer "I was very surprised when I got the phone call saying, 'Would you consider putting your name forward for Chancellor?....The UBC Alumni Association would like to nominate you,'" recalls Sarah Morgan-Silvester, UBC's newly elected chancellor. "I just about fell off my chair." As an undergraduate student at UBC in the 1980s, Morgan- Silvester knew as little as the next student about the role of Chancellor. "Let's be honest—I don't think I knew it existed." Nominated years later, she admits, "I had to think, 'Well, what is this all about?' along with everybody else. "What does a chancellor do exactly besides confer degrees and sign those degree certificates?" She adds, "I did it because I really did think that UBC is one of those rare organizations that is actually relevant locally, nationally and internationally. It really does matter, it really does make a difference." Elected by UBC alumni for a three-year term that started on July 1, 2008, Morgan-Silvester is discovering that being the university's 17th Chancellor is "quite a full role." While her signature will appear on graduating students' degree certificates this year, she also advises UBC's Board of Governors and Senate, which oversee the university's business and academic affairs, respectively. "The role of Chancellor is steeped with tradition," she says. "With Chancellor you have to blend the responsibility of... bringing that tradition with you [while] also being relevant to today." Morgan-Silvester's extensive experience in the business world has made her a strong presence in UBC's governing body. In addition to climbing the corporate ladder to the position of an executive VP at HSBC Bank Canada, she is currently the chair of the Vancouver Fraser Port Authority and BC Women's Hospital and Health Centre Foundation, as well as Director of ENMAX Corporation, the CD Howe Institute, and Women in the Lead Inc. "Business backgrounds... are essential to balance out the Board of Governors," said Brad Bennett, chair of the Board of Governors. "I'm thrilled that Sarah was chosen to be the Chancellor....The university is very lucky to have her." Since 2002 Morgan-Silvester (BComm '82) has also been a member of the faculty advisory board at the Sauder School of Business where she serves as a student mentor and guest lecturer. "She knows the university very well," said Andrew Irvine, UBC philosophy professor and member of the Board of Governors. "She has long-standing connections with the university so its not like she's a stranger to the institution." Bijan Ahmadian, a second year law student at UBC and student representative to the Board of Governors, said, "If there was a point where I would feel that we have a conflict with the university or with the administration, I could feel comfortable going to Sarah and asking her to facilitate the resolution." Morgan-Silvester wants to strengthen communication between students and the Board of Governors in their current discussions of accessibility to affordable student housing, tuition costs and changes to the SUB and UBC campus plan. "Students are never far from the mind of the Board of Governors. We have students who sit on the Board of Governors and their views are really valued and they make really important contributions." xi Hospice in early planning stages for UBC Patient-student conflict a concern; project is approved as long as land can be found by Trevor Record News Staff UBC is currently in the early planning stages of construction for a hospice on campus. A hospice is a health-care centre for the terminally ill. Offering what is referred to as "palliative care," they provide health care services to alleviate the suffering of those with terminal illnesses. The quality of life for patients, as well as support for their families, is the concern of these facilities. In February of this year, a hospice proposal was presented to the Board of Governors for consideration. The proposed hospice would house six to twelve patients in a single-story building and would take up to 10,000 square feet, which would be leased from UBC for a minimum of 50 years at a sum of $10 per year. UBC would have no commitments to make other than one of land; all costs would be covered by three external partners. Vancouver Hospice Society and the Order of St John would work together to raise up to four million dollars to construct the building, which would include an endowment of a half million for maintenance. Vancouver Coastal Health would pay to operate and staff the facility. In the same proposal, the Order of St John made an offer to work with the university to raise an eight to ten million dollar endowment for academic work in the field of palliative care. Wes Pue, Vice Provost and AVP Academic Affairs, suggested that the facility could provide academic opportunities to a wide array of students involved in palliative care. Medicine, nursing, psychology, pharmacy and social work were mentioned as being particularly likely to benefit from having a hospice on campus. However, the exact nature and degree of the interaction between UBC students and the facility and its patients has yet to be determined. "It's very important...[that] patients don't feel like they are being studied like guinea pigs in a cage. You have to treat people with the appropriate amount of respect," Pue said, "By the same token...people entering into a life of working [in palliative care] need to have an opportunity to have an opportunity to explore the [terminal illness] situation." For those who oppose continuing development on UBC lands, the hospice is a complex matter. The university is a place for students, typically young people beginning their life, while a hospice is a place for those ending their lives. However, the facility will provide learning opportunities to many students, as well as fufill- ing a social need for more palliative care facilities in Vancouver. Wes Pue, Vice Provost and AVP Academic Affairs talked about development plans for a hospice at UBC, specifically about the balance needed between students and a palliative care centre, drew Thompson photo/the ubyssey "Finding a place that's appropriate for both palliative care and to respect student needs on campus is going to be a high priority," said Pue. The project is currently in Partial-Board 1, meaning the hospice has been approved pending the selection of an appropriate location. The exact size, scale, location and scope ofthe hospice has not been determined yet. Pue stressed that finding a suitable site was a delicate matter, and was being carefully undertaken by all interested parties including the three outside parties, UBC planning, and the Faculty of Medicine. Ideally the selected site would be reasonably accessible while still remaining "predictably peaceful," among other considerations. When asked how a hospice might affect the UBC community, Staff Sgt. Kenna of the UBC-area RCMP said that this would depend on the location that was selected. "Some of the quieter neighborhoods might be appropriate," said Kenna. "The southern area of the campus might also be a aood choice." \a 4 | NEWS THE UBYSSEY WWW.UBYSSEY.CA OCTOBER 28, 2008 HUMBE.. The Business Schoo I earned my underc Now, I want a rewarding career* *notjustajob In less than one year, Humber postgraduate programs will help you launch your career in: • Financial Services • Human Resources • International Project Management • International Marketing • Marketing Management • Public Administration Building on your university degree, Humber's postgraduate programs offer a concentrated curriculum, career-focused courses and practical field placements. You'll gain the real-world experience and skills that employers value most. Get the career you want - apply now. business.humber.ca Scarecrow? Lion? Wicked Witch? Tin Man? Or even worse...a would-be journalist? Ready to report the voices of UBC students? Come by The Ubyssey office, in the SUB basement room 24. LSAT MCAT GMAT GRE Preparation Seminars • Complete 30-Hour Seminars • Convenient Weekend Schedule • Proven Test-Taking Strategies • Experienced Course Instructors • Comprehensive Study Materials • Simulated Practice Exams • Limited Class Size • Free Repeat Policy • Personal Tutoring Available • Thousands of Satisfied Students OXFORD SEMINARS 604-683-3430 1-800-269-6719 www.oxfordseminais.ca MUNICIPAL < ELECTIONS NOVEMBER 15th Vote in the Vancouver-city and Electoral A Elections With rental housing costs sky rocketing, inadequate transit services, and a childcare waitlist at UBC of 1,400 for only 500 spots, your vote will make a difference in the upcoming election. For more information, please visit www.amsubc.ca Live off campus? You can vote for councillors, school board and parks board representatives. (Note: Elections are taking place in every city in the (^ Greater Vancouver Regional District) ,—p^ Live on campus? You can vote for Vancouver School Board representative and a GVRD Electoral A representative. Low turnouts define undergraduate student elections AUS and SUS election turnout characteristically low Suffering election fatigue? The vast majority of arts and science students didn't vote in their faculty elections, goh iromoto graphic/the ubyssey ams by Callum Kingwell News Writer Dismally low voter turnouts plagued the undergraduate society elections this October. The Science Undergraduate Society departmental elections held earlier this month drew 7.7 per cent ofthe eligible voters, and the less fortunate AUS mustered a bleak figure of about two per cent in their by-election. These extremely low numbers are typical of fall elections, which generally spark less interest than the general elections held in the spring. Avneet Johal, AUS president, believes that part of the problem is that people tend to overlook most ofthe positive changes that the societies implement. "When things are running smoothly, people forget why," he said adding, "I also think there's an image issue, given all the little things we do, it is hard for students to connect the dots." Brian Sullivan, UBC's VP Students, believes this is a major reason why election turnouts are so devastatingly low. "Societies don't spend too much time linking students up with what they've done," he said. "The society has a responsibility to address and connect with students." Addressing the 17,000 arts and science undergraduate students at the commuter-oriented UBC has proven challenging. Nevertheless, Johal claims that an effort is being made, citing the upcoming mAUSUSquerade (October 31) as an example of how the societies are making an effort to publicize themselves. Obviously, he concedes, there is always more that can be done. There are other theories as to why students are withholding their votes. "It's amazing how lazy students can be," vents Jamil Rhajiak, SUS president. In past elections, online voting via WebCT made it easier for students to cast their vote. However, WebVote, the program that administered the necessary student information for the online voting process is no longer free. This meant both societies had to drop the program for their fall elections, although the program still administers SUS executive (spring) elections, which generally see a higher turnout. How large of a role WebVote played in voter turnout is tough to say, but Rhajiak had his own theory. "Students will vote while gaming in class, but they won't vote when they walk by a spot they pass every day." Regardless of the seemingly low turnout, Rhajiak is quite pleased with the 1.1 per cent result this year. It is an increase from previous years, which he attributed to increased involvement in Science Frosh and Imagine Day, along with the notable addition of the Ladha Science Student Centre. The AUS and President Johal are less thrilled with their turnout, although neither Johal nor Rhajiak believe that a low election turnout is a real cause for alarm. Both officials believe that low turnouts have little effect on the people who get elected. In this way, both societies will continue to work unbeknownst to the majority or their benefactors until their presence is more public. Until then, the elections will continue to remain on the periphery of undergraduates' minds, perhaps best summed up by Samson Wong, a first-year science student. "I voted, but I didn't know who or what I was voting for." \a OCTOBER 28, 2008 THE UBYSSEY WWW.UBYSSEY.CA NEWS I ; Young Canadian Valuables fly away from BirdCoop BirdCoop, campus security blame each other for problem works to save the chimpanzees No action too small for supporter of the Jane Goodall Institute by Caitlin Ohama-Darcus News Writer "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; indeed this is the only thing that ever has." The words of anthropologist Margaret Mead are easy to agree with, but to act upon this message takes a special type of person—especially if you're barely a teenager. Fourteen-year old Elliot Lupini from Victoria, BC is one of them—a Canadian youth genuinely committed to working with others to make a difference in our world. Over the past five years, Elliot has raised and donated over $2000 in support of orphaned chimpanzees. His fundraising has contributed to the Jane Goodall Institute, an organization founded by Jane Goodall—an internationally renowned primatol- ogist, environmentalist and UN Messenger of Peace—in 1977. Today, the Institute continues to support wildlife research, conservation and education around the globe. Elliot first heard about the Jane Goodall Institute and the plight of the chimpanzees in grade four. "I was horrified about how they were killing chimpanzees for the bushmeat trade and using them for entertainment, so I wanted to find out how I could help and donate, or raise awareness for the Institute." After doing some research, Elliot committed himself to this cause. "I decided that I wanted to start donating yearly to the Institute....! use most of my Christmas money..and then I wanted to have a fundraiser." Three years ago, Elliot organized his first community campaign. "We sent an invitation out to all our friends, neighbours and everyone we knew and asked them if they could come and give a donation to help raise some money. For the fundraiser we ended up raising over $500—it was much more than I anticipated." Just last summer, Elliot organized a second community fundraiser that brought in over $800. Elliot, also a member of the Roots and Shoots Foundation, the Jane Goodall Institute's international environmental and humanitarian program for youth, first met Goodall at a conference three years ago. "I got her message of hope. It is her goal for the world to help the chimpanzees and also create a sustainable world for everyone...to inspire people to make a difference." Inspired by Goodall, Elliot has his own message to share with Canadian youth. "If you can learn about the plight of the chimpanzees and the world around us right now...if you can understand that, and then; if you could donate even a toonie, it can help make your community more sustainable," he said. "I'll keep donating as long as I can...and hopefully that will make a huge difference." \a This coming Thursday, October 30 at 7pm, Jane Goodall will be in Vancouver to present her lecture, Reason for Hope, at The Centre for the Performing Arts. Goodall will speak about her research over the past 48 years, the need to protect Africa's wildlife, and her reasons for hope for the future ofthe planet. According to RCMP records, lockers located in the BirdCoop are less than safe, goh iromoto photo illustration/the ubyssey by Joshua Dehaas News Writer UBC student Jan Luedert is busy rewriting his papers after his laptop was stolen from a locker at the BirdCoop earlier this month. It's not an unheard of story, but fitness centre management is denying that theft from lockers is a problem despite RCMP records to the contrary. Luedert and a friend returned to the locker room after shooting hoops on the afternoon of October 9. The standard combination lock they had used had been removed by a thief. Lued- ert's laptop was missing, as was I his friend's cell phone. "Obviously as a university student you don't have a lot of resources," said Luedert, a PhD political science student. "And I had a couple papers written [on the laptop] so I had to rewrite them. That was very frustrating." Laura Jeary, manager of the BirdCoop, said that while she's not directly responsible for the lockers, the problem is that people don't bother to lock up their valuables. "We've never had that," said Jeary, when asked if thieves had ever removed people's locks from lockers. She said she was only aware of one theft since I school started in September, and that was from an unsecured cubby hole outside the entrance to the gym. "We're at a zero theft rate right now," Jeary said. But RCMP records reveal that three lockers, including Luedert's, have been broken into since September 1. Two of those thefts involved the removal of a lock. In 2007, there were 25 thefts from the BirdCoop Fitness Centre, said the RCMP. Thefts from lockers at the Rec centre are nothing new. Signs in the gym warn "Do not leave valuables unattended in lockers. Wallet lockers are available." And the 25 recorded thefts in 2007 were only those that the RCMP heard about. "Victims tend to call campus security first," said Constable Charlotte Peters in an interview. "Sometimes things get lost in translation." Because Luedert discovered the theft after 4pm, the RCMP office was closed for the evening. He contacted campus security instead and did not file with police until the next day. Jeary said that facility and operations coordinator Taira Jolie was the one responsible for security in the change rooms, but Jolie suggested it'sjeary's job. While she would not agree to be interviewed, Jolie wrote that UBC REC has encouraged campus security to significantly increase their presence in the BirdCoop. She also said staff are verbally informing people who rent lockers that they should not leave their valuables in them. As for increased security measures, Jolie wrote that UBC REC had considered cameras but scrapped the idea because of privacy issues. "Besides," wrote Jolie, "it is debatable how effective it is to have cameras installed at entrances and exits alone." The RCMP is looking at ways to fight locker break-ins by implementing a scheme similar to the "bait bike" program. "I'm actually looking into putting bait lockers into the high crime areas where there's theft from lockers. I'm in the process of getting the alarms," said Constable Meghan Driscoll. A bait locker would alert BirdCoop staff to a break-in as it was happening, allowing them to take down a description ofthe thief and call the police. But Driscoll warned that won't happen right away. Both the BirdCoop and UBC REC plan to continue reminding their clients not to leave valuables in lockers—regardless of whether or not they use a lock. In the meantime, Luedert will be reminding his friends to leave their laptops at home. \a wants to welcome everybody to our Store. Come and enjoy one of our great drinks in our COZY place! 1 ill 2A31 (Mon-Fri) Present this ad and enjoy a Zd for A. for ± Beverage Any Regular Size Beverage, After 6pm Everyday Compliments of: Blenz Coffee UBC 5784 University Blvd Offer Valid at Blenz UBC ONLY Free Wireless Internet! 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Without them, we couldn't power our labyrinthine production process. volunteers@ubyssey.ca c CuJ tui Editor: Trevor Melanson \ E-mail: culture@ubyssey.ca October 28,2008 | Page 6 Vancouverites thrill the world with dance Thrill the World took place on Saturday, October 25. Sixty-nine people dressed in zombie attire as they danced to Michael Jackson's "Thriller." Locally, the event took place in Kitsilano, but 4177 people from 72 cities were danc- ing. In Vancouver, $1000 was raised for the Food Bank. The event was inspired by a popular YouTube video that showed over 1500 inmates from a Philippines prison performing the "Thriller" dance in perfect unison. Thrill the World, which more than doubled their turnout from last year, is waiting on world record confirmation. NIMA KASHANI PHOTOS/THE UBYSSEY Asexuality is an orientation, not a disorder by Stephanie Dong Culture Writer Asexuality is not a disorder, as that implies mental or physical distress. Asexuality is a sexual orientation where a person does not experience sexual attraction. In 2001, David Jay created the first online asexual community, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). A year after it was founded, the community took off. Jay had two goals in mind when he first created the site: to create public acceptance and to discuss asexuality openly—with the intention of forming an online community for asexuals. Last Thursday, Jay gave a lecture on asexuality at UBC. Alongside him was Nicole Brown, secretary of Pride UBC. The lecture had an intimate and welcoming atmosphere. People were stimulated and actively participating in discussion toward the presentation's end. Jay covered topics that included community, romance, science, criticisms and challenges, as well as the goals he has for AVEN and asexuality. He discussed diversity in the asexual community and what romance and relationships meant for asexuals, who can experience romantic attraction to others—but some don't. Asexual relationships centre on the idea of intimacy without sex. Currently, it is estimated that one per cent of people are asexual. Worldwide, this trans lates to over 60 million people. However, that statistic is "one- study accurate." "It is based on a pretty broad study that was given around asexuality," said Jay, "but it's only one study that has confirmed it. There has to be more research across a broad population." Most asexual organizing takes place online. On AVEN alone, there are around 26,000 members, and most cities host meet-ups. Asexuals organize support through communities, blogs and meet-ups. The asexual community wants to gain visibility, which they aim to do through media, lectures and pamphlets. Once communities begin to establish, they can do outreach to LGBT groups, scientists, and sex educators. Asexuality is in the beginning stages of being known and understood by most people. "The media has been portraying us sensationally, which is good because it gets the word out," explained Jay. "The existence of asexual people challenges the way sex works. And we've gotten a lot of press, because we challenge those assumptions. The media has been pretty respectful, and is willing to let us come and tell our stories." To date, little is known about asexuality. Jay and the asexual community hope to work with the scientific community to help with research on human sexuality. "I can see us doing a lot more outreach to the mental health community to raise awareness once we have a scientific case," said Jay. "We're already having local meet-ups, and this is key to building relationship networks. We also want to develop language for asexual people to form relationships with sexual people." However, it is crucial where the asexuality community gets their scientific research from. There is some concern about who is doing and funding the research. "There is really only a couple of ways to get research into sexual funding," said Jay. "If you are a disease, people will be interested in finding a cure. There is a small amount of money available just to do scientific research on sexuality. There is more available in Canada...than in the US. In the US, pretty much all ofthe money is either government money to cure diseases, or pharmaceutical money to cure diseases. So if research is done in the US, probably it will be done by pharmaceutical companies because they think there is a pill they can develop to cure it. In Canada, it will be much more respectful because they're doing it to generate a scientific understanding of asexuality. Doing it in Canada will generate a positive response." The ultimate goal is for asexuals not to feel alone or unaccepted in the future. This lecture was one of many steps toward that goal. % Not interested, but it's not personal, goh iromoto photo illustration/the ubyssey »•. 10 ADVERTISEMENT THE UBYSSEY WWW.UBYSSEY.CA OCTOBER 28, 2008 am.S Insider weekly + student society a weekly look at what's new at your student society 10.28 a weekly look at what's new at your student society MEET N GREET VANCOUMEB CANDIDATE Al ouver City Councillor Candidates! This is a chance to you to get to know your candidates for the Municipal Election and ask them your hard hitting questions on issues that are important to you. Time: 10:00 a.m. - 3:00 p.m. Date: Thursday, November 6th and Friday, November 7th Location: SUB Concourse 08 Schedule NJJOhEZi 1 ANIGHT , OCTOBER 2fH TM^TKST MftJOiKT ooobsSem- 33T """ , fORBES ■twr COSTW www.amsevents.ca OROGERS Concerned about your carbon footprint? The last Thursday of every month is "Eco-Friendly Day" r^^ighter Footprint at all AMS Food Outlets Chocolate Label Zucchini Muffm Look for our new ecolabel at participating AMS food outlets ^Local (UBC Farm) ^Organic (ZucchinO^^ 3) Vegan (DarkChocoa contains no r D Eggs I EEWsub PROJECT The end of top-down planning. It's time for bottom-up planning. Now is your big chance to help design the NEW Student Union Building. Please participate to ensure that student needs are accurately accounted for, that student money is well spent, and that you leave a lasting impression on your university Please attend one or more ofthe following Thematic Sessions. The information collected in these sessions will be used to generate the design ofthe SUB. These sessions are organized by the AMS Student Society and are facilitated by students. To attend a session or several sessions relevant to your experience at UBC or to volunteer at a session, RSVP to subrenewal@ams.ubc.ca Nightlife & Artlife in the New SUB: Entertainment, Performance, and the Arts Tues., Oct. 28:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Council Chambers (Room 206) Sports & Recreation in the New SUB Wed., Oct. 29:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Council Chambers (Room 206) Religion & Spirituality in the New SUB Thurs., Oct. 30:12:30pm-2pm, SUB Room 212a Commuter Students and the New SUB Fri., Oct. 31:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Room 212a Creating a More Inclusive SUB Mon., Nov. 3:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Room 42T Zero Footprint SUB: Sustainability & Food Security Tues., Nov. 4:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Council Chambers (Room 206) Public Space, Inside and Outside the New SUB Wed., Nov. 5:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Council Chambers (Room 206) Reconsidering the "Underground Bus Loop" Thurs., Nov. 6:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Room 212a What Is to Be Done with the "Old SUB"? Fri., Nov. 7:12:30 - 2:00 p.m., SUB Council Chambers (Room 206) More info, visit the website at www.amsubc.ca The AMS Foodbank has drop-in hours on Mondays from 1:00 - 3:00 p.m. Tuesdays from 12:00 - 2:00 p.m. or by appointment. All students with a valid student ID card can receive a seven-day supply of nutritionally sound food. The Foodbank is located in SUB 58. Contact foodbank@ams.ubc.ca to book an appointment or to get more information about volunteering. Have you ever wished you could get tutored while lying around at home? Now you can. AMS Tutoring offers online tutoring in 100-level Math, Physics, Chemistry and Economics courses on Thursdays from 3-6pm and Sundays from 4-8pm. Check out the Tutoring website for more information at http://tutoring.ams.ub.ca/. lnion If you 'd like to submit a letter, please contact feedback@ubyssey.ca October 28,2008 | Page 11 Students for a Democratic Socie The keffiyeh kerfuffle Let's have our cake and eat it too! At least for the Farm Keffiyeh, hatta, shmagh, ghutrah—all are words used to describe the now ubiquitous scarf being worn on this campus and the world over. It has cropped up in Urban Outfitters (quaintly advertised as the "antiwar scarf"). It reared its ugly head in the Dunkin' Donuts Scarf-Gate, where celebrity chef, Rachel Ray, was lambasted for wearing one while slinging iced lattes (her rep later claimed that the scarf had a "paisley" design with no symbolic meaning attached). Kanye West dons one in his video, "Homecoming." They spring up at Vancouver hipster enclaves and they are being sold in every colour ofthe rainbow at the stands in our very own SUB. Sadly, it isn't likely that these people have suddenly all decided to show their support for the situation in the Middle East. The keffiyeh, to them, is merely a cool looking scarf. Some would argue that this phenomenon is a result of the postmodern era we live in. In postmodernism, the symbols of yesteryear are divorced from their original meaning. Decon- struction occurs and is meant to undermine the frames of reference and assumptions that underpin a text or artifact. This deconstruction is meant to provoke, to challenge us and make us reconsider what we believe to be sacred or significant. So, we must now consider: is this current trend a deconstruction, a reinvention of the keffiyeh? Is it creating new meaning by specifically imbuing it with no meaning at all? I think we all know the answer to this. People wear the scarf because they think it looks cool, because everyone else is wearing it, because they are trendy (how many people have a Che Guevara shirt hanging in their closets but can't even pronounce his name?). So here's your history lesson for the day: The keffiyeh is a traditional headcloth worn throughout the Middle East as well as in Somalia. The scarf, usually made out of light cotton, is designed to be worn in arid climates in order to protect from direct exposure to the sun. It can also be wrapped around the nose and mouth to keep out sand and dust. The keffiyeh has decorative strings along the sides and in some communities, the bigger these strings, the more value it has and the higher status it indicates. In the 1930s, Palestinian rural peasants who customarily wore the black and white version of the scarf led an armed resistance against British colonial rule. To escape capture, these fighters tried hiding in the big cities but their distinct head coverings made them easy targets. In order to protect and camouflage these resistance fighters, city dwellers adopted the black and white keffiyehs too. In the 1960s, the president of the Palestinian National Authority, Yasser Arafat, was never pictured without his keffiyeh. Arafat became a national symbol for the independence movement and the scarf's significance was solidified. Nemi Jamal, a Palestinian-American fashion designer, claims, "The Palestinian people consider this their flag." COURTESY OF NATA2 The keffiyeh is a symbol of resistance and solidarity with the Palestinian struggle. There have been times, throughout the last 50 years, where it has been consciously adopted and worn as a global symbol of unity against oppression and colonial rule. Today, it is purchased mindlessly. However, no matter how hard hipsters and fashionistas try and divorce the scarf from its social and political reality, it is still connected to various actual meanings. Urban Outfitters, under pressure from both the left and the right, had to stop selling their "anti-war scarves.' The left complained that it trivialized the Palestinian struggle, while the right proclaimed it a symbol of violent Islamic jihad. On their website, they explained, "Due to the sensitive nature of this item, we will no longer offer it for sale. We apologize if we offended anyone, this was by no means our intention." An Urban Outfitters manager in New York noted that the item had been their number one selling scarf. American conservatives also succeeded in getting Ray's ad off the air, as Michelle Malkin, right-wing blogger extraordinaire, shamed Ray and Dunkin' Donuts for their "hate couture" and promotion of "Muslim extremism." Dunkin' Donuts was so afraid of a boycott and the apparent "misperceptions" of what the scarf represented that the ad was hastily axed. The fact that these controversies are still occurring means that the keffiyeh has not yet lost its significance. Thus, it is even more important for average consumers to educate themselves. Open your eyes and consider your purchases. \a by Kalyeena Makortoff & Brandon Adams News Staffers These reporters came back from Thursday's Campus & Community Planning "consultation" thoroughly frustrated. Yet, The Ubyssey's cantankerous news editor Justin McElroy rose to the defence of the university's planning mouthpiece and its proposals, flatly stating, "You can't have your cake and eat it too." Well damnit Justin, you can! The Campus & Community Planning (CCP) office has laid out three potential options for campus development, none of which represent the ecological values that the university claims to hold so highly, and all of which propose the destruction of green spaces and the paring down of farm space. The first option, dubbed the "Traditional Campus," would place student residences right on top of what is now the UBC Farm and the Totem Field. As for the farm itself, it would have to break new ground further south—a prospect that one student summed up by shouting, "Whoever thought of that must have never planted a single vegetable in their life." The second option, "Villages in Precincts," sets residential hubs in varied densities throughout campus. It also sets one of these hubs on the existing farm to create an "eco-village" where scholars could observe urban-rural interaction. But the reality is, this observation could be done anywhere, and this would in no way legitimize the degradation of one of the last urban farms in Canada. The third option, "Campus Crossroads," shares similarities to the much reviled U-Boulevard project, demolishing a significant part of the campus core to create a dense group of buildings designated "Mixed use: housing, academic, research, service." In this plan, the farm would stay largely untouched, but there would be no concrete guarantees about how these "mixed use" buildings would allocate their space. Certainly, there is no guarantee in this plan for any specific amount of new student housing or academic space. Both in our opinion and the opinions of the majority of the consultees, none of these options are satisfactory. The first is simply a throwaway option: obviously no one is going to support a plan that completely destroys the present farm and that places both new student housing and academic facilities as far south on campus as is conceivable. The other options, while somewhat more preferable to the "Traditional Campus" plan, all have significant flaws. They do not reflect community interests as they were defined during the planning charettes, which took place earlier this spring. Yet, even if the CCP offered a decent fourth plan, one that didn't pit the desire for student housing against the desire to preserve the farm, the central problem underlying the whole process would still remain: thanks to decisions made by the GVRD, the UBC Farm (and Totem Field) sits on land designated as "Reserve Lands in the UBC Official Community Plan (OCP)." This means that even if the farm is ultimately preserved after this round of planning, it amounts to surplus reserve lands that "can be used for housing for faculty, staff and others." Translation: market housing. OUT OF THE FRYING PAN, AND INTO THE FIRE Now, back to our curmudgeonly news editor. McElroy's main argument was that students cannot expect to both protect the farm in its entirety and prevent further "market housing" developments if UBC is to hold onto a sizable endowment and respond to the demands for significant increases in student housing. And maybe he's right, but we should at least put up a fight before we plough up farmland in the interests of a bigger endowment and housing expansion. The OCP, which designates the farm "reserve land," is up for review once every five years. It was created in 1997 and reviewed for the first time in 2003—we're overdue. And in the face of development, a review which took the farm out of the OCP woud protect it from being developed due to its "reserve land" designation. The GVRD's vision statement for the OCP reads: "Through future planning initiatives associated with the OCP, a special university community will evolve through innovation, renewal and a quest for excellence based on experimentation and demonstration. It will be a diverse and stimulating place for living, working, and learning in harmony with the environment. The natural integrity of Pacific Spirit Regional Park will be a highly valued part of the community." So, if the GVRD thinks that we can make the university a "place for living, working, and learning in harmony with the enivronment," we should hold them to it. \a orts Editor: Shun Endo | E-mail: sports@ubyssey.ca October 28,2008 \ Page 12 Men's Hockey cruises past Manitoba The Thunderbirds were finally allowed to play at the new rink this weekend, located in the recently constructed Thunderbird Arena. They celebrated by winning back-to-back games against the Manitoba Bisons, both by a score of 3-2. The squad will play away at Lethbridge this weekend and try and sustain their momentum. The T-Birds currently have a record of 3-3-0. ABOVE John Flatters reaches out for the puck after slipping on to the ice. GOH IROMOTO PHOTO/THE UBYSSEY BOTTOM John Flatters reaches out for the puck after slipping on to the ice. GOH IROMOTO PHOTO/THE UBYSSEY The squad jumps up and screams as the team scores a crucial goa against the Manitoba Bisons, keegan bursaw photo/the ubyssey Students battle for the Gladiator title UBC Athletics hosted the UBC REC Gladiator last weekend. Students raced through the Colossal Maze, ran through the Inflatable IronMan Obstacle Course, and duked it out on the Joust. The two-day event was a success, with students engaging in carnal competition, harbandna singh photos/the ubyssey OCTOBER 28, 2008 THE UBYSSEY WWW.UBYSSEY.CA SPORTS I 13 Courtside Comment What me, CiTR and Palin have in common by Justin McElroy Columnist There was a time (around the age of seven) when I believed I could be a professional athlete. Once it became evident that my extreme physical laziness would render that dream moot (around the age often) I set my sights much, much lower: to become a sports commentator on TV or radio. My rationale was simple: I liked sports, I liked talking, and I had opinions. At the time, I thought this was a unique combination. For a while, I tucked my ambitions into an Al Gore lock box. The only real preparation I had, if you could call it preparation, was "broadcasting" a few Canuck hockey games in grade 8 with my friend—we'll call him "Ralph." This would typically consist of going to his house, turning on the hockey game, putting it on mute, and, for the next three hours, pretending we were Jim Hughson (Ralph), and...well, I'm not quite sure who I was pretending to be, other than "annoying commentator who speaks in cliches and occasionally makes fun of the play-by-play guy." But when CiTR told me that they would like me to do some on-air reporting and analysis on the Thunderbirds, I leapt at the chance to transmit my dream across the airwaves to the millions of people that would surely be hanging on my every word. I figured they would break me in slowly—maybe a half-time analysis of a basketball game, or a post-game interview with the football coach—which made it somewhat surprising when I was asked to be the colour commentator for a Thunderbirds women's hockey game with two days notice. I immediately said yes. A minute later, I had a mild panic attack. My knowledge of CIS women's hockey was somewhere between that of international cricket and the demographics of Nigeria. The best colour men have years of playing, coaching and broadcasting experience, and combine a keen eye for detail with plenty of background information on key players. I had sarcasm and statistics. Madden, McGuire, McCarver.. .McElroy? The writer experiencing his first broadcast, keegan bursaw photo/the ubyssey Fortunately, when I got to the Winter Sports Centre for the game, my play-by-play partner, Wilson Wong, put me at ease. "You'll be fine. Just give your basic thoughts on the game whenever there's a stoppage. If you don't have anything to say I'll keep going." Wilson also told me that he was a bit nervous as well, having never done hockey before. I told him that it meant we would both be doing our best impersonation of Bob Cole, the legendary CBC broadcaster who can go entire periods without naming a player ("The Ottawa forward blows by the defence- men...great save by the goalie!"). We both laughed. Sadly, it meant my best quip ofthe night happened off-air. The pre-game show provided a practice run for how the actual game would go. Wilson would talk for a good while about UBC's matchup against Alberta, talking about how young and inexperienced the T-Birds were, and how good Alberta was. Whenever he would stop talking, I would immediately be forced to launch into a crisp, clear, and concise opinion on the game, lest there be dead air. You're forced to state something that sounds insightful, even if you have nothing to say. Fortunately, I have experience in both debate and column writing. Once the game began, I settled on a strategy for getting by. Much like Sarah Palin, I was enthusiastic, but ultimately under-qualified, with no information about the other team (ie: foreign policy). So, like Palin, I would stick to careful, 15 second statements, making basic observations, mixed in with folksy sayings. And, given the setting, it almost would have made sense for me to start talking about hockey moms. However, as the action went on, I loosened up a bit. I interjected while the game was going on from time to time. With UBC breaking out to a shocking 3-0 lead, only to eventually lose 4-3 in overtime, I was given plenty of material to work with. I even developed an effective go-to crutch, in case I had to deliver insta-analysis ("If I'm Player X or Coach Y right now, I need to focus on Z"). So, all in all, much like Palin in the VP debate, I succeeded by surpassing my own low expectations. I asked my old play- by-play partner Ralph what he thought. "You were okay," he said grudgingly. First game: Success! Now, just need to work on a catchphrase...Xi BLOC PARTY INTIM AC Y AVAILABLE AT iTunes TEXT BP TO 311311 FOR THE MERCURY RIN $3.50 PER DOWNLOAD/ 3.50s PAR TELECHARGEMENT >R MORE INFORMATION PLEASE VISIT / POUR PLUS D'INFOS SVP VISITEZ - WARNERMUSIC.CA/TONE TON WHAT NOT TO BE FOR HALLOWEEN Queen's ——^ UNIVERSITY Features Editor: Joe Rayment \ E-mail: features@ubyssey.ca October 28,2008 \ Page 16 Know thyself, thy future diseases and thy fleeting hair DNA testing is now affordable for everyone, but do we want to know what it has to tell us? by Monica Tanaka eAzY