Wither.-^ JHot and• tow snatcbe^of hailrslwt, wow Ve abd sunshine. Tides — In and out. ' ilevatdrt«~ Up and Down. How's things — So and so. VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA, FRIDAY, MARCH 26, 1954 FINAL iririrC Town Terrorized By UBC Hoodlums 'Son' Team Flies To Tragedy Scene; Saves 'Son' Carrier By MACK (RAYNOLDS) A Vancouver Son reporter- photographer team and Pacific Western Airlines (no relation to TCA) Joined forces Thursday to bring Son readers today's outstanding coverage of the struggle for survival of little Willie Her- noid, who had inadvertently flushed himself down the toilet at his Burnaby home. Sparing no expense, the Son chartered a PWA plane to speed two reporters and a Son photographer to Burnaby to meet the hardy adventurer and provide the complete pictorial and writ- agement was somewhat dis- Riotous Revellers From UBC Rapped For Rumpus By CON STUFF REPORTER Another instance of flagrant UBC hoodlumism occured early today when J. Newton McSlurp, a third year Arts student, deliberately violated Vancouver's laws by parking illegally on Robson Street. _ This wasn't the first time that ^_-_—_—___-_-_-■-_-—-- UBC hoodlums had run afoul of tiie law in this city. Last fall approximately 5,000 of the young hoodlms invaded the peaceful American city of Bellingham and levelled the Leopold Hotel to the ground. The young hoodlums, who should have been home studying, or at least engaged in harmful skiing on Grouse Mountain, turned on fire hoses, smashed lamps, throttled the manager and raped all the laundry maids. HOODLUMS Needless to say, the hotel man AMAZING COINCIDENCE was caught by on-the-spot Vancouver Son photographer Roy LeBlink who snaped this amazing shot while on the way to a Mount Pleasant Twong Pouch Weaving Club assignment. Photog LeBlink, in one of the unbelievably concidental shots of photographic history, JUST HAPPENED to catch this portly young co-ed as she lifts the totem pole from the Brock lawn (the snitch). Ruthless Run Case Hit And Messy' By SIMMER HOT There is a messy, sopping, tear-soaked scene today at the home of Maximillian XXVI, 1984 W. 98th Ave. Max, a Mexican chihuahua, yesterday saw his little mistress ten details of the ordeal The Son was the first to tell readers of the horrible conditions little Hernoid labored under. When the Son team, (at the Son's expense) reached the scene, Wil- > the young hoodlums had the lie (a Son paper boy) was going temerity to attack one of the under for the third time. honored professions upon which j , , . . all Vancouver's tradition is* Pausing only long enough to based—the law enforcement, of-; take several dozen plx and sec flcers of Police Chief w H (got ure a Son tape-recording if Wil- an Irish Sweepstake ticket?) Mul-1 lies dying moan's the Son ex-:i|g{m { pense-paid team pulled the child j HOODLUMS to safety. | Theyoung hooligans, who train ' The Son reporters and Son for »u?h "typeof hand-to-hand photographers, in a Son car with f,ontact wi}^„st»ndin| Z a. i?!; a Son police escort, rushed the »ine;l!P- attacked and brutally story and pix back to the Son ;^at two of our officers (without, building immediately Just for; %dr°rcflcX ™>■ Saturdav| the enjoyment, of Son readers, j J^oCareTalfed StolhS! Incidently Willie died just be-1 Commodore Cabaret on Gran- fore the Son team left him to ville Street to subdue more of i APOLOGY The Vancouver Son Thursday inadvertently imputed doubts as to the sobriety of one Frederick Fume in a news story about an accident at City Hall. The Son begs the forgiveness of the offended person and earnestly hopes that no damage has been done his good name. The Son in no way meant to imply that Fume was even slightly intoxicated to any degree whatsoever. If this Earlier • in the year more of. impression was received, The Son hereby apologizes. pleased. Not content with this, the UBC hoodlums burned the Blaine customs office to the ground on their return to Vancouver. tush back to the Son building. However it was discovered later by the Son Morgue that he was these young university punks' who are continually getting into trouble and giving a bad name' , , , ..ii, »».«». , , ,,, , ' descended from aristrocracy so; to The Ubyssey, UBC's almost chopped down ruthlessly by a Morris Minor as she hobbled j Son readers may rest content sickenly clean campus newv - across Granville St. at 97th Ave. that it was aRoyarFlush. Paper:._ __„!_ on her specially-built prefabri-| _^n>"* k A I I" f\ __. cated crutches, shortly before; Q_,lJv# fWOIlOPOly rOrCOS VjUl Son' Brings Fortune To Poor Widow midnight. | Little Haemophelia, 19, a mid-j get, was the only mistress Max; Suppressed Competitors We would like to assure all Son readers that Frederick Fume was sober all day Thursday. Son' Steno Holidays At Flats By BORA MYLE It's a mighty leap from the boss's lap to the enchanting, exotic splendour of the Flats, but thanks to the Vancouver Son, I finally made it. I didn't know what to think when Heemie—the little dear— told me. We were just sitting there in thc office while he was had ever known, and Max loved; -ft-e Vancouver Son learned today that the Canadian Broad- j dictating "a"few:Tetters7when all his little mistress, even if she -, . .. , „ . „„„i.,«,;.,„ -;-u*_ «.„ „n Vw Ana of a sudden he said, "Well, Bora, did kick him in the chops when corP!n8 Castration has secured exclusive nghts to all hot-dog ; time hfla ^ l thinR { stands lor this summer s British Empire Games. should do a little something for CBC, this country's state-owned radio network (hiss), thus you." . '-. I said, "What could you mean Kisky?" "I've decided you need a lioli adds the hot-dog concession , chops Mrs. Camelia Slutchkept. 4437 he licked her puffy cheeks. He Catwood, picked up the Son on is wasting from sheer loneliness Thursday and discovered that into a shadow of his former self. she had been left a $700,000 for- After the accident, Max took tune by' an uncle in Puerto Rico one glance at Haemophelia's to lts ever-growing list of mono who recently died of heart at- broken body lying retching and polies. tack when a cap gun went off gurgling on gory Granville St., in tho legislative gallery whore then turned to run home with he was sitting. all his little Mexican mite. Earlier it was learned, by the Son, that CBC had gained exclusive rights to radio, TV, movie, In u statement to a Son re- He refuses to be coaxed from grj ancj comic book concessions porter. Mrs. Slutchkept, who had out of the garbage disposal unit a^ ^e BEG been forced into washing golf- where he intends to grind out balls for a living, said, 'I owe it the rest of his life unless some- • The acquisition of the lucrative al! to the Son. Usually I only use thing can be done. hot-dog business spells ruin for thc Son to wrap the fish scales You can make Max happy hundreds of frankfurter distribu- in but today I decided to read it." again if you have an extra little tors who, incidentally, read the You can have a subscription to mistress apound the house. Just Vancouver Son. the Son by phoning TA 7141 and pack her securely and send her asking for Sam. to the above address. The CBC is operated by the: same group which is in favour I 1 of TCA. CfumtnLf StoA. Chalet World tensions got you down? Get away from it all with a weekend atop God-forsaken Grouse Mountain. You will read only the Sunday Son—no world news guaranteed. Knitting, Gating, Son Reading, Eating. Sloping, Evacuating Excellent View of the Vancouver Son Tower VANCOUVER'S Only CR0MIE0WNED PAPER SON INTERNATIONAL NEWS Russia declared war on the United States today. SON PRAISED HICHL Y BY INTELLIGENT MLA High praise for the Vancouver Son was given in the Provincial Legislature again Thursday. J. Allen Smeed, MLA for Salmon Arm, told members that he thought a filler on page 46 of the Son's Wednesday edition was real funny. The filler read: "The modern high school student is a sex- crazed little s.o.b." Oh, Boy! Those Seals day. After all, we don't expect ' a person to work around here for 25 years without having ONE holiday." I let out a little sigh, which nearly popped my girdle (no, I '< haven't had it for 25 years), then 1 jumped up off Heemie's lap to i tell some of the other girls in | the office the news* j When I got back to Heemie's office, he was hunched over his I desk, working out the details | for my trip. j "We want your trip to bo en- ; joyable as possible, and we're 'going to pay all the expenses. , Nothing's too good for you. Of (course wo want you to write us i a story every day telling us what you're doing. We'll print them on tho women's page." "Anything special you want iu the stories, Heem?" "Nothing much, Just mention the Son at least 25 timta in every story, and don't let the readers forget who sent you. When we send an employee on a trip we want to let the readers BY TERRY CRAP Son Auistant City Editor Woof! Woof! That's how the! know about it seals bark at Stanley Park Zoo,1 "Where am I going Heemie?" according to zookeeper Alan | "False Creek Flats. The soen- Worst. ery's beautiful." CBC s Fault Again | There is much international news of concern in the world today. The war in Indo-China, the uneasy peace in Korea, tiie threatened ejid of tiie universe in the American atom bomb blasts in the Pacific. | The Indo-China situation is easy to analyse. It is a 1 well-known fact that the native Indo-Chinese are a cultured, mature people. Disregarding the Occidental world's mania for materialistic values, the basis upon which this highly intelligent people base their society is one to envy. I The Indo-Chinese people are, or were, a peace-loving people. They loved to sit around their, primitive huts on Sunday evenings and listen to the radio. Chance would have ! it that this friendly, peace-loving, cultured people would tune in on Stage 54. I Everyone knows the result. 1 The Indo-Chinese today are at war. They are engaged 1 in a bitter war which probably will go on for years. All because of CBC. Everyone knows that the Korean race is a simple people. They love the simple, basic life, complete with corn flake boxtops, soap operas and give-away programs. The only wavelength the Koreans can get is 690, CBC. Result: the Korean people are prepared to go to, war at any minute. All because of CBC. It is obvious that, underneath it all, Ameripans are frustrated. Actually, in spite of the extrovert, loud-mouthed society they typify, all Americans have inferiority complexes. Well, CBC annually takes all the radio awards away from the big American stations. Result: the U.S. has to show off in another manner—atomic blasts in the Pacific. All because of CBC. 1 Bloody CBC Harbor Span Needed With the new Granville Bridge completed and the building of a new Marpole span practically assured, City Council may feel itself tempted to sit back on its laurels with a boastful "look what we built." The Vancouver Son, always a pioneering newspaper, has consulted qualified expert opinion to determine' what is now needed to insure the unimpaired growth of the Lower Mainland. On the strength of this advice, The Vancouver Son, which first advocated the Marpole. arid Granville crossings, now proposes that a direct communicating link be built between the foot of Granville and Lonsdale Avenues. | The alternative is a bridge cutting diagonally across the harbor. This bridge would start at Hastings and Granville, clearing the CPR's water front facilities, with auxiliary ramps on Howe and Seymour, and cross in a wide curve over to the foot of Lonsdale. 'One of Dufton's Boys, eh?' THIS It THE SEASON ot Joyous awakening, of glorious rebirth ol nature, of beauteous trilling of feathery songsters, of soul- satisfying celestial grandeur; in short, this is the time when bounteous Mother Nature unfolds- her ample bosom after the onslaught of the icy blasts ef Winter's cold and the woodland rills sparkle swiftly through dappled glades once again. What a Joy it is to lie down on the fragrant grass and watch the little bugs running around at their little tasks. What a thrill it is te see the little ants carrying home dead,caterpillars for supper. What ecstasy to see that most noble of subterranean invertebrates, the worm, playing tug-of-war with the robin. The rapturous melodies of our feathered friends as they gracefully evade the embrace of the itinerant feline evoke paeans of praise for Nature's glorious plan. See the lithe tabby as he playfully bides behind a tussock of grass, observing the peregrinations of mother robin. He is going to give her a surprise. Watch! He leaves his place of concealment and dashes to her side, hoping to give her a fright, and his Little trick succeeds! She jumps into the air twittering excitedly, while pussy stands below, his tail wagging happily. How joyous! The children run gaily to and (ro in the spring breezes, casting their winter garments aside. They play their little game of tag with joyous shouts interspersed with the occasional sneeze, pausing only to wipe their runny noses or to shed a heavy sweater. Glorious Spring! op op 9p I THINK IMPERIALISM IS GREAT. Sometimes I think it's better than that, but most of the time I content myself with the happy thought that imperialism is wonderful. Mind you, I'm no reactionary, but I must say that imperialism is great. God and the Queen (God bless her), I say, God and the Queen (God bless her). Would God have created imperialism if he hadn't been in favor of it? Balderdash! Don't anyone tell you different, my friends, those natives are happy working for 3c a day. And they don't really mind working 16 hours a day, no sir. At least, I've never heard one complaining. i j It's these communists and ; socialists and liberals that are (causing all the trouble. Telling the natives about Sundays off and three meals a day and standards of living. Mush-minded idealists, ! that's what. And what if there were no colonies? Where would the Queen (God bless her) go every year? What would all those happy natives do with themselves if they couldn't walk a hundred miles overy now and then to huzza the Queen (God bless her) as she goes by? It just wouldn't be right. These mlsgu'.aed reformers don't know what harm they are doing. What if the Queen (God bless her) read some of their rabble-rousing trash and saw •some lie that the natives are getting tired of trekking across the veldt in their quaint costumes to sing songs for her? I bet she'd be heartbroken So just leave the natives alone; the Queen (God bless her) is happy. "■■P mmm Jock Wisserman CROSS MY HEART You may not believe it but this is. true. I was sitting in the back booth in Dean's Cafe when Louie the Up and Barney the Bastard dropped in, oozed into their seats and, while they were heating up shots in their teaspoons, I overheard this little story. It seems that one of the wheels in Mulligan's gambling Soon squad was involved in a floating crap game down in a eymour street emporium tother night while accompanied by a hat-check girl from the Penthouse who also had along her kid brother who knew a tipster at Lansdowne whose uncle went with a Cave chorus girl who recently was Renoed from a con man who hangs out in the back of a shop run by one of the B.C. Lions' executives who has dandruff. Well the defective detective drops about three G's in the bone game and is somewhat hot under the collar because he hasn't got anything up his sleeve (get it?—collar- sleeve). He whips out his book of parking tickets and clobbers the hat- check girl from the Penthouse who . . . Well "to make a long story longer, the goon squad square gets mad, picks up his marbles and toddles off home, saying that he will tell Watty all unless they give him back his money. And all the con man said was "My winnings make me feel like the bottom of a stove- grate, grate." And this is true!! Op Op Op More Dirt — What rising young exec who developed a thicW lip after being caught in an upper room of a prominent hotel will shortly get the can tied to him for his questionable activities along night-club row? V V 'op Crystalballing — As predicted exclusively here last week the application for a liquor license for a Main street eatery was turned down again by the Police Commission. The Police Commission had better pull up its flat feet as I see no reason why that eatery shouldn't have one of Mr. Bonner's coveted booze certificates. *v **V *r The Inside Dope — And it is reported that Margaret O'Brien, who was recently in town for a date with the Avon people, actually told her mother where to go one night after she got slightly tipsy at a 'coketail' party. I believe Margaret should be submitted to a strict Wisserman test. Op Op Op Wise Sayings — And if those kids out at UBC don't clean up their paper I personally am going to tell the Post-Master General on them. I didn't like that innuendo in that page 3 filler and remember, when they are suspended, you read it here firsts Around Your Dial — If you really want some good programs tune in CHUB, Nanaimo. The music on this program is topped only by the ivory tinkling of Hugo Sartoretto in the Grouse Mountain chalet. The joy of listening to Hugo is topped only by skiing on Grouse Mt. And this is topped only by the pleasure of attending a Son Salmon Derby (are you listening Sam?) Op Op Vp Note to Mrs. lay Walters — Concerning your husband, "Isy Is or Isy Ain't My Buddy?" . . . and is positively no truth to the rumor that I am the Ted Seaton who writes in Flash. MIN NND A FORTUNI /? » (M ¥f\ :■ / a THt WORLD'S MOST TRAVEL.ID SHOiS Your feet find on entirely new world of COI ond flexible ease in Clarks Desert Boot.j ideal shoe for leisure hours is a refined ri duction of the original desert boot sol known for comfort, by the men who M in North Africa. Smart casual %% in soft leather of sand shade. and heels of plantation (| rubber) crepe. All sizes: fitting; average price $1) At better stores everywl Pleose write fo' nomcf nearest dealer. three-more 'DESERT CASUALS OIMRT SAODU . . . leather In ejtamo-iuede flnitlv land dunet •had*. Carnally smart: ultra com- fortablt. C D. i. widthi tiiei 4 to I2i average price $12.93. TMI CHUmil ... The home ef comfort. Copied from the Indian native tandal. Durable calf leather in bamboo thade. Pure Crepe rubber tolet and heel,. Medium width, tiiet 6 to I2t overage price J11.95. DIMRT MOROCCA* Chomo-iuede flnhh m bl thicket thade. We oil dl caiuatt, this thoe hoi pure c| rubber tolet and heett. C. widthi. tiiet 6 to lZj'Ovoi price $12.93. nnU:UUaAA*¥, Morwatk, Com. By Mt Scotch K MAN'S MUSING For sheer, Grade A poppycock It's hard to beat some of the public utterances of American businessmen and I am contemplating a collection of the capitalist mind at work. • J.C. Stuart, a director of U.S. Steel, recently stated that the free enterprise system is necessary for individual initiative. I wonder if Stuart, from his palatial $40,000 home in Philadelphia, has ever considered the plight of the South African natives who toil for 35c per day in the silicosis-ridden mines of that country. It makes me sick to hear bloated public leeches like Stuart pontificate about the average man as he sips champagne at his country home. A good, hard 12- hour day at the mines would do Stuart's individual initiative a lot of good, if the natives could stand the stench of his money. And yet I still am receiving criticism for my series on the poor, downtrodden, champagne-less Soujh African natives. *r *r *T t My. it's nice here on my island away from the hustle and bustle of the city, the racket of streetcars and the raving of radio announcers. Talking to a friend and we agreed how unfortunate it was that the average woman today knows little of the unexpressable joys of scrubbing on a washboard. Man, in his haste for big- jer and better refrigerators, atom smashers and busts on his movie stars, has discarded many of the down-to-earth pleasures which made life really worth living back in the good old days when I wrote a column only three times a week. One of these forgotten pleasures is scrubbing on a washboard. Laying in my hammock, I observed Brown-Eyes this morning as she flicked a switch and sent her week's wash through the new-fangled capitalistic machine which saves her time, but deprives her of much wholesome pleasure. What many women today need is a good back-breaking session on a rough washboard. We are becoming too soft, especially our women who have too many modern appliances. I figured this out all by myself as I lay in my hammock. * * Into town last week and I gleefully stood at corner of Georgia and Granville and just chuckled. . . . my, but it's nice here on my island away from the hustle and bustle of the city, the racket of streetcars and thc raving of radio announcers. *T* *T* *f* Went out to my little beloved one-holer yesterday and as I sat there, idly toying with an old Eaton's catalogue, I sneered at the whole world. Here I was just sitting peacefully (I very seldom have to strain), free from worries or cores and millions of people — were grubbing for money, getting ulcers, planning wars, attacking the CBC and going mad from the noise of the cities. So I just sat then in my one-holer and gloated. and gloated. . . . Mv but it's nice here on my one-holer away from the frightening slush and slurp of city toilets. FOR SALE — 37,948 EMPTY beer bottles open for bids. Highest or only tender not necessarily accepted. Submit to The Ubyssey, Brock Hall.; •J «j u WANTED TO BUY — UN- abridged version of 1954 Sessional Law Examinations. Willing to pay top market price. '■ See Ivan Feltham. Law 3. FOR RENT—SPACIOUS CLUB rooms on campus. Owners forced to vacate. Apply to the 'secretaries, Newman Club and VCF. j LOST — IN THE VICINITY of Botanical Gardens, size 40; Maidenform bra. Finder please phone Ann Breastwork Hall. UP ONE NOSTRIL By Mamie Baloney I see mat our friends down south cf th? border have let lcose an A-bomb which went ou. of control. Scientists uont the Atomic Enerev Commission have admitted that the uower of the recent'atomic blast was far be- vo.-.d excectations and thr t the forthcoming atomic explosion fculd blew uo the world. This mav be all very* well, but what will the P-TA think of it? PANORAMIC VIEW of thriving young B.C. community is snapped by Vancouver Son photog Bill Dennit in a Vancouver We-Fly plane piloted personally by Fit. Lieut. Sam Crummy. Yup, Yup, one of B.C.'s future cities is shown, containing only two buildings at present — one is the City Hall, the other is a Vancouver Son paper shack. Canadians Say GOOSE BAY BUGLE;— We don't like Social Credit. Twong pouches, used by" Elso- from rhinocerus scrdtums by the domo natives, are fashioned village elders. L_ A I (J N O tySiyte 7^mc^^ time Now to Buy Carefree CASUAL CLOTHES Because Soon You'll be Taking it Easy • • e . • . exams over . . . the hard grind behind you. You'll want to relax . . . have fun . . . and the right clothes are essential. for the Men ... faded blues Jacket that's comfortable and smart looking. Navy blue trim. Pockets. Slide fastener. 5.50 Pants to match 4.95 Short sleeve California-made shirt 7.50 Eaton's Men's Clothing and Furnishings Main Floor for the JGirls ... "slim Jims" wool plaid close-fitting pants are news and comfortable. 7.S5 top with a shirt-blouse from New York (fashion-fresh, washable) 3.95 outdoors you'll wear a trim flannel blazer. Classic cut. ■ 14.95 Eaton's Sportswear — Second Floor y \ .,.--'' Bumbling llirds Whittle, Wind Aid Voltage Low Varsity To Worthless Win By SLAT PATTERY A sloppy, disorganized, scatterbrained bunch of UBC weakllnes pulled off the upset of the rugby Reason Thursday. They won a game. After compiling their worst losing, record in eleven years of unorganised rugby at the University — in fact after managing by supreme effort to lose more games in one season than their hapless predecessors had done in the previous eleven years added together — a dazed sixteen forgot who they were and scored 16 points to the University of California's 9 in the best mumblepeg contest seen on this campus in ages. The only explanation that can be given tor the lose-happy Birds duke win is that they had a 50 mile an hour head wind at their backs. Another theory i« that the waddling bears allowed the Birds to fly to attract a crowd to Saturday's game. The highlight of the game came when Max (Methusalan) Howell, Australian Wallaby vintage '08, drop-kicked the overgrown pigskin through the uprights from M feet out. Sunset's Sun Sets As Sausages Sizzle By SCABBY RISK Economy Sausage really showed their meat Thursday night in i skin-tight game as they came ap over the horizon and eclipsed .he bright glare of the Sunsets in a Senior B grude (Grade A nspection) game at the royal surroundings of King Ed gym. In other games, VAD Oilers greased the skids for the homeless OrphaneH kiddies and Lions ?rowled past the low-flying RCAF crew. PS. Chuck (Old Reliable) Dean wasn't playing. NO IMKr, FUSSY CUILS HEU! SPORTS i. - FOLLOW MY SON By Squirmin S. Vanguard 1 got tears in my ears from lying on my back crying over those poor little, brave little, goddam little Little Leaguers. Yes, those kids lost the series all right, but I tell you they put up a magnificent fight. And it wasn't Tremor's fault either. Trevor — that's my little boy — Tremor Vanguard. He was magnificent.I never seen a boy who could playlike that. But getting back to my sob story. I wish you could have been there fans. It would have done your heart good to see those kids play. It was a great game, that last one. It was the last of the ninth with two down and three on bases. I My Tremor, he stepped up to the I olate and you could almost hear ', the hush that fell over the crowd j is the pitcher be&an his wind-up. ; I almost forgot, the homo team i was one run up on vis. ' All that could be heard was a ■ [lull crunching sound as millions of molars in thousands of mouths gashed down on a trillion kernels j :>t popcorn. i The first pitch was high and ' outside; it caught Tremor on the ! "ui^e. I won i say the umpire was ; .mfair but he didn't put the kid | >n first for that obvious dust off. - Rut never mind: that's all in.; Ihe game. The next pitch came right down ! ■ hi1 middle and Trevor socked it •lear out of the park. Unfortun- , itely there was a high wind coming in from the outfield. It took hat ball, and wafted it right into 'he mitts of their center fielder. But never mind, that's all in the iame. Well as you might guess, that kvas the game. The kids lost, but hey put up a heart-rending, jock- .trap-straining, magnificent game. I cried so much, the tears ran iown my legs. In fact folks. I thought my pants would never 1ry. But that's all in the game. SPORTS EDITOR: SQUIRMIN S. VANGAARD STEWED SCORES SHUTOUT IN FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS By STEWED MACTALE The Son exclusively announces that Jerry OTlanagan, starry UBC football player, has not signed with Calgary Stampeders of the WIFU denying an earlier exclusive report on these pages that he would. 9rmOtkerCohtpau By Dick Bedclothes Working on the principle, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," your witless writer ventured out to that emporiupi of education — UBC — the other day and g*'n*d the dope On what the culture clinic calls athletes., .■•,, These weighty words are not ;to c^li down the meatballs of the swear and sweat trade at UBC, they are iust to shed a little light on a clouded subject. (Are you listening, Stuke?) Frankly, sports at UBC leave me colder than an eskimo's epidermis. To say that the Blunderbirds have not done so well in attackeletics would be like saying that Stuke signed Johnny Latt- ner. It just.aint} so! • While voicing the verbals with football (if you can call it that at UBC) Coach Don Coryell, the hula boy from Hawaii. I was struck with the fact that this poor wretch really believed that he would hav* a good goon squad como the falling of the leaves. According to confused Coryell, he has a sensational running back from Regina. (Are you receiving me Stuke?) If he is like Blurbs past running backs he should start running back right to Regina right now. UBC has the most honourable non-winning tradition of any larnin club in Canada and from what these weary peepers could perceive this year should prove no exception to the rule despite what Mr. Coryell says. Before the season is half over he will be singing "Take me back to Waikiki." It is somewhat easier to get a picture of Princess Margaret smoking a cheroot than to produce a winning team at UBC. ^--M_-__MB---B---a_--«-------a-M-a---_--^ THIS SPRING be RIGHT in style with RITCHIE shoes When you step out in a pair of Ritchies you're always a step ahead in style! Top designers gear their styles to the season's most popular suitings. Then skilled leather-craftsmen build your Ritchies in the richest of rich, pliable leathers. Your feet deserve a pair! Most styles from $9.95 to $19.95. This hairdo was matte with how permanent taflr styles • • • the spnial for w,^\\\\ Bobbi l'in t.uil Permanent is tftude to ftive you lovelier, suite r curls ... the kind you njeed tor today's casual hairdo*-like thc "Cotillion" pictured above. A lloblii wave is never tight, never lri//y. Right alter using Hohbi your hai) will have the beauty,.the body, the suit, lovely look ol naturally wavy hair. And it will altiy that way loi weeks and uweks! (.iving yoursdl a Hohbi is easier, quicker than you cut dreamed possible. You just put void hair in pin tin Is and apply Bobbi Ocmc Oil Lotion. A little later, rinse jvvitli witter,- let dry, by nth ujh t -anti Hint's till! No clumsy { • Uriels to ii.se. No help needed. -''■..'. Ask jor. Hobbi Fin £mi Permanent. JI you like ui.be in fashion — ii you can make a, simple pin" curl — you'll love Bobbi! $1.75 Jutt pin-curl as usual. Apply Hohbi, rinse I j minutes later. When hair is dry, simply brush out. No neutiali/ei needed. No curlers, no re setting. So easy, you do it yourself. w _■ -.-.cf-Trtcfin JMMtsf, Best-Tasting Cigarette Created for our 75//j Anniversary NEW "HI-WALL WELTS