THE HAZELTON QUEEK Caledonia, B.C. Vol. I. No. 5. Saturday January 15th, 1881. Gratis. At our office may be seen plans for the erection of paper mills. Tomorrow inking manufactories wire and glue, scissors and paste works with all the other main accessories of the large publishing trade to be conducted on the Skeena and its tributaries. Our best hopes are about to be realized. A statue of the pioneer of the press in these regions is to be erected on the summit of the adjacent mountain. Powerful telescopes will be distributed among our numerous readers, who will hand them down as heirlooms to their children. Thus the Queek will never be forgotten. We shall look calmly down on the busy crowds of happy beings that will look up to us as the progenitor of the noblest race of men evolved from the obscurity of the dark past. One slight glance through a telescope will inspire the dullest mind with luxuriant thought. There was a time when we thought of modestly withdrawing from literature. We almost feared we should fail to provoke even criticism. Conscious that the press was but feebly served by our poor efforts we struggled on until the latent talent lying then waste in every direction demanded a hearing. Competition put us on our mettle. We spurred our writers with promises of large salaries for their best productions. The plan succeeded. Now we cannot walk or ride or even drive without meeting men and also women with brains too large for their bodies. Literature has acquired a mighty impulse. Minds over-filled with culture and originality will now be eased of their throbbing treasure. The general public will revel in the brilliant strain of genius sparkling on all sides. They will pity the generations that were proud of Bacon, Shakespeare, Milton and Newton and clapping their telescopes to their eyes will exclaim that we owe all our advantages to yonder Queek. * The White Otter, translated from the Indian by Thos. Hankin, Esq. Now this “Wundaw” was a powerful pleasing Narcotic. Lost to the Indians of the present day, but certainly possessed by them years go, as the Indian name for tobacco means the “White Man’s Wundaw” and the Hudson’s Bay Co’s journals formerly at Fort Simpson mention it as a weed growing on Queen Charlotte’s Island and very costly. But to proceed. The Crane then told Scowdow that the Fin Back Whale had his lodge a little way from there and that he was one of its slaves and placed there to watch for any newcomers and give immediate warning of their approach. But the pleasing effect of the Wundaw had so tickled him that he was willing to tell Scowdow all he knew and help him all he could. He therefore informed him that Mr. Fin Back was working hard day and night and making a fin back whale of his wife, aided by his two slaves, the fisher and mink and the best thing he could do was to make friends with the Mink, then kill him and take his skin so in that disguise he might enter the Ffin Back’s lodge and help his wife to escape. The Crane also gave him a small piece of seaweed for him to eat and he would then be small enough to get into the Mink’s skin. So Scowdow paid him with another piece of Wundaw and went on his way. He soon arrived at the Fin Back Whale’s house and very cautiously peeped through the chinks of the mats that had been hung up round the fire. The fisher was throwing water on her stomach in order to make it white like the belly of the Fin Bback and the Mink was tending the fire (before which Scowdow’s wife was lying) so that her back would become brown like that of his master. Presently the Mink said I will go for more wood and the fisher said yes and I must get for more water. So they both went out of the lodge and Scowdow followed them to the place where the Mink went for wood. (To be continued). * On Thursday evening Mrs. Ridley gave a reading to a small but appreciative audience. Several influential members were “conspicuous by their absence.” For their own sakes this is to be regretted, as they missed a great treat. Their non-attendance was so strange a phenomenon that we can only account for it by supposing that the study of the Queek and the Thursday evenings wit combats have been so great a mental strain that rest was absolutely necessary. This is what we have feared. Last summer we were nearly worn out physically by hard labour, and now our brains are giving way under a surfeit of intellectual good things. Hoping to counter-act this, we have occasionally thrown off in the Queek a few light trifles, the efflorescence, so to say, of our Wit. We acknowledge that the disease has taken a more serious form than we had anticipated, and, in order to check it effectually, we intend next week to be so outrageously funny that with the mental reaction will disappear all traces of the disease. * We were informed by Mr. Woods that at Antiklast the mercury was frozen on 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th of December, last year and that up to the 10th inst, the coldest this year has been 4 below 0. * The Skeena just above the town was frozen across last Wednesday night for the first time this winter. * Notwithstanding all the influences brought to bear by the Medicine Men against the Missionary Work, Bishop Ridley has already over forty scholars daily attending his school. This fact speaks volumes. * To the Editor of the Queek Dear Sir, Much as I dislike rushing into print, in justice to myself and Taklah Lake I beg to inform “Tit for Tat” that his knowledge of what Taklah Lake is when it is blowing a S.E. gale is decidedly limited and, on one occasion, there was a gale blowing across the above named lake that no Steamer could have lived in unless indeed it was one equal in strength to that magnificent specimen of Naval Architecture the H.B. Co’s Otter. The writer having noticed the date of the aforesaid gale, and being at the time in communication with the various observatories in America was informed of the following facts, that on such a date a fearful gale passed through the various stations bound north and would touch Lake Taklah “en route”. I trust that “Tit for Tat” will be satisfied with this explanation which is longer than that I had intended. If there be any other circumstances as that he is in ignorance of, I will give him a satisfactory answer and please to sign myself, Ignoramus.