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The Ubyssey Feb 28, 2013

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 FEBRUARY28,2013 | VOLUMEXCIV| ISSUEXLII
HOME OF THE GARBAGE PILE KIDDOS SINCE 1918
HORNETS TRIPPER
GETS TIME
The peewee hockey coach who
tripped an opposing player at
Thunderbird Arena has been
given 15 days in jail P3
KISSING A LOT OF      CHILD CARE
PEOPLE STRIKE AVOIDED
Advice columnist Bryce Warnes
cautions against turning sexual
exploits into 'achievement
badges' pii
University reaches a deal on
wages, benefits with
campus child care
workers P3
Are you a US Expat or Dual Citizen?
FACULTY & STAFF WORKSHOP - IMMIGRATION, TAX & FINANCIAL PLANNING
l+l
This free workshop will provide
detailed information and an open
Q&A session for faculty and staff on
Canada/US tax reporting, financial
planning, and immigration concerns.
This workshop is intended for:
- Expatriate Americans Faculty and Staff
- Canadians that have returned from the US.
- Permanent or temporary relocations to the US.
Thursday, Mar 7th
5:30pm -8:30pm
Henry Angus
Room 243
RSVP or for topic details
please email:
UBC@pacificapartners.com // Page 2
WHAT'S ON
OUR CAMPUS//
ONE ON ONE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE UBC
THURSDAY / 28
EARLY
MUSIC ENSEMBLES
12-1 P.M. @ BARNETT HALL
Come here for early classical music,
courtesy of the UBC School of
Music. Bring your friends and enjoy
the soothing melodies. Free.
FRIDAY ' 1
ARTS LASTLECTURE
WITH MICHAELLE JEAN
8 P.M.® CHAN CENTRE
The Arts Undergraduate Society
presents Michaelle Jean, former
governor general of Canada
and current UNESCO special
envoy for Haiti. Arts Last Lecture is always one of the most
thought-provoking talks ofthe
year, so buy tickets early. $13.
SATURDAY ' 2
MENS BASKETBALL
FINAL FOUR
6 P.M.® WAR MEMORIAL GYM
Come support your Thunderbirds
basketball team as they take on
either UVic or Winnipeg. This is
one sports game you won't want
to miss. $2 for students, free with
Blue Crew pass.
ON
THE
COVER
About the typewriter: we used a Smith-Corona Sterling Automatic 12
for this week's cover shoot. The SA12 features a powered carriage
(which, upon hitting return, fires across the body at frightening speed.
FromtheTypedOn Paper typewriter blog:
"[Smith-Corona] put all these design elements together and used the
latest technology in the original typewriter design (typebars) before
finally having to move onto daisywheels and word processors. It is the
last gasp of breath for a design which lasted for so long."
Video content
Make sure to check out our
interactive interview with Toope,
airing now at http://ow.ly/i6M83.
►
'JJthe ubyssey
= EBRUARY28,2013 | VOLUMEXCIV| ISSUEXLI
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iews@ubysseyca
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LEGAL
The Ubyssey Is the official student newspaper of the University of British Columbia. It Is
published every Monday anc
Thursday by The Ubyssey Publications Sociely. We are an autonomous, democratically rur
student organization, and al
students are encouraged tc
aartlclpate.
Editorials are chosen anc
wri tten by th e Ubyssey staff. They
aretheexpressedoplnlonofthe
staff, anddo not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey
Publications Society orthe Unl-
versity of British Columbia. Al
editorial content appearing In
The Ubyssey Is the properly of
The Ubyssey Publications Sociely. Stones, opinions, photographs and artwork contalnec
nereln cannotbe reproducec
«l thout the expressed, wrltter
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alaclng display orclasslfieciacl-
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ad. The UPS shall notbe responsible for slight changes
or typographical errors that
do not lessen the value orthe
mpactofthead.
Profs passion for
river research
<AI JACOBSON PHOJWHE UBYSSEY
Arno Rosenfeld
Features Editor
Matthew Evenden started his job at UBC three
days after completing his thesis defence at York
University in Toronto. For the geography professor and Vancouver native, his UBC post was a
return to his roots in more ways than one.
"All of my research was on British Columbia at
that point," Evenden explained.
Since his second year at the university,
Evenden has been one ofthe only professors in
the department to teach or co-teach first-year
human geography courses.
"When a lecture goes well at the first-year
level, it's really quite an energizing experience
for me," Evenden said. While he said he is able to
teach more in-depth material in upper-level classes, it can be easy to lose sight ofthe big picture.
"At the first-year level, you're dealing with
such big issues that you have a pretty wide horizon in the lectures."
The son of a university professor, Evenden said
he knew from the time he graduated high school
that he wanted to teach. But teaching has at times
gotten in the way of his research, which focuses
on water issues, especially rivers.
Evenden said since his research often involves
travel, he is forced to research over the summer
and focus on teaching during the winter terms. In
addition to visiting archives, Evenden also tries to
visit the actual locations ofthe rivers and bodies
of water he researches.
"I'm sure this is also true for a biographer writing about someone's life: when you visit a place,
you just a get a different sense of your subject,"
Evenden said. "I'm trying to make sense of how
places have changed over time."
For Evenden, teaching is not always an obstacle
to research. For a book he wrote on the Bow River
in Alberta, Evenden teamed up with another
professor to lead a one-off course. The two led a
group of students through the Rocky Mountains
and across the plains of Alberta, exploring irrigation projects and other issues.
Through his work on rivers, Evenden said he's
become more aware ofthe environmental issues
surrounding water.
"I feel very passionate about rivers and about
how people treat rivers — and concerned about
it," he said. "I've come to know about the environmental issues through the lens of rivers."
Evenden decided to focus on Canadian rivers
in graduate school after becoming interested
in the research being done on rivers and water
politics in the United States. He is currently
finishing a book about hydroelectric power in
Canada during the 1940s, a project that saw him
travel to Finland to present at a conference on the
environmental impact of World War II.
Evenden is working on another project about
the history of Vancouver's water supply, and the
changing understanding of what purity means
when it comes to water.
"What has been viewed as clean water has
changed over time," Evenden said. He mentioned
the uproar that occurred during World War II,
when federal authorities decided to start putting
chlorine into Vancouver's water supply.
Evenden said UBC has more of a connection to
local water supplies than many realize. Decades
ago, a scale model ofthe Fraser River was dug
into the ground near the Botanical Gardens for
professors to gain a better understanding ofthe
river essential to the region.
"More generally, all the water we drink on
campus is coming from the surrounding water
sheds," Evenden said. "In some ways, we're the
end of the pipe."
In addition to his teaching and work on rivers
and water, Evenden is also chair ofthe Canadian
studies program at UBC. The program's McLean lecture series begins in March, featuring
Graeme Wynn, the professor Evenden travelled
with in Alberta, on the issue of sustainability and
environment. Xi // News
ORS WILL MCDONALD + LAURA RODGERS
UNIVERSITY FUNDING »
The B.C. Liberals say their plan to centralize university services will make up for their budget cuts, but others aren't so sure.
B.C. Liberals say plan makes up
for post-secondary budget cuts
CHARLESTO PHOJWHE UBYSSEY
Laura Rodgers
News Editor
Budget cuts for universities and
colleges in B.C. are less this year
than expected, but the Liberals
plan to cut even deeper in the
years after.
Their rationale for the cuts
is that schools can save a lot of
money by centralizing services and
contracts. The Liberals are cutting
$5 million from post-secondary
operating budgets this year, then
$20 million the year after and $25
million more the year after that —
easing back from the previous plan
of a $20 million cut this year and
$30 million the next.
Unions have been wary ofthe
centralization plan from the start,
fearing it could lead to job losses.
As it stands, the province promises
plans won't impact any existing collective agreements with workers.
NEWS BRIEF
Fifteen-day jail sentence for
youth hockey coach who
tripped player
Ayouth hockey coach has received a
15-day jail sentence for tripping two
players on campus last summer.
Martin Tremblay, who coached
the UBC Hornets youth hockey team,
will serve the sentence on weekends,
along with 12 months of probation.
He pled guilty to assaultfortripping
two players, aged 10 and 13, on the
otherteam during the handshakes
after a championship game. One of
the players suffered a broken wrist,
whiletheotherwas uninjured.
At Tremblay's sentencing, Judge
Patrick Chen said Tremblay's case
required a harsher sentence than
prosecution was seeking-30 days
house arrest. "It is necessary, in my
view, to express that society will
not accept the abuse of children by
adults," Chen said in Tremblay's sentencing hearing."Thetripping ofthe
boys was akin to a cowardly sucker
punch on an unsuspecting victim."
U BC has said that the team has no
real ties to the university other than
it played on campus. Kavie Toor,
UBC associate director, facilities and
business development, said only
teams that have UBC players or are
coached by members ofthe UBC
communitywillbeeligibletouse
UBCintheirname.
"The guidelines have always
been in place.... We're just going to
be enforcing it more stringently than
we had with this team," said Toor. Xi
And the NDP thinks the project
is a good idea too, but they've
considered giving universities and
colleges the money it saves so they
can spend it on other things.
"We'll do this in a way that will
not affect the learning experience,
and we still make a significant
investment in students [every
year]," said B.C. Liberal advanced
education minister John Yap.
The plans include obtaining
cheaper contracts for everything
from computers to credit-card processing, by having all B.C. post-secondary schools go in on the same
deal. The Liberals say savings will
definitely free up enough cash that
the cuts won't affect students, but
the NDP disagrees.
"The rationale the government
has put forward... is they're going
to realize some cost savings in
terms of administrative shared ser-
PARKS»
Wreck Beach
regulars push for
boat ban
Laura Rodgers
News Editor
Denizens ofthe bustling, bohemian,
clothing-optional beach that edges
UBC campus feel summertime
swimmers are threatened by boaters and jetskiers too close to shore.
The Metro Vancouver Board has
approved a push for more police
patrols in the area, but some say
this isn't enough and they won't
stop until boats near the beach are
completely banned.
Judy Williams, chair ofthe
Wreck Beach Preservation Society,
is pushing to have the boaters gone.
"Last summer was the absolute
worst," she said. "These guys start
coming in, on jet skis, ignoring
the buoys, drinking and being real
jerks."
Inthe summer, the beach has
long attracted a unique community of relaxed, often-nude nature
lovers. But, accordingto Williams,
it's started to attract a growing
number of young men on small
boats and personal watercraft —
men whose "macho" attitudes,
Williams feels, are an affront
to the beach's usual mood, and
whose antics may pose a danger
to swimmers.
The society first approached
Transport Canada to issue a ban on
motorized boats in the foreshore
area of Pacific Spirit Regional Park
in 2002, and a marked swim area
vices, and this will have no impact
on students," said NDP education
critic Michelle Mungall. "But to
anticipate this will have no impact
on students would be unrealistic."
Schools across the province
oppose any cuts to their operating
funds, and have been scrambling
to find ways to balance their
dwindling yearly budgets. "B.C.
universities have been challenged
to balance budgets and invest in the
future while facing static operating budgets and capped domestic
tuition," said Pierre Ouillet, UBC
VP Finance.
Ouillet said UBC has been working with other schools as part ofthe
project to drive shared costs down,
but detailed business cases still
need to be made before any savings
can come into effect.
The province identified a long
list of places where schools might
be able to save money by sharing
costs. There are plans to possibly
combine contracts for things like
vending machines, printing, food
services, shipping and IT.
Some ofthe possible savings,
according to a report issued by
consulting firm Deloitte, are due
to staff reductions. But according
to Yap, "We don't expect that [staff
cuts] to be a potential result."
Mungall said that if the NDP
is voted into office this May, they
will def initely work along the same
lines to reduce administrative
costs, but they still haven't decided
whether or not to follow the Liberals' plan to continue budget cuts to
post-secondary funding.
"Any government's goingto have
to deal with the revenue stream
and make decisions based on that
revenue stream," she said, tl
<AITLYNTISSINGTON PHOJWHE UBYSSEY
The Wreck Beach Preservation Society says swimmers at the popular clothing-optional
beach are in danger from boaters coming too close to the shore.
edging the beach was established.
But the society says boaters have
been behaving dangerously within
the marked swim area since it was
created.
Transport Canada has proposed
two different designated areas, one
for swimmers and one for boats.
The society balked at this, because
they think any accommodation
for boaters will only bring more of
them into the beach area.
The plan for this summer is to
put up more signs that advise boaters to slow down within the swim
area. Metro Vancouver is pushing
the RCMP to do more patrols of
the area during the busy summer
months, but they're refusing to
give any extra money to pay for
them. They say they'll continue to
work with the society to find a safe
solution for the area, but they aren't
willing to join the push for a Transport Canada boat ban.
"The Wreck Beach Society asked
Metro Van to do what they can to
make sure there is no access lane,
and no docking facility, on the
foreshore for motorized vessels
and especially for jet skis," said
Maria Harris, Metro Vancouver
director of Electoral Area A, the unincorporated area which includes
Wreck Beach.
"I hope they'll find something
to make it less attractive for jet
skis to bother coming to that area,"
Harris continued.
Although Metro Vancouver
won't be paying for any increased
police patrols into the area, Harris
said there are a number of other
ways they could be funded, including taking the cost out ofthe
provincial rural tax.
But for Williams and other
Wreck Beach regulars, a simple
request for more policing won't be
enough to solve the problem. "It's a
good first step," said Williams. "We
are going to continue pushing for a
full ban.... Swimmers and boaters
don't mix, period." 31
LABOUR»
Child care
workers reach
a deal
KAI JACOBSON PHOJWHE UBYSSEY
One of UBC's childcare facilities in the
University Services Building on West Mall.
Will McDonald
News Editor
Unionized campus child care
workers have reached a new tentative agreement with the university after three days of mediation
in response to a strike notice.
Neither the union nor UBC will
release the terms ofthe deal, but
UBC has said it is similar to deals
reached with other unions on campus this year. It is effective from
May 2012 to April 2014. The union
originally asked for wage increases
from the university to bring their
average wages up to at least $20
per hour. Workers currently make
between $11.81 and $21.19 per
hour, depending on education and
experience. Most other unions on
campus to settle a deal this year
received modest percentage raises
of 2 per cent for one year and 2 per
cent the next.
The workers, represented by a
bargaining unit within the B.C.
Government and Service Employee Union (BGCEU) local 303,
first served strike notice to UBC
on Feb. 21 after voting 94 per
cent in favour of job action last
December. On the same day, the
university applied for mediation
in an attempt to avoid a strike. The
bargaining unit represents around
160 childcare employees.
The workers had planned
rotating pickets at five daycare
centres on campus on March 1,
a move that could have affected
over 100 children. But strikes were
stalled when UBC immediately
called for mediation, and the new
agreement now ensures no strikes
will happen.
Mediation was first only
scheduled for this Monday, but it
continued until a deal was reached
on Wednesday afternoon.
During mediation, BCGEU
local 303 chair Andrea Duncan
said to The Ubyssey that mandates
from the provincial government
prevented UBC from offering what
she feels is a fair wage for early
childhood educators.
"We're really hoping that the
government will allow UBC to
break outside of that mandate and
pay these individuals what they
deserve," said Duncan.
Although Schmidt has
not released the terms ofthe
deal, he said it fell within
provincial mandates.
Schmidt said he was satisfied
that a deal could be reached at
the bargaining table without job
action. tJ NEWS    I   THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2013
AMS EXECS: THE REPORT CARD
For the first time this year, executives of UBC's AMS student society were held accountable where it mattered: their
pay cheques.
Last year's council gave execs a $7,500 raise, taking total exec pay from $25,000 to $32,500. But of that $32,500,
$5,000 is contingent on whether or not the executives meet a set of defined goals over their terms.
The president and four VPs each set their own goals, but those goals had to be approved by an independent committee of AMS councillors. Then that committee decides at the end of the year whether or not the execs have met their
goals, and gives AMS Council a recommendation on whether to withhold any of the money.
It's an interesting idea, but does it work in practice? Now that their terms have ended, we've broken down this year's
exec goals and how well they've been achieved.
PRESIDENT:
MATT PARSON
COMMUNICATIONS
STRATEGIC PLAN
Parson put together a plan to
streamline AMS internal communications, and he thinks it was
a success. He said it's "probably
one ofthe most impressive things,
I think, that happened this year."
RESEARCH GRANT
Parson wanted to fund research
related to UBC, post-secondary
education and the student experience. He planned to put $15,000 of
the AMS's money into this project,
and then he wound up getting
over a $100,000 from UBC for the
venture. The project is still in its
early stages, and no grants have
been awarded to students yet. So
long as another AMS exec picks up
the ball on this one after Parson, it
should become a reality.
BEER HALL SPEAKER
SERIES
Parson collaborated with the UBC
Terry Project to bring a series of
low-key yet intellectual talks on
subjects like oil pipelines, artificial
intelligence and the U.S. presidential election to the Gallery Lounge.
It didn't wind up being called
"Presidential Beer Hall," and Parson said he did about a third ofthe
work bringing it to fruition, but it
definitely did happen.
SPECIAL GENERAL
MEETING
Parson promised he'd get 1,000
UBC students together, the minimum number for an AMS special
general meeting, so he could make
changes to the society's bylaws.
The meeting never happened, but
changes to the bylaws did happen in a referendum along with
AMS elections.
COUNCIL ONBOARDING
PROCEDURES
Parson promised he'd make up
some training and information
materials for newly elected AMS
councillors. He didn't do that,
but he said the goal morphed into
putting together a handbook for all
AMS employees.
—Laura Rodgers
VP ADMIN:
CAROLINE WONG
EQUITY
Wong had a lot of goals for
equity-related projects this year:
making new policies for clubs, establishing new equity-related training
and working together with the UBC
equity office. She said she got a
new, more specific harassment and
discrimination policy for AMS clubs
and staff. And she's been consulting
with the UBC equity department,
but they are restructuring their
department right now and she didn't
make as much progress there as she
had hoped.
CLUB RESOURCES
Her goal was to give clubs more
professional development training,
and she said she worked with the
Centre for Student Involvement
and Careers to create club-focused
workshops run by UBC staff.
NEW INITIATIVES FOR
AMS ART
Wong looked at new ways to bring
in money for the AMS's art side, like
possibly loaning out works for its
permanent collection. She said she's
made that permanent art collection
viewable online and involved various clubs and groups in shows at the
SUB art gallery.
NEW SUB
Her goals basically amounted to
keeping the new SUB project on
track. She said some new committees have formed and the project is
currently within budget.
SHINERAMA
She made it a goal for this one-day
cystic fibrosis research fundraiser in
September 2012 to raise $35,000; it
pulled in $40,000.
WHISTLER LODGE
Wong promised to "develop a long-
term solution" for the lodge. She
said she's done consultations with
clubs, a survey and an in-person
lodge forum. There's no plan yet for
what will happen with the building
going forward, though.
—Laura Rodgers
VP EXTERNAL:
KYLE WARWICK
GOVERNMENT LOBBYING
Warwick was required to "implement an effective cross-campus
campaign on student financial
aid issues, including student
loan interest rates, core funding
levels and needs-based grants."
He said he achieved this goal,
and had 1,500 students to sign
pledge cards supporting increased
post-secondary funding by the
provincial government.
GET ONBOARD
This year his office started Get
OnBoard, a B.C.-wide campaign
lobbying for increased transit
funding in the Lower Mainland.
Although his AVP Tanner Bokor
led the project, Warwick is still
able to take credit for this one.
RENEW THE U-PASS
As predicted, the U-Pass program
passed in this year's referendum
with a 96.4 per cent approval
rate from the student population, slightly higher than his PAR
goal of 90 per cent. Although the
U-Pass price will increase to $35
a month in May 2013, it was still
"renewed at an affordable price,"
considering the cost of an adult
two-zone monthly pass is $124.
MEET WITH
GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
Accordingto his September 2012
Executive meeting, Warwick met
with a slew of local politicians,
including B.C. premier Christy
Clark, Surrey mayor Dianne Watts
and Electoral Area A rep Maria
Harris. He said he couldn't determine if any tangible results came
out of these meetings, but the
meetings did happen.
—Ming Wong
VP ACADEMIC:
KIRAN MAHAL
MIDTERM TEACHING
EVALUATIONS
Her first goal was to give students a
chance to evaluate their professors
partway through the term, which in
turn gives profs the chance to tweak
their courses before the term ends.
Mahal started a pilot project with a
small number of courses.
EXAM DATABASE
The creation of an exam database
is not near completion, but Mahal
was only required to submit a proposal and commission a technical
compability study.
EARLY EXAM DATE
RELEASE
Mahal said she completed her goal
of developing a proposal to advocate
for the earlier release of exam dates.
MENTAL HEALTH
NETWORK
One of her two mental health-focused PAR goals is to restructure
the UBC Mental Health Network.
She feels she successfully shifted the
group to become more of an advocacy-based organization.
REVISING COURSE
SYLLABI
The other mental health-focused
goal was to present a proposal to
create an insert to be included in all
course syllabi that provides mental
health and wellness information
for students. The proposal is being
looked at by UBC's Mental Health
Steering Committee before going
to Senate.
UBC-WIDE SURVEY
Along with former AVP Academic
Sean Cregten, Mahal administered a
UBC-wide survey asking over 2,600
students questions about the student
experience. With these results, AMS
will be able to back their lobbying
efforts with quantifiable data.
—Ming Wong
VP FINANCE:
TRISTAN MILLER
BUDGET CONSULTATION
PROCESS
His first goal was to have a "robust" consultation process for the
yearly AMS budget. Miller said he
considers this goal a success. Instead of creating this year's budget
by himself, he asked constituencies
to create their own budgets, then
worked with them to create the
final version.
THREE-YEAR FINANCIAL
PLAN
Miller has created a long-term
plan to change the AMS's financial
structure. He wants the AMS to
rely less on business revenue and
invest more money. He also did
work on a new plan for student
fees, but he wasn't able to bring it
to referendum.
FIX THE FINANCIAL
COMMISSION
Miller set his goal for this as
"correct Finance Commission
deficiencies to improve service."
He created a new position, the
funds and grants commissioner,
who also serves as financial aid
administrator. He also created
PowerPoint presentations to help
train new people.
WHISTLER LODGE
Miller promised to come to a resolution on the Whistler Lodge.
While the AMS conducted
numerous surveys to get student
opinion on the lodge, they didn't
come to a concrete resolution on
whether to buy or sell. Miller said
the AMS has drafted maintenance
and upgrade plans. But the fate of
the lodge is far from resolved.
FUNDING FOR STUDENT
ART
Miller completely dropped the ball
on this one. He said no progress
was made on this goal, because
other things arose during his term
and some projects took a lot more
time than he expected.
-Will McDonald // Sports + Rec
EDITOR C.J. PENTLAND
WATER SPORTS »
No ice, no problem
At the bottom ofthe swimming pool, another brand of hockey finds a following
Charlotte Tilstra
Contributor
Hockey in Canada has a cult
following, and its fans spent the
past few months of 2012 pining
for bloody fights and top-corner
goals during the dreaded lockout.
But there was another type of
hockey being played right under
the surface ofthe UBC aquatic
centre pool.
Underwater hockey is just like
ice hockey, except it's played at
the bottom of a pool filled with
water. And instead of toothless
brutes covered in protective
padding, it's men and women
with pearly whites in skin-tight
bathing suits. Which version
would you rather get into?
Underwater hockey is a relatively new sport. It was created
in 1954 in the United Kingdom
by Alan Blake in order to keep
the members of his swim club
from abandoning swimming
during the frigid winter months.
He needed a sport that could
be played in a pool; his idea, a
game called "Octopush," began
to spread. Its name eventually
changed to underwater hockey,
and in 1962 it was brought to
Vancouver. Now universities
across Canada have formed
underwater hockey clubs, and
there are world championships
held every two years.
The basic rules ofthe sport are
simple. "Hold your breath, get
to the bottom and hit the puck,"
said Jordan Fryers, a UBC student
who is training for Team Canada.
Underwater hockey teams
are typically co-ed. Players are
equipped with a snorkel, mask,
fins, a curved stick that's a little
bigger than a ruler, a swim cap or
helmet and gloves to protect their
hands. Using their sticks, teams
must maneuver a puck into the
Behind the masks and snorkels are athletes who play the sport known as underwater hockey.
JOSH CURRAN PHOJWHE UBYSSEY
opponent's goal, but unlike hockey, there's the added complication
of not being able to breathe while
playing. Plus, since it is a non-contact sport, any holding, obstructing, de-masking, de-finning or
injuring other players results in
a foul.
The best underwater hockey
players are strong swimmers who
can hold their breath for long
periods of time, but the game
is ultimately a team sport that
requires cooperation. In order to
score a goal, teams must strat-
egize on when and which players
visit the surface to breathe.
Six players from each team
are in play at once, and up to four
other players are substituted on
the fly for when players need to
breathe. The games are usually
composed of two 15-minute periods, and the goalposts are usually
50 metres apart. The depth ofthe
pool can vary.
Watching from the surface is
something like watching a group
of dolphins surfacing for air; each
player dives into the depths ofthe
pool, only to resurface when they
run out of breath and then dive
back down when they've caught
it. However, none ofthe real
action can be seen from above
the water, and spectators have
a hard time following the game
from the sidelines. This is why in
some cases, particularly the world
championships, multiple underwater cameras capture the action
and stream it live on the Internet.
At the end of August, Fryers
will travel to Eger, Hungary
with Team Canada to compete in
the 2013 World Championships
and play against teams from
Argentina, Australia, Germany,
Portugal, Serbia, South Africa and
the U.S.
Hold your breath, get to
the bottom and hit the
puck.
Jordan Fryers
UBC student training, for Team
Canada underwater hockey
He's competed inthe past as part
of Team Canada, and said how he's
lucky because it's given him the
chance to travel around the world
to places like South Africa, England
and Australia to compete and meet
people.
The UBC underwater hockey
club practices at the UBC Aquatic
Centre on Tuesday nights from
7-8:30 p.m. and Sunday mornings
from 9-10:30 a.m.
Drop-in for UBC students is
free for the first couple times, and
membership is only $6.
Perhaps it's time to snorkel up
and play a new kind of hockey in
water that isn't frozen. tJ
PLAYOFFS»
Looking ahead at 'Birds in the playoffs
C.J. Pentland
Sports + Rec Editor
A trio of UBC Thunderbird teams
refused to lose last weekend
in Canada West playoff action.
Women's volleyball, women's
hockey and men's basketball will all
continue their seasons this weekend, and all still have the chance to
come home with a national championship. Here's a preview of what
lies ahead for each team.
WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL
Regular season record: 21-1
Playoff record: 2-0
After receiving a bye to last
weekend's Canada West Final
Four, the T-Birds swept Mount
Royal in the semi-finals and then
took down Trinity Western in
the finals to capture their fourth
Canada West championship in
five years. The win also guaranteed them the first seed at the
CIS nationals, which take place
this weekend at the University of
Sherbrooke in Quebec.
The 'Birds kick off the tournament and their quest for their
sixth straight national championship on Thursday, when they take
on the eighth-seeded University
of Laval.
First serve on Thursday is at
2 p.m. PST. The semi-final is on
Friday and the final on Saturday.
WOMEN'S HOCKEY
Regular season record: 17-7-4
Playoff record: 4-1
They lost the first game of their
Canada West semi-final matchup
with Regina last weekend, but
the T-Birds stormed back in the
next two, taking game two 3-2
in triple overtime and blowing
out Regina 7-1 in the third and
decisive game. The series victory
not only moved UBC on to the
Canada West finals, but also gave
them a berth in CIS nationals for
the first time in team history.
The 'Birds will take on the
University of Calgary Dinos
this weekend in Calgary in the
conference finals. UBC was 1-2-1
against Calgary during the regular season, but they took their
last meeting on the road by a
score of 2-1. The 'Birds have also
won 12 of their last 14 games.
Some T-Birds were also recognized for their regular season
success. Leading the way was
first-year head coach Graham
Thomas, who was named Canada
West coach ofthe year after
leading UBC to 20 more victories
than last year. Also in her first
year with UBC, goalie Danielle
Dube was named a Canada West
first-team all-star after compiling 1.67 goals against average, a
.943 save percentage and 11 wins.
Christi Capozzi and Tatiana
Rafter were named second-team
all-stars. Capozzi was solid
on defence all season, racking
up a +7 plus/minus rating and
chipping in 13 points. Rafter
was the Thunderbirds' leading
scorer during the regular season,
tallying 23 points in 28 games,
and scored the overtime winner
in game two ofthe playoff series
to keep UBC's season alive.
Game one ofthe Canada West
final is Friday night in Calgary at
6 p.m. PST. Game two is Saturday at 6 p.m.; game three, if
necessary, is at 3 p.m. on Sunday.
The nationals start the following weekend at the University
of Toronto.
MEN'S BASKETBALL
Regular season record: 18-4
Playoff record: 2-1
The 'Birds had a scare last weekend
as they were pushed to the brink by
Alberta, but they came out flying
inthe decisive game three, getting
out to an early lead and winning
96-67. The win advances them to the
Canada West Final Four, which will
be hosted by the T-Birds.
UBC will take on the University
ofthe Fraser Valley Cascades in
Friday night's semi-final. The 'Birds
were 1-1 against UFV during the
regular season. A win would give
them a berth in next weekend's CIS
nationals in Ottawa and advance
them to Saturday's final, while a
loss would see them play in the
bronze medal game. A loss would
not officially dash their hopes of
reaching nationals, as there is an
at-large berth that is awarded nationally. Two losses on the weekend,
however, would most likely end
their season.
Tip-off for Friday's semi-final
contest is at 7 p.m. at War Memorial
Gym. The bronze medal matchup is
at 6 p.m. on Saturday, with the gold
medal game following at 8 p.m. Xi
BIRD DROPPINGS
T-Bird award winner;
Women's volleyball
CIS and Canada West MVP:
Shanice Marcelle
CIS and Canada West First-
Team All-Stars: Shanice
Marcelle and Lisa Barclay
CIS and Canada West
Second-Team All-Star: Brina
Derksen-Bergen
Women's basketball
Canada West MVP and First-
Team All-Star: Kris Young
Canada West nominee for
Tracy MacLeod Award: Zana
Williams
Men's volleyball
Canada West Second-Team
All-Star: Milan Nikic  THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2013    |    FEATURE
1st PLACE: FLASH FICTION »
My Half-Sister's Wedding
By Ellie Sawatzky
Our dad doesn't walk her down the aisle — in fact, he wasn't invited. But her
stepdad does the job, and he's a very nice man. I've never met him before today,
but I like him. He runs a boarding house for dogs, and he tells me stories about
his favourite guests. He talks to me like I'm not the daughter of a man who once
slept with his wife and made her pregnant — a long time ago, mind you, before she was his
wife, but still. He tells me about a wolfdog with yellow eyes — a marvelous creature, sleek
and fast. She was up every day with the dawn, like a rooster, howling to the sun instead
ofthe moon. "Best wake-up call I've ever had," he says, and his eyes wander over to the
dance floor, to the bride with her dress hitched up to her knees. A proud smile splits his
broad, rough face. He says, "Christ, she looks pretty!"
It's early summer, and the sun starts to set around
nine-thirty. It's been grey and windy all day, with
beams of sunlight escaping every so often from the
clouds. By sunset, the clouds have blown to wisps
and the bride and groom go down to the river to
have their picture taken on the bridge, the coloured
sky behind them. The bride has already had a bit too
much to drink. Days later, when she looks at that
picture, she'll laugh because her hair is in her face
and her groom is holding her upright. Her eyes are
closed because she's smiling so big.
At the end ofthe night I lean into the limousine
to say my goodbyes and final congratulations. The
bride kisses my cheek and her breath smells pink
and sweet, like champagne. The white bumper disappears down the dark road, and slowly,
as if roused from a beautiful reverie, the sequined and flowered guests trail out to the
parking lot. They slump into their cars, and they go.
The following afternoon, when our dad asks me over the phone if she looked happy, I
say, "Yes, yes she did." He says, "What about the weather? Was it okay? Did it rain?" I tell
him about the perfect sunset, the turquoise streaks like vapour trails, the quintessential
fade from orange to pink. Our dad has always appreciated a good sunset. My intention is
not to make him feel like he missed out, but to give him something to hold onto. That last
moment of daylight can feel like it goes on forever. We don't talk about what happens next
— the drop into darkness, and quiet.
Ellie Sawatzky was raised in the woods of Northwestern Ontario, where she learned the values of bear psychology and the joys of lake swimming. She moved to Vancouver in 2009, and
will graduate from UBC this springwith a BFA in creative writing. Her poetry and creative
nonfiction has appeared previously in Fugue Magazine, and her first play will be staged in
April in the Brave New Play Rites Festival. When she's not busy writing, you will most likely
find her in her kitchen baking bread, in East Van singing with a folk-rock cover choir, or wandering the streets with a borrowed dog.
2nd PLACE: FLASH FICTION »
The bride has already
had a bit too much to
drink. Days later, when
she looks at that
picture, she'll laugh
because her hair is in
her face and her groom
is holding her upright.
Save the Whales
By Russell Hirsch
That morning, Father said he was going to Mr. Wong's to talk business. Father's grey
hair was slicked to one side. It was actually a helmet. Sometimes he took it off and
where his brain ought to be, there was a machine like a paper shredder that he would
feed newspapers at breakfast.
"I will return tonight," he said.
"Will Mother look after me?"
"Your mother is sick. Leave her alone. And don't answer the door."
While Father was at Mr. Wong's, someone came to the door. They knocked and called,
"Hello! Is anyone there?"
I was not to answer the door, so I opened the window beside it. Outside stood a
young woman.
"Hello," she said. "Will you save the whales?"
"The whales?"
"They're dying. Are your parents home?"
"Father is at Mr. Wong's. Mother is sick."
"Well, give them this." She passed a brochure through the window. "And here —" She
gave me a foil, whale-shaped balloon tied to a ribbon. "Remember," she said. "All life is connected. Hold onto that and don't let go."
I sat on the floor all day and held the ribbon. The whale bobbed above me and shared its
At first, it looked like
someone was lying
under the covers, but
then the bed was
empty and all I saw was
a foil whale balloon
floating up and up and
up.
Wisdom From Under The Sea. I asked when Mother would get better. It did not reply.
Father returned late. I told him about the dying whales. He scolded me for answering the
door. Then he opened the window, snatched away my
balloon and shoved it out. "Farewell," said the whale.
"Farewell!"
Father lifted his helmet and devoured the brochure. He made a face like he disliked the taste. "Go
to bed. Now."
While I brushed my teeth, Father went into my
parents' room. Inside, I heard Mother cry out like
she was hurt. I went to the hallway. Water gushed
from under their door and over my feet. I was scared
and went to bed. Angry yelling woke me and I got up.
There was lava pouring from under my parents' door
now. I cried out in fright.
Father opened the door. Behind him, in the room,
I saw a tropical jungle beach, with waves crashing
and bats swooping about.
"Your mother is still sick. Do not think on it. Go to bed. Now."
The next morning, the floor was clear of water and lava and nothing came from under my
parents' door. Father ate the economics section for breakfast.
"Good," he said, digesting. "Good. Now, I'm going to Mr. Wong's again. Don't answer the
door today."
"How is Mother?"
Father had left.
When I went to my parents' door, I peered through the keyhole and could see the beach
from the night before. But when I opened the door, it was just my parents' room after all. At
first, it looked like someone was lying under the covers, but then the bed was empty and all I
saw was a foil whale balloon floating up and up and up.
I realized there was no roof.
Russell Hirsch is originally from Edmonton, Alberta, and currently in his fourth and final
year ofthe BFA creative writing program at UBC. His stage play "The Last Laugh" will be
performed at the Brave New Play Rites student theatre festival in April and his feature film
script Resonance is slated for production this fall. To learn more about Russell, check out
www.resonancethefilm.com.
3rd PLACE: FLASH FICTION »
4
Photosynthesis
By Kyla Jamieson
I met a woman who told me her secrets. She was sitting on a swing at Kits Beach in the
middle of January without a jacket on — bright sun, biting winds and her bare arms.
I asked if she wasn't cold and she said, A little, and asked if she could pet Ranger, my
Airedale. Sure, I said, but your hands will —
Smell, I know. My family had one when I was a kid, she said, already flailing her arms,
dodging Ranger left, right, high, low, then laughing and catching him in a hug when he tried
to jump up on her. He likes you, I said. I like you, I thought. Down, boy, I said.
I told her I was in the seventh grade the last time I tried to flirt with a girl on a playground. Did you like you better when you were a kid and didn't need a dog to help you talk
to girls? she asked. I realized she was older than I'd
thought at first.
I told her I liked a lot of things better then. Ranger
ran off to relieve himself and I hoped it wasn't anything I'd have to pick up.
Push me, she said.
Isn't it a little cold for swinging? I asked.
CI INS? She aSked. *t>s alittle coldfor everything, don't you think?
- - - -    - *       -  - Higher, higher! Her back was warm on my hands
and shook when she laughed. The air smelled of
cedar — when I asked if she'd noticed this, she
laughed harder.
What am I missing?
You ask a lot of questions, she said. Then she
told me that she was full of soil and a forest of
cedar saplings grew inside her. A small forest, she said. She kept her arms bare to feed
sun from skin to blood to boughs. She didn't need to breathe like we do because the
cedars are always sighing oxygen inside of her; she could inhale all your exhales and
breathe oxygen back into you.
Could you hold your breath forever? I asked her.
Not forever, but a long time.
Ifyou meet her you might see only a woman with blue eyes and laugh lines and bit-
ten-down fingernails and not enough layers on for the weather, but hers are hands that
can reach down her esophagus and pull up a cedar, root system intact.
I asked if she'd ever given one of her cedars away and she said she gave the first one
to her father. He planted it on a cliff overlooking the Seymour River. The day a mudslide
uprooted and buried it, a police officer knocked on their front door and asked her mother to sit down.
After that I stopped asking questions, found a bag dispenser and picked up Ranger's
shit. All you have to do is ask, and people will tell you. You'll wonder if maybe their
whole lives, they were just waiting for the questions to begin.
Did you like you
better when you were
a kid and didn't need a
dog to help you talk to
sheasked.
I realized she was older
than I'd thought at first.
Kyla Jamieson is a BFA creative writing student who once dreamed of growing cedar saplings
in her Brooklyn apartment and gifting them to her dearest friends. This is her third short
story since returning from a six-year fiction-writing hiatus. 8    I    FEATURE    I    THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28,2013
Ist PLACE: POETRY »
Summer Work
By Ellie Sawatzky
The morning of your last day — all sweat and hay, a grey ring of sun at the edge of sky, the
blind, blue-eyed collie at my heel, earwigs in the bottom ofthe wheelbarrow.
Dust when your car pulls up. I catch your eye across the yard, the tilt of your shoulders,
hitching up work pants on skinny hips. Caught, for one unsteady moment, like a tree pressed
forward in a windstorm, then back and on your way, hammer swinging from your hand.
From the barn, the white goat begins to bellow.
Minutes run like mice along the moss-soaked eaves, blood and tissue in webs across the
straw, and the white goat with gasping sides tries to stand.
A tangled mess of birth, the first I've seen. It leaves me dry, empty, tasting my teeth.
You take my hand, pull me sideways into the abandoned ice cream stand inthe woods. We
tack a rag to the service window, eat the afternoon in hungry spoonfuls, and when there's
nothing left we lie in silence, twigs cracking, raccoons in the roof.
We'll go back to wherever we were before summer work, rocky beaches, red sand and
mosquitoes, the charcoal smudge of a heron against the sky. We'll go back there, wash our
clothes, cut the tangles from our hair, watch the sun fade from skin over time.
In the almost-dark you pack your car. I watch from the barn and when the trunk slams shut
I feel the thud inside my chest. You catch my eye across the yard, and even the goats turn
their heads.
2nd PLACE: POETRY »
3rd PLACE: POETRY »
Mistake
Undiscovered
By Kirstin Doggart
What I liked most about you
was the alcohol in me;
foggy, forget-all-else fumes.
Not stumbling-through-the-snow drunk
but close.
What I liked most about you
were the books you promised to lend,
knowing just what I desired to get me there.
Sword and sorcery escapism,
eight months later, still on my shelf.
What I liked most about you
was that you never seemed to care
how much we talked or in this case didn't
between those monthly midnight visits
despite being in the same bar every week.
What I liked most about you
was how your political chatter,
aggressive and jarring, altogether not like mine,
fell to the floor with your stupid shirt
and stayed there till I left.
Kirstin Doggart is a creative writing major at UBC, focusing on poetry, fiction, nonfiction and
screenwriting. She dwells in Marpole, the little-known neighbourhood of Vancouver, with her
better half and her dying plants. She has been published before in Inside Passages, Spill Magazine, Perspectives Magazine and The Ubyssey.
By Michael Prior
A walker in the early morning claims to have heard the hum
of a wet finger drawn around the lip of a glass. The fieldnotes
are precarious, they balance on the page like acrobats.
Two more days of this and you'll call it quits. Whoever said
perseverance is beauty made plain never understood our work.
There is a swallow dancing across the suburb's low roofs.
There is a starling nesting in your hands when you fall asleep.
Binoculars were made to mar want with possession; the two
most obvious things make the most desirable emulsions —
consider an egg dissolving under a whisk. I understand
why the swallow refused stillness. The walker was puzzled.
You would not allow yourself to be heard again.
Michael Prior is a fourth-year English literature major. He works in a bookstore part-time
and writes whenever he gets the chance. His poems have appeared or are forthcoming in Contemporary Verse 2, The Antigonish Review, Qwerty, Branch Magazine and ditch.
The judges
Nancy Lee is a short story writer and novelist currently
teaching in UBC's department of creative writing. Her first
book of short stories, Dead Girls (McClelland & Stewart,
2002), was a finalist for the Ethel Wilson Fiction Prize and
the Danuta Glee Literary Award.
Leah Horlick is a writer, poet and spoken word artist from
Saskatoon, SK. Her best work has earned her a 2008 Short
Grain Award and a place among the top 15 poets in the
Canadian Independent Poetry Slam 2012. Her writing has
appeared or is forthcoming in So To Speak, Canadian Dimension, GRAIN, Poetry is Dead, Plenitude, and On Nights Like This:
An Anthology of Comics by Survivors. Leah's first collection of
poetry, Riot Lung (Thistledown Press) has been nominated for
a Lambda Literary Award and shortlisted for a Saskatchewan
Book Award. An MFA student in creative writing at UBC, Leah
is the poetry editor for PRISM international.
Anna Ling Kaye writes fiction, creative nonfiction and
translation. Her fiction has been published in Canada and
Hong Kong, and her journalism in publications such as the
International Herald Tribune and the Tyee. Her translations
have been set to music by contemporary composers. Anna is
founder and director of Hapa-palooza Festival, president of
the Asian Canadian Writer's Workshop Society and fiction
editor at PRISM international magazine. II Culture
ANNAZORIA
SOCIAL MEDIA »
I saw it through the Vine
New video-based social platform offers students a fresh way to procrastinate
Rhys Edwards
Senior Culture Writer
For a brief moment, you're watching a
copse of trees sway gently in the wind
while a distant sun sets. Seconds later,
however, you find yourself in the kitchen of
a Burger King restaurant, watching a jovial
employee attempt to slice tomatoes mid-air
with a cleaver. Then, you're whisked off
to the depths of a library to observe an
anonymous student struggling with their
homework.
This seemingly random array of places,
people and things continues to parade past
your retinas. You don't know why, but you
can't stop watching. These slices of life are
called "Vines," and they're sweeping the
world of social media.
Released this past January, Vine is a free
app that allows users to record six-second-
long videos with their smartphones and
embed them within tweets. The videos play
on a loop, but unlike .gif files, they come
with sound and don't need to be formatted,
so users can instantly share them on Flickr
and Facebook. Shortly after Vine's release,
aggregator sites such as Vinepeek, Just
Vined and Vine Roulette were developed to
allow browsers access to thousands of clips.
The brevity of Vines has allowed Twitter
users to express themselves with greater
depth and efficiency. Whereas a five-
word update and an Instagram snapshot
was once the gold standard for keeping
followers posted, Vines enable followers to
actually watch these events in something
approximating real-time — the phrase "You
should have been there" may soon become
redundant. The app also allows users to
edit footage to fit within the requisite time
limit, meaning that key moments can be
compressed into a brief clip.
As you might imagine, the emergence
of Vine has had a variety of repercussions,
some more predictable than others.
Within days of its launch, a deluge of
pornography flooded the main Vine Labs
website, and one less-than-kosher clip was
accidentally selected as a weekly "Editor's
Vine is the new app that's taken social media by storm.
Pick." The complaints of incensed parents
forced Vine Labs to implement new content
control policies and change the app's minimum age requirement from 12 to 17 years
old.
Less scandalous, but no less expected, is
3TEPHANIEXU PHOJWHE UBYSSEY
the mediocrity of many Vines themselves.
As with Twitter, many users abuse the app
to generate an utterly banal record of their
every waking moment: an unfortunately
large portion of uploaded Vines comprise
footage of trips to the bathroom, friends
sitting in bars and, of course, cats.
That said, many others have taken advantage ofthe Vine format to create whimsical, clever and downright artful clips.
Some users have exploited the app's
editing abilities to create short stop-motion films. The predominant example in
this genre is "how-to" cooking videos —
though perhaps even more common and
less informative are the videos of snacks
and meals gradually diminishing in size as
a user eats them. Other Vine users make
simple magic shows using camera tricks or
tell stories with Lego figurines.
Given their ease of access
and wide potential, Vines
represent the next logical step
in the development of social
media.
Celebrities have jumped on board, too.
James Urbaniak, who voices the titular Dr.
Venture in The Venture Bros., has used Vine
to create unique, self-contained dramatic
and comedic narratives, as well as parodies
of popular television shows. Meanwhile,
Gillian Jacobs, who plays Britta in NBC's
Community, makes absurd movies about
her collection of ceramic animals.
Given their ease of access and wide
potential, Vines represent the next logical
step inthe development of social media,
but their long-term effect on how we
communicate and relate to each other is
hard to weigh. Arguably, Vines cheapen
our experiences by reducing them to quick
soundbytes and disposable anecdotes. But
they also grant us unprecedented access
to moments that bring joy and comfort to
thousands of people across the world. In
their immediacy, Vines have the potential
to draw us closer together and broaden our
experiences. But, in doing so, they lessen
the effort required to make meaning of
these experiences. Xi
FOOD»
Poutine is one hot mess we'd love to get into
WHAT AM I EATING?
by Poutine Tyler
It's no secret that the idea of
"Canadian cuisine" is elusive. As
a nation, we're known for our diversity of cultures, and as a result,
our palette is a palimpsest of tastes
from all over the world. But ask
someone for a real, authentic Canadian meal and they might draw
a blank. We're a relatively new
country, so our own recipe book is
still forming.
Despite this, Canada has managed to contribute a few dishes of
importance to the modern epicurean Zeitgeist. One in particular is
enjoying a recent wave of popularity, both at home and abroad.
It's been adopted on the menus
of several fast-food chains and
gourmet restaurants. On March
9, an entire festival will be held in
Vancouver in its honour. It's one of
Canada's unhealthiest, squeakiest,
most delicious exports: poutine.
The origins of poutine are somewhat unclear. It is credited to somewhere in rural Quebec, but that's the
closest approximation on the record.
To this day, many rural townships
squabble over who is the rightful
inventor of poutine. However, it
is generally accepted that poutine
came into existence sometime
between the 1950s and 1960s. What
can be agreed on, at the very least,
is that poutine is much more than
the sum of its parts: crispy fries, hot
gravy and fresh cheese curds.
Today, poutine is now almost
as ubiquitous as the French fry
itself. It has been added to the
menus of McDonald's, A&W, RFC
and Burger Ring. But don't expect
the authentic taste from fast-food
chains like these. Poutine is at its
best in its natural setting: greasy-
spoon diners (or casse-croutes, as
they're called in Quebec). After all,
the word "poutine" is French slang
for "hot mess."
Remember, the key
to enjoying poutine
is moderation: it's a
slippery slope towards
stomach cramps, meat
sweats and high blood
pressure.
For an authentic option close to
UBC, try Zako's Deli at 500 West
Broadway. The small is large, and
the large is painful, but this family-
style diner offers an experience that
can't be recreated by mass-produced
fast-food poutine.
In March, the 2013 Festival de
la Poutine de Vancouver — the
third annual festival, running for
one day only — features the best
of French-Canadian culture in
music, entertainment and food.
A perfect plate to fall face down into at the end of Term 2.
Try pushing your boundaries at
the experimental poutine bar,
which is open from noon until late
and features a bevy of unexpected
toppings. But remember, the key to
enjoying poutine is moderation: it's
a slippery slope towards stomach
cramps, meat sweats and high
blood pressure. No wonder they
call it a hot mess. tJ
STEPHANIEXU PHOJWHE UBYSSEY
VANCOUVER, YOU A HOT
MESS
La Belle Patate
1215 Davie Street
Smokes Poutinerie
1
Coming home from a messy
night? Some downtown poutine
942 Granville
jointsto helpyou getyourgrease
on:
Dunn's Famous
827SeymourStreet II Opinions
LAST WORDS
FARTING SHOTS AND SNAP JUDGMENTS ON TODAY'S ISSUES
Save me from myself:
ban electronics in class
What's a nudist to do?
JET SKIS HAVE NO
PLACE AT IDYLLIC
WRECK BEACH
The Wreck Beach Preservation
Society wants to control jet skis
and pleasure craft around the
beach. But the enforcement falls
under the jurisdiction ofthe
RCMP, which puts them in a
strange situation.
We think banning powered
watercraft within a certain
distance ofthe beach makes
sense. People ripping around on
jet skis make it almost impossible to enjoy a swim or quiet
afternoon on the shore — not
to mention that the water itself
can be dangerous to navigate for
inexperienced seafarers.
But it seems counterintuitive for nude beachgoers to ask
for a larger RCMP presence
to enforce the ban. The situation is a Catch 22. The Wreck
Beach Preservation Society
wants police to enforce a ban
to preserve the character ofthe
beach, but the RCMP's very
presence threatens its less than
law-abiding atmosphere.
AMS TO OUTGOING
EXECS: NICE JOB! HERE,
HAVE $25,000!
This is the first full year that
AMS executives got a much
higher pay cheque: $32,500 for
the year, up from $25,000. It's
also the first year they were
required to set and meet specific
goals in order to get $5,000 ofthe
extra money.
Setting aside the debate on
whether the pay raise is justified, or whether the fear of
withheld pay is an effective
motivator, let's focus on a more
fundamental point.
If you're grading someone, you
need to have a clear idea ofthe
criteria. And you need to make
sure the person you're grading
can't exert unfair power over
the process.
The AMS executives each write
their own goals, but they have
to be approved and judged by an
independent committee of AMS
councillors. So, in theory, there's a
check and balance on this thing.
But when The Ubyssey tried to
find the authoritative list of goals
that was approved for each AMS
executive, we found out that list
didn't exist. And the committee
that was supposed to approve the
goals? They haven't submitted
any minutes for the past year.
They couldn't furnish us with a
clear rubric they would use to
approve or deny that $25,000
they're giving out; the closest
thing they had was a vague
PowerPoint presentation.
And anything they said to
us had to be approved by the
AMS president — you know, one
of those people whose pay is
being determined.
So nobody can decide how,
specifically, the AMS executives
are getting marked for their year
and paid accordingly. The president still has power over things
he shouldn't, including whether
the committee that gets to decide
how much he gets paid can talk to
the media.
The entire way this money is
being doled out is vague, unclear
and disorganized. If we were
grading them on how well this
process went in its first year,
they'd get an F.
?UEBEC STUDENT
ROTESTORS DON'T
ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT
ACCESSIBILITY
Once more, Quebec students are
inthe streets, tryingto prevent
any rise in tuition fees. The latest
proposal from Pauline Marois's
Parti Quebecois, swept in on the
wave of student unrest last fall, is
to raise around $288 million over
six years through increased tuition. That works out to a $40-80
hike per student.
This would more or less put
Quebec's tuition policy in line
with B.C.'s: annual, predictable
tuition increases designed to keep
up with inflation. But still, this
$288 million is nowhere close to
the amount of money Quebec universities say they actually need.
The new proposal pleases no
one. Universities are unhappy
because rising costs, coupled with
no new tuition money, have left
them badly underfunded. Students demand a tuition freeze.
So should Quebec maintain
its low tuition fees? We don't
think so. Student groups like the
Federation etudiante collegiale
du Quebec (FECQ) hang their
hats on the belief that a tuition
hike will prevent low income and
otherwise disadvantaged groups
from attaining higher education.
This is a fantasy. Even with Que-
_LUSTRATIONINDIANAJOEL^HE UBYSSEY
bee's current fees (the lowest in
the country), the province has the
"second-lowest university participation rate in Canada," according
to Bill Morrison.
Low tuition does not equal
accessibility. Because universities
are so hard up for cash, they are
unable to offer the same kind
of financial assistance as their
better-funded counterparts in
other provinces. A cheap university education is one ofthe
Quebec government's greatest
gifts to wealthy families, Bob Rae
once argued, and we agree. If
the students inthe streets really
wanted to make university more
accessible, they'd support modest
increases in tuition under the
condition that a significant chunk
of the new money be directed to
student aid. But that approach
doesn't make for catchy chants
and righteous indignation.
So bang your pots and pans,
Quebec students. You're running
out of sympathy.
WILL UBC TAKE THE
LEAD ON CHILD CARE?
Child care is in a weird spot
at UBC.
It's certainly a service that fits
into the image UBC is striving
for, what with its pay equity move
for female faculty. But, as in the
rest of Canada, there's a dearth
of spots available. Anecdotes
of people going on wait lists for
child care when their babies are
conceived are saddeningly common. In Canada, child care is a
complete policy vaccuum.
It needs support, but UBC is
hamstrung by the usual worries of money and budget, plus a
reluctance from the provincial
government to budge too far in
public sector bargaining. Those
have been overcome before, but
this dispute looks like it could be
a bit harder to resolve because the
parties seem to be coming to the
table with proposals miles apart.
Unlike last fall's labour disputes, garbage won't overflow
and cafes won't close. The general
population won't necessarily
notice if there's a strike, so there
isn't the same kind of pressure.
But the parents who desperately
need child care are goingto feel
the pinch more than ever.
So here's hoping for a swift deal
through mediation that reorganizes UBC's child care system so
it's not filled to bursting. Xi
PERSPECTIVES
byJaneLytvynenko
OTTAWA (CUP) - I am weak.
Instead of doing work, I go on
Twitter. When it's time to buckle
down, I have to turn on an app
that shuts down all of my social
media. I can't resist the vortex
of information on the Internet,
whether I'm in class, on the bus or
at home. I read the news when I
walk my dog and browse Foursquare when I come to a new place.
And I'm not the only one.
University of Ottawa professors
have the ability to ban electronics
in the classroom and I'm all for
this policy. One glance around a
crowded lecture hall will show
that most people are web surfing.
Why listen to a professor drone on
when half a dozen of your friends
are dying to tell you about the
latest gossip?
Students against the ban might
argue that we're all grown-ups
who assume responsibility for
our own actions, but that's not
realistic. At the end ofthe day, we
know we'll go on Facebook and
Twitter or browse cat memes. The
reason we're mad about laptops
being banned from classrooms is
that we wouldn't be able to stay
plugged in: we'd be forced to learn
really boring theory from a guy
whose name most of us can't even
remember. Not fun.
Personally, I've seen improvements in my grades when I put my
laptop away. I dusted off my pen
and paper and started bringing it
to the classroom, which made me
more engaged and involved. The
profs can actually see my face this
way, instead of tryingto make
eye contact with the cat sticker
on my computer lid. It's so nice
when teachers know what their
students look like.
Whenever I give a presentation and see people texting, I get
nervous and irritated: Was my
hard-researched material too
boring? Am I boring? Will they
pay attention if I start tap dancing? Our poor professors have
to put up with technologically
induced ADD in every class. It's
disrespectful and unnecessary.
The professors won't ever top the
hilarity ofthe latest Lazy College
Senior meme, but that's no reason
not to pay attention to them.
That's why I support technology bans in the classroom: they
are eye-opening and annoying,
and they work. It's good to know
I can survive three hours without
my dear laptop, and it's nice to
work on my calligraphy skills too.
Above all, I want to learn, even
if that means parting with my
MacBook for a while.
—Lytvynenko is the Canadian University Press Ottawa bureau chief.
Peer review not above
petty squabbles
PERSPECTIVES
by Shane Belbin
ST. JOHN'S (CUP) - At some
point in your university career,
you're bound to hear about the
importance of peer-reviewed
articles. You'll know that they
are what you're supposed to
be citing instead of Wikipedia
because they have to go through
such a rigorous review and
selection process.
And it's true — something you
find in a journal is a better source
than someone's rambling blog.
However, the selection process is
not as perfect as many think.
Identifying the problems and
proposing solutions has been the
focus of research by Memorial
University sociology professor
Anton Oleinik, who has identified a major shortcoming in the
much-lauded peer review process.
Although the reviewing of
articles for journals is generally conducted in a double-blind
fashion — where the reviewer
doesn't know whose work they
are reading, and the reviewed
doesn't know who has supplied the
comments — it is the in-between
step that Oleinik feels makes the
process highly subjective.
Once submitted to a journal, the
editor or co-editor of a publication
submits the article to external
reviewers, but these people are
generally the editor's personal
choice. The editor has full know
ledge ofthe person submitting to
the journal, and this has been seen
to impact the submitter's chances
of publication.
With personal biases relating
to the author's academic position
and institutional affiliation at
play, Oleinik feels there is a great
deal of subjectivity to this stage,
which manifests itself inthe publication patterns of journals.
Citing a study from 1987 on
the journal American Sociological Review, it was found that
new Ph.D.s were more likely to
be published than those with
established backgrounds, and
that assistant professors were
more likely to publish than full
professors, associate professors
and graduate students.
After recognizing the problem,
Oleinik proposed that a more
reasonable system would be one
paralleling the jury process of
the judicial system, where there
is a well-defined process for selection, not one person's choice.
Oleinik also took issue with
the appeal process of many journals, where the only option for
appeal is to contact the person
who originally rejected it.
In a comparison that many
students can relate to, Oleinik
stated that it's like taking a failed
paper back to the professor
who marked it, hoping they will
change their mind.
—Belbin is the science editor at The
Muse at Memorial University.
Everyone's got one
STOP BY A UBYSSEY OPINIONS MEETING, TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AT 4 P.M.
GOT CLASS? SEND AN EMAIL TO OPINIONS@UBYSSEYCA FOR MORE INFO II Scene
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ACROSS
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14-Total
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18-Mozart's" fantutte"
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■Unable to see
-Augment
-Stumblebum
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 well...
-Shower
32- Jackie's predecessor
37-Classical beginning
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40-In spite of
43-Beginnings
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25-
26-
29-
45- Word used to precede a
woman's maiden name
46- Brewer's need
47-Towel word
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49-Night before
51-From Z
53-Facing outward
58-Old-womanish
62- Camera
63- old cowhand...
64-Divulge
65-Slippery eel
66- Prehistoric sepulchral tomb
67- Sontag composition
68-Capone's nemesis
69-French summers
70-Mouthlike opening
DOWN
1-Pinchy crustacean
2-Soothe
The Kinsey Scale meets Pit Night
Hi Doc-
Last week at Pit night, my group
of friends drank a little too much
and soon enough we all made out.
The thing I was surprised by [was]
some of my guy friends are actually
bisexual and made out. lama very
open-minded person, and I truly
would like to have some sort of bisexual experience before I graduate
this spring. Any ideas how I can
bridge the awkwardgap to fulfil my
wish of trying it with a girl?
Thanks,
1 on the Kinsey scale
Heyl,
What's the rush? You say you
want to hook up with a female
before you graduate; is it because
university is a time for "experimentation"? If so, you may want to
examine your motives.
Maybe you see yourself 10 years
down the road playing some sort
of grown-up Truth or Dare and
freaking out a bunch of squares
by admitting you once went to
bed with a woman. If you're more
interested in having had sex
with a gal than actually having
it, completing the act may be an
uncomfortable experience. And
even if the lucky lady in question
was a random hook-up, you'd
effectively be using her for the
sake of obtaining a figurative
Achievement Badge.
I'll give you the benefit ofthe
doubt, though. Here's my advice:
use the Internet. There are plenty
of sources besides Craigslist for
a casual encounter. I wouldn't
recommend trying it with a friend,
or anyone you plan to see again;
sex can make things awkward between friends and acquaintances
both, especially if one or both of
you is trying a type of sex you've
never had before.
I wish you luck, 1. And as always, play safe.
YoDr.B,
Do you even lift?
Signed,
Brah
Dear Brah,
Did it occur to you that I was born
with tentacles instead of arms?
Tentacles which, due to their
pliability and constant slipperiness
(thanks to the shoulder-mounted
Misting Unit that bathes my entire
body at 30-second intervals with
lukewarm saline solution), are
unable to hold any weight greater
than five pounds above the ground
for a sustained period? Did you
think, even for a second, that I
might be a cephalopod?
In the future, please try to be
more sensitive.
Don't know what you should
do?Dr.*Bryce does! Ask online
at ubyssey.ca/advice/ and have
your personal problems solved
in the paper. All submissions are
entirely anonymous.
^Editor's note: Bryce is not a doctor.
3-The King	
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5-Accord maker
6-Of like kind
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22-Merciful
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57- Tolkien tree creatures
59- Wishing won't make__
60-Rich soil
61- "Orinoco Flow" singer
62-Author Fleming
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