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The Ubyssey Aug 24, 2009

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Array 24
AUGUST 24™, 2009
Paul Bucci: coordinating@uhyssey.ca
Samantha Jung: news@uhyssey.ca
Kate Barbaria & Trevor Record: culture@
ubyssey. ca
Keegan Bursaw : sports @ubyssey.cza
Trevor Melanson : features@ubyssey.ca
Gerald Deo : photos @ubyssey.ca
Kyrstin Bain :production@ubyssey.ca
Katarina Grgic: copy@ubyssey.ca
Tara Martellaro : multimedia@ubysseyca
Room 24, Student Union Building
6138 Student Union Boulevard
Vancouver, BCV6T lZl
tel: 604-822-2301
fax: 604-822-9279
web: www.uhyssey.ca
e-mail: feedback @ubyssey. ca
Room 23, Student Union Building
advertising: 604-822-1654
business office: 604-822-6681
e-mail: advertising@ubysseyca
BUSINESS MANAGER : Fernie Per-eira
AD TRAFFIC : Sabrina Marchand
AD DESIGN : Isabel Ferreras
The Ubyssey isthe official student newspaper of the University
of British Columbia. It is published every Monday and Thursday
by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an autonomous,
democratically run student organization, and all students are
encouraged to participate.
Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff. They
are the expressed opinion ofthe staff, and do not necessarily
reflect the views of The U byssey Publications Society or the
University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing
in The U byssey is the property of The Ubyssey Publications
Society. Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained
herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed, written
permission ofThe Ubyssey Publications Society.
The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University
Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP's guiding principles.
Letters to the editor m ust be under 300 words. Please
include your phone number, student number and signature
(not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with all
submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are dropped
off at the editorial office of The U byssey; otherwise verification
will be done by phone. "Perspectives" are opinion pieces over
300 words but under 750 words and are run according to
space. "Freestyles" are opinion pieces written by Ubyssey staff
members. Priority will be given to letters and perspectives
over freestyles unlessthe latter istime sensitive. Opinion
pieces will not be run until the identity of the writer has been
verified. The U byssey reserves the right to edit submissions
for length and clarity. All letters must be received by 12 noon
the day before intended publication. Letters received after this
point will be published in the following issue unless there is
an urgent time restriction or other matter deemed relevant by
the Ubyssey staff.
It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified
advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to
publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the
liability of the UPS will not be greater than the price paid for
the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or
typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the impact
ofthe ad.
Last Friday Gerald Deo, Keegan Bursaw and Samantha Jung
went to see District 9, a newly-released art-house flick. Sarah
Chung, Cynthia Khoo, Kyrstin Bain and Justin McElroy, followed
by a less-than-pleased Kathy Yan Li, took issue with their
abrupt departure.Tara Martellaro (who did not watch films),
Katarina Grgic,Trevor Melanson and Kasha Chang decided to
devote the evening to drinking instead. To spite the rest ofthe
clan Steve King, Caroline Harris, Kai Green, Ricardo Bortolon,
Brendan Albano, Cel Rince and Trevor Record drove to Alberta
packed like sardines into Paul Bucci's Nissan Micra (which had
been reinsured). Kate Barbaria and Craig Mewis had the best
weekend of them all.
V      Canada Post Sales
Number 0040878022
Canadian    printed on^100s%
University     'reeycledpaper
Press \!_\Q
© Puzzle
do ku
s by Pappocom
If you have an event you want listed
here, e-mail us at events@ubyssey.ca.
Living dead walk the streets of Vancouver
The streets of Vancouver were daubed a sticky, chemical red as
hordes of the staggering undead moaned and stumbled their way
across the city on Saturday, August 15. From the initial five hundred
writhing, limping bodies that kick-started the zombie invasion in
2005, more and more have been infected with the zombie spirit
as over two thousand participants came together for Vancouver's
annual Zombie Walk.
Ubyssey love campus.
Come write for us. We're in
SUB 24. You can also e-mail
us at: feedback@ubyssey.ca.
August 24
Final Destination Movie
Marathon • A marathon of the
first three Final Destination films in
preparation for the release of Final
Destination 3D. • August 24 @
6:30pm, The Norm Theatre, SUB.
Free Admission.
August 25
Linking E-Learning with the
e-Library • Hands-on workshop
where you can learn how to easily
and conveniently link from your
WebCT Vista course directly to
resource material from the UBC
ibrary. Bring your own citation lists
and/or reading lists. • August25
@ l-3pm, Location: Room 460,
Irving K. Barber Learning Centre.
August 26
How International Norms are
Built, Maintained and Destroyed:
The Case of Torture • Special
Green College lecture by UBC
President Stephen Toope; to kick
off 2009/2010 academic year
Wine and cheese reception to
follow. • August 26 @ 5-6:30pm,
Location: Coach House, Green
College, 6201 Cecil Green Park
Road. Free admission.
Xwi7xwa Library Summer Films
• Three films for the Xwi7xwa's
final film event of the summer
Showing: Indigenous Plant Diva,
Teachings of the Tree People, and
a people's choice. • August 26 @
1:15-4:15pm, Location: Xwi7xwa
Library Seminar Room 205, 1985
West Mall.
August 27
Spectral Theatre's Late-Night
Double Feature • A hapless scientist's attempt to develop a secret
weapon in the fight against crime
goes horribly awry and he unleashes a terror beyond imagination upon an unsuspecting world
Madness and musical numbers
unfold in From Beyond and Gigan-
ticle • August 27-29 @ 9: 30pm,
Location: 350 Powell St, $ 10.
The Class • An innovative teacher
attempts to use his methods on
a mixed race class in an inner-city
school in Paris. • August 27-30 @
7:30pm, Location: The Norm Theatre, SUB, $4 general admission,
$2 for members.
August 28
Dan Mangan with Aidan Knight
• One of two CD release parties
for Dan Mangan's new album,
Nice, Nice, Very Nice. • August 28
@ 7:30pm, Location: The Cultch,
1895 Venables Street, $18.
August 29
UBC Football vs. SFU Clan •
Come support your UBC Thunderbirds with their season opener
against local rivals SFU. Wear
blue! Be noisy! • August29 @
2-4:30pm, Location: Thunderbird
Stadium, $10. adults, $5 youth, $2
Dan Mangan with Meatdraw *
The second night of Dan Mangan's
CD release party for his album, Nice,
Nice, Very Nice. • August 29 @
7:30pm, Location: The Cultch, 1895
Venables Street, $18.
August 30
Rent • Last night of Fighting
Chance Productions' musical
adventure • August 30 @ 8pm,
Location: Presentation House Theatre, 333 Chesterfield Ave, North
Van., $25.
Ongoing Events
Malcolm Lowry Exhibition * A
showcase of one of BC's most famous writers. Lowry was a British
poet and novelist and best known
for his novel Under the Volcano
Curated by UBC Ph.D. Student
Mark Diotte. • July 20-September
30, Location: Rare Books and Special Collections, Irving K. Barber
Learning Centre.
TATAU: Samoan Tattooing and
Global Culture • Contemporary
significance of Samoan tattoo
traditions in what the Museum
of Anthropology is calling an "insightful and provocative exhibit."
Features over 40 photos by Mark
Adams, New Zealand artist. • July
29-September 30, Location: Museum of Anthropology. $11 adults,
free for UBC students, faculty and
staff with ID.
Jump Start • Provides new
nternational students with a
two-week academic preparation
for university life. Comprised of
lectures, classes, workshops, socia
and cultural activities. • August
19-September 1.
Campus for Christ • Weekly meet-
ng of UBC's Campus for Christ
for worship time, scripture and
discussion.*   Thursdays @ 5-7pm,
Location: SUB 2147216. Free.
UBC Power Walking Club • Power
unch walks every Friday, rain or
shine. Just 30 minutes of brisk
walking a day can produce multiple health benefits. Open to UBC
staff and faculty only. • August 28
@ 12- 12:30pm.
Anime Club Summer Informal
Showings • Anime showings, possibly cute girls in seifuku. • Fridays
@ 5-1 Opm, Location: Woodward
Christianity Explored • An informal course for people who would
ike to investigate Christianity or
brush up on basics. No previous
knowledge of the Bible required,
coffee and snacks required. • Saturdays @ 9-11am, Location: SUB
113, Free.
SUB LOWER LEVEL • (604) 221-4044
Fresh Mediterranean Food
Healthy Mediterranean Food  4/UBYSSEY.CA/CULTURE/2009.08.24
There will always be women in rubber flirting with me!
Give me a break!
—Maureen Johnson, Rent
Hiking Vancouver
A beginner s guide to the best Lower Mainland treks
Craig Mewis
Summer's almost over and the list
of things you had planned to do but
didn't is bringing shame to your
family. At the top ofthe didn't do's:
getting out for some fresh air and
exercise. But don't worry, you still
have a few more weeks before class
starts. So why not try going on a
hike? The Ubyssey has compiled a
short list of some of the good and
bad hikes in the area, as well as
some things to keep in mind.
1 Garibaldi Lake
Easy round trip: 16km/'6 hours
One of the best maintained trails
in South Western BC, the route to
Garibaldi Lake can be enjoyed as a
day hike, or as a way to get deeper
into the wilderness. The trail from
the Rubble Creek parking lot begins in the woods, but after 8km
it opens up into beautiful alpine
meadows, picturesque glaciers
and mountains. There are many
campsites along the trail, and the
area contains some of BC's best
hiking and scrambling. A campsite at this beautiful lake provides
a great base for exploring nearby
features like the Black Tusk and
Panorama Ridge, both just around
5km away. Panorama Ridge is
as beautiful as its name implies,
and the Black Tusk is a difficult
scramble for those who appreciate
a challenge.
2 Elfin Lakes
Medium round trip: 22km/8 hours
This trail is popular not only for
the spectacular views of the Tantalus range near Squamish that are
dominant throughout this Alpine
climb, but also for the incredible
amenities that are available to
the over-night camping crowd: a
heated cabin. That's right, for only
$ 10 a night you can stay in a lakeside cabin where you can swim or
explore nearby features like Opal
Cone and the Gargoyles in relative luxury. The cabin has "beds"
for 34 sleepers (bring your own
mattress and bag!) and provides
stoves, lights and a heater to ensure a comfortable stay. Popular
with back country skiers in the
winter and hikers in the summer,
expect this place to be busy!
3 The Lions
Hard round trip: 15km/7 hours
On a sunny day these two
bumps, affectionately known as
"The Lions" stare down on Vancouver and define the northern
skyline. They're known to the
Aboriginals as the "Chiefs Daughters", after a pair who obtained
the privilege of being turned into
geological features by inviting
warring tribes to their birthday
party, which lead to peace on the
coast. The Binkert trail starts from
Lions Bay and gains over 1500m
over the 7.5km journey to the
peak. Even those who don't elect
to climb/scramble to the very top
can enjoy the breath-taking view
of Vancouver from the look-out.
It's Highly recommended, but be
prepared to work hard if you want
to reach the top.
1 Howe Sound Crest
Unless you're using this trail
to reach Unnecessary Mountain*,
it's probably better left alone.
The rough undulating trail makes
you work hard while providing
little incentives to continue. The
trail is beautiful at first, providing
views of the coastal islands, but
quickly becomes rooty, muddy and
tiring as it ascends the summits of
St. Marks and Unnecessary. After
Unnecessary, the trail becomes
quite challenging as it approaches
the Lions.
2 The Grind
Probably Vancouver's most popular trail, as well as the most overrated. Because it is so accessible,
it is climbed by thousands every
year, which detracts somewhat
from that whole 'being in the great
outdoors' feeling. The trail, while
well-maintained, is crowded and
never quite escapes the ambient
city noise. Unless you're hammering out a lap mid-week to prepare
for a weekend spent hiking real
mountains, it's probably not worth
your time. The gondola ride down
is a pretty neat feature, though.
3 The Squaw
The trail has been described in
hiking guides as a "unkempt", so
don't expect virgin beauty. Located
next to Squamish, it is longer and
more challenging than the Chief
trail, from which this branches
off of. Your efforts would be better
spent exploring the three peaks of
the Chief, or the multitude of trails
that surround Squamish.
1 Cotton Socks
Cotton socks cause blisters. This
is especially important on overnight trips, but day hikers may
benefit from this advice as well,
especially if it's wet. Cotton socks
get wet easily, and once they are,
they will feel like sandpaper while
you hike. Go for a synthetic or
wool sock to avoid painful feet that
will distract you from the beauty
you're there for.
2 Not enough water
It's important to have enough
when you start out; plan on drinking one-third of a litre for each
hour on the trail, more if it's hot
and sunny. Bring a water filter, or
purifying pills, make re-filling on
the train easy and safe. However,
trails like The Lions don't provide
hikers with many opportunities to
refill their water bottles, so plan
3 Dying
Some of these trails are difficult. The scramble to the peaks
of the Lions and the Black Tusk is
dangerous, and a fall could mean
serious injury or death. If you
don't feel comfortable, you probably shouldn't hike it. Use caution
at all times in the wilderness and
be aware that wildlife may try to
eat you. Use common sense when
hiking, and don't go without a
map or knowledge of the area. Get
directions to these trails and some
words of advice by Googling some
reviews before you go—vancouver-
hiking.tripod.com is a great place
to start, fl
*In order to reach the Lions, it was
at one time necessary to cross Unnecessary Mountain, a requirement
which was resented by early climbers. It is no longer necessary to go
over Unnecessary Mountain.
■ ■ PLAYING   @   THE
The Class
Trevor Record	
culture@ubyssey. ca
Just when you thought you'd escaped the petty frustrations of high
school, they get dragged into your
university. The Class, known as Entre les Murs (between the walls) in
France, will be playing in the Norm
from August 27-30 at 7:30. Why
did the UBC Film Society elect to
screen it? Probably because it took
the Palme d'Or at the 2008 Cannes
Film Festival, in addition to several
other awards and nominations. Of
course, that alone shouldn't indicate that you will want to watch it.
The film takes place at an ethnically diverse inner-city Parisian
school. Francois Begaudeau, who
plays himself (and also wrote the
novel the film is based on), teaches
a class of 14-15 year-olds. His
teaching method is flexible and
tolerant, and he works hard to engage his class. However, as the year
goes on a series of conflicts with his
students challenges him to make
tough disciplinary decisions.
The majority of the film takes
place when Frangois is struggling
to keep his students attention, often leading to heated exchanges.
But these conflicts feel surprisingly real, even tame compared to
the sort of breakdowns that occur
in many high school class rooms.
The students aren't inner city caricatures, they are normal students
living in the city.
This tameness makes the class
a bit slow, even dull to some, but
it also sets The Class apart. In
premise it is strikingly similar to
the 1988 American film Stand and
Deliver. But while Stand and Deliver
had the hardworking, innovative
teacher's efforts rewarded with
a universal and extreme student
turnaround, Frangois' victories are
modest. His failures bring a level
of realism to the film, without the
extreme violence or consequences
that a similar film might employ
for easy melodrama.
Anyone looking for a flashback
to some of their more uncomfortable moments in education will
definitely want to check out the
film. It effectively takes viewers
back into the classroom—akin to
war veterans watching fireworks, at
times. But those looking for a night
of easy entertainment, or even a
feel-good story about inner city
youth overcoming their difficulties
are probably better off sitting out
this session of The Class. ^ 2009.08.24/UBYSSEY.CA/CULTURE/5
Bohemia lives again
Vancouver production of Rent captivates crowds
Kathy Yan Li
kyanli@ubyssey. ca
They have been selling out almost
every night, and they've held the
show over for an extra week due to
incredibly high demand. They've
made over $2000 selling buttons
to raise money for the Jonathan
Larson Foundation for AIDS walks.
There weren't enough programs
to go around. It was a warm, stuffy
theatre filled with the chatter of
excited patrons. Everything indicated Rent would bea great show—
and it did not disappoint at all.
Rent would sell even with mediocre actors, but what made it so
delightful was the amazing cast.
The intricate, heart-warming story
of a group of New Yorkers roughing it with empty wallets, drugs,
disease and love was brought to
life by the stellar cast performances. Jacqueline Breakwall wowed
the crowd as Maureen with her engaging and powerful monologue,
tickling the audience with her
outright sassiness. Christine Quin-
tana, a second-year in UBC's BFA
Theatre program, gave a very convincing performance of Mimi, an
exotic dancer who contracts HIV.
Her highlight was the awkward comedic timing with Craig DeCarlo,
playing Roger the rocker, during
their first meeting over a candle.
Cesar Erba, playing Angel, was a
pint-sized powerhouse who blew
the house away with her vocals.
One of the most touching scenes
was the support group meeting.
The song carrying the scene was
"No Day But Today," a stunning
group performance. There was a
touch of intimacy in the harmony
and openness of the actors as they
faced the audiences in chairs—one
of the very few times where they
connect with the audience.
Maureen (Jacqueline Breakwell) and Mark (Anton Lipovetsky) in Rent.
A medium-sized and energetic
orchestra played all the tunes in
the musical, including background
music and sound effects. Hidden
at the balcony on stage, they were
a delight, with the guitars and
pianos finding the delicate mix
required for a rock musical.
There was a slight lack of cohesion during the first half, with the
orchestra often overpowering the
vocals, making it difficult to appreciate the nuances of the characters.
The small space the actors had to
use at Presentation House made the
performances more intimate, but it
also made some ofthe group scenes
cluttered, and the choreography
static. It took a while for the cast to
adopt and commit to their characters' lives and stories. Once they did,
it was a dynamic and moving performance. On a bigger stage with a bigger budget, director Ryan Mooney's
production of Rent—the first ever in
Vancouver—would be wowing the
city and playing for months. But
even without that, it's still a quality
show with infectious enthusiasm.
Rent is playing at North Vancouver's Presentation House Theatre
until August 30. tJ
Edmonton-based band The Heard blows away a full house at the Bourbon, gerald deo photo/the ubyssey
Olio Festival gets a passing grade
Trevor Record
The first Olio Festival took place
at bars and art galleries across the
city from August 13-16. Combining
visual arts, stand-up comedy and
music, the organizers claim that
over 3000 people attended the various venues. The festival was organized quickly; at this time last year
it was naught but a vague glimmer
in the hearts of those who set it up.
But they had a number of partners,
including UBC's radio station, CiTR,
who climbed the ramparts of Vancouver to spread the word. Was it
any good? For a festival's first time,
yes. At least enough that it'll be exciting to see what they can throw
together next year.
The festival's music was their biggest draw. Venues were arranged by
musical themes; the Astoria hosted
punk and metal bands on Friday
while the Anza Club showcased
indie rock from local studio Mint
Records. A number of well-known
Vancouver   acts   ensured  that  a
crowd would come out to each
stage, supporting the lesser-known
acts who were filling the same bill
as well as ensuring that passholders
would move around from night to
night. The music was consistently
good, especially for those who knew
what they wanted.
Inevitably there were a number
of problems with the first-time festival, including some minor technical
problems. The main problem was in
the scheduling. The first two nights
had seven venues, offering a variety
of music. But by the third night,
there were only four venues, two of
which had live music. The Railway
Club faced an overwhelmingly long
queue as a result.
Of course, music wasn't the only
thing going on at Olio. A healthy
variety of local comedians took the
stage, providing improv, sketch
teams and stand-ups. Unfortunately,
they didn't all get a lot of laughs,
and only a handful had a refined
sense of timing. Unless you're into
heckling, there isn't much to be said
for comedy when it doesn't get to
you. However, the comedians did
manage to pack in fair-sized crowds
(though they may have been people
there for the music later on). Those
present for the comedy represented
a different audience than Olio's hip
music mainstay crowd.
Overall, the comedy and musical
aspects of the festival complemented one another. Unfortunately, the
festival's art didn't attain the same
level of symbiosis. When included
in a venue hosting music and comedy, the visual arts were generally
ignored. The art show at Grace Gallery (which was going on without
music) seemed disconnected from
the rest of the festival.
Olio organizer Jason Sulyma said
the festival has plans to get bigger
every year. This year, a few were
grumbling that Olio was Music
Waste, only $10 more. At $25 per
pass it wasn't breaking anyone's
bank, but since entrance to most
venues was $10 or less, the pass
wasn't a deal. But if Olio grows
much larger, next year the pass will
be a must-have. In a decade, it might
become a must-have for just about
anyone living in the city. \J
"Him & her" local act Falcao And
Monashee used the tried-and-true
back to the woods approach for
this self-titled album—camping
out on an island in some cabin
to make some music. Hence their
use of birdsong (barely forgivable), and the overwhelming
feeling of intrusion when listening to their self-titled efforts. Not
an album for parties or large
groups, it should be enjoyed alone
with a responsible serving of the
capacity-reducing substance of
your choice. Their quiet, layered
compositions and fuzzy lyrics are
a dish best served in the dark and
quiet—where it doesn't matter that
they have never so much as heard
of consonants.
Minor annoyances aside, each
song is esoterically wonderful.
"Secret Agent" is the soundtrack
to an arthouse film about former
spies, retired to the coast but
about to be embroiled in political intrigue once again—maybe.
"Parasocial," the first song on this
album to feature even vaguely
enunciated words, is also the
creepiest: trilling keyboards with
a steady, unnerving beat. Hip for
your Halloween party, or any time
you feel a sense of looming disaster. The real keeper of the album
is "Starlight," nearly five minutes
of Monashee's gorgeous translucent voice doing what can only be
described as "pretty high things,"
plus judicious use of xylophone. I
reserve high praise for a song that
not only uses esoteric instruments
but can get you laid (no, seriously).
The focus of the album moves
from small ("Teleportation,"
"Plot") to large; from earthly to
upwards ("All Terrain," "Starlight,"
"Heaven," and finally "Strange
Universe"). Tragically, Falcao &
Monashee's fantastic sense of
mood and mystery is offset by
cheap symbolism that only an
English major could enjoy. Nevertheless, Falcao & Monashee are
wholly listenable, alternately terrifying and soothing. They give us
a mean ambient soundtrack that
grows better with repetition.
Formerly Victoria-based quartet
the Racoons—now in new Kitsilano
digs, if we can believe their social
media—clearly miss their hometown. Why else would their new
EP be titled Islomania?
"Rise & Fall" and "No, it Meant
Nothing" are representative of
this album—a catchy chorus with
synth/keyboard riffs over the sort
of straightforward rising guitar we
all cut our inspirational rock teeth
on. Good, sure, but not seminal; repeated listenings hold no additional
benefits—save the joy of familiarity.
Lead singer Matt "Matty" Lyall
turns these songs into something
more than the sum of their parts,
with vocal alchemy reminiscent
of B. Flowers, he who made the
Killers' three-minute schlock club-
rock a better-than-guilty pleasure.
His voice is quite literally jaw-
dropping, the sort of big trumpeting baritone to melt the hearts and
minds of 99 per cent of shrieking
hipster girls (and ten per cent of
shrieking hipster boys).
Unfortunately, this is where
Islomania falls flat—without that
transformative voice, the Racoons
lose a lot of their get-up-and-dance
inspirational power. It's tinny,
it's disappointing, and it draws
your attention to things you might
not have noticed in the midst of
live music delirium—like how
they haven't left the high school
level of lyric-writing. Live, they're
swoonworthy magic; from your
headphones, less so. We offer
condolences to bandmates Jeff
Mitchelmore, Murray Mckenzie
and Alex Bodman. Despite being
regulation scruffy hipster hotties,
you will never get as much action
as your frontman.
Our rating: Four maple leaves out
of five non-innuendo beavers.
One good thing has come from
the disbanding of seminal Canadian group the Rheostatics, and
that is Dave Bidini's freedom
to indulge his sense of whimsy.
How whimsical, you ask, is this
album? If we compare The Land
Is Wild to the human body,
whimsy is oxygen—necessary for
survival, permeating every tiny
particle of life.
Between songs about burnout
hockey players and lesbian schoolteachers, however, are points of
real interest and pathos. Smokers
will rejoice to hear "Last Good Cigarette," a sing-along ode to slowly
poisoning yourself in the face of
the crushing weight of the modern
What makes The Land Is Wild
(occasionally) a joy to listen to
is the contrast between Dave
Bidini's clear, total, utter and
absolute love for all things Canadian and his overwhelming need
to take the piss out of it. "The
Ongoing Saga of Canadiana and
Canadiandy" is so full of literal
Canadiana (also jibes at America
and cussing) that the question
is not where the references but
where they aren't.
Nearly every song on this album
sounds incredibly gleeful. Even
revolutionary ballad "How Zeke
Roberts Died" seems more like a
campfire song than an earnest depiction of, y'know, wartime atrocities. When Bidiniband starts taking turns singing lines, you know
you're in for eight minutes (EIGHT
MINUTES?!) of mild discomfort.
Why, indeed, can't God save the
people? Why does God harm
the best? And why the hell, Dave
Bidini, have you set this theophi-
losophical crisis to a chirpy four-
four beat?
Don't answer that. It would ruin
the magic, tl
—Kai Green 6/UBYSSEY.CA/IDEAS/2 0 09.0 8.2 4
Happiness is the longing for repetition.
vv vv —Kundera Milan
Kasha Chang
Hello beautiful readers, and welcome to Too Sexy, The Ubyssey's
brand-spanking, shiny new sex
and relationship advice column.
We're a crack team of sexonauts
engaged bi-weekly to answer your
burning questions and satisfy your
curiousities. We'll illuminate issues you think the population at
large ought to know more about,
using all the resources at our disposal and every iota of cunning we
possess. But we can't do it alone.
We need your letters. So, if there's
a question you want to ask, or an
issue in sex politics you'd like to
see unpacked, or if you just want
to see your letter in print, don't be
shy. Here's your chance. You can
contact us at toosexy@ubyssey.
ca. Please know that your privacy
is important to us and the confidentiality of your identity will be
Now, let's dive right in. Here
are our first letters.
I recently started dating a girl
I've been wanting for over a year.
She's witty, sexy, and charming;
a complete package and I'm finding myself more and more in love
with her everyday. When we started dating, she told me she wanted
to be in an open relationship and
(excited to get this ball rolling) I
agreed. There's a problem though:
the more I think about this, the
more it starts to freak me out.
I've always been monogamous
(to the best of my abilities) and
sex for me is tied to love. What
scares me about an open relationship is the idea that she'll become
emotionally tied to someone else,
and she won't need me anymore.
I know it's lame, but right now I
can't even imagine sleeping with
anyone else (guys are supposed to
want sex all the time from many
women, right?).
So here's my question: how do
I get over (or at least stop thinking about) this fear? I don't want
to talk to her about it and run the
risk of losing what we have (she
seems to really believe in the open
relationship thing).
—Clueless Asshole Pertaining To
Open Relationship
Hi CAPTOR. There are a lot of interesting issues to unpack. Let's
start by debunking any lingering
myths about what guys are "supposed" to want sexually. As a guy,
your desires are your own; they're
not dictated by your physiological sex or any happenstance of
biology. Rest assured, you're not
a clueless asshole for wanting
to have monogamous sex with
just one woman. There's nothing
weird or lame about that, and you
don't have to justify that desire to
As for the rest of your question, although you profess a
reluctance to discuss the issue
with your girl, in this situation
that really is the best course of
action. If you attempt to suppress the doubts you're feeling,
you run the risk of losing what
you have with this girl through
mutual misunderstanding. You'll
become resentful of being in a
situation that makes you uncomfortable. Any relationship relies
on emotional honesty to function, but this is especially true
of open, non-exclusive arrangements. If she truly cares for you
as she should and you're willing
to sit down with her and divulge
exactly the qualms you expressed
in your letter, she should be
happy to talk the issue over and
reassure you. Moreover, it's likely she'll be able to put your fears
of losing her to rest with a few
simple words. It sounds like you
two haven't really talked about
her philosophy behind openness
in the relationship, and what
each of your needs are, which is
an essential conversation.
Finally, please know that open
relationships can and often do
work, so long as both partners
are willing to be honest and
discuss potential problems immediately and frankly. After
all, there are many kinds of
emotional bond, and lots of reasons to want to have sex with
someone. Friendship is a kind of
emotional bond, but people are
rarely afraid of their significant
other's friendships. It's healthy
for a person to have a variety of
emotional relationships in their
life, and these relationships are
nothing to be afraid of whether
toosexy@ubyssey ca
they're accompanied by sex or
not. Emotional bonds with different people can coexist; having
more than one doesn't mean you
"don't need" the others. In any
case, if this makes you nervous,
you and your partner should talk
about the possibility of being
physically open but emotionally
exclusive in your relationship.
We think you'll be able to
work things out with a little
Too Sexy
Some pictures from a friend's
album came up in my mini
feed recently and in one of the
pictures was one of the most
beautiful girls I had ever seen in
my life. I went to her profile to
see if she was in any of the same
networks as me, but she unfortunately lives on the other side of
the world. What would you do in
my position? Neither of us know
each other, but I am compelled to
add her despite this; otherwise, I
feel that I will regret not ever following up on an ambition.
Keeping in mind you don't know
this girl and have no basis for
attraction to her save her appearance in some photos, it might
be a good idea to try to find out
more about her if you're really
set on pursuing this. Can you access her profile? Do you share
any interests, and could you use
any of these interests to strike up
a conversation? Does your friend
know her and can they provide
any information?
Here at Too Sexy, we believe
that compatibility is more than
just physical attraction. That
said, we also firmly believe in
Facebook stalking and blind
leaps onto dubious turf. So we
think you should add her.
Happy hunting.
Too Sexy
E-mail your sexy questions—or,
if you'd like, detailed descriptions of your wet dreams—to us at
toosexy ©ubyssey.ca
Why iS it impOSSible to find some food on campus at 4am?
We realize that the people running the University Endowment Lands, on
which our university resides, want to maintain a goddamn hermetic bubble for all the residents clinging onto a mediocre middle-class lifestyle...
but at the expense of profits? Charge a 24-hour place quadruple for a
damn business licence—they'll make a killing regardless. Hell, a slaughter
after Pit nights. And why hasn't UBC gotten on top of this? To hell with
what the RCMP might think—they don't have a vote, so fuck those guys.
The Naam certainly hasn't been a gateway to hell, so what are people so
worried about? Time to experiment and make some money UBC.
—Ricardo Bortolon
Trevor Melanson
The Newbyssey?
Every year, The Ubyssey strives to become a better paper. All summer,
while our campus is warm and quiet, we prepare for our annual facelift. This time around, however, we've cut particularly deep with our
scalpel of change. In short, this ain't yo grandma's Ubyssey.
What we've tried to create is a paper for you. All of you. Even those of
you who don't really care about us, this campus, or anything that goes
on within its perimeters. We hope that even the perpetually apathetic
student, dulled by video games and sex on TV, will find something of
value in this paper.
Now look up. Look waaaaaaaaaay up. That's the flag for the new
Ideas section, which is replacing our old Features and Editorial sections. It's going to be sexy, sassy and awesome. We want you to write
in and tell us what you think. We want you to throw down the paper in
fury. We want to make you laugh. We want to make you cry. We want to
sweet talk you in the corner of a party and tell you that we're not like
other papers, that we're different, and we're not going to leave you for
some cheap whore like your asshole newspaper back home.
Speaking of sex and relationships, check our our new column by
resident Dan Savage-wannabes Kasha Chang and Austin Holm. They
will do the best to answer your questions on the intricacies of human
interaction, penetration and masturbation—as well as a little bedroom
flagellation (testify!).
If a porno were to be made about our News, Sports, and Culture
sections, it would be "The Ubyssey Does UBC". We want full-on, no-
holds-barred, pants-off coverage of campus. Every raunchy, booze-filled
corner of it. Plus the Olympics. We're totally on the Olympics.
Last, we'd like you to know that, above all else, we want to be your
campus newspaper. So come on down, check us out, and have your
way with us.  vl
We are looking for
PHP experts...
...with free time
please email
feedback@ubysseyca 2 0 09.0 8.24/UBYSSEY.CA/IDEAS/7
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••  .-.V-^>-,---*N*A.-.  •-■
Up!*.- »'.•
UBC graduate publishes
dystopian science fiction
Steve King
UBC alumnus David Simpson has
recently published his first novel, Post-Human. Post-Human is a
science fiction action-adventure,
set in a future Vancouver that
is populated by technologically-
advanced cyborgs known as post-
humans. Simpson has a MA in
English from UBC, and he works
as an educator.
Simpson published his novel
with iuniverse.com, an assisted
publishing service.
"There is a process where you
submit [the book], and it's vetted and it's edited, and it has
to be a certain quality. You also
pay them money up front, and
that covers the publishing cost.
And then once the book goes
live, that's really when they start
contacting you about marketing.
The marketing opportunities are
pretty great, and I've learned a
lot from them, but I passed on
most of them because they were
things that I thought I could probably do myself."
Simpson has produced his
own book trailer that he hopes
will go viral. "Almost every shot
in the trailer has heavy special effects, and the quality is outstanding. And the idea is to have it on
the website, posthumannovel.
com, and it will be hosted on
other places, and YouTube obviously will be the major one, since
that's where almost everyone
goes for online videos," he said.
In Simpson's story, tiny microscopic robots called nans (slang
for nanotechnology) manage the
future world. The nans have incorporated themselves into every
aspect of post-human lives. Nans
keep post-humans perpetually
young and healthy. Simpson described a post-human as "a much
exaggerated version of the modern human that we see today...
more and more you see people
carrying an iPhone around with
them. Sometimes we see people
with the little Bluetooth headsets walking around. More and
more information technology is
becoming synthesized with our
bodies. And in Post-Human, that
is taken to a whole new level."
Simpson said that a dystopian literature class taught by
Dr Gisele Baxter at UBC was
influential for him when writing
Post-Human. According to Baxter,
"the term dystopia simply means
'bad place.' That's something that
you're going to interpret in a number of different ways. I tend to approach it as fiction that represents
a vision of either the future or
some sort of alternate present."
If [robots] are capable of
making these sorts of cognitive leaps, then they can,
like those machines in The
Matrix, come up with an
idea of turning us all into
battery acid.
—Dr Gisele Baxter
UBC Professor
George Orwell's     li
and   Aldous   Huxley's Brave New World
are two novels commonly
considered    to    be    dystopian
Baxter was glad to hear that'
her popular speculative fiction
class was influential to Simpson's book. "I'm delighted to see
it because David is one of my
former students and I supervised
his graduating honours essay."
Simpson has also used his story
to explore philosophical and religious concepts. "I am very aware
that the novel has existential elements. And I am also very aware
that it has Nietzschean elements
too. And with existentialism,
while a lot of people look at it as
being beliefs, more than anything
else it's a philosophy about taking
control of your own life."
Simpson described protagonist James Keats as "a Christ-like
figure, which is completely unintentional, but it is true that he is
referred to as being at the same
time both a father and a son to
the same characters—completely
accidental. And when people
read the book, I think they will
see there are even more similarities between his narrative and
the narrative of Christ. All of it is
completely unintentional, which
I find as the writer very interesting. It's so fascinating to see
your subconscious at work, and, I
suppose, to see how the superego
influences what you write."
Simpson, who grew up going
to Catholic schools, and who was
a former altar boy, does not want
to divulge his own views on religion. "I don't want to give away
whether or not I am a devout
• z,*.*Yzvn?
MPr ..'•v'\:'~v^'^/ . •  ..
*. ir-'-«A
^'-v^v"-.:'   '
Christian, or if I've switched to
Buddhism, or if I'm an atheist.
[I want] people to be able to read
the novel and wonder what my
view is, because I'm hopeful that
I was able to give more than one
side to the debate."
Dr Baxter clarified the difference between dystopian and Utopian science fiction. "Star Trek
always ultimately takes a positive
view of the capacity of human
beings. I think in dystopian fiction, this would be regarded as
something to fear. If [robots] are
capable of making these sorts
of cognitive leaps, then they
can, like those machines in The
Matrix, come up with an idea of
turning us all into battery acid. I
think this is fundamentally the
attitude difference that separates
the world of Star Trek from the
general landscape of dystopian
It could be argued that this
fear of artificial life in dystopian fiction can be traced back to
Frankenstein, in which Dr Frankenstein's creation turns against
Simpson hopes his book will be
influential, and that his method
of publishing and marketing will
persuade people to see things differently. "I think that in a lot of
ways, the book itself is part ofthe
story—I mean everything is about
alternatives and doing things a
different way. And that is maybe
the message I'd like people to get
from Post-Human....See alternatives. See things differently, and
see outside the box." tl 8/UBYSSEY.CA/SPORTS/2009.08.24
After setting a short course world record in the 200 metre breaststroke in March, UBC Thunderbird Annamay Pierse set the
world record for the long course 200 metre breaststroke last month at the semi-finals of the 2009 Swimming World Championships in Rome with a time 2:20:12. Unfortunately, Pierse had to settle for the silver medal in the finals.
Thunderbirds season preview: Football
After tough 2008 season, young team looks to rebound
UBC football coach Ted Goveia outlines his hopes for the 2009 Thunderbirds squad, gerald deo photo/the ubyssey
Justin McElroy
sports @ubyssey ca
As another year of football begins,
the UBC Thunderbirds were pushing their bodies to the limit in...
Kamloops? Yes, with Warped Tour
at Thunderbird Stadium making
the campus inhospitable to anyone with good taste in music, the
Thunderbirds football team spent
their first week of training camp at
Thompson Rivers University. Over
a hundred UBC students practiced
for more than ten hours a day in
hopes of making the team, and
head coach Ted Goveia hopes to
improve on last year's last place
standing in the Canada West
"I think lastyear was tough for a
lot of people because we were pretty
good on defence," he said. "We had
some good guys on offence, but for
whatever reason, at certain times
of the game, other teams made
plays we didn't..in this sport it
always comes down to a couple of
plays, and we didn't make them."
So it was last year for UBC: the
Thunderbirds surprised many
early on with two wins in their first
three games. However, in the second half of the season, everything
that could go wrong—inconsistent
quarterbacking, injuries to key
players, losses on the last play of
the game—did, and UBC ended the
year on a five-game losing streak.
Now, after two years out of the
Canada West playoffs, Goveia and
his team are looking to bounce
back. It won't be easy.
UBC's defence, the strength of
the team last year, has been hit
hard with the loss of sack machine
Scott McCuaig, defensive end
Tommy Buchmann and halfback
Alex Betts to graduation. Safety
Doug Goldsby was signed by the
Montreal Alouettes. Beyond that,
wide receiver Blaine Kruger, who
led the team in catches last year,
was signed by the Calgary Stam-
peders. And with the graduation of
all-star Shawn Mclssac, the T-Birds
will have to find a new punter and
field goal kicker. Goveia is realistic
about the losses.
"We can sit here and wish that
all those guys were coming back.
We lost some great players on
the defensive line, and in order
to make up for that, we're going
to need guys to play behind them
well, we need to be better on offence to take the pressure of the
defence, we're going to be stronger on the back end and linebacker
core, and we're going to be more
creative to get sacks."
UBC's hopes may well ride, as
they often do in football, on the
arm of its quarterback. Second-year
sophomore Billy Greene, a high-
school star from Surrey who won
the BC AAA MVP in 2007, took over
the starting quarterback position
at the end of last year, and is set
to start against the SFU Clan this
Saturday at UBC's home opener.
"I think Billy, while he made some
mistakes last year, like any freshman would, did some good things,
and he's improved a ton," said
The T-Birds are a young team.
They're a group with talent, but
they will need good health, great
performances, and some luck
to succeed in the tough Canada
West conference. Yet despite the
challenges, Goveia and the team
are optimistic: "I anticipate that
we're going to be in the hunt for
a playoff spot, and we could finish third or second no problem.
And hell, if you can finish third
or second, you can finish first."
2008 RECAP
STANDING: 7th in Con
UBC 19
ON OFFENCE: 14.6 points scored
per game (7th in Canada West)
ON DEFENCE: 20.0 points allowed per game (4th in Canada
KEY STAT: UBC out-scored their
opponents 76-72 in the first
half of games, but in the second
half were out-scored 41-88.
8/12, Defence 5/12
Spencer Betts. As a rookie
last year, the lightning-quick
receiver scored 3 touchdowns
(most on the team), including a
98 yard punt return, and an 84
yard reception.
Back Tyler Codron. The Canada
West all-star had 21.5 tackles,
1 interception, and 2 fumble
recoveries in 2008.
August 29 vs SFU, 2pm
September 4 @ Alberta, 6pm
September 19 @ Manitoba, 12pm
September 26 vs Regina, 2pm
October 3 vs Calgary, 2pm
October 9 vs Saskatchewan, 6pm
October 17 @ SFU, 1pm*
October 23 vs Manitoba, 7pm
Game times Pacific; available
on CiTR
* Shrum Bowl
Don't cry for Thunderbirds in Argentina
Kathy Yan Li
kyanli@ubyssey. ca
The start of school may bring
the start of a lot of sporting seasons, but most student athletes
at UBC have been training all
summer long to prepare for the
2009 season. What better way
to do so than by taking a trip to
Argentina? It's where the UBC
Thunderbirds Women's Field
Hockey team is right now, as they
face some of the top club teams
in South America during a three-
week tour of the country.
Head coach Hash Kanjee said
the goal ofthe trip is to "jump start
the field hockey season by training
and playing as much field hockey
against some of the best field
hockey players in the world and
to learn as much as we can from
them," adding that the athletes
gain "athletically, academically,
socially, and culturally from the
UBC will spend their time in
Buenos Aires and Rosario during
the trip, and play against nine different club teams. The T-Birds will
have access to guest coaches, gaining insight into international train
ing methods and game strategies.
The team hopes the tour will
allow the Thunderbirds to establish much need groundwork for
the CIS season, which kicks off
September 19 against the University of Calgary, and runs through
to the national championships
in Victoria from November 5 to
8. Anthony Wright, a men's field
hockey alumnus and member of
the 2008 Canadian Olympic team,
is accompanying the women's
team as a trainer, and feels the
tour is a "nice opportunity to get
some games in before the season."
"We're going to get into it, we're
going to have a really good time
and by the end of the time, I think
we're going to have a pretty strong
idea of how we want to play this
season," he said.
Even after the rather intensive
training schedule at Argentina,
there's no slack for the young student athletes. "We come back and
maybe get a week off training,
then we play a tournament at the
women's league, then the next
weekend is our first [Canada West
conference] game," said Samantha
Smith, an Arts student going into
her fifth year with the team. "We
usually get the rest of November
off, then continue playing women's league games until March."
She thinks the lack of rest will be
a "rude awakening at the beginning," but is confident the team
will pull through it all.
Seven of the team members—who have yet to sit in a
first-year class—are excited to
travel with the rest of the team
to Argentina."I'm finally coming
here and making this my new
school," said Poonam Sandhu,
incoming first-year. "There are a
lot of new girls, like myself. But
we really click...all the girls are
really great." tl


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