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The Ubyssey Dec 6, 1985

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Array Seasons
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THE   UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,196$
+      +      +
Itst IBisltfcs Bnring €1te Holiilag SEason!
CA A 1 cat^lc Intramural Sports 'Program CA Al e ioof^joriVard to bringing you mom
V v   Wish to thank all of our vartidvants V V
ivisfi to tkankjdi of our participants V V memorable times in the coming
and sponsors for mailing the first term a great year and hope that your holidays mid be
success. happy, soft and festive.
rop in on our Open "House today ("Dec 6) between
3:30 — 7:00 p.m. and join us for some preseason
festivities of eggnog, home bailing and good cheer.
3teom66    0    {giver SWB Concourse.    $
D
ZZ8-6688
•PMC.
,*a/L'
jfejf^ .*£ llL -j
DOJVT MISS OUT
Remember to register in the new year for your
favourite Intramural sport or sports
r
^framural Sports Schedule — January, 1
SPECIAL EVENTS
CO-REC
Grouse Mountain Ski Challenge: Thursday, February 13 — 12:30
p.m. Our annual Dual Giant Slalom Challenges novice, intermediates
and advance skiers in separate categories. Following a full day on the
slopes, participants can enjoy video replay of their own race, banquet
dinner, complimentary refreshments, awards, dancing and more.
Fee: $35/person Register: January 6-17
RACQUET SPORTS 1
Squash — Round II
January 25-26
Fee: $15/person
Badminton — Double Tournament
February 1, 2
Fee: $8/person
Tennis — U.S. Open Double Tournament
February (6), 7, 8, 9
Fee: $8/person
Register: January 6-17
Register: January 20-24
Register: January 27-31
Cross Volleyball League
January 19-March 16
Fee: $45/team
Inner Tube Water Polo
January 27-March 17
Fee: $60/team
Broom Ball Tournaments
1. Thursday, Jan. 30,7:30-11:30 p.m.
2. Thursday, Feb. 27, 7:30-11:30 p.m.
Fee: $15/tournament
Register: January 6-10
Register: January 6-17
Register: January 6-17
Register: February 10-19
LEAGUE SPORTS
I NOON RUNS — FRIDAYS]
Frostbite Road Run
4.0 km, 6.5 km
Four Mall Road Run
3.0 km, 4.5 km
Triumf Road Run
3.8 km, 5.2 km
January 17
January 24
January 31
Fort Camp Ice Hockey
(Men and Women)
January 21-March 25
Fee: $230/team — Men — 3 referees
Fee: $200/team — Women — 1 referee
Floor Hockey
(Men and Women)
• New Men's League • Limited Contact
• 5 Players Aside • Continuous Play
January 25-March 19
Fee: $40/team
Register: January 6-10
0(uC wwU.,,4 aood sp&t6
/
Register: January 6-17 Friday, December 6,1985
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 3
Central Americans head North
Fleeing to uncertain refuge
By WILLIE McGRAW
From the Capilano Courier
Canadian University Press
Manuel, a Salvadoran, arrived home one day to
discover that members of a fanatical right wing
organization had sprayed his home with machine gun
fire in the hopes of killing him and his brother. They
both were involved in organizing a union at the eye glass
factory where they worked. Instead, the gunman killed
his two brothers-in-law and seriously wounded his two
sisters and four-year-old niece.
Armando woke up in a ditch a few miles outside the
Guatemalan town where he and ten other student
friends had been tortured by members of the National
Guard. They were picked up because they had organized
a protest against the government at the university.
Stories such as these are common place among the Central American refugees that have been forced to leave
their countries, travel across Mexico, enter the U.S. illegally with the lucky ones eventually finding refuge
with the church groups that have formed a group named
the Sanctuary Movement.
Tfe£r
"So, whilt th* country if rmdyfor a rtturn to citation ruU, wo wovUjtuiJik* to tegr that wt art not.
Manuel and Armando are two of
ten refugees that are living in the
makeshift dormitories above the
University Baptist Church in Seattle. The rooms are furnished with
donated beds and couches,
overstuffed chairs and old coffee
tables. Their clothes are from the
Sally Ann. Everyone eats together
in the basement hall that has
banquet-style kitchen facilities. The
only requirement for the refugees to
remain at the church is that they
give their "testimonies" to as many
public gatherings as possible. By
telling their stories, they help to
educate the North American public
as to what is really happening in
their countries and also encourage
other churches to join the Sanctuary Movement.
Illegal aliens, as the refugees are
termed by the Immigration and
Naturalization Service (INS), are a
serious business in the U.S. Large
holding camps have been built in
California and Tucson exclusively
for them. Well equipped with armed guards, attack dogs and fifteen
foot high chain link fences topped
with barbed wire, the refugees wait
out their time in military type barracks while their fates are decided
by the courts. Once deportation
orders are obtained, they are then
placed on what are known as
"death flights". It has been
documented that those sent back to
either El Salvador or Guatamala
have a life span of between two
days and two weeks.
UBC is one of 200 U.S. churches
that have declared themselves a
sanctuary, opening their doors to
thousands of Central American
refugees who otherwise would be
deported back to the countries they
fled. Harbouring an illegal alien is a
felony, punishable by a fine of
$10,000 and five years in prison, yet
the church members continue their
unique form of civil disobdenience.
"I pretty well accept the fact that
I'll end up in jail at some point,"
said Byron Hiebert-Crape, who
along with his wife Barbara
volunteers from thirty to forty
hours per week at the Church. "But
don't think that I take all this lightly. I've had to accept that our
government is not going to change
the way it treats these people and
there's no one else who's going to
help them. I do get scared
sometimes when I think that they
have the law on their side and can
come busting into the Church at
any time and round us all up with
the refugees . . . but I don't like to
think about that too much."
Since the congregation voted to
become part of the Sanctuary
Movement, the church has been the
target of some strange events that
church members attribute to the
INS. The church offices were
broken into in a very mysterious
way. Though the place was a mess
with papers thrown around and a
desk overturned, there were no
signs of a forced entry. Once the
mess was cleaned up, it was
discovered that none of the expensive office equipment was missing,
only the keys to the dormitories.
Even the Seattle-Post Intelligence
wrote a lead editorial questioning
the motives of the break-in and
wondering whether the government
was involved.
"There are these two people, a
couple, who started coming to
church services a couple of months
ago, even though they live on the
other side of town," Byron recalled. "All they're interested in is
what's going on with the refugees.
They come to all the meetings and
are really very nice people, but they
never get involved beyond just
showing up and listening. A couple
of times they've slipped up and
made references to the government
or the INS and we just kind of ignored it. Like the time he told us
that they'd just sold a house and
made $5,000 and now their tax bill
was all paid up. I guess he forgot
that just the week before he'd been
worried because the bill was
$30,000. We just kind of take for
granted that they're spies or plants
for the INS. I don't think they're
malicious or anything, I just think
they need the money."
The Canadian situation in regard
to refugees is nowhere near as
dramatic as it is in the States.
Canada is well known as having the
most liberal immigration policy in
the Western world. In general, there
are two types of immigrants, those
sponsored by the government and
those who declare themselves
refugees once inside the country
and are known as convention or inland refugees. Those chosen by the
1 government have been evaluated on
a point system to determine their
eligibiligy. Job prospects, education, financial status, relations
already within the country, are all
taken into account before landed
immigrant status is granted. Once
in Canada they are eligible for support of $400 per month for food
and shelter, are given furniture and
other household items and are able
to take language and job placement
programs.
The inland refugee faces a much
more difficult situation. Once he
has declared himself a political
refugee, he enters a type of citizenship limbo as he goes through the
process of determining whether his
claim is valid. This process with its
various stages of hearings and appeals can take anywhere from two
to five years. In the interim, the
claimant has no permanent status
and could lose his case if he leaves
the country. There are at present
close to 20,000 people caught up in
the system, waiting to have their
status restored.
Lesley Anderson has been involved with refugees in Vancouver for
the past few years and is presently
working as the co-ordinator for the
Host Program, a funded program
that links community volunteers
with sponsored refugees to assist
their integration into Canadian
society. Having spend the past year
on staff for the Inland Refugee
Society, she has a unique perspective on the differences between the
two groups of immigrants.
"I always felt that we were really
jon the line at the Inland Refugee
Society," she said. "People would
just show up and have no place to
stay, no food and no money and
usually couldn't speak the language
very well. Then it would be a mad
scramble to find them a place to
stay at least until they'd had their
first hearing. Then they could at
least get welfare. The purpose of
the Society is really to lobby the
government on behalf of these people to get them more services, but
we were always face with the reality
of their daily existence. We had an
arrangement to send some of the
single men to the Catholic Mission
for a couple of nights when they
weren't full, but sometimes it would
take a month before the had their
initial hearing. I remember in the
summer these two older men arrived from Guatemala. They must
have been fifty. They'd been sleeping in parks for a few nights before
they heard of us, but we couldn't
find them a place and they had to
spend another few nights in the
park."
"It was quite an adjustment
when I first came to work for the
immigrant Services Society, (the
group sponsoring the Host Program) mainly because of the
organization and money available:
We get monthly reports on who is
coming and when and when they arrive that they have a hotel to stay in
for the first month while they find a
permanent place. The hotel is
nothing lavish, but it certainly takes
the pressure off."
An interesting paradox emerges
when discussing the political
background of the refugees with
Lesley. "Most of the people that
|I've come in contact with through
both societies have been apolitical,
i They were people who had been oppressed by both the government and
liberation armies. Some were
farmers who were first harassed by
the army because they lived in areas
frequented by the guerillas. Then
the guerillas would come and harass
them because they were suspected
of collaborating with the army. The
people didn't want to be involved
with either side, they just wanted to
live a normal life, which becomes
impossible when you're on the firing line. They would then migrate
to the cities to find no jobs or prospects, and then look for any way
out."
The only way out for most is to
head North. If they make it out of
their own country and through
Mexico, they might be lucky
enough or have enough money to
get into the U.S. Once there," they
face arrest and deportation unless
they find a church to supply temporary refuge. If they make it as far
as the Canadian border, they can at
least find a welcome that will supply
them with the basics to survive.
For concerned Americans wan-
jting to assist the Central American
{refugees trying to make a start in
[their country, or just pick up the
pieces of their shattered lives, the
ramifications are very clear, they
face fines and jail terms. For Canadians, the stakes are not as drastic.
By volunteering just a few hours a
week one can learn first hand experiences from people newly arrived
from their war-torn countries as
well as provide welcome assistance
in orienting them to Canadian
society. As Lesley points out,
"there's a big difference between
reading about someplace in the
paper and talking with someone
who was born and raised there." Page 4
THE   UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1965
Injustice in Peru
We have just received a communication from a reputable group
of lawyers in Lima, Peru requesting
our help in publicizing and protesting a severe injustice.
The new government of Alan
Garcia commands extensive support throughout Peru for its independent stand on payment of its
foreign debt, the quest for peace in
Central America and the freezing of
dollar accounts in Peruvian banks.
However, these measures appear to
have been tolerated by the military
in return for license in denying
human rights to political prisoners,
opposition groups and those living
in the still army-occupied zones of
the southern and middle sierra.
Some details are explained on the
enclosed press release.
We feel that Garcia's government
will respond positively to international criticism regarding these
facts. Please write or telegram him
at: Presidente Alan Garcia, Palacio
de Gobierno, Lima, Peru.
We have also received an appeal
from the Moraveco workers mentioned in the press release. They are
starving and in urgent needs of
funds if their struggle is to continue. If you wish to donate money
to the Moraveco Union, make
money orders payable to Fidel
Perez Guevara and address your
envelope to Enrique Heriz, Av.
Alfonso Ugarte 1228 — 308, Lima
5, Peru.
Alicia Barsallo
coordinator for the defense
of human rights in Peru,
P.O. Box 65711,
Station F, Vancouver, B.C.
FR^ire
•r.
CONSULAT GENERAL
DE FRANCE
The registration forms for French universities for 1st year of the 1st cycle must be
filled out before January ISth, 1986. They
apply for all university programs. Please
contact the French Cultural Service at
1127—736 Granville, Vancouver,
681-5875. 	
ei inis
MERRY/rRB
espresso bar
6,000 Miles
Minimum
ALSO
DO BODY
Very Competitive Rates
WORK
ERIC'S BUG STOP
150S West 3rd 731-8171
IW— MANVILU ST. MMII)
TEACH IN JAPAN
Persons with a degree or job-experience in such fields as engineering,
publishing, public relations, pharmacology, linguistics/languages or education wishing to teach English to Japanese adults for one or two years in
Tokyo and other parts of Japan should write to:
Personnel Director
International Education Services
Shin Taiso Bldg.
10-7, Dogenzaka 2-chome, Shibuya-ku
Tokyo, Japan 150
Further information on the position, qualifications, salary, benefits,
transportation and housing can be obtained by airmailing a detailed resume
to I.E.S.
Personal interviews will be held in Seattle in late December, 1985 and in
San Francisco in January, 1986.
ELEGANCE
PURE SILK
WOOL
COTTON
OPEN DAILY 10-6
FRIDAYS 10-9
SUNDAYS 12-5
GIFT IDEAS
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YOUR NATURAL FIBRE FASHION SHOP
4325 West 10th Avenue
Vancouver   228-1214
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£83-1993 Friday, December 6,1985
THE   UBYSSEY
Page 5
Fees rise four per cent next year
By MARY McALISTER
UBC students should brace
themselves for a four per cent increase in tuition fees next year if a
proposal made at Thursday's board
of governors meeting is approved in
February.
UBC already has the distinction
of charging the highest tuition fees
in Canada.
"The news is going out all across
Canada that the quality of faculties
and facilities is declining at UBC,"
said Duncan Stewart, Alma Mater
Society coodinator of external affairs.
Stewart said the university is trying to attract top students at the
same time as its reputation is declining and pushing tuition fees further
up is the single "worst" action
possible by the board.
Student board representative
Nancy Bradshaw agreed the quality
of education has declined at UBC,
saying although tuition fees have
doubled in the last four years, student aid increases have been
minimal.
"The expenditures for student
aid should be increased as much as
student fees have," she said.
She added the current student
faculty ratio is much higher than at
the University of Alberta. UBC
would need 275 more professors to
equal the ratio at the U of A, she
said.
• * •
UBC's investments in South
Africa were also at the meeting,
said Bradshaw.
She said the board will follow a
policy similar to the University of
Toronto's and do a case study of
the companies "in question". The
board wants to review the current
South African involvement of the
companies, said Bradshaw.
"The board wants to check the
credibility of their (the companies')
arguments."
Students are welcome to attend
the next board meeting Feb. 7 to
give their input on both of these
issues, she said.
Strangway challenges UBC at installation
By CAMILE DIONNE
Students must get as much as
possible out of their time at university said David Strangway during
his formal installation Tuesday.
"You must take from this institution everything you can. It is here
for you, and you will have failed
yourself if you have not sampled of
what the university has to offer."
Strangway's formal installation
as the tenth president of the UBC
took place in War Memorial Gym
before about 500 people, a few of
them students.
In his address Strangway issued
challenges to faculty, students,
staff, alumni, community leaders,
and governments. "We must ensure
that the university continues to be
both relevant and excellent,"
Strangway said.
In his message to governments
Strangway said, "I have not,
however, been able too find a clear
statement of our role in terms of
educating the youth of British Columbia . . . You have not provided
objectives; we have no clear
understanding of your expectations." He challenged government
to "work with us to develop these
objectives on behalf of the people
of British Columbia."
To the faculty Strangway said,
"Tenure is an important concept
that ensures you cannot be dismissed on the grounds of ^disagreement
with those in positions of administrative or legislative
authority." He challenged them to
do both research and teaching well.
AMS president Glenna Chestnutt
in her speech welcoming Strangway
to the university on behalf of
students said, "The financial problems faced by the university affect
all aspects of our campus. We are in.
serious danger of losing our good
faculty and good students and our
good reputation."
She  expressed confidence  that
Strangway will lead the university
towards meeting the challenges
before it and pledged the support of
students in his efforts.
— ed mou photos
DAVID STRANGWAY (ABOVE) was installed Tuesday as UBC's 10th
president in a colourful pageant attended by academics from across
Canada and the world. UBC chancellor Robert Wyman (left) is carrying
ceremonial university object with native carving:
Natives need their land
■ sieve wou pnoto
By JASON LEVINE
The Indian people have an important relationship with the land
said a Union of B.C. Indian chiefs
representative Thursday.
Rosalie Tizya, a UBC graduate,
told about 120 people in MacMillan
Students can now sue over quality of university courses
TORONTO (CUP) — Students
disgruntled with the way a course is
taught can sue the institution offering it, an Ontario court has ruled.
Provincial court Judge Pamela
Thomson Sigurdson concluded
recently that a 37-year-old former
student at Ryerson Polytechnical
Institute can sue the school
because   one   of   its   professors
allegedly departed from the official
course outline.
Hughes Chicoine, a professional
photographer in an upgrading programme, failed a compulsory third-
year course in 1981-82. He was expelled from the programme.
Chicoine appealed using internal
university procedures and was eventually offered the chance to repeat
Nelson institution privatized
The Nelson, B.C. David Thompson University Centre site will soon
be turned over to. a private high
school.
But Jeff Dirksen, an official
from the Kootenay School of
Writing, an association made up
largely of former DTUC employees
does not like the change.
The centre was the only institution in the interior of B.C. offering
university level courses until it was
closed by the provincial government
in 1984.
"The people in Nelson are concerned that this private high school
will have little community participation," he said, adding the school
will not be a boost for the local
economy either.
"It is unlikely that any instructors of the former university will
find   employment   at   the   high
school," he said. "After the
hospital, the university was one of
the main employers."
Terry Hunt, chair of the Canadian Federation of Students said
"the federation is opposed to the
privatization.
"This change-over will certainly
decrease students' accessibility to
higher education," he said. "It is
fact that many parents of children
in the interior of B.C. cannot even
afford to send their children to the
University of Victoria. How will
they then be able to send them to
this private school?"
He said B.C. should have an institution that allows students to
achieve post-secondary education.
The Canadian Federation of
Students sees this move (to
privatization) as a step
backwards."
the course.
Unsatisfied, he took the case to
small claims court to recover about
$630 in tuition and some $800 in
student loans.
Ryerson challenged the court's
jurisdiction in the case.
Although the courts traditionally
stay out of internal university
disputes, Judge Thomson Sigurdson found that the rules governing
Ryerson do not exclude courts from
deciding breach of contract.
"The purpose of Ryerson Institute is to provide programmes
and courses of study in a variety of
areas; not to adjudicate complaints
arising from student/university
relations," she said in her judgement.
Chicoine's lawyer, Frank
Hubscher, said the decision "certainly opens up the situation" for
students to take legal action against
their schools.
"The precedent has been
established. Yes» you can sue for a
breach of a course outline," he said.
Hubscher couldn't speculate on
how widespread the impact of the
judgement will be, but he said his
phones "have been ringing off the
hook from students who want to retain my services."
Ryerson's lawyer, Alison Young,
argued in court that allowing the action to proceed would open the
floodgates for lawsuits, but afterward she downplayed the ruling.
"I don't think it's that big a
deal,"   she   said.   "In   the   final
analysis I don't think students care '
enough about the course outline being adhered to."
Young said that having gone
through the university appeal process, Chicoine should not have been
given recourse to the courts.
"Our position is that he's really
complaining because of the mark he
got rather than breach of
contract," she said.
Council of Ontario Universities
information officer Will Sayers
agreed with the two lawyers that
education malpractice is a burgeoning area.
"It's the kind of litigation whose
time has probably come," he said
of Chicoine's lawsuit.
He said university presidents are
likely following the case with interest, but added "there's no reason
to think- that there's a groundswell
of protest coming" from students
who think an institution hasn't kept
its part of the bargain.
Indians have an obligation to maintain their land claims for future
generations.
"We belong to the land. Our
obligation is to protect the land
seven generations into the future,"
she said.
Native people do not want to
change the system when negotiating
for land claims, she said.
"I am not going to come out and
say that I want to change the
system," she said. "A fish doesn't
try to change a bear into a fish. I am
going to say that I want something
for the children."
Tizya said the Indians, specifically the Haida, have consistently met
with the logging companies to
negotiate an agreement but have
come up with nothing each time.
"We have tried. We have had
meeting after meeting," she said.
' 'The only thing that seems to be effective is when we blockade. That
loses the company money, and then
people stop and say hold on."
Lillooet tribal council official
Perry Ridan said the conflict between the native people and the B.C.
government over land claims is
caused by the overabundance of
"bureaucrats that are purported to
look after these resources (land)."
"There is no coordinated effort.
There are just too many hands in
the pot," he said.
Radin blamed the Bennett
government for many of the current
Native problems.
"While we are battering big
issues, they are sneaking around the
back door with legislation that is
very detrimental," he said. "There
has got to be a change, and the
change has got to happen soon." Page 6
THE   UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1985
'  ■■'"'■■;'~       :^$d'''*$&       *:
Canada snubs East Timor
Saturday, Dec. 7 marks the tenth
anniversary of Indonesia's brutal
invasion of East Timor, a former
Portuguese colony three hundred
miles north of Australia. Indonesia
still occupies and rules the area with
a bloody fist as indicated by a recent Amnesty International report
detailing mass killings, extrajudicial
executions, "disappearances", torture, massive arbitrary arrests and
detentions.
Not only have Indonesian armed
forces physically eliminated a large
proportion of the East Timorese
people (perhaps more than 200,000
out of a pre-invasion population of
630,000) but they are also
systematically destroying the
culture and society by relocating,
much of the rural population in
Vietnam style "resettlement
villages". Indonesia has denied the
Amnesty allegations but smuggled
documents from church officials on
the island and reports of refugee
corroborate the atrocities.
Meanwhile Canada's external affairs department repeats Indonesian
government disinformation with a
straight face informing all inquirers
that conditions are really improving
in  East Timor,  thank you very
much, for Indonesia is spending a
lot of money there, etc. Unfortunately external affairs newspeak
does not stop the deaths.
Canada is keen enough to condemn the loss of human rights in
places where it has no influence and
nothing to lose such as Cambodia
and Afghanistan or where the current political climate makes it acceptable and the stakes are limited
such as South Africa. But in a situation where we have considerable influence (increasing Canadian investment in Indonesia, growing
amounts of development aid and increasing trade, including arms sales)
and the economic stakes are
substantial, with little political advantage to be gained, what happens? The land of the maple leaf
courageously and honourably joins
its allies and whitewashes the Indonesian rape of East Timor both
in Canada and at the United Nations.
If we accept the outlandish proposition that the survivors in East
Timor are also human beings, is it
possible to allow the Canadian
government to represent us as people who value dollars over life? In
other words, if you and I and Joe
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ALERTED TO THE FACT THAT THE CARTOON
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BEWARE FRITS, SORORITIES. FACULTIES t CUSSES
NASTY REPUTATION
Fogg n' Suds has already earned a
nasty reputation at UBC for causing even the most dedicated
students to abandon their studies.
MASS EXODUS
Now, with Christmas exams upon
us, Fogg n' Suds is causing a mass
exodus from the study halls and
libraries.
TEMPTATION
Fogg n' Suds has Christmas party
rates at $11.95 per person. That's
correct! Whenever ten or more
reserve a party they get a five-
course dinner for just $11.95 each.
MORE TEMPTATION
To tempt you even further, Fogg n'
Suds will cover all gratuities, and
organize international "beverage"
tastings for only $6.95 per person.
AND YOU THOUGHT THE SOCREDS WERE DESTROYING
EDUCATION IN B.C.!
For the sordid details contact:
Fogg'n' Suds
3293 West 4th
Ph. 732-3377
Fogg on the Bay
1215 Bidwell at Davie
Ph. 669-9297 Friday, December 6,1985
THE   UBYSSEY
Page 7
Quebec
• in
r face work camps
MONTREAL (CUP) — The new
Quebec Liberal government wants
only those who are physically
unable to work to be allowed to go
on welfare. Anyone else without a
job must either sign up on a
Liberal-work program, or starve.
The party won a majority victory
in Quebec elections Monday.
Action Positive pour Travail et
l'mploi (APT) is the Liberal
answer for those people who "just
sit at home and do nothing," according to Donald Tremblay, education spokesperson for the Liberal
Youth Commission.
APT is designed to "help a lost
generation" by not allowing people
to "do nothing and get paid for it,"
said TremMay.
Anyone can get accepted on the
programme, he said providing they
sign a contract with the government. The contract binds them to
work on a Liberal work project, or
look for work.
"If you don't respect the contract, you're off the programme,"
he said.
"If their attitude is they don't
want to work then they are not going to get any money," he said.
"Good-bye".
Details of the programme have
not yet been worked out. It is
unclear whether unemployed persons' money will be cut off if they
refuse a job offer.
Those who prove they are applying for jobs, but still get no offers,
can stay on the programme,
Tremblay said.
Some Quebec student and youth
groups are already worried the programme is more like labour camps
of the thirties than a solution to the
unemployment crisis of the eighties.
"This programme not only forces,
people into nowhere jobs for indecent wages," said Jean Lalonde of
Regroupement Autonome des
Jeunes, an unemployed youth action group which opposes the programme. "It forgets about the
plight of people who can't work,
but are physically able to do so."
He said single mothers,
alcoholics and people with emotional instabilities were good examples.
"Single mothers will have no
choice but to work," he said. "But
what are they to do with their
children? The programme does not
provide daycare, nor does it offer
adequate wages so the woman can
pay for daycare.
"There are also things not commonly considered diseases, like
alcoholism and emotional instability, which dehabilitate people," he
said. "These won't be taken into
account."
The government employs its own
medical examiners and according to
Lalond it is in their interest to put
people on the employable category
who may not belong there.
Lalonde also questions the programme's underlying assumptions
about welfare recipients.
"It's not as if people massively
decided to get lazy all of a sudden,"
he said. "Only a very small number
choose not to work."
Unlike the P.Q.'s welfare programme which discriminates against
those under thirty, APT will give
everyone "something they can live
on" said Tremblay. The provincial
government currently pays $162 a
month to welfare recipients under
thirty, while those over get $440.
Quebec premier Pierre-Marc
Johnson has said several times during the election campaign that the
government cannot afford to give
youth any more.
APT will be directed from
regional offices by bureaucrats and
social workers. Each regional com-'
mittee will choose "whatever they
decide work priorities to be in their
region," said Tremblay. For example, in Abitibi, work projects will
probably relate to forestry expansion, he said. In Montreal, waste-
recycling was cited as a possibility.
Those who do not want to work
in the definite areas, can still be on
the programme, said Tremblay.
Some people will be able to go to
school, or get job training.
The committee will decide
through an "orientation session"
what they are best suited for.
"People will sit down and discuss
what your problem is," he said.
Al shared some Purdy good poetry
By MARY McALISTER
The smell of blood on his clothes
and skin while unloading bags of
slaughtered cattle on Granville
Island.
Canadian author Al Purdy
shared this and other poem topics
with his audience in Buchanan
A100 Thursday.
Al Purdy kept 100 "people
laughing and raptly attentive to his
poetry yesterday reading from three
of his collections of poems: The
Stone Bird, Piling Blood, and his
latest, Being Alive.
In his scruffy voice and confident
style, the Governor-General award-
winning poet read about his own
life, including a mystical poem The
Dead Poet, about his brother who
died before he was born.
Purdy's lighter side carried us to
bar room brawls, drinking beer that
is "one half fart and half horse
piss". And to his time in the armed
forces when he was stationed in Kitsilano.
"I couldn't be trusted with
wooden rifles," he said in one of his
poems. "I was demoted and
demoted and demoted until I finally
saluted civilians."
Purdy, the son of an Ontario
farmer, has published over 20
volumes of verse and is a renowned
editor and critic. When asked about
his future plans to go to Europe, he
replied,  "Have any of you ever
been to Turkey? My wife and I rode
on a bus with the goats and
chickens. The toilet is a hole in the
floor with two raised footprints.
Ya, I'd like to go back there.
You've got to do something in your
old age."
Someone else asked him whether
he seeks out inspiration for poems
or whether it just comes to him.
Purdy replied, everything he sees
and hears is being converted. "And
then you write a poem — maybe,
eventually, perhaps ..."
After his reading when a crowd
lined up to purchase his books, Purdy said his signature would decrease
the value by 50 per cent.
PURDY . . . poet didn't know it.
Armed forces seek university grads for jobs
OTTAWA (CUP) — The Canadian Armed Forces has fanned out
around the country in search of
university graduates who want a job
starting at about $20,000 a year.
And they're having trouble finding recruits with degrees —
especially francophones and
engineers.
Maj. Lawrence Garvin, who
makes the final choice on who gets
into the army's Direct Entry Officer
(DEO) program, says it's a chance
young Canadians shouldn't pass
up.
"We are hiring, we're a good
organization and it's a heck of a lot
of fun," Garvin said. "I'm in the
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armoured division. We're the ones
who drive the tanks and shoot the
guns. And it's a lot of fun.
"We've got a requirement for
just about any university degree going," Garvin said. "We'll take people."
He listed advantages as travel,
responsibility, good pay, and a different kind of lifestyle.
Working through the Canada
Employment Centres on campus,
recruiters from 37 offices nationwide are visiting every college and
university where they're permitted
interviewing candidates. Last year
they hired 436 DEOs.
Army recruiters are not welcome
at Concordia University in Montreal. In the spring of 1984 Concordia students narrowly passed a
Military-Free Zone referendum,
amending the student council constitution to forbid student groups
from inviting military recruiters.
Last year the Association Internationale des Etudiants en Sciences,
Economie et Sciences (AIESEC) invited the army to a career day, but
later was forced to withdraw the
invitation.
Some people can't get jobs
though. Last year only 64 of the
DEOs were women.
And the army refuses homosexuals. "We have in the past been
releasing people for what we call
sexual deviancy," Garvin said.
He said recruiters don't ask
directly if a person is gay but they
do ask what relationships they
have.
While desperate to entice
engineers, the army is not as
smooth as it should be. Two weeks
ago recruiters scheduled a talk at
Carleton   when   all   engineering
students were in class. No-one attended, so recruiters rescheduled
for later in the day when people
could come.
A recruiter for Mitel Electronics
in Ottawa confirmed that army pay,
about $18-1,900 a month up to
$32-34,000 a year after three years,
is  competitive  with  pay  in  the
private sector.
And you don't even have to love
the Queen. Garvin, who's been in
the army more than 20 years but only recently got an Ottawa desk job,
said three kinds of people enlist:
"People who want a job, people
who like the outdoor life, and people who want to serve the country."
New ombudsperson cited
as potential council dupe
The Alma Mater Society's decision to appoint an AMS employee
to the ombudsperson position
"strongly compromises" the position, external affairs coordinator
Duncan Stewart told the council
meeting Wednesday.
A motion to reconsider the appointment of Pit employee Kevin
Kendall was defeated by council in
a closed portion the meeting.
Stewart said Kendall, a physical
education graduate student, was in
a conflict of interest position.
"His principle function is as a
watchdog of the AMS," said
Stewart. "We can't guarantee that
he will not experience any conflict
of interest in his position."
Simon Seshadri, AMS director of
administration, said council knew
kendall was a Pit employee when
they appointed him to the post.
Kendall could not be reached for
comment.
At the same meeting, two motions opposing the annual Lady
Godiva Ride were tabled by council. The motions, presented by
Students for a Democratic University, called on council to discourage
the Engineering Undergraduate
Society from holding the event and
commission a study examining the
effects the ride has on the university
community.
Council also defeated a motion
calling on them to reconsider an
earlier decision to endorse a
Rhinoceros Party tax deduction
scheme.
The proposal invites students to
contribute to the Rhinoceros party,
dictate how they want the funds
spent, and then get a tax receipt for
their donation.
Nancy Bradshaw, student board
of governors representative, told
council she was concerned about
the legality of the scheme.
But Blair Longly, Rhino party
member and the inventor of the
plan, said council's decision to continue to endorse the proposal shows
"they recognize the letters from Ottawa are sufficiently substantial to
establish the proposal's legality."
Law council representative Tim
Holmes said that even with council
support, few students would take
advantage of the scheme, adding it
was the Rhino's job to promote the
plan. Page 8
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1985
X
I
Cookies
To whom it may concern:
May the holidays find you in a warm cheery place.
May tomorrow find you a perfect day,
May God keep you in . . . etc.,
Now for our annual predictions . . .
— Jimmy Nilmes will make it into grade Severn
— Don Holubitsky will switch to a graduate degree in physical
education
— Brian Mulroney will be elected to the American senate
— Ronald Reagan will discover Grecian formula is a cancer causing
agent and insist secret Soviet military strategies are mapped on
Gorachev's head
— A duck will be poached and roasted
— Expo will receive 13.5 visitors
— Enver Hoxha will rise again
— The meek shall inherit the earth
— The Maranathas will join The Ubyssey
— The Canucks will bring fame to another city
Sign that petition
'^mmmm***
For the past few weeks, a petition
has been circulating campus calling
for an improvement in The
Ubyssey. We have some comments
to make regarding this.
First, it is not anonymous. It is
endorsed and made valid by those
who have signed their name.
Second, the petition is freestanding. That is, whoever may or
may not be generating the petition
is irrelevant. The purpose and goal
is   inherent   in   the   petition:   a
THE UBYSSEY
December 6,1986
The Ubyssey is published Tuesday and Friday throughout the academic year by the Alma
Mater Society of the University of British Columbia. Editorial opinions are those of the staff and
are not necessarily those of the administrataion or the AMS. Member Canadian University
Press. The Ubyssey's editorial office is SUB 241k. Editorial department, 228-2301/2305. Advertising 228-3977/3978.
"I'm going to rule the world with my Daddy's help, na na na nana," said Sarah Millin as aha skipped
merrily to school. And then I'll be editor of The Ubyssey, she though! happily. Hell, there will be no end
to my power.
But oopsy daisy, Sarah stepped on a sidewalk crack. It broke one of her mothers' back which caused
the earth to shatter with maternal anger - and Sarah Ml into a nearby rabbit hole.
"Get me off this story FtrMman or I'd have you arrested," she squeaked throughout the long fall.
Splat, Sarah landed on Wade Gemmel squashing him flat.Sheclouted trie Mood and splinter* of Gemmel bona off her jeans but waited about her sweatshirt. "Ruined forever. Ifs not as if I have an endless
supply of shirts even if I did work at T-shirt village." she told the gathering crowd.
Joel Silverman and Peter Carpenter carted squashed Gemmel away while Angus Fraser filed a story
special to The Ubyssey.
"Hey, I recognize this tunnel. Ifs, it's, it's Alice in WhatsamacaHit land and none of you guys are in
this story yet." Sarah informed the creatures around her: Dan Andrews, the duck with a waterproof
camera. Chris Cameron, the dodo without a camera, Edward Mou, the eaglet with two blind ayes,
Steve Engler, the monkey who says "cbaeze whiz", and Pat Ouan, the mouse photographer who
always sports mickey mouse ears.
"Are you the Alice we're waiting for?" they asked holding their breath in fear. Sarah said she is The
Sarah of west-end origin where creatures such as they ere definitely not welcome. She smoked one of
her cigarettes. Hang the tunnel with smoke, instantly killing the duck and the dodo.
Karen Gram of Correct University of Politics rushed to scenes while waving at the no smoking signs.
That'll draw everyone's attention to the proper rules, she thought. There is a right way, a wrong way,
and then there is my way, she whispered because her voice was busy testing about racial relations
Gram announcad an election of the Ubysmet queen would begin as soon aa the conteetanta arrived.
Michael Groberman launched into a long speech trait put Gram to sleep desrir»tfiegro« smoke Wowing in her face. But hedid manage to get one point across: "You can't have Monarchy by democratic
election." Romy Kozak, Jeffrey Kibble, and Norm Ravwt bagged to differ but Gropey wouldn't let
them. "There"* r» begging from sundown Friday evening) to sundown Saturday night," he said
Suddenly, Labbie Do arrived. "Did I hear you say 'Alice Oueenrrftir« UbywiiBla'r"'she smiladsweetly. Angie Norman and Keey Smith fas over backwards. Byron Johnson and Nadtns Krafett sprawled
fistontheirfaces. Renata Boemer and Keith Stringer spfjt their pants. They wareaH gaga overLepbie's
reeernbtenca to Alice in Whatsamacaflrt Land that they bowed down low, low, low, in pure, schlocky
"Just waft one fucking minuti hare you, you, you, breeder*. I've read Attee in Whatsfta too end th*
is at wrong," cried Sarah stuffing one more stinky weed Into her face. "Besides, my daddy told me
ep."
"She's right, folks," said Gram, coming once more to the aid of the underdog. For once Gropey we*
epeecrsaes. Arrd Sarah drcwed tier whole ijeckage of err*^^
Gram. Gram formed e comrnittae warn Ruth Gumpp, Gordana Raaic, CamUe Diorme, and Laura
Busheion, to mult over the appotntment, election, installation, or rem by terror by Alice in Whatsit.
"Stay put Grope, this is strictly a women's caucus." warned Gram. But Snarl bts. Abdullah aka
Pamela Arm Smith-Gander went along hoping to rjrwtograph the discussion.
Tr*discu*skm asked f« two messengera: one ra come arrio^
na pitman wanted to go but Gropey told them me reel tun wc«ld start here, ao t-auni Lr»»dw came
and ARyaon Bradley left "cause she just couldn't stick it. And that Heft one position to go, (covered by
SheBey Butlerl.
The national committee returned stwrtfy with their verdict. "We're to hove s contest," announced
Gram smugly. "V¥h»t.jar* ** rut**?" Gropey wanted to know,
"No smoking and eat anything that you find," said Gram.
Usable and M»rh agreed to abide by the rule*. Brian Trueoott hollered "go", and the race was on.
The two would-be queens trotted awey quickly towards a little glass table with a beautiful glass bottle
marked: drtnk me, sitting on top. "
Labbie would not touch the bottle let atone drink it because she is dieting. Sarah, however, took
many gulps, savoring.its'oMary flavor. "Three refusals to ingest, digest, or regurgitate, means dts-
o^airricatkxt/'sakirjavePasmwtwwescoechedbyGrop^
down ihe sear* forristoiyi sake.
Meanwfiile, Sarerr-»headtja»ppear»dmtr»
said he thought that got rid of bar forever but PatnV* Kapty wasn't »o sure. Al of a autfclenfiuge drops
of eddy rain dropped from»e skies forming a giant rjool. "Sarah's crying, get out of the down pour,"
shrieked John Edger. "Coot," said Stesa Wong, famous for the roundness of-her o"* in her cooool.
Poor Sarah, alone in the tabecco skies of her own melurig, cried and cried. "Nobody loves me, even
my daddy told me so, end he's right Bke usual," sfwgaroied.grvirio a hiccup hem and there. But the
more water she shad from her eyes, the smaller she grew untf she firartly fell itrto the r»sapool. spluttering for air.
Breathing became more important for Sarah than crying (and » good thing too or she might have
«hrur*lnteno*ingn*sswimsRtha1aying).T^
to the tunnel. Why it we* Labbie in whrtebunfty suit, all diesaedupa^reaoVtogd.exr^sytoenivofy
fan. "I'm late, late, late, for a very important ... now what was the next word?" she muttered
aloud.
"Help me," came a quivering cry from the lake. Urjrie didn't srop to *ink ot the Mory would have
been comptatety different. She took off her bunny ear* and fished Sarah out of the salty water. This
heroic act waa duty lecuiosU in Beynon'* book.
Tony Roberts snickered, he dkin't say so but Sarah looked Hu> a skinny salamander. Unfortunately,
Sarah knew what she looked like. And she knew Roberts and Kevin Loo were just peeing themselves
with glee at her wet head look; so she called on Monte Stewert (a staunch supporter of MSfmism from
daysof ydret tochucb the two wet diapers into herpooVof tears.
Eva Busza stepped on their fingers when they tried to get out; {Another supporter of the Main
school of thought, particularly towards men such as Rick Klein.) But able body seaman, Victor Wong
brother to Chris Wong, rowed his toy boat to the rescue.
"Blast you, Victor you moronic plodder. Go pick your nose etaewheres," shouted Sarah, grabbing
the nearest pistol. But her hands shook too much and she missed ait of them.
Ships ahoy, who should appear on the horizon but captain highliner in a bigger and better boat? It
was none other than the multi-color peace vessel staffed by At Banner, Shirley Faiflnger, Bob Dawson,
Sue Mcllroy, DougSchmrt, Steve Wou, andanaging James Young. They saved Vic and company just
in time.
But Gordon Clark, a large norma with an even larger match of red hair sprouting from his ears and
nose, emerged from bay where he was sunning himself only to get it right in the bally button. Sarah
deflated a giant. He was full of gas, just as Beryl Tsang expected Clark to foe.
"Enough of this shit," said Sarah and split. She was caught two hour* later sitting on top of a
mushroom smoking a mile long cigarette. .Labbie thought Sarah looked like the caterpillar In AUce in
Whatsit but refused a second time to eat some of the mushroom. "Ifs too greesy." she giggled, her
hand covering her cavernous dimples.
"Boy. this bunny suit is too hot, where the hell is the fan that goes with this siHy outfit?" she asked
M»Tm. Sarah wouldn't say, of course; do not, ever, hei^tf*co>npetftlon, saidOaddy.
Steve Konric arid Erika Simpson were tired of this stupid story and tokf fj^bbie which way to go. Lo,
fc>«c*ed by Mfc. rushed cfl to the left (folrcwng m
party. ;, -,_.
Rabtt Chris Wono*x»^$[»»jgo^, To Wcrxj^
l-ju«t-wam-tc-heve-fun-Burns, flanked by Jennifer Lyall. On Wongberg's right we have Morgan Burke
and Michel* Baiter. But none were having tea because Stephen Wisenthal was squatting right over
the teapot. "I'l bumble for you," ha sang to Mary.
"Get off the pot or. .," said rabbi Wongbergwho wanted to pray but instead kicked Wisenthal in
the crotch, sending little Stevie and his teapot off the table. I'l have Mary al to myself he thought. But
Stevie, glued to his pot, came hobbling back. He jumped, rotted, heaved himself back onto the table
and crawled to the centre. 'Thisrswhst rapi3enawllenyoulikcathc<is»r^envercpes,'' heseidtorw
oil* in particular.
T^ideadf drjf*^ *at kind of tee wrth that ktnd of comrjany sent Main on her way. Labbie too.
MWn rah srr^ into Labbie. Ubbie smuck^
heeded monster ever invented by the Alice in Whatsrf s author.
Tweedte-Kseand Tweedte-dovekicked the bunny away; they ware too busy arguing where they, it,
he or she, would sleep this very night. They asked Labbie to judge. Tweedte-dove wanted to slumber
near Evelyn Jacobs Kits abode where he could hear her soft snores, but Tweedta-as* insisted on hear-
ing Rabbi Wongberg's asthmatic wheezes.
Labbie spit in aa four of their eyes and kicked each irithe^^srrrh.TraB'l tear* ttismto tome shesaid.
She came upon a (title house, and walked in wrmoutroKx^ingsurryisingCartRceimberBtntlTelwth
tub. He fled. Labbie thirstily drank CerTe bath water (and • good thing tooof she would f»w^ been dsv
quatrned from th* contest). Lo and behold, Lebbte swelled to Qartdan proportions, shoving one foot
up the chimney and the other against the door.
Meanwhile, MMn was on trial for having shot up with riic»tir>e. Trie Discarded peckaoe c>f doarettes
was found in her pockets and her mouth was full of tiny holes where she poked the stogies intravenously.
Jim Chow read her charges in Chinese. Millin protested that she couldn't understand and would he
please sit down. Vera Manuel, Sherida Levy, and Betsy Gc4ot>erg held hands in the press box. The jury
box was filled with idiots: Martin West for one, Mark Quail, second, Murray Johnson, third. Alt idiots
have first names starting with M. David McCullum said he wanted to judge and told the jury box to
stand sideways to give their brains a rest.
Nickie Baby, the cartoonist, draw cartoon* of ttie jurists stattdlrrg rdo^way*. except for trasse who
feVoet of the box. McCtdum £*»M t^
gave at the office alreedy and the testimony wH have to be doneted from another source.
tvSWngot madder and madder and madder end she tipped the jury rxw upsio> down. Nickie Baby
drew the jurists standing on their heads. One must have a record of the justice system according to
CUP.
In her own defense, .Main said that the national wmrnirtw sanctioned tier hahto, a* of tf»m^
did dsdda, so take your rules and shove them,
"You're aH a bunch of letters on pages anyway." she said. And aha quickly gathered the newsprint
before jurists, wjtnaiaai, committees or eager byalandat* could protes, (of course Millin had grown to
twice the normal size by now). The race for Alee, Queen of the Ubyemafs, remains undecided.
Behind the scenea:
Hanger on: The cute one — Ron Stewart
Reporter at targe: Raj Bast
Smites: Francis Chang .
Hy on the wall: Muriel Draaisma
Copy taker: Allison Fefker
Contributing writers: Sean Byrne, Mac Ginther
Editor In chief: Mu-Mu
Contributing editor: Poopi
Publisher: Charlie Fidelman
1
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"better" student newspaper. The
petition stands on its own merits.
Third, specific recommendations
for change are not listed. The AMS
has been asked to "take steps"; action which is purposely vague.
Hardly can you charge from this
that the AMS is asked to take "control" of the paper.
The Ubyssey does have its problems. The petition is a formal
recognition that this is true. Often,
The Ubyssey itself is pleading for
help. Imagine, at a university of
some twenty-eight thousand
students, ihe paper is considered
too insignificant by its students to
help it. Why is this? The complaints
listed in the petition may offer some
answers.
No, dear editors, the petition is
not an attack, nor a desire to control. It is a responsible outcry from
the students that our paper must
improve. This, of course, begins
with an openness of change from
the editors.
More significantly, the answer to
our problem lies in recruiting
responsible help. The paper needs
people of character and integrity,
which it has so often lacked in the
past.
Consider the petition an impetus
to greater student involvement. If
nothing else, it sends a message that
students care. Ultimately, the petition's goal must be to raise the
awareness among students of the
need for greater student involvement. Hopefully, with a little help
from your friends, this will happen.
John Humphries
law 2
Pay those taxes!
Rhino Blair T. Longley, in his letter of Dec. 3, criticizes the AMS executive for being "morally opposed
to taxpayers having more control
over their own money". This seems
confused. Taxpayers already control all of their own money: some of
it through individual spending; the
rest through their electoral power
over the officials who dole out the
tax money. The exact ideal balance
between these two forms of control
is unknown, but Canada's com-
parativ success as a nation suggests
that things are about right as they
stand.
It's true that some Canadians do
not pay their taxes willingly, but
these mossheads can barely walk
and chew UIC application forms. I
personally am glad that tax money
is extracted from them, for there's
little chance that these mouth-
breathing Solomons would individually choose to pay their fair
share for public projects like
schools and hospitals.
To my mind, a Rhino preaching
fiscal responsibility has a fool for
an accountant and a bore for a
preacher.
Nick Sleigh
philosophy graduate studies Friday, December 6,1985
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 9
Explosive Koko ignites the Pump
By SHARI BTE ABDULLAH
If you were cold last Friday
night, you obviously weren't at the
Town Pump. Koko Taylor and her
Blues Machine created a veritable
heat wave with a sizzling performance. Koko has been described as
the most impassioned and exciting
of women blues singers, and in this
case the superlatives are well deserved.
Last week in Memphis, Koko
received the W.C. Handy Award
for best blues vocalist, male or
female. This is quite an achievement as this award is considered to
be the most prestigious blues award
in the world. Vince Chappelle, her
drummer, refers to her as the
"Queen of the Blues", and judging
by her performance she is more
than fit to wear the crown.
Koko may be queen, but what is a
queen without her court? Her Blues
Machine had everyone up and moving before she stepped up to her
throne. Michael Robinson on lead
guitar, Johnny B. Moore on rhthym
guitar, Jerry Murphy on bass and
Vince on drums are a positively exothermic combination.
Koko blazed through the first set
reaffirming her reputation for giving an all-out performance. The
highlight of first set was her
devastating delivery of one of the
band's own compositions, I'm a
Woman. This lady and her band
sweat pure blues.
The second set was mainly composed of requests from her zealous
fans (that included almost everyone
in the place). She razed us with Evil,
got down with Eight Bar Boogie,
tried to give away Pops Taylor with
You Can Have My Husband But
Band in the rough
By PETER BURNS
The Replacements played Vancouver Wednesday night in a show
which promised to be the best of the
year — it wasn't. Either through
lack of booze or too much of it, the
chemistry which has earned the
band the dubious distinction of being America's new underground
heroes was not there, although
sparks of fun did shine through on
occassion.
Supporting their latest album,!
Tim, released on Sire records, the
band got themselves in a rut early
and never seemed to pull out of it.
The trouble started early ... the
sound system was heavily distorted
and adding trouble to the P.A.,
singer Paul Westerberg blew his
amp and had to go the rest of the
show without a guitar. The band
seemed disoriented even for a band
who stakes its reputation on
disorientation. Westerberg . spoke
after the show about the incident,
"yeah, I was just clanging and then
I don't know what the fuck happened — it just blew." Adding, "Yeah,
it did put us off a bit."
In between directing a lost and
(once again) disoriented Bob Stinson to the Commodore washroom,
I asked Westerberg if their performance that night may have had
something to do with Canadian
beer ... a serious question from a
serious reporter (sic) ... I pressed
on. Maybe the higher alcohol content had thrown them off. "Well,
the only other night we were in
Canada was in Windor and we got
pretty pissed that night . . . it's
damn good beer."
Well, riiiiight on man. But Paul
in your 'keep on trucking' tee-hee
shirt you would think the band
would deliver some tee-hee's of its
own, but no we have to wait 'til the
infamous drunken metal covers
before the place gets relatively
gone.
The cover of B.T.O.'s "Taking
Care of Business" was a fine tribute
to a multi-talented band and the
Partridge Family's Heartbeat was a
real comer. For the most part
Westerberg; Mars, Stinson and
Stinson were fairly uninspiring as
they ran through material from
Hootenanny and Let It Be, then
launched into Hold My Life and
here Comes A Regular from the
new disc. The Minneapolis foursome showed at times that they
were capable of more intensity, but
like any wholesome bar-band the
Replacements lack the professionalism needed to guarantee consistency.
There were three bands playing
Wednesday night; one signed to
Sire, was trying to live up to its billing; one was promoting a new disk
and video on MuchMusic, Vancouver's Go Four Three; while one
band was just there to have fun, the
U-Men from Seattle.
The U-Men provided the most interesting fare of the evening turning
in a credible first performance in
Canada.
The band is very Cramps-ish in
its material but they're fresh as well.
Writhing on the ground singing
Cow Rock, John Bigley kept the
crowd amused and enthused. The
band played all the cuts off their recent English-pressing Stop Spinning. A Year And A Day and Ten
After One brought the U-Men
sound to an appreciative pre-
Replacements gathering. After the
show, guitarist Thomas Price mentioned that the band is interested in
releasing a Canadian pressing and
let's hope so — this band is neat.
THE    REPLACEMENTS
couldn't find their head.
Please Don't Mess With My Man
and finished up the evening with
Wang Dang Doodle, the Willie Dixon tune that to this day is still her
biggest hit.
Throughout the evening Koko-
and the audience exchanged
displays of mutual admiration with
Koko telling us that she loves us and
would give her "right arm and
sometimes her left leg" and her ardent fans responded by showering
her with verbal praise and roses.
Around 2 a.m. Koko retired from
the stage leaving her Blues Machine
to keep the momentum going.
When asked if they were ready to go
home, the audience replied in
unison, "NO!". The band responded with "As long as you keep dancing, we'll keep playing".
This concert Was the last in the
current Pacific Blues and Jazz
Festival.   The   next   festival   is
scheduled for sometime in June of
next year. No names have been
released yet as no contracts have
been signed, but if it is going to be
anything like the previous one, it
promises to be great. For those of
you who can't hold out until June,
don't fret! Albert Collins is returning to Vancouver January in a
repeat performance for those of
you who didn't get enough lasflime
through.
KOKO TAYLOR . . . putting on a brave face after giving away her leg. -chris cam<ton ph0,°
A goddess and her groupie
By MICHAEL GROBERMAN
September 1981
A naive, awkward 16-year-old
Michael drives across the Lions
Gate Bridge for the first time ever,
map in hand, to see a new play —
North Shore Live. After the play,
Michael gets up the nerve to go
back stage and ask actor and
playwright, Nicola Cavendish, for
her autograph. She writes "To a>
real cutie ..." Michael is
stars truck. Michael goes back to
high school, and Nicky becomes a
big Canadian star, television, film,
and leads in the Shaw Festival.
October 1985
A sophisticated and widely
respected Ubyssey theatre critic,
Michael covers the' opening of
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf at
the Vancouver Playhouse. Nicola
Cavendish is Honey. Michael has
boasted to his theatre companion,
as he has so many times before, that
"Nicky and I are old friends, from
way back." After the play, the
reception — the cast arrives.
"Well aren't you going to talk to
Nicky?" theatre companion asks.
Michael makes mental note to
withhold all further theatre invitations from this disrespectful paeon
and prepares for humiliation.
"Ms. Cavendish?"
"Yes?"
"My name is Michael Groberman, perhaps you remember me
..." Michael goes into a long,
laborious description of the few
moments spent with Nicky, so
many years before.
"Oh yes, sure. How are you?"
she responds.
Does she remember, or is she just
faking? Wait — theatre companion
is impressed. Relax. Nicky and I,
we go way back, you know.
"Ms. Cavendish, I wonder if,
possibly, perhaps, though you're
quite busy, I might, if it is not too
much trouble . . ." Michael is just
turning on the charm, "if I might
interview you for The Ubyssey."
"Why, sure. Leave a message
with the stage manager. We'll get
together."
November 5,1985 — N-Day
Nicky arrives five minutes early
at our appointed meeting spot at
Freddie Wood.
"Hello, Ms. Cavendish."
"Hello, Michael. Am I early?"
She knows my name and makes a
friendly inquiry of me. Things are
going very well. If only Michael can
maintain the charm of his original
"Hello Ms. Cavendish" all afternoon.
Michael and Nicky settle into the
bar at the Faculty Club (she's impressed), and begin the interview.
Nicky is witty, charming, and intelligent. Michael is nervous,
awkward, and boring.
Nicky speaks of her love of acting: in theatre, film, and television
(a new CBC series called The Red
Serge Wives, to premiere in
January). She prefers theatre:
"You don't have to sweat with t.v.
and film, it's not self-flagelating
enough." Michael makes a mental
in a produce truck picked me up
and felt my tits. That ended the hitchhiking, (pause) I'm still looking
for him."
Nicky is but one of several successful performers who started at
Freddie Wood in the early 70's.
That period "produced an extraordinary group of theatre professionals."
After graduation, Nicky worked
four months as a practical nurse,
and then auditioned for the Vancouver Playhouse. She got in, and
has worked ever since. "I'm still
waiting for the dry spell," she says.
Though acting consumed her first
five years as a professional, she
chose playwriting five years ago. It
was then that she saw her ffrst play
produced: North Shore Live, a
parody of people and television,
which she co-wrote witfi Tom
Wood. The play has since toured
Canada with Nicky and Wr^od performing all roles.
NICOLA CAVENDISH . . . alone for a change.
note to prefer theatre to t.v. and
film.
Nicky arrived at UBC from the
Okanagan in the early 70's, 16 and
alone. She rented a "little
gardener's cottage in Point Grey,
without heat, for $45 a month. I
hitchhiked on 4th Avenue every
day." That is, until the day "a man
She has some play ideas in the
works, including one in which
"Nancy and Sluggo meet Veronica
and Archie. I grew up with all of
them. I always gravitated to Nancy
and Sluggo. Veronica and Archie
are   so   goddamn   predictable."
See page 14: CAVENDISH Page 10
THE    UBYSSEY
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Friday, Dece%«er6,1985
THE    UBYSSEY
-i       e d,   r"^<f~     "~     r _X     f -    f
Oozing like tepid egg nog
By MICHAEL GROBERMAN
Christmas is that annual event
that brings carolers, Perry Como,
Santa Claus, and bad plays by the
Vancouver Playhouse (remember
last year's Better Watch Out, Better
Not Die?). Not to break with tradition, the Playhouse has hauled Alan
Ayckbourn's Season's Greetings
out from some well deserved
mothballs and allowed it to ooze
(like tepid egg nog) all over the
Playhouse stage.
Season's Greetings
At the Queen Elizabeth Playhouse
The cast is polished, and includes
well known Vancouver actors
Christopher Gaze, Bernard Cuffling, Lome Kennedy, and Goldie
Semple from the Shaw Festival. The
actors are not the problem, faced as
they are with a script that is practically dead on arrival.
Nine self-consciously eccentric,
mildly funny, rarely interesting,
friends and family members are
gathered to spend Christmas
together. They shuffle about the
stage in a long and predictable
series of insipid pseudo-conflicts.
But script itself only verges on the
deadly boring. It requires the
murderous hand of a careless director to inflict the coup-de-grace — a
blow deftly delivered by director
Margaret Bard.
The script is long and repetative.
Nothing ever happens and there is
So There So
There So The
re So There J
By JIMMY NELMS
Special to The Ubyssey
I thought Carousel Theatre's production to Scrooge was really neato,
especially because we got out of
school to go see it.
Scrooge
At the Waterfront Theatre
It was a bit boring to start with
because all the characters just talked and talked. My teacher said that
is called a "plot development." I
think it is just boring. For fun I
pulled on Michelle's hair and bugged David until my teacher got mad.
Then the music got really scary.
Mr. Scrooge was really rotten
before he met the ghost and mostly
all he said was "bah humbug." He
was especially nasty to Mr. Cratchett and his family who were real
nice people. He was pretty funny
though, especially when he wasn't
talking too much and when he talked about undigested potato. He
even burped once. I laughed my
head off.
There was one really, really scary
part when the dead guy (who was
really Scrooge) grabbed Scrooge
and they had a big fight behind the
bed curtains. Everyone screamed
especially two girls in my class,
Sarah and Lise. I thought it was just
dumb and those girls are too. So
there.
The turkey looked like plastic
and I thought it was dumb. Jason is
so dumb he thought the turkey was
real. He's only in grade 5 so I guess
that figures. We could tell the
snow wasn't real but we all liked it
anyhow.
The ghost was the very best
character but he wasn't really, really scary especially because he mostly
just talked alot. Besides I could tell
lOPDErxil
no plot development
falls absolutely flat. The crescendos
of confusion are little more than
periodic  group  reactions  to  immediate situations.
There are intriguing undertones
of black comedy offered in asides
and short remarks in which
characters admit to self-doubt and
feelings of failure. But these lines
are invariably delivered with a farcical comedic bent — pointing an
accusing finger at what is a
shameful directoral decision: go for
laughs all the time, even if, or
especially if, the line is not funny.
That is not to say there are no
I
SEMPLE, SAMPLES . . . similar names
As a farce it funny parts. On the contrary, Bernard Cuf fling as old uncle Bernard,
infamous designer, writer and puppeteer of the world's worst puppet
shows, is hilarious. Much to the
other guests' horror that he will
once again inflict his special brand
of story-telling on the poor
defenceless children. Uncle Bernard
comes up with what must be the
longest and most complicated version of the Three Little Pigs ever
presented. Unfortunately, the
humour of this scene is quite out of
keeping with the general tone of the
show.
The characters are boring, the
love intrigue between Belinda and
Clive and Rachel and Give, is boring, the bickering married couples
are boring in their predictable
arguments, and the set is boring —
diagonal wood panneled Whistler
condo style (this is set in England?).
In addition, the twangy, electronic, versions of Christmas carols
played during scene changes are
sufficiently jarring and irritating as
to make the scene changes as
irksome as much of the play itself.
It is a shame that the talented cast
gathered for Season's Greetings did
not have a script worthy of their
abilities.
THE BIG MAN
in red and his little woman
Smiling Santa suffers menopause
By CHARLIE FIDELMAN
In true Christmas spirit, Santa
Gaus the Movie, has something for
everyone of any mental capacity,
political direction, or religious affiliation. It has greats — Dudley
Moore playing a cute elf, John
Lithgou as B.Z. the villain, and
Burgess Meredith as an ancient elf.
But all it gave me is a sickly feeling  of  having  eaten  too  many
sweets.
Santa Claus the Movie
Directed by Jeannot Szwarc
At the Coronet
mm mk*~ mmwmvsm
$®^%m
Magic sleigh just a bit too slow
TINY Tlr/. . .
it was just make-up like I wore at
Halloween when my little brother
and I went out as hockey players
(we had excellent scars).
The little kid who played Tiny
Tim was pretty good except that I
could tell he was just a regular kid. I
could have done it just as well. All
the girls on the bus on the way back
said that he looked like Michael J.
Fox. I think Michael J. Fox is a real
zero. So there.
I think the best part of the whole
show was when all the actors and
everybody who worked behind the
set came out and told us how the set
works and how they do the special
a real zero?
effects. It was really excellent to K
told about all these things.
Last year at Christmas I went i >
see the Pied Piper and I liked it tu i
ter than Scrooge even though th*
didn't go by the story in my boot
They had lots more special effci^
and scary stuff. It was really l>
cellent. The Pied Piper appeared in
a puff of smoke. The ghost n.
Scroojge walked through a door
(how boring). My mom says thai
there was less special stuff becausi
the government doesn't give enough
money to theatre and other artist i-
stuff. I think that is really rotter.
So there!
—- "TB*
r
B> GORMAN4 R4SK
'Ho\« u~> >oii in all she toy
jr sleigh Sania'" asks iittu-
Cidinger ip wonder.
. on
"!! ' a magic tlei':!1,' sa\. Isama
00 \ou behe\c in magic Ah'-".*''"
01 course she does This In wh>
"i^bic dgie.s to help the chn tmas
. gel   Gideon   with   i,i,   >eail>
ignment (lrom St. Nick himself):
. ' ri..o\ei Mrs. Grainger's
( lristmas spirit.
You see, things are not well in the
11 .linger household: Mr. Grainger
i- out of work, Mrs. Grainger
Jivsn't seem to like her job and is
always fighting with her boss, they
Arc being evicted from their house,
ili> children, Abbie and Cal, won't
n- getting what they want for
Christmas because there isn't
enough money, and sadly, this wor-
iiM.me list goes on.
The main problem with One
Magic Christmas is not that it is too
iorny, but rather, that it is just a bit
ti'i' slow and depressing — especial-
K the beginning.
Alter this *-low pa.c ihe audicnc-
is sudoenh hit wi'h °-o much action
thai n border- on hilaruv How
tiiiJi more can happen' Who eisc
ian die'1 Wr.erc is Gideon to sd >.
this moMe jp.j a'l its uurace' *'
Will, sun- I'nougl', Gideon u"c
'how up in uiiij to' i'li I'xpii'.nl
h.ippv Wa'i Disiie; moMc enJrig
Now, it sou ha\cn'i dtrcaJ\
deemed that mis nnmc is not 101
\ou, i mus-' sa\ that I ui> not regrc
seeing One Magic Christmas. The
acting, scenery, and Phillip Borsos'
(The Grey Fox and The Mean
Season) direction save a script that
is lacking in spirit.
Gideon, (soft spoken cult star
Harry Dean Stanton — Paris,
Texas, The Godfather, Part II,
Private Benjamin), is not the expected man-in-a-white-suit angel.
He is a scruffy cowboy who looks in
dire need of a shower and shave.
Yet, in his quiet reserve there is a
spiritual quality to be seen.
Academy Award-winner Mary
Steenburgen as the stressed and
overworked mother excellently por-
tmved deprc->s;0: . a iu need •:
ihi Iwr tor hi- chilJr'M si;', shu .
through
However, the :riu su,i
(Elizabeth Hdinois.- ti\.' r
h,
e\i-
•.'■,)    l\l)0-C    till
\vl.' e\ei\ pas-,>ni. •-'.,
enters Santa's woiix-m
.ilii
- Abbie
o at .'gc
op;n v. iJir
-; W hei1 sue
p the nio\.c
li'idli;. seems magic. An duthentv-
looi-my Santd leads AUtn through
tne magnilu'cni workshop while the
good Mrs. Claus gcis Santa's lunch
box ready and sweater patched for
his long night's work.
At this point you should find a
Christmas Carol coming to mind.
Herein lies the key; One Magic
Christmas will put you in a
Christmas mood.
So if you have an hour and a half
to spare — perhaps while resting
those tired feet between stores, or
resting your brain between exams
— it will be time well spent. I
recommend you see a forgetable
movie that will never be a classic
and take some kids or eggnog with
you for further seasonal enjoyment.
v,..       - «■•
SANTA . . . caught without a smile
That old Klaus is something else.
He is that smiling stranger bearing
gifts that children are warned to
stay away from at playgrounds,
parks, street corners. And if someone at TriStar Pictures doesn't
do a quick remake of Santa Clause
the Movie, parents will keep their
tots away from his celluloid version
too.
Santa is not outdated in this
world — that lovely mixture of kind
generosity from the dirty old man
— but he should spruce up his
vocabulary. Ho ho ha um ho, double ho ad infinitum, is the creative
work of screenwriter David
Newman, whose other characters
fare just as badly.
Perhaps director Jeannot Szwarc
thought all those ho ho ho's would
not displace Santa's smile.
Director: "Wardrobe, the wardrobe. Get out here an fix Klaus'
smile, for chrissake, it's his major
costume design, his major role, so
get it right, and paste it all over him
while you're straightening the one
on his face."
There is a plot too for all of us
who like a middle, beginning and an
end in our movies. Well, you know
the story. Santa whips through the
skies on his reindeer-drawn chariot
to distribute toys to all the good
boys and girls.
Oh, oh. There's one lonely, lost
waif in New York city Christmas
Eve and he's rather unhappy. Santa
finds him. (This Klaus has Superman's eyes.) He swoops down on
Joe who is warming himself near a
blazing garbage can and tries his
best to convince Joe that
CHRISTMAS HAS MEANING.
Santa: I've brought you a gift
Joe.
Joe: A gift?
Santa: Yea, a gift.
Joe: For me?
Santa: For you, Joe.
Joe: A gift for me Santa?
Santa: Yea Joe, a gift from Santa
to you.
Joe: Not me?
Santa: Yes, yes, you, you.
Joe: Who are you?
Santa: I'm Santa Klaus.
Joe: Santa Klaus?
Santa: Yes, Santa Klaus.
Joe: Getouta here, really?
Santa: Really.
What has happened to the script?
The script? Yes, the script. And
why is this scintillating dialogue set
to crescendos of Henry Mancini
muzak?
Well, if you think the script is
weak in complexity, ideas, sentence
will love this kind of gooey cooing.
And even younger infants will be
structure, etc., remember that infants without language skills or
concepts to try their language on,
Bag»»»8»ga
enthralled with the reindeer noises
But some adults will complain
that the deer are shortchanged in
the dialogue department. And family pets whose only role models in
this movie are the deers, will be
upset at their one sided portrayal.
And if deer lovers will be upset,
imagine Mrs. Klaus' fans distress
when they discover that the Missus
has even less to say than the beasts.
At least the deers are actors. They
-get to roll their eyes a lot, and so
would the Missus if she had to haul
a hulk like Klaus through miles of
snow on a delivery express.
But she doesn't. Instead the
Missus smiles plumply, often, and
always in hubbie's direction. The
other female role, a rich orphan
named Cornelia, is a better role
model for little girls. Corney nurtures Joey when he lands on her
door step sniffling, sneezing, dripping wet. Corney sticks a thermometer up his, er, mouth and tries
to tuck him into bed. What a good
girl. Between Mrs. Klaus' mute
kindness and Corney's silly mothering, the little girls of our world will
know exactly what to do come
Christmas.
And little boys (not to be left out
of this review) will have no trouble
with being Santa's favorite best
friend, like Joey the waif is.
Guess who gets to drive Santa'si
flying reindeer?
Santa: Do you want to drive
Joey?
Joe: Who me? Drive?
Santa: Yes, you.
Joe: Really?
Santa: Really.
Joe: Awesome,
Flying the beasts of the northern
toy express is the highlight of Santa
Gaus the Movie, as might be ex
pected. But the visuals in this
something-for-everyone-to-love-or
hate-flick-of-the-Xmas-week are
paltry after the flights of Superman.
And what about Dudley, that
superman of comedy? Dudley in his
elf clothes is ho hum funny. And
with his elf made toys he almost
ruins Christmas for the big man in
the red suit. Little Dudley causes
Santa to go through male
menopause because the elf's toy
candy contains drugs and that's
BETTER than anything Santa ever
brings.
Well,  that  should  be  elf ex
planatory, as Dudley would say Page 12
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1985
Indira's letters' laments disappointing
By EVELYN JACOB
It seems that whenever anyone of
reputation dies, intimate secrets and
private interludes immediately
spring to public attention from out
of the woodwork.
This is not the case with Indira
Gandhi's Letters to an American
Friend, which captures the trivial
rather than great moments of personal intrigue.
Gandhi's letters add to the growing list of personal memoirs which
are becoming a dime a dozen. The
difference here is that Gandhi did
not live to see the publication of her
letters, which were compiled by and
written! to Dorothy Norman, Indira's ■ closest friend and an
American involved in delivering
economic aid to India.
The book deals with the private
life of Indira Gandhi; it is not a
political document, nor is it a
glorified biography of India's
Prime Minister. The puzzling thing
about the work is that there is not
much of anything that would interest the average reader in it — not
eveh for those who know nothing at
all/of Gandhi's life and times.
The letters themselves reflect the
mind of a great leader and traces
her personal development from the
death of Mohandas Gandhi (leader
of India's nonviolent struggle for
independence), to the death of Indira Gandhi herself. But against this
backdrop of potentially stimulating
material are very personal moments
of Gandhi's life which are at times
hard to take.
I have serious problems with
passages, for example, that deal
with the inadequacy of Indian bras,
the elastic of which Gandhi complains, melts in the severe heat of
Indian summers. There is in fact,
more than one letter in which Indira
asks Dorothy to send her special
American bras from New York to
compensate for her problem.
It is moments like this that one
feels somehow betrayed — sorry
that Indira had not just phoned her
friend long distance instead. And
what makes a bad book even more
treacherous is the dead, colourless
prose in which both Indira and
Dorothy write.
Still, there is a tiny flicker of light
at the end of The Letters, for we do
get brief glimpses of the woman
who stands behind the great contradiction, the enigma which we
know as India.
What is surprising about
Gandhi's personal bent is that she
was never happy in the political
limelight; she suffered from severe,
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Indira Gandhi:
Letters to an American Friend
1950-1984.
Selected, with Commentary,
from Correspondence with
Dorothy Norman.
chronic depression throughout her
life, and because of it she wanted
nothing more than to bow out from
Indian politics, and buy a cottage in;
the English countryside where she
could escape the false tongues and
narrow-mindedness of her fellow
countrymen.
After years in public office, Indira became increasingly cynical
about the world; particularly in her
attitude towards the United States
and the American press. "Publicity," she said, focuses not on what is
really happening, but tries to search
out something wrong or sensational."
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However legitimate Gandhi's
complaints were, she came to view
the world as a nastier place to live in
as life went on. "The centre cannot
hold," she says, quoting W.B.
Yeats, referring to the hopeless progression of India, and of the agony
of life itself.
Letters to an American Friend is
available for those who care about
gathering "tid-bits" of Indian
politics, and mostly private flashes
of Gandhi's life. The danger the
book falls into, however, is that it
violates that ever-so-thin border
between that which is personal, and
that whicjh.is teeth-grinding trivia.
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Value: $6,500 to $10,000
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Announcement of winners: April 1,1986
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For details and application forms, contact the Graduate
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Maisonneuve Blvd. West, Montreal, Quebec H3G 1M8.
Tel: (514) 848-3809.
* Includes the David J. Azrieli Graduate Fellowship, the Stanley G.
French Graduate Fellowship, the John W. O'Brien Graduate
Fellowship, and the Alcan Doctoral Fellowship in Commerce and
Administration.
,^o<*V^
OPENING FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13th at a Famous
Players theatre near you, check local listings. Friday, December 6,1985
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 13
Anne is magically loony
-i-f
By PETER BURNS
It's time to walk again
It's time to make our way
Through the fountain squares
And the colanades
Your dress is shimmering
Your voice is hiding things
Whey you say
I've hardly changed
John Foxx
It's time to run again this time
through the Renoir-esque production of Lucy Maud Montgomery's
classic Anne of Green Gables. From
the lazy, gentle plop of a girl slipping into a river amidst an idyllic setting to the soft rambling of Megan
Follows as Anne, the film succeeds
in every way. If ever there was a
reason for loving the CBC, this is
finally it.
The orphan adored by Canadians
and the world for over eighty years
has finally been brought to the
screen and the resulting pleasure
and innocence is wonderful. The
book which has been translated into
over 20 languages and eight million
copies, has been lovingly brought to
life by director Kevin Sullivan and a
fantastic array of talent.
This is a sweet Maritime girl and
the wonderfully rich childhood unfolding before her. The girl is
something of a Pippi Longstocking
in her ability to get herself in embarrassing and exciting trouble.
Part of the reason she gets herself in
trouble is her ability to "talk a hind
leg off a mule".
The $3.4 million film follows the.
book closely in recreating the
hilarious Anne (with a "e")
episodes and bringing them to the
screen: the green hair travesty, the
mouse in the pudding, the intoxication of Anne's "bosom" friend
Diana Barry, and numerous other
neat adventures.
The film which premiered this
past Sunday and Monday on the
CBC, will be seen again in the spring on PBS. If you missed it — too
bad, you'll have to wait.
The four-hour mini-series
brought together a distinguished
and fantastically appropriate cast to
play the loonies which dot Anne's
life. The exceptional pairing of
Richard Farnsworth (The Grey
Fox) and Colleen Dewhurst
(Woody Allen's Interiors) as the
elderly brother and sister who adopt
her succeeds in bringing the warmth
and fuss which makes the film
shine.
From the Bertolucci-type
cinematography to the adventures
of our little Canadian heroine, the
entire production breathes a
warmth that is sublime.
Megan Follows is a girl with a radiant beauty that is perfectly complemented by the lush wilderness of
Prince Edward Island: the mossy
green rolling hills; the sandy white
cliffs by the sea; the velvety fields
and paths that Anne walks upon —.
all of these reflect the magic that is
Anne of Green Gables; a sweet
young thing done good!
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Coming Soon To Vancouver Page 14
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1986
Cavendish in a hurry
From page 9
Nicky also has a vague concept for
a play about her dog, "I was at
home, in a heated argument, and
while these abusive words were
hurtling from my mouth, I looked
down at my dog, and he had his
head on his paws, listening. I
thought: what a great idea for a
play. Because we are such an
egotistical race, we assume the dog
doesn't hear, when really he knows
everything."
Nicky's current project is rehearsal of a play she wrote and in which
she will perform: It's Snowing on
Saltspring, which opens at the Arts
Club Seymour Street on December
9.
Tired of Christmas plays that
. deal cynically with the commercialism of Christmas, she decided to
write her own play, "It's great, it's
sweet, it's everything Christmas
ought to be." In addition to Nicky,
the cast includes Santa Claus (as
himself), Barbara Russell, Janet
Wright and Ed Astley (from Sex
Tips). Larry Lillo is directing.
Any regrets? Anything she would
change about her life? "The sooner
we realize that time is the most
precious commodity we have, the
better we'll be. I wouldn't change
anything in my life, but I'd do it all
a hell of a lot faster."
The interview is over. Thank you
Nicky, "Thank you Ms.
Cavendish." She does not insist I
call her Nicky. The interview is a
failure.
Tuesday, November 26, 1985
Michael has, days before, left
a message for "Ms. Cavendish" to
phone him regarding some additional questions he'd like to ask
The phone rings.
"Hello."
"Hello Michael? This is Nicky
After 6
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Cycle
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Since
'If you want to be where the action is, do your
holiday shopping at a department store!"
That's where you'll feel the holiday
spirit. The festive line ups. The jolly
sales clerks. The joyous herds of
shoppers.
But if you've had enough of the
"Downtown Christmas Cha-Cha"
then why not do your holiday shopping right on campus.
The UBC Bookstore has a new line
of exciting Intramural Sportswear.
Designed and produced by Brooks.
Style and quality at low student
prices for the active person on your
gift list.
We took the action out of shopping
and put it into our sportwearf
^BROOKS
BOOKSTORE
OtuC fHiMm/ud6...{jO>u aood Mottit
/ Friday, December 6,1985
CONTRACEPTION
Title: Studies of Canadian Ordinance in our Northern Territories Reveals
that the Allies Can Expect to Prevent The Incineration of Our Nations.
Investigators'. V. Masters and C Johnson.
Organization: Dept. of Pharmaceutical Engineering, University of B.C.
Submitted to: S. Ed. Cayshin, SDIO.
ABSTRACT
An effective ballistic missile defence system must be not pnly effective,
but also safe to use over a period of many years, and free from any harmful
or unpleasant side effects. Our group is proposing a three-tiered system.
The first level of defence, which is also the most effective, easy to employ
and cheapest form of protection is Prevention of Illegitimate Launch
(PILL), more commonly known as "arms control". Nevertheless, to guard
against the unlikely event that PILL, if properly employed, should fail, two
additional layers of protection are proposed.
In the event of a Proven Employment of Nuclear Intervention by the
Soviets (PENIS), we propose the immediate launch of a system of Canadian Obstruction of Nuclear Devastation by Old-fashioned Means (CONDOM). This consists of a series of rockets based in Northern Canada which
are launched up to intercept enemy lCBM's in the bus stage with a thin film
of synthetic rubber stretched over a rigid frame. Using space-age plastics
a film of approximately seven square kilometres can be deployed by each
rocket.
The final layer of defence, to be used to mop up any Soviet Projectiles
Engaging in Re-entry Maneuvers (SPERM's) that have therefore escaped
the CONDOM system, is a Germanium Exclusion Lattice (GEL). This
system is based upon the ability of Germanium when subjected to MASER
stimulation under the low temperature — low pressure conditions of the
upper atmosphere to associate into a rigid lattice covering a wide area.
Calculations of the effectiveness of such schemes suggest that PILL
should fail less than one per cent of superpower-conflict-years based upon
a frequency of three crises per week. The failure rates of CONDOM and
GEL are similarly estimated at three to five per cent per year each. If all
three tiers are deployed, therefore, an effectiveness of greater than
99.975% is anticipated.
In short, while no system of prophylaxis against ballistic missile attack
will ever be completely effective, we believe we do have, at least in embryonic form, the foundation of a scheme which can obviate the need for
us to abort the lives of millions of Soviet citizens.
— by John Bratty
U B YSS E
JUk: HiKh-v,„,
£^f«h-*eid Fishi
,nvesMgator« ^ ,echnJques for ,,
S*«2fi I Gu,J ^d o , 0Wet Utiles ffi.
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GriHaChin« NonrAUPPeratmoVnh °fsuchfibrer8JyuStr°ng 7? SUch «
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%e> ^e plan^^^PPed S,S «*tod (E _ „     '"* *ls
SCQIItllt
RAMBO
Title: Returning All Missiles Back Overseas.
Investigators: R. E. Ply and C. Vantastik.
Organization: Rubber Manufacturers Research Group.
IST/STA Submitted to: SDIO.
Funding  Cycle:   FY86  Funding  Requirements:   $760,000  (1st  year);
$27,000,000 (5 year program).
ABSTRACT
The desire for a non-nuclear defence can be combined with the wish to
retain some form of nuclear deterrence, without the need for Western
nuclear weapons. This can be accomplished through the combined expertise of the American rubber industry and structural engineers who can
develop and deploy a Towering Rebounding Apparatus Magnificently Providing Overland Invincible Nuclear Elasticity (TRAMPOLINE).
We have estimated that 17,563 of these TRAMPOLINES should be placed along the edges of North America and at reflectively determined angles
so that any attacking missile would be Returned to the Enemy By Outer
UnNatural Deliver (REBOUND).
Consequently, the enemy would be twice deterred from attacking us.
First, attack would be futile because of our effective non-nuclear defence,
which would mean Marvelous Americans Getting Investment protection
Over Top (MAGINOT). Second, the opponent would be prevented from
attacking through nuclear deterrence as any attack on us would result in
Marxist Assurred Destruction Too (MAD 11). MAD II, unlike its
predecessor, is morally acceptable because it would not be our missiles
which kill the enemy.
Our proposal is technically feasible and morally unassailable. The plan
will provide a much needed boost to our economy through a financial injection into the patriotic American Rubber Industry. As well, it will satisfy
those who desire a new defensive strategy and those who wish to continue
to adhere to a MAD doctrine.
— by Chris Corless
The  Us^c^^^^^^B^^^m
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gram). 8 <**: FY 87 ,&**«£.. SDio",Sh Col^cZ*£ Re™"
ABSTRACT en,emS:^.000 000n     '
anti-baJlistic^ndPanicular]vth    •
Term'«al Oblitera^;
-by^kFettes Page 16
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1985'
War toys dangerous
By ERIKA SIMPSON
War toys sell more, even more
than Cabbage Dolls or the newest
toy for kids, "My Little Pony",
says WOW toy store clerk in Vancouver's Granville Market.
War toys? The concept sounds
unreal, almost obscene. But any toy
store or parent will tell you that war
toys are the fastest growing product
line on the toy market and kids
desperately want them.
This Christmas season the hottest
item is called the "transformer".
Anything from a toy insect to a toy
car "transforms" into a gun-
slinging robot. It is a "war toy"
greatly demanded by kids aged four
to 11 years old.
The sale of war toys like
transformers, GI Joe dolls, guns
and fighter planes has grown 350
per cent since 1982. They are a profit making business for some; and a
source of concern for others.
Last Saturday was the International Day Against War Toys, by
Vancouver city council and Vancouver Mayor Mike Harcourt. The
campaign to establish a commemorative day was started by
Helen Spiegelman because she sees
a strong connection between war
toys and violent behaviour.
"I'm concerned that the main
focus of more and more children's
games and toys is conflict which is
resolved by combat," she said.
The Vancouver School Board, a
dozen day care associations and
many pre-school associations in
B.C. supported Spiegelman's campaign as it gathered momentum
during November. About 17,000
leaflets about war toys were
distributed to associations all
around B.C.
The newly formed Organization
Against War Toys presented a brief
to city council where Spiegelman
said, "I got the feeling it was a
motherhood issue." City council
was unanimous in declaring Saturday an official day of conscious
raising about war toys.
Plans were made to distribute
leaflets to shoppers in Vancouver.
CBC-TV filmed Spiegelman handing the leaflets to shoppers. But
when the day arrived, cold weather
persuaded the organization's
members to distribute leaflets inside
shopping malls.
"The campaign was not targeting
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toy stores or even a line of toys,"
said Spiegelman. But out of 17
shopping centres contacted only
one, Champlain Mall, allowed the
leaflet's distribution.
Saturday's campaign was not as
effective as expected, although seven
volunteers dist-'buted a few thousand leaflets at Champlain Mall.
Spiegelman said "political" information and even poppies are
distributed inside shopping centres
so the leaflets should have been
allowed in more malls in Vancouver.
See page 17: AGGRESSION
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MY BUDGET?!
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Come to the Regent Bookstore
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under$10:
Regent Bookstore
2120 Wesbrook Mall, Vancouver (on the U.B.C. campus)
Looking For A
Job in '86?
. . .  so are approximately 5000
other B. C. university graduates.
In 1984-85:
—approx. 800 out of 1200 Engineering Grads were unable to
find employment as Engineers,
—approx. 80% of the Education Grads were unable to find
work in their field,
—approx. 116 of 444 Law Students graduating from UBC
didn't find articles.
Avoid being one of these unemployment statistics.
There are jobs out there — the key is knowing how to get
them. If you want to secure employment in '86, now is the time to
take action and to learn how to acquire the winning edge.
US A.B. MOWATT &Assodates
Specialists in career planning and job search
training, are offering free introductory
Job Search Seminars for
Grads of '86
For further information and to reserve your space
Call Diane Voth
669-7227 Friday, December 6,1985
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 17
Aggression promoted
From page 16
A shopping centre official at one
which did not allow the leaflets said
they were not permitted because
they would have detracted from
business.
"Poppies don't detract from
business in the centre whereas her
leaflets would. We have a committment to our retailers," said Gordon
Petrie at Lougheed Mall.
Despite their setback the
Organization Against War Toys
plans to set up a booth next year to
inform consumers about the connection between war toys and
violent behaviour.
Is there a concrete connection
between war toys and violent
behaviour among children? According to one toy clerk, who wished to
remain anonymous, playing with
war toys can be an outlet for a
child's aggression.
Neal Kyle, a psychologist in mental health at the University of
British Columbia, believes that
playing with war toys is more likely
to encourage aggressive behaviour
among children.
"Playing with war toys is more
likely to promote aggressive
behaviour than to act as a
catharsis," said Kyle, adding the effects on children of playing with
toys can be likened to the effects on
children of watching television.
The evidence, on the whole, fails
to support the "catharsis theory",
which argues children find an outlet
for aggressiveness by watching
violent TV. But research shows that
watching violence on TV increases
the tendency among a subgroup of
children to resort to violence in real
life. Some children will be more
prone to use aggression if they are
habituated to seeing violence on
TV.
Kyle reasons that, like TV viewing, playing with war toys teaches
children to behave combatively in
the real world. Kyle says parents
should more carefully consider
whether or not to buy their children
toys like guns.
"You have to wonder if parents
have thought about the situation,"
he said.
Alan Silver, a 16 year old who
helped distribute leaflets Saturday,
says he is concerned about what he
calls the "desensitization" of war
toys. He believes war toys definitely
teach children to' act violently
toward their enemies.
"Little kids see a toy advertised
on TV and no matter what it is they
will want it. So the parents say OK
and buy it," said Silver. "But when
you play with guns and pretend you
are killing your enemy it teaches
you violence and aggression and
how to treat your enemies."
He said kids do not need to play
violent war games to relieve their
aggressive, angry feelings. "There
are many ways to let off energy, like
dribbling a basketball." Or by
distributing leaflets on a cold winter
day in Vancouver.
L*tk
THE
AMS OMBUDSPEMS OFFICE
IS NOW CALLING FOR
VOLUNTEERS
TO HELP IN ITS DAY TO DAY OPERATIONS.
VOLUNTEERS WILL BE REQUIRED TO DEAL
WITH COMPLAINTS AND STAFF THE OFFICE
DURING THE WEEK.
ALL INTERESTED PERSONS ARE ASKED TO
SUBMIT THEIR NAME, YEAR, AND PHONE
NUMBER BY JANUARY 10, 1986, TO:
KEVIN KENDALL, AMS OMBUDSPERSON
SUB 100A, 228-4846
OR
JONATHAN MERCER, AMS VICE PRESIDENT
SUB 248/238, 228-3092
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Not valid with any other offer. Expires Dec. 31, 1986        |      Not valid with any other offer. Expires Dec. 31, 1986
SUMMER EMPLOYMENT—C.A. FIRM
ARTHUR ANDERSEN & CO.
If you are a 3rd year accounting student with academic leadership
abilities and are interested in professional employment with a C.A. firm
May to August 1986, please submit your resume (UCPA form is
suitable) and a copy of your most recent transcript of marks by
December 17, 1985 to the Canada Employment Centre on Campus,
Brock Hall.
All resumes will be acknowledged. Campus interviews will be held in late
January.
Additional information is available at the U.B.C. Canada Employment
Office.
AN AMBLIN ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION IN ASSOCIATION WITH HENRY WINKIER/ROGER BIRNBAUM
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS STEVEN SPIELBERG KATHLEEN KENNEDY-FRANK MARSHALL
^WRITTEN BY CHRIS COLUMBUS • PRODUCED BY MARK JOHNSON • DIRECTED BY BARRY LEVINSON   ....
Qamjitn js£fe~'ss3 nmm*; a paramount picture m
EHritlllllHiNI. COPVniGHT '   l»«B»PARAMOUNI PICTURES CORPORATION AND AM8LIN ENTERTAINMENT IMC    "•"'■'
Now playing at a Famous Player theatre near you,
check local listings. Page 18
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1985
THE CLASSIFIEDS
RATES: AMS Card Holders — 3 lines, 1 day $2.50; Additional lines, 60c. Commercial —
1 day $4.50; Additional lines, 70c. Additional days, $4.00 and 66c.
Classified ads are payable in advance. Deadline is 10:30 a.m. the day before publication
Publications, Room 266, S.U.B., UBC, Van., B.C. V6T2A5
Charge Phone Orders Over $10.00 — Call 228-3977
TODAY
ASTRONOMY AND AEROSPACE CLUB
End of term dinner, 5:30 p.m.. Astronomy and
Geophysics building.
LE OOIB FRANCAIS
Meeting, noon. International House lounge.
GRADUATE STUDENT SOCIETY
End of term dance, 8 p.m.. Graduate Student
Centre ballroom.
UBC SAILING CLUB
1st annual Christmas party, 11 a.m.-7 p.m., SUB
Gallery lounge.
CHINESE STUDENTS ASSOCIATION OF UBC
Beginners Cantonese conversation class, noon,
Buch B317.
FILM SOCIETY
Film:   "Ladyhawke",  7 and 9:30 p.m.,  SUB
auditorium.
THUNDERBIRD BASKETBALL
UBC men play host to Multnomah College. Last
home game. 8:30 p.m.. War Memorial gym.
UBC SOCIAL CREDIT CLUB
Speak to your  government,  club  booth,   10
a.m.-3 p.m., SUB lobby.
SATURDAY
FILM SOCIETY
Film: Ladyhawke, 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., SUB
auditorium.
SUNDAY
FILM SOCIETY
Film: Ladyhawke, 7 p.m., SUB euditorium.
MONDAY
UBC JAPAN EXCHANGE CLUB
Dinner and night clubing, 6 p.m.-8 p.m., Alei's
on Powell, tickets in SUB 249G.
f #ffe "
AMS Christmas
%ifmK%*
Craft Fair
I **'.
Nov. 25-Dec. 21
Mon.-Fri.
SUBM
ain Concourse
A Variety of Handcrafted,
Low-Cost Items
Come and Take A Look!
STUDENT SPECIAL
20% OFF
THE REGULAR PRICES
OF ALL MERCHANDISE
IN THE STORE.
With a copy of this ad
or the presentation of
an AMS Card.
Big savings on hockey equipment, soccer   boots,   racquets,   running   wear,
sports bags, day packs, etc. etc. etc.
COMMUNITY SPORTS
3615 West Broadway
733-1612
OPEN SUNDA YS NOON TO 5:00 P. M.
St. Anselm's Anglican Church
University Boulevard
presents
A Traditional Festival
of Lessons & Carols
of Christmas
Sun., Dec. 15
7:00 p.m.
All are invited
Those   wishing   to   sing   in   a
voluntary choir please meet at
6:00 p.m.
224-1410
Seva Service Society
presents
An Evening With Ramdass
Celebrate Spirit thru Service
Thursday, Dec. 19
7:30 p.m.
John Oliver High School
41st & Fraser
Tix: $8 at Banyen Books
or at Seva Office, 2040 W. 12th
Info: 733-4284
A Benefit for Seva's Local &
Overseas Community Service
Projects
11 - FOR SALE - Private
RETURN AIR FARE, female Vanc.-Tor.
Dec. 27-Jan. 08. $320.00. Ph. 980-4209
eves.
FIRM NEW BED for $50? Desk 4 drawers
for $30? Comfortable chair and desk lamp
for $207 No kidding! Phone 738-2934 after 6
p.m.
PROPRIOCEPTION BOOKS
#217-1956 W. Broadway, 734-4112
Open 2-6 Monday thru Saturday
AIRPLANE TICKET for Montreal. Lv. Dec.
16, Rt. Jan. 7. Male, $300. Ph. bet.
1:30-2:30 wkdays. 669-4216.
15 - FOUND
ONE BLACK TOTE BAG on 16th Ave. &
Westbrook Mall with books & notes. Call
874-5148.
SMALL CASE WITH CALCULATOR on Fri.
Nov. 29 near B-Lot & Main Mall. Call
228-6848.
20 - HOUSING
ACCOMMODATION is available in the
U.B.C. Student Residences. Fairview Crescent, U.B.C.'s newest residence facility, is
accepting applications from students who
are 23 years of age by December 31st, 1985
or who are graduate students. Totem Park
and Place Vanier Residences have immediate vacancies for men and women of
any age for room and board accommodation. Come to the Student Housing Office,
2071 West Mall, or phone 228-2811, for
information.
1 BEDROOM apt. avail. Jan. 1/86. $350.00.
Near 12th Et Kingsway. Call Tm after 5 at
872-3957.
BEAUTIFUL character suite in Kits., shared
2-bed., view, furnished, mature female student pref. 738-6937.
ROOM & BOARD now available on campus.
Cosy atmosphere, great food and
reasonable rates. For more info., contact
the House Manager at 224-3381 or
224-9620.
20 - HOUSING
MATURE STUDENT to share charact. 2
bdrm. suite in Kits. Top fir. of older home;
quiet, bright, roomy Et clean w/partial
view. Fully furnished. Arbutus & W. 16
Ave. Avail. Jan. 1. Call 734-3666 after 4
p.m.
AVAIL. IMMED. 2 rooms in shared house.
38th & Dunbar, $210/mo. 263-0139.
Smokers, drinkers & slobs welcome. M/F.
LUXURY SUITE TO
SHARE ON-CAMPUS
2 bedroom suite with pool, Jacuzzi &
sauna. Laundry facilities. Underground
parking avail. Util. included. All for
$450/mo.
872-0893
  Leave message	
25 - INSTRUCTION
LET US PREPARE YOU FOR THE
FEBRUARY 15. 1986 LSAT
on January 21, 25, 26, 1986
For information call free
LSAT/GMAT PREPARATION COURSES.
1-800-387-1262
FORMER LANGUAGE TEACHER wishes to
exchange English conversation/lessons for
French. Tel. James, 734-4128.
30 - JOBS
1986 B. COMMERCE
AMIS GRADUATE
If you are interested in working
in a small but growing office of a
national accounting firm send a
copy of your resume or application for employment to
Peat Marwick
Suite 212-4800 #3 Rd.
Richmond, B.C.
V6X 3A6
Attn. D. Wootton
TEACH ABROAD. Details: Mr. Information,
Sort 531, Box 955, Ganges, B.C. V0S 1E0.
35 - LOST	
GOLD FAMILY HEIRLOOM POCKET
WATCH between SUB & Angus Bldgs.
Mon. nite Dec. 2. GENEROUS REWARD.
925-2033 days, 926-3460 eves.
SET OF KEYS lost in snow Mon., Dec. 2.
between Parkade Er Scarfe Bldg. Has a
black whistle Et blue tag attached. Reward.
Call Cathy 324-2360.
SAT.. NOV. 23 in the Pit. Navy blue sweater
with Medicine logo. If found please call
Allan at 266-7837.
40 - MESSAGES	
'Twas three weeks before New Year's
And ohl What a fright I
Three single young ladies
Without dates for that night I
They really don't care
If there's nowhere to go,
But they'd rather not spend it
With Guy Lombardo.
They have in mind dinner.
Perhaps Trivial Pursuit,
But it would be more fun
With three guys to bootl
We're fair and attractive,
Twenty-seven years young.
Intelligent, educated
And love to have fun.
If on New Year's eve
You have nothing to do,
And you're up to mid-thirties.
These ladies want you . . .
A group of three friends,
Or three singles will do,
And these are the traits
We'd like to see in you:
A good sense of humor,
Sensitive, honest and kind.
You approach life with daring
And have an open mind.
If this sounds like an offer
You just can't refuse
Pick up your pens, fellas.
There's no time to losel
So tell us about you,
We can't wait to hear,
It could be a great way
To start off the New yearl
Reply to Box 6000, c/o The
Ubyssey, Rm 266 SUB, Campus Mail.
NOMINATIONS are now being accepted
for the AMS Art Gallery Committee. Reply
to Box 23, Rm. 266, SUB, UBC.
70 - SERVICES
FIND A TUTOR
BE A TUTOR
Register at
SPEAKEASY
Mon.-Fri.
9:30 a.m.-9:30 p.m.
Main Concourse
Phone 228-3777
University Hill United
and Presbyterian
congregations
invite you to join us in
worship Sunday mornings
at 10:30 a.m. in the Epiphany
Chapel Vancouver School
of Theology
6050 Chancellor Boulevard
BIOTECHNOLOGY IDEAS? Possible applications? Investigate with a business plan.
Contact Don 734-7941.
86 - TYPING
WORD   PROCESSING   SPECIALIST.    U
write, we type theses,  resumes,  letters,
essays. Days, evgs., wknds. 736-1208.
WORD WEAVERS - Word Processing.
(Bilingual) Student rates. Fast turnaround.
5670 Yew St. at 41 St. Kerrisdale 266-6814.
PROFESSIONAL TYPIST. 30 years experience. Student rates. Photocopier.
Dorothy Martinson, 228-8346.
UNIVERSITY TYPING-Word processing.
Papers, theses, resumes, letters, P-U 6 del.
9 a.m.-11 p.m. 7 days/wk. 251-2064.
WORD PROCESSING (Micoml. Theses
rate, $1.50/dbl. sp. pg. Tables Et equations
(Chem., Engineering, etc.) at $14/hr.
201-636 W. Broadway. 876-5333 (Jeeva).
WORDPOWER-Editing, proofing & word
processing professionals. Xerox copies,
student rates. 3737 W. 10th Ave. (at Almaj
222-2661.
EXPERT TYPING: Essays, t. papers, fac-
tums, letters, mscpts, resumes, theses.
IBM Sel II. Proofreading. Reas. rates. Rose
731-9857, 224-7351.
JUDITH FILTNESS, quality typist. 3206
West 38th Avenue. 263-0351.
WORD PROCESSING: Spelling, grammar
expertise. Days, eves., wkends. Student
rates. Call Nancy 266-1768.
GEETECH WORD PROCESSING. Student
rates. Fast turnaround. 7 days-24 hrs.
Kingsway/Fraser. 879-2027.
TYPING IBM SEL II. Essays, term papers,
theses, mscpts. $1 per page. 263-4036,
261-7320.
TYPING 6- W/P: Term papers, theses,
mscpts., essays, tech. equa., letters,
resumes. Bilingual. Clemy 266-6641.
QUALITY TYPING on electronic daisywheel
typewriter. Reas. rates & complete with
folder. Glenna, eves.; wkends., 734-8561.
YOUR WORDSWORTH word processing on
Wang Professional System by B.A.
English. Dictate letters, papers, etc. to dictaphone or drop off. Set rates. 980-2868.
ADINA word processing. Student discount.
High quality work. 10th Et Discover. Phone
222-2122.
TYPING: Professional presentations for term
papers, resumes, etc. Competitive rates.
734-0650 (24 hrs).
SPEAKEASY TYPIST REGISTRY. Find a
typist or register as a typist. No charge.
SUB Concourse.
MINIMUM NOTICE REQUIRED. Essays Er
resumes. 222-4661 (before 1 p.m.) 732-0529
(5-7 p.m.).
FAST ACCURATE TYPING. Price quoted
before job started. 987-6562.
EXPERT TYPIST $1.00/page. Phone
684-1895 Friday, December 6,1985
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 19
Fanshen, a fascinating and moving account of how the sad and confused people of
a distant and remote Chinese village come to
terms with the frightening and painful realization of the imposition of Communism, Studio
58(VCC Langar, 100W. 49th Ave., 324-5227),
through Dec. 8, 8 p.m.
Scrooge, a slow moving, rather disappointing treatment of the classic tale which little
Jimmy Nelmes disliked and said so in his charming review in the center spread, so there,
Waterfront Theatre (Granville Island,
685-6217), Fri. at 8 p.m.. Sat. at 1 p.m. and 8
p.m., through Dec. 24.
Season's Greetings, a boring and irritating production which Michael Groberman, theatre critic of international renown
whose words often grace these pages, tears
to pieces in the centrespread. Queen
Elizabeth Playhouse (873-3311), through
Dec. 29, Mon. through Saturday at 8 p.m.,
additional 2:30 p.m. matinee on Sat.
Welcome to the Planet, Ann Mortifee's
latest departure into self-indulgence, this time
she renders all of world history in song, Arts
Club Granville Island (687-5315), Arts Club
tradition, it will play until it stops making
money, Mon. to Fri. at8:30 p.m., Sat. at6:X
and 9:30.
The Music Man,that frolicking, mirthful
musical which gave birth to such forgetable
songs as the classic Shipoopee, as well as to
old, boring favourites like 76 Trombones and
Marion the Librarian, the moral of which is
that it's alright to cheat people if they're
stupid enough to be taken in, a must for kids,
Richmond Gateway Theatre (6600 Gilbert
Road, Richmond, 270-1812), and oh, that incredibly stupid song which put Gary, Indiana
so undeservingly on the map, mustn't forget
that, Dec. 4-29, Tues. to Fri. at 8 p.m.. Sat. at
5:30 and 9 p.m.. Sun. at 2 p.m.
Going Down for the Count,
Touchstone's excuse for a tenth season, it's
sort of about some Victorian society-type-
style fantasy, but not really, with allusions to
World War I, but not really, at the Firehall
Theatre (280 East Cordova at Gore — take a
gun - 689-0926) Say hello to Bonnie, the
house-manager who is very cool and comes
from Toronto, but not really, tonight and
tomorrow night only at 8:30 p.m.
Spared, a very moving and well scripted
one-man show that, like, we don't know exactly what it's about, but this guy named
James who was in the Dumb Waiter at
Dorothy Somerset in November is the star
and everything, so there, Vancouver Little
Theatre Association (3102 Main Street,
736-3235 or 876-4165) Dec. 12, 13, 14, at 8:30
p.m.
It's Snowing on Saltspring, a new play
by actress and playwright Nicola Cavendish
who is profiled in barely lucid and entertaining
piece of journalistic blubbering in the entertainment section in which Michael Oroberman
examines all of Nicky's (Michael can call her
Nicky but everyone else must call her Ms.
Cavandish) numerous talents; at the Arts
Club Seymour Street from Dec. 9 through
Jan. 11, Mon. to Fri. at 8:30 p.m., Sat. at 6:30
and 9:30 p.m., and Thurs. at 5:30.
Bubble Memory, a family musical by
Green Thumb that is supposed to be whimsical and musical at the same time and stars
some guy named Brian Linds and also Colin
Mochrie who was great at Theatre Sports the
last time we saw Theatre Sports but now it's
so over-priced, $6, who needs it. Arts Club
Vancouver Island, this Saturday, Dec. 7 (the
44th anniversary of Pearl Harbour) at 12 and
1:30 p.m.
The Nuns, a bunch of guys dress up like
nuns to fool people in Haiti in 1804 but
anyone can tell that the/re not really nuns so I
don't get it, so there, at Kits House (7th and
Vine, 736-3580) tonight and tomorrow night
only at 8:30 p.m.
Giulio Paolini, over 50 drawings, paintings
and photographs by the contemporary Italian
artist, Vancouver Art Gallery (750 Hornby
682-5621), until January 19, 1986.
Campus-
Cuts
5736 University Blvd.
(UBC Village)
228-1471
lone Mclntyre, old masters of sifverwork,
Richmond Art Gallery (278-3301 7671 Minoru
Gate) January 10-20.
Christopher Pratt, a great Canadian
painter whose stuff is full of pictures and looks
suspiciously like Alex Colville's. Vancouver
Art Gallery (750 Hornby 682-5621) until
January 26.
Martin Honisch: Paintings, neat art
about angels and mushrooms, Surrey Art
Gallery (13750 - 88th Ave. 596-7461), until
January 5.
Maija Wilson, starring musicians,
minstrels, jugglers, and acrobats on bright
rich fabrics Cartwright Gallery (1411 Cart-
' wright St. 687-8266), opening December 12.
The Beauty of Mount Huangshan, a
premier photography exhibit by Chinese
Canadian photographers, Chinese Cultural
Centre (50 E. Pender until Jan. 10).
Ruth Beer, Art talk show and slide presentation on archetypal forms and shadows Contemporary Art Gallery (555 Hamilton St.
596-761), until December 21.
Gordon Hutchens Naw Work high/low
fired salt vapour "raku Gallery of BC
Ceramics (1359 Cartwright St. Vancouver
669-5645), until December 8.
Nicholas Fiwchuk is not playing any more
but he does really good stuff so phone him so
he can earn a decent living or whatever he
needs the money for.
Barbara Lount presents the works of
tapestry giants such as Arp, Calder Klee and
Picasso, Tapestry Gallery (1544 West 8
Avenue 734-7878), free, until December 30.
for flute and harp, Ibert: Deux interludes for
flute, violin and harpsichord, Britten:
Ceremony of carols for choir and harp,
December 8. Jam Session hosted by Jim
Armstrong, Hot Jazz Society (2120 Main St.
873-4131), December 11.
A Baroque Christmas, Vancouver
Chamber Choir performing the works of
Handel and Monteverdi, Orpheum
(738^822), Dec. 13.
Tesserect, probably no relation to Tess or
Natassia Kinski for that matter with Michael
Guild on guitar, Hugh Fraser on the ivories
and Pat Caird on sax, the Classical Joint
Coffee House (231 Carrall St. 689-0667) Dec.
15.
UBC
The  eaterY
1 FREE    LU^CH
1  iRLL     niiMMPP
DINNER
DAILY
SPECIAL
This is a terrific deall Bring a friend or a sweetie, purchase 2 of
the daily specials and receive the least expensive one FREE.
This coupon applies to daily specials only, isn't valid for takeout or with any other coupon. HAVE A GREAT DAY!
3431 WEST BROADWAY
738-5298
Paula Roes Dance Company Winter
Workshop and performances (3488 West
Broadway 732-9513), December 2-14.
EDAM, that wildly creative and funny
dressing dance company performs Holiday
Children's Shows a crazy effervescent show
for kids, Vancouver East Cultural Centre (1895
Venables 254-9578) Dec. 11-15.
Come to
FOR MEN
For smartly classic or uniquely
original clothes. For all occasions from casual to formal
wear.
Consignment Shop
with a difference—
5581 Dunbar at 40th Ave.
266-3393   Hours: Mon.-Sat. 10-5:30
w
'    / Our Ladies'
/ Consignment store
provides superb quality at only a
fraction of the original price.
5587 Dunbar at 40th Ave.
263-2728
Open Tue.-Sat. 10:30-5:30 p.m.
WtUU.
K.D. Kang & the Reclines with special
guests The Yo-Dells make a special encore
appearance. Commodore Ballroom (870
Granville St. 681-7838) Dec. 7.
Skywalk that not quite groovy band.
Landmark Jazzbar (Sheraton Landmark
Robson and Nicola 687-9312) Dec. 18-21.
The Vancouver Men's Chorus presents a
Christmas Garland, their rendition of all the
corn pone de Xmas you can imagine,
culminating with an upbeat tribute to Liza
Minelli's mother, North Vancouver Centennial Theatre (669-SING), Dec. 6 & 7.
Masterpiece Music, Handel: Sonata in D
Major for violin and harpsichord, Persichetti;
no relation to persecution complex, Serenade
TALK Of THE TOW.*, ^
'miim
(L. I c ensed)
UNIQUE... ANY WAY YOU SERVE II
6ASY CHAIR.
RED
YELLOW
6L.UE
G-REY
£2>\_/\CK
PEACH
FOOTSTOOL
TO  MftTQV
'&£
©o
SASY LIVW&
3618 W- H™ kbh*. alma    758-05T3I
HBASF 9Q
chromdioxjd II ,'V
I     hifi stereo cassette 132m    V
TRUE CHROME AT THIS PRICE!
Larry's Not Kidding!!
EXTRA 10% OFF CASE OF 10
WITH AMS CARD
$25
/
2053  WEST  41st   A\/e.
  VANCOUVER
/awarenTTs7    263-0878
T E R E Page 20
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6,1985
I YOUR UBYSSEY QUIZ/UNABASHED STAFF AD |
I                                 (As *rf you needed another exam) §
» §
*                               Choose whatever answer tickles your fancy. §
1. The    Ubyssey's    brilliant,
thorough news coverage is:
a) just right
b) too campus oriented
c) lacking enough religious
dogma
2. The Ubyssey treats the AMS:
a) fairly, whoever the hell they are
b) better than most students do
c) like they just ran over our dog
3. Politically, the Ubyssey is:
a) neutral
b) a   bunch   of   Godless   communists
c) too radical for 9 out of 10 terrorists
4. The Ubyssey needs:
a) new, enthusiastic staffers
b) psychoanalysis
c) AMS interference like a hole in
the head
SCORE: We don't really care as long as you answered (a) to question number 4 and §
drop into SUB 241K anytime to do stories, photos, reviews, typing, layouts, or any |j
of the other wonderful things we do (including staff ads like this one). Bring this 8
survey to The Ubyssey office and see the place for yourself. »
^fzcat (Zrfolt'day   \}amnions.
for aduLti   & childisn
CTrcceaoiiei.
&
IJantastic
iXmai. J3a.zga.in*.
e/fttai
4406 West 10th Avenue
224-2347
HOURS: Mon.-Wed. & Sat. 10-6
Thurs.-Fri. 10-8
Sundays 1-5
WARNING: Health and Welfare Canada advises that danger to health increases with amount smoked — avoid inhaling. Average per Cigarette-
Export "A" Extra Light Regular "tar" 8.0 mg., nicotine 0.7 mg. King Size "tar" 9.0 mg., nicotine 0.8 mg.

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