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The Ubyssey Sep 8, 2009

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Array 09-08
Paul Bucci: coordinating@ubyssey.ca
Samantha Jung: news@ubyssey.ca
Kate Barbaria & Trevor Record:
culture@ubyssey. ca
Keegan Bursaw : sports@ubyssey.cza
Trevor Melanson : features@ubyssey.ca
GeraldDeo :photos@ubysseyca
Kyrstin Bain :production@ubyssey.ca
Katarina Grgic: copy@ubyssey.ca
Tara Martellaro : 7nulti7nedia@ubyssey.ca
Room 24, Student Union Building
6138 Student Union Boulevard
Vancouver, BCV6T lZl
tel: 604-822-2301
fax: 604-822-9279
web: www.ubyssey.ca
e-mail: feedback @ubyssey. ca
Room 23, Student Union Building
advertising: 604-822-1654
business office: 604-822-6681
fax: 604-822-1658
e-mail: advertising@ubyssey. ca
AD TRAFFIC : Sabrina Marchand
AD DESIGN : IsabelFerraras
The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper of the
University of British Columbia. It is published every
Monday and Thursday by The Ubyssey Publications
Society. We are an autonomous, democratically run
student organization, and all students are encouraged
to participate.
Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey
staff. They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and
do not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey
Publications Society or the University of British
Columbia. All editorial content appearing in The Ubyssey
is the property of The Ubyssey Publications Society.
Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained
herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed,
written permission of The Ubyssey Publications Society
The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian
University Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP's guiding
Letters to the editor must be under 300 words.
Please include your phone number, student number and
signature (not for publication) as well as your year and
faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked when
submissions are dropped off at the editorial office ol
The Ubyssey; otherwise verification will be done by
phone. "Perspectives" are opinion pieces over 300
words but under 750 words and are run according
to space. "Freestyles" are opinion pieces written by
Ubyssey staff members. Priority will be given to letters
and perspectives over freestyles unless the latter is
time sensitive. Opinion pieces will not be run until the
identity of the writer has been verified. The Ubyssey
reserves the right to edit submissions for length and
clarity. All letters must be received by 12 noon the day
before intended publication. Letters received after this
point will be published in the following issue unless
there is an urgent time restriction or other matter
deemed relevant by the Ubyssey staff.
It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society
fails to publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad
occurs the liability of the UPS will not be greater than
the price paid for the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or typographical errors that do
not lessen the value or the impact of the ad
Here's the story. 'Bout a man named Pierce Nettling.
Who was living with Kasha Chang and Austin Holm. All
of them had Miranda Elliot's hair like Kai Green (along
with Kyrstin Bain). The youngest one (Brendan Albano)
in curls. Here's the story, of a man named Cel Rince
(not to be confused with Trevor Melanson), who was
busy with David Xiao and Jonathan Cole. They were with
Asa Kiyani and Kathy Yan Li, yet they were all alone
Til this one day when Paul Bucci and Kate Barbaria
met this Trevor Record. And they (and Sophie Raider,
not to mention Gerald Deo) knew it was much more
than a hunch, that this group, along with Justin McElroy
Samantha Jung, Katarina Grgic, and Tara Martellaro,
would somehow form a family. That's the way we all
became the Ubfssef. The utyssey. The Ubfssef. That's
the way we all became The Ubyssey!
V      Canada Post Sales
Number 0040878022
Canadian    printed on^100s%
University     'reeycledpaper
Press \!_\Q
Main Event Carnival • Firstweek will
have a bouncy castle at the carnival for
you to play on, a spot for you to pick
up your wristbands, and free root beer
floats! • Main Mall, 2pm to 5pm, free.
UBC Improv presents Breakout •
UBC Improv always succeeds in bringing
the laughs and the good times during
Firstweek The first of four shows, LBC
Improv are sure to impress. If you haven't
caught them yet, find out just what
you've been missing • 6pm, S3 or free
with Firstweek wristband
The Legendary Firstweek Comedy
Show • Graham Clark, Sean Proudlove
and Phil Hanley in the ninth running of
the event. • Norm Theatre in the SUB,
10pm Admission: $5 or free with First-
week wristband.
Science County Fair • Science Undergrad Society brings you nitrogen ice
cream, cotton candy and fair games to
start your afternoon • Noon to 3pm, in
front of Ladha, free.
Second Class Bash • Start your night
with a bzzr garden hosted by Science
Undergrad Society Three floors of party
time • 3pm to 7pm in Abdul Ladha Science Centre, bzzr 1 for $2 or 3 for $5.
Live <s> Lunch featuring Mike Plume
Band • Concerts series outdoors
at noon each day at lunch. • SUB
Plaza,12pm, free
BMX Show <s> the SUB •Christophe
Bioules and his unbelievable BMX team
return to the SUB South Plaza to wow
the crowd with their amazing stunt show.
Using ramps, chairs, random students
and crazy amounts of adrenaline Must
see • SUB Plaza - 1pm to 3 pm, free
The Indoor/Outdoor Pool Party   •
Last year, over 800 first-years stormed
UBCs indoor and outdoor pools, making
for one insane party in honour of
Firstweek Hump Day Inflatables, 10-foot
diving boards, CFTR DJ • UBC Aquatics
Centre, 9 am to 12am, S3 or free with
firstweek wristband
Open-Air Pit Night {19*) • Campus bar,
extends outside for fresh-air partying, It's
the 19+ party of the year • The Pit, SUB
Basement, afternoon to2am, free.
Wet Lab Coat Pageant • See the
sexiest Science students strut their stuff
including a walk-off, wet & wild lab coats,
and feats of extreme whipped cream
eating • Noon to 1 pm Infront of Abdul
Ladha Science Centre, free
SUS First Week Water Balloon Fight
• Hundreds of water balloons and a few
mystery balloons Havoc ensue! • pm
to 2 pm Free including complimentary
garbage bags to wear
Manhunt • An urban game of tag, of
epic proportions! • 4pm to 6pm, Main
Mai concourse, free
Ladha Drive-In Movie • Science Undergrad Society presents The Hangover.
Enjoy this hilarious film with complimentary popcorn. • 7pm to 9pm, Abdul
Ladha Science Centre, free
Robson Reading Series • Vancouver's
Poet Laureate Brad Cran will inaugurate
our fall season along with poets Marguerite Pigeon and David Zieroth. • 7pm to
8pm, free
Dodgeball Extravaganza • Brought
to you by AMS Firstweek and UBC rec,
Everyone is invited, with games starting at 3,4 and 5 in the evening, (?> the
UBC SRC Gym, no charge
UBC Improv presents Breakout •
Two Improv finales at shows taking
place at Walter Gage (6 pm) and
Marine Drive Residence (8pm)
"Under the Stars" Dance Party •
All-ages dance party at the SLB West
Lawn, from 9pm to midnight, • $4 or free
with Firstweek wristband
CiTR Open house • Get a chance to
go on the air, have a free DJ lesson and
go on a tour of the rado station.
SUS Open House • Meet some Science professors, find out about cutting
edge research, and learn more about
Science programs • 10am to pm, free,
Abdul Ladha Science Centre
Study Smart • Science Undergrad
Society presents sessions on how
study smart for science class. • 1pm to
3pm, free, Abdul Ladha Science Centre.
26th Annual Welcome Back BBQ
• Natalie Portman's Shaved Head,
Thunderheist, Green Go and DJ's Sex
Attack will be in concert. AMS will be
serving BBQ as well as a licensed
area with beer and cider • Mclnnes
Field, 2pm to 8pm, free for UBC students and guests.
Skating Party • T-Bird Wnter Sports
Centre, free Skate Rentals. • 8:45pm
to 10pm and 10:15pm to 1130pm $3 per
session or free with Firstweek wristband
Firstweek Concerts: Mother
Mother, Said the Whale, Hannah
Georgas • @ the Pit Pub, SUB
basement (? 8 pm.  $10 at
Ticketwebca or the Outpost and free
with Firstweek Wristband to the first
100 students at the door
Work Learn info session • International house • Find out more about
the Work Learn program and working
on campus while studying. 230pm to
Meditation Groif) • Introduction to
mediation, open to entire UBC community. Group meets in SUB 215 • 4pm
to 4:30pm
FOR SALE: 1988, white Toyota Tercel,
2-door, Hatchback, Sun Roof, approx.
157 km, well maintained, air cared to
Nov. /09, manual transmission, zippy
and reliable transportation, lady-driven,
asking $1200.00 or best offer Yoshimi
at 604.733.3850
In the article "Freshmen Parties: A Brief Guide," FrAUSh was described as a 19+ event. While this was
true last year, this year FrAUSh, held on September 26, will be targeted towards first year students
and will not feature alcohol. Instead, the AUS is hosting two seperate events for those 19 and older, a
FREE BBQ with $2.50 beer in MASS on Imagine Day at 5pm and a Campus Kickoff nightclub event
at Caprice on Thursday September 10. The Ubyssey regrets this error
Velo veneration
The "Make-Out Chopper," created by Jim Callahan, is just one of
many fantastical velomutations at Velo-City: Vancouver and the Bicycle
Revolution, the most recent exhibition at the Museum of Vancouver
Tomorrow's Professionals Apply Today!
Apply Online!
OMSAS     www.ouac.on.ca/omsas/
Ontario Medical School Application Service
September 15, 2009: Last day to register for online applications
October 1, 2009: Application deadline
www.ouac.on.ca/olsas/      OLSAS
Ontario Law School Application Service
November 2, 2009: Application deadline for first-year English programs
May 3, 2010: Application deadline for upper-year programs
TEAS www.ouac.on.ca/teas/
Teacher Education Application Service
December 1, 2009: Application deadline for English programs
March 1, 2010: Application deadline for French programs
www.ouac.on.ca/orpas/     ORPAS
Ontario Rehabilitation Sciences Programs Application Service
(Audiology, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy/Physiotherapy, Speech-Language Pathology)
January 8, 2010: Application deadline
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'dark' 'handsome' 'free
if ('true');
then ('e-mail feedback©
/* If you can make a
better joke than this,
e-mail Paul at feedback©
ubyssey.ca */ 2009.09.08/UBYSSEY.CA/NEWS/3
ID ^"*'^    V«V  Iftltl ^tl\ /AC ft9 Increasing tuition fees for professional programs ffA Increasing the use of campus in the summertime
£B Increasing revenue from cultural venues WM Maximizing a sipply management plan
BA Combining administration of smaller faculties ■•■Centralizing an iT model
International student expansion
KB Reducing teaching costs while maintaining the student experience
UBC vague about plans to fix deficit
UBC recently announced they are
expecting a $25 million deficit
for the 2010/2011 year, of which
$13 million is an unsustainable
structural deficit.
At an Alma Mater Society (AMS)
student council meeting three weeks
ago, UBC VP Finance Pierre Ouillet
announced that the university has
begun implementing an eight-step
plan to deal with the structural deficit. At this point, however, the plan
leaves unanswered questions.
The announcement comes
around the same time the provincial
government revealed that they had a
$2.8 billion deficit and cut $16 million from provincial student financial aid.
These cuts, combined with unpro-
jected increases to professor salaries
and losses to UBC's endowment
fund, have forced the university to
find alternative ways of alleviating
their financial shortfall. In March,
UBC announced that over the course
ofthe past year they had experienced
an approximately $250 million loss
to their endowment due to the economic recession.
Ouillet said that these factors led
to the deficit.
"If you move the clock forward to
next year," he said, "it would be $18
million [as] the starting point from
this year and then we have further
unfunded salary increases of, let's
say, $3 million...and if we want to
do some other initiatives, we end up
with $2 5 million in deficit."
"This is not acceptable for us or
the government," he said, "so we
need to take action."
The eight-part plan is what the
university is calling "longer-term
revenue enhancement and cost-
reduction initiatives,"  which the
In April, UBC raised tuition fees
for domestic students by two
per cent, the maximum increase
allowed by the provincial government. Now, UBC is planning on
lobbying the government to "selectively relax" the two per cent
cap on tuition increases so they
can raise fees for professional
"The [UBC] administration does
intend to ask the province to look
at the possibility of some selective
relaxing of the tuition cap for certain professional programs, for
those programs to be of sufficient
quality to offer the kind of experience they have to offer," said VP
Students Brian Sullivan.
Sullivan added that the university has "no intention, at this time
at least," to ask the provincial
government to change its policies regarding the tuition cap for
basic undergraduate programs.
Programs that could be affected
if UBC is successful in lobbying
the government include MBA,
doctoral degrees in Medicine and
Dentistry, Masters of Engineering, Pharmacy and Law.
UBC VP Finance Pierre Ouillet
justified the decision by explaining that professional programs
have a higher cost of hiring and
tuition, which make them more
expensive than other faculties. He
also said that students in professional fields make more money
when they graduate.
Law Student Society (LSS) President Ted Murray argued that not
all graduating Law students can
get a job in their field, and that
students who don't come from a
wealthy background find it difficult to pay tuition fees.
Murray said that the LSS is opposed to helping pay off the university's debt.
"We're already paying differential tuition," he said, "but a law
school isn't particularly expensive to run, and that money is already not coming back to the Law
faculty. So if what they're talking
about here is trying to improve
the economics of the university
overall on the back of 600 law students, we would be vehemently
opposed to that."
Ouillet said that the proposal
is part of a bigger plan to protect
the faculties and allow them more
jurisdiction over their fees. He
said that 75 per cent ofthe tuition
revenue generated in the programs would go directly back to
the faculties, with the rest going
toward general financial aid and
other initiatives.
He added that the university is
going to lobby the provincial government to relax the cap so that
they have an emergency resource.
"Asking for flexibility doesn't
mean we would actually increase
the fees, I mean most of these
programs there is actually no
desire, at this stage, or no need
to do that," he said. "But we want
to be able to do so when the need
Alma Mater Society (AMS)
President Blake Frederick said
that the AMS is adamantly against
this increase.
"The AMS has had a longstanding policy to oppose any tuition increases above the rate of
inflation, which is two per cent,"
he said. "So the university's efforts to have the cap lifted...is
not supported by the students or
the AMS."
Murray also argued that such
a move would go against the culture of UBC. "The more you push
[differential tuition], the more it
becomes about...who can afford it
and not who is the best candidate.
And I think that's not good for the
school," he said.
"Is the law school part of the...
educational mission of the university? Or is it a profit centre?
Now, I understand that international students are a profit centre...they always put in the bullet
point that 'oh, this is for cultural
interaction,' and it's not, it's
just because every one of those
guys comes in the school with
$12,000 attached to them."
university claims will free up additional resources and absorb any
budgetary reductions.
Proposals within the plan are at
an early stage, but include increasing
professional fees for students, doubling the number of international
students on campus, reducing teaching costs through larger amphitheatres, combining administrations
of smaller faculties on campus, and
increasing revenue generated by cultural venues on campus.
Ouillet said that UBC is faring
better than other institutions across
Canada and the US.
"We tend to invest more conservatively than institutions of our size,"
he said, adding that UBC has not had
to dip into their endowment as much
as other universities have.
AMS President Blake Frederick
said that the AMS understands the
difficult position the university is
in, and that they are in support of
the university's strategy to focus on
specific areas of UBC's budget, rather
than make across-the-board cuts.
However, Frederick said the AMS
opposes the university's move to
increase professional fees, and that
they will draw up a document outlining their opposition to present to
UBC President Stephen Toope.
The university is currently in the
process of consulting with various
groups on campus, having already
met with the executives of the AMS
and Graduate Student Society and
will meet with the various faculty
deans on September 9. One undergraduate and one graduate student
will sit on each ofthe committees for
the eight initiatives.
This issue, The Ubyssey will
talk about two of the controversial
points of the plan: the proposed tuition fee increase for professional
programs and the push for more
international students.
?nna ?nm
0 5000 10000 15000 20000
A comparison of tuition fees for international and domestic students at UBC from
the 2005/2006 year to 2009/2010. geraid deo graphic/the ubyssey
One of the eight initiatives is the
expansion of international student
enrollment at UBC from 10 per cent
of full-time students to 20 per cent.
However, the Alma Mater Society
(AMS) Council expressed concerns
at their August 19 meeting that the
plan could lead to less space for and
displacement of undergraduate students from Canada.
The university is pushing for the
sharp increase in international students, despite their claims that they
are "at capacity" for the number of
full-time students enrolled at UBC.
However, UBC VP Students Brian
Sullivan said that the university is
committed to keeping the number
of domestic undergraduate students intact.
"What I took away [from AMS
Council] was that international
students are important on campus, and there would be support
for continuing to grow the opportunities for them as long as
domestic students were not displaced as a result," Sullivan said.
"And we reassured people that
the number and commitment to
domestic undergraduates would
remain intact. So they're not going to be substituted."
In 1996, the UBC Board of Governors (BoG) approved a policy
that mandated faculties to add up
to an additional ten per cent of international students, but that "no
BC or Canadian student would be
displaced in this process."
One of the points in the plan is
"undergraduate rebalancing." UBC
VP Finance Pierre Ouillet said that
this means that the university will
push more undergraduate students
to go to UBC Okanagan.
"The Vancouver campus is at capacity on the domestic undergraduate side," he said. "The campus
that's growing for us on the domestic side is Okanagan."
Karen McKelEn, director of the
International Student Initiative,
said that two things need to be in
place in order for UBC to take in
more international students.
"One, the demand internationally has to be there. I mean, there
just absolutely needs to be international students from a large number of countries who are looking
for a post-secondary option," she
said. "But then you also have to
have capacity within the university
so you need to have enough room
for more students." tl
the deficit
ON THURSDAY The Ubyssey takes a look at two other points of the university's plan: changes to its academic and administration
structure, and increasing revenue initiatives for cultural venues on campus.
Pop quiz: What does UBC and a
fourth-year Arts student have in
common? Answer: They're both
heavily in debt and slowly realizing
their long-term reality isn't what
they hoped.
Okay, it's not all that funny. But
then again, UBC's economic situation is nothing to laugh about.
Drastically increased fees for
JD's, MBA's and other fancy graduate degrees. Smaller class sizes.
Less domestic students and more
international students who pay
higher tuition fees. Merged faculties. All this and much more are
being talked about to slay the deficit
dragon. And while full credit must
be given to UBC for being upfront
about the measures, one wonders
why it took so long.
Since Stephen Toope became
President in 2006, UBC has studied
from the George Bush School of
Budget Management: A deficit of
$11 million in 06/07, $12 million
in 08/09 and $25 million for the
upcoming year (They did manage
to balance the budget in 0 7/08. That
was nice).
Not all of this is UBC's fault, of
course. The worldwide recession
has done a number on all universities, and the provincial government
deciding to cut $11.3 million in
promised funding lastyear certainly
hurt as well.
But at the end of the day, this
university has spent much much
more money than it actually has
for several years now, and unlike
the American government, it can't
indefinitely borrow from China and
Saudi Arabia.
So cuts are coming. Students will
feel the pinch. Students will complain. But before they get too upset,
they should look around at other
universities that they might have
applied to.
At the University of Toronto (a
school that UBC very much likes to
compare itself to), all incoming Arts
and Science students will be paying
a flat fee. Meaning, it doesn't matter
whether you take three courses or
six during a semester; your tuition
rate is the same.
The flat fee will make life incredibly difficult on students that have
to work part-time jobs, want to get
super involved in the university, or
have a child to care for. But Toronto
said it didn't have a choice—the $40
million deficit Arts and Science had
accumulated needed to be drastically dealt with.
So while the cuts UBC is planning in the upcoming years might
create some hardship, all you need
to do is take a look at other universities to realize it could be a heck of
a lot worse, tl /J" '
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X-Men Origins: Wolverine
<? 7:00 (Free screening)
SEPT. 15th
The Informant @ 7:00
(Free advance screening)
Year One<? 7:00
Terminator Salvation
SEPT. 23RD-27™
Up <s> 7:00
Star Trek <? 9:00
SEPT. 30TH-0CT 4th
Away We Go <? 7:00
Moon (3 9:00
Firstweek festivities: Skip the line, cut the crap
Plan out Firstweek so well that you won t even mind that you're back in school
As its name implies, AMS Firstweek
is a series of events occurring during the first week of school at UBC.
Organized and run by the Alma
Mater Society (AMS), UBC's student
government. Firstweek is a welcome
for new students, a welcome back for
returning students, and a fun kickoff
for the school year. Here is for the
lowdown on the hottest events. For a
complete list of Firstweek activities,
check out amsfirstweek.com.
Imagine UBC—across campus, all day
UBC's orientation day. You can skip
it if you really want, but what else are
you going to be doing on a Tuesday
morning? Classes are cancelled for
all students. As an added bonus,
Firstweek is giving out free root beer
floats at the Main Event Carnival on
Main Mall between 2-5pm.
Legendary Firstweek Comedy Show-
Norm Theatre, 10pm
Legendary? Perhaps. Funny? Probably. The comedy show is a Firstweek
tradition and this year marks the
ninth running ofthe event. Featuring
five comedians, including Graham
Clark (who recently won a national
comedy contest), chances are good
you'll find at least a few of them
funny if not most.
CrazyOMG BMX Show-SUB South
Plaza, l-3pm
A team of stunt bikers do crazy stunts
around the Knoll, possibly involving
students. You get to watch them for
free. End of story.
Indoor/Outdoor Pool Party—UBC
Aquatics Centre, 9pm-12am
For those not aware, the UBC Aquatics Centre has both an indoor and
outdoor pool. This extremely popular
event is one ofthe craziest parties organized by UBC. We're talking about
an excess of gorgeous bodies packed
into two pools. Diving boards. DJs.
Bikini girls. Possible hanky-panky
in the hot tub. What more could you
want? Best of all, it's all-ages. This
means it's mostly young'uns who
can't go to Pit Night, making the
pool party a great place to make new
friends who are fellow first-years.
Open-Air Pit Night—Pit Pub, Evening-
2am (19+)
Despite being a dungeon located
in the basement of the SUB, the Pit
Pub is the main drinking establishment, and the closest thing we have
to a nightclub at UBC. Wednesdays
are Pit Night, where hundreds of
students crowd into the Pit—often
lining up for half an hour—to drink,
flirt and (possibly) get laid. Pit Night
has no cover, so as you might expect,
lineups are extraordinary after 9pm
(I'd get there at 8.)
The first Pit Night of the year,
though not an official Firstweek
event, is extremely large. Overflow
patrons get sent upstairs to the SUB
Courtyard (hence the name) to wait,
and go down when there is space.
Come early, avoid hour-long lineups,
and get your sweaty, sweaty groove
on. Of course, this is 19+.
Dodgeball Extravaganza—SRC Gym
3-6pm (Three one-hour sessions)
Dodgeball Extravanga makes its
debut at Firstweek this year! Happening in the gym of the Student Recreation Centre (next to the SUB), this
event is sure to be a blast—unless you
were the Md who got traumatized by
dodgeball games in gym class. Come
to this free event and let off some
steam. Headshots not encouraged.
Firstweek 'Under the Stars' Dance
Party—SUB West Lawn, 9pm-12am:
This event was so popular last year
that the SUB Courtyard was not large
enough to accommodate everyone
who was interested. This year, it's
moved to the lawn outside the SUB,
between the SUB and the Physics
building, so no one should be turned
away due to overcrowding. This all-
ages dance party is the first-year's
answer to Pit Night. It's $4, or free
with a wristband. In the event of rain,
it will take place in the SUB Ballroom,
but it would be a major letdown if the
"Under the Stars" party was not actually under the stars.
The 26,k Annual Welcome Back BBQ-
Maclnnes Field, 2-8pm
This giant party comes back for the
26th time. Taking place on the field
outside the SUB, this promises to
have (as always) drunken shenanigans and at least a few arrests for
public urination (hint: don't pee behind the porta-potties). Natalie Port-
man's Shaved Head, Thunderheist,
Green Go and Sex Attack! will play
this event. It's all-ages, but features a
licensed area selling beer and cider
at prices affordable for students. No
$8 cups of beer here (I'm looking at
you, Virgin Fest). This campus tradition is one that you want to check
out, and once you enter, you'll have
a hard time getting out. This event is
100 per cent FREE for UBC students
and their guests.
Firstweek Ice Skating Extravaganza—
Thunderbird Winter Sports Centre,
8:45-10pm & 10:15-11:30pm
Hot and sweaty after a long day of
revelry at the Welcome Back BBQ?
Head over to the Winter Sports
Centre and cool off on the ice. It's a
party on skates with DJs from CiTR
(the super cool campus radio station)
spinning tunes above the rink. While
skate rentals are free, it is likely
they'll run out of the more popular
sizes, so if you have average-sized
feet, either bring your own skates
or get there early. $3 or free with a
Firstweek Concert Series Presents:
Mother Mother with Said the Whale
and Hannah Georgas (19+)—Pit Pub,
Local indie rock band Mother
Mother (recently seen opening
for Sam Roberts at the Malkin
Bowl) headlines an intimate
concert at the Pit Pub, with Said
the Whale and Hannah Georgas
opening. This concert is free
with a Firstweek wristband and
exclusively for UBC students and
their guests, tl
Classes: the good, the bad and the failures
How to get the ones you want and the ones you need
So classes have started. Maybe you're
a first-year enjoying the novelty of
200-person lectures because you can
play Tetris on your phone and no
one cares. Maybe you're a fifth-year
on the home stretch. Regardless,
chances are good that out of all your
classes, at least one of them sucks.
What do you do?
The first step is to decide
whether you're going to drop the
class or not. If it happens to be a
required class, then you have to
stick it out—the most you can you
do is switch to a different section.
If it's an elective, decide how badly
you hate the class. Ifyou're looking
for perfect classes, you're bound to
be disappointed—and finding new
courses is a hassle. However, you
should never stay in a class you
really dislike. You usually regret it,
and your GPA will suffer. Don't feel
like you're locked into the schedule
you chose during the ignorant and
innocent days of summer.
But if you've decided you hate the
class with a passion, figure out what
the problem is. Is the professor a
douchebag who throws pointy things
at you? Is your grade based entirely
on multiple-choice exams when you
excel at written exams? It's important to drop classes as early as possible—the longer you wait, the harder
it gets to catch up. You'll also get a
full refund of your tuition if you drop
a class before September 22 (25 for
two-term courses); after the deadline,
you only get a partial refund.
So, now that you've dropped
the class like a flaming potato, you
want to pick a good class to replace
it. There are three main things you
want to consider: the course content, the professor and the average
grade. Course content means that
Biology 112 is going to be about biology, whereas you'll be discussing
Canadian literature in English 222.
Obviously you want to pick something you're interested in, so search
The quality of the professor is
trickier to ascertain, but there are
some resources available to you. One
common resource is ratemyprofes-
sor.ca. Type in your professor's
name and read the comments. Take
these with a shaker (yes, a full shaker) of salt: you'll often see complaints
from disgruntled students who got
low grades. In some classes, that's
unavoidable—the reality is that many
students are going to fail calculus.
Some of us just aren't that smart.
A slightly better resource is ubc.
livejournal.com. Say you want to take
Random Course 101 with Professor Grouchy Pantalones. Make an
account on the site, then, make a
topic asking, "I want to take Random
Course 101. Has anybody taken it
and what was it like? If so, was it
with Prof Pantalones?" No matter
how obscure the class, chances are
good someone will reply and give
a detailed, objective and intelligent
explanation of the class. You can
then ask them follow-up questions,
which is impossible with ratemypro-
fessor.com. The downside is that it
can take time—up to a day or two—to
get answers. This can be a problem
if you need a new course and you
need it yesterday.
Finally, choose a class with a decent grade average. Let's say you've
narrowed it down to one of two
courses to fill your last time slot—either would be hypothetically acceptable. Unbeknownst to you, course
A has a class average of 65%, but
course B has an average of 80%. In
Applicable Scenario Two, you know
what course you want, but there
are several different professors
teaching the sections. One of those
professors has class averages in the
low 60s, but one of them is always
above 75. If only you knew which
was which, you would certainly pick
the courses with higher grades—but
there's no way to tell, right?
Wrong! There is, in fact, a resource
that divulges such information. Go
to pair.ubc.ca. In the left column,
click "Data Access (UBC only)." Then
click on "Grades Distribution." Fill
in the boxes according to what you
are looking for. You will have to
look at grades from previous years
(2008 and earlier), since grades for
the current year have obviously not
been given out. This resource is not
perfect—the instructors of a course
could change from year to year, a
professor who handed out "A"s like
candy for the past three years could
start failing half the class—but it gives
a good baseline.
Armed with these resources, you
should be able to (mostly) pick good
classes and avoid stinkers. As for
succeeding in those classes—you're
on your own. vl
Classy dates on a dime
On a student budget, dating life
can be pretty unglamorous. But
there are tricks to glitter up your
evening, from where to eat to
where to entertain on a dime.
Raincity Grill
This high-end restaurant offers an early-bird special; $30
for three courses when you place
your order before 6pm. Still on
the pricey side, sure, but well below what you'll be paying if you
show up late.
The Alibi Room
The Alibi Room is a self-
proclaimed "modern Tavern"
in Gastown specializing in local
craft ale. But this isn't any ol'
brewery—clientele can be loosely
categorized as "the successful
BA's of our world." Still, classy.
Shebeen Whisky Bar
Forget wine, Shebeen offers
the largest selection of whiskeys
in BC. Opening at 5pm Tuesday
to Saturday, you can enjoy a fine
cup of the spirits for as low as
$5, and meals range from $10
Vancouver Symphony Orchestra
A night of violins and clashing
cymbals at the impressive Queen
Elizabeth Theatre is never a bad
thing. Only $ 10 with a student pass.
Pacific Cinemathique
The level of classiness here
could be debated, but a double
bill only costs $10 with your
flashy student ID. Plus, with
its diverse range of films, it's
a nice twist from the usual
overpriced Scotiabank or Tinseltown theatre. There's a Luis
Bunuel double feature from
Sept. 25-26 if you're looking
to impress or perhaps scare off
your date.
UBC Operas
Experience the original
classy evening of the European
aristocrats: Singing—in Italian.
UBC operas cost only $15 per
show for students.
Art Gallery
Every Tuesday you can stroll
through the exquisite Vancouver Art Gallery exhibits for a
ticketed price of however much
you wish to donate. To really
crank up the romance, check
out the gallery's old underground catacombs, or lure your
date into one of the secluded
niches on the third floor for
some artsy makeouts.
You can end any classy evening
with a languid stroll along the
seawall. Most of the runners
and skaters should be done for
the day, so it'll just be you and
your (potentially) significant
other walking main a main
while the Pacific laps gently in
the night.
So, wanna meet my
parents?^  8/UBYSSEY.CA/CULTURE/2009.09.08
Student Information Services
Ground Floor, Brock Hall, 1874 East Mall
Winter hours, effective Saturday,
September 12, 2009
Saturday: 9:30 am to 2:30 pm (Welcome Centre only)
Monday: 8:30 am to 4:30 pm
Tuesday: 9:30 am to 4:30 pm
Wednesday: 8:30 am to 5:30 pm
Thursday: 8:30 am to 4:30 pm
Friday: 8:30 am to 4:30 pm
SEPT. 14-18
Fine Art
Fantasy <
Wildlife <
► Giant-Sized Posters
► Music
last day
Frames & Hangers <
► Film
► 1000s of Posters
culture @ uby s sey .ca
Do you have opinions about the arts? We don't
agree with them, but you can still write for us...
Locally grown produce. Expensive? Yes. gerald deo photo illustration/the ubyssey
Farmers Markets
around the City
Farmers Markets have a tendency to give a better deal than
any West End grocery or supermarkets. Most active from spring
to autumn, there is a lively
community of markets around
Vancouver. Grab fresh and local
produce before the summer and
autumnal growing season comes
to a close.
The UBC farmer's market is wild,
boasting a selection of hundreds
of different vegetables and herbs,
picked either the day before or
earlier that morning. It generally
offers the best deals out of any of
the farmers markets in Vancouver. In addition to veggies, the
UBC Farmers Market has stalls
full of spices and other merchandise, some from outside vendors.
Perhaps the best reason to visit
is a chance to check out the UBC
farm of folklore, mystery and
campus politics. It's the largest
working farm in Vancouver and
it's absolutely lovely. The hectares of green varieties span rows
and rows—squashes, lettuce,
radishes, corn and sunflowers.
They even have free-range chickens. The community projects are
worth checking out; notables include the Mayan Garden and the
Aboriginal Kitchen Garden. The
market closes in October, but the
farm offers personalized boxes
with a week's worth of local produce throughout the winter.
If you're in the Kitsilano area
and you get a chance, head over
to the farmer's market and check
out the selection. This vast market stretches out to fill the entire
parkade that it's held in. If you
cycle, there's even bike valet
parking service. The prices are
comparable to West Side groceries, but they have the added
benefit of stocking produce that
is all locally grown. Still, many
destitute students that subsist
on a diet of ramen noodles and
canned soup will wish the prices
were a bit more economical.
Even if you can't afford to
shop at the Kitsilano Farmers
Market, the vast array of samples
are sure to draw you in—I recommend trying the pesto, cheeses,
sugar plums and specialty bakery
goods. With the hipper-than-thou
Kits atmosphere, I'd be biking
there every Sunday to browse
those stalls if I could afford more
than free promos on my pathetic
This slightly smaller market
doesn't offer the same huge selection—unless you're looking
for tomatoes. The day I went was
tomato day; there were 150 different kinds of tomatoes. When I
asked a woman handing out flyers the reason behind the tomato
fixation, she joked "Because
they're just effin' awesome!" She
went on to explain that standard
grocery tomatoes are picked
green and gassed so that they
look red and have a glossy sheen
at the supermarket, while theirs
are vine ripened, and picked
fresh before market day.
This farmers market is in the
Downtown Eastside, one of the
rougher neighbourhoods in Vancouver. The new apartments encroaching on the area mirror the
divide between the wealthy old
women who shop at the farmer's
market and the homeless people
hanging around the edges.
Sounds like such a neighbourly
atmosphere, doesn't it? vl
Perhaps the best reason to visit is a
chance to check out
the UBC farm
of folklore,
mystery, and
campus politics.
It's the largest
working farm in
Vancouver... 2009.09.08/UBYSSEY.CA/CULTURE/9
Salacious Saloons: campus gin mills, dives and alehouses
Those of you living in residences
will probably begin to suffer from
an imaginary disease with very
real symptoms that leads students
to never want to get off of campus.
We call it "resitus," and it is transmitted through slothfulness and
long transit times.
You will still likely want to leave
your dorm every now and then for
drinks, however. We've got some
good news and bad news. The bad
news is, you have limited options
compared to other parts of town. The
good news is that you will probably
learn to adapt, and we've got a guide
that will help you do just that.
Cheap, greasy, and dim...just like its
regulars. Formed by powerful UBC
warlock of Zoology David Suzuki in
1968, the Pit is as beloved an institution as it is poorly lit. Go there for
a great deal on pub fare from the Pit
Burger Bar, a multitude of TV sets
and some of the best drink deals in
town; on Tuesdays select drafts go
for $2.50 per sleeve and $9.50 per
jug! But keep in mind that if you go
to the Pit during the day, you'll probably find it mostly empty. However,
TV sports events, erratically scheduled DJ sets and concerts keep it
packed most evenings. And let's not
forget Pit Night.
The Pit is the only bar on campus
with a dance floor, which it makes
use of every Wednesday for Pit Night.
It's UBC's unofficial meat market,
like every club on the Granville strip
ground up into powder and snorted
up the nose of the geeMest first-year
looking to become the Greek-iest
sophmore. Once inside, you'll either
a) be sent into fight-or-flight mode, or
b) like it instantly. You'll be met with
the thick smell of cologne and pher-
mones, pulsing dance music, men
living up to their maximum potential
bro-ness without a hint of irony, and
women (estimated one for every
three males) dressed quite coquett-
ishly. That is, ifyou're up for braving
the lineup—which can be hours long
once things are in full swing.
Best Place For: Bromantic moments,
volume drinking.
Worst Place For: Romantic moments,
vitamin D intake, dignity.
The Gallery is under the same
management as the Pit, and you
can expect similarly low prices.
There is always a fair number of
patrons at the Gallery during the
day, feasting on Bernouli's bagels
and lukewarm ales. Lit moodily
(instead of not at all), this is one
of the few good places on campus to eat and have a drink while
studying. Of course, after the first
pitcher, studying becomes increasingly irrelevant. Every Tuesday
the Gallery hosts a karaoke night,
popular among senior Totemites,
budding musical theatre performers and your Residence Advisors.
Unfortunately, the Gallery closes
somewhat early, and for people
who want to stay out late, it's more
of a launching point than the final
destination of an evening. It also
tends to be difficult to find seating
during peak hours.
Best Place For: Awkward meetings
with people in your classes, not stopping believing.
Worst Place For: Getting seating finishing your assignments.
Koerner's is located in the basement
of the GSS building, and is about to
go through some renovations. Their
drink specials aren't anything to get
excited about. Mondays feature a
less-than-palatable Rocky Mountain
Lager ringing in at $ 10.75 a pitcher,
to go hand in hand with their wildly
popular Open Mic Night. Every Monday evening, folks who can face their
Tuesday classes with hangovers descend upon the pub and sing along to
rousing Sublime covers about dogs
and pot. The bar is furnished with
shuffleboard, a pool table, a foosball
table and a dart board, which you can
enjoy if you wedge yourself between
Drunky, Wasteyface and his cousin
PieEyes McTipsypants.
Koerner's also features a beautiful
patio. Too bad that it'll be rainy and
cold most days you go there, and
you'll only go outside grudgingly if
you smoke or can't find any seating
inside. And there will be many nights
when you will have trouble finding
space, as the place tends to fill up.
Many will tell you that Koerner's is
their favorite bar on campus. The implicit message in such a statement is
that the Pit is NOT their favorite bar
on campus. When people go to the Pit
to drink, they are skirt-chasing troglodytes burning through their parents'
money before they inevitably drop
out in second year. The patrons at
Koerner's are a sophisticated lot
discussing weighty intellectual manners or unwinding after a difficult
day of great import. Full disclosure:
last year, many staff of the Ubyssey
would stay at Koerner's until closing.
Best Place For: Not being at the Fit,
ukulele covers of M.I A's Paper Planes.
Worst Place For: The slippery slope of
bar pretension.
If you're feeling a bit more upscale,
try the campus's Irish pub, Mahoney
& Sons. Be warned that the only
thing Irish about it is the Guinness,
which they serve cold and charge
$8.25 per glass for. It is usually open
on days that most other on-campus
bars aren't, which is a major selling
point. And let's not forget that they
make their waitresses wear tiny
plaid skirts. But Mahoney & Sons
isn't a great student bar, it's more
like a bar you might go to with your
boss, or watch the game because
everywhere else on campus is closed
or packed. The drinks and food tend
to be pricey at Mahoney's, the one
exception being jugs of Hatchet Beer,
which are $11.95. But who knows,
now that we've identified Koerner's
as the place for college pub snobs to
frequent, maybe a second generation
of pub snobs will abandon it and take
over Mahoney & Sons.
Best Place For: Short plaid skirts, al-
lowingyou in on Sundays.
Worst Place For: Your wallet,
Irish pride.
Located in the heart of the Engineering students' court, the Cheeze
Factory at one time commercially
produced high-end cheese. It is
now used to produce hazy regrets.
Unless you're an engineer, your
vision of the Cheeze will be slightly
skewed. Show up for one of their
infamous Red Knights and you'll
be rewarded with wall-to-wall awkwardness, all clad in bright red
lettermen's jackets—presumably
because your average engineer
missed out on the "big man on campus high school jock" experience. In
general, the engineers are a peaceable lot, looking only to mingle
with like-minded folks and drink
ridiculously cheap beer—which
they practically give away ifyou're
wearing UBC Engineering threads.
Vintage arcade machines, a pool
table, a crummy bar and vending
machines add to the 1980's basement hangout vibe. But at those
prices, who would want to leave
home anyway?
Best Place For: Cheap beer (before
they run out at 9pm), turned-out engineer ladies.
Worst Place For: Meeting new people,
scoring a date.
If people spent half as much time
planning fun events for themselves
and friends around campus as they
did complaining about how there's
nothing to do around campus...
we'd have a major health crisis as
half the student population suffered
from kidney pickling. The point is,
if you're reading this, you're going
to want to buy your own liquor at
some point. Maybe you're going to
stay at home and watch a film with
a few friends, maybe you're going
down to Wreck Beach to be kicked
out at 11pm by bored RCMP officers.
There is a liquor store in the Village,
and if you plan things well, you can
have some drinks with your friends
while running up only a modestly
sized bill. It is closed on Sundays and
holidays, and open until 7pm every
other day except for Friday when it
closes at 9pm.
Best Place For: Selection, price.
Worst  Place  For:  Meeting
people, kidneys. ^
Are you a North Shore commuter driving to the
west side of Vancouver? Try the Granville Bridge-
it's a solid alternative to the Burrard Bridge.
The Granville Bridge could in fact be your fastest
way to Vancouver's west side from the North
Shore. There's only a short distance farther to
travel than Burrard, and with more lanes than
Burrard, its an option worth considering.
Looking for a new route to the west side? Give
Granville Bridge a try. Its a great choice for your
morning commute and an alternate to Burrard.
FROM      ®
NORTH SHORE   •*     \
V_*    tRANVlUI \
m*MO\    \
■in \tc
i   I   n   i
Sbwrr Google mjj:
Burrard Bridge
Lane Trial
3.II1S Insider weekly -
student society     a weekly look at what's new at your student society 09.08
a weekly look at what's new at your student society
Get your Free
agenda courtesy of
your Student Union
the AMS of UBC
All the stuff you need to begin your
school year and setup your new room!
Also find the latest promotional plans
for cellphones, banking, travel, etc.
SEPTEMBER 8™ -11™, 2009
This fair is on the main concourse of
SUB during the events of "First Week"
outside on the plaza...
come and join in the fun.
Mother Mother w/ Said the
Whale & Hannah Georgas
Sat. 12.09.09-Pit Pub
Jon & Roy w/ Black Diamond Bay
Sat. 19.09.09-Pit Pub
Basia Bulat w/ Guests
Wed. 23.09.09 - St James Hall
Thur. 24.09.09 - Pit Pub
One Day Only!
An outdoor Farmer's Market
to pick up the freshest locally
produced groceries!
'r   SEPTEMBER 18th, 2009
10:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m.
September 7
September 8
Firstweek Event Calendar
Ikea Trip for
Residence Students
Place Vanier and Totem Park
Residences- 1:00 p.m.
End of Summer Smash BBQ
Totem Park Residence Front
Lawn - 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.
Firstweek Open-Air Movie:
Nick&Norahs Infinite Play list
Totem Park Residence Back Lawn
-9:00 p.m.
Imagine UBC
Across Campus - All Day
Live <a Lunch featuring
SUB Plaza-12:00 p.m.
Main Event Carnival
Main Mall-2:00p.m. to5:00
UBC Improv Vigorizes
Place Vanier - 6:00 p.m.
The Legendary Firstweek
Comedy Show featuring
Sean Proudlove
Norm Theatre in the SUB -
10:00 p.m.
September 9
Live (ffi Lunch featuring
SUB Plaza-12:00 p.m.
I  CrazyOMG BMX Show
I   SUB Plaza - 1:00 PM to 3:00 p.m.
UBC Improv Tantalizes
Totem Park Ballroom - 5:30 p.m.
The Indoor/Outdoor
I  Pool Party
UBC Aquatics Centre -
9:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m.
Open-Air Pit Night(19+)
I  The Pit, SUB Basement -
Afternoon to 2 a.m.
September 10
Live <a Lunch featuring
SUB Plaza-12:00 p.m.
Dodgeball Extravaganza:
Brought to you by UBC REC
SRC Gym-3:00 p.m. to6:00p.m.
UBC Improv Gobbles Gage
Walter Gage - 6:00p.m.
Firstweek 'Under the Stars'
Dance Party
SUB West Lawn (under trees
between Physics and SUB) -
9:00 p.m. to 12:00 p.m.
CiTR Open house
SUB Room 233-3:00 to 7:00p.m.
UBC Improv Masters
Marine Drive
Marine Drive - 8:00p.m.
September 11
The 26th Annual
Welcome Back BBQ
Mclnnes Field - 2:00 - 8:00 p.m.
The Third-Ever, Third-Time,
Can't Believe We're Doing It
Again Skating Party
Thunderbird Winter Sports
Centre (Father Bauer Rink) -
8:45 to 10:00 p.m.
AND 10:15 to 11:30 p.m.
Shinerama's Shine Day
in the City
Firstweek Concert Series
Presents: Mother Mother
with Said the Whale and
Hannah Georgas (19+)
The Pit Pub, SUB Basement-
8:00 p.m.
BONUS: Saturday September 26<>
UBC Homecoming and Tailgate Party
Thunderbird Stadium Parking Lot - 12:30 p.m.
UBC Thunderbirds Football vs. University of Regina Rams
Thunderbird Stadium - Kickoff 2:00 p.m.
Stay up to date with the AMS
UBC Alma Mater Society
amsexec 2009.09.08/UBYSSEY.CA/SPORTS/13
SASKATCHEWAN: 1-0        REGINA: 1-0
UBC: 1-1
T-Birds stun Alberta in last minute win
UBC ends losing streak with fourth quarter comeback
The Gateway (University of
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes,
the UBC Thunderbirds overcame a
21-point deficit to stun the Alberta
Golden Bears Friday night at Foote
Field in Edmonton, securing a 2 5-24
win. The win brings an end to UBC's
six-game losing streak, and brings
the team to .500 early on in the
Canada West regular season.
In a game that truly was a tale of
two veiy different halves, the Bears
came out looking like a well-oiled
offensive machine in the first half
as veteran quarterback Quade Armstrong got the Bears out to a 24-6
lead heading into the locker room at
With the start of the second half
came the start of the Dave Boyd
Show as the UBC running back dominated the Bears' defence to the tune
of 2 21 yards on the ground, with 177
of those yards coming in the second
half alone. UBC's offensive linemen
handled the Bears defence, allowing
Boyd to run all over the Green and
Gold in the second 30 minutes.
After a safety and a field goal for
the Thunderbirds, Boyd really got
the comeback in full swing when
he finally punched the ball into the
Bears' endzone with a little over five
minutes left making it 24-18.
With 3:20 left on the clock, the
T-Birds got the ball after Alberta's
offence continued to struggle in the
second half. Starting on their own
five and in need of a major score to
take the lead, the T-Birds drove 105
yards, including 80 yards on the
ground from Boyd, for the touch
down. Kicker Billy Pavlopoulos made
the convert putting the Thunderbirds
up 25-24.
With 41 seconds to play, Alberta
managed to set up a 48-yard field
goal attempt for the win, but kicker
Hugh O'Neill missed wide left as
UBC held on for the remarkable win.
UBC head coach Ted Goveia's crew
showed no quit despite the large deficit, especially his offensive line, who
gave Boyd terrific running lanes.
"They're big and they're playing
with a lot of passion and emotion,
and it's funny because we called a
couple pass plays and they were the
first ones to run off the bench and
say 'we need to run the ball,' and
I like hearing that because when
they're telling me that it means they
think they can get it done, and they
did," said Goveia.
It was a predictable attack in
the second half for the T-Birds, as
everyone in the stadium, including
Bears head coach Jerry Friesen knew
what the T-Birds were going to do
"We knew what they were doing, and it was a man-to-man [situation] and they out-handled us,"
explained Friesen.
With the win UBC improved
their record to 1-1, and the Bears
fell to 0-1 as both teams continue
to look for improvement with
young squads.
"It was probably a good test for
both teams," explained Goveia.
"At the end of the day we won by a
point—they've got a lot of football
left and so do we, and I am confident both teams will get better every
week with the youth." vl
Thunderbird season preview: Women's Soccer
"We always gun for first; you've got
to do that."
That quote might explain why the
2008 Canadian Interuniversity Sport
soccer season wasn't one of the best
in Dick Mosher's 17 years as UBC
Women's Soccer coach.
His team had a successful regular
season with eight wins, two losses
and four ties. But they finished third
in Canada West conference playoffs,
losing a must-win semifinal against
Trinity Western in penalty kicks,
and finished out of the National
As a new season starts, Mosher,
who is approaching 200 wins as a
head coach of both the men's and
women's teams, is expecting his
veteran-laden squad to return to the
Nationals and fight for a Canadian
championship. The Thunderbirds
are ranked eighth in the country to
start the season, with conference rivals Trinity Western of Langley at the
top ofthe polls.
And the key to success for this
team might be a couple of rookies.
"With Janine Frazao and Rachel
Sawyer coming in, they've showed
us that they have that knack for the
net...we're really hoping that they're
going to add some offence that we
dearly need," said Mosher, referring
to two first-year players who will start
as strikers for his team.
He admits it might be a lot of pressure for Frazao, a Heritage Woods
Secondary graduate and Sawyer, a
star from North Vancouver's Hand-
2008 RECAP
FINAL   RECORD: Regular   Season:
8-24. Playoffs: 1-1.
STANDING: 3rd in Conference
ON OFFENCE: 21 goals scored (6th in
Canada West)
ON DEFENCE: 6 goals allowed (1st in
Canada West)
KEY  STAT:   UBC averaged more
than double the number of shots of
sworth Secondary.
"It's asking a lot of a couple of
young ladies," said Mosher.
But he thinks the pair will be prepared to face the challenges of playing in Canada's toughest conference
and be able to spark an offence that
couldn't quite come up with the big
goal on a consistent basis in 2008.
And Mosher said the difference
was between a trip to the Nationals
and an early end to the 2008 season
was literally a couple of goals.
"We had a very strong defensive
team as evidenced in our games with
Trinity Western," said Mosher. "We
gave up one goal in three and a half
games to them and they were National Champions. And you ask what
we have to change or whatever, obviously that 0-0 tie, we nick one and
maybe we're still playing," referring
to a playoff loss to Trinity Western in
penalty kicks that left UBC out of contention for a spot at the Nationals.
With more players playing in
their natural positions, Mosher
hopes to field a more balanced
team. His midfield, led by Davie,
Natalie Hirayama and Sara Treloar, will be strong, providing support to the team's greatest asset:
its stellar defence.
Mosher called it the best in
the country last season. UBC is
anchored by goalkeeper and All-
Canadian Jaclyn Dunnett, who
recorded ten shutouts in 2008.
The back line is led by another
All-Canadian entering her senior
season, Chelsea Stang. She's
joined by other stars, such as Jessica Briker and Kelly Isberg.
their opponents lastyear, averaging
20.1 kicks at the keeper last year
compared to 9.8 for the opposition.
OFFENSIVE STAR: Midfielder and
All-Canadian Caitlin Davie scored
seven goals in 2008 but she was
the only Thunderbird to finish in
the top ten in the Canada West in
goals or assists.
Can UBC get past their rivals from Trinity this year? courtesy ofwilson wong
"Three of them [Dunnett,
Stang and Briker] were with our
World University Games team
in Belgrade this summer so that
really shows you the strength
back there," remarked Mosher,
who is looking to win his fourth
national championship with the
women's team.
He is also counting on these
same players for leadership off
the field.
DEFENSIVE STARS: Fullback Chelsea
Strang enters her final year with the
Thunderbirds coming off a season
where she was named a first team
CIS All-Canadian. Goalkeeper Jaclyn Dunnett recorded 9 shutouts
in regular season play last year,
more than any other keeper in the
September 12 ©Alberta, 12pm
September 13 @ Saskatchewan, 12pm
September 19 vs. TWU, 5pm
September 26 @ TWU, 5pm
"I'd like to be there for whoever
is having troubles on the team feeling upset because [they're] on the
bench," said Treloar, a graduate of
Vancouver's Prince of Wales Secondary. "I want to be a positive role
model for the other players, a leader
by example, just to show them every
practice I want to give 120 per cent.
Hopefully, by doing that, and by
being a positive role model, it will
inspire others to do the same." tl
October 3 @ Manitoba, 10am
October 4 @ Regina, 12pm
October 9 vs. Fraser Valley, 5pm
October 10 vs. UVic, 5pm
October 16 vs. Lethbridge, 5pm
October 17 vs. Calgary, 7pm
October 23 vs Saskatchewan, 5pm
October 24 vs Alberta, 5pm
October 31 @ UVic, 12pm
November 1 ©FraserValley 12pm
Game times local.
■■bird droppings
In an interview with the Vancouver
Sun last week, UBC Athletic Director Bob Philip raised the possibility that this year's Shrum Bowl,
scheduled for October 17, could
be the last.
"It would be a real shame [if
the Shrum Bowl dies], but that's
the reality of the situation," Philip said.
The Shrum Bowl, named after
former SFU Chancellor and UBC
Dean of Graduate Studies Gordon Shrum, is an annual match
between UBC and SFU and typically draws the largest crowds
of the year for a varsity game at
both campuses.
In July, SFU was admitted
into the NCAA, and will be full
members of the Division 2 Great
Northwest Athletic Conference in
2011-2012. However, it remains
unclear whether SFU will play in
the Canada West conference in
Currently, the all-time record
between the two schools is evenly split, with 15 wins each (along
with one tie).
UBC announced last Friday that
Chad Webb has been hired as the
new head coach of the highly acclaimed UBC Thunderbirds swim
team and UBC Pacific Dolphins
swim club.
Webb, formerly the coach of
the Chena Swim Club in North
Vancouver, takes over a program
that has won 22 of 24 national
championships in men's and
women's swimming over the
past 12 years, and replaces Derrick Schoof, who left UBC for the
University of Ottawa.
"Chad has great leadership
and communication skills with
his athletes. His personality and
personal touch is going to go a
long way in the development of
UBC swimmers," said national
team coach and former UBC
coach Tom Johnson. Johnson will
be serving as interim head coach
until Webb joins the program
later in the fall.
The UBC Thunderbirds women's
field hockey team returned home
Saturday after a three week tour
of Argentina, traveling to the cities of Buenos Aires and Rosario to
face some of the top club teams in
South America. The Thunderbirds
finished their trip with a record
of three wins, five losses and two
draws. Highlights of the trip for
the team included playing on a water-based turf, and a match against
the Plaza Jewell club—the oldest
club in South America—as they
celebrated their 120th anniversary.
The team goes straight from the
trip straight into the 2009-2010
CIS season, with tryouts beginning
on Wednesday evening.
Former UBC defensive end Scott
McCuaig has been signed by the
BC Lions to a CFL contract. Mc-
Cauig set a Canada West record
with 27.5 career sacks, and graduated from UBC lastyear. tl
-Justin McElroy ■AT.
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University Press
A few things you didn't know about CUP:
•CUP is 71 years old.
• Over 80 student newspapers from all over Canada are a part
ofthe association.
• It started in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
• CUP helps protect student journalists against lawsuits.
Harmonised sales tax will hurt BC service industry
CUP Western Bureau Chief
KELOWNA (CUPJ-Controversy
over the proposed introduction of
the harmonised sales tax (HST) in
British Columbia has led to strong
responses from political leaders
and business owners.
The Liberal government,
re-elected in May, announced
their intentions on July 23 to
harmonise the Provincial Sales
Tax (PST) with the federal Goods
and Services Tax (GST) as of July
On the campaign front in May,
the Liberals told restaurant and
homeowners associations that
they were not contemplating the
HST as a part of their campaign
"What changed for us, and became evident in that third week
of May," BC Minister of Finance
Colin Hansen told the Canadian
University Press (CUP), "was that
the federal government was prepared to show flexibility that they
did not show before."
BC's HST will be at 12 per cent,
a percentage point lower than the
HST rate Ontario is scheduled
to launch on the same day. Additionally, the federal government
offered $ 1.6 billion in transitional
money to BC to supplement the
improvement this change will
make to the competition among
businesses in Canada.
That funding announcement
came in the midst of rapidly
increasing deficits. The
September 1 provincial budget
provided for a $2.8 billion
dollar deficit, rather than the
$495 million deficit projected in
February before the election.
Controversy stems from the
fact that the HST will apply to
some items that are currently
only taxed five per cent at the
point of sale.
"Generally speaking, the PST
applied to goods....It did not apply generally to services," Hansen
said. "Under the HST, it will apply
generally to goods and services."
Bill Waring, president of De
Dutch Pannekoek Restaurants
Ine, says that this is a problem for
his business.
"At the moment, the restaurant
industry is exempt from collecting provincial sales tax. I would
like that to continue." Taxes on
the food portion of a restaurant
meal will rise from 5 per cent to
12 per cent after the implementation of HST.
Waring has been outspoken in
his criticisms of the tax, but he indicates that this debate may have
a lot to do with personal interests.
"To make it clear, I congratulate the segment of the business
community that has lobbied for
this and got it, because clearly it
is in their best interests to do it,"
he said. "My issue really has to do
with it impacting me as a result
of what's happening or how it will
impact my customers."
Opposition to the tax, however,
has come not only from the economic arena, but the political one
as well. Former Premier Bill Vander
Zalm is fuming about its unfairness.
"The biggest problem with HST
is that you're taking it from the
person with the lunch bucket, the
person that's retired with limited
income, and giving it to big industry," he told CUP.
The NDP has been campaigning
around the province sending the
same message—but, says Vander
Zalm, "they [made the announcement] when the Braewood commission on the use of tasers was
also being announced, and that's
where all the attention went."
Waring agreed that it is unfair,
but is more concerned about its
effect on his business.
"It seems to me that government should be working to benefit all of the members of the
constituencies, and in this case,
they're not," Waring claimed.
"They're benefiting a small number. They're saying 'trust us, this
is going to help you in the long
run,' and lined up behind them
they have a number of business
people that say 'yes, yes, yes.'
They all have their self-interests
at this point, and to be clear, I'm
looking after my self-interest as
well, and I'm making no apologies for that."
Waring also brushed aside the
idea that HST critics like himself
and the NDP are forming an unlikely coalition around Vander
Zalm, who is holding a public
rally in Vancouver on September 19.
"I'm not sure how much we're
coalescing, but we probably have
similar opinions," he said. "I have
no intention on getting involved
with the ex-premier on this or any
other issue."
Hansen, for his part, believes
that eliminating what he calls
a complex system of embedded
PST and GST will save businesses money and help keep the
province competitive, and that
critics like Vander Zalm are just
jumping on the bandwagon.
"People have asked me, am I
surprised at some of the polls
that have come out? It is good
public policy, it is good economic policy, but it is tough
politics because quite frankly,
people don't like taxes," he said.
"The leading economists and the
leading think tanks tell us this
shift to HST is the most important thing we can do as a province to stimulate the economy
and generate jobs."
Waring doesn't believe it. "It's
rhetoric, as far as I'm concerned,"
he said. "I live in the real world
and my feet are out there on the
ground every single day, and I'm
out there trying to make a living
in my business."
Vander Zalm isn't going to give
up either.
"We're going to keep this
before the people, because the
government thought they could
bury it and get away with it
and people would forget—and it
was almost successful, but not
quite," he said. "They thought
they could get away with it, but
they're not. We're aping to keep
fighting the HST." U
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Students find cure for zombie apocalypse
Disease modeling research applies to real-world infections
CUP Ontario Bureau Chief
TORONTO (CUP)-'l like zombies
almost as much as I like math," says
Carleton University graduate student
Philip Munz.
when he and classmates loan
Hudea and Joe Imad had to come
up with a paper topic to model the
spread of an infectious disease, the
idea of a global outbreak of zombies
seemed too good to pass up.
"[Munz] had the original idea after
doing math homework while the TV
in the background happened to be
playing a zombie movie," says Robert
Smith, the professor who assigned
the paper. "I think they thought I'd
shoot their idea down, but I loved it
from the get-go."
The paper demanded that students use mathematical models
to present how a disease might be
contained and treated within a given
population. Zombies, who are typically highly infectious, deadly and
potentially world-ending, presented
the perfect analysis point—and it
even has some applications to the
real world.
"We do briefly mention diseases
with a dormant infection at the
end. I was thinking of something
like herpes, where you're infected
for life, but the virus mostly lives in
the spine. The outbreaks of herpes
infection could be akin to the dead
coming back to life," says Smith, who
co-authored a later version of the paper with the students for publication.
"In fact, I borrowed the phrase
Tut hard and hit often' from the HIV
literature, because that's precisely
what you need to do there."
For Munz, the fun is just beginning.
Thanks to the tireless work of researchers, this will never have to be a reality. GERALD DEO/THE UBYSSEY
"This paper is a good example, I
think, of the versatility and fun that
people can have with math," he says.
The paper offered three models
for fighting off a zombie invasion:
quarantine the zombies, cure the
zombies to return them to their human form or kill the zombies.
While spending the term researching zombies would be any student's
dream, Smith is quick to reiterate
that there is a real-world application
of the cure model.
"In the world of [viruses] and cells,
an infected cell treated with drugs
could return to a healthy cell."
But it's the biology behind this
idea that matters.
"What we learn from this isn't
'we'll apply our zombie model to malaria,' but rather the process. Take
unfamiliar biology—in this case, the
dead coming back to life—understand what the key factors are, create
a model, analyze it, compare it with
the biology, refine it, then introduce
potential interventions in order to
see which ones are likely to work,"
Smith explains.
This is the exact process used on
new diseases such as swine flu, he
says. Unfortunately for the undead,
killing the zombies in vast numbers
was the only effective way the team
found to save humanity from total
collapse—something most disease
researchers would do their best to
avoid in the real world.
The students were shocked by the
reception the paper received when it
entered the public sphere.
"I never thought that it would get
noticed," Munz says. "I figured that
the only people who were going
to read the publication would be
In fact, the paper will appear this
fall in a book called Infectious Disease
Modeling Research Progress, but
that's well after media around the
world have had their bite of the story.
After advocating that the only
true and proper way to deal with
an outbreak of zombies is by "strategically destroying them at such
times that our resources permit," it
seemed everyone was keen on reading more about the Ottawa-based
students and their zombies.
News outlets in Korea, Italy,
the UK, across Canada and the US
and even the Czech Republic have
latched onto the story, vaulting
Munz and his colleagues into the
international spotlight.
As with all widely popular stories, however, the cynics weren't
far behind. Although they were
mercifully few, complaints came
from sources ranging from Zombie
fan-boys ready to poke holes in the
theories to libertarians afraid of a
government-funded research project on zombies.
"The major negative comments
are from people desperately worried that we wasted taxpayer money
on this. Because, you know, the
university was quite happy to fund
us to go collect zombie specimens
and to travel to exotic locations to
observe zombies in the wild," Smith
But just because they wrote a
widely popular paper about zombies
doesn't mean the students were experts going into the writing process.
Luckily, though, their professor was.
"When the students came in and
showed me their first model, I could
say, "Look, I've seen Shaun of the
Dead and it doesn't work like that.
Gentlemen, you need to watch some
movies this weekend." U
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For what matters.  2009.09.08/UBYSSEY.CA/IDEAS/19
I always know when I've arrived
home in America. At the airport, a
loudspeaker chimes with an
alarm clock-like jingle that bombards your senses every five
"Please report any suspicious
activity to the authorities as we
are under the yellow threat level."
This or a similar message is
relayed in a cold, authoritative
This warning of impending
doom—the constant reminder
that we could be attacked at any
second—has accompanied my
bearing witness to the humiliation and emotional breakdown
of mothers and grandmothers,
most of whom have received the
full pat down in security checks,
which now also includes the upper body search. These are the
types of women the TSA asks to
step aside. Sadly, I've become so
used to seeing these injustices
that I no longer notice the anguish
on the victim's faces. I've gone
deaf and blind or grown somehow
At the airport pub, cable
news sensationalism is blaring.
Television screens are littered
everywhere in American airports,
including the washrooms, and it
appears that they're contractually obligated to be tuned to CNN
Headline News. The straight-laced
news station of my youth has
slowly become tabloid-like and
sensationalized over the years.
On my journey back to Dixie,
Fox News pundit Glenn Beck
was pontificating like a cheap
southern televangelist begging
for money. "This guy, I believe...
[is] a racist," he said in reference
to Barack Obama's nationally-televised comments regarding the
recent arrest of a prominent black
Harvard professor by a white cop.
The remark spurred what is now
known as "The Beer Summit,"
which resulted in cable news rerunning the same race-relation
pieces from African American
Month back in February. This
is what greeted me as I arrived
home, and it would continue in
the background as I journeyed to
Florida to visit my dying grandmother—my Oma, as I call her,
following the German tradition—
the next day.
I hadn't truly been home since
last summer. During the winter
break, I spent more time sleeping in airports due to blizzards
than actually in my own bed in
St Louis. I really didn't mind,
though. When I come home, the
process of trying to get there is
really the only fun and enjoyable part. For me, growing up
in the Midwest was equivalent
to getting a root canal.
The stereotypes about the
Midwest are unfortunately
mostly true. We are indeed the
nicest but also most naive people, living in a perfect existence
enclosed by white picket fences.
As you can guess, the Midwest
is as plain as vanilla. The only
excitement comes from the
opening of a brand new strip
mall down the street—with a
drive-thru Walgreen's. It's so
boring there. For Prom, the after party is at Wal-Mart, where
everyone walks up and down
the aisles showing off their
dresses. It's these memories
that, whenever I arrive in the
Midwest or come too close to
Missouri or Illinois, cause me to
become so nauseous that I must
pull over immediately to buy
Pepto-Bismol. This gut-wrenching reaction of mine never sat
well with the locals, which led
me to conclude many years ago
that their never-ending distrust
of the boy who never drank
Budweiser products or followed
the local baseball team was
I arrived home to a tornado
that was sweeping through
my life as well as the country,
which was turning the place unrecognizable and weird. I can
usually handle weird. In fact, I
long for it, as it's far superior to
the mundane, but this was now
full-blown insanity. I wasn't
expecting what was to come on
what most likely was going to be
my final road trip to Florida.
The South, or as some natives
would prefer it to be referred
to as, the Confederacy, doesn't
have, in my opinion, the gravi-
tas of physical geography that
would have inspired an individual to fight against the "northern aggression" some 148 years
ago. Outside of Tennessee and
Virginia, the South is rather
an ugly and uninspiring place.
With a few exceptions, the
South has always been, in my
view, overdramatized due to
Hollywood film classics.
I hoped that this trip to
Florida would help me develop
a better understanding of this
place I grew up in.
History books usually define the
South as the states that fought
for the Confederacy, but the
truth is that nowadays the South
creeps above the Ohio River that
separated the free state from
the slave state. Southern Illinois
has a very distinct feel and it's
how I imagine the entire state
of Illinois. While most outsiders
imagine the state to be Chicago,
I've always envisioned the city
as too far removed from the
state's cultural identity and as
this unimaginable metropolis.
But to most of the people up
north in Chicago, southern Il
linois is pictured as a wasteland
of rednecks and backward scary
folks. As a result of these stereotypes, the people of southern
Illinois consider themselves
ignored within the state's
To be fair, the Southern identity has taken hold here more recently. Fifteen years ago, I don't
recall anyone speaking in a
Southern accent. To understand
how much the culture here has
changed, in the late 60's, my
grandfather, banned the family
from watching the CBS program
Hee Haw as it made fun of farmers; yet, in today's Southern
Illinois, one can't go anywhere
without someone talking about
the Blue Collar Comedy Tour
and their redneck pride.
After Popeye the Sailor, the
Superman statue in Metropolis, and the Southern Illinois
University basketball team, the
region is best known for butchering town names of French,
German and most famously
Egyptian origin. Travelling
south, you'll stumble upon
the towns of Renault (Ren-alt),
Vienna (V-eye-anna), and of
course Cairo (kay-roh officially,
but locally I've always known it
as care-row).
If you've read Mark Twain,
then you've probably read a
bit about Cairo, Illinois. I've
always considered part of this
region home. I'd interrupt anyone reading The Adventures of
Huckleberry Finn aloud in my
high school English class with
the proper pronunciation. Inevitably, laughter would ensue,
but what was lost between that
laughter and the classic text is
a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, of which occurred not
long after Mark Twain stopped
writing about the historic river
The stereotypes about the Midwest are unfortunately mostly true. We are
indeed the nicest but also most naive people, living in a perfect existence
enclosed by white picket fences. As you can guess, the Midwest is as plain
as vanilla. The only excitement comes from the opening of a brand new
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