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The Ubyssey Mar 29, 1974

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Array THE UBYSSEY
Vol. LV, No. 64
VANCOUVER, B.C., FRIDAY, MARCH 29, 1974
48       228-2301
Mapson ignores rules
By JAKE van der KAMP
Incoming Alma Mater Society treasurer
George Mapson admitted Thursday he has
intentionally violated the AMS constitution.
He admitted appointing 10 voting members to the finance committee although the
constitution specifies only seven.
"I overstepped my boundaries," he said.
"I'm almost saying screw the constitution.
In fact I'll do it just the way I want."
The AMS constitution stipulates the
finance committee is to be made up of seven
members: the treasurer, two members of
the students' council appointed by the
president in consultation with the treasurer
and four members of the society appointed
.* in consultation with the council members of
the finance committee.
However in the week prior to March 13
Ed faculty
needs $$$
By MARK BUCKSHON
The UBC education faculty needs more
than $1 million in special funds to meet
demands imposed by provincial government policy changes, associate education
dean Ray Bentley said Thursday.
He said the money would be used to hire 40
additional professors and accommodate a 22
per cent enrolment increase resulting from
the government's pledge to lower classroom
student-teacher ratios throughout the
province.
And he said the education faculty is
making plans and preparing to hire
professors on the assumption the money will
be forthcoming before this May.
"We're caught in the bind of waiting for
authorization (from Victoria)", he said.
"It's rather late in the year."
So to get the money from the provincial
education department to UBC in the short
time available, a few rules and normal
financing procedures may need to be bent,
he suggested.
Special negotiations are being conducted
between education minister Eileen Dailly
and UBC education dean John Andrews
See page 21: WE'RE
AUCE vote soon
Mapson appointed 10 members, including
four from students' council and five from
the society's membership.
Mapson also admitted knowing about the
violation two weeks prior to its being pointed
out in an AMS council meeting Wednesday
night and doing nothing about it.
AMS president Gord Blankstein said that
although the committee violates the constitution, its business to date is legal as long
as the minutes were passed by council.
However he said he would have the AMS
lawyers look into the matter.
Mapson defended the make-up of the
committee Thursday by saying committee
members wanted more people so he decided
to over-rule the constitution.
Mapson said other AMS treasurers have
made similar abuses of their power. When
pressed he declined to make any specific
accusations.
Outgoing treasurer John Wilson denied
ever defying the constitution.
"The way I look at it the constitution is the
ultimate authority and no elected official
should place himself above the constitution," he said in an interview Thursday.
Wilson said no AMS treasurer of his
acquaintance has violated the constitution
in any significant manner.
"The AMS treasurer should uphold the
constitution," he said. "If he doesn't he
should resign."
The constitution can only be changed in a
referendum or at a general meeting with 10
per cent of the society's membership attending and two-thirds of them voting in
favor of the change.
Mapson said he didn't know there were
restrictions on the number of committee
members when he first appointed them but
said he found out at the first meeting of the
committee March 13.
He said he asked a number of people on
the committee if there were any objections
and they all replied no.
"I saw a bloody stupid thing in the constitution and I decided to change it," he said.
It doesn't really matter because council
ratified the minutes of the meeting anyway.
"Maybe I deserve to be shit on for that but
if I had to do it over again I would do the
same thing."
He said he and Blankstein have decided to
strike council members Linda Kingston and
Don Brynildsen off the committee.
The third person to be struck off the
committee will be decided on by the
members of the committee at a future
meeting, he said.
Kingston has been instrumental in
defeating proposals to pay vice-president
Doug Brock and internal affairs office Joan
Mitchell a salary of $2,500 each for summer
work. The proposals were passed by the
finance committee. .
Mapson said he will now follow the constitution to the letter.
The issue was raised by Ubyssey co-editor
Vaughn Palmer at the council meeting
Wednesday.
"Where does the treasurer get off
changing the constitution," he said. "It
doesn't say that you, George Mapson, can
decide which parts of the constitution you
can ignore and which not ignore."
Mapson answered only that he decided
more people were needed on the committee
and he accepted almost all who applied for
it.
'Labor Board delays'
The B.C. Labor Relations board will grant
certification to the Association of University
and College Employees for UBC's 1,200
clerical and library workers if a board
conducted membership vote approves of
AUCE.
That's the indication in a board letter to
AUCE organizers at UBC 3-1/2 months after
they officially applied for union certification.
AUCE treasurer said Thursday the vote is
expected some time next week, a move
which was "really what we expected." She
said taking a representative vote is "regular
procedure" before certifying a union if the
extent of its support is in doubt.
The UBC administration has challenged
the AUCE application on the grounds that
Inside
New stories from
Ernie Hemingway
Tommy Wolfe
Norma Jean Mailer
—Heh heh)
they do not in fact have a majority of eligible
employees, Lundy said.
In the application sent to the board, AUCE
said it has signed 750 of about 1,200 possible
members. The administration however,
maintains the potential bargaining unit is
much larger.
See page 9: DELAY
—marise savaria photo
TIDYING UP loose ends, sweeping up the old and dreaming of greater things to come.
The Ubyssey wraps up what may have been the finest year for best student.newspaper
west of False Creek. Meanwhile Nitobe gardens gardeners spruce up their masterpiece to
greet summer tourists and make the university relevant to the community.
Faculty union plans continue
The UBC faculty association will amend
its constitution at an April 4 general meeting
to make collective bargaining possible,
association treasurer Mark Thompson said
Thursday.
Thompson said the faculty association
may be ready to begin negotiations with the
university administration in early May.
He said the association's membership has
shown almost total support for unionization
since it first voted to begin collective
bargaining in a surprise move at a Feb. 13
meeting.
"Reaction so far has been fairly positive,"
Thompson said. "No individual has offered
himself for any executive office who is
opposed to collective bargaining. All the
incoming executive favor certification," he
said.
Thompson said the constitutional changes
to be voted at the meeting include one which
would eliminate  from  active  association
membership all deans, the administration
president, senior administrators and the
librarian.
He said a "collective bargaining standing
committee" will also be established to act as
negotiators between the association and
administration.
Thompson said the standing committee
will organize certification petitions to the
B.C. Labor Relations Board. He said he did
not expect a certification vote would be
necessary "if we get more than 50 per cent
of the membership signed up" which he said
is extremely likely.
He said current negotiations between
the association's non-union salary committee and the administration has resulted
in salary increases, but neither he, nor UBC
deputy president William Armstrong, would
say exactly how much additional money was
offered to the faculty for the 1974-5 school
term.
Association members at the Feb. 13
meeting expressed fears that salary
negotiations with the administration would
be tougher next year because of the
provincial government's original intention
not to give the universities increased
operating funds. However premier Dave
Barrett has indicated since that the
universities will receive more money after
all.
Despite the assurance it appears faculty
are still skeptical of how much money they
can get and plan to proceed with the union.
However Thompson said: "They (the
administration) have done about as much as
they could for us. They've squeezed every
bit out of the government's allocation."
Thompson said he expects Barrett will be
favorable to the association's unionizing.
In. tact he said Barrett may be "more
tolerant" to administration requests for
additional funds, if the money is needed to
meet a negotiated settlement. Page 2
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
Financial problems cited
Straight struggles on
The Georgia Straight will appear
periodically on campus during the
summer, Straight owner Dan
McLeod said Thursday.
"If we're the only paper on
campus it will probably be more
necessary to cover things on
campus," McLeod said.
But McLeod also said he doesn't
think the Straight will be able to
cover the campus as well as The
Ubyssey. "I don't think we could
afford to cover the campus," he
said. "We can only pick up on the
occasional thing."
McLeod said the Straight is still
in financial difficulty due to the
outstanding payment of $3,500 in
fines levied against the paper in an
obscenity case earlier this year.
"Our lawyers are preparing to
ask in court that the fine be held in
abeyance," he said. "It's unfair to
ask the fine to be paid before appeal."
The Straight has until April 15 to
pay the fine after receiving a 30-
day extension in March.
McLeod said he doesn't expect to
be able to play the fine until well
into the summer. "In the summertime things get better," he
said. "It helps the whole picture.
We get more vendors and the
readership picks up."
McLeod said the Straight still
isn't making any money from its
university edition and is just
paying for the extra copies it
dumps on campus. Since Feb. 14,
the Straight has been dumping
13,000 copies at UBC Thursdays.
The Straight made an unsuccessful attempt to expand its
distribution to the Simon Fraser
University campus three weeks
ago.   However McLeod said  the
Meat?
LOOK AT WHAT WE HAVE
Thuringia Liver Sausage
Speckwurst
Tongue Sausage
Hannov Mettwurst
Original Weiner
Frankfurter
Crakow Ham Sausage
Beer Sausage with Garlic
Summer Sausage
Bavarian Meat Loaf Baked
Landjaeger
Genoa Salami
Polish Rings
Westfalian Salami
Cervelat
Katensalami
Westfalian Ham
Black Forest Ham
Paprika Speck
Kosher Style Corned Beef
Das ist
wunderbar!
WHERE . . IN MUNICH?
NO!
paper will probably be at SFU this
summer "in one form or another."
"We're holding off delivering
until we've heard from their
student council. We went before
them last Tuesday and we're still
waiting for a letter advising us of
their position."
McLeod said the advertising
manager for SFU's student
newspaper, The Peak, has worked
out a compromise to allow the
Straight to distribute at SFU.
"We'll try and iron out
something with him as soon as he
sends us his terms."
McLeod said he is unsure of the
Straight's direction in the future.
"We don't know where we're going
yet, it's such a new thing to be on
campus," he said.
"I want to cover the campus in
some sense but not overlap The
Ubyssey. It was never my intention
to compete with The Ubyssey,
merely provide an alternative.
"The Ubyssey can cover the
campus better than us."
Persons are invited to apply for
ALMA MATER SOCIETY
STUDENT HOUSING COMMITTEE
being formed to act to alleviate
student housing shortage
Turn in applications
by Tuesday, April 2,1974
12:30 p.m.
DUNCAN THOMSON
to AMS SECRETARY
SUB 250
\WWlI«->Jl#WfBl! r^MMm,:  ...
& SPAGHETTI HOUSE LTD.
Steaks - Pizza - Spaghetti - Lasagna - Ravioli - Rigatoni - Chicken
DOWNTOWN - WEST END*
GRAD CLASS 74
Annual Chicken Barbecues
May 29 & 30, 1974
After your grad ceremony and the President's reception, plan to
attend (with friends and family) the Alumni Association Chicken
Barbecue held at Cecil Green Park on campus. Also, the Park will
be open for all grads until 12 midnight for grad parties. Live band
from 8 p.m. Get a group together, informality is the key. Full
facilities.
Tickets for the barbecue chicken $2.75/person. Reservations
early to avoid disappointment. Call the Alumni Association
228-3313.
KITS - DUNBAR - PT. GREY
OPEN
. _._Mon- " Thurs.
4:00 p.m. - 3:00 a
4:00 p.m. - 4*00 a,
4:00 p.m.Un1:00 a.m.
738-9520
or 738-1113
3618 W. Broadway
OPEN
Mon. ' Thurs.
11:00 a.m. - 3:00 a.m.
_,    Fri. - Sat.
11:00 a.m. -4:00 a.m.
Sunday
11:00a.m.-1:00 a.m.
688-5491
1359 Robson
Dining Lounge - Full Facilities - Take Out or Home Delivery
Cycles for Touring
(this is the time to buy)
FJU.CMS . DAWES • BOTIECCHUS
POINT
YO£S
Est. 1930
CYCLE TOURING CENTRE
3771 W. 10th Ave., 224-3536
"Service When You Need It!"
EUROPE 74
VANCOUVER -LONDON - VANCOUVER
April 30 ■ June 25 P.W.A.	
April 30 - August 29 Air Canada (aoso
May 6 - June 28 Air Canada (aoso
364.00
364.00
May lfl   Sept 13 Laker	
May 15 - July 31 Air Canada (aoso
May 22 - Sept. 5 Laker (Astro)
May 29 - Aug. 28 Air Canada <aoso
-3&90
SOLD
OUT
June 2—July 14 Air Gonodo	
June 12 • Aug. 2 Laker (Astro)
June 28 - August 30 Laker (Astro)
luly 2 ■ August 27 Air Canada
364.00
330.00
364.00
-moo
SOLD
OUT
July 21 - Sept. 1 Wardair (intend
330.00
375.00
-m00soouTD
364.00
• Many additional flights of 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 weeks and longer available.
• A.B.C. flights require a 10% non-refundable deposit upon booking.
• Connecting flights available to many other destinations in Europe, Africa,
Asia -SPECIAL RATES FOR STUDENTS.
• On AOSC marked flights - children 2-11 incl.: 14 fare; under 2: 10% of
fare.
• Studentrail, Eurail, Britail passes. International Student Identity Cards,
Car Rentals, Tours, etc. can be obtained through A.O.S.C.
• Many flights are now full - so SEE US SOON!
Association of Student Councils
Student Union Building, U.B.C.
224-0111 Friday, March 29, 1974
THE       UBYSSEY
Page 3
Gov't $ seen for Rec
* *   V_*_ v   .-. ">,*^'>       ...     .  .'
By RALPH MAURER
Alma Mater Society president
Gord Blankstein says there is a
good chance UBC will get a grant
from the provincial government to
finance Recreation UBC.
This would mean the end of the $5
fee, possibly by September.
Blankstein admitted having
erred on earlier occasions about
the program. He said he supported
the program two years ago
because the ruling Social Credit
government wouldn't finance such
a program. But the NDP government has indicated they would
fund certain recreational
programs, he said.
If the NDP doesn't come across,
the AMS will approach the administration to fund the program.
This could mean higher tuition
fees, but Blankstein said this won't
happen.
"The program was budgeted at
$21,500 this year, and it overspent it
by $6,000, which the administration
paid. Along with the $6,500 to $7,000
they put into the original budget,
they, paid almost $13,000," he said.
"I think the program could be run
for that kind of money."
Much of the- program's budget
goes to supervisors, whose job,
according to Blankstein, is keeping
non-Rec UBC members out. If it
were open to all students, the
supervisors would be available for
other jobs.
He said instruction could continue for those students who
wanted it, even if it meant a surcharge.
He said the main problem of the
program is the basic structure and
premise upon which its existence is
based. When the program started,
it was based on the policy that
those who use the facilities pay.
However, many students resented
having to pay for something they
felt was free before. There was a
misunderstanding that the
recreational facilities would be
closed if the program didn't exist.
Blankstein said bad public
relations also hurt the program but
to a lesser extent.
However, physical education
department head Robert Osborne
was much more explicit in placing
blame for the problems.
He blames "sniping from The
Ubyssey and inconsistent attitudes
of council members" for most of
the problems the program had. He
said there would be no change in
the program and he expected it to
continue to operate much as it has
this year.
He said response to the program
has been very good and total
membership this year has higher
than anticipated.
Apart from these problems, the
only trouble Rec UBC has had are
what he called "growing pains."
Blankstein doesn't blame
Osborne or program director
Gautschi, saying they did the best
job possible under the constraints
of the program.
Rec UBC was initiated because
the university claimed there was a
choice of no program at all, increased fees or Rec UBC.
He said the schemes by which
those that used the facilities paid,
seemed at the time to be the best
idea because they could not expect
money from the government.
Blankstein also suggested the
school of physical education should
have no jurisdiction over intramural and extramural sports and
the recreation program. These
should be put under the jurisdiction
of a new recreational services
body.
On freedom fighters
Canada must stand
By CHERYL STEPHENS
No neutral ground exists for
Canadians on the issue of aid to
African freedom fighters, a former
South African civil liberties lawyer
said Thursday.
The Canadian government's
deeds seldom match its words, Joel
Carlson told an UBC audience.
He spoke as a guest of the South
African Action Coalition with the
financial support of the law
students' association.
No Neutral Ground is the title of
Carlson's book about the South
African apartheid regime. He said
the Canadian government assists
fascist regimes in Mozambique,
Rhodesia and Namibia, South
Africa through its participation in
NATO and through the sale to the
U.S. of military equipment which
is sent to the African governments.
"Canadians try to stand on the
sideline looking on but you as individuals are responsible for youi
society and your government's
actions."
Even the promise of aid to
African liberation movements
made at the 1973 Commonwealth
Conference is being made
meaningless, he said.
External affairs minister Mitchell Sharp has said recently aid
will not go directly to African
groups but to third parties such as
the Red Cross and the World
Council of Churches.
They will not be military aid and
will not be given "without at least
the tacit concurrence of the local
authorities."
Carlson distributed copies of an
editorial cartoon which appeared
in the Toronto Globe and Mail on
the day Sharp attended United
Nations ceremonies commemorating the Sharpeville
massacre when a South African
government brutally repressed a
black miners' strike.
The cartoon portrayed Sharp
distributing aid to apes in a jungle
with a cutline referring to the
freedom fighters as 'apes in arms'.
No Canadian newspaper would
dare print such an inflammatory
message about the French Quebec
See page 8: CIA
—marise savaria photo
SLAVERY, BRUTALITY, and anguished hatred in South Africa are
Canadians' responsibility, South Africa freedom fighter Joel Carlson
reminds UBC students Thursday. We drink apartheid's wine, wear its
diamonds and hoard its gold, he says.
?%,A
'Dildos' reject $10,500 exec summer pay
By JAKE van der KAMP
Incoming Alma Mater Society treasurer
George Mapson said Wednesday councillors
who voted against $10,500 in AMS executive
summer salaries are dildos and have the IQs
of a lunch bucket.
Mapson made the remarks after council
rejected a request from vice-president Doug
Brock and internal affairs officer Joan
Mitchell for $2,500 each as payment for their
summer work.
Instead council asked Mitchell, Brock,
Mapson and AMS president Gordie
Blankstein to bring specific proposals for
their summer work to a special council
meeting next Wednesday.
"I think most people here have got the IQ
of a lunch bucket," Mapson told council
members following the decision.
"People think it's a bloody joke. You
elected an executive to do the job. I can
think of more exciting things to do than
working with a bunch of dildos like you."
The president and treasurer have
traditionally been hired over the summer to
attend to the society's business. Last
summer then AMS president Brian Loo es,
Blankstein and treasurer John Wilson were
given $2,000 while co-ordinator Joanne
Lindsay got $1,000 for summer work.
Mapson said he would not be prepared to
work over the summer if Mitchell and Brock
were not also given jobs.
He said he needs the work they proposed
to do to make up the budget, Saying he
refused to work the summer for $2,000,
Mapson said he looked on the proposals as a
package deal.
Mitchell described her "summer project"
as a study of student information services
which she said are not effective and often
duplicated.  Specifically,  she  proposed
PALMER ... incredibly ugly
working with Speakeasy, the abortion action
committee as well as setting up an off-
campus housing list.
She said she would also like to look into the
possibilities of the AMS taking over food
services.
Council members had several objections.
"How much of this money is going for a
housing list? " asked Ubyssey editor Vaughn
Palmer. "All you're going to get for $2,500 is
someone looking into a housing list. Why
don't we set up a committee to make up a
housing list and pay for it."
His comments were echoed by architecture rep Ed Leflufy, who said he
would hate to see council pay a $2,500 salary
and then find itself paying an extra $3,000 for
office costs.
Earlier Leflufy introduced a proposal to
set up a housing office and a housing
committee. Council voted to receive the
proposal but took no further action.
The brief said funding from the AMS, the
administration^ the government and Opportunities for'Youth will provide for a staff
of two and an adequate advertising and
listings budget.
Leflufy said he saw no reason why the
internal affairs officer should be the one to
look into housing.
Arts rep Arlene Francis suggested
Speakeasy run the housing list since it has
done so this year and has some experience
in setting up a list.
She said the projects Mitchell proposed
are good but council should allow anyone to
apply for the job of handling them.
Several council members said the
proposals were poorly presented and were
too vague. But the general objection was to
the assumption that elected executive
members should be paid for their work.
"I'd like to say generally you were elected
to carry out these programs and I'd'like to
ask why you need a salary? said grad
studies rep David Fuller.
Mapson countered that the executive
needs the money to work over the summer.
"It seems to me that it's strange that you
expect student councillors to work all
summer in their spare time. We are
students too. We need money too," he said.
Brock said his project was to write an
introduction booklet for first year students
on UBC and to work for improvement of the
part time studies program at UBC.
"There seems to be a distinct lack of a
part time degree program here," he said.
Council members objected to his project
on the grounds that it duplicated administration services.
There is currently a senate committee
looking into improvements of the part-time
degree program.
"Why should students be paid for this if it
benefits the administration? said arts rep
Joanne Lindsay.
"This society has spent a lot of money
over the last few years for studies that have
achieved nothing," said Palmer.
Mapson defended Brock's proposals for an
information booklet on the grounds it is
necessary to acquaint first year students
with the AMS.
"How are students coming from high
school going to know anything if we don't
market SUB and the AMS properly? he said.
Council members were not convinced.
Mapson's proposals for his project to
prepare the budget, realign the business
office and study how to get more revenue out
of SUB met with some approval, but council
members said he should be more definite.
Blankstein did not outline what he
proposes to do but said he will wait for the
■ special council meeting.
The meeting showed a decisive split in the
council. Only five executive members and
law rep Parker McCarthy voted in favor of
the salaries.
Several times during the meeting
Blankstein was told to stop giving comments
and concern himself only with chairing the
meeting. Page 4
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
Good times
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
One of the things that didn't happen during the
1973-74 term was the discovery of a new way to begin
year-end editorials.
But suffice to say another year at UBC brought some
good things and more than a few bad ones.
On the good side, student representation progressed,
however haltingly? the engineers took a serious interest in
campus politics as well as streaking; the new Pit opened to
droves of drooling would-be alkies and library and clerical
workers and the faculty itself moved to unionize.
Bad things abounded too as the UBC senate royally
screwed arts then graduate students with their
representation schemes* Arts dean Doug Kenny and music
head Donald McCorkle continued their drive to the top
spreading alienation wherever they went; the Recreation
UBC $5 rip-off continued; the park board moved to ruin
Towers Beach, the government to ruin the University
Endowment Lands; and the NDP government talked and
talked education reform but only managed to fire John
Bremer.
In the offing are the provincial government's
long-awaited universities act reforms slated to be introduced
this fall; the appointment of a new UBC president to
succeed Walter Gage, who retires in June 1975; some moves
by the Alma Mater Society executive to shore up the
society's sagging relevance; and the unveiling of the
governments' plans for UEL housing.
The universities act reform won't be as sweeping as it
should but students will probably get a first look and a vote
at a Board of Governors meeting; the new president will
probably be deputy president Bill Armstrong unless a right
wing coup with Kenny or chemistry Head Charles McDowell
as candidate, or a dark horse outsider succeeds; and the
AMS executive might manage to make the society more
responsive to student needs but don't bet on it.
If you think those predictions are rather vague here are
some things The Ubyssey can guarantee will happen:
* You'll get ripped off by the administration in the
form of fees upon surcharges upon hidden costs from the
day you first set foot on campus;
* You'll wait hours in line to do everything from
purchasing textbooks to going to the bathroom during the
registration week fiasco;
* When you finally get settled down at least half the
profs will be tedious and most of the course content
irrelevant. The same will be true if you go through the
tiresome process of changing courses;
* The food at most campus eateries will be bland but
the prices will be higher and the line ups to get served just as
long;
* Another enormous expenditure for new buildings
will be announced at a campus where enrolment has
stabilized at about 20,000 for several years;
* Around about March as the papers pile up and the
rains pour down your favorite profs will be denied tenure,
yet another UBC residence fee hike will be announced, and"
you will realize, if you even care, that the new gang of AMS
hacks is at least as bad as the previous bunch.
* Everyone's favorite newspaper, The Ubyssey, will
continue to bring sweetness and light into your humdrum
existence.
Take it from us.
rm—
Women's office
A recent scare concerning the legal responsibilities of the Alma
Mater Society to its members under the societies act has resulted in
a proposal that aims at erasing the pressures the responsibility
entails —
AMS president Gordon Blankstein and treasurer George Mapson
have expressed concern over the legal status of the AMS relating to
all AMS clubs. If any clubs on campus does anything naughty the
AMS is responsible for that particular clubs actions. This no doubt
has a direct influence on the reputation of the AMS.
A recent poll has shown that the reputation of the AMS is steadily
declining. The AMS now rates a credibility of 1.39 on a scale of 10.
It is hoped that this can at least be raised to a rating of 2 so that
the AMS can again be seen as something remotely credible.
In an effort to help the AMS executive regain credibility the
women's office is offering a series of summer workshops for all
AMS clubs to learn the proper handling of club finances. The series
of workshops entitled "Help yourself help your AMS" are offered to
try and aid all clubs in setting up budgets which will balance.
If these workshops are successful it will undoubtedly have an
effect in bringing up the credibility rating of the AMS.
The women's office, as a legal charge of the AMS, believes it
must do everything possible to enhance the position of its big
brother.
It's the the least we can do for all the things that the AMS does for
us. The AMS is an organization which every club on campus must
recognize as being the ideal to which we all must aspire.
Thank you
Laura Hall
women's office
King George the first
Alma Mater Society incoming treasurer
George Mapson has knowingly violated the
AMS constitution.
Mapson ignored the constitutional provision that permits only seven voting members on the AMS finance committee and
instead appointed ten.
He admits doing this and he says he
would do the same thing all over again if he
had the chance because the committee needs
more members.
The members of Mapson's illegal committee were informed of Mapson's illegal
move and they went along with it.
AMS council approved the illegal committee two weeks ago and only moved to
back track when confronted with the violation Wednesday.
Mapson, the finance committee and
perhaps AMS president Gordon Blankstein,
who gave tacit approval to the move, are
guilty of violating their trust as AMS
officers.
No  one, particularly an elected AMS
official,    has   any    right   to   "screw   the
constitution" to use Mapson's words.
«      ___., ... . ,
The    constitution    is    an    imperfect
document    but    it    does    contain    some
protection to ensure that students'rights will
not be trampled by power-tripping AMS
executive officers.
If Mapson doesn't like it he ought to
amend it properly or quit.
Mapson's attitude that he can ignore
any part of the constitution he doesn't like
is dangerous. Not only could his actions be
illegal under the Societies Act, but any
minutes passed by the illegal finance
committee might be invalid.
More importantly, what constitutional
clause will George decide to ignore next?
AMS council is probably guilty of only
ignorance of the society's founding
document which isn't surprising since it's a
rather massive tome.
Just the same, by approving minutes of
an illegal committee they also commit a
breach of trust.
Mapson now says he plans to cut the
committee back to a legal level.
But the lesson for new councillors,
especially those who were so well organized
in the Wednesday night fight against summer
honorariums for the executive, is clear.
This executive has a lot of new ideas
and some old ones.
They'll have to be watched.
Every minute.
Letters
Senate
Regarding the senate controversy over use of aptitude
testing as a basis of law school
admission (The Ubyssey, March
22): I fail to see how it is that arts
dean Doug Kenny was accused by
chemistry head Charles McDowell
of considering himself plugged into
God, when the shoe seems to fit
better on McDowell's foot.
Not only is a correlation with
success of .30 (assuming that is a
correct figure) a tenuous figure
upon which to depend when
making admission decisions, but it
should also be recognized that once
such a test is used as a basis for
admission, its validity becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy.
Only those who do well on the test
are admitted, hence they are the
only ones who have a chance of
success, ergo the test becomes a
more and more perfect
discriminator.
Thus, even though it might
eventually be possible to arrive at
a correlation with success of .90 or
more, this would reflect nothing
more than the quantification of
such an a priori or rigged
situation. Yet it would seem to
render the testmaker almost infallible. Granted, this effect may
occur given any other basis of
admission as well, but no one is
claiming those bases are scientific.
We have become so conditioned
to accepting anything quantitative
or statisitical as scientific that we
may fail to see that the underlying
assumptions may be as non-
scientific as a religious dogma.
Scientists are so sensitive about
the fallacies of self-fulfilling
prophecies, one would think they
would weed out those in their own
garden before attempting to
preach the gospel elsewhere.
Joyce Tomboulian
licentiate in accounting
Cuba
Your newspaper is full of
socialist articles against racism,
capitalism and the oppression of
minority groups.
You may think that everybody
agrees with you but they don't.
The silent majority in this
university has very conservative
ideals and we would sure like to see
some  articles  which   praise.
Human nature is such that
certain things develop naturally
among us and all that socialist
bullshit is just causing us a lot of
trouble.
If you don't like it here, why
don't you go to Cuba.
George McFarlane
West Vancouver.
We would like our readership to
know thai this is not a letter The
Ubyssey staff made up to satirize
those of the conservative persuasion. Believe it or not, it's real.
— Kds. Friday, March 29, 1974
THE      U BYSSEY
Page 5
Letters
Boos
We, the students of UBC, owe
thanks to Sharon Stevenson.
Students are becoming increasingly depressed as exam time
approaches and Sharon has taken
it upon herself to give the student
body a good laugh.
She must have spent hours
toiling over her most recent humor
column — the article on Jan
Solecki's   talk   on   Alexander
!   THE UBYSSEY
MARCH 29, 1974
Published Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays throughout the
university year by the Alma Mater Society of the University of
B.C. Editorial opinions are those of the writer and not of the
AMS or the university administration. Member, Canadian
University Press. The Ubyssey publishes Page Friday, a weekly
commentary and review. The Ubyssey's editorial offices are
located in room 241K of the Student Union Building.
Editorial departments, 228-2301; Sports, 228-2305; advertising,
228-3977.     Co-editors: Vaughn Palmer, Michael Sasges
STAR TREND
A PLAY IN THREE UNNATURAL ACTS
BY ALAN DOREE
This is the slaveship Enterprise.
Its mission over the long weekend, perhaps the most boring ever
conceived by the people at the Aurora Plastic Models Corp., to explore
strange new worlds and exploit them by the establishment of an interstellar
chain of Colonel Sanders Funeral Home take-out burial franchises. To seek
out new civilizations and destroy them with massive doses of.epoxy glue
and Front Page Challenge. To boldly refuse to go where no man has gone
before, Karen Magnussen's bedroom.
This week's episode, The Universe Threatened By A Cave Full Of Evil
Telepathic Suet.
"Star date 30 21 point two. Commander Rick W. Lymer of the
Canadian slaveship the U.S.S. Enterprise.
"We are orbiting the planet Vaughn Palmer in the Wetaskawin star
system. Federation reports have alerted us to recent developments here
that may threaten the fate and dental health of the Free Universe.
"Dr. Ben Gelfant and Mr. Gary Coull are accompanying me to the
planet's surface with a number of crew members to investigate the
situation, which from up here seems fairly simple but must be made
complex enough to fill up this space.
"We have beamed down to the planet's surface, which is the way we
like to describe climbing down our rope ladder and find the planet's
atmosphere highly toxic, containing 927,000 parts per million chocolate
milk. Fortunately we are protected by our carefully tailored space
uniforms made from Saran Wrap, which covers the entire left buttock of
each crew member, except Ralph Maurer, alternate Frisbee technician who
also peels the armadillos. The remaining parts of our lovely, glistening
bodies are smeared with tapioca and buffalo droppings to prevent chapped
skin.
"I have asked Mr. Stephen Morris, the Balkan alien in our crew, to use
his telepathic ability and finely curved lips to evaluate the situation here on
Vaughn Palmer.
"Morris, who's pointed ears, polyglot-shaped eyes and gently roughened nipples make him a standout on the crew's underwater Aztec military
marching band, set off with a jaunty gait, a song in his heart and a stabbing
pain in his ceramic scrotum.
"When Morris' body was found enclosed in a fountain pen we knew
what we had to do but the idiots still in the Enterprise had eaten the rope
ladder. So we wrote a message for help with the pen, popped it in the
mailbox, waited for the traffic lights to change, kissed mommie goodbye,
packed up a nice sack lunchie of denim sandwiches and set off to find the
witchie's housie where the suet lived.
"On the way across the desert the sun beat down on Mark Buckshon
who died with a smile on his face, the tense of his piece changed and
Michael Sasges turned into a running sore and had to be wrapped in
swaddling clothes.
" 'Leave me behind,' he begged. 'Save yourselves. I'm finished. I'll
only slow you down.'
"We all agreed and left him propped against a tree with a Thompson
submachine gun and enough ammunition to take some of the filthy
bastards with him when they came. He was a real soldier and a hell of a
traffic attendant, but he died like a fool with the sun in his eyes and his pet
spittoon curled up on his chest.
"Ryon Guedes just went crazy after than and I had to remove his
tongue with my faser.
" 'Thanks, Rick', he said afterward, 'I needed that.'
"Finally we reached the gingerbread city where thousands of simple
farmers toiled in the merciless peppermint winds, tending their flocks of
wheat and barley which roamed far and wide over the peanut brittle plain.
"They took us into their homes, their cupboards, their ovens, and
their stomachs.
"They soothed our fevered brows with gravy, saliva and anti-freeze.
" 'You're just what we've been waiting for said their leaders Marise
Savaria and Lesley Krueger as they dipped Peter Leibik's leg into some
cream of sheep sauce. We need some real men to help free us from our
enslavement to the Big Awful Evil Telepathic Suet that threatens us, the
universe and further expansion of the NHL.
"As they nibbled on our knuckles and raised us to the heights of
erotic frenzy by laving our groins in warm vichysoisse sprinkled with
radioactive coconut I knew we couldn't refuse their request.
" 'I can't refuse your request,' I said, disappearing into the back room
to discuss our plan of attack with Linda Hossie, Robin Burgess and Pemme
Muir. .
"There they let me take off my shirt revealing the sensuous
Sahara-like expanse of rippling muscle that is my chest and, as the rivers of
caribou gravy they poured on it crept amongst the forest-like stands of
thoracic hair drowning early explorers, we decided to disguise Jake van der
Kamp, Doug Rushton, Sue Vohanka, Art Smolensky, Bernie Bischoff, Ed
Cepka, Art Smolensky and Gord Mullin as a local priest to sneak into the
Suet's underground prison destroy it, free its prisoners and bring a winning
athletic franchise of any sort to Vancouver.
"Next morning, with a sky the color of rancid lemon curd and rain
the color of rain, communications officer and riding crop Eric Ivan Berg
assembled te fake priest which was then hidden inside a giant wooden
horse and pulled up the hill leading to the cave entrance by Boyd
McConnell, Ken Dodd and Tom Barnes.
"We waited expectantly then flood of suet poured from the cave,
washed the wooden horse downhill and smashed it to kindling against the
statue we had erected during the night in honor of Sharon Stevenson;
Cheryl Stephens and Larry Manulak, who perished during an epidemic of
terminal thirty second piles then ravaging the surface of Palmer.
"A terrifying voice then boomed from the cave.
" 'That didn't look one bit like a priest to me, ya bunch of
crypto-fascists. Give up you fools, there's more suet where that came from
from, enough to sicken the entire crew of the Enterprize, making them
weak in mind, body and bladder control, until at last they fail into my
toilet bowl and this long, boring piece of drivel will come to an end.'
"At that point in a moment of brilliant improvisation, Greg
Osadchuk, Moe Sihota, Joan Schwartz, Peter Cummings, Hans Buys,
Pemme Muir, Don Peterson, Denise Chong, Pat Kanopski and Dru Spencer,
the Sphincter Sister, decided to use a nearby battering ram as a battering
ram.
"Charging up the hill with granola clenched between their teeth,
asparagus tips fixed and shining deadly in the cold sun of whatever time of
day it was, they penetrated the entrance of the cave and plunged down a
3000-foot vertical drop to their death.
"There at the bottom already oozing over their shattered bodies and
expanding towards its dream of establishing The Greater East Asia Suet
Co-Prosperity Sphere And Charity fund For Sloths Maimed and Disfigured
As A Result Of Jungle Combat, the Evil Telepathic Suet, Don Hubbard,
chuckled insanely to itself while indulging in self abuse.
"And there in the corner lay clean shaven prisoner, Alan Doree,
sharpening Hubbard's pencils to record the conquest.
"Stick with me, kid, said Hubbard as he went gurgling to the surface
and you might get a chance to become The Son Of Suet."
Solzhenitsyn (The Ubyssey, March
22). The stale jargon, hackneyed
phrases and general nonsense that
comprised the article are the work
of a master humourist.
Although she is best known for
her writing, Sharon also excels in
another form of comedy. Those
attending Wednesday's lecture on
Solzhenitsyn were treated to a fine,
albeit unexpected demonstration
of her waggish wit.
Again, many thanks to Sharon
Stevenson. It must take an
awesome amount of dedication on
her part to repeatedly play the fool
for the sole purpose of entertaining
her fellow students.
Does she sing and dance too?
Peter Quiring
science 2
Paul Strickland
grad studies English
best of both crafts with wit and
piercing logic.
And the editorials! Ah, how they
examined the lifeblood of this
campus under a microscope and
stepped back to bring the whole
organism into clear perspective.
The whole paper — brilliant,
witty and politically correct — was
a joy for all readers. In fact, the
only tljing that could possibly be
better is next year's paper.
Thank-you
Lesley Krueger
Fact
Cheers
Just a note in this, the final
edition of The Ubyssey, to say what
a superlative paper it has been this
year.
The articles have been brilliant
and incisive; persipacious and
probing examples of what is best in
journalism.
The photographs have shown
both sensitivity and humour; the
cutlines, an admirable tendancy
towards self-deprecation. Headline
writers have obviously met with
humour writers to bring out the
In the Ubyssey article Pair
Wrangles at Beach by Ryon
Guedes (The Ubyssey March 15) I
was referred to as chairman of the
Wreck (Towers) Beach preservation committee.
I would like to correct this
statement. I am not chairman, nor
does the committee have a
chairman. At the most I have been
a representative for the committee
which has never been, and
probably never will be, a legally
constituted entity.
Save the Beach!
Peter Chataway
Cheers 2
Thanks to the people of your staff
for the good newspaper that you
have out this year. Keep it up next
year.
If you could add a bit of humor, I
don't think the Georgia Straight or
other papers would give you much
competition.
In the past with Gabor Mate,
Arnold Saba and Jim Davies we
were given a few faughs apart
from the usual news.
These kinds of writers are not
easily found; maybe a humor
article contest could be promoted
to help you find such a writer.
Otherwise the paper was excellent.
Thank you for the news.
Blake Whitley
commerce 4
Alan Doree is crying his eyes out
— Eds.
Cheers 3
With the end of the year approaching I would like to take this
opportunity to congratulate you on
having acquired the best journalist
in the history of Canada.
Jake van der Kamp's articles
are extremely interesting and well-
informed and he far outshines all
the other nebishes on your staff. I
am eagerly waiting to read more of
his work next year.
Thank you
Jake vander Kamp
Jake van der Kamp is actually a
pseudonym for Doug Brock,
Nathan Davidowicz and three
members of the UBC Board of
Governors, all of whom have
written articles for The Ubyssey
this year—Eds.
South African history examined
Referring to the letter on Apartheid in the issue of
March 22,1 think "Anonymous" did a wonderful job
of reinterpreting the history of both Southern Africa
and the American continent (North and South);
his/her ignorance of history seemed to be the main
problem of his/her not understanding the situation in
North America (Indians), let alone a land as distant
as South Africa.
Although I am not a history student, I can very well
respond to the question which he/she posed: "When
two populations enter an uninhabited area at the
same time, who has real claim to the land?"
"Anonymous" asked this question in reference to
South Africa; however, South Africa was not
uninhabited at the time the two populations were
struggling over the land. (Also remember that North
and South America had inhabitants before the so
called "discovery" of the New World by Columbus.)
It was not until 1652 when the Dutch East India
Company established a post at the Cape as a stopping
point for ships travelling to and from the East Indies
that a new and greedy element of people was added to
the indigenous population (the Hottentots; the Bantu,
and the Bushmen).
At first the station was intended to be no more than
a supply-post for refurnishing food and other commodities necessary for the completion of the voyage,
but soon the greed and profit motive of the white
settlers superseded that of the original motive for
their being in this area.
A number of these men were released from the
service of the company and started growing crops for
their own profit and this, of course, was the nucleus of
the future white South African population who
brought with them the expectation of a material
standard of living considerably foreign to the in-
dgenous South African peoples, such as the European
conception of individual property rights,, and the
Calvinist religion with stern immoral codes and its
belief in the predestined division of mankind into the
chosen and the damned.
The problems in South Africa are the creations of
people who have minds like "Anonymous", and it's
up to them to correct them, at the same time, the
black and oppressed people will fight for their
freedom till the last drop of blood is shed.
In closing, although "Anonymous" has accused
liberation movements of presenting only "enough of
the truth to. outrage the audience," he himself has not
even presented the truth but has tried to pass off his
personal interpretations as facts.
If "Anonymous" is convinced that he knows the
truths, let him share them with all of us in a public
forum with the African students' association at a
designated place on campus at his convenience.
Joseph C. Blell
African students' association
Why was this man fired?
This is yet another letter condemning the dismissal of Peter
Schwenger from our (?) English
department.
From the number of replies
concerning this pathetic issue, it
appears that something must be
very wrong.
Student apathy being what it is,
it takes some kind of emotional
urgency to spur one on to voicing
one's complaints. Such a sense of
urgency is being felt by all of us
who have benefitted from Peter's
being here.
When are we going to be grated
teachers rather than trivia
researchers?
Peter's sensitivity, awareness,
intellectual insight and, most of all,
concern stands out like a sore
thumb among the tome-lugging
pedants who clog up the Buchanan
tower.
Doesn't teaching have something
to do with this place? He's one of
the best teachers I've ever had!
It's fucking absurd!
Bill Gaston
English 3
Schwenger... goodbye
As members of Peter Sch-
wenger's English 100 class, we
were truly shocked to learn that he
has been denied tenure.
We have found him to have that
rare gift: being a vigorous,
sometimes inspiring professor at
9:30 in the morning. Schwenger's
memorable enthusiasm can't help
but bubble right into his students.
UBC will lose a keen, original
mind. It will lose his considerable
literary insight and his natural
flair for sharing exciting insights.
It will lose a professor who actually
reaches his class, through his
infectious love of literature and his
empathy for his students.
In our opinion UBC will lose one
of the most inspiring and worthy
professors on the campus.
We find it really frightening that
the English department obviously
considers outstanding skill and
enthusiasm linked with outstanding empathy insignificant for
the role of a professor at this
university.
Robert Sheridan Greg Heenan
Anubha Parray    Bruce Martinuik
Alison Wright   Harold Hemmerick
Nancy Deveson
Kanti Bajpai
Melvin Kotyk
John Irving
Jackson Fong
Alison Warner
David Vogt
Brian Jong
Mike Keen
Raymond Mayer
Arthur Pearce
Karen Carlson
Anne Kislinsky
Marilyn Atkey
Greg Crompton
Fred Snow
%.<« Page 6
THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
Pope—anti-semite or ally?
By MARK BUCKSHON
Was Pope Pius XII an anti-semitic hypocrite or a
shrewd ally of Jews threatened with extermination
under Hitler?
John Conway and Leonidas Hill, two UBC history
profs who have written several books and articles on
the papacy, Jews and Hitler, had their own answers
to the question in a campus debate Tuesday.
"The papacy was clearly concerned about
Catholics not Jews" said Hill about the pope's
behaviour during World War II. He said the evidence
— between 500 and 700 diplomatic documents in
Rome and Berlin — shows this one-sided concern
clearly.
The documents do not show papal concern about
the welfare of Jews and other "non-Aryans" said Hill.
"I do think his (the Pope's) prime consideration was
the church ... the priesthood and all the institutions
physical of the church," he said.
But Conway suggested Hill was falling into a faulty
dramatic myth which grew shortly after World War
II ended. "This makes a very interesting play. Unfortunately the dramatists took license with the
facts," he said.
"We still would agree Pius XII is a complex figure.
"He (the Pope) could only see the world in
pessimistic terms" so he did what he could to "save
what could be saved," said Conway.
And in fact the pope was able to save thousands of
baptized "non-Aryans" through immigration
programs after 1938, he said. The papacy negotiated
with reluctant nations like Brazil to house those
fleeing from the Nazi crushers, he said.
This silent help was all the pope could provide
considering his "real power limitations" Conway
said. He noted the recent Catholic church crisis about
birth control which he said was a real example of the
papacy's power limitations over its own constituents,
let alone outside powers.
Conway suggested the pope could be compared to
Neville Chamberlain as a person who felt he could
negotiate with Hitler. "This I think was a serious
delusion but I don't think we should deny he held it,"
said Conway.
Hill began the debate by outlining several facts
which Conway did not dispute.
He said Hitler's treatment of the Jews could be
divided into four phases.
The first, between 1933 and 1935, was one of
"discreet legislation" where Jews were evicted from
certain professions and social rights.
This phase was followed by the 1935-8 Nuremburg
Laws which "separated the Jews from the
population."
The third and fourth phases, between 1938 and 1941
and 1941-1945 respectively, represented eras of
deportations and at last "the final solution" of extermination camps and organized executions
beginning in May, 1941.
Hill said historians aren't certain Hitler's extermination plans were pre-set. He suggested
possibilities for international negotiations remained
at least until the final phase and the pope might have
been able, if he acted forcefully, to stem the persecutions and exterminations.
Meanwhile the new pope was rising to power in
Italy under Mussolini.
However, the pope didn't do anything about the
growing Jewish persecutions in Nazi occupied areas
under several political phases within Italy itself.
Thus coercion or realistic political limitations don't
entirely explain the pope's behaviour, he said.
And both Conway and Hill agreed the pope was
aware long before the war had ended that concentration camps existed. At least one bishop in
Hungary had gotten a message through to Rome
explaining the brutalities and tortures going on there.
However, Conway said the pope's lack of response
to the dispatches can be explained simply. "He didn't
believe the dispatches." How can the papacy be
criticized for silence when many Jewish
organizations weren't totally vocal, he asked.
Near the end of the debate, Conway and Hill'
argued about the psychological limitations and moral
responsibilities the pope faced when he received
dispatches announcing the Jewish exterminations.
The pope's view "was that explicit condemnation of
any specific act was to be used by the other side as
propaganda," said Conway.
So "it was the pope's clear view" that he should use
his intervention powers silently and from within the
church to resolve general problems, he said.
He asked "How can you take the risk" of speaking
openly against Hitler and having possibly pre-Nazi
priests in Germany and East Europe breaking away
from the church.
But Hill questioned Conway's arguments the pope
was really doing things silently to help baptized Jews.
He pointed again to the diplomatic evidence which
shows no mention of Jewish extermination but much
concern about church property.
Hill said, in conclusion, the papacy was a special
position which had special moral responsibilities of
sneaking for peace and against Nazi brutality.
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SUMMER PROGRAMMES
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The University of Toronto, in co-operation
with the Universities of Nice and Siena, is
offering degree courses in French language
and literature and Italian fine art, language,
literature and civilization during the months
of July and August.
Further information:
Woodsworth College
119 St. George Street
Toronto, Ontario   M5S 1A9
(416) 928-2400
LOOK!
Prospective
Student
Teachers
and "SCIP" to a new
programme of teacher
training in the Faculty
of Education U.B.C.
In September a new programme is being offered
along with the regular programme for the one year
grad. student. (5th Year
Transfers). Main features
are: more time in school
and direct integration of
University work with
schools. Students will work
with professors and
teachers in teams.
Alternative Programme
will:— 1. Begin practice
teaching early in year, 2.
Timetable in blocks of %
days rather than in classes.
Some blocks left free for
individual study, 3. Base
the course on child development in the school sitb-
ation.
Limited approx. 80 students. Contact Director
of Elementary Division.
Fac. Ed. 228-5227.
Quote "SCIP" (School-
Campus Inter-action
Programme).
B.C. Needs Teachers!
ARE YOU — graduating?
— finishing second year?
— considering teaching as a career?
If you answer "yes" to ANY of these questions
then come to an informational meeting
WEDNESDAY, APR. 3
12:30
ANGUS 110
Officials of the B.C. Teachers' Federation and the B.C. School Trustees'
Association will join with Dr. John Andrews, Dean of Education, and the
Directors of Elementary and Secondary teacher training to answer your
questions on
—the teacher shortage and job opportunities
—how you may become a qualified teacher
—UBC's new teacher training programs
—etc., etc. Friday, March 29,  1974
THE       UBYSSEY
Page 7
1973-74
Student representation
finally happens
By KEN DODD
Well daddyo what happened at UBC when
you went there in 1973-74?
"Well daughter/son lots of really weird
things really, like! learned a little about
life, love, politics, Wittgenstein and some fat
guy named Rick Knowlan running around
campus in his all-together doing something
called, . . .uh. . .yeah, streaking."
"Okay, but what happened, what was
newsy on campus in '73-74, like what was in
The Ubyssey?"
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, The Ubyssey! Well,
there was:"
Student representation.
This was the year when students finally
gained representation at faculty meetings
and on committees. According to senate
guidelines students were given reps numbering between five and 25 per cent of the
number of fatuity members in a given
faculty.
The representation followed a year-long
fight by the arts undergraduate society who
urged equal representation on faculty
committees and in university governance
generally for students, faculty and non-
academic staff.
Reaction from faculties varied from law
allowing students 25 per cent representation
and applied science 16 per cent, to arts with
only five per cent and graduate studies
which was given special permission by
senate to grant only 2.5 per cent.
Senate, dominated by conservative senior
faculty members, voted this exception to
their own principles after graduate studies
dean Ian McTaggart-Cowan said he feared
students with five per cent representation
(60 sUidents) could possibly dominate
faculty meetings. He said often less than 60
ol the 1,200 grad studies faculty members
turned out to faculty meetings.
As well, students in the arts faculty were
only allowed 27 reps (about five per cent)
compared to about 460 faculty members,
and were the only faculty where students
were not allowed to conduct their own
elections. They were run by the registrar
instead.
DAILLY criticized
Otherwise, university winter session
enrolment shot over the 20,000 mark after a
three year decline. Administration officials
attributed the increase mainly to many
students returning after taking time off
their studies.
AMS president Brian Loomes attributed
the increase to students discovering how
shitty the real world is and scurrying back
to academia in resigned retreat.
The search for administration president
Walter Gage's successor continued and
deputy president William Armstrong
remained the unofficial favorite of the
selection committee, holding the support of
the liberal wing. Kenny, agricultural
sciences dean Michael Shaw, chemistry
department head Charles McDowell and
pharmaceutical sciences dean Bernard
Riedel are battling it out for the favorite's
role of the conservative wing.
The administration was also upset when
the provincial government refused to grant
more operating funds to UBC and other
provincial universities until the campuses
show they are prepared to become more
involved with the community.
Continuing education director Gordon
Selman charged the university was not
paying enough attention to part-time and
community studies and said the continuing
education centre's governing council is a
failure largely because faculty council
members are divisive and unco-operative.
The provincial government continued to
waffle over the issue of education.
Education commissioner John Bremer,
hired to suggest changes to secondary and
post-secondary education in B.C. was fired
in January after less than a year on the job.
Education minister Eileen Dailly said
Bremer was implying many viewpoints to
the public that were not necessarily those of
the government.
Before he was sacked Bremer produced a
working paper on university governance
that notably recommended the board of
governors be completely controlled by
community representatives with no
provision made for student or faculty
members, while senate would be controlled
by faculty and students only.
The commission later, with Walter Young,
former UBC political science department
chairman in command, heard briefs from
several campus groups during hearings
here in late January.
In March Dailly received much criticism
tor alleged inaction by her department in
solving education problems. She defended
her department's record saying education
problems in B.C. were more difficult to
solve than she first thought and said her
department needed more time to hash out
reforms. Critics point out Dailly has been
directly involved in B.C. education for more
than 20 years as a teacher, school board
member and chairman and NDP education
•critic under the Social Credit.
If she doesn't know by now what needs to
be done to improve B.C. education, she must
be incompetent and should either be
replaced or resign, the critics say.
Clive Lytle, a B.C. Federation of Labor
official, was appointed by the cabinet to the
board  of governors   in   March  replacing
BULLDOZERS threatening Wreck beach
provincial court judge Les Bewley, whose
term expired in October.
As usual the campus had its share of
scandals over the performance of department heads. Music department head Donald
McCorkle and English head Robert Jordan
received most of the criticism.
McCorkle watched in apparent isolation
as his department crumbled with both
professors and students rebelling against
his alleged dictatorial and authoritarian
administrative methods. By session's end
McCorkle is threatened with a libel suit
from a student, increasing resignations by
faculty members and a large number of
professors have called for his resignation.
Kenny is currently hedging on McCorkle's
status as a report from music professors
calling for a re-assessment of the situation
sits on his desk.
Meanwhile in the English department,
head robert Jordan, who was a centre of
controversy during a bitter tenure dispute
two years ago, found himself back in hot
water over two issues.
First, Jordan received flack after
Carleton English prof Robin Mathews, a
leading advocate of Canadian-first hiring
practices, accused Jordan of conducting
interviews with American applicants for
English department positions before the
jobs were advertised in prominent Canadian
academic journals, as required by UBC
senate procedures.
Later Jordan got involved in another
tenure dispute as he denied tenure to
English prof Peter Schwenger. A second
prof was also denied tenure but has asked to
remain anonymous pending an appeal.
As well, women's studies instructor Annette Kolodny, an English prof, submitted
her resignation saying she had repeatedly
found her intellectual teaching abilities
stifled by the depressing atmosphere of the
English department.
Student politics took a surge to the right
with the resignation of leftist Alma Mater
Society executive members Stan Persky
and Diane Latta in September, and the
election of conservative candidates George
Mapson and Doug Brock to replace them.
After a left/right split on the executive
throughout the session, the conservative
Students Coalition slate featuring Mapson.
Brock and old-perennial Gordon Blankstein
as president swept the seven-member
executive in January elections, ensuring
that next year's executive will reflect even
more of a rightist tinge.
One of the most amusing and/or pathetic
performances of the year came during the
AMS election campaign when Joan Mitchell,
the successful Students Coalition internal
affairs candidate campaigned with obvious
doubt in her intellectual abilities, telling
people "thereare two ways I can solicit your
vote, but I prefer to talk to you."
Mitchell's office phone number is 228-5466
if you have any comment.
Also pending, as it has been for more than
six months now, is a report from provincial
housing minister Lome Nicolson on the use
of the University Endowment Lands.
Nicolson, who advocates a housing-park mix
for the lands first promised the report early
last fall.
Also our little peninsula has occasionally
been visited by emissaries of reality bearing
tales of the world east of Blanca.
Actually, the year was a comparatively
lean one for off-campus speakers but we still
saw the likes of feminist author Jill Johnston, behavioral psychologist B. F. Skinner.
Hortensia Allende, the widow of deposed
Chilean president Salvatore Allende.
renewed Canadian sinologist Paul Lin.
former Tory cabinet minister George Hees
(promising carrots for industry or
something), four inmates from Matsqui
penitentiary, burned-out SDS'er Rennie
Davis fronting for the Guru Maharaj-ji and
Canadian economic historian Leo Johnson.
And as usual, reporting the scene for the
55th year was The Ubyssey. often-praised,
often-damned but always read, whose staff
recently elected Lesley Krueger as editor
for 1974-75. taking over from retiring
poobahs Mike Sasges and Vaughn Palmer.
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Resurrection Vigil
Christians — if you believe that Christ is alive
and on campus . . . assemble Friday, April 5
in SUB Auditorium at 12:30 (sharp) for a
silent Easter Vigil and March. Page  8
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
CIA helps Idi Amin
From page 3
underground," he said, calling it
an obvious attempt to incite racial
violence."
He said that while Canadian
corporations assist the fascist
governments and steal the
resources from the people of the
countries, the Canadian government frees them of the burden of
taxes on their exhorbitant profits.
Carlson said the situation in
Uganda supports the contention
that racism is not the primary
issue in the exploitation of Africa.
In Uganda, he said, the CIA in
the service of American imperialist interests and Israeli
economic expansionism who were
both interested in developing
Ugandan mineral wealth,
engineered a coup putting Idi Amin
in power. He said western news
agencies suppressed information
about the murder of four
Americans by Amin's fascist
regime because such publicity
would hinder the U.S. economic
policy there.
'Learn the facts and act on
them, but don't condemn one
dictator while you support other
fascist regimes," he said.
He said the policy toward blacks
was clearly stated by Cecil Rhodes
in parliament in 1884 when he said
Africans would have to give up
their tribal occupations and turn to
daily labor for British imperial
interests.
Speaking at the law library
Tuesday, Carlson suggested
Canadians should enforce trade
sanctions against Rhodesia,
Mozambique and South Africa and
test in court the sanctions
resolution which Canada supported
in the United Nations in order to
meet international treaty
obligations, uphold human rights
and bring to an end wage
discrimination based on racism.
They should press the government to remove tax exemptions
and other inducements to corporations such as Bata Shoes,
Rothmans and Massey-Ferguson
which he said' 'have discovered the
world is divisible — you can exploit
some of the people, much more
profitably than others."
He said the corporations public
relations departments claim that
their investments will improve the
economic   status   of   the   black
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workers yet after the Sharpeville
Massacre "capital flew the
country".
Corporate withdrawal from
South Africa will not harm the
blacks who say "such suffering is a
price we are willing to pay, it is a
price we pay every day" but will
harm the ruling white class.
He added that Rhodesian blacks
are not just concerned with
money: "They want self-
government and Portuguese
military officers recognize the
futility of a military solution
saying: " 'We will never defeat the
freedom fighters.' "
Carlson explained how he came
to renounce his citizenship and
leave South Africa in 1971 where he
had been subjected to
harrassment, threats and attempts
on his life as a result of his efforts
as a defense laywer to Namibians
charged on the various laws used
to suppress every kind of dissent.
He was termed a terrorist under
a statute which defined terrorism
as treason which was: doing
anything to embarrass the administration of the affairs of state,
or encouraging any political aims
for social or economic change.
Good luck on your exams
and have a happy summer!
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THE      U BYSSEY
Page 9
High priced housing feared for Kits
Unless something is done to prevent it,
Kitsilano will be built up in favor of higher
income groups, a West Broadway Citizens
Committee spokesman said Thursday.
The spokesman told The Ubyssey low and
middle income families, students, and
senior citizens are being forced our for high-
priced condominiums for the rich.
"The development companies are planning to put in high-rises with suites worth
$50,000 apiece," he said. "And if students
and other people are forced out of Kitsilano,
they will have to be looked after some other
way."    '■';.
"If Kits is eliminated as a place for
student housing, they will have to look
elsewhere and there will probably be a
widespread rent raise all over the city," he
said. "And the university endowment lands
might be next."
If there were a sudden influx of students
without housing, he said, UBC would
probably have to build more residences or
apartment buildings.
"If you lose one source of housing, the
housing situation gets worse," he said. "The
only way to stop it is to nip it in the bud."
"Residents of Kitsilano are not opposed to
development," he said. "But they would like
to be able to still live in Kitsilano."
The spokesman singled out land developer
Gerald Gales and his company as the worst
offenders. Even though Kitsilano has been
rezoned to prevent construction of buildings
more than three stories high, Gales has been
the only developer in Kitsilano who has
refused to scale down his high-rise project.
"Gerald Gales is insensitive toward the
residents of Kitsilano," he said. "Although
he can't break the law, he is going the law to
its farthest extent."
"Gales is quite willing to fight it out in
court," he said. "And inevitably it will have
to be fought out in court."
"The committee has a legitimate beef and
it concerns other people," he said. "They
want those other people to know about that."
A recent committee newsletter says a
highrise in Kitsilano will act "as a blockbusting device to increase pressures on
surrounding homeowners to sell out to
developers." This provides opportunity, the
newsletter continues, for absentee landlords
and developers to buy up and empty
surrounding property. Allowing a highrise
to be built here, it says, "will increase
pressure to have the area upzoned in 12
months — January 1975 (next zoning
review)."
The committee spokesman said
shopkeepers and other small businessmen
would also be overrun by such construction.
"Small shopkeepers will lose out to the
condominiums," he said. "Inevitably it
means pulling up roots."
Park board to court today
The Vancouver park board will ask today in B.C.
Supreme Court for an injunction to prohibit the
protesters from stopping erosion control work on
Towers Beach.
Beach preservation committee spokesman Peter
Chataway, said Monday he will be in court and oppose granting of the injunction.
An outdoor exhibition of sculpture and landscape
performances entitled Towers Beach — washed up,
will be held April 1-6 in the foreshore park on Marine
Drive adjacent to the- Towers Beach path.
Alma Mater Society council voted Wednesday to
Delay makes majority difficult
support Chataway in his objections to the erosion
control scheme.
Council members agreed not enough research has
been done on the project and other means of stopping
erosion which will not destroy the appeal of the beach.
But not everyone is in favor of altering the current
plans. The Alumni association has told the park board
its membership of 65,000 is in favor of the project and
wants it to proceed as soon as possible.
Work on the project has been halted since March 4
and the delay is costing the city $700 a day in idled
equipment and salaries for guards watching the
equipment.
From page 1
"We are confident we can get a
majority at this point," she said.
But the "incredible delay" between the time application Dec. 14
and the board's reply Thursday
has made the job more difficult,
she added.
Lundy charged the board with
using "deliberate delaying tactics" in an attempt to avoid certifying the union.  She  said  the
board may have hoped to stall until
the number of signed up AUCE
members drop below a majority
of eligible employees.
"The AUCE is a new independent trade union. LRB
members all represent traditional
unions. They just could be opposing
our application on that grounds,"
she said.
If this interpretation is correct
the board has been acting "contrary to government policy to help
*
workers achieve the conditions
they need to live a decent life," she
said.
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Hours:
12:30 - 2:30 p.m. Monday - Friday plus additional hours as
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Salary   — Discussed  in  interview — call  Leona  Doduk,  UBC
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THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
Aspinall 'splendid'replacement for Kolodny
By DOUG RUSHTON
Annette Kolodny, who is leaving
UBC's English department and the
highly successful women's studies
program, says her replacement is
"splendid" and "an excellent
teacher".
She was referring to Dawn
Aspinall, who has been at UBC for
18 months teaching Canadian
literature.
Aspinall said Wednesday she is
delighted with her new post in the
women's studies program.
"Interdisciplinary studies are an
attempt to get away from the
grocery store type of university
where students throw course 'tins'
into a shopping cart," she said.
As an interdisciplinary program,
Aspinall said, women's studies is a
departure from the traditional
concept of separate disciplines and
concentrated study within each
discipline.
"The interdisciplinary program
is in a sea of tightly locked
disciplines with people bent on
preserving them," she said.
"Behind the notion of a discipline
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there are ideas or methodologies
that are techniques of analysis that
can't be ignored.
"The (women's studies)
program is a rational balance of
these specific methodologies and
the  interdisciplinary  approach."
Kolodny said Wednesday the
students in her seminar are writing
a book on women's studies.
"This is an indication of the
quality of the work that is done,"
she said. "It will be the first major
study of contemporary North
American women writers."
She said two publishers have
already expressed interest.
Kolodny, who says she is leaving
the English department because it
has no room for her academic
abilities, is about to have a new
book published. Kolodny said her
book, The Lay of the Land, is the
result of five years research.
"It is an analysis of the
vocabulary for describing and
responding to the North American
landscape."
Aspinall was involved in the
- women's movement in Toronto and
helped set the Canadian women's
educational press.
"But one doesn't have to be a
feminist to teach in the program,"
she said.
"However one must have had
contact with the research and
discipline of Canadian literature."
Aspinall said men would benefit
from taking the course. "One can
get an understanding of men's
cultural and sexual roles," she
said.
"You can work to make changes
in society or else be a  passive
victim of that role which applies to
both men and women."
She said these roles are largely
the result of the language society
uses. "The official language in our
society is a sexist language and
what these women writers (taught
in the course) are doing is attempting to create a counter
language which expresses their
experiences and perceptions.
"Developing a counter language
is a way of liberating consciousness.
THE THUMB IS THREATENED.
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AOSC/Room 100B, Student Union Building, 224-0111
Association of Student Councils Gala celebration
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APRIL 1974
PRICE $10
WITH OLIVE $11
THE MAGAZINE FOR MONEY
Ernest Hemingway
a new short story
Jean Paul Sartre
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Hermoine Gingold
a boring person
Plus:
Were the Marx Brothers
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W..U-."_f_l-,£_e*_#*«.*N iH THE MAGAZINE F.
THE MAGAZINE FOR MONEY
CONTENTS FOR APRIL, 1974 volume lxxxixqt no. 357,
WHOLE No. 7,159
ARTICLES
I'm Ok, You're Ok, but the guy on „••.__
the Left is Bananas  Richard Speck I57j
Joy of Masturbation Dag Hammarskjold 158
Dr. Goebbels Revolutionary Diet Arnold Hilter. 457j
You Should Change Your Underwear
Every Three Days, At Least Juan Peron 890
The Making of "On the Buses"  Nathan Davidowicz 679
FICTION
I'd Rather Eat Shit than at the White Spot Cecil B. Demille 567
The New Flatulence—Boon or Bane John Barrymore 444
I'd Rather Make Water down Truman Capotes
Throat than Chew on S'alvadore Dali's Eyelid,  Mahatma Gandhi 122
What If Esquire Were A Marxist Magazine?  Gerda Munsinger 009
What if Gerald Ford Turned into Phlegm  EricSevereid 144
What If Gordon Blankstein Went to the Doctor? Duog Bork 101
Whatlf Gore Vidal Was an Aluminum Ingot?   Dale Evans 017
SUPPLEMENTS
How to Fire Your Au Pair   The Queen Mother 999
How to Deep Fry Paraguayans Martin Luther Bormann Jr. 232
Second Helpings: Aspects of Cornucopia H. L. Mencken 166
SUPPLICANTS
Cataloguing Catalogues of Catalogues Durwood Kirby 343
The Ten Best Tow Truck Companies in America -. Tugboat Annie 909
The Ten Best Singing Cowboys in America Alexander Solzhenitsyn 767
Rory Calhoun Lives. Barely Mrs. Rory Calhoun 090
The Wasteland Look The Wright Triplets 888
DRIVEL
Poo Poo Bobby Gimpy 155
Jaundice ~ Derek Sanderson 187
Discharges General William Westmoreland 000
Epic Verse Lyndon Brains Johnson 001
WEARABLES
Sound and the Fury Hardial Blankstein ill
Tales told by Idiots  Hardly Any Brains 454
Nothing Signified Ivan Pavlov 959
Tomorrow Tomorrow and Tomorrow Pat Nixon 122
SILLY BUSINESS
Petty Pace Mormon Tabernacle Choir 187
The Last Ding Dong of Doom    The Band at the Waldorf Astoria 031
Limericks ._.. The Dali Llama 570
Heroic Couplets  Claude Balles 088
Onomatopea Eddie Shack 880
CRAZY BUGGERS
Wimmen Senator Grattan O'Leary 551
Talking Slop Claude Rains 020
Wimzlib Smith Smythe 111
Yeast Who's Left 233
MORE RUBBISH TO FILL OUT 400 PAGES
ARNOLD GETRICH .... Publisher
Editor:   Don   Getrich.   Managing  Editor:   Tom  Getrich.   Copy   Editors:   Melvin,  Sally,   Bill,  Theodore,   Unis,  Halfoat,
One-Nut, and Misty Getrich. Silly Concept Thinker-Uppers: Herman Khan, Malcoms Mugwump, Copernicus, Hannibal.
Enough of this rubbish. Suffice to say Acquire is a silly magazine published more or less monthly for the purpose
of depicting the life style of a tiny minority of well-paid corporation presidents and F. Scott Fitzgerald throwbacks. In
order that this tripe be interesting to a bunch of social climbing college students occasional articles of literary merit are
included at great expense, but we think that artsy-fartsy stuff isn't really very interesting anyway — not as interesting for
example as articles on what the stars are drinking this month or another tedious fashion feature on the Great Gatsby look
or the Babbit look or the All Quiet on the Western Front.look or the Wasteland look or whatever. So there. The end.
HOLYWOOD
PETE BOGDANOVICH
The_recent deaths of Edward G. Robinson and
John Ford and the imminent demise of Marlene
Dietrich make these past twelve months the most
dismal for Hollywood in some years.
The Little Caesar, the ultimate gangster, starred
in dozens of films in the forties, fifties and sixties,
and was chiefly responsible for turning the B movie
into an art form. He died last summer in a sleazy
San Pedro hotel, a penniless, homosexual alcoholic
steamfitter forgotten in the end by all his so-called
friends.
Marlene is simply the greatest voice of the century. She was also a great acting talent; not even
Greta Garbo came close to her. Thus, when she dies
sometime this year, she will be sorely missed.
Ford, who was 79, was perhaps the greatest
director in the history of motion pictures. In addition to turning out great westerns with clock-like
regularity since the forties, Ford has influenced
modern film-making in a way no other director can
claim to, not even the legendary Howard Hawks,
who is perhaps the greatest director in the history of
motion pictures^
It is well known that David Lean got most of his
inspiration for his epic Doctor Zhivago from the
films of maestro Ford. As a matter of fact, the scene
where Zhivago is riding out of town on a horse is a
direct tribute to Ford, who, as his trademark, had
someone galloping out of town on a horse in almost
every one of his movies.
Lean, perhaps the greatest director in the history
of motion pictures, is not the only great
moviemaker indebted to Ford. No less a figure than
Raoul Walsh, perhaps the greatest director in the
history of motion pictures, has confessed admiration for Ford's work. Speaking some years ago
at a dinner party held at the home of Josef Von
Sternberg — perhaps the greatest director in the
history of motion pictures — to raise money for all
the poor starving people in the underdeveloped
nations of the world, Walsh remarked: "I thought
Rio Lobo was pretty good." It may not sound as if he
was ecstatic about it, anyone who has been around
Hollywood a while will realize that is about as enthusiastic as Walsh ever got about anything.
The only time I actually ever met John Ford was
at a pool party at the home of Orson Welles, a
mutual friend. Welles, who is perhaps the greatest
director in the history of motion pictures, introduced the two of us.
After talking for a bit about what Hollywood was
coming to nowadays, our conversation turned to the
subject of great directors in the history of motion
pictures. I told him I thought Rio Lobo was pretty
good, and was his best picture. Then I said to him,
"as a matter of fact, I think you are perhaps the
best director in the history of motion pictures."
He looked down, a bit embarrassed by the compliment. "And you, Mr. Bogdovanovich, are in my
opinion perhaps the greatest director in the history
of motion pictures."
So there you have it — from the great John Ford
himself. $
—    <_*:. Vs
A
UNIVERSITE DE MONTREAL
LEARN FRENCH WHERE FRENCH
IS AT HOME
eCOLE FRANCAISE D'ETE 1974
JULY 2nd — AUGUST 9th
In the largest French-speaking university on the continent,
you learn FRENCH where FRENCH is at home.
METHODS: The latest audio-visual methods are used with
beginners; advanced students work in seminars.
ADVANCED LEVEL: Special attention is given to English-
speaking French teachers, to students of French literature
and to people wishing to know more about Quebec.
LIVING ACCOMODATIONS: Rooms are available for men
and women in student's residences.
ACTIVITIES: French-Canadian life is discovered through
folksinging evenings, theatre visits, excursions into the
typical Quebec countryside and sightseeing walks through
historic old Montreal. Facilities for sports activities.
BURSARIES AVAILABLE: L'Universite de Montreal has
been selected as a participating Institution in the Federal-
Provincial bursary program for Canadian students who
wish to learn French as a second language.
Booklet on request:
SERVICE DEDUCATION
PERMANENTE
CP. 6128, Montreal 101, Quebec, CANADA
Medical-Dental Suites
AVAILABLE
FAIRMONT MEDICAL-DENTAL COMPLEX
* suites ranging from 400 square feet to a possible single
floor clinic
* will build and partition to suit
* both   buildings   air-conditioned   with   ample   patient
parking
* located on West Broadway minutes from downtown and
less than half a block from Vancouver General Hospital
* drug and optical facilities are located in building on the
main floor
M
E
P
C
M.E.P.C. Canadian Properties Limited
1200 West Pender Street
Vancouver, B.C.
681-9474
ACQUIRE; J&ML      2 What's
the greatest living philosopher (s)
up to lately?
An interview by Howie Meeker
Worrying about the playoffs, their contract,
and the upcoming season
fi\j
A'
cquire's token Canadian writer, Howie
Meeker, recently toured Europe to determine
the Canadianness of European hockey which was
stolen from Canada during the War of Jenkins'
Puck. He was introduced to a pair of prominent
French left wingers with whom Howie decided to
conduct a Canadian-style impromptu interview.
Howie Meeker: Well you kids certainly look like a
couple of fine pro prospects guaranteed to bring the fun
back to this wonderful game we Canadians invented and
you Europeans stole. What are your names?
Jean-Paul Sartre: Jean and Paul Sartre, though our
friends call us the existentialist twins.
H.M.: Gee, that's great. When did you fine-looking
youngsters break into the big leagues?
J.-P. S.: Twenty years ago with the Parisian Catalytic
Concepts of the Indo-European Hockey League.
H.M.: I wonder if you'd tell the youngsters what it's
like to have all-star status?
J.-P. S.: Well it's really something — you know the
fame and all — but we guess the really noticeable thing
about it is the tendency to keep looking over our
shoulder to see who's coming up behind us.
H.M.: Dislodge you from the standings as it were?
J.-P. S.: Yes, you might say that although we'd prefer
to postulate that one must be ever on guard against
becoming mired in too rigid a system of philosophy. We
remember a few years back there was this young kid
down in the French Philosophy Team farm system Ti
Christ sur la Merde. Boy, everyone thought he was going
to streak to the top. The kid had all the moves. Postulate
here, formulate there, good at dialectical infighting,
stylish — he could turn a phrase with the best of them.
H.M.: Golly, that's really something. What ever
became of him?
. J.-P. S.: He gave it all up to become a steamfitter. It
may have been a wise choice. Who knows?
H.M.: That's really interesting. That bit about always
being on the lookout for people coming up behind you
reminds me of that great hockey book ghost written by
Stan Fishier. The Wall: The Moose Vasco Story. You
know. . . .
J.-P. S.: Ah, yes The Wall. When we saw what a success that one became, we laughed so hard we cried. Of
course we've ghost-repudiated all that know.
H.M.: Well, I guess that's all in the game. Tell me,
about the awards you've won over the years?
J.-P.S.: Yes, I guess you could say the Nobel. . . .
3      ACQUIRE: APRIL
H.M.: The Nobel Cup, eh? Boy that must have been
one of the greatest thrills of your lives!
J.-P. S.: Yes, Howie, that was one of the biggest thrills
of our lives. You know you can work all your life but
nothing equals the thrill of recognition by your peers. Of
course, from a phenomenonological viewpoint we had to
turn it down.
H.M.: Well gee, what else could you do? I'll tell you
one of the reasons you guys have developed into the stars
you are, is that distinctive style of yours. When did you
first develop it?
J.-P. S.: Well, we first got into philosophy because our
Dad Gordie was always sitting around the house
postulating or indulging in dialectic with our mother.
But we stumbled on existentialism ourselves, largely by
accident. Simone and us were having squid sandwiches
in a little cafe one day when we hit on this piece of
gristle. In that moment we realized Life is a piece of
gristle: A little hard to chew, damn hard to swallpw,
even more difficult to excrete, but you have to put up
with it at all costs. On reflection that may sound like a
pile of shit, but at the time it helped us forget the tentacle'
lodged in our esophagus. From this comes the existential
slogan 'I exist therefore I am', which is a nice turn on
Descartes' "I think therefore I bore'.
H.M.: Golly, that's catchy!
J.-P. S.: It's sure helped sell a lot of T-shirts.
H.M.: Say, what strategy has been the most successful
for you fellas over the years?
J.-P. S.: Free will without question. A good free will
man can have the argument sewed up before the
determinist has his basic axioms together.
H.M.: Gee whiz, you talk better than Frank Mahovlich
shoots. Do you think the league should make helmets'
mandatory?
J.-P.S.: Again, no question. This business isj
dangerous. We'd say anyone not wearing helmet, can
and mouthguard is looking for trouble.
H.M.: How do you fellas think your team will finish in
the league standings this season?
J.-P. S.: Well, we're currently tied with the Germans
in the over-all Indo-European League standings and
we'll probably make the playoffs. With Voltaire as
playing coach and Rousseau as team captain it's hard to
lose, but that Hegel-Heidegger-Kant line has really
buoyed up the sluggish German offence. And of course
philosophy wise there aren't many harder working
players than Karl Marx.
H.M.: Well, heck you're doing good to get mileage out
of people who are dead.
J.-P. S.: Well, who can say really? Their ideas live on.
H.M.: But Voltaire? Gee, I think he played before
expansion. Why I can't even remember who won the
Stanley Cup that year.
J.-P. S.: You must realize the philosophy season is a
bit longer than most. Debates tend to go into overtime,
as it were, the record being a period short of eternity
Besides no one really wants to start the playoffs before
they've got their basic assumptions down pat. We have
set a date for the playoffs some time around the Second
Coming of Christ but since half the teams deny the
existence of the league, not to mention the existence of
Christ, it tends to leave the playing schedule rather open
ended. ...
H.M.: What teams do you see challenging you in the
standings in years to come?
J.-P. S.: The Americans definitely. We know they are
only a British expansion team but given the trend of
modern reality, how can they fail with thinkers like
Hugh Hefner, John Wayne, Wallace Beery, Gene Autrey.
Euell Gibbons, Charles Reich, Anita Bryant, Alvin
Toffler, Eric Hoffer, Lloyd Cooney and Pat Boone''
H.M.: Now guys, I'm sure the fans reading at home
would like to know what you really think of the Canadian
team.
J.-P. S.: I've read the scouting reports and they've
some pretty fine kids there: Pierre Berton. Joey
Smallwood, Elwie Yost, Jean Drapeau, Ed Hatoum.
Karen Magnussen, Gordon Blankstein, and Peter C.
Newman. But you must realize they're all under age
though we understand the Americans are trying to sign
Marshall McLuhan despite his prepubescent status.
That wouldn't have been permitted in Epicures' day.
H.M.: l realize it's a long way ott but what do you look
forward to next season?
J.-P. S.: We're all waiting for Godot to come out of
retirement of course. His contract negotiations have
gone on long enough though we understand from his
agent, Marcel Marceau, that he's narrowed his demands
to a more perfect explanation of the cosmos and. of
course, a five-year, no-trade, no-cut contract. Silly way
to carry on.
Otherwise we think perhaps some inter-league play
should be organized with the East Asian League or some
such thing. Personally we're getting rather sick of
debating these bush league Indo-Europeans. We mean,
you get a good dialogue going with the Germans and then
the stupid buggers declare war on you and that ends it.
H.M.: Do you see the style of play changing over the
years?
(Continued on page 7) Zinc Bar
As Big
As The Ritz
by Ernie Hemingway
ed. by Mary Hemingway
The following represents the
gathering together of a mass of
manuscripts of Ernest Hem-
mingway, by his still alive wife-
widow Mary Hemmingway, which
was sent down to a New York
publisher to receive a rejection slip
from another magazine.
"That was no lady,
that was my wife"
—Gertrude Stein
in conversation
The waiter brought a glass half-filled with
Pernod, and it turned chalky yellow when I
poured water into it. He put another saucer down
and moved on to the next table. The Pernod
tasted like licorice, and the waiter put an ice
glass of Cinzano in front of an American woman
sitting across from me.
She was small and dark with good teeth that showed
when she smiled. She was at that age and social level
where women decide to go out drinking without their
husbands.
I smiled back at her and pointed to the square.
"Do you come here for the view? I asked. The side
terrace of the Lilas was covered in vines and overlooked
the square. The square was lined with trees and in the
summer you could sit and drink in the shade and feel the
sweat on your face.
"No, I like to watch the waiters," she said. "They're
splendid. Watch the one over there." The waiter at the
end of the terrace held a full tray over his head with one
hand and opened two bottles of wine with the other while
he held them between his knees.
She laughed and looked back.
"What do you like about the place?"
"The potato salad here is the best you could find
anywhere."
"Is it true Dumas the Elder drank here?"
"The waiters tell me they still have some of his unpaid
bills."
We finished our drinks and when it got cooler we went
into the bar, which was made of rosewood and zinc with
posters on the wall. The bartender was very good and
told us he stocked twenty-two different kinds of scotch.
Standing and drinking at the bar was pleasant because
there was music in the evening and the sandwiches at
the bar were cheap and good.
That night when we got drunk in my room she was wet
and hot-bellied, and we had to put a pillow under her
buttocks to make it work. When I woke up it was morning and she was still asleep. I looked around and saw
my pillow was gone, and I got dressed and went downstairs.
I stopped at the desk and asked the concierge and
asked for an envelope. The concierge found one. I took a
hundred franc note from my pocket, put it in the envelope, sealed it, and handed it back to the concierge.
"If my fiance in two twenty-six asks for me, will you
give her this?" he said. "If she leaves with another
gentleman, will you save this for me?"
I went out into the terrace and saw Bill Adams sitting
at a table. He was drunk and happy.
"Ah, the prodigal nephew returneth," Bill said.
"You old bum."
"Sit down and drink with me, nephew, and I will give
you the secret of eternal youth and prosperity."
I sat down and the waiter brought some vodka and
champagne in a bucket full of salted ice.
"Something I acquired a taste for years ago," he said.
"Champagne a la russe. Rotgut."
"Champagne a la russe is the opiate of the people.
Let's go trout fishing in Pamplona, nephew."
"All right, let's."
*****
It was a bad day. The picadors worked very badly and
their padding got in the way. They had missed the big
hump of neck muscle on the fifth bull and one of them
had hit a lung instead. It was a fine, big bull with high,
straight horns, and the crowd whistled in disgust when
they saw him cough up blood. The sobresaliente was
green and you could see that when the bull knocked down
a picador and his horse and the sobresaliente was not
there for the quite. Blood and entrails fell out of the
horse's side when the bull charged again and lifted its
hind quarters off the ground. They whacked the horse's
other side with a pic while the banderillero tried to get a
dart in the bull's withers. He hit the morille but the bull
shook it loose and caught him in the groin with a
varetazo. Finally the sobresaliente took the bull. He
moved the cape in two good naturales but was afraid to
expose himself and he did not keep the proper mano bajo
when he moved the cape in a veronica. The morillo stood
out from the bull's neck and had not been properly
weakened yet. The sobresaliente did not know how to use
the muleta and could not lower the bull's head for the
kill. He tried a bajonazo in the throat, avoiding the bull's
horns but hitting bone. The bull caught him in the next
pass with a comada in the armpit. Hijo de puta, the
crowd hollered. Son of a bitch.
A few days later at the Closerie des Lilas I saw Scott
again and he apologized for getting drunk before and
said French vermouth was poisonous and affected him
strangely. He said he wanted to buy me a scotch and
Perrier to repair our friendship.
"Will you have one with me?" I asked.
"No, this time I'm really going to straighten out and
get some work done," he said. "Zelda and Scotty have
gone boating in Marseilles for a week and that should
give me time to get some work done."
"Did you have a row with Zelda?"
Scott looked hurt and said he was still very much in
love with Zelda and had never slept with any woman but
Zelda. He told me the story of the British aviator she had
fallen in love with after an affair with a Shetland pony. It
was a sad story and it was, I think, true although he had
told me a different version where Zelda had fallen in love
with an American artillery officer. I said it was a good
story and should be used.
We had some sandwiches and a light white wine for
lunch. Scott was doing very well after two glasses of
wine and he talked well about his work for a very long
time. Then he told me he would spent the rest of the
afternoon working and would like me to eat dinner with
him at Michaud's in the evening.
I said Michaud's was expensive and I didn't want to
spend any more of the money Hadley and I had saved up
to go to Spain in the spring. Scott said he had just
received an advance on the story he was writing. He
went back to his flat and I walked through the gardens
by the Musee du Luxembourg to Gertrude Stein's studio
at 27 rue de Fleurus.
Miss Stein's studio was filled with many fine paintings
and Miss Stein herself had beautiful hair and eyes. Miss
Stein was a good friend in my early days in Paris and it
was in a conversation later when she made the remark
about the lost generator. She had some trouble driving
home one night from a dinner party at Evan Shipman's
house on the rue Notre-Dame-des-CJQ_amps and the street
lights were out. The young man who worked in a
restaurant near there and had served in the war said the
generator for the street lights had broken down and
could not be located. The maitre d' reprimanded him
saying, "You are all a generatrice perdue."
"That's what you all are," Miss Stein said. "All of you
who fought in the war. You are a lost generator."
"What do you mean?" I said.
"You are," she continued. "You have no energy for
anything. You are unable to generate.
"Was the young man unable to generate?"
"Of course not."
"Have you ever seen me unable to generate?"
"No. But your friends are unable to. Ford Madox Ford
can't."
"I've been unable to sometimes," I said. "But you
never see me unable to generate."
"A lost generator is a lost generator is a lost
generator."
Later when I wrote my first novel I tried to balance
what Miss Stein said then with a passage from Rip Van
Winkle. But that night going to bed I wondered about
that boy and whether he had ever heard lectures on
social diseases and sanitation when he fought in the
war.
Miss Stein was not at home, but the maid gave me a
glass of eau de vie and I stood and looked at the paintings
in the studio.
When I bought a newspaper and went to Scott's flat to
meet him for dinner the landlord stopped me on the
stairs and asked if I was a friend of the American gentleman on the second floor.
"Could you please ask Monsieur to get out of the
bidet?" he said. "It is very old and it belonged to my
grandfather."
Scott was standing naked with one foot in the bidet
when I went in. He was drunk and he was trying to get
the other foot in. There was water on the floor and the
ceiling.
"This foot basin is marvellous," Scott said. "That
bloody provincial imbecile tried to tell me different, but
I put him in his place."
His legs caved when I pulled him out of the bidet and
his face was the color of suet. He looked at the floor and
the walls and said Zelda had always told him he had
beautiful feet.
"She had always liked my hands, too," Scott said.
"She always said they were the most spectacular part of
my anatomy."
I could see it coming and wanted to avoid it. I did not
want to talk about it again.
"Are you dressed for dinner?" I said.
"Is it possible for a man with a retarded member to
have successful sexual congress?" Scott asked.
"Only if he is a Republican."
"No, seriously, can a poorly-endowed specimen
satisfy a woman?"
"Can a fish swim?"
"This is not a rhetorical question. We can't all be hung
like a twenty-mule-team, you know."
"Like a Shanghai donkey," I said. "Mules are sterile.
Your similes need work. Did Zelda say you were hung
like a hamster again?"
"She said I couldn't satisfy one." $
ACQUIRE: APRIL      4 Cadillacs of the Gods
by Guy Tooloose
Did the gods traverse those great Bolivian highways of old?
You betcha
Since Thomas Jefferson,  the first president to
unearth a radio telescope in an Indian burial
mound because archeology was good therapy for
his   little-known   chronic   postmenopausal
maladjustment  earaches,   archeologists   have
told us the gods of ancient people appeared as
interstellar   encyclopedia   salesmen,   peddling
knowledge, power and double-breasted space-
suits.
Magazines like Popular Archeology, Popular Religion
and   Popular   Genius   popularized   this   entrenched
academic theory. Public support by celebrities like
Teddy Roosevelt, Robert Frost and F. Scott Fitzgerald
added further credence to its stance.
This comfortable pond is being shaken by a ripple of
speculation tantamount to scientific heresy or the
release of loud anal emissions by the bridesmaid at a
wedding altar. The David slinging pebbles among
cerebral giants and occasionally using a derringer, is
Eric von Heineken, an unassuming former University of
Gotterdammerung guest lecturer.
Von Heineken, whose ripple may soon become a tidal
wave backing up intellectual sewers for millenia, boldly
asserts, when sober, our forefathers' gods rode not in
rockets but in nothing more than Cadillacs, with less
ceremony than the mayor of Necrophilia, city of
brotherly exhumation.
Von Heineken, a former waiter in a Victoria
restaurant where he was once kicked savagely in the
groin for poor service by Bette Davis — who left the
restaurant bereft of toenails on her right foot for the set
of her next major film — first presented his idea in
Forum: A quarterly review for the exposition of irksome
theories.
Von Heineken began his archeological career in 1961,
after 14 productive years as a three-ring binder
salesman, when he was sent on the university's Bolivian
expedition as a maitre d'. Near the somnolent, nay
unconscious, village of Piccolo, perched high in the
frozen stone chaos called the Andes, von Heineken made
a discovery equivalent in importance to the first cheese-
flavored dog food factory ever constructed in Colorado.
He found the roads travelled by the Cadillacs of the
Gods.
The rest of the expedition felt the roads, largely of Inca
origin, were direction markers for the low-flying gods to
follow in their rockets from city to city as early aircraft
pilots followed railway lines. They even went to the
ludicrous extreme of suggesting the remainder were
built by the modern Bolivian government, citing such
tenuous ambiguous evidence as macadamized surfaces,
weigh scales and three-way interchanges with a full
gainer.
# Von Heineken astutely pointed out neither the ancient
Incas nor modern Bolivians had the intelligence or
technical ability to perform such miracles as road
building.
Von Heineken also asked, when discussing with
Bolivian police the possibility of his living at the bottom
of a slag pit, "Is it merely coincidence these roads are
just wide enough to comfortably accommodate a
Cadillac? Could this highly improbable relationship be
due to nothing more than chance? Could there be any
other explanation but that the roads were for the
Cadillacs of the Gods? I say emphatically no!"
5       ACQUIRE: APRIL
His colleagues, however, said even more emphatically
yes and von Heineken left U of G to become a free lance
archeologist.
Spurned by journals like Bombast, Hubris and
Disdain, von Heineken moved to Italy, continued to write
in Forum and also The Thinking Man's Racist and
renewed his research with a General Motors grant and
money from a Truman Capote fund-raising salmon and
ice cream party.
There, where Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote his great
American novej and contracted gonorrhea, von
Heineken found proof for his theory in 1963 on the leaning
tower of Pisa.
On the monument's wall was a paint smear identical in
tone to the Venal Blue scheme for that year's Cadillac.
Chemical tests and the entrails of a wombat verified
the connection and von Heineken could only conclude a
Cadillac of the Gods gave the tower its famous tilt in a
collision.
"After all, everyone knows what inept engineers
Italians are," he wrote in Nyah Nyah Nyah-nyah Nyah:
A journal of radical science. "They would hit the tower
too hard and topple it on Vivaldi's orphanage, or miss it
completely and plow into the delicatessen across the
street running over that little old lady in the process. A
god with an international licence was at the wheel of that
Cadillac."
After deportation from Italy, von Heineken moved to
England in 1964, wrote his memoirs in advance
promising publishers to actually live them if they bought
the manuscript, but failed and visited Egypt to resume
proving his theory.
Von Heineken found the pyramids were intended to be
stone models of Cadillacs, but ancient Egyptians were
such poor masons, shiftless workers and heavy drinkers
they kept carving away and ended up with triangular
piles of stone blocks.
A similar fate befell the Sphinx. "After beginning life
as a Cadillac it became an unsuccessful imitation of a
Pontiac," von Heineken claimed.
"Then they tried to turn it into an armadillo, a
mongoose, a herd of Wittfogel's gazelles and finally
settled for the present human head on a lion's body," von
Heineken wrote in his as yet unpublished The Failure of
the Egyptians To Stop Playing Bedouin: A critical essay
on techniques of personal hygiene among nomadic tribes
of the Quattra Depression.
Proof of this was unearthed when von Heineken kicked
the dirt at the Sphinx's base with his toe. This ingenious
and revolutionary excavation technique produced immediate results in the form of a Cadillac hub cap.
Evidence the Cadillacs of the Gods had a retinue of
attendants was found nearby in the form of a string of
Edsel hub caps.
At this point von Heineken's General Motors grant
stopped due to a sales ban on Cadillacs in Italy, forcing
the intrepid archeologist to return to England where he
was savagely kicked in the other groin by Eleanor
Roosevelt for refusing to buy U.S. war bonds.
When von Heineken recovered from the world's first
successful groin transplant, he borrowed money from
lifelong friends Malcolm Muggeridge, Duke Ellington,
Herbert Marcuse and Cardinal Spellman to continue his
work, now at Stonehenge.
There, in a tavern called The Gullet in the drowsy
English village of Glistening Buttocks, von Heineken
made the sensational discovery Stonehenge was actually
a grease pit for the Cadillacs of the Gods.
"The entrance ramp made it obvious, plus the tire
marks and oil stains in the tourist office's nearby
parking lot," said von Heineken on the BBC's Queer
Chappies and What They Say: A Weekly Look At the
State of Controversy, Gardening Hints, Wood Lore and
the Lace Industry in Dorset.
"Your ancestors were remarkable people. Since there
were no roads they had to carry the Cadillacs up to 45
miles to reach the grease pit," he said.
The next day von Heineken travelled to France free in
a manila envelope, courtesy of the British Tourist Board
and The Council For the Preservation of Ancient, In-
triguingly Ugly Objects Discovered by Ancient, In-
triguingly Ugly Cornwall Farmers While Rutting About
In the Earth With Their Plows.
Von Heineken's reputation had begun to spread and he
was met on the dock by a festive French delegation
representing the Second Armored Division, who would
have sped him across France and thrown him in the
Mediterranean with a croissant for a life preserver, had
it not been for the intervention of John Wayne.
Thanks to Wayne, von Heineken was pistol-whipped
with a howitzer then forced to attend a Liberace concert
in Athens.
In Athens von Heineken discovered the Parthenon was
built with the aid of the Cadillacs of the Gods.
"The columns are just big enough to fit in a Cadillac's
trunk," he said while being dragged away by a Greek
military police goat team. "The coincidence is simply
too significant to be overlooked. The Cadillacs of the
Gods must have carried the Parthenon here in
prefabricated sections."
When von-Heineken regained consciousness he found
himself being thrown from a speeding car in front of the
Taj Mahal.
When he noticed the ground was littered with the
remains of half-eaten raisin sandwiches, he realized he
had found the workers' lunchroom in the factory that
made the Cadillacs of the Gods.
Realizing vindication was at hand, he hired workers to
immediately begin clearing away the Taj Mahal in order
to excavate its foundations for signs of the factory itself.
Von Heineken's publishers, Prattle and Sons, recently
received their first correspondence from the celebrated
author since he arrived in India in 1965. It arrived
wrapped in elephant skin and was carved on a lump of
goat cheese with the corner of a footheld brick.
Von Heineken's message said when the anthropologists of the world realized he was one step away
from victory, they bribed Indian officials to leave him
bound by both hands and one foot at the bottom of an
abandoned curry mine in the Himalayas.
Little did they know, his message continued, he was
now about to take that step, for the mine shaft was actually an air conditioning vent for the factory beneath
the Taj Mahal.
"Praise be to Lennox," he concluded. "Soon I will rock
the world with photos taken with the miniature camera
hidden in my front teeth. Enjoy the cheese."
The elder Prattle, recently retired due to the
prolonged ill effects of a savage kick in the groin by
Katherine Hepburn, said von Heineken's triumph would
be like a dream come true and would undoubtedly enable
Prattle and Sons, publishers for 37 years, to sell their
first book.   $ CHRISTINE!
by Norma Jean Mailer
America's wounded angel becomes
the wet dream of generations to come
s
ince MM   is the woman  ne plus ultra of the
50s, whom I became acquainted with in the 70s,
my childhood concubine and present confidante
Christine Jorgenson is the feminine ikon of the
60s.
No other woman of the 60s has such a following,
engendered   such   liberal   attitudes   amongst   North
American gentry. Chrissy is responsible, through her
heroic  operation which   transfigured  her  masculine
psychic into the female body which was in harmony with
the same spirit, for the influence of unfettered liberalism
sweeping through the continent and its people during the
'60s.
In the litany of the North American sub culture, people
began "doing their own thing" as a result of Chrissy's
noble endeavor. Skyjacking, pill-popping, needle-
jabbing, long hair, and homosexuality started
proliferating the continent as the legend of Chrissy
spread like wildfire.
I first met Chrissy back when I was ten and she was
twelve, we played street hockey together at the intersection of 182nd St. and 154 Ave. She played centre
forward for the other team, while I played goal.
It was in the avenues of filth, slime, putrid garbage,
hollow-hearted harlots, and slashing hockey sticks that I
fell in love with my first of many idols. Here was this
beautiful, blonde and blue-eyed Swede sweeping down
the asphalt street, finessing his way down toward me
and my goal, avoiding the many elbows, errant feet, and
little Jimmy Breslin's switch blade as he deftly launched
the dented Campbell soup can into flight which terminated behind me and in the net. I loved him from then
on.
Although we attended the same academic institution,
Chrissy was a year behind me and I did not see him very
often, save the few precious moments I savored while we
urinated together in lavatory 222, the seedy one colored
with a mixture of pink walls and Latin American
graffiti.
I religiously attended all the street hockey games just
so I could watch my Adonis moving sensuously through
the players and scoring goals on me. This practice of
mine continued for some time until I finally gathered
enough of my courage to talk to Chrissy.
He was undoing the want-ad section of the New York
Herald Tribune from his feet — we used newspaper for
hockey pads, skates and toilet paper — when I sat behind
him, and taking the sections of the Wall Street Journal
out from my black cords, started to talk with him.
"Nice game."
"Thanks," he said. "It isn't as hard as it looks."
"Really?"
"Of course, besides you're easy to score on."
Alas, I could not bring myself to speak, the words were
there but didn't come. In fact, it wasn't until I was 15 and
Chrissy was 16 when he discovered how easy it was to
score.
It was the last period of the day at school and Chrissy
and I were playing hockey because it was physical
education. I remember the day well; it was mid
November. The other students had departed while
Chrissy and I remained behind to continue practicing
our hockey skills.
When we entered the dirty changing room, no one but
the two of us, sweating profusely from our energetic
endeavors, were left.
I watched with awe as Chrissy tore off his wet shirt
and sweat pans; my eyes were surveying the smooth,
unflawed, hairless body of Chrissy.
We started at each other's physique in awkward
silence as the shower's effervescent liquid cascaded
over our bodies. Then, Chrissy broke the seemingly
infinite silence: "Can I have the soap?"
"Here," I threw it deliberately at his feet.
"Thanks," he replied, bending over to pick it up.
(Passage deleted for tax reasons.)
Such was the way in which we became friends as well
as lovers.
Our torrid affair lasted for the next two years, or until
I graduated from high school. We didn't see much of
each other; at least, not as much as young lovers are
wont to. Every Tuesday and Thursday, right after our
third class of the day, American Literature, we would
meet behind the old pink-walled gym.
The highlights of our relationship were.when we
stayed over at my parent's house for nights.
The procedure was simplistic itself because Chrissy
was a boy, ostensibly, and thus my parents never
questioned the propriety of him staying the night at our
domicile at 181 Also St.
It would be a Saturday night, the parents having gone
out for dinner and dancing would come back around
11:00 in libated spirits and allow us the luxury of staying
up and seeing the late movie on channel nine. They,
retiring to their own bedroom for their weekly reconciliation — usually hammered out between the sheets.
Chrissy and I would sit together on the big green sofa
in front of the t.v. and play. Normally, I would steal
some of mom's panties, a dress, and an old bra for
Chrissy to wear. Then, if Chrissy had the opportunity, he
would put make-up on his eyes and lipstick on his lips.
Those cherished nights in front of the RCA and a
crackling fire were unforgettable. Yet I believe we had
even more fun in my bedroom later on in those evenings.
We would sneak past my parents' room, hearing their
muffled cries, and go into my boudoir. Sometimes I
would enhance the occasion by stealing a can of Schlitz
from the ice-box which the two of us shared before
getting in bed.
With our spirits buoyed, Chrissy and I got between the
sheets for a night of [this paragraph deleted at editor's
request] with a grapefruit.
Our many nights of burning oil [deleted] continued
until I graduated from school. The relationship probably
would have continued except my parents sent me away
to Europe for my grand tour.
I used to send postcards to Chrissy from London, Paris
and Rome. Pictures of Piccadilly Circus, the Champs
Elyses, and the Coliseum on one side with the reverse
conoting tender missives describing how much I missed
Chrissy end how I would enjoy having his company on
my lonely sojourn. He never returned my correspondence, except once.
I was in Barcelona, picking up money at the Amex
office, when I received the only letter Chrissy sent me.
The letter described how Chrissy had been repeatedly
and brutally beaten up by the Broad Street Bullies. He
was in constant pain from their wound-inflicting punches, knife-thrusts, and whippings. He wrote that he had
decided to get an operation to remove his testicles and
penis to be replaced by a vagina or reasonable facsimile.
The letter urged me to be at his bedside for the
operation and a first-class ticket to New York was enclosed.
I was beside Chrissy at Mt. Sinai within 48 hours,
asking him if he was sure that he really wanted to go
through with the operation.
"Aquarius," he said, looking through his long blonde
locks with his blue yes, "I've never been more sure of
anything in my whole life. I've been more of a woman
than a man, so it's time I assumed the physical qualities
as well."
"Are you sure you can afford the operation, Chrissy?"
"I've lots of money. Lots of money."
"How did you get it? I've had to wait around Amex
offices all over Europe for money from the parents."
"I've been working the southside of Broadway ever
since you left. Amazing what a guy'll pay."
So, Chrissy had been dragging the South side of
Broadway and saving all her money. And she was going
to go through with her operation.
The doctor who performed the operation — transfiguration — was the nationally renowned and highly
esteemed Dr. Organtailor. I met with him just prior to
the surgery.
"Dr. Organtailor," I asked the grey-haired gentleman
eating a quick breakfast of eight fried eggs.
"Yes, and who might you be?"
"Norm, Norm Mailer. Chris Jorgenson's old friend."
"Yes, what can I do for you? We doctors are always in
a hurry. No time to talk to assholes like you. Look, we
eat, sleep and drink our work," he shovelled in another
mouthful of eggs.
"Do you think the operation will be a success?"
"A success? Probably, but then who can tell until after
the operation is completed. What am I doing to her
anyway? Hysterectomy? Lobotomy? Fetectomy?"
"You're giving him a job, Doc."
"A what?"
"A bloody job. You're changing his gender."
"Oh yes, the frustrated one in 426, of course. There
shouldn't be any complications. And you know that even
with a vaginal construction there is no way that he can
conceive. On the other hand, modern medicine can
ensure that the patient will achieve clitoral orgasm."
The operation lasted for sixteen hours because the
surgical team ran into some problem with the pelvic
bone. Dr. Organtailor said they had to rebuild after
Chrissy was fitted with her new apparatus, "So she can
urinate without standing up."
News of Chrissy's operation spread throughout the
nation and she became a sort of folk hero as well as the
butt of many jokes.
In fact, my first encounter with the law was a result of
my defending Chrissy. I was sipping a Pink Lady in an
East Manhattan bar when a burly truck driver asked
me: "Did you hear what happened after Christine
Jorgenson had her operation?"
"No, what?" I replied.
"The cops found out she was kidnapped and are
running around looking for the guy who put the snatch on
her," he laughed.
I woke up three days later and found out I had punched
the truck driver. Except that just made him so mad that
he picked up the nearest table and crashed it over my
head. I spent three months in a body cast.
Chrissy was getting very rich off her royalties. An
energetic entrepreneur made a poster out of one of her
pictures. You've undoubtedly seen it on someone's wall:
the girl urinating in a men's lavatory with the caption
"Women's Lib".
While the youth of America was going through the
motions of the freedom revolution engendered by
Chrissy's operation: long hair, high skirts, dope-
smoking, new politiking devoid of conservative principles, and other hedonistic and liberal exploits; she was
falling in and out of love.
Every day I would read about more and more instances of Chrissy's operation propagating the rising
tide of liberal feelings and actions among the North
American people.
Sane, honest, hard-working citizens would leave "the
sweet life" and go out and hijack an airliner full of
people just to make a protest.
Upstanding, higher echelon people would throw off the
fetters of social conformity and do as they pleased.
The gentry would see the point of homosexuality.
Men dress up as women; women dress up as men.
Girls wear their hair short, men wear it long. All, all
because of the heroic endeavors of Chrissy.
The last time I saw Chrissy was five years ago. She
and her concubine, Dave Bowie, were down in New
Orleans for Mardi Gras when I happened to see them on
the corner of 4th and 5th.
After we had a few Pink Ladies and Golden Cadillacs
at their hotel's bar, we retired up to their room for an
experience I can never forget.
Dave took a bottle of Southern Comfort out of the
closet and we started drinking that, along with some
bizarrely colored pills. Soon, I felt as if we were
travelling.
I awoke in this Utopian land where the inhabitants
were eating lotus leaves and drinking Comfort and coke.
There was the air of a carnival permeating throughout,
and everyone had everyone else in their clutches
copulating. $
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ACQUIRE: APRIL
Those far-out spaced-out freeks
by Tom (No, Not|That One) Wolfe
Tom Bessemer worked in a ticky-tack job for a ticky-tack wage for a
ticky-tack company for a ticky-tack reason. Yet Tom was not like his
foreman who was like the boss, who was like the president, who was like
the company, which was like the men's washroom, which was like the
toilet paper, which was like the toilet seat, which was like the system
which went around without connecting.
Tom was rough, Tom was tough, Tom was different. Tom had escaped
from the scene. From the whole ticky-tack world. And locked the door
behind him. Tom was different because he was into it. Into, into, into it.
The whole thing man. Like you know, like can you dig it. Like wow. The
whole damn thing. The whole apple pie, without worms, like a circle
with no beginning, like Harlem without whiteys, like a dance floor
without old folk, like you know.
And Tom wasn't the only one. He did it with others, with the people,
with all the others who discovered how to beat the system, to roll with
the punch, to walk a dark street without being mugged, without going
into a John, without contracting VD, like life itself.
The people were loose. They were tight. They were out of sight. And
they were together. Like cool, like smooth. And they flowed through life,
through the streets, through the sewers, through the ocean, home.
Tom left his job every day to become one of the people. They met him
coming out of the factories, out of the pits, out of the dates, out of the
barsv out of the strips, out of oppression.
Like hipsters, like hippies, like yippies, like quickies, they were a part
of the American evolution, and Canada too. The children were leading
again, the innocents on top, the dedicated poor against the capitalists,
the welfare folk against government bureaucracy, the P*E*0*P*L*E
against the system they were a part of.
Ecology, neurology, numerology, socialism, emotionalism, communism, botulism, all had their place in the people's system. The
People's system to beat the system through a system. Fantastic, out of
sight, wow, and they were winning, they were triumphant, they were
erect, they were hot on the trail of ultimate surrender. Victory.
They all knew the truth, they all knew because that's why they were
what they were, being or not being, to be or not to be, all for one and one
for all and three for a dollar. And the people faced others and their
problems head on, face to face, navel to navel, knee to knee and well
they knew each other, and all those points in between.
Tom was typical of the person who realized the futility of it all. He
bore the marks the others bore. He bored and they bored. And when he
found the underground he was secure. Tight. With it. On target. Bending, flowing, resisting, giving, making do with what's on hand, with
what was on their hands, with what was on their minds, with everything-
that-was-and-would-be-and-exist-in-this-life which was one of the boring
things which marked the people.
Look at Judy, look at Jane, look at Susan, look at John, look at Dick,
look at Fred, look at all the people. See Dick, see Jane, see Spot, see
Puff. See the people. They all found a new life when they found each
other, found them, they, it, il, ils, vous, dem der, the P—le. Their lives
transformed, transfixed, transcended, transvestite, transported, and
jailed. Yet they understood.
And Dick. The ultimate. Having the life and eating it too. Low-cal and
non-cyclamate. In the morning he sold love potions and newts' eyes, at
night he was life and love and lucid. Dick taught the people all they
know. About the oneness and twoness that existed in the world and about
the threeses and fourses too. What Dick did was to translate the work of
their m-a-s-t-e-r to them. And the master had never been seen, even by
Dick, but the messages were dropped off every day along with the milk
and daily Bird stuff on his doorstep.
And the master was the source of all good, all wisdom, all thoughts of
nice things. And he was, well, he was. And Dick was his chosen voice so
the people listened and prospered and kicked back to show the master
he was wanted. And so the story goes, and that's the way the cookie
crumbles and that's how Tom works and lives and exists and is around,
and here. And that's the end. So there. And the finish, the fini, the
beginning of a cycle. And it is good that it should bore. The burden of life
that is. $
SARTRES LIKE FASCISTS FLYERS
IContinued from page 3)
J.-P. S.: There's a fair amount of controversy over the roughhouse
tactics of the newest expansion team, The Fascist Flyers. Some deplore
them, but face it, rhetoric is as much a part of the game as anything
else. And our friends the Germans have stooped to more than a little
logical inconsistency and "A is not A" tactics over the years. But with
high scoring debaters' rhetoric of Idi Amin, General Franco, Chaing
Kai Shek, Ian Smith, Jerome Choquette and the Greek colonel line of
Papadopolous, Pamplemousseolous and Agnew, they certainly are
names to conjure with. We think a home and home series with them
would be just great.
H.M.: Well golly, it's been nice talking to you fellas, but before we go
do you have any words of wisdom for the youngsters who might be
reading this?
J. 3 . S.: Every youngster should keep practising basic vocabulary,
syntax and logic drills, eat a well balanced diet and work on his or her
oratorical aim.
Any young person thinking of turning professional should consider
going to one of our Jean-Paul Sartre Philosopher Training camps. We're
holding one at the Parthenon this summer and we've got big philosophy
stars like Dr. Joyce Brothers, Norman Cousins, Dom Mintoff, Telly
Savalas, Moshe Dayan, Baroness Nina van Pallandt and Duane Thomas
lined up. There'll be a full program of existential exercises to start the
day, then re-enactments of Plato's Cave allegory every morning,
Biblical dialogues and Kafka's stories every afternoon, and of course
every evening around the campfire one of our experts will work out one
of Zeno's paradoxes right before your eyes.
H.M.: Gee whiz, that sounds really great guys. I'm sure every
youngster will want to consider that. Do you have anything else you'd
like to say to Acquire's readers?
J.-P. S.: No, we have to get back to work on a Peter the Postulate
script for NBC's broadcasts of our upcoming match between the
Swedish and the Italian philosophers.
We understand they've lined up Mike Douglas as color commentator.
Ought to be interesting.
Anyway, hang loose kids, and remember, "I think, therefore I exist.
J.-P. S.: Excuse me Jean, that's "I am therefore I think."
J.-P. S.: No Paul, I believe I had it right the first time.
J.-P. S.: No, you didn't.
J.-P. S.: Did!
J.-P. S.: Didn't!
J.-P. S.: Did, did, did.   $ ii win
What sort of guy
drinks
Victory Square Rye
and reads Acquire
Roto-Rooter agent and part-time darling of
the Prince Rupert expressionist theatre.
LAST BOOK READ:
"Bimbo the Bunny Meets Baudelaire" by
Chiang Kai Shek.
FAVORITE MAGAZINE:
"It's a toss-up between Field & Sperm and
Acquire."
SEXUAL PREFERENCES:
Big ones.
$*   VIEW OF THE COSMOS:
RYE:
"A fondue that blows up in your face and
runs all down the side of the oven in smelly,
disgusting puddles when you open the hall
closet."
Victory Square.
^k^lagef
gfjoe jertjoppejB
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YORK
UNIVERSITY
THE CENTRE FOR CONTINUING EDUCATION
OPPORTUNITY TO LIVE AND LEARN
ENGLISH OR FRENCH
Federal Bursary Language Programme
A special grant has made available opportunities for full-
time students to take a 6-week "intensive" in-residence
course at our Glendon Campus (Bayview & Lawrence) this
summer. Dates: July 2—August 9, 1974
Enquiries should be sent without delay to:
The Centre for Continuing Education
York University, 4700 Keele St.
Downsview, Ont. M3J 2R6
or telephone (416) 667-2504 for information
Management Science
Over the past several decades there has been a trend to
adopt a more scientific approach to business problem solving This approach, known as Management Science, has
drawn heavily on mathematics, statistics, economics, and
computer science. To provide people trained in the use ot
Management Science, the faculty of Commerce at the University of British Columbia has introduced two programmes
Tha MSc programme is intended to prepare the student to
apply Management Science techniques to the analysis of
real problems. During the past year, students were involved
in projects which included ambulance location, physician
decision-making, emergency and disaster preparedness,
portfolio analysis, and optimization Most students received
aid, frequently through participation in sponsored research
The Phd programme is intended to prepare students (or
teaching and/or research positions in universities, government and industry As a result, students are expected to be
interested in the development of new methodology and in
the advancement of the state of the art. Students in this
programme are guaranteed financial support
Students in both programmes further their knowledge
through courses in computer simulation, mathematical
programming, statistics, stochastic processes, optimization, and similar subjects.
If you enjoy solving problems in a scientific way. perhaps
you would find the Management Science programme at the
University of British Columbia rewarding If you are interested please write to:
Chairman, Management Science Division
Faculty of Commerce
University ot British Columbia
Vancouver, Canada V6T 1W5
»'M_«:'«^,<>.Vl1.<.VAUA'U.W'V
,vvv*'k'*v*vVv,j>vJ> ry._».**jm*.» *>.«.* * *.*_+ «.*>.*.*».**'-*:*** ^jO'j^'^V- --,.
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£^«£:Rw>.<v.- *• &• ^Friday, March 22, 1974
THE      UBYSSEY
Page 19
UBC
Evening
Credit Courses
May-July 1974
The University of British Columbia
Intersession
Evening Credit Classes
begin May 1 and 2
Register Now
Calendars available at
The Registrar's Office
and the Centre for
Continuing Education
EVENING COURSES - UBC CAMPUS
Most courses are offered two nights a week, 7-10 p.m.,
Monday & Wednesday (M & W) or Tuesday & Thursday (T 81
Th). M & W classes begin Wednesday, May1; T & Th classes
begin Thursday, May 2.
Arts
Anthropology
200(3)    Introduction to Social Organization - M & W
430(3)    Theory and Programmes of Social Change - T & W
Asian Studies
325(3)    Chinese Philosophy-T&Th
Creative Writing
202(3)    Creative Forms - T & Th
Economics
100(3)    Principles of Economics - M & W
490(3)    Applied Economics -T & Th
English
100(3)
201(3)
Literature and Composition - M & W
A  Survey of  English  Literature from Chaucer to
1914-M&W
303(3)    English Composition - M & W or T 81 Th
311(3)* Children's Literature -T & Th
365(3)    Shakespeare -T&Th
- see also Directed Study Abroad
390(3)    A Survey of English Literature of the 19th Century -
M&W
•for credit in the Faculty of Education only
Fine Arts
125( 3)    History of Western Art - T & Th
181(3)    Studio I-M&W
397(3)    - see Directed Study Abroad
French
110(3)    First-Year French - T & Th
400(3)    A   Survey  of   French   Literature  in Translation  -
M&W
German
430(3)    German for Reading Knowledge - T & Th
History
329(3)
429(3)
Italian
100(3)
The Social Development of Canada -M&W
History of the American West - T & Th
First-Year Italian -M&W
Philosophy
100(3)    Introduction to Philosophy -M&W
317(3)    Philosophy of Religion -M&W
323(3)    Chinese Philosophy-T&Th
410(3)    Philosophical Problems - T & Th
Political Sciences
407(3)    American Politics and Government -M&W
Psychology
100(3) Introductory Psychology - T & Th
200(3) Experimental Psychology -M&W
305(3) Theory of Personality-M&W
311 (3) Individual Differences - T & Th
316(3) Methods in Research -M&W
409(3) Cognitive Processes - T & Th
Sociology
270(3)    Introduction   to   Comparative   Social   Institutions
-M&W
462(3)    Social Change - T & W
Spanish
100(3)    First-Year Spanish - T & Th
200(3)    Second-Year Spanish - M & W
Education
400(3)    Philosophy of Education - T & Th, May 21 - July 23
439(1%) Instructional Television: Principles and Application
of Non-Studio Techniques - T & Th, May 2 - June
13
465(3)    Technical Problems in Science Education -M&W
495(1%) Still Photography in Education - M, 7-10 p.m., &
Sat, 9 a.m.-4 p.m.. May 6-June 1
496(1 %) Motion Picture Production in Education - M, 7-10
p.m. & Sat. 9 a.m.-4 p.m., June 5 -June 29
Nursing
253(3)
281(1)
Behavioural Patterns in Illness and Health - M&W
Introduction to Statistics and Research Methods - T,
May 7 - June 25
357(3)   Perspectives in Nursing -M&W
366(3)    Clinical Nursing-M&W
Science
Computer Science
310(3)    Advanced   Programming   and    Data   Processing   -
M&W
Mathematics
120(1)    Introduction to Analysis I -M, 7:30-9:30 p.m.
121(1)    Introduction to Linear Algebra -W, 7:30 -9:30 p.m.
205(2)    Introduction to Probability and Statistics -
T&Th, 7:30-9:30 p.m.
311 (3)    Elementary Number Theory and Algebraic Concepts
-M&W
Linguistics
420(3)    Introduction to Linguistic Problems - M & W
COURSES AT OTHER LOCATIONS
Abbotsford
Ed. 334(3) The Role of the Teacher in Home and
Community - T & Th,4-7 p.m., beginning April
23
Bamfield
Marine  Science 411   (3) Comparative Invertebrate Embryology - May 13-June 25, all day sessions.
Marine Science 420(3) Marine Phycology - May 13 -
June 25, all day sessions
Enrolment restricted - contact Department of
Botany
Prince George
Ed. 403(1%) Mental Retardation - Tuesday, July 2 - Friday,
July 12, 8:30 a.m. -12:30 p.m., in co-operation
with the BCAIMR Conference
Richmond
Ed. 333(3)
Curriculum and Instruction for Young Children
-M&W, 4-7 p.m. beginning April 22
GENERAL INFORMATION
• most courses are held two evenings a week, 7-10 p.m.,
Monday & Wednesdays, or Tuesdays & Thursdays
• unless otherwise indicated, M&W classes begin Wed., May
1 and end July 24; T & Th classes begin Thurs., May 2 and
end July 23
• courses may be taken for credit by anyone eligible for
admission to the University who has the necessary course
prerequisites
• fee. for 3 units of undergraduate credit: $107 (including
AMS fee)
1 most courses  may also be taken on a non-credit basis
(non-credit fee for 3 units: $75)
1 advance registration began March  1  and continues until
May 3
> registration in courses not yet filled, April 23, 24 and May
1,2,3
DIRECTED STUDY ABROAD
For people who wish to combine study and travel either for
university credit or on a non-credit basis.
For detailed information on Directed Study Abroad call
228-2181, local 251 (Arts) or local 220 (Education). Or write
to Directed Study Abroad, Centre for Continuing Education,
The University of British Columbia, Vancouver, B.C.
V6T 1W5, indicating which courses are of interest to you.
Arts
Shakespeare - English 365(3)
Directed    Study    in    London    and    Stratford-upon-Avon,
England, July 9-August 8
Lectures, seminars and theatre performances for 2 weeks in
London  followed by 3 weeks in Stratford-upon-Avon, in
cooperation with the Shakespeare Institute of the University
of Birmingham.
Course fee: $600, includes tuition, accommodation, most
meals and scheduled day trips.
Art of the Renaissance - Fine Arts 397(3)
Directed Study in Florence, Italy, May 20 - June 27.
The art and architecture of Florence and surrounding areas
from the 14th to the 16th century.
Course fee: $200 includes tuition and day trips.
Historical Techniques - Fine Arts 397(3)
Directed Study in Paris, France, followed by a 2-week studio
course at UBC. July 2 - August 16.
A   study   of   materials  and techniques with emphasis on
mosaics, enamelling and stain glass.
Course fee: $235 includes tuition, laboratory fee and day
trips.
Education
Physical Education in England
Directed Study in England - July 4 - August 24.
Current practices in physical education, recreation and sports
in England will be explored through visits to colleges and
sport centres in London and Leicestershire through addresses
by leading authorities and seminars. Open to elementary and
secondary school teachers, university and college faculty and
students and professional persons involved in physical education and recreation. May be taken for up to 5% units of
credit or on a non-credit basis.
Course fee: $600 plus credit fee and airfare. Page 20
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 22, 1974
No grad bias, senate
committee study says
Women are not discriminated
against when they apply for
graduate studies at UBC, a senate
committee study has concluded.
The study, released Monday by
the president's ad hoc committee
to consider a report on the status of
women at UBC, is "a comparative
study of the success rates of male
and female applicants for admissions to graduate studies at
UBC in 1973-74."
Examining 18 departments and
2,201 applicants — 1,820 men and
381 women — the report says 49 per
cent of the women applicants were
admitted, in contrast to the 37 per
cent of the men applicants who
were admitted.
The study attributes this difference to female applicants'
tendency to have higher undergraduate averages. Compared
with the 48 per cent of female
applicants exceeding an 80 per
cent, only 37 per cent of the male
applicants have equivalent
averages, the study says.
Associate math professor James
Zidek, who helped correlate the
data, told The Ubyssey Monday
female applicants' marljs are
generally higher because male
applicants tend to apply even if
their marks are not good.
"But this still does not completely explain such an absurd
difference," Zidek said.
The study also identified the
greater proportion of women
applying for masters' programs
than doctorates — 82 per cent of
female applicants compared with
68 per cent for male — because
masters' programs are harder to
get into.
I
ST. JAMES'
ANGLICAN
CHURCH
303 E. Cordova St.
Vancouver
HOLY WEEK SERVICES     |
April 7 - 14, 1974 |
PALM SUNDAY, April 7 I
8:30 a.m.     Low Mass I
9:30 a.m.     Family Mass I
11:15a.m.     Procession   of  Palms  '
Solemn    High    Mass, |
Singing   of   the   Pas- ■
sion, Sermon '
The   Blessing  and   Distribution   of |
Palms at all the Masses) ■
7:30 p.m.    Solemn Evensong I
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Low  Masses  7:15 a.m., 9:30 a.m.
and 6:00 p.m.
MAUNDAY THURSDAY, April 11  l
9:30 a.m.     Mass of the Passion
5:30 p.m.     Evensong |
6:15 p.m.    Solemn    High    Mass, i
Procession     to     the
Altar     of     Repose, |
Stripping     of     the i
Altars I
All  Night  Vigil before the Blessed I
Sacrament. I
GOOD FRIDAY. April 12        |
11:00 a.m. Stations of the Cross I
12:00 - 3:00 p.m. The Solemn'
Liturgy I
I
EASTER EVE, April 13 '
10:30 p.m. The Holy Saturday I
Rite followed by the I
First  Mass of   Easter.
I
I
Family Mass of Easter I
Procession and!
Solemn Mass |
Solemn Evensong and l
-I
EASTER DAY, April 14
9:30 a.m.
11:15 a.m.
Findings showed women ap-.
plying tended to be older than male
applicants. While 18 per cent of the
female applicants, compared to
eight per cent of the male applicants, were born before 1944 the
report said this "did not contribute
to the observed difference in the
success rates of female and male
graduates."
The study also listed factors in
order of their importance contributing significantly to acceptance of applications. These
included undergraduate average
mark, graduate average mark,
citizenship, degree level, the
number of mater's degrees held,
number of children, the number of
post-secondary institutions
previously attended and the
number of bachelor degrees held.
Factors listed as significantly
related to the sex of the applicant
were undergraduate average
mark, level of degree sought, year
of birth, marital status and
citizenship.
"I suppose the question that
should be asked now is why women
don't apply," environmental
psychologist John Collins said
Monday. "UBC        doesn't
discriminate against women applying for graduate studies, but
someone or something must
discourage them. They may just
think it over and decide not to
apply."
"One thing that needs to be
studied is the advice given before
university," academic planner
Robert Clark told The Ubyssey. He
said although the study was
basically concerned with charges
in the Report on the Status of
Women at UBC that women were
being discriminated against in
graduate studies, the study's
findings might lead to some additional recommendations to
senate.
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WE'RE BUILDING
A BEACH FOR YOU
Sea, rain and wind which have battered the exposed Point Grey cliffs have
destroyed   a  valuable   beach,   promoted   massive   mudslides, and threatened
valuable university buildings.
Now we are working to build a natural sandy beach, underlaid with gravel, at
Tower Beach below the Point Grey cliffs along from Spanish Banks.
This work will consist of a bed of gravel overlaid with a blanket of sand which
will preserve the natural setting, stop cliff erosion, and provide you with valuable
new recreational land along the Point Grey waterfront.
We want to assure you of the following:
1. The primary purpose of the erosion
protection, beach blanket is to
develop a natural sandy beach to
enhance the area for public use and
enjoyment.
2. There will be no road along the
beach.
3. The beach protection project is the
result of 12 years' study by
eminent internationally-known
geologists, engineers and beach
protection authorities. It is not a
hastily-conceived plan.
4. The Parks Board, which is
responsible for the beach, and the
University of B.C., whose buildings
are   threatened   with   disaster   by
erosion, will maintain the area in as
natural a state as possible following
construction.,
5. When erosion is controlled along
3,100 feet of Towers Beach, parkland development at the cliff top
for the public enjoyment can also
proceed. ■
6. The beach erosion control project
will protect valuable public university buildings which are now threatened. ;
7. The project has the support of the
majority of people who believethat
the project will enhance,.' not
destroy, valuable recreational land.
The proposed erosion control program is funded by a grant from the
provincial government and must go forward now before further
damage occurs. We ask your support and enthusiasm for this project
which will provide you with new and natural* recreational beachland.
This notice inserted in the public interest by
THE VANCOUVER BOARD OF PARKS
AND PUBLIC RECREATION
THE ALUMNI ASSOCIATION OF
THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
*¥X8»
7:30 p.m.
Procession
CONTACT CANADA
"CONTACT PROGRAMS ABROAD"
Subsidized Travel Programs
IN CANADA — AREAS AVAILABLE
Halifax,   Quebec   City,  Winnipeg,   St.   Boniface,
Calgary, Toronto, Vancouver.
TOTAL  COST  TO  PARTICIPANTS:  $100.  (includes     return     transportation,    food,    accommodation).
ABROAD — AREAS AVAILABLE
Belgium, Finland, France, Germany, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Spain, United
Kingdom, United States.
TOTAL COST TO PARTICIPANTS: $100. (includes return transportation, food, accommodation).
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION AND APPLICATION FORMS PLEASE CONTACT
International House — U.B.C. — 228-5021
Travel and Exchange Division — Secretary of State — Secretariat D'Etat Friday, March 29, 1974
THE       UBYSSEY
Page 2 1
'We're on a tight rope'     pS
From page 1
which may be bypassing the person responsible for
academic financing — UBC president Walter Gage —
suggested Bentley.
"It's a political tightrope we're walking on.
"These negotiations should be going on with the
(university) president.
"There's certain open discussions (between UBC
education faculty and the education department)
about meetings which cannot be regarded as official," he said.
He said the "normal way" for negotiating budget
problems is through the university president."
But he suggested the provincial government has
"something called earmarked funds" which it wants
distributed to education faculties alone.
This special attention from Victoria to the
education faculty threatens the integrity of the whole
university, he suggested.
"How do you get rapid change without destroying
the integrity of universities," said Bentley.
Gage in general refused comment on his role in
education budget negotiations. He said the specific
problems of education faculty fund earmarkings was
not discussed at a special meeting between university
presidents and education department officials in
Victoria last week.
When asked about Bentley's statement about
walking on a political tightrope, Gage said: "You'll
have to ask Mr. Bentley about that."
Meanwhile, Bentley said his faculty is going ahead
with plans to handle increased enrolment on the
assumption money will be coming from Victoria
shortly.
"We're advertising possible' vacancies. Our
forecasts are for a 22 per cent increase in enrolment
— which would require about 40 additional faculty
members," he said.
Currently, the education faculty has about 180
members.
Bentley admitted the rapid-fire hiring necessary
might result in a depreciation of teaching quality. But
he said he had a safeguard in that he would "get
people in one year appointments."
He said there would be no shortage of applicants for
the new positions. "Over this desk come between 10
and 20 applications (for employment) per day," he
said.
He also said extra ads would be placed in
University Affairs to recruit new faculty.
Bentley said new students will be recruited through
advertisements in today's Ubyssey. One ad announces a meeting April 3 to discuss opportunities
currently available in the education faculty.
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McMaster students talk boycott
HAMILTON (CUP) — McMaster
University French professors will
be teaching in nearly empty
classrooms next year unless three
of their colleagues are rehired,
more than 200 students threatened
Thursday.
Chanice Paquette, an executive
member of the French student's
union, presented a petition containing the names of students who
will not return to an emergency
meeting of the university's senate.
The senate meeting followed an
emergency general meeting of the
McMaster student association last
week which protested the arrest of
seven students in a demonstration
against the professors' firing.
Since the original firing, the
university administration has
offered to rehire two of the
professors but only as lecturers on
limited contracts. profs and we have lost too many
However, Paquette said,  "The   good  ones   through   limited  con-
department did only as good as its   tracts."
FOR THE ABSOLUTE LATEST
IN EYEWEAR
LOOK TO.. .
Prescription Optical
STUDENT DISCOUNTS
We have an office near you!
EYEWEAR FASHIONS WITH A FLAIR
Recreation U.B.C,
is taking applications for
organizations who desire
facility bookings for 1974-75
For further information
Phone 228-3996 or
Call at Room 203
Memorial Gymnasium
BETTER BUY BOOKS
New and Used
TEXTBOOKS, QUALITY PAPERBACKS, ETC.
LARGEST SELECTION OF REVIEW NOTES IN B.C.
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We Trade Used Pocketbooks and Magazines
Located Near the Varsity Theatre at
4393 W. 10th Ave.       224-4144     Open 11 a.m.-8 p.m.
B.C. Tel
B.C. Hydro
Collections
Good luck
from
FREE
DELIVERY
University Pharmacy
The staff of University Pharmacy,
your campus pharmacy, wishes
you success in your exams and a
happy and prosperous summer!
ONE BLOCK EAST OF THE GYM ON UNIV. BLVD.
STORE HOURS:
9 a.m. til 10 p.m.
Every Day
Except Sunday 12-8
Everyone is welcome
to the New and Exciting
DIVING LOCKER
Second location in Vancouver
Opening April 10th!!
FEATURING:
• Free air
• New equipment specials on regulators,
fins, gauges and many more
• Air rental and services
• Mystery dives
• All forms of diving instruction
(Next basic course starts April 21, 23)
COME AND SEE US SOON AT OUR NEW STORE LOCATION
2745 W. 4th Ave., Van. 736-2681
OR IN NORTH VANCOUVER
1398 Main St. North Van. 985-1616 Page 2 2
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29,  1974
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THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
Infectious ear to ear grin
a hopeful sign for nursing program
By SUE VOHANKA
Nursing faculty and staff have described
nursing director Muriel Uprichard's expression in many ways this week.
Some say it looks like the cat who just ate
the cream. And others, like first year
nursing students Jennifer Fuller and Anna
Nosek, call it a grin from ear to ear.
0- Sources say Uprichard met Monday with
health minister Dennis Cocke to negotiate
grants for first year nursing students.
The students are taking a new nursing
program which presents an innovative view
of nursing and relating health fields. The
four-year program entails an 11-month year
for the first two years, leaving little time for
students to earn money.
The department has already been successful in gaining government recognition of
the summer semester as an official term —
boosting the maximum students can receive
in student loans to $2,100 from $1,400.
Now, the department is seeking a $1,000
grant per student for each summer term.
No official announcement of the grant has
been made yet, but nursing students are
finding Uprichard's smile to be infectious.
Students aren't the only ones hoping for
the grant to come through. The nursing
department is looking for an indication that
the government is pleased with the direction
the new nursing program is taking.
The program puts nursing in a new
perespective in relation to the rest of the
health care field. It sees nursing as a
member of the team of health professions,
whose goal is the highest possible degree of
physical, mental and social well-being for
the individual.
Fuller says the program tries to get away
from the traditional role of the nurse as a
mothering, doctor's assistant or handmaid
to an image of the nurse as an independent
practitioner.
In the setting of a health clinic, the
program projects the nurse as a member of
a professional healthteam. The nurse is the
first person to see the patient and is
responsible for assessment of existing and
potential problems.
After diagnosis, the nurse is to treat the
patient if she is qualified and if it is legally
possible. If not, she refers the patient to a
colleague — a psychologist if the problem is
psychological, a social worker for socioeconomic problems and so on.
In a hospital setting the nurse is also
projected as part of a health team. Nosek
points out that hospitals are concerned with
treating sickness, while clinics stress
preventive care.
This shifts the focus of the nurse and
limits her role. In a hospital she is to be an
independent consultant in charge of nursing
care.
The role of the nurse would also be important in influencing other fields. As the
nurse takes on a more professional stature,
medical doctors would be free to specialize
more intensely than is now possible.
The factor separating this program from
traditional programs lies in the models the
programs are based on. The new course
uses a behavioral model rather than the
usual medical model.
"The older program is more concrete,"
says Nosek. "The new program requires
students to constantly re-evaluate themselves and their ideas."
She "says, however, the new program
provides a frame of reference older
programs lack.
"Students now can develop an independent view as a health professional,"
she says.
The course is based on an original model
devised by UBC's nursing school and is the
only such program in Canada.
Nosek says that most of the nursing
faculty is involved in planning or teaching
the new course — and everyone is concerned
about the program.
"The new program is really hard on
faculty," says Fuller. "Most of them worked
on the course over Christmas. Only two
faculty members were allowed vacations."
Fuller says the future for both faculty and
students depends on the success of instilling
new ideas into students.
"Every first year student is a guinea pig,
Students,
faculty
guinea
pigs
in
new
course.
and so is each faculty member teaching the
course," she says.
And there are many difficulties still to be
ironed out.
For example, the commonly held
stereotyped roles for health workers must
change if the newly trained nurses are to
work in the roles they are trained for.
Now, many things the new program trains
nurses to do are illegal. Fuller and Nosek
say they anticipate the nursing administration will pressue the government to
change the existing medical act.
"I really don't know what the administration is doing," says Fuller. "It's too
early to tell."
She says the new program has drawn
varied response from the medical faculty.
"They want interdisciplinary health
education," she says. "Plans were to have
all students in one building and use the
setting of a university hospital to train
students to work as a health team in the
profession! world."
"But the hospital didn't come through.
The only contact we have with other health
students is social and physical in that we're
in the same building."
Nosek says a nutrition course for nurses
and medical and dental students is planned
for next year. This, and other courses of
general nature will provide opportunities for
an excha_ «e of views from various health
care fields.
Another problem is distance between
students in the first year course and those in
the older program, at UBC.
Nosek says students in the older program
are aware of changing concepts, but can
only update their program within the old
framework.
First year students, however, have a more
flexible framework that is designed to adapt
to changing needs.
"The older students have established
definite bilateral communication with us,
especially this term," says Nosek. "We hope
they'll continue to do so now and in the
future."
Communication is also effective between
first year students and faculty involved in
the course.
"We use faculty as resource people rather
than just listening to them when they lecture," says Nosek. "Their doors are
practically open all the time."
Fuller agrees.
"When we sit down to talk to somewone,
by and large they level with us — there's no
beating around the bush," she says.
"They're very accessible."
Nosek adds that students are really involved in making the program work. "We
give them the feedback they need," she
says.
Nosek says the next step is to make this
student input recognized officially. "We've
been pushing for about four weeks to have
student representatives on the planning
committee."
"I'm optimistic about student
representation," says Fuller. "Everyone is
working so closely and enthusiastically on
the new program that it's inevitable."
Fuller says the program is dynamic and
needs student input.
"It should be dynamic all the time — I
think having student representation would
make it that way."
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_ Tliemultimedia
rock dance spectacular
to the muse composed and recorded
by THE WHO
■SSL?"" CEREMONY
THURS.-SAT. APRIL 11-13
8:30 p.m. Queen Elizabeth Theatre
$6.00, $5.00, $4.00, $3.00
Vancouver Ticket Centre, 630 Hamilton St. (683-3255) All
Eaton's Stores, & All VTC outlets.
A DAVID Y. H. LUI DANCE SPECTACULAR EVENT
Tt>K. &   T*p« %£ -VelU -Hie Wl>
(JdT yours oar
fo CoMMercid ElecTromcs L+d.
1*>5 Bwrnxtii S+. Vancouver 1   WS-OltS
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THE      U BYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
BEST DAYS OF  MY LIFE, fond memories of countless shots will run rampart -larry manuiak photo-
through students minds during summer work. Bank, eight ball  in the corner will      of learning. Only bright spot in an otherwise unproductive life will be knowledge of
beckon once again next year to those souls unfortunate enough to return to dark caves      the ability to hustle first year students.
A Spring 1974
EXPLORATIONS IN
THE HUMAN POTENTIAL
Series
Lecture-Discussion Event
TRANSFORMATIONS
OF CONSCIOUSNESS
about the changes in consciousness which proceed
from meditation, chanting, and hypnosis
DR. BERNARD AARONSON
Director, Laboratory of Altered States of Consciousness,
Institute for Research in Hypnosis, New York, author and
practicing psychotherapist in Princeton, N.J.
Monday, April 1
8:30 p.m.
Lecture Hall 2, Woodward Instructional Resources Centre,
U.B.C. Admission $2.00 (students $1.00)
For tickets in advance please phone 228-2181 (local 261),
9 a.m.-5 p.m.
A Workshop on "Altered States of Consciousness" by Dr.
Aaronson is being offered by the Cold Mountain Institute,
April 2-7. For further information phone 433-9956.
Centre for Continuing Education, U.B.C.
SKI SALE
ON NOW
Reductions
23 /©and up
JWfe
^K? SHOP it.
336 W. Pender St. 681 -2004 or 681 -8423
OPEN FRIDAY NIGHTS UNTIL 9:00
FREE PARKING AT REAR OF STORE
The First Canadian Bank
Bank of Montreal
tt
Let's talk about how to ...
make your life a little easier
in September
1. If you're returning to school next year, to avoid delay caused by closing
and opening accounts leave a small balance in your present account and
we will keep it open for your return.
2. If you're moving to a new city or across town let us take care of your
money move — ask to have your account transferred to one of our more
convenient branches.
Our congratulations to all graduating
students and to everybody, good luck
on those final exams.
We are pulling for you I
Bank of Montreal
Student Union Bldg. Branch
Gerry Freeman, Manager
Administration Bldg. Branch
George Peirson, Manager Friday, March 29, 1974
THE       UBYSSEY
Page   25
SPOR TS
Saying more than
good game, coach!
By PETER LEIBIK
Few events in sports reporting are as challenging
as (he impromptu interview.
Generally conducted in the locker room after an
athletic contest, the impromptu forces the reporter to
reach his personal zenith in confidence in order to
encourage as many words as possible out of his
subject. The order of the words is unimportant for
once you have the words they can easily be arranged
into exciting quotes at a later time.
The more successful sports reporters are at their
creative best in composing quotes when in a drunken
stupor. But, to a novice reporter the impromptu interview is frequently a frightening chore.
"How does it feel to have scored the winning goal? "
a reporter asked a certain hockey player after a
game. "Fuck," he answered. "Fuck?" the reporter
repeated in a futile attempt to coax a lengthier
statement from him. He was ignored and player
walked away with his girl friend. The reporter, even
to this day, is not certain whether the player's
remark had been directed to his question or was
instead some sort of command to his girl friend:
Countless times the novice reporter will sit through
an entire football, hockey or basketball match
without one solid observation or criticism entering
his mind. He will then find it quite difficult to question
a coach later. So, unable to think of a specific worthwhile comment, many of his post-game interviews
begin with a hopeful, "Well?" directed toward the
coach.
Sadly, most coaches do not realize this is their cue
to begin spouting classic Lombardi-like statements to
the probing reporter. Instead, they respond with a
disgusted, "Well, what?" At this point the reporter
either asks, "Well, how much did your tie clip cost?"
or walks away.
In his story the next day it is not unusual for the
only quote to be so and so saying, "Well, what?"
Of course, it is much more pleasant to deal with
coaches from a visiting team. Here, the reporter is
free to ask whatever he pleases, because rarely does
a visiting coach stay in town long enough to read the
resulting story. If he did he would soon discover how
his statements had been butchered and all traces of
pleasantness would vanish from the situation.
This is assuming he would read the article if he had
the chance which is admittedly unrealistic.
In a pathetic interview with three Canadian
Olympic high jumpers one reporter came up with a
new way of asking the basic question, "Do you train
hard?" He thought his new wording might loosen
them up. He said, "Have you ever pissed blood?"
Naturally, the high jumpers felt some type of idiot
was interviewing them and so clammed up completely.
In the end, the reporter had tour snort quotes to
work with and was forced to fill up his story with
statistics on how high a man can jump proportionate, compared to a field mouse.
Veteran reporters have a foolproof method they use
to end impromptus that have been proceeding poorly.
It is a simple, graceful method.
They offer to buy the person they're interviewing a
cup of coffee. They politely ask how they would prefer
their coffee and note their response. This they later
use in their column. (Silver medalist so and so said,
"black.") Finally they get up and walk out the door
giving their interviews the impression they are going
to purchase the coffee. From here the solution
becomes obvious, they simply do not return.
Ubyssey wins no game
to emerge the victor
The Ubyssey Austin Brewins
floor hockey team did not play in
NHL (Non-existent Hockey
League) action Tuesday night, but
weren't prevented from picking up
two points in the league standings
anyway.
"If we had played I think we
would have won 4-2," said coach
Vaughn "The Voluptuous"
Palmer.
"On second thought make that 4-'
3, they were a tough team."
Palmer said the Brewins' back-up
goalie Ken Dryden would have
been impressive in kicking out
three shots and two drunks from
the stands.
"Our first line of Esposito,
Mahovlich and Cournoyer would
also have been impressive after we
had them down in the farm system
for  a  week of seasoning  in  the
kitchen."
When asked who would have
been the three stars of the game
Palmer said, "I think Peter "the
Puck" Leibik would have given us
another fine performance,
reminiscent of the one that got him
an Academy Award last year for
the best imitation of the battle of
Hastings.
"Second would undoubtedly have
been Tom "the Lecher" Barnes,
whose legs remind me of the
withers on a Parson's twin-tailed,
four-man, multi-engined antelope.
"Third would probably have
been Alan "the barely Adequate"
Doree, because he airs my house
out and takes my dog for a walk
when I'm out of town on road
trips."
US colleges'
scholarships corrupt
Gary Shaw, former NCAA
football player at the University of
Texas, and author of Meat On the
Hoof, says young, often naive, high
school graduates are used by the
athletic programs, not only to
perpetuate the careers of coaches
# but to uphold the myth of American
manhood. One college coach in the
U.S. said, "Victories are not
purchased at the expense of
scholarships." This statement
could be considered artificial as so
many reports from college athletes
indicate otherwise.
On the large college scale, the
standard football scholarship for
the average player, calls for
transportation to the campus,
tuition payment of academic
courses (which are often times a
waste of time, as the player is only
spending his four years in the
college as a stepping stone to the
glittering professional ranks),
lx)ok expenses, laundry money and
generally cash under the tabie for
the jock's entertainment, in the
cases of big stars, up to $300 are
dished out if that individual puts
out on the field, per game that is.
It has now become evident in
today's "tell it like it is" society,
that big-time college sports are not
as clean and innocent as the
images the establishment put on
for the .M).(HK) plus Saturday afternoon crowds who take it all in,
nor is the college football player
Ihe dumb, blond-haired, blue-eyed,
milk drinking Ail-American hero to
which we tend to relate.
When asked if he was disappointed in any aspect of his team
Palmer said. "Yes, I was very
displeased with Rick "Ricket"
Lymer, Ralph "the Meek" Maurer
and Pemme "Pelt Me" Muir who
were not on defence and looked it."
"I also think the ice surface
would have been very bad since
there would have been a pumice
exhibition the previous day and
those little pumice droppings all
over the ice are murder on your
skates."
Palmer said the team would
probably win the game it wouldn't
play next Thursday. "We have to
win at least four out of the next five
games that we're not playing in
order to make the playoffs that
aren't being held this year."
—pstw cummings photo
POUNDING OUT last few days of school, Vancouver Volleyball Team
attempts to bust Saskatchewan YMCA with a spike.
Sports roundup '74
For women athletes on campus,
1973-4 was another championship
season; for the men, it was another
season of trying harder.
Women won the Canadian titles
in volleyball and repeated as
Canadian champions in basketball.
Field hockey also dominated their
league.
The men were more active but
slightly less successful. The
gymnastic team were the only
championship team for UBC men.
The rugby team, which does not
compete in a. Canadian intercollegiate league as do most
other teams, did have a very good
season, winning the grandiosely
named World Cup from the mighty
UCLA Bruins. And the Soccer
Thunderbirds are currently battling for second place in the
Premier League first division
despite a horrendous start.
The football team, of course, was
less successful, despite changing
coaches. The focus of UBC football
has never been on winning, and it
showed, as they managed not a
single win in eight league football
games.
The hockey team had as its high
point a trip to China and Japan;
they are likely to forget the regular
Canada West season pretty soon.
After being in the running for the
playoffs all year and even early
season favorites to finish first in
the conference, they blew it all on
the last weekend of league play and
finished third.
The basketball was also a minor
surprise, but a pleasant one. The
young team stunned the pundits by
grabbing second place in the
Canada West conference and
taking powerhouse Alberta to three
games before bowing out of the
best-of-three western finals,  2-1.
Casualties mount in rugby contest
The only test the UBC Thunderbird rugby team faced
Saturday was their ability to score.
The Thunderbirds beat the
Capilano club 57-3 in a tough hitting
game which saw both benches used
extensively as casualties piled up
on.the field.
The club felt it was a decisive
showing of the superiority of the
the Thunderbird open style of play
which the UBC team has advocated for many years.
Rick Bourne, replacing the injured Peter Hiley, was named
player of the game. He added
versatility to the club, being able to
play in both the backs and forwards.
In second division play, the
Braves lost 10-0 to a strong
Meraloma team. This loss puts
them out of the Tisdall cup play.
The Totems, in third division
play   continued   their   winning
streak with a 22-4 victory over the
Troians.
Saturday the Thunderbirds will
meet the University of Oregon at
Thunderbird Stadium. The frosh
will play their Oregon counterparts
at Wolfson Park, the Braves will
meet the Kats on Connaught Park
as will the Totems.
Thursday, the Totems will meet
SFU in front of Thunderbird
Stadium on the Whit Mathews field
at 6:30 p.m. Page 26
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
Hot flashes
Deadlines and
skeds loom
Deadlines and summer
schedules rear their ugly heads as-
the 1973-74 academic year draws
to a close.
Students wishing to apply for
bursaries or loans for September
1974 can do so, starting at the
beginning of May. The deadline
for loan applications is Aug. 1 and
bursary applications are due July
15.
The library begins an
intersession schedule April 30,
from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., with two
hours extension on two days of
the week. Summer hours have not
yet been announced.
The Place Vanier commons.
Totem Park dining room and SUB
snack bar will be open at regular
hours in April. The Barn will be
open at regular hours until April
5, after which it is open 9 a.m. to
3:30 p.m.
The gym coffee bar will be
closed April 8 until summer
begins and the Buchanan snack
bar will close April 22 and reopen
for summer sessions. The
Ponderosa and auditorium
cafeteria will close' after April 8
until September.
After April 26 the SUB
cafeteria will close after lunch.
All food units will be closed
during the Easter weekend except
the SUB snack bar and the Bus
Stop.
Summer jocks are out of luck
unless they can organize a
recreation program of their own.
The winter sports centre and the
Gym E complex close down on
April 5 and the War Memorial
gym will be open only to
Recreation UBC members after
April 28.
Conada-U.S.
Jacquie Henderson, organizer
for the league for socialist action,
will discuss Canada's
relationship to the United States.
The discussion, entitled
"Canada - U.S. Colony or
Imperialist Power?" is happening
tonight, 8 p.m. at 1208 Granville.
Tween classes
TODAY
YOUNG SOCIALIST
LSA membeti Jacquie Henderson
speaks on Canada and the U.S., 8
p.m., 1208 Granville.
CSA
Free punch party, 8 p.m., IH.
GUEST SPEAKER
Kuniyoshi Munakata, Shizuoka
University English professor, on
Japanese classical drama, noon,
Buchanan 104.
SUNDAY
YOUNG SOCIALIST
Revolutionary   program.for   social
change, 7:30 p.m., 1208 Granville.
MONDAY
LDS
Last general meeting, noon, Angus
404.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT
Joanne Dorenfeld, a soprano, will
do her graduate recital, 8 p.m.,
music recital hall.
TUESDAY
MUSIC DEPARTMENT
Collegium MusicurrT under director
John Sawyer, noon, and 8 p.m.,
music recital hall.
HI
Leonard Marsh will speak on the
future of the United Nations, noon,
IH 400.
CCF
Prayer and share time, noon,
Lutheran campus centre conference
room.
WEDNESDAY
NEWMAN CLUB
Important meeting, noon, SUB
105B.
THURSDAY
PLANNING DEPARTMENT
Film, Canada's Water for Sale, 3
p.m., IRC 5.
HISTORY DEPARTMENT
Peter Borowsky, on leave from
Hamburg University, will speak on
German Ostpolitik from Bismarck
td Brandt, noon, Buchanan 100.
WRECK BEACH COMMITTEE
Party and punch with the stars,
1:30 p.m., Foreshore park above
Towers Beach path.
JESUS CHRIST
. . . Would you want
Him as your best friend ?
If you could know God personally, would you be interested?
That's one of the questions that Campus Crusade for Christ has
been asking first-year students at UBC during the past five
months in an attempt to determine the religious thinking of
first-year students. A total of 219 were contacted; of these, 133
(79 girls and 54 guys) consented to answer 15 questions. The
results of just 3 questions are:
1) Who, in your opinion, is Jesus Christ?
Man (Teacher, Philosopher, Prophet) 34%
God-Man (Savior) 46%
Myth 06%
Don't know/other 14%
2) In your opinion, how does one become a Christian?
Believe in Christ as Personal Savior 13%
Good Life/Ethics 64%
Join a Church/Baptism 08%
Don't know 15%
3) If you could know God personally, would you be interested?
Yes 80%
No 07%
Unsure 13%
The students were told that there is only one way to achieve this
relationship: Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth, and the life; no
one comes to the Father, but through Me." (John 14:6).
He has given us the promise that we can receive Him by personal
invitation: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one
hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and
dine with him and he with Me." (Revelation 3:20).
If YOU would be interested in knowing God personally,
call 224-5891 or 733-9880.
Marxism
Wendy Stevenson of the Vancouver league for socialist action
speaks 7:30 p.m. Sunday, 1208
Granville.
The subject of her talk, part of
the series, "Basics of Marxism:
how to win the struggle for socialism," is "A revolutionary
program for social change."
The series is sponsored jointly
by the Young Socialists and the
League for Socialist Action.
Admission for the lecture is $1
for workers and 50 cents for
students and unemployed.
SUMMER
STORAGE
A PROBLEM?
CALL
7331033
ALLIED TRANSFER
$3.50
^■//>
slitJaif
;• interna
V'1- ssruisa
2158-Western Parkway
(above Mac's Milk) ph. 228-1183
k.
me CLASSIFIEDS
RATES:    Campus - 3 Jims, 1 day $1.00; additional lines, 25c;
Commercial - 3 lines, 1 day $1.50; additional lines 35c;
additional days $1.25 & 30c.
■• Classified ads are not accepted by telephone and are payable in
advance. Deadline is 11:30 a.m., the day before publication.
Publications Office. Room 241 S.U.B., UBC. Pan. H, B.C.
5 — Coming Events
BUNDOLO RETURNS. This Wednesday, April 3, 12:30 in SUB
Theatre. It's FREE!!!
10 — For Sale — Commercial
PERMA-WASH
The number one
archival processing
de-hypo wash
solution
Now In Stock
tlie lensi ana gutter
Cameras!
3010   W.   Broadway 736-7833
DECORATE with prints & posters
from The Grin Bin. 3209 W.
Broadway (Opp. Liquor Store &
Super-Valu).
DISCOUNTS  AVAILABLE   to   UBC
students on Texas Instruments
calculators. One year Replacement   warranty.   325-4161   eves.
11 — For Sale — Private
GREAT SOUND! Pair Fisher X446
speakers, 5-year warranty, 7 mos.
old. Cost $145, want $100 for
pair  or  offers.   ED,   876-6358.
1961 V.W. COUPE. Phone Raper,
224-9665, Psi  Upsilon Frat., UBC.
MONSTROUS    darkroom    for    sale.
* Top equipment, $1,500.  Call Lawrence.  224-6666.
20 — Housing
NEED ROOMS for the summer?
Try Kappa Sigma House Co-ed
living $65 single; $90 double; call
Rai or Peter,  224-9986.
FURNISHED ROOM in family
home. Kitchen priv. Available
April 1st. Near UBC gates, $75.
224-1136 after 6 p.m.
WANTED: Two bedroom suite in
house or block, May 1. Phone
683-4862   after   6:30.
GOING OH A HOLIDAY before
starting your summer job? We'll
hold your place for you. Couple
needs s.c. bsmt. suite or? from
May 15 or June 1 to end of June
only. Can pay to $140. Call
Leanne  after  9   p.m.
WANTED TO AUG. furn. bach, or
1 bedr. suite near UBC. 224-9897,
room. 652.
ROOMS FOR MAT ft JUNE, co-ed
color TV, pool table, wall-to-wall
carpet, $65.00 per month. The
"Deke" House, 5765 Agronomy,
224-9691.
SIX STUDENTS (non-smokers).
You can enjoy this summer in a
nice new house close to UBC.
Fully furnished. Available May
or June through August. Please
call   263-6773.
BIO 3-FLUS bedrm. house 6th and
Alma, fireplace, apple tree. Avail.
May   1st  to  Aug.   31st.   733-5992.
STUDENT & WORKING husband
seek floor of house. Point Grey.
Rent   or  lease.   Phone   683-0532.
CRAMMING for exams! Room in
Gage available April 1-11. Kenny,
228-0944.
25 — Instruction
•POT at the Potter's Centre! Instruction at all levels in wheel
work, glazing, etc. Register now
for the spring session. For
reservations and info. Phone G.
Alfred,   261-4764.
30 - Jobs
Pizza Patio
requires full & part-time
staff for the opening of its
location at the Kingsgate
Shopping Mall, 370 East
Broadway. Willingness to
work more important than
previous experience. For interview, contact Manager
Lutz Wolff in person.
OCCASIONAL CASH. Good at
writing, graphics, photography,
research? Sporadic assignments
for those qualified. This year,
next. Get on the list. Phone 22S-
3774   or   inquire   FWT   113.
EARN $700.00 to June 30th. Faculty family near UBC with 3
children in school requires help.
To take full charge April 20 to
June 20 during mother's absence.
Part-time duties at other times.
Live-in.   Non-smoker.   224-5816.
WAITRESSES WANTED. Full and
part-time at the GARAGE CABARET, 1275 Seymour St. Apply
8:30-9:30 p.m. Monday to Friday.
REQUIRE STUDENT for Sask.
grain farm. Good wages, board &
room. May to Sept. For Interview
leave message for Mr. Cope —
291-9488 or 273-8169.
SEE AD REQUIRING student coordinator for Tutorial Centre.
Fall Semester. 1974-75. Call Leona
Doduk,   228-331S.
65 — Scandals
CYCLISTS: Repair clinics, organized
tours, UEL bike paths, discounts,
friendship. The Cycle Touring
Club of B.C. is for the enthusiast.
Write us, encl. s.a.s.e, c/o 1405
Cypress, Vancouver. First ride:
Sunday 31/3, Yellow Point, Van.
Isl.  Call Gordon, 922-2527.
JIM: Here's to Summer and getting psyched! Good luck on your
exams.   Love,   Sweats.
LIVE RADIO COMEDY! Dr. Bundolo's Pandemonium Medicine
Show this Wednesday, April 3 at
12:30  in   HUB  Theatre.   It's   Free!
70 — Services
STUDENT INCOME TAX SERVICE. $3.50 basic. Call 22S-11S3
11 a.m. to 5 p.m. 2158 Western
Parkway   (above   Mac's   Milk).
CALABRESE FERTILITY Dances.
139, 243, 24 1 Sliuswap 224-9845.
Brisk performances guaranteed.
Schifose   Libidinose   Productions.
DRAFTING — Maps, Diagrams.
Graphs —■ If interested, please
phone  after  fi  p.m.   731-5002.
80 — Tutoring
Speakeasy SUB Anytime)
228-6792 - 12:30-2:30
TUTORIAL
CENTRE
For Students and Tutors
Register Now! 12:30-2:30
85 — Typing
40 — Messages
FACULTY OF SCIENCE
Undergraduate Students
Please consult your Departmental Advisor (Department
Office) or Faculty Advisor
(Hut O-ll) before leaving
the Campus in April should
you desire counselling regarding your 1974/75 academic progrom.
—Office of The Dean.
SXI WHISTLER. Rent condominium opposite lifts. Day/week.
732-0174.
BUON   COM   PLEANO,    CONDOR-
Spudmic, D.G., Boris. Gladys,
Igor, T.G., Tuft, Griffon, Gimp,
e  Colt.
60 - Rides
RIDE WANTED to Cranbrook
area end of term, April 26-?.
Phone Gerald,  228-9890.
FAST EFFICIENT TYPING. Near
41st   &   Marine   Drive.   266-5053.
EFFICIENT Electric Typing. My
home. Essays, Thesis, etc. Neat
accurate work. Reasonable rates.
263-5317.
LAST-MINUTE TYPING, now accepted. Call Katherine, 321-1679.
Clean,  fast.
ESSAYS    AND    THESES    TYPED.
Experienced typist.  Mrs. Freeman
—   731-8096.
90 - Wanted
$50 CASK for original negative,
horse in specific composition.
Phone 228-3774 or inquire FWT
113.
2 TICKETS to Maria Muldaur. Ph.
Lindsay, 684-5425 days: 731-2891
eves.   Will   pay!
STUTTERERS NEEDED for speech
therapy research. Volunteers will
be paid.   228-8792.   Confidential.
EARN TWJ-NTli   DOLLARS   for   a
day of relaxation. People needed
for 24 hr. experiment involving
little; more than lying in a dark
room. Call 228-5878 or stop by in
Angus  Room  13.
WANTED:   THESIS   TYPIST,   IBM
Selectric.   738-7791.
99 — Miscellaneous
FREE I One young female dog.
Quiet, gentle, affectionate. Loves
kids.. Needs  a  home.   22S-8792. Friday, March 29, 1974
THE       UBYSSEY
Page 27
we want your
used  textbooks!
Notice to
All Faculty
During the period April 18 to
April 26, 1974 the Bookstore
will buy back used books
for resale in September.
IN ORDER TO INSURE STUDENTS
THE OPPORTUNITY TO RECYCLE
AS MANY OF THEIR CURRENT
TEXTBOOKS AS POSSIBLE, THE
BOOKSTORE ASKS YOU TO SUBMIT YOUR LISTS OF REQUIRED
FALL TEXTS BY APRIL 10.
Your co-operation at this time
will help us to provide an
adequate amount of books for
your classes well in advance
of September demands.
FOR THE PERIOD
Thursday, Apr. 18 to
Friday, Apr. 26 — 9 a.m. to 4 p.m,
get 50% in cash for used textbooks
scheduled for use in the next
fall session.
HIGHEST PRICES ALSO PAID
FOR DISCONTINUED TEXTS
the bookstore
university of
british Columbia
228-4741 Page 28
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, March 29, 1974
Help Design YOUR Pool
for Students, Staff, Faculty, and Community
..,  ii. *■.■.-._. „. .^SiKKi aMMl aMSt af
• * i
P &bm €i fl» 1
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;i*f^*iwe£;
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iP   * s&. l|       ^B      ill *°*      **■**&»   »
~ *"•■*• SSNidfej. ««*«&,,
-*_'.«* JW
•Hfci!*   •*%*_'*•"*„..
NK§
Royal Commonwealth Pool — Edinborough, Scotland
FACILITIES
size& shape of tank
training pool
saunas
locker rooms
bulkheads
diving towers
weight rooms
EQUIPMENT
• timing clocks
canoes
paddle boards
• winches
• bubblers
compressors
ENVIRONMENTAL
PROGRAMS
• instructional
lighting
—swimming
acoustics
—diving
heating
—scuba diving
interior furnishings
—life saving
landscaping
• competitive
links to existing buildings
—water polo
—underwater hockey
-water basketball
• free recreational time
These lists are not intended to be complete. They simply illustrate the things we are considering
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Contact any of us to contribute or just to find out what's going on, or write to us at:
USER'S COORDINATING COMMITTEE c/o AMS Executive Secretary  Second Floor, S.U.B.
Bob Angus-.Chairperson.-Computer Centre
Marilyn Pomfret-(Vice-Chairpersorv)
-Phys. Ed .-Recreation
Dr. Holstee—Political Science
Ken Blankstein-Totem Park
Dick Seaton-Academic Planning
Nester Korchinsky-lntramurals
Pat Gilmore-Education IV
Don Brewster-McMillan Bloedel
Joe Gluska-Education IV
Nick Nicholson-Winter Sports Centre
Byron Hender-Awards Office
Jordan Kamburoff-Physical Plant
Jack Pomfret-Phys. Ed.-Recreation
Don Fillipelli—Jack Cewe Ltd.
Margaret Biggs-Arts IV

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