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The Ubyssey Dec 3, 2002

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December 3, 2002
Volume 84 Issue 25
$100 since 1918
a^WHY IS STEVE So ^^^^
$+*v« ?b beyoo<L \ucky b> fc>e a&WiAvri^ ex -Vo^ rank
aoacfern\c \nsft\uftem l\ke U&C ^<xV c^n coont
a£fi>^l£ professors atwy\Wt rexse^ he can MAS^r"
classes m-\Viesc'\wc:e<sar\clt^ar4s. Two
pa4V\o^-e-nic tA€A\c\fie;*fer€^Try <xv\<A <wx\V\ +6^kdyir\a
pav^w^ a.A<L ^ycko!ody.7^;s^0O|e\/en W^S
flAJV^i ev^Ae^rlfgda^^^! 3u4-+ -follow ysuf iflHivHovl
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\
cTIiVitTY1     BOOH
^ We    love volunteers .    come back
V   V ^    V      V
jn  January     and
s?  v  s?
let us love you more.
CLASSIFIEDS I
THE GENERAL PRACTICE
RESIDENTS PROGRAM at the UBC
Specialty Dental Clinic is accepting
patients requiring dental treatment for
wisdom teeth extractions. Minor surgery
at a reduced fee; intravenous sedation
available; dental implant patients. To
schedule an appointment, please contact
604-822-9660.
CHRISTMAS TREE SALES
The Forestry
Undergraduate Society
will be selling trees
outside the Safeway at
10th and Sasamat
WHEN?
Monday December 9th
to Friday December 20th.
'   Weekdays from 4pm to 7pm and
Weekends from 10am to 6pm.
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO CHARITY.
CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS:
UPROOTED ANNUAL LITERARY
MAGAZINE. Max 3 poems (max 50.
lines each) & 1 short story (max 1500
words) per submission. Your name &
contact info shown ONLY on cover
letter. Send to: English Student Society
(Buch Tower 397, 1873 East Mali) Due:
Dec 9. No email submissions. Info:
Esszineubc@hotmail.com
lia'
rauurnciuai
ervices
LOW COST REPAIRS TO
MPUTERS & all electronic
pments. Free pick-up & delivery,
estimate. Alan 604-879-0290
HOUSE SITTER AVAILABLE
Professional person, mature, experienced,
Available from Dec 11. Westside. 604-
254-0753.
UNIVERSITY DRYCLEANERS
ALTERATIONS. Laundry, Dry-cleaning
& Dress-making available at 105 - 5728
University Blvd. (UBC Village) ph: 228-
9414. Discount coupons accepted. Some
handcrafts & gift items also available for
sale.
____w
DOUBLE FUTpN WITH NAVY
COVER $100 obo. Other small
furniture also available. 604-736-2532.
APPLICANTS WANTED TO STUDY
PART IV OF THE URANTIA BOOK.
EARN $25,000. For details, visit
www.eventodaward.com
LEARN TO TEACH ENGLISH 4 WK
F/T TESL Certificate Prog-am or Sat.
P/T Program. $885. Thousands of jobs.
Ph: 604-609-0411.
SWING DANCE! Every Sat. at St.
James Community Hall on 10th Ave. 4
blocks West of McDonald. Beginner
lesson @ 8, Student $4 only! 822-0124.
YOGA ON CAMPUS! WEDNESDAYS
at Totem park at 6:15pm: Thursdays at
Place Vanier at 4:30pm Only $20 for 8
classes, or cheap drop-in fee. Info: 221-
6359.    .
UBC BIRDERS JOIN A BIRD WALK
ON CAMPUS every Thurs 1:45pm.
Meet at Flagpole by Chan Centre with
binoculars
.caaeniic services
ESSAY RESEARCH AND
ASSISTANCE. Any subjects A to Z.
Anthropology, Business, Commerce,
Drama, East Asian Studies... Zoology.
Highly qualified graduates will help. Toll
free 1-888-345-8295. Fax 1-416-960-
0240. Email: customessay@sprint.ca
To place an Ad
or Classified,
call 822-1654
or visit SUB
Room 23
(Basement).
STUDENTS!
LooluiigMa
CotsomethiiiB
Or jiisl Have ?pl
announcement to
If yon are a student,
classifieds for FREE!
For more information, visit
7   Rdoiii 23 iii tile SU0
[basement! or call 822-1654.
Explore YOUR Explorezde
Field of nouveaux
Dreams. Horizons
Looking to farther a research career in the
fields of natural sciences or engineering?
You could be eligible for a research
scholarship or fellowship.
NSERC (the Natural Sciences and
Engineering Research Council of Canada)
promotes, supports and invests in university
research. From undergraduate to postdoctoral
levels, scholarships and fellowships can help
expand your career and give you the
resources you need to succeed.
To find out more, including competition
dates and deadlines, contact the:
Scholarships and Fellowships Division
NSERC
350 Albert Street
Ottawa, ON K1A 1H5
> Telephone: (613) 995-5521
■8    . Far: (613) 996-2589
Une carriere en sciences naturelles ou en
genie vous intfesse? Vous pourriez obtenir
une bourse pour faire de la recherche.
Le CRSNG (Conseil de recherches en
sciences naturelles et en genie du Canada)
est charge' de promouvoir et d'appuyer la
recherche universitaire et d'y effectiier des
investissements. Une bourse de recherche,
du premier cycle au niveau postdoctoral,
peut donner un essor a votre carriere et
contribuer a votre reussite professionnelle.
Pour obtenir plus de renseignements, dont les dates des
concours et les kheanciers, veuUlez vous adresxr A la:
Division des programmes de bourses
CRSNG .^^*'
350, rue Albert
Ottawa (Ontario) K1A1H5 '     *     ijg?
Telephone: (613) 995-5521 \
Ta&opieur: (613) 996-2589
.,#'"*■ f
Visit our web site: www.nserc.ca      Consultez notre site Web: www.crsng.i.a
1^
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Investing in people, discovery and innovation
Investir dans les gens, la d4couverte et (Innovation
Canada
\
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Welcome fo...
The Ubyssey's Procrastination/
Holiday SuperFun™ Book
For most of the term, we at the Ubyssey have more important things to
worry about than school. Ours is a noble task; we are journalists first and students second.
This is all fine and good until late November/early December. That's
when editors begin their seasonal freakout as the soft reality of lectures
melts into the hard reality of exams. Suddenly, we have an entire term of
studying to cram into a couple of days. There's no way we have time to put
out a real paper.
Likewise we know that you, our faithful reader, are also probably freaking
out about now. With so much studying to do, you don't want to read any
more than you have to. With this in mind, the Ubyssey presents its Exam
Procrastination/Holiday SuperFun Book. Its puzzles, games and time-
wasters are perfect for taking your mind off of the impending doom of
exams.
Here's a preview:
Page 3, The Ubyssey hat
Make your very own  Ubyssey
paper hat Incredible, we know.
Page 4, Build your own athlete
Get  all   Frankenstein  on  the
Thunderbirds.
Page 5, Movies mix and and match
Identify  the   photo  with   the
Ubyssey's film picks for 2002
Page 6 and 7, Bulldozopoly
Wreck your school and improve
as you see fit
Fage 8, Origami
How to make paper balloons to
decorate your desk or even fill with
water!
Page 9, Find the Math 100 exam
Can Johnny get to Ms first-year
math final on time? You can help
him do it
Page 10, Poking your prof?
Take the Ubyssey's relationship
quiz and find out how lucky your
academic career will be.
Page 11, Internet interludes
Links to websites that will eat up
all of your time.
Page 12, Brian Sullivan mask
A consultation aid for students
and administration alike.
Fage 12, The Ubyssey's $100 scavenger hunt
That's right, $100 and all you
have to do is find the stuff on our
fist.
Have fun! &
THEUBYSSEY
TUESDAY, DECEMBER % 2002
VOLUME 84 ISSUE 25
WEARING MORE BLUE THAN YOU
7   Kathleen Deering       Y
THINKING OF YOU     *
Chris Shepherdl
BELIEVING YQU
7 Michael Schwahdt
7iy$Kil)!& FOR YOU4        5
YYY7Y-Y Sarah' Conchie YYY-77Y
yy'%:^^foiim44:44y
Duncan ML McHugh Y
YY    QUESTIONING YOU  |
Y7 Anna King
COOLERTHANYOU
; Nic Fensom
7   GMERTHANYOU
7 Hywel Tuscano
Y DEFENDING YOU^;
<   Graeme Worthy,
j7 JEALOUS OF YOlJhY' 7
Y': taura BliieY
/-■::vFEElpiN6^U;-Y Y 7^
Jesse Marchand Y
41   (JOKING AT YOUY 7
LiV,Vander vbji /&aridei7 Y
SGR^MINGAfW^^S
Jeff Macl^hzie YY
Y Karen LeungYY
4 m ^^4
^77 E&T&J&i
RdOra 24* Student Union Building^ Y     Room 23, Student Union Building;
■   6138 Student; Union Boulevard^ v    advertising: 604.822,16547Y
Y ?    Vancouver B€i.V6T 1ZI 7 business office* 604.82216681
Y     tel: 604.822.2301 fax: 604.822.1658    7
fax: 604.822.9279Y email: advertising@uByssey.bc.ca
Y7": web: www.iibyssey.bc.ca 7'-''''
Y email: feedbcick@ubyss^.bc.ca
4 IHayejr good break, We love you. And a sticky^ festering love it is: imvc
W%1* Yf<-2i
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How to make
& Ubyssey
pirate hat:
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[iii^KiisxittttiHi^ifii^i
Work in the Global Village
international
Pmjeet Management
a 12-month post-graduate certificate program
in international development at Humber College
Now you can study for employment in the growing field of
International Development. Learn applied* skills for writing
international project proposals, cross-cultural communications,
managing resources for overseas international development, and
more. The program includes an 8-week field placement or applied
research project which may be completed overseas or in North
America. Call (416) 8756622, ext 3226, gfc
or e-mail patmeek@huimber.ca l^f HUMBER
The Business School
"wf. vr222i/irf42. ^^iMi^^^^l^tMW'^JS.' »:M;i' c4si.
SNOWBOARD
OR SKI
FOR FREE!
STUDENT, STAFF & FACULTY
GROUP SPECIAL
Organize a group of 10 or more and receive
complimentary lift pass & rental.
Group Rates Start @ $19 (incl. tax)
Mention this ad upon arrival & the organizer's
name is entered to win an exciting River
Rafting Adventure for two.
Call 604.986.2261 local 215
^
WHIU8YSS1Y
G   I   V   t.  A   W   A   y
Sondre Lerche - Faces Down
Singer/songwriter from Norway, Sondre just
played CMJ in N.Y. & also came to Toronto
for a showcase. Talented 19-year-oid,
his music is a refreshing change.
Build your own athlete
\
<HEADS UP>
1. Basketball's Brian Host has all the attitude you'll ever need, and more.
2. Wayward soccer halls are no match for Graeme Poole's solid noggin.'
3. Triathlete Tracy Hall has focus, determination, and stamina.
STAR QUALITY>
Javier Glatt can easily
shoulder the crushing
weight of fame
as he heads from a
54-tacHe season to
the glimmering worldJ'
1       ofthe CFL draft.
Since the Thunderbird Athletic
Council (YP£) just released their kit-1
est money-maker, the Varsity
Calender, the Ubyssey Sports    ^
Department recognises tlie need for a
free alternative to objectify the aih-;
letes who wear the Blue and Gold'Alt
you need are scissors, glue and a lit--;
tie creativity to put Dr Frankenstein \
{and your sense of moral turpitude) 1
.   - to'shame. &     •       i
<<ARMS>
/Basketball
badass    *
\   Bryan Banks..,,
I      Need we      \
j     sjy more?
\
V
BLUE    ..>£-     Vi
AND    i/:>  ^i1
G0LD> %f$^k
The uniform
makes the man.
Or woman. Or
combination.
/ I
'■Pi> ••
«i''
HEART
AND     ;P\Jf^
S0UL>      V
'3
i7>v '^<SCH00L SPIRIT
Women's basketball point
guard Sheila Townsend combines brains with bravado.
t
'     Willing to (literally) bend over back-
^\ fy wards for the team and endure the
J       insults of small children and drunken
SFU fans for the sake of UBC Athletics.
1a
Uvtr
S"       1
Anuracy an
I FOOTBALL: Nothin
IW easier than knowina thei
iV-*
HYPER SPEED
a &b. SOCCER:
and endui-'iiee
FOOTBALL: Nothing makes i imnmg
easier than knowing there are five huge
guys gunning for your personal pain.
3. WHACK THIS: Field hockey players have nop'o
tection against marauding sticks, and are thertbic,   *?
quite durable.
%
To receive a COMPLIMENTARY CD come to
the Ubyssey Office (SUB Room 23, in the basement)!
UBC swimmers shave everywhere,
and shave seconds off their already
lightening speeds.
y Send your perfeidath!ete,tQ2
44 locker room of your choicer J;
<LEGS> >mm%m*. :^*i mmmn Lt J     «ZB.
Pop quiz, hotshot:
J^ji/iH
r
Match the Ubyssey's top eight films of 2002 with the corresponding images.
• '*&__.
(b)
>
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(C)       v
IS? v«.'^i" :..
%
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•   I l    u
($ Adaptation
This film hasn't come out yet but—based on the trailer—we're
including it on the list. Charlie Kaufman and Spike Jones (the team
behind Being John Malkovich) + Nicholas Cage as twins = extreme
anticipation. i
(7) Lovely and Amazing
Good, depressing movie about sisters and mothers obssessed with their
bodies and their lovers. The big star of the show is a ten-year-old but
Catherine Keener is also sarcastically slick.
(6) Hollywood/Bollywood
This cross-culture romp is exactly what a hybrid film should be...and
on top of that the jokes are actually funny. See it if you wanna get to
know your fellow Indo-Canadians better, because you will certainly get
an accurate {slightly exaggerated, of course) look into their lives.
Enjoy the masala.
(5) Secretary
James Spader is brilliant! Creepy! There's some fuckin' weird shit in
this movie, about a master-servant relationship, but it's not going to disturb your mama more than she can handle.
(4) Bowling for Columbine
Michael Moore, at his shit-disturbing best While his rosy portrayal of'
Canada might have been a bit off, and his thesis seems a Httle lost at
times, scenes such as surveillance footage of the Columbine High
shootings and taking two survivors of that shooting to K-Mart headquarters to return the bullets still lodged in their bodies, as well as a
revealing interview with National Rifle Association President Charlton
Heston, make this film a triumph. It, understandably, won the People's
Choice Award at this year's Vancouver International Film Festival.
(3) Fix: The Story of an Addicted City
It's not often that an audience can watch a film and then discuss it
with the director afterwards. But not only did filmmaker Nettie Wilde
preside over almost every screening of her movie downtown, the
film's subject matter—drug use in the Downtown Eastside and the
path to safe injection sites—coincided perfectly with the civic elections, bringing the film, and the people it championed, to the forefront of this city's consciousness.
2) Punch-Drunk Love
P.T. Anderson's follow-up to Magnoha casts Adam Sandler, in a surprisingly excellent performance, as a sad and lonely plunger manufacturer in a heart-wrenching romantic comedy. Despite his characteristic
visual bravado appearing abundantly, Anderson has made his most
low-key and compact film—which, in this case, is nice.
1) Far From Heaven
Todd Haynes's tribute to Douglas Sirk's 1950s melodrama brillantly
uses post-war suburban Conneticut to examine racism and homophobia. Gorgeous cinematography and scenery, and excellent performances byjulianne Moore, Dennis Quaid and Dennis Haysbert co-mingle to
make this the best film of the year. Mind you, November just ended.
Who knows what December may yield. &
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We II be gone for +he holiday.?,
bu+ you can read vs online:
wwiv.uby^^eytc.ca
>ee
you
.soon!
I CAT'S EYE CAFE
"MMfS5i*cicH Arts Meet Ke'altbv.Fbdc
• 3450 West Broadway    Pa (604) 730-9509
2p   1 Receive One
for X, Complimentary
Cup of Coffee
or Meal
wljen a second one
of equal or greater value
is puchased with this ad.
! MAX 1 COUPON PK TABLE NOT VALID ON SPECIAL EVENTS
j WESENTCttlSPACE
J-   F08PS1VATEANP
J     SPEOALEVENTS
YWlSJlMt
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OR"
STERN Difference
Let Northwestern Health Sciences University Help You Explore Your
Future in Natural Health Care
Explore a few of Northwestern Health Sciences University's key strengths:
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• A Career Services Center to assist in job placement following graduation.
Careers in CHIROPRACTIC, ACUPUNCTURE,
ORIENTAL MEDICINE, and HASSAGI THERAPY vrt-
The Ubyssey Procrastination/Holiday SuperFun™ Book. Tuesday, December 3, 2002
-■■   y—rr?«a>   19/8 ...        -^
HUMSOC
All films $3.00
in Ihe NORM (SUB Iheatie)
Film Holline: 822-3697   OR check out
wtttt.ams.ubc.ca/ciubs/nlmsoc
Fm DEf B - Sun Dec 8
7:00 City by the Sea
9:30 One Hour Photo
Wed Dec 11-Dec Nov 12
7:00 Wag the Dog     9:30 Kandahar
Wed Dec 11-Dec Nov 12
7:00 Sweet Home Alabama
9:30 The Four Feathers
. Travel and Teach Overseas!
11      • PAH) RKTURN AIRPARK. @
J      • Good Pay t Furnished Apartment,    ^p
V • Orientation to help you adjust to your new life overseas.
DO YOl   WVs.1 TO BE MORE PREPARED BEFORE GOING "OVERSEAS?
6 week hiIpimvo 1 Ll I course Peer Teaching Practicun* is included. Assistance available
for o\erst as job pUu'inent. Degree at the undergraduate level a prercquisile.
Lion's Gate English Language College
#201-3701 Hastings St Tel 604 205 5925 or Fax 604 205 5926
t>       i     o      j   -i;cr-> ottc  e mail: careers(°>la?lc com ppSEC
Burnaby, Canada V5C 2H6 web sile hllp.//tt° w igok.com 'J^
i ^
(Pincl your f %
rhybhm.)
568 DunSmuin Six ■
(604)806,404a
1191 DdvjtS Sfe
(604)^85.4066
www.stabravel.ca
online     >>     on the fhcde     >>
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on cfimpu/
^TRAVEL
>>       OH THE /TREET
THEUBYSSEY
GIVEAWAY
Ultra - 80's vs. Electro
(Double Disc Compilation)
Ultra is the ultimate name in compilations.- Every
compilation they make has 3 main ingredients: sexy,
smart & only the best tracks. Ultra 80s is so different,
featuring seme of the biggest names from that era,
plus some unforgettable forgotten gems.
IJ\1(Q>      ".YY.
Electro HH -
01
To receive a COMPLIMENTARY CD come to
the Ubyssey Office (SUB Room 23, in the basement)!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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UBC
SU
Instructions:
Point of playing: You get to completely revamp
your campus! Places you don't like living in or taking classes in, just BULLDOZE and replace with
'houses' that you would rather see on campus.
You need: Monopoly money, dice, not a lot of
time, scissors to cut out players and houses
To Play:
1.Start with $1500. Roll dice. Move player same
number of spaces as number on dice.
2. Advance.
3. Buy properties. After you buy property, the
next time you land on it you can buy a house.
4. Collect rent.
5. Play four times, around the board or as many
years as it's going to take you to get your degree.
6. If we've forgotten any rules please refer to the
real Monopoly.
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Main Library
$1000
Soon.to be worth $30
million with the new
robot book retriever that
will soon be installed.
Rent: $2 million
Martha Piper's
house
$800
rent: $600
The Peter Wai
Institute
$500
It's so beautiful...
rent: $500
Angus
$500
Collective future income
for all students: over
$50,000,000
rent: $400
Student Recreation
Centre including
Birdcoop
$500
Too much money gets
pumped into athletics
anyway. You might as well
add to it.
rent: $350
Snazzy
Forest Sciences
Centre
$462
rent: $350
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Enraptured by the
Queen: gain $100
\-
'Houses': cut out these pictures of certain things you
might like to see around campus. Buy 'em then add the
price to the rent.
\
BC Liquor store
$200
Da Vinci's inquest
set $400,000
yu
Pick your favourite campus stereotype as a player:
Beer-guzzling'geer Sporty HKin student        Pretentious Arts student
Science nerd
J
n
New labs $500
ft
'JjlilYY
UBC barn $500
Nuclear reactor
$45.99 on e-bay
\
J* ' v
'7-».n
You think of this one
$100
Outdoor pool $3000 Outdoor track $200
Giant marbelous cookie
from Blue Chip $1.25 e
S>&<*-&n$&^ a1****, 'Z'Ooz.
Test your spatial logic and reason
rapSi   #%559UIX DallOOnS* with this exercise in origami
1) Take a square of paper and fold it towards
yourself to make these creases:
2) Now fold the square down and in half. The
creases should be on the top and left sides.
Open flaps on the bottom and right.
€tj a
3) In the bottom right corner, take the bottom flap and and open it to fold along the
diagonal crease you made earlier. You will
now have a triangle on top of a square.
4) Hip it over and repeat on the other side.
You now have two flat triangles on both
sides.
5) Fold the two bottom.corners ofthe triangle to the
top. Do this on both sides. You now have a diamond
shape.
6) Fold the left and right points ofthe diamond to
the line in the center. Do this for both sides.
1 An iTi-*':**: #b:y fuTi£ ft'lc^ter rcrh?/5»l a: rnDvIs
Meryl Streep
Directed by Spike Jonze
Screenplay by Charlie Kaufman and Donald Kaufman
AQQiD y fibti jLOR •
< >
^
y
-'• *
,.     i   BP,U* l7',Mi,'r r "j  M,  j', 'ir,<  '5 « n   >!   • }
JV SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE SCENES\ » ,       , , V *"" nin-ri
COABSELANGUAGE,NUDITY _JJ I      «   T -  kt SOnf»COSyACl8i»fSti©B      -sar?' it . '      ? .'*» IM
CailiTEiAfll
 jfttSUU
ExcsEosira mmm starts iimi, mmm m
7) There are two flaps at the top of both sides. Tuck them into the slot
of the fold you just made. Do this on both sides.
hole to blow in
8) Put your fingers in the flap between both sides and blow in the hole
at the bottom. Fill with water or condiment of choice for attack. &
Looking f op a
cheap airfare?
As the official booking agent for
Tango Westjet
??.!?        *  Can*
& ZIP j '
H TRAVELCUTS
See the world your way
SUB...604-822-6890 Marketplace...6G4-659-2860
The Canadian College
of Naturopathic Medicine
We offer Canada's only accredited four-year, full-time
professional program'educating doctors of naturopathic
medicine, regulated general practitioners of natural medicine.
Program requirements: Candidates must have
a minimum of three years of study (15 full-year credits)
at an accredited university, including six prerequisite courses.
ff-i-	
Si!
Tbe Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine
1255 SheppaidAve.E., Toronto. ONM2K 1E2
(416) 498-1255 ext 245   1-866-241-2266
info'fl-ccaim.edu    -www.ccnm.edu M
\"^^, ~*
0)
N
03
Help Johnny find his
Math 100 exam in
Osbourne Gym. &
• TuiUon —
a -i ~£ _ _ M, ,    -_,MMr_
fe@dback(3>.ams.ubc.ca • wv/v/.ams.
The University Administration is once again planning to raise your tuition fees.This will mean that, if the Administration's plan is approved, those of you in Arts or Science undergraduate programs will
be paying 30% more (or approximately $800) in tuition. Engineering, Pharmacy, and Commerce students will pay even more than that
The AMS, your student society, is extremely concerned that the UBC Administration is making this proposal without providing sufficient information to justify the tuition increase. The Administration
has feiled to provide information on where the money from this tuition increase would go; it has also not issued a quality report card to demonstrate how the money from last year's increase actually
improved the learning environment; and it has not provided the promised report on operational efficiency, which would show whether the University is spending wisely.
The AMS believes that students must be offered a chance to provide feedback on the tuition proposal.The University is currently planning to approve the tuition increase at the Board of Governors
meeting in January, which leaves very little time for meaningful consultation with students.
Be sure to voice your opinion on the tuition proposal, and/or send your comments directly to the UBC Administration at tuftfon@interchange.ubcca. To get in touch with your AMS President directly,
email: president@ams.ubcca ,
f Tutor Registry
Want to find work as a tutor? Tired of getting postered over when
you advertise on campus? Get on-line with the AMS Tutor Registry.
December is a good time to register because lots of students are
looking for help in studying for exams. $10 will get your information
posted on-line for 3 months and it will be accessible to students
looking for tutors 24/7. Registration forms are available on-line at
www.ams.ubc.ca or at the AMS Tutoring office, (SUB 249 O).
Questions can be directed to: tutoring@ams.ubcca or 604-822-9084.
I
National Oay of Roiembranoo
^^^^•^^^^^^^^•^^^^•^^ nauviiai vai ui iidiiidiuui aiiuo -\
National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women
December 6* is the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. Commemorate it by
coming to an event in the SUB South Alcove from 11:00 am-1:00 pm on December 6*. Displays, drumming and
giveaways will be used to raise awareness of the prevalence of violence against women in our communities. Let's
reflect on the memory of students and staff murdered at L'ecole Polytechnique in 1989 and others whose lives have
been affected by violence - Everyone is welcome!!
/Student Leadership Conferenc
The UBC Student Leadership Conference is coming. January 10*-11 *,
2003. Check out our website at wwwiims.ubc.ca/slc for more info on
how you can join - become a better leader and make a difference on
campus. We are looking for motivated students to get involved and
learn through a series of workshops and mentoring networking
sessions. Take the lead-the future is yours to design.
AMS Safewalk
The AMS Safewalk program will be closed over the Winter Break from December 18* to January 5* (inclusive). We will reopen at 4:00 pm on January 6* the first day of classes. Safewalk will be open during regular hours throughout the exam
period ,
For a walk to your next destination on campus, please call:604-822-5355.
Elections
I
Nominations for the 5 AMS Executive positions are now officially
open. Nomination papers are available in SUB 238 and will remain
available until January, 10th 2003. Nomination forms for other
elections run by the Elections Committee (Senate, BOG, etc) shall be
made available as soon as they are provided to us.
/ '— UBC Sustainability Conference-n
The UBC Sustainability Office the Student Environment Centre and the AMS are proud to present the 3rd annual UBC
Sustainability Conference titled "Future Connections - Connecting Students to Professionals in Sustainability". The keynote
speakers this year include: Dr. Bill Rees, Helen Speigelman, and Dr. Freda Pagani. Interactive discussion panels will focus on
topics such as land policy and development energy and architecture, economic^ and international development
Date: Saturday,January 1^2003
Time: 9:30 am - 330 pm
Place: First Nations House of Learning
Cost $5.00 before January 1,2003 / $10.00 after January 1a, 2003
^Registration includes a lunch buffet To register, please contact sec@dub.ams.ubc.ca
^i*m^w™mmi™,*mm.m**mm^mnma*»*^mmMMWmMWn  | , | ||l|uMpp«Mau-pa.^m»iP«aaMM.Pip P Hi.. ..^m.mnal^ *»•■* ***  ^*
'Oai
M.fo^ss,sy
|>   o   -$>   $£*
10
Fornication with the faculty?
University is supposed to be all about meeting new people, but
it's not always easy. How do you know if someone is really
interested in you? Take the Ubyssey quiz to see how likely you
are to hook up.
THE CUTIE IN CLASS
1. To catch her/his attention, you:
A. Drop your pencil.
B. Drop a $100 bill.
C. Drop your vibrator.
2. When s/he says s/he likes your shoes, you:
A. Act bashful.
B. Return the compliment
C. Get. It On.
3. When s/he asks you what your major is, you say.
A. I'm pre-Commerce!"
B. 'Major what?"
C. "Fucking."
4. You are at the photocopiers late at night
A. Copying your groups' notes.
B. Debating what body part to photocopy next.
G. Wiping lube off the glass.
5. You eagerly await the lab results:
A. To find out how you and s/he did in Chem.
B. To find out if it's mono.
C. To find out why it looks like cottage cheese.
YOUR TEACHING ASSISTANT
1. When your TA recommends a 'really good book* for you to
read, you:
A. Head for the hills.
B. Head to the library.
C. Head in the library.
2. When you hear your TA discussing union job action, you
think about
A. Your TA's livelihood.
B. Your grades.
C. Your pants.
3. When your TA loses your paper, you:
A. Cry.
B. Offer to look for it,
C. With a strap-on.
4. When your TA says, "No need to thank me, I'm just doing my
job/you:
A. Thank him/her anyway.
B. Get dressed.
C. Say "And I'm doing mine."
5. If the TA asks if you want to "put in a little more time" before
the exam, you say:
A. "No, I'm feeling pretty confident"
B. "Heh, heh, what do you mean by that?"
C. "I'd like to put in a lot more than tdmel'
YOUR PROFESSOR
1. Your prof reminisces on taking lids course when s/he was an
undergrad. You:
A. Ask whether the grading was harder.
B. Ask if his or her body was harder.
C. Ask if it's okay if you get harder.
2. When visiting during your profs office hours, you:
A. Keep questions to a minimum
B. Keep it to 'office 1S minutes/
C. Keep it out of your hair.
3.When you get your paper re-evaluated, you include:
A. Notes detailing your grievance with the original grade.
B. A nude photo of yourself.
C. A nude photo of your prof from last weekend.
4. When your prof snorts a line of blow off your naked chest you:
A. Have visions ofthe Dean's List dancing in your head.
B. Snort a line off his/her chest
C. Look at your watch and realise you have to meet another
prof in ten minutes.
5. When filling in your profs evaluation form, write about
A. the profs teaching style.
B. the profs personal style.
C. the prof filling you in.
What are your chances of getting it on while at UBC? See
page 11I<^
Want a cool phone?
Try this subtle hin
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______ > A.    *L.
<H %
x   *.  •»'. J
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V
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r
t
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Getting the phone you want is all about good
communication. Why not just ask for a TELUS Mobility
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technology TELUS Mobility phones come with cool
stuff like games and 2-Way Text messaging
capability. You can even get fun downie
like ringtones and images*. Availabl
TELUS Mobility stores, authorize
dealers and retailers. To find out moi
visit telusmobility.com/student or a
1-888-810-5555. The future is friend'y'
TELUS
mobility7
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the Sony store.    \50ir/
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www.creocollege.com  604-608-4250
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"Service available on a pay per use basis. ©2002 TELE-MOBILE COMPANY.
Edward M.W. Ng, LL.B.
Immigration Lawyer*
Student Visas
Skilled Workers
Family Sponsorship
Investors/ Entrepreneurs
PR Card Applications
Citizenship
Appeals
Reasonable rates
Personal attention
Available after hours & weekends
Phone: (604) 762-0323
Fax: (604)267-3374
Website: http://edng.ca
E-mail: !awyer@edng.ca
* Barrister, Solicitor and member of the
British Columbia Trial Lawyers Association !*•■*
"f"f
Procrastination workstation
Reward yourself with 23 (/di/ssei/-approued web links for 'study breaks'
Cartoons
www.sluggy.com—
Terribly addictive.
www.hoinestarruniier.com.—
Terribly funny. Check out
Strongbad.
www.spacemoose.com—
Terribly offensive...and
funny:
Games
www.agnosticllama.com/
slime.html—Slime
Volleyball: More addictive than chocolate covered coffee beans.
www. adultswim. com/ga
mes/brak—You're a
Relationship
quiz answers:
IF YOU PICKED
MOSTLY "A": You think
books are for reading
and college is for
learning. Man, are you
wrong!
IF YOU PICKED
MOSTLY "B": You indecisive wretch. You
either want to get down
or you don't. Chose
already!
IF YOU PICKED
MOSTLY "C": You dirty,
dirty monkey. Call
(604) 822-0444, they're
right up your alley.
}U tfia Uby^0y\^ybum
^officialstti<|eht newshY:
I fiap^r. W^ve Beeh that
7 waysiricel918 and
\vve'reproudloi % We^ve
J 7 y been connpletely y ■
&2_ 4 ihdepend<ent since y
7 1995i that rheahs nd7
fY;Yceh?Pff p|apes?
WW>'W4;.MM0^M4iM
Props to us since 1918
giant oversized bug kicking people in the groin
to find your pal's mom.
Nearly poetic.
www.rancongames.com/
jetpac—Nifty graphic jet-
pack game.
www.snood.com—Two
years of one student's
life. No regrets.
www.littleburro. com/ga
me/index.html—Battle
the mutant peppers of
Quetzeltacatananga.
www.silljrjokes.co.uk/ga
mes/fartmg-nun.html—
The farting nun organ.
www.dfilm.com—Make
your own movie, with
characters ranging from
Lego men to Fabio. Send
them to your friends!
www.dancingbush.com—
Nothing dirty here,
we're sure you have no
trouble finding that.
This has 'Dubya' getting
down.
Signs of the
apocalypse
www.starma.com/penis/
penis.html-Over 5000
euphemisms for Penis.
Hee hee.
www.week^worldriBirVS.oom—
The 'Bat-Boy' tabloid,
online.
\
\
fjjk n/.i ■ir.rrif-
IR SEAPIlANE
JFESSidNALS
SHOW YOUR STUDENT ID TO GET THESE GREAT DEALS!
STUDENT STANDBY , STUDENT STANDBY
$3fit ID'd has its '49
advantages...
ONE WAY
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ONE WAY
+ GST
for travel between
Vancouver ani thnaimo.
So airport tax or fees.
For travel between
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So airport tax or fees.
\m^'s^ylki ,
Vancouver   victoria   nanaimo   gulf islands
queen charlotte islands   prince rUpert
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W^^_HWM^^^^^iSWSSSWMMi
[ yourself ]
the post-graduate program in Marketing ^anagsnisnt
in just eight months, Humber's program in Marketing Management can
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what it takes to impress marketing employers, including advertising,
professional selling, marketing strategy, communications, international
trade, marketing research and more.
Call (41S) S75-S622, ext 3207, f?|'HUMBER
or e-mail peter.madott@hyn.ber.ca ^ Tne Business School
www. ha sine 'sYs7Yfi; u- m fi e r Y c a
www.snopes.com—
Debunks internet and e-
mail myths (realise that
those e-mail forwards
are trash).
www.weaintcool.com/Art
icles/fmishmoves.html—
Top Ten Wrestling and
Video Game Finishing
Moves - 1980 to Present.
www.wilwheaton.net—
That's Wesley
Crusher...control yourselves.
www. azlyrics.com/t/tena
ciousd.html—Lyrics to
Tenacious D songs.
Impress your mom.
www.thespark.com—Try
the quizzes. Also has a
nice section for those
who like academic dishonesty.
www.theonion.com—You
should already know.
www.cbs.com/latenight/la
teshow/top_ten/arcbive—
All of Letterman's Top
Ten Lists since 1993.
www.muJletsgalore.com—
Keep the dream alive.
www.tfaesmoldnggiin.com—
Celebrity mug-shots,
odd court documents.
Crazy what they come
up with.
www.implosionworld.co
m/index.htm—The best
part is when the buildings fall down. <&
r
IF5^
*7}f     *
•   J
Missing a Piece of
Your Degree
?..'».»V ! HMlt(-'f. 'ihiOlir-li
j    ipi gsywyuiijuiiy,! <ju(ih! Hsuauyji^ vyJiiJiiMiii^iauOnSfYY
|7v     S^
7; managementscience, marketing,and;
7 7 organizational behaviour: e-Classesus#^^^^^^^^^:i
group discussion, ahd cialsrooni conferencingY Y ,i
■ toiprlng; students and an in
y^yY   K
"^j^ation Deadline i^ Decerti^^1<ii|l
Y7:3>f spa^
r
Athabasca University^
Canada's Qpen University"
sbffl'atlsa&ascay.ca   »   http://ljystaess.athafeascau.ca 12
TiVmr is
The Ubyssey's
ITIclSK
Worried about tuition?
Who isn't?
With a proposal to raise fees by 30 per cent for most
students, next year is shaping up to be brutal on
most students' wallets. But is it a done deal? No sir,
it is it not Brian Sullivan, our illustrious vice-president, students, has been making the rounds, consulting with student groups, describing the increases, why they're needed and where the money is
going. This must be one of the most unpleasant
aspects of his job (consider facing almost 200 engineers and telling them their tuition is about to go up
40 per cent—so many red coats, shudder).
The issue of consultation has been a big one for
the Alma Mater Society (AMS) and the Graduate
Student Society (GSS). At the latest Board of
Governors (BoG) meeting (December 2) the AMS and
GSS sent a letter requesting a longer consulation
period. The BoG decided to continue with the existing schedule, which will have the proposal come
before it at the January 2 7 meeting. It also said that
if it found the consultation with students to be 'insufficient' it would direct the university administration
to continue consultation until an extra BoG meeting
in February at an as yet to be set date.
In the spirit of helpfulness and to allow the VP,
students to attain maximum consultation, the
Ubyssey has provided students with a life-size mask
of Sullivan. Simpy cut this mask out, get your friend
to put it on and tell the face what you think about the
proposal. You could also just post it on the fridge and
talk to it—which will likely have the same effect as
telling the university your concerns. <@
Instructions:
Cut out head and eyeholes. Fasten string above
ears. Give to friend to put on. Begin ranting.
THE UBYSSEY'S
YJ	
scavenger hunt!
That's right, a cool $100. We at the Ubyssey went without our dinner to pay for
this prize! Here are the rules:
- The Ubyssey reserves the right to print and keep all of the items you bring in.
-Judging will take place in the Ubyssey office (SUB 24, in the basement behind
die arcade) between 11am and 5pm on Friday, December 6
- Points are listed beside the item. The person with the most points wins and
will appear in our first issue in January.
- First place: $100; second place: lunch with the Ubyssey editor of your choice;
third place: five movie passes throughout next term. Plus, prizes for everyone
who enters. Happy hunting!
- An Arts County Fair mug, 10
- A Ubyssey fold up pirate hat, 2 0
-An English dictionary, 100
-Aphoto ofyoui mom,                             200
- Copies of the Point, 1
- Copies of ihe Point, mistakes corrected, 200
- A copy of the Delta 5's "Mind Your Own
Business* 7", 1000
- Any UBC street sign, 500
- A piece of AMS President Kristen Harvey's
clothing, 1000
- A photo of you hugging AMS General
Manager Bernie Peets, 300
- A first-year Science student who doesn't want
50
1000
5000
1000
7000
varies
. to go into Medicine,
- Twenty first-years,
- A photo of you naked in the Pit,
- A tour of the clock tower,
- Keys to the clock tower,
- Drugs,
- A quote from UBC's negotiator to the TA
Union, 500
-A sheep from the UBC farm, 9999
-The porn couch from CiTR,               - 2000
- A love note from a prof, 1000
- A profs hairpiece, 1000
- A can of cat food, 2 0
-A can of Spam, 30
-A coffee table,                                       2000
- A varsity athlete's urine, 500
- A transcript with three failures in a single
term, 200
- AMS exec Nick Seddon's pant size,  100
- A Chemistry problem set 50
- A copy of page six from the January 1972
issue of Harper's, 500
- A full keg of beer, thanks
- AMS VP Admin Chris Lythgo's office door
nameplate, 200
- The contents of AMS Designer Michael
Kingsmill's pipe, 1000
- A composite from an HKia graduating class
from the 1970s, 3000
- A flag from the golf course, 100
- A Plant Op's leaf blower, 1000
- A wall clock from any building, 200
- Bring a German, an American and a
Canadian into the Ubyssey office and tell a
joke, 500
- A chair from the SUB Arcade, 200
- The UBC mace, 9999
- A can of that bald-spot covering stuff,   200
- The raunchiest book from the library,   100
- UBC Public Affairs Associate Director Paul
Patterson's resume, 500
- An eviction notice from res, 200
-A copy ofthe new Dave Eggers novel,     2000
- Nardwuar's real name, 50
- UBC Chancellor Allan MacEachern's signature on your chest, 5000
- A copy ofJules and Jim, 300
- A letter from your dean, wishing you luck in
this contest, 200
- A working Mac computer, varies
- The cK Crave ad from outside the Pit,    200
- A program from one of the SHiNDiG semifinals, 100
- Scissors, 30
- A picture of your MiniMe, 200
- A postcard from Sicamous, Timbuktu or
Kalamazoo, 150
- A foreign flag, 300
- An engineer's red jacket, 5000
- An identifiable piece of UBC President
Martha Piper's trash, 500
- A photo of you on top of a sculpture at the
Museum of Anthropology, 1500
-A can of Red Bull, 100
- A lock of CiTR Program Manager Bryce
Dunn's hair, 2000

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