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UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Mar 30, 1988

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Array the Ubyssey
V
&
VOLUME 70, Number 49
Vancouver, B.C. Wednesday, March 30,1988 Classifieds
Rates: AMS Card Holders - 3 lines, $3.00, additional lines 60 cents,
commercial - 3 lines $5.00, additional lines, 75 cents. (10% DISOUNT ON
25 ISSUES OR MORE) Classified ads payable in advance. Deadline 4:00
p.m. two days before publication. Room 266, SUB, UBC, Van., B.C. V6T
2A7
85 - TYPING
11 ■ FOR SALE ■ PRIVATE
GROUSE DAYPASSES ONLY $10! Avail
able in the Ski Club office (SUB 212), Monday thru Friday, 12:30-1:30.
1974 DATSUN B210 - $490 obo, 278-6831.
2 x ONE WAY 'plane tickets to Toronto from
Vane. (M & F), Mar. 28, $100 ea. 321-0999.
40 - MESSAGES
20 - HOUSING
$155 - MONTH beautiful Shaughnessy
home. Bdrm. with own bath and laundry
facilities. Near 41st & Gran. Pref. N/S fem.
student. 266-2636 (Lisa or Tom).
LOOKING FOR N/S male student to share
apt. In Kits/Kerrisdale Area, May 1. Call
Dave 988-9454.
RESPONSIBLE COUPLE (1 working, 1
studying) seeks 1 or 2 bdrm. suite on W. side
for May 1st. Max. $450. 732-3209.
SUMMER HOUSING
On-campus rooms available for summer.
Includes full kitchen, games room, and TV
room. For more info call Phil 263-8834 or
224-9615.
$185-month: room in shared house, 16th &
Tolmie. Washer/Dryer. Close to UBC. Available April 1. 224-4829.
WANTED - FOR MAY 1, a room in a house
near UBC, preferably without any T.V.'s in
the house (I'm trying to break an addiction).
Ph. Peter ® 222-1164.
MEXICO - MAKE MANZANILLO YOUR
HEADQUARTERS THIS SUMMER
FOR EXPLORING MEXICO. CONDO
FOR RENT $450/MONTH. TOM SUTHERLAND 733-8287.
30 - JOBS
MARINE BIOLOGIST lab tech.: Job continuous to B.Sc. degree, $12/hr., wknds. &
holidays all year. 1st or 2nd yr. Biol./Ocgy.
students with 1st class grades; prefer divers.
Call Dr. Marliave at 685-3364.
FOR INTERVIEW INFORMATION about
Southwestern call 926-5051. Earn $6,000
and gain good experience.
KEG BOATHOUSE IN WEST VAN
Hiring energetic, motivated people in the
following functions. Hostess cocktail, wait.
& bus staff. Apply Thursdays between 12-4,
Horseshoe Bay.
ALLDERS INTERNATIONAL, operators of
the Vancouver airport and downtown duty
free stores, are seeking individuals to fill
part time and subsequent summer employment in sales for both our airport and downtown duty free stores. Applicants must
possess: previous retail sales experience;
flexibility in working hours as 7 days shift
coverage is required; Japanese language
ability. Wage rate is $7.35 per hour. Candidates should contact Alisa Charach at 270-
6289.
WANTED: EXPERIENCED BIKE MECHANIC for summer employment with
young progressive comp. Drop resume off in
person to 1463 Robson St.
ASSISTANT CUSTOMERSERVICE representative - self-starting, mature, sales oriented person. Vehicle required, to assist in
promotions and contacting the licensee
trade to promote and sell our products. Pis.
send resume by April 10th to Casabello
Wines. Suite 610 - 1199 West Pender St.,
Vancouver, B.C., V6E 2R1, Attn.: Bill
Holowatiuk, Sales Manager.
ENTREPRENEURS WANTED
Earn up to $1000
in just one month this summer.
We are a young company run by studen ts.
We make desk calendars for schools
across North America. Our first year at
UBC. We need 2 or 3 ambitious students
to sell ads on the calendar.
Please send a resume to:
Univad Marketing
Attn.: Jill McCann
115,1255 University Dr.
Tempe, Arizona
85281 U.S.A.
Applications deadline: April 30,1988
35 - LOST
LOST: 18" GOLD CHAIN on Mar. 14 at B
Lot. If found, please call Fil at 274-5229. A
reward is ofTered.
LOST: 1 PAIR GLASSES, plastic lens, rimless gold frame. Lost on Fri. 18. Phone 228-
9344 after 6. Reward.
FROM VICTORIA? Homesick for Rising
Star Bakery, giant cinnamon buns, and
chocolate chunk cookies? Branch at 2685 W.
Broadway.
HEY, LILLIAN! How did you make $22,000
working one summer with Southwestern?!?
AP.
HEY, CORY! How did you make $19,000
working one summer with Southwestern?!?
AP.
50 - RENTALS
>••••••••••••••••••••
5 HR. IN SUB - $190
70 - SERVICES
LONDON
From 599.00 return
(some restrictions apply)
Take Off With
TRAVEL CUTS
Student Union Building
228-6890
INCOME TAX SPREADSHEETS for Lotus
& compatibles. Complete forms including
tax calculations automatically. Ideal to see
"What if..." 875-8485 (Jim).
INCOME TAX RETURNS $10. Gamma
Accounting Services Ltd., 205-2678 W.
Broadway, 737-2820.
75 - WANTED
SCUBA DIVING volunteers for research
must have gear, over 25 dives. Call Myron
685-3364 (eves. 733-4257).
STUDENT BODY
CALENDARS
Women of UBC
& Men of UBC
WE NEED YOUR
BODY!
Whether for fun or a
possible career! If you
are interested in being a
model in either the Men
or Women of UBC calendars, and to help raise
money for the new student body bursary fund,
please call 736-9099 for
an appointment.
80 - TUTORING
YOU CANNOT AFFORD to lose marks on
essays. Let me help you with the grammar,
punctuation, and layout of your term paper.
Rate: $15/hr..222-2505.
NEED HELP WITH YOUR FRENCH? Call
now for a stimulating free lesson (days,
eves., week-ends). Tel. 732-6269.
FAST! WORD PROCESSING
$1.60 per page
Quality Work by Professional
Basic Editing included
Complimentary Draft Copy on Request
737-8981
Between
PROFESSIONAL TYPIST, 30 years exp.,
Word Proc. & IBM typewriter. Student
rates. Dorothy Martinson 228-8346.
WORD PROCESSING SPECIALISTS - U
write, we type. Theses, resumes, letters,
essays. Days, eves., wknds., 736-1208.
WORD-PROCESSING $2.00/page, IBM or
Apple, DTP also. ComputerSmiths, 3732
West Broadway (at Alma) 224-5242.
MacINTOSH WORDPROCESSING: Experienced editing, reason, rates. Call Jack -
224-0486.
KER-WORD PROCESSING SERVICE.
Using IBM-XT with Wordperfect #202-1515
E. 5th Ave. Call Kerry 253-8444.
ADINA WORD PROCESSING: Student
discounts. Letter quality printers. 10th &
Discovery. Phone 222-2122.
JUDITH FILTNESS, quality typist, 3206
W. 38th Ave., 263-0351.
WORDPOWER - Word Processing - IBM &
Macintosh laser printouts. Student discounts. 222-2661.
ACCURATE REPORTS Word Processing
WordPerfect, Laser printer, student rates.
16-1490 W. Broadway at Granville, 732-
4426.
GEETECH - word processing 7 days a week.
Student & commercial rates. Phone 688-
9280 - confidential!
LETTER QUALITY W/P from $1.75, correction and editing available, 879-8800.
WP TERM PAPERS, theses, mscrpts., essays, incl. reports, tech. equa., letters, resumes. Bilingual. Clemy 266-6641.
LETTER PERFECT WORD PROCESSING
Reasonable rates, student discount. Quality
printer & paper. 224-2424.
WORD PERFECT! Fast, accurate, good
printer. $2/page. 733-0688.
WORD PROCESSING: A & Y Manuscript
Masters. Incomparable quality. Essays,
term papers, theses, manuscripts. Spelling,
grammar, style corr. References. 253-0899.
RICHMOND - IBM W/Proc for your term
papers, theses, @ $1.25/dbl. sp. pg. D/town
drop-off to mid-Apr. only. Call Glenna at
277-0410 (anytime).
TYPING - NO NOTICE REQUIRED. Essays, theses (low rates), resumes. Editing
and research assistance. Call 327-0425
(before 10 p.m.).
TYPING, QUICK, ALL TYPES, right by
UBC. $1.25 page dbl. space. Call Rob 228-
8989 anytime.
FAST ACCURATE professional resumes,
papers, letters etc. 732-7469 24 hrs.
WORD WEAVERS -41st bus line, upstairs
at 101-2258 W. 41st. Ave. Faculty and Student rates for quality, custom word processing. FAX. Translation and transcription in
major languages. Thesis specialization on
multilingual terminals. Spccialite en Francaise. Japanese & Chinese document preparation available. 266-6814
Graduating?
Science\Engi_ieering...
Ifyou are graduating this year in these
programs, and you are seeking employment in your area of specialization, there may be Government
Funding for your new\potential employer to hire you. Get the facts now,
to see if your employer qualifies.
Access Canada 737-7500
RED LEAF
Restaurant
Luncheon Smorgasbord
Authentic Chinese Cuisine
228-911-4
10% DISCOUNT ON
PICK UP ORDERS
LICENSED PREMISES
Mon.-Fri. 11:30-9:00 p.m
CLOSE.SATURDAYS
Sundays mid Holidays
d:00 p m -9 p m.
2142 Western Parkway
UBC Villaqe
Opposite Chevron Station
NOTE: "Noon" = 12:30 -1:20 p.m.
WEDNESDAY
Political Science Students' Association
Organizational meeting and election of next year's officers. Noon,
Buch Dl 21.
Graduate Student Society
Jazz Live with pianist Cameron
Chu. 5:30-8 p.m., Fireside Lounge.
ALSO: Bridge.  Beginners Welcome. 6 p.m., Fireside Lounge.
THURSDAY
University Christian Ministries
Everyone is welcome to come and
hear  Rob  Powell   speak  about
knowing God as revealed by Jesus.
Noon, SUB 111.
UBC Stamp Club
General Meeting. Noon at UBC,
International House boardroom.
UBC Personal Computer Club
APPLE Meeting: "The last game?
Noon, SUB 215.
AMIGA Meeting: Transition in
power? Noon, SUB 215.
Graduate Student Society
Annual   General   Meeting   of
Graduate Student Society. 4 p.m.,
Dining Room. Come meet your
new executive.
ALSO: Bzzr Garden. 4:30-7:30
p.m., Ballroom.
Lutheran Student Movement
Supper and Gilchrist. 6 p.m., Lu
theran Campus Centre.
Graduate Student Society
DJ Night with Mary Mcallister. 7
p.m., Fireside Lounge.
UBC Film Society
SUBFilms: "Raising Arizona" (7
p.m.) and "The Princess Bride
(9:30 p.m.) SUB Auditorium.
CITR Radio
Sports broadcast: Western Division Semifinals for Western
League Playoffs Men's Hockey.
7:30 p.m.
Graduate S tude n t Society
Lave Band: The Free Radicals. 8
p.m.-12 midnite, Fireside Lounge
Came celebrate the end of term.
No cover charge, everyone wel
come.
FRIDAY
Lutheran Student Movement
Good Friday Walk. 2 p.m., Lynn
Valley Headwaters Park.
SATURDAY
Lutheran Student Movement
Eastern  Vigil.  10:30  p.m.,  Lu
theran Campus Centre.
Hot
Flashes
Disabled Students
Assistance
Disabled students requiring assistance with access to final exams or
anticipating specialized problems,
should contact the Student counselling & Resources Centre,
Phone 228-4858, Jan del Valle,
Co-ordinator of Services for
Disabled Students
Disabled Students
Scholarships
Disabled students should be
aware that the application deadline for scholarships and bursaries
specifically for students with disabilities is rapidly approaching.
The deadline is May 15th.
For more information,
please contact:
Jan del Valle,
Co-ordinator of Services for
Disabled Students,
Phone: 228-4858
Room 200, Brock Hall
Upstage
^^ ■ FOR HAIR
specializing in
classical & contemporary
hair sryles.
Offers 25% Off
All Service
To Students With
Their AMS Card
3614 W 4th Ave.
732-8664
Windsurfing Club
The UBC community, visitors and
others are invited to participate in
the best deal on windsurfing in
Vancouver!
Our club was formed several
years ago to give students and
others the opportunity to enjoy
windsurfing without great expense, windsurfing has greatly
increased in popularity over the
years and now is an Olympic sport.
While windsurfing is a physical
sport, it is important to realize
that mastering it has much to do
with practice and little to do with
physical strength.
Membership in the club is
good for one year. The club stores
its equipment at Jericho Sailing
Center located only minutes from
the UBC campus. Club members
become members of the Jericho
Sailing Center automatically enabling them to use the showers,
lockers and lounge facilities. All
necessary windsuring equipment
is supplied by the club and an introductory windsurfing lesson is
included in the membership.
Emphasis is also placed on
social activities.
For more information or
membership, drop by the office in
the SUB room 57, or phone 228-
3930.
Libertarian Club
April 11        Public Speech by
Dennis (.origan,
Monday        Leader ofthe
Libertarian Party
of Canada.
Everyone welcome.
7:00 pm Century Plaza Hotel
Ballroom,
1015 Burrard,
Vancouver
May 2 Tax protest day
10:00 am —
4:00 pm Revenue Canada
1166 West Pender,
Downtown
Vancouver
Contact Bill Tomlinson 980-7370
Libertarianism 101
Summer Lecture Series
Dates, locations TBA
Contact May Ann Nylen
736-2459
2/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 Bill passed,
kills election
day voting
By Deanne Fisher
The provincial government
has eliminated election day voting. Bill 28, which proposed
changes to the B.C. elections act,
was passed in the legislature
March llth.
Darlene Marzari, NDP MLA
for Point Grey opposed the bill
because it disenfranchises students who often register on election day due to their transient lifestyle.
The new act means "students
better be registered or they can't
vote" said Marzari's assistant Ian
Ried. "Marzari fought (the passing of the bill) right down to the
end. Unfortunately, it passed at
about the last hour of the last day
of the session."
UBC's   student  council   de
cided to oppose the bill in February and wrote a letter to Provincial
Secretary Elwood Veitch stating
their concerns.
"The AMS felt that there was
a possibility that students would
be disenfranchised," said AMS
external affairs coordinator, Lisa
Eckman.
In a letter addressed to Eckman, Veitch said, "It is my firm belief that no person who is interested in the democratic process in
this province need be disenfan-
chised. All thatisrequiredissome
small initiative on the part of the
voter."
Eckman said she was not
surprised that the bill passed. "I
got the indication that despite
(Marzari's) strong fight against it,
(the bill) would pass."
Strangway opposes charter
Enforced UBC retirement provision favoured
By Deanne Fisher
UBC president David Strangway has calledfor B.C. to opt out of
the Charter of Rights so that
mandatory retirement provisions
can be enforced at UBC.
The B.C. Court of Appeals
recently ruled that forcing UBC
professors to retire at age 65 constituted discrimination on the
basis of age and contravenes the
Charter.
"Every university needs a
certain amount of turnover? said
Gideon Rosenbluth, a professor
who was forced to retire in 1986.
But Strangway's request is "ridiculous? he added.
Strangway is concerned both
with saving money by hiring
younger professors at a lower rate
(about half the finishing salary)
and with bringing in "new blood"
said Rosenbluth.
Rosenbluth said the problem
of creating space for new professors can be dealt with by other
means, such as allowing for gradual retirement through part-time
work and making more flexible
pension and severence pay arrangements.
The university does not grant
retirement privileges equally
among faculties, Rosenbluth said.
And although many people may
wish to retire before age 65, they
may be forced to give up their offices and research facilites immediately, decreasing the incentive
to retire, said Rosenbluth.
Rosenbluth also said that at
universities in Quebec, Manitoba
and the U.S., where mandatory
retirement is not enforced, there
has not been "any tremendous
deterioration in intellectual levels."
"Many professors don't stay
on much longer than 65 (where
mandatory retirement is not enforced)? said Rosenbluth. "It
hasn't made a bit of difference."
But Point Grey MLA Darlene
Marzari, who raised Strangway's
request for debate in the legislature, said "the blame lies entirely
with the government for compelling universities to take drastic
cost-cutting measures."
"By removing B.C. from section 15 (the section ofthe Charter
of Rights which prevents discrimination on the basis of age), the
government would be taking a
sledgehammer approach to dealing with age bulge in B.C. universities."
Student board of governors
representative Bob Seeman said
he agrees with Strangway, and
UBC's need to cut costs and create
openings for younger professors
but "I don't think it's worth overturning a fundamental right? he
added.
"These (older) professors are
doing a great job. They're still in
theirprime. UBCcouldlosealotof
talent? said Seeman.
The case is now being appealed to the Supreme Court of
Canada. Rosenbluth and five
other professors are hoping to be
reinstated and compensated for
the loss of wages should the appeal
be defeated.
Rosenbluth said he expects a
verdict within the next two years.
Economic development of
endowment lands sparks
university campus debate
By Deanne Fisher
UBC student council will
debate the viability of economic
development of both university
and endowment lands tonight.
Two weeks ago, council tabled
a motion to oppose the development of university property pending more information. But yesterday, the board of governors decided to go ahead with a market
condominium development at
Wesbrook and 16th, on university
owned land.
"When you consider how
much money it'll bring in, it's kind
of hard to oppose it? said Bob Seeman, student board of governors
representative.
But AMS external affairs coordinator, Lisa Eckman is worried
the project will influence the
amount of provincial government
funding available for the university.
"If the real estate company
works so that it simply balances
the budget and provincial government decreases funding as a result, I would say do not develop?
said Eckman.
Seeman said this development on university land is tied to
the issue of developing the univer
sity endowment lands. "It's a preliminary trial program for land
(the university) hopes to get from
the province? said Seeman.
/ "The land has been there
since 1913. It hasn't raised a cent
for the university? said Seeman.
But Ian Ried, assistant to
Point Grey MLA Darlene Marzari
said "there have been a number of
studies accepted by all kinds of
bodies (ie. the Greater Vancouver
Regional District and City Council) and all show that all but about
80 acres of the endowment lands
should be turned into a park."
Marzari supports a hands-off
approach to the endowment lands
said Ried. "The lack of decent
funding (by the provincial
government)...is forcing the university into extremely unpopular
decisions?
President David Strangway
proposed in December that 400
acres of the endowment lands be
given to the university for development -100 for a research park and
300 for market development.
Seeman said he is in favour of
this proposal. "I know we need the
money. It shows how much I value
the university that I'm willing to
give (the land) up. It needs to be
done? said Seeman.
The land to be developed in
the proposal is between 4th and
16th avenues. The research park
would be an expanded version of
one on Triumf road which already
exists.
Seeman said the development
would actually increase mutual
fundingfor the university from the
private sector. "You get money by
developing things yourself and
also by attracting outside funding.
Money attracts money? said Seeman.
The external affairs committee is in favour of preserving the
endowment lands as a park, but
opposes development, said Eckman.
Chilliwack MLA John Jansen
has been appointed to study the
future of the endowment lands.
"He's been getting recommendations from everybody who has
anything to do with the land," said
Seeman.
Strangway has submitted
material to Jansen and is encouraging board members to make
their opinions known.
Jansen is to report back to the
provincial government by April
15th.
Endowment lands one minute parking next.
-f*7
eralg m'connell photo
Former assistant unofficial
Former Alma Mater Society
Assistant Director of Finance Karl
Kottmeier has triumphed
unofficially in his quest to become
the new AMS Director of Finance.
Kottmeier, according to
unofficial results released yesterday, won the close race to replace
Mike Fahy with 259 votes. Todd
Patola was unofficially second
with 233 votes, Michael Roberts
third with an unofficial 213 votes,
Jonathan Mercer fourth with 124
unofficial votes, Shaun unofficial
Bordoff fifth with 89 votes and
Dan Gomes unofficial with 56
votes.
"I intend to rob the unofficial
students of UBC blind, set up an
unofficial bank account in Switzerland for my loot and hire all my
unofficial relatives as AMS staff?
Kottmeier didn't say, unofficially.
Editors note: The AMS Elections
committee insists that these are
strictly unofficial results. The results become official 48 hours after
the count according to the AMS
constitution.
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/3 Engineers miss vote
By Andrew Boyle
A communications breakdown between the AMS and the
Engineering Undergraduate Society has prolonged the by-election
for Director of Finance. Official
results will not be available until
Thursday, March 31.
Engineers who voted in the
recent EUS executive election
were ineligible to vote in the DoF
election Thursday and Friday
because the number six on their
AMS sticker was already checked
off.
"It was the result of a lack of
communication between the AMS
and ourselves. We both assumed
when we shouldn't have", said
past EUS president Andrew Lar-
ter.
SAC had settled on number
six by asking what numbers had
already been used in other club
and faculty elections. The Engineering Undergraduate Society
did not receive the SAC memo.
"The notice was put in the
treasurer's mail slot, not in the
EUS   president's   slot   where  it
GMAT   LSAT     GRE
(Graduate Management
Admission Test)
(Law SchoolAdmissdonTest)
(Graduate Record Exam)
WEEKEND TEST PREPARATION COURSES
Offered at the University of British Columbia
• Includes Sexton text book, lectures and       ooo^cIoto
• One year personalized services. l__S_-*8__72
• Instructors hold PhD, MBA or LLB. 4
(bexton Educational Centers     #
PROFESSIONALS IN TEST PREPARATION *'
APPLICATION FOR SIX POSITIONS ON THE 1988/89
AMS SUB
SECURITY TEAM
Are Now Being Accepted
The Security Team works Wednesday, Friday
and Saturday nights in the Student Union
Building. The Team is responsible for
assisting the Proctor in protecting SUB from
vandalism, aiding security teams hired for
any function and implementing SAC policy in
SUB.
Application forms are now available in the
AMS Executive Secretary's office, SUB Room
238.
This position is open to UBC Students
male and female.
both
APPLICATIONS MUST BE RETURNED BY
4 p.m., Friday, April 8th, 1988
ST. GEORGE'S UNIVERSITY
SCHOOL OF MEDICINE
GRENADA
ST. VINCENT
Affiliated Hospitals in
New York State
New Jersey
United Kingdom
• Canadian Financial Aid Package —Qualified Canadian
citizens are eligible for loans and scholarships at St. George's
University through an attractive tuition package. Students
who qualify for the maximum would need to budget $3,000
(U.S.) for tuition per semester.
• Approved by the New York State Education Department for
the purpose of conducting a clinical program in New York
teaching hospitals. St. George's received a similar approval
from the New Jersey Board of Medical Examiners.
• The General Medical Council of the United Kingdom
officially recognized St. George's University School of Medicine on February 9, 1988. This recognition allows graduates
of St. George's to do postgraduate training in Great Britain.
• Over 700 St. George's students have transferred to U.S.
medical schools. More than 1,275 graduates; licensed in 44
states; hold faculty positions in over 25 U.S. medical schools;
25% have been chief residents in 119 U.S. hospitals (according to a 1986 survey).
For information     St. George's University School of Medicine
please Office of   ..missions c/o FMSSC
contact: One East Main Street • Bay Shore, NY 11706
(516) 665-8500
should have been? said Larter. He
also said that the timing of the
DoF election was unfortunate
because it coincided with changes
in executive positions in the EUS,
and that the inexperienced new
members may not have been
aware where the memo was.
But Ken Armstrong, chief
returning officer for the by-election, places the blame squarely on
EUS members.
They could have phoned the
AMS office to see which numbers
were open,  and it would have
taken about 20 seconds? he said.
In various elections held over
a three week span from late February to mid March, the EUS
checked off the numbers four, five
and six on AMS cards. Those who
voted in these elections were
turned away at the DoF polls.
A special election was held
Tuesday to allow those engineers
who were turned away on Thursday and Friday to vote.
Rishi Gill, SAC election
commissioner, said those who did
not try to vote last week did not get
another chance.
The 25 engineers who voted in
the special election on Tuesday
didn't alter the unofficial results
which had Karl Kottmeier declared new Director of Finance.
Karl Kottmeier unofficial winner
of D of F election as of Tuesday
Britain*8^
i___T BRITISH TOURIST AU
VANCOUVER DEPARTURES
WIDE BODY FLIGHTS
IN-FLIGHT MOVIES
DEPART (MONDAYS)
RETURN BY/BETWEEN
RETURN FARE
May 30
June 6, 13
June 27
$568
May 30
June 6, 13
July 4 - Aug. 22
$688
June 20, 27
June 27 - Sept. 5
$788
July 4 - Aug. 22
July 11 - Sept. 5
$788
Aug. 29 - Sept. 26
Sept. 12-Oct. 3
$688
CONNECTOR FARES — Add (per person) to the return fere.
Victoria/Nanaimo — $40, ftnticton/K_i**Joops/Kek>wna — $80
Prince George — $99, Whitehorse — $300
SENIORS DISCOUNT (60 yrs. plus) — Deduct $20 from return fare
EXTRA-WIDE SEAT SURCHARGE - Add $200 return
TRANSPORTATION TAXES EXTRA - Add $19 per person
^^^ Every i
A TRIP TO RENO OR VEGAS!
One trip for two to be drawn on every flight!
Every passenger on board will be eligible to win.
Book Your Flight With
r^ TRAVEL cms
Student Union Building
University of British Columbia
228-6890
Going YourWay!
4/THE UBYSSEY
March 30, 1988 Finding work is a job in itself
Students who want to get a job
this summer should not rely exclusively on the Canada Employment
Centre for Students, said the
supervisor ofthe Canada Employment Centre for Students on
Broadway.
"We're just part of getting a
job? said Brent Lymer. Students
should also be prepared to look in
the newspapers and go out and
actively meet employers as well,
he said.
An increase in jobs in the pulp
and paper industry and in marketing research will mean more jobs
for Engineering and Commerce
students, he said.
Other areas that remain steady
or are increasing in job opportunities are the recreation, pharmacy,
nursing, and clothing industries.
Jobs are also being created by the
federal and provincial government sponsored program Challenge '88.
Lymer said most career oriented jobs fall under the Summer
Employment Experience Development portion of the Challenge
program.
Under SEED, private sector
employers get up to $3.00 an hour
Librarian battles
decaying books
and must subsidize the wage. Nonprofit organizations such as universities, municipalities and hospitals get $4.00 per hour (the
minimum wage).
"Ifyou are willing to com pro-
mi se wages for career related work
experience it's good? said Lymer,
adding "otherwise you can probably get a job for $8.00 per hour but
it won't help you when you graduate."
Most non-profit organizations
don't top up the wage beyond the
minimum, while most private sector employers do, he said.
The Broadway CEC-S will
open April 25 at 1755 West Broadway.
By Steve Chan
By day she's a librarian. By
day she's also a one-woman commando unit. She is Dr. Suzanne
Cates Dodson: a newly appointed
librarian specially trained to preserve and protect the UBC library
collection.
Dodson's chief task in her new
posting at UBC is to counter-attack the gradual destruction of an
estimated twenty-five per cent of
the total UBC collection, last valued at $203,000,000.
Appointed in February, Dodson has spent the last month familiarizing herself with the various aspects of library material
preservation, and will be working
to develop preservation plans for
the UBC libraries, in addition to
her duties as division head of government publication and microform.
Dodson is not new to the preservation field. As head of microform,
she has been involved with preservation microfilming—the process
of photographing books onto
microfilms—to save irreplaceable
library material. In fact, her department recently microfilmed
the only complete collection ofthe
"Tairiko Nippo", a Japanese-Ca
nadian periodical published between 1908 and 1941, chronicling
the life of Japanese-Canadians in
Canada.
A UBC librarian for 25 years,
Dodson has been head of the government publication and microform division for the last 24 years,
and a fellow of the Canadian Mi-
crographic Society.
The author of the annotated
bibliography "A Guide to Microform Research Collection", Dodson recently began work on its
supplement. Yet, with her newly
added responsibilities, it may take
a while to finish.
Dodson obtained her undergraduate degree in zoology and
English, and her graduate degree
in librarianship from UBC. A cat-
loving life-time North Vancouver-
ite, she is also an accomplished
botanical watercolor painter, and
a musician, able to play the piano,
the harpsicord and the harp.
In June, Dodson will be in
Pari s to chair one of the ISO (Inter-
national Organization for Standardization) technical committees. She will work on international standardization on micrographics with application in library sciences.
Suzanne Dodson planning her strategy to save books
sieve chan photo
Womens soccer team surrepticiously moving goal to more strategic position during heated game against some other team.
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/5 Ubyssey Staff i
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Student cold
on Chile
tennis
tournament
On April 8 to 10th an elimination round of the Davis Cup
will take place at the War
Memorial Gym. I am not a
tennis fan and under normal
circumstances the tournament
wouldn't bother me. But the
circumstances are not normal;
Canada is playing an elimination round against Chile.
Not only is Chile situated
at the opposite end of the
cbntintent but also at the opposite end of the human rights
spectrum. Since 1973 when
Salvador Allende's Popular
Front government was ousted
on a coup, Augusto Pinochet
and his junta have been ruling
Chile. Along with the junta
came thousands of human
rights abuses: torture, disappearances and assasinations
by the army and the secret
services. Most of these abuses
are well documented in any of
Amnesty International's Annual reports and Urgent Actions. Also, any of the thousands of exiled Chileans living
in Vancouver can provide you
with all the gory details of recent Chilean history.
To accept such form of government by allowing its representatives to UBC shows no
consideration for any democratic form of
government
and for the
thousands of
victims of the ongoing repression in Chile.
Having a Davis Cup elimination round at UBC does accept the current Chilean government. The Chilean tennis
Singer sings a protest song
dave enns photo
Perspective
players do not come here as individuals. They are legitimate representatives of the Chilean government; otherwise the match
wouldn't be between Canada and
Chile.
My concern for human lives and
human  rights
and my abhorrence to the present
Chilean government demands
that I take a stand against the
representatives of Chile when
they come to UBC. I am sure there
are other people who feel the same
way about the Chilean government andits representatives. I
invite you to get together and
organize a protest against the
Chilean players.
The tournament in on
April 8 to 10th and there is not
much time. Give me a call at
228-4876 or 737-7750, or drop
by the Lutheran Campus
Centre this Friday, April 1, at
horacio de la cueva plays subversive sports whilst pursuing
his 9th year of Grad Studies.
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6/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 Principles worth dying for
not worth thinking about
Women in Canada in 1988
still earn only 70% of what their
male colleagues earn. Men still
hold the reins of political and corporate power. What's the problem,
and why is there not rioting in the
streets as a result? In par t it lies in
our non-critical approach to the
problem itself. Some segments of
the feminist movement - and
many women who do not expressly
identify with feminism - have
opted for a strategy of assimilation
to the corporate ideal without
adequately scrutinizing its assumptions.
Perspective
Prom this perspective, the
feminist problem appears as the
absence of a substantial pool of
qualified women from which to
draw in the struggle to gather influence and representation in the
corporate and political world. The
solution therefore appears to be to
encourage women to acquire technical and business training.
This approach is, I think, a
knee-jerk reaction which does not
adequately define the problem
and consequently misidentifies
the solution. The problem is also
widespread cultural and political
ignorance and misinformation in
the business world - not only
women's failure to gain access to
that world, though the two are
clearly related. This is overlooked
by all but theoretical and highbrow feminism. The assimilation
approach has its roots in a troublesome societal bias in favour of scientific and professional education
over the humanities and thus
lacks a critical perspective on that
corporate ignorance.
In framing the solution in
terms of this bias, the feminist
project is self-defeating. The "new
women" that assimilation encourages, technically and professionally trained, would reproduce the
inequities ofthe male order if the
solution is confined only to such
training.
The problem as defined by the
assimilation approach is that too
many women are continuing to
acquire traditional arts and humanities educations. Dianne
Herbst, of Vancouver's Society for
Women in Science and Technology
has said of this pattern that often
women are "shortsighted and do
not realize that most women have
to have a career" (Ubyssey, Feb. 5).
The implication that the arts are
less important than science -
something one does for a hobby
before more rigorous and "real"
scientific or professional training -
points to the deeper problem of
our societal anti-culturalism.
Why is it not argued that men
are "trapped" in the intellectual
void of theengineeringor computer
science programs? Do we really
wish to assimilate as many women
as possible to those levels of cultural, and intellectual stagnation
in the name of "career equality"
between the sexes? It is not
enough to raise women to the male
standard of skill and salary; the
politics and principles which allow
the inequity of that standard to
exist must be overhauled.
No one would argue with the
view that an efficient strategy in
the struggle for gender equality
would be to infiltrate the ranks of
the white male professional class
with competently trained women.
So far, so good. But that is only one
part of the equation. Ideas, as well
as skills, are liberating. Universities are collapsing into professional training schools to the detriment of the liberal arts tradition
from which they have developed,
and merely encouraging more
women to enroll in traditionally
male faculties does not address
this real problem.
Look at the status quo. It is no
accident that the male order, historically oriented by scientific and
There seem to be principles worth arming nations to defend, worth
dying for, yet not important enough to study in
universities.
professional training, has been
and is able to ignore the struggle
for sexual and other equality.
Crudely put, its technological and
corporate mentality does not understand equality; its currency is
efficiency.
Is this a cultural standard we
want to promote amongst women,
or should we be encouraging alternatives to it for both sexes? One
suspects that the social idiocy
paraded by engineering faculties
would not disappear were these
faculties populated by more
women - it would just take a
slightly different form. The answer is not ony to encourage
women to enter the sciences and
the professions, but also to encourage men and women to acquire a
substantial liberal arts education.
And this must be more than one
elective per year!
One need only look at the
male monopolies successfully broken by women to see what is still
missing. Women are roughly
equally represented in the law,
medicine, and commerce faculties
but the deeper problem remains:
one does not find any significant
depth of progressive or even reflective intellectual activity in any of
these places. The male hold over
technological knowledge should
be broken, but so should that ofthe
marginalized over culture and the
humanities. These are more than
"diversions" to be enjoyed on weekends while recuperating from the
"real" world.
The standards and tools by
which the process of sexual and
economic equalization can be performed are not to be found in technology or business, but in the
humanities. There is no reason
why the discourse of justice, liberty, and equality cannot be integrated into technical and professional study. These are the values
to which our technological society
pays lip-service but sacrifices in
our education system to technical
and corporate competence.
The idea seems to be that
these are principles worth arming
nations to defend, worth dying for,
yet not important enough to teach
and study in our universities. This
is starkly evident in the study of
the "ancient and honourable" profession of law, where "policy" considerations surface only as matters of interest, and jurisprudence
- the study of the philosophical
principles on which the law is
based - is not a required course.
Ponder that one a minute. Other
law faculties have recognized this
paradox in their curricula and
have cross-appointed professors
from humanities departments to
address it. Not ours. Such professors might be shocked at what
they would find - or rather what
they would not find - in the law
school.
The sacrifice comes in the
general societal level of fluency in
the vocabulary of justice, liberty
and equality. Most people have
only very vague notions about
what these values actually consist
of and how they relate to other
powerful social forces such as technology.
No doubt some women are
"shortsighted" in not choosing to
acquire a technical or professional
education, but arguably the real
shortsightedness is in society encouraging both men and women -
now equally - to believe that success can only be achieved on these
traditional male terms. Clearly
the process of formulating an alternative approach will necessitate a revolution in values, as well
as in the hierarchical social structure itself. This will not be accomplished without ideas, and ideas
are not forthcoming from a business world simply "joined" by
women.
There are no simple solutions
here, but clearly the level of the
discourse of ideas must be raised.
If women achieve only a mimicry
of the male order, it will be a hollow victory.
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March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/7 JWU7
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continued frontpage 18
"Irwin" fixed the game and won $200 himself.
Other guests, includingPaulaPoikonen.Stephen
Hunt, Mike Laanela, Florence Louie and Wanda
Chow won another $100 between them. Poor
Duddy was left penniless. But a committee of
guests including Melody Cook, Chris Brereton,
Alexandra Johnson and Andrew Boyle raised
$500 between them. Jennifer felt guilty and gave
Duddy back the money Robert "Irwin" had won on
the crooked roulette wheel.
The next day he jumped Deanne "Yvette"
Fisher and found his land all at the same time.
Deanne took him to a spot he had never been to
before. Deanne said "Let's go down to the ocean."
Not yet worldly Duddy said he didn't have a suit,
and besides, where was the ocean. The ocean is
right here, she said. Duddy abandoned her with
her dress half oft and ran down the beach to the
ocean.
His heart began to pound. It was pristine.
There was not one house overlooking the beach
and pine trees stretched away above him. Deanne
was naked by this point but Duddy hardly noticed. He dove in the ocean and turned puce. As
Deanne fiercely rubbed him down, he demanded
"Have you ever brought anyone else here." She
replied 'You're jealous" and thought wistfully of
Jody Woodland, Dave Weber, Greg "In Two Years
It Will Be Dead" Yip, Mark Langton and Rolf
Boone. Duddy asked if anyone else had ever been
there. She said that local farmers' children Shari
bte (aka Pam Dawber) Abdullah, microsoft Neil
Lucente, Mary Ainslee, Lindsey Elliot, Angie
Mclldoon and Paul Preto used to swim there
naked when they were younger (and homier) but
nobody else knew the place. Duddy was relieved,
quickly made love to her, and asked her to help
him buy the land surrounded by the ocean.
Deanne told him the lovely forest surrounded by
the pounding ocean was called the University Endowment Lands, complete with its own fire and
police departments and a golf course.
Duddy had to get that land.
Tm going to build a Kaon Factory, luxury
reservoir tipped condominiums for yuppy professors, a northern branch of the Betty Ford clinic,
and a thirty story Hyundai dealership and bedding plant nursery. He thought of how much fun
Dick MoBher, Justine Brown, Kelly Duncan,
Panos Grames and Pat Kirkwood would have
wallowing in the Kaons and Mazola while rebounding off the quarks.
Duddy returned to his boy hood home full of
plans to make money so he could get the land. He
wanted to meet Ross "Jerry (the Boy Wonder)
Dingleman" McLaren so he could get into serious
business ventures in cooperation with high-tech
industry. Max told him to talk to Ann Rogers,
Michael Smart, Sany Zein, Deanne Mould and
Lydia Schymansky about the Boy Wonder's
whereabouts. Then his father remembered Ross
the BW was in Courtenay on business. "He once
took a ferry all the way to Victoria BC for a
weekend," said Max.
Raising money wasnt as easy as Duddy
had hoped. In the evening he drove his father's
cab. In the daytime he took business administration. He even joined film we. One day he met
Steve "Peter John Friar" Chan, a distinguished
director of documentary films. Steve impressed
him but he drank too much and it was rumoured
he was a communist. Chan waB the final piece
Duddy needed to make his master plan of filming
weddings and bar mitzvahs. He already had
orders from the proud parents of Teena Carnegie,
Peter Lancaster, Antoine St Pierre, Tom Bode,
and Adam Jones. But first on his list was Victor
Chew Wong and his proud parents "Darth" Victor
Wong and the luscious Debbie Lo.
Chan said it would be no trouble. He would
hire the bumbling but well-hung Stephen Wisenthal and the cheerful but unemployed David Ferman as gaffer and beBtboy respectively. Duddy got
the contract for two grand if Mr. Wong liked it The
Wong bar mitzvah waB a sight for red eyes. Yaku,
totem artiste and carver cum activist sculpted a life
size model of the bar mitzvah boy in chopped liver.
Food was catered by Mark Seeparada, Teresa de
Bou, Dale Enns, and Franka Cordua von Sprecht
Rabbi Chris Wongberg presided over the ceremony
and tried to conduct a circumcision on young and
supple Randy Shore . . . but the member wasn't
willing. The bar mitzvah boy's BiBter Ada Wong
looked lovely in her silk taffeta dress sewn by the
effete Michael St. Amour, and Jeff Silver_tein.
In the days that followed, Duddy doubted
there would ever be a film. Unfortunately there was.
Tat tat tat tatatatata screamed the divebom-
bing stuka guns manned by the teutonic and busty
Laura Busheikin, Michael Gostinik, Geoff Castle,
Noel Delahunt, and the lecherous/ambidextrous
Mary McAllister.
NARRATOR: Older than the banks ofthe Nile, not
so cruel as the circumcision rite that John Merrick,
Chris Dodd, Aaron Drake, Tim McGrady, and
Kenneth Kam painfully suffered at the hands of
Sigma Ki, and even more intricate than the snow-
flake is the bar mitzvah.
Closeup of slaves Grace Aquino, Barry Davis,
Mike Gordon, Norm Keevil and Ian McLaren being
whipped under Egyption sun by Peter McDougall,
Carolyn Diamond, Martin Dawes and Allison Bell.
NARRATOR: From generation to generation, for
years before Christ Montage. Lightning strikes
the Bexually frustrated Lisa Langford. African
tribal dance featuring Julia Denholm e, Peter Craig,
Kyoko Oka and Chris von Bormann. Speeded up
jitterbug contest with Carolyn Sale, Pat Nakamura,
and Anya Waite competing furiously. Gordon Clark
slaughtering cow with SwIsb Army Knife. Fireworks against night Bky. A Lion roars. Ad for
Maidenform bras modeled by Gordon Clark, David
Chu, Peter Francis, Bob Harris and Simon Koch.
NARRATOR: This is the Btory of one such Hebrew
babe, and how he was at last accepted aB an adult
member of his tribe.
Extreme closeup of bar mitzvah boy with
Bona Biro, Sean McLaughlin, Jennie Mott, Steven
Scrimshaw and Bob Snowdon vomiting and giggling in background.
Closing with bar mitzvah boy in gradually
fading soft focus as Handel's Messiah plays. Duddy
sat through one ofthe longest silences he had ever
experienced. Finally Rabbi Wongberg spoke.
'Brilliant/ he said. "A work of art Puppy.
Mummy. Wawanesa."
Everyone began to speak at once and Steve
Chan took his bows.
When Duddy came home he found out about
his brother Robert. It Beemed his sexual escapades
had caught up with him. He was nowhere to be
found.
Duddy discovered Robert had been hanging
out with the football team, particularly Sailen
Black, David Crawford, Vincent Gruneau, Heather
Jenkins and Hai Le.
And he thought that he had knocked up head
cheerleader Corinne "Sandra" Bjorge, a knockout
Norwegian. Duddy went to visit her to reassure her
and try to find his brother. Corinne was evasive and
told him to Btop whining.
And to top thingB off, Duddy1 b epileptic driver
Don Isaak had an accident while delivering condom
dispensers to a bathroom frequented by James,
David and Kathy Young, as well as Alan Nichols
and Elynn Richter (no relation to Mordechai).
And he had lent Steve Chan $500 as an
advanceon his next film about the strange habits
of Gloria Loree, Brent Lymer, Steven CheBB and
Tim Pearson. But Chan had skipped with the
money.
Duddy thought he would never get his
land for the university which he had taken over
in a coup where he overthrew Kevan Kennedy,
James Boucher, Jessica Mathers and Judy Mah.
He stole money from Deanne, Don and all
the people he knew and loved and got the Endowment Lands by elbowing aside Mandel Ngan,
Lisa Doyle, Thomas Wahler and Frank Nezil.
Tony Wopkema, Rona Oger, Lana Olsen
and Judy Mah tried to stop him from turning the
beautiful forest into profitable industrial wasteland but plans went ahead without pause.
Big time developers Carol Ann McKenna,
George Oliver, Lana Olsen, Gwenyth Cathyl,
John Boeh and Alex Bradley opposed low rent
housing for the new pleasure garden and brac-a-
brae emporium that would be built on the land.
The view-obscuring multistory car park
waB designed by Michael Bryant and Nancy
Canning expressly for the use of skateboarders
Tannis Sawkins, Steve Preece and Nancy Moir.
Drug crazed hippies Michael Bryant,
Cathy Chung, Dusan Milotovik and Stuart Der-
deyne tried to stage a sit-in but they were intimidated by hired goon Greg Davis.
So Duddy triumphed in the end. He surveyed the wintery scene in a clearing in the
middle ofthe EndowmentLands. He peed on the
Bnow. He carefully spelled out:
"Tuum Est." ^,
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8/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 Tell Me About Laura
blends facts and fantasy
By Laura Busheikin
I   simply had to review Tell
Me About Laura, the new
play by Chilean playwright Egon
Wolff. My name is rarely in the
title of a play. Here is a chance,
I thought, to answer that eternal
question: who am I?
THEATRE
Tell Me About Laura
Kits House Hall
Wednesday through Sunday
to April 23
The answer was...well, inconclusive and rather disturbing.
Laura, you see, doesn't actually
exist. Well maybe she does. But
maybe she's only the creation of
someone's imagination. I don't
mean the playwright's imagination, I mean one of the
character's.
Wait a minute—what's truth
here and what's fiction???
That's a question that runs
through the lives of Wolffs characters Albert (William Simpson)
and Kate (Barbara McColl) like
an unstable thread—pull it and a
whole tapestry may unravel.
This tapestry is crafted out ofthe
bright wool of their fantasy lives,
out of their bizarre rituals, out of
mutual obsessions and the
unwholesome bonds of their
symbiotic relationship.
Albert is a frustrated, nerdy
shoe salesman who lives with his
slow-witted mother, Kate.
Cooped up together, they spend
their time playing practical jokes
on each other—the same ones,
again and again. They use the
TV as a tool to avoid each other
when either petulance or fear
drives them to do so. But they
can't leave each other alone—
each constantly needs a reaction
from the other. Like lovers. The
incestuous undertone of their
relationship builds slowly
through the play, beginning subtly with a son complimenting his
mother on her soft skin and ascending to his open declaration of
love for her.
The prominence of Albert
and Kate's fantasy lives also
builds gradually. Albert's
practical jokes grow into elaborate theatrical pranks, with
props and makeup and special
effects. His answers to the
routine question "How was your
day, son?" get more and more
outlandish. He tells tales of rape
and violence, of being fired, and
of Laura, who walks with him
through graveyards and is coated
in silvery scales.
The play, with its recurring
images and blending of reality
and illusion, is half poem, half
nightmare, and is irresti stably
fascinating. The Kitsilano
Theatre Company deserves
credit for taking the risk of
presenting a play which is
neither well known nor conventional.
Director Kico Gonzales-Risso
wisely keeps the production
straightforward. Such a. complex
play, like a multi-faceted jewel,
needs a simple setting.
McColl and Simpson play off
each other effectively, but never
draw sparks. The sexual tension
between them should be more
apparent; they should, at times,
simmer with forbidden eroticism.
Simpson plays Albert with
total commitment to the role, but
doesn't know when to stop. His
work would benefit from more
subtlety; nothing is more distracting to an audience than
watching an actor act.
Still, Simpson and McColl
fulfill the demands of this
intense two-hander, never letting
the momentum lag. They succeed
in making weird characters believable—no easy task. And
somehow the roots of their
weirdness are eerily familiar;
they are reacting to the limitations of life which threaten to
drive all of us crazy.
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/9 Your PC Publishing Centre
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OTTIMA
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"" lit;j^pf;^jilriwipiift'
Centennial Theatre Centre
2300 Lonsdale, North Vancouver
\n CoNCegV
Saturday,
may Z
8 pm
all tickets $12 available at
VTC/CBO outlets, 280-4444
Dead on target
By Kelly Duncan
Ignore the TV commercials for
DOA. With sappy lines like,
"he needs her help, she needs his
love? they promise trite love/
hero stories. Blech. Boring. And
mi srepresen tati ve.
DOA is a thriller, done as
thrillers were meant to be done.
It is tense, spare, intelligent, and
has lots of great plot twists (bet
you don't guess who the murderer is!)
FILM
D.O.A.
Capitol Six
The plot centers around Dexter Cornell (Dennis Quaid), an
once-brilliant novelist who now
works as a cynical, hardened professor of undergraduate English.
Dex discovers that he has
been poisoned—and he doesn't
know how, why, when, or by
whom. So, he gathers up Sydney
Fuller, one of his studnets
student (with whom he had been
drinking with the night of his
poisoning), and they go in search
of answers.
Meg Ryan as the reluctant
Sydney manages to capture the
essence of the average eighteen-
year-old co-ed: wide-eyed, malleable, her head at least partially
in the clouds; yet capable of
putting her foot down when
neccessary. She is likeable, her
endurance is admirable, and her
growing devotion to Dex is
beleivable.
Dennis Quaid turns in a
very solid performance as Dex.
He is a complex character—
reminiscent of Harrison Ford's
Indiana Jones (in the classroom
scenes) in dress and demeanor—
rumpled, hardened, difficult. He
sees his wife slipping away from
him because he has ceased to
care about his work in particular
and about life in general. He
teaches his colleagues how to
play the game; how to publish or
perish and get ahead in the
academic system. In the course
of the movie, he learns about
success and its meaning, and
about the true quality of life. He
re-learns to appreciate life when
he learns that he will die in
twenty-four hours.
Fortunately, DOA avoids the
predictable turns of plot that
usually center around a hero
learning that he is about to die.
Sydney and Dex do not jet
around the world in search of a
miracle antidote to Radium
Chloride. Dex doesn't even get
the girl in the end. However, the
movie is immensely entertaining
for this reason—it is unpredictable.
The cinematography is excellent, with skillful use of
unusual shots, angles, and
techniques which illustrate the
view through Dex's eyes as his
condition worsens. DOA is an
incredibly clean production—
there is nothing extraneous. For
example, a seemingly random
shot ofthe Varsity tarpits
foreshadows a big scene in the
tarpits later on. Only images
necessary to the plot are used—
and the same goes for characters.
There are no walkons in the
movie at all (although Timbuk 3
do make a cameo appearance).
Watch for Christopher Neame, who plays Dex's friend and
colleague, Hal. Watch for him
because this is Chris Elliot (from
David Letterman) — an actor
which I, for one, have never
taken at all seriously. He does a
fine job in this supporting role as
the fun-loving junior professor.
All in all, DOA is fun. It is
scary, it is suspenseful—but
most of all, it is unusual in its
cleverness, in its consistency,
and in its execution.
Art hits the fmat
Laundry covers walls
pat nakamura photo*
By Gregory Kenneth Davis
A group of Vancouver
women have produced
interesting concept concerning
life, art, and dirty laundry. They
decided that art galleries were
not the exclusive domain for self
expression, and that laundromats were the ideal place to
bring art to the community.
The women believed the galleries were becoming too stringent. "I don't like the scene of
the art community, but this was
interesting? said one ofthe
women, who prefers to be
referred to as Lady Seymour. "It
was a platform for women to
express themselves and reach
people in the normal world."
ART
Womens Art Show
Great West Coin Laundry
The women believe that the
laundromat environment is a
fresh departure from art galleries, and does not ostracize art
from the working world. For
many of the women not involved
in the art world, this was also an
opportunity to exhibit their
material.
Seymour and many of the
women do not think of themselves as artists, but rather as
"doers." "Everyone should be
doing stuff, it's not only artists
who should have the right to
express themselves and show it
in places? said Seymour.
In some circumstances, the
concept works. The off-the-wall
art is unique and has appeal for
those who do not visit many galleries, but would like to see new
art. Some of the work is purely a
personal visual experience, while
some of it, such as the photographs at West 4th Laundry,
ofTered feminist a social message
applicable to everyone. The
designs were accented by the
uniform row of Maytags below.
Customer reaction has been
mixed.
"I feel the art is somewhat
violent, but my four-year-old
likes it? commented one woman
viewing the psychedelic dinosaur
pictures on display at Great
West Coin Laundry.
A woman who only identified
The art showing at Launder
All was more suited to the
laundromat setting, made of old
clothes and cloth, but the owner
complained of lack of wall space
for both art and notices pertaining to the business. The next
The designs were
accented by the
uniform row of
Maytags below
step would be to erase the
distinction between art and
business, and have everything in
the 'mat arranged as part ofthe
exhibit.
The exhibition is over now
(it ended March 26) and whether
the public is ever to see its like
again will all depend upon the
image laundromats want to
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herself as the wife ofthe owner
of Williams Laundromat had
discouraging words. "We thought
it would have more to do with
laundry. Some customers really
like the idea, while others don't
think it's art. I don't think a
laundromat is a place to display
art."
project, and the type of artists
who approach them. It is clear
that most of the clientele and
owners want to see something
more mainstream. The avant-
garde pieces were original and
exciting, but a laundromat
usually has to cater to general
public taste.
10/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 $500 minimum outside lower mainland
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 30,1988
FREE TO RESIDENTS OF VANCOUVER
ROCK AND ROLL IDOL JIMI HENDRIX
HAS TAKEN POSSESSION OF THIS FORMER ALTAR BOY'S FORMERLY PENTA-
COSTAL BODY, S3
Israeli soldiers
meanly assault
TV celebrity
Rooters
JERUSALEM — Fred Rogers, taking his
highly acclaimed PBS series Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood to the war-torn Middle-East, today received a severe beating from Israeli soldiers who
believed him to be inciting Palestinian children
to commit terrorist acts.
According to Israeli government sources, Rogers reportedly offered to show Palestinian children how to make Molotov cocktails. Shlomus
Abraham, official spokesman for the Israeli Defense Forces, said, "He was saying:"Can you say
"Molotov Cocktail', kids? Sure, sure you can.
Do you want to know how to make one? Sure,
sure you do.' At that point our soldiers intervened and arrested him."
Rogers, reached at his bedside, declined comment. 'Talk to my lawyer."
Israeli authorities have been experiencing a
great deal of difficulty with American children's
show hosts over the last several months. Last
December, Pee-Wee Herman was arrested for
inciting children lo scream whenever the word
'fishbat' was used in conversation. Defense analysts concluded that Herman was obviously anti-
fish, and since fish is a favorite Israeli food, had
to be ejected from the country.
Lokalla to become
low-rent housing
By KEEPS BLARNY
Bolivian slumlord Pablo Piecimeali is the leading
bidder for the soon-to-be-privatized Lokalla prison
site.
Economic development Minister Grace McCarthy said in an interview that "BC is on the verge
of breakthrough in prison reform and Mr Piecimeali
has made a very attractive offer."
"Piecimeali sees prison inmates as an unyoked
ox, in terms of labour exploitation. Through a
simple incentive system, he intends to turn their
riotious energy into profits."
"The part cabinet finds most attractive is that his
plan requires no start up capital or monitoring or
annual funding. We as socreds see this as the ideal
social welfare program."
"There is the strong possiblity of some of his
ideals flowing over into other programs such as
education or social assistance"
Corrections officials confirm that Piecimeali's
program would aim to use the human capacity to
work marathon shifts when "encouraged" by a new
type of electronic stimuli.
Prisoners would be put on a system with strong
incentives for a high level of production, and would
only have to fallback on this "encourage." towards
the end of "super production" shifts.
Possible jobs suggested for the prisoners included
collating usable paper from municipal refuse.
"Whatever they do," saidMaCarthy," I'm sure it
will turn a profit. Quite simplely, the prison will run
on revenues.
Reagan offers
Shade-Aid
Associated Test
WASHINGTON — President Ronald Reagan,
speaking to a convention of would-be tinpot dictators, offered delegates U.S. support in the form of
subsidized Foster-Grant sunglasses.
"I know how hard it is to get a good pair of
sunglasses in those third-world type countries.
When Nancy and I visited Imelda and Ferdinand
Marcos, they told us about the problems they had
getting good sunglasses," Reagan said as he slurped
his Ovaltine.
WEATHER
CI
//////////////'
There is a possibility of continuous
showers tomorrow, turning to rain later
in the day, interspersed with precipitation. Otherwise the day will be mostly
cloudy and damp with storms, hurricanes and possible tornados in the early
mom.and the possibility of a freak hail
storm raining hail the size of bowling
balls, bring your umbrella and a bomb
shelter, if you have one. Have a nice day.
On the other hand, it could be sunny and
hot.
LOTTERIES: A2, C3, D4, F6, LS, F9 OR.,
INDEX
Golf..-..	
Caber Toss	
Haggis recipes.....
Golf..	
Lotteries	
R. Burns poems..,
Golf	
Curling	
Money	
Golf	
Free TV Guide....
Classified Ads....
Youse 	
You	
Y3
L3
X9
A87
PB
AH4
N67
S8
m-9o
C8
MS
XS90
J8
D9
:tassrfied 55S-SELL
it**********
Us M8
Them 095
Those behind you E87
Them there B3
Golf Z«
Horoscopes J67
Tea Leaves W34
Palmislry 096
Phrenology N99
Golf B7
Curling — X4
Curling C5
Pit pups Y77
Golf C55
Circulation 555-DUMP
MANY PAGES
FOUNDED 1928 * VOL 388.5 • No. 36938
WbtVantQubtt
ANGUS MCTAVISH MCTAVISH MCTAG-
GART COMPLAINS ABOUT HIS SEX LIFE
TO ANN LANDERS, D9
Liver pup traverses nation for operation
BY TEARIN' 'N GRABBIN
Puppy Jessica's perky bark may never again be
heard in the MacGregor household. This tiny pit
bull puppy is waiting for a donor for a desperately
needed liver transplant.
In the meantime Jessica needs special care, and
is steadily losing weight. The MacGregor family
take turns keeping an all night vigil by her bedside.
"We've been through so much already," said
Sue MacGregor, "We lie awake at night and listen
to her whine. It's heartbreaking."
Jessica has a rare liver disease thought to be
caused by the fact that her parents were fed alcohol
to make them fierce for fighting. She has been on
a waiting list at The Rover Memorial Animal hospital for three months. Veterinarians give her six
weeks to live.
Brown eyed Jessica spents much of her time
sleeping in her doggie bed, but Joey MacGregor,
12, says that she still livens up for daily walks
around the block, and enjoys fetching sticks, but
slowly.
"But she won't chase the Postman anymore," he
added sadly.
Neighbors have rallied around the MacGregor
family, donating money for dog biscuits and medicine, and dropping by regularly to visit with Jessica.
"Jessica has a marvellous disposition," says
neighborBambi Macleod, "I often spend time with
her, scratching her belly and behind her ears. She
loves affection."
Bambi's brother, Bimbo Macloed, is spearheading a fundraising campaign to send Jessica to
Glasgow where a donor is available. Bimbo is
planning to crawl to the North Pole to raise awareness of the issue.
"If Jessie dies, it will be a tragedy," says Bimbo,
"The MacGregor household would be a sad, lonely,
tragic, pathetic empty shell without her furry
wrinkled face, and cute litte squashed up nose to
bring joy to the family."
Pit Bull livers are scarce, says Veterinarian Dr.
McGooff, because "most Pit Bull terriers die in
fights, and often their livers are damaged. Sick pit
bull owners—I mean, the owners of sick pit bulls—
compete ruthlessly for organs. It's a dog eat dog
world out there."
The MacGregors worry that anti-Scottish sentiment in their neighborhood will hinder their
chances of obtaining a liver. Jessica herself was
born in Edinborough, but her bark has no trace of
Scottish accent.
"Puppy Jessica, regardless of her origins, deserves all the help we can giveher," says McGooff,
"She's an adorable, darling, brave little puppy."
PUPPY JESSICA awaits salvation
Tartan peril terrorizes
ANGUS" pauses to reflect on his new role in the community, but can only be shown from the waist up.
By SCARY COCKS
Long-time British Properties residents are shocked,
anxious, appalled, and up in arms over the ongoing
and steady inflow of Scots into their close-knit, tight,
community.
The residents say they are concerned, worried and upset over the behavior of the new "Canadians,"
saying they let their children run in the street in funny plaid skirts without underwear and toss sawed-off
telephone poles. Others complain the new immigrants are lowering real estate prices.
Wyng Chang, who has lived in the British Properties for more than 15 years, said his neighbour's $1.2
million house wasn't bought by the "thrifty Scots" until the price had dropped to $800,000.
"They are prepared to hold out for the price that they want to pay," said Chang, lamenting "they aren't
bidding up prices."
West Vancouver Alderman Jayne Mansfield said city council had turned down and rejected a bid by
the Scottish Benevolent Association to change the name of the British Properties to the Scottish
Highlands.
"Up your kilt," said Angus, and then he openly
exposed himself.	
"We won't stand for this ethnic favoritism," she said.
Sentinel Secondary School Principal Ron Obvious complained and objected to the effect of their
"strange, unusual customs" on the school community.
"We've had three twisted ankles this week because of the holes left in the field by a sinister late night
ceremony they call caber tossing," said Obvious.
"Members also frequently expose themselves in class, frightening other children. It's so easy, you
know. All they have to do is lift their skirts... uh, sorry, kilts," he added with a grimace.
And Sargeant Morris Chat ofthe West Vancouver police said there was a substantia], big problem with
Scottish Youth Clans.
"These youths are hardened criminals at 15," said Chat, adding "they pushhaggis on children as young
as seven."
He said that most of the caber tossing and haggis pushing and other strange behavior could be blamed
on the gangs. "The rest of the community is peace loving."
In an impromptu, unplanned chance street interview with a clanmember who would only give the name
Angus, the Vancouver Stunned asked whether there was a haggis problem in West Vancouver schools.
"Up your kilt," said Angus, and then he openly exposed himself.
Community leader Hamish "Tam" McTaggart defended his people at a gathering Wednesday: "The
clans are just sowing their wild oats. Spirited lads will toss their cabers about you know."
He said his race doesn't have a deleterious effect on prices, adding, "a Scotsman's home is his castle."
Please see OPEN KILTS, A23
Peoples Patter to The Pope
A Stun'd Special Report
What do British Columbians think about the Pope - what he does, what he says, what he wears? Today's Vancouver Stun'd
will present part one of a fourteen part Stun'd Special Report - People's Patter to the Pope. The first report includes a province
wide poll conducted by Mucktrend Research and a questionnaire for our readers dealing with every major issue ever associated
with the Pope. You can help stop Rome's biggest fashion faux-pas and win a chance of a trip for two to Las Vegas just by answering the questions.
THEPOPE
A
N
D
Y
O
U
6. In the interests of international fairness, should the
Vatican be relocated every
four years, like the Olympics.
Yes
No
Maybe
3. What is the difference
between a pontiff and a pontoon?
Yes
No       Bumble bee
1. Should Popes be exempt from
mandatory retirement laws?
Yes
No
4. What does the 'Pope wear
under his robe?
Yes
No
Huh?
5. Should the position of Pope
be interdenominational and
democratically elected?
Yes
No
Fashion style suggested by Stun'd readers for the popular pontiff A3
A SILLY NEWSPAPER
Not affiliated with any reputable Press Council
Published by Pathetic Press Ltd.,
Vancouver B.C.
EDITORIAL PAGE
GOOSE BLABSON Editor
MOOSEMALARCHY Managing Editor
LOOSE MCHUSSY Morals Editor
PLONKETT INPLACE Technical Editor
MICKEY MOUSE Editor Emerimouse
••••.
WEDNESDAY MARCH 30,1988
Pitbulls are not bad
dogs, just pathetic,
misunderstood and
ravenous at times
Pitbulls are a misunderstood animal. Inbred until their teeth are bigger than
their brains, these serene creatures need compassion, not rejection.
The public furor over a few isolated maimings and dismemberments of small
children has elevated the status of pitbulls to that of cold blooded killer.
However, the snarling, bloodthirsty image of these dogs is an unfair representation of what many consider people's best friend.
We must take into consideration the cause of these attacks. Maybe they are
merely a reaction to the stresses of urban living. Blaming a helpless animal is
just silly. After all, city noise, traffic, and pollution can make anyone crazy.
It is time we think of some practical and reasonable solutions to this alleged
crisis. Shooting one of God's creatures is just too drastic. Stress-management
programs for pitbulls is one answer. Dog rehabilitation clinics is another.
Pitbulls have been called many things, from unpredictable, to beady-eyed
and ugly. Just don't call them late for dinner, that's when they get really mad.
Illeteracy is a problem which should be
addressed questioned, thought
about and slammed
In this days of booming growth of economics in our illustrius fair
province with unemployment is down an amazing .25 per cent lets give credit
where credit is due. Rampant illiteracy is bad. The economix of the province
are such that not only are the impoveriched not getting into none of the
instituitions of higher education, but have not even being provisioned with a
minion of what is rechoired to gain excess into these often prestigious and
lofting abodes of learnedness.
That is, not to purpose that all impoveriched plebiscites are of equal
unenrichedness, but they may not be desirous of ascending to intelligentsia,
although they have been provisioned with illustrious opportunities they have
not milked the well dry, they have unearthed the aura of opportunities lain and
bequeathed unto them by the established establishment who reside in un-
humbled establishments.
Let not he or she who hath casteth the first book of unchastened words
ramble on to the pulpit of literasy. Tis truly. For let us not forgoeth our daily
suplement of nouns adjectives, and verbs and taketh forgranted the hastening
of a mild education.
Is it not the common responsibility of the unfetered state. To take the
dreary wordless existence of propriety for granted. The illeterate must unite
and flagelate the state into skisms of seizures. They must print and post. Bills.
They must circulate obnoxious chronicles of dictionarious pamphlets which
point in the direction of, which leed to, which traverse, which go into conjunctions, which need to, which hurt those rich oppressive types of folks which
shouldn't have any anyways.
It is a phenomenalistic capitalistic conspiritaoriatoial demise of a
supercillious theorem of socialist opperssion conceved by a dastardly duo of
dynamic dunderheads. Despite our troubles reading and riting, we know our
illeteration, eh? Althought meny socreds think they can pul the wul out from
under us were to sly like foxes to be caught in the chickens nest of ignorans.
We have lerned our selfs and we have lerned our selfs right into
geniushood. We will not be opresed. We shall over come, or come over if we
dont get there first. Look we gots a whole buncha big lerned type insttittuttions
in this beautifuul province. Let'd get in there and use them and use them
goodly. Only plastic martyrs of spandex pompous grimness painfully overseen our ludicrass obscene skools know how hard it is to gets a good education
without always running into busted syntax, and provincial and federal type
taxes.
Let's bust some heads. Like we busted ours lerning to rite this good. We
are only wanted for our mussels not for our brains or good looks (and some of
us look so good we dont even have to wear glasses) but no, in this province of
the gloriuous futur we will be the brightest generation that the world has
everseen. Or tried to forget. We will be what we are. We will be what we never
were. And are trying to be. And only even thought about. And never even
considered. And we will be what some only feared, and what some never dared
to hope and what some thought should only be dumped on the garbage pale of
life. We can be what your grandmother/father scraped out from your fridge the
last time she visited and what the dog brought home last Saturday nite when
he went chasing the neighbour's cat and ended up puking green slime on the
beige carpet in the foyer. That is us! Illeterasy aside, that is a certain point
which shud be discusszed here. And that point is the removal of green slime
from a beige carpet.
But then one might suggest that this is a little offf topee. What is the
topic? We might read back to the beginning of this opinionated peace, but
remember the point is that we cant read. So we have no choice but to place the
blame for this state squarely on the buttox of somebody important. Because
that is what an edirtorial is for. To lay blame. To blame lays. To blame
somebody goodly. Pow! Right in the kisser.
Mil
m/Re?)Wj?i£*ne~
Council should deal with Scottish problem
Sub head here
When is City Council going to do something
about those ruffian Scootish clan members who
are peddling haggis on the street comers in West
Van? It is creating a severe traffic problem and I
feel City Council should be looking at the problem. Why don't we get City Council to look at the
problem? We could even get City Council involved — to deal with the problem, you know.
ESTHER OLDH AG:
4619 W. 11 Ave.
Haggis testing urged
It is indeed surprising that West Van High
officials don't start testing for the presence of
haggis in the studentbody. Asaconcernedparent,
I strongly advocate haggis testing in all public
scools.
MARVIN HAGGLER
780 Yoonette Drive
Tax increases urged
The problem is getting worse. You let them in
and they think they belong here. I'm talking, of
course, about Best Vancouver city council's lack
of concern over our image. Their recent decision
to keep property taxes at the same level for the next
two years makes me puke. Any money grubbing
capitalist knows that the only way to keep poor
people out of our community is to tax those godless commies right out onto the street. Let's do the
right thing. Come on Pia, come on Harry, let's get
a news campaign together to purge "those" people
back to Surrey where they belong.
LETTERS
Write: The Editor, The Vancouver Stun'd,
Somewhere on Granville Mall, Vancouver, B.C.
P. BROWN and other fat cats in
Best Van.
Nancy slammed
Why do you even bother running Nancy, in
your comic strip? Who the heck cares about that fat
little kid? And what ever happened to her parents?
She lives with an aunt who barely pays any attention to her. Should we call the child welfare authorities? This is not funny, it is sick!
And that reminds me, the family circus is also
a comic which has not made me laugh ever. Why
doesn't someone belt those rotten little brats and
teach them a lesson? Will Billy ever come straight
home without leaving footprints all over the neighbourhood? Will P J ever be toilet trained? That kid
has been wearing diapers for at least twenty years!
These are serious questions which have bothered
me for sometime.
PIERRE BURNTOUT
Toronto, Ontario
Annual Stun'd Run and
the Vancouver Stun'd
leap to greatness with
most recent annual Vancouver Stun'd Stun'd
Run which attracted
great gobs of people and
in which all money
raised went to dress the
pope fund
I thought the Stun'd Run was kinda neet.
BROOK SHU
2345 West 12th
More golf coverage urged
Why doesn't the Stun'd carry more stories
about Golf? This is a fine pastime for all lads and
wee lassies. Just last week I shot a burrdie before
tossing a few cabers on a bonnie moonlicht nicht.
And I canna think o' any reason whythar's all this
talk about Scots people, they've naiver bothered
me. Some o' me best friends are Scots and they're
all bonnie lads wi' a twinkle in their eye and a
surprise up their kilt. And it's no wee peice of
haggis they're swinging when they're not out on
the links wi' club in hand.
MACMCHIGHLAND
298373 Upper Levels Highway
West Vancouver
Place head here
Having never written a letter to the editor
before, I am finally moved to do so by the recent
spate of infantile digressions on the Scotch question. Why on earth should these people who write
these long, interminable, adjective-filled, redundant, unedited, rants about someone's drink preference get printed? Although I do not drink
Scotch, I understand that those rich capitalist running imperialist pig dog lackeys, and enemies of
the working class in West Vancouver can afford
such luxuries. However, I strongly, affirmatively
and totally disagree with Scotch in the schools.
Beer was good enough for me, and it should be
good enough for kids today too.
SPUDS MCCRAZY
#210 Balmoral Hotel
55 East Hastings
Pitbulls urged for
house pets
I must defend the pitbull from the serious
charges laid by "A.Catlover"(March 31).
Our family has had pitbulls for almost two
weeks and found these dogs to be loveable companions for our children. Our two pitbulls (Gutt-
ripper & Blood-sprayer) have enjoyed the free
dom to travel were they please. Despite claims that
there are no longer any cats, squirrels, toddlers
under 11 months and postal workers under five
foot six inches living in the neighbourhood no-one
has ever been able to prove that the pitbulls were
involved.
Our two children who are at home at the
moment (a third is in hospital withmassive lacerations of the face, arms, legs and body after a little
misunderstanding over dog biscuits) now spend
hours studying in their rooms while the pitbulls
play in the hall.
I ask you, what is wrong with owning a dog that
can survive a shot-gun blast to the brain and chew
through thigh bones in one bite? This society must
be sick to persecute such loveable friends as these.
REDN CLAW
1827636494 1726A St
Surrey
Scots help community
Thank you for bringing the troubles of the British properties to the public's attention.
I am very upset, however, with the implication from the quote from me that you used that
I was bad-mouthing the Scottish buyers of the area. It was not their fault that they are tight
fisted and petty; it is the fault of our entire society, which fails to recognize skin-flints.
I have great respect for Scottish people, which provide an extra dimension to society. That
stopped me from leaving when the Scots moved into our neighbourhood. In fact, the Scottish
people I know have been very generous in offering to buy properties, even at today's
depressed prices.
ABDUL IVAN CORNELIUS RUNNING-WATER-WONGSKI
65765 Upper Crust Place
British Properties
IV
Urges slammed
Of course I have urges, but I have urged my self
to slam them. Yes, I slammed the door on Satan.
Yes, I slammed the door on Satan's urges. But then
I fell into a state of moral confusion and I urged
myself to slam my self. And I slammed my self
faster and faster until the urge was gone. But Satan
came back and so did the urges and soon I hired
someone to help me with these urges which I
wanted to slam. So there I was, lonely in my big
black cadillac when I saw apoor lost soul standing
on a street comer wearing a miniskirt. Well who
could blame me for thinking that she was a coun-
sellorfor sexual urges. When I stopped my car, she
got in and I said "I need to slam my urges." She said
"OK, fifty bucks." And then she directed me to the
Love AllNight Motel. I though that it was a strange
place for an office, but my urges needed slamming
really bad. And we went in and she took my money
and took of f her clothes and my urges got slammed
real good. ButI won't give you details because that
would only titillate you, but the therapy did involve pieces of fruit, clerical garb and a full-size
replica of Elvis Presley.
JIMMY BRAGGART
Baton Rouge LA
Reason urged
What the bloody hell is going on at city council? This bunch of developer scum is dividing up
the city like a roast haggis on Robbie Burns Day.
For Chriss akes you lame brained mealymouth
capitalist scum sons of running dog whores who
drink untreated sewage water out of False Creek,
you •***»**-l!*10 #•#*□•***
>•#(_)► •* jerks!! Youdon'tknow the first thing
abouthow to run af*****g city. Where's the voice
of reason?
HAIRY RANKLED
1872 El Ith Ave
B.C. consumers to be at mercy of mercenary corporations
W"jryell the Vander Slam
%/m/ government has done
y/ yf  it to us again. This
government has taken
yet another vicious swipe at the
citizens of this province.
"My government has a mandate to balance the budget of the
province while providing the
very minimum in service," said
the Premier in a televised
speech last night.
The plan to which the Premier refers includes completely
eliminating social services and dividing the province into 173 "special marketting zones" to which
corporations could purchase exclusive marketing
rights.
Mr. Vander Slam hopes this plan will give special
incentive to people to either seek jobs or start their
own business and at the same time allow American
NICKLE
PARTING
corporations to take full advantage of British Columbian
markets.
"This will give some of those welfare slackers something to think about and it will put complete control of
pricing in the hands of the corporations," said Vander
Slam.
The Premier has obviously lost the remainder of his
marbles. Prices for all goods will sky rocket. Consumers
of B. C will be at the mercy of huge mercenary corporations.
A new level of government created by the market plan
will, thankfully, not cost consumers any extra at tax
time. Although details are sketchy at the moment the
Premier has indicated that money saved by abolishing
social services will be diverted into selected pet projects.
What will be the effect of cutting social services?
Think about this: What will happen to the urban neurotic
housewives in West Van when they don't get their daily
sympathy from social workers. And that reminds me
about those dam bicycle couriers, with the police force
to control them, they will run rampant over the civilian
community who are merely minding their own business on the sidewalks where they belong.
Not wanting to be left out ofthe new business opportunities, the Fantasic Gardens corporation has already
bid for several potentially lucrative marketing zones.
Projected earnings on the deal for the Vander Zalm
owned company will likely be in the billions of dollars
during the first ten years of operation according to government sources.
When asked about a possible conflict of interest the
Premier denied any knowledge ofthe bids.
"What Lillian does with her company is no business
of mine," he said, wearing a casual blue suit with
matching tie. His hair carefully coiffed in his usually
dapper style, he declined to comment on the substance
of the allegation, but paused to notice a pansy in the
government garden which seemed to be lacking some
essential nutrient.
"Don't worry, little fellow," he said, "The speech
from the throne next week should give you what you
need." Premier proclaims heterosexuality
By WILLIAM BUOY
In a move to recapture his political stamina, premier Bill Vander Zalm announced
today that he was a heterosexual.
"I thought long and hard, long and hard,
and decided it was time to come out of the
greenhouse, and just admit it to British Co
lumbians," the premier said in a press conference held early this morning at Fantasy Gardens.
"The New Democrats have gotten just a
little too much free time on television, and
although television still has two letters in
common with the word satan, I think it's time
I was on the tube a little more," the premier
said.
After demonstrating the merits of his jaw
line to the photographers, Vander Zalm said
"it's pretty straight, clean, and dimpled —
like me."
Lillian, the premier's wife, had little to add
to her husband's statement, saying only "it's
news to me, but I'll support Bill, as I always
have, in whatever he does."
Since the announcement this morning, the
premier has received death threats, and the
Dutch flower society has threatened to withdraw his membership in the Tulip Club, a
little known organization dedicated to the
cloning and genetic engineering of a pure
elite race of blazing pinks {animositae
absurdum).
Glen Clark, New Democrat MLA for Vancouver East said Vander Zalm's statement
was a tax write-off in disguise. "By coming
out of the greenhouse, so to speak, the premier has annexed Fantasy Gardens into a
news locale, making it immune to taxable
income, and opening the way for free media
coverage twice as long as the event lasts, and
who knows how long that will drag on," Clark
said.
The premier's statement also raised fears
in his own caucus about the promotion of
sexual activity among young people.
"Now that we know the premier is sexually active, there will be hundreds of young
kids just aching to be like him, fornicating on
the streets and in cars," said health minister
Peter Dueck.
"Everyone wants to be like him, and now
he's made it look as if sex was normal. He
really should have been more responsible in
his position," Dueck said.
Saskatchewan's Great Divine immediately made a statement opposing Vander
Zalm's announcement in which he called
anybody engaged in any form of social interaction a complete criminal, not to mention a
demented loser.
"The next thing you know he'll be robbing
banks instead of the taxpayer — he's clearly
subversive," said Divine a few moments
before he announced his plans to tum the Saskatchewan economy around by capitalizing
on untouched tourist dollars in the ski industry.
Ringworm's antics deadly
By Maniacal Doberman
I'd never heard of Ringworm, but John
Mackie told me they were louder and deadlier than Anthrax. Their show at The
Town Dump was definitely a double earplug event.
They began with a frantically paced
version of a song called "I Wish you'd
Fuckin' Die." Or maybe it was "I Wish
you'd Fuck off and Die." I don't know -1
asked the woman next to me, the one with
bright pink eyes, but I'm not sure exactly
what she said.
Lead singer Toen Deff, gyrating wildly
in silver spandex, wore more make up than
a drag queen. The crowd packed the dance
floor for the band's latest hit, which I think
is called "Get Lost, Jerk" (at least I think
that's what the woman with pink eyes
said).
Ringworm's antics upstaged their music. Guitarist Hugh Jerk (that's his name,
according to pink-eyes) lit his guitar on fire
and ate it as it flamed. Bassist Lou Zer tore
out hunks of his hair and threw them at the
audience, who scrambled wildly to catch
these keepsakes.
They ended the first set with "Just
Leave me Alone Will You, Asshole" which,
in spite of its title, was a ballad about girls
and motorcycles. After a short break the
band returned with a song called, "Stop
Bugging Me", a hard-rocking number
with a driving bass beat. The next song,
"Will You Quit Asking me the Names of
Songs?" had the audience screaming and
banging their heads together. Seriously. I
still have blood stains on my suit.
The crowd thinned out drastically at
ten to one, as the last bus left to Surrey.
Ringworm played on for another fifteen
minutes to four die-hard fans, who were
treated to an eleven minute drum solo
which, intriguingly, seemed to repeat one
beat over and over again.
The Vancouver Stun'd
Scum Run
Stunned
or the
Thursday March 30 at 9:00
a.m.
Meet at the entranced to
Stanley Park and run until you
aren't having fun
EVERY PARTICIPANT WILL
RECIEVE A VANCOUVER
STUN'D SCUM RUN FOR THE
STUNNED JOCK STRAP
Deadline: March 11,1988
Mail to:
Enid Adams Cottaage
Granville Mall
Vancouver B.C.
Special early entry fee: $500
Late registrants pay double
Name.
I
| address	
I	
■ phone Number	
I age	
I shoe size	
!»	
I sexual preference.
Scottish ancestry yes no	
■ religion....
I car make.
I
I
jock strap size.
■ Favourite colour,
I favorite flavour...,
favorite beer.
I
I
| last sexual experience,
L.	
NEWS SUMMARY
WORLD
PANAMANIAN STRONGMAN General
Manuel Noriega has issued a challenge to
the U.N. to "come arm-wrestle" with him.
Noriega called a surprise news conference
yesterday to flex his muscles, prissily pointing out his pecs. A10
IN CHINA, MAO Zedong has risen from the
grave, according to Associated Depress
sources. Government spokesmen denied
all rumours of a Cultural Revolution Reunion, citing the Chinese Communist Party's
new edict which prohibits "all types of partying." A5
KATE HAMMETT VAUGHAN, local musician, calls for an end to Scottish hysteria
and a return to family values of song,
dance and golf. (Story M8).
CANADA
ROMAN CATHOLIC church officials have
split with the Pope's encyclical opinion that
the new Michael Jackson album "is wonderful." Cardinal Alfie Heebert reportedly
vomited at the sight of the encyclical, which
features a leather-clad Pope John Paul II
on the cover. A6
CANADIAN DIPLOMATS have recently received orders from the Department of
External Affairs to "stop wearing silly hats in
public." A spokesperson from External
Affairs said that Canadian diplomats were
creating an image of "a bunch of silly-hat-
wearing-party-animals." B12
GIMLI, MANITOBA residents have voted to
secede from Canada and form their own
nation-state. Gimli boasts a fleet of twenty
120 horse-power outboard engines and
four 1968 Chrysler 'New Yorker' model
tanks. Sources inside city-council privately
acknowledge that they intend to "do some
imperialist-type expansion. We're getting
Shade-Aid from ie Americans," another
source added. E
BRITISH COLUMBIA
BILL VANDER Zalm announced a new student-aid program yesterday. Students with
outstanding student loans will be on-call 24
hours a day to help any tax payer in need of
garden or house work. Vander Zalm said the
government would be "only too happy" to
supply the shovels and paint-brushes. A23
MINISTER OF Fisheries, Tom Siddon, yesterday directed irate fishermen to the nearest
grocery story to fill their quotas for 1988.
"They've got tuna, salmon, crab—you name
it! Why do you want to go out in those stinky
boats and bob up and down and up and down
for hours and hours when you can just get
your fish from the store?" he asked of them.
B14
CANADA'S FIRST research chair in real estate marketing is to be set up at UBC this fall.
Students can sell real estate for real realtors,
who will then collect the commissions and
reimburse the students for paper clips and
bus fares expended on the selling jobs. B5
GREATER VANCOUVER
HAIRY PUCE Blorgs rioted at the Hyatt Regency yesterday when their leader, Bim Turd
was arrested for mixing cocktails in the bath of
his sixteenth floor suite. Turd was using a
Johnson & Johnson 200 hp. outboard to mix
"a big fuckin' cocktail." The Puce Blorgs felt
the Hyatt's actions were discriminatory because their culture believes in mixing cocktails with outboard engines. B13
ALDERFISH BOB Finn decried the support
services given to inner harbour fish yesterday. Finn believes every fish has the right to
work, food, and a microwave. City Council recently defeated a motion forwarded
by Finn which would have the City construct a services aquarium, where unemployed fish could be retrained for other
professions. Q12
BUSINESS
VANCOUVER MERCHANTS have
formed a research association to investigate the relevance of "eggs" to the "easter
bunny" holiday. They hope to be able to
market beef and pork as easter surprises
next year. Z23
FINANCIAL AID to Third World countries
was increased by $3 billion yesterday by
the federal government. Recipient countries must be prepared to receive the
payments in the form of hockey sticks,
said a Federal Business Development
Bank spokesperson.
SPORTS
THE VANCOUVER Canucks yesterday
signed a team of ten three-year olds to a
thirty year contract. The toddlers will
receive free food, lodging, and toilet training for the first ten years of their contract,
said Coach Bub Mickannon. Parents of
the 'Ten Toddlers' as the team affectionately calls them, were paid cash for use of
the children. G7
THE SEOUL OLYMPICS are in jeopardy
because the city's water supply has been
sabotaged by political activists. Toilets
are overflowing and city officials don't
expect the mmess to be cleaned up until
late 1989. G4
THURSDAY
IN THE STUN'D
B.C. Highland games are disrupted by a
pitbull which attacked a caber tossing-kilted
lumberjack/golf pro.
IT'S THE MOST COMPLETE, MOST CONVENIENT,
MOST UP TO DATE MOST FANTASTIC MOST EXPENSIVE MOST UNREALISTIC MOST USELESS LISTING OF ALL THE NEW HOMES IN SOME OF THE
LOWER MAINLAND
WORST COAST
NEW (AND SLIGHTLY
USED) HOMES
111
111
111
MINIMI
oo    oo
THE SECTION FOR
In depth information and feature articles by leading exterminators on rodent problems, by sump
experts on how to pump leaky basements, by
legal attorneys on how to get your money back
and on how to flog a house which has already
washed down a creek by a sudden mud slide.
Information on home redecorating is also included for those who want to make the best of
their current hovel. However since this section is
being heavily subsidized by the contractors ofthe
lower mainland, it will tend to lean directly toward
the only viable idea: that of going heavily into debt
to buy a home which will impress your former
friends so much that they daren't show their faces
in your new neighbourhood. And just as well, as
your probably can't afford to live there either and
will soon be turfed out as the bank reposses your
house when you can no longer make the payments. And much much more. This is the one
section which will show you every thing you
have always wanted, but never could afford.
And still can't. But still hope you might be able
to afford someday. If your boss ever gives you
the raise you deserve.
Read the Vancouver Stun'd New Homes Section. Then Go Jump in a Lake. A4 The Vancouver Stun'd, Wednesday, March 30,1988   ••••*•••••••
FLATLANDS
Killer blizzard destroys Calgary
A killer snow storm with winds reach-     -l-e weekend devastating the downtown core of j^e storm swept ^ late priday njgjlt    everymjng *n jte pam Details are sketchy at the     thousands according to eye-witness reports. well, a bit worse anyway," said one Calgary resi-
ingl90 kmh swept through southern Alberta over     Calgary. without reservations and proceeded to flatten     moment but the body count appears to be in the "It was worse than Stampede Week,     dent.
FRED ZILCHO
FRED ZILCHO
FITNESS COUPLING
MUSCLE DISSECTION
130 E.HASTINGS AVE.,
789 E. BROADWAY
VANCOUVER
(ENTER AT REAR).,
VANCOUVER
FRED ZILCHO FILTH CLUB
SEYMOUR AND NELSON ,
VANCOUVER
FRED ZILCHO
EGO CONNECTION
11034 KING GEORGE HIGHWAY,
SURREY L — John Moffat, Sherry Bie R — Tom McBeath in We, The Undersigned
Russian play loses
a lot in translation
By Laura Busheikin
Train rides range from
stupifyingly boring to
mildly interesting. The only
thing that might enliven the trip
is the people you meet. But what
ifyou meet a pushy boor who
won't leave you alone, who
desperately wants something
from you and pesters you with an
exhausting series of schemes and
convoluted explanations?
THEATRE
We, the Undersigned
By Aleksandr Gelman
The Vancouver Playhouse
Such a man is Shindin, the
main character of We, the
Undersigned, a Soviet play
which is having its North
American premiere at The
Vancouver Playhouse. He and
his colleague are on a train to
obtain three signatures from
officials in the next compartment. These officials have
already refused to sign, but
Shindin is determined to charm,
bludgeon, or trick them into
signing. The plot revolves
around his tactical maneouver-
ings, which are funny and
pathetic, but also tedious. By
the time the second act is
underway, you're wondering
when the hell this train is going
to pull into the station.
The problem is with the play
itself, not the production. A lot of
talent is crammed into this sluggish caboose. Sensitive directing
keeps all the elements of the production—actors included—work
ing together. The acting is uniformly fine; in particular, Tom
McBeath, as Shindin, has a harried, at-the-end-of-his-tether intensity which translates into
pure stage presence. He wrings
every last disgusting drop out of
Shindin's gutless, grasping soul
without flattening the role into a
one dimensional stock slimeball
character.
But the script does not
provide enough motivation for
Shindin's frantic activity. Not
until the second act do we even
know why he so badly wants the
signatures, which concern the
authorization of a bread factory.
And the reason—simply the
desire to ingratiate himself with
a potentially influential superior—does not justify his manic
determination. And since the
plot is propelled by Shindin's
pursuit of his goals, the whole
play suffers.
At least the first act is lively,
as Shindin involves all the
characters in a tangle of lies and
false identities. Snappy pacing
and fine ensemble acting create
moments of high farce and
humor.
...the portrait of humanity destroyed by a corrupt bureaucracy and
the absurdities of politics.
But the second act slows to a
crawl when Shindin launches
into a series of explanations and
counter-explanations. In
impossibly long monologue he
explains a complex and tiresome
political struggle involving
various out-characters whom we
never see. It is difficult to follow,
let alone be interested in these
He wrings every last
disgusting drop out of
Shindin's gutless, grasping soul...
tales, and by this time we've seen
Shindin lie so often that we no
longer know what is true and
what is false. As the play
progresses we have less and less
impetus to care whether or not
the papers get signed.
We, the Undersigned was
apparently a big hit in the
USSR. The play is both a spoof
and a serious critique of Soviet
social structures, and Soviet
audiences no doubt saw a
reflection of their own lives on
stage. Without this element of
recognition, the play has limited
relevance. It can translate
effectively linguistically, but not
culturally.
Much is potentially interesting in this play: the way all the
characters reveal that, like
Shindin, they too are motivated
by spineless self-interest, the
portrait of humanity destroyed
by a corrupt bureaucracy and the
absurdities of politics. But even
the most profound of themes and
insights are lost in a play that
fails to be engaging. There's a
murder on board this Soviet
express, and the killer is boredom.
Word Processing
Budget Rate for Students
$20_00/hour
Big and small jobs
One Plus One Consultants,
745 Clark Drive,
Vancouver, B.C. V5L 3J3
(604) 255-7170
The Cure doesn't work
By Mike Laanela
The masses of "Cure" groupies with big hair, and more
up-to-date fans with clone crew
cuts lived up to my expectations,
but director Tim Pope, creator of
countless past Cure celuloids did
not.
Filmed outside at Theatre
Antique in Provence, France,
one of France's most treasured
national monuments, The Cure
in Orange promised original
music in an exotic locale.
The movie opened promisingly - for the first five minutes I
was mildly interested by the location, the french kids slam
dancing and the band itself.
But it never changed. Over
an over again we saw the same
standard shots; head shots of
lead singer Robert Smith, over-
the-shoulder shots ofthe others,
a shot of the crowd. The entire
first hour used only one camera
angle per bandmember, and just
three views ofthe amphitheatre.
Unfortunately the director
was not able to, or did not care to
take advantage of this unique
location. One gets the feeling
that he would have been just as
happy in a civic hockey rink.
FILM
The Cure in Orange
The Van. East Theatre
Until Thursday
With the concert quality
sound and a limited range of
style, the song list, made up of
old and new, began to blur into a
static-like hiss.
The repetition began to
numb. When I awoke towards
the end, I was unsurprised to see
the same shots.
For the encore/second set,
when roving cameras were sent
onto the stage, the movie does
pick up. Was I hallucinating or
was Robert Smith the lead singer
actually moving around the
stage? Stage presence! Something to watch, what a finale.
Veteran rock video director
Tim Pope might have been trying
to create straightforward and
honest concert flic, without the
mega-bucks production of top-
forty, but unfortunately what we
get is too little for too long.
For a more animated show,
discriminating viewers might
consider handshadows at home,
and saving five bucks.
You Want A Summer Job?
So Create Your Own Summer Business
Ifyou want to learn:
1. how to be an entrepreneur and earn your own money instead
of relying on someone else to hire you;
2. how to apply and qualify for a $2,000 interest free Student
Venture Loan ($3,000 for Partnerships);
3. what running your own summer business is all about — with
enough profits for next years tuition and repaying the loan.
This Free Workshop will Show You How to be a
"Summer Entrepreneur" and Control the Risk
Date: Thurs April 14th
Time:        1:00-3:00 p.m.
Place:       Canadian Employment &
Immigration Centre Classroom
(in Brock Hall)
This is an initiative of Province of B.C. and the Government
of Canada to help create employment and provide business
experience for students. It offers interest-free loans during
the summer months to students who want to start and run a
summer business.
Note:   There is a deadline for applications, so register for the
workshop — LIKE NOW! Call the Federal Business
Development Bank at 666-7850 to register. This is
the only opportunity to attend the workshop at U.B.C.
Another Richard $ Scottie Restaurant:
Drop into
The Wat Out Plage
That's Wot Wat Out
Of Tour Wat!!
We're open
EARL7
-  HAVE    BREAKFAST -
ano LATE
-   TAKE A STUVy BREAK -
check out our
Expresso, Cafe Latte,
Cappucino $ Cafe Mochas
or Tackle our Desserts - Like
- Chocalate Rice Crispv Ice
Creaw Pie or
- Chocolate Fantasy
need we sa7 more.!
We're licenced too
Open
iam - Jam
1 dats a week
TS^S Pemberton
North Van.
Offr
CAFE
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/11 YEAR END
DANCE
with the
Free Radicals
I Thur. Mar. 31  I
L 8:00-12:00 pm -I
EVERYONE WELCOME
- NO COVER CHARGE-
GRAD CENTRE 228-3203
Woodentops provide tasty blend
By Anne Rogers
Going to the 86 St Music Hall on a Friday night is
at least as interesting as visiting a shopping mall
in Burnaby. However, when the band is preceded by a
fine reputation and alleged spiritual connections with
XTC, one puts aside one's reluctance and treks down to
the Expo site, trying to avoid looking at the Terry Fox
memorial on the way. The Woodentops are a relatively
obscure British band who were headlining here in support of their new album, Wooden Foot Cops on the
Highway.
The Tops are something of a food processor of a
band in that they have borrowed heavily from a variety
of pop genres and have created a fairly unique and
tasty sound that falls somewhere between early talking
heads and the Psychedelic Furs on speed. When Rolo
McGinty, human adrenal gland, trotted on stage in a
blue satin blazer, Mickey Mouse teeshirt and cartridge
belt slung around his skinny hips, he personified the
MliJs free services
Mi=*s low prices
piUS binding
MiU^ quality
UNIVERSITY VltLAGE
2ND FLOOR
2174 W. PARKWAY,
VANCOUVER, B.C.
224-6225
OPEN EVERY DAY M-TH 8-9
FRI 8-6 SAT-SUN 11-6
Summer...
A season for
French
L Ecole francaise dele
welcomes you to its 1988
French Summer edition.
Sessions Internationales
3 week sessions of total
French immersion for people
from all over the world.
2 sessions
July 4-July 22
July 25-August 12
Didactique
3 week sessions for teachers
of French as a second
language.
2 sessions
July 4-July 22
July 25-August 12
Frangais ecrit
Grammaire et redaction
franqaises
3 week session of written
French for advanced
learners.
1 session
July 4-July 22
Boursiers
6 week session reserved for
Canadian citizens and landed immigrants applying to
the Federal-Provincial
Program.
1 session
July 4 - August 12
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eclectic nature of the band.
Rolo and company played a lengthy set of fast, melodic
songs propelled by breakneck drumming and strong funk-
infected basslines. With Rolo on acoustic guitar and Anne
Stephenson (from the Communards, a slightly less obscure
British band) on violin and keyboards, the Woodentop sound is
quirky enough to honestly be called unique. The slam dancing
teenagers were appreciative enough to yell for two encores.
On the other hand, unique is not the word to describe the
opening band - After All. In fact, I'm sure that some factory in
 j   Taiwan is making a
MUSIC |   killing turning out U2
The Woodentops/After All j   clones. They are a
86 St Music Hall I   servicable mainstream
March 25th .   band, but were over
whelmingly ignored by
the crowd until they launched into a cover of the Stones' Paint
It Black, which lured some people onto the dancefloor.
Tickets for the Woodentops started out at eighteen dollars,
but were dropped to eight by the night ofthe show, which
seemed to be a fairer price to pay. It was definitely not an
eighteen dollar evening. In a way, Rolo summed it up best
when he sang "It may not last forever but I don't care."
12/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 KINSELLA SLEEPS IN THR
By Corinne Bjorge
It may not be something everyone wants or needs to
know, but there it is - Cana
dian author and playwright William P. Kinsella sleeps in the
nude.
Despite this fact, or maybe
because of it, Kinsella insists his
life has been uneventful.
"Nothing interesting ever
happens to me? he says.
Then the inspiration for
Kinsella's coterie of characters
must lie somewhere else. Perhaps
it is the prairie winds whistling
through his ears, disturbing the
fertile earth of his brain, creating
the dusty characters of Frank
Fencepost, Bedelia Coyote, and
Shoeless Joe.
In 1978, Kinsella stumbled
across a character, an idea, a voice.
They grew into his first baseball
story. "Everything comes about by
accident? he says, but by grabbing
the world of Shoeless Joe Jackson
and placing it in endless Iowa
cornfields, Kinsella has become
one of Canada's most successful
writers.
"All writers are desperately
looking for a voice that readers
relate to? says Kinsella. "I've been
very lucky that I've found a number of voices that readers relate to.
The voice of Silas and the more
poetic voice that I use in the baseball stories.
"When I need facts, I
invent them," he
grins. "It always terrifies the news editors."
But as well as being endlessly
imaginative, the tall and lanky
Kinsella has a practical streak at
least three home runs long.
"You find a vein of gold, and
you mine it for all its worth? says
Kinsella. "It's like a musician finding a certain sound. The Beach
Boys exploited the surfing sound
for twenty years, and I intend to
exploit the baseball writing and
the native stories in the same
manner? he says.
"Ifyou look closely, I don't do
much, especially with the dialogue. It's almost an illusion. In
fiction, voice is everything—the
voice you tell your story with? he
says.
As well as conceiving several
voices himself, Kinsella midwived
the narrative development of students during a stint as a university professor several years ago.
Kinsella's advice to young
writers is to read. "Read, read,
read, read, and then read a little
more. I don't know a successful
writer that doesn't read voraciously. More good writers go by
the board because they don't have
the stamina to sit down at the
typewriter and set a quota for
themselves."
"I'm very disciplined. I write
two days on and one day off forever, and four pages a day or an
equivalent amount of revision? he
says. And "I read as many as one
hundred books of contemporary
fiction a year, so I know what the
trends are."
Unfortunately Kinsella didn't
always find the same dedication in
his students.
"That was the most discouraging thing about teaching creative writing students. You kind of
expect other students to be illiter
ate, but you expect your creative
writing students to have read
something. Except for one or two
students, they had read virtually
nothing, they weren't interested
in reading, and as a result they
wrote in the style ofthe (nineteen)
twenties? says Kinsella.
Kinsella found the dedication
to write early on in life.
"There weren't many role
models back then. Later on there
was Richard Brodigan, earlier
Hugh Gardener and Ross Annett.
Few Canadians, and fewer Albertans were being published internationally? says Kinsella.
"It took about 30 years of
beating my head against the wall
before I had any particular success
atit. I did horrible things for years
and years, all sorts of vile jobs to
keep food on the table. But I always considered myself a writer.
There can't be more than five of us
in the country who make our living
writing fiction? says Kinsella.
And it's probably a lucky
thing Kinsella does make a living
writing fiction. He occasionally
puts together a few non-fiction
assignments, but as Kinsella himself says, hell never be a terrific
reporter.
"When I need facts, I invent
them? he grins. "It always terrifies the news editors?
Following his penchant for
invention, Kinsella plucks most of
his baseball statistics out of thin
air, and most of his dialogues.
Despite the fact that many of his
stories are written about baseball,
Kinsella doesn't play - the closest
he came was as a poor softball
player in high school ("I have certain depth perception problems
that make fielding the ball very
difficult? he scoffs.) Nor has he
ever visited the Hobema Indian
reserve in Alberta where many of
his stories take place.
"No, nothing is based on autobiography. I don't have a very
interesting life. I just finished a
novel called Box Socials based in
rural Alberta. The novel is total
fiction, but it will be construed as
autobiography by people who read
it? says Kinsella.
Kinsella has been criticized
for his characterizations of native
indians as drunken and illiterate.
But, he says, you don't have to be a
native indian to write about native
indians and "you don't have to
commit suicide to write about it.
You write what your readers are
willing to accept as believable."
"I could write about any minority, because all of us are a
minority, whether it's ethnic, or
racial or social. And the way any
oppressed minority survives is by
making fun of the people who
oppress them. Students make fun
of teachers, empl oyees make fun of
the boss - everyone makes fun of
politicians and religious leaders?
says Kinsella.
And of his critics, Kinsella
says "there are always people who
disagree with what you do, but as
Kingsley Amis says: If you can't
annoy someone, there is little
point in writing. I always put
something in to satisfy them."
Kinsella's newest project is an
evening of one-act plays per-
formedby the New Play Centre (on
Granville Island) - another happy
accident.
"I have a degree in play-
writing from the University of
Victoria that I never put to use. It
came about sort of by accident.
One year when I was studying
they didn't have a fiction writer on
staff so I took a whole bunch of
extra drama courses and ended up
with a degree in creative writing
with a major in playwriting? says
Kinsella.
Kinsella says he enjoys writing plays, "because they're easy".
But unlike many other writers, he
isn't determined to become involved in the entire theatrical
process.
"Fm easy to work with in that
I don't want any control over what
they do. I would really prefer to go
in on opening night and see what
they've done with my script and I
have no objection to them rewriting completely as they go along.
My feeling with all my work is that
if I'm paid sufficiently, then it
becomes the property ofthe people
who paid for it, and they can do
whatever they want with it. I expect them to be competent in their
fields? he says.
By the way, for the baseball
fans, Kinsella is betting on the
Texas Rangers to take the world
series.
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/13 wns
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Phone: 222-9922 Phone: 683-7632
Save $ 250.00 on the
Computer of Choice:
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The highest ranking AT from the UBC Computing
Centre Hardware Services Group was the Kaypro
286i. Find out why and save $ 250.00.
Redeem this coupon for $ 250.00 off
the purchase of a 40 Mb Kaypro 2861
While quantities last.*
For value and service In computers and software
Coast Computers
908 West 7th Ave. Vancouver, B.C. V5Z 1C3
736-5039
IF SUS ennui <n>HY JOHN HEYMAN
-. INSPIRATIONAL FILMS hum mm ion Of a. GENESIS PROJECT t'KOUl
uiMRim iiuhv INSPIRATIONAI MFDIA'"
TENTH AVENUE ALLIANCE CHURCH
invites you to a free two-part showing of the film
"JESUS,"   produced  by  John   Heyman,  the
producer of "Passage to India."
Part I — April 24, 6:30 p.m.
Part II — May 1, 6:30 p.m.
AT 11 WEST 10TH AVENUE, VANCOUVER
Hockey hero
heads for Seoul
Doug Harris, captain of the
UBC men's field hockey team,
was recently named to the Canadian Olympic field hockey team
to compete in Seoul, Korea this
summer.
"I'm really excited about it
and couldn't be happier? said
Harris.
Prior to 1987 Harris spent
several years playing for the
Junior National team - captaining the team in his final year.
During his rookie year in the
summer of 1987 he played for the
senior team and contributed to
their gold medal performance at
the Indianapolis Pan American
Games.
"There is no question Doug is
an important part ofthe national
programm now, and will con
tinue to be in the future? said
UBC women's head coach Gail
Wilson.
Traininghas been extensive
in preparation for the Olympics.
Harris spends at least four hours
a day in weight and fitness training.
Inprimingfor the Olympics,
the national team will be travelling throughout Europe and
Asia, taking only a few weeks out
atatime to return home. Joining
him on tour will be Peter Milkov-
ich, a rookie on this year's varsity team.
Aside from the time spent
playing for UBC and training for
the national program, Harris
has spent the last two years
coaching the junior varsity
women's field hockey team.
HWJV qnrrrr
COPY RIGHT
l^kl Home of
25
SELF SERVE
COPIERS
Still 50/Copy
(Letter/Legal)
7 Days/Week
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Soccer kids
capture BC
Collegiate
league title
This weekend the UBC men's
soccer team captured the B.C.
Collegiate League championship
with a 2-1 victory over the Simon
Fraser University Clansmen Sunday.
Gregor Young notched UBC's
first goal off of a perfectly taken
free kick from Colin Pettingale.
Mike Mosher tucked in the winner
for the 'Birds just before the end of
the first half.
On Saturday the 'Birds qualified for the finals by downing
Capilano College 4-1 on goals by
John Gasparac, Mike Allina (2),
and Kevin Colbow.
The championship was a successful performance for graduating players, Andy Mardon, Ken
Moysiuk, Joe Pesht, Gasparic,
and three time All-Canadian,
Young.
GRADUATION
PHOTO SESSION
•For Grad Photography That is Different'
This is your invitation to have a guest sitting and see a
complete selection of colour previews without cost or
obligation. This offer is valid to all 1988 UBC graduating
students. Phone now for an appointment. Purchase only
what you wish. Prices start at $6.95
•UNIQUE FRESH STYLES FOR 1988*
2111 West 16th Ave.
>St
VANCOUVER, B.C.
736-7281 or 731-1412
14/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 Editors stoned by old hacks i
... the final votes were' counted in a smoke filled j
dark room and five frivolousfigures finally fell heir to
the dubious inheritancejof Ubyssey editorship. "Pass
on the torch," said Katherine eagerly. "Share the
flame" added Chris. 'Yeah," said Mandel, "Don't \
bogart that torch my friend". "Share the blame,"
muttered Deanne dourly. Everyone inhaled deeply.
The editorial collective for '881 '89 smiled for a day.
And here they are...
Martin Dawes
Likes: jello wrestling with socred
cabinet ministers, being caught in
compromising positions with
brass polished tubas and disrupting funerals.
Dislikes:   drivers   who   tailgate
_■________________-.        .^»    hearses, singing the national an-
IKj^^^^^^^^B^Jk^Hl     them at the roller derby.
j^^^^^^^^^^^^HHH^H     Favourite   movies:   pretty
^-*---^-\*m\\\\\\\\\\\\m\\\\\\Wmmmmm\    pink, maim, sixteen candles and
Chris Wiesinger texas chain saw massacre.
Likes: NSERC, NAACP, NASA, Sig11* danger—moose.
NHL, and NITEP.
Dislikes: rainy days, acronyms,
salad bars at funerals.
Favourite movies: police academy 8, rocky 7,6,5 and 3, fri day the
13th, part 13: jason gets bar mitz-
vahed.
Sign: slippery when wet.
Katherine Monk
Likes: dr. ruth
sages,   in   the
divine, head mas-
buuutttt,   illegal
7°nk
Deanne Fisher
Likes: svelte svend robinson,
fashion statements by lillian vander zalm, CUPuppies; greg ip and
dave butler and gage tower needlepoint championships.
Dislikes: chubby elwood veitch,
student council's mindless minutes, reggae rerecorded as easy
listening.
Favourite   films:   satisfaction,
robocop, ALL the president's men,
attack ofthe killer tomatoes.
Sign: gone fishing.
in
bodychecks.
Dislikes: her english graduating
thesis, being called "dear", people
who refuse to leave the library.
Favourite films: mommy DEAR-
est, the DEARhunter, and terms of
enDEARment.
Sign: danger—falling debris.
Mandel Ngan
Likes: the dark, sunglasses, vampire films, exposing himself, self-
development books.
Dislikes: posthumous autobiographies, the new coke, lightbulb
jokes.
Favourite  movies:  dark eyes,
the dead, black Sunday, and some
kind of wonderful.
Sign: do not disturb.
Criticize Israeli politics, not Israel
Criticism ofthe state of Israel
has never been so widespread and
bitter as it is today. Saul Bellow
makes the observation in To
Jerusalem and Back that what the
Alps are to skiers, Israel has become to moral critics ofthe world.
At the end of a recent four day
visit to the U.S, Prime Minister
Yitzhak Shamir urged American
Jews to close ranks behind Israel
as it tries to bring to an end riots by
Palestinians in the occupied territories ofthe West Bank and Gaza.
Freestyle
During a $60 a plate benefit, Shamir said-"When unity breaks
down, then our enemies exploit
every critical statement to their
own end." Afterwards, donations
of at least $1,000 per person were
made to the United Jewish Fund
andlsrael Bonds.
Given the widespread vilification of anti-Semitic ejaculations,
Shamir's plea is understandable.
But is Shamir requesting a moratorium on criticism of Israel? Criticism is the sign of a strong and
healthy relationship.
But for many criticism of the
state of Israel has become an
'admission ticket to respectable
Western liberal salons.' Indeed,
vigilance must be exercised to
ensure that the time, place, and
manner of the criticism do not
make it an instrument that can be
turned against Israel's most vital
interests. We must not allow criticism of Israeli policies to be misconstrued as criticism ofthe state
itself. We must distinguish between honest criticism and criticism that becomes so institutionalized and respectable that it endangers the fragile Jewish unity.
Israel is no longer a dream
but a geo-political reality. And like
most places it is flawed.
The conquest of Arab settled
lands in 1967 has been a nagging
problem for the Israeli government. Continued occupation ofthe
West Bank and Gaza is misguided
and irresponsible. The excesses of
Meir Kahane and Orthodox fanatics in the streets of Jerusalem are
morally reproachable.
We should not allow criticism
to become the excl usi ve right ofthe
enemy. If Israel is beyond criticism, then those who pose as its
critics are its enemies.
Jeff Silverstein is a Ubyssey
staffer last seen scratching his
head trying to develop policy alternatives for Israel.
OOOOOPS
The Ubyssey (Feb 17) mistakenly
quoted a VGH employee and reported that 250 people are awaiting sex change operations. In
reality the person quoted as Anne
Maxwell was Dr. Dianne Watson
and there are only 20 people
awaiting sex change operations at
VGH. The persons responsible
has been sent to the Courtenay
and Comox Valley Record where
he is being forced to cover school
board meetings.
UBC GRADUATE
STUDENT SOCIETY
ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING
Thursday, March 31,1988 - 4 p.m.
Graduate Student Centre Dining Room
SAME
^31*3^
AGENDA
1. Report of Council.
2. Introduction of new executive.
3. Accepting the 1987 financial statement as audited.
4. Reappointment ofthe Auditor-General of B.C. as the Society's
auditor
Fogg on 4th
Kitsilano
73 Beers
Fogg on the Bay       Fairview Fogg
English Bay       Broadway Cambie
683 Beer 87 Beers
THE RIGHT SUIT MIGHT NOT BE YOUR TICKET TO SUCCESS....
BUT THE WRONG SUIT COULD TAKE YOU NOWHERE FAST.
DANIEL KANE - TAILORED TO MEASURE SUITS
FROM $300.
GRADUATION SPECIAL
TAILORED TO MEASURE SUIT
DANIEL-KANE
823 CLARK DRTVE, VANCOUVER, CANADA V5L 3J6  (604) 255-6200
$25
OFF
J
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/15 The Ubyssey Report Card
On January 26,1988, The Alma Mater Society conducted "The Ubyssey Readers' Survey."
226 readers took the time to answer seriously our questions and tell us what they thought of The Ubyssey. Thank you for your time and
interest.
The answers to the questions were tabulated and the overall results are presented in ranking order. [One (1) stands for your first choice,
ten (10) your last. For example, under the General Content section, Ubyssey readers gave their highest preference (1) for more news
coverage, and their lowest preference (10) for less and the same news coverage]. Comments which recurred among the respondents are also
noted. Based on the respondents' marks, a letter grade is given for each section and finally for the whole Student Newspaper.
Please note that some ofthe figures presented below do not add up to the total number of respondents. This is due primarily to
incomplete survey questionnaires being returned.
r
Of thcee who responded to the question of gender,   117 were male and
1 87 were female.
The age profile of respondents is as follows:
under 21  55 respondents
21 - 24yrs 97 respondents;
25 - 35 yrs 50 respondents:
35 - 49 yrs 4 respondents
over 50  0 respondents
The reader's status: 168 undergraduate students; 31 graduate students; 2 unclassified; 2 faculty; 9
UBC/AMS staff; 1 advertiser; 1 other.
Reading fequency:    135 Readers have indicated that they read the paper twice a week; 46 once a
week, 15 once a month; 21 occasionally; and 2 never.
Distribution: 94 readers picked up The Ubyssey in various Faculties and Departments; 39 in the
Main Library; 16 in the Residences; 116 in the Student Union Building; and 14 in
other places such as the Barn coffee shop, and Bus Stop coffee shop Yum Yum's.
Please note about 25% ofthe readers have indicated two or three places where they usually pick up
The Ubyssey.
Please indicate whether you'd like to see The Ubyssey increase or decrease it. coverage in these areas:
Reader's Ratings:
News	
Feature articles-
Entertainment	
S ports	
Editorials	
Letters	
more
_1
_3
__4
9
_8
_2
Freestyle/Perspectives.
Tween Classes	
Advertisements	
Classified	
-7
10
6
less
10
6
5
1
4
9
2
7
3
8
same
10
6
8
7
4
5
9
2
1
3
Comments & Suggestions:       An overwhelming majority of readers indicated the need for more
coverage of campus news. Specifically mentioned was news from different faculties, clubs, fraternities and
sororities. It was also felt that the overall size ofthe paper (all sections) should be increased; at present, it is
too small for the size of this campus.  Readers also suggested adding the following columns: Cartoons, Dear
News.
The Ubyssey carries a variety of news items in every issue  a) How often do you read this section ?
b) Indicate whether you'd like to increase or decrease the news coverage in this section.
Reader's Ratings:
• Student activities and events on campus.
• UBC Administration/Governance	
• Students Council	
a) always/sometimes/rarely
 1 4 6
 4 1 4
 3 6 2
• Events at other post-secondary institutions in B.C. _ 6 3 1
• Events at other Canadian universities 5 2 3
• Municipal provincial, federal, international news 2 5 5
b) more/less/same
16     6
Comments & Suggestions:     The Ubyssey readers indicate that while it is important to be informed
on environmental and Third World issues, these news items can be picked up from other more reliable sources.
The readers insist that the student newspaper should concentrate more on UBC campus news: activities,
events and issues especially relevant to students that get little, if any, outside news coverage.
The readers also told us that the student newspaper needs to be more accurate and objective in its
coverage and presentation of facts.
The Ubyssey's grade for its News coverage: C-
Feature Articles	
The Ubyssey has a variety of feature articles in every issue; a) Do you read these articles? b)lndicate whether
you would like to increase or decrease its feature articles coverage.
Reader's Ratings:
Most ofthe readers who read these articles want to see the same amount of coverage.
Comments & Suggestions:    It was suggested that more attention should be paid to mainstream
issues and the UBC community. Survey respondents indicated that shorter feature articles are appreciated.
The Ubyssey's grade for its Feature Article coverage: C
Sports.
The Ubyssey covers sports in each Tuesday's edition, a) Do you read this section? b) Indicate whether
you'd like to increase or decrease the sports coverage.
Reader's Ratings:                                               a)   always/sometimes/rarely b) more/less/same
• University athletics X               2              4 2      2      3
• Intramural sports 2              1             3 114
• Recreation UBC 4               4             1 4      4      1
• Constituency/Clubs sports 3              3             2 3      3      2
I Comments & Suggestions:      Readers felt that the overall sports coverage has improved this year.
j Feature articles on athletes and teams were popular, and it was suggested that the upcoming Intramural
'events should be better publicized.
It was also noted that since The Competition was published, the readership of The Ubyssey Sports
Section has decreased.
The Ubyssey's grade for its Sports coverage: C
Entertainment-
The Ubyssey covers entertainment in each Friday's edition, a) Do you read this section? b) Indicate whether
you'd like to increase or decrease the entertainment coverage.
Reader's Rating:
• Campus	
• Mainstream	
a)   always/sometimes/rarely
• Alternate/Underground	
• Reviews (Books, live music, film,
theatre, visual arts/performances) _
• Literature	
• Arts news __	
• Features/Interviews .
b) more/ less/ same
17      7
6
5
3
2
1
4
6
4
5
2
1
3
Comments & Suggestions:    Readers enjoy this section. It was suggested that a weekly listing of
campus entertainment would be most useful and more publicity be given to upcoming events.
The Ubyssey's grade for its Entertainment Section: B+
Regular coverage.
All issues have these regulars, a) Do you read them? b) Indicate whether you'd like to increase or decrease
the coverage of "regulars."
Reader's Ratings:
• Editorials	
• Letters	
a)   always/sometimes/rarely
• Freestyle/Perspectives	
• Clubs/Constituency Reports.
• 'Tween Classes	
• Advertisements	
• Classifieds	
b) more/ less/ same
4      3      5
7
1
4
5
2
6
Comments & Suggestions:    Readers are calling for a rigorous editorial and writing policy. The
number of editorials and letters dealing with the same issue must be balanced.
The Ubyssey's grade for its Regular coverage: B
Photography/Graph ics-
All issues have a variety of campus news, sports, entertainment shots, editorial cartoons, a) Do you look for
these visuals? b) Indicatewhether you'd tike to see an increase ordecrease in the photography/graphics coverage.
Reader's Ratings:
• News photography—
• Sports photography—
• Editorial graphics—
a)   always/ sometimes/ rarely
 1 2 3
 3 1 1
 2 3 2
b) more/less/same
1 3      2
3      11
2 2      3
Comments & Suggestions:    Readers would like to see more photographs and cartoons along with the
stories. About 65% ofthe readers prefer humorous, but not corny, captions.
The Ubyssey's grade for its Photography & Graphics coverage: B+
Advertising.
a) How frequently do you read an advertisement in The Ubyssey? b) Indicate whether you'd like to increase or
decrease the advertising content.
Readers Ratings:    The majority of readers frequently read the ads and they are presently happy with
the ad content.
The 2 for 1 "Special Coupons" are also frequently used.
The overall grade for The Ubyssey: B
The overall grade of The Ubyssey for its General Appearance
and Layout: B+
Over 60% ofthe readers liked this year's changes to the layout. The readers who did not
like the changes commented that they prefer the more traditional layout (i.e., editorials on the
second page and the Tween Classes on the last page.)
What the readers liked MOST about The Ubyssey: the fact that students support it because
it is about the UBC campus and allows students an opportunity for input.
What the readers did NOT LIKE about The Ubyssey: the sensationalized news, left wing
biased stories and editorials, overrepresented Gay and Lesbian issues, and the editors' immature silliness.
The readers are suggesting The Ubyssey could be improved by writing more balanced
campus news, events, activities and student-related issues, and by getting more students
involved.
Over 40% ofthe respondents considered volunteering for The Ubyssey.
The respondents' reasons for not volunteering for the student newspaper are: lack of
interest and literary abilities, disagreement over the editors' views and fair coverage policies,
and - most frequently - lack of time.	
The Ubyssey Editors' input and cooperation in this research was commendable.
Iolanda Weisz, AMS Archivist
16/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 Libertarians defy left
right political labelling
Libertarianism is a political
philosophy that is based on individual freedom, choice and personal responsibility. The fundamental principle is that people
own their own lives, and the government, or 'society' does not.
Libertarians believe everyone should be able to do with their
lives and possessions whatever
they wish, so long as they don't
initiate force or fraud against
anyone else. The only proper use of
force is in self defense or to gain
compensation for the victims of a
previous aggression.
If somethingis immoral for an
individual (theft, murder etc.)
then it is also immoral for a group,
association or corporation of
people. This is true no matter how
large the group; even if it calls
itself a democratically elected
government. Like any other group
of people, government should only
be allowed to do those rightful
things that individuals delegate to
it. A government cannot rightfully
pass to itself powers that its
members could not posses as individual citizens.
Modern governments however have expanded far beyond
their legitimate role in a civilized
society. Examples that libertarians disapprove of include: censorship, state preference for certain
types of religious beliefs, and the
prohibition ofthe enjoyment of (or
even possession of) certain proscribed substances. Similarly, libertarians also disapprove of government actions which interfere
with voluntary contracts between
buyers and sellers. These include:
government price controls, labour
and wage legislation, restrictive
regulations, and the use of coercive taxation to redistribute
wealth. Libertarians try to be
consistent in defending each
person's right to engage in ANY
activity that is peaceful and honest.
The public often have trouble
placing libertarians in the old
Left-Right political spectrum
which consists of liberals' (left)
who tend to favour civil liberties
but usually call for collective control over voluntary capitalistic
acts between consenting adults;
and 'conservatives' (right) who
may favour the free market in
economics but think that social
standards are not worth being left
to individual choice. Unlike the
above two ideologies, libertarians
consistently prefer freedom and
voluntary association.
Libertarianism is a growing
phenomenon. In academic circles,
libertarian or libertarian-leaning
intellectuals such as Murray
Rothbard, Robert Nozick, Thomas
Sowell, Walter Block, Walter Williams and Nobel Prize winning
scholars Milton Friedman and
James Buchanan are gaining increasing attention by proposing
voluntary private alternatives to
many current government pro
grammes.
Likewise, libertarian journals such as REASON, the Journal of Libertarian Studies (both
stocked by the UBC Main Library), the CATO Journal, Freeman, andLiberty are commanding
increasing attention.
At UBC, the Libertarian club
invites guest speakers and
teaches a short course called "Libertarianism 101". The club promotes discussion of topical and
controversial
issues from the
perspective of
individual
Perspective
rights.
As a distinct political entity,
libertarians have also been gaining strength. To the east, several
Ontario cities have elected Libertarian council members, and in a
1982 byelection, the Libertarian
candidate finished third, ahead of
the NDP. To the north, Libertarian Alaskan Legislator Andre
Marrou was instrumental in abolishing both state sales tax and
state income tax. Marrou is now
running for U.S. Vice-President on
the Libertarian ticket, with former Texas congressman Ron Paul
running for President.
Despite what you may have
read in the Ubyssey recently about
libertarians being recruited to
campaign for Republican candidates, there have been prominent
movements in the opposite direction. In fact, Ron Paul was a Republican for many years, until
joining the Libertarian Party to
'distance himself from the mainstream Republicans and to identify himself with the cause of individual liberty.
In Canada, the Libertarian
Party became federally registered
in 1979, and has run more than 50
candidates in every federal elec
tion since. The Libertarian Party
is the only federal party committed to reducing the size of government.
In Vancouver, the next big
event is the public speech by Dennis Corrigan, Leader ofthe Libertarian Party of Canada on Monday
April 11, at the Century Plaza
Hotel Ballroom, 1015 Burrard at
7:00 PM. He is a very articulate
advocate of a reduced role of government, and this occasion will
provide an excellent introduction
to libertarian
thinking. If you
can spare an hour on a Monday
night, try to be there.
The other big event of the
spring is Tax Protest Day: the goal
is to show people just how much
Canada's welfare state actually
costs. We pay income taxes, sales
taxes, import duties and tariffs,
school taxes, excise taxes, export
taxes, investment taxes, inheritance taxes, and property taxes —
and yet our governments still have
huge deficits. Students and other
citizens will be distributing literature outside the Revenue Canada
building, 1166 West Pender at
10:00 AM on Monday May 2, the
deadline for filing income tax returns.
Anyone interested in receiving more information about libertarianism or libertarian activities
are urged to check with the Libertarian Club of UBC . The address
is:
C/O AMS Business Office, Room
266, SUB, UBC,
or phone Paul at 438 6127 or
David at 266 6498.
David Crawford is President ofthe
Libertarian Club of UBC. He was
born free and wants to keep it that
way.
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—ME AWARDS-
GRADUATING THIS MAY?
DONT FORGET TO APPLY FOR
LOAN REMISSION
Students who have been receiving Canada and B.C. StudentLoans
through the Province of British Columbia are reminded that they
may be eligible to have part of their debt repaid. Borrowers
graduating with their first degree may have a student loan debt over
$12,000 repaid. Those completing their second degree may be
eligible for remission of student loans exceeding 516,000.
Loan remission is not automatic. You must apply. Applications
are available from the UBC Awards Office or your lending
institution. Applications must be submitted after von graduate to
the Ministry of Advanced Education and Job Training in Victoria.
Do not miss this opportunity to reduce your total indebtedness.
For more information, contact the Awards Office or the Ministry of
Advanced Education. (Toll Free: 1-800-742-1818).
Awards & Financial Aid • Rm 50, General Services Admin Building • Telephone: 228-5111
NOTICE TO GRADUATING STUDENTS
TREE PLANTING
CEREMONY
will be held Thursday
MARCH 31st at 2:30 p.m.
Across from the Bookstore
(Intersecion of University Boulevard
and East Mall)
Wine & Cheese to Follow
President Strangway will be speaking
All Faculty and Gradating Students
are Invited to attend
flBo//
______:
______
DOC
i__2_________
\
Tree
Location
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/17 C<mtUwdm$iho
-fat rtodtttpm*-
■\    ,
In several seconds....a summary: 51/2 per cent tuition increases, tuition fee waivers for faculty kids, losin' the loop to a
SUB parkade, planned developing of UEL, telereg, Gitksan-
Wet'suwet'en land claims, Bob Seeman and Double Dragon,
the destruction ofthe engineers' cairn, the Oakalla breakout,
tuition fee lottery scandal, National Forum on Post Secondary
Education, virtually uncontested AMS elections, English as a
Second Language instructors fight for a union, proposed student recreation facility, Strangway calls to pull out of Charter
of Rights, trojan horse condom stunt, campus daycare gets
faculty funding, AIDS quarantine, Supreme Court ruling on
abortion. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.
THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988
The Ubyssey is published Tuesdays & Fridays
throughout the academic year by the Alma Mater Society
of the University of British Columbia. Editorial opinions
are those of the staff and not necessarily those of the
university administration, orof the sponsor. The Ubyssey
is a member of Canadian University Press. The editorial
office is Rm. 241k ofthe Student Union Building. Editorial Department, phone 228-2301; advertising, 228-
3977.
The Apprenticeship of Duddy Strangvitz
or: "A man without the Endowment Lands is nobody."
A precis with apologies to Mordechai Richler
Mclnnes Field High School was in the middle ofthe British-Jewish district
of Old Point Grey.
Young Duddy (his father Chris "Max" Wiesenger and grandfather Michael
"Simcha" Groberman called him Dudeleh) Strangvitz went to MFHS with a lot
of rich kids including Clara Young, John Newlands, Mike Gordon and Darren
Atwater. On the least pretext he fought with them. On even less pretext they
fought with him.
Michael, a troubled old immigrant, told Duddy at a young age that "a man
without land is nobody."
His brother Robert "Lenny" Beynon was studying at medical school with
Cathy Aarde, John Gray, Svetozar Kontic and Chris Fraser. Lenny was supported in medical school by Max's brother Dan "Beryy" Andrews, who was a successful owner of a dressmaking Bnop who was trapped in an unsuccessful
marriage to Muriel "Ida" Draaisma.
Lenny was attracted to Cathy Lu. Celia Henslowe, Kevin Harris and
Allison Felker, but he was going out with Westmount, no (Borry) WeBt Van
schiksa Katherine Monk.
Duddy was expelled from high school for being a menace to the other students including Sean Jaegli, Jacinta Lawton, Alar Olljum and SuBan Morrison.
He went to work in a summer resort in Point Grey called the UBC Faculty Club
owned by Malcolm "Ruben" Pearaon.
He waited on hundreds of tables for hungry diners including Derek Craig,
Dave Butler from Hell, Kinga Kriston and Otto Lim. Malcolm's daughter
Jennifer "Linda" Lyall was engaged to Robert Irwin" Groberman but she showed
an interest in Duddy.
Duddy impressed Malcolm and offended the other waitere including
Robert "Irwin," Tyrone Waite, Elizabeth Piccola, Jeff Siamon, Jeremy Fraser
(who wore a bow tie and a beanie with a propellor), Nicola Marin and Patrick
LeCerf by serving more tables than anyone else.
Duddy found the land he wanted quite by accident. A while after Duddy
started at the cl ub, Jennifer went out with Duddy and persuaded him to stake his
$300 in tips as banker for a roulette game. "You can't lose," she said. Robert
continued on page 8
city dask: Corinna BJorga
production: R-D, Shora
antartalnmant: Laura Buafcaikln
sports: Victor Chow Wontf
ton'Hithfii, Ml i
0 4rY8<
Letters
Ubyssey story
applauded for
balance
Your article "Publishing
Charges Unfounded" in last
Friday's issue proved that
the Ubyssey was. able to
provide good reporting
about university topics. I
enjoyed the article because
it tried to provide both sides
of the story without being
overly biased. The article
also reported most of the
information correctly. By
the way, there was just two
issues on trial basis (as
"claimed" by myself), not
three as stated by the AMS -
the proof lies within the
AMS itself at the AMS
Archivist SUB room 230E.
I believe that the AMS Publishing Department is fulfilling its original goals but I
cannot understand why the
student funded $50,000.00
system can't provide the
same services as downtown
at a competitive rate. By
making the system more
accessible (less costly),
more students would use it.
If more students use it, it
will pay for itself quicker. As
a final note, some places
provide laser printing at 25
cents per page, the standard
is $1.00 and the AMS is
$2.00 per page. Even
though some AMS representatives believe the
"claim [of non-competitiveness] is inaccurate" others
still think that it may have
some truth to it.
Jean Guay
AMS Representative for
Science
(432 Production Assistant
87-88)
The Ubyssey welcomes letters on any issue. Letters must be typed and are not to exceed 300 words in length. Content
which is Judged to be libelous, homophobic, sexist, or racist will not be published. Please be concise. Letters may be
edited for brevity, but It Is standard Ubyssey policy not to edit letters for spelling or grammatical mistakes. Please bring
them, with identification, to SUB 241k.  Letters must include name, faculty, and signature.
Traffic Committee member
defends student members
I was a member of the
Traffic and Parking
Committee and Fm writing
this letter to reply to the
Perspectives column entitled "UBCs Ugly New
Radicalism? in the March
22nd edition of The Ubyssey. In this column Robert
Beynon interrupts his lamentations on the state of
the student body and his
fervent desire for nudity
and a little weed to cast
dispersions on the student
representatives on the
aforementioned committee.
Beynon states that the
two student member? of
the committee (there are
four) did not show up to the
meeting at which the gp-
ahead was given for the
construction of the new
parking lot and the elimination of the SUB traffic
loop.
This conjecture is not
true, in fact both myself
and three other student
representatives attended
the meeting on. January
13th when the decision to
build was made. The decision to eliminate the drop
off loop was made despite
the protests of all the student representatives present. We were told that the
loop could not be incorporated into the new parking
plan because it would create atraffic safetyproblem.
The committee has not met
since the meeting on January 13th.
I believe Beynon displayed the exact spirit of
indifference, pettiness and
irresponsibility he complained about in his column by failing to research
the facts. He also used The
Ubyssey's favourite new
put-down for those involved in student life outside the newspaper - only
doing it for their resumes.
Perhaps he could put his
Ubyssey journalistic experience in his resume, it
would read, "Perspectives
column writer, Ubyssey -
never bothered to check the
facts."
Brad Kotush
Arts 4
ABM allows
SDI
Perhaps Jim Christian
hasn't read the ABM
Treaty, and so relies on second-hand misrepresentation, as most people do. Or,
he simply can't grasp what
he reads. Either way, he
errs in pretending that a
"limited defence of U.S. intercontinental missiles
is...prohibited by the Anti-
ballistic Treaty of 1972?
I read the treaty care
fully and testified in detail
on it to a House of Commons
committee in 1985. The
treaty expressly allows one
ABM system to the U.S. and
the U.S.S.R. And nothing in
it expressly forbids SDI.
The U.S. kindly dismantled the one ABM system it was allowed at Grand
Forks. Naturally, the U.S.
gets no credit for this in
Christian's slanted approach. By contrast, the
U.S.S.R. did not dismantle
its ABM system. Instead,
Moscow, the country's military   command  center,   is
ringed with dozens of GALOSH anti-ballistic missiles. Naturally, the Soviets
get no blame.
The Soviet ABM system
has existed 15 years with no
protest from 'End the Arms
Race', 'Physicians for Social
Responsibility', 'Educators
for Peace', etc. Itis thus post
hoc for peaceniks to now find
evils in an ABM system just
because the Americans
want one too.
Greg Lanning
Lawl
Cheaters take
note
We wish to bring to the
attention of students that a
handout is available regarding academic discipline procedures. Copies
can be picked up at the Ombudsoffice (SUB 100A). The
handout was developed to
assist students who find
themselves involved in an
academic discipline case.
Students who are accused of misconduct should
immediately contact the
Ombudsoffice and consult
the appropriate section of
the Calendar (p.22). It may
surprise many students to
see the range of offences
and severity of penalties
which may be imposed. Of
particular interest may be
the fact that it is an offence
to submit the same piece of
work for more than one
course without prior approval of the instructor.
We emphasize the importance of students being
familiar with the provisions
outlined in the Calendar.
Ron Paton
(Ombudsperson)
Alex Speers
(Student Senator)
18/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988 Post-secondary
plight is low government priority
It was twenty-five years ago.
In February and March of 1963,
ten thousand students undertook a massive campaign to publicize the needs of higher education in the province. Students
moved all over B.C. telling people
about troubled higher education
and trying to bleed money from
the Socred financial stone.
That was "Back Mac", a campaign often called the Third
Great Trek (the other two were in
1922 and 1958). The purpose of
this protest march and the ensuing petition was to convince the
W.A.C. Bennett government of
the crisis in post-secondary education funding and emphasize
the need for further expansion of
the system in the future. The
campaign, though long and arduous, in the end was successful.
The spark to this first flame
of student activism in the sixties
was a report prepared by the
newly-installed fourth president
of our university, Dr. John B.
Perspective
MacDonald. MacDonald's master plan for higher educaton was
a bold and broad analysis of the
current state and future needs of
post-secondary education. Released on January 28, 1963, the
119-page report called for the
creation of two universities and
eight colleges by the 1970s.
Under the plan, the University of Victoria and Simon Fraser
University were created as well
as a string of two-year and four-
year colleges across the province.
In the report, MacDonald said
that all levels of government and
industry would have to recognize
their responsibilities for the financing of higher education.
MacDonald blamed the
government's failure to provide
adequate funds to the university
for UBC's high failure rate (26%
at the time, with only 36% passing all courses). The report
stated that lack of funding had
resulted in large classes and a
feeling of impersonality at UBC.
The ones who suffered most were
students, as they were not getting the best education possible.
The report also projected education costs for the decade and
called for a great infusion of financial aid.
Previously, the university
administration had gone blissfully along making decisions and
requests for finances, not so
much on the basis of what was
For over ten years no
buildings with major
lecture theatres have
been built.
needed, but on the basis of what
certain key people were prepared
to spend. The report was careful
to avoid unnecessary criticism of
funding in the past, but, instead,
it attempted to present a factual,
realisitic picture of what the university was starved for.
Today, the university faces
the^ same challenges and obstacles as those it confronted in
the past. The provincial government has been totally unresponsive to the needs of post-secondary education. The university
requires the government's help
to preserve its vital infrastructure, its academic heart. Its
buildings,   libraries,   laborato
ries, equipment, and faculty are
desperately trying to operate
under years of financial neglect.
The provincial government has
been decreasing its operating
grants to the universities while
retaining federal transfer payments for its general operating
budget.
The problems of today's university are greater than those in
the past. Where there was one
problem in the fifties (housing)
there are countless others now.
One complication has been
caused by the result, the needs of
the undergraduate student body
have been, and are presently
being, ignored. With this emphasis on research funding, the undergrads suffer from overcrowded lectures, cancelled
courses, and restriction in enrollment.
For over ten years, no buildings with major lecture theatres
have been built. With this fact,
the government's lack of priorities is underscored. Only one
major building is being constructed at present - the new
chemistry/physics building, only
a band-aid solution to overcrowded, outdated, and unsafe
laboratories that are being used
by researchers today. The structure houses only two lecture theatres which is far from the number presently needed to alleviate
the congestion caused by too
many large lectures due to too
few sections.
President Strangway should show
some leadership and
initiative; he should
stop sending "wish
lists" to the Board of
Governors.
However, the most pressing
building need is the library system. Even with cutbacks in purchases (a thousand periodical
tiles dropped alone), and
extensive "weeding" programs
being implemented, the library
will run out of shelf and storage
space within two years.
This outline of current crises
is by no means exhaustive, but it
does indicate the plight of post-
secondary education. Granted
that there has been a severe recession that has caused 20 per
cent funding cut-backs in previous years, the province must now
realize that the university is its
key to economic recovery. Higher
education is an investment for
the future, an asset that yields
high returns if continually nurtured.
President Strangway should
show some leadership and initiative, possibly in an all-student
lobby for funding. He shoud stop
sending endless "wish lists" to
the Board of Governors. Instead,
he should package his proposals
under one master plan, one that
has vision towards a better university.
The present times have been
called "the apathetic eighties". It
could, if we chose, be the calm
before the storm. Twenty-six
years ago, UBC's people got fed
up with the system. It will take
some time before people get fed
up with the system. Perhaps that
time should be now.
Gary Mark is an earnest young
man in search of Utopia.
Ubyssey Staff2^-ceme by -
Banquet ^»   uiecwicet
_ April 9 I j     fer location b
all This year s
Staffers
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UMBERTINOS
NOW HAS
■iii DAY
Broadway at
Balaclava
(Across From Orestes)
731-3232
March 30,1988
THE UBYSSEY/19
V America and Nicaragua:
Unlearning the lesson
By Adam Jones
The announcement last
week of a 60-day truce
between the Nicaraguan government and U.S. backed contra rebels was so unexpected,
and the tone of the agreement
so outwardly conciliatory, that
it is easy to understate the dimensions ofthe victory Nicaragua - and possibly all of Central
America - may have won.
A victory won is not a victory claimed. There will be no
shortage of jockeying for position when contra representatives meet with the Sandinistas in Managua next month to
negotiate an enduring
ceasefire, disbanding of the
rebel force, and integration of
the contras into Nicaraguan
civilian life. The United States
may yet find some way to derail
the process. But with all due
caution expressed, there is still
something indefinable in the
air: a sense that last week's
agreement could stand as the
decisive event and swan song
of the eight-year-old counterrevolution.
In signing the treaty at the
Nicaraguan border of Sapoa,
contra representative Alfredo
Cesar claimed his side had received "90 percent of what
we wanted."
That assertion
is patently ludicrous. With
the single exception of the
amnesty for
former National Guardsmen, every
element of the
Sandinista offer - from the political guarantees to the promises of unrestricted freedom of the press -
has been on the table for at
least five years, since the Con-
tadora peace process began.
Sandinista "concessions" over
the past few months have
mostly been on matters of
protocol. The Miami-based
businessmen among the contras' "civilian directorate" now
face the unenviable prospect of
returning to compete in elections with their political record
permanently sullied by their
longstanding role as willing
agents of a hostile foreign
power. It's more likely, then,
that Cesar's face-saving statement reflects a recognition
amongthe directorate that this
deal was simply the best they
would ever get.
T he contras were estar,
J- lished, under CIA aegis,
some eight years ago as roving
terrorist bands. They were
headed by unregenerate ex-
leaders ofthe Nicaraguan National Guard - the force that,
along with the U.S., had
propped up Latin America's
most brutal family dictatorship for more than fifty years.
At the time, and for years
afterward, the contras were exclusively an implement of
American foreign policy. Except in the more fantasy-
drenched corners of Ronald
Reagan's mind, they were not
seen as a force that could di-
A country of just over
three million people
has successfully withstood an economic,
military, and diplomatic siege by the
most powerful nation
on earth,...
rectly overthrow the Sandinista regime. Rather, it was felt
that they could, over time,
erode the Sandinistas' formidable base of popular support
by forcing the government to
allocate more and more resources toward the military
defense of the revolution. In
this way, the revolutionary
social programs of the first
years of Sandinista rule - the
land reforms, literacy campaigns, and rural health initiatives that almost overnight
became the envy ofthe underdeveloped world - could be
undermined.
Direct   terrorist   attacks
against "soft targets" were the
flip-side of this strategy. When
contra spokesmen announced
that   agrarian   co-operatives
were "legitimate military targets," they touched on a wider
truth. In fact, any visible symbol of independent economic
development was anathema to
the   contras'   paymasters   in
Washington. The devastating
economic embargo imposed by
the U.S. in 1985 brought that
message home to Nicaraguans.
In case they missed the point,
they   could   contemplate   the
handiwork ofthe superpower's
proxy army: the charred shells
of     school-
houses   and
medical
clinics,the
kidnapped
teachers and
heal  t h
workers,the
murdered
church activists and volunteer   coffee-pickers.
The mo
tives underlying this strategy
were nothing new. In the
words of U.S. Under-Secretary
of State Robert Olds: "Until
now Central America has always understood that governments which we recognize and
support say in power, while
those which we do not recognize and support fall. Nicaragua has become a test case. It is
difficult to see how we can afford to be defeated." Olds made
that statement in 1927, as the
Marines were landing to wage
their war against the rebel
leader Augusto Sandino. But
the understanding to which he
referred seems to be disintegrating; in Nicaragua, and
indeed throughout Latin
America, the lesson is being
unlearned.
In a subtle way, the signing of the truce at Sapoa was
only the most recent in a region-wide string of events that
has perplexed and frustrated
the bellicose policymakers in
the Reagan Administration.
The new mood in Latin America had rather inauspicious
beginnings. In 1982, as the
British prepared to recapture
the Falkland Islands from the
occupying forces of the Argentine junta, the U.S. was forced
to come down on the side of its
NATO ally. Notwithstanding
the cynical actions of the Argentine regime, that U.S. decision ruffled every nationalist
feather in Central and South
America - reactionary and
revolutionary alike.
As Latin American economies collapsed amid hyperinflation and depressed global
markets for primary commodities, opposition mounted to the
U.S. economic and "security"
agenda for the region. This
agenda, administered mostly
through the grim "austerity
measures" ofthe International
Monetary Fund and the World
Bank, rubbed salt into the
wounds of a shattered and
debt-ridden hemisphere. The
opposition in Latin America is
still more rhetorical than substantive. But it is opposition
nonetheless, and in Nicaragua
- and in El Salvador and Guatemala, where guerrilla wars
continue against corrupt U.S.-
backed regimes - it has shown
itself ready to pay the ultimate
price.
In this context, the contra
decision to rejoin the civilian
political process in Nicaragua,
if it is carried through, represents the very depth of ignominy for U.S. policy in Latin
America. What is left, if even
America's most trusted proxy
a force which without U.S. ini-
tiatve and support would never
have progressed beyond
drunken grumblings in the
backstreets of Miami and
Tegucigalpa - can without
warning cut its losses and run?
Similarly, the fact that
Nicaragua has managed
to hold its society together with
a minimum of overt repression
during eight long years of war,
culminating in the contras' de
facto surrender last week, may
prove central to the slow and
arduous reclamation of national sovereignty in the countries of Latin America. There is
no denying that the Nicaraguan victory, if it stands, carries an enormous price-tag.
The economy is in ruins; thousands of citizens have been
killed; there is hunger and
deprivation where there could
have been relative prosperity.
The damage runs into the billions of dollars, and it
will take years
if not decades
to repair. The
situation is especially acute
when one considers the ca-
1 a m i t o u s
years of civil war prior to 1979:
the process of reconstruction
had scarcely begun when the
Reagan Administration
stepped in to abort the process
and deepen Nicaraguans' misery.
Still, the central image remains. A country of just over
three million people has successfully withstood an economic, military, and diplomatic siege by the most powerful nation on earth, for a period
longer than the entire Second
World War. Rebel forces in
nearby El Salvador were able,
with the barest trickle of outside help, to establish a functioning government apparatus
covering more than a third of
the country. In Nicaragua, the
contras, with their thousands
of troops and hundreds of mil-
Concerned citizen calls for peace in Cental America.
rd shore photo
...the energy and optimism of a large,
though diminished,
portion ofthe population is intact.
lions of dollars in direct and
covert U.S. aid, have failed (as
one U.S. Congressman noted
pithily) to take and control
even an outhouse, let alone a
community or a region. Their
impotence in conventional
military terms is evidenced by
the fact that the Sapoa negotiations were held immediately
after the largest and most successful Sandinista Army campaign of the entire war: one
which overran the contras' forward installations in Honduras and stopped just short of
destroying their main supply
base. The Sandinista architects of the revolution - "communist tyrants" in the eyes of
the Reagan Administration,
but now accepted as the legitimate government even by the
leaders of the proxy force once
pledged to their destruction -
remain by far
the most potent and coherent political force in
the country.
And as even a
recent visitor
to Nicaragua
will confirm,
the energy and optimism of a
large, though diminished, portion ofthe population is intact.
Anyone who doubts the
possible dimensions of the
Nicaraguan victory need only
listen to the dazed murmuring
at the White House after the
contras agreed to give up their
fight at Sapoa. "You can believe me, we had nothing to do
with this," said one shell-
shocked official. "It came as a
complete surprise." Clearly,
the U.S. still holds considerable sway: any global power is
capable of imposing misery
and privation on a small neighbour that incurs its wrath. But
it seems that except for isolated instances - preferably islands in the Caribbean smaller
than the Oval Office rug - the
U.S. no longer has the last
word.
Finally, the Sapoa truce
may represent a victory for
another force: the popular protest movement in North America that arose early in the
Reagan Administration and
has imposed decisive limits on
the kind of political intervention that is politically tenable.
What Reaganites call the "Vietnam syndrome" goes beyond
an unwillingness to see U.S.
soldiers dying on foreign soil. It
represents a conviction on the
part of a significant majority of
U.S. citizens that protracted
imperial campaigns are immoral and unwarranted. The
opposition, whether vocal or
merely visceral, has meant
that from the very start the Reagan Administration has been
forced to adopt cover methods,
up to and including drug-running and arms-dealing, to keep
its counterrevolutionary drive
alive.
Those covert methods are
deeply sleazy. They are also
generally impractical and inefficient, as well as offensive to
those in Congress who care
little about thousands of Nicaraguans dying, but do see a
threat in Congressional authority being arrogated by the
executive branch.
The fact that the U.S. has
not been able to return to its
familiar policy of sending in
the Marines is a tribute to the
changed political climate in
the U.S., and to those activists
who have worked - under considerable F.B.I, harassment -
to preserve and broaden it. If
Nicaragua's apparently successful defense of its sovereignty has ramifications far
beyond the Central American
isthmus, perhaps the success
ofthe anti-intervention movement jn imposing constraints
on state-sponsored terror will
have a similar longterm impact on the political process in
the world's most powerful liberal democracy.
20/THE UBYSSEY
March 30,1988

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