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The Ubyssey Apr 2, 1987

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Array <*
A Collections Serial
The Resurrection of
ELVIS
PRESLEY
A COMPLETELY STRAIGHT
Exclusive, the First "Live"
Interview with the original
Hillbilly Cat, the
Tennessee Truck Driver
Who Rose To Stardom and
Became the Undisputed
King of Rock'N Roll Speaks
of His Plan tPrStage the
Ultimate/ ^Hollywood
s. _■___!&„ ^m'%^_^^tmWm'',vs'/a*^-''     mf„________r^-
CotTIGD COMPLETELY STRAIGHT  2 APRIL 2-9, 1987
Intro
Shy guy makes
'em laugh
By Chris Wong
He's not very comfortable talking about himself with strangers.
Some would say he's shy. His
glance shifts to the ground when
you ask him a personal question.
Sometimes he blushes. People who
don't recognize him think he's just
another undesirable who sleeps in
Pacific Centre.
But after he's had a couple
drinks, Stan Hershey, or "The
Hersh", starts putting on the one-
man show that has made this 68
year old a legend in this beautiful
coastal city of Vancouver.
Hersh, for those few souls who
don't recognize this well-known
Vancouver personality, here's what
the guy does. . .the nut.
He puts his two index fingers inside his mouth, one finger on each
side, and stretches his cheeks back,
halfway to his ears.
"I've been doing this since I was
a kid," he says with a wry grin.
"What's the big deal?"
Hersh has stretched his cheeks at
Expo, in movie theatres, in Stanley
Park.
"Once 1 even did it at the
P.N.E." he says with a friendly
snort.
"I like to make people feel
good," he says with a wry grin.
"It's odd others can't do it," he
says. "It's no big deal."
But the people who know and
love his antics know it's a big deal.
Hersh is a Vancouver original.
But Vancouvers most loved funny man has experienced hate. And
not just once. Some say his cheery
manner today is the result of his
unhappy childhood.
"1 dunno," he says with a wry
grin.
Hersh was born 68 years ago in
Vancouver.
"I'm 68 years young," says the
Vancouver personality, wearing a
mischievous smile.
The Vancouver that Hersh grew
up in isn't the same one we know
today. "Things were really different back then. You, know,
nothing was the same. I remember
one time, I was about five or six I
guess, I dunno, I was walking down
Carrall Street, that was where
downtown was then, you know,
and I saw my first streetcar ever.
Things like that just don't happen
anymore, you know."
Hersh was the fourth youngest
child in a family of 19 children.
"We didn't have much money, and
my parents didn't get along very
well. And sometimes they'd both
leave the house for a week or two
and we kids would have to fend for
ourselves. We used to do shows for
the neighbourhood. I'd do the
cheek thing, you know. It was like
vaudeville. But not the big time,
you know. But we'd do these shows
and the next door neighbours would
complain. No one ever came to
watch."
He dropped out of school when
he was 16 yers old.
"Sixteen years young," he says
with a wry grin.
Since then he's been on The Vancouver Show five times. "Television. That's something else we
didn't have when I was growing up.
Iron maidens to star at gardens
STRAIGHT
TALK
Pirn ^ vi\k
Fish-heads, Fish-heads, roly-poly fish-heads. Fish-heads, Fish-heads, eat
them up, yum. I took a fish-head out to a movie, didn't have to pay to get It In.
Fish-heads, Fish-heads, roly-poly fish-heads. Fish-heads, Fish-heads. Eat
them up, Yum. 	
"The a  lot   bigger  than    __________________aaaaaaO'^'^*^*^
when I was young," he says, "It's
grown a lot."
Hersh says he's seen the city grow
from a small town, to a major
coastal city. "Not many can say
they've seen that," he says.
He used to work on the docks, he
says. "But that was years ago.
Years ago."
"Making people happy, and
visiting places. That is my life," he
adds with a wry grin. "I've been
everywhere in this city.
Everywhere."
That is apparent by the huge
number of Vancouverites who
know him. He's not a television
star, but he's recognized.
"They know me wherever I go,"
he says.
Some of his favourite places are
downtown.
"I love downtown Vancouver.
It's my favourite place, to tell you
the truth. Not that I don't like the
other areas. Don't get me wrong. I
love them. I love this city. But
downtown. I think downtown is
it."
Does he have a favorite part of
downtown?
"Naw. I love it all. I just walk
around. You know. Everywhere. I
walk up Granville, then down
Pender, then down Richards, then,
out to Main, then back downtown
past Expo. I loved Expo."
He didn't see Expo 67 in Montreal. "Never wanted to leave Vancouver," he says with a wry grin.
Every day is the same for him.
Another happy experience of the city he loves. And another day for
Vancouver to continue its love affair with this very special, unique
Vancouver personality.
"I don't think I'm anything
special," he says with a wry grin.
Then, without hesitating a moment,
he sticks his fingers inside his
mouth, as he has so many
thousands of times before, and it is
obvious that he is a very special person.
FANTASY GARDENS will be
hopping the summer — its
friendly owners have prepared
for a season of laughs, giggles
and good honest Christian
fun. Lily V., owner and 	
manager of the sprawling -^——.
Richmond complex, says the Gadens have many new attractions
this year, including an enormous, carpeted prayer room where the
devout of all nations (as long as they're Christian) can offer up
prayers and supplications with a joyful noise for the furtherance of
political Christianity worldwide. "We call it the Help-God-back-the-
right-party room," says Lily with a giggle. Another new attraction
will be a small, medieval torture room in the new Dutch castle,
complete with racks, iron maidens, shackles and realistic torture
victims. "It's just a lark to show that past generations might have
done with pro-abortionists," Lily said with a laugh, adding she was
just kidding. At the north of the garden the owners will have a constant attraction of welfare bums shovelling manure for minimum
wage. Manure and a trucking company have already been signed to
constantly replenish the pile . . . UBC is planning another wacky,
fun and sometime serious Openhouse in the future, says Dave "I'll
call 140,000 people 'Open' " Strangway, the astrophysicist who
blasted in from Alpha Centauri to become UBC's president. This
one will be organized around the theme. Space, the Last Frontier,
which Dave says is an entirely original theme. The always interesting looking Strangway will himself be speaking on Space,
Moon Rocks and a UBC President's Mind. Should be good . . .
THERE HAVE been a number of notable public events this year,
and System's night clubs rcent announcement of an Asian night
should be quite a bash. The manager said they just wanted to emphasize the multi-cultural nature of Vancouver by holding an evening when everyone must dress in an Asian style. Only Caucasians
can come, the manager added . . . MAYOR Gordon Campbell
and his NPA will be hosting a Let Them Eat Cake gala at the Hotel
Vancouver in response to the declining stocks in the city's food-
banks. Taking a serious, no-nonsense approach to the issue of
hunger in Vancouver, Campbell said he and other Vancouver
notables would help raise money for food. Donations will be contributed to a fund to buy the hungry cake, in assorted flavors, to
remind them of the good things they're missing. "That should
harden their will to struggle on," says Campbell . . . The Vancouver Sun is purportedly preparing a new advertising blitz that
should wow this city, according to an advertising executive. The
executive said the Sun's coming campaign, "The Vancouver Sun,
the reliable source on dead and mutilated children," should be up
on poster boards around the Lower Mainland soon in living color.
The executive, who refused to be named, says the entertaining
new posters of murdered children the Sun has covered should be
an eyecatcher. The posters were thought up, says the source,
because top editors at the Sun didn't think their current advertising
campaign, "The Sun, the reliable source" was colourful enough.
TOOLS you
WILL fJHO:
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ft^  l_\fA-T£T3 Vol. LXIX, No. 50
Vancouver. B.C. Thursday, April 2.19»7i
FINAL EDITION Page
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2,1987
Our first anti-Mark Classen letter
It was with great disappointment
that I read Mark Classen's letter in
the March 31 issue of The Ubyssey.
It is not only because I am a
physicist — and as such find $200
million a small price to pay for clues
to the nature of the universe — nor,
was it Mr. Classen's sad
misrepresentation of physicists as
"affluent", and their goals as
"kudos".
It was primarily that Mr. Classen
seems to feel that funding research
in one area necessarily hurts other
areas. While this has been true in
some hotly-contested fields in the
short term, it is never true in the
long term.
The results of fundamental
research such as would be carried
out at the expanded TRIUMF
facility cannot be predicted. It is
possible (although this is admittedly
rampant speculation) that an
obscure reaction mechanism would
be discovered which would allow inexpensive fusion power to be
distributed throughout the Third
World.
TRIUMF is already heavily involved in the production of
radioisotopes used as tracers in the
UBC hospital's Positron Emission
Tomograph (PET scanner), a
diagnostic and research tool which
is helping investigators unravel the
mysteries of Parkinson's disease
and Alzheimer's disease.
Mr. Classen is also a apparently
unaware of the fact that our ability
to aid the Third World is a direct
result of our affluence. By neglecting fundamental research in any
discipline, we leave ourselves
vulnerable to disastrously advanced competition from "affluent and
nationalistic" nations, not the least
of which is the United States.
In the worst case, we find
ourselves forced to import all our
technology and expertise from more
advanced nations at great economic
cost — just as Third World nations
do today. We have little to offer the
Third World by joining them.
Finally, I object to Mr. Classen's
implication that research is
somehow not part of a program of
"humanism". Quite the contrary
— the academic system owes its existence to the humanist values of the
Renaissance, and the search for the
structure of the universe in large
particle accelerators is just as
human as the anthropologist's
search for man's origins, or the
painter's expression of beauty on
canvas, or any of the other activities
carried out at universities all over
the world.
Deciding where money is "best
spent" is never easy.
But when attempting to make (or
judge) such a decision, it is wise to
keep one's eyes on the long-term
results, as well as the short term. I
agree with Mr. Classen that the
creation of 5,000 jobs does not
justify the expense. None of the
short term consequences justify the
expense, but the creation of a uniquely valuable scientific research
facility justifies the expense may
times over.
I would recommend that Mr.
Classen take a tour of the TRIUMF
On Sunday morning at approximately 10:00 a.m.,
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THE    UBYSSEY
Page 3
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nterior students
have a difficult
time coming to UBC • • •
Students from
B.C.'s Interior are a
diverse lot.
The only thing they
agree on is how misinformed lower
mainlanders are. Ur-
banites generally know
more about Mars of
France than what's
beyond the city limits
in their own province.
Law student Janna Sylvest, who
worked in Nelson last summer,
gives an example. When she returned to UBC last fall, law students
from the lower mainland were surprised to learn there were regular
courts in the Interior. They thought
the Interior had circuit judges like
the Yukon Territory.
A letter in the Jan. 9 Ubyssey,
"B.C. geek needs clique," depicted
common stereotypes that lower
mainlanders hold. The satire, written by a person using a pseudonym,
described an Interior student
writing: "Where I come from all
the people are dull and boring and I
just can't imagine anyone trying to
break such a fine tradition."
The letter by "Jacques Orlando"
described an imaginary "small town
geek" who dislikes innovation,
drinks until he "keels over," watches a lot of tv, hates fashion and
listens to only heavy metal music.
Although access to university for
Interior students became a political
issue in the last year, many
stereotypes regarding these students
remain.
Any student who came from
B.C.'s interior to UBC has dealt
with "Jacques Orlando's" attitudes
and with lower mainlanders who
think everyone in the interior wear
baseball caps and plaid jackets,
drives big, dirty pick-up trucks, and
live in grubby little towns.
There is a lot more out there.
There is not one interior, but many:
some rainy, some dry; some prosperous, some poor; some culturally deprived, some culturally active.
There are big cities and little
villages, modern company towns
and historic communities, wheat
growing prairies and hundreds of
square kilometres of forest.
The students who come from
these areas to UBC often have little
in common, except that lower
mainlanders lump them together.
These students are much more
diverse than most people realize.
Take six examples of young people
from Castlegar, a pulp mill town of
10,000 with large communities of
Doukhobors and recent Portugese
immigrants located between squat,
wooded mountains:
• Janna Sylveste, law 2, a snappy
dresser who likes chunky metal
jewellery. She plans to be a prosperous: labour lawyer with a Vancouver firm.
• Jon Varabioff, arts 2, wears
long, curly hair parted on the side
and has played the guitar professionally. He studies Korean.
• Sari Sather, arts 2, a tall, slim
woman who has modelled professionally in Vancouver and works as
a dental hygeinist. Sather wants to
complete a masters degree in
sociology.
• John Landis, commerce 4, a
strong-willed, outgoing guy and
president of UBC's Young Socreds.
He intends to go into labor law.
• Rhys Andrews, forestry 4, this
year's forestry class valedictorian.
He plans to work in the interior as
soon as he can leave.
• John Darosa, science 4, tall,
dark and handsome. He plans to
work as an ecologist in the interior.
Students who came from the Interior have different attitudes
towards the city and their
hometown. Rhys Andrews proudly
wears a bright blue Kootenay
Mountaineering Club t-shirt and
says he cannot wait to leave the city.
"I get excited when I leave the
freeway and hit the two-lane
highway," he says.
The masses of humanity, the unfriendliness of strangers and the
decaying areas of Vancouver
repulse him, he says. He misses the
forests and rivers of the Interior.
"I'm just a bush friend," Andrews admits.
But John Varabioff, arts 2, says
he does not want to leave Vancouver because he can explore his
individuality here.
"When I lived in the small-town I
wanted to be WASP . . . but since
moving here I don't want to be
John Smith," he says.
He still runs into what he calls
"those well-intentioned but totally
misinformed comments" from
lower mainlanders, especially about
Doukhobors, his ancestry.
Varabioff's most surprising
metropolitan incident occured
shortly after moving to Vancouver.
He started work at a restaurant and
asked another employee about going out for a beer.
"He said, 'We're going out to a
men's club, would you like to join
us?" Varabioff went along not
knowing it was a gay bar until they
got there. He soon left.
Varabioff, who is heterosexual,
said the other waiters pinched his
bum for about another month after
he went to the club.
Most Interior students also face a
mild culture shock when they move
to a university. David Darosa,
science 4, says with a laugh: "I still
enjoy every time I go downtown.
I'm kind of in awe of how big they
can make those buildings."
Darosa says he dislikes the noisy,
crowded aspects of the city.
"And I feel I've been exposed to
more things, more adventure, than
kids here," he says, referring to
hiking and canoeing trips.
As well as having different views
of the city, the Interior students
also have different and complex
views to explain why so few youths
from the Interior attend post-
secondary institutions in B.C.
There's definitely a problem. In
B.C. 17.2 per cent of the 18 to 24
year olds attend post-secondary institutions, Canada's lowest post-
secondary participation rate. And
the interior's rate is lower than the
lower mainland's.
The recently released provincial
student aid program sets aside
equalization funds for first and
second year students living away
from home. At UBC, students
formed the Coalition for Accessible
Education to deal with regional and
other student aid-related problems.
But Castlegar students also point
to a lack of information in the interior on universities, poor
counselling in high schools and fear
of leaving home as reasons rural
students are not attending post-
secondary institutions.
Dennis Magrega, acting director
of UBC's student counselling, says
while the main cause of B.C.'s low
participation is economic, there are
other reasons. "It's got to be a
value statement," he said. B.C.
residents do not rate education
highly.
Those students who do come to
UBC from the Interior are highly
motivated, primarily from professional families, and more likely to
complete their degree than the
average lower mainland student,
Magrega adds.
The Castlegar students all worked during their university years but
most of them have had to take out
some loans. The wages usually failed to cover expenses. And the Interior has higher unemployment
rates than Vancouver has.
But the sterotypes of lower
mainlanders have of those from the
Interior, and their inability to
understand the out-of-town
students face in travelling to the
coast to study, annoys the students
more than loans or work opportunities.
As Sari Sather points out lower
mainlanders are not only narrow-
minded regarding the interior but
also the rest of the world.
• •. and get a hard time
while studying here. Page 4
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
Letter #2 for Classen
I agree that $200 million is an ex-
horbitant price to pay for the
discovery that "W" particles rotate
to the left (TRIUMF a waste,
March 31). So, Mark, what do you
propose? If experimental work in
particle physics isn't worth the cost
then let's eliminate it; if we close
down the B.C. facility it makes
sense to close down all world class
facilities — yes, the U.S. is more affluent than Canada, but its social
problems are on a much larger
scale.
But what is the purpose of experimental physics? It is carried out
in an effort to establish the physical
reality of theoretical predictions. If
there is no possibility of testing a
theory then it will never be known
to be true (or at least usable), so
without endeavors in experimental
physics I suggest that money spent
on theoretical physics is wasted and
therefore these activities should
cease.
Now, bottle this philosophy,
travel backward in time and uncork
it in the early nineteenth century.
The result is that Faraday, Oersted,
Maxwell and Lorentz make their
livings as door-to-door shoe
salesmen; the enormous potential
of electromagnetism is never realized.
SNAP!
We're back in the year 1987. Our
hospitals have no electric equipment, there are no long range com
munication devices and no electric
power whatsoever. A bummer.
It is naive to think that in the
twenty-first century a similar story
will not be told; perhaps today's
discovery of "W" particles will
have as profound an effect on
tomorrow as yesterday's discovery
of electromagnetic principles has
had on today. We aren't pursuing
physics kudos — we're pursuing
knowledge and understanding.
Knowledge of rotating "W" particles is not worth $200 million, but
1 believe we bought much more
than that. Gordon Douglas
Geophysics 4
PATSCAN
news
Want a new angle
on your pet
research project?
Try a patent search, now available at
a 90% discount to all students at the
Main UBC Library, Science Division.
Called PATSCAN, this new on-line
search service finds citations to
Canadian and International patents.
Patents are a great source of information on innovative technology —
over 70% of the information published in recent patent literature does
not appear anywhere else.
Contact Ron Simmer at 228-5404 for
an informational patent search.
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DUTHIE BOOKS
224-7012
If you've dropped into Duthie
Books on West Tenth Avenue lately
you probably noticed some big
changes, and the biggest is the installation of our new computer
system.
The new system should allow us
to expand the number of individual
titles we carry — now nearly 50,000
and growing daily — and to keep a
sharper eye on our stock levels.
We think the new computerized
system should help to speed up the
processing of special orders and
mail orders, too.
We have also increased the size of
some of the sections in the store.
Paperback fiction, mysteries,
reference, the social sciences and
history are some of the areas where
we're building the number of titles
we stock.
While all of these changes are going on it is, of course, also the new
spring season. Local publisher
Douglas & Mclntyre is launching a
new trade paperback fiction series
featuring a mix of a new Canadian
writers and important reprints. The
first two titles in the series are Fire
Eyes, a new novel by British Columbia writer D.F. Bailey, on the
making of a terrorist, and a reprint
of Malcolm Lowry's fine Hear Us
O Lord From Heaven Thy Dwelling
Place.
Douglas & Mclntyre also has two
important non-fiction titles for spr
ing: Hard Choices: A Life of Tom
Berger by Carolyn Swayze, and
Northern Spring, George Woodcock's look at the recent flowering
of Canadian literature.
Two distinguished writers of
essays, criticism and fiction have
come out with new novels dealing
with writing and identity Cynthia
Ozick's The Messiah of Stockholm
and The Enigma of Arrival by V.S.
Naipaul.
Also in hardcover, Jeffrey
Moussaieff Masson follows up his
controversial study of Freud, The
Assault on Truth, with an equally
contentious analysis of sexuality in
the nineteenth century, A Dark
Science.
In paperback, another collection
of Stephen Jay Gould's fine essays
on natural history, The Flamingo's
Smile, has just arrived and
historian Peter Gabriel's Military
Incompetence, a thought provoking study of America's military
misadventures since Vietnam, is
selling well.
Two of the most fascinating new
paperbacks of the season are by
neurologist Oliver Sacks. The Man
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THE    UBYSSEY
Page 5
A Puccini Opera, Toronto Opera
PHOTOS
BY
MALCOLM
PEARSON
The Winter's Tale, Frederic Wood Theatre, 1987
The Winter's Tale, Frederic Wood Theatre, 1387
World class designer takes farewell bows
By MICHAEL GROBERMAN
B'rian Jackson, UBC's resident
world-class theatre set and
costume designer, is retiring
and returning to the small Ontario
town that he and a handful of
British imports turned into a North
American theatre centre: Stratford,
Ontario.
Jackson, 61, is modest when
speaking of his accomplishments.
Softspoken in conversation, he is
interested in discussing his work,
but disinclined to discuss that work
in the larger context of his influence
on Canadian theatre design.
"I just see myself as a competent
designer."
But with over  100 professidnal
theatre designs behind him, including 21 for the Stratford Festival
and the Mikado on Broadway in
1961 (toured from Stratford), it
would appear that Jackson is a bit
more than competent.
Jackson was initially invited to
Canada from his position in London'd Old Vic Theatre's properties
department by the Stratford
Festival's first artistic director, Sir
Tyrone Guthrie.
Jackson remembers his first trip
over, in the festival's third season,
in 1955. "There was only a tent.
And we came over en masse. We all
knew each other."
Jackson was head of props at
Stratford, but he was soon drafted
into set and costume design, which
is what he really wanted to do. He
designed sets and costumes for The
Beggar's Opera in 1958, and also
designed The Masked Ball, on the
side, for the Canadian Opera Company.
That first season he spent only
three months in Canada, returning
to England and the Old Vic.
Canada was his summer destination. He commuted for three years,
then, like many of the other commuters, decided to stay permanently.
He remained in Stratford, designing 21 play in 17 years.
Perhaps Jackson's most tangible
legacy in Stratford is the pillared
stage of Stratford's Festival
Theatre.   In   1962 he  and  Tanya
Moiseiwitsch redesigned it, raising
the balcony, reducing the number
of pillars, rearranging the cluster of
staircases, and installing a trap door
in the balcony.
He left Stratford when his first
marriage broke up.
"My wife was a Stratford person
and I needed a change."
He became a freelance designer,
moving from operas at the National
Arts Centre in Ottawa, to plays at
the Vancouver Playhouse.
In 1980 he assumed his current
position with the UBC theatre
department. He has taught design
and designed many Frederic Wood
shows. His most recent designs arc
the costumes for last month's The
Winter's Tale, sets and costumes
for the season opener, Blood Relations, and the sets and costumes for
last year's sixties setting of As You
Like It.
He does like designing
Shakespeare. "I like the big casts,
and no one's done characterization
like he has."
He has designed Twelfth Night
four times. "It's a bit tricky," he
explains, coming up with new ideas.
"They tend to get muddled up."
His favourite designs tend to be
for opera, because they are so
elaborate. He especially liked opera
early in his career.
"You start off, you think you
See page 6: STRATFORD Page 6
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
Stratford festooned with style
From page 5
know all the tricks, and you want to'
try them all in one production. It
takes maturity to be selective and
smaller."
He calls himself a working
designer, meaning he does more
than just sketches. He makes
careful detailed models of his sets.
I'm considered one of the top
model builders in the business," he
says bluntly.
He's also useful in the costume
shop, where he loves to make hats.
"I can go in a corner and not bother
anyone." And he loves making
masks. "I'd be quite happy to make
masks the rest of my life."
He's currently making a 16 inch
diameter, fat, pudgy-faced mask,
perfectly round, surrounded by!
sharp, wooden points.
"It's an 18th century Sun king.
It's going to be cast and guilded. A
war mask for my wife, but she
doesn't know she's getting it yet."
For a production of The Marriage of Figaro at the National Arts
Centre, he built his own full-sized
human statue.
"I got a tailor's dummy and
dressed it in a costume dipped in
glue, then painted it." But he won't
take credit for the innovative approach "Leonardo Da Vinci did
it."
When shopping for costume
materials for a 1962 Stratford production of Henry VIII, he was offered a small barrel of ermine tails
at thirty cents a tail.
"I bought the lot without consulting the production manager, as
I believed they would certainly be
used in the future." The expenditure was considered excessive.
There was no immediate use for
them. "I took one home for my
cat."
Jackson was born in London,
England in 1926. He dropped out of
school when he was 16, and went to
work building furniture. He decided he was interested in theatre
design about the same time as
World War II, so he thought about
it in the British army, stationed in
Israel and Egypt.
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"I hated it. I was a terrible
soldier." He didn't see combat.
Upon his return to London, he
won a scholarship to the Southern
College of Art and found an instructor who created courses for
him which related to theatre design.
''You know all the
tricks, and you want to try
them all in one produc-
tion."	
"In those days there was no
theatre design courses in the art.
schools."
That guided study got him into
the best theatre school in England,
at The Old Vic theatre. He was in its
last class.
After his graduation from the
school, the Old Vic hired him for its
properties department, Props
weren't his passion, but "I knew it
was just a step." Two years later
Tyrone   Guthrie   invited   him   to
Stratford, and his design career
began.
His drawings have been sold to
private collectors, and continue to
appear in the Stratford Festival's
desk calendar. An exhibition
celebrating his career to date, opens
at the Faculty Club Monday, April
6, for a month.
When he first came to Canada,
he found this country to be a bit of
a theatre design backwater. He
believes the Stratford Festival has
had an enormous influence on
theatre design in Canada.
"Stratford has had an incredible
influence, more than it's credited
with. And it has set the standard for
productions everywhere."
And Jackson has clearly been a
central figure in Stratford's work.
It would appear, although he
would deny it, that Jackson has had
an important influence on making
theatre design in Canada world
class.
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In his first year with the Thunderbirds,
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CORKY'S t-shirt. Nominees also receive a t-shirt. Thursday, April 2, 1987
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 7
No
borders
here
Fifty cents may mean
nothing more to the
average student than a cup
of coffee. But to two UBC
students every year, it
means survival.
By MARY McALISTER
Lbraham YaYa-Ele is a soft-
spoken Ethiopian who is hesitant to
talk about the "political problems"
which caused his to flee his native
country in 1981. Instead he tells of
the poor social and economic living
conditions that refugees face.
"Nobody provides you with any
assistance. You can't find jobs
because young people who leave
their home country are generally
unskilled and the country of asylum
wants to employ their own people,"
he says.
The people living today in
Ethiopia want to be educated, but
the few who manage to flee political
oppression find the situation in the
countries where they seek asylum, is
often just as bad as the situation
they left.
YaYa-Ele is a lucky one of hundreds of refugees who apply yearly
for sponsorship in the refugee program of The World University Service of Canada. But luck is not all
that got him into graduate studies at
UBC.
"These students are not given
any special consideration. They still
have to meet the entrance requirements. But these are above
average students and many of them
tend to be on the dean's honor
roll," says Chris Friesen, a student
refugee coordinator of the WUSC
local committee at UBC.
The refugees' education and living expenses are covered by a 50
cent fee levy established by a 1983
student referendum for refugees.
Since then, the idea has caught
on. "After our successful referendum the idea spread. It's the biggest
thing that came out of UBC," says
Friesen.
McGill, University of Victoria,
Queens, Dalhousie, and the University of Calgary also have established
fee levies for refugee students.
"Fifty cents is nothing but it's
supporting two people," says
YaYa-Ele.
The levy raises $13,000 a year
from UBC's awards office and the
faculty association  has also con
tributed about $6,000 to the fund.
The money goes toward the individual's total living expenses for a
period of 12 months, says Friesen
This includes help with tuition,
books, room and board, a clothing
allowance, and a $100 a month
spending allowance.
"If students were told about the
refugee program and where their
money was going, I'm sure they
would be paying double (for the fee
levy) than they pay now," says
YaYa-Ele.
But two students at UBC is only a
drop in a tide of young people
waiting for the chance to lead a normal life.
Worku Abebe is a PhD student
who left Ethiopia in September
1984 and spent a year in Sudan
before coming to UBC WITH
WUSC.
"By chance I happened to come
here, but there are so many people
like me wasting their time there. It's
not just a question of getting an
education, it's saving lives. Even if
a student fails while he's here it's
better than leaving them in countries of asylum," says Abebe. "The
situation is miserable over there."
Abebe received a masters degree
in England, then returned to
Ethiopia to work as a lecturer at
Addisababa University.
Other faculty members he encountered at the school — mostly
East Germans — resented his
foreign education which they claimed was capitalist and at cross purposes to their so-called
"socialism."
"The East Germans didn't like
my presence there. For example if
something was missing from the
department the would blame me,"
says Abebe.
After having his life threatened,
and being thrown into jail, Abebe
fled Ethiopia in 1984. When asked
He would if ho could
why he was imprisoned Abebe
looks to YaYa-Ele and exchanges a
bitter laugh.
"There are hundreds of
excuses," he says. "The whole
aspect lies in the difference of
political opinion. The Ethiopian
government listens to what the East
Germans say. I can't say anything.
In my own country I was treated as
a second class citizen."
Abebe is not afraid to be blunt.
"Since 1984 in Ethiopia, we have
had a military government supported by Russians. This government, from what I have experienced, is one of the most cruel governments that has ever existed. Even
more cruel than the South African
government."
YaYa-Ele and Abebe are both
critical of Canadian ignorance of
Ethiopian and Third World issues.
"Canadians all know Ethiopia
because of the famine," says YaYa-
Ele, explaining that the problem
still exists.
"People generally think that the
famine happened because of unproductive land or because the people are weak. The main cause is
human. The young men are all
fighting so there's no one producing
al the same time."
Abebe soon gets to the point. "If
they really want to help, Canadians
should become aware, not just give
some grain."
Compared to the situation he
came from, Abebe is pleased with
his life in Canada now, but he really
just feels like a normal student.
"Nothing is really good or bad.
I'm just living as expected. I saved
myself, I can live, I can survive, and
I have an education."
WUSC is the only Canadian
organization that has a program for
refugee students. Since the program
began in 1978, 137 students have
been sponsored by the 90 local campus committees. Most of the sponsor students come from mainland
Africa: Uganda, South Africa and
Ethiopia.
"We're working on spreading
our contacts into Central
America," says Friesen.
But one obvious problem with
the program is the lack of women
sponsor students.
"Women applicants are few and
far between. About 95 per cent are
male, which is really bad. WUSC is
slowly getting more applications
from women," says Frieson.
"In many of the refugee camps
the situation for women is much
worse than men. They don't have
the same educational opportunities
or they may have children to care
for," he says.
While both Abebe and YaYa-Ele
praise WUSC for the assistance
they've received, Abebe continues
to focus on the urgency of changing
the desperate situation of the
refugees. He brings up the
economic hardship and
hopelessness of their situation.
"At this time Ethiopians are one
of the largest proportion of
refugees in the world. There are
more than 500,000 Ethiopian
refugees in Sudan alone. The situation for them is very bad," he says.
"The best thing is to increase the
sponsorships. If the WUSC local
committees can be increased to
other universities and colleges and
even high schools, we'll be making
a strong move in helping more people," says Abebe.
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THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
Goodbye
Well another year has come and gone like so many seasons in
the sun. We hope you had joy and fun because for us the wine and
song is all gone.
Goodbye to all our faithful readers, Martin, Simon, Jamie, the
effervescent Carol, Rebecca, Terry, Fran and that wild and wacky
gang at the AMS.
Goodbye to "big Dave", K.D., Neil and all the kind and
thoughful secretaries up at UBC administration. Goodbye to Bobby, Ricky, Stevie, Frankie and all the other funky far out cats at
UBC athletics. No hard feelings guys.
Goodbye to Pat forever — we hope you never come back and as
for Bill and Stanny, well we'll certainly meet again.
Goodbye to all those student radicals, Vanessa, Micheal, Brian,
Horacio, Jamie, Alicia and of course the   idomitable Patricia.
Goodbye to Jean, your protest was not in vain.
Goodbye to Jacques Orlando, send him back to Kitimat.
Goodbye to all the old hacks and to Armand,The Hatter, Don,
Bill, Dougie, Norm, Wayne, Margaret, Ross and Fred at College
Printers.
Goodbye to all the wonderful staffers that helped put out the
vilest rag west of Blanca. Goodbye to Stephen, Rosanne, Marg
and all the kids at CFS.
Goodbye to James, John, Melinda, Diane and all the wonderful
people at CUP.
Goodbye to Darlene and all the swell people at the NDP.
Goodbye to Stephanie, Karen, Faith, Winnie and all those sweet
Peak people.
Goodbye to that historic office, the broken typewriters, the fuzzy
telephone lines, the noise, the confusion, the chaos, the beautiful
sunset. Let us say goodbye to sheer Hell and the pleasure and joy
that came with it. Now that the spring is in the air, pretty flowers
grow everywhere, think of us and we'll be there.
These are the 1986-87 Ubyssey editors. They've worked hard & long on this, the
final issue. So why are they crying?
l/fcroR ixong      (j3vszey'z7
Letters
Mark Classen, you stepped in it this time
Regarding Mark Classen's letter
(The Ubyssey, March 31). He said
$200 million was an exorbitant price
to discover that subatomic W particles rotate to the left. He says, "Is
this the only human benefit
physicists can claim?"
Never mind that a first-class,
meson facility and Kaon factory
would put Vancouver on the
technological world map. Let's
look at what "human benefits
physicists can claim."
Unfortunately, this type of
remark shows the wide bridge between science and arts. Think Mark!
I'll give it to you in a word: cancer.
The new PION therapy that is being developed at TRIUMF shows
major promise in fighting cancer.
Up to now doctors had only one
choice to fight a brain tumor. They
had to suck out major parts of your
brain to get rid of the cancer. Now,
the tumor can be fought using
PION therapy, which doesn't in
volve any cutting.
Also, the PET scan (Positron
Emission Tomography) is used to
detect cancer at a very early stage
using a method far less hazardous
than X-rays. All the elements for
conducting a PET scan are being
made at TRIUMF.
In addition, TRIUMF has a
direct vacuum pipeline to the UBC
hospital and VGH so that short lived radio-isotopes can be quickly
transported to the hospitals for
many therapeutic uses.
Another word is superconductivity-
TRIUMF is a major contributor
to gaining an understanding of the
new superconductors discovered
only months ago. We are very close
now to obtaining a superconductor
that operates at room temperature.
I guess that after all the important work that is going on at
TRIUMF leads to superconducting
transmission lines,  Mark will,  in
protest of this research, refuse to
pay cheaper electric rates, or refuse
to let us export such technology to
the third world.
One last item: jobs.
This kind of research has already
put many B.C. companies on the
world market. This is because
TRIUMF contracts out a lot of its
work to companies in B.C. That
would otherwise have no reason to
reside here. Since the work
demands innovative and complex
designs,   these   companies   have
developed technologies that are applicable to many other types of industries. Hence, they have grown
and become successful in gaining
contracts all over the world.
Now, all this money is flowing into B.C. But, of course, Mark, we
don't want to progress do we now?
No, we want to stay a Banana
Republic depleting its resources until the point of no return.
By the way, look around the
buildings on campus, especially
behind the Physics building, and try
to find one single Mercedes. Now
look around your beloved
Buchanan building. That's why I
would turn around and run away.
If you don't have all the facts,
don't show us your ignorance.
Good luck on your supplemental
exams.
Aaron Drake
physics 2
Paul Schleger
physics 4
James Forrest
physics 4
TRIUMF is useful. Mr. Classen
THE UBYSSEY
April 2, 1987
The Ubyssey is published Tuesday and Friday
throughout the academic year by the Alma Mater Society of the University of British Columbia. Editorial
opinions are those of the staff and are not necessarily
those of the administration or the AMS. Member Canadian University Press. The Ubyssey's editorial office is
SUB 241k. Editorial, 228-2301/2305. Advertising, 228-3977.
Four young people that were destined to change popular music and student newspapers forever.
This is their story . . .
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHH This is the sound that greeted the Bugs, the greatest rock group in history.
And now, finally a documentary of Three Lads and a lassie from their beginnings in the slums of Liver
pool to their superstardom. What made Dave Ferman, Svetozar Kontic, Michael Groberman and
Evelyn "Bingo" Jacob so special to the hearts of millions? Let's find out . . ."
"Popular music had gotten stale and vapid . . ."
(Cut to clip of Tony Roberts singing "I'll never let you go . . . Why? Because I love you . . .")
(Cut to clip of the Golden Age of Victor Wong, clad in white bucks and sweater, singing
"AAAAAAApril Loooooooove . . .")
(Cut to clip of Patti Flather singing "He wore tan shoes with pink shoe laces, a polka dot vest
and . . ."
(Cut to clip Ross McLaren singing "I told the witch doctor, I was in love with you . . .")
. . . but two young lads, Svetozar Kontic and David Ferman would meet in a Liverpool bar in 1958, a
meeting that would change musical history . . .
" 'eh," said Kontic, elbowing aside Mark Leiren-Young and Jody Woodland, comatose on the floor,
"Wud you 'urry up? I gotta go!"
"All right," said Ferman, exiting the cubicle. As Kontic went inside to perform his absolutions, he
began to sing "Purple People Eater", "It woz a one eyed, one 'orned flyin' purple people eater. . ."
Ferman. washing his hands, said " 'ey, that's not bad. I'd like to form a song writing partnership with
you, maybe form a band that will sell billions of records, 'ow about it?"
Kontic said "Sounds like it could be fab . . ."
. . . and so, Kontic and Ferman formed The Garbagemen, a rocking duo that starred in all the first
class comfort stations in the Liverpool area. One day as they were performing, a young lad, Michael
Groberman, leaded out of the crowd and started playing songs from Big River on his electric guitar.
        See page 12 .
Regarding Mark Classen's letter
on TRIUMF (The Ubyssey, March
31), why does he choose to appear
to be so simple minded, unaware
and ignorant? I hope this moron's
opinion does not represent that of
the majority of students at UBC.
TRIUMF represents an invaluable resource and research tool
to investigate fundamental laws of
nature, chemical reactions, and
subatomic particle behavior. This
leads to biomedical applications
such  as PET (positrong emission
tomography, providing valuable information in treatment of
neurological disorders) and cancer
therapy (TRIUMF pion therapy),
development of new superconductors, development of high energy
physics (LASER and MASER), and
other energy related research. These
achievments are all based on the
fundamental aspects of nature,
such as the behavior of "W" particles.
I   suggest   that   Mark   Classen
should   learn   more   about   the
Judge not lest ye be judged
In response to Martin Dawes' letter in the March 27, 1987 edition of
The Ubyssey, I would like to point
out three things.
Firstly, discrimination against
people in Canada on the basis of
religion is forbidden by Section 15
of the Charter of Rights and
Freedom (Christians included).
Secondly, he should not judge a
group (i.e. Christians) by what one
or more of the group may have said
or done, but by what they profess
and by the actions of the group as a
whole.
By suggesting that Christians be
"bitched" at he implies we deserve
criticism; what would you like to
criticize Martin?
Please contact me by leaving a
letter for me at the Faculty of Law
and I would be happy to discuss any
aspect of my faith with you.
Thirdly, for Martin to suggest all
Christians deserve criticism without
having given reasons why
(presumably he has some) and collectively suggesting all Christians
deserve to be "bitched" at is as unfair and discriminately as it would
be for me, for example, to call Martin an "ugly bigot" based solely on
the fact that I consider his suggestion both ugly and bigoted.
Instead, I will offer my prayers
for Martin that he may find joy and
happiness someday through the
forgiving love of the Lord Jesus
Christ. (Christian means Christ
like. We have two rules: 1) Love
God. 2) Love your neighbor as
yourself.)
John Humphries
law 3
research that takes place at
TRIUMF instead of wasting ink
and proving his ignorance of
science.
The funding of TRIUMF will
benefit humanity in an indirect
way. It provides the knowledge
necessary for direct applications. If
this kind of research is left to the
U.S. and the U.S.S.R. it will give
them more power to exploit that
same humanity of which Mark
speaks. One example of this is fusion power. When the U.S. completes the development of commercial reactors Canada will have to
pay many times more for that second hand technology.
The kind of research that goes on
at TRIUMF could give Canada the
tools to improve the conditions in
which humanity exists. I could
name numerous arts projects
(restoration of paintings, art
galleries, VSO, etc.) which do not
directly benefit "... hospitals,
comunity shelters and education or
programs in the Third World ..."
Why does Mark choose to attack
science? I do not think that all projects need to have the appearance of
directly benefiting social conditions.
I believe that writers should take
the time to learn about what they
write before they display their ignorance publicly.
Douglas Hill
applied science 2 Thursday, April 2,1987
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 9
The Ubyssey petition: some students think it's good idea
It's strange that seventy-five per
cent of the students interviewed
around SUB would be against the
petition bring circulated. For the
past three weeks I have been drawing student's attention to this petition. Only one student has refused
to sign it; two others expressed the
view that possibly half a page may
be enough.
On Friday after reading the article "Clubs demand more Ubyssey
Coverage", I randomly interviewed
several students. All were in favour
of the position. Here is what some
of them had to say. "1 am shocked
to hear that the clubs and societies
have to pay to advertise. The
Tweens is not enough. The Ubyssey
is a paper for the students, by the
students. At least one page devoted
to all clubs and societies seems very
reasonable." Maria Trudeau. "1
think the petition is a good idea."
Tammy Wong Sc 3; Linda Wong
Arts I. "Giving the coverage asked
for by the petition, which I have
signed, would increase student interest in the paper." Ian Pilkington
Eng 2.
"More in the Ubyssey on clubs
and societies, and their events
would make students more aware of
what    is    going    on    at    their
university." Kim Arnott Poli Sci 4.
"The Tweens does not give enough
coverage for messages of appreciation that I feel are deserving of the
campus organizations." Patricia
Lynn Comeau Alpha Phi.
"If The Ubyssey is interested in
covering articles and promotional
material of the clubs and societies, I
can provide material on a regular
basis covering my organization."
Kenneth Ing AIESEC, Commerce
Letters
President speaks on task forces
This letter is to inform students
that the report on the task force on
how to deal with sexual harassment
has been completed. It will be
published in the April 15 issue of
the UBC Reports as an insert. This
means it will be available to
everyone across the university.
The report is still a draft and will
call for responses from anyone who
wishes to comment. The deadline
for these comments will be May
15th. The committee will then
review the document and prepare a
final version over the summer. The
necessary approvals will be sought
.. .and on Safrica divestment
This letter is in response to yours
of February 9, 1987. It was useful
for us to meet and talk about our
mutual perceptions of the question
of South African divestments. As
you know, the board has taken a
firm and clear stance on this issue
and is actively following the lead
given in the Hart report. Where
companies have been identified in
the Hart report, we have written for
specific information.
As you will be aware many of the
companies have subsequently
divested their South African assets
so that at the present time there are
only a very limited number of com
panies that may not be in conformance with the Canadian Code of
Conduct. As I indicated to you, we
are reviewing these few remaining
companies to be sure that we have
full information on their situation
and we will not invest in them until
we are satisfied that they are in
compliance with government
policy.
The university has now completely divested of companies operable in
South Africa. The board is already
on record as opposing apartheid, a
position that is firmly held by this
institution. David W. Strangway
UBC president
at the Board of Governors at the
September meeting.
The task force reviewing athletics
has already met every week and is
working hard at its mandate. The
issues are many and complex and
the task force cannot fulfill all of its
obligations by March 31st.
The task force is planning to meet
with the AMS Council before the
end of this session to discuss
various issues and options. Nevertheless, their work is progressing
well and a budget will be taken to
the board, along with the university
budget at the June board meeting.
Their report will also be published
in UBC Reports.
' Fee increases, university subsidy
levels and projected cost recoveries
must all be known before the
budgets can be set. We have not
received all the information needed
to develop the university budget. At
present we anticipate seeking
budget approval in June with all the
information available.
David W. Strangway
president
2. " If a page is allocated to the clubs
and societies, that would be a page I
would definitely read. It would give
the clubs a better opportunity to
advertise their clubs and their functions." Leanne Jacobs S.A.C.
Bookings Commissioner. I do not
think that the clubs and societies are
well served in "between classes."
"The petition is definitely in the
interest of the students. This would
make the paper more representative of the university from the student point of view." Roger London
Sc3.
'"It seems to me that in recent
years the Ubyssey has distanced
itself from the views of the majority
of UBC students. The political and
social bias of the Ubyssey staff
writers is evident with little excep
tion, in almost everything they
write. The best thing about the
Ubyssey is the letters from students.
The Ubyssey would be more effective if, rather than being an outlet
for the frustrated views of the
Ubyssey staff writers, the paper better and more objectively reflected
the interests of the entire student
body." Michael Skene Secretary of
S.A.C, Commerce 1.
The students have spoken.
Hopefully those students running
the papers will listen. After all it
is approximately $100,000.00 of
students' money that provides the
subsidy for running the paper. Oh,
I must be honest, Michael Skene
was interviewed Wednesday, March
25, 1987.
ANTHONY BAKER
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228-4741 Page 10
THE    UBYSSEY
\R IN REVIEW the year in review T
The future didn't look rosy for students
returning to school last September.
The average debt load for students
graduating in 1986 had skyrocketed to $15,000,
a increase of $12,000 since 1984, when the grant
program was axed. Student summer unemployment was high (20 per cent) despite the many $4
an hour Expo jobs, and UBC tuition fees were
among the highest in the country.
Underfunding to the universities
was such a serious problem that
UBC president David Strangway
called for "a real (student) outcry"
on the issue. "This is the time to
make sure the people out there fully
understand the issues we face," he
said.
Universities had difficulties not
only in obtaining funding, but also
in retaining the right to determine
how it was spent.
Money from the Fund for Excellence in Education was allocated
to B.C.'s post-secondary institutions, mostly to specialized programs   designed   to   boost   the
economy. At UBC, the liberal arts
received nothing.
The provincial government appeared to be confusing educational
priorities with political and
economic strategy, jeopardising
academic integrity.
A further indication of merging
of politics and education was
reflected in the continued tradition
of government-appointed college
boards. College boards were made
up largely of locally elected
representatives until they fell out of
favor during the BCGEU general
strike in 1983.
In February, the possibility of
WmS^.
By JENNIFER LYALL
■ffi&Z-'x. «*#'^^^j^b;;. ■
/
political interference in university
funding was further increased when
the minister of Advanced Education and Job Training announced
the elimination of the Universities
Council of B.C., created in 1974 to
act as a buffer between government
and universities.
Minister Stan Hagen said communication between government
and universities would be improved
by the dismantling of the UCBC,
which he said was obsolete and ineffective. But the NDP universities
critic Darlene Mazari, was not happy with the move.
"The elimination of the council
sets the stage for the provincial
government to tinker with educational priorities and to fund projects which excite the private
sector," she said.
Education wasn't a big priority
of the Vander Zalm government in
August.
On Sept. 24, premier Bill Vander
Zalm called a provincial election for
October 22. Education suddenly
became a key election issue.
Opposition parties accused the
Social Credit government of neglec
ting students and the universities:
"The demoralization of education
has been thoroughly intended — it's
not a lack of priority, it's a real attack," said then Point Grey NDP
candidate Darlene Marzari.
But the Socreds defended their
party's record on education. -
"Anyone who criticizes us now
must be hostile," said Social Credit
candidate Kim Campbell.
"Building good educational institutions has been our priority."
Despite a $12,000 increase in the
average student debt, over the last
two years, Campbell said student
debts were no greater in terms of
purchasing power than they were
when she attended university in the
sixties.
During the election, the leaders
of the three major provincial parties
visited UBC, but it was Bill Vander
Zalm who got the biggest reception.
Hundreds of students came to
cheer, to jeer, and to scuffle and
shout obscenities, at each other as
Vander Zalm went on a brief walking tour of SUB and the campus.
Several   educational   organiza-
•*RKI$g?.
tions, including the College Institute Educators' Association and
the SFU student society, launched
campaigns to publicize the shortcomings of the Social Credit
government's education policies.
"The future will be grim unless
people recognize that we need more
than smiles and positive thinking
for education," said CIEA president John Waters.
The campaigns may have been
successful in increasing awareness
of the problems facing education in
B.C., but they did not undermine
the overwhelming support of the
people for the Social Credit government, which was returned to office
in a landslide victory, winning 48 of
69 seats.
The Point Grey riding was the
scene of the election's most exciting
upset victory, as Darlene Marzari
ousted veteran Social Credit incumbent Pat McGeer by forty votes.
Marzari credited the university
community with providing the extra
votes she needed to win. Marzari
joined Point Grey's other new
MLA,   Kim   Campbell,   in   the ', April 2, 1987
THE    UBYSSEY
IE YEAR IN REVIEW the
Page 11
in re
~#
legislature as McGeer returned to
his lab at UBC.
After the election, the minister of
post-secondary .education Russ
Fraser was retired to the back benches of Social Credit as rookie Stan
Hagen was given the portfolio.
The student aid review Hagen
undertook when he assumed office
resulted in promises to increase student aid by $50 million a year over
the next three years, providing a ray
of hope for many impoverished
students.
On March 27 Hagen announced
the government will limit student
debt loads to $12,000 at graduation
and reinstate a partial grant program. The ministry will also improve accessibility to post-
secondary institutions for students
living away from home by providing equalization funds to first
and second year students to assist
with living expenses. They also promised to match private donations to
scholarship and bursary funds.
Although the new student aid
program promises to alleviate the
financial   difficulties   of   future
*i,
-*♦*
^ *1'IM?%*
<••*?* tu T" F_\
graduates, it is not retroactive and
ignores students who have already
accumulated massive debts.
Third year law student John
Humphries has a current debt load
of $27,650 and feels he is being
discriminated against by the new
program. "There's no help in this
for me," he said.
But despite its shortcomings, the
new program represents a definite
overall improvement in the student
aid package and a significant departure from the restraint policy of the
Bill Bennett era.
Back on campus, about 25
students protested the decision of
the board of governors to raise tuition fees by four per cent. UBC
students now pay twice as much tuition than they did six years ago.
A group called The Coalition for
Accessible Education circulated a
petition on campus demanding
greater accessibility to universities.
They collected 3,300 signatures
which they will present to the
minister of advanced education and
job training.
Students for a Free South Africa,
UBC's anti-apartheid group, convinced the AMS to conduct a
referendum to determine whether
or not South African-linked products should be sold on campus.
Although the vote did not reach
quorum (UBC referendums never
do reach quorum), the boycott proposal was defeated, with 1951 votes
opposing the ban and 1366 in support.
Political patronage raised its controversial head at UBC when Norman Spector, a former deputy
minister to Bill Bennett, was offered the position of senior fellow.
Six months later, Jimmy Pattison, the chair of Expo and owner
of Canada's second largest
distributor of pornographic
magazines, was offered an
honorary degree causing professor
Jean Elder to resign in protest from
her position as vice-chair of UBC's
senate.
Both situations were diffused, as
Spector accepted a federal government post and Pattison refused his
degree. But the controversy over the
issue of patronage continues.
No one protested the decision to
award outspoken broadcaster Jack
Webster an 'Ornerary degree, sue
me cam loudly," which he
graciously accepted in an ex-
travagent ceremony at Open House.
UBC took a step forward with
the appointment of our first woman
dean, Nancy Sheehan as dean of
education. But UBC remained one
of only a handful of Canadian
universities without sexual harassment grievance procedures.
In the summer president David
Strangway appointed an ad hoc
committee to make recommendations on how to fill that gap. The
committee, which has no student
representatives, originally planned
to submit a report to Strangway in
December, which we are stilt
waiting for today.
Another committee was struck to
review ti» athletics department and
address the volatile issue of athletic
fee increases.
In September, it was revealed
that the UBC athletics department
was unable to account for the expenditure of $730,000 received in
student athletic fee levies.
"Nobody seems to know where
the money went," said AMS director of administration Martin Cocking. Cocking said he had been
through "torturous meetings" with
the University Athletics Council
and received no answers.
But Bob Hindmarch, UBC direc
tor of Athletics and Sport Services,
said, "there is no way we could
spend money without someone
knowing."
The athletics council has still not
submitted a budget, but they have
requested that the athletic fee levy
be increased by $5.50 to cover unexpectedly high expenditures, a notion that has infuriated many
students.
The ensuing controversy inspired
the appointment of another review
committee, which will work over
the upcoming summer (while most
students are not around to voice
their concerns) developing a report
on all aspects of UBC athletics.
In March 150,000 people flocked
to UBC for jubilant Open House
weekend of "fun, excitement and
serious stuff." They found all those
things as the university community
went all out to show them a good
time.
Was the celebration successful in
its goal of increasing public
awareness and sympathy for the
difficulties facing universities today? We hope so, because post-
secondary education in this province needs all the support it can
get. Page 12
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
From page 8
The crowd (Rod Andrews, Kevin Adams, D. R. Wolmconton, Rory Allen and Roger Kanno) went
home to watch Coronation Street, leaving the musicians alone.
"Even though vou have no talent, yer all right . . . 'ow bout joining our band?" said Ferman.
"Okay, but I guess I should warn you that I only know how to play Broadway show tunes . . ?' said
Groberman.
. . . and so the nucleus of the Bugs was formed, but the band had ongoing problems. Kontic got a
friend of his from art school, Steve Chan to join up, but Steve kept wanting to take pictures, especially
the kind where half the person's face is enveloped in darkness. And their drummer, Peter "I'm best"
Burns, played adequately . . . but insisted on literally using his head. But their legion of devoted fans
(Sailen Black, Jeff Buttle, Angie Norman, Sam Micner, Chad James, Russel Sly, lan Robertson, Chris
Ponting and Neil Phillip) thronged into the Cave to hear them play. Opportunity knocked when the
Bugs were asked to play in a club on the infamous Beeperbahn in the sinful town of Ruskin!
The Bugs turned into a group with some modicum of talent, even though food servers like Wendy
Baker, Laura Busheikin, Pat Beckner, Morgan Burke, Helen Chan, Sharon Mosely, Kelley Smith, Nan
cy Rempel, Nora Reach, Sharon Knapp, Valerie Harris and Francoise Goor of the Top Twelve Club
kept the boys well supplied mit lager. Brad Newcome. their road manager, reminisced for us about that
time . . .
'Yea, the Bugs ran wild. We all did. I remember that we had these street preachers named Dave
(Tom's brother) Wilkinson, Gregg Scott, Paul Penner and David Derosa chasing us all around town
trying to get us to reform. Well with people like Carol Pedlar, Gloria Loree, Scott Beveridge, Craig
Brooks and Kristi Blocker around to lead us astray, it was no use . .   "
Back in Liverpool, inside the famous FLEMS record store, one of the most famous record requests in
history was about to be made . . .
A scruffy Robert Groberman walked into the store saying to manager Stephen Wisenthal "There's a
record that 1 want. It's called "My Bonnie" and it was made by this group called the Beatles in Germany, 'ave you got it?"
Wisenthal sent his clerks Daryl Jackson, Paul Johannson, George "of the Jungle" Anderson and
Martin Cocking to the files to look for it. They couldn't find it. Wisenthal said "Sorry. Why don't you
go down the road to the NEMS record store and ask for Brian Epstein? He'll have it?'
Groberman left, bumping into Don Isaak and Stephen Ingvaldson on the way out. Pat Foster walked
up to the desk, saying "There's a record that I want. It's called 'My Twinkie' and it was made by this
group called the Bugs in Wolverhampton on the Ronco label, 'ave you got it?"
. . . and thus was rock history made. Wisenthal went down to the Cave, where the Bugs were playing, and offered them a contract . . .
"After, say, 20% taxes, I'd like 25% fof managing you, 20% for remaking your image, 20% for producing your concerts and 14 900999990% for my persohal advice, leaving you with billions for
yourselves . . ." said Wisenthal.
The new group, expecting superstardom, was soon crushed as Peter "I'm Best" Burns succumbed
to terminal headaches, and the Bugs no longer had a drummer. Finally Wisenthal got them an audition
with the prestigious Megaphone label, and on the way there, the Bugs picked up their final
member . . .
"Let's see, we've auditioned Shari Bte Abdullah, Susan Bertoia, Sharon Cunningham, Norm Rav- __
vin, Steve NetifeW, Diane Lister, Pradeep Jethi, Michael Glenister, Norman Chew, Janet Patterson,
Anya Waite, Peter Mehling, Gordon McCay, Peter MacDougall, Adam Jones, Louise Panziera, Imtiaz
Popat and Tim McGrady and they would be wonderful for the band, but they can't play the drums,"
mused Wtaanthal. "Karen Gram, Betsy Goldberg, Karen Klein, Maria Keating, Michelle Hartmann,
Trish Oakley, Katharine Monk and Camille Dionne can all play the drums, but are reluctant to join an all
male band . . ."
suddenly from a building, they heard "Under the B, 14," followed by a drum roll. Curious, the
group ventured inside, where they found Evelyn "Bingo" Jacob wielding the sticks. She accepted the
band's offer of eventual superstardom, saying, "Why not? I need a good job,
now . . ."
After the audition, the Board of Directors of the record company pondered whether to sign the new
group. Muriel Draaisma, Spencer Bezak, Sarah Chesterman, Milan Djodjevich, Don Wells, Scott Macdonald, Jenni Mott, Dan Andrews, Andrew Lithgow, Chris Fraser, Valerie Westfall and Debbie Lo all
preferred to sign this new group called the Beatles, but Chairman of the Board Allison Felker put her
foot down.
"The Bugs have absolutely no musical talent, cant play their instruments and are a blot on Western
civilization," she said, "as a self respecting rock label, we have to sign them . . ."
Immediately, The Bugs were rushed into the recording studios under the expert supervision of Neil
Lucente. Kontic announced that he and Ferman had co-written their first single, a ditty called ""**
me do" "You can't swear during a song," Lucente announced huffily, "it offends my gentlemanly sen
sibilities . . ."
.The Bugs then began to put rock classic after rock classic on the charts . .
(Cut to professor James Young of the Oxford Royal Academy of Rock Music and nasal infections.)
"Nyess, well the enduring quality of songs like "Please me," She hates you" and "1 want to
eat your lunch" is their simple mindless cretinism, if I may say so . .   "
Their newfound superstardom earned them a trip to America . . .
"This is Malcolm 'the P' Pearson, broadcasting LIVE outside the Bugs hotel room, clinging to the
ledge and hoping for an exclusive interview . .
"It seems some American chap named Ron Stewart wants us to appear on his show, right after The
Gordon-Geoff-Glen Clark Five. Open a window, if you will, bingo," said Wisenthal.
"Aaah, this is Malcolm the P broadcasting live as he plummets seventy stories to hit the ground.
Somebody catch meeeeeeeel"
That night, Stewart said, "Thank you Topo Gigio. And now, on our really big shew, right after the
Janice Irving dancers, we have the Bugs!" And the Bugs American fan club (Mary McAllister and
Cassandra Freeman) jumped up and down in the audience, screaming    . .
"Uh, how long does this keep going on?"
"Not for too much longer. There's lots of things the Bugs could do. They could go to India, for example, to study under guru Robert Shree Beynon and have him say something like 'Meditate on the
eternal nothingness. Imagine that your money is steadily oozing through the eternal consciousness to
my Swiss bank account . . ."
"Right. And what about the Pre-Fab Four ("Chew 'the Silver Age' Victor Wong, Jennifer Lyall, Corinne Bjorge and Jeffrey Swartz)? Saving the best for last?"
"Not necessarily, l'il roll the credits for you I'm planning to use at the end of the documentary .
THE STORY OF THE BUGS
a RICK HIEBERT production
(Rick Hiebert produced by his mother and father)
"I knew it, I knew it. .
r___^
yi,-^ All
VB^^ items on
^yvN N y,   our menu
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?      Pizza
Spaghetti
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BBQ Chicken
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(Buy one
get one
266-3220   UNBELIEVABLE
TRY US**
266-3221 "
7970 GRANVILLE ST. VANCOUVER
OPEN 7 DAYS FROM 4.00 p.m.
MON.-SAT. to4a.m. Sun.ft Holidays to 2a.m.
tf I were founding a unverstty, I would flrwtou*_ a smoking room, then wr^t had a IMe more r^
decent reading room and a library. After that. If (stilt had mare money that I coutrio't us*. < would hire a professor snd get some textbooks.
— Stephen Leacock
Yesterday I went to Oxford to lecture. A very polite gentle young man got up at MtMantl said: "I should like to ask Mr. Waugh whether it is true, as we
ere always being told, that we are much stupider and less cultured and amusing than undergraduates were in his day" and I had to sey "Wen yes it is" and he
said very sadly "I thought so" and sat down.
— Evelyn Waugh January 27, 1948
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.
. Mat* Twain
RECREATION UBC SUMMER '87 PROGRAMS
< NON-CREDIT COURSES IN LEISURE PURSUITS
The following courses START May 4th FINISH June 25th. Register at the REC UBC office 203
War Memorial Gym. FOR MORE INFORMATION & ENQUIRIES PHONE 228-3996.
213
WUSHU
Wed/Thur
6:30-8:00 p.m.
205
KARATE
Mon/Wed
6:00-7:30 p.m.
202
JUDO
Mon/Wed
7:30-9:00 p.m.
603
YOGA
Mon/Wed
5:00-6:00 p.m.
402
KAYAKING
Mon/Wed/Thur
(June 8, 10,11)
5:00-8:00 p.m.
101
OUTDOOR
AEROBICS
Weekdays
12:00-12:40 p.m
102
INDOOR
Weekdays
1:00-1:40 p.m.
A&B*
A&B*
A*
0*
J*
L*
$40.00
$40.00
$35.00
$25.00
$40.00
$25.00
$25.00
AEROBIC
CIRCUIT
SPECIAL OFFER - SAVE $10.00
FITNESS CLASSES 101 & 102 taken TOGETHER COST $40.00
DROP-IN fee in both classes - $2.00
Place Code *: A Gym E Osborne Centre
I War Memorial Gym
L War Memorial Gym Weight Room
B Gym A Osborne Centre
J War Memorial Gym Room 213
WAR MEMORIAL GYM WEIGHTROOM
OPEN FOR BUSINESS IN THE SUMMER
COST $30.00 FOR 3 month Membership
JUNE, JULY, AUGUST
Operating Hours - Weekdays 12:00 - 8:00 p.m.
Buy your summer weightroom membership at Room 203 Memorial Gym
RECREATION UBC OUTDOOR EQUIPMENT SHOP
Go hiking, kayaking, tenting or mountain biking this summer. Superb
Outdoor Equipment. Best rental rates in town. For further information call 228-3615 or 228-3996. Room 203 or Dispensary, War Memorial Gym.
MONDAY - SATURDAY 7:30 a.m.    3:30 p.m
RENTAL RATES
EQUIPMENT
TENTS
2 person Eureka Pine Bluff
3 Person Eureka Windriver
4 Person Eureka Timberline
WEEKEND
$10.00
12.00
15.00
DAY
$6.00
7.00
10.00
WEEK
$26.00
32.00
40.00
SLEEPING GEAR
Sleeping Bags Coastmountain
Sleeping Pads
9.00
4.00
5.00
2.00
21.00
6.00
PACKS
Internal Frame Coastmountain
Day Pack (30 litre Capacity)
9.00
5.00
5.00
3.00
21.00
12.00
HIKING BOOTS
Men's and Women's Vache
11.00
6.00
25.00
STOVES
Coleman Peak 1
Stack Pots
5.00
5.00
3.00
3.00
10.00
10.00
BICYCLE TOURING
Mountain Bikes Miyata Terra Runner 18 Speed
Standard 3 Et 6 Speed Bicycles
Rear Paniers (large-prs. 20-25 litre capacity)
Rear Paniers (Day Model)
22.00
14.00
9.00
5.00
12.00
8.00
5.00
3.00
60.00
36.00
21.00
11.00
KAYAKS SEATOURING AND WHITE WATER
Kayaks
Paddles
Spray Skirts
Life Jackets
40.00
3.00
3.00
5.00
25.00
2.00
2.00
3.00
80.00
6.00
6.00
12.00
PROTECTIVE CLOTHING
Anoraks
Rainskuits (tops &■ bottoms)
Gaiters (keep snow Et rocks out of boots)
Overmitts (waterproof)
3.00
5.00
2.00
2.00
2.00
3.00
1.00
1.00
6.00
10.00
4.00
4.00
MISCELLANEOUS
Roofracks - Bie
4.00
2.00
10.00 Thursday, April 2, 1987
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 13
A toast
to our athletes
By CHEW WONG
Ten years from now when a few old UBC alumni are
sharing some wine and memories at the faculty club, they'll
reach for a bottle of dust covered '87 sports and crack a
smile. They'll ease the corkscrew in and withdraw a sweet,
moist cork. The 1986/87 year in UBC campus sports will
prove to be of vintage quality.
Thunderbird athletes brought
home two national titles, qualified
for several national tournaments,
won individual national crowns,
and collected All Canadian awards
by thejrj-ttch;
In tie past year UBC's acclaimed
intramurals program also achieved
new successes. The collective sports
teams and organizations
represented UBC in fine fashion
this year — in the community and
across the land.
While students were busy studying and preparing for midterms in
the wet month of November,
Thunderbird athletes were busy
struggling and fighting for national
titles. *
The first of two victory laurels
was bestowed upon the campus'
most unheralded champions: the
UBC men's varsity soccer team. On
Saturday, November IS, the soccer
'birds quietly won their third consecutive Canadian Inter-university
Athletic Union title defeating the
University of Toronto 4-0 in Toronto, ,
Dick Mosher, the rookie head
coach, was selected the Canada
West coach of the year for his efforts. The team also yeilded four
Alt Canadians: Brian Kennedy (also
the UBC mate athlete of the year)
and John Gasparac on the first
team, and Ken Mulleny and Gregor
Young on the second team.
One week later, on Saturday
November 22, the varsity footfall
team recorded UBC's second
Vanier Cup victory. The 'birds
downed the University of Western
Ontario 25-23 — in one of the most
thrilling -Vanier cup games in
history.
With 69 seconds left in the game
and UBC trailing 23-18, back up
quaterback Eric Putoto replaced
Jordan Gagner at the helm. Putoto
marched the team 58 yeards
downfield to Western's four yard
line, then hit receiver Rob Ros for a
touchdown with only four seconds
showing on the clock.
Head coach Frank Smith said the
team had more depth than any
other he has had in his 13 years of
coaching.
The honors and accolades that
accompanied the Vanier Cup were
numerous.
The 1986 football squad placed
four members on the All Canadian
team: Jack Beestra, Leo
Grpenwegen, Mark Norman, and
Mat M_pktrick. Norman was also
honored with the?jM1 Canadian
President's trophy as the outstanding defensive player in Canadian
university football.
Groenwegen was the number one
choice in the CFL draft and was
recently tested by die New England
Patriots and the L.A. Raiders of the
'NFL??'-.
If the soccer and football teams
courted success in the first half of
the year? then the UBC women's
field hockey team courted heartache, "They were billed as the best
team tp never play in the nationals.
They began their season in
September, with more than half the
team composed of rookies, expecting no miracles. But as the season
wore on veterans Jody Baxland and
Melanie slade — both All Canadians — pulled the rookie laden
squad along and the team finished
second in the tough Canad West
conference, ranking third nationa-
ly.
But because of CIAU administrative bumbling the women's
field hockey team did not partake in
the sixteen-team national tournament held in Toronto.
While the field hockey team
wallowed in the mire of injustice,
the UBC Women's soccer team
went almost unnoticed as they captured their fourth consecutive
Canada West title.
earl's
earl's       earl's
GOOD LUCK with EXAMS!
(come and celebrate afterwards)
CALIFORNIA BEACH DAYS
April 23, 24, 25 & 26
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Because their is no national title
for women's soccer, UBC's Canada
West all stars, Wendy Pease, Mitch
Ring, and Christine Pinette, did not
have a chance to compete at a national level.
As the football, soccer and field
hockey teams wound down their
seasons, the men and women of
winter — volleyball, hockey, and
basketball — were just starting.
The trend for indoor sports this
year was new coaches. Women's
volleyball had one in Donna
Baydock; men's ice hockey had one
in Terry O'Malley; and men's
basketball had second year coach
Bruce Enns. Each had a relatively
fruitful year.
Baydock, a former University of
Manitoba coach, was hired in
August and had no opportunity to
recruit. She took a few veterans and
a bunch of walk-ons, and improved
the team's record through the year
to 15 — 25.
The men's ice hockey team
played to a sub. 500 regular season,
but qualified for the Western Conference play-offs when the University of Alberta declined to participate in the league play-offs in
favour of representing Canada at
the World Student Games.
O'Malley rallied a young
Thunderbird team to play a tough
series against the University of
Calgary. The 'birds took Calgary to
a Second overtime period in the second game before they lost.
UBC men's head basketball
coach, Bruce Enns, recorded the
same humbling statistics as did
O'Malley and Baydock in his inaugural season a year ago. But in
this, only his second year at UBC,
Enns took UBC basketball where it
had not ventured for over a decade:
to the national tournament.
Not only did the basketbirds win,
but they won in a dramatic fashion
that brought the fans back to War
Memorial Gym.
Canada West play-off victories
over Saskatchewan and Victoria
vaulted the 'birds into the CIAU
national tournament. They carried
this momentum until they were
stopped by Johnny Carson (no, not
that one) and the Brandon Bobcats
in the final game, 74-66.
The Basketbirds were led by All
Canadian guard Paul Johansson
who shattered Ron Thorsen's single
season scoring record of 650 points
by recording a total of 720 points
over the season.
A winning program has been
already established over the past
See page 14: ANOTHER
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THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
■C
Another kick in sports
From page 13
four years by men's head volleyball
coach Dale Ohman. This year was
no exception as the men's volleyball
team once again qualified for the
national tournament.
Unfortunately the team drew the
number one ranked University of
Manitoba in the first round and
was defeated.
Despite the first round loss,
UBC's Greg Williscroft and Phil
Bolden were selected as All Canadians.
The most recent UBC teams to
gain national recognition were the
women's swimming and diving,
men's rugby, and track and field.
The women's swimming and diving team,  the defending national
champions, lost that title to the
University of Toronto.
The rugby lads defeated UVic 17
- 10 to capture the unofficial national title — both teams had
previously trounced the U.S. collegiate champhion University of
California Berkely.
Track and field was the final national championship of the year,
and UBC was represented well by
high-jumper Jeannie Cockcroft and
60 metre hurdler Joanne Gaspard.
Both won their respective events.
Gaspard won on a personal best
time of 8.69 seconds, and was also
selected as UBC's female athlete of
the year.
While varsity athletics possessed
the   boquet   and   body  of  a   '22
Cabernet Savignon, this year's intramurals program was as sweet as
grapes from Champagne (no, not
Illinois).
Canada's premier intramurals
program improved another degree
this year. Participation in the major
events has been increasing exponentially over the past few years
according to director of intramurals
Nestor Korchinsky.
This year 205 teams ran in the
Arts 20 relay compared to 175 a
year ago. Storm the Wall participation went from 265 teams last year
to an incredible 370 this year. And
the UBC Triathalon mushroomed
from 240 to 320 participants.
It was indeed a vintage year for
UBC sports.
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THE    UBYSSEY
Page 15
Campus protests
By EVELYN JACOB
A campus group protesting the
rising cost of education in B.C. met
with president David Strangway
yesterday to show him they are not
alone in their fight.
Eight members of The Coalition
for Accessible Education gathered
in Strangway's office with a petition containing 3,000 signatures
calling for better access to B.C.'s
post-secondary education system.
The group plans to deliver their
petition to the minister of Advanced Education and Job Training,
Stan Hagen.
Horacio de la cueva, a member of
the group, was pleased with
Strangway's show of support for
the petition.
"He acknowledged the fact that
we found the concern that exists for
education at the universities," said
de la cueva.
Strangway told the group he supports the principles laid out in the
petition — which calls for better access to universities by providing
students with financial assistance
and lower tuition fees — but said he
Refugee student
needs scholarship
By MALCOLM PEARSON
A group of UBC students want
president David Strangway to set up
a scholarship fund to bring South
African refugee students to UBC.
Two members of Students for a
Free Southern Africa — Brian Bain
and Michael Moeti, and Andrew
Olal, a member of the African
Students' Association of UBC, met
with Strangway yesterday to con-
vice him of the need for providing
displaced South African students
with an education.
Strangway said he supports the
idea but would not make a commitment to the program until he
receives more information from the
group on the Canadian Scholarship
Program.
The federal government provides
a scholarship program to allow
South African refugee students to
study in Canadian universities.
"Thousands of South African
students are displaced in (South
Africa's) neighboring countries.
We'd like to see the University take
a leadership role to help these people," said Moeti.
Currently at UBC, only one
South African refugee student is
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studying under the federal program.
The group congratulated
Strangway for showing his willingness to take action on divesting
the university's investments in
South African linked companies.
"While we do think he's
(Strangway) serious about
divesting, we remain cautious about
whether the university is making a
full commitment towards divestment. We won't be happy until they
(the board) fully disclose the names
of the companies and the amounts
of investments," said Moeti.
Strangway said in a letter to The
Ubyssey that the university has now
completely divested of companies
operating in South Africa.
does not plan to take an active role
in relaying the petition's message to
minister Stan Hagen. He said,
however, that Hagen would "appreciate getting it (the petition)."
"It can do no harm — all it can
do is good," he said.
The group began seeking support
for their campaign after Strangway
told a group of students in an open
forum on tuition fees in January,
"If there were 5,000 students here it
would have helped (protest the four
per cent hike to the provincial
government)."
Since then, the group has collected signatures from students and
parents concerned abotit the soaring costs of education in B.C.
Although Strangway told the
group it is important to keep the
idea of education alive within the
community and government, he
said tuition fees are no more of a
barrier to B.C. students than
anywhere else in Canada.
The biggest deterrant, he said, is
people who do not want to further
their education because they don't
see the value in it.
But de la cueva disagreed.
"How can he (Strangway) say
that when there's been an increase
in UBC enrolment?"
The Coalition for Accessible
Education was formed after a
January Board of Governors
meeting which approved a four per
cent hike in tuition fees at UBC.
The group's objective is to obtain
universally accessible education for
students by raising money to assist
with tuition, housing, transportation and food.
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SUB 238
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JIM IS DEAD. He disobeyed no admittance sign and suffered the consequences. Seven campus coolboys stood him against a wall and sprayed
him with a hail of bullets from 9mm Uzi's. forged "graduate cards" can be
obtained from the little guy in a tranchcoat and deerstalker hat standing
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  Expires April 30, 1987 Page 16
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
Campus life big in Ubyssey poll
By JEFFREY SWARTZ
Readers of The Ubyssey want to
read about themselves and their activities on campus, according to
preliminary results of a survey conducted last week.
The results also showed disagreement over whether the paper should
have more or elss coverage of
fraternities and clubs, and whether
the special issues on women, and
gays and lesbians, should be continued.
The preliminary results were
established by compiling data from
about 100 surveys returned by the
end of last week. The survey relied
on reader response, and can not be
considered an accurate sample of
attitudes for the entire student
population. Howevr, readers were
asked to identify themselves by age,
gender, faculty, and club/campus
organization affiliation.
Here are some of the survey's findings:
READERSHIP
Sixty-nine per cent of the
respondents always read The
Ubyssey, though it's clear that even
these readers are selective in their
habits. Only the news and letters
sections are always read by a majority of these surveyed, at 61 °7o and
77% respectively.
About one-third of respondents
always peruse the Sports and Entertainment sections, although women
are less interested in sports (at
16%). Features and Editorials are
always read by over 40% of those
who replied.
NEWS
There was a strongly positive
desire for more news in the paper,
especially concerning student activities on campus (80%). Students
tended to opt for the same or less
coverage of news on other campuses or of a political nature, such
as federal and provincial news
related to students.
The large number of those
surveyed who identified themselves
as members of fraternities (especially Kappa Sigma!) voted unvaryingly
for more coverage of frats, but
those with no affiliations with
fraternities tended to want even less
coverage that at present (32%
overall and 44% for women).
A similar pattern emerged concerning coverage of clubs. The majority of replies registered satisfaction with The Ubyssey's coverage of
speakers and student services, but
there was interest in more focus on
academics (49% overall).
SPORTS
Men tended to register more
positively for sports coverage,
especially when it came to Intramurals and statistics. Overall
47% wanted more features and interviews, while both sexes agreed
that professional sports should not
be included in the paper (48%
wanted less). Coverage of university
athletics was deemed satisfactory by almost half of all replies.
ENTERTAINMENT
Not one reply wanted less
coverage of campus arts and enter
tainment, and 76% called for more.
Apart from this strong opinion,
respondents seemed to be generally
satisfied with the entertainment sec-
■ tion. More women than men felt the
focus should be on the alternate
scene (48% to 21%).
When it came to specific
disciplines of the arts, both sexes
were in favour of strong coverage
of film, live music, and literature,
and strongly opposed any mention
of television. And men tended to be
a bit squeamish about the inclusion
of dance.
SPECIAL ISSUES
The Gays and Lesbians special
issue took quite a thrashing from
male respondents when asked to
state like or dislike (70% negative),
and men were also negative about
the Women's Issue and Peace Issue.
Except for the G and L edition
(60% negative), females supported
special issues. Suggestions for
future issues included EUS Week,
Health and Fitness, and the Environment.
PHOTOGRAPHY
Readers seem to be satisfied with
photography and graphics in The
Ubyssey, especially in the Sports
and Entertainment sections. Forty-
six per cent wanted more news
shots, and 40% felt there could
be even more campus shots. Assessment of the overall appearance was
quite positive.
The Ubyssey would like to thank
all those who took the time to fill
out The Great Ubyssey Survey.
Next year we would like to take a
more accurate look at attitudes
towards the paper, perhaps with the
assistance of the faculty of commerce, and regret that we could not
publish complete tabulations of our
survey before the end of this year.
Congratulations to Greg Scott,
winner of a dinner for two at The
Eatery, and apologies to all those
energetic folks at Kappa Sigma who
were so desperate to get away from
frat food that they filled out the
survey in droves.
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TURN LAST YEAR'S CLOTHES INTO CA$H Thursday, April 2, 1987
Salmon forming: the finol frontier
By JENNIFER LYALL
Malcom Dunphy feeds his fish every morning
at eight.
Dunphy is the production manager — he sees
to "the fish end of things" — for Del Mar Sea
Farms, nestled in the sheltered waters of
Nanoose Bay, Vancouver Island. He is a salmon
farmer, and a leader of B.C.'s latest gold rush
industry, aquaculture.
Del Mar Sea Farms, like 75 other
farms now established on the west
coast, produces the high quality
fresh salmon that is in ever greater
demand in these health-conscious
days. The cultivated fish, raised in
net pens, differ from the wild only
by the slightly more orange hue of
their flesh, says Dunphy: "You'd
have to be a real salmon connoisseur to notice any taste difference betwen wild and farmed
fish."
This harvest season — September
through April — the farm will produce approximately 30 tonnes of
salmon, worth $8 a kilogram. Most
of it will probably end up in expensive American restaurants, which
insist on serving only fresh fish,
even during the commercial
fishery's off-season; some will find
its way to New York, where fresh
B.C. farmed salmon commands up
to $10 U.S. a pound on the retail
market.
Raising salmon in net pens appears to be the ideal industry for
B.C.'s 14,000 miles of sparsely inhabited coastline. The space, the initiative, the market — all the ingredients are there, and many people
are predicting that aquaculture will
provide a much needed boost for
B.C.'s lagging economy by directly
and indirectly creating hundreds of
new jobs.
But not everyone is enthusiastic.
Geoff Meggs is the editor of the
United Fishermen and Allied
Workers Union newspaper, The
Fisherman, and he thinks salmon
farmers are rushing too fast into a
field that is unresearched,
unregulated and as yet unmanageable.
According to Meggs, salmon farming is rushing ahead with a
recklessness that could result in environmental and economic disaster,
possibly destroying the wild fish
stocks and the commercial fishing
industry.
The aquaculture industry lacks
the information necessary to control disease, to protect the environment, and to protect the effect farming will have on the market for
salmon, says Meggs. He wants to
see fish farming put on ice until
more research has been done.
Meggs' biggest fear is that farmed
fish, because they are penned in and
therefore highly susceptible to infection, will spread diseases to the
wild stocks.
"If there is a problem and there is
a disease outbreak in the wild stocks
it could wipe out runs ... a major
outbreak could cripple our (commercial fishing) industry. Why gamble with that?"
Beryl March, a UBC animal
sciences professor who is studying
fish nutrition, agreed that the fear
of disease breaking out in farmed
fish is a "valid concern."
"As soon as you bring animals
into close contact with each other
you increase the possibility of
disease," she said. "There's a
desperate need to generate a lot of
information very quickly."
But March is optimistic and expects scientists "should make very
rapid progress" generating the information necessary to develop vaccines and control disease, based on
their experience combatting disease
in other farm animals.
B.C. Salmon Farmers'
Association spokesperson Garth
Hopkins said disease is a problem
facing farmers, not fishermen, and
Meggs' fear that infection can
spread to the wild stocks is
groundless. The possibility of
disease transfer exists only ' 'in your
broadest imagination," he said,
"it's just not a factor."
But even if disease can be controlled, what is going to happen to
all those fish? Is there really a
market for it all? Or will salmon
farmers be creating competition for
the established commercial fishing
industry?
Here again Meggs is predicting
doom.
"There's going to be a colossal
glut (of salmon on the market)," he
said. "What we're really doing is
building a competitor for an industry we already have."
Farmed fish imported from Norway have caused declines in B.C.
salmon prices and B.C.'s
aquaculture will create similar price
wars, according to a UFAWU brief:
"There can be no question that
prices for the two varieties of
salmon will meet head on at some
time in the not too distant future."
But Hopkins disagrees. He said
that North America salmon consumption is increasing, and he
predicts "a very strong basic demand price" for years to come. He
sees a large market opening up in
the United States, where B.C.
farmers and fishermen must
cooperate or be squeezed out by
farmed salmon imported from Nor
way and Scotland.
"The price war is international.
That's the real competition to any
salmon producer, wild or farmed,"
he said. "There's no point in our
trying to flog farmed salmon over
wild salmon."
Hopkins pointed out that pen-
raised salmon are harvested and
sold only during the commercial
fishing off-season, and, while wild
salmon are usually frozen, farmed
fish are marketed fresh. As a result
the two industries are targeting different market sectors and can
develop a coordinated comprehensive marketing strategy for B.C.
salmon.
Hopkins said that Meggs "should
be looking at the positive effects
(such as) the enhanced marketing of
all salmon on a year round basis
which increases public demand and
keeps the prices up."
He went on to argue that commercial fishermen will in fact
benefit from the development of
B.C.'s aquaculture industry.
"Waste fish" can be processed into
feed for cultivated salmon.
Fishermen can find work harvesting
fanned salmon during the commercial fishery off-season. And
cultivated salmon will keep existing
processing plants busy during traditionally idle winters.
"For every new job created by
direct employment in salmon farming there appears to be two
generated indirectly" in related service industries, including fish processing and net manufacturing, said
Hopkins. He estimated that by 1990
aquaculture will have generated
2,000 new jobs in the province.
Hopkins is one of those who expects the new industry to boost the
economy: "We think that by 1987
we will be generating exports of
$250 million."
Meggs remains unconvinced, and
thinks the salmon farmers are being
dangerously optimistic: "They're
offering us a silicon coastline where
we produce Big Mac salmon at nonunion wages."
He wants to see a moratorium on
aquaculture development and a
"comprehensive review" of all the
related issues, including disease
transference, marketability and environmental as well as economic impacts.
He is not satisfied with
December's provincial government
report (the Gillespie report), on fin-
fish aquaculture in B.C., which he
says does not investigate the issues
in enough depth.
The gold rush mentality surrounding aquaculture has resulted in
unrealistic expectations and a
general lack of prudence in planning for the future, said Meggs. "All
we have is a strong government
commitment to push ahead with
farming regardless."
"We've had to scream and yell
and shout to get any attention from
the government for what are very
legitimate concerns."
But Hopkins, while he agreed
that the industry was launched with
excessive enthusiasm, said the present controversy is "based on
misinformation and a lack of information."
"Fish farming is about where cattle ranching was a hundred years
ago," said Hopkins. "There's a lot
to learn . . . but of the problems we
are aware of, they are all
manageable."
Hair Styling
4384 W. 10th Ave.
"Designs by Debbie"
Shampoo, cut & finish
$14.00-$16.00
For Men & Ladies
224-6434
03
>
CD
CO
o
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
RE-SHOOTING  gflfe
All of Composite Photographs
for 1987 Graduate Students
Here on Campus
Starting TODAY at
HENRY ANGUS BLDG. - room #109
please phone studio for a block time slots.
736-7281 or 731-1412
2111 West 16th Ave.,
STUDIO Vancouver, B.C. Page 18
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
dosses
TODAY
UBC CYCLING CLUB
Final   meeting,   elections   and   summer   plans,
noon, Hennings 301.
UBC ARCHERY CLUB
Last practice night for the '87 school year. Will
have a brief meeting concerning details for the
summer shooting times, places, 6:30 p.m., SUB
Ballroom.
NEWMAN CLUB
End of the year luncheon, noon, St. Mark's College, music room.
STAMP CLUB
Steve's final clearance sale, noon, International
House, Boardroom 400.
UNIVERSITY CHRISTIAN MINISTRIES
Michael Green will speak on "Expanding Your
Vision," noon. Wood 4
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL OF UBC
Genera!   meeting   and   elections,   this   is   your
chance to become part of the A.I. executive,
everyone welcome, noon, SUB 211.
STUDENTS FOR CHOICE
Table (tickets to Morganthaler at John Oliver
High School), 12:00-2:00 p.m., SU8 concourse.
INTER-COLLEGIATE TAIWAN
CANADIAN SOCIETY
Protest   against   scheduled   seminar,   "Recent
Social and Economic Development in Taiwan,"
by Ko-wang Mei, please come,  12:00 p.m., in
front of the Asian Centre.
AMS INTEGRITY IN ACTION CLUB
Guest speaker,  George Emery, "Transcendent
Consciousness and the Toilet Paper Roll," noon.
FRIDAY
INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS STUDENTS'
ASSOCIATION
Bzzr garden featuring Wah Wah Ooze, no cover
charge, 4:30-9:30 p.m., International House.
COALITION FOR ACCESSIBLE EDUCATION
Party! Dance and forget exams and debt loads,
8:00 p.m. 1:00 a.m., Graduate Student Centre
Lounge.
UBC PERSONAL COMPUTER CLUB
Byelections for social coordinator and external
affairs, noon-2:30 p.m., SUB 241H.
MUSLIM STUDENTS' ASSOCIATION
Friday prayers "Jumha," noon-1:30 p.m., International House lower lounge.
SCIENCE UNDERGRADUATE SOCIETY
Bar garden, 4:00 p.m., SUB partyroom.
SUNDAY
LUTHERAN STUDENT MOVEMENT
Lenten study series, 7:30 p.m., Lutheran Campus  Centre.   Also,   communion  service,   10:00
a.m., Lutheran Campus Centre.
UBC LIBRARY
UBC library has extended hours for exams:
Main, Law and Woodward libraries will be open
until 11:00 p.m., Sunday through Thursday
evenings (April 5-29). Phone 228-2077 for library
hours or check the signs at your favorite library.
FREELANCE EDITORS ASSOCIATION
OF CANADA
Role of the publisher seminar, $20 fee. $25 non-
members, 7:00-10:00 p.m., Legal Education
Society, 1148 Hornby St.
hot flash
There's no life like it, oh there's
no life like it, hum, hum, hum. Stop
writing letters complaining about
The Ubyssey. Complain to our
faces instead. The AMS and The
Ubyssey have taken the unprecedented move of "joining
forces" to take a close look at
issues vast and varied. The first
step is always the hardest, a
journey of one thouscnd miles
begins with a single step. Do it. Do
it now. Do it often. Join the Ad Hoc
Committee. You too can foam
about "Campus Content", give
birth to a publishing board, chatter
about business and advertising,
and ban sex forever from The
Ubyssey office. Experience the
Highs. Experience the Lows. Join
the AMS Ad Hoc Committee today.
Stop writing letters complaining
about The Ubyssey . . . Come and
complain to our faces in a small
room. Join the AMS/Ubyssey ad
hoc committee advertised in this
very issue. Do it — do it now.
FREE
"i. jj
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j
Drop into
the
Cove
for Lunch
or Dinner!
JERRY'S COVE
Neighborhood
Pub
Order any two of our delicious Burgers and receive the least
expensive one for absolutely FREE when you present this
coupon.
OFFER VALID 11:30am-1:30pm Mon.-Sat.    Expires April 30/87
4:00pm-9:00pm Mon.-Sat.
3681 West 4th Avenue 734-1205
Best Color Video
GRADUATION
VIDEO CASSETTES!
The entire Graduation Ceremony will be!
videotaped! Video Cassettes are available at a
price of $40.00 per cassette. Place advance orders
phone or by mailing in this order form with your cheque or
money order. Orders will be taken at the site before and after
the Ceremony, and sample video footage will be screened.
Look for our display at the reception. All videos are backed by
a complete money back guarantee. Order your Video
Cassette from Best Color Video today!
1432 Denman St. Victoria, B.C.
V8R 1X6 (604) 595-7827
VIDEO CASSETTE ORDER FORM
VIDEO CASSETTE COST: $40.00 CDN
 Phone:
Address:.
Event Info: Date —
Number of Cassettes
Amount Enclosed $ __
Time
-VHSQ BetaQ
604-595-7827
. Todays Date
THE CLASSIFIEDS
|RATES: AMS Card Holders-3 lines, 1 day $2.75; additional"
lines, 60c. Commercial — 3 lines, 1 day $4.75, additional lines,  .70c. Additional days, $4.25. and  ,65c.
| Classified ads are payable in advance. Deadline is 10:30 a.m. the day \
before publication.
Publications Room 266, S.U.B., UBC, Van., B.C. V6T2A5
Charge Phone Orders over $10.00. Cali 228-3977.
75 - WANTED
SIKH STUDENTS ASSOC, wii! be accept
ing essays deai'ny with Sikh culture,
religion & politics to be added to a book being published in 1988. The deadline for submissions is Sept 30, '87. For more info, call
224-4461 or write !o Sub Box 202, UBC,
campus mail.
FATHERS OF 3 8 yr. oiu children needed to
evaluate a parent 'raining program. $5 paid
for approx. 50 mi, cail 321-4346 for more
info.
COMING EVENTS
SUMMER EMPLOYMENT
(Possibly lead to part-time work in Fall)
Looking for people with sales experience
& those who would like to gain sales training.
Come to an info meeting
Thurs., April 2 — 1:00 p.m.
BUCH B212
8769473 BUYWISE
11
FOR SALE - Private
81 DATSUN 310, H.B.. 4 sp.,
FWD, regularly maint. AM/FM cassette, 2
new all-season radials, rear brakes, muffler.
2 snows on rims. $2950. 228-3977 days.
931-7746 eves, wknds. Great Car!
TAKECARE
Quality condoms. Shop in the privacy &■
convenience of your home. Discretion
guaranteed. Prices/box of 12(7% p.s. tax
incl.): Sheik non-lub. $6.50, Sheik lub.
$6.50, Ramses Sensitol $7.50, Ramses
regular $7.50, Ramses Fiesta $8.00; Add
$1.50 shipping each box. Cheque or money
order payable to: TakeCare Personal Products, Dept. U.B. P.O. Box 7520, Victoria,
B.C. V9B 5B8.
BACKYARD GARAGE SALE. Everything
imaginable. Rain or shine. April 4, 5, 10-4.
2425 West 7th Avenue.
KAYPRO 4 COMPUTER 64K built-in modem
2-390K drives software included. $1100.
Phone Rob 222-2423.
1983 FORD ESCORT excellent condition,
4 spd, baby blue, 89,000 km. 1st $4000
takes. 687-2069 Karen.
14'COLOUR TELEVISION. Was $400, sel
ling for $150. 224-9535 Kyoko 1935 Lower
Mall Van. (Place Vanier residence Tweed
#322)
DONT MISS KZ 1000st 1979. Excellent
condition $1500 & equip, obo. Ask
Malcome 261-0685.
20 - HOUSING
30 - JOBS
30 - JOBS
SUMMER ACCOMMODATION - Beta
House, 2140 Wesbrook Mall. Close to
classes, full kitchen, inexpensive. Apply
Nowl! Phone 222-3186.
$156/mth. Beautiful, Shaughnessy home
with 3 furn. br, 2 full bathr, microwave,
laun. facil., Ige yard, near 41st & Granville.
We need a female UBC student to share
main floor with same in mixed house.
266-2636 eves, wknds or leave message for
Lisa or Tom.
SUBLET: April 17-Sept. 1. Furn., 1 br. top
fl. of hse. Pvte. ent., pkg., carpeted, comfortable, clean & bright. $230/mo. & util.
Clark & E. 12th Ave. Bryan, 876-3055.
ROOMS AVAILABLE from May to August
i n
shared house, only 5 minute walk from
SUB. Single rooms from $220 per month,
incl. furnishings, color TV and utilities.
Phone Colin at 224-9119 after 6 p.m. or
leave message.
STUDENT WANTED: large room in home
of elderly lady, nice area, 10 min. to UBC,
incl. dinner & breakfast, N/S 266-6327.
SUMMER ONLY. Friendly quiet, shared
house. Completely furn., 2 bathrm, big living rm. 266-0928.
MARINE BIOLOGIST Lab. Tech: Job
continuous to B.Sc. degree, $10/h, wknds
& holidays, Sept.-April. Full time summer.
1st or 2nd yr. Biology/Oceanography
students call 685-3364. Dr. Marliave.
WE ARE LOOKING for enthusiastic
people (female preferred) for full-time summer employment at University Golf Club.
Successful applicants will enjoy working
with the public in roles traditionally held by
males. Golf background helps but not mandatory;. Send brief outline of qualifications
to: Jim McLaughlin, Golf Professional,
P.O. Box 46138, Station G, Vancouver,
B.C. V6R 4G5.
SUMMER JOBS
FOREMAN & PAINTERS
EARN $3000 to $0000 this sum mar
(Vane. 6> Okanagan areas)
Painting exp. preferred but not necessary
Apply at CEC - Brock Hall
or ph. 732-7273
TRIPLE A STUDENT PAINTERS
WANTED: ONE UBC STUDENT to work as
a part-time driver (1 or 2 shifts/wk.) for the
AMS Storeroom. Applicants must have'
their own truck. Applications will be taken
at the AMS Storeroom Mon.-Fri., 3-4 p.m.
Lower Level, 6138 SUB Blvd., UBC.
OFFERED FOR FREE
Canadian Summer Resort
Employment Opportunity Information.
Across 10 provinces of Canada.
Apply: Canadian Resort
Employment Info Centre
Box 940, Main Post Office
Vernon, B.C., V1T 6M8
SUMMER WORK
Earn $6000 in a major marketing
management program uniquely
designed for students. Call
Alison at 681-9276 for interview
information.
40 - MESSAGES
FOGG ON FOURTH, Sat. 4 p.m.. Party of 3,
2 guys, one obnoxious girl. Can't apologize
for her, no excuse for her. Thanks, and see
you Saturday.
70 - SERVICES
AMS CUSTOMER OPERATED
WORD PROCESSING CENTRE
Lower Level SU B R m 55 228-5496
50% OFF FIRST MONTH
Economical heated units. Monitored burglar
alarm & sprinklers. 325-5400.
KEEP SAFE MINI STORAGE
1680 B Southeast Marine Drive
UNIVERSITY HILL UNITED
AND PRESBYTERIAN
CONGREGATIONS
invite you to join us in worship
Sunday mornings at 10:20 a.m.
in the Epiphany Chapel,
Vancouver School of Theology
Young Adult Groups Sunday
or Monday evenings.
PHONE 224-6377
6050 Chancellor Boulevard
DATA-CORE
Resource Group Inc.
Resumes & Wordprocessing
Professionally written
Computerized Service
Reasonable rates
"Resumes that put
you to work"
#250 - 10711 Cambie Rd.
Richmond, B.C.
276-8447
ROBERT ALLIN
COMMUNICATIONS
• Resume specialists
• Editing & writing
• Word processing
738-0456
FAST  FOOD  OUTLET  in   Granville  Island    yg _ WANTED
Market. Leave resume at The Market Grill.     	
JAPANESE SPEAKING
TOUR GUIDES
We are looking for people who can work
as tour guides in Greater Vancouver and
Victoria from early May to end of August.
Applicants   must   be   fluently   bilingual
(Japanese-English) and be able to work in
Vancouver & take short trips to Victoria.
Experience is a plus, but we will train promising applicants. Send resume to:
TOURLAND TRAVEL LTD.
200   900 W. Georgia St.
Vancouver, B.C.
V6C2W6
Resumes should be written in native language of
applicant but follow traditional Canadian resume
format.  ^^^
FIND A TUTOR
BE A TUTOR
Register at
SPEAKEASY
Mon.-Fri.
9:30 a.m.-9:30 p.m.
SUB Main Concourse
Phone 228-3777
BABYSITTER APR. 26-MAY 17 at Vernon
includes transport, to/from, accomodation,
board, salary. 228-4315, 325-1044.
80 - TUTORING
WANTED: Spring session psyc 316 tutor in
stats, approx 2-3 hrs'wk, rate negotiable,
phone 734-0600
85 - TYPING
MINIMUM NOTICE REQUIRED Essays,
term papers, resumes, editing. UBC location. 224-2662 or 732-0529.
PROFESSIONAL TYPIST. 30 yrs. exp.
Wordprocessor & IBM typewriter. Student
rates. Dorothy Martinson, 228-8346.
UNIVERSITY TYPING - word processing.
Papers, theses, resumes, letters, P-U & del.
9 am - 10 pm, 7 days/wk. 734-TYPE.
STUDENT/FACULTY RATES: $1.50/pg.
dble spaced text. Equations & tables:
$14/hr. Resumes: $5/pg. 50 personalized
form letters only $35. Cerlox Binding &
photocopying. Fast professional Service.
Jeeva's Word Processing. 201-636 West
Broadway. 876-5333. M/C & Visa accepted.
ADINA WORD PROCESSING for resumes,
essays, theses. Discount for students, 10th
& Discovery. Phone 222-2122.
WORD   PROCESSING   SPECIALIST.    U
write, we type, theses, resumes, letters,
essays. Days, eves., wknds. 736-1208.
JUDITH FILTNESS
Quality Typist
263-0351
AMS CUSTOMIZED
WORD PROCESSING SERVICE
Lower Level SUB Rm. 60 228-5640
WORDWEAVERS - Word processing
(multi-lingual). Stud, rates. Fast turnaround. 5670 Yew St. at 41st, Kerrisdale.
266-6814.
ACADEMIC AND BUSINESS WORD
PROCESSING/TYPING. Quality work,
very reasonable rates. Days/eves.
263-4862.
ARE YOU LOSING MARKS BECAUSE
OF YOUR WRITING STYLE? Call a pro
fessional writer with M.A. for quality word
processing, editing & writing services.
Resumes, theses, essays, letters, etc. Hand
in work you can be proud of! 324-9924.
WORD PROCESSING! Xerox 860 system.
Student rates. Editing avail. Erika Taylor,
B.A. 734-1105 lo); 327-0026 (hi.
TYPING Quick Right By UBC $1.25/page
Rob 228-8989
K.E.R. WORDPROCESSING. 1633 E. 12th
Ave. Using IBM-XT with Word Perfect. Call
Kerry Rigby 15 876-2895.
WORD PROCESSING, fast, expert, quality
service. If you want the best call: 266-2536.
ON-LINE TYPING SERVICE. Fast, accurate
typing on IBM Word Processor
@$1.25/dble-sp. pg. Richmond &
downtown p/u & drop-off. Call Glenna
277-0410.
TYPING/FAST/ACCURATE. Knight/
Kingsway. Patti 876-2488.
25 YEARS EXPERIENCE
Professional elec, typing, fast accurate,
reas. call Jan 271-6756 Richmond.
TYPING? YOU BET! Theses, papers,
essays, whatever. Experienced, reasonable.
Short notice. Kits area. June 738-1378.
TYPING. Quality work at reasonable rates.
Fraser-Kingsway area. Paula, 873-2227, 24'
hours.
W/P & TYPING: Term papers, theses, reports, tech., equational, letters, resumes,
mscpts., bilingual. Clemy, 266-6641.
PROFESSIONAL
HOME TYPING
Essays-Theses-Resumes
REASONABLE RATES
KITS AREA
734-0579
99 - MISCELLANEOUS
PARKING. SUMMER PARKING
AVAILABLE. At the Beta House, 2140
Wesbrook Mall, across from hospital
$10/mo. 222-3186. Thursday, April 2, 1987
THE    UBYSSEY
Page 19
Diseased minds plug literacy outlets
By MICHAEL GROBERMAN
The bizarre meanderings of the
tormented student imagination
have literary outlets far beyond the
limitations of The Ubyssey's letters
section.
One option for those who stay up
late writing sonnets is the Arts
Review, the annual publication of
the Arts undergraduate society. It'll
be published in September, a four
month postponement of its usual
April release. Editor Carolyn Egan
explains that in April "everyone's
in exams and they have enough
reading to do."
She says the magazine has so far
received over 500 submissions, and
will valiantly attempt to print
everyone. "Some people have put
in more than one submission," she
explains.
The magazine, which will boast a
glossy cover this year, will be free,
and available in Arts buildings and
in SUB. Submissions are still being
taken from arts undergrads and
from exceedingly talented people
from other faculties.
The English department offers its
own outlet for the diseased minds
of the Nabakovs of tomorrow.
ARC Magazine will arrive next
Wednesday, April 8.
This year's 60 page collection of
poetry, short stories, and essays is
"very good" according to editors
Sally Ito and Steven Chess.
The 60 submissions received this
year are mainly "from people who
have been published elsewhere,"
says Ito. They chose 15.
In past years ARC has been
published twice, but this year the
editors have decided to put all their
editorial genius into one bold year
end statement. Chess also believes
. that the drop in the frequency of
publications will mean "people
won't pass it off as a newsletter."
This year's publication, which
also boasts a glossy cover, will be
available at the UBC Bookstore and
in the English and Creative Writing
By RICK HIEBERT
A new book about jurist, politician and political activist Thomas
Berger elaborates nicely on the life
and work of Berger, but treats him
as more of an Olympian superman
to whom we should all bow down
rather than as a man whose work
we should admire.
Carolyn Swayze's Hard Choices:
A Life of Thomas Berger, is a well
written and sympathetic biography
of one of B.C.'s most famous people, but it would be much better if
Swayze didn't put Berger on a
pedestal.
print
Hard Choices:
A Life of Tom Berger
by Carolyn Swayze
Douglas & Mclntyre
1987
Certainly, a biographer of Berger
should find some things to admire
in the life and work of this social activist, but Swayze loses perspective,
threatening at times to lapse into
the same type of nauseatingly fawning prose that a magazine like Teen
Beat would use to talk about the
latest teen idol.
Berger has been a lawyer, politician, writer, judge, teacher, head of
Royal Commissions, native rights
activist — leading a full and varied
life. He broke into law in the early
sixties, getting involved in the issues
of labour law, fighting for the
poltical power of unions through
the courts, and developing a strong
and hearfelt interest in defending
the rights and privileges of native
people.
Berger's social conscience impelled him to join the NDP and he
became an MP in 1962 for one
term, an MLA beginning in 1966,
and the leader of the provincial party starting in 1969. However, after
the NDP was bushwhacked in the
1969 provincial election, Berger
resigned from politics and returned
to law.
He made history in 1971 by
becoming   the   youngest   B.C.
Supreme Court Judge, at 38, in provincial history.
Berger's most famous activity
was his heading of the Royal Commission on the Mackenzie Valley
pipeline in the late 70's. When
Swayze describes this, albeit adoringly, we see that Berger is a man
committed to native rights not as an
ideal, but as a practical thing. His
determination that the natives not
"lose" as a result of the pipeline inquiry and his empathy for the
natives and their concerns breaks
through the glass case that Swayze
tries to confine him in and the
reader tends to feel that this is a real
man who has real feelings for real
people, not a paternalistic champion, feigning to help the natives.
We understand Berger a little better.
Berger's concern for native people led him to speak out when
native land rights were temporarily
dropped from the Constitution in
1981. The resulting fuss caused him
to resign his position on the bench,
and after heading a commission investigating conditions among
Alaska's natives, returned to practicing law, which he does today.
The main problem with Swayze's
biography of Berger is not that it is
positive and complimentary
towards Berger, but that the reader
would get the impression that
everybody who has ever met Berger
likes everything about him and that
he has never said, done or advocated anything wrong in his entire life. The portion on Berger's involvement with the Mackenzie
River pipeline inquiry is the best in
the book because Swayze juxtaposes Berger and his ideals iwth
his opponents, like Jean Chretien
and Pierre Trudeau.
When Swayze first talked to
Berger about a biography, Berger
asked whether she though he was
about to die. When she replied
negatively, he replied that perhaps
it was not the time for a biography,
then.
This is a handicap of the book.
Perhaps ten or twenty additional
years would have allowed, Swayze,
her interviewees and her readers, to
put Berger in better perspective.
departments' offices. Copies will be
sold in SUB April 13 and 15. It
costs two dollars.
The Creative Writing department, home of the terminally artistic, has its own in-house publication for the fine literature it encourages and hones. The most recent issue of Potlatch, with 57
magic pages, was released last week
and is available in the UBC
Bookstore and at the Creative
Writing department's office. It's
two dollars.
For those who write, or choose to
read, of tentacled monsters from
other planets, the Science Fiction
Society's Horizons is still accepting
contributions for the issue it hopes
to publish next fall. Newly elected
editor Michael Gazetas says the
society is "willing to pay for good
quality submissions."
In addition to accepting stories,
the next issue is also featuring The
Dark and Stormy Robot Contest
for which entrants are asked to submit "the worst original science fiction paragraph" they can dream
up.
When published, Horizons will
be available for a dollar fifty at
UBC Bookstore, and in the
society's SUB office.
An average book,
an unaverage man
BERGER
. . deserves a better bTUgpphy
Strong and fluid dancing highlights Romeo and Juliet
By ROSS McLAREN
Svea Eklof and David Peregrine
danced exceptionally well in Royal
Winnipeg Ballet's Romeo and
Juliet.
donee
The Royal Winnipeg Ballet
Queen Elizabeth Theatre
March 19, 20, 21
While the night was a total success it was Eklof's and Peregrine's
pas de deux at Act I's end that lifted
the ballet into the art's realm.
David Peregrine was the perfect
danseur noble. He lifted Eklof with
apparent ease, carried her across
the stage, and placed her on the
ground with strong and fluid motions.
Peregrine's facial action was also
excellent. Throughout he looked
like the happy lover; always he
complemented Eklof's Juliet.
And what a Juliet that was. Svea
Eklof moved oh so gracefully
across the stage. Her pirouettes
were never clumsy and her arabesques showed a good line.
Eklof's facial features remained
those of a young woman in love.
This was especially impressive during the adagio portions of Romeo
and Juliet's pas de deux in the
garden of the Capulet palace.
Strong performances were also
danced by John Kaminiski as
Tybalt and Andre Lewis as Mer
cutio. Tybalt's and Mercutio's
sword fight scenes were
choreographed well and executed in
an exciting manner.
The other dancers performed well
after they had overcome their first
scene butterflies.
Another highpoint of the evening, equalling Eklof's performance,
was the music of the Vancouver
Symphony Orchestra.
The strings were hauntingly
beautiful as they played the music
for Romeo and Juliet's love scenes.
The horns were comically funny
as they underscored the street
scenes.
The production's only problem,
it seemed, was that choreographer
Rudi van Dantzig limited Eklof and
Peregrine to one, long pas de deux.
Besides Act 1 they danced together
for a short time in Act III. That was
a real tragedy.
However, with the dancing that
did take place, and the performance
of the V.S.O., the night was a sue- Page 20
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 2, 1987
Carling still tied to SA
VANCOUVER (CUP) — Carling
O'Keefe is still not tree of South
African connections according to a
report by the Anti-Apartheid Network in Vancouver.
Student organizations across
Canada jumped to the conclusion
Carling was free of South African
links when the South African owned Rothmans Inc. sold it's 50.1 per
cent interest in Carling to Elders
IXL of Australia.
But according to the report,
Elders is not free of South African
connections either.
The report states "Elders owns
subsidiaries and exports to South
Africa."
Elders owns brewries and also exports fruits and canned goods to
South Africa.
Student and community groups
protested the sale of Carling beer on
campus because of Rothmans links
to South Africa.
Carling spokesperson Larry Rin-
toul said he does not think protests
ARCS
PANGO PANGO (UNS) —
Hairy Puce Blorgs on this tiny
island kingdom cried with glee
about Absolutely Muddled Society
finance guru Damn I'msick's sex
life. "Enquiring people like me
want to know," said Genital Bile,
an inquiring reptile. Pecker Never-
mounted expressed suspiciously enthusiastic curiosity but Grody
Woodhead said he didn't really
care. Other Mauve Blorgs with pink
polka-dots screamed for champagne breakfasts. Sweaty Canuck
could hardly wait to hear about
I'msick's life after bed. "Maybe all
those cold showers will have been
worth it," he said. Maniacal Dober-
man had no comment. Dead on Arrival blorg Slim Turd didn't really
know much about that but he
didn't think it was an internal matter. Aquamarine Blorgs with pale
green stripes were surprised to hear
Rant-to-my paper had decided to
become a large member of the fish
wrap enquiry board. Thousands of
Turquoise corrugated Blorgs sailed
in to club Paper to death. No protestors objected. Former AMS hack
Careless meddler revelled in the attention of Darth Lick'd-her, at the
farewell to Crisp Dong gala celebration. Genital Moss and Damned
Android enjoyed the scenery on
Mars.
! THE DINER
I   Serving U.B.C. and West Point Grey for
the last 28 years
| We put our Sole into your
I        FISH & CHIPS
|    English Style Home Cooked Meals
Iat Reasonable Price — including
Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding
' Open Monday to Saturday
I 8:00 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. I
I and Sundays ■
I 1:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. I
! 4556 W. 10th Ave. - 224 1912 I
I We accept Chargex |
about the company's ties to South
Africa were a significant factor in
the decision to sell to Elders of
Australia.
"It was an economic factor based
on interests," said Rintoul.
Mary McAlister, a member of
Students for a Free Southern
Africa, said, "through Elders, the
link to South Africa is even stronger
than the previous link."
\Q
INSTANT
FURNISHINGS
731-4173
1817 West 5th Avenue
at Burrard
DANISH DESIGNS
white book shelves
with cabinets.
Very Affordable
1,000,000 combinations
example WITH THIS AD
$129
OPEN FOR RETAIL j
Fri: 11:00-8:30 I
Sat: 10:00-6:30 I
Mon: 11:00-5:30 J
In January, UBC students
defeated a referendum proposing a
boycott of all South African tied
companies in SUB which would
have included Carling O'Keefe products.
Student council has since voted
to remove Carling from signs it
erected a year earlier advising
students of its South African connections.
A man who has never gone to schoot may steal from a freight car: but if he has a university
education, he may steal the whole railroad,
— Theodore Roosevelt
CAREER
BEGINNINGS
An intense course of career planning for recent
(and near) graduates. Combines support and skills
for confidence-building, decision-making and job
hunting.
A series of 6 workshops
Tuesdays & Thursdays - May 5,7,12,14,19,21,1987
9:30- 11:30 a.m.
Women Students' Lounge, Brock 223
COST: FREE — but please register as space is
limited to 20 participants
Enquiries and sign up: Brock 203, 228-2415
HOORAY!
American Express makes it especially easy
for Graduating Students to qualify for the Card!
Now, before you leave school, American Express
lets you qualify for Cardmembership under
special criteria.
American Express believes you, as a graduating
student, have a future to be proud of. We'd like
to be part of it.
So, if you are graduating this year and have
accepted career-oriented employment at a minimum annual salary of $10,000, we have created
special acceptance standards for you.
Perhaps you've thought of the American Express®
Card as the one you'd like to carry some day.
But the truth is that NOW may be the most important time for you to have its benefits.
Why you need the Card now
The Card can help you take control of your
finances as you move into your new life. In most
cases it provides you, not just
with a listing of expenditures,
but with actual duplicate copies.
Record-keeping becomes easy.
And, since it is not a "credit" card,
you aren't encouraged to get in over
your head. You pay your bill in full each
month.
Apply right away - before you leave school -
and take advantage of our special Graduating
Student Criteria.
Look for the special "Take One" stands on
bulletin boards...and take one. Or call this toll
free number:
1-800-387-9666
^Copyright American Express Canada, Inc 1987 Ail rights reserved American Express Company is the owner of the trade mark(s) being used by American Express Canada, Inc. as a registered user F.
COMPLETELY STRAIGHT  3  APRIL 2-9, 1987
• I I
Full Body Eats
You may have two eyes, a
nose, and a mouth, but that
doesn't mean you're symmetrical — not if you've had
a meal in the last few days.
Symmetry, of course, is what
good food preparation is all
about. If you're the discerning type you like your Dover
Sole, after a good braise on
GRUB
an open Celtic-style hearth by
a gal from Leeds with hairy
armpits, with two perfectly
arranged sprigs of parsley set
at either formerly scaly flank,
and another vegetable which
slices up nice and neat —
perhaps peas — carefully
split just off the tail end.
My father, who though
over 90 still has a very sharp
set of sweet breads upstairs,
continues to use the same sectioned plate my dear mother,
bless her kidneys, purchased
for him on their trip to Versailles in the twenties. The
folks found in the immaculately trimmed parterres
of Louis' palace a great relief
from the rambling and
disorganized gardens of their
home in Leeds. And it was
certainly also worth a sigh or
two  to  finally  find  in  the
cuisinary art of France a sensible concern for a neatness
worthy of unlimited monarchy. Burke was right, the old
custard eater.
Food yet resting upon
round porcelain saucers
should be carefully measured
for accurate symmetry. Bring
a wood ruler so as to maintain a certain organic continuity, and make sure those
little black marks, each
denoting a millimetre with exactitude, are not rendered
with toxic based paint. If, for
example, the dark sherry in
the marsala sauce, which has
most carefully been poured
over your veal scallops,
shows signs of separating
from the Sicilian heitage in
which it was wrought,
resulting in a kind of unsightly oil slick, you are obligated
to send the whole arrangement back to the kitchen in as
straight a line as possible.
Know no relative space,
brook not the advances of
particle physics, those
enemies of the ancient and
most venerable science of
true gastronomy, those fast-
food eating whores of the
mystical Babylon of yore
their pointy heads dipped in
cuisinary unreason. How
would you like it if your
waiter told you there was one
good probability your dinner
would be by soon, but that he
wouldn't be the one to know
when, because he was "too
close a participant"?
But that is enough for food
while its still on the plate,
delightfully divided,
eudemonically Euclidian,
noetically Newtonian,
gloriously Gaussian. In the
mouth and beyond, literally,
all hell breaks loose. Just
think of those teeth, enam-
melled masticatory blades of
the deep thoughts which lurk
within the hearts of artichokes, mashing and
preparing for Marimekko
salivations the little bitty
foodstuffs once so pure and
two dimensional on the graph
paper tablecloths of the local
diner. Imagine how the
esophagus prepares these bits
for digestion by leading them
so sinisterly to the Gates of
Stomach, where fiery acids
burn and cause great
gnashing of teeth and shouts
of burpacious foulness.
These acids rip away at our
good welKruled friends until
the small intestine flippantly
abuses the pre-pubescent
nutrients for its own licentious purposes, tossing
casually the remains to big
brother, who himself piles the
brown, sludgy and inescapably amorphic fecal leftovers   for   the  grim   rectal
Porky Namibians are a rare commodity. Manuki's Suklya Happenin' Hang Out has-'
one. Shown  is pickled SWAPO victim. Onan photo.
reaper with his curvaceous
sicled sphincter, hovering
above the indifferent pools of
American Standard.
Thankfully, the wife and I
own a bidet.
I hate eating, it ruins
everything truly valuable in
life. For beauty is founded on
symmetry, and a well
prepared meal ranks with the
finest paintings of William
Blake. Then you have to eat
it, a shame.
As for myself, the only
solace to this sad state is the
taste of uncooked human
flesh, and there's no finer
spot for revenge against the
exigencies of digestion than
Manuki's Sukiya Happenin'
Hang-Out, at the corner of
Broadway and Victoria. It's a
rather forgotten
neighbourhood, the houses
don't even have doors, some
of them, and many of the
other businesses have been
undergoing renovations for
years. A few weeks back I
even broke into one of these
spots and had a good time
with a little spider named
Graham who told me I had a
bit of egg in my beard.
Some other time I'll let you
know how I even get anything
into my mouth anyways with
all that wiry hair set about my
face Gust a hint: it has
something to do with using a
straw) but for now I'll just
ramble on about the decor,
about what its like when the
stupid-looking owner comes
to my table and recommends
a well-porked Namibian
fellow recently shipped out in
exchange for weapons by the
frugal leaders of the Southwest Africa People's
Organization. Or perhaps I'll
let you know about how they
tie my fat hands behind my
back while I use my teeth to
rip away at the innards of a
bloated corpse from one of
Sechelt's new Sapien Farms,
where the bodies are kept in
saline solution as a kind of
pickling method, courtesy
BCDC.
But for now why don't you
just pick up my book which I
get advertised for free on
these pages even though they
pay me way more than any
other of their writers, mostly
because I'm so witty and
literary, and I hand in very
neat and even and especially
symmetrical copy to that funny guy who always wears his
jacket even at parties and gee
did I ever have fun at Expo
when all those fat seniors
from Idaho came over to
where I would braise all day
on an open hearth with my
helper from Leeds with puce
armpits and the book is $9.95
but I don't get all of that you
know so that's why I write
these lovely pieces of prose
and get my picture plastered
all over the paper smiling and
saying "Mmmmm-
moneymoneymoney" and
none ever gives me bad service because I'm a cannibal.
Manuki's sukiya Happenin'
Hang-Out, 2756 E. Broadway, 10-4 a.m., Monday to
Saturday. Closed Sunday for
pillaging. No credit cards except Dyer's Club.
Join the Straight
GRADUATE 10
KINKO'S
PERSONALIZED
PROFESSIONAL
HYPNOSIS
FAST EFFECTIVE HELP FOR
CONCENTRATION • STUDY
• MEMORY • AND SPORTS
PERFORMANCE
Smoking & Weight Loss
STUDENT RATES
669-1004
HARDING HYPNOSIS
CENTRE
SANDRA HARDING
ijb>£>&gl£>    ON THE BOULEVARD
hair and suntanning co.
SUNTANNING
$39 A
Go to the head of the class with
a great-looking professional
resume from Kinko's.
kinko's
5706 University Blvd.
222-1688
MTH 8 9 F 8-6 Sat 10-6 Sun 11-6
HAIR SERVICES-20% Discount
|     5784 University Blvd.
j      (in UBC Village) V2 Blk. away
■       "Offer valid with presentation of thi
224-1922
Exp. Apr. 30/87    j
' J
flLAfl STREET
LIVE JAZZ
Friday, April 3: Linton Garner — piano
Ken Lister — Bass
June Katz — Vocals
Saturday, April 4: Linton Garner — piano
Brunch Every Sunday with Jan Walters. Harpist 11 a.m.-2 p.m.
Open daily for breakfast, lunch & dinner
2505 ALMA ST. For Reservations
(at Broadway) Call us at 222-2244
WitPe
Tomr
3617 W. Broadway
738-9520
TAKE A BREAK FROM EXAMS!!
2 fori
PASTA
Enjoy   a   complementary   Pasta
entree when a 2nd Pasta entree
I of equal or greater value is pur-
I chased.
| Valid Sun-Thurs 4-11 pm
■ Dining in only Expires Apr. 30/87 I
LARGE
^IZZA
medium charge
I Valid anytime
| Oining in only
Buy armtorge pizza
Et pay ra-fa medium
Expires Apr. 30/87 |
JOIN US IN THE SUMMER!!
Great food       Patio Dining     Live Entertainment
Large Pizza
medium charge
Dining in only
Sun-Thurs 4-11 pm
Valid: May /87
T"
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
_l_
Burger & a
Glass of Sudds
on Us!
$5.50
Dining in only
Sun-Thurs 4-11 pm
Valid: June /87
■T"
I
I
I
I
I
I
I
._..
Caesar & a
"CAESAR"
$5.50
Dining in only
Sun-Thurs 4-11 pm
Valid: July /87
Kalamaria
& a "Kooler"
$5.50
Dining in only
Sun-Thurs 4-11 pm
Valid: Aug. /87
I
I
I
I
I
-A
s* COMPLETELY STRAIGHT  4 APRIL 2-9, 1987
A
SOLD    OUT   house
blues
fanatics were smothered in
R-and-B at last month's
Town Dump show by deaf-
mute, blind, amputee
Alzheimer's sufferer (and blues
accordianist) Big Daddy Lead-
buttocks Coffin-Digger Jr. Big
Daddy (his friends call him
Mortie) started his first set with
a blast from the swingin' '60s,
"I Feel Okay, I Guess" and
didn't let up for the next two
minutes. After that, I was at
the bar.
But Big Daddy's second set
was undoubtably his best, as he
and back-up band The
Fingerless Five blew the roof of
the recently-condemned Town
Dump. Although Big Daddy
did miss a few cues and was
often out of tune or synch or
both (as might be expected), he
still pleased the capacity
crowd, who thought they
were       going       to       see
Colin James that night. "I dunno. The wrong picture,
photo and date got onto Big Daddy's poster somehow,"
said Town Dump P.R. man Doug Dinsdale. Nevertheless,
the appreciative crowd showered Big Daddy and the boys
with Vancouver hospitality, applause, and a few stray beer
bottles.
The encoure, however, lacked the energy of the rest of
the set, as Big Daddy launched into his more recent
material. In an attempt to win over the Yuppie crowd, Big
Daddy recently put out his Return on Investment of
2-and-'/4 Per-cent Blues LP last year. Songs like "My
BMW Don't Go No Mo' " simply lack the feeling of traditional blues. Stick to the real stuff, Mortie. Alia D'Night
R
EVELSTOKE HARDCORE Band Fuck Your Dike
i Slut Bitch Mother roared into town and the sold-out
Yuppieland last year, belching out a mean and nasty,
down   and   dirty   set   that   sent   many   to   the   hospital.
Lead singer Roger Rottencrotch got things going when he leapt onstage and yelled,
"Fuuuuuuuuuuck Yoooooooooo, Vancoooooooover!" and various other things in a fake
British accent which no one could understand. Guitarist Johnny Dirt, Bassist Vic Scab and
new drummer Mick Impolite then crashed into the raucous, thrashing, angry, rebellious,
pissed-off, outrageous, cacophonous, riotous, mind-blowing cursing the band is known
for.
When the Fucks picked up their instruments 15 minutes later, all hell broke loose.
Although most of the band's insightful social criticism and thoughtful, affecting lyrics
were lost in the distortion, feedback, and the cursing of the crowd, everyone had a great
time. The show also featured the first Vancouver appearance of slash-dancing, the latest
craze in the New York clubs, where as many as 1000 fans wearing jackets with old, rusty
razor blades sewn on slam-dance until they slip in the puddles of blood. Fifty pleased fans
went to emergency with external cuts and lockjaw.
The Fucks played a good solid set, but it may be their last. Rumour has it they've started
watching the PTL show, and claim it has changed their lives. Loan Pence
C
an a misguided, foolhardy experiment in music go awry and backfire, leaving its
initiators with meaningless, empty lives, and wonderings about what might have been?
Not always, but Synth, sax, and sandpaper combo Ultramarine-Deep may prove to be
the rule rather than the exception. Four local lads have formed this unlikely band, which
will play a sold-out Tonic Water at some point within the next decade.
"Our music," says lead singer Oh-Nan, "is an attempt to fuse the tranquility of Zen
with the modernity of the computer-age and the energy of—oh, say, Saturday Morning
cartoons. Right, Crispy?" "Uh—I dunno," responds synth-man Chris P.
The band says their big influences have been the Post-Modern Deconstructionalist High-
Tech groups who were popular for a couple of days last month — bands like Chamber
Music Light-Show, Infinitesimal Dirge, and Indiscrete Logarithm. "But we wanted a more
original sound — one that might last more than 48 hours on the radio stations." Hence, the
sax and the sandpaper, says handyman/rhythmatist Conan. Dave Whatsup
s
OMETIME EARLIER this century, Mick Microwave and the Electric Dukhobors
played a sold-out Commonbore Gallroom. They were just coming off a hit album and
single, the top-150 hit "Days of Future Tense", and the critics' response was tepid at
best. "We were ahead of our time," said Mick earlier this week. "No one had heard of
microwaves back then." ^ttr
This weekend, however, Mick and 1%, .nd return to the Commonbore as the start of
their "We're Not Washed-Up Has-Been» Yet" tour. They've been rehearsing the old, long-
forgotten numbers, and Mick say^jwve're as good as we ever were." But don't let that
frighten you, they have also w.-jj r^Kome new numbers "which sound reasonably different
from the old ones".
After the band broke up in the late sixties (upon the pottery accident which claimed the
life of drummer Oregano Baker), Mick spent most of his time doing session work. "I
played a little tambourine for The Patridge Family on their albums. None of those brats
knew how to play their instruments." After that, did some backing vocals on Led Zeppelin'* Weird Swirly Little Hieroglyphics album, "but they got lost in the mix." He's spent
the last few years making animal noises on innumberable sound effects albums.
A year ago, Mick decided to reform the Electric Dukhobors. "Most of the guys nad
regular, middle-class jobs — fire-watchers, garbage-weighers, 7-Eleven night clerks. They
were thrilled at the idea of recapturing the old days." Most of the last year has been spent
getting their instruments out of hock. "But we've got them back from the pawn shop, and
we're ready to rock," says guitarist Zeno Dweeb.
The only problem was the position of drummer. "Oregano was irreplaceable, you know.
So rather than commit indignity to his memory of finding a human replacement, we're using Zeno's collection of exotic budgies." The birds fly over the set and drop sticks onto the
drums. "They've got a wicked back-beat," quips a proud Zeno. Gordon Pinsent

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