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The Ubyssey 1994-02-11

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 "the vilest rag west ofBlanca"
ssex
FRIDAY 11 FEBRUARY 1994
HORNY AND NEEDING IT REAL BAD SINCE 1918
VOLUME 76, ISSUE 33
A CONTEST:
SOME SPACES ARE
HARDER TO FILL THAN
OTHERS.
Submit your graphics to
SUB 241K, and It chosen
by our celebrity panel,
YOUR visual brilliance will
run In this space, every
Ubyssey for the remainder
of this term.
DEADLINE as soon a*
possible.
Rampant sex rages in our pants
What is sex? Sex is art expression of how one, two or more individuals communicate in the pursuit of physical, spiritual and intellectual pleasure. How we are able
to represent our sexualities in literature, art, and photography is a
defining factor in society's boundaries of acceptance and rejection.
Sex surrounds all of us. In
media and advertising, sex is always an intriguing and alluring
method of enticement. Whether the
reaction is positive or negative—
the fact is that sex interests everyone.
Sex issues have always been
contentious, not merely because of
obscenity laws and graphic content, but because they challenge
the conservative notions of sex.
They exist to make sex, which is
obviously an intrical part of life,
acceptable and normal—to take
away from the negative connotations that result from misinforma
tion and rniscommunication. Sex
can be pleasurable Quite often,
conservativeconcepts of sexuality
downplay this by defining as ac-
ceptablesperincformsofbehavior
which remove individuality and reinforce gender
roles and sexist stereotypes.
Sex includes more than
the phallic utility of penetration. Sex is desire, passion, vulnerability, sensuality, and pleasure. Sex is
power, politics,danger,and
pain.
The range of acceptable sexuality have been handed down to
our society through generations of
sexual repression by church, the
legal and educational systems, and
mostimportantlyfhroughourown
inhibitions.
Sex can and has been used to
deconstruct thesocietal hierarchies
that have been sustained through
ourfear,embarrassarnentand setf-
alienation. Sexuality has the potential to be an equalizer in a society which fosters racism, sexism,
and dassism. Sexuality is a continuum that is common among
Heaven is just a
sin away.
everyone.
The politics of sex affect everyone. If children are taught to be
ashamed of sexuality, thepossibil-
ity of more open communication
between people is unlikely. The
result will be a continuation of the
moral stagnation of our very being. Sex is not simply for the purpose of creating life, sex is life.
Society encourages negative
reactions against specific sexual
expressions which deviatefrom the
so-called "norm" . Prohibitions of
writing and discussing sex, censorship of "erotica," and laws making
certain sexual acts illegal are all
actions which inhibit the
freedom of peopleopenly
talking about sex.
Sex is about
people enjoying themselves, each other, and
their surroundings. Sex
acts are not dirty. Sex is a
form of individual liberty,
wimmtrmsicresporffiir>mtythatthe
law considers its own realm of control. Sex, as a communication of
pleasure between partners), cannot and should not be controlled.
If there is something within
this issue that is regarded as shocking and disgustingitis because itis
an area of sexuality that challenges
thedominantwayofthinkingabout
sex. We need to be free to explore
and re-explore how we communi
cate sexually. Penii, vaginas and
chests are not things to be laughed
at or censored. Society should encourage an acceptance of sexuality
to foster positive attitudes for ourselves and our bodies.
If people were taught as children tobe open about sexuality, the
conditions that exist now would
improve. Over thirty percent of
teenage suicides that occur are related to sexual identity. If people
were taught and encouraged to accept themselves, thenperhaps society could ha ve a rebirth. The silencing ideologies that exist in our societies need to be seen for the self-
perpetuating lies that they are.
The existence of these ideas
allowconservativestostandon their
moral high horse and preach to the
so-called uneducated, ignorant
heathens below. Well, the time is
now. The communication of the
sexual revolution of tine nineties
has begun.
Take the infamous Ubyssey corruption test
1. Have you ever masturbated? (1 pt.) In front of someone? (2pt.) In a public washroom? (3pts.)
In a lineup?(3pts.) In a bank lineup? (5pts.)
2. Have you ever thought about having sex with your mother/father? (4pts.)
3. Have you ever engaged in fisting/anus licking/urinating or defecating on someone? (3pts.
each)
4. Have you ever smoked marijuana? (lpt)
5. Have you ever tried LSD/magic mushrooms/
ecstasty/cocaine/PCP/heroin? (3pts. each)
6. Have you ever forged someone else's signature?
(2pts.) For cash? Opts.)
7. Have you ever had sex in a public place? (5pts.)
Outside? (2pts.) In one of the "ten best places to
have sex on campus"? (5pts. each)
8. During sex, have you ever fantasized about
someone other than the person you're having sex
with to achieve orgasm? (2pts.)
9. Have you ever fallen asleep or passed out
during sex? (4pts.)
10. Have you ever stolen? (lpt.) To buy drugs or
alcohol? (2pts.)
11. Ha ve you read American Psycho by Brett Ea ston
Ellis? (lpt.) And found pleasure in it? Opts.)
12. Have you ever had sex with more than one
person at a time? (4pts.) More than five? (6pts.)
13. Have you ever used sexual paraphenalia i.e.
whips/chains/dildoes/"ben-wah" balls/etc?
Opts, each)
14. Have you ever incorporated animals into your
sexual experience? (4pte.) or fantasized about it?
(2pts.)
15. Have you ever received an enema? (2pt.) Given
an enema? Opts.)
16. Have you ever contracted a sexually transmitted disease? Opts, for each one)
17. Have you ever watched friends/neighbours/
strangers have sex (not on TV)? Opt.) Until its
conclusion? Opts.) Until morning? (6pts.)
18. Have you ever considered sex with a family
member? Opts.) Even since question #2? (2pts.)
19. Have you ever slept with a professor or TA?
Opts) In their office? Opts.) Expecting improved
grades? Opts.) Would you enroll in their courses
again (i.e. develop a standing deal, so to speak)?
Opts.)
20. Have you ever used sexually suggestive material when campaigning for a political position?
(6pts.)
21. Have you ever used fruit/vegetables in sexual
activity? Opts.) *>*** "• ^^ *"' ""^
22. Have you ever smoked during sex? (2pts.)
23. Have you ever pierced your earis)? (lpts.), nose (2pts), navel Opts), nipple Opts),
genitals (lOpts.), other? Opts each)
24. Have you ever had more than one partner in the same day? (lOpts.) Same week? Opts.)
Same month? Opts.) Same year? (2pts) In your lifetime? (lpt.)
25. Have you ever had sex with the dead? Opts.) Did you come back for more? (lOpts.)
26. Did you ever fake an orgasm? Opts.) Multiple
orgasms? (6pts.)
27. Ever had a condom break/ slip off during sex?
(2pt.)
28. Have you ever watched a porno? Opts.) Slept
with a porno star? (lOpts.)
29. Have you ever knowingly spread false rumours
about someone's sex life to advance your own position? Opts.)
30. Have you ever had sex with a police officer to
avoid a fine/being charged? Opts.)
31. Have you ever shaved anyone's genitals Opts.)
Your own? Opts.)
32. Have you ever eaten human flesh? (6pts.) Your
own? (8pts.)
33. Have you ever slept with your partner's best
friend? Opts.) Repeatedly? Opts.)
34. Have you ever slept with your boss/co-worker?
(2pts.) to further your career? (4pts.)
35. Have you ever slept with a friend's fiance? Opts)
the night before the wedding? (lOpts)
36. Would you have sex with someone older than
you? (lpt) Ten years older? Opts) three times your
age? (lOpt.) Half your age? (lOpts.)
37. Have you ever called your lover the wrong name
during sex? Opts.)
OK, now tally up your scores and see how you rank:
50 points or less — one word—"biblethumper"
50 to 87 points — you've obviously found the road
to corruption, but you're hitchhiking and no one's
given you a ride. Find your own ride.
88 to 147 points — well on your way into hell, jail,
or both. You have a keen understanding of the odd.
p.s. you'll go blind if you do that too much.
148 to 189 points — if courses were offered in corruption, you would most certainly be called upon as
aguestlecturer. You are living proof that the notions
of moral and immoral are highly subjective at best.
overl90 points — you must be a minister in a
MaritimeRoman Catholic church, orareform school
headmaster in one of the more central provinces. tinai>>cmct.DtadUM:330pmtwod^b^ortpii>6caiimdaU.Adrw1^^
<l.->- COMIMJ
THE VANCOUVER INSTITUTE
Free Public Lecture
Saturday, Feb. 12
Dr. Murray G. Smith
Director, Centre for Trade Policy
and Law
Carleton University and University of Ottawa
speaking on
AFTER NAFTA: WHERE DO
WE GO FROM HERE?
Lecture Hall 2, Woodward IRC
 at 8:15 pm	
FREE LECTURE "LEARNTNGTO
LIVE", John Darvill, Feb. 20th, 8
pm, Technocracy, 3642 Kingsway.
VOU SAI.K- IViv.ito
HEMP PAPER PRODUCTS, no
trees, no dioxins. Sheets 81/2x11,
env. note pads, to order call 253-
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PROFESSIONAL requires furnished accommodation for one year
starting July. (415)645-2576.
Project Information
Meeting
Building Topics
Multi-Tenant Facility
Chemical/Bio-Engineering
St. Mark's Chapel
Pumping Station
Various Infrastructure
Projects
UBC Instructional
Resource Centre (IRC) RM 6
2194 Health Sciences Mall
For additional information
contact: UBC Campus
Planning & Development
822-8228
February 17,1994
1:00 -5:30 pm
Overseas
Employment
Workshop
Opportunities Are Amiable ki Every
Profession, Trade & Service.
Workshop topics include:
. Long & Short Term Jobs
. How to Get Hired Fast
. Working Vacations
. Permits/Visas & Taxes
. Overseas Resumes
. Who's Hiring
. Overseas Contracts
. Avoiding Scams
Two Dates to Choose From:
Saturday, F«b. 19,2 pm-4 pm
Surrey Inn, 9850 Kim George Hwy, Surrey.
(or) Saturday, Feb. 26,2 pm - 4 pm
Holiday Inn Bumaby Metrotown,
4405 Central Blvd., Burnaby
hibic
$35/person+GST
(Indudhg Excelant 70-Pooe Manual)
PLEASE REGISTER ATM DOOR
PRIOR TO THE WORKSHOP
ALSO AVAILABLE ON VIDEO!
or cal to Business I Employn
for ohw brochure
Pkkupatttn
T.aMigliBft.h(403)28M636'*
SeUtfttbt GmrmteoJ or Mftnf ftetmie*
Omk us out with the Bitter Asms Bureau
VACANCIES IN THE SINGLE
student residences are available for
qualified UBC students. Please
contact the housing office in Brock
Hall for details or call 822-2811.
LRG 2 BDRM, fully furn. in West
End. Share with n/s, s/f and 2 cats.
$400. inc util., wshr/dryr, prking
avail. Call Michelle, 685-4714, lv.
msg. Avail Mar. 1.
:so - -JOBS
REQ. STUDENT for morning
housework / child care, 3-5 days?
week. 730-9am, approx. plus 2 aft
per week. Call 222-4140.
PAINTERSWANTEDfor summer.
Accepting applications now. Vehicle an asset. $7-l0/hr. Experience not required. Call Jeff 739-
4415.
70-SERVICES
BEST-BUY CAR & TRUCK rentals. We gladly accept cash deposits.
We make renting hassle free. Ph.
261-2277-261-CARS.
CLASSICALGUITARIST-lessonft/
performances available. Familiar
with many styles. Qualifications &
B.Mus., European trained. Reasonable rates. Cal Blair 222-2821.
LSAT-MCAT-GRE: Intensive 20-
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study materials; course fee $195;
full money-back guarantee. OXFORD SEMINARS 739-8030.
FLYING ACROSS CANADA?
Travel CUTS has great Student
Prices to most major cities!
See us on campus for details:
SUB Lower Level.. 822-6890.
so-TUTORING
WANTED TUTOR FOR Commerce
Course (Real Estate Financing),
urban land econ. Call 876-1289
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PROBLEMS WITH ENGLISH?
For help with grammar, essays,
LEP and Provincial Exam prep.
First hour free 277-6137.
H.-> - TYPING/WORD PROCESSING
PROFESSIONAL typist, 30 years
exp., ed process/typing, APA/MLA,
thesis. Student rates. Dorothy,
228-8346.
WORD PERFECT LEVEL II
Feb. 26th & 27th
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If s time to perfect your
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$123 +GST
AMS WORD PROCESS-ZING
Ph/fax 822-5640
RESUMES
Only $24.95 (2 pgs). 10 yrs exp.
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224-8072.
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Stored for two years. Very Reasonable. 889-0476.
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scanning, etc. Call Joanne 730-
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WORD PROCESSING - Laser
printer, essays, theses, manuscripts. Low rates. Shirley 731-
8096.
99-MESSAGES
Hey Frank, you left your condoms
in my room, you might want them
back, jane
I saw you eating bagels with lox. I
was eating melted brie with blackberries. Our eyes met. I want you.
Let's fuck.
I am in a warm and furry place join
me fish and let us romp like wild
kittens — grrrrlllllowrrrr
GENITAL HERPES VACCINE STUDIES
Paid Participants Required
Volunteers who do not have genital herpes but who:
• have a partner with genital herpes or
• have had 4 or more different sexual partners in the last 12 months or
• have had sexually transmitted disease in the last year
... are required for testing of a potential new injectable vaccine for
genital herpes
All volunteers will receive either the potential new vaccine, or a
placebo vaccine, containing no active drug. Participants must be at least
18 years of age. Females must be using a form of birth control.
A generous honorarium will be offered to those completing the trial
period.
For more information please call the UBC Herpes clinic at
822-7565
Bob is a UBC student.  Bob is a woman.  Bob was a
skier — then the snow disappeared.
Now she's tackling slopes of a
different type, but still has time to
produce stunning research papers.
It's all because Bob took the AMS
Word Process-Zmg WordPerfect
Level II course. Now she lets her
computer worry about footnotes, charts
and table of contents.
Be like Bob.  Learn WordPerfect and beat
the cycle.
i5    i5    *    *
WordPerfect 5.1 — Level II Classes
Feb. 26th & 27th
9am - 1pm both days
Cost:  $123 + GST
Rm 60 SUB • Ph/fax:  822-5640
'TWEEN CI.ASSES
Friday. November 11
Nursing Undergraduate Society.
"Directions in Nursing" Presentation series. Discussion forum for
undergrad students with B.SN.
practising nurses. Noon-1:20pm.
Univ. Hosp. - UBC Site, Acute Care
Pavilion T-188 (third floor).
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Fest'94: PianoForte featuring Jane
Coop, Robert Rogers, Rena Sharon,
Robert Silverman and others. Noon,
Music Bldg., Recital Hall.
UBC School of Music. UBC Jazz
Ensemble. Guest soloist, Bobby
Shew, trumpet. 8pm, Music Bldg.,
Recital Hall. Admission: $5/3.
Japan Exchange Club. Ice skating
night. 7pm, UBC Thunderbird Ice
Rink.
Intl. Socialists. Public mtg., "Whafs
behind the attack on politically correct?" Noon, B228 BUCH.
La Tertulia - Spanish Club of the
AMS. Wine & Cheese - Latin Music. Members $3, Non-members $5.
3:30pm - 6:30pm, BUCH B330.
Saturday. February 12
AMS Tutoring. Free drop-in tutoring for 1st year Math, Phys, Chem,
English, Econ, Biol. l-5pm, SUB
Rm 205. More info call 822-8724.
Sunday. February 13
AMS Tutoring. Free drop-in tutoring for 1st year Math, Phys, Chem,
English, Econ, Biol. 5-9pm, SUB
Rm 205. More info call 822-8724.
Tuesday. February Iff
UBC Pacific Rim Club. Vancouver:
Prospects for the Pacific Age — A
wine and cheese event. 6-8pm,
Waterfront centre, hotel ballroom.
Tickets 9 AMS Box Office.
Student Health Outreach. Intimacy
in the 90's: Reality, Risk & Responsibility. Health fair, featuring everything you want to know about
sex. Communicating with your
partner, birth control, sexually
transmitted diseases ... Come see
UBCs own "Sally Jesse Rapheal."
ll:30-2:30pm, SUB Concourse.
Overeaters Anonymous. Weekly
meeting for compulsive overeaters,
bulimics & anorexics. Noon-1:20,
every Tuesday. Lutheran Campus
Centre.
Wednesday. FftlJiniary Iff
StudentHealth Outreach. Intimacy
in the 90's: Reality, Risk & Responsibility. Health fair, featuring everything you want to know about
sex. Communicating with your
partner, birth control, sexually
transmitted diseases ... Come see
UBCs own "Sally Jesse Raphael."
ll:30-2:30pm, SUB Concourse.
PSA:
The Original Beanery Coffee House
is looking for people interested in
di splayi ng their art or photography
in a coffee house setting. Call 224-
2326, ask for Gord or Albert. 2706
Fairview.
This space for rent,
please call 822-3977
CiTP3lbirdSp^
101.9
"tune in, turn on, flop out"
February 11th
7:45pm
T-birds vs. Lethbridge Pronghorns
commentator: Chris Uren
LSAT - GMAT
MCAT - GRE
WEEKEND TEST
PREP SEMINARS
Sessions on NOW
Call 228-1544
Renert Seminars Inc.
Fishing Guides Needed
Summer 1994
Vancouver Island
Avid Salmon and Steelhead
Fisherpersons Needed!
Can you tie your own hooks, cut
plug a herring, clean fish, and do
you have some knowledge of
driving a small boat'
Want to get PAID to do it' $15 per
hour plus room and board.
Call (619) 221-8058,
FAX resume to (206) 343-8519,
or send to P.O.Box 99040,
Seattle, WA 98199.
Ash Wednesday
Service
Wed., Feb. 16th-12:30
Lutheran Campus Centre
Sponsored by Ecumenical Campus Ministry
(Anglican, Lutheran and United Churches)
All Welcome FRIDAY 11 FEBRUARY 1994
PENH, PENH
THE UBYSSEY 3
A man's best friend is a long and faithful companion
by ttraham Cook
Man bites dog; woman bites
dick.
The former was once said to be
the most attention-grabbing
headline—but recent history suggests the latter.
One only has to look to the
most "controversial" article of last
year's Ubyssey sex issue, a story
about a man having his love sausage bitten off during a state of
arousal. Among other factors it
resulted in a small-scale advertising boycott of the paper and its
eventual shut-down.
And then, wouldnt you know
it, lost penises suddenly became
prime media fodder. The Bobbit
case brought castration anxiety to
the mainstream, along with the
pleasurable experience of conservative journalists like George Will
and Sam Donaldson crossing their
legs nervously and talking about
"tragedy" when the subject was
broached on "Face the Nation."
What is it about one-eyed love
snakes anyway? They are common
enough, and their use is a pretty
straightforward matter.
However, unlike cultures
which openly depict and discuss
the phallus as a symbol of fertility,
the dominant north american culture makes dicks mythical.
The alleged size ofthe member, "its" stamina, the names given
the organ as if it were a separate
being, all contribute to this wee-
wee obsession.
Radical feminists (using the
term in its analytical rather than
pejorative sense) talk about our
"phallocentric" culture, pointingto
clock towers and skyscrapers and
the use of words like "penetration"
to describe military campaigns and
marketing surveys.
They point to the male-perpetuated myth that women see
noodle size as all-important in a
lover—quantity rather than quality.
And tor women like Lioreena
Bobbit and many others, this willy
fixation makes the penis appear
the embodiment of male violence.
In fact, we dont actually see
many schlongs from day to day.
Unlike MuchMusic's constant bevy
of bouncing breasts there are no
equivalent of perky penises. While
women strippers at straight-male-
identified bars take off all their
clothes, and the front row seats are
known as "gynaecology row," "La-
he's been grabbing himself vigorously beforehand you are likely to
see a somewhat shrivelled organ of
no particularly distinguishing size
or shape.
That's   why   Marky   and
Schwarzenegger and Stallone and
too concerned about erections can
ruin the moments), become frustrated and lose self-esteem.
And for men who have lost
power in the recessionary job market, sexual (dick) power becomes
the last resort for control—and that
and social celebration of women's
bodies and fertility.
It also means, in practice, that
cunnilingus (oral sex performed
on/with a woman) is often overlooked, meaning sex itself is reduced to "the old in-out."
dies' Nights" often safeguard the
dickmvstiauebvkeeDinethe hunks'
g-string on.
Some feminist art critics point
to this mythologizing as a necessary
surrogate for the penis' inherent
lack of aesthetic nobility. Take off
Marky Mark's Calvins and unless
Fabio all have to turn the rest of
their bodies into the eauivalent of
an erection: tall, pumped, veins
bulging, even a bit purple when
they get angry.
Hangups about John thomas
size and stamina a*-e at the root of a
lot of sexual problems. Men who are
usually means power over someone, not shared with them.
Worse still is the highlighting
of this very male approach to
sexuality. Dick-centre dness means
the dominant culture silences
women's sexuality, and continues
to quash the millenia-old cultural
It doesn't have to be this way.
If men worriedless about their
rods and more about mutual
pleasure and respect, there would
be a lot more happiness—and a lot
fewer Loreena and John Wayne
Bobbits.
These Boots are made for what?
by Chock Puller
Fm a trucker. If s what I do...
when Fm not working in the sex
industry. The two occupations are
surprisingly compatible. Either
way I deliver a lot of loads, but
there was one memorable experience that I have to relate to your
readers. You're not gonna believe
this.
Onahot afternoon in August—
/know, almost too hot for clothes—
I was rollin' down highway 69.
There's a cooler of beer beside me,
a payload of woman's shoes behind
me and four hundred miles of
blacktop stretched out in front of
me. It didnt help that Tower of
Power was on the 8-Track, and I
was trying to steer around the
loneliest erection ever.
My old lady had just given me
a "dear John" saying "Welcome to
dumpsviHebaby. Population YOU."
I knew it was over because she had
erased my "Inside Imelda's (that is
THE Imelda Marcos) closef videotape. Four glorious hours of the
most pristine, high-gloss, most
lady-like collection of classy
women's shoes ever collected on
the planet, except for maybe Tilly
Endurables—but they're hats.
The company has a policy
about not picking up hitch-hikers,
but like I say, that afternoon was
hot, lonely and very, very, very
erect. So later on, on the quietest
part ofthe highway I thought I saw
a mirage. Maybe a tree? A cactus?
Maybe a shapely sign-poet. Whatever it was, it was wearing the
biggest fucking pair of boots Fve
ever seen.
My rig shuddered as I locked
down all sixteen wheels, my eyes
focussed on CSAapproved, full steel-
shanked, twelve hole.leather laced,
triple stitched, romper-stompin'bad
boy Daytons. Attached to them—
and I mean stickin' right out of
them—was some woman. She was
ok. Most important, she was looking for a ride.
I popped the passenger door—
boots and booty swung inside. The
unique scent of sweat-soaked and
sun-baked leather has a peculiar
odor that sends a tingling shaft of
pleasure to my brain. We made
small talk for awhile. I thought I
was doing good. I thought I was
keeping my cool, until I noticed she
wasnt wearing socks.
Maybe she heard me quietly
groan. Maybe she intuitively sensed
my desire or saw how I stared at her
footwear. Maybe she saw the pre-
cum soaking through my trousers.
Either way, she became playfully
intense.
"Here, catch" she said as she
flipped one ofher boots onto my lap.
It was suddenly very hard to concentrate with the stinky boot under
my nose and the barest of feet only
a few feet away from me. I was
almost hyperventilating. The rig
swerved a few times as I fought to
maintain control ofthe rig and my
consciousness at the same time. All
ofthe blood in my body body shifted
south.
"Slow down,"she said, "ain't no
place we gotta get to that fast."
"Oh god" I whispered, "Do you
know what you're doing to meV
"I have a pretty good idea," she
laughed, "but Freud would say that
your unusual interest in boots and
feet is a desire to replace that which
is missing in your hfe."
"Tell Freud to write a book"
almost came out of my mouth but
what came out instead was "please
put your boot in my mouth."
"No" she said. "I only like to
watch." Then she told me to lick the
boot clean, and started to peel her
clothes off.
Do you have any idea how hard
it is to lick a mud-encrusted boot,
listen to a voyeur masturbate and
maintain control of seventy feet of
truck all at the same time? I licked
around the big steel toe, and was
langourously spitting gravel out of
my mouth while my erection got
bigger and bigger.
"Use more saliva" she whispered, and I did, drooling a puddle
onto my lap. I couldnt see what she
was doing but I could hear her. I
worked my tongue down to the heel
ofthe boot and she started to moan.
She must has been walkingthrough
pastures recently. I blacked out for
a crucial second when my cock
erupted like a geyser in my pants.
The truck jack-knifed and started
to roll. The last thing I remember
was a confused maelstrom of naked
hitch-hiker, boots and myself spinning around and around.
I came to in the arms of the
hitch-hiker lying on top of a pile of
womeri'shi-heeled shoes. She stared
at me with a huge grin on her face.
We both started to laugh and I knew
that I had met my match. We've
been together ever since.
Ted Young-Ing photo 4 THE UBYSSEY
SEX
FRIDAY 11 FEBRUARY 1994
Bill C-49 hooks prostitutes, not clients
by Niva Chow
The oldest trade in the world
is still encountering problems.
Laws that prohibit
prostitution are part of a system
that puts prostitutes at risk of
violence and unsafe sexual
practises, according to a growing
movement for the legalization of
prostitution.
"All of the laws surrounding
prostitution make it illegal for
women to operate in safer working
conditions," stated a report from
Maggies—a Toronto prostitutes'
community service proj ect—to the
Toronto police services board.
Many believe that the
legalization of prostitution would
increase safety through better
monitoring and regulation.
Bill C-49, adopted in 1985,
aims to "decrease street
prostitution, facilitate application
ofthe law and to equally prosecute
clients and prostitutes."
But according to some nongovernmental reports, the law is
ineffective in addressing the real
problems with prostitution.
The National Association of
Women and the Law (NAWL) is
one of the groups which criticizes
the way current prostitution laws
are enforced.
NAWL's brief on bill C-49
states, "It is hard to see in what
way traffic congestion, nuisance
level, street harassment and
vague 'quality of neighbourhood
life' concerns assume an 'urgency'
which outweighs such problems
as drug trafficking, pimping and
juvenile prostitution."
Detective Mike Miller of the
Vancouver vice squad identified
the problem differently.
"Nothing happens to a
prostitute when she is convicted...
we need prostitution laws that
have some teeth, then the girls
are more accountable. We need
stronger enforcement," Miller
said.
The law as it now stands does
not make prostitution illegal in
Canada. However, it does make
any attempt to communicate with
a prostitute for the purposes of
solicitation illegal.
Some prostitutes' rights
groups say setting up a legal safe
haven for prostitutes—a "red light
district" like those in some
European cities—would lessen
problems.
The Maggies report also
recommends total
decriminalization of prostitution:
"One of the safest ways for
prostitutes to work is to establish
a place and work with partners...
The first step in creating safer
working conditions for prostitutes
would be total decriminalization
of prostitution.
"The decriminalization of
prostitution would not only reduce
the number of 'dates' serviced on
the street, and the number of street
prostitutes... it would give more
time for women working the street
to negotiate clients, without fear
of arrest and harassment therefore
reducing risk of an assault."
According  to   Dr.   Robert
Gemme from the department of
sexology at University of Quebec
in Montreal, part of the problem
is that the entire prostitution
trade is stigmatized.
Gemme wrote in The
Canadian Journal of Human
Sexuality that, "A negative
perspective on prostitution exists
even when participants are
consenting and when there is no
violence, exploitation,
degradation or use of children."
The Maggies report also
recognizes the problem, stating,
"The criminalization of
prostitution further stigmatizes
prostitutes which allows for and
promotes 'whore bashing'."
Gemme concluded that there
are unequal applications of the
bill C-49, which tends to prosecute
fewer clients than prostitutes.
A Safe Sex Guide
SAFE
- masturbation
- dry kissing
- frattage
- fantasy
- massage
- nipple stimulation
- sex toys
- oral-vaginal sex (mouth
vagina) with a dam
- oral-anal sex (mouth-anus)
with a dam
- erotic bathing or showering
MINIMAL RISK
- wet kissing
- oral-vaginal (mouth-vagina)
outside menstruation
- oral-penile (mouth-penis)
before ejaculation or with a
condom
- oral-anal (mouth-anus)
LOW RISK
- oral-penile (mouth-penis)
swallowing semen
- vaginal intercourse (penis-
vagina) with a condom
- oral-vaginal (mouth-
vagina) near or during
menstruation
- anal intercourse (penis-
anus) with a condom
VERY HIGH RISK
- anal intercourse (penis-
anus) without a condom
- vaginal intercourse (penis
vagina) without a condom
- shared sex toys
source: Aids Vancouver
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Women Students' Office Sexual Harassment Office Student Health Outreach Ho(
Did You Know?
Tips that help prevent
acquaintance sexual assault!
Refrain from the excessive use of alcohol and other drugs.
Drugs, including alcohol, alter perceptions and hamper
your ability to think clearly and communicate effectively.
In an intoxicated state, you may forget what you previously
learned about preventing acquaintance sexual assault.
Remember, you have to look after yourself.
No one else will.
Women Students' Office
Student Health Outreach
R.C.M.P.
For more information or help, call:
822-2415 AMS Safety Hazard Line
822-4858 Sexual Harassment Office
224-1322 Student Counselling
WAVAW/Rape Crisis
822-SAFE
822-6353
822-3811
255-6344
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Orgasms in Res:
Please be quiet!
by Sarah O'Donnell
Residence life at UBC is
notorious for its wild romps and
night-long orgies. However, many
students have been disappointed
because residents does not pack a
better bang for its buck.
Bill, a second year veteran
said, "unfortunately, I've never
encountered the Totem Park sex
atmosphere myself, but I know
other people around me sure have."
For people who are presently
fornicating in UBC housing
complexes, privacy is the most
important issues.
"When you live on a floor with
30 other people or share a quad
with a bunch of guys, it's really
hard to be as vocal or noisy as you
want without feeling self-
conscious," said Jimmy.
Christine, who just started
having sex in res this year, said
"The worst thing is when you are
just about to have the biggest
orgasm of your life and some freak
comes knocking at your door.
People seem to have some kind of
sex radar. Then you have to quiet
down and wait until they go away
so you can keep going hard. But
you totally lose that moment."
"Privacy is hard because
everyone always knows what
you're doing, where you are and
who you're with," said Tracy, a
resident who is not having sex but
would like to be.
Others have not encountered
any problems. One male resident
said, "Privacy isn't really a
problem when you've got a single
room. It gets harder when you
have a double room."
Adrian, who is one ofthe 600
UBC residents who shares a
double room said, "Luckily, my
girlfriend has a single room in
Vanier so it makes things easier."
For the people who are not
getting any, noise from other
rooms seems to be the main cause
of concern.
Mike, a second year rezer said,
"The bed springs are okay, but the
screams kind of get to you after
awhile."
"The people next door are so
loud I feel like I'm a participant,"
commented Beth.
The official verdict about sex
in res from Pat Buchanan,
assistant director of student
housing, is, "the students private
rooms are their homes...but if
someone doesn't use discretion and
they are engaging in an activity
that is bothering other people, then
we would categorize that as failing
to use proper discretion."
"In a first offence they would
probably be given a warning and
asked to use prudence," he said.
One Totem advisor said that
res rules are stricter than that.
"You're not allowed to have sex in
the shower. If you're caught having
sex in the shower, you will
probably have standards action
against you... its just a matter of
privacy."
?oh ip.53.nno MU^H luapnjs aoiJJO JU3UissE.reji prnxas aoujo tsju9pnjs usuio^
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■ To the Ubyssey, that is. B
I SUB 241K. 0audestiae me«tt»gs every Wednesday at 12:30.| FRIDAY 11 FEBRUARY 1994
SEX
HE UBYSSEY 5
Selling sex on the Net
by Jeff Haas
i want more stories like the misty
series.
fucking little girls is a great topic.
but it isn't forced they want it, i
love it.
i want to see many more stories
like those.2
so if anyone has them, post 'em.
i would appreciate it.
i think alot of us would.!!!
- found (verbatim) in
alt.sex.stories
As of 1 December 1993, when
Netinfo came on-line, all
registered UBC students have the
opportunity, free of charge, to read
hardcore pornography containing
themes of misogyny, incest,
bestiality, pedophilia, and other
'deviancies' that are harder to
categorize.
By dialing 822-4477 with a
modem and registering (all that
is needed for this is a library card
number and a corresponding
birthdate), students can gain
access to stories, discussion
groups and thoughts about every
possible sexual facet known to
humanity.
Once registered, all a user
has to do is proceed to Usenet
(option #4 on Netinfo) and
subscribe to the newsgroups of
their choice e.g. alt.sex.
The prefix "alt." signifies that
these newsgroups are
unmoderated.thus anything goes.
No form of censorship whatsoever
exists—even the most racist,
biased and disgustingly ignorant
comments are shared with all
subscribers. It is left to the
individual to state their own
opinions as far as 'what is
acceptable' goes. For instance:
Re: REQUEST: Canine
Bestiality
» If anyone has any stories
available that depicts people and
dogs engaging in sexual activities,
I would love to recieve a copy.
Please either post them either
here or on Alt.Sex.bestiality, or
email them to my account.
>You are one sick bastard. I
don't have any, I'm sure someone
else does though. Please email
him, don't post them here.
>Ahhh, geez. Give the guy a
break. If he wants to read doggie
stories, let him read doggie
stories. Who the Hell are you to
say that he is a sick bastard?
Perhaps some of your own
escapades would be condemned
by others as being sick and
twisted, but who cares. If you
don't like the stuff that's posted
here, STAY AWAY AND KEEP
YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
- found in alt.sex.stories
(originating from UBC)
In the beginning ofthe 92/93
school year, it became publicly
known that pornographic files
were being transmitted to and
among people at UBC through
Usenet News (at this time, only
staff, faculty and a handful of
students were registered for this
service which the university
provides). A complaint was made
to president Strangway's office
and, as a result, Computing and
Communications, the
administrators of the system,
were ordered to remove access to
any such information.
Of course, they didn't hesitate
to agree to Dr. Stangway's
demands, but the ensuing
controversy about censorship
made him think again. The
president's office, in true
bureaucratic fashion, instigated
a task force (The Task Force on
Appropriate Use of Information
Technology) which wrote the
Statement of Appropriate Use of
Information Technology Facilities
and Sevices.
Among the recommendations
ofthe task force were: a) that the
censored newsgroups be
reinstated; and b) that "the user
[should bear] the primary
responsibility for the material
that he or she chooses to access,
send or display". In other words,
the administration has officially
stated that it refuses to regulate
what goes on in cyber-space,
specifically UBC's part of it.
Although 'twas a nice gesture,
it was also a complete waste of
time. What the task force seemed
to be oblivious of was the fact that
ANYTHING can be transmitted
via Internet and that even while
they were discussing the validity
of restrictions, these restrictions
were being circumvented.
Even today, with the
restrictions on alt.fan.karla-
homolka (placed there by law, not
by administration policy), there
are ways to get to this supposedly
unavailable information. So,
knowing that they can't censor or
control the transmission of
controversial information
(pornography, hate literature and
all sorts of propaganda) on
Internet, should the AMS, in
tandem with the UBC Library, be
making this service available to
all its members? When the
decisions were made, were the
AMS executive aware of Usenet's
other side?
>What ignorant bitch would
ruin a perfectly good little boy by
wanting to have sex with the lil
darling? Ill tell you!!! A disgusting,
filthy whore of a bitch who only
cares about hersefl! LEAVE THE
LIL BOYS ALONE!!! THEY
BELONG TO US MEN!!!! WE
ARE THE ONES WHO TREAT
THEM WELL, NOT YOU
SLUT1STIC TROLLOP
WHORES!! YOUR ALKL
DISGUSTING! LEAVE OUR LIL
BOYS PURE!!! Women are
*&%A&*A$&* A@A!%A!%$
A*&@A$&*(@& $(*@&*&#@!!!!!!!!
• found in alt.sex
There are worlds of
information available in the
universe of Internet. Discussions
on cold fusion, Hemingway, incest
and hamsters are keystrokes
apart and some of the topics will
offend and enlighten even the
most open-minded individual.
Stories like 'Girl Scout,' 'Mother
Likes To Help,' 'Rover' and
'Fisting Fanny' are disgusting to
some, but they would not exist
without an audience.
Diane Currie, help desk
consultant at Computing and
Communication knows what's
going on. When asked about the
pornography on the system, wh ich
she is responsible for maintaining,
she said, "I don't read them, but I
realize that there's some really
HAIR CUT
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sick stuff out there."
She's right. There's some
reallv. reallv sick stuff out there
(depending on your point of
view), but should it be banned?
Should students at UBC have
access to this kind of
information? Should the AMS
be contributing money towards
educating it's members with
commentary like:
>In almost all situations I
am one hundred percent in favor
of free speech of all kinds. I
strongly feel, however, that you
have really gone to far with your
perverted sexual stories. Sex with
young children? Homosexual sex?
I fail to see how any normal
educated person could even think
of writing such stuff. I believe it
is immoral and, even worse, a
pestilence for society as a whole.
-alt.sex.stories.d(iscussion)
I guess everybody's entitled
to their own opinion.
Female condom: good or bad news for women?
by Tanya Storr
The female condom could be
available in Canada as early as
March—and critics are divided
over whether or not this new birth
control/safe sex device is good
news for women.
The female condom is a little
larger than a male condom, and
is made of polyurethane, which is
stronger than latex. It has an
inner ring, and an outer ring that
prevents the condom from
bunching up and disappearing
into the vagina.
To use the female condom,
one pinches the inner ring and
squishes it to fit inside the vagina.
The penis can then guide the
condom the rest ofthe way in, or
it can be fitted by hand.
The female condom,
manufactured by the Reality
company, is currently available
in the US, and has the same 10
percent failure rate as the male
condom. This failure rate is
lowered with the addition of a
spermicide.
According to Ming Chiang,
education director for Planned
Parenthood, one ofthe major pros
of the female condom is that it
helps prevent the spread of certain
STDs that the male condom
cannot prevent.
"The outer ring ofthe female
condom covers the labia, which
provides extra protection against
genital herpes and warts," Chiang
said.
Mike Botnick of Aids
Vancouver said another pro ofthe
female condom is that it gives
women control over having safe
sex with a man who dislikes or
refuses to wear a condom.
"The female condom
eliminates the dialogue of
negotiating safe sex with a man
because the woman has the power
to put it in," he said.
On the other hand, Botnick
emphasized that the female
condom was invented by a man
"to give men pleasure", and that a
large number of women have
reported that it is very
uncomfortable.
Chiang said she has heard
differing reports from women who
have tried it.
"Some women have said you
actually feel more because it's
made of polyurethane, and some
have said they like it because it
gives them extra protection," she
said.
One serious con ofthe female
condom is that it costs
substantially more than the male
condom, although, like the male
condom, it should also only be
used once. Chiang projected that
the female condom will sell for
about $2.50 each in Canada,
while the price of the male
condom currently works out to
roughly 50 cents apiece.
"Unless her partner shares
the cost, the female condom could
be just one more expense for a
woman to bear if she wants
protection," Chiang said.
THE UBYSSEY
11 February 1994
The Ubyssey is a member of Canadian University Press
The Ubyssey is published Tuesdays and Fridays by the Alma Mater Society ofthe University of British
Columbia. Editorial opinions are those of the staff and not necessarily those of the university
administration, or ofthe publisher. The editorial office is room 241K ofthe Student Union Building.
Editorial Department, phone, 822-2301; advertising, 822-3977; FAX, 822-9279
It was late. Production had been hectic and everyone was getting on everyone elses' nerves. Anne Gebauer sat in the corner brooding
at her surroundings—and Julie O'Connor loved it. She playfully began stroking Anne's arms. Staffs attention grew. Will Hamlin, who
had been writing about the art of war looked over and joined the two women. Christine Price—always ready for action—noticed Jeff Haas
and forced him to submission. Sarah O' Donnell, lost without her sidekick, took to Ron Eichler with her leather gear. Kurt Preinsburg had
been too much for them. Rick Hiebert remained at his computer desk and joyfully pulled at his own little toy. Tanya Storr looked longingly
at Tanya Battersby and they began their own game. Siobhan Roantree needed someone and Pat McGuire was only too happy to comply.
Sara Martin and Ted Young-Ing cleared the papers off of the desk and went at it awhile and Doug Ferris and Graham Cook played with
a rack and some candles. Niva Chow whipped off her clothes and announced "Okay, I'll take the rest of you suckers on!" Steve Chow
was already busy spreading the lotion on Fernando Avendano but Taivo Evard was ready for a piece of the action and Gregg McNally
couldn' t decide whether to take her up on her offer or join Fish and Liz van Assum who were "waking up the neighbours" with their noisy
fetching and swallowing.
Editor*
Coordinating EdKon Douglas "BadAss" Ferris
News Coordinator: firaham Cook
News EdKors: Sara Martin, Taivo Evard
Culture Coordinator. The "Apocalypse" Chowman
Culture Editor Ted "I love Ernie" Young-tag
Photography Coordbiaton Siobhan Roantree
Production Manager: Lb Is that ztt big?" van Assum What could be more exciting or more
challenging than engaging in
consensual sex on this hallowed
campus? For your viewing pleasure,
our beloved staff photogs have
assembled a visual melange of
possible places to have sex on campus.
ii
"Cum Into my parlour" said the spider to the fly. DESIREE ADIB P"0™
"Romp around with the Campus Cowboys."
STEVE SCAU PHOTO
Odds contest
Warifea hear something odd?
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Tell us the£
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Bring entries
Contest de
[ Special thanks to Megan from BMG
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SUB 241K THE UBYSS
UT95ET Not for the faint of heart- the proverbial ubyseey office.
Dhi.q-fc flas!ih.ot flashliot flaa
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Sow for more info and an interview 8 THE UBYSSEY
KURT DIRT
FRIDAY 11 FEBRUARY 1994
Kurt Preinsperg is alive and well (and still likes sex)
by Rick Hiebert
Who, pray tell, is Kurt
Preinsperg?
Rules for Romance is a 20
minute black and white film on
Preinsperg, probably the most
famous UBC graduate since world
war two.
Many older Ubyssey readers
will remember him. A campus
celebrity from 1979 to 1992 (when
he graduated with a PhD in
Philosophy), he was a student
representative on the Board of
Governors in 1989-90 and Alma
Mater Society President in 1990-
91. But that's not why he was
famous.
He gained his fame through
opinion articles in The Ubyssey,
most often on love and sex. The
articles gave advise on how men
can have better relationships with
women. Some liked them while
others saw a more predatory, sexist
mindset at work.
Preinsperg made a
submission to Kathy Tait's love
column in The Province on
September 6,1990. He offered 31
hints to "get you off to a better
start with the woman of your
choice". They ostensibly taught
men "how to reach out to women
in a healthy way, with sincerity,
caring and respect," but many
saw the rules as a formula to bed
women.
UBC went bonkers over the
Province column. The Ubyssey
called it an "amazing... display of
bad taste, poor judgement and
complete ignorance". A petition
drive was launched to impeach
Preinsperg from being AMS
president and letters filled The
Ubyssey for months.
The controversy is the center
of Rules For Romance, filmed
from    1989    to    1992.    The
documentary made its debut at
the Vancouver Film Festival last
October.
Director Kathy Garneau said
she thought of doing the $15,000
black and white film even before
the controversy started. "When I
read him in The Ubyssey, I'd run
home and read it to my
roommates. We'd sit around,
reading it and laughing at the
amusing parts. Itwas fun reading
in the following issues all the
angry responses."
Garneau said that aside from
Preinsperg being a "fascinating
subject to film", she has no strong
opinions for or against him. "It's
hard to say what he's really like.
He calls himself a reflective
hedonist," she said.
One of his opponents at the
time, SFU physics student Pam
Costanzo, started the petition
drive to impeach Preinsperg and
almost forced a referendum.
"Basically, he was incapable
of seeing women properly and
thereby unable to promote the
interests of women on campus,"
Costanzo said. "He forfeited his
right to represent us and the
students signing the petition felt
the same way."
"I thought he saw women as
being there for serving a sexual
purpose, that they had no
individuality at all and could be
conquered using mechanical
rules," she said.
Today, Costanzo would
probably ignore Preinsperg.
"I was a lot more idealistic back
then. I though that if I got Kurt
out of office, UBC would be a
better place. His attitudes are all
over campus, lots of professors
and administrators think as he
does. If you get rid of one person,
it won't change things much."
Preinsperg now teaches
philosophy at the Langara campus
of VCC and Fraser Valley College
and does not regret all the fuss
over his sex rules.
"Anything that creates that
sort of interest evidently touched
a nerve," Preinsperg said. "I was a
bit traumatized at the time as I
didn't count on such a vehement
reaction. I didn't think the rules
encouraged anything except love
and respect for women."
He said seek) ng to understand
and care for women has added a
lot to his life. "The women in my
relationships have responded in
kind and in turn I'm blessed by
how they open up to me."
Preinsperg plans to pass out
a copy of his revised "Rules For
Romance" at the screening. He'd
like to write a book on the subject.
by Kurt Preinsperg
exerpts from his rules for romance
I offer the following thoughts
in a completely undogmatic spirit.
Women vary in their
response to sex-oriented talk
in the early stages of dating.
One woman may find offensive
what another finds exciting. In
general, sexual innuendo (or your
stash of erotic magazines) won't
speed up a woman's desire to go to
bed with you. As one woman told
me, "If you talked less about sex,
you might be getting more of it,
you know."
Don't push the level of
intimacy beyond what the
woman invites. Women often
reject a man if they feel pushed,
even if they were attracted to him
at first. In particular, don't rush
the first kiss. Let her offer this
intimacy. You may not find
kissing overly gratifying, but for
most women it's a major romantic
turning point. And get rid of day-
old stubble on your chin it may
irritate women's skin.
Never pressure a woman
into having sex. Learn to go
with the naturally evolving flow
of intimacy. Let her know,
honestly, what part you want sex
to play in your relationship. But
tell her there's certainly no hurry.
Enjoy her presence and whatever
physical tokens of affection she
offers. Give each other time to let
the desire build. The sweetness of
sexual anticipation is worth
savoring. Now's a great time to
pour your hearts out to each other.
Men (and women) are missing
out when they go too fast.
Stress that you care about
fidelity. Enjoying sex fully
requires special trust for most
women (and men too). It's difficult
to achieve this trust without
sexual fidelity. There're costly
emotional pitfalls associated with
maintaining concurrent sexual
relationships, especially if they
involve deception. It's advisable
to show courage and honesty in
trying to convert an existing
sexual relationship into
friendship before having sex with
someone new.	
Vlethinkii,^
Development
Alternative Approaches to living in Todays World
A V\feek of Speakers,
Displays and Videos
Concerning Society's Role
in International Development
Feb 21-25
Sub Concourse
:-y^3??s?«ag«='*'*
Rules from mighty
austrian love machine
by Doug Ferris and Graham
Cook
G: To start off on a Siskel n'
Ebert note, "Rules of Romance"
is a brilliant and quirky look at
the most bizarre campus
politician since, uh, Stan Persky.
Having been around during the
later part ofthe Kurt saga it was
quite hilarious to see folks like
Katherine Monk talking about
the Austrian love machine.
D: I thankfully wasn't around
when any of this was going on,
unlike the interviewies who
obviously had some kind of
interrelationship (ie- Doing the
Birddance) with him.
film
REViEW
Rules for Romance
Dir. Kathy Garneau
Valentine's Day
SUB Theatre 12:30 pm
Pacific Cinemateque 7:30 pm
G: I enjoyed the pseudo-newsreel
approach, especially the goofy
music by Ari Wise. It was a good
way to accomodate the resource
limit that black-and-white film
places on you.
D: I don't think this film would
have been as effective if it had
been made in color and
maintained its silly sense of
humor. The lack of color refers
us instantly to the 1950's when
we could have seen this kind of
"news of the day" documentary
approach. A tongue-in-cheek
innocent conservative kinda hand-
in-hand romance leading
(hopefully) to getting laid.
G: Kurt was an interesting
catalyst, looking back. In many
ways the debate over his pick-up
article in the Province was our
own little campus debate over
responsibility versus so-called
"free speech." His rather old-
fashioned approach is almost
painfully sincere, as well as being
offensive in many of its
assumptions.
But the debate over what he
said did bring out some of the
issues of what a respectful dating
relationship should be.
D: This satirical presentation of a
frightening kind of romance—with
Kurt as our stand-in for the cave
man romantic—is brilliantly
effective in raising an awful lot
issues and making us laugh at the
same time.
G: The amazing thing to me was
the willingness of Kurt to
participate in the film. It ends up
being a not particularly flattering
portrait of him, yet he seems to
have gone along with it right to
the end.
D: Yup, Kurt still has the power to
make us put our heads in our
hands and wonder just what the
hell is going on? Doug and Graham
say check it out. FRIDAY 11 FEBRUARY 1994
SEX/SMU'
THE UBYSSEY 9
Hie delicate taste of latex does not titilate tastebuds
by Tanya ■attenby
There is little information
available on safer sex for women
who have sex with women. And
what does exist tends to contain
confusing or contradictory information as to what constitutes risk.
"There is no conclusive research about practices among
women who have sex with women.
We dont have enough information
about how much risk there is in
oral sex, for instance," said Beth
Easton, coordinator of Women's
Programs at AIDS Vancouver. "I
hesitate to say oral sex is a low-risk
orahigh-riskactivity—we just dont
know."
Oral sexisnottheonly possible
risk activity between women.
"Sharing of sex toys without
cleaning them or using a condom
can be a risk activity. Any contact
with a bodily fluid, be it blood or
vaginal fluids, with an entry point
into the body isarisk,"Easton said.
Due to be released in early
March, a survey conducted by
Women's Programs at AIDS
Vancouver found that, of women
who have had sex with women over
the past year, "86 percent of the
respondents who were engaging in
oral sex with women were not employing any measures to reduce
risk," Easton said.
Some women interviewed by
the Ubyssey complained about the
"hassle" of using barriers. Condoms
were generally unpopular because,
"you have to cut them... they taste
bad and are too skinny.*
One woman said dental dams
"are so thick you cant tell if you're
licking your lover's clit or her leg."
Plastic wrap was rejected because
it "sticks to itself and bunches together."
Easton emphasized the need
to address "the shame and stigma
attached to behaviours among
women who have sex with women,"
as well as the confusion around
what constitutes risk.
"Anytime a behaviour is stigmatized if s hard to talk about it,"
she said.
The survey found that having
sex with men is a behaviour that is
stigmatized among women who
have sex with women. Yet, "40
percent ofthe respondents to the
study had had sex with men at
some time or were currently having sex with men," Easton said.
"This demonstrates that self-labeled identities dont necessarily
correspond to behaviours."
There isaperceptdoninlesbi an
communities that bisexual women
are infecting "pure" lesbians with
sexually transmitted diseases by
having sex with men.
Another woman interviewed
thought such a view was held only
by a minority of women. Two others, however, felt the belief was
more widespread.
"I had a lesbian health nurse
tell me STD's are brought into the
lesbian community by bisexuals. I
think there is the attitude that if
bisexuals would just go away, lesbians wouldn't have to be responsible about their sexual practices,"
one woman said.
Another woman also believed
the stigma around bisexual sexual
behaviour stemmed from fear and
ignorance.
"It's linked to not knowing
anything about bisexuality, from
not talking to bisexuals," she said.
One result of the stigmas attached to certain sexual practices
among women who have sex with
Ride the bus and fuck me
MONTREAL (CUP>-The only
Men's Movements you need to know
are stroke and thrust
It was the summer of'86 and
I could feel my boy's body bursting
into manhood. My body hair
sprouted like spring growth from
my nether regions. The spurts of
physical growth had not yetracked
my body, but that wasnt important. I realized my fundamental
shift to manhood on a balmy day in
rural Nova Scotia.
Jeff and I were exploring the
outer limits of our boyhood universe on our trusty Schwinn
chargers when we happened upon
an abandoned school bus, standing alone in the middle of a field.
After dismounting, we approached
the wheelless hulk and passed
through the folded open doors.
and heavier. I felt a bit envious but
I couldnt help stroking it.
"Whatever it is, dont stop," he
moaned as he struggled free from
his jeans and slid his tender young
cock into my mouth.
I wrapped my lips around his
jizzsicle and slidthem up and down
the maypole. I could feel my chin
brushing against the curly fronds
of Jeffs pubes, those soft tendrils
of manhood.
His hips swayed gently, and
before I had settled into our
rhythym of love, his many floodgates burst, rinsingmy mouth with
virgin seed.
I peeled his sweaty body off
the dead-lizard green vinyl seat,
and took his place there.
His sweat glued my back to
the seat, and I couldnt move as his
lips flew ravenously across my
young smooth chest.
I wrapped my lips around his jizzsicle and slid
them up and down the maypole. I could feel my
chin brushing against the curly fronds of Jeff's
pubes, those soft tendrils of manhood.
Once within the ancient bus,
we clove to each other. Our bodies
moved closer as we walked up the
aisle. The air was heavy with virility inside the vacant bus. Before I
knew what had happened, I had
Jeff pressed on a vinyl seat. My
tongue set to work lapping the
sweat off his pubescent brow.
"Dennis, whatareyou doing?"
he gasped.
I didnt answer, but buried
my face in his sweaty shoulder
and peeled his constrictive shirt
away.
He was more developed than
I was; his body hair was darker
As his tongue probed my
mouth, I could feel the man
awakening within my boyish
psyche. His form emerged from
the dark pool of my unconscious,
sending homoerotic ripples across
my soul.
I wildly thrust my cock into
Jeffs mouth, and he took all four
inches unflinchingly. I stabbed at
his hole as if I were spearing a wild
boar in an ancient rite of passage.
"Kill the pig! Kill the pig! Cut
his throat!" I screamed as I
slammed my roman candle down
his throat. He lay heavy and fulfilled upon me, panting hot breath
on my downy scrotum.
women is that "some of the dialogue about safer sex is being
pushed underground," according to
Easton. "It also makes it hard for
lesbians who are HIV positive to
come out and ask for support from
the community."
However, Easton stressed that
the survey also found there was a
sense of "commitment to knowing
more and doing something" about
safer sex among women who have
sex with women.
One ofthe most important aspects in discussions of safer sex
among women who have sex with
women, Easton pointed out, is respect for the many different choices
women make.
"I say, here is the information
that's available, make your own
choice, and Fll respect your decision."
Rick has a rainbow of meanings
by Fernando Avendano
If someone tells you to fuck
them, what do you do? do you plant
a kilo of cocaine in their suitcase
and buy them a ticket to LA, tell
them that the world is ahexagon, or
jumpintoabed with them and have
sex? What kind of sex do you have?
Is it sweaty, hot, sticky, hair-pulling, back-scratching, bed-squeaking, teeth-knocking, salivating,
headboard hitting the wall, illegal
in five provinces sex, or is it tender,
face-stroking, hand-holding, neck-
licking, smiling, considerate, hugging, passionate and sensitive?
These are some definitions of
that eternal question, "what is the
difference between fucking and
making love?
What*s the big deal anyway?
Who gives a "fuck" if ifs fucking or
making love? If s all the same isnt
it? The conventional definition of
the act of sex is defined as a penis
penetrating a vagina or an anus.
The penis is thrusted in and out of
the orifice until an orgasm is produced. If the penis belongs to a
considerate owner who is having
sex with the owner of a vagina, the
penis will continue the thrusting
motion until an orgasm is produced
within the vagina. Simple. What
else is there? I hope no one is agreeing with me on the simplicity of this
act.
We use the word "fuck" in a
variety of ways.
1) you're fucked! (adjective or
more preci sely subject complement)
2) fuck! (expletive)
3) fuck me! (self-depricating
expletive)
4) fuck you! (street slang
meaning, "i dont think i like you")
5) you're a motherfucker! (subject complement indicating an act
thafs taboo, thus, defaming the
charater ofthe receiver)
6) fuck this! (expletive declaring the morale ofthe speaker)
7) i got fucked last night! (verb
referring to either an act of sex or a
heap of trouble)
It seems that 1) through 6)
were derived from a sense in 7).
hmmm. What can we say about a
society that equates such negative
senses to a word that refers to an
act of pleasure? Semantics, you say?
If s all about semantics.How many
people think there is a difference
between fucking and making love?
How many people even care? if you
dont think there is a difference and
you dont care, then I think if s best
that you use your hands or fingers
for your sexual pleasure.
What should you see? what is obscene?
by Ron Dealer
"can't define obscenity, but I know it
when I see it" - Justice Potter
The new rules of pornography
were supposed to be enforced
equally, in order to "protect" society
and promote equality.
But critics charge the law is
having a chilling effect on artists,
and is singling out the lesbian and
gay community. And now
Vancouver's own Little Sisters
bookstore has found itself in a continuous struggle with Customs
Canada in an attempt to import
seemingly innocuous erotica de-
signed for straight or lesbian women.
THE CODE
To understand the struggle, it's
good to know where the law itself
stands. In 1992, the Supreme Court
of Canada was faced with a case
called/L u. Butter where Butler, the
proprietor ofa Winnipeg video store,
was charged with selling obscene
material.
Due mainly to the intervention
of the Women's Legal Education
and Action Fund (LEAF), the court
presented a new way of determining whether or not something was
obscene.
Instead of relying on "community standards," the court moved to
anew"harm-based" standard which
would gauge the degree to which
depictions "harm" women and other
groups.
Judges are now asked to look at
material and decide for themselves
what the "national standard of tolerance" is, and whether something
is harmful. Expert evidence is allowable, but the judge is equally
allowed to ignore it. You cant ask
for advice, because the standard
shifts from judge to judge.
"NATIONAL" STANDARDS?
In fact, the only way to know if
something is obscene is to get arrested, and then have the judge tell
you. Too late? you ask. Tough.
In addition, one judge's decision does not mean a permanent
label of "obscene" on a publication.
First, the act was designed.to
be vague enough to takeintoaccount
the changing nature of community
values. A certain set of pictures in
the September 1984 issue of Penthouse magazine was found to be
obscene in Ontario, not obscene in
Manitoba, and the trial resulted in
a hung jury in Quebec—all with the
same 'national standard.'
ARTISTS CONCEPTION—
CENSORED
If the trials and tribulations of
those who sell mainstream smut
dont interest you, consider the
problems faced by artists.
Artists are given the slight reprieve ofthe Internal consistencies'
test if their work is found to be
obscene. But once again, it is up to
the judge to determine if the work
meets the qualification, and once
again expert evidence can be accepted or rejected at the judge's
leisure.
The lawhasnotled to the arrest
of many artists, but it has caused a
feeling of'obscenity chill.' Art galleries' newspapers and artists
themselves have been forced into
self-censorship.
When the whole purpose of art
is expression, this chill stands opposed to those purposes—and the
more an artist tries to push the
edges, the greater the chance for
misinterpretation and legal difficulties.
QUEER SEX AND BUTLER
A quick reading of the Butler
decision makes it clear that the
purpose ofthe legislation is to insure
that erotica does not reinforce existing imbalances of power. Erotica
cannot be violent or dehumanizing
in the way some mainstream pom
has been.
Consider then that the immediate result of the Butler decision
was a police raid of the Glad Day
bookstore in Toronto, which culmi -
nated with the seizing of the Lesbian S/M magazine Bad Attitude.
The judge in that case looked at the
magazine, tried to imagine what
the images would look like if it
were men doing the same things to
women, and decided that harm
flowed from the magazine.
Although the sex shown was
consensual, the judge ruled, as in
Butler, that consent further dehumanized the 'victim', and so made
the magazine even worse.
The strangest case so far is
that of Vancouver's own Little Sisters bookstore, where this law is
being misused, deliberately, to put
pressure against the Lesbian
community.
For some reason, Customs
Canada has decided that whatever
gets sent to this store is of interest.
Books that make it without
problems to other book stores (including the UBC Bookstore) are
stopped for long periods of time by
customs agents. Customs has gone
as far as holding academic papers.
The irony is that the Butler
decision was intended to help
equalize the role of this community
in society, and is now itself being
used to attack the gay community.
Little Sisters, with the help of
the BC Civil Liberties Association,
is starting to fight back. In October
of this year, Little Sisters will be
going to court to force a change in
the way that the law is being applied.
But they face the cost of going
against the system. Launching a
case of this magnitude requires
lots of money, and right now Little
Sisters needs help. They are relying on private donors to fund their
case, and are also looking for volunteers to help with fundraising.
Thanks to prof. Christine Boyle of
the Faculty of Law for help in
writing this article.
morality + law- censorship Jenufa:
sex(ism),
SHAME.
LIES
by Anne Gebauer
This opera made me want to leave after the
first act. However, I try to make it my practice
not to quit, and stayed for the entirety.
What can I say ? Poor old Jenufa is unmarried
and pregnant by drunken Steva. I can understand
herposition. Jenufa lives in a small rural village.
It is a time when illegitimate children are a sin.
Jenufa's pregnancy brings shame and
embarassment, enough that she must be hidden
during her pregnancy.
Jenufa
Quen Elizabeth Theatre
5 February 1994
Perhaps it is modern liberality (imbued in
many of us) that prevented me from feeling any
deep emotion or great sympathy for Jenufa. Or
maybe it was the music without melody, the
music and voices that seemed a never ending
scrawl that dulled my senses.
By the third act, there was a little
improvement (in the music). Steva did get his in
the end. Jenufa did get a "true love" after all. I
should mention that Jenufa's "true love" was
the man who, in a fit of jealous rage, slit her
cheek earlier in the opera. And all this happened
after Jenufa's mother psychoticly killed Jenufa's
baby by slipping him through a hole in the ice of
a frozen lake. The baby was later discovered.
Isn't morality uplifting! Some of the most
twisted actions sprout from those acting in the
name ethics.
No, Jenufa is not an opera to go out of one's
way to see. But there's always a rotten one in the
barrel. I'll stick to Mozart, Verdi, Strauss, and
the like.
by Will Hamlin
Paris, France is fille
sex. In fact, the film is al
sex, and the ad for it ca:
warning, explaining that th
an art film. And it's Canai
boot.
Director Gerald Ciccor
screenwriter Tom Wal
explained that main ch;
Lucy's torrid, graphic ;
odyssey is an attempt to rid:
of feelings of dislocation
decides that the experience:
had years ago with her
remembered, half-im;:
"perfect lover" are more
pursuing than a stable lit
husband Michael and sex n
Sloan are affected by her a
and during the film come t<
with problems of their owr
The Ubyssey: Can you tell me
briefly what the film is about?
Tom Walmsley: It's really about
people finally going after what they
want. When Michael is dying on
the living-room rug, and he says,
"Just give me the chance to be
bad," I mean how bad does he
really want to be? He doesn' t want
to go out and become a biker or
anything. At some point you really
become your own cop Michael
isn' t as honest with himself as Lucy
is, when it comes down to it. His
whole life I think he wants what he
finally gets at the very end of the
film. What does it all add up to
anyway? You die, and they chisel
on your tombstone, "He Mowed
the Lawn." I mean, you might as
well go get it. . . . Then there's
Sloan, who doesn't know what it is
to be a man. He thinks he should be
more of everything. He just can't
settle into who he is.
U: Lucy's "perfect lover" was a
man who never was his own cop .
TW: And who is he equated with?
The devil.
U: And she's irresistibly drawn to
that, isn't she?
TW: Yes.
U: What is pornography?
TW:     I'm     shocked     that
pornography as a word has made it
back into the culture. It used to be
a joke, people wanting to ban
movies with a lot of sex in them.
© TED YOUNG-ING PHOTO
Now I know people very active
politically, youngerthan me—and
they're not right-wing, Christian,
back-to-the-landers—they have
different reasons, but they come
up with the same thing: they want
it off the screen. If you protray sex.
and people are titillated, and you
call it pornographic, well fine. I
don't see anything vile about that.
I would never use the word.
Gerald Ciccorritti: I would. I
know it's a very arbitrary thing,
but I feel one has to come up with
a definition somewhere. A lot of
people like sex as entertainment..
one can make an arbitrary
distinction between erotica and
pornography. Pornography to me
is something that advocates a real
anti-human feeling, just
destructive, just hate, and erotica
could be a film that just has a high
sexual content but is not filled with
hate. Erotica has only to do with
sex, but pornography doesn't. Gay-
bashing, something advocating
homophobia, anti-Semitism—all
the obvious things—anything
which depicts that, to me is
pornographic. Seeing two people
having sex, even a lot of sex, in a
movie, that's not pornography.
I know it's playing with words,
in kind of a politically correct
fashion, which I don't want to be,
but that's my definition. Clearly I
don't think our film is
pornographic.
U: So pornography is something
which panders to people's lusts,
and only that?
GC: No, because there's nothing
wrong with pandering to lust. Lust
is OK, it's just an extreme desire
for something. Lust does not
necessarily mean that you want to
go out and kill someone. It could
just mean that you want to possess
somebody in a real physical and
till positive realationship. Lust is
not necessarily a bad thing.
TW: The Holocaust was
pornographic. Fatal Attraction was
pornographic.
GC: So was Basic Instinct. I think
that advocated hatred on a lot of
levels.
TW: I think pornography drags
sex itself through the mud. Neither
of those films I found really erotic.
I mean, I enjoy tearing someone's
clothes off as much as the next
guy. But I'd rather see a more
intelligent context. The men in
those films are so oafish and stupid.
The whole thing was so il! thought-
out and ignorant.
U: Is there a link between sex and
evil? There are a few places in the
film in which acts or words of
destruction or defi lenient are used
in a very sexual manner.
GC: There's no link between sex
and evil. There is a link between
sex and destruction, only if you
look at it this way: in the recurring
euroboric cycle, creation has to be
preceded by destruction. Lucy, for
example, wants to have a new life.
You cannot have anew life simply
appliqued to the old life. The old
life must be removed, therefore
destroyed. Her choice of method
of destruction is through some kind
of sexual odyssey. That's not an
evil thing.
TW: I differentiate between "bad"
and "evil".
GC: Yes. Lucy is trying to be
bad. . . . Clearly she used to be a
"bad girl." But for the past five
years she's been the opposite:
she's been the "perfect
housewife," and now she's trying
to be bad again, to release some
kind of positive creative energy.
U: To what extent do people
"believe in their cunts," to borrow
from the first words of the movie,
and what are the advantages and
disadvantages of doing so?
GC: Our main character is a
woman who's a writer, and
therefore her gender and the power
of words have to be linked. With
that opening line [spoken by Lucy]
we hoped to accomplish many
things, not least of which is to
make the audience listen to the
rest of the film. The next thing is,
she's saying a shocking word,
she's saying "cunt." Why should
the word "cunt" be shocking?
We're aware of the fact that it is,
therefore we're playing into the
audiences's preconceptions. We
want them to think, "maybe this
shouldn't be so shocking." We are
also, to use the popular term,
empowering the word "cunt," etc.
U: So you're trying to say
something about the way men
think about women?
GC: Or the way women think of
themselves, too. by Doug Ferris
and Graham Cook
G.TostartoffonaSiskeln' Ebert
note, "Rules of Romance" is a
brilliant and quirky look at the most
bizarre campuspolitician since, uh,
Stan Persky. Having been around
during the later part of the Kurt
saga it was quite hilarious to see
approach, especially the goofy
music by Ari Wise. It was a good
way to accomodate the resource
limit that black-and-white film
places on you.
D: I don't think this film would
have been as effective if it had
been made in colorand maintained
its silly sense of humor. The lack
sincere, as well as being offensive
in many of its assumptions. But the
debate over what he said did bring
out some of the issues of what a
respectful dating relationship
should be.
D: This satirical presentation of a
frightening kind of romance—with
Kurt as our stand-in for the cave
OGVIANK
folks like Katherine Monk talking
about the Austrian love machine.
D: I thankfully wasn' t around when
any of this was going on, unlike the
interviewies who obviously had
some kind of interrelationship (ie-
Doing the Birddance) with him.
Rules for Romance
Dir. Kathy Garneau
Valentine's Day
SUB Theatre 12:30 pm
Pacific Cinemateque 7:30 pm
G: I enjoyed the pseudo-newsreel
of color refers us instantly to the
1950's when we could have seen
this kind of "news of the day"
documentary approach. A tongue-
in-cheek innocent conservative
kinda hand-in-hand romance
leading (hopefully) to getting laid.
G: Kurt was an interesting catalyst,
looking back. In many ways the
debate over his pick-up article in
the Province was our own little
campus debate over responsibility
versus so-called "free speech."
His  rather old-fashioned
approach  is almost painfully
man romantic—is brilliantly
effective in raising an awful lot
issues and making us laugh at the
same t me.
G: The: amazing thing to me was the
willingness of Kurt to participate in
the film. It ends up being a not
particularly flattering portrait of
him, >et he seems to have gone
along with it right to the end.
D: Yup, Kurt still has the power lo
make us put our heads in our hands
and winder just what the hell is
going in? Doug and Graham say
film dees not lick boot.
GRRRL SMUT
You want to be my little boy. You want to curl up in my
lap, have me stroke you head, tell you sweet stories, give
you warm drinks. You want me to adore your innocence,
wonder at your achievements, and play the games that give
you so much amusement. You want me to direct you and
praise you and give you a place in my world.
These are to all be yours. By nature of flesh and
desire, I give food to you fantasies. Fill you overflowing with
my fine attentions. And in exchange, I take my due only
from your offering.
When you turn from my grasp, cringe as I draw a soft
hand across your face; glare insolent at my small requests;
I doubt not your hunger. You, cringing, are anxious. You
resisting are begging to suffer. You glaring ask repremand
as relief.
I punish insolence, merely to punish. You are insolent
merely for punishment.
Dragging you down to the ground by hair that is too
fucking long for any decent young man, I trust that the dirt
beneath you is sharp and hard. I pull you slowly across it,
just to make certain you notice.
Ignorant little prick, you squirm like you do not enjoy
the bed which I have selectedforyou.Swee/one/'ssomeffi/ng
wrong. Are you not comfortable? Do you find the ground too
sturdy for your majestic little asshole ?
Fuck you, you reply in a predictable manner. Oh it is
so fortunate that what you lack in vocabulary you more than
make up for in tail.
You turn to swing at me. I catch moving arms, and
answer defiant eyes with a suggestion to chill. You cry out.
You are coy in your seduction, but I know what you beg for.
Rollover. You are looking at me like you don't understand.
Now isn't that lovely. The boy is really a bimbo. I hoist your
squirming body onto your knees, holding arms tight behind
your back. You snap at me and casually I grab your hair and
detach your teeth from my leg. I rip your pants down below
your knees and run my hands over your smooth flesh. My
fingers quiver, but I breathe deeply and I am clear before
the ache of growing need within me.
Slow, I draw soft leather tails across vibrating skin.
see Lezzie Smut #3 for more...
he bar every week-
Biiii for several months,
>ry fantasies and putting
ornos I watched.
3k enough to op up to
e TED YOUNOING PHOTO
BOY NGU REM)
by Gregg McNally
It Will Not Last The Night
documents the career of Larry
Lillo, the revered Vancouver
director who made a name for
himself in the theatre
communities of Canada and the
world. The film is a tribute to an
extraordinary man who
succumbed to AIDS last June,
showing his dichotomous
presence near the end of his life,
a slow, thin body commanded by
powerful penetrating eyes.
Director Michelle Bjornson
gives a brief narrative in the
beginning of the film and then
lets the pictures and the people
tell Larry's story. The
documentary cuts from scenes
of Lillo preparing his cast for his
direction of MacBeth to
interviews with the cast members
after the play.
The interviews with Lillo
and his partner, actor John
Moffat, show the effect Larry's
disease had on both of them as
they reminisce about their past
together and attempt to make
light of the overwhelming
circumstances. Lillo declares that
now that the doctors have found
a treatment for his latest ailment,
it is time to fix himself up again.
"So I guess it's time to quit
smoking, since I'm not going to
die right away!" he quips.
It Will Not Last The Night
dir. Michelle Bjornson
Lillo's career brought him
the recognition of being
Canada's foremost artistic
director and his passion for his
work is brought to light in the
shots ofthe MacBeth rehearsals.
Patty Allen, who played Lady
MacBeth in the 1992 production,
praised Lillo for his attention
and desi re to bring out the subtle
nuance-, of human interactiion.
She applauded his sense of
awareness for little behaviours
in the actors that made the play
more realistic.
Lillo's integrity, ability to
direct, and strong character are
revealed in many touching
anecdotes. It seems that everyone
who knew him greatly respects
him, and his illness enhances that
feeling for the viewer. At times
he was too exhausted to keep his
head up during rehearsals, yet he
fought his disease and carried
through with the play.
The documentary is not
depressing despite the fact that
everyone knows what will
happen to Lillo. Bjornson shows
the success that Lillo enjoyed
and the spirit that he still
maintained. His powerful
presence and charisma is carried
throughout the documentary,
both in the stills of Lillo's
flower child days, where he
thinks back to himself as "Just
gorgeous!" to the interviews near
the end of his life, when he was
thin and weak.
The cinematography is
sometimes out of focus, but it
seemed to give a more humanistic
feel to the already touching
documentary. This film presents
a stirring celebration of the
wonderful golden boy director. Small pink bear seeks
loving home with caring
individual. I am
Jiuggable loveable, and
machine washable.
Reply c/o Thunderbird
[Shop in SUB.
Dexter Lion is looking to
let loose his wild side.
Respondent must like
[cute and cuddly, with
just a touch of ferocity!
Reply c/o Thunderbird
Shop, Student Union
Blvd.
Macy Mah,
A la fille chaude qui est
tres bete (ne pas belle!).
J.K. will you be my
valentine?
Lonny.
Christy,
Thanx for making me
smile.
Michael
Jackie, please be my
valentine (in the chaste
and proper sense).
Love, Rick. PS: happy
birthday.
Fierce cooking, fun-
loving purple dinosaur
seeks date for Jurassic
Park. Like children t\
dogs. Reply c/o
Thunderbird Shop - SUB.
[Michael,
[You are the most
ultimate boyfriend a girl
[could ever have. You
are the ONLY boyfriend
I'll ever have. I LOVE
YOU for all your
khoughtfulness. I LOVE
IYOU for how much you
care. I LOVE YOU for
your endless patience. I
TOVE YOU for how you
love me! You are my
love. And my life. And
my future. Don't you
EVER forget that!
Happy Anniversary and
Valentines!
Charlene
PEPPER:
Japan's loss is definitely
my gain. I'm glad you're
back, so that every night
can be like "Kyoto my
Pension." Aishiteru.
We met on a plane
headed East
I though you were
sweet (and
smelled nice too).
You left the jet in T.O.
And solo I watched you
go-
Then it hit me like eggs
in a blender.
I didn't ask for your
number.
So ... Laura. Call me.
Aaron 327-6517.
Dear Andrea,
My valentine
Happy 2nd Anniversary
Love Scott
I'm in the mood for love.
Once you see me, you'll
never love an udder.
Haven't you herd? It's
Valentine's Day! Reply
to Chester Cow c/o
i ne i -biro bnop.
To all the girls in the
B.A.D. club
(and their crushes
too),
Happy *@#&!
Valentine's Day
you all rule!
Love S.D.
Dear Manjit,
your teet must be sore
'cuz you've been
running thru my mind
this semester!! Hope
the best 4-u and take
care. King of Hearts.
Dear Lawrence, •
I treasure every single
moment that I spend
with you.
And i promise that I will
cherish all the time that
we will spend together
in the future.
Your love simply makes
me the happiest woman
alive!
And I love you. Not
only because of who
you are, but because of
what I am, when I am
with you.
With all my heart,
DB
To my other rotten furry
hairball
Happy Valentines
LS+
MK,
My love for you is as
strong righteous and
bright as the sword I
wield. Still and always.
Shanti,
my name is Paul. We
met briefly one night a
week ago. I was
absolutely intrigued and
would like to meet you
again. Please call me at
278-2089.
Bill: Yeah, I know. I
should be clown in L.A.
right now with you. But
what the fuck. If it is
worth it now, it'll still be
worth it in a few months.
-Ted
Object matrimony!
Female underwater
hockey player seeks
good-looking American
U.VV.H. Player to marry
ASAP. Reply c/o Mel at
T-Bird Shop (Photo
apprec).
To E.P.:
Grrrr... me-voulez vous?
Your SOFT, SENSUOUS
BODY is HOT-HOT,
SMASH my body w/
your BIG WET lips, RUB
me ALL OVER W/ those
TASTY TITS let me
SUCK, BITE, F... OH
YEAH ... UH! OOPS
gotta HEADache, bye!
Love CKW.
Dearest Adrian,
"The ultimate test of a
relationship is to
disagree but to hold
hands." - A Penney
Thank you for always
holding my hands.
X0X0X0 LOVE ya tonnes
- TN
SLICK:
REMEMBER THE DOCK
ON THE BAY? If you
love pineapples, tell me
you will marry me today!
Love Dick.
To my lovely
Chrysanthasister
(ish one)
The love of my life, my
pickle — je t'adore, je
t'adore schlippy bellies,
candles, bookstores
with you, late night
snacks, days on end in
bed, waking up all
tangled up, holding
hands real tight, our
rings, your hands, your
tattoo, your eyes, your
back, your spirit, your
mind, your body, your
all. I love you. I love all
of you. I love all of you
forever. Here's to us,
our garden, our tree, our
future ... love & pickles
& kisses - XO Lovely
Steve,
Although you're 6'1"
And I'm 5'3"
Our love joins the
distance
Between you and me!
Love, your girlfee
to my little Christopher
robin:
your little smirk that you
give makes me laugh
i love sitting and looking
at the mountains with
you-
taIking about nothing in
i don't want you to go,
little one.
toGG:
room, with your
cologne it makes me
purr...
your inability to hold me
between us,
like playing hockey and
rollerblading against my
biggest enemy.
i want to kick you in the
head.
to my lovey-lovey
sphincter-boy,
if you were a sandy
beach, and if i was a
big wave,
i would wash all over
you and cover you with
my love,
from, girlie
dearest yukes: thanx for
all the cards and tea
and sympathy, from the
martyr.
to the house of love
lets all move our beds
into the liv and close the
blinds
happy v-day love the
house pres
To my sweetie:
Late productions,
physics exams, fighting
over the covers... And
through it all we build
our life together.
I'll be loving you always.
Your pussycat mole, G
pollywog:
no one does these
things to me the way
you do. from me.
Dear Binky.
I woke up this morning
and you still weren't
there. Get the hell over
here. Love Doug.
To the Kits Three: I love
you. You are my
everything. Love and
kisses, Athene.
SHAHRZAD,
Even if 40 ships sailed
for 40 days ... love, Bob
Jason M.,
'Every woman needs a
man like a fish needs a
bicycle." Affectionately,
My dearest Katherine:
UNLOVABLE-that's
what you are to me.
Black roses and upside-
down hearts for you,
dearest, on this most
disgusting of days.
Forever, The Chowman.
To Meow meow:
sorry i haven't called
lately but I've been
thinking about you. Let's
go to Tim Horton's
sometime. Love Liz
Hot and sexy Sour joe:
All I have to say is you
had better come home
and fuck me!
Cherise:
Happy V-Day.
The Ghost of Christmas
Past

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