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The Ubyssey Nov 30, 1973

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Array \- .W-a,*0-?**!"
.". N N* ^
Degenerates at right hold coke
meeting in SUB washroom to
discuss big party to be held today
from noon on to commemorate
last issue of The Ubyssey this
term.
Degenerates, otherwise known
as Ubyssey staffers in SUB 241-K
where they hang out, invite the
whole campus to the party to be
held in The Ubyssey newsroom.
Meanwhile today's issue
contains some Christmas goodies:
On page 3, Linda Hossie looks
at a humanistic course for
engineering students;
On page 4 we present our
traditional Christmas presents to
those who make the campus and
Canada interesting;
On the centre spread, Ubyssey
religion editor Peter Duffy
completes his search for the
millenium;
And sports on pages 22, 23.
Enjoy, Enjoy!
Rep gain slow, sure
By GARY COULL
It's been a year now since the
people in the arts undergraduate
society began making noises about
student representation but it
finally looks like something
definite will be done.
Senate will meet Dec. 12 to
consider final reports from 10
faculties on their proposed formulas for student representation
at faculty meetings and committees (except those concerning
tenure, hiring and firing and
scholarships).
Before adjourning a meeting
earlier this month senate approved
similar briefs for the agriculture
and applied sciences faculties.
However eligibility requirements
for reps must still be decided.
Who will conduct these elections,
when they will be held and other
administrative details must still be
decided by senate after the faculty
reports are amended or approved.
In the end whatever senate passes
may still have to be approved by
the board of governors just like
everything else.
At its April 25 meeting senate
approved student voting
representation at faculty meetings
with the reps numbering between
five and 25 per cent of the number
of    voting    faculty    members
teaching in that year. Faculties
were asked to submit recommendations suggesting the percentage and number of student
reps they wanted, what years they
should come from and how they
should be elected.
The Ubyssey offers the following
summary of those recommendations :
Agricultural sciences: Three
reps with 52 faculty (six per cent),
two undergraduate and one
graduate student. Elections to be
organized by student associations.
(This has been passed by senate.)
Applied Science: Sixteen reps
with 173 faculty (16 per cent), four
from the engineering undergraduate society and 12 from
various other departments and
programs. Elections procedures to
be arranged by students and the
administration. (Also passed.)
Arts: Twenty-three reps with 464
faculty (five per cent), limited to
honors, majors and graduate
students by department or school.
Art is the only faculty to recommend elections be conducted by
registrar.
Commerce and business administration: Eleven reps with 71
faculty (15 per cent) one first year,
two second year, five third and
fourth  year  students  and   three
graduate students. Elections to be
conducted by the commerce undergraduate society.
Education: Fifteen reps with 231
faculty (six per cent). No
recommendation on where reps
will come from or who will conduct
elections.
Forestry: Six reps with 43
faculty  (14  per  cent),   four  un-
dergraduates and two graduate
students. Elections to be conducted
by the forestry undergraduate
society.
Law: Twelve of 50 faculty (25 per
cent) from the law undergraduate
society by year. Elections by LUS.
This is the highest percentage
offered by any UBC faculty.
See Page 2: STATS
l-'K1
Mystery
group
offed
By MARK BUCKSHON
A mysterious organization
promising members annual incomes of $18,000 and more was
refused permission Wednesday to
rent SUB office space by Alma
Mater Society council.
The Ruth E. Potter foundation
will organize meetings in SUB's
conversation pit anyway, said the
organization's head, "Robert
Potter", Thursday.
"Potter" is really Robert
Thompson who appeared several
times last year in the SUB conversation pit with a baseball bat
and a set of apparently unrelated
business brochures. "Ruth Potter"
is actually his wife who lives in
Waterloo, Ontario.
"Potter" told The Ubyssey
Thursday: We have job opportunities paying $18,000 or more
for graduates of our program.
He said the opportunities are
related to "student placement and
financial development programs."
"We have 500 jobs for students,"
he said.
However, "Potter" said students
are not paid until they complete a
training program which rejects 90
per cent of the applicants because
they are "reductive persons".
Eight per cent of the applicants are
See Page 2: DESCRIPTION
UEL poll campaign start
The University Endowment Lands poll is the start
of an organized campaign to insure the UEL will stay
in its natural undeveloped state said Doug Brock,
Alma Mater Society internal affairs officer Wednesday.
The poll, which showed 54 per cent of UBC students
wanted the UEL to stay in its present state is "a
mandate for no housing" said Brock.
"Now the AMS' UEL committee can start.to
organize around this issue," he said. "We must
maintain a certain awareness of the issue both on
campus and off."
Brock is chairman of the UEL committee which is
made up of students and is designed to look into the
endowment lands issue.
"Up to this point no one has bothered to ask the
students their opinion," said Brock. "The committee
will send a copy of the results of the poll to Housing
minister Lome Nicolson to let the government know
how the students feel."
"We can now start talking with other community
groups interested in the UEL. We have to make it an
issue that the public will be aware of," said Brock.
AMS council Wednesday night endorsed a report
from the Dunbar-West Point Grey Endowment Lands
Committee in support of keeping the UEL in its
natural state.
The brief urged the preservation of the UEL as
parklands for recreational, educational and research
purposes.
The committee said in its report it is solely concerned with preserving a unique natural heritage for
the citizens of the Lower Mainland.
The report also says that the UEL is irreplaceable
parkland and should not be sacrificed for temporary
relief from a housing problem requiring comprehensive, long-term solutions. Page 2
THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973
Philosophy discusses
UBC decision making
By DAVID FULLER
The nature of decision-making
at UBC and how it relates to
society in general was the topic at
a philosophy students' union
discussion Thursday.
Among the questions discussed
were: which university decisions
are made by the formal, legal
bodies and which by informal
arrangement; how these processes
should be changed and how the
university relates to the whole
society. The discussion was led by
anthropology professor Helga
Jacobsen and philosophy professor
Don Brown.
Jacobson outlined the current
formal structure of the university
as laid down in the 1963 Universities Act. The heirarchy of
authority from the top is roughly as
follows: the Board of Governors;
the president and senate, the deans
and faculties and finally departments. Students are not mentioned
in the act, except concerning their
discipline by the faculty council.
The board is responsible for
financial management and control
of UBC, appointment of the
president and deans, and it can
remove teaching staff but only at
the suggestion of the president.
She said the board determines
and collects fees and reports annually to the provincial government.
The president is responsible for
supervision and direction of UBC
and is chairman of the senate.
He appoints, promotes and
removes staff and faculty. The
faculties fix courses of studies and
exams but they are subject to
senate approval.
Stats continue on
From page 1
Medicine: Twenty-two reps with
291 faculty (eight per cent) eight
undergraduate, eight residents,
three rehabilitation medicine and
three graduate students. Elections
Description 'vague'
From page 1
"traditional" and two per cent are
"developmental" persons, he said.
"Potter" said his course takes the
"traditional" person and turns him
into a "developmental" one
through a series of stages. He was
vague in his descriptions of the
types of people and of the stages.
When asked about the source of
money for his organization, he
said: "Maybe I'm the man who
supplies all the money."
But since Vince Forbes, Better
Business Bureau head, said
Thursday he does not understand
the foundation's objectives and
financial sources, even though he
spoke with "Potter" a few weeks
ago.
However, Forbes emphasized
"so far he hasn't done anything
improper.
"We're waiting for some money
to change hands before we can do
anything at all," he said.
However, council decided
Wednesday night not to give the
foundation the rooms until more
was found out about it.
AMS treasurer John Wilson said
too little was known about the
foundation and he suspected it. He
said the bookings would be approved as soon as he learned more
about its operations.
to be conducted by the medicine
undergraduate society, and the
rehabilitation medicine society
with the residents and grad
students to be announced.
Science: Twenty-four reps of 358
faculty (seven per cent), 18 from
departments, three from the
science undergraduate society, one
from the general program and one
each from first and second year.
Election procedure to be decided in
consultation with departments.
Graduate studies: Thirty-five
reps of 1,176 faculty (less than five
per cent by agreement) by school
and department. Election
procedure not stated.
After much debate on approval
of the first two faculties senate
adjourned and will continue this
debate Dec. 12, a senate official
said Thursday.
Christmas?
For a child will be
born to us, a son
will be given to us;
and the government
will rest upon His
shoulders; and His
name will be called
Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God,
Eternal Father
Prince of Peace
. . . Christ.
FROM THE STAFF AT:
POINT
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224-3536
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JANUARY-APRIL 1974
EVENING CREDIT COURSES
THE UNIVERISTY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
The following extra-sessional credit courses begin the week of
January 7. Most courses begin at 7p.m.
Art Education
100(3)      Introduction to the Plastic and Graphic Arts
Mon. & Wed. (6- 10 p.m.)
Computer Science
200(11/2)    Elements of Computer Science - Wed.
(not Mon. as previously listed)
Education
383(r/a)   The School Library: Selection of Materials
Mon.
439(11/2)    Instructional Television: Non-Studio
Techniques — Tues.
English
201 (3)      A Survey of English Literature from Chaucer
to 1914-Mon. & Wed.
321(3)      Approaches to Poetry — Tues. & Thurs.
341(3)      The English Novel from Joseph Conrad
to the Present — Tues. & Thurs.
365(3)      Shakespeare — Tues. & Thurs.
452(1 !4)   Studies in American Literature — Mon.
French
306(3)       French Phonetics — Tues. & Thurs.
Political Science
200( 1V&)   The Government of Canada — Wed.
Sociology
210(3)      Canadian Social Issues - Tues.*
To be held from Jan. to June
* May be taken for credit in the
Criminology Certificate Program.
220(3)      Sociology of Life-Styles -
Tues. & Thurs. (begins Jan. 15)
Additional senior and graduate level courses in Education are
available in the late afternoon. For further information contact
the Faculty of Education.
For complete information and registration cards, part-time
students should phone Credit Courses, The Centre for Continuing
Education, 228-2181, local 251.
Students in the 1973-74 Winter Session who wish to enrol in
extra-sessional credit courses should complete a course change*
form and have it approved by their Faculty Advisor.
Fresh as a Flower - in Just 1 Houi
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2146 Western Parkway
Mon. - Fri. - 8-6
(in the Village — Near the Chevron Station)
228-9414 Sat. 9-5:30 Friday, November 30,  1973
THE      UBYSSEY
Page 3
Engineers are human
By LINDA HOSSIE
It's an experiment: two new humanities
electives for engineering undergraduates.
The courses are called The Living City
and Technology and Society and the purpose
is to alert future technicians to the fact that
around every technological project are
people and an environment and other factors worthy of consideration.
"Do a feature on it," the city editor said,
blithely unaware of my limitations.
My first experience with engineering
undergraduates was hearing their healthy,
conceited beer drinking chant or "We are!
We are! We are the engineers," the affirmation of their existence, further proved
when they dumped a squirming science
undergrad into the much-abused fountain in
front of the main library.
During my second year I had to walk by
the engineering building three times a week
on my way to a psychology class and listen
to engineering undergrads yahooing out the
window at rtie. Opinion of engineers then:
very low, maybe five out of a hundred.
Last year when I stole the Christmas song
book from the engineers' Santa Claus in the
Pit I had a chance to meet an actual
engineer face to face and discovered they
weren't so bad after all, at least not singly.
My views on technology are no better. I
consider the shoe-repair man next door to
the Kong Kong Kitchen in the Village to be a
technological wizard.
Maybe I was the wrong persons to send.
With those kinds of doubts in mind I'm
willing to accept the conglomerate opinion
of the professors involved as a measure of
the value of these humanities courses: they
all think it's a great idea with a few kinks to
be ironed out for next year when,
presumably, with two terms' experience
under their collective belts, the courses will
be a little less experimental.
Both courses involve a series of lectures
by guest professors and working technicians
and weekly seminars of no more than 25
students who discuss the lectures and other
relevant material.
Chemical engineering professor Norman
Epstein, chairman of the eight-man committee which drew up the proposals for the
courses in February, gave background
information.
The Living City or applied science 160 is
really the same course as urban studies 200,
entitled Cities.
"Urban studies has gone on for two years.
It's just the first time engineers have taken
it," he said.
The course is not compulsory for
engineers. It is what Epstein called a
preferred elective.
Seventy-five non-engineers and 170
engineers are taking the course this year, he
said.
The second-year course, applied science
260, is limited to 100 engineering students.
The course studies the concerns of the first
year course, how technology and people
function together in the urban structure and
environment, on a more philosophic, global
level.
The courses, approved by senate last
spring, are both run on a guest-lecturer-
seminar basis.
"I don't think we'll run it again next year
this way," Epstein said.
"It produces a fragmented course. It's a
nice smorgasbord but it doesn't add up."
Next year the course will involve fewer
guest lecturers and more attempt to have
coherence in the courses, he said.
Metallurgy prof. Fred Weinburg, head of
the 160 course, disagrees with Epstein's
conclusions.
The courses would lose relevance if less
outside, "real" resource people took part,
he said.
"The strongest ones (lecturers) are the
ones that have immediate and direct involvement in real problems," he said.
The seminars for the courses are headed
by one professor from applied science and
one professor from arts.
all of the professors contacted were enthusiastic about the courses and all had
individual complaints, agreeing on a slight
disappointment in student reaction.
"By and large I think it's satisfactory,"
Weinburg said.
"There are some significant problems.
There are no exams, only essays, so as far
as engineers are concerned, attendance at
lectures isn't top priority.
"In this sense I'm a little disappointed. I
thought they would attend more."
Dean of St. Andrew's, John Ross, said he
considers it worth what he is being paid just
to sit in on the 260 course but he is not
satisfied completely with student reaction.
"The students are not being required to do
more than listen," he said.
"I was very happy about the essays in
general. They would stack up with essays
one gets in any department in the university," he said.
"I'm a philosopher by trade and I don't
think the subject matter is sufficiently well-
defined and probably the subject appears to
the students to be a disintegrated mosaic."
English professor Kay Stockholder, one of
the 260 seminar leaders, said: "I think it's a
very good idea and a very necessary kind of
course. But there isn't enough time for it.
"We would like it to be more intense in
some ways.
"The students have so much of their time
already taken, their schedule in engineering
is so heavy," she said.
"We can change it (the 160 course) very
easily," Weinburg said. "All we have to do is
impose exams and test students on lecture
material.
"But that opposes the whole concept of the
student as an adult.
"I don't want to come out sounding as if
I'm down on the idea of the course but there
are just a lot of rough knots to work out,"
Epstein said.
"I think it will take another year to get
what we want."
Epstein said the 260 course is divided into
four rough sections dealing with four subject
areas which overlap:
• The impact of technology on people's
lives including the problems of installing
pipelines in the Arctic; the effect of factories on workers' thinking; and the James
Bay project.
• The question of decision-making — how
technological decisions are made.
• The ecology-technology connections
including the principles of ecology, oil spills.
• The whole question of human values
and future of technology including;
alienation, alternate social arrangements
for technology and ideology.
"Each of the students have to have undertaken a major project to examine one
aspect of technology," Epstein said.
"Usually it's something local, like the
ENGINEERS .. . before the age of reason.
planned expansion of the airport or the oil
spills here.
"You have to worry about more than the
problems of technology. You have to worry
about the whole realm of human activity
that is involved — the anticipated effects,"
he said.
"Problems like James Bay will continue
to come up. What we're hoping is that people
involved in technological work will be able
to see another point of view than the
technological imperative — the one that
says if you can do it, then do it."
Being a believer in the value of the
reporter in the field I dragged a friend of
mine by the scruff of his scruffy neck and
attended one of the 260 seminars.
I spied only one red jacket when I waslked
into the room although by the time the class
started there were also one red knapsack,
one red sweater with the number 77, and two
white stripes on the sleeve, one pair of red
sneakers and a kind of orange shirt. I admit
my attitude was poor.
Ore thing about reporters: they get sent
into the field for a day, into a field where
experts have rooted about for years and
really know their stuff.
Essentially the reporter is going to come
out with a rendering of the events at least
superficial unless she/he has embedded
her/himself into the same problem in the
same way as the experts which is difficult, if
not impossible, on a day's notice and which I
did not do, attending one class, simplistic to
the point of absurdity.
With that in mind some observations: The
group was discussing the Vancouver
Simulation Project, involved in drawing up
computer models of various urban systems
such as transportation, population housing
etc. to determine trends in these areas with
the objective of facilitating wise policy
making for the city.
Wot engineers think
Here  are  some   engineering   students'
comments on the two humanities courses:
* "The way it's being held is really rotten.,
So far I dislike it," second year student
Dave Perrella said.
"It's very unorganized. It needs a little
more backbone to it.
"It's sort of blah, that's the problem. It
gets to the point where you don't even want
to go to a seminar because you'll be bored,"
he said.
It's better than another physics or math
*     course, that's one thing," another second
year student, Jim Nastrom said.
"The course has had no focus up 'til now,"
he said.
"They're trying to change it. The thing is
it's a new course and we're in the process of
improving it."
One anonymous student said: "It's just
not interesting. I don't know about anybody
else but as far as I'm concerned, it's not
informative."
"The seminars are a waste of time," one
student said.
"They all start talking about saving the
world or something. Every time they talk
about saving the world. I'm serious, that's
all they talk about. I don't go any more."
"The projects are good," he said.
"They've given us special topics and you
can get down to basics."
"It's haphazard, especially the lectures,"
another student said.
"One week a guy comes and talks about
geography and the next week someone talks
about political science.
"I don't think it's such a good idea. There
are no exams either. It seems to me exams
would give you a bit more incentive.
"Everybody's trying to make it better but
don't get the idea everybody hates it," a
second-year student said.
"We like the course but we think it could
be improved, that's the only reason we
complain."
At the beginning of the seminar most of
the quests came from Stockholder who
cross-examined project director Drew
Thorburn as he explained the simulation
project.
Later on students began to sit forward in
their chairs and ask questions. There were
11 students, three faculty members and
Thorburn present.
My scruffy friend said he noticed one
student asleep and I noticed several
anxiously climbing into their coats when it
seemed likely the seminar was going to
draw to a close, but that's no different from
any seminar I've ever attended.
As Weinburg said about the seminars, in
any seminar there will be about 25 per cent
of the students who don't give a damn, 50 per
cent who are just doing the work and getting
by, and 25 per cent who are really interested.
"There were too many Goddamned profs
there," Epstein said about the seminar.
"Only about half the seminar students
showed up. It's not usually that weighted.
The imbalance is not normally as great as it
was. A couple of the more vocal and articulate students weren't there."
Certainly the professors of the courses
agree the students are doing good work.
Julius Kane, who teaches the ecology
course attended by the 160 students said:
"The engineers have really floored me.
They've turned in projects that are five
times the work I had any right to expect."
Ross said: "I think these courses are one
of the most forward looking steps that could
be taken on the technological side of the
campus and I'd like to see all the
technological people on campus doing
similar things and the arts people taking
more interest in the technological people."
This is happening. The arts professors
taking part in the courses are gung-ho.
Professors involved in the 160 course are
Walter Hardwick, geography; Axel Meisen,
chemical engineering; T. H. Alden,
metallurgy; Catherine Wisnicki, architecture; N. R. Risebrough, metallurgy;
Fritz Bowers, electrical engineering; B. A.
•Dixon, electrical engineering; Tony Lloyd,
social work; L. G. Krouch, mineral
engineering; A. N. MacDonald, history; G.
R. Brown, civil engineering; T. N. Adams,
mechanical engineering and course head
Fred Weinberg, metallurgy.
Seminar leaders in the 260 course are
Norman Epstein, chemical engineering and
Kay Stockholder, English; Ed Levy,
philosophy and Carl Bury, mechanical
engineering; Bill Armstrong, metallurgy
and John Ross, dean of St. Andrew's.
Professors encourage students to take
part. Stockholder asked for opinions on how
papers should be presented during the
seminar.
The students'* initial reserve is always
there to overcome. Page  4
THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973
Rag gives
gifts to spite
Every year about this time we are moved by Christmas
spirit to demonstrate once again our basic Christian charity
to our fellow human beings.
Perhaps it's the lights and bright decorations already
festooning the windows of the Gage Tower despite the fact
that its only the last week of November. Perhaps it's
because we are busy wrapping up the first half of a busy
publishing year, proud but relieved at the completion of a
job well done.
On the other hand it could be those 30 cases of a
certain unmentionable Christmas spirit we're having trucked
in for the office party today.
But what ever the reason, constant venting of spleen is
unhealthy so today we're going to re-enact the old "it's
better to give to receive," routine and hand out our annual
Christmas gifts.
While they don't represent much of a cash outlay,
remember it's not the gift; it's the thoughtlessness that
counts.
To Bill Awmack and all the gang down at Student
court: two powdered wigs and a herd of kangaroos.
To arts dean Doug Kenny: one bronzed plaque with
the motto "Le faculty c'est moi".
To classics head and campus curmudgeon Malcolm
McGregor: 400 acres of cotton, a house with white pillars
and his name spelled correctly on the doorpost. Malcolm
McGregor, Malcolm McGregor, Mai	
To Alma Mater Society treasurer John Wilson: one
electric abacus.
To self-proclaimed 15-year-old, Guru Maharaj Ji:
puberty.
To soon-to-retire UBC administration president Walter
Gage: a plaque matching Kenny's with the motto "Apres
moi c'est le deluge."
To deputy president Bill Armstrong, rumored to be
front runner for Gage's post: A copy of Dale Carnegie's
How to Win Friends and Influence People.
To the UBC senate (God bless em): a set of waffle
irons.
To housing director Leslie Rohringer, the least
accommodating person in the world: the Holiday Inn
franchise for Point Grey.
To UBC information services director Arnie Meyers
and UBC PReports editor Jim Banham: A copy of How to
Write Good: The Ubyssey Style Guide.
To WRec UBC director Ed "serious athletes only"
Gautschi: a parchesi game, three decks of cards and a Ouija
board for WRec UBC's ever-expanding leisure empire.
To bookstore manager Bob Smith: a copy of Abbie
Hoffman's Steal This Book.
To the Young Socialists: a copy of The Revolution on
$5 a Day, and a Mickey Mouse watch that runs backward.
To the entire engineering faculty: 40 Pit tokens.
To Alma Mater Society president Brian Loomes: a
copy of Without Marx or Jesus autographed by Stan Persky.
To Uganda's court jester Idi Amin: the Asian flu.
To England's pride, the royal couple Anne and Mark:
ride-in roles in The Roy Rogers and Dale Evans story.
To our courting premier, Dave Barrett: a copy of
Option for Quebec, autographed by Robert Bourassa.
To Hardial Bains, chairman of the Communist Party
of Canada (Marxist-Leninist): lifetime membership in the
Vancouver Club.
To B.C. education commissioner John Bremer: just
what he gave us, absolutely nothing.
To Georgia Straight owner Dan McLeod, the last of the
hippies: a haircut and a job.
To prime minister Pierre Turdeau: a Simon Fraser
University faculty guide.
To the Alma Mater Society council, Richard Nixon,
Bill Bennett, Spiro Agnew, Rene Levesque, the B.C. Lions,
the Vancouver Blazers, the Vancouver Canucks and
everyone else who is low in the standings: a recording of the
Beatles Greatest Hits including: Sgt. Pepper's Lbnely Hearts
Club Band, Yesterday, You know My Name? I'm Down,
Yer Blues, Helter Skelter, Twist and Shout, Nowhere Man,
Money Can't Buy Me Love, Ticket to Ride, Help! I'm a
Loser and The End.
To the students of UBC: none other than Canada's
finest thrice-weekly student newspaper (West of False
Creek).
To the Ubyssey staff: booze, bylines, an end to the
innocence of youth and press cards to stick in the bands of
their felt hats.
Letters
Hot
In reply to Deborah Court's
complaint about temperatures in
the main library (The Ubyssey,
Nov. 22) staff in the library and
physical plant are aware of the
problem and are trying to do
something about it.
The high temperatures in the
stacks are caused by poor ventilation as well as by overheating.
Apparently, maintaining acceptable temperatures in some of
the more cavernous areas of the
old building causes temperatures
to build up in the stacks, and the
present ventilation system is not
capable of preventing this from
happening. There is some hope
that improvements will soon be
made to increase the capacity of
the air circulation system so that
more fresh air is drawn into the
stacks.
We know from the almost daily
visits of the heating engineer that
keeping the system balanced in the
main library is nearly impossible,
but we will try to ensure that
radiators in the stacks are turned
off as well. How this will affect
other parts of the building remains
to be seen.
As far as Sedgewick is concerned, we have had far more
complaints about low temperatures than about overheating.
As soon as it drops below 70
degrees, students begin putting on
their coats and lining up to complain. Perhaps in theory the
temperature should- be kept at 65
degrees   for   improved   "mental
activity", but in practice we know
most students would find that too
cool for extended periods of study.
D.N. Mclnnes
assistant librarian
public services
Mid East
The area maps of the Middle
East which Hillel House has been
publishing anonymously in your
pages are misleading in their
implications, though car-
tographically accurate. They show
a tiny Israel surrounded by immense Arab neighbors (dark
colours) obviously ready to engulf
her. Why, the map seems to ask,
can't they let her have that tiny
piece of land and live in peace?
Well, 'peace,' as Benito Juarez
observed, 'is respect for the rights
of others,' and so far that has not
been Israel's strong suit. But there
are other reasons as well, and
perhaps the Hillel House cartographers could help us understand them.
They could publish a map por-
trahing the arable land in the
Middle East, which would show
Israel in possession of the 'land of
milk and honey,' surrounded by
(mostly) desert. That might make
the Arab 'obsession' a little more
comprehensible.
Or, they might produce a series
of maps of Zionist expansion in and
beyond Palestine: land owned by
Zionists in 1947 (6 per cent of
mandated Palestine); land allotted
the Zionists by the U.N. in 1947 (54
per cent); land occupied by Israel
at the 1949 cease-fire (about 80 per
cent); and Israel in 1967 and today
(100 per cent plus parts of Syria
and Egypt). That could shed some
light on Arab 'paranoia' about
Israeli territorial ambitions.
Or they could publish a global
map showing the main Jewish
communities in the world sending
Israel money and men, pressuring
their governments and molding
public opinion.
But perhaps the best course
would be to admit that maps, like
statistics, can lie, that they distort
'truth' by selecting the 'reality'
they want to depict.
The Hillel maps exaggerate the
Arab menace to Israel by implying
that the Arab world is monolithic,
which is absurd; most of the Arab
nations depicted entered the wars
of 1967 and 1973 only on the
rhetorical level, if at all. Arab
unity is a bad joke.
The maps could be prophetic,
though: continued long enough,
Israel's present policies may bring
about the unified Arab hostility
now falsely proclaimed.
Let's hope not.
R. W. Bevis
english department
Need
TMU8YSSEY
NOVEMBER 30, 1973
Published    Tuesdays,    Thursdays   and    Fridays   throughout   the
university year by the Alma Mater Society of the University of
B.C. Editorial opinions are those of the writer and not of the AMS
or the  university  administration.  Member,  Canadian University
Press. The Ubyssey publishes Page Friday, a weekly commentary
and review. The Ubyssey's editorial offices are located in room
241K of the Student Union Building.
Editorial  departments, 228-2301; Sports, 228-2305; advertising,
228-3977
Co-editors: Vaughn Palmer, Michael Sasges
I wish to make a brief statement
on a topic, as urgent as Arabs and
Jews. So urgent that it commands
our immediate attention. Replies
from all takers would be appreciated.
Ever since I quit fucking,
fighting, smoking and masturbating when I was five years old, I
have been feeling the need for
something, some kind of
satisfaction (or is that sadist
faction). It is because of this need,
I mistakenly waste time in pursuit
of things which, I am willing to
believe, will satisfy my need. My
need is always out of reach. I come
so close but by and by I become
weary blowing my load so to speak,
and then my need is gone further
than ever.
My need, I need you; without
you, need, life has no need of me,
and if I ever catch you need. . . .
Kevin Lynch
science 3 Friday, November 30,  1973
THE      UBYSSEY
Page 5
Parity
The pool planning committee
(The Ubyssey, Nov. 23) is not the
only committee at UBC on which
elected students have parity with
the   administration!   The   single
Letters
student residences co-ordinating
committee set up by the board of
governors in June has been
meeting each week this term. It
makes decisions and policy affecting Gage Towers, Place
Vanier, and Totem Park. So far it's
been a model of caution, but soon it
r
THE CHRISTMAS MASTHEAD ,
(A book report)
Author: Polski O'Gorkie, (dill) 1905-1902.
Critique: Not bad actually. I've read worse. A few good whack-off bits,
five whole chapters devoted to leathers and vaseline, and one of the nicest
canteloupe-embalming scenes ever written on the flyleaf.
SYNOPSIS: Three Siamese twins born twenty miles and five days apart,
Mike "Divine Whisk-Broom" Sasges and Vaughn Palmer, who wears a
begonia on his face are stolen by the gypsies and reunited at puberty. God
knows why. Michael suggests they have a party, and Vaughn suggests they
run on the Socred ticket. Sensing some communication gap, they are visited
by Ken Dodd, who describing himself as 'an old friend of the family',
undertakes to buy the twins — the other one died — and adopt them as his
maiden aunts twice removed.
Incensed at this apparent slight, Lesley Krueger, 'a younger old friend
of the family' defaces a nearby curb in a furious kamikaze dive with her car
Fidel who dies of frostbite. Meanwhile Gary Coull, is born a virgin on a
faraway hill and waits for the Immaculate Conception.
Hearing at length of evildoers running amok among mortal men,
supreme commander of the salvation army citadel Linda Hossie — she is kind
and gentle for a girl in uniform — sweeps down and eats a rat while Peter
Duffy checks out his subordinate clauses.
During the scene the onlooking Sharon Stevenson notes decadence is
not confined to the rat world and she undertakes to persuade alchemist and
part-time hemmorroid sufferer Jake van der Kamp to turn the Dru and Kent
Spencer bourgeoisie into five quarts of cream cheese. Gordon Mullin and
Christine Krawczyk, by the by, become Chilean nuns in a vague attempt to
lure the phlegmatic Boyd McConnell and the choleric Ben Gelfant from their
machine gun roosts atop an Ex-law delivery truck.
The ever-vigilent Denise Massey, spotting a cockroach on a very
embarrassing part of Art Smolensky's light meter, smothers the filthy beast
with a fistful of canned meat. Somewhat repelled by the huge greasy stain
left on Smolensky's camera case, Ryon Guedes slanders a very famous
soliloquoy (i.e. "Out Spam dot.")
Prudence Ramsbottom and Arnie Banham, who are rumored to be
employees of the murderous Colon-Gnasher sect, disclose their plans to rid
the world of all scum and nasty cuts by declaring flesh-colored band-aids
illegal. A rebellion ensues among apprentice pederasts Bjorn Stavrum, Nick
Stone and Barry Grannary who call for government restrictions on bunion
pads and ingrown hairs. Wild-eyed cossacks subsequently ride Cheryl Stevens
and David Fuller into town and exact drastic measures, standing Kathy Baird
and Pat Kanopsky headfirst in a pile of festering suet and plunging Mark
Buchshon's thumbs into the bowels of a flatulent duck.
Village entrepreneurs John Dufort and Sue Inglis sell pieces of
Buckshon's thumb to interested merchants, as Marise Savaria, queen of
daguerrotypists, does a huge pictorial on dung gift ideas for Esquire
magazine. Her co-workers Larry Manulak, Peter Cummings, Don Peterson
and Greg Osadchuk, expose themselves.
Keeping in mind the old adage that taste is tantamount to art, the other
lens jockeys, J. Nakagawa, Hans Buys, Steve Yew and Marc Hamilton argue
over what exposure they should be using.
Suddenly out of an abandoned athletic supporter factory, forgettable
character Rick Lymer lunges into the fray, breathing inanities and claiming
all transvestites as dependents on his income tax. Subdued by Don Hubbert
a.k.a. Pookie the Bunny, and Ralph Maurer, he gradually gives way to
unconsciousness while Peter Leibik makes a wide incision in his cranium
with a half-sharpened pair of skates and Tom Barnes inserts a small leg of
lamb. Distressed by Lymer's sheepish grin, Alan Doree injects him with a
hormone shot originally meant for Joan Schwartz. Lymer gooses Ron
Konkin and asks him to elope with him to a place where they can make
beautiful angora socks together. Moe Sihota tries to restrain him, but Lymer
manages to eat Bruno Centura's pullover. He expires, and while being
dragged away his voice trails off incoherently with murmurings of lanolin
and Anglela Dribble.
But a thundering iambic pentameter interrrupts the tranquility of the
funeral service, as Stephen Morris, resplendent in rawhide and chainmail and
stradd ing a huge, gaping stallion, bellows the bloody Aesthete's Battlecry
and comes down like a wolf on the fold, slaughtering cynics left and right
with his trusty sword Elmer. Close at his heels trot Bernard Bischoff the
terrible and Ed Cepka the constipated. Clad in gleaming cuirasses and
executive-length socks, Rob Harvey and Linda Reed join the seething mess
of dismembered and flying anal excretions and Kathy Ball hastily covers the
partially-decomposed Jay Saint with lime.
Raising his austere head from his bowl of elk-flavored granola, Eric Berg
sees his quiet hermit-like existence on muddy water and thistles disturbed by
the chaotic activity going on outside his hollow leg. Threatening the gallant
knights Lance of Ware and Gordon of Montador, who stood knee-deep in
decayed earwigs, he scolds them for ruining his dinner.
In Spain, meanwhile, Michael Volpe and Kathy Baird sense the threat
the Spanish Armada poses toward the Ethiopian Light Hussar and
Dog-swapping Brigade.
While mercenaries Katrina Von Flotow, Geoff Hancock and Sarah Ellis
prepare to engage the fleet in a fierce navel battle in the Sargasso Hotel, Paul
Sterchi and Manabendra Bandyopadhyay plot the demise of the cancerous
and unsanitary banana republic despot Jim Millar. Brent MacKay, knowing
the end is near, pulls his own entrails out with a pipe cleaner. Ian Spence
whets his sword, and Bruce Ralston wets himself. Joanne Gilbert stares into
space. Suddenly the comet Kahoutek deviates from its ordained celestial
path and destroys all life on earth.
Leo Tolstoy eat your heart out.
must come to grips with very real
issues.
A sub-committee, ably chaired
by Ricki Anderson (Place Vanier
women's chairman) is studying
organization within the residences
to see whether the traditional
system of dons, resident fellows
and student councils is still the
most effective. Should housing
employ senior students as advisors
to residence students, or should
elected councils now carry the full
responsibility which is shared
presently by between advisors and
councils? What will make for the
best life in residences?
It's a big job — 3,500 or so
residents are affected.
Steve Mochnacki
president,
Totem Park residence association
Stanford MBA
REPRESENTATIVE
COMING TO CAMPUS
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 7
A representative of the Stanford Graduate School of
Business will be on campus to discuss with interested
students the exceptional educational opportunity of
the Stanford MBA Program.
Appointments may be made through
The Office of Student Services
The Stanford MBA program is a two-year general
management course of studies designed for highly
qualified men and women who have majored in
liberal arts, humanities, science, or engineering, and
wish to develop management skills to meet the broad
responsibilities which will be required in both the
private and public sectors in the future.
THE STANFORD UNIVERSITY
GRADUATE SCHOOL OF BUSINESS
Stanford, California 94305
Yeuch
Among the evils you did not
exorcise in your "Time for a crap"
editorial (The Ubyssey, Nov. 21),
you did not blast those caddish
professors who prohibit masturbating. I am one of those cads. I
refuse to grant masturbators the
right to pollute any space I happen
to be in charge of.
I do of course concede the right
of masturbators to foul up their
own sheets with the consequent
risk of blindness.
Now I feel impelled to make a
confession; one that I wouldn't
want the registrar to hear about.
When I am assigned to oversee an
examination where students are
known to me personally, at half
time I permit the addicts present to
take five or six savage strokes and
retire from the examination room
to relieve the turgidity.
I guess this betrays my concern
for the poor devils deprived of their
crutch.
And maybe that just slushy
sentimentality on my part.
R. W. MacDonald-Duck
censor
This incredibly tasteless letter
was not written by any Ubyssey
staff member but due to a request
from the authors we have been
forced to use the above
pseudonym, though actually their
names are R. Carruthers and G.
Flynn, science 3—Eds.
Public Service Canada
SUMMER EMPLOYMENT
1974
THIS COMPETITION IS OPEN TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN
Apply now if you are interested in Career-Oriented Summer
Employment opportunities with the Federal Government.
In the summer of 1973 students from British Columbia were
employed in Career-Oriented positions with the following
government departments and agencies:
Canadian Penitentiary Service
Consumer & Corporate Affairs
Energy, Mines & Resources
Indian & Northern Affairs
Industry, Trade & Commerce
Manpower & Immigration
Ministry of Transport
National Health & Welfare
National Parole Board
Public Service Commission
Public Service Staff Relations
Regional Economic Expansion
Secretary of State
Supply & Services
National Revenue, Customs & Excise
Unemployment Insurance Commission
* Students were placed in several locations in British Columbia
and the Yukon and also in Ottawa.
Note: Students from ALL faculties are invited to apply.
ELIGIBILITY: All full-time students intending to return to
university in 1974-75. Appointments as a result of this
competition are subject to the provisions of the Public Service
Employment Act.
TO APPLY: Submit a UCPA form (available at your Placement
Office - Office of Student Services) and a list of courses taken,
to:
Public Service Commission of Canada
203 - 535 Thurlow Street
Vancouver, B.C.
V6E 3L4
CLOSING DATE: January 15,1974
FURTHER INFORMATION available at your placement office.
COMPETITION 74-4200
Agriculture
Auditor-General
Communications
Environment
Finance
Information Canada
National Defence
National Museum
Post Office
Public Works
R.C.M.P.
Statistics Canada
Veterans' Affairs
Urban Affairs
DUAL SERVICE
STATION
4305 W. 10th (at Discovery)
SELF-SERVE ISLAND
SAVE * SAVE * SAVE 4c OFF PER GALLON!
It's easy, almost automatic. Drive in and serve
yourself. Overhead canopies protect you from rain
or snow.
FULL SERVICE ISLAND
Have an attendant clean your windshield, check
your oil, battery, water, tires and fill your gas
tank.
Mon. thru Sat.: 7 a.m. - 12 midnight
Sun.: 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Page 6
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973
One control for health care
when Bill 81 comes in
By DRU SPENCER
All health care in British
Columbia will come under one
control when Bill 81 becomes an
act April 1,1974, said UBC prof, Dr.
John  McCreary  in a  lecture  to
students Thursday.
Under Bill 81 the control of
health care will come under a
corporation of eight to 15 members
Barber tells AMS:
'throw me out'
By GORD MULLIN
"They'll have to throw me out
bodily," barber George
Ponomarenko told The Ubyssey
Thursday.
Ponomarenko was referring to
the Alma Mater Society's notice of
eviction given him Nov. 21. He runs
the barber shop in the SUB
basement.
Ponomarenko said his business
has been falling off for several
GSA posts
on council
acclaimed
Keith Dunbar and John Dwyer
have been acclaimed as Graduate
Student Association representatives on Alma Mater Society
council.
Dunbar, an education grad
student, and Dwyer, a graduate
history student, were the only two
nominees up to the Monday
deadline.
Both were at council Wednesday
night, along with GSA president
Heather Wagg.
years because of long hair styles
and he has been forced to lay off
the other barbers who used to work
for him.
The AMS action will shut him
down completely with nowhere to
go, he claims.
When asked what he will do Jan.
1, the date he is supposed to move
out, Ponomarenko said. "I'll come
to work as usual. I got nowhere to
go"
AMS council discussed the
situation Wednesday and treasurer
John Wilson said if Ponomarenko
doesn't move out the AMS might
put a chain across the doors of the
shop. Wilson also said the AMS
might store the barber chairs till
Ponomarenko comes to pick them
up.
When told of this new development Ponomarenko said: "If they
put a lock on the door I'll put a
chair in the hall. All those people
upstairs don't pay for space."
The tables for the arts and crafts
displays in the main corridor of
SUB are rented out at $2 a day.
Ponomarenko claims he has only
been given one months notice but
Wilson claims formal notice came
40 days before he had to move out.
Also his five-year lease expired
in July and he has been in SUB on a
month to month basis ever since.
Season's Greetings
from the
MM ROYAL BANK
the helpful bank
UNIVERSITY AREA BRANCH
Dave Stewart — Manager
Terry Cotton    — Loans
10th at Sasamat
224-4348
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appointed by the lieutenant-
governor in council.
The main aim of the bill is to
establish and operate a medical
and health sciences centre in
Vancouver, McCreary said.
"The bill cuts across the
University and Colleges Act
because training schools and
courses for medical, and paramedical people and nurses will
come under its jurisdiction."
"Granting diplomas and certificates upon completion of
training courses is also controlled
by the Bill," he said.
"The organization of public
educational activities on the health
and treatment of ill or disabled
persons and medical research
relating to preventing and treatment of human illness and
disability, will be taken over by the
government," he said.
"Health professors weren't
doing their jobs according to the
federal government and this is one
reason that training programs for
students were taken over," he said.
"The bill gives the corporation
the power to purchase, lease or
acquire property."
A provincial council comprising
the corporation, regional and other
representatives appointed by the
lieutenant-governor will be set-up
to study the requirements for
medical operations in the province,
he said.
The council will review and
make recommendations to the
health and education ministers
respecting proposals for building
and equipping, training facilities in j
the health field.
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Thursday, December 6
Chemistry 250
Sponsored by the Graduate Student Association Friday
loohs at the many faces
of Santa,
plus Peter Duffy's Odyssey
—jim miliar cartoon
—marise savaria photos Ethnic Xmas
Tinselled and tasselled . .. distinctly ethnic.
—marise savaria photo
When I was five years old I wanted a
Christmas tree. The fact that I was Jewish didn't
bother me. So what? The corner Christmas tree
man wouldn't mind if I bought one. But for some
reason or other my mother did not share my
liberality.
I remember bundling alongside her one
Montreal afternoon. I could smell the pines a
block away. "Cun we buy a curstmas tree?" I
asked. Mother insisted my scarf cover half my
face, so my speech and breathing was somewhat
impaired. In fact, hooded over by a thick blue
snowsuit.and cuffed by unmanageable mittens
(a sly prevention against snow balls) I was a
minor sensory deprivation experiment. "No"
was my muffled answer.
I couldn't understand. Larry next door had
one. Arnold across the street had one. Avrum
upstairs had one. Why was I deprived? "Jewish
people do not celebrate Christmas," was all she
said. Why that meant I couldn't have a tree I still
did not understand, but for the first time I understood I was Jewish.
Being Jewish meant Channukah. Which
wasn't quite the same thing. Channukah meant
gelt. Lighting candles. Polishing the menora.
But no Christmas tree.
I was seven years old when we moved to
Chomedey. Chomedey was a newly created
suburb. It must have had a special attraction,
because a third of Montreal's Jewish population
came with us:
When you're eight years old ethnic origins
aren't very important. Everybody was equal,
but not on Jewish holidays. Which made the
"other" kids envious because we had the best of
both worlds: days off in September and holidays
in December.
And I had my Christmas tree.
My first was in grade two. In the back corner
of the room. Decorated like you'd expect a tree to
be decorated by 38 kids in two art periods. And
smelling . . . divine.
Everyone would buy a gift for the one
classmate they would draw from a hat of names,
tradition which persisted throughout my
elementary years. Agony was picking Alexander, or getting picked by Freda. But there were
ways. My girl-friend Joyce traded with her best
friend Ellen for my name. I found out by bribing
Ellen's Helen. However, Howard told Joyce I
traded with Caroline for Suzie. Grade four
wasn't my best Christmas.
I became aware of social pressures in grade
four. That's when I asked mother again for a
tree.
"What would your friends say?" Which
meant what would her friends say. "Where
would we put it?" Which meant where would we
hide it. "Grandma and grandpa would die."
Which meant forget it.
The only indication that Christmastime came
to Chomedey was the weather. I could walk for
blocks without seeing a coloured light, crimson
Santa or decorated tree. Yet across Labelle
Blvd., in the French section, the world was alive
with festivity and song. The rest of Chomedey
was in mourning.
Except for one family on my'street. A French
family. Our only bright light in the December
sky. Jesus Christ had come to Dover Drive. The
neighbours never said anything. Nobody spoke of
it. They preferred to ignore the electric blue fir
tree on the lawn (I'm sure it grew a foot a year
just for spite), the huge red Santa, sleigh and
nine reindeer on the roof. It destroyed the
street's continuity.
My high school, Chomedey Protestant High
School, had both. A Christmas tree on the right
and a Channukah bush on the left of the entrance.
That was in my school which was changed to
Chomedey Polyvalent High school because 85 per
cent of the students were distinctly non
Protestant.
Don't think we were anti-Christmas. Quite the
opposite. My family enjoyed the atmosphere of
merriment and excitement. Every Christmas
eve we would drive through Hampstead to
marvel at the displays.
Perhaps that's why I wander restlessly every
Christmas eve. I go to midnight mass. Peering
into houses, I study the warmth within. I travel
great distances looking, searching. I haven't
seen Chomedey for years. I haven't been to a
synagogue in years.
But I can't buy a Christmas tree.
Steve Morris
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| B.C. Dir.
SHOW TIMES
GRANVILLE 12:15,2:10,4:05,
685-6128 6:00,  8:00, 10:00
Coronet
srarnng Donald Pteasence
and Christopher Lee
ELLIOTT GOULD*
"THE LONG GOODBYE"
Odeon
• 81   GRANVILLE
682-7468
Directed by ROBERT ALTMAN
The man who gave you "M.A.S.H."
SHOW TIMES: 12:30, 2:45, 5:00, 7:15, 9:30
MATURE: Some violence and coarse language.
 —R. W. McDONALD, B.C. Dir.
ANOKMA\ JI WISON Film
JESUS CHRIST 20th
SUPERSTAR"
CAM8IE at   ISlh
876-2747
General
SHOW TIMES:
7:30, 9:30
SUNDAY MAT. 2 P.M.'
th Week ^T*
dm
"SUPERB*
Time Mag.
^teme^
MA.
Varsitu
224-3730»»
4375 W. lOlh
" I It        GENERAL
"SENSATIONALLY FUNNY!". -L.A. Times
SHOW TIMES: 7:30, 9:35
SUNDAY MATINEE
Varsitu
224-3730 •»
4375 W. 10th
SHAKESPEARE FESTIVAL
"KING LEAR"   b!ooRks
Starring PAUL SCHOFIELD
CURTAIN —2 P.M. —GENERAL
Page Friday, 2
THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973 Dick Mclane's guide to leisure presents:
Big city bargains
The Night Life
For the holiday season, Dick McLane's Guide to
Leisure looks at, and appraises, those elusive night spots
where one can usually find some Christmas cheer.
Merry Christmas.
DAVIE & BUTE — This highly popular spot has a tendency to move around. It usually stays however within a
two block radius. The fare is rated expensive but is
usually of good quality. One can find something to suit
one's tastes most of the time. Hours are around midnight
to well after three in the morning. Sorry, no credit cards,
but sometimes cheques will be accepted. ****
DAVIE & THURLOW — This spot has rather inconsistent hours. However, quality is quite good.
Sometimes one has to look in the back alley. Various
dishes available at prices comparable to the Davie &
Bute location, except only cash is accepted. Hours are
from about midnight 'til five in the morning. ***
GRANVILLE & DAVIE — The environment makes for
poor quality. Good place for bargain hunters. Prices are
moderate and hours short. Also, patrons should be
warned about old and stale products. Start looking
around nine in the evening. Closes around midnight.
Cash only, but spare change might do it. *
GRANVILLE & NELSON — This spot's action usually
happens around the middle of the block. Nothing
recommended and, although their stock is usually fresh,
it suffers from any sort of quality control. Hours are
from ten 'til two. Cash and carry. **
NELSON & SEYMOUR — This spot offers a wide variety
of exotic dishes. Very sophisticated and expensive. Well
worth it. Hours start as early as eight, but a better time
is from ten 'til two thirty. ****
PENDER & MAIN — This spot has been around for a
long time and suffers from a poor reputation. However,
one can usually find something suitable to one's tastes.
Prices are usually very high. So, wait until you see
something that you figure is worth the expenditure
because they all cost the same. Hours start around
ninish up until one thirty or two. **
ROBSON & SEYMOUR — This spot has a high concentration of exclusive personnel and caters to the same.
Prices were unavailable at press time. Hours are pretty
hard to pin down, but, in general, the evening is your
most likely bet. Sometimes Chargex, Amex, Carte
Blanche. ***
HASTINGS & COLUMBIA — A very popular spot, yet
mostly inexperienced. The decor of the area is rather
mousy, but prices are reasonable. Hours are good: Noon
'til four or five in the morning. Strictly cash. However,
one may trade in kind.
PENDER & COLUMBIA — Generally better than the
previous, despite their proximity. Offers fresher and
better quality. Ignore the surroundings. Hours are
usually from eight 'til two. Strictly cash. ***
KEEFER & GORE — This spot is usually a haunt of the
younger generation because it is sort of off the beaten
track, so to speak. However, the quality suffers from not
being in the limelight. One can usually pick up a good
deal. Prices are moderate and the hours are from ten 'til
two. ***
Dining tips
—Don't come too early because space is usually at a
premium as are the prices. If you go later, chances are
business has slackened and you get preferential treatment.
—Don't accept the first price. Try to bargain down and
arrive at a compromise.
—Uptown a car is usually the best mode of travelling,
however, across town parking isn't usually available, so,
try and walk.
—Never try and leave without paying. One usually has
to pay before being served, anyway.
—Don't carry all your money with you. Just the approximate amount and leave your wallet in a safe place.
. Letters
Dear Dick:
This is just to thank you for exquisite Guide to Leisure.
I work up here in Kitimat for long stretches at a time. I
found your guide indispensible for when I took my
holidays in Vancouver.
Please enter my subscription for a year.
I. M. Smelter
Dear Sir:
I was distressed with your appraisal of Hastings &
Columbia. Last month a buddy and I went down to the
spot and didn't find one. Where is this "spot" you
described in last month's issue?
M. R. Uxoria
As we endeavour to pin down thtfse "spots", it is rather
hard. Our only suggestion to youis to persevere.
Dear Dick:
As I am retired in Spuzzum, I never get back to Van,
my home town. However, thanks to your Guide to
Leisure I can still keep abreast of what's going on at my
old haunts. Keep up the good work.
Jack Ripar
Dear Dick:
I really enjoy your Guide to Leisure. I'm 16 years old
and I go with all my friends in my Chevy to look at all the
"spots". I think it's great for our edication [sic] to see
life like it really is. Right on.
Eddie Bruce
Tell it like it is, brother.
Dear Dick:
I wanna have twenty-five a your Guide to Leisures. All
my boys up here are dying to get a copy for the Christmas for when they go home. They all need it badly.
Please hurrying or else I gonna get killed.
M. E. Forrester
Personalities
Name: Santa Claus.
Occupation: 'Spreading happiness throughout the
world and promoting peace between everyone'.
Interests: 'Chiefly I work up north for the better part
of the year. Of course, around December I have to hustle
all over, especially near the end of that month. I guess I
enjoy flying quite a bit. Making toys is a pretty big thing
with me too.'
Pet Peeve: Kids who aren't good.
Will the Energy Crisis Hamper You: No, not really
because I don't really depend on gas or electricity for my
travels. Besides, reindeer are pretty economical.
What If You Were President Nixon: Defect. And, I'm
telling you, he isn't going to get any Christmas presents.
What Would You Rather Be: Nothing else, but myself.
Except, I'd like to get my instrument rating so I could
get my sled into Los Angeles, O'Hare, and J.F.K. That
smog is hard to fly in without the added hazard of Boeing
747'S.
What's Wrong With Society Today: Chimneys.
Nowadays, with electrical and natural gas heating,
there aren't very many chimneys around. I find it really
hard to get in and out of homes — especially apartments.
Your Future Plans: Oh, I won't change much; as far
as I can see. Maybe, if people begin to lose interest in me
and what I stand for, I'll just retire up here, in the north.
The only thing I'm really worried about are all the oil
rigs up here.
Boyd McConnell
The Persecution
and
Assassination of
SANTA CLAUS
as performed by
the inmates of
a toy shop
under the
direction of
BAR BY DOLL
THE LAST
It happened before Christmas. It happened one night after
the last customer had squeezed his parcels out of the show. It
happened unexpectedly. It happened in darkness. It happened
when Barby Doll the Last had enough.
She jumped from her shelf and shouted: "No more exploitation, put an end to alienation, fight for emancipation with
all your heart! Dolls, Teddy Bears and rubber pets of the world
unite!" Immediately a chorus of negro dolls yelled from the
lower shelves "Right on" and a row of Twist and Turn Waist
Dolls began to sing,
We are all pink and yellow
We are all dressed in purple and white
But the red banner we follow
—jim miliar cartoon
In the realm of playland . . . the revolution begins
There were shouts of approval. The sound of stamping
feet came from the plastic pet section. Seventeen cotton
monkeys were clapping their hands. "Yes, let's rise,
let's stand up," said Roily-Polly the tumbler, Jumping
Jack shouted: "No more pulling my leg, down with the
bearded, red coated creature who comes here every
morning to stuff us in his sack, he only buys poor in
nocent children's soul with us, no more of that!" But
while a Dress-me Doll bitterly complained about the low
temperature in the store, Barby Doll the Last had
climbed on a doll buggy to make a speech.
"Sisters and brothers: it is precisely this red-coat that
represents Uncle Sam and his puppet government that
Continued on pj 5
Friday, November 30,  1973
THE       UBYSSEY
Page Friday. 3 Merry neuroses
Kaiser Klaus ... a whole different bag.
—katrina von f lotow cartoon
Few people know how perverted Christmas
is. I decided to consult Freud and came to the
stark naked conclusion that Christmas is dirty.
And I am not the only one.
At this very moment studies are being done
by some of the top psychiatrists in North
America on the disgusting aspects of Christmas.
Their facts are startling. Indeed, Dr. Scrubutz,
the eminent psychiatrist at Squalsh University,
Newfoundland, states that Christmas has
become so obscene that people under eighteen
should not really be allowed to participate. He
says that the main corrosive element is Santa
Claus himself. One of his colleagues, Dr. Vinkle,
who resides in Traf, Manitoba at the institute for
The Mentally Inane (as a doctor) goes one step
further. He claims that Santa Claus is an out an
out neurotic. However, in most cases the two
men agreed in principle and proved as far as I
was concerned how truly smutty Christmas is.
Essentially both doctors thought Santa Claus
was definitely very strange if not completely
mad. For example, they pointed out how
peculiar it is for an old, unmarried man to hang
around alot of little elves. And just where did
these elves spring from? I mean one doesn't just
come by alot of elves. But it is not just the elves.
There is also his odd fascination for reindeer.
And it might be noted here that beastiality is not
illegal up north due to the shortage of females.
"Vich," says Dr. Vinkle," could explain vhy
Rudolf's nose is so red." But there is more!
Ghastly more!
Dr. Scrubutz was able to obtain inside data
from one of Santa's top advisory elves whose
office is located at Matell Toys Ltd., N.Y. This elf
said that Santa never once changed his clothes.
He always wore red pant suit with high red boots
and a whip. Dr. Scrubutz, while realizing the suit
was a means of getting attention, pointed out
that the riding boots and whip indicated a
sadistic personality trait resulting from very
poor potty training. Dr. Vinkle, on the other
hand, said that in Traf a man wearing a red jump
suit and high boots indicated something else
entirely. The elf also claimed that Santa did not
run a union shop. And he often drove his employees, especially during December, to the
utter limits of exhaustion. Dr. Scrubutz, an
authority on megalomania, was quoted to have
said, "Zanta obviously zuffers from deluzions of
grandeur and it iz only a matter of time before he
takes over zee whole world!" It might be worth
mentioning here that Dr. Scrubutz received his
training during the war at Berlin University.
However, in one section of his report'Dr.
Vinkle also states that Santa could be considered
dangerous. The fact that one night every Santa
reverts from his reclusive, introverted personality to become an outgoing extrovert
suggests compulsive, schizoid tendencies. These
extreme tendencies lead him to break and enter
millions of homes by leaping down chimneys.
Behaviour such as this, Dr. Vinkle goes on and
on, certainly indicates if not an imbalanced
mind, a mind bent on rape. For it is obvious that
Santa Claus gets some kind of cheap thrill by
thrusting his erect body down long, narrow, dark
shutes.
However, Dr. Scrubutz disagrees. He writes
that the chimneys represent the anal Santa
never had. Dr. Vinkle then counters this
argument by pointing out that the little presents
Santa leaves are obviously symbolic of sperm.
Dr. Scrubutz, on the other hand, thinks if
anything they are symbolic of his droppings and
not sperm. Yet even though they do not always
see eye to eye both men do think that something
must be done. And soon!
People are allowing their children to become
involved in the perversions of Christmas with no
thought to their moral upbringing. They allow
them to play with his sex-crazed toys — boobie
Barbie dolls and electric trains (with tunnel).
They let them hang out stockings, an acting out
of penis envy (even by those that have them) if
ever there was. Not to mention the licking of
phallic candy canes. Oh it is all too much!
Dr. Vinkle and Dr. Scrubutz have filed their
reports to the FBI and the CBC and are waiting
anxiously for some action to be taken. Dr.
Scrubutz says it is only a matter of time now
before Santa is arrested. Asked about what the
reaction of the nation would be if Santa was
jailed they both thought a state of emergency
would have to be called. Dr. Vinkle said, "Ve
have to get rid of thees man and se great he has
over people." Both men said they would willingly
head a committee to deal with the number of
distraught people there would be. Such
dedication in such times is truly marvellous!
Joanne Gilbert
BLUES SHOW
»- *$.
rV^R
WILLIE   /
AND THE
CHICAGO ALLSTARS      *-
and also
JOHN LEE HOOKER
P.N.E. GARDENS .
Wednesday, Dec. 5,8pm    \<J~^'
Tickets at the Thunderbird Shop
and all Concert Box Office Outlets
*m*&m
SPAGHETTI HOUSE LTD.
4450 West 10th Ave.
Hot  Delicious Tasty Pizzas
- 22 DIFFERENT FLAVORS -
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FREE DELIVERY - Right to Your Door,
[Phone 224-1720 - 224-6336 I
HOURS - MON. to THURS. 11 a.m. to 3 a.m.
_FRI. & SAT. 11 a.m. to 4 a.m. - SUNDAY 4 p.m. to 2 a.m..
The Last Picture Show
The Last Picture Show
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, The Last Picture Show
The Last Pict
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I The Last Pict
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STILL IN
SUB AUD.
Fri.
7:00
8.9:30
Sat.
7:00
&9:30
Sun.
7:00
50'
S.u.b. FILM SOCIETY
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.Christmas!
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lis coming!
I ^ g
I Time to say goodbye for the holidays to all |
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I pletely. You could send them Christmas g
| cards ... or invite them to that big New |
g Year's Eve party. |
g Keeping in touch will be a lot easier with |
f Bird Calls — the U.B.C. Student Telephone g
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Only 75c at: I
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Ticket Office (S.U.B. Rm. 266), the Thunderbird Shop, 8
University Pharmacy and Mac's Milk in the Village. |
taw.
8
I
Page Friday, 4
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973 Stoned Xmas in Kabul
Christmas is not officially celebrated
in Afghanistan, the Central Asian
kingdom situated between Iran and
Pakistan. So when my wife and I were in
Afghanistan on Christmas Eve, we were
determined to find a practical substitute.
Christmas is not celebrated in this
Islamic country and yet we need a
Christmas, a Christmas which is a
necessary part of ourselves. We did not
feel like lampooning or parodying this
celebration and nor did any of the
travellers we met on that long road
between Europe and India. Everyone
was homesick.
Tap, a tall gaunt-featured American
from Colorado, who was going trekking
in Nepal, joked with the passengers on
the bus as we pulled into Kabul, the
capital city of Afghanistan.
"How's your Christmas shopping
going?" he said. The passengers, fierce
pirate looking Afghans with rifles and
turbans glared at him.
It was a cold overcast afternoon
Christmas Eve in Kabul. The mud under
our feet was rock hard. To the right of the
bus was a long hamster-coloured wall
where men were squatting urinating.
Hanging about were the ever present
carrion pigs — black flea shaped
creatures who lived on excretement. To
the left of the bus were wide open gutters
and beyond that people and donkeys on
the main street. A shifty looking man
offered to sell us hashish. We said no
because I already had a golf ball sized
piece which cost me 60c. Instead we
asked about a hotel. The man knew a
place where — he made a long hair sign
— the travellers went. We followed him
to the Helal Hotel.
It was incredible! Somehow
somebody had got hold of a scrawny
seven foot Christmas tree which was
decorated with a paper chain, coloured
light, and cotton snow. On the wall was a
poster torn out of a notebook. The Helal
was featuring "Western-Style Christmas
dinner — turkey, stuffing, mincemeat,
corn and roast potatoes U.S. $1." It was
so unbelievable after the strain of
crossing Turkey and Iran in the middle of
December that our minds were fuzzy for
quite a few minutes.
Christmas Eve was spent in an atmosphere of little impressions. We
walked around Kabul. Donkeys were
carrying cauliflower, mallard ducks,
hung by their wings in open air shops,
letter writers squatted under kerosene
lamps with tiny bottles of ink and quill
pens. We saw piles of mandarin oranges
with sharp green leaves and shopkeepers
swathed in thick Afghan coats with long
sleeves. We stamped our feet to keep
them warm and then we went back to the
hotel.
A slick westernized Afghan, who
looked like Woody Allen, wanted
somebody to go to a party with him. He
worked part-time at the American
Embassy teaching Pashto to the employees.
"The snack bar has hot dogs, milk
shakes and coca-cola," he said. Nobody
responded.
"I'll let you look at my copy of
Playboy," he then said, pulling the
magazine from under his tweed topcoat.
The issue was six months old. Under the
coat he wore blue jeans, a loud shirt and
a cowboy style belt with big buckle. He
looked like he was going to a square
dance. Nobody ever went to a party with
him because he was such a pathetic
creep.
Tap meanwhile was complaining. He
was running out of vitamin B-complex
pills. Tomorrow, he said, he was going to
the U.N. hospital to get a shot of
penicillin. He then invited us to share
some visions of sugar plums. He took out
his little meerschaum pipe, put in a pea
sized piece of hashish and began puffing
away. We watched the Christmas free by
candlelight as the pipe went around and
around and around. About a dozen people
were smoking in the dining room of the
hotel. Tap quit complaining.
We went back to our room. My wife
clipped a nativity scene from the back of
a cookie package with nail scissors. On
my tiny four transistor radio I picked up
a rhythm and blues station from Kuwait.
We were hoping for Handel's Messiah.
Christmas day was sunny and cool with
a bit of low cloud cover. We exchanged
gifts; Greek coins, a pair of woven camel
leather belts, hand made peasant socks.
Tap hard cooked some eggs on his
Swedish primus stove and made a honey
sandwich.  He brewed  some   tea   and
cracked the shells in the ashes and
matchsticks on the table. He got out his
hash-pipe and puffed on it.
"A very Merry Christmas," he said
between tokes. "A very Merry Christmas."
My wife and I tidied up our room. And
then I remembered a flower seller in the
street, a small boy with the grey karakul
cap of the Moslems.
I went out into the street to buy some
daffodils. I was afraid to let my wife go
by herself because her long blonde hair
always attracted attention. The sun was
so bright I had to screw up my eyes. The
air was heavy with dust from a camel
train. The dust shone golden in the
sunlight and through the haze caught a
wondrous vision of the East surrounding
me: the labourers with broken sandals
pulling heavy carts of bricks, the hot
burnt smells of kabobs, the cries of blind
beggers, a young voice shouting, "hey
mister, hey mister, shoeshine, five
afghanis." A donkey shoved rudely past
with a load of chubby garlics in burlap
bags, his owner flicking at his heels with
a long thin stick. A white bearded dark-
faced man stood on a corner with bright
red and black carpets on his shoulders.
Women glided by in green and navy
blue chaderis — the veiled robes, and
under their hems I caught a glimpse of
fashionable high heel shoes. This was my
own personal private Christmas Day and
it exhilerated me! I paid for the flowers,
probably far more than they were worth
because the young flower seller became
all smiles.
Back in the room we taped the nativity
scene to the window. In the distance we
could see young boys flying kites and the
dust coloured roofs of Kabul. Beyond that
we saw the 15,000 foot peaks of the Pamir
Mountains. We were incredibly homesick
and kept wondering what the family was
doing back home, some thirteen hours
previous. We decided to go for a beer.
There was no beer to be found in Kabul.
So we went to the Khyber Restaurant,
which is something like a Woolworth's
self serve. It is the ritziest place in Kabul
and there we had a cup of Lipton's Tea.
This we later learned was either
smuggled into the country from a
pilfered freighter in Bombay, or was
ordinary tea under a counterfeit Russian
label.
Back at the Helal, we treated our
friends to the U.S. one dollar special, and
suddenly Christmas Day was over.
The day slid away from us in a very
businesslike fashion. We were discussing
plans for India. A young Sikh boy, about
nineteen years old, with a turban like an
orange tugboat, came over to exchange
dollars for black market rupees. Our life
had shifted into another gear. But while it
lasted this was one of the most
memorable Christmases of all.
Geoff Hancock
Continued from page 3
are the enemies of the people. Against them we lift our
fists. We have to fight before it is too late. Look at us,
already they make us regimented like themselves. Just
look at us, one like the other. You teddy bears, there are
hundreds of you and all make the same 'meah' when
they stumble. Protest worthy bears, you have a right to
individuality. Look at us dolls, now we even have ben-
dable legs, but no more shall we stoop to smiling Santa
Claus, no, we shall unite and with the power of the oppressed we shall hang the hypocrite; the white cord
around his waist will serve that purpose just fine. Once
we get rid of him, we shall be able to drop out of that
puppet show!"
Barby had to shout at the top of her voice. Everybody
was very excited. Hangly-Tangly the marionette was all
in favour of taking the strings in their own hands. From
the lollypop stack, somebody screamed: "the world is
all candy and someday it will be sucked away!"
A plush monkey whispered to his pal who was rattling
a plastic banana against a toy car, "You know, Barby's
energy is not that surprising when you consider that she
is one of those pissing dolls. You know she gets squeezed
on her stomach all day, when they want to show her
bladder capacity.
"Jesus, yeah", replied the other, "being tickled all
day without moving at all!"
But just then, the noise made by all the puppets, dolls,
rocking horses and Donald Ducks became unbearable.
Even Drowsy Chatty Cathy with: the leaden plates under
her eyelids climbed out of her box, following Barby's call
to action.
Jack and Jill demanded the right to speak: "Have you
no more respect for our laws? Is order and security
nothing to you?" they asked in a melancholic voice.
Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy suggested that they all
sit down to a game of 'monopoly' or 'risk' like the nights
before. They pleaded to give their government another
chance and forget about the bloody killing of good
natured Santa Claus. But.their opposition was laughed
at.
"Those folk dolls never had no backbone," a piggy-
bank grunted, and all of the others just abhored the idea
of getting sucked into playing another game with those
reactionaries. Barby Doll at last was sure of her control
of the situation. She laughed and shouted: "If we °ver
listened to you guys, we would still go in rags. Oh no, if
you want to, you just keep on going getting smashed
against the wall by little spoiled brats, but we will smash
Santa Claus against the wall of hell now."
And just as the whole gang began to sing,
Santa Claus it's you we call
we bring thy kingdom to a fall,
the air started trembling, there was a breeze above their
heads, and a silky toy bird was circling around Barby. It
was Jonathan Livingstone Seagull who had been
practising by himself, far above the revolutionary
chatter. He dropped a note at Barby's feet. "The goal
lies beyond," it read, and Jonathan was off again by
himself, hungry, happy, learning.
Barby Doll the Last screamed after him, "What do you
think? This is not a Punch and Judy show like yours, We
are serious," and turning to her comrades she continued
"Let's go, brothers and sisters. We have to hide here
behind these stacks, half of us here, the other half behind
those Watergate game boxes. Just be patient till the
wasted red fox comes."
And indeed, a few hours later, when Santa Claus came
to stuff his sack full with toys, all of a sudden hundreds of
enraged dolls and puppets, hundreds of stuffed toy pets
tore him down, kicked his ass and stuffed him in his
sack.
But at the same time, countless jeeps, tanks, battleships, destroyers, rockets and fighting-planes began
creeping out of their boxes like millions of maggots out
of larvas. The B-52 Stratofortresses slowly moving in the
airconditioner's draft, suddenly dropped their bombs.
Cowboy guns began to fire, machine guns scattered
aimless bullets all over the place and armies of. tin-
soldiers began to move in the name of justice.
It took only a minute and order was re-established. Nix
on earth can stop things from being as they should be.
Santa Claus was later found drifting in the Pacific. He
thought he could hide behind his beard for ever, the fool!
Barby Doll the Last and her followers had to die too.
They didn't know that this is no age of Pinnochio, The
fools!
Paul Sterchi
Friday, November 30, 1973
THE      UBYSSEY
Page Friday, 5 •■•••■■■■■■■■I
Last Friday, Ubyssey correspondent Peter Duffy      ::JilliJI!!!:
■*■■■•■■■■■■
presented the ftst two chapters (sort of)      IlijIHiJjJi
of his trip south of Houston, Texas,     :::::■::::■:
■•■■■■■•■aaa-
■••■■■■•••aa
to cover millienium 73.     ::::::::::::
••■••■■■•■■p
■■■■•••■■•a
As everyone now knows     :::::::::::
•* ■■■■••■•••■
Duffy never made it. In the following four chapters jijjiijjii:
(sort of), he recounts the form :::::::::::!
and content of what turned him away from i!j[jljjHI'
the guru Marah ji's little circus - ijjjjjjj
some time with author-druggist-journalist iijjjlll
Ken Kesey - and why he came back a better man ::::::::""
for the time spent with Kesey l:;|::!l|jj
and his Timothy Leary liberation assault jjijjjjjHil
battalion somewhere in the backwoods HiiH'Li,
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Guru Kesey
holds Oregon
millenium
WHO IS THIS MAN ... more importantly w
Portland in two days
Fred was going to pick me up at 0700. We
jvere going to blitz across the mountains by
loon. But he didn't show until 0930. Told me
Ross had scrubbed. Then we had to stop for
theft insurance which took two more hours.
We didn't leave until noon. The sacred
journey to hear the great plan for peace for
all mankind had to be delayed so we could
insure ourselves against theft.
In seeking security we had betrayed our
lack of faith in the great god. We are not true
followers. I should have tried to convince
Fred not to get insurance just for the sake of
the millenium. If those who come don't have
faith then it's no good.
The beginning of the journey was utterly
black, not a redeeming thing about it.
There is a story of a priest who offered to
bring rain during a drought. All the people
should attend when he tells stories of gods.
The rain god will bring down the rain if they
all come with faith. They will beget the
praise of the rain god and there will be rain.
The discourse lasted 48 days. On the 48th
day it rained. He told more stories about
praising the rain god and it kept raining.
Everyone praised him as the priest who
brought the rain down. Then the priest said:
"No, the praise does not come to me. I don't
deserve it, nor any of you audience, but the
one lone man at the end of the crowd who
came.everyday with an umbrella. It is his
faith that brought the rain down."
In seeking insurance we betrayed. That's
why nothing happened at the Astrodome.
The false prophet left himself an escape
clause "for those who will listen". We
betrayed ourselves and our lack of faith in
the great proclamation of peace being
delivered for all mankind. We had to run for
security and be Americans. That is why his
plan didn't work, there was no one to stand
in the red plastic meadow with an umbrella
to protect himself from peace dove droppings. That is why the scoreboard didn't go
berserk.
We intended to cross the mountains near
Seattle then turn south. We had been
bullshitting, having a nice day. The weather
was nice; the van was running good. We
were rapping and getting into the trip. I
smelled the snow. Then it got bitter cold.
When we descended it stayed cold. Fred's
defrosters would melt the snow but the
wipers wouldn't wipe it off so it caked up
with ice, and we had to find wipers
somewhere. There were none.
We did find out that on the east side of the
mountains, all the way to Texas was nothing
but blizzards and treacherous and impassable routes. Fred said: "It wasn't
snowing in Vancouver, why should it be
snowing anywhere else?" After all the delay
we learned that the only sane thing to do
would be to head back across the mountains
to the coast and take route 5 to 66. So for the
next 200 miles we wouldn't be doing any
south, or even any east, but west. That gave
a bad tone to the whole time.
We had crossed the mountains twice in
half a day where it took pioneers months to
hack their way through. The mountains and
the elements were telling us don't bother
about the millenium because whatever is
the malady of the society is being
scrutinized and checked by our tall peaks
and our storming elements. We are taking
care of things in our way; don't lose your
head about false prophet's proclamations
down in Houston.
Nature redirected our route back to the
coast. There is a crisis because of a malady,
the structure of the entire American society.
And the mountains will usher in the
millenium. Their agent will not be Maharaj
ji the alient priest, his mysticism is foreign
to North America.
Third shoe drops
I did not make it to the greatest event in
the history of mankind; and it's a good thing
I didn't. Those tall peaks had a blizzard in
them that caught up to the van four times
and drove us back west to the coast.
We stopped in a restaurant and heard
people who didn't know one another talking
about the weather. They appeared
awestruck as if huddled together and this
awe cut through heavy vibes in the room.
Two policemen were sitting at the counter
with two of the biggest pistols ever made.
There was more of the guns sticking out of
the holsters than in; there was only the most
insignificant of straps looped over the
hammer. Fred said: "Look! They've got
quick-release holsters." People actually
talked to them as if they were normal
human beings. How are the roads going in
whatever direction? Do they have the
sanders out? Yes, the Sanders were out.
They were following the plows. Abandoned
cars are salt and peppered from here to
Bumford and back. Is the gorge still open?
Yes, that hasn't filled up with snow yet. No,
it's not exactly open — it's open if you've got
a buck and a half toll. A dreamy young
waitress lifted her gaze up to where she'd
like to be skiing and sparking like crazy
instead of serving Sunday brunch to the
technicolor church people.
The selenoid went on the blink again so we
had to push out of the parking lot like we had
a bobsled instead of a Volkswagen van. The
plows and sanders were going too slow so we
went around them. The snow had let up
some and I was making note of it when I
remembered the clouds which had hung
dramatic and portentous over the custom's
stop. I asked Fred how to spell portentous" I
was printing it in my notebook as the
Greyhound bus went by us as if we were
standing still. Before he turned into the bend
he passed the car in front of us. Then his
brake lights went on. It looked like he was
trying to get in behind the flat-bed tractor-
trailer for for some reason. He might have
been able to on dry pavement but we were
on icy packed snow. The bus driver must
have thought that there wasn't enough room
for bus and semi to go abreast between the
stalled car on the left side of the bridge and
the tow truck that had come to get it on the
other side. But there was no time for
thinking — what with the Columbia Gorge
on one side of the snow bank and the
mountain on the other side. Brake lights
ticked on all over the place — physical light
manifestation of all the psychic traumata.
Some blared, some flashed at incredible
rates, shedding light on the separate expressions of terror or fear that could be
correlated with the angle of hair bristling off
the neck inside of the vehicles.
Because the bus had started swaying and
nearly hit the front end of the flat-bed
tractor-trailer but the flat-bed (with only a
mound of log chains riding in the centre)
had gotten so far over to the right by that
time that he was about to run into the back
end of the tow truck. The bus was going 45
degrees off kilter. It was sweeping two lanes
of highway. It swept that tow truck up the
snow bank over the hidden and insignificant
guard rail. The bus didn't have to hit the tow
truck because the tow truck driver was
departing the scene under his own power
anyway, heading for the drink. It looks all
wrong to see a Greyhound bus going
sideways on a road. The flat-bed driver
freaked a little. He started swaying too.
Fred was trying to stop. I was relating the
scene before our window because I had to be
doing something. I had no pedals to
manipulate, I had no wheel to hold on to. All
I could think of was that thin pane of glass,
above the thinner sheet of tin and all that
tonnage out of control in slow motion. We
were going to hit something. I had measured
angles and distances and the odds were that
we were going to hit something big. If we
chanced not to hit something big then the
odds were we would hit something stopped.
Just then the brake lights shifted. The ones
pumping their brakes up and down started
blaring and the blaring ones started pumping up and down. At this point I bailed out
of the front seat and landed on the mattress
in the back. The last I saw we were headin,
for the tow truck, balanced half way into th
gorge. If we hit I would be heading baci
over the front seat out the window. I go
behind Fred's seat and held on for impact
I'm sorry to have to relate that I waited fo
some of the impact that was meant for me t
be taken up in Fred's crushing body. (Late
Fred told me that at this point he was'tryini
to remember where his hatchet was becaus<
if he got out of this gig alive he was going t
waste the bus driver.) Impact: loud but rr
much force. Fred was able to slow us dowi
to 10 m.p.h. and we hit the rear of the car ii
front of us. Remember him? He was going ii
our same direction and Fred had manage<
to hit him square. The collision boosted an<
straightened him out and he was thankfu
for that, because that boost saved him fron
hitting into the rear of the tow truck, whicl
would have boosted it off its perch and sen
it into the gorge. He was so delighted h<
never even came back to collect damages
We never saw him again. But we stoppet
and stood in the road bitching with the tov
truck driver whose eyes looked like b«w
bearings. We could have been three
primitives who had just been chased out of *
cave by flying rats. We watched a;
everybody straightened out, lined up, thei
disappeared over a hill.
In the van again!
The third thing happened ... I was stil
cool ... I wanted to go to fucking Houston
Nothing else. I was invulnerable. The
catastrophe had spent itself harmlessly ir
the road.
Snow children
I had great difficulties with the galacti
visitor over this. Should I not have remaine
in my seat to exude solidarity and coi
fidence in the driver? No I should not. Thj
metallic snow would have erased me into
streak of red after I'd been slashed by th
window. Should I at least not have sat longe
and taken on more of the charge? I ha
enough. Did I split at the last possible ii
stant? No. I didn't want Fred to think I wa
on a kamikazi mission. I figured he wo"'
expect me to act to save myself because thi
was what he was doing.
I cannot convince the galactic visitor thi
I wasn't freaking. I was merely coverin
this accident as a journalistic even
describing everything I was seeing befor
my eyes. Of course I was talking in a
urgent voice; these were urgent time:
Sideways cans of people, a workman pe:
ched on the edge of destruction.
Fred had charged up so much energ
from the accident he was able to levital
himself all the way to Houston, Texas froi
Bumford, Ore. I put him into a plane* ;
Bumford after a fair commotion at th
airport bar. I hung his bag of tape recordei
and tapes on one shoulder, his bags of fill
and notebooks on the other shoulder alon
with the Nikkon and zoom. He had to get th<
story because he just spent his $200 expens
money from the paper by French-kissing
(Fred says) chartreuse, Pontiac (I neve
saw the thing) in the ass end. I told him I
keep the bread for hassle, but no. He &aj>il
he went back to Vancouver he'd lay two bit-
on the editor's desk plus he'd have no stor
Page Friday, 6
THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973 ■ •■■■■■•■■■■■I
::::::::::::::p::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: the vehicle.  "Then why don't you slow
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""""""""'■■■••■•■••••••■■•aaa«aaaaaaaa*aaaaaaaa»aa sJ/\um9 "
• •• ■•••■ ■ ■■••■■■mi UUWll .
• ••■miaiiiitiiM •■■•■•■••••••••ii ___ ...       .   . _
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: We picked up Babbs. I kept the van run-
 •■■••••••••*•••■■■•• •••■■••••a sr                      r                                     r
■•••••••••■••••■■•••■••■•■■iii  i-iirtrt
■•••■•■•■■••■*■••*•■•■■■■■■•■•■■•••■■■■■■ niiiK.
■ ••••••••■•••••■■■•■•••■■■■■■■■■■mania »
^::::::H::H::HH::::::::::::::::!:::::::::::: Kesey; "You ever been in prison?"
U^:::H:::HH:::::::H:::H:H:::::::::::::::::::: Me: "No, they locked me up for a week
■* t::::::!^^!"":^"^^:::::::::::::::::::::::: when l was a ^ but no hardtime "
 ========================== He asked this because there was a "no
"!M:::'H:::::::H:H::::k:HH:;:H:'H:::::: smoking" sign above the windshield. I was
=========================================== smoking. He thought I had made a law just
v "U:H:::KH:i::::::::::::::::::::::::i so I could break it. But it was Fred's law and
":;:i:i::i::::i:ii::ii::::ii:::i:i:i I broke it because Fred wasn't there to
"!::::::::::i::::::::::::::::::i enforce it. We talked about the blizzard
"I:::::::::::::::::::::::! which had hunted me down and chased me
":::::::::::::'::::::::: out of the mountains to the coast. We talked
:ii::::::i:::::::::ii about the lunatics on the highway. "Then if
::i::::i::::::::::i you don't have brakes go slow."
'::::::::::::::::: l had to turn the van off again. Babbs took
?:::::::::::::::: me upstairs in the barn and showed me the
;::::::::::::::: production area where the rain was dripping
::::::::::::::: onto the drafting tables. There were puddles
:::::::::::::: all over the floor. There was no sense
*::::::::::::: bothering to shift things around because the
::::::iii::ii leaks themselves shift around. You could
'::::::::::: move something to a place where it will be
:::::::::!: leaked on next; whereas if you leave it
':::::::::: where it is there is a chance it could stay
•■■•■••■■• ury •
_               ii::::::: Babbs looked like he was used to the leaks.
*                   " " Ah, yes here is another pile of my work
destroyed. So what? The hayloft was set up
to be a combination wrestling rink and
theatre,
to flog. Last words: "Get that interview with When  we  got  downstairs  Kesey   was
Kesey. Don't take 'no' for an answer." wandering about the room. He said: "No
I was watching from the bar window as he matter how many locks you put on the door
lifted himself up into the air and disap- you can't keep the rain out." Everybody
seared, across the sky. I was fairly stum- thought that was a wise saying. I correlated
sling from side to side when I headed out to the rain with a semi-permeable membrane
he van after closing time. The beer doesn't which imprisons the spirit as surely as the
aste as good as Canadian but it is able to get locks imprison the flesh and only the spirit
^ou as fucked-up if you drink enough of it can  transcend  and   wander.   Everybody
(vhich I had evidently done. I didn't bother to worked on the magazine Kesey, Babbs,.
est the starter. Faye. We sat at a large round table.
Awakened by the drumming rain. There They were working — learning as they go
was no snow in Bumford. I couldn't get the — on the first issue of Spit in the Ocean.
ran started until the parking lot attendant Theme: "Old in the Streets", anything to do
;ame to work. He looked surprised when I with old age. They passed things to me:
ipped him $2 for helping me. I almost ran articles,   photos   of   some   of   the   most
nit of gas. I had to put a weight on the ac- beautiful faces I have ever seen, poems, a
:elerator while I called to find that I would letter from Timothy Leary who will edit the
leed chains to get over the pass but there next issue dealing with the growth of con-
vould be some available at the foot of the sciousness. The second issue will come out
>ass for $40. No. I wasn't heading south. I of prison. In the letter Leary said that the
vas not going to the greatest event in the back-to-the-land freaks were hiding out,
listory of mankind at Houston. I was going removing themselves as a political force,
lorth. Oh! North. Well there's only sleet on But on Kesey's farm much work was being
he north pass you don't need chains for done to spring this scholar who experiments
.Mt. with himself. I've known plenty of people
Ken Kesey's number was in the phone who hide in the city.
»ok. I plotted as I dialed. I'll tell Kesey we I went outside to smoke and pace up and
lave common backgrounds in that we have down the driveway. It was, of course, still
nth had to deal with academic institutions raining. I wanted to think of questions. I
n the area of creative writing. I have driven didn't want to interrupt the work. I paced
iown from Vancouver to discuss this and and two sows squealed and caught up to me.
jther matters with him. He thought I wanted They were sticking their snouts through the
lim to sell my novel for me. I denied. fence to sniff me. I went over and squatted
I'm not your man. next to the fence and let them sniff. Felt
Well excuse me, I've read your stuff and I their snouts. Asked them: Should I ask your
hink you are precisely the one . . . master if he still believes a person is either
We're working on the magazine and don't on or off the bus? There was grunting. They
"9nt to be bothered. rooted for me. Should I try to find out if his
*I was going to go to the greatest event in statement in Sometimes a Great Notion,
he history of mankind and report back "never give an  inch"  is  still a  viable
jut. . . hypothesis at his age? One of the sows
The millenium? OK, he finally said. And turned her ass to me then rubbed her
he directions came so fast I got the im- starboard quarter up and down on the fence
pression he was hoping I wouldn't be able to post. I decided not to interrupt but just to sit
'ollow them; but I had the notebook out just and watch. The dog dropped a stone near me
n case: go to the liquor store, buy a pint of and looked from me to it, to me, to it. I threw
Canadian Club, and etc. etc. etc. I had to it around for a while then went back to the
"isk getting the van stolen because I couldn't barn satisfied with the interspecies com-
urn it off, nabbed a quart of Canadian Club munication at least.
>*\d drove right to the star on the barn.
Kesey wanted a Bloody Mary but the
closest he could get to it was gin, V-8, the
drainingsof a can of kippered herring,
pepper, and tabasco. I asked for a taste and
it was ... great! The parrot never spoke. I
saw down and mixed another CC and diet-
Pepsi. Kesey showed me more of the galley
proofs of his magazine. A drop fell from my
hair onto the proof but he didn't notice,
lucky for me. There will be no ads in the
magazine, just beautiful old people and
heavy duty copy — lucky for anyone who
reads it.
It was time for me to go. I had managed to
hang around for three or four hours. I got
finessed out of my half bottle of Canadian
Club but I was surprised there was any left.
The finesse went like this:
"Hey Babbs, did you hear about the new
open bottle law? You can't have an open
bottle anywhere in the car."
Babbs: 'Stiffer fine than getting caught
with dope, I hear. Something like $400.
They had one of those laws in Minnesota,
too. That's why we would always go
drinking in a van or station wagon because
the whole back qualifies as a trunk.
Millenium comes
The only two times the van ever started
were the two times at Kesey's. I timed my
departure to be just before they were going
to eat so nobody would want to push me
down the driveway until after dinner. By
that time Ihe bottle would be gone and we'd
all be loaded and the social dances would
have been forgotten about or somehow
nullified or completed. And I could get to
some questions. Rats! The van started right
up. I had to go. I bought a six-pack and drove
as far as I could. Pulled off at a rest area,
backed in to get a downhill run in the
morning so I wouldn't have to push it by
myself. But when I went to sleep I left the
lights on. I discovered that the next morning. I couldn't get it moving fast enough to
start it. Had to wake up a trucker who had
his hand wrapped in a bloody handkerchief.
We couldn't get it going. A carny with no
teeth but a heart the size of a starter motor
pushed me with his pickup truck but drove
away before I could lay the fin on him.
I got moving again and didn't stop until
customs, which was two more snowstorms
away. I was going to stop in Blaine and drink
Irish coffee and take notes until I fell off my
stool but, one: it was snowing so hard I had
to keep moving. Two: I had lost my
notebook with all my notes of the trip. I don't
know where. My discussion with Kesey's
pigs was obliterated from the face of the
earth. My final question to Ken Kesey dealt
with the degree to which form is prior to
content. He came down on the side of form
and structure being prior to, not coincidental with: whatever content can be
exerted by any persons, any statistical
probability of DNA. I was surprised at this.
It is impossible to express content without
expressing it in some form. Each persons
being different in their psycho-physical and
environmental make-up means each person's form will be different from any
other's. Content can be clearly and completely expressed without saddling oneself
with a prior structure. Especially a structure some other person evolves in some
other time. Isn't it rather: the student
rejecting form strikes out with all his
spontaneity for substance, then, once
grounded on substance discovers the convenience of form, then as the mature artist
I had to shut the van off. I thought: I won't
be able to stay as long as I want because I'll
have to ask him to push me out of his yard
after the interview. So I couldn't do what I
did at Benyman's house. John Berryman
finally kicked me out of his house when I
asked the last question I could think of,
"What is the meaning of life?"
A woman met me at the door and the only
thing.that would come out of my mouth was:
"I was supposed to be here." I hadn't
planned on anything. I was incapable of
e*nning anything. "I was supposed to be
here." Kesey had his green editor's
eyeshade turned backward on his head.
Me: "They didn't have any pints."
Him: "No pints of CC?" as if this would
have been the first time that ever happened.
Me: "I didn't see any pints."
We had to go pick up Babbs in Fred's van.
[ was sweating it; but it started. I drove
angled roads mouthing off about the ac-
:H*iit, the rain splashing up onto the brake
shoes so I have to burn the water off them by
xiction before they will think about stopping
15  2 1Y ® has the
first one
hocked up
And Ready!
Send $1 for the first issue*
(or $5 for the first seven issues)
SPIT IN THE OCEAN >f
SITO
Rt. 8   Box 477
Pleasant Hill, Oregon *97401
♦With Krassner, Kesey, Quarnstrorn, Berry,
Novak, Babbs, Crow Dog, St. James & more^
■■■•■■■■■■■■•■•■•■aaiaBaViaBaaaaaajaaBajvaaaBaaa*.**1
finds his total spontaneity released in the
security of formal manipulation? That
notebook is gone. So I won't even be able to
name the colours on the technicolor parrot
that perched near Kesey's table.
Kesey is examining tradition, old
people. So that's what a millenium should
first do. Investigate: why the need for a
millenium? Find the cause of the malady in
these beautiful faces who have sold themselves and spent the land for security. The
youth investigates. Move number one. Move
number two? Spring Timothy Leary. The
great scholar has been hidden away for his
investigations. From out of his prison he
writes about his vision, tapping sources
within himself for the joyous cosmology.
It looks like they all act from sound instincts. Such a pattern. No matter how much
we push the millenium concept it seems to
be making sense. This is a vocal house, a
mouthpiece for the counter-millenium.
Possible incantation:
Son of Socrates
Our Scholar
or, Socrates incarnate,
permeate these walls.
Merry Prankster turned worker. Legit.
Examine  the   old   examine   the  prison.
Exhume the folk hero.
Imprisonment is the malady of the
secluded old who want to localize the
creative catalysis with their cancer phobia.
Take those who have violated a moral taboo,
slice them out of humanity, hide tljem away
on par with a carcenogen.
There is a movement afoot to spring
Leary because the youth see in him a man
who has maintained his own youth through
intellectual freedom and self experimentation but the structure says no.
Socrates was asked to save his life and not
do the poison if he would be banished. His
response: why would you wish me on
another culture, give me the poison. Leary
was more than happy to leave..
During Socrates' time they were lenient
enough to let him go; now the society had
tightened itself up so much in its insecurity
that it had to pull back the man who left.
Here, they are so barbaric that they conspire against a man who left. Socrates'
government was gracious enough to let him
go and confident enough, to kill him if he
stayed. Here they will neither let him go nor
kill him.
The generation who had come to
legislative atom breaking, moon travel
prominence by experimentation with
matter; subdue and spent and conquer the
world of matter, versus the youth who had
taken the self as subject matter for experimentation. Why should the old lose such
a sense of historical progression? Why
shouldn't they see the subject-self as an
inevitable natural continuation? Youth shall
experiment with itself.
If youth is exploratory like the father why
should the father stop it? Because his
system held that the arbitrarily established
structure could be used as a vehicle for
substance. The security conscious will cling
to the established order of things,
Creativity is repressed, the sword has
power over the pen. If writers band together
and uphold Leary's work must not even
Nixon pass?
The act of bringing the heathen prophet is
irreligious. The motive is economic for the
people of Houston, irreligious again. People
loaded on booze, nicotine and electric fondue
pots who go to drug stores instead of greasy
spoons — have a pharmacist like a priest
intervening between them and peace of
mind. This legit dope peddlar is a respected
member of any country club and has police
protection on top of it. People who hire
specialists to drugthembecause they won't
cure themselves as Socrates demanded
have stuffed the brown rice and acid freals,
Leary, behind bars; where the outlaw
philosophy is: Which is not a drug? Which
drug does not addict?
The structure malady: the critic comes
between the creative artist and the public
for his own maintainance; the priest comes
between man and god for his own maintainance; teachers pose themselves- between the student and wisdom for their'own
maintainance; all self appointed holy
ghosts. Agents. The devil quoting scriptures
for maintainance, insurance, and security.
Get your subscription to the counter
millenium! "Spit in the ocean!" The spirit
of the teacher will be emergingafrom those
semi-permeable bars. Cast off insurance
premiums for counter-millenium magazine
prescriptions.
Watch the  drama  unfold.
Friday, November 30, 1973
THE      UBYSSEY
Page Friday. 7 Books
i
t
t
Unconscious recognition
There is No Such Place as America by Peter Bichsel. A
Seymour Lawrence Book: Delacorte Press, New York.
Hardocver $4.95.
With his first collection of highly original and
sparklingly fresh short stories, And Really Frau Blum
Would  Very  Much   Like to  Meet  the   Milkman,   the
brilliant young Swiss writer Peter Bichsel won the
coveted Gruppe 47 prize and found himself in the
distinguished company of Hans Magnus Enzensberger,
Gunter Grass, Peter Weiss, and Peter Handke who had
been previously awarded this prestigious literary prize.
Now comes Bichsel's second collection of short stories
There is no Such Place as America, and it unmistakenly
establishes him as one of the leading European
talespinners.
Peter Bichsel is an unusual writer. He writes about
simple things, ordinary men, everyday occurrences —
and his stories slowly turn into a sad and profound
commentary on the alienation and loneliness of modern
man. His methods are unadorned; his language stern,
straight, and clean; there is not a single extravagant
incident in his evocative tales. Yet they slowly turn into
modern fables, wise and subversive. His stories tell us
about things we do and do not do; things we know and try
not to know; things we dream of or dare not dream; and
slowly these tender tales turn into reflections on death,
departure, and insanity.
Bichsel writes prose like a poet. His first book of
stories reminded one of Turgeniev's prose-poems or
Tagore's I.ipika. but more naked, more helpless, more
tender, and startling funny.
That was his first book.
His new book is more concerned with people who are
victims ol modern life — people who are small, tired and
old, the men massacred by the memory, the men who
didn't want to know any more, the inventors whose inventions happen to be invented already — years before.
In these stories no one is really satisfied with the way
things really are. His world is inexorably the same. It is
a world where nothing happens — no discovery, no
surprise, and no change. Even the words are always
depressingly the same. That is why an old man with
"dry and wrinkled thin neck, whose white shirt collars
are far too wide for him" finally gives up talking. That is
why Uncle Jodok sends his love and replaces everything
with "Jodokism". Even the small boy who inspired
Amerigo Vespucci to set out for the new world is never
quite sure if there is "any such place as America". Here
the earth is always round, and a table is a table is a
table, and all the escape routes are blocked. Or, perhaps,
to get out of this world, one should start a journey, in-
wardbound and schizophrenic.
Yet this world of Bichsel is hauntingly funny, and
moments of comic triumph are blended with genuine
despair. The gurgling of his dry bitter laughter reverberates in our heads long after the fables are finished.
Manabendra Bandyopadhyay
Mirror image
The Carbon Copy by Anthony Brennan
McClelland & Stewart 7.95.
Anthony Brennan is a university teacher of English
literature at St. Thomas University.
This novel is advertised as a thriller. Its protagonist
Harry Carbon, suffers from  amnesia.
While he is searching for cues concerning his identity
and his past, he comes across symbolic settings and
archetypal situations. In daliesk underworlds he encounters rituals of sex and violence. When Harry Carbon
surfaces to more conventional levels of reality, he is told
that he is a hunted terrorist leader — a political hero of
the oppressed masses. Because he can't quite take the
news, his odyssey continues. He meets a hunter who
lives a humble pastoral life. He lands in a secluded
academy on top of a mountain. He goes through an orgy
and comes into contact with innocence when he makes
friends with a little boy. Right up to the "suspense
relieving" last Chapter, Harry Carbon fails to find his
identity; but he has learned a lot about society. When he
ends up in his room again, he doubts whether "the
society outside these walls is peaceful, democratic,
stable." He is not sure anymore that there is "no
tyranny and oppression, no poverty and injustice."
At the beginning of his journey, Harry Carbon gets lost
in a desert from which he eventually emerges like
Lazarus from the dead. The reader being half as lucky,
is left behind in the quicksand of learned allusions and
academically contrived imagery. Although the Carbon
Copy is not meant to be a carbon copy of the author's
lecture notes, it is filled with literary knowledge and
wisdom of the past. But fictional elements like plot and
character-development are difficult to replace with
structural techniques and domineering patterns of
images.
Brennan still dares to see people in the context of
society and in the framework of politics. He brings
enough sense and social insight to the reader's mind to
be called responsible and promising. His generalizations
are not only justified and valuable, they are deeply
human and necessary. An activist girl is asked by the
hero of the novel: "Haven't you ever wanted to get away
from this country and its misery?" Her reply is typical
of Anthony Brennan's social comments: "Never since
my father told me that all the richer countries were
forbidden fruit. They have contrived to forget that they
are living off our backs already. How could I live there
unless I were to loose my memory? I know who gives the
government arms to oppress us. I know whose investment creams off all the wealth of our country. Am I
to go there to cheer them on, commit myself to a
luxuriously-appointed lunatic asylum?" The tone of
accusation in this passage is intended, as Brennan shows
himself in a comment about his first novel:
"The book is designed as an assault on the complacent
assumptions of western democracies that they are
immune from the savage chaos of the world "out there"
— outside our comfortable asylum. . . Being locked in a
windowless cell is a fate that can befall societies as well
as individuals." Reading this, it becomes clear that he
must have decided to write The Carbon Copy while he
was at UBC.
Paul Sterchi
GET IT ALL TOGETHER
THIS CHRISTMAS
at the bookstore
• do it yourself CRAFT KITS
candles, glass staining, fun film, etc.
• jigsaw puzzles and adult games
playing cards, cribbage boards, etc.
• stoneware coffee mugs, tea sets,
ashtrays, casseroles
• crested souvenir mugs, steins, bookends,
plaques
• sweatshirts, T-shirts,  jackets
• replica argylite totem poles and
Thorn woodcarvings
• books — books — books for the whole
family . . . arts, antiques, hobbys, crafts,
sports, gardening
• stocking stuffers, cards, giftwrap
Best Wishes for a Happy Holiday Season
From The Management and Staff of THE BOOKSTORE
Page Friday, 8
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,   1973 Books
Nasty brutish myth
Sasquatch, by Don Hunter with Rene
Dahinden. McClelland and Stewart,
Hardcover, $7.95.
In 1924 while prospecting at the head of
Toba Inlet a logger by the name of Albert
Ostman was captured by a Sasquatch. He
was carried on the beast's back to a
secluded valley where a family of four of
them lived. Ostman stayed for a week
before managing to escape and concluded that he was to be used for stud
purposes.
That is probably the most dramatic in
an exhausting series of Sasquatch stories
lightly glued together with a little science
and a lot of zeal. Sasquatch, written by
local Province reporter Don Hunter,
makes what seems to be a sincere attempt to catalogue all known data about
this curious phenomenon.
Hunter makes a fairly good
dispassionate case based on extensive
research for the existence of the much-
maligned Sasquatch. But he does it
through an irritating mixture of sensationalism and pseudoscientific doubt
that weakens his case.
Hunter does manage to be convincing
nonetheless, if only through a presentation of the documented evidence. The
evidence consists of hundreds of plaster
casts of footprints, numerous sightings,
several poor-quality films and the
respectful legends of native peoples of
the continental northwest.
The Sasquatch seems to be some kind
of Neanderthal relic left over from a
bygone age. It is usually described as
having a large powerful physique and a
thick coat of dark hair.
They live in the USSR as well where
their braces are studied by scientists and
where the phenomenon is taken
seriously. A famous Russian case con
cerns the capture of a young female near
the Black Sea town of Ochamchire in the
late 19th century. She became the
property of a wealthy landowner, was
famed for her strength and fleetness of
foot, and bore numerous children by a
variety of human fathers. Descendents of
these offspring exist and are noted for
their strength, dark skin and the extensive range of their voices.
Hunter does point out that with the
wealth of evidence available it is
remarkable that so little interest has
been taken in the Sasquatch by the
scientific community. This is due in part
however to the results achieved by the
profession of which Hunter himself is a
member. Sasquatch stores are exploited
to the extent that they occupy a sizeable
chunk of the ha-ha lore of B.C.
around.
Ed Cepka
Movies
The machine as turkey
As author of The Andromeda Strain and The Terminal
Man Michael Crichton gained a reputation as a writer of
realistic fast-paced, not to mention commercially
successful, science fiction.
Wunderkind Chrichton has now branched out into
writing screenplays for well-packaged escapist flicks
and obviously hopes to repeat his writing success.
His latest offering, Westworld, will probably pack
them in, though not from its great quality, but because
any well-advertised film that looks like a violent western
and plays at the Orpheum automatically draws huge
crowds.
Westworld is actually a neat idea combined with
nonexistent acting, a silly directionless plot and more
loose ends than a plate of spaghetti.
The neat idea is this resort where robots are used to
recreate one of three near-mystical environments: a
Roman villa-city state complex, a feudal castle and of
course the riproaring old west — Westworld. The robots
provide the cannon fodder for every little or big boy's
dreams of shooting, slashing and beating the hell out of
his fellow man. Oh, yes there are also women robots in
this flick. They serve as prostitutes (natch).
In theory this should be a good movie. Here we have
every man's dream — free sex, free violence, free
murder, free glory, free power, free fame (free in the
sense of no responsibility, as Westworld costs $1,000 a
day).
Surely, you say, there must be a moral here. After all
things can't be that good.
Crichton does seem to vaguely perceive that this sort
of thing can't be permitted to go on, but instead of
examining the psychological implications of all the
brouhaha, he takes the easy way out.
Westworld breaks down. Yep the robots just start
misbehaving and, like you've seen in god knows how
many movies, turn on their creators (and patrons).
O.K. This is an escapist flick. The excitement must be
unbearable right?
Nope. Everyone immediately gets killed in the old
suddenly-everyone-wasrun-over-by-a-truck plot, leaving
only poor pathetic Richard Benjamin facing super robot,
Yul Brynner.
The mechanical Brynner is nearly indestructible.,
which should make for an exciting chase as Benjamin
tries to hold him off with acid and then fire, but somehow
it just doesn't come off.
Brynner finally clanks to a tedious halt and sputters
and smokes his way into the credits while Benjamin
stares blankly at the off-stage cue cards, and one of
those disembodied voice overs says "Welcome to
Westworld, have we got a vacation for you," just like it
did at the beginning.
In between all this rubbish are gaping holes big enough
to accommodate the entire plots to Lawrence of Arabia,
War and Peace and a good-sized Faulkner novel.
To begin with, Crichton has the annoying habit of
throwing in political sub-plots and then ignoring them.
Remember how in the Andromeda Strain there was all
that liberal bullshit about how the government was involved in germ warfare which was conveniently
discarded when the novel slogged around to the final
climax.
In Westworld there are vague hints, never carried
through, that the real reason for the resort's problems
are overt dependence on technology and increasing
alienation from reality. But nothing, much develops
along these lines.
Worse, Chrichton, usually noted for his cogent
scientific explanations offers a ridiculous reason as to
why everything suddenly goes berserk at the resort.
We are told at one point that a disease is infesting the
machinery. What disease? How does it work? Who or
what caused it? What can be done? Huh?
None of those questions are answered and what could
have been an interesting sub plot is abandoned in favor
of a quick cut of robot intercourse (??????).
With the advent of miraculous acapuncture,   the patient feels no pain.
Another interesting diversion is the efforts of the
technicians who run the robots to stop the berserk
machines once the "disease" takes over.
But at one point Chrichton obviously becomes bored
with the whole thing and writes them out of the movie as
the camera cuts away with 17 minutes of oxygen left,
never to return.
There are other unanswered questions; like how does
the resort keep the guests from shooting each other with
the "real" guns they carry around. We are told it is
because each gun has a heat sensing device and thus
won't fire when aimed at anything with a body temperature, i.e. people.
But what about richochets, which as every good
Western fan knows kill about 95 per cent of the villains in
B type movies?
Also, are the robots programmed to always draw
slower than the guests or could they kill someone who
dropped his gun while drawing it, or alternatively, had
run out of bullets? If they wouldn't then where is the
excitement for tough he men like some of those visit
Westworld, since there should always be some element
of danger to provide excitement.
Finally what about sex? (Well, what about it?)
Crichton wants to show us how liberated a writer he is by
having guests bedding robots? But surely there are
problems. If these people can calmly (well, relatively
calmly anyway) make passionate love to machinery
then they must be so alienated and technology-crazed
that they can't distinguish between machine and human
anyway. In which case at least some of them should have
some hang ups about shooting the oil brothers or sisters
of something they shacked up with only the night before.
If not, then at least some of them should be reduced to
total impotence for at least a month after screwing Mr.
or Ms. IBM or Honeywell or whoever.
There Crichton! See how interesting Westworld could
have been? See how gripping, exciting, complicated,
relevant, involved, intelligent, and downright entertaining it could have been?
You asshole!
Friday, November 30,  1973
THE       UBYSSEY
Page Friday, 9 Money!
Fame!
Prestige!
The UBC Alumni Chronicle is sponsoring a new competition
to provide recognition of creative writing by UBC students.
Prizes have been donated by the UBC Alumni fund and are
quite generous. First prize is $175. Second $125. Third $75.
The contest is restricted to full-time, registered students of
UBC in any faculty.
Entries are to be a piece of creative writing" to a
maximum of 3,500 words and must be typed on one side of a
page, double-spaced and preciously unpublished.
The work may be in any genre: short fiction, drama or
poetry. More than one item, as in the case of poetry, may be
combined in a single entry, but it is left to the judge's
discretion whether the entry will be considered in whole or in
part.
The deadline is January 31, 1974. Entries must be received
at the Alumni Office, Cecil Green Park, UBC by this date.
Judging, by a panel of writers and critics, including George
Bowering. and Roy Daniells, will be in February. Winners will
bo announced in mid-March.
Entries should be clearly identified with the author's name,
address and student number. A duplicate should be kept as the
Alumni Association assumes no responsibility for submitted
manuscripts, but will endeavor to return all those accompanied by a self-addressed envelope.
As an added bonus the winning entries will be published in
the Alumni Chronicle. With nearly 60,000 readers consider this
a best seller.
For further information contact the Alumni Office, Cecil
Green Park. 228-3313.
PAGE FRIDAY is putting together a gala CAMPUS
LITERATURE theme issue in January and they need your
immortal diversification and short prosaic improbabilities
NOW (like before the end of this term and exams — say
December 15th). Hence all students (that means you) are
urged to drop in their biodegradeable goodies at the P.F. desk
in our office (ask SUB 241 'K upstairs) SOON. Please hurry
people Shorter poems and even shorter short fiction writers
preferred. YOUR LAST CHANCE TO REALLY SUFFER BIG.
Merry Christmas
froi
Your Graduation Portrait Photographers
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Page Friday, 10
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973 Hot L.
Movies
a near sue ss
The Hot L Baltimore
by   Lanford   Wilson
directed   by   Bill Millerd
at the Arts Club
Clever playwrights know how to keep
an audience's attention. The basic
technique is give them what they want.
Lots of swear words, lots of flash and as
much sex as possible. The formula can
also be used by clever directors. Wilson
and Millerd are undeniably clever. It is
evidenced by their manipulation of the
formula. However, they are not all that
clever, and cleverness alone cannot
compensate for serious faults in the
script and production.
The hotl was a hotel, but time has taken
its toll of the Baltimore. Redg Reynold's
set does not delineate sharply between
illusion and reality. The audience walks
into the set: Bill, the hotel clerk, is
listening to a radio. Its music is piped
through a loudspeaker, permeating the
room. Paul is sprawled out on a couch,
oblivous  to the world.
Unfortunately the set does not recreate
the appropriate scene. Atmosphere is
generated, but the "noble sweeping
marble staircase" is sadly missing. The
limitations of the Arts Club theatre is not
suited to such a set, but the lost grandeur,
the past elegance of the hotel should not
have been compromised.
Wilson presents a slice of life. The play
is a day in the life of 15 lives. Act one
begins at seven in the morning. Bill is
just getting off his midnight shift, and the
hookers are preparing for bed — to get
some sleep. Act two is the quiet afternoon, filled by aged, lonely pensioners. Then in act three the hookers
emerge once again, the hotel is alive.
The cyclic us^ of time provides Wilson
with the necessary vehicle he needs to
introduce, display and then rid the stage
of his characters. The people come and
go on shift — literally. Such a technique
does wonders for tempo and pacing, and
Millerd handles the situation with verve
and style. However, as the zoo generates
atmosphere (the life breath of the hotel),
it also undermines character and pathos.
There is an excessive wealth of
characters. Some are developed to a
degree, others to a lesser degree, and the
rest virtually ignored. Perhaps we are
meant to see the characters as they see
themselves; elusive and secretive.
People do live in hotels (as anywhere
else) without ever knowing the person
next door. Yet on stage, flesh and blood
people make drama, not shadows.
Millerd does not help the situation any.
Many of the characters are badly
miscast, which makes it even more
difficult to identify with them.
Mr. Morse is a contentious old man of
70, and although Wally McSween tries
valiantly, he is no where near looking the
part., Mr. Katz is the hotel manager, a
spidery  wrinkled   old  Jew  who   lives
behind the woodwork. Unfortunately
Millerd's choice, David Stein, a vibrant
vigorous young man, does not suit the
role. Susan Wright plays Girl, the central
character. Girl is a 19 year old prostitute,
someone who has come from the school
of hard knocks. Wright is a fine actress,
but she looks fresh and innocent enough
to model Daisy bras.
Another difficulty is Girl's character.
She is caring, very perceptive and
self-aware and . . . it's just too much.
The prostitute with a heart of gold is
acceptable on occasion, but Girl does not
convince us why or how she leads the life
she does.
Jackie (Lani Reynolds) gives a fine
performance as an aggressive hardened
teenage girl. She and her brother Jamie
dream of owning a farm. When she
pleads with Katz for a loan, she is a
determined self-sufficient honourable
figure, who has always stood on her own
two feet and fended for her brother.
Wilson complicates matters by making
her into a thief. It does not fit. For two
acts, Jackie is devoted to Jamie. She
leaves him in the third. No explanations
are given, nor is it accountable by the
information we have. Such sloppiness is
characteristic of this uneven play.
April (Janet Wright) is a garrulous,
hard-nosed, hard-boiled hooker,
possessing formidable wit and ass.
Wright is dynamite. The stage actually
strains  to  contain   this  dynamic,   ex
plosive character. Compared to her, the
shadows pale into ghosts. All the best
lines are given to her. April ravishes us
and when the ordeal is over, we arelimp.
This unbalance has drastic effects when
she leaves the stage during the second
act.
The uneveness is apparent in structure
as well. Act one is a raging, roaring
torrent of emotion and activity.
However Wilson focuses almost all of the
second act to one character, Millie. In
reminiscing about her youth, Millie
becomes a 'real' character, but it does
not serve any dramatic purpose.
The essense of hotel life is its variety,
and the second act destroys the
movement of the first.
The focus of the play should be, and is
at most times, the hotel and life in the
hotel. The Hot L Baltimore is a
Chechovian piece in the sense that
everything (and that means everything)
happens off stage. But not away from the
hotel. The action moves upstairs. Unfortunately Wilson sees fit to expand his
horizons, to the detriment of the play.
Suzie apparently had a long involvement
with a pimp, and she returns to him in the
third act. But no mention of this is made
beforehand. Wilson arbitrarily assigns
conditions to his characters with little or
no foundation, and the eventual effect is
to heighten the unreality of what could be
a very real play.
Steve Morris
Movies
Ephemeral but enticing
Night   Watch:   directed   by   Brian   Hutton,   starring
Elizabeth Taylor, Laurence Harvey and Billie Whitelaw.
Movies are, of course, big business, and all sorts of
huge companies are getting involved in motion picture
production. For example Brut, a brand of men's aftershave (largely alcohol, scent and fancy package) has
gone into the film business, and judging by their new
products, they haven't changed their formula. Night
Watch, now showing at the Capitol theatre, has a very
fancy package; Elizabeth Taylor makes it smell pretty,
and the rest of it has about as much substance and
staying power as rubbing alcohol.
But make no mistake: although this film is as slickly
packaged as any Madison Avenue product, and despite
all sorts of flaws, Night Watch is an entertaining and
even vaguely intriguing movie.
The main problem with the film is the producers don't
really understand the nature of suspense. This is not, as
promised, "the darkest panic of the macabre", but a
series of cliched horror-movie tricks: lights in empty
houses, curious coincidence, a conspiracy to drive a
woman mad (with a subtle twist), long sequences of
dark and stormy nights, lightning and banging shutters.
Other more terrifying films have used these devices, and
have thus created an emotional chain-reaction of expectations which carry over, in the mind of the audience,
to this picture. This "borrowed" fear may help hold your
interest, but it won't make you scream out loud.
There is one truly frightening passage (a standard,
yes, but it's awfully well done) in which three people are
searching for each other in a deserted house; one is
ready to kill, but you don't know who it is. There are
creaking iron gates and water dripping from the
ceilings, and things that go bump in the night. It's great
stuff, but unfortunately, the search ends in a rather
gruesome cop-out: the director, being unable to hold the
tension, settles for blood and gore.
Elizabeth Taylor alone is worth the price of admission.
Someone involved with the film was quoted by Rex Reed
as saying that "it's the first time in years that she hasn't
looked like a drag queen". Well, there are still striking
similarities, but she also looks like a middle-aged
woman who isn't trying for thirty anymore, and that's a
nice change. Her part is the best thing about the script,
and she plays it perfectly. The other characters are
wooden in comparison, both in conception and portrayal.
By the way, don't stop guessing until the last few
minutes. There's a surprise ending that really is a
surprise; like better films in this genre, the underlying
morality is neither as conventional nor as puritanical as
you might expect.
Gordon Montador
ELIZABETH TAYLOR ... a pretty smell.
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Students   FREE   Mon.-Thurs.
'til 11 p.m. with student cards.
1275 Seymour    683-2610
Friday, November 30, 1973
THE       UBYSSEY
Page Friday, 11 Books
Sober stoned report
During the late sixties and early
seventies the public was inundated by a
flood of "drug literature." More often
than not it came from sources as Information Canada, provincial governments, and concerned — but misguided
— parents' groups.
Notable about this literature were\two
things: in most cases, it did not come
from recognized authorities on the
subject, and it usually made things worse
than they already were.
During this period, several major
studies have also been done on the use of
drugs for non-medical purposes. One
example is the LeDain inquiry, which
was appointed in 1969 by the Liberals. Its
recommendations, made in 1970 and in
1972, were never followed because they
were too radical. Similarly, Nixon appointed a committee to review the
problem in America. When this group's;
findings did not fulfill the administration's suspicions, it was conveniently ignored.
The latest work on the subject that will i
probably be ignored is Licit and Illicit!
Drugs, by Edward M. Brecher and the!
editors of Consumer Reports.
This book differs from its predecessors in
that it is a compilation of information on
the subject of drug use and abuse that
was already available under several
different covers. As well, it discusses in
detail the legal drugs used every day —
caffeine and nicotine in particular.
The book is organized into ten sections.
There is one section for every class of
psychotropic (mood-altering) drugs
commonly used: narcotics (heroin, etc.),
caffeine, tobacco, alcohol and barbiturates, cocaine and amphetamines,
inhalants, LSD, and marijuana. At the
end of the book is a section on drug abuse
among the young, and finally the
authors' conclusions and recommendations on what policy should be
followed.
Each section is further divided into
chapters. These cover the history of the
drug, its social use, and what happened
when the drug was outlawed (both coffee
and tobacco have been banned at various
times in various countries — can you
imagine stamping out the coffee
menace?), as well as the physical,
mental and social effects of its use.
Brecher and his associates avoid the
trap that many researchers get fouled up
in.  Rather  than  carry on  their own'
research  to  confirm   or   refute   their
preconceived notions about what they
should find, they rely completely on the
findings of other drug studies and
inquiries.
An important aspect of "Licit and
Illicit Drugs" is its myth-exploding role.
For example, the much-ballyhooed
"heroin overdose" was revealed for a
fraud: you can die of a heroin overdose
about as easily as you can die of an
orange overdose. Heroin deaths are
'instead linked side effects of the heroin
black market — impurities in the drug,
or mixing smack with alcohol (which is
used heavily by most heroin addicts —
Janis Joplin was bombed on Southern
Comfort when she died of her "heroin
overdose.")
Another myth that bits the dust is the
one that says that not enough. research
has been done re marijuana to prove that
it is harmless. As the book points out,
since 1894, dozens of private studies and
six full-blown LeDain-scale, government
sponsored inquiries have been conducted. Not one shred of evidence against
marijuana has been found to prove that it
is physically, mentally, or otherwise
harmful, or that it is addictive. God
knows they looked hard enough for it.
Licit and Illicit Drugs is the best!
handbook ever written on the subject of!
the non-medical use of drugs that I have
read. It combines everything worth
saying about drugs, without becoming
repetitive or boring. Page by page it
builds up its case, offering cogent;
evidence for every step ' of their
reasoning, then in the final chapters
comes to logical and rational conclusions. The way the evidence builds up
against the current drug attitudes reads
like a detective novel, and its climax is a
good deal more satisfying.
The one drawback of the book is that it
is 540 pages long, and even if it does make
great reading, few of us have the time to
read the whole thing. Whatever you do,
don't miss the brilliant discussion of the
heroin black market in the section on
narcotics; and the insightful account of
how glue sniffing became an overnight
sensation in a chapter tellingly entitled,
"How to Launch a Nationwide Drug
Menace."
And when you've finished the book,
send a copy to your Member of
Parliament. It would be a tragedy if this
important book was overlooked any
longer.
Ralph Maurer
Sub cine last picture show
Peter Bogdanovich is the critic cum director
who's only previously late lamented claim to fame
was the kid that he walked around directing in an
old pair of pants once worn by John (the Duke)
Wayne in THE THREE GODFATHERS, small
change. But his THE LAST PICTURE SHOW is
big change, it was a very big change for
Bogdanovich who with this rather recent (1971)
black-and-white gala Americana period piece
nostalgia firmly established himself as an excellent actor"s director and as an important new
vision in the film industry. The touching, quaintly
moving, finely photographed story is the petite
verite portrait of the small west Texas town of
Anarene, circa 1951, at a time when many small.
town movie houses began to die out bowing to the]
advent of catatonic teevee for the masses. It is the
rather rustic death of a whole camp collection,
catalogue of the American dream world nostalgia.
The   picture   is   embarrassingly   good   for'
several reasons, none of which may seem to be
Bogdanovich's fault. The mini-verite attempt at
period piece realism via attrition, i.e., period
cars, period hairdos, and even proper period slang
language is all underlined by Bob Surtee's near
perfect period photography — bleakly nostalgic
black-and-white resolution. Near perfect acting
performances by an outstanding cast; Leachman,
Johnston,    bottoms    et    al,    adds    much    to
Bogdanovich's actor's director status. The film's
own rather facile cum campy symbolism
romantically metamorphoses itself into that same
old west wet dream world memorabilia of the
Howard Hawks or genre John Ford greatly
lamented never-never-land Westerns.
One must sense that this fine grained movie
THE LAST PICTURE SHOW that
Don Griffith, W2, and those hard working student
ranch hands at the old SUB CINE Filmsoc
corral are putting on this term and since they are
still going strong at only 50c a seat every weekend
maybe this is the last picture show us suffering
. exam crammers can afford to see in this town.
Eric Ivan Berg
Thank you
for the support that a
TO KEEP THE PIT AS A CONTINUING SERVICE TO THE
UNIVERSITY COMMUNITY WE WOULD ASK YOUR
ASSISTANCE IN OBSERVING THESE REQUIREMENTS:
THE PIT IS OPERATED ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS UNDER
THE REGULATIONS OF THE BRITISH COLUMBIA
LIQUOR CONTROL BOARD, THE UNIVERSITY OF B.C.,
AND THE ALMA MATER SOCIETY.
ADMISSION IS TO HOLDERS OF VALID AMS, UBC
FACULTY, AND STAFF CARDHOLDERS WHO ARE 19
YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER.
students have shown for
fhe New Pit
guests Must be genuine and accompany the
SPONSOR.
WHEN REQUIRED, PHOTO IDENTIFICATION IS MANDATORY.
ADMISSION MAY BE REFUSED FOR ANY REASON.
THE STAFF ARE REQUIRED TO ENFORCE THE REGULATIONS, THEY DONT MAKE THEM!
PLEASE   HELP   US AVOID   EMBARRASSMENT TO  YOU
AND TO US BY OBSERVING THESE REQUIREMENTS.
Thank you
The Pit Staff
Page Friday, 12
THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973 Friday, November 30, 1973
THE       UBYSSEY
Advertisement
Page  19
How to Buy Hi Fi Components
So you've decided to buy
high fidelity components!
Your next step, is to enlist the
services of a high fidelity
dealer to help you select the
components which are right
for you and to advise you on
fitting them into the decor of
your hoime. Where do you
find a qualified high fidelity
dealer or audio specialist?
High fidelity components are
sold in a wide range of stores,
including electronics wholesalers, audio salons, department stores, discount houses,
music stores, record and camera stores. Of course, you
have to find the right dealer.
To help you, the Institute of
High Fidelity has set up
guidelines for separating audio specialists from casual
dealers in "hi-fis" and "stereos." And audio specialist, the
Institute says, must have
demonstration- facilities for
the equipment he sells — an
area for listening, to help you
determine how the various
components will sound when
you get them home and a
means for switching back and
forth rapidly among components, to help you judge for
yourself which sound you like
best. An audio specialist must
also offer his customers the
products of at leasty six component manufacturers — in
order to assure, you a reasonable selection from which to
choose. Some stores of each
type mentioned above meet
these requirements — and
some don't.
Your high fidelity dealer
should be something ef a personal confidant. Tell him
about your musical tastes. Let
him know whether you plan to
listen alone or in company.
Give him some information
about the room you plan to install the equipment in. And be
frank about your finances. Be
sure to let the dealer know if
you plan to have components
set into furniture you already
own. Or you may discuss the
possible arrangement of components as wall units, room
dividers, shelf installations,
perhaps even the mounting of
components in a, closet door,
which is an inexpensive and
space-saving way of housing
them.
Shopping for components in
person is a good idea for several reasons. A good dealer or
a friend can recommend a
turntable or an amplifier,
since these components produce almost no sound of their
own. But only you can select
the loudspeaker you like best
— and the best way of doing
so is by taking time to listen
to several in the price range
you're considering. Because
speakers are so important to
the complete system, most audio specialists advise budgeting half your total outlay — if
you're buying a single program source — for speakers.
You can buy high fidelity
components by mail, too —
but you'll have to forego the
dealer's personal advice and
help and the opportunity to
listen to your purchase in advance.
You'll save time and confusion if you tell the dealer
right at the outset how much
money you want to spend. In
terms of cost, there are three
main classes of component
systems: economy, ranging
from $200 to $350; solid mid
dle, priced anywhere from
$400 to $750; and deluxe,
which starts at about $800.
Economy systems sound infinitely better than consoles
costing the same, or even a
few hundred dollars more.
And, despite their modest
power outputs, they produce
plenty of sound to fill the average listening room. The solid middle offers the discriminating listener the highest return in listening pleasure for
each dollar spent. You get
full range frequently response,
extremely low distortion, virtually silent background plus
ample power even for large
rooms.
If you're interested in a
dream system — pried upwards of $800 — you'll find an
added authenticity ot sound, a
subtler transparency of texture and a feeling of unrestrained openness in sound
that one critic describes as
sonic bloom. Moreover, you
get the satisfaction of knowing
that your equipment represents the ultimate frontier of
the audio art. And if music is
truly ,your passion, you may
feel that the closest possible
approach to perfection is in itself a pleasure worth the cost.
Remember that, unlike a
console or portable phonograph,  each component  you
buy is an investment. The
introduction of FM stereo
for example, rendered obsolete thousands of consoles
and table radios. Owners
who replace these units with
stereo models find that their
entire original investment-
ranging as high asv$750—has
been lost, Since these models
have no resale value. Components, on the other hand, always retain a portion of
their original value. The
amount depends on the quality of the original unit, its age,
and its condition. A few 10-
year-old amplifiers (mono-
phonic) bring as much as 80
percent of their original purchase price. Most components
bring at least 50 percent of
their original price on a trade-
in against new equipment.
One way of reducing the
cost of high fidelity—and at
the same time developing an
educational hobby—isbybuild-
ing your own components from
kits rather than buying
them ready-made. Since
labor is an expensive ingredient in most components, you
can save as much as 40 percent by doing your own assembly work. There are kits for
just about everything, including loudspeakers and tape
decks. The widest selection,
however, is in amplifiers and
tuners where some models are
identical in appearance and
performance with factory-finished models. Originally, kits
were designed to help do-it-
yourselfers get into high fidelity on a budget. In recent
years, however, some manufacturers have designed kits
which require little previous
do-it-yourself experience and
no background in electronics.
It's not at all uncommon for
a doctor or a lawyer to relax
in the evening soldering together a tuner kit—as much
for the fun of it as for the
pleasure to be derived from
the finished p.oduct. Because
many of today's kits are foolproof, even a novice can tackle one without qualm. Experience is a good teacher.
Kellys Stereo Mart — 2714 West Broadway Page  20
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,   1973
Smith plans bigger book
sale this time next year
By KENT SPENCER
Bookstore manager Bob Smith
said Thursday he is trying to draw
up "some sort of strategy" for
another book sale at this time next
year.
His plans include another book-
buying trip to the East. About one-
third of the 250,000 books on sale
this year were bought from
Toronto publishing houses to sell
here.
Smith's plans are getting bigger
with every sale. The first sale, in
February, 1971, dealt only in UBC
inventory. The second, last
January, was Smith's first
business with Toronto, done mostly
by phone.
The current sale was organized
on a trip by Smith to Toronto in
August. It was, in Smith's words,
"a gamble.
"The reason we got into it is we
wore in trouble. We wanted to sell
our inventory and the books from
Toronto gave us enough of a
margin to pay for the cost of doing
it."
Smith  is entertaining  ideas of
going to Toronto again, but an even
bigger idea has spawned this time
a trip to New York.
"We'll hit Toronto, but also New
York ■- that's where the real big
boys are. Maybe we can get some
better prices in New York."
A lot of the books Smith buys in
Toronto are from New York
anyway so he said it will cut out the
cost of Toronto's overhead.
Smith said he is not competing
with local businessmen and would
"be upset if they protested". He
said there was "a dig in the
Province" but otherwise no one
has said anything.
Asked whether he thought the
current sale was a success, he
said: "Success? Yes, it's a success, it has reduced the inventory."
Smith said about two-thirds of
the books have been sold with the
sale at Brock hall continuing until 5
p.m. Saturday.
He mentioned children's books,
art and cooking books as being the
biggest sellers, which aren't
normally in the inventory, he said.
"If I can get space we will do it
again. We'll get a little better at
managing the thing and in the long
run. it could be a profitable
operation. It could be a means of
financing other bookstore systems
we desperately need.
"We're getting a reputation as
a maverick bookstore in North
America. Nobody else has ever
tried anything of this size."
Smith said any profits from the
book sale will be used to lower
prices for UBC students.
AMS cuts grant
for widow's visit
A $150 grant to bring Hortensia Allende, wife of late Chilean president
Salvador Allende, to speak at UBC Dec. 4 was cut to $75 by Alma Mater
Society council Wednesday.
The Chilean solidarity committee, co-sponsors of Allende's speech,
made the grant application.
Council members said they believe students could hear Allende speak
at John Oliver High School or at Simon Fraser University.
However the arts undergraduate society, also sponsoring the speech,
will go ahead with the plans to bring her here.
"If 1,000 people attend this meeting, what is $150?" said AUS
president Bill Moen.
Moen said Allende is on a Canada-wide tour and drawing large crowds
for her talks on Chilean strife caused by the military junta now ruling
Chile.
Wrote Allende: "I could not overlook this opportunity to denounce the
military junta which took over from our democratically elected,
government.
"I want to say all the truth about the dramatic situation of the
majority of the Chilean people because I refuse to fall into the conspiracy of silence.
"I hope to consolidate the bonds of solidarity bonding Canada and
Chile ... to outline the problems of the refugees and to request the
people and the government of Canada to open the doors of this vast
country."
ROYAL BANK
EMPLOYMENT INTERVIEWS
—Commerce  and  Economics Graduates are   invited to submit
resumes before December 31st to:
KENWESTLING
Employment Officer
Royal Bank of Canada
1055 W. Georgia
Vancouver, B.C.
—For careers in financial and/or administrative management.
-SELECTED STUDENTS will be invited prior to January 13 to
make interview appointments at the Campus Placement Office in
anticipation of our on-campus visits January 23rd and 24th.
burke9*
world wide travel
ONE NUMBER FOR
ALL
YOUR TRAVEL
ARRANGEMENTS
Please Call For Details
224-4391
5700 University Blvd.
burhe's
world wide travel
l       Last Call For       1
|     CHRISTMAS     |
| We are going to have a very limited supply of the new I
| Polaroid SX-70, the camera of the century. So, reserve |
| now and avoid disappointment. 1
; RUSHANTCAMERAS
5F     , ... J
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Hortensia Allende
wife of the assassinated Chilean President
speahs at U.B.C.
Tuesday, Dec. 4 12:30 P.M.        S.U.B. Ballroom
Sponsored by the Arts Undergraduate Society
and the Chilean Solidarity Committee
• • • • DEFEND THE CHILEAN WORKING CLASS • • • • Friday, November 30,  1973
THE       UBYSSEY
Page 21
Hot flashes
Allende visits
tampus
Hortensia de B. Allende,
widow of assassinated Chilian
president Salvadore Allende will
speak on campus Tuesday noon in
the SUB ballroom about recent
and current events in Chile.
Sponsored    by    the    Chilean
'tween
classes
TODAY
SAILING CLUB
Christmas ski trip, sign up on club
bulletin board in SUB basement.
ALLIANCE FRANCAISE
Meeting, noon, IH lounge.
SATURDAY
CVC
Games night, 7:30 p.m., SUB 216.
AQUA-SOC
Party, SUB ballroom.
MONDAY
LDS
Joseph Fielding Smith an Exemplar,
noon, Angus 104.
TUESDAY
AUS SPEAKER
Hortensia     Allende,     wife    of
assassinated     Chilean     president
speaking at noon, SUB ballroom.
GERMAN CLUB
Last  meeting of the year, noon, IH
WEDNESDAY
ONTOLOGY
Dale Maranda speaking on loving to
be who you are, noon, Buch. 216.
THURSDAY
PHILOSOPHY UNION
Meeting noon, East Mall Annex
116.
FRIDAY
PSYCHSOC
Dr. C. Commins of The Maples,
speaking on children with emotional
disturbances, noon, Angus 207.
solidarity committee and the arts
undergraduate society Allende
will speak on the situation of
Chilean refugees after the
counter-revolution, the conspiracy
of silence in Chile and the
atrocities committed bv the
military junta now ruling Chile.
She is currently on a Canadian
tour to educate Canadian people
about the recent tragedies in Chile
and their implications for the
world. She will also be speaking in
the Vancouver area at John Oliver
high school Sunday at 8 p.m. and
SFU Monday at noon.
Ex speaks
Lord Caradon, former British
foreign minister and former
resident representative to the
United Nations will speak on
campus Tuesday noon about the
U.N. and the Middle East.
The Leon and Thea Koerner
lecturer will speak in Buchanan
100 on The U.N.: Neglected
Instrument, Lessons of the Middle
East.
Caradon will also be speaking
at 8 p.m. Monday at the
Centennial    museum
Caradon is sponsored here by
the UBC centre for continuing
education and the Vancouver
branch of the U.N. association.
Pro-life
Some people think abortion is
murder and they're letting the
UBC Pro-life society know about
it.
The society is holding a vote
today  by telephone to see how
ACCUTRON
Modern wonders every one;.
You'll enjoy perfect time, all the time,
thanks to a tiny tuning fork
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to within 60 seconds '.■
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Other Models Priced Irom $113.00
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mam* $
LIMITED
REGISTERED JEWELLER, AMERICAN GEM SOCIETY
Granville at Pender Sine* 1904
c
r
many support or reject abortion.
It is being run to see if UBC
students favor abortion on
demand or if they oppose it and
are against convicted abortionist
Dr. Henry Mortentaler of
Montreal.
Phone 926-2896 to cast your
ballot.
Photo contest
Photosoc is sponsoring its first
annual photographic contest in
SUB art gallery Jan. 13-19.
Deadline for entries is Jan. 5. For
more information call 228-4405.
Sit-at-
home?
Not you!
You're not a sit-at-home,
afraid to get out and go when
winter comes.
You're a girl who can't
imagine missing a day in the
snow, even if it is a problem
day. That's why you use
Tampax tampons instead of
old-fashioned napkins. A
tampon can't bulge and mar
the look of ski pants, inhibit
your movements or let odor
form. Tampax tampons are
worn internally, so you're able
to move freely, unencumbered
unembarrassed.
Active girls like you protect
themselves with dependable
Tampax tampons. And really
enjoy winter.
DEVELOPED BV  A  DOCTOR
NOW  USE) ST   MILLIONS OF  WOMEN
MADE ONLY BY
CANADIAN TAMPAX CORPORATION LTD..
BARRIE,   ONTARIO
GRADUATE STUDENT
ASSOCIATION
OFFICIAL NOTICE
Nominations for the two vacant seats on the Alma
Mater Society Council closed Monday, Nov. 26.
Only two nominations were received, from Keith
Dunbar (Education) and John Dwyer (History).
The two nominees have therefore been declared
elected.
THE CLASSIFIEDS
RATES: Campus - 3 lines, 1 day $1.00; additional lines, 25c;
Commercial — 3 lines, 1 day $1.50; additional lines 35c;
additional days $1.25 & 30c.
Classified ads are not accepted by telephone and are payable in
advance. Deadline is 11:30 a.m., the day before publication.
Publications Office, Room 241 S.U.B., UBC, Van. 8, B.C.
5 — Coming Events
aABAGE SALE. FABULOUS BAR-
gains good cause, featurday, Dec.
1,  12:00-4.00;   2451;  W.  Broadway.
10 — For Sale — Commercial
UNIPRINT
New! — To make
color prints from
color slides.
No interneg needed
Just in time for your
Christmas Cards
$11.95 for half gal. size
tine lUng anb Shutter
Cameras
3010   W.   Broadway 736-7833
DECORATE with prints & posters
from The Grin Bin. 3209 W.
Broadway (Opp. Liquor Store &
Super-Valu).
AIRMAIL has art deco.,
jewellery and kitsch. 2715 Main
St,, at 21st. Phone S79-7236.
11 — For Sale — Private
CHEVROLET CHETELIE, 1964,
city tested. Snow tires, new
brakes, very good running condition, $595. SCM electric typewriter, Secret model, extra keys,
$199.   224-1507.
7EAB OLD — 2 snow tires (14).
car radio, tape recorder, best offer. 732-7154, 228-3196. ask for
Sadig.
RETURN TICKET — Vancouver-
Toronto, Dec. 15-Jan. 6. 228-
2268.   Lois.
PRACTIKA 35mm camera. Meyer
50mm, 1.8 lens with X'.V. and Y-2
filters. Case included. $100 -—
327-6046  evenings.
LANGE SKI BOOTS, size 11. in
perfect condition, $45.00. Phone
Andy at 224-9549 and leave
message.
STEREO: Amp, turntable, speakers,
headphones. Less than a year old.
$150.00.  Phone Grant,  224-9691.
15 — Found
20 — Housing
HOUSE FOR SALE
Unique opportunity ■— 5 bedrooms, 2>A baths. Large family-
home in Point Grey. Professionally renovated in and out.
Priced around $60,000. For further information contact:
Howard .1. Furze. 327-9171
or 879-7571   (24 Hrs.)
25 — Instruction
30 — Jobs
35 - Lost
OOS&XNG-: A reward is given upon
return of my glasses. Call 224-
9883.
40 — Messages
SKI WHISTLES. Rent condominium opposite lifts. Day/week.
732-0174.
I'M AGAINST ABORTION
ARE YOU?
Vote Today — Fri. 30th
Phone 926-2896
50 — Rentals
Short of Refrigerator
Space?
Phone RICHBAR
435-8105
Rent a  10 cubic foot fridge
$10.00/month
Month-to-Month  Rental
NO  DEPOSIT
65 — Scandals
DR. BITKDOLO and iris entire crew
wishes his fans a Merry Xmas
and a A Happy Now Year.
70 — Services
RESEARCH—Thousands of topics.
2.75 per page. Send $1.00 for
your up-to-date. 160-page, mailorder catalog. Research Assistance, Inc., 11941 Wil-shire Blvd.,
Suite 2, Los Angeles, Calif.. 90025
(213).   477-8474.
80 — Tutoring
Speakeasy SUB Anytimel
228-6792 - 12:30-2:30
TUTORIAL
CENTRE
For Students and Tutors
Register Nowl 12:30-2:30
85 - Typing
ESSAYS   and   Papers   typed,
onable   rates.   274-6047.
Reas-
YR. ROUND accurate typing from
legible drafts. Quick service on
short essays. 73S-6829 from 10
a.m.   to  9  p.m.
90 - Wanted
URGENT — 2000 square feet needed for People's Educational Garage.   254-4467 anytime.
OOOD HOME (not apartment) for
affectionate, spayed, 10 month,
female tabby cat. Evenings only.
433-2095   (Marilyn).
82"  OR  45"  LOOM.   Call   936-7005. Page  22
THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973
DON'T HIBERNATE THIS WINTER!
Get Off   Your  Ass-   in intf
GOYA!!      228-4648 - 228-5326
PARTICIPATE
IN INTRAMURALS!
RECREATION UBC NOTICE
Facility Usage During the
Holiday Period
ARMOURIES (Tennis) Closed from 5th December unt;!
December 29th.
South Campus Complex Gymnasiums — Closed from 8
December until 7th January.
War Memorial Gym (including circuit) — Open Daily
throughout Exams and Holidays (except Xmas, Boxing
and New Years Day) from 2 p.m. until 10 p.m.
We encourage members and guests to use War Memorial Gym
du ing the holidays. Some group bookings will be accepted at
the gym dispensary.
THE THUNDERBIRDS LEAVE for the People's Republic of China Sunday. They'll be accompanied by four
hangers-on from the Canadian Amateur Hockey Association and possibly an ,;alumni supporter. No one is
going from The Ubyssey, however, due to a limited number of visas, consumed by the hangers-on. If you
think this is sour grapes you're right. Have fun guys.
Birds fly to China
^rsrty_SportS|
4510 w. io Ave. Centre Ltd. 224-6414
j*-.»j»>
'YOUR SPORTS CENTRE"
John Wurflinger would like
to invite you to drop in and
discuss your skiing needs
with him.
SPECIAL    PACKAGE    -
Limited time only —
Beginners & Intermediates
TECHNICA SKI BOOTS
Reg. $79.95
XMAS SPECIAL
$50.00
We wish all students, staff and faculty
A MERRY CHRISTMAS and A HAPPY NEW YEAR
By PETER LEIBIK
All across Canada young hockey
players no longer desire to play for
the Montreal Canadiens or to see
their name etched on the Stanley
Cup.
Instead, all efforts are being
directed towards attending UBC
and making the Thunderbird
hockey team, for what NHL team
includes competition against the
People's Republic of China?
The Thunderbirds leave on
Canadian Pacific Airlines Sunday
for a goodwill tour of China which
threatens to overshadow prime
minister Trudeau's recent trip to
the same locale.
UBC was selected to represent
Canada by external affairs
because it possesses an excellent
hockey team and coach.
"It lends a bit of prestige to send
a  university  team,"  said coach
Hindmarch. "They could have
chosen a junior or senior team but
it's preferable not to send a bunch
of animals."
The emphasis of the trip will be
on cultural exchange rather than
hard-hitting hockey. "We hope to
experience as much as the Chinese
lifestyle as possible," said Rich
Longpre. "It's quite an honor to be
going."
"We may travel to parts of outer
Manchuria where no white face
has been seen," said Hindmarch as
he phoned various people about
obtaining presents for their
Chinese hosts. "I've heard it's
customary to exchange gifts and
we certainly don't want to offend
anyone."
While the China trip may seem
like a nice reward or compensation
for stitches taken and hours spent
in   dirty   rinks   Hindmarch   said
that's not the way to view it. "This
team would play hockey at 2 a.m.
without a soul watching them."
"They simply enjoy playing the
game. The trip is purely secondary
even thought it is fabulous."
On the way back from China the
team will play three games in
Japan where Yoshio Hoshino will
compete against his old college
classmates in Tokyo.
The trip will be an historic
moment for the hockey world, far
more exciting than the New York
Raiders conversion to the Cherry
Hill Knights. If the Birds manage
to keep their hands off the local
women it will become a great
cultural event.
Thunderettes
take title
The UBC Thunderettes
volleyball team, losing only one of
their 12 games, won the first of
three CWUAA volleyball tournaments. It was held in Calgary
Saturday and Sunday.
Their only lose was to the
University of Saskatchewan who
came in second. Other competitors
were the University of Calgary,
University of Alberta, University
of Victoria, and the University of
Lethbridge who finished in that
order.
When thinking of Christmas, think of
North Western Sporting Goods
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OPEN FRIDAY NIGHTS UNTIL 9:00
FREE PARKING AT REAR OF STORE Friday, November 30,  1973
SPOR TS
Fencing is just
not like it used
to be in movies
By RICK LYMER
Whenever I think of fencing images of Douglas Fairbanks Jr. leaping
from bed to bed slaying thousands of guardsmen while adoring females
look on come to my mind's eye.
Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with what's happening in fencing
today. The UBC team of 26 members face the realities of everyday life.
The lack of funds and opponents who don't fall down in a faint when they
show up.
The beginning fencer starts with the foil, a metre long spring wire
with a guard. This is perhaps the most difficult weapon to master due to
the quickness needed to hit a smaller target area. This consists of the
torso, front and back. A point is scored when the tip of the foil strikes the
opponent. This is monitored by electronic gear which signals a hit by
lights. The innovation of this type of twentieth century technology has
influenced the sport, making it more aggressive and quicker.
A bout takes place on a mat, 18 x 1-1/2 metres.
Once the novice is exposed to the foil, he moves on to the sabre or
epee. The epee is similar in shape to the foil but the philosophy behind it
is different due to the scoring system. In the foil, the aggressor is
awarded the point even if your tip makes contact with the opponent.
With the epee points are scored whether the opponent strikes or not.
The sabre is different from the other two fencing weapons in it has an
edge, thus points can be scored with the edge and the tip. This involves
cut and thrust as well as lunges which are found in the other weapons.
The team has a professional fencer for a coach. Maitre Bac, from
Cambodia, was trained in Paris at the Institut National du Sport.
Fencing can be a fairly expensive sport for the participating individual due to a lack of adequate funding from the Athletic Department. This is no less true of other sports in which players supply their
own gear, if on a smaller scale. This is indicative of the shortage of
monies in the athletic program at UBC.
The men's team was granted $300 by the committee and receives
another $100 from the B.C. Fencing Association. Without this grant, the
team could not afford Bac as a coach.
The team is largely supported by its own members, who might spend
up to $200 a year in order to compete in tournaments regularly. The
recent tournament in Edmonton where individuals paid their own way
is an example.
The clothing which the team wears can be purchased for $60 while to
make it is less than half that amount. Epee is the most expensive, due to
frequent breakage of the blade, each of which costs $25. Sabres cost $10
and foils $15 and usually last a season of competition.
The University of Winnipeg has a budget of over $6,000 for its team.
However, in talent, UBC is well ahead of any western university in the
sabre and epee.
The team is on the outlook for more players, particularly women.
Those interested should contact Pat Tam at 325-3603.
CO-REC COMING ON STRONG
IN JANUARY
Get  Off Your Ass    PARTICIPATE   GQYJUJ
ENTRY DEADLINES
MEN
HOCKEY —
BASKETBALL —
WOMEN
VOLLEYBALL —
HOCKEY —
BASKETBALL —
NORM THOMAS after one of the football Birds many wipeouts stated he was going to go out and do some
recruiting. He would then make the other teams in the Canada West conference know just how it feels to lose
your final home game of the season 60-7. He has already shown big results. This week he announced the
signing of a new fullback, Crushton Cowalski. Cowalski. shown above on the practice field in Deep River
Ontario where he played last year, is a power runner and just the thing UBC needs considering its front line
this year. "We'll make 'em eat hay with this one," enthused Thomas. Cowalski was unavailable for comment.
Fullback solves football problem
The Thunderbirds have acquired a fullback who
coach Norm Thomas thinks will give UBC a winning
football team next year.
His name is Crushton Cowalski, who formerly
played with the Harvey S. Dickie Memorial Platoon
Veterinary School in Deep River, Ontario. A hefty 600
pounder, Cowalski runs effectively with or without
blocking and, while lacking speed, has never been
stopped short of the goal line.
Last year in the North Eastern Ontario League for
Retired Milkmen Cowalski rushed for four miles,
scored 113 touchdowns, produced 70 pounds of butter
and 83 gallons of milk.
Coach Thomas said that Cowalski has a mild
temperament and shouldn't present the personality
problems which often accompany superstars. "We've
already nicknamed him 'Contented Cowalski'," said
Thomas.
"One thing," the coach added, "He's going to have
to shave off that beard and start using a mouthwash
regularly. We're also having trouble with his uniform
and equipment, but Canada Tent and Awning, and
Stelco, may have the problem solved."
^ $/f& mens hair styling salon
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— 1969, 70, 71, 73
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(Two blocks West of Burrard)
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228-5326        Women Room 202
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THE       UBYSSEY
Friday, November 30,  1973
these are record prices!
A&B Sound
POLYDOR
£   2
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2394 112 - Best of The
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Isaac Hayes - 2 LP's
M.S.L. 10.98 A&B
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— Art Garfunkel
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