Open Collections

Array THE
UfflSSEY
VOLUME 75, Number 33
Vancouver, B.C. Friday, February 5,1993
Info Act should cover UBC says MLA
Include universities in Freedom of Information Act: report
by Mark Nielsen
Freedom of information and
privacy legislation should be extended to cover universities, a provincial governmentreport released
Monday says.
The report says the province
should amend existing freedom of
information legislation to include
the broad public sector. Existing
legislation already allows citizens
to get information from the provincial government.
Both newly-elected Board of
Governors representative Orvin
Lau and current BoG rep and AMS
researcher Derek Miller said they
hope such legislation would force
the Board to open its doors to scrutiny.
One point of contention has
been BoG's tendancy to move items
to the closed afternoon session.
Miller said legislation would
make BoG be clearer in its criteria
for deciding what will be on the
open and closed agendas. They'd
have to quit bandying about."
"Some of the most trivial
things end up in the afternoon
[closed] session," Lau said. "Alot of
times they'll just move it into the
afternoon session because they just
don't have time in the morning
session. They just don't care."
But one of the report's authors, New Democrat MLA Barry
Jones, said more information is
needed before making specific
recommendations regarding
closed meetings, he told The
Ubyssey.
Jones said legislation would
have to protect some of the
university's operations. "We were
led to the conclusion that there
should be guidelines to ensure
protection of such things as personnel and land acquisition."
BoG chair Ken Bagshaw could
not be reached for comment.
If legislation is passed,
Jones said it would guarantee access to financial information and
students' personal files.
For example, legislation
would allow students rejected for
scholarships or bursaries to find
out details ofthe decision.
He added that legislation
would also affect the University
Hospital, where patients currently have no access to
personal health files.
Freedom of information legislation of varying effectiveness
covers     universities in
Saskatchewan and Quebec.
Similar   legislation also   exists
in Ontario but   does not cover
universities.
Jones hoped to see a bill introduced by late April, coming
into effect by October 1994. The
two year wait would allow insti
tutions enough time to prepare for
the new measures.
Legislation passed last year
requires provincial government
bodies to meet new standards for
access by October of this year.
Monday's report recommends going a step further by including
muncipalities, school boards, hospital boards, police boards, universities, colleges and self-governing professional bodies.
Academic freedom ends in class
You will probably still
have to go to class even
if the province's Freedom
of Information Act is extended to cover universities.
In his report on the
coverage of the FOI Act,
New Democrat MLA
Barry Jones has made it
explicit that lecture notes,
along with faculty research notes, would remain in the private domain.
"I am persuaded that
faculty research and lecture notes do warrant
special treatment," Jones
states in the report.
"While information
about the nature of the
research and related public
funding should be in the
public domain, the goal of
public accountability is not
furthered by providing access to research data and
lecture notes.
••Moreover, it is not the
intent of information and
privacy legislation to enable
an individual to obtain access to another's research
and thereby deprive him or
her of priority of publication."
Confederation of University Faculty Association
of BC president Gordon
Shrimpton applauded the
recommendations during a
panel discussion held Tuesday but also said professors
may be exposed to libel
action if letters of recommendation were made accessible.
In turn, this could lead
to self-censorship.
"Would we only say
really, really nice things
about them, and then
hope that we get a phone
call so we can say what
we really think?" he said.
As well, Shrimpton
said appeals of denial of
promotion for faculty often require that the appellant have access to reference letters.
But if his or her field
is small, how can the
identity of the referee be
protected?
New student BoG members stress openness
by Rick Hiebert
Two recently-elected student
members of UBC's Board of Governors want the BoG to be more accessible to students and the public.
Orvin Lau and Michael
Hughes both hope that as BoG
members, they can encourage
UBC's ultimate governing body
to pay   more   attention to stu
dents' opinions.
Lau and Hughes were elected
to the BoG in last week's AMS
elections. They defeated five other
candidates and take office immediately.
Hughes, a graduate student
in engineering physics, attributes
his win to the high profile he assumed as the chair of the AMS'
The winners and the losers
Board of Governors
(Top two finishers win)
Acclaimed candidates
Orvin  Lau
942
Michael   Hughes
863
Jeff West
781
Ian   Flint
468
Mike Wagner
385
Dean  Olund
381
Bill  Johnson
346
Senate At Large
(Top five candidates win)
Elise  Brady 1.280
Paul  Marsden 1,100
Regan  McNeal 1.067
Emile  C.H. Woo 532
Jerry Olynyk 489
Samson S.T.   Hui 410
Christopher  Sing 368
Talman Rodocker 301
•Agricultural Science
Azim A. Raghavji
•Applied Science— Christa
Greentree
•Arts—Marc Gerard
Schaper •Commerce and
Business Administration—
Michael Fuoss
•Education—Fergus
Horsburgh
•Graduate Studies—Brian
Goehring
•Law—Gord Kettyle
•Medicine—William Dick
•Pharmaceutical Sciences—Amin
Janmohammed
•Science—Chris Woods
No Senate candidates ran
in the Forestry and Dentistry faculties.
anti-tuition hike campaign.
"I'd like to make the BoG more
open to student input and not just
the two studentreps,"Hughes said.
"Fd like to see the entire process made more
democratic, with
more consultation. Students
shouldn't be surprised by BoG
decisions such as
proposing a raise
in tuition of 18
per cent."
Hughes will
also push for
more affordable
student housing
on campus, especially for families.
He says the pro-
posed
Thunderbird
Housing complex, to go where
B-Lot currently
sits, is a good
start.
"There are
some problems
with the concept
of "cost-recovery" from campus
services," he said. "Services like
the UBC bookstore and student
computer services have to pay for
their own operations, and as a
result, their services are priced
out of students' reach."
Orvin Lau, a fourth year computer science student, is a former
member ofthe UBC Senate.
"Ill take a pro-active stance
on the BoG. The BoG has always
been a reactive body, responding
to what the administration wants,"
he said. "In general, it has the
power to tell the administration
should be definitely addressed."
Lau and Hughes both want
student input and suggestions.
"If there Eire any problems that
students have, they should talk to
Michael Hughes and Orvin Lau
what to do, but it doesnt do it that
often."
He hope s to promote academic
issues on the BoG. The board has
the ultimate responsibility to set
tenure and promotion practices,
two central issues for Lau.
"The environment at the university is not conducive to teaching at all. Classrooms and lab facilities are really outdated and this
us," Lau said. "Ifs already difficult
enough to make an impact on the
BoG being only two students. Any
support we can get will be helpful."
UBC students also elected
Elise Brady, Emile Woo, Paul
Marsden, Regan McNeal an d Jerry
Olynyk as stodent members at
large for the UBC Senate, the
university's academic governing
body. They assume office April 1. ,S**-.
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This week at LJ D V_y
MUSIC
Wednesday
Wednesday Noon Hour
Alex Klein, oboe
Lisa Bergman, piano
12:30 pm Recital Hall $2
Friday
UBC ArtsFest
StringFest
12:30 pm  Recital Hall
UBC ArtsFest
Jazz Ensemble with guest
Phil Nimmons, clarinet
8:00 pm Recital Hall $5/3
Saturday
UBC ArtsFest
Chinese Music Ensemble
2:00 pm  Recital Hall
ArtsFest
Phoenix Choir
8:00 pm Recital Hall $5/3
Sunday
UBC ArtsFest Finale
UBC at The Orpheum
UBC Symphony Orchestra
Vane. Youth Symph. Orch.
David Agler, guest conductor
Leslie Wyber, piano soloist
7:30 pm The Orpheum$10/4*
Next Wednesday
Wednesday Noon Hour
Marc Destrube & John
Sawyer, baroque violines
Nan Mackie, viola da gamba
Doreen Oke, harpsichord
Ray Nurse, theorbo
12:30 pm  Recital Hall  $2
*Ticketmaster 280-4411
For information call 822-5574
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cents. (10% discount on 25 Issues or more.) Classified ads payable in advance. Deadline 3:30 pm, 2 days before
publication. Room 266, SUB. UBC, Vancouver, B.C. V6T2A7. 822-3977.
5 - COMING EVENTS
THE VANCOUVER INSTITUTE
Free Public Lecture
Saturday, Feb. 6
Professor Carolyn Merchant
Department of Conservation
and Resource Studies
University of California
(Berkeley)
on
REINVENTING NATURE
Lecture Hall 2,
Woodward IRC
at 8:15 p.m. 	
11 - FOR SALE (Private)
MOVING SALE sectnl. sofa, dinette
set, hide-a-bed mattresses, tools,
fridge and stove. Garage sale Feb. 6
& 7.1 pm, 299-7806.
20 ■ HOUSING     ~"
RESIDENCE ROOMS are available
for women and men in the UBC single
student residences. Please contact
the Student Housing Office at 2071
West Mall, Tel 822-2811.
30 - JOBS
PT RECP. NEEDED for busy optical
store. Exp. an asset but not req. 8-10
hrs. per wk. Pis apply in person with
resume to Rod at Visions West Opti-
cal 3959 W. Broadway.
CAN YOU QUALIFY FOR THIS IMPOSSIBLE JOB?
Work 12 hours a day at start, study
continuously, be a self-starter, keep up,
cope through rigorous development period. If you're success-oriented; rewards and professional independence
are worth it. Send resume to:
P.O. Box plOO c/o The Ubyssey
CAMP COOK
June 1 - Aug 30 at Camp Narnia on Salt
Spring Is. Live in, R&B provided, salary
negotiable. Commercial cooking/
kitchen exp. essential. Apply 653-4364.
PART TIME HELP wanted in bed &
breakfast. Exp. in hospitality industry
helpful. 3 pos. avail. Could be f/t end
April. 879-5682.
MAKE $780 per week Experience for
all majors. Travel. I'm looking for 8
hard working students to work in my
business this summer. Call 325-8859.
ACCOUNTING/COMMERCE whiz
needed to help struggling sole proprietor
balance his books, 650-7293 Leave msg.
40 - MESSAGES
LOVE FOR SALE
The Ubyssey is now accepts**;
Vauj*/t*ne messages fo* the Special
Feb. 12th Valentme Issue
Deadlnes r Feb. 10th. Avon the
kush ... Book your love now!
70 - SERVICES
GAYS, LESBIANS & Bisexuals of
UBC information**office (SUB 237B).
822-4638.
80 ■ TUTORING
TEACHER OF ENG. of second lang.
will help students in reading, writing
and speaking, call 739-0193 or
Harbourside College, 688-4242.
85 - TYPING
PROFESSIONAL typist, 30 years exp.,
wd process/typing, APA/MLA, thesis.
Student rates. Dorothy, 228-8346.
— ON CAMPUS —
Miracles Performed Upon Request
AMS WORD PROCESS-ZING
Room 60, SUB
Mon-Thurs 9-6 — Fri 9-5
Drop in or call: 822-5640
NORTH VAN. LOCATION - fast,
proficient, experienced, fax, modem,
laser printer, competitive rates. 987-
2816.
TYPESETTING and laser printing -
resumes - essays - word processing
call 266-5324.
WORD PROCESSING
Papers, theses, etc.
Please call 732-9001
Friday, Ftfrugy 5
UBC Student Counselling & Resources Centre
Workshop - Asserttveness Strategies for Self Empowerment 12:38-1:20 Brock Rm. 200.
UBCSchool of Music UBCContemporary Players,
12:30 pm, Recital Hall
WUSC Panel discussion oa "Students and Social
Responsibility." Speaker from El Salvador. Noon,
Intl House Audit.
GLOBAL Devel. Ctr, Women's Ctr; Stud. Envtor.
Or; Gays, Lesbians & Bisexuals of LBC Beer
Garden featuring Shine. 4-8pm. SUB 247/209.
Childcare available In SUB 138.
Campus Calendar
wwm warn
Come and Experience
the thrill of seeing the
magnificent Gray Whales
from aboard our 24' ft. Rigid
Hull Inflatable Zodiac. On our Tours
you may also see Seals, Sea lions,
Eagles and other spectacular Marine Wildlife. (95% sightings)
We are offering reduced Rates for Students. Accommodation
available.
Whale Watching March — October
FOR RESERVATIONS PHONE OR WRITE TO:
TOFINO SCENIC TOURS
c/o PACIFIC BREEZE MOTEL, P.O. Box 294, Tofino, B.C., V0R 2Z0
725-3269
Environment Ctr. Bzzr garden/ retro party. 4-8
pm, SUB 207-209.
Jazz,Foik.Bluesaub&GSSProerams. Thca'sfive
showcase/jam: FoH* 5:00, Jazz 7:30, Blues 9:00,
Rock 10*30-12+. No cover. Thca's, grad centre.
Saturday. February i
UBC Triathlon/Duathlou Club. Duathlos Race:
Run-bike-rua (3km • 6km - 3km). Members and
non-members invited. 9:00 am, (registration 8 JO
ami. Southland Elementary School, Camosun &
Law Union. AH-dayconfcrence,wlthkeynot£sfrom
Betty Baxter.NDPFederal Candidate, OareCulh****
author, prisoner's rights activist. 10am-5pm,
Curtis Building, Law.
FUL Hawaii 5-0 party. 8:00, doors close at 10pm,
tickets in advance only. FIJI HA US.5785 Agronomy
Road.
Sunday. February 7
Museum of Anthropology. Stories & traditions:
Tony Montague nan-ales the stories from popular
English ballads, lpm, Museum, Great Hal
Lutheran StudentMovement Worship and Fellow-
ship. 7:00pm, Lutheran Student Centre.
Monday. February 8
UBC Student Counselling & Resources Ctr. Workshop: Stressed out? Breaking old habits. Noon -
1:20, Brock Km 200.
Gays, Lesbians & Bisexuals of UBC Discussion
Group. 5pm, Campus Lutheran Charch Lounge.
Gays,Lesbians&BbexualsofUBC Guest speaker
Mary Brooks & BryceWiaterof theGay & Lesbian
Centre. Noon, SUB 21L
UBC Library. Hands on tutorial on searching
UBCLIB, the Library's online catalogue, including
new features PRLMT, find RELATED books, LIMIT
by date, and more. Noou-l:20,ArlsTerminaiRoo-a,
Sedgewick Library, Lower Level
Tuesday. February 9
UBCStudentCoonseBtaj; & Resources Ctr. Workshop: Motivation: Overcoming obstacles to your
academic goals. Nooa • 1:20, Brock Rm 2M.
LBCSt-jdeat Counselling & Resources Clr. Work-
■(hop: Self esteem building for women: Make the
most of who you are. Noon • 1:20, Brock Rm 200.
Gays, Lesbians* Bisexuals of UBC Guest speakers
Dr. Malcolm Crane of the pride community foundation. Noon, SUB 21L
Gays, Lesbians 4 Bisexuals of UBC Film Nile.
7pm, SUB Theatre.
Wednesday. February 10
Women and Development, spring lecture series.
Riva Joshee: "Uaderstanduig thaia Crow b not a
Swan: Commun. Strategies m Doing Research with
South Asian Cdn. Women." 12:30-1-30 pm, Geog.
229.
UBC Student Counselflng & Resources Ctr. Film:
How to get the job you want. Noon -1:20, Brock Rm
208.
Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals of UBC Meeting. Nooa,
Thursday. February 11
Chrbtian Sdence Organization. Testimony meeting. Everyone is welcome. 12*30 pm Buch B234.
UBCStudeBt Counselling & Resources Ctr. Workshop: Beating the student blues. Nooa-1:20, Brock
RbM
Don't let this happen
to your Library privileges!
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University of British Columbia
Please —
Pay your library fines by Feb. 12th
*Library privileges will be SUSPENDED for unpaid bills
Not sure if you have fines? Please call 822-3208
Weekdays 9am-5pm
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Oppression in Guatemala
becoming more sophisticated
by Simon Jones
While the persecution of
Guatemalan indiginous peoples
continues, growing awareness of
the situation has spurred a campaign against that country's military authorities.
Speaking Monday at UBC,
Baltaza Vi Escobar of the Committee for Campesino Unity (CCU)
explained that the problems of
Guatemala's indigenous peoples
"have their roots in the unequal
distribution of land in Guatemala."
Indigenous people represent
60 per cent of Guatemala's total
population but, as Escobar noted,
there are only three indigenous
representatives in the Congress.
The government is dominated by ladinos, those of mixed
indigenous-Spanish blood who
are said to have rejected  their
native heritage.
The indigenous people turn to
organizations such as the Committee, which Escobar said "work
against the repression ofthe government.*
Anti-government protests
have been met with vicious repressive measures.
Most indigenous Guatemalan,
peasants have been dispossessed
and pushed to the infertile soils
of the high sierra. Many others
have been forced off of the land
altogether, and either work as
cheap agricultural labourers or
try to scrape together a living in
the cities.
Escobar provided a graphic
account ofthe more than 30 years
during which the army acted in an
often ruthless and bloody fashion
"to destroy towns, animals and
crops* as part of a campaign to
force indigenous peasants from
their land.
Escobar estimated that army
violence has left 45,000 widows,
40,000 refugees and 100,000 orphans in Guatemala. A further
1.5 million people have been
forced to serve in Civil Defence
Patrols—paramilitary groups organized to help "pacify" the countryside.
"The nature ofthe repression
has also changed in recent
years," Escobar reported. "In the
1980s the government displaced
the rural population, committed
mass murders and adopted a
scorched earth policy. Recently,
the media has been watching
more closely, so there has been a
change in techniques. Instead
there are more kidnappings.
There are disappearances going
on daily."
The plight of Guatemala's indigenous people has received international attention in recent
months since Rigoberta Menchu
Turn, the leader of the CCU received the Nobel Peace Prize.
The international work of
Menchu Turn has helped more
people to "understand the situation in Guatemala, and emphasize the issue of human rights
at the United Nations," Escobar
said.
"Pressure is being brought
onto the Guatemalan government, particularly on the issue of
human rights."
Escobar went on to say that
the significance of Menchu Turn's
UBC students' necrophilic tendancies
have strong showing at polling stations
by Rick Hiebert
What do John F. Kennedy,
Dr. Suess, Salvador Dali, Groucho
Marx and Marilyn Monroe have in
common?
They all ran in the UBC Alma
Mater Society student government
executive elections this year.
Rather, their names appeared
on the ballot, due to an odd loophole allowing the Famous Dead
People slate to contest the elections.
Kennedy ran for AMS President, Seussfor vice-president, Dali
for director of finance, Marx for
director of administration and
Monroe for coordinator of external
affairs.
The slate did well, getting at
least 160 votes for each of the five
positions at stake. Two real people
running were outpolled by the
deceased celebrities. "John F.
Kennedy" got 252 votes, outpolling
Kevin Dettlebach, a real person,
with 180. "Dr. Seuss" got 260 votes,
more than the non-dead Shalan
Parks with 172.
The joke slate was the product
of the fevered minds of the UBC
Science Fiction Society.
"Last year we noticed on the
nomination form the line saying
*Name to be used on ballot.' We
saw that other joke slates were
using fake names like <Yo' and
Tish', and the names didnt have
to be necessarily similar. Thus, we
thought that we'd bring in some
great candidates," said Society
vice-president David New.
New and his friends applied
to run in the election, but chose
the fake names to run under.
They managed to do some of
the traditional UBC campaign activities easily. For the traditional
candidate interview in The Ubyssey, the club members replied to
questions with quotes from the
famous celebrities. At all-candidates meetings, the society members asked for a moment of silence
for each of the Famous Dead
People.
"We consideredrunning Elvis
Presley, but of course he isn't dead,"
sai d Society member Dean McGee.
The campaign cost all of $40,
notincludingthe poster's artwork,
which pictures all the slate members playing croquet.
McGee added that perhaps
UBC students voted for the
Famous Dead People as a protest vote.
PEOPLE
for AMS Executive
John F. Kennedy Dr. Seuss Salvador Dali Groucho Marx Marilyn Monroe
for for for for for
President Vice-President Director of Director of Co-Ordinator of
Finance Administration External Affairs
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"We got a lot of votes from
people who voted for three or four
real people, but couldn't decide on
one ofthe others and just decided
to vote for one ofthe Famous Dead
People," McGee said.
AMS President-elect Bill
Dobie liked the joke, but seriously
hopes that the strength of AMS
efforts were not limited to Guatemala but could be used to "fight on
an international level the problems of all indigenous people ... to
have our rights respected."
Responding to questions
from people who attended the
meeting, organized by the Global
Development Centre and the
Central American Society for
YouthandPeace(ASCAP), Escobar
also added a Guatemalan voice
to the current debate on the
North American Free Trade
Agreement. He suggested that it
would be used to "take resources
out to North America and Europe
... offering only to drown the [Guatemalan] people in hunger."
joke slates doesn't mean that UBC
students are really upset or apathetic with the AMS.
"I do accept the spirit of this,"
he sai d. "But Fd suggest that people
come down to the AMS office and
take their cynicism out on me instead of voting for joke candidates
out of frustration."
Get your Bisexual,
Gay and Lesbian
students' guide now!!
by Lucho van Isschot
A resource guide for
lesbian, gay and bisexual
students is now available
at UBC residences.
The Oay Blade, as
named by its creator
James Currie, has been
distributed to all residence common blocks. It
is published by Student
Housing. Currie decided
to produce the guide because, after two years as
an advisor at Totem Park,
he sensed a serious need
to reach out to lesbian,
gay and bisexual students,
"I guess my main
thought was, when you're
a first year student, you
get all this information...
coupons for the bookstore, coupons for the
Thunderbird Shop.
"You have safe sex information, but you don't
get anything that addresses gay and lesbian
students, or even students who are just wondering about their sexuality."
Janice Robinson,
Residence Life Coordinator at Fairview Crescent, hopes that the
guide will also help to
address the homophobia
that can make UBC residences unsafe for lesbian,
gay and bisexual students.
"We became concerned over the past
couple of years for a
couple of reasons," she
said. "For example, we
had residence advisors
who felt that they had
to quit because they were
gay and felt uncomfortable in a high profile position. We were losing
good people because of
that.
"Secondly, in talking
to gay students on campus X know that when a
student wants to come
out, the first thing they
are usually told to do is
move out of residence.
That is obviously not a
very friendly environment to live in."
The guide is not intended to be just for gay,
lesbian and bisexual students Currie said.
"I just want people in
residence, in general, to
feel more comfortable
with their own sexuality
and with the sexuality of
other people."
Currie has also run
workshops to educate
other residence advisors
about the issues which
may be of concern to lesbian, gay and bisexual
students living in residence.
The four-page guide
introduces students to
the resources that are
available to Vancouver's
gay and lesbian community.
It also lists a number
of the city's gay-friendly
bookstores, restaurants
and clubs and includes
some general information
about lesbian, gay and bisexual issues.
On the whole, the response to The Gay Blade
has been positive —
enough so that Housing
hasrecieved requests for
a second edition according to Robinson. But
they have had some negative feedback as well said
Robinson, "mostly questions about why we did
this."
Starting next year,
The Gay Blade will be part
of the "Welcome to Residence" packages students
are given when they
check into their rooms.
February 5,1993
THE UBYSSEY/3 All you have to do to win
a lovely diamond ring is
be at...
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by Nicholas Delany
This one-hour, two-person play adapted from the work of Charles
Bukowski was a tour de force for Michael Wener who played the male
role tonight, standing in for the actor originally cast.
Wener is also the play's director and we suspect the impresario too.
THEATRE
Erections, Ejaculations, Exhibitions
Vancouver East Cultural Centre
January 16
The Bukowski atmosphere was replete; an earthy view of women
and a down-and-out seedy Los Angeles tone let us know that Bukowski
was in the details.
I had to groan at some ofthe clinical sexual descriptions however.
Equally, portions ofthe performance were painful to watch because of
graphic obscenity. The anatomical emphasis given by both dialogue and
monologue, and by actions, might have revolted some.
However, the gritty, true-ringing portrayal ofthe Angeleno lumpen
underclass compensated for the nastiness. Even if one did cringe from
time to time, on balance the hour was an enjoyable one.
Somehow Werner's orations put one in mind of Steve Martin;
perhaps both men are rather skilled at lampooning Southern Csdifor-
nian white trash.
If spring break suddenly leaves you broke,
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The fastest way to send money.
:V»KSb3K*v
M. Butterfly flutters ponderously by
"Why in the Chinese Opera are women always
portrayed by men? Because only a man would know
how a woman is supposed to act.*'—Song Liling
by Otto Lim and Yukie Kurahashi
Provocative?
But this is only the tip of the
chrysalis; David Hwang's M. Butterfly
attempts to explore the issues of race,
culture, gender, gender identification, exoticization, post-colonialism...
Sounds like a lot, doesn't it?
But wait: he even throws in a
surprise double-twister ending!
THEATRE
M. Butterfly
by David Henry Hwang
directed by Bill Millerd
Arts Club Theatre
until February 20
A tormented encounter between
French diplomat Rene Gallimard
(Allan Gray) stationed in China and
Chinese Opera actor Song Liling (M.
Lasheras Andaluz) is reconstructed
in this adaptation of Puccini's original.
Through a series of flashbacks
Gallimard recounts his nerdy life up
to his affair with Song, on whom he
projects his impossible "feminine"
fantasy of Puccini's Butterfly.
Song—breathtakingly portrayed
by the ever-brilliant Andaluz—seems
willingly to take on the role of
Gallimard's stereotypical "lotus
flower," and plays the part almost to
the point of camp.
But ah—she is revealed to be
much more wily and self-possessed
than Gallimard could ever hope to
handle.
But then again—
Although the images are haunting, the issues of cultural misappropriation and racial mythology convo
lute and confuse the visual intercourse.
For example, why does she,
supposedly a Japan-hating Chinese
nationalist, appear drunk in a kimono, silently clipping flowers in a
bizarre travesty ofthe highly stylized
form of Japanese flower arrangement?
Hwang's analogy ofthe dominating phallic west's perception of the
east as the delicate, submissive,
mysterious female is also ultimately
undermined by thte subthemes of
gender (mis)identification and
homophobia. i
At the end of the play, Hwang's
conclusive erasure and denial of
everything female—every powerful
assertion, every generous compassion, every courageous word—
amounts only to conventional misogyny.
Although this is perhaps the most
important play to see this season,
that this misogyny is such a crucial
part of this production is maddening;
surely this playwright is capable of
more vision than this.
In -wrestling -with the entire
hierarchy of oppressions Hwang
seems to recognize that only in the
demolition of all persecutions is the
struggle for racial or post-colonial
freedom effective.
For M. Butterfly though, he seems
to have taken on too much.
Attention
Cold Sufferers!
Volunteers wanted
for Cold Study
• must have symptoms within last 48
hours (runny nose, watery eyes,
sneezing, stuffy nose, sore eyes)
■ restricted medication in past 24 hours
■ 5 day study - 2 extra visits - physical
exam - blood tests
• $50 compensation for expenses
NEW
Apple Products!
On February 10th, come into UBC Computer Shop
and learn all the details about Apple's newest additions to
their family! Apple® and UBC Bookstore gives you the
power to be your best.™
&&
UBC
Computer   Shop
*Xi
Adi*
of-
Tel 822-4748 Fax 822-8211
E-Mail: computer@booksiore.ubc.ca
Kourss
Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri
8:30 a.m-5:00 pm r?
Wed 8:30 am-8:30 pm
Sat 9:30 am - 5:00 pm 6200 University Boulevard
Apple and tbe Apple logo are registered trademark- ofApple Contputer, Inc. "Thepower to be your ba
MSBOOKSTORE
Adc the nunc or doctor for information
Student Health Service
 822-73H 	
"SPELLBINDING...
(Writer/Director) Nick Gomez makes
an impressive debut."
^-Vincent Canby, NEW YORK TIMES
A KNOCKOUT
DEBUT...
It's his macho, even
ballsy, challenge to
Scorsese that gives his
film its rush...
'LAWS OF GRAVITY'
bristles with talent."
-Manohla Dargis, VILLAGE VOICE
liSto GRAVITY
SOONER OR LATER, EVERYTHING GOES DOWN ^
subject TO       © ISLAND PICTURES-..* A URRY MEISTRICH PRODUCTION . ..NICK GOMEZ  LAKOFGRWITV CgSf"
CLASSIFICATION     AQAM TRESE  PETER GREENE  ECtfFALCO  ARABELLA FIELO PAUL SCHULZE  SAUL STEIN "* ""
-^.r. PROFILE RECORDS INC   POOR RIGHTEOUS TEACHERS  RUN CMC  2ND 1 NONE  NEMESIS DERRICK IRE  NARDO RANKSJUMOfi DEMUS
-KKJEANDeSEGOiW "SB MONICA 8RETHEK10N ..-. TOM McARDLE """'- BOB GOSSE S LAHW MElSIWCH  JEW NICK GOMEZ
rkd V piouhes okikbuton
TH
OPENS FRIDAY, FEB. 5
AT THE ROYAL CENTRE CINEMAS!
M-lilfMI.il
Authorized Campus Dealer
' is a. trademark of Apple Computer, Inc.
2 F0R1
MOVIE OFFER
Present
this two-for-one
coupon at the box-office
of any Cineplex Odeon Cinema
in Canada presenting "Laws of Gravity".
Purchase one adult admission and receive the
second FREE. No mechanical reproductions will be accepted.
Coupon not valid with any other offer and has no cash surrender
value. This offer valid daily except Tuesdays and expires March 31,1993.
4/THE UBYSSEY
February 8,1993
February 5-. if &3
The position of
AMS Ombudsperson
is available.
Responsibilities are to:
investigate and resolve complaints from students;
recruit, supervise and coordinate caseworkers;
sit on various AMS and UBC committees; and
be available for a minimum of 20 hours per week.
Qualifications include:
ability to act as an independent, neutral and objective
officer;
ability to deal effectively with students, faculty and
administrators;
knowledge of the structures and services of the AMS
and UBC; and
ability to work closely with experienced staff.
Please attach your resume to the application available from
Terri Folsom, Administrative Assistant in SUB 238 by
Wednesday, February 10, 1993.
Please direct queries to
Carole Forsythe, Vice President,
in SUB 248 at 822-3092.
FHE UBYSSEY/ 5 '   *
■5-*' /-     ,
■^'^Afe    *-*.•   i'd'.
■ t f    f  ft     f/        e
$?'*'//*
'','/.,      '
EDIT O R I A L
■•s-fi*™-***..*'   f   wsA'S't,
■ ps,{, ;s''""y   ,'*»4.'-*"• ■*''■•■?•*■*•'■■" //'^""iv,
'a'/'/.
Electric limos for the people
After approving as much as a ten per cent tuition fee hike, you'd
think the government would give us a meagre incentive to get to our
classeB. On top of $1000 tuition increases, a buck fifty (at least) for the
buB is a slap in the face.
There shouldn't be a user-fee on public transit in the first place.
Since we have no choice but to work for wages, why should commuters
be penalized for going to work or to -school where we "earn" the
credentials for working? The transit fee is yet another economic barrier
to participating in this society.
The rate hike is especially harmful to students, many of whom are
impoverished. We shouldn't have to choose between getting to school
and eating lunch.
Don't despair, all is not lost. Let them raise "public" transit rates
till Strangway himself can't afford to be chauffeured to school in
"electric lim ousines,''Mean while, there are ways ofbeating tbe system.
Cheatingpublictransit isahighly cultivated art in somecoun tries.
In Paris, itis notuncommon to see even bourgeois women—microscopic
dogs in Louis Vudtton purses included—hopping turnstiles.
Fortunately, our metro system is a little simpler to scam. As you
approach a Sky Train car, Scan the interior for a metro cop—they're the
ones wearing vintage Expo 86 surplus jackets. If you spot one of these
characters on a car, choose another. They can be volatile if they check
tickets on the train.
A good idea is to buy a booklet of one month'B tickets. Keep them
with you, but do not validate them when you hoard the train. Should
you get caught by the hlue meanies, simply Bhow the unvalidated
ticket. Look astonished when s/he points out that it is not validated.
Could be an honest mistake, right?
If you are forced to use the bus, you can underpay eternally, if you
know how. It has been scientifically proven that $0.65 in nickels makes
the weight-sensitilve bottom drop-out before the bus driver can count
the change.
Payingin pennies also confounds things for the system. Tbe driver
cant take 'em ali out to count, and 100 pennies looks a hell Df a lot like
a 150. You'll save 30 per cent on transit costs this way!
Getting in through the back door is a bit tricky, but not impossible.
It's best to try this when a crowd is disembarking. Scrunch down,
squirm yourself through the doors and scurry to a seat. You'll have to
learn which seats are visible in the driver's mirrors and avoid them, of
course. Act natural, and nobody will rat on you.
Not many people know it, but the law is on the side of those who
can't afford "public" transit. Believe it or not, transit official cannot
legally refuse a ride to you; they are actually supposed to write out a
IOU form. (This must be a throwback to those wacky 60s, when people
talked about equality).
Getting around on public transit is becoming an unaffordable
privilege. At least on the books, it's a right. Use it
vmik <vt**t> €utd a, lea? ,   >
theUbyssey
The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University Preaa-*,
at the time we must have thought it waa a good idea or something.
February 5,1993.
The Ubyssey It published Tuesdays and Fridays by the Alma Mater Society of the University of British Columbia. Editorial opinions are those of the stair and not
necessarily those of the university administration, or of the sponsor. The editorial office is room 241K of the Student Union Bul'dln-**. Editorial Deoartment. Dhone
822-2301; advertising. 822-3977; FAX 822-9279.
It was one of those life times when Stan Paul just didnt feel like dealing with the letter Z, or the numbers 9 or 6 for that matter. Francis Foran
on the other hand had many things to point out, with her new found pointy point Jan Foraerj-Jst knew he smelt a rat, perhaps the world famous
leader of marketing sales, mickey mouse. Mark Neflsen had very little to say about life after death, he had enough to do, finding a comb and all.
Meanwhile, Miranda Alldritt had visions of angels, the naked kind But Yukie Kurahashi just knew angels (the biblical sense, why not.) Lucho
van Isschot once had a very good dream...but that's another story. Peter Clibbon, no he waant in Lucho's dream, but then wouldnt that be
interesting. Sam Green said enough of this sUlinees and demanded-that all spare nickels be returned to her immediately. (Unfortunately, liz
Van Assum had a queen fetish and pouted in the comer. Meanwhile Siobhan Koantree slap shot around the planet at 153 000 miles an hour in
search of truth. Rick Hiebert said 'get back down here, I already know it'. Steve Chan fell to the ground in giggles, after all a photograph is not
a replication of reality. Doug Ferris nodded his hippy head, his being exuding those famous wards, *ya man'. Nick Delaney took the magic flaming
bush from Doug's hand and grinned. Meanwhile, Simon Says stared into the darkness, but the glowing light could not be found. Otto lam looked
too, but he fell into a tunnel. At the end of yet another life time, Paula Wellings ripped off her rotting clothes and in her decaying, yet sexy. corpse
began a search for Denise Woodley. Edltora
Frances Foran • Sam Green • Yukie Kurahashi
Lucho van Isschot • Paula Wellings
Letters
The Ubyssey welcomes letters on any Issue. Letters must be typed and are not to exceed 300 words in length. Content which is judged to be libelous, homophobic, sexist, racist or factually Incorrect
will not be published. Please be concise. Letters may be edited for brevity, but It Is standard Ubyssey policy not to edit letters for spelling or grammatical mistakes. Please bring them, with identification,
to SUB 241k. Letters must Include name, faculty, and signature.	
Practise what you
preach
Let me begin by writing that
I thought the Environment issue
of The Ubyssey was reasonably
well written and informative. Ifs
important that someone keeps an
eye on corporate polluters, regardless of the 'greenwash.'
However, I'm concerned that The
Ubyssey does not address or recognize its own environmentally
destructive behaviour. By this I
mean the printing, every week, of
thousands more copies of The
Ubyssey than the campus can
possibly support.
During a survey of campus
buildings, 6000 unread Ubysseys
dating back one month were
counted. Considering the limited
scope of such a survey, this is a
very conservative estimate. At
approximately .05 kg/copy, the
6000 unread copies, per month,
accumulate to 2.4 tonnes of wasted
paper during the eight month
winter session. The real figure is
probably twice that amount. This
puts pressure on a system which
cannot bear it. It may seem that
2.4 tonnes is not a big deal; however, it is a big deal when one
considers thehypocrisy committed
by a paper which consistently
presents itself as a defender of
environmental causes.
One could excuse this incredible waste if the overproduction was just the result of Ubyssey
staff overzealousness. While I
trust their enthusiasm, the reason
for their overproduction is more
mercenary. Advertisers pay more
for a higher circulation. Thafs
what it comes down to for the
newspaper that has been "countering culture since 1918"—
money.
I enjoy The Ubyssey, and I
feel that the portion of my AMS
fees which subsidize it is money
well spent; but, as an interested
"shareholder," of sorts, I feel I must
voice my concern over this paper's
hypocrisy and deceit. It is your
responsibility to your children and
children's children to resolve this
problem.
Scott Urquhart
Arts 4
A letter we
wouldn't dare
print
I found your Friday January
29th, 1993issuetobeaveryinter-
esting piece of work. Right there
on the front cover, no less, we have
the words "GARBAGE",
"WASTE", "CLEAR-CUT BIG
TREES", and my all time favorite
"AND THE HYPOCRISY".
Anyone on this campus can
easily see that your newspaper is
also to blame for this problem of
waste and disappearingtrees. Just
go into any building and you can
see that there are always filled
racks containing your untouched
newspapers.
I suggest that your newspaper
reduce the number printed each
Tuesday and Friday so that some
trees can be saved. Moreover, even
though your newspaper is printed
on recycled paper, this would be
no excuse because energy is still
used in the recycling process and
this in itself depletes the earth's
resources, increasing pollution of
the environment.
I beg of you to do your part
and free up some paper so that it
could be used elsewhere. I hope in
the future the UBYSSEY racks
are empty because every single
copy has been taken and read by
someone who has passed it on to
someone else.
I conclude this letter with the
firm belief that it will never, ever
be published in your newspaper
because you are the HYPO
CRITES that should have been
named on the front cover. Well, lo
and behold, your name is in fact
printed there and rightly so in big,
bold letters. Have a nice day and a
GREEN one at that
P.S. Cancel my subscription!
Jaci Price
Physical Education 3
The original
position-up or
down
Let us consider the ethical dilemma surrounding the toilet bowl.
You may ask what dilemma, the
stain? No , nothing as trivial as
that will be discussed here. Rather,
we will debate the original position ofthe toilet seat. Is its original
position up, or down?
Some enjoy standing up, others prefer sitting down. I myself
prefer to sit. Nonetheless, I have
been known to stand up whilst
performing the act. Indeed this
choice has led to my grief from
those who prefer to sit. These
people claim the Original Position
is down. I, having an inquiring
mind, and no money either, question the justification for such a
proposition. How does one determine the original position of the
toilet seat without making universal claims about toilet seat
ethics.
Avoiding charges of universal
claims, they claim the central issue
is a matter of practicality, that
cashes outin terms of a wetbehind.
To this I answer, Why do I have to
lift it up and put it back down,
when all they have to do is sit?
Mind you, I could leave it down,
however, I admit my aim is not
that good which leads us back to
the wet bum syndrome.
Fortunately, because I live
behind the veil of ignorance, Ihave
no solution to this problem. But I
suggest further investigation into
a practical solution that would
avoid universal claims about the
original Position ofthe toilet seat,
and instead would include a more
contextual approach the aggregate
of ethics surrounding Bathroom
Behavior. A brief survey of such
issues should include the existen
tial reality of being caught without
paper; a deconstructionist view to
personal hygiene; a contractarian
analysis of hot water supply; and
an applied ethical approach to the
utility of sewage [whose common
good does it serve anyway?].
Stephen Giles
Arts 3
Slate politics a sham
by Jan Forcler
Was there ever any real doubt about
who would win the AMS elections?
We've had campaign slates for
three years and each year a dominant
slate has swept the AMS elections. In
1991 Jason Brett's Unity slate claimed
every position. In 1992 Martin Ertl's
slate also won 5 out of 5. And this year,
Bill Dobie's group seized all but one of
the executive positions.
Theeiection success of slates shows
they have serious advantages over independent candidates.
For this reason, the
AMS should seriously
consider whether they should be limited.
Individual candidates are not ah
lowed to spend more than $150 each on
theeiection. Groups, however,can pool
their monies and spend more on mem.
bers who have strong competition.
Slates can also print far more posters
than independent candidates by taking
advantage of bulk rates. They can also
increase their posters' visual impact by
making ail of their candidates' posters
similar. Last year's Students' Voice
slate put up many more of their posters
than any other candidate could ever
hope to.
Also, by saving money on printing, slates have more funds available
for other expenditures such asfree beer
and fortune cookies.
But the most important advantage of being a member of a slate is that
Freestyle
a few strong candidates, or "shoe-in's",
can attract votes to less popular candidates through their association with "star
candidates".
Besides the fact that slate members
have campaign advantages over independents, the most unfair aspect of slate
politics is the way in which the slates are
formed. The strongest groups are made
up exclusively of AMS insiders and hacks.
Personal differences often determine who
gets on the winning team.
Both Janice Boyle
and Carolyn Jones ran
as independents, partially because of conflicts with theStudents
First slate.Although Janice broke"slate-
power" with her election victory, Carolyn
lost by such a slim margin that being on
the slate probably would have gotten her
elected
If council members are really concerned about the society's accessibility,
they should seriously question a system
which chooses executive candidates In
the back rooms of the SUB.
Slates givemembers a distinct edge
over Independent candidates, enough so
to swing every election for the last three
years.
This trend will undoubtedly continue unless the AMS admits that this
system leaves other candidates out in the
cold. Don't hold your breath for change
in our electoral system since it's in the
Insiders' interest to maintain "continuity" and pass the torch on to their colleagues next year.
I
L
Ooooops!!!
The Ubyssey made an error in its election coverage last
issue. The actual results for the AMS Vice-President
position are as follows:
Janice Boyle    1,094
Christa Cormack   821
Ron Fremont      264
Dr. Seuss        260
Woodchuck        205
Shalan Parks      172
.J
6/THE UBYSSEY
February 5.1993 O PIN ION
Spieriinii love tofu burgers
By Jonty Bogardus
It has become obvious that it is
going to take more than the three
R's to save the world from environmental destruction.
However, unless you wish to
become a hemp activist or picket
environmentally unfriendly corporations, the Tues. Jan. 26 issue
of the Ubyssey was a little short
suggesting ways in which we as
individuals may help.
We must realize that not everyone will expend the time or energy
to make environmental concerns a
top priority. But, what many
people may be willing to do is to
make simple lifestyle changes that
will have a positive impact on the
environment.
So, what is an environmentally
conscious but otherwise occupied
person to do? Simple, stop eating
meat.
Why? Because the production
of animal products for human consumption is the single greatest
cause of continued global environmental destruction.
One third of all natural resources consumed in the U.S. is for
the production of meat. How come?
To produce one kilogram of beef
requires 16 kilograms of grain, soy
or corn and 20,000 litres of
water.
In fact, if the water and
feed were not subsidized beef
would cost $60 a kilogram.
In California, 42% of all
water is consumed by the
production of livestock. No
meat = no drought.
Also, for every calorie of
energy that we receive from
beef seventy-eight calories of
fossil fuels were consumed in
its production. On the other
hand, the production of a vegetarian diet requires only one
twentieth of the fossil fuel
energy of a meat based diet.
In fact, if you are a meat-
eater, please drive your car to
school instead of walking. It actually turns out to be more fuel efficient.
So you want to save the
rainforests? Much of the deforested rainforests of Central and
South America are currently being used as grazing land for cattle.
No demand for beef = no need for
continued destruction.
260 million acres of land are
currently being used for food production in the U.S. 204 million
acres could be returned to nature
through the elimination of livestock production.
Why? One acre of land can
produce over 10,000 kilograms of
potatoes. The same acre can produce only 80 kilograms of meat.
And what about pollution? Well,
100,000 kilograms of excrement
are produced every second by livestock in the U.S. Most will eventually find its way into waterways,
making it a greater source of pol-
Perspective
lution than all municipal and industrial sources combined.
A simple change in your lifestyle
will reduce your energy consumption drastically, reduce pollution
and allow almost one acre of farm
land to return into its natural state.
However, the environment is just
one of many reasons, as shall be
briefly demonstrated, as to why
we should all become vegetarians.
The use and abuse of animals
for food is simply specieism and
rests on similar ethical grounds to
racism and sexism.
Culturally, we are no longer
hunters and gatherers. Meat has
become a luxury, one that we can
no longer afford.
Healthwise the choice is obvious. One half of all meat-eaters
will die from a heart related disease. In contrast, only 4% of vegetarians will perish as a result of a
heart attack or stroke.
A meat-eater al so risks a greater
chance of contracting colon, breast,
bowel and prostate cancers.
Osteoporosis, dia.betes, ulcers, arthritis, asthma amd hypertension
are similarly related to meat consumption.
My favorite health related sta
tistic comes from a recent study of
U.S. university students. PCB's,
still present in the environment
even though its use has been discontinued, were found in every
sperm sample taken for this study.
Its existence is believed to be the
major reason why average sperm
counts are only 70% of the level
recorded thirty years ago.
Also one in four male students
were foun d to be functionally sterile. I don't know about you, but
anything that might make me
sterile I'm going to avoid as best I
can.
Still, many people remain
unconvinced ofthe virtues of vegetarianism. Concerns fueled by
ignorance and fear appear to be
the greatest factors in its continued denial.
While there is not time to assuage every possible concern here
I can address the one that is most
frequently voiced. Whenever I
make my dietary preference known
I am almost invariably asked, "But,
where do you get your protein?"
The simplest answer to this
question is another question.
"Where do cows get their protein?"
Amino acids, the building
blocks of proteins, exist in every
fruit, vegetable and grain.
Without going into detail,
suffice to say that it is extremely difficult (i.e. without
going heavy on the junk food)
to not get enough protein in
your diet provi de d you are not
malnourished.
In other words, unless you
are anorexic or bulimic, a vegetarian diet contains more
than enough protein.
The only valid concerns are
with vitamins B12 and D and
iron, which complete vegetarians (no milk or eggs) can
be deficient in. However,
popping the occasional multivitamin will eliminate this
potential problem.
The choice seems clear. Vegetarianism is not a fad. You do not
have to be a Hippie or an enviro-
freak to become one. It is simply
the only rational choice for our
generation. Help the environment
and help yourself. Don't eat meat.
If you wish more information
on this topic come see me in the
Arts office in Buch A107 or refer to
A Diet for a New America by John
Robbins. But, whatever you do,
don't ignore this opportunity to
make a difference.
2F
<m
x\
^m^^y,
Sunday
4pm- 11pm
lO"
X-LARGE
$18.00
14"
LARGE
$12.00
822-4396
Just call and we'll be there!
... drama, films, music,
public speaking, readings,
symposia and exhibits.
presented t>v
Creative and Performing Arts Depatments
Faculty of Arts
The University of British Columbia
February 11 -14,1993
For information and brochure call 822-55'?4
The position of
Assistant Director of Finance
is available.
Responsibilities include:
- reporting to the Director of Finance;
- keeping regular office hours;
- assisting clubs and constituencies in preparing their
budgets;
- orientating treasurers to the procedures of the Business Office and to the fiscal policies of the AMS; and
- membership on the Student Administrative Commission.
Please deliver your resume to Terri Folsom, Administrative Assistant, in SUB 238 by Wednesday, February
10,1993.
Please direct queries to Bill Dobie, Director of Finance,
in SUB 258 at 822-3973.
mm
i^j
Try it STEAMY HOT!
Directions:
Pour in
microwave
safe mug
and! heat to
desired
temperature.
Made from real
Italian espresso
coffee, whole
milk and sugar.
No Artificial
Flavouring,
Colouring or
Preservatives.
dinoccino!
•®*®*©-©*®W*®*©©*®t©*©©*W©*®-®*©©
When it rains, we pour on the specials!
...come to the AMS
"Va/wi£ime b Q)au
7
7
9
February 10th - 12th
v   •» •»•»
«■>      T
»     «•
•»   »
9
**? ENTER TO WIN VALENTINE PRIZES! **?
C9      Complete the af lathed entry form and drop lm the Prize      C9
T      Draw Box located in the SUB Concourse durlnai the show.       T
m Drawl Thurs. Feb. 11th @ 5:OOpm. M
•©©•^•^•^•W*®^*^^^^*^^*^*^^*®*^
Name
Faculty/Dept./Co
Phone No.
* only one entry per person
February 5,1993
THE UBYSSEY/7 COLOUR
LASERS!
s1.45 1st copy
.95 each additional
copy
(8.5 x 11 Irom same uaiiej
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2ND FLOUR 2174 W. PARKWAY
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How to make a spectacle of yourself
U.B.C       SURREY    KELOWNA
228-8080   584-8080    862-3188
UBC AWARDS
William G. Black
Memorial Prize
William G. Hack Memorial Prize - a prize in the amount of
approximately $1,600 has been made available by the late
Dr. William G. Black The topic for the essay will be designed to attract
students from all disciplines. The competition is open to students who are
enrolled in undergraduate or professional programs and who do not
already possess a graduate degree. A single tope of general nature related
to Canadian citizenship will be presented to students at the tin*ie of the time
of the competition. Duration of the competion will be two hours.
Candidates should bring their student card for identification.
The competition will be held:
DATE: Saturday, February 13, 1993
TIME: 10:00 a.m. -12 noon
PLACE: Scarfe 100
by Douglas Ferris
My mother always told me
that I shouldn't make a spectacle of myself. Okay, a cardinal
rule it wasn't, but there are
people who make a living off this
stuff.
"Visit over 200 exhibits and
talk to the experts in the field,"
the pamphlet said. Eighteen different seminars on how to
shamelessly promote yourself
and/or your product.
Special Events Exhibition
"under the sails"
January 26 and 27
Vancouver Trade and
Convention Centre
The seminar syllabus included topics like "How to get
free press" Qike this), "Special events and the law," "Beyond conventional," and my
personal favorite, "How to
reach ethno-cultural communities."
Some came for office
party decoration tips, some
for new product line displays,
some to see distributors undercut each other. Me? Well... I...
don't have a life.
I walked in and strolled down
an aisle, idiot-grin plastered on
my face. Finally looking up, I
saw the Herve Villachez Memorial Tattoo Booth (Wonder of
wonders! Could Tattoo be dead?).
Industrial tattoos. IBM logos
proudly displayed on corporate
buttheads. GMC tricycles, Dow
Chemical scull and crossbones,
briefcases with Harley Davidson
wings.
Then it hit me. No corporate
droogie could ever strike that billion-dollar deal with a sinking
Exxon Valdez on his/her forehead.
"Wait a second, those tattoos
are wash-off fakes," I almost
screamed to the crowd milling
around the booth. But then I re
gained control, reminding myself that I had entered the land of
two-dimensional fraud. The
whole point of a good spectacle,
after all, is its hollowness, its
deliberate flatness, and most of
all, its complimentary sampler
packs.
Feeling tougher, or at least
more conspicuous with a shark
tattooed on my forehead, I walked
around tryin' to make some
friends. "Fat chance bucko," my
overworked sense of reality said.
But reality is butter and I am
Shonen Knife.
I browsed. I schmoozed. I
giggled. I watched the free entertainment—Fitness World's
aerobic's instructors—on the
"main stage." I kept walking up
to people stuck in the 12 to 20
person-deep free beer lineup,
asking them to pose for the "hidden camera." My sobriety, I
assumed, was an obvious
downer on their fun.
I kept trying to interview
the guy who rented out corporate yachts, but he kept interrupting me to ask which
paper I was with. The spectacle-man wanted $5,000
minimum for the opening ceremony for my lobotomy. The
helicopter free-samples had
shut down; as if they were ever
open in the first place! I overheard that the barbecue was
great, while I busily scraped
up popcorn dregs. Mr. Tube
Steak didn't have any "Tubular Sausage Food," and the
stripper-comedienne was busy.
"Thanks heaps!" I muttered,
as I cautiously edged my way to
the exit. But before reaching the
door, I was attacked by free
chocolate samples. Strangely,
the sugar-induced rush was
soothing, allowing for 10 seconds
of quiet reflection.
Morally speaking, there really is nothing wrong with orgies
of idiocy like the Special Events
Exhibition. Nothing, at least,
that a can of fluorescent, safety-
orange spray-paint can't cure.
February
Schedule of Events
pOHT UNDERSTA»b
A one-man sho\
(or studs, wimps,
nice guys, jerks,
dweebs, hunks,
boyfriends,
nerds, bachelors,
jocks, sissies,...
macho men,
brothers, Playboys,
dudes, dickheads,
womanizers,
SNAGs, husbands,
sex machines,
dorks, lover-boys,
bullies,
hearfbreakers &
Written & Performed b
Monday Feb 8th
SUB Auditorium
Eugene Ripper &
Dead Head Cool
4*e^.   fStU
Rumplesteelslcin
-..'.M. -siXdiX:. <.* .
The Watchmen
Info line: 822-6273
s
YAMAHA
provided by
Locations on the UBC Campus
February 22nd - 26th
Free Shows
SUB Auditorium
UBC Student Union Building
lunchtime shows 12:30pm
I The Gallery Lounge
UBC Stud-ant Union Building
lunchtime shows 12.*30pm
pianos evening shows 8:00pm
Thea's
UBC Graduate Student Centre
2 bands per night
evening shows 7:00 & 9:00pm
For more Info, call 822-8998
An AMS Programs and AMS Jazz, Folk *L Blues Club Production
8/THE UBYSSEY
February 5.1993