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The Ubyssey Apr 3, 1980

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Array THE UBYSSEY
Vol. LXII No. 69
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Final Edition, Page 2
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3,1980 mmmikim»~m ' iwrnmrn^mmmmmm mmmi,«i<m wminr:iiM«iiiifiiiiiiiti»rt «■ ••* m.,mm»>mii»m»>m»<,i.h
THE
The Draft .5   Year In Review .. .21
'Nuffsaid
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Thursday, April 3, 1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition, Page 3 THE UBYSSEY
APRIL 3, 1980
Co-Editors: Heather Conn and Tom Hawthorn
CHAPTER 26
And it came to pass, when Jesus had finiahed all these press days. He said unto his disciples (don't
hold your breath) George Hermanson, Peter Menyasz, Jerry Swanson, Doug Brown, Shaffin Shariff,
Alice Thompson, Gerre Galvin, Barry Gordon, Stanley Wesby. Kath White, Lawrence Panych and In
grid Matson, "Ye know that after today is the Easter break and the banquet following, and the Son of
The Ubyssey is during this time betrayed to be crucified." Then assembled together the chief editors.
Julie Wheelwright, Geof Wheelwright and Kevin Finnegan, then the scribes, among whom there were
Glen Sanford, Peter Ferguson, Nancie Suzuki, Terry Asseltine and Randy Hahn. and the elders of the
people, Chris Gainor, Bruce Baugh, Mike Bocking, Greg strong and Ralph Maurer, unto the palace of
the high priests, where dwelt Tom Hawthorn and Heather Conn.
They consulted that they might take Jesus by subtlety and kill Him. But they said, not during the
break when people will not notice and it will not be worth covering. Now when Jesus was in Bethany,
a little outside of Whalley and a hell of a long way from Eric Eggerton, Saskatchewan, in the house of
ed O'Brien the leper, there came to Him Erica Leiren and Joan Marklund bearing an alabaster box of
very precious drugs and administered them in silver spoons as He sat at meat.
But when His disciples saw it they had indigestion, saying, "To what purpose is this waste? This fine
pharmaceutical could have been sold for much and the proceeds used to cop some smoke for us all."
When Jesus managed to focus and understood it. He said unto them, "Why trouble ye the women?
for they hath wrought a good work upon me. For ye have a craving for good smoke always, but me ye
have not always, pr all ways, anyway. Verily I say unto you, wheresoever this newspaper shall be
published in the whole world, there shall also be this, that these women have done, be told for £
memorial of this fine snow they brought."
Then one of the twelve, called Jerry Swanson just in case anyone who reada this wants to hound his
family into extinction, went unto the chief editors and said to them, "What will you give me, and I will
deliver him unto you?" And they covenanted with him for 30 grams of the finest Thai stick. From thai
time on he sought opportunity to betray Him. Some 15 verses of Matthew later, after some weirc
cabalistic ritual involving symbolic cannibalism and vampirism, saith Jesus unto them, "Yearly when I
have risen again, I will go before you into Galilee." Peter answered, "Though all men be offended
because of thee, yet I will never be offended." Jesus said unto him. "Verily I say unto thee, that this
year, before the last dog is hung thou shaK deny me thrice." Peter said, "Though I should die with
thee, yet I will not deny thee." Likewise also said Glen Downie, Dianne Baker, Betay Probyn, Rory
Munro and Bhagwant Sandhu.
And their eyes were heavy and severally did tha drunkest soon pass out, then cometh Jesus unto a
place called Gethsemane, or maybe Shard Mammernick, or whatever, and He took with him Peter and
the two sons of Matt King, Paul von Matt and Matt Adamson, and having taken some very fine white
blotter. He began to be sorrowful and very heevy. Then He ssith to them, as well as to a puzzled Greg
Mittag, Ken Swartz, Monika Schmidtxe, Phrl Keuber and Vic Bonderoff, a seminar of trivialist linguists
who had met at the rock to decide if Kerry Regier's name was an Aryan one, "My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death; tarry ye here and watch with me."
"Must be fucking-A acid," said Yvette Stachowiak and Barb Selby, Bob Trysdale, Mandy Wheelwright and Dave Francis murmured in agreement while Jesus raved at some invisible being, maybe Tim
Langmead, or maybe one of the Sjoberga, Stephen and Claudia. And He came and found them, even
Kathryn Thurman. asleep again: for their eyes were heavy and Hia was not an exceedingly interesting
bad trip. And He left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words to
intangibles the like of Anna Banana and Prudence Rambsbottom.
Then cometh He to his disciples and saith unto them, "Sleep on now and take your rest: behold, the
hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners." Seeing that beholding was
difficult when everyone wes blissfully sleeping on. He changed His mind and said "Rise, let us be going: behold he is at hand that doth betray me."
And while He yet spake, lo, Jerry, one of the 12, came, and with Him a great multitude with swords
and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people, a great bunch of guys with expert timing,
let's hear it for Ralf Sameh. Brad Stock, Alan Favell, Randy Samoa, Michael Helfinger, Sherry Evans,
Marili Moore and Mark timmis playing the multitude. Now he that betrayed Him gave them a sign, saying "Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is He: hold Him fast, He's a lusty one." And forthwith he
came to Jesus and said, "Hail, master," and kissed Him.
Jesus, not really used to being kissed by people with beards and still wrung out on the blotter, said
unto him, "Friend, wherefore art thou come?" Then came they and laid hands on Jesus and took Him,
being as disinclined to answer befuddled questions from dangeroua auspects in 29 A.D. aa now. And
behold, Larry Green flashed out his thin shiv of Jim Steel and struck Kathy Ford, a servant of the high
priestesses, and smote off her ear. "Missed. Should have got her mouth." muttered Marcus Gee.
Then said Jesus unto him, "Put up again thy sword into his place," and He neatly etched an X with
His fingernail on Gee's nose, "for all they that take the city desk shall perish with the news desk.
Thinkest thou that I cannot pray to my Father, and he shall presently ('Currently,' hissed Terry Glavin)
give me more than twelve ('12,' corrected Nancy Campbell) legions of reporters? Well, okay maybe
He'd only send Chris Simpson, J. Vander Muelen or Keith Baldrey. But how then shall the scriptures
be fulfilled, that thus it must be?"
No one had an answer to that one, and in that same hour said Jesus to multitudes (this time played
by Steve Reilly, Ian Stanwood, Yvan Fortin, Will Morphy and Judi Smith, a big hand for these people).
"Are you come out as against an engineer or an AMS hack with swords and staves for me to take me? I
sat daily with you typing in the office, and ye laid no hold on me." But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook Him, not giving e domn for the
scriptures of the prophets, and hauled ass to save ass.
And they that had laid hold on Jesus led Him away to Tom and Heather, the high poobahs. where
the scribes and elders were assembled. But Peter followed him afar off unto the high poobah desk, and
entered, and sat with M. Davies, Ruby and Nina the servants, to see the end. Now Tom and Heather,
and elders, and all the council, sought reporting inaccuracies against Jesus, yet found they none. At
the last came two lousy reporters, David Morton and Merrilee Robson, and said, "This fellow said, 'I
will destroy the office wtth B.C. Tel artillery and it will be clean again in three days.' "
Then Tom and Heather arose and questioned Him, but Jesus was obviously still flying and He
described a few of his hallucinations. They politely applauded and asked. "What think ye?" The elders
answered and said, "He is guilty of death." A shudder went through the staff, knowing wall the penalty for being found dead in a public place. Then did Curtis Long spit in His face and Mike Mong buffeted
Him, and Dave Mong, Chris Chong and Ben Wong smote Him with the palms of their hands, saying,
"Prophesy unto us. Which Ong is he that smote thee?"
Now Peter sat without in the palace, without hope, without Cheryl Brown, without anything: and
damsel Kate Andrew came unto him, saying, "Thou wast also with Page Friday of The Ubyssey." But
he denied before them all, saying, "I know not what thou sayest." And when he was gone out into the
porch, another maid, Louise Galoska saw him and said unto them that were there, "This fellow was
also with Page Friday of The Ubyssey." And again ha denied with an oath, "Never heard of the fucking
thing."
And after a while came unto him they that stood by, Janet Comin, Glen Buhr, Chris Bocking and
Fran Watters, and said to Peter, "Surely thou art one of them, for thy speech betrayeth thee." Then
began he to curse and to swear, saying, "You essence of filth excreted by vomit-filled bowels after
buggering by drunken iguanas, I know not the darn thing." And immediately the last dog was hung,
another great piece of timing, perfectly executed by stagehands Michele Lawford, Sean Cahill, Barry
McKay and Craig Simpson. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which, since you haven't been
paying attention, said unto him, "Before the last dog be hung, thou shah deny me thrice." And Peter
shrugged and said, "So what?"
CHAPTER 27
When the spring was come, all the chief editors and elders of the staff took counsel against Jesus to
put Him (p death: and when they had bound Him and whipped Him a little and teased Him with a peacock feather, they led Him away and delivered Him to Bill Tieleman of the national executive. Then
Jerry, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, was pissed off at himself and
brought again the 30 grams of Thai stick to the chief editors and elders, saying, "I have been had in being not invited to the orgy," and they said, "What is that to us? See thou to that." And Jerry cast
down tho Thai in the office and departed and went and hanged himself. And the chief editors took the
drugs and said, "It is not lawful for to put them in the treasury for everyone, because we did welch by
not inviting him along." And they sat down for a good smoke.
And Jesus stood before Bill Tieleman: and the chief asked him, saying, "Art thou the Grand Sandwich? Dost thou know of the Clash?" And Jesus said unto him, "Huh?" Now at that feest the governor
was wont to release unto the people a prisoner, whom they would (ol' Matthew doesn't tell us what
they would do to the whom).
And they had a notable prisoner, called Andrea Demchuk. Therefore, when they were gathered together, Tieleman said unto them, "Whom will ye that I release unto you? Andrea, or Jesus which is
called Son of The Ubyssey? For he knew that for envy they had delivered Him. When he was sat down
in his judgment seat, Jan Nicol sent unto him, saying, "Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for
I have suffered many things this day in a dream becauae of Him."
But the chief editors and elders persuaded the multitude, augmented for the wide-screen crowd
scene with Eros Pavan, Frances Thomson, Robert Jordan, Gene Long, Carly Skjeluik, Geoff Nash and
Sandy Kouritzin, that they should ask Andrea (Matt won't say what they asked her) and destroy Jesus.
After some pointless arguing for Jan's sake. Bill released Andrea unto them for some fun and games,
and when he had bound and whipped and teased Jesus with an ostrich feather, he delivered Him to be
crucified Then the soldiers of the bureau chief, Danny Moon, Wendy Hunt and Christine Wright, took
Jesus into the gay bar and gathered unto him the whole band of soldiers, lots of them. There was
Elnora Palmer, Angela Baungartel, Jane Shackell, Bill Romaine, Charles Campbell, Sheila Burns, Scott
and Kevin Griffin, Orson Yee, Brad Mennie, Paul Wilson and Glen Bohn.
And they stripped Him and after a bit of harmless fun, put on Him a scarlet robe, a little lace and
some lovely stockings. And when they had plaited a crown out of Sally Thorne, they put her on His
head and a reefer in His right hand: and they bowed the knee before Him, and . . . well, this goes on
for two more tasteless verses. And as they came out, they found a person from Serene, Steve Howard
by name: him they compelled to bear His cross. "Sure, be glad to help any time, old pal. say, what's
the party about. Having fun? Hey, ever tried good tree frog beer? I tell ya, God couldn't make better,"
said Steve.
And when they were come unto Mount Kevin McGee, that is to say, a place where you get blasted
out of your skull, they gave him Brador to drink mixed with Cuervo Special: and when He tasted thereof, he would not drink. So they crucified Him. Ross Burnett, Stuart Dee, Jim Duggan and Richard
Schreiner took the publicity shots, Geoff Orson, Mark Jaskela, Chris Hooper and John Kula painted
scenes in early medieval and Renaissance styles for the antique print market and Heather Walker came
out of retirement to report the story, Richard Noble reviewed it for B.C. Catholic, Paisley Woodward
provided Jesus' simple yet tasteful costume, Elizabeth Collins wondered whether she was Elizabeth
Collins, Ian Morton wondered how he could possibly be related to Elizabeth Morton and neither Ron
Maki nor Stuart Dee could figure out how they fit in at alt. Proofreading and credits by Gary Brookfield.
Then there were two thieves crucified with Him, Verne McDonald and Steve McClure, one on the
right hand and another the leftist. After they had asked some personal questions of Him and made a
few witty remarks about His nose. He said unto them, "Despair, for this night will begin your year in
Hell." While the three of them tried to improvise a barbershop harmony of Look On The Bright Side,
Holly Nathan said, "I don't believe He's God, do you?" Maxine Sevack said, "nope."
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Final Edition, Page 4
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3,1980 *
By PETER MENYASZ
It's 1980 and the United States is moving
into hawkish times. Threatened by emasculation at the hands of a band of Iranian revolutionaries and forced to watch helplessly
while the USSR invaded Pakistan,
U.S.military might is at an all-time low.
And the U.S. armed forces are at dangerously low personnel levels. Despite a growing sentiment of nationalism and flag-waving, the regular services, reserves and national guard are sorely depleted in numbers.
So U.S. president Jimmy Carter came up
with what seemed the perfect solution — re-
institute the draft. But there were a number
of factors Carter didn't count on, and they
might well scuttle his efforts to beef up
America's sagging military.
"We are opposed to registration and
draft of anyone," says National Organization of Women spokeswoman Dorothy
Young Sale. "But if we are unsuccessful in
stopping reinstitution of registration," she
says, "then women should be included."
Many draft critics charge that the inclusion of women in Carter's registration proposal was purely a political move to win the
votes of U.S. women in the upcoming federal election. But if that is true, the tactic is
not working. If anything, it has caused Carter election indigestion.
"The House (of Representatives) has
pretty well killed registration for women already," Sales says. She says Carter introduced women's registration as a separate
bill because he didn't want opposition to
drafting women to stand in the way of his
efforts.
And the Carter administration's overspending on its budget has put another
stumbling block in the way of bringing back
the draft. Congress will not approve the expenditures necessary to re-establish registration because there is no money left in the
budget.
Anti-draft
feeling faces
military plans
Sale also says she objects to Carter's assurance that even if women are drafted they
will not be put in the danger of active combat.
"There's a great lack of understanding of
women's roles in the armed forces," she
says. "It (Carter's assurance) is an old
hangover. It perpetuates the myth that women in the armed forces are not involved in
combat."
Sale adds that more than "7,000 women
received combat pay during the Vietnam
war, "but they were never put in combat."
She says women that work as nurses or supply clerks in the front lines are not considered to be "in combat" although they are in
as much danger as the combat troops
around them.
NOW isn't the only group organizing
against a potential draft. The Seattle Draft
and Military Counselling Centre provides
information tor people worried about registration. They provide information for
those who want to be registered as conscientious objectors.
"The big surge of interest was after Carter's speech (announcing his intention to introduce registration)," says draft counsellor Louise Running. "We had a lot of
calls, but things have cooled down a bit."
Running says as many women as men
called asking for information in the first
panic, but the counselling centre has been
able to tell them very little. "We have no
hard information," she says.
"The most common question has been
'How can 1 establish the fact that I'm a conscientious objector,' " Running says. She
says the centre is recommending objectors
write down their position and file it with an
anti-draft organization. "We are presuming
if your conscientious objection is filed before your draft notice it will be better for
you."
And Running says that as 1980 is an election year, anti-draft sentiment can be used
as a political weapon. "Be sure to get to
your congressmen and tell them 'I don't
want a draft,' " she says.
The American Civil Liberties Union is
another U.S. organization actively participating in the anti-draft movement.
"We oppose draft registration," says
Roger Winters, acting executive director for
the union's Washington state branch. "We
sec it as intimately connected to re-establishing the draft."
Winters says his organization opposes the
draft on the grounds that the U.S. constitution "prohibits involuntary servitude."
And he says if Carter persists in trying to
push his registration bills through congress
he "might find the ACLU nationally taking
him to court."
He says Carter's inclusion of women in
his legislation is purely a political move,
and added the president quickly advocated
only drafting women to non-dangerous positions after massive public reaction.
"It also suggests the president was less
than sincere in his effort to give men and
women equality in the armed service,"
Winters says.
Anti-draft organizations are springing up
everywhere. Draft and registration counseling centres are flourishing as young Americans try to reconcile the growing national
mood  of patriotism   with  the  knowledge
Protestors hit American
streets soon after the
Carter registration plan
was announced. But the
demonstrations have been
anything but peaceful. In
Washington, D.C.
(above), a counter
demonstrator tore the
down coat of one anti-
draft demonstrator, sending feathers into the air.
A violent scuffle took
place earlier in the same
March 3 protest (below),
when 25,000 people, mostly students, marched
against the draft registration plan.
that service in the armed forces is potentially harmful even in non-combat situations.
The Committee Against Registration and
the Draft has chapters all across the U.S.
and has been mounting successful rallies in
the past few months. The most recent one
in Washington was indicative of the growing divergence of U.S. opinion, with scuffles between pro- and anti-draft demonstrators.
Stop the Draft has also been involved in
the rallies.
And the American college campus, largely the bastion of an extremely comfortable
and ambitious student population, has been
pervaded by a strong anxiousness with the
threat of a renewed registration for the
draft.
Student mobilization against Carter's
plans was swift and well organized. A national march for peace on Washington
March 22 attracted thousands from across
the nation, and was given major play in the
commercial media. Individual campuses
were the scenes of a variety of demonstrations and protest. New Jersey's
30,000-member Rutger's University, for example, was the site of a protest by 250
students, some carrying signs proclaiming
"No Nukes, No Troops" and "Don't Die
for Exxon." An anti draft rally at the
University of California's Berkeley campus
drew 2,500.
But while the latest actions bring back
memories of the turbulent and often violent
protests of the Sixties, it is already quite evident that today's objectors are more interested in personal well-being than social
principles.
"We didn't go to school here for four
years to sit in trenches," says Jeff Manning,
news editor of the University of
Washington student newspaper The Daily.
"Some students are opposed to war out of
concern for the world, but most are being
selfish for selfish reasons."
While sixties protestors criticized the immorality of the Vietnam war, today's college students are more concerned with their
careers. Like Manning, who plans on
becoming a commercial journalist after
graduating, many students say they simply
aren't prepared to waste their hard-earned
education fighting somebody else's war.
The students' concern might be based on
self-interest, but there is no denying the
political power of the student vote. Carter
said recently that students are "overreacting" and that he does "not anticipate calling for a draft."
But students are skeptical. "Nobody's
taking what the government is telling us for
fact any more," one American student
says. "We grew up watching Vietnam and
the whole Iran thing."
A Feb. 23 article in a conservative U.S.
publication cites disturbing statistics on the
mood of American college students. A
survey of Berkeley students showed 51 per
cent in favor of serving in the military if
drafted, the article states.
And a comparative poll on student opinions published in the same issue shows
massive changes since 1970. The poll shows
student support for the death penalty but a
marked decline in support for human issues
such as preferential treatment for disadvantaged Americans, abortion and criminal
rights.
Most student observers describe the
mood on U.S. campuses as "uncertain." Students are unsure of what the
government's intentions are and what the
consequences of registration might be. But
it is not a wait and see attitude.
Whatever the final outcome will be, the
draft has become a political football for the
Carter administration, a football that got a
little too hard to handle. So Carter is
holding back on his registration bills until
after the presidential election.
If the Carter government is returned, it
might find it easier to push registration
through at the beginning of another term,
knowing that there will be four years for the
incensed portion of the population to conveniently forget by the next election in
1984.
Thursday, April 3,1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition, Page $ Vietnam nightmare still haunts U.S. recruiters
By PETER MENYASZ
After a war like the one in Vietnam, you wouldn't expect it to be
easy for the U.S. armed forces to
attract voluntary recruits. And that
is precisely the case — Americans
are staying away from many
recruiting stations in droves,
depleting the armed forces to what
the U.S. government fears to be
dangerous levels.
One rationale for reinstituting the
draft mechanism is to push young
draft age Americans to join the
armed forces reserves or the national guard to avoid active service.
"In the past when they did have a
draft it was an inducement for people to sign up in the reserves and national guard," says Jim Simpson, a
public information specialist for the
U.S. army. "It's logical to assume
it might happen, but it hasn't yet."
Simpson says there hasn't been a
noticeable jump in army enrolments
since U.S. president Jimmy Carter's
announcement of legislation to
reinstitute draft registration.
And Simpson says joining a
reserve unit or the national guard
might have helped some people
escape the horrors of the Vietnam
war as not many reserve units were
called up for action. But he adds
that will not be the case if situations
such as those in Iran or Afghanistan
should require armed U.S. intervention. "The current plan is to utilize
the reserve and national guard
first," he says.
"If a person was looking for an
SPEAKER . . . gets crowd in mood
easy way out, that wouldn't be the
way to do it."
But a navy reserve recruiter says
the Carter announcement caused a
dramatic increase in the numbers of
volunteers — but not men. "Surprisingly so, for the women —
yes," says petty officer Richard
Conley. "We've had a pretty good
upswing in women applicants."
Conley says he is surprised at the
sudden increase in enlistments
because national morale has been
low since the Vietnam conflict.
"You don't hear much flag waving
or patriotism since the Vietnam
era," he says.
"But these women are coming
out with the Chevrolet, mom and
apple pie bit."
And national guard recruitments
are increasing, even though national guard service might not help
people evade active service.
"Recruits are pickin' up since the
notice (of proposed registration)
came out," says Sgt. 1st class James
Hughes, a full-time recruiter for the
Washington state national guard.
Hughes says enlistments have increased by more than 20 per cent
and show no sign of letting up.
"They join the guard in lieu of joining the active services," he says.
Simpson says women should not
fear the draft as "it doesn't look
like it's going to pass anyway." He
adds that Carter's promise of non-
combat assignments for any women
drafted fits in with current armed
service procedures.
"The way it is now women are
precluded from being in combat
positions," he says. "It's unlikely
they will ever use women extensively in that role."
But Simpson quickly adds that
such precautions will not offer
much security for women •
PROTESTORS . . . remember Vietnam genocide
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Final Edition, Page 6
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3, 1980 H
UFESPRING
By HEATHER CONN
Gr
The Personal Orientation Inventory
ruelling pain, recriminations and
near-fatal injury are not factors most people link with the word Lifespring. But for
one UBC student politician, these are key
elements associated with his "interpersonal
experience."
It is now about four months since Bruce
Armstrong, 24, currently Alma Mater
Society president, enrolled in a $750 five-
day personal growth training program. And
it was then, during a stressful and tension-
filled session, that he suffered excruciating
pain, later diagnosed as an aneurysm — a
swollen artery that leaks blood into the
brain.
"They thought I was psychologically
feeling pain, not physically," says Armstrong now, after near-complete recovery
from paralysis on his left side, following his
coming out of a coma. "When I said
something about it, they told me to shut up.
"I felt sick, with a major pain in my
head. I felt like crying, I felt totally depressed. They all felt I was psychologically in
pain."
Despite the aching pounding in his head,
Armstrong waited about two hours until
dinner break before he abandoned the
Lifespring group, whose teachings emphasize self-accountability and self-
responsibility — even for pain. Without
telling family or friends of his location,
Armstrong then checked into the
downtown YMCA for two nights. Some
time after Nov. 22 he scrawled this entry in
the last page of his diary:
"My experience of the last 90 minutes is
pain, terrible pain in my head. It hurts so
much. I'm sick, I'm sick. The pain is
unbearable. It pounds in my head."
".. results suggest that UFESPRING
is making a significant contribution
to the mental health of a large segment
of our population'.
by Kverett 1.. Shostrom, Ph.D.
yourself away from you. They wouldn't
listen to you.
"Lifespring has no certification. There
was no medical personnel there (at the session Bruce attended)."
But Oury Engolz, the Lifespring
employee who led Bruce's training session,
denies any personal negligence or inattention. "Lifespring does not say anything
against hospitals or medicine," he says.
"We emphasize at the beginning of training
to take your medications. We want to know
what they are."
No staff doctors or nurses are present
during training, but hospital telephone
numbers are kept nearby, he adds.
f\xx
Wr
hen the pain grew too unbearable, Armstrong says he phoned his father
and was rushed to Vancouver General
Hospital about four days later, where he
later survived a risky operation. He denies
that he delayed telling others of his pain
because of Lifespring's self-accountability
philosophy. "I wasn't thinking clearly at
all, but I didn't feel guilty at all," he says.
"All I wanted was to sleep. But I thought I
couldn't sleep if I went home."
But his sister Linda, 25, says she is convinced Lifespring's theories determined
Bruce's actions. "What he kept saying is:
'Lifespring says you have to go through
the pain.' When he was hurt, they laughed
at him. Bruce knew it wasn't right. Why
didn't they believe him?" she said in a
telephone interview from Victoria. "They
didn't trust people's own feelings about
themselves.   It  took  all  the  control  of
rmstrong says that although he
naturally would have liked a doctor on
hand after the pain began, he does not
blame Lifespring directly for ignoring his
suffering. Both he and his sister claim he
banged his head in anger during a session
after reading a Nov. 22 Ubyssey article.
(The article stated that AMS student
politicians were accusing fellow UBC
politicos Armstrong, Shirley Waters, Brian
Short and Len Clarke that their membership was seriously conflicting with their
political duties and responsibilities).
The politicians deny the charges.
Clarke says initially, Lifespring workers
were like "used car salesmen" in their en-'
thusiastic approach to the program. Armstrong says at first he had doubts about the
program and entered it with a cynical "this
will never work" attitude. Now he says:
"They're amateurs down at Lifespring.
They aren't qualified physicians. You can't
legislate safety into this concept. I think it
should continue, but be more closely
regulated."
Armstrong says he felt "annoyed and
upset" the first day of his interpersonal experience and thinks there should be more
kindness during the sessions. "Lifespring
involves psychological shock treatment.
Somebody   benefits   from   it,   another
doesn't. It's highly dubious whether
Lifespring is detrimental or beneficial to
everyone's health." (Lifespring uses verbal
abuse, lack of sleep and the pressure of not
being allowed to go to the bathroom during
its training sessions).
Although Armstrong claims he banged
his head, his neurosurgeon said there was
no evidence of external head injuries. Between one and two per cent of people have
an aneurysm, a blood vessel, which
gradually gets bigger, he said. And just like
a boil with a head, it will break, he adds.
"During his (Armstrong's) training I'm
sure he was subjected to a certain amount
of stress. But the fact is that it (the
aneurysm) would have happened anyway."
Short, a Lifespring graduate and past
AMS president who helped in the training
session, said he only heard that Bruce hit
his head in a lobby outside the room. "I
was in the training room the entire time,
and he didn't bump his head there."
And Waters, a current student administrative commissioner who attended
Bruce's session, said he was quiet and did
not complain of serious pain during the session. "He was very quiet about what was
happening. There were 100 people in the
group and he was having physical reactions.
We knew something was happening, but
he wasn't saying anything."
Waters does not blame Lifespring for
Bruce's accident, although she admits
leaders could have asked him if he was
alright and handled his plight more effectively.
Engolz claims that Armstrong left the
session in "good spirits." When he did not
return to training, people attending the session searched thoroughly for him, contacting hospitals, police and his family home,
he says.
D«
espite Armstrong's accident,
Waters says she thinks Lifespring has no
negative effects and has been a positive
force in her own life. Clarke, AMS director
The Love Attraction Inventory
"... it would appear that graduates
^ ^       of the IPE have an increased capacity
^    %m to form and maintain loving and caring
primary relationships.
by Everett I.. Shostrom, Ph.D.
".. .further evidence to support the conclusion
that the LIFESPRING Basic Training is effective
in assisting people experience personal growth'/
by Everett Shostrom, Ph.D., and lanis Janes,
Director of Research and
Communication for the FOU\DAT/OS.
>)       I
The 6-Month Follow-up Evaluation (POD
of finance, who unlike Armstrong and
Waters has only taken Lifespring's $350
basic training session, agrees that the
organization can be beneficial. Its
organizers are extremely enthusiastic, the
sessions have improved his self-expression
and understanding and he recommends
basic training to everyone, he says.
But at the same time, he sees flaws in
their dealings with incidents such as
Bruce's.
"I don't think they acted in a responsible
manner," he says. "They should be
prepared to see that people are alright. If
your head hurts, or foot hurts, they should
be more attentive and keep an eye on people.
"They're not able to tell the difference
between psychological or physical pain.
That's very serious. Maybe they might be
just stereotyping people — like if you've
seen one, you've seen 'em all. Maybe
they're not able to react to people as individuals. Maybe they got their signals mixed up. It's all conjecture.
"But it's one thing to say I've learned my
lesson — in Bruce's case it could have been
a very costly lesson."
Although Clarke and Waters say they
might take another Lifespring session in the
future, Armstrong says he is finished with
the organization. When their literature arrives in the mail, he throws it out. And his
$750 refund from his training is sitting in
the bank, he adds.
And although the Armstrong family
plans no legal action, Bruce's sister is still
bitter.
"I feel anger towards Lifespring. It was
as if as soon as he left that room, they abandoned him. We didn't know what they had
done to him and we were supposed to bring
him out of it?
X hey make you go down, and
down, and down, until you hit rock bottom . . . What if you can't start the climb
upwards? That's what happened to him. He
got to the bottom and then they left him
there. They left him with us. And we tried
to pull him up.
"It's not something 1 care to repeat."
Armstrong is not the only person who
has suffered during a Lifespring event. Until last December, another Vancouverite lay
in a Vancouver General Hospital bed as a
result of a training session.
A paraplegic for 15 years, Jim Sikler says
he broke his leg after getting out of a
wheelchair during an interpersonal experience exercise last October. Because of
Lifespring's rule that training processes
cannot be discussed with the uninitiated,
Sikler refuses to describe the exercise and
blames himself for the injury. "It was me
who had the accident. It was me who's been
paralyzed for 15 years. It was my choice
that I got out of the wheelchair."
In Seattle, an irate father continues a
lawsuit against Lifespring of San Rafael,
Calif, and its president, John Hanley,
reportedly a millionaire.
The plaintiff, Bill Newgent, of Port
Angeles, Wash., alleges that Lifespring's
negligent conduct caused the death of his
See page 12: LIFESPRING
Thursday, April 3, 1980
THE    UBYSSEY
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Final Edition, Page 8
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3,1980 DISCOVERY PARKS INC.
UBC administration indifference
might steamroller opposition to
McGeer's research park dreams
By GEOF WHEELWRIGHT
It was a cool, clear day in September
when IT came to UBC.
Student senators were moving shiftlessly
in their chairs and some members of the
press were ready to leave what looked to be
another boring and uneventful senate meeting. But suddenly administration president
Doug Kenny rose, and as if speaking from
on high, revealed the university's plan for a
58-acre research park on the campus.
Many students, faculty members and
journalists left that meeting with a lot of
questions in their minds about the park.
Why hadn't students, faculty, or community members been consulted about the
plans? Would the park eventually expand,
and if so, where would it grow? What kind
of deals would companies be offered to
come into the park, and what kind of research would they conduct?
Seven months later, most of those questions are still unanswered and there are
many more being asked. And everyone in
the university community is beginning to
demand answers.
Shortly after the announcement at UBC,
then education minister Pat McGeer held a
Science Day at Vancouver's Robson Square
to announce the rest of his grand scheme to
bring B.C. into the industrial 20th century.
The plan included the construction of Discovery Parks at Simon Fraser University,
the B.C. Institute of Technology, UBC, the
University of Victoria, and the Institute of
Ocean Sciences on Vancouver Island.
McGeer said each park would have a different function and level of research, ranging from high technology pharmaceutical
and atomic research at UBC to light industrial manufacturing at BCIT. But lack
of community consultation was standard
procedure at each institution, and by the
time Science Day arrived, student groups
had already begun to organize their opposition to the parks' development.
One such group from SFU distributed
pamphlets protesting the use of government
funds to build the parks at a time when university budgets are suffering cutbacks and
students were facing almost yearly increases
in tuition. Despite the protests, McGeer
gave Discovery Parks Foundation a $3
million welcome-to-the-world newborn slap
that day and helped establish Discovery
Parks Inc., that will foster the research
parks' development.
And even as that cheque was passed into
the hands of foundation president John
Detwiller, some large companies were already declaring strong interest in entering
the parks. B.C. Tel and Anatek Electronics
were the first to throw their corporate hats
into the ring, and a potential conflict of interest question quickly arose. Anatek owner
Allan Crawford was doubling as a member
of the Discovery Park Foundation's board
of directors, and eventually agreed to abstain from voting on all matters pertaining
to Anatek.
The industry-heavy board of directors,
the secretive development of the park
scheme and alleged conflicts of interest
made the parks highly unattractive to students, so shortly after Discovery Parks Foundation was established, the UBC Alma
Mater Society research park committee was
born.
The committee was asking (and is still
asking) for public hearings on the park's
development, a halt to development negotiations until the hearings are held, and full
student, faculty and community representation on the park's board of management.
The group first organized a public forum
in November to present its demands to Kenny and Discovery Park Inc. director Don
Larsen. But student concerns went unheard
as Kenny and Larsen proceeded to conduct
a professorial discourse on the park, refusing to properly answer controversial questions.
Committee spokesman Marty Lund said
after the meeting: "I thought we got a snow
job. They (public meetings) are quite useless unless Kenny's willing to have a moratorium."
But at that meeting both Larsen and Kenny indicated they would be willing to attend
further public meetings, although they
stopped short of pledging themselves to
public hearings. "We haven't etched things
in stone yet, we are open to public input,"
said Larsen at the time.
Within six weeks of the public forum,
students began to join with concerned Point
grey citizens and UBC faculty members to
form a joint community-university steering
committee, that was to work with the AMS
committee to fight for public hearings.
Lund then tried unsuccessfully to set up
an off-campus public forum for university
and community members, after Kenny refused to attend. The president argued that
the forum was student-organized and so
Each research park
will have a different
function and level
of research
— McGeer
The university is
open to public input
as long as it's
not too loud
— Kenny
should be held on campus. Despite his protests, Kenny eventually attended an on-
campus forum with Larsen on Jan. 24.
The forum was a political three-ring circus, with Kenny and faculty supporters of
the park in one ring, concerned students,
faculty and community members in another, and bewildered members of the audience in a third. Kenny tried to gain the sympathy of the forum audience with verbal
gymnastics; he denied the campus cyclotron
facility conducted nuclear research and asked for games show-like applause if listeners
supported the park.
Lund and the AMS committee were bitter
and angry about the university administra
tion's treatment of the public forum and
Kenny's attempts to manipulate the audience. After the January forum, the committee said blankly: "The ball is in the university's court;" members charged that UBC
had a responsibility to hold public hearings.
"I think the onus is on the university. By
now the university should have the
message," said soil science professor Jan Devries after the January forum. "It's up to the
university to have these forums."
In early January the AMS committee began to organize a petition campaign to gain
more support for its demand for public hearings. And by Feb. 8 the group had amassed
1,000 signatures of students and faculty. But
administration vice-president Erich Vogt dismissed the validity of petitions saying, "they
are too easy to prepare."
The committee finally presented a 1,700
signature petition to the UBC board of governors March 4, but the document gained little more than token interest. The board vowed to publish a statement in the administration newsletter explaining the university's
lease contract demands and asking for public
response to them.
"They (the board) have virtually ignored
the petition. The effort they are making is
minimal," said Lund after the board meeting.
One week after the board meeting, Lund
charged that the university deliberately omitted crucial details of its lease criteria from information published in the newsletter. He
said the details published in UBC Reports
were incomplete and misleading.
In a secret board document obtained by
Lund on March 12, the university set down
detailed lease guidelines which include:
• an agreement to limit UBC's participation to only half the members of the park's
management committee;
• a proposed land rental rate of only
$1,000 per year and;
• a guarantee the university would consider expanding the park onto UBC lands between the Tri-University Meson Facility and
Marine Drive.
Administration officials would neither
confirm or deny the provisions detailed in the
document, but one week later revealed they
would soon be considering a lease proposal
from Discovery Parks Inc., which corporation director Larsen said he hopes to have
signed by December.
The UBC board is expected to consider the
lease counter proposal at its meeting Tuesday
after student classes end and The Ubyssey
has ceased publication.
Lund predicted last week the university will
try to sign the lease agreement while students
are off campus in the summer and can have
little say in determining its contents. And
Larsen said he hopes to get the project under
way as soon as possible.
The provincial government has also tried
its steamroller approach to park development
in Burnaby, where Discovery Parks Inc. is
building at BCIT and SFU. Although the
SFU administration, like UBC's, has attempted to brush off student concern, the
BCIT site has been held up due to concern
from Burnaby council.
The BCIT park, which will sit on government land and is scheduled for light industry
and research, needs municipal rezoning before it can be built. But the provincial government has already set aside a $10 million
grant for construction of a multi-tenant research facility there, despite the fact that the
rezoning has not been approved by council
and the necessary zoning public hearing has
not yet been held.
The hearing is slated for April 15 and some
members of council and the Burnaby community have already begun to express similar
concerns to those of students at SFU and
UBC. And their questions will have to be answered.
But at UBC, the steamroller still moves on
and student and community opposition to
the method of the park's development could
well get squashed by a university administration that believes no one can possibly be opposed to such a "wholesome" plan.
Thursday, April 3,1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition, Page 9 Flashy Young Canadians
are opening new doors
in alternative music scene
By DANIEL OUELLETTE
The Young Canadians have been
more than a valuable barometer of
the local rock scene since they
started to play together 15 months
ago.
The hard driving and uncompromising local trio, formerly
known as the K-Tels, has set the
pace musically and socially in the
troubled waters of punk music.
They were the first punkers to
play the Smilin' Buddha on skid
row, the Gambado gallery in
Gastown and Rohan's in fashionable Kitsilano. By opening doors to
new clubs the Young Canadians
were performing a priceless service
in a musical community where clubs
and halls open one week and close
the next because of propert)
damage, police harassment and
customer antagonism.
A deep and unshakeable irony
underlies all of this. While the
reputation and musical ability of
the local groups has outgrown their
fringe acceptance the problem has
shifted from finding an audience to
finding a place to play. The
Subhumans, the Dishrags and
D.O. A. all have records for sale but
you'll never see them at the
Commodore or the Savoy.
"It's important not to be swept
up in the popular wave but to do
what you want to do. Just let the
rest bypass you and die away or
become a booming business or
whatever," says Young Canadians
drummer Barry Taylor. Totally
manic on his kit, Taylor starts in
overdrive and revs it up from there.
Offstage his easygoing manner is
reminiscent of the calm eye of a
storm.
Indeed the Young Canadians
have had their share of rough
weather. As the K-Tels, the group,
was served with a 30-page writ from
a federal court at the insistence of
the K-Tel record company. "We
could have won," says guitarist Art
Bergman, "but it would have taken
four years in court and a lot of
money." The group would rather
play loud and fast in the courthouse
theatre than grind through legal
hassles, so they changed their name
and moved on to new projects.
Hawaii, a four-song E.P., quickly sold out of its first printing of
2,000 copies through word of
mouth alone proving that fans will
buy records with fast music and
four letter words whether commercial radio stations play them or not.
The group's latest E.P., now in
the mixing stage, will likely have at
least one cut suitable for Vancouver's air waves.
Meanwhile the boys are touring
on their own and opening shows for
some big names in the music industry. They recently opened for
England's XTC and received calls
for encores. Currently they're getting things ready for the Boomtown
Rats shows in Edmonton, Calgary
and Victoria. Not bad for the winners of the Georgia Straight's battle
of the bands.
Thankful for the recognition, the
Young Canadians have mixed feelings about playing in a mammoth
arena. "I hate it when they crowd
people into a hockey rink and
everyone rushes the stage," gripes
Taylor. "You need binoculars to
BERGMANN . . . with enthusiasts
see the show and the sound bounces
all over the place." Jim Bescott, the
soft spoken bass player in the trio,
points out that since the disastrous
Who concert in Cincinnati it's going to be much harder for audiences
to be loose at big concerts.
As for the smaller halls, the
Young Canadians have a 15-date
Pacific coast tour lined up for
April. San Francisco rates high on
their list but Los Angeles doesn't.
"We played the Hong Kong Cafe in
L.A.," explains Bergmann, "and
after the owner took his share of the
door we netted $6 for two nights'
work."
Taylor's spirit picks up when
travelling is mentioned. "It's great
being on the road and playing in
new towns to different people. Also
playing in larger halls with the name
groups you get to work with a quality PA and experience a professional
stage sound." Bergmann delivers
an unnerving stare and claims the
biggest hassle with touring is getting
on each other's case occasionally —
not to mention the horrendous
phone bills involved.
Undaunted the Young Canadians
plow all their cash back into the
company and have recently bought
a truck for the long hauls out of
town. Why is the group so popular
in Edmonton and Calgary? "Alberta is starved for our kind of music,"
answers Bergmann. Taylor expands, "those towns are hard, fast
music towns to begin with."
Bergmann, ever sardonic, caps the
topic with a description of Alberta
audiences, "They're a lot more
polite. They even dance in
couples."
The group still marvels at one incredible freebee arranged by a
Calgary art student. They were
flown from Vancouver, given a
rented car, a hotel room, a rented
PA plus $400 in cash. And tons of
free beer. A far cry from their treatment at the hands of UBC's arts
undergraduate society. In that instance they were booked into Magee
high school with little publicity.
Through feast and famine the
trio has stuck together and polished
their sound without losing any of
their drive. The popularity of high
energy, high decibel rock is growing
and with manager Gerry Barad's
encouragement and connections the
Young Canadians are determined to
make it big.
"We burn ourselves out every
time we play," boasts Bergmann
when asked about punk music's options to burn out or cool out into
new wave. By being on the move in
the music and in their heads the
group has avoided dead-end
cynicism or rich-kid complacency.
The art scene that was so instrumental in spawning and supporting
the local culture emerges as a major
influence in the band's development.
Bescott, a former art student and
film maker, acknowledges the interlocking relationship of local
musicians and artists. As well as
sharing common spaces to work, rehearse and perform such as the
Helen Pitt gallery, the use of
videotapes has brought the two
mediums closer together.
It's a long way from the
psychedelic light shows of the '60s
to modern laser holography but the
spirit remains the same. Bescott
captures that spark when he talks.
"It's exciting to think of how
music, drama and dance could be
influenced by three dimensional imagery," he says.
With groups like the Young
Canadians in the vanguard the
alternative music community in
Vancouver promises to open a lot
of new doors.
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These may deal with any or all aspects of
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closing date for submissions to the Task
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1+
rt
Secretary    Secretariat
of State      d'Etat
Council cf M mitten
of Eduction. Canada^
Corecihte min litres
oTTEducaTion CinadaT
Final Edition, Page 10
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3,1980 A I i
s*5r*8Wi
':'::.
'i<lfilf!
tewfi yifcw
By BOB TILNEY
Racism is an ugly word. It
describes one of the more unpleasant
ways in which people interact, a way
in which people lose their dignity and
fullness as human beings.
The recent dispute at Yellow Cabs
is an example of just how hot an issue
racism can be. A group of East Indian taxi drivers allege that supervisor Peter Morris discriminated
against them on racial grounds when
disciplining two East Indian drivers
during an incident at the airport.
The two drivers allegedly became
involved in a fight at the front of the
taxi line at Vancouver International
Airport's arrivals level. Ordinarily
Yellow Cabs do not load at the airport but when Maclure's and Richmond cabs are unable to service the
airport anyone can pick up passengers. During these peak periods competition between cab drivers can be
fierce as everyone competes to get as
many downtown-bound passengers
in their car as possible. Tempers fly
occasionally.
From all accounts, two East Indian
drivers did get involved in a fight and
were routinely reprimanded by the
supervisor, Peter Morris. They
received two-day suspensions. This in
itself is not unusual but the crunch
comes when you try to decide who is
in the right when the confrontation
between Morris and the East Indian
drivers is described.
The East Indian drivers allege that
Morris told them to "go back to India" and that "this is not an Indian
bazaar". Morris does not deny this
and so the question becomes one of
intent. Did Morris mean to insult the
drivers in a racist manner or can one
realistically say that Morris did not
mean to be racist?
The difficult thing to ascertain of
course is what exactly took place at
the meeting between Morris and the
East Indian drivers. One must depend upon the conflicting views
presented by the two sides almost exclusively.
Despite the impossibility of verifying either side's account, drivers at
Yellow soon found themselves embroiled in a labor dispute characterized by its racial overtones. In the first
week of March, East Indian drivers
set up a picket outside Yellow's offices and chanted slogans throughout
the day while the rest of the company
tried to maintain the facade of
business as usual.
As one who worked part-time at
Yellow, I was not immediately involved in the dispute, at least not as
much as full-time white drivers who
were confronted daily with the issue
of racial discrimination. Most white
drivers appeared oblivious to what
was going on.
The striking East Indian drivers'
demands included the immediate firing of Peter Morris. Morris had
established a reputation as the
meanest son of a bitch in management and was universally despised by
the drivers, regardless of their skin
color.
When talking to the East Indian
drivers one realized they saw their
struggle as part of a larger one that
would eventually lead to unionization
of all cab drivers. Their spokesmen
realized their struggle was useless
without the support of white drivers.
Very nice in theory, but little effort
was made to create any solidarity between drivers of different races.
Instead, all other drivers were confronted by the spectacle of a picket
line composed solely of East Indian
drivers. Some white drivers gave full
vent to their racist sentiments and
mumbled vague threats about
machine gunning the line of picketers
or driving their cabs through the
assembled strikers. Most drivers,
however, refused to get involved and
watched the pickets disinterestedly
from the sidelines.
On Saturday, March 15 matters
came to a head. Instead of just providing an informational picket, the
protesting drivers decided to take a
stand and try to prevent cabs from
entering and leaving the lot. They
chose to act between three and four
in the afternoon when night shift
replaces day shift.
Management instructed drivers to
gas their cars at gas stations other
than the one Yellow operates but
some cabs still tried to drive onto the
lot. They were met by shouting East
Indian picketers who placed
themselves in front of cabs in an attempt to impede their progress. By
this time the police had arrived and
the scene was set for a classic confrontation between labor and
See page 12: CABBIES
Thursday, April 3, 1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition. Page 11 Lifespring endangers health
From page 7
daughter Gail Renick. The medical examiner's office stated she collapsed last
April of an asthma attack, on the fifth day
of a Lifespring course. Five days later, her
parents asked doctors to unplug her life
support system.
Re
>.enick had an asthma condition
since childhood that could be emotionally
triggered, states a third amended complaint, dated Sept. 28,1979. It adds that she
took a Lifespring basic training course that
involved "unusual and extremely intensive
psychological and emotional exercises
designed to alter an individual's habits,
thought processes, and emotional and
psychological state."
Renick was supposedly asked to turn
over her medication, as a condition for participation. The suit alleges that during the
next five days, "she was gradually brainwashed to believe it was no longer necessary
for her to take asthma medication . . .
"As she was suffering her fatal attack of
April 29, 1979, her condition was brought
to the attention of a Lifespring trainer, who
ignored the condition and who, in fact,
criticized Gail Renick for having the
attack."
And in Portland, Ore. a Lifespring member Arnie Barnett who could not swim but
said Lifespring was teaching him self-
understanding, drowned in the Willamette
river on August 19, 1979. His friends write
later: "His brother told us he was 'facing
his fears', you see Artie could not swim and
was afraid of water but the day he died he
had bought a pair of swimming trunks and
dove into the river.
"It scares us to think that this corporation (Lifespring) is taking people, changing
their way of thinking so that they do things
they would not normally do, like the way
our friend died."
Barnett's family is currently seeking legal
action against Lifespring.
In Oregon, a newspaper reporter who attended a Lifespring basic training session
said the (.rainer asked participants to exam
ine how much control they have over events
that affect them.
VV hat we must accept, he says,
is accountability," reports the publication
Williamette Week. "You are accountable
for everything that happens to you, from
the moment you pick your own parents till
you choose the moment of your death . . .
"Lifespring presents it as a shining, all-
inclusive truth, with not a single exception.
In this case, we must accept the fact that we
are accountable for the state our lives are
in. Nothing, not heredity, not illness, not
alcoholic parents, not handicaps, not even a
sniper's bullet, is ever completely someone
else's doing."
Lifespring's philosophy involves maximization of human potential and theories
such as "A loser is made not born." A
Lifespring, Inc. booklet lists the following
rules for those taking basic training:
• "trainees must maintain absolute
confidentiality of other trainees' experiences;
• "no watches or clocks are to be worn
or referred to during training hours;
• "trainees are to ask questions, talk
and share only when they have been
acknowledged by the trainer;
• "trainees are to remain in the training
room except for breaks."
Since it began in 1974, Lifespring has
centres in San Rafael, Eugene, Los
Angeles, Orange County, Philadelphia,
Phoenix, Portland, San Diego, Washington, D.C, Seattle and Vancouver. It
reports to have trained more than 47,000
people.
In Vancouver, 1,800 graduates have attended courses but the local Better Business
Bureau has received no written complaints.
'tedta im©! p@st ©ti ©sulfite'7 ©feiuis©1
From page 11
management, who, in this instance,
had the police on their side.
Tension was high and nearly
everyone expected some sort of
violent altercation. But the picketers
confined their actions to passively
standing in front of cabs that were
trying to enter the lot, although one
picketer was seen kicking a cab that
tried to get onto the lot. For this he
was charged with property damage
despite the minimal amount of harm
actually done to the car in question.
But the central issue remained.
Members of an ethnic group had
alleged they were being discriminated
against. They alleged that they had
been systematically denied fair treatment from their employer, Yellow
Cabs.
But the majority of East Indian
drivers stayed on the job. The
multiracial contingent of drivers that
works at Yellow, also stayed on the
job. Observers claimed the whole affair only proved that Vancouver cab
companies were not at all racist and
only a small and isolated group of
East Indian drivers were responsible
for the protest.
"We probably have the cleanest
cab industry in North America,"
claims Jim Dawson of the Vancouver
taxi owners association. "But it's getting so you have to have a lawyer in
your back pocket before you can say
anything."
Dawson charged that the protest
was ineffective because no one will
listen to labor unless it represents the
majority in the workplace. No
serious attempts were made to bridge
the gap between drivers of different
races and as a result the dispute remained one based solely on racial
grounds.
"It's going to die a slow death,"
Dawson says of protest, and it would
appear he is right, at least for the moment. Pickets have become more infrequent and tension has lessened at
Yellow.
The racist remarks directed at East
Indian drivers must be seen in
perspective as one way out of many
others in which cab drivers are kept
in passive and controllable situations.
Supervisors usually harass all
drivers in petty and demeaning ways.
Without a union, drivers have no
recourse but to accept this treatment
and be silent. East Indian drivers are
an easy target for the satiric barbs of
management. Whether their actions
were the correct way to react to the
racial epithets directed at them is problematic. They raised the sole issue of
racism and so were easy prey for
observers who pointed out that all
Vancouver cab companies employ
representatives of several races.
But they do not point out that non-
white drivers share one common problem with drivers: exploitation.
Drivers work absurdly long hours
and often have to drive cabs that
have no business being on the road.
Because of the high turnover rate and
the isolated nature of the work it is
difficult to fight for better conditions
and unionization remains a far-off
dream. Owners have vested interests
and still think they have more in common with the companies than they do
with the rest of the drivers. Any attempt at unionization would have to
have the support of owners to be successful.
Unless drivers can establish links
across racial lines they will remain
atomized and unable to change things
for the better. In the meantime, the
cabs roll on and the drivers continue
to work 12-hour shifts.
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in Canada's official languages, French and English,
from June 30 to August 8,1980 in Toronto
Tuition and board will be paid through a
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Applicants must be Canadian citizens or landed immigrants,
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For more information about the Summer Language Bursary
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YORK UNIVERSITY
Dot represents
land occupied by
mining (.013%)
The dot
on the map
that's worth
billions to B.C
On a map of B.C., you'd have a hard time making out the area taken up by our
various mining operations . . . because all of B.C.'s mines together account for
only .013% of our provincial land surface.
By way of comparison, provincial roads and highways take up roughly ten times
that amount of land, and saleable forest reserves occupy 20% of the land.
While mining is a relatively small speck on the map, it looms large in economic
terms. It is B.C.'s second largest industry . . . and contributes about a billion
dollars each year to the provincial economy. That total is made up of mining
payrolls, the purchase of materials and .services, plus taxes and dividends. Each
year the mines of the Placer group . . . Craigmont, Gibraltar and Endako . . .
contribute more than $100 million by themselves.
They are part of an industry that may be the biggest little enterprise B.C. ever had!
fiD
PLACER
DEVELOPMENT
LIMITED
Final Edition, Page 12
HE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3, 1980 Why Is Cuervo In A Clear Bottle?
So You Can See The Ashes On The Bottom.
Cnertra
EspEtifll
WHO KNOWS WHY YOU BUY IT ■ r  'w   w   >w
Call 'em
The scribe searches for
an honest-to-god Canajun
By Allan Frothingham
To fly into Ottawa from Vancouver
in March is like travelling back in
time. To be sure, no wondrous eon-
long journey this, but rather a mere jaunt
two months backwards into winter.
Why I ever left the pillowy bosomy
mountains of my native land to pursue
greater heights of ego in this horrid small-
minded wasteland is obvious and my accountant has the exact figures, thank you.
But snow really does get on
my nerves and I can hardly
wait until I can land an
assignment in the Bahamas as
correspondent for Fortune
magazine and leave this silly
country behind for good.
Not that you little people
don't have your own certain
rustic charm, a touch of
refined clumsiness that could
grow into quite respectable
clownishness. After all, a
country that produced the
raw materials for those
marvelous Brits to turn into a
classic Monty Python
lumberjack sketch can't be all
bad. But you try. Oh, how
you try.
In the cold labrynthine
halls of power it's still the same game of
the old and tired Liberals fighting off the
hordes of young, lovable, stupid Tories
who want to turn poor people into glue.
In the grit camp the mood is restive and
there is much gnashing of teeth among
those who felt sharply the nine-month exile and want to turn everybody into glue
now they've got the reins of power firmly
in hand.
Once again, Canadian voters showed
the excellent judgement of a rather dull
Ukrainian farmer who's had one too
many drinks just before several too many
sharp blows to the tender sections of his
noggin. Tender sections is a cute way to
say soft spots, cretins.
Which leaves this befuddled boy-genius
(I'm 22, thank you), still mossy behind the
aural lobes from the rains of his native
coast, being treated to the curious spectacle of centralist Liberalism in full flight,
resuming the rightfull peacock plumage of
parliamentary power and generally acting
in such a confounded manner that they
are beyond my ability to produce meaningless mixed metaphors.
It's no wonder that your humble scribe
must needs ignore the reality of the situation and pluck his gems of journalism for
your edification from the airy ramblings
of drunken reporters in the Ottawa press
club. As Spinoza, or perhaps Eldridge
Cleaver, once said, the wise man answers
Allan  Frolhingham keeps FP News Service's libel
lawyers busy.
the incomprehensible with the insensible.
No, maybe it was Charlie Farquarson.
Plodding earnestly on, this innocent
was surprised this week to find Jim
Coutts hasn't done a thing since I left this
cesspool called a capital city that I can use
for an insulting reference. Hardly fair, old
chap. If you don't watch out, I'll get
Pierre Trudeau hot enough under the collar, he'll run again and maybe this time
you won't be able to keep your dog on his
leash. Your next brainy project can be
figuring out how to apply your
Machiavellian techniques to the job of
keeping this country's cabinet ministers
out of our courts and jails. I'll leave you
to puzzle why I said that. Next week I'll
tell you a real boffo one about how to
keep a Newfie in suspense.
Having got the oblique ethnic slurs out
of the way, we can move onto personal
remarks about the physical and mental
quirks of famous people I've gotten close
enough to almost touch once or twice.
Kidding aside, I was thinking recently of
having an Allen MacEachen statue carved
for my lawn, maybe with a fishing pole so
I can perch it on the side of the bird bath.
The artist will have to exercise some
licence, though; I like my dwarfs to be
grumpy and MacEachen's gnome grin
would probably scare the birds away.
Did you hear about the new John
Crosbie doll? Wind it up and it teaches
your little girls financial austerity in
pidgin English. Thank God boys don't
play with dolls so they
won't grow up sounding
like Shetland pig farmers. (I
can already hear the libbers
out their tittering and
squealing over this latest
foray by mischievous ol' Al.
Really, hats off to you girls,
you're great.)
And what can be said
about the intellectual
capacities of Joe Clark that
can't also be said about
similar properties among
watermelons and fried
eggs? A real nice boy,
though, I once took away
his lucky rabbit's foot during an interview and made
him cry before I'd give it
back. He's so immature. I
can't understand, even given the effortless
natural gullibility and idiocy of Canadians, why they would elect to the prime
minister's office a man who combines the
intelligence of a gloworm with the manual
dexterity of a lobotomied quadraplegic.
Instead my powers of analysis are being
wasted on mundane happenings. The
truth: the only Jesuit that had any direct
influence on Pierre Trudeau in his tender
formative years was Father Marcel
Mazarin, his physical arts teacher in sixth
form, who first introduced the young
elitist to the joys of celibacy. It was Father
Mazarin who advised Trudeau to get the
problem of marriage out of the way by
choosing for the bride a curvaceous flake.
I can already hear the rumblings of
denial at 24 Sussex Drive, but this time
I've got the real stuff, told to me by an impeccable source at the press club, on tape
and everything. It's a little garbled
because the microphone kept dropping in
my cocktail, but it's there all right. Have I
ever lied to you and been wrong before?
MACLOWN'S/APRIL 1, 1980       16 Call 'em
How game show hosts and
left-libbers will destroy us
By Barbarous Anal
Ah,   the  twentieth  century.   Could
even Metternick have foreseen the
wanderings of the Weltgeist in what
George Orwell, with his usual clear vision,
called "an age like this"?
Not likely, especially when we live in an
era when the diplomatic heirs of the late
maitre d'etat see fit to recognize the
band of terrorists and violators of individual liberty known as the Palestine
Liberation Organization.
Re-reading Spiggy
Hitler's Central European
Romances the other day I
was forced to remember the
days when Hans the pretzel
seller used to vend his wares
outside my parents' home.
Hans was a character from
an age that didn't know the
meaning of the word
"welfare" and was perfectly happy to stand in the
freezing cold as long as the
dark powers of
totalitarianism were kept at
bay by the earnest liberal-
minded citizenry. Who were
we to question Hans' way
of life? Who were we to try
and legislate his happiness
when he had already found all he wanted
in this world with his wife Elvira and their
twelve unplanned but beautiful children?
The last time I saw Hans he was selling
pretzels to a Russian soldier as the Second
World War came to an end outside my
parents' home. I heard later that he had
disappeared into the depths of the Gulag.
I mentioned this to Arthur Koestler during an interview one time and we almost
wrote a letter to Kosygin to inquire about
Hans' fate. But just then Nabokov walked
into the studio and the matter was forgotten until now.
What was 1 talking about? Ah yes, individual liberty. And the threat posed to
us by the left-lib types who would have us
all burn our Ayn Rand books and follow
them to the new socialist Jerusalem. This
is the rough beast that slouches to
Bethlehem to be born under the guise of
the paternalistic welfare state. As Eric
Hoffer would say, "paternalism sucks"
and who are we to disagree with  the
longshore philosopher's obtuse ramblings
that so articulately deflect the puerile critiques of the masturbatory Marxists and
fellow travellers like Hellman et al?
It is an age to wonder at. An age that
finds its finest expression in a man called
Ronald Reagan. A man not afraid to
speak his mind and tell the world that
Keynesianism is so much twaddle. A man
who would get people off the welfare rolls
and back into the mainstream of society,
in the brickworks and glue factories where
pernicious philosophy of helping others
that plagues the nation and saps its life
blood? The virtues of self-reliance have
not been preached adequately enough and
I for one am prepared to stand out at the
corner of Yonge and Bloor distributing
libertarian tracts.
But the threat posed by the unconscious
totalitarians of our age is still with us.
What are we to do, now that Walden
pond is just a puddle in the mind of a
tvpically undereducated middle class college graduate? Thoreau is
long dead, and now we are
ruled by shallow Keroueists
who argue for open education and" other similar
misguided do-gooder
schemes.
There are still people like
Hans the pretzel seller
though. People who've
never   heard    of   existen-
they belong. A man who would appoint
Roy Rogers as secretary of HEW.
But I digress. It is Canada that we
should be immediately concerned with,
even though we have not had enough mass
slaughters of innocents to realize just how
precious a thing the capitalist ethic is.
How the hell did I ever wind up in the
pathetic backwater that is Canada? What
is this vitriolic bitch doing here in the fair
land of maple syrup and hockey?
Not a hell of a lot since I seem to waste
my time mainly on writing tacky exposes of
even tackier murders involving rich people. If I were editor of Die Welt then
things would be better.
But I digress. Was it Lao Tse or P.T.
Barnum who said that there is no change
in the changeless? Or was it Anthony
Burgess? In any event, there are those of
us who live in the hope that the Kantian
dichotomy between means and ends can
finally be reconciled in a higher synthesis,
oh say, sometimes around 1984.
But the central problem remains. How
in Canada are we to rid ourselves of the
J   Y""*4^  tialism or the new morality.
^ ''* ' They will sell their pretzels
as long as there are mouths
open and waiting for bits of
pastry and individual rights.
The world is far too complicated a piaee for us to
understand and yet we are
continually subjected to TV
e glob and mall la|k shows featuring the latest fad theorist and his wonderful
panaceas for the world's ills. When will
we learn that the world is imperfect and
that social assistance schemes do less to
improve the state of things than my
writing this column?
Creative opportunities for self-
improvement abound yet how many Metis
women ever take the first step into the
lucrati\e field of high fashion modelling?
It is exactly this kind of regretful sloth
that has reduced North America to its present state. Other, greater, civilizations have
succumbed to this same malaise faster
than you can say Edward Gibbon but
Canadians and American chug along
oblivious of the reality around them. A
new Holocaust threatens us, not one planned by any ruthless megalomaniac, but
one in which the medicore and banal will
subject us to a tyranny of TV game shows
and social democrats.
There is but one solution. Over the next
three years readers of this column will
become aware of it. For now, march more
when you walk. Much more.
TORONTO'S NATIONAL NEWSMAGAZINE
Maclown's
APRIL 1,1980
VOL. 666 NO. 13
Gunning for
the presidency
More candidates than ever are gunning for the U.S. presidency as the
campaign winds down in a big bang
of electioneering. Page 9
He scores! But
this one's off-ice
Jean-Guy LaDionne scores in more
ways than one — and is following in
the footsteps of Derek Sanderson
and Don Murdoch. Page 4
COYER STORY
Wooing a
wayward West
Has the Liberal porfcbarrel run dry?
Bagman J. Mellow Granols has
been sent to the land on the other
side of The Peg to convince the
natives to -give up their oil in exchange for a few baubles or trinkets.
But Granola isn't finding the going
easy. Western people are proving
difficult to sway, and many in TO expect that dreams of Liberal glory will
be smashed on the granite curtain.
Who are those people anyway7 Why
are they like this? Page 7
Britain's nasty
wage snatcher
Britain's Maggie Thatcher steps
down as PM, disguises as a charwoman, and investigates the validity
of union demands. Page 10
Maggie's sex,
sin and sodomy
It's Sex, Sin and Sodomy for a very
estranged Maggie (Canada's version) as Pierre's wife pursues her
new career. Page 12
CONTENTS
Profitfile:Jean-Guy LaDionne     4
■Not playing for keeps
Editorial     5
Letters     6
Canada     7
We're looking for the West but none of us
can   find   anything  the  other  side  of.
Mississauga; Alberta is crude
U.S.A     9
Record field guns for the presidency;
Tricky Dick asks that perennial question,
"Brother can you spare a few millions?"
World ...:  10
Maggie Thatcher gets quite pissed off and
blows away a few IRA terrorists and poor
people; Queen Elizabeth discovers that
there are black nationalists in the Commonwealth; Tito dying; Franco still dead;
World War III declared
Peeple   12
Business  22
Bennett only kidding, B.C. is up for
grabs; Communism icky
Advertising  28
More advertising  29
Whole bunch of ads here, eh  30
Capitalism  36
Wealth  42
Books  45
Canadian Establishment; Bronfman
Dynasty; Berton starts his own book of
the month club
Barbarous Anal/Call 'em    14
Films  62
Sex  69
The shocking tale of what Torontonians
have yet to discover
Notts Spews  75
Canuck Corner  78
Allan Frothingham/Call 'em ......  15
MACLOWN'S, established 1905, is printed and published weekly beyond ali bounds of good taste by some of the most parochial morons you'll ever have the misfortune to encounter
unless you happen upon a meeting of the Kamloops chapter of the Social Credit league. Contents may not be reprinted without violating decency. PRINTED IN CANADA and damned
proud of it. Montreal office: 481 University Ave. Vancouver address: 481 University Ave. Western boundary of Canada: Royal York Road. ATTENTION U.S. POSTMASTERS: Do you
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Station A, Trawna, M5W 2B8.
MACLOWN'S/APRIL 1, 1980 ProfHfile: Jean-Guy LaDionne
Pucking as an art form
By Boy McBegger
It has been one hour since the New York
Islanders shellacked the visiting Buffalo
Sabres 8-2 in a meaningless exhibition
game, but a group of young fans, most of
them teenage girls, still wait outside the
Nassau Coliseum. To anyone familiar with
hockey or celebrities, it is obvious who they
are waiting for.
Suddenly he appears. A blonde, strapping young man with hands like bowling
balls, he seems scarcely older than his
young admirers. He shyly walks towards
them, and blushes when a giggling fan asks
for a kiss. He obliges, and then swoops
what seems to be a 14-year-old girl off her
feet and into his 1980 Corvette. The young
hero roars away, and a policeman smiles at
who I used to watch on our two-station fuzzy television set back home in Weyburn,
Saskatchewan, where the ice doesn't thaw
until May and where the wolves bay all
night," he gushes looking skyward, "well,
it's just too much."
Yes, it has been a long way from the icy
wheatfields for the handsome but gap-
toothed young man. Obviously he is enjoying his new life. "Yeh. I like fast cars, fast
women. Slow ones too," LaDionne says
laughingly. His face is almost unmarred
from the rigors of his game, save for the
24-inch gash across his cheek, which ironically, he suffered off the ice. He won't discuss the incident.
Putting his size 12E feet into his official
NHL Player's Association slippers, LaDionne reflects back on the rocky road to
the girl's dumbfounded mother. "Don't
worry, ma'am, she'll be home tomorrow,"
he assures her, and walks away, still leaving
the mother dumbfounded.
The young hockey player is, of course,
Jean-Guy LaDionne, New York's newest
celebrity and teen idol. LaDionne is the
young pheenom for the Islanders who has
been setting the league on fire with his scoring magic. He's also been lighting fires under young girls' hearts, but so far that
hasn't got him into trouble, despite a rash
of complaints from parents. Already LaDionne has learned the first rule of stardom: when you're a star in the Big Apple,
you can do anything you want.
Several days later, in his plush, spanking
new townhouse in the swank neighborhood
of the South Bronx, LaDionne has consented to an interview, his first in two months.
He sits amidst his collection of glittering
trophies, oozing confidence and good
vibes. For Jean-Guy LaDionne, it is the realization of a boyhood dream, the dream all
blue-blooded Canadian youngsters playing
shinny on frozen prairie ponds have.
"To play hockey with all these neat guys
LaDionne as playboy Sanderson
stardom. An odd thing about this young
star is his language. Despite the French Canadian name, Jean-Paul speaks English
without a trace of an accent.
"My father is Scots and my mother was
born in Germany," he explains. "I can't
speak French at all. Oh, maybe the days of
the week and the numbers from one to 10,
stuff like that. My father named me after
his favorite hockey player, Jean-Paul Par-
ise. That's my French Canadian background."
In fact, LaDionne wasn't even born in
Canada. His father was a radio repairman
transferred to Tokyo before Jean-Paul's
birth. It was in the streets of Tokyo that
Jean-Paul honed his survival and competitive instincts, play;\6 GO and baseball for
endless hours. "Tokyo was where I learned
to win, where I learned to fight and where I
got the s-t kicked out of me from some kid
who was a martial arts expert. I've never
forgotten it."
LaDionne got his first taste of the ice
shavings at age 12, when the bottom fell out
of the radio market and his father was forced to buy a farm near Weyburn, where little
Jean-Paul learned to bale hay.
"I remember my first day at school in
Weyburn. All the other kids laughed at me
because I packed raw tuna in my lunch,"
LaDionne remembers, the bitterness still
evident in his husky voice. "Right then, at
that moment, I swore nobody would ever
laugh at me again. In fact, that night my
mother laughed at me and I punched her in
the nose. She's never laughed at me again."
It's that toughness that characterizes LaDionne so well. His exploits at Weyburn
High School are well documented in the
town's newspaper files. "Yeh, I guess I was
kind of rough," he says, and smiles sheepishly. "But in that town you had to be. It
was either you or the other guy." Kicked
out of school 18 times, LaDionne finally
quit when he was 15. It was at that time he
turned all his attention to hockey.
Although he didn't pick up a hockey
stick until the ripe old age of 12, LaDionne
quickly picked up the fundamentals and
soon was playing with kids two months
older than him.
His first coach, Lefty Punch, was quick
to spot the talent hidden in the awkward,
gangly body of the young pheenom. Punch
tutored the school misfit in the finer points
of hockey skills, showing LaDionne what it
would take to make the big time.
"I guess you could say I owe it all to
him," Jean-Paul now says, tears swelling
up in his big, blue eyes (the same eyes that
now grace the ads of London Optical, selling eyeglasses). "Ol' Lefty was like a father
to me." It was when Jean-Paul scored the
overtime goal to win the Memorial Cup that
Lefty Punch suffered his fatal heart attack.
But death is something Jean-Paul LaDionne has lived with all his life. His
younger brother, Ralph, was killed when
hit by an errant puck while sitting in the
stands watching Jean-Paul swoop down the
ice. Their father, Frankie, was permanently
paralyzed when a grain elevator toppled
on top of him. But Frankie LaDionne is
still his son's number one fan. "Pop catches all my games on our three-station television. He can really move in that wheelchair," Jean-Paul says proudly, modestly
omitting the fact that it was he who bought
the three-speed pair of wheels.
But those tragedies are behind the boy
wonder now. All that is left is more glory,
greater riches and fame. More cannonading
drives, glittering scoring opportunities and
blistering shots. It's obvious this boy came
to play, either hockey or with young girls.
Whatever his choice, Jean-Paul is sure to
be a success.
11 just want to become a famous movie
| star and be left alone," explains Margaret Trudeau when interviewed on the
set of Sex, Sin and Sodomy in the Swinging Sixties a film being produced by the
National Film Board of Canada. The
estranged wife of Prime Minister Pierre
Trudeau claims only to accept movie
roles that will further enhance her career
as a serious dramatic actress. Her present
project has her playing the part of a bored
suburban housewife who turns to peddling valium in order to help pay for her
cocker spaniel's lobotomy. Playing opposite the tantalizing Trudeau is the
famous Lassie who has to undergo five
hours of makeup treatment before looking like a cocker spaniel who needs a
lobotomy. Quipped the cunning canine,
"Looking like a cocker spaniel is no problem, it's the lobotomy part that makes it
difficult." Lassie says he has no problem
getting up for the love making scenes with
Margaret that the script calls for. The star
of a former popular children's show wryly
remarks, "I've been to bed with a few bitches in my time." The two stars are
discussing the possibility of collaborating
on a remake of Catherine the Great, with
direction from Irwin Allen and a soundtrack produced by K. C. and the Sunshine   Band.
Levesque: federalist dartboard
McCarthy, Campagnolo: solidarity
Joe Cummings is mad as hell. The
quaint Prince Edward Island native is
organizing fellow spud salesmen for a rather ambitious project: Cummings wants
the federal government to annex the islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon, two
specks on the map just offshore of Newfoundland. Cummings says that if Quebec
wants to separate so badly, then Ottawa
should snatch the islands, the last vestiges
of France's once enormous North American colonial empire. "Hell, they're there
for the taking," Cummings said recently
while sipping a Schooner on his back
porch. "I mean, could you imagine the
look on those Frenchmen's faces when
they see the entire Canadian navy pulling
up in full force." But Cummings isn't getting a great deal of support for his idea.
An external affairs spokesman in Ottawa
had only this to say: "St. Pierre? Miquelon? Why would Canada want to annex
two Caribbean islands?"
f|J er smile just blew me away — lit-
II erally," cooed a bubbly Iona
Campagnola after she was discovered in
Vancouver's Cecil Hotel doing to Grace
McCarthy what the latter has been doing
to the Human Resources Ministry out in
B.C. for several months now. "Partici-
paction really does help one stay on top of
things," chortled the lithe, nubile and voluptuous former federal minister of amateur sports and disco. The two, entwined
amorously when interviewed atop one of
the hotel's crusty, stained mattresses said
they enjoyed BCTV's expose of their
raunchy romance. "You prolonged that
euphoric plateau for both of us . . . the
mattress, the room, it all looked so real —
just like the pictures I've seen of welfare
scum dwellings," volunteered the vacuous
Victoria vamp McCarthy. But the charismatic Campagnolo was more critical than
her parlaying partner. "The lighting was
all wrong," said the current hostess of
CBC's One of a Kind television show.
"And that damn boom mike kept getting
in the way." Meanwhile, a normally reticent Ray Perrault, cocky cabinet companion whose own intimate tete-a-tetes
with Campagnolo surpass the caucus
stage, blurted through tears: "I'm devastated ... I never knew Western solidarity
went so deep."
Back in the sassy seventies he was
known as Canada's enfant terrible
but now he calls himself just "another
rose in Pierre Trudeau's lapel."Paul
Rose of FLQ notoriety is presently considering an offer to serve on Trudeau's
task force on Whippin' the Shit out of
Rene. If Rose decides to join the Trudeau
team (or the unilateral commission as one
cynical journalist called it) he will join
many other high profile Canadians who
will do battle with the separatists in Quebec. The star studded list includes Bob
Gainey of the Montreal Canadiens who
worries that separation will mark the end
of the French presence on his hockey club,
and Maritime entrepreneur K. C. Irving
who is concerned that if the country splits
up no one will buy his products "cause
Maritimers sure as hell can't afford it."
Rose: enfant terrible I ■ '11 play hockey anywhere in the whole
■ wide world as long as they pay me
lots of money," proclaimed the dashing
Darryl Sittler when told of rumors circulating that the Maple Leafs might trade
him away. The goal-getting centre of the
Leaf's most powerful line has been on out
and outs with team owner Harold Ballard
ever since the former enrolled in an ICS
course on How to do Income Tax. Says
Sittler, "Harold doesn't think I'm a smart
guy, but geez you only have to pick up a
matchbook to realize you can have success
without college."
Though no one but her mother has yet
heard of Fluffy LaRue, chances are
that most of you have seen her demonstrating her abilities on such late night
classics as / Was a Teenage White Slaver
and The Mysterious Island of the Evil Dr.
Libido. Yet the former car hop at
Vancouver's trendy Texan Burger, where
you could get a burger for 15 cents and the
relish would turn your stomach green,
plans to launch her new career as a famous Canadian starlet by setting up shop
in Blaine, Washington, just across the
border from Vancouver. LaRue, whose
greatest wish is to become a model for a
well-known soap product before entering
the film world, expects her move south to
pay off. "I've got great legs, great breasts,
and I can really tan," says LaRue, 21. "I
really get dark in the sun. But I don't see
why a good Canadian girl like me has to
go to the States to make any kinda
money." LaRue's exodus may be averted
though, as more and more Canadian entrepreneurs set up tanning shops in local
shopping centres. But LaRue says she
doesn't fear the tanning shops. "All they
could possibly do is fry one's brains," she
said. "And that's something I never
worry about."
His books have been translated into
more than twenty languages, his
bank account transferred to Geneva, and
his belongings transported to Bermuda
LaRue: natural endowments include
just about everything, save acting
where he now resides. Arthur Hailey,
Canadian-born novelist, explains from his
tropical retreat: "Only by escaping from
the callous Canadian cold can I write escapist novels." The best-selling novelist
had temporarily laid aside his lucrative
trade in order to promote his new chain of
fast food restaurants, the first of which
opened up on Yonge Street last week.
"There's money to be made by slapping
something together quick," explained the
talented teller of tales. "It's amazing, but
people consume it." Hailey plans to head
back to the sun soon to put the finishing
touches on a novel about the dental profession. "I was going to call it Jaws," said
the sun-stroked storyteller, "but fucking
Benchley stole the idea."
She was given the honorary title of
Queen of the Swilers at a ceremony in
St. Anthony's, Newfoundland, last week.
Braving the crisp cold, Her Royal Highness led a party of hunters to an adjacent
ice floe in search of the season's first seal,
angering environmentalists everywhere.
Does . . . Her Majesty plan other forays
into the world of eco-politics? "Well,
Phillip does so badly want to hunt a few
Russians, but I suppose we'll have to settle for Northern Ireland. Again."
J^^^^a^^^^H^Hfii|iii
Editorial
A pox on pompous,
pontificating old fools
-;
By Peter C. Puck                                                            condescending language, particularly when combin-
eu witn tne use oi masterruiiy craned parenthetical
■■ here's nothing that bothers me more than a         phrases and obscure terms and references is an art
/   J_\  pompous old fart pushing ideas at people in a         form that should not be allowed to fall into the
didactic, ceremonious fashion. It galls me to         hands of the unwashed masses,
watch John Diefenbaker spouting off about grain            It would seem, though, that others do not share
and little log cabins in Saskatoon. After all, who        this worldly view of journalistic license. If it were
cares about that void that stretches for miles after        not   for   my   charming   nature   and   prominent
the Ontario border?                                                          Establishment connections, I would feel inclined to
There are others too numerous to mention who        challenge my imitators to some manly competition
get my goat. There's a general feeling of provincial        involving the use of clenched fists for pugilistic pur-
speechifying in the Canadian air. Politicians, jour-        poses. Fortunately that will not be necessary. The
nalists, even real working people, are starting to        goodly paunch I have earned as a wealthy author
sound like stilted schoolteachers to me. A famous        would offer little protection from the world-starved
friend  of mine  once  said that  imitation  is the        knuckles of blood-and-guts journalists with a point
sincerest form of flattery, but I can't swallow that.        to prove.
Imitation is simply trying to horn in on a good thing.            The solution is painfully simple. If the rest of the
In fact, if I had my own way I would have        journalistic  community  leaves   pompous,   phony
copyrighted the use of condescending language in        Liberal editorializing to me, they will be able to get
editorials years ago. (Condescending means talking        on with their work and I will still be able to collect
down to people as if they were children unable to        my fat salary. As I previously related, I can't stand a
comprehend what you are talking about.) The use of        pompous old fart — unless it's me.
Maclown's
APRIL 1.1980
Editor
Peter C. Puck
Managing Editor
Jake Milford
Deputy Managing Editor
Dalton Camp
Senior Editors
Margaret Trudeau, Carole Taylor
Art Director
Mantovani
National Editor
Don Herron
Foreign Editor
Helen Hutchison
Entertainment Editor
Knowlton Nash
Professions Editor
Wendy King
John Farris (Assistant to Professions Editor)
Dissection Editors
David Suzuki, Christian Barnard
Business Editor
Eddie Shack
Sports Editor
Tony Gallagher
People Editor
Margaret Trudeau
Senior Writers
Arthur Hailey, Pierre Berton,
Mordecai Richler, Robertson Davies
Associate Editors
Larry Robinson, Serge Savard
Assistant Editors
Gilles Lupien, Rod Langway
Bureaus
Ottawa: George Brabcato (Chief). Lily Schreyer
British Columbia: Gunther Plaut (Toronto)
Alberta: David Crombie (Toronto)
Quebec: Rusty Staub (Montreal)
Washington: Carl Woodward (Retainer)
New York: Le Bonhomme du Carnival (Studio 54)
Africa: James Richardson (Canary Islands)
Chief of Research: Erich Vogt
Librarian: Basil Stuart-Stubbs
Editorial Controller: Bern Grady
Correspondents
Spuzzum: Fred Puck, Lac La Hache: Diane Puck,
Hinton: Pierre Puck, Brooks: Norman Puck,
Humboldt: Karen Puck,
F/in Flon: Ernie Mclean (new appointment),
Red Lake: Rod Sedlbauer, Chicoutimi: Claude Ryan,
Riviere de Loup: Keith Davey,
Sussex: David MacDonald, Jerry Hourihan,
Antigonish: Chuckles Connaghan
Athens: George Popadopoulos, Etobicoke: Candy Conn,
Mississagua: Ian Sinclair, London: Mr. Thatcher,
Port Hope: Darryl Sittler, Milhaven: Harold Ballard,
Paris: Gerard Pelletier, Berlin: Brick Wall.
Kingston: Family Compact,
Upper Canada College: Editor's nephew,
Sydney: Editor's son,
Tokyo: Sorry, can't spell those people's names
Contributing Editors: Keith Richards, Mick jagger.
Chuck Windsor, Paul McCartney, Timothy Leary,
Garner Ted Armstrong
Production Editors: Larry Binby, Don McCorkindale
Design Coordinator: Jim Banham
|    Publisher
j    Vice-President, Magazine Division
Lloyd M. Hodgkinsonsdisease
Associate Publisher/Director of Advertising:
Blatant N. Obnoxious
General Manager: Punch Imlach
Circulation Manager: William Harvey
Advertising Sales Manager: Fred Vyse
Special Projects/ Promotion Manager:
Stanley Livingstone
Sales Development/Research Manager:
Francis Fox
Advertising Production Manager: John Labatt
Customer Service Manager: Ronald McDonald
Maclown's is published by the Orangemen on Yonge St.
Chairman and Chief Executive Officer
John K. Strachan
President
Wil E. Cayote
Vice-President. Printing Division
Egerton Ryerson
Art Staff:
Pablo Picasso, Vincent van Gogh (Senior Designers)
Cornelius Kreighoff (Designer)
Earl Smith (Assistant Designer to the
Director's assistant gopher)
Photo Editor: Louis Letcher
Don Demented (Assistant Photo Editor)
David Drool (Cleavage Researcher)
Chief Staff Photographer: Josef Karsh
Copy Editor: Who Cares
Associate Copy Editor: Editor's father
MACLOWN'S/APRIL 1, 1980 Letters
Prince's peckings
a price to pay
We were not amused with your most recent publication. Your photograph
depicting Charles being embraced by a
young commoner, in his bathing trunks,
was to say the very least shocking and outrageous. You have sunk to the lowest depths of depravity and we are insulted.
S-was outlawed in the Victorian age and
though millions of plebians, filthy commoners continue to roll in such putrid exploitations of the human flesh and pollute
what rightly belongs to the Lord, the
Royal family does not. We prefer to have
ours delivered from Harrods. Please remember such sensibilities in the past, you
wretched colonists.
MY MAJESTY THE QUEEN,
BUCKINGHAM PALACE, LONDON
It's terribly dark in here. Please let me
out. I'm terribly sorry for what I did. i
mean, doesn't anyone forgive or forget?
It has been almost 100 years now. I'm
tired of the damp. I'm tired of the rats.
I'm tired of the gruel. Really, I'm sorry. I
just can't put it any other way. I promise I
won't do it again. You will tell Mommy,
won't you.
JACK THE RIPPER, BUCKINGHAM PALACE,
SKELETON'S CLOSET
Al baby, we hear ya
Thank God for Al Frothingham's
sensibility in this age of.insanity. So
masterful, so wise, that sexy little gnome
who knows and tells all is the reason that I
get up in the morning. As you speak from
mount, Al baby, we hear ya.
But seriously, this is just my way of saying thank you to the guy who keeps the
Liberals in line, Jim Coutts crying and Joe
Who shivering in his boots. Here's to you
Mr. Canada.
SALLYE FROTHINGHAM, KERRISDALE, B.C.
Frothingham's gone too far this time.
Calling my family "a bunch of Liberal
ocelot killers" gets us no nearer the truth
than any other of your fat unpleasant columnist's pathetic attempts at humour.
When will people realize that Frothing-
ham is just as much a Liberal as the rest of
us and that we're getting rather tired of
his enfant terrible act? What does he
want, a cabinet position or something?
Unfortunately, he's got about as much
charisma as a piece of damp cheese or Eugene Whelan. You'll have to do better
than that, Allan.
A MESSAGE FROM SOME OF THE PEOPLE
WHO BROUGHT YOU THE LIBERAL PARTY,
REBOZO ACRES, WEST VANCOUVER
Prince Charles: beach blanket bingo
Typically Torontonian
Congratulations. You did a marvelous job
on the cover article (The Average Rural
Canadian, March 3). It has long bothered
me though, that Maclown's hasn't done
an article on The Average Urban Canadian in almost two months now. When
you do get around to doing it, perhaps I
can be of some help. I always watch
Saturday hockey games. I love maple
sugar. I think Dr. Bondolo is Canadian
culture. I know who Larry Zolf is. My son
plays lacrosse. I say excuse me when people step on my foot. I think Indians are alright, when sober. French people are
quaint and their culture should be preserved. In a box. I have 3.2 children, a station
wagon and a cottage on Wasaga Beach.
And I only read the books in the library
that have those red maple leafs on them.
ED MUCKLUCK, MISSISSAGUA, ONT.
Cruisin' for bruisin'
Just a note to tell you that the socialist
hordes are getting real uppity out here.
That's all. I was just afraid that you might
have missed it.
REV. PHIL GAGLARDI,
SOMEWHERE ON HWY. 97, B.C.
Hellzapoppin
You people have no idea what kind of a
hell this is. Boring, boring, boring.
There're these seven guys who do nothing
but paint trees. And a young fellow who
shoots down dozens of German triplanes.
And an alcoholic old fart who builds railroads. At least a lot of them are British.
But I do miss Olive.
JOHN DIEFENBAKER, HEAVEN,
FAMOUS DEAD CANADIANS SECTION
Ifs pronounced 'nigra'
Your writer seems to have missed the
point when he claims suburban Canada is
"a nation of installment plans, whining
brats and plastic flamingoes." I've lived
in Rexdale for over 25 years now and
never once have I seen any of these things.
My house and all my household articles
were paid for long ago. My 2.3 children
are very happy and both have interesting
and fulfilling jobs down at the Burger
King. My front lawn is tastefully designed
in the "Camptown Races" motif as featured in the June, 1958, Holiday and the
cute negro jockeys are always popular
with observant passersby.
R. U. SAYN,
SOMEWHERE IN REXDALE
Doggie bagged
Arf. Arf. Bow wow. Etc. Master wants to
know if this Trudeau fellow plans to
break master's record. If so, master won't
stand for it.
PAT III, RIDEAU CLUB, TROPHY ROOM,
THIRD ONE DOWN FROM THE LEFT
Ohh, a titillating tale
It's Shutt, gingerly threading his way
through a bevy of players at centre ice. He
pauses at the Bruin blue line, and dumps
the puck into the corner after Larouche
gets back on sides. It's picked up by
Lafleur on the right side...he hesitates.
It's BACK TO THE POINT, Lapointe
over to the left side to Savard, it's the
spinorama, he catches Mondou on the fly
in front. THE DRIVE! Ohh, Danny an
enormous save by the Bruin goalie.
Everyone's inside the blue line for this
face-off. It's back to the point. A
titillating blast from Lapointe
and...where IS it, asks the goalie. Oh, it's
caught in his paraphenalia, but that was
indeed a scintillating save. From the face-
off to Lafleur. The Drive! ...HE
SCORES. OHH, WHAT A BLAST.
Again, Dick, Montreal shows the importance of winning those face-offs.
DANNY GAl.l IVAN, THfc FORUM
MONTRtAI
Letters are edited, all references to the hinterland may
be condensed. Writers must prove their support of
federalism. Address all correspondence to the Reichs-
fuhrer, Maclown's magazine, 1 Bay St., Toronto, Ontario.
didn't become the absolute power, first
minister, grand poohbah and head hon-
cho of this shitpit just to have lower-class
Yorkshiremen making damn near as much
as I do. To hell with those filthy little
Commies, they can eat dirt and excrement
as far as I'm concerned," she said.
Canadian pundits agree that Maggie is
entirely right. And anyone who disagrees,
Peter will have him blackballed in every
civilized country on earth, the son of a
bitch. That's the story of Canadian journalism from London, England. My byline
appears below. joe Drivel
Thatcher: scraping, scrubbing
Yugoslavia
If he wasn't nailed
to his bed ...
Buried deep in the unwelcoming belly
of Belgrade's grey-stoned Peoples
Liberation Hospital lies the
withered, decaying body of the last leader
of the Second World War era, Josep Tito.
But while Tito has survived umpteen
operations in the last week, bringing the
total somewhere near the million mark,
Tito is reported to be in excellent spirits.
"No, no, is not yet dead," says Dr.
Jurgqwu Puouj, Tito's personal physician. Puouj himself has been instrumental
in ensuring Tito's survival; he was the
man responsible for making the decision
to cut off Tito's leg without his permission when gangrene threatened to take his
life. But all is not calm at the hospital,
where government ministers and
bureaucrats file by to consult with Puouj
throughout the day, where Tito's faltering
condition demands constant watch.
Yet some observers here feel medical
science has yet to advance far enough to
save the failing 81-year-old leader. While
freezing Tito's body until new cures are
discovered has been ruled out by Puouj
and his troika of advisers, his remaining
limbs and as many as "two or three" vital
organs have been removed to delay
death's arrival. It is the imminent possibility of Tito's death, and the unquestioned
heralding of another Soviet invasion the
-event would result in, that is the lunchtime
talk in Belgrade's bazaars and sidewalk
cafes.
"Tito — great man. Stalin — very evil.
Russia — very evil. With Tito, no Russia.
Without Tito, plenty Russians. Plenty
Russians — plenty dead people, raped
mothers and eaten babies," said one
Belgrade student over bites of grilled Serbian sheepherders, a delicacy that was
once the staple of the Yugoslavian diet
when the country was spelled Jugoslavia.
And while that fear of Soviet invasion is
on the mouths of virtually everyone in the
capital city, one Western diplomat says he
is unconcerned of Soviet military might.
"As long as Tito lives, and that will be
long, there will be no Russian," said the
diplomat. "And Tito will indeed live long
— in people's minds. I personally think he
croaked sometime during the Cuban
missile crisis. And it is admittedly difficult
to rule a European country when you're
dead. But look at Spain. They kept a
Catholic priest at Franco's bedside constantly for four years — and the priest
died."
Apart from such details, however, it is
apparent that Yugoslavia should enjoy the
stability of Tito's rule until sometime in
the mid-1990s, at which time the grand
old man would be approaching 96, when
Puouj expects there will be nothing left to
amputate. Except, of course, the plug
connecting the leader with his life-support
machinery.
Pango-Pango
Denizens rejoice
over bloody coup
Denizens of this tiny island kingdom are once again rejoicing over
the annual deposing of the editors
of The Daily Blah. Junta leader Vermin
John Eh? McDonald, hairiest of the puce
blorgs, immediately threatened to rewrite
Pangonian history to erase any mention
of former benevolent dictators Blather On
and Scum Rawporn.
The Cosmos
The end of
the known world
Reports continued to filter into Toronto of a major thermonuclear exchange between the Soviet Union and
the United States. Alleged participants
could not be reached due to poor
telephone connections but Metro citizens
are advised not to panic until further
notice.
MACLOWN'S/APRIL 1, 1980      11 World!
lAr-NM'.'ilVJ
Dropping the
government
for a broom
The posturing of hard-line hysterical unions doesn't scare Britain's
Iron Lady. Nor does hard work.
Adroitly combining her disdain for these
two causes of Britain's economic maladies, unions and fear of work, Prime
Minister Thatcher embarked on a new
campaign last week, or maybe last month.
This time her weapons weren't television cameras or photographers or cheap
publicity-grabbing stunts but a broom,
dustrag and mop. Taking seriously opposition slogans about Maggie and her ruthless broom, Thatcher is ready to prove
that labor demands for more pay have no
relation to the reality of work actually
done.
"See, there's nothing to it," Thatcher
said as she swept up her office in Westminster early in the morning. And that
was only the beginning. Throughout the
entire day, right up until three in the afternoon, Thatcher took time out from her
many duties to give the windows a wipe,
wax the area behind her desk and dust her
antique collection.
"I used to do this in my parent's grocery store, where we lived out back in a
Thatcher: cleans up, again
paper bag in the bottom of the septic
tank, and I thought it was fun," she said
cheerfully. "I don't know why those pro
les out there want so much money for it."
Thatcher pointed out she didn't feel the
least tired after taking on the extra work.
"Today I did it for free. This country
would be a lot better off if more people
did that every day." After all, it's not
really all that much, is it? Those nasty
men with dirt under their fingernails living
high off what they've stolen from the people in this country who supply the jobs
should think about that for a minute."
Just in case people attack her for being
a one person show, Thatcher has ordered
all her cabinet ministers to do eight hours
in mines, factories and mills to prove the
ease of the life of the average working
man. So far, despite several underground
explosions, an accidental garroting at
British Leyland and three lost hands from
prominent cabinet ministers at various industrial locations, Thatcher is still optimistic about her new program.
"With well over 300 MPs to choose
from, we have a lot left over for cabinet
posts so that someone can sign their
names," she said. "It's unfortunate for
Humphrey, Wiggins and Balderdash-
Hawthorn, but those are the breaks."
Maggie won't let anyone talk her out of
destroying the economic system of the
world's oldest industrial empire. "After
all, if I can clean a window, Lord Haver-
sham can easily drill holes for dynamite
charges four miles under in the Sheffield
mines."
Nor does it bother the prime minister of
the world's most populous parliamentary
democracy that the whole country might
grind to a half if members of labor unions
were excluded from normal work because
of so-called "scab" labor on the part of
the cabinet. "So long as the work is done,
what do I care?" said Thatcher.
"Lord Balderdash-Hawthorn has been
a mining magnate for nearly forty years.
Why should he not know how to dig a
hole?" Thatcher has told the weak-kneed,
limp-wristed reformists in her cabinet that
it's "put up or shut up." She says anyone
can do what they set out to do, regardless
of lack of skill, training or know-how. "If
a woman like me can become prime minister of Britain, then those assholes can
wipe out toilets and scrub wall-skirtings."
Thatcher said recent reports of mutilation, castration, injury and death because
of this new program are "exaggerated."
Everyone thinks the prime minister is going to cut off her head, she said. If one is
careful, and avoids the really dangerous
jobs, she said, they've got no problem.
"Look at me mopping floors. Do I look
like I'm in danger?"
Thatcher with equal ease and poise
dismisses charges she is risking her government on ideological grounds. So far as
the Iron Lady is concerned, all those who
oppose her are nothing but cretins and
poor people who should be made into
sausage at the earliest opportunity.  "I
Canada i
Wooing a wayward West
By P. Hare Flirtin
As the dying rays of the sun settled
like dust across Prime Minister
Pierre Trudeau's desk — symbolizing the death of another day in the life
of a tired and previously retired Liberal
leader — top Liberal aides scurried about
in mass confusion at the startling news
that a party-sponsored study had just
revealed. The Liberal party's lack of
representation west of the Ontario-
Manitoba border's Great Divide came as a
surprise to the Trudeau government, still
basking in the glory of their resounding
defeat of Joe Clark's Conservatives. With
the news came the realization that
Western Canada might become separated
from the mainstream of Canadian life,
east adrift from the central mecca of
Toronto and its important suburb Ottawa.
Liberal organizers have not waited long
to start remedial action, assigning the problem to Jean-Pierre Achete-Vote, a
Toronto educated and trained mastermind of Liberal victories on the Ontario
provincial scene. Achete-Vote's "One
Man, One Bottle, One Vote" campaign
strategy that showed great promise on the
Liberal drawing boards is not appropriate
for the West, though, and Grit strategists
quickly drafted a new approach. Achete-
Vote gets credit for the new idea, which is
simply to send Ontario-trained Liberal
candidates into the West to win back the
lost oil lands for the Grits.
"There is no political talent out there,"
slurred Achete-Vote in his thick Torontois
accent. "So I invented the idea of
'parachuter'. The plan is a living monument to Grit thinking, a daring venture
which pits the competence of the East
against the gullibility of the West. The
VOL. 666 NO. 13
Bagman Granola: a mouse in every
house . . .; February Liberal candidate
Ontario Grits, cleverly trained in Western
mannerisms, will be smuggled into
Western Canada posing as plumbers and
parasite control specialists who have been
transferred from Toronto offices.
The first sacrificial lamb to leave the
Toronto Grit fold to stake a claim in the
other part of the country is J. Mellow
Granola, alias G. Rit Hack, known for his
hard-line party stands and tough campaigning methods. With his suitcases
packed full of bug repellant and Valium,
Granola headed for the West that will
become his new home. Arriving in Vancouver on a midnight flight, he quickly
entered the mainstream of B.C. politics,
flitting agilely across the ropes that have
hung so many Grit hopefuls in the past.
Granola is a natural campaigner with an
eye for the ladies, particularly those with
white fur coats. Not satisfied with winning
the hearts of just the voting public, he
matches wits with Tory spies of all shapes
and sizes in the hopes of planting the Grit
flag in the heart of the West.
If the Grit plan is to succeed, Granola
must seduce Vancouverites away from
their middle-of-the-road Conservative
voting patterns and re-instill their middle-
of-the-road Liberal instincts. It will not be
MACLOWN'S/APRIL 1, 1980       7 an easy sk, but Granola is confident he
can m ..iage it with the resources of the
awesome provincial Liberal machine at his
disposal. There is "no doubt" in his mind
that Westerners are true Grits, needing
only "a swift kick in the Bermuda shorts"
to shock them out of their dislike for
Pierre Trudeau and his government.
"This is a great opportunity for me personally," Granola said to a pest control
convention last week, "to come out here
and get the bugs out of the B.C. Liberal
movement." He handled Tory hecklers
with ease, advising them not to be pests
and threatening federal reprisals for
Western defiance. "We'll cut off your gas
and oil," Granola said passionately. "But
it you elect me to represent your interests
in Ottawa, I'll do my best to help keep the
toothpick industry going so B.C. will have
a ready market for its lumber."
Granola's tactics are taking the provincial Vancouverites by storm, a common
phenomenon on the rain-stricken West
Coast, but the true test of his mettle will
come in the by-election scheduled for
April 1, 1981, in the Tory-held Vancouver
South riding. Grit tacticians are confident
that Vancouver South MP John Fraser
will encounter a personal scandal within
the next six months that will force him to
resign his seat.
West Coast living agrees with Granola,
who sleeps through the day in his luxurious suite in Vancouver's famed
American hotel, rousing himself at dusk
U.SJU
and heading downstairs to his noisy campaign headquarters for a liquid breakfast.
A lively country and western band creates
a truly Western atmosphere for Granola's
campaign, and occasionally scuffles erupt
as Tory spies are uncovered and bashed.
Granola sits unruffled through the din,
confident that his supporters are doing
their best to swing public influence toward
the   Grit   platform,   confident   that  his
Alberta's quite crude
The constantly abuilding skylines of
Calgary and Edmonton poke
through a haze that is becoming
less and less the grey white of ice and
more the sepia of exhaust fumes. At
huge brand new service stations
everything from diesel to space shuttle
fuel is luxuriously laid on at prices that
would cause mouths to water back
home in Toronto.
Homeowners happily put off insulating their glass-covered homes and
their huge oil furnaces, often fed directly
from major pipelines, are used as well to
heat the family three-car garage so their
fragile Detroit behemoths can survive
the harsh sub-Arctic winter.
While the country's rulers have been
playing the oil pricing game close to the
vest, awaiting the long-delayed decision
of Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau
on price rises, out on the prairie the
locals have already made up their minds.
Jake McCullough, consultant to
several oil companies and member of
the board of directors of a half dozen
more, chuckles as he rubs his hands
under the special spigots at Calgary's
Petroleum Club where gas or crude is
available on tap so executives can enjoy
the products of the wells they rarely see.
"We're going to screw you bastard
easterners until you squeak," he says
lightly and chuckles again.
It's not the money, he says and points
out the Albertan standard of living
would make any further revenue redundant. "We just want your asses, that's
all. We've never forgiven you for thinking Ukrainian folk dances weren't
sophisticated enough for Canada Council grants or for all your smarmy jokes
about cowboy hats and the Calgary
Stampede. We've waited a long time
and now we're going for the gonads."
McCullough, a recently naturalized
native of Dallas, Texas, scorns Liberal
promises of gas price hikes of between
12 and 16 cents a gallon. "No way. You
threw out Joe for trying to give you a
sweet deal and patty-cake time is over.
It's going to come through the nose until your testicles tighten."
The real issues, of course, go deeper
than that. Flushed with its new riches
and coming off a period of ever-
expanding power under the Conservative minority government. Alberta
wants to test the powers of the federal
government right down the line and
revamp the constitution to fit the desires
of Prince Peter Lougheed.
Granola:  predicts Eastern sweep
adopted electorate will take his views
seriously. A glassy-eyed campaign aide,
obviously overcome by Granola's
magnetic presence, jots down details of
the night's activities, planning a strategy
to win all-important votes. "First of all,
Mr. Granola, sir," the aide slurs in his
Vancouverois dialect, "we've got a few
lawns to mow and then there are a few
anonymous letters to local newspapers we
can mail." Granola simply nods, obviously deep in thought, eyes closed and clenched fists slowly relaxing.
If there is any single factor that will
make or break Granola's plan, it is his
massive intellect. When other campaigners rush out to the streets to buy the
votes of an unsuspecting populace,
Granola's low-key campaign might be just
the trick that wins the hearts of Vancouver's conservative electorate. If the
Grit plan is successful, Granola will
realize his greatest dream — to return to
the golden arches of Ontario with a job in
his grasp. "After all," Granola says,
momentarily surfacing from his tranquil
meditations, "Joe Clark became prime
minister without ever having a job. Why
not me?" Why not indeed?
Gunning for
the presidency
It was a clearly confident Ronald Reagan who approached a mike at a meeting of the Rotary Club of Jersey City
last week. But before Reagan uttered the
first words of his standard speech, he
stumbled awkwardly, pitching forward.
While stunned onlookers gasped, alert
Secret Service agents wrestled the assailant
to the ground. The culprit: a loose bit of
carpeting that provided the first, albeit inconclusive, opportunity for some
historical reporting.
It has been a droll presidential primary
campaign, so dull that one American
journalist calls it The Year of the Boar,
referring to both the campaign and the candidates. This campaign has admittedly
been an aberation — while Bobby Kennedy died at the hands of an assassin immediately after the California primary in
1968, and George Wallace was sentenced
to a wheelchair for life in a Maryland
shopping centre during the 1972 campaign, not one attempt has been publicly
made on any of the 11 presidential candidates. One reason being given at
Georgetown cocktail parties: there are no
good Democrats worth snuffing.
While events may become slightly more
dramatic when the final two contestants
are selected sometime this summer, it appears unlikely that there will be anything
approaching the famed Zapgrueder film
of '63. But it won't be for a lack of trying.
Teddy Kennedy, whose brothers Bobby
Reagan: false alarm
Flasher, Granola: oops
and Jack have both been felled by
assassin's bullets, is generally given the
best chance of becoming a banner
headliner, with television crews from the
three networks filming every second of his
public appearances. He's also generally
given a wide berth, most reporters realizing that / Was Shot When Teddy Was
Shot books simply don't sell. Or make
careers. Just look at John Connally.
On the democratic side, Kennedy is
clearly the front-runner, calmly facing
hostile crowds like those that booed him,
wife Joan and Chicago Mayor Jane Byrne
prior to the Illinois primary. Teddy appears confident that history won't repeat
— in fact, he's even tempting fate by campaigning with sister-in-law Jackie Onassis
in tow. President Jimmy Carter isn't as
self-confident, choosing to remain in the
relative security of the White House,
brooding about the possibility of an
assassin's killer rabbit getting through the
security screen. As for flakey California
Governor Jerry Brown, most observers
feel that he'd be more likely to be on the
trigger end of a pistol rather than the
other way around.
As for Republicans, the field has been
crowded, making it difficult for lone
assassins or even conspiratorial special interest groups from picking just the right
target. But as Reagan emerges as the clear
front-runner, it seems likely that violent
disapproval will become more focused.
Yet the Reagan age factor might seriously
affect that kind of outcome, thus marking
his choice for second-in-command as the
person with their ass on the line.
Phillip Crane, John Connally, Howie
Baker, Bob Dole and even George Bush
are thought to be too boring to be of any
consequence, and have generally been
wiped off of most observers' list. As for
self-righteous John B. Anderson, the
crusading pseudo-liberal/conservative
representative from Illinois, it is apparent
that many more victories have to be won
before he'll become a darling of the fringe
elements. Anderson, better known as
John The Baptist on the media plane, is
thought to be potential martyr material,
depending on his showing in the Wisconsin and California primaries.
It must be said, of course, that some
American political analysts are suggesting
that violence in politics is rapidly extinguishing itself in an oxidation of
hatred.   But   that   optimistic   viewpoint
Kennedy, Onassis: is that
a pink dress Jackie?
misses one clear but unpleasant fact. The
potential media exposure, coupled with
the pity factor, may well be the factor that
decides this election. And if you doubt
that potential for self-abuse, keep this fact
in mind. Only two of 11 candidates eager
for the presidency are in favor of gun
registration. The mind boggles.
William Bowser
He calls it his
seventh crisis
His latest reincarnation is as a
novellist, but no one is really
counting out the Won't Say Die Kid,
better known as former President
Richard Nixon. While insiders in
Washington say he doesn't stand a
chance, Nixon seems determined to
make a last second stab at the
Republican nomination. The only thing
stopping him? Campaign funds —
sources close to him say Nixon has virtually no "clean" cash at hand. Nixon is
coping with his latest crisis by panhandling for contributions on Manhattan
street corners. "It's a little embarrassing
asking for dimes and subway tokens,"
the man born in the house his father
built said recently. "But let me make this
clear — we're doing a fuck of a lot better
now that the Secret Service agents are
engaging in a few shakedowns. Shit, we
made almost $10 from one school yard
alone last week." Is the disgraced
former public servant wary of stepping
back into public life? "I tell you, serving
four years beats hell out of doing 3-5 at
Attica. I mean, they allow Negroes there
right? But have you ever seen one at a
Governor's convention? Or one run for
president"
MACLOWN'S/APRIL 1, 1980 1373/
' tat mas a gear that nrasn
By JULIE WHEELWRIGHT
Once again student politicians have whil-
ed away the year playing their favorite game
— apathy.
But they are not the only ones responsible
for the weak student voice that has done little to generate change on this campus —
students themselves have been quiet.
But the administration has not. The
1980s will see indexed tuition fees, a high
technology research park, possibly another
Lady Godiva ride and no favors for foreign
students on campus.
September saw the administration in one
of its finest acts of incompetence when
mathematics professor Dale Rolfson ac-
cidently discovered radioactive sodium 22
stashed in the basement of the math annex.
UBC's radiation and pollution control
officer Bill Rachuk simply said he was "embarrassed."
"It is on the oddest of occasions and you
caught me, that we have sodium 22," he
CLARKE . . . invisibly yours
said. Rachuk's supervisor graduate studies
dean Peter Larkin and administration president Doug Kenny both knew little of the
way station that had been in use for the
previous 12 years.
The next day the radioactive material was
removed and sent to Chalk River, Ont. but
math professors were still upset about the
incident. "I was very upset to find out that
things were run in such a casual manner,"
said Jim Carrell whose office was located
above the dump.
The administration was meek when dealing with the engineering undergraduate
society this year even though they took
measures  to  try  and   subdue  the  Lady
Godiva   ride   and   the   offending   EUS I
newsletter. j
In early October applied sciences dean j
Martin Wedepohl said the Lady Godiva j
ride would probably go ahead despite his
opposition. "I'm going to have to resign
myself to one more Lady Godiva ride," he
said.
In  September,  Wedepohl admitted he
would not try and stop the ride even though
he had told The Ubyssey in Feb. 1979 when ;
teaching at the University of Manitoba that
he was opposed to the event.
Last February the EUS held a referendum with Wedepohl as returning officer to
determine whether the ride would go ahead.
But the ride itself met with an unprecedented amount of opposition.
In early February the women students'
office, fed up with the administration's
lethargy, challenged members to take action against the EUS.
Women students' office director Lorette
Woolsey said the November 1979 newsletter
libelled one woman and gave her home telephone number; as a result, she received obscene telephone calls, and strange men were
seen prowling outside her home.
The victim Star Mahara and Arlene Francis, also referred to in the newsletter, officially filed a writ in B.C. supreme court in
late March. The writ named the EUS, the
Alma Mater Society and the university as
co-defendants in the case of allegedly
libelous published material.
EUS president Russ Kinghorn denied the
charges that the Lady Godiva ride or the
newsletter were sexist in content. "Hostile
humor my ass. There are a hell of a lot of
people in our organization that are fed up
with the women students' office," he said
in February.
The university administration and student groups also attempted to combat sexual harassment and rape on campus. In early September the administration allocated
$100,000 in an all-out war against sexual
harassment.
But there was some skepticism about the
project which included improved lighting
and upgrading of pathways near student
residences. "Those are all measures that
will help the situation, but the problem is
deeper than lighting. It's going to help but
it is not the solution," said women's committee member Kate Andrew.
Some applied science students, with a $50
EUS endorsement, established a "buddy
system" last month to improve women's
safety on campus.
The society endorsed a proposal whereby
women would arrange to walk together
across campus at night, or with male escorts
to ensure their safety from sexual harassment and rape. The system has yet to be
proved an acknowledged, workable solution.
Meanwhile, the UBC senate refused to
condemn the EUS for its sexist activities
that the women students' office has blamed
for discouraging women from entering the
engineering field.
But the deans themselves met in early
March to discuss the issue and passed a mo-
BELSHAW . . . facing charges
tion asking the gears to refrain from
holding the Lady Godiva ride and
publishing "offensive material and engaging in activities which may cause serious
distress to members of the university and
outside community."
Though the EUS did respond to public
pressure by stating that the Lady Godiva
ride would not be held "in the same form
next year," they left it up to everyone's imagination what the "form" would be.
Many remain skeptical.
This year provided good nurturing
ground for cynics. A federal election was
called in mid-December and the nation
warmed up for a winter campaign.
UBC students faced their own problems
and particular forms of entertainment as
they were alternately neglected and wooed
by politicians and Ottawa bureaucrates.
Troubles began in early January when
Vancouver Quadra head returning officer
Harold Morris realized that many students
living on campus were not enumerated
because they were living in their home
towns at the time of the May election.
But the problem did not stop there. A
federal government decision not to
establish polling booths on campus last
GAGE LOWRISE . . . Davis fails in debut as hotel manager
January threatened to leave some students
without a vote. Instead, Morris asked
students to travel three kilometers to
University Hill School to vote on Feb. 18
and charged an on campus poll would be
"impractical."
Morris saw the error of his ways when the
three major party candidates wrote to the
chief returning officer in Ottawa asking for
student polls and were granted one of the
two they asked for.
One daring UBC student John Eh?
McDonald braved the world of politics and
ran as a Rhino candidate for Vancouver
Quadra on a platform that would return
corruption to the railways and gin to the
house of commons. Needless to say, he lost.
On election day Conservative candidate
Bill Clarke once^gain topped the polls by a
wide margin of about 7,000 votes, leaving
Peter Pearse, Liberal hopeful and UBC
economics prof, (on leave), and NDP Alan
Bush far behind.
The CTV news program W5 sparked one
of the most controversial issues of the
winter campaign — foreign students. The
program, aired on Sept. 30, and entitled
Campus Giveaway, erroneously reported
that Canadian taxpayers were footing a $1
billion bill for educating the "elite of the
Third World," who came to Canada for a
cheap education.
UBC's academics and others across the
country denied allegations that students
were overrunning Canada's universities.
UBC faculty and student affairs vice-
president, Erich Vogt said foreign students
were   not   a   B.C.   problem.
Vancouver's   Chinese   Benevolent
Association   sponsored   an   all-candidates
; meeting in early February to discuss the
| program.   To   date   the   program   has
apologized for their inaccurate figures but
failed to admit their show was racist.
UBC did not lack tragedy this year when
former English professor Betty Belshaw's
body was found wrapped in a plastic bag on
a Swiss road near the start of the academic
year.
A memorial service was held for Belshaw
in early October and a month later her husband Cyril, a UBC anthropology professor,
was detained by French police while visiting
: Paris for questioning concerning his wife's
death.
Belshaw is currently being tried for her
murder in Switzerland after his extradition
from France by Swiss officials.
A near tragedy was a $12 million plan to
stop cliff erosion on Wreck beach that
UBC's board of governors seriously considered. The Swan Wooster plan would have
beefed up the beach, repaired cliff faces,
with viewpoints, scenic drives and bicycle
paths constructed.
Local environmentalists feared the plan
would destroy the beach's existing beauty
j and the proposal finally failed after public
outcry grew too loud to ignore and funds
for the project were unattainable.
The beach is currently undergoing a re-
seeding and landscaping program recommended by the Wreck beach committee.
Hotel Gage almost became a reality at
UBC as housing director Mike Davis, in an
attempt to scratch up funds for a multi-
million dollar renovation plan for Totem
Park, Place Vanier and Walter Gage towers
residences, suggested the Gage lowrise be
converted into a hotel.
The Gage lowrise committee came into
being, adamantly opposed to Davis' plan.
Davis announced Wednesday he realized
Vancouver's student housing situation was
critical, applications for the lowrise have increased this year and it would only be sensible that the hotel proposal be scrapped.
And next September when you're trudging back to these hallowed halls you'll probably face a tuition fee increase. Student
politicians got a nasty Christmas present in
early December when the board of governors decided to index student fees.
Tuition fees are now linked to increases
in provincial government operating grants
fto tuition increases on an annual basis.
And then, of course, we have the
research park to look forward to. But
that's another story and should be told by
others.
See ya next year.
Thursday, April 3, 1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition. Page 21 Corporations patenting life
By MICHAEL SHEPPARD
Canadian University Press
Major corporations obtaining exclusive
patents on human life-is what the genetics
business is all about, and the lack of controls promises an expensive future.
The categories of patentable inventions
provided for in the U.S. Patent Act of 1793
comprise "any new and useful process,
machine, manufacture, or composition of
matter, or any new and useful improvement
thereof."
It probably never occurred to those who
devised the criteria for patentability that life
itself would one day be considered suitable
to be patented as a marketable commodity.
But that is exactly what is happening lately. With the rapid advances in biological
research a coalition of scientists, lawyers
and corporate managers has emerged to lay
claim to microorganisms artificially designed in their laboratories.
Recent court rulings in the United States
have confirmed corporate entitlement to exclusive ownership and commercial control
of new lifeforms.
Although the patent and trademark office originally refused requests by Upjohn
and General Electric for commercial
patents relating to microorganisms
developed by company biologists, these
decisions were overturned in front of the
court for customs and patent appeals.
On Oct. 6, 1977 the Upjohn appeal was
granted. Dr. Malcolm Bergy had been able
to produce the antibiotic lincomycin form
— a strain of "streptomyes vellosus." The
bacterial strain essential to his invention
was not new, since it was taken from a soil
sample in the southwestern United States;
but the pharmaceutical products that can be
manufactured from a biologically pure
culture of the streptomyces bacteria were
found to be both new and to exhibit the
necessary utility to meet patentability requirements.
On March 2, 1978, the same court decided that General Electric research scientist
Ananda Chakrabarty's microorganism,
synthesized from the bacterium
Psuedomonas, using gene-splicing techniques, and capable of digesting petroleum in
oil spills, was acceptable as a patentable invention.
In its judgement the court found that
"the nature and commercial uses of
biologically pure cultures of
microorganisms are much more akin to inanimate chemical compounds . . . than
they are to horses and honeybees, or to
raspberries and roses."
The patent and trademark office
presented an appeal to the supreme court,
which after examination of the evidence,
called upon the court for customs and patent appeals to reconsider its decisions in the
light of another case where it was ruled that
a computer program didn't correspond to
the normal criteria for patenting.
But on March 29, 1979, the appeal court
dismissed the computer program analogy as
an irrelevant precedent to the Upjohn and
G.E. hearings and in a 4-1 majority reaffirmed its original decision in favor of the
two corporations. The court stated: "The
fact that microorganisms are alive is a fact
without legal significance."
Handing down the majority position,
judge Giles Rich said: "For nearly 200
years, since 1793, the conditions of admissibility have been construed liberally to
include the most diverse range imaginable
of unforeseen developments in
technology." He also reminded that Louis
Pasteur had been granted, in 1873, U.S. patent 141072 for yeast as an article for
manufacture.
The court rulings only confirmed the
growing commercial importance of genetic
engineering.
At the same time, an advisory committee
to the U.S. National Institute of Health
recommended that a large portion of current U.S. research in genetic recombination
be exempted from certain stringent safety
regulations enforced since 1976.
The institute committee called for the
relaxation of guidelines pertaining among
other things to the scale of operations permitted in the bacterial production of insulin. The new proposals would allow corporations involved in genetic research to
conduct work on insulin in quantities
greater than the 10 litre limit that previously
existed.
Looser restrictions came after pressure by
certain companies bent on going to market
with their new discoveries. So far several
breakthroughs in genetic engineering
techniques have demonstrated the feasibility of the efficient production of substances
such as interferon, a viral inhibitor,
somatotropin, a human growth hormone
used to combat hypopituitary dwarfism and
also to treat burns, to mend bone fractures
and to prevent muscular atrophy in geriatric
patients, and somatostatin, an important
brain hormone.
Two trail-blazers, Genentech, of
Berkeley, Calif., and Lilly, along with
many other genetic research groups who up
to now have on the whole complied voluntarily with institute rules, obviously
welcomed the less restrictive controls. Now
that it's easier to pursue experiments, expectations of commercial profit are so
much greater.
Increasingly larger corporations are
cashing in on what Fortune magazine has
already called the "industry of the future,"
whose "billion dollar prospects will make
the electronics boom of the late fifties and
of the sixties pale in comparison."
Hoffman-LaRoche, Dupont, Schering-
Plough, Standard Oil of California, to
name a few, are getting involved either by
founding their own research facilities or by
buying into smaller enterprises.
One case in point is that of INCO (International Nickel Co.). In 1975 Inco decided
to establish a venture-capital division that
would seek out lucrative investment opportunities. It caught on quickly to genetic
recombination. In 1976, it purchased
$500,000 worth of stock of Cetus Corporation, another Berkeley, California group
that unites scientific genius (its staff is a
Who's Who of microbiology) with an aggressive management strategy. The following year it acquired 10 per cent of Genentech. Finally, more recently, it set up a
wholly-owned subsidiary in Europe: Bio-
gen.
The Jan. 28, 1980 issue of Time reported
that Biogen has developed synthetic interferon employing the bacteria E. Coli,
and that prospects for commercial exploitation looked good.
The Age of Genetics and Brave New
World are not around the corner and obviously nobody is arguing that we should
commence the mass-production of
genetically redesigned humans. But the
happenings in and out of court do give us
some disquieting food for thought.
As Ted Howard of The Progressive
wrote, commenting on the March 29 patent
appeal court decision: "The judges simply
affirmed the scientific reductionism that
permeates modern genetics, an assumption
that every face of life — reproduction,
disease, mental ability, even emotions and
behavior — can be explained in terms of a
chemical base. In this process life is stripped
of its essential meaning, its inherent value,
its mystery. Or, as the court held in its opinion, 'life is largely chemicals.' "
But aside from such philosophical
qualms, one is still left with an eerie sentiment of discomfort to hear the so-called
"powers that be" of society call life a
chemical function or an industrial product
to be marketed for profit. Genetic engineering might make insulin and antibiotics more
readily available, but it's also going to make
some people awfully rich.
TOO   CHime  TO
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Final Edition, Page 22
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3, 1980 •MmipiiHinigiijmn^iiiuiii
UMitwaiiiii iiiiuin, mymnWti-
mtJmm
Bible believer hits cultural relativity of morals
I found Kurt Preinsperger's
perspectives (March 25, Ubyssey)
distasteful and often provoking. I
feel compelled to make a few
remarks concerning those
statements I found most disturbing.
"The trouble with religious
arguments is that they are not
amenable to reason — and the trouble with religious people is that they
forever try to impose their putrid
morality on everyone else!" This
blatantly provoking statement
presumably rests on the assumption
that religious people believe
unreasonably on the existence of
God (and Jesus Christ), and
therefore, by adhering to such an
"absurd" proposition, they simply
cannot be taken seriously
thereafter. It is understood that the
foundation of religious arguments
(the Bible), and the moral precepts
therein are not amenable to reason.
Therefore, religious arguments are
not amenable to reason . . .
My view maintains that: one,
there are established truths —
unalterable principles; and two, the
Bible releases these absolutes into
modern society "unchanged".
They are not and cannot be
amenable to change, even if the
change (i.e. in interpretation) appears reasonable, for what is
reason, but that which is considered
reasonable at the time. Following
from this, does it make sense that
the Bible be amended over the years
to reflect the values of a society?
The Bible would then be nothing
more than a code or handbook of
the desires and needs of a society,
shaped and distorted by what is
considered sensible at the time. If
such were the case, the Bible would
have lost all credibility long ago, for
it goes without saying that many of
the moral standards of societies (including those of our own modern
society), are suspect at best. It is
therefore indeed fortunate that the
Bible has not been amenable to
reason, and this is ample fortunate
that the bible has not been
amenable to reason, and this is am
ple explanation why religious people are not willing (nor are they able
according to their faith) to barter
with the morality contained in the
Bible.
A second line of reasoning that is
applicable here, follows directly on
grounds of logic (and modesty). We
all without exception would conclude (and reasonably so), that
mankind does not know everything.
In truth, we know very little of all
there is to know. A logical extension of this mild admission would
read that since we don't know
everything, the possibility exists of
there being a God, however small
that possibility may seem to be.
I am not trying to prove by way
of logical argument the existence of
God. It is suffice to say that God's
existence has not been, either
logically or scientifically, proven
nor disproven. This, I believe, is the
premise from which many Christians owe the beginning of their
faith; the small admission of a
"possibility" is the seed from which
their faith grows. From that small
beginning, God (through Jesus
Christ) begins to reveal himself in
their lives. It is clear, if the seed was
not thereafter provided with
nourishment — if there were not
more to religion than the mere admission of a possibility — Christianity would have died long ago.
"No one can please God without
faith, for whoever comes to God
must have faith that God exists and
rewards   those   who   seek   him"
(Hebrews 11:6).
How then can one say that Christianity and the morality upon which
it is based (love they neighbor as
thyself, etc.), is "putrid" and
unreasonable? The fact that hundreds of millions of people believe
in God does not suggest that there
are hundreds of millions of
unreasonable people willing to
believe in absurd entities, but rather
that these are people who have
made the admission that they don't
know-it-all, and have gone on from
there to receive something very
fulfilling and everlasting from their
faith. Who's to say they are wrong,
but those of us who are too unreasonable to make that commit
ment.
Further, one truly wonders about
statements like: "the value of
human life cannot seriously be
upheld . . . good girls owe a lot to
whores: that, very likely, they will
never get raped . . . every form of
sex that does not result in babies is
good . . ." etc., etc. Mr.
Preinsperger, first outlining his
morality as being based on prostitution, pornography and promiscuity,
then declares that religious morality
(based on love and forgiveness) is
"putrid". I leave it to the judgement of the reasonable man to
decide which morality is truly
reasonable.
Alan Postle
arts 2
UBC Gay People impressively came of age this year
By RICHARD SUMMERBELL
In case you didn't notice, Gay People of
UBC came of age this year. Two years ago,
veteran students may recall, an adventurous
Ubyssey reporter charted his/her way
through SUB's gloomy upper corridors and
located the then-reclusive gay club. The resulting article described a small organization
whose leaders lacked surnames and had attitudes ranging "from apathy to friendliness."
This year, by contrast, the club was able to
hold a $10 per plate dinner which attracted 85
people. It was heard from not only in The
Ubyssey, but in Vancouver Magazine, the
Vancouver Sun, and other publications, as
well as on several radio and television stations. Friendliness was still present among
both leaders and ordinary members, but
apathy was little in evidence.
The events of the year, when put together,
make an impressive list. Over a dozen speakers were brought in to speak on subjects
ranging from literature to law to religion.
There were five films, two debates with members of the AMS debating society, a "personal growth" weekend led by professional
counsellor Dr. Jaime Smith, plus numerous
dances, coffeehouses, parties, and other social events. Toronto poet Ian Young read
from both his published and his unpublished
works, and Rev. Ellen Barrett, an outstandingly likeable individual with the distinction
of being the first lesbian ordained as an Episcopalian priest, spoke not only to Gay UBC
and other campus groups, but to the Vancouver school of theology, and even to the audience of the Vancouver Show. Also, feminist
Kate Millett's UBC appearance, although
primarily organized by the AMS women's
committee, was co-sponsored and publicized
by Gay UBC. Gay Week 1980, the week-long
series of events which featured both Millett
and Rev. Barrett, was an event unprecedented in the club's history.
Off-campus, Gay UBC was one of the organizations chiefly responsible for the successful boycott of the Back to Eden health
food store, which maintained a policy of discrimination against gay employees. The club
also co-sponsored the distribution of an information leaflet at the movie Cruising.
The metamorphosis of Gay UBC from a
rather secretive small group to a major campus organization is not an isolated event.
Several other Vancouver gay organizations
have been revitalized lately, and one local
group, the Vancouver gay community centre
society, now has over 300 members. A subtle
but significant change has taken place in the
local gay movement.
Until recently, most gays with the necessary skills and knowledge to make organizations successful avoided contact with the gay
movement in order to protect careers or personal relationships. Many were inhibited by
the persistent illusion that gays working together could accomplish little. Primarily, the
perspectives
development that has had to take place in the
Vancouver gay community has been a recognition of its own potential. Gay UBC has
done this year what in previous years was unimaginable; moreover, it has done it in such a
way that everyone involved has enjoyed the
experience.
We can only hope that the trend which began this year will be continued in years to
come. One project for future years is already
under way: a fund is being created which will
allow Gay UBC to award a $100 book prize
each year to a gay student. The award will be
listed with the UBC awards office.
Richard Summerbell, a member of Gay
People of UBC, wrote this on behalf of the
club.
Frustrated debater still swears by Ubyssey rag
By RICHARD CLARK
Whatever are we to do with The Ubyssey?
It's our student newspaper — we pay for it
with our AMS fees, and it's not a trifling cost
either. But we never seem to get our money's
worth. The Ubyssey is generally regarded as a
continuing campus joke, good for a few giggles from the letters page and adequate for
whiling away a lunch hour.
For those of us involved with clubs and
undergrad societies on campus though, The
Ubyssey is not a matter of amusement. The
perspectives
near impossibility of getting the student
newspaper to publish student doings has raised more than one temper, and for months
rumors of dire revenge have been passing
along the corridors of second-floor SUB. The
latest plan — cutting off the publication's
grant — started up today and led me to
thinking: what is wrong with The Ubyssey
and what can we do about it?
What is wrong is both what is reported and
how. A newspaper's editorials are supposed
to be biased, but The Ubyssey goes beyond
bias into extremist polemics not to be equalled outside of fringe groups dedicated to the
overthrow of the state. Worse yet, this editorializing inevitably intrudes into the 'hard
news' section of the rag, the one area in
which objectivity is most important.
But the bias that determines what goes into
the paper is worse yet. After all, editorial
bias, even when misplaced or extreme, can be
recognized as such. But for clubs, even to be
slandered is better than The Ubyssey's normal policy of neglect.
The Ubyssey should be commended for
branching out into off-campus news. Students I know from other campuses are generally impressed how far afield our newspaper
does go. But the primary goal of the UBC
student newspaper must be to report on students for students. Reports on protests at Ontario universities are all very good, but they
must not be allowed in future to displace
UBC news, as they have in the past.
Outside of paid advertisements, there are
only two forums for clubs and the like on
campus. The first is 'Tween Classes, and
while this column is certainly helpful, the
microscopic print used certainly isn't going to
attract the attention of anyone who isn't
looking for news of a specific club already.
The second forum is the Letters column. I
don't know how much help this is to other
groups, but here at the debating society it
would be easier to get a novel published. We
submitted hordes of letters last year — only
the mirror image of one was published. If
The Ubyssey does indeed publish 83 per cent
of all letters received (as was claimed in September) then submissions from clubs must
compose almost all of the unfortunate 17 per
cent.
We have been told that it is the form of the
letters we submit that prevents their inclusion
in The Ubyssey — but while my double-
spaced and signed letter about debating
wasn't acceptable, the single-spaced complaint against the AMS, typed on a ripped
cardboard poster and signed with a false
name in Magic Marker was, and was published within the week.
Moreover, there seems to be no hope of actual reporting. The debating society finished
second nationally — no news. We hosted a
debate that was not only popular (750 in attendance) but centred on one of The Ubyssey's pet crusades (Godiva) — no news.
We've phoned, written, and made personal
applications before, after and during events,
but not a word.
This is not discrimination against our society. It seems that each and every club on
campus receives equal neglect.
These complaints are not new. I think it
has been known for a long time that our student newspaper wasn't serving the students.
But what do we do? This year (August '79)
the student administrative council tried to
make The Ubyssey's budget approval conditional on their providing better exposure for
student groups. You can see how much good
that did.
I've heard a lot of people claim The Ubyssey should be forced to publish news of student happenings; some asking for a set number of pages to be set aside for the purpose,
some merely claiming vaguely that they
would be forced to 'print what they should.'
That idea is just plain stupid. The staff of
The Ubyssey has argued in the past (and
rightfully) that a newspaper must operate in
freedom of such compulsion. But beyond the
principle, it just won't work. First, if The
Ubyssey staff is not to decide what is published or what length, who does? The student
council, and while they might be more responsive to clubs, in terms of bias the change
might well be for the worse. Secondly, and
most importantly, if we try to dictate to the
staff of The Ubyssey I suspect there would
quickly be no staff left to give instructions to.
Having worked on student newspapers before, I would be surprised if there are many
staffers that would accept being dictated to
on every article in every issue by some com-
■ mittee or other of the AMS.
Others suggest that if we don't like The
Ubyssey, we should join the staff and change
it. That is like arguing that if you don't like
the government you should have to run for
office. Most people simply don't have the
time.
Or, the latest: deny funds to The Ubyssey.
But surely even what we get now is better
than no newspaper at all, and by denying
funds that's what we would get — no newspaper at all.
So, in the end, all we can do is hope. Hope
that the 1980-1981 staff of The Ubyssey will
realize that their mandate is report on and for
UBC students, that is what they are funded
for; and hope that at the same time AMS will
realize that The Ubyssey is not supposed to
be a house organ to parrot their views and
mirror their concerns; that The Ubyssey was
never meant to be an unofficial student council Hansard.
Counselling hope may not be the most dynamic of solutions to the many problems students perceive of with their newspaper, but it
is the only practical one. If the people concerned, on and off The Ubyssey, will recognize the problem and honestly work to solve
it then the 'finest rag west of Blanca' could
extend its commendation east as well. We
can't all be happy, but can't most of us be
content?
Thursday, April 3, 1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition. Page 23 Letters
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Final Edition, Page 24
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3,1980 Petition intended to crack
men-only ed department
The following letter has been sent
to UBC's chairman of the department of adult education:
Please find enclosed a petition
recommending the hiring of a
woman faculty member to the
department of adult education.
As a result of an informal discussion of a group of mature students
in adult education 412 we recognized a lack of course content concerned about women and subsequently
realized that there were no women
faculty members in the department
of adult education.
The students felt that it was important that the department place
special priority in trying to find and
hire a suitable woman as a first step
to redress this situation. We look
forward to the opportunity to study
and do research with a female faculty member in the near future.
Ellen Woodsworth
Here is a copy of the petition:
1) We the undersigned would like
an explanation as to why there are
no women faculty members in the
department of adult education at
UBC. This is the case even though
over 50 per cent of first year
students are women and even
though over 50 per cent of mature
students are women. It is ten years
since the publication of the royal
commission report on the status of
women in Canada and five years
since International Women's Year.
2) We would like a public statement as to your plans to redress this
situation and to establish parity.
3) We recommend that the next
faculty member hired be a women
who is concerned about women and
education.
If any UBC students would like
to sign this petition, please return
this letter with your name to the
chairman of the department of
adult education, Scarfe building,
UBC. For more copies, call
253-3395 or 585-1994.
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Thursday, April 3,1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition, Page 2f Silly AMS bedtime story
Government
of Canafla
Once upon a time there was a
giant named Art. In the sixties he
was very active, but during the seventies the numbing disco beat laid
waste to his mind and he was dormant much of the time. Fortunately, a new wave washed over his
country, bringing back dear
memories of when music was meaningful and being a giant was fun.
He woke abruptly, failing to entirely clear the cobwebs from his
slumber-ridden head, and stumbled
uncertainly back into the world
where once he wielded enormous
power. His limbs were stiff and
wholly failed to respond at times.
His eyes misled him, still unaccustomed to the light of day, making the poor, well-meaning giant
appear a threat to the democratic
way.
Art's imagination was still as'
vivid and fertile as ever, but he tried
too much, too hard, too soon.
The plans he had made went awry;
he made mistakes due to ignorance
and inexpertise, and his critics said
. that he was Fiscally irresponsible,
was unresponsive to the needs of
the maddeningly silent public, wore
his clothes badly.
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BEING ACCEPTED FOR
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TORONTO
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from:
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and CITY HALL
at: 96 Gerrard
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FACILITIES:
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Season: May 9-
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(416)  977-2320
Actually, all Art was really feeling was a little giddy. The blank
stare he fixed upon his face did not
indicate vacancy. Actually, since he
had started so suddenly, the blood
had not yet left his nether parts to
enrich his mind. Art decided to take
a rest. Luckily, summer was approaching so Art's absence would
not be sorely felt. Next fall, though,
Art knew that he would be more
than ready. His critics would be
aghast at Art's new, fashionable
look, and would be amazed at all
the work he did and how coordinated his body was. Lacking the ability
to react to the situation positively,
the critics would run home under
their shiny rocks and cry.
Meanwhile, Art became very
popular. His support came from
everywhere. It was fun again to be a
giant. And they all lived happily
ever after.
David Jefferys
AUS social coordinator
and bedtime storyteller
arts 3
LOOKING FOR WORK
AFTER GRADUATION?
Come into the Canada Employment Centre at
214 Brock Hall and complete a U.C.P.A. form
to register with us. We'll call you about any
permanent jobs for which you qualify.
WANT SUMMER WORK?
Come in and register by completing a card so
we can call you for summer jobs.
REGISTER NOW!
Have more fun,
meet new friends
Travel VIA
This summer, you can see Canada up close,
in comfort,with VIA Rail Canada. You'll find
train travel gives you room to roam and time to
meet young, friendly people just like you.
And travel is still a great bargain, thanks to our
incentive fares. But, as with all special fares,
some conditions do apply. If you do qualify then
our round-trip excursion fares, for instance, can
cut the cost of your return journey by two-thirds.
And, at VIA, too, it takes only three people
travelling together to qualify for our cost-
cutting Group Fares.
Or, if you're into exploring the country, our
8, 15,22 or 30-day CANRAILPASS gives you
unlimited tram travel through parts of the
country or coast to coast, depending on
where you want to go.
Holidaying or homecoming, travel is more
fun with VIA. So call your Travel Agent or
VIA and share in that fun.
TAKE IT EASY. TAKE THE TRAIN
Final Edition. Page 26
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3, 1980 r fi   .   * ■* "t?*^*^-f*^.
Vanier conditions make Totem Park look good
As you may already know, the
residence renovations planned for
Place Vanier have been cancelled
while the renovations for Totem
Park will be undertaken. The residents of Place Vanier are not in
agreement with this decision by
housing and have asked them to reconsider.
Please find enclosed a copy of
our letter to housing as well as a
copy of a notice distributed by
housing at the beginning of March.
Dear Mr. Davis:
We are aware that sufficient
monies are not currently available
to initiate the renovations program
in Gage, Vanier and Totem residences; funds are adequate to begin
renovations in one residence area
only. We are therefore requesting
that you reconsider your decision
and begin the renovations program
in Place Vanier and not Totem
Park. We would ask your consideration of the following:
a) Place Vanier residence is
much older than Totem Park and is
in need of renovations;
b) the Vanier common block requires upgrading to allow a more
efficient use of space;
c) this is the second year in a row
that Kootenay House has been de-
CUPE sends
its warmest
wishes to TAs
Congratulations TAs! Due to
your perseverence, support, and
hard work, the union certification
vote of last Thursday and Friday
was a success — 387 in favor of the
union, 174 against. To everyone
who did phoning, did visiting, put
up posters, or attended meetings,
and to everyone who came out to
vote: THANK YOU for your support.
steering committee
CUPE 2278
BLACK & LEE
TUX SHOP
NOW AT
1110 Seymour St.
688-2481
W OPTIC
' ZONE
Student Discounts
ARBUTUS VILLAGE
733-1722
UBC
Graduation
Portraits
since 1969
Auuuirayh    S'htiUiu; £tft.
3343 West Broadway
732-7446
Phone now for your Free sitting
THE DINER
Serving U.B.C. and West Point Grey
tor the last 20 years.
We put our Sole in your
FISH & CHIPS
English Style Home Cooked Meals,
at Reasonable Prices.
WE ACCEPTCHARGEX
Open Mon. to Sat.
7:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. \
Closed Sun. & Public Holidays
4556 W. 10th Ave.—224-1912
nied renovations and it is one of the
oldest buildings in the UBC residence system;
d) Totem Park has, as a whole,
36 floors and 36 floor lounges;
Place Vanier has 41 floors and only
16 floor lounges. These are in addition to one main lounge per house
in both residences;
e) the Totem Park house lounges
are larger, well lit, and contain fireplaces; Place Vanier lounges are
smaller and the only fireplace available is in the common block;
0 Totem Park already has music
practice rooms available in house-
pair common areas; Place Vanier
has no music practice rooms;
g) Dene house already has floor
lounges; Kootenay house has no
floor lounges;
h) Kootenay house has only two
washers and two dryers with no
plans for more; Dene-Nootka has
six washers and seven dryers and
plans call for an additional five
washers and five dryers. This would
reduce the number of students per
machine by approximately one-half
and in our opinion is not needed;
i) basement study areas are already in place in both Dene-Nootka
and Kootenay and only need upgrading;
j) there are no plans to upgrade
individual rooms in Dene house
whereas individual rooms in Kootenay do require renovations to bring
utilization of living space up to par
with rooms in Dene.
It has been said that people find
Totem Park a less desirable place to
live than Vanier or Gage and that
changes are necessary to reduce the
vacancy rate in Totem Park. We
would suggest that the present facilities be upgraded, not renovated,
and that you work on changing the
attitude of people toward their residence before major renovations are
undertaken.
We would also like to remind you
of some other advantages which
residents of Totem Park already
have over Place Vanier. These include:
a) better facilities which include
a larger ballroom, readily available
green areas which are suitable for
outdoor sports, and more tennis
courts;
b) parking areas which are
closer, readily available, and substantially less expensive;
c) an average savings in room
and board fees of $30 per year for
what are supposed to be similar services.
We would therefore suggest the
following: renovations be carried
out in Kootenay house and the
Place Vanier common block, not in
Totem Park.
Bill Chang
PVRA president
PACIFICWESrERN
GIVES STUDENTSABREAK
ONTHEIRBREAK
Youths 12 through 21 can save 15%
off the regular fare.
Say good-bye to stand-by.
Pacific Westerns Youth Fare seats
are confirmed.	
Pacific Western flies to more than
50 destinations across Western
Canada.	
Get a break next break call your
travel agent or Pacific Western
Airlines.
PRCIFIC
UlESTERn
AIRLIIM
THE GREAT WEST CONNECTION
CUt/
CANADIAN UNIVERSITIES
TRAVEL SERVICE
Student Union Building,   UBC
224-2344
Thursday, April 3, 1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition, Page 27 S^TP
etters
'? m~*c&:"^
Bible 9s relevance to human sexuality claimed
Who will be honest?
Having read the letters on page 5
of the March 20 issue of The Ubyssey I want to respond with the
following comments about the Bible and the topic of sexuality.
Most of our thinking in today's
society has been conditioned and
determined largely by rationalism,
secular humanism, evolutionary
philosophy and the scientific
method. In relation to the Bible in
particular we have to add theological liberalism. All these factors have
led away from historic orthodox
"■'-■-"'.-.- belief in this century.
/ ...fc other things, our attitude
toward an understanding of the Bible have been impaired by these and
we are the losers.
In other words we have put the
Bible in our own cultural straight-
jacket and have, by our own presuppositions and mind set, imposed
an arbitrary grid over the Biblical
materials. Hence we have difficulty
seeing what it has to say.
I admit that much of what is in
the Bible is culturally relevant, that
is, the Bible is speaking through human authors, in specific historical
and cultural settings and that certain things it says were intended for
specific situations. But to imply
that everything in the Bible falls into this category would be to make a
colossal error, for despite the cultural trappings, the central message
is timeless, the teaching transcends
cultural and historical bounds.
Hence the basic principles themselves — what God says — are normative in all cultures. It is in how
we apply them in our culture that
we must use discretion.
The human authors were limited
by their time and culture, but they
are not the primary authors. The
primary author of the Bible is God
himself, moving individuals to write
certain things at different times.
God did not use the same method in
every case.
The important thing to see is that
God is not limited as were the human authors he chose. He is transcendent. Furthermore God does not
change; also Jesus Christ is the
same "yesterday, today and forever." Since God is translucent and
unchanging, we ought to read the
Bible in that light.
If there is one thing in the Bible
that does not change, that transcends all time and cultures, it is
God's moral law. If the Bible is not
clear on this, it is not clear on anything. We have to get beyond the
cultural forms and see the theological norms.
God is holy; that is, completely
other than his creation. True righteousness and justice are part of his
very nature. This holy God has set
absolute moral standards, of which
the human race has fallen far short.
The moral laws of God in the Bible
show us those standards. These
were evident long before the law
was given through Moses.
They are consistent throughout
the Old Testament and we see the
same standards in the New Testament. Jesus showed that the sin of
mankind does not consist of individual acts but of a principle resident within every person. (Read
Matthew 5:17-48.) He did not
change the OT moral laws; he raised the standard. The NT presupposes — indeed proclaims — the
same moral laws that existed from
the beginning.
Human sexuality in essence is not
part of our "fallen" nature, it was
created in mankind, male and female at the beginning. It was there
before sin entered the world. It is
part of what God created in us for
self expression and for continuing
in partnership with God in the
created order.
Marriage was instituted by God
in the beginning in order to establish the right relationship in which a
major facet of sexuality is to function. The relationship was heterosexual. It is what is called a creation
ordinance, and as such it is not socially or culturally determined. It
has been given by direct act and
command of God.
Modern sexuality, sex stereotypes, sex exploitation, prejudice
and discrimination are but evidences of a deliberate human distortion of God's perfect order and
pattern of relationships. Underlying
all this is the reality that we all want
to be autonomous, self-determining
individuals who submit to no one
else's authority. This is in the very
nature of people themselves but the
fire has been fuelled by liberal and
humanist thinking.
In the context of God's law this is
the essence of sin, our rebellion
against the legitimate authority of
God. Rather than coming to the Bible with an honest, open, inquiring
mind, allowing it to speak to us, we
come with a closed mind, a determination to make the Bible say
what we want. We impose our cultural limitations on God's transcendent word. We protect our vested interest. In so doing we make
God in our own image.
Homosexuality is not, of course,
the only sexual sin. We need to see
clearly that all facets of sexuality
have been prostituted and we need
to take the matter seriously. God
does not force his moral standard
upon us, he simply judges and punishes those who do not obey them.
But in his love he has made it possible to escape that judgment, namely
through repentance and faith in
Jesus Christ. That is what the gospel is all about. What we cannot do,
God has done in Christ, punishing
him in our place. We enter into that
provision by turning from sin and
placing our faith in Christ.
In the context of our relationship
to God, we do not have "fundamental rights," only fundamental
obligations. Are we willing to hear
what they are? Or will we be like
those in a parable Jesus told about
the rich man and Lazarus? (Lk. 16:
19-31.) The rich man, finding him
self in hell, called out to Abraham
across a great divide, imploring him
to send someone back from the
dead to warn his five brothers.
Jesus has Abraham reply, "If they
do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced
even if someone rises from the
dead." (Luke 16:31.)
I challenge you to read the Bible
— the whole Bible — with an open
mind. See for yourself what it says.
But be absolutely honest. Set aside
your pre-determined mind set. I
dare you to say to God, "God, I'm
going to read this Bible. Whatever
you say to me I will do." Are you
honest enough to do that?
Neil J. Bramble
Regent College student
Everybody knows that
Accountants,Architects,
Chiropractors,Dcntists,
Doctors,Engineers,
Law7ers,Optometrists,
Pharmacists and
Vrtcrinarians
make far too much money.
Everybody, that is, except you.
The day you finish your studies is the day
you'll see how expensive it is to set up a
practice, buy equipment and handle your
personal financial needs too.
Without some financial guidance, it can
be a tough row to hoe. That's why we, at the
Royal Bank, wrote a book about the subject:
"Financing Programs for Pre-Practicing
Professionals". It's a realistic look at
your situation, full of good advice and
information on financial services available to help you get started in business,
and keep going.
It even tells you how you can get a line of
credit that you can start to use in your last
year, to get ready for your first big year.
Ask for it at your local Royal Bank
Branch or write to us for it. It's free. How
often can you get professional advice that
doesn't cost you money?
When you succeed.. .we succeed.
ROYAL BANK
Your nearest Royal Bank Branch is at:
10th & SASAMAT
Manager: D. J. Routley.
Senior Loans Officer: Brenda Flack.
Final Edition, Page 28
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3, 1980 Letters
Yankees here can vote in primary
This month postal ballots will be
sent to Americans who reside
abroad (e.g. students, retired people, workers, etc.) who wish to vote
in the Democrats Abroad U.S.
presidential primary. Eight
delegates plus four alternates will be
elected to represent Democrats
Abroad at the Democratic national
convention in New York City. The
convention delegates will select the
candidate (Kennedy, Carter, Brown
or other) who will be the
Democratic party nominee in the
presidential elections.
There are 2 million Americans
who live abroad. As there may be
many Americans who read your
newspaper, I am enclosing a
photocopy of the registration form
for Democrats Abroad (there is no
charge to join) which you may wish
to publish in the newspaper as a service to your American readers.
This is the first presidential
primary for Americans abroad. If
the "cut-out" registration form is
received by Democrats Abroad by
the end of March or early April,
postal ballots will be sent to the
signatories in mid-April.
If you are an American citizen
over 18 years of age, who lives outside the United States and have not
already voted in a State primary,
you may participate in the first
presidential primary outside the
United States. Such a reader should
fill in the "cut-out" registration
form and return it as soon as possible.
Thomas Conlon
Kennedy for president
committee (UK)
LSAT
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• 200 page copyrighted
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Why not give us a call and
find out how you can really
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National Testing Centre, Inc.
4609 West 10th Avenue,
Vancouver, B.C. V6R 2J3
(604) 689-9000 or
call us toll free at
(800) 663-3381
Name
Address
FELLOW AMERICANS
If you are a U.S. citizen of voting
age living abroad you can
participate in the American electoral
process by registering with
Democrats Abroad. By doing so you
will receive a ballot for delegates to
the 1980 Democratic National
Convention and become a member
of Democrats Abroad. You will
receive information and be able to
participate in Democratic party
activities. Join now.
DEMOCRATS ABROAD
HELP OTHERS REGISTER
SEND FOR MORE OF THESE CARDS
Telephone Nos:
Day	
Evening
Last Residence in US
Congressional District (or
Congressman) (if knownl
I am a U.S. Citizen of voting age,
resident abroad.
I am a Democrat
Signature
LA FEDERATION DES FRANCO-COLOMBIENS
offre ses Meilleurs Voeux de succes aux organisateurs du
FESTIVAL FRANCOPHONE
#104-853 Richards, Vancouver, C.B. Tel: 669-5264
L« ( KOQUtt  BoaQfJins
(Librairie participante au Salon du LivTe)
795 West 16th Avenue Lundi
Vancouver, B.C., V5Z-1S8 au Vendredi: 9:00 ■
Tel. (604) 874-9105 Samedi: 10:00
5:00
50O
PCSTlVflL
FRRDCOPI)
9) 9
&2Z pcsn vac 2F&
April 21 Avril, 8:00p.m. - 20M10 Folklnhstfs
PHILIPPE BRUNEAU & DOROTHY HOGAN
Vancouver Mast C~ulfiir.il Centre, S5.00   "S3.00
April 22 Avril. 8:30p in  - 20h30
DANIEL LAVOIE      ('hfiri.soiiiiicr - .Singer
Theatre Metro, $5.00   " 53.00
April 23 Avril. 8:30p.m. - 20H30
PAULINE JULIEN Interpretc Quebecoise - Singer
Theatre Orpheum. S5.00 ■ S6.00 • S7.00
April 21 Avril, 8:30p in. - 20li30 Poetrv - Theatre
MICHEL FORGUES I'oesie <n.»ii i/e NW/i.(<in
IllealreMetro, S5.00   'S3.00
April 25 Avril. 8:30p.m  - 20h30 Groupe
LE REVE DU DIABLE Musical lolkloriquc
Theatre Metro, $5.00   'S3.00
April 26 Avril, 8:30p.m. • 20h30
LESCORNOUUXERS& LES BLES DOR
Theatre Metro. $5.00   * $3.00
Dans*'
ti}tklorique
Certains de < es artistes seront presents <\\t
SALON DU LIVRE
du 22 au 27 avril 1980   Tons les joins 9hOO - IHhOO    9a.m. - 6p.m. Daily
MARCHE GRANVILLE ISLAND MARKET    1685 Johnston. Granville Island
Auleurs invites:  Miehel Tremblav, Iraiu ine l.oraiujer et Claude l.aforlune
Information:   874-9105
OFFRE EXCEPTIONNELLE-
Spectacles, prix regulier
Slums, regular price
Spectacles, prix regulier
Shows, regular price
00
00
SPECIAL
00
SPECIAL
20.°/* 12
| O   00   /        * $  O   00
BILLETS:       '['tudiants. Age d'Or, Memhresdu Centr"        TICKETS:       'Students, O.A.F., Centre Culturcl
Culturel Colomhien. Vendus a tons les < omptoirs du Colombien Members.    Sold at all Vancouver Ticket
Vancouver Ticket Centre 087-4444. Centres 687-4444.
Une production du Centre Culturel Colombien. Information: 874-9105.
LA PROVINCE... LA NATION... 4#*%^fc
LE MONDE ...   a votre portee (4CG.W
par les services francais de la Societe'        1%%##F
RADIO-CANADA
700 Hamilton, Vancouver
RADIO
CBUF-FM
TELEVISION
CBUFT
Thursday, April 3, 1980
THE    UBYSSEY
Final Edition, Page 29 'Tween classes
TODAY
UBC SUBCOMMITTEE AGAINST W5
Informational session on Campus Giveaway program and W5 "apology," 1:30 p.m. in SUB party
room, 4:30 and 7 p.m., SUB 205.
CHINESE STUDENTS' ASSOCIATION
Position of business manager is still open. Applications welcome noon to 1:30 p.m., SUB 235
until April 25.
AMS ART GALLERY
General meeting, noon, SUB 230.
EAST INDIAN STUDENTS' ASSOCIATION
General meeting, noon, SUB 212.
ART EDUCATION
Student print show and sale, until Friday, SUB
AMS gallery.
GAY PEOPLE OF UBC
Luncheon, 11:30 a.m., Cecil Green.
THURSDAY
AMS ART GALLERY
General meeting, noon, SUB 230.
FRIDAY
GAY PEOPLE OF UBC
End of year dance, 9:30 p.m., Grad Centre ballroom.
SATURDAY
UBC CRICKET TEAM
Practices begin at Wolfson cricket pitch behind
John Owen pavilion. Any cricket players interested in joining the club are welcome. Season
begins April 26 until September. For more information, call Peter MacDonald at 261-7564.
<,4/m, ,„
Hot flashes
Nothing makes you more
nostalgic for good old Britannia
than the sound of cricket balls
cracking against wooden bats.
Now's your chance to take you
bats out of your respective
belfry and limber up your throwing arm; it's cricket season at
UBC.
The   team   practices   begin
April 12 at Wolfson cricket pitch
behind the John Owen pavilion.
For exact times, call Peter MacDonald at 261-7554. The season
runs April 26 to September.
What can you say in two lines
but this is the last, the very last
hot flash for this year. Have a
Cuervo special summer (with
lemons).
Gay People of UBC
INVITE YOU TO A
SPRING (end of the academic year)
DANCE
Friday, April 11, 1980
9:30 p.m.~l:00 a. m.
UBC   Graduate
Students' Centre Ballroom
EVERYONE WELCOME
r
■     The
■1
tors    ■
The CHALLENGE of Teaching
The ADVENTURE of the Outdoors
The FULFILLMENT of Commitment
We are looking for people of vision and strength who
feel they have something to offer young people. Our
three residential schools offer boys a highly structured
traditional education, coupled with an exicting and
demanding outdoor program of canoeing and snow-
shoeing We need people of commitment who believe
that young people should be challenged mentally,
physically and spiritually People who are willing to
live work and learn within the framework of a self
supporting Christian community.
Write:
The Minister
ST  JOHN'S CATHEDRAL BOYS SCHOOL
■   R.R.2
L.
Manitoba R1A2A7
A
NOTICE TO ALL CONCERNED:
From: Victor Yoshida, Treasurer
Commerce Undergraduate Society
Let it be known that on WEDNESDAY, MARCH
26, 1980, a Fee Referendum was held in the Commerce Undergraduate Society Consitiuency and
the result of the referendum was:
No. of Votes
YES 264
NO 52
TOTAL 316
Therefore, the Commerce Undergraduate Society
hereby announces that a $2.00 per student per year
fee be established according to By-Law 14(8) of
the A.M.S. Constitution.
Any inquiries
can be made at
Henry Angus 302C
Signed
VICTOR YOSHIDA
C.U.S. Treasurer
THE CLASSIFIEDS
-RATES: Student - 3 lines, 1 day $1.50; additional lines 35c
Commercial — 3 lines, 1 day $3.00; additional lines 50c. Additional days $2.75 and 46c.
Classified ads are not accepted by telephone and are payable in advance.
Deadline is 11:30 a m., the day before publication.
Publications Office, Room 241, S.U.B., UBC, Van., B.C V6T 1W5.
5 — Coming Events
10 — For Sale — Commercial
FRIENDS RECORDS. New, used, rare,
trades, also concert tickets, at 319 E.
Broadway, Vancouver. 879-3411.
COMMUNITY Sports Student Specials.
Black Tusk Sleeping Bags, $18.50; Bauer
Supremes, $99.50; Down or Dacron
Jackets, $49.50; Nike LDV Joggers, $39.95;
World Class Tennis Racquets $24.95;
Kangaroo tops, 8 pairs tube sox. Back
packer stoves, $14.95; hockey jerseys, tennis shorts, $9.95; Sherwood H12ROK
hockey sticks, $4.95; and much more at
3615 West Broadway, 733-1612. Open Sundays.
GESCO'S  FOR THE  BEST in Caribbean,
Soca and Reggae music. 1243 Kingsway.
879-7332.
11 — For Sale — Private
73 TOYOTA CORONA MK II 73,000 miles,
4 spd. P.S., S. Wagon, Sunroof, white.
$1650. 731-6957.
15 — Found
20 — Housing
THE
ROOMATE
REGISTRY.
Looking   for   a
roomate?
CALL US AT 669-7189.
STEREO AND RECORDS
ARE YOURS
If I can get a room in your co-op house or apt.
Returning to UBC in Sept and am used to nice
abode Will shell out good bucks or brls. of refined Alta. crude  Write to:
Randy,
16006-77 Ave ,
Edmonton, Alta.
TSR 3BS
MOVING THIS SUMMER? Quiet, nonsmoking female student seeks one or two
bedroom apt. in West side. No basements.
Now or pref. for Sept. 946-4842 or 922-8344
for message.
WANTED: Two-bedroom apartment or
house section. Kits area for May 1. Phone
after 6 p.m. 273-5939.
HELPI Wanted for May 1, one bedroom
apartment suite within 15 mins of UBC.
Married couple, both Grad. Students.
224-2171.
APARTMENT to sublet May and June.
$225 month furnished bach. 2nd and Arbutus, two blocks from Kits Beach.
734-0145.
ARE YOU TIRED of commuting to campus
every day? Tired of trying to study at home?
Especially when exams are coming?? Why
not stay on the campus from now until exams are over! Rooms are available in
U.B.C.'s single student residences until
April 30. Apply at the Student Housing Office, Ponderosa, 8:15 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.,
Monday to Friday. Phone 228-2811
8:30-4:30 for further details.
TO SUBLET $450.00 deluxe 2 bdrm., 2 bathroom furnished apt. in Toronto available
May 15-Aug. 31. 263-3606.
BEDROOM AND BASEMENT suite, 11th
and Tolmie, May-Sept. $115 plus util. Call
Steve. 228-1669.
$25 REWARD for your help. Quiet married
couple seek peaceful suite with reasonable
rent. We're good reliable tenant. May 1st or
after. Phone 876-0255.
25 — Instruction
LEARN TO RELAX and calm your body,
mind and soul. Through proper breathing,
excercise, relaxation, diet, and meditation.
Your entire well-being will improve. For
Hatha Yoga courses and classes please
contact the Sivananda Yoga Centre, 3045
Main St., Vancouver, B.C. 872-1913.
30 — Jobs
PUBLIC RELATIONS-EARN EXTRA
MONEY. You can earn up to $1000 per
month. No selling involved 681-5944 between 6 pm - 9 pm. '
RESEARCH ASSISTANTS, child language
and reading studies. Prefer candidate with
car. 20-40 hrs./week for 4-10 weeks, april
15-June 30 (TBA with candidates).
$5.75/hour Undergraduates. $6.70/hour
Graduate Students plus $.22/mile to
schools. Please send resume to Dr. Marshall Arlin, Faculty of Education, U.B.C.
PHOTOGRAPHERS with a professional and
creative outlook for freelance assignments.
228-3313.
TOUR OPERATOR has two positions available. Office Clerk, with typing. Boat Attendant, good public relations and ability to
speak Japanese an asset. Phone 689-2424.
MEDICAL RECEPTIONIST required by Vancouver physician, summer of full time position. Resume: 1400-750 West Broadway,
Vancouver, B.C. V5Z 1J4. 873-4142.
35 - Lost
REWARD. Pearl necklace and ruby ring
lost somewhere between the Aquatic Centre and Woodward library. Phone 254-1284.
LADIES' GOLD SEIKO WATCH. Reward
Please call Kim 263-4847.
GOLD SEIKO WATCH engraved. Mar. 31
Between main library and bus stop. Sentimental value. Janet 228-3651 or 733-9734.
PLEASE HELP ME find filigree cameo
brooch lost Feb. 22/80 between B Lot and
Angus. Sentimental value. No Questions.
434-3334, 526-7326.
40 — Messages
COLIN - "To whom I owe the leaping delight
That quickens my senses in our waking time
And the rhythm that governs the repose of
our sleeping time. The breathing in
unison." My gratitude for two months of
sharing. - An Angel
PUDDLE JUMPER, I hope you make a great
big splash.
50 - Rentals
65 — Scandals
St. Clair is human.
The Department Bovine
The university lay hid in night
Floyd said, "Let dinners Be!"
and all was light.
A little authority (a dangerous thing)
Turned off the switch, drained the
Pierian Spring.
T. Cratchet
TO MY GREEN-EYED PUSSYCAT: I may
not be purrfect but I love you. Hugs and
kisses from your blue-eyed tiger.
ATTENTION ELKE B. Wishing you the
happiest birthday ever.
70 — Services
TYPEWRITER REPAIRS, Low Rates,
25 yrs. exp., free est., pick-up it del. on
campus. Len, 684-5536.
INCOME TAX: Expert Assistance. $8.00 per
basic return. Days/Eves. 731-0241. Mara
Cummins.
scientific
cphotoq
rapkers
Micro/Macro
Technical Work (done)
Reasonable Rates
Phone 224-0370
80 — Tutoring
85 — Typing
EXPERT TYPIST. Essays, term papers, $.75
per page. Theses $1.00 per page. Phone
Rose 266-7710.
TYPING 80c per page. Fast and accurate.
Experienced typist. Phone Gordon
873-8032.
TYPING. Essays, theses, manuscripts,
including technical, equational, reports, letters, resumes. Fast accurate. Bilingual.
Clemy 266-6641.
YEAR ROUND expert essay and theses
typing from legible work. Phone 738-6829
from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m.
FAST EFFICIENT TYPING. Reasonable
rates. 266-5053.
EXPERIENCED Public Stenographer.
Judith Filtness, 5670 Yew St. 9 to 5,
266-6814, Type anything.
TYPING SERVICE FOR THESES, correspondence, etc. Any field French also
available. IBM Selectric. Call 736-4042.
90 - Wanted
ARTICULATE,
IMAGINATIVE?
Own a Recorder?
Earn $ 15/25 per hour making
Cassette tapes for us.
NU-WEST
Pob632
San Marcos, CA 92069
HOUSING EXCHANGE wanted by University of Waterloo Prof, and family. 3-4
bedroom home near UBC in exchange for
same near University of Waterloo and
WLU. For one year beginning August,
1980. Write to Ray Vickson, 529 Twin Oaks
Cr., Waterloo, Ont. N2L 4R9.
TWO ATTENDANTS for one week in May
to drive to Calgary and back and care for my
daughter who is a bright, outgoing
quadraplegic, and who is planning a short
holiday with relatives in Calgary. Salary and
expenses paid. 531-5196.
99 — Miscellaneous
LEAVING TOWN SOON? Do you need a
worthwhile cause to donate your unwanted
household items to? Why not give them to
the "Student Only Sale" to be held at the
West Point Grey Baptist Church? Items will
be sold at nominal prices only to students.
Any profits will be funnelled back into student activities. Sale to be held in
September. For free pickup call Dave
Johnson, 266-0465, or Doug Johnston,
732-8328. Thank you.
FREE TO GOOD HOME 3% year cross Lab
Doberman, friendly, 261-0914.
2 "WHO" TICKETS available. 327-5517
After 6 p.m.
If you'd like to jump aboard tha good ship Ubyssey
next year, do your best to come up with a class-free
afternoon on either Monday, Wednesday or Thursday.
Or drop out and have them all free. Or whatever.
Thank you.
Final Edition, Page 30
THE    UBYSSEY
Thursday, April 3,1980 Hotel Gage proposal snuffs it
By GLEN SANFORD
Residents of the Walter Gage
low-rise have won a long and bitter
struggle to keep their homes.
UBC housing director Mike
Davis told the Gage low-rise committee yesterday his plans for converting the low-rise into a hotel
have been scrapped, at least for the
time being.
"Applications for the low-rise
are up over last year. Also the
vacancy rate in Vancouver is very
low and there will be no easing of
the (housing) market by the city of
Vancouver that will profit students.
Therefore the Gage low-rise will not
become a hotel next year," Davis
said.
But Simon Ellis, spokesperson
for the committee, said the announcement should have been
made a lot sooner, and that
students should not have been forced to devote so much time to defending their homes.
"It was a waste of our time in
that it took just too damn long to
be stopped. But you have to realize
that this is our residence, our home.
We had no choice but to do this
work (battling the hotel concept)."
Ellis said he strongly suspected
the change of plans took place
because Davis "got his hands slapped."
"More than likely it was pressure
from above," he said.
Another member of the low-rise
committee, Nan Ferguson, also said
that administrative pressure may
have been brought upon Davis.
"He's known about the housing
shortage since January. He's
known there's been protest against
the hotel. The situation hasn't
changed at all from our point of
view. Anyone who wants to put two
and two together would assume
there was outside influence in his
decision," she said.
But Davis denied that any
pressure was brought upon him.
"As far as I know, the administration approved of the plan,"
he said.
Davis said he does not consider
the infeasibility of the scheme to be
a serious setback to the housing
department.
"It only affects the renovation
plans for improving the residences.
There'll be $40,000 less for renovations," he said.
Davis added that he intends to reintroduce his hotel plan when more
housing is available. He said it's impossible to speculate how many
years it will lake for the situation to
improve.
ff]S Admin waits for
**j  TAs' opening bid
The UBC administration, having
received formal notice of the unionization of teaching assistants Wednesday, is now forced into the waiting game the TAs have had to bear
for so long.
"The first step is for the union to
submit a request (to the university)
for the first meeting," UBC employee relations director Robert
Grant said Wednesday.
"We've had no word from the
union when that meeting will be,"
he said. "We only received the formal notice (of unionization) this
morning."
Grant said he has not talked to
union representatives since the certification vote March 20-21, but added he expects arrangements for the
first meeting to be promptly scheduled.
Grant said that although he expects "a reasonable dialogue" on
the contract, the negotiations could
be difficult. 'Coming to the first
agreement is always more difficult
because everything is on the table,"
he said.
UBC TAs received certification
from the B.C. labor relations board
last week after a one and a half
week wait.
The results of the certification
vote were released last week. Of
1,167 eligible voters, 562 cast ballots (48 per cent) with 387 voting in
favor of the union, 174 opposed
and one spoiled ballot. The yes vote
represented 69 per cent of the ballots cast.
TAs at Simon Fraser University
and Toronto's York University also
received certification last year.
GVRD park plan
awaits approval
—geof wheelwright photo
AFGHANISTAN .NND LEBANON are in political turmoil and young Vancouver hashish dealers take precautions
to ensure high price is> paid for valuable commodity. Local university filled with affluent bored middle class students
who can afford outrageous prices provides excellent sales potential. Schoolgirls were recruited and issued with
uniforms as marketing studies showed UBC students best relate to right-wing salespeople.
A proposed 1,500 acre official
natural park in the university endowment lands now only needs a
provincial government seal of approval to become a reality.
The Greater Vancouver Regional
District will present its proposal for
the natural park near UBC in a
report to housing minister James
Chabot in two weeks. District park
planner Rick Hankin said he is sure
the government will approve the
plan soon.
"It's an important matter that we
hope the government will approve
'Buddy system' can't make friends
UBC's "buddy system" is having
trouble making friends.
The system's sign-up board in
Sedgewick library, designed to help
protect campus women from assault, is facing the same difficulties
from UBC women as a new kid in
town — distant hostility, looks of
misunderstanding, unfamiliarity
and hesitance. Despite a suggestion
box, explanatory booklet and
women students' participation on
its first day last Thursday, the escort system is not catching on as
quickly as hoped, Andy Chan, who
helped set up the system, said Wednesday.
Chan said some students are acting immature and irresponsible towards the system, treating it as a
joke and writing graffiti over the
board's printed directions. He added he is disappointed in the campus
reaction.
But Bill Berzins, who helped
Chan design the system, said he is
optimistic the system will have positive results.
"I think awareness of the problem (of assault) has increased," he
said Wednesday. "We're not trying
to solve the problem with this one
thing, but it's a major contribution.
"The whole idea of the system is
to group everyone up. It's a safety
in numbers thing." He said librarians have been very cooperative
about the system and ensure sign-up
sheets are changed when they are
filled with names.
Lynda Erickson, a member of coalition for a safe campus, said she
hopes the buddy system does not
cause women to believe the UBC
campus is automatically safe and
free from assault.
The buddy system involves
grouping women students with
similar destinations by using a
schedule of destinations, with signup lists, in Sedgewick, Main, Law
and Woodward libraries.
CHAN AND BERZINS . . . buddying up
Thursday, April 3,1980
TH
soon. Everybody would like to have
some clear-cut decisions made," he
said.
Hankin said he expects the
GVRD will be able to open the new
park by the end of this year, and added the regional district plans to
begin preliminary work on the park
this summer in cooperation with the
UEL park committee.
The work would consist of trail
repair and maintenance within the
park, as well as some possible on-
site engineering work in the fall.
Hankin said the regional district has
budgeted enough funding to conduct park maintenance work for six
months, by which time the district
hopes to have commitments of funding and support from the province.
He said the time spent waiting for
government approval will not be
wasted. "It's not lost time. The
preparation that could be done this
fall is to get the detailed and
engineering work done."
If approved, the park proposal
will give the regional district control
over the UEL and will provide improved park management facilities,
better trails, improved policing of
the area, and possibly more picnic
and camping areas.
Hankin said although he is optimistic the government will approve the plan, he has no
assurances of when that approval
will come. "I have no idea how
quickly they (the government) will
move."
Final Edition. Page 31 0^6 sound
556 SEYMOUR ST. DOWNTOWN
Final Edition, Page 32
TH
Open until 9 Thursday and Friday       687-5837
Thursday, April 3, 1980

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