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The Ubyssey Oct 24, 2011

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What's on
This week, may we suggest..
Just do your homework or something
Really? You expect constant sensory stimulation every night of the damn
week? You're in university, and if you think you're going to do well by going out every night, wait til you see what you got on that poli sci midterm.
Yeah, think again. Go home, eat a salad and crack open a damn book.
TUE
bars:
Karaoke: 8pm @ The Gallery
Lounge
Cause I'm just a teenage dirtbag,
baby/ Yeah I'm just a teenage dirt-
bag, baby/ Listen to Iron Maiden,
baby, with me/ Ooohohoh.
ARTS»
AUS Foam Party: 9pm @ Forum
Sports Bar
Do something super sleazy with
that sad guy or gal in the peacoat
you always see trudging around
Buchanan D. Entry is $20. and
Jagermeister is sponsoring. This
seems very out of character-but
good job. AUS.
Zedd+Felguk: 8pm @ the Pit
Some dudes at the Pit. Weren't
Zedd and Felguk the names of
those aliens on The Simpsons?
The Halloween shows were usually pretty funny, like when they
spoofed The Shining. Course that
was in like 1998 or something-
years before the show's well-
documented decline in quality.
God. it really sucks nowadays. It's
just sad.
Critical Mass: 5:30pm @ the
VAG
Reclaim the streets in time for
Halloween! Ride with a pack of
cyclists through the streets of
downtown as part of the monthly
Vancouver Critical Mass ride. For
the October edition, costumes
for you and your bike are highly
encouraged.
Got an event you'd like to see on this page? Send your event
and your best pitch to printeditor@ubyssey.ca.
THEUBYSSEY
October24,2011, Volume XXXIII, Issue XI
EDITORIAL
Coordinating Editor
Justin McElroy
coordinating@u bysseyca
Managing Editor, Print
Jonny Wakefield
orinteditor@ubys:eyca
Managing Editor, Web
Arshy Mann
webeditor@ubysseyca
News Editors
Kalyeena Makortoff
& Micki Cowan
news@u bysseyca
Art Director
Geoff Lister
a rt@u bysseyca
Culture Editor   4
Ginny Monaco
culture@u bysseyca
Senior Culture Writers
Taylor Loren &
Will Johnson   1
tloren@ubysseyca
wjohnson@u bysseyca
Sports Editor
Drake Fenton
sports@u bysseyca
Features Editor
Brian Piatt
featu res@u bysseyca
Copy Editor
Karina Palmitesta
copy@ubysseyca
Video Editor
David Marino
video@ubysseyca
Senior Web Writer
Andrew Bates
abates@ubysseyca
Graphics Assistant
Indiana Joel
ijoel@u bysseyca
Webmaster
Jeff Blake
webmaster@u bysseyca
BUSINESS
Business Manager
Fernie Pereira
business@ubysseyca
Ad Sales
Ben Chen
advertising@ubysseyca
STAFF
Andrew Hood, Bryce Warnes,
Catherine Guan, David Elop,
Jon Chiang Josh Curran, Will
McDonald, Tara Martellaro,
Virginie Menard,Scott
MacDonald, Anna Zoria,
Deter Wojnar, Tanner Bokor,
Dominic Lai, Mark-Andre
Gessaroli, Natalya Kautz, Kai
Jacobson
CONTACT
Business Office: Room 23 Print Advertising:
Editorial Office: Room 24 604.822.1654
Student Union Building
6138 Student Union Blvd
Vancouver, BCV6T1Z1
tel: 604.822.2301
web: www.ubyssey.ca
feedback@ubyssey.ca
Business Office:
604.822.6681
advertising@ubys-
sey.ca
LEGAL
The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper ofthe University of
British Columbia. It is published every Monday and Thursday by The
Jbyssey Publications Society. We
are an autonomous democratically
"un student organization, and all students are encouraged to participate.
Editorials are chcsen and written
oy the Ubyssey staff. They are the
expressed opinion of the staff, and
do not necessarily reflect the views
of The Ubyssey Publications Society
or the University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing
n The Ubyssey is the property of
The Ubyssey Publications Society.
Stories opinions, photographs and
artwork contained herein cannot be
reproduced without the expressed,
written permission of The Ubyssey
Publications Society.
The Ubyssey is afounding member of Canadian University Press
(CUP) and adheres to CUPs guiding principles.
Letters to the editor must be under 300 wc :   :,,t:-:t - dudeyour
phone number, student number anc
signature (nctfor publication) as wel
asyouryear and faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked wher
submissions are dropped off at the
editorial office of The Ubyssey. otherwise verification will be done by
phone. The Ubyssey reserves the
right to edit submissions for length
and clarity. All letters must be received by 12 noon the day before
intended publication. Letters received after this point will be published in the following issue unless
there is an urgent time restriction
or other matter deemed relevant
bythe Ubyssey staff.
It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertisinc
that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to publish an advertisement
or if an error in the ad occurs the liability of the I IPS will not be greater
than the prOe paid for the ad. The
UPS shall not be responsible for
slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or
the impact of the ad
Our Campus
One on one with
the people who
make UBC
>3
GEOFF LISTEmHE UBYSSEY
To be fair, Lindsey Richardson has a pretty bland name when compared to former UN Secretary Generals, like Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
UBC's Ban-Ki Moon
CheneilHale
Contributor
For many a listless undergrad,
Lindsey Richardson's convictions
are enviable. "I know what I want
to do now, which is exciting. Not
a lot of people are that privileged
to know what they want to do,"
said Richardson, the new secretary general for the UBC Model
United Nations (MUN).
What is it that she wants to do?
Help people, and bring to light
current issues. And as secretary
general of MUN, Richardson is in
a better position than most to do
just that.
Richardson started at MUN as
a volunteer on a whim.
"I saw a poster [for MUN] in
the basement of 1KB and said,
'Oh! That's something I'm really
interested in.'"
She slid in just under the wire.
It was the last day for volunteer
applications to go in. She started
out as a page running from delegate to delegate, and since then
has been a delegate herself at
numerous conferences around
Canada and the United States.
Beyond the conferences
and debates, MUN is where
Robertson found her niche at
university.
"It's really fun, you have your
own little MUN friends; it's like a
culture within itself."
In her spare time, Lindsey
manages to balance her duties
as the secretary general—which
include holding office hours
and running student-directed
seminars—with planning a volunteer trip to Tanzania. It's not her
first time volunteering in impoverished regions.
"Two summers ago I managed
an orphanage for four months,
and then this last summer I
started working for Volunteer
Abroad: Base Camp Centres
International," she said.
"The plan for this summer
is to go back for three weeks to
host my own group, and do some
humanitarian work, probably
construction."
Oh, and she still takes time out
to watch Zooey Deschanel in The
New Girl.
"It's really dorky, and doesn't
take a lot of thinking to watch it,
so I appreciate it," she said with a
laugh. 13
Write
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Code
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Ubyssey
wants
you!
COME BY THE UBYSSEY OFFICE
SUB 24, FOLLOW THE SIGNS
DON'T MISS THIS YEAR'S
•BREAKOUT PERFORMANCE'
ELIZABETH OLSEN
GIVES AN ELECTRIFYING.
STAR-IS-BORN
■ERFORMANCE."   m'»_____
DO YOU
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/NEW YORK %      ^SUNOANCEj      £ TORONTO^      £ C A N N E sj
MarthaMarcyMayMarleneMovie.com
hUBJECT TO CLASSIFICATION	
KNOCK ON RM 23 IN
THE SUB FOR TICKETS
TO SEE MARTHA MARCY
MAY MARLENE.
WHILE SUPPLIES LAST.
THEATRE! News»
Editors: Kalyeena Makortoff & Micki Cowan
10.24.20111 3
RESEARCH »
UBC researchers attempt to save dwindling honey bee population
Laura Greenstreet
Contributor
It's autumn, and Vancouverites
are reapingthe benefits ofthe
Okanagan's harvest. Yet what they
may not realize is that it's thanks
to the honey bees that commercial
crops from apples to zucchinis make
it to your table—and those bees are in
danger.
But luck is with the bees. Two
million dollars of a $25 million funding grant from the BC government
to Genome BC has been allocated
to research honey bees. Genome
BC is a research organization with
projects in many areas, including
agriculture, human health, fisheries and forestry. They're goingto be
working on solving the bee problem.
"This funding will allow us to
take the crucial foundational work
that has been done and translate it
into real-life applications for BC in
the years ahead," said Genome BC's
Alan Winter.
Leonard Foster, a professor in
UBC's department of biochemistry
and molecular biology, works at a lab
funded by Genome BC. They locate
regions ofthe bee genome correlated
with desirable traits, which breeders can use to develop into heartier
stock.
Foster described the factors dam-
agingbee populations. "Twenty or so
per cent ofthe bees being lost are lost
to one of three things: The first is the
Verroa mite, the second a fungus and
the third reason is environmental
causes. By far the biggest problem is
the Verroa mite," he said.
The problem has been exacerbated as apiaries are seeing increased
resistance to chemicals used
against the mites.
Since 2006, apiaries across North
America have seen a startling rise
in the number of colony die-offs,
with around a third of colonies
perishing each winter. BC's colonies are no exception to the trend.
Accordingto a 2010 Globe and Mail
article, in the winter of 2009 alone,
the southern region of Vancouver
Island suffered the death of 90 per
cent of its colonies.
This decline in bee colonies
across BC has led to the increased
investment in research into heartier strains—Foster's lab is partnered
with an agricultural economics
group whose objective is to evaluate whether the selected bees provide an advantage to beekeepers.
Allen Garr, beekeeper at the UBC
Farm, described the situation: "You
have to be a pharmacist right now
to be a beekeeper." tH
RESOURCE GROUPS »
Resource groups accounts unfrozen
Kalyeena Makortoff
News Editor
Nearly a month after the resource
groups' accounts were frozen after
failing to submit a budget on time,
AMS Council has released their
funding.
On October 19, Council released
$57,030 from the AMS budget to the
resource groups, an umbrella of student groups established bythe AMS
for the purpose of researching, raising awareness and advocating for
social issues of concern to students.
The resource groups currently
consist of Pride UBC, Allies at
UBC, the Social Justice Centre,
the Womyn's Centre, the Student
Environment Centre and Colour
Connected Against Racism.
AMS VP Finance Elin Tayyar
explained that it was verbally
agreed upon with the former resource groups coordinator, Andrea
MacDonald, that the budget would
be submitted later than usual.
MacDonald had been in charge
of communicating with the AMS
and Tayyar since July. But after
her resignation on September 22,
Tayyar said he had to make a quick
decision.
"I had no one left to deal with.
So I froze the resource groups accounts," said Tayyar. "Itwas done to
encourage the resource groups to get
together more quickly and resolve
the budget issue."
But resource groups members
said they were under the impression that they still had an extension
on the budget deadline, as this was
their first year having to account for
students opting out of their $1.50
student fee. The opt-out option came
into place when the April 2011 referendum passed.
News briefs
Study: Women play key role in
managing male depression
A study by UBC researchers, led by
UBC Professor John Oliffe. has identified how women play a key role in
helping their male partners manage their depression in heterosexual
relationships.
The study, published in Social
Science & Medicine, details how heterosexual couples' gender roles shift
and strain when the male partner is
depressed and the female partner attempts to help.
"Our findings suggest that gender
relations are pivotal in how health decisions are made in families, and for that
reason, it's important to understand
couple dynamics if we want to have
effective interventions." said Oliffe.
The resource groups offices are located on the top floor of the SUB
GEOFF LISTER/THE UBYSSEY
"We had our budgets ready in
July and we just needed a little extra
time to control for the opt-outs, and
we asked them if we could have that
time and they said we could," explained Arielle Friedman, treasurer
for the Social Justice Centre.
Despite confusion at Council,
Tayyar said the process of unfreezing the accounts was a straightforward vote. "I told everyone I was
only freezing it until the budget
passed Council."
However, resource groups members are frustrated with the way the
freezing was handled and how long
it took to get funds released.
Pride Co-Chair Abby Feresten
said that throughout October, the
resource groups were still holding
UBC develops new skin cancer
detection technology
UBC and the BC Cancer Agency
have recently developed a new noninvasive technology to detect skin
cancer.
The new device analyzes the
biochemical composition of the skin
to detect the presence of cancerous cells in less than two seconds,
said the co-inventor of the device.
Haishan Zeng.
Although the device does not
deliver results as definitive as a
biopsy, it will speed up the process
of diagnosis.
"Its biggest advantage is that it is
non-invasive and can help genera
practitioners make decisions guickly. Speed is the key." said Zeng.
events and many executive members
had to cover expenses out of their
own pockets.
The AMS is currently reviewing
budget procedures for the resource
groups, which Tayyar said should
make things more clear.
As to whether the resignation of
their coordinator affected the timeliness of their budget, Feresten said
it wouldn't have made a difference.
"If she had still been there we would
have taken the exact amount of time
to work out those minor details."
The resource groups have not yet
decided whether they will be hiring
a new coordinator, or going back to
the old system of a rotating coordinator that works on a volunteer
basis. Friedman said that if they plan
AMS SASC resumes service
The AMS Sexual Assault Support
Centre (SASC). which was hobbled
by staff shortages at the beginning
of the school year, will resume its
full level of service today.
Two long time employees left the
centre at the beginning of the summer. The AMS failed to rehire for the
positions in the interim, leaving the
centre unable to provide support
and accompaniment services to survivors of sexual violence. The AMS
fast-tracked the hiring process after
the resulting community outcry.
"It's great to be back on track."
said SASC program coordinator
Emily Yakashiro in an email. The
centre is open from 9 to 5. Monday
to Friday.
to hire for the position, it will be
made public.
Tayyar said a hired and permanent coordinator for the year would
do the resource groups some good.
"We definitely need a different
system, in my opinion. I think the
resource groups are happy with it,
[but] I'm not necessarily happy with
the current model of governance
that they are using.
"I did suggest to the Legislative
Procedures Committee to have at
least one person in AMS be responsible for dealing with all the resource groups, and at least that way
we can go to someone if we need to
contact them. Communication and
coordination had definitely been an
issue." tH
Women focus of UBC
cardiovascular research
UBC and Providence Health Care have
established the first research program
in BC to focus on gender-based differences in cardiovascular disease.
The UBC Heart and Stroke
Foundation Professorship in Women's
Cardiovascular Health, run by Karin
Humphries, will develop a focused
and integrated vision for cardiovascular care, education and research for
women throughout the province.
"For decades, cardiovascular
disease was considered a man's
disease, but the reality is that more
women are dying of heart disease
than men. We haven't seen enough
research in this area of study." said
Humphries. 13
SUB»
Honour Roll
Express opens in
SUB
CATHERINE LAI^HE UBYSSEY
Jessica Noujeim
Contributor
Not everyone has time to wait in the
notorious lineup for the Honour Roll
during their lunch hour.
For those people, the AMS
has opened the Express location
across from CopySmart in the SUB
basement.
"[The line] goes quickly, but
when you have 30 minutes between
classes, waiting time adds up," said
AMS Food and Beverage Services
Manager Nancy Toogood. "We
wanted to make sure everyone was
accommodated."
Serving between 1000-1200
customers daily, the Honour Roll is
one ofthe most popular AMS food
outlets. The Express, open between
the peak hours of llam-12pm, will
sell California and avocado rolls, su-
nomono salad and chicken teriyaki,
among other choices.
Raymond Chan, Honour Roll
staff manager, said that they will be
increasing production in order to
supply both outlets.
"This will help our business and
help people not wait so long," he
said.
The size ofthe lineup is notorious on campus, and some students
refuse to wait.
"I've seen the lineup with probably 50 people, but I'll only wait behind 3 to 5 people, max," said Jenna
Macken, a third-year UBC student.
But on its opening on Tuesday, the
Express had limited success, which
may be due to poor advertising aside
from two posters.
"It should be advertised more,"
said Macken. "I'd never heard of it
and it'd be a great option at lunch."
Toogood still has high hopes for
the Express. "If it takes off successfully, we may even start to take
popular items from other areas—
the Pendulum salads and some
Bernoulli's bagels—in a commissary-
style model that we're considering
for the new SUB." 13 41 News I io.24.2oii
VP STUDENTS »
Louise Cowin steps up as new VP Students
Plans to enrich student experience and tackle low student engagement
Kalyeena Makortoff
News Editor
Last week, Louise Cowin took her
post as VP Students, becoming the
newest face in the UBC executive.
Cowin was headhunted for the
position in July after four years as
warden of Hart House, a student
centre at the University of Toronto
(U of T). But this is not her first time
working at UBC.
She was first involved with the
university in the late 1990s, when
she taught as a sessional instructor
for the Faculty of Education. "The
university has changed tremendously," she said. "And it seems to be
a university on the upswing that has
a very ambitious agenda."
The portfolio was run on an interim
basis by Louise Nasmith since Brian
Sullivan ended his 12-year term in
March 2011. The VP Students oversees Enrolment Services, Student
Development, UBC Athletics and
Student Housing and Hospitality
Services. They're also the point person
for all general student concerns, in-
cludingliaisingwith student groups.
"I'm tremendously excited to be
here," said Cowin. "UBC is still a
relatively young university and I
think is a little more nimble, therefore, in terms of being able to move
things along, perhaps a little faster.
"I think that at U of T those traditions are just more deeply rooted,
so I think this nimbleness and agility comes from having less of that
rootedness.
"I do have the sense...that change
here is possible and that was part of
the excitement in coming to be part
of this portfolio."
Originally from the Isle of Man,
Cowin was an international student
in Canada, where she received her
master's at Dalhousie and her PhD
at McGill. Cowin said that UBC's
goal of increasing the number of
international students has little risk
but much prospective benefit for
the student body and the university
as a whole.
"I know that international students have been increasing in successive years...and I'm aware that
there are myths and concerns about
them taking seats and kind of taking
funding from Canadian students,"
she said. "But to the best of my
knowledge that's something that is a
myth, and students are coming and
paying full freight. And indeed there
are benefits to the university from
that, but mostly it's not an economic
question for me, but enriching the
fabric ofthe campus and the experience for all students."
Similarly, Cowin sees UBC's movement towards broad-based admissions as a a positive force for campus
diversity.
"Numbers don't provide the full
picture, and I think that who the
Louise Cowin took on her new role on October 21.
GEOFF LISTER/THE UBYSSEY
student is and the experiences they
have had also provide a richness in
terms ofthe student body as well,"
she said.
Cowin also addressed the chronic
problem of student engagement at
UBC. She said that while she was
impressed bythe diverse number of
support services and student clubs,
on-campus involvement is hard to explain and a difficult problem to solve.
"All these great opportunities
exist. Which students are taking
them up? But of equal, if not greater
importance is: who's not and why
not? And what is it that UBC could
be doing...to increase their engagement and not having them run to
the bus loop or run to the parking
lotto get off campus?" she said.
"I think it's the $64,000 question that UBC faces, that U of T
faces, that the vast majority of large
universities in North America face.
I don't think it's a quick fix and certainly not an easy one."
Cowin said she intends to start dialogue with the campus community
about the university experience.
"I think we need to engage in
some town halls," she said.
"We need to engage in conversations with students. We need
to deeply listen to what it is that
students are telling us from that
kind of score. Then, we need to
do something about it, because
clearly that kind of score is absolutely counter to the strategic plan,
Place and Promise, that talks about
support and well being, personal
development and positive affiliation with UBC through outstanding
campus life programs and service
excellence."
North America-wide student surveys, such as the National Survey on
Student Engagement, have consistently shown UBC students are less
satisfied with their classroom experiences compared to those at smaller
and less research-focused schools.
But Cowin says UBC's size shouldn't
be an excuse.
"It's not something that we can
simply shrug our shoulders about...
and just say, 'We're a large institution, or student expectations are x
and y.' We have to begin to understand what the criticism is and
begin to address it." 13
amS Insider weekly   ( «
student society     a weekly look at what's new at your student society Jr
Keep up to date with the AMS
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UBC Library & the AMS Food Bank presents
FOOD
R FINES
October 17th-31st
Pay for your UBC Library Fines with non-perishable
food items - a max of $30 can be waived.
Donations are welcome!
Find us on Facebook
STwitter
tiubcfoodforfines
#amsfoodforfines
You bring the food - we'll waive the fines
Are you a student, faculty, or staff member
at UBC with an innovative project idea?
innovative projects
s fund
You can get up to $5,000 towards your project.
Apply online at ams.ubc.ca before October 28th!
Having financial difficulties? Apply by October 28th
for full UPass, New SUB, and AMS fee subsidy.
AMS
FINANCIAL
HARDSHIP
SUBSIDY
APPLICATI
uvWD»psUB»vWpuc««       ^
IC
More info at ams.ubc.ca Cnltnre»
10.24.20111 5
Editor: Ginny Monaco
ON THECOVER»
Ex-professional skateboarder and UBC grad wins literary award
Will Johnson
Senior Culture Writer
While Michael Christie was writing his award-winning collection of
short stories, The Beggar's Garden,
he would routinely walk into alleys
and smell dumpsters.
"I had to figure out a way to
describe that smell, you know?"
Christie said in a recent interview
with The Ubyssey. "It's harder than
it sounds."
The former professional skateboarder, who graduated from UBC
in 2009, picked up the Vancouver
Book Award on October 18, which
comes with a $2000 prize.
"First of all, it's weird to hear
the mayor say your name," said
Christie. "The only time I'd ever
been to city hall was for bad reasons like parking tickets, so to be a
guest there was strange enough."
When Christie first heard the
announcement that his book had
won, he was too shocked to move.
"I didn't get up at first. He called
my name and I was kind of frozen.
I think he might have said it again.
At that point I was like, okay."
After the ceremony, Christie got
a chance to speak to Mayor Gregor
Robertson.
"He's obviously handsome and
charismatic-seeming from a distance. I never knew if it was a slick-
ness," he said.
"But actually, we talked after and
he was a super genuine guy, self-
effacing and interesting. And he
seemed genuinely interested in the
book too."
As it turned out, Robertson had
only read the first three stories.
"That third story, sometimes
it can be a deal-breaker," said
Christie.
He was referring to "Goodbye
Porkpie Hat," his first-person story
about a man smoking crack and
interacting with the ghost of J.
Robert Oppenheimer in a vision.
That was Christie's first published
story, in subTerrain magazine, and
it eventually landed him a Journey
Prize nomination.
WILLJOHNSON^HE UBYSSEY
Michael Christie is currently working on "the first literary novel about skateboarding." He uses the smells of particularly nasty dumpsters for inspiration
But some people don't appreciate it.
"I mean, they see a first-person
story about someone smoking crack
and that's it for them," he said.
But Christie is drawn to unreliable narrators, and stories that feature the damaged and mentally ill.
"I like weird. I like cracked perspectives," Christie said. "There's
this Chekhov quote I love. He said,
"Don't tell me the moon is shining.
Show me the glint from broken
glass.' I love that idea of looking at
the world through broken perspectives in a way to make it more
beautiful."
Christie drew from his personal
experiences in the Downtown
Eastside for many of his stories. He
worked in an emergency shelter for
six years and said his experiences
there were transformative.
"It was hard. I'm not suited for
social work," said Christie. "I'm
a pretty empathetic person and I
have trouble wielding power over
people. I have trouble watching
them fall apart. And being in a
position where you're supposed to
be helping them...it's pretty much
impossible.
"I burned out pretty bad. I was
quite broken-hearted, really," he
added.
But Christie took those conflicted emotions and channeled them
into his writing.
"This book, I don't want to
inflate the significance of it, but
there's a real thread of people
helping each other, trying to know
people who are damaged, and I
mean damaged on all class levels,"
he said.
Christie said he's still struggling
with his transition to full-time
author. He's living in Thunder Bay
with his wife and young son. He recently stepped down as the senior
editor of Colour magazine to focus
full-time on his new manuscript,
an untitled novel about a woman
with agoraphobia. Her son is a
skateboarder.
"This is goingto be the first literary novel about skateboarding,"
said Christie with a smile.
Meanwhile, he's been busy
touring across the country. After
a week in Vancouver, he's heading
to Toronto. The Beggar's Garden is
up for the Rogers Writer's Trust
Award.
Christie said it's been exciting
to meet other authors, including
DW Wilson, Jessica Westhead and
Alexander McLeod, as he makes
the rounds ofthe awards circuit.
"It's super surreal," he said. "I
didn't become a writer to stand in
front of a bunch of people and talk.
Sometimes I feel like an imposter.
Like, I'm just this weird kid."
But plenty of people would beg to
differ. 13
ADVOCACY))
Student-run aid groups team up for awareness seminars
Mike Dickson
StaffWriter
UBC is a long way from the conflicts
raging in central Africa, but three
advocacy groups are doing their best
to bring awareness to the campus
doorstep.
Invisible Children, STAND
UBC and the Africa Canada
Accountability Coalition are taking
part in student-based seminars on
November 3 and 24 in the Global
Lounge at Marine Drive residences. The focus will be on the effects
on central and east African states
like the Democratic Republic of
Congo, Uganda and the Central
African Republic. The November
3 seminar focuses on sexual violence in conflict zones, while the
November 24 presentation is about
the use of child soldiers in the
Congo.
The aims ofthe three organizations differ in specifics but not in
spirit, as each hopes to alleviate
human suffering in African conflict
zones by raising awareness and
translating it into political action at
the highest level.
STAND UBC is focused on the
=HILLIPJEFFREYS/FLICKR
STAND UBC created a genocide hotline to lobby the federal government
crime of genocide, which evolved
out of their initial goal of advocating
for intervention in the ongoing conflict in Darfur. In addition to creating events, the group is pushing for
Members of Parliament to be more
aware ofthe atrocities taking place,
and making policy recommendations to the federal government.
"Our main recommendation is the
creation of a special sub-committee
on genocide under the Committee
of Human Rights," said Adi Burton,
who is in her second year as president of STAND UBC.
"It's a different crime altogether, and we want Members of
Parliament to be constantly updated
on the different situations arising
around the world."
Those MPs can't hide anymore
thanks to a STAND-funded hotline,
aptly numerated 1-800-GENOCID,
which connects callers to the offices
ofthe prime minister, leader ofthe
opposition and foreign affairs minister. "That's been very successful,"
said a smiling Burton.
Invisible Children is a fundraising and advocacy group that grew
out of a summer trip to Uganda by
three college friends.
They held a presentation at the
Norm Theatre on October 3 and
ultimately aim to stop the Lord's
Resistance Army (LRA), one ofthe
most notorious and brutal militia
groups on the face ofthe earth.
The organization is pursuing the
LRA as it moves out of northern
Uganda and into the Democratic
Republic of Congo.
"With the early-warning radio
network we've created, we can talk
to remote communities and give
them updates on LRA activity and
warn them of impending attacks,"
said Cassie Lauang.
"We also broadcast messages on
frequencies that can be heard by the
LRA, urging them to lay down their
arms and come home. The other
week we had six members hear our
message and turn themselves in to
the local authorities.
"Having LRA members actually defect is very encouraging
progress."
The Africa Canada Accountability
Coalition (ACAC) looks at conflict in
the Great Lakes region, comprised
of parts ofthe Democratic Republic
of Congo, Uganda, Rwanda and
Burundi. It is committed to empowering Canadians with information so they can become agents of
change.
Simon Child, an ACAC representative, said the organization wants
Canadians to lobby the government
to take responsibility for our history
in the region.
"Canada has an extensive history in the region that many are not
aware of, and it's been a generally
negative one," he said.
"From the government failing
to address the funding of militia
groups by the diaspora in Canada,
to prioritizing corporate citizens
and extractive companies over
the women ofthe Great Lakes, we
want to bridge the gap between
think-tank and activist group and
get some lines of accountability
established." 13 61 Centre 11024.2011
PHOTO ESSAY »
'j__j_H
_^__^_^__^^F".r i
-
V^      1
Sprouts' weekly student soup kitchen
Photos by Peter Wojnar
It's a tattered, black binder. Not much
distinguishes it from the thousands
of other beat up black binders on this
campus—except for a faded label on the
front.
This particular binder is the
Community Eats Handbook, and it contains all the information compiled over the
years on running Sprouts' popular Friday
free lunch. Founded in 2007 to promote
discussion around food security issues, the
program has since grown into a campus
staple, attracting hundreds of like-minded
individuals to the cafe every week.
"We are dedicated to fostering food
security and encouraging community
engagement on and beyond our campus,"
wrote program founders Caitlin Dorward
and Heather Russell in 2008.
Indeed, many Sprouts volunteers are
involved in the Faculty of Land and Food
Systems, and share a committment to
making Community Eats as sustainable as
possible. "We are always shocked bythe
number of disposable containers littering the building, and glad that our project
isn't contributing to that waste," they
wrote. Longtime patrons of Community
Eats (Ubyssey staffers included) know to
bring cutlery and containers to the Friday
morning lineup. For first-timers, though,
staff have accumulated numerous yogurt
containers so no one is turned away.
Coordinating such a meal is no easy feat.
Sprouts currently has seven staffers who
coordinate Community Eats. According
to the handbook, close to 50 hours a week
go into the lunch, and "Community Eats
operates entirely with volunteer power."
Prep work for the dishes—which include
chilis, stews and salads—begins at 10pm
on Thursdays in the AMS prep kitchen.
The program began in 2007 as a way
of uniting a number of student groups on
a sustainble product to benefit students.
In 2007, the AMS VP Academic Brendon
Goodmurphy called together the Bike
Kitchen, Students for Sustainability and
Sprouts. Goodmurphy wanted to "create
a program similar to The People's Potato,
a 'vegan soup kitchen' that the students
of Concordia University, in Montreal,
initiated to address student poverty." The
program was wildly successful, and has
become the cornerstone of what Sprouts
does.
Community Eats is one of those rare opportunities for students on campus to get
together and share a free meal.
Just make sure to beat the lineup. 13
—Jonny Wakefield io.24.2oii | Centre 17 Sports»
B Editor-Drake Fenton
10.24.20111 8
T-Bird Standin
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►>1
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Victoria xy
8
2
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ZBCx
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6
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6
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6
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Calgary
6
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6
4
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5
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3
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x=Oinched playoff spot
y=Hosting CIS nationals
Bird Droppings
►>1
Women's basketball wins
preseason tourney
UBC's women's basketball team
sailed through the Edmonton
HoopFest exhibition tournament
this past weekend, defeating the
University of Concordia 7872. the
University of Toronto 79-57 and
Wilfrid Laurier University 74-58.
UBC won a thriller against
Concordia on Friday, needing an
overtime to notch the victory
At the end of the fourth guarter.
Concordia drained a buzzer beating three-pointer to keep them in
the game. The T-Birds prevailed in
overtime, outscoring Concordia 11-
5. UBC's Alex Vieweg led the team
with 17 points.
On Saturday against Toronto,
three players scored 13 points
each in the winning effort. The
Thunderbirds ran up a 37-23 lead
by halftime and were able to hammer it home with a 23-point fourth
guarter.
Sunday. UBC completed their
tournament sweep in convincing
fashion. The 'Birds held onto the
lead from the very beginning and
at one point they held an 18 point
advantage over Laurier.
MICHAELTHIBAULT/THE UBYSSEY
UBC's Malcolm Williams blows past Concordia's Jerome Blake. The T-Birds narrowly defeated Concordia 74-71 Saturday night at War Memorial Gym. The
'Birds controlled the game for most of the night, but in the fourth guarter UBC suffered a meltdown and were outscored 22-9. Graham Bath led UBC with
17 points. Concordia had a chance to tie the game in the final seconds, but UBC's defence blocked a three-point attempt to preserve the win.
Women's soccer annihilates Sask 6-0
Kaan Eraslan
Contributor
On Saturday night the UBC women's soccer team completely and
utterly dominated the University of
Saskatchewan Huskies.
UBC cruised to a 6-0 victory at
Thunderbird Park, despite playing
star striker Janine Frazao for only
one half.
Frazao managed to score twice
in the first half, bringing her league
leadinggoal total to 12.
UBC head coach Mark Rogers said
thatFrazao's second half absence
was simply for rest and recuperation
in order to prepare for next week's
games. "It could have been a chance
to give her a hat trick but I don't
coach just for individual accolades,"
he said.
Early on, Saskatchewan showed
that the only scoring chances they
could capitalize on were against
themselves. The Huskies accidentally scored on their own net in the
opening minutes ofthe game.
In the 22nd minute, Frazao quickly
pushed the Huskies into deeper
water by headingthe ball past
Saskatchewan goalkeeper Marrissa
Wilford. She continued her reign of
dominance two minutes later when
she buried another goal on a penalty
shot, bringingthe score to 3-0 for
UBC.
In the first half, the majority of
play was spent on Saskatchewan's
side ofthe field. UBC kept the
Huskies on their heels with continuous offensive pressure. The
'Birds made good use ofthe field,
stretchingthe Huskies' defence thin
and keeping possession with crisp
passes.
"I felt that our possession game
could have been better at certain
times this season. We've started to
grow in our last six games. We tied
against Trinity last week but we're
starting to score more so I think [the
team] is believing in themselves as a
group a little more with possession,"
said Rogers.
Even with Frazao absent in the
second half, UBC proved they could
still find the net with consistency.
Striker Rachel Sawer continued the
onslaught of goals with a perfect
shot from outside ofthe penalty box.
The ball found the net in the top left
corner, makingthe score 4-0 in the
29th minute.
The depth of UBC's roster was
somethingthat impressed Rogers
on Saturday. "The performances off
the bench were great. Every one of
the players that was called upon to
go out and perform did really well,"
he said.
The Huskies' defence continued to
struggle for the rest ofthe half, once
again scoring on themselves after redirecting a UBC free-kick into their
own goal. Then in the 80th minute,
Sawer scored her second goal ofthe
game from a cross sent by midfielder
Taylor Shannik.
"We kept a clean sheet at one end,
we scored six and could have had
more, so I'm obviously quite pleased.
I thought we looked very dangerous
going forward today," said Rogers.
Next week the 'Birds face the
University of Calgary and the
University of Lethbridge in their
final games ofthe season. 13
Football team claims another victim, slays Bears 39-22
Drake Fenton
Sports Editor
For the second week in a row, the
UBC Thunderbirds' defensive backs
came up huge, propelling UBC to a
39-22 win over the Alberta Golden
Bears in Edmonton on Saturday.
In the third quarter, with UBC
leading20-15, T-Bird fifth-year
cornerback Sam Carino intercepted
Alberta's Ryan Schwartz's pass, returning it 53 yards for a touchdown.
Then, with 3:27 left in the fourth
quarter and Alberta trailing by 10,
safety Chris Mark picked Schwartz,
returning the ball 55 yards for
UBC's second pick-six ofthe game.
"Big plays, that was the name of
the game on defence," said UBC
head coach Shawn Olson. "Two
interceptions returned for touchdowns are huge in any game."
Though UBC's defence helped
spark the 'Birds to victory, it was
their kicker Billy Pavlopoulous who
was the team's unsung hero. With
the score 29-22 in UBC's favour and
9:38 left in the final quarter, the
T-Birds were forced to punt from
their 17 yard line. Pavlopoulous
boomed the ball down the field 77
yards, eliminating Alberta's chance
of a short field.
On the enusing drive, the 'Birds
defence forced the Bears to punt,
putting the ball in the hands of UBC
quarterback Billy Greene. He drove
the offence down the field and
Pavlopoulous slotted a 47 yard field
goal to make the score 32-22, putting the game out of reach.
While UBC's defence was opportunistic the entire game, they
struggled to contain Alberta's rushing attack, getting torched for 299
yards. "We didn't stop the run very
consistently," said Olson. "I think
we were misaligned a few times, I
don't think we [did] our jobs especially well and all those things lead
to an inconsistent effort. If we're
goingto be able to go anywhere, we
can't have those kinds of efforts."
UBC remains in second in the
Canada West. Next weekend they
host the undefeated University of
Calgary. If they win, it will secure
their first home playoff game in 12
years. 13
DAVID ELOPATHE UBYSSEY
UBC will most likely need to beat Calgary next week if they want to host a playoff game 10.24.2011
Sports 19
ERIC INASI/THE UBYSSEY
UBC is one point off first place. They have two games left to close the gap on Victoria
SOCCER»
Men's soccer questing for first
From the
pitch
Andrew
Bates
With three points on Saturday
night, UBC ensured passage into
the Canada West playoffs. But for
the nation's No. 1 ranked team, first
place—and home advantage—is now
precarious, but still in reach. Can
they grasp it?
The theme of this year has been
the quest to return to the CIS final
after losing 1-0 to York University
lastyear. The first half ofthe season
continued that story, with UBC
thundering through the conference
undefeated.
When they were moved above
York to the top ofthe coaches' poll,
it seemed as though they were
destined to run the table en route to
another appearance at nationals.
On Thanksgiving, UBC head
coach Mike Mosher said their plan
was to not lose a game the whole
season, and it looked like they could
doit.
But after a loss to the University
of Victoria last weekend and a draw
against the University of Alberta
Friday, they were brought down to
earth. With Victoria's victory over
the University of Lethbridge on
Sunday, UBC sits one point out of
first place.
"It would be nice [to finish first]
but we're not goingto knock ourselves out," Mosher said. "You just
take it as it comes. Every weekend
is a big weekend. Victoria doesn't
have an easy road trip [to end the
season]."
UBC has demonstrated their
strength; they are an offensive juggernaut that knows how to maintain
pressure and hold possession. The
key, however, is to bury the chances
they create, and they didn't against
Alberta.
The 'Birds only scored once on 23
shots, and they weren't able to keep
the lead they created. Alberta tied
the game in the 28th minute ofthe
second half. But that doesn't mean
the strategy is useless; after the
game, Mosher said he thought if they
maintained their quality play, the
chances would eventually convert
into goals. They certainly did against
Saskatchewan. The 5-2 win was as
impressive as itwas frustrating for
Saskatchewan, whose season is slipping away after coming close in last
year's conference final.
We're talking about championships, however, and what will keep
UBC from becoming a champion is a
frustrating inability to turn pressure
into goals, and the failure to supplement that pressure with rock-solid
defence. The meal they made of a 3-0
lead in the second half ended well
for them, but they won't always be
so lucky.
"We've got to be harder to score
against," Mosher said. "We haven't
had enough clean sheets, and that's
somethingthat needs to be improved
over the next couple of weeks."
That being said, UBC isn't without
character. They were able to beat
back 2-0 leads twice this year, and
when they have a j ob to do, they
aren't easy to perturb. It's possible
that being behind will give them a
little more fire going into the final
weekend. Lastyear, after all, they
made it through the playoffs after
being second in the league.
The schedule's not bad either. UBC has two matches left,
both away against Calgary and
Lethbridge. Though scrapping for
a playoff spot, Calgary has not enjoyed an excellent second half of the
season, with only one win in three
games.
Lethbridge is a minnow; although
there is always the potential for
calamity, UBC is fortunate to end
their season against them. On the
other hand, Victoria has a tough trip
to Alberta and Saskatchewan. First
place is still very much in reach.
And though topping the table isn't
as valuable as it usually is—any other
year it would book a team's place to
nationals—there is still much to be
won. First place hosts the Canada
West playoffs, and UBC's 6-0-1
record at home is much better than
their 1-1-3 record on the road.
"We're a very quick and very
technical team, so our game is very
conducive to [our] artificial [field]
surface, that plays very fast," Mosher
said. "That has some definite benefit
to us."
Regardless of whether or not the
T-Birds secure first place, they are
confident in their ability.
"We've learned that if we come
out and play our game and play at
the level that we're fully capable of
doing, we're damn tough to beat,"
Mosher said. tH
Agenda for Tuesday's
staff meeting:
Introduction
New Members
3. Ted Talk
4. Hootenanny Update
5. Retreat Update
6. NASH Discussion
Mundane Discussion
8. A Heartbreaking Reveal
9. Sad Denouement
10. New business?
11. Probably not
12. Alter all, everyone has
been struck mute by the
I dinosaurs
13. Wait, what?
14. Dinosaur discussion
(URGENT)
15. Flee the dinosaurs! Opinion »
B Editor- Rrian Piatt
10.24.20111 IQ
NDIANAJOEL^HE UBYSSEY
After Honour Roll Express catches on, the AMS creates scaled-down versions of its other businesses
The Last Word
Parting shots and snap judgments on today's issues
Happy anniversary to our
friends at the Daily
There are only two twice-weekly
student newspapers in Canada—
yours truly and the McGill Daily
But only one of us had a ridiculous party celebrating our 100th
anniversary last week, and while
we're jealous ofthe large amount of
memories and booze they undoubtedly shared, we were cheering
them on from the other side ofthe
country.
There's a strong lineage between our two papers and campuses that dates back to 1906, when
the McGill University College of
British Columbia was established
by McGill to provide Vancouverites
with the first few years of education towards a degree. When our
provincial government was ready
in 1915, we transitioned into the
University of British Columbia.
Our paper was founded three years
later.
For decades, the Daily has covered the political machinations and
social changes in their university
and city with a zealous passion for
journalism. After a century of upheaval in Quebec, the Daily is still
standing, prouder than ever, and
for that we raise our glass and say:
felicitations!
Dreaming of a new, open-late
liquor store
A rumour started up on Twitter
last week that the BC Liquor
Store was going to be moving to
Wesbrook Village, near Save-On
Foods. It goes without saying that it
would be a horrific tragedy to move
our university's only source of
liquor away from the centre of campus—though not all that surprising,
given the way development at UBC
has gone in recent years.
So we went in and asked the
liquor store staff about the rumour,
who told us not to worry about
it. Such gossip has constantly
popped up over the past five years;
another variation is that the store
is expanding in its current location. We were told to not believe
any rumour about the store until
construction equipment actually
arrives.
Yet this did get us thinking about
the liquor store situation on campus. It would be very nice to have
a private store on campus, even if
it's way off in Wesbrook Village.
A private store would likely stay
open later, and it would give the BC
Liquor Store some competition that
may result in a few more weekly
specials.
At one point, UBC Athletics tried
to have a beer vendor installed in
the new arena, but that plan was
scuttled after opposition from the
RCMP and the UNA (surprise,
surprise.) But a store down in
Wesbrook, as opposed to literally across the street from the frat
houses, might get support.
Oh hell, we just don't want to
have to trek down to Darby's at
10:30pm anymore. One can hope.
The fuss over re-districting
ignores the real problem
There was much gnashing of
teeth this past week as the federal
government announced they had
altered the magic formula used to
determine the number of new seats
each province gets in the House of
Commons, taking promised seats
away from BC and Ontario while
giving them to Quebec.
That this provoked a round of
passionate debate about federalism
from newspaper columnists and
political science students is no surprise. But this is another example
of provinces bickering with one
another for supremacy, and ignoring
the far greater problem of democratic reform.
BC will have five new MPs, which
is five more people who will have
no real voice, no real say over policy
and cost Canadians millions of dollars in salaries and pensions in their
lifetimes. Figure out how to empower ordinary MPs, and then we'll
care about how many we have.
Another petition that dies on
the Facebook page
We've said this a lot: petitions are
awesome. A petition drive is one of
the few times when UBC students
get passionate and organized, and
petitions are often the only option
available to reverse decisions made
bythe various bureaucracies on
campus, and there are many success stories to point to.
The AMS has been commendable in its response to the anger
over executive pay raises, and the
proposed changes are a step in the
right direction. But we're a little
disappointed in the organizers of
the petition, who have left much
to be desired in keeping the troops
mobilized.
The AMS Legislative Procedures
Committee was very responsive
in holding consultation meetings.
Yet the only students who attended
were organizers ofthe petition or
members of campus media. How
are the petition organizers going to
win a referendum if they struggle
to get even a couple of students to
come to the consultations?
Real change takes work, and you
need it ifyou want your petition to
succeed. Resting on a 400-person
Facebook event isn't enough; you
have to annoy people into actually
showing up, because being that's
how grassroots campaigns work.
It's called "Express" for a
reason, you fools
When The Ubyssey discovered
that an Honour Roll Express was
being built where the copy-machines were, we were overcome
by NIMBYism. We didn't want
sushi-crazed second-years roaming around our part ofthe SUB
basement.
But instead we're forced to look
at the empty Express only metres
away from a huge line of students
waiting to buy the exact same sushi, and realize the stupidity inherent in humanity. Seriously people,
just go use the quicker option. 13
A UBC election that
could matter
Editor's
Notebook
Justin
McElroy
Did you know that ifyou live on
campus, you can't vote in the
Vancouver election? Suprise!
You aren't part of any municipal
government. UBC is on provincial
land, bereft of municipal accountability, and while this was dandy
when the university was a sleepy
outpost on the edge of Vancouver,
it's become a little unwieldy in the
last decade as a city has sprung up
here. A city which, for all intents
and purposes, is under UBC's
control.
Yet it's amazing how, despite living in the only urban area in Canada
without a representative municipal
government, our area west of Blanca
doesn't lack for elections; there was
the UNA Board of Directors election
last month, there will be an AMS
election in January, and next month,
the vote for the Electoral Area A
director takes place.
This last one is particularly important because the winner takes a
seat on the Metro Vancouver board
(MetroVan). It's the only election
where everyone who lives at UBC—
whether student, faculty, staff or
millionaire—can vote.
It's the only election where the
winner can conceivably claim
to represent all citizens of UBC.
Because of that, the winner of this
election should have some rhetorical
power and a bully pulpit to represent the interests of people who live
here.
Except they won't. Maria Harris
hasn't in her past three years as
director, and it likely doesn't matter
who gets elected. Right now, the
Electoral Area A director has no
actual power to influence change
on this campus and won't be able to
lobby UBC in any meaningful way.
Of course, UBC won't complain
about this. UBC likes all of these
elections, because so long as people—however few of them—are voting, they can plausibly say that there
is no real democratic deficit.
It also helps that they have a
bunch of small groups chirping
away at them for various grievances.
If all of UBC's elected representatives were united in common
causes, this university would have
a problem on their hands. But they
each have their own smaller issues,
so the university can deal with each
fairly easily.
Meanwhile, the Electoral Area A
director gets caught up in the inner
workings of MetroVan. And both
the AMS—which, full disclosure,
is currently run by my cousin—and
the UNA have repeatedly criticized
MetroVan in the past two years for
not understanding what people at
UBC care about.
All the while, UBC continues to
hold total control over development,
total control over zoning, total control over parking—total control over
just about anything that matters,
academic-related or not.
This election could be a wonderful chance for our community to
unite on shared issues of contention
with UBC. It could be a chance to
select a candidate who will represent everyone on campus when
they critique the university and
provincial government. It could be
a chance to get all diverse groups
on the same page on the issues that
really matter.
Recent history tells me it won't.
But I'm willing to be surprised. 13
Mental health is a priority
Letters
Jonny Wakefield does an excel-
lentjob pointing out that depression and stress are amongthe top
health concerns that cause negative
academic impacts for UBC students
("Wakefield: UBC must address
mental well-being as a structural
issue," October 18). While some of
the statistics quoted in the author's
article require a more careful review
ofthe survey data, mental health remains a significant concern for many
students.
Mental and physical health is a
priority at all levels of UBC and we
are actively working towards positive
changes for students, staff and faculty. Improving mental health is about
addressing systemic barriers as much
as it is about increasing individual
resiliency and providing access to
services for those who need them.
UBC Vancouver deans met in June
to discuss a campus-wide systemic
plan regarding policy that supports
mental well-being for all students,
as well as improving the recognition
and treatment of those who become
distressed by mental illness. The
UBC Focus on People plan supports
mental well-being through initiatives
for staff and faculty. Overall, the goal
is to improve everyone's resilience—
the ability to meet stressful life situations in a positive manner—and to
support students' academic success.
Having a caring community at
UBC helps all of us to support each
other, to be more human with one
another, to give each of us the space
we need to regroup when required—
which is what Thrive Week is all
about. Another part ofthe campus-
wide mental health plan is how to
offer the right type of help when it is
needed. Thrive is also about raising
awareness of resources in the UBC
community so that students can better navigate the services available to
them when they are struggling.
We offer self-help such as the
Antidepressant Skills Workbook
through the Live Well Learn Well
website, we support student groups
by providing space and promot-
ingtheir work and we connect
with Speakeasy and the Learning
Commons. We also provide quick
access to mental health services
through the Counselling Service
and Student Health Service, which
have partnered to provide effective,
evidence-based care for students
with mental health concerns. We are
also improvingthe connections with
health care agencies in the surrounding community. Together, each of us
in the UBC community can improve
our resilience and caring to support
academic success of all students. We
welcome discussion across the university on mental health and encourage students to bring ideas for how
we can continue to build a caring
campus community at UBC.
-Patricia Mirwaldt, MD CCFP
Director, Student Health Service Scene»
Pictures and words on your university experience
10.24.20111 11
HUMOUR »
Why you should not develop an addiction to crack
The 25 Queries
ofStudentD
Bryce
Warnes
The 25 Queries of Student D is an
attempt to answer 25pressing questions posted anonymously by a com-
menter on The Ubyssey's website.
For the introduction to this column,
and to read the original comment,
visit ubyssey.ca/opinion/wakefield-
a-new-look-a-new-paper-a-new -
way-ofthinking321/.
Two for one special! Today I'll answer two of Student D's questions:
22. "where to buy crack, BCIT
has a huge supply"
23. "where to buy cheap coke, I
mean cocacola the drink"
First things first: I can't tell you
where to buy cocaine. Last year, a
UBC student died from consuming too much alcohol and cocaine.
I can't have any future fatalities
weighing on my conscience. Also,
in order to know where to buy coke,
you usually have to be friends with
cokeheads. And cokeheads make for
tedious company. I'll leave it up to
the reader to find their own source
ofyayo.
If you'd like to buy crack, a trip
to East Hastings is in order. But if
you're able to locally source your
cocaine, you can save yourself a
bus ride by picking up some baking
soda, rubbing alcohol, distilled water and cotton swabs.
The editors of The Ubyssey have
some sort of weird hang-up about
explicitly describing, within the
pages ofthe paper, howto produce
an illegal and highly addictive substance. They say I'm not allowed to
provide instructions for the ratio
of baking soda to cocaine or the
method for heating the mixture, but
ifyou search "how to make crack"
on Google, you won't have difficulty
finding a recipe.
Once you've made your crack,
you'll probably want to smoke it.
You need to melt the rock—or a portion of it—while inhaling the fumes,
making sure to avoid oral contact
with the hot brown resin that forms
as a byproduct. A lightbulb with
the threading removed works for
this. So does any thin glass tube,
so long as you insert a wad of steel
wool to keep the crack rock from
sliding into your mouth while you
smoke. You can also purchase pipes
designed for vapour-based druguse
=CTER WOJNAR/THE UBYSSEY
It was a funny couple of days in the life of video editor David Marino
online.
Now, for the effects. You will
probably enjoy the sensation of
smoking crack. When the crack
has worn off, you will feel terrible
and want more. This is when the
addiction starts. Ifyou stick to it,
eventually you can expect all the
pleasures of living to take second
seat to smoking more crack. In time,
you will find yourself unable, or
unwilling, to attend school or hold
down ajob.
Your lungs and throat will hurt.
You will develope oral nastiness
that far outshines anything Colgate
can prevent. You'll lose weight, but
not in the sexy way. While smoking
crack is energizing in the short
term, in time your comedown naps
will extend in length, so that when
you're not smoking you spend most
ofyour time in bed. Withdrawal
will leave you paranoid and aggressive. You may have attacks of fear
and anxiety similar to schizophrenic episodes. Be prepared foryour
personality to change drastically
and probably for the worse. There's
a good chance that the people who
like or even love you will not want
to be around you any more.
Smoking crack tends to put a lot
of stress on your body, especially
your heart. Continued use will
increase your chances of suddenly
dropping dead from cardiac arrest.
But when you're high, you'll feel
great. Nothing will hurt, and you'll
be a god among mortals.
Ifyou manage to pull yourself out
ofyour addiction, you'll still want
to smoke crack, possibly for the rest
ofyour life. Depending on how long
you spent smoking, you may suffer
cognitive impairments. You might
have trouble holding still or walking in a straight line. You made it
out alive, though. Which, after you
start smoking, is probably the best
you can hope for.
With any luck, this article was
useful. May your future experiments with cocaine and cocaine
products prove non-fatal. 13
, *
-
-   .'^-cJ. L'*' %'   !■§■■■■■
MeL*'"^; -'-V;. -':■ "
,"-   •'.> . v'i
Smoking a pack a day costs about $300/month.
Describe your smoke-free lifestyle at
facebook.com/quittersunite for a chance to wan!
Contest open to everyone 19 and older, even ifyou don't smoke. 121 Scene 110.24.2011
=ETER WOJNARATHE UBYSSEY
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