UBC Publications

UBC Publications

UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Sep 7, 1988

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VOLUME 71, Number 1
Vancouver, B.C. Wednesday, September 7, 1988 Classifieds
Rates: AMS Card Holders - 3 lines, $3.00,
additional lines 60 cents, commercial-3 lines,
75 cents. (10% Discount on 25 Issues or
more) Classified ads payable In advance.
Deadline 4-00 p.m.. two days before pubilcal-
ton. Room 266, SUB, UBC, Van., B.C. V6T
y        _             	
■, Comedy College is coming
10% OFF
$5 cards
for sale in most libraries
$10, $20 cards
in Main and Woodward
for your club
Custom designed for your group, fraternity,
residence - 433-7935
76 TOYOTA CORONA stn. wgn., good basic
transp., $800 OBO. Ph. 271-3935.
FOR SALE - double bed - new, headboard
shelving unit, sofa, 12 x 12 grey carpet,
blinds. Call Larry 731-3353.
ALMA & 11TH AVE.,, 3 bdr. house, laundry
fac, 3 bath, F/P, yard, $1100/mo. 266-2636
UBC School of Music
Programs for the month of
September 7:
September 14:
September 21:
Paula Kiffner, cello
Geoffrey Michaels, violin
Robert Silverman, piano
"Rio", jazz trio
"Vetta", string quartet
with Wes Foster, clarinet
September 28:
Admission: $2.00
Cordon Cherry, trombone
with brass quintet
Unfortunately, the costs of providing this series of national and international
artists to the campus community has grown far beyond our limited budget. We
regret that the result must be a charge for. admission, the first in the forty-one year
history of the Wednesday Noon-Hours Series. We hope that our audiences will
recognize the quality of the musical performances available through this and
other series at the School of Music, and will continue to support us in our
For more information
call the School of Music at 228-3113
ARTIST, QUIET, WS, wants studio space in
Kerr/UBC area. Excellent refs. Good lighting and heated. 261-4565.
courses starting Fall '88. For further info
contact Montessori Elementary Foundation, c/o 6330 Sophia St., Van., B.C. V5W
PIANO LESSONS, classical. Evening. 228-
WANTED F/T DAY BUS, Host or Hostess,
exp. not necessary. Keen, outgoing, hard
working person, $5/hr. and benefits. Apply
in person Sat. Sept. 10th between 11:00
a.m.-Noon at Earl's, West 10th, 4397 W.
10th Ave.
PART-TIME! Looking for a dependable,
child-oriented person to work with our 7 &
10 year old boys on sports, nature-study or
science after school, 2-4 days per wk. 731-
5488 (eves.).
GREENPEACE - become a part ofthe solution. Outreach/canvass team. Positions
available nowl Salary and benefits. Call
James or Lachlan, ph. 736-0321.
Healthy Caucasian male (20-40 yrs.), smokers (1 pack/day for 5 yrs.) are needed for a
drug study involving drugs intake and blood
sampling. $210willbepaidforthecomplete
study. For info call Grace 228-6772.
PEN PAL CLUB! Free details. All ages
welcome. International Pen Friends, PO
Box 6261, Stn. "D", Calgary, AB T2P 2C8.
Barrister & Solicitor
#203 - 4545 W. 10th Ave., 228-1433.
avail. Sept. 1st for 3-5 yr. olds. Call 228-5343
or 738-6483 (eves.).
Accuracy, Brevity, Coherence in articles,
papers, theses, brochures. 8 years experience. Karl Bergmann, B.A., 261-0850.
85 ■ TYPING	
word proc. & IBM typewriter. Student rates.
Dorothy Martinson 228-8346.
YOUR WORDS professionally typed, fast &
reliable. Judith Filtness, 3206 W. 38th Ave.,
WORD PROCESSING, $2.00/dbl. sp. page,
MLA, APA, CMS, editing. Computer-Smiths, 3724 West Broadway at Alma,
TYPING, EDITINGr RESEARCH. No notice required resumes (same day service),
tapes transcribed. 327-0425 (24 hrs.).
Jewish Students Association/
Open House - Free
Refreshments. All day,
Hillel House.
Inter-Varsity Christian
First General Meeting. 12:00
noon, Arts I, Room 104.
Jewish Students Association/
Open house - free refreshments.
All day, Hillel House.
Jewish Students Association
Open House - Free Refreshments. 9:00 a.m. - 3:00
p.m., Hillel House.
I55I AMS *&
You bring your books in and
you assign the prices!!
Note: The AMS charges «15% handling fee on all books sold.
Receiving Books:
SUB 119
August 29th til
September 14th
8:30am - 6:00pm
Selling Books:
SUB 125
September 6th til
October 3rd
8:00am - 7:00pm
Retrieving Unsold Books:
SUB 119 & 125, October 4th til 8th ONLY 8:00am - 7:00pm
'?<% X9*3§|
Tues 6th
Wed 7th
Thurs Sth
Fri 9th
Sat 10th
Sun 11th
Mon 12th
South SUB Plaza
South SUB Plaza
No Minors
SUB Ballroom
Free Admission!
& Pepsi
South SUB Plaza
Jrresident s
Annual rail
War Memorial Gym
2:15 pm
Round Up
Mclnnes Field
Thunderbird Stadium
5:00 start
A Principle of Fun
Let's Play It
For the Children
African Benefit
Round Up
SUB Ballroom
Box Office
All Ages
$9.50 UBC
$10.50 Non-UBC
Doors at 8:00
(or religion,
if so inclined)
No cover
start 10:00pm
September 7,1988 NEWS
Fuel barge to
cruise beach
By Chris Brayshaw
A proposal to construct and
operate a fuel barge facility up-
river of Wreck Beach threatens
animal and human life, according
to local environmental groups.
The proposal, made by the
Vancouver Airport Fuel Facilities
Corporation (VAFFC), is currently before a federal environmental review.
"Over a million gallons of
highly-volatile, flammable, and
toxic jet fuel" will be barged from
Washington State each week, according to Judy Williams, chairperson ofthe Wreck Beach Preservation Society (WBPS).
Jet fuel is now delivered to the
airport by a pipeline owned and
operated by the Trans Mountain
Pipe Line Company.
Adrian Duncan, a spokesperson for the Environmental Protection Service, feels the VAFFC plan
is unneccessary.
"When the project was first
brought to our attention two years
ago, we informed them (VAFFC)
that, in our opinion, a safe and
effective fuel delivery system (the
Trans Mountain pipeline) already
existed," said Duncan.
Judy Williams agrees. "We're
not anti-jet fuel, we're just anti-
barge", said Williams, adding that
a pipeline is the most environmentally sound method of delivering
fuel to the airport.
But a Trans Mountain report
sent to a federal environmental
panel warns that, if the barge facility is built, "Vancouver refiner
ies might find it more economical
to barge jet fuel from Burrard Inlet
into the proposed Fraser River
facility thereby entirely bypassing
the jet fuel pipeline."
Williams said the project will
endanger human lives: "Between
ten and twelve thousand people
are on (Wreck) Beach on any
sunny weekend. Our biggest concern is their safety."
According to Williams,
VAFFC claims there is a one in ten
thousand year chance of a spill.
"We can't afford even that. Between January and June of 1986
there were six spills of jetfuel-Ain
Des Moines Creek near Sea-Tac.
That creek is now dead. All that's
left is brown froth."
Williams said an environmental impact study prepared for
the VAFFC by Acres International, a Vancouver-based engineering firm, is inadequate.
"Their worst-case scenario involves a spill across from
MacDonald Slough (the site ofthe
proposed barge facility). What's
going to happen if there's a spill
somewhere else - like abeam of
Wreck Beach?"
Jim Pipe, assistant to the
president of Trans Mountain Enterprises, also found the report
lacking. "With regard to Trans
Mountain Enterprises' pipeline
and security of supply, the Acres
report is inaccurate and misleading."
A VAFFC spokesperson declined comment. The proposal is
slated for a public hearing beginning the week of November 14th.
Vancouver's nude beach endangered by jet barge scheme
Library goes hi-tech
The UBC library system perked up its on-lin e information
system with $250,000 in terminals this summer, but the
library wants more—$1 million more.
"Probably one hundred terminals are necessary which
wmitd cost more than $1 million," said Bob MacDonald,
assistant university librarian for technical services.
A $250,000 grant from the advanced education and job
train_ngm_nistryfundedtheproject.ttSomeofthemoney went
to UYtc and SFU to install facilities in those universities,"
MacDonald said.
The bulk ofthe money Cat UBC) went to expand the libraries computer and install ten terminals," library information director Julie Stevens said.
"We have got to have at least as many if not more
terminals than fiche Cto phaseout micro fieheX*
While telereg guinea pigs suffer through the mayhem,
does anyone have the answer to the most relevant question roaming the campus this
week...WHERE IS TELEREG?! In a closet? A locker? Totem Park? B-Lot? Would it fit? Is it bigger
than a breadbox? Doesn 't the ambiguity disturb you? Ifyou find telereg, please tell us. We can "t
enjoy our twinkies until we know. For full details on the telereg nightmare contest, see page 17.
Amateur radio club receives
grant for VHF repeater
By Kathryn Macdonald
The B.C. Lottery Fund has
provided money to upgrade the
UBC VHF repeater which connected B.C. residents with relatives in tornado struck Edmonton
in 1987.
The UBC amateur radio
club's experimental repeater also
helped to save the life of a scout
leader injured while hiking in the
Olympia Mountains of northern
Washington State in 1987.
The repeater, an automatic
relay system for extending the
range of handheld radios, was
"nearing the end of its useful life,"
said a report by club president
David Michelson.
Originally built from surplus
parts by a group of fourth year
electrical engineering students,
the repeater sat on the roof of the
North tower of Walter Gage student residence since 1981.
"The upgrading will substan
tially increase the performance of
the existing repeater," Michelson
The club intends to use the
grant money to install a commercial grade repeater on the present
CITR, the UBC Radio Society
station, works in cooperation with
the club by helping fund club
equipment in return for reception
of BBC news, said CITR president
Linda Scholten.
They've changed it
You have been here before,
You know all about
registering, hey?
Old hat to you, hey?
Glad to help frosh get
through the ordeal the easy
way by buying your plan for
only fifty cents, hey?
Well it's all been changed.
Ho. Ho. Ho.
Under the new system
students will arrange their
time tables in the Buchanan
building before they pay fees
and complete registration
Officials have worked out a
number of standard programs
to speed registration of first
year students.
"In this way we hope to
avoid timetable clashes and
changes in courses after
registration," an official said.
The new system is an
attempt to eliminate the long
lineups and waiting periods
which characterized
registration in previous years.
Reprinted from The Ubyssey,
September 16, 1958.
How much have things
really changed in the last
thirty years?
September 7,1988
During the month of September, save between 16% and 33%
on all calculators and accessories.
Come to the Bookstore for more details.
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An advanced scientific calculator with 32K bytes of
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Flexible graphics: store,
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High level, structured programming.
An RPN scientific
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statistics with linear
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Comes with a protective
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A super scientific, 194-
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capabilities. The 8-KB
memory allows storage
and recall of up to 5,120
program steps.
EL-733 »*50*
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An advanced financial
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Safe Guard. Computes
financial values required
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statistical mode.
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70 functions with 39
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TI-36 SLR noJ31% Reg $39 95
An advanced 10-digit
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New solar-cell technology
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A scientific calculator for
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September 7,1988 NEWS
Off the summer wire: what happened
while you were at the beach
Clippings from The Summer Ubyssey
New U in Prince George
An independent group lobbying for a new university in Prince
George has received funding from
one department of the provincial
government but a slap in the face
from another.
The Interior University Society (IUS) was given $100,000 from
the Economic Development Ministry in the region and has hired a
Swedish consultant to study the
feasibility of a university specifically designed to meet the needs of
the North.
Grads fight for control
The Graduate Student Society is prepared to do whatever is
necessary to retain control of its
student center.
GSS president Robert Beynon
is concerned about a suggestion to
convert the center's penthouse
suite into a Board of Governors
and Senate meeting room.
Meanwhile, a proposal to
develop a new infant care facility
in the graduate center is stumbling through a simmering jurisdictional dispute between the university administration and the
Graduate Student Society.
The GSS cannot implement
the proposed ground floor daycare
because, while the GSS manages
the grad center, the university
owns the building and must endorse the plans.
Graduate   student   society
past president Phil Bennett, who
developed the daycare proposal in
January 1987, saiditifunethical,
if not illegal" for the university,
rather than graduate students, to
decide how the grad center will be
UBC & SFU bus it
Both the UBC and Simon
Fraser University Student Councils are lobbied for a students'
concession card that would allow
full-time post-secondary students
to use the transit system at a reduced rate, but the question of who
will pay for such a program remains unclear.
But, B.C. Transit won't offer
concession farecards for post-secondary students unless another
body provides the funding.
"We provide transit, not subsidies," said B.C. Transit official
Diane Gendron. She added students aren't the only special interest group asking for reduced fare
"B.C. Transit is not in the
business of redistributing income." she said, adding student
transit subsidies should be paid
for by the Ministry of
Education,the AMS, or by grants.
Longley takes aim
A new federal party aimed at
taking advantage of a tax-loophole
which lets contributors decide
where their money goes has been
launched in the UBC community.
The newly created Student
Party already has 17i5 members
and is in the process of being confirmed in accordance with the
Registrar of Elections' requirements for granting the party registered political status, said its
founder, one-time Rhinoceros
Party member, and longtime UBC
rabble rouser, Blair Longley.
The Student Part/ is unique
because it allows average citizens
to regain.controLof the first $500 of
income tax they would normally
give to revenue Canada.
Systems on trial
Two years after filing a complaint of racial discrimination
against Systems nightclub, UBC's
Chinese Varsity Club finally got
its day in court.
Geers called sexist
Two female UBC engineering
graduates lodged acomplaint with
the BC Council of Human Rights
over the sexist content ofthe Engineering Undergraduate Society
(EUS) newsletter.
Charlene Bahry and Anya
Keefe alleged that the February
1987 issues of the "nEUSletter",
which all engineering students
must pay for through their $18
EUS fees, contained material that
discriminates against women.
We just felt it wasn't material
fit to be published. If anyone out
side ofthe university tried to publish it, it wouldn't be allowed," said
TRIUMF triumphs
UBC's TRIUMF facility will
soon be spitting out nifty subatomic particles from an expensive
kaon factory thanks to a wide
range of recent financial commitments.
"We need $571 million all
together/' said TRIUMF director
Erich Vogt, adding that approximately one third of that could
come from international investors.
Japan, Germany, Italy and
the United States have all expressed interest in financing the
"unique world facility" said Vogt.
He expects the final go ahead to be
given "a )'ear from now."
The UBC campus post-office
Station "U", was on the chopping
block according to local postal
union president, Marion Pollack.
"We haven't been told anything formally yet by Canada Post,
but we've heard it through other
members that the station will be
closed," said CUPWs Pollack.
"Canada Post typically waits until
the n'th hour until they make
these things public anyway," she
Docs cure Bill 41
"It's a great day for myself and
all the young doctors who had put
their life on hold," said Dr. Peter
Wilson following the B.C. court of
appeal's decision to strike down
Bill 41.
Bill 41 restricted access to
billing numbers, preventing
young graduating doctors to bill
for their services and set up practices in areas of their choice in B.C.
"It's also a great day for the
medical system and everyone who
uses it, because now people can see
the doctor of their choice, and not
the government's choice," said
UBC medical graduate Peter
Baby bonus
Students with children will
receive a bonus from the ministry
of social services this fall, but only
some students will be able to take
advantage ofthe increase.
Student parents, who have no
employment income and are attending a post-secondary institution, will be expected to pay $i50
less towards daycare costs as of
September 1.
The washrooms in the student Union Building are graced
with new toilet paper dispensers.
"The new dispensers will save lots
of money," said AMS comptroller
Gerry Wan, with a smile.
ffiptmrds andmws
udik suff&s kd
Chadoutour sdkdtons
ondtnrrfbm spowds
Your Campus Drugstore
• B.C. Tel Payments
• Stamps
5754 UNIVERSITY BLVD. VAN. B.C. 224-3202
C(in the Village one block east of S.U.B.)
Prescription Service: Mon. - Sat. — 9 am to 10 pm / Sun. 12 noon to 8 pm
September 7,1988
THE UBYSSEY/5 Casio solar scientific
With these three calculators,
Casio continues to give students
and professionals the most features
and functions for the fewest dollars.
Lesson 1: Our FX-451M
gives you 132 total functions, including binary, octal and hexadecimal
calculations and conversions. At
the touch of a key, it provides you
with 13 commonly used physical
constants like the speed of light,
Planck's constant and atomic mass.
It gives you 16 metric conversion
functions too, as well as a 10 digit
display with 10 digit mantissa plus 2
digit exponent for greater accuracy.
And because the fruits of your
hard work are worth saving, we've
added a feature called Solar Plus™.
Not only does it let you work in
low—or no—light situations, it keeps
the memory functioning, even with
the power off.
Lesson 2: Our less expensive FX-115N also features Solar
Plus and a 10 digit display with 10
digit mantissa plus 2 digit exponent.
It offers you 116 functions, including statistics and computer math
calculations, and it even calculates
Both our FX-451M and
FX-115N come with a handy,
comprehensive application book.
Lesson 3: Our most economical solar scientific, the FX-300,
boasts 71 functions, an accurate 8
digit display, with 6 digit mantissa
plus 2 digit exponent. It features
statistics, permutations, combinations and convenient engineering
Before you take Science 1 or
1001, take a lesson in economics
from Casio's FX-451M, FX-115N,
and FX-300. You'll be amazed, not
just by how much they can do, but
by how little they'll do it for.
Where miracles never cease
Casio, Inc. Consumer Products Division: 570 Mt. Pleasant Avenue, Dover, NJ 07801
Casio Canada Ltd., 2100 Ellesmere Road, Suite 240, Scarborough, Ontario M1H3B7
September 7, 1988 ENTERTAINMENT
.  j  ?..   ,   .,     t  t     .tr,
Tracy Brooks, Hip Type's femme fataie
Get hip at the Railway
By Sheila West
Plunging through the portals ofthe
Railway Club last Thursday night,
one could not help but notice the xeroxed
silhouette of a writhing belly dancer
plastered in poster form up the staircase.
Boldy lettered, "The Hip Type....and
Serita", these posters heralded the
unlikely duo of acts appearing that night;
a band claiming to be hip and a woman
who undulates for a living.
Hip Type at the
Railway Club,
September 1st
Signing the famous Railway Club
Guest Book below all the other aliases,
pseudonyms and assorted scurrilous adaptations of celebrity titles, I entered
what was a fairly packed house. Avoiding
the black-clad people at the bar talking
about astrology and pottery, I settled in
behind what appeared to be a tame group
of persons. little did I know these were
not only Friends Of The Band but also LIBRARIANS. Librarian groupies? A belly
dancer? I decided to invest in yet another
beer to aid my interpretation of these
wildly varying variables.
Arising from amongst the crowd, the
band casually congregated on the stage to
the raucous applause ofthe living library.
The Hip Type have been around for a few
years now and make occasional appear
ances in local band havens like the
Railway. Their music ranges from pop/
punky, great for thrashing about on the
dance floor, to your more heartfelt and
serious stuff at which point you can
return to your drink, watch and listen to
the slightly sarcastic lyrics. In fact, most
people did just that—watched and
Lead singer Tracy Brooks' femme fa-
tale dance moves, expressive face and glittering gold stretchy outfit made for some
fine, visually diverting moments. The
music emphasized vocals for the most
part, Tracy's low and sultry tones combining with bass player Erica's higher
harmonizations. Girl group meets punk.
But what about Serita? After the
first set, scratchy strains of Middle
Eastern music were detected rising above
the crowd noise. Glazed with sheer
drapery and sequins, Serita wafted in on
a stray desert wind that seemed to
emanate from the Ladies Room from
which she emerged.
She held the crowd spellbound by balancing a filled glass on her head while
simultaneously executing a pulsing limbo
backbend. Later on, back in the Ladies',
Serita revealed her background as a Polynesian dancer at Disneyland and told us
(on request) how she washed her outfit.
This was definitely a night of new
The Hip Type and Serita are highly
recommended for your next scheduled
evening of debauchery.
The Shouting Stage
marks a revolution
By Katherine Monk
Joan Armatrading is nearly a legend,
but unlike most legends in music,
Armatrading constantly changes her
sound, style, and approach. The Shouting
Stage, Armatrading's latest album, is one
more crystal in a kaleidoscopic career
which has brought widespread recognition, if not overwhelming fame and
Joan Armatrading
The Shouting Stage
A&M Records
The Shouting Stage follows Sleight of
Hand and The Key, which took many
Joan fans a bit off-guard. The tunes were
metallic, pulsing, and even a little
corrosive. A song like "The Dealer" was
far away from the mellow harmonies of
songs like "Willow" and T*ove and
Affection." The Shouting Stage, like
Sleight of Hand, may take a few listens,
but the album's integrity eventually
shines through in epiphanic style.
The album starts off with "The Devil
I Know," a funked up beat with a blues
feel, telling the story of yet another
woman watching her man go astray.
"Living For You" and "Stronger Love"
were the record company's picks for
singles (as if an album could have a hit
single before its release) —but "Words"
has its own appeal, especially with the
drums of Manu Katche, who usually
percusses for Peter Gabriel.
As always, Joan has a long list of
back-up musicians which reads more like
a who's who in pop music than mere liner
notes. Some of the notables include Mark
Brzezicki from Big Country, Pino Pal
adin, from Paul Young's band, and Dire
Straits alumni Alan Clark and Mark
Knopfler, who flourishes his magic strat
in "Did I Make You Up?" and the title
track "The Shouting Stage". Clearly,
Armatrading commands enough respect
to get the best.
The move from Adrian Belew's
Marshall-amp-with-a-power-surge style
on The Key to Mark Knopfler's sensuous
pull-offs is more than pandering to the
sound of the day, it marks a return to a
sense of harmony. The harsh discordances are gone, and the synths have
turned to saxes. But Armatrading still
uses some ofthe weirdest chords ever to
slap popular plastic.
Most ofthe songs, in true Armatrading style, talk about love which never
seems to be going right. Armatrading
says she doesn't write about herself
exclusively, which is a good thing, because
anyone who had personally seen this
much heartache wouldn't have enough
energy to lift a shreddie to a waiting lip,
let alone write beautiful songs about pain.
The Shouting Stage differs from her
past albums in that she uses a little more
bass and funk—but the intensity of a time
artist still remains, and she includes two
songs which are timelessly Joan: haunting vocals that seem to come from
somewhere other than the usual vocal
chords, and a slow, thinking beat.
The Shouting Stage, arriving in the
wake of Tracy Chapman's recent success
(Chapman is often compared to the early
Armatrading), marks a complete revolution in Armatrading's career. She has established herself as a standard by which
others are measured. Providing Armatrading continues to evolve and products
music, she will be an infinitive in every
Carry your bargains home
and use it later as a letter or legal file
Come to the UBC Bookstore,
buy an Oxford Unibox at our low,
low price and fill it with all your
back-to-school needs at our
special back-to-school prices.
School supplies, office products
calculators, typewriters, pens,
backpacks, arts & graphics
supplies, gifts and much more
are on sale now —
while stocks last!
6200 University Boulevard • 228-4741
September 7,1988
Student Card
Register at any Fogg U Campus Now!
ph 73 BEERS
ph 87 BEERS
ph 683-BEER
8:30am to 10:00pm
• Full Service Laundromat & Dry Cleaners
• Fully Attended
• Bulk Dry Cleaning $1.75 per lb. (2lb min.)
• Professional Dry Cleaners; Reasonable Prices
• Lots of Free Parking
"Watch for our Money Saving Specials"
4410 Dunbar Street (at 28th) 734-9663
you wearing
To all
AMS Clubs and Service Organizations
SEPT. 21-23, 1988
To book a display booth, AMS Clubs and
Service Organizations must pick up an application form from SUB Room 238 and return
it by 4:00pm Wednesday Sept. 14,1988.
Terry Edmunds wankers a mean wailin' guitar
Local bar band boogies
or: What I did Friday night because of the TV writers strike
By Giles Gysel
If you're fed up with watching Star Trek reruns
for the umpteenth time or engrossing yourself in
those steamy Knowledge Network Documentaries
on the sex life of goats, now is a perfect time to roll
that potato off the couch and start checking out
some ofthe new bands playing around town. After
all, being hip, chic, reasonably intelligent bohemian
types, this is our moral duty, isn't it? Yeah
right...just don't touch my remote control or you're
dead meat, geekfuck.
Terry Edmunds Band
Sept. 2nd, Town Pump
And so the moronic swill-like status of TV
brings me to the Town Pump, where the Terry
Edmunds Band is playing. A veteran of several R &
B outfits, the Halifax-born singer/guitarist's present incarnation has been playing locally only a few
months, but has already built a large and loyal fol
lowing. Sharing centre stage with saxophonist Kurt
Lybarger, Edmunds kept the dance floor packed all
night long with his bluesy vocals and tasteful guitar
work, while the airtight rhythm section of drummer
Adam Dryke and Adam "A Train" Brynton (formerly
ofthe Payolas) never missed a beat.
The band played a gamut of styles, switching
from R & B to rockabilly, funk and rock 'n' roll with
relative ease, mixing originals and more obscure
boogie tunes with standards such as "Voodoo Chile"
and "Johnny B. Goode". Throughout the show, the
band played with the energy, style and personality
that separates a great pub-rock band from those godawful big-hair/spandex groups.
Dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans a la George
Thorogood, Edmunds is a pristine example of the
unpretentious, honest, no-holds-barred rock 'n' roll
that so readily lends itself to a night of beer-quaffing
and sweating on the dance floor.
If this is you, check out Terry Edmunds. Hell be
playing around town a lot more in the near future.
And remember, Moonlighting fans, Maddy is now 18
months pregnant. Nothing, not even basic human
biology, is impossible in the mondo mind vacuum of
the TV universe. Set phasers on kill, Mr. Spock.
Fries Are
s Free!
Show us your student card and you'll receive a
complimentary order of regular fries with any
purchase everytime you visit
one of these McDonald's®
41st Avenue at West Boulevard
West Broadway at Blenheim Street
Please present student card before ordering. No c _h value. Offer expires April 30, 1989
September 7.1988 ENTIRMHSf^iNT
■^■?^. A'F
Sensual Ferry caresses
hip Coliseum crowd
By Chris Wiesinger
Bryan Ferry didn't rock the Coliseum on Monday night, he made love to it. Despite the notoriously poor acoustics of the hockey arena, the
ever-professional Ferry managed to recreate the
sultry sounds he has spent sixteen years cultivating
on twenty solo and Roxy Music albums.
Bryan Ferry at the
Pacific Coliseum
Monday, Sept. 4th
Ferry opened the show on a stage bathed in a
lush, tropical green, his two percussionists Andy
Newmark (drums) and Steve Scales (percussion—of
Talking Heads fame) setting the tempo for Bete
Noir's "Limbo". The audience sat in awe of Ferry's
sound: this was not a feat of studio magic, this was
Ferry's deep, sexy voice caressed the ears; his
three back-up vocalists provided contrast; two guitarists, Jeff Thall and Neil Hubbard, added licks to
increase the tension and excitement; Clifford
Carter's keyboards hummed with pleasure, and
Luico Hopper's bass provided a steady backbeat.
Ferry eased into "Slave to Love", a track written
for the steamy 9 1/2 Weeks. Like his music, Ferry
flowed across the stage, moving slowly and purposefully like a tiger stalking prey. His motion—very
ritualistic—added to the fullness of the carefully
crafted music, and the stage set, replicating what
could perhaps have been the steps of an Aztec
temple, added jungle humidity to the aura.
Stylistically, Ferry was true to the way he has
presented his material on vinyl. Normally, this
might be cause for criticism—rock bands are expected to improvise and perform variations on their
material. But Ferry's material seems so meticulously crafted, each soft percussive moment so crucial to the success ofthe total sound, that to attempt
variation might destroy the ambience ofthe moment.
There were, however, moments which allowed
for spontaneity from Jeff Thall's guitar—just when
you began to marvel at the controlled and calculated
guitar work, Thall would explode into bursts of
energetic sound, giving the music its climaxes.
Highlights included a scorching rendition of
"Kiss and Tell," a fast and crisp performance of "Love
is the Drug," and a moving encore of "Aval on," during
which Ednah Holt was applauded several times for
her riveting backup vocals.
What ultimately proved Ferry's coolness was
something that he didn't do. When he and his band
came back for the first encore, guitarist Hubbard
casually flung his sweaty towel into the screaming
throng at front stage centre, a typical rock star maneuver. Ferry too had a towel draped aroundhisneck,
but instead of throwing it, he used it as a prop for "Kiss
and Tell", keeping the audience in suspense as to
whether or not he would share his sweat. In testimony to his erotic aloofness, he didn't throw the towel.
And that is what makes Bryan Ferry cool.
The combination of repertoire, performance, and
mood can only be described as being something between sexy and erotic. Ferry's performance was an
awesome combination of substance and style, a truly
sensual experience.
ARTHUR ANDERSEN & CO. is seeking graduates for Vancouver and
all other offices of the firm. Candidates will be graduating in May 1989
and would ideally have most, if not all, 45 credit hours required by the
ICABC and be currently registered in the Commerce Faculty.
Submit an original or photocopy of your UCPA form and most recent
transcripts (resume optional) by September 29 to the Canada
Employment Centre on campus. All resumes will be acknowledged.
You will be contacted on or about October 6 regarding campus
interviews which will take place during the week of October 17.
Additional information is available at the UBC Canada Employment
2300 - 1055 West Hastings Street
Vancouver, B.C.
V6E 2J2
(604) 688-8111
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And Wedding Cakes
Large Selection of Specialities on Order
Open Tuesdays to Sundays
3675 W.IOth Avenue
(Alma Place)
Vancouver, B.C.
Applications for Positions on the 1988/89
Are Now Being Accepted
The Security Team works Wednesday,
Friday, Saturday, and other designated days in
the Student Union Building. The Team is
responsible for assisting the Proctor in
protecting SUB from vandalism, aiding
security teams hired for any SUB function and
implementing SAC policy in SUB.
Application forms are now available in the
AMS Executive Secretary's Office, SUB Room
These positions are open to male and
female U.B.C. students.
4pm Wednesday September 14,1988
4544 West 10th Avenue
Vancouver 228-1181
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September 7,1988
THE      FKIEKDS     O I      T II _      V II l.     II O TA5I t. A 1      (. A K I) 1; N
\ i. i     p r o i   r i  n -«     i" o     r n v    c, a k d f n
T I!  !"  I. S 1) A V .       I' K I  1) A V  ,       SAT!' I.  I) A Y
s i; p t i: m it i: r    15.    16    &    17,    1 9 h h
i   _      S () O  \       I' N   !   I  I.      s      !' M       DAI  LY
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[ C S T      W F S T      C) T      T H V       I" H I1 N I) F H B I K I)      S TA D I V M
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Student Representatives
Nominations are invited for
Student Representatives to the
Faculty of Arts:
a) One, representative from the combined major, honours,
graduate, and diploma students in each of the
Departments and Schools of the Faculty of Arts.
b) Two representatives from each of the First and
Second year Arts.
Student representatives are full voting members in the meetings of the
Faculty of Arts, and are appointed to committees of Faculty.
Nomination forms are available from School and Department Offices,
the Dean of Art's Office, The Faculty Adviser's Office, and the Arts
Undergraduate Society Office.
Completed nomination forms must be in the hands of the Registrar of the
University not later than 4:00pm FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23,1988.
NOTE: In constituencies from which no nominations have been received by the
deadline, there will be no representation.
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The world according
to Cockburn
By Adam Jones
Most U.S. journalists float
through their careers
comatose, subsisting on a pallid
intravenous diet administered b^
"media relations" hacks at the
State Department. Then there is
Alexander Cockburn.
He prowls his turf like a
crow, attuned to the slightest
slimy wriggle of a worm below
the surface. A deft jab or two
and the offending creature is
hauled into the sunlight, there to
squirm for our amusement,
outrage — and edification.
Corruptions of Empire: Life
Studies & The Reagan Era,
by Alexander Cockburn.
Verso Press, $36.75
Cockburn has spent the last
decade and a half bashing out
columns and offhand observations for everyone from the Wall
Street Journal to House and
Garden. Noam Chomsky calls
him "a personal antidote to
media subservience and distortion," while arch-rightwinger
Norman Podhoretz assails him
for having "set a new standard of
gutter journalism" in the U.S.
Strong recommendations indeed.
Cockburn's main beat these
days, apart from a monthly spot
in the Wall Street Journal, is at
The Nation, where he writes a
column called "Beat the Devil."
Nothing there is sacred, be it the
crimes and deceptions ofthe
powerful, the foibles of fellow
leftists or the loose liberal
musings of The Nation itself.
Rumor has it that the paper's
editors would gladly cut him
adrift — but they know they'd
lose half their readers in the
"Corruptions of Empire," a
500-page compendium
of Cockburn's best
work over the last ten
years or so, will come
as a surprise to fans of
"Beat the Devil" or of
his syndicated political
column, "Ashes and
Diamonds." It's an extraordinarily diverse
collection. The first
half of the book includes a meditation on
Great Britain in decline as well as reflections on growing up in
Cockburn's wide-ranging mind latches onto
often unlikely topics,
working to draw out
unexpected common
themes and interrelationships. Most of
these pieces come
across like the erudite conversation of someone buttering toast
at the breakfast table. (That's a
compliment.) In the second half
of "Corruptions of Empire,"
though, Cockburn wipes off the
butter knife and goes looking for
dragons to slay. The remainder
of the book is a collage (an "archive," the author calls it) ofthe
most incisive, beautifully brutal
political journalism of the
Reagan Era.
The refreshing thing about
Cockburn's stuff is that he's too
goddamned impatient to abide
by conventional rules and
taboos. When dealing with
Cuba, for example, it's standard
for even left of center commentary to hedge its bets with a slew
of please-take-me-seriously
criticisms. This constitutes an
unstated, often unconscious
acceptance of the basic agenda
and terms of debate set by right-
wing commentary. Cockburn
has no time for it. "Compared
with almost every country in
Central and Latin America," he
proclaims, Cuba "is a haven of
economic stability, personal security, and cultural and intellectual
pluralism. ... After a quarter of a
century, the beacon ... remains as
powerful as it ever was."
Similarly subversive are his
thoughts on the furor over
alleged aid from Nicaragua's
Sandinista government to the
rebels in El Salvador. "Of course
external material support for
resistance in El Salvador should
be proudly proclaimed from the
rooftops, or would be in a rational
world not geared to Reaganite
political syntax. Supporters here
should not be putzing about with
medical-aid teams, but volunteering to form part of an International Brigade ready to carry
guns as well as bandages."
The appeal of these sentiments lies partly in their frank,
straightforward tone. But there
continued on page 11
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September 7,1988 continued from page 11
is also an element of— well,
playfulness in Cockburn's pieces:
the pleasure he takes in tearing
down preconceptions and pet as-
ouinptions as though The World
According to Alexander were
obviously the real world, end-
product ofthe only sane perspective possible. Of course, this is
usually the case. Witness
Cockburn on the destruction of
KAL 007:
- "You can say that the Russians were wrong to have shot
down the South Korean jumbo
jet and killed 269 snoozing passengers, but I still don't see that
this proves Russians enjoy
blowing up commercial airlines
or that every Soviet leader stood
a little taller in his boots the
next day and shouted, 'One, two,
three, many jumbos' into the
shaving mirror."
Cockburn also takes frequent lunges behind the scenes,
examining everything from the
psychology of Americans'
response to Colonel Qaddafi (the
Libyan leader serves as "a
youthful portrait of Reagan, the
aging Dorian Gray, embodying in
his eccentric person the old
actor's own characteristics") to
the word-processor craze ("Thus
is the mind industrialized")..
This is someone who can find a
profound sign o' the times in the
rise of pump toothpaste, "a
harbinger of Reagan's America,
newly erect. There on the washbasin is no longer the squeezed-
out tube of toothpaste, abject and
shrunken, but a puissant dildo,
some seven inches tall. When
the pump tip is pressed firmly,
the paste oozes from its nozzle.
The tube remains erect and
ample, no matter how often it is
The average journalist, according to Cockburn, faces a predictable fate: "Somewhere after
45, fear enters the soul." If so,
Cockburn himself, at 47, has just
entered the danger zone. So far
he is still fearless, and still indispensable.
Kinesis Dance
serves gourmet fare
By Alexandra Johnson
White Breakfast was not a
feast. It did not overwhelm with excess. It was
rather a morning meal offering
the familiarity of basics in a
post-dream atmosphere of semi-
reality. The fare both immediately gratified and lent itself to
slow digestion and the distribution of constant, necessary
Kinesis Dance's
White Breakfast
August 31 to September 3
The 'meal' was set in the
padded-room sterility of a white,
fabric-draped set. There an
eccentric music therapist pulled
instrumental strings to draw out
the neurotic secrets of his four
patients, themselves professional
therapists. Like a puppeteer he
worked quietly in the background as we watched the minds
of his puppets unfold.
On a sensory level the per
formance was electaic, moving,
funny, painful, real., surreal, unsettling - the emotion/motion of
mental/physical movement...
bodies tied to minds tied to
currents attached to music: an
atmosphere of fantasy and
analysis resting on basic human
insanities that were either amusingly or uncomfortably familiar.
The characters, demanding
from each dancer the revealing of
a complex personality in a unity
of dialogue and movement, lived
convincingly through their various painful revelations.
Daina Balodis, playing Alice
Little (the children's play therapist) ruled the stage as the
agressive, childlike 'Queen Alice',
revealing her secret anxieties.
Obsessed by the need to win, to
be right, to control, she coursed
through the balanced comedy/
tragedy of her reign over the
other characters in the play
therapy world of Alice in Wonderland. The almost hysteric,
erratic, musically controlled
motion, interrupted by willful
see White Breakfast page 16
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.bodies tied to minds tied to currents attached to music."
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September 7,1988
vmm»wmimm/rmw?ftf?p vs *rr •
Don't miss Brazil's
Subway to the Stars
By Martin Dawes
Subway to the Stars is a Brazilian
saxophone movie about transcendence.
Its protagonist is "an artsy-fartsy little
punk", to quote the no-nonsense cop in
charge of finding his missing girlfriend.
Eunice (Ana Beatriz Wiltgen) has
vanished after making love in a
junkyard, while Vina's tenor sax is busy
"making the sun rise".
Crowded Rio de Janeiro offers a
frightening array of explanations for
Eunice's absence, but Vina's pal Dreamy
takes a different perspective: "not
everyone gets raped or murdered in this
town...believe it or hot, some people do
escape." Dreamy casts himself as a New
Yorker, marijuana-murmering about the
"confetti of lights" and the beauty of
English slang.
Subway to the Stars
Directed by Carlos Diegues
Ridge Theatre
Vina seems well on his way to the
more attainable heaven of musical success
— but it is Eunice's fate which occupies
him now, as Milton Goncalves' cop drags
him through the city's many dens of
iniquity, the last places Vina expects to
find her. In frustration he goes to the
press, but they tell him his story lacks the
essential sensational ingredients. They
propose hinting that he murdered her
himself, and then revealing later that,
actually, he didn't.
And yet Vina is not in hell. For one
thing, there are no saxophones in hell; his
pained tenor sound seems to suggest an
overcoming; cathartic tears of music. And
then there are the helicopters: an angry
parting is broken by a strange otherworldly visit from a hovering, neon-clad
bird, which lights up their faces and
displaces their anger with its beauty.
Throughout the film helicopters act as
miracle-messengers, the beating of their
wings heralding their timely appearance.
Thus, while the film presents us with
the reality of life in Rio de Janeiro — its
slums, its mad TV addicts, its alcoholics,
its prostitutes — one is tempted to use the
term "magic realism", which often comes
up in South American literary criticism. A
sense of wonder is always present; the
camera's eye for beauty remains open
even in the most unlikely places; unexpected occurrences create understandings
between conflicting characters.
Guilherme Fontes turns in a subtle,
innocent performance as Vina, and
Wiltgen's Eunice manages the always difficult feat of being mysterious. This exceptional casting, as well as a superlative
musical score by Gilberto Gil, combine
with the visual wonders and the novelistic
scope of the characters' development to
produce a movie with no clear weaknesses.
Subway to the Stars brings a sense
of wonder - a wonder at the magic of the
real - and surely that is a most admirable
JSKp^^-V-- a ^
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September 7,1988 THREE PENNY OPERA
Film crucified
Jesus gets laid. Jesus goes
bald. Jesus the whoremonger. Jesus the adulterer. Jesus
the sinner. Jesus the psycho.
If nothing else, Martin
Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ can be said to be
ground breaking. This is not the
man from Nazareth of Scripture.
Scorsese focusses on the clashing
poles of flesh and spirit but
emphasizes the human element
ofthe Christ duality.
Expect the unorthodox:
screwy Disciples, a wimpy Peter,
an honorable and loyal Judas,
Jesus doing the crucifying. You'll
hear Jesus say things you won't
find in the Gospels, like admitting to cowardice and demonic
possession and expressing pity,
not love, towards humanity.
The first half of the film
drags. Willem Dafoe's Jesus is
unconvincing as the messiah,
made believable only by clumsy,
heavy-handed miracles, leper
imagery suppliedbyLife of
Brian, and gory special effects
sure to be loved by fans of
Indiana Jones and the
Temple of Doom.
With all the controversy that
surrounds this film, (theater boycotts, Church condemnation,
offers to buy and destroy all film
copies, .wcte. lines, attacks made
on the screens, etc.), the question
is "Why all the fuss?" Sects ofthe
Church and some Fundamentalists are crying defamation of
character. The more liberal
Christian branches have condoned, even encouraged, its
viewing as a forum for discussion. As cinema, your 2 1/2 hours
and six bucks can be better
spent, but the film does raise
some interesting issues.
One idea toyed with is that
Jesus' divinity was thrust upon
him by force. He wrestles with it,
trying to deny both who he is and
what he must become. We are
presented with a Christ who
sins; who, in an attempt to
refuse his destiny, collaborates
with the Romans and crucifies
the prophets foretelling his own
Jesus admits "I am a har. I
am a hypocrite. I am afraid of
everything. My God is Fear. Look
inside me; all you see is fear.
Lucifer is inside me." Scorsese's
sinning Jesus therefore cannot
be God until after he is purified
and accepts his call to divinity. It
is only after he embraces God
that he becomes fully God, fully
human, as defined by Christianity.
The modern analyst would
find this Jesus a disoriented,
paranoid schizophrenic. Confused, hearing voices and
footsteps, repeatedly calling out
in panic to deserted landscapes
"Who's _ol_o*ivirig xne? Wine's
there?!", suffering from fainting
spells, demonic migraines,
hallucinations and megalomania,
Jesus is not the picture of mental
Was Jesus a neurotic, yet
charismatic, madman? Not wanting to be God, in agony from
trying to cast off the terrible responsibility of saving all of
humanity, would not even the
sanest person have to loosen a
few of his or her screws to
accommodate GOD in a non-
elastic cranium?
The climax ofthe movie, and
the most problematic part, is
during the 'hallucination' Christ
has while suffering on the cross,
when he comes down and lives
out his life as a normal man. The
aged Christ is confronted with a
proselytizing Paul ranting about
the death and resurrection that
never came to be. Paul says to
Jesus "I created the truth out of
what people need...If I have to
crucify you to save the world, I
will...," arguing that his Jesus is
more powerful than the living
Jesus in front of him. The
Religion is more important than
the event; the myth ofthe
suffering Jesus Christ' being the
key to salvation, not the sacrifice
itself. Jesus is returned to the
cross at the dream's end, and the
traditional ending is restored,
but the role this film plays in
perpetuating and redefining our
Christian myth is now raised for
Unfortunately, this entire
scene is illogical. The hallucination is supposedly induced by
Satan who has, as promised
earlier, returned to tempt Jesus
one more time. If Jesus is
suckered, no salvation for
humanity. Why then would
Satan reveal himself at the
conclusion ofthe hallucination as
he does and defeat his own
The movie fails on several
levels; cinematically it's weak,
the dialogue is flimsy, dramatically it's not tremendously
powerful, and the plot is faulty.
But if you go to films for
interesting ideas to kick around
over a cappucino afterwards,
youll probably enjoy Last
Temptation. This is at least the
most iconoclastic movie of the
Biblical Epic Saga tradition, and
it's worth seeing if only to pass
that lone protester at the Park
with her "Vile Blasphemy" sign.
Willem Dafoe: All too human
Scorcese's film a cop-out
By Adam Jones
For anyone who has been
moved in head and heart
by the Christian myth, the real
failing of The Last Temptation of Christ is not the
portrayal of Jesus as a human
being, but the fact that his
humanity never seems particularly significant or dramatic.
Martin Scorcese et al. are
concerned to point out that the
film is based on Nikos
Kazantzakis book and not the
gospels. This is a cop-out. In the
central scenes where Jesus' message comes across, particularly
the Sermon on the Mount and
the stoning of Mary Magdalene,
the language is flat and unmem-
orable. This is because the script
blandly paraphrases well-known
passages from the gospels rather
than employing Kazantzakis'
passionate, and very eloquent,
That is defensible if the
underlying themes ofthe discourse are innovative and dramatic enough to rise above their
vernacular expression. But with
the twists and turns of Kazan-
takis' text sped up movie-style,
Jesus seems to be changing his
ideas and approach every five
minutes. (If I were a fundamentalist, this is what I'd attack.
There is no indication in the
Gospels, or even in Kazantzakis,
that Christ strayed wildly from a
gospel of love; but in the film we
scarcely hear the L-word again
after Christ has brandished his
axe in the Temple and scared the
bejesus out ofthe assembled
Nowhere do we get a picture
of what might have inspired
ragged fishermen in Galilee to
drop their nets and charge after
their perceived savior, sticking
by him even when he wasn't
making much sense. There is
little that is strikingly original or
even passably charismatic about
this Jesus.
The best scene in the film is
the confrontation between Jesus
and Pontius Pilate, played terrifically by David Bowie. It
conveys some ofthe intrinsic
drama ofthe encounter between
imperial authority and a Jewish
bum who is, as far as Pilate is
concerned, only the latest in a
depressingly long line of self-
styled, self-destructive messiah
figures. "Change through love,
change through the sword — it's
all the same," Pilate tells Jesus.
"We just don't want change."
The whole tone ofthe scene,
which is a private and low-key
affair compared with the raucous
Gospel equivalent, effectively
dispenses with cliche and, by
subverting our expectations,
makes us see the confrontation
and its significance afresh.
If the rest of the film had
taken the same tack it would
have stayed with me longer.
Proven director Martin Scorsese proves mortal after all
Saved by soundtrack
By Katherine Monk
Do you know what press-
board is? It's a lot of
wood pulp pressed into a solid
form, but it's not real wood. Can
you imagine Christ crucified to a
pressboard cross? Martin
Scorcese can. The Last
Temptation of Christ is a
pressboard movie.
This socially conscious director, the same well-intentioned
man who brought us blood and
big gut in Raging Bull, has now
passed his heavy hand to that
swell martyr who made us
change the calendar—you know
him, you love him— Jesus
All of a sudden, Scorsese
says he doesn't want his movie to
be misinterpreted. Tell me Mr.
Scorcese, is there such a thing as
bad publicity?
By engaging in a speaking
tour across North America,
Scorcese added Hollywood fat to
a junkyard fire, and contributed
to the whole media circus, if not
orchestrating it.
Why did he do it? If there's
one topic that's been overdone,
whipped, flogged, and beaten to
death, it's the life of Christ. But
for all the attempts, I have yet to
see a good movie about Christ's
life. How can you translate
godhead to celluloid? Marilyn
Monroe proved that vise versa
was possible, but really—the
other way around is probably the
hardest thing to do cinemati
All religious questions aside,
the movie was, quite simply, bad.
Kazantzakis wrote a pulp novel,
and now it has been made into a
pulp movie.
Prom a technical point of
view, the movie was so rushed in
production, it seems, that the
colour values change from scene
to scene. And maybe it was a
change in Christ's aura that
could account for the poorly
matched lighting from establishing shot to cutaway, or maybe it
was just sloppiness and a lack of
mobile generators on the isolated
Morroccan location.
These are not the only
lapses. In fact, there were so
many time lapsed shots I
thought I was watching an ad for
easy-off oven cleaner, instead of
Christ gathering disciples.
Peter Gabriel's soundtrack is.
the only redeeming thing about
this film—that, and the fact it's
made the fundamentalists angry,
but then again, what wouldn't?
But even Gabriel's angelic
soundtrack is a little too brassy
at points. When a swell in the
music is the only thing that cues
the viewer that a climactic
moment is on the screen, there is
something very wrong with the
pacing ofthe film.
So what is good about this
film? It lets people think about
what they believe, but only if
they want to. Ifyou want a kick
in the religious culottes, read
Paradise Lost.
September 7,1988
THE UBYSSEY/13 i   . -   -*     ,- * :v.\** * ^*><c*V&-*>* *■'    t «, -  v
tv *rnrVf/JJ JWf
,' *-
n» .hiWi *<■»■■■ ri riMiilori
MOUTH: Enter the Gates of UBC.
TEETH: Try not to let Financial Services take too big a bite.
TONGUE: Forked, and belonging to Strangway.
The place where all the cunning linguists should hang out.
SALIVA: The liquid that washes everything down. We call that beer.
BRAIN: Where? Where?
HAIR: The tangled, matted knot of student politics.
EYES: See dollar bills where you should see pupils.
EARS: CITR, of course.
SNOTS: Freshmen, blown away by the whole experience.
STOMACH: Classes. Here youll digest
amorphous gobs of knowledge.
ISTOMACH ACID: Administration and bureaucracy.
APPENDIX: Faculty Advisors. Thouroughly useless
ULCERS: Exams.
SMALL INTESTINE: 1st and 2nd years,
where you're just formless puke.
LARGE INTESTINE: 3rd and 4th years,
where you begin to take a shape.
CONSTIPATION: Opting for Honors, delaying
the making of little turds that come out denser.
SPHINCTER: That one final course you have
to pass to get through: the science requirement
for Arts majors, the ECT for Geers.
DEFECATION: Graduation.
Congratulations. Here's your   degree.
FECES: You, a little shit with a cap on.
Tlie body is an amazing
Thijnk of yourself as a pea in
wi-B^gr-Bat svucientr casseroie*
A %w of you will get spat
out| never making it past
registration. Some will
amazingly pass through
witjhout change, (Hke corn or
pea-nuts), unscathed by the
prcfcess* Hopefully youll
pag*s through the system
wejl digested.
By Martin- Dawes, Katherine Monk and Olivia Zanger
VOCAL CHORDS: Us, the Ubyssey, the student voice.
MUSCLES: Intramural Sports.
ARMPIT: Called The Pit, for short.
ELBOWS and KNEES: Joints, need we say more.
CANCEROUS TUMOR: The Zalm government.
CLOTHING:. External reality.
BLADDER: Filled with Time that you will piss away.
PENIS: The November student erections,
for the up and corning AMS member at large
ARTHRITIS: Student apathy.
PAIN IN THE ASS: Engineer's Week.
CELLULITE: Bad profs with tenure: there's just no way to get rid of them.
TOES: Totem Park, the most removed extremity on the body.
The Ubyssejy
Tuum Est
September 7, 1988 oionsi ■_>_*!
tbb£*£i§)   ON THE BOULEVARD
20% Discount
on any service
with presentation]
of this coupon
expires Sept 30th
5784 University Blvd.
hair removal
Phone 224-1922
From 5:15-5:30pm,
Sept. 9th-18th,
for In depth coverage
of the 4th Annual
Vancouver Fringe Festival.
CiTR fm 102
UBC Radio
En,mil.mi.il ' ' "I"1" "( '" ""	
White Breakfast
The University of British Columbia
FRBfflC WOOD Iffifira
by Atari Aydcb oura • directed by Spy Surette
SEFrm_8ER M-2*
Special Previews- Sepr 14 & 15
2. for the price of _ regular adimssKM.
Sat. Matinee - Sepi 24 at 2pm
Main Series (4 plays) $20
Sept 14 - 24
Nov 16-26
Jan 11 - 21
Mar 15 - 25
Mini Series (2 Plays) $10
Anouilh and Geo. F.Walker
Oct 11-15 Feb 7-11
Support Your Campus Theatre
Live Music
• Warren Nipp on Guitar,
playing Classical, Pop
and Jazz Favourites
September 7 & 21
• Gary D. Keenan Trio
Saxophone, Bass and Keys
September 14 & 28
Fireside Lounge
Graduate Centre
Wednesday 7-3 0 - 10:00pm
Free Admission
Non-members Welcome
Welcome Back
Beer Garden
Fellow Graduates
September 9, 4:30pm
Ballroom, Graduate Centre
Door Prizes ft Munchies
con^tinmdfromjmgell _______ _
tension familiar to anyone who
has ever fought against a
destructive force within their
own mind.
Capturing the same mental
energy, but without the relief of
comedy, was the unravelling of
Phyllis Carrera (Florentia Conway), the relationship and family
therapist. The stage was swallowed up by her extreme consciousness of her appearance and
image, manifested in a bolemic
obsession with food. Taunted by
the other dancers, Phyllis is
thrown back and forth by the
persuasive swell of the music as
the image of various foods is
presented to her. Her
mental pain is physically tangible as her
obsession drags her to
the point of humiliation and defeat.
turned a potentially
complex and overwhelming theme into
an appetizingly
straightforward performance. Describing
her experience with
the uncommon dance/
theatre demands of
the show, she writes
"It was an exciting
moment for me when
a word became
movement, and a
movement a spoken
word, and when
gesture and body lan
guage became a step
upon which to build
and stylize."
The initial slow-
paced movement and tendency
rescued by the cultivated
anticipation of the stark set. The
designers definitely lost points,
though, with the prominent
addition of a heavy knotted rope
strung floor to ceiling at the
right front ofthe stage. The prop
was distracting and far too
obvious considering the lack of
attention it received in the performance. Better that it should
have been left out entirely.
As a whole, however, and as
meals go, White Breakfast easily
bordered on gourmet fare and is
comfortably left, with compliments, to the Kinesis Dance Society.
Daina Balodis as Queen Alice
Medical J
your lips.
• If you are occasionally bothered by cold sores or fever blisters (chapped lips and cracked mouth
comers don't count)...
• If these sores feel tingly or itchy and then pop up at the edge of your lip...
•If they look blisteiy...
• If you are healthy, over 16, and unquestionably not pregnant...
• Ifyou wish to participate in a study of a new cream treatment called undecylenic acid...
• If you don't mind that the study is "Placebo-controlled" (1/2 of the entrants get a "fake" cream with
no active drug)..;
• If you would accept a $50 honorarium after completion of 6 to 8 study visits to the UBC Herpes
Clinic or Vancouver General Hospital...
• Then follow these instructions as soon as possible. Do not wait for blisters or sores to form. CALL
687-7711 NOW and ask the operaterfe page beeper 2887 (give your name and a phone no. you will
be available at for the next 10-15 min). If it is after 5 pm, it is too late to do the study this recurrence,
so hold on to the paper and call next time if before 5 pm.
Sessional course books may be returned (accompanied by the original
receipt) for full refund any time up to the following session deadlines:
Fall session SEPTEMBER 23, 1988
Winter session JANUARY 20, 1989
Spring session MAY 13,1989
Summer session JULY 15,1989
Books must be unmarked and in saleable-as-new condition. After
the respective deadlines all course books will be non-returnable.
Returns will normally be accepted up to 10 days from date of purchase,
when accompanied by sales receipt.
No returns on sale items, special orders, electronic and computer
goods, lined shorts, bathing suits and swimming accessories.
The Ubyssey mnts
your Teiemg Nightmare.
tie toov they're out there. Jio svstem is foolproof.
if it's taten you longer than tw hours in a phone booth to
pet through,
if it arbitrarily cancelled your tealstiation,
If you maisteredas someone else,
Drop off a short written account of your niahtmaie tn
The Ubyssey 5U£> 2MK Vi£ corneh.
Yfe'ltprint the test of the w/stofthem.
Testify our skeptfcisa. if ate our day.
For the past 11 years
the same management has
been proud to serve U.B.C.
Faculty, Students and Staff
Dry Cleaners and
University Martinizing
2146 Western Parkway
UBC Village
Other Location:
False Creek Dry Cleaners
657 Moberley Road
September 7,1988
ta Neigfiboioo. Quality Computer Store
37371st 10th Avenue (604) ZZZ-Z3ZB
Back To School Specials
Turbo XT System 640K, 2 floppy, DOS 3.21, color/mono
Turbo 286 System 6/10 Mhz, 640K, 1.2 meg FDD,
monitor, I/O, ATI Graphics Sol., DOS 3.3, monitor
Roland PR-1012 printer w/cable
Fujitsu DL 3400 printer w/cable
Special Discount For UBC Students
Please drop by or phone for quote on other equipment
$1,000 SAYS WE'VE
Because you
need hard cash
for falls fees,
rent or whatever,
complete the coupon or
one like it in our
restaurant and drop it in
the barrel, no purchase
required. On Sept 30, if
your name is drawn, you
can produce a U.B.C.
card and anwser a skill
testing question, you will
have One Cool Grand to
spend exactly as you
the Umbertino's $1,000
Postal Code.
Student No.
Call us at 731-3232
for all the details
We've got big plans
for UBC.
This is just the beginning
Taken from th* complete venial cf the fifth draft of the Minion
Statement, printed in UBC BeporU, 34:12, June 23. "Thii ie not to
ba read in place ofthe original text Thii ii only a etudjr aid.
Prologae: Letter of Tr_-_n__ttal
The author ofthestatement, and first-person protagonist President David Strangway, opens up the eighty-three
page oeuvre with a letter to the antagonist, the honourable
minister of advanced education and job training, Stanley B.
Rising Action:
The diehard warrior for quality education, suave
Dave tries to persuade the nasty legion ofsocial credit fund-
slashers that education is an investment, not an expense.
Strangway asks for increased access for all British Columbians, as long as they are the kind of people who leave
once the parly's over, and will carry on to do great and
wonderful things, "only those students who have a high
probability of succeeding* (p.l, section 2).
Strangway, as the penultimate host, wants to invite
people from aH walks of Hfe to his bash, especially people
with neat and exotic accents, (see Noam Chomsky, and the
prestige factor in language acquisition.)
Conflict: Man against Man: Man against the Socreds.
If the battle weary David does not get enough money
entertaining his guests, he says that he will be forced to get
the Coca-cola company to donate the refreshment.. But
that doesn't mean that his guests have to drink Coca-cola.
"For many years we have had a very successful industry
liason program.* (p.l, section 13)
Brave Dave screams one last call of defiance at the end
ofthe prologue, before the story ofthe mission begins: "We
must be given every incentive to fulfill the role of being one
of Canada's premier universities, fully competitive with the
best internationally. We must be funded adequately to
achieve this goal." (p.l, finale)
CUa___- The Mission begins.
Brave Dave leaves on his mission, and must remember
key paints as he ventures out onto the cruel seas of bureaucracy, Sunday brunches with plastic smiles, and of course,
sanitary toilet seat covers. These are some of the thingB
which he must not forget on his voyage.
-establish degree prugrama at affiliate colleges: Okanagan, Cariboo, and New Caledonia.
-UBC programs should work towards modernization
and adaptability to the world outside the great gates of the
land of UBC.
-UBC should remain a research intensive university.
-promote the policy of tenure, so that professors feel free
to speak out on the issues.
-students should not increase in number, but stay the
-update student support services
-develop university lands for money, including a hotel.
•find place for the homeless books in the library.
•computerize all facilities.
-pander to alumni for money.
-build bridges between the humanities and science.
-expand the breadth and scope of tbe curriculum.
-encourage specialization in fields of study.
-constantly review programs of study so that thay are
-remember that education is the ultimate purpose.
Theme: Education is what makes us better than our
knuckle-walking ancestors, and Homo sapiens sapiens has
come too far to let Dutch men with capped teeth throw us back
into the not-so-happy days of hunter-gathering and atl-atls.
With this Coupon
Expires October 1/88
Valid Wed & Thurs Only
751 Thurlow Street Res. 688-7013
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TUNE-UP SPECIAL     $ 24.99
• Adjust Gears
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• 10% off regular priced accessories
• 5% off regular priced bicycles & helmets
(must present valid students card)
• Broadway 620 E Broadway
• Kerrisdale 6069 W Boulevard
• 10th & Alma 3771 W 10th Ave
•Downtown 1876 W Georgia
Adjust Brakes
Safety Inspection
124 hour Service
Dimer Specials
Coffee's . Sped. Drinks
• Licensed*
Located n the back of the vitage
on Campus
Hrs.    10am - 11pm Mon-Sat
10am - 10pm Sun
■livery on slock items)
* SPORTS JACKETS   $25.00 ea
' NYLON SHELLS       $19.50 ea
'POLO SHIRTS      $17.00 ea
' BASEBALL CAPS      $6.50 ea
PRICE  INCLUDES:  Direct Swiss Embroidery onto
garments    or    accessories,    with    faculty/staff    or
department/club names .     layout S set up   .    name
bars & chenille crests by quotation
i Based on 25 pieces ■■
Call: (Ask for Kenneth) 876-0828
- Mon-Thurs   10 am to 5 pm -
Only at
Wild Elephant's Foot Soup
(when _v____tale)
September 7,1988 SURVIVAL GUIDE
UBC direction revealed in Mission Statement
For the benefit of students
who did not attend summer
session, the following is
reprinted from the July 6
issue of The Ubyssey.
By Katharine Monk
The lack of financial support
from the provincial government
has made it impossible for UBC to
maintain quality in education and
provide places for an increasing
number of students, according to
UBC president David Strangway.
"We are more poorly funded
than the rest of Canada. We aren't
getting enough support for what
we are doing. In fact even to do
what we will be doing, we will have
to get more support on a per student basis,'' said Strangway in an
interview Thursday.
The president's comments
follow the release of the mission
statement - a policy paper and
blueprint for the direction of the
university over the next five years.
The statement emphasizes
UBC's role as an international
institution, and calls for an increase in graduate level students
and closer ties with industrial
The mission statement has
attracted public attention because
the media has taken the startling
parts of it out of context, said
"There are a lot of things ,hat
have been talked about that aren't
in the report," said Strangway.
But Strangway said bringing
the plight of post-secondary education to attention of the public is
more important than how he has
been represented in the media.
"Everything (in the media)
that says we shouldn't be this kind
of research intensive, international class university - we already
are this kind of university. We're
just reaffirming it," said Strangway.
But Strangway said the only
way for UBC to remain competitive as a world-class institution in
the years to come is through a
continued emphasis on research
and development.
"Through research and development UBC has already created
seventy spin-off companies which
do close to $250 million worth of
business a year. If BC is going to be
in the modern world it must have
this kind of research intensive
university," said Strangway.
But Darlene Marzari, New
Democrat education critic and
Point Grey MLA said the mission
statement is nothing more than a
srrvival technique in the face of
Marzari said the university
has sold-out to the interests of
ir dustry.
"UBC will become nothing
m> re than a place to invest as a tax
write-off- where corporations can
own the knowledge and get cheap
labour at subsidized costs," said
B Lit Strangway di smissed any
allegations of selling-aut and catering to business interests by
pointing out that industry funded
research is carried out at major
universities around the world.
"We're a long way from tailor-
made programs for industry in
BC. I guess you'd have to decide
whether Princeton has sold-out, or
some of these places. I don't think
so," Strangway said.
Strangway said he had no
problems with cooperating with
business as long as UBC students
had a chance to participate in the
"What would become a problem is if we decided to develop
things which would be proprietary
or classified because there is industry involvement. Our strength
is to put it out in the open," said
But Marzari said the university will turn into a place for research dollars at the cost of an
accessible education to undergraduate British Columbians.
President Strangway denied
any reduction in accessibility and
maintained that the university
has always had a selection policy.
Dismissing recent media reports that the university will be
concentrating on high school
grades, Strangway said that
grades are not mentioned once in
the eighty-three pages ofthe statement.
"I realize all the emphasis has
been placed on our decreasing the
numbers. There is no decrease in
accessibility. Ifyou read the statement, we are keeping the same
number of students," said Strangway.
"We are being somewhat more
selective, because we now have a
twenty percent drop-out rate in
some of our programs - we don't
think that is particularly effective.
In brief, we want students here
who are likely to succeed in this
type of environment," said Strangway.
"The average British Columbian does face decreased chances,"
said Strangway.
"We are reducing the number
of undergraduate places by four or
five hundred, and we are increasing the number of students who
want to continue on at the advanced level. But there are 15,000
fewer university students in BC
than there should be if we were to
have the same number as in other
parts ofthe country," said Strangway.
"Us decreasing the number of
undergraduates by four hundred
does not affect the 15,000 students
who have no place to study," said
At Mark's Work
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2674 West 4,h Ave.      736-2678
Book Ufattttl
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phont: 224-6856
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- Mon-Thurs   10 am to 5 pm -
9d.on.tt Cristo
^staurant •'Patisserie
In 'Kerrisdale
ZlOS^est 40th
(Just Off of'West 'Boulevard)
'Vancouver's Jinest Pastries
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Available "Jorfust $2.49
9pm —12 midnight
don't Miss It!
September 7,1988
THE UBYSSEY/19 Guided Tdurs
Student Centre
1pm in the Foyer
Wednesday.September 7th
Thursday, September 8th
Monday, September 12th
... see you there
Catch a pelce ol Thnderbtrd
Write sports tor The Ubyssey.
Get famous Just tor knowing
me rules.
Productions include:
Jacques and his Master by M. Kundera
Yerma by Garcia Lorca
Henry IV Part 1 by William Shakespeare
Zastrozzi by George F. Walder
The Braggart Soldier by Plautus
another full-length play
and 8 one-act plays to be announced
207 PREDERIC \F°D OfflCE bUILDIHO 226-3660
'Birds at their best: last year's Shrum Bowl victors steve chan photo
T-Birds to meet SFU
in revived Shrum Bowl
Living up to last year's victory ...
2nd Annual
Aug 24 to Sept 30
celebrating with many in store specials on
name brand athletic footwear...
3504 WEST 4TH AVE 732-4535
10% Discount on regular price items to students, staff and faculty.
By Deanne Fisher
Crosstown football rivalry
will hit Thunderbird Stadium this
weekend as Simon Fraser's Clansmen attempt to conquer the 'Birds
in the September 10th Shrum
Though it was once annual,
last year's 14-0 UBC victory
marked the first Shrum Bowl
game in five years. Of the eleven
games played in the last twenty
years, both SFU and UBC have
won five, with one ending in a tie.
While the 'Birds hoped to
concentrate on running in last
year's game, their switch to a pass-
heavy strategy proved effective.
"We tried to establish a running game, but we were forced to
go to the air more than planned,"
said last year's most valuable
player, Mike Bellafontaine.
The ball sailed a total of 215
yards into UBC clutches last year,
while they held the Clansmen
down to a total of a mere 137 offensive yards.
In 1982, the Clansmen managed 8 points to UBC's 19, while in
1981, the 'Birds soared to a 33-1
victory. However, UBC suffered
some drastic disasters with 61-6
and 42-0 losses in 1970 and 71,
after which the game was
cancelled for seven years to follow.
The game isa popular event to
kick off the academic year and saw
over seven thousand fans last
year. This year's game starts at
Saturday at 7:30 p.m. at Thunderbird Stadium.
Coming Up -
Sept 10
Women's Soccer
Sept 8
Langara at UBC
M/W Soccer
Sept 10
UBC vs Alumni
M/W Volleyball
Sept 17
UBC vs Alumni
(Graduate Management
Admission Test)
(Law School Admission Test)
(Graduate Record Exam)
at The University of British Columbia
Next Courses: CALL
LSAT — Sept. 16, 17, 18 222-8272
GMAT — Sept. 30/Oct. 1,2 ^
GRE — please inquire f$r
OGXLOfl Educational Center. fl&
Jewish Students' Association
Featuring FREE coffee, tea
and snacks all day!
12:30 PM
Featuring Live Klezmer & Swing Music!
For more information:  224-4748
Hillel House is located behind Brock hall
September 7, 1988 JKJWV'^'V vy»v^^»v^y'y^w/^^y'v^'«--7^»y'y-"'wyv-y»
By Olivia Zanger
Booze: as fundamental to university
life as textbooks and registration
hassles. Maybe more so. Some may find
that despite the slightly queasy feeling
they get from the stale beer smell of their
residence hallways, they may actually
want to venture outside and sample the
joys of campus drinking. If this is you,
read on...
Seeing as ifs the beginning ofthe
year, and stamina is high, start with the
PIT PUB. Renowned for loud, good
tunes, the Pit is the place to get really,
really shit-faced on cheap draft and
shooter specials, dance till the volume of
sweat you're producing becomes thoroughly offensive, and chow down on some
of the greasiest, sloppiest boigers this side
of Fresgo's. Filled with staggering,
steaming bodies in search of cheap fun,
cheap beer and cheap sex, the Pit's
always packed on Wednesday, Friday and
Saturday nights, so expect long lineups
reaching to the arcade at times. Not much
for decor or ambiance, the Pit boasts a
central dance floor that's always too
empty or too crowded, and CITR c(j's supplying the sound. Open afternoons too,
for those not aimed at oblivion (or who
want to do a thorough job of it). Dress
casually. Entrance is free with your AMS
card, $1 cover for non-students, but don't
expect to ever get in with just a "No
really, I am 19!" Plenty of shrubbery
outside too (for you bulimic drinkers...).
If drunken stupors are far too
immature for your tastes, the GRAD
LOUNGE may be more to your liking.
Calling this place 'mellow' is being kind.
Sort of like chairs and slow pouring
alcohol, the Grad lounge doesn't scream
fun. But hell, it's great if all you're
looking for is cheap beer and a game of
pool. Seen here are a variety of intellectual cliques, grad and undergrad alike,
and the hip profs who drink with their
Central, somewhat upscale and
calmer than the Pit, but no drag by a
longshot, is the GALLERY LOUNGE:
fun for the more sedate, Dillon-type
crowd. The walls are hung with periodically changing local talents' works, drink
specials and light snacks (Nachos etc.) are
available, and live crooning on the
weekends make the Gallery the place to
head after your 7:00-10:00 evening class.
The music is usually palatable, rarely
overbearing rock, and the volume is
reasonable enough that you can talk over
it. Good place to go and relax and be seen
Not to be overlooked is the INTERNATIONAL HOUSE, where the cheap
drinks flow, the beer gardens are better
than most, and the dance floor is the
envy of the rest of campus. Look for,
as the name would imply, a rather
international crowd.
For those of the red-jacket-fetish
variety, the CHEEZ FACTORY may
be the place you'll be calling home
away from home this year. Sporting a
decor.like a fixed up garage with
slightly better lighting and furniture
bearing a battle scar or two, the
Cheez ranges between modest beer
garden to zombie infested animal
house. Easy to find, just follow a trail
of comatose bodies lying outside.
Mostly male Geers, not known for
tremendous displays of maturity,
dominate this territory, so let les
femmes beware; you might end up
finding your leg pissed upon by one of
these beasts... Tons of fun if you're a
Geer, but for those Artsies who hang
out in Buchanan Lounge, probably not
your scene.
Artsies should instead stay in
BUCHANAN where they belong, for
there they'll find, 'most every Friday
afternoon, a beer garden of some sort
or another. Read the writing on the
wall. Ifs pretty impossible to miss
those signs plastering Buch Lounge
walls, so you'll be informed of these
grand events with plenty of time.
Commerce students will no doubt
eventually find their way over to
POITS, in the basement ofthe Henry
Angus building some Friday afternoon, where can be found some 60 or
so Commies packed into a room with a
capacity of 40. These beer gardens
can't really be said to go wild, but
there's shop talk and networking
galore, and interior design that could
be described as Early American Beat-
Desperate? There's always 99
CHAIRS. 98 of them are usually
empty. Why? Because this is, without
rival, the most deadly boring place
you can find. One step beyond anal-
retentive, the 99 Chair crowd can be
said to be anal-denial. Nothing more
need be said about this one because
who cares?
Visit the experts on Campus:
SUB 228-6890
Wrap up th© day with the
CiTR News Magazine. News.
sports, weather, a movie
review, an editorial comment
and a daily feature.
Weekday afternoons
from 5:00 to 5:30
CiTRfm 102
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Available 9don - Sat
Jrom Spm — 10pm
1                 UBC Radio                 1
September 7,1988
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Inside UBC" Calendar
To binge or not to
In search of
the ultimate
By Deanne Fisher
So you're not poor and maybe
you're not even hungry. But
you've got to eat and you might as
well do it right. Ifs cool to be
thrifty. But the trick at UBC is not
where to eat, but what to eat at
one's chosen locale. For example,
don't waste your parents' hard-
earned money on the buck-a-pea
special. However, one basic assumption pervades this advice:
quantity is almost always more
important than quality.
Within our very own student
union building sit several carefully hidden edible bargains. Initially, a student must choose between the more reasonably priced,
but unreasonably greasy, Alma
Mater Society run food outlets and
the debatable attributes of UBC
Food Services' Subway Cafeteria.
But don't let the variety of
Subway's food fool you. There are
only about three rotating hot specials, and most of the other stuff
gets dull quickly. The soup is always good, comes in two sizes, and
changes flavours daily. If you
aren't worried, about the ozone
layer (but, of course, we all are) use
the styrofoam containers for soup
because they charge you for a "cup"
and you can fit more into it than
the ceramic bowl, which always
spills on your way to the check out
(always go to the far left, the lineup is shorter).
For more adrenalin for your
dollar, go for the gourmet coffee in
the glass mugs that don't pollute
the atmosphere (to compensate for
your choice of soup containers).
Subway's salad bar is priced
by weight. Lettuce is light but
thousand island dressing is not.
Use the low-cal italian. The veggie
servers are generous and each
vegetable is only 95 cents, and you
for the
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• Badminton players
of all levels
• Social events
• Feather birds
Shaughnessy Elementary School
4250 Marguerite S"
Vancouver, B.C.
7:00pm - lOQOpm Mon-Fri
Starting September 12"
For more information please call
Patti at 438-6231
do get more than
UBC Food Services outlets
are dispersed sporadically about
campus, and with the exception of
the Bus Stop cafeteria, they are
predictable with regards to menu
selection. The subs, bagels, and
bunwiches are overpriced, but you
don't have much of a choice ifyou
want all four food groups wrapped
in saran. Bus Stop, across from the
chemistry building, is a tad
cheaper and offers better service.
Other SUB dining locales
have their own treasures. The
Gallery has, unfortunately,
boosted its prices, and downsized a
few items. Too bad, but the burrito
is still the best value on campus.
The pizzas are no smaller, but they
have less cheese—which is no big
deal because they were disproportionately cheese-heavy to begin
Pit food is for the desperate,
and for those who are taking a
stand against 80's health mania. A
burger and fries will always fill
you up, and they taste better than
the carpet smells.
The disgusting sweet gooey
things for under a buck are
Tortellini's best bargain. If the
lettuce in the salad bar isn't
brown, eat it rather than
Subway's. It has less variety but
the AMS is a better cause. Experiment with the pasta until you too
come to the conclusion that it all
same and is
only pleasant when
To do your body even more
damage, check out Snack Attack's
selection of dogs and malts. Always order the medium size pizza
dog, no matter how hungry you
are, because it has the perfect
ratio of sauce to wienie.
SUB is also home to two private eateries. Dukes' cookies are a
legend, but they taste just as good
a day old and at half the price—
but you have to be up bright and
early to catch them. The coffee is
also very reasonable. For excruciatingly late nights, splurge for
some chocolate covered espresso
beans and pop 'em like uppers—
they taste better.
Make the effort to find the
Deli by the Bank of Montreal. The
daily sandwich specials are a little
expensive but contain all four food
groups without the saran.
Pop is just as cheap and
quicker from machines but be
careful—eleven people were
crushed by pop machines in the
United States last year. Heed the
warning stickers.
When desperation really sets
in and it's not just a matter of
fashionable bargain-hunting, the
AMS Food Bank should be functioning soon. And remember—
ketchup and mustard are always
free. But butter costs a dime at
(Soft contact lenses in about one hour for most
prescriptions - Specialty lenses exlcuded)
10th and alma location only
3665 WEST 10™ AVE.
PHONE 736-5669
September 7,1988 SURVIVAL GUIDE
How to prevent
babies and other
device works similar to a diaphragm, except without the jells
and foams and can stay on up to
three days. Great for spontaneity, but sometimes a little
difficult to place, and there's
always the fear of it popping off.
Like the diaphragm, it requires a
trip to the doctor.
By Olivia Zanger
Babies. Disease. It's a
bitch, but you live in the
80's so face facts. Anyone who's
sexually active must deal with a
few realities, and birth control is
a definite biggie. Pop into
Student Health for a little chat
with a doc about what's best for
you. Here are a few of your
penis. Make sure you follow all
the instructions in the box. And
remember, you wouldn't reuse a
loaded Pampers or an old sticky
Kleenex, so NEVER reuse a
condom. Use a spermicidal cream
or foam for the best protection,
as condoms alone are usually not
as effective as other methods.
One final warning: Natural skin
condoms don't protect you from
infections- stick with latex.
several minutes before intercourse and reapply as directed.
The cons of spermicides are
that they have been known to be
a little messy. Their use has also
been known to prevent certain
sex acts which certain right wing
fundamentalists would like to
see stopped anyway. If the whole
topic leaves a bad taste in your
mouth, you're getting the
fertilized egg from implanting
itself, thereby stopping pregnancy in 98% of all cases. You're
safe for now, but the pill is rough
on your body, so you can expect
all kinds of nasty side effects.
While you're over at Student
Health, talk to them about a
better method of contraception.
The CONDOM: (a.k.a. the
Rubber, Safe, Plastic Tube Sock)
For the seven seconds of
trouble it takes you to rip open
the package and unroll that little
latex sheath over the erect penis,
look at all you get to miss out on:
pregnancy, Chlamidia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, herpes, AIDS,
pelvic inflammatory disease,
genital warts, and the list goes
For Him: Take some responsibility. Do you really want a
paternity suit? Burning inflammations? Does Russian roulette
with AIDS sound like fun to you?
For Her: Feeling awkward
about bringing up the 6 letter C
word to a new beau? Direct and
honest is the best way. It's your
body and your life, don't be shy.
Slip one into his palm and
whisper "No glove, no love. If it
ain't on, it ain't in."
How to: Be prepared. Hit a
drug store and comparison shop.
Consider your options. Those lubricated with Nonoxyl-9 spermicide provide extra safety against
AIDS and pregnancy. When the
moment's right, (before contact is
made), unroll it on the erect .
The DIAPHRAGM: (a.k.a. the
. Safety Sombrero)
Diaphragms allow for a little
more spontaneity as these can be
inserted in place before all the
cooing and cuddling starts. These
UFO shaped pieces of spring
loaded rubber fit over the cervix,
and when used properly with
spermicidal jelly (use lots!), they
are 92-95% effective, holding the
jell in place and sealing out
sperms. Keep in mind, diaphragms do nothing to protect
you from sexually transmitted
diseases. Diaphragms must be
obtained and fitted by your
The PILL: (a.k.a. the Wonder of
A pill a day keeps the babies
away. Taken orally, at the same
time every day, the pill prevents
pregnancy by fooling the body
into believing that you're
already pregnant. Certainly the
easiest and most reliable
method, with a 99% effectiveness rate, the pill's drawbacks
are the side effects some women
get: weight gain and depression
amongst them. Ifyou are over 35
or a smoker, the pill is a BIG
NO; side effects can be very
serious. Choose; only one:
hormones OR nicotine. With advances like the new low estrogen
and progesterone mini-pill, many
ofthe side effects are greatly reduced. The pill requires a prescription and annual pap tests.
The SPONGE: (a.k.a. the Love
Sponges work like disposable diaphragms (without the
need to be fit by the doctor) and
spermicide combined, blocking
the cervix and killing sperm. As
easy to use as an O.B. tampon,
they can be positioned up to 24
hours before sex and must be left
in place 6 hours after the fact.
Sponges are currently not
available in Canada, so if this is
for you, think "BLAINE".
STERILIZATION: (a.k.a. the
A rather extreme option for
those who are sure they never
want lil' tots saying "DA!" A
vasectomy involves snipping the
sperm pipeline. While the op is
reversible 70% of the time, that
30% failure rate can be real
gloomy one day if you're suddenly struck with the de-sire to
go forth and multiply.
^9*Ayrh m'~
The CERVICAL CAP: (a.k.a. the
This little suction cup like
CREAMS: (a.k.a. Goop, Muck)
Inserted suppository style or
with a gadget similar to a loaded
turkey baster, they're relatively
easy to use and work by blocking, trapping and killing sperm
cells. For it to he effective, you
must apply the spermicide
(a.k.a. the Big Ooops)
So, say you were at the Pit
last night and you wake up in
the morning with a pair of
unfamiliar briefs hanging from
your bedpost. You've been
irresponsible. Very.
Hurry on over to Student
Health, and you can get the
morning after pill up to three
days after you've had unprotected sex. You'll be filling your
body with massive doses of
hormones that prevent any
The RHYTHM METHOD: (a.k.a.
the Beat Off)
What do you call a woman
who uses the rhythm method?
Mommy. The least effective of all
forms of birth control, the
rhythm methods attempts at
avoiding pregnancy with abstinence during a woman's fertile
period, which is no easy task to
determine. Better than nothing,
but not by much.
Open and frank conversation
between you, your partner and
your doctor as to the best method
to suit your concerns and
lifestyle is the way. Relax about
discussing it, but don't procrastinate.
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Monday to Friday
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On the corner of West Boulevard
September 7, 1988
THE UBYSSEY/23 PANGO PANGO (UNS)—Hairy puce blorgs on this tiny ie-land kingdom returned from summers of
adventure in the plains and beyond and tittered salaciously at tales of debauchery in third floor
Sadi-masochistic blorgB prepared the gulag for another fun-filled season. Phallic Wants One licked
her chops and beckoned a new batch of fresh and eager new inkstained blorgs into her lair, having
made Bhort work of Dartin' Paws, who slunk off to join Displeasing Her and Mental Gnat as they Ticked
their wounds in the corner. But that resilient trio coundm't be kept down long. 01' Banger offered moral
support as Displeasing Her rediscovered Tethered Wankin' and intrigues developed in the dark
between the Gnat and Feels Her Best
Meanwhile, back at the snake pit, shaggy taupe blorgs looked on apprehensively as neophyte city
taskmaster Caterwauling Punk locked horns with dinoblaurg Feel Placenta. But the tension eased as
Punk emerged from the battle with only minor wounds and, going for a hat trick, travelled in time to
vanquish a truly prehistoric Stem farmer.
Oblivious out in left field of this tiny island kingdom, technoblorg Malcontented Person took Libido
for a spin in his flashy new lowslung carriage. The chariot vanished into the sunset, and one question
lingered on all blorg lips.
'    "Have they or haven't they?- demanded inquisitive pale red blorg Divine Kisser, who definitely has.
Injured in a car
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Tim Bird, president
Because I am elected by the students, my job is to^ryto
improve the quality of education and campus life on behalf of
the students   If I don't hear of where the problems are, they
may escape me. So I encourage involvement by each and
every student on all decision making fronts and participatory areas within the AMS and the universaty commumty in
general   I can speak from experience though that you should
start from your academic base and then find time ior
your social pursuits and not vice versa.
\ \ l
'      V
\ '
Karl Kottmeier, director of finance
The director of finance is responsible for
creating the AMS budget. I basically handle
all money in and out; for example, capital
projects such as 'CITR high power5. I say what
we can and can't afford. Because I have an
assistant director of finance, I don't deal as directly with students or clubs as the assistant D
of A. If students have anything to say pertaining to AMS money, they can go to their undergrad reps on Student's Council. They can also
drop by my office or give me a call. They
should realize that the AMS is painfully aware
(financially) ofthe mandate from the students
and businesswise, it is well run. The UBC
AMS is one ofthe best student societies in
Canada with the best,
most diverse services.
By: Roger Kanno
There's more to
education than
lectures, labs and
At the Ubyssey
you can employ
your classroom
theories in
dealing with the
real world.
Be effective.
Expose injustice,
blast stupidity,
and have fun
doing it — with
prose or graphics.
Stop by SUB
241K today.
• Custom Framing & Do-lt-Yourself Facilities
• Full Conservation Matting & Framing
e Large Selection Of Posters & Limited Editions
• Complete Selection Of Frames
• Stretching & Dry Mounting
'For People With More Taste THan Money"
W. Broadway
Don MacKenzie
Near Alma
Parking At Rear
September llth, 12th & 13th
September 20th & 21st
At Vancouver Talmud Torah, 26th & Oak
Donation Requested
Call Hillel House for more Information: 224-4748
September 7,1988 gyipijo qaU pus virs
Leanne Jacobs, director of administration
The director of administration is in charge of the
Student Union Building including security, the Art
Gallery etc. and all AMS constituted clubs. As D of A
my most important job is to maintain communication
between clubs and the Student administrative
council. I am responsible for special projects such as
Alcohol and Drug Education Week, October 17-21. I
am also involved with Clubs Days, September 21-23,
and Ask Me during the first week of
school. Feel free to stop by our Ask Me
table outside of SUB ifyou need help or just to
say hi. I'd like to say to all students,
get involved because there
is more to UBC than just textbooks.
tS«^,towf»*^*« IS***—-
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A Principle of Fun,
"Lets Play It For The Children"
African Benefit
Hefoume Amouzou
Saturday September 10th       SUB Ballroom, UBC
Doors 8:00pm
Refreshments In Partyroom
Tickets: AMS Box Office, Zulu, Black Swan, High Life
Records, Fogg n' Suds
$9.50 U BC Students, Others $10.50 cn.d.
CUSO All Ages Welcome OXFAM
For The  I
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University of British Columbia
Student Union Building Lower Concourse
Open Monday to Friday 8 am to 5 pm
we are publishing
on Friday
Staff meeting
September 7th
1230 pm
New Staffers
September 7,1988
THE UBYSSEY/25 a   Jvw      -^O^W*^.
Is anybody out there?
Everyone is back on campus. Blank, anxious
faces emerge during class changes. No one seems to
know where they are going, let alone what they are
supposed to do once they arrive.
In a way, the first days of classes are a miniature model of our time here at UBC. We may walk
into the wrong classroom, register for the wrong
course, or realize the prof who everyone recommended drools on the overhead projector.
Mistakes are what makes us students. We have
the freedom to make mistakes, and the ability to
learn from them. Hopefully, our time as students
does not end after convocation.
This year marks the beginning of The Ubyssey's
seventieth year of publication. Over the past
seventy years the paper has evolved, regressed,
and mutated in a sort of Darwinian nightmare
with no destination.
In the last seventy years, The Ubyssey has
made a lot of mistakes. But we will never apologize
for what others may perceive as lapses in judgement. If we did, we would be afraid to make mistakes in the future. We would cease questioning.
We would lose our freedom. We would stop learning.
For the same reason, we cover off-campus
events, in an effort to try and absorb all the aspects
of a student's life. The world beyond the gates
affects students in every way. We feel we must
bring a student viewpoint to the issues ofthe day.
We are, after all, your voice.
Everybody has a different reason for joining
the paper. Some aspire to become the next wave of
great journalists to emerge from the loins of SUB
241K. Others join because they are firmly committed to certain ideals, and seek a podium. And
others join for the fun of writing and meeting new
But no matter what the original reason was for
joining, all staffers must learn to exercise the
tongue of their mind by writing. Only by writing
does one know what one thinks.
Sometimes we have garbled thoughts, but at
least we've made the attempt to think for ourselves.
The Ubyssey's aim is to tackle issues on an individual basis—to assess situations by the facts
available to us. Ideological dogmatism is not a part
of this process. We are the voice ofthe student
body. Ifyou don't think you are being well represented, make the effort to come to 241K and add
your voice to ours.
September 7,1988
The Ubyssey is published Tuesdays and Fridays
throughout the academic year by the Alma Mater Society
of the University of British Columbia. Editorial opinions
are those ofthe staff and not necessarily those ofthe
university administration, or ofthe sponsor. The Ubyssey is published with the proud support of the Alumni
Association. The Ubyssey is a member of Canadian
University Press. The editorial office is Rm. 241k ofthe
Student Union Building. Editorial Department, phone
228-2301; advertising, 228-3977.
A bleary eyed Mandel Ngan staggered into the office
at one a.m., looked at Chris Wiesinger, and asked "Where
the fuck are all those eager young staffers who infested
the place this afternoons   Wiesinger gave him a
withering look and demurely murmured 'Taaaahhhk
yooooo." Heather Jenkins looked on in awe - she had
never heard language of this type before. Alex Johnson
and Adam Jones cuffed Chris m the head with a fresh
plate of Tortellini's old linguini and knocked him
unconscious. Katherine Monk came upon the sad scene
and reproached everyone: "You may have the right to
bear linguini, but you have no right to knock someone
unconscious with it." Ted Aussem danced into the room
wailing "Motherless Children", and Olivia Zanger danced
on the ceiling. Let's have a Special Goat issue, suggested
Sheila West, grinning wickedly. No one understood this
attempt to bring to The Ubyssey an earthly theme. Chris
Brayshaw nodded gravely, and stated: "I think Darth
Vader was a goat in disguise, seeking to bring goat milk
to the whole universe. Deanne Fisher turned as if to say
something, but Mandel interjected with: Faaahhk yooo.
Heather looked shocked and appalled. Andrea Lupini
and Kathryn Macdonald played in the linguini, ignoring
what they considered to be a vulgar scene. Steve Chan,
as usual, tried to deny his involvement in any of the
above matters. Oh, and Giles Gysel sat in the coner
fondling his remote control.
Martin Dawes
Deanne Fisher
city desk:
Katherine Monk
Mandel Ngan
Chris Wleslnger
/Ul Jt/Aj^
Where are
lottery funds
I have read the editorial
and the article by Chris
Wiesinger ("Butting out Big
Business: Tobacco legislation smoulders in court",
The Summer Ubyssey, Aug.
10) with more than passing
interest. I am in agreement
with most of the items discussed, and I wonder, "What
ever happened to the lotteries?"
The Ubyssey welcomes letters on any Issue. Letters must be typed and are not to exceed 300 words In length. Content
which Is Judged to be libelous, homophobic, sexist, or racist will not be published. Please be concise. Letters may be
edited for brevity, but it Is standard Ubyssey policy not to edit letters for spelling or grammatical mistakes. Please bring
them, with identification, to SUB 241k. Letters must Include name, faculty, and signature.	
Wasn't this new revenue to sponser all the activities of the artists and amateur sports? The whole
country thought so and supported this gambling. The
government has rerouted
almost every dime into paying for their games and
goofs. Expo 86 was paid off
in lottery funds.
The current blather
over smoking is just prohibition rehashed. You can't
stamp out smoking anymore than you can stamp
out liquor.
The liquor distillers
alsomake sizeable contributions to arts and sports.
But, where is the lottery money, in millions,
Joseph Wilder and Bob
Kerr aren't asking for the
moon. Why can't they get
their share from funds provided by the lotteries?
Think about it! Don't get
conned into the prohibition
angle, concentrate on the
Wayne Kieler
Traffic and Security, UBC
This is your
Use it to
comment on
issues being
discussed in the
paper* or bring
new issues to
talk about it,
write about it.
'We've been crazy...'
A woman wrote me this note:
"Kurt, we've been crazy. There's no way we can know
for sure that we don't have AIDS. We don't want to die
now, life is too good. I don't want to take any more risks.
Please, wear a condom."
Despite the advice of safe-sex crusaders to use "condom-sense", the men I know are almost unanimous in
their aversion to condoms. And can you really blame
them? Fumbling for a condom on the verge of sweet
consummation always threatens the magic of the moment. The loss of delicious skin-on-skin sensation is considerable for most men. Condoms are a hell of a job to put
on when you have a sloppy erection. They are a special
nuisance for those of us whose idea of great sexisn't simply
erection, penetration, and ejaculation but moving playfully through several cycles of arousal. Condoms may
make your penis feel squeezed or even manhandled; they
have an inopportune way of breaking; and they can serve
as incriminating evidence in a number of situations.
That's why, like many men, I used to fling safe-sex
precautions in the winds without a woman's gentle insistence. But not any more! As this year's Inside UBC tells us,
only three options can save us from charges of irresponsibility and quite possibly a premature demise in the face of
AIDS: celibacy, mutual monogamy or condoms.
Preaching celibacy underestimates and disparages
the very real contribution which sex can make to a good
life. Singing the praises of mutual monogamy presupposes that long term partners for stable relationships are
available for most people. But for complex cultural reasons having to do with hedonistic individualism, the
abundance of sexual stimuli and the pressures of modern
life, even very attractive people find mutual monogamy
hard to achieve and maintain. Nor, in the absence of an
exceptionally congenial partner, is locking oneself into a
monogamous relationship really smart.
So there's no way around it: lovers of sex who, by
choice or fortune, aren't monogamously attached must
make friends with the condom. After some practice you
can have tolerably good sex with a condom, even if
probably not superterrific sex. A good way to get used to
those damn things is to practice masturbating with them.
If the upper half of your penis is well lubricated, it's
probably easier to unroll part of the condom first, and
then slip it on like a sock.
As a sensitive and accomplished lover you may feel
thrown back to the stone age by the need to use such
Neanderthal protection. I know it's asking a lot to "wear
a condom every time." But in the face of AIDS and all the
anti-sex moralizing unleashed by AIDS I have become a
convvrt to condom-sense. Help spearhead the good fight
to keep sex free but safe!
Kurt Preinsperg
Philosophy Graduate Student
September 7,1988 "Hyw'px-'i
Hoffman sells his zeal
The caption reads: "the comedy of a political activist
The stand-up comedian is Abbie Hoffman.
Hoffman has always had a flare
for the dramatic, and a gift for cutting
one-liners. But now he has taken his
political wit, and turned it into entertainment. Hoffman has reneged on
his commitment to change society's
Maybe this is just the next logical
step after his vaudevillian tour with
Jerry Rubin, which had all the spontaneity of a wrestling match between
Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant. But
what does Hoffman's foray into the
world of rehearsals and proper timing
say about the eighties, and the approaching nineties ?
The relationship between comedy and politics has always been close,
at times the two have even fused together in the likes of Joe Clark and
John Turner. Shakepeare's fools
always rattled their bladders with the
grains of truth, but no one listened to
what they were saying, only the audience knew the true form ofthe soothsayer. •*>
Hoffman's tragedy is his conversion from politician to fool, instead of
the other way around. The last person to do this ended up
on the heath, screaming "she breathes" over the dead body
of his daughter Cordelia.
The CBC covered Hoffman's re-creation of Lear on
Sunday Morning. I heard someone say "not since Lenny
Bruce" has anyone told the truth in comedy like Hoffman
does. Look what happened to Lenny Bruce.
Today humor is allied with cynicism, and a sense of
futility. How many more times will
David Letterman shrug his shoulders as a sign that nothing really
matters anyway? What makes
today's talent humourous is their
acknowledgement that they are
useless. Nobody really listens to
what a comedian is saying to the
point of doing; something about it.
Instead, we laugh.
There is a theory which says
humour has ita roots in danger. The
funniest things usually tread a fine
line between the horrific, and the
acceptable. These things would not
be funny unless we were safe. That
is why we usually laugh at some of
the most horrific jokes, or someone
slipping on a banana peel.
The moment activism turns
into comedy, it loses meaning, because it is no longer a threat.
To watch Abbie Hoffman's
routine would be witnessing the last
vestiges of activism creak to a halt.
Inertia has claimed us.
Hoffman will only be funny as
long as he's not a threat, and looking
around me, I'd say he has a great
future ahead of him: a celebrity
roast, a spot on Carson, maybe even
a Vegas date with Jerry Lewis...
Sometimes I wonder what happened to my sense of
Katherine Monk is a Ubyssey editor who killed her guppies
by throwing her joy buzzer in the tank.
The Comedy of Political Activist
MON a TUES AUG. 29TH a 30th
Res. 595-0850
236 West 78th St/B'way
Yankees envy Canadian elan
For traveling Americans, visiting Canada is like
being in your own backyard. You have all the comforts of
home, but you don't have to deal with your garbage
because it's not really your country. Yes, Canada is
paradise for the American tourist.
We should know because we are American tourists.
As such, we are free to ignore traffic laws, ridicule everything French and ask inane questions in overly loud and
nasal voices. We feel like American ambassadors, giving
Canadians a taste of what it's like in the Lower Forty-
As objective and observant compatriots, we feel especially qualified to judge Canada as it progresses towards
meeting our lofty American ideals. Let's see how you're
doing in areas ofthe environment, language, and personal
Letter from America
1. The Environment. You have a beautiful, but undeveloped, natural landscape. Unfortunately, this is obscured by an overabundance of trees, blocking many scenic
vistas. In America, we have gone to great lengths to make
scenery viewable for all—we have razed entire forests,
thereby enhancing viewing and photographic opportunities of our citizenry.
Because of your overabundance of sparkling clean
water, you have decimated the entire Canadian bottled
water industry. In America, we have created hundreds of
thousands of good jobs and strengthened our national economy by making our public water supplies undrinkable.
In Canada, you have acid rain. In America, we make
acid rain. Obviously, you lag way behind in this area.
2. Language. Your country can't settle on a universal
language for all your provinces. As a result, all your road
signs and consumer product labels must be bilingual, wasting a lot of space and making unilinguists paranoid. In the
States, we are decisive enough to choose a single language
and stick to it, and anyone who doesn't speak it can either
get the hell out or learn it like we had to. Besides, with a
single language, everyone has the freedom to develop their
linguistic skills to their goodest potential.
3. Personal Growth. In Canada, people are friendly.
This can lead to all sorts of problems, including having to
return favors, meeting people on your own time, and doing
stuff that other people want to do. In America, we lavish a
lot more time on ourselves. This allows us to: achieve the
American Dream through individualistic and selfish pursuits; step on those less worthy to climb to the top of the
corporate ladder; and enter into extended periods of soul-
searching depression.
All this isn't to say you're not doing well. We have
browsed in your shopping malls, eaten in your fast food
restaurants, and seen lots of your good American television
programming. We're pleased and encouraged by the advances you've made, and are sure you'll rate even better
next time we come to visit. Have a nice day.
Warren Goldstein (Boston, MA.) and Brett Rhyne
(New York, N.Y.) hate bilingual trees.
lj .fj.. ..v,j, '■■-■■■■■:--}/; "',' ■
'<?',''    S„    , 'A'/?;'' Ms,, ,
'.,..  ..   .i.A.  ...  !!X...  .&.'„.',.'/>.. (.',.'„...'. .
Bikes or Bibles?
A new mountain bike is being raffled off in front of
Sedgewick library this week. No purchase is required—
to enter one need only supply name, address, phone
number, and respond to a few simple questions.
No sign indicates who sponsors the raffle, but those
simple questions give usa clue: they ask if the contestant
is interested in bible studies and other social events.
Bible studies, eh? The young man at the table willingly admitted he was a member of the Maranathas, a
Christian group active on campus. And why was there no
indication, either on the display table or on the raffle
tickets themselves, of this affiliation? The young man
waffled and tried to explain that the only really important thing for me to know was the make ofthe mountain
There is no evidence to prove that the motives
behind the annual Maranatha bike raffle are anything
less than strictly honorable, but even if the Maranathas
aren't busily developing a hit list of potential converts/
victims, their conduct is grossly improper. It is extraordinarily bad form for any interest group, and particu
larly a proselytising interest group, to solicit information
as personal as telephone numbers without making it clear
who will have access to that information.
The popularity of this raffle alarmed me for another
reason. It is an indication of the frightening degree of
naivete prevalent amongst students today that only a tiny
fraction of those entering the raffle knew who sponsored
it. People who dispense personal infoimation indiscriminately in these dangerous days need \a have their heads
examined. But even that doesn't exonerate the
Perhaps my fears are unfounded and the offending
raffle tickets will be burned next week, but the
Maranatha's secrecy sure made me wonder. Being associated with a raffle is always good PR, and a raffle table
would be an ideal place for the Maranathas to advertise
for new members; why then do they keep their sponsorship so under wraps?
It was not so long ago that the Maranathas tried to
secure a list of all the first year students at UBC.
It appears that reports ofthe reformation of our local
Maranatha group have been greatly exaggerated. And
they certainly haven't won my trust this week.
Jennifer Lyall is a Ubyssey old hack who rides her mountain naked to Wreck Beach
Eternal recurrence
Ten years ago this week, The Ubyssey's lead editorial called for
students to refuse to pay the extra fifteen cents which made a new transit
fare amount to fifty cents.
Twenty years ago, the editorial blasted the administration for failing
to heed student demands regarding the university's curriculum.
Thirty years ago, the editorial was different. It took an accusing
stance. It pointed a finger at students. Entitled "To all phonies...", it started
out by asking students what right they had to be at this university. It then
launched into an angry tirade at freshmen, which ran like this: "You are
inferior. You're nothing at all. You have no right whatsoever to the
education on which you're lightly embarking. You haven't even begun to
find out what life's about, and you have no right at all to feel on par with
the serious students on this campus who are honestly endeavouring to gain
Obviously the editor made this judgement based on her years of experience in the university. Obviously she noted a trend.
What ties these three editorials together is the sad fact that none of
their appeals or recriminations had a noticeable effect.
Transit ignored students in 1978, as it has done in every other year in
which it has jacked up fees. We now sit at $1.25. Fifty cents—and they
thought they had it rough.
The administration satisified students by giving them positions on
university panels which made it look as though students had input when
actually they had none, or very little. Twenty years later, student positions
in senate and on the Board of Governors are held by individuals who were
probably more motivated to pad their resumes than to effect change in
students' interests.
What makes the 1958 editorial particularly poignant is that the editor
recognized the beginning of a malaise. The generation that graduated from
North America's universities in the fifties and early sixties is now the generation which controls much of our continent's political and economic
Op-Ed Comment
"In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king," writes the
venerable Hunter S. Thompson in his latest set of diatribes on the state of
the continent. A generation of swine—the phonies of the 1958 editorial—
rule land, sea, and air in the late 1980s.
And look at our air. Yes, look at it. On a hot summer day you can see
a brownish-green layer of slime hovering over Burnaby. The ozone layer
depletes while our leaders sit back, sip their martinis, and lament "Ooooh,
the ozone layer is depleting." And we aren't much better, taking a stance
that limply accepts this situation as the status quo and imagining ourselves helpless as far as being able to effect change.
Look at our sea. It's not so bad in Vancouver, but oceans all around our
coasts are infested with garbage. In the United States, some beaches have
been permanently closed to the public because the surf vomits human
waste, used hypodermic needles, and dirty bandages.
Look at our land. In the past we have stripped it of trees, holding off
replenishing the forests because we thought there was an endless supply.
Anyway, by the time we ran out of trees to harvest, the argument went,
we'd all be dead and gone. So we cut, and mined, and dumped our toxic
wastes. Our children could deal with the mess. What an attitude. What a
Don't fool yourself into thinking that Canada is less afflicted with this
disease of character than is the United States—we may have less people,
but we are no less swinish than our American neighbors. Wall Street is but
an up-scale model of Bay Street and Howe Street.
Business and politics have entered into an unholy, incestuous relationship which is no longer even subtle. Many businesses have found it
necessary, in order to succeed, to jump into bed with politicians and
bureaucrats who wait with warm, wet, open palms. Corruption begets
corruption, in business and in government.
Witness—amongst many—the Meese scandal. The Attorney General
of the United States, the highest law enforcement official in the country,
has been found guilty of cheating on his income taxes while in office. Petty
fraud—a more grotesque perversion of that office is hard to imagine.
And the situation is no different in Canada. From the hypocrite
Mulroney in Ottawa (Will the public forget his tirades against patronage
before his 1984 victory, and his subsequent rash of political appointments?
Can one be more openly dishonest than that?) to the fool Vander Zalm in
Victoria, the cancer festers unchecked.
Our politics have become completely shallow. Issues are no longer
central and elections are won on the basis of looks. Blue eyes beget votes.
Take Dan Quayle, the man chosen by George Bush as Republican vice-
presidential candidate. Quayle was chosen, it appears, not for his accomplishments, but because he has remained undistinguished and (almost)
politically unblemished over the past fifteen years. Quayle had to beg the
Dean of Law at Indiana State to gain admission to the law program there.
And the only smart thing Dan Quayle has ever done—joining the
Indiana National Guard to reduce the possibility of service in Vietnam—
is a bitter irony in the face of his hawkish politics. He is prepared to live by
the sword, but not to die by it. As some commentators have wryly noted,
Quail is a chicken ofthe sixties turned hawk ofthe eighties. A phony. But
he is kinda cute, isn't he?
Even our universities have succumbed to the whorish behaviour
exhibited by our political and business leaders. No longer do they seek to
provide an atmosphere for the pursuit of knowledge—they have resigned
themselves to training the young to fit into the moulds cast by the ruling
generation. They pursue knowledge not for the sake of knowledge, but for
industrial application. No doubt some mandarin somewhere is desperately
trying to think of a way to make history, philosophy, and literature
A generation of swine. They piss in our water because they know they
won't live long enough to have to bear the consequences.
Look on any sidewalk or beach and behold the cigarette butt. The
carelessly discarded cigarette butt is indicative of a society which is not
quite content with poisoning itself, but insists on fouling its environment
as well so everyone can share in the pollution. Who is supposed to pick up
these cigarette butts?
So the question to this year's class of first year students is this: What
are you going to do to change this? Are you already part of the generation
of swine? Or are you on your way to becoming a swine?
The university can help .you formulate your character and develop
your principles. But you must decide what kind of character you want to
become, what kind of principles you want to hold.
There are still good people at work on this campus who care about
what they are doing. Find them and learn from them. They can guide you,
but the final decision as to whether you are going to become a swine is still
up to you.
Are you too going to piss into the water which you will one day need
to soothe your thirst?
Tuum Est.
Chris Wiesinger is a Ubyssey Editor who moves small mountains daily.
September 7,1988
THE UBYSSEY/27 Foraging on the fringe:
A treasure hunt
By Andrea Lupini
In three days, the newly beautified Mount Pleasant neighborhood will suddenly become
the hunting ground of thousands
of Vancouverites. They'll come
seeking outstanding entertainment at affordable prices — and
they'll find it, at the Fourth
Annual Vancouver Fringe
Festival (Sept. 9th-18th). Over
one hundred productions of
comedy, drama, performance art
and cabaret theatre will play at
venues located within blocks of
each other.
4th Annual Vancouver Fringe
September 9th— 18th
The Festival, explains producer Joanna Maratta, is modelled after the historic Edinbor-
ough Festival, and, more specifically, on Edmonton's successful
Fringe. For four years, the local
Fringe administration has honed
the organization of the festival,
while still allowing each show to
take full responsibility for their
own production. The result so far
has been three highly successful
theatre extravaganzas.
Says Maratta: "It really is
Vancouver's main theatre event
in the year, in that there is such
a variety of performance... you've
got so many who are involved,
professionals who work in the
theatre year round. It's really
their opportunity to sink their
teeth into a piece that they've
always wanted to do, or form an
ad-hoc group, a group of friends
who don't often get the chance to
say We're picking the project,
this is our baby, and we're going
to see it through from inception
right through to completion, the
It is this element of control,
rarely granted the writers and
performers in mainstream theatre, that makes the Fringe such
a showcase of unconventional,
risk-taking productions. These
shows can't be counted on as
money-making ventures; they're
being produced because someone
— the writer, director, producer,
or the actors themselves —
wants to see them done. Along
with that sense of commitment,
there's a definite "party" feel to
the festival, with an anticipated
thirty thousand spectators
coming through the festival site
during its ten day run.
"We've told our Tront of
House' volunteers ifyou tap
dance, or juggle, or sing, feel
free," says Sally Ogis, Volunteer
Coordinator for the Fringe this
year. She has brought together
the hundreds of volunteers who
will be responsible for ticket
sales and other crucial jobs on
site. Although no advance tickets
are available for the performances, seats for each show will go
on sale at the box office of each
venue as the previous audience
is going in. When a show sells
out, volunteers will also be on
hand to direct spectators to an
alternative venue where seats
are still available.
Because ofthe close proximity of all the venues, and because
performances are being held
throughout the afternoons and
evenings during the festival, it
will be easy to catch more than
one show a day. Even nicer is the
low admission cost. No ticket is
more than five dollars, and most
productions are offering student
rates for even less.
It is important to have some
sort of strategy, however, if
you're planning to see several
shows. The festival program was
printed in the September 2nd
issue ofthe Georgia Straight;
other copies are available at the
Fringe Club at 185 E. llth Ave.,
as well as at Duthie Books, Black
Swan Records, and a few other
spots around town. The program
gives a very good description of
all the shows, as well as a map of
the site for detailed "route
Ifyou miss a production you
were dying to see, there's always
the chance that you'll be able to
see it after the festival closes.
The Vancouver East Cultural
Centre will be running the Pick
of the Fringe from the 20th to
the 24th of September. In
addition, the Firehall Theatre
will be holding
over three
performances in a
three week run
after the Fringe.
While the
Fringe performances don't begin
until Friday afternoon, the festival
will kick off with a
parade and
reception tomorrow night (Thursday). Beginning at
the Mount
Pleasant Community Centre at
6:45, the parade,
organized by
Public Dreams,
will end at Guelph
Park, where, according to organizers, there'll be
"zillions of balloons" as well as
speeches, fireworks and
The following
day will see the
launching of this
year's festival,
and Maretta is
confident no one
will be disappointed: "We have
probably the strongest local representation that we've had in the
past. There are so many good
productions...that's what people
are going to be dazzled by — the
quality of the productions, and
the energy and commitment of
the people involved. We've
geared up for this for nine
months; now the treasure hunt is
about to begin."
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September 7,1988


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