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The Ubyssey Mar 31, 1950

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 •^im^m^^^^t^mK^^i
- ^^yu^il-^^^mm-fmmm
VOLUME: TREMENDOUS VANCOUVER, B. C, FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1950 PRICE: THE WAGES OF SIN - EXTRA COPIES: 10 CENTS
Rat' Cumming Tells All
EXPOSES
COUNCIL SIN-BIN
(See Details on Page 2)
*
Haggert Said Sex Pervert
(See Details on Page 2)
'*       W       •
Rumours Are Flying That Eileen
Moyls Is Expecting... In May
(Details on Page 5)
*
Haar Paid Returning Officer
Cameron to Fix AMS Elections
(Details on Page 9)
•
*
If You Have a Mother-in-Law,
YOU May Be a Hidden Witness
(Details on Page 8 and 4)
►N A DRUNKEN FRENZY AMS Treasurer Wa itei Ewing cavorts with an imported show girl,
bought with money from his alleged $5,000 sur plus. This graphic photo, taken by a Ubyssey cam
eramnn, was shot through the keyhole of Swing's office where he nightly stages a party with
student money. Scantily-clad olarineti--! and hula dancer in background were each paid $100 to
entertain councillors while Ewing's partner got $200. Note bottle in treasurer's hand. Page 2
THE UBYSSEY
Friday, March 31, 19J
o   Itt'l'l Jr.        mmWtil 1
Sex Dane
Cumming Squeals After Tiff With
Over Tom-Tom Solo
Ace Ubyssey cameramen and reporters, acting on a.tig
today laid bare the sordid facts cf a lu3t*lair operated Vdj
AMS funds by power-mad moguls of the Student Council.
Operating behind a mask of grinning respectability,
council members organized a powerful machine, whose o|
qualification for membership was utter depravity, and bfjh|
locked Brock Hall doors disported themselve3 with chamga|
and imported dancing girls in orgies the wicked nature of wh|
defy description.
'Raf Cumming Gives Tip Off
Tip-off came from 'Rat' Cumming, as he has been labledi|
Vancouver's underworld, who was thrown out of last nif
orgy because he wouldn't drink anymore champagne, and
fused to play the tom-tom while AMS treasurer Walt Ev
did an earthy voodoo dance. .
Clad in only a leopard skin, niched from the Department
Zoology, Cumming lurched into the Ubyssry press-rooms I
two a.m., pulling nervously on a reeler a.5 he unfolded his sto|
"Suds (Sutherland) knows I'm a rye-drinker," he whi*
cred, "but he and Fatty (Ewing) made me drink seven t)etf|
oi Champagne; I got sick and couldn't play the tom-tom
more so they got mad and called me a holier-than-thou. It m|
me mad and I'm gonna fix them good."
Then he blabbed the whole sordid storv.
byssey Gets Sordid Story
CHORUS GIRL RWTZI LA RUE is shown in th s exclusive Ubyssey picture perched on the
knee of AMS president Jim Sutherland, who also takes part in thebarbaric orgies staged with
money irom AMS coffers. Bottle in hand, Suth;rland has subdued this girl into believing
the party is an innocent one. Ubyssey photographer rislccd his life and camera to get this
exciting picture. Note bed at right.
Further Pictures on Pages 6 and 7
Kxi'i'iiliv* nf Varsilv i iiililriiir Chili
!>;ive ili'tiii'.l rhjii'uvs of liiUcii'lr'tn'l
i'h: in-;- I I'i'ir ijt.■ ir;.111• ■ r-:i<I■ • in Urc.rN
lliill   Inlll!'-'    ln-;t   \\."'k.
"Snlpp   |ipii)i|i>   Ii i\■••   i'Vi'I)    I'i'eM'" "I
lliill \\'' I'.lll ill'iiltll'l la! I'll' (■)! i' -.! . ■ I'll' lis \\ hi:,' wreii'iir;' H1 inu- hunis.
\'tn:   I'i, n|,I, ni   .i.n'i,   I.ini.'II   ■•■•li'l   ii'
II    sl,'ll"llll'lll     III    Ihi'    I   !l\ a's   v    Tlllll's
■' w .
"'I'll''    ('lllll'L!!'    N    l'il||l'l|l||l'S.    NW    \\"!S'
v\'- H in-   "iir   .hurl..   a!;n. •,    \ml   Iln'
• I'i'a'S    W "' ■■    li.'i'i'i rl |y    ,•:, nn."
Ill  inisWV"   In   Hip  ('h.'i";.-. •.   Mill l,: ■
(■'ill,   iir mil ie,   \\  '!•••   r.  ,.,(,ii   I!,:,. i'm ■
a"ln"'s     ||'., !.. ■ 11; i     ," i  p :• iii\       ,:  ..   ■ !
'   ;•!,■ - '« l',i' hi   i'ih    i P!-.,   I,ii.|..>! il •
1    ''I'   "i!   '. "II 's ,1 s|)"'   ,|. I'   ;;|||   ai'JI|
s, riiiers
While reporters and photographers sped to the sccneJ
2et the sensational pictures shown on these pages, Cumnil
told Ubyssey editorial staff of the thousands of dollars of Af
funds that had been spent on midnight orgies, dancing gf
i'.quor, roulette wheels, and hush money.
''We never hod it so good," he said dolefully, and, bright!
ing up, he added, "We must be thirty or forty thousand in |
lole now."
He went on to show how, bribed with AMS dollars, VI
ouver hoodlums bad roamed the streets creating disturbanj
to draw attention away from UBC and corrupt activities of
Jtudent Council.
Fear-Crazed Council flees
After intrepid pubsters smashed the door to the cou^
room', and saw with their own eyes what was going on,
.'car-crazed councillors, lent added strength by booze and mj
Juana, succeeded in escaping, in spite of every effort to rest*
hem, and rapidly disappeared in two high-powered cars wl
ihey had left outside for this purpose.
One reporter was slashed by a spring-knife wielding coj
r:illoi, and  two others suffered  bruises from black-jacks
bras:, knuckles.
A photographer had his camera smashed by scantilly-cl|
hot lie-swing Margaret Low-Beer, who, screeching like a
wile, y elleci "dirty spoil-sports!"' as she lept out the window
ihe night.
IT' -B
lies in MSf tne
Councillor.* apparently knew where the tip-off came fj
s Ewin«;, climbing  into the  moving limousine   (bought
llicitly used AMS funds), shouted over his should^',
"VVakTl we.got that rat—he won't know whether he's Cj
m mm
•ning or going.
The:r whereabouts are  "I  present   unknown, bul  k   is
■;i!>n-(l ii' ba :i deserted warolv-'so .•-■omwhei-e in i!w -'/.''.st
aiJkv.     "<. b.livas.   ererliior-;   and   studwks   ar;1   nanning
',;U',or \v search oi  11.t■ fugitive malclactors.
■k * *
I"      L Mil'      I if     |n\ i'     js     II:!!     IIHl ii     il
,\ I'll    ''' 11■    IPPII'  ,'.
i 'Y' »Y' '*'
EW.'NG'S M'JC.S BUCKLE HiOM the effects of alcohol and;    \-i*'ii„,r*   .■■!•■    [>■■>;<;■   «!">   i •■■■!■
. . ,, ,     ,. ., r    .        . „       ,     wuii.li-i'iiiLe- win ii  iln   p.ii'l y  is ..niii-
dope as he near:-; the end ot another orgy, Lwing keeps Brock   hi i||(|
Hall  lights  burning  nightly  with parties and  brawls paid  for , * * *
!      Slip   \\ ii-.   p||l>     I In     s| iIiIp    Kppii.'I",
with AMS funds. Leopard skin worn by treasure* was stolen   ,-,(Ua|ii,.,. |,M)  ,ii |i(.- iMu-.p imuuup,
* * *
I'.iil    Aliwis.   I'm   unl    in|p!'ps|p,|   in
ac»;- "Lies, Ewing claimed he was doing reducing exercises. ' , iraim;,,
from   UBC's   zoology   department.   When   questioned   of   his
j   Haggert   Pronounced
|        Sex     Pervert
Bill Haggert. retiring USC
|.)resident yesterday pronounced
: the term "sex pervert".
' "The accent is placed on the
first word, and also on the first
syllabe of the second word,"
he explained,
EWING   CLAIMS
AMS FUNDS ARE|
IN  THE  HOLE
\,,]>    I'l'I'll-llt'lT   Will    I'iU illf||
,M"-ti'i'tl:i,\    Hull   ciirlici'   I'l'pri'l
n   S",m>l)   \MS   "iii'|iliis   ui'i'i1
(lei -inlciiiriil"   |)i'iiiii|tli (I   liyl
own  iimhIcsIn   xx f»i I«■ in td'l'iril
"I'lic      llfiiirc."      hi'      tlccll
"sliinilil   he s::ii.llllll.  nol   S'lOmf
"\iul  I Iir  wni'il,"  lie aildi'd
ili'l'iiil, mil surplus." I^p!||!|piB!iPjP^^
Friday, March 31, 1950
THE UBYSSEY
Page 3
Steady S.O.B.
One-Act Play Quells In One Act
Possible Ubyssey Revampment
(SCENE: The nlr is heavy. M.avi t      Hay: Yeah, yon sure are ti liinnnr-   n riiKulnr eohirnuist
tiian   imittil,   perhaps,   because   nil   1st.
throe  of the  room's occupants  hi,0|    Tennnnl: You're mxl year's editor
breathing,   laboring   under   the   np- j vie. Lay down the law. Lay It down
parent difficulty   of  thought.  Tlmy   M0 jt'|| n,.v,,,. K,.| up Hgnin. Met || ?
are, all three of them, Ubyssey columnists.  Outgoing editor .lim   Unu-
luim  wears a  puzzled  frown as he
(They all get II.)
eXi'inoun ho I sense some lack of
enthusiasm for my project?
I    Tennant: (Jet 'em !
Tennant; Thai's an Idea. |     (The Almiiilukes seize Hnssel and
llrmklniilon:   Shy,   does   nnyluHly! Hropklniclnii.    Mussel    allempts    to
know  ti   heller  word   than   "subtle.   >»'•">■' tl"''» with cigars stolen from
for?
scans a copy of Time magazine. In
coming.editor   Vie   Hay   is   draped,    Bnnlinm:  As NVIIIIe Stark said  In .......
.   .   . i    i    1,1      .....   ,-u „i   mi  the Klnir's Men" venh Hroi'Miifllon:  Well, I in reviewing
loosely over a desk, his eyes  llxert   an  im fixings mi n,    >» <>"• I -
Intensely  on   Ihe  pages  of  a   book'    Hay: Volln and pnrMeu. Les. you'" ,'0I,(•'',', J »'m' '«"■ wp,,k-
marked,  "The   Best  of.S.  .1.  Perel-   are discussing a siib.lect deeply serl-i    Temimil: Take ncllnn in r   hurry,
man." The lliird Is Hal Tennant. bis   0us to me. and If you do not accede   Vic.  I'm  warning you,  they're get-
balr newlv-rrnpped  In rigid, Alma-   to my request.. I'll push your silly i ling out  of band  (although  a  bird
duke  slyle.   lie  Is  chuckling  softly   face In. j in tbe hand Is worlh two In the bush)
lo   himself,   milling   a   pile   of   old      *,.,„„,„..    (still    grinning)    That   Ut'1, ll? ,. „     , ,,,..,
clippings.) „ would   be   a   most   regrettable   ch-1    Hay:   Nulla,   I  am   Indeed  ge ting
Ihmlnmi:   (Throwing Time  Into a   cumstnnce. Well,  gentlemen,  1  fear   ""gry. Have you never he,u,iol my
corner,   sneering)   Same   old   thing.' I must leave you. I anrmodera.lng at   '"*?    miper  when  arouseci?   VMth
Nothing new. All Ihe old cliches. Any , a debate between .1. Kdv in urr and , on*    ,     p V '"'•'•     .    „„
' , , ,     ..,,,        ' „ .,        ,..,,,. ,,   ,   .,.,,,,   ,,,   iw.      Bnnliuni    Like Gene Kelly   n The
discerning magazine reader will see ■ Father   Unity,   and  .1   want    to   lie   .,,    .     . . ,,,
Willi   half an  eye  that  llielr  movie   punelual, as usual.    Kxlls.) ''
['layers Mluli prnpertles, but, capitulates when Ihey brandish a club.
Five of them seize Brocklnglon, and
bearing him aloft, with some effort.
Hay: Wlial do you waul lo know   caiTy ,,„„ 01lt- Th(, (k,0I. L.|UH1,gi)
Interpretation?"
Ilanham:   How   about  "discerning
touch?"
Hay: Hoy!
Unnlinin: At least, discerning I'by-
ssey readers next year will have
lop-notch humorists as columnists.
Ten mint: I'll say.
Former AMS President Jim
Sutherland yesterday was ap-
ponted regular Superintendent of Brooms for Brock Hall
next year.
"I was swept into office,'1
Sutherland declared proudly.
"Now watch my dust."
Hurry Sergeant Moran. 1 iljlnlc
there's a man biding underneath
my beard.
OPTOMETRIST
ALma 3542
4580 West 10th Avenue
critic hasn't got n bit of discernment
Not a bit.
Mussel: ?whose face hys begun to
register ail fipen-ninulbed Hllle hoy
expression'    I    get    il!   You   chaps
Tennnnl: Well, I'll tie a monkey's
uncle,   tliouuh   I   hale   brlnglmr   my
liny:   (looking   up.   nodding)   You ; family  Into  this discussion.  Wcglus | .„.,'.„•(  )n faV(1|, „f ,„„. Ml..{
said  It, .lim,  Boy,  you  said  it.  You   singing a  Jingle he  composed  him-'     i n,u,|iaiii  and  Hay cheer. Tennan
put It In a nutshell, .lust like | knew j self, chuckling occasionally.) snarls.)
you would. . I     Banham: Something must h.'done.:     ,Vnlla,„.  I'm getlin' sick of dem-
Ihiiilniiii:   Thanks.,   Vic.   un hi-' Anyone   with   discernment,   even   in \ 0(.,.a(.y. Hrockie!
solution w-p have, anyway,  l'hy>sry j half an eye. can see Hint. The time, j     nP0,.yll)|t„n. ,|mmniing to himself
column-wriiing will he just  as lop-   Hulldog  ln'imniioiid says,  is  for ac- ; ,,,„, Wl.m,lu. |m|si,, (1|1 n,,. N%;ltt, y,,.
liotcli  as ever, Willi   Us  three  coming    "0"' | Harold,  whnl   dn  you  Want'.'
hack.   !iay,   fellows? !     Hay: HMit! -'They resume reading. |     -|vlllltll)t:   Are   v„n   still   noiim   to
Trnminl:     la/.ilv   looking  nv-r  his    ll:l>   l;lK's n"|rs l'|■","  """'  "' "*»»>%,  Ibrougb  will,   lids  crazy   idea  „f
seraphook)   Alisolutelv   right,   We're   ,','",n  "'"  '•"■■''"»''»"  '»""<• •»''>  I'1''1;*   an Arl  page next year?
Hie    backbone   of    the    I'bvssev.    „,' Up  Time   inaga/lue ngnln.  and reads ;     HrtM-Miifllnn:  Why   yes. of course.
I'acl,   vou   uduht   even   sav    fimnv- i Nvi,t'    •" ff lc-« 111 v.    M-Mimr    out    the , „.,„,,,,.   |fs  a   nice   Idea,  don'l   you
,,„„,.   ,;et It"' | l"^*'',' w,,,,,ls- Kx,'"l'1 f"r ""' ll,,"t'1-   think?
Ing and sinuing of Tennant, and the       '■«.,>ni.tiI:     snarls,   pulls   from   his
pocket a red whistle and blows on
il. Immediately Ibere Is a crashing
at Ihe door, and seven hoodlums,
willi haircuts Identical lo Tennant's.
cider. They sing Ihe Almaduke Hymn
briefly, and a spokesman says; "We
•Banham and Hay slap th.-lr | xxh,sp(.r ,„• W01,N r„,m n:IMiu.in.
Ihighs nnd laugh loudly. When the , ,(|| |(i s|h,M,_ T|||s (.0|llim|l,s |V„. ,,
n.tise has subsided, Hay wipes tears m|m||fi ||nM| (|)1, .m.|vn| of |f)|m
Iron, his eyes and says: Hrockingloi,   and   Boh   Hu-esel.   both
;llay:   I'.i.nfidentially,   though,   I'm   0f diem excited and flushed.'!
a   little   worried   aln.nl   llussel   and!     niri-kiiifltnn:    sits  down   lieavily)
nrnPkinglon. | Abhb,   ibis   is  bdler.  What   a   day!|,W;li,  ym„. ,„,,,.,.„ •• .,.,,„„„,„   pn|n|H
Tennant: llussel and Hrocklngion. | I've I n alt over. ! to Brockington and llussel, who stain
Why should we worry about those ,     Hay:     looking  at   him   rrltloallyl • ir<>inliliiifc.)
guys? j I should Ibink you have. I     Hiwklmiloii: Henlly, this Is awful!
liny:   'scratching  Ids  head)   Well, •       ,,MjiS''1  ""'ls  '"  m*'  "Hots,  leans ■ T|lal   s|nKjnK   Wils   al.omiiml.tr!   No
I    hear   rumor*.    They're    planning' ;iSf,illst  U"' «■""• "'"I eominences lo   luniiiony,   nolo  kick  us  humorists  off  the   page   smoke a  cigarelled ! ■  ^_
f.n.1 devote all the column space to      Brwkliiplon: We have big plans!
art  ami music and stuff. M''nl hlft ,llims!
llmdumi: Is humorisls!
leimanl: Art and music!
Hay: I know. It's sad.
Tennnnl: Well. Vic as incoming
editor, you should demand they
keep off. I mean, we got our rights.
IStinhiiiii: You bid wc have. ,Imt
like ill Samson and Hellah, one of
Cecil   B.   Itiinille's   lavish   spectacles
lliinliam; So we discerned.
lii'iieklii(|loii: uh, Ind ymi im n't
possibly have he,il'il everything. >'e\l
.vear, we're going to have a Fine
Arts  page!
Teunanl:    slops singing   Not
llussel: Yes! lie paces'back anil
forth   nervously.;
Hay: grimly Anil wind, parhleu.
Is to heroine of Hie rest of us —li mu-
al.   We'd   like   you   hi
continue   wiih    \uiir   ei.ini.in   every
so often. I'l'iliaie- w .■ can run a con •
lesl   al    Ihe   beginning   nl    liie   yi ar.
The   piTvill   who   hands   in    Ihe   Iii s
i ill i I ii I i< • ii of your minimi  teds  In I,..
hardly  worth  the si.'£> we're aski
,0   »,f'>'   ,V"'   '»•   ;|H   "">'   '"■-,,,,r"l,"ti,"ii'i'iM'kl.i, .:    Ml..    vo„    can    sill!
inovie-go,','    can    tell,    just     like    lu , Wl„.k   ,,„   ,,„.   n,v,s,„;   Vil,   vnll  ,.,,„
llnit.Saiust.il. he bad bis rights. ; ,„.  ..,iit,,t._jrt_4.|,|. ,.
The    conversallon    is    nhruplly i     ii..v.  'n   i |>
slopped   as    l.es    Armour,   grinning j     n,,'SM,|.   \,
broadly,  enters  hearing   under  each
arm five or six books on philosophy.'
\ I'liioiir:   i live lings,  gentlemen.       !
1111 \: .llisl Hie inall We Walll. ille
pulls    Armour    down    beside    him,;
'I'll. I'e seems In he a movement lo
give Us liuillol'isls Ille lieaV i'-Iiii next
\ear. Proi'l -ingliiii and llussel aie
pianliing   a    full    page   of   Arl    news.
Ai'intuir: 'lli.it   is  i'lcnni"   enlid,
Tennaul: 11 sine is. i >- a- 111. ■ w if.'
w i'ti ciiiildn'l li i\e a li.ibv -,, Id, no'
onl\ was she iiii'oliis'd a lifa hid
unbearable and im pi'egnaMo as s\i ,1.
I.et    il '.'      Tin V   all    laugh,   excel.I     \;'-
im.ur, wlio nods,
\iiiiiuic:    V  ciiiuiiioti   pte iiiiiii"iion.
Hill   W toil   f  'lie .III   !,\    tbe   b rill   is   1 11; I 1
l!iis-ei   and    I'.r...'kin-!.iii   had   |..'lh r
e.a . .|..ii   |h. ir   p! .ie .
Iliinliimi:   That's   w '• al   w e   mend,
loll.
.nniMir:   li. ,miim    I'm   p| nuihuv   !.. '
illi! i .le   a    page   of   I M| i |, l~o 11 il I CI I   Ilillls  I
lol'   Sllldellls   whll   lill\e   been    led    into   ei'ror   tin g|i   IP,,   machinations I
of   hie   crass,   m.tbi'i,llisl   siiciely   ill j
WllWl    We    live. '
,'l'here   is  a   sin,ill  silence.' 1
VANCOUVER
PREMIERE ...
Gilbert and Sullivan's
COMIC OPERA
"Princess Ida"
Presented Hy
KNOX   OI'IIIAIK    (illOl'P
In UBC Auditorium
March 31st and April 1st
75c — $1.00 -- $1.25
TICKKTS   \h\V   AVAILAHI.!',   AT
Modem Music Limited
."i.'KI  Sc.Miimir  Siccet
or  al
Auditorium Box Office*
Students Required
By Chartered Accountant's Office
S. E. Hickarcl & Co,, CharkTect Accountants, require
the sei'viees ot two artielod sliutonls as of tho close
oi the piesent University term. Aecountin" knowledge
preferred but not essential. Starling salary will be
based upon ' students' qualifications and abilities.
Kindly submit, application in own lurdwrithip;, giving
full particulars or phone PA. '.][)[){) lov an appointment.
S.   E.   RICKARD  &  CO.
CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS
850 West Hastings St.
dntUHCt tAt @4HtflU4
\UL>
/
not be tied up in blue ribbon, but that
little red pass book shows he's graduated with honours.
By opening his B of M savings account
early in college life. Egbert put his finances on a business-like basis — adding
"Practical Economics" to his curriculum.
And the experience he's gained in money
management will stand him in good
stead in post-grad days.
Whether you're graduating this year
or returning in the fall, drop in and talk
over your future plans with your B of M
manager. You'll find him a good friend
— a wise financial counsellor. Remember, a good banking connection is a
"must" for success in any profession or
business.
U4-10
. ...  ^7'1V ">,"* -   -,s'     ; r   ■'
Bank of Moih*^eajl
WORKING WITH CANADIANS IN [VtRY WALK Of UH SINCi 1817
Your Bank nn the Campus — In the Auditorium Building
MERLE C. KIRBY, Manager ,"r7*lfl
Page 4
THE UBYSSEY
Friday, Ma*ch 31, 1950
Ubyssey Chronicles
History Of 'Chord7
Latest Appearance Was at Dance
Played by 'Schmaltz' McMillan
(OTHER STORIES ON PAGE 8)
On the dark and wind-swept night of March 19, 1894 in the
;lammy depths of Vienna's Hertztenshammenweitzer beer gar- ^
dens, Homer Hepple-Thwaite-Jones, sensational 52 year-old
trumpet discovery from Peoria, Illinois, rose trembling, swaying
gently in the gale, td prove his startling claim of being the only
musician in the world who could make a trumpet sound like
a Jew's harp.
Thi' packed crowd, slowly sippinp
i'.t tine hrews, wiiiti'd tensely fur tin;
«>-
iillimale in aesthetic experiences.
An   indescribably   beautiful   sound
I'l'lll   till'  Mil*.
Iinnipiliali'ly   Hip   muffled   roar' of
Hi'iiny iloodman, who had flown to   |
CliimkiiiK especially for the perform- "i
run'.'.  Immediately  left   the hall  and
sK'UpiI affidavits that they li;i.| heard
Hip lost I'hoi'il.
iu;ti hned
WliPii   Ihey   I'clni'iiecl   In   convTal-
ail  explosion  shocked   Uie  crowd   in-jlllii!i'   lli'iril   Mil;,'   l'.i   lliey   found   the
to panic. I hall    hud    mysteriously   disappeared
!MISSI\'(i ; "'"' '" ''s i'"1''1' '!■•' *''iiid "'' a flying
When Ihe smoke had eli'aivd Hep-' rarpd   salesman  had appeared.
ple-TllWiiile-.lolles   was    nowhere    to '-'"-'   ;'<"l   llis   I':|'"1   li'1"1'   appeared
h" seen. Ills Irumpel was fmind Willi |l"   'r"l;-:''   "klahmna.   hut   im   trace
the  coil   stil'illR  nf  lliii'd  valve   miss
el'  I'o  Was  i-ver  finind.
CLAWING HIS WAY TO DAYLIGHT^ Vic .Hiy, editor-in-chief-elect for 1950-51, who will j'M'^1 '
I g _ j -i »'ll'-.liillr>       1*111**,      UIMI       i i i n       I'll       iihiii
succeed Jim E:mham, shown perched atop, the egg. Hay, who has held down Ify* features desk | |p,  NV(,|V |)ri|lu. ,.,,.,,,„.,,,, hl ., ,„,,..  ,• I
in. tiie Ubyssey1 <o: the past ;, cvir p-enksed students they would get the same accurate, unbiased   formam r Heethoven's sc,7:,iii con
report; n,;   thai   has   characterized   every   previ .:    Ub'-.-\:,ey. On hearing this, Editor Banham
inu and a small pi f heer-hollle I     l''il,;'1 appearance of the chord was
i .u!;is, emlipildpil ill the saliva valve, "lade i't-1'-''"'' in ihe Alex-mdra K.di-
I OiilalandliiK imisiid.iiH, .laslui Heir- , '-""ill in Vancouver where \| Mar-
ilz. .Ian I'adenw.f.i and Spike .limes, : Mili,tl "ni1 ,l"' Vancouver Oaenphunir
. slaiidin.L' in Uie crowd, swore Ihey ■<»i'ch.>|,','i were playiilK a iine-nijdit
i had heard Ihe lost  choi'd. i slil!i'L
\n   Irace  has  ever  heen   found  of       I'"1'''*     ^hislle     virtuosi,.     John
, .lepple-Thwaile-.lcmes. , lii'pei,io^lon   spnl.   thrice   decisively
j'  TI tiord   next   appeared  in  dark !''""'   ^'oek.il   mil   MacMillan   witli   it,
11 ! opium hell in lower ChiinkinK where :pn,:l|i   I'lark-jack.   He   then   rose   to
"ie   stand   and   emil led   an   iiidescii'b-
dy  beautiful sound,
i      III   the   cloud   of  an   ensuim.:  enm-
III nvei'l'ines . mercial  Hi Ivinf-rton disappeared, lie
iie-SlriiiK   l.iiiK   and   his   len   man
<p>. :t i 1 •   -'.i-p'i'i.d anfl :■-.'•'.ii"i-:e.l (.Li t-i I'iciva-o tho p
al'o.i oi' :s:)eithorn Tibot.
cert  iii A Flat Minor wi
in   Ii   Sharp   Major   for   ocarina   and
was found lour years later with  his
neup
Iwo   I'ronl    Ipi'IIi    missinu   as   music
critic   for  -i   third-rale  scandal  sheet.
He  has   ||"Wr  Iippii  .able   In   pla.'.    IhO
'",      police-Whislle    silll'e,
UBYSSEY  ASKS
ents
BooksSore Boss Claims Armour
Oiuse c? High Text Book Costs  „.,
Thro? rhf'.e'.on.s were round in the UBC bookstore yesterday <
ai'ler t!v   rush  foi' t ■.:-.•.,'!, ; ijj .
When rucst'ono-1 r.hou'; th.; skeleton- Jack Hunter, pif-TOt1
fit tho briok^or-- •:<;.■! :M. ho believed they were DP's  (dead i }»": "»{,,,H- »m: * »v*^v
orchestra.
riniii* mo\i:mi:yi
i iceasimi w as niulil uf January ht,
!'.!■.".). Duriii.c Hie third movement of
concerto noted hmellisl, Hum I.in/
I'o was suddenly sei/.ed with a violent   contortion   and   leaped   to   his    -_.._ _..___
tt STUDENTS
l.iiiK immediately  halted  Uie hand <
and   Hum   LiiiK   I'o   summoned   his
cnlirr  streiiulli   to emit  a  sound  of;       coi-diejll.v invite the entire student
indescrihahle heaiily. ;       IhmI.v,  willi  very  I'ew exceptions,
This time leadiim- nnisicians. Reno   to step slraifllil  uloiifl lo hell.
Mosiewitch,   Ueiijamin   Hritlain,  and ', Ten will lie senecl.
The   eililoi's   of   The   I liysse.v
Letters to the Editor
lililiei.o mipuhllNlicd leltci's from
Uijsm-.v   riles
pC"
i''.'".-1
d!.i ^' :.if:",:r;irim?n\
p"n:is
l|" .        o
llld "11
Hear  Jim :
This is.i'l fo!' pnhlicathm, .lim
p|i| hoy, hid I'd like to tiiank the
liiiii-p.i: lis,Ml llial's a Kf|od one, ell
pal .'    I h' ssi >   and parlicn! irl.v piod
I'm a little short, and would appreciate your sellliiiir up your liquor hill
■ •• . ii  les   \r ur. II-   said. ''Aim
■   ' i    ■ •■   "'il 'I'ih -'   phiJoHophieal
.   ■     PI   el,ps,    1.1.1.   -Mid   l:e   Ili'Vi !' j    ,;,|    Ciiiieloll    fill'   u. ■ I f ill J.    nie   W lli'1'e
e   M-   ia    I i"  :•: ae'.s  Ihi'in   on  I iaf i     am
■-    -■"    I •'    can   s,,,.   v\|',;|    |,,.    is ! '"   S'
joh I think next year's student eonn-
cil will do in comparison lo the sun-
lor   last   week.   After  'ill.  its   prelly , erlative    work    we    did    lliis    year.
handy lieinK aide to whip up to my   Nothing could compare  lo dm- aide
office   for  a   fast   one,  and   I'd   hale , tutinllinu ol   \.M^   111 iii -
lo have lo cut you off.
\i <MVH:.H
.ul-'   I    wll'i
JIM St "I'llKltl.AMi.
i;i>noii, ihe i'BVsskv
hear Sir:
I - ,p;.ose you are ulad as I am |     May   1   use   Ihe   editorial   columns
! p.  .,".•   I' :il   limn  Siilhi'i'laud  nufufjof Ihe I'hyssey lo sa\   what  a |ous\
j IP,.,.,,, a\pi\,,ii"  knows  that  he's as ] joh we think Jim Sutherland and his
; p ,„.■ p,|   p..   ,,   lion's   liind   le.w.   Weil.' council did last year. II  I'eully stunk
^ l'm  j,,, |,nt   il  siir >sl   me  plenty--, and we hope there won't lie a recui-
I \,,,,  i_i;' -. .lo all  rii'.ih!. <'li ? ' I'eiiee, of thai sort of thin.: next \ ear.
' I      s  ' . • I      l\
I'd',  point. ,
.  ! wh.il Ii" was l,im.'hiiii-' ' |li'   '"
\iivw.-y. Ihiiius'll he diu'erenl next j J'dIN I IA All.
a",   ami    II,"i'i 'Ii   alwavs   he   a    I     I       lilUTOH,  THI''.   I'lt^SSKY
; I'jpp   inr   my   pals    al   a    |»(■: 11 ■ Sir :
,   ...v.,   |   s |   . . ,  ,      | nip .   II"'   shift'   d-i"s i'i    utiiw    on |     I'ermll   me,   Ihrmiuh   Ihe   medium
"'ll ".'..,   pi;    p d V of  >ol|r  letters  hi   II li I ol'  Cnl llltlll,
e .'      :   i '|e ,,:>■    il'  Ml.'.I
ii'" wp.   i moiiopoiv ,
p       ■.'    - -I '   ll'inl  "   w 'n n   ii-,    is
I :p  "I '"|p 'I   . \ a'hilaii!   pi'icps.
"'..-'   ■'.'.    si .    I'll-    ia'.  I i   i o; ,i III"    ill   all. |
Jo, ■ :a- ! Mm ■. and rn mime up rush-'.'"
1 p ■ :■) ' • ■ a -I il'1. al ".im. a i'i hi
lee -mi.•■' h in-' I |rn h. i..i\- s,,pale a    ,'..   wad   i iii  dim   and   .on   pin   -pp
lie"    III  ll     ('Ills    ros.'s    lip."
'I  il!
'"''*  l:l      " '' M.a'hdn-'pi   -. nds   Ihaul.s   |n,i.  ami    hi commend you upon Uie consisleii-      t
■ im'! ;     'v.   I.''-   .-ul   •■■•me   •.'.:•.Ml    h - ; l\  hi.uh level nf cultural achievi un'iii '
,.,     .    •       imp   a. a,a"l-     l.nov.    wl:,'    I   im ail? I \ ou   and   volil'   slal'l'   have   liiamlahi-i
,,. • |  ji.pii, JiillN   I!. : ihrou.ii-houl the past year. 'H nur paper.
..,i(:ir , pi;,,,' ' " ht.  ".!iiTi»!S,  T:'!(■:  S ItW'i.V i is. sir. and  I  say   this advisnll.v,  Ih"
; i, ;, !■    dm; !  \nry  essence  nf jnurnallsllc  illlei-M'il>' ■
i,.,   , pp..in,  Jim.   add   im!   for   and should he a  i li'l  for iml  milyj
a   'I,"  - al, .  oi'    | ip.ii,'•.••;!,    |    wanl    hi    warn    you : eol |pK''   |ia|iers.   hul   also   our   com-;     IHCK  IHMSIMCCKI'iH,   prominent,  ini
.!'    It.    M     H.p.- aid  I'd;- any   I! i ii', who eiiaiueei'.'d    mercial  pi'p-s.  lo emulale. j Vancouver  lladio, said, "Itadio  musn
■'. i.dion   I;;..-    p.., v\;l>   in o my  simes in an elppiion ' >'oiirs   sincei'i'ly, he  coiilrollcl.  The  Canadiaij   Uroad-j
,'.,,•   w i-   .,s  p  une   a-  a   ! 11 a."- Inick ' CnlaiNKl.  MacKiMlMACK.       JcaslhiK   i iorpora I ion   does   nol    havel
'id!'    |    i.iov,    this   liis.   and   lie's   a    IHIIOH,   I III! I'HVSSKY j eiiomsli    power    over    private    radiol
'i:1'    ";   l!"            s  vm:' ..wu .nod, watch , bear  Sir; , s! a t ions."   lie  added,  "A   fair   licences!
j     May    I   use   || lilni'i.il   colnmiis    fee   for   what   CISC   presents   woilld|
riipa    i!    up   auain,   hut Mil'  tlip   I hy--,.-,   |,i say  wh.d   a   lousy    he   Ilea,'   Wla.iM   llian   W.all."
'   mlli J H ■■.
in   I in"  w .it in
i
I •,.
a i : ". ■
V,i ■ n
A ■    :
1''   '■"
'■'I''■'>"    ixs"    1 ,i"-"    m ii   km
'     d.     --I"   .'   M.is       s|,|,|,a|l  .'
.'  I" "l-.s so  niiie;i   m.ii'p I'
'"     I  i    wail   , I'i if    I a "pi,      ' !      ■ :   '
li'l      i'.'.lily      file     PV.I'V        '      '1.   a
■ . ' ih "p; I. s-'.ei lhal
v. as id'i ieii id ';, miiH-
oid!  ie.'.'i   \p:;   ip'Ipii,
I,"   said.
e    ''.!    ' ' ■    \ ■",   '     '■.,'■• i
d.   --1   ■' I    >    l' "I1"
ir   I'm'   .i r i >    .a'   lim   hunks
■"H"    liipiu    ■ aca     ia.Hid
.' M; -p . .>   I K i .lull."
The Ubyssey
Member Canadian University Press
AmhoiT/ed «.s Second Class Mail, Post Office Dept., Ottawa. Mali Subscrtptiun«-$2.00 per year.
Published Uiroughout  the university year by thc Student  Publications Board of  the Aiiua
Mater Society of the University of British Columbia.
Editorial opinions expressed herein are those of the editorial staff of The Ubyssey and not
necessarily those of the Alma Mater Society nor of the University,
Offices in Brock Hall. Phone ALma 1624 For display advertising phone ALma 3253
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF  JIM BANHAM Friday, March 31, 1950
THE UBYSSEY
Page 5
luncil's Women Take It
Fly After One Night
rec dancing  girls,   hired   by   it<>
lit   council   for   its   animalistic
\l  last nlghl, were  today   inler-
(I by  Pbyssey  reporters al  the
couver   airport.
lie  girls,   homeward  bound,  are
lesslonals from  tlm Canal  Zone,
|\vero located in Hie lunch-room
lb  watting  for   their   plane.  All
heavily veiled.
Mice   have   not   laid   charges   a-
llt them, but they were told lo
I out—test I"
LS liARE ALL
girls wer»' a little reticent as
to  bare  all  the  facts  relative
lieir shenanigans with the C.oiin-
||»ul  at any  rule  told  reporter*
more than can be printed here.
la Rue, spokesman of the trio
iou  nosey   reporters  give   us  a
In the . . . We ain't (fone noth-
to lie ashamed of.  Besides, wo
eat, don't we?"
[ubbles"   Hndy.k.    Ihe   youngest
ber, chimed Iir,
eah,  Just   cause   we   got   more
your mealy-nioulhed Utile ma-
glrls   up   here,   and   we   ain't
Id to show it, you can't* blame
|ce buncb of kids like  Ihem on
Council for going after a  little
can  you?"
v   other   girl   Bumps   Cnslun/.a,
led a little and said.
'hat Pele de Vooght, wind a guy!
he's cute!"
an   afterthought   added.   "Too
be was plastered when lie asked
o move into bis t'loallmiise."
OLDEST PROFESSION
len asked what they did at the
,  tbe  girls   looked   at  one  an-
anil said nothing. Pressed for
nswer, Mitzl In Hue said,
Iii, we just klnda entertain."
what, way?"
, we Just dance and stuff like
Bubbles here plays the clarinet,
y good, and  Humps specializes
iorta,   well   kimla   sexy   native
leg."
Irhat  did   they   pay   you?"
Ibncc for a  moment, then  Mif/,1
I simply,
lenty!"
PAYOFF
this  moment   the   loudspeaker
lunccil   that    l-'llghl    i   for   San
jolacn was  leaving  inn lialely.
|girls got up and said.
long jerks."
je of ihem  left a  len dollar bill
lie counter  t iver   Ihe  choline.
•looked  at   tin-   leu-spot.   It   was
lony.
-r—<S> , <§<
Eileen Moyls, retiring president of the Women's Under-!
graduate Society, said yester-
I cloy she is expecting to gradu-
atc from UBC this spring.
mfhar Forecast
Ibyssey Finds
ielf Hundred
'er Cent Right
father in Vancouver will be
and variable today and Inuior-
Jillld Hie t'byssey Weather bur-
Igives odds of ten to one Ihat
III continue that way for Hie
lot'  the  year.
|nds, will be mild and Inlernill-
aml occasional hut conllmied
jered leniperalures will not. The
(last night and high today were
fold.
nv  depth   bit   an  all-lime  high
weekend,  but   Is  again  variable
|webs should cover rubber feet.
Ihe    lasl    nine    months    the
Isey    Weather   I H'l'ice    has   fore-
em    expected   son   and    been    lllll
lid   correct   all   Ihe   time.
ay    Herlle,   Hie   new    chap's   a
|derlllg   good    egg,    y'know.
* * *
it'gle,   I'orgle.   Pudney   Pie,  kiss-
fills and made them
Will Shake Speare?
Biggest Question
Of the Year
Friends, Unmans, countrymen, lend
me your ears, 1 don't plan to keep
Ihem long, hut yet I live lo say,
"Tills   thing's   to   do."
in:rom: .... '
If  It  be   love   indeed,   lell   me  how
much. There's beggary  In  love thai |
ran    be    reckon'il.   There's   enough
to   make   us   all.   ' t
Of thinking too precisely on Hie, i
event, alas, look here, my lord. She |
speaks much of her father, Coneell i
upon her father, I say.
Gome, my i|iieon; last night you
did desire It. Come, my masters, let
us share her, speech Is nothing I
How long hath she been thus?
Oh, oh! This is the• poison of deep
grief! Nay, II Is of a holy, cold, and
still conversation. Aye, it is just
so high as It Is, and moves with Us
own organs. .
Pray you, let's have no wttrds of
thi.-c but when they ask you what
il  means, say you this:
Tomorrow   is  St.   Valentine's  day,
All  ii   Hie morning belime.
And I a maid at your window.
To  lie   your  valentine?
'lour money!
AK'I'EH  ....
(lot wilb much ease, n, cone
away! My soul is full of discord and
dismay.  Bow  is  II   wilb  you.  lady.'       Prof,   .losrph   Crumb  of   I'BC   H<
o,   we   are   undone,   both   we   «"«!   ,,.,,.,„„.„,   „,■   Kconomirs   vest,-da
our   forever!  [declared  thai   "Ihe busls which  wo-
llence,   saucy   eunuch!   Peace!   i», <
thy  vile,  lady! She  hath   rohh'd  me   '»•'» sludenls go out on i>rier exams
of my sword. She rend'red life, thy   these  days"  are  possible;   owing  lo
name so burled  in  her.  Inarm  me.   jl0slwar   economic   monetary   Inl'la-
the long day's task Is tltfhe, and we   |ii)M ..
must sleep.
Vancouver Branch Office — 402 W. Pender Street
ERIC V. CHOWN. LL. B., Branch Manager
Mil. A. 0. IH'NTON, Chairman of tiie
Canadian   Broadcasting   Corporation ' J\
sale,  "What   'bis  country   needs   is
free baVoai|eas-,ng.  Radio should not
be controlled.'
Female Busts
'Caused by
Inflation'
Which
V"Sensational! Mr. Likkitysplit! Will you say
a word to your legion of admirers about your
impressive victory?"
'Sure—to keep ahead of the other guy use
'Vaseline' Hair Tonic regularly. It beats Dry
Scalp and keeps the hair in first place."
ineHAIRTONK
'  (nsl)l'    M A W h
•VAilLINf 18 THE RE8IE-TERED TRADE MARK OF THE CHEMEBROUOH MU3. CO. CONI'D,
...has the PHONY?
SEE
£    How much easier
0    How much faster
%    How much phonier
it can lie with the new Phony Rruvsicre Mt.
The look  Hint  {i'ves  thai   natural  ua\r.
REMEMBER
%    No fuss
0    No  muss
#    No bust
■*
Carolyn,   Ihe   Iwin   on   tin-   rigid,   ha-.   Ih.    I'le:
heeilia, her sister, is wearing h\di'ou"ii hidom
The Ubyssey Because flige-t^r
•£..,..,.
d;;;>.*H;  ■_■■''
fti'-<:
IVidty, Mtrch 31, 1960
?:;"{'
ILLICIT STILL FOUND BY POLICE (tot|ir«d:<iut hundreds of gallons of liquor to keep student
councillors inebriated at their parties tWfn Imported show girls. Councillors; skilled lectures
to work at still and turn out booze for parties that night. 'Rat' Cumming, wha squealed on
councillors, tipped police off to location of still. Provincial Police said, "Okay, we'll take over
from here," and prompty locked the door.
MARGARET   LOW-BEER-
famed for cultural activities on
the campus, was caught in this
pose by Ubyssey cameramen as
she prepared to entertain her
fellow councillors. Said Miss
Low-Beer, "This is real art."
WAGES OF SIN
SHOWN IN
GRAPHIC SHOTS
Shown on these pages are* tt
wanes of sin,
After the dlseoyery of the
orgies In student council oil
councillors scattered like etijj
hrforr the wind. Before lh«
could destroy the evidence hoy
ever photographers for The Ulf|i
spy not these graphic pictures.
» , d
Iii (hem Is told Ihe liorrlli
havoc thai councillors have wnj
with t Indent funds. Their sit
have once more plunged
Middy Into unprecedented deli
Today "Honest John" McKluiii
was hastily counting pennies
see lust how much money hi
heen spent. "This may menu]
fee raise," said the aging,
halding (3H strands left) Home
of Ihe students Imagination, i
«$
V^l
* -v.
WANlt'D BY POLICE lo explain their barbaric carous.ngs in
Sludouw Councd Officer are Walt Ewing and Jim Sutherland
(iibove) .shown here disguised. Disguir.c would deem lo indicate
the fugitives wore headed for the bwh where it i.s alleged
Sutherland ha.s a hideout. "I always knew that Sutherland guy
was not better*than an engineer,'' said Cy White, former president of EUS when he heard the news.
BEGGING FORGIVENESS from police matron is this chorus
lovely who entertained Councillors night after night in drunken
orgies. She and several other companions were paid large sums
ot student money to keep councillors satisfied. Girls left town
today under police guard and were told not to show their faces
in town again.
RAl
ed
forcj
chad
torn]
Sut|
dand
-'11
Km
OI
Al
mil
thel Friday, March SI, WW
--■■—■ ——■■— ...■■.,„»».,«,,.
 ---fift't
aaaWaaaatMaaMM
iff'
TOEUBYSSBV
- - * - -»^rM —•' >   -! W n ■--**''- 4 ■ ■ , -.
Pigt 7
.,   >a. . 4.jM> ^*   **t i*!»t«*r     »■      «  TP"aSr*,.V »      V.
a        *      .a *     .* <     *■ «
*<
a.       t    ■>
feee:!ff"e.-:;e;;::'e.        .     a;,.;
LUST IN HIS EYES President Jim Sutherland drags a
^ coed into the AlVtS offices to force her to take part in
*y sw|eitl dier-e every night. Coed, intent on going to library
fltildy, is screaming and kicking. Nightly, whole chorus lines
rushed into Vancouver from U.S. cities totafce pfcrt in the
i-ties and entertain Councillors. <
>iyy
#•*    ^
ING, who squeal-
sillors after they
drink too much
|md  play  a  torn-
that Ewing and
irould  he  able  to
BILL HAGGERT is alleged to
be implicated in the orgies
staged by Student Council. An
athlete of sorts, Haggert is alleged to have said he was meet- >
in§ Ewing and Sutherland to
"hoist a few.'
m;-&M
> ^z'yy '■
':d§n?#',*s;
fs:':eS.»>ffeJ.:e:j
*5.
tf
Mi.'Ja
%*t\ t
**r*{ • i ".il
GETAWAY CAR used by Sutherland and Ewing was found overturned in Vancouver hours
after they mad4 their getaway. In the car was found hundreds of dollars of student money
with which the culprits had planned to flee the country and set up another vice ring.
iT4
■STUDENTS CROWDED into the UBC Stadium today . demanding return of
^r they learned that councillors had put them in the hole another $30,000. "Dam-
id one student, "if you can't gr e us back our fees, you could at least let us see
STUNNED AND SHOCKED by the news that two student
councillors have run off after discovery of their carryings on
in Brock Hall offices, officials of the administration hero bewail
the student's lot in a graphic photo as they left a board of
governors meeting last night. Page 8
THE UBYSSEY
Friday, March 31, 1950
Capture Of Lost Chord
Aim Of UbysscyV Plan
im
All Hidden Witness Has to Do
is Send Mother-in-law's Name
(HISTORY OF PLAN, PAGE f)
Somewhere among the millions of regular Ubyssey readers
there is a man or weman. who knows the anwer to one of the
most hideous tragedies in the history of civilization.
Somebody, somewhere knows who stole the Jest chord.
For scores df ye.rrs, trained investigators have been completely baffled. Men have devoted their lives to its solution.
Vast underground networks of conspirators have succeeded in
"keeping this hideous moral horror from the light.
Tiie Ubyssey, ever a crusader for truth, justice apd accuracy, is determined that justice shall triumph and the truth be
known.
With the backing of outstanding authorities, whose letters
of commendation appear on this page, the Ubyssey has devised
a completely new and original approach to this problem.
Here is how the hidden witness plan works:
The Ubyssey Looks
At Some Current
GOOD BOOKS
ME ANii PLATO, by Los Armour.
'   "lucompitrablr  .  .  .  ."  Hrvlrw nf
Reviews.
"Halr-ralnl..*'.  . . ."  Ei.Klnecrln<.t
Journal."
a r,iiiLH'» »;ahi>en of sex, by i
H. MrChann.
".  .  .   . n  collector's  Hern."   B.  C.
Laundry  ...izetle,
"Prodigious . . . ." llvKi'lu.
"The ifiealest IbinK yrt." Annloni-
lo.il rtevlew.
FILM miTICFKlXCi, by .'lim Bnnhnni.
"Strikes ii  familiar sound." Time
" nerve,"  Clyde Gilmour,
'Sun!.
Someone saw the criminal who made oft Avith the lost now to make money on REAf.
chord, but they're afraid to sing. If you were that person or ^^JJ^ ™^ „„,, ...
Vinrr.
"Should  make  money." Dominion
Government.
HOW TO MAKE IP A MAJOHITV.
by  Clement   Attlee,
"...  ,i   bare   outlliip."   Winston
Churchill.
". . . elementary." .1. Stalin.
HOW TO FIX ELECTIONS, by llinrh
Cameron.
". . . dell.iibtrul." John Haar.
". .  . diwini'iiiuliiiK." Hill  lla^orl
HOW   TO   MAKE   A   Sl'HPl.l'S,   by
Waller Kwing.
".  .  . sonielliiim new."  Hob  Hat
Wiii.iI.
". . . fantastic." Les Armour.
IMARRIFJ1 A UlNf-KltVAnVE, by
.loo  Lotzkar.
"... won't succeed." Dr. Topping.
"... unbelievable." .loe L'd/.kar Si
The Ubyssey "Find the Lost Chord" plan was heartily I BEr.AME A liberal, by ike sebm
endorsed today by Professor Kopec Alaskin, head of the UBC j m"n'      ,     ,,   (]
... ,     i,  in >.    ..     ...       .• •  •  • ^ood  idea,    Gordon  Martin.
Department of Music. »'''" "» «"'»•;'» *'»1"T ""' "»"H    ... . . (if,m,.ii,i,,^ we .ii.in'i know.'
"I do hope you find it." said Prof.! f"'"" s"i"'   '   »'°P" » * »" tt{™- n.C. Rar Association.
Alaskin   as   be   twirled   bis   floor- | ^ "" ^ «»b-maJop scale which | mw T(J BREAK HTRIKEH. hv 0..r
persons, set forth the details known to you in a sealed, un-
aigned and typewritten letter addressed to Box Z-Y-P35275-
9504746355879047484X4, The Ubyssey.
DO NOT SIGN YOUR' NAME.
Sign only your mother-in-law's name. We guarantee elimination of your mother-in-law should your information lead to
the arrest of the culprit.
A grand prize of $4.87 will be awarded to the hidden witness whose information solves the mystery.
Please remember your mother-in-law's name. This is your
only proof of identity. If you haven't got a mother-in-law the
Ubyssey can arrange a convenient marriage fori you on terms.
length beer opener chain that hung
will couipleti  our one tone system."
from his /.ool  pants. Il- tapped his      Tl"'  P''»'v«««»' Pl^nl  up a   huge
fret   to   tic  music   of  "Bounce  M"   ''•vmhnl   wl,,«'"   ht'   !MW,,,"»   ""   llis
Baby   with   A   Flailed  Fifth"  as  he
•pokij.
Hodigan Cold
After Losing
Pyjama Chord
"Sure, it's a great idea," said
flhief of P'.lice W'eiller Ifmdiuan.
commenting on Ihe I'bysseyV "Find
the  Lo.-I   Chord"  plan.
,\s be >|i.»l;e llu'se words Ihe Colic e Chief lode a few iiriicllce whacks
Willi llis lead pipe black jack at i
model nf Mayor Charles l.umnshnl
stacked  in   the  corner of his office.
"If son lind Ihe any ihouurh,"
lie continued, "you'll have lo lake
thai, chord away from him. "lie's
liable lo use it io slide down from
Ids  cell.  Couldn't   have   thai."
The   Chief   of    Colice    levelled    llis
■lican slumler at a brass spilloon in
the corner, llis aim was away off.
"Had ;i hilla trouble wilb chords
lalely, said llie ii>;lntf ')•> years
head of lb,, police Force. "Why only
last week, I lust Hie cbord outta my
liajamas and I'd  Hie |,-|| you J |iadd;i
l'|e\ i|   of   ,1    lillle."
"Now  .uiiiilne   a   description  of   the
Chord   will   ya,"  said   tbe   chief.  "I
file  il  willi  tin' stolen  car division.'
A I'bys.sey reporter explained Ilia!
the plan was sciirchin^ I'or a lo-!
imislcid chord division and no! i
mission' Cord rar.
"nli," ;|ud Hie bidding police'
chief. "Wed. innybe I know wliei'e
I can find it right now,"
"uh," said   llie  reporter,  "where."
"uver in Cordiioy on Vancouver Is
laud," said Hooligan.
head.  "Cule eh." be  commented.
"If we can Ibid that chord," he
continued, "we'll tic able to put
together Ihe most mellow rooney
piece of bop you've ever heard. Man. ■
it'll send Ihem right out of Ihis
world." i
Creparin'.'  t-o  leave,   the  professor |
said, "Well slip me Some skill  kid,  1
got a class hi musical nomenclature..
Drop In, it's the gouesl."
don Southam.
"... I.T.I'." Hon Croniie.
'". . . revealing." .bihu L. Lewis.
THE AHT Ol  KIDNAPPING, by Cyril
White.
". . . shouldn't happen  to a dog."
.1. Hanham.
". . . wasted lime." Hugh Cameron.
HHUIKS FOR I.NGINKKH*. by  I'ton
Duguid.
".  .  .  bas all   the depth  of  Les Ar-
nioiir." Don Mnlr.
'   "... I  knew   he had it in him."
Jessie   McCarthy. •
er
Tht txamlnotion any man
can pass is the once-over he
gets from a female of the
opposite sex I
And tht way to pats
is this:
deck yourself in a shirt and
tie styled to harmonize per*
fectly with each other and
with your suit.
For txamplt, for pure harmony, you can't beat a new
Arrow Easter Parade shirt-
tie ensemble. And what
colors! Brand-new plain
pastels, pastels with intense
striping, and deeper plain
colors. Several collar styles
. . . all in the perfect-fitting
Arrow tradition. All SANFORIZED labelled. At your
Arrow dealer's.
ARROW QsiitY^^e^e^b^
(Shirts and -h'es -fhaf harmonise!)
1Mb let Mi* trodo maid* ARROW and SANPORIZIP
Cluott,   Ptabody   &   Co.   of   Canada,   Limited
KIRK'S VARSITY SHOP
4444 West 10th Ave. ALmti 1211
THI WATCH OF PROTBCTBD ACCURACY
Superbly styled Challenger
Watch, hy ETSAMt, that will
give many years of dependable
service. 10 kt. gold-filled case,
17-jcwcl movement.
JEWELLERS
Serviced in our stores from coast to coast
&M.0.C. vfedis AA!
That's right... Big Man On Campus wears Arrow
Araglow, the Sport Shirt that has everything!
And we mean everything . . . count 'em: (1)
trim good looks (2) a wide range of absolutely
washable vat-dyed colors (3) 2 styles: ever-popular
Cabot and a new, versatile, with-or-without-tie
model (4) neat collars, handsome open or closed.
The gals will eye your brawny torso moreso in
an Arrow Araglow. See your Arrow Dealer's
colorful selection.
ARROW****st»*&>*
look for tho trodo morkt ARROW ond SANFORIZED
Cluott, Poabody & Co. of Canada, Umltod. mfimmm^
Friday, March 31, 1950
THE UBYSSEY
il
Page 9
Cameron Admits Fixing AMS Elections
AMS ('lections were fixed.
thai   ihiu.mh   I   ( hi   f-'f|   tliat   babe       Now  all   )   hadda   iln   w;is  wl  the    Umt ■ Haar   and   McKinnon   arc   the   Ihe preferential s.v.sb'm --- >.'fciys lik,
willi   the   rule   little   ...   in   Iln    marked baliots injo the boxes.
i    Tho  TbysrM'y  wiis delighted  loiiay j ii|,n,ry  lo ko out wilb me. |     well,  it   ;iin'l   bio  bard  sc.'.   I   i'eil
||lo  learn   thai   Hugh  Cameron,  chief |     Ho  I   badger-,   'em  for  iiwbile  and   .„,    |„,||   w.ilrlnrs   a   mickey   urn!
reluming   el'ficer   durinu'   the    1'jr.t): finally   I   g"ls  Ikf'iu  to  put   up *•>'»'> | then  took  over for-'cm  and  pushed
elections l.ad done a marvellous job'1'"1'   " !'   Tllis   t,i"'1    s"   '^ ! the ballots through Ihe holes. 1 doe.
winners Ihey all gives mc Hie glad   Sutherland    and    Uuss'-yoii    know,
band see  -jilt  i'\c pi   Haggert. and  1 jguys  like  |hut.
still g,d  Ids dough. See,
So after Ihiil'wc goes down  lo Iln
Anyway    on    the    third    euunl    1
makes ;i inbdnke ami ields du of llag-
I   llieiili
:       --        '            '         ''  .„       ,   '      I Ihoindi.   cause   Ihiiir's  got   a   prclly , n.lS  „|   s,,Vru,|  ,,tt,..|-  polls  loo  and   Mayllng   in   Chinatown   and   there's   sliiff-hul I dou'l care , it don'
k accepting bribes,  s.ul.ing ballo     ,,„„„   sl<|n        ,   |ll/(|   ,,„„,.  (,on't   „ „„  Wl. ,0„s  ,„    ,;„„„,„   .,,,„„   ,,„.,„„„„.  „,.,.,.,. nl ,  lli;it  S1,t | „„.,„.„   ,„   ||l(l  „„„,
loses  and   insuring  Ihe  elecllon  of
.bilin Haar. .lohn McKinnon and eight
(Other  councillors.
have  much  effect   for  awhile, j |„  4.,>t(,,|   •,,„,
Anyway llie next day I'm I'lggerin
ul   ways   lo   fix   Ihe   elecllolis,   sen
of   stuff--) a    know—it    was    pre Ity
Cameron squealed In, an exclusive
Interview    with    Ubyssey    reporter    .--ya know she's got a cule lit11r
iNo-Nosc   Nanoosc,   al'ler   he   found
(that  be had  been  paid off by  AMS
officials with  counterfeit  money.
In Ihe council room I gels a bunch,i! ],or|n^
When    I    .rels'the'bailols   on   \Ye,l"^U>S  VV||;|1   l!""'1   l<llmV   m'lhi"  1,l,,l"t
nesilay from Ihe hiihe Kay Mcl.onald    "l"   I"'"'""''''"""!   *>«'•'"'■   "V*   W
Ihe
Following is Cameron's slatrmenl
|to Ubyssey reporter:
"Sure, that's right, the dough they
[gave ur1 was as phony as the clec-
j'ttoii. M'licn I gel my hands on that
lllaar guy, I'll  . . . I'll . . .
And after all the trouble I went
Ito see llial ihem guys got a seat
Ion Council. And then tbev go and
[gimme eoiinlerfell dough. Well I'
|-flx tbein guys-I'm gonna rat on
'em.
All   IMs  ines-  stiirb'd  on  Moinl
•'ebriiiii"  o. I'm in I1'" 'i'M'-'"'  s
jn'--aln'   w;'-;   Ih.    e.it   .. I    !!,;:<
[Wilb    111"   e|||e...|    lill! ■    .    .    .      ;il
KlOilll     polie"     ;iiliii"llis!'. i|     C:'li|i
[to conlinue  w ilh  his s!'i:'y.'
Well   Ihi'se  i.,!i',;.  war'   nre   lo  r
IW'llll    Vlll   see.   '•-•■i    |    m    '("Hi,..    |
Ilia he    that    t   \Vas'  lellliiT   ya    :i!     ■
Iv'oll'l     gilllllie     a     I illldde.    See.     T  I
• k    llie   over   to    Ihe    l.egioll   oill
land  Ihere  was  flaar.  McKicnoii
■At  Westcoll; who's  inaaaiein'   II,i i    s
|c.'iiupaigii.
Well, tti ,y ilon'l pull no puili b >
is   '. Iii fart  'lay |e| me have il rn-l I
|f 11   Ho'   fiice      a   llollle   of   W lli-key   all'l
ark of smokes, mi' lhe> sa\ , "Look
ll :,iineri.ii. we got a lilt le deal for ya,"
Harney   Huss   ami   Jim   Sutherland
loo-I    gives    llii'in    lo    Ihe    polling /"ys   lllil'   ,ll:,t'
clerl.s. ' j     Nobody wants lo cheek signatures
What I don'l do is give all Ihe , *<> • Hlxes a ipdck once over and
ballot* and sheets that the voters j -"ays everything's okay. Well any-
signed back lo ;McDonald. This leaves ^ay all Ihem guys that don't know
me idiouliiitu ballots  over thai  can   nothing • ami   me   coufusin'    things,! we found a mistake of 7."i voles. An
So Ihey  (brows another parly and
there's   dame> and   likker  and   1li.it
So anyway, next del)' llaggerl wauls   sluff—bill 1 don'l  care il don't mean
lo   know   why   lie   don't   win.   So   I ' nolhlu" anymore/
la-)Is   him   I   got   it   fixed   If  lie   calls |
a    recount.     "Don'l    worry,    I    says,!     S"  «l,f'>'  ii;l>s  "'" "lf s"f'-  T  ''""'I'
"il'sUn   the  bag." j use  none of  Ili<- dough  al   first be-
, ,       , ! cause I'm  leary. So last, week I goes
Well   1   tr)s   lo   make   him  happy, fjn „       |(i ,,, ^ , h( (,
""   ""'   |•",',"ln,   ">■   ,,,,l,n    ,ilm   l"al!.iUK for spreading counlerfei ,„ey.
lie used to rig the election.
So I goes down to the Tnlcin of-
flee and begins |o mark Ihe extra
hallols. I marked 'em Haar, 1; Haggert. t: de VookIiI, .'I; Walker, 1;
and Ibid jei'k Islierwood, I puts down
llflb. I ilon'l mean thai mily fosters
a jerk see- the) 're all Jerks.
il  all goes off on  lime, see. I way IliiugsW'enl lietler rause w e got '     I   Kol   high   ideals see—Hull's  why
When ||'s all over and I announce,   giiys that didu'l know notbln' aboul   I'm  raltin' on  Haar and McKinnon.
So Ihey explains lo me Unit Ihey
Want Hie election lixed, see. Well 1
Igolla    Ihink    last    'cause   1   already
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ED. PECK
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<P&*41fo/0fie fojutt fyouA, Jyoe
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195
AMERICAN
a«jftt% w%\ EswflwTra
fl lim  ill
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som: w un: i:i.
(ini'nii tin:.is
Q Wll;il   ll;i\.'   t'ri lii'li   Wo il   leil '.'
^ \\'|| it     II ive    Hilh'i    Womni    Hot '.'
£ Willi      ll.i\e     .1,,11.,11'^e     Wo |1     Col'
^ Mlhsl', '
^ ||n\Y    to    Milke    .1     l."\ t'olioll
in   \'our   liiis.'inent
^     Tliiires   lint    No   t»111     >l!oiild
|,Hii\e     ;i!nill!     M'\
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\e\t-oV-Kin 4,"1j^>~* * "I
Page 10
THE UBYSSEY
Friday, March 31,
assion
SYNOPSIS
I).'. Itlchnrd Morgan, six feel of good-looking man, with dark wavy
hnlr, clcur grey eyes, and a ready smile, Is In practice In New York, where,
nt Ilic anr of nineteen, he Is already famous for n reverse chores!ovalulur
i pcrlostoiiiy, which lit performs with one hand tied heh Ind his hack,
|    Ilia nurse,  henullful, iiolden-litilr-*-
; ed, lui-l.,v-\olecd, pouly-llppcd, slat
TYPEWRITING
Eanye, Theeee, Note*
Manuicrlpti
Mm. A. 0. Roblnion
4180 W. Uth Ave.      ALma 09111
"GUESS WE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ARTS EH CY."
A Play In Out Act Depleting;
Monday Madness
II\   JIM   IIAMIWI | culture  to these poor mIoiv.iI slud
Tin' eiirliilu rises on .1 law room   enls.
in   tiie  ci'iiln   uf whicli   '.here  Is a |    KE.Xs Aw lell Itiem rubes In go to
long   table,   tin    Iwo   sides   of   the
room   there   are   panelled   windows.
pot.  . Kveryone rniirs with  laughtet
except    KEN    who   does   not    even
A door leads on stage from left. Mn | smile.)
iii'siiue, fihirloiis, curvaceous, Wanda
' H< Ihlocd, Is madly in love with him,
hut he only has eyes for sloe-eyed,
raven dialled,   cherry-lipped,   sultry,
i live-'-l.luneil,   leinesliintis,   passlon-
1 le, diUMiecously-ciirvcd Dottle Mill-
'   ll|inn,   who,   unfortunately   for   Or.
Morgan, Is already married, and has
clglil children, all of whom nre eminent  Austrian hrulu-surgeons. Dottle, however, hales her hushand, hig,
affable,   generous,   carefree,   Spider
, (iarflnkle, head of New York's mini-
j hers nickel, because nf Ihe fact thai
his   mistress,   who   is   Ihe   ulfe   nt
1 Dottle's lover, Is making 11 play for
Dr. Morgan, nnd while Dottle herself
Is not In love with Morgan, he Is
Infatuated with her, and has promised   lo   give   her   his   rip-siinrtliig
collect Ion of gall-stone*,
In Ihe meant line, Wanda, tired of
wail Inn   for   the   iinrespniiNive   Dr.
a sin,ill led).'!' running around llirei
sides 01' Hi" 1011111 arc a large number
nt" silver trophies. It Is niglil and on
the wall there Is u large calendar
Willi Monday, March (1 showing,
l-'i-om the background can be heard
voices which get louder as they ap-
pro.ich Hi" room. Four people enter
all clad in long academic gowns and
carrying pads or books. JOHN, who
is older than Ihe others advances
towards the table and puis down a
pad.   lie   then   turns   to   MILDRED
who   seals   herself   beside   ll il ll.   The
others   arrange    themselves   around
Hie    lahle.
JOHN: Where are the others'.' W •
iia\ e a lot ui  business tonight.
KEN: I'll call Ihem. Ih' goes In
ihe door and calls JOAN!. (.EDIUiE!,
il   the opposite end of tile table from
I'lllE! Then lie returns to his seat
JOHN:     turns  lo  MILDRED)   Arc
I lie    minutes   of   the    last    meeting
readv ?
MILDKED:  Yes.
JOHN: Mood.
The rest of the people enter.
They, too, are clad In long academic
siiwiis. 1*1111. is a well hullt lad
with a sweater on which the letter*
IM' are int.rlwined. JOAN is an at
tractive girl with dark hair am
ulasses. (.KOIMiK is a sharp faced
hoy Willi swept back hair. They sea'
themselves   about   the   bible.
JOHN: Will the secondary pleas
read  the  mi Miles of the  lasl   meeting
MII.DIIED: The meeting of tin
lio.oriiors of Ihe Student llody of
I'odunk I'niverslly was held in the
Movi'i'iior's   II00111   al   *   p.in.   on   .   .
l-'rniu Ihis {>i 1 i 111 on the secretary';
voice is Inst in the babbling of
members around Ihe table. IMIII.
rolls rigare He.-; and pills Ijis feel
Up   on   Ihe   iable.   For   the   ii'.-d   .d'   Ml
meeting  Ii"  chain  smokes.  (iEOIMiE
writes old Holes on pieces of papel
anil passes them lo other ' mali-
lllembers of the group who wink and
leer hack >l Mm while eyeing Ihe
girls. JOHN chain smokes ami sucks
peppei ini-.ii- as Ihi'iiiJ-li he had hai
hreall . K|.;\ siis willioul siuiMn"
■ I   JOHN,  'nu'   minutes  are   adopted
111 >•< 1; 1 ■: I ■ 111! *    the   ui'eMng   and   sneers
-is   is  ad.
JOHN:   Is  :hei e mis   business arls-
■'lg   ' I "'1      l!o     luiuuli s '.'
<...':>IU...':    I    .should    like   to   know
'■\ ha ' he. i" , 11 done nliolll eeplaeillu
k : '"'•' ' ' I'ols I "(Ml IO I Ihe palio
'I I' " -iuu"iits buil'liug. I mil in d
"■ 'a •     'he!    I in \     were    in    terrible
-h.'h'.
.ilMSV:     l>.   r ■ I I : I J . -.     Ihe    seiT'leH'V
MM.imt-:!):  Mr.  Key of li". |i'e|,;lrl-
11 11' ':; ' :h ;;:-■" <-\' Ir-.iiniug I iilviv
'> I 'ilcln s t,,!,| ,,,,. ||KI| j|'s n|l |()
-   lo   Link   after   Ml"!!!.
JOHN:  (Hanging bis gavel on the 'Morgnii, has secretly married Viacom-
table.) Order! Mnler! All those In
favor of giving Ihe members from
the Aesthetic aud Atomic Bomb Committee more money, whicli they
won'l gel, signify In Hie usual manner.
,AI this point MARIE, a pretty
girl rushes into the room.)
MARIE: I beard you, I heard you.
You were talking about money and
I was told by the treasurer that If
there was any extra money I could
have it to send a (earn of female
tlddleilv--w inks playeis lo Canton for
Ihe world finals. I demand thai the
treasurer ylve us a report about
what's  going on  around  hero.
KEN: Well, it's like Ihis. All  year
we've been operalhig oil the same
li\ei| costs which have 1 lea 11 a severe blow to the operaliiiitf margin
which in turn lias shot our marginal
returns all to lull, nur marginal
returns haven't reimbursed the general fund any and we're just about
d a point where wc don't ask for a
fee raise next year we'll be as had
as two years ago when our operating
margin looked like a piece of beef-
diak run over by a ten Inn truck.
In oilier words, we're bankrupt.
JOAN: I don't see what that's got
hi do with  il.
KEN: 'Angrily.' Mb you don"l eh.
Well  let   me  lell  yoil  .• .  .
JOHN Hanging Ids gavel on the
'able.) Mrder! Order! Perhaps Hie
"oprrsenhilive from Hie Physical
lireakdowu heparlment wishes to
say  something about  the  money.
Will.. (Taking his cigarette out of
his mouth I on'.' enough lo answer.'
I rloii'i  know enough about il.
JOHN: Well now Hint that's over
we can go on. Any new business?
('••il.:   lei's   raise   ihe   lees.
All   Ihe  people drop   llo'lr  pencils
and gape a!  him. open -   mouthed.
MILDKED:   Hut  why?
PHIL: So all Ihe hoys ou Ihe foot-
Mil  team  ceo  have a  bottle of rul)- j
hing   alcohol.
KEN:   How  much  alky   hi   it?
PHIL:    I,'its.   Say    did    I    lell    you
about   the   alky   parly   W"   had   .   .   .
He   is   inlerrupled  by  JOHN   who
■.■■Its In.' .ed. r.
KEN: I'' th. ii; t-i:!•. s gel ,-, hot!!,
'I'   ilkv   II'",- 'II drink   il,
i;EOIW;i:: \l.i\he It,af, why we
''-I ad II use game- Ibis hear,
PHU,:    lb",,   lei's   not    gel    hairy.
JOHN':   i:rd"r.   How   much   do   \ou
Walll    III   raise    the    fees.
PHIL: I idmiio. I diuuio enough
about   II. I
.<0\\:     .tumping   lo   der   |V,.|.     | j
Weill      IIIOI|i'\       for      ll!''      I '     Clld III'"-   j
shll'Vl'd    sludenls.
M \IHE:    I    want    some   money    |n
\'    I'll,   I "ini   ,10 \\   leaps   lo   her|.send   a    team   of   female   |,|||!   i |i n.'gi'l's ]
!  01   a   rode.,. J
(.EOlNiE:   I   want   uuni">   lo  go   lo ;
I'm -a ,.  : , ■  |i ,   World  Wide <|;|i|eii|
Conference   h,   he   he'd   ju   Paris,      lie ;
jumps    in   on   the   t dd"   and   sl.u'ts
hi  do  a   Ceili   can. i
JOHN:   lire.ad   llid-r!      His   Voice   is
hist      ill     Ih"     shouting.     The     people  I
•IOW:   I  want   lo  bring  Ihe Sorie|\  [ around   Ihe   lahk    hurls  oaths  at   one
io:- ihe Promotion of Heller Chamber | another.) .,,,jj     _|j| I
Mu- >• |,, (i is imiveisily to give some Ct'ltTAIN. |
le AleKAiiudre Consliintin, (iiislavc
Ht. Ellenne d' Eclienanl, Due de Hi,
Vauhec, u fire-eater nl»t| nearby a<
iiiiisement park, where lie works
every evening. Having nothing lo do
in Ihe evenings, and tiring of the
Minll of kerosene on her husband's
lii'calh, she becomes the mistress of
Spider (iurfiiiklr, who eats Hen-Sen,
and whom she met one night nt a
whlsl-drive.
Then, one night, Wanda received
a wire from her brother In Sheboygan. The following nlghl her husband's act misfired, and all Hint
was ever found of him was his |
loupe, slightly singed, but *<ill usable. She was a widow. The following
nlghl her lover, Spider C.nrflhkle, was
blasted by a couple of hoods In Ihe
pay or (ilmlel Ma//otll, rrom Ihe East
Side combine, The combination of
tregedies, happening one ou Ihe
heels of Ihe other, gave her quite
11 had headache (he following evening, und she determined that never
again would she, ever, al anytime,
regardless of.the circumstances, und
in spile of everything—but at thut
point there was a knock ul Hie door.
(Now read on).
CHAPTER MCDXVIII
Wanda sprang off the couch in alarm, her heart beating a
quick tattoo against her ribs. Who could be calling at this hour,
why, it was nearly nine. With a low moan of fear, she gasped,
"Just a minute, "please, I'll be" right there!"
She hastily  ran  about  her neatly-^	
kepi   little suite, lo tidy  up. just  in
case, -dull    no,   il   couldn't    lie,   but
only    If    il    were!--anticipation    iv
placed   fear    oh,   it's   Just   got   lo   b
Palpitating with emotion, ball'-
lainliiig with desire, she mo Hied
with ecstasy, as his eager lips found
DRAUGHTING
INSTRUMENTS
From $10.00        i\
T-Squarea, Protractor*, Set 84111
MECHANICAL ENGINEERS
AND
POLYPHASE SLIDE RULES
AMES LETTERING
INSTRUMENTS
ZIPPER RING BOOKS
Complex with Shteta and Indi
from fl,l»
FOUNTAIN PENS
Clarke & Stun
Co. Ltd.
Stationer* and Printer*
SS6 Seymour St.    Vancouver, H.I
oh-ainl    wiiile   all    Ibis   was   u,nin,J Im'I's aKain.  Her blood raced  Ihrouuh
thi uh   her   head,   she  deftlv   sWe,,!     I"1''   '"'"'I   '<"''   ".robbed   In   tier   |e|ll-
1,11   emptV    Kill    botlle    under   a    sola'    l'bs. as her I V glowed with  seetll-
liere.  and  a  eou   of  tin   cans  he-    '"*•    s,'("',',>'"^    I'"-**!""-    rendered
^^S~f
hind a chair there, and a heap ol'
cigarette hulls and t'isli bones under
Ihe far corner of Hie carpe'.
She I Idled tier hair, put on fresh
make-up ami Hie Hikini bathing soil
In whicli she customarily received
male callers, and 111 a voice hoarse
with  mounting passion, croaked,
"Collie    in,    loVel
even more ecstatic when her bubble
gum became entangled with Ids
pivol-loolh.
Suddenly   the   lights  went   011.  She
opened her eyes lo look al  lit lltMl »H t
(To He Conlblued)
We  were  only   playing   leap   frog
siili'l    Ihe   tlushess   as   she    look   a
Tbe door opened, and al thai 1110-1 prut fall.
nieiil   Ihe   lights went   out
Wanda barely saw the tall figure
of a man in the doorway before the
building was plunged inlo lark
ness, then she was In his arms, her
ilps bruised by a violent soul-searing
kiss. She closed her eyes and responded witli whole-hearted ardor lo
Iho  visitor's caress.
* * *
.And where do you think your going said Stalin as Mrs. Hoosevell
rushed   through   the   Kremlin.
* * *
You've got your nerve trying something like that said Hie mad halter
when  Jim  Snlhrelaiid  stepped  thru
I
CANADA    S    \ ■ I N \ S
f  I G A H t- ! !' \
■Hichard."  her In-art  sting, "Hirh-   the  nianbol
IQQtCfa
footwork/a
W.IDE,   SHAPED;--v
FEtt-.LIHtD
TON Gill    ,
I Ih'
■■ 1 a . i-,   ,
:•   ,M.r
.IP»\:
'WU    is    off    her
oN -- ,,  blue sweat-
'ii-'d    il   h.-r   !',„■,..
I     waul     some
■HHIV        He    Hoes    llol     look    al     her
boa \\ e   l,,lM'||   I    ;:ny,   and   What    d'1
,UI'> Wa V '.'
SCIENTIFIC
f 0 0 T    f I TT I N tt
•   IAST  '    V
•" sj
NONdSKIO    ,'
(REPE   D'ESIfJN
0 U T S 0 I E      "
N0N-CHAFING   TOE
P U It - P R 0 0 F
EYELETS-
' '  11   w .ill!   il
ASK YOUR SHOE DEALER FOR jSS^jfSS^THE SHOE OF CHAMPII J.l,i..J.,eeJ>ii,J». ,
ae.a-.-^a.eU'a-ss.1 "ewew-J' ipe"!'i!,.^^
PPP«»!IPPi|""."filP*P
Friday, March 31, 1950
THE UBYSSEY
Pr.je li
Graduate Manager of Ath>
letics Ole Bakken received an
ultimatum. yesterday   by   an
official  at fhe  university  to
either "produce or get out."
Bakken tried to board a university hiis at llie bus stop without
paying a ticket. The bust driver told
him to produce a ticket or net out
of the bus.
in
Night Crime
Administration was still in
an uproar today, not having recovered fully from the shock
that turned the building into
chao3 yesterday morning—
when discpvery was made that
a copy of the constitution which
was ready to be sent to the
printers of th-" 1950-51 Calendar had been tcrmpeic;! with.
HlVicials   said   Hi.'   (".nil   i!-'.'il   b.i'l
ll.'l'll   (loile   sOI||e|i|||e   lllll'll!.'-'   W'l.lll.'s--
rluy   nl.u'hl   ur   in   II tri\   Im»ur>  ul'
Tliursiliiy ninrniiiK jiikI as > • I no ol'ii-
ciill Hull'",''' luul h'-eii laid 'tsaiu.i
a ll > <ill.'.
t'hyssey reporters mi Hi.' job managed to s.|ii('.'/.{' a trifle ol' hifnr-
matlon from llie nfllrers who tried to
malrUaiii Ibidr "k"i'i> uium attitude.'
BILLS GIVE SCRAPS
Meagre scraps ol' inforinallnn
which wrrc wrung frnin.llie oftleers
were these:
Nature ol' llie crime was thai
clauses of Ihe •constitution dealing
with money mailers were secretly
changed. Main alteration In these
clauses was the raising of fees lo
$18 dollars per person, wilh the
extra  two dollars going If) MAO.
Cine oilier tampered clause gave
Men's Athletic Directorate control
over delinquent athletes who persisted In playing for outside leains.
fines were lo he imposed wllli
money going to MAI).
liemainiiig as lighl-lipped as ever,
11. C. Police ofilcials warned reporters that "that's all we can say."
They said they could ind lell report-'
ers that Healed footprint,* were
found outside the ofllee window, or
that a  lllg Itlock  •••.'"'was  found on
Supports Phys
Ed Student
Indignant cries were raised
by local welfare officials when
they were presented with tiie
case of a University of British
Columbia Phys Ed student be-
in<? supported by a young girl.
Officials got wind of the atrocity
I'rom   a   story   llrst   printed   in   the
pages  nf  the   Ubyssey.
IHrcclors    of    Ihe    local    welfare
were out lo this campus Immediately   in   an   attempt   to   remedy   the
situation.
Story    which    appeared    in    the
Dick Penn, Intramural-boss, i'»>>wy was about one of the Phys
...      ..      .    ,    ,        .    .  ^.jLt.   '':<' students in  the Oym club who
will retire to bed early tonight vv;ls .,„,.„,.,.,„., tn l)a,o nip ,„. was
alter a hard day at the office, being supported by a young girl
 -•-     In Ihe'chili.
FORGIVE, FORGET, J	
THAT'S MOTTO OF.
SPORTS STAFF
Wc off lie Oopic.v '.ports Hcsl.
woi.d like '.' lnl.ee tlis oliiir'.-'iiiilec
In;' "||\skni>N HsHfs 'i ul (le lousy
(ii iiiiiinei tV ill lelci'i'iiliics wr '-a
I'm- 'il up on .viio/c (|u> / an (furl/
boo \-2 li'il.veil Iwo recil II stnV
w'lich oui '■_. Iiciiii i' i ft ii t i ii f j ul
ycrr hut w it'll som pecplc sny wc
\i Iteiin ion|)ii!(l wich is |ii'olily
ii bcter way off piitlinu il bid
II ts so tlifrvKull Jille noo/c all
vporl un sluf wi-ii I ha/ 11 hinifl-
ofcr UK inns off us have ul dt'
lime In It Life* ore nerely nlinos
inns id de Time (wich iss » ipul
liinfiasiiie nn Itnulinm riles Ills
inonvce lii'it Ikisms from dem liny
tie wny) . . . well tin I Iss witll
we wauled '1 appoloillsc i an
ones! wur story a
Very Virile' Is Title
Gven to Gordon Baum
Well-deservin* winner of this year's Virility Award, pre*
sented by the Ubyssey, goes to widely-known Gordon Baum,
iecretary of MAD. /pagne and caviar. "If you had cham-
Iii with a heavy field of applicants a|u} cftv| ( ^^ get
Ha.in.   outclassed   them   all    n   the  beef an(, m| mM_
eyes or the twelve lemalo Judges. lnlm.|ew w,Ul wlnm,r „ai]rn
chosen for their declared experience showp(| Mm ^ bp ^ W(,|( wopthy
In  this sort of thing. •  of tho homt  H(, showet) ,.L.porter8
StllTesl competitor to the winner Where he had made more progress
was "Fireball" Uiarll" Wilker. who  |n  this  field  t»>an   any   other  ono
slnglff amateur on the campus.
WITH I.H.HTKO EYE*
With head bowed in reverjcnee
towards Oakalla, Maum gracefully
accepted the award from the women's
represeribtlive, while the gallery' en-
MreKy composed of femu.es. \'.ohed"
and  "awed."
"1 sincerely hope that'liiiay
adequately fill the position to w]iich
these women have raise me." stated
Raum when the ceremonies were
over.
Pogo Stick on
Campus as
New Activity
spi.r
' Made Himself
AVID    SPORTSMAN    Jerry
MacDonald haa been named
the '"'Self-made man of the
Yesr" at the University of
British Columbia. MacDonald's
comment on the award was "If
Latest advancement in the field of, Rinsey can do it, so can I ."
is   pogo   slid;   raring
lle-i
the   scene    nf    Ihe   crime,   or   that    n,w   '''"'I  U'IS   hi.iiiguraled  recently       „n  lh|, ronlniry,  my  (|l,ir  m.„t!|.
..ii llieninipusl.y Ihe rnilergrndunlc   iorll.ss,   >mil.   |IIIH,,(1I1I,   is   ,   v,,ulUv.,
I'liim   ^1 irk   Soclely   for   the   Heller-    |)i|(|  ||;||
lilenl   of   American   Allll.'les. !_	
All   those   Willi   alliteles'   fool   .itt.I
3*T YtARS OF SERVICE
TO THE  UNIVERSITY Cf
BRITISH COLUMBIA,
ITS FRATERNITIES
AND SORORITIES.
THERE'S A REASON
'Olid
i i,llllil.
Crime    el    c'o»."
ill   the   conh'.-.!.
female    friends   of     '.''IrehaH"    put
up an intensive I'iclil to ,i_i\, him
the reward wliicli Ihey felt he so
richly deserved. ;
women sipponrins |
Supporters declared that  his beer'
and pretzel technique had something
that you wouldn't have with ehani-.
STATIONERY AND
PRINTING CO. ITO*
S6o slYMOUR ST.   VANCOUVtH. t C
trail   of   Hi.'   footprints   |..|    to    the
North door In  llie  llrock.
MAI) MAD
(lutra.u'eous  wrath   was   voice.I   by
We Have Cap, Gown
and Hood
SUtdtoi
We Specialize In
GRADUATION
PORTRAITS
4538 West 10th
AL.  2404
(Opp. Safeway at Sasamat)
who  Ii;kv.' always  wallled  lo he  nth      W**
h'h'S   will    ||.i\v   ha\'e    lll.'il'   Opp.i|'l||||
MAD prexy Hilars' Wolliersponn who
pledne.l   his   lull   silpporl    lo   appre-
lh,Ml1   Ll"'  l'"1'' hilii,"  Spoon   related   Willi   a   sad "ex
Wolherspnoii lilnl .lice Ihal    Vl.t>>uin   „n   hi>   ,■.„.,.   wlljrll   M,m,
he was suspicions or a eerlain well-' |()m.   ,,,,„„,,,,,,,   .,   ,,,,.,,, ,,
known    eampus    imli\ Idual.   "I    saw
this   Hi.iraet. r   siie iliiim   around   Hie        ^
campus  ;is   I   was  aleml   lo   -eo   hoin
fl'Olll    .ill!'   M \l *   IIU'i'l illK'   .    .   ,"
"II   w ss  almiil   '.' :oil  a in.
M ilon'l  Know  whal  h uh I have
there   al   Hi..I   lime
thai   in  I in'   is  .li en',"
lime,   Ihe   mysli'i'y    r
main.'d     iuh.oi\e.|.     uiieslioiihiii   ..
alerl poliee, on the joh iliV'sl pj.il in-
ill Ihe "fliiHitl.'i'lili'il dowen on SOI 11
Avenue,   ilecl.ire.l   I hat   "w. 're   riulil
he   w;
up    lo   no
al ii
11 h'"''I he hall. \\'i''\" In s|i in\ i'sl ii.
II.'*.'    lor    llMII'-.    \\'"'M'    toil     loU,    i
i inie.  i h'"ll   I urn  ii j. sooner or  later
been doll!"' .
ul' :>.i;.',hi .ml
ii I."
I 111    ,l.l\ i1'''    ol'    W'ollier .j  noil.    I".Hi
wenl   easily   onlo   I'o    (rail   .>!'   I ,>!■'. 1{. }{. if.
I ..j ■ i ■ -. i. t ■ • n I      K.I     I'i'.li'i'son,     r'lil'1   h.iifi'        She     was     oid>      a     .u.irlin u'eiu i n
friend   and   a>-.oH.i|e   of   -spoon. ''■'m>-111. r.   hul    she   was   mil    lo   I
"I    baled    I'i    say    ; 111 > lliiiH'.-    about sliii'l'. il   al.
CASTLE JEWELERS
4.-)(i0 W. lOtU (Same block as Phone ExhnngH
ALma 2009                                              (Also nt 752 Granville)
See Our WATCHES by
Bidova, Elfjin, Grucn, Uolex, Etc.
ENGLISH DONE CHINA
Special Discount for Students
EXPERT WATCH REPAIRS
-^
r   s.s.
•»<n.
high
in ttcticfousaess
u^^   A., v «*>♦«.  'vAaHiUto**H.WM&iSii*leMAi&tH4***iiMj4H*t ***.4. :£ '.. -
-*y^*w T' * :.'A0-]. U'iy
i.ifi'imtkr ef L^ftui
1 Hifffif¥
*i*£
'V&'i&J'rf("■ (**** "*  '<
Friday, March 31, 1M0
- wty.V- s-e-ii.
^■#3*1
This Man
^k _1_±m_4_±
son
With B
Stopped on Way
Toilet Bowl Sees Results
Basebai. co.ch wiy Ander.      Of High Spirits Yesterday
™n was held up on his way     To raucous crlos of'Xlood TldUlc!"     UBC's highly-rated Thundorsncrds chips lour foot ln. diameter and ton
downtown to the bank With the ! amJ ..Wel! f,0ie(|r moro than 3000 walked off with the Gold Gup but foot tlddles for thc benefit of those
first   gate   receipts   from   his screaming,  shouting  students  wit-[ fast-working   police   officers   gave |n   the  stands  who  had  difficulty
team's games with  University ncssed the thrill-packed opening of chase and soon had It back In the following progress of play  ln last
of Washington.
Anderson was going West on Duns-
nwlr on a Mncllon.ild Huh \vli»n n
truffle  aeeldent   slopped  all   I raffle.
Anderson was held up for
minutes.
yesterday's Inter-college Tlddlcywlnk
tournament in DUG Stadium.
Hilled as thc "Toilet Bowl" series,
, „; "h  college Spirit   ran  high  during  Ihe   l",|z«'(1 '»'  le«<l»mlllm all over Vr
I    ililti ii | nnnveiv
hands of the rightful owners. ,
Gold Cup, emblematic of hick college Tlddlcywlnk supremacy Is mueli-
in-
afternoon's    Tlddlerest    that    saw'
teams   from   nearly   twenty   other     Staged on a grand scale the world
year's Toilet Bowl extravaganza
when teams used regulation two-
Inch tlddles.
Mad Answers from
MAD Official Bare
Plot fo Students
"We almost pulled a fast one
cv the students of UBC," said
an official of MAD yesterday
in an amazingly frank interview. "We almost got ourselves
a pocket full of cash at the last
AMS meeting when we tried to
smuggle through a two-dollar
increase in MAD cash."
Ili'lbbi';' liradiiali' .Van.'HMr of
Athlelies 'Mr H it.-l-'en. I.is Iw^-yiMr
rontrael   in.   mad"   lh"se  sti11>■ 111■ ■ 111-
to di'lvimr I h\>sey i'"|.orleis vi'shT
di) wloii |.ul und' r llie infl'i.'ir >
ef truth s""iiiii. *
"All. I'iis univi-'si'y Is I'u'l of
KUrh'TS," shit.s| |||" retlriil'j; li'."; '
MaMai-'or. ".iiiil I l"-y v. "i'o jusl w';d|i
Inc to be I'lvee. d. 'Pie till)" Wiis rip
U'lieU We |,||!l.'il i.IH' fist I'o'lll. |i||!
W"    We| I'OSSi'il     ll|l     Solllewlieres."
miokt (in\(;»:
".\i"! whil! ilio we wunt the e\lra
Iwo d"","'- I'm;•■.' li ■ : Hial's a lauu'h
We tied II ■■ ii!ii\"!'..i!y that lliey
Coubl    -''!    i's  ,|u    ee.i'ho  ^h.'aj,.- ',    ?[
idlo'l!    Iwelll)  ■ :,\e   e.  ids   a    Sllil!."   Hi-.
1.1 I ll- 11    ' I'ho-O    |l||'iai'''!l    llie   nl'l'li'e.
"\\ ', I" ' : '■ ill ! ! ' ' W er> I. '! I ill'.e of
'   IS)     '   )     '   .i\ ill-'     III.l!     IWO    lllleks    I'e -
. ' o,'  :.  '.   , ' i  11 ,,;   i1   wouliln'i   h ur!
lie'     '.III'"'     e-.|,|iil'S     f'lllls."     AUotlirr
fan,1'tie d   laiul'.   ■ 111: i h a s i/."' I   by   the
tllZ'd   ")-.>,
"\\h).   !! "a   I'I   'a
hi   i"  '.:,Oi'   s  i|0"':r   .'
ll Ill'nW ill -    'W a)   'l
"f''!'Wis       |i,      sa,;;i
uy -I'.e.n \  ,.\
e   e e ,-•   „,V\   !|e
Ui')      Ml   il     W.tll
!o   > v": i:; ■! 11 m
NMC-:i**.r: s:'\in» uiv,sti'»\s
I'.'O'     le   I      |ea      ni,.re      i|l|'   -I lulls     >, I ', , (
-:,.U'! ' r U" she-..  ll.iUi'ii  |..■/;■:) ..:;■.',':•
win n  he  i:'.11  ,,\er  his fh.-l   fii.
"li" I" le II ,, ,V|,| illoud, ' ttli.l
 -'       W's.M     I,,, , ,.     ,.,   ,,(..     ie      l,  ,,,,(,
•i' M   ).m" In  hi',,    Ilia!   |i'i|,  |'i|  | !■,,.-
o-'h  I  I'ouid  hiive  slopped  work   \'*iv
a   eollpli'   of   yi'.ii's."
"Hut I e.ui'l uuder>hii)d wlial Went
w :'"'i-. II mus! have heen (he work
'■!'   If '-"   »\ inplioiD'-lovers."
\nd as lie u.is led uvv.iy by at-
!' ud mis. he was mumbliim lo lihn-
s il. si.iiielhiii.u' alioiil not li'dliu' aide
'"   iT'der-laud.
\V< II 1 do think sonielblnir should
:•" i'"Ue iilioid il said l'eler d"
\""'-'il   wlieii  tie w,w iieurge tjuin-
jniiiK.
Interviewed ln his heil at the hospital Gooch, lying on his stomach,
** Mttra    t VVith  a  wlld  8h,,1,'K•  Elolso   f0"  ,>o1*0" lvy League co"p»c8 partlcl-' famed scries was played In mons-j coul(J onlV *roan anU-ask reporters
BC POLICE of the university backwards Into the lobster pit.     | pat* I trous shapo with participants using I what his wife would say.
branch are looking for this roan
Sa connection with the tampering of*the constitution. Anyone
[knowing of his whereabouts
please keep it to. himself. He
may be dangerous.
START THE TENNIS SEASON WITH A
NEW RACQUET!
ZZZzp
"THE COLUMBIA"
A good racquet for beginners or school players.
Laminated frame, silk stringing, suede leather
grip. Light and medium weights.        4a99
"THE COURT PRINCE"
For hard-hitting players. A white ash laminated
and reinforced frame, tightly strung with clear
4
nylon ahd trimmed with colorful shoulder
binding. Leather covered grips, varying sizes.
Light", medium or heavy weight.      10q95
"THE RELIANCE"
For public court players. A finely made racquet, tightly
strung with clear nylon. Laminated frame, leather grip,
Light, medium pr heavy weight. /»2f 9
TFNHI5 BALLS — Mercury 3 tor 1.00 — Slazcnger 3 for 1.63
MEN'S WHITE DKILL TENNIS SHORTS  2.69
JACK pURCELL TENNIS SHOES Men's, pair 5.45
' Ladies' pair 4.95
WilliE ALL WOOL TENNIS SOX pair !|5c
Mercury
3 for $1.00
Slazengcr
3 for $1.65
<^0^*^a
•    Spoil (lift <<<>nil
e     I it'-i  I'iiit I' I P

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