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The Ubyssey Dec 6, 1940

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Chistmas Seals
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Fight
Tubercul
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"PUBLISHED TWICE WEEKLY BY THE PUBLICATIONS BOARD OF THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
VOL. XXIII.
VANCOUVER, B. C, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 6th, 1940
No. 20
CANADIAN
CAMPUS
By JACK PARK
(A C.U.P. Release)
-}.,-.,_,_..-..,—„_„.-.„.«.„«_»,—,*«_.
"The Gateway", University of Alberta
The campus of the Unlveralty of
Alberta rests on a high plateau a-
bove the Saskatchewan River valley.
It commands a magnificent view of
spruce-covered banks, and beyond,
the spires and towers of Edmonton.
The University buildings are of red
brick, bulit In a hackneyed style of
architecture.
Ita steadily Increasing student
population has tar outgrown its quarters. Lecture rooms are huddled into two main buildings. Labs are
overcrowded. One bright spot In
campus development however ls th_
prospect of a new transmitter for
the University radio station. Since
its beginning some fourten years ago
CKUA has been an anaemic haywire
transmitter carrying classical music,
educational talks, and no advertising.
AH that ls to be changed. A provincial grant of 930,000 ls being employed to replace the old cobwebby
apparatus with modern, powerful
equlpm-ent, equal to any In the West.
The new transmitter will blare away
for sixteen hours a day with commercial programs ranging from the
better radio shows to kidney pill
transcriptions. Classical music and
educational will be continued as well.
e    e    •    e
"Step right up folks and buy a
ticket on this remarkable Uttle Phll-
co portable. It's supplied with batteries, can use A.C. current too. In
fact, Hitler uses one of these to listen
to the news from London. It's all
for a good cause!"
A drive for the Christmas Fund has
been launched, and the proceeds
from the radio raffle help purchase
food, clothing, toys and other necessities that make Christmas a merry
Christmas for hard-up Alberta farmers. Carnivals, dances, and tie auctions will be on the agenda for the
next   month.
*    *    *    *
Over eight dozen Christmas cakes
have been attractively wrapped and
sent to students, graduates, and faculty members of the University serving with His Majesty's forces overseas. Banded together as the
Waunelta War Workers our women
students meet three afternoons a
week In the Home Ec. lab. to undertake different phases of war work.
Besides cake baking, the WWW's are
busy knitting for the navy and alr
force, sewing for refugee children,
while a considerable number are attending first aid and motor mechanic classes. The Co-ed War Club,
a subdivision concern-eel with raising
funds, sponsored a mammoth dance,
the Dogpatch Dig, during Sadie
Hawkins week. Admission charge
was calculated according to the boys'
waist-lines at the rate of two cents
per   girth   inch.     Th-ey   raised   $55.
Sadie Hawkins Week saw co-eds
take over the reigns of our "Gateway". Male staff members were
warn-ed to avoid their usual haunts,
and for days bedraggled women
could be seen rushing from the office
their arms black with printer's ink.
They produced a beautiful edition
printed on baby-ink pap-er. The
headlines were startling: "We Froze
Stiff as We Watched Them Win ;
"Blood Flowed in Streams and Us
Without Spoons"; "Will Mamma Get
Her   Be-er   Money?''
....
Can a crow fly 900 miles overnight?
Yes, says an Iowan. No, says Dr.
Rowan  of   the  Zoological   Department.
Dr. Rowan has bottle-raised seventy crows. If crows drink from
bottles. These dusky doves have
never kept company with adult
birds, so they have no experience to
tell them how an ordinary crow
should act. All they have is their
God-given   instinct.
Dr. Rowan waited till all tho
crows, except his seventy, had gone-
south for their annual winter vacation. Then ho banded his flock,
painted their black tails yellow like
miniature Nazi bombers, and released them 20 miles east of Edmonton. He wants to see if cney can
migrate without t he guidance of
older  birds.
Next, morning after their release
Dr. Rowan received a telegram from
a farmer in Iowa saying that Ive
just saw two crows with yellow
tails flying overhead. It's 900 miles
to Iowa, and Dr. Rowan scoffed.
Next came a report that one of thc
crows hod beon shot 120 miks from
the point of release. Well, maybe a
crow   criild   fly   900   miles   overnight.
Howie   McPhee:
Athlete and Scholar
That grim reaper, Death,
has again reached out his awful
hand and snatched from us one
of the finest youths ever to call
thla University hit Alma Mater.
The tall, quiet, world-famous
sportsman who walked In these
halts for the last time as a student only laat April will never
more grace our campus with
hla smiling presence. For Howie
McPhee, winner of the Bobby
Gaul Memorial Trophy for 1940,
has gone to meet the namesake
of that trophy In a happier
land than ours.
The shock of his paaalng,
two short weeks after he waa
stricken following a day of
physical education Instruction
at his school In Grand Forks,
B.C., has stunned every one of
tho 2300 students here—moat of
whom had witnessed, and all of
whom had heard of his marvellous feats on cinder track
and rugby field. Those who knew him personally
mourn a straight-forward, sincere friend — one
with nn ever-present grin and capacity for making
anyone feel at ease In his company.
Howie was a shining example of an nil-round
fellow, nnd an example who - loved to work with
the boys who hero-worshipped him. In high-
school days he was a leader In Tuxls and other
Christian boys' groups. Later, while at Varsity,
he spent much of his time at the Boys' Industrial
School, helping tho unfortunates there who had
started off on the wrong foot to get back In the
right way.
Then, after he had finished his teacher's training course here last Spring, he took his high-school
sweetheart, Lillian Brown,- as a bride to Grand
Forks,   where   they   prepared   to   face   the   world
HOWIE McPHEE
together—Howie doing the work
ho revelled In, teaching schoolboys to build better bodies and
minds.
But, although these were
the things that lay deepest In
Howie McPhee's heart, they are
not the ones he Is famous for.
He Is known as the local boy
who tied the world's record for
100-yard dash, the "world's fastest rugby player", the lad who
represented Vancouver at the
Olympic Gaines In Berlin and
the British Empire Games tn
Australia.
On the cinders, "Hustling
Howie" set two Canadian records In the 100 and 220 yard
dashes, besides equalling the
world's mark of 9.6 seconds for
tho century at Hastings Park.
He was the mainstay of Varsity's rugby fifteen when It waa
at Its height, and last season
was named the outstanding
sportsman In the Vancouver Rugby Union. Who
doesn't remember the spectacular dashes he made
so often to snatch victory out of defeat for the
Blue and Gold !
His career off the sports field nt U.B.C. was
also star-studded. Always a notable scholar, he
found time to be Men's Athletic President one year
and president of his fraternity, Psl Upsilon, another. In his third year, he was acclaimed outstanding Junior.
Howie has two brothers still at University, Ted
and Maurice. To them, to his mother and father,
and to his wife, we say for more than 2500 saddened
undergraduates, "We grieve with you the loss of
a sportsman and gentleman whose memory wlU
never die In the annals of our Alma Mater."
—A. T. P.
New  Brunswick  Campus
Raises  Spitfire  Fund
Students Buy Pieces Of Historic Flagpole
To Help Purchase War Plane For Canada
Frederickton, N.B., December 2, 1940
(C.U.P.)—The most Important event
that has occurred on the campus of
the University of New Brunswick this
term has been the inauguration early
in November of the U.N.B. Spitfire
Fund. In the past month the fund has
steadily grown, and with the- wholehearted spirit of the students behind
it  as  well  as  the  pledged support of
By E. R. CARTER
by the chairman of the fund, D. D.
Munro. The historic flagpole from
which the Royal Standard flew during their Majesties visit to Canada In
1939, having been broken by accident,
was sawn into small pieces which
were sold as souvenirs among the students. The popularity of these souvenirs ls unbounded and already a
large number have been sold.   It has
every organization on the campus ita. now been suggested that if lt ls at all
success  is  assured.    Many  entertain-  possible the signatures of His Majesty
ments have been staged to swell the
fund Including the presentation of
three one-act plays by the Dramatic
Society.
HISTORIC FLAGPOLE
By far the most unique method for
Tho King, Winston Churchill and Lord
Beaverbrook should be inscribed on
a portion of the flagpole, and that a
drawing for this priceless memento be
held throughout the province aa a
means  of  securing  additional  money
raising   money  was   brought  forward  for the university's Spitfire Fund.
Lionel Hampton
Brings Hot Jazz
Crew To Beacon
Le Jazz Hot comes to Vancouver today in the person of
drummer-man Lionel Hampton,
husky, dusky swingstar, who
will front an eighteen piece
jam outfit for a week at the
Beacon Theatre.
The Sepia swinger, rated by
musicians as one of the best drummers in the business, and absolutely
the tops In the vibraphone field, has
just started out in band leading and
has a solid crew behind him, capable
of capturing the many moods of
modern jive.
HAMPTON  SHINES
Big   noise   of   tlie   all-Negro   outfit
is,   of   course,  Hampton  himself,   who
formerly   starred   with   Benny   Goodman's   quartette.
Goodman     was     responsible     for
Hampton   turning   to   the   vibraphone    for,   having   Gene   Krupa
with him, the King of Swing was
In no need of a drummer.    Hampton   took   to  the   vibes   with  alacrity,   and   sat   In   on   drums  when
Krupa was sick.
His stick technique Is reputedly
th-e fastest In dancebandom. both on
drums and vibes, and although with
eighteen negroes behind him, the
music  Is liable  to take on  that  fran-
Scholars Buck Law :
Book   Ban   Brings
Bootlegging   In   Cef.
"Jiggers, Joe—it's de law—
keep that book under the
table!"
Book-bootlegging is assuming large
proportions In the Cafeteria this week
as a result of stern regulations banning study in the building. Uniformed
officials, who prowl through the rows
of white tables on the search for the
Illicit volumes are meeting with rebuffs from students who have devised cunning ways of deceiving the
law.
Many students have been observed
entering with books disguised as
lunches, while others have been seen
stealing a stray glance at forbidden
notes hidden beneath the table, as
they gulp coffee between lectures.
Hardened criminals are being warned
that heavy fines will be imposed
should a student be caught attending
to his academic work while In the
Cat'. Happiest of the happy ls Frank
Underhiil, who had to look twice each
time ho enters the building to make
sure  it really  Is the  same placo.
ie "out of this world" aspect, the
smiling sepian is also versed in the
light and polite school, led by Goodman.
Starting today, the band plays a
theatre engagement at the Beacon
Theatre  for  a week.
Literary Gems
STUDENT  SECRETS  REVEALED
ON TELL-TALE   EXAM.   BOARDS
SANTA CLAUS
AT S.CM. PARTY
The S.C.M. will hold Its Christmas
party in the M-en's Smoking Room
of Brock Hall on Saturday, December
21,  at 8:30 p.m.
Santa Claus will probably be
present (? ? ?), and the program will
include   refreahnvents   and   dancing.
The party will form a welcome
let-up from the strain of Christmas
exams. The S.C.M. sympathizers with
other exam sufferers are welcome to
the party, provided they pay the required  thirty-flve   cents.
UBC Competes
For McGoun
On January  17
Resolved:     that    recognition    of    a
system of  international  law enjoying
a   primacy   over   national   law   offers
the   best   hope   for   permanent   world
peace.
This  la  the suggested   wording  for
[ the   general   topic   for   the   McGoun
; Cup  debates  to be held January  17,
' among  the  four  western  universities.
I     U.B.C.   will   debate   simultaneously
here  and  in  Manitoba.
To be eligible  for McGoun debates
lt is necessary to be an active mem-
■ ber  of  the  Parliamentary  Forum,   to
have  led   a  Forum  debate,  to  hold  a
j Silver  Award or  to  have  debated  in
-major or  minor debates prior to th-e
year of the  McGoun debate.
CARNEGIE   RECORDINGS
Today's concert of Carnegie Recordings   at  noon  in   the  main  lounge   of
Brock  Hall  will   include:
Prelude to Act III, Lohengrin,
Wagner
Concerto for violin ln E minor,
Mendelssohn
Credo—Russian liturgy....Grechaninov
Dance of the fire bird ^Stravinsky
Will Co-Eds Wear
Potted Plants ?
Will campus co-eds be forced to
wear potted plants instead of corsages to social functions because ot
the ban on cut flowers due to war
conditions?
Tariffs mata the favourite corsage
flowers no longer available — gar-,
denias, roses, violets and orchids are
all excluded.
The hothouse flowers cannot be
produced ln sufficient quantity ln
Canada to meet popular demand, ao
they are imported from the States
during the winter. Potted plants are
the only ones that are home-grown,
so it would seem that co-eda are going to have to give up a favorite indulgence  or  grow  their  own flowers.
Bursar's Office
Finance Screens
Beoause of the generous action of
the Bursar's office the A.M.S. will
not have to pay for bars being put
on the windows of Brock Hall.
According to word received from
Harry Lumsden, president of the
A.M.S., the Bursar's office have
accepted the responsibility of placing
sere-ens at the windows, the cost to
be part of Unuiverslty administration.
Pride   And   Prejudice''
To   Benefit   Red   Cross
By LUCY BERTON
What do students think about when they write exams?
All the deepest secrets of an exam writer's heart are revealed by the tell-tale exam boards, those wooden atrocities
that students hide themselves under in the Auditorium when
writing an exam.
Some   of   these   have   been   in   use^
since 1930, judging by the names writ
ten on them,' and are veritable treasure houses of literary and artistic
gems.
as long as the exam time to execute
—ono wonders how much some students wrote on the paper . . .
Namea and dates, Latin and Frentifr
verb  endings  and  intricate  mathema-
Ono student put his opinion  of the j tical problems constitute a large part
exam   concisely—"My   God." j of  the scr|bbllngs on  the  boards   (the
Black  thoughts of death,  preferably   latter   might  even   be   helpful  for  fu-
violent    and    immediate    occupy    the   turo  exam -writers,  but  don't tell  the
minds of many students,  and take tho   authorities).
form  of  poetry,  art and anything else |     If   nothing   else,   the   drawings   and
tha': the   student can   think  of.
writings    on    tho    board    provide    the
Tombstones are a favorite form of student with a source of amusement
expression . . . "R.I.P., John Smith, during a boring exam and make thc
April '34." Some literary and artistic . buff-bear of all Varsity students par-
masterpieces must  have taken at least i tially endurable.
["he  erratic  Mrs.  Bennett  and the  fawning Mr.   Collins  in  a scene  from   the
Players  Club  production   of   "Pride   and   Prejudice"   to  be  presented   in   the
Auditorium  on Dec. 10 in aid of the  campus Rod Cross drive.
On Friday, January 10, the
curtain of the University theatre will rise on what a prominent local adjudicator has termed
"the best amateur performance
ever seen."
Once again enthusalstic "Thespians
will present "Pride and Prejudice".
This year's production will not prove
a disappointment to those who enjoyed the play last year, for the original stage settings, costumes, and
most of the cast are being maintained.
With two exceptions, the cast remains Intact, Except for the roles
of Charles Bingley and Mr. Collins,
parts will be taken by the actors
who  performed  them  last  spring.
Production of this play represents
the Players' Club special contribution to the campus-wide Red Cross
drive.
"It's just a matter of whether or
not the students can swing It wltn
regard to selling tickets," was tho
comment of Players' Club president
Ruth Heyer. Tickets for the production are down to such a price
that students can obtain regular $1.05
seats for 50 cents, just by arriving
early.
Players' Club executives stress the
fact that there will be no reserved
seats. In other words, positively tho
ONLY way to obtain the best seats
is to  arrive  well   ahead  of  tinre.
Many organizations both on and
off the campus are rallying to tho
support of this Red Cross effort.
The Musical Society, Phrateres and
tho Publicatiot s Board are co-operating, and thc Soei-tl Problems Club,
the sororities, and the fraternities
ni" being approached on the matter.
Dc vvntown organizations also havo
. v, orcl   to   help   sell   tickets. Page Two
THE      UBYSSEY
Friday, December 6th, 1940
3Ft|? Mfayaflry
(MEMBER C.U.P.)
Issued twice weekly by the Students' Publication Board
of the Alma Mater Society of the University of British
Columbia.
Office: Brock Memorial Building    —    Phone Alma 1824
Campus  Subscriptions—$1.50
Mail Subscriptions—$2.00
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Jack Margeson
For Advertising
Standard Publishing Company Ltd.
8182 West 41st Avenue   —   Phone KErr. 1811	
Spitfires
We are reprinting below an editorial from
the McGiil Daily which should prove of interest to students all across Canada, and possibly in the United States as well. Any such
campaign as has been suggested, however, will
have to wait until after the New Year.
There will be no questioning the opinion
that if everything which we hold dear is to
survive, it is Imperative for Britain to win this
war. That we shall win the war is becoming
more and more certain each day that the fight
continues. However, to make this fact an absolute certainty, it is necessary for Britain to
have every possible assistance as quickly as is
possible.
Britain needs planes and more planes. She
also needs money with which to pay for those
planes. We, students at one of the foremost
universities in Canada, can help the war effort
in a tangible manner by providing some of the
money with which to buy those bombers and
fighters.
It has been suggested by several student
organizations on the campus that a campaign
be conducted at McGiil among all students in
order to raise money towards a Spitfire fighting plane. A letter, requesting action on the
part of the Student Society, has been sent to
the Editor-in-Chief of the Dally by more than
ten per cent, of the students at the university.
A group of interested students have canvassed
opinion and suggested a campaign among students, staff, governors and graduates for the
purpose of presenting the British Government
with a Spitfire in the name of McGiil University. The Students' Executive Council which
must authorize campus campaigns of students
will no doubt consider this suggested drive in
the near future and will act according to the
desires of the student body.
Heartily endorsing the sympathy for the
Allied cause which has prompted those spontaneous outbursts of enthusiasm, we nevertheless question their practicability Three thousand students at McGiil University, no matter
how keen, no matter how generous of money,
time, and energy, can hardly hope to raise
sufficient money to purchase a Spitfire fighter
which costs twenty-three thousand and five
hundred dollars. It strikes us that the staff,
governors and graduates of McGiil are unlikely
to make up the difference between that amount
and the two, three, or even four thousand dollars which would be raised by the students.
There are approximately twenty-five
thousand students attending universities
throughout the Dominion of Canada, and even
though there is no national body at the present
time which can claim to represent all these
students, there is a medium through which
every Canadian university student can be contacted. That medium is the Canadian University Press.
The Daily is In a position to propose to
every student attending a Canadian university
that it is the obligation and the duty of each
and every one of them to partake in a national
campaign for one, two or even three Spitfire
fighters to be presented to the British Government in the name of all Canadian university
students.
American university papers exchange
issues with the McGiil Daily and other Canadian university journals and consequently
such a campaign might easily assume an international aspect with the added contributions
of sympathetic students in the United States.
The war which is being waged over Bri-
NUNNERY
_4y JABEZ
Over is the time for laughter and gaiety.
Now we must prepare for a period of confinement to our grey cells. At this moment,
professors are exultantly taking the muzzles
off their packs of snarling, snapping exams.
Some of us will fall beneath that beastly horde,
thereby receiving horrible marks that will
oblige the victims to crawl back from the field
of academic endeavor, leaving their careers
dangling despondently from the blood-red
point of the marker's pencil.
Facing a big, hungry examination is a
fearsome experience. It starts in the morning,
when they shove your porridge in front of you.
Your stomach climbs up into your mouth,
takes one look at that mess of mush, and
promptly dives into the depths of your innards,
kicking its way through your alimentary canal,
and ending up shivering in a dark corner of
your abdomen.
"No mush!" you gulp, and stagger off to
meet your fate.
AMNESIA
Waiting for them to open the doors of the
abatoir gives your memory a chance to drain
like a leaky crank-case.
"Hiya Joe, whadya know?" you chirp, a
sickly chuckle rattling in your throat.
"Say," says Joe, "when did Alonzo Pintail Dewdrops boot the bucket?"
"We didn't have to know about Dewdrops,
did we?" you scream, thrashing through your
notes.
"What did he write?" somebody yells.
"I thought he invented the reversible,
semi-automatic Jinny Sims!" chimes another.
"You mean cotton gin, you dope! Jinny
Sims sings with Kay Kyser."
"When did Kay Kyser die?" cries Joe,
getting confused.
"Didn't Dewdrops write:
'Sylvia, Sylvia, thy eyes are burning
coke,
Searing my soul clear to the yoke!'?"
"Naw! that was Bilkington Maximilan Oof.
He died 27 years after Dewdrops," says Joe.
I "Yeah, but when did Dewdrops die?" you
moan.
"That, I wouldn't know," smiles Joe, his
l'nco a phantasy in green and white.
Then they open the doors; you squeeze in,
grab a booklet, take any seat No. 7, and open
I up the bad news.     You close your pretty red
| eyes in misery:
DEATH, WHERE IS THY STING?
Question  No.   1:   "When  did   Alonzo  Pin-
, tail  Dewdrops die?"
Two hours later, your cheeks are flushed,
your mouth is dry, and so is your pen. Alongside of you a scienceman is sobbing quietly
over his slide-rule. Over to the left, Joe is
thoughtfully and carefully tearing the pages
out of his booklet.. Your eye lights on a blonde
on the aisle, and you curse because you can't
pick out detail at distances over 20 feet. People
start clawing their way out of your row, stamping on your dogs in their frenzy to escape. The
clock is running its hands over its face at a
sickening rate.
Another booklet! Another booklet! And
you shoot up your mitt with a desperate earnestness that you haven't shown since the good,
old, 2-finger days.
Then, suddenly, It is all over.    Sadly, you
hand   in  the  body,   and  shamble  homewards.
You try to forget the grisly episode, but all you
can see are Dewdrops, millions of them, lear-
(Continued in next column)
tain today is a war for honour, truth and justice. It is a war which is being waged with
planes—fighters and bombers. Surely it is fitting that at least one of those Spitfire fighters
bear the name of the university students of
North America.
jkssS-kii*.
^mjiimjM*miT
THE CCrPSE
CN   THC_
nccc
CHAPTER X.
NO MORE POKER IN THE LIBRARY
OR
ITS  JUST  A   CONCENTRATION
CAMP
Still seeing stars, including Marlenj
Dietrich, Hedy Lamarr, and Donald
Duck, Oscar crawled out of a well-
built mud puddle, feeling like an
earthworm U-ying out for a job on
a   Bl   1   microscope  slide.
Needing a snappy bracer, he removed the bulge from his hip pocket.
To her dying day Aunt Cuspldorla
Scrlbblewell thought that bulge was
the result of Oscar's breaking his
left leg at the ag. of six months
when he fell out of his carriage
reaching for his bottle. It was, of
course, but not the way she thought.
The flask was super-charged with
Guezil's Goo (Is your infant looking
queer? Mix Geezil's Goo with the
darling's beerl) so one slight whiff
was all that was necessary to give
the canary-muscled reporter th-
combined aggressiveness of Geology
Warren  and  Mussolini.
Opening  all windows,  he threw
out    hla    two-by-four   chest,   and
rushed   down   the   road   after   the
long   low   black   llmoslne,   determined to smear the campus with
the  bum  who  had  laid  him  out.
But the llmoslne was already far
away,    and    the    drooping    black
moustache  of  the  driver  wiggled
as he leered an evil oriental leer
and meditated on the fact that he
had   just   destroyed   the   reporter
Oscar Scrlbblewell, the biggest fly
In his college soup.
But     Scrlbblewell,     blissfully     unaware of this,  went racing along like
a   candidate   for   the   Arts   '20   Relay.
LITERARY SECTION
On the corner stood a sophomore
in red flannel B.V.D.'s and petunia
knee socks hawking week old copies
of the Daily Bun. "Professors Killed
in Blood Purge," shri.ked the headlines.
"Good idea." meditated Oscar,
pausing to inspect his fellow journalist.
"Please, please, buy a paper,"
wailed the couturier's nightmare,
buttonholing Seribbleweil, and clinging like a Tin God to n free pass.
"I can't be initiated until I've sold
ten   copies.''
"Nix," countered ilvj reporter. "I
never read ;my!hin,-* except 'Etiquette' by K.-aily Post and tlie Point
Grey       News - Gazette. Besides,       I
h:.ven't   any   easli.
Tho plc-f-yi-d pledge whipped
out a wallet and tossed It to him.
"Here, buy them <-ult'k and keep
the change."
Oscar opened his mouth to object,
hut when he saw the --learn of bills
he shut up like thc Book Exchange.
Forking out thirty cents and grab-
bins; tlio Daily Bun:-, Oscar clashed
eff again before the sucker realized
his   mistake.
On the steps of the big stone castle
behind the Illy pond he crouched,
hidden by the shadow of approaching exams, and counted the filthy
lucre.
One, two, four, seven, eight dollars! The price of the eighty beers
which Chas. (Smutty Smus) Barker
demanded as a bribe for a solution
of the Bookstore Floor mystery!
In the lab on the top floor of
(Continued   o"h   Page   3)
THE   MUMMERY
(Continued from previous column)
ing  over   ash  cans,   sitting  on  streetcar.,  popping out of man-holes.
Then you prepare for exactly the
same torture the next day. And the
next.     And  the  next.
With tills parting thought, we
would like to wish each and every
ono of you a Merry Christmas and
n Happy New Year. Also, I want
to thank all those who have written In those lovely letters. ..In fact,
I'll be right home, Ma !
ClfflLLENEEHl
WATCHES'
7>y   (Mlrkmd
Wt a «Mft watch,
bat at the fame time...
Wt aialiaUe Thnekeeper
25°%ID0
$1.00 .Mid* SOO
SWEET CAPORAL or WINCHESTER
cigarettes or $1.00 will nnd eithsr 1  b.
Vogue papers) to Canadians serving In
O.A.8.F. oversea* only. Aleoto Canadian* serving in the Britiah For.** In
the United Kingdom.
$2.80 •end. 1,000   ..'
cigarettes to an Individual or unit.
Address "Sweet Caps",
P.O. Box 8000, Montreal, P.O.
'How could any real Santa Claut forget Sweat Cap*I"
SWEET CAPORAL CIGARETTES
"The permit form in which tobacco can b* *moh*d."
t
- - Special Student Rate at - -
CAPITOL   -   ORPHEUM   •   STRAND   -   DOMINION
By Presentation Of Your Student Pass
Norma Shearer
and
Robert Taylor
ln
"ESCAPE"
CAPITOL
Lucille Ball
"Too Many Girls"
also
Richard Dlx
"Men Against the Sky"
STRAND
Fred MacMurray
"Rangers of Fortune"
also
Dorothy Lamour
"Moon Over Burma"
ORPHEUM
George Formby
in
"It's In The Air"
also
'Down Argentine Way"
DOMINION
College Joan
On a chill Christmas
morning what could be
more comforting than my
new flannel robe, striped
blue, yellow, rose, green
and white, and decked out
with a tasselled gold cord?
Such gowns can be had
for $12.95 at FAMOUS !
My gown veils the softest, warmest nightie I ever
hope to own — a demure
blue thing with bishop's
sleeves and trimmed with
white fuzzy stuff — FAMOUS has them nt $1.95
and $2.95.
Tell them at FAMOUS you saw it
here if you'll have
me  be,
Yours everlastingly,
Joan.
arJker vacumatic
will kelp you
next term !
# Unique, and utterly different,
this gleaming laminated-pearl
Parker Vacumatic Pen has everything) Patented "one-hand" filler
— a simple diaphragm sealed in
the top . . . gives the pen nearly
twice as much ink capacity, bo-
cause there's no need for old-
fashioned rubber sac and tiller
mechanism inside.
Its patented "Television"
barrel lets you SEE the
level of the  ink.   It can't
run dry unless you let it.
Its 14 Kt. Gold Point is   $
skilfully tempered for    t'>
resiliency—tipped  with   /jft^
selected   high-polished    /§,_fi
Osmiridium—as smooth    /jf'Jij
as oil.
Parker's Blue Diamond Mark on the
smart   Arrow   Clip
means Guaranteed for Life—you will, never have to
buy another.
Start right with a Parker.  All good pen counters
have a selection of grand new styles. See them today.
Ths Parker Fountain Pen Co., -In-lted, Toronto, Canada
*^—VACUMATIC^
Pens marked with the Blue Diamond.are gi
  _ -_. _   • guaranteed for
life against everything except loss or intentional damage
subject only to a charge of 3 3tf for postage, insurance aid
handling, provided complete pen is returned for service. Friday, December 6th, 1940
The Signboard
CANCELLATION
The Campus Red Cross Concert, to
have been held at the Forum on December 0, has been cancelled.
BLINDCRAFT SALE
Delta Gamma fraternity is sponsoring a sale today of bllndcvaft at the
Canadian National Institute for the
Blind,   1101  West  Broadway.
LOST — "Problems in Marketing."
Name In front. Please return to Bob
Menchlons in  the Pub.
LOST — A fur mitt with navy blue
leather palm, in the parking lot. Please
return to A.M.S. Office.
LOST—Brink Algebra taken from
table in Library . . . will the person
who has it please notify Stan Thomson through the Science Letter Rack or
return to the A.M.S. . . . very important.
LOST—A carved U.B.C. pin, pleaae
return to Pub.
THE VARSITY CHRISTIAN UNION
will hold their final meeting of the fall
term ln Arta 205, today at 12:45. This
meeting is open to all students. Miss
Margaret Fraser, the founder of the
Sunday School Mission ln B.C., will
be the guest speaker.
HBEACON
Dec. 6th
LIONEL
HAMPTON
AND HIS ORCHESTRA
THE SULTAN OF SWING
IN  PERSON I
Bonny     Goodman's     famous     rhythm
star,    with    all    his    celebrated    entertainer:!      and      the     Lionel     Hampton j
Sextette ! j
Two   Feature  Pictures !        j
CHANG SUEY
(Continued from Page 2)
Science   he   spread   the   cash   before
the omniscient Engineer, whipped out
his    Waterman    and    notebook,    and
waited  for Smutty  Smus to spill the
dirt.
SHOOT THE DIRT TO ME, BERT
"Well," drawled S. S., chewing on
a tasty nitric-acid-soaked filter paper
"It all started when our pal Walter
Aitch Rage came back from Call?
fornia. Chang Suey killed him because he wanted to dissect his brain.
"But tho fiend had to get rid of
the body after he'd taken out the
grey matter, so he and his assistant
disguised themselves and tried to
cram the corpse into the Bookstore
cash register. When you interrupted
them they knocked you out with
the blunt end of' a wing-jing because
they thought you'd phoned Chief
Appleyard for help.
"When he took you to hla torture chamber, he didn't know that
Rage   wns   the   Sciencemen'*   pal
and   -we  were  waiting  to   snatch
back  his  body  and brain to put
them   together    again.     He   atlll
doesn't know who did It) Englneera
are   too   smart   (or   that   oriental
dim-wit," added Barker, modestly.
One fact still troubled Oscar. "Who
Is Chang Suey's assistant," he quer-
rled,  "the  one  who was disguised as
Dottle  Listen?"
Barker shook his head.. "Not even
my secret operatives have been able
to find that out. But we may still
hear more of Chang Suey and his
assistant."
As he spoke the last words, Smutty
Smus grabbed the eight dollars and
dashed away in the direction of the
Georgia to change it into eighty
beers, and Oscar was alone. Faintly,
oh so faintly, from the distance came
a fiendish  chuckle.
Oscar shivered, then realizing it
was only his Imagination, he slunk
off to the Caf to calm his nerves
with a bottle of Grade  A milk.
And    faintly    again    that    hideous
iough  drifted  through  the   air.
THE END
Wo wish all our readers In lectures, In labs, In the stacks, In the
caf, In the Brock, and especially
thoso who, tike us, will get
B.A.C.'c, a Merry Christmas and
a Happy New Year.
Fongal
Wool
Shop
4,'JG3 West 10th Avenue
ALL KINDS OF WOOL
Beautiful    hand-made    woven
scarves In U.B.C. colors.
TEACHERS  AND  STUDENTS !
Greatly Reduced
Christmas and New Year's
Holiday Rail Fares
Announced by Canadian Railways
In  effect  between   All  Stations  in  Canada  for   the  convenience  of
Teachers and Students travelling during the Holiday Season.
Single Fair and One-Quarter
For round trip — First Class or Coach
Going Nov. 29 to Jan. 1 inclusive. Return until Jan. 31. (Where
schools are not re-opening until later, as ahown on certificate, tickets
will be limited to re-opening date, but not later than Feb. 28, 1041)
CERTIFICATE   ENTITLING   YOU   TO   THIS   SPECIAL
FARE MAY BE  OBTAINED FROM  YOUR PRINCIPAL
 OR REGISTRAR.	
Also   substantial   reductions  in   rail   fares   for   the   general   public—
available for  Christmas,  New Year's,  or the  entire Holiday  Season.
APPLY TO  ANY  RAILWAY TICKET AGENT
you
orr the
LAUGH*
I Of T TH*
smuts
My lad, be wise, 90 Brylcreem-ize
Hair Ilk* a haystack alwaya ratea a laugh, yet it's se easy to have
that well-groomed look.    BRYLCREEM—
• X**p_ •tubbom hai. soft, in pla<_-      • ah«_k__ annoTtna dandiu-
all -ay, but nmr "gnaiy". and lolling hafu aioldl
• R.*lt<.-la«a th* toalp, »••*-.»••
lu.tr. and .h.«n te a**. Ulal*—
hair.
•mba-ras-man*.
• Fights oS kaldnassi anaau-mae
lua.uz.ant hai* growth.
Brylereoxn le the Empire's flrat oholoe hoi* dxeaaintf tenia] ove*
18,000,000 tubes and jara aold yearly. Oot tho new 28e alee tube
from your dealer today. Fo* extra economy buy the big 80a tube
or jar.    Monoy-baak guarantee.
I THI   PIRPICT   HAIR   ORISSINO   TONIC
Ne Alcohol—No Oum—No ttorch—No Soop
4-15R
Imagine yourself In the brisk -winter air, skating or skiing under
a sunlit sky in an adorable little Sonja Henie skating set . . . they
have all the gay abandon of the tradltlt^nal peasant folk dances, and
Mrs. Frayne, of the Arts and Crafts Shop, 807 Howe Street, has them
ln all shades . . . the set includes a Dutch type cap, a scarf and a
belt .and they're all hand woven ... no dirt . . . Merry Christmaa
. . . also exclusive to the Arts and Crafts Shop are the Imported
novelty necklaces, bracelets and clips . . . one particularly intriguing
gift suggestion is the fascinating little necklace made of hand-carved
wooden ten-pins, ideal for a bowling enthusiast . . . the reaaonable
price will really surprise you, too . . .
* *       *       *
For a jolly Christmas season, Rae-Son's have everything to give you
the spirit of Christmaa . . . then think of Christmas parties . . . with
you dancing ln the smart evening slippers from Rae's Clever Department . . . turn to your right and go downstairs from the entrance
. . . there are dozens of varletiea of wedgies or heeled styles in silver,
gold and coloured models . . . and remember a gift from Rae-Son's
will really thrill her . . . there are gift certificates, too, so that ahe
could go In and pick out her own hosiery or handbag ... no dirt
. . . Merry Christmas . . . you really must go in and aee the selection
of bedroom slippers at Rae-Son's, 608 Oranvllle Street . . . there are
all sorts of satins, stripes, and starry styles that really make a co-ed
feel luxurious when she's studying . . .
* *       *       *
Do you still believe in Santa Claus? . . . even if you don't make
your mother, wife or sweetheart believe in the whiskered old gentleman with a lovely fur coat or neck piece from the New York Fur
Company, 707 West Oeorgla Street . . . this famous house of quality
has furs of every description . . . and to auit every pocketbook
... no dirt . . . Merry Christmas . . . flattoring furs for all occasions . . . superior quality at a moderate price . . . imagine the thrill in
her eyes on Christmas morning when she sees your gift from the
New York Fur Company . . .
* «       *       *
For the real holiday spirit, you must have some of Ritchie's new
table decorations for Christmaa . . . novelty Christmas candles set
in little red and green Christmas trees . . . when the candle burns,
the tree glows from within . . . there are oranges and apples, too
juat fancy . . . your table glowing with the vivid lights from within
... no dirt . . . Merry Christmaa . . . and Ritchie's, 840 Oranvllle
Street, have corsages for those gay holiday evenings when you celebrate the festive season . . . there are roses, carnations and 'mums
for corsages ... in spite of the baby budget there are gardenias and
orchids but at slightly increased prices . . .
* *       *       *
The spirit of Christmas . . . the gay feminine side of it . . . may
be seen at Wilson's Olove and Hosiery, 573 Oranvllle Street, dance
seta, slips, gowns and pyjamas . . . dainty, frilly ones, or the smoother,
more tailored ones . . . the prices are reasonable, too . . . and boys
don't be embarrassed to go in there . . . just think, there are hundreds in just your same situation ... no dirt . . . Merry Christmas
. . . Wilson's have another shipment of the bed socks from I. M.
Morley's . . . they're as cuddly as a kitten . . . and as soft -. . . ankle
socks . . . and silk hosiery in all the new shades make ideal Christmas gifts, too . . ,
* * * >h
What could be a nicer gift than a house-coat for Christmas, then
you'll really bo able to get comfortable for studying . . . Plant's, 564
Granville, havo the most thrilling assortment in the city and they
have chosen them especially for the co-ed . . . smart and casual,
too . . . no dirt . . . Merry Christmas ... a gift from Plant's will
thrill her and still be a reasonable.price enough to allow you a little
extra left over for New Year's . , . there are sweaters, skirts, novelty
jewelry . . . and oh, just about everything that a co-ed would love
. . . and so many of their clothes and ideas are straight from Mademoiselle . . .	
-gamemnon, sitting in his wooden hot**.
Smoked Plcobac to make the Tro}an* come across.
• Who would not—and doea not—"go" for the rich,
ripe aroma of Plcobac? And Ita nutty flavour I*
equally enticing. It la the pick of Canada's Burley crop
—alwaya • mild, cool, aweet smoke. StudenU may feel
that the charms of the Iliad are profeaaorlally overrated; but not the charms of Plcobac 1
HANDY MAL-TIOHT POUCH   •  If4
V_-L.B. "LOK.TOP" TIN   .   694
^^^^ else pecked In  Pocket Tine
Plcobac
*\
//
It DOES taste good in « pipe!
//
SUGGESTIONS   FOR   CHRISTMAS
HEWER'S HARDWARE
Take home something for all the folk
We do not mind saying, our prices are competitive ln
Gifts and Tree Decorations
J
s^~
4459 WEST 10th AVE.
PHONE AI_ma 1552
Campus Togs In  ...   .
BRITISH  IMPORTS
YOUNG MEN'S SUITS
FHOM   $40.00
LADIES'  SPORTS WEAR SKIRTS AND SWEATER SETS
905 WEST GEORGIA VANCOUVER, B.C.
"Always the Finest in Quality"
it
70a»?*»"
Wm Cater
Exclusively To
U.B.C. Co-Eds
They like u* and we like them.
Drop in anytime and view our
wide selections ot hosiery, lingerie and aporta wear.
Varsity Style
INCONMRATIO    **••   MAY   l«70
There's No Yule Like An Old Yule I
Shop
LADIES' WEAR
4435 West 10th Ave.
GET VALUE   IN
LOOSEL.EAF SUPPLIES
FOUNTAIN PENS
ZIPPER PORTFOLIOS
SLIDE RULES
SCALES
PROTRACTORS
T-SQUARES
Etc.
THE
CLARKE St STUART
CO. LIMITED
Stationers and Printers
850 SEYMOUR STREET
VANCOUVER, B.C.
So Get Your Gifts At
The BAY
Santa feels exhuberant! . . . and
so will you when you see ail the
Christmas gift merchandise at the
BAV. In the convenient Gift
Avenues on the Second and Third
Floor you'll find gift suggestions
for every name on your Christmas
list ... at the prices you want to
pay. For a really merry, old
fashioned Christmas choose all your
gifts In the RAY, Vancouver's First
Department Store. THB     UBYSSEY
Friday, Deoember 6th, 1940
Barton Leads 'Birds To  No. 7
ffiSPORTS
Still Unbeaten
0
14
2
8
2
8
3
2
4
2
6
0
LEAGUE STANDINGS
TO DATE:
W   L   Pts.
VARSITY        7
Maple Leafs     4
Angelus        4
Adanacs        1
Tookes        1
Staeys      0
Another  Tooke  shirt  hangs
from the  Varsity victory line
today as a result of their smashing   60—43   victory   over   the
Shirtmen in the Campus gym
Wednesday.   In rolling to their
seventh straight win the collegians piled up the biggest soore
of the current Inter-city loop.
Lefty Art Barton paced the atudenta to their big win, swishing
IS pointa with hla deceptive southpaw  stabs,  and unerring aim  at
the free-shot line.
Winnipeg flash Jack Nell sparked
the Tooke offensive potting 18 points
from the bucket with veteran Tony
Osborne feeding him bullet passes
all evening.
SHORT-HANDED, BUT . . .
The  College crew  entered th-e fray
short-handed,   capable   of   mustering
only   seven   men   to   the   colours  as
Sandy   Hay,   Jack   Ross,   and   Wally
Johnston,  absented  themselves.    Hay
was   regrettably   forced   to   miss   the
game  when   his    grandmother    died,
while Johnston and Ross have found
the pressure of work too much.
Held   ln   check   all   night,   the
student scoring machine finally hit
Ugh (ear In a frantic fourth canto
Off The Backboard
By ARCHIE PATON
CHANGING CAMPUS COSTUMES
that saw them burst through a disintegrating Tooke squad for 21
points. Pat Flynn netted seven of
his evening's total of 11 In thla
frame.
The scores — Osborne 2, MacDonald 3, Anderson 12, Nell 18,
Westcott, Wilson, Alexander 8,
Freeman—43.
Varsity — Matheson 8, Barton 15,
Scott 11, Armstrong 8, Ryan, Pedlow 7, Flynn 11 — 00.
Sasamat 5-10 & ISc Store
CHRISTMAS  CARDS
A GRAND ASSORTMENT FROM
3 for 5c   —   2 for Sc   —   3 for 10c   —   Sc and up
GIFTS FOR MOTHER, SISTER OR BROTHER
5c to $1.00
Shop Here For Better Values
4469 W. 10th AVE. ALma 1013
FAMOUS FOR TASTE
AND MILDNESS
UNIVERSITY BOOK STORE
Hrs.: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Saturdays 9 a.m. to noon
LOOSE LEAF NOTE BOOKS, EXERCISE  BOOKS AND
SCRIBBLERS
AT REDUCED PRICES
Graphic   Engineering   Paper,   Biology   Paper, XMAS CARDS
Loose   Leaf  Refills,   Fountain   Pens   and   Ink NOW ON
and Drawing Instruments. SALE
RAYVITE
A REMEDY FOR AIDING IN ELIMINATING PAIN
Immediately Relieves
Painful  injuries   (athletic  and  others)   —  sprains  —   bruises  —  sore
muscles —■ cuts — charley horses.
Athlete's   Foot  —  bolls  —   burns  —   carbuncles   —   eczema  —   skin
disorders — shingles — ulcers — varicose ulcers.
Lumbago —■ neuritis — rheumatic pains — sciatica
TO  THE LADIES
RAYVITE Is excellent  as a SKIN CONDITIONER and  beneficial  ln
clearing up: blackheads — pimples — skin eruptions
ASK THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO USE IT
 ASK YOUR DRUGGIST	
RAYVITE LTD.
506 DUNSMUIR STREET
Telephone SEymour 3401
Hoopers  Go  South;
Meet  U.S.  Team  Here
The undefeated Thunderbirds will travel south of the border to play St. Martin's College, Lacey, Wash., and probably
the University of Washington Huskies in Seattle, and then
entertain a strong club from Linfield College, Wash., here before facing their next Inter-city league opposition, states Bob
Scott, senior basketball manager.
The 'Birds will make the jaunt be-<>
fore university opens In January,
playing St. Martin's on January 3
and going on to Seattle If arrangements with the 17. of W. club are
completed.
Big celebrations are planned to
greet  the  Linfield  quintette here
on  January  11,   Including  a  gala
mixer to be ataged In Brock Hall
after the game,  which players of
both teams will attend.
Coach Maury Van Vllet hopes this
engagement   will   mark   a  revival   ot
student    Interest    in    the    basketball
team  which ls living up to his preseason prediction of being "potential
Canadian Champs."
• * • •
COURT SHORT—Now that the collegians have dispensed with the hoop
pastime for this year, they can settle
down and join Van Vllet in worrying about those Christmaa exams . . .
and also about the dlsintlgratlon process the team Is going through . . .
what with Johnston and Ross out,
and one or two others on the verge
of ineligibility . . . the cagers almost
didn't field a team Wednesday . . .
Scott played with drops in his eyes,
and Ryan Is convalescing from a Saturday parade attack of pleurisy . . .
Thla Jack Noll, a former running mote
of the Leafs' George McConnell In
Winnipeg, finally hit his stride, working nicely in the bucket . . . and ex-
student Doug Alexander turned ln ->
nice game ... as did former Intermediate Normle Armstrong who whipped in eight points.
Soccer Bees
HoldJPolice
The Varsity Bees made a name for
themselves ln Wednesday soccer by
holding the league-leading City
Police to a single goal in a hard-
fought battle at Con Jones Park last
Wednesday.
The Bees, playing with only ten
men, were on the defensive throughout, goalie Herb Smith playing
brilliantly. The whole team showed
real spirit by fighting doggedly a-
gainst the much superior Police el-
_ven:
Line-up  —   Smith,    Sweatman,
Walling, Moncton, Green, Hunter,
Mlnlchlello,    Nlckaldo,    Hamilton,
North.
TOUGH SCHEDULE
FOR PUCKSTERS
Varsity Pucksters, who were downed 4—0 by Plywoods last Friday In
their King Crest League fixture,
have a schedule which cuts right
into exam time-tables for the next
three   weeks.
Tonight th-e team Is slated to meet
Kirks Clothiers at the Forum. Next
Friday the hockeyites are pitted a-
gainst Models, and Friday, Dec. 20,
they play Army, whom they whipped
4—2 in the first game of  th-a season.
"Do  you  think  women   have   more
backbone  than   man?"
"No   —   they   just  display   more."
DINE
AND DANCE
AT
HOTEL VANCOUVER
L
PLAYS
TO WIN
HOME GAS "leads the field"
with plus power, flashing speed
and star performance! Buy
HOME — Remember . . .
YOU CAN BUY NO
BETTER
Homo Oil Distributors
LIMITED
The Independent 100%
B.C. Company
H. Jessie How,
B.A.
PUBLIC  STENOGRAPHER
4451 West 10th Avenue
Essays and Theses  Typed
MOSTLY MOANINGS
For the information of the Mamooks and 2500 odd students
this University has a winning basketball team this year—a hardworking young aggregation that has swept through the first
half of the fastest Senior A league in Canada with seven
straight victories, minus the support of the institution which
they represent.
That mythical "college spirit", in which U.B.C. is so notoriously lacking, has hit a new low this year, and the hoopla boys,
as well as every other team on the campus, are righteously
angered. "How can we go on winning games, when nobody
turns out to cheer our players along," moan coaches and managers.
Wednesday night in the campus gym between one and two
hundred of the faithful straggled over from the library and sat
on their hands while the Thunderbirds thrashed the team which
was supposed to end the victory march.
WHERE'S THE MAMOOKS?
Not a Mamook was in sight (no doubt they wanted to keep
their season's record clean), and only a few leather-lunged individuals blurted out a "Let's Go Varsity" to encourage the
short-handed team. Tooke supporters made more noise than
all the exam-crazed students put together. This is only one
example of seven such exhibitions this fall—down at V.A.C.
on Saturday nights it is even worse.
So . . . the sports staff has a suggestion to make.   The
Thunderbirds won't be playing again till January.   We want
every student to make a New Year's resolution to get out
to games in the new year andf show the athletes they want
them to win, get out and do some yelling so the boys will
know they mean it.   And especially, we strongly urge the
Mamooks,  (you know, that "Pep Club" with the pretty
freshette cheer-leaders) to show some interest and lead the
way to a revival of college spirit.   It is their duty to do so.
LET'S GO VARSITY !
The cagers have that old school fight which carries them
triumphantly through teams of conceded superior ability.    We
wish we could say the same of teams in other branches of sport.
However, it's darned hard to keep up that fighting spirit  if
they don't get the student backing.
Therefore, let's all rouse ourselves next term and surprise
the boys. You'll see the difference it will make to the teams
and you'll get much more fun out of college life yourselves.
CC-CD
$ _p e cts
By Helen Matheson
During the fall term, the girls have
done quite well by themselves in
their league games. Led by Jean
Thomson and Ruth Wilson, th.
Senlor B's have forged ahead. One
game was dropped to Excelsiors but
In the return game with Jean Eckhardt again on the floor, they wiped
out th. previous defeat.    Twice they
have   walked   over   Westerns   of   the
A League.
Wednesday they put 20 In the bag,
io Westerns' 18.   Ruby Palmer waa
high scorer with ten points.   Lest
Saturday they lost  to I.X.L., Ope
other  A  team,  27—23  In  a  hard-
fought game.
| GRASS HOCKEY
At the -end of the fall season, the
hockey team finds Itself tied for
third place, having lost its first three
games,  and won the last three.
PHll'r,.
vtO'"" '-
Here's today's biggest Value In
pipe tobaccos. A fine quality
mixture—full of flavour—mild
and cool. Try a pipe today.
In pouches, packages and Vi lb. tins.

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