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The Ubyssey Feb 8, 1944

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•    e
No. 30
Engineers Prominent
In Campus Musical
•    THE OPENING night of the Musical Society's Operetta
"lolanthe" is only two weeks away and a certain group of
engineers have restricted their slide rules to a meagre eight-
OK's Corsages
hour shift in order to insure the suce
.•ess o
f the si
They will bo often resorling to
K.ook's Konstant and other correction (actors in then' 1 ib writcitpv
El StutTo Mill.; w ,11 run dry in the
chem eiu'.mei i'iii:'. !;vl> .■ 11<i mitnv
a differential equation v. ill remain
unintegrak-d. Worst of all, many
nocturnal revelries anil oxer ing
ski runs ii|> the mountain will be
forgone  until  i.fter  tho show.
Ono of the busiest men in the
production is E'ig Block man Perry
Hooper, Sc. '44 who i.s head of the
stage crew, one of the most responsible positions in tho Musical
Society. As usual, his crew is
composed almosl entirely of
Sciencemen. The.se men have been
spending at least one afternoon a
week for the last two months preparing tho sets for tho opera.
The members of the crow are:
Frank Haney, Sc. '45, Cum War-
render, Sc. '4G, and Gordon Carter,
Sc. '47, who look after the lighting;
and Basil Dunell, Sc. '45, Ernie
Rhodes, Sc. '16, Bill Moore, Sc. MB,
George Calver, Sc. '47, and Alan
White, Sc. 47, who look after the
The engineers are well represented in the musical end of the production. Back with us again to
sing in their sixth opera, are the
threo slide rule Sinatras I.en Cox,
Ron White and Al Day, all of Sci
43. These mon are becoming regular institutions in tho Musical Society and aro a strong addition to
the second tenors.
Swelling out the bass section is
a newcomer Boh Hill, ,Sc. 47, (not
to be confused with a certain foul
Aggie who is president of Uie J.C.
S.T.A.). Boh McLellan, playing Ihe
part of the stupid, humourless Earl
of Mountararat, should give a convincing performance, w i t h o u t
straining his histrionic abilities
vevy much.
Most of tho Sciencemen instrumentalist.'', graduated last year, bill
Arvid Uekstcn will be in the pit.
nlaying his clarinet. Arvid is one
of the most active musicians on
tha campus, for besides performing
m tha opera, ht» plays in the dance
orchestra mid in y'Saidfcnt of tha
Univerai'v Band.
WUS Mass
• THE Women's Undergraduate
Society will hold its first mas,;
meeting of the new year on Thursday, Febmnry 10, in Arts 100 at.
1?:.'!0 sharp, to revise the WUS
Certain revisions will be made
in regard to the governing body
and it is very important that every woman on campus attend.
Tho Home Economics Club will
put on a fashion show, under the
direction of Maxine Johnson, to
display tho drosses they designed
nnd made during the last semester.
At The Ball
In vide Commodore
For Big Aunnual Ball
* (Special to the SCIENCE Ubyssey)
• WITH THE Advancing Army of the EUS, Feb. 8, 1944—
General Bob Davidson announced early this morning that
the victorious Engineer's Army will open the long-awaited
Spring Offensive on the Commodore sector Thursday evening
at 2100 hours. (9:00 p.m. Vancouver time).
After a recent staff meeting, Generals Bob Davidson, Doc
Morton, Paul Hookings, Tommy Syme, Stan Beaton, John
Burton, Dave Burns, John Shaw, Vaughn Mosher, Fred
Shumas, Donn Wales, Ted Kirkpatrick, and Joseph Sliderule
Blotz issued an order that all ranks must attend a special
meeting at 1230 hours today in the Auditorium.
General Doc Morton will
• INTKRVIEWED in his luxurious headquarters late last
night. General J. S. Blotz BAC,
ibove, told reporters that he is
rt versing tho policy of the last
two Science formals and is permitting corsages to be worn at
the Spring Offensive.
"It is my considered opinion,"
he said, "that flowers add a certain air of refinement to the Ball.
All other formals this year have
permitted corsages, so why should
we hold out?   Besides, I have an
interest in a nearby florist shop."
• VARSITY'S Alberta - bound,
debaters, namely Rosemarv
Stewart, Harold Parrott. Donald
McGill and John Hetherington.
will make radio history Friday
night when their formal discussion in the Brock Hall is transcribed over CJORi
The team, which is scheduled to
take part in the inter-college conference at Edmonton on February
14, will discuss such controversial subjects as "Is Public Opinion
Fair to the University?", "Thc
University and the Community,,'
"Have Polities Any Place in a
University?" and "Is the University Man or Woman Necessarily a
Better Post-War Citizen?" ._.
Students who attend the broadcast must be in their seats by 7:45
as the program will go on the
air at 8:00.
Jl  ^""^
• ARTSMKN AND Attics will be envy-green again Thursday night when the Engineers
take their women (the Artsmen's) and rations, and head for the greatest offensive ever
planned. For weeks the Engineer's fifth column has been breaking down the resistance of
tho natives and a cummunique has been received from the front reporting that conditions
.*ro now favourable for each engineer to adva.ie* and select his "booty". Reliable sourest
. ! '■■"■' iv" .v ■; vn o.-' the opposing horde appear sympathetic toward the TUdahirt cauae hop-
no; i.' be- nMe to jam (he triumphant march o    : T Commodore.
preside at this meeting, and
he will issue final instructions for the Big Push to the
Second, Third, Fourth, and
Fifth Slipstick Brigades. Representatives from each Brigade will also he on hand to
take part in a great morale-
building show.
In addition to his clothing
(which need NOT be regulation
Tuxedo issue as laid down in P. R
Can. section 2. para. <c), line iii
each engineer taking part in the
Offensive should bring full eele-
biation   equipment.
Firstly, each Rcdshirt most b?
accompanied by one girl-friend
'co-ed model. Mark I). This item
is essential, as no engineer can
take an active part in the proceedings without one. All ranks should
therefore obtain one without do-
lay, before all the better ones are
After finding such co-eds all
Redshirts must apply for special
Red identification passes. All applications must be addressed to
one of the members of tho General Staff and must be accompanied by a fee of three dollars and
fifty cents.
These passes must bo obtained
before the night of tho invasion,
as no provision has been made
for Redshirts wishing to join tho
ranks Thursday night. Any Er-
satzman uttempting to enter by
disguising himself as a member of
the Select Red Army will be
treated as a spy and upon conviction will be impaled on a sharp
All engineers should also come
equipped with suitable R ration,
as the rigours of a cold night in
the Commodore sector are well
known. It must he understood,
however, that mooching of such
rations will not bo tolerated, and
anyone convicted of such an offense, will be shot <if he i.s not
already in such a condition*.
It is expected that the Chemical,
Civil, Electrical, Mechanical, nnd
Dawson Battalioua of tha Fourth
and Fifth Brigade* will put. on
apecial exhibit*  for tin native*. Pag« Two
StiMtetJMy, rcbruary fl^ 3.M4
• on the
• I LIKED the Geology
lab exam. It was so practical, working under the
.same conditions as a mineralogist in the field.
A mineralogist in the field i.s
invariably equipped with a knife.
a hand lens, one copper coin, a
: mall piece of quart"/, and a packer
with a watch. Under exceptional
conditions he may also carry a
small   quantity  of  food.
As thc geologist travels along
his route, he picks up all likely
took specimens and examines them
closely. First he hefts them to
find their specific gravity. Such
obsolete methods as the direct application of Archimedes' Principle
are    frowned    upon    by    the    pro-
t'e. Moo
I [a tin n .,i rap'hes the specimen
'■.i1!:   hi     I" info.    If til"  1. nife  mark..
il.,- l.i, i' : h.- h..| !ne , is i oil -
so'.\    sh-ml   ,"i a.    ( hi   the   other   ll,,ll I,
ii' the topper coin marks or i,
n arkod by the specimen, the hlird-
ne,,s is undoubtedly about 1!. Th.;
quart/, detects a hardness.
The mineralogist now examines
the character of a broken surface.
If he can see regular flat surfaces,
the specimen is said to have cleavage. If lie cannot see such surfaces he doubts his eyes and says
that it has cleavage anyway.
If the surface has a high gloss,
it has either a vitreous, adamantine, or resinous lustre. If the surface does not have a high gloss,
it has either an earthy, vitreous,
adamantine, or resinous lustre.
By this time our mineralogist
ha.s probably identified the specimen beyond all doubt. If such is
the case, tho good man whips out
bis field book and records the
name, composition, and two dis-
tiiHjuhhincf properties. If, however, tho specimen is unfamiliar
(as it very rarely is) ho records
instead   /o;ir  properties.
While the geologist is examining the specimen" the packer is
keeping a close watch on the
time. When three minutes have
elapsed ho calls  "Pass, please."
At this signal (he mineralogist
immediately lays the specimen he-
side (he trail lor the next mineralogist to examine, and picks up a
rock left l>y (he preceding mineralogist. "^
I liked tho Geology lab exam.
It was so practical, working under
the nmo conditions as a mineralogist   in  the  field.
On Weilne-day at 12:1m in Arts
llle. a s:u,leu; pane', for all students
i11*. ■ i"- -r t■ -tI ,n continuing religious
discti.-.sions Tinea well - known
students will speak briefly on tht
.de.'i prc.'oNVed or omit'nd at the
recap Religion mid Tafe confer.
61 u ei;
Thc  Engineer
Lone Lady Engineer
• ONCE UPON A TIME, a long time ago, in the cozy little
valley town of Pentieton u long-legged stork brought to
tht* Clarke family a little bundle front heaven swathed in
red flannel. This little red devil wa.s called Edna by her
adoring parents.
Now wo see Kdnu in her fifth
year plugging away at the secrets
of electronics. Ihe only woman in
,100 Sclera omen, a definite figure
on the campus. Oh. are wo tack
to   those  cm ves  again'.'
Our girl, kali,a, is tlm ,aiido<w
type a.- she exo lis on the ski
trail-: or the ice i ails- She swans
like a li-li. al..o li.sln •„ ;,i-l--. and
sho'.v.s a ::i cat interest in snaki s.
Tins 111i I i ( -" (■,nIIi ■ bout ;,s ,,
means rlf .self pp.I. el a-n a , aa ;u. ■
e     a,allele      Onu-vioils     of
men      are
rank' make.,.
The rumour thai our heiniue
\\,e, the famous I!cd Shadow of
w resiling fame m former \ cars is
entirely unfounded as Miss Clarke
has   been   making   her   pin   money
for tho last Inn \eais working for
Hecings and (lie Heastly I'.leclrir.
We now turn away from the
hum-drurn 'ife at e<>!ue;e and look
toward 'he future and we sec Edna
toiling fiway in  th» drahiiuT; room
>f n   btrgft  noionau
lint,   the
only wnm.in i*iig:".oor in their history Fame And forniiip haa come
to mir liit.l» r»d d«vi' and u *
l«av« her now happy and success,
rul and crawl back into our Vole
• 'i:   neact  tur.
A prominent meinber of the
discipline committee was inter-
\ iew.ng ,.n encjneer who hid
made somewhat of a spectacle out
i f    hiueelf   at    Ihe   Hall.
"Young   man '"   lm   said,   "I   un-
il '". l aid    that    \oii    got    drunk   at
t ■ e   Hdl   an '    a ei e   .seen   pushing
v la elkan i •',.       n; >     and     down
(hen,   '!.■     Shee;,"
..;..      r. | lad   the   offender.
" I V. . | le ,,-nt a! the Hid I to
. to,. ah d'sgr as rnl acts. Wber •
v. i ■   1   al    Ihe   lime""
"In    'he   v a. elbariow,   sir."
I',,, ■ ' .' o i i.-1 11-, wore down at
ihe i ',\ I' si ,i nc, ,,i\ ing gooij-b\ e
te th" ei;eiiit i rs who were going
h' -pen.I a | lea an.' two weeks at
'he C'O'l'C iamp at Vernon. A.,
the train puiled out, one turned to
the   otbel,
"(ieo. I wonder what they will
d" ?it  Vernon," she said.
The second replied, "Haven't, you
r-, »r  l«<-u  out   with  in •ngino^r?"
A in. tiie \»rv name souads hollow,
Arts, with nothing much to follow,
Arts Mu \**<r nu,TRind»d fcxila
Mnn (he pulpit*. teach the school*,
Tnk» viHi>- chuiej. of th*M otreer*
( h   d* odd  iob<i for FBjjneers
For Summer
• AT THE meeting of the Board
of Governor's held on January
31, thc following instructor! for
the summer session of 1044 wtrt
Department •! Bnglfcfc
Dr, F. E. L. Priestly
Mr. H. C, Lewia
Department al Gealogy ejsel
Dr.  H. V. Warrati
Mrs.  G,  O'Brien
Department of History
Harold A. Innis, B.A. (McMaster). PH.D. (Chicago), F.R.S.C,
Professor and Head of the Department of Political Economy,
University of Toronto.
Department of Mathamatftaa
Dr.  D. Buchanan
Dr. S. A. Jennings
Department of Modern Language*
Dr.   Charles Vyner  Brook*
Dr.  Ethel Harris
Department of  Physlrs
Mr    IT.  Eric  Langton.
kraatl tvriae weekly by the Stu-
de'nta'   Publication   Board   of   the
Alsaa Mater Society  of  the Uni-
▼assity at British Columbia.
•Aces Brock HaM
Phone ALma 16M
for Advertising
9taa*»d PuUUtfaax Ce., Ltd.
Ml W. AW KErr 1811
Oejnpvai SMkacrrptions-llW
Bruce Bewell.Sc. '48
Fred Shumas, Mech. '44
Bud Huff, Se. '47
Sam Gagliardi, Sc. '46
Ted Kirkpatrick, Sc. '47
John  Wallace,  Civil '44
Howie Shadwell, Sc. '46; Stan
Beaton, Elect. '44; John Burton,
Meoh.  '44.
Alfred Bonutto, Chem. '44; Tom
Syme, Chem. '41; Barry Sleigh,
Chem. '4-1; Hank Tiodje, Chem. '44;
John Shaw, Chem, '-II; B'ill (the
Bossi   Seyer, Chem,  '67.
Mrs : 9 a.m. te S p.m.; Saturdays 9 a.m. to noon
ftraphio Bngiaeering Payer,  Biology Paper
Leas* Leaf ReAll*. retuttain Pen* and Ink
arid Drawing Instrument*
< CM*'5
rC*C**     e*^     «   k^ *
V —-      A
■$$?X>* F
Tuesday, February 8, 1M4
Page Three
New Horizons Looming
For Engineering Grads
By J. N. FINLAYSON, Dean of Applied Science
• THE TITLE is suggested by an aviation company's illustrated booklet dedicated to the designers, researchers
and planners of tomorrow: the engineering students who are
preparing themselves to take their places in the armed services or in industry. Therein emphatic references are made
to the new and ever expanding horizons on which the young
engineer may well set his sights.
Special mention is made of tho
Dean Sees ...
world of the "Air Age" with it*
new geography determined by
great circles passing through land
and sea, mountain and desert, arctic and tropics alike.
Today, as in thc past, those who
cross unexplored frontiers discover
opportunity—opportunity for adventure to the adventurous, opportunity for knowledge to the
scientifically minded, opportunity
for wealth and fame to tha resourceful.
It is interesting to note, on such
reliable authority, that nearly
every leading figure in the aircraft
industry, up to and including company presidents, came up from the
drafting board, through the'ranks
of the design engineers. Some of
tho qualifications of a successful
designer are mentioned: thorough
technical training, an understanding of shop practice, ability to
translate acquired knowledge into
workable design, constant alertness
to the progress of scientific research, a creative, faculty capable
of forseeing the idea in actual
operation and an intense interest
and absorption in his work. Illustrating this last mentioned attribute it is recorded that a group
of engineers, with magnificent •
esprit de corps, worked 15 hours a
day and 7 days a week turning
out the first Mustang in an unbelievable 100 days, 20 days ahead
of schedule.
After outlining the duties of var-
ious design groups — the power
plant group, the. electrical group,
the hydraulic engineering group,
the ordnance group, the plastic
group—comes the statement that
the young engineer whose interest
lies with production may well set
his sights upon thc post of Project
Engineer. Besides acquiring an
adequate knowledge of templates,
tool fixtures, jigs and dies and becoming familiar with aircraft materials and their uses, he must
master the art of getting along
with people for upon this much
of the success of his job depends.
Courses In industrial relations
are offered by Ihe Extension Department of the University of British Columbia and indeed may find
a place in an expanded curriculum
of thc Faculty of Applied Science.
Present indications are that there
will be a steady demand for mechanical and electrical graduates in
tho technical branches of the armed forces, 'Jim majority of the
graduates from the other Applied
Science departments will be required for technical work in tha
field of production. It will be a
source of satisfaction to all graduates and undergraduates to real*
iz*   tliat   their   technical   training
will be utilited in some branch of
the war effort and that the selection will be made by the Wartime
Bureau of Technical Personnel
whose responsibility it is to provide suitable man power to every
part of the Nation's needs,
. . . New Vistas
Chem Commandments
1. Thou shalt not kill unless
thou canst prove that he didst spit
in thy unknown.
2_ Thou shalt honour thy neighbour's olfactory senses.
3. Thou shalt not pencil titrate.
4. Thou shalt not take the name
of  thy professor in vain.
5. Thou shalt not remain on th*
pans of the  balance  forever.
(J. Thou shalt keep thy desk
spotless that thy days may bo
long  in  the  laboratory.
7. Thou shalt not commit adulteration of reagents.
8. Thou shalt lovo thy •tore-
keeper as thyself.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy
neighbour's end points, nor hi*
success, nor his clean equipment,
nor anything that ia thy neigh-
10. Two days shalt thou labour,
sweat and swear in the laboratory
but the others are sot aside for
the peace of mind of thy professor and for the conservation of
thine  own  sanity.
A student was sitting with hi-,
light of love in the an iiioriuin
when the lmld- vo nt out. plunging the home in eoa,|-h Is hai'h -
Iicss. After a eon a- h a ,d .le t liii-
the lights went on a:  on
"If I had known that the heats
v ere going to bo out that long I
would have kissed you," quoth ho
to his girl friend.
"Oh," she replied, "wasn't that
<■   *   *   *
Definition:   A gold-digger  iy * girl
who loves to get nlew thing*.
/* Can't Happen Here
Th'S /\ttJT GoNN* Sropflfe fan GirrtN/o  Tne
B. C. Engineers Welcomed
In Canadian Industries     ]
• THE EDITORIAL REQUEST is for a clairvoyant glance
at the future of the graduating engineer. It is a difficult
assignment lor the path to be followed will vary with each
individual. Our inolto, Tuum Est, i.s even more applicable
in tho years ahead than it is in undergraduate life.
Ii we may place any faith in the
many     prophetic    announcements,	
including the very recent statement of Genera! Montgomery, that
predict ;,n ond of war this year or
eai ly in l'.ll,"), this year's graduates
will soon be free to plan their lives
ami choose their work as they*
wish. Under such conditions none
i.s more fortunate than the engineer graduating from a Canadian
With  So*  BrnltB I  wtuH  a»
Her father haa a lot of llauor
Brlda (phoning homa after *era-
n.onyj: Is it oil right i.mr
He is particularly suited to participate in the great tasks of development, reconstruction, and rehabilitation that aro planned for
the days of peace. Canada is still
one of the great undeveloped
i -aiiilne.--  of  the World.
Our natural resources await hive ' igala.u and di velopmeu'.. On
t! ' :.i   v. ,1   be   h,, -, d   .-ii     nereasnig
l.ogai'o is will be needed in large
numbers ami particularly young
eimincei's fur (he pioneering work
that is hound to loom large In a
country  oi (his kind.
In one sense this year's graduate
is more fortunate than any of his
predecessors. Each year adds to
the number of UBC graduates that
find employment al! across Canada.
Tiu-.so older graduates are to be
found now in all the provinces,
many of them in influential executive   positions.
They have established a reputation for the University and in
many ways made it easier for the
in".'" graduate  to find employment.
The longstanding monopoly of
AfcGill, Queen's, and Toronto in
(he engineering field of Ontario
and (fucbec, ami other provinces,
is uo longer effective.
This is a benefit of great value,
as those who graduated fifteen or
twenty years ago  will  testify.
My own experience tolls me that
the first five or ton years after
graduation are in many ways the
most important of all. Those are
tho years in which it is easiest to
obtain broad and valuable experience. The young engineer is much
more free to come and go as he
pleases than in later years when
financial commitments and family
r. spoil-abilities increase. Also, he
is m hi.s prime, physically; better
alee than the man of thirty-five
or forty to stand the strain of
long la sirs, dill',cult living conditions,  and  inhospitable  climate.
Very vmii the time is reached
when many interesting and worthwhile occupations are for various
reasons cither ima\ ailalile or un-
aia eptable. l-'or these reasons careful consideration should be given
to the path (hat is followed after
Mmplnyniciit should be expected
to yield broad experience and
sound training in tho chosen field,
These rei|iiiremcnls should certainly o\Hweigh immediate iinan-
fial returns. The latter will
Incrca.v satisfactorily if the foundation 1* well  laid.
Find Crude
El Stuffo i
• DEEP DOWN in the
depths of the engineering block the two miners,
six metallurgists, and one
geologist of Science '44 have
joined together to do research on a highly strategic
This small group, when asked of
their part ill the forthcoming
Spring Offensive, answered in
chorus, "Crude el Stuffo." It
seems that the two minors, Louis
Gall and Don McLean, and the
lone geologist, Dave Burns, have
located an el Stuffo bearing
structure known as "Duffy's
Cavern." They estimate that it is
about 000 feet below the corner of
Georgia and Granville Streets.
Reserves, calculating by integrating tho sensitive twitching of
Louis Gall's nose between the
limits zero and forty, exceed
10,000,000 barrels.
This jmaterial will be piped
through hazardous terrain to the
Commodore, This piping will be
nown as the "Can Alky Project."
Metallurgists Orval Bennett,
James Goodman, and Allan Currie
are now doing extensive research
in developing an alloy for the pipu
which will stand the terrific corrosive action of el Stuffo, Paul
Ifookings, Hugh Abbott, and
'Dangerous" Denny Robinson aro
experimenting with sample lots of
el Stuffo to see if it would make
a good substitute for embalming
James Donnan four beloved
Jim), Instructor, is stron.idy opposed to the Can Alky Project.
His crilici.sm may even reach the
Senate, but in times like these
there is little likelihood that such
opposition will cause the cessation
of   this  humane   project.
Piping operations will start V.
0:00  p.m.  on   February   10th.
There will be a draw in the
Auditorium on Thursday. Febru-
aiy 10. al noon I'm- :he Frosii
Spisne Circus. The draw is optional so i hat .'ill fie.shnu-n and freshette., net wi i,.:\g their names to
1"' entered .,re t,, is. I,, tie- auditorium foyer before Thursday noon
to cross their maun s oil' the list.
Those not doing so will find themselves a  partner  for  i he  big event.
Professor \\ H. Gage wil, officiate at the draw. l\u lioipants
will be divided ,nt.o sc. dons of the
city so that partners will be bvmg
in the saiiiu vieinitv. Pag» Four
Tu—day, February 8, 1944
Mechanical    Leading The Attack . ..
Men of 1944
•   MECHANICAL   '44   contains
several   interesting   characters.
Arranged   in    alphabetical   order
they are:—
Blair Anderson is a canny and
devious man with bright red hair
and a cheery smile. He has been
known to eat through several arts-
men at one sitting and finish up
with a barrel of aggie blood.
John Burton used to be a conscientious lad but the Ordnance
i.s rapidly beating him into shape.
Geoll Calne is definitely tho glamorous type which coupled with his
brains and deftness with snappy
comebacks makes him a real catch.
It is rumoured that this Ordnance
man has been taking a Charles
Atlas course, but it would seem
that he gambled a stamp—and lost.
Charlie Carncross is a New Westminster peat magnate, although his
business interests are mostly secretarial. Always jovial, not even
exams wory him. Glenn Chestnut
is a fireball on the rink or dance
floor. As well as being an Ordnance man ho is said to have musical   talent.
Hugh Christie is such a cjuiet guy,
Not  very   liKely to catch the eye,
Dul  with bobbing of gears
And abstaining  from  beers,
It's a cinch thut he's going to fly
Short blonde Bob Crosby came
to UBC after two years of wolfing
at tho U. of A. but marriage has
now slowed him up somewhat.
Tiny Deptford causes the room to
sink every time he enters. Don't
pinch his drafting stool or he will
bring his police experience into
play. Tall, dark and handsome
Boyd Douglas left Alberta to finish
his Mechanical course at UBC.
Bugsy Gagnon is a good old salt,
an authority on steam engines,
poker, and liquor and so he is
naturally headed for the Navy,
Carter Manhury attends lectures
by remote control, (tho remoter
the better). Paul Jagger hails from
the old world. This little joker is
not as dim a.s his RCOC pals would
have you believe. He is a rugby
player of repute. Bowser Kanccn
is strictly an Army man-—a future
Col. Shrum. Ho loves his science
course, so look out Sc. '54. That
slim, dark doubting Thomas who
keeps the profs from putting anything over on us or dictating too
fast is Fred Lnngcnek.
Hunk Livingston is a diplomat
and smooth operator in many
fields'. Studies once in a while and
seems destined for big business.
Aldo Maivoceo and his navy uniform wore made for each other.
Don MeCarter has a faraway look
in his eyes and is an active campaigner for fewer lectures, longer
sunnier noon  hours, and .  . .
Tall, dai k, handsome, curly-
headed, gay, glamorous Ron McKay is the playboy of Mech, '44. It
is too bad In- is so completely devoted to the COTC. Terry MrLorg
ha.s his interests divided four ways;
babes, babes, motorcycles, and
babes—but he has only ono motorcycle.
A. C
There   was  a  young  lady  named
Who thought that to neck was a
But when she got tight,
It seemed quite alright,
So all the boys filled her with gin.
»    •    •    c
An Engineer was supervising a
crew of Artsmen ditch-diggers.
The day was hot and progress was
highly unsatisfactory.
"What can I do with you useless
so-and-sos?" he mourned.
"There is a beautiful shady tree
o-. er there," suggested one of the
cultured  ditch-diggers.
"I know," replied the man of
Science, "but I haven't got a rope."
• *   «   •
A navy officer was walking
down the street when he was accosted by an inquisitive old woman who asked what the red
stripe next the gold braid meant.
"That means that I am a naval
surgeon,"  he  said.
"My, my," replied the dear old
lady, "how you doctors do specialize  these  days."
* *   *   *
Mm mini nnnnnnnm mmmm mmm.
From Alberta came young Robert
An aircraft designer for sure,
After four years of scraping
He hit M. E. 18
Now his future looks rather damn
Jim Porter is so tough that he
teethed on a lathe and at* scrap
iron for breakfast until the metal
shortage. With hi* experience with
carda and liquor he seems headed
for the navy, Short, curly-haired
Harold Saunders is often seen
gliding to and from the bus
stop with morsels of mutilated
protein. "King of the co-op" they
call him, or more often "King of
the coop,"
Unpredictable Jim Scott hails
from the farm lands of the upper
Fraser, but the only thir.g he has
planted are pins. Enthusiastic
about anything but lectures, labs,
COTC or work. Fearless Fosdick
Shu mas is well known for his
extra-curricular activities in artistic expression. For a small admission fee (one month's ration) examples of his work may be seen
in the fifth year drafting room.
Fred Small ia tho tall, quiet member of the class who believes in
work. John Wighton works hard
to keep his arts past • dark secret.
He;Do you dance?
She;  I love to.
He:   Boy, that sure heats denelng.
An Engineer was walking down
the street with his lady love when
he was accosted by an old friend
who spoke briefly and departed.
After the friend had left, the girl
turned to thc man of science.
"Was that man a scienceman,
too?" she asked,
"Darling," he replied, '"never
ask a man that question. If lie Ls
an Engineer, he will tell you so.
If he isn't, he will be too ashamed
of himself to answer."
# *   •   «
Co-ed:  Gee, I hate to think of my
thirtieth   birthday.
Catty   ditto:    Why?    What   happened?
* *   *   *
Artsman'•   Father:    la   your   aoa
Engineer's Father: He •artalnlf t*.
That'* all he think* of,
The Yarn Of
Civils of '44
A bunch of the Civils were whoop -
ing it up
In the fifth year drafting room,
And Yukon Smith at his drafting
Was leading a ribald tune.
Then out In the hall, there cam*
a bawl
Of a woman that's known iis May,
And out through the door with a
mighty roar
Went Slater, and Narod, and Clay.
Now ScarLsbrick sat, ignoring the
Of the drama out in the hall
For   his   eye   was   fixed   with   a
steady  gaze
On the picture of May on the wall.
Now   Wallace,   Cooper   and   Ben-
tall were there,
But their thoughts were not of tho
For out on the grass waa a comely lass,
Surveying, and headed West.
Swerdfeger and Mosher, both married men,
Sat   back   on   their   stools   and
For they knew very well,  that
these wolves from hell,
Would be wild on the night of tho
Now  this is the tale of tho Civil
Of the year of forty-four,
Of ten men strong, who could do
no wrong,
The   best  that  there   are,   and
*   *   •   •
Sergeant: Are you double jointed?
Cadet:   No.
Sergeant: Then your arm «
Sh*    i*    only     a    bootlegger's
daughter, but I love her still.
oteppins   with Dary Dan
• LATEST reports from the famous Sheep Shank Inn shows
how well their novelty burgers
are catching the public. Last
meatless Tuesday a Buffalo-burger bit three customers. Communiques say their condition is
improving. The booths of ocean
blue at tho Sheep Shank give you
that old bilious feeling that is all
the rage these days ... A typical
scholastic conversation overheard
m the Library the other day—:
The short, gawky P.U. told her
that he sure was feeiing low. Demure she, a baggy Awful Gam
replied, "Yeah bub, but you'd
better lay off in a hurry or I'll
mow you do.vn," . . . the Inn is
now . feeing ..toinaih pump service with all purchases over
2i) cents. Come to the Sheep
Shank. Or better still, eat at
• ANY fool knows the importance of a good foundation
garment and C. M. Barke has just
the thing to solve your sag problems. Tho latest shipment of
Gothic brassieres includes all
si/es from Elephant to Prairieland.
And remember the famous Gothic
slogan: "Wo make mountains out
ef mole-hills." . . . An old cow in
tho Aggie barns has finally given
her Mu Mu .sweetheart pin to the
love of her life, Vroukn Henger-
veld tho XVI, of stall two. She
had been going steady with an
off-campus steer before the exchange . . . C. M. Barke has a suggestion in time with the war shor
tages. If you do not lika your
clothes, take them off—you will
be more  sensational that way.
* * «<
• SCANDALS for ail social occasions are  on show at Bun-
Yun's Clever Floor, in design*
that will just thrill you to pieces.
There are the cutest styles of no-
sole wedgies with built in cocktail bins, not to mention the new
transparent bargie that shows
sou when it i.s time to wash your
feet . . . An invigorating blonde
horsewoman was surprised t o
learn in her social service work
that Sciencemen make the most
satisfying hu.sband.s ... Be sure to
drop in and have the new anti-
hot foot scow demonstrated for
your approval. Above all, remember" Bun-Yun's for the comfortable, happy, carefree foot.
•    ♦    •    »
• GERTIE'S Refined Necking
School i.s re-opening by popular demand. If you have not
been getting satisfactory results
from your recent dates, come
down and brush up on the modern art of smooching at Gert's.
There is a .special threo weeks
course on How to Bent off an Engineer . . . C.O.T.C. Quartcrmas-
tei has received word of a big
.Spring Offensive. Accordingly, he
1 .as ordered a shipment of buttonholes. These holes come in various
.sizes and colors. You are urged
<o j.-et one now for tho Science
Ball . . . Girls ! ! ! — toll your
beans to come down and look over
our    famous    models.     You    will
, i'roe, there's lots to see.
In  a  little  cottage  by  the  wood
An  Engineer  a   maiden  wooed,
So far,
So  good.
In  the  cat* "go  by  tho  wood
Where   tho   Engineer   the   maiden
A   woman   veops,
A   baby   sleeps,
Sr  far,
No farther.
*   *   *   *
Co-ed:   Who was that man I saw
von   kh".i  last  night?
Sister:   What  time* Tuesday, February 6, 1944
Page Five
' Chem
• Gremlins
Gremlins are there twenty-four
living in our old Chem store
Tell a story of their deeds
Or let your bones rot in the weeds.
Are "DES" Gremlins in the column
Heating up the spiral core
"SYMEY" lay there softly dreaming,
Quoth   "THE   LEADER ' — nevermore.
Are there gremlins in the office
Stealing books and chairs or more
"BILL"  was  sitting crying softly
But, alas, I have no more.
Grab your slide rule with a loom
"HAILE" is making thick old fume,
"MURRAY" gremlins still are free
Striving hard with untold glee.
"TOOMBS" is sitting all alone,
Tending sweating in the rack,
Poor old "OLES", he'll never sit
"BONES"   drives   him   mad   with
his wit.
"LONG    JOHN"    gremlins    and
"MACS," too
Big ones, small ones, "GRAHAMS",
Hurry, scurry through the room
Helping   "STUSIAK"   with    their
Gremlins are there in our store
They work and play but work the
There   is   "MANN"   with   tongue
like lash,
We aren't by far the smartest cl«si.
Test it, test it, cries the "BOSS"
You can't do it?  Applesauce!
Issues orders—gets him sora
"STUSY" piles it on some mora.
Industry, artillery, what will it be?
Will   there   be   gremlins   twenty-
Army, Navy, Airforce, too.
We hope to graduate, yes we do.
E'ut now'it's getting kind of late
Tomorrow  is the deadline date,
Chemistry calls its gremlin  tall
I, too, must return to its enthrall.
If   twenty-four   are   not   included
I meant not one to be excluded
But the time is short you see,
So I ask, please excuse me.
Oh my god, how do we wish
The time to fly by with a swish
This would end forevermore
The tale of Gremlins twenty-fou.'.
At Ihis point our class poet,
Bonutto, started babbling: "I quit,
I quit, I'm too comical!"
NOTICE: Room and board near
Sasamat for second or third year
student. Apply A. Williams, Arts
Letter Rack,
Fraternity and Sorority
Printing and Engraving
our Specialty
Ut toymonr Ba,
Le Reserche Magnifique
•   IT  IS  A   WELL  known  fact Using the lloor of the outhouse
that Proverbs and wise sayings of for   the   reception   of   the   falling
nationj  are  frequently contradic- body, the results recorded by tho
tory   and   unreliable.    While   tha artsman were as follows:
whole    world    is    undergoing Butter downward          52%
changes   in   policy   and   thought, Butter upward  48%
while our fundamental conception A discrepency of 2\ might be
of Physics, scale of Euclidean attributed to lack of attention on
Geometry, and Newtonian Laws the part of the artsman who after
are relatively shaken, it is essential a" had to get his meagre supper
to review the foundation of our from the residue, or neglected.
knowledge, to see whether It be ^ however, the floor was get-
sound or unstable, tin2 mole lhan u-suul|y dirty and
Imbued, I trust, by a truo slippery and as the artsman was
scientific impulse, I have conduc- complaining about the dirt, an
ted exhaustive and expensive re- attempt was made to save the
searches into one of the common- toai)t ancl buUor {or furlher e*P«»-
ly accepted facts of domestic life. i™vnti.
The results are so conclusive and A   slab  of   Overboard,   clean,
■o startling that we may be con- was luid and at once u chan«c wus
aidered to have established a new noled m thu rcsulU:
natural  law  not  previously  dis- Butter downward   64%
covered  or sufficiently  apprecia- Butter uPward              X';°
^, I can say with de Quincy, "Oh
The problem undertaken was to heavcns! What a revelation! What
Investigate the truth of the state- •   resurrection   from   its   lowest
ment,  "Bread and  butter always dePths of the lnnt;r sPlrit!   What
falls on the buttered side," n uni- an aP**lyP*> <* the world within
ver&ally accepted phenomena.* le'    '
_             _                _ Continuing,  I tried new  timber
CAREFUL PREPARATION .     , ,       '     , ,        -,.,,.
and   slabs   of   slate   without   mi-
No   heresay   evidence   or   hasty pnm.mcilti  Then a .sec!,on of now
generalization  from   personal   ex- lnluk,]m.   l{vsuUiS.
perience   in   the   home   could   be BuU(i|. (1(,wuwal,1          ly-
accepted   in  so   impor ant  an   in- Butter upward .              *V.
vtstigation. and preparations were CnUA we u, (m Uu. ngli, ^^
made fos a proper test. A ,.„„„„.,,,,,. I1(,w carp(,t wus tne(1
1. The  bread was found unsat- DuUcT d()Wllw,u.tl          Wu
isfactory in  its I're.sh state,   being Butter upward     ..        U u
too fragile and expensive for re- I>ISApi.OIVmG RESULT
ptatad   use—therefore   toast   was ■,■■,,
,    ,   ,                                         ,. Rather  in  dispair  I  borrowed a
uaed,   being  easier  to  manipulate .            «,
,      , , new   dress   from   my   sister.    Oh
and much more durable. ,           ,
„    ™     ,   ..             i                      i horrors!
8. The butter used was second n   ,         ,               .           ,nnl
',    _,       ,.          ,                . , Butter downward   60%
iradt Canadian whose lipoid con- _  .,
"    ,            ....            T             i Butter upward   40',o
tant  was  tested  for  each  sample _,.
.,          ,, ,             , Ihe explanation came out later.
aaccrding to the well known form- _      ,                                     ,   ,
,      ,.             ,   ,      r-.    ,,    o      < The  dress  was  worth  much less
ula   discovered   by   D.   E.   B.   of
_         , ,, ,       , than the linoleum.
Queans' University: .               ,          , ■, ,   ,
T .    , ,          .    .            ,      ,..„ A new suit was laid below.
Lipoid    content    equals    WC- n  ..       ,               ,
7t __ Butter downward   80%
,        ...              „,         .,.   r. Butter upward   20%
where W represents weight, C .    ,    L
, __ ,          , At last, eureka, etc.
cost and BF butterfat content. .                  ,    . ,
A   very   valuable   Persian   rug
APPARATUS CHOSEN borrowed from a maiden aunt was
3. A private, rather dirty, drafty USC(1 for ., fo wday;.
outhouse    carefully    sealed    with Butu,r dowmvm.ci   95%
guarded windows was selected as Butu,r UDward     5, ■
the location of the experiment. ».,.,,., . .,,,
4. An average artsman,  age  22,
■ . i  „»  ,l      ,^s    l          -,.         , Ihe problem wus solved,    there
weight 97 lbs.,  IQ about -50, and .           ,,.,.,
,.                     ., ls no doubt  that the statement  is
possessing  no   liquor   permit   was
r.     .              ,       7                   , true,   but   these   results  also   give
hired very cheaply to record on a ,      ,                   . ,      ,
,      ,,„,. ri.se to a far deeper consideration—
slate the daily findings. ,     ,                         , ,
,    ,  .    , indeed a now natural law;
5. An  electrical   apparatus  was ....           .      ,
,             ...         ..     n,            . A body moving freely through
borrowed*   from  the  Physics de- .,,    .                .    ,.   ,.  .
.                 .                      ,,   .   ., space will  always apply  itself  in
partment, and set up so that the ..          1A.        .        A   ,
,    ,  ,    ,   L       ,                  , , thc position of most damage.
toast,  duly buttered on one side, r             .,,.               ,    .     ,
, ,                            ., I am  willing to admit that tho
was revolved between two spikes ,                                , ,. ,    ,
,    ,        ,,                     ,             . new law is not yet established and
attached to the center of opposite ,                   ,   .           ,   ,    ,
,           _,              ..          , lurthor research is needed.   1 sug-
edges,    These   spikes   Were   con- .          .,          .           ,    .
,    ,,   ,   ,        ,                     ,         ,. , gest that enthusiastic students take
trolled   by   electromagnets,   which ,,           . ,              ,.      „ , ,
,   ,,          ,       , up tho problem in other holds;
separated them sharply on  every ,    rm       ,                    ,   ,   . ,
, . ,              ,          ,   ,, 1.    Iho    tree    use    of    ketchup
occasion on which the phone boll ,   ,,,            ,.      ^  .
„.»t~    m, •              ,            • , bottles   in   the  Caf.
rang. (*N.B— This was done with- „        ,_,               .
t   .,                               .   .,       r. o «••        rll°    result    of    practising
out   the   permission   of   the   B.C. , .     ,   ,          ,     T,     '
_ ,    ,          _,   , mashic shots in the L'rock lounge.
Telephone Co.)
.    _                                              , 3,    Ihe   result  of  opera ling  un-
6. The motive power to rcvolva .    .   ,  r„     ■      -  , ,
,.   ,  , tested  Physics  j  lab circuits.
the toast was supplied by an ac- _             ...  ,          ,
,   ,     .  , ,       „,. —Borrowed*'  from the Queens
tive squirrel (weighing 310 grams,
j  ».-, , -^      i            ,    , •      i   ■, Journal.
namad NikkO  who took his daily „            ,   ,
,    .             .      , not   admitted   at   present   in
exercise in a rotating squirrel cage ..    . „
„     .           ,      ,                      , ,  . Nazi Germany.
7. A supply of nuts was obtain-
,  .      .,., ,-.,,,, stolon.
ed for Nikki through the courtesy
of the Carnegie Research Fund. *    *    *    "
9. The investigators submitted An Engineer was in the hospital
themselves to a special intelligence in a very battered condition and
test, tho result of which Is held one of his friends came to call on
privately. him.
EXPERIMENT COMMENCES "How    did    l    *'et    here?"    tho
The stage is set, we are about to mangled   man   of  science   queried.
begin. "At   the    party    last    night   you
,4              .   ,                   ,.,.., thought   that vou  could  jump out
It  cannot   be   ignored  that  tha ,           ,    *      , ,,
of the window and fly down Ornn-
Arst two weeks of tha axperiment _,,,     c.      , ,,         ,,,, ,   ,,      f.     ,
v TUle   Street,     replied   tho   m«nd.
showed resulti tliat were diacour- ..Why (ll(]lVt you stor, m0?-
atflnl and contradictory, "I thought that you could, too."
Intra Wins
• STRANGE as it may
seem to the unenlightened artsmen, engineers have
red blood pulsing through
their veins, and stranger still
have enough of it to form a
team to compete in the intramural leagues.
At the beginning of the year tho
unaffiliated sports enthusiasts of
the Faculty of Applied Science
decided that there was not enough
exercise in manipulating the slides
and cursors of their .slipsticks and
therefore formed the "Engineers"
Intra-mural Team. Most of th>^
work of organizing was done by
Bus Ellis, who is largely responsible for tiie good showing made
by tho team.
Much to everyone's surprise, the
Engineers started out by winning
tho Cross Country, nosing out tho
favoured winners of the previou;
'ear. .Since then they have been
holding thi ir own again- t all
ec mors in all even's. At tho en I
i f tho fa '1 term the I'lnenie'r,
v ere in fourth place in the sixteen
ti am   league.
So far this term the Engineers
have continued their creditable
showing. In the Swimming Moot
Engineer Cordon Ralston won the
plunge   for   distance.
At the recent Table Tennis
Tournament the doubles team of
Rhys Bevan and Gil Joscphson
came back from tho losers side
after the first round t > finally win
the event, defeating tho runneis-
up twice. The tournament wnj
won by thc Engineers.
Manager Ellis says that "hi*
hoys" are looking forward to some
good competition in tho events to
come. Ho is confident that when
the final scores are run up on the
Intramural Chart the Engineers
will be up near the top.
After the  Ball-
Irate  Father:   What  do  you  mean
by   bringing   in   my   daughter   at
this hour of the morning?
Engineer:  I have to got to an 8:30.
Campus Song-birds
Slow Signing For
Airforce Vocalist
• CAMPUS song-birds have
made a timid response to the Airforce Band vocalist call-up. So
far only throe co-eds have signed
up for an audition with Bandleader Micelli.
As auditions are being held next
week it is imperative that all female Sinatras sign up in the AMS
office before Wednesday afternoon.
As everyone knows, Mr. Kennedy's recent edicts have very
scnously affected the social habits of tiie Engineers. A group of
public spirited Chemicals decided
to help alleviate this shortage by
whipping up a batch of the fameti
EL STUFFO. They worked for
weeks, rejecting one batch after
another  as  unsatisfactory.
"Well boys," said the head
chemist one day, "I guess that
we've lost the touch. No matter
w hat we do the damned stuff still
comes out  synthetic rubber."
Little     Miss     Muffet     decided    to
rough it
hi a cabin both old and  medieva1,
An engineer espied her.
And  plied her with  cider,
And   ncT.v  .siio's  the   forest's  prime
For your
Stationery Euppli»s
Fountain Pens
Slide Rules
Scales, etc.,
for the present term
Clarke iStuirt
550 Seymour St
Vancouver, B.C
Phone PAcific Till
Special student rate on presentation
of your  sindent's pass.
An AU Star Cast
in Technicolor
Color Cartoon
Olivia DcHavilland in
with Sonny Tufts
'The Battle of Russia"
Mickey Rooney, Judy
Garland in
"Youhk Ideas"
Errol Flynn in
phis Laurel and Hardy
"Dancing Masters" Page Six
Tuesday, February 8, 1944
Excel In
• RED LITTLE devils excel in
the athletic field as only devils
can excel. Among the UBC athletes are many of our engineering
brothers—Tommy Syme, one of the
city's most famous boxers . . . Al
Narod, president of the Men's Big
Block Club and former slar of
University Rugby clubs . . . Bill
Clarke, the sprinter from Victoria,
possibly the fastest short distance
man in Canada . . . Sandy Robertson, one of the best all-round athletes in Vancouver, he excels in
basketball, so.cer, and baseball,
as well .... 111 my other sports . . .
Jim Seo';, star member of he '41
championship hoop squad, ,vho has
r.turned to the courts th' ■ ;ar . .
. Ho. > Smith, the sengat.jnal soccer goalkeeper . . . Cord Sykes,
tho ambidextrous ■ jntie 01 the
basketball team . . . John Wheeler,
captain and star of die rugby learn,
who also coaches the team . . .
Gerry Lockhart, UBC ski champ
and ace forward of the rugby clue
. . , Put Campbell, the soccer sta,
. . . Norm C xike, the ho n. of iho
rugby team . . . Al Joiie.-, Htird-
work.ng rugby forward . . . Cle.n
Philley, iho speedy winger <k Uie
soccer team . . . Art Slilweli, steady
guard of the Varsitv hoopers . .
Gerry Wood-.', tops m skiing . . .
Fred Hole, the soccc: club's now
scoring threat . . . I3u\> Davidson,
EUS prexy, who won tee Spokane
cross-country in '42 . . . Juan
Hicks, the versatile rugby player
. . . Emil TuUtorus, the stocky-
soccer fullback. These are but a
few of the many of the athletes in
Engineering, for many who could
take their place with the all time
University athletes have preferred
to keep to their books and to limit
their athletic career to intramurals.
Debate On
February 9
• FRESHMAN    annual    debate
with Victoria  College  will  be
held at U.B.C. Wednesday, Feb. 9.
"Resolve that modern advertising is more detrimental than beneficial to the Canadian people" is
the question to be debated.
Ten applications to debate with
the Victorians have been received
by the Forum's executive.
In view of the numerous opnli-
cations, the Forum's ex« cutivo u
attempting to arrange wi'h Victoria College to select two teams
rather than one. By this means,
n debate could be held in Vancouver and Victoria on the srnic
Elimination debates for the
contest will be held next week.
Anyone wishing to take part in
the debate who has not communicated with Jim Wilson, vice-president of the Forum, is requested
to do so Immediately.
New    Improved    El Stuffo    Plant
THAT MAKES   You StOnko*
To A Slide Rule
Oh, magician logarithmic,
That hath never known defeat,
True comrade in adversity,
Accomplice in deceit.
':-i   .•'.■■■ t'eiling  inspiration,
(.   g   ■ .1 ion ,cu. . dvation,
beirc c.f  ii.,inite information.
' ie rept.tioudy   complete.
N  .ee-e- daunted by expression
(-   a, pnii ance pessimistic;
eh' convolutions sorpontilial,
;.. mholie and s'atistic.
,', .■"■■! I (if it is essential)
'     ve equations differential,
nnd lOiumdiums exponential,
B;.   manipulations mystic.
JLM.    •    •    •    •
If  you can  swing  an axe or wield a  brush-hook,
Qcr drive a stake or drag a chain all day,
If yo" can scribble "flggers" in a note book,
Or s. out a range pole half a mile away;
If you can run a transit or a level,
Or move a targel up and down a rod,
If you fear neither man nor devil,
And know yourself and trust the living God—
If you can wade a swamp or swim a river,
Nor fear Ihe depths nor yet the dizzy heights,
If you can stand tho cold without a shiver,
And take the Higgin's Ink to bed of nights;
If you can turn a  thumb screw with your fingers,
When every digit's like a frozen thumb,
If you can work as long as daylight lingers
And  not   complain  and   think  you're   going some—
If   you   can  sight   through   tropic   heat's   refraction,
Or toil all day beneath the blazing sun,
If you can find a sort of satisfaction
In knowing that you've got a job well done—
If you can be an Eskimo and a nigger,
And try to bo a gen l Ionian to boot,
If you  can   use  a  "guessing  stick"  to "flgger"
And know a coefficient, from a root—
If your Calculus and Descriptive are forgotten
And Algebra just servos you fairly well,
if  your  drafting  nnd   your   lettering  are  rotten.
And your Trautline's always handy by to tell—
LOST J. Waterman Fountain
pen, J '-d -j January 17, in tha
A dim. ...ii, Finder pleas? relurn
lo i1 >rr v  Stowe.
Thou art like an anaesthetic,
Thou dost deaden all sensation;
While dimly through the cursor
We behold the operation.
And even if my skill
Leaves  the patient  fee he- Mill,
Wo can make it what  wo will,
By  disc, root  apprnximul on.
So when my  day  i ; done,
And this frame ef mind  is low,
Clasp my hands around  my slip-stick,
As they clasped it long ago.
Then my face will  lose death's pallor,
And I'll grow again in valor,
As I calculate tho calorific values down below. —Queen's Journal,
If you can close a traverse without fudgin',
Or check a lino of levels by a foot,
If you can set a slope s'ake just by judging'
And never kick a tripod with your foot—
If you can run a lino whore you aro told,
And make it slay somewhere upon the map,
If   you   can   read   your   notes   when   they   got   cold
And know that contours mustn't overlap;
If you can line a truss or top a rivet,
And make a surly fureman come across,
If you can take an order as well as give it,
And not have secret pity for the boss—
If you can climb a stool and  not feel   lowly,
Nor  have  your   head   turned   by   a  swivel  chair,
If you can rcjich your judgments slowly,
And always make your rulings just and fair—
If you  can give yourself and  all  that's in  you,
And make others give their own best,   loo;
If you can handle mon of brawn and sinew,
And like the men and make them like you—
If you can't boast a college education,
Or  if you have a sheepskin,   can   forgot—
If you  got a  living  wage  for  compensation,
And give a  little more than what you got,
If you can moot wilh  triumph and disaster
And  treat  them  without   favour   nor   with  fear,
You'll be a man and your own master,
But what is more you'll bo an Engineer.
EDITORS NOTE: Because of
prescribed regulations regarding
Letters to the Editor, we do not
print any correspondence if the
names of the contributors are not
enclosed with the letter. If" they
wish to remain anonymous, the
letter will be printed in that way,
but we must have their namej
first. If the Three Musketeers
will come to the Pub and identify themselves, we would ba
pleased to print their letter.
Dear  Madam,'
In the UBYSSEY of February 1,
you printed an editorial What\i
Wrong with the COTC!" and n
column "On the MaU" by J. T.
Scott. Wc understand that part
of the editorial was not printed.
Do you think J. T.'s childish ram-
blings about nothing (he admits
this; deserve space in the student
paper ;it the expense of a compute copy of an outspoken report
in a timely subject'.'
Very Iriry yours,
II R. Ste.cn.s. St.'. '46
11. L. S.mnJers, Mech. '44
ED. MOTE: The reason that the
editorial was not printed in full
was that it had not been sent to
u.s in full. We could not obtain
the rest of the article in time for
printing. Had it been available,
v, e assure you it would have been
printed. JT had to fill the space
(Continued  on  Page 8)
• WOMEN desiring to prepara
themselves for positions in
personnel administration we being offered two fellowships of
$500 each by Radcliffe College for
the year  11)44-45.
Training for careers in this field
is provided by a curriculum which
is adapted to the objective of
each individual student. Instruction includes academic courses in
the Radcliffe Graduate School and
special seminars in personnel
prob.ems given by members of
tho Faculty of the Harvard University Graduate School cf Business Administration.
Supervised ficN work experience comprises full-time apprentice assignments i u industrial,
Lusine.s and governmental organizations.
Eniolmont. is open to a limited
number of college graduates. Tuition is Skill.
Further information can bo obtained by applying to Mrs.
Dwight E. Ilarken, Director Training course in Personnel Administration. Hadcliffe College, Cambridge   38,   Massachusetts.
LOST: A pair of dirty tan pigtex
gloves in Science 11)0 on Wednesday, January 12. Finder pleas*
contact Agnes Reid, Aids Letter
Rack.   Reward. Tuesday, February 8, 1944
Page Seven
Shopping    with Mary Ann
The Offensive Jeep
e THIS WEEK we are going to
fool you just like the science-
men do and not tell you about a
new kind of burger at the1 Ship
Shape Inn but about the cute
beard the skipper has grown. It's
a very seafaring beard indeed and
sprouts in all the places a beard
should sprout . . . the story is going around about a blond, fourth
year Commerceman in the 4t;i
Avenue co-op who was sitting in
the living room with his girl
friend the other night. Into a sudden lull in the^onversation of the
boys who wore having a snack in
the kitchen floated tho Commeree-
n.an's voice, "Now let's go about
tills the systematic way." They
were trying to decipher some
shorthand—he says . . . It's going
to be more fun than ever going
into the Ship Shape Inn at 1519
West Broadway because now th >
delicious hamburgers you get only
there are wearing cute little wrappers with pictures on. You'd jn-,;
hr.vo to wait and see what the
pictures   are.
•    *    *    •
• FOR Till', bi - a ■' ... 1- elioa of
shoos in Wee ..uver ell tin-
.smart co-ed has to cio .-, vi gt. th"
Clover Floor at line-Son's, liu-l
Granville Street and lot hers if
bo entranced by so much beautiful
shoe leather . . .If he wasn't well
oiled before, the manager of the
Employment I'ure.iu certainly wa ,
after, when he fell off an oil barge
into Coal Harbour. lie was wearing his airforce uniform too , . .
sport shoos feature some very popular models with flat heels in a
moccasin toed oxford, and a low
heeled brown ghillie lie which is
different and so attractive^ Women joining the armed .service-;
will be csprcia'ly interested in the
ranginge of service shoes on display. The Clover Floor price
range is $.".05 and S(i.!)5 and that
saves so much confusion in shopping because you know before
you fit. just
to pay.
what   you   will   have
e B. M. Clarke's at 2517 Granville at Broadway specialize in
torsetry that will do something
for you that nothing edso can.
They have just received a shipment of Gothic brassccrcs that ensure a perfect form fit. The name
of Gothic in brassieres is enough
1o tell you that you aro getting
what you want in corsetry . . .
•i minute-size DG and a Zete arc
ia the same car chain and thc Zet»
was driving the DG home ono afternoon. He stopped at his house
first nnd picked up his mail which
consisted of a flat package that he
handed to her, said it was hi.
grad proofs and asked her to open
it. After getting past the first
layer she asked him if he was sure
Ik wanted her t,o, he repeated it
was just his grad proofs, and out
came a beautiful red lacy valentine from girl friend in Portland . . . These bra sieres aro offered in shades of while and 1c a-
ro e, size, junior, medium, an t
full. Prices v. ill suit any ru-e i;
budget, a , th.-y reiga- from S!.«' >
to   SI.IS   v, i:h   a   : up- r! .I'.e   mo I- 1
at S.l;>".
9    YOl"YF,    ii'l   ciot   t i ■■■   to   ■■,-!
a    fill'    coat     to    Wi ar    o'.   -i      \ OU ■
be: t lire •; to the Sci-nee Rail of
course you'd have to huny and if
gull haven't gel lime this vaai
there will always be a Science Rail
next year to look beautiful at.
Whenever you think of fur.-,, think
of the New York Fur Company,
797 West Georgia Street, where
the coat you hope to own is kept
. . . It's always hard to catch up
ou .Sciencemen, but wo rlo know
i finally) about a blond fourth
year mining engineer who last
term was seen chasing a girl no
n telephone pole, and this term
it's rumoured ho is wearing her
Phrateres pin ... if you want a
fur that looks expensive but is
raally priced right for your wartime budget, why not go down
•and take a peek into the showcases
of 1ho Now York Fur Company
where you just can't help but see
the coat of venr dreams.
(McGill  Daily)
All   time   boners:
Caviar  is the eggs of a  surgeon.
Puerility i.s the st -te of be in.;
pure. 1 i k e virginity. . Illn u di
puerility doe-; not nece-'.-nrily indicate   virginity.
Catherine the G.vgt's lar Raid
was   hung   by   h"r  ..upporo - ■-.
Cromwell wis thrown from hi..
bor.-.e. suffered a fraetim- of tho
Fued,d System  and  del  of  it
An active word .- hove, action and
u  passive   verb  shows  p. -edon.
(Dalhotige Gazette  via  the McGill
(Indiana     Daily    Student    via
Queen's   Journal I
Flippant students gave these
,-n .'.vers Io the regions que-tion,
'What would you .suggest as an
invent ion for the I ■'. I term, ut of
cavili/ation'.'" put by thc Daily
I. An invention with a half bell
< a it. .- o that d oul;. v.ak<a, up one
: er ,,n   at    a   time.
II, I .uhrie .tod peanut butter ao
that it doesn't slick to tin- roof
of y oil i" n iouth,
3. A revolving fish bowl for tire I
K. Textbook.-, without print for
those  who can't   road.
Deadline Extended To
February  16
•  Hypothesis  No 23
My course is Engineering, I shall not pass
Il  makclh nio to work long problems involving moments of
inertia and radii of gyration,
It leadeth me into the deep mysteries of Geology,
It trieth my soul.
It  leadeth  me  into   the  vile  smelling  Chem   labs  for  my
professor's sake.
Yea,  though I walk in the shadow of the examinations, I
expect,  no enlightenment, but They are with me, my
Handbook and my Sliderule
They comfort me.
I prepareth a complex table for the benefit of mine instructors,
but they anointeth my head with curses, their wrath
runneth over
(For they discovereth that the table be cooked).
But surely knowledge will come to me one of the days of
my life,
Or I will remain in the Third Year of Applied Science forever.
Heed Ye, My Daughter .
■ ■
Verily I say unto you, marry not an engineer:
For an engineer i.s a strange being and i.s possessed of many evils.
Yoa, ho spcaketh always in parables which he calleth formulae,
Jfo wioldelh a  big stick  which  ho calleth  a slide  rule,
Ho  hath  o'nly   ono  bible—tho   handbook.
lie   thinkcth  only  of  stresses  and  strains  and   without   end   of  thermodynamic's.
Hi- shovcc th always a serious aspect and scrtnotli not to know how to smile.
Ho   picketh   his  sett   in   the  bus by  contemplating  the springs   and   not
the damsels seated nearby.
Neither does he know a waterfall except by  its horsepower,  nor a sunse'.
except   that it. meaneth that he must turn on the light-, nor a damsel
except  by her weight.
Always be cairioth bis books with him and he entertainelh his sweetheart
with  steam  tables.
\or:I.v,   thiugh   his   damsel   expectoth   chocolates   when   he   calleth   she
opirie'h  the package  Io discover samples of iron  ore.
Via,  ho  holdeth   her  hand  but  to measure friction  thereof,   and  kissel n
her only   to lest tho shearing stress of her lips, for in his eyes shinotl:
a faraway look that is neither love nor longing--ralher a vain attempt
to  recall  formulae.
Fvcn as a boy he pulleth a girl's hair to test its elasticity;
Put as a man ho devi.seth different devices,
]'Vr   he  counte-th   the   vibrations  of  her  heartstrings,
Aral  increaseth  their  tension to strike a note of resonance  with  Ins own.
Hi; own  heart   fluiterings he counteth as a measure of fluctuation,
And euscribolh  his passion  n* a  formula.
And lu.i marriafo is • «imult«maou« •qu»tl»» Involving two unknowns
Air1  • ioMiigg (hvrrss result!.
Vi.gv  1 ;„:'•   unto vou, marry not an  •ugiiiMr.
• ELECTIONS for treasurer have been postponed until Friday, February 11.
Speeches by the candidates, Ted Chambers and
Ken Creighton, will be given
Wednesday, February 9, in
the auditorium.
Platforms will be published in Friday's Ubyssey and
will be posted on the quad
bulletin board and also on
the bulletin board at the foot
of the Caf stairs.
"The Russian Experiment—Will
Iks Influence Spread?" is the topic
of the next general student meeting in the scries sponsored by the
Social Problems Club. It will be
heal this Friday, February 11, in
Aits 100, under the chairmanship
of Roy Lowther, secretary-treasurer of SPC.
Run Like Heck
Kiddies, The re*s
Still Time To See
The Pep Meet. Page Sight
Tuesday, February 6, 1M4
Nazis Raid
•    YOUNG   MEN   from  the Ur.i-
'' versity of Oslo have been forced   to  seek   .-hol'cr   in   the   lonelv
Norwegian   forests   as   a   result   of
tho Nazi  raid  on  their  University.
After the burning of their Audi-
t -rumi   vv hie"   --P
of   r: . -«- loin    ,e    i d
Allies Plan World
Education Scheme
• INTERNATIONAL EXCHANGE of educational material, teachers and students, of both primary and higher
education, and the establishment of an international auxiliary
language (English), were the suggestions of the United Nations Education Conference which was held recently to plan
for post-war education.
The  conference's report,  recommend*    the    extension    of    youth ■
travel schemes to the widest invisible   field    in   order    lo   educate
youth for world citizenship.
This includes business and industrial trainees, apprentices and
teachers besides students. The report also recommends that a
World Educational Exchange Council be set up. This would be made
up of tour representatives from
each, country: !wo government officials, one teacher and one student. The council would meet
There aro several type.-, of
schemes for tho inn 'national exchange of -gadon'. aud teae'ne'g
and   busilios-an n.
Group "A" eoie-ists i i I i;. gg
and Codec' vi .scheme. • I1 h as a an
holiday torn or crui-c ; i2i siiinmei
s.'hool or study 'our: '.',) luti-r-
national center, school or i amp;
M>   group  interchange .
Group "B" consists hahvi'iual
Tuition Visits: '1) Vacation
courses: <2i term or year in foreign college; (11) Education at an
international school; i-l> Traiuinj;-
omployuient interchanges.
A further recommendation of the
report is: ill That English shall
become the auxiliary language- to
be taught in primary schools, except in English-speaking countries,
where French shall be taught in
primary schools (thc teaching of
a foreign language in primary
schools' has already been started in
certain countries.)
<2) That these languages he
taught    in    post-primary    schools.
(3) That the teaching of these
languages shall in no way preclude the teaching eif other languages along lultural or practical
English was decided upon as the
auxiliary language rather than
some other language or some artificial Language (Basic English,Esperanto).
SRO   at  Ball
I as a symbol
U'.ou.   the   Ma.u
as sail Uud.a-., -,
,   ' olies-lUi ,,i'.oll
o'.V '■■ I   'o   I i -III I'll
'' i r i ud.eii.ee
parts of tie-
remain   in   the
Tiie '.'III Viaing men who escaped
hsd been forwanied by some
means of die- coming arrests and
s light refuge in the Woods where
the", now prowl like hunted animals, their only thought is how
to keep alive during the hard
winter    ;md how to keep free.
Greek Song
Festival Set
For March 1
•    THURSDAY.     March     2     has
Ih-011   sot    na   the   date   for   the
Annual Inter-Fraternity, Inter-Sor-
nrily  Song  Fc-.t.
Songs will bo sung' from K.U'I
until Skill) and dancing will continue from then until 12. Oil p.m.
There will be a slight charge of
at cents |>er pet-pon. No (.ut.sid.-r-,
are  allowed     As   vet    lul.e.s  l-.v,.-
Of Jobs Felt
By Bureau
• DIFFICULTY in placing students in part-time work has
been fe It by the University I'lm-
p.nymen! Bureau in January,
"ureal Do eel or Ed Frieson account.-, the decreased demand for
part-time- work to 'he increa.sin.,'
employmi nt in Vancouver and Ihe
fact that pait-iing- positions arc
being filled by those labourers who
fi, e  at  ] re cut   out   of  work.
The L'uro.-vi will e ni'inue to receive the registration of studrn's
who i■■ ijiiire emph o nu nt anil will
endcev •' o fuel posit ion.- fo;- tho ;e
on   ils  .ists.
...El Stuffo
Students Want
More Laughs
• IN A RECENT poll conducted
ny a Ubyssey reporter, these
questions were asked of 10-1
people: lb "Do you prefer, in addition to the regular nines, humorous ai titles serious articles or
;. balance of humorous and serious
■e p. ]. .,'."' ■ 2' "Do you like or di ,-
1 he the a: lie'e s \e, ilten by the
IRAC' i luepurv He .careh Action
Counci1 >'.'
'I'ho  results  worm
Question     number     1:     Humorous
articles:    -17   students.    Serious   articles:  7 students.   Balance:  48 students.     Indifferent:    2   students.
Question number 2.
bi  favour of the IRAC articles:  3,1
students.    Against   the   IRAC:    31
students.   Indifferent:   40 students.
LOST: Rimless glasses in navy
blue case.  Phone LAngara 0904.
* *   *   *
LOST: Light tan wallet in Ihe
Caf on Saturday, containing registration card, student pass and other
identification. Finder please return to Lost and Found, AMS
office, or Dorothy Williams. Reward.
* »    *   •
NOTICE: Newman Club's next
meeting will be hold at Carey's,
41.17 Crown Crescent.on Wednesday,  January 20 at 8:00 p.m.
* *    ♦    *
NOTICE: Will the person who
took a Chemistry 1. text book from
the Arts Common Room Monday
please return il immediately to
Milton M. Ne Met*. It is urgently
NOTICE: Written applications
for membership in the- Economics
Club will be received by Joe
Francis, Roland Dodwell, Gordon
Bertram or Rexse-mary Stewart,
through the Arts Letter Rack.
These must not be in later than
March l;i, but the sooner the bettor. Applicants do nut have to be
taking economics, but they must
have a real interest in the subject
snd be prepared to give a paper in
their fourth year. Applicants must
be in their second or third years.
• ANNUALLY the Letters Club
hold an "Onginal Contributions" night for which the members write a scintillating piece of
prose or a lyrical poem which is
then judged and criticized by all
those   present.
Threo poems and three pro:.e
selections were elected for honourable mention at tho meeting
last week.
Two poems by Muriel McDair-
mid and one by Burton Kurth
were especially commended and
among the prose readings, El
Brown's "The Sweepstake Murders," "Precedence" by Pat Whe-
lan, and "Centenniary in Heaven"
by Oie Nygard won honourable
• TIIE LATEST library display
will consist of several pieces
of glassware, three Lalique and
four Vcnini glass works.
Lalique's glass has the ethereal
brilliance of Arctic ice. He revealed the beauty of glass as glass
and is considered the champion
of uncoloured glass. 'The Dancing
Girl,' one of his works of art, will
«Pl«-ar in the di.spla.v_ A plat*
modelled into a fish theme and a
trinket box  will also be displayed.
Tho Venini works have shown
wonderful skill with "bubble
forms, .so evident in the works of
the    Venetian    masters.
Two 'bubble' forms will bo present in the display, as well as two
fragile  pieces of  Venini  works.
Tho display will appear in tht
library tomorrow and will bo on
vi«w until next Saturday. Thorn
are also many interesting reference books on glass-making of the
present day, available at the reference desk.
Run like Hell, Girls, Pep
Moot's On Now.
(Continued From Page 6)
The Ubyssey,
Dear Madam,
The hair-raising fiasco of the
last AMS meeting wil! go
down in tho history of men'«
minds, (what is left of them,)
at one of the greatest displays of
democracy nt work that many of
u.s have had the pleasure to escape
One of the greatest prizes of
Democracy is the right, and privilege, to vote on public policy
and expenditure. Obviously the
method of general meetings is
practically out of the question.
The government of Canada, or any
other great modern democracy,
cannot call a public meeting with
a quorum of 33 'I to be present.
Nevertheless, the great democracies of tills world do keep a fairlyv
reliable record of the pulse of that
country's public opinion. They
don't disrupt the nationa life by
calling everybody together and
cancelling all other activities till
the questions are settled.
The country's surest, official.
end simplest of several methods to
the plebiscite. The plebiscite has
been argued to be crude, costly,
and cumbersome; vet it is superior in its accuracy of vote and
.simpler   and    more-    convenient    in
its     oporat.on. much     lx-tter     in
every way to a fluctuating public
My proposition is that provision
be   made  for:
1 Any question requiring a quorum vote be voted upon by the
method of plebiscite.
2. Tho voting period of the plebiscite be the length of the school
day. so that students may vote at
their most convenient time during
the day
3. There shall be only one polling
booth, centrally located, and manned at all times of the voting day.
4. That thc right to vote be established by the possession of an
unmarked AMS pass, and that
that pass be cancelled for voting
for that day by a distinguishing
5. A quorum of 33 r'o of the possible voting strength must vote to
make the vote legal
6. That a notice board in a publicly accessible place be set aside
for the purpose of airing views of
the pro's and cons of the coming
question ids).
I would suggest that these recommendations lie accepted as a
legal method of determining the
.student vote on student and AMS
James Craiger
- sciCNce/^eM
he Ball Thursday


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