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The Ubyssey Mar 28, 1941

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Full Text

 BEAST STALKS CAMPUS
PUBLISHED TWICE WEEKLY BY THE PUBLICATIONS BOARD OF THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
vol. xxm.
VANCOUVER, B. C. FRIDAY. MARCH 28. 1941
No. 40
COLONEL SHRUM FIRED
With Enthusiasm
For Training Corps
—photo by  B1U  Grand.
New Publications moguls, pictured here on the Job reporting a football game, are Archie Paton, left, new editor of the Ubyssey, and Lionel
Salt, new Totem chieftain.   Both are veterans of the PubUcatlons Board.
Paton Will Head Ubyssey;
Lionel Is Worth His Salt
^ Once again the Pub God
is a country boy who
doesn't like swing. For
Archie Paton, who replaces
Symphony-lover Jack Margeson from Trail, is a waltz-
lover from hilliwack.
The new chief, who next year
enters his last year ln Arts, arrived
on the campus ln the fall of 1930
and Immediately began his rise to
the top of the PubUcatlons ladder.
Assistant Editor, Editor of the
Tllllcum, Sports Editor—he's been
each one.
Nov Schmoz
He had taken his Stnlor Matrlc at
Chilliwack High School, where he
became the popular Editor of the
"Tatler" and Preeldent of the Student Council.
Once on the campus, he entered
into the full whirl of activities.
In addition to his journalistic work,
he participated ln basketball, Radio Society, and was elected Men's
Athletic Rep  of  the Junior  Class.
Because of his promotional efforts this year, he will probably
be known in Pub annals as
"Chinky" or "Percolator", but not
if  he  can  help  it.
For the next volume of the
Ubyssey, Archie plans to continue
the new| make-up adopted last
January and, If possible, even
moro   pictures.
"I strongly favour," he challenged yesterday, "the continuation of
Pub-Council game. But I intend
to  keep it  clean."
And so we have him. Straussy,
Chinky,  Sporty,  and  Curly.
^ The Totem is now in the
hands of the Royalists—
next year's editor is a Baron.
We refer to Lionel H. Salt,
"Baron of Boogie", whose
lordly presence has haunted
the Pub for the past three
years.
At this moment, Lionel ls haunting is tea d a ward at St. Joseph's
Hospital 1 Vlcorlo, where he Is recovering from n emergency operation,, occasioned by an appendicitis attack suffered while on the
boat to the island tor the basketball game.
Ka Pop
....When he heard the news, he
smiled up from his bed, broke off
his discussion with the nurse, and
offered, "Thanks, chums, I'U do my
best."
To his associates on the Pub,
such trite assurances are unnecessary, because his work as sports
reporter, sports editor, news manager, and associate Totem editor,
has proved him to be one of the
most versatile t scribes ever to hit
the campus. This Includes authorship of startling book reviews for
literary supplements which cause
riots around the library desk.
Until he returns from his forced
holiday, It ls impossible to know
of his plans or staff for the 1942
Totem. Nevertheless, you can be
assured  of something startUng.
Lionel Herbie Salt Is destined for
the newspaper business, needless to
say. Only other ambition he ever
confided to us was "To go beetling
down Granville Street at the
throttle of a B.C. Electric trolley."
So you can see that the Totem
of fie will be no duU place next,
year. "
Ubyssey Goes Graptiic
Commencing this issue we present your NEW EASIER-TO-READ
Ubyssey.
Taking its model from Inferior rags such as LIFE? LOAF? LOOK
LISTEN and B-M, and the BOOZE—HERALD (for victor) The Ubyssey
-1-eseiitK   special   picture   sections   In   this   issue,
This:  has  several  advantages:   1.     We can   fire  half  our  reporters.
2. There   Is   less   to  read.
3. There is less to write.
4. It  gives us six  pages  and Morris can  put  in  more ads.
Quits
0    "I   AM   FIRED   with   enthusiasm   over   the   way   the
C.O.T.C.   has   been   carrying on lately "Colonel G. M.
Shrum told the Ubyssey Thursday.
At the same time Colonel
Shrum denied rumours that the
Corps would bo sent to Manchuria
to quell an  impending evolution.
"I am totally Ignorant," the Colonel asserted. "Of any move of
this nature.
The Colonel branded recent letters to the editor of the Vancouver
Dally Province, which charged
apathy on the part of University
students as being "rotten" to the
Corps."
'So many students have rushed
to join up with the Corps that we
just don't know our own strength
he emphasized.
OOON
Members of the Ubysey, the Tot-em, the Tlllicum, the Directory,
Ll-etr Sinclair's staff ,and numerous Pub loungers wish to thank
Caf Manager, Frank Underhiil, for
the weekly cases of free coke he
has supplied so cheerfully thla
year.
—photo by the late Bill Grand.
Dr. Kaye Lambs "I think something has come over the library."
Sciencemen Invent
Beast In Spare Time
0    Terror struck the campus late Thursday when   a  huge
monstor escaped from the.Science building and bounded,
across the campus in mighty leaps, leaving a trail of devastation in its wake.
. tobacco habit.
Everybody Has Good
Time At Pub Tea
Hordes of hungry Pubsters
crammed the men's smoking
Room in Brock Hall at the annual
Pub Tea Wednesday afternoon.
Frantic waitresses dived to salvage
tablecloths and chinaware as tho
starving mob, having cleaned up
crumpets, scenes, toast, jam, cake,
cookies, and fruit sundaes, looked
-eagerly for more grub.
Loklng self-conscious and prim
at the head table sat retiring Editor-in-Chief Jack Margeson, Edl-
tor-ln-Chief-Elect Archie Paton,
News Manager Japet Walk-r, Totem Editor Betty Quick, and guest
of honour Stu Keate. All of these
suckers made pretty speeches, especially Keate, who. however, waa
interesting.
Archie Paton, ns tho rrow Editor, presented Jack with a beautiful corsage of yellow daffodils,
charmingly tied with a floating
yellow ribbon, and also a 5c cigar
Which  he  hasn't   yet  paid  for.
Janet Walker presented Jack
Margesoa -.villi '.wc recoi-i.s _n-' u
sponge Bath Pot. Bud Devlin presented Be' ty -?uick with a corsage. The ex-E.-in-C. presonted
Janet Walker, Betty Quick, Edna
Wlnram, Pierre Berton and Archio
Paton with gold (?) pins. In short
It   was  wonderful.     Everybody   got
something, including th-e Circulation Manager, who gut indigestion
after his 17th crumpet.
Paton told Paton n joke about
Haney (for copies aee Point-Grey
News-Gazette) and then announced promotions. Betty Quick is
News Manager, Jack McM.llan and
Les Bewley are Senior Editors, and
Jack McKlnley, the cm-ly-halr-ed
Phi Delt in Mary Ann's column, Is
Sports Editor.
Goon, Goon, Goon
Doris FUmer-Bentuitt ls Handbook and Directory Ediior, i.nd
Ubyssey Literary Editor. Lucy
Berton, Marlon MacDonald, Marg
Reid and Jack Pony are Associate Editors. Ho'g.- uarvl is Pub
Secretary, and Assistant Editor,
and Wardroper is Exchange Editor. Bob Menchions Is Circulation
Manager.
Assistant Sports Editors are
Jack Mathieson and Chuck Claridge. In cho absence of Lionel
Salt, who incidentally is Improving. Totem pioniotioi.-, were not
announced.
But uder Ll int.'. the Tot.-m will
be bigger and boiler, even if he
has to do it hlms-lf, an informed
source tolcl  the Ubyssey yesterday.
When we s.iy Salt iii improving,
we mean In health   not  morals.
The beast, which is still at large
in the Point Grey district, ls being
hounded by posses of police and
vigilantes, bloodhounds, whippet
tanks and biology professors.
The monstor was bred In a large
bottle in the basement of the
Science Building by research
workers Jonathon Sprout and Algernon Whittimore who are being
hailed by scientists and biologists
as   modern   genius.
Klink, Klink
Prcsidvnt L. S. Klinck took a
different   slant.
"This tune the Soeiicemcn have
gone too fas," !v* c|u«vcred as he
craw'-c.i ct'l from under tho mahogany   Ir.hlo   in   his office.
Sprout and WhUt'more h-id Intended to pubiWh their findings
In the Americar. Jounal of Scientific Research, but ufortunately
this will be Impossible as the two
students were to.n to shrads by
the beast as it made good its vj.--
cap*.
"I think smoethin. has come
over the Library," said Dr. Kayo
Lamb as the monster took th.
building  ln one  mighty  leap.
Screwing up his fast-waning
courage, the Indoininatable librarian leaned out of the library window and tickled the monster on
the sole of his foot. . Dr. Lamb
will be awarded ihe Victoria Cross
posthumously  for  this daring  act.
Goon, Goon
Two Ubyssey reporters who
were puhed out of th-? Brock Hall
by senior editors and assigned to
Interview the beast have not yet
returned.
Bill Grand, Ubyssey staff photographer, who obtained the only
existing photograph of the monster, will be buried v/.th full military honors on Saturday. No
flash bulbs by request.
At present the fiend is believed
to be searching for a mate in the
Union College vicinity. Biologists are working frantically to
discover Sprout and Whittimore's
secret.
IN MBMORIAM
The Ubyssey hesitates to interpose a serious note in this Issue.
The following message is printed
by special request. As many etudents aa can do so should meet
faculty members at the Main entrance to the Administration
Building  today  at  12:43  p.m.
"This year we wUl again pay
tribute to the Class of '14 at the
pr.nual academic ceremony. The
ashes will be scattered at the
Class of '29 stone seat on the lawn
before the Library. Copies of the
Mr. Ridlngdon's charcoal sketches will be distributed. Students
of the senior years are especially
asked  to  turn   out."
L. S.  KLINCK.
Pankhursts
Stage Riot
On Campus
•...incensed at their failure to secure a franchise ln the recent
Art* election*, 50 co-ed* laat Friday
staged a demonstration in the quad.
Breaking windows and tearing
ArtsMEN in choice pieces, they
paraded the campus screaming
"Down with the AMUS" and
"We're Arta undergrad* toot" Interviewed by the Ubyaaey, Sandy
Nash, retiring AMUS prexy, admitted that women have asked to
attend, but denied that any attempted to force their way In. "Why
should we let them vote?", he
laughed. "They don't even let
French  girls vote."
However, Hildegarde Waddle and
Mary Slogg, leaders of the saddle-
shoed Pfiikhursts, branded as unfair the present system. "If the
Arts men conUnue to be so* unreasonable, there'll be closer cooperation between WUS and SMUS
and you know what that means."
Keller Gambles 50 Grand Legacy On  Rabbit9s Habits
Ed. Note—It is with pride that
The Ubyssey marks "Exclusive"
acros the top of this story. Again
we beat every other campus newspaper in bringing you this scoop.)
By W. HAMILTON JOHN
Rabbits — millions of them —
will provide U.B.C. with funds to
rear mighty palaces of learning on
the Point Grey campus and provide the Caf with meat for year:.
to  come !
Dr. Joseph M. Keller graduate
worker in the Department of Animal Husbandry, made public today esults he plans to publish in
the Journal cf Canadian Qurater-
lles  In  the June  issue.
Dr. Keller will be remembered
by students as the recent inheritor
of a surprise legacy of $50,000.
Rabbits
"The entire sum will be used to
buy a huge stock cf rabbits. A
small sum will be set aside to purchase edibles. The Department of
Animal Husbandry will give its
official blessing to the marriages,
and will employ all its arts to
consummate the experiment," he
■ said.
Dr. Keller led me to the pen
where the gigantic experiment Is
already uncl'.r way. We were
standing ln the stiff clear breeze
that fans the roof of the Science
Bu.'ldlng, He took out a pencil
as he leaned over the side of the
rabbit hutch which has already
been   placed, there.
"Haven't checked them since
last night," he confided, "or
rather I should say 'counted' because nothing can check thein."
in the pen, then scratched out 230
and wrote in 350.
"By poduclng these rabbits for
sale to the universities of North
America we shall reap huge returns," he said, pausing to tub
out 350 and write 500 on  the tally.
"You see, from these" — he
paused — "1000-odd rabbits we intend to also a huge stock. Even
if we flood the market with rabbits, the price should be sufficient to return me my $50,000 and
provide the Uni vacs it" with funds
to construct five new buildings of
approximately $200,000 dollars
value  each."
"But Dr. Keller," I Interposed,
"what will you feed these" — I
paused  —  "1700-odd  rabbits?".
Rabbits
Rabbits
"That's 250," he said, crossing
out a large "51" from the night
before.
The researcher paused to glance
"We plan to feed our present
stock on caviar," he said, "later
this may prove expensive."
Mr. Oeorge and I left the 2000
rabbits   happily   feeding   in   their
pen as we strolled over to look
at the view. Then we strolled
back   again.
"But Mr. George." 1 queried,
"will there be enough students to
care for these"—I waved my hand
toward  the  pen —  "5000  robblts?"
Rabbits
"That is not such a serious
problem while there aer just 7200"
declared Mr. George, "but where
can we find accommodation for
them?"
"Well, when you've only got 10,-
000 I can see—" I began, but Dr.
Keller gripped my wrist in a
vice   of   iron.     At   tho   same   time
1 saw the sides of the pen strain,
then   burst  In  splinters.
"Run like a hare!" he shouted
in my ear as thousands of the
furry beasts tumbled over the
roof  spilling  onto students  below.
RUN! RUN! THE RABBITS ARE
COMING!
RUM   BOOGIE!
-v«| Page two
THE      UBYSSEY
■ Friday, March 28th, 1941
ROGUES
GALLERY
ignorant
of attempt to blow up .Brock H.
Mourned
,  .  . passes on.
Popular   Editor-in-Chief   who   this
week passed on  out of  the  Publications  Board.
Demands Recount
a Blots on the campus escutcheon
Ex-Champ
fp
loses trousers in poker game.
People Do This.'
r
"How doe* ll fe*l to b* th* Hon of th* party?"
"It's |u*t Ilk* soiling Sw**» Cap* from hom*l"
SWEET CAPORAL CIGARETTES
"Thepurest/orm in whieh tobmcco can be smoked."
t
UNIVERSITY BOOK STORE
Hrs.t 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Saturdays 9 a.m. to noon
LOOSE LEAF NOTE BOOKS, EXERCISE BOOKS AND
SCRIBBLERS
AT REDUCED PRICES
Graphic   Engineering   Paper,   Biology   Paper,
Loose   Leaf  Refills,   Fountain  Pens  and  Ink
and Drawing Instruments.
C'    In   c-ctiiicc-tinn   with   Its   education   camp-ilftM.   the of   Engineers,   Players   Clubbers   and    Pubsters   who
have  never   seen  the  hitcrllor  of  thc   building since
Ubyssey   presents   with   pride   a   picture   of   stu- they     wcro     ahown     through     during     their     first
dents nt work In Ihe Library.    Tills Is for thc benefit       I-'rcshmnn   week.
*     •     *     *
- - Special Student Rate at - *
CAPITOL   -   ORPHEUM   •   STRAND   -   DOMINION
By Presentation Of Your Student Pass
Louis Hayward — Joan
Bennett in
Gene  Terney
in
"TOBACCO ROAD"
CAPITOL
George Brent — Brenda
Marshall
"SOUTH OF  SUEZ"
also
"Here  Conies  Happiness"
STRAND
"Song  of  Monte  Crlsto"
Bob Crosby in
"LET'S   MAKE   MUSIC"
ORPHEUM
Bette Davis  in
"THE  LETTER"
Robert Taylor in
"FLIGHT   COMMAND"
DOMINION
The Brylcreem habit makes
success a habit...
Dead
•f I .* 1 * »  11
as5l**m
# Two prominent undergraduates
Alexander Gubriddle and WUl
Uplinxsky, pictured above, show
the sad result of improper campus
wear. WIU didn't get his suit at
Flip Flop Tailors, and he feela Indecent. Alexander did, but he
does   anyway.
against student council.
A lady fair was never won
By locks unruly.
Successful men know why.
Neatness "above the ears"
Is one sure way
To the heart of a woman.
BRYLCREEM . . .
Makes stubborn hair behave.
Imparts lustre to dull dry hair.
Does away with dandruff.
Fights falling hair and baldness.
Brylcreem is the Empire's favourite.
Over 18,000,000 tubes and jars
Bought annually.
So it must be goodl
Costs as little as 23c.
For extra economy buy
The big SOc tube or jar.
Money-back guarantee.
llll Y   Illll I I   .11
BRYLCREEM
I II I        I'I   I    I   I   ,    I        M /mi-        I .1' i     .   . I ' ll . I  <   . n I l
C, iff'.i -v , i.. Oi ..<, I1 /_.».</•./ .1,,
Reduced
Rail Fares
for  students  and  teachers
for  Easter  vacation travel
One-way   Fare  and   One-
Quarter   for   Round   Trin-
between all stations In
Canada. Good in all
classes of accommodation
Minimum Fare, 25c
Good   Going:
March 27th to
April ISth
Return Limit: Leave destination
not later than Midnight, May 2.
Certificates may be obtalneo
from, registrar tind should be
presented    to   Ticket    Age-nt.
CANADIAN
PASSENGER
ASSOCIATION
W41-234
50UH
THE    BE
MILK   CHOCOLATE    MADE >*J>
fday, March 28th, 1941  THE     UBYSSEY :     Page Three
ionor Student Found Dying In Library
Fifteen Years Without A Stack Permit
e    Lost for fifteen years in the dark confines of the library
stacks, pale-faced and utterly exhausted, a middle-aged
man was yesterday assisted  up to the main reading-room
and rushed by Exclusive Ambulance to a city hospital.
He   wa*   Richard   M.   S.   Moor- ..^^^^___,_^^^^_^—^.^^^
house, classics honour student at
the University from 1923-26, who
disappeared completely from sight
on February -3rd, 1928. PoUce
and campus authorities co-operated
In an intensive search for Moor-
house upon receipt of Information
from hi* mother that he had failed to return home that night. He
had been given up for dead by
relative* and friend* a year later.
Moorhouse wa* discovered by
Arthur Richardson,! fourth year
Art* student, who had gone down
to the gloomiest part of the stack*
in search of volumes DD329 and
DD32T.
Signed Statement
"I waa just reaching for DD32S."
he said, In a signed statement to
Ubyas*y. "when my foot touched
aomethlng soft. Moorhouse was
half-lying againat the stacks. He
seemed all done In. There were
booka. and sardine can* lying aU
around him. I aaked him what he
wa* doing here; but he didn't aay
anything—he juat stared up at me.
Then I ran upstairs and got help
to bring him up."
A touching scene waa enacted at
th* hospital bed-aid* of th* lost
man. HI* aged mother, smiling
through tears, wa* clasping her
now-elderly aon to her breast. Hla
three al*t*r* were holding hi*
hand*. At th* foot of hi* cot,
overcome with emotion, wa* th*
girl who hack-worn herself to
splnsterhood after Moorhouse was
presumed dead. After fifteen
years, she was unable to speak
a word.
* Granted permission by his doctor
to interview the paUent, a Ubyssey
reporter was present to hear Moor-
house's amazing story. RambUng
and Incoherent, he gave the main
details of his adventure between
alps  of  steaming  broth.
"I just didn't hear the beU," ho
said. "I was digging into this work
(ho patted the mass of notes on
the SyUoglsms and Anachronisms
in Oriental Literature on his lap)
and I got interested. It wasn't
bad down there," he added, wistfully, "but it was lonesome sometimes. Is it time for my 930 yet?"
"I intend t return for my degree,"  he  stated.
Enquiries at the Office of the
Registrar revealed that Moorhouse
was listed as a brilliant student.
A welcoming ceremony wiU be ar
ranged  for hia return.
Pending Moorhouse's recovery,
the details of the manner ln which
he secured food remain unknown.
It is believed that he sustained on
left-overs from lunches left ln
carrel*.
Parliamentary
Forum Split
Upset
by recent development*.
Wanted
on th* telephone.
rometheUS, man's benefactor, brought down fire
To Ught a pipe of Picobac, his heart's desire.
• What Is even Plcobac without a light? Truly
it has a delicious aroma! But you must smoke it
to realize how good it tastes, how mild and cool
and sweet. Buy some today and you will bless
both Prometheus and the sunny Southern
Ontario fields for perfect enjoyment in the pick
of Canada's Burley crop.
HANDY SIAL-nOHT POUCH     -    19*
)_-LB. "LOK-TOP" TIN    -   65*
_^^^_ also packed in Pocket Tina
Plcobac
m
"It DOES taste good in a pipe I
Students Warned That
Time Is Ripe For Party Aid
A BLUE-EYES BERTON FEATURE
e    It  was  reliably  reported  Wednesday  that  Now  is  the
Time for all good men to come to the aid of the party.
DR. KAYE LAMB
carrell sweetly  carrell.
Dr. Lamb Is Sheepish ♦ .
Announces Tandem Carrells
By BURMA SHAVE
0    Sweeping changes in the present set-up at the University
Library were revealed today by Dr. W. Kaye Lamb in
a signed statement to the Ubyssey.
Dr.  Lamb revealed  that tha  en- ____________________________________
tire rear wall of the library wus
being torn out to allow for tho
installation of double-seater cm---
rella.
The action was th-a result of a
petition signed by well over 100
honour students who shouted "Lebensraum" and demanded facilities
which would permit them to crowd
their girl-friends into their carrell.
"This will necessitate a seven
year course at the University," Dr.
Lamb said sheepishly as he probed
the stacks  with   his   flashlight.
MeanwhUe Tobias H. Rumple
was severely penalized for attempting to bring his aged mother with
him  to  his  carrell.
"Are   you   a  man   or   a   minis-,
Dr.   Lamb   demanded  sternly.
"My presence at Univor-iity today would never have been possible without the co-operation of
my  mother,"   Rumple assorted.
Something in the boy's honest
eye appealed to kindly old Dr.
Lamb. So he threw a dictionary
at him.
Shrdlu
Etaoin
NO LONGER 	
• No longer will students who
run out of ink ln if plans now
under consideration mature. The
Library have to beg it from unwilling wrlends. Members of the
ink trough be placed ln a prominent place in the Library. Red
Cross have received suggestions
that a container for Red Cross
nickels would be placed next to
Dr. Lamb, who is not expected to
co-operate. The trough but the organizers have not yet apporached.
The plan will not affect Science-
men who seldom visit the Library.
Instead, in order to get the Engineers' contributions, putting a beer
trough In the Drafting 2 room.
Sponsors plan to place. They have
not yet approached Dean but he
Is expected to co-operate with the
new plan. Finlayson about the
scheme, In order to get his views.
In addition the enthusiasts Intend
to fill a trough for Aggies. Water
for horses that might be brought
in  by
Dear WlUie McCarter, who thlnka
he arter,
Advertises for hire,
When    with    sumbuddy's    darter,
you  twiddle a garter
(Hold  a  dance,  chumps)
His   special   Pub.—Address   wire—
System—      Rates disgustingly low.
ALma   0646L.
Have your thesis or essay swiped by a competent stenographer,
and save that time for reviews.
Phone ALma  1293L, after six.
Thl* extraordinary piece of information was accidentally uncovered by a Ubyssey reporter
who was writing a feature apologizing for a previous feature on
spring.
The reporter attempted to evade
th-e piece of news when he saw it
coming, but it was too late. It
crept up on him and he was stuck
with  lt.
Although official confirmation
has not as yet been given, the evidence is fairly weU substantiated
that NOW i* the time for all good
men to come to the aid of the
party.
No details as to when the party
would be held have been released,
but lt is expected ot be sometime
in th_ near future, More detaUed
information will be announced in
an early edition of the Ubyssey.
Officials emphasize that all
MEN must come to the aid of the
party as soon as possible or It will
not be a success.
Council Comment
Asked to comment on the amazing news, H. David Lumsden,
council member, spoke as follows:
"I really don't wish to say anything about lt. It tnay possibly
b* m oood thing, and then it may
possibly be not such a good thing.
But don't quota me right now as
the subject is a touchy one and wo
don't want to get the Board of
Governors   mad."
Lester Sugarman's comment was
tcrje  ond  to  the  point.
"I think It's utter, ungrateful
foolishness,'   he   declared.
GOON
An Aggie, named G. P. L. Parish,
In  tones  that  are  utterly  garish—
Boasts   unheralded   powers
In  arrangements of flowers
In   designs   that   might   be   termed
rarlah.
If you love flowers at home
Leave your name and your phone.
—-In tho Aggie Letter Rack,
addressed    to   Parish.
President Klinck was not in, but
his secretary said it was not a matter for him but to go and see the
registrar.
Th-a registrar was not ln, but
his assistant said it was not a matter for him but to go and see the
President.
We Got the Story
A the above Information has not
been pinted in the down town
papers for .sveral days lt is considered  a Scoop for the Ubyssey.
If MlUtary Authorities read this
it 1* nil a joke.
In conclusion all good men are
reminded that now Is the TIME
to come to the aid of the Party.
OUR WISH
FOR YOU
May your knowledge gained st
this Institution take you over
tho road of life a* smoothly a*
a ftOME lubricated car.
REMEMBER   .   .    .
YOU CAN BUY NO
BETTER
Home Oil Distributors
LIMITED
The Independent 100%
B,C. Company
shrdlu
We regret to announce that WE
IN THE PUB DO NOT KNOH
WHEN THE BOOK EXCHANGE
IS OPEN. To quote Pierre Berton.
"As far as -»*e suspect. It's opn
only between three and four a.m.,
and after ten p.m."
(We always did think it was a
racket  anyway.))
etaoin
The greatest debate of the season will take place at noon today
when the Honorable (?) Kenneth
Wardrooper and bobwhite defeat
a spirited — team of law students
in  Aggie 100 Friday noon.
The Resolution will be: Resolved.-
that  female  clothes  are totally   In
"O wad some power the giftie gie us
to see oursels as ithers see us!"
Uniforms
To Your Taste
# Officers' uniforms must be made to the regulations set down
by each branch of the service. However, this still gives you the
opportunity of designating the quality of the tailoring. Discriminating officers of the Navy, Army and Air Force instinctively turn
to Tip Top Tailors for their uniforms. They know that Tip Top
lavishes all its skill, care and knowledge on every uniform it produces. Fine woolens combined with conscientious tailoring is
your guarantee of that essential smartness so desirable In an
officer's uniform. The friendly advice of your nearest Tip Top
store is at your complete service.
Correct raincoat/*
supplied   for    atl
three   services
'AllOB
S
""'" "■»vwh«.;
•#</.
f Officers' Uniforms made at Tip Top conform to
regulations in every last tletail but at Tip Top
j vou haiv the advantage of fine fabric... individual
1 tailoring  in   the best of good taste.
199 HASTINGS ST. WEST 637 GRANVILLE ST.
IN NEW WESTMINSTER —  711   COLUMBIA  STREET
AGENTS:
P. GLRIN —47th Avenue & Fraser St.       A.   N.   AIHASHI—320   Main   Street       J.  McMASTER—Chllllwaek,  B.  C.
A. ELLIfOTT—1B78 Commercial Drive      F.   SALTER—Nalnamo,   B.   C. REX  COX -Mission,  B.  C. Page Four
THE     UBYSSEY-
Friday, March 28th, 1941J
• From  The  Editor's Pen  »  »  »
Hie, Haec, Hoc
Albert Harnatead in his famous literary
treatise "The Irascibility of atharthis" has
remarked on page 247 of the second book
that "Only by a clear understanding of
the motives concerned ln the major events
of the past several decades can we allow
ourselves the pleasure and luxury of obtaining the necessary information requisite
to the abstenance of all conceivable issues
based on a party basis and substantiated by
individuals renowned for their clarity and
perseverence." Harstead's remark is borne
out by the present trend of events not
only in the world at large but also at this
University.
Is lt too much to expect that the status
quo be maintained by a few individuals
noted for their laissez-faire attltde? Was
it not Coquillon who shouted "Morte aux
vaches" that historic day ln Paris? Or
Sextos who muttered "Vae Vietua" as
Pompeii crumbled? In these trying times,
cliches, it is perhaps too much to expect
any great degree of savoir-faire or comme
cela. In the words of the old Chinese proverb ,and we give a free translation: "When
the Eucalyptus tree has withered, It is
time to cut it down."
Where now are the potentialities so
requisite for a detailed examination of the
composite forms of credltabllity whioh are
auch necessary criteria for a co-relation of
existing phenomena? The answer is of
course an obvious one. No right thinking
individual can deny this. The foregoing in-
formaton oan be further substantiated by
a qulok glance at Zollkoff's work on "Evidential Activation." On page 4853, under
sub-section (k) Zollkoff records that, (and
here we preserve the actual words of the
text in order to oonvey the full significance
of the assertion):  "Flonton si esoarpo, ne
lerand the frestralium de wanton misere."
It is useless to deny this assertion. It is
down ln black and white and oan be dearly
ascertained by the reader. In conclusion
we oan only add: Nil Desperendum.
Serious Error
Statistics, developed two or three years
ago revealed the startling fact that 20 out of
every SO students. This amazing faot was
further substantiated by later statistics jua|
released which estimate that 34 out of every
50 students. Statisticians, In 'signed statements to the Ubyssy, predict that whlthin 15
years, it will be 42 out of every 50 students.
This is indeed a sad commendary on
affairs at this University and deserves the
severest censure. It is obvious, that the
way things are going now within the not
too far distant future statistics will reveal
50 out of 50 students. THIS SITUATION
MUST NEVER BE ALLOWER TO OCCUR.
Every conceivable attempt should be made
to stop it.
There Is no use beating about the bush
about this sort of thing. It is far too big
an issue to be treated lightly. Every student must think carefully before a move
is made. Thia is no time for idle bickering,
but for clear, cold calculations. Unless we
are prepared to face facts, then we must
be prepared to aooept defeat. There ls no
other alternative.
Are we jellyfish? Are we going to sit
back complacently and allow ourselves to be
downtrodden. Let the answer be no, no,
no a 1000 times no. We don't want to
make this sound like a Vancouver Sun editorial, but the time has oome for action.
Comrades, we must arise, and stamp out
this thing in our midst. Aw, come on fellows, for gawsh sakes.    Yeh, you too.
The  Piggery . . . byjacke%
Mailbag Scrapings
Q.   DEAR  JABEZ,
Is it true that the C.O.T.C. strikes fear
into the hearts of all who see?
FATHER  OF  TWENTY.
A.   DEAR   PATRIOT,
Of friend and foe atyke. When we
walk by, children pause at play. Needless
to say, most of them never move again,
and have to be carried into the house by
disgruntled parents, to be utilized later as
lawn   decorations   and   gargoyles.
The C.O.T.C. is one of the most mobile
units in Canada. This was demonstrated
on a recent route march when two girls on
bikes rode by the battalion. The Engineers,
in particular, where cited for their determination to reach their objective, ln spite
of heavy  traffic.
It is also a little known fact that the
C.O.T.C. ia the first outfit known to have
combined breeches, duffle-bag, and pup-
tent in one garment. We have manse in
our pants.
Q.   DEAR  JACKASS:   (Ed. note: That's Jabes,
J-a-b-e-z)
Where do they dig up the morons who
scrawl on this good B.C. paper, and what
can be done  about it?
LOVER OF LITERATURE.
A.   DEAR L. of L.,
Legend has it that, every year about this
time, the senior editors of the Ubyssey crawl
away into a dark corner to spawn the next
generation of cub reporters. They cover the
eggs with Stubby bottles and old typewriter
ribbons, and, sure enough, ugly, little
creatures creep out the following autumn,
looking for their first assignments. Since
the average senior editor is capable of laying from three to four million eggs a year,
it is obvious that little can be done about
it. Science is baffled. All -we can do is
step on the cub reporters as fast as they
emerge, and hope for the best.
Q.   DEAR   CUSTOMER,
Either you are returning our suit with
all three (3) pairs of pants AND the tootsie
toy  auto  racer premium by next  Monday,
or we are coming and taking the gold out
of your teeth, THE HARD WAY.
Cordially,
SCHLINK. SCHMINK, SCHRINK and O'REILLY.
Ye Class-E Tailors.
P.S.  Do  we  look like suckers?
P.P.S.   Don't  answer  that  question.
A.   How did  that get  in there?
Q.   DEAR   JABEZ,
Is it true what they say about the
Library stacks, and if so, how soon can I
get down there? You don't know what this
means to me.
JUST A FRESHMAN.
A. DEAR JUST A FRESHMAN,
Nothing ever goes on in the stacks that
I couldn't describe to my dear, old grandmother.
I should add, perhaps, that the old bat
is as deaf as a post, and runs a clip joint on
Kingsway, (Hooligan's Hothouse — "Pretzels Our Specialty".)
Seriously, though, things aren't the same
in the Castle, since King John abdicated.
Before he would even go into the stacks,
John wojuld holler down the stairs:
"Here I come, ready or not"
Thereby allowing plenty of time for
people to put away their woo.
Nowadays, there ls only ten minute
parking behind the oversize books, and the
traffic is truly discouraging. There is nothing quite so irksome as to be hanging out
the line for a babe one second, and the next
to be scooting down the aisle, hooked onto
the prow of a Librarian's truck.
Dr. Lamb is now petitioned to equip
all members of the staff with extra squeaky
shoes, and to instruct them to cough clearly
and distinctly before entering any stack.
Q.   DEAR   JABEZ,
Last month my dog, Pancho, jumped up
and down stiff-legged, rolled his eyes, and
fell over on his back like Katherlne Hepburn. He ls still lying here on the rug, and
we are wondering whether it might be
serious or whether we should humour him a
while longer. He is part Pekinese and part
St. Bernard, and is supposed to be quite
rare.
JAKE.
A.   DEAR   JAKE,
There is just a chance that your dog
may be dead. I suggest that you tiring in
another dog, and see what Pancho does. If
he doesn't do it, then he's dead.
Q.   DEAR   REFUGEE   FROM   A   BUTTERFLY
NET,
(Ed. Note: I can't understand hokv this
reached me so promptly)
Why don't you dry up?
rhetorical  question.
This is-not a
SENSIBTfVE.
It's metre fun
A.   DEAR   SENSITIVE,
I guess I can take a hint,
writing on examination boards,  nayfiow
G'bye, now.
(MEMBER C.U.P.)
IastiAd twio* w**kly by th* Students'   Publication   Board   of   th*
Alma Mater Socl*ty of th* University of British Columbia.
Otfio*i   Brook  HaU.
Phona ALm* MM
Campua Subscription*—|1.50
Mail Sub*crlptlon»-|a.00
Bl
•mc
The*
CHIEF  EDITOR-IN-CHIEF--
•x-offtdo—John ■. Garrett
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF—
in  ab**ntla—Arvid V.  Backman
"CARRYING"  EDITOR-
B*tty  Quick
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF—
Jaok  Margwaon
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF—
Janet Walk**
(EDITOR-IN-CHIEF-
PfrttM     BtVtOtl
IBDITOR-IN-CHIEF—
Edna Wlnram
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF-
Archl* Paton
fruit
lad
pat keatley
LEARN TO FARO
• No Mb stuff ln thl* last column
of tu y*ar.
I don't want to hack out a sad
far*w*U. Thl* wlU juat be a happy
SNUNCHY goombl to all you goons
and frump*. I want you all to
leave thi* University with a song
ln your hearts and FARG on your
Up*.
Now, PIOOLE m* your attention
while I t*U you how you too can
team to farg with SAVOIR-
SWUNK.
R.ach out, if you can, beyond th*
narrow confines of your mother
tongue. Express your pent turmoil
of thought* through the medium of
some other language. You fall
miserably.
How, mumble* th* lnsomlac, can
I vent thl* labyrinth of thought
that ia rot.euu.tlng my brain?
By FAROINGI Start with a
simple one.
BORPI Ihat wa* easy, wasn't lt?
This   tint*   we're   going   to   do   a
harder one.    BBLF your vocabulary until you Ian see it SCUNGLE
at the corners and VALGE along
the edges.
Chew these delicious words,
munch them till your mouth ls
running over with trickles ot
THURDLY thought. CLACK the
GLEEKIT GAWKIE on the carlish
CRABBIT.
Why not organize an inter-mural
FARO-CONTEST?
Explore new avenues of SNOG-
GISH thought. The students on
this campua might get together in
groupa to organize HORGLE-
FROLICS.
I'd like to see every man ln the
Players' Club increasing his
PRITCH-girth, the Agglea collect
ing STRITCHBS, and Student
CouncU raising GIANT VUNCHES!
You'll find it's not only difficult
to concoct a first-rate farg word,
it's downright DWARPISHI
I think really lt all goes back,
to Beowulg whose epic I was rereading the other day. I still thrill
when I read about him setting
off In the atheling barge; and then
there's Siegfried with his Volsungs
and Nlblungs and his title of
FAFNIR'S-BANE.
Und kommen sie in mein VOLK-
S C H M U STURMINGGEMASS-
CHENFUNKTE? ach, der gut
FARMEISTER!
It Is a magnificent tradition of
solid farging that has come down
through the Anglo-Saxons and
Vikings as part of our English
heritage. Tdo my mind it reaches
a high point today ln the name of
Lord GORT
A final definition: Farging is the
adroit and CRISPINCT juxtaposition of OREEP-Uke tones. Use It
to title your surrealist paintings!
And when you take a girl to the
Roof, why not FLENCH her with
liquor, and OORDLE a little snort
of Scotch yourself?
And a warning: Never call a
personal friend a SNARD or a
dirty SLUNT. Every FARGAD-
DICT ahould have a copy of the
authorized STUNCH, which I will
mall on request in a PLAIN
SEALED GORF.
Lastly, If ordinary words Uke
FROG and BUGE aeem odd to you,
it's time to call someone from the
Psychology  Department.
So goes another academic year,
and now ln true farg fashion, good
hunting and HORNSKI
GOON
Invest your bux in my three-
piece tux, studs, shirt, collar and
tie; (15>_). If you're near 38, I
think you will rate to do bualn*-*
with   poor   little   I.
D. BAIN,
ALma  OMVR.
• It'* graduation week soon . . .
and   what   would   be   a   nicer
gift to suggest to your parents
for you than a beautiful silver fox
fur jaoket from the New York Fur
Company, 797 West Georgia . . .
luxurious and elegant, but at a
jJrlce to suit your limited budget
. . . now that it's near the end of
the term, pin plantings galore a-
bound on the campus . . . two Phi
Delts have lost theirs . . . one, a
tall, tawny haired giant, to a tall
black haired Alpha Gam, and the
other, a smooth, dark Phi Delt, to
a cute, brownette sophomore . . .
we wonder if the other contestants
are in the running . . . on* ot
the biggest surprise* to everyone
in recent weeks is th* popular
Phi Kap who w*nt to practically
every sorority formal, co-ed dance
nurses' baU, normal school dances,
there was, and has finally given
hi* pin, for th* flrat time, too,
mind you, to Theta from Hawaii
. . . imagine youraelf in an adorable whit* lapln jacket from th*
Now York Fur Company for th*
graduation  baU*.
• "Success    styles    headed    for
styledom"   1*  th*   caption   for
the newest, prettiest, most versatile
spring frocks in th* slty, at Plant*,
564 Granville Street . . . one Uttle
red-headed mus so* mis* arriving
home from a party one night with
the new president of the mus soc
. . . was asked by hor father the
next morning ... I can't understand why lt takes her ao long to
aay good-night . . . maybe someone
could tell him . . . Plant's have
dozen* of gift suggestions for graduation . . . accessories make particularly acceptable gift* for your
graduating friend . . . and there'a
no more thrilling occasion for a
gift than that "Day of day*" and
daze . . . one beautiful Stephen*
college miss over in Victoria, out
with a brash freshman in the
Newman Club, said, turning to her
companion in the back seat . . .
"this guy sure knows his braille"
. . . and we alwaya thought that
the Americans were up on such
things . . . the president of the
frosh class was pretty well smitten, along with the rest of his
gang,   all   helping   along   Canada's
war effort, or something by aU
sending air mail letters the next
day.
• For those graduation day corsages, order your* from
Ritchie's, 840 GranvlU* Street . . . ,
the extra apecial car* taken with
the arranging 1* Just what you
want for that special graduation
day . . . not very far off . . . and
the graduation baU of coura* . . .
have you heard that th* lovlrtH
couple ... a taU, wavy haired
dark Scienceman, and • fr**h*tt*
with soulful eyes, a rod plaid coat
and a dark cloud of hair . . .
have broken up . . . imagin* aueh
devotion being no mor* . . , alno*
this is juat about tlm* for th*
tall curly haired Phi Delt to go
in again, we've been trying hard
to find aome dope on him, but hla
secret of Victoria haa been w*U
kept by hla friend* and fallow
conspirator* of th* hotel room . . .
fun, eh . . . Ritchie's coraag** ar*
famous for their d*Ucat* originality, that you'U notlo* anywh*r*,
and th* price wlU l**v« you
enough to pay your grad f***,
too . . . the retiring **cr*t*ry of
the A.M.S. haa admitted that ah*
has given back her FJ1 pin, and
is smitten with th* oharms of •
cute gentleman in Brook HaU, who
wears a blue suit with gold buttons . . . that's what happens whon
we moved the A.M.S. office ov*r
to Brock HaU.
•   ,
V&0ML
sn*\
Infernal
Triangle
Here again wv* have one of thos*
godam stupid tiangles that seem
to  have  a fatal attraction for
2651    stupid   undergraduate*.
This one is not, sexy, dirty,
or   even   ambiguous;   yet
hundreds   of   repressed
and     nasty      Ickles
will read it right
to the
End.
FAMOUS FOR TASTE
AND MILDNESS
ouckinoham
t     I     (,    A    H    I      I      I     i      ',       ^ Friday, March 28th, 1941
THE      UBYSSEY
Page Five
YoU FisGeR THiS OuT    - - We CaN't
i 1; _ % %* &
GYM
MBAs. Aitlt
Scene of Thunderbird Victories.
1 .§*§1*-
£ 2 S5 si I
s1l _•
tl
4 .a
•-t_}_ 3f3B4t punoa-nv
1,^
"-U1S
aaiNwaoj qaNon
EVAN DAVIES
. . . M.A.A. elect.
Queen's Wire
For Corsages
• Kingston, Ont. (C.U.P.) — That
the C.U.P. grapevine exert*
Corsages from Toronto florists
helped boost the war effort at the
annual Queen's University Arts
tremendous power, is shown by
.the  following story.
seeded to take the single crown,
the double* partnered with Jean
Morris and the mixed double* with
Dave WaddeU.
•   •   •   •
(Continued from page 6)
ago I gave two cent* to the Red
Cross." ■
Gabriel:   "That 1* correct.    It is
in the books."
St. Peter:   "What else?"
Answer:    "That   Is  about   all   I
can  think   of  at  the  moment."
St.   Peter   (to   Gabriel):    "What
do you say,  Gabriel?"
Gabriel:  "Oh, give him back his
nickel and tell him to go to hell."
STADIUM . . . Basic Battlefield.
sfessy uexouj
}9»1U03 OAf
9»9*tUJ_  9jdt*iJ_
OVER  SEVENTY-FIVE ...	
were to be had at a cheaper rate
from Toronto merchants than from
their Kingston conterporaries:
The sale of the corsages netted
225 dollars, which will go toward
the   1400 dollar ambulance  object-
H. Jessie How*
B.A.
PUBLIC  STENOGRAPHER
4451 West 10th Avenue
Essay* and These* Typed
OET VALUE   IM
LOOSELEAF SUPPLIES
FOUNTAIN PENS
ZIPPER PORTFOLIOS
SLIDE RULES
SCALES
PROTRACTORS
T-SQUARES
Etc.
THE
CLARKE & STUART
CO. LIMITED
Station*!, and Printer*
550 SEYMOUR STREET
VANCOUVER, B.C.
DINE
AND DANCE
AT
HOTEL VANCOUVER
CHALLENGER
WATCH
t"2S<u_v-I00.ia
utumd
:
V Al II 1  S
It   11   < It \ I I I  -_(,l
<  <»rvi i*/\ hi*   	
The Handicap events wiU provide
some of the top play of the tournament. So far there Is a lack of
entries in the Women'a and mixed
handicap event* so these sections
will be held open UU next Monday.
All club members should get
their names down now on entry
sheets posted at the foot of th* Caf
stairs.
All competitors In the tournament must be out next Monday.
• The Greek* were at It again
Wedneaday night.
Eleven fraternities turned out to
compete ln the annual Inter-Fraternity basketball tournament, held
Wednesday   night   at   7:30   in   the
• •    •    •
That's a nice dress you almost
have on!
*   *   *   *
She has a figure Uke an hourglass and she certainly makes
every minute count.
• *   •   •
She has alot of freight on her
train of thought.
RUTH WILSON
. .  Rolls her own.
PAT FLYNN
The  Workhorse.
" ... __. ___ **.***_ __ *._•.■ an.        •■.■     u__w     . _■ -*>«*
• NCOKPOMATtO    »*••   MAY   l**»0
SPRING / / /
Springtime In Vancouver has a very special
charm,
Not quite like a village, and not quite like a
farm.
In place of roads and pastures ankle deep In
mud
Vancouver teams with Easter hats and blossoms all in bud!
Robins   and   golden  daffodils   reappear   upon
the scene,
In Stanley park the grass grows velvety and
green.
Easter in Vancouver is something awfully nice
With smart BAY clothes at a low, convenient
price!
At the  BAY you'll find bikes  and clubs and
bats,
And   Easter   coats   and   shoes   and   gloves   and
suits and hats.
You   owe   it   to   Vancouver,   friends,   to   dress
with taste and dash,
And  in  BAY  clothes  you   will  create a   great
big Easter Splash!
The BAY wishes you all success In your examinations . . . and afterwards pleasant summer holidays. And remember It Is at the
BAY where Vancouver's Fashions First begin. Canadian   Cage   Playoffs   At   Nanaim
The Tip-Off Which Started Final Cage Game
•   Varsity's thrilling 31-27  win  over Victoria Dominoes at Victoria last
Friday   night   gained   them   the   B.C.   Senior   "A"   Men's   Basketball
championship.
The five men ln the above picture, who played the whole game, were
sparked by the brilliant play of Irish Pat Flynn and little Joe Ryan.
The  game was  cloae  throughout,  Varsity  managing  to  keep  a  slim
lead of one and two points until the final bell when Lefty Barton  sank
two  free  shots  to  put  them   fourpolnts   up   and   bring he   championship
—Bf «M*a_H Matt M-ttMraphM.
back to the University for the flrst time In five year*.
No since the days of the 'Gold Dust' twins, Art Wllloughby and Jimmy
Bardsley, has Maury Van Vllet turned out such a wonderful team. With
thc Canadian championships coming up In April, fans can look forward
to many exciting games.
From left to right in the above picture they are: Chuck Chapman, Jim
Scott, Busher Jackson, Lfty Barton, referee George Siborne, Art Chapman,
Pat  Flynn,  Victoria  referee Mac Murchle,  Norm  Baker,  Brud  Matheson,
Ritchie Nlcol and Joe Ryan.
*   m   m   m
Critics   Scorn   Downtown   Scribe
By  JACK  MATH1ESON
• Having reached the final page
of this magnificent sheaf, dear
reader, you must no doubt have
come to the conclusion that this a
'Goon' issue. And ln mentioning
'Goons', we would like to refer
you to a certain sports scribbler
from down-town way, a Liverpool
lad With a sneering, succulent sarcasm.
This misled manuscript mauler
had a great deal to say about the
recent Army boxing tournament,
none of which Is very complimentary to anyone, and little ot which
contains the truth. It appears that
the afore-mentioned scribe became
rather huffy when Maury Van
Vliet protested the fact that one of
the C.O.T.C. boxers, Tommy Syme,
waa thrown in the ring with a pro-
l'essional flghtor, without either Mr.
Van Vliet's or Syme's knowledge.
And yet everyone concerned, except the Army officials In charge
oi: the event and the C.O.T.C,
knew that this pug had entered a
Vancouver ring less than a month
previous to the Army tournament
oc a professional scrapper. The
press knew it and the promoter
knew it. They knew this and yet
concealed   lt.
This columnist carefully explains
that a boxer Is not considered professional by Army standards unless
ho ls actually making his Uving
by fighting. This ls not so! The
regulationc of the tournament read,
and wc quote: "Men who have
fought professlonaUy cannot take
part in this tournament. Permission   to  arrange  Exhibitions   with
Professionals was  not  granted."
The Army officials have realized
the danger of pitting an Inexperienced amateur against a pro
leather pusher, and have laid
dewn their rules accordingly. Ser-
iou.". injury might have resulted to
a green scrapper but luckily Syme
has had enough experience to take
care of himself.
No doubt this writer was not In
full possession of the facts when
he turn-ed out this blatant breeze,
but we think that when a news-
paperman attempts to run down
a person respected in sporting
circles as much as the Athletic
Director of this University is, he
should at least give greater consideration to the truth cf his statements before putting them Into
print.
Varsity Will
Protest Pro-
Rec Victory
C Charlie Hitchins, Varsity's soccer coach, is mighty riled these
dayj, and ustly ao. His pride and
oy, the Blue and Gold senior
sciuad, were beaten with the heavy
end of the club In last Wednesdays semi-final game of the Spalding Cup tie, when the opposing
Pro-Rec aggregation used five
players who have been displaying
their wares in the Saturday soccer
league,
Tho Varsity team lost the game
by a score of 4 to 3 and deserved
a victory on the afternoon's play.
This game will possibly be protested, according to Ben Herd, flashy
left wing of the squad. In an exclusive interview last night, Herd
revealed   that   the   University   out-
•    •    •    •
A - certain individual was ends avo: ing to get into heaven. At
the pearly gates St. Peter and
Gabriel stopped him. The conversation   went  like  this:
St. Peter: "What did you ever
do to c'.-esei-ve admission to hea"
en?"
Answer: "Only last week I gave
1hrce   cents   to   a   blind   man."
Gabriel: "That Is correct. It !<■
in   the-   books."
St. Peter: "What else have you
got   to  your   credit?"
An wer: "Well, about a month
(Continued on Page S)
fit turned in their best game of
the season and, despite the
presence of the intruding players,
Varsity were still the best team
on  the  field.
Frith Captures
Light<w't Title
• One C.O.T.C. boxer was titled
in the| recent Armj* boxing
tournament, as Austin Frith battled his way to the crown in the
lightweight division, defeating an
Army scrapper ln the finals. Frith
was the only Varsity fighter to
win a title although three Gold
and Blue battlers reached the
finals.
Tommy Syme lost a tough decision in the bantamweight class,
being deefated by Stoker Madden,
a navy scrapper of shady repute.
The referee called Syme for
punching in the clinches, although
Madden was holding throughout
thc tussle. Syme lost the decision
on this caU, yet he won the first
two rounds easily. Doug Jackson
took the short end ot a close decision  in the flyweight division.
Army Camp Take!
Final To Island
%    "The Canadian basketball finals are not going
to be held on the campus.
Thus stated Pat Flynn,
outstanding pivot man for
the Thunderbird cage team,
as he sat in the caf yesterday.
"Because of the military
training," the truthful Flynn
stated, "the playoffs for the
Canadian championship will
be moved to the site of the
University military camp, at
Nanaimo.'
Real facts on the announcement
by th-a Irishman were later given
by tho Canadian Basketball Association representative on the
campus, Stew McMorran, able redheaded   business   managar   of   the
team said.
"All that car. be done has been
done about moving the series ta
the Island. Personally I'd like to
go back to Victoria."
Details about the change have
not as yet been Issued but word
from tlie east is expected any moment.
Most of the team are in the age
draft class and will havo to attend
the camp. Another point that i*
bothering many is the number of
hours that some of the team have
to make up. Thirty hours and upwards Is a lot of time doing fatigue
duty,
In case anyone has road this far
ask the undoubtable Flynn whether this ls true or not.
• Paton's Percolator
UBYSSEY SPORTS OFFICE
March  28,  1041
Dear   Dominoes:
•   Thanks  for   the  wonderful  time  we  had   In  Victoria  last  week-end
at your expense. It was very good of you to let our Thunderbirds
finish their llttlt. Job of taking the Provincial Basketball Championship Friday  night so that  we all  had  more time  to celebrate.
In case you haven't heard, we really did celebrate. You know,
we started right after the final gong by swarming onto the floor (all
78 of us) and staging one' of U.B.C.'s famous snake-parades around the
Willows gym singing "Hall U.B.C." Those cultured Englishmen your
city is noted for reaUy didn't bother us very much, although th*y
tried their darndest to break up our little party. We took care of
them, however, In true Varsity style when they followed u* downtown
by soundly thrashing the ring-leaders in the middle of the corner
at  Fort  and  Douglas Streets.
Then our chain-gang wormed Its hooting way through your main
drags, waking up all the sleeping citizens, until we found cursives
ln front of your magnificent Empress Hotel. And right here, boys,
we want to express our deepest appreciation for your thoughtfulness
in having over 700 gorgeous gals from Stephen College, Missouri, come
to visit your city the same week-end as we did. It was also sweU
of you to have them all stay ln the Empress, because it waa so
handy for us to stand down there on the street looking up at window*
full of beautiful heads ln night attire yelling Varsity cheers and
"Ain't  ya  comin'  out?"  at the  top  of  our  fool  head*.
The southern beauties responded very well, thank you, and although their chaperons didn't let them come down at that late hour,
they rendered us their own coUege songs in return for ours. Oh, yes,
they gave us a great reception — why, one gal even threw a bucket of
water   (?)   on   our   heads   to   wish   us   good-bye.
You have a fine awe. in your Crystal Gardens, Dominoes, and we
made good use of it Saturday. In the morning a bunch of us went
swimming thero and met some of the American lassies at close range.
Those two killers on the cage court didn't do so bad at the pool,
either, Jim Ecott and Sandy Hay grabbing two of the Missouri misses
and   showing   them   the   town.
Saturday night we painted your fair city red — but for further
details you'd better contact some of the fellows who had blind dates
for   the  hop   at   the   Crystal.     We  wouldn't   know  anything   about   that.
Incidentally, this Is our swan song, and next year when Varsity
comes over to lick you Dominoes, Jake McKinlay will be in the
driver's  seat  on  the  Ubyssey  Sport  Page,   the  best  in   the paper.
See  you   at   the   cage  finals   in  Nanaimo,
...ARCHIE   PATON.
Woo Contest
Sponsored By
Sports Staff
• Can you woo a girl or can't
you?
Flushed with the success of the
Chink Contest, the sponsors of the
game came out with the announcement today that a WOO contest of
the hottest degree will aoon start
on the campus.
Conestants for this Woo contest
need only one requirement besides
the entry fee of ten cents.   All en
tries must have a signed list of
ten honest citizens who'll verify
to their wiU power.
The contestants wlU be divided
into two groups, naturally boys on
ono side and girls on the other.
Entries may be left at the pub
or with the genial referee of the
contest. Stew McMorran. Last
date for entries will be set at
April 1.
Winners will be judged by their
ability of wooing. Thos* that can
woo the loudest and longest wlU
emerge the winners. So start
practising your wooing now, fellows.
Can you woo a girl or can't you?
*
How To Mako  Tho Most  of  Your  Appearance —
in One  Easy Lesson I
WEAR CLOTHES TAILORED-TO-MEASURE
BY TIP TOP TAILORS 1
Tailored
SO
To Moasuro.
jQf*die-t>-Mannish-Z)ailored Suit* and Coat*, *~>a£lored-to->*44ea**€re,
$29 75
TIP TOP TAILORS
199 HASTINGS ST. WEST 637 GRANVILLE ST.
IN NEW  WESTMINSTER — 711   COLUMBIA  STREET
AGENTS:
A. P. GLEN—47th Avenue Si Fraser St.        F. SALTER—Nanaimo, B. C.
F. A. ELLIOTT—1678 Commercial Drive        J.   McMASTER—Chllllwaek,  B.  C.
A. N.  AIHASHI—320 Main Street REX COX—Mission,  B.  C.
LIMITED
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