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UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Mar 31, 1944

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 SPG REVOLUTION FAILS
GOON..
13 Die In Bloody Battle;
Brock Wrecked As Red
T TTYircQePV Onslaught Beaten Back
£     f       m.   V     fksj      Y     I^J I^J ^g^/      Y BY A STIFF CORRESPONDENT
e^/ 4^/ •   A DRAMATIC ATTEMPT by the Social Problems Club to sieze control of the Alma
VoL XXVI
VANCOUVER, B.C., FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1944
No. 41
Scene Of Uprising
BY A STIFF CORRESPONDENT
A DRAMATIC ATTEMPT by the Social Problems Club to sieze control of the Alma
Mater Society offices in Brock Hall and take over student government was thwarted late
Thursday afternoon after a bloody student battle which raged across the campus and left
a death toll of 13 with more than 60 students severely wounded.
The coup d'etat, which was evidently well-planned, began
 .       30 seconds after 4:30 p.m. with the raising of the red standard
in the Quad. Members of the club peeked out from behind
bushes, and at the cry "Socialism Now!", leaped from cover,
armed with bludgeons and old copies of "Das Kapital".
—Photo by Ihe late Art Jones.
• THIS PICTURE, taken by the Ubyssey's staff photog,
Art Jones, who unfortunately got in the way of a brick
bat, shows the scene of Thursday's revolution by the Social
Problems Club. Taken just before hostilities subsided, it
shows a litter of bodies strewn across the entrance to the
Brock. The flag of the revolutionists had just been captured
by a dying student.
UBC Moves To
Fairview Shacks
• THE UNIVERSITY of British Columbia will be moved
to the Fairview School grounds for the beginning of the
1944-45 semester, it was definitely announced Thursday.
Offcial declaration of the move
will be made at the Cairn Cere- ———-————«——___
mony which commences at 3 p.m.
tomorrow. The Cairn Ceremony
is a traditional yearly dedication
in honor of UBC students of 1922-
23 who began the original march
to move the University away form
the Fairview School grounds to its
present location.
HE CAN HAVE 'EM
"University buildings will be
turned over to Colonel O. M.
Shrum for the establishment of a
military camp," announced Dr.
Klinck.
"There is very little use in having the university located in tho
Point Grey area," he explained.
"Enrollment will decrease radically
next year as selective service will
permit no males of military age to
continue their university studies
whether or not they are exempt
from service."
A second major point In favor
of the moving of the university
was given by members of the
faculty In a prcsstime Interview
here.
The library is sinking Into tho
ground at such a rapid rate that
it will be found advisable to tear
down the remaining structure.
ANOTHER ROUTE MARCH
Tho stones of the building will
bo transported to the Fairview
School grounds where a new library will bt erected. Members of
the COTC will carry the library
stones downtown in a four hour
route march beginning immediately
after the Cairn Ceremony.»
Members of the /Mma Mater Society expressed approvpl of the
action.
"There have been rumours,"
sl.iod Dick Bibb.;, "that the SPC
is planning to sabotage the AMS
(-'"'ice, and that the COTC will
'*;>!-<? over' the Publications Office.
By moving the University down to
''• ■ Fairview Ground we will place
tempta.ion out of their way."
AFTERTHOUGHT
"It will be nice having the University nearer the Georgia," he
added.
President L. S. Klinck will make
an official announcement of the
decision at the Cairn Ceremony at
which all members of the University Service Corps will assemble.
Attendance is compulsory for all
co-eds.
The Ceremony will commence at
3 p.m. when President Klinck will
make a moving address. He will
be presented with the cornerstone
of the Administration Building by
Superintendent of Grounds Lee.
PREUNFABRICATED
At 3:30 the COTC, UNTD and
UATC members will march to the
Library where demolition squads
of Sciencemen will have been employed salvaging building materials
There they will be given rocks
which they will transport to the
Fairview grounds.
GRAD NOTE
• "THE ASSOCIATION offers
full membership privileges to
new graduates together with subscription to the Graduate Chronicle, for the reduced rate of $2.50,
If the graduating classes accept
this offer as a block, obtaining at
least 50% coverage for from one to
three years."
If not obtained ln this manner,
membership is $1.00 per year for
the annual fee, and $2.00 per year
for subscription Io the Chronicle.
The Life Membership fee Is $10.00,
L t the Chronicle fee is payable
every ycar. Of course, the annual
fee ls automatically erased If you
pay $10.00, (infers you feel like
donating $1.00 per year to the Association.
A Typewriter
That Lithped
• IWATH going to wite
a thtory about the new
cditor-inthief and now I
can't. It'th all the fault of
thith damn typewiter. It
lipth. It altho thwearth.
It theth damn right in the
middle of all my thories.
Tho I can't write the damn
thtory.
SEE?
I have never expected thlth
to happen. Although there have
been tlmeth when I haven't let
thlth typwiter know what my
typing finger Ith doing I have
never expected It to fight back,
ft doth. It thwearth and theth
damn.
Engineers
Take Over
BeCe Electric
• BIG BOSS Bill Murrin
of the Beastly Electric
called the executive of EUS
to his office late yesterday
and appointed them board
of directors of his ailing
corporation. He then resigned as president, naming Doc
Morton as his successor.
"Wc are losing money fist over
hand,'' he wept, "last year our
income exceeded our expenditures
1 y a mere $37,462,712,046.97, barely
enough to pay our income tax,
''Then the Brutalities Commission made us supply free coke to
(■'I numbers of the Amalgamated
nuilcsquc House House Janitors
of America."
NASTY COMMERCEMEN
Bill paused to wipe away a tear
and then went on, "And then tho
riost unklndest cut of all, some
commerceman at the University
started counterfeiting bus tickets.
We lost millions. We arc still operating the line at a loss."
With these words the Big Boss
collapsed and was carried away In
a waiting University Bus. Doc
Morton took the chair and the
meeting continued in camera, as it
seems that someone had neglected
to pay the light bill and the power
was therefore cut off.
NEW RULES
After the meeting, the directors
announced the following changes
in the corporation's policy:
1. All university students ride
at a reduced fare,
2. All engineers free.
3. The front end of all streetcars will be licensed.
4. All engineers free.
X. Power will be cut off at 10:80
at the houses of engineers' girl
friends.
8. All engineers free.
Comrade Dunbar was at the head
of the revolutionists, assisted by
Sub-Comrade Lowther.
Taken off guard at first, students
merely stood and watched as the
rebels formed into a column and
headed for the administration to
ask Dr. Klink for permission to
revolt.
NO APPOINTMENT
The rebellion received a minor
set-back in the President's office,
when the president's secretary
cleverly discovered that they did
not'have an appointment.
While the rebels argued with
Miss Johnson, opposition quickly
formed and when the disgruntled
revolutionists emerged, unable to
get past the secretary, several
sciencemen had gathered thinking
it was a class fight.
Hostilities beg n in earnest and
thc revolutionist managed to battle
their way to the Brock, leaving
a trail of bodies, sciencemen, and
slide rules behind.
The height of the battle was in
front of the Brock where council
had gathered a force to defend
the AMS offices and pubsters had
erected grandstands and were selling tickets, peanuts and pop corn.
(A hurried call to the COTC had
been sent earlier, but the corps was
somewhere on a route march.)
OLD MINUTE BOOKS
Councillors fought bravely, with
old minute books (they had plenty
of ammunition)—resorting to trick-
cry only once when they reclined
AMS secretary Helen Welch on a
ledge, attempting to lure the rebels
away.
After shooing away pubsters
from the ledge, they decided to
fight squarely. Don Ross and
Phyllis Bishop were not present.
As the battle progressed more
students took up the fight, and
even a few professors got caught
up in the commotion and had to
take sides or be trampled upon.
Waving an old Economics 4
manual and shouting "It's not
practical in its aggregate ramifications," Prof. Crumb took a deadly
toll, until he got into a deep argument with a Social Creditor.
Cooing excitedly in a corner,
Harry Curran thumbed through
Discipline Committee minutes,
mumbling "They're setting a precedent. They're setting a precedent." He has not been seen since
—also setting a precedent.
FLANK YOU, SIRS
SPC member Josh Long nearly
won the day for the revolutionists
when he lead a determined attack
on Council's left flank, but the
tactic was ruled illegal by Maury
Van, Vliet, who had come over
with a big grin on his face to
referee, saying he hadn't seen such
sport on the campus since '39,
Miss Moore stood on the sidelines crying "Let the girls fight
for awhile, it's only fair." Dean
Finlayson lead the sciencemen,
who went over to the SPC side,
and they spent most of the fight
sighting a better way into the
Brock, uttering blood-thirsty cries
of "Take it over a red one, now
a blonde one."
They got out of the fight, however, when Rod Morris arrived
and told them what they were
righting for and made them stop
shouting "Socialism for president."
The din was so great at one time
that an honor student was awakened in the stacks and became
excited enough to wander sleepily
over and inquire politely if he
could have his liquor coupon, too,
LOFTY STATEMENT
Dean Buchanan joined the fray
at this point, shouting "No, no,
why didn't someone tell me?"
The SPC ranks were finally forced to flee and were last seen in
a taxi heading towards Anglican
College, just as the COTC arrived.
Order was immediately restored
and identification of bodies begun.
An administration official commented on the rebellion for the
Ubyssey as he swung from loft to
loft in the Library, "Nothing for
publication, absolutely nothing; Oh
what will they say downtown,"
he garbled.
Glamour Leaves Pub - J. T. Takes Over
P.S—Thb. Is TRUE.
• ATTEMPTS of the Publications Board to escape
from what appeared to be
the inevitable course of
events proved abortive when
the appointment of JohnTom
(Chickenface) Scott to the
position of Editor-in-Chief
for the year 1944-45 was announced at the Annual Banquet   of   the   organization
Wednesday night.
Reporters and editors of various
degrees of inaccuracy tried vainly
to avert the catastrophe, but tho
indomitable will of the firey Senior Editor was not to be subdued.
Ccott's experience on the Uby-
s?ey and downtown sheets has
been wide. Including blondes,
brunettes and any others who
weren't busy at the time.
Last year, besides acting as associate editor on the paper, he
edited the Grad Issue, and this
year has climbed to the dizzy
1 eights of Senior Editor, carving
his niche alongside those of the
best of the neck-sticker-outers in
the business.
Already his Influence is manifest In the Pub, where white
streamers of the segmented type,
bearing the words "Uncle John
Tom's Cabin," may be seen floating from beam to beam, and coke
bottle to coke bottle.
Other appointments announced
by Scott after the retiring (ha!)
editor Marg (Snakohips) Reld,
Landed over the controls, were as
follows:
Senior Editors, Marion Dundas
and Denis Blunden; News Manager, Cal Whitehead; Totem Editor,
John Green; Assoc. Totem Editor,
Ken Weaver; CUP Editor, Marian
Ball; Sports Editor, Jim Schatz,
Assoc. Sports Editor, Luke Moyls;
Tllllcum Editors, Grahame
Thompson and Bruce Bewell; Directory Editor nnd circulation
Manager, Nancy MacDonald; Associate Editors, Bru™ Bewell,
Graham Thompson, Bill Stewart
and Diana Bampton; Assistant
Editors, Nancy Pitman, Helen
Worth, Harry Cast'Hou, Bob
Christie, Edith Angove. Anna
White  and Ernie Roy.
STOP PRESS
• AMS PRESIDENT Bob Whyte
was finally located early this
morning 20 miles south of Seattle
and told a Seattle Times reporter
that "something must be done; yes,
yes; who won?"
New A* j Old Look Ahead .. Page Two
THE   UBYSSEY
• Friday, March 31, 1944
Camp Features Field Pack>;
Weighted Rifles At Double
•    FULL PACKS, loaded to the limit of forty pounds, which are to be worn at all times
during training, is one of the new regulations to be enforced as part of the toughening-
up program at the COTC camp, it was learned yesterday by the Ubyssey from reliable military authorities. \
This is only one of the many
features of the new order which
has just come through from the
higher-ups in the military world
as part of the general army preparedness campaign.
On top of the new forty pound
pack rule comes the announcement
that conditions will be arranged
much as they are in battle and all
movements will be done at the
double to simulate actual fighting
circumstances.
PET RIFLES
Rifles, pet of the COTC, which
are much lighter than most used
in actual service, will be weighted
down by any means found most
convenient.
So far several plans are under
discussion as to the proper method
but it is quite likely that either
lead weights or rocks will be tied
to the rifle to increase the bearer's
strength.
The question of a proper situation for the camp has been under
fire for some time and while it
was thought that the old officers'
training camp at Gordon Head
would be an ideal situation, when
the new regulations were released
a short time ago, this spot was
thought to be too soft for the men.
CAMP FOXHOLE
So in accordance with general
plans of physical fitness, the COTC
will be stationed in foxholes (provided enough foxes can be found
in that vicinity).
While foxes are quite prevalent
In the northern sector of the island
there was some doubt as to whether their natural habitat spread as
far south as the planned encampment.
But consultation with RSM
Fowle of the Zoology Department,
who wrote his Masters Thesis on
"Foxes I Have Known and Enjoyed", revealed that there is n
large dwelling of them in the woods
two miles north of the camp.
To further accentuate actual
battle conditions, the UATC are
planning a series of raids from
their camps in Alberta to drop a
few bombs and scare hell out of
the COTC.
This movement will explain the
COTC drill in the past week which
has dealt largely with anti-aircraft
protection. The men will be issued
with live rounds and given a
chance to demonstrate the effectiveness of their training.
ESCAPING CADETS
The UNTD will also have a share
in the training as patrols have
been organized to cover the coastline and pick up any escaping
cadets.
Booming business is expected in
this line and several corvettes have
been requisitioned by the UNTD
officers to handle the crowd.
These and many other minor
toughening-up features, such. as
reveille at 5 a.m., instead of 6 a.m.
and living on iron rations for the
whole two weeks, should be enough,
to make everyone apply for leave
from camp immediately. New
leave blanks are now being printed
to take care of the rush.
Shrumsters Plan To Take
Over Pub Next September
•   THE COTC will fall in at dawn tomorrow, in battle order,
in readiness to march on the Publications Board.
This is the answer of UBC's gallant Lt.Col. Shrum to
the action of the Publications Board in appointing J. T. Scott
as Editor-in-Chief for next year.
The   order   was   issued   shortly __^_____^___________
after the news of Scott's appointment was made public yesterday.
The troops will fall in at exactly
6:00, PST, in their usual positions
on the parade ground. H Company
will fall in with the rest of the
battalion.
PUB DEFIANT
When interviewed by a young
cub reporter from Kitsilano Junior
High, who disguised himself as a
certain well known Second Lieutenant,Shrum stated, quote:
"The Ubyssey has defied me by
going ahead and appointing Scott
against my express wishes. Such
insubordination is not to be permitted as it might encourage similar action on the part of other
campus organizations. We will
make an example of the staff of
the Publications Board."
When asked as to what he Intended to do with the disobedient
journalists, Colonel Shrum outlined to the reporter his entire plan
of campaign.
He pointed out that, although the
Pub is in a peculiarly unassailable
position, the COTC has been well
trained in house clearing, having
had a half hour lecture on the subject in 1940, and should be able
to storm the building ln short
order.
NO TROUBLE AT ALL
"It may take us a few days to
gain air superiority over the
Brock," he admitted, "but once
that is obtained we will have no
trouble."
In answer to a question as to
what he would do with the Publications Board when he had gained control, Shrum made the following statement.
"All Senior editors will, of
course, face the firing squad immediately. Those holding junior
positions will be sent to specially
prepared concentration camps in
the wilds of Siberia."
Colonel   Shrum's  plans  for  the
Ubyssey in the future will be outlined   by   his   side-kick,   Captain
Walmsley in Battalion orders.
FASCISM!!!
Quoted in part, the order stated:
1. The Ubyssey will be printed
daily, at a cost of ten dollars per
student per issue. Purchase of at
least one copy each day will be
compulsory.
2. The   Masthead   will   read   as
follows:
Editor-in-chief—Gordon M. Shrum.
Tuesday Editor—S.M. Coles.
Friday Editor—S.M. Ross.
News Manager—Capt. Walmsley.
Sports Editor—Lieut. Van Vliet.
Press Censor—Maj. Riddehough.
Reporters-
Gordon M. Shrum
Gordon M. Shrum
Gordon M. Shrum
Pub Secretary—Gordon M. Shrum,
Col Shrum reserved his most
severe condemnation for members
of the COTC who are also Pubsters.
"They will be put on defaulters
for eternity," he threatened.
GO QUIETLY
Meanwhile Pubsters go quietly
about preparations to meet the attack. Vast stores of coke, donuts,
and copy-paper are being laid In,
in preparation for a long seige.
Doors and windows are thor-
oughly barricaded and work ls proceeding on a secret weapon about
which no information can be
printed, but which is believed to
be a variation of the linotype.
Pub spokesmen are confident that
Ihey will be able to hold out until
the end of March, when the COTC
will be forced to leave the scene
of battle and head for Gordon
Head.
Just in case, however, they have
carefully mined the entrances to
the basement of the Brock, and
have established several new king-
size tank traps large enough to
stop a Mark VI "Tiger" tank, or
a Mark IV Colonel.
• SHIP-SHAPE is the word for
those delicious hamburgers
served in thc nautical atmosphere
of the Ship Shape Inn at 1519
West Broadway. For a tasty snack
between April study periods drop
in for waffles and delicious coffee
. . . what prominent so-and-so did
s.ieh - and - such last Thursday?
Don't ask us, we dunno . . .
dreams of post-war voyages drift
through your mind as you view
the harbours of the seven seas and
sip an Ice-cold coke on a warm
spring afternoon. Slip into Ship-
Shape and moor at the dock for
the  "pause that refreshes."
Shopping
with Mary Ann
• STARTLING GREEN and red
sandals are the order of tho
day on Rae-Son's Mezzanine Floor,
608 Granville Street. With open
heels and toes and the new non-
slip plastic soles, they are really
terrific , . . After a happy one date
romance a Sigma Phoo has given
his pin to a cute small dark home
ec. freshette. She is still a little
dazed about it all ... If you don't
fall for the little green numbers
with anklet strap and low heel,
you'll be sure to love the patent
anklet strap sandles, not to mention the hundreds of other styles.
The standard Mezzanine Floor
price is 17.95, if anybody is curious,
• IN THE PAST seven months
I've been Mary Anning quite
often around the Persian Arts and
Crafts, 507 Granville at Pender,
in order to.lell you abuot the fascinating curios and jewelry contained therein, and it has never
ceased to be like a fairyland of
the Arabian Nights variety . . .
{•tier, a prolonged statistical survey
of women's wage rates In Vancouver, the majority of a well-known
frrtcrnlty are preparing to plant
their pins on Boeing's workers. So
far the campaign has met with
some initial successes . . . there
is a sort of feeling In this mystic
shop which makes- you think you
are separated from the rest of the
world and you are overpowered
by the influence of Asia, the Orient, Mongolia, and the ancient
Bohemian cities of Europe, Such
awaits your pleasure any time
you find it convenient to visit tho
Persian Arts and Crafts, 507 Granville, opposite the Bank of Montreal.
• IN WISHING YOU the best
for tiie summer season Lydia
Margaret Lawrence, 315 Arts and
Crafts building on 576 Seymour,
also suggests that the best way to
have a glorious summer is to dress
for it. Miss Lawrence has some
good ideas on the way to use summer sheers and cottons in exciting
summer styles too . . . the EUS
vice-president has planted his pin
en a tall blonde Home Ec. freshette. All his friends think he's
awfully lucky because everybody
hasn't got a girl-friend that is
learning to cook ... if you visit
Miss Lawrence's studio soon she
will be glad to plan your summer
clot hers with you, and if the
shorts togs she has lined up are
any indication you'll be the belle
of the beach anywhere you go to
play and swim.
• IF YOU ARE thinking about
acquiring a trousseau for the
month of June, delicate and beautiful describes the dimity gowns
it B. M. Clarke's Hosiery Shop,
2517 Granville Street at Broadway.
In shades of tea rose and blue
they are priced at $1.59 and $1.95
. , . a certain professor who is always telling his classes about the
good old-fashioned hay-rides is
leported to be trying out his
theories on a certain Caf waitress.
Well, he should know about
curves . . . streamlined legs should
be encased In B. M. Clarke's
chiffon and semi-service stockings
at 79c and service chiffon at $1.00.
• CLEVER COEDS taking a moment out from studying are
seen at Rae-Son's Clever Floor
trying on the attractive and popular new sport shoe with the flat
heel, perfect for Campus wear . . .
tho dark-haired librarian is now
wearing the Amalgamated Jani-
toi.s of America Union pin of the
genial Proctor of the Brock Hall
. . , Rows and rows of smart patent leather pumps and anklets
are featured on Rae-son's Clever
Floor were smart coeds shop. The
standard price on the Clever Floor
is $5.95
ThteWjAW
MEMBER
INTERNATIONAL
INDOCTRINATION
BUREAU
Issued every once in awhile by the
E"oard of Enlightenment and Propaganda of the Berliner Tagblatt,
through the courtesy of Ian MacKenzie.
Offices—Taj Mahal
Phone Delhi X-Y-405
(Ask for Scherezade)
FOR ADVERTISING
Belkin's Bucolic Bull Pen
Address: Just East of thc Sphinx
Cairo 3213V
CAMPUS SUBSCRIPTIONS-
Believers: 2 rupees
Non-Believers: 3 rupees.
HAREM   HOSTESS-MARGARET
(cmbraceable) REID
Head Eunuchs and Dancing Girls
John Tom Scott (Haren el Rashid)
Virginia Hammit (I'm busy Friday)
Marion Dundas (Heaven can wait)
Chuck Claridge (also busy Friday)
Denis Blunden (my hair just won't
stay down)
Cal Whitehead  (D.N.B. agent)
Art Jones (Shutterbug)
Upper-Cuus Neophytes
Grahame Thompson, Ken Weaver,
Don Ferguson Ken Weaver, Rruce
Bewell, Ken Weaver.
More ot Same
Nancy Macdonald, Diana Bampton,
Marian   Ball, ..John ..Green, ..Bill
Stewart.
'Strength Through Joy' Head
Jim Schatz
Peeping Toms
Nancy Pitman, Helen Worth, Betty
Stacey,  Harry  Castillou,  Audrey
Garrard, Roy Lowther, Donna Mel-
drum, Peggy Wilkinson, Ernie Roy,
We're Just Kidding!
Every story contained in this
issue of your favorite campus
newspaper Is a goon story. Any
resemblance to anything true will
be as coincidental as usual, or
so people say. Those stories which
are true are so marked, and please
believe them. This is merely a
violent release of inhibitions which
have been piling up during the
last few months.
ESCAPES DRAFT
UNIVERSITY BOOK S10RE
Hrs.: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Saturdays 9 a.m. to noon
LOOSE LEAF NOTE BOOKS, EXERCISE BOOKS AND
SCRIBBLERS
AT REDUCED PRICES
Graphic Engineering Paper, Biology  Paper
Loose Leaf Refills, Fountain Pens and Ink
and Drawing Instruments
ALL YOU NEED IS
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ionSationaf
Ross And Bishop]Missing
As*$1500 Disappears
• COINCIDENT with the discovery of an unexplained
deficit in the AMS treasury, suspected to have been incurred within the last week, came the news from official
circles that the retiring treasurer of the Society was seen
purchasing two one-way tickets to Niagara Falls late Tuesday
afternoon.
THE   UBYSSEY
Popular Professor Leaves
Following hard upon the heels
of this discovery, the news broke
that both the cherubic treasurer,
Donald H. McR Ross, and the vivacious WUS president, Miss
Phyllis Bishop, were missing from
their respective homes on Thursday morning.
COINCIDENCE
"Such a coincidence could only
be chance" Said R, Whyte, former member ot Studant Council,
lately appointed to the fcioeKlon of
Proctor ot Brock Hall,
"We hare no aVidenoe tb complement what you already know,
but you may be sure that a committee is working on the matter,
and a petition now W <mt hands
requesting a special meeting of
the AMS to clarify our intentions
will be dealt with accordingly,"
he continued.
Meantime, the parents of the
irJssing woman frantically sought
the help ot the police and other
minor organizations, including
Phrateres, to gain some knowledge
ot her possible whereabouts. Her
absence was noted when her
mother called her for the fourth
time on Thursday morning and
the customary groan In answer
was not forthcoming.
FOUR CALLS
"We did not investigate earlier
because she never grunts before
the fourth call," the distraught
mother reported.
Parents of the suspect treasurer
vigorously protested his Innon-
cence on both counts. "But he's
too young!" they kept repeating
In  answer to all  inquiries.
Railway officials who were contacted could give no definite
proof of their presence on the
train although they did admit that
a couple answering the dlscrlptlon
boarded the 7:45 Goon train from
Vancouver Wednesday night.
GEORGIA AND HOWE
have been attending a banquet at
that time, and Mr. Ross was
thought to be relaxing in his familiar haunts in the vicinity of
Georgia  and  Howe.
Auditors checking the books of
the society feel that an entry under "office overhead," amounting
to ? 1500 is worthy of suspicion and
are pursuing investigation of the
accounts. Authorities expect to
be in a position to make a formal
statement after their semi-annual
check of the society's accounts
sometime next fall.
Abscoonds
The Final
"Willie Jingle"
Thanks to Mac Brockman we
are publishing this Jingle In
our final Issue of Ubyssey
for this season.
The belles are all envious 0/
Tillie,
No one excells the beauty 0/
IMlie,
We love it, that blonde hale
.    on Millie
They covet  that u>ol/-bait,
Phillie.
Yet the envy Is greater
In daughter and mater
For   the   Willards-coat   girl
named Willie.
Men who are looking jor a,
dxlly,
Are all looking WV'ynilly:
'Old  and  young,  vAse  and
silly,
See and say, "I'll bet that's
Willie."
Tillie, Utile, Millie and
Phillie will nil take back
scats when your particular
'Willie" steps out in her
new "man tailored shirt by
Tooke" . . . So please, Mac,
produce your student's puss
when you make your choice
of shirt for her from our
52.00 selection.
WIlUbD/
681 GRANVILLE
With Money
And Bishop
Caf Nite CI
ud Features
Jazz, Hootc
h, Girls
• GIRLS, LIQUOR, and music
will be the features of the new
night-club to be opened in the
cafeteria.
For two weeks there have been
workers diligently preparing the
room for the opennlng. The walls
are to be covered with copies of
the Ubyssey.
The Liquor Control Board will
oct as bartenders and the girls are
to be recruited from the Red Cross
Corpse. Music will be under the
direction of "Tender-Foot" Sage,
and the band made up from members of Agriculture Faculty known
as "The Hog-callers."
Bouncing Is to be ably handled
by the Girls' Big Block Club. The
gambling rooms will be under the
supervision of "Roll - 'em - fast"
Curran.
• PROFESSOR F. G. C. Wood, above, will retire to Jane
Austin's birthplace next week to delve further into the
great novelists love life. "Ah, I was born 50 years too late",
said Prof. Wood, "she was never meant to die a spinster".
In addition, he intends to resume an investigation on the
supposed insanity of William Makepiece Thackery's wife.
This fact, never proven, according to the professor, merits
much further consideration. The Vancouver Dickensian Society is giving a lawn bowling party in his honor.
Poll Reveals Nothing
Of j Importance
• ACCORDING TO a poll taken on the campus last week
to tabulate the results of the Religion and Life Conferences held in January, 78.3943' i   of the students aje now
confirmed atheists.
The students, In justifying their
reasons for their new belief, stated that the recent discussions had
clearly   indicated  the   validity   of	
the arguement that Religion consistently interferes with the full-
opt enjoyment of Life.
All, FRUSTRATION!
They felt that as a result of
trying to combine the two diametrically opposed concepts they were
becoming repressed and frustrated,
a state of affairs which is, as Professor Swerving head of the department of Psychology and Philosophy and chairman of the committee in charge of the Conference   frequently   says,   bad.
They also pointed out that their
decision was supported by thc
propositions advanced by the
speakers at the Conference, Bishop Underwood, Chancellor Chill-
more, Dean Stillborn and Miss
Babe  Rutherford.
The poll also indicated that the
remaining 21.6057% of the students
remained unchanged in their religious convictions. They were divided as follows:
19.4656% — worshippers of the
Great God Thoth.
2.1401%r-members of the Social Problems Club,
Royal Robes
For Curran
• PROMOTION of 2Lt. Harold
A. Curran of the COTC to the
lank of king, efective February
29, 1945, was announced last night
by the Department of Irrational
Offense.
A valuable member of thc COTC
fe r several years, who has ;-*rverl
in almost every rank, K • Ila -Id
will be sadly missed by at"">sf
every cadet and colonel in f'i
corps.
Commenting on his rather .siul-
e.en promotion, he told t'i- TTV,V-
ssey yesterday that "It Is w!'h ■
heavy heart that I leave this cam
pus. Believe me. But thnn we all
have our responsibilities which we
must face."
  Friday, March 31, 1944
Inquiry Research
Experimental Experience
Korps : Ireek
By I. WASH
•   IS SEX necessary?  Does it contribute
to the health of the nation? Could we
get along without it? Is Canada's libido getting out of hand? Is it? Hmmmmmm? Read
IREEK and find out.
This week's article was written to supply answers to the above pertinent questions.
The facts and information were compiled by
a large staff of volunteer student workers
who gave unstintingly of their time that the
students of UBC may be lifted from their
abysmal ignorance and elevated to the
height of true knowledge.
GOOD SHOW
These open-hearted IREEK members
are to be congratulated on their complete
and searching analysis of campus opinion.
Their superior interrogative ability is to be
marvelled at. In short, we are damned good,
and we know it.
The survey revealed that students are
overwhelmingly in favour of sex, and almost
every student questioned admitted belonging
to one of two sexes. Is this not significant?
Isn't it? Hmmmm?
Results among the freshman class were
particularly enlightening. Including three
grade one students who took the examination
by mistake, 103 out of 100 freshmen thought
that sex was the number that comes before
seven.
EXPERIENCE PLUS
Perhaps you are asking, "What the	
does it matter whether students belong to
a sex or not?" Well, our time at university
is short, and it is a unique experience. We
ought to make it as full and as valuable as '
possible. We know only one part of university life if we are concerned exclusively
with our studies.
IREEK claims that is will be no more
possible to prove that students have no time
to participate than to prove that one plus
one equals three. (We hope that no engineers can prove that one and one are three,
because anyone who has gone to the trouble
to prove that will have no time for drinking,
thinking or drinking.)
Please mark the three you consider the
most important in preventing active participation:
(1) Belief that studies are all important
and have no time for anything else.
(2) Activities outside the university.
(3) No interest in sex.
(4) Too little publicity 0 fsex.
(5) Large amount of part-time work.
(6) Name any other reasons.
How many sexes do you belong to?	
vTHIS HIT
Because FLOWERS arc the thing!
It's magic! The weaving of a spell—with wispy
veils . . . with fragile si raws . . . with gay flowers
in a galaxy of .Spring colors! And it's magic what
they'll do for you . . . they'll catch your breath . . .
and they'll catch (he eye of thc innocent bystander
. . . and (lie scene is yours from then on! Start the
mag'.c with your Easter bonnet!
Millinery, Third Floor.
^nfcotftl^fiQ domjifMQ.
m sn mwv tero* Page Four
THE   UBYSSEY
Friday, March 31, 1944
Prof. Pities Pedantics
• VIGOROUS denunciation A
UBC students' lack of courtesy
t< faculty members was expressed by Dr. MD Doddery at a meet-
ting of thc Social Problems Club
la* Friday in Arts 100, the SPC
ond Ubyssey reminded today.
Looking over her audienced of
feminine faces, Dean Daddery deplored the absence of men students. "Male students," she asserted, waving a cake of Lifebquy,
"are by far the worst offenders.
She criticises students who
throw professors off buses on the
way to UBC.   "Such actions," she
insisted, "should be confined to
the bus terminals, as professors
thrown out along the route may
have difficulty in getting to lectures on time/'
Dr. Doddery said that the uver-
t.ge student attitude towards their
professors was too glib. "Students
today do not have even the courtesy to say "thank you" when a-
wakened at the end of a lecture",
she said.
"Spitting and necking in the lecture rooms must stop!" she con-
been able to teach their children
better manners should keep the
brats at home."
5 Hare GUm Displayed,!!
•   OLD  BROKEN  glass freshly
gathered from the city dump
will be on display in the library
display windows this week.
Bits of broken beer bottles,
shaving lotion bottles, baby's bottles, a rare fragment from a Jar
of 1912 vintage vitamin B 1 pills,
will be shown from the collection
of the noted master and curator
of the city dumps, Professor
Kahned Heet, M.S., who has been
studying city dumps over the continent and is at present compiling
a collection from Vancouver's,
which he says far surpasses that
of any other city's In beauty,
quantity, and rareness.
Also displayed will be a sliver
of glass from an extinct bottle
which Prof. Heet says was known
as "Vat 67%" and a fragment of
exquisite glass from a broken
window of store X 2-44.
Watches
Active, Busy Men
and Women
Wear
Challenger
n 12li
\DEPENDABIUTC
6    s-
M
y
j
32.50 to 75.00
Tiie Values
Challenge
Comparison.
Radio Soc.
Asks For
Old Bottles
• OLD BEER bottles, empty
tomato cans, and unused permits
are urgently needed bythe Radio
Society for their Saturday nikht
program.
Written by Eric Ajello, directed
by Al MacMillan, spoken by Norman Campbell, announced by Gordon Carter, and hammed up by
the show needs old articles for
sound effects because the control
room operator went on a bat and
drank all the canned music.
Beer bottles will be used to imitate beer bottles, empty beer cartoons will be used to imitate empty beer cartons and unused permits will be used. Varsity time
will lurch down the mall at all
hours of the night.
Dick]Tracy
In Library \
Display
• "BIG-LITTLE books are to be
put into the university library,"
so said Charles Kaye-Lamb at a
meeting of the "Society for the
Admiration of Varge Girls."
Mr. Lamb explained the reason
for these additions was that the
Basic English professore had made
a particular request for them. Our
librarian said that the knowledge
of what Dick Tracy was doing
important to all etymologist. He
said these bug-hunters needed the
knowledge inored to sleuth out
new species of ants.
EASY
WASHERS
'Roddy Kitowtitt
SERVICE STATION
FOR
F
iilil
.; 1; 4, i; ■ * as   (,1)   the
<.',   IIm'iii   Io your
io Miiir nearest
ii,-,i-ni <!<
UBC's Monkey Girl
—Photo by the late Art Jones.
• THIS PICTURE, TAKEN by the late Art Jones before he
succumbed in Thursday's bloody revolution, shows graphically the startling transition from woman to monkey of Doris
Thompson, fourth year Arts student, which was first brought
to the attention of the amazed world two weeks ago by Dr.
F. N. Sackdrop.
UBC Coed Changes Into
Monkey; Astounds Science
• THE STRANGE case of Doris Thompson, fourth year
Arts student, who is slowly turning into a monkey, continues to baffle the scientific world as the medical profession
gave up all hope today and turned the case over to UBC
psychologists and anthronoloeists.
"lologist, and W. R. L. Ricklebaum
of the Society of Evolutionists,"
said Dr. Sackdrop.
Questioned by the Ubyssey on
fjthe "monkey girl", Dr. Morsh said
Lhe did not have a complete report
;|to make as yet, but that all indications pointed to a suppression
of the super ego below the extrasensory libido.
"This Is not serious," said Dr,
Morsh, "but is likely to develop
into a schizophrenic disruption of
the meglomaniac paranoid tendency and extension of the biological impulses into a complex
psycho-socio symptom, bordering
on psycho - physical parallelism
and the Platonic dualism of the
early 16th century."
"In short," he said, "I would not
be a bit surprised If she was an
ape by morning."
Mr. Ricklebaum would make no
comment when contacted by the
Ubyssey, except to say "very Interesting, very interesting; if only
Charles were here now."
Meanwhile, friends of Miss
Thompson have erected a little
wire cage in the Caf preparing
for any eventuality.
STOP THE DAMN PRESS
• IN AN EXCLUSIVE Interview today, the Ubyssey learned that Professor J. A. Swerving, popular head of the department of Philosophy
and Psychology at UBC, had accepted a commission in the COTC and
was to head the Battle Training Platoon In Its excursion to Vernon this
spring.
Professor Swerving Implied that he had long contemplated a semi-
military career, and that he was looking forward to an enjoyable two
weeks. The Interview closed as the Professor shuffled away quietly
humming "Malrsy Doats".
The "monkey girl", so-ca' led be-1
cause  she  is  gradually   assuming]
the  characteristics  of an  anthropoid,   first   astounded   the   world]
when Dr, F. N. Sackdrop made hia|
semi-annual  report  to the International Association of Anthropometric two  weeks ago and  in-J
eluded  his  amazing  discovery  in
the report.
Since then scientists all over the]
world have flocked to UBC to]
study the case, which it was re-'
ported today, is getting worse byl
the hour. ]
The transition began over a
month ago, Dr. Sackdrop said,
when Miss Thompson started uttering strange chirpings and would
sometimes assume the facial characteristics of thc monkey.
Then she began hopping about
and scratching her hair in a wild
fashion. This led Dr. Sackdrop to
believe something was wrong.
Later, fellow students noticed
something abnormal in the behaviour and urged Dr. Sackdrop
to call in specialists.. After weeks
of extensive work, however, the
doctors have given up all hope.
"We are turning the case over
to Dr. Joseph Morsh, UBC psych-
Roosting Pigeons
Fill AMS Quorum
•   THE AMS meeting began with somebody forgetting to
arrange for a booking, so Council decided to hold it on
the auditorium roof.
P
igeons
Stadium
Grounds
Deteriorate
• THE STADIUM grounds are
deteriorating because of lack
of funds to kep them in really
good condition. These grounds
were built for wear and tear but
it has been found necessary each
year to subsidize a certain amount
of money for top soil. Because of
the war and other reasons this
money has not been forthcoming
and consequently the grounds are
not in the proper shape,
A large money grant will now
be necessary to bring the track up
to its former condition and if thb
k not raised the grounds will become much worse.
Everybody clambered up on the
roof but a quorum was unable to
crowd Into the small space. Bob
Whyte Insisted that the people
hanging by the eaves be Included.
A count of the eaves uncovered
ten Bac. lab assistants gathering
Pigeon droppings, four sciencemen
analysing pigeon droppings, three
artsmen making pigeon droppings,
and 23.7 pigeons.
This constituted a quorum. The
first business on the agenda was
a motion from the floor from
Harold Parrott, stating: "Standards of examinations should be
raised by having the professors
who set the exams pay for every
mark a student makes over 60%."
"This would naturely lead the
professors to set easier exams) and
would encourage the students to
work for better marks," said Mr
Parrott
Roy Lowther objected on the
grounds that the bill would lead to
a nation of student capitalists, and
imposed an amendment to read
that: "Standards of examinations
in any Communistic community
should be raised by having professors pay in kind one cow or
bushel of grain, whichever is most
needed by the student, each according to his wants, each according to his needs, to every student
making over 50% on the professor's  exam."
A lot of other points were raised
peopul but frankly I slept through
the rest of the meeting and except
for an occasional hypnogogic image (see Psych I, nee Irving, page
T'J) 1 can't remember and care
less. The meeting, however, was
scattered when Dean Buchanan
found a bottle of highly scented
"My Sin-and welcome to It" upon
the person of Don Ross.
■I always buy my oxlra meat from a man ot the
back door, I've never oven teen a Mock market P
SWEET CAPORAL CIGARETTES
tTUpssmt/ermMonieft tolas*em he,
t
Have a Coca-Cola «Eto zdorovo
(HOW GRAND!)
:;jiiT>sii coii'miiia KiitorrKic railway co.
m-o-s-m—i_im.—i_-.m--._M
• LETTERS . . .
TO THE EDITOR
The Editor, The Ubyssey,
Dear Madam,
1 dare you to print this letter.
I'i fact I double dare you to print
it. I know damned well that you
won't print it. You wouldn't dare.
I know editors and they are all
alike. What I think about editors
isn't fit to print and you woukln':.
dare print it a'l"""'v.
I write lots of ii " •; 'o editors
telling them what I thia' ibout
them, and I always dare them to
print them, but they don't They
clon'tdare. So I dare you to print
this, in fact I double dare you, but
"i-" won't. You woul'1ri't -Ir.re.
Daringly you*-s,
Peter Llmburger,
...or how to make foreign flyers your friends
To our Russian ami American allies it's good news to see
our fighting planes pouring out of our plants. And it's good
to see our flying friends respond to the everyday Canadian
invitation Hare a "Coke." It says We're with yon. Coca-Cola
is as welcome to those from Moscow or Manhattan as it is in
Edmonton. And in your home, nothing is more welcome than
Coca-Cola from your own refrigerator. Coca-Cola stands for
the pause that refreshes—a global high-sign of friendliness.
i   Co< i-Cola Company of Canada, Lim'tcd, Vancouver
!h\mez
luyli si;^>ir
It's natural for popular names
I to acquire friendly abbrevia-
1 tions. Thai's why you hear
) Coca-Cola called   Coke".
674 Friday, March 31, 1944
THE    UBYSSEY
Fage Five
Blunden Found Exterminated !   Plan New Robot System For AMS Office
North Van. Wants Ferries Back
• MUNICIPALITY of
North Vancouver has
petitioned the Musical Society to return three North
Vancouver Ferries leased
for one week during the production of lolanthe.
"The agreement was for the musical society to rent four ferries
to complete the cast of the operetta. Only one of the craft has
been returned as per contract, and
frankly, we need the rest to transport workers across Burrard inlet," a spokesman for North Vancouver said today in an interview
special to the Ubyssey.
PUT TO PASTURE
Unofficial reports state that the
one ferry returned has had to be
condemned and put to pasture In
Lost Lagoon because of its reluctance to continue the dull run a-
cross tiie inlet, since appearing
in lolanthe.
Prior to its retirement the ferry
was quoted as saying "I see no
reason why I should become a
working ferry after associating
with the Musical Society. Newspaper reports said I was the most
sturdy of the type used." During
the interview the ferry tooted in
a high wavering falsetto and occasionally twirled its twin screws
in delight.
Musical society members said
that they saw no reason why they
should return the ferries. "We
will need them in future productions," they declared.
GHASTLY MURDER
Meanwhile the mussoc executive
prepared to stand trial for thu
ghastly murder of Ubyssey columnist Denis Blunden who first
called the public's attention to tlw
ferries, and who was found suffocated under a huge pile of volumes on Literary Criticism Wednesday evening in the library
stacks.
Main point against the mussoc
is that Blunden was evidently
forced into the stacks, since Miss
Lanning, Librarian, has stated that
she was convinced he would not
be there of his own free will.
Outstanding among the clues
pointing to the mussoc as murderers is a small daguerrotype of
Gilbert and Sullivan, evidently
lost from a 10-pound locket known
to be one of the props for lolanthe,
hM
.X.r.i.-Vrt.-'.V^
•".'i'.'.v. ■(■•:-.. ,r '
<'"1 "r 'ii'.'
Youthful
Blouses
2.95
to
3.95
Blouses for your Easter suit—each one styled with youthful charm and careful
attention to detail. Lacy ruffles, bows and pin-tucked styles, in dainty white
and pastel sheers. Short and long sleeves ... V, round and square necklines.
Sizes 14 to 42 	
$2.95 to $6.95
Coin Dot Blouses
The popular round-necked sports blouse with shirred three-quarter length
sleeve. Buttoned down the back. Blue, rust, green and red dots. Sizes 14 to 20.
$2.95
Blouses, Spencer's,  Fashion  Floor
• INSTALLATION of a radio-
controlled robot office system
to make thc AMS even more
. speedy and efficient than it has
been since the Ross-Whyte reorganization was announced today
by thc little man who wasn't
there.
Students will remember how
much more efficient and quick the
AMS office has been since Ross
and Whyte took over. The latest
improvement will not only tpeed
things up much more and make
them ten times more efficient, but
will reduce the amount of student
work to pushing a button.
FIVE ROBOTS
Five new-style robots have been
ordered from the East and are expected to arrive this summer.
They will take over all duties in
Uie AMS office and one student
v ill be hired to work them.
The student's duties will consist
of arriving at nine in the morning
and pushing the button and then
pushing it again at five ln the
evening. The salary is expected
to run around and around.
If the scheme is successful, and
Ross and Whyte have every reas
on to believe it will be—they
haven't slipped yet—a further development will be considered to
buy nine more robots for council
members,
OPPOSITION
Opposition to this has already
arisen on the grounds that it is
unnecessary expense, but Ross
and Whyte are adamant and eve.
Ross and Whyte, in the interests
cf the male students, met with
Colonel Shrum earlier this week
and proposed a plan to substitute
robots for cadets next year, but
tho Colonel couldn't see the novelty In the scheme.
J.
i
Marine 7112
Sportswear
play in a
*
sr
er
Spells "relaxation" in every detail—fashioned
of soft, comfortable wool and camel-hair—
styled in loose, boxy cut with yoke and belt at
back. Huge patch pockets to store all sorts of
extras when at beach or tramping in the park.
Five buttons close to smart fitting collar at
neckline.
$12.95
We have only a limited number of these
popular sweaters in pullover and coat styles.
Made of soft wools in yellow, white, pink, blue,
red, green and brown. All with long sleeves.
Sizes 14 to 20.
2.95
Southwind
Skirts
Never a season when you don't use a smart,
well-cut skirt. Two styles to choose from, pleats
back and front, or all-round pleating. Zipper
closing at side. Shown in rust, powder blue,
dusty pink, teal, brown, navy and red. Sizes
12 to 40.
3.95
Larger Sizes   4.95
—Sportswear,  Spencer's,  Fashion  Floor
DAVID SPENCER
LIMITED Page Six
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, March 31, 1944
Varsity vs. Combines Again • Off The Collar
Birds Win Protest
Against   Referees
• LLOYD PURDY, president of the British Columbia
Basketball Association informed the Ubyssey last night
that the protest by the Varsity Thunderbirds in their series
agajnst Vancouver Combines has been accepted and that the
Lower Mainland Championships will be replayed starting
tomorrow night at the VAC gym.
The Student protest was against
CHUCK CLARIDGE, SPORTS EDITOR
,the partial and Inefficient refereeing throughout the playoff which
lost the City hoop crown for them.
Mr. Purdy stated that the League
officials were unable to disagree
with the UBC team's opinion.
Consequently, the league has applied for two American referees
to handle both the Lower Mainland Series and the Provincial
Playoff since the two finals must
be replayed. League officials expect the refs to fly up from Seattle
tomorrow morning.
RETURN TONIGHT
Meanwhile, the Vancouver Combines, who were ln Victoria awaiting the third game of the B.C.
Championship against Pat Bay
Gremlins, received word of the
proceedings last night and informed league-officials that they will
return to Vancouver on tonight's
boat.
Maury Van Vliet, coach of the
Thunderbirds, is confident of victory in the rematch. With American referees, the students should
have no trouble since they play
the American style of basketball,
End also since their coach knows
every referee in the State of Washington.
A report from the Pat Bay Gremlins staled that the Flyers would
have protested if Varsity's protest
had not been accepted, because
they too are disappointed in thc
local referees. The coach of the
Pat Bay outfit said that without
the referees, the Combines would
not be able to capture the Senior
B crown.
REVOLUTION IN OFFING
If the league officials had not
accepted the UBC protest, there
also may have been a revolution
in the ranks of the basketball
fans. At both of the B.C. Championship games last week-end, the
* crowd burst forth spasmodically
with loud yells of "We want Varsity", as the old Singermen walked
about the floor, drooling the ball
instead of dribbling it.
In fact, a small minority even
came out with a weak cry of "We
want Lauries". This minority,
however, was simply made up of
the Lauries players and their
wives. Laurie Liddle, the pieman,
was their cheer leader.
Maury Van Vliet has already
made arrangements for the team
to get leave from Army and Air
Force camps, since after taking the
Dominion Title, they intend to
compete in the International
Championships at Madison Square
Gardens starting on May 20.
Gummy Leach Hides
Five year old Janie had listened
thoughtfully for some time to the
only sounds in the room—the
ticking of the clock, the creak of
the rocker, and the clicking of
grandma's knit, ing needles. At
last she asked in her piping voice,
"Why do you knit, Grandma?"
"Oh," replied the bright old
lady, "just for the hell of it."
Fraternity and Sorority
Printing and Engraving
our Specialty
INVITATIONS, 'AT HOME'
LETTERHEADS and
CHRISTMAS CARDS
GEHRKE'S
M6 Seymour St.
Thunderbirds Overjoyed With News
•. HERE IS GORDY SYKES, flashy pivotmin of the UBC Thunderbirds, relating the good
news about Varsity winning their protes'. to fellow Thunderbirdies Sandy Robertson,
Art Stilwell and Ole Bakken. These four hoip stars will feature for Varsity in the replay
of the Lower Mainland Basketball Finals aga'nst Vancouver Combines. The first game of
the series will be at VAC Gym tomorrow night at 9 o'clock.
Four Die In Keep Fit 77
•    A SUSPICIOUS ACCIDENT which took place in Keep Fit 77 Thursday morning claimed
the lives of five persons.  Dead are, five members of the WAD, including Miss Gertrude
Moore, physical education instructress, Lois Reid, president of WAD, Barbara Green, Eileen
McKillop, and Eveline Morton,
Comdi
omdines
Protest
(Special to the Ubyssey)
• VICTORIA, Mar. 31-Van-
couver Combines, theoretical winners of the Lower Mainland hoop crown, declared today that they will play the rematch for the Vancouver Basketball Title against the UBC
Thunderbirds under protest.
When Nate Singer, manager
of the Combines, received word
from league officials that the
series was to be replayed, he
laid "Van Vliet is underhanded-
ly Introducing referees from the
United States whom he knows
will favour his team. The whole
setup is unfair", Singer continued, "wc had to pay to get
partial referees, whereas our
opponents get free partiality."
For this reason, the Vancouver Combines will replay
the whole playoff under protest,
starting tomorrow night at VAC
gym at 9 o'clock. In the preliminary, at 8 o'clock, Joe's
Poolroom Cagers will meet
Swankovky's Lemon Pie-Rates
In the finals of the Juvenile B
league.
The Third Year girls are still
on top of the Intramural league
?tnndings with a nine-point lead
over Mi^ Sophomores. Next come
the Agffits, Nurses, and Frrshetles,
v.' c a;r "-ii'-ped together in close
comp' i'ion for the next three
spots.
Here are the totals to date:
3rd  Yenr Arts 73
2nd v~,r  Ms  64
Agricui ui"
Nursing ....
1st Year Arts
Education 	
Commerce 	
...38
...87
..33
41
...il
4th Year Arts „..H
The tragedy occured when tho
class was performing a difficult
,ind vigourous exercise, known as
the "hippo glide."
Apparently vibrations original ing from the activity of the
women caused the piano in the
gym to fall from its platform,
crashing down on Miss Moore and
the students who happened to
dance within range at that moment. '
MAYBE NOT ACCIDENT
Unofficial reports to the effect
thtt this incident may not have
been an accident are now circulating about the campus.
A member of the unfortunate
gym class. Miss Josephine Blotz
consented to talk to your reporter after being helped down from
the top of a trapeze rope she had
climbed immediately after the accident. Miss Blotz disclosed the
fact that she had seen a certain
large member of the gym class,
\vith a horrible grin on her face,
just behind the piano a few moments prior to the fateful crash.
Another member of the class
volunteered the information that
the suspect had recently been
heard to swear revenge on the
directorate for their rejection of a
request for a women's wrestling
club. Suzle Q. Boondingle, head
of the Wustapo refused to make
r.ny definite statement In the case
but said that a thorough Investigation into the matter ls under.
Little Boy: "Daddy, did you ever
go  to  Sunday  School?"
Old Non-Corn: "Yes.son regularly."
Little Boy: ' bet It doesn't do
me any  good either."
—Western   Ontario   Gazette
"Boy!   Did ya see that beautiful
end run?"
"Oh, I don't think he's so hand-
-nme."
—Lafayette Lyre
Kappa Sigs
Intramural
Champions
• KAPPA SIGMA cinched the
Intramural Championship by
placing third in the Track Meet
which was run off on Thursday
and Friday of last week, and by
entering the finals of the softball
schedule with a sound 9-0 win
over the Betas this week.
In the Intramural Track Meet
last week, the Mu Phis came
through from behind on the second day to win the affair. The
f'nglneers, who were ahead at the
end of the first day, took the second spot without any difficulty,
while the Kappa Sigs placed third.
In the softball, Betas play Gammas In the final round of the
loser's side of the schedule, and
the winner of this contest will
play Kappa Sigs, winners of the
vinners' side, for the Intramural
Softball Title.
• THIS YEAR'S Graduation Issue, presenting a permanent
glimpse of your 1943-44 year at
UBC, will be available free to all
bona fide members of the AMS
who fill out the form printed in
last Friday's edition of the UBYSSEY.
It will Include as many pictures
as it is possible to put in, considering the tight control on film
nnd engraving. Its seventy glossy
pages backed by .i stiff grey cover
will be artistic, yet compact in
its   presentation.
But in spite of shortages on everything, especially student cooperation in getting their pictures
veken, the Grad Issue will come
out. "Maybe in the middle of exams. Maybe in tiie middle of April. Maybe at the end of April.
But it shall come out!" says editor Denis Blunden.
•   SOMETHING SHOULD be done about it. For four years
I have been reading all about it and so far few have seen
fit to do anything about it.
Everytime I have covered a sports event for the Ubyssey
or any other local newspaper I have run across it. Not only
is it one of the most pertinent questions in the sporting world
but it has even started to run into all the other events and
features that happen around this town.
Bu mostly I have noticed it in connection with the
University affairs.
Consultation with the heads of the Physical Education
department has put them clear on the situation and now that
the fact has been brought to the surface, something is going
to be done.
EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW
But I thought that it should be known by all the most
influential people at this University so the matter was taken
to the faculty for discussion.
And now they have come forth with a proposal to help
end this disastrous situation that has engulfed the sporting
world and threatens to engulf every person in Vancouver.
The faculty proposes that every student at the University
should take up arms against this almost fantastic happening
on the campus and help to down the threat.
But nevertheless it still prevails on the campus. Many
people don't recognize the events that lead up to it but they
have been the same every time I have witnessed it.
It just slowly creeps up on the spectators at the games
and then before they realize what has happened it sneaks out
onto the floor or playing field and overtakes the players.
ONLY ONE LUCKY PERSON
Only onec has a player managed to avoid this beastly
happening and that was in the final Soccer game this year
when Jimmimorton evaded the evil.
Commenting on this to Jimmimorton after the game he
said that he had noticed his luck in his final game and attributed it to his final success in the bacteriological world.
"My* new super alpha and theta toxins," he said, "have
reached such a high degree that I have managed to stave
of! the evil."
And therein lies one of the most potent weapons yet
discovered to foil this thing that creeps up on players at
games.
As yet Jimmimorton has been unable to produce enough
of this new material for world-wide distribution but he has
definitely proven that this method is the most efficient yet
discovered.
So finally a superior secret weapon has been discovered
to combat it and when newer methods are discovered for
production, it can be combatted efficiently and thoroughly.
But until this time comes everyone should be on the
lookout to fight against it and prevent serious developments
from spreading everywhere.
There! I've said it.   Good-bye dear readers.
Chambers
Cops Golf
Club Titles
• IN THE final meet of the Golf
Club last Sunday, Ted Chambers again copped top honours,
with John Woodcroft and Bill
O'Brien following close behind in
the next two spots. The Golf Club
has had a very successful season,
holding several outstanding tourneys this year.
Here are the results of last Sunday's championship golf meet:
36-HOLE CHAMPIONSHIP
TOURNAMENT WINNERS:
lst-Ted Chambers  85-81-166
2nd-John Woodcroft    .82—88—170
3rd—Bill O'Brien  88-85-173
36-HOLE NET WINNERS:
1st—Peter Pudney      135
2nd—John Moran  138
3rd-Harry Kabush  , 139
GROSS WINNER 1st ROUND:
John Woodcroft  ..„ 82
GROSS WINNER 2nd Round:
Ches Pederson  77
NET SCORES 1st ROUND:
Woodcroft 66
Pudney    67
Henderson   «. -68
English    , 69
Moran  r 70
Kabush   74
Snyder  , 74
O'Brien   -...76
Watts  - , 77
Chambers  78
Climle   „ 84
NET SCORE 2nd ROUND:
Kabush    65
Moran  , 68
Pudney    68
Pederson  , 71
O'Brien    73
Woodcroft .      73
Chambers     .74
Watts „     '
Snyder  80
Climle   86
All campus golfers are reminded
of the general meeting for the presentation of awards which will take
place in the very near future. Thi
date, time and place will be announced soon on the quad notice
board.
First Mess Attendant: "You
know that soldier who used to be
a famous lecturer? I heard him
talk today."
Second M.A.: "How come?"
First M.A.: "Oh, I spilled some
coffee down his neck and he got
up and said a few words."
—Western   Ontario   Gazette
"I won't offer you a cocktail,
Mr. Brown," said the hostess,
"since you are head of the Temperance League."
"No, I am president of the Anti-
Vice I<eague."
"Oh.   Well,  I knew there was
something I shouldn't offer you."
—Western  Ontario  Gazette
For your
PRINTING
or
ENGRAVING
Stationery Eupplies
Fcntain Pens
Slide Rules
Scales, etc.,
for the present term
SEE
p Clirke&Suiirl
Co. LIMITED
550 Seymour St
Vancouver, B.C.
Phone PArtfiV T:Ml

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