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The Ubyssey Feb 28, 1933

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 .1 .«-»J/-;_t
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Issued Twice Weekly by the Students' Publications Board of The University of British Columbia
VOL. XV.
_s_
VANCOUVER, B, C, TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28,1933
No; 81
Dr. Clark
Discusses
Vancewer Institute Heare of
Marvels  ef  Synthesis  and
Service
With a fJtasantly modulated volet
to assist him, Dr. R. A Clark, F.R.-
F.C, head of the department of
chemlttry, * gaVt an address on
"Chemistry in tho Service of'Man,"
at the mttting of tht Vancouver Institute held In Arts 100 on Saturday
evening.
Tha tpoaker began his discussion
with tht declaration that tht field of
chtmittryfllti "in tiie heavens above,
tht earth beneath, and the waters
under the earth," Ht sketched rap-i
idly tht achievements in thia branch
of Science that have bean accomplished with reference to tht drug,
perfume, and dye industries.
Dr. Clark, whoso knowledge of organic chemistry made hit lecture
graphically Interesting, stressed the
importance of formulae for Uluetra-
tlng tho arrangement of atoms in
matter. In humorous vein, he showed
that care mutt be taken in building
up compounds, or "a melon might
end up In a lemon."
Chemical Clocks
Some amustmtnt was created at
the meeting by what the lecturer
termed his "chemical alarm-clocks."
These "clocks" were largo flasks containing Uquld which waa supposed
to change colour at a certain time,
according to pre-arranged calculations. In the end, however, the chronometers required some coaxing in
order to give the desired affect.
He also drew the attention of his
audience to the fact that artificial
drugs and perfumes have resulted
from research In chemistry, and he
claimed that the synthetic product
is nearly always superior to the natural product.
Good Health It Chemical
"AU growing things are chemical
laboratories, and good health is a
co-ordination of all such 'laboratories'," asserted the lecturer as he attacked his subject from a new angle.
His remarks on the effect of chemicals, for stimulating the growth of
shrubs and vegetables, were Ulus-
trated by slide*. Dr. Clark discussed
the importance of chemistry as regards its use in curing bodily ills,
and he described some aspects of
the advance that Science has made
In the field of the vitamins.
Artificial Hen's Eggs
Recent discoveries In chemistry
provided the conclusion for the
spaeker's address. Quinine, anaesthetics, radium, glass, and anti-toxins
or serums, were listed as examples
of material value derived from synthetic processes. In addition, gasoline from the distillation of coal,
ethyl- alcohol from wood, and Ice
from solid carbon dioxide were noted
as gifts of this particular branch of
Science. Artifical leather, synthetic
hen's eggs, and lacquers were topics
that the genial doctor disposed of in
a humorous manner.
"Synthetic chemistry has never lost
« battle with natural problems,"
quoted Dr. Clark. He admitted that
over-production was obvious In certain chemical Industries today, but
he pointed out that a "moratorium"
In other industries would undoubtedly retard world progress.
"The Bishop" Can
"Take It," Learoi
Prof. Soward
It happened ln History 20.
Somebody had road c report
of Lord Durham which mentioned the "natural English
conceit."
"What do you mean by
that?" queried Prof. Soward.
The girl who road the report wasn't quite sure what
she meant, but thought that
"English people were naturally conceited."
Prof. Soward turned to ttu-
■ dent Oeorge Cockburn and
arid, "I rather expected you to
come   to the defence of the
English* Cockburn."
Snapped back Gaorgtt! *Tve
been here long enough to acquire a natural Canadian
modesty."
lt Is rumoured that Prof.
Soward wiU laavt all historical "gaga" to Dr. Sage in the
future...
"STADIUM MONEY FAIRLY
OF
Detailed Reports Given by Howard and Sinclair, With Recommendations—Two Alternatives*  Says  Committee
Students Urged to Sign Waivers—New Constitution Discussed
But Not Voted On
Dr, Robertson To
Speak On Bible
On Wednesday in Arts 204 at 12:10
the regular open meeting of the
V.C.U. will be addressed by Dr. W.
M. Robertson, minister of the large
Metropolitan Tabernacle. Dr. Robertson is a well known and excellent
preacher of this city. His subject
on Wednesday will be "The Bible—
the Book that Bites." All students
on the campus are cordially welcome
to come and hear this interesting
topic portrayed in the speaker's usual
forceful and eloquent manner.
NOTICE
Arts '33 class fees wUl be collected
on Wednesday and Thursday at noon
at the bottom of the Caf. stairs.
Everybody is asked to pay their fees
as soon as possible. Those who paid
8 dollars in the first term may obtain a rebate of $1.00 by producing
their receipts at this time.
Junior Joust,
Haltod On The
Dot, Jure Many
etmasmmetmssmm
That the Junior Prom held Friday
night hi the Commodore was popular
was indicated by tht chorus of
groans which want up whtn two
dances were cut from tht program in
order to finish the party at twelve.
Although the party was successful
financially and from the point of a
goodly attendance of Junior "draws,"
a ftw sophomore* and frethmtn
dared to inject their unwanted per-
sonagtt, but this fact waa compensated for by the very small number
of "crashes.''
Dancing began at 8 o'clock, and
although the Juniors would have
been welcome tiU one, the be-
gowned overlords of student affairs
decreed that, If there was to be any
more fun, it would of necessity take
place somewhere else. It is feared
that the Mighty Ones enjoyed themselves.
At ten o'clock Ole Olsen and his
boys went on the air, and featured
"Hail, U.B.C." as one of their numbers. EarUer In the evening much
applause had been rendered as they
played a composition of one of the
members of Arts '34, Jack Emerson.
Supper was served cabaret style at
10:30.
Patron* Dr. and Mr*. Shrum enjoyed themselves thoroughly, as did
Patroness Dean Bollert, who chatted
at the executive table with Vice-
president Olive Norgrove, Myrtle
Beatty, Jack Shaneman, and Nathan
Nemetz.
Obsequious
Mystery Now
Cleared Up
The deep and deathly alienee of
the Ubyssey office on Press Day was
broken last week by the voice of an
associate editor asking a question.
"How," he said to the news manager, "do you spell ubyaseyquious?"
"Huh?" said the news manager,
who only knows how to news manage.
"You know—ubysseyqulous. How
do you spell It?'' persisted the assoc.
Deciding that It was not after all
an effort at Mertoning the news manager ransacked her brain and produced the foUowing: "O-b-s-e-q-u-i-
o-u-s."
"Will that do?" she inquired, anxious to please.
"That's fine," said the assoc,
Came the day when the Ubyssey
is delivered Into the hands of Its
readers. A story in it referred to
the topic of a certain speech being
"obsequious." Turmoil arose In the
mind of the news manager and also
of the English Department. What
did it all mean?
Pounced upon, the assoc. said,
"Well, you know what I meant—all-
round sort of thing."
"Uwah! You mean ubiquitous!"
howled the news manager, thinking
that she would better have stuck to
news managing, and wondering how
this could be smoothed over with
the English Department.
A Pub Dictionary has been now
InataUed, for the especial benefit of
associate edlton.
That work accomplished on the stadium project hag yielded
students full value for their money waa the unanimous opinion
reached by the committee investigating stadium expenditures.
This conclusion was adopted by motion of the Alma Mater Society without discussion Monday noon.
The abgence of responsibility on the part of Univeraity
authorities to Council for disbursements was held by the committee to be the reason for the misunderstanding which had
rite, which would be ready for use
by tht fall of 19)4. Jt tht tteond
rtport waa adopted HSOO would bt
taved, and the field might be uwd
by the fall of thi. year, Oeorge Sinclair explained. Should the less expensive plan be adapted, however,
there would be less chance of ensuring a first class field.
Too Much Play
Sinclair made it dear that tbe
stadium rite should only be used for
match-play, not for practice games.
Ht also emphasized that student-;
might expect heavy subsequent expenditure, possibly only one fifth of
the ultimate sum necessary having
been disbursed to date,
' Jftc-uded In tiie'facte presented in
the second Half of the report, was
the declaration lhat if the stadium
is ever to remain in first c!a__ shape
it must receive continuous attention
especially during the  cummer.
Concerning the new fence around
the stadium site, all rumours as to
unsatisfactory fulfilment of tho con-
tinct were exploded ty the Committee's report, and Ihe definite statement was made that every condition
of the contract had been fully
obeyed.
Constitution Discussed
If ^Silence" Is
Golden, Library's
Losing Money Fast!
Preserving the silence the breaking
of which caused all tht trouble, authorities refused to give the Ubyssey
a ttatement concerning the still (noon
Monday) absent Library silence lectern.
Warning had been issued by the
president of A.M.S. that failure to return tho missing column would result in the Library bring closed to
all comers from 9 a.m. Monday until
tho end of the current week. The
Library Is stUl to all intents and
purposes functioning.
. Interviewed, library officials expressed complete ignorance or, enveloped In an air of mystery, advised the anxious reporter to consult
some othtr source of Intelligence.
Said   source   referred   right   back
Pep Meeimg
rem      J . vignfjej i-iwiiU
Today pwrs
Sweet Co-eds
••.fi. ujilU)
Although m\M   Fowler aad
Hand May ObM to llw*
High-pri
arisen
Among tho recommendations of the
Committee were tho foUowing: that
aU student employment on tho stadium site should cease, that a permanent committee should be elected
to take charge of all subsequent disbursement and that the A.M.S. should
retain full control over these disbursement*.
Howard Beads Rtport
As presented by Ronald Howard the
first atctlon of the report contained
a fuU statement of all moneys expended on the rite for labour and
tools but the distribution was only
submitted by auditors without responsibility for their accuracy.
Vouchers, payrolls and rimilar evidence had been produced to back
the auditors' information, however,
Howard declared.
Two Alternatives
The second half of the Committee's
report contained detailed information as to engineering facts. There
are two possibilities in connection
with these facts, either the Lazenby
report of last November rcay be
adopted with minor additions or else
a new series of recommendations
may be accepted.
Tlie Lazenby report would invo've
about $1700 more expenditure on the
U.B.C. Awarded
Aerial Victory
MUt Owen has received correspondence from both the CNRV radio
station and the Edmonton station to
the effect that the Varrity debasing
team was awarded a ten-to-one victory over the Alberta oratorical representative* in the recent radio debates.
Although the bulk of tlie written
comment came from the immediate
vicinity of the two broadcasting
centaes, there were letters from
Washington, Utah, California, Oregon, Texas and several other northern United States.
The letters submitted contained a
diversity of comments and criticisms,
but the majority of them concurred
in awarding the Varrity representatives the decision.
The University of Alberta is holding a radio debate with the University of Saskatchewan over the CNRV
network on Friday, March 3, at 8:45
P.S.T. The question for debate is:
"Resolved that the establishment of
a Central Bank is In the best interests of Canada." Alberta wUl take
the affirmative. They have asked
the U.B.C. debaters to select three
judges in Vancouver to listen In to
the debate and then to communicate
their decision to the radio station
for   immediate  announcement.
A state of anarchy pravalla at pre**
ont, with all much as usual.
f~   INGENUE      )
ARE YOU GOING TO THE CO-ED?
COMING EVENTS
Tuesday—S. C. M. Lecture postponed.
Pep Meeting.
Wednesday—Robert Cromie to
speak In Auditorium, on
"Technology and What Idtt
Ahead."
S. C. M. Lecture, Aggie IM,
3 pm., Dr. P. Chu on "Youth
Movement In China."
FoUowing the adoption of the stadium committee's report, the third
draft of the • new constitution was
discussed by the A.MS.
Just before the meeting brok'3 up,
Reg Price reminded students that
they had mado no decision as to
which plan they would follow, and
appealed to student, to sign the
waivers in order that the first plan
be adopted.
Anglican College
Oratorical Test
C. P. SUva-Wblte won the O. O.
McGeer Cup for the Anglican College Oratorical Contest on Friday
night. His subject, "Music: Some
Problems of Today," was weU received by the large gathering of
friends and was recommended by
the judges for its form and content |
Presenting the judge's decision, Dr.
Sedgewick gave some very helpful
criticism to the speakers stressing the
necessity of familiarity with the subject, order, speaking ability, and
poise.
Mr. John L. Anderson acted as
chairman; Dr. Sedgewick, Ven. F. C.
C. Heathcote and Rev. W. J. Minto
Swan were the judges and Dr. W. H.
Vance presented the Cup.
J_E3I
a_^i_a_Jv,_L_-- >e J •, I,FTT,;,v
BETTY WILSON
Veteran of last year's Spring Play,
Betty Wilson will play the part of
the sweet young thing who marvels
at the ablUty of Hercule Poirot in
the mystry drama "AUbl."
COMBINED SENIOR
EXECUTIVE TO BE
ELECTED FRIDAY
Election of the combined executives of the Senior Classes wUl be
the business scheduled for a '33 meeting to be held in Arts 100 Friday
noon.
The executvle is to consist of
President, Vice-president, Treasurer,
and Valedictorian, and it wiU be
their duty to arrange the post term
functions of the graduation class, including the graduation banquet, convocation ceremonies, and class exercises which will take place In May.
All graduates-to-be are urged to
attend, as nomination wiU be from
the floor of the house, and the business must be got under way before
the final examination rush starts.
RueDela "Pay"
And Bond Street
For Players'Club
Is the Players' Club going to put
on a gripping mystery drama early
next month or are they inaugurating
a policy of spring fashion shows?
Maybe "Alibi" has a hidden meaning
in that direction. According to current report* the women are to be
clothed In garments so stunning that
they send the director Sid Risk and
those on the costumes committee into
a state of suspended animation every
time they look at them, the costumes, not the women, although their
charm quite probably has a lot to
do with it.
As for the men the latest from
Bond Street Is none too good for
them. There have been rumours to
the effect that there might even be
some striped waist-coats in evidence.
If it wasn't public knowledge that
the action of the play is to be sufficiently bloodthirsty to satisfy even
the most thrill-loving freshette we
might suspect the male characters
of trying to join in the fashion
parade.
The scenery will be the most ambitious effort of the club so far. The
main scene Is the living room of a
large country home in England complete with all the traditional atmosphere of an old world setting. The
usual efficient committees are hard
at work seeing that no small detail
that might detract from the effect of
the play ia ommitted. All that is
necessary to assure the complete success of the play now is the Interest
and support of the student body.
» in^obdtwill tar-i.
.      ~    .V1Ui    a:JX»i    tlifii'/Oh    _P_I Toi-t-l
Btltuted by the fairest of the faircS-
eds on. tjbfifgjaipus when the Women's Undergrad (Society wUl present
their veralohieff* mpcr pcpunattftg
today In tri effort ti gtt'tkrir .rilow
co-eB* _te_«td)'<up to tht bidding
pri8t'"'''si;f'/<I/;  ■f'-'unnM
Tie Woman's P^'Me-t will be a
ru^oo^^^mWteamimk
the w presented #ri^^
Rugby; ClUb,: tted fc_att difference
however lying In «io length of the
prog**,'/ _fefost^t rfiow will get
under way at 12:15 and end at 1_:4S.
I^k* f-Wwart ar_i eol-orte wm be
on hartd te injcrtrthf,necessary,pep
'Za&^m^m^ii
tht St-dium frolhi rw6 yoih fggg,
will inmttaiP Ultrt beautiful toe billet •*Cfbl)ai*3jiu-arllln.''iU,     -j.,™
H»WM,yM^
ing v«W popular with student?*-
numbers, one of wMrii WUl W'e\
«upe.4Wtt-ra 4he.t to-tds say will
astoupd \f
BalimiY
an eto^ieB#'*arid.Kli vhuwiovj
Mary Thomsco, who lis In riuvgt
of airangewwt*, hppe*_tp fcawrn-
that tha to^aW*wP£wF'm
ottat^faam!*B«Wwmpara ft£
orably with the kMtt that the Pep
Club-3can-(oS(tak, :f!,,(,...,:,,■ ,.r\i
Official* in , charge of the, dance
point out that, due to a mliunder-
standing a_out one bf the posters
at the foot of the raf *tah\s, some
co-eds are labouring under the delusion that refreshments are to be
dlistributed gratis. This, however,
Is a mistake*/gf, ;«jquples minus the
necessary shekels wUl accordingly be
minus the supper. It is reported
that, strange as lt, may seem, tv>e
refreshment booth tvill ttccept only
real money!     ; ?l  ' ;
ii'H 'i.ii..ii.i  null
R. J. Cromie
To TdlfcQn
Techmpri^
Dean Buchanan wUl totrttducO R.
J. Cromie, editor and publisher, iwho
ha* accepted an invitation rfo apeak
to the students at a combination pep
and technocracy meeting t6_nbr.oW
noon In tht Auditorium. ''   '
Mr. Cromie is a great believer in
Youth as the solver of the present
troubles, and has made many talk*
on the same subject to groups bf
young people throughout the city and'
his talks have always been provocative of much discussion.
Many of his ideas are not orthodox, but all of them have soma merit. Ht is a weU-travelled citizen of
Vancouver, and has been a keen observer of human nature in different
parts of the world .
"Mr. Cromie has always been a
sincere friend of the University and
students will now have an opportunity of hearing Mr. Cromie in an
address which is sure to be interesting," stated NeU Perry, president of
L.S.E.
The meeting will be started with
a few tunes and will end with a pep
talk concerning the big basketball
game on Thursday. The doora open
promptly at 12:00 and the curtain
will go up a few minutes past.
C. Haydn Williams
Now On the Mend
Mr. C. Haydn Williams Is still suffering from the Injuries he euatalned
on the night of the final production
of "Iolanthe." It will be remembered
that, although Mr. Williams was fan
great pain as the result of a fall In
which he Injured hi* back, ho conducted the performance in a particularly able manner . Forced to return to hla home immediately afterward, he haa been confined to his
bed ever since. Latest reports state,
however, that he Is on tiw way te
recovery. Page two
THE UBYSSEY
Tuesday, February 28,1933
(Member C.I.P., P.I.P.A.) t     Ttltphontt Point Qr«r 306
Issued twice weekly by the Student PubUcations Board
of the Alma Mater Socletar of the University ot British
Columbia, Vancouver, B.C.
MaU Subscriptions: $2.00 per year
Campus Subscriptions: 11.00 per year
EDfTOR-IN-CHIEP-F. St John Madeley
SENIOR EDITORS   _, „   .. m
Tuctday: Stuart Keate Fridays Norman Hacking
Sport Editort Day Washington
Newt Manager: France* Lucas
Associate Editor*: Archie Thomp*on and John Coraiah
Aasodat* Sport Edlton' Arnold White, Christie Fletcher
Literary Editors Kay Crosby Feature Editor Guy Palmer
Assistant Editor*: Jack Sttuaton, Zk>e Browne-Clayton,
itmmmm   Boyd Agnew, David Jacobson
Exchange Editor: Nancy Mile*
Free Lancet! E. J. Costain and A. Mayat
Office Awlriant: Janet Hlgginbotham.
BEPORTORIAL STAFF
Oeneralt Mary Cook, Darrel Gomery. /9gnw .^•"•Sr
^_^_m__iM Blanchard, Doric McDiarmid, W. H.
fi5S;JSS?lB__ar WdTTtd Madeley, V vtan Ltxltr,
"'tSrtorwSf SSt BdWn. »«V Hunter.
jimmyMoyos, CoUn MUnt,JPtd .WUklm^, gck
Root, Kay Stewart, Paul KosooUn
TOTEM STAFF
Editor: Pat Kerr
Aaaodate Editors: Virginia Cumming* and Loona Ntlton
iSit-ntsj Ruth Madtlty and Htdley S. Fowler
BUSINESS STAFF
Butlnttt Managori Rtg. Met.
Osculation Manager: J. Bslcombo.
Ckculatlon Assistants', C. Tgpklnson, Alex Wood and
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28,1933
JUST ONE WEEK LATE
Four waeks ago today tjx« studsnt body
•looted a committee of Ave to go "fully into
the stadium question." The students have
heard the result of their GaiganeUean labours
and the wailinga of the infant Gargantua.
There ia not an exact parallel in this cage, however, for Gaiganelle produced gomethlng
worthwhile. The committee have come out
of their confinement with nothing new. They
have merely re-iterated Council's recommendations of a month ago with the exception
that they alao adviaed the expenditure of
1275.00 for manure, lime, etc., which would
probably have been recommended by the engineer in charge in any event.
Now we can assure those who had heard
rumours (we ourselveg never heard any) that
there are no rumourg. Everything is now as
clear as daylight.
The question still remains, however, as to
how the money is to be raised. Caution money
waivers have been authorized and printed. It
only requires two and one-half minutes to walk
up to the Accountant's Office and sign one.
SILENCE PLEASE!
The theft of the silence sign from the main
foyer of the University Library calls to mind
the repeated attempts that have been made
to filch this dignified piece of furniture from
the hall of learning.
Since the matter has been turned over to
the Council for sleuthing, perhaps we should
make no comment on the matter until such
time as definite results are obtainable. The
matter calls to mind, however, the anomolous
situation which has existed on the campus for
the last umpteen years.
We have both a discipline committee and
an honor system; we have policemen yet we are
pledged to the performance of our duty! Despite our honor system we are bound to report
any breaches of the honor system, which we
are all pledged to observe, to members of the
Discipline Committee.
Either the one or the other should be discontinued. We suggest that the Honor System be dropped. Our sojourn in these halls of
learning has so cynicized our outlook that we
have reluctantly come to the conclusion that
the number of students who are capable of
acting according to the precepts of an honor
system is less than one half of one per cent.
RECIPROCITY
Occasional
Observations
By FRANCES LUCAS
For ten years the University has had an ard-
eatt and active friend in the person of Mr. R.
J. Cromie of the Vancouver Sun.
That Mr. Cromie will continue to be a friend
to the University we do not doubt. But we do
state that unless considerable discussion is
created by his talk tomorrow, he will feel that
his time has been wasted, not because he was
badly received, but because the students have
failed to examine his arguments and criticize
them.
In an article in the Sunday Province of a
few weeks ago, it was stated that University
students are too lethargic—not radical enough.
Here is a chance to hear some ideas which are
considered radical by some people, and to discuss them informally.
We knew Spring had not arrived despite
what some optimists sang last week, because
tried the quad drinking fountain.
A COLUMN OF NOTHING IN
PARTICULAR
For some reason I have had a difficult time
finding anything to columnize about this week.
Apes declares that he is laboring under the
same disadvantage. Contributions, which
flowed so freely a few weeks back, are merely
dribbling now. Of course, I do not depend
upon these capricious things; for that matter,
neither does he. Lean days find him and Peter
drooped industriously over the Pub. typewriter
that writes two colors at once—this whimsical
attribute seeming especially to attract Peter.
1 But I depend largely upon campus events
to fill my space, and there has been a dearth of
them this week, or else I afti growing dull without the needle-eyed assistance of little Mr.
O. O., who, alas, went the way of all cuts when
the column took a raise.
Then, too, "Cap Fits," to say nothing of "Cat
Kits," haa deprived me of another avenue of
expression, and my chatty details are no hell
at all compared to the spice and vigor of the
two above-mentioned tacketa.
0-0
TERRORIZED
Moreover, laat time I made what I thought
waa a lively and timely comment upon a book
I had read, the Senior Editor roared at me till
I shuddered my way from the office. The
Senior Editor haa the moat engaging way of
going Berserk as the strain of Press Daya
wears him down, but you never know where
the next coffee cup is going to land.
0-0
SCATTERED OBSERB6
However, there are still certain obscure
signs of living organisms stirring slightly in
their world of torpid reptilian life. For instance, by the time thia is out, an Alma Mater
meeting will actually have come off—after
foiling me and the Assignment Book for three
times running. I presume we now know just
what happened to that eighteen thousand. So
what? 0 — 0
Then, again, this very day a WUS pep meet
has been scheduled. Wonder if the boys will
give the co-eds the support which the latter
loyally accorded to the English Rugby squad
—on Friday, anyway?
0 — 0
The question of who murdered Sir William
Talbot is beginning to agitate the campus, as
the Players' Club proceeds with a serious
routine of rehearsals and preparations for
"Alibi." Most popular remark one can now
make to a thespian—"Sure Alibi a ticket."
0 — 0
I hear that a certain high school paper has
been instructed by the principal to discontinue
its gossip column (which practically constituted the paper), I make no comparisons,
and wouldn't know what it signified anyway.
0-0
Even Sport sports a co-slummist nowadays.
(I can juggle with esses, too.» What with Muck
and all, there's heavy competition in this line.
"Resporter" is good stuff, but I wish he
wouldn't be plural; it confuses me. I mean,
isn't one enough? Or do I mean that he is
unique? Or perhaps I'd better pass it over
altogether.
0-0
The McNoose Flashes are the funniest
things I have seen on the Muck Page for a long
time. And the Brock-Clark imitation of
Groucho and Harpo Marx was a good deal
trickier entertainment than the last professional act we saw at a Pep Meeting, though that
was good.
0-0
And here's a very Occasional Observation.
Ye Berserk Senior Ed. very nearly went that
way when he observed that Luke had "cut"
her colyum at the end of the above paragraph
with the brief note "Carry on with 'Ubyssey-
quitous' story. I've run out of dope." But it
so happens that the Ubysseyquitous story had
already been "set" in the conventional one-
clumn type, and will therefore be useless—and
as Luke has hied away to try and prove to lago
that Crime Does Not Pay, it is up to ye Sen.
Ed. to disprove her statement that there's no
dope floating around. Just let me at this column for a whole day!
0—0
Did you know that: at 10 Mondawning the
Silence Sign had not been returned to thej
Castle . . . and that a certain Frosh went poetic on the subject ... if only Mrs. W's little ]
boy W could see that pome . . .and that Jack J
Emerson's song is no longer wordless . . . and
that Hal King has the tune, but not the words,
and would like to publish "Hail, U. B. C." this
week . . . and that this Pub of ours will show
Mark Council and his Budgeteers just how the
ancient game of hit-the-hoop should be played
at 2 today . . . and that my vote for Broadway's theme song is "Just a Little Street Where
Old Friends Cheat" . . . such is life on the
Great Plight Way . . .
IF THE CAP
FITS	
The fact that spring is Indubitably
present once again was attested to
by no less than four couples counted
starting in to walk to the gate* at
three o'clock day before yesterday. .
• •   •
What Alpha Phi would rather ride
ln the bu* than in her father'* car?
• •   •
What English Rugby star Insists
that tbe throwing out of the council
room of a member of W.U.S. executive waa "just good clean fun?"
• •   •
And then there was the Phi Kap
who dumped the atub* Into the
drawing box for his brother to pull
hun a prise  at a  recent bologna-
feit.
• •   •
What indefatigable Pubstor was
seen writing poetry to his—well, you
know?  And what sport editor caught
him at it?
• •   •
There is a pamphlet going the
rounds of the fraternity tables entitled "The Danger* ot Kitting." It
it in grtat demand at present, but
cdplta can bt obtained, lt ia alleged,
by writing to 746 Crocker atreet, Lot
Angele*.
• •  •
What Pi Kap decided to pay his
class fee* after ht ssw what he got
ln tht latest draw.
• •   •
At least ont Zatt went back to
take a second look at "Model Stated."
• •  •
What Sap waa aten at thrae in the
morning trying to draw gat out of
a milk wagon?
• •  • ,
What ptraonage high up in the
AJM.S .was seen dining with I twttt
co-eds tht other p.m.?
• •  *
__~ •
What Fraternity gave a skyrocket
for Chinatown tht other night?
• •   •
What musical Zttt buy* hot-dog*
(sans moutard), wrapt thtm ln a
paptr bag ,and takoa them to the
Library, placing aforementioned doga
hi the lap of a Diana-like D. O.?
• •  •
What Council member ia alltgod
to have left tht mean* of aupport of
ont ot his nether garment* on tht
floor of tho library the other day?
• •   •
Who was tht Alpha Kap and young
scribe that ao boldly entered a young
lady'* dream tht othtr night and
gavt htr a fright?
• •   •
Who waa the Phi Delt who lost
hit garter in the library and wa*
scared to pick it up because a lady
was standing on it?
• •   •
Who was it that came back from
Seattle with a green silk pair of
pajamas?
Correspondence
Editor, Ubyssey,
Dear Sir:
The letter of Mr. Brand In a late
issue of the Ubyssey defended the
recent art exhibit in a way that
would have convinced anyone who
had not aeen the pictures.
To make my point clear and to
use Mr. Brands'illustration one might
consider four clasaea of pictorial leg*.
(1) the realistic representation of a
particular model, (2) the Ideal human leg built up from the artist's
observations of numerous model*,
(3) Mr. Brand's denatured leg, (4)
the leg displayed by the artists of
the recent exhibition.
Mr. Brand in the first place makes
too much of  (1), which haa never
think, had preatlge In any period
of art. But his main error is in confusing (3) and (4), shutting his eyes
to tht symptons of elephantiasis,
housemaid's knee, or rickets which
make lt rather a bad rendering of
(1) than what he takes it for. As
a specific example of' this log I recall ont picture of tht exhibition, the
one in which a girl, hi tho agonies
of a dislocated right shoulder, has
hooked her toes about the rockers
of her chair. In treating the left
leg, tho artitt hat, I suppost, a right
to and it with a denatured left foot.
But why dots ht end it with an obvious right foot?
In such comments at I am attacking the frltndt of the now movement art doing it poor service. When
we toll ite exponent* that we know
what they are trying to express and
fori that they havt txpratstd it, thty
go on tacking right feet on left ltga,
whtraaa If wt frankly dtclara our
confusion of mind they may at laat
produce a real denatured leg. I shall
be glad to ate one.
MISSOURI AN
Exchange Views
BY NANCY MILES
THEM'S FlOHTtN* WORDS
After month* of research I've discovered what the Toronto University
law suit wo about. And it's hot
news . A student sued "The Varrity"
for libel claiming ho was misquoted.
That's something to ponder on. Tha
Associated Pre** reported with amazement some months ago that a reporter can be libeled. But a student
is a notch or two below a reporter,
and apparently thinks he can be
libeled, too.
Such conceit! But after this, don't
quote me.
TROUBLES
We aren't the only ones with
troubles. The "lame duck" session
of the S.A.A. at the University of
Western Ontario brought to light
qiute a number. Among them wire
the three age-old problem, the crashing problem, the initation problem,
and the parking problem.      v
Anyway, they don't have n stadium problem. *
Class and Club
SPECIAL L.S.E. MEETING
There will be a meeting of the executive officers of all Scientific Clubs
under the L.S.E. in the Council room
Friday, March 3, at 12:10. The purpose of the meeting is to discuss a
proposal regarding the formation of
a Scientific Executive, comprising
delegate* from the varloua Engineering societies, the Physics Club, Chemistry Society, and other Scientific
groups on the campus; thia proposed
executive to have one representative
on the L.S.E. Executive. It is important that the Presidents and other
officers of these club* attend this
meeting.
Editor, Ubyasey,
Dear Sir:
May I take this opportunity on behalf of the English Rugby Club to
thank all those who helped to makt
tht Pep Meeting of Friday the 24th
a success.
In particular wt with to extend
our rinctrast thanks to David Brock
and Ted Clark for their organisation
and untiring effort* in rehearsal.
Yours sincerely,
H. ESSON YOUNG,
Pros. English Rugby Club.
TEN YEARS AGO
(Taken from the file* of the Ubyssey
February  22,  1923)
Canon Hinchcliffe was raising the
ire of the students a* far back as
LETTERS CLUB
Tht Letter* Club will meet on
Tuttday, February 28, (today), at
the home of Mr*. Thorlief Larsen,
1235 Twenty-seventh avenue West.
All memben are isked te attend, as
officers and new members will be
elected.
THE U. B. C. GUIDE CLUB
Tho U.B.C. Guide Club will meet
tonight (Tuesday, February H), at
8 o'clock at tht homo of Miss A.
Turin, ifU Wtat Seventh avenue.
INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
CLUB
Will all the member* please meet
in front of tht Library at noon on
Wtdnttday, March 1. A picture of
the Club will be taken.
BOAT CLUB
WiU all thote who wish to enter
neat on Crew Day, March 4, and
who. have not alrtady handed in
thtir namti, please sign list on Men'*
Athletic Notice Board in tho Quad.
IWMSSDICAL STUDBNTS
T*h*ra will be a meeting of Pre-
Mwdical student* of all years, In Arts
106, on Thursday, noon. Organisation plans, and visits to tho local
hospitals will be considered. Prospective member* of silled profession*
sre invited to attend.
COLOSSAL
This may Inspire the Muck department. It Is taken from a column of the Western Ontario Gazette.
"To those who are conscience-
stricken about the exam results, we
sigh in sympathy and repeat—don't
conscience-stricken before they're
hatched.
VASSAR LAFTAR
Did you ever wonder what the
joke was when a group of girl* join
their sweet voices in raucous laughter? Well, you can tell by the tone,
according to the Xaverlan Weekly's
report on some Vassar girls. It runs
as follows :"Hee hee," trlckishly
gained victory; "Hey hey," pure-
hearted laugh; "Hoo hoo," contempt;
"Ho ho," self-exultation; "Ha ha,"
disgust. There's no comment on the
one you can't spell.
The situations which struck the
Vassar girls funniest were these; one
laughed long and loud at her roommate sitting down hard on a chair,
and "hurting the end of her spine";
another thought It amusing that escorts spend over a million dollars
taking girls to the Yale-Harvard
game; other* laughed to be polite,
and still others "because I felt a
little silly anyway."
It all comes out in a thesis on girls'
laughter by one, Polyxene Kambour-
opoulou, which amusts me.
"The University 1* un-patri-
otic, un-Brltish and pro-American"
was the weighty pronouncement of
the Canon. American text books are
used to corrupt the minds of the
students. The book in question was
Robinson and Beards, "History of
Europe; Our Own Times," used lb
History I. Canon Hinchcliffe refused
to come out to tho University and
discuss the question in person when
asked by the Literary and Scientific
Executive and this annoyed the students considerably**
Tho Arts '20 Relay was due in a
few days and tht sport* editor of '23
prophesied a win tor Science '24.
The U. of Washington made tbe
heart of the exchange editor glad
way back In '23. A questionaire was
given to all the Washington Freshmen and these were some of the
pearl* of knowledge revealed: Mua-
tapha Kernel Pasha Is head of the
Japanese Navy, Oliver Twtat is a
Kind ot Tobacco, Mozart is a brand
of cigars, lago is Japanese rice, Hei-
fltz Is a kind of cow. We wonder
how our own freshmen would show
up with a like questionnaire?—Z. B.-C.
S.C. M.
A short general matting of tht
S.C.M. wiU bt htld In Aud. 812 at
12:10 Friday. Everyone pitas* attend.
HISTORICAL SOCIETY
"Nationalism in India" was examined by tht Historical Society,
Monday, when Miss Patricia Johnson road a paptr on tht topic under
discusrion.
LOST—Friday afternoon, Arte Building—silver ring, with Abaloni Pearl.
WUl finder kindly return to Bookstore.
ENGINEERS   OPEN   HOUSE   DAY,
MARCH 11, 1933, SATURDAY
AFTERNOON AND EVENING
MEET ME AT
For many years this has
been the rendez-vous of a
large majority of the students ot U.B.C.
Why?
Tasty  Dishes, Attractive
Dining Room, Superior
Service
SCOTT'S
722 Granville Street
Overseas Education League
ANNUAL SUMMER TOURS to EUROPE
and CRUISE TO THE ORIENT
For detailed circular apply to
Miss V. Alvarez
70 Sun Life Building
MONTREAL
Miss Rhode Howe
224 Blow St West
TORONTO
Mis* Lilian Watson
411 Power Building
WINNIPEG
University Book Store
Hour*: 0 a.m. to S p.m.; Saturday*, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.
Loose-Leaf Note Books, Exercise Books and Scribblers
at Seduced Prices
Graphic and Engineering Paper, Biology Paper.
Loose-Leaf Refills, Fountain Pens and Ink.
Ink and Drawing Instruments.
Crepe Paper for Masquerades, etc.
ALL YOUR BOOK SUPPLIES SOLD HEBE Tuesday, February 28,1933
THE UBYSSEY
Pubtters
Tackle
Council
Page Three
Tht Outstanding basketball tltlt of
the season is scheduled to take place
at 1 o'clock today, at which time the
Publications Board is to take on tne
Alma Mater Council ln red hot gruel.
Ihe Pubster* have been ln steady
preparation for the second annual
event since last fall and are expected
to reverse the order of last year's
score and chalk up their first win.
Sinjin Madely and Day Washington
are expected to be the big men on
tho team and should be seen In many
nice baskets while Pi Campbell
should look good as substitute. The
newsies are Intending to pull some
fast ontt on the big-shots by putting
a new team in every few minute*.
Those which probably comprise then
teams are: Day Washington, S. Madely, Arnold White, Archie Thompson, Jimmy Moyes, Gerald Prevost,
Art Mayse, Ted Wilkinson, Harry
Jackson, Chris Fletcher, Dick Bison,
Jack Stanton, Dave Jacobson, Howie
Jonas, Colin Milne, Tod Madely, Jimmy Menriee, Boyd Agnew, Reg Price,
Stu Keate and many othen.
Bob Osborne will head tha oppot-
Ing "Sera and will bt Mowed by
Mr, William Whimster, and Messrs.
Rogers, Owen* Perry, and Collins.
Nuff sod!
Hero art tht two hatt that aw hovering in the air Jurt waiting to drop
tntothe ring for Presidential elections.
The main qutttion for you to decide is,
"Which one is too big for Its owner"
or on the other hand, "Which owner 1*
too small for his hat"?
Thousands of words will bo spoken
at election meetingi btfort these two
hats are returned to their rightful
owntrs. Detpite this however, the
Ufcytsty wfustt to print lost advert-
issaMnts for them.
We are equipped to take
the pictures of
FBATERNTTY
AND SORORITY
groups.   Special rates to
University societies
833 Granville St.
Phone Sey. 5737
Engineering Soc.
Hears of Marvels
Of New Survey
"You can't fool tht machine," says
Sir Charles Radcllffe, and ao the new
method of three-dimenatonal aerial
survey which he described to the*
University Engineering Society in
Applied Science 100 on Thursday afternoon Is a* nearly error-proof as a
human invention can be.
Tho map-drttwing machine is a
marvellous device. It takes the
aerial photograph and transfers it to
paper in dotailtd contour* without
the hand of the draught-man having
to do mora than operate lever* and
wheels.
Changing tht focut change* tht
contour*. Focussed at a thousand
feet, the machine drawt only tht
thousand toot contours. At a thousand and five feet it draws tho thousand and five foot contours. And so
on till they are all filled In.
Of course, it take* a skilled man
to operate tiie machine and a -killed
pilot to take the photographs, but
Sir Charles said hf could do now in
two months tiie Anglo-German
Boundary Survty in East Africa,
which In tho century took him two
years with tht old methods.
Tho diff icultitt encountered on that
Jungle survey formed an Interacting
introduction to his topic There was
no wirtlttt thtn, to they had to ust
telephone* to transmit their time
signals and on one occasion found
that four mites of th* line had boon
carried away by an elephant.
There wtrt severe electrical Storm*
every night and one of tho soldiers
in tiw escort was killed by lightning
just as his officer Was handing him
his pay. Fever*, tsetse flies, Uons
and crocodiles also took toll of tht
force.
Many
Sw&^&«M-___________k___M_______'v
uMwiDers
robbers in
disguise
'_--___--_L j___-
Captain Damintall, we salute youl
What was it that gave you those 800
bids to the Co-ed? Could it have been
500 Co-eds? Or was it that uniform,
or that nonchalant twirl of tho moustache? At any rate, we'll bo looking
for you Friday night, and don't forget
that four bits you owe us, Dammltal,
again we ny, Dammltal, a fine performance!.
Tho practice of giving Ufa
to "thumb*!*," or beg gars of
free rides, it daagereua to
motorist* and costly to you*
transportation company.
B.C. Electric Railway Co.
LOST—At last Pep mooting. Loose
Loaf Note Book. Return to Book
Store.
ENGINEERS  OPEN   HOUSE  OAT,
AFTERNOON AND EVEN1NO
MARCH 11, 1993, SATURDAY
"Just Whtrt The But Stopf*
Pt. Gray 67, Night Calls Elliott UN
R. B. PATTERSON, B.A
PUBLIC STENOGRAPHER
. 4479 W. Tenth Ave., Van.', B. C.
Manuscripts, Essays, Thtttt, Etc
Mimeographing, French
DINE AND DANCE
AT
COMMODORE CABARET
872 Granville Street
Luxuriously Appointed—Finest on the Pacific Coast
Class Parties Banquets
Fraternity and Sorority Functions
With the Famous Commodore Orchestra
"The Centre of Vancouver's Social Activities"
Dine and Dance at the
HOTEL VANCOUVER
Every Wednesday Night, 6:30-9:30 p.m.
Music by Calvin Winter and His Cavaliers in the beautiful
Spanish Grill.
Visit the Spanish GriU for the "Tea Dansanto" on
Saturday Afternoon, 4-8 p.m. — Tea and Dancing SOc each
Remember that the Supper Dance in the Spanish Grill on Saturday
Nights from 9:30 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. Is alwaya a looked-forward-to event
among the younger set.
—Special Rates for College Parties—
HOTEL VANCOUVER
A CANADIAN PACIFIC HOTEL
RUGBY CLUB PEP MEET
DRAWS BIG CROWD AS
BROCK AND CLARK STAR
Students Go Hungry To Watch Rugby Boys
Get Off Some Gags, Good and Otherwise
The English Rugby Club ran off
the BaUet-Who, their famous annual
revue, without a hitch Friday noon
to a packed Auditorium. Hungry
atudta wtnt without thtir lunches,
and came by hundreds to hang over
ths edge of tht gallery or sprawl ln
tht aisles. Freshtttet wtrt there too,
by tho hundred*, not knowing whether to prepare thamttlvtt for t tevtrt
shocking, or whether to gtt thtir
blushing apparatus in working order.
But at the proceeding! unfolded they
soon forgot their palpitations and
joined whole-heartedly in tht fun.
Not for long wort thty in doubt as
to whom they would book tor tht
Co-edl When their tyet saw before
them that bevy of beautiful he-men,
bbdtckod with tearltt tashea and
white ahirte, to aay nothing of navy-
blue panto, thty kew just what thty
wanted.
Concerning D. Brook
Dave Brock, ably partnered by the
varaatil* Clark, worked like a truck
horse all through tht performance to
keep thlngt going in tho inimitablt
Brocketty-Clarklan style and was tht
hit of tht meet in his one-act three-
scene play, starring D. Brock, directed by David T. Brock, written
by D. T. Brock, and With a cast
composed of the Willain: Dave
Brock, the Hero, Heroine, and Husband, not to mention the baby, David
Brook.
Mercer vs. Cleveland
Ranking a dote second was tht
thrilling argumtnt, vtrbal and otherwise, with Art Mtrctr and Howie
Cltvtltnd wowing 'em as tht principals, combatants, Doubhobor-con-
vtrts, or what have you. Talk about
thrills! (Those next few llntt were
censored—Ed.)
enthusiastically acclaimed, Cheers
shook the house as Whimmy delivered the most serious ultimatum of
his experience—but we stray from
tht point.
Emerson a Hit
Jack Emerson presented two of
his own arrangement* of popular
tune* and had tht rapt attention of
tht assembly; tht only timt during
tht entire hour that thty wtrt quiet
Clark and Brock won tht hearts of
the audience when they presented
tht skit, one among many, in which
thty gavt thtir intorprotationt of
Groucho and Harpo Marx, rttptct-
Ively. But David dear, whtn Groucho
waited thataway in your rhell-llke
tar, "Brothah, can yo' tpart a dlmt?"
whtrt, oh whtrt waa that scup-
soawfoe??
Thus tho English Rugby Club rant
away tht student body of U.B.C. with
admonitions to attend the gamt on
Saturday, whilt the arid ttudtnt
tpdy was so worn out with laughter
and thrills that thty could hardly
staggtr into ltcturtt, ton minute*
lata.
And thtn thtre was Jackie Padgett
and his band, who presented a number of popular pitcts for tho edification of tho students and to give thorn
time to prepare for tho noxt smashing, thrilling, gripping, astounding
act. True to its promise, the pep
meeting went on record as containing fewer speeches than ever before
In the history of U.B.C., and the esteemed President of the Alma Mater
Society, always a master of diplomacy and one who could take advantage of his opportunities, made the
most superbly smashing speech of
his  career,  and probably  the most
What People
Are Saying
Sedgewick—What does Shakespeare
mean by the "essential vesture of
creation?
Bromlley—A birthday suit, sir!*
• *  *
Sedgewick—The quicksand refused
to quicksand ... I was doing my best
to come up to Casslo then but evidently I didn't succeed.
• •  *
Sedgewick—Tlie only way to teach
B. C. students Is to put them through
the meat-mincer once a week.
• •  •
Dr. Sage—Henry the Eighth was an
expert at playing on hla lute.
• *   *
Jean Bloomer (at Arts '20)—Do the
runners stop for the signs of Granville Street?
• •   •
Prof. H. F. Angus—Maternity ia a
matter of certainty, but paternity is a
matter of*-er—conjecture.
• *  *
Dr. Sage—I know one poor graduate whose girl lives on the other
side of the toll gate.
A Challenge!
By JBFF BABBON
What, I ask you, Is the answer to
our present-day economic strife? Again
1 ask—What is the answtr?—although
I do think once ia tnough I'll ask you
again. What, I ask you, is tho answer
to our preaent-day economic ttrifo?
Tilt man on the ttreet would undoubtedly answer "Damned if I know,"
whtrtat the corpulent burinett-man
In hla well-appointed office would
counter with "Damned If I know."
Consider thete answers. Are they
alike in ratptott? Tho answtr it undoubtedly "Yes". Tho man on tho
stjrtfri would say "Yet, thty art alike!"
whereat tht burinttt-man would
somewhat diffidently concede "Yet!
They are alike!"
Sophias P. McSno-tleflush in his
recent article "Watte Toodoo Aboud
ihd" made the startling revelation
that Wall Street has collapsed! Ponder
on that a moment. Is it not amazing?
This, coming out of a clear sky was
a severe shock to the leading busi
ness-men of the world. All over Am
erica telephones bussed—long-distance
lines were going all night—Europe
sent cables to America—America snapped back with cables to Europe—Messages flew over tho wire—"Lucklee
please because of character and mildness, signed, Vincent Rigglo." "Am
having a wonderful time, wish I waa
there!" Immediately the President of
the Civic National State Chase Associated Communicative Farmer's Trust
County Bank got In touch with the
Prtsidtnt of tht Ladles' I.O.O.U.U.
of W. and held a matting. Ht paastd
the cigars—papers were arranged—the
taut, strained faces bent over their
papers—there was a tense sUence—
ont, two, three, got—ond they flew
at their paper dolls and began clipping.
Wall Street you have taken your toll
not to mention shirt* off millions of
backs!
So It is with skepticism that I cry
"What is the answer to our present
economic strife?" and it is with considerable cynicism that I am thowered
with vegetable matter and first mortgages. Will there be a turn for tiie
better? Who knows? What will be the
result? Who knows? Will anybody
find the corner? Who knows? Are
times getting better? Who knows? Am
1 writing this article? Who knows?
Will I stop? Who knows? (Editor's
Note: I know. You wilt)
Bloop Report
Reported NG
Reports Bloop
By Whlmmlo Undergrad
After due deliberation and investigation, we, the members of the Bloop
Committee for the Stadium Fuhd,
hereby submit our findings.
(Exhibit A)—The depth of the water
in the Stadium at high tide la merely .3560874 fathoms, and not .3589872
fathom* aa rumored.
(Exhibit B.)—Thia unfortunately fell
overboard while the committee tra;
versed the deeps of the Stadium.
(Exhibit Q)—The number of fossil
remains of human beings dredged
from the north end were 7.3077 in number. '
(Exhibit Something)—The number of
page* to this report are 2 (too) many
(Exhibit Three)—The number of cubic yards of earth not on the riadium
If plactd end to and, would cover
something or other.
(Exhibit A)—The practice of drowning cate in tht Orett Library Dttp
should bt discontinued. *
(Exhibit Elght)-The Silence Sign
mutt be returned.
(Exhibit O—The goal-potto thould
have been placed closer to th* top
of the water, as thty are hard to locate in thtir sunken position.
(Exhibit Nino)—The fence thould
have more knot-holes ln it, lt Is practically Impossible to see what is going
on Inside tht riadium confinoa.
(Exhibit G)-Diving helmits should
be provided for players using tiie
field. Flayers will be rttponriblt for
providing their own dlvlng-tultt.
(Exhibit One)-Sta-wttd should be
planted instead of grass.
(Exhibit D) - A chart should be
drawn showing tho dangtrout dtept
and treacherous shallows. This is for
tht safeguarding of navigation.
(Exhibit F)—The procttdura of allowing studtnts to watch the men
working on tho stadium should bo discontinued. N.B. Thty should not be
paid for this either.
(Exhibit Z)—An accurate record of
tho tides and currents should be compiled by Council. .
(Exhibit X)-No pencil should bo
allowed en tht Stadium Ocean unlets
that person Is abls to present Mariner's Papers.
(Exhibit P)-No swimming.
-C. dt s.
r
CRUMBS FROM
The
COLLEGE BREp
CO-ED, DONT MIND ME.
FOB WE'RE CO-ED TO-DAY,
TRA LA,
THAT'S EASY, CO-ED (Q. E. D.)
Litany Coroner
The Co-ed Ball
Tickets
Are now on sale.
I wonder if some little
Freshette will ask me?
Then if no one does,
(Which will probably be the case)
I can
Go back to the files
Of the Ubyssey
And say
With fervor
And with former Muck Editors
Believe me Brother
From now on
I'm through with women.
But then
If tome one doe*
I can say
Believe me Brother
From now on
I'm all for women.
"Crumbs" returns to the Ubyssey
after a long holiday. If "absence
makes the heart grow fonder," I
should be firmly established in the
good graces of my reader*. Perhaps
now you will think I'm good.
Oh, goodness graces me!
• •   •
Co-eds are planning a pep-meeting
to-day.   I won't be there—but co-ed,
don't mind me.
• •  •
The Bally-who of 1933 was reminiscent of bigger and better pep-
meetings in the good old days before jess-orchestras had to be im-
poted to provide entertainment for
the students.
• •   a
Paging the Department of Psychology! Now I'm making original puns
in my dreams. Has anyone ever
heard ol this phenomenon before? If
not I with to bt recognised as tht
original dreaming punster. It was like
this ....
I went to the party (I don't remember whott) adorned only in
B.V.D.'s and a dress-shirt. Unorthodox, yes, but I managed to ramaln
unclad and undetected until paying
my retptote to my host.
"Ah! A Forsytht shirt, I btlltve?"
he qutritd. "But your pants, Morton, your pants, whore art thty?"
"I'm sorry," I replied, "I didn't
have enough Forsythe to realise you
might really want to tot thtm."
• e  •
On waking, I thought of another
ont.
"Two timtt foresight."
• *  •
Tlie foUowing puns _re dedicated
to Prof. F. G. C. Wood who has admitted, publicly in the lecture room,
that tht puns on tht Muck page
amuse him and that their absence
from page throe leaves a gaping hole
that nothing rise can fill—or some
such words, I'm not trying to quote.
• •  •
Tha ocean liner plowed through
tht oncoming waves and her decks
were swept with a terrific gale. Down
below, the passengers were rising
for braakfatt. An old gentleman waa
trying to comb his hair as tht ship
rolltd from ride to ride.
"Any port In a atom, eh?" he exclaimed to the steward by way of
morning greeting.
"Quite!" was the answer. "And I
soo It's dandruff again today."
And so we don't wonder that he
had a little brush with him.
• •   •
Ah,   that's   nothing!    I   think   up
one* like that everyday.
• *   »
The W.U.S. are up to their usual
annual antics. They will frown again
on dinner parties held in public
places before or after the Co-ed.
However, realizing that frowning
will be for nought, they ask that the
above mentioned dinners (which are
not supposed to be held), should not
be unduly advertised—oh well, they
can't start too young.
• *  •
A tuneful tong that ahould have
been sung at the Bally-who:
"Hey, young nit-wlt!
Put away your rugby outfit,
For the stadium
Is on the bum
And it ain't gonna drain no more."
• •   •
Curtain!
•-Morton
Get Your
Man!
Is This an Ad for the R.C.M.P. ?
NO J It Simply Means that You
should ask Him to
THF CO-ED BALL
The largest
sellini  *
in Canada
IIM
THE BEST MILK CHOCOLATE MADE Page Four
THE UBYSSEY
Tuesday, February 28,1S33
E
BEST MUDDERS TO WIN
IN McKECHNIE BATTLE
Vancouver Scores Two Tries and a Convert
to Win By Score of 8-0
Owen, Pearson. Young and Stewart Show
To   Advantage
eemsee^memeemsM^smsmseemmsammmmaswsms^ieumsmmmmmmmm
By CHRISTIE FLETCHER
Varsity lost its second straight McKechnie Cup match of
the season 8*0, when they engaged in a mud battle with Vancouver Rep. on Saturday afternoon at Brockton Point.
Oood Rugby waa impossible. Playing under an incessant
downpour of rain which turned the field into a quagmire, both
teams trenched through six inches of mud for a full hour, hopelessly trying to handle or pass with any degree of accuracy.
It was Juat another tough game for Varsity to lose. The
Blue and Oold tarily had thtir thartf
of tho play, and had waather condl-
tion* bran ravtrttd thtrt might have
been a different atory to tell.
Van. kicked off and after a serum
down rushed tho pity to tho Varrity
lint whtrt Art Mtrctr clewed with
a kick to touch. Milt Owen wat
away on the wing but was forced out.
Esson Young started a dribbling attack which waa stopped five yards
from the Vancouver lint. Klnnlmont
secured from the loose and passed
to Pinkham who was stopped by Elton Young. After an exchange of
kicks In center field, Vancouver
dribbled to the Blue and Gold ten-
yard line where Pinkham gained poa-
station,_ and went over, but was
called for offside play.
Vancouver Seortt
The Bep. pressed again, but Cleveland relieved pressure with a fine
kick to touch. A few minutes later
• Vancouver started a forward movement which ended by Boxborough
crossing the line for the initial try.
Marion made a fine effort to improve, the ball Just falling short by
Inches. The Students tried hard to
even the count in the last moments
of the half, but lacked the necessary
punch to go over.
Vancouver began the second half
with a nice three-run. Rogers
cleared. Roxborough broke away,
but was brought down hard by
Brand. Varsity forced the play to
the Rep. Une, but the latter were
right back. Soon after Art. Mercer
was kicked In the leg and had to
leave the field for a few minutes.
Klnnlmonfs Play
Klnnlmont pulled off the fastest
play of the game when he dribbled
fifty yards to fall on the ball for a
try. Pete Wilson converted to make
the score 8-0. From this time on,
Varsity repeatedly had Vancouver
penned In their own twenty-five, but
each tune the Rep. squad ran tbe
ball back Into safer territory.
With but ten minutes to go, Esson
Young was forced to leave the game
when he was kicked in the back following an attempt to stop an opposing scrum attack. In the dying moments of the game Vancouver were
compelled to touch-down twice to
save a score. The game finished with
the Studenta fighting desperately to
cross the Rep. line.
The Inability of the Var-ity scrum
to heel in the second half no doubt
had a bearing on the result of the
game. Only once did the scrum get
the ball out in this period. MUt
Owen and Esson Young turned In
by far the best performances for
the Student*, while Harry Pearson
and Max Stewart did the best work
In the loose .
The line-up: O. Brand, M. Owen,
H. Cleveland, Alan Mercer, Esson
Young, Art. Mercer, Ken. Mercer, J.
Ruttan, Max Stewart, B. Morris,
Bobby Gross, E. Senkler, Vic Rogers,
D. Brown, H. Pearson.
PHOTOGRAPHS
The photographer has not as yet
received many orders for the team
and group pictures taken for the
Totem. Orders for these should be
placed with the Accountant upstairs
in the Auditorium as soon as pos-
siblev It may not be a matter of common knowledge that If over half the
individuals in a picture each place
an order, the picture does not cost
the Totem anything. Help the Totem!
Buy a picture!
Fee pictures may also be picked
up at Artona Studios now.
McKechnie Star
MILT. OWEN
MUt. Owen turned In a fine performance ln Saturday's McKechnie Cup
struggle. His tricky runs up the touch
line were good for big grin* on many
occasions .while hi* tackling was of a
high order.
TRACK NOTICE
A meeting of the Men's Track
Club will be held In Arte IM Wednesday at 12:15. Impbrtont business,
including the Tacoma trip, will be
discussed.
All-Blacks
Take U.B.C.
Gridders
Playing under a drizzling downpour the Varrity Senior Canadian
Rugby gridders went down to a 6-5
defeat against the North Vancouver
All Blacks, at the Varsity soccer
field, 2:30 Saturday.    ■
In the first quarter the AU Blacks,
taking advantage of their superior
weight in the line, carried the pigskin far Into the U.B.C. territory. It
was while ln this position a Uttle
more speed and accuracy by the
Varrity fullbacks might have averted
a safety touch for one point for the
boys in black. The period ended
with a score of 3-0 for North Van.
In the second canto Varsity took
the offensive, which resulted in a
beautifully completed forward pass
from Ridland to EUett for twenty
yard*. Fast on this play, which carried the Blue and Oold boys into
kicking position, Ellett kicked to the
dead-line. Then occurred one of
those flukes; the receiver dropped
the ball and Varsity scored a touchdown which went unconverted, leaving the score 5-1 for U.B.C.
The third period saw both teams
endeavoring to score. In the last
quarter the All-Blades started the
baU rolling by scoring a rouge on
Moffat tor one point. The game was
finished by a field goal for three
points by McPhearson of North Van.,
the final score being 6-5 for the All-
Blacks.
Both teams did their utmost to win
but the ground was heavy, making
It extremely difficult for the men to
make fast getaway*. The All-Blacks
played with a cool precision and at
the commencement used their superior weight with deadly accuracy; but
later in the game Varsity was able
to smear many of their plays. The
University gridders made up their
lack In weight with speed, but lt was
evident that the linesmen did not fill
on
Golfers Win
Over Varsity
A 74 by BUl Strinhoft, tenth man
on tht 'American team, explain* why
the University of B. C. golfers took
a 19-1 trimming in Seattle on Saturday in thelraannual match against tht
Univsrsity of Washington. Strinhoff s score indicate* the even
strength that gave the homo team
thtir margin ovtr tht B. C. repre-
stntatlvts who had had practically
no practice for months on account of
At that the match was not so onesided as tho score indicates: There
was a point each for tho first and
second righteent and two points friths match. Bach foursome was thus
battling for tour points, and it was
just hard luck that U.B.C. did not
gain one or two points, as almost
every four battled almost to tho last
hole before the points were derided.
Charlton, semi-finalist In the B.C.
amateur latt summer, and Charley
McCadden, twice U.B.C. champion,
wore a strong pair, but their putting
was a Uttlt off and thty wtrt unable
to catch up after losing the flrat
throe holts, pars and birdit* wire
necessary to win hole* ln tills match.
Marling and Prtvori gained U.B.C*
tinglt point when they finished four
up on Levin and White . In tho afternoon, however, only Marling'*
putting kept thtm in the running.
Levin ahot a 72 and th* best baU of
the American pair waa 68.
Though out-classed a Uttle, none
of the U.B.C. golfers played game*
to be ashamed of, and til of them
thoroughly enjoyed the match, which
was played In ideal golf weather on
the sporty and weU-kapt university
count.
Thirteen made the trip but the
only bad luck the players suffered
was the necttrity of returning. While
thtrt, the boy* took In tht Washington-Oregon basketbaU game.
Tilt scores were: Ted Charlton and
Charlie McCadden lost to BUl Rourke
and Addison Clifford, 3-2; Sandy
Marling and Gerald Prevost lost to
Bob White and Herb Levin, 2-1;
Harry Horsman and Ted Wilkinson
lost to Wade Sheehan and Billy Duncan, 4-3; Loren Teetzel and Ken Hen-
tig lost to George Parsons and Bud
Harris, 5-4: Gordie Livingston and
Bill Castleton lost to BUl Howard
and Dan Stelnhoff, 8-6.
CWLL1WACK IS VENUE
OF SEMORT GIRLS
Having no opponents In the Lower
Mainland this ye.ar, the Senior "A"
girls' basketball team joined up with
the "B" loop and finished second
after a successful season.
Determined not to be out-done by
the soccer team, the girls are going
off on a jaunt to turn back Chilliwack'* beat on Saturday night.
There are seven regular players,
and Coach Barbarie has announced
that ten player* wUl be carried
throughout the play-offs. Four intermediate players, VI Mellish and
Margaret Hall, guards, Marjorie Lang,
forward, and Myrtle Beatty, who
plays both forward and centre, are
fighting it out for the remaining
place*.
Only two of the team have had
previous Senior "A" experience.
Gladys Munton, a sterling captain
and guard, will be a strong opponent
for the Chilliwack lasses. Andree
Harper, also a member of last year's
team, is a diminutive but speedy
forward. Audrey Munton, Dot Hudson, Kay Bourne, Helen Joost and
Jean Thomas comprise the rest of
the team.
Sometime before March 17 the team
will travel to Victoria to play a Senior "A" game for the provincial title.
The Co-eds will also play Pentlcton
or a Vancouver team for the Senior
"B" title.
Wins Ski Event
■von the rain did not stop tho In-
terprid Varrity skiers from hiking up
Grouse on Saturday In order to participate in tbe Outdoor Club ski races
on Sunday morning.
Tht mtn's race from tht ptak of
Dam to tht cabin on Grouse was
won by JtcktU Fairlty. Thtrt was
a Uttlt _rath snow pver a hard crust
making test skiing possible. This race
depended en down hill skiing only,
as there were no hills to climb or
any level skiing. JtcktU Fairley arrived at the cabin twelve minutes
after ho had started from Dam Pete
fowler made a does second, having
taken fourteen minutes. Ritchte
Dttnt wat third with nineteen min-
The women had to climb from the
cabins up to the ski jump and back
tgaln. Fiona Sutherland arrived first,
fifteen minutes after aha had started'
out. Muriel Christie was second,
having taken sixteen minute*. This
is the first women's race held by the
club tor thrte years, and it Is to be
hoped that the women will ktep it
up and all enter next year.
Sticcerites
Snarl At
Snow
"King Winter" teems to bo determined that the soccer laddies shall
not make their projected visit to
Chilliwack. The game is billed for
tomorrow, but with the snow performing in mid-season form, it does
not appear likely that the trip wUl
take place.
Anyhow, the boys art expecting
to travel to the land of contented
cowt ln the near (aa possible) future
to gain revenge for the 1-0 loss suffered thtre last ytar. Aa the entire
senior team expect* to make the trip,
the prospects of a victory look good.
However, the men of the Cherry City
also have their eye on a victory and
have plenty of abUlty to back up
their threats.
Should it be impossible to make
the trip tomorrow, lt Is possible that
the game will be arranged tor Saturday, provided the V. & D. League
does not schedule a game for this
week-end. This would suit our boy*
down to the ground, as such a game
would be a good preparation for the
coming struggle with North Shore
United in the Imperial Cup scries.
the gaps In the line as quickly as
possible; while the secondary line
hesitated in covering up the plays,
and the ends were slow in following
up the kicks.
Bowers displayed strategy as captain; Ridland, a newcomer to the
gridiron, showed rare promise in his
passing and ln his interpretation of
plays; Poole worked his deadly
tackling to perfection, Moffat showed
speed in running back his share of
the punts, and EUet kicked out many
long punts.
Lineup: Bower, Crysdale, Symonds, Thompson, EUett, Ridland,
SneUing, Rader, Begg, Anderson,
Holden, Poole, Whltacker, Moffat,
Mortimer, Patterson, McKinlty, Pyke.
You Don't Say So
By HOWARD JONES
We have a prospective champion ln
our midst. Dot Rennie, star plunger
for the U.B.C. swimming club un-
officialy broke the world record with
a plunge of 73 feet, 1 inch. Unfortunately in the next meet she was off
form and the offlcal timers that were
present, were unable to mark her
down dfficlally a* the holder of the
world'* record. Keep It up Dot,
we're puUlng for you. We're sure
that you won't fall for want of trying.
* *   •
Dave Brock sura put on a peppy
pep meeting on Friday even If lt was
a trifle risque. You can't beat the English Rugby Club for wim, wigor and
wltality a* far aa putting on a selling campaign goes. „
* •   *
Arts '34 won the Arts '20 Relay.
I think it would be in order for the
Junior* to move a vote of thanks to
the Commerce Club who sacrificed
three of their best runners, Swift,
Pugh, and Brand for the glory of '34.
* *   *
The Student's Council refused to reconsider the eligibility of "Horse*"
Douglas. This must have been rather
disappointing In basket-ball circle* as
there seemed to be a rumor circulating that 'Horses' might be able to play
in the playoff*."
* «   *
The U. of Washington teams have
all proved to be a little too much for
our boys, and they continued to
show their superiority over the weekend when they held the U.B.C. Golf
team to a pretty low score. It is
hard to make a comparison between
the two team* though, because of
the great difference in the size of
the respective schools.
* •   •
And here's an interesting Item on
Inter-collegiate sport. It seem* that
Ted Wilkinson met up with some of
the tennis lads at the U. W. who Intimated their derira for an Intercollegiate   tennis  meet  with   U.B.C.
SENIOR "A" FINALS OPEN
THURSDAY AT VIC FOR
BURRARD LEAGUE TITLE
Osborne, Nicholson and Campbell Are Vet-
terans ot Dominion Championship Team
Varsity  Plays  Sparlings  or  Province  in
Thursday's Tilt
By DICK ELSON
At 9 o'clock Thursday night the atage will be set for Varsity
and either Province or Sparlings to play the opener in the
playoffs of the Burrard Basketball League.
• The winner of the crucial game tonight gains them the
chance to fight it out with Varsity for the laurels. The playoffs
will be run on the three games out of five basis.
Varaity, thanks to a long deserved rest up and plenty of
concientioug practicing are in the prime of condition contrast*
Senior B's
In i
The Normal Grads proved to be a
Uttle too much for tho U.B.C. bas*
keters in the first Senior "B" playoff game on Thurtday night. Tht
teachers were playing good basketbaU, and the Varrity team wasn't
Tht result waa that Normal came
out on top, though the game waa a
close one.
In the firet half tht Blue and Gold
lada couldn't stem to get going and
Normal waltzed through tho period
to win it eerily with a score of 19-12.
In the second half the boys seemed
to hit their stride and brought the
score up to 22-22. Both teams began
to fight hard and the score mounted
pretty well even till the second half
was nearly over. Then both teams
began to feel the results of dirty
playing, and three men on each team
went off on personals. McDonald,
who had been playing an outstanding
game for the students, was one of
the victims ,and Normal managed to
plunge through and win 34-33.
The teams:
Varsity — McDonald (IS), MacLeod
(2), Lucas (9), Sutton (7), Prlngle,
Webster,  Stokvis, Bolton.—33.
Normal Grads—Thomas (10), Grant
(6), McKenzie (7), Hardy (S), Brown
(4), McLaughlin (2), Moore.-34.
SWIMMING CLUB
ANNOUNCES PLANS
Now that the Interclass Swimming
contests have been successfully completed, training hour* at Crystal Pool
will be confined to two sessions per
w«ek, at which time Varsity swimmers will meet and co-operate with
feUow members of the Associated
Amateur Swimming Clubs of the
Lower Mainland, the times being
Tuesday and Friday at 7 p.m. Tuesday the accent will be upon diving,
plunging atid breariroke training.
The Friday session will commence
with competitive handicaps, followed
by scientific efficiency teats and recordings of progress made under
training.
The A.A.S.C. consists of that part
of the Lower Mainland Swimming
League comprising the members of
the Westminster and Vancouver Y's,
Crescent' Beach, Bowen Island, White
Rock, Greater Vancouver Sunday
Schools Swimming Association, and
Varsity Swimming Club.
Varsity swimmers will not only
participate in the weekly handicaps
but will be Invited to contest for
honor positions on the Associated
representative team to be selected at
eliminations to be held during the
month of May after which the Associated team will contest with the
Vancouver A.S.C. team in a struggle
for supremacy at a dual meet In
Crystal Pool on or about the twentieth of May.
Beginners, and those working on
special strokes and lifesaving meet
at Chalmers, Wednesdays at 5:30 as
heretofore.
Of course no definite arrangement
haa been made yet, but you can rely
on the Blue and Gold racketers not
to pass up a chance Uke this. In-
ridently should audi a meet come
to pass it wUl mark quite a definite
Inter-collegiate trend In minor aports.
fed with their relatively over-worked
opponent*. Howtvtr, to-night't vlc-
tort have boon in active competition
since latt Tuesday and the Same
should be a dost content
At the time of going to proas, news
reache* us of the possibility of one
or two of tht play-off fixtures bring
played in the Varrity gym.
The starting line-up of Osborne,
Bardsley, Nicholson, K. Wright and
CampbeU wiU taka the floor as per
usual. Matthison, with his usual bag
of tricks, will also be on hand, together with Dick Wright and Mansfield.
Osborne's Third Tear
Captain Bob "Tony" Osborne, wi)l
lead the Blue and Gold aquad from
his position at right guard. "Tony"
is a veteran of three years senior
baritetbaU, and has been captain for
the last two. In the Dominion
Championship final* in 1931, Bob
stacked up 13 pouits hi the last game
to practicaUy win the game for Varsity.
Another veteran of four years
standing is Laurie "Olson" Nicholson,
who will hold down the centre position. Laurje, although not the team's
high scorer, is a splendid team player, making the plays for many scores.
'Olson" although the centre ot the
attacking force, is invaluable on defence also.
A third member of Varsity's
Championship team of two years ago
is PI "Rubberlega" CampbeU. In
Varsity's last season in' the old V.
and D. League, Pi carried off high
scoring honors, whUe playing on the
forward Une. This ytar he nas been
shifted to guard where he bas produced some really effective long
shooting, which ha* cinched some
important contests. t
Wright a Play-maker
A two year member of the team
ia Ken "Hooker" Wright. A good
play-maker, Ken consistently turns
in fine performances. Although hampered in the last game by a broken
finger, "Hooker" expects to be ln
shape for the play-offs, though the
finger is still slightly swollen. Ken
Is the utUity man of the squad, alternating at guard, forward and
centre.
Bardsley, another "sophomore"
player, who is one of the hardest
wrokers on the team, will be right
ln there at forward. Jimmy seldom
falls to break into the scoring column, long shot* being his specialty.
Rann Matthison, one of the "freshmen" of the squad, although one of
the amaUeat players in the Burrard
League, is nevertheless one of the
most effective. Rami, in several contests, has taken high scoring honors,
his style being hard to check. His
regular position is at forward.
Dick Wright, who jumped this year
from Intermediate to Senior A ball,
has been a very effective sub at both
guard and forward. Dick features
long shots, and has a habit of getting
them when they are needed.
Mansfield, formerly manager of the
squad, stepped in to fill the empty
place when "Horses" Douglas was
declared Ineligible. Tommy hails
from Westminster, where many of
Varsity's Senior "A" player* have
been turned out.
-■+
Varsity vs. Normal Grads
Senior "B" Playoff*
FIRST GAME
Varrity 33 — Normal 94
SECOND GAME
Varrity 38 — Normal 41
**■

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