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The Ubyssey Mar 27, 1953

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 I  l^2Us,
Vol. 1, No. 1
VANCOUVER, B.C., FRIDAY, MARCH 27, 1953
5 CENTS
JuIfilU  Ojua  0suiW£AaJtk Jjtaditw/t
Sohn 9n diuunbk <&>$ Cabin
CLLLumsA  dUnhstAi 0££ics
9i Couldn't Happw
(hufwhtM £h£ 9n^ JAs UJohld!
POOR WEATHER
RED INSPIRED?
ASKS STAFFER
Indrews Slams Hasty Judgings:
MacKenzie Wants Stability
In Provincial Capital
BASI   SAYS  FELTHAM'S
PROBLEM
BCE Actions A Hindrance
Must Re-organize Field
For New Committee
Increased reader Interest in the
weather situation has prompted
The Herald-Tribune to send out a
staff reporter to obtain comments
of administration and student government personalities on the sub
Ject.
President N. A. M. Mackenzie
refused to comment until the weather situation in Victoria had
either changed or stabilized. His
aide, Prof. Geoffrey Andrew, however, went as far as to say: "From
where I sit the weather is always
lair, conditions permitting, of
course."
He also added that he would
rather not Jie quoted. "You must
understand that officially 1 cannot
express a personal opinion on such
A controversial Issue."
Retiring AMS President Raghblr
Basi was more voluble. He stressed
that he had repeatedly petitioned
both the federal, and provincial
governments to "do something"
about the situation. Asked what
"doing something" meant, Basi re
plied tersely:   "Anything."
Basi also pointed out that BCK
actions In the past had been more
of a hindrance than a help. "Of
course, the solution or this problem
Is now up to my successor."
New president, Mr. Ivan Feltham. declared emphatically that
Order would have to he brought
to hear on the problem. "I shall
strike a committee Immediately to
study the matter,'' he said.
Vice-president Dick Underbill
was. surprisingly, of a different
opinion. "The whole mess is a result of the destructive criticism of
The Cbyssey. I The I'byssey is
ll.C.'s  best  university  paper).
Treasurer Al (Ioldsniith asserted
that whole affair was being unduly
exaggerated. "There's nothing
wrong with the weather that a two
dollar fee increase could not fix,"
he  stated.
I'lnssey editor Al Cot herlng-
liani's only comment was: "Wait
until I see that guy Stoyva." This
irate remark mine forth alter
Stoyva, currently LSE president,
had stated that as far as he was
concerned the worse Ihe weather,
the less likely would MAD be able
t.i put ou its "gladiator shows,''
"We'll take their money «ny day,"
he said.
: Allan Fotheringham was inaugurated today as head of the Publications Board amid the medieval
splendour of Pub Board furnishings.
At 12.05 Fotheringham solemnly
raised his right hand to say: "Shut
up you idiots!" Thus a man of
humble origins from a log cabin in
Chilliwack, took over this democracy's highest office.
Standing beside him was hia
predecessor, Joe Schlesinger, with
head bowed ln contemplation, probably figuring how much income
mx he would have to pay If he sold
his memoirs to LIFE magazine.
In his inauguration speech. Fotheringham expressed Ills determination' to clean the LSK egg
heads out of government. He also
warned his listeners that they
would be expected to work harder.
"Youse guys better watch your
step.. It's no use going to the
Georgia until you're 21 and have
earned  your pension," he said.
After the ceremony the new
head of state rode ln triumph to
Brock Hall, while the retiring
statesman took off tor bis farm in
the Fort Camp area.
ON THE THRESHOLD of power, incoming Ubyssey editor Al
Fotherlhgham meets Ills outgoing predecessor ,loe Schlesinger
stepping over the threshold into retirement. So simple that It seemed
no more than commonplace, this action marked an event'so extraordinary that it scarcely could have happened anywhere else In the
world. All through the ages mankind's greatest problem has been
the transmission of power. Too often, as history's bloodiest pages
attest, lt han been accomplished by assassination, revolution, bribery,
terror and torture.
Border Patrol
Bars Commie
Immigration  Officials Believe
That Lazure Was Planning
To Spread Communism
SisdnMn   QmisUk   fottuAwn
9n  pahUwmnbViii £kctw/i
dtpiaioM etay fioho/wjuA ChaMpA
Doug Steinson, president of the » wt^w^m^mt*'
campus    Liberal    Club,   ve8tejda>'   vN||D|lrNFORuEL
denied   fantastic   charges    of    attempting to stuff Mock Parliament
ballot     boxes     levelled   by   leftist \
hecklers at a public meeting. j
BRINGS PEACE
United States border guards discovered an attempt by a former
head of a communist student organization, to sneak into the States
Irom Canada.
Red ag I to tors almost turned the
meeting  into  a  shambles  as  they
accused  Steinson  of trying  to  fix
Moek   Parliament   elections.   Members  ot   other  democratic  campus
political   groups   rallied   to   Stein-
Dr.  Denis   Lazure,  past-chairman ; son's   detence   in   the   face   of   the
of   National   Federation   of   f ana-i ludicrous   and # poisonous   charges
dian     I'niversity     Students,     was; of  the  agitators.
turned back when lie attempted to
cross the border at Windsor.
Steinson  courageously  faced  the
heckling  and  jeering  of  the  heck
lers     and     firmly     justified     his
actions.
I.azure was accompanied by four
swarthy   criminal  types,  all  about
22 ypars old, who likely were well-
| versed   in   commie   propaganda.
j Immigration official .lohn P.
! Dulles, official publicity officer.
[ -aid that the rive "reds" were
j probably   planning     on     spreading
propaganda   among   the   university
students   of  the   United   States.
will  not,   he  too careful.     We  must
protect    our   students   who   some
day    will    he   head   of   this   great
country of ours from the undermining   Influence     of     communis!
propaganda," he said.
Lazure was first suspected of
'■pinkish" tendencies in 1!C>0, when
he was reported to have attended
a meeting of the Communistic In- university initiative by showing
•ernational Union of Students in students what ballots looked like
Prague, at   the  expense of  NFCUS.    before   the  election.
Steinson did not deny handing
out ballots to students, but he explained, "This election is new to
' the students, I thought it would
he wise to show them what the
ballots  looked like."
| "If anyone was foolish enough
to use those extra ballots, I can't
help il. I told them all to vote
Liberal, and that we would take
that      into      consideration      when
! counting the ballots.-'
;     C'l-\   Socreds   and
Conserva! ives  gave
Steinson's actions.
he   was  displaying  gooc
Death Dealing Weapon Means
Decade of Peace for West
Says Press Release
Dr. G. M. Shrum of the University of British Columbia announced
Thursday that one or his technicians has perfected the Schruin
Snorckenforgel.
Dr. Shrum in a flash press release, slated that the Schruin Snorckenforgel will give the Allied
countries at least ten years of peace
in which Ihey can invent more
superior weapons with which to
hold the Soviet Hear at hay.
Originally intended as a new
bobbin for electric- sewing machines the Snorckenforgel playing its
new death dealing role had never
occurred to Shruit: until its perfection here last week. The weapon has been tested thoroughly Iu
the past week and the Dr. say lie
is perfectly aware of all its deadly
capabilities.
The     Shruni     Snorckenforgel    is
so   far   ahead   of   Ku.ssiau   weapons
of  its  type, stated  Shrum,  that   we
full  support   to   can   freely   discuss   peace   in   Korea
They said thol   on   our  own   terms   now.     The   Di
sense  and    feels  that   this  is  the  biggest  tiling
REDS INCREASE;
C.O.T.C. ASSUMES
FULL CONTROL
Growing Red Campus Element
Causes COTC to Assume
Control of Affairs
ASKED BY BOSSES
Col. Fraser and Aides Remain
In Power Until Leftist
Operations Cease
Au announcement by Colonel
John Fraser has been released
stating that his forces of the COTC
will assume control of the unlver-'
sity. Fraser claims' that the action
will be carried out at the. urgent
request or the university authorities, who deem that emergency
measures are necessary to combat
the growing red element on the
campus.
"Revolutionary factions,' who
have caused Increasing disturbances of late, make this action a necessity, ' said President N. A. M.
Mackenzie in a statement to this
paper. The well-trained troops
will continue the operation of martial law on the campus until there
is a restoration of normalcy, and a
disappearance of leftist agitations.
In a special interview, Col. Fraser said. "We believe that this Is
the will or the majority of the
students, and although I shall assume temporary control of the
AMS and " the administration, a
president will be elected when the
situation warrants such action.'*
Coi. Fraser further stated that he
would not be Indisposed to assuming this position "If such an eventuality arose, and the people aaw
fit to elect me."
The group which surrounds Col.
'Fraser, and acts as his advisory
body includes such men as Major
T. F'ranck, who is noted for his
outspoken defences of the UBC
way of life; and Major Edwin B.
Parker, who served as Executive
Editor of tliis newspaper before
his appointment as an aide to Col,
Fraser. Others in Col. Eraser's
immediate circle are Major W.
Mather aud  Captain T.  Flnlay.
Willie Fraser is at present only
•i colonel, a promotion now seems
certc.in. probably to the rank of
Field Marshall. Similar promotions are expected for the remainder of the junta.
'rogressive
on the side of the Allies since the
invention of the now far-exceeded
aton    bomb.
fiinlwA %iiilty
Off fcApdonaq*
Further acts of obstruction by
pinkos were nipped in the bud
with the apprehension of fourteen
more students found parking cars
iu the faculty lot and on roadways
about  the area.
Competent surveillance of Ihe
officer on duty resulted in another
seiies of courageous arrests, in
which the officer fearlessly faced
the Commies wilh only pencil and
whistle,
His evidence 111 court i barged
them with public obstruction and
plotting to overthrow the government. Page 2
HERALD  "TRIBUNE
Friday, March 27,1953.
THE HERALD TRIBUNE
A newspaper published thanks to Col. Bartie McDormick and under the
patronage of the-vaudeville act of McCarthy and MacArthur. Published in a
country which God blesses. Europe owes to and Marilyn comes from. Printed
as often as possible in a hot dog stand cm the highway leading out.of Podunk,
Idaho.
Editor  Mortimer Snerd
Executive Editor Mary Worth
Vice Editors Lucky Luciano. Mickey Jelkc, Joe Philliponi
Literary Editors G. Chaucer. M. Spillane. E. Birney.
3. Scott (in Africa), Al Capp
Sports Editors Squiming S. Vangard,' Dick Bedclothes. -
Johann Stoyvn, Dr. Harry Warren. Mickey Jielke
Parliamentary Correspondent   ... Tilly Rolstoh
Sex Editor       Christine Jorgenson. Minnie Novak. Mickey Jelke
Unknown  Quantity
Today more than ever we have to remain
on guard to maintain our heritage of liberty.
From without and within press the forces of
evil trying to disrupt our way of life. It is
indeed a life and death struggle and we must
not fail our ideals.
While no-one is denied the freedoms guaranteed to him by our century long traditions,
it must remain quite clear that we cannot
tolerate the undermining of the cause ot
freedom by saboteurs. We are threatened
on all sides by K'eynesians and communists
Our affairs of state are run by traitors who
confess freely that they held radicaland unorthodox ideals in iheir senior year of high
Forces  of   Evil
The change in power in the AMS Soviet
face.} the world with new enigmatic problems
The new EIC is as yet an unknown quantity
outside Communist circles, hi fact, the only
man in ihe new administration known to have,
travelled beyond the Iron Gates is the President of the Supreme Council ot Commissar.-.
Ivan Ivanovitch Feltham. He is known to be
conciliatory towards the West, but unfortunately is a mere figurehead with more of a
figure than a head.
The Western World will have to be rendv
JiAcal £us
This column ;s pl<\u-e:' •<■ --ike note of Mr. l>.r.
draper's reaction to the ivc-v: uiireasotiable d-
iniii'd laid hefoiv !ii:n hy sonn" -.miv-rsjify student.-.
Il takes i-'-ul courage for a rum it; his position v
lay hare the economi" t'.ic's of life l>.-f >r" th--
carping cri; iristn of aNe-g-itp.iir.g malcontents, p,
lie has clone.
These students prohahl;.   •':'.>■  dupes  oi sinis
ter agitator^ - w-re asking ;'■"■ -.-cduM-d far-s op
our great public utility, simp'..-- on the basi- t!ur
students were -mi nm :■ to p-cy th-• full far". As 1'
this wot--- a sonnd .irghm-u;-' Mr. il-rauer qui;
properly pointed out that -h>-!-' we-.--- 'nan'-' ot'ne--
groups in Var.oottv n- which m.)',;'.,! use the sam-
nr.gunio-.it. and that such a eor.ee..M-;ou could tic",
possible ho granted ; , them a!'.. Aral 'lo-dclo-. thev--
areoi'.ly five Miou-mml university ,'udeiua, gathered
from all pi i -es. Why should th,-> he li-i'.-ned t-
l-'ifl\ I' i c i - -. i) ■,. 1 jchoo' childr-M;. '.villi-.- -..n-e-r-. a---
Voter- here, make '||i i|U!te a dit''--' -n: o:'< y;i, isjtiot. .
there   i.     on:     rea-o",   -..   coi-.s! |,.-   -hop   case
'I'hese   dW'-l'e--.
he   ivo;-;.    -,,-,\ -r.% of   W-
way-   ot   '   -
pipei',.    th--.-
I'oint   < I rev   needed   a    lesson    '•-    ;
world     If   tliej    hail     .pi'-    re.i,;    :;
would   know   that   N'O   hu-h:    <■ ■.:      \>-r  -af'.'ce I   '
reduce it-, prices; KVKKY li-i-h:--. :- op-"'ati'.'.g ■ ••
a thin nuirg-'n ef prolit. or '- .--. - -.: ' '-ir.g niotn-T
It is well-know" that 'he -:m:'-i- -cm joes of - -
l.'.C. Kloctrii liave hoot; i-ui-.n-lug !-. ■'•-.■■ '■ ,(| o\ ■■
these pas- Piar.y years, the- word"-- ;-. 'hit ■'.
Puses kee; rnnuing Tho s> hi.-:;--, -ho'thl i.a\
known   better   than   i->   a-K   : ■;■    .otio-'hin.g    'vou:
corpora t Mil   e'.o::   ;;-o-e   po\ ■■-■<.   ,-;•;, ',.■•-,   -;ir;   'pet
selves.    Sac r-'iin--'   h-    •'ir     ";-    -.'■ \!>.   ;.,   w--'
as  being  l';!:h-
Some    pe -.p!--    s--t■::-,    I i    ' '-:': . -p .    'i", ail--     '
!!.('.   I-IIcmI i-;.    i-  son-e- ime-   .  i "."-■-■   .,   op' hi   -■■;■' a
it    exists   to
—  . r.
farther   from   -'a-   truth   thai.   -'
kind   ,if   thinking   is -some' ir.-.g   ■-.-.,   m r i ■,"<!   \\
Canadian group.-  which  wish  ■ -   in.I- :-ir." ■- on-
:,oeiei y      oi      nri', a',       elite-.- »'" - . Mai       -hog hi
si|itashed      TV     Ik!'.    )-".lec-.r-,     i- 'mis:-'---*..
school. They try to minimize their guilt by
professing to have dropped these teachings
in the first semester of their freshman year.
But whd*rcan believe that the roots of evil
sown in their minds in their tender years have
not remained to poison, aye to pervert, our
;deal of government.
We must not flinch from our duty. We
must strike at these fellow travellers and
eggheads before their teachings poison the
minds of our young. We must sk>p them from
speaking in order to defend the very fabric
oi our society—the right to freedom of speech
and expression.
tor any emergency. If the new administration
decides to attack the Titoist Redshivts, we
shall have to protect the poor darlings with
all our might.
One thing is certain. Fotheringham is
bound to take a firmer stand. It is not known,
however, what he will stand for. He is known
to be a MAD fanatic. But Western experts
have not yet come to an agreement on what
his future policy will be and can be expected
to make a good livelihood out of disagreeing
for quite some time.
i-Mito--, The  Herald Tribune:
Hear Sir,
The   recent   plans   formulating
'on   this   campus    regarding    the
building     of     an     International
house   are   clearly   the   work   of
communist   sympathizers.
In the great republic to our
.south the dungcT of suca organizations has been clearly demonstrated, Willie Jnnoeent In
aptieara.uce, they are nothing but
red front organizations dedicated
to the purpose of spreading the
nauseating doctrines of communist Russia, and of undermining
the government, religion, and indeed every foundation of our
democratic way of life.'
Ca-efully cloaked in appealing
pyscho semantic language, the
communist i-.irty have proven of
incalculable clanger to our safe,
solid   and   democratic   system.
I. therefore urge every loyal
and patriotic student to rise in
protest against the building of
an ir.--"national house and indeed against the organization itself. The university of D.C. is
recognized as being one of the
strongest supporters of our present way of life and it would be
to our everlasting shame if such
at, er.vlahle reputation was to be
•nav-r-ti  in any way.
Yours truiy.
AXTM'INKo
[V
".hi-   Herald  TYiieiiie ;
- a warning to your read-
-.-'':   go   to   iiUssja'
I have just returned and was
barely able to escape with nty
life. The secret police are everywhere waiting to catch you doing
something so they-can send you
to Siberia as "as an enemy of tha
people.''
While I was there I visited
schools, factories and business
firms, nnd the condition-? I found
there were terrible.
Schools are run like reform
schools iu every way except that
the students .go home at night instead of back to their cells. Teachers are especially trained to
twist the pupils minds to i-onfor-.t.j
to communist ideas and to nuiko
them hate the WEST.
While visiting a factory which
was turning out rifles. 1 saw a
worker beaten to unconsciousness by a wliip-c .irryiug overseer,
because lie 'wasn't working fast
enough.
Business firms are the same,
and the worker ts constantly under pressure to work faster. People are poorly clothed and huv-»
hare'.y eiiouath to keeptheni allv-j.
Their faces are lean and hag,-
jEnri! and they very seldom speak
and wheu thev do they speak
very softly for fear of the secret
police.   I  guess.
Mut when you mention den--
« racy their eyes light up and you
know it won't be long before t't-.-i
people will rise up against the1."
Soviet masters and the wi','. of
t!;-- p'-ople will prevail.
JOHN   SMITH,
i ion'',-   America-a i
ITS   FROM   BIRKS
o:a--r   businesses.   ani   car.   'inly   iysp-''.:1   ro   th
.-■.lniUlils   oi'   !HO!'.e\.     How   el-e   could   it   ,-■. •-. •: nue   tc
g--t   us   downtown  ami   hack   -n   effici ■■■nt.'.;,"    \}o\\'
•he-,   teach  economics out  a:  -lie  I'ni-,>"-,.;.','   The;
should know that  the only  people  who  ".trior a-
•h is,-, who nve the money.
i'.est of all. oerhaps. was Mr. draper's ohioe v
■'.'.h students, in the ;nie tradition or --i!l\ fre
-•'.'enviso he pointed out to them tip- proper approach. (If course, they imp: no; exp'-'e- to a--'
-'P'-cia! treatment from husine-s; t'n.i- wo-,M p.>
•-. incite-.u-ii! to otl'.-'i' needy grouifc; ro ipse: the
wii'i'e applerart. A s"rvice. like .my ,im..; ccip.p
P'.odi'v. has its cost o;' l-roducti-Ml. and it 1.- nnij fai"
:.\d' ii should he sold at one price to all comers
'.-' t!ie\- find themselves in severe r'inatP ial st ■;,it-..
-. : . students should follow the ex.imp'.e-ot 'Ip- h,-..■•:
•'--.■   enterprise    husitlesses     -go   to   •',"    g, e, ernnie!', ?
'.p1   a-k    for   lielp.     A   --service"    |i'|.;r.---    ask-    t-
■ii-"   iv   price.-,;    the   sthdetps.   ha\ing   ,.s   -,-,.;   ;-,,
■■"ie--. will j",s- ha\a- to ask ''or mono;,
We    ire   glad   to   hear   this   hone,-   ail'-  ■ ■      It   no-
i'.l\   co,ts the gi\er no-hiug. h-i;  i- ,.i-n t-s- h--,  th'
-•■rlepc   what   -h-    go\ erntiii'ir   is   to-.    •■   -   ni.i;,'.
'■   Isim -s'l'en    and     I'eilirllli-S     iia1---    -i     -'■•-it     t'e ,,-■
•■-.' g-u eminent   and ',-r.d to dis. our. a- yo'i'"._ peopl
■ - ea   -n i king   proper   u ■•■   o   fi t.    M      ' l-a-;       is   -o
-'. >,e   -o   '"11   tlf-e    ip[ilicau',    'ha'.    :■    - . ■".    \s.,- •
•■-.- o'">    thev   will ho'.  -  to  go-    cit  .' ml   -c ■  '.   i r-  ;;
■ -a-   i.le.i   wa,   p.roven   t.ilse   loi.g   ago '.,o   '   i-
.-    -tamiu.i   p>   '--!'.   t'aetn   the   p,'.o th.:'   '   r h    "I:
."■    U.lt'    lllol'.oy,    go    wicre    -he\     tli.lh-     ' stu;..
' '   ■ m'm   i-   the  plae--  .,,.   \,,u : '     •i'h.i-'s   'Th        a •■  ,-a "
•■ -alis a-,  mo'let-r.  .i-ppro.ic'- ;   p.    ,ih!l;.   - . -living
'■'.: -lug ahoa;  t1 -■ hu,'.'..  i i,-  .   pIuc '"■' - - 'U-
THE   WATCH   OF   PROTECTED   ACCURACY
(Julie tiger is a vs a toll vou would
eujoy ovvninij.or jji\e w ith jiride ami
ronficli-nee, for it i- excc|ttioiiaIlv
ai.vur-tti- ami a sjilemliil exuiiijilc of
tin* vv atoli -maker's art. Made- iu
Switzerland, hv tTE«%A.
A. Mkt. golcl-tillcd OO.(X)
B. lOkt. jjol.l-lilled 6.V1H)
(.:. hu. gcici-tiiic,.:        (»:..ji)
MJt'TMiKT TI-:R\I>: -'.>' ,   doun,
Imm.'ici* in comvnifiit mimlhlv juivniimts.
r
\\ e   h- ar'ilv    : ommend   M '.'    11 '.- .'■     ■ .
h'lliv    of    Uusim-s,    agaill.-t     the    tho'g
'--hhl-.   lesj,   innocent   inroad--  -p   press .--.
1   f'-r   hi-   outspoke',   advice   which.   *i"
•"   ot   •''."   students   op.   -he   pat'    fo   v.
Mougliou-   their  live-
BIRKS
3 KM V I ,: J-t II    IN     i) I   |t     » Tu k
J   E   \\    E   L   L   E   R   S
1'HHM     I'll  1ST   Tl»    <   <» A s r *A '
The Daily
Peasant
PRO - USA LIES SPREAD
BY EUROPEAN EXILES
See Page 3
Vol. 1, No. 1
UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
COMRADE
WINS
Comrade   Al   Fotheringham   has   been   unanimously    .
chosen to lead our people in the struggle for a better world
and for the supremacy of Socialist Peace, as head of the
Peoples' Publication Board.
Comrade Fotheringham has long been at the forefront of j
this struggle. As«a child, Lenin once stroked his hair. Later,
his brilliance and devoted efforts on behalf of our people, his
struggle against the leftist doviationists, the infamous redshirts,
and the followers of Vaughn Loon Trotsky, brought him
decorations and renown.
Our beloved Fotheringham has expressed his earnest desire \
for peace, and the furtherance of world communism.   He has
vowed to maintain our happy peoples' democracy. ,
Comrade Fotheringham  replaces our  former leader, Joe j
Schlesinger, who  is  no  longer a  part  of our  socialist  state. ■
Physicians are at present composing medical bulletins that will
be released shortly.
PLOTTERS
EXPOSED
A plot by the COTC lo seize control ol the government of
the University of British Columbia has been exposed by alerl. j
.piall members of The Dailv Peasant.
her watchful of the rights of
I.!:,- exploited students of t his uni-
ver-uiy, laillilul members of the
I ,. rly have unearthed a nefarious
plot to transform the campus into
o.  :iiiliiar.\   tyranny.
:-'iles v\ hicli the war-nioiigei ing
I..clued killers of Ihe COTC have
I i t'-d   lo   keep  secret   I'l'oiu   Ihe  eyes
(It her    conspirai ms    involved    in
I lie   expose   a re    M- i.jor   'I'.    I'Yaiirk. ]
confirmed  fascist   dm 11 inaria n  ami;
Major   I'l.   I!.   I'a rker,   one I iuie   exe
I i ve   editor   of   The   I Va-aiul   before
his  expulsion   a-   a   -abol ear  of   Ihe
workers'   riglus.
When   the   administration   of   Ih
5 Kopeks
COMRADE AL FOTHKRINGHAM, heir to Lenin and disciple of Slalin. is seen enterin ■;
«.- -'udeuis have finally been ex- university imm ,pu-siioued ufie, die Central Secretariat from where he will lead the destinies of all free loving people.
j-,,.,,.,1 Although a denial will '»eing confronted with tin- aicuni-, Nowhere else* m the world has a head nf state enjoyed such a measure of confidence and
i.'ou'iiless l),- issued by the miliiar   ulaied   evidence,   t^cir   only   stale        |()Ve as vvm undoubtedly be bestowed  upon  Comrade    Fotheringham.    the    defender    of
iM,.   the   llaih    I'eas.iut'--   facts   are
•nl   was   "\'o   comment."   This   p.
M   ,,,suit ilii,. only   ..Hither   indication   of   the   in
-eader   of   the   plot    is   Col.   John ,'1'1 '' '' 1!   >        '"'    ""'1,plion    of    the
I-   a-er.    ex pi-esid.'iit     of    the    Tom <■" pi!.. il •! '    doinina ted. financier'
(   a eroaciioiiar\.     boss.ruled    syiu- infe.-l"d     administration     that     ex
lo i   of   ele   a deuce   which    has     -u I'l"'"-     I1"'     hard-working     studeni-
e-l posed  to  ;,)1   effort,   lo   relie\e   lil, (l1     ""      Utliwrsily.
e.\pl",t.fticiti   ol    workers   ami    peas The   I'easanl   v, ill   have   nior.-   do
ait, |-| Us   uf   this   plot   iu   later   is-iiev
peace, soeialism and a bet lor tomorrow.
Help Comrade Lazure
See Page 3 Page 2 DAILY    PEASANT
THE DAILY PEASANT
"Peasants of the World tJnite"
Published once every purge to explain to the little peasants the hard
facts of life.
Editor-in-chief , Top Dog of the Day
Security Commissar The Unpurged One
Staff Writers  Peasants Like You ,
This paper is not published for dirty profit.  All losses are guaranteed
to be paid by YOU peasants.
The Daily Peasant comes to you by courtesy of the Chief Censor.
Yearly Subscription Price: 100 roubles. As a special service to our readers
in the salt mines of Siberia, we offer them the Daily Peasant free as a means
towards their reorientation towards a more fruitful life.
Freedom ol Expression
Only those who have witnessed the atro- process. They would have us install a system
cities committed to paper by the underpaid jn which lawyers would be paid by the quality
lackeys of the capitalist press lords, can ap- 0f their slyness, the profundity of their eva-
preciate the freedom of expression enjoyed si0ns,   and   the   success   with   which   they
by citizens of a socialist state. swindled the Law.  This we cannot tolerate.
We as Marxists enjoy the most complete Out*comrades, the state prosecutors, are only
freedom of expression in, the furtherance of trying to do their duty   Their all-important
truth. Every citizen has a right and duty to work cannot be hindered.   The guilty must
express his opinion. It is indeed a glorious b? disposed  0f,   There can never  be  any
sight to see the masses of citizens descending doubt .that those accused by the State are
on the polling booths on voting day to express guilty  The State as the body corporate wouid
their heartfelt agreement with the decisions not  stoop to pervert Justice.   The accused
of our Leader.   Three can. however, be no have in ^ interests of fairness a ri<?ht to
deviationism. There is only one Truth, abso- ameliorate  their'lot  by  confessing  and  by
lute and complete.   Any variation from this putting  before  the  court  considerations  of
Truth is of necessity a falsehood and lie and mercy    Justicei   however,   cannot   be   side-
eannot be tolerated. tracked from its aim of implementing social-
Our fascist critics denounce our judiciary ism and a freer and more happy life.
Fascist Hyenas
The fascist hyenas have pulled the wool
over the people's eyes again. They have
staged another so-called "election" and are
now trying* to convince the populace that the
victor was decided in hot battle, and that the
'new" party in power is quite different from
the old administration. We, the citizens, of a
socialist and truly democratic state, know that
this pretentious farce will not save decadent
capitalism.
We know that the Liberals are not liberal;
Purged Ruble
So llirty Dal. the Trolley Tyrant. Is up to liir old
Krasping.  exploiting  tricks again.
It s'.imilrl be no surprise lo students that lie's refused to cut fares for them. No surprise, if they've
road Oppopinoff and aie aci|iiaiutecl with his theory
of Interdependent  Cyclical  Sanal'ratinu.
11 have.   I'm terribly smart.)
Tin- ".feat ecouoiuis; clearly stated that "Public
Transportation will i-amu be subject to accumulative
s'Ms.-'s and counter-pressures relating to the Inter-
ai'ioi, of intrinsic cur.ivaluuMou which is the
(li.ict   quotient,  of  the  deprecia I i Ve  nor III."
Utile wonder IMrty  Hal won't cut fares.
The reason is very simple. It isn't that the big
iuoiie\ boss aren't tiinldug enough. The B.C.K.'s
only overhead expense iri its wiring. That's all
overhead. They also make a fori line on the capitalist war program building sub stations for the
na\y. Tile real reason is that they don't want
.students to gel  to the university.
P.y keeping fates high, IMriy Oa! hopes to keep
students IX TOWN", And we revolution:! iries all
know whal that mean-. Don'l we'.' It means ,.weat
.simps, the prostitution of art. the art of prostitution
and all the other .paraphernalia of the capitalist
s\ s I • -111.
I.el us. then, ro-olve to take collective action.
II we cannot throw off the system- we can at least
throw Ihe system off. To begin with, a fellow-
traveller never has his change ready. In fact he
cat" tee nothing less lliau a t weiil y dollar bill. This
wilt hold up Ihe bus al least Ihree to fiu' minutes,
i'lse general dislocation, and while the driver is
Irving lo make change, the students ill the line
behind you will have an opporumity to sign your
I'e,ice   Petition.
Wherever possible, vou should I'e'.'u,,- to pat"
I'oM/e,
Friday, March 27, 1953
THE PEOPLE SPEAK
that the Progressive Conservatives are in
reality regressive; that the CCF has nothing
in common with the finer ideals of socialism.
Fotheringham, who made his mark in the
fascist world as an unscrupulous suppressor
of the people, will be worthy of the traditions
set by Schlesinger, the imperialist, fascist,
Zionist, anti-semite, cosmopolitan, nationalist,
chauvinist, internationalist, deviationist, and
conformist.
This means that you may have to hitch-hike i'l
senile) capitali-t's car. Thin breach of principle can
however, be utilized to advantage if, in accepting
the ride, you nuke 1 he driver aware of the hatred
of his fellow students. Asl; him whether th" cat-
is his own. Ask him whether he worked tor the
money to buy it. Ask hlm whether he knows that
you punctured his tire.   Then leave,
One would think that gigantic corporations like
the I!.CIO. would encourage students to attend this
reactionary School for Vandals. Dirty Hal. hinnself
a. former member of the faculty, ought, to know-
how- the Millionaire^ lioys of the Board of (lovernors
control its teaching'.
The answer is the Socialist Bookshelf.
l-'or many vears this little oasis of progressive
thought has been the center of campus intellectual
activity. Dirty I ial is trying to make is iiwicco.ssih!,--.
What's more he's trying to frighten the studen's
who can .get lo the campus away from it. dust the
oilier day 1 followed a uiei*k young thing Into the
stacks, and watched her head for the socialist shell.
She Kepi ulaticina n- rvously over her shoulder, and
wh'-n I sneaked up behind her. she screamed.
Tip' poor ! hint- ohviounly thought I was one ot'
Dirty   Dai's   bov -
It will take 'ini" to convince people of the evils
of tiie privu'e ownership of trapsportati ep.. T-m
much pronaganda litis been fed the people. W'i.m
got last year's Academy Award" A Stre--'e. -
Named Desire. What Opera is more -popular * to",
any  oilier"  Cur-men.    And  so  it  goes.
Meanwhile    the    socialist    bookshelf    -tand-i    p.-
sorted,    while   frighteud   t-tudeius   huddle    ;p.    -'
cafeteria,   feeding   their   face   instead   of   their   tv.i'.u'.
witli produce oi dirty capitalist  fish-nior.uc<'-
K.erv   l-'pi.Li - -
Editor. The Peasant:
'Dear Sir,
As one who believes the capitalistic system out of date, tyrannical and oppressive, I feel I
must protest the building of an
international house upon this
campus.
This venture Is clearly yet another last ditch attempt by the
supporters of capitalism to preserve their dying mode of life.
But as the advocates of light and
reason (otherwise known «s
communism) well know these attempts must be resisted If we are
to have any freedom, any equality and justice In our society.
The university of B.C. has been
long famed for its support of and
belief iu the more sane and as
sensible, the logical and reasoned, the Just and progressive communistic way of life. It would,
therefore, be a cause of extreme
regret if the students allowed
the coiis.tniction of this house—
an obvious _step to consolidate
reactionary capitalism,
Students!
Earn immediate extra money
in your spare time. Simply
by  showing  our  illustrated
catalogue of men's low priced
shirts,  pants, sport Jackets,
raincoats, etc., to friends and
neighbours.    No  experience
required.
For free catalogue write
today Postal Station N,
Box 68, Montreal. .
DRAUGHTING
INSTRUMENTS
From $10.00
T-SQUARES, PROTRACTORS
SET SQUARES
MECHANICAL   ENGINEERS
AND
POIYPHASE  SLIOE   RULES
ZIPPER RING BOOKS
Complete with Shac-ts and Indei
AMES LETTERING
INSTRUMENTS
FOUNTAIN PENS
Clarke & Stuart
Co Ltd.
STATIONERS and PRINTERS
550 Seymour St. Vancouver, B.C.
ENJOY THE
PUBLICATIOHS
BOARD
NEXT SESSION
For these reasons I feel that
the student body en masse should
protest the very structure of the
international house organization
itself.
Yours truly,
FAIRPLAY
Editor, The Peasant:
Dear Comrade,
I have just returned from a
visit to your southern neighbor,
the United States, and I feel it
my duty to reveal to you the conditions existing  there.
The common working man la
treated like a dog by his filthy
capitalistic bosses. While ths
boss rides to work In a new limo-
sine his employee Is forced to
ride a streetcar because he doea
not get paid enough to afford a
new car. If he goes on strike for
more money the secret police is
called upon to stop it.
t'nder the communist system,
this could never happen. The rich
capitalist is removed and everyone has what lie •rants, therefore
there could never be any clash.
Another thing I didn't like waa
the pudicial system. It is too
lenient.
When a person is brought to
trial for a crime lie is sometimes
found not guilty, but in our great
Soviet I'nion it is quite different.
If a man Is tried for a crime ho
is always found guilty for. comrades, if he were innocent he
would never have been brought
to U'i'.il  iu the first place.
It is my opinion that this system will fall one day and all the
capitalistic tyrants will he eliminated. In its place- will arise
communism, the true father of
democracy.
HARIO  Cl.AIUXSKY
NOW AT A NEW
LOW PRICE!
PHILIP
MORRIS
the most pleasing
cigarette
you can smoke! Friday, March 27,1953
DAILY   FEASANT
Page 3
BRAVERY MEDAL AWARDED
TO BEAUTIFUL POLICE AGENT
Comrade Masha Amazonska, recently proclaimed second
in command of our open secret police, arrived today to receive
her 34th medal for bravery beyond the call of duty.
This artless peasant girl, nurtured as a crack sniper in her
little native village in the depths of the Caucasus, is a true
example of our brave, home-loving women of our new era.
Masha is a picture of healthful beauty from her short-
clipped brown hair and glistening teeth down to her high-top
boots. Looking slightly fatigued and undernourished after conducting purge trials in the wilderness, sturdy, 200-pound Masha
nevertheless carried four of the two hundred sacks of sod that
were dumped around the trees she had the honor to plant.
Manila first came to the alien- ^..^^^-^T^^^r^^
tlon of the Commissariat during , salcl witn disgust, "They have not
World War II when  she disposed   got wl.,lt lt takes to produce fine.
progeny     for     their
of several  hundred  derman 'soldi-   upstanding
ers.    "It   was   nothing,"   our   pure  country."
heroine modestly whispered while
describing details of her feats over
lunch,
Makeup, cheese calte, bah,'' she
continued.   "With them everything
I is  false.    America   is  the  land  of
i
ler visit to Berlin where the false front."    was    her    final
world-shattering' comment   on   the   world   situation.
During
she     discussed
events with ou,- beioved leaders,
Comrade Amazonska observed the
dissolute      western      civilization, I
In between her systematic purge
trials, Musha had had time to bear1
ten glorious children. "It was,
"Those weak bourgeois men could' nothing " she remarked. Her only
not hold their Vodka and the wo- j regrPt is that they consumed so
men never appeared to lie proper-, many valuable woman ho.urs per
ly clothed." I child.
COLLECTIVIZATION   COMES
TO REACTIOHARY FARMERS
By IVAN   IVANOVICH   PETROV
The organisation and advantage
of collectivization are becoming
more and more apparent to students of agriculture at the university.
Kxtenslve training In the intricacies of collectivized agriculture
is being given students, in order
that each Undent may one dav
assume managership of a 'kolkhoz.'
In the People's Democracy, there
is no room for those who tire not
workers, and students are quick
to affirm this. They realize that
private property in agriculture
leads to poor production, greed.
and oppression. I'nder collectivization, equal economic- rights are
granted to the people, with special
privileges to none.
Although   graduates   In   agricul-
HEW WEAPON
DEVELOPED
ture will not perform early morning chores, handle a fork in haying,
stook wheat during the harvest
clean out stables, or shovel manure, they have no special privileges. Kveryone works in the People's Democracy, with all carrying
an   equal   load.
The job ol the graduate agriculturist will be to direct the work
of the joyous peasauts and manage
the business of the kolkhoz. He
will work to abolish the presence
of Kulaks, as their presence de
stroys the equality of collectivisation, as well as usurping his own
managerial  status.
Agriculture     students     can     be
praised   for   their  generous   contribution   to   the  development   of  the
, People's    Democracy.      Their    un-
seliish  efforts   in  study   will  even-
tuall.v provide the state witli com-
I petent    directors    to    increase   the
; productivity of our happy peasants.
CAPITALISTS REFUSE
ISC REVEALED
AS BOURGEOIS
International House and International Students' Committee
were denounced as groups of "sullen bourgeosie", and accused
of  reactionary  and  counter-revolutionary  movements  in  a
I statement from The Party issued to The Peasant yesterday.
|        The Party's statement showed IHC and ISC to be "infected wilh
■ a  war-mongering, avaricious  array of  former  aristocrats,  bourgeosie,
i kulaks, and oppressors o fthe people, all of them bitter and frustrated
1 over the losa of the property and farms which they had ac-qiiired"durlng
the  Cznrist  regime,  and   which   have  since   been  returned   to   their
rlgWul owners, the people,"
Accusing many members of the club with attempts to regain their
unjust holdings, and obtain revenge -Worn the workers they had
previously robbed. The Party exposed meetings held by club members-
hustings in private homes—iit which they try to recruit additional
members In their evil rrtruggle to regain their privileged positions,
i "Filthy lies, and fantastic distortions" are abundant at theso
meetings, all aimed at the crippling of the Socialist State.
FBI BEAT DOCTOR
FOR  RUSSIA  TRIP
MASHA   AMAZONSKA,
heroic defender of the
peoples regime arrives at
Moscow to receive her decoration for bravery in the face
of the enemies of the people.
Masha is shown with the
weapon with which she annihilated several hundred
Saboteurs of the" people.
American capitalist - employed
Immigration officials denied entry
1 to the  I'.S.   to  Dr.  Denis   Lazure.
j      »
; past chairman of the National Fed-
: eration    of    Canadian   University
i students. ;
Reasons given were that Lazure
had attended /.in International
Union of Students' conference in
Prague In the interests of Canadian youth and was a saboteur of
ihe    People's    Republic ,
Officials   of   the   I'.S.   State   De-
- parimeut   said   that   I/azure   "was
i entering   the    I'.S.    lo   undermine
the   youth   of  America."
Lazure who was accompanied
by four student members of the
glorious NFC US, was taken into
a cellar room of the building and
beaten und tortured until lie was
forced to "confess" to crimes made
up by the officers of the dreaded
secret police known as the F.B.I.
Contrary to foreign policies between Canada and the U.S. the unfortunate doctor was held incommunicado for four days before being released, The times wvs, no
doubt, necessary for his bruises to
Ileal.
LENIN    TENET    BRINGS
FREE LOVE FOR FRATS
BY SCIENTIST  nfois scholarship
Our leading scientists were reported as having began research
on the Alaroiiowskovitch Snorckenforgel, in Moscow early Thursday. Snorckenforgel will be far
.superior to any weapon yet in use
in the World  today.
Named alter conn-ado Ataronow-
skovitch, Snorckenforgel will be
more devastating even than the
accidental capitalistic discovery
the atom bomb. Atom bomb sec-
crets, as is known to every loyal
and true part\ member, were
stolen at great expense to allied
lives, from our own scientists jusl
before the completion of the bomb
here   in   Uussia.
After   some   research  on   ihe   pro-
Drauiatlc proof of the discrimination against minority groups in
capitalistic countries was given,
recently when (loveriiment refused
lo grunt N'FCUS's bid lor scholarships, j
Action arises from recent
"scholarship plan" which Kedera-
lion had petitioned to the government  last  week.
Our reactionary Canadian (loveriiment refused to consider the
pin n.
Coincidently, a press release
from the glorious Soviet. Union,
progressive people's republics, has
announced plans to build gigantic
:', I storey. I a.pnii student univer-
.-ilv.
PARTY LASHES WHIG
FOR DALLOT FIXING
Angered student members of The
Party yesterday lushed out at the
sneaking tactics of Whig president
Dong Steinson nt a public meeting
at which Steinson attempted to
give exeuseo. for attempting to stuff
Mock  Parliament  ballot  boxes.
.Mass sorority, fraternity exchange recently held on this campus dramatically proves the truth
of Lenin's tenet Free love has
Inevitably come to these bourgeois
democracies, ushered iu by bold-
progressive actions on the part of
young,   freedom-loving  Canadians.
True zealous party doctrinarians
will remember how our great
leader outlined his theories of free
love In a speech in Leningrad on
ihe l'.'th anniversary of tiie heroic
death of Joe (Hot/., a freedom-lover
who was killed hy electrocution by
Our glorious revolutionary leader
c -j.plalned then by analogy that
free love would not mean promiscuity because "men would rather
drink from a clean glass Hum a
dirty one." *
Glorious campus-wide orgy at
this university proved this doctrine,
iu the library,  Brock Hail, the caf
everywhere   except    the   lecturo
in, lis dirty   glasses    sought    dirty
glasses, moderately soiled glasses
r-ouglil moderately soiled glasses,
spotless glasses sought spotless
glasses.
Students   laughed   and   jeered  at , :l  bourgeois burglar alarm.
Steinson's  feeble  efforts   to justify
i
his    treacherous   actions.    A   near-
riot   ensued   when   reactionary   So-'
ceils,    Tories,     and     CCFers     attempted  to suppress the objections
of --Indent  itu'tnler-i  of The  Party.-
The reactionaries, caught in a mob
hysteria, and screaming a slogan
of "Progress wilh Moderation", did
their utmost lo eject the indignant
Party members. A fierce defense
on tiie part of the indignants. however, soon repelled the attack, and
the meeting was allowed to coll-
t i:tUi-.
14   SABOTAGING   STUDENTS   CAUGHT
BY EVER-ALERT FREEDOM-LOVING MVD
Idem Alaroiiowskovitch told reporters ou Wednesday night thai
"There is no doubt that we will he
the first to discover this devastating weapon and we willi therefore,
iisi' il to preserw Ihe Soviet  Union       l-'oiirti en     if.ore    students    were   the  criminals   confessed   openly   of
and  dictate   peace   in   Korea   under arrested    la -t    week    for    acts    of   perpetrating   acts   which   seriously
our own   terms." sabotage       'gains!       Ihe      Peoples'    ,   . ,, ,-   ,,    ,,.   ,,,„   , ,
deierr   tiie   execution   ot   the   Presi-
lle also said  Unit  there has  been Democracv.
,      . ,    . , ,,,,-,       .-.-■ , ,    i       ilium's   l-'our   \ eaT-   Plan     They   ar
senic   word  ol   work   in  an  obscure        An  M.\.|). olticer discovered  the
•>   Canadian   unUei-ity   on   Snorc-keu- .ei.oteurs    parking    antes    in    the   uuiesced    to   the   thunderous   con-
t'orgel.     "Tlu'   usual     silly     Allied commissar's   lot.  and   impeding  the   cUmnalioii   of   the   comrade   judge
propaganda"    sputed    Marouowsko progress   of   the   peoples'   state   by   "lloads were not built  by our work-
vitch,   "   We.   as   always,   shall   be leaving autos about on the roads.        ep-     tor    the     idle    occupancy    of
the   first   aud   ue.-t.' Appearing   in   the   Peoples'  Court,   ai'os."
WEATHER DEVIATION
EXPOSES PUBLICITOR
Commissar of the State Publicity Department Bill .lohn. formerly known as Bill St. .lohn. was arrested Thursday for treasonable
activities against the Spate and the
socialist   order.
State Security officers made Unarrest after a morning broaden-!
which claimed that "a front of
wonderful weather was moving in
from the United Slates."
Officials of the Commissariat of
Internal Affairs deuiiouiiced St.
John's activities as deviationism.
"There can be no wonderful weather in a capitalist slate. Lenin
taught us that the capitalist era
must necessarily be a stormy period. As that great bard of socialism. Ivan Popi'vitch put. it. "the
sun sh ill not shiiie until socialism
'.'.as    tilled   the   hor'/ov. "
Photography for
Every Need
HUX JtovcLf
pOltTUAlTS,   Publicity
HOAIKS
OUUAXI/ATION'S
TIHKD  DIAIKNSIOXS
i-.i   colour
Ol'AQUKS
SPOUTS
Wi:i)i)i\(is
IVDOi.-itS
Ti ii-:- is
IfOltSKS
C'hii.ih;i-:.v. coi.m:
ACTION'
rkti'I'ciiim;
Etc.. i-:t( .
FAir. 8159L
r,52 Cambie St. Vane. 11> Page 4      ♦
DAILY   MAS ANT
Friday, March 27, 195\
We Win
erers
»i
Clobber Varsity
Glorious Heroes Get
Medals For Socialist
Work On Battlefield
By GOOD OLD JOE
People's Queen's University of Belfast clearly outclassed a team of decadent capitalistic youth from the University of Imperialist British Columbia and romped to
l{i-10 victory before 66,000 typically happy spectators in our
stadium yesterday.
The gloriously-trained proletariat*
ficniocracv.
Tho People's Awards Committee   Ut""  hi,d li,,1(, ,r',,,We '"  hpilUl,SJ      ,..,„   Kvl,ski()V   wa.   ,„.,,,,„„   n
...     , ',„„,„     ,,,    , -,,-      a prize example of North American       'x<l"   K>lHsMl"   »a„.raided   n
will  pin  over ,luo  1%  Hlock  Hero      ' _,   ,     ,    '        Lvi)11   ,|(M.()  M„dill  .utei.  ,he game
HEROIC COMMUNIST, Irish medical missionary Jack
Kyle, rejoices at party tea-dance sponsored by the Pin-Hell,
after the starving, bare-foot tourist smeared the petty
bourgeois British Columbia rugger team single-handedly.
The pro-communist crowd gave the hero's accolade to
Comrade Kyle, Ireland's International by constantly clapping their under-nourished hand bones together.—"Arise
Ye Sons of Slavery."
ATHLETIC   BRIBERY   TO
CORRUPT   B.C.   YOUTH
Another step in the dissipation and degeneration of the
capitalistic educational system can be seen with the announcement that the bourgeoise pasture ground, University of Imperialist British Columbia, will bribe the youth of their province
with financial awards for selling their bodies for the purpose
of amusing capitalistic dogs with animals displays of exuberance
on playing fields.
A typical capitalistic tool of Wall *
Medals on the ciuiveriiiK breasts of
under   .">n   representatives   of   our
youth in the one-sided contest. The
People's    representatives   "had    to   f:"'   M*   "M>loits   in   exposing   the
overcome      the      oliviouslv      Wall
condition   of   the   North   American
youth.
glorious  youth  from  the state uni-
versitv   this   Friday   nlKht   in   the   S^^'I   referee   to   win the
People's   Mildred   Hrock   Hall.           !RimM' ,,l,t  ",- H">,r"m" ,0>'aM-v *"" N°el, »'«^™"''"" '■  »  W™>
stamina of our Rl'iioiirt team was example ot well-ted collective farm
On hand to bear the youiiK heroes
no mutch for the sallow-dissipated   workers,   ran   roughshod   throng^
from  the   haiiqiiDttlns    hall    alter   .„„„.,.,.,„„„,.   „,,„.„,   ,„■   degenerate   the   materialistic-   minded   intellec-
tliey   have   collapsed     under     the   V()llth tual stuiiid.
welsht of their assorted Itig Hloi-ks   ' Tiu. rmiH«riiil 1st British Columbia
ind other medals, will be decadent.
AcciiMoiiicI to rich, sex-filled liv-
dous   were   ohvioiinly   used   to   re-
weakened  Kxcliaiige students from   ing.   the   bourgeois   university   had (.|injni:   iu   slii-fil'etl   dens   such   at
til.,  diversity ot  Uiitish Ccdunil.i'.-.   liltle  ,li.ii.ee  a.miilHt   ihe  perfectly. ,,,,„.,.    ,, ;|,,     ,)am.t,   ,.,„,,    huts   or
who   have   iengtliiuied    Iheir   stay   trained   young  udants   from   Queen- ,|it> sllo|,.s|,(,,,  |„  ,j„,  ,.,f
in tuir land of freedom.                       re.sky. Although  the  -oft  l'HC  team at-
All   these   young   athletes   have       The capitalistic- chi-eriim  section tempted   to   bribe   our   rcpresenta-
gladly   given   almost    their   entire   was   led   by   a   .jingoistic,   empire- Hvs with a typically North Anieri-
year    to    the   perfecting   of   tlieii    loitiim,'.   military-minded   hand  and mil  paity  after  the  bitter contest,
bodily condition so that they might   a t-aiuart of obviously doped up stu- the- loyal proletariat heroes resisted
serve the state better ill the years '■■ dents who led spectators in a  con-: the li-mpiation and remained faith-
to come.                                                    .diminution of our people's  glorious I'm!  io th,.  fatherland.
Street.   Professor   Robert   Osborne,
gleefullv   made   the   announcement
numbers are a fixed  to each  victim
so   spectators   know   who   is   being
thai   filthy   lucre   Would   be   <
to the oppressed young children of
the   slat,    to   play   barbaric   :lesh-
C(i:i!e-|s.
children will be taken prat-tie-
ail.-, out ot their cradles and forced
to Nar at each other in huge
I!.ilu.ill-like- arenas for the amuse
M'-op nf ..pilNtir specl'itoi-s who
c '..o\'.\ pay up to !_'"> ruble-; to watch
t' . you! a he -ai rifii-ed tor the
Cm ■',>.    of   I lie   al hlel ii  crazed   educa
to'
il'fcred   ''.irried  off to  the hospital.
The only truly proletariat -cultural activity at the university, the
Literary and Scientific Kxeciitive
is unmercifully persecuted by
witch-hunting athletic advocates
and will be virtually driven into
exile if the bleated capitalistic-
pigs of Ihe MAD have their way.
Comrade Andrew
Drives Peasants
•-   i    eaper    are    tile    lumrgeoisi;    lo
>'m    their   i hildrcii   niiilihited   thai, In   a.   typically   bourgeois   move.
I 'ion.-.-nil -     of     chrome plated,    a.-- I'l'.C's   a I hlel ie mad  •.idiniuistration
■. 11' > I \    line    lielroii    pnicluels   •are allliouilceil     loday     that     Professor
i   feed   to   the    inuoceiii    youth    i:' Jell'   Andrew,   a   muscle-lioiind   cul-
I   ■ >    agree     to     have     t hem sol ve- Hire hater,  would  take over a  chief
I 'ii-d    wilh    heavy    harnesses    and whip-cracker     on     the     oppressed
I      Mist   into   the  arena.     So   brutal People's        Tliiiliderbird        football
i-   ilu- iii-play  that  huge ideal i lying team.
Campus capers call for Coke
In tin- Spring, voung loll;s' lancv
lightly turns and turns aiul (urns.
Riylit now—re Ircsluiu nt s in order.
Tlu-v'll |i,i\c- a Coke.
7*
DRINK
Including
ftdeial foxM
VXokt"lt a r«g?»tor«f tradt-mark
C-17
COCA-COLA LTD.
■*£&,
saves
-theday^
NO   TIRESOME   WINDING —
Jmt pin curl m usual and apply
Bobbi. Wo wrong-way waves
or wrong place curli. No new
durmy curler* to fiddle with I
Hearts 5
^Aflame
>M -iA
n.
•  •   *  *   «   *   •*«*•••
3.
NO NfUTRAUZIR—Ju.trime
with clean water 45 minufet
after applying k tion. No fear
o' Iritiv, dinky curh from l#>fl-
or\ lotion I
■■*-£*
vV-'i
.    J%
I NO   RISITTtNG — Juil   bruih
. pin curli when dry.   Bobbi p*r-
• manenfi   your   moif   flottering
• hoir   ityle—teti, style», wavei
• olt al on* time I
^ 1(7
Hi
S*
:v
\
\-
{M
PIN CURL PERMANENT
Sets. Si>/.-.«. Ha,,i-ALL AT ONE TIME!
So fast, so familiar a method that giwog
voiirself a Hobhi takes just a few minutes
more than putting your pin curls up nt
night—yet your bail i*,/>c>>>/,/>ie>it/v \\ .ueil
in the style you want for weeks and
weeks! Hobhi gJM-s you a suit, casual,
ourefreecurlthat.sets.it a fingertip's touch.
\c> en,*.!' yon ili> it
yourself—
NO HELP
NEEDED! Friday, March 27,1953
HERALD    TRIBUNE
Page 3
REAL HOMEBODY
IN ACTUALITY
(RETURNS From LCCTURE TOUR
Enjoys American Way of Life
Over   European   Royalty;
Prefers the Kitchen
L Air*.   Beiil.ih   Huwklns-Cllft. enii-
| went American lecturer and International    hostess    admitted     that, i
true to the American tradition, she
j is "really a homebody nt heart."
Discarding her mink wrap for a
| casual apron (designed especially!
tor   her   by   Dion    Mrs.   Hawkins i
I offered    reporters    copies  of  her I
■ faned water cress sandwich re
clpe while she discussed the international   situation.   .
L The niuchpliotograplied Mrs.
Hawkins just returned from a lecture tour of South America and
admitted the situation there "Is
hot.''
_ One of the ten best-dressed wo-
men in America Airs. _ Hawkins
claims she seldom pays much attention to her appearance. With
the Innocence of the American
girl-next-door she admitted. "I even
have tons of freckles under my
make-up.
"I still enjoy my America and
^uy little home best of all," the international traveller told reporters. According to Heillah the
wonders of the Maharajah of
Aiuc-liniore's palace and the .nioun-
t«ln hide-out of the (Jraiul Duke
if Naustria did not appeal to her
so much is the checkered curtains
in the kitchen of her :bi room
cottage.
Although she is not a mother
herself, she adores children. "1
collect prize poodles myself," she
proudly said.
-fclt is rumored that the president
will nominate Airs. Hawkins for
ambassador to central Kuropean
country. Wrong-Hong. A tireless
campaign worker during the past
elections, Mrs. Hawkins stated
that she thought the president was
tlfe man for the presidency. "He
has a firm chin and shiny shoes,
both attributes of a dynamic man,''
she stated in answer to questions
concerning his policies, "lie just
can't  miss."
Mrs. Ila'i'kius or "Hubs" as she
likes to he known, claims her
knowledge of dinner-table protocol
is the basi- secret to her success
iu politic- "Of course Hawky
helped a lit tie,'' she Insisted iu reference to her quiet multi-millionaire   husbat.i.l.
Airs. Hawkins attributed rumors
il a  rift wirh her husband to   "Ked
fljuntffo CJwkqaA   $mk*
With  SuboMWR  (ktwtijbU
jAaiRAiwty fcxchanip  flsuwunaid
(h un-IA&C wt-C*wadicw
"Subtle and devious are the ways Communism entwines its poisonous tentacles around the roots which supply the life-blood or our great
democracy."
tern.itionally known Socialite
just returned from it world tour,
prove, she is actually a home-
loving American hou-ewlfe at
heart.
fifth column agents who are trying to undermine our country."
Mrs. Hawkins has faith in Senator
McCarthy. "The sooner lie wipes
them  out   the  better."
Questioned about the Russian
idea  of svomanhood.  she scoffed.
"The idea of those fat muscle-
women just appalls me. I'm often
too busy travelling on my lecture
tours to write- to hubby but I keep
up with my diet and beauty treatments and when lie meets i.<e ul
the airport witli flash bulbs going
off on ali -ides, I'm sure he appreciate- deHc-ate American womanhood."     -
The   (leeeptively-delii-ate    lecture/
is now leaving on a goodwill tour
to Afric t. where she hopes to explain' the value of American wo*
men   to   natives.
She laughed when asked if she'
had dream.- of inhabiting the
White House, "The America:-,
man em; do all right." she said.
"a- lo:u .is he has mi America::
wetn-'.'i  h-'hind  him
MOHEY REFUSED
8Y COMMISSION
Federal  Scholarships  Refused
To "Provincial University
On 'Logical' Grounds
Federal government officials announced today that their government has no Intention of Interfering with provincial education
rights in regards to the proposed
scholarship   plan   of   NFYTS.
Royal Commission, appointed
last '.May. released its findings today. Air. llotroks. well-known
business tycoon. Air. A. Soak, famous for his temperance reports,
ant'. Mr. John Kris by. prominent
archeologist. the members of the
Commission, announced that they
had reached what they believed
was "the logical conclusion..' They
wore not available for further
comment..
"Thr- government believes." said
i spokesman to reporters, "that
I'anada can only remain a truly
democratic country by being careful not to infringe on th-- rights of
others, even if they are minorities."
This was the opening line of a
fearless, objective report submitted by un-KBC activities investigator Geoff Pringle concerning a
recent mass exchange held by
campus  fraternities  and  sororities.
Screaming "dirty reds" and
foaming slightiy at the mouth,
1'rltigle explained to council at last
.Monday's meeting what had happened.
"Somebody—undoubtedly a red
—got the idea that our restrictions
on campus social life were a bit
silly."   the   investigator   stated.
So the fiats and sororities cooked up a mass exchange, lie continued, lie added. "The Interest
exhibited by the students In this
affair was tin-Canadian. un-CHC,
and  definitely non-academic."
Pringle asked council to grant
him powers of arrest and imprisonment without trial for tiie leaders
of this "disgusting demonstration."
When asked if this would be within the powers of tile constitution,
i'i ingle stated he "would be sure
only  to  arrest   guUty  people."
Investit.itor concluded his plea
by stating. "1 h inotistrations of this
sort a-e especially harmful at this
time when It is so necessary to
tighten controls t-> protect tiie
freedom   we  all  love."
CltpucjuliuM ShuknU foauva
Jhaininq Jo didTlatwnA (Omlih
AMS COMMITTEE
BEGINS INQUIRY
ABOUT NATIONALS
Preliminary Report Charges
Subversive Activities
In IHC and ISC
ISC EX-PHEXY MENTIONED
Meetings in Private Monies
Exposed as Attempts
For New Members
Council's subversive activities
investigation committee will
launch a full-scale Investigation
of members of International Stu
dents' Club and International
House.
In a preliminary report, tin
Committee has denounced the club
members as "I'n-Aniericaii," and
promises a complete survey ol
their past  and  present  activities
The report claimed the widespread presence of subversiy -j
activities among members of tic-?
clubs, and indicated that many
members have direct Communis-,
affiliations. "It is a known fac.
that many of these 'Internationals'
are Commies." the report state..1
•■\Vr intend to rid this land of fre--
doni from the plotting "-ind agit.
tion of these pinkos and socialists
who threaten our  way of life."
The report exposed meetings
held by club members in private
homes at which they widen th.--
party circle by the use of prop,
ganda talk-. pamphlets, a n '
"party  girls."
"Attack- on our great systen
of free enterprise are made by
treacherous addresses by lettis'.
speakers, who present lying, rosy
pie'ures of life in the enslaved
I nations behind the Iron Curtain.''
tiie  report  continued.
By   JOSEPH   AND   STEWART
ALSAPS
The opportunity of learning' tiie
technical and scientific Improvement provided by agriculture free
enterprise is offered to students
studying agriculture at the university.
Training in the complexities of
scientific breeding and selection,
modern harvesting, and soil con-
-ervatioii is obtained by these
students, who will one day put Into practice what they have learned
--but  on  their  own   farms.
Their  hard  work prior to  graduation   will   one   clay   i ontrlbute   to1
the   wealth    of     this     democratic;
nation,    raising    the    standard    of
living,   and   providing   food   for   all
•h-   individual-  who strive to make
this a better country in which to
live,  and  raise a  healthy family.
And they will have the opportunity of furthering their own ambitions, according to our democratic
principles. Tli">- know that it's no
sin to make a profit, and they will
work  to do so—-on  the  farm.
Scorning the admonishments of
socialists and others of theii ilk.
they will endeavor to produce more
and better goods, and their struggles will be rewarded. Working
and living under tlii-i philosophy.
thev will be the very embodiment
of  our   wav   of   life.
Individual   reference   was   mad-
to   former   ISS   president.   Hrlgglta.
Bala, who was accused of Comnii
nist   Party  membership, and  belle
treasonous    activity.      The    repiv. *.
stilted, "We have documents 111 our
possession   that   prove   Aiiss   Rail:
to   be  a  former  fascist   now  uncle"
Soviet   employ,   and   evidence   tha*.
she   is   a   member   of  an   intricate
spy   ring   that   is   threatening   otr*
democratic-    existence."
The committee promised actior..
"We are preparing questionaire-,
and any who refuse to aiiswc
them will be recognized as Con.
tnuiiist.-i and charg.Hl with plottitu
to   overthrow   the   government."
V".,l>
CANADA'S    FI I'l EST
CIGARETTE
Man is often told: "As far as religion Is con-
corned, stop chinking! Our church has all the
answers. There is no need tor \ou to think, just
believe!
Unicuri<ins broke this man.made command
over four hundred years ago. In the middle of the sixteenth
century, Michael Servecus challenged the trinicarian concept
of God in three persons. As u result, Calvin ordered him to
he humed at the stake.
Persecution, mental or physical, did not stop mankind
from questioning; these Unitarians Francis David, Joseph
i'riestle), Thomas ktftcrson. Charles Darwin, \X illiani Ellery
Chaniiing, Theodore Parker, Ralph Waldo 1-merson, all successfully challenged the orthodox position. Unitarians are
the scientists of religion the questioners, the examiners, the
seekers of truth. If vou have lost faith" in religion because
you Insnt on thinking for yourself you should know about
I'liiiarianisni.
The Unitarian Church Of  Vancouver
1550 West 10th Ave.
SUXDA YSERVICE -- 11 A.M. Page 4
HERALD    TRIBUNE
Friday, March 27, 1953
Herald
Tribune
ATHLETES GET
REAL MONEY-
SAYS OSBORNE
Professor Robert F. Osborne
showed why he l,s regarded as one
«.-. greatest progressive educa-
t*ii.-- in the world as he announced
today that the University of B.C.
has decided to recognise athletic
(scholarships in all sports.
In making the announcement, Os-
home told reporters, "We've had
enough of this wishy-washy play
ing around. UBC In going whole-
hog on athletic subsidization."
"From now ffn all promising high
school athletes will receive, board.
Toom. tuition, books, laundry, a
tutor, complete cheating papers
and the pick of the women's dorms.
Osborne said Dean Gage had
consented to convert the Arts
building into a shufflebo.ini arena
while the library would be torn
down to make way for a new volleyball gymnasium.
Joking and laughing jovially with
reporters, Osborne isaid. "Well as
T see it, it we're going to compete
with the American schools, we'll
have to use the same methods they
do.
"No use having your school
laughed at, is there? ... ha, ha, ha.
Yes sir, some people may not have
any pride in their school but I'm
determined to show those American team* that they can't push us
around. From now on we'll match
nay thing they have to offer."
"I>oes that mean Bnieks to promising football players?" a reporter
from the Times (Grand Forks)
asked.
"Hell, no," Osborne boomed, putting on a big cigar, ''we'll give
them Cadillacs or nothing at all.
Nothing cheap about l'HC , . .ha.
ha . . ."
With the announeeenint of the
new athletic policy, the Literary
nnd Scientific Executive, a roup
of "egheads" and Stevenson-like
Intellectuals, automatically passed
out of existence.
Scandal Stops Gift
Of Big Blocks To
Balding Athletes
Kobert Osborne, Director of the
l'HC School of Physical Kcliication
announced Thursday that no Hig I
i'.leck Awards would be granted
Ci is  year. j
This announcement was expected by many following the "Fur-;
Lined Athletic Supporter K\pose" !
.'as! week. It was disclosed last '
v, eek that top l'HC basketball:
stars had been accepting these ex-;
pensive, distinctive lype of athletic
supporters as payment for bribes ,
ti I brow a few of the final games
in the important Kindergarten
Series.
The l'HC hoop stars Involved
stated. "We didn't think it wrong
to accept these articles from these
strangers from Chicago, but it was
ii i. rent temptation, as they're so
(■ornfort able.
JlwndsihbihdA   JiqM   dtahd
finholy £dtput (fiu JcMitpWiA
Jwo QiLUiwnjahk fimcdly JikkA,
(bubwuA, lAn-ftuqbk filtvjA Mtod
Jo S**jR Osbaiabk VitioAy
By joe McCarthy
A hard, grim, machine like squad
of semi-prog from across the Iron
Curtain in Belfastia squeaked by
with a narrow 1910 over a courageous, fighting squad ot UBC Thund-
erbirds-ta a contest between East
and West In the stadium yesterday.
The foreigners, obviously trained cat the state's expense, were
clearly out-fought by the pink
cheeked lads from our school, but
won the game on a couple of questionable penalty kicks and by
using plays which should be investigated by the Committee on
Un-Rugby Affairs.
Desperately   trying   not   to  lose
l face, the team from the Communist
! dominated bloc were lucky to es-
j cape with a win as our boys, out-
manned, out-weighed, out-numbered but not out-fought, walked off
the field at halftime with a tremendous 10-6 lead to the acclaims
of the 40,01)0 pro-I'BC spectators.
The big, burly team from
Queenesky scored after six minutes when Dion Olassovitch raced
30 yards tor >a try. The typically
inconsistent foreigners missed tho
convert,
The clean-living UBC team dominated the play and out-tackled the
vlstlors, but were somehow stopped every time they tried to cross
the red-tinted goal line.
LUCKY TO ESCAPE the barbaric tactics ot the fanatical
Communist rugby players In yesterday's battle was William H.
Mullholland,   well   known   stock
broker and Brock hall oyster
holster. Mulholland is contemplating chasing the Committee of
Un-Ruggerlng Affairs on Jack
Kyle of the enemy who is charged
with using -unholy powers to beat
our innocent young Thunderbirds.
ANDREW TAKES
FOOTBALL JOB
Professor Jeff Andrew announced
today that he is resigning his position  as assistant to the president
! to take over as head football coach
ot the UBC football squad.
The announcement came as a
surprise after students had eagerly
waited months for the announcement of Jelly Andersen's successor.
Andersen regretfully left UBC to
take a position as head squash
coach at Brooklyn Polytechnic
School for Pregnant Children.
Andrew immediately announced
that his team would play nothing
but "guts football."
"Vou gotta hit 'em hard and you
gotta hit 'em low* and when they
get up you «otta hit 'em again,**
said ferocious Andrew, smearing
this" reporter with a side-body
block.
Andrew was All-South Coqultlam
tackle In 1638 when he played tor
Port Kelte Tornadoes.
E ATO N S ^S^ ywtocvtlfa
B. Woven Straw Shell, trimmed with pink lilacs. Complexion view veil     %J9A\
C. Beaded Pillbox, intone
yellow with white beaded
ornament. Veil      10*9S
A
Mill
A. New  York  Callot,  yellow
crochet  ribbon. 7*9S
...
i:
Wmfa Bonnd
You'll have all the heads in the Easter Parade turning
for an approving second glance. Flattering,
feminine bonnets that sing-out the praises of Spring and
you'll find just the "right one" for you in the wide
selection at EATON'S.
D. Coronation   Breton,   Navy
with  cpiill  feather  trim.
5.05
E. Eggshell Bonnet, pink with
blue    velvet    trim.      Swiss
straw   with   veil.      6«95
Millinery —  Second   Floor

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