UBC Publications

UBC Publications

UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Mar 28, 1952

Item Metadata

Download

Media
ubysseynews-1.0124205.pdf
Metadata
JSON: ubysseynews-1.0124205.json
JSON-LD: ubysseynews-1.0124205-ld.json
RDF/XML (Pretty): ubysseynews-1.0124205-rdf.xml
RDF/JSON: ubysseynews-1.0124205-rdf.json
Turtle: ubysseynews-1.0124205-turtle.txt
N-Triples: ubysseynews-1.0124205-rdf-ntriples.txt
Original Record: ubysseynews-1.0124205-source.json
Full Text
ubysseynews-1.0124205-fulltext.txt
Citation
ubysseynews-1.0124205.ris

Full Text

 READ ALL ABOUT
LES AFFAIRES
D ARMOUR
The
READ ALL ABOUT
LES AFFAIRES
D'ARMOUR
XXXIV
6 CENTS
VANCOUVER, B.C., FRIDAY, MARCH 28,1952
NOr
?t5
UBC REGI
Armour Asked
To Take Over
New Move By UBC Students
To  Unify Administration
By CORNELUUS A. GUGGENHE1MER
(Political Editor)
A petition asking Student Council to remove all Incumbent
student officers from office and, appoint Les Armour in their
stead, has been handed to AMS President Raghbir Basi.
The petition was signed by 5,554 students.
iHMMMMmMMi { The backers of this move claim
A\*_\_*mm A£!/YfeJJ£C "uu UI,C nee(,H a ,,n,,,ed "tudent
%U§\ ImmmemW'mflnmm       administration,  and  propose  that
ARMOUR CORPS
VANCOUVER — (8peclnl)—
Thlp newspaper was Just Informed by special wire from Ottawa that the name of the
UBC Armouries will be changed to the Let Armouries.
The Governor • General le
making a (flying trip to Vancouver to be present on this
greet occasion.
M
Armour he Riven full powers to
clean up the campus.
Reached hy telephone, Mr. 'Armour* told the Ubyssey that he has
no ambitions, political or otherwise
ARMOUR WILLING
"However,, 1 am willing to stand
for any office If drafted. 1 realise
the difficulties the student administration Is faced with and can see
the- need for the proposed changes." Mr. Armour declared.
"It drafted I shall accept the
nomination in all humbleness and
will effect such changes as aro
rccessary to rid this compile of all
rae Ui I elements.
"Within one year this campus
will he an unrecognisable place.   I
"I shall endeavour to stream-
line campus organisations. I will
amalgamate the COTC, OLU, CCP
and PGR."
Mr. Armour also expressed his
determination to serve another
term as editor-in-chief of the Ubys-
Sev,
"The  press  should serve as a
constructive critic of tha admtals*
tratumv Thir fH%s«trt etflter' efaef
U   n   foreigner,   and aa  attch, Is
hound to bring his foreign, un-
Canadian ideas to the pages, of the
Ubyssey,
BASI WILLING TO STEP DOWN
"Finally, I would like to ask you
to convey my thanks to the students for tbe confidence they hove
shown in me. I have often doubted
the good sense of modern college
students, but I see now that 1
have misjudged the Intelligence of
VBC students."
AMS President Raghblr Bqsi called tor an emergency meeting tor
tonight to discuss the best means
of relinquishing office.
Basi declared that he was more
ifhnn willing to step out of office
In the Interest of the student body
as a whole.
YASSUH
Armour
r/\.
ACTING   IN   ACCORD
with Les Armour's dictum,
"you hav? existence only
as I perceive you," this
popular '.'oed commented'
"I'm really living now!'
Toujours L'Armour
Cry Montrealers
By CUPP1 OTEA
MONTREAL - (CUP) — The
President' or the University of
Montreal lias requested that Mlt.
I.US ARMOUR accept the position
of Chancellor Emeritus of the University  of  Montreal.
Tbe campus newspaper welcomed this opportunity to show their
appreciation of all MR. ARMOUR
has done for them hy greeting
this announcement with a special
edition of tho paper. The headlines
rend       "Toujours l'Armour."
OTTAWA — (API — High command sources announced toda\
thai in honor of a great royalist
tbe COTC contingent on the URC
campus will hereafter be known
as  the  UHC  Armour Corps. «
ARMOUR DROPS 17 STORIES
GOVERNMENT FILES PROTEST
TORONTO—(CUP)—Official protest has been received from hij»h government officials because of Armour's
dropping 17 stories.
Armour was unavailable for comment at press time.
However, his secretary said that he would state his stand on
the mailer in an official release.
Armour is accused of dropping 17 stories in the waste-
basket.
ARMOUR, JAY COLLABORATE
THAT MAN (?) AGAIN?
Armour Thwarts Bank Robbery
An  armed  robbery on  the citm-   plating    protecting    the    cashier's j cry as he was being led away  by
RCMP constables.
"Armour   saved    the   day,''   de-
Supiised but pleased at tjij
honor granted him, Les Ivjjjjjjfc-'-
(jur become, l\f$ president jal
WUS by a lat^fe majority^
one vote.   . j '
>
There was great turmoil In-iflW'
polling lioths prevtofis to the elections as some of the voters wei'6
not able to determine the sex of
Iho  controverial   candidate.
When bis campaign dlrectrr pi#-
•ed pipers provingthat Armour
was neither animal nor vegetable
and utterly sexless, several of bis
friends (of both sexes) verified
Ihlh statement and consequently
\nnour became u legal candidate.
"Not only, shall I do iny best 16,
keep up with the efforts of TSpevt-
»iis WU8 presidents," eaM^t
mour wiggling bis hlp« at a male
council member," hut I will ex»
M'cd  their output.'' -^~
Film Critic
Quieted By
pus Rank of Montreal Branch was; cage.
lolled   when   four   heavily .armed J     -Armour  was   too  good   I'or  ns,"
rollers failed to blast the armour j one  of  the   bandits  was  heard   to
dared the bunk.cashier In an exclusive statement to the  Ubyssey.
NEW YORK —  fBURP) —
^yi tiWL^OmWW0* ***** ■*
Knowsmore has! not appeared In
New York's only home-owned
newspaper for some time.
lt Is rumoured that NON
and Bnramount were putting
the pressure on the newspaperF
because bis straight-forward ■
reviews were directly resppn- .
sible for the re-cent box-o'fflimf"
slump. ,;•
The Star, responsible source
es say, has suggested to Knowsmore that he leave the paper
I'or a short period. His columns
result In a drop of movie adkf;
vertlslng,
"Mr. Knowsmore," said Mr.
Criimbto, "might be badc*'"^"
Meanwhile Knowsmore could '■-.
not 1*> contacted at his Tijifiit"
I'hirl Apartment for CultnfftV--
Workers.
Mrs.  Knowsmore 8nld......hQW&£."
ever, that her husband wa» So
eased of being the -AffecT'catlike
of the recent decrease In reve
nues of the I'eople's Movie Industry. ;"•'
>;*
OPPOSING ELECTION of "dirty foreigner" Joe Schlesin-
ger (above, left and right) as Ufiyssey odiior-in-chief, 5554
students today reasserted  Iheir faith in "eloan-cut Cana-
—All photos by Salt Wussel assisted by Mon Reek
dian" Les Armour. No picture of. Armour was available
at press time. Students feared free-living foreigner might
stab them iu Uie back. Page 2
THE UBYSSEY
Friday, March 28, 1952
THE UBYSSEY
MEMBER CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRPJS
Authorised as seoond olsse mall by the Poet Office Dept. Ottawa. Stu-
iSSSSStae WJO per year (Included ia AMS fee*).. Itt1jmAmHp-
Sa 12 00 per year. Single copies five cents. Published throughoat the
University year by the gtudent Publications Board of the Alba Mater
SSSi UAlveretty ol! British Columbia. Editorial opinion, expresied
herein are those of the editorial staK of tho Ubyssoy, end not neeesiarly
• those of the Alipa Mater Society or of the University.
Offices in Brook Hall ^SMi™6™?*
Phene ALina 1624 P>one ^Lma m*
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF LES ARMOUR
Executive Editor-Allan Goldsmith, Managing Editor-Alex MwQilllvray
News Editor, V. Fred Edwards; City Editor, Mllo Ryan; CUP Editor,
Bheila Kearns; Women's Editor, Florence McNeil; Copy Editors. Jean
Smith; Director of Photography Bruce Jaffray; Senior Editors: Myra
Green, Elsie Qortoat, Joe Schleslnger;  Editorial Writers: Chuck Coon
Lettere tMhalldltor should be restricted to 160 words. The Ubyssey
reserves the right to cut. letter* and cannot guarantee to publish an
letters' received. * 	
Armour Charms Cafe Set
Let Us Pray
THE sudden developments on the campus today came as
« distinct—but not unpleasant—surprise
There *will be those who will term them a "coup" and
tuggest underhanded tactics—but; they will bo the unthinking
niinority so prevalent on this campus.
Actually, a careful Analysis of the situation will reveal,
that today's developments are the result of a long evolutionary process stemming from an ancient rot which has eaten
slowly into the bowels of the university.
Sooner or later the inherent corruption of administrative
officials had to become known. Sooner or later a courageous
and fearless individual had to take command.    '.
We may be thankful that such an individual has be#n
found.
We may look forward to powerful cultural developments,
to a more stimulating and less coercive educational system,
to a comfortable living for Mr. Armour.
We call upon all students to give Mr. Armour the fullest
possible support. Only a cad would attack him now. Only a
fool would, make his attacks public. Expulsion would await
him. —LES ARMOUR.
Armour Isn't Here
Long weeks of preparathn
and hard work, were climaxed
last night when a gay gathering of laughing boys and
girls from the various fraternities and sororities on the
campus, collected at the home
of Dr. Percy Smart-Alec for
th,eir annual "Educ&tlon-for-a ^
nickel" Evening.
The affair, which is held
every year at this time, ls usually held at the home of a
member of the Faculty.
Its purpose ls the auctioning
of old essays which professors
donate, for students unable to
write them themselves. This
worthy cause is encouraged by
the Registrar, who seat Miss
Agatha Rubberchest, convenor
of the affair, a telegram of
congratulations, which was
real aloud by Dr. Smart-Alec
at the beginning of the Evening.
,The auction was run in
"Chinese" style, and was organized by Miss Looloo Flar-
ingsklrt (star of "Slaughter on
4th Avenue" now running for
its 9th month' in the auditorium.)
Witty comments throughout
the evening were made by Mr.
Matthew Luftwaffe, President
of fhe Player's Club.)
After the auction, Mr. Leslie Armour, candidate for the
Inter Fraternity Council Presidency, served cocktails in his
car th the lady guests. The
young ladles said afterwards,
that the Idea was "just dad-
ling".
The evening was a great success, and as Miss Texas Houston well • known Caf Society
member said, "All the Interesting people were there."
fetter J to
the editor
NEW COUNCIL
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
... opposing ancient rot
PRESIDENT
fearless individual
MAD PRESIDENT
... for culture
TREASURER
.... with comfortable living
AS YOU LIKE IT
,W>^aS
ACADIA Camp students:
Pick your own punch line for this cartoon!
Samples:
'Does Armour study in here very often?'
'I thought all engineers were ugly'
'And my history prof said he never got time to read'
•Surely the UBC president could at least afford n haircut'
You too can look like an Arab's Armpit—try our easy 12 day
course ... ."
"Ron Foxall with whiskers!"
"He's lovely, he's engaged, he uses 40 Mule Team Borax."
"He's got the kind of hair my girl would love to run through
in her bare feet."
"Don't feel so sorry for him,—that's the Kinsey Report he's
reading."
"The LSE brought him here for nut-cracking concert."
"Well, I see they're finally giving football scholarships."
A NEW BLACK BRIEFCASE,
loose leaf book, and Chem 200
text, tost in Chem 200 lab Monday,
March 17 between 4 and 5 o'clock
Note3  valuable.   Phone  AL 2839L.
FOR SALE
I PAIR HEAD 'LIGHTS, CRUIg-
era, size 9, worn 1 day. Owner going to Arctic $20. Phone AL 0182L.
Also pair ski boots, size 7%C.
Good condition. Price $5
HMD M.O. SPORTS ROADSTER.
red, with heater. Any reasonable
offer considered. Phone T. Anderson.  PA   4662.
ECONOMICAL SUMMER transportation 194-9 BSA motorcycle 12o
CC; mechanically perfect, new
Urea and licence. Reasonable
North 120I5R3.
TUTORING
McOIlL flHADCATK M.A. degree
first and second year English. KE
77fi0L.
MCGILL GRADUATE M.A. Degree
First and second year English. KE
7760 L. «
TYPING
"THOROUGHNESS IN WORK Is
the true end of all education" . . .
We do good work. You'll be pleased with It. A. O. Robinson, 4180
W. llth Ave. AL 0915R.
MANUSCRIPTS OF ALL description typed expertly and promptly
at moderate rates. Short stories,
articles, book length novels, statistical and technical work. A. O.
Robinson, 4180 W. llth Ave., AL
091'SR.
ELOISfl STREET, NO. 7 DAL-
houBle Apts, AL 0655R. Typing,
essays, thesis, mlmeo, notes. A
specialty. We keep our deadline.
University area (rampus rates. *
WILL DO TYPING REASONABLE
Phone CH 72(*r> evgs.
TYPING MY EXPERIENCED grad-
mile, halt' block from UBC bus terminal, accurate nd reasonable. WM
W.   Nth,   AL  .'I242L.
■w—wmmmm
m~mm^mmftjm
Dear Sir:
Heavens tremble, dynasty* fall
But Armour relgneth ovar all.
Sublime,    inscrutable    revelation,
Has raised  him  to this high-
, est station.
Lord   jf  the  Kickapoos,
Protector  of  Sports,
Fraternity Kingpin.
Dean Mawdsley's Cohort.
Oh, Master,  Oh Potentate,
Please let lt be,
That oh the campus,
.Supreme you shall be.
•—- Vaughan Lyon, •
Armour Poet Laureate.
•mmm
mm
TAKE HOME
A BREATH of
SPRING
WW SOW
OppoiiU
lhe CAPITOL
lIMUMI   I H
\\%m%
mwmmmm
It likes You
STEWARDESS INTERVIEWS
will bo conducted by American
Airlines, Wed., April 9, from
9:00 A.M. to 3:30 P.M., at the
Personnel Office JJut M7. No
phone calls, please.
Requirements: Single; Age 21 to
28; height 6'2" to 67"; weight
120 lbs. max.; vision 20/60 mln.
uncorrected; education preferably college or high school graduate with extensive public contact business experience.
Salary: Starting at $210 per
month alter one month TRAINING AT COMPANY EX.
PENSB, periodic increases to $300.
AMERICAN AIRUHES**
«1
li
CASTLE JEWELERS
4660 W. 10th Ave. (Alio 762 OranviUe) ALma
3rd ANNIVERSARY SALE V% Off All Stock
We wish to thank our customers for their past patronage
and will continue to give the finest of service as we have
in the past.
Excluding Restricted Lines
as
immrn ab«ut
ALUMINUM and ITS ALLOYS
• Send for this helpful textbook ...
Wc have on hand a limited supply of
our "Handbook of Aluminum Alloys",
a complete textbook on aluminum, its
alloys and properties. Chapters cover:
Alloys; Ingot and Pig; Sheet and Plate;
Foil; Tubing; Extrusions; Wire; Rod
und Bar; Forging*; Castings—152
pages, convenient reference tables with
"lie-flat" binding. Hegarded all over
the world as an authoritative treatise
on Aluminum Alloys. Available to students of Canadian universities at 50
cents (tost paid. Postal note or money
order must accompany order.
Address: Department of Information
ALUMINUM COMPANY OP CANADA, LTD.
1700 Sun Life Bldg,, Montreal
$
■il
#      1
f\
In the average home, it costs only 54
a week to operate the vacuum cleaner* Friday, March 28, 1952
THE UBYSSEY
Page Three
PHIL RETIRES
v
4ND AjL THIS TQ.
Les Armour New UN Head
AMS Treasurer Phil Anderson, after penny pinching stu*
dent organizations all year was apprehended by Ubyssey
staffers at wild orgy in a local spot of ill fame. Confessing
after stern questioning, Anderson admitted that he had
planned the extravaganza shortly after assuming office a
year ago. The Ubyssey, in keeping with its policy in looking
after student interest assures its readers that Anderson will
immediately be retired from office.
Armour To Uplift
Girls . .. er Morals
ByKLAHOWYA
"I will do my best to uplift the morals of the girls at the
dorms," said Les Armour when Dean D. Mawdsley announced
that she believed he was the best man for the position ot
don ol womens' residences. 	
Emerging from behind as
iron curtain, Les Armour burst
into wild fits of laughter as UN
club ortemb^rs demanded he be
their ne*t president.
Claiming that he was a world
citizen as no country would admit
that he belonged to it,. UN ofttcials
felt that lt wars only fair that the
merry martyr became their new
prexy.
It was later proved that Armour
was not really a member ot the
starving proletariat bat a frustrated capitalist.
He accepted the UN poflltlon,
claimed opponents because ho
wanted to get control of the "UN
Digest." (
"It's a monopoly," shrieked enraged students when the plot was
disclosed.
"But I Just had to be editor nf
some papers next year," blubbeard
Armour as UN delegates ordered
him out of the country.
Armours Lav
Lectures
Slanted
Dr. John Leslie MoKinna Arm
our today delivered his first lecture as new Dean of the T41W Faculty. Fresh from his brilliant moral
crusade tb the Supreme Court,
where he appealed the decision
handed down last week acquitting
21 bookies, he spoke to a crowded
classroom on the subject, 'How
to prosecute bookmaklng conspire*
tors."
Several planted hecklers disrupted the solemn assembly with ats,
(•ligations that Dr. Artoour waa
being paid by a downtown dally to
slant his lectures and articles te
cover up the editor's giant book*
making enterprise in the Caf.
After Interviewing a huge crowc'
of candidates for the position,
Dean Mawdsley said that the .private dick who had been following
Armour for the past month said
that Armour's technique In Initiating the freshettes of tho dorms had
heen faulless.
Promising that his first unilor-
•aklng as don would be a lalfih
cpen house at tae tforms (to be
conducted for tv;c weeks) Armoi;:-.
with a dramatic gesture, threw all
the dorm keys Into Burrard Inle .
Referring to the shocking case
ot one family of cats Armour claimed that only rubi its would t>9
housed In the building henceforth.
"This will t.'ily !)•! a bo'i-e aw&y
ficm hon:?," remarked the a»vi
don. To Must:..'} his point he pinched tho cnerk of one i?irl In a
fatherly faVi on.
LES ARMOUR TO ORGANIIE .
NEW VARSITY BUS UNE
ARMOUR Stages Ltd." will replace'the obselete BCE
busses running into the UBC Main Mall. $
In a late evening statement to his campus newspaper,
Les Armour stated that "No cash fares will be accepted after
April 15. I intend to abolish completely the aged crocks now
sputtering around our campus. Modern rickshaws, manned by
a bridgade of my COTC kiddies and headed by Corporal Sherwood Lett, will provide a much faster and more efficient transportation system."
Early this morning, two of the banned busses were auctioned off to "Consolidated Eateries Ltd.," an Armour front
organization which intends to supply free lunches to. all
students supporting his current coup d'etat,
Bars, Beds
Bookworms
Ben if it-Les
Dr. Leslie Armour, announced
the appointment of a new Head
Librarian, The new librarian will
be Dr. Enfant D'Armour, 7 yer
o,ld sop of Dr. Armour, who is
returning to Vancouver from his
appointment as director of the Museum of Modern Art in New Yorik.
Some changes in the library s^aff
ar* expected as a result of the new
appointment.
Changes most likely to take place
will be as following:
1. In tttturfi all Hbarians over the',
a«e of Ave will be dismissed.
2. A uniform will be especially
de«teaed for all llbr*rlajis, uniform
will likely consist of purple satin
bnthiag suits. Since the uniform
will be a standaard else 12, no
librarian will be eligible for employment In the library unless the
suit ttte her.
3. A cocktail bar will be built
on the -3rd stack levels, to provide
aefreshoiests   for   students.
4. Milted dormitories for students
wishing io remain in the library
.overnight^will be built on,the 5th
stack lev«L
"AH pension schemes tor librarians now tn the employment of
the Library will be cancelled."
DRAUGHTING
INSTRUMENTS
SET SQUARES
T-SUARES, "PROTRACTORS
From $10.00
MECHANICAL  ENGINEERS
AND
POLYPHASE  SLIDE  RULES
AMES LETTERING
INSTRUMENTS
ZIPPER   RINO   BOOK8
Complete with Sheets and Index
Prom 12.09 »
FOUNTAIN  PENS
T&arke 4 Stuart
Co. Ltd.
STATIONERS  and   PRINTERS
5M Seymour St. Vancouver, 1.0,
'/N SALE AT
ALL NEWSSTANDS
STUDENTS
This Critic says you eUn'i
. read!
READ
"OUR ILLITERATE
SONS AND DAtH3H|imS'
A feature article by a former
prof feasor of English at £
Canadian University/He is
aghast at the apparent Inability of our young gene**-
tion to read their own
language'
CANADIAN
Horn*     Journal
Is this situation true?
If so, what is the answer?
C A M A DIA i-,"
HOMl    IOIIRN/.I
APTITUDE TESTING
Wondering about work or studies? Professional testing
and counseling will help.
Institute el Human Relations Ltd,
T3« Granvllhy Room 1, MArine S8SI
fmiiim-fmcy for Spn'wj.
4?
*
American Airlines
Stewardess Interviews
{HJS^JW"" ,w""w""""ili'!sjff|
If you are interested in a career in aviation as a stewardess,
having all expenses paid while in training, at a starting
salary of $210 with periodic increases, contact Mr. W. H.
Baker who will be conducting interviews at the Personnel
Office Hut M7 between 9.00 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. April 9,
1952. To be eligible for consideration, you must be single,
between 21 and 28 years of age, 5'2" to 5'7" in height
maximum weight of 130 pounds, and have vision not requiring the use of glasses.
Known throughout Canada
for accuracy and long service, Rideau watches are
made in Switzerland exclusive^ for Birks. Fitted
with 17-jewel movements.
n\\)tlra,w4t
lod/i Wofcft
ytl/ow com 2973
Gmtkmen'i Wotcll,
yellow com 47.50
BIRKS
JEWELLERS
VANCOUVER, B. C.
mMk\H4re*fedi      * f|f^<H
Willnof shrink/ "<fe/| I
6horM«ewe pullover^ 795 /|s^- J \
SfiorMeeve cardigan $8.95
-.**f»p€ right" out in jipfrMNV
collar I Wear fhe eofte«f weafe/ew.*
made -from pure C&hmere-tofthNl
lambstvool I Classic or dolman fleevet
NOW AT BET TER STORES EVE WIVHEREt
■Bm
*MriiB**»
• ••
THE CANADIAN BEVERAGE OF DISTINCTION
There's no better way to pitch a colossal wingdinger than getting thoroughy clobbered on good old fashioned Canadian Beer
or Ale. A tradition in most of Canada's more respected fam;
ilies, Canadian Beer is known from coast - to - coast as an
effective detergent for the combating of party-poop ing.
Girls love the no-bloat qualities of Canadian. Some say that
is a very successful agent for the promotion of a high birth
rate . . . And besides, It's Good, damn it.'
It's light airiness will bring music to your soul.
CANADIAN BEER IS A HELL OF A GOOD BEER.
(This advertisement is not displayed by the Liquor Control Board of the Government
uf British Columbia.) Page Four
THE UBYSSEY
Friday, March 28, 1952
SPORTS PAGE
EDITORS THIS EDITION—Edwards, Wharf, Watt, MacGillivray, Drinkwater, Hutchinson
Armour's Bares Upset
Bird Rugger Kiddies
~fc
The
Dung
Heap
By Brinslovnn Prentolski
It was like this.
With my eye .for a story
and my ear for a scoop, I
knew something was brewing. So I sneaked into the
head cubicle of the muscle-
tearing department of the
new gym and through bleary
eyes surveyed the situation.
Seated squarely fore and aft
behind his playwood dais sat
his lordship. Robbie spoke.
' "Well?" His piercing gaze
•weft thy athletic form, suddenly realizing he hadn't ordered
those stuffed mattresses,- and as
] checked to nee if 1 had remembered to wear my pquts, 1 girded up my lolni and also spoke.'
"Yes, thank*, and you?"
The Athletic Director suddenly realized who 1 wum. "How are
you, Scoop, wliat'll you have?"
"Paibst Blue Ribbon—uh h h,"
hurriedly he answered three
phone calls and signed eighteen
contracts.
"Flue," 1 stuttered.
By this time he had Interviewed four new managers and sold
his car.   -
'Looking for a story?" The
great man gauped between six
more phone calls, a quick lunch
und sixteen dictated letters.
"Yes," I whispered, as three
sporting goods salesman sold
Huddle hull' theli stores, the now
OranviUe bridge and the FBI
checked him for Un-American
Activities.
"What's on your mind?" Robbie muttered, us he picked his
teeth with a javelin, much to the
annoyance ol! an Inter-mural athlete attempting to throw It.
"i hear your managerial seluo
is breaking down," I ventured as'
Hobble   conferred    with    Parliament,   signed   to   play   for   the
Stainpeders   while  still  coachiu.?
tiie Yankees,' and belched.
*        *        *
"What Rave you that Idea?" He
wheezed  us  ho  blew  up eighty-
six   fool bulls,   punched   McUllli-
vray In  the nose and accepted
two new  suits, one from  Colorado   and   one   from   California.
Alt h h h those trips.
"I diino, I just saw six managers being guillotined by the
football coach."  I  shot  back.
At the mention of football all
work stopped. Hobble bowed, the
gym curtsied, and ull the windows rattled ■ > the tune of "Hail
UBC."
At this moment thirty of forty
team manager< rushed past the
drawbridge, tlio iron door, the
grilled gate, tiie ferocious bloodhounds and the dancing girls, and
broke into Robbie's emporium.
As be shot  them dead  hy sympathetically   rtcelved   their   last
statements.
Springer -A swimming pool
on the campus."
Forward "A new bladder-for
my remaining basketball."
Praslovki—"Hou't let them
turf Callister."
Puil Only Bird
To Crack The
Hides Of Cal.
Les Armour, A11-S o u!t h
Burnaby star of the California
Golden Bears, paced the visiting Callfornians to an 11-3
victory over the UBC Thunderbirds in the third game of
the World Cup Series yesterday in the stadium.
The gigantic G'4", 127 pound Armour made a complete shambles of
tha Tlitmtlerulrd forward line as
he crashed through for gains of
SO and 90 yards every time he got
his grimy little paws on the ball.
(lorgeous (leorgeous Pull was the
only UBC player to solve Armour's
defence. Phil got past Armour by
slugging him over the head with
Albert Latewelght and then, snapping his supporter with joy, romped over Mr a try from 35 yards
out early in the second. Inning.
Armour who Is also nn AUSouth-
em Slobovla *mushball player in
spired his teammatea with a
stream of pinkish editorials and
threw invectives and epitaphs in
the face of the Thunderbird players as they vainly tried to stop his
rushes.
Armour was penalized several
times for unnecessary roughness of
the adjectives and unlimited use
of the double negative but, relying
on his superior stamina, and recklessly tuklng swigs from a bottle
of vanilla extract, he laid everything before him—players, spectators, goalposts and women.
Penn Romps Off
With Lovely Loot
Police headquarters in four^ovinces end 18 states were
alerted today to be on the lookout for one of the most hardened
criminals ever to roam this continent.
Dangerous   Dick   Penn  escaped * — ——
yesterday with $357,000 belonging
to the Athletic Dept., five basketballs and Marjorie Miller. He ls believed to be headed for the Mexican border.
Penn is described as "desperate" and Is armed with three bazookas, a machine gun aud Miss
Miller.
The escape came after Penn was
locked up In the Ubyssey office for
going around babbling something
about ills Jayvees going to the
Olympics as Canada's mushball
representatives.
J. Edgar Robinett and Fearless
Fosdlck Osborne arrested the berserk Penn and charged him with
plotting for the overthrowal of the
Athletic Dept. by force.
When Penn escaped from the
Ubyssey office by beating the
members of the sports dept over
the head with the Inert body of
Jan Crafter he rushed to the gym
singing his theme song "tang Live
the Jayvees" and stabbed Robinett
and Osborne to death with one of
Miss Miller's bobby pins.
He rushed out of the gym with
the $357,000 hidden In his girdle
bouncing the basketballs and
M,iss Miller ln his hip pocket.
The bandit was last seen headed
fer the Georgia Hotel on a stolen
trycycle, license number PU 24038.
STAR OUT
Soccer manager Peter Prasloski
was n sad man when contacted by
the sports department yesterday afternoon.
He was worried because his star
cefller forward Les Armour has
been sidelined with an ankle injury.
Ue» Injured his ankle while running after the copy editor yesterday morning. '
»«
Armour from his spot as A.D.'
announced today that in accordance with his consistent
policy—Joe Sclump the worlds
tallest midget 7'9",—and ex-
Globe-Trotter will enroll at
UBC next ycar to help Pom-
frets Peasants.
Run To Jawhn
Gives Whyte Job
By HUGO (I don't want to)
Running for the women's  badminton club because  the
facilities of the mens' washroom were out of order Bill Whyte
rugger star gained but another position on campus organizations.
StrlnRlng the badminton club ia
LEARN TO DANCf
•    QUICKLY
t    EASILY
•    PRIVATELY
3 Lesions 16.00-10 Lesions $10.00
Frances Murphy
Donee School
Alma Hall      3079 W. irosdwt)
OE. 8878 — IA Mil
cket, the new prexy admitted "that
when you gotta go, you gotta go."
"It Is Ironic that the Brock facilities   wouldn't   flush   while   ours
Athletic Wheel
Hates Pushover
i
Les Armour, newly appointed Athletic Wheel on the Point
Gray greensward, today deplored the pitiful ease with the University's piunderbirds trample their Evergteen Conference
opponents.
Stating emphatically that a
change must be made, the tall
muscular, 210 pounder said "Our
beloved American football team
has been competing against In-
lants. There is no chance for
Jelly's boys to become All-Slob-
bovlan without, tougher teams'to
play."
i in accordance with the new nth-
i letlc policy, liifl keen sportsman lias
i released ,nex.t years football sche-
; dule to Ihe I byssey, with com-
| ments.
Sept. ii!)--Miisa.  Institute or Technology.
(mem   brain   men)
Oct.  li—St. 'Agnes Convent-Puddle-
home, Idaho.
(Puil should shine here)
Oct.    IM --Pinkie    Pirates,    Pink,t°
Sask.
(Population 11)
Oct. L'ti    Homecomeing.  Hy sped t!
rosiest    or    retiring    MAI),    Ml!
Sparling.
The Mrds Wilte on an All-American Team composed or the Editors
of Vogue, Mcidemolselle, and Stev-
euteen.
(Not lo many passes, Murphy)
Oct. 27—Kitsaiano High Schol.
(Shudder, a toughle)
Nov. 4—-Crofton House School For
Voting Ladles.
(This should be a lay-down)
N'oy. 11—Armistice Day.
Moscow School of Philosophy USSR (Armour shall strip for this one
would,'' claimed a badminton club
member shaking his fist at Whyte.
According to tbe badminton point
system Whyte would go a long
way ln the club. "His head will
get him far," groaned one Armour
supporter.
g:B
THE NEW UBC 10K GOLD RINGS —
are now being manufactured and will be available for
delivery in May. These smart new designs have been approved by the Alma Mater Society and will forever remind
you of the Happy Years at Varsity.
ORDER YOURS TODAY
JEWELLERS
GranviUe at Georgia
MA. 6211
Chancellor  Lett
Threatened
With Loss Of Jcb
Prentice "Flood     the     Field       Chancellor fcV.nrwond Lett. Clniiv
House  for a  hockey rink." man  of  the   Hoard  Of  (iovernors,
Swiftly I scribbled notes and i was threatened with the loss of
as Itobble torn all the new teayi j |,|< j„i, today, when informed sour-
budgets to slm-ds, refused eciulp- ! et>s told a Ubyssey reporter that
mem  requests, and  drove off in     ; • |i(.s Armour Is liable to take ovei
his new MAP Cadillac, Main at
Hie wheel and Uisztig on the
spare, he was hoard to mutter,
"Our miinagertu' setup at UB(.'?
Kino, never boher, we'll carry on
with thu saint system next yuar.
the I'uiversity within the next  lew
months."
"We'll   all   be   forced   to   resign."
Ihe    chairman    said.    "Armour    i-
fully capable of handling the whole
I administrative   joh   himself."
University Bookstore Announcement
On Buy-Back Policies
1. Books will be purchased at a figure of 65 per cent of thc list price, less a fair discount if the are unreasonable
damaged. Discount will be passed on to thc purchaser.
2. Books will he resold at 12'a per cent off, i.e. nt 14 per cent on the actual price paid to the student.
II.   Books will be purchased up to 100 per cent of the anticipated requirement I'or the 1952-5:1 session. No books will
be purchased in an obsolete edition, or one that has been discontinued.
4. Buy-back period will rim from April 15th to June 15th.
i
5. Arrangements for handling books during thc registration period and the first Iwo weeks of llie term are:
(a) All books, new and used for all Faculties, will be sold in thc
Armories. Students will he routed through the used hook sec I inn
first.
(h) All stationery, Engineering, and general supplies will he sold in
thc Bookstore.

Cite

Citation Scheme:

        

Citations by CSL (citeproc-js)

Usage Statistics

Share

Embed

Customize your widget with the following options, then copy and paste the code below into the HTML of your page to embed this item in your website.
                        
                            <div id="ubcOpenCollectionsWidgetDisplay">
                            <script id="ubcOpenCollectionsWidget"
                            src="{[{embed.src}]}"
                            data-item="{[{embed.item}]}"
                            data-collection="{[{embed.collection}]}"
                            data-metadata="{[{embed.showMetadata}]}"
                            data-width="{[{embed.width}]}"
                            async >
                            </script>
                            </div>
                        
                    
IIIF logo Our image viewer uses the IIIF 2.0 standard. To load this item in other compatible viewers, use this url:
https://iiif.library.ubc.ca/presentation/cdm.ubysseynews.1-0124205/manifest

Comment

Related Items