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The Ubyssey Oct 29, 1940

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 ACROSS CANADA
With
Canadian University Press
McGiil  Co-Eds  Receive
Compulsory  Training
FOUR HOURS  WEEKLY
MONTREAL, OCT. 21 .C.U.P.) — "A magnificent oppor
tunity is facing you," said Principal Cyril James as he outlined a plan for compulsory women's training to a mass meet
ing of women students today,
next week.
"Men have immediate work," the   <
principal     continued,     "but      the
work   of   maintaining   the   quality
of society, of facing domestic problems, of having minds of your own
and   of    being   aware   of   political
issues — that job  Is yours."
"As  war  becomes  more  serious and
man   powvr   becomes   more   efficiently
organized,  you will be  called upon to
take part in tasks outside the pale of
women's   usual   activities."
FOUR HOURS WEEKLY
This war program, devised by the
Committee on the War Service Program for Women, of which Dr. Muriel Roscoe .Warden of R.V.C.. ia
chairman, includes training for fitness
for two hours a week, courses in flrst
aid and home nursing for two more
hours a week. This is compulsory
for all women students, except those
physically   unfit.
Training   for   fitness,    and   preparation   for  the   emergencies  of   war   are
considered   by   tho   Committee   to   be
the   two   main   requirements   towards
rendering   the   most   effective   service.
All   women   will   accordingly,   unless
specially exempt  on medical  grounds,
be     divided     into     nine     groups     for
physical   training,   and   will   undergo
basic training in drill and gymnastics.
Besides    physical   training,    the
program Includes courses In First
Aid and In Home Nursing, which
will be given to groups of 30, and
will require two hours per week.
Certificates of the St. John's Ambulance Association will be given
to those who complete them successfully, and lecturea on personal
and   community   health,   and   the
relation of these to the actual war
situations  will   form   an  Intregral
part of these lectures.
Co-Ed Training At
Manitoba University
WINNIPEG. Man. (C.U.P.) — University of Manitoba co-eds may take
a maximum of four hours of training
weekly in emergency war work under a programme outlined by Dr.
Hood recently. Regard-ad as being
highly practical, the programme includes training in Auto Mechanics:
First Aid; Home Nursing; Large
Qtiantity Cookery and Canteen Service; Money Management; Occupational Therapy; Farm Aid; and Conservation of Clothing and Household
Furnl .hings. Each course requires
two hours study per week. In addition the co-eds may take two hours
per   week    in   physical   training.
The plan is to go into operation
Students   Burn
War   Stamps
A*t  Toronto
TORONTO, Oct. 25 (C.U.P.)
— In a five-minute ceremony,
dramatic in its simplicity, President H. J. Cody, tonight, fired
$250 worth of war savings
stamps during a brief intermission in the dancing in the
Great Hall of Hart House to
make the annual University
Fall Dance a definite contribution to the Dominion Government.
Referring to tlie occasion as an
historic one which showed "the
eagerness of each of tho 2.000 students
present to assist in th. cause." the
President, using a kerosene-soaked
copy of The Varsity as a torch,
touched off the blaze. A small group
of students looked on while tho flam-es
crept around the special wire container in which the stamps had been
placed and In a few minutes the
stamp-bearing counterfoils of the
1.000 tickets which students had
bought less than 48 hours after they
went on sale were completely destroyed.
J. R. Gilley, acting-warden of Hart
House, said in an interview later
that the rapid sale of the tickets and
the economy displayed by the sponsors of the dance should be an Indication to the public that University
students could support Canada's effort without seriously curtailing their
enter ta 1 nmen t.
One Thousand Take
Military Training
At Saskatchewan
McGiil Club Fears
Police Intervention;
Adjourns Abruptly
MONTREAL, P.Q.. C.U.P. (Oct. 25.
1940)—Fears that th-e presence of
police would interfere with speeches
and discussions on "Is Conscription of
Wealth and Manpower Desirable?''
forced the president of th-e Political
Economy Club at McGiil University
to adjourn the meeting abruptly.
Neither of the proposed speakers appeared  ot   th-e   meeting.
The cause of the adjournment was
contained in a statement read to the
meeting by the president after consultation with the executive. The
statement, which appears in the minutes of the Political Economy Cluh
in tho form of a motion, is not available for publication at the present
lime.
SASKATOON (C.U.P.) — Approximately 1,100 men are now taking military training at the University of
Saskatchewan, according to Lt.-Col. R.
A. Spencer, M.C, officer commanding
the C.O.T.C. and its Auxiliary Battalion.
Commencement of training was delayed somewhat due to the difficulties in finding times for parades and
lectures which would not Interfcro
with student activity. Students have
been co-operating in every way, says
i Colonel   Spencer.
An increose of the C.O.T.C. group
from 393 to 513 men is expected. Seven
hundred and forty are taking the compulsory course. Non-commissioned
officers, cadets and students in the
auxiliary battalion oil have their allotted tlmo for drill, physical training,
weapon training, and lectures. Company commanders ore men who served
overseas  during  the  last  war.
PUBLISHED TWICE WEEKLY BY THE PUBLICATIONS BOARD OF THE UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
I VOL. XXIII.
VANCOUVER, B. C, TUESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1940
No. 11
DOLLAR DOWN
TOTEM   WEEK
STARTS   NOW
The Totem has been judged
the best book of any university in Canada, but it isn't getting a swelled head about it.
The book still costs only three
dollars—one dollar down and the
other two when the book comes out.
However, in order to receive a copy,
students MUST pay their dollar now,
as  no   extra   copies   will   be   printed.
"Where else can you put three dollars and g\ t four dollars' worth
hack?" is the cry of Totem workers,
as they launch their 1940-41 campaign for subscriptions. Most .students do not seem to realize that thoy
are gettin-' more than their money's
worth wh-.n they buy a Totem, but
it's absolutely true. Each Totem
costs four dollars to print, and students can buy thorn for three dollars
apiece.
Smart, up-to-the-minute students
will toss a dollar into tho Totem fund
NOW, ond receive a copy of Canada's best year  book  in tho spring.
Singing   Duet
Pass Feature
On  NX/ednesday
Wednesday noon will herald
the first of the musical concerts
under the student pass system.
Students  of   this   University   are
to   have   thc  privilege  of   hearing
two   singers,   who   have   attained
near  perfection  In  two  part  singing.
The singers will be Miss Viola Morris and Miss Victoria Anderson, both
cf London. Hard work has made them
as near perfect as is possible in a
field   almost,   unknown   today.
Success after success has followed
them throughout their tours in widely separated parts of tho world, and
moro recently at the University o£
Washington and in Victoria where
they   were   given   much   praise.
Thc only other person to appear
on tho program is tho accompanist.
Miss Norma Averncthy of Vancouver, who has accompanied Miss Morris and Miss Anderson on their engagements  in   the  Northwest.
DEGREES CONFERRED
ARTSMEN REVITALIZE
AMUS Wins Drive
For Regular Mixer
Dances In Brock
"Swing your partner round the
room—Swing her here, swing her
there—Swing the girl with the curly
hair—Swing your partner round the
room—"
These are the words that will
echo and re-echo through Brock
Hall on the night of November 2,
when the first mixer of the year
will be held. Mixers, long advocated by the Ubyssey, have now
become a reality and will be held
every other Saturday.
REALLY MIX
Not just a dance, but a real mixer,
the event Is destined to be a success.
Sid Poulton's Varsity Orchestra will
provide the music, and stud-ents
themselves will   provide the  fun.
Sandy Nash, president of the A.M.
U.S., announces that there will be a
pep meeting on the Friday before
the mixer. A big turnout is hoped
for at both the pep meeting and the
mixer.
Further details will be found in
next week' Ubyssey. The price, already announced, is twenty-flve cents
per   person.
C.C.F. Leads Parties
In Saskatchewan Poll
SASKATOON, Sask. (C.U.P.)—The
C.C.F. party came flrst In a recent
straw election vote conducted by the
Parliamentary Forum of the Unul-
versity of Saskatchewan. Out of o
total of 70 seats the C.C.F. gained
29. Liberals 22. Conservatives 8, and
Independents 5. Six seats are deferred. Only one third of the students attending the University voted.
'MacDonald' Most Common
Name  Directory Reveals
By MARGARET REID
Flash! MacDonalds nose out Thompsons with tight score
of 19—18 as most common name on the campus. This is the
first year the Thompsons have appeared in the upper brackets.
Browns and Smiths were runners-up, while the Jones boys
presented a trifling total of four.
and ARCHDEKIN.    BOSS is probably
a   BUDDing   executive,   while   WORKMAN   should   make   a   pretty   PENNY.
Now  that  winter Is coming,  the
ROHINS,   SPARROWS,   and   PID-
GEONS nre SOUTHING, hut we'll
drag   out   our   STURDY   SLEIGH
antl  hravc the  Ice and SNOW.
By    tile    way,    girls,    if   yeu    are    (he
COY   type,   there   is   a   sugar-dad—ci\
SUG/.RMAN   on   the   campus.
Wo   he;#   thoy   found   a   TROUT   in
< Please   (urn   to   Paw   .'? >
Four   people   hnve   identical   name
so  be  sure  to   get  the  right  combination  of  phone  number  and   girl.   boys.
In    faet,    we   even   havo   two   Herbert
S.   Smiths.
OGILVIE OATES.  WIENER nnd
BACON   are  available   almost   any
day In the caf.    Thoy make a nice
combliintlon,  too.
UP. C. boasts a LARGE --roup of
"■hiuihl-ho theological .students this
year, .iiule.ii-e; by tho presence of a
CROSS.  CHURCH.   PARISH.   BISHOP
'Pit9 Is McGiil
Equivalent
Of UBC 'Co/'
The "Pit", McGill's equivalent of
U.B.C.'s cafeteria, is smaller, dirtier,
and noisier than the Caf. Sorority
and fraternity tables are unheard of,
and girls never sit by themselves or
with other girls. This is the news
brought to the Ubyssey by Lloyd
Williams, exchange student from
McGiil.
Acording to Lloyd, to take one's
lunch to university "just isn't clon-o"
back East. Students either go homo
at noon or buy their lunches in a
restaurant or the "Pit", which he
classes as "a pick-up joint". Lloyd
does not like bringing his lunch
every   morning.
BOYS   NEGLECTED
The girls here, h. complained, concentrate too much on each other, and
not enough on the boys. McGiil girls
never sit by themselves in the "Pit",
as   they   clo   here   In  the  Caf,
When asked about clubs at McGiil,
he said one great difference is that
there it is not necessary to "try out"
to join such clubs as the Players'
Club, Musical Society, and Outdoor's
Club.
Lloyd agrees with Joan Edwards,
also    on   exchange    from    McGiil,
that  students  take  lite more seriously  here.    Ke -was   surprised  to
hear   that  many   girls   as   well   as
men    work    their    way     through
Varsity.    He attributed this to the
fact   that  It   Is   easier   to  get   work
hero than In the East.
More    men    students     from     McGiil
have    joined    the     army     than     from
U.B.C.   but   in   other   ways   McGiil    i.s
not    cloinq;    any    did'-, rent    war    work
than   U.B.C.
On     (ho     ecntraversial     subject     of
Anoc   Micks,    Lloyd    thinks   they    look
alright    on   tlio    ris;ht   person,    but    ho
says    thoy    went    out      of      vogue     at
McGiil   a   year   ago.
Blue Arts Sweaters
Rival Science Red
To Brighten Campus
Y-E-A-H   A-R-T-S   !   !   !
The Arts class Is undergoing a re-
vitalizatlon process. The outward In
dlcatlon of this pep-up dt-ive is tlie
new Arts sweaters, to be made ln
Varsity  colours.
They will have a zipper down the
front, two pockets, and "Arts" and
the  year on  the left hand side.
These sweaters can bv> ordered from
the A.M.S. offlce and MUST be paid
for when ordered. Mr. Horn will
take measurements to ensure a .perfect   flt.
To facilitate the colassal i*- vitaliz-
atlon drive and to help publicize
the sweaters, th-o Mamooks will advertize tlie sweaters. Artsmen are
still campaigning for peppy yells In
order to compete with the aggressive
sciencemen. So buy your sweater
now and show that varsity Spirit.
*    •    *    *
A.M.U.S. Mixer tickets will be on
sale in the Quad on Wednesday at
noon. The price is twenty-flve cents
each.
Stirring  Congregation
Ceremonies  NX^ednesday
The ceremony of the autumn congregation for the conferring of degrees will be held in the Auditorium on Wednesday, October 30. This year marks the fourteenth ceremony of
its kind at the University, and is very impressive, with the
Faculty in their black gowns and vari-coloured hoods.
■•-       After  an   address  by  thc  Chancellor of thc University, President
Elusive Little Chap
Periodical Room
Vanishes; Turns
Up Downstairs
If you are one of the industrious few whose knowledge of
periodicals is not limited to Esquire perhaps you are wondering why you cannot find your
favorite publication in its old
familiar haunt.
The reason Is that the Periodical
Room just  Isn't there any more.
The magazines and periodicals have
found a new home ln the spacious
room on the main floor across from
Dr. Kays Lamb's office. The result is
that this space, till rec-intly the scene
of the last stand of peace and quiet
in the Library has acquired that same
studious air which predominated in
tha main reading room.
The former Periodical room is by
way of becoming a general reading
room and dramatic section. A long-
table extending the length of the
room will  divide lt Into two sections.
One aspect of the change thus
brought about was noted by an
English professor who remarked that
this lofty spot In the Library had
now become "the noisiest part of a
noisy   Institution."
Appreciation
The Editor.
The  Ubyssey.
Dear   Sir:
I should like to use your columns
to express my appreciation for all ths-
co-operation I received during tho
Homecoming   celebrations.
The work of the organizations and
individuals: concerned. which was
1 ivon so willingly and clvscrfully,
was tho chief reason for the .success
of   tlio   Hoiiiecomin.-.
CHARLES   NASH,
Chairman   Homecoming   Committee.
WEDNESDAY'S
CEREMONY
IS  UNIQUE
"U.B.C.'s congregation ceremony is
unique on this continent," Dr. Todd
told the Ubyssey today as he described the 14th Autumn Congregation to be held in the Auditorium,
Wednesday,   October   30.
Invitations to the ceremony have
been mailed to members of the fall
graduation class and also to those
undergrads who exp-ect to take a
degree In the spring, but reservations
for the invitees will be hold only
until about five minutes before the
exercises begin, when any undergrads who are Interested will be admitted to the remaining seats without invitations.
STRIKING CONTRAST
"U.B.C. congregation presents a
striking contrast to the ceremony at
Harvard when I graduated," added
Dr. Todd. "There was no congregation address to the students, no capping ceremony, no presentation of
diplomas, all of which lend so much
colour to the graduating exercises of
this  campus."
"An unintelligible Latin address
welcomed th-a class, followed by
speeches from several of the graduating students, and that was that.
Students called for their caps and
diplomas   at   the   post-office."
NOTICE
All  lectures  and  laboratories
will be cancelled from 2:25 p.m.,
on Wednesday, October 30.
<* <h^& /e-t.:_^,_..__^'
President.
Kllnck will present the honorary
degree of L.L.D. to Archbishop
dcPenclcr, who will then give the
Congregational   Address.
The degrees will be conferred in
general to the candidates and then
separately as the Dean of the Faculty
of Arts and Science calls their names.
"I ADMIT YOU"
On reaching the platform, the recipient kneels before the Chancellor,
and is tapped on tl*e head with hl3
cap, the Chancellor at the same time
declaring "I admit you". He then receives his hood from the President
and his diploma from the Registrar.
Students of the Senior Class have
been Invited, but any students of
other years will be admitted after
2:40 p.m. The 2:30 lectures will be
cancelled to give students a chance
to   witness   the   Ceremony.
Seventy-four     students     from     the
Faculties   of   Arts   and   Science   Commerce, Applied Science,  and Agriculture will receive degrees. Six of these
are   receiving  their   Majesty's   degree.
Owing to the convocation ceremony, Wednesday, C.O.T.C. afternoon   lectures   will   be   canceUed.
Noon  and evening lectures, however, will continue as usual.
FOR FALL CONGREGATION
Arts And Science
August October Total
M.A	
B.A.  Honours  ....
B.A.   Pass   	
B.Com	
Applied Science
B.A.Sc	
Agriculture
M.S.A	
B.S.A	
1
1
34
5
3
21
1
6
4
SS
1
Social Service Diplomas    23
Party Setting
Brings Seniors
Worried Frowns
Vacouver orchestras and dance
halls taxed the d-ecisive powers of
worried seniors who gathered in an
obscure corner in the Arts Building
to argue out the details for their
Formal  Dance.
The seniors classified Vancouver
orchestras   and   orchestra   leaders
Into two classes — cither "corny"
or   "classy".    Rut   they   still   have
not  selected  an  orchestra.
Admittedly      perturb-ed      over      the
orchestra   situation   they   are   just   as
worried   about   the   location   of   their
dance.    Those    who   want    the   dance
down   town  feel  that   the   affair   will
"be  dry   and   for   th-   most   part   dignified    if    it    is   held    at    the     Brock
Hall".    While   those   who   want   it   at
the   Brock   Hall,   on   the   other   hand,
feel  that   If   the   dance   is   h-eld   down
town   there  might   be  too  much  floor t
show   and   too  much   liquor.
Sadie Hawkin's Day
Would Gain Council
Approval Says Prexy
If the students demanded the
observance of Sadie Hawkins day,
tho Student Council would probably support it, Harold Lumsden,
Student Council president, told
the  Ubyssey,  Monday.
Lumsden was surprised at the
suggestion of holding Sadie Hawkin's Day. "We've never had any
request along that line," he remarked.
ln contrast to the students of
other Canadian universities, students neither agitate for Sadie
Hawkins day, nor do they utterly
condemn It. On being Interviewed on the subject, most students
manifested a combination of
apathy and mild amusement.
Some few girls, however, advocated the adoption of the McGiil
co-edr,'' policy of extending Sadie
Hawkins day Into a full week, terminated by a co-ed ball.
Campus Cupid Has Little
Peace  From  Psychfs Class
By  PIERRE BEHTON
Campus lovebirds, cuckoo-
doves, lally-gaggers, sentimental smoochers, neckers, petters,
lip-entwiners, and others 'who
still have a hangover from the
cupid-infested spring term will
have to watch themselves this
week.
LOVE ON SIGHT
That Dr. Morsh Is at It again!
He's given out strict orders to
l)l*i class of abnormality-seeking
scholar-; to pick out cases of campus lovo nnd report to him In thc
minutest   detail.
"Shoot nio the low down on college sentiment," Dr. Morsh has said
and hi.-; underlings havo dutifully
scattered to all corners of the Mall
armed with paper and pencil to record
for  Science  the  quaint   action  of Jose
phine   College   and   her   goo-goo   eyed
swain.
Tho   situation   threatens   to   become
unbearable.
HOLD   THAT   POSE
No sooner has Joe maneuvered
his One and Only Into position and
shouted "Shoot the love to me,
dove" than the abnormally large
head of a Psych , student protrudes hi between the two, scribbling furiously and muttering
"what wns thnt lust phrase?"
And that isn't all, tho students hava
to  do for   the  sake  of Psych.
They have to observe all types of
abnormal behaviour on the campus,
and. that covers plenty of ground—■
it's mid-term time and abnormal behaviour  isn't hard  to find.
They also have to seek out student-*
who demonstrate signs of delusions:,
people who are afraid, and people who
ar.- pathetic. Well, boys it won't be
a  very   hard job. Page Two	
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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
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SENIOR EDITORS
Tuesday Friday
Pierre Berton Janet Walker
SPORT EDITOR
Archie  Paton
ASSOCIATES
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Assistant Editor  Barbara Newman
Feature Editor  Cornelia Burke
SPORTS REPORTERS
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Jack Ferry Chuck Claridge
REPORTERS
Lucy  Berton,   Doug Christie,   Bill  Dawe,   Doris  Filmer-
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Margaret Reid,  Bill Wilbur.
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2182 West 41st Avenue    —    Phone KErr. 1811
THE      UBYSSEY
Tuesday, October 29, 1940
Music
Music is as important as ever in wartime
—not necessarily music by brass bands and
pipe bar^s, but the great music of the world.
In bombed London and throughout England,
concerts are being held under increasingly
numerous difficulties. Throughout the rest of
the world, people are attending other concerts
to find relaxation and rest from the tense strain
that seems to have descended upon them.
Here in this favoured corner of the world,
the Vancouver Symphony has decided to carry
on in spite of the great difficulties that will be
encountered this year in trying to make up the
deficit.
Many concerts by celebrated artists will
also be given in Vancouver this year, partly
because of the fact that so many musicians
have been driven to seek refuge on this continent from Europe. Vancouver people will no
doubt take advantage of these concerts while
they may.
Here on the campus the hint has come
that Arthur Benjamin may give a series of lecture-recitals in the Auditorium as a pass feature. Such a series would prove of great value
to all students who are at all interested in
music. Besides having a thorough knowledge
of music and the musical world, Mr. Benjamin
has the great advantage of being interesting on
the stage. His lectures would certainly be immensely popular, if they could be fitted in
between military lectures during the week.
The Carnegie Record concerns, the only
means by which students can hear good music
on the campus, have been started again, this
year in the lounge of Brock Hall. They should
prove even more popular than before amid
such comfortable surroundings. They may
even interest the students who sit in the lounge
in gloomy silence during the noon hour.
The complete absence of a school of music
or music appreciation course on this campus
is one notable shortcoming in the University
curriculum. The Carnegie recitals take the
place to some extent of music appreciation
courses ;the Musical Society provides a means
for singers and instrumentalists to enjoy themselves musically; but still there is no organized
course of musical instruction.
The series by Mr. Benjamin would be a
start in the right direction, the moving force,
perhaps, behind the establishment of a school
of music here.
But such expansion can hardly come in
wartime. The University must wait till afterward for that, but in the meanwhile, the more
music the better.
Women At War
The news comes through that the women
of McGiil University have been conscripted
like the men, but for four hours a week instead of six. Two of these hours are devoted
to Physical Training, two to various courses in
auxiliary war service. Other universities in
Canada are organizing special courses and war
work, after the nature of volunteer women's
work in every town of this country.
There is no indication of any conscription
of women at this University, but conscription
should not be necesasry here. Already the
women have organized volunteer groups to aid
their sister Canadians across the country. For
the work they are doing now, volunteer groups
are probably as efficient as any scheme that
could be devised.
Should conscription ever become necessary, the women will object no more than do
the men at present; the scheme should then
be devised along the lines of the McGiil plan,
but should not go any farther because Spartan-
German methods of forcing everyone in the
state to live solely for the state have no place
with us yet.
The  Mummery
By Jabez
More mail:
DEAR JEZEBEL (SIC),
I am a freshman, but am quite sound
physically. I have been told that I have a
unique personality. I am wondering, therefore, why I have not been asked to join a fraternity, like it said in the Ubyssey. This is
worrying me and my parents, who want me to
get their $173 worth. Why doesn't somebody
try to do something illegal with me? Even
my best friends won't tell me.
—Bewildered.
DEAR BEWILDERED,
I feel for you, as the Scienceman said in
the dark, but your situation is far from extraordinary. In fact, it brings to mind the unhappy case-history of another freshman, one
Ambrose Y. Squid.
Ambrose wasn't popular, either, and he
suffered. Women looked at him as though he
were an eggnog that had gone wrong. Moths
were sending their old folks to pasture in his
tuxedo. As a counter-irritant, he started putting so much oil on his hair that he attracted
Nazi agents. He threw stuff into his mouth
and under his arms until he had completely
exhausted Good Housekeeping's Seal of Approval. He cleaned his finger-nails, thereby
nearly killing his aged mother with shock. But
Ambrose's social life continued to consist
solely of collecting 1907 American nickels.
(Somebody told him that they were worth
l-20th of a dollar, and he never stopped to figure it out. We are still talking about freshmen.)
RIPE
So Ambrose was ripe for plucking
when the Phi Delta Slamma fraternity
came around. Yes, Bewildered, they made
a low bid for the kid, because they had
found out that he was the only son of old
Z. Z. Squid, of Squid, Squid, Ballast and
Squid, Manufacturers of Knee-length Hose,
Address Unknown. Since Z. Z. was rolling in ill-gotten gains, Ambrose was immediately eligible.
Incidentally, the fraternities have ingenious methods for tracking down chubby wallets
like this. The Phi Delts, for example, have a
man posted at the door of the Library. He
has a ruler, and his job is to measure the
length of the cigarette butts that are thrown
away by men entering the building. Anything over l1/^ inches marks a prospect. Phi
Upsilon, on the other hand, has members on
the watch for brown shoes that go "squish,
squish". If you have brown shoes that go
"squish, squish", you have made the first steps
towards being drawn to the bosom of this great
organization.
But Ambrose had other qualifications. He had never got a mark over 60%
In his life. He thought First Class Honours were something they gave cows at
the Exhibition, though he wasn't far
wrong. When faced with an exam, his
grey cells would pull down the shutters
testily, and retire to the back room, leaving him without a mental quorum. Ambrose, in effect, was a refugee from an
I.Q.
THE VERY TYPE
Phi Delta Slamma was quick to realize
that here was the type of man it wanted. So
one day, in the locker room, Squid 'was horrified to find himself entirely surrounded by
loud suits and stiff collars.
"We're going to rush you, Ambrose,"
somebody said, grimly.
"Oh, God!" moaned Ambrose, and tried
to crawl into his locker.
They hauled  him  out  again,  screaming for
Constable Orchard.
"Don't be a fool!" growled one of his captors. "We want to make you a Phi Delta
Slamma."
"What's the difference?" quavered the victim.
"We'll give you a pin, and you can give
it to your girl friend!" encouraged another.
"I haven't got a girl friend," Ambrose
whined.
"Well, we'll give you a girl friend, too!"
"You mean a woman, like you see on the
street?" squeaked Ambrose, brightening.
"The same!"  they  laughed, but he  didn't
get it.
VERY BLIND
That night a brother took Ambrose
on a blind date. Now, all sorts of people
go on a date blind, and find out later that
they had a marvelous time. But going on
a blind date is merely a slow-motion version of walking off a cliff backwards in
the dark.
(Continued on Page Three)
McGill's physical training scheme for women as well as men is probably wise, and will
improve the general health of the whole university. A more general scheme of physical
training for women here might also prove
valuable.
•>••<
EA TING
Fruit Salad
with
Pat Keatley
TODAY:
The Fruits of Love
"There have been a lot of stories
fieing around ubout instinctive behavior".
When a certain jovial philosophy
professor made that remark last year
ill lectures he didn't realize his error
until the class roared its appreciation
in a solid flvc-mnute session of
hysterics.
Again, thanks to another don of the
same department, thc subject of
campus love aris'es, and Sex rears its
ugly   head—■well,   head,  anyway.
Psychology students have just had
the time of their lives checking on
abnormal behaviour on the campus.
It has been an excuse for at least two
students < by personal confession) to
cruise along Marine Drive on what
they called thc Passion Patrol, known
to others as the 'Passing' Parade. They
civ.eked tile number of passes made
and completed, and finished their
assignment by writing their initials in
the stcamecl-up windows of amorous
autos. Sticky business.
SHOOT THE CUPID
TO ME, STUPID
Well, that was the modern ap
proach.
But there is vastly moro oomph in
th. way the Elizabethans used to
throw them. What's more, they completed them. Standards were different, but Raleigh and those other
blighters knew wnat they wanted and
got it.
MADE IN ENGLAND
"Maid's  nays are  nothing, they
are shy
But to desire what they deny."
That's  what   Robert  Herrick   found
in   the  course   of   his  dally   pursuits.
You too can try the Herrick Way  to
Success.
(Why go to Madame I_a Zonga?
Or even Chiqulta? You _ can be the
Life of the Party the Herrick way.)
That's not all. There's the Oreene,
Shakespeare, Dekker, Marlowe, and
Campion technique. They all wrote
delicious stuff, subtle as a gourmet's,
highly-coloured as an artist's palate.
YOU GO OVER TO THE LIBRARY
RIGHT NOW  AND READ SOME!
And while you're there you might
get out »ome of Byhon's Better
Besiallsm. And for anemics we
recommend Swinburne's Swill. And
that reminds us, have you ever read
VERSE by Willium Wycherley? Maybe you want to read some of Pierre
Louys stuff, perhaps you're still not
past th-e stage of wanting to dip into
Dos Passos? Well, YOU JUST TRY
TO GET THOSE BOOKS OUT OF
OUR  LIBRARY.
Byron knew plenty. What's more
he was willing to share his information:
FROM RED TO VERSE
"I've   seen   your   stormy   seas   and
stormy women,
And  pity  lovers  rather  more   than
seamen,"
That   hors   d'oeuvre   should   tempt
you to go and  read  the  rest  of  Don
Juan.   After   all,   it   didn't   just   get
that  title  as a sales gag.
It was Byron who said that "kiss
rhym-es to bliss ln fact as well as
verse". But It was Schopenhauer who
decided that "marriage ls a debt contracted in youth and paid in old
age."
. . WHICH IS SOLOMON'S?
I guess that's what we mean when
we say: " . . . . give us this day our
dally    bread,    and    forgive    us    our
debts "
NOW IF YOU DON'T GET THAT,
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO A-
BOUT IT. I HAVE SYSTEMATICALLY LED UP TO THAT PUNCH
UNE IN THE ENTIRE DISCUSSION
TODAY. I REALIZE THAT SOME
PEOPLE THINK FRUIT SALAD IS
ONLY HALF-COOKED, BUT MY
REPLY IS THAT FRUIT SALAD
ISN'T MEANT TO BE COOKED AT
ALL. IT IS MEANT TO BE RAW.
So,  you get It raw.
U.00 tends SOO
SWEET CAPORAL or WINCHESTER cigarettes or (1.00 will
•end either 1 lb. of OLD VIRGINIA
pipe tobacco er 1 lb. of 8WEET
CAPORAL FINE CUT (with Vogue
papertOto Canadian* serving InO.AS.r.
overseas only.
$2.80 sends 1,000
cigarettes to an  Individual  or  unit.
Address  "Sweet Caps,"  _
P.O. Be* 6000, Montreal, P.O.
"What happened?    Did you fall off?"
"No, I just fell for a Sweet Cap."
SWEET CAPORAL CIGARETTES
"Th* purest form In which tobacco can be smoked."
"" Special Student Rate at - -
CAPITOL    -    ORPHEUM    -    STRAND    -    DOMINION
By Presentation Of Your Student Pass
Madeline  Carroll
Gary  Cooper
in
"NORTH  WEST
MOUNTED POLICE"
CAPITOL
Pat O'Brien
in
"KNUTE  ROCKNE"
also
"Calling All Husbands"
STRAND
Rosalind Russell
Brian Aherne
in
"HIRED WIFE"
ORPHEUM
Geo. Raft, Ann Sheridan
"THEY DRIVE BY
NIGHT"
also
"MARYLAND"
DOMINION
UNIVERSITY BOOK STORE
HOURS: S A.M. TO S P.M. — SATURDAY 9 A.M TO NOON
Looseleaf Notebooks, Exercise Books and Scriblers
AT REDUCED PRICES
GRAPHIC   ENGINEERING   PAPER
BIOLOGY PAPER
LOOSELEAF REFILLS
Fountain Pens
and Ink
Drawing Instruments
GET  YOUR
STUDENT
TELEPHONE
Directory
ON
MONDAY
AT THE
Alma Mater Office
A Tuesday, October 29, 1940
THE      UBYSSEY
Page Three
Mary Ann's Rival:
Jose;
Joseph
:ph
Since Mary Ann is one column in
tho Ubyssey that everyone seems to
read because they all have something
nasty to say about it, I'm going to
to see if people read what I write,
because they never read my news
stories. Besides, how can a girl know
all the dirt. Men like me are right
there,  so I  can  make sure it's correct.
* *    *    *
NO  FREE  PLUGS
If ever I have to use this military
training that keeps me so tired that
I can hardly stagger down to the . . .
no, I'm not going to give them a free
plug, they have to pay for plugs In
this column, well, as I was saying,
when I join the army, I hope my girl
friend Jessie will send me some of
Purdy's Fine Chocolates for a present.
They will bring back sweet memories of the times I take her out.
Say, that's an idea, maybe I'll start
taking some other girls out, so they'll
Send me some of those delicious chocolates, too. I've noticed that it really
makes an impression on Josle when
I give her Purdy's chocolates, and
Purdy's, 675 Granville Street, wrap
them   up   so   trickily,   too.     It   really
looks like something.
* *    *    *
I've been playing a lot of golf lately,
but this rainy weather sort of dampens   my   ardour.     I   got   the   slickest
pair of golf shoes at Stacy's, 762 Granville Street, too.    Everybody's saying
how   swell   they   are,   and   to   make
matters better, they're the most comfortable I've ever worn.    Say, did you
see what Mary Ann wrote last week
about the third year Scienceman, who
went  to sleep in hla lecture?    Well,
she's  wrong,   I   told  you   it needs   a
man   to   keep  up  with  these  thlnga. .
It was a fourth year Scienceman, and ,
he was on the Student's Council last,
year.    The   trouble  waa,  the  rest  of j
the class went out of the room  and i
left    him    sleeping    there.      My,    he
looked    peaceful.      To    get   back    to
Stacy's,  Josle  got  the  cutest  pair  of
crepe   soled    sport   shoes   there   last
week,  and  they really look swell  on
her; she wears knee socks with them,
and though other boys may kick about
them,  Josie's  got swell  legs and   can
wear  them.    Stacy's have all sorts of
campus  shoes,   and  they're  all   different,  too.    I  know how Josie hates to
see her twin walking around.
+    *    *    *
Josio and I went to the Homecoming
functions and boy did she make a hit
with tho stag line. She just had her
hair done at Clou's, corner of Robson
and Howe Streets, and although I
usually don't like her hair right after
it's been done, because it's too stiff,
it sure looked swell Friday night.
Josie told me that Mrs. Clou specializes in hair-do (I think she said
coiffures, but that sounds funny for
a man like me to say out loud) for
co-eds, and sort of natural looking,
but smooth, too. I still can't get over
how soft Josie hair was, too. Josle
says that her roommate Aggie got a
new permanent at Clou's, too. I was
wondering why she was beginning to
look more collegiate, sort of. (Aggie
comes from the country, and sometimes, though I don't like to be catty
because that's a girl's privilege, her
hear sure looks a mess). If a MacDonald Steam permanent does as
much for every girl as it did for Aggie,
I sure hope that they all go down
there right away, and then maybe
some of us men, and we are fussy,
will ask them to the formals coming
up, to give them a thrill.
Homecoming
Highlights
Homecoming this year was marked
by incidents both amusing and out-'
standing. To the cheers of "Ray
Bulldogs" two Aggie sheep broke
loose from their pun and ambled
across the Hold after their Bulldog
pals.
«.     *     *     *
Varsity band under the able
hand of Sid Poulton produced
amazing results after only two
weeks rehearsal, to the great delight of all students. Frances
White and Sid himself did thc
vocalizations.
* *    *    *
When the Players' Club lost their
first script they found it necessary
to hash up a new one. Result: the
risque skit produced on Saturday
night. This was not the one advertised   in the  Ubyssey.
* *    *    *
Mamooks featured the girl cheer
leaders so popular with the students—especially the men. They
havo been allegedly frowned on
by Dean Bollert and praised by R.
E.  McKechnie.
Pubsters laboured under great difll-
cultics wh'-n they had only one script,
and approximately five announcers
to  read  It for  the March  of Slime.
* *    *    *
Charlie Nash, forced Into it by the
Ubyssey, appeared in an Indian
blanket   to   announce   the   program.
* +    *    *
Oldest old grad was Mrs. A. M.
Menzles of the class of '16. Other
grads stood up in increasing numbers for each year. There were no
'41  grads present.
Pub.  Gives Ringing Reply
To Council "Mouthings
Replying to a puny council challenge in stern and ringing terms, the Publications Board, Monday, announced its intention of meeting the Tin Gods in what is alleged to be a
basketball game. The game will be held in the gymnasium
sometime next week, and admission will be one cent.
Throwing    off    th.    mantle   of    &\c-l$,'to>**»i>^,.**.„*m»~.<.***'.*m.i.^i.*s*.,**>i,**t»^
tatorship cast over them by tho coun
Directory
(Continued from Page 1)
the LAKE res.rved for SWANS down
in the PARK, the other day. Fifth
columnist,  no  doubt.
It you hear of anyone pitching
a little WOO, In these parts, take
It with a grain of SALT, the
U.B.C. variety Is pretty big to be
thrown around.
Varsity is a cinch to win every cup
this season, with all the QUICK,
SPRY lads with the THICKE ARMS
that represent the old Alma MAter.
The reason for all this drivel is the
fact that the Directory is coming out
this week. Remember the little book
that saves all the trouble. You just
check the names instead of having
to write the whole thing. Sclencemen
wil be ashamed to be without one,
since the cover is a glaring sci.nce-
red. They will appreciate the cute
co-ed chatting cattily on the phone
on the cover. Be sure to get one
right away.
eil squad, the Publications team has
refused to comply with their demands
that the gamo be held on October 30,
preferring to choosv their own time.
Tho game, an annual affair, has always been won by the Publications
Board by an overpowering score.
Last   year's   score   was   87  to   4.
Pub Reply
Dirty Nine—take Warning:
The Pub advises you to prepare
yourselves for a thorough dry-cleaning. In a flt of madness you have
seen flt to challenge tbe Fourth Estate to a gam. of basketball. You
will be buried on that Fourth Estate
without military honours.
ROTTING   FLESH
This will be the first time that
the members of the Dirty Nine
hnve been all carried out of the
same place. The reek of rotting
flesh, Council flesh, will fill thc
Gymn for days afterwards. And
all because you have allowed tradition to rule your better judgment.
Well, th. Pub can't, of course, be
expected to assume the responsibility
if details, such as Informing relatives,
collecting personal effects, etc. We
do, however .promise to help pt^y for
in inexpensive card of sympathy, to
be placed on the common tomb, and
to be purchased with money furnished by the sale of souvenirs of battle
—Lumsden's rudder, Harmer's retractable   landing   gear,   etc.
Ail this Is assuming that the Dirty
Nine will show up the day set for
the execution. The Pub has won all
the games played to dato, of course,
but a larger number have been a-
warded to us by default. Now, we
don't want to disappoint the Student
Body, which will be coming to get a
good look at your blood.
ANY QUORUM?
Already rumours have reached
our ears of the Imminent possibility that the Dirty Nine will not
be able to field a quorum. There
Is no reason why wo should be
obliged to walk all the way over
Council Challenge
The Publications Board,
Tho   University   of   British   Columbia.
To  All   To  Whom   These  Presents May Concern—
Greetings !
With magnificent condescension and upon the passing of a
minute duly moved and seconded in full quorum, this august
governing body deigns to recognize the need of putting the
members of the Fourth Estate
forever in their places. With
magnificent sang - frold and
bountiful savoir-faire, and fully
confident of the outcome of this
issue, we demand the presence
of these heretofore mentioned
adversaries in the gymnasium
at 12:30 p.m. on Wednesday,
October  30th.
The weapons are basketballs
at 45 paces. Seconds, if any,
must come completely unarmed.
Tho costume is strictly informal
and a strip tease will be tolerated under no circumstances.
With adequate regret for your
imminent misfortune, we remain,
The Students' Council
(In toto)
to the Gym, only to find Bolduc
standing there with a petition asking for a pardon or something of
the sort.
If, however, you do decide to stick
your collective neck out, we request
only that you bring your own basketball. The Pub does not wish to use
its own equipment, which is reserved
for games of major Importance. And
bring your own stretcher-bearers, as
the authoities have asked us to avoid
leaving  the   Gym  Uttered  up.
Thus, we await our pleasure, and
merely suggest that you devote at
least one  day to solemn prayer.
Amen.
RED SHIRTS FEAST
Our God, the Ed. Isn't wearing
his Zete pin lately, so none of the
brothers have their pins. He was
the last stronghold, we hear. Of
course, he says he wears it on another suit, but they always say
that.
GET VALUE
IN  PRINTING
for the  activities
of your—
SORORITIES
FRATERNITIES
SOCIAL
and
CLUB FUNCTIONS
S.  C.  M.
1.—Tuesday at 12:30- In- Room 312
Auditorium Building. Miss Madsen ( late of Denmark) will 1-ead
a discussion and answer questions
on world events in Europe today.
All   Welcome.
2.—Dr. Armstrong, a member of the
National Executive of the United
Church, will speak to an open
meeting in Arts 104, Wednesday
at 12:30. His topic will be "Far
Eastern Problems". The meeting
is sponsored by the race problems
group  at  the  S.C.M.
Science
George
Banquet  Thurs.
N-Vright  Speaks
THE
CLARKE & STUART
CO. LIMITED
Stationers and  Printers
550 SEYMOUR STREET
VANCOUVER,  B.C.
These women do the funniest things.
I was walking down Granville Street
the other day, and I saw an Alpha
Phi walking carrying two dead pheasants, one in each hand. And her
father is one of my lecturers, too. I
wonder if he heard about lt. My girl
friend, Josle, was telling me today,
about the new shipment that Suzette,
880 Howe Street, has in, quote: "the
most adorable fine wool jersey turbans made of Glentex, in all colours
to match all coats and dresses. I'm
wearing one to that tea next week."
I hope Josie gets one, they're only
$1.95 and she looks swell in turbans.
I hate those crazy hats she wears,
besides they get in the way when wo
go dancing after the show. She
got a "cute"—that's what she called
it—belt and bead set the other day
at Suzette's, too. It's made of wood
and hemp, and has also matching lapel
gadgets, thoso little pottery pins are
tricky, too. Some people are dumb.
Wo heard that two Phi Delts, one a
pledge are kicking because they have
not been in Mary Ann yet, imagine
wanting to get in that column. We'll
put them in this one, though, because I get first-hand knowledge that
Mary   Ann   can't   get.
*    *    *    *
We saw a Gamma Phi pledge at
Homecoming with a Phi Delt, and here
I thought that the two Phi Kaps were
still arguing about her. Oh, well, I
guess turn-about's fair play, but don't
let me catch you out with anyone
else, Josle.
DINE
AND DANCE
AT
HOTEL VANCOUVER
Film   Society
Want   Student
Technicians
On Tuesday afternoon from 1:40 to
5:40, members of the Film Society
Committeee will meet In the Auditorium to continue technical work on
the  U.B.C.   Historical film.
The film will be a portrayal of the
growth of the University from the
time of the Fairview Shacks to tho
1939      Convocation. Such     stirring
scenes as the students of 1922 forming
the huge letters U.B.C. before the
st«el structure of the science building, and then thronging the building
Itself, will serve to make the film
Impressive and extremely interesting
from  a historical point of view.
Students Interested In film production, dramatics, technique, or equipment may join the British Columbia
institute of Cinematography, simply
by getting in touch with the University Film Society c-o A.M.S. letter
rack   as  soon   as  possible.
If students wish to become active
members of the Film Society Itself,
Tuesday afternoon is the time for
them  to  make  application.
Red sweatered sciencemen, enthused with the success of
their potlatch in the Homecoming ceremonies, will hold their
annual Science Banquet at the Commodore, Thursday night,
October 31.
Guest   speaker   is    Oeorge    Wright,<ii
editorial   writer  of   the   News   Herald.
Other speakers will be Colonel F. W.
Wilkin retiring honorary president of
SMUS and Dr. H. C. Gunning, newly
elected   Honorary   president.
The first science shindig of the
year, the Science Banquet is Intended to bring the freshmen engineers Into closer contact with
their professors and advanced redshirts.
Sciencemen    will    be    admitted    on
presentation   of   their   student   pass.
Patrons of the banquet arc? Dean J.
N.  Fiulayson, Mr.  A.   Peebles,   Dr.  H.
C.  Gunning,  and   Dr.   H.   Smith.
The  SMUS  executive,  consisting of
Rex Parker,  Stan Harris, John Brynelson,   John   Beatty,   Charlie   Parker,
Bob   Potkins,   Macklnnon   Buck,   and
Oliver   Walling,   expect   to  see   every
Scienceman  out.
AGGIE  GRAD
RETURNS
TO LECTURE
Another old grad has returned
He is Dr. Vernon C. Brink, junior
member of the Faculty of Agriculture, who has only recently comeback to U.B.C. after having spent
six years in search of the facts of
plant   life.
Concerning Wisconsin University,
where he studied last year, Doctor
Brink is most enthusiastic. He has,
lie says, great admiration for both
the American college customs and
the students who attend the American Universities, adding tactfully,
however, that he is in perfect agreement about U.B.C. being "the best
location on North America".
HAIRCUT AND HEER
One of tlie flrst things to notice
about this young Aggie professor Is
his great conversational ability. Without apparent effort, ho breaks off a
description of rhizomatous flax
plants to tell you that it is possible
to get anything from a haircut to a
stein of Milwaukee in the famous
Paul Bunyan Room at Wisconsin University.
Or, in a more seriou vein, the
latest Name in Aggie Hall will suggest a possible routine for research
in the realm of forrage culture. His
theories of plant cultivation, If any,
he says are all concerned with only
domestic animals such as the turnip
or   the  potato.
About the activities on this
campus, Professor Brink asks "Why
not basic military ski-troops?"
(He Is a mountain-climbing fiend),
and "Where are all the students
from Calgary? I'd like to meet
them." He was also alleged to
have remarked, "Yes, I am going
to Homecoming," and "No, I am
not married."
But th-e new "dean of beans" admit that he's not so sure about this
latter situation. After all, there i*
that old thing about the farmer
wants   a sweet potato . . and all that.
Head Cold
Here Are Reasons
For Its Prevalence
On The Campus
the
and
'TOTIE' BACK
AFTER NIGHT
CLUB LIFE
Seated atop his cupboard in
TOTEM office, the diminutive
rotund figure of "Totie", theme and
mascot of last year's prize winning
yearbook (All Canada), will once
again watch with his one good eye
the hectic efforts of this year's Totem
staff.
It seems that Totie lost an eye In the
course of a farewell staff party at a
downtown cabaret last spring, and in
fact has only recently been rescued
from the Manager's office of this
local  joy   place  by   "Quickie".
Betty has bathed him, polished him,
and will bring him into the Totem
office as soon as he has recovered
from hay fever contracted whilst
lying among confetti, dance-floor
dust, and balloons.
AH those who are working on this
year's Totem are requested to come
into the office to got acuainted with
"Totie", for he is a symbol of the
Tribe, Campus life, and of a Yearbook which will attain even dizzier
heights   this   coming   year.
Varsity Band To
Hold Practice On
Wednesday
Varsity Band will practice Wednesday, October 30 at 12:30 in Brock
Hall. All members wishing this to be
counted as one of their basic military
training hours must be present for
roll call at 12:35. Band awards, given
at the end of the year are awarded
only to those whose attendance has
been regular.
Any spare drummers who are willing to play for the marches on
Saturday are asked to get in touch
with th_ Varsity Band. There is room
in all sections for men playing band
Instruments.
The band played for the football
game on Saturday and did much to
raise Varsity spirit by playing the
Varsity songs in brilliant manner and
by making the Stadium ring -with
"Hall  U.B.C."
By 1IELGA JARVI
Why are there so many colds? Is
it because of the bugs on the bushes,
tho flies around the Caf, or the dew
on tho flowers? Or is it the fault of
the   medical   examinations?
The bugs and flies might possibly
carry germs, the dew might cause the
student- to sneeze, but the most probable explanation mentioned above is
tho one dealing with medical examinations. If the doctor is going to all
tho work of examining everyone, he
should at least be given the pleasure
of being able to shake his head and
mutter "You are an extremely sick
student. Why haven't you taken care
of your health?"
MANY ADVANTAGES
The advantages of having a cold are
many. Neither does the smell of decaying fish make students hasten
their steps when passing the Zoology
lab, nor does the delightful scent of
hydrogen chloride gas assail the nostrils of chemistry students. When
asked to translate a difficult paragraph in Latin, a pupil can whisper
"I'm sorry, sir, I have lost my voice."
Young men can obtain sick leave
from the "army" and young women
can spend an enjoyable afternoon
shopping, just by bringing a note from
a doctor saying he or she has been
unable to attend because of illness.
When a boy Bees his best girl winking
at another fellow, he demands an explanation. The girl's alibi ls aimple:
"I wasn't winking. My eyes were
watering so I blinked." And the boy
can take it or leave lt. (He usually
takes it.)
NOTHING   OFFICIAL
An official opinion has not been
given, but unofficial sources state that
the reason for the amount of colda
ia the number of parties that have
been held on and around tho campus.
Figure out the connection for yourself.
Classified
Philosophy
desk in Pub.
office.
LOST
1  book.    Last  **mn   on
Please return to  Pub
Aggie Building First
Victim Of Clean-up
Campaign This Year
"By practising what they
preach," the Aggies have gone a
jump ahead of the Council, and
are starting the much needed
Clean-up Campaign on the campus.
"This can't go on much Ipnger.
Somebody has to start the campaign, so It might as weU be the
Aggies," said Jock Byers, President of the Aggie Undergrads.
George Townsend, chairman of
the commltete named to supervise
tho plan, said: "The Aggie Building is not by any means the worst
offender, but we intend to practise what we preach and start at
home. We need the co-operation
of  the  other  faculties
The Mummery
(Continued from page 2)
A 1927 Buick supplUd the tumbril
for Squid, as they drew up in front
of the house. He wiped the sweat out
of his eyes and peered at the front
door. A fair sample of femininity
tootled out, and Ambrose started flying on the beam, but she jumped
into the front seat with the brother.
Then somebody threw out a laundry
sack. At least, he thought it was a
laundry sack, until it got up and
came bouncing down the stairs, shouting hoarsely. Ambrose sobbed something unintelligible, and tried to
clamber out the far door; but he waa
a second too late, being dragged back
LOST
Anatole France.    Last seen in Pub.
Mary  Drury.
FOR HIRE
Public Address System for hire.
Modern recorded music for dances.
Reasonable rates. — Bill MoCarter,
Sc. '44, BA. 9145R.
S.C.M.  COMING EVENTS
LOST
Lab note book.   Margo Croft. Apply
to Biology Lab., or BA. 8771R.
Grey
Pub.
LOST
Waterman's   fountain
FOUND
Gent's  navy   blue  overcoat,
to A.M.S. office.
pen   In
Apply
LOST
A brown and tan fountain pen in
the Auditorium, Saturday night,
where the Pub wowed a capacity
crowd With their "March of Slime."
The name "Joyce K. Morris" is engraved on the barrel of the pen. Finder please return to A.M.S. office after
you've finished using it.
gently  and firmly from  behind.    He      ™e™ %*&   *•   a   maytlng, °f , *»»
turned to stare aghast Into a face that   £f"«»   Club tonl_9*t at  8 oclock  at
would  have  made  Frankenstein  take   £° *"*«• * Dea" M- £ »<>"«*. -™
W. 10th.   The paper will be given by
five.
GREETINGS GATE!
"You aren't the girl friend!" he
choked,  unbelievingly.
"Tho hell I ain't!" snarled the Creature, graciously. "I'm frat-happy, I
am!"
"Stop the car!" yelled Ambrose.
"We've got a flat tire!"
"You'll get used to her!" shouted
back  the  brother.
"Sure!" the Creature grinned.
"Chlorine is the name. Do you want
to give me the pin, or shall we
wrassle for  it?"
Refore he could defend hlmaelf,
Squid found himself on the receiving end of a half-Nelson. After
a hard-fought struggle he managed to free himself by building
a fire under her.
"You're not going out yet, dearie!"
chuckled Chlorine, flexing her bleeps.
"No, but you are!" cried Ambrose,
and he slugged her with a monkey-
wrench.
Herbert  Oldfl-ld.
LE CERCLE FRANCAIS
The Cercle Francals will meet at
8:00 p.m., Tuesday evening, October
22, at the home of Prof. R. Hilton,
2291  West  34th  Ave.
The speaker will be Dr. Gordon
Davis of the Department of Geogra-
pry and Geology. His subject will
be "The Geography of French Canada."
Ten-Minute Interval
Between Morning
Lectures Now
Cokes   between   lectures   have   now
become  a  present possibility.
Students who formerly dragged
through a weary morning of lectures
without the aid of refreshments will
now have time to pop down to the
caf and rest their neurons, for the
powers that be have decreed that
And the last" they _aw of Ambrose ' the second period ln the morning
Y.   Squid,   he   was   blasting  down the , shall  end  at  10.23,   and   that  the  next
highway    to    Seattle,    Portland,    and
points south.
So that, Bewildered, is what you are
missing. I suggest that you stick to
your yo-yo. It's more fun, and much
lesa expensive.
period   shall   not   begin   until   10:33.
That will leave the average student
two minutes to wake up, three minutes to get to the caf, three minutes
to down some pop, and a couple of
minutes to get to that next lecture. Page Four
THE      UBYSSEY
Tuesday, October 29, 1940
Soccer Game
Wed., Varsity
vs. Pro-Recs
Football Score
Thunderbirds  -  7
Vancouver - - 12
108-Yd  DASH BEATS VARSITY
Touchdown   Follows  Fumble
On  Vancouver  2-Yard  Line
Badminton
Club Opens
Big Season
b.c. c©r$
IN   IIAII
Gorman, Teagle Lead Offensive As Varsity
Outplays Bulldogs In Every Department;
Score 7-All With A Minute To Go
THREE-VEE LEAGUE STANDING
W L       Pts. For Pts. Ags.
Victoria      2 0 29 13
Vancouver        1 2 13 19
Varsity     12 25 35
Thunderbirds lost that Homecoming football game 12—7
on the flukiest play seen on a local gridiron for a long, long time.
Every one of the 3000 homecomers were stunned by the
last-minute upset, but none moreso than the Vancouver Bulldogs themselves, who pounced on the bounding pigskin on their
own 2-yard line and whisked it away the length of the field
with only the gun to beat. They failed to convert, but who
cared? That great Varsity aerial attack had backfired so loudly
the vibrations could be heard and felt across Burrard Inlet.
Bulldogs Score On Lucky Break
But to get down to facts. With
just 60 seconds remaining and the
score tied at 7-all Varsity took to the
air. Paul Cote kicked from the 30-
yard stripe and th. ball was caught
behind the Bulldog line by Oarnle
Smith who booted it back before the
Varsity ends could tackle him. Again
Cote kicked, but the ball didn't gain
height and it was smacked right back
to safety by Smith before he was
tackled.
Then the fun began. The elusive ball slipped out of a Thun-
derblrd's arms on to the 2-yard
stripe   where   BuUdog   Joe   Keyes
gathered It In and started for
home. All the Varsity backfleld
had come up on the play, so they
were caught flat-footed. Flat-
footed is Just the word, because
they seemed to be standing still as
they watched Keyes ■tumble down
that gridiron.
At mid-field he lateralled to Jack
Kinney, although there wasn't any
need to, and a Varsity tackle pulled
him down as h. slowed up to watch
Kinney carry in the bacon. And
that's how one of the most exciting
football games this campus has ever
staged ended in a heart-rending loss.
Cote Tallies From Two-Yard Line
Thunderbirds started the scoring In the second quarter when
Cote crashed over tackle from the
2-yard line after the baU had been
planted there by Teagle on a forward pass from Finlay. Ernie
failed to convert.
After half-time the R-ecl and White
machine bore down on their long
centre kick, and a 30 yard end run
put them on Varsity's 4. Smith plung
ed over right end to tie the count,
but th-a convert kick was blocked by
Tucker. Minutes later Smith boomed
a long kick which was caught by
Ray Gorman 10 yards behind the line
where he was rouged, and Vancouver
went  in  front.
Bulldogs got their seventh point
when Gorman made a safety touch of
Smith's   punt   from   the   25   yard   line.
Gorman Sparks Team
Ray Gorman, incldcntly, was the
sparkplug of the Varsity team.
He did most of the kicking, and
got them away with healthy results.
It was punts by this lad which wero
good for rouge points by Tucker and
Harmer in the last quarter drive, and
tied  the  score at  7-all,   with  minutes
left.
Then Gorman was relieved by Cote
after he had played 58 minutes, and
the   air  attack   went   awry.
It was a heart-break for the team
which had played superior football
all the way, and just goes to prove,
"Anything can happen till the last
whistle   has   sounded."
Varsity has a badminton club this
year that is not only strong in numbers but also strong in playin;
ability.
Over eighty people have signed u.
so   far.
The executive is made up of:   Pres
ident,   Ken   McBride;   Vice-President
Jean Eckarclt; secretary. Stew Burris
a     committee     of     Denny     Thomson
Mary   Semple   and   Joan   Morris,   ant
th-e  team   manager,   Dave  Waddell.
Two   teams   will   be   entered   In
the leagues and possibly three, so
thero Is provision for lots of competition.
Last year the B tcam won the
series and this year should do the
same    again. In   fact    both    teams
stand an excellent chance of finishing
the season as victors. Varsity has
lost good players in Janet Fleck,
Jackie McLeod and Mike McGulre
but though they will be missed there
are new names appearing to make
a place for themselves In badminton.
TOPNOTCHERS
Here are some of the oustandlng
names   (take   a   deep   breath): —
First, the men—Stew Burris, Jack
Carlile, Howard DeBeck, Hugh Hall,
Pat Leslie, Ken McBride, Collin
MacDonald, Frank Pigeon, Al Stevenson. Denny Thomson, Dave Waddell,   Pat  White.
The women—Mary Campbell, Ann
Cl-emens, Jocelyn Daniel. Mary Ellis
Dodd, Jean Eckardt, Joan Morris,
Betty Hayden, Ruby Palmer, Mary
Semple, Tish Thomson, Muriel Whim-
ster.
All these will be competing for positions on the teams that the club will
enter  in   the  B  and   C   leagues.
Ralph Henderson, ex-Varsity Canadian Football player and Senior A
basketball player is now serving with
the Royal Canadian Airforce. Ralph
otherwise known as "Hunk" won his
Big Block whll. attending the University and was a member of the
U.B.C. basketball squad that won the
Canadian   championship.
"Hunk" Henderson ls a member of
the Phi  Gamma  Delta  fraternity.
TEAM LINE-UP
Centres—Curry, Orr.
Tackles—Carmlchael, Dixon, Byers.
Guards—Buck, Mattu, Wallace, Swinton.
Ends—Wood, Tucker, Morrltt, Zablnskl.
Quarterbacks—Farina, Moncton.
Blocking Backs—Harmer, Frith.
Left Halts—Ralston, Finlay.
Fullbacks—Teagle, Gorman.
err   the   slqidii^cn
• The    game    on   Saturday     had     theS-opponents    ln    every    way.    The    blue
oddest   and   most   spectacular   ending   and  gold gridiron boys even outpass-
ever   in   the  history  of  the   Canadian    ed  the  Bulldogs.
Football   league.     The   Varsity   team,
superior   in   every    department,    saw
their  sure  victory  turned   into  defeat.
Even  the  Bulldog's coach,   Dick  Farrlngton,    admitted    that   It     was    the
strangest   finish   that   has   ever   graced
the   gridiron   as   far   as   this   town    is
concern-eel.
Dick Faning'ton. by the way, attended the Big Block luncheon before
the game. Dick is a Varsity grad
from way back, and a great football
player if their ever was one. His emotions   over   the   game   were   mixed.
Varsity was
cording to thc
itv    outkicked
th-e superior tcam ac-
ofticial figures. Vars-
and     outgained      their
Gorman and Teagle were the outstanding men for the Varsity backfleld. Hunter Wood played a full
sixty minutes at end. Bob Curry
was the whole Varsity wall on the
defensive.    He  was In  on  every  play.
M,        Hi        *        *
All Maury could say after the game
was, "It was a tough one." And how,
with his team improved 50 per cent
over their first performance at Victoria.
*     *     #     *
Little Sid Poulton starred at half
for tiie grid team last Homecoming;
this year he made a big hit with his
own team of sweet swingsters at the
Tea   Dance.
We've passed our exam.    Believe It or not—
we're a Grade "A" restaurant.
SNOW-WHITE LUNCH
ON  TENTH  AND  SASAMAT
Sportlights On
Varsitytes
Tlie boxing club, although small as
yet announces that at least two of
ita members will enter in the Sun
Golden  Gloves  tournament.
Said members are Austin Frith and
tammy Symc, an ex-Magee boy. Austin has been  seen  working  out every
morning.
* *    *    *
Tho Ice Hockey team, although
they themselves don't know anything
definite, 'hope to travel to Seattle to
play a game with a southern University in the near future. However, It
is all rumor so far and that phone
call  is yet  to come through.
* *    *    •
The two Soccers teams, entered ln
tho Wednesday league loop this year,
are both of the same strength, says
the senior manager Ken Eldridge, and
no rivalry should be felt between the
two teams regardless of their respective titles of the "A" and "B" teams.
* *    *    *
Co-eds sure liven up the football
field, regardless of the game. A lot
of credit should go to the Mamooks
I'or their great support during the
whole  Homecoming.
* *    *    *
Freshmen are really Important cogs
in this year's Thunderbird squad.
Star backfield man Ray Gorman is a
freshman and shows promise as a
really great back. Gorman can kick
and run, and Maury was pleased in
the  performance he turned in on  Sat.
Tho Basketball team plays its first
game of the season this coming Friday against tho Adanacs. The team
il working out hard every night and
according to Jack Ryan, guard on this
year's team, the boys should take thc
W'estminsterites   without,   tiny   trouble.
SOCCER
"B" Team Opens
Against Pro-Rec
The "B" soccer team will open its
1940 season this Wednesdoy against
Pro-Recs at 3 p.m. in Con Jones Park.
This is the first game for the "B"
team and they're gunning for a win.
Ken    Eldridge    announces    that   the
team   has   the   same   official   standing
as   "A"  squad  and   that  one  or   other
I of   the   teams   will   be   playing   every
Wednesday  on   tive   campus.
All soccer fans that are interested
are requested to turn out and support
tho teams. Soccer, by the way, Is a
major sport on the campus this year
and some really good form is displayed.
The  llnc-up  will  be  as  follows:
Green, Nlchaiclo, Hamilton, Calder,
Stamatls,    Orr,    Mclean,    Motherwell, Cook and McCarmmon.
A note  of interest is the fact that two
Varsity   Grads,    "Bas"   Robinson   and
Jack  Rush,   are  playing  for  the  Pro-
Recs.
Off The Backboard
By ARCHIE PATON
The Ice Hockey team is in, but apparently they are the
only fellows around Varsity who will be in on any of the Inter-
City Amateur League games this winter.
After a meeting of the league Saturday night, prexy
Jim Harmer comes back to the* campus with the disconcerting news thot students will not be allowed to see the
games with their student passes, but must fork out of the
old coffers to witness the struggles.
Now, this decision of the league fathers to refuse a lump
sum from students pass funds was no doubt reached after deep
and concentrated thought. These gentlemen came to the brilliant conclusion that by refusing such an offer they would reap
returns many times in excess of the pass figure when enthusiastic collegians stormed the area wickets with their quarters
for admission.
LEAGUE SHORTSIGHTED
And that is where the league daddies are entirely wrong.
They have completely overlooked the fact that students out
here have already paid their admission price to see these hockey
matches.
The student pass system was inaugurated to cover just
such league games where Varsity teams are playing. Especially this year, when so many games ordinarily financed by the
student pass funds are cut out, students have the right to
expect they can go to see a hockey game on their passes.
The hockey club is one of the favoured athletic organizations on the campus this year. They are not hampered in their
practices by conflicting military training, and they have one
of the strongest line-ups on paper that ever attended U.B.C.
They also have a coach of nation-wide repute.
TOUGH ON THE TEAM
It looks as if it will be a good season and the team has the
right to expect a big student following at its games. But if
they have to pay to see a hockey game when they can get in
free to see basketball, the students just won't see hockey.
That's the way this department figures it, anyway, and we
think most students agree.
It's tough on the pucksters, but after all, they are used to
being pushed around by the league officials.
Senior *<BV, Frosh Lose
In Thursday Contests
Co-eds Commence
Hockey Practice
The hockey girls entertained one
grad on Friday, or rather Gavin Mouat
kept the girls hopping at the practice. However, he did show the fullbacks. Grace Bunnell and Joan Morris, a few useful tricks. We wonder
if   they'll   remember   them.
If Betty Muir continues to improve
at practices as she has so far this
season, she'll be giving the opposition
pl-enty to worry about in games to
come.
Everybody    out   on    Wednesday
for a practice game at 3:45 against
Grandview  Commerce  grads.
Anyone    who   wants   to     see     knee
socks   at   their   best   or   worst,    come
jut   on   Wednesday   and   see the  girls'
yellow-clad   l.gs   flash   up   and   down
the     field. They're     bright     yellow
hick wool-rib knit with blue borders.
Commerce plays fourth year in the
finals of the tennekoit series at noon
today.
Another but more potent form
of basketball than described In the
adjoining  story.
<»> Both the Senior Bees and the Frosh
basketball teams fell before the opposition last Thursday at King Ed.
Gym.
The Bees lost a close one to the
CYO's by a count of 24-19. After
the breather a disastrous third quarter, when they were oulscorecl 7 to 3,
cost them victory.
FROSH  OUTCLASSED
Running up against a more experienced team the Frosh were bumped
hard by Lubin Fur 28-19. This is no
wins in two starts for the Int. A'n
but they should taste victory when
they meet CYO at King Ed. tonight
at 8 p.m.
Tlie scores;
Senior B—Gunn, 2, Davie, Claridge 3, Iron, Menzles 4, Pinchln 6,
Robinson 4, Young, Harry Nlkaldo.
Int. A—Heathertngton, Hetsler 4,
Louie, Cunningham, Dennis, Fleming 4, Smith 1, Nygard 2, Deane 2,
Johnson, Crocker 6.
SENIORS !
Ai poiiUnicnts     for    Totem     pictur*.
MUST   be    made    before    Oclob   r    .'il.
T'loase    make    arraivessiiv. nt-    iiutncK-
aic-1-
LOST
An accounting text by Finney.
Finney body finds the book please return it to Peter McTavish in the
YM'.S.   Office.
LOST
A. blue cheeked woollen scerf. brown
Janl/.oii bathing trunks. Noyes "Qualitative Analysis," Finder please return  to  A.M.S.  office.
Reid's Smart Wear
4516 WEST 10th AVENUE  (at Sasamat)
FIRST
ANNIVERSARY SALE
BEGINS FRIDAY, NOV. 1
A tangible expression of our appreciation of the gratifying patronage extended to us by the citizens of West
Point Grey.
An opportunity whieh we believe Students will find
interesting and profitable.
Phone ALma  1504

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