UBC Publications

UBC Publications

UBC Publications

The Ubyssey Mar 29, 1945

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Tragic Aftermath Of
Presidential Elections
•   THE MIDDLE AGES predominated at Wednesday night's
special council meeting, as Council passed the report of
the Student Government Revision Board recommending that
UBC revert back to the Feudal system for student adminiat-
<and  Seigneur  with  lesser   court
dignitaries  paying homage every
Monday, along the line of Aristocracy in the middle ages.
"I l)ke middle ages," said Lady
Helen Morgan, former secretary,
and recently appointed mistress of
Cattle Alma Mater, in commenting
or. the new system.
"You look it," said Lord Leslie
Raphael, new Lord of the Bed
Chambers and Backrooms, and
order of the Men's Undergraduate
"Whst think you of this, m'lord,"
Sfid Viscount Kenneth Creighton,
Knight of the Castle Purse-Strings
and Knight of the Royal Shield;
Crests, and Chancellor of the Royal
Liquor Permit, to Lord Bibbs.
, "Demmel It's capital. Now I can
eat all the babies for breakfast I
Children's Aid Society.
I. No man of any racial origin
will be admitted to any society
under the Jurisdiction of the Inter-Maternity Council.
Oh gather round and listen
Come hither, all you chiUuns
UBC's back to the Feudal system
And we're all serfs or villuns.
The order will be retroactive to
January 31.
Immediately the order was passed, Dick Bibbs was officially Installed as temporary Seigneur, and
Allan Ainsworth was declared to
bo "Lawful son and heir to the
estate and chattels of the Castle
Alma Mater."
The omtlon originally read
Legitimate son and heir . . .",
but councU members thought
"Lawful" was more genteel, es-
pedally when Ainsworth be-
gan producing papers to prove
his claim.
The university campus will be
divided into small plots, three for
each student, who must care for
the grass or flowers, keep his land
clean, and donate Vi of the produce
to the Alma Mater Society at the
end of each year, if the land is
situated In the Agriculture field.
Professors will be limited to
three lecture rooms per year,
one lecture room lying fallow
each ycar.
Government will be by a Council
of Elders, composed of the Lord
want," said Lord Bibbs.
Formal Installation of the aristocracy and lnauguaratlon of the
feudal system will take place at a
special meeting Saturday, Aptil 31,
in the auditorium.
Plans call for a hierarchy ef ,
government, with students div-
, Ided  into  four  classes—serfs,
villeins,   peasants   and   slide-
rulers (Scienceman).
Freshmen will be known officially as Serfs, Sophomores as peasants, Juniors as vileins, and (obviously)   Seniors   as   upper-class
US Prexy Announces
Beverage Plan for Reds
•   JACK BEVERAGE, president-elect of the Engineers'
Undergraduate Society, today announced the acquisition
of the Capilano Brewery as the first step in the carrying out
of the Beverage Plan for Science.
Beverage feels that the Engin
eers have too little social security
in the present set-up, ^ience in thc
recent election campaign he stressed the necessity of keeping thc
members of EUS happy during the
ten or fifteen years of their attendance at UBC. In order to give
the Engineers the feeling of security they lack, Beverage developed his "Forty Beers Every Friday" plan.
Campus reaction to the plan Is
Tiie Arts Undergraduate Society Is watching carefully to
see the results of this revolu
tionary social legislature and It
Is rumoured that they are laying plans which call for two
cokes every Tuesday while the
Aggies are working on one
glass of milk every Wednesday.
An unidentified mining engineer,
when asked his opinion of the plan
said, " Ish wunnerful. I'm ail-—"
The rest of his statement could
not be distinguished through the
"This plan should put a little
more  spirit  into the engineers,"
commented retiring AMS president
Dick Bibbs.
• BREAKING TN THE NEW EDITOR—Extensive training
of the Publications Board's new editor-in-chief began
two weeks ago with daily lectures from the expiring editor-
in-chief. Because of the great importance of the postition in
campus affairs, all Ubyssey editors are examined minutely
before they are allowed to take over the Pub. Shown above
is the editor for next year, Miss Marion Dundas, as she was
given, her iirt Lsson in how to run a university newspaper
by the editor for this year, what's-his-name.
• DISPLAYS TROPHY—Grinning fiendishly, AMS Treasurer Ken Creighton displays the
head of Allan Ainsworth, which he lopped off shortly before 3 p.m. Wednesday in a lit
of frenzy. Ubyssey Photographer Art Jon^a caught him ag he dangled the head in and out
of the window of his office. The head still wears the happy look we all knew and loved so
well. In the future it will decorate the top of the McKechnie Cup.
Harpists, Formby
Rogers, Combs
Featured Today
• JEWS HARP artists will be
featured in the auditorium today on a special pass feature presentation, announces Druid Bertram, Hell-s-ee president.
Combined with the Jews harpists, will be a special symphony
orchestra composed * of various
people who make music by blowing on paper and comb.
As an added attraction,, George
Formby and Roy Rogers will sing
as a duet, the aria from Aida by
Faust, and another called the
Area from Helping by Second.
George Formby is now being
seen in the movie "eBta Theta
George." In this picture, he plays
the leading role as the Master.
Inter-Mat, What the Hell
Councils Make News: Rules
• A JOINT meeting of the Inter-Maternity Council and the
What-the-Helleric Society was held in a joint on Keefer St.
late early last Sunday morning to discuss the furthering of
co-operation between the two bodies.
Having done this, Dam Nuisance
and Many Chances Fumbled, presidents respectively of Inter-Mat
and What-the-Hell announced the
following revisions to be added to
their constitutions:
1. Pledging shall take place
when the rushee reaches the age
of puberty (In the case of the
Kwakiutl Indian th; time of pledg-
ingmust be arranged so that it
will not, clash with tribal ritual),
2. Every   rushee   must  produce
• HOWUNG vociferously, John
Thomas Scott, one-tune editor-in-chief of the Publications
Bored, was kicked out the doors
of the Pub Wednesday as Little
Hotfoot Dundas took over the
powerful campus organ and prepared to renovate the premesis
and eliminate the negative.
Appointment of Goo-Goo eyes
as the next power-mad molder of
student opinion was announced In
between toasts at the annual
Bored Banquet last night. Or was
it the night before last? The sweet
little girl editor mobilized an organized group of reporters and
took over Immediately. Scott
hasn't been seen since.
Dundas will go down In history os thc first editor to organize Ubyssey reporters.
In addition to her Publications work she has been active
In the Girl Guides, Massachusetts Association of Bird Lovers, the Institute of Canadian
Parliamentarians, the Mutual
Benefit Life Insurance Company oi Wisconsin and Alberta,
and   the   Bowery   Beer   and
Chowder Club.
Policy of the Publications Bored,
as tentatively announoed In shy
Uttle giggles by Miss Dundas, will
be to campaign extensively for
curtains in all university buildings and realization of the rights
of women.
Other apointments announced by
the prophet of Thoth (the all
mighty) include:
Senior editors, Denis Blunden,
Marian Ball, Bruce Bewell; News
editor, Ron Haggart; assistant
news editor, Tom Preston; Canadian University Press Editor, Don
Stainsby; Totem editor, Bill Stewart; associate Totem editors, Nancy McDonald, Jean McFarlane;
Tillicum, Jean McFarlane, Helen
Worth; Directory, Bruce Lowther,
associate editors, Harry Castilloun,
Harry Allan, Rosemary Hodgins,
Tom Preston, John McBride; assistant editors, eBtty Grey, Robin
Little, Joan Mitchell, Bruce Lowther, Marguerite Weir; business
manager, Bob Estey; sports editor,
Jutle Moylss (re-apointment). Associate sports editor, Laurie Dyer.
positive proof that her parents
were at some time during their
lives married not necessarily to
one another.
3. No girl will be admitted
te any society under the Jurisdiction of the What-the-Hell-
enlc Society unlets she la In
possession of a liquor permit
4. No girl will be admitted to
any society under the jurisdiction
of the What-the-HcUenic Society
unless she can define, to the satisfaction of a group of girls especially chosen by the What-the-
Hell President Fumbled from Professor Irvlng's Philosophy 1 class,
Freud's conception of the Llbiau
as opposed to Jung's conception.
5. No girl between the ages of
three months and 99 years can be
initiated Into any society under
the jurisdiction of the What-the-
Hellenic Society.
6. No girl of any race may be
initiated into any society under
the jurisdiction of the What-the-
Hel'.enic Society.
1. No man may pledge more fraternities than he has liquor permits available under the jurisdiction of the Inter-Maternity Council.
2. No man with more than
three heads will be admitted
into any society under the Jurisdiction of the Inter-Maternity
Counted unless of course he is
an Artsman.
3. No man shall be admitted to
tiny society under the jurisdiction
of the Inter-Matern'.'.y Council unless he can prove that he has had
at one time during his life at
least one parent of one or both
4. All membsrs of the WTCD
arc automatically banned from any
society under the jurisdiction of
the Inter-Mattrnity  Council.
• KENNETH DAN CREIGHTON, treasurer of the Alma
Mater Society, ran amock shortly before 3 p.m. Wednesday, decapitating President-elect Alan Ainsworth and tearing about the campus with his rival's head in his
screaming "I'm not bitter."
Alcoholic Totem
Editor Disappears
No Totem for UBC
• THE TOTEM will not be published this year, according to
an annoucement made recently by
John Green, who has occasionally
been rumored to be editing a Totem.
Appearing momentarily from bo-
hind an alcoholic haze ln th«
depths of the Publications Board
the other day, Green hiccoughed
dreamily, "Never did intend to
put out a Totem," he said, "I just
wanted to go to Varsity functions
All students who nave paid
their dollar down will recelev a
copy of the Mexico city telephone
directory (Portugese edition) on
payment of another fifty cents to
the fund for the prevention and
cure of Totem editors.
When informed' of Green'* statement Dick Bibbs, retiring president of the Alma Mater Society,
immediately relapsed Into a. deep
coma, from which he U not expected to emerge ellve, or even
In the condition whloh he was in
before his unfortunate Illness,
Treasurer Ken Creighton Immediately challenged the editor-in-chief of Publications, an
unidentified Phi Delt, to a duel,
but he was floored by a quick
blow In the budget with a rolled up expense account and had
to be carried from the arena
on his shield.
Ono Sherman, who has been In
charge ef selling Totems to the
gullible public denied anw knowledge of the nefarious plot, he
refused, however, to say what he
had done with the motwy already
collected, and rushed home mumbling something about a forgotten
Meanwhile auditors called in especially to examin" Green j expense account expressed curiosity
about an item marked "tickets,"
$507.62. The difficulty was soon
cleared up, however, when Green
he had made a rapid trip on the
back of his favorite Mongolian
chinchilla, to explain that the AM
S could cash in the return fare
which he had left behind the right
ear of a council member sleepLg
In the men's executive* room. The
wire was collect.
Man Goes Out
With Wife
"Who was that lady I saw
you with last night?"
"That was no lady, that was
my wife."
Creighton, who his friend said
had been acting strangely at odd
times lately, seemed to be perfectly normal as he juggled books
In the AMS office at 2:45, when aU
of a sudden he leaped into the air
and began reciting treasurer's reports of the last 20 years.
He sallied forth from the Brock,
uttering blood-thirsty oaths and
swinging a large axe. Unfortunately, Ainsworth was bearing
down upon the Brock at the same
time, singing "Whistle While You
Creighton lopped off/the head
with  one stroke and it stopped
singing. The body kept on going.
Ihe tragic end to the recent
presidential elections cams as
a ■hock to students, who tad
believed  the  two made  n>
Creighton is at present leaked
up In tha AMS vault, which k
surrounded by members el tht
Big Block Club.
Provincial police are invtattfst-
ing what they term to be a
"crime". They are also looking
for MUS president Les Raphael,
who — it is understood — gave
Creighton the axe.
According to eye-witness reports
Creighton picked up tht head,
which had a little look of surprise
on its fact for two noun afterwards, and carried lt to the Beta
table. The two gibbered madly at
the table for about 18 minutes before Doc Morton noticed something
was wrong and asked where At
body was.
Creighton then screamed "ha
net bitter" and fan over to the
armouries,   chased   by   *,«•
Betas. He hid In an eld pair
of kilts to confuse tht throaf
and escaped back to tht Brag*.
Until apprehended by "* " "
of the Dark Blue Suit,
spent several hours
head out the window of his
and rolling it in and out of tht
AMS president's office.
Dick Bibbs, who was carving his
initials on his desk at the tune,
told The Ubyssey after that It was
a "beastly affair. I thought he was
playing pushball. Never did like
that game."
The body was found in the council room where lt was conducting
council meetings one after another.
Interviewed by the Ubyssey at I
sufe  distance,  the head had ac
comment to make. The body JoSI
kept twitching.
Bibbs explained mat there'
will bt no need to bold ntw
presidential elections. 'It win
be a bit lueer," ht admitted,
but all AMS presidents have
their Utfle peculiarities, tad
this one Is usually the asset
Student leaders intend te gtajtf
the head and place it upon tht McKechnie Cup. The Publications
Board has put in a claim for it,
along with the Vancouver Nonpartisan Association, both of which
groups refused to reveal tht reasons for wanting it.
• LAST FRIDAY night at the annual meeting of the Uncooperative University Students Association General Messenger Joe Blotzenheimer announced that the association has
completed negotiations with Canadian Pacific Railway, the
Emergency Housing Administrator, and H. R. MacMillan to
take over the entire Hotel Vancouver to operate as an Uncooperative Student Residence next session,
have special express elevators ser
vice to the basement, which will
also be operated by engineers in
white. In the future this department will be a strictly private department of the Unco-operative
! tudents organization.
Operation   of   the   cafeteria
and dining room on a strictly
non-profit basis is also planned.
The Unco-operative girls will
work as waitresses or at any
other type of employment that
might appeal to them and meet
with the approval of the discipline committee.
It is predicted that the new location will prove popular and that
by  the end  of  the year  most of
the stupid students on the campus
will join  the Unco-operative Association.
This announcement came as a
distinct surprise to members of the
association who were expecting to
take over the armories,
Tentative plans for operation of
the residence have been drajvn
up. Tne Panorama Room will be
turned into the terminus of a
cable railway to the university site.
Special elevators '"with built in
breakfast nooks will be installed
so students will be able to grab
their breakfast on the run.
Aggie students wil be given the
use cf the garages with horse-
keeping privileges if desired. They
will be permitted to put hi then-
work hours sweeping up the courtyard and churning butter.
Tae first three floors will be reserved for the engineers and will EDITORIAL PAGE
MARCH 29, 194S
Loses. . .
... Gym Bloomers
... at Formals
... at Marx
• HANDEL'S Messiah wlU ov
featured at Friday's session of
the Jazz Society in Brock Smokint
Room at 12:30.
A special "hot" quintette will
provide the music, with a mixed
choir of Phrateres and Sergeants
of the COTC rendering the chorus.
Sergeants of the COTC will sing
"For He shall reign for ever ant
ever," and the Phrateres will cut
ln with a neat "Hallelujah, Hallelujah" on the down beat.
Next week the Jazz Society will
gather at the river while bringing
in the sheaves. The quintette wil!
play "Gimme that Old Tune Religion," played to the tune of
"Gbnme One Dozen Roses."
Shopping with Mary Ann
4 1N5!d16US Margaret otters *
wide range of dresses for c--
eds who know what they want
and intend to get it. Clad in a
creation of Insidious Margaret's
shop, any coed can get what she
wants merely by walking down
the street. Insidious Margaret can
dress a coed in nothing flat and
still make it look good .... Mary
Ann is wondering about the coed
and the tall, short, dark, blond
Sigma Phoo who spent last night
working on their biology notes.
Th?y'l] probably get a first class.
We hear the coed Is intending to
take Animal Husbandry next year
.... Insidious Margaret can do
you up brown or any other color.
Just drop hi some day when you
have nothing on and she will do
things to your figure.
•   •   *   *
• C. B. Marke has just received
a new shipment of bone corsets from the Canada Packets
Plant, which should fit the neels
of most coeds. No coed will wear
them, however, so they (the corsets) ar» being offered to the Aggies for use on cows wbo art developing bay windows. But that
isn't all C. B. Marke haa to offer
You should set her yourself . . ..
We are still wondering about the
relationship between the goony
gamma phi and the phlegmatic
phi delt who hitched a ride home
yesterday In a panel delivery truck
from Simmons Mattress Co.  Ihe
coed objected and said she would
"be beddtr off walking." "Wtil,
Springs u here," said the malt*
.... Bone corsets tt C. B. Markes
will help pou keep a stlffupper
This Is an Olive
A Story Anyway
•   FRUIT IS one of the nv»t
wonderful thlngj on this oarth.
There are many ftrange fruits,
but one of the most straogtst is
olives. There art many olives in
tht world, including Olive Oyl
and Palm Olive, but generally olivet are most numerous at * bea-
quet.   There tht lowly  olive  is
highly prized and tht person who
can eat ono with finesse lt definitely  made.   It  -cqulres  fine,**
aplenty to reach for an olive politely without having it slip from
tht fingers and plop In the lap wf
the guest speaker. If you manage
to get an olive to the mouth then
trouble really begins.  It is hard
to tat around tht stone and harder still to resist shooting tht stent
at tht  guest speaker when  ht
•peaks too long. But still many
people honor the olive, and nanio
thtlr children after It, such as
Olivia dt Havlland   As to* this
story, this is olive lt.
• travelogue
• VICTORIA Is situated  three'
miles outside of Esquimau. It
is connected with the mainland
with a bridge across the Gulf of
Georgia built during IMS by the
ideas of residents of Vancouver
Island at that time.
It has many tits with old En*
land, not tht least of which is a
pink ascot given the mayor of
Victoria by Rudyard Kipling when
he flew through at midnight
There Is a suburb hi Victoria
called Otk Bay ln which the elite
of the city, suh as pawnbrokers,
insane majors, and frstratod Dowagers, live.
Victoria is divided by ordinary
city blocks, in each of which is an
Antlgue shop run by a member of
an austere race called Bartholomew. One of the institutions of
Victoria, demonstrating Its ties
with the empire, is a glass shoppe
called "Messerschmldt's.
A beautiful, clean slough runs
through the Western boundaries
of Victoria, ln which the burghers
of Victoria bathe. There ls a cemetery In which are buried the
Oriental population, and another
which -is visited regularly by nep-
tune. Also there is a profusion of
little mechanical shops which are
sorely lacking ln equipment
One day a mechanic wanted s
vice but couldn't And one and
thus originated the saying "There
is no vice in Victoria."
Musical Society's spring production "The Gondoliers" have
been offered a spot on the floor
show at the New Orleans Club,
floor show, Elinor Haggard, president, said today.
The offer came as a result of an
impromptu performance given at
the night spot at the Society'*
production party. The management was so Impressed with a rendition of "Rum and Coca Cola"
that they asked the club to stay
all night, and even let them wash
the dishes.
Miss Haggard announces that a
merger with the Players Club l.«
being discussed.
Man Goes Out
With Wife
"Who was that lady I saw
you with last night?"
"That was no lady, that was
my wife."
6   f   BurareQ Biiarj
6••"   g'-   ttuarj euraiBo Budry
you with last night?"
"That was no lady, that was
• The Last Word
This It The
Only Tourist
Gothic Held
In The Piper
advise tht advisory council
which will advise student council
was suggested by LSE Prtaldtnt
Gordon Bertram Wednesday, just
'before ht turned Into a druld, at
tht latest step Inf his de-vacuum-
isuig campaign.
Puffing out his Uttlt fat cheeks,
.Bertram declared that tht UBC
vaecuum Is tht worst menace to
student government since General
Sherman's march through Otor-
"Wt must do everything hi
our power to rid ourselves ot
this vacuum," he Intimated to
The Uttlttsty. "I Intend to
keep on adding advisory councils ad Infinitum, semper fid-
ells and vtnl, vldl, vtel until
every student htlds an offlct
In student government''
"Then there will not be a vaecuum," ht shouted triumphantly,
beating the nearest student Into
pulp. "Of course wt will havt to
get another student body, but I'll
leave that up to the headless wonder."
He stated further that if anyone attempts to frustrate his plans
he will proceed with project Number Two: elimination of the vaecuum through elimination of students. "I don't care how but get
rid of that damn vaecuum," he
Interviewed   today,   the   damn
vaecuum   had   no   comment   to
•   FINAL general meeting of
the   Thunderbird   Gliding,
Soaring, Rocket, and Chowder
Club will be held In Ap. Sc.
202 on Thursda ynoon, April 5,
God and the booking willing.
All members wishing to fly
this summer are urged to attend.  Elections of officers for
next year will take place. All
nominations for president  or
secretary-treasurer   must   b e
flown  In  to BUI  Adams  by
April 4.
Two Alms, on "Weather" and
"Cloud Formations" wUl bt
.shown In Science 200 at noon
Wednesday, March 28, concluding a series of uninteresting
talks on eMtoorology or "How
to TeU Taxi Fare" by Denlse
Rowte. Talks have also been
given'on Soaring Aerodynamics by Gordon Reld.
g- • • • i' • euruiB0 eddvx tddej
%"•' I  Id mot euntig
•og ma ftaht denrael TSUJ I   0
txen anihC ot tnes eb ot gnl
.tnednopserroc ngierof a sa raey
dnuof retlrewepyt ym yltnerappA
sah ti sa ,did I sa noos sa tuo
.elihw a etiuq rof siht gniod neeb
drah si siht taht kniht uoy fl
gnitirw  yrt dluohs  uoy  daer  ot
.emltemos   ti
dluohs uoy ,taht ylno ton dnA
:ekil   skool   eman   ym   tahw   ees
.sse od
k    !!gnissarrabme s'tl
We wish we had another picture of Creighton.
8•••• s    'TO lHd buuubo
6  9    Id tWa  BHdlV
6-'" 9  Id uomjuio Budry
fl ■•• !••••  jb%9V{_ aqdiv BddBji
e""  8   lMd «Hdiv
Iflstic response that the plan
has received so far, and announced that he will do all In
his power to spread his ideas
mbs i Xpei jaqj so* oha\„
?* l AmkWm
• AMS FIEND—Shown above is Ken Creighton, treasurer
of the AMS, who is now resting quietly after a mad
rampage Wednesday in which Allan Ainsworth's head got in
the way of his axe. The editor-in-chief wishes to explain
that it is purely accidental that the two pictures are printed.
We had another little hole to fill up. ,
Burned Up As
Doctor Morton Attacks
• LAST NIGHT 800 redshirts under the personal leadership of Der Morton stormed the Brock Hall chanting
"Science Saves!", and set fire to the council room.
"CouncU has blundered for the —————————
last time,"   bellowed   Lieutenant Al--!/*--!*     Z\f£\A
AUanpatrick.    "Thtlr   failure   to JViaClSclUIC     "lICU J
consUt the students on tht views .     .    _
to be expressed by our delegates I    C l/linl/  RpfllfflC
to the Third Triennial Conference a-eWelMIIIIV  lAWHi II*
of the Flta Circus P"***" °| t   dr. NORMAN A. M. Maciun-
America Is  tatxcualMe.   Council ^ mlgB#d ^ ^^  „
U decadent It must bt rtplactd. prwJdw)t ^ ^ University today
Hell Science!          ...... and   tht   Board   of   Oovtrnort
Simultaneously with tht burn- ^^ fom-r j^,^ Ubatjed
ing of tht Amsteg was tht pub- g   ^^  ^ ^ t9tixmmi *
lic.tlon of Der_Morton'swvohi. ^ ^ ^^
tionary ntw book, "Mint Twnpfs, ^ w^^ ^ M ri4M0
or Lift With tht Undtrground." ^ ^ tMnamtt% But it,. ^^
As wtU a. giving Tat Leads* ^ ^ ^ ^ t ^ woU ^
vitwt on campus pontics (unto- ^ New Brua-wlck h^g^, m ^
tunately «ht   entire   chapter   on ^^ im[ng ^ Uft ^
CouncU was Jtoltted at tht request .   ^ tnnounown-nt of Dr. Mao-
of tht Uly White Literary League ^^ ft^aMm ^^  „
of Lethbrldge «s unfit for the eyes MWf wltt-t from N,w _naumuX
or artsmen) this book contains a ^^ fcy ^ --rf {[fmt Ct.
supplement consisting of a com- m6m fmy j^^)
pitta set of labs for third year, In- ^ ^^ waj un^in.p,. ,w
eluding two 24 by 6 Inch campus com,,^,
""^            .. .—..— EDITOR'S NOIBj The PubUca-
SCALE DIZZY HEIGHTS. tions Board wiU ^ cloMd froln
Earlier in the week four de- nwja March „ to ^^^ 23,
voted members %t the party seal- 19tf for ^ mnuli ltafl hollday
ed the dizzy heights of tat Libatag r^^ the interval, Mr. J. B. Mit-
to erect a statue of their Idol at- cheU   of   iht   ^^^   Memorial
tired In the official red sweater of Building wiU be responsible for
the party and holding the official tne affairs 0f the Board.
Mark 40 slide-rule.  Ihe next day DISMEMBERED
the statue was removed. The two gy the COTC, YWCA, WCTU,
steeplejacks who did the removal SCM and VCF.
job were found Impaled on a sur- Offices Brock Basement, First Door
vey stake with the mystic symbol to the Left,
of the dividers and Stilson Wrench Phone:   (Removed for  Non-
carved in their chesus. payment).
Yesterday R. Mounterfort Bibbs, FOR ADVERTISING
Parliamentary Forumlte, was lur- Joe's Sandwich Boards, Inc.
ed into a dark corner by a high 101 Princess Ave.         Phone Ditto
falsetoo singing "Forum and Coct Campus Subscriptions—$3.55
Cola," the debaters' theme sonf. Mail  Subscriptions—See
A few minutes later he was hurled Mr. Kennedy,
forth  with the words, "I,   as   a Issued when we damn well feel
whole, am an unintelligent," U like it by the Society for the Prop-
tooed across his forehead. agation  of Malicious Propaganda
It is predicted by unimpeachable «nd Whispering Campaigns of the
sources that this attempted putscn All Mated Society of the British
wUl fizzle out. The party mempera Columbia Institute for the Feeble-
were unaware that   Der  Morton Minded,
will graduate this year. They be- IDIOT-IN-CHIEF
lieved that he would be In fifth long TIME SHOT
year for at least two more ses- BTO's in charge of Beating the
sions and hence they will be un- idiot,
cxpectedly    left    without    their Dense Blundered,  Moron  Dunce,
Great Leader. Potsy Tighthead.
The party plans to erect a sta- ...Advisory   Council   Representa-
tue of Der Morton on top of the tives: W. F. Kennedy, Miss Lan-
Calm and outline lt in red and nlng,  Prof.  Irving,  J.  T.   Scott,
white Neon lights.   Subscriptions Marian  Dundas,  Denis  Blunden,
wiU   be   received   at   the   Party Cal Whitehead, John Green, Luke
Headquarters,   corner of eGorgla Moyls, BiU Stewart, Nancy Mac-
and Howe down one flight. donald,    Bruce   Bewell,    A.   M.
dent of the Literary and Scl- Brockman, John MacBride, Harry
entlflc Executive, 'is beUeved to be Allen, Ray PerrauU, Ron Haggart,
turning Into a druld. Marguerite Weir, Eleanor Bryant,
First tokllng of his sad plight Tom   Cartwrlght   Duncan   Gray,
came when he was seen last week Bruce Lowther, Art Jones, Betty
festooning the cafeteria entrances Anderson,   Buzz  Walker,   Donna
with mistletoe, sacred emblem of Meldrum, Laurie Dyer, Dave Rob-
the sect and suspicions were con- inson>   Fred   Crombie,   Rosemary
firmed when he was seen woling Hodgins, Jean MacFarlane, Harry
ln the woad until he was blue in Castillou,  Joan Mitchell,  Doreen
^   jace Peacock, Jessie McCarthy, Peggy
A Ubyssey reporter sent to in- Avelling, Shirley-Ruth Steadman,
terview Bertram in the AMS office 1°*™* Ferguson, Art Alexander,
found   him   bunding    miniature Frank Walden Bunxiy Stef, Sheila
S*mhenges  with  student  passes, Wheel«;' % Appleby, Fred Mor-
wusing occasionally to bow   to- ^    WT   ?ahar,    Fred   Grover,
ward the East and mutter softly Brian    Jackson'    Don    8t*insby>
........      1 j 11    j nu     ii i, Helen Worth, Edith Angove, Flo
"sleakdkt alruwkd Uywjyllhywlj," . ,          «,.„,.    «_ j ,#
...      .       .       , .   ,  '      „ Johnson, Hide Halpin, Fred Maur-
which when translated Into Eng- _    '       „      ,       ...     _
...                  ,                 ,_ er, Beverly CormieCt Alice Tour-
Ush means, of   course,   "have   a . „ t.     0 j «.         Mini
tellotte,  Rod Fearn,  Noni  Colqu-
„'  L                            .   ,   _ , houn, Phil Tindle, Phyllis Coult-
He then arose and rushed off to jng Wjn McLeod  Tom ^^
the library, where he waslastseen pub Secretary             BeUy QrMe
investlgating a volume on the love ,;tuff Cartoonist                     Varga
life of Bogdnceg.  Business Manager .... Herr Schacht
305    ^    made    by    Andw; Photography Director ..Col. Shrum
Censor   Bruce Yorke
sim inn -.tP8| ou SB.u jm,i„ RopoI.ter                Kathleen Winsor •
„im*i" i»»i w* •>«<	
,v\t:s'  1  Xpo\ join situ  (i(LU« "That was no lady, that was
Man Goes Out you with last night?"
With Wife "Wh0 ,vas that ,ady ' saw
"Who was that lady I  saw my wife."
you with last night?" M.      Crtsne On*
"That was no lady, that was „,. ,   „«!?
my  wife," With Wife
• THE SOCIETY for thu Piven-
tion of What Shouldn't Happen
to a Dog but Always Does, have
initiated a petition to have th*:
University Player'j Club fr.ee a
firing squad at the parlies' po.^ible
opportunity, as a just reward of:
their horrible massacre of old
Wont Wigglesword'i Taming of the
This agrees perfectly with the
attitude of the Brotherhood of
Dog Catchers, Street Swee^erj
and Hani Actors, which last week
bounced the Player's Club from
next week.
their membership hi the unlou.
An unidentified diamatic cltic,
the only one who liadn't d;*l of
sever indigeston oeiore tne eno of
the first hideous act stated "Bev ■
erly Wilson was the most shrewish shrew I ever witn&i&ed. Her
performance was outdone only by
Jim Argue's dashing portrayal ot
a ham actor at his worst.'
His comments on the 1 est of tne
cast were completely unintelligible, possibly because he Iniisted
on holding his nose. Last rites
for the aherw cast will bt held
backstage at the Beacon sotretimt
•Doten't Mi vole* |mt 'sand* yew?"
•Net oi much at o Swttt Cap"
"The punstform in which tohaceo em be smoked"
Hrs.i • ajn. to S p.m.; Saturdays • am tt noon
Graphic Engineering Paper, Biology Paper
Loose Leaf Refills, Fountain Pens and Ink
and Drawing Instruments
S Pham
9SS-918 GranvUle
Phone PAc. 8581
e   e   e JJ
Scotch tartans .. . knife-
pleated all around or
with pert group pleats
front and back . . . made
ef sturdy wools in colors
that will pep up all your
sports' clothes. Sizes 12
Sttf and 6.50
Stairway to Style
To Fashions    2nd Floor
'""    sxsx\\^^
Information is the business of a picked staff at
the Carrall Street terminus of the B.C. Electric.
They are the quiz-whizzes of Vancouver-
cheerful, courteous and on-the-job with the
answers to transit and other problems. How to
get there; what car to take; where to transfer;
when cars, buses or trams leave—it's all part
of their business. They'll also tell you (if you
, are a stranger) about scenic tours and points
of interest to visit.
•   "THIS UNIVERSITY must bury its dead—" this is the
opinion voiced by President N. A. M. McKenzie to a
deathly-white Board of Governors' meeting held in a little
back room at Centre and Hannah last Saturday night.
Plans for the  setting  aside  of .,
a piece of university land for the
use of the campus dead were discussed at the meeting which closed with prayers for members who
had departed.
Members discussed the COTC
parade square as a possible location for a campus burial ground as
CoL Shrum stated his belief that
the war would end before next
term. Another suggestion for a
plot was the Beta table.
Among prominent members of
tht university who will be laid at
the official opening ol the new
cemetery which will havt guarding the approach a large bluet and
gold arch with the Inscription "It
ls up with you," will be the late
Allan Ainsworth who recently met
an unnatural death at tht hands
of a rival In tht defence of the
principles of campus democracy.
At a martyr Ainsworth will be
conferred with tht honorary degree el Stint at the Fell Congrt-
gatlon, and the dkge "Whispering"
will be played at hit funeral.
Among other deadheads wb«
will he buried at the same time
will bt formerly genial Frank
Underbill who died of a surfeit
He will be placed in a special section reserved for hit customers
who died of similar causes.
15he Rogues Gallery
Aggies Wend Way
After Outing
•   AGGIE   STUDENTS   wended
"their weary ways homeward
yesterday from their annual Aggie Field Day.
Thtlr Uttle Itgs were ired and
their little pink lee were red but
they were happy after their day's
outing at 8yde-road-on-|he-Ma-
Il was to gey," tald John Sparrow, president of the Agglt Dun-
dcrbtaded Society.
Tht students, at la thtlr usual
custom at this timt ol year, travelled to Sydt-Roadt-on-tht-Ma-
rine in one large group of students
oft tht Fraser River trolley.
While there the Aggies took part
ln several contests of animal judging and skills in handling various
h%m Implements,
btmg tht best Judge and Jacklt
Stephenson, Aggie 58 was given
tht blue ribbon lor being the best
A hand-picked team ot Aggie
men was pitted against the henpecked team of the best bulls the
natives could supply In a sling to
the finish batle.
For your
Stationery Supplies
fountain Peng
Slide Rules
Scales, etc.,
ior the present term
550 Seymour St
Vancouver, B.C.
Phone PAciflc 7311
Fraternity and Sorority
Printing and Engraving
Our Specialty
566 Seymour St.
Bloody Raphael
Enbowed Under
Great Difficulties
• IT NEVER RAINS but it pours
could be the motto of Les Raphael, MUS president, today. Calamities of great importance have
hit our little Leslie this week.
First, Mr. Raphael wag informed
that his application for membership ln tht Democraitc Party of
Canada, newly founded in Vancouver, had been refused on the
grounds that he was too well
grounded hi the principles of English grammar.
Next, Mr. Raphael was contracted by the RCMP and apprehended on a charge ot sponsoring
an Opinion Club on tht campus
without authorization by Students
The Fire Department then descended on Leslie's neck and
charged him with interfering with
the department's host.
Hit efforts to establish licensed
premises on the campus wort
thwarted by CURMA.
When Mr. Raphael moved to
adopt a slogan lor ah fresnettes—
"Sweet Sixteen"-Mlss Many
Chances Fumbled objected on th
grounds that coeds were nelthts
Ht tried to Join tht tcltnoe rae*
ulty and was found deficient In
his captcty.
Mr. Raphael wul bt brought before tht Discipline Committee as
soon as one Is established.
Official Contest
Scheduled Twixt
Archers, Rif|ers
• MISS MOORE, official head of
the only official Women's
Official Physical Education Department, enounced officially today to the Official Saturday Night,
official organ of tho official Alma
Mater Society of the official University of British Columbia (official) that there will bt an official,
ly approved competition between
the official Coed Rifle Club arm
an official archery class.
Tht meet will take place officially in the quad April 28 at 2
a.m. with the Rifle Club equipped
with official Sten guns of the official COTC, the archers equipped
with official cross-bows loaned to
the girls with the official aproval
of Richard HI, at twenty official
Official survivors will receive
jffficlal prizes which will be off-
cally announced later.
Lord Ainsworth does not plan to
go to England for his formal Installation until after the cessation
of hostilities In the European theatre, in oredr to save shipping
space fomvltal munitions of war.
THE GOONBYSSEY, MARCH 29, 1945 — Page Throe
•   AMS PRESIDENT Dick Bibbs was stuffed and pickled
today and put on display in the Library Museum among
the Kwakiutl exhibit.
He is listed as Exhibit No. 371-B, AMS President—bungling type, Area—North America. Thrived on babies for break
fast. Now extinct.
The Alma Mater Society announces that, through a special arrangement with the Administration, that the Men's Smoking
Room in the Brock will be open
to students from 8:0 a.m. to 8:40
a.m. Monday through Friday. Various University Organizations
have consented to hold their annual and regular meetings at times
other than between 8:80 and 8:40.
Frank Underbill announces that,
starting next week, the Cafeteria
will serve food from 11:80 to 1:30.
The University Bus Service announces that the B.C. Electric will
run buses from Sasamat to University from 8 a.m. to :25 ajn. on
weekdays. The new service will
start Monday.
Any one dr any thing mentioned ln this issue It purely fictitious.
Any resemblance to persons' living or dead is coincidental and accidental.
In the the parking lot, 1 Caf.
In the Ap.Sclence building, one
liquor permit Owner apply ln
January, 146, to the B.C. Institute
for Alcoholics.
The Arte Building. It Is believed to bt somewhere In the vicinity
ol the Thermodynamics Ub. The
finder will be rewarded a copy of
Maclvor's "Modern State" it Professor Irving it hi Hit building
whtn returned.
The Speak Was Very Glad
To Speak At the Meeting
• I AM VERY glod to be here tonight, said Dr. A. B. Smith,
President of the United Florists Union of the Western
Hemisphere, affiliated with the American Association of Industrial Florists (C.C.A.), in an address to the Canadian Association of Succulent Geranium Leaves, Vancouver Branch,
in Hotel Lotus-Blossom Friday night.
"For years I have followed the
activities of the Canadian Association of Succulent Geranium Leaves
In the good work they have done
throughout Canada and the world,"
1 o said.
"I am especially glad to be able
to speak to you tonight," he said.
"These are curclal times," he
"We must go forward to a new
and better world In which there
shall be a community of Interests
and an understanding of uor fellow man," he said.
"Canada—this glorious nation of
free men—must march on ln thp
sea of opportunity until every Canadian can furl his sails under his
own Applt tree," he said.
"I believe with all my heart in
this," he said.
"I believe you do, too," he said,
"Everyone should," he said.
. "But don't quote me on this," he
Mr. Smith was presented with a
succulent Geranium leaf and a
silver water jug to water his geraniums with, as a token of appreciation for "the good work Mr.
Smith has done in promoting interest in Geranium Leaves the
world over."
"Thank you," Mr. Smith Said.
The main theme of Mr. Smith's
address was that the present government of Canada was a "bunch
of blackguards, grafters, two-timers, nincompoops," and not worthy
ol' a position of bus boy in a farmer's outhouse.
Geranium leaves were given to
all visitors.
A good time was had by all, especially'the reporters, who slept.
• THE SPECTRE of death hovering over the campus filed another notch in his scythe yesterday as he gathered in his thirty-
eighth Varsity student after having eaten lunch ln the Caf for the
first time.
(The victim ate the lunch,—not
the spectre. That is how the spectre got to be a spectre.)
He died in the midst of spasmodic gasps at noon yesterday. In
fact, they were the nearest things
to him at the time of his death.
They didn't help him—they just
gurgled and laughed fiendishly to
the tune of "Did you ever hear a
gasp rasp?"
He laid there on the floor of
the Caf.
Suddenly he twitched — but It
was his last twitch.
The opst mortem, conducted
by    Dr.   Kitchener,   Medical
Health Officer for the University, revealed only the natural
contents of the normal UBC
student's stomach.
These were boiled  grasshopper
legs,   assorted   berries,   solidified
cement particles, one silver spoon
(he was born with it in his mouth
but swallowed it by mistake when
yet   a  child),   one   carnation   all
swimming In alcohol ahd using to
great   advantage   the   Australian
back-over side stroke.
SrotQDt ctawtte
iMt/cti .Mitchell
To-Retake     @, %jy#y
• "I . . . have . . . returned . . .
to . . . take . . . over ... the
. . . office . . . of . . . editor . . .
. . . in . . . chief ... of ... the . .
Publications . .. Board," enounced
Professor Edmund "The Chief
Morrison as he settled himself ln
he swivel chair in the inner odce
of the Pub. "Youse . . . guys • . .
don't . . . know . . . nothing . . .
about . . . grammar"
Morrison, who was head man in
the Pub back in 1926-27, expressed
great dissatisfaction with the stac
for 1945-46 as anounced at the Pub
aBnquet and decided to return
and place the Ubyssey back on its
former high intellectual level His
first official act was to make arrangements for three Issues a day
and four Totems, all of which will
cary literary supplements.
The Chief, profiting by the example of the world's great men
and J. T. Scott, bent all his efforts
toward the seduction of an efficient editorial corpse, sat back and
resigned to the members thereof
the not inconsiderable task of seducing the Ubyssey.
Commenting on his return, The
Chief said, "It . . . should ... be
a . . . a . . . highly . . . inter . . .
shut. . . up . . . over . . . there ..
please . . . Miss . . . Dundas . . .
esting . . . experience."
• "MITCH" MITCHELL, prominent campus fixture, was
found by a Ubyssey reporter Wednesday sobbing bitterly hi a corner of Brock Hall lounge and
pounding the wall with a little
pink fist.
"I am misunderstood," he quavered, his lower Up trembling and
shoulders shaking spasmodically
"My feelings have been hurt,"
he wept.
He then pulled out a tattered
Ubyssey clipping and pointed with
shaking fingers to a well-written
story entitled "Mitch Captures
Thirty Piscatorial Beauties." The
well-written story claimed that
misunderstood Mr. Mitchell claimed that he caught thirty fish in
thirty days on a fishing trip.
"Ever since that story appeared
In your estimable publication," he
stammered, his eyes welling over
with tears, "people have peered
at me and I hove heard them saying to themselves, Vou didn't
catch thirty fish in thirty days.
Even the Employees Credit Union
looks at me and says 'You didn't
catch thirty fish in thirty days."
He pounded the wall again with
his fist and buried his face in n
"1 did catch thirty fish in thirty
days," he wailed,
Man Goes Out
With Wife
Lee Gets Rise
Out of Librarians
• "WHAT IS the Library coming to?" It the question posed
on tht campus this week after Superintends of Grounds, C. B. Lett
issued a shattering press release
to the effect thet the University of
British Columbia library, which
was reported to bt sinking ont
eighth of an u\eh into the ground
two years ago, hat reverted the
procedure and is rising out of the
ground at the rapid rate of two
inches sa hour.
"This will get quite a rite out
of the librarians," primly stated
Dr. Kayt Lamb, who was quite
high whtn being interviewed by
the Ubyssey.
Maximum  Tide—Water up  on
t the beach as far as It will come.
Minimum Tide—Water down on
tht beach at far as lt will go.
Passe-temps Avec
Le Department du
Mauvais Francais
t PARMI toutes les aventures
que la vie nous presents, cells
de rencontrer de nouvelles personnel st clasee p&rml les plus
Interessantes. II nt suftlt pour
s'en convalncre que de frequenter
un endroit asses achalando,
Tout recemment U mo trouvais
dans une sails publlqu* a uno
heure ou 11 y a cohue. Flutflcurs
classes de gens mVntouraioiil et
je me plalsals a Its regarder. ees
anlmaux raiaonnables, commc Ism
quallfle le phllosophe. JtmayaiJ
d'esqulsser un cadre .'maginahe
autour dt ohacun d'eux, de diviner ton occupation suotidienue et
enfln de le placer dans sun milieu
social. J'observals entulte set expressions, set gostes, tea intonations, voire mtmt fa tic*.
C'est tre dlvertiistnt: quand
vous avec une vue d'tntvmblt dt
tout ce qui eareeterise un indWidu,
vous ssntex deja qu'il exist* une
certalne llason lntimt entrt lJi tt
"We had a tough time getting
him," said Dr. Kaye Lambywaml-
klns, head-llbrarlan-ln-chlef-in-
charge-of-books-and • pickling ol
the UBC Library, ''but w» always
get our exhibit"
Dr. Lambywamiklns told Tht
"Used-to-be" that Bibbs protested
to tht last junior member, but was
finally captured on top of tht Stadium flagpole, where he is wont
to tit on sunny afternoons.
"But I wo coming back lor a
second term," ht ejaculated. 4fs
been such great fun. Don't you
think we need a new May Pole?
There's entirely too many Bruot
Yorkts around here."
'It's a great day lor btbtet,"
commented Dr.' Lambywainlkint.
Prof. Irving, agreed with him.
•   CHARLES B. WOOD, registrar, gave a statement to tot
press today.
"The University of EC. will hold
a summer session this year,'" tht
statement said,
"The British Columbia Government ls expected to makt a grant
of money to the University toon "
the statement continued.
"We wish everybody a Merry
Christmas," the statement concluded.
Wear A
• THE FIRST Canadian to be
honored by appointment to the
office of Poet Laureate is a Vancouver born student at the University of B.C., Alan Harrison
His appointment was announced
Immediately after the former Poet
Laureate, John Masefleld, resigned
the office, stating, "I ieel that I
can no longer continue with honor to hold an office which Mr.
Ainsworth is obviously so much
better qualified to fill. He ls a
combination of all the perfections
of Shakespeare, Chaucer, Milton,
Spenser, Wordsworth, Dryden,
Shelly, and Openshaw.
When interviewed by the Ubyssey, Ainsworth, who will hereafter
be known as Alan, Lord Ainsworth, Earl of Cloves, announced
his intention to retire from public life, In order to complete his
first narrative poem, "The Bitch
in the Ditch," a sequel to Scott n
"The Lady of the Lalke."
Although he has long enjoyet
considerable local notoriety, thc
new Poet Laureate was comparatively unknown in poetic circles
until the publication of his "The
Return," which was immediately
hailed as the fulfillment of all
that modern poetry has been working towards.
It was this poem, which has o<ren
been discussed in the, Hous* of
Commons, that gave to the English language the immortal lines
"Grieve not, sore heart, fo^ nevermore shall we enduro a separation," which have caused a drop
in the divorce rate of more than
40 per 1,000.
Singing in the Rain!
And why not—when crystal raindrops are the
perfect foil for raincoats bright with color!
Choose YOUR favourite color—and laugh at
April showers!
—Forever-Young Shop, Third Floor.
T^ntaon'*<Batj[ (Jmtqmiqi.
>rat> em vsnt tmftx
the gOSpel . . . with Mary Ann    PEEPER THE GOONBYSSEY, MARCH 29,1945 — Page Four
Sick To Bring PCL Club Here
• SEATTLE— (CUP)—March 29—Emil Sick, prominent Northwest Brewery operator and
owner of the late Capilano Stadium was dealt another great blow early last night when
his palatial ball park in Seattle mysteriously went up in smoke. The conflagration, which
was visible for miles around the Puget Sound metropolis, was finally brought under control after equipment was rushed in from the nearby city of Everett, but by then it was too
late to save any of the million dollar stadium.
the gospel
according to
TODAY is here, or rather tonight Is here at last for tonight is tht night that a Ubyssey
sports editor dreams about. This
ii tht night when the final Issue
goes to press, and for some ungodly reason they call this final el-
fort thi "Ooon" lime.
This is tht night when spoils
tditort and senior editors, aud
even copy boys, forget all tuelr
utual worrits ss thty slap the
sheet together in record tinvj loi
what may call a "bang-up" evening.
SVg a sight tor ssntimtnteiism
as pubster weeps on pubster's
shoulder and kisses the old pub
goodbye as salty droplets slide
down ink-stained cheeks. Yes,
hell wash those smudges of printer's ink from his lace, but he
can't got it out of hit blood.
It'll j» worst than tvtr tonight,
lor with Cheery Chuck home w
leave- ^o set us through that lnal
tvtning with JT and DB and JO
and all the rest ol them, the teen
will flow like wine and vice versa.
It reminds mt of those tenti-
mantel celumnt Chuck ones wrote
oh this vtry sports past ....
"sob ... sob . ..glub ... glub ...
sad stuff . .. play mt some more
Ellington . . . you're tearing my
heart out"
And then tlm we* Chuck's
slave on that last epic, but *he
last column. Ht wowttff like a
couldn't say what ht meant, snd
ht ended up with those famous
last words . . . 'There, IV said
It, Good-bye, kiddies."
He sal it, but im not going to be
like him. I'm not gomg to have
sny last words, let alone famous
last words. After all, Miss Dundas (have to be formal now that
she's going to be the new god),
has a copywrlght on a column-
head which says "The Last Word."
But speaking of last words reminds me of a famous poem. 1
cannot recall the poet's name . .
I never was an English student
But the poem 1* a masterpiece. In
fact, it's sn epic.
Such a work aa this comes only
onct in tht lifetime of a genius.
Evtn the title of the piece has a
lilt of testacy. It is a simple title,
hut lt expresses the) theme of the
poem almost at well ss the
rhyme itself.
Doubtless tht poet sat up all
night groping lor a title for his
masterpiece, but finally he came
Up with the stirring phrase, "Reflections on Breaking the Ice."
It wet such a stirring title that
it stirred me to go on and read
the poem in spite of the fact that
I learned to hate all poetry back
In the days of English 2. I was
stirred even more, in fact, I was
thrilled to the bone when I went
on to read the masterpiece. . . .
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
There, I've said it.  Goodbye kiddies.
Mike: "f u ne x"
Molly: "a v f x."
Mike: "f u ne m?"
Molly: "s v f m."
Mike: "o k, 1 f m n x.'
... ecw/y ttyniam
Rowers To Row
Against U.W.
It Says Here
Joe Blow's note: This story ls
• WASHINGTON'S Huskies are
in for a stiff downhill water
fight on Easter Saturday when
UBC's junior rowing crew trios
again ln their annual competition
against Gossta Erlksen't well
known eight
The Blue and Gold oarsmen
from "the bottom of Blenheim
Street", havt been preparing all
year for this event and are hoping
to come back with more than
freshwater blisters for their efforts.
This meet on Lake Washington
will be a gruelling mile and a
quarter of co-ordination and stamina,  for competitive sculling is
considered to be one of the most
exacting of sports that can be used
to develop any man's muscles.
Varsity's crew is In for a hot
2000 metres as the Huskies are
from all accounts the best college scullers on this continent.
Stroked by veteran Norm Denk-
man, the UBC rowers will be
working together for the first time
although most have had experience
in other competitions.
Chris Tripp, coxswain for the
crew, had a little bad luck a while ,
ago as he lost his lucky cap overboard during a training bout with
the "muddy Fraser."
The oarsmen hold him personally responsible for this and,
disregarding the old custom of
dunking only the winning cox
in the briny, the scullers
threaten to throw him In win
or lose.
Scullers taking part in this weekend's regatta include—Morm Denk-
man, Harry Castillou, Bob Marshall, Bill Ross, Eraser MacLean, Al
Frazee, Johnny Frazee, Ross Kerr,
Pete Graham and coxswain Chris
• ACCORDING to latest reports
which have drifted west from
the mid-comtlnental port of wina-
sor, consumption college, top flight
hooping club in eastern canada.
cant com west to meet the vahslty
The fault does not lie with com-
sumptlon however, they couldnt
And a forth for bridge so com-
sumptlon set in.
But lukey q. moyls, manager fo
the tenderblrds says he wired stan
q. nantais to see If consumption
etui take the ubs casaba kids to
the Ontario metropolis for thc
Championship serious.
Everybuddy Is looking forward
eagerly with anxiety to the com-
sumptlon conch's correspondence
which will give thc telltale Indication us to weather their will bee
a championship serious or no.
Authorities are lead to believe
that there might be sabotage involved, suspecting some underground character who ls attempting to remove Mr. Sick from the
baseball picture in this part of
the country. Strong opposition
points to Mr. Schiltz, of the Schlltz
Brewing Corporation of Los Angeles, who was several weeks ago
quoted as saying "I'm glad to hear
that Sick lost the aVncouver part
of his interests and I wouldn't be
surprised if other strange developments take place in the near
When contacted by the Seattle
representative of BUP, Mr. Sick
stated that he will continue with
his plans to rebuild and enlarge
on the new Canadian baseball park
It was planned to have the nev
park completed by the early part
of June but now that the Seattle
Stadium Is a total loss Mr. Sick
stated, "I have already engaged
several thousand builders in the
two cities and because new materials are unobtainable here ln the
States I shall take advantage of
the surplus In Canad and commence work immediately up
"This should mean, and it
will be good news to the Vancouver baseball fans, that my
team In the Pacific Coast League will be playing up in Vancouver this year.  I have already   contacted   Bob   Abel,
President of the PCL and he
has said that I will have no
trouble transferring the franchise over the border."
"By bringing into Canada extra
builders" added Emil Sick, "I hope
to have the new park operating
for the fans in about a month".
Prefabricate  and  new methods
gained  from the eminent Henry
Kaiser will enable the park to be
constructed in record time."
Of special interest to the Vancouver Baseball fans and particularly students at the University of
British Columbia will be the start-
ling announcement that three of
her loyal sons will be performing
on home territory during the summer campaign. Reg Clarkson and
Sandy Robertson, Stalwart Thunderbird hoopsters and their genial
coach Maury Van VUet were revealed to have signed the dotted
line for Mr. Sick last week.
The Seattle promoter had planned to keep this a secret for a
couple of weeks until more of his
players had affixed their names
to contracts but because of the
surprise development last night
and the sudden change of the franchise to Vancouver, Mr. Sick revealed the news.
Thwat means kwiddies, thwat
v/e shwould thee thome thwell
baseball here this summer. I can
hardly wait—to get out of here
when someone reads this.
Stop Press
(This is True)
• UBC STUDENTS will  be more
than   slightly  elated   to   know
that-   Ralph   "Hunk"    Henderson.
former  star  of  the   Thunderbird
Basketball  outfit,   has   been   freed
from an Eastern Germany  prison
camp by Russian troops, alter more
than    two   years    behind    enemy
Ifi'bed  wire.


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