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The Ubyssey Feb 21, 1933

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 W^l—_'ii»
V-% ii Irgam
Issued Twice Weekly by the Students' Publications Board of The University of British Columbia
_a-«8--_g--_-S-__H-g-B_gg--_M-t-M
VANCOUVER, B.C, TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 21,1039 '
No. 31
J   §1]
Universe^for
Victoria Man Heard By Largest
Attdiestte of Year in DiMug.
tier tttntet-gtellar Nebula*
BY GERALD PBIVO W   ,
"Iolanthe" mot competition on
Saturday night from * stoop-shoul.
derad, genial Uttle man ln Arts 100.
ftt tnd no fairy wand, m owed IS*
strumtftts, no colorful costumn; on
the ttoteary, he asked his audienct
to fellow Urn Into the farthest deserts of matheihatlcd hynotbtsis. m
Ar. Ptaifcett, of the Dominion Astro-
phyrioal Obstrvatory In Victoria
tftokt on "«hi» Expanding Unlvtm."
Though a large proportion of his
bsarara certainly failed to f oUow hit
mathematics, Dr. Plaskett wm probably as untechnicd m the subject
aUowtd and made his main points
doer to eytryont.
. ||g konsn by dssorlblnM the soird
nsfculae, thon "funy" atari which
really era etlaxln m bis M our so-
lar system. Spectrum sUdn of timt
(cm of them tektn by W. H. Chris-
MfcPJIC, graduate ln physics)
show Ma shift to the rod" which ap-
panntly Indlutn that tht ntbulaa
are mevfcif away from'us at spttds
of from MOO to 1,800 nUtet a ncond
Hi s^JMli-ism tiie farther they
jL^JLp.   J__i_____L i»V_L__e__ -■.- ^^.ImjA*
eSmm. ■-——a -..'_____■. vflBnn.
-U tkb Is so, tht unlvtm Is ox-
. pandtnf ^ it what. fir. Plaskatt called
"an alwmmgly rapid rate." It need
hardly worry this generation, bow-
till, for he laid that it would take
14,060,KWI yttn for lt to double
ito radius.      *- .
Hera Dr. Wgakttt out Into tho meat
of his disoourn, figurn and formulae mads lt pettty unpalatable for'
a laymen, but the ttstnet of it wm
a ravteW of raoont attempts to rec-
oncUe th* fkWMte of an expanding
unlvern with the "apace-time" universes postulated by Einstein and De
Sitter about IS years ago m an outgrowth of the famous relativity
theory.
Einstein's world contained matter
and no motion; De Sitter's world contained motion and no matter. Both
Introduced a new dimension, time,
which wm added to the famUlar dimensions of length, width and depth
to make a four-dlmenslonal, space-
time world In which straight lines
produced far enough returned to
their starting points and pardlel lines
came together.
"Our three-dimensional minds cannot envisage such a world aa that,"
sdd Dr. Plaskett, "but I am going to
show you a Uttle 'parlor trick' which
witt perhaps help you to see that
such things may be.
"Take a rectangular shed of paper.
For convenience, its length shoud be
about three times its width. Bring
the two ends together. Twiri one of
them through 180 degrees and then
join it to the other end. The resulting figure has some of the prop-
ertin of the Einstein unlvern. A
straight line drawn on the paper
comn back to its starting point, and
paraUel lines (the two edges of the
paper) come'together. Try It yourself."
In his concludon, however, Dr.
Plaskett stressed the hypothetical
nature of all then theories, and nid,
"Space, as far as a mere observational
astronomer Uke myself can see, is
Euclidean and three-dimensional."
Co-edg are frantically going over
thdr lists te sited tht lucky man for
the third of next month, while tht
malt notion of this Ulustrlous snt
of Iteming comparn notes and
shakes In ite shots.
The Co-edg have decided that by
omitting the usud hectic supper and
maintaining a prkt of two doUars
en tickets, an additiond two hundred dollars wiU be gained for thi
Women's Union BuUdlng Fund, so
this year rtvtUtrt wttl emerge hungry but at laid Whole.
Jackie Fowler and his orchutra
wttl provide the rhythm and after
a half-way intermission co-eds who
have been unabla to procure the nee
essary and have attended two-on-a-
ticket witt be permitted to cut ln
trpm a stag-Una which it Is hoped
wttl not bt overly long.
Tickets wiU be on sale at the end
of this week in the quad box-office
or from any member of the executive.
SHRUG-
TO OFFER
PEP ME
Dave Brock and Teddy Clerk in Charge of
w Which Will Feature Chorus,
lurk Pavilion
lid
"When Greek meets Greek" was
tho order of tho day Saturday afternoon at the Stanley Park Pavilion
when, dttpite postponement of th*
MeXtohnit Cup fixture, tin lasrin
of Ktppa Alpha Thtte spread tht
Varrity dudent body to a spot of
tiie dansant, in the caun g( pweri
charity.       "" ...-~..*«t.|.,^  .
Every organization on the campus
wm represented m about 800 of the
boys and girls, oblivious to any previous differences, rubbed the friendliest of shoulders, to rhythm supplied by Harold King, Jack Emerson,
Malcolm Pretty, and Keith Jackson.
Tea was nrved In a buffet style
by Alumnae Thetaa. Featured on
the menu wm "German food" which,
shorn of Its disguise, resolved itself
into bologna on brown bread. Attractive girls pasaed the dainties.
Dancing in the bdlrooom began at
3. Theta "kites," in the shape of thoir
pin, hung from various corners of
the room, while two errant balloons
hung from the ears of a wistful and'
decidedly doggy-looklng moose. Don't
ask how they got there!
About half way through tht pro
ceedlngs the aforementioned co-eds
went to work with raffle tickets with
"Brother Can You Spare a Dime" as
their theme song. Some China and
an evening bag were raffled off by
Bertie Barrett, and (strangely
enough) won by brothers Gibb Henderson and Jim BeddaUs.
Highlight of the mudcd program
wm Jack Emerson's rendition of Ids
own composition, with appropriate
choruses in an Anglo-Brooklyn accent by his henchman Sonny Richardson.
At 7:80 the party broke up and
conscience - stricken Greeks went
home to work on term essays.
Friday afternoon at 12:15 graduates and active members of
the EngUsh Rugby Club wiU unite to present 0$ of their famous
Rugby Club Pep Meetingg.
The chow, which will be under the guidance of grads Dave
Brock and Teddy Clark, will be advance ballyhoo for tht important McKechnie Cup fixture which the first string squad will
play against Vancouver at Brockton Point next Saturday.
Weather conditions prevented the game being played last week,
but with a steady series of gym practices, the team has been rapidly rounding into good shape.
DIRECTOR     )
Junion and Senion on tho campusf
wUl remember the colorful shows
that tiw Rugby Club has put on in
the past, and it is sdd that this
year's show WiU even surpsn their
bod efforts.
Male Chorus
One of tho regular foaturas witt bo
maintained when II ttelwarts wttl attempt to put 'Iolanthe" to shame
with their stirring renditions of
somewhat lighter songs in variegated
tenors and tug-boat bassos. Rousing
bear chorusn wttl be Intermingled
with dlttin which, it Is rumoured,
will poke dy fun at the Alma Mater
lights. Tha famous "Rugby Club"
will fll ths "theme song," and the
boys wiU be accompanied in att than
numbers by that maestro of the Ivories, John EUiot Emerson (jud cab
mt Jno.)
ful 6-plece orchestra, but Preddent
Esson Young in an exclusive interview this morning refused to divulge
the name of the organization, wishing to keep it m a big surprise.
Brock To Star
Humor wUl bo added to the program by two of the mod famous
humorists that ever Inhabited the loed campus—Dave Brook and Toddy
Clark. It Is possible that Brock may-
hi prevailed upon to prtttnt ont ot
his one-act, one-man, one-plot, one-
hone "dramas," with sounds and effects by D .Brock, directed by D.
Brock, and starring D. Brook. He
Witt be assisted in this end of the
show by two members of the present team, Howie Cltvtlahd and Art
Mercer, who wttl outeanter Cantor
In an effort to rain the odd bit of
a chuckle tor tho programmy. Yowsah!
"Bugbyssey" Friday"
Rehearsals are going on every day
in att parts uf the Univtnlty, and
scouts inform tho Ubysny that thi
Chen Club is thinking seriously of
Music will be furnished by a youth-jltJrporting the ihahy Intrusions into
their sacred grounds.
Members of the Club wiU also put
out a supplement to the Ubysny on
Friday next, to be known as tbe
"Rugbysny."
Letters Club
Open to Eight
"For Sinners Only"
Topic V.C.U. Meet
Recently Dean Quainton gave an
addren to the students on the Oxford Group Movement. On Wednesday, in Arts 204, at 12:10, at an open
meeting of the V.C.U. Rev. Alex Esler, D.D., will speak on the same
subject, discussing the philosophy of
the recent widely read book, "For
Sinners Only." It should be Interesting to contrast the viewpoints of
these two divines, and their interpretation of the book.
Dr. Esler Is a well known minister
of this city. His sons have lately
scored successes in artistic productions at the University. R. M. Esler was
Earl ToUoller in Iolanthe, and several characters in the French Clubs'
"Chansons du Vleux Bon Temps,"
while Reynolds Esler took a part in
the Players' Club Christmas production of "The Thread of Scarlet."
The Varsity Christian Union cordially Invites all students to hear
Rev. Eder discuss the obsequious
topic of the Oxford Group Movement, their methods and views.
CO-ED BALL MAR. 3, AUDITORIUM
Exchange Views
BY NANCY MILES
Breaks
Here are two relevant Items for
you cynics who believe passing is
simply a matter of breaks, and study
has nothing to do with it.
A college paper reports that the
Co-op book balcony where males
used to predominate In a ratio of
three to one has been replaced by a
female balance ot the same ratio.
Also reported Is the fact that the
scholastic average of women at an
American college is three points
above that of the men.
The flaw ln the dory is that the
first item was picked up on the Oregon campus, whUe the second occurred at Whitman College, Walla
Walla,  Washington.
There's no moral.
Outcasts
Your exchange tycoon pointed out
several weeks ago the new born
walla of two Independent college
magazines. "Black Sheep" and "Alarm Clock," published by two prominent eastern Canadian Universities.
And here's something to add to the
dory.   The ade of then magazines
Those interested in the dudy of
literature as a joy will be able to
register thaf interest ln a concrete
form by applying to Ann Fulton,
secretary of the Letters Club, not
later than five o'clock this afternoon.
There are eight vacancies In the
club, four for men and four for
women. Applicants mud be sophomores, proceeding to the work of
the third year. Majoring or honoring in EngUsh, while having a certain advantage, is by no means absolutely necessary, tiie prime requisite being a genuine intend in the
object of the club, mentioned above.
The Letters Club is one of the
olded campus organizations, and
membership in it had been prized
tor many yean. While tho active
undergraduate membership is limited to thirty, there is an dumni
branch of the society which hn this
year been delving into the mysteries
of the new humanism.
Seniors Search
Solemnly For
Spondulicks
SYDNEY RISK
foUowing his suecen m director
Of "Alln-Sit-By-the-Flre" lad ynr,
Sydney Risk, graduate of Arts '30,
hag been swarded directorial dutin
tills year with the Players' Club of-
faring "Alibi." Only two of this
year's ead of fourteen have appeared
in Spring Rays before, but under
Risk's gtiidlng, executive of the
dub are confident that tho new
memben wUl uphold tht high stand-,
ard set in the past eighteen years.
Rthtartals art being hold dally with
the flrd show a scant three wttkt
off.
Three Final
Spring
to
UNIVERSITY ENGINEERING SOC.
IUustrated Lecture
Speaker: Brig.-General Sir Charteo
Delme RadcUffe, K.C.M.G., C.B.C.,
V.O., Subject: "A New Method of
Three-dlmtariond Acrid Surveying," Time: 4>09 p.m., Thursday, February 23, Place: AppUed Science 189.
CHEMISTRY SOCIETY
On Wednesday, February 22, Dr.
Seyer will address an open meeting
of the Chemistry Society, In Science
300, at 3 p.m. The subject of his
talk wUl be, "High Pressure Process
in Chemical industry." This should
prove highly Interesting and Instructive considering the importance of
these methods in industry today. All
students are welcome and a special
Invitation Is extended to the student
body to attend this meeting.
Seniors are again caUed upon
coma across, according to Iii Scott,
secretary of Arts '33. Second term
feu are just another thing for the
greyheaded oldsters to worry about
from now on.
A ray of hope appears on the horizon for the nattered few who wiU
be able to dig up before March It;
then wUl get a reduction of fl.00,
which Is no small help to the penurious would-be grads. Than who have
not yet paid thdr flrd term allotments have the double load te bear.
The Depression is something awful.
Second term fen alone are |4.00.
For the whole year, 88.00. A table
wttl be placed at the bottom of the
Caf. stairs on Thursday and Friday
noons to accomodate tiie hoards.
PLAYERS' CLUB
A mod important meeting of the
Players' Club will be held ln Arts
108 today, when aU memben of the
Club wUl be obliged to attend. BUl
Cameron wttl open the meeting
with a brief talk and wUl Intro-
dun Prof. F. G. C. Wood, for 15
yean honorary president of the
Club, who wUl speak on certain
vital matters. Tickets for tho
Spring Play wttl probably be distributed.
CO-ED BALL MAR. 3, AUDITORIUM
COMING EVENTS
TODAY-
S. C. M. Lecture, Aggie 180,
noon.
BasketbaU, Vanity vs. Sparlings, V. A. C. Gym, 8 p.m.
WEDNESDAY-
V. C. U. Lecture, Arte 201,
ties wish to make clear the fact that
the magazines are not sanctioned by
nor under control of their respective
unlverdty authoritin.
So "Alarm Clock" goes the way of
all alarm clocks, off the bedside
table and out the Window, and the
"Black Sheep" must cry Into its beer
on the curb or nek new pastures.
hn been forbidden on  t'„   McGill ___________________
catepus.   It seems that tt. _uthorl- CO-ED BALL MAR. 3, AUDITORIUM
Ad Club Meeting, Art Gallery, 8:07. Mrs. J. C Boll: "Early
EngUsh Water Cdors."
Arts '34 draw, noon.
THURSDAY-
PacWc Area Meeting at 1185
Wed ltth Avenue. Paper: "Aspects of Japaneee Poetry."
FRIDAY-
Pep Mooting, English Rugby
Club, U
Frances Mclntyre, Jacque McGregor and Bann Matthison
Successful in Try-outs
Find nttiement of throe parts
which had boon bothering him tor
some thrae wttks waa madt last Friday by Sydney Risk, director cf "Alibi," tin Players' Club offering for
this Spring.
Competition for the part of Flora,
daughter of the murdered man, wm
close between Frances Mclntyre and
Jacquie McGregor, with the former
getting the caU as a result of Friday's try-outs. Miss McGregor, who
wm also trying for the part of Margot, vivacious French maid, was
awarded this part in competition
with Min AUce Daniels.
1 The parts of Sir WUUam Talbot and
Hammond, the family solicitor, will
ef necessity, be "doubled" when the
company goes on tour in May, and it
wm to find the man who could most
suitably play both parts that Rann
Matthison and WUUam Whimster
were caUed on Friday. Matthison
wm finaUy adjudged most suited to
play both parte on tour, but hi the
six Vancouver-and-vicinity shows, he
will play only the part of Mammond
while Whimster will play the part
of the murdered man, Sir Talbot.
With a complete cad now assigned,
Sydney Risk is looking for much
mora progress, dthough the cad hn
been rehearsing daUy for approximately thrae weeks. AU three soenn
of the play have been gone over,
and the cad is concentrating on the
somewhat elaborate "mechanics."
Lengthy Saturday afternoon rehearsals are now in order, and with a
complete cast letter-perfect on linn,
much work should be accompUshtd.
The show opens In the Unlverdty
Theatre March 13, where it wiU run
for four nights, but It wttl be played
twin prior to this, In North Vancouver and Naw Westminster.
Sydney Risk wlshn it to be clearly understood that the {day "Alibi"
which is to be presented by the
Players' Club, hM never been presented before In Vancouver and that
there is no connection between it
and the play cdled "The Perfect
Alibi," which has been staged by the
Vancouver Little Theatre in this
city.
Junior
Jangle
Friday
Tickets at Premium For Party
Draw Scheduled For Wednea-
day—Decorations Featured
—Big Crowd Expected
Junion arc trodding the campus
with haughty main and upturned
none u the fen for their Junior
from continue to pour ln inceaaant
streams into the capable hands of
fnaaurar Jack Shaneman. With the
revolt but throe days off, tiie proul
ind txclurivt members of tho Clan
of '14 are rtmtmbtrtng with score
tht troubles of tht combined Frosh-
Soph classes, whtn thdr recent hectic
meetings wore hdd.
-lie draw wUl bt hdd In Arts 108
tomorrow, and wUl bt conducted by
the Honorary Pnridtat of tin Class,
Dr. Shrum, who lus anund dl eon-
etrntd timt everything wUl be open
and above board. Nan's namn wffl
_? ^WB %J" lM|Mmim_t of
the Class, Olive Norgrove.
In tht meantime, members of tiw
executive are going ahead with extensive plans which thty art confident wiU make the Junior Prom
tin outstanding Clan Party of tht
year. Rumor has it thit the dd of
tho Sciencemen wttl bo enlisted In
arranging to have the "dance barometer" on hand. Programs wUl feature tho "Junior Prom" motif, and
if possible battoont wttl be floating
In every nook and cranny of tiie fa-
teens Commodore. An Arts '84 banner wttl vie with U.B.C. flag for
supremacy in podtion over the heads
of Oley Olaan and his boys, who
wiU supply tiie rhythm that made
them so popular when they appeared
at the BasketbaU Pop Meeting of a
few wttks ago.
A rit-dowa supper, with individud
groups gathering in • sort of cabaret
style, wUl bo another feature. Prom
10 to 10:30 tht Commodore orchestra
wUl go on the air for thdr regular
CNRV broadcad, so memben of the
Frosh, Soph and Senior classes may
stay at home and tune ln on the fun.
It Is rumoured however, that an extra fifty tickets were printed and
wUl nil to fortunate members of
other classes tor $2.00 each.
At the executive table wttl dt the
guiding lights of the clan and patrons Dr. and Mrs. Shrum, and Dean
Bollert.
Prominent Varsity
Athlete Recovering
Haddon Agnew, prominent Varsity
and provincial track and field star,
and holder of the Varsity discus record, is at present convalescing at
home, after spending a week In the
Vancouver General Hospital, as a
result of an operation for appendicitis. He is feeling as cheerful as
ever, and should be back at the University ln a week or so. The probability of Haddon competing In his
chosen events this Spring wUl be
very remote, and ao Varsity wiU miss
one of her bed all-round competitors.
ENGINEERS   OPEN   HOUSE   DAY,
MARCH 11, 1833, SATURDAY
AFTERNOON AND EVENING
Williams Sustains
Shock at Iolanthe
On the lad night of "lolanthe"-
Saturday—the opera proceeded apparently without a hitch. Tho characters, reUeved of the obUgation of
preserving their voices for another
exacting performance, allowed their
voicn more liberty than on previous
nights, and raised tht roof in thtir
lusty, carefree peons. They did not
know, and Uttlt did the charmed
audience guen that a catastrophe
had almori prevented the performance.
For the Director of the opera, Mr.
Haydn Williams, ln stepping up to
his dais, apropos of conducting the
overture, most unfortunately dipped
Into the orchestra pit, In hla faU sustaining a serious bruin on his back.
Mr. Williams, despite an acute shock,
refused to retire, or even not, but
Insisted on starting the performance.
As the evening progressed the
hurt became more and more of a
trld to the conductor, and proved
so serious an Impediment that at the
close of the last Act he was too weak
to mount the stairs.
Throughout the evening Mr. Williams had given no intimation or visible evidence of his handicap, and
it was with some shock that the
truth was learned.
Engineers To Hold
Open House Day
Opportunity will be given those
interested in the work of the AppUed Science Faculty to view at close
quarters, the work which ia being
conducted by the faculty. Tiw plan
is an Engineers' Open House Day, on
March 11, sponsored by the loed Engineering Soddy, under the presidency of Norman Brookes.
Visitors will be conducted through
all the engineering labs, where interesting experiments, will be performed.
The plan is approved by the Board
of Governors and hn the support of
the members of the Faculty cf Applied Science. Page Two
THE UBYSSEY
Tuesday, February 31,1933
Sty* Shpugj
<Member C.I.P., P.I.P.A.)        Telephone: Point Grey 208
Issued twice weekly by tht Studtnt PubUcations Board
of the Alma Mater Sodety of the Unlverdty of British
Columbia, Vancouver, B.C.
MaU Subscriptions: $2.00 per year
! ' Campus Subscriptions: $1.00 per year
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF-F. St John Madeley
SENIOR EDITORS
Tunday: Stuart Keate Friday: Norman Hacking
Sport Editor: Day Washington
News Manager: Frances Lucas
Associate Edlton: Archie Thompson and John Cornish
Associate Sport Edltoni Arnold White, Christie Fletcher
literary Editor: Kay Crotby Feature Editor: Guy Palmar
Assistant Editors: Jack Stanton, Zoo Browne-Clayton,
Boyd Agnew, David Jacobson
Exchange Editor: Nancy MUn
Free Lannsi E. J. Costain and A. Mayn
Office Assistant! Janet Hlgglnbotham.
REPORTOR1AL STAFF
Gtntral: Mary Cook. Darrel Oomery^Joanne I*»kema*.
Shaw, Eeperance Blanchard, Doric McDiarmid, W. H.
B^tfST Edgar Vlck, Tod Mdtaliy, Vivian Ltxltr,
Gerald Pravod, Daisy MacNdU, Murray Hunter.
Spirit Jimmy Moyn, Collii Milne, Ttd WUWnson, Wek
Briggs, Howard Jones, Harry Jaeksort, Dick Bison, Joan
Root, Kay Stewart
TOTEM STAFF
Editor Pst Kerr
Anodate Edlton: Virginia Cummings and Leona Nelson
Ruth Maddsy and Hedley 8. Fowler
BUSINESS STAFF
Buslnen Manager: Reg. Prlee.
Circulation Manager: J. Balcombo.
Circulation Assistants: C. Torapklnson, Alex Wood and
Elmtr Stopewun^____^___^
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 21,1938
ELECTION RUMBLINGS
Council elections are only three weeks
away now and it is therefore up to the students
"to put on their thinking caps" and consider
who should manage their affairs for the years
1933-34. For with such difficult questions as
the stadium problem to be solved, and with
Alma Mater Society revenues curtailed, it is
extremely important that worthy successors
to this year's Council should be chosen.
And not only do the internal affairs of the
atudent organization require the most capable
administrators possible, but the relations of the
university to the rest of the province will also
depend on the sagacity and diplomacy of the
incoming representatives of the Alma Mater
Society.
The university has succeeded so far in
weathering the difficulties imposed by a $200,-
000 budget cut, but this has been made possible only by heroic sacrifices on the part of
staff and students, and any further grant reduction would amount to the ruin of the institution. It is therefore important that the new
councillors should constantly bear in mind the
necessity of retaining public opinion in our
favor. In every question requiring their decision they should consider first of all whether
it will have a favorable or unfavorable effect
on the feeling of the province as a whole towards the university. Thus in electing officers
next month the students must remember that
their own fates as students may be hanging in
the balance.
TORONTO LEADS
The Ubyssey has received word of an interesting undergraduate plan from Toronto
which is worth consideration by the local
powers that be.
It concerns a vocational guidance scheme,
the object being to prevent square pegs getting
into round holes. The system under which
it operates is this: lectures on what different
business positions entail are given by men
shortly out of University.
The lecturers are men who are definitely
"on the way" but who have not yet "arrived."
It is felt that those who are still struggling for
success have a closer insight into their troubles
than those whose troubles are past. Hence
these young men are enabled to tell of their
own difficulties in a much more vital manner
than would be the case if a successful man
were lecturing.
Students are formed into groups and the
lecturers lead discussion, thus the student is
given the opportunity of learning what he
thinks he is most suited for.
If it is at all possible a report in the news
columns, giving greater details of the scheme,
will be published in the near future.
It might be worthwhile for some enterprising candidate for L. S. E. to include the inauguration of a similar scheme on this campus
as a plank in his election platform.
occasional
Observations
By FRANCES LUCAS
GAINFULLY PUTTING PEOPLE TO WORK
The group of service and other clubs
throughout the city who are sponsoring the
plan which goes under the above name, are
doing a valuable service to the community.
In case any one doubts that this plan can
be put into operation effectively, it needs but
to remind them that a similar plan put into effect in Portland, Oregon, produced pledges for
work aggregating thirty-two millions of dollars.
Relief costs were reduced in the Rose City and
the general tone of business greatly improved.
The participation of students in the local
LITERARY INSANITY
It seems, according to the latest "Exchange
Views," that McGill sports a Dada-ist. No,
that is not a misprint, nor even a joke. There
tae such things, according to an article in the
quarterly review "Scrutiny," lent to me by
Professor Larsen. And the majority of their
work is even less comprehensible than the
". .. brute dullness. Far off yell. Noise. Urges.
Water smell," etc., of "Random Verse."
Oada was a literary movement which flourished in Paris during the war years, says Henri
Fluchere, who is an adherent of its successor,
Surrealisme. Surrealisms is apparently a sort
of spiritualized Dadaism, and not nearly so interesting, though probably a little more understandable.
It Is enlightening, not to say startling, to
realise that such things have a place in the
modern literary world. The first reaction ia to
call them ridiculous to the point of revolting.
This is still my own reaction, in spite of the
apparent seriousness with which they are
treated by European intellectuals. It makes
one consider rather apprehensively the dictum
of Henry Morton Robinson, who saya that in
seventy-five years, if present rates of increase
continue, one-half of the population of the
United States will be in insane asylums. For
gurely in literature like thig there Is no element
of the sane.
0-0
REALLY, E.N.B.!
If I were a member of the faculty of U.B.C.
and saw tiie Provincial thumbnail-sketcher,
E. N. B., heading my way, notebook in hand,
I should flee precipitately to the farthest and
darkest corner of some safe professorial refuge. He seems to have the uncannieat faculty
of hitting the wrong nail soundly on the head,
at least three times over in a single article,
whether intentionally or not it is difficult to
know.
His latest effort is a piece about Dr. W. N.
Sage, who appeared in a Sunday Magazine
section lately. "Falstaffian Sage," he dubs our
genial historian. Not that I have a great affection for Sir John, that immense intellectual
antic; but I have yet to see any contemporary
parallel to him, and I certainly fail to see more
than the faintest and most superficial resemblance between him and Dr. Sage!
E. N. B.'s further cracks about the handicaps involved in being born in Ontario, the son
of an Anglican clergyman, and about teaching
in Calgary being as bad as the World War, are
no doubt humourous in intent, but were unappreciated by me. I don't know why this is so,
for I invariably get the point of the Muck Page;
but perhaps in this case the comparison is
odious.   'Scuse me, Guy.
Anyway, I register an objection to our best
profs, being anathematized thus. It ain't so.
O — O
APES ON VARSITY
My good friend "Apes" is going big-time!
(Or is it "good-time?") I must say, Apes, that
your attitude at times seems to verge on the
disrespectful. What are the taxpayers going
to say when they read of you comparing our
"pocket-edition Olympus" to a flock of vultures whose antics are "somewhat amusing"?
And the idea of dismissing the St - - - - m as
something which has a high green fence around
it and should be converted into a swimming-
pool. Just wait until the Committee gets its
hands on you.
I also agree with you about mathematics.
And I might add, for the benefit of the
streams of freshettes who are planning to line
up at the Pub. door around Co-ed Ball time
that Apes is just trying to bamboozle you; that
is not a picture of him splashed all over the
middle of the article.   That's Peter.
0-0
RETORT
"Do Undergrade Gowns look like nighties?"
inquires "Ten Years Ago Today." It is still a
moot question, but the implied insult inspired
me to verse.
It's immaterial if they look Uke "nighties;" —
Truly, we cannot all be Aphrodites.
But still I feel aspersions have been made;
The point is this, why caU them undergrade?
IF THE CAP
FITS	
It is sdd that there Is a life-like
portrait of a certain eminent English professor In the Art Exhibit this
week—just next to one that looks
like on English 2 lecturer, but they
don't connect up.
«   •  •
What promising young clau proxy
spends his Saturday afternoons at
the Colonial — and gets summoned
forth halfway through in stentorian
tonn, presumably on urgent freshman buslnen?
• •  •
Who wu tho Alpha Delt pledge at
tho basketbaU game lad week who
kept quiet when somebody ytUed,
"You'd better not yeU Uke that tUl
your voice changu, son."
• a, e
What Tilda wu doing a skirt-
draping act In a phUosophy lecture
ltd wnk?
see
What prominent English Rugby
player walked around tho room at
the tea-dance tho other day mumbling "Sure I've soon sparrows, sure
I'vt seen sparrows, lots of 'ami"
• •  •
What fraternity had thirteen mtn
at a recent sorority formri?
Co.r..po„d.„c.   )
plan will be a blow to the anti-university-ites
in this town, so students are urged to offer
their services for the canvas which is to start
shortly.
The melting of the snow should give an impetus to the annual spring migration to the library.
Last month "natural forces" cost the students of the University $76.46 in Caution
Money. And it takes other "natural forces" to
save them just that much. In other words,
today's rain is washing away the snow. Ain't
nature wonderful?
Editor, Ubyssey,
Dear Sir:
I am Interested in the Art display
in tht Library, and intended, too, in
tht criticism that appeared In your
columns recently. I should Uke to
ny something about both for lt
seems clear, once again, that it is
wry hard te know *what ia what' in
all this art buslnen, and that the
confusion increasn when tht question of the tutntid function of art
is raised. Tho matter of teste is one
thing, and since it Un with the individual, can be disputed with difficulty. But tht problem of an au-
thettc theory Is quite another which
determines one's whole attitude and
direction In criticism, and accordingly, If fain values in a painting are
taken for the true values it is questionable whether tht consequent
judgment wUl be altogether 'sound.
I quarrel a Uttle with the viewpoint
taken ln the report, and with differences there, have also other Judgment upon the selected canvasses.
Pressing a 'theory' out of the reported remarks I understand that
the art of painting consists ln a photographic fidelity to appearances, and
a clean craftsmanship; or in other
words, it must be imitative of Nature
with the Imitation prettily and
smoothly done. The matter of the
artiste's technique left aside, this
view sums in part satisfactory provided 'Nature' is understood in a
deep, personal sense. The 'Native'
that absorbs the artist is not that of
pretty gardens, interiors, panoramas
or warm golden skins, but rather
the 'Nature' of inner realities, aesthetic experience, and of form conceived u something half-independent
of the kind of article — doughnut,
cartwheel, coin, or flower—that is
represented. Elegance of detail and
the like qudlties that go with skilful handling of the brush are meaningless unless some Inner nature of
the depicted object is by then means
revealed and emphasized. To underline the point more broadly—we all
agree that the human leg is a lovely
thing. It is pleasing physically, and
sensuously. At the same time It has
a satisfying contour and shape artis-
ticdly in the same sensuous, nonsexual sense that a violin, mandolin
or ridge of mountains may have. In
the experience of the artist the line
and form of the human leg may, at
times, be forged into something altered from lt sensual original. It is
this dtered, presumably more vaginally artistic form he wiU use—if
he IS an artist. Finding the altered
leg most people will maintain that
the artist has no sense of beauty and
cannot paint, for legs are not to be
seen of such an altered shape, or if
by chance they are, should not be
at aU admired. They cannot dissociate their physical feelings from
their other singly - artistic ones.
Beauty, then, resides in form somehow, apart from pretty external verities, and In the clear expression of
unique, individual 'truth' or understanding.
To be properly democratic, lt is
admitted that no man's opinion is
better than his neighbour's. And to
be honest I believe my prejudices
wtil be of Uttle Interest, and are not
likely to be popular. But still, to
escape further vagueness and to face
the task of actual criticism I should
say that the two finest pictures in
the exhibit, considering their Intelligence of line and harmony of color,
were 'Paul' and the 'Artist's Model.'
Paul hu a fawn-tinted face, and is
seated on a chair with a background
of quiet greys and browns. The
Model is smoky-skinned, slouching
unhandsomely on a bed-couch affair
in a crumpled chemise. The 'Rue
du Sautes' is quite unexciting, and
would be improved by a len niggardly treatment of the agreeable
familiar wagon, and by a dash, for
balance-sake, of the light bright blue
that maps out tho sky.   •HoUand' ls|
Class and Club
A. I. E. E.
Regular Meeting
Thursday, February 23, 1933. Room
109 Mechaalcd BuUdlng. Papon: "El-
ectricd Equipment on the S. 8. Prince
Rupert," by D. Matthews. "Cable
Manufacture" by R. Hynd. "Vacuum
Tube Voltmeters" by R. Hilton. Vlri-
ton welcome.
LETTERS CLUB
Applications for membership must
be made In writing to the secretary,
Anna Fulton, by February 21 (today). Membership Is open only to
men and women dudents Who wUl
bo in their third year next term, and
not to any student u stated in lad
week's Ubyssey.
S. C. M>
Dr. Browing witt speak at noon today in Aggie 100. His subject will
be "WUl Christianity Survive This
Progressive Age?"
Plans arc under way for Spring
Camp, which wUl bo hold at Camp
Flrcom, Gambler Island, April 29 to
May 6.
LA CAUSERIE
Tho next meeting of La Causerie
wUl be hold this tvtnlng, February
21, at tho homo of Min Violet Thornton, 2858 Wtri Eighth Avtnut. Takt
a Broadway car to Trafdgar.
ART CLUB
Tho Art Club holds ltsnmi-month-
ly mooting to-morrow at 8 o'clock
ln the Board Room of tha Art Oal-
ltry, Georgia ttreri. Tho speaker
wUl bo Mrs. J. C. BeU, and the sub-
ject "Early EngUsh Water-colour
Painters"—tho dtvdopmtnt of English water-colour painting up to and
including J. W. M. Turner. Mrs.
Bell's addren wttl bt IUustrated by
reproductions of typical work of
various artists.
PARLIAMENTARY FORUM
"Resolved that the Co-ed is an
evidence of Cultural Decadence" If
tht topic for discussion at tha regular Tuesday evening muting of the
Forum in Arts 100. Our own Slnjun
Maddey wttl lead for the government and Elspeth Lehman the opposition.
LOST
Loon-leaf note book. Finder plean
get in touch with Dave Todd, Arte
•34.
LOST
A pair of brown rubber zlppen from
under a Cafe, table. Plean return to
Bookstore.
fain modernism and nothing more
than a sunny, gay, and amusing poster. The 'Bow to the Audience' Is
dubloudy "formless," and if it is
formless, it is only so in the same
manner that some of Turner's are—
and rrfay not for this reason be quickly condemned. The pictures shown
are not great art—but they are Art
—even the one that was hung upside down. They only startle a person because they are strange u a
ravage ia startled by an electric
torch. Furthermore, knowing its
purpose, we do not think a diver's
metal suit is grotesque, but again the
nvage would.
With apologies for my didacticism,
I am,
Yours,
F. J. BRAND,
Arts '24
Editor, Ubyssey,
Dear Sir:
Through the courtesy of your columns I should like to thank aU those
who In any way contributed to the
success of "Iolanthe." Owing to
many circumstances the production
of this year's opera hu been especially difficult and it Is only through
the hearty co-operation of dl concerned, not only of the immediate
performers but also of those whose
connection Is more indirect, that the
performances of "Iolanthe" attained
the success they did.
Yours faithfully,
C. HAYDN WILLIAMS
(W\qA(L U
A or nc iking irt
-l/ioimncj now
tx>   mak(L
Experience in buying
choice Virginia, Turkish
and Burley tobaccos, plus
the knowledge of years
in blending these choice
grades of leaf—-produces
this highest grade of
blended cigarettes ...
Winchester
CIGARETTES
Blended Bight t
Imperial Tobacco Company
of Canada, Limited
We are equipped to take
the pictures of
FRATERNITY
AND SORORITY
groups.   Special rates to
University gocieties
833 Granville St.
Phone Sey. 5737
MEET ME AT
The Brightest Stan on
GranviUe Street
We feature Luiichea,
Afternoon Teas, and
After-Theatre   Specials
Catering to Bella and
A Specialty
We make our own Candy and
Pastry from the bed Ingtsilwtt.
potdble.
SCOTT'S
722 Granville Street
ENGINEERS   OPEN   BOUSE   DAY,
MARCH 11, 1933, SATURDAY
AFTERNOON AND EVENING
DINE AND DANCE
AT
COMMODORE CABARET
872 Granville Street
Luxuriously Appointed—Finest on the Pacific Coast
Class Parties Banquets
Fraternity and Sorority Functions
With the Famous Commodore Orchestra
University Book Store
Hours: 9 a.m. to S p.m.; Saturdays, 9 a.m. to 1 p.m.
Loose-Leaf Note Books, Exercise Books and Scribblers
at Reduced Prices
Graphic and Engineering Paper, Biology Paper.
Loose-Leaf Refills, Fountain Pens and Ink.
Ink and Drawing Instruments.
Crepe Paper for Masquerades, etc.
ALL YOUR BOOK SUPPLIES SOLD HEBE THE UBYSSEY
__■___■
Page Three
IF.'THE_CAT KITS
(Ed Note: Tht author ot this column hu gd rick and tind of swing
so many Frat man mentioned hi the
rival column. So he hu written this
one.)
What Artsman had his ear ttaU six
o'clock yesterday .. yesterday morn-
Ins. What Sclenceman started it for
him ... and why. What proftnor
hu been string snakw lately ...
real onu (hal hat fooled you that
time) .. .and who's the frtihttte so
dumb that she thinks tho Chlntn
are cruel... claims thty burn innocents.
What Aggie woke up Saturday in.
his room-mates bod ... and than
found it waa a couple othtr ftUows
... Can you name the people to
whom tho foUowing thtmt-songs 'belong*: Pink Elephants, Stein Song, I
Wanna Be Bad, Buddy Can You
Spare a Dime, If I Only Had a Fivt
Cent Piece ... tomtbody write ont
about a two cant stamp and I'U adopt
it.
And who is tho Fratman (thtrt I
go) who sank his own Destroyer so
that ht had his opponent chasing aU
over the place tor lt for ten minutet
... And who it tht Freshette I
danced with no len than twtlvt
times at the Alma Mater ball•...
boy, how I with I kntw ... And
who snorted the Two Sophisticated
Co-eds to that function ... and who
is tho lluckatetr who knowa thtm
.. . and how.
That's that for today. Podtivoly
untrue, with tht exception of two
statements... see if you can find
thtm.
LOST
Place: Tho Cafe, Time: Thursday,
February I, Article: Book. Plean return to the Library.
HIGHLIGHTS OF INTERVIEWS
McGeefw dated:-
The more a Munchausen his food,
the eerier it is to digest.
It's DOyle Carte that brings the
milk.
It reaUy opera be good.
Allegretto Garbo would say, "It's
very funny, Minniehaha."
I cadenza waltz with you.
You're Telling Mel
Cap'n DamlteU nt down his stein
carefully, and resumed: "Ultra are
many Inventions (apologiu to Kipling), tht lack cf which almori drlvu
me to tht pplnt of exclaiming, 'There
ain't no civilisationl'
"For Instance, consider tho matter
of Tobacco. This grand old vin hu
boon prennted to mankind in every
conceivable shape. But condder the
high cod of this dtUdous wood. Ttr-
riblt. Now I have a tchtmt to re-
dun tho cod of enjoying this, by the
simple proeeu of substitution.
"Many timu havt people tritd to
find a chnp substitute for tobacco,
but aU havt triltd. My system is at
present appUcablt only to pipes, but
sooner or later I shdl adapt it to
cigarettes and snoon.
"To begin with, thc pipe Itself is
somewhat altered. Thtrt an two
mouthplecu, which are contained In
the mouth. One It to suck through,
the other Is for tho purpon of expeU-
ing the smoke. This smoke arises, not
from tobacco, but from fuel ott, such
u Is used in a Diced engine. This, as
most people know, cods about ten
cento a gallon, or something like that
I guarantee a gallon to lad anybody
a long time. Probably lad them thdr
lifetime, in fact You perceive the
cheapness of my system.
"In brief, thc exit mouthpiece is
connected by a double barreled cam
shaft to a rotating lever, which ariu-
atea a piston. This piston movU
smoothly up and down in tho bowl of
the pipe, thus producing the compression necessary to aU Dienl engines.
Fine holes wore bored in tht bottom
of tht bowl of my experimentel
model, but as they were not large
enough, the sin was increased. Thia
was not successful, as the fuel then
leaked out.
"Unfortunately, I cannot teU you of
the ingenious method of stoking and
firing. I have recently received a
letter from tho Prime Minister of a
European country, asking me to withhold details until after the next Disarmament Conference- The Idea,
however, has been patented ln aU
languages, including the Scandinavian."
Setting: Aggie Common Room.
Silence, broken only by the low
hum of farmer's small-talk. Brrrnn-
ngg — sUence — brrnng — silence—
brrnngg—"Hello. Could you please
tell me the price of eggs to-day?"
"Er—er—I—I—just couldn't say."
"Isn't this Harker'a grocery?"
"No."
SUence.
CO-ED BALL MAR. 3, AUDITORIUM
"Tht Ctntre of Vancouver's Sodal Activities"
Dine and Dance at the
HOTEL VANCOUVER
Every Wednesday Night, g:30-»s30 p.m.
Mudc by Cdvln Winter and His Cavaliers in the beautiful
Spanish Grill.
Visit the Spanish GriU for the "Tea Danaanta" on
Saturday Afternoon, 4-6 p.m. — Tea and Dancing SOc nch
Remember that the Supper Dance in the Spanish GriU on Saturday
Nights from 9:30 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. is always a looked-forward-to event
among the younger set.
—Special Rates for College Parties—
HOTEL VANCOUVER
A CANADIAN PACIFIC HOTEL
fi
ij^'ti.' M
WON    THS    RELAY
Telegraphic
News Scoop
By Co Co
OSCAR SCRIBBLEWELL,
VARSITY:
FLEE AT ONCE STOP I DON'T
MEAN STOP FLEEING STOP STOP
NOT FLEEING STOP START FLEEING STOP DON'T STOP FLEEING
STOP FER GOSH SAKES OWAN
AWAY TOP OBSERK STOP
A FRIEND
A FRIEND,
SOMEWHERE,
WHAFFOR STOP
OSCAR
Let's Visit EUROPE this Summer!
Personally Conducted Towns 25 memben   to nch   Tour.
Fares Include all expenses from Victoria and Vancouver to British
Isles, Europe and return.
"MEDITERRANEAN VACATION TOUR" NO. 2
10 Countries — 64 Days — All Expenses Included $725
Leave Vancouver June 29 — Return August 31
"STUDENTS' VACATION TOUR" NO. 3 and 3-A
10 Countries — 60 Days — All Expenses Included |710
Leave Vancouver July 2 —Return August 30
"ROMANTIC MOTOR TOUR" NO. 4
7 Countries — 52 Days — All Expenses Included $675
Leave Vancouver July 2 — Return August 22
"EDUCATIVE VACATIONS for CANADIAN YOUTH"
(19 Years and Under)
i Countries — 52 Days — All Expenses Included $475
Leave Vancouver July 2 — Return August 22
Take advantage of these very low rates — enroll now
For full Information call or write to
EIICATIOML VACATIONS LTD.
771 DUNSMUIR STREET, VANCOUVER, & C.
OSCAR SCRIBBLEWELL,
VARSITY,
SOCIETY BLUE FEET ON YOUR
TRAIL STOP EVERYTHTNG DISCOVERED STOP DEATH TO LINGER
STOP
B. S.
B. S
10TH AND SASAMAT
MANY THANKS STOP WHAT IS
DISCOVERED STOP
OSCAR
OSCAR SCRIBBLEWELL
VARSITY
LET CONSCIENCE BE YOUR
GUIDE STOP
B. S.
B. S.
10TH AND SASAMAT
AM LEAVING FOR JUPITER COMMA SATURN COMMA MARS COMMA VENUS STOP
OSCAR
•   •   •
STOP_PRESS
MCNEWSFLASH
(BP)   - MR.  MC NOOSEFLASH
FOUND ONLY  HALF-SHOT.    COEDS     NOT     SO     EMBARRASED.
SCANDAL NOT SO PENDING.
MUCK FLASH
(BP)-COLLEGE SPIRIT FOUND
DEAD. FUNERAL TUESDAY NOON
12:10. EVERYBODY OUT. LETS
PUT THIS THING OVER WITH A
BANG.
MUCK NEWS FLASH
(BP)-CHANG SUEY FLYING TO
ICELAND VIA ICELAND. NOT
SURE VIA HE IS FLYING THERE.
ON VIA? OH VIA HAS CHANG
SUEY GONE?
MUC KNEWS FLASH
(UP)-CHANG SUEY FLYING TO
BERLIN   VIA  PARIS   AND  PARIS
HE'LL  GET  THERE.    OH,   PARIS
HE GONE?
MUCK NEWS FLASH
(BUP)- OSCAR SCRIBBLEWELL
FLYING TO STAMBOUL VIA PARIS. DECIDED NOT TO GO BY
BOAT AT LAST MOMENT. CLASH
CRASH WITH CHOP CHANG SUEY IMMINENT.
MUCK NEWS FLASH
(BUP)-CHANG  SUEY  DIES  OF
APOPLEXY  TRYING  TO  FIGURE
OUT  ONE  OF  MERTON'S   PUNS.
MORE TO FOLLOW.
MCNEWSFLASH
(PUN)-CHANG SUEY DIES OF
APOPLEXY TRYING TO DECIPHER ONE OF CYRIUS DE SCREP-
ANSIES'S PAHUNS. MORE TO
MOLLOW.
MC INSFL ASH
(UP)-CHEU   SANGY  EYESDAD
FOMPOPLAXY.   SWORE TO MOLLOW.   MORE TO SWALLOW.
(PU)-CHANG SUEY NOT DEAD.
ONLY SLEEPING.   RIP.
MCFLEWSNASH
(UP)-BORN TO MR. AND MRS.
BLOOP, A SON ... by cable.
MUCK DECIDEDLY
(UP)-CHANG SUEY FOUND UN-
Ecnednopserroc
To my lord and patron, Sir Amir
de Bon Bon, may tht bountiful gifts
of tht omniscient and omnipotent One
faU easily upon thy head. Greetings
and salutations, my Uege, from thy
mod humble and obsequious servant,
Cyrius de Screpansle, who now languishes ln Incarceration in the most
foul and loathsome Tower of Fire-
hall, in the mod Inhospitable land
of Pontus Graius inus Bius Clus.
News has come to my resigned ears
of bitter conspiracy in thy land. A
certain one of my menials brings
tidings of Inner strife and turmoil In
the sanctum of the massive walls of
thy baronial castle. A scurrilous
knave, one Mertonis by name, hu
hatched a plot to mod foully day
thy pet canary. Wherefore, good my
Uege, do thou take bariy measurn
to curb thia churlish nheme.
I pray thee, station six stout men-
at-arms and one slim man-at-arms
nigh unto the grlUed cage wherein
lieth, or sltteth, as the case may be,
thy most fortunate and feathered
friend. And let them carol right
merrily whilst silver songs sUp ride-
ways from the screened whirtler's
snout, and conspirators do dink In
stealthy places. Then, when the how
of midnight toUs from the cathedral
chimes, let them forestall the vlUaln-
ous varlets, by slaying the bird themselves.
I have much pondered over this
grave problem from the fastness of
my lonely ceU, and do humbly beg
that thou dost probate this plan of
mine. My excellent friend and companion, Sir Coco de Coco, sends to
thee his prayers for thy continued
good health, and wishes to borrow
from thee the sum of five guUdcrs,
which monln he wtil expend among
the poor and needy, chief amongst
then bring Sir Coco de Coco.
1 pray thee, my Uege, guard thine
health with care, and pray often for
the safety of one who is in durance
mod vile. Until the happy hour when
I am released from my dungeon, I am
thy mod obedient and humble servant,
Cyrius de Screpancle.
Co*Co's Diary
WeU, I had a date the other night
with Cleopatra ... Somehow I'm not
quite so nt on the Idea of leaving
this darn plan. There's rumors that
a certain person weU known at Varsity wUl be joining us pretty soon.
But-ah, but-rif he trin to play "Battleships" with us, hell get killed.
Saw oH his head with a blunt butcher knife, I wUl. I played that gamt
with Richard (tht Lion Heart) tothor
night, and ht put tht numben and
letttn tht wrong way round. I
nearly want crasy.
Had an interesting new arrival
here lad Tuesday. Used to be a
prospector. Ont day ho tied up his
partner, put aU tho brud hi tht icebox, and nt down to writ. Tht
sergeant asktd him, later, what he
wu trying to do, and he sdd he
wanted to make a cake. But there
wu no flour, so ho wu trying to
reserve tho break-making procen in
tho hope of getting frosh flour at tho
end. Tho idiot should have known
better. I didn't realin anybody
could bo so crazy. You've got to
soak braad in arsenic fird. Than if
the procen falls, you can dways ny,
"WeU, If it had worked, lt would
have poisoned mo anyway."
Litany Coroner
The beautiful
Snow
Is going.
Alack,
Alas.
No longer can I
Sing, "Its Winter
Again."
Some people aay 1
Never could.
The beautiful
Snow is going.
Damn the stuff.
Etikatjiints
lor A) When sitting down at table,
keep one eye open. They may ny
grace.
(2 or B) When mopping up gravy
with a sUce of bread, be sure lt Is
buttered (the bread, not the gravy)
as this enables it (the bread, not the
gravy) to sUde oves the plate without
undue noise.
(3 or Sea) Remember that tea mud
be Inhaled silently. Slurping, busbl-
ing, gurgling, and rumbling are reserved for soup.
(4 or D, for d-n) While carving
chicken, grasp it flrmy by its arms,
egs, neck and .... er, this may not
look delicate, but at least lt Is Impossible for the chicken to nest In the
lap of your guest. . . (this may be
embarrassing-
(6 or F) We have decided that no
student would be guilty of No. 5 so
we have omitted It.
(7 or G) Be sure to tuck the napkin (If there is one) tlghty around
the neck (not too tlghty) as tills makes
It easier to smuggle the silverware
in your pocket.
And   .   .   .
There was the
Actor.
He was,
(like many people
today),
Out of work.
He had been fired
—horrid word—
for drinking
Stronger than water.
So he tried to drown his sorrows
In a speakeasy
(if you know what that is).
But—
He couldn't bum
Another drink
So he told this dory.
"I hunted Uons
In Africa,
Once upon a time.
One day I was up a
Tree, UteraUy.
I was,
(as you may have guessed)
Waiting for Uons.
They came.
Suddenly.
Six of them.
They dashed
Up the tree
I  dashed
Down the tree.
And ran
For miles.
I was much faster than the
Lions.    Good?
I had to be good.
Then as I
Skidded
Around a corner
I ran smack into another
Animal.
This time It
Wasa    .   .   .  guess?
A gorUla.
So I picked up
A handful of yores
And threw them into his face.
And so,
Of courn,
He went away,"
"But what
Are yons?"
Said the spectator,
"Mine's a whisky,
Thanks."
WHAT PEOPLE ARE
THINKING
CO-ED BALL MAR. 3, AUDITORIUM
CONSCIOUS. TELEGRAM BY HIS
SIDE READ . . . "COME HOME AT
ONCE, BABY CUTTING WISDOM
TOOTHS TEETHS THEETH TEETH."
MCNEWSFLASH
(UP) - ALL   QUIET   ON   THE
WESTERN FRONT.
How To Make A
Bird Cage
This will be a bird of a cage. Fird
of aU this Is thc llri of materials,
tools, weapons, and fird-dd kits that
you will need: One hammer, ont
apart hammer, two spare thumbs,
possibly a nw (who wu that I nw
you with lad night?), a few nails,
lots of glue, mora glut, wooden win
(I wooden wire for hdp too soon)
and a bold,   No rats in my kit.
Fird, buy a bird rage for a modal,
draw a skttch of it and discard tho
cage. Start off with a round piece
of wood and put it flat on thc tabic.
Stand on it, wrap yountlf tightly
with wirt and glut in place. Cut
your way out, nw It together again
and there's the bird-cage.
Unfortunately we forgot the bird.
We'U have to make another one.
Take a square pins of wood, round
doesn't sum to be lucky for us, naU
an upright on it. This isn't for anything, It's only practin. Try your
hand at ntchlng tht bird. Now try
your fed. If at fird you don't succeed, try a gin, try a gin.
Now practice hitting nails with a
hammer. It doesn't matter if you
min, thtrt aren't going to bo any
nails ln this cage. Catch your bird,
put him in an apple box, and glue
this severely together. Put this on
your square pine of wood, and surround it with wire. Now take out
the applebox( but bo careful to let
tht bird remain within tht wire.
What People
Are Saying
Ethel Rolrion (in Bac. Lab.)—It looks
Uke a can of "strip and dip."
Muriel Goode—I want to Improve
myself terribly.
Profs. Brand and Wood-Have you
seen the chemin twins In the Art
Exhibit?
Boyd Agnew—A different one every
time; that's my poUcy.
John Cornish— How do you speU
"Ubysnyqulous"?
LOST
One pearl earring Saturday night,
Auditorium. Please return to Bookstore.
PERSONAL COLUMN
Wanted: Brother, can you spare a
dime.—C. O.
For Sale: Pair of rubbers. Bit
holey.—T. C.
Mary: Come back. AU is forgiven.
Have forgotten telephone number.
Who is the blonde.-C.O.T.C.
WiU swap telephone number for
loan of car.   Apply MJ__?.B.
Motorists
legally
responsible
for accidents
to "thumbers"
Tho practice of giving lifts
to "thumbers," or beggars of
free rides, is dangerous to
motorists aad costly to year
transportation company.
B.C Electric Railway Co. Page Four
THE UBYSSEY
Tuesday, February 21, IS33
30-10 VICTO
OVER
NECESSITATES GAME
FIVE TON
Students Triple Score
Against Old Rivals
Matthison  Stars  To
Bag Eleven Points
Handing the strong Adanac squad a
3»-li trimming tt thi VAC. gym,
Saturday night, Vanity Senior A
hcopcteri assured thsmsolvn of the
tic postHoe at tin top et Bnrrard City
dde whkh ef tho teama takes the bye
In tht forth-coming playoffs.
Tiie Rbyd City hoopritrs seemed
at a lost to cope with tho CoUeglans'
speed so that from a spectator's point
of flew Sic game was slow and too
much for Varsity. Ntvtrthtlan thc
Point Oray boyt traated tho Brown
customer's to plenty of thrill* With
thdr tricky and unique plays. Tony
Osborne and Pi CampbeU were in
their usuri good form and wore n-
ptdaUy cmbtent with thtir quick
break! to the baskd and accurate
shooting, while ihe trio of Matthison,
Bardsley, and Nicholson formed a
not unpleasant combination.
Osborne opened the score in tho
fird half on an unexpected run from
centre, completing it in Al fashion
Barddey wu soon to double tho
Vardty prints by sinking two frao
thott and Maytn managed to break
the goon-tgg .or the Royd City aggregation tt likt manner, making tht
scort 44 at tho fird time-out During the brid tatermisrion Lin and
Butler, both ex-Varsity mon, made
rtady to replace ShUn and d'Easum
of Westminster.
On the renewd of tht feud, Rann
Matthison and Pi CampbeU tntered
the scoring ranks of their Alma Mater by pUing up seven points to the
respective two points made for the
Adanacs by Mayers. This gave the
students a lead of 11-3 when they
took their ncond time-out. The third
start saw Matthison again ln good
form to score two more baskets for
the students. The first on a perfect
long shot and the second on a pass
from Campbell. Mayers managed to
make another two points for the Adanacs and the Blue and Gold squad
ended 15-5 up at half-time.
On resuming play, S. Gifford had
gone In for Lee for the Royd City
tram, while Dick Wright had replaced Laurie Nicholson fo the home
squad. Play for some time wu more
even. S. Gifford and McEwan of the
opposing quintette wore both able to
sink baskets, only to have them
equalized by those of Matthison and
CampbeU. Tlie Blue and Gold hoopsters, however, wen not long in regaining the upper hand, and, Osborne, CampbeU and Bardsley aU
scored good baskets, bringing the
score at the end of the third timeout to 28-10.
The Adanacs then nnt in d'Euum,
B. Gifford and Ln for Shiles, Gifford and McEwan in a final attempt
to stop the dudents. Shortly after,
Pi CampbeU completed the scoring
with a beautiful long shot fr6m centra, and the game wound up with
the score 30-10 in favour of the Vardty. ,
Although the scoring honors go to
Matthison, who accounted for eleven
pouits, Campbell and Bardsley are
Worthy of mention, having scored
fifteen points between them. By far
the best of the Adanacs was Wally
Mayers, who u well u scoring six
of the ten points, played an all-round
good game.
Varsity- Matthison (11), CampbeU
(0), Barddey (6), Osborne (4), D.
Wright, Nicholson, Mansfield.
Adanacs — Mayers (6), S. Gifford
(2), McEwan (2), Shiles, Fraser,
d'Easum, Lee, B. Gifford.
ENGINEERS   OPEN   HOUSE   DAY,
MARCH 11, 1933, SATURDAY
AFTERNOON AND EVENING
"Jud Where Tho But Stopt"
Pt. Gray 67, Night Calls EUlott IMS
'PUBUC stenographer'
447b W. Tenth Ave., Van., B C.
Manuscripts, Essays, Theses, Etc.
Mimeographing, French
Play-offs Bye Must Be
Determined Tonight
Crowds To Be Thrilled by Even Contest
At nine o'clock tonight In the V.A.C.
gym, Vanity's Senior A hoopmtn engage In a battle royd with the George
Sparling quintette te break the existing
tie for flrd plan, and
TONY OSBOBNE
The above much und tin type carries tht llktntu of "Tony" Osborne,
Captain of the Varsity AU Star senior A badntbai* team. "Tony", had
led his boys to seven straight victor-
ln, six of them in the Burrard league
flxturaa and one In an exhibition
conted with tho crack EUtnsburg
aggrtgation.
Tervo Tribe
Enter Finals
Thurs. Nite
wmmmeoseemm
At timt of going to prau Normd
Grads and Y.M.C.A. art struggling In
a death grip in the gym at King Edward. Tht winner of tht encounter
will meet Vanity on Tnuraday at T
p.m. at the nme place in the flrd
game of a two out of three series.
Grads and Y.M.C.A. are two powerful teams, and are about even as
regards playing ablUty and height.
Either wiU give the Tervo Tribe
plenty of tough opposition in the
finals. Coach Tervo hu a strong
team lined up for the first encounter
Thursday, and is confident that his
boys will carry off both It and the
Monday night game, in which cue
the title would come to Point Grey
until next year.
BiU Lucu wUl again captain the
team, and wUl have u partner with
him at the guard position, Webster,
the hard-checking terror of opposing
forwards. George Prlngle wUl hold
down centre with Bobby McDonald
and Howie Sutton covering the
wings. Biff McLeod, Wilf Stokvis,
and Freddie Bolton, who showed
well in lad year's ranks, will be on
hand. The aggregation is a powerful one, but every ounce of student
support wiU be welcomed, and lots
of excitement for spectators is promised.
Ontdoon Club Hdd
Aanad Ski Ran
The Varsity Outdoors Club bald
their annud Cron Country Ski Race
from the V.O.C. cabin to the highest
point on Thunderbird Ridge on Sunday morning. Jekyll Fairley, Sc. '34,
and Richie Dean, Sc. '33, tied for fird
place. Their time was sixty-eight
minutes. The record made two years
ago Is sixty-six minutes.
Conditions were perfect for skiing
there having been a fresh fall, of
snow during the night. The race
from Grouse to Thunderbird provides
many stiff climbs and long slopes and
is a good test for any skier. As much
depends on wax and stamina as on
skiing abUlty.
The first three places w«re drawn
by Pete Fowler, Bob Bennett and
John Deane. They had the hard job
of breaking trail for the rest. The
first man started at 9:40 and the
others foUowed at intervals of two
minutes. At 10:54 JekyU Fairley arrived back at the cabin.
Jim Donaldson took ncond place,
his time being seventy-five minutes,
fifty nconds while Pete Fowler made
a close third with seventy-six minutes.
Next weekend the club holds two
other racn, a men's down Dam
Mountain to the cabins and the women's from the cabin to the Jumping
hUl and back.
SIC
Arts '20
ednesday
Arts  '34 Favored —
Race   Postponed
Last Wed.
V
Postponed for a wnk boeaun of
unfavorable weather conditions, tht
clauln Arts '80 relay ract, mod Important inter-elan event of the onsen, ia dated to dart at 8:10 tomorrow afternoon. Blevtn teams, rtp-
__ ___ resenting every dan and every year
^cTtnnArfS tho byTIn the £_£ ^^J^A™**!
wwss Ms>es>   vMw^seSpvepW  s'n'gr ^g*en
If Varrity wins tonight, Spsriings
and Province mud play thru gamu
to deride which team wUl conted
with thc Blue and Gold outfit for
tho championship. If Vardty Ions
tonight then tho team mud defeat
the newspaper cagemen two games
out of throe before thty get a chance
to mnt Sparlings onct again.
TEAMS EVENLY MATCHED
The storemen and the students havt
won and lod an equal number of
gamu In the regular schedule, and
are u evenly matched in att rnptcts
u any two teams could possibly bt.
Indeed thty art to olonly matched
that it Is impossible to pradtot victory for cither team, but quite safe
to say that tht gamt wUl be in doubt
till the find whistle.
Ken "Hooker" Wright, who hu
been one of tho mod consistent performers in tiie
Itague, is stiU
suffering from a
broktn index
finger rtcrivtd
in the Sparling-
Varrity game a
weak ago yatter-
day,   and  hit
«^w;mj,       ch«"« <* sari Campbdl        ting into tonight's
fray art almod Impossible. PI CampbeU has a sore ankle, and lt is quite
probable that he wUl spend mod of
the time on the bench.
REST OF TEAM IN GOOD SHAPE
However the rest of the boys are
in great shape and rarin' to go, and
their determination and team spirit
will help a lot tonight. But the fact
that U.B.C. has defeated Sparling's ln
the lut two combats hu InstUled Into
the latter team the keenest desire for
revenge, and they may be depended
on to extend themsdvn to the limit
to avenge their previous downfalls.
STUDENT SUPPORT WILL HELP
And so yezsee folks, if yes want
tuh witness a fight what WILL BE a
fight, then by crickoy yuh'd better
get down tub the V.A.C. gymnuium
right early or yw may not get in—
yes-siree-bob!
No foolln' though, how about supporting the team tonight? They certainly deserve your support and
you'll never forgive youndf If you
don't go. "You can come by land,
by air or na, u long as you ond up
at V.A.C.I"
NOTICE
Tickets wiU be nid ln the Quad
box office on Wednesday noon for
the Interclass Gala to be held Wed-
nnday at 7:00 at the Crystal Pool.
Competitors are asked to get there
early to be ready for competition by
7:00. They wiU enter by a dde door
directly onto the pool, a floor lower
than the spectators entrance.
Students are asked to keep half
their ticket to admit them at 8:30 to
the dancing. Refreshments will be
served Immediately after the dancing, which ends at 11:00 p.m. Tuesday preliminaries wiU be run off
from 5:30 to 7:00.
verdict   over   right   one-mUe   laps,
starting in ths Fsirvlew district, and
finishing in front of tho Adminhtra
tion buUdlng.   A complete entry lid
is published on this page.
Ran WIU Be Clou
Although Arts '34 look to be the
bed team on paper, the posdble outcome of tho race should be a matter
of conjtdurt right up until tho finishing lint is crossed. Science '33 and
'34, Aggln, and tht AngUcan Theo-
loglcd College aU are determined to
forae Arts '34 to tht limit. Com-
mtrat and Arts '88 also, art expected
to make a creditable showing, and
either one may upnt tho proverbial
fruit waggon.
Under the auspicu of the Pop club
(In collaboration with the Track and
Fidd dub) a megaphone broadeari
wiU bo carried on throughout tht
ran, rithtr from tho Studtnts* CouncU room, or from the Cafeteria. Two
Pop dub cars wUl telephone In to
Varrity running results of the race,
and then wtil bt duly transmitted to
tho writing pubUc. Flrd results
should comt through the wins shortly after 8:80, and considerable student intend Is expected to bo manl-
ftri by that time.
Courn In DetaU
Starting at 12th and WUlow, the
runnen proceed to Pine, where they
exchange the batons, and the second
contingent are off. The third lap,
probably the longed of the race,
starts at 12th and Larch; and the
fourth at 4th and Collingwood. Possibly the toughest lap of them all,
that which Includes the 4th avenue
hiU, la the fifth, which starts In front
of the Institute for the Blind build-
big.
The boys change over at 4th and
Tolmie for the sixth stretch and at
"Eternity Where" for the nventh.
Tho lad change-over wUl be at the
Gabln, and from thence to the finish it wUl be a glorious battle.
Stan In Action
The lad official road event of the
season, the Arts '20 invariably attracts
the cream of Varritys' distance runners. Sid Swift, double winner of
the Arts '30 and creu-country racn,
George Sinclair, PhU Northcott,
George AUtn, Alfie AUen, dl wUl
be seen in action. In addition, Dave
Pugh, Bob Ward and John Smith
have lately been UteraUy burning
up the roads, and are expected to do
some unful running tomorrow.
CO-ED BALL MAR. 3, AUDITORIUM
BOAT CLUB NOTICE
Muting Tuesday, February 21 in
AppUed Science 103 at 12:15. Arrangements mud be completed for Crew
Day, March 4. Everybody out Bring
your fen to Murray Mather.
^NOTICE
Each clan entering a team in
the Arte '20 Relay MUST furnish transportation for at lead
ten men. The Track Club cannot arrange to find cars for
everybody. Can wiU start from
the Gym. at 3:05 p.m.
SPORTORIAL
1
LET'S GET OUT THERE VARSITY
Away back in September of laat year a group ol me* students known as Varsity Senior A Basketball team began isrioiis
training. Under the coaching of Oorden Allen, who incidentally
gives his services gratis, these boys have continued their practising and have fulfilled a most arduous playing schedule.
They entered the Burrard League, composed of the toughest kind of oppoaition, and have lost only five femes. They ftive
won their laat six league games to tie with the George Sparlings
lor first place. '
Tonight at the V. A. C. gym these two teams meet in a sudden death encounter to determine which team gels a bye in the
playoffs. Consequently tonight's game ia the most crucial game
that the U. B. C. team haa had to face this seaaon since tt will
determine this temporary supremacy of ihe Burrard League.
By ardent practice and sterling performance, the team hag
upheld the high standard of basketball played at Varsity. At
considerable individual sacrifice the members have brought
glory to the University. It is now up to the student body to
give their whole-hearted support to the team and help them
along to victory.
Give yourself a "break," give the team a "break," sad go
to the game at the V.A.C. gym tonight.
mming
To be
Semi-finals for tho Spring Term
Intor-clsn swimming meet wUl bo
hold tonight at dx o'clock at the
Crystal Pool. AU studtnts wishing
to compete and who did not turn out
for lad night's semi-finals may stUl
compete and stand a chance In the
finals to be hdd tomorrow night.
Finals of the swimming events and
both diving events wUl bt run off
starting at stvtn p.m. tomorrow
night, and a largo turn-out of non-
swimmers is anticipated. After tho
events dudents may swim or dance
to a 4-plece orchestra aad 11:00 o'clock wiU mark tho conclusion of
the evening.
This entertainment wUl be made
possible by the co-operation of T. D.
Coldicutt, new Crystal Pool manager,
and It Is earnestly hoped that students of the University as a whole
wiU demonstrate their interest and
class spirit by making the affair a
success.
SeniorsBeaten
By Arts '35
Wilf Stokvis ted a fut band of
sophomorn to victory over the senior clau at noon on Friday. Arts '33
are sadly in the rut now, having lut
their lad three gamu in a row.
Maestro Tervo wu high-point man
for the seniors with five points to
his credit, two baskets and a foul
shot. BUl Lucu and Cece Hacker
tied for second honors with two bu-
kets apiece. But on the other hand
Arts '35 lost no time in running up
a statable lead. Stokvis garnered
twelve points, with Wolfe, Rush and
Wood engineering the plays along
with him. Five pendtiu were handed out but the dd Maestro wu tiie
only one to chalk a point up on that
score. The final wore wu 28-15,
with Arts '33 the lonrs by thirteen
points for the second time, Arts '36
having beaten them the game before
35-22.
Teams: Arts '33-Tervo 5, Wiley,
KeUy 2, Hacker 4, Lucu 4, Davidson.
Arts '35-Stokvis 12, Rush 6, Wood
2, Little 4, Wolfs 4, Chernov, Christie.
CO-ED BALL MAR. 3, AUDITORIUM
Oan
ARTS '20 RELAY FORM Cff ART
Lap 3    I    Lap 4
Commerce
J, Grubbe
I  ArtsSjK
I ArtaJB™
I "Arts 36 ....	
I Science 33     Deane
I Science 34~
Lap 1
E.
Costain
ToW
Leggatt
Lap 2
M. Esler
H. Barclay
D Johnstone
fr4*flP*ir}faiB7TBW
Thompson
Science 38
Science 36
Aggiu
Education
A. T. C.
H. Sladen
Moorhead
W. Smith
in
Brand [
S. Swift      G	
5 Johnstone)  C. Milne
Colhurrt
Barber
"""Smith    I    Fowler
G. Sinclair!   Bowerlng
Lap 5
H. Andrews
D. Todd
Lawson
Walsh
B. Craig
A. Irwin
E. Brooks
C. Yolland
Cockburn
R. Donald |P NortiicgttlD. McLellan
A. AUen
R. Walker
H Noganabui O. Cornish I
J. Moore I T. Ptrker
Morris
Wood"
Brynelaen'
Thaln
Loat
J. Wilson
or Hisette
Disney
Shayler
W.lo__at"
________
J. Houston
iSprague
_>. Elson
Patterson
Hammersley
F Salisbury
C. Cooke
Addison
Donaldson
I. Mitchell
"B. taiite
Luttrel
Crlckmay
T. Hadwin
Humphrey
Lap 7
P. Stewart
D. Pugh '
R Herbison
Buller
G, AUen
H Edwards
J. McLellan
N. Martin
W Vrooman
W. Roper
Ward
Lap 8
J. Ruttan
M Stewart
F. Rush
Wilson
Verner
F. Bolton
R Fordyce
MotherweU
J. Bowen
MarlneUl
Harris
ete
Dope Upset In
RacquetFinal
Thursday climaxed three nights of
keen competition In tho annual Varsity Badminton Tournament. On tht
find night tht standard cf plhy was
unusuiUy high, the Matches wtee dl
interesting, and upstte-eo ddkir to
spectators—wtra more than frequent.
In the first of then, Molly Locke,
the Freshette star, defeated Irene
Ramage, who needs no Introduction,
in t|» tadln' Open Slnglu find.
Irtnt ltd at tht start and monad
"game-baU" but then her opponent
changed htr tactka and graduaUy
ovtrtook her to win the first att, 13-
10. Knping up htr dtep court play,
MoUy had the second sd wdl in
hand and won 11-6.
Ken Atkinson staved off his old
chaUenger, Paul Kozoolin, In sets of
12-15, 15-6, 15-5, to retain his Men's
Open Singles crown. After losing
the first nt, Ken rallied strongly in
the second and by hla superior court
generalship took the third. The
match wu fut, and though not especially exciting, produced many nice
plays.
Jack Sparks and Pat Cowan next
opposed Atkinson and OUver Lacey
for the Men'a Open Doubtes Title
and surprisingly won by. straight
scorn of 15-10, 15-6. Before the favored pair warmed up, Sparks and
Cowan pUed up a sizeable lead, and
this they never relinquished. Their
superior smashing and roburi play
told in the second tot, and another
"upset" wu recorded In the books.
Irene Ramage, however, achieved
a time-honored ambition when, partnered with Ken Atkinson, she triumphed in the Mixed Open event at
the expenn of Hope Palmer and Jack
Sparks. The fird nt was don, but
podtiond play in tho second sd resulted in a quicker victory. The
scorn were 17-16, 15-4A
Diminutive BUl Tremalne scored
an outstanding win in the lien's
Handicap Slnglu in winning from
Oeorge Weld in thru interesting sttt,
11-18, 18-6, 15-8. Playing from -18,
he defeated G. Fallis (.12), H. McAllister (-5) and Wdd at -18.
Other results were:
Ladles' Handicap Singles—P. Lye.
beat M. Manson 11-6, 11-2.
Ladles' Handicap Doubles—F. Tremalne and M. Locke but M. Manson
and P. Lyon, 18-12, 15-6.
Men's Handicap Doubles—G. Weld
and W. Brand beat W. Tremalne und
G. Clayton, 15-8, 15-2.
W. A. C. Swimmers
To Meet Local Club
An opportunity will shortly be
provided for members of the Swimming Club to see real swimmers In
action. The celebrated Washington
Athletic Club, with Swimming
Champion Jack Medlca and the rec-
ord-holdiiig women's relay team, Is
to meet Vancouver Champions in a
dual meet at the Crystal Pool on
February 25.
All students and memben of the
faculty Interested in swimming and
diving are advised to obtain their
tickets on Wednesday evening, on
the occasion of the Varaity inter-class
meet and Swimming Club dance.
Game Tonight V.A.C. Gym 9 o'clock

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