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The Ubyssey Dec 5, 1952

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 •I'
■ *4
rjsrr ubyssey
VOLUME XXXV
•     e
VANCOUVER,~B.C~ FklDAY, DECEMBER 5, 1952
PRICE 5c; No. 30
;1   ■»■ '■, '!•'.
sion
s
Students at yes^rday's Forum Delate voted two-to-one in
favour>! retaining the present
system of government control
over radio and television in
Canada.
PRIVATE   RADIO   FAILED
"Private radio In Canada lias
(ailed to serve the public," charged iton Uukfr, spcaklug on the
resolution "Tbat the •■■present gov-
ei-nruent policy" concerning the
CBC, private r«dlo ami television
im in Uie best intei-pats of the Canadian people." V;
WHIP HAND
Dig n4vertUerH hold tho -whip
hand In. private radio, declared
Baher.
Speaker cited example* from
American bt-aadcanting to justify
preset government policy in Can-
ado. There, he utated, many pro-
giinis are hot allowed to get on the
, air dimply been use tliey might lower'the eaten of aome of the products manufactured by the sponsors.
Moreover, radio, dominated by
private interests is unduly prone
ty j>few>atln! clieap forms ct
broadcasts such as soap operas
and »initng commercials.
In 'addition, Baiter agreed with
the statement that US television
wus merely a "cut-rate niekleodtan"
form of entertainment.
INADIPUATt COVIRAOII
Eajcer dbclnred that the CBC
had been established ln Canada
because private concerns had not
given id|<i»»te coverage tor rural
areas. Under private control the
BpetAer charged thet radio hud
eunjtrt|> f^il^l where it had be-
c©nie entertainment of a last ve-
'   gOrt.
~ People listened when they had
, noting *l»e to do
day, sponsored by tiie -Social Problems  Club.
Initiated by Chuck Taylor nt last
year's ISS conference held ln India, the plnn wus accepted by the
'Soviet antl-Fascist Yonth League,
an  equivalent  to  NFCUS
——MS—■———111 ■ mm
AUCTIONEER DONALD RILEV-hands a novelty cake replete with a pneumatic spider
to Aggie Don Westlake while assistant Christine Cross gates at the creature with horror.
Westlake and his company managed to get the cake after frenzied bidding brought its
price up to eighteen dollars.
Last Chance
On Edmonton
r, aimimg sgA'nit th?
8|,^i#ijl8rfi thAt the fov-
evntnent had no right to dictate
what tHe piibltc should listen to.
'■% th«: sprein«liit. system ie Juati-
•bife,',^)f ehWfa'npt the govern-
mitfit,b*mtiol newspapers as well?
Why sUould we not set up a government newspaper to set the pace
for, the rent.
'Kra.ser furthfernini-o objected to
the present system whereby i
k^ 11-clique in Uie CHC determined what the public should
Hear.' This, he 'maintained, prevents the jpb'ptilave of an allegedly
democratic country from exercising free chdie.
—Ubyssey Phl.to bj? Hux Lovely
Carols, Chrisimas Spirit
Bring Auction Success
Third annuil Aggie Christmas auction, held Thursday at
noon, was a delightful success amongst laughter, songs, gags,
m4 generosity.
The. spirit of giving was aroused f-  ■■ - *——	
by a Christmas tree Jttst  inside ,h>'tlrm- The band ™* bl,,lt w*th
the   door  of, the  Aggie   building
bearing the placard "|t in better
to, give than to.receive." Proceein
of the auction will be Used to biiy
Christmas hampers for needy falrji-
lies   on   a   list   provided   by   the
Community Chest.
SING CAROLS
Opening of the suction was heralded by' the carolling of "Jingle
Bells." Behind the singers wns an
eigti'-plece band beating out the
carols with a broken, rolling Jazz
 —— :—,.'       .       ■— f-	
Off#f#d Students
Fsllowships and grants ranging
from 1300 to $1300 will be Offered
to students'by ..'the Humanities Research Council pf Canada.
Cftfnegle Corporation has provided the, funds for these pre-doc-
toral fellowships and grants.
.Winners of the awards  will  be  mas
Students who are planning to
ride on the special Christmas train
to Edmonton, and who have not
already mlbmited their ttfimes, are
asked to notify authorities immediately.
Those students who have not already registered are asked to give
their names to either Keith Kelly
intone AL..1830) or Harry Orahuni
(phone AL 0019). Kelly and Gfn-
haiji Htressed the Importance of
immediate notification.
Train Is leaving on the evening
of December 18. It will return to
Vancouver on the morning of Jan-
fifteen to twentyfour Students
makes theT. return fare (187.20. If
over twenty-five students register
he return fare wiil be $32.80.    *
Xmot Books Corriod
Ovtrt«qt By Grotks
Hooks for Oreek educational Institutions collected on the campus
within, the lust two years will leave nnnounced no later than March 11
Vancouver for Greece before; candidates must have complet
Christmas. ed at least one year's post-gVudu
Red Exchange
OK'd By Basi
Student Council Advances
New Soviet Student Plan
Stating that "At the present time the Soviet. Canadian
Student Exchange Plan has nothing to do with NFCUS because
it has been shelved," Raghbir Basi voiced "I am still in favour
of exchange if it could be arranged."
AMS president spoke at a noon r
hour i.irictiiiA in FO 100 on Thurs-
GRAD ISSUE TODAY
Three hoary Pubsters of bygone days have contributed to
this Issue of our annuel "Graduation Ubyssey."
Les Armour, an old Pubster,
hae contributed hit last "And
All  That," today.
Hal Tennant, a very old Pubster, and Vie Hay, an almost
ludicrously eld Pubster, pre
gobbladygooklng and eunshln-
Ing around the editorial page.
everything from flutes to a clarinet to a  trumpet.  Students  sang
from distributed song sheets,
MINtftD' ■IDOINO
Aucloneer Donald Riley wielded
a massive war club us a gavel, and
disposed of his goods with a series
of demands and intimidations. Tin
peanut butter cookies, doughnuts
and cup cakes were baked by the
Aggie girls for the miction. One
cake fetched $18. as a result of
frenzied bidding In one or ths
Chinese auctions.
liyA^^WWCW^^'ew-i**.*'*>*e'i •
if.J>reak Jh the bidding bNmgtflf
three "Aggies into the rodm sing-
lug orlglnul -songs to hand drums,
fqistinet* and ^a kazoo.
Part of someone's lunch wto
thrown down onto the table and
was finally sold for live dollars.
After   ahbtit    20   articles    wen
auctioned,, the gathering broke up
to   tho   strains  of   "Whitp   Christ-
Tlie AgRies hud laughed and
dun deep  to the  t:iu.e  of $85.
Economic Theory
Of Social Credit
Explained Today
Students who have been wondering what Social Credit ls, are going
to have their chance to learn at
noon today ln  FO.  100.
Noel Murphy, President of the
North Dunbar Social Credit Association, will speak on the topic
'Social Credit."
<^„$jtU£pt!¥, 4»« W»p»is»4*4ft #»fc
glflSu*iht.ignorant on the economic theories of the Social Credit
Movement.
There will be plenty of time at
llie meeting for (|itestlons and all
-indents are urged to take this
opportunity to become Informed on
what Soclnl Credit stands for.
The meeting Is being sponsored
by the Spectrum Club in the interests of seeing all points of view
eiirod on tiie campus.
International   Students'   committee of tlte tins mnde arrangements
ate, work  before  making  application. Candidates will procure, from1
to send the books within the next  the secretary of tli-3 Council, six
two weeks. j copies   of   the   application   form.
CHRISTMASES PAST"
Christmas, Simple Bu t Pleasant
iy DOT AUIRBACH
Christmas lights, like people
welt-known, shine best in memory but thire ui-e always some
unique events In' personal his-
histories that make Christmas <■
festival of special significance.
"The thing nuout Christmas j North Pole
that I remember," said Prof. O.
(', Andrew, "having been brought
up ln an Anglican Minister's
family, is my ambivalent feeling
toward the occasion." "
TWEEN CLASSES
Today, Phys. 200
ALL   PHRATBRB8   meeting   to- j
<Uy. noon in Physics 20<>. Chapter i
standings will he given so everyone out please.
¥       *       * i
8PECTRUM CLU» is presenting
Noel Murphy, president of tiie
North -DuAhar Social Credit An-
gelation who will speak on the
"Social Credit" In FO l»>o, today,
noon.
¥       ¥       *
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE ORGANIZATION regular weekly meet tut;
today at 12:HO In Physics lloO. Everyone welcome.
¥ *r ¥
PRE-M6D8 present film, ".Medical History ih Clinical Diagnosis,"
Physics 2ft2, today, noon.
•I* V V
UNITED NATIONS CLUB. Dr.
M. Weaver. Demi ot the Medical
raculty, will speak to the Halted
Nations Club at their regular meeting today at noon In Arts loo. Dr.
Weaver will speak ou the WorM
Health Oi ionization.
OVERSHADOWED
Prof. Andrew remembered best
the Christmas of 1930 when lie
said "the spirit of love in the
world seemed to have gone out
and the need to look forward to -a
long and indeterminate period
devoted to survival rather than
the extension of human under-
standing stressed all too vividly
the state of jeopardy that the
spirit of love always liv.ed In."
"Because," he added, "unfortunately it isn't quite enough In human affairs Jus', to feel good
will, flood will in the world In »
precious quality and has to lie
protected;  sometimes by force.''
CHILDREN'S  FESTIVAL
Ice palaces and toboggan spill:*
were prominent features in Pro'',
Karle Hlrneys' recollections of
his favorite Christmas festivals
in Banff when the King Rdward
Hotel was a vacant lot. "It's all
mixed up with school holidays
and lots of time to ski unci skate.
"ll was a time when wo actually had sleighs and sleigh
bells, and Christmas lOve was
held In the Town llnll witli
presents for every child in the
village and an enormous tf.intii
Cluus complete with pack, and
telegrams   dispatched   trom   the
HOLIDAY PEACEFUL
Students here on campus had
their share of strange memories;
of the Christmas festival and
one of the nicest was contributed hy 4th Year Arts student,
Peter Bishop, wlio recalled the
first Midnight .Mass celebrated
in St. Stephen's Cathedral, Vienna, titter World War II, when the
Vienna Boys' Choir sang and
pence was in the air.
, A barren Christinas live was
brought to mind by Pat Stobart,
also 4th Year Arts, whose family
ai>eiit the holidays in Squamlsh
but without turkey, extra clothes
or presents because the coast
steamer was delayed two days.
They ate ham on rye for Christmas dinner und gave smiles for
presents.
HOIIOAY   FOREIGN
In India people other than
Christians consider the festival
no more than an extra (and convenient i public lyiliday. said
llohari  Verma of Piiujai).
"1 spent my first ChrlstiiMs ;u
Cunada on Vancouver Island
witli friends wlio first Introduced
me to the significance of the
festival as an Integral part of i
the national culture hero,'1 lie
said.
Salutations Abroad
By CBC Short Wav*;,
E\t       \f ^J   ■ ■        ■'■       fV Chances for foreign students f«
.   V.      TOUnQ/     liarry     KrVC©   -      8a-v H«W Christmas to their.^
" folk back home is again being iw-
Perform With Glee Club    r^L™ DroM$-
'    ,      . '       ■ Foreign students wishing to Sefol
' Prelude to Christmas" will be presented in the Audi- greetings to their native, counties
torium at noon today by the Music Society's Gloe Club and the «'e asked to contact Mary MaV
Student Christian Movement. I Ke«zle at cbc offices tn VartcQU-
Itii.si explained the clIMcultle*
faced by the UBC delegations;%
iho recent NFCUS conference.''q£
tawa aud Lavul Unlvei'sify^
threat to leave NFCUS if the pKB
went through and the realisation
of the language1 difficulty coupled
with the possibility of inaccurate
Impressions that the Soviet ell*
dents would get about Cana
life from such a short tour, all $
to be taken Into consideration, 1%
said. }■££
On these grounds he doubtfi if
"exchanges' would be benefleliii
enough to lvave it at "the rlp^VcjI
NFCUS' unity," and stated- dthlt
"NFCUS lias not been able to^
much yet, but to have a natlofftl
organisation Is a necessity,^ : vst;
VOtlD AGAINST    ' '^1-Jr
Further doubting that the "
change would fulfill the ;1^
premises on which It was planned"
Basi and his delegation voted
against the proposal and Mr
NFCUS unity. ^ |
Because of the dissatisfaction of
the Toronto, Dalhousie and MoGi|l
delegations, Bast said that unity
leached at the conference Was Jvilt
a paper unity. "But a paper unify
Is a pre-requlsite to ii.tiy o{lrir
unity; 1 am hoping that out of this
will come rear unity;:' be continued. "It wa# right for the delegations to vote 'for'.iHifijjr ijnlty,*' %e
said  with o6nvictlpn,      • ~ ,•
Mentioning 'MoCHP's* prqpOM^ygB
arrange   an   exejiange, Alo%^t|
■> 'J¥ffi&$$k<2$_J_f^j^_§_^^M.i'^^Mrk^H.
said   that   the   ItiMli
voted it down, but are ndvafti
a counter proposal.
This counler proposal wlli: prl-
Aide for Spvlet students to ;*rtu'
ut a Canadian university for a
"A referendum will be given to the
students,on this issue,' he sb^F^1-
WT
"Oh   Little   Town   ofitl,e Christmas'season
and "Adeste Fideles,
(llee Club,  conducted  by  Harry f-
Price,  well-known   Vancouver  orr
chestra leader, will sing "Invltus,'
"Je.Hii, Joy of Man's Desire," "Th':
First   Noel,
Bethlehem.'
Actor   E.   V.    Young   will   give
readings   from   ''Shepherd's   Tale"
and "Diary of  Mary."
OLD BROADWAY
Marry. Price, veil-known to listeners of the CBC', bus been the
conductor of the program "Leicen-
ter Square to Old Broadway." He
iias made hundreds of appearances
In stage productions, theatre pits,
und cabarets In Vancouver.
GIVES  READINGS
K. V. Young, who lias appeared
in productions of the Vancouver
Little Theatre and the Theatre
Under the Stars many times, gives
readings cm Thursday nights on
the I'iVeutlde program on CBU, and
on Sunday nights on CBU's week
ly  program, Vesper  Hour.
The program is being offered to
ver.
Miss MacKenzie will give details
■JV
as to what will be reqiilredlof the
emphasize  the religious apsect of' massage   senders.   The   messages
' will be sent by short wave.
"Our festival nt 'home that
comes uliout this time Is the
Festival of Dovali, tbe festival
of lights, lt loo Is u lovely celebration."
Varsi.y  Fireball
Feature Attraction
A glowing young nuin, a veritable
'"Fireball", vvill dive Into a swimming poo! to quench the flames
whicli will engulf him ou the open-
lug night or the University of Oklahoma's  "Aquacades  of  TiL'".
I'iivhnll, tiie Opening attraction,
will  be doused  witli  kerosene and
| lit, with a mulch.   His survival will
i depend   ou   how   quickly   lie   dives
■ inlo llie pool.
All should go well if Fireball
does not develop tluu most common  of  maladies,   First  Night   Jit-
1 lord.
—Photo by Joe QU6n
MATRIMONY faces former editor-in-chief Les Armour
Saturday when he weds Miss Christine Murray in New
Westminster. One of UBC's most controversial figures,
Armour finally received a vote of confidence at a special
AMS meeting last year. Following the wedding he leaves
for the University of London where he will take his Ph.D.
in philosophy. PAGE TWO
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 5, 1952
THE UBYSSEY
M KM DER CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS
Authorized as second class mall, PnRt Office Department, Ottawa.
Student subscriptions $1.20 per year (Included in AMS fees). Mail subscriptions
*2.00 per year. Single copies five cents. Published throughout the University year by
the Student Publications lioard of the Alma Mater Society, University Of British
Coluniblrt. Kditorlttl opinions expressed herein are those of the editorial staff of the
Ubyssey,' and not necessarily those of the Alma .Vtnter Society or of the University.
Offices In Ih-ock Hull For display advertising
Phone ALma 1024 Phone ALma 3S58
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF   JGt 80HLI6JNQ1R
Executive Editor, Ed Parker; Feature Editor, Klsle Qorbat; City Editor, Mytft Green;
News Editor, non Sapera; Women's Editor, Flo .McNeil; Literary Editor, Gait Elklttgtbn;
OUP Editor, Patsy Byrne; Circulation Manager, Marlon. Novak; Editorial Assistant,
Vaughan Lyon; Staff Photographer, Hux Lovely.
8enlor Editor this Itsue • **U Plnee
Deskmen.   Tom   Shorter, ,Mlke   Ames,   Harvey   King;   Reporters,   Ray   I-rfigle   Peter.
Sypnowich, Anlee Brickman; Feature Reporter, l>ot Auerbach.
Letters to the Editor should be restricted to 150 words. The Ubytltfy reilrvee thi
right to cut letter* and cannot guarantee to publish all letter* received.
While The Sun Shines
The Sign On The Wall
It seems that defeats on the field, which
have caused so much dissatisfaction among
the student body, have madesno impression
atall on U$C's athletic officials. | Certainly
their illusions of grandeur have not been
dampened.
fv/o weeks before examination time they
decide that "UBC Day" be held at the Kerris-
dale tee Arena in conjunction with a Thunder-
blrd-Wheeler game J It does not seem to haye
occurred to anybody that students would not
turn out at a time so close to exarris. "Surely, it
is not unreasonable to ask that some thought
be given in future to such ambitious publicity
schemes.
Working along the same lines, the organiz
ers of last Friday's basketball game in the
War Memorial Gymnasium reierVed the
whole center section of tiie bleachers for
complimentary tickets, supposedly by order
of Mr. Ostjorne hlmself.| Did t!he organi»rs
expect to fill those seats with an assortment
of VIP's?
Whether they did or not, there still ls no
reason to keep there seats reserved for the
whole game, and keep students who paid to
see the game stranded in the,tipper corners.
It is these little neglects that show the attitude of UBC sports authorities; an attitude of
indifference, high-handedness and plain stubbornness to recognize the sign on the wall.
gobbledygook
Hal Tennant
tin yoii, as,a Ubyssey reader,
sometimes wish this paper's col
ttmnlstw would ko plumb straight
to Hell?
If so, let me warn you that hik-Ii
Wishful thinking is a plain old-
f&Shlohed waste of time.
In the first place, I understand
from the daily press that Hell Ih
POW being nWWle yady especially
i'or those who refuse to embrace
the doctrines of Social Credit
Entry   on   any   other   bants   is
prohibited.
'       v        ;» . .-■..''
And   In   the' second   place,   it
would be far more cruel to let the
Ubysseys' writers talk themselves
out, because their doom is sealed
anyway. 1 know that from  what
has  happened  to  the  columnists
of the past.  Let ns  examine th"
shameful record ol jusi a lew of
those writers whose by lines on -e
appeared on these panes.
THE   MUMMERY
Eric Nicol: Too cowardly to us■>
his real name over his stuff, Nicol
masqueraded in the Ubyssey for
years as ".Jabez.' Finally, he was
enticed to leave the campus, by
means of u large bribe (they
called It a "travelling fellowship"
ul the time, to hush up the
scandal.)
This took him into Paris, whero
he lurked for a time In the hovels
of the Seine's Left Bank. But his
conduct was too banal even for
the Bohemians there, and he was
scion forced to leave France. The
magistrate gave him a floater
(whicli Nicol, in his own whimsical way, has since referred to
as a steamer) and that look him
acro.nH the channel to Knalaiid,
where he became u famous radio
writer.
And he has .continued on tins
downgrade ever since.
At the moment, be bus his work
appearing in a curtain Vancouver
evening newspaper (not the Sun)
hill his editor is constantly fearful that Nicol vvill find out that
other professional columnists In
slst on beinn paid in negotiable
funds, instead of merely iinvlni;
their names in hig, black type,
ad   their  picture/  on   billboards.
AND ALL THAT
Les Armour: A canny columnist In his day, Armour always used
bin head, and consequently came
out with some pretty pointed remarks, lie was also boss of the
whole i'hyssey at one lime, nl-
thougli no one could figure out
how he got. the .job. The truth Is
that. Studeiils" Council nave the
Pub n slim ;ini| meagre budget,
that, yenr, so Pubsters I bought
Ihey .should luive .-in editor-iii-chief
to mutch.
I'm li:i|)|iy lo i'c|iorl thai since
he lell school, Armour has been
doing far heller than Nicol. II -
is on   relief.
But Armour Is now about to
en'foark on the most foolish venture of his career, which will be
no mean achievement, come to
think or It.
I refer to the fact that he Is
getting married. I suppose when
a writer runs out of material (ns
Armour did after his very first
'•nluniiil, he must seek new experiences for inspiration. But If
Armour thinks he can use his
marriage experiences as the basis
for a book he will find he haa, -is
they Kay on the radio, A TALK
WKLL CALCULATED . . . TO
KIOKP HLM l\ . . . KXPRNSKt
WHILE SUN 8HINE8
Vic Hay: He was the only Pubster I ever met wlio svas still
growing at the age of el.'i. At least
I always assumed he was grow-
in:!, because bis head was constantly poking through the top
of  his  hair.
Hay perpetrated a column
whicli he craftily called "While
The Sun Shines," a move which
was of course, merely a cheap
stunt to guarantee himself a
constant flow of fan mail from
members of the local Chamber
of Commerce.
e
Well, Vic finally left school to
become, fittingly enough, a dealer in underarm deodorants and
similar products. You who remember him might think it fortunate  that   he  became  his   own
' best customer. But it didn't work
out that way. (Uie night, he accidentally took an overdose of
chlnrophyl tablets, and now, no
matter how long he stay* with
the company, lie will always he
regarded as the greenest man on
'tho stuff.
IN THIS CORNER
Jim Banham: I never laughed'
so hard at anything lis 1 did u'
those first columns of Jimmy's I
often wondered why he nevr
seemed flattered by my amusement over his work. Then ono d-iy
he pointed out. thut. he was writing the only serious column In
the   Ubyssey  at  that   time.
Jimmy has lately climbed i
fair distance up the success hinder, despite a few broken runss
here nnd there. Once n devoted
Pubster, he is now in charge of
the PNK Hobby Show, which
should prove that « man's hobbies
grow   duller   as   he   grows   older.
He Is also writing a novel in
llis spare time. The publishers
told him that if it was good, he'd
make $iiM>n.
But if il turns out lousy, he's
guaranteed  at  least, a   million.
CHILDREN'S  HOUR
Les Bewley: Bewley was known
to his readers as "Old Uncle I'."
when he carried on his ini'iut;-
lions for years and years and
years and years, in a column called  "The Children's   Hour,''
All his nieces and nephews are
advised ut this point to take a
firm grip on the arms of their
chairs, while I convey the aa-
founding news that Old Uncle 11.
is uhout to swap the bachelorhood he lias cherished all these
years, for the shackles of matrimony, come St.  Valentine's  Day
Those who are most despondent, over this news may Jump to
the conclusion that tliPlr old
uncle has chosen this step as n
form of self-punlshmept for his
failure to capture the leadership
of the Tory Party ln B.C. during
last week'* convention.
That Is not his motive, which
is, nevertheless, political In nature. The ugly truth Is that, as
a blindly fanatical rogressive Con
servntive, Bewley has long plotted to bleed the Liberal government of its tax surplus.
Old Uncle B. once planned to
accomplish this objective by
grabbing bis share of the federal
Old Age Pension. However, since
he is not merely a Progressive-
Conservative, but a YOUNU Progressive Conservative, '^'..ley
couldn't tile his OAP application
without his political cronies finding out that he Is no longer under
(if.,   (lie is  actually  s:i).
DROOLY BEWLEY
Bewley (who is known among
the Young P.C.'s as "Drooly Hew
ley") had paid up his Young P.C.
membership several years ln advance, so he could hardly quit
tiie Organization. Thus, for a
while, it looked as though he
must choose either the OAP or
membership in the young party.
He couldn't quit the party and
join the Socreds without usir.A
some of his meagre funds to buy
a  Bible.
A lesser man would have su:
rendered But not our Uncle B.
He cunningly set about to woo
and win the hand of the first
young maid who looked sideways
at. him, which is a dangerous way
for any damsel to look nt Uncle
II.
Bui now, by getting married, he |
is setting a trap I'or the Liberals, j
After February .14, It will only be [
a matter of time.
Bewley will be at work on his :
plan to bleed the Liberal govern-1
ment of Its funds.
It is true that, the govenrinent
has a great deal of money.
But, for nil its wealth, It is
bound to go broke wlum it trets
to finy' Family Allowance for the
ever-inero.isitig numbers of off
spring that will be sired by a
certain Sll-yeur-old Young Progressive Conservative.
History may look back on il
as a national calamity, but nice ■;<
and nephews everywhere will
say, "We knew you could do I',
Uncle  B,"
A simple little tale, this, dedicated to those who will spend
the Yule-tide season about the
joyous hearths of rustic dwellings,
in places far removed from the
grime and tinsel of the metro-
polls.
WELL COVERED
It was the night before Christmas and the snow lay d^e . over
the town ot Dead Horse 'reek,
It Wns good snow, that lent a
kind of beauty to the frame building*. It bid from sight the dirt,
cans, bottles, and garbage which
normally cluttered the main
street, it ley over the town like
u fWffy blanker, reflecting the
pallid starlight while it concealed
the ugliness betaeath.
From the l4»t Chance Saloon
and the neighboring Bonanza
Hotel sounds of carousing, punctuated by pistol shots, broke the
chtll silence of the winter night.
From time to time a stream of
orange light would spill onto the
street as swinging door* were
pushed open to emit a tipsy miner,
or one recently deceased.
CHANCE MltTHW
it wm shortly before midnight
when the doore of tbe Last Chance
and the Ootmtiea opened simultaneously end from each emerged
* huikiag, tt«er4«4 miner. Both
were well over seven . feet in
height, well-heeled, and well-
oiled. It was the intention of
both to spend some time and
money ln the opposite establishment and It was Inevitable that
their paths should cross.
Now let lt be known that on
any other day of the year, Including Sunday; had these two
met under similar circumstances,
they would hove emitted bestial
roars and Siting themselves at
each other, biting with their teeth
and kicking nt one another with
their great miner's boots.
gRUNDLY EXCHANGE
Wut it was Christmas Eve.
Meeting ln the middle or the road,
waist-deep in snow, they stopped,
boomed greetings, and exchanged
cut-pltiR and draughts of fiery
red-eye from Identical bottles.
After the liquor had been drunk
and the bottles eaten, and the
echoes of gargling and chomping
were but n whisper in the distant
ant hills ,the two regarded each
other with mutual satisfaction,
"Waal, ya gol-durned ole rnttle-
snake," said the first.
"Waal, Smitty, ya*.!i«UMigy ole
coyote," said the other.
They giggled. Snlltty bit the
neek Off another'bottle.
"Waal," said .Smitty. three
bottles later, "she's Christinas.''
"Yup," replied the other, whose
name happened to be Bottlenoae
Anderson, "she ahoreer'n hell Is."
Smitty looked reflective. Bottle-
nose looked wistful. They gulped.
Tears lhe size of baseballs appeared in the blood-shot eyes.
MINCE PIE MEMORIES
"Minds me of my ole lady,'
rasped Smitty, breaking off a
tear   from   his  whiskers,   ''(lolly.
Classified
LOST: BIOL. 11380 LABS. AC
ion .".Ul.l.ahs. Thesis notes. Finder please turn them in at the
AMS Lost ai)d Found.
WANTfift: VOU NO CO-ED TO
co-operate in Machiavellian intrigue witli interesting young
man. Owns his own car, is independently wealthy. Write or
phone Edward L. Smith, 2 Hit! VV.
8th, CE. 5248. All replies answered promptly.
she could wliomp up a" mince pie
. , . when she was sober," lie
added hastily.
"My old lady could shore make
a mean mince pie," said Bottle-
nose, "makes me slobber to think
of em,"
Smitty drooled reminiscently.
"Never et nuthln' like 'em.
Neighbors used to come from
miles around at the smell of 'em."
''Guess my old lady's were better nor anybody's," said Bottle-
nose, absently disengaging a
timber wolf from his leg, where i
It had been gnawing Ineffectually
for the past hour, "seems that
everybody aald so."
WARM FRIENDLINESS
The smile faded from Smltty's
face.
"My old lndy made the best
pies in the world, including Spuz-
zum."
A sneer appeared on the face
of Bottlenose.
"My old lady could cook the
pants off yourn any day."
'ifcouldn't!"    '
'tCouId!"
flmitty's face went livid with
rage.   Bottlenose saw red.
"You're a fibber!"
"Vou're a mealy-mouthed fib-
eert"
Justly Incensed nt these vile
epithets,    they   emitted    bestial
vie haye
roars and flung themselves at one
another,  lilting with  their teeth,
and kicking at one another with
their-great miner*' boots.
BACK TO NORMAL
A chorus of ribald laughter
floated from the Bonanza Hotel.
A fusillade of pistol shots rang
out from the Last Chance Saloon.
The mournful howl of the wolf
quavered across the snow. Christmas had come to Bend Horse
Creek.
At what age
do most
women retire?
jtjL
Ten year8 earlier
than men . • •
usually at 55,
They also live longer. Built*
neM women, therefore, require retirement income for
a much longer period of
time than men. Many women
find Mutual Life of Canada
policies, Wif It flieir absolute
•ttfety, their steady Increase
In values end their long
record of generous dividend
payments, the best possible
way of providing adequate
income for the future.
Discuss your problem today
witli a Mutual Lite or Canada
representative.
Vancouver Branch Office
402. W. Pender Street
H Eric V.Chown,LL.B.,C.L.U.
Branch'Manager
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STUDENT TOUR TO
EUROPE
Sail from Montreal S.S. Ascania June 11th. Scotland,
English Lakes, Chester, Shakespeare Country, North and
South Devon, London, Holland, Belgium, Germany (the
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Venice, Rome, Hill Towns, Florence, Italian and French
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including complete land programme plus
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ask for detailed itineraries
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57   Bloor   Street,   West,   Toronto,   Kingsdale   6984
Management: J. F. A G. H. LUCAS
Jfleasure,
the sov'reign bliss
ofk
uman
Alexander Pope,
January and May
7
/M<v4/ltf
federal fuse
To quiet thinking or quick action,
ice-cold Coca-Cola brings the
pleasure of real refreshment.
COCA-COLA LTD.
"Ceire" It a rtgiiltrtd trademark.
•14X
; Friday, December 5, 1952
THE    UBYSSEY
PAGE THREE
And All That
1 am still unable to comprehend fer some prudent advice,
les armour
the memo requesting this column.
It wns signed hy someone who
purported to he the Executive Editor and, incrediably. It *nld tint
Christmas exams were In the off-
ing and that there were no longer
enough pubsters around to produce
u paper.
In my remote past, 1 studied Ior-
lc and the connection seems hopelessly remote,
ChrlMtmas exams are held every
year. I know. 1 wrote them for
more years than most of you tan
remember.
Rut when did Ubyssey staffers
start to panic? Hl|s some alarmist
hired by an insidious administration been lntimatu% that it tukes
sudy to pjiss exams?
NO CONNECTION
Manifstly. the time has come to
reveal the truth.
Exnins — Christmas or otherwise —' have never hu'rne* the remotest connection to academic
ability. They are held because
professors have to prove that they
stll have two or three of the students who enrolled in September.
It is also required that a certain
percentage of students flunk. This
ls so professors can have conferences on "standards,"
And this Is the catch.
Let me therefore draw upon my
vast wealth of experience wild of-
As soon as you step into the
exam the administration's cdnfu<
sion tactics will assail you. Exam
booklets say "Take any seat No.
123447."
This Implies .that you have freedom of choice.
CONFUSION
You   haven't.
You will find that there Isn't any
seat No. 123447. In fact, there
aren't any seat numbers at all.
But this isn't the worst of It.
When you have discovered that
they gave you the paper for Pbys-
Ics 197 when you came to write
Philosophy 304 and that nobody
has ever heard of Philosophy 304,
you can start to read the s questions. (You might as well write
Physics 197. Matter of fact It's a
good course and you would never
have found out anything more
about It. anyhow).
The first one will probably ask;
"What do you know about bel:i
rays In relation to the quantum
theory?"
The correct answer, of course, Is
"nothing" nut canny ndminstrntora
expect yon to write almost anything else. (Matter of fact, there
is NO connection.)
UNLUCKY  YOU
It you have the misfortune to
write an* Kngllsh exam, you will
be required to ascertain the color
of the eyes .of Shakespeare's great
aunt   Sussy.
It happens that Sluvkespeare had
no great aunt Susy but no English professor will believe you,
the right answer is "MacDough, In
hook Eye Colors in pre-Kllzahethan
England, inclines to the opinion
the color W3s a brown 'verging on
green (p. 198) though Hennesy is
his more authoritative work
'Sliakespaare's great aunts and
the Relation of their Eye Colors
to . the second Grave Diggers'
Speech in Hamlet' prefers to believe that they were grey. Actually, they were, blue."
None of these authors or books
exist. But the English department
doesn't know THAT either.
In fact, your only hope Is to find
that Philosophy 304 , paper after
all.
It will ask: "What do you think
of the  Soc red victory  In   B.C."
The right answer ls: "I prefer
not to think about lt."
Dr. Savery will, give you a pass
mark.
CLASSIFIED
TYPING: ESSAYS, TMESIS,
m a n u s c rlpta, mimeographing.
Elolse Street,   No.  7  Dalhousie
Apts., University Blvd. AU
.   C6«)
TYPING ESSAYS, THESIS, ETC.
Campus nates. Phone CH. Mft.
1715 ftutttoar.
EXPERIENCED FRENCH TE&
cher. recently had; from Paris,
will give tuition in French, diplomas. Phone Madame .Inittette
Eraser, CE. -3*22. 2<»2* Wws tilth"!
(80)
» »ny   mi i'i.' ^ .
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.imfVfi * n,...,H»y,>..M
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(Jhz&AitisuL
TYPING: ES8AYS, THESIS,
Notes, expertly and promptly
typed. Moderate rates. We use
Campbell's book of rulecfeuakey
and Cook's and Essay Specifications by the Department of An-
plied Science. Serving students
since 1346. Mrs. A. O. Robinson,
4180 W. llth Ave., ALma 0915R.
OENTIjEMAN'8 FAWN Eptfi-
llsli gabardine raincoal Condition
perfect. Very reasonable. KErr.
B150L.
TYPING. ESSAYS, REPORTS.
Thesis. Molle Cotton, 4464 W,
10th Ave, Phone AL. 3550.     (37)
(30)
SOCIOLOGY  200  TEXT, MAiRT-
1 ntale and Monachesl.'AI^834fHi..
m --—^ -^ ym
C M fi I M E E fe-C
NATIONAL RESEARCH COUNCIL
CANAOA
Requires
HONOUR G«jUKJAt«» AND POSTGRADUATES
In
ArcMtteHirt
Civil Enginttring
Etotrkel Cwglnttring
fttfiftttriftf Phytic*
Mtchonicol Engirtttring
Radio Phytict ond Electronic!
For work in the lafcorirtaries ol the RESEARCH DIVISIONS at Ottawa
SALARIES
The standard starting rates for 1953 graduates will be: Bachelors, $3400 per
aomim; Masters, $3900; Ph.D's. $4300. Higher starting rates may be paid for
pertinent experience. Junior engineering staff may receive semi-annual merit
increases amounting to $300 per annum until a salary of $4300 is reached.
For consideration in January, applications should -reach the Employment
Officer, National Research Council, Ottawa, not later than 31 December, 1952.
Information on the openings in the fields listed and National Research Council
application forms are available in the Placement Office.
.TON'S
the "Kitten", the newest, softest, moil fantastic
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There's an exciting "Kitten" skirt to match too .,, styled by
Phil Cohen of Montreal.    At fine stores everywhere!      %
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TORONTO • CANADA
Ideas She'll Love
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She'll say you're an angel . . . when you hand her any one
of these little feminine luxuries that are knowing
expressions of thoughtfulness. And we have
niany, many more in a wide price range
for your choice. Visit and see for yourself
the selection in the "Gift Bazaar"
at EATON'S!
■sir*
* ••
"H^JeV**
"DuBarry"  Debutante
Travelling   Kit
Complete with make-   G.
up Each 10.00
Frothy Hankies
trimmed  with  laceH.
Each 75c   H.
Perfume  Atomizer
Cut glass..   Each 6.50
"Chanel No. 5"
Perfume    in    dainty   ••
bottle.
Each 6.00 and 12.00
Jewel m\fix
Leatherette eovered.
Each 10.50   J-
Musical Powder Box
"Jewelled"    lop    box.
plays "My Wild  Ii-InIi
Rose" and "Because"
Each 10.00
Evening Stole
Wool with interwoven
metallic threads.
Each 11.96
English Compact
Made  by  ",Vovan" of
Eimland. painty scroll
work top.     Each 4.78
Simulated  Pearli
Oift boxed. Choker and
necklace combination.
Each 7.95
Drester Set
Chromium-plated.     A
place  for  initials.
Brush,  mirror,  comb,"
Set 11.50
Bright Meadsquaree
Satin   and   crepe   in
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EATON'S Oift Baiaar
— Third Floor PAGE FOUR
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, December 5, 1952
Basketball Is
King Tonite
Thunderbirds, Western, Eilers, C.P.S.!
Tangle In Tourney For Indian Trophy
By tomorrow night UJ3C students and the eager vultures
on the downtown papers will know if the Thunderbirds really
have a good club or if they are destined to another season of
close losses and bad publicity.
BIRKS
—Ubyssey Photo by Hux l/ively
GAINING CONTROL of the ball was a rarity in the game in the Gymnasium, yesterday
noon, but here Val Christie snags a rebound as Stew Madill (13) gives moral support.
JayVees put on an exhibition of basketball that was guaranteed to keep the spectators
away in droves as they lost to Mount Vernon Junior College, 65-58.        ^	
No Hustle, Coaches
Cause JayVee loss
By BILL BOULDING
ln the Gymnasluhi, Thursday
uoon, the Jayvees put on un exhibition of basketball that Is guaranteed to keep the spectators!
away in droves aa they lost to
Mount Vernon Junior College
G5-&8.
The first halt was dreary and
dull with the Mt. Vernon team
playing like «a team that intended
to win the ball game, while tTflt
played like H-—. except for-a
lew. flashes of drive by •Madill,
Christie und Boulding, the latter
two leaylng after a few minutes
with three fouls each (weren't
much help on the bench though).
The rest of the three or four
players used (out of sixteen) looked way out of their depth, you
might even say they shouldn't
huve been there,
Although the Hirds have won
four of five exhibition games they
are definitely behind the eight ball
in the view of most observers. That
horrendouji 2-34 record last year
Ik the nkeleton In the closet to Jack
Pomfret's hoys, If they make the
slightest slip they are assigned to
tho nshcan again, victims of lust
year's record.
They beat Western Washington,
everybody said Western hadn'fhad
any practices. They bent Eilers;
the second-guessers said it was a
Letter
Sports Editor, Uhyseey,
Denr^Blr: In my opinion, your
flrtiJf- about the Thunderbirds
hockey team's performances last
.Monday night was absolutely repulsive and disheartening. How do
you expect to promote'student Interest In UBC sports when you literally make a farce ot the team's
attempteV-
Granted, the Birds had a bail
night on Monday but so do professional teams. Have you forgotten
the excellent UBC hockey team*
of the past? This Is the only sport
on the campus that the Athletic
Oomnilsxlon can be proud of.
Plense note the tremendous per-
rormu|ce displayed hy "Ha-IH"
Birdqjjipn , Wednesday when we
clobbittBd   the  powerful   PNE   In-
diao*»,to 1
Bill Olsen 1st Eng,
duke. Tliey boat Clover Leafs; the
iiunclstand wolves said they were
lucky.
START8 TONIGHT
The result Is that the Hirds have
to prove themselves at the Totem
tournament .starting tonight. In the
•jpener at 7:W Western Washington Vikings take on College of
Puget Sound Loggers. At 0:00 the
Thunderbirds meet Eilers, Senior
A representatives.
Fans will lie assured of at least
one Canadihn team in the final on
Saturday night, with the Friday
losers meeting in the consolation
round.
Seven lettermen have .returned
to the CPS suuad, led by Jake Mayberry, leading Logger scorer last
yenr and third among the nation's
free-throw artists. The whole starting lineup has returned from last
year, a factor that should make
the Loggers stronger than last
year's 10-J5 record. In Conference
play they finished fifth, with 5 wins
and 7 losses.
The Vlklhgs from Belllnghnm
will undoubtedly look much
stronger than in their appearance
here several weeks ago. And the
Eilers. fresh from their win over
Clover Leafs, will be out to revenge
their low to Birds.
Good news for I'BC Is contained
In "the announcement that Danny
Zaharko will be in the line-up. With
his leg healed. Danny will lie back
with Upson to lead the UDC atlack.
The only
self-winding
movement
running on
ball bearings ...
fTERNft'MflTie
Made in the
world-famous
ITtANA
Craftshops in
Switzerland.
BIRKS
JEWELLERS
Granville at Georgia • MA 6211
SUMMER
EMPLOYMENT
NATIONAL RESEARCH COUNCIL
CANADA.
Requires
HONOUR UNDERGRADUATE AND GRADUATE STUDENTS
HI
Architecture
Chemical Engineering
Civil Engineering
Electrical Engineering
Engineering Physics
Mechanical Engineering
Radio Physics and Electronics
For work in the Research Divisions nt Ottawa
SALARIES
Summer employees are paid according to their training; students who have
completed the second year in a i'our year course receive $175 per month;
third year students $225 per month; Bachelors $255 per month and Masters
S275 per month. A travel allowance is made to students from distant
universities.
For consideration in January, applications should reach the Employment
Officer, National Research Council, Ottawa, not later than 31 December, 1952.
Application forms are available in the Placement Office.

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