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The Ubyssey Mar 16, 1934

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 ®ftP ?Ufg00-*tt
Issued Twice Weekly by the Students' Publications Board of The University of British Columbia
VOL.. XVI.
)L.XVI.
VANCOUVER, B. C, FRIDAY, MARCH 16, 1934
No. 40
BEER  LICENSE   FOR   UNIVERSITY DISTRICT!!
Liquor Board Announces
Startling Innovations In
Government Beer Policy]
Prominent Students Express Gratification At
Unexpected Announcement
"No Drinking on the Campus" Says Collins
Emphatically When Interviewed
A beer license for the university area was the startling announcement made yesterday in a wire from Victoria by the
Fliquor Control Board. After considerable representations from
interested parties authority was given to the 'Cat and Parrot' to
open a tavern on the premises.
This is the first result of the government's new liberalized
liquor policy in an attempt to compete with the United States.
Work has already begun on the fit-<*>
ting out of the premises,   and   the    »t VJ's,        *     /M»   C
proprietors of the "Cat and Parrot" *NeW JLCIltOr-in-Cnief
expect to open for business very
shortly. There will be free beer on
the first two days for all students
carrying a library card, providing they
are over twenty-one years of age.
Mark Collins declared himself astonished at the new innovation. "On
the whole I consider the idea sound,"
he said. "It will produce a much
needed spirit among the student body.
But I am totally opposed to drinking
on the campus," he added.
"The rneasure is distinctly progressive,' said Milton Owen to the Ubyssey.   "I am very much surprised at
the  action  of the government,  but
„v«Ky happy."   «, 5*   » -
Miss Dallert expressed herself somewhat dubiously. "Although the idea
is basically sound, I do no tbelieve
there should be indiscriminate drinking between the sexes. We must
have moderation at all costs."
A wire of congratulation on the
new measure was sent to the chairman of the Fliquor Commission by
the Bublications Board yesterday,
after a riotous meeting attended by
the whole staff.
WEDDING BELLS
Considerable astonishment was expressed on the campus yesterday
when it was learned that two members of the smart younger set had determined to embark upon the troublous seas of matrimony and join together in the nuptial bond. The marriage took place yesterday of Marcus
Antonius Collins, well-known bon-
vlvant and ward politician and Mrs.
Clucas, social butterfly and authority
on measles.
Tho happy couple eloped to Bell-
ingham last night, and were united
in wedlock by the Chief of Police.
The service was obliged to terminate
suddenly when th. bridegroom found
that his nuptial partner was adverse
to all forms of osculation as unhy-
genic and absurd. All attempts to
have the marriage annulled were unsuccessful, as it was discovered that
Mr. Collins had two other wives anyhow.
Th. bridal couple will be at home
to their many friends and relations
in tho Men's Common Room all next
week. Tickets of admission to view
the exhibit are said to be at a considerable premium.
ARCHIE THOMPSON
Appointment of Archie Thompon as
Editor-in-Chief of the Publications
Board was made tentatively by Students' Council after recommendation
from the retiring editor. Thompson
has served for three years on the
Board and will be the senior in point
of service, For the last year he has
been News Manager of the Ubyssey,
and previous to that served as an
associate editor for a year.
A.M.S. CANDIDATES
The list of nominees for Council offices to be contested next
Tuesday is as followes. Candidates for the presidency of. the
men's undergrad are: G. Harold
F. Johnson and Walter F. Kennedy.
Jamie Malkin and Bruce Robinson are running for Treasurer
of theh A.M.S.
Allan Baker. Phil Northcott,
Hugh Palmer, John Sumner are
contesting the ofice of President of the L.S.E.
Clare Brown and Dorothy McRae are runlng for president of
the Women's Undergraduate Society.
For president of the Women's
Athletic Association are Mamie
McKee and Jean Thomas, while
Jim Ferris, Cam Gorrie, Doug.
James, R. J. Klllam, Ted Madely and Art Wiiloughby are contesting the office of Junior
Member.
Candidates for the presidency
of Men's Athletics are "Tiny"
Rader, Frank Rush and Fred
Bolton.
Abolishment Of
Frat Tables
Mather
Elected
President
New Prexy Happy At
Election
A.M.S. President
Fraternity and sorority tables must
go, was the ultimatum delivered by
the Discipline Committee yesterday
in a long report to the Inter-fraternity Council. They were characterized [
as a distinct menace to student life.
'Tha ballots have spoken. Murray
Mather was elected president of the
Alma Mater Society in Tuesday's elections. Immediately after the official announcement a crew of Ubyssey reporters sought out the new president who was found holding a reception for his many friends in one
of the bottom stacks.
The door in the middle of the stacks
had been closed and only those lucky
[souls knowing the password were allowed Into the lower regions. Fortunately the power of the press triumphed, and the Ubyssey is able to
print an exclusive account of the
riotous party that echoed and reechoed through the caralls until a
late hour Thursday morning, when
police at last managed to break down
the barriers and arrest the inmates.
Mr. Mather had very thoughtfully
provided some forty barrels of beer,
untold gallons of Scotch, twenty demijohns of rum, forty buckets of potato champagne, one hundred cases
of assorted vanilla and lemon extracts
and sixty kegs of Listerine.
The new president was attired in
garhmds of roses and had wall-low-
rs in his hair. Sixty of the most
personable damsels on the campus
administered to his slightest desires,
whooping it up with outmost aban-
ANYDAY
A Million Years Hence
Dinosaur's' Footprints
Earthquakes and Admirals
By ARTHUR FISHBRAIN
MURRAY MATHER
Who defeated Stuart Keate on  the
third ballot in a hard-fought battle
for the A. M. S. presidency.
Every day brings new, amazing
things. In the last million years several amazing things have happened.
In the next million years several more
amazing things will happen. We will
have learned to talk with the neighboring planets by the end of that
time. This will be an amazing thing,
but by the end of that million years
the people who then are living on
the earth will be so used to it that
It will not amaze them. This shows
us that famous scientists like Galileo,
Houdini and Calvin Coolldge, several
of whom are now dead, are quite correct in telling us that a million years
from now there will be some amazing things at which people will npt
be amazed.
Complaints hod been made by many
parents that their children were not | don. In this regard they were assist
getting  a  full  nutritive  value from I ed bv the most abandoned of the Phi
their food.   After viewing the daily ?^W*°.f^
noon-hour  carousal,  one  parent
NOTICE
Senior English Rugby team meeting
Art;: 106 today, noon.
NOTICE
The Varsity basketball team lost to
Province on Monday night.
LOST—$1.00 in Aud. Building. Return
to Donna Lucas or Pub. office.
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
 ,—,„_„_.+
NOON-HOUR TALKS ON THE
ENGINEERING    PROFESSION
Date: Wednesday, March 14
Time: 12:25 noon
Place: Applied Science 102
Speaker: Professor E. G. Cull-
wlck,
Subject: The Life and Work of
thc Electrical Engineer
<|m—Ml
«—M«<—a-ltM-^HN—HHW—I.II.HXIH — l,H — II •§•
Monro Club Holds
Meeting!
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
*   *   •
"The Life of Sir William Osier,"
was the subject of a paper written
by William Gibson, of McGill University, and read by Guy Palmer to
the Monro Pre-Medical Club in Ap.
Sc. 101, Tuesday noon.
Sir William Osier had a profound
influence on medical organization.
He believed that medical men are
here to make the lives of others hap-
pir, and that "he who lives well in
obscurity lives well indeed."
Great though he was, his hopes,
fears and mental capacities were
htose of any other medical man.
He received the early part of his
education in Canada. While in hi3
second year at McGill he changed to
the medical course, and here later
received a prize for his thesis on
Pathology. His postgraduate work
was done in London, Berlin and
Vienna.
He never seriously entered private
practice but spent his life teaching.
He was a professor at McGill, Johns
Hopkins and Oxford. He was very
popular with the students and was
very interested in their work.
Thruoghout his life he kept up a
research on tuberculosis and contributed valuable Information on this
subject. He also wrote a text book
which gave him a great revenue and
enabled him to donate much to charitable clinical work.
His death was due to a chill received in an automobile ride during
the Edinborough railway strike.
"Succes is due to doing work as it
comes day, not looking to the future,"
he said.
one parent remarked, "I am astonished at the total
lack of manners exhibited at these
tables. I have had a much better
meal in many a pig-pen. My daughter
comes home every day with her garments soiled disgracefully with mud
and grime. This never happened before she joined a sorority."
Local clubs described conduct
around the tables as "disgusting" and
'licentious." Milk is known to have
been drunk with abandon, while
sandwiches were almost a common
occurrence. Were it not for fraternities such conduct could not possibly
exist.
Members of the Pep Club appeared
before the Discipline Committee
armed with banners, and dressed in
dainty green lingerie, trimmed with
blue lace. "Fraternity tables must
go," they piped shrilly. "We have
been shocked oh so many times by
the awful conduct we are now forced
to eat in the Women's Common
Room."
As a consequence of these and
other representations the Discipline
Committee determined to do away
with the abuses, so henceforth all
fraternity and sorority members must
eat off the floor.
Modern) with great fervour, and re
cited the statutes of the Province of
British Columbia nt great length.
In the aisles there was, a steady
flow of liquid refreshments which
were continually replenished with a
hose. As the booze trickled down
into the lower levels, tbe revellers
lay on their backs and caught the
drops in their ears.
Mr. Ridington expressed his approval with a wan smile. "Never has
the library been so popular among
the student body. This is particularly Important with exams coming on
apace. The new president should be
congratulated for inaugurating such
a progressive policy."
A reporter managed to ask Mr. Mather what his next year's program
would be. The president-elect swayed
with emotion as he sobbed into the
reportorial ear, "Friendsh and fellow
shtiudents," he cried, "What thish
campush needs is more fun and lesh
dishpline comittee.ih. On with the
dance. Let joy be unheshtrained. I
shtand for the New Deal, the For-
goten Man and free beer wih prezels
and shaled peanush." Here the new
campus prexy quaffed a quart jar of
Listerine with one gulp and disappeared in search of further fun, frolic
and frivolity.
Italian Scholar
Campus Guest
Next Week
ALL WE UKE SHEEP
•   *   •
Another very eminent Italian
speaker wil give a lecture in the University next Tuesday, March 20, at
noon, under the auspices of the Departments of History and Economics.
Professor Luigi Villari wil deliver an
address on the topic of "Italy from
the French Revolution to the Advent
of Fascism."
Professor Villari has just been
touring the continent, and recently
concluded a six week's lecture engagement at Des Moines University.
He is one of the best-known of Italian educational scholars and historians. He is the son of Professor Pas-
quale Vilari, well known as the author of "The Life and Times of Ma-
chiavelli."
BURPS  AND  BLURPS
BY THE SCAMPUS SCARAB
|{«»<H
By the Scampus Scarab
I take a pot at janitors—and quickly
finish off the cliques—Folks that slide
down bannisters—can not be anything
but freaks.
Thc woeful inefficiency of the janitors of this worlhy institution has
been brought to my attention. The
fleet of broomwielders has slowly
sunk into an appalling attitude of
anaemic indifference, and moreover
is guilty of gross neglect as far as
concerns student .spirit. To the ardent thinkers in the university, a
word will undoubtedly be sufficient
—the foUowing suggestion if carried
out promptly and executed immediately before the janitors, should curtail the depressing lapse which thc
janitors now enjoy: I suggest forming the janitors into corps, in regulation uniform to consist of 1 pr. blue
overalls with small white piping bordering the pants cuffs, shirts of any
lightweight material such as cheesecloth or point d'oaprit, the whole  lo
be topped with whipped cream will
a dash of pineapple sauce. Having
more or less disposed of this problem, I will now turn my attention to
the cliques which now decorate our
Cafeteria.
Here likewise cxirts an appalling
state of affairs. Little groups of thirty or forty go clow i to the C_f and
hog the tables, ancl a self-iecpccting
Scampus Scarab goes clown to th»i Caf
with his lunch only to see every chair
in th. Cafeteria decor-ted with one of
these aforesaid decorative cliques.
It is only fair, to go on to a third
item of dispute, to teil folk, who
slied clown bannister in the Arts
building, that they not only endanger
their own lives, but those of anyone
going up the stairs, or even standing
at thc bottom. Perhaps these thoughtless people could be induced to take
a sane view of the whole affair, and
either check their speed on th. corners, or keep their knees close in to
each side of tho bannisters, lt is
also only fair to warn these people
if any, that if caught by thc discipline
VANCOUVER INSTITUTE 	
Tho speaker at Saturday's meeting
of the Vancouver Institute will be
Mr. H. N. MacCorkindale, B.A., Superintendent of Schools, Vancouver,
and his subject, "Education in a
Changing Social Order." The lecture
will be given in Room 100, the Arts
Building of the University at 8:15 p.m.
This is the first time Mr. MacCorkindale has spoken before the Vancouver Institute since his appointment,
and his lecture should attract a large
and interested audience.
All Institute lectures are free. The
B. C. Electric maintains a bus service
from Sasamat Street to the University before and after the lecture.
Ghastly Butchery
In Pub Confines
Horrifies Campus
Decapitated   Editor
Grins From Wall
• • •
A ghastly and terrific sight greeted
Janitor Polk as he entered the Publications Office early this morning
after the last issue for the year had
gone to press. The head of Norman
Hacking, editor-in-chief grinned down
at him from the top shelf of the big
cupboard. Mr. Polk claims that this
would not have disturbed him except
for the fact that the rest of Mr. Hacking was not in juxtaposition to the
occiut. This, he says, unnerved him
and he fled down the corridor, uttering, alleges one of the Kaf waitresses.
who had come to work somewhat
early, hysterical laughter and spasmodic curses obscurly directed at
"silly practical jokers."
Subsequent Investigation by Inspector Vance, the campus policeman and
the chairman of tho discipline commit-
(Continuecl on Page 4)
committee they will be placed on a
carpet two feet square while said
committee joins hands and dances
slowly around singmg the old favorite: "Let's go out and split a bottle!' 'Aw, you go to hell!' "
In the Geological Museum at the
University of British Columbia there
is a piece of clay bearing the footprint of a dinosaur, which was dug
out of the coal mine at Nanaimo, a
small town on Vancouver Island. You
may remember this Island if you are
old enough to have been Interested
in politics when the Emperor William
of Germany decided on the claims of
England and our own United States
in a dispute over who was to. own
some islands on the Pacific Coast.
Although the Emperor William, as
you may remember, was an Emperor,
and King George III, who then ruled
England, was going to have a granddaughter who would also be an Emperor if she had been a man, but aa
she was a woman she had to be content with being the Queen-Empress
Victoria, the Emperor William probably gave as fair a decision as President Wilson did in the dispute between Czecho-Slovakia and Siam over
the relative precedence to be enjoyed
by their diplomatic representatives at
the Vatican.
However, William gave Vancouver
Island to the British, in spite of Lord
Ashburton, a direct descendant of
Henry the Eighth, a king who had
six wives, though not all at once, and
who solved the divorce problem by
refering it to the court executioner,
a course which we are not wise
enough to follow in our own United
States. Lord Ashburton wanted to
give Vancouver Island to Peru, to
form a buffer state between our own
United States and Canada, a course
which would have altered the history
of this continent if it had been followed.
The British Immediately established
coal mines at Nanaimo in order to
supply coal to the British Navy which
has a great tradition behind it, including such men as Admirals Nelson,
Drake, and Beatty, who are probably
as great men as Admirals Dewey and
Simms of our own United States Navy.
Drake beat the Spaniards in the West
Indies ,and Dewey beat them in the
Phillipines. It is strange that each
should have done this half way
around the world from his home
town, although Drake's home was in
Plymouth (not the one where the
Pilgrim fathers landed) and Dewey's
was Kansas City or Elmira, N.Y., it is
not certain which.
Scientists tell us that the removal
of this dinosaur's footprint, together
with the remains of the weight of
the dinosaur, altered the balance of
the earth, which i: so delicate. This
caused earthquakes in Ho-Nan, China, sometimes spoiled Quow-Ngang,
ns Oriental spelling is not always the
same as spelling in our own United
States, a result, fundamentalist preachers will tell you, of mans' attempt to
build the tower of Babel. These
i earthquakes caused the loss of 10 million Chinese lives.
It is strange to think that the wanderings of a dinosaur, the political
beliefs of two Kings and an Empress
in Europe, a President of our own
United States, a quarrel in the Pope'j
private household, the love affairs cf
a dead Englishman who had six
wives, and the comamnders of two
great navies, none of which ever saw
each other, nor had probably been
near China, were responsible for the
deaths of these 10 million Chinamen
in Ho-Nan, or if vou prefer it, Quow-
Ngang.
However,   as   Mussolini,   Stalin
(Continued on Page 3)
or Page Two
THE    UBYSSEY
Friday, March 16, 1934
Slip Ibuaaru
(Member C.I.P., P.I.P.A.)
Telephone: Point Gray 206
Issued twice weekly by the Students' Publication Board
of the Alma Mater Society of the University of British
Mail Subscriptions |2. per Year?
Campus Subscriptions $1.50 per Year.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: Norman Hacking
SENIOR EDITORS
Tuesday: Pat Kerr Friday: John Comlah
FRIDAY, MARCH 16, 1934	
A MESSAGE OF CHEER
OR
LIFE'S PROBLEM AND HOW TO SOLVE IT
Soon we shall be embarking upon life's
turbulent highroad. We are confronted on
either hand with pitfalls, and the slough of despond beckons with a siren cry. Upon one side
of us stretches our happy academic career
strewn with many fragrant garlands of
friendship. On the other hand the cavernous
maw of the future stretches indeterminately
like a grim spectre.
Where are we? Youth demands an answer and youth will be satisfied. Humanity is
growing restive with all the fervour of an outraged bull crying for her whelps.
Sweet girl graduates, who have now attained the full-blown rose of womanhood, will
soon be tripping with lightsome heart out of
our gates of learning, bent upon conquering
life's problems. Alas! sweet miss, the future
is not as unclouded as we would hope. Your
tender footsteps will be tempted astray. Your
valiant dreams will be crashed from their pedestals. Success will turn to gall and wormwood
in your hand. Life's flowing bowl will turn
sour and curdle.
But all is not lost. Thank god, our children are made of sterner stuff than to falter
under the burden of civilization. The valiant
spirit of our forefathers has not been quenched
by the bitter waters of adversity. Let us clutch
our dreams in one hand, and our mortar boards
in the other, and march onward from victory
unto victory, singing always with a cheery
smile a little message of optimism.
'It isn't raining to rain to me,
It's raining daffodils.
In every dimpled drop I see
Wild flowers in the hills.'
A CHALLENGE TO YOUTH
Life is a journey, beginning at the ALPHA
Kappa and ending at the Chi OMEGA. We flit
from heighth to depth, from depth to heighth,
from heighth to depth, from depth to heighth,
oops. Who can tell?
The man who knows the answer is indeed
fortunate. We'll bet he tells it to all the goils.
If not, why not? Come again more slow.
Let us be up and doing with a heart for
any fate. The time has come for a definite stand
on this question. Eventually, why not now?
Are our Councillors a bunch of dodoes? If not,
try Listerine. Still endeavoring, still pursuing,
learn to labor and to wait.
When the trumpet of the Lord shall sound
upon the other shore, when the morning breaks
eternal bright and fair, the stag at eve will
have dunk his fill. That is the trouble with this
University. There are too many stag lines, not
enough contacts with the sweet essence of pure
femininity. Beecham's pills are just the thing.
Whatever may be the consequences, we repeat our statement fearlessly and without rancour. The world must be made safe for democracy, work and wages. What else is a discipline committee for?
We must plant our feet firmly on the status
quo and play cricket .As Mr. Gladstone told
the immortal bard in 1884, or verse vica, "Why
doncha come up and see me sometime?"
The Time Has Went,
The Walrus Sighed
By GUY PALMER
Class and Club  }
Being the last time that little ol' G.S.P.
masquerades under the title of Co-Co ....
Ye ancient Muckateer scoops the downtown papers, including the Scandinavian, on
the latest pun, considered by all connoisseurs
as being the height of something or other . . . .
sent in, unsigned, by someone in a botanical
sort of envelope.    Ladeez an' genlmen, the
latest "Wee one the hard hiccough."
Up and Adam, maestros! (including the Scandinavian.)
USELESS INFORMATION DEPARTMENT
Exams in a few weeks, which doesn't concern anyone, including the Scandinavian . . .
Spring plays are here again .... Cleo wasn't
(note the past tense) as beauteous as supposed
. ... and guffle of that description . ...
Changing for a moment to Useful Information,
we find that, although Mussolini does not wear
a moustache, a head waiter in one of London's
largest hotels receives a pension of £2,000 per
annum. So, instead of bringing your sons (if
any, including the Scandinavian) up to be indigent cigarette advertisers, why not train them
to be imitators of pythons, and guffle of that
sort. And then there was the fellow who fell
off the motor-bike, got his coat caught in the
back-wheel, and was merrily dragged into the
maw of the ravening beast.
MYSTERY DEPT.
A member of the Dept. of Zoology, spending the weekend at Nanaimo, collected info, on
the subject of Cadbrosaurus. From what he
said, I advise you to place your bets on Caddy
being a sea-lion.   Don't say I said so .   .   . .
SOCIAL INFORMATION
Large green water-lilies will be worn in
the button-holes of all the up-to-date Men
About Town, including the Scandinavian, (previously referred to). Lilac stripes will be, according to my most-informed sartorial detec-,
tive, the predominant motif in the popular blue
tweeds the stripes will be half an inch
wide, and, according to the Govt., numbers
wil). be worn on placards, especially when being
photographed. It is now Passe to leave the
cherry in the bottom of your cocktail. It must
be carefully removed with an ice-pick and presented to your host's youngest son, who will
wait until they are petrified and then use them,
as marbles. The correct form of proposing, or,
as it called in some obscure work by Kipling,
"popping the question," is by telegram	
just write "William Harry me?" The money
thus saved should bo used in buying herrings,
or, if you don't care for herring, any kind of
fish, including the Scandinavian.
L'ALOUETTE
The next and concluding meeting of
L'Alouette will be held at the home
of Miss Eleanor Leach, 3594 W. King
Edward ave, on Tuesday evening.
There will be a speaker and the election of officers for the coming session
will take place. There are still a few
vacancies for membership in the dub,
and prospective members are requested to apply in writing to Doris
McDiarmid through the Arts Letter
Rack. Any student who has taken
French 2 is eligible. All prospective
members are invited to attend the
meeting on Tuesday evening.
V. c. u.
The Maple Hotel will be the scene
ol the final meeting of the V.C.U.,
concluding a year of campus service.
Feature of the evening's program will
be an illustrated lecture by Mr. Howard (down-the-hatch) Bentall, whose
subject will be 'Hah- of the dog that
bit me' or 'The Demon Rum.'
As hard licker is not obtainable in
the premises, members are asked to
.upply their own flasks.
THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PRESCRIPTION
SCIENCEMEN'S KNITTING CLUB
Members of the kntting club are
asked to rally to the home of Phil
Northcott Wednesday evening (last).
Plans include finishing the several
layettes now in process of manufacture, and hemstitching a set of hankies for the new president of the
A.M.S.
RADICAL CLUB
The home of Tony Osbornovltch,
1991 Prior, has been chosen for our
next meeting, the Dean of Agriculture
having got wind of our previous plans.
A discussion of the contemplated
bombing of Student's Council out of
office will be discussed. In God we
trust.
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE
NUDIST CLUB
Joe E. Browne-Clayton, President,
announces that the final meeting of
the Varsity Nudist Colony has been
postponed on account of rain. If the
weather should he fine, however, the
meeting will be held on the roof of
the science building (where the rats
live).
Associate members chosen for next
year include: Cleopatra, Mr. Horn,
Campus Crab, Peter-the-Ape, Sonny
Nemetz, Sachem Hacking, Dotty Ren-
ny, Jack Shaneman, 'Mark-time' Col-
lin.. Gee-gee Sledgewick (gee gee!)
AND W. Fresh Edmonds.
THOUGHTS AND MEDITATIONS
Being a conglomeration of sprightly ideas
.... on the gorgeous spring which is just
around the corner .... on the increasing tendencies of professors to keep going after the
five-to bell has gone (this habit should be Cam-
puscrabbed severely) .... on the near approach of Bock .... and graduation ... .on
the guy that displayed two ice-cream cones, different flavors, asking me "Richelieu have?"
.... on the futility of attempting, with disastrous results, to burlesque N. M.'s column . . .
as she did not say to the Ed. in chiff, Column
a sap and start an argument while ice wipe the
typewriter .... and nerts to you, including
the Scandinavian	
Walter Hampden
Stars Next Week
In Three Plays
It is interesting to note that the
three star-producers of the American
stage who are recognised leaders In
the legitimate theatre successfully
presenting notable plays of high standard, have been out of New York this
season, bringing their companies across
the continent with such success that
goes to prove the public is eager for
plays of quality presented by first
class actors. Of these valiant actor-
managers, Katherine Cornell, Eva Le
Gallienne, and Walter Hampden, the
last-named eminent only, this season,
will appear in Vancouver and the
three plays to be presented on March
20 and 21, two evenings and matinee,
offer a brilliant succession of productions such as have not been witnessed
here for a long time.
Walter Hampden is at the zenith of
his powers, his productions are always
noted for the rich and artistic beauty
of their settings and costuming, and
the   plays   he   Is   presenting   afford
magnificent scope for his famous characterizations of character, the plays
presenting vivid contrasts in form,
theme and character analysis.
"Richelieu," by Bulwer Lytton, in
Mr. Hamden's' masterly hands, Is
modernized, this most thrilling drama
in all stage history, sufficiently to
more closely knit the action and make
the movement swifter, and the language simplified. The second play,
Shakespeare's great tragedy, "Macbeth," needs no comment. In contrast
again to both these plays in the first
of which the game of intrigue played
by the powerful Cardlna saves the
state and the throne for Louis XIII.
against the plots of <his enemies, in
the second greed and ambition bring
despair and destruction, both fraught
with human conflict, "The Servant in
the House" is a profoundly moving
drama of a household at war with itself restored to peace by Manson who
brings all to their senses with his
practical message of human brotherhood. In spirit this play is resembled
by "The Passing of the Third Floor
Back."
LITERARY FORUM
Judge Helen Gregory McGill was
the guest speaker at the tea held in
thc Lower Common room on Wednesday by the Literary Forum. The
speaker was introduced by Dean Bollert, who outlined briefly the varied
and extensive career of the Juvenile
Court, Judge.
Mrs. McGill gave a summarized discussion of the laws of our province
which relate in particular to women
and children. She traced the rather
arbitrary laws which have recently
beer, amended, to their adoption, in
lj58, from the British laws which were
in force at that time.
The speaker afterwards discussed
the development of Women's suffrage
in the province, the present laws, and
the need for further reform.
At the conclusion of the address,
Miss Bollert was hostess to the girls
at tea.
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE
Correspondence   |
Editor, Ubyssey,
Dear Sir:
I attended the Wednesday performance of the Players' Club with my
grandmother, and we both came
away disgusted at the attempts of
these amateur thcspians. Instead of
an evening of entertainment and
amusement we came away from the
theatre with a distinct bad taste in
our mouths and my grandmother
claims that her heart is affected.
The scenery was very, very pretty,
but unfortunately the actors often
got in front of it and obscured the
view. Furthermore we could not
hear a word that was spoken because
of the snores in the audience. We
even feel that all this could be condoned if it were not for the crass
nescience of the stage managers who
allowed one of the pyramids to fall
into the orchestra pit. If it must
have fallen there was no necessity to!
kill the piano player. The trombone |
and the big bassoon were much worse. |
Granny and I do not wish to be j
LA CANADIENNE
The final meeting of the term will
be held Tuesday evening, March 20, at
the home of Dr. A. F. B. Clark, 5037
Maple Street. Dr. Clark will give an
ad-dress on Russian art and opera as
he saw it some years ago and as it is
under the present system. All members are urged to be present. The
meeting will be at 8 o'clock. Any students interested in French and wish-
ing to join the club will submit applications to the secretary at the beginning of the fall term.
I. R. C.
The next and last meeting of the
international Relations Club will be
held next Wednesday, March 21, at
8 o'clock. The programme will consist
of reports on the Conference at Tacoma. See invitations for further arrangements.
considered as destructive critics like
that awful Campus Crab person. We
are both of us just full of culture,
but the shameful nakedness of some
of the cast was REALLY too much.
Such a display of masculine limbs
may have been all right in degenrate
Egypt, but we really feel that some
of the most obvious proprieties might
have been observed on a UNIVERSITY stage of all places. Even the
British person, who had many redeeming features, did not show
enough strength of character to veil
his nether limbs.
Hoping that my helpful suggestion
will take some effect, I remain, I
Mother of Six.    ,
Mt. MC0MC
"When I've got s job of work io do,
whit'i the first thing? I Just naturally
fill my pipe—with Picobac.
"And after tupper—tt the end of • long,
hard day—when the time comet for t
man to lean btck in hit chair tnd crack
a imile with his friendi—what do 1 do?
Why, 1 Ught up my pipe tnd put the
Picobtc. Of course I do. Just like I'm
going to do again now.
"I wtot to tell you, gentlemen, the up.
io-dtte Burley tobtcco from Kentucky
teed, tucb t> we grow down here ia
Essex Countv now—along out Lake Erie
front—cured ... graded ... mttured tnd
mtouftctured in Ctntdt the wty Picobtc
it todty . .. well ... It hat the flavour,
it hti the fragrance. TRY itt Thtt't all.
"Good for mtking cigtretttt, too—and
don't forget, you get more tobtcco for
your money."
NEW SEAL-TIGHT POUCH 19*
HANDY POCKET TIN 10*
ALSO IN Y, POUND HUMIDOR TINS
. * IT DOES TAITI OOOD IN A PIPE *t
OUTDOOR CLUB
The general meeting for election of
officers will be held in AppUed Science 237 on Thursday, March 22nd.
All members please attend.
PANSY CLUB
Thc home of Miss Erna Costain will
be the centre of the last meeting of the
Varsity Pansy Club, when a religious
motif will feature the gathering. Sister Kozoolin will lead in prayer, while
Misses Waugh McGill, Stewart and
Smith will sing "I am Thine, O Lord."
After the quartette, Madame Wolfe
will give an illustrated lantern lecture, assisted Senorita MacDougalla,
on "The Wages of Gin Is Breath,"
while Misses Davo and Laura Todd
will take the collection. Sister Thurber will rend a soprano solo after the
lecture, and Miss Costain will speak
on "Wolfes and Their Dennes." All
members are cordially invited and are
asked to bring their fancy work.
NOTICE
There   will  be   a   meeting  of the
Swimming Club Wednesday noon.
NOTICE
Will the imbecile who removed the
Scrapbook from the Pep Club table
kindly return same. This is very
valuable to the members of the club,
and its return will be greatly appreciated.
LOST—An Alpha Omicron Pi pledge
pin, on March 13. Finder please return
to Pub. room.
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE
Banking By Mail
Remember the Bank of Montreal situated close by the University in Vancouver. Make
good use of Its "Banking by
Mail" service and every pay day
deposit a goodly portion of your
earnings In a savings account at
this office.
Before you go away call and
ask the manager for a copy ot
our folder "Banking by Mall."
BANK OF
MONTREAL
Established 1817  .
WEST POINT GREY BRANCH
Trimble and Tenth Avenue West
A. B. MOORE, Manager
SCIENCEMEN!
University Engineering Society Students' Night, March 19, 8 p.m. Medical
Dental Auditorium. All students welcome.
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
"Just Where The Bus Stops"
Pt. Grey 67, Nights Calls Ell. 1065L
K.B. PATTERSON, B.A.
PUBUC STENOGRAPHER
4479 W. Tenth Ave.
Essays, Theses, Etc. French
Will all Fraternities and
Sororities contemplating
group photographs make
arrangements with us at an
early date so that all pictures can be delivered before the end of the term.
All students desiring copies of
Athletic groups order through
the Students' Council office or
direct from us.
Yours For Service
833 Granville St.
Opp. Capitol Theatre
Phone Sey. 5737
Patronize the Advertisers
EMPRESS THEATRE—2 Performances Only March
WALTER HAMPDEN 20-21
And His Company of 35, Presenting 3 Great Plays
Beautiful Settings by Claude Bragdon
TUES. EVE | WED. MAT.
RICHELIEU I MACBETH
WED. EVE.
THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSE
Seat Sale NOW at J. W. KoUy Piano Co. Ltd., Sey. 7066
92; $1.50; $1.00.   Gallery (Rush)) SOc.   Plus Tax
Secretarial Services Ltd.
713 METROPOLITAN BLDG.
Sey. 8556
Typing Essays and Thesis—Special Rates
..+
University Book Store
All Your Book Supplies Sold
Here at Reduced Prices
*.—..- Friday, March 16, 1934
THE    UBYSSEY
Pape rhree
Fraternity House Raided
In Late Midnight Foray
By Police Authorities
Riot Squad Overcome By Scenes in Western
Parkway   Home
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
Residents of the university district
were suddenly awakened from their
slumber at an early hour this morning by the sound of a full brigade of
police cars from Vancouver. Amid
the wail of sirens and the blowing of
whistles one of the best-known resorts on the campus was raided.
With lightning rapidity the doors
of the Fiji house were broken down
by the authorities. Despite the wailing protests of tha inmates access was
made to the subterranean cellars,
where even the hardened hearts of
some of Vancouver's roughest and
toughest policemen were affected by
the sights that confronted their eyes.
It was found that ten scantilly clad
chorus girls from the Royal Theatre
were found drinking milk and reading Dickens. Upon questioning they
said that the Fljis had brought them
to the house, saying it was a night
school, and naturally the girls had
come as they were anxious to be educated.
Hash  Suspected!
Male inmates of the house denied
all knowledge of the ladies. "Their
presence in our house is a complete
mystery." declared Dick Elson, well
known habitue of the premises. "It
is all a foul machination on the part
of the Phi Delts.    The ladies were
no
game
Saturday
better
dance
the afternoon away
V*   THE
BAY
No better way for live young
moderns to work off their surplus enthusiasm than by dancing with a like-minded crowd
at "The Bay!" and not one of
them can resist the alluring
syncopating rhythm of ... .
EARLE HILL
AND HIS BOYS
All the hottest, newest numbers
from recent movies and musical
comedies! Come on down and
join the gang 1
Special Tea
A delightful menu
prepared by our expert chef! . . . .
35<
Georgian Restaurant,
Sixth Floor at THE BAY
*$$ I>Mb6p«vT3«{j 4rn»«pa«{j.^
"1CO"»0«*HO    _••   M*.
smuggled into our basement by a
tunnel from Laval Road, where there
is another well known abode of vice."
Bill Sargent was non-committal
when questioned by the morality
squad. "I won't say there were ladies in our house, and I won't say
there weren't. I have placed my defence in the hands of my attorney,
Mr. Jack Sargent."
The innocent expression on the face
of Howard Jones convinced police tha'
he was free of any suspicion. '1 always go to bed at 7:30," he said, "and
anyway I sleep in the attic, as the
continual row in the basement keeps
me awake every night."
When the case came up in court
this morning, the magistrate complimented the police on their fine work
in suppressing vice, but after looking
at the ladies dismissed the case. "The
Fijis are obviously Innocent," he declared, "unless standards of female
pulchritude have changed since I was
a boy." The aged jurist suppressed
a tear and retired amid the rendering
of a chorus by the whole fraternity,
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
ANYDAY
(Continued from Page 1)
Premier Ramsay Macdonald, who
now is at the head of King George's
Government although he used to be
a socialist, would probably say, the
deaths of these 10 million, which is
a large number, of Chinamen, is not
really Important if the students et
the University of British Columbia
really are assisted in learning geology by having the dinosaur's footprint in their Geological Museum.
These men think an intelligent geologist is worth more than a Chinaman
from Ho-Nan, or rather Quow-Ngang.
Although they all profess*.o be Christians, except possibly Stalin, you will
not find in the Bible that Jesus ever
said this.
LOST—Lady's brown Waterman pen.
Finder please return to Eugenie Cant-
well by Arts Letter Rack.
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE
Easter
Remembrances
Many young men and
women make a point to
present their mothers,
and fathers, with some
trifling but thoughtful
token at
EASTER
At Birks you will find many
welcome suggestions—useful,
appropriate and properly inexpensive.
BIRKS
HOME
GAS
Is Made by a
100 per cent.
British Columbia
Company
"YOU CAN BUY
NO BETTER"
Home Oil Distributors
Ltd.
Vancouver, B.C.
i-Lites of the Play
Masaia in the dark beside the Sphinx
Meets Bill—a kind old nobody, she
thinks—
But in the light, when recognition's
easier,
Collapses in a sort of Julius seizure.
What tells her is her woman's intuition,
Supported by the army's recognition.
"Hail, Caesar," shout the soldiers all
topether,
And Caesar nearly reigns—such was
the weather.
Eleanor Gibson, stealthy as a
cheetah,
Rejoices in thc name of Ftatateeta.
lt does not seem to matter an iota
Whether she's Totatee or Teetatota.
Till in Avt IV, when Gerry doss for
her,
"Her name is Mud," remarks the
coroner.
Lloyd Hobden, an Egyptian royal
highness,
Leans heavily on Miller (sly Pothinus)
Grim Eleanor smites Miller in the
neck
And makes of him a Teetatotal wreck.
G. Hilker, taking carpets to the
palace,
Is stopped by Lando, Roman soldier
callous,
Who as a common tradesman wrongly
rates him,
And Lando's pilum almost penetrates
him.
Hilk's carpet training helps him in
the strife;
It's made him lead a very rugged life.
Gerry is munching dates betide the
Nile:
"Nix on that stuff," says Sargent
with a smile,
"My doctor says dates injure my.
insides,
Especially such dates as March and
Ides."     '
Bill has, some years before, been
deeply smitten
With Fulton's merits (he's an ancient
Briton)
But finds the lad is strangely given
to praise
What was good form in Queen Victoria's days.
He hardly feels, this stickler for
decorum,
The Roman market place is quite
good Forum.
"What part is played by Tommy?"
you may ask.
He plays the part of Ra inside a
mask.
The man who shoulders all the backstage cares,
Constructing pylons,  platforms,
flights of stairs,
Seaking the prologue! Everyone must
feel
One rah-rah boy has got a Ra Ra
deal.
"Beware of Ice Men!"
•  •  • •
VV Advises Dorothy Brix -A-
»aa^_BM____*
Miss Brix
Dear Miss Brix: I am so utterly miserable after
being so divinely happy and I need your help. I
am married to a man who makes fifty thousand
dollars a year and we have two adorable little
kiddles. Their buck teeth arc almost in line again
and the doctor says their eyes will be quite straight
in a few more years. One of them is tongue-tied
but It doesn't matter because the other one is deaf.
They're Just too sweet, Miss Brix.
But I am so unhappy. My husband is thirty
years older than I am, but we loved each other
passionately. When he was wheeled home from his
afternoon walk each day I v/ould scamper down
the path to kiss him and we were very, very happy. But somehow our kisses
changed.   I had to do something about it.
Heaven sent an answer to my prayer a few months ago.   The most perfectly divine ice-man came to our house every day.   He has violet eyes and J
his shirt, carelessly open, discloses a wealth of hirsute adornment.   And he
kisses—oh. my dear, forgive my tears!   I only did it to keep my kissing in
good shape
But one day my husband saw us in an embrace and he has bought me
a Frigldaire (Adv't).
Dear Miss Brix, what shall I do?
Signed: Sunk in a Ditch.
Arduous Efforts Of
Players Rewarded
By Excellent Show
Outstanding   Characterization   of   Caesar
Played By Bill Sargent
Large Cast and Stage Crew Handle Many
Details of Drama
By JOHN CORNISH
Success has crowned the arduous efforts of the Players'
Club with the elaborate presentation of George Bernard Shaw's
"Caesar and Cleopatra." Performed first on Wednesday night,
the second performance last night drew a crowded house of
students, who followed with enthusiasm this interpretation of
Caesar's history in Egypt.
The exceptionally heavy demands of this drama were
capably handled by. a large cast and stage crew, and almost
every detail revealed careful preparation and thought. Despite
all said to the contrary, however, it stage designing. But the pieces—admirably built, admirably arranged—
particularly the flooring did mem to
me somewhat limited in lmmaginatlve
design; like a hesitant, perfunctory
attempt at a revolutionary Idea.
Other members of the large cast Included: Tom Lea, Norman McDalr-
mid, Norah Gibson (FtatateettO,
Frank Miller, George Johnston, Lloyd
Hobden, Thomas Burch, Herbert Barclay, Victor Patilll, Harold Lando,
Gordon Collins, Ivan Knight, C.
Fletcher, Jack Conway, Estelle Matheson, Mary McGeer, Margaret Stewart, Russell Twining, Dan Qulgley,
Stuart Keate, and others. Miss Dor-
othey Somerset was director. The
play will be repeated tonight and
Saturday night.
Dear Sunk In a Ditch: Ah, my dear, what a beautiful pseudonym! It recalls to me fond memories of what I called a policeman who arrested me for
disturbing the peace, and the six months of solitude I spent up the river
afterward.
Your problem is indeed serious but I am sure with your versatility at
alibis you will come through with flying colors. After all, my dear, you
have the true riches, two adorable kiddies, a Frigldaire (advt.) and fifty
thousand dollars a year.   Yes, my dear, the true riches.
But about your problem. If you decide to elope with the iceman, mall
me your husband's name and address and I'll see what headway I can make
explaining and conciliating him. And perhaps you had better take those
two adorable kiddies with you. No one.can fill the place of a mother In a
child's dear little heart. Yes, I certainly would take those two adorable
kiddies with you.
If ,on the other hand, you should stay with your husband and let the
ice-man go by the boards, do mail me his name and address, and I shall attempt to alleviate the pangs of shattered love. I should love to explain it
all to a shaggy-chested, violet-eyed man; they are always so sensitive. Is
he tall, too?
Believe me, dear Sunk in a Ditch, your problem is right next my heart,
and I shall await your answer with anxiety. The best advice I can give is,
keep cool with the ice-men or hot with the husband. But don't part with
those two adorable little kiddies. Nothing can replace the patter of baby feet.
They both have two legs, haven't they?
Your sincere adviser,
DOROTHY BRIX.
is the two leads that "make" the play
and fortunately William Sargent and
Masala Cosgrave, who assume these
roles, are two of the finest artists on
the campus.
Sargent As Caesar
William Sargent thoroughly earned
the laurels that covered the imperial
baldness. His bearing had the true
dignity and humanity of a great man.
He created a living character of Julius Caesar, and the rich though somewhat youthful quality of his voice,
the easy grace and restrained power
of his acting, made his the outstanding contribution of the evening.
Masala Cosgrave invested Cleopatra
with charm, but was notable more
in her moments of dramatic intensity
as the Queen enthroned, discontented,
scheming.
Minor Parts
The characters throughout were
excellently cast. Rufio (Gerald Prevost), the "rough diamond" general,
was u virile, outspoken, brusque soldier; Bretannus (David Fulton), the
barbarian, was the epitome of British
respectability, with his high moral
tone and sorry-looking moustache;
and Apollodorus (Gordon Hilker),
esthetic patrician, was suave but
somewhat underplayed his part.
The unavoidable drawback of youth
sometimes weakened tire play—fresh,
lusty voices and carefree gestures
come strange from supposedly mature men. The king's tutor and a
few others succeeded in hiding this
drawback.
Directing
The direction exploited the three-
level stage to its full advantage, and
the grouping was occasionally exquisite (as in Cleopatra's boudoir) and
impressive (as at Caesar's leave-taking). Because the play was exceedingly long it was apt at times to drag,
Shaw on occasion needs rapid-fire
delivery.
No confusion resulting from such
a mixture as a pre-war play giving a
modern interpretation to ancient
events, with ultra-modern settings-
early Shaw in modern dress—seemed
to exist. A certain timelessness nf
event was conveyed, and this was no
small achievement, doubtless aided
by settings suggestive rather than
actual.
Stage Sets
I would hesitate to criticize settings
with sc slight a knowledge of modern
Scott's
Where   you   meet   your
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after the game.
Luncheons - Teas - Dinners
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The   brightest   spot   on
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The Ballad of
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(Conclusion)
Synopsis: Joe, lonely backwoods
bird, gives refuge to a stranger in a
blizzard. In delirium, the stranger reveals that he has come North to kill
Joe, and put him out of the way, so
he can marry Joe's girl in Dawson,
"Skagway Sue," who has sworn not
to marry as long as Joe lives. The
next instalment brings a surprise for
Sue:
Joe woke in the night; the swirling
snow
Beat at the window.    The fire was
low,
The candle fluttered, its thin pale
wraith
Drifted across the little shack
And Joe'd sworn by any faith
Th. Stranger's bunk was empty and
lone.
Then his breath came short, for at
his back
He heard a muttering kind of moan.
A knife gleamed in the quiet room
In a last red flare from the dying
fire!
Joe leaped from his bed ere the point
struck home,
And the stranger cackled in insane
ire.
Joe grabbed for his gun, but the
Stranger saw,
And beat Three-Finger to the draw.
Joe felt a bullet thud his chest.
"God curse you!" and he groaned and
fell—
"Well, Skagway gits th' man that's
best!
But I ain't goin* to hev you tell
Sue how you downed me in fair
fight-
Stranger, I'd do you in tonight!"
The knife was lying at his feet,
Joe picked It up and threw it straight
And the Stranger's laugh died in a
gasping groan
As  the knife sunk in through skin
and bone.
•   •   •
In the lonely shack with its icebound
door,
Two forms lay on the cabin floor,
Quiet and cold, and the grey wolves
prowled—
Ranged round the shanty and whimpered and howled,
And the wind w<mt down,  and the
white moon rose
And the pale stars shone on the endless snows.
THE END.
TYPING DONE
REASONABLY
Theses, Manuscripts, etc.
Phone P. G. 298
Your Nearest Bank is
The   Canadian
Bank of
Commerce
Tenth and Sasamat Branch
A general banking business is transacted, and accounts of the Faculty and
Students of The University of British Columbia
are welcomed.
BANKERS TO THE
ALMA MATER
SOCIETY
C. R. Myers, Manager
HOTEL VANCOUVER
Spanish Grill
The Rendezvous of Vancouver's Smart Set
The success of your party is assured in the refined
atmosphere of the beautiful Spanish Grill.
Dinner Dance Wednesday
7 to 9:30 p.m.
Dinner Dance Saturday
7 to 9:00 p.m.
Supper Dance Saturday
9:30 p.m. to 1 a.m.
Earle Hill and his Orchestra
Table Reservations
Telephone Sey. 2111
Maitre d'Hotel Vol. XVI
SPORT    PAGE?
No. 40
Two Records Fall In Inter
Class Meet As Arts '34 Win
<$>
SOCCERMEN MEET
• • •
CHINESE STUDENTS
• • •
McCammon and Northcott Break
University Javelin, 3 Mile Records
Arts '36 and Arts '37 Second and Third
Two records were* smashed in the inter-class track meet
on Wednesday when Jim McCammon hurled the javelin 70
feet 10 inches, sixteen feet farther than the old record; and
Phil Northcott broke the 3 mile record by three seconds. Arts
'34 took the meet by a big margin, their 48 points being double
Arts '36 score of 24 points. Arts '37 came third with 23 markers.
Jim CcCammon of '37 and Haddon Agnew of '34 shared high
scoring honors with 20 points apiece.
Detailed results:
120 yard high hurdles—Harvey, Arts
'36; Agnew, Arts '34; Leggat, Sc. '37.
Time, 17 3-5 seconds.
100 yard dash—Stott, Arts '34; Pugh,
Arts '34; Heron, Arts '36. Time, 10
2-5 seconds.
Mile—Barclay, Arts '34; Allan, Sc.
'35.   Time, 4 mlns., 41 2-5 seconds.
440 yards—Robrets, Arts '35; Allan,
Arts '37; Northcott, Sc. 35. Time, £6
1-5 seconds.
220 yard low hurdles—Harvey, Arts
'36; Leggat, Sc. '37. Time, 28 2-5 seconds.
220 yard—Pugh, Arts '34; McTavish,
Arts '34; Klinkhamer, Arts '34. Time,
23 1-2 seconds.
Shot put—McCammon, Arts '37; Agnew, Arts '34; Martin, Arts '36. Distance, 37 feet, 10 1-2 inches.
Half mile—Barclay, Arts '34; Patmore, Arts '35; Wood and Brink, Ag.
Time, 2 mins., 6 seconds.
High jump—Agnew, Arts '34; LuttreU, Sc. '36, and Lowe, Ag. Height,
5 feet, 3 inches.
Broad jump—Heron, Arts '36; Harvey, Arts '36; LuttreU, Sc. '36. Distance, 19 feet, 10 inches.
Javelin—McCammon, Arts '37; Walk
er, Sc. '36; Agnew, Arts '34. Distance,
170 feet, 10 inches.
Hammer — McCammon, Arts '37;
Martin, Arts '36; Walker, Sc. '36. Distance, 82 feet, 8 inches.
Three mile—Northcott, Sc. '35; Er-
win, Sc. '36; Barclay, Arts '34. Time,
16 mins., 8 1-2 seconds.
Discus—McCammon, Arts '37; Agnew, Arts '34; Martin, Arts '36. Distance, 116 feet, 4 inches.
Pole Vault-Agnew, Arts '34. Height
9 feet.
The Track Club are all set to go
down to Tacoma on March 24 to
show the boys down there just what
they can do. About thirteen men
will represent U.B.C, and a very complete program will be run off. There
wiU be several relays, javelin-throwing, discus, high jump, and hurdle
events at the meet. Besides the regular team, Klinkhammer, R. Allen,
and Patmore will try out for the
remaining place today at noon,
Managerial
System Set Out
For Teams
This branch of the Men's Athletics
Association shall be known as the
"Managerial Department of the Men's
Athletic Association of the University
of British Columbia."
The Manager System In the Department of Men's Athletics Is designed
to give the maximum efficiency in
the administration of men's sports.
It is designed primarily for the major sports, and shall apply to each
major sport.
The personnel in each branch of
sport consists of: (a) Faculty Representatives; (b) Senior Manager; (c)
Not  les than  two,  nor  more  than
WE ARE NOT AMUSED
PUSH AND PULL
The tug-o'-war will have to be
cancelled unless the rope can be located. Anyone knowing the whereabouts of the rope please report at
once to R. W. Gaul.
FOR THIRD PLACE
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
Varsity Confident of Win
GAME SATURDAY
CHINESE  HAVE  STRONG  SQUAD
VANCOUVER AND DISTRICT
LEAGUE
First Division
PWLDF APts.
Women On Warpath;
U.B.C. Defeat Warsity
WOMEN  SHOW  FORM
WITHOUT     AVAIL       THE LORD WILL PROVIDE
ennedy and Scott Are Hot ctuff
Inter-class Sucker !
-<3>
0 12  2 12
1 20   8  9
2 8  6   6
2 12 24  6
1 10 11
3 8  8
2 1110
1  7 17
Maccabees   6
Art Monument  ....7
Varsity    6
Vikings   7
Chinese Students.. 6
Regals   7
xRenfrew  Argyles. 6
Regents   7
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
x—Two point- deducted for playing
ineligible man.
Third place in the V. and D. First,
of tha representatives of the University y.\ league councils, together with
one rep-esntaive appointed by Students' Council. |
C—Associate  Managers—ta>   Their'
duties shall be assigned by the Senior Manager, (b) They may rapresent
the University at League meetings.
D.—Junior Members — Their duties
shall be any dutlos assigned to them
by any Senior Manager or Associate
three, Associate Managers;   (d)  Not .Manager.
less than four,  nor more than six     Executive Functions of Managers-
Junior Managers. IA_A combined committee of Faculty
Appointments—A. — 1. The Faculty ] Representative, Senior Manager and' orites to take the tilt, for they seem
Representative shaU be chosen from! Associate Managers   in each   major finally  to  have   -truck   their   true
the Faculty by the active members "Port shall be required to meet at form,
of each major   sport   at a General least every two weeks or oftener if
Meeting.    2. The Senior Manager in I necessary during the playing se-Mr-
each major sport shall be chosen from B. Each Senior Mmager shall call at
the Associate Managers in that major le«t cne general meeting per sessJon
sport by the 6utgoing Senior Man- of the active members ln his branch
"        of sport, and he shall preside over the
meeting.      C. The Senior Managers
shall announce at the final General
Meeting each year the appointments
for the coming session.   D. No man-
ALL WE LIKE SHEEP
*   *   »
Finis will be written to the interclass soccer season on Tuesday, March
20, when Education '34 and Science
'35 tangle in the final game of the
playoffs.
The frist two games of this series
both ended in drawn scores, the first
0-0 and the second 1-1. There has
been little to pick between either
tearrl, so the game Monday should be
a ding-dong battle. The winner of
this clash will annex two points to>
wards the Governor's Cup as well as
the coveted Soccer Cup, while the
squad coming off second best will
earn one marker for the Governor's
trophy. If necessary, the game will
Division standings will be at stake'go into overtime in order to decide
tomorrow when Varsity take on Chi- a winner—a contingency that must
nese Students at Kerrisdale Park, I be Pr°vided for because of last year's
the game being timed for 3 p.m. *»™larly hard-fought series,
sharp.
As the accompanying table shows Qhagtly BlltcherV
Varsity are in the third slot now
with a single league match to play.
But the Oriental Studs are only a
point behind Varsity, and a win will
therefore put them In front of the
Blue and Gold. Varsity followers
may depend upon it, however, that
their proteges wil do their utmost to
come out victors.
For years the two squads have
been bitter rivals, the climax ori.in_
In the memorable Mainland Cup final just about a year ago. But tomorrow Varsity will be decided fav-
Week»End Sport
Robina Has Good Defence
In Pub. Confines
• * *
GORY LIMBS SCATTERED
THROUGH BUILDINGS
The U.B.C. women's grass hockey
team defeated Varsity on Saturday
to the tune of 5-0. Joan Wharton
and Dot Yellard each scored two
goals and Eileen Allchin one. The
forwards, Janet Kennedy and Kath-
erine Scott, starring for the losers,
made many attempts to even the
score but were unsuccessful, due considerably to the .ood defence work of
Robina Mowat, full-back for U.B.C.
Next  Saturday  U.B.C.   will   meet
Ex-South Burnaby at Memorial Park
2:30 sharp.   Varsity will not play.
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE
Correspondence
Editor, Ubyssey,
Dear Sir:
Now that the tumult and shouting
of the basketball playoff series has
died, and supporters of the teams
involved have had time to cool off,
I think it is time to voice a criticism
of the attitude displayed by most
Varsity fans. In the first place, there
Is only one term to apply to any
group of students who deliberately
set about "ragging" an opponent in
order to make him lose his temper-
In the second
NORMAN COX
ager, Faculty Representative, Head
Coach and President of the Men's
Athletics Association. 3. Associate
Managers in each major sport shall
be chosen from the Junior Managers
by the Senior Manager and Faculty
Representative of that major sport.
4. Junior Managers in each major
sport shall be chosen from applicants
for those positions by the Senior
Manager and Faculty Representative
of that major sport
B.—1. All appointments except those
of Junior Managers shall be made at
the end of the spring term and passed
by the out-going Students' Council. 2.
Any filling of vacancies in the autumn shall be done by the Senior
Manager and the Faculty Representative of the sport concerned. 3. In the
event of a Senior Manager falling to
return in the autumn, the selection
committee shall be comprised of the
Faculty Representative and the Head
Coach of the sport concerned and the
President of Men's Athletics.
C—Any manager may be removed
from office by Students' Council at
any time
DUTIES—A. — Faculty Representative—The  Faculty  Representative  in
(Continued from Page 1)
tee revealed that the joke was on Editor Hacking, and not Janitor Polk
The head was discovered to be in th. that of P°or ^>°ns-
position alleged by the early explorer,' Place- a &***■ number of the Varsity
a leg decorated one chandelier, an supporters only see one team on the
arm the other, the torso was found in floor' «*d rarely Slve aPP^use to the
th Totem drawer, (which at first di- opposing squad. Even though such
rected suspicion tovard Mr. S. (Ted) i loyal support may seem commendable
Madeley, but this theory was aban- to some people, it strikes the Impar-
doned upon Mr. Medeley's declaration tial observer as being one of biased
under oath that "He wouldn't have favoritism. The third point of crit-
The Chinks report that they will ony part 0f Hacking at any price.")   icism is that concerning common cour-
have their strongest elevsa out, but I Mother leg and arm turned up ln te>y ln matters Where the members
Manager Bill Creamer chlim he's un- {the Lily-Fond, while two hands and °f *!» opposing team are concerned
impressed.   "Take a look at me own a foot were jammed in the works of
lads," he said last night, "and then
make your own comparisons."
"Guarding our goal you will find
the none-too-dimlnutlve Mr. Greenwood, whom mother calls Stan for
some unknown reason.   In front of
ager shall play any sport which shall, this fine specimen of masculinity you
interfere with his managerial duties
Awards—A.—Senior   Manager—The
Senior Manager shall receive a regu-
will have no difficulty in spotting
the formidable duet of my pal Waugh
and   "Millie"   McGill   who  comprise
lation Big Block Sweater In light blue j a most impregnable defence.
color but with no armband and with
the letter M in gold chenille on the
arm.
B.—Associate Managers—The Associate shall receive a regulation Small
Block with the letter "M" attached.
C—Junior Managers shall receive
no award except qualification for promotion.
D.—The awards to Associate and
Senior Managers shall be mado or.
their return to University in the autumn following their appointment. In
the case of n manager being compelled
to retire before his term of office is
completed, his award shall be returned to the Alma Mater Society.
Physiological Engineer , {   an _d_
Specialising in upbuilding the Human  eacn "'"J"'   ,_    \ ««,»«» iw_«
Body 'hrough Scientific Physiological! visory capacity  to the Senior Man-
Exercise, Constructive Relaxation and ager in regard to policy.
RESPIRATION |   B._senior  Manager-(a)   He shall
1409 Beach Avenue Sey. 8253 ( have compiete control over all man
agers in his department, (b) He shall,
together with the Faculty Representative,   have  complete  control of  the
administration    in    his    department,
subject to the aporoval of Students*
Council in every particular,   (c)   He
shall   represent   his   department    of
sport  in  tho  Mends  Athletic Executive.   .(d) He shall be responsible to
Students 'Council in all matters pertaining to his department. These snail
be—i. Leagues, ii. Play-off series, iii.
Trips, iv. Finances, etc.    (e) He shall
travel with the first team and act as
business manager on all away trips,
hs   approved   by   Students'   Council.
(f) He, or one of the Associate Managers, ;>ppointcd by him, shall be one
Physics Club Holds
Meeting!
f
After the Party Meet Me at the
EMPIRE
CAFE and GRILL
The Most Up-to-Date Cafe in Vancouver
DINE and DANCE
No Cover Charge
Banquet Rooms and Free Meeting Rooms
160 Hastings Street W. Next Door to Prov. Building
I
I
J
Lord Kelvin's life and contributions
to science was the subject chosen by
four members of the Physics Club at
their last open meeting in Sc, 200 Wednesday afternoon.
The first speaker, Mr. Ivan Niven.
gave a biography of Lord Kelvin's
life, naming his most notable avhieve-
ment;; in the field of science.
"Lord Kelvin was for twenty years
the foremost physicist in the world. In
1892, when he was president of the
Royal Society, he was raised to the
peerage, and at his death in 1907 he
was! buried in Westminster Abbey
next, to Newton,"
Mr. Robt. Christie, the next speaker, took Lord Kelvin's work in Thyro-
dynamics as his topic. Mr. Christie
spoke of various theories in regard to
the sun which Lord Kelvin afterwards
disregarded in favour of the dynamic
theory of heat. Lord Kelvin's greatness in various branches of science
was pointed out.
Mr. Henry Clayton, the third lecturer, dwelt on Lord Kelvin's work
in the telegraphy, ancl the important
part he played in the successful laying
cf thc submarine cable between England and America.
Tlie last speaker, Mr. George Mossop, gave an account of Lord Kelvin's
contribution to navigation. His most
notable achievement in this branch of
science was his great improvement in
tho mariner's compass. He also invented a sounding machine to find the
depth of the ocean.
Mr. Mossop concluded his lecture
with an experiment to show Lord Kelvin's theory of the rotation of atoms.
"The intermediate trio will take your
eye, too, Mr .Fan. Imagine "Bush"
Thurber, "Bruiser' Bill Wolfe, ancl
the cherubic Costain clowning side
by side! It's a riot. But wait till
you cast your glance upon the five
forwards. Here they are In right-to-
left order; fleety "Grub" Smith,
crafty "Woosy" Stewart, cautious
"Cap" Kozoolin, inimitable "Ahchee"
MacDougall, and the didllng Dave
Todd.   What a line, what a line!
"I've only to mention 'Babs' Sutherland, the sub. supreme, and myself
to round off the sweetest aggregation
of Soccermen you ever saw out here."
various typewriters In the office. The
ears were nailed to the notice board.
Zoe Browne-Clayton, a member of
the staff is in custody at headquarters
as the missing foot of the slain journalist was found in her handbag as
she furtively made her way to a nine
o'clock lecture. Police officials, however, state that if Miss Browne-Clayton's story is borne out by enquiries
now being made she will shortly be
released.   She claims to have rescued
The U.B.C. fans keep quiet when
their ther iown men are taking foul
shots, why not when the men of the
other team are doing so? Referees
are human beings as well as arbiters.
That is another thought for rabid
critics who wish to tear them limb
from limb. Even though the referee
may make a bad call now and then,
that is no reason for booing every decision. In other words, the general
public is receiving a wrong impression of the sporting spirit of our uni-
INTER-CLASS  BASKETBALL
Arts '37 and Science '35 will be
the finalists in the Intcr-class
Basketball League. Science '35
won the Science Division by
downing Science '37 while the
Freshmen defeated Arts '35 to
win their division. Tlie winning
class will receive two points towards the Governor's Cup.
Every days brings   new,   amazing
it from a daschund who was playing versity because we tolerate such ac-
wlth it on the boulevard near the bus tions as those mentioned above, and
stand, and had intended to keep it as <*° nothing to check them . Trusting
a souvenir.   A strict watch Is being that a11 wno read this letter wiU not
kept on all known daschund owners | think that It is directed at them, I
in the city, as it is alleged that Editor remain,
Hacking once came Into collision with Yours truly,
this section  of the population  over E> J> Costain.
an editorial which demanded that all' -_________________—_——.—
daschunds wear roller skates admid-: be  released until he does so.    Mr.
ships in order to keep them from Wood's lieutenant, Professor Larsen,
wearing the hair off their stomachs
by dragging them on the sidewalk.
The Professors of the Department
of English are also under surveillance
as they have long been at loggerheads with the editor of the Ubyssey.
Professor F. G. C. Wood, leader of
this faction, was taken to headquarters, for questioning this morning,
and will be held as a material witness, as he was heard to say, so the
police aUege, that the death of the
editor was a good thing, as the Ubyssey would probably be different now,
and a change for the worse would
not be possible, The Professor refuses to explain this cryptic remark,
and Chief Cameron claims he will not
when questioned by Ubyssey reporters, revealed another opinion, as he
praised the deceased editor, saying
his work was fully equal to that of
Bernarr MacFadden.
Additional mystery is thrown over
the gruesome tragedy just as we go
to press, as the body has mysteriously disappeared while the attention of
the officers was diverted by a search
of Dean Bollert's office, initiated on
the theory that tnraged co-eds had
done the desperate deed, and were
being concealed by the Dean. Police
say, however, that the discovery of *i
button in the Kaf hash at noon leads
them to believe thit this phase of the
mystery will shortly be solved.
NOTICE
Applications for senior and associate
managers for Canadian Rugby wilt be
received by Archie Dick before Tuesday noon. State qualifications and experience.
NOTICE
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE
COMING EVENTS
Monday, Noon-
Rev. M. A. Talnicoff, on "Thc
Church and War." Arts 204.
Last V.C.U. Open Meeting.
Hotel Georgia
Sey. 5742
SMART
but not
TOO EXCLUSIVE
Teas Banquets
Class Parties
We Invite Your Patronage
E. W. Hudson, Mgr.
Some Tennis News
The New Rackets Are All In
"BANCROFT"
"DUNLOP"
"SPALDING"
The Qaulity is up and Prices are down
For $10,00 you can get a splendid racket strung with No. 1
Gut on our new Armour's stringing machine that makes
every string the same tension.
Other rackets from $2.95 to $16.00
1934 TENNIS BALLS are here, too.   SLAZENGER,
DUNLOP and PHILLIPS BALLS from 25c to 50c ea.
"TENNIS SHORTS" "TENNIS SOCKS"
"TENNIS EVERYTHING AT SPARLING'S"
Thc Latest at the Best Prices
George Sparling
Sporting Goods
929 Granville Street Trinity 6584
Vancouver, B.C.

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