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VOLUME SIXTEEN ISSUE EIGHT
21 JANUARY 2003
In this issue:
Science Week
£le©I^iiis Fraud
fefetubbies
"I have to say that, in a darkened room, a flaming toilet has a strange kind of beauty that can only be described as
'a strange kind of beauty/"
-Dave Barry
BC Government Considers
Legalizing Marijuana
Pot Smokers Respond Mellowly
(Vancouver, Reuters)
Protesters had a sit-in in Victoria yesterday when plans to not only
decriminalize but actually legalize
marijuana were announced by the BC government. Talks have been in the works for
several months now, but the recent leak
that it was going to go through has some
people fuming.
"This is illegal, immoral, and irresponsible," said one concerned individual. "They
don't have the legal right to do this to the
citizens of B.C.. I'm from Vancouver, and
this is going to destroy my neighbourhood.
Right now, I've got a nice, mellow relationship between myself and my tenants, but
we're in a low-income neighbourhood and
a lot of people on our block smoke. Currently, I pay $8 a gram. I can't afford $4 of
tax on top of that! Citations about every six
months already cost me $80/year. I sure as
hell can't afford $4 more a gram . . . $48 a
week ... 52 weeks . . . almost a thousand
bucks a year! Screw that! I'm not going to
be able to split a bowl with my renters anymore—it'll be too expensive. They'll probably get miffed and move out, and then
where'll I be? Expensive weed, no income
from renters—this new government initiative is going to ruin my life! Keep weed
illegal!"
Amidst the cries of, "don't fine, don't tax,"
placards crying, "The americans revolted
over tea—make my plants illegal," and
other seemingly senseless slogans, a few
people seemed to stand out. Through the
sea of tents, pipes, and hemp sweaters,
organizer and professional protester
Messy Deckhart waded, spewing quote
after quote.
"Yes, I believe people should have the
fundamental right to smoke. No, I don't
think that it should be made legal. Because
of taxes, and because we don't need any
more stop-smoking ads on TV."
He finally stopped talking to his hand,
and replied to our questions.
"Yes, I think that the cost to society would
be huge. The average person spends two
hours a day watching television; during
that time they see an average of five stop-
smoking ads. That's not counting the myriad patch, gum, and alternative method
ads. Now, assume that there are just as
many stop-smoking-weed ads; suddenly,
people have five ads a day. That's two and
a half minutes. There's three million people
in BC: That's over five and a half MILLION
work days used per year, in BC alone, just
because they went and made it legal? What
a waste of human resources!" He continued his ramble as he strolled along.
Students are especially affected by the
new legislation. The appearance of being a
rebel by smoking pot won't be as firm, and
many are expected to turn to new, harder
drugs to maintain their "hardcore" image.
This could potentially lead to social
acceptance of the harder drugs, resulting in them, too, being legalized.
"A few years down the road, the
potential tax revenues could really
turn our economy around." Gary
Collins, BC Finance Minister, projected. "Once we are able to tax the really
expensive drugs, our financial problems will be solved. There will be plenty of money for such things as paving
the premier's driveway and reopen-
ning hospitals. Of course, the hospitals
will probably fill up with overdoses,
but that's not my problem."
With even the remotest possibility of marijuana being both socially acceptable and
legal, the University administration has
already begun the long process of banning
it from campus.
"We envision the smoke disappearing
shortly after the alcohol and shortly before
the fun," an anonymous insider related.
"After that it will be pure emotionless
learning. Hooray!"
"Whoa, my hands are huge," stated
Martha Piper.
^W^r^^i
Gordon C^mpbellKicked
Out of Ra^fg^HP^nbn
•
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if
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UBC, Vancouver (AP)
Gordon Campbell, premier of British
Columbia, was apparently acard
^^garrying member of the tSJfo^al
BtfqS*°S«rrton until today when it was
announced that his membership would be
revoked.
"We never really liked him, but as long as
he was paying his dues, we figured what
the hell," stat{c£2!°i£S!]pokesperson Barney
Glotz in a brief moment of clarity. "I mean
it was an extra case of beer at the executive
meetings."
Party insiders state that Mr. Campbell's
recent arrest in Maui for drunk driving has
broken one of the slate's central tenents.
"We are all for a blood alcohol content of
0.149, but you're not supposed to drive. It
shows either great stupidity or an unwillingness to stay the course and drink until
you pass out and the bartender has to
throw you in a cab," continued Mr. Glotz.
"If he is going to do things like that he
becomes a liability not only to himself, but
also to his party and anyone else who is
dumb enough to associate with him. We
had to cut him loose. We waited for his
membership dues to arrive first, of
course."
The decision was apparently not an easy
one.
"The kegger ... I mean, meeting, lasted all
night and into the early hours of the morning. Man am I hosed," Ralph Klein, recov-
ring leader of the Albertan branch of the
[chorea by ams EiecHomfi, weighed in. vYou
know, people like this ruin it for the rest of
us alchoholic premiers. No wonder we
can't get any breaks."
When asked what this means for the
future of B.C. politics, Gordon Campbell
responded, "No, oshifer, I dident hab
anythig to drunk except watuh. The lines
on da road jus' kep' movim back and fo.'"
Government insiders have stated that
Gordon Campbell has come out strongly in
favour of increasing public transport, now
that he no longer has a valid driver's
license.
!{09nsoredbYANLCTfflg!5^  editor  of the 432
stated, "I know we're beating a dead horse
here, but I couldn't help it . . . the stupid
bastard got caught driving drunk." Page Two
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
21 January 2003
A Lovely Lack of Leadership
Volume Sixteen
Issue Eight
21 January 2003
Editor
Benjamin Warrington
the432@hotmail.com
Assistant Editor
Will Chao
Contributors
Anna-Marie Bueno
Kyrke Gaudreau
Gill Gunson
Miyako Hewett
Vanessa Kay
Jo Krack
Hedy Lam
Kevin Nottle
Annes Song
Reka Sztopa
Ben Tippert
Eric Tong
Sameer Wahid
Benjamin Warrington
Dan Yokom
Eggy Yuh
Chris Zappavigna
Printed by
College Printers, Vancouver, BC
Legal Information
The 432 is published fortnightly
from the pancreas of the (Colonel)
Klinck Building. All views expressed
in this issue are strictly those of the
individual writers, and as such are
not the responsibility of the 432,
The Science Undergraduate Society,
or the Faculty of Science. Writers
and cartoonists are encouraged to
submit their material to the 432.
Submissions must meet the requirements of making the editor chuckle
' at least thrice, and contain the
author's name and contact information.
We would like to encourage reader
feedback. Be it nasty, perverted, or
just plain mean, we still want to
hear it. Especially if it is perverted.
Contact us at: the432@hotmail.com
Remember views expressed are
those of the contributors. Don't like
it? Then contribute.
Kevin Nottle
Lost and Aimless
You just have to love the leaders we have to day, and the
great example they set for all us up and coming go getters,
who want to follow in their footsteps. With such great
examples as Bush's pacifism and diplomacy, Campbell's personal
sense of responsibility, and Chretien's development and support
of successors, you just know we can't go wrong.
I figure we could nominate Bush for a Nobel peace prize and
make it stick, the way things are going he's not going to fight
either the PRK or Iraq. There are so many countries being bullied
into stomping on Saddam that his own people will kick him out of
office before the first US soldier can step over the border. As for
the DPRK (aka North Korea), they'll just wait until the entire US
military might is farting around in the desert, and then nuke DC.
It should only take a few more months, by which time Rumsfeld
will have every single soldier, sailor, airman and marine in the
Gulf, too far away from Asia to retaliate when Kim Jom-il drops a
few nukes on Bush. The entire US chain of command will disappear, so no one can order the grunts anywhere, and the last superpower is gone.
So while it would be a posthumous award, we could still give
Dubyah a Nobel for preventing war with Iraq and the DPRK, so
long as we don't mind Alfred Nobel spinning in his grave for eternity.
Now we get to the greatest leader in Canada since General Jean
Boyle blamed his subordinates for things he was responsible for,
Jean Chretien. He's inspired absolutely amazing loyalty among his
caucus, and near idolation from his right hand man of almost 10
years, to the point that Martin takes every chance he can to stab his
boss in the back. He exemplifies the high ethical standards we
expect of politicians today, after all, he only gave his riding a few
million, unlike his cabinet ministers who've lost track of billions.
But his greatest accomplishment has to be turning the choosing of
the next PM into a Canadian version of the US primaries.
One of the greatest accomplishments of the process the US goes
through to choose their ultimate bosses, is that it lasts for at least
one year, and this time around the Democrats have started things
two years poll day. Chretien has actually managed to beat American's usual standards by initiating a one and a half year long race.
Now we can enjoy the Liberal party's top people chopping into
each other for the next 10 months. Celebrity death match will have
nothing on us.
You just have to love it when a countries leaders undermine each
other in a public arena.
While not about to plunge the world into nuclear winter by pure
stupidity, Gordon Campbell doesn't inspire like a good leader
should either.
After lambasting every NDP minister that got so much as a parking ticket, and proclaiming to the skies they should resign, now
that he is in line for a criminal conviction, drunk driving isn't such
a big deal. Our current Premier has consistently held elected officials in BC to very high standards. The slightest hint of impropriety was grounds for dismissal from cabinet or the governing party.
No mistake was too small to feel the blast of the leader of the official opposition. He even forced one of his own backbencher's to sit
as an independent after the bloke was investigated by the RCMP.
Now we find that once again, the greatest moralist is really the
biggest hypocrite. Campbell refuses to resign, claiming that what
happened in Hawaii was a purely personal matter, and had nothing to do with his job as Premier. I have to take exception with
that, drunk driving is a sign of poor judgment on a fairly basic
matter, personal survival. If the head of the Provincial government can't demonstrate he understands something so black and
white, how can we trust that he'll steer the proper course through
all the difficult matters this province faces?
For once it would be nice to have a political leader who actually
lives up to the standards he preaches.
Seriously people, this is scary, can't we get anyone good to lead
us before things go down the crapper for real?
Substitute Ranting
Miyako Hewett
A true student
Over the last two weeks I have watched Editor dig himself
deeper into his stress pit full or marking, research paper,
thesis work, homework, the 432. So, I have taken up the
task of writing a 432 token rant.
Seagulls: Too many seagulls. I was attacked by three of them last
week while attempting to make my way across campus with
pizza. The bad thing is, is that I can't do anything back
to them or I'll get lynched by those animal rights people.
These birds attack anything with food, including the
misshapen squirrel with the bagel chunk that got chased
and dive-bombed all the way down agriculture road.
B-lots: There isn't enough. UBC Parking and security
have been dumb enough to let cars park right at the
entrance of B6, albeit one parking stall, large enough to
let small cars in, trapping in any vans, pick-ups or larger than compact cars. Every morning is a mad rush to
get parking spaces. Where have all the parking lots
gone? Faculty and staff housing. Meanwhile the ratio of
available housing to students on campus has decreased
leading to the increase of rent off-campus. Slum landlords are providing shiftier accommodations and higher
rent.
Student loans: Not enough. By the time you've paid for
tuition and books, you're left with $500 to live on. Unfortunately, that's only enough for rent (if you're lucky).
Part-time job will feed you, provided that you don't eat
out. By the time you're finished studying and working,
there is no time left to relax and socialize. Also creates a
debt.
Part-time work. Necessary to feed yourself. Wearing
clothes is nice sometimes. Unfortunately during the
school year the part time job falls back to tutoring,
housecleaning, and retail. All for shitty pay. It is particularly frustrating when you have previously worked at
better places for better pay such as in labs, government
jobs, and research positions.
The 432: Not enough articles and help. If you would
like to get involved and learn writing and publishing
skills, here is your opportunity. I find that even in fourth
year, people still can't write worth shit. The majority of
people can't format things to look nice, or even have an
inkling on how to graphic design. Here's a tip for you: employers
like to see writing experience and are even more pleased when
they see the publishing experience. Even lab supervisors. These
things are important.
Extracurricular activities: Need to do more. I can't stress enough
the importance of doing anything else aside from studying, and
cooking and cleaning your place. Not only do such activities such
as music, sports, and clubs better round you but they maintain
your sanity and keep you motivated.
Sanity: Lacking. See above sections on extracurricular activities,
student loans, and part time jobs. If you can not identify with all
the above sections, consider yourself lucky. Real lucky.
SUS & BIOSOC Presents.
SCIENCE WEEK BZZR
GARDEN
(
,i      Dale:
Ihtmdav, Januar\ 31)
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4-7 pm
\ ■         Location:
Bio!. Sri. Bldg. 2449
■         Com:
{include-, KREE MlGj
member's        S3
roxi-membcnS?
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special mix    M
<^^__
Questions'/
biosoc@shaw.ca 21 January 2003
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Three
Jo Krack
Worships the Kitty
Now that I've been in Japan for four
whole months, I'm amazed at all
the stuff 1 never knew I never
knew! I'd hate for my loyal readers to
remain as ignorant as I once was, so I've
decided to use this issue's column to bring
you all up to speed. You can thank me
later, really.
1. Dessert is made of rice and beans. And
all this time I thought those were dinner
foods! Oh, how wrong I was! Rice can be
pounded into a sticky paste (known as
"mochi"), and then sweetened. Red and
black beans can be made into paste and
then added to bread, mochi, ice cream, or
what-have-you. I wonder what they'll
think of next! I suppose it isn't that strange
to turn dinner staples into desserts—after
all, if healthy European staple foods (potatoes) can be turned into junk food (want
fries with that?), then I suppose making
meat ice cream is just around the corner.
Mmmmm!
2. Corn belongs on pizza. I really have no
idea how Pizza Hut missed the ball on this
one. Corn is actually quite tasty on pizza—
I'm definitely sold on that topping. Could
someone over there in Vancouver please
Japanese Primer
call up Pizza Hut and see if you can get
corn added to the menu? They may hang
up on you the first few times, but eventually they'll realize the growing demand for
non-traditional pizza-veggies. Mayonnaise, on the other hand ... oh, please
don't go demanding mayonnaise, unless
you're Quebecois. It really overpowers
everything else on the pizza, and can make
it soggy to boot. Thumbs down on mayonnaise pizza. I have no idea where the
Japanese came up with that idea.
3. Hello Kitty is God. Well, more specifically, Sanrio (Japanese company that owns
Hello Kitty, along with much of the cute
stuff in Japan) is God, and Hello Kitty is
the device through which Sanrio communicates to the masses. Wait, does that make
Hello Kitty Jesus? I'm not going to get into
that. Anyway, Hello Kitty reigns supreme
here. Always has, always will. Since the
1970s, the mouthless feline has gained a
cult-like following of the cute-fetishists of
Japan. I've even heard tales of people who
have decorated their entire homes a la
Hello Kitty. Which is really not that hard to
do, given the sheer scope of Hello Kitty
products out there. Just the other day; I
found a pink Hello Kitty toaster in a second hand shop. And of course, I'm sure
many of you have heard of the infamous
Hello Kitty vibrator (I've seen pictures of it
but haven't felt the urge to go tracking
down the real things . . . I'm kinky, but not
that kinky!). So now you know: don't mess
with Hello Kitty.
4. Only Japanese people live in Japan.
Now, I'm pretty sure I'm not Japanese, and
I've seen some others over here who definitely weren't either. But for some reason,
the locals seem to think that we non-Japanese are some sort of optical illusion or
something. I'm sure the reason they stare
at me wherever I go is that they're sure that
at any moment, I might pull off my mask
and reveal my true Japanese face — and
they definitely don't want to miss it! I can
see no other logical explanation. After all,
English movies starring real-live non-
Japanese people are popular over here, and
sometimes non-Japanese people appear on
TV or in the papers or yes, even out there
on the street. So they can't be staring
because they've never seen a non-Japanese
person before. Whatever the reason, I've
found myself starting to do it too: whenever I see a non-Japanese face, I find myself
staring, trying to figure out where on earth
that strange-looking person came from. I'm
beginning to have trouble with mirrors,
too, which is a real problem. So if, this September, you see a distinctly non-Japanese
girl staring at you, it's probably just me,
adjusting once more to the multicultural
city that is Vancouver.
5. There is no such thing as noise pollution. Before, I used to think that neigh
bours who decided to rev their motorcycles over and over again at 3 AM were
inconsiderate. Now I understand that
man-made noise is as natural as the sound
of rain. My education in this area began
with a blaring siren at 8 AM one morning.
No, no, it wasn't an ambulance. It was a
small truck that was slowly driving
through residential areas, blaring an
advertisement for something. I heard a
loud siren (think air horn), then a loud jingle (eerily enough, sung in a child's voice),
and then a loud announcement of why I
should buy a particular brand of tofu. This
message was then repeated, over and over
and over and over ... So of course I felt
that my personal space had been invaded,
considering that the truck's message was
about ten times louder than the ice cream
truck music I'm used to at home. But when
I talked to my Japanese friends about it,
they didn't seem to understand why I had
a problem with being woken up at 8 AM
by a tofu jingle. So I must conclude that
noise is not considered invasive, even if its
volume is loud enough to penetrate concrete walls.
I seem to be running out of room, so I'll
save the rest of my discoveries for the next
issue. Until then, feel free to email me at
gimmekrack@hotmail.com with your opinions on bean desserts, corn on pizza, Hello
Kitty, or whatever else strikes your fancy!
Technology is Overrated
A
Eggy Yuh
" "'       Going Straight to Hell
Let me be the first to say that I'm technologically challenged. Yes, I can use
Microsoft Office and abuse email as
well as anyone else. But as far as the icq,
messenger and music downloading rage
that seems to have become ubiquitous over
the past couple of years...not so much. It's
not that I wouldn't like to become a part of
the uber-wired world and (a) meet people
halfway across the world who say that
they are something that they're probably
not - i.e., young, and not a pedophile, (b)
"talk" to people that I see on a daily or
near-daily basis, or (c) get stuff for free,
because free stuff is good. It's not that at all.
Most of it has to do with the fact that I am
easily distracted, and would likely spend
all of my time on the internet, talking about
random things with random people and
therefore spend even more time procrastinating than I already do. But mostly it has
to do with the fact that I still connect to the
internet through a modem, and a slow one
at that.
So, you'll have to forgive me if it seems
like I'm behind the technological times.
Since when does everyone have a palm
pilot/PDA? (What the hell does PDA stand
for anyway? Progressive demonic agitation? Penitent distributive analysis?) Aside
from the fact that it's infinitely difficult to
write anything normal on a PDA - what's
with the crazy hieroglyphics? - I'd be
scared to lose the bloody thing. My day
planner is on four sheets of paper, one for
each month from now until the end of
term. I don't lose it because it's cheap; if I
had a PDA, I would lose it within a week
(some sort of inverse relationship between
an object's monetary worth and the likelihood that I will lose it). And consider what
would happen if you lost your PDA: the
person who found it would have access to
your entire phone book (and thus your circle of friends and not-friends), and your
scheduled activities for however long that
information is stored. Fallen into the
wrong hands, this could be disastrous.
For all you know, it's all part of an alien
plot (clearly, the aliens already live among
us or are controlling us, as seen by the
intervention of the Raelians) to slowly
replace us all. Conveniently plant these
palm held devices in a population of technology-obsessed creatures, and then trick
them into becoming entirely dependent on
them. Then, when the time is right, remove
the person, replace them with a clone, and
upload the information into the clone. In
theory, the clone has all of the short-term
memory of the person that they replaced,
and no one would be any wiser.
Then there's the whole issue of messaging,
et cetera. While it's somewhat silly to be
messaging someone that you see fairly
often (why not just use the phone? Is the
multi-tasking aspect of communication
really that necessary?), it's another issue to
be meeting people on the internet. Internet
relationships are unlikely to be successful;
aside from that, they're creepy. What kind
of person resorts to meeting people
through electronic media rather than actually talking to them face to face? A friend of
mine (let's call him Bruce) meets girls
exclusively through the internet, presumably because he doesn't have the courage
or means to meet them otherwise. He
seems like an otherwise normal person:
he's capable of carrying on a decent conversation, and while he's not anything
spectacular to look at, he's not foul either.
And yet he meets all of these girls on the
internet, who are, in turn, willing to meet
him in person. Don't these people watch
Dateline or Oprah?
And the girls that he meets (or at least, the
ones that are acceptable enough for him to
bring out into public) are generally nice,
but somehow slightly pathetic. Or are they
slightly  pathetic  because  I  know  that
they've met my friend over the internet?
Not sure. In any case, they seem delighted
with Bruce, presumably because he isn't a
creepy old pedophile. Are internet dating
standards lower than those of the face-to-
face world? Bruce would never get noticed
in a bar, club, or even Starbucks. He just
doesn't stand out much, and he doesn't do
much to change it. But in the land of internet dating, he's almost studly. Big emphasis on almost.
An optimist would say that the internet
allows someone to express his or her personality before appearance colours anything. In theory, when you meet the person
whom you've gotten to know so well, the
way they look should be trivial, because
you've already fallen for their brilliant
sense of humour and acute knack for
quirky observations. Or maybe for their
mastery of aromatherapy and its applications to quantum mechanics. Whatever. Or
maybe it's just that the people who are
searching for love on the internet are
expecting the absolute worst (I quote
another friend: "if she's looking for someone on the internet, she must be a dog,"
and I presume it goes the other way.) and
so when you get something that's sub-par,
it seems like heaven.
Dammit, I'm so going to hell. Page Four
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
21 January 2003
Polka Dots on the Door
Gill Gunson
Turned out TV
Last month at my birthday party a
friend taped a 25-cent coin to my
birthdaycard and wrote, "Welcome
to the quarter-century club". Crap. When
did 1 become an adult?
But having reached such a milestone in
mv life, I have been looking back upon my
vears, pondering what has made me, uh,
whatever it is I am today. Strangely, the
first five years seem to have had a great
effect, despite the twenty I spent after them
recovering.
Of course, my life was pretty limited in
those days. Highlights include the one joke
we would tell in the bathroom in preschool
("Knock knock," "Who's there?" "Mickey
Mouse's underwear!" somehow never
stops being funny when you're 4), and getting a bald spot from handing another girl
some scissors and saying, "now we can
play 'haircut' for real!"
My home life, however, was far less entertaining. This was before I could read, and I
was an only child. So my off-hours were
spent in front of the TV. I seem to remember the shows more vividly than anything
I actually did myself, sadly.
Here, then, are some of the "educational"
shows that sucked the first five years of my
life away from me. Strange how they all
have the human-puppet interaction going
Today's Special: 1981-87
TV Ontario is responsible for this one, set
during the night hours of a department
store. I'm not surprised that a government-
supported media network would budget a
show that encouraged consumerism at an
early age.
Anyways, the show starred a mannequin
named Jeff who comes to life thanks to a
magic hat that surprisingly matches the
rest of his outfit. Other characters include a
window dresser (a chick with the sort of
afro you wish you had at Discotronic); two
puppets playing the security guard and in-
store mouse; and the store computer. No
offense to those of the shorter persuasion,
but even back then I figured that an elderly man less than 4 feet tall was hardly an
effective night watchman. And the mouse
only spoke in rhymes; even I find that difficult at times.
The computer was quite an advancement
in the field of artificial intelligence, having
both a personality and emotions. This
would only prove to confuse, me later in
life when my father brought home his first
IBM. My greetings of "hello computer"
typed into the command prompt only
received responses about syntax error.
Sesame Street: 1969 'til hell freezes over
Various humans and Muppets living and
interacting on some street with studio
lighting and no traffic. I remember finding
it rather boring a good portion of the time,
if only because The Muppet Show (1976-
80) was so much better. And it was odd
that Kermit the Frog never mentions The
Muppet Show during Sesame Street, or
vice-versa. Reporter by day, variety show
host by night. No wonder Miss Piggy was
jealous.
And the whole existence of Mr. Snuff leu-
pagus was quite distressing. Prior to 1985,
only Big Bird ever saw him and everyone
else on the Street believed him to be an
imaginary friend. Now, I can understand
that the idea of a woolly mammoth entering and leaving the neighbourhood unseen
might seem a bit implausible; but the fact
that it's coming from an 8-foot-tall talking
bird should've then warranted it some con
sideration. In any case, I ended up being
mad at Mr. Snuffleupagus for always running away before anyone other than Big
Bird showed up (he should've known how
BB was looking the fool), and mad at the
neighbourhood people for not believing
BB in the first place. I mean, who keeps an
imaginary friend for 14 years? Unless they
have psychological problems and later win
the Nobel Prize and have a movie made of
their life. However, that's hardly Bible belt
approved subject matter for a children's
show.
Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood: 1967-2001
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood,"
sings Mr. Rogers as he enters his house,
changing his shoes for slippers and his coat
for a cardigan. I never could understand
this clothing swap of his. Aren't you supposed to wear less clothing at home than
outside? My mother told me at the time
that he was from a generation that didn't
often have central heating, but I still
thought it was weird.
At some point in the show the enigmatic
Trolley would show up and we'd follow it
to the "Neighborhood of Make-Believe"
where hand-puppets and humans would
interact as if there was nothing strange
about there being a good portion of the
population larger than any of its buildings.
As if that wasn't trippy enough, there's a
puppet named Henrietta Pussycat with the
sort of speech impediment that obscures
meaning: "Meow meow meow kill, meow
meow your meow, meow parents meow."
I actually ended up meeting the man who
played Officer Clemens when his gospel
group came to UBC to sing with the Choral
Union. Not surprisingly, a lot of us remembered him.
Polka Dot Door: 1971-?
I don't even remember, really, what this
show was about. There would always be
two adults, and four stuffed toys named
Humpty (egg with appendages), Dumpty
(same), Marigold (girl-doll) and Bear (what
a stupid name). And there was the Door.
Whenever we were to be subjected to some
educational segment the camera would
zoom in on one of the big dots on the Door,
which would then open and we'd go
"through" the dot. As the door had a handle (at least, I think it did), I never could
see why we couldn't just use it like normal
people.
The highlight of the show was when
Polkaroo, a species- and gender-ambiguous creature, would show up in the backyard (why it didn't come through the Door,
nobody knows). I don't think it could say
anything besides its own name, but the
humans could understand it anyways.
Obviously Polkaroo wielded some sort of
mind-control ability for this to happen,
and to" not yet be locked up in some sort of
institution. Mind you, Luke Skywalker and
C3PO could understand R2D2 . ..
1 did discover, while researching this article (ha), that in 1996 a new show called
"Polkaroo and Friends" or some such nonsense started airing, and Polkaroo can now
talk. With a man's voice. Well, they had to
pick one.
You know, after thinking about these programs I used to watch, I really wonder
why nowadays we make fun of shows like
Teletubbies and Barney & Friends. Nothing seems to have changed; we still have
the characters with uncertain sexual orientation, gigantic puppets looking like they
stepped out of a Tide commercial, and
strange journeys through illogical portals
(whether they be too-small door flaps or
TV screens surgically implanted into
abdomens). Face it: the toddlers of today
are watching the same things we did. And
they're going to turn out exactly like us.
Now, does that make you feel any better?
Health Care Is Taking a new Direction
Consider a career in Alternative and
Complementary Therapies!
CAREER FAIR
Wednesday, January 29th 2003
9am-3:30pm
UBC Student Union Building PartyRoom
Educational Institutions offering the following
Opportunities: Acupuncture, Massage, Chiropractic,
Naturopathy, Traditional Chinese Medicine,
Aromatherapy, Energy Healing,
Herbal Medicine
For Information, Please call
604 822 7604
Email: info(a>,aims.ubc.ca
Website: www.aims.ubc.ca
Meed information about pursuing
Life Science Careers?
8th Annual BPP
Health Conference
Gain valuable knowledge from experts in
their field about entering...
Research Industries
Academic Research
Medicine
- ■ ■ Dentistry
Life Science Programs and More
All BPP members are invited to attend free
of charge. Guests who are not members
-are also, welcome to participate for only $5.
January 22nd at 5:30pm in Wood 4
Biochemistry, Physiology,
Pharmacology Club
Website:     www.bppciub.com
E - MAIL: bpp_ubc@yahoo.com Science Week is a celebration of Science here at UBC.
From January 27th - 31st, science related events take
place all over campus.  Hope to see you there!
All week, in the main floor
of the SUB, various
Science Clubs show off
their skills. Even in you
aren't in Science, there's
something fun for
everyone. Drop by to see
some crazy chemistry,
phunny physics, or
bodacious biology!
A proud science tradition,
this year's Science Week
brings the 2nd annual
SUS Jello Wrestling
Competition to the SUB
on Wednesday. This
event is self-explanatory!
Last year, even the
referee got to swim in the
bluegoop!
.fs**^
Also, the 3rd annual
Science Olympics
returns this year. Unlike
the real Olympics, no
athletic prowess is
required! Events include
Trike Races, the "Electron
Transport Chain", and
more! Sign up form is
on the back of this insert.
1
The annual SUS concert,
Cold Fusion, is the grand
finale to Science Week.
This year, on Friday @
6:30 in the SUB, come
see Wide Mouth Mason,
with guests Stabilo Boss.
Tickets are $10, sold in
the SUB all week. Sorry,
no minors allowed. Science
General Info
SCIENCE WEEK CHARITY
This year the Science Undergraduate Society has proudly
chosen the David Suzuki Foundation (DSF) as the Science
Week Charity. Donation boxes as well as a raffle draw will
be set-up with all proceeds going to DSF.
Since 1990, the David Suzuki Foundation has worked to
find ways for society to live in balance with the natural world
that sustains us. Focusing on four program areas - oceans
and sustainable fishing, forests and wild lands, climate
change and clean energy, and the web of life, the Foundation
uses science and education to promote solutions that help
conserve nature. Check out www.davidsuzuki.org for more
information.
SMURFING STATIONS
Watch out for Smurfing Info Stations all over campus, handing out information about all our events and generally
spreading the Science love! Paint your face with Science
Blue!!   Show your spirit!!!
CLUB BOOTHS
All of our clubs will have a booth in the SUB all week, so
come check out the cool things they do, funky displays, awesome demonstations, fun games, and get info about upcoming events. You can furthermore network with students who
have the same interests. There will also be a SUS Sales
Booth which will be selling great SUS merchandise, Cold
Fusion Tickets, and tickets to our raffle draw with 1 Grand
Prize of a Princton Review MCAT Hyperlearning Course and
1 Grand Prize of any available Kaplan Course including
MCAT, GRE, DAT, LSAT, and more.
SCIENCE WEEK EVENTS
www.ams.ubc.ca/sus
27-31 JANl
Monday
Editor: Benjamin Warrington
Cover: Sameer Wahid
Content: Dan Yokom
MONDAY, JANUARY 27
Keynote Lecture (Norm Theatre. 12:30-2pm) - Dr. Goef-
frey Scudder from the department of Zoology speaks about
the nature and importance of biodiversity with discussion
on the past, present and future threats. Current conservation planning for the South Okanogan will be used as an
example. This will be precluded by a talk by Bill Wareham
from the David Suzuki Foundation, "Careers in conservation science: working in the non-profit sector in BC"
Dr. Scudder is a Professor Emeritus at the University of
British Columbia, having served as Head of the Department
of Zoology (1976-1991) and Interim Director of the Centre
for Biodiversity Research (1993-1995). He is a zoologist, with
special interest and experience in entomology, biosystemat-
ics, biogeography, biodiversity, conservation biology and
evolution. He is a world expert in the systematics of seed
bugs. He has published over 250 scientific papers, and has
edited two books. He was involved in the formulation of the
Canadian Biodiversity Strategy, serves on the Biological
Survey of Canada, and was an rigorous proponent of
improvements to the recently passed federal Species at Risk
Act. He is active in biodiversity conservation planing in the
South Okanagan. He currently serves on the Board of Directors of the Nature Trust of British Columbia, and advisory
committees of Environment Canada, the Entomological
Society of Canada, and the BC Ministry of Water, Land and
Air Protection. He is a fellow of the Royal Society of Canada,
and a member of the Order of Canada, and is still actively
involved in research and public education.
Professor Talent Show (Norm Theatre. 5:30-6:30pm) -
Come see some of your Science Professors perform or display their unique talents outside of the classrooms. Ever
wanted an opportunity to just chat with your professor?
This event will give you the opportunity to discuss topics
other than school!! This will be an awesome evening of
entertainment, no doubt.
Movie Night fNorm Theatre. 7-8:30pm) - "Weird Science"
Hosted by the Intergrated Science Students Association, this
is an 80's cult classic, starring Bill Paxton, Robert Downey
Jr., Kelly LeBrock and Anthony Michael Hall, "Weird Science
combines two great traditions in popular entertainment:
Inflamed male teenage fantasies and Frankenstein's monster. Then it crosses them with a new myth, that of the
teenage computer geniuses who lock themselves in their
bedrooms, hunch over their computer keyboards and write
programs that can change the universe." (Ebert. 1985}
FREE to everyone including free pop and popcorn. Come
relax and watch a great movie. teek 2003
UARY 2003
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday    Friday
TUESDAY, JANUARY 28       WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 29     THURSDAY, JANUARY 30
Open House (SUS Lounge.
LSK   202.    9am-12pm)   -
Come relax, watch a movie,
hang out and meet some cool
people in your SUS Lounge.
Enjoy donuts and coffee.
Bevond First Year (SUB
Ballroom.    12- 1:30pm)    -
Hosted by the Faculty of Science this event is designed to
enlighten first year students
about all their opportunities
after their first year of Science at UBC. Each department will be represented, so
this will be a great opportunity to get all your questions
answered as well as network
with people in your fields of
interest.
Chemistry Magic Show
(Chem B150. l-2pm) -
Hosted by the Undergraduate Chemistry Society,
come watch undergraduate
Scientists perform unbelievable feats of chemistry
before your very own eyes.
Pancake Breakfast (Geo
Building Basement. 9-
11am) - Hosted by the
Geography Students Association, come out and
enjoy a cheap pancake
breakfast.
Chemistry Magic Show
(Chem    B150.    l-2pm)    -
Hosted by the Undergraduate Chemistry Society, come
watch undergraduate Scientists perform unbelievable
feats of chemistry before
your very own eyes.
JELLO   WRESTLING   (SUB
Ballroom.   12-lpm) - SUS'   AIMS Lecture  (Norm The-
2nd    annual    risque    event
matches up your AMS Exec,
Board   of   Governor   Reps,
Student Senators, Constituency Exec, and Jr. Res
Association   Presidents   in
600L of Science Blue JELLO
in a battle of wits, balance
and strength.
Beyond the B.Sc. (Wood 1.
5-6:30pm) - Hosted by the
Faculty of Science this
event is designed for grad-
atre. 12:30-1:30pm) - Hosted by the Alternative and
Integrative Medical Society, Christina Awram
speaks in the Outrageous
Happiness Series, "Lighten
Up and Live It Up."
Life Sciences Career Fair
(SUB   Ballroom.   5-8pm)   -
Hosted by the faculties of
Science and Ajftlcultural Sciences, this jplm opportunity
for life sojlnce students to
uating students to atfcend™~tearri aboxft work experience
workshops about what life and network with potential
is like after they obtain employers. Science Stn-
their Bachelor of Science.      dents can get  tickets from
the Dean of Science Office.
Cheese Making fWesb 238.
4pm) - Hosted by the Microbiology and Immunolotjy
Student Association, learn
how to make cheese with Dr.
Smit. Generally a huge void
in the lives of most people.
Bzzr Garden (BioSci 2449.
4-7pm) - Hosted by the Biology Society, come drink, and
relax, why not, it's a Thursday.
FRIDAY, JANUARY 31
Science Olympics (SUB
South   Plaza.    12-lpm)   -
Teams of 6-8 people compete
in fun games to win great
prizes. These games include
"Spin State" (mini-trik
races), "Electron-Transport
Chain", and more. Teams
with Professors, and TA's are
encouraged, and teams from
other faculties we would particularly enjoy beating. Look
for registration sheets on the
back of this page and in the
SUS Lounge, LSK 202.
Barbeque (SUB South
Plaza. 11-lpm) - Hosted by
the SUS First Year Committee, come enjoy cheap yet
tasty eats and beverages,
and even tastier company.
COLD FUSION - (SUB Ballroom. 6:30-1 lpm) - Featuring Wide Mouth Mason, and
Stabilo Boss. If you missed
WMM at last year's Main
Event Carnival, they are not
to be missed again. The
Ballroom will provide the
perfect atmosphere for a
rookii ig concert. Furthermore. Cold Fusion has a his-
inry of hosting big name
bands, before they were big
names, including Our Lady
Peace, and Nickelback. This
year should be no exception
as Stabilo Boss comes to
open. These guys are amazing and should definitely be
checked out. Cold Fusion
2003 is going to be an awesome concert, with tickets
selling at only $10 at Sub-
cetera, SUS Lounge, LSK
202, or at the Science Week
Sales Booth in the SUB.
Everyone must be able to
produce identification at the
door, sorry. Science Week Sponsors
Official Sponsors
KAPLAN
1-800-KAP-TEST
kaptest.com
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THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Five
AMS
Access
Sameer W. & Dan Y.
AMS Correspondents
The January 15th AMS meeting was
short compared to the marathon session at the end of last term, but many
important issues were discussed last meeting. Here's a recap:
Tuition Report and Consultation
UBC Vice-President Students, Brian Sullivan, gave a presentation reviewing last
year's tuition increase, and spoke briefly
about the proposed increases for next year.
Key spending areas from last year's tuition
increase included salary settlements for
faculty, funds to sustain the current learning environment, and a 15% increase to
student financial aid. While the number of
bursaries given out this year has not risen
much this year, the average amount has
increased by almost $1000. On the academic side, the university has been able to
keep the student-faculty ratio and average
section size at the same levels as last year,
which is an achievement considering the
constant increase in these numbers in
recent years. Next year's planned tuition
increase is earmarked to continue salary
settlements (which have accumulated due
to the tuition freeze), attempt to decrease
the student-faculty ratio and average section size, and provide $5 million for "new
student and learning support allocations".
The tuition proposal is supposed to be
voted on in the January Board of Governors meeting, but may be postponed to
February due to the lack of student consultation until now.
U-PASS!
Well, you've all heard the rumours of a
University Bus Pass, which are-true! The
AMS has been working on a deal with
Translink for the past few months, and is
now bringing the question before students
in a referendum. The current deal is a
eight month bus pass (Sept. - Apr.), which
would cost $20 per student, and $15 for
students in UBC Housing. The pass would
be valid for all transit use within the
GVRD, with the exception of the West
Coast Express (which would be at a discounted rate). The deal ensures that no
fare increases would occur in the first two
years of the plan, and also provides for
increased bus service along major routes to
meet the higher demand. Furthermore,
students would have access to better end-
of-trip facilities for those who choose alternative transport (bike, rollerblade, etc.).
While this deal brings a $63 bus pass down
to $20, the downside is that the pass would
be mandatory for all students (except those
in co-op outside the GVRD, or those on
exchange at another university). The referendum is scheduled to occur on Feb. 10th -
14th, so stay tuned for more info, or surf to
http://www.ams.ubc.ca/upass/index.html.
AMS Elections
The AMS Elections are happening right
now!!! This year marks a first in AMS Elections - Online Voting! The AMS is pushing
for a higher voter turnout, and the best
way to help is to VOTE! Positions on the
ballot are the AMS Executive, Board of
Governors, Senate (at-large), Student Legal
Fund Society, and Ubyssey Publications
Socieyt. So, when after reading the paper,
go VOTE online at
http://www.ams.ubc.ca/elections.
SJiowmat^liip
eric ton^ 2002
$0£DO Ve&SL>S CU/OT EftSTuJOOD
-&AJ
the honourable premier
the gullible public
(tv camera)   boo hoo!
Deux ex Ma china
house burnt down
dead horse
(note how
itis NOT
being
whipped.,,)
I'm NOT DONE YET!
Beautiful
British Columbia
I minted red!
Dynamite Holes!
Dear Gullible Ignorant fuckers!
If you don't nail the asshole to the
wall now, you will deserve to
have a government drunk at the
wheel. IT'S NOT RAINING!
THAT'S PISS ON YOUR SHOES!
STOP BUYING THIS BULLSHIT!
goodbye!
bn Page Six
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
21 January 2003
A Trilogy in 1 Part   Harlequeen (Part V)
The Adventures of Fluffer, a
Cat, and Sparknuts, a Dog.
Vanessa Kay
Kyrke Gaudreau
Fluffer Nuts?
Flutter: Well if it isn't my good friend
Sparknuts the dog. Tell me Sparky, how are
vou doing here at UBC?
Sparknuts: Actually, dear Fluffy, I'm
enjoying my science education with great
gusto. In fact, just today, I learned that
Water is a liquid, and if you jump out of a
building, you fall down. What about you?
Are you enjoying bastardizing people?
Fluffer: In fact, I truly am. Commerce is
such a great Faculty to be in, for that very
reason. I mean, how can someone in commerce accuse me of being evil when they
are surely far more evil than 1 am. Moreover, I am simply a cat, and therefore it is
in my very essence to be evil.
Sparknuts: I guess you have a point there.
I mean, when you shit on some poor kid,
chances are he'll die, and I mean, how can
you be blamed for something that is in
your very nature?
Fluffer: Exactly my point dear Sparky.
Whereas you, on the other hand, will get
put down the first time you bite a poor little boy. But I guess that's the major difference between Commerce and Science anyways. You get blamed for many of the
things we profit from. It is for this very reason that I pity you outrageously.
Sparknuts: Please don't worry about pitying me. I firmly believe that there is a higher power that we all answer to, be it God of
Nature, and I know that at the end of the
day, my wife doesn't hate me. And such is
why you are only hurting yourself. Try to
remember that we scientists are man's best
friend.
Fluffer: You? Man's best friend. You're
nothing but a stupid mutt who licks his
own balls and pees on everything in sight.
Sparknuts: Lick my own balls? I've seen
more cats doing it than anyone else. You're
just a stupid pussy who tries to act tough
but just runs away and jumps out of a helicopter at the first sign of trouble. Your own
mother disowned you, because you tried
to sell her. Every time you take a shit,
you're really spawning.
Fluffer: You fucken rabic dog. You wouldn't have a job if it weren't for me. You call
me evil, but no one puts the gun to your
head and forces you to'make a bomb. You
do it out of your own volition and call it
science. I call it genocide.
Suddenly, Lance the Squirrel pops out of the
tree right next to where Sparknuts and Fluffer
are discussing.
Lance: Hey you two assholes. Why don't,
you shut the fuck up: I'm trying to merge
with this tree.
Sparknuts: Fucken AgSci students,
they're all just a bunch of fucken morons
who sit in trees and chitter on about nuts.
God I hate them.
Fluffer: True that. And talk about rabies,
they spread it more than anyone else.
Sparknuts: Anyways, I have to go take a
piss, and that fire hydrant over there looks
pretty promising. It was nice to talk to you
dear Fluffers.
Fluffer: You too dear Sparky, always a
pleasure. I hope to run into you another
day.
1 apologize profusely for this, but it made me
chuckle, so I felt obligated to print it.
-ed.
Royalty, Really
AWCEP
Presents:
Bent Roads Tavern
and
Thru Glass
Saturday, January 25th   7:00pm
The Gallery @ UBC SUB
Tickets : $5
An evening in support of Afghani Women and Children's
Education
All proceeds go to UNICEF
Tickets at the door or e-mail: awcep@yahoo.com
Sarah opened her door a crack and
peered down the cluttered Vanier
hallway. The coast was clear! She
grabbed her umbrella and hurried towards
the stairs.
Much to Sarah's dismay, her roommate
Molly was bouncing up the stairs towards
her, clinging to the arm of the new
boyfriend destiny had delivered at the previous weekend's kegger.
"Morning, Sare-bear!", Molly squeaked
enthusiastically. "Wanna come shopping
with me downtown? My student loan just
came in and I totally need some new silver
shoes for the Christmas formal!"
Tempted as she was by the prospect,
Sarah held fast to her purpose. "I can't",
she replied firmly, "I've gotta go."
"What's wrong?" shrieked Molly. "Just
skip your class! C'mon!"
"I can't," Sarah sighed. "It's not a class, it's
a ...doctor's appointment. Sorry, but I'm
already late. Gotta go!"
She flew by Molly and sped furtively
away to her secret solace: the Poetry Society.
It was unlike her to lead a double life.
Lying to her floormates and drinking buddies caused acute shame to burn in her
honest heart. But there was simply no
other way. For the sake of her faculty's
pride, no-one must know that she, an
upstanding Chemistry student, had resorted to writing melodramatic, inexact poetry.
Most importantly of all, no-one must suspect her foolish and doomed passion for a
man who clearly cared nothing for her.
Poetry was her only comfort, the only outlet for her tortured feelings. Ever since she
had set eyes on beautiful, brooding Mike,
her soul had burned with an intensity
impossible to release elsewhere.
Her first stop was a dingy Buchanan
Building basement bathroom where she
would encounter nobody from her regular
life. She removed a black turtleneck from
her backpack and switched clothes. Like
Superman before the invention of the cell
phone, she efficiently transformed into her
alter ego then emerged from the stall,
smudging black eye shadow over
sparkling rosy lids.
She made her way to the meeting, grateful
for the shelter and anonymity afforded by
a mangled UBC umbrella. Today in particular, her heart was aflutter and she reeled
with self-consciousness: the theme of
today's poetry reading was "Postmodern
Love" and she was about to share a very
heartfelt piece.
By the time it was her turn to stand and
recite, Sarah's nervousness had become
overwhelming. She knew the poem like
she knew her own emptiness, but keeping
her eyes glued to the paper helped her forget the room full of Arts students watching
her. Breathing deeply in a futile attempt to
gain composure, Sarah struggled to her
feet and began to recite in a shaky voice:
7 ride my bike and dream of Mike
Mysterious, forceful in the night,
A cowboy molecule's brave trajectory
Leaving me, a volatile element.
Leaving me:
(a) void
Leaving me his broken toy.
She collapsed in her seat, still shaking
from the emotion of this confession. It was
true. She loved Mike and her life was not
worth living without his sweet company.
But she also knew beyond, a doubt that
they could never be together. His gruff
behavior in class Monday morning, his
devil-may-care attitude towards missed
midterms, his casual disappearance the
night of their coffee date: these were all
unmistakable signs that he was a dark and
dangerous genius, far too worldly for a
simple girl like her. She sighed woefully, a
crystal tear escaping her brimming eyes.
So grief-stricken was she that she scarcely
noticed the enthusiastic clapping that followed her reading, nor the next poet
beginning to read. Nothing penetrated her
gloom until she heard her own name spoken. Another moment passed before she
recognized the familiar gentle eyes twinkling from under the poet's leather beret.
Mike paused, his deep and melodious
voice catching briefly before he resumed
his recitation:
Incomparable Sarah,
Math becomes meaningless
Before the sweet unsolvable equations
Of your infinite eyes
Our intersecting arcs
Could rise exponentially
Our love is a proof
Not of math
But of physics, of gravity
And animal magnetism.
As he finished reading, his words rang
with certainty for Sarah. Happiness and
fulfillment were hers and she stood, gazing rapt into his electric face.
Suddenly, the sound of giggles shattered
the tension. The hoard of black-clad arty
bastards were laughing at Mike's poem! At
first she felt furious, but soon Sarah began
to laugh as well, realizing that she would
no longer need this outlet for tortured
emotions. From now on it would be nothing but brainless love songs for Mike and
her.
Sarah rose and crossed the room to
embrace her beloved, never once breaking
their gaze. Mike's firm grip was on her
shoulders and they kissed long and passionately before the gaping crowd of poets.
"So long, suckers", shouted Mike as he
and Sarah turned to leave the Poetry Society once and for all. Then they ran hand in
hand to the Pit where they drank like fools
and danced all night in each other's
unsteady arms.
This is the end of the 432 harlequin. May it
rest in peace. All four authors have been committed to asylums. Nobody knows what happened to "Mike"and "Sarah."
'Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright 21 January 2003
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Seven
The Drawers of SUS
Science Week and the
Science Student Social Space
Reka Sztopa
President
rsztopa@interchange. ubc.ca
Hi Everyone. It has been a really
busy first term so I haven't had a
chance to write too much for the
432, but great things have and still are happening with SUS. If you ever have any
questions, concerns, comments or suggestions - please feel free to contact me at rsz-
topa@interchange.ubc.ca.
Okay. So there are two important things
coming up in the next little while that I
hope you get involved with.
The first is Science Week, happening from
January 27th-31st. There is absolutely NO
REASON for you to not come out to at
least one event during Science Week. There
are academic events, social events, fun
events, events to participate in, events to
just watch or you can even just walk along
the SUB concourse and check out all of the
great things that Scienc clubs have to offer.
Wear blue. Show your spirit. Make sure to
check out the posters that will be around
campus soon.
The second thing - which you may have
heard about in the Ubyssey article that
came out on January 14th - is the Science
Student Social Space that we are working
on. So here is the deal. First of all, it's about
freakin' time that we started looking into
some more social space for Science students. There is a proposal for 7600 square
foot building to be built between Hebb
Theatre and the Chem/Physics building.
This space would include office space,
meeting space both large and small, and
lots and lots of social space. There is a
steering committee that is working on the
design and plans for the building as well as
on a referendum question for the referendum we will be running along with our
March executive elections. We are working
together with the AMS, the university and
the Faculty of Science on this project and it
is shaping up to look excellent. I will use
the 432 to update you on what is happening in the next few months - so stay tuned.
This is a very exciting project for SUS and
we hope that you will want to get informed
and involved throughout the next term!
Annes Song
w
VP Internal
annes 1Z02@hotmail.com
ATCH OUT! SCIENCE WEEK IS
COMING!!
-got time? got a pen? well start writing for
sus leadership award!!-
That's right! Starting January 27th, Blue
colour will be dominating the whole UBC
Campus, and make everyone fall in love
with Science!
Along with very exciting activies (yes yes
yes there's jello wrestling!!), we have a lot
of informative and interactive career fairs
and workshops. Faculty of Science is hosting career fair, Beyond First Year, and
Beyond BsC. First Year Committe (fys-
sus@hotmail.com) will be assisting the
Advising office to organize and promote
Beyond First Year event. If anyone else
would like to participate in Beyond First
Year or Beyond BsC, please email Annes
(annesl202@hotmail.com) and I will be
glad to help you out. Also FYC will be
hosting a Science BBQ on the last day of
Science Week (Jan. 31st-"THE DAY OF
COLD FUSION"). It will run from 10am
till 2pm, so please come out to the SUB for
LUNCH!! It wouldn't be hard to find
where we would be- since the aroma of
juicy bbq patties will guide you to where
we are.
With that in mind, Academic Committe
has finalized the nomination forms for
both SUS Leadership Award, and SUS
Teaching Excellence Award. The nomination forms will be available on our website
(www.ams.ubc.ca/sus) or in our sus lounge
(LSK 202). For the leadership award, the
main criterias are that the candidate needs
to have a minumum academic average of
60%, hasio be a full undergraduate science
student, and a non- sus council member.
We will be also asking the candidate to
submit his or her resume along with the
application. For the teaching excellence
award, you are welcome to nominate more
than one professor, and he or she doesn't
have to teaching this term. The deadline
for the nomination form submission is on
March 3rd, 2003 at 4:32pm in the SUS
Office.
If you can't find a drop box for the forms,
please feel free to place your form in Annes
Song's mail box: If you have more questions, email susawards@hotmail.com.
Lastly, Science Olympic is on JAN 31st!
If you would like meet new people, here's
a great chance to do so!! You will be given
an opportunity to make a team and compete on various games. The forms will be
available soon! So keep your eyes WIDE
OPEN for the scheduled posters and talk
to your Club, Department, or Program
Representative for live updates on Science
Week!! That's it from VP internal. Happy
belated New Years everyone!
Now Playing:
1985 John Hughes comedy
classic starring Kelly LeBrock,
Anthony Michael Hall, Bill Paxton
and Han Mitchell-Smith
FREE Admission
FREE pop
FREE popcorn
presented by: ISSA
Monday, January 27 at 7 PM in the Norm Theatre
Anna-Marie Bueno
Social Coordinator
ai_vi@msn.com
Okay . . . here it is: my first exec
report. Yay for me! I'm steadily getting a grasp of the SUS exec ways,
so please pardon the absence of any SoCo
reports since my appointment. I know
you'd love to hear all about this mystery
girl who from nowhere conveniently stumbled into a SUS council meeting and was
appointed SoCo. And I'm sure you have
unanswered questions like what on earth
possessed this crazy girl to throw herself
into a mess of SUS stuff. But I prefer to
maintain this mysterious identity and as
such will refrain from divulging too much
info about myself. Besides ... this isn't my
personal column or livejdurnal or anything
like that. So I guess that means ... on to
SUS business.
First and foremost, I am very privileged to
have a hand in bringing to you the ever
popular, the ever anticipated pinnacle of
Science Week otherwise known as COLD
FUSION to be held Friday, January 31. In
case you've been living under a rock, Cold
Fusion has brought to UBC the likes of
Nickelback, Bif Naked, Our Lady Peace ...
and . .. well. .. the list goes on. This year
we're proud to present WIDE MOUTH
MASON. And of course, to get the party
started, we'll be getting some help from
STABILO BOSS. Yahoo! This is an event
you CANNOT miss. Oh ... and of course,
beverages and such will be made available
to quench your thirst. If I'm feeling extra
nice, I'll see to it that special Jell-O is provided just for this special event. Now . . .
tickets you ask?? You can purchase them at
the Sales and Promotions Booth in the SUB
concourse throughout Science Week (January 27-31). GETCHUR tickets ASAP. Don't
tell me I didn't warn you. While you're
there you may want to check out some of
the very phat SUS gear that you can floss at
Cold Fusion.
Okay . . . now that my most important
announcement is out of the way, I can babble on about some the other wonderful
events that will be put on throughout this
term. I'm already giving you a heads up, so
mark it on your calendar NOW ... no
excuses. I want to see YOU there. Okay so
bzzr gardens are set for Friday, February
28 and Friday, March 14. We've got some
pretty exciting plans for these bzzr gardens
so you can't miss out. Ethanol - my first
bzzr garden - well, that was just the start..
. I promise you great things. Movie nights
are also in the works. Dates for these nights
are currently tentative, but they will, for
sure, be happening very soon. Movies will
be showing in the comfort of your very
own SUS lounge in LSK 202. That means
you can pop some popcorn in the 2 lovely
microwaves, lounge on the big comfy
couches, and basically just kick back and
catch a flick ... all for free... how sweet is
that? Uh-huh!
These are just a few of the events lined up.
The social committee has plenty of fun in
store for you this term, so keep an eye out.
If you're interested in lending a helping
hand with these events or just plain bored,
send me an email @ ai_vi@msn.com.
Last but not least, I'm pleased to let you all
know that I will be sitting on the AMS
council for the rest of this term. YAHOO!
... So there it is. My first report. What do
you think? An A+?? Thanks!
Hedy Lam
Sports
H
hedy_ 1 l@hotmail.com
ey everyone,  registration deadlines are coming up:
WinterFest: Jan 21st
RainFest: Jan 31st
Table Tennis Championship: Feb 7th
Survivor Team Challenge: Feb 7th
Keep in mind you guys are entitled to a
rebate possibly up to 50% off if you guys
register under UNIT as a SCIENE team!
Sameer Wahid
Public Relations
wahid@interchange.ubc.ca
Your friendly,  neighbourhood PRO
here... I hope you all enjoyed your
holidays, and are ready to tackle
another term. Here's what's been going on:
Charity Events
Last term's Kiss the Pig charity drive was
a great success! Eight professors from the
faculty participated this year, and raised
over $600 for the Canadian Gene Cure
Foundation. Congratulations go to this
year's winner, Dr. Craig Berezowsky,
whose classes raised over $200 and watch
their prof share a kiss with Petunia the Pig.
Thanks to all who participated this year.
Social Space
There was recently an article in the
Ubyssey regarding the current social space
crunch in Science, and possible actions to
remedy the situation. The dashing young
man in the photo is none other than me
<insert ego boost here>.
Grad Info
The Grad Class Council met recently and
is starting preparations for the May Convocation. If you are like me and are lucky
enough to be graduating this year, stay
tuned for more information on events such
as the Tree Planting Ceremony, Grad Bzzr
Garden, and more.
Canadian Memorial
Chiropractic College
Unfortunately, the CMCC seminar was
cancelled on account of the speakers not
being on the right flight into Vancouver.
Apologies to those of you who came to the
seminar - if you would like more information on the CMCC, please e-mail Jonathan
Nghiem at jnghiem@cmcc.ca.
Other stuff
I've only got one term left here at UBC!!! I
know that probably isn't newsworthy, but I
get to sneak tidbits into my exec report,
right Ben? (He can't say much - he's graduating too...)
Chris Zappavigna
Senate
cjzappav@interchange.ubc.ca
The term has started and I am bored.
Yes, fellow science students, please
give me some excitement.
Anyways,  as I'm sure you've noticed,
AMS elections are now in full swing. Fret
not young ones, my seat is not contested
during this election. The senate seat occupied by yours truely will not be contested
until this March with the "other" SUS
executive positions.
The January senate meeting agenda has
been appoved, but I haven't recieved it yet.
By the next 432 issue is published I will
have more news for you. Hopefully I'll be
less bored by then as well. □
X
Featuring Wide Mouth Mason
PLUS STABILO BOSS & GUESTS
FRIDAY, JANUARY 31, 2003
DOORS OPEN @ 6:30 PM
T-i
SUB BALLROOM, UBC
■B|^||P|IHA t   III
NO MINORS-BRING ID
$pmmm& irv F>si?r #/ wif /Mis <? jei/jsbu. Bumaxs

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