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The 432 Oct 3, 1990

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Array UBC Archives Serial
Volume 4, Number 3    The Newspaper for Science Students    Wednesday, Oct. 3,1990
Catching a Genetic Cold
-by David W. New-
A new breed of medical treatments has
arrived, curing what was once thought
incurable, striking straight to the genes,
abolishing illness by infecting the sick.
Anyone who rode Vancouver
buses ten years ago remembers Julia —
the girl in the Canadian Cystic Fibrosis
Foundation ads who was 12 years old and
had "just reached middle age." Donate,
the ads asked, towards a cure or treatment
for this horrible genetic disease. And a
decade later, inherited diseases like CF,
muscular dystrophy, haemophilia, or
glaucoma, diabetes, Parkinson's or psoriasis, seem well on their way to being
cured.
•Item: Some years ago, researchers across the world began work on
mapping the human genetic code. At first
this appeared a trivial exercise to onlookers — attempting to determine genes for
curly hair, left-handedness, blue eyes —
or a scary venture into sci-fi genetic engineering and eugenics.
But fourteen months ago, a team
atthe Toronto Hospital for Sick Children,
led by Dr. Lap-Chee Tsui, identified the
gene which causes cystic fibrosis. Once
thought to be an extremely complex
syndrome, because of its multiplicity of
symptoms, CF was suddenly catapulted
into the vanguard of potentially curable
genetic diseases. A single defect in a
single gene was intuitively that much
more treatable than a profusion of such
defects.
The main problems confronting
researchers were isolation and permanence. Healthy genes are in abundance
— only one person in 10 000 has the
disease; one person in 50 carries it -=- but
not in isolation. By itself, one gene looks
much loike any other; without an entire
A.
Faced with a superior enemy, a Ubyssey staffer shows typical reflex behaviour
Hahn, Thornton Win Election
Some Positions Still Unfilled
Liu in Pharmacology, and Psychology's
Kevin Chung.
A byelection will be held to fill the
remaining vacancies, both in the third-
and fourth-year rep spots and in the
eleven unfilled departmental positions
— Biology, Chemistry, Geography, Geology, Geophysics/Astronomy, Mathematics, Microbiology, Oceanography,
Physics, Statistics, and General Science.
[Details, page 3.]
"I was generally disappointed with
the voter turnout and the apathy," said
SUS Internal Vice President Caireen
Hanert, "but I'm hoping that the situation
will change in the upcoming byelection."
"I encourage everyone to exercise
their vote," she said.
Linlea Hahn and Sairah Thornton became
Science Council's new first-year reps in
Friday's election, defeating Philip Led-
with and Tim Mak. 81 votes were cast for
the four candidates, some 4% of eligible
voters; all remaining seats were filled by
acclamation.
New year rep additions to Science
Council are first-years Hahn and
Thornton; Don Hitchen, Patrick Lum,
and Christopher Sung in second year;
Emily Fong and Kenneth Fung in third
year; and fourth-years Erik Jensen and
Sandra Mah. One seat remains open in
each of third and fourth years.
Incoming departmental representatives are Physiology's Jacqueline Hui,
Biochemistry's Tien-Fu Wen, Douglas
chromosome on which to mark its place,
the afflicted body would find the newly
identified gene quite useless.
And even a heart-lung transplant,
currently the most effective treatment for
CF, doesn't necessarily take; or, if it
does, might not train the body to produce
healthy genes —- might instead be trained
itself, to get sick.
•Item: On February 15,1990, Dr.
Peter Law at the University of Tennessee
pioneered the concept of cell therapy, in
which healthy cells are injected into the
patient, in an effort to let the foreign
genes do what the resident ones cannot. A
boy with muscular dystrophy became its
first recipient; all three teams which have
tried the technique so far have reported
positive results.
Still, it's not as perfect a treatment
as it could be. Cell therapy donates thousands of genes where one or two would
do; the invasive cells are ultimately rejected by the body, and injections must
continue, for life.
•Item: On September 14, 1990,
Dr. W. French Anderson pioneered gene
therapy, a level down from cell therapy.
Here, orily the necessary genes are inserted; whether or not they will graft
permanently is unknown. But the very
mechanism which allows the genes to
attach in the right places is the same one
which makes them spread: a virus.
Genetically engineered viruses
have been the subject; of innumerable bad
movies and bureaucratic nightmares, but
now that the technology exists, scientists
are discovering that nature is a better
engineer than they: bacteria and viruses
breed and evolve so quickly that each
species is already the most harmful it
An Apology
Last issue, 77/e 432 ran an article
on politics by j\MS President
Kurt Preinsperg. The article had
been solicited, vjritten and submitted; to The432\ in the first week
of September; its publication was
delayed to the second issue because I thought more people
would read it there. Kurt sent me
a brief note asking me to withhold
its publication again, until it no
longer sounded like he was attacking AMS Council ... but I
didn't see the note. Kurt — my
apologies. I hopetheartitie didn't
hurt your reputation unnecessarily, through bad timing alone.
-Da.vid W. New, Editor
could be. Genetic manipulation, as a rule,
can only weaken such organisms ■— or
give them beneficial side effects.
In this case, the benign virus'
beneficial side effect is that it carries with
it a healthy gene, and enough information
to attack human cells in just the right
place — so the gene is affixed atop its
unhealthy counterpart. The virus then
moves on, and infects more cells with its
peculiar brand of health.
Ironically, this is exactly the same
method by which the HIV virus, AIDS,
functions: invading a cell and replacing
healthy genes with unhealthy ones it
carries. This leads to the hope that gene
therapy will prove effective as a cure for
AIDS and other acquired gene-related
problems.
Further hope on that frontier lies
with the first use of gene therapy, Anderson ' s patient. A four-year-old girl with an
inborn immunodeficiency, she was injected with a billion of her own cells,
which had been carefully infected with
the engineered retrovirus. Gene therapy
is a one-time treatment: the cells she
received are her own; her body cannot
reject them any more than it can reject her
own blood. The new cells will eventually
dominate, and replicate, and keep her
healthy for life.
It cannot, however, cure her children. Medicine doesn't yet know how to
engineer changes in the egg and sperm
cells, and it isn't looking. That way lies
Ubermenschen and species manipulation,
and few scientists want to think about the
ethical implications of such "germ line"
genetics research.
Continued on page 5...
In This Issue...
Editorial  2
Contest Results  2
That's Trivial! 3
Studying Naked  3
Light Bulbs 4
Dik Miller 6
New Contest 6
Cheap Thrills 7
Bungy Jumping 8
The 432
October 3,1990 Editorial: Just Kidding
by David W. New
Once upon a time, there was a club
called the Victoria Invasion. It puttered
along until its existence had expired,
and, its usefulness still alive and vibrant,
continued toputteralong.uneventfully,
unnoticed.
Then one day, an Audit happened by. It fastened on the Victoria
Invasion with alarm, and found to its
dismay that it had uncovered an Embezzlement. The ensuing scandal made
it into the Sun, the Province, and the
CBC. One AMS executive resigned in
shame; moves were taken towards
impeaching a second.
No charges were laid. The
budget became accountable. A new
executive took office. Honesty seemed
to have taken over student politics.
Everyone settled back, prepared to live
happily ever after.
But one additional factor had
changed. Like France after the Revolution, like the U.S. after Watergate,
UBC had discovered that the populace
possessed more powers than the right
to vote. What they had put in office,
they could also take away. And so
began the greatest, most welcome
abandonment of student apathy since
the Great Trek itself.
Why, since the current school
year began, at least four campaigns to
impeach executives have begun—not
all in the AMS proper, and not even all
public. The two most prominent, and
the only two I can discuss here, are of
course the infamous petitions against
Messrs. Preinsperg and Lipscomb of the
AMS. The former gives no reasons: it's
assumed that an average student will know
full well why Mr. Preinsperg deserves to
be booted out. The latter cites mismanagement and insufferability.
They call for referenda, these two,
forvotesofconfidenceamong the student
body. They cry out for the full rights of a
democracy, for full accountability to the
electorate for one'sactions.one'spolicies,
one's very attitude — all items of paramount importance in the elected leaders
of a society.
Oh, some have scoffed, calling
the mania gripping UBC students a witch
hunt,ascapegoatingsession,acorruption-
by-power of the masses who wield it. But
how can this be true? We have here
nothing less than a re-enactment of the
glory days of modern democracy!
A brief recap of the glory days of
modern democracy, of course, starts with
the French philosophers of the 18th century, skims over the American revolutionaries of 1776, who settled on the
French model after the King of Spain
declined to take them on as a new province, and culminates in the French
Revolution of the 1790's, when tyrant
after irredoubtably genuine tyrant was
overthrown by a democracy-loving, liberty-equality-fraternity-minded public.
And here at UBC we have the
same thing—not perhaps in scale, but in
principle: a people shaken to their core,
fed up with their own apathy, and brimming with the noble desire for a fair
government, a decent government, a
government elected by the people, bearing both in mind and at heart the people's
true interests! What could be grander?
Looking back, we can see that the
rumblings were there. The rallies of
Students Opposed to Tuition Fee Hikes,
marching on the Faculty Club ... the
unstoppable wave of opinions about
RecFac... the irate letters in The Ubyssey
whenever a new scandal threatened to
appear ... why, UBC's been a veritable
hotbed of student unrest for years now!
It's only just and right that that unrest
should manifest in a desire for honesty,
for morality, for respectability.
Let's just look briefly at a couple
of cases. Kurt Preinsperg, first—accused
of nothing, yet mistrusted by many. His
crimes, so clear to every UBC student
that they need not be listed, are easily
enumerated: Spreading misogynistideals
under the Alma Mater Society's name.
Abusing the position of AMS President.
Chairing a farce of a General Meeting in
which first-years and Sikhs could not
vote, yet SFU students could and did.
All, all horrible behaviour. Surely
this petition, written by Co-ordinator of
External Affairs Jason Brett, must be
signed by all self-respecting students —
for surely none would go to this trouble
were he not guilty!
And John Lipscomb, successor to
the infamous Karl Kottmeier—what are
his crimes? Gross mismanagement, it
seems, and gross incompetence, and gross
failure to fulfill a mandate, and general
difficulty to work with. Well! Not a team
player, is he? Then certainly he'd better
be thrown out of office, the more so if
he's a bumbling incompetent.
Ah, but we're careful. We don't
sign a petition just because someone
says to. We look at the Facts. How do
we know he's incompetent? Why, because Jason Brett wrote this petition
too, and Vice-President Johanna Wickie
is circulating it! Surely they'd be in a
position to know, wouldn't they? Then
sign it, for he's surely guilty as Fawkes.
Well, isn't he?
After all, Brett and Wickie are
certainly going to know who's doing
their job and who isn't. The rumour that
Brett organized that whole farcical
general meeting can't have anything to
do with his judgment, now can it? The
two are separate, and the judgment of a
leader is, well, unimpeachable!
Isn't it? Isn't that the whole idea
of a democracy — you elect people if
you support their views, and trust their
opinions and judgment while they're in
office? Well, until someone comes along
and shows them up for bumbling incompetents, anyway. Then, of course,
they're yours to lynch. Aren't they?
I mean, if there's a lynch mob
out to get someone, then there's got to
beareasonforit,doesn'tthere? Nobody
would be so mean as to just attack an
elected official without reason, would
they? I mean, especially not another
elected official. There must be reasons.
Just as there must be reasons for
all the other campaigns going on. And
hurray for them! Farewell, student
apathy, gone forever, gone for good!
Sing hallelujah to the new era of responsibility, of accountability, of honesty or else!
I wonder when we'll get an executive that survives its term.
Letters to the Editor      T.A.'s Run for Cover as
Dear Editor,
Aaron Drake's article, "Tenants' Rights:
Nine Questions and Answers" that appeared in the September 19th edition of
The 432 was a good start in the process of
making students aware of the problems
facing tenants in our city. But it's only a
start.
While it is important for students
to inform themselves about their own
rights it is equally, if not more important,
for them to consider the broader political
issue of affordable rental housing in
Vancouver, and to turn that awareness
into action.
As anyone looking for rental accommodation is acutely aware, the rents
in Vancouver are unbelievably high. Over
the past two years rents have skyrocketed
out of all proportion with the cost of
living. Two years ago, the average rent
for a one bedroom apartment was about
$500. Today the same size apartment
could cost you &700 and it is students,
single parents, seniors and people on fixed
incomes who are the hardest hit by rising
rents.
The high rents are a direct result of
municipal and provincial government
policies that put the interests of land
speculators and developers ahead of the
needs of tenants.
Over the past year Mayor
Campbell and his NPA council have done
nothing to stop the closure and demolition of over 1300 rental units in Vancouver. As the number of rental units decreases the rents of the remaining suites
continue to rise. Despite continued protests from numerous community groups
the destruction of affordable rental accommodation continues. With no provincial rent controls to protect them tenants have been reportaing rent increases
anywhere from 20 to 125%.
As students concerned about our
own immediate situations as tenants in
Vancouver there are ways to inform ourselves about our rights. As citizens however we have a larger responsibility to our
city and our province.
On November 17th the people of
Vancouver will have the opportunity to
elect a city council that will put the needs
of citizens ahead of the greed of developers.
If you have been a resident of
Vancouver for 3 months prior to the election date you are eligible to vote. But you
might not be on the voters' list.
If you're not sure whether you are
on the list you can call Voter List Information at 873-7681 to find out If you're
not on the list you can register by calling
The Registrar of Voters at 660-6848.
If you are currently having problems with your tenancy you can get help
by calling the Tenant Hodine at 255-
0546.
But if you are truly concerned
about the rental crisis in Vancouver make
sure your name is on the voters list and
get out and vote on November 17th for a
new progressive city council.
Roneen Marcoux
Geography Dept.
Insane Students Bake Labs
A lab report of unusual form: this was the
challenge to readers of The 432' s second
issue, and Rob Deary of Phys/Math 3 met
it admirably. His entry, its text reproduced below, he describes as "A Physics
309 lab written in Cow Latin with a
Staedder 'Lumo-Color' non-permanent
purple pen (made in Germany, recap after
use) on 4.2 homemade salt-free sugar-
free preservative-free tasteless vegetarian bagels." Tasteless, at least, they were.
Deary's Physics 309 T.A., Gail
Meagher, when informed of his culinary
masterwork, appeared to pale slightly as
she said, "Now wait. I thought the deal
was that he would make two lab reports,
one for you and one for me." Deary wins
a Science V-Neck sweater for his efforts.
Second place in the contest goes
to Winston Yeung, for a Chemistry lab
writeup in nine limericks, reprinted on
page five of this issue. Yeung wins apair
of Science boxer shorts.
Finally, Michael Chow (Science
3) wins the remaining prize, a Science T-
shirt, for a discussion of whether or not
cats always land on their feet.
Deary's winning entry:
(First bagel: text written spiralling
outward)
LOPERATIONAY RAMP-
LIFIE AY: YB AY BROAY YDEARAY:
403A 8LAY: 4162/deway TAB-
STRACAY NIAY STHIAY TEX-
PERIMENTEWAY DAMEASURE AY
ETHAY NGAINAY FOAY GIN-
VERTINAY RAMPLIFTEAY SAY AY
NFUNCTIOAY FOAY YFREQUEN-
CAY. TIAY SWAY DFOUNAY THAY
ETHAY NGAIN SFALAY FOFAY
TEXPONENTIALAY RAFTBAY AY
LCRITICAY ETEMPERATURAY
(Secondbagel.textaccompanyingaciruit
diagram)
TCIRCUIAY RCOMPUTEAY
YFREQUENCAY     GLOAY
ESCALAY NGAINAY
PRAMAY     NFUNCTIOAY
TSENAY OTAY NFUNCTIONAY
RGENERATOAY
(Third bagel, text once more spiralling
outward)
eThaY dSPECiFieAY TLAY-
OUT SWAY DeXAMINEAY NIAY
OTWAY SPASDEAY. TFIRSAY,
ETHAY TOUPUAY TAY SWAY TPO-
INAY ITAY EVHILAY ETHAY
YFREQUENCAYSWAYDRAMPEAY
RBUVAY ETR AY ERANGAY ZIKAY
OTAYZIMHAY
(Fourth bagel: a sine wave plotted around
the perimeter, and several graphs on top)
RAPHGAY EONAY: LIP-
INGCAY FOAY NOVA DRIVEOAY
POAY PAMAY
This week's 432 contest is announced on
page 6.
The 432
October 3,1990 That's Trivial!   Elections
Again!
-by Tanya Rose-
Hi! This week's topic is First Names.
Each question is the first name of someone famous—just give their last name!
(Answers are on page 6.)
Yes, those fabulous SUS elections are
back once again by popular demand.
We're looking for Science students to
represent the followi ng constituencies—
•Third Year!
•Fourth Year!
•Biology!
•Chemistry!
•Geography!
•Geology!
•Geophysics/Astronomy!
•Mathematics!
•Microbiology!
•Oceanography!
•Physics!
•Statistics!
•General B.Sc!
Just fill out the nomination form over on
page eight, and hand it in at the SUS
office by Wednesday, October 10th —
come to the all-candidates' meeting at
noon on the 11 th—fill your meaningless
life with campaigning from the 12th to
the 18th—and you too can be an exciting
and integral part of the SUS family!
Bonus Question (5 points): what was Elections are Friday, October
Pope John Paul Us name when he was a J
cardinal?
1-10
Easv (1 point each")
1.
Oprah
2.
Linus (from Peanuts)
3.
Galileo
4.
Geraldo
5.
Groucho
6.
Knowlton
7.
Moon Unit
8.
Napoleon
9.
Roseanne
10.
Ringo
11-15 Medium (2 ooints each)
11.
Alice (in Wonderland)
12.
Prince
13.
Rembrandt
14.
Tycho
15.
Prince Charles
16-20 Hard (3 ooints each)
16.
Billy (the Kid)
17.
Cher
18.
Dante
19.
Wendy (of the restaurant chain)
20.
Michaslangelo
19th, from 10:30 to 2:30.
The Art of Studying Naked
"Study,and,
in general,
the pursuit
of truth and
beauty, is a
sphere of
activity in
which   we
are permitted to remain children all
our lives."
-Albert Einstein
A very strange thing happened to me a
few days back, and I've got to tell you
about it. It's one of those things I've
heard about but never believed before:
for instance, we've all heard that Fine
Arts graduates get jobs, but nobody
really believes it.
My Political Science 361 class
runs from seven till ten. At eight-thirty
we take a ten-minute break. That's when
It Happened. I was reading Newsweek,
being very insignificant, when the professor came over and struck up a conversation. I had to look around to see if
he was talking, perhaps, to a grad student behind me, but no, he was actually
Interested In Me As A Human Being.
Go figure.
See, I was always under the
impression that professors considered
us'human. I always thought that they
considered us just a few rungs lower on
the food chain. But Dr. Wallace was
talking to me. Yes, talking—I actually
burped out a few replies. Now, ordinarily I would wave this incident off as a
result of Quantum Mechanics (Physics
students will appreciate the subtle
physics humour of "wave off." If not,
they're geeks), in that there is a definite
chance that a professor will talk to his
students in a friendly manner, no matter
how remote the possibility. But it hap
pened in another class! Dr. Holsti struck
up a conversation with me before class
started. So why all of a sudden are professors recognizing my human characteristics when they haven't for the last five
years?
It dawned on me last night as I was
tossing and turning in bed about it. (Yes,
I'm kidding. As if I would be such a
dweeb that! would lose sleep over whether
or not a prof was going to speak to me. I
was tossing and turning over whether or
not Petr Nedved would be signed by the
Canucks.) It was because I was sitting in
the front row. For the past five years, I had
sat in the back row — primarily because
less people notice you sleeping.
Get this: you earn the professor's
respect when you sit in the front row.
Weird. All these years, I was afraid to sit
in the front row because I was sure the
professor would spit on me and order me
to the back row.
In the front row, the professor
treats you so much different from the
people in the back row. Now that I think
about it, the reason is obvious. You sit in
the front row only when you are a Serious
S tudent. You can' t fold paper airplanes in
the front row, without attracting the lecturer's attention. You can't doze off, you
can't draw doodles, you have to (shudder) Pay Attention and Take Careful
Notes. So here is my first advice to you
froshes out there:
Never sit in the front row.
Here's another piece of advice:
Most will recommend that you
get a good nigh t' s sleep before your exam,
but I tend to buck tradition on that. An all-
nighter is an integral part of university.
Use it, enjoy it, and realize that you'll
never retain anything you learn at three in
the morning. Therefore, pull all-nighters
in large groups so that you'll have something to do at 3am. Some of my fondest
memories come from the nights before
the finals cooped up in the Physics Building, stoned on caffeine. Which brings me
to my next point: don't drink too much
coffee. It is very hard to take coherent
notes with a hand that keeps chattering on
the table.
Caffeine does have its uses though,
and here I'll get back to my 3am story.
Picture this: the night before my Physics
four hundred-and-something-or-other
final. It's the night before my friend,
Morgan, has his Physics four hundred-
and-something-else final. We had just
bought chocolate covered coffee beans
— a tool of Satan, by the way ^- and we
had been chewing on them all night. As
far as I know, four or five beans equals
one cup of coffee. Each bag has about
forty beans.
We, not knowing our elbows from
a hole in the ground, had each eaten a bag
and a half.
Morgan is wired. I am wired. I've
been seeing giant purple spiders running
across my notes for the past ten minutes.
Morgan looks up at me, and he's shaking
at about 60 MHz.
"HeyAaron Ican'tstudy," he says,
in one short second.
"Neithercanlwhatdoyouwant-
todo?" I ask.
"...I bet I can run around the
building faster than you can."
That was the birth of the Physsoc
Exam Olympics. The halls of the third
floor of the Hennings building are shaped
like a racetrack, and are almost exacdy a
sixth of a kilometre in circumference. For
weeks, at three in the morning, we would
race up there trying to break Jamie's
record of 23 seconds. Jamie was one of
about two dozen competitors.
I know that it doesn' t sound very
interesting, but remember that we were
all full of coffee beans, which we still
hadn't got the hang of yet. Escalation
followed. Eventually, we held the one-
kilometre race, the run-around-back-
wards race, the run-around-blindfolded
race (That was a great one, boy. Drop by
some time, I'll show you my scar) and
the walk-like-a-university-professor
race. Pat held the record on that one with
his Dr. Carolan stroll (two minutes, seven
seconds).
Eventually, we held the run-
around-as-fast-as-you-can-because-
you're-naked race. I won't say who ran
it, but I will say that it's darned uncomfortable to run at top speed naked when
you're a man because of a Certain Thing
That Men Have flapping all over the
place. But you run fast, encouraged by
the nagging suspicion that you don't
trust the people you left your clothes
with and they are at this moment stuffing them into the mail slot of the Physics
DepartmentOffice.77K.ris truly the stuff
that memories are really made of.
Don't get fool ideas into your
head. This is nostalgia. We won't be
doing this again, I don't think. I imagine
that I'll be getting a few queer looks
from certain physics professors. I certainly expect it from Dr. Carolan, who
will probably stroll about the halls of
Hennings wondering exacdy how Pat
thinks he strolls.
It's a moot point, because Dr.
Carolan broke his leg last year, and now
we have to come up with an entirely new
walk to imitate him.
Aaron Drake studies frequently, as is
evidenced by the inordinate number of
books next to his gym shoes. Naturally,
he believes coursework is irrelevant.
The 432
October 3,1990 The 432
Volume 4, Number 3
October 3,1990
Editor:      David W. New
Writers:    Richard Bae
Aaron C. Drake
Rachel Farrall
Trent Hammer
Orvin Lau
Derek K. Miller
David W. New
Tanya Rose
Antonia Rozario
Winston Yeung
Typists:     Aaron C. Drake
Trent Hammer
Derek K. Miller
Orvin Lau
David W. New
Artists:      Cesare Battista
Mike Jackson
Patrick Redding
Photography:
Aaron C. Drake
Distribution: Mark Honig
Su/anne Saatchi
Peter
Siempelkamp
Printed at College Printers.
Area: 9.652 x 10J m2.
Multiplicity: 4000.
Frequency: 8.267 x 107 Hz.
Average printing speed:
3.192 x 103 m2/s
The 432 is published by the
UBC Science Undergraduate Society. All contents are
© 1990 by the authors, or by
the Society if no name is
given. So there, you can't
have them.
Deadline for submissions:
Wednesday, October 10
Next issue: October 17
•The Eerily Great Semi-
Annual Midterm Squeeze
(ECSAMS)!
•Whatever turns up in the
junk drawer!
•Our Regular Features™!
The432 holds staff meetings
every Tuesday at 12:30 in
room CHEM 160. If you're
interested in helping out,
show up — or else write an
article, take a photo, draw a
cartoon, and give it to us.
Scribble about something,
anything, or nothing! Or
your favourite flavour of ice
cream! Whatever!
Light Humour..
How many Engineers does it take to How many theorists does it take to change
change a light bulb? a light bulb?
Six — one to hold the light bulb, According to our calculations, it
fivetodrinkuntiltheroomstartsspinning. should be approximately 1.2.
How many Artsies does it take to change
a light bulb?
Only one, but he gets three units
for it
How many first-year Artsies does it take
to change a light bulb?
None—that's athird-yearcourse.
How many Fine Arts students does it take
to change a light bulb?
Only one — she holds the bulb
and the world revolves around her.
How many acting students does it take to
change a light bulb?
Thirty — one to change the light
bulb, and twenty-nine to say, "I could
have done that!"
How many method actors does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one, but within him lies a
multitude.
How many computer programmers does
it take to change a light bulb?
That's a hardware problem!
How many mathematicians does it take
to change a light bulb?
First, we must prove the existence
of a light bulb...
How many quantum physicists does it
take to change a light bulb?
That depends...
How many experimentalists does it take
to change a light bulb?
Let's try it and see...
How many Physical Plant workers does it
take to change a light bulb?
No one has ever found out.
How many Torontonians does it take to
change a light bulb?
Two — one to change the light
bulb, one to fax New Yorkand say they've
done it.
How many Oregonians does it take to
change a light bulb?
Six — one to change the light
bulb, five to write up the environmental
impact study.
How many Californians does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
Californians screw in hot tubs!
How many generic [racial/sexual/occupational] stereotypesdoesittaketochange
a light bulb?
N+l — one to change the light
bulb, N to act in a demeaning manner
appropriate to the particular [racial/sexual/
occupational] stereotype.
How many surrealists does it take to
change the light bulb?
Two — one to lead the camels,
one to drain the bathwater.
How many dadaists does it take to change
a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
How many Zen roshis does it take to
change a light bulb?
Two — one to change the light
bulb, one not to change the light bulb.
How many real men does it take to change
a light bulb?
Real men aren't afraid of the dark!
How many psychiatrists does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to
really want to change.
How many social workers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
Two — one to screw in the light
bulb, one to make sure it's screwed up
good.
How many civil servants does it take to
change a light bulb?
Two — one to assure the public
that everything possible is being done to
change the light bulb, and one to screw it
into the faucet
How many mice does it take to screw in
a light bulb?
Two.
How many thought police does it take to
change a light bulb?
What light bulb?
L'lncroyable Thrud
A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO
KINETIC ENERGY
KINETIC 0MER6V IS ONE OF
THE HOST BASK SOENHHC
CONCEPT?, PNO 15 AISO
ONF OF THOSE MOST OFTEN
PW£B> BV TV. AND POPULAR ax_TO«E~.
hostkinetic eN8&v is
ch.uex> H£AT; and is
foisted off ON utisus-
PKTIN6 THERMOMETERS.
therest is usgD for
VARIOUS  PURPOSES s
biologists use SOME OF
IT TO DISTINGUISH  PLAMTS
FROM ANIMALS : ANIMALS
US& KINETIC ENERGY,
PLANTS HAVE IT USED <W
THEM.
PHYSICISTS USE IT AS A
MEASUREMENT OF HANGER;
FOR. INSTANCE, IF ONE 15
ATTACKED BY A CABBA6E
wrm a lot aepor&W/U-
ENCR6Y,  IT WOW'T HURT.
snoKEY -rue &e*J uses
THE R£VT TD STWiP OUT
wse D«vfcMED Foeesr fices,
ANOTHER VeSiX RESULT OF
THAT PROUFETWION OFHCAT
WE MENTIONED EARLIER.
Wanted:
Second- or Higher-Year
Chemistry Undergraduates
by the Chairman of the
Faculty-Undergrad Liaison
Committee for Chemistry.
All interested parties
should contact Kristen
Orions at 228-6571.
The UBC Physics Society Presents...
Dr. Brian Turrell
Head of the UBC Physics Department
on
•The structure of the Physics Department,
the research interests of the faculty
members and the opportunities for
Physics students.
•His own research program: the development of a new cryogenic detector which
is being developed to search for dark
matter (the cosmological "missing
mass") and other applications.
Free Doughnuts and Coffee afterward!
'Thursday, Oct 4 12:30 5(&bbl2
The 432
October 3,1990 More of This Gene Therapy Stuff...
Continued from page 1...
Most of the public still seems extremely mistrustful of applied genetics.
Even to try gene therapy for the first time,
researchers had to wait over three years
for permission from the U.S. government But as with asny other scientific
development — the internal combustion
engine, vaccines, atomic power — the
potential for damage, and for increased
social stratification, are enormous. No
scientist wants to have their name be
come synonymous with Frankenstein, but
neither do they desire to sacrifice the
potential for curing diseases.
These debates all came to a head
on September 14th. But in Bethesda,
Maryland, there's a girl in a bed whose
name no one knows, who will probably
always be grateful for the technology.
•Item: Less than a week later, on
September 20th, 1990, the first steps towards a gene therapeutic cure for cystic
fibrosis were laken. Healthy genes were
spliced into a similar retrovirus, and suc
cessfully infected diseased cells. CF
works by preventing the release of chloride ions in the lungs; if as few as 10% of
the appropriate genes are functional, no
symptoms exist: the disease is cured.
Although the test was done on
human cells, it was nevertheless in a test
tube, under extremely controlled conditions. It could be years before an actual
cure is found — not least because it will
be months before anyone knows if gene
therapy truly is effective. But until three
weeks ago, "years" was guaranteed. That
Science Sales!
Science Varsity Jackets Now Available!
We're now talcing orders for leather and melton jackets. Just look what you get for only
$150.00—
•White leather sleeves! -Royal Blue melton body!
•SCIENCE UBC letters on back! 'Science crest on front!
•Name bar(s) of your choice! 'Quilted lining!
•Hours of fun and enjoyment!
But remember — Science Varsity Jackets are only available at the SUS office, in CHEM
160! Ask for yours today—the sooner you order, the sooner you'll receive this fine piece
of quality apparel! And as a special added bonus, if you order now, you'll save 7% on
G.S.T.!
New for the 90's Clothing!
Sweaters! We got sweaters! Have we got sweaters! We got 100% cotton Fletcher sweaters
with genuine UBC shield! We got Royal Blue sweaters! We got Navy Blue sweaters! We
got White sweaters! And we got 'em in both V-Neck and Crewneck, for your wearing
convenience!
V-Necks..... $31.50 Crewnecks $38.00
Slightly Older for the 90's Clothing!
And even that's not all we' ve got to offer you here at Science Sales—oh no indeedy. Why,
we have a fantastically wide selection of Science gear for all occasions. Just look:
•Science Shorts — this delightful item makes a great gift!
"Science T-Shirts — with five different styles to serve you!
•Science Sweatshirts — ideal for those high-stress midterms!
•Science Sweatpants — perfect for those higher-stress finals!
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•Entertainment '91 and Saving Spree books!
•And much, much more!
But wait! If you act now, then everything you buy can be yours in time for Thanksgiving!
This once-in-a-year holiday happens Monday, so celebrate it soon!
Chemistry 160
a cure might arrive in mere months is the
news thousands of sufferers have awaited
all their lives.
The irony is truly delightful, that
diseases of the gene should be cured
simply by catching the right cold... and
maybe one day soon, we'll know how to
cure colds.
David W. New made a project of contracting every cold he could find while
researching this article; he concluded
finally that he does not have haemophilia.
A
Limerickal
Lab
Report
»by Winston Yeung'
MyCben* ?A sakl to the class*
*The lab is a hard one, alas.
It® objective here
Is not all so clear,
&«t give roe Jeab8Ck$andyoulIpasiS/'
I did not fcaow where to begin;
The T«A> had Ml with a grin,
r moped for& while,
Then thought with asmile,
i ibSight as well hand someftiBg in.
There was «}nssth«ig I had in mind,
Bat mt'iae' &b that was assigned,
i looked aroland me
Botrw one could see
The thing that I was to design.
Ftocedurs was not hard at all.
I needed someeoRC ethanol
This I did see
And grabbed it with glee;
fro sure tfte prof would be appalled.
Some sodium nittate was there,
And most I had managed to snare.
I al^ had found
An anknovra compound
TMsaM on the label, "BEWARE!*
r damped Hall into a flask,
I almost had fiftished my task.
Somehydrog^«ga$
futiftto the glass
Completed the f»ist«reat fe&
I looked at the stuff with a squint
ft had tfce fresh Mom cimM,
I then held my breath
And threw into £ a fitsptinL
There jeaUy fo ao need m say,
My lab pat oh quite a display.
Is great to invent,
ButrtGUO good fefiesutn^s.
My time of<mctom& Jsfosre
So endefh my chem *stry career.
If you want to M
AM go into jail,
Just do whatldM win a sneetl
Wm$m Yem% torn m mmnd with
tUs piece: if handwritten doggerel
Hi$ future, pmpects in Science this
piece of dtfiance ieams almost as
bte4k #$ the misi> Or as my poetry
career. ¥eesk
October 3,1990 Dik Miller, Private Eye
Our hero is currently on board a hovercraft somewhere off the shore offsouth-
westernB.C, being interrogated by parties unknown regarding the alleged disappearance of one Angela Crisco, of
whom he knows nothing except that she
was trying to shoot him and that she
wears nothing but a fur coat on hot summer days. Dave (the editor) wondered
when the hell something was actually
going to happen in this story. Here goes.
"Dammit, you creep," I finally blurted
out. "I am sick and tired of being constantly threatened, having guns pointed
at me, and being taken hostage for reasons I don't even understand! I don't
know who Angela Crisco is, I don' t know
who you are, and for once I don't even
care! All I want to do is go home and
watch A Current Affair!"
"You watch that show?" asked the
man pointing the gun at me. "What a
piece of trash."
"Well I like it!" I shouted. "So
screw you!"
"That's not a very good attitude
from someone I could kill about six different ways right now," he replied calmly.
Time to go for broke. "I'll have
you know," I seethed, "that if I really
wanted to, I could probably dispatch
everyone on this vessel before you even
knew what was happening."
"No you couldn't. You don'teven
have any of your Dik Miller™ gadgets
with you. I know. I checked."
"You forgot one."
His eyebrows arched. "And what
is that?"
"My Dik Miller™ nose ring, potato peeler, electronic thesaurus and
emergency self destruct nuclear device."
"You're telling me that you have
a potato peeler—and an atomic bomb—
in your nose?"
"Yes. Why else would I be wearing this stupid thing?"
He nodded. "That does explain
the gross fashion faux pas of wearing a
gold nose ring with a grey trenchcoat."
Attention Tfvussocians
Physsoc Presents
General Meeting
October 11th, 12:30pm
Room to be decided
(drop by Hennings 307 and see
if we've got a clue yet)
Some of the issues to be
discussed or voted upon:
-Election of year reps, non-
physics reps, sports
rep, etc.
-The "New" Pop Machine
-Sanctions against I raq
(refer to The 432,
September 19th)
-Sports
He reached down toward me. "I'll remove that now."
"Iwouldn'ttry,"Isaid."It'srigged
to go off if it's tampered with."
He stopped. "You're bluffing."
"I'm willing to have my bluff
called. Do it and you'll be a cloud of
mutagenic dust within seconds."
He paused, unsure of what to do.
Obviously he hadnever before been faced
with a situation where if he mishandled
someone's nose he would be reduced to
atoms.
I continued. "All I have to do it
touch my nose with my upper lip and the
timer is set. Then you'll have thirty seconds before it goes off. That's not enough
time to dump me in the ocean and get
away. It's not even enough time to try and
defuse it" I looked at him meaningfully.
"All you can do is let me go."
"I guess you're right," he said,
then nodded to someone behind me whom
I could not see. I felt a sharp pain on the
right side of my head.
When I regained consciousness, it was
very hot and humid. I was in some sort of
wooden shack where sunlight streamed
through the cracks in the wall planks. I
was sweating profusely and really wanted
a drink. My nose felt funny; I couldn't
breathe through it. With some effort I
stood up and stumbled to the door. It was
unlocked, and I was soon outside.
Tropical rainforest Huge, dripping deciduous trees reaching skyward,
vines intertwined in their branches, a
cacophony of animal noises saturating
the air.
"Good afternoon, Dik Miller,
Private Eye. Welcome to Brazil."
I turned to see the man whom I last
remembered to be nodding. "How long
was I out?"
"A week," he said. "We kept you
sedated so that we could get you here and
keep you from ... er ... getting us into
trouble."
It was then that I noticed the strange
constricted feeling around my head. I felt
my face and determined that this man had
placed some sort of strap around my skull
which held on a small plastic cup covering my nose.
"We couldn't defuse your nose
bomb, so we decided merely to prevent
you from activating it. I assure you that
trying to remove the restraining device
will be extremely painful."
Clever, I thought. "But why am I
here?"
"We always need extra help." He
indicated two burly and intimidating-
looking mestizo men, who grabbed me
and forced me to march along a trail. A
few minutes later we were in a clearing—
a huge clearing, where the remains of
burnt forest still smoldered. Off in the
distance I could see a massive factory, its
smokestacks belching filth of all colours
into the air.
I recognized the look of some of
the structures, and my worst fears seemed
realized. I was in a stronghold of the
Death to Humanity by Slow Environmental Degradation Coalition
(D.H.S.E.D.C.), and they were burning
rainforest trees to power a CFC factory in
the middle of the Amazon Basin, doubtless with the full permission of the Brazilian government Not only that, but the
CFC's were being released into the air
without even being used. The
D.H.S.E.D.C. was making substantial
contributions to both the greenhouse effect and ozone thinning.
But where did they get the money?
Shut up, Miller, I thought No one ever
asks those sorts of questions in cheap spy
thrillers like this one. But why was I being shown this? That's better.
"Get to work," said one of the
mestizos, laughing. I was being put on an
environmental destruction chain gang,
and not even my nose bomb could help
me now.
Nextissue—believe it or not—watchfor
the exciting, thrilling, on-the-edge-of-
your-seat- with-anticipation conclusion
to this by-now-quite-boring DikMiller™
tale of intrigue and adventure!
That's Trivial! Answers
1.
Oprah Winfrey
12.
Prince Nelson
2.
Linus van Pelt
13.
Rembrandt van Rijn
3.
Galileo Galilei
14.
Tycho Brahe
4.
Geraldo Rivera
15.
Charles Windsor-Mountbatten
5.
Groucho Marx
16.
William Bonney
6.
Knowlton Nash
17.
Cher Sarkisian
7.
Moon Unit Zappa
18.
Dante Alighieri
8.
Napoleon Buonaparte
19.
Wendy Thomas
9.
Roseanne Barr
20.
Michaelangelo Buonarroti
10.
Ringo Stan-
11.
Alice Liddell
Bonus Question: Karol Woityla
Senate Shorts
-by Orvin Lau-
There'saSenate meeting comingupsoon,
andl'd tell you about what's on its agenda,
butldon'tknowyet—I don't receive my
agenda package until the very same day
as this paper is printed. So I'll never be
able to tell you about everything coming
up: I can only talk about what's happened, in the article after the meeting.
One thing I can tell you is that
77ie432Corttest#3!
First Prize: Graphic Materials
from the UBC Bookstore
Second and Third Prizes: Science T-shirts
Qr*ce they said you couldn't go faster than the speed of sound,
Once they said you couldn't isolate genes* Once they said, if yon
sailed, around the world, you'd fall off,
How they tell us you can't travel faster than light, you can't
m$m$T a thrce-htmdred-cnetre-hith ant, you can't mai<e cold,
fusion in a test tube. Well, F&J432 doesn't believe Thetn,and this
Is your chance to provt Them all wet Until Friday, October 12th,
bring in your designs for perpetual rnotion machines, your schematics for turning: a human into a wolf, your algorithms for
trisecting the angle, or anything else that Big Science scoffs, to
CHEM t&t Well print the best, andaward prizes to the top three,
Andalwaysremernber: Science is created by thenutcases—
it's only t&difved by the intellectuals.
Student Senate Caucus, a meeting of all
the student senators put together, is
coming up. The motion we'll be debating
is to establish an ad hoc committee to
review the administration of teaching
evaluations. It has the support of the
AMS Student Council, and some of the
AMS executive will be attending the
meeting to show their support. It's an
open meeting — if you want, you can
come as well; and since the motion is at
the beginning of the meeting, you don't
have to stay around for all the boring
stuff. I encourage you to come, to show
your support, and get a taste of what it is
like to be a senator — perhaps it could
entice you to run for Senate yourself.
So where andwhen is this meeting? It'son Wednesday, October 10, 1990,
in Room 102 of the Law Building. The
time — 8:00 pm sharp, but you should
come a little bit earlier for seats. Our
meetings have a time limit of 10:30 pm,
unlike AMS Council's; in fact, Senate
politics is quite different than AMS
Council politics in general. See for yourself.
PS to those of you who took down my E-
mail address a month ago: It's no longer
valid. I can no longer accept E-mail.
Sorry.
Next issue: The fallout from the Senate
meeting.
OrvinLau, despite numerous encouragements, has yet to exclaim, "Booga booga
booga!" at a department head, but one
day we might indoctrinate him anyway.
The 432
October 3,1990 Get
Booked
Only
$4000
Cheap Thrills
Year
SAVE 50% ON DINING,
MOVIES, SPORTS, TRAVEL AND MORE.
Don't get left out. This limited edition of the year's best seller
is going quickly. There are hundreds of 2-foir-1 and 50%
offers to enjoy for a full year of food, fun and travel.
ci#ifeiinm£H<
Available now at Science Sales, room Chem 160!
-by Trent Hammer-
Here's a point-by-point run-down of the
September 19th AMS meeting.
•The Commerce Student Society,
Student Environment Centre, and First
Year Student Program's Constitutions
were accepted.
•Council decided to open the AMS
Used Bookstore in January to provide a
greater service to the students of UBC.
•Council appointed a new AMS
representative to the UBC Community
Recycling Group.
•Council sent the results of the
Barbeque General Meeting to Student
Court to decide their validity.
•Council sent John Lipscomb to
Student Court over a. possible conflict of
interest concerning the founding of the
Global Development Centre.
•Council opened nominations for
positions on the Recreation Facility Fee
Committee. This committee was struck
to ensure that the University's new $40
optional athletic recreation fee levy is
allocated in the interests of students.
•Council approved a poster design for the October 9-12 referendum to
increase AMS fees by $5.
•Council unanimously endorsed a
motion in Student Senate Caucus to establish an ad hoc Senate Committee on
administering teaching evaluations, and
requested the AMS President to write a
letter of support to Senate.
•Council supported CiTR' s music
policy. This motion stems from complaints that CiTR has played the song
"Welcome to the Terrordome" by the rap
group Public Enemy. This song is deemed
anti-semitic by some organizations.
CiTR's music policy is to play music to
inform and educate its audience by informing them of the content and meaning
-by Antonia Rozario-
By now most students are accustomed to
the boring humdrum activities of University living. Lineups for everything from
cafeteria food to toilets have become
commonplace.and euphoric joy will come
from finding a parking space. As finals
approach us, more and more people will
be forced to learn the meaning of an all-
nighter.
However, students cannot live by
academic endeavours alone. At some
point in our life, we will have to do
something more exciting than buying a
cookie or reading a vile Ubyssey. There
are many outiets for youthful exuberance, and here are a few of the best.
The Pit
Every Wednesday night, UBC holds its
infamous Pit Night. Students from all
walks of life douse on gallons of cheap
cologne and prepare for an evening of
dancing and social intercourse. Be
warned, though; people have been known
to stand in line for over three hours just to
enter the premises. During this time, it's
best to contemplate your chances of remaining in university. Mentally prepare
for your next day's lab and try to be
oblivious of the people around you.
Also, try and stay away from the
balding middle-aged men wearing lots of
AMS (Briefs
of songs before they play them, and by
using the songs as at platform to build
awareness of the bigotry, homofobia, anti-
semitism, sexism and overall screwed-up
views of some of the musicians in our
society. The policy allows the playing of
some "offensive" music but should in no
way imply that CiTR is fostering the
ideas expressed by the "artists" in the
music they play.
•Council passed a motion to publish a quarter-page ad in The Ubyssey
informing UBC students of the Ubyssey
editors' decision to pull apaid ad by UBC
Awards & Financial Aid announcing the
availability of the Rhodes Scholarship.
The ad was pulled because the editors
decided the scholarship was racist —
being in honour of the racist industrialist
Cecil Rhodes. I am incapable of forming
a true opinion on this issue because I have
been given little information on Rhodes'
actions or on the scholarship bearing his
name. Little has been said in The Ubyssey
of this issue because the "Student Newspaper" won't print it. If you want more
information about Rhodes, call the
Ubyssey office at 228-2301. For more
information about the scholarship call
Awards & Financial Aid at 228-5111.
There's an upcoming referendum, and it
is on two very important issues. The first
is about implementing an optional extended health plan for UBC students.
Through Mutual Life of Canada, the plan
would pay the following:
•80% coverage of prescription
drugs, including oral contraceptives;
•Medical costs associated with
sickness or injury, including, for example,
physiotherapy, speech therapy, or ambulance service;
•Medical appliances; and
•Out of province coverage.
The cost of the plan is $37.08 a
year, and will be renegotiated on an annual basis by the AMS. For more info
contact me here at SUS or Johanna Wickie
at 228-3092.
The second referendum issue is a $5
increase in your AMS fees. This is to
allow for inflation because AMS fees
have not been increased for a few years.
Currently the AMS has little leeway in its
budget for new initiatives or even old
ones, and the AMS budget committee is
hacking at everybody's budgets to stay
afloat when the costs are increasing. If
you have any disagreement on the need
for money, talk to any of the executive
and they can show you the need.
Remember to vote October 9-12.
Consult The Ubyssey for polling stations
and times.
Trent Hammer believes ithat Yahtzee is
an invention of Martian demon spawn.
He has frequent nightmares about dice
games taking over the world.
A STUDENT HAS 0NLY{
LITTLE TiriE TO SLEER
jewelry, and the underaged bubbleheads
who will try getting in with their sister's
ID.
Benny's Bagels
Located at the corner of Larch and West
Broadway, this is a popular social scene
with a lot of the older UBC students.
Everyone in here looks like they're in
Arts or on drugs. One of the best features
about Benny's is that it is open 24 hours
for your convenience. That way you can
lose sleep, gain weightand waste time, all
at once, throughout the whole day.
Sedgewick's "Aloha Deck"
This is by far the largest and most interesting social culture on campus. Red-
eyed individuals with cinnamon breath
and coffee-stained sweatshirts try hitting
on members of the opposite sex here.
Beware of strewn garbage and splotches
of barf left on vacant tables, though, as
these have been known to wreck clothes,
destroy textbooks, and wreak havoc
among the weak of heart.
Sleep
There is absolutely no social activity that
can match the gratification obtained from
a good night's sleep. Look for opportune
times to take a nap, such as on long bus
rides, during computer science classes, or
while studying for finals. Avoid, however, taking naps while studying for
MCAT's, driving a car, crossing a street,
or during organic chemistry labs.
Wreck Beach
This is a popular "hang-out" area for
students during the warmer seasons. Individuals have been known to skip classes
or call in sick to work just to enjoy the
scenery here. You musttake some special
precautions when coming here, though,
as there are some risks involved. For
instance, never sit by anyone wearing a
leather vest, never get a massage from a
naked stranger, and most importantly,
never come here alone!
UBC can be a wonderful place to get an
education as long as you allot time for
socializing. If you don't give yourself a
chance to enjoy extracurricular activities, you will eventually burn out or go
into Graduate Studies and you will be of
no use to anyone.
Antonia Rozario rarely follows her own
advice. Why, her idea of a perfect evening
is eating Benny's honeywheat bagels in a
Pit lineup, discussing Sedgewick social
mores with naked strangers.
HOST OF THE TIME
HE STUDIESil
The 432
October 3,1990 The Physics of Bungy Jumping
-by Richard Bae-
Ever contemplated suicide and wondered
what it would be like to jump off a building from the 15th floor, but were too
chicken to try it? Now, you can have the
opportunity and the same thrill but without the mess.
This summer, I had the chance to
do something few people have the nerve
or stupidity to do. Ten minutes south of
the Nanaimo ferry terminal, along the
Island highway, is North America's only
legal bungy jumping zone. To the naive
few out there who don't know what that
is, bungy jumping began in New Zealand
and basically consists of jumping off a
bridge with your ankles tied to a big
elastic rope called a bungy.
Earlier in the summer, I had read
an article about this "sport," telling stories of people bungy jumping out of hot
air balloons and off of 300-foot bridges in
Colorado holding onto 50-pound sandbags, letting them go when they smacked
into the river, and then flinging all the
way back up over the bridge by a good
fifteen feet. I said to myself, "Hey, that
looks like fun."
So when my brother came to me
and said, "We're leaving in five minutes
to go bungy jumping on the Island, wanna
come?" I packed up and left (even though
I should have been studying for the
MCAT). In all, five of us were going,
with four jumping. The fifth in our group
brought a camcorder along to record this
historic event for all posterity to see, or
for the 11 o'clock news should one of us
end up as fish food.
When we got to the Horseshoe
Bay ferry terminal, we saw we weren't
going to make it by the size of the lineup.
So we abandoned our car and ran onto the
ferry. Once there, we bummed a ride off
a guy who gladly offered us one in ex-
NOMINATION FORM FOR THE
SCIENCE UNDERGRADUATE SOCIETY
change for some smokes. He was moving
from Calgary to Victoria in a beat-up red
van with one of those tacky little heart-
shaped windows on the side.
An hour and a half later, we were
at Nanaimo and we all crammed into our
ride. Our host graciously offered us some
C.C. and turned up some classic Aeros-
mith fifty decibels above the pain threshold. We rode off the ferry and I had
butterflies in my stomach as the anticipation built (or was it the C.C.?). Soon, a
freshly-painted sign showed us the way
to our destination and we turned off the
highway.
We drove up the new gravel driveway and got out at the Bungy Zone. It had
been open for just seven days but business was brisk. I climbed out just in time
to see a really fat guy jump off the bridge
and disappear into the Nanaimo River
gorge, only to spring back up moments
later dripping wet. I thought to myself
that if the cord hadn't broken for him, I
would be fine.
We thanked our ride for the lift
and walked up to the trailer to get our
jump tickets. We all had to sign waivers
disclaiming any responsibility for injury
on their part should we smack into the
bridge on the way back up or something.
We forked over $95 each and got our
tickets—that's right, 95 bucks. We were
electronically weighed and had our
weights written on our hands.
We walked up the steep stairs to
the top of the bridge, which had been
specially made for throwing people off it.
There were two jumping platforms in the
middle which looked more like gangplanks. I looked over the railing and 140
feet down into the gorge to the river
below. It didn't look all that high.
The next person to jump was a guy
from Seattle. He stood at the edge, we all
gave him a countdown, and ... he stood
there some more. In all, he stood there for
15 minutes and eventually chickened out.
I was going to be the 582nd person to try
this, and on my jump ticket it said,
"ABSOLUTELY NO REFUNDS." Too
bad, bud. A girl from Calgary was up
there just watching but we managed to
convince her to try it (wasn't that awfully
nice of us?). My friends did their jumps
first and then it was my turn.
I sat down and the operator
wrapped a towel around my ankles. Then
he wrapped a nylon loop around them.
That was it No fancy rigging or nothing.
He looked at my weight and measured off
a length of bungy rope with a micrometer.
He attached the end to the nylon loop
with a steel ring and I was ready. I had to
do a little penguin shuffle to get on the
platform. Then I looked down. All of a
sudden it looked really high and I felt like
I was going to lose a load of bricks. I
vaguely listened to the operator as he told
me how to jump.
"And, by the way," he said, "don't
point your toes upward." Har har. Then it
was time. All the people on the bridge
gave me a countdown and I jumped.
The first few seconds were sheer
terror as my mind and stomach rebelled at
my stupidity. But after that, it was great
as the wind rushed past and the river got
closer. At the bottom, I hit the water and
then was flung violently back up towards
NAME OF CANDIDATE:	
YEAR: DEPARTMENT:
STUDENT NO.:
ADDRESS:
TELEPHONE NO.
I am aware of my nomination and willing to run for election for the
position of  _i.
We-', the
Society, n
jndersigned, bona fide members of the Science Undergraduate
nminate                  for the position of
5 ianature
name
student number
1
2
3
i
5
5
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
!
t
!
17
:              i
i
i
iel   !       !
the bridge. But I didn't hit it, and for the
next minute proceeded to be a human yoyo, until finally I stopped bouncing around
and was lowered to a raft waiting below.
That's it. I bought an official
jumper T-shirt for $20 and wore it proudly.
(Besides, my other clothing was soaking
wet.) I was now part of the exclusive
jump club. Physically, besides the adrenaline buzz I got, I was half an inch taller
for about 10 hours.
If you want my advice, wait until
it becomes cheaper before you jump. This
article should probably be retitled "The
Economics of Bungy Jumping," because
these guys have one hell of a gig going
(and I don't know a whole lot about
Physics). If you want more info, you can
phone the Bungy Hotline at (604)-755-
6728.
The video my friend took of us
was great. The footage of the party afterwards is far more entertaining, but that's
another story. Personally, I've become
addicted to freefall and the adrenaline
rush. My mom was not pleased when she
found out I had jumped. Wait until she
discovers I've joined the UBC Skydiving
Club.
The jolt of Richard Bae's jump damaged
several key points in his cranium, most
notably his long-term memory and pleasure/pain centre. To this day, he honestly
believes he enjoyed the experience.
MWTON DISCOVERS  GRAVITY!!
*
9S jiFj$* t c iSIC* E
SUS Council hijacks truck; photographer mowed down. Story at 11.
The 432
October 3,1990

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