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The 432 Jan 23, 1989

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 UBC hrrb^rc^ SprWi
Science Week Pullout Section - Page 3
SCIENCE   U.B.C.
NEWSPAPER
Volume 2, Number 8
THE NEWSPAPER FOR SCIENCE STUDENTS
-»* "   V.f!"^
—Plioto   by  Ted   Ross
SCIENTIFIC MARVEL which never got off the ground was this
rocket;to "Mars  or Bust"   built  by Science   Undergraduate
Society, and -carrying Arts  president-elect Mike Coleman.
In this issue
Credits	
Departmental Displays...6
Dik Miller 2
I.N. Stein 1
LabLafs 8
Protest..... .7
Puzzle 7
Puzzle Answers 8
Science History 1,2
Science Week Pullout 4
Sports Report 8
Uncle Rusty 7
(Void)
A Brief History of
the S.U.S.
Being a compendium of facts
found and tales told.
This week mark?: the 28th anniversary of
the Science Undergraduate Society, and
we thought that you might like to know
just what it is that makes your society the
way it is. Here are some facts from years
past.
1961: Feb. 3 - Science and Arts divorce.
A new faculty is born. The earth
shakes.
1962: Mar. 8 - After a year of growing
pains, the SUS Black Hand
embarks on its first major project, claiming "If they can make a
decaffeinated coffee that tastes
good, why can't they send a man
to Mars?" The project was
undertaken by Science students
Robert Goddard, Konstantin
Tsiolkovsky, and Wernher von
Braun.
Mar. 16 - The start of a great
tradition: the Science double
election. In the firstever Science
election irregularities forced a
recall.
Nov. 15 - After Science threatens to enter the Chariot Race,
both Engineering and Agriculture withdraw. Due to extreme
boredom in racing alone, Science also withdrew, allowing
the lesser faculties to race, and
besides the stadium track was
too narrow for three chariots.
1963: Oct. 30 - In their first ever Chariot
Race the Science team resoundingly defeats the Geers, Aggies
nowhere to be seen. The Geers
were none too happy, explaining
"We helped them build their
chariot after someone swiped
January 23,1989
parts of it Wednesday night!"
1964: As a Science Week stunt, le Main
Noir overturned an A-53 Austin
at the main gates using distress
flares to simulate belching
smoke. The effect was so impressive that the UBC fire and
police departments came out to
congratulate the pranksters.
With some quick thinking the
gang told them "We were just
emphasizing the extreme danger
of driving at this corner."
1965: Sept. 14 - Science becomes the
first faculty to publish an "anti-
calendar" - the Black and Blue
Review. Students were polled
on the effectiveness of courses,
considering the prof, syllabus,
and text. Not unusually, some
profs (the bad ones) bitched, but
a noticeable improvement was
discovered in their lectures.
Oct. 21 - The Chariot Race is
usually an amicable event where
rival faculties participate in
easygoing competition. But this
year the Geers were still sore
from the stinging defeat inflicted by Science two years
previously. Halfway through,
the race deteriorated into a
bruising free-for-all. However,
the antagonists (Geers) bit off
more than they could chew and
received the brunt of the damage. Science sent over a dozen
engineering participants to the
hospital, compared to the SUS's
one. In an act of valor the Geers
banned Science from future
races, opting instead to compete
against the tamer Aggies and
Foresters.
1966: Jan. 4 - Severe radiation exposure
from his Physics 115 lab caused
William Brommel to mutate
from a normal Science student
(see History, page 2)
,N1.  5TE1N     fcy   ^Qfe- CUfll
AND THtH , Af T£fc THE Crt£oT WftU. Cou-AR5£D
AND THE BUOOO   STARTED TO GO Sri OOT,.... Ns\\>
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NEVER     EAT    WITH    B10L0615TS
As I.N. STEIN is a copy written cartoon, if you wish to reproduce it you must
have written permission from the artist, Ken Otter. Contact through the 432. A WEEK TO REMEMBER
(History from page 1)
to an academically conscientious students. Symptoms of
genius also led to his triumph as
the winner of the Rhodes Scholarship for B.C.
Jan. 20 - 600 Science students
celebrated Science Week with
their first smoker, but gate
crashing mounties seized one
Ms. "Candy" Jones, the centre
of attraction, and charged her
with committing an indecent
act. Police also seized a projector but found no film.
Feb. 11 - The Black Hand designed the first ever human paperweight in the form of the
EUS vice president. Later improvements had the Geer bending over to provide a holder for a
pen.
1967: Jan. 19 - During Science Week
SUS buried a time capsule to be
opened in 2067. Unfortunately,
of those things buried "somewhere along main mall." Doug
Kenny, the then Dean of Arts,
was not included.
Oct. 6 - Those nasty boys in red
were taught a lesson by the test-
tubers in revenge for indignities
inflicted on the SUS first vice-
prez.
1968: Once again during Science Week
• a lusty celebration was held, and
once again it was crashed by the
cops. However, this time the
event was held in the recently
built Student Union Building's
party room. SUS execs denied
all knowledge of the event (as
they were leaving it), pointing
out that the room was booked by
the Young Businessman's Club.
A Science newspaper, The
Black Plague, was published.
1969: Nov. 12-14 - One small stunt for
Science, one giant prank for
Science kind. A drunked debauchery and car rally in the
form of a field trip to NASA HQ
in Florida, bagged Science with
a NASA flag. But not just any
NASA flag - this one came from
the mission conference and
briefing room. Now if we could
just find the guy who stole it
from us!
Dec. 3 - The decline. Science
president Ron Gilchrist, due to
lack of housing, moved into the
Science office with his girlfriend. Unfortunately, the hot
plate they cooked their meals on
started a fire which burned the
office. The Dean of Science was
none too pleased and the SUS
was shut down until 1972.
1973: Digimatic calculators capable
only of multiplication, division,
addition, and subtraction appeared. They cost $96.98.
The entire Science faculty was
placed in SUSpended animation
to ensure freshness. This procedure had been phased in starting
in 1969.
1981: Feb. 29 - The Dethaw. The Science faculty is taken out of
SUSpended animation. Wow.
Mar. 11 - Dave Frank, elected
as president, revived the Black
Hand, Science Chariot Races,
involvement in Science Sports
and incompetent presidencies.
Nov. 5 - Revived Science Chariot Race team comes in third.
1982: Feb. 19 - Mar. 16 - Science celebrated the 20th anniversary of its
first election by re-enacung it.
The event was otganized by
Horacio de la Cueva.
1983 - 1985: We asked someone who
was here (K.W.) but he says that
he was too drunk to remember
what happened. More Chariot
Races (we didn't win), more
beer, and all sorts of other such
events. The SUS also moved
from the Bio Sciences building
into the vast expanses of CPAX
(the old Home Ec building). We
acquired a lounge, offices, and
A POP MACHINE (yay).
1986: The first Science Handbook was
published. The reign of Ron
Teljeur reached its peak in the
Underground lounge, multiple
beer gardens, massive pop sales,
and lots and lots of T-shirts.
1987: February - Todd Abiett is elected
president and a new era of (gasp)
responsibility begins.
September - The SUS (the
second largest undergrad society on campus) moves from
CPAX to Scarfe 9, allowing 5.6
square inches (without windows) of office space for each
Science student. Vince Jiu and
Jean Guay build the framework
and foundation for The 432.
Controversy erupts over the
meaning of the name; Derek
Miller admits that it was simply
a random number generated by
his deranged imagination.
October - Academics
Committee (Sub-Council) begins operation, handing out the
inaugural Teaching Excellence
Award to Dr. Tiberiis.
November - The first annual
Science Lip Sync competition is
a roaring success. The 432 begins publication on the new SUS
IBM XT-compatible computer.
1988: January - The most successful
Science Week ever roars on with
the Science Mobile, blood drive,
trike race, and the big Wall
Street dance.
March - Science women and
men win the Intramural Sports
overall points competition (the
Geers demand a recount) under
the leadership of Sports Coordinator extraordinaire Stella
Wong (who wins both best
women's and best unit sports
coordinator). Claudio de los
Rios wins best Science Men's
overall athlete and is tanked by
the Black Hand later that day for
making Last Class Bash tickets
too CHEAP (50 cents a beer!).
A referendum is passed to raise
Science fees from $5 per student
to $ 10 per student starting in the
1989-90 school year.
September - Ari Giligson
publishes the first professionally printed and computer-typeset Student Guide. Sports gets
off to a bit of a slow start without
a coordinator for its first few
weeks.
October - The 432 acquires an
Apple Macintosh SE computer
to typeset more easily - of
course, even less room is available in the office.
November - Lip Sync takes
place again, and it is determined
that beer gardens will be left for
clubs to do (so that they can
generate funds without the
monopoly of the SUS), while the
Society runs only three large
social events during the year:
Lip Sync, the Science Week
dance, and the Last Class Bash.
January - Science Week
comes again. The SUS comes
back to full force, leaving others
far behind.
Dik Miller, Campus
Cowboy
My clock radio went off, as usual, at 6
A.M. One of my eyes snapped open and
looked at it caustically. The tinny
speaker blared something offensively
overproduced at me, and I cringed to
fend it off. I failed. I opened my other eye
and flung the covers from my bed,
swinging my legs and heaving my body
upwards so that I could stand and walk to
the bathroom. Unfortunately, my heave
was a bit violent, and I passed the point
of standing up and proceeded to topple
over forwards onto the floor.
Staring quietly at the floorboards, I
determined that this was not going to be
a good day. Eventually I rolled over,
stood, and did my usual morning ritual:
brush, excrete, wash, shave, eat, and
walk out to the car. As I slid into the front
seat, something nagged at me. I
shrugged and started the car.
As I passed Victoria and Hastings, I
realized what had been nagging me: my
usual morning ritual was brush, excrete,
wash, shave, eat, dress, and walk out to
the car. I turned the car around to go back
home and get some clothes. Scrabbling
up the front steps in my bare feet (how I
had not noticed the cold earlier, I don't
know), I fumbled for my keys.
Turning slowly to my car, I looked
past the locked driver's door to the key-
chain hanging, glinting, from the steering console. My spare keys were, of
course, in the house. The owners of the
building, who lived on the main floor,
were on vacation in Bhutan and
wouldn't be back for three weeks. I
decided to try breaking into my apartment to get my clothes and spare keys
and phone work in order to say that I
would be late.
Grabbing the bottom of the basement
window that led into my suite, I pushed.
I hadn' t opened it in all of the months that
I had lived there, and it looked as though
it hadn't been opened since the last
painting of the house, which seemed to
have been at least eleven years previously. I pushed. Nothing happened. I
braced my feet and pushed again. Nothing. Standing up, I took a couple of steps
back and ran, diving headlong at the
window.
Wham. It didn't budge and my head
hurt. In frustration, I grabbed a rock and
threw it at the window, which broke with
a satisfying crash. Now came the problem of getting in without slashing my
tender and cold campus cowboy skin.
The only way I could think of, with my
mind still numbed by the cold and the
early hour, was to stand back and dive
through the opening, hoping that I would
not touch the edges. I tried it, and, much
to my surprise, succeeded.
I had not, however, anticipated the
metre and a half drop to the floor of my
apartment.
Wham. My head hurt again.
I had also forgotten about my recently-installed burglar alarm system,
which was bleating plaintively and no
doubt calling the police at the very
moment. Not wanting to waste any more
time, I raced into my bedroom, grabbed
my clothes and spare keys, and left
through the back door. Getting into my
car and throwing the clothes aside, I
roared off, leaving the house for the
police to investigate.
I drove out along Hastings, made a
left, turned back onto First Avenue, and
headed towards UBC. I hoped that my
supervisor was in a nice mood. Since that
happened about once every score of
years or so, I was not optimistic. As I
drove under the Cambie St. Bridge and
stopped at a light, a large black van
pulled alongside. I stared ahead resolutely, knowing that as soon as I looked
at its driver, I would be in a race.
I quivered dangerously. It took a supreme effort of will, and my hands were
gripping the wheel tightly enough that I
was cutting of the circulation to my fingers. As the light changed, I breathed a
sigh of relief and glanced over briefly.
Bad move. The driver of the van
grinned at me and gunned the accelerator. I hit mine and the V8 power of my
souped-up, stripped-down, lean-mean-
quasi-machine royal blue Chevrolet
Bel-Air sent me flying off down towards
Granville Island. The street whipped by
as the speedometer pinned itself at the
120 mph mark. We weaved in and out of
traffic, neck and neck with each other. I
glared over at him, his toothy grin shining through his tinted driver's window.
My adrenalin pumped wildly as I surmised that this heathen was getting
ahead of me. I jammed the car into second gear in order to get some more
acceleration.
There was a deafening crunch and a
loud grinding sound. Bits of transmission cluttered the road behind me and the
van disappeared off over the horizon. I
was crestfallen, and now didn't have a
car to get to work in. I pulled the heap
over to the side of the road and opened
the door angrily, slamming it and storming off to find the nearest bus stop. This
was definitely not my day.
About an hour later, I hopped off the
bus into a large icy puddle out in front of
the Traffic and Security office on
Wesbrook Mall. Dragging myself up to
the front door, I pushed it open and
slumped down at my desk. Then I remembered that I hadn't dressed yet, and
that my clothes were back in the car near
False Creek. I had wondered why I had
been getting such odd looks on the bus.
I buried my face in my hands.
"Miller? Is that you?" It was my
supervisor's voice.
"Yes," I mumbled.
"Isn't this your day off?"
The 432 is produced on Lucifer the
Apple Macintosh SE and "The Beast"
the 60 MB hard drive with Microsoft
Word and Aldus Pagcmaker desktop
publishing software. It is printed in
Canada on genuine virgin newsprint. It
contributes to the depletion of Canadian forests, but docs contribute to the
B.C. cconomu. So it'sa mixed blessing.
The 432
January 23,1989 W       "K:3F   ifci      ft
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A supplement to
The 432 Science
Newspaper, Volume 2, Number 7.
January 23, 1989.
V Blood Donor Clinic
V Departmental Displays
V Chemistry Magic Show
V Comp Sci Car Rally
V Physsoc Paper Airplane
Contest
V Departmental Trike Race
V Biosoc Gyotaku (?)
V Wall Street - The Dance
V Tuition Fee Rally
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BIOSOC presents:
YOTAKU
(T-shirt fish prints)
Only 100 shirts will be printed!
Gyotaku is a Japanese art form using fish to make colourful
and detailed impressions.
$8.00 per custom printed shirt.
Help make your own design.
All proceeds will go to help fund oil spill cleanup efforts on
the west coast of Vancouver Island.
Monday, January 23
12:30-2:15pm in Biological Sciences
room 2341 (Invertebrate Zoology lab)
BIG PRIZES: CASH!
CSSS   /   SUS
CAR    RALLY
~^p/tr
Wednesday JAN 25th
Starting at 5:45pm in CSCI 203
The   rally   is   open   to   all   science   students
Entry  fee   is  only   $4
Entry   forms   are   available   at   CSSS   (Computer   Science   203A)   or
SUS   (Scarfe   9)
Entrants   must   register   by      Tuesday   January   24th
INFO:      228   -   3033
2nd  ANNUAL
SCIENCE
TRICYCLE   RACE
FRIDAY JAN. 27th
12:30 - 1:30
SUB
PLAZA
TEAM OF 6> 4 undergrads, 1 grad, 1 prol (lecturer or stall). Minimum ot 1 female and 1 male per
team (co-rec).
COST: S30 per team — each team member receives a t-shirt
REGISTRATION: SCARFE room 9 (228-4235) Jan 10 - 25lh.    Maximum of 30 teams   — register early!
All proceeds go to the childrons hospital.
The Annual
CMEMIIIOTmY
MOW
Once again, as part of Science Week, the
Chemistry Magic Show is being held.
Wflnsir©? Chemistry 150
Wion? Tuesday, January 24th, 11:30am
۩stl?FREE!
So come out and see why Chemistry can be
fun. There will be flashes, loud noises, explosions, and - who knows? - you could actually
learn something.
Due to the popularity of this event, please arrive early, as seating is limited. <-* if-
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U.B.C. S.U.B.
LOUNG, TABLES AREA
STUDENT UNION BUILDING
TUESDAY,  JANUARY 24, 1989 10:00
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 1989 10:00
THURSDAY, JANUARY 26, 1989 10:00
«  FRIDAY,   JANUARY 27, 1989 10:00
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Co-sponsor:
Science Undergraduate
Society
4:00
4:00
4:00
4:00
TH0R TAN 26 »
Working Together
SUPPORT RED CROSS SERVICES WITH A DONATION TO UNITED WAY
.    for we
S.U.S./R6D CROSS CAfit
WHIZES AVA^DED'^
t>^TAUCJE    OF    t=UCr«T
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JOIN THE THOUSANDS:
You WILL have an impact:
TUITION FEE
HIKE
PROTEST
Faculty Club
from 11:30am on
THURSDAY, JANUARY 26th
Studemts Opposed to Tuition Fee
Hikes
SCIENCE STtS»E»TS MEET
AT HEBB THEATRE IMF
There IS something YOU can do.
WALL STREET
THE     DANCE
S.U.B. Ballroom
Friday, January 27th? 198:
7:30P.M.
Tickets S6.0© - available i
>.U.B. B'
1 (across from Edibles)
Draft Bzzr $1.00
Psy tier
Hahbawls
$1.50
$1.50
Bottled Bzzr...$1.50
Smiles FREE
hi
1 ■ JJJ1W ■
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Science Sales Science Sales Science Sales Science Sales
PAPER SALE
Looseleaf lined paper is again available
on campus at far below Bookstore prices:
$lo2(D) per p&dk
(2(D)(0) slh@@(ts/pai(slk)
Come to Scarfe 9 from
10:30-3:30. Sponsored
by the S.U.S.
Science Sales Science Sales Science Sales Science Sales
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Paper Airplane
Contest — Rules
and Regulations
FORMAT, SCORING, AND
PRIZES
1. The contest consists of two categories;
open and closed.
2. Each category will include three
events: accuracy, distance, and time of
flight.
3. Points will be awarded for each event
and prizes given for best aircraft in
each event and overall champion in
each category.
4. Any contestant can enter one aircraft
in each category. Changes to the aircraft are illegal and will result in disqualification of the participant from
the category.
OPEN CATEGORY REGULATIONS
1. Any paper product(paper, cardboard,
etc.) is allowed in the aircraft.
2. Adhesives, such as string, glue, or tape
are allowed for structural purposes
only. Glue or tape used as weights or
for any purpose other than holding
pieces together will result in disqualification of the aircraft
3. No metals, woods, or other non-paper
products are allowed in the aircraft( no
rubber bands).
4. The aircraft number should be prominently displayed on the aircraft
5. Painting or decoration of the aircraft is
encouraged and bonus points towards
overall champion or prizes may be
awarded to deserving aircraft based on
the opinion of the judges.
6. Decisions of the judges for aircraft
eligibility are final and no appeals will
be considered.
7. Back up aircraft may be used to replace disqualified aircraft before
competition begins but only one aircraft is allowed int the competition per
entrant, for all three events.
CLOSED CATEGORY REGULATIONS
1. Entrants will be provided with an
official piece of 8.5 X 11 inch paper at
the beginning of the competition and
allowed 5 minutes to construct their
aircraft.
2. The entire piece of paper must be
included in the aircraft which must
complete the competition without
falling apart.
Monday to Friday, January 23-27, 1989
Ess,
Sweatshirts (4 colours) $18
Sweat pants $20
T-shirts: S.U.D.S. $8
"Science Holds the Power" $8
Einstein $8
Windbreakers $40
Leather melton Varsity jackets $145
Mugs 2 for $10
Blue all-melton jackets (sizes 36 & 38 only) $19
Car window stickers
Sale
$15
$18
$7
$2
$7
$35
$140
$8
$15
$1.00 $0.50
(Prices do not in-
&%. elude sales tax.)
See our table this week in the SUB
concourse around noon at departmental displays.
Regular location: Scarfe 9 (downstairs)
3. The aircraft nunibei liiusl be eiiluely
visible without disassembling the
aircraft.
4. The official logo must be partially
visible and recognizable as such
without disassembling the aircraft.
5. Changes to the aircraft are allowed
only in the initial 5 minutes building
time.
6. Decisions of the judges as to eligibility are final.
THE ACCURACY EVENT
1. Contestants will be allowed a certain
number of launches of two bull's
eyes.
2. Points will be awarded for aircraft
stopping in the bull's eye.
3.Bonus points and certificates will be
awarded to all contestants who succeed in hitting the guest "targets" in
the centre of the bulls eye.
4. The launch site is located at a higher
altitude than the target.
DISTANCE EVENT
1. Points will be awarded for the distance an aircraft flies in a given direction.
2. The aircraft must land within given
sidelines.
3.Striking walls or ceilings disqualifies
a flight. This applies to all three
events.
4. The ground below the flight will
slope up and away from the launch
site.
TIME OF FLIGHT EVENT
1. Aircraft will be launched from a
raised launch site and timed until
striking an object, be it a floor, ceiling, wall, desk or spectator.
2. Spectators deliberately interfering
with flights will be asked to leave and
reflights may be granted.
3. The decisions of the judges are, in all
cases, final.
NOTE: the aircraft must be recognizable as such — No paper balls allowed!
Departmental Displays and Stuff
Many of the 18 Science departments
will be putting on displays in the SUB
concourse on Monday and Tuesday.
We've received some idea of what is to
come from a couple of departments The
rest will have to come as a surprise
(wink, wink).
PHYSSOC
The Physics Society will be demonstrating high temperature superconductivity on January 23 and 24, between 10
A.M. and 2 P.M. Many people have
talked about how this dynamic field of
scientific endeavour will change our
lives. Come and see for yourself what all
the excitement is about.
Also, Physsoc is always looking for
new members; join our society - it's a
great deal of fun.
Peter Braeuer
Tobin Tanaka
n
mm
wimifs
All Microbiology
grads, under-
grads, and profs.
7=12 PM
Tickets: $7 from 3rd
and 4th year Microbiology students.
Free food
Special "test tubes"
Cash bar
M §h® WfunxsotLowsir
The
Post-
Rally
Bombast
Bash
After the Comp
Sci Car Rally,
come on down to
the CS3 office and
chug a few cold
ones (except for
the driver, of
course).
More details at the rally.
BIOSOC
Yes, we're having stuffed birds,
skulls, bones (ooh, morbid), tapes and
slides of birds, mammals, as well as
plant displays, a diving response respiratory experiment, and weird fly mutations under a microscope. Info on new
Biology programs will also be around. A WEEK TO REMEMBER
How Observant Are
You?
by Russ Monger
One requirement of science is the
possession of a keen sense of observation. The following quiz may provide an
indication of your level of observation or
maybe it will only indicate youre mastery of trivia. And then again, maybe
science is trivial.
1. Does a STOP sign have six or eight
sides?
2. Which two letters do not appear on the
telephone dial?
3. Do you flip a light switch up or down
to turn it on?
4. What is on the back of the (new)
Canadian two dollar bill? The fifty?
5. In textbooks, are the odd-numbered
pages on the left or on the right hand
side?
6. On a turntable, does a record turn
clockwise or counterclockwise?
7. On a Canadian nickel, does the
Queen' s lef t or right cheek face us? On
the dime? The penny?
8. When you walk, do your arms swing
with or against the rhythm of your
legs?
9. Is the red lens located at the top of a
traffic light or at the bottom?
10. Does a twist off beer cap twist clockwise or counterclockwise?
(answers on page)
The Deadlines for The 432 are:
February 1,15; March 1,15
The 432 is published by the Science Undergraduate Society of the
University of British Columbia,
located in room 9 of the Scarfe
Education Building, 2125 Main
Mall, Vancouver, B.C., Canada,
V6T1W5. Phone (604) 228-4235.
© 1988 SUS Publications.
Science Week Edition 1989, Volume 2, Number 8, published Monday, January 23,1989.
Editor: Derek K. Miller
Contributors: Russ Monger,
Gautam Lohia, Julie Memory,
Johan Stroman, Derek Miller, Allan Sharp, Ken Otter, Ari Giligson
Artists: Ken Otter, Adam, Peter
MacDougall
Photographic: Vince Jiu, Derek
Miller
Typing: Derek Miller, Ari
Giligson
Layout: Derek Miller
Distribution: Danny Lai, Derek
Miller
Printed by College Printers Ltd.
Meetings are held most Thursdays
in Scarfe room 1006. Check with
the Science office (Scarfe 9) to
confirm. We still need staff, as
always, particularly typists, photographers, and writers. We also
need an editor for next year.
Please come by.
We're Fed Up and
We're Not Going to
Take it Anymore
by Ari Giligson
Tuition fees-you know the story. It is
time for us to send a clear message to the
Board of Governors, the BC government
and the people of BC that the students of
UBC will not sit idly by while tuition
fees continue to rise. Thursday January
26th - Science Week Thursday - at 11:30
the Board of Governors meet at the
Faculty Club.
A big rally is planned. This is a call to
all science students-Undergrads, Graduates, even Profs. We will meet in front of
Hebb Theatre between 11:10-11:15pm
that day. At 11:15 we will walk to SUB
Plaza to join the other students. From
there we march to the Faculty Club.
Come and join us at Hebb theatre. Get
together with your friends and bring
banners and placards. Please call the
SUS office for more information 228-
4235.
Uncle Rusty
Dear UNCLE RUSTY,
Here's a great idea to play a trick on a
friend. First, get a piece of paper and
spell out "GEERS ARE QUEERS" or
whatever you want on the paper with
Comet or Ajax. Then you spray the
whole thing with Right Guard or English
Leather or anything that has stuff in it
that will burn, plus charcoal lighter and
lighter fluid, and then you slip the paper
under the guy' s door you want to play the
joke on and spray a stream of lighter
fluid to it (kind of like a liquid fuse) and
light it. The paper will blow up instantly,
and the Comet burns the "GEERS ARE
QUEERS" message into the floor so
good it never comes off. It even works on
concrete floors, like, say in a university
dorm or somehere. Try it. It works!
Sincerely,
GOOD SCIENCE IS GOOD ART
Dear GOOD SCIENCE,
And science gone bad is even better.
Sincerely,
UNCLE RUSTY
(The editor would like it noted that the
432 in no way condones arson,pyroma-
nia, or other generally mischievous
activities. So don't bug us, okay?)
Dear UNCL RUSSTY,
I have a problum, Next week mi girlfriend cums home from holeeday, but
whil she wus away I got a lobottomy. I
hide it well but Im afraid she will notice
(she is verry perseptive). What can I do?
Sined,
IFORGUT MI NAME
DearFORGUT,
You have a couple of options. You can
try to explain what happened, and if she
can accept it, fine. If not, then she wasn t
worth your trouble in the first place.
Your other alternative is to sit in the
corner of the house and hope that she
thinks you're a plant and that her boyfriend ran away on her.
By the way, was this lobotomy
volunrtary?
Sincerely,
UNCLE RUSTY
Dear 432,
While working in the genetics lab last
week, I successfully crossed a poison ivy
plant with a four-leaf clover. I'm not sure
what I've got, but lately I've had a rash
of good luck.
Jeff Shantz
Botany 4
Dear Jeff,
Normally, our editor would reply to
this sort of letter,but he groanedsomuch
reading it that he had to be taken to
hospital. I, having had more experience
with excruciating puns, have only one
thing to say:
That was really awful.
Sincerely,
UNCLE RUSTY
SCIENCE
VARSITY
JACKETS
Order now for delivery before Grad '89.
Blue melton body with white
leather sleeves.
Some Interesting
Facts
In Canada, on average, there are enough
spaces for 34.9% of grade 12 students to
go on to university. In B.C. there are
enough for 27% - the second-lowest in
Canada, next to Prince Edward Island,
which has 24.7%, but which is next to
Nova Scotia (the highest) 54.4% and
New Brunswick (34.9%). In order to
make up the difference, new universities
would need to be created to hold about
13,000 students.
Currently, the B.C. government supplies
about $1.00 per person to education in
the province.
The Cypress Bowl
Ski Blitz
When: February 2
Time: 8:30am-midnight
Where: Cypress Bowl
Cost: $40
Includes all-day lift pass, lunch, and dinner. Come out and
have a blast! Register now before space is gone!
LAB LAFG  &r/te4M
AAAAA A4U6 r-tf+'
The 432
January 23,1989 A WEEK TO REMEMBER
Sports Report
by Gautam Lohia, Sports Director
After half a year of Intramural Sports,
can we in Science still claim ourselves as
both Men's and Women's Intramural
Sports champions? Well, the women can
(as shown by the accompanying table),
but the men have fallen slightly and are
in second place right now. Last year we
surprised many people, including ourselves, by winning both titles. We can do
it again this year, but we will need a good
effort from all of you in Science.
For those of you who don't know, the
UBC Intramural Sports program provides a wide range of sports and sports-
related activities to students and staff at
UBC. The sports activities include runs
and cycle races, league sports such as
hockey, basketball, volleyball, soccer,
racquet tournaments in badminton,
squash, etc., and special events such as
the Arts '20 Relay and Storm the Wall.
Science competes in most events by
forming teams consisting of Science
students and through individual students
entering.
We have had a good first term in that
we have maintained the participation we
had last year, but we have a long way to
go and we have lots of room for improvement. Our goal is to increase student
participation in Science activities. We
want to make second term better than the
first, getting those students out who have
not participated yet. So if you haven't
played in an Intramural event, and would
like to get involved, or if you just have
some questions, visit Science Sports in
the Science Undergraduate Society office in the Scarfe Education Building,
room 9.
COMING EVENTS:
Frostbite Road Run (4.0/6.5km), Friday, Jan. 27 (Drop-in)
Pan American Badminton, Feb. 3,4
(register by Jan. 27)
Indoor Cricket II - Register individually in the SUS office or put your
own team together by Jan. 27
Cypress Bowl Ski Blitz - Over 40 Science students participated in the
Grouse Mountain Ski Challenge.
Many are going again to Cypress
Bowl on February 2 (a Thursday).
The event gives you all day skiing
at Cypress Bowl, lunch, dinner,
and party afterwards. You also
get to participate in a slalom-type
race. There are three categories:
novice, intermediate, and advanced. The fee is $40 per person
but we will rebate you 2/3, so you
pay less than $14! But you must
register NOW. The deadline is
January 27th.
Centipede Championship - Run a race
with several people connected to
you. Prizes for the zaniest costumes. Register by February 3rd.
STORM THE WALL
When: March 12-17
Where: On Campus
Register: Now until March 10
A team of a sprinter, swimmer, runner,
cyclist, and wall person get themselves over a twelve-foot wall. Competitive and just for fun teams.
WANTED
Fast runners, medium runners, and slow
runners for different speed teams for
THE CENTIPEDE
CHAMPIONSHIP
iign up in Scarfe 9 by February 3rd,
Observant Answers
(puzzle on page 7)
1. A stop sign is an octagon (8 sides).
2. The Q and Z do not appear on a
telephone dial.
3. You flip the switch up to turn it on.
4. A pair of Robins are on the back of the
two-dollar bill.
5. The odd-numbered pages are on the
right-hand side.
6. A turntable rotates clockwise.
7. The Queen's right cheek faces us on
the penny, nickel, and dime.
8. Your arms swing against the rhythm
of your legs.
9. The red lens is at the top of a traffic
light.
10. Twist the cap counterclockwise to
remove it.
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"VENGEANCE," RANG OUT the war cry of the black,and blue Thursday. Red-jacketed
engineers fled from the sciencemen, who turned out in droves to avenge indignities forced
on John Taylor, first vice-president of the science undergraduate society. Earlier, engineers
dressed him in red underwear and turned him loose. In revenge, the test tubers turned on
the peace-loving red horde. Amidst flame and smoke from fireworks and steam.from dry
ice, they dunked  any  luckless engineer  found near the library.
The 432
January 23,1989

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