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The 432 Nov 23, 1988

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UBC Archives Serial
Who is Crawford Kilian?
by Kyle R. Kirkwood
Without brutish violence, or unthinking jingoism, Crawford Kilian has
crafted an exciting SF adventure story in
Rogue Emperor ($5.50 from Del Rey
books). Kilian viciously assaults the
American fundamentalist church, without reverting to atheism or anti-religious
rhetoric.
This is the Vancouver author, columnist, and educator's best work to date. A
joy to read, it is obvious the writer took
as much delight in writing this work, as
you will reading it.
Sitting behind a fold-out table at
White Dwarf Books, Crawford Kilian
signs copies of his new book, the third in
his series, the Chronoplane Wars.
432: Can you tell us about your new
book, Rogue Emperor"?
Kilian: It's a fairly dull account of a
time-travelling spy who finds himself in
ancient Rome, witnessing the assassination of the Emperor Domitian by an antitank missile, in the middle of a gladito-
rial combat. It's part of a series of stories
in which early in the 21st century we
have discovered how to travel to what
amounts to series of parallel worlds,
which are very much like our own except
that they are at different points of history. A couple of them are more advanced in time than we are; most of them
are in our own past. And you travel back
in one of these worlds without changing
your own world's history, but you certainly change the subsequent history of
the world you arrive in. So in this world
there is a chronoplane, as I call it, which
is at the year A.D. 100, where the Roman
Empire is still going strong and where a
certain amount of limited trade is going
on between the 21st century and the
Romans, so diat the Roman courier service has bicycles, and flashlights are a big
item, so forth and so on.
I won't go into all the details of the plot,
but it deals with an attempt by militant, I
suppose you could say neo-Nazi Christians to hijack the Roman Empire and
Christianize it a couple of centuries
ahead of time. They have a bit of a
problem because they are anti-
Semitic, and that means they get
rid of most of the early Christians
as well because most of the early
Christians were Jewish. The job
my hero is stuck with is to try and
figure out what these guys are up
to, and stop them from doing it, or
at least delay them until his own
side can get adequate forces into
the 1st century to overthrow these
hijackers. So in one respect it's
kind of a straight historical novel
about what life was like in ancient
Rome, but it has been modified
with a certain amount of science
fiction element.
432: Reading the book is a lot of
fun. One gets the feeling you enjoyed writing it and doing the
research.
Kilian: Yes, indeed, very much
so. It was a great deal of fun to find
out —: I thought I knew a lot about
ancient Rome. I had read Gibbon
and this and that and so on. But
when I really got to do some concentrated research, I found a great
deal I had not known, and I was
struck by how much like our own
time ancient Rome was. Not that
they were decadent or anything,
but just that cultural forms are
very slow to change They had
gladitorial combats, we've got
hockey andRambo, which serve a
very similar function, which is to
give us a vicarious taste of violence. They built apartment buildings which were not very much
different from today's slums.
They had the problems of being a
large and fairly stable society,
being in effect not so much infiltrated
but gently invaded by people who
wanted a piece of the action. They are not
much differe™ from the barbarian inva*
sions, [which] were really more like the
people crossing the border from Mexico,
or trying to claim refugee status in Canada. Because this, you know, North
America, is an island of relative peace
and tranquility compared to the rest of
the world, and that's what Rome was if
Kilian autographing his work at White Dwarf Books on West 10th
PHOTO BY KYLE KIRKWOOD
In this issue
Academics 8
AMS Report.. 5
Christmas Exams... 2,5,6
Credits .....2
Dik Miller 2
Homophobia 5
I.N. Stein .....8
Interview 1
Puzzles. 2,5
Puzzle Answers 7
Science Past 2
Sports 8
Sun tanning 3
Technology... 8
Uncle Rusty... 6
Wack M. Good 7
Killer Whales 3
Letters 6 Interested in contributing?
LiP Sync .....A Meetings: Thursdays 12:30
 '""1 Check Scarfe 9 for location.
The Moon.
you were living in a barbarian tribe in
Germany, or southern Russia. So I was
really struck by these similarities.
432: In the novel itself, you at one point
refer to some of the early Christians as
antisocial terrorists. ... You had something to say about modern fundamentalists which is very strong too.
Kilian: The Romans certainly saw the
early Christians as a bunch of antisocial,
potentially subversive types. Anyone
who did not, in effect, go with Imperial
Law was seen as a socially threatening
sort of person. What I did then was to
concoct a modern fundamentalist group
who are — not, let me put it this way,
they are very much like a lot of fundamentalist groups except these guys were
violent.
432: What can you tell us about the
future of the Chronoplane Wars, and
Jerry Pierce?
Kilian: Rogue Emperor is the third of
the chronoplane boods, I am thnking
fairly seriously of probably one or two
more which would, I expect, follow
Pierce's career after he quits being a hit
man with the Agency for Intertemporal
Development. One might be set at the
Volume 2, Number
end of the cretaceous, with Pierce as a
witness to the extinction of the dinosaurs. Another might involve Pierce
discovering a chronoplane very close to
his own, probably sometime in the 70*s
or 80's, and in which he might find
himself actually having to deal with a
younger and very bloodthirsty version of
himself. Butwe will see if that develops,
that is still some years away. I got a new
book just underway and couple of other
projects after that so I won't be saying
hello to Jerry Pierce again for at least a
couple of years.
432: What are some of those other
projects?
Kilian: Well, the book I'm just getting
going on is a fantasy novel for Del Rey
books called Green Magic and it is just
under way.achapter or two done andl'm
working on the plot and so forth. After
that there is the possibility for a story set
in the present, but involving a three-
thousand year old man who looks about
twenty-five and dealing with the sort of
problems he runs into in his life.
See Kilian, page 2
November 23,1988
SCIENCE   U.B.C.
NEWSPAPER SPORTS - PAY UP OR DIE!
Kilian Speaks! Science PastH Dik Miller, Campus Cowboy
From page 1
432: You are also heavily involved in
the education of writers locally, what
sort of education other than learning how
to write does a writer need?
Kilian: I think what a writer mostly
needs is a sense of that writing, whether
it is an article or novel or short story is an
achievable act That you can in fact get
a book, or a story, or an article in to
saleable shape and then sell it. So many
writers stall out somewhere along the
line between idea and publication. What
I encourage them to think is that if you
keep going, if you keep pushing, you are
going to get a decent story and then you
get that decent story published. And it
has been really encouraging, in one
course I teach in article writing, to see
how many of my students do get published. I teach a course in marketing
commercial fiction which is enormous
fun to teach and I have seen a great
improvement in my students' writing.
We have not yet seen the same kinds of
publication success, which is understandable, if only that it is a much slower
process. But one of my students has
published a couple of novels. I wish I
could take more credit for it than I can
because she sold her first one before she
came into the course. But one of the
things you discover is that there are a lot
of very capable writers in the Vancouver
area, and it is really exciting to see what
they are up to.
432: Do you have any courses coming
up?
Kilian: In January I will be teaching a
course in magazine article writing again
at Capilano on Wednesday nights. And
in fall I'll be teaching that course and the
commercial fiction course as well.
The Deadlines for The 432 are:
Dec. 28; Jan. 11; Feb. 1,15; Mar.
1,15
4pm to Scarfe 9
The 432 is published biweekly by the Science Undergaduate Society of the University of British Columbia, located in room
9 of the Scarfe Education Building, 2125
MainMall, Vancouver, B.C., Canada V6T
1W5. Phone (604) 228-4235. © 1988 SUS
Publications.
Volume 2, Number 6, published Wednesday, November 23,1988.
Editor: Derek K. MiDer
Contributors: Russ Monger, Lorraine
Lewis, Kyle R. Kirkwood, Derek Miller,
Julie Memory, David Way, Julie Memory,
Allan Sharp, Ari Giligson, Ken Otter, Jennifer Hoar, Sulan Chong-Kit, Bernice
Lam
Artist: Ken Otter
Photographic: Eric Walker, Kyle Kirkwood, Derek Miller
Typing: Lorraine Lewis, Derek Miller,
Allan Sharp
Layout: Derek Miller, Alistair Calder
Distribution: Danny Lai
Printed by College Printers Ltd.
Meetings are held every Thursday at
12:30, usually inScarfe room 1006. Check
with Scarfe 9 to confirm. Layout and typing takes place from each deadline
Wednesday until the next Sunday. Please
come by and help out.
by Allan Sharp
Bishop Isadore of Seville had the
honour of being considered the foremost
scholar of his generation. However, as
he was living plumb smack in the middle
of the Dark Ages this was less of a
distinction that might otherwise have
been expected.
His main work, for which he was to be
remembered by future generations, was
his ambitious Etymologies, intended to
be an encyclopedia of everything known
by man, which was presumably composed sometime between his unknown
birthdate and his death. It was composed
by the simple method of writing down
every fact from every book he could find
(not a difficult feat in the Dark Ages) as
well as every story told to him by any
traveler he happened to talk to. Some of
his results follow:
"The Cynocephali are so called because
they have dogs' heads and their very
barking betrays them as beasts rather
than men. These are born in India. The
Cyclopes, too, hail from India, and they
are so named because they have a single
eye in the middle of their forehead..."
"The Blemmyes, born in Libya, are believed to be headless trunks, having
mouth and eyes and mouths in their
breast; others are born without necks,
with eyes in their shoulders..."
"They say the Panotii in Scythia have
ears so huge that that they cover the
whole body with them..."
"The race of the Sciopodes is said to live
in Ethiopia. They have one leg apiece,
and are of a marvelous swif mess, and in
summertime they lie on the ground on
their backs and are shaded by the greatness of their feet..."
"Other fabulous monstrosities of the
human race are said to exist but they do
not; they are imaginary."
Obviously a man who has done his research.
BIOSOC
BEAR AND
CEDAR
GARDEN
December 2,1988
H*30 Biological Sciences 2449
Meet biologists! We're a
cool bunch of people, you
know.
Beverages are just amazingly underpriced.
It was a sunny day. Cold, but sunny,
like lemon sherbet. Or maybe that was a
bad simile. Anyway, it was cold and
sunny - winter on the UBC campus. I was
cruising around in my souped-up, lean-
mean-patrolling-machine, royal blue
Traffic and Security Chevy Bel Air, with
the Ventures cranked on the stereo and
my sunglasses on. I had just come from
berating someone for trying to drive up
University Boulevard past Main Mall,
and was feeling good about it That disturbed me; I had not been with the Patrol
long, and already I was beginning to
enjoy embarrassing people. I should
watch myself, I thought
I was watching the endless trudge of
students from building to building when
I noticed something slighdy unusual: a
black-garbed form with a hat pulled low
over its eyes and carrying a violin case.
I would have dismissed this person as a
mere music student had there not been
one other detail picked out by my expert
former private eye's eye. (Did you getall
of that?)
The person was also carrying a rather
ominous looking black metal sphere
with a wick attached to it and was headed
towards the Chemistry building. I
parked, exited the car, and proceeded to
follow, scaling the steps to the third floor
close behind, but still out of view. I
peered around a corner just in time to see
the violin case disappear into a doorway.
I crept along, digging in my trenchcoat
for my Dik Miller™ Close View Corner
Periscope. I didn't find it, and had to
resort to peering around manually. Or
with my eyes, or whatever.
When I regained consciousness, I was
not where I was supposed to be. That is,
I was looking at the ceiling, and seeing as
I am normally standing up, this was not
where I was supposed to be. Hovering
over me was the dark fern af the per§8fl
I had been pursuing.
"Hello," it said. It was male.
I tried to reply politely, but someone
had rather inconveniently gagged my
mouth. I tried to sit up but quickly discovered that I was inconveniently bound
to some sort of table. This was a somewhat inconvenient situation.
"You," said the man, "must be Dik
Miller, Campus Cowboy."
My reputation had preceded me. No
doubt he had restrained me knowing of
my fearsome skills in karate, jiu-jitsu,
kendo, judo, and scrabble.
"It was much easier to knock you out
than I had anticipated," he said, grinning.
So much for that idea.
Who are you? I wondered. That
thought immediately set off a Who song
in my head, and I couldn't get rid of it.
"You must be wondering who I am,"
the man said, answering my unstated
question. The song would still not go
away. "Well, I'm not going to tell you."
The plot of this story was getting
nowhere, so I resolved to add some
excitement to it How I would do so, I
was not sure.
"Since you have discovered something about what I am doing, I'm afraid
I'm going to have to kill you."
That would about do for excitement
I knew nothing about what he was
doing, but I was in no position to tell him
so. He raised a gun and pointed it at my
face. I winced in anticipation.
At that very moment, the door burst
open and a flood of second-year students
piled in, carrying my assailant away and
pitching him through the lab window
and down to the liquid nitrogen tank
below. He hit with a dull "blut" sound.
One of the students looked at me, crazed,
ripped off my gag, and spoke.
"Is this where the Chem 230 Christmas exams are?!" he screamed.
"I don't think.."."
Another person yelled, "I found
them!" There was a tumultuous roar of
victory and the crowd piled out again.
The room was empty.
Seven hours later, I was rescued by the
janitorial staff. Traffic and Security was
wondering where I had been, but I
brushed it off as a "special assignment"
Another case closed for Dik Miller,
Campus Cowboy.
Next week: The horror of writer's
block!
Equation
Analysis Test
by Russ Monger
Each equation below contains the initials of words that will make it correct
Find the missing words. A score of 10 is
okay.
eg. 1)26 = L. of the A.
(Letters of the Alphabet)
2)6 = W.ofH.theE.
3)212 = D.atwhichW.B.
4) 3 = P. foraF.G. inF.
5)20 = Y.thatR.V.W.S.
6)101 = D.
7)50=§.inaM.
8) 5 = F. on each H.
9)40 = T.(withA.B.)
10)30 = D.H.S.,AJ.andN.
ll)l = D.ataT.
12) 16 = 0. in a P.
13)31 = I.C.F.atBJl.
14) 2 = T.D. (and a P. in a P.T.)
15)13 = C.inaS.
16) 20,000 = L.U. in the S.
17)9 = I.inaB.G.
18) 36 = I. in a Y.
(Answers on p. 7)
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The 432
November 23,1988 SPORTS - PAY UP OR DIE!
Baby
Whale!
by Derek K. Miller
No doubt you have by now heard of
the little event we had on Sunday, November 13, down at the Vancouver
Aquarium. Yes, it's true: Bjossa the killer whale had a baby, in the midst of a
crowd of 1000 cheering spectators. It
weighs about 100 kg and is, according to
John Ford, Curator of Marine Mammals
at the Aquarium, most likely female.
Blood tests to determine sex and whether
the father is 22-year old Hyak - the most
likely candidate - or 13-year old Finna,
will be performed when the young whale
has stabilized in its nursing and swimming behaviour. Both males mated with
Bjossa last year, and killer whale gestation is normally 16 to 17 months long.
The calf, as yet unnamed, is one of
four living captive-bora whales. In total,
there have been nine successful births
and three stillbirths of killer whales in
captivity worldwide. The oldest living
captive-born orca turned three September 26th at Sea World in Florida. Most
recently, another whale was born at Sea
World San Diego September 23rd, and
yet another has been reported in the USA
in the past month, but Aquarium staff
were unable to provide details as to
where.
According to the official press release,
Bjossa was suspected to be pregnant
several months ago, when blood tests
showed abnormal hormone levels and
she began to lose her streamlined shape.
Lately she had been rather moody and
had been sulking occasionally on the
south side of the killer whale pool. The
first evidence of the birth was recorded
about 12:30 Sunday afternoon, when
flukes were seen projecting from
Bjossa's body, but a visitor reported
noticing something unusual at noon. The
birth process took some two and a half
hours, culminating at 3:08 with the
complete release of the two-metre-long
calf, which was promptly pushed to the
surface for its first breath by Finna. The
whales vocalized extenstively immediately after the birth, but were silent for
some time after that. The baby is both
Bjossa's and Canada's first The placenta, ejected about 11:00 Sunday night,
weighed approximately 30 kg.
The baby tried nursing from Bjossa
within a few hours. It fed sporadically
for some 30 hours, which worried
Aquarium staff, since regular nursing
should commence within 24 hours. The
spectator stands and underwater viewing area were closed off, in case the
crowds were disrupting normal parental
bonding behaviour. During the second
night, nursing became quite regular,
usually taking place in ten-minute sessions, although on November 17 one
session lasted half an hour. When
nursing, the young whale clamps
its teeth onto one of Bjossa's
nipples, and milk is squirted (not
sucked, as in humans) into its
mouth. White Wings, the
Aquarium's 23-year old female
Pacific white-sided dolphin, has
been seen pushing the calf towards Bjossa's mammary area,
and Finna "points out" the area to
the calf from time to time.
The calf swims quite well, and
is often towed along in the tur-
blulence field generated in the
wake of the two adults. (Finna,
Bjossa, and White Wings swim
with the calf. Hyak is being kept
in the western pool to prevent
there being too many whales in
the pool at once while the baby is
adjusting.) It had its first bowel
movement on the night of November 16th. At the moment, the
characteristic white pathches on
the baby are stained an orange-
brown colour, probably by increased skin vascularization. The
colouration is normal and should
disappear with time.
Staff are monitoring the whales
constandy, both from the surface
and from underwater viewing, for any
strange behaviours and for feeding and
breathing frequency, mammary preference, swimming ability, and just because it's an interesting thing to do.
Talking to them, it seems a lot of them go
home only to sleep right now. The birth
was not entirely unexpected, but most
predictions were for it to take place
sometime around Christmas. John Ford
was even away at a cetacean conference
in California at the time.
Several years ago, the Aquarium had
the first captive birth of a Beluga whale
(which, incidentally, emerged head first
- quite an anomaly). Itiived four months.
Prospects for the new killer whale are
cautiously good, but the survival rate in
the wild is only 55 to 60% for the first six
months. Killer whale shows have been
temporarily cancelled, and the stands
and viewing areas will be closed for a
few days yet. The Aquarium would like
to allow people near the whales as soon
as possible, but caution must be exercised, and they ask for your understanding. Please feel free to visit, though. The
baby is still quite visible from the surface, and there are always the rest of the
spectacular displays in the building to
look at.
Tanning
by Ken Otter
I put forth that suntanning, a popular
summer pastime, is a behavioral trait
that is evolutionarily conserved from our
days as unicellular, prototrophic organisms. The need to "catch some rays" is
directly related to our ingrown, behav-
Last chance to order your
Science UBC leather melton jacket
for deliver/ before Christmas!
Sale price $135
Come in and try one on for size. Order name and
departmental badges, grad year numbers, nicknames, etc.
Come to Scarfe 9, downstairs, across from Edibles, especially at lunch time, before Friday, November 25th.
ioral need to photo-synthesize.
Using microscopic analysis, I have
seen that Euglena (a photosynthesiz-
ing micro-organism), in a mixture of
suntan lotion culture develops a chlorophyll configuration strikingly similar to a pair of Bermuda shorts. If the
suntan lotion concentration is increased, startling metamorphosis occurs. Lateral extensions develop on
the lower regions of the cell, allowing
the Euglena to move rapidly on the
surface of the mixture.
Also observed at high suntan lotion
concentrations is an irreversible mutation of the chromosome holding the r,
aand d genes as well as a tendency for
the flagella to establish a really gnarly
wave.
Itison theseobservationsthatlbase
my hypothesis. Therefore, when the
rain ends and the sun emerges (during
April exams), feel no guilt in abandoning studies to partake in some wholesome skin frying. It's not laziness or
apathy, it's merely your primordial
urge to photosynthesize that is overriding your urge to be a conscientious
student
Now, how's that for a good excuse?
The 432
November 23,1988 '^^f|V|^;
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v Jr.
"STr^t*
-*'s.
Left: Audrey's IV
(Stella Wong, Julie
Memory, Catherine
Rankel, and Deborah Rowley, left to
right) perform exotic
dental acts.
Mid-Left:   Derek
Miller plays his psycho guitar.
Right: The winning
Brain Tumours (Se-
bastien de Castell,
Derek Miller, and
Andrew Flostrand,
left to right) stand
before their Wall and
fling racial slurs at
the audience.
ERIC WALKER PHOTOS
Well, if you weren't there, you missed one nifty party. Eight teams of
pro-level lip syncers took the stage, each performing two numbers.
Those teams were, in order of performance: 4 Really Nice Guys from
Hell, Audrey's IV, Bitches from Hell, Facial Contortions, the
Lambdaettes, the Brain Tumours, GNO, and Modern English.
Guitars were smashed, bodies jiggled, chests slapped, and drinks
downed, and when all was sung and done, three teams came out on top.
They were the Brain Tumours, who won $400 for mutilating baby
dolls to the tune of Alice Cooper and for shooting members of the
audience to a violent Pink Floyd epic, Modern English, who took
home $300 for rapping and Melting With You, and Facial Contortions, who took $200 home all for himself for performing Bobby
McFerrin and Mick Jagger tunes.
Afterwards, the Chem grad student band the Free Radicals powered
away a dance which turned into a free interchange between Lip Sync
and the Psychology beach party next door. A helluva good time.
(Just in case you were wondering, yes, this reporting is a bit biased.
The editor of this paper was on the winning team. The fact that he is
editor has nothing whatsoever to do with him winning the contest
however. That was just raw talent.)
(He wrote this article too.)
Left: The Bitches
from Hell (Jennifer
Landels, Alana
Krider, and Deb
Budden), who had
by far the most
elaborate setup,
crank away.
Mid-Right: Facial
Contortions (Sam
Dulmage) tears into
Mick Jagger ,with
revolutionary fervor.
Right: Two of the
Four Really Nice
Guys from Hell
(Diane Doiron and
Claudio de los Rios
[in photo], Ari
Giligson and Scott
Davidson [out of
frame]).
-n.i&
The 432
November 23,1988 SPORTS - PAY UP OR DIE!
A Christmas Tale      Homophobe Invasion!
by Russ Monger
Well, this is the last issue of the 432
this year and so this issue could also be
considered the Christmas issue and this
here is the Christmas article. Some
people may think that November is a
little early to start celebrating Christmas,
but the major department stores had their
catalogues distributed weeks ago, so if
anybody is out of sync with the seasons
it must be us lowly consumers. Social
gatherings seem to be the item of the
season and so this little column is a story
about cocktail parlies and how nauseating some of them can actually get. (It is
also a sneaky way of me to present yet
another stupid quiz). It seems at every
cocktail party I have ever been to there is
always some sorority sister cheerleader
there that thinks everybody wants to play
a rousing hand of "Name Santa's nine
reindeer". Like, we really care. I'd
rather have a tequila shooter. Just when
this futile exercise is about ready to die
its long slow death, some pea brain
engineer nerd type person usually comes
up with "Hey, who knows all 7 dwarves". So now we gotta listen to this
drivel. This is a good opportunity to
blast a couple more double tequilashoot-
ers.
You might think this nonsense would
beoverbynow.butnooooo! There's always gonna be some puff-pastry bimbo
English major present that has her won
personal favourite version of a trivia
contest It's called, "Name the 15 most
often used punctuation marks". Yuk.
Two more tequila shooters coming up.
By now I'm starting to get really irritated, (real bombed), but since it's
Christmas I try to stay in a good mood
and try to think happier thoughts. Like
how happy I am that there isn't some
spaced out astronomy student present
with his "Name the 9 planets in order"
game. The rest of the room is debating
whether Neptune or Uranus is next to
Saturn, and I'm into about my 15th
shooter when it hits me: "Hey, this is
actually apretty good time". So I stagger
in to the living room and rattle off in rapid
succession the 21 main characters of the
Thimble Theater. Of course nobody can
understand my slurring or even wants to
get close to me for fear of getting fallen
on, but hey isn't that what Christmas is
all about, getting wasted? See you next
year, have a good Christmas and good
luck on your exams. Bye.
HERE ARE THE ANSWERS TO THE
SNEAKY QUIZ
1) Santa's nine reindeer are Dasher,
Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and of course
Rudolph.
2) The 7 dwarves are Happy, Sleepy,
Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc and
Bashful.
3) The 15 most common punctuations
are period, comma, colon, semicolon, question mark, exclamation
point, hyphen, dash, quotation mark,
apostrophe, parentheses, bracket,
brace, virgule(slash), and ellipsis
(series of 3 dots:), eg .,:;?!' —
-on {}/...
by Derek K.Miller
Walking through SUB in Thursday I
passed a notice board and noticed a
newspaper pinned to it. One of the articles was accompanied by a photo of
Burnaby MP Svend Robinson and the
headline THE END OF SVEND? I
thought this normal enough, being election time and all. I proceeded about my
business.
Passing the same board some minutes
later, I noticed something else: the main
headline. It read SODOMITE INVASION PLANNED FOR 1990. This was
a bit more intriguing, so I grabbed the
paper and read further. What I discovered astonished me somewhat
The paper is called the Life Gazette,
and is published in, of all places, S urrey.
It is, according to its publishing box,
"non partisan in politics and biblical in
religious perspective." Old Testament
would seem to be the order of the day, for
it is by far one of the most homophobic
and discriminatory publications I have
seen. Its entire outlook is summarized by
the caption on one of the photographs:
"Homosexuality is a crime against
humanity."
Although it would, at first sight, appear to be a simple religious paper, this
publication does not contain a single
article not dealing with putting down the
gay community. Content ranges from
statistics compiled from various sources
on gay sexual practices - which are, as far
as I am concerned, the gays' own business - to slamming the proposed 1990
Gay Games as unhealthy. It even goes so
far as to claim that homosexuals are 11
times more likely than heterosexuals to
become mass mraderas, as \i there, was
some relevance to the admittedly dubious statistic. Blacks in American ghettos
are also more likely to commit murder
than whites in affluent suburbs, but that
is not to say that blacks are inherently
more likely to commit murders than any
other group of people. Should we try
convincing blacks to colour their skin
white?
Homosexuals are not such by choice.
One would not normally choose a lifestyle that leads to ridicule and derision
from those such as the publishers of the
Life Gazette. Homosexuals I know have
been such for as long as they can remember, and some have even tried denying
their sexual preference to themselves. It
almost never works. One could no more
choose to be homosexual than one could
choose to be oriental. The Life Gazette' s
quest to "take measures to protect
[homosexuals] from any social or medical threat, using the legislative and judicial systems that were established of old
Christian principles of liberty with responsibility, not licentiousness" cannot
work. Nor should it. Homosexuality is
not, as the paper claims, an "evil lifestyle," any more than is heterosexuality
with birth control. Neither lifestyle, for
example, can produce children.
But I digress. Not being homosexual,
I have no right to attempt to defend
homosexuals. It is, again, none of my
business. What riles me about the Life
Gazette is that people can seriously believe the kind of hate-mongering it supports. Were the word "gay" replaced by
"Jew," "oriental," "native," "black," or
even "WASP," one could be sure that
many people would be up in arms. It also
saddens me that this kind of shoddy
mudslinging can find its way to publication. I do not suggest that the paper
should be censored; that would be a
violation of the freedom of the press. I do
hope that those who do read it will look
at it with skepticism and see it for the
discriminatory garbage it reaJJy i§.
The same issue of the Life Gazette
appeared on my doorstep last night,
probably because I live in Svend
Robinson's riding.
I tore it up.
4) In order starting from the sun, the nine
planets are Mercury, Venus, Earth,
Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto (Well, Pluto, Neptune
at the moment, but normally it's the
first way).
5) Popeye, Olive Oyl, Castor Oyl
(Olive's brother), Cole & Nana Oyl
(Olive's parents), Ham Gravy
(Olive's first boyfriend), Granny
(Olive's), Lil Granny (popeye's),
Poopdeck Pappy, Swee' pea, Brutus
(Bluto?), J. Wellington Wimpy,
Roughhouse (he runs the diner),
George W, Geezil (Wimpy's pal),
Professor O.G. Watasnozzle, Sea
Hag, Bernard (Sea Hag's vulture),
King Blozo, Bernice the Wiffle Hen,
Alice the Goon, and Eugene the Jeep.
There are also about another 35 or 40
lesser characters that have made brief
appearances.
The 432 is produced on an Apple
Macintosh SE computer using
Aldus Pagcmakcr and Microsoft
Word. It is printed in black ink on
paper culled from genuine Canadian trees, and contributes to the
depletion of our forests. Sorry
about that.
AMS Briefs
by Ari Giligson
Council meeting started at 6:30. Little did we
know that it would last until 10:40.
o First order of business was the creation of
the AMS Foundation, whose mandate is
to be a charitable organization in order to
solicit funds for scholarships and bursaries.
o Arts (AUS) was granted a $20 000 loan in
order to subsidise them until they get
their fees increased.
o After a long debate we decided to give
$1000 to aid in the search of Emerson
Dobrowsky as to be determined by his
parents.
o $194 000 was contributed to UBC daycare
to help subsidise student's childcare
costs.
o The grad students (GSS) asked for $100 in
reimbursment for their "Vote NO" campaign - they didn't get it.
o Bob Seeman actually said that he liked the
last issue of the Ubyssey - we checked to
see if he was running a fever.
o Andrew Hicks is sitting on the Provincial
Standing Commitee on S tudent Financial
Assistance. He would really like input
about student needs and problems as far
as Scholarships, Bursaries and Loans.
Get information to Andrew through the
AMS, or through me.
Leave me a message in the Science office or
at AMS box #148. SPORTS - PAY UP OR DIE!
Uncle Rusty
Dear UNCLE RUSTY,
I am in the throes of an anxiety attack.
Christmas exams are fast approaching
and I am so far behind in all my assignments and labs that I don't think I am
going to be able to finish them by the
deadline and still find the time to study
and even if I do find the time, I don't
think I have a complete set of notes to
work from. I have to complete my labs
to be permitted to write my finals but if
I don't study for them I will fail them
again and my parents are going to take
away my allowance and sell my BMW
and make me dye my hair back to its
original colour. This time they aren't
kidding. I just can't let this happen. Do
you know of any way I can pass my finals
without actually studying? Please help
me!
Sincerely,
RIDING THE BUS NEXT TERM
Dear RIDING THEBUS NEXT TERM,
One of the most important functions of a
university is to teach students to have
confidence in their abilities and to expand their repertoire of skills. Somewhere in this philosophy lies the notion
of creativity. If you use your imagination you may discover creative ways of
your own to pass exams. (Remember:
tuum est). To get you started, I will relate
a couple of tried and proven strategies
that have worked for others in the past.
Maybe these can inspire you to exercise
your own creativity and pass those finals. In the meantime try not to get too
excited, it restricts your thinking.
There was a person in the English
department that entered her final exam
theater being familiar with only one of
the two assigned readings for the course.
She knew absolutely nothing in regards
to question #1. She did not panic. She
reached for an exam booklet and on the
cover she wrote her name, her student
number and indicated that this was booklet 2. She then opened the exam booklet
and on the very first line she wrote..."and
that is how Ishmael came to grips with
his own reality and with that of the great
white whale". She skipped down a few
lines and wrote up a subheading "Question 2" and proceeded to write a first
class critique an The Great Gatsby, the
book she was more familiar with. At the
end of the sitting, she handed in the
single booklet and went home, feeling
quite confident. In about 2 weeks, she
received a Club Med postcard from her
professor.   It read:   "Dear ,  I
don't quite know how to tell you this. I
am very sorry but it appears that I have
misplaced your exam booklet #1. It is
possible that it was forgotten on the
plane, or maybe left on the beach. Regardless, what I would like to do, with
your permission of course, is to assign
you a letter grade based solely on the one
essay that I did read, which was actually
quite excellent Yours, Dr. ."
Of course it could happen that a student enters the Armouries and upon
reading the exam quickly discovers that
he knows absolutely nothing about any
of the material being examined. This
bleak situation is event more desperate
and requires an even more creative approach. Upon discovering that he had no
answers at all to the questions on his
Biology test, wasted no time in
getting right to work. He pulled out an
exam booklet and invested the 2 hour
period writing a nice letter to his mom,
who lived out of town. In the course of
his letter he apologized to her for not
writing earlier but, he went on to explain,
he had been very busy in the last couple
of weeks studying for afl important Biology exam. As a matter of fact it was only
due to the extent of his; familiarity with
that topic that he had the time now to pen
this letter. He told her ithat he was supr-
ised that he'd developed such a keen
interest in the subject, but that a great
deal of credit must go to his professor.
He described how Dr..,  was such
an excellent lecturer and how he presented even the most difficult of information in the most unconfusing manner.
He concluded his letter by stating that he
was seriously thinking of changing his
major to Biology in hopes that one day
he could do graduate work with this
fascinating man. At the end of the session, this student handed in the booklet
containing the letter to his mom and then
went back to his dorm and with the aid of
his notes he filled a second booklet with
answers to the final exaim. This booklet
he mailed away to his mother. A day or
two later his professor phoned and told
him that he could not ffind his exam but
that he had found a letter to his mother
stacked in with the othe* students papers.
The student confessed that he had finished his paper earlier th.an expected and
so wanting to utilize his time to the
fullest, had penned the letter to his mom
and by some accident must have mailed
the exam and turned in the letter. The
professor suggested that he phone his
mother and have her forward the unopened envelope containg the exam to
him as soon as it arrived. If the post mark
coincided with the date of the exam he
would mark it and award the student the
appropriate grade. This was agreeable to
the student, and he thanked the professor
very much and hung up the phone,
chuckling to himself.
I hope that these examples of how
other students have dealt with obstacles
in their daily lives will somehow inspire
to bring out the greatness in you and lend
itself to you not only during exams but
also later on in life when you may be
pressed to urgency in a similar manner.
Sincerely,
UNCLE RUSTY
P.S. For a guaranteed sure-fire method
of passing those exams, forward $2.00
anda self addressed stamped envelope to
Uncle Rusty, Scarfe 9.
Letters
Dear Editor,
Nuclear Physicists a few years ago made the
observation that when +w bosons collide
with -w bosons they "warp out of existence"
leaving no trace of energy or matter. Does
this not violate the Law of the Conservation
of Matter and Energy? This, in fact, undermines the entire premise on which physics is
based. Affirmative action should be taken.
The entire department should be transferred
to the Faculty of Arts, and renamed the Department of Bad Jokes and Good Bzzr.
Yours most utterly irrelevant,
D.A.F.
Faculty of Parapsycological Science,
Majoring in Minors.
Well, fine with me. Nuclear physicists are
essentially philosophers anyway, aren't
they? - Ed.
Dear Editor,
Could you please send me a transcript of the
television debate between Mulroney, Turner,
and Broadbent? You see, I'm in an isolated
partof the Vietnamese Jungle, andl'mstand-
ing on one of those trick mines that blow up
when you step off them. I've been standing
here since 1972, and I would just like to have
one more good laugh before I step off this
thing.
Sgt. Jeff Shantz
Ballistic 4
Dear Jeff,
You sure write a lot of letters from there,
don't you? The transcript is onits way. You
can expect to have it by 1995.
Letter to Editor: {Lva^spanvJrlctter by Jeff
Shantz, Nov 9 issue)
Dear Jeff,
You might think that a reason why a few of
my slides end up reversed or upside down is
that I sometimes have difficulty reading the
tiny print on the slide ss I hold it to the light
before loading the ctrousel (while being
distracted by thoughts of sea-monsters and
students knocking at my door...sometimes I
can't tell them apart), but the real reason is
that I want to stimulate your powers of observation: anyone can reai a standard slide and
forget it immediately whereas one which
requires special effor- will stick to your
memory. So there!
Paul H. LeBlond
Head of Oceanography
Dear Mr. Editor,
Recently while drinking coffee out of a styrofoam cup andreading the 4321 noticed akind
of black film on my hands. I didn't know
what it was so I tasted it and immediately
became ill. I concluded that it must be due to
the CFC fumes coming from my coffee mug.
I went to the kitchen to drink some milk and
found the milk carton and flourescent light
leaking PCB's all over my kitchen. So there
I was standing ankle deep in PCB's and
CFC's, my hands covered in lead, a giant
ozone hole forming above my house, my
milk was contaminated with artificial growth
hormones, the fumes from my dacron shirt
and pants giving me migraines and convulsions, unable to take aspirin because it comes
in a plastic bottle (plus I'm afraid of Reyes
Syndrome) and Tylenol is out of the question
because it may be poisoned, and acupuncture
is out because of AIDS. I don't trust the polls,
the summers are becoming unbearable due to
the burning of the Amazon forests, I'm not
even certain those whales have escaped the
ice yet and no w I read that camel hair brushes
are made from squirrels! What should I do?
Sincerely,
Indignant
Dear Indignant,
Well, there'snopointinkillingyourself. With
all those toxins, you should be dead in a little
while anyway. Good luck. - Ed.
The Editor, 432:
Thanks for mentioning our little red rag,
which is coming out again later this month. I
agree: it is fairly impressive, and it's going to
get better. The Red Menace was formed out
of frustration with the Ubyssey. A few mistakes were make regarding the Red Menace:
1. We're not strictly a constituency paper.
The Red Menace is open to any club or
individual wanting to contribute. Any
club that wants to have a page (more or
less) can have their stuff printed free, and
without interference from us. Contrast
with the Ubyssey: on November 7, the
Ubyssey had a 'little get together' where
all groups and clubs were invited to attend. In between sobs, Katherine Monk
defended the Ubyssey, and then pledged
aWHOLE2COLUMNS for the faculties
and 250 AMS clubs to use. About time:
after ignoring the piles of complaint letters they ignore, the hint was finally taken
(especially the special delivery made by
the Engineers on that glorious Friday.)
With the 432, The RedMenace, and other
existing or about to form papers, who the
hell needs an inch of text on the backpage
of the Ubyssey, printed at their descre-
tion? As for running $50,000 over
budget...
2. The Red Menace does not replace the
nEUSletter. We're happy to say that our
innocent, inoffensive little newsletter
will continue to brighten the weeks
of the Engineers.
3. The nEUSletter is most certainly
NOT pink. It is light RED as anyone
can see.
Thankyou,
John Paul Morrison,
Editor,
The Red Menace.
Salespeople Wanted for Science Sates
Earn credits towards any Science gear on commission basis. It's a great way to spend between-class
blocks and earn yourself a windbreaker, sweatpants, or even a Science UBC leather melton varsity
jacket. If interested, see David in Scarfe 9,12:30-1:30 weekdays or call 228-4235.
The 432
November 23,1988 SPORTS - PAY UP OR DIE!
Under a Full
Moon
by Russ Monger
The moonhas peculiar powers. Ithaslong
been understood by those who deal with the
public that there occurs a noticeable increase
in unusual or eccentric behaviour during the
time of a full moon. It appears that the fuller
the moon the more turbulent, excitable and
impressionable becomes the mind. Fire departments are aware of the relationship between a full moon and increased reports of
both fires and of false alarms and police
report more cases of drunkenness, thefts, and
wife beatings as well as increases in automobile accidents during the presence of a full
moon. During these periods, mental hospitals are forced to cope with increased restlessness among patients and surgeons experience a higher frequency of post-operative
haemorrhages. There is also a universal
belief that the physiological cycle of women
is linked with the moon. There is statistical
evidence confirming that the female cycle of
ovulation approximates the lunar month (the
term "menstruation" signifies "monthly").
There is suspicion, too, that the moon affects
uterine contractions resulting in reports of
unusually large numbers of births occurring
at the time when the moon is full. Notions of
moon madness are even subscribed to by
somepsychiatrists. The word "lunatic" itself
is derived from the Latin work "luna" meaning "moon".
Various other specie!, of the animal kingdom are also affected by the moon. A "lunar
periodicity" is observed in the movement of
fish in the sea and in the mating urges of
larger animals, including humans, which
also seem to be heightened during the waxing
of the moon. Lycanthropy, the fabled transformation of human into wolf, is also considered a form of lunacy or madness caused by
the moon. Of course, these observations do
not provide any solid scientific evidence, but
foe ceansriss. tbtK. has bsea. a. widespread.
belief that there is a very real connection
between oddities in the behaviour of humans
(as well as other animals and even some
plants) and the phases of the moon.
There is also an unending list of superstitions which are fairly widespread, in one
form or another, concerning the effects of the
moon. In many parts of the world it is
commonly believed that it is unlucky to point
at the full moon, or that a full moon on
Christmas day brings bad luck, but a full
moon on a Monday brings good luck. Another popular belief is that crops planted
under a full moon will flourish, but some
Native Canadians accept that if a full moon
occurs on Sunday no seed planted during that
month will grow. It is generally believed that
the weather of the day of the new moon will
be the predominate weather of the next 28
days. Others understand that if two moons
occur in single calendar month (especially-
May) there will be floods and other calamities or that rings around the moon mean
storms—the more rings the worse the storm.
New Englanders hold that kissing the first
person you meet after seeing the full moon
will cause a wish to come true. How is it
possible for something as innocent in appearance as our moon to be held responsible for
such phenomena?
There is at least one popular theory that
explains the effects of the full moon on the
psyche: the theory of "biological tides". We
all understand that tidal changes in the ocean
are due to the combined gravitational pulls of
the moon and the sun. Tides are highest when
the sun the Earth and the moon line up in a
single plane and this conSguration coincides
with a full moon. It has been hypothesized by
astrologers and even by some scientists that
the pull of the moon csin also cause small
tides in the fluids of the human body (and
other living organisms). These small biological tides are also most pronounced during
a full moon. In living organisms, body water
is maintained in equilibrium in three different locations: inside the cell, outside the cell
in tissue, and in the blood. It is theorized that
this fluid balance can be upset by the pull of
the moon, leading to an increase in water
. ipressureiaanyonaof these sites.Whenunder
Christmas isn'ttoo fair off. Finals are gonna hit you before you
know it. So why not get some presents for family and friends
while you still have the time? Or get ideas for gifts to you?
Most of our clothing is either "Science UBC" or has the
Science crest.
Sale prices in effect Nov. 14 - Dec. 24
Windbreakers $35
Sweat/study/goof-off pants       $18
Cardigans w/crest $35
Mugs 2 for $8
Varsity jackets $135 (must be ordered
by November 25)
(You could even leave this ad around the house as a hint to
your parents.)
increased pressure, water is re-absorbed into
the circulatory system, resulting in increased
blood volume and higher blood pressure.
This may explain incidents of excessive
bleeding during surgery and also may contribute to understanding spontaneous wild
behavior. When too much water accumulates in one place it also causes disruptions of
normal neurological functions andmetabolic
rates, which may lead to tension, depression
or nervous irritability, resulting in emotional
outburst Pre-menstrual disturbance experienced by some women is one familiar example of this. In the case of lycanthropy, it
was observed during the 17th century that
"lunatics" confined in hospitals and prisons
were triggered into episodes of maniacal
behavior more frequently during times of a
full moon. During these episodes certain
metabolic processes, such as beard growth,
are often accelerated. Simultaneous occurrence of rapid beard growth and wild behavior has had a great deal to do with the creation
and survival of werewolf legends in past
centuries.
Although behavior is noticeably altered
under a full moon it is not believed that
biological high tides are the actual cause.
They only make lunacy more likely to present itself, especially in persons predisposed
toward aberrant behavor or violence. In this
sense the biological high tide is only a stress
trigger and not a direct cause. It is only in the
last few years that scientists are beginning to
realize the influence the moon may have on
our everyday lives. It is indeed a unique
satellite in our solar system and fascination
with it is as old as mankind. If man is not
affected in some way by the other planets, the
Sun and the Moon, then he is the only thing
on Earth that isn't. Oh, by the way: tonight is
a full moon.
The All-New-And-
Improved, Turbo-
charged, Hypoaller-
genic Adventures of
Wack M. Good,
Metaphoric Spy-
For-Hire
by Sulan Chong-Kit
Warning: The following story contains episodes of prolonged and
graphic screaming. Parental guidance is suggested.
(Last month's plot summary: Wack M.
Good, secret agent of the Secret Undergraduate Service, is being sent to Egypt
to investigate the Egyptian Communist
Terrorists [ECT's].)
Wack sat down at a window seat in the
tail of the DC-10. Instead of trying to
recall all he had ever heard about the
ECT's, he cleared his mind with a martini and began talking to a beautiful girl
seated next to him.
"Hi," he said with a devastating smile.
"I'm Good. Wack M. Good."
"Hi," she replied with an interested
look. "My name's Helva Mamarie.
Please call me Helva."
They got to talking and Wack learned
that she was interested in Organic Chemistry. He found her ideas about radical
bonding quite fascinating.
Wack was so engrossed in what she
was saying that he failed to notice a very
peculiar man seated in front of him. This
man was unusual in that, in December,
he was dressed in a tie-dye shirt and cutoffs, and he was reading the new edition
of theOxfordEnglish Dictionary. Just as
Helva was describing pair-pair bonding,
this man was inconsiderate enough to
pull a gun out of his dictionary and
scream for everyone to freeze and shut
up, which quite ruined Wack and
Helva's conversation. Wack quickly
glaced around. He noticed that there
were two gunmen up front, two gunmen
at back, and that Helva Mamarie was
aptly named.
"Infidels! Sons of hyenas!" the hijacker in front of Wack screamed. "We
are Egyptian Communist Terrorists!
Today is the Seventh Holy Day, the Day
of Jerund! Only mushrooms are to be
eaten today - anyone who eats anything
else will die!" So all the passengers,
including the first-class passengers who
had paid extra for steak and prawns, ate
mushrooms. Wack wasn't too upset - he
only missed out on turkey schnitzel.
The terrorists also ate mushrooms and
drank wine. (Apparently it was alright to
drink wine on Jerund's Day, although
one was not allowed to drink Foster's
Lager. Wack could never figure out
why.) Drunk, the terrorists sang revolutionary songs: "Tue bee awr knot tue
bee, in forteen nintie toom, colum-
busaild the oshunblew."
Meanwhile, the ECT leader made his
way to the cockpit "Change course!
Change course!" he screamed at the pilot. "I don't want to go to Disneyland! I
want to go to Egypt!"
"But, sir, we are on course for Egypt,"
the pilot replied nervously.
"Dog!" the leader screamed. "Your
mother wears red jackets! Liar!" With
that he shot the pilot, who screamed
noisily and died, dripping blood all over
the floor.
The co-pilot quickly agreed to change
course for Egypt, and landed the plane
on the Egyptian desert. A convoy of
ECT's met them. The passengers rode to
their headquarters on camels. Wack did
not like this very much as it was blazing
hot, and the camels were humpy and
tended to go up and down a lot.
Will Wack M. Good survive the journey intact? Do you really want to find
out? Check out future issues of The
432 for more (or less).
Equation Answers
(Questions on p. 2)
1) 26 Letters of the Alphabet
2) 6 Wives of Henry the Eighth
3) 212 Degrees at which Water Boils
4) 3 Points for a Field Goal in
Football
5) 20 Years that Rip Van Winkle
Slept
6) 101 Damnations
7) 60 Seconds in a Minute
8) 5 Fingers on each Hand
9) 40 Thieves (with Ali Baba)
10) 30 Days Hath September, April,
June and November
11)1 Day at a Time
12) 16 Ounces in a Pound
13) 31 Ice Cream Flavours at Baskin
Robbins
14) 2 Turtle Doves (and a Partridge
in a Pear Tree)
15) 13 Cards in a Suit
16) 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
17) 9 Innings in a Baseball Game
18) 36 Inches in a Yard
The 432
November 23,1988 SPORTS - PAY UP OR DIE!
Major Mirrors I
by Lorraine Lewis
Dr. Paul Hickson of UBC's Astronomy
department wants to build one of the world's
first liquid mirror telescopes. The liquid in
the telescope is mercury, a highly reflective
element. Regular telescopes are made of
ground glass (glass is made from fused silica
- ie. sand). They are expensive and take a
long time to produce because glass mirrors
are finely ground by hand.
Currently the largest telescope available to
Canadian scientists is the Canada-France-
Hawaiian Telescope (CFHT) which is 3.6m
in diameter. It is located on the Hawaiian
islandMauna Kea, on a mountain 4200m up.
The incredible height and mountain shape
allow clear sky viewing almost all year
round. But to book time on this telescope you
need to submit a research proposal. Proposals are reviewed once every six months but
there is only sufficient telescope time available for about 1/3 of the proposals. If your
proposal is accepted you may only get 3 days
on the CFHT in a year.
Dr. Hickson's liquid mirror telescope has
several advantages. It could be set up in your
'backyard', and be available for viewing on
every clear night. Liquid telescopes can be
very large without the problems of weight
and distortion faced by glass telescopes. The
largest single glass piece telescope in the
world is the 6m telescope on Mount Semiro-
driki in the Russian Caucasus mountains. An
even larger 10m diameter telescope is being
labourously produced out of fitted 1.8m glass
segments in Hawaii. It's cost is enormous,
about $100 million, and is still 2-3 years
away from completion.
For only $1-2 million Dr. Hickson could
get a 10m (or larger) liquid telescope operating. He has been collaborating with his
colleague. Dr. E. Borra at the Laval University. Dr. Borra has already made a 1.5m
liquid mirror telescope that is fully functional
in the laboratory. To make a liquid mirror
telescope one pours liquid mercury onto a
roughly preshaped foam and fibreglass base
(this is hard but still light)- A pulley system
rotates this apparatus allowing the mercury
to spin out to the edges where it drops down
andsettlesintoaperfectparaboliccurve. The
layer of mercury is about 2mm thick and must
have accuracy to within a few millionths of
an inch. It is important to eliminate all
vibrations, so the surface of the liquid mercury mirror is not disturbed. (Disturbances
would mar the mirrors light reflecting and
focusing ability). Themirrorfloatsonalayer
of air produced by an air pump above a
platform. The platform is stabilized with
supports embedded in a concrete block. A
pulley around the base of the mirror is connected to a motor that is also embedded in
concrete to reduce vibration. (See the diagram).
A liquid mirror telescope can only "see"
straightup into the sky. It cannotbe tilted like
glass mirrors for obvious reasons - the mercury would run. To record what the telescope
sees an electronic detector is placed at the
mirror's focal point. UBC has already developed electronic detectors similar to that
which would be used in this project.  The
sensor is a CCD (charged coupled device)
and is a srriall silicon chip. (A CCD is about
the size of a postage stamp). This chip is
divided up into a grid of 'pixels' (for example 500X500 squares). Each pixel records
how many photons of light hit by emitting a
corresponding number of electrons. When a
photon of light hits a silicon crystal an electron is generated. The electron diffuses until
it is trapped and stored within a pixel (ie. a capacitor). At intervals the computer reads the
electrons; they travel down the wires interconnecting the pixel array into an amplifier.
This is the information that is relayed to a
computer which displays a - picture that
matches the optical image in the sky. The
heating produced by the electronic detector is
cooled by a liquid nitrogen system. Also, any
variability in the mirror's accuracy is compensated for by a corrector lens that sits
directly under the electronic device.
The liquid mirror telescope would generate an enormous amount of information. Dr.
Hickson is a computer whiz and is in the
process of designing computer programs that
could handle, sort through and junk some of
the 20,000 information bits per second that
would be collected.
This liquid telescope sees straight up (as
previously mentioned) and would survey the
strip of sky that passes overhead as the earth
rotates. Dr. Hickson is interested in observational cosmology - so the information derived from such a telescope would allow him
to survey and catalogue galaxies and other
phenomena. It is also possible to measure the
distances of galaxies by placing coloured
filters in front of the CCD on different days
but still observing the same strip of sky. This
allows one to obtain spectra of all the visible
objects in the sky and via complicated correlations measure the distances of galaxies.
Dr. Hickson and his graduate student
(Brad Gibson) are hoping to start building a
2m prototype liquid mirror telescope in April
with money from NSERC operating grants.
To make the telescope operable in the field it
would have to be set up away from the interference ef bright li~h:r on-eaYtfr. A dark sty
is needed to see the faint light produced by
distant galaxies, and this is difficult enough
with bright objects in the sky such as the
Milky Way. The telescope would be enclosed in a small building to protect it from
the environment (wind, rain). Ideally the
whole system could be run by remote control
from inside Dr. Hickson's office. At a press
of a button, the top of the building would
open up like a garage door, exposing the telescope; the motor would start rotating the
telescope so the mercury could settle out in to
its parabolic shape; and the electronic detector and computer could start collecting data.
Other features for this system would allow
the electronic detector to "see" clouds (ie. the
image is spread out more from less intense
electron scattering on to the pixels) and
would provide a signal for the system to
automatically shut down. Finally, when Dr.
Hickson wished to collect the data all he
would have to do is phone his computer.
(Talking to the universe by phone - just like
ET!).
Grouse Mtn. Ski Challenge
The event takes place January 19th at (surprise!) Grouse Mountain. Register now at
Scarfe 9. The first 35 entrants get T-shirts!
¥®<b° $4K§) p@ir pdirgotfi)
(pnGto§i[% jr®foatt®dl ffoo3 S©o®ot)©@ @0sJi®ir@)a
We've had the best participation for two years. We can do it again.
The Liquid Mirror Telescope
■p£tf*
UC-
I PWri :/ ;>> f rr- ■ ;--,-■■■ •%
i  J       !//CONQftg-tf-
ryerrsR
Academics
Senate and Board of Governors Nominations are Open. Be a t representative in
powerful University organizations.
Nominations close December 2nd. See
Scarfe 9 for more details.
Nominations have been received for this
term's Teaching Excellence Award. The
Academics Sub-Council is hard at work
evaluating the candidates. The nominees
are:
Dr. F. Taylor (Biology)
Dr. W. Ramey (Microbiology)
Dr. B. Sasry (Pharmacology)
Dx, B, Gorzalka (Psychology)
Dr. C. Orvig (Chemistry)
Evaluations will me made in the next
few weeks, and the award will be given
next term when information from next
term's nominees is processed.
The Academics Sub-Council meets
Thursdays at 5:30 in Scarfe Lounge.
432 Gnus
by Derek K. Miller, Editor
Apologies should go out to those who left the
editor of this rag messages in the past couple
of weeks. I didn't manage to get a hold of a
few of you, and some days ago I misplaced
' the slips containing your phone numbers. If
you tried to contact me and I didn't reply,
please drop by the Science office in Scarfe 9
(228-4235) or come to one of the Thursday
12:30 432 meetings.
Someone pointed out that some of the
editor's responses to letters in past issues
were taken from a B.C. Science Fiction
Association publication from the last V-Con
(Vancouver SF convention). Well, that's
quite true. The pamphlet is called Ask Mr.
Science and is very funny. I should have
mentioned it earlier; people might think that
I am wittier than I actually am.
This is the last issue of The 432 for the term.
The deadline for the first issue of the New
Year is December 28th - yes, that's during
the holidays. Also in the new year, a special
Science Week edition of the paper will be
produced January 23rd.
Good luck on exams, everyone.
I.N. STEIN ^,.r*,.
THE FA6CU\lr\Tet> MINb OF fK^TODYlUfc  STUDENT
The 432
November 23,1988

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