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The 432 Jan 17, 2006

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Array The Big Bad
SCIENCE
WEEK
2006
BR
Issue
THE PERRV BIBLE FELLOWSHIP N NICHOLAS GUREWITCH
WWW.THEPBF.COM  17th January 2006
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Three
SCIENCE OLYMPICS 2000
ARMSTRONG MAY HAVE THAT
YELLOW JACKET,
RUT NOTHING HEATS SPACE-TIME
JANUARY 27TH 2000 12PM-1PM
REGISTER YOUR CO-ED TEAMS OF 0 RY JAN 25TH
WWW.SUS.URC.CA FOR MORE RETAILS
SCIENCE MERCHANDISE
SHOW OFF YOUP SCIENCE SPipiT 0UPIN6 SCIENCE WEEK,
CA€,0{ OUT THE SMJ&S &DDTH FD£ M_L YDUt U&£Sa£N££ ESSENTIALS:
TPAVEL MUGS
T-SHIPTS
hoodies
TOQUES
SWEAT PANTS
JANETS
THE SALES BOOTH WILL BE IN THE SUB CONCOURSE FROM JAN 23-27
Tactics
Turn Dirty
as
Election
Looms
Andrew Provan
Politiking
With the federal election now
imminent, Canada's political
parties are struggling to get that
last strategic edge before Election Day on
January 23.
What was positive and self-focused campaigning by all parties before Christmas
has recently turned to negative ads attacking opposition and criticizing their policies. The Liberal and Conservative parties
have been exchanging blows via TV ads for
weeks now, criticizing each other mainly
for corruption and out-of-touch values
respectively. The NDP has so far opted
against TV advertisement on the principle
that it takes money away from social programs. The Bloc Party TV ads, while visually pleasing, are unfortunately in French
and therefore completely incomprehensible to this reporter.
The mud-slinging we have come to expect
from political parties prior to an election
reached new heights yesterday. Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper's house
in Calgary, Alberta, was reportedly egged
late on Sunday night with as many as 12
eggs. Liberal Party leader Paul Martin is
taking responsibility for the attack: "That'll
show him to question my policies on
national television," he said.
Critics say this attack is a final desperation
attempt by the Liberals to gain some
much-needed support. CBC political analyst Andy Gray stated, "They're trying to
win over the people with a funny cheap-
shot, but it won't work. If ten-year-olds
could vote, they might support the Liberals
on this account, but frankly, it's just not
funny."
Liberal political strategists, however, are
claiming this is a pre-meditated campaign
move that is perfectly timed to maximize
support. Harper made a statement in
response to the attack: "What Martin's
goons did to my house was not only immature, but wrong. There were baby chickens
in those eggs waiting to be born, and now
they're just yellow smattering on my
wall." NDP leader Jack Layton also commented on the attack: "That's typical of our
irresponsible Liberal government. The
money that bought those eggs could have
gone towards social programs... vote
NDP!" Martin retorted with the assertion
that the eggs were, in fact, stolen, and thus
did not waste money. Bloc leader Gilles
Duceppe gave a moving speech when
asked about the egg attack, but unfortunately this reporter didn't get a word of it.
Evidently, political tactics have become
dirtier as the election approaches. Whether
the strategy pays off is an entirely different
matter, one that will be answered on January 23. u)rtf\T -me waCs ^ ~\
IT'S ^H£t4 SC\6rtCG
^TODtriTS Cc<^e COT
To T>LAH   I
IT'S A WEEK LONG EVENT WHERE SCIENCE STUDENTS REPRESS THEIR
DOUBTS ABOUT THEIR FUTURE, DEGREE & NICHE m TOMORROW'S JOB-
MARKET BY INDULGING THEMSELVES IN THE SUS ORGANIZED FUN THAT
IS JELLO-WRESTLmG AND PUBLIC HUMnJATION OF THEIR EDUCATORSl
I
o>
D
2
I. dv..
fusion
^ big party~
ALCOHOL, NERDY SEXUAL
INNUENDO & A CLIMAX
INVOLVING f
^  SWOLLEN MEMBERS g0<i x hope ^
5
L
you're referring to-
*<" the bafttt...
^ \     VF   MOO U€£&  ftN
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NG£S  ftN   eXGOSe,..
^	
THE PERRy BIBLE FELLOWSHIP BK NICHOLAS 6UREWITCH
WWW.THEPBF.COM 17th January 2006
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Five
New Pokemon Red & Itchy
Expansion Cards
The new Pokemon Red & Itchy
Expansion set is here, for better or
worse! With over two dozen Disease
Pokemon, ranging from the fearsome HIV to the rarely-acknowledged Trichomoniasis, and with fifteen new and exciting Slut Pokemon,
ranging from the Pit-dwelling
PittStudd and PittStarlett to the globetrotting SnoopDoggOidGonBor,
this expansion set is a must-have for
all true Pokemon masters, young or
old. There's something for everyone,
from Dildor to Bukkaket!
ran't  catch,! SCIENCE WEEK
MONDAY
WEDNESDAY
TUESDAY
Ph>|Si66
???
Wednesday
Jan 25th
4-5pm
tWrmings 201
???
•     •     •
Squares
b<( Ph-jssot
•     •     •
Phfsits profs tr^ to
answer nutations
about the universe.
Do the^| Know the
world outside their
labs??
mojoR spoiisors of
KAPLAN
TEST PREP AND
ADMISSIONS 17th January 2006
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Seven
SHENANIGANS!
THURSDAY
Professor Talent Show:
12PM - 2PM @ Norm Theatre
What could be greater than watching your profs make
fools of themselves. Some will sing, some will dance,
some will read erotic poetry. Well, maybe...
Chemistry Magic Show:
1PM - 2PM @ Chemistry B150
Note the time change, it's a bit later today than on Tuesday.
Keynote Lecture:
6PM - 7PM @ Location TBA, Check the Website!
Former Dean of the Faculty of Science and UBCs new
VP Research Dr. John Hepburn talks to students about
research and all that jazz. Be sure to show up, we'll be
giving lots of prizes away...
Getting into Research:
6PM - 7PM @ wood 2
Put on by Sci Team and Science Advising if you've ever
thought about researching something sciency other than
for homework, come check it out.
eCTCWHITECASTLE
Thursday, January 26
jjCCpm, Annus 223
H)H AMISSION
SCIENCE OLYMPICS 2006
ARMSTRONG MAY HAVE THAT
YELLOW JACKET,
BUT NOTHING KEATS SPACE-TIME
JANUARY 27TH 2006 12PM-1PM
REGISTER YOUR COED TEAMS 0E (i BY JAN 25TII
WWW.SUS.URC.CA FOR MORE RETAILS
FRIDAY
FYC BBQ:
11AM - 2PM @ SUB South Plaza
Food.
Science Olympics:
1PM - 2 PM @ SUB South Plaza
These aren't the Special Olympics but they sure are...
well, special. Come watch as teams of Olympians from
all over campus battle for the gold medal... which in all
likelihood won't be gold at all.
Cold Fusion:
7:30PM - 11PM @ SUB Ballroom
It's our annual Science Week concert! Come wrap up
the week with Swollen Members, Sweatshop Union, &
DJK. There will be music and dancing and drinks...
*ahem* Tickets will be on sale at the SUS Booth in the
SUB all week.
Event times and Locations are subject to change. Find up to date
event info at www.sus.ubc.ca
The Littlest
Scavenger Hunt
Get stamps from the various locations
during Science Week and get a chance to
win a $100 gift certificate for the UBC
Bookstore! Drop off the finished sheet at
the Science Week booth by 5pm Friday,
January 27th, 2006.
Winners will be announced at Cold
Fusion! Don't forget to participate in the
actual Scavenger Hunt on Thursday, January 26th (12pm SUS lounge).
1. Go to the SUS lounge and Science
advising
2. Attend 2 major Science Week events
3. Bring 5 friends to the Science Week
booth
Name:	
Phone #:
Email:
SCIEnCE WEEK 2DD6
:\.JCelator
•##«^ Pharmaceuticals
E»    C    I    E:    N    C    & WIN
IPOD SHUFFLE
(UK §§2) ©ft ffl@®(n) @(fi) Tfouiradl®^ 17th January 2006
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
Page Nine
Hooray For Science Olympics
Forms!
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g Q Page Ten
THE FOUR THIRTY TWO
17th January 2006
THEORY:
"A WET T-SHIRT
IS A GOOD T-SHIRT"
Mafia Strikes Again
Count Stands At Three Balls, Two Strikes, Bases Loaded
1. One fifth (rounding down, to a
minimum of one) of all players
will be randomly selected as
Assassins. The same number of
persons will be selected in the
same fashion as Doctors and
Detectives. The remainder will be
Civilians.
a) An Assassin will know the
names of all other Assassins.
Tikewise, a Doctor will know all
other Doctors and a Detective
will know all other Detectives.
2. Each player must keep his/her
identity a secret.
3. Players who voluntarily reveal
his/her own identity to players
and non-players alike will be disqualified.
4. The names, not identities, of
all players will be made public.
5. Each round will be one week,
spanning from Saturday to Fri
day.
6. In each round:
a) Each Assassin notifies the
Editrix of one person he/she
wishes to Kill, providing such
details as how and where. The
location should preferable be
somewhere on campus. There are
no restrictions on who they may
or may not Kill.
b) Each Doctor and Detective
notifies the Editrix of who he/she
wishes to Save and Investigate,
respectively. Again, no restrictions.
c) If a Doctor Saves a person in
the same round as an Assassin's
Kill attempt on the same person,
the person lives.
d) If a Detective Investigates an
Assassin, his identity is revealed
to ONLY the Detective, and a
piece   of   information   (e.g.   a
weapon dropped, his/her figure
as seen, etc.) about the Assassin is
revealed on the SUS website (
http://www.sus.ubc.ca) and in
the forthcoming issue of The 432.
The victim does NOT live.
e) All players are encouraged to
accuse each other of being an
Assassin in the vilest manner possible, both on the eScience message board (login to
http://www.webct.ubc.ca and
click on eScience) and in public.
7. At the END of each round:
a) The details of the victims'
deaths and their identities will be
reported on the SUS website as
well as the forthcoming issue of
The 432.
b) A number equivalent to the
number of Assassins still known
to be on the loose (henceforth
known  as Number Y)  will be
voted off according to  a town
vote of the following manner:
i. Each player emails to the
Editrix the names of the people
they wish to vote off at
the432@gmail.com. The number
of names is to be the same as
Number Y.
ii. Players who receive the highest number of votes are Executed,
regardless of their identity.
- Their identities will be
revealed on the SUS website, as
well as in forthcoming issue of
The 432.
- They can no longer play, but
they can continue to speculate
and voice accusations on the
eScience board and in public.
8. The game will begin on the
first Saturday after Science Week.
9. The game will end when:
a) All Assassins have been Executed. All remaining players will
be declared Winners; or
b) All Civilians have been
Killed. The remaining Assassins
will be declared Winners; or
c) On the deadline of the last
issue of The 432, neither of the
above happens. The remaining
Assassin(s) who successfully
Killed the most players, the Doctors) who saved the most players
from Assassins, and the Detective^) who Investigated the most
number of Assassins are declared
Winners.
10. A random draw out of the
pool of Winners will receive
swanky prizes for being awesome
and lucky. Prizes may be given
out to players based on enthusiastic performance and accusations also. M-l
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o COLD FUSION
Featuring
SWOLLEN MEMBERS
SWEATSHOP UNION
DJ K
Sean Kearney @ 616.7124 for Tix

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