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UBC Publications

UBC Publications

The 432 Oct 8, 1998

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Array VOLUME   12   ISSUE
AUS Files Plagarism Suit
Against The 432
^mW >
:* «:;:
Craig Temple, president of the Science
Undergraduate Publications Society
and editor of The 432, was served
notice to appear in court to answer allegations that The 432 has plagiarized The
Underground. Sometime during the early
afternoon last Tuesday a strange looking
older gentleman came into the SUS office
in  Chemistry B160.  Behind Kirby was a
lawyer looking for the
editor of this paper.
When Craig raised his
hand the lawyer presented
for a large sum of money. Although, due to legal requirements, we cannot disclose the
full amount of the suit, it has put plans for "Science 98-99" on hold.
Attempts to reach Underground editor Mike Inwood in order to come to an out-of-
court settlement have failed as he was "unavailable." Investigative reporter Andrew
Martin was able to track him down. When entering the liquor store at 4th and Alma,
Andrew was asked by a youngster matching Mike's description if he could "boot" a
bottle of cheap tequila for Mike and his school friends.
In order to find out the truth behind these wild allegations, we at the paper interviewed many students and staff from all faculties.
■jTi—j-—-j -j rj-—r-i "Nobody can justifiably deny that The 432 and
IMODOUy Call  Deny tnai   The Underground are looking very similar late-
 ' ly," argued journalism student
year both of the papers had
with a summons to appear in court
in early November.
"And for with which that which you have
seen shall not forsake your rabbit!" Haw-
hawed our editor with a witty retort.
Afterward, when proper time was allotted
to sober up, the full seriousness of the
charges was realized. "I am shocked and
outraged," Craig exclaimed in a tirade, "this
kind of tyranny and oppression is inexcusable, intolerable, and insufferable!"
As illustrated by the legal documents, the
Arts Undergraduate Society is suing The 432
Are looking very similar lately
Stephen lum, journalism stud en
quote right under their title. Now look,
The Underground has its witty quote
embedded in the text of the major
cover article. Guess where The 432
has its quote now, right in the middle of the top article. This cannot be
a coincidence; it's impossible that there's no artistic plagiarism afoot."
After extensive interviewing, we found that there was a commonly held opinion that
there was indeed grounds for plagiarism. Our official stance on the matter is one of
complete innocence, and we will continue to conduct our own investigationinto the
matter in order to clear our name.
Although The 432 is at times satirical, we take the charge of plagerism very serious
ly. Allegations that we would
stoop so low as to steal directly
from another publication are
insulting. Only a completely
unoriginal and uncreative publication would do so, which, as all
432 readers will testify, is not the
case with this paper.
With individuals such as
Frenchy 'Matthieu' Maftei, who
are involved in both undergraduate societies, there is anopportu-
nity for some reconnissance to
occur. Also, when a rival paper
hits upon something that is
funny, there is a temptation to
mimic that in order to augment
your own work.
Perhaps Mike Inwood should
keep in mind, before launching
any drastic actions, that immi-
taion is the sincerest form of flattery. And also that no matter how
hard a paper may try to look like
its competition, the readers of
both publications can always tell
which of the two is original, and
which is trying to keep up. For
these reasons The 432 would
never immitate another publication, as it would be pointless.
by Duncan
Math Club Members
Arrested in Rookie Fiasco
School is in full swing, and now is the
time when all clubs and teams on campus have their initiations. Notable
events last week were the scores of
Mens Varsity Basketball and Volleyball
rookies running about the grounds of
the Student Union Building in nothing
but their sneakers, and later in the
week, the Women's dive team exhibition atop the 10m platform.
On Monday however, there was a
rookie night that went beyond the
good natured embarrassment that is
tolerated by the UBC community. The
Math Club held it's annual initiation of
its new members and events quickly
got out of control.
Seven to ten students in the
Department of Mathematics were herding the occupants of the SUB into various geometrical shapes in the main
"We responded to a call [Monday] and
arrived on-scene at 1632h," explained
Mst. Sgt. Mike Anderson, "we surveyed
the scene, and found several hostages
lined up and many of the assailants
screaming at them about perfect lines."
After a brief scuffle, four perpetrators
were arrested."
"They were ferocious," recalled victim
Holly Simmons, "there was lots of
shouting and threatening coming from
them. We were all very scarred after we
saw one person get savagely beaten for
'being an unfeeling bitch'."
We contacted somebody representing
the Math Club who would refer to himself only as "Binky".
"People don't understand us at all,"
said Binky, "most people fear us and
our passion as if it were some kind of
religious cult. Those who aren't afraid,
well, that's when accidents happen."
The RCMP is currently investigating
the involvement of other members. As
of yet three charges of assault have
been laid, and sanctions against the
Math Club are expected to follow. page two
The squirrels are out to get me.
The little bastards are every
where, chewing their nuts, scurrying back and forth, strutting around
like they own the god-damned university, and I'm beginning to think they do.
The squirrels and those little green
worms you run into all over the place.
They're on their way. I found out that
the worms are the pupa for the euro-
pean oak skeletonizing moth. It's still
gross when you sit down for class
behind some girl with a beehive hairdo
full of gel and wriggling green worms.
Through exhaustive research and
painstaking investigation, I have come
to the conclusion that Martha Piper,
and in fact the entire Board of
Governors, have been taking orders
from an outside power since the days of
David Strangway. Now I don't have to
explain what a flake he was.There is no
way these seemingly intelligent people
could make these brain-dead decisions
without being controlled by some outside influence.
Any way I've been mulling this startling revelation over for the past few
weeks, trying to figure out who would
have a vested interest in controlling the
major decisions of the University
Overlords. I came up with a few alternatives.
1. The Inter-Fraternal Council (I.EC)
It is common knowledge that the
University decided a few years ago to
phase out Frat row by not renewing the
leases to the land which all the fraternities' houses are built on. While they
have a motive, I came to the conclusion
that this bungling group of whiners
would never have the ability or gumption to pull off a conspiracy of this kind
of scale.
2. The Engineers.
Think about it. What better prank than
to take over the University
Administration and run this place into
the ground? Unfortunately, one trip to
the Cheese disproved this theory. The
people behind the conspiracy had to be
sharp witted, full of foresight, and most
importantly of all sober.   ^        I /
3. S.A.C. "*■"
While SAC does potentially have the
resources to take over the University, it
lacks the universal evil intelligence to
devise such a nefarious scheme. Can
you really picture Scott Moreshita as an
evil arch-villain? Maybe evil elf #3 in a
high school production of A
Midsummer Night's Dream.
4. The Canadian Campus Crusade for
At first this made perfect sense. They're
evil. They have money and mindless
followers to do the dirty work. Yes of
course the CCCC. Oh wait no. If they
were running the show, I would have
gotten the boot a long time ago. It was
such a relief to realize that I can still
pester, berate and harass the silly goof-
balls without fear of reprisal from the
powers that be.
5. The Women's Studies Office.
This is another one that at first makes
a great deal of sense. First the choice of
Martha Piper as the new University
president. Then the appointment of Dr.
Maria Klawe as Dean of Science. This
thought was much less disturbing than
the idea of the CCCC running the
show, though it makes one wonder
what happened to the male dominated
world of Academia of yesteryear. Good
riddance. Unfortunately the appointment of Barry McBride as New
Academic Vice-President and Uber-Dean
disproved the theory of a feminist conspiracy.
6. The Squirrels.
It's the perfect cover. Fuzzy little animals running around preparing for winter while secretly hatching a secret plan
to rend the University asunder, paving
the way for a glorious reclaiming of the
motherland. The University did used to
be a forested peninsula teeming with
such cutsey-wutsey woodland characters as Chip and Dale, Thumper and
maybe even Bambi. We've got one of
the little bastards in custody but he
won't talk. They're tough nuts to crack,
so to speak.
My money's on the New Taiwan
Generation, or as their club name reads
when translated from Chinese: "The New,
New Human Generation." Hmmm, sounds
a bit too much like The Fourth Reich, -ed
I'd like to begin with a retraction of an
article that I wrote in the first issue of
the paper. In the article titled "Your
Tax Dollars at Work," I wrote about my
Summer job. In it I used a fair bit of
hyperbole in describing what went on in
the offices where I worked. I tried to
exaggerate the fact that my job throughout the Summer was very enjoyable, and
that my co-workers were great people.
I mistakenly represented the people I
worked with, most notably my supervisor, as slack, unprofessional, and apathetic workers of questionable character.
This, however, is not true at all. In my
desire to make my job seem more
appealing and more humourous, I took
isolated and rare instances of
humourous situations or events, that
usually occurred after work, and made it
seem as if that was the daily norm. I sincerely apologise for any embarrassment
or offense that was caused by the article.
Aside from putting my foot in my
mouth right at the start, this year of The
432 has begun well. So far we've had
quite a few submissions and new writers/cartoonists. This is terrific, especially
since, as you've noticed, it's difficult to
be consistently funny every two weeks.
So, all the new blood we get writing for
the paper is nicely refreshing.
I'd like to stress once more that any submissions are greatly appreciated, and
stand a good chance of getting in the
paper. Should, for some reason a piece
not be printed, you can always feel free
to discuss why it wasn't published.
Rather than turn away potential contributors, the staff at the paper are always
happy to help someone improve and
become a regular contributor.
Especially welcome are new cartoonists.
Jake McKinlay has been faithfully creating his Rex Morgann - Pre-Med Hopeful
for over a year. Jake's a bit of an odd
number; you can be sitting in SUS and
look up and all of a sudden Jake's sitting
studying or drawing in the corner, and
has been for the past 3 hours. Nobody
ever sees him walk in, and nobody ever
sees him leave. If it wasn't for the very
high quality of his work, I'd suspect that
he and his drawings were a product of a
mass-hallucination of those of us in SUS.
Part of me thinks that he's one day
going to snap and tell all of us to go to
hell, and move to Australia, never to
draw a Rex panel again. Another part of
me thinks that Jake doesn't want to stop
drawing Rex, because he's as anxious to
see how Rex's university career turns out
as any of us. During the Summer when
Jake and I would discuss what I wanted
cartoon-wise for The Guide. —The discussions went a little like Jake: "What do
you want for The Guide!" Me: "Anything
you want." Jake: "How long should it
be?" Me: "As long as you'd like." etc—
During these discussions, Jake told me
that Rex meets a new girl, May, and that
he's anxious to see if they hit it off.
We'd both get really enthusiastic. It was
as if we were two lab rats queueing up in
front of a food pellet dispenser that is
the creative centre of Jake's brain. Jake
would get the pellet first and transform
it into something that the rest of the
world can appreciate, then pass it on to
me so I could distribute it out to everyone else. When I got the final product —
I've exited the rather forced metaphor
now— it was amazing, and I like to point
out that Jake did about as much work on
The Guide as I did.
The only new cartoonist we've had this
year is D. Myles McHugh. I don't know
about this guy, there's something suspicious about a person who doesn't have a
first name. We'll have to keep an eye on
him. Meanwhile, you can take a look at
the ad he created on page three.
You may be asking yourself what benefit does contributing to the paper have
for you. Well, I think you should come
into SUS and ask some of the staff. Jake
Gray usually drives to campus around
9:30 in his Official 432 Jeep Grand
Cherokee. Bree usually hangs out in SUS
listening to one of her CD's she got with
her $25,000 credit at the Virgin
Megastore. Miss Jenn scoots around on
her mint condition 1973 432 Vespa,
which is personally autographed by
Alphonse Vespa. And Jay likes to hang
out in SUS surfing around the lesbian
chat rooms with his 432 laptop, and
miniature sattelite modem.
Aside from the thousand dollar gifts I
throw at all the contributors, there is the
honour of getting your name emblazoned on the hallowed pages of The 432,
the admiration of your peers, and the
satisfaction of a job well done. Not to
mention that if you're around SUS on
production weekends, (every other
weekend including October 17-18) you
will get all of the free food and drink you
can ingest. I'm not talking about
Panagopoulos pizza, although that is
good, I mean the good stuff. The best
Greek food I've had in ages from Candia
Taverna on 10th and Sasamat, and the
ultimate in Thai food from Montri's Thai
House on Broadway and Alma. It's
restaurants like these that we order from,
and you can't be disappointed.
Well, now that I've established a nice
line of credit at Montri's and Candia
with those cheap plugs, I can get back to
the editorial.
In short, we want you to write for the
best and longest running (Science) newspaper on campus, and short of that, just
drop by SUS an say hello.
I hope you have as much fun reading
this issue in Math class, as I've had
putting it together.
Volume 12 Issue 3
8 OKTOBER 1998
© 1998 The Science Undergraduate j
Society of UBC. All rights reserved.
The 432 is the official newspaper of the|
Science Undergraduate Society, published^
fortnightly (v#eRty if you know where to)
look for the secret issues) by the Joint)
Grecian-Mongolian-Canadian University)
Publications Task Force. j
All opinions expressed herein are strictly
those of the individual writers and not
those of The 432 ox the Science Undergrad
Writers and cartoonists from all faculties
are encouraged to submit material to The
The 432 is copyrighted by The Science
Undergraduate Society of UBC and may
not be reproduced in whole or in part
without express written consent.
Craig Temple
Assistant Etftor
Jafce Gray
jakeg @ interchg.ubc.ca
Jite NfcKMay
Your iami ff« CPlaase}
His? Martin
irit! Sanfls
Lori Nelson
Breeome laitet5
J«m iarrtf
iaj lareia
j*« em
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0. Sites Mclaili
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page three
Rants from the SkaQueen
.*#*•" ~
This article is going to be a collection of complaints, because
according to all of my therapists,
complaining is a really good cure for
advanced systemic nymphomania.
Last night I was at the VooDoo Glow
Skulls concert at the Starfish Room.
Really hardcore Latin ska. All of the kids
there were wearing hooded sweatshirts.
I hate hoods. People who wear hoods
deserve to have those little string ties
that you use to make your hood tighter
hung from a clotheshook in a seedy
hotel bathroom and then tightened, so
they'd all die in what looked like a freak
mass auto-erotic asphyxiation accident.
That would be good.
I hate those damn wallet chains too.
Little wallet chains are good. Big wallet
chains are bad. There is really nothing
less appealing than a 9 year old Aaron
Carter lookalike wandering around with
a 6ft length of anchor chain hanging
from their scrawny waist. People that
wear wallet chains should have them
attached to passing trucks.
I hate the way that the crack being sold
on the streets these days is really shitty
quality. Back in the day, you used to be
able to ride that crystal rock high all the
way into the night. Not anymore, man,
not anymore.
I hate it when I'm doing my laundry
and when I bring all my clothes back
from the laundry room I drop a pair of
underwear in the hall. I never drop the
boring underwear. It's always the little
red pair. And it always appears on my
doorknob the next day. I hate to think
where it's been in the interim.
I hate those people who'll be walking to
the Skytrain and they'll hear one of the
trains coming, and they'll run like a
midget with a rabid monkey down their
pants. The goddamned trains run every
three minutes, so slow down for %A&*'s
I hate it when Jake Gray decides he's
going to build a bomb, and you know
there's nothing you or the authorities
can do it about.
I hate it when you're sitting around the
office talking about the good old days
and the first years start saying "Oh yeah,
that was classic" or they start telling the
stories. It's not like any of them were
there when it happened. Jesus. Kids
these days.
I hate trying to get blood of the walls. I
hate trying to pick the hair and bone
fragments off the end of the mallet even
more. Damn ex-boyfriends.
I hate it when some pig in the room
farts and refuses to admit it because then
you have to make sniffy motions with
your nose as if to say "Who did that foul
thing? Twas not me."
I hate surprise anal rape. Especially if it
involves Jake and the army of squirrels I
know he is mobilizing.
Bye bye, and watch out for squirrels
with wallet chains and hooded sweatshirts.
Miss. Jenn knows how to write; always
start with a sentence that makes the reader
want to continue, -ed
Day of the Longboat
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for more info
The Last Laugh
Hah! I laugh at the grey dreariness
of the season. Whilst most mere
mortals are quivering in fear and
ducking the wetness pissing on them
from the skies, hiding in their six-hundred dollar Patagonia jackets, I brazenly
run through the fall showers, despite
being soaked to the skin, oblivious to
this heavy fog that you people call rain.
Hey, where I'm from, this kind of weather would be a little teeny-tiny weather
system, a baby squall, looking up to its
hurricane and typhoon brethren, all the
while building up its strength from
secret equatorial latitudes, waiting for
the day that it could become a contender. You know, a real monsoon. A
deluge of Biblical proportions. So go
back to your little clusters of umbrellas
and your fusty-smelling galoshes and
stay away from the out-of-doors. Leave
this weather to those who can truly
appreciate the nuances of a gentle
autumnal spray. For not even the
thought of an early-season cold cannot
deter me from my daily external constitutionals!
I also laugh at the scurrying little minions  of this faulty  academic  system.
Look at you, scampering in terror at the
merest mention of your transcripts,
slaves to the rigour of the academic
clock. Oh no, poor me, midterms in
October! Finals until December 23rd,
how ever will I be able to survive? And
the application deadlines! Medical
School, Law School, Grad School, all due
so soon, whatever am I to do? Phaugh!
I laugh at your foolish antics, and spit on
your aspirations. I am undaunted in the
face of such pressure. I cannot crack, for
I am made of far sterner stuff. A
midterm tomorrow? Hah! All that
means is a leisurely review roughly a day
beforehand, supported with the appropriate cast of stimulants, endorphins,
and illegal pseudo-neurotransmitter
analogs washed down by copious Jolt,
backed up by a slightly less amphetamine-fuelled cursory look-over right
before the test, and I'm right as rain.
Well, not Vancouver rain, but you get
the idea. Medical School applications?
No hassle. A quick-and-dirty fill-in-the-
blanks job, followed up by a witty,
urbane essay highlighting the events in
my life, like the time I discovered a cure
for Hauffman-Dusseldorf Syndrome, led
a crack team of Navy Seals in an anti-terrorist siege in the Moldavian Embassy,
and earned a 4.5 GPA. All in one week.
So trouble me not with your trivial fears
of academic success, your whinging and
whining and your stress-based ailments,
for you are obviously made of lesser clay.
So what if my eyes are watery and my
nose is running? This isn't the stress
talking, it's just pneumonia, dammit!
Despite my affliction, I carry on,
I reserve a laugh, as well, for the Arts
Undergraduate Society, carrying on in
your comedic fashion. Oh, me, terribly
impressed I am by the fruits of your hard
labour. Your weekly affairs at Arts 200
have come to emulate the gender content of your average steel mill, and you
have the temerity to serve that watered-
down swill that you call lager. For
shame! At two dollars apiece, your constituency deserve something better than
love-in-a-canoe brew. And there is the
matter of that piece of unintelligent
boilerplate that you call The
Underground. I blow my mucally-
aggrieved nose on this rag, and deservedly so, given the quality of the material
therein. And whilst I am, somewhat distressingly, a fan of liberal, soft-hearted,
pro-feminist writings, this is no excuse
to let the agenda cloud the quality, nor
lead to the soft-headed twaddle, misplaced sentiment, and unexciting writing that graces the misspent two-colour
interiors.    I rant at all this, safe and
secure in the Science Undergrad office
and warmed by two shots of Tequila and
the heady comfort of several Tylenol 3's
for Cold and Flu.
And yes, I have saved a laugh for you
Arts students. Sheep, the lot of you. I
sneer at your navel-gazing twaddle and
your armchair proselytizing. What have
you to be so cheerful about? Do you
think that after six years pursuing your
degree in Medieval Agrarian Haegalian
Philosophy that your dull, dreary lives
will magically metamorphose into an
episode of Friends, where you can whine
and bitch and live in nice apartments
while looking good for the camera? Stop
being self-delusional and apply yourselves, weak-minded fools! Join a real
faculty, where you can use the most
bleeding-edge tools and methods to
break things or blow them apart, in the
name of greater knowledge! Prod the
fabric of reality, even if it doesn't like it.
Heck, especially if it doesn't like it. You
have to break a few dozen eggs to make
a halfway decent omelet, just like you
have to mutate a gross of sheep to get
one Dolly. Hah!
Now, if you'll excuse me, all this raving
has gotten me tired. I've got a midterm
to study for, several substances to abuse,
a head cold the size of Manhattan, and a
bottle of Tylenol-3 with my name on it. page four
We Apologise for this Apology
iW      llltiP
I would like to apologize. For everything. Ever. I once wrote that there
was a human rights commission at
APEC. Sorry. I said that doctors shouldn't self-prescribe. Whatever. I was under
the impression once that the Surrey
School board is on crack. No, wait, that's
true. I was reminded of this again last
month. Just in case you, my fellow
UBCers, have not seen a newspaper,
what with midterms on, I will fill you in.
Earl Marriott is a high school in South
Surrey. One of the things high school
kids these days do (besides sex) is smoke
cigarettes on school time. Why? Because
they are addicted. Why else would anyone inhale burring grass? I'm wandering
from my point. The Surrey School board
banned smoking on school property.
Ok, I can accept that. So the kids crossed
the road to smoke in a public park
owned by the City of White Rock to
smoke. So all is well and good. The
school board is happy, the kids get to
smoke their lungs to a crisp, and life
goes on. Then someone tosses a wrench
into the plans. "Ohh, let's ignore the
problem and stop the kids from smoking! Let's shut down the park!" Well
duh. Ignoring the problem has never
solved much. Don't teach kids about
sex, so they won't have sex. Don't tell
kids about drugs, and they won't do
them. Hum dee hum. I see that ignorance is still bliss in some circles.
I would also like to apologize for the
rain last week. I was concerned that my
trees were dying, so I called on my
buddy Ross, god of Vancouver Rain, to
send a bit of that wet stuff on down. It's
great having friends in high-up places.
Do you need a bit of extra help on that
midterm? Minnie, goddess of all things
brainy, can help you out. A well-placed
donation at any of the churches of Bree
(All copyrights intended) will allow you
full access to this diva. You'll pass, no
questions asked!
No, I don't have imaginary friends. All
my little buddies are real, somehow.
Some are caffeine induced hallucinations, some are feverish last-minute-
Craig-needs-this-article-now ideas. The
trolls who dance on the grassy knoll in
The Dead Pool
Pick 15 living people who are going to die before April
14th. Drop off your completed nomination forms any
time before November 1st at SUS. It's that easy.
Phone Number:
Tie breaker:
What number am I thinking of (0-9)?
the middle of the lunch-break are not
really frosh. There are elves who have
broken the heating controls in every science building on campus. For you see,
these elves are of the tropical variety,
and they get rather surly when they are
cold. And let's not forget those dear, dear
friends, the Campus Pour-ers. Those
wonderful ones help us to relax on
Friday nights.
I want to apologize for the invention of
cell phones. I wish that everyone would
take a class in cell phone etiquette. Rule
1: Turn the phone OFF before you go to
any class, lab, tutorial, movie, bus ride,
and so on. Rule 2: If you forget rule one,
do not answer and carry on a conversation. This is (a) rude and (b) obnoxious.
How would you feel if you were trying to
teach a class and there was someone
making an appointment with their hairdresser via cellular? It is also good to recognize the fact that the teachers to
indeed know who you are. Yeah.
The same thing goes for coffee. If one
more person orders a stupid half-fat low-
caf latte, I'll scream. What ever happened to a normal coffee? What kind of
a person decided to have ninety blends
or roasts (whatever you call it) of coffee?
It's not normal! A coffee bean is a coffee
bean is a coffee bean. It grows on the
coffee tree, and makes the coffee beverage. Doing much more to is not needed!
Ok, if you have to genetically engineer it
so that it produces more caffeine, I guess
I'll have to live with that. If you want to
order some fancy drink, why the "nonfat" moniker? So they'll use skim milk
and not the 2%. It's really not that much
milk. This whole worrying-about-what-
we-eat-thing is worse that what we eat,
these days. It's just all insane.
So, in my concluding paragraph, I'm
sorry for coffee, cell phones, rain, imaginary buddies, elves, beanie- babies,
Barney, Spice Girls, midterms, Math 200,
squirrels, the penis in every issue, David
Dukovney's leaving Vancouver, for misspelling David Dukovney's last name,
Bill Clinton's impending impeachment,
the tuition freeze, BC Ferries, trash TV
talk shows, anything to do with Jerry
Springer, this short article, and all other
things. Whatever.
One thing that Bree can't take credit for is
that damned Coriolis effect. Satan's most
stealthy trick, it's the epitome of pure evil, -ed
Dead Pool Update
Well surprise, surprise, surprise.
Leon Jang has taken an early
lead with his pick of Gene
Autry, movie cowboy and country music
star. Mr. Autry passed away early on the
morning of October 3rd. God bless his
I have a lot of entries already but keep
them coming. Get them in early because
of lot of geezers are teetering on the
edge. Remember your picks must not be
living impaired before your list is submitted. Good bets are: the Queen Mum,
Boris Yeltsin, and Ronald Reagan. Just
about every list I've received so far has
these three on it. Here's a hint; Darryl
Strawberry had the tumor removed and
is expected to make a full recovery.
If you need more help, or are simply a
sick little puppy, there are several sites
on the web dedicated to this kind pever-
sion. The best I've come across so far is
www.deadpool.com so give them a look.
Geezer Report
Kirby Sands
You have long been told to respect
you're elders. Well I'm elder. And
you puppies are about to get MY
point of view. Yes I'm old. I'm the guy
that you all look at in class like I'm an
old grad student surveying the class or
maybe I just wandered out of the home
and got lost. Fine. Well I've got to news
for you weeny little pissants. You all
think that you're so cool. Well cool was
first cool in the fifties. To fill you
in...here are the things that you think
you know but don't.
First how to dress. The bell bottoms,
and fake assed polyester big collar crap.
Get a grip. Disco sucked the first time
around and I know; I was there. God, if
you're going to look stupid at least be
original about it. Think about it, you
may not be dressing like you're parents
but instead you are dressing like their
parents. Way to go swifty. I realize as a
hatched in the eighties first year you're
trying to look older but dressing a
decade before you were born doesn't do
it. Baby t's. Quit it . Let disco die.
Please!!! And platform runners with five
inch heels... What is this a new way to
make the NBA. I hope that you think
they make you look taller. Wrong! They
just make you're brain look smaller.
When you wake up in the morning the
first thing you must say is "baaaaaaaa".
You're a sheep. The other one that I love
to hate is the huge over sized baggy-
assed boarder look. When you're shop
ping, do you bring your fattest Cartman
like friend and things that are too big for
his flabby ass, you buy? Sorry I could
care less what underwear you've got on
and against popular opinion the Crack of
you're ass is not attractive. Do you not
realize that your lips are so far up the
fashions industries ass you look like an
anteater with collagen injections.
So next time you try to make me feel
old remember, look in a mirror ....bin
der' done dat.
Speaking of re-treading the past listen to
today's music. The best thing the Stones
ever did was suing The Verve's talentless
asses. Now maybe bands will stop ripping off riffs and actually write music.
My prediction the next new wave will be
a cross between country and rap -call it
Crap. Music has gotten so lame since
Jimmy and Janis died. If you don't know
who they are move to the next station
and crank up your Z95. All of today's
stars are copycats. Seattle's Kurt Cobain-
Jimmy Hendrix. Shannon Hoon-Jim
Morrison. In TV, Chris Farley-Jim
Belushi. Maybe if they actually found
new actors with talent we could finally
fry Dan Ackroyd's career. OK my generation does apologize to you for him. At
least I'm not going to see Grease the
25th anniversary edition. What new
scenes could they have added to that
piece of cinematic genius since I first saw
it first and at the drive-in no less.
Travolta was at his best as Vinnie
And on that sour note-the Geezer's
gone. 10.8.98
page five
Science Council Elections
Vote in the Science Council Elections at any one of the
poll booths in the Chemistry, Biology, or Computer
Science buildings. Voting is 8:00AM to 4:32PM
Wednesday, Oktober 14 thru Friday, Oktober 16.
Biochem Rep
Hi everyone! This is just to let you all know that
Jason Elliott (that's me) is going to be your
Biochemistry Representative for Science
Council this year. I am in second year BioChem,
call Kamloops my home, at least when I'm not living in Totem! My interests include
street motorcycling and downhill skiing, as well as the unfortunately required interest in my courses! I am looking forward to representing the Biochemistry
Department in Council this year, so if you have any concerns or ideas regarding
Biochemistry, don't hesitate to come see me (come to SUS and they can tell you how
to find me). Vote in the elections!
Comp Sci Rep
Hey, I'm Jagmeet Dost.   I'm running for the 	
position of Computer Science Representative.
My qualifications include being President of the<
Adrenaline Child Foundation (also known as
Club Adrenaline) for the 97/98 school year, and being a Computer Science major. I
know the workings of political positions and I know the department for which I'd
like to be the representative. I know the job and have the skills needed to do it well.
I'm responsible and hardworking, and I'll always do my job the right way. Come
meet me in SUS. Then decide for yourself, and come out and vote for me as
Computer Science Rep.
  I've been mistaken for a CS grad student before.
That's how much time I've spent around the
department. Part of this is due to my eight
month stint as a co-op student in a research lab
in CICSR. I *know* the people of this department; they know who I am. What more
could you want in a department liaison? In addition, I represented undergrads at the
CS Department retreat last May, where we talked about everything from the busted
terminals in Rick's Lab to why they teach Scheme in first year.
<Ack, I've reached my word limit...>
No formal introduction necessary... My name is
Edrick Yu, and I am running for the position of
Computer Science Representative. Those of you'
who find my name familiar may recall that I was
an executive in SUS last year, and that I am currently an executive in at least two
other organizations in UBC right now.
If elected, I will represent all you fellow Computer Science students truthfully, and
I will make sure that all you fellows are well represented.
Let this fighting spirit goes on forever. Let's defeat all the ongoing injustices.
Vote Edrick Yu for Computer Science Representative.
First Year Rep
Hi Science (the smartest faculty in UBC)!!!
Want your first year to count? Tired of juggling
all those molecules and numbers? Looking for
someone who can represent YOU?
This is SLASH (Shailesh Sharan) here. I am running for the FIRST YEAR REP in the
Science Council Elections which is from Oct 14th (Wednesday) to 16th (Friday).
Myself: I am in first year Sciences, planning to continue in the field of Math or
Chem. I think I am a true JOKER (graduate of J.O.S.S) and I can guarantee you a
memorable first year (I'll give my best shot!!!) with all those "events" that would be
organized esp. for YOU.
If you want to have an awesome year (esp. your first one) at UBC, or help me contribute to our "KICK A**" faculty, then you know who to vote for.
Hope to make your year, a damn good one! Slash ("/")
My name is Reka Sztopa (pronounced rake-a as
in rake-a-leaf) and I'm running for the position^. " C*"*#*m«i«_
of First Year Rep. Q uZIOPa
I am running for this position because I enjoy
working with people and organizing events. Last year I was Co-President of my
Student Council, so I have plenty of experience to bring to the SUS.
Besides being involved in school related work, I enjoy dancing, theatre and adventurous outdoors stuff.
If you want to find out more about me, I'll probably be hanging out in the SUS during my breaks. Come in and find me and we can chat it up.
Other than that, just make sure that you go and cast your vote at a SUS ballot box
nearest you between October 14th and 16th (Wednesday through Friday).
General Officer
Hey yo! How is it going? Just in case you are
wondering who I am my name is Harpreet Gill,
but just call me Harp. I am one of your General^
Officers in the Science Council. Just to let you
know a bit more about myself I am a first year science student from east Vancouver.
My interests (academically) include biology and chemistry but no physics.... physics
and I don't get along at all. Otherwise, I am into just about anything that does not
involve math or physics. If you have any questions or if I could help you with something just give me a shout. I can usually be found in the Science Undergraduate
Society. Well that's about it so hope to see you all around and have a good year. Peace
and I'm out.
Howdy! I'm Natalie York and I am one of your
new G.O.'s, or General Officer, for the uninitiated. I'm a first year who's actually not doing
this to put it on my med-school application (I'm
hoping for a bright future in physics) and I plan
to make a heart felt attempt to get some work done for you. If you have any problems of a, well, general nature, feel free to come see me in SUS - Chem B160.
Pharmacology Rep
Hello. My name is Winco Wu. I am your new
pharmacology rep. Thanks for everyone's support. Please support your science council and
vote on Oct 14-16. Have an fun year and good
luck to all!
Physics Rep
Hi. I'm Mikey Boetzkes and I'm your Physics
Rep. Let me tell you about myself. I have a
ridge on my head (for my extraordinarily large
brain.) I like to drink beer (oops, I mean bzzr.)
Anyway, if you would like to get an insta-bzzr account or ask me for physics help
(correct results not guaranteed) or if you have a physical need that you would like
represented at the council meetings, I'm your man.
Science One Rep
Hi, my name is Janel Casey and I'm running for
Science  One  Representative  on  the  Science
Council. I'm a first year Totemite and proud of'
it. When Science One isn't busy running my life,
I enjoy sports and meeting new people. I don't bite; I'm actually quite friendly, so
come talk to me.
Don't forget to vote in the Science elections.
When you think Science One, do you think
weird little first-years running around with calculators, stressing out over bio and physics,
drilling holes in the walls of older UBC buildings to see if asbestos really is cancerous? I've
only been here for a month and I think you're right. And I'd like to represent these
people. So next time you think about Science One, think about me. My name is Julia
Haber and I'm in Science One, so have some compassion and just vote for me. Word
to your mother.
Hey everyone! SCIENCE elections are on! Vote
for VIREN THAKER as your SCIENCE ONE 1998-
1999 Rep on Science Council. Here's WHY:
1. Mandatory sci-1 ten minute breaks (I'll time
them if I have to!)
2. Request for less 3 hour tutorial labs in Term Two.
3. I'll try to find EXACTLY what we're supposed to be doing!
(Now that's a tough responsibility!)
4. Pizza Nights!  (Yes, Science One Survivors eat.)
5. Honest council representation.
6. [Mention of intoxicating substances avoided here.]
I have tons of council experience, leadership abilities, and I'm not crazy!   VOTE
Jay Garcia page six
Thing Make Andy Mad, Andy Kill
Here comes the sun...damnit, I
don't want to get up yet. I
don't have to get up yet do I? I
put in a Hard day's night Yesterday. I
feel like I've ran Across the universe
or Something. Well, dreams and reality have to Come together at some
point, and that sometime is now. My
fine dream that I am the Walrus starting a Revolution Back in the USSR
with nothing but an Old brown shoe
made of Norwegian wood...it's
gone...Hello, Goodbye. But I feel fine,
I just need a little Help so I can get
the hell up. I think I could get up,
With a little help from my friends.
I've got to get the freak up, this isn't
funny anymore. I could be stuck here
forever, a little Nowhere man. I'll
never be able to Drive my car down
Penny Lane, or Get back to my life as
a Paperback Writer working what
seems like Eight days a week...
Well, that got lame quickly. Congrats
if you were able to put up with the
last few paragraphs, I was just staring
absentmindedly at the album cover in
front of me and thought that maybe I
could work all the titles into an article, but I got bored with that. I was
going to give you a prize if you can
tell me what the connection is, but
Craig said that I'm not allowed to
prostitute myself anymore (lousy editor, always telling me what to do -
don't do this Andy; no Andy, that's
sharp; Andy, leave that horse alone...I
tell you, the power's just gone to his
Instead, I would like to talk about
how you can help my scholastic
career. It seems that a lot of people
have very annoying and distracting
habits in the classroom. I know that
I'm not completely innocent in this
regard, I've clicked my pen a few
times too many during exams and
pointed out to complete strangers sitting next to me that the prof, has a
boner. But we all need to admit to
ourselves that we have these problems
and need to stop them now.
First we have 'The Grabbers'
Characterized by an uninhibited tendency to grab and rub oneself in a
very explicit manner. Seems to be
done more by women then men, but
in all cases is extremely disgusting to
have to sit next to. I've seen everything from women jamming a hand
between their folded legs to a person
doing a two-handed grab at their
crotch disguised as some sort of Yoga
stretching. Now this stuff isn't all
that bad in small, controlled doses,
but when I get it every morning by
people who I'd really rather not see it
from, it's just something I could
truthfully do without.
Then we have 'The Techno-Geeks' (I
have to watch myself here because a
few too many of my friends fit into
this category)
You know...it started with just the
cell phones. We all should've listened
when that damn phone went off in
the middle of the Math 101 final and
rang for 10 minutes straight. We
should have all said: 'Damn, that girl
is a fucking imbecile. I don't want to
be an fucking imbecile, therefore, I
shouldn't get a cell phone." But we
didn't listen now did we? We all went
out and got our own. Now, three years
later, I am surrounded by these
tumor-in-your-pocket sons a bitches.
I've come to realize that everyone has
one and I've grudgingly accepted
them. I wouldn't touch one myself
unless it had a naked picture of
Cameron Diaz on it, but I accept that
other people have them (though
'have' and 'need' are not one and the
same). But now, we have geeks taking
notes with their little electronic note
pads. Obviously paper isn't good
enough for them, it has to be digital
to be good. These things must cost
more than tuition and are completely
useless, but w?.i\ a couple of years,
everyone will have them.
Also under tye heading of techno-
geekiness, th- y- fucking tamagotchi
things. Come on! You're a fucking
adult now. You don't need to be playing with those things. Yet I heard
them in the hack rows through last
years lectures, asking for their asshole
masters to push the 'cell phone' button so that they could call up the 1-
900 numbers and get a stiffy.
Speaking of assholes, those of you
who insist on bringing them to class,
those things are small, round and
smooth, sliding very nicely into any
body opening, and I get very cranky
around 4pm on Thursdays.
I don't want to get too bitchy here,
there   are   a   lot   of   other   annoying
habits out there,  but I'll try to talk
about something else.
Pre-Med Hopeful
Jake McKinlay *98
I'd like to get serious for a moment. I
received my first contradiction to a
comment I made last week (no hate
mail yet tho'...maybe I should move
out to Langara), the one about the
screwballs with swords out in Surrey.
One of my friends enlightened me to
what's really going on. 'Seems that
the main cause of the fighting is political, as in who gets to control the
temple and therefore can embezzle
the most out of the $100,000 a week
that the temple pulls down, and that
the chair ti'ft is just an excuse to fight.
I'm not a member of the church, so I
couldn't know. I do apologize for not
stating the whole truth, just what I
knew. I think it's insane enough that
any religious organization can pull
that kind of money down, but that
isn't the point.
Of course, my friend also attributes
every holy war his religion's ever been
in to jealousy over penis size.
Holy war...God 1 wish that would
happen around here. All these religious and politkal organizations and
absolutely no fighting...it just seems
to be going to waste. There hasn't
been an armed conflict on the university for almost a year now. I haven't
been the focal point of one either for
at almost two years now (lousy pinkos
try to burn my flag). That's it, Andy's
Church of the Bright Lights becomes
reality and will systematically declare
war on each and every religious group
on campus (we're gonna see who has
the biggest dick here) until there is
only one religion left: mine. Let's start
with the Goddamn Christians: the
Campus Crusade for Christsakes.
Lousy bastards try to take down
names and numbers saying that it's
only to check if people liked the propaganda that they got. Bullshit.
There's a reason you didn't include
the Old testament with the free copy
of the New you put out, because the
Old testament tells you to be Jewish
and contradicts your own little rules,
you fucking hypocrites. Your religious
table has no place in a science building, just as fact and logic have no
place in an organized religion. So I'm
gonna thump your Tammy-Fae-sized
asses harder than any bible just as
soon as the shipment arrives from the
Michigan Militia Carl's Army Surplus
and Antifreeze store.
Get closer to God: rub a bible
between your legs twice a week while
reciting a psalm in Hebrew (none of
this religious document rewritten by
some egotistical royal bastard who
thought that he was God himself).
So let it be written,
So let it be done...
I sense that I'm the chosen one.
First Year Committee
Do you like organizing events?
Do you want to get involved?
Do you need community service
hours to fulfill the conditions of
your parole?
Then come join the First Year
Committee and learn how things
really get done on campus.
Come in and talk to Mandy.
First meeting Is Wednesday, OCTOBER *
21st, Chemistry B160 ot 4:32 pm. 10.8.98
page seven
The Drawers o! SUS™
'f the Second
was any indication, it should
be a pretty good year for S.U.S. events.   We had an
amazing turnout, the Malchiks put on a great show,
we didn't run out of alcohol halfway through
unlike a certain other bzzr garden that week, and
we were able to round up all the farm animals
that escaped from the petting zoo quickly and
without incident.  A BIG thank you to all the
people who helped out with set-up, bar, and
clean-up, and the Golden Pacemaker Award
goes to our Director of Finance, Alex, who
nearly gave me a heart attack.
The next event under my control will be at
the end of November. Currently in the planning stages, it may or may not involve sand
and patio lanterns and a surf band.
And remember kids - Miss Jenn is always looking for volunteers to help with events, and also
to do her laundry and the vacuuming.
The Drawers  4.
of SUS... %
ack in Korea we didnVS
sleep when it was a full
moon. The one thing you could
count on Charlie for was the night
Jake Gray
larne H am aiafttei
QuEI science
attack during the full moon. Billy and I had just finished sharpening our bayonets when the mortars
started raining. Billy never had a chance. One minutes he's sitting on his bunk jacking off to cheap
asian porn, the next he's swimming in a pool of
his own entrails. Those bastards would pay,
I grabbed my trusty side-arm and my sack of
grenades and set off running in the direction
of the mortar fire. There's nothing like a few
well placed grenades to turn the tide of an
evening offensive. I came upon a pack of
pinkos smoking cheap commie smokes and
dropping mortars down the tube like a doctor
changing plugs in the diarrhea ward.
A few love bombs later and I'm standing in the
rain squishing my toes through the mix of mud
and guts. . . Oh what a feeling.
ell,      that ?'.&*,
time  of year ^'Will .'-'-*
has finally ~''~ Wf -^
descended upon us again. It's a
time of year when one doesn't really
want to get out of bed in the morning. The rain is just waiting to greet you as soon
as you are outside, no matter how prepared you are against the rain you know that
you will be wet sooner or later. But hey, in a few weeks you won't even notice it. An
easier way to adjust to the crummy weather is to take part in the annual DAY OF
THE LONGBOAT, which will be on Oct 24-25. This is an event that everyone has to
do at some point during their time at UBC. DOL involves getting a group of people
around the 2km course as fast as possible. Nothing beats paddling a Longboat as
hard-as you oan(in the rain-} until-your-arms fall off. Besides 4he rush of adrenaline,
there are t-shirts, a dance and best of all a BBQ dinner. Don't miss out on an event
like this, registration closes on Wed. Oct. 14th. Other things to look forward to are
the Fall Badminton Championships (Oct 16-17) and the 3 on 3 Volleyball
Championships(Oct 31st). If you don't already know there are Science Sports Rebates
of 50%. Make sure to get a copy of the registration and receipt, plus a rebate application found in SUS. Get these forms in to me asap since rebates will be given out in
the order that they come in. ***If you apply late there might be not money left to
give out.**** Note: rebates will NOT be given to those teams that default out of their
respective league. And only teams registered as Science(SUS) can apply.
e 1
i t
night, I'm sitting in SUS
right now, and my report is officially two days late. But hey, what
can you do?
Nothing overly important has happened recently. Our budget was approved by
Council yesterday. We still have a little bit of money left, but I'm working on fixing
that as we speak.
Clubs, listen up - Your budgets, exec lists, and members lists are all due by 4:32 on
October 23. If you are late, you won't get any money from us this year. If you had
a Grad event last year, it's not too late to get a rebate. Get your receipts to me by
October 15, anri we'll work something out.
Other than that, I can't think of anything interesting to say this week, so that's it
for now.
Why re-invent the wheel
(or the inline skate)?
Hands-On Tutorial in
Patent Searching
Using the internet and Free Library Sources.
Learn how to find great research data
in Patents! Discover the wonderful world of
Canadian, US, and European websites where
you can discover pending and issued patents for
bleeding  edge competitive  information.
E-mail rsimmer@inferchange.ubc.ca for bookings.
See www.library.ubc.ca/patscan for more info.
lections  are  October   14th  -16th  inv
Chemistry,    Biology   and   Computer
/Science (the Old Building). 1 want each
and every one of you to come out and vote. I
mean it! Also, the Annual SUS Wine and Cheese will
be on October 29th, unfortunately it is an invitation
only gathering. One of the many perks of being on council. Too bad you didn't run
for a council seat, because you're going to miss all the fun.
Mandy Seymour
Monday, Oct. 19th
Koerner library
Computer Lab*
Room 217
Science Council Elections!
(Holomg on/ to we iast Shrcd of vee Democracy swce f99?)
Come out
Come out
" ° <Stf? '^0?**
Come out N' Vote!
out N' Vote!
Come out N' Vote!
(Please?) October 12-16,1998
Vote early.
Vote often
Boothes In BioSciences, Chemistry (B-block) and Comp Sci. Buildings
Bring your Student Card to Vote!
(or we'll shoot you) page e
Letters to the Editor (Really)
Dear Editor:
This is in response to the article, "The
New Woman." I think it's safe to say that
John doesn't know what the hell he's
talking about. First of all, today's women
are not looking for that "me Tarzan, you
Jane" crap that men like John project. I
believe that most women are looking for
the sensitive 90's type. One who will
look into our eyes with such admiration
and respect, like that of a puppy dog
looking up to its master. We want a man
that emphasizes with our feelings, but
hopefully not their own.
I'm sure that like myself, women are
sick of those egotistical, sex-obsessed,
sport-crazed, beeroholic, gas expelling
men inflicting their macho and chauvinistic opinions upon us. But of course the
funny thing is, having said all of that,
I'm not worried about my sex life!
He suggests that because of men's obsession with sex, women have the upper
hand in determining what next fad we'll
be hit with. Come on John, we all know
it's a man's world. Why do you think
women are so obsessed with their weight
to begin with? Who are they doing it
for—themselves? How would he feel
about dating a women he finds to be
attractive if she were say 20-30 pounds
heavier? As for his primitive views on
killing a cow, he failed to realize that a
lot of women are now vegetarian.
Women are no longer impressed with a
guy who bites the head off a chicken, all
the while grinning like the Cheshire cat.
What women want, is a man who knows
how to whip up (no pun intended) a
mean tofu stir-fry and bake a nice low-
fat chocolate cake; and that is what any
woman would get wet over!
Not looking for Tarzan
Dear NLT:
As John Hallett is unavailable to
respond I, Jake Gray, will take the dubious deed of defending John's less than
stellar article from the first issue.
First, you are quite correct in assuming
that John doesn't know what the hell he
is talking about. In fact it's safe to say
that just about all of us don't know what
the hell John is talking about. Any
knowledge of John's previous work,
including his electoral bid for supreme
deity, would show even the 10 watt
bulbs out there that John rarely has a
firm grasp of what's going on in the
world around him.
Second, now where in John's article did
the word "Tarzan", "Jane" or "Gunga
Goon a lunga" appear. What John did
say is that the image of the perfect male
mate that men are receiving from today's
media has switched from Polo playing,
pastel wearing, poetry reading, new eng-
lander to somebody who enjoys a little
more variety out of life. The mountain
man, the hiker, and the rock climber are
the new icons of virility.
Third, would you actually put up with a
guy who looked up to you as his master?
You would get fed up with the annoying
leach in a matter of minutes. While I
understand that you require a guy's
admiration and respect, I doubt you
would respect a suckhole licking the polish from the boots he shined an hour
before.   Admiration   and   respect   are
mutual. Don't even try and say you
would like to meet a guy who would follow you like a lost puppy looking for his
mom's breast to suckle.
As for Myself, I'm also sick of those egotistical, sport-crazed, gas-expelling men.
Fortunately, I don't have to go home
with any of them. And you know what?
You don't either! There are plenty of us
out there who are simply beeroholic and
sex-crazed, which is why I guess you're
not too worried about your sex life,
either that or you're a lesbian. If I was a
female I'm pretty sure I would be lesbian. I don't think I could handle having
a lover who couldn't put the seat down.
But the sad fact is that girls don't have to
worry about their sex life because on any
given night there are multitudes of guys
with testosterone short circuiting their
higher reasoning centres ready to go
home with any one who gives them a
wink or a nudge.
Is it not possible to be macho and not
chauvanisitc? Did John Wayne hate
women? No, he loved his wife to his
dying day. In fact he said the only thing
he regretted was not being able to spend
more time with his wife and kids. So was
he not Macho? The guy had a lung
removed and still blasted bad guys.
As for John (Hallett) waking up and
finding the woman he finds attractive
had gained twenty to thirty pounds,
well, I don't think John would mind one
bit. In fact, He'd probably be relieved
that she had fihaly been able to gain
some weight. As long as she'd still come
over for barbeque, shoot his bow, and
not complain when he wake ups on the
front lawn, he'd be happy as a pig in
Low-fat Chocolate Cake. These two
words, like Yahoo Serious, should never
be put together. If you have a need for
chocolate cake, have a piece of fucking
cake. Just don't have the whole thing.
One piece is not going to add an inch to
your thighs. And if it does? Who cares?
It's worth it not to have to eat the low-
fat crap. There is not a low-fat product
on the market, with the exception of
miracle whip, which doesn't make a serious dent in the desirability of the food in
What's the deal with biting the heads
off chickens? Is this some new fad I've
missed on or are you alluding to something I don't recognize or remember?
Personally, I don't find the idea of swallowing a live chicken to be too appealing, but if impresses the fairer sex, I'll
give it a try.
Finally, I don't agree with the basis of
this whole silly argument. Its impossible
to put a blanket on what all people find
attractive. Some guys have a penchant
for french midgets, and I'm sure there's a
woman out there who finds the smell of
gorgonzola cheese to be an unexplain-
able turn on.
While John has found someone who
puts up with, and I dare say finds
endearing, his beer swilling and heart
biting, I'm sure somewhere out there,
there is a guy frying tofu while reading
Keats who is looking for a women whose
feet he can massage while looking with
his puppy dog eyes up at the goddess
which is you. To bad the priss will never
have the nerve to introduce himself.
Box 1
The 3rd Annual S.U.S. Hockey Pool
□ R.Francis
□ W.Gretzky
□ J.Jagr
□ P.Kariya
□ J.LeClair
□ M.Modano DAL
□ T.Selanne
Box 2
□ P.Forsberg
□ B.Hull
□ Z.Palffy
□ A.Oates
□ M.Sundin
□ MRecchi
□ P.Turgeon
Box 3
□ P.Bondra
I   | V.Damphousse MTL
□ E.Lindros
□ K.Tkachuk
□ J.Sakic
□ D.Weight
□ S.Yzerman
Box 4
□ T.Amonte
□ B.Shanahan
□ R.Brind'Amour PHI
□ T.Fleury
□ D.Gilmour
□ A.Mogilny
D A.Yashin
Box 5
□ J.Friesen
□ V.Kamenski COL
□ S.Koivu
□ K.Primeau
□ R.Reichel
□ J.Stumpel
□ P.Verbeek
Box 6
□ PBure
□ J.Roenick
□ S.Rucchin
□ B.Holik
□ S.Samsonov BOS
□ C.Gratton
□ D.Alfredsson OTW
Box 7
□ A.Zhamnov CHI
□ G.Courtnall STL
□ S.Barnes
□ S.Corson
□ RDemitra
□ N.Sundstrom NYR
□ M.Messier
Box 8
□ C.Ronning
□ C.Stillman
□ I.Larionov
□ J.Lehtinen
□ E.Moreau
□ S.Kozlov
□ A.Cassels
Box 9
□ O.Nolan
□ C.Janney
□ A.Brunette NSH
□ P.Elias
□ M.Grosek
□ R.Zednik
□ VProspal
Box 10
□ B.Leetch
□ S.Ozolinsh
□ L.Murphy
□ N.Lidstrom DET
□ S.Zubov
□ S.Niedermayer NJ
□ R.Svehla
Box 11
□ S.Duchesne
□ A.Macinnis
□ R.Bourque
PI TNumminen
□ B.Berard
□ M.Ohlund
□ B.Mironov
Box 12
□ R.Blake
□ D.Sydor
□ K.Hatcher
□ K.Jonsson
□ M.Schneider TOR
□ C.Chelios
□ J.Lumme
Box 13
□ P.Shaefer
□ D.LegwandNSH
□ VLecavalierTB
□ D.Briere
□ M.Hossa
□ C.Drury
□ J.Holden
Box 14
□ A.Tanguay
□ R.Dome
□ O.Kvasha
□ D.Tkaczuk CGY
□ J.P.Dumont CHI
□ CMann
□ P.Mara
Phone #
Rules: Select one(l) player from each box.
The contestant with the most total points
(goals + assists) will be the winner, 'nuff said!
Prizes: 1st place: 60% of pool plus...
a replica Hockey Jersey of your choice!!
2nd place: 30%   3rd place: 10%
No trades allowed.
Deadline: Friday Oct.9th at 4:32 pm.
Drop entry forms into box in SUS (Chem B160).
Contact Aarne at <aarne@interchange.ubc.ca>
for more info, or drop by SUS.
Entry Fee: $5.00!!!!!
Tiebreaker (in case of tie): What place will
'j/j.  Vancouver finish( 1-14) ?	


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