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The 432 Mar 9, 1988

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 VOTE TODAY!
SCIENCE    WOMEN    ON    TOP
by Todd Abiett
Science Participation in Intramural sports this year has been phenomenal, overwhelming and enormous. The Women's overall Intramural points race has Science
at the top. This is a first in the history of the University. Science is in second place of the Men's category but well within striking distance of the first placed Applied Scientists.
Help complete this successful year by getting yourself on a Storm the Wall Team. This is the last major event of trie intramural year. We need your participation.
If you are a competitive athlete get yourself on a serious team and try to win. If you just want to claim victory over the wall, get on one of the many just-for-fun
teams. The teams only require five people per team and you can have a sixth as a spare. Teams can be either men's, women's, or Co-Rec (min. 2 women).
If you can't find enough people to form a team, we can help you. You can come by the Science Office (Scarfe room number 9 or phone 228-4235). Registration
closes this Friday (March 11th 3:30 pm) so don't wait till the last minute.
See you at the wall.
How Am Atom
Works In 25
Words Or Less
by Dave Barry
Once again we have official scientific
proof—as if we needed any more proof-
that Americans have liquid fabric softener for brains.
I refer here to a poll conducted recently
by Northern Illinois University to find
out how much Americans know about
technology. This poll was of course supported by a government grant provided
by us taxpayers who are always looking
for new activities to support.
In the poll, researchers telephoned
people at random and spent 30 minutes
asking them technological questions,
such as what is a molecule, and these random Americans gave answers that are so
comically bone-headed that you are
going to just LAUGH when you hear
them.
Ah, I realize we could get picky here,
about methodology. We could argue:
"Well, of course the answers were stupid.
Only a stupid person would waste half
an hour talking with a stranger who
called up, probably at supper time, asking about air molecules. An intelligent
person would blow a railroad air horn
into the receiver and hang up."
But, as I said, that is being picky. The
point is that we have this scientific study
and it shows that man)r Americans—perhaps a member of your immediate fami-
ly!-do not know how modern
technology works.
For example, one person, when asked
what a molecule is, answered that it is—
get ready to snort in derision—a "very
tiny particle of something." HA Ha ha!
Can you believe it? Another person,
when asked to explain how a telephone
works, answered that "something travels
along a wire." Hooooeeee! Am I ever
getting a "stitch" in my side from these
ridiculous answers!
(Let me go into parentheses here for just
a moment and speak to you candidly. I
have read these answers several times,
and cannot for the LIFE of me see what's
wrong with them. As far as I know, a
molecule is a very tiny particle of something. I mean, right? And a telephone
works because something travels along a
wire, doesn't it? Why else would we
have these wires all over the place?
However, Northern Illinois University apparently feels these are the silliest
answers it ever heard, and I'm not about
to make a fool of myself by admitting
they sound pretty good to me.)
Clearly, the appalling ignorance revealed
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Refreshments will be available after Storm the Wall.
by this poll proves tht we are facing a
technological illiteracy crisis of such magnitude that it will probably require
dozens more federal grants before we
can get a handle on it. As an interim
measure, though, I thought I would use
the few remaining paragraphs here to explain how technology works. Although
many people expect this topic to be
boring, in fact you will find it... Listen to
me! Hey, I'm talking to you! I said, you
will find it to be extremely fascinating.
There will be a quiz: How Technology
Works.
At the heart of all technology are the Five
Basic Machines: the wheel, the lever, the
stapler, the chain saw and power steer-
...continued page 3
TEACHING EXCELLENCE AWARD
...more outstanding profs.
by Linda Lo - Academics Coordinator, SUS
Congratulations to the following professors who were nominated for the award in the
2nd term:
Dr. W. Danner Geological Sciences
Dr. R. Dewreede Biology
Dr. R. Gupta Mathematics
Dr. R. Hancock Microbiology
Dr. B. Tiberiis Biochemistry
We regret to inform you that Dr. B. Gorzalka of Psychology has been disqualified as his
nomination did not conform to the rules of nomination (his courses was taugh in the
first term). A winner will be announced in two weeks, after the 1st and 2nd term
nominations have been reviewed. SCIENCE UBC
The 432
March 9,1088
Vol. 1, Issue #12
EDITOR
Vince Jtu
ASSISTANT EDITOR TO
PRODUCTION
Jean-Charles Guay
ILLUSTRATOR
Ken Otter
WRITERS
Derek Milter
Peter MacDougall
Stella Wong
Todd Abiett
Johan Stroman
TYPISTS
Michelle Morgan
Catherine Rartkel
CONTRIBUTOR
Dr. David Suzuki
DISTRIBUTION
Hal V. u
TYPESETTING
Jean-Charles QUay
Vince Jiu
Submissions and inquiries
should be sent io:
The 432 e/o Trie Science
Undergraduate Society of UBC
2125 Main Mali (Scarfe 9),
Vancouver, BC Canada
Tel: {604)228-4235
Trie 432 is published
bi-weekiy by the Science *
Undergraduate Society of
UBC. The submission
deadline for trie next issue is
Thursday* March 17,19$$
(4:30pm). Ttte paper is
distributed on tfie following
Wednesday, Departmental
news & research, letters,
creative works, short essays
and announcements are
welcome,
SCIENTIFIC
WINDFALL
The Vancouver Courier
The B.C. Tel Group has announced
pledges totalling $395,000 over five years
to the capital campaign for Science World
British Columbia.
The B.C. Tel pledge is the largest corporate commitment to date in the $6.3
million Science World fund-raising campaign.
Gordon MacFarlane, chairman and chief
executive officer of B.C. Tel, said this substantial commitment reflects the importance B.C. Tel attaches to the
province-wide benefit of the Science
World project.
He expressed the hope that other corporations and individuals will add their
whole-hearted support to the campaign.
"Our world today is profoundly influenced by science and technology,"
MacFarlane said. "It is vital to all of us
that we have a place where we can see,
touch and come to enjoy the future; a
science centre that will inspire our young
people to shape the tidal wave of technology we are now experiencing."
He noted that Science World British
Columbia, being created in the Expo
Centre, will be situated in Vancouver but
will serve the entire province through its
travelling outreach programs.
"That is important to us, because we also
serve the whole province and we want to
see all of the people in B.C. - including
approximately 14,400 employees and
their families - benefit from our community contributions."
Science World president Barbara Brink
and capital campaign chairman Haig Far-
ris accepted the B.C. Fel Group pledge,
payable over five years through 1991, at
a ceremony in the B.C Tel headquarters
building.
"This outstanding corporate support
comes at the beginning of the Science
World capital campaign and we are
delighted that B.C. Tel has taken this
leadership role," said Brink. "It is an example to others and it reinforces our
belief that the private sector will provide
the funding needed to complete this
world-class science centre.'
Farris said the B.C. Tel Group pledge
brings private-sector commitments to
about $1.1 million, or about 17 per cent of
the campaign objective.
MacFarlane said the pledge comes from
the B.C. Tel Group, which comprises B.C.
Tel, Microtel Limited, BTE (Business
Telecom Equipment), Microtel Pacific
Research, Telecom Leasing Canada,
Canadian Telephones & Supplies, B.C.
Cellular, Telecommunication Services International and Viscount Industries.
The British Columbia, federal and Vancouver city governments have committed
a total of $11 million toward the $17.3 million total estimated cost of converting the
Expo Centre to Science World. The
Greater Vancouver Regional District has
been asked to contribute $1 million.
Farris said B.C. Tel will be acknowledged
in the Science World "Hall of Founding
Donors" when the facility is opened in
mid-1989 in the converted Expo Centre.l
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"Hi honey,
this is
what I do
at work!"
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Canadian Scientists need
Cash, not Promises
by David Suzuki
My father taught me taught we are what
we do, not what we say. It's a standard of
judgment we should apply much more,
especially in the world of politics. Two
weeks ago, Prime Minister Brian Mul-
roney brought a measure of joy to the
scientific community with his announcement of new monies to be spent
on research over the next five years.
I'm far more skeptical than many of my
scientific colleagues seem to be. Let's
look at action, not talk.
Ever since I returned to Canada in 1962,
and I'm sure it wasn't any different
before, the level of support for Canadian
scientists has never been as close to what
our peers in the United States or Europe
received. That's why so many world-
class scientists have left Canada to work
in other countries.
In all of Pierre Trudeau's years as prime
minister, he never indicated that he understood the economic or cultural
reasons for a strong research community.
Perhaps the attitude of Mr. Trudeau's
government as best summed up by the
second minister of state for science and
technology, Bud Drury, when I interviewed ram.
As I queried Mr. Drury on why research
grants to Canadian scientists weren't
larger, he replied that most of the world's
scientific research comes out of the
United States.
Because those papers are published in
English, they are accessible to Canadians
in the open literature without cost.
"Science in Canada is a frill," he went on,
"which we support as a token contribution."
One of the promises on which Mr. Mul-
roney ran for office was to increase
Canada's commitment to scientific research from its pathetic level of 1.3 per
cent of the BNP to a level close to the 2.5-
2.8 per cent expended by the United
States, Japan and some European
countries.
It was an exciting promise that seemed to
indicate a real understanding of and support for the role scientists play in finding
ideas and inventions that are ultimately
useful. Mr. Mulroney has been in office
now for more than three years, enough
time to assess his performance by my
father's aphorism.
Mr. Mulroney's Government has been
concerned with deficits and balancing
budgets, and to date, it has not increased
the net level of support for scientific research. Instead, monies have been shifted
around to designated areas of priority,
such as space research.
This is analogous to taking a bit of food
from what is already a starvation diet
from most people and heaping it on the
plates of a select few who are the ex
pected to perform at an Olympic level of
athletes!
Clearly, you have to feed the entire
population adequately before world-
class athletes will emerge. It is exactly the
same in the case of scientists. Mr. Mulroney has not carried his promise
through on his decision, nor has he indicated that he understands why science is
important.
His current promise is a transparent political act. His announced $1.3 billion increase for research is projected over five
years. But the current government year is
already well along and by the time the
administrative structures and guidelines
are set up, not much, if any, of the first
year's $160-million will be spent.
The chances are very good that there will
be another election before the end of the
next fiscal year, thereby ensuring that far
less than $280-million will be committed
in the second year. And if history is any
guide, regardless of who makes up the
next government, new budgets start over
at square one.
I don't believe that the Government is
any more lacking commitment to or
knowledge about the importance of
science than were any of the previous
Liberal governments. Nor have I seen
any indication that the New Democratic
Party is any more enlightened.
Our parties reflect the perceived
priorities of their membership, and, in a
society in which science is not a main
part of our culture, the lack of interest or
understanding of the role of science in
society by the political parties is hardly
surprising.
The source of ideas, inventions and discoveries that generate both economic
returns and the mean to assess and deal
with some of the major global problems
that plague us is science. Governments
around the world are recognizing the
economic spinoff of research and
development and are putting greater
pressure on scientists to contribute to applications of their work.
As I have written many times, there a*e
considerable risks in pushing scientists to
rush their incremental gains in
knowledge into practical use and in
tightening the links between university
scientists and private industry. But I also
believe that Canada has to stay informed
about what is going on in the best labs
around the world.
We need a world-class community of
scientists because they are our eyes and
ears to the best work going on
everywhere.
When the voter clearly understands why
it is important for Canada to have world-
class scientists, politicians will do more
than merely use scientists to gain temporary political points. It is high time
scientists began to speak out and educate
the general public. Only then will
politicians treat scientists seriously
The 431 ~ $t*S& St SCIENCE UBC
KEEP SCIENCE
STRONG
by Derek K. Miller
Every undergraduate student at UBC
pays a student society fee. If you don't
believe me, check the Registration Guide.
Take a look at this:
INVENTIONS
Faculty/School
Dentistry
Medicine
Forestry
Agriculture
Nursing
Pharmacy
Applied Science
Law
Architecture
Library Science
Physical Ed.
Fam. & Nut. Sci.
Rehab. Medicine
Commerce
Social Work
Science
Recreation
Education
Arts
Fee
$40
$33
$30
$20
$18
$18
$18
$12
$10
$10
$10
$7
$6
$5
$5
$5
$3
$2
$1
The average student fee for all students
on campus is $7.00. Not including Arts -
with the lowest fee - the average is
$10.40; At present, the Science undergrad
fee is $5.00. We'd like to double that to
$10. We would still be charging half what
Agriculture does, and one quarter of
what Dentistry does. The increase of five
dollars per year is about the same cost as
a meal from Food Services, and would
present several advantages:
1. The 432, which currently consumes
anywhere from $800 to $1200 per month
($4800 to $7200 a year), could continue
without having to resort to dedicating
vast amounts of space to advertising, like
a certain other campus paper.
2. Science Sports rebates can remain at
2/3 of the Intramurals registration fee,
and not have to be reduced to alleviate
the $7000 per year cost.
3. We will be able to distribute 1/5 of the
fees ($2 per student in each department)
to departmental clubs such as Physsoc,
the Math Club, Biosoc, and the Dawson
Club.
4. We will be capable of carrying a large
inventory of Science Sales material so
that there are fewer sellouts during the
year. A larger inventory would also mean
reduced prices year round.
5. Science social events, such as dances,
Lip Sync, and the Last Class Bash will be
easier to set up.
The proposed increase is not unreasonable. There will be a discussion
and voting on the increase proposal at
the Science Undergraduate Society Annual General Meeting in the SUB
Ballroom, 1:00pm, Thursday, March 24,
1988. Be there. It's your money and we'd
like to know what you think about it.
NEW CANADIAN TECH-
NOLOGYHOW TO PROTECT IT AT
HOME AND ABROAD
Most inventors and business people who
have developed now products want to
market them immediately and start
making money before someone else gets
the idea. In their haste to publicize and
demonstrate their product, however, they
may be jeopardizing their chances to obtain legal protection against someone else
copying and selling it.
Before publicly demonstrating or advertising a new product, Canadian
entrepreneurs should ensure that their inventions and models are adequately
protected not only in Canada, but in all
foreign countries in which the product
may be sold, manufactured, or licensed.
Familiarity with the patent laws in each
country is very important.
There are, in fact, only two principal
ways to protect an invention: legally by
having it patented, or by not revealing
anything and keeping the invention a so-
called trade secret.
Patent Protection
Possessing a Canadian patent for a
product or process provides legal protection against anyone copying or using the
invention in Canada. But it does not
provide any protection in other
countries. In this case, a patent application must by made in each country.
However, patent laws often vary from
one country to another. Some have no
patent laws at all.
In most countries, advertising or talking
publicly to others about your product,
displaying it at a trade show, or allowing
publication of its description anywhere
in the world, will bar you from getting a
patent within those countries. That
means you will not be able to prevent
others from copying your product.
Some countries have a short period of
grace. In Japan, for example, if you plan
to display your invention at a trade show
or technical conference, you must follow
a prescribed procedure and apply for a
Japanese patent within six months of
such display. In Britain, you may show
your new product only at a British industrial exhibition recognized by the
British Department of Trade, and subsequently apply for a British patent
within six months. In the United States,
an inventory has up to one year to apply
for a patent following the display of a
new product or publication of information about it. In Canada, the grace period
is two years. However, in most countries,
you must file a patent application before
a patent for the same invention has been
granted in any other country.
Although a Canadian can personally file
a patent application within Canada, the
preparation and prosecution of an application is quite complex. It is recommended that inventors consult a
registered Patent Agent (listed in the Yellow Pages) for assistance, especially prior
to filing applications in foreign countries.
The agents have a thorough knowledge
of patent legislation in most foreign
countries as well as Canada.
Black & Blue
Review!
"What is the Black $ Blue Review?" it is a collection of ratings of
science courses and professors* in short, it is essential to have for next
year.
On March 9,10 & 11th, drop by the polling stations located at Hebb
Theatre, Chemistry, Wesbrood or Woodward and fill out a
questionnaire concerning your current courses. Your completed cards
can be returned at that time or anytime before March 51 to Scarfe 9, If
you did not receive a questionnaire during March 9-11 ♦ come to
Scarfe 9. In the summer, we wflf mail the results of the 'Black & Blue
Review' to you provided you have given us your name, address and 50
cents to cover postage.
The evaluation of your courses and professors wifl benefit students -
your opinion is valuable.
Trade Secrets
Some companies opt to keep their technology a trade secret. They believe that
the advantages of nondisclosure outweigh the benefits of patent protection.
However, an inventor who has not obtained a patent runs the risk of a competitor buying the product on the open
market and copying it. This competitor
could even apply for a patent on an improved and patentable version of the
product and inhibit the inventor from
marketing his or her own invention.
Moreover, an invention that is kept a
trade secret and sold openly is immediately barred from being patented in
most countries, and barred within
Canada subsequent to the two-year grace
period following public disclosure.
Sales of Patents and Granting of Licenses
A patent is a tangible piece of property
that can be sold or licensed. A license can
be either exclusive or shared between
companies. It can apply to only a specific
geographic region. However, it is important to remember that in countries in
which you have not been granted a
patent, anyone can use your invention
freely without having to pay you any
royalties.
Cross-licensing Agreements
Frequently, two or more companies
operating in the same or different
countries grant each other licenses, often
without charge, in order to use each
other's technology. Such agreements
clearly require the existence of patents.
They are, therefore, ineffective in
countries in which patents have not been
granted.
Confidentiality Agreements
Before starting discussions with foreign
or domestic companies concerning licensing agreements, it may be necessary to
openly discuss technology that has not
been patented in either Canada or the
foreign country. In such a case, parties
should sign a confidential disclosure
agreement, as premature disclosure of unpatented technology could result in forfeiture of the right to protection.
Information
For more information on patents, industrial designs, trade marks and
copyright in Canada or abroad, contact:
Enquiries Section
Intellectual Property Directorate
Consumer and Corporate Affairs Canada
Hull, Quebec, (819)997-1936
COMPUTERSMITHS
Word processing & Desk Top
Publishing. Thesis My Speciality
Symbols & Foreign Characters
Available . Ask About our Laser
Printer Services!
3732 Broadway (At Alma)
224-5242
WANTED
Articles, research news,
clubs news etc. Avoid the
end of term crunch and
submit your articles now.
At scarfe 9 or through Campus mail
The 432 c/o SUS-Dean of Science
Atoms from page 1
ing. These were all invented by the ancient Greek person Archimedes so he
would have a "mechanical advantage"
over everybody else. As Archimedes always use to say: "Give me a lever big
enough, and I will move the Earth." So
finally one night, at a party, some
pranksters actually gave Him a lever that
was big enough, and he was squashed as
flat as a coat of semi-gloss paint.
This was the only one of the benefits
mankind derived from the Five Basic
Machines over the next several thousand
years. The problem was that the energy
to power the machines had to come form
natural sources, such as water and oxen.
This was fine for the wheel, but mankind
was getting very poor results from the
oxen-powered stapler. He was getting
stapled documents that people wouldn't
remain in the same room with, let alone
read. Clearly, a new power source was
needed, and who should discover it but
Benjamin Franklin, who, in a famous
scientific experiment, went out in a
rainstorm, flew a kite with a wire attached to it, and was almost killed by a
falling internal-combustion engine.
Franklin was soon followed by the
airplane. If you have ever looked at a
diagram in a grade-school science
textbook, you know that the way an
airplane works is that the air forms into
little black arrows that go shooting over
and under the wing—this happens much
too fast for you to see without the aid of
narcotics—producing sufficient pressure
to lift the wing. Notice I say lift the
wing. Obviously there is no way that air
can lift an entire airplane, especially if it
is carrying an unusually dense dinner
entree such as "swiss steak." As far as
anybody knows, what gets the plane off
the ground is that the passengers really
Believe it will get off the ground, similar
to the way Dorothy got back to Kansas.
We now live in the Age of Appliances,
such as stereos, air conditioners and
toasters. These all work on the same
basic technological principle: electricity
enters them from the wall via a plug and
is converted into music, cold air or toast.
The lone exception is the telephone
which works by means of very tiny particles of something, called "molecules"
travelling along a wire.
Technology quiz
1. They didn't have semi-gloss paint
back then, did they?
2. Where can an ordinary citizen get a
railroad air horn?
3. What about a federal grant?
Some monuments are more
solid than others...
i
GAS    COUPON
SAVE $2.00     !
Redeem this coupon at The 432 towards any purchase of 25      |
litre of gas. Limit one coupon per visit. Not valid with any other _
coupon or discount. Valid only at The 432. 1
I Gas up with The 432! I
T&e 432 - page 3 THE    CANDIDATES...
EXAM
HOWLERS
•White blood cells are made in the
nymph glands.
•Excretion is what it probably was
before it became whatever it is.
•Heartbeat is controlled by a synthetic nerve.
•The galapagos was once joined to
Europe but then floated off into
the sea.
•There is a pond of amino acids in
the cytoplasm.
•In Germany plants are moving
away from the highways to avoid
the pollutants.
•Other pigments that are found in
the life or a flowering plant are
carotene. The significance is that
it allows the plant to see in the
dark.
•SO2 would be controlled if the
workers scrubbed the chimneys
periodically.
•The hear beats faster if there is too
much carbolic acid in the blood.
•The offspring resemble their
parents m every way except a few.
•Very tall chimneys of factories
may pierce the ozone layer in the
atmosphere so making holes in it.
•Radioactivity is a form of energy,
so the covered plants use that
energy to photosynthesize.
•Lactation...is the build up of lactic
acid in the muscles during a hard
labour.
•Smooth endoplasmic rectum.
•FT1" from the TC A cycle from
HCQ3" which is used in the
stomach to combine with CI" from
NaCltoformHCl.
•The skin of a whale is impermeable to water so that dessication
will not occur if the tide recedes.
•The stomach is a muscular bog
which pounds the food.
•The whale has a waxy cuticle to
prevent heat loss.
•The insect chose is the earthworm.
•Recent discoveries in medicine by
Pasteur and Jenner...
•The rhodopsin in the cones moves
into the photosynthetic cells.
•Abacterial cell is made up of a
head, central column and legs.
•Water moves by cohesion and
coercion.
•Egestion is the removal of waste
gases through the skin.
•Evidence for evolution is pollen
grains on the shroud of Turin.
•Man is immune to diseases such
as foot and mouth because he
does not have hooves or trotters.
•If a virus gets into the mouth and
settles in the throat, a reflex action
occurs which causes the sudden
forcing out of air. This is known
as coughing which clears the
throat of the virus.
•Birds produce uric acid which is
excreted as solid. This is suitable
for birds as they often excrete in
flight. The excretion, being solid,
will drip to the earth.
•In the past, when kidneys were
more cumbersome and difficult to
clean than today.
•Patients requiring peritoneal
dialysis have a catheter implanted
in the arm.
•The ultra violent rays can damage
the skin.
•Water may not enter the plant
cells due to finding an easier root.
•O2 flows in to repay the oxygen
debt.
•At low light the plant gives off
CO2, it is tricked into thinking is
is daylight, and begins respiring.
•What is meant by a 'gene pool'?
This is an imaginary container
containing the genes of a certain
species.
•As the exercise ceases the athlete's
muscles are still suffering from
lactation.
•Before movement, the earthworm
is stationary.
•Name one part of the alimentary
canal where one would expect
starch to be converted into a
sugar. Nasal cavity. Buckle cavity.
...continued on page 5
SUS     PRESIDENT
MARTIN LAMPA fc
r SUS PRESIDENT
I
am going into
my final
v&3.r    i n
Che it
/B:i. ochem. I am
current I
y SUS 1st
Vice
F'r esi dent. Dur
ing my t
er m 1
i mpl
ernented the Academics C
ommi 11 ee h.
T&3.C
n i n g Ex ceilence
Awar d f
I g a i n ed
sport
sorshi p St assi s
ted in the Red Cross
.81 oc
d Donor Clinic
during S
c i ence Ween.
and
I kept Science
students
informed &
invc
1ved. I am alsc
An   AMS
Council Rep
and
t h r oug h this I
have sat
on several
AMS
c oiTirri ittees.
.1
n the future fc
r Scienc
e (next
year
) I want to see
increased Science
club
strength z<   rep
resentat
i on on
Coun
cily opening up
of more
c orniTiun i c at i on 1 i ties
between
the SUS and
the
students Can ex
ample- be
ing the
cont
i n uat ion o f our
qua!i ty
newspaper -
the
432), and quite
si mply
i ncreasing
the
awareness of Sc
ience &
the Science
facu
Ity on a.nd   off
campus!!
s u
s
V 1
C
E -
P
R
E S 1
D
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N T
(
a c a
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f
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This past year has been a good one for
the Science Undergrad Society.  Not
only have we had two of the most successful dances in Science history, but
also the biggest Science week in years
and we might even beat the Engineers in
sports points as well (the first time
this will ever have happenedl).
Good things have been happening.  I am
running for 1st Vice President because
I want these good things to not only
continue, but also to become better.  I
would like to see more social events,
more participation, an even bigger 432.
I think that I have the ideas, the
drive and the leadership qualities to
make great things happen.
Vote for the name you can't forget.
- Julie Memory for 1st Vice
HEAR YE!  HEAR YE!
PHILIP MORSE is running for the
position of First Vice President of
the Science Undergraduate Society
Executive Council. Next year, I will
be entering my fourth (and final!)
year at U.B.C, at the end of which I
plan to have completed an honours
degree in Computer Science and
Mathematics. Like all of us at
U.B.C. I care about my University
years; part of this caring includes
getting involved and working to make
the S.U.S. a stronger organization.
I feel that I will succeed in the
tasks required of me. These include
leading the Academics Committee, and
maintaining a good rapport with our
Faculty as a liason for the students.
PHILIP MORSE FOR FIRST VICE PRESIDENT
The 432 * $ag& 4 POLLING STATIONS:   Hebb Theatre, Chemistry, Wesbrook, Woodward
SUS-    SECRETARY
Hi! My name is CATHERINE RANKEL and
I'm running for the position of
Secretary. Next year, I will be a
third year student with a biochem
major. Having worked with some of
the current council members as well
as having been a part of my high
school student council, I have
decided to give it a shot to see
what I can do for the Science
Undergrads. Although I don't have
any specific goals in mind right
now, I'm open to suggestions that
could be brought up at council
meetings. I feel I have the skills
to do a competent job for the S.U.S.
2
n
d
V 1
C E
- P
R
E S 1
D
E
N
T
(
s
o c
i a
1 )
* c
o
n t e s
t
e
d
My name's Claudio de los Rios (
just "Bob" ) and I'm
re-running
Briefly
or
for
2nd  vice   president.
speaking:
What, Xlye done...:
2nd  vice   president
Social   coordinator
SUS   pop  sales   manager
Academics   committee   zoology  rep
Science   week   committee   organizer
WhatI'll   do :
Continue   success   of   Science
dances
Keep   liquor   prices   low  at   dances
Get   sponsorship   from  breweries
Strengthen   all   the   departments
Form a   "garden"   club
I   know  the   job   well,   I'm  the   best
Qualified   and   I'm  willinq   to   put   in
the   time   to   insure   science   has
another   successful   year.
I'm  asking   for   your   vote   for   2nd
vice.
My name  is  Shawn McDuff.     I'm running
for  one of the  two  contested  positions
this   year   -   2nd  Vice   President.
The  2nd Vice works  closely with  the
social  coordinator  in  organizing  the
social  activities.for  the  society.     I
feel   I have the  skills  and  gualities
neccessary  to  better   fulfill   this   position because   I  am currently  a member
of  the Science council  as  a  3rd year
representative,   Academics   Sub  Council,
and also a  floor  representative  in
residence-
Social  activities  this  year  have  been
quite successful. I would  like to
further and  better our  present  record.
I  wholeheartedly  support  cheap  refreshments at these  functions.     And  if  the
Black Hand existed   I  would  support  it
as well.
Please exercise  your  right  to vote on
March  9-11.
Shawn McDuff  for  2nd Vice
Howlers from page 4
•Caterpillar then crystallises to a
butterfly.
•Two male secondary sexual
characteristics: heavy breathing
and sweat production.
•Labour is muscular contraptions.
•Collecting protected animals
makes them distinct.
•Advantages of metamorphosis:
insects can see what they are;
otherwise it would be a pupa all
its life.
•An example of a food additive is
de-icer in wine.
•Death is very harmful to your
health, indeed.
•In winter insects hibernate up
someone's plughold.
•Forces of cohesion and adhesion
cause a thin, tense Column of
water to move up the xylem
without snapping.
•Heat rate is increased by the accelerator nerve.
•The two types of peppered moth
are the light 'speckled' form and
the dark carbon' copy. The white
peppered moth was too easily
spotted in town so it had to move
to the country.
•Pasteur: One day he was drying
dishes in his lab with a friend and
he saw bacteria on the plates. It
suddenly occurred to him that
this could be prevented by pasteurizing the plates.
•You put your finger into an agar
plate, put it into an incubator, and
leave it there for a week.
•Food has acted as a population
control from the beginning of
manhood.
•Animals that are hunted for food
may become extinct, eg. turkeys
ana chickens.
•Hens are now battery run. They
do not get any exercise so they
produce large eggs.
•Rabbits can have as large families
as they can, but their brains do
not allow them to organize themselves; human should have more
sense.
•At the beginning of time, man
was in equilibrium.
•Bacteroides melanogenicus can be
readily identified since it fluoresces black under ultra-violet light.
International
Forum
GUATEMALA Ret Alma tibia
Ramirez and Victor Hugo de Quin-
tanilla, teachers at the University of
San Carlos mGuatemala City. They
wercaccoUcd on 19 February 1984
reportedly by plain-clothed men who
appeared to be waiting for them. Alma
and Victor were; pulled jito two-cars
that bore no license plates,. Their "disappearance" followed the familiar pattern
of abduction by Guatemalan security
offfcais. In 1986, Guatemala returned to
civilian rule, but human rights activists
say the current government has done
little to bring justice to art estimated
3&,0D0 Guatemalans who "disappeared" between 1954 and 19m.
Amnesty International is still seeking
an investigation into the disappearance
of Alma and Victor^ as well as prosecution ibrthe people responsible far their
abduction and murder. Alma and Victor, who were abducted under the administration of General Qsar Humberto
M-eps Vktores, were lecturers at the
University of San Carlos? Alma in
political science and Victor in
economics. The university staff and students have been trargetsof the successive military .regimes, for their critical
studies* <a£ the government Abductions,
beatings, harrassmentand murder of
staff and students have been well documented.
Send letters urging an investigation
into the cases of Alma and Victor. Send
appeals to: S.E.VmicioCere»>
Arevalo, Presidente de la Repubika de
Guatemala, Palacio Nacional,
Guatemala, Guatemala. A copy of any
ropliesyou may receive should be sent
to the Ottawa office: 130 Slater Street,
Suite 800, Ottawa, Ontario KlP6£2. March 9 &10 &11.    Exercise your right to vote!
AMS
REPRESENTATIVE
Publication
Coordinator
e*^
ELECT
JEAN-CHARLES GUAY
FOR
AMS REPRESENTATIVE
Goals:
. I intend to keep ALL Science Students informed of
the activities of the AMS. Too many students miss
important events & opportunities simply because
they do not know about them. I propose to publish
the "AMS BRIEFS" in every issue of  7770 432
(which will hopefully be published every week).
. I will also continue to act as a liaison between
Science clubs (& students) and the many
departments, rules & regulations of the AMS.
Experience:
. Executive  Position in two AMS Subsidiaries.
. Assisted in AMS Constitution of Science Club
(Biosoc).
. Assistant Editor to Production for the Science
Newspaper -   The 432.
. Coordinator for two Science Charity Fundraisers.
. Science  Undergraduate Society,  council  member.
. Ad Hoc Committee On Honoraria, member.
. Science Week Committee,  member.
Info:Ari Giligson-For Publications Coordinator
-Photo Dept.  Head Churchill Annual   '86-87
-1st yr.  rap.   for SUS & Physsoc 87-88
-Future:   2nd yr.  Physiology 88-89
My Slogan:  GET TO KNOW ME
Why run? I enjoy working for the SUS-many
council members have encouraged my action.
The job requires ability to administrate
and deal with people.     I feel,   in this,   I
am most qualified of the candidates.     I hope
to insure that our paper continues to grow
and perhaps  implement our old dream qf
publishing a Science Annual.
Why Settle For Second Best
VOTE
* Ari-ARI-Ari  *
Remember: A Vote for Ari is a Vote for
E
3
3
Public Relations
Social
Coordinator
TONY   AM8ARPAR
PUBLIC     RELATIONS    CO-0R.DINA7OR.
WI be   Vi ^ftw    H»*= PVAfh
<*■«{,-„,$!   ■VfTE'.SArhlAX
itfE: 6*1 Ti.%kt.\
Vomit +io-g + ^-nt
CR, ~CahY+ E
ELECT
ROSE        LAI
(Biology 3)
SOCIAL
For
CO-ORDINATOR
Sept., 1987-present: SUS Academics Committee
Member
Oct., 1987-Jan., 1988: SUS Science Week Coordinator
My experience as the Science Week Co-ordinator
this year has prepared me for the position of
Social Co-ordinator, which is responsible for
organizing all social functions of the Society.
My main objectives for the year ahead are to
promote the reputation of SUS as a social grouj
and to continue the success this year. I have
planned to organize the following events: a
Science Fair w_ industry sponsor and high school
participation, a student/faculty dinner, a boat
cruise, and of course, 2 dances and beer garden
This position needs someone with goals and
experience-a dedicated person named ROSE LAI,
Tfee 432 «-= $?ag% € SCIENCE UBC
Unfair Stats
I am a faithful reader of your usually
entertaining and informative newspaper,
but I make exception to your article concerning Dr. W's Bio 300 class. Although I
commend your courage in printing an article in face of being advised not to, and I
respect your obligation to keep students
informed of news, I must point out some
errors contained in your "statistical"
presentation that any first )rear stats student would notice as obvious:
First, any poll taken during final exams
may contain some bias. How many students think highly of profs during finals
week? (There may also be some bias in
the form of questions that were asked.)
Second, a list of averages is not a t-test as
your title suggests. A t-test, when properly used, is intended to indicate any significant difference between 2 means
(averages). In this article you have not
compared the results of Dr. W's poll with
results from any other polls.
Finally, this survey also suffers from poor
experimental design. There is an obvious
absence of a control in your test. Were
these same students polled for opinions
on other profs? Were other stats classes
polled on their profs? Without a control
you have nothing with which to compare
the results of this poll. It is entirely possible that the majority of students think
poorly of all their profs.
That only the students of one prof were
polled out of the many different profs
teaching first year stats in the different
departments on campus suggests that
someone is on a witch-hunt. I also enjoy
hating profs on occasion but in all fairness to Dr. W, I do not believe this poll
was conducted in either a scientific or
responsible manner and I believe that the
432 has failed in its obligation to its
readers by printing this slanderous article.
I should mention that I have not in the
past been a student of or an associate of
Dr. W and I am certainly not defending
him. It is entirely possible that he is a terrible prof, but this poll does not offer any
evidence to either support or reject this
hypothesis.
Russ Monger
Oceanography 4
Man & Machine
The whole "Double Dragon" controversy
in the Ubyssey has been blown totally
out of proportion of its significance or importance. First of all, a great many of the
video games in the arcade are violent
and bloody, with people getting
squashed, blown up, pierced, etc. The
woman in the opening sequence of the
game in question is simply clobbered
over the head. Why should the woman
be in any position of greater importance,
in terms of violence inflicted upon her,
than any other video game characters?
Perhaps all movies showing any violence
towards women ought to be banned
from the theatre in SUB.
My other point of contention is the
defamation of character of Bob Seeman.
The man makes one flippant comment in
the AMS council and everybody jumps
on him. How is it that his critics can infer
that he hates women and has an Oedipus
complex, or any such assanine extrapolation, from the simple statement that he
made, probably in fun, correlating
women in miniskirts with prostitutes.
How dare people ask for a public apology. /
Here's a tip for the Ubyssey. Take a step
back and have a good serious look at the
issue in which these points appeared.
Isn't there some more important use for
newspaper space. Even advertising
would be preferable to this lame pseudo-
issue.
Ari Giligs
Science 1
SEX
by Derek K. Miller
I knew that would get your attention.
Believe it or not, this article is NOT one
of those that deceives you into thinking
that it is about an interesting or (ahem)
stimulating topic, and then rambles on
about something completely irrelevant. It
is actually about sex.
Dinosaur sex. Yes, folks, those of you
who have glanced at the latest issue of
Omni magazine (and carefully averted
your eyes to ensure that no one saw ]rou
looking at it) will have seen that one of
the cover stories is a set of artist's depictions of how dinosaurs might have copulated. It is all the rage these days to talk
about how dinosaurs were really warm
blooded and viviparous and so really
similar to people, and how they were actually very cute and wouldn't it be nice
to have one as a pet if they weren't all
dead?
Well fine, but this has gone too far. A
straightforward article on dinosaurs,
such as the one Discover magazine ran
some months back, or a voluminous dis
sertation from Scientific American, with
one rendering of how the giant reptiles
might have reproduced, would have
been scientifically valid. The silly thing
about the Omni spread is that the pictures aren't really very interesting from
an artistic, anatomical, or hormonal (especially) view. The saurians are painted
with ecstatic expressions on their faces,
and, to paraphrase David Byrne, people
(or animals) in ecstasy look ridiculous.
Why did Omni publish these works?
One needs only to look at Bob Guccione's
other publication (which here shall
remain nameless) to understand; they
wanted to be able to put, in large letters
on the cover of their magazine, HOW
DID DINOSAURS DO IT?, and get a few
extra purchasers from the RBAM (Red
Blooded American Male) sect. Those of
us who have been suspicious of Omni's
stance as a "science" magazine since its inception have had our suspicions confirmed. As a scientist, if you must buy a
copy, hide it under your National Enquirer; it's less embarrassing that way.
Nobel Prize For Rhinology
One report—my favorite-maintains
the human beings breathe cyclically
out of the left and right nostrils,
using each for one to three hours at a
time. Right-nostril breathing apparently simulates the left hemisphere of the brain, while left-nostril
breathing stimulates the right hemisphere. The study goes on to suggest that awareness of such
rhinologic oscillations might help
poets, philosophers, economists,
mathematicians and others. To
generate abstract or creative ideas,
simply place the right index finger
over the right side of your nose and
breathe hard through the left nostril.
For assistance in performing quantitative or detail-oriented tasks, do
the opposite.
I am about to start breathing through my
left nostril. See you in Stockholm.
Neil Spitzer
The Atlantic. February, 1988
Contributor's Note: Imagine what
could happen if you breamed heavily
through both nostrils! Invest in
decongestants.
UBC RESEARCH
by Gwen Burton
An important issue facing B.C. salmon culture for harvest is precocial maturation; i.e.
instead offish, growing *o harvestablesize, some mates become reproductively mature earlier than nor-maL and stop^growing, Titepia, which areas important to third
world fish, culture as salmon is to B.C., appear to exhibit the same characteristic. In
&n experiment ar the University of Washmgtan, Dr. T. Ouinn, Dr, E.L. BrannOn&ndS.
Courten&y observed that Thyroid hormone Increased the fateof p-re^oekl mature
tjonifl. Chinook Salmon. Here at U.B.C; third year 2bology student Ron Bogdortov
and Graduate Student Simon Coartenay have begun, similar studies with TOapia. It
is hoped that anunderstandingof the physiology of precocial maturation will allow
its control*
The Ideal Lab Report
by Michael Gienister
Introduction:
This is a sample report, written at the end of a long day, and intended at the least to be
humorous, and poke fun at such reports, and at most be cynical. The purpose of this
report is to act as an outlet for frustrations for the student, and to give the T.A.'s/instruc-
tors something diverting to read, to help offset the boredom of reading/marking several
almost identical assignments.
Materials & Method::
This report utilized a Hyperion IBM compatible computer, a program called Wyl-
bur/PC, and a mentally unbalanced student who had nothing better to do while he was
procrastinating.
The  hypothetical experiment was designed to give the students something to do so
that you could keep them occupied and have some basis for evaluation. So materials included anything handy, chap, and easily replaced, (as most students can be real klutzes
during labs). A tew expensive items were left unattended in the open, inviting students
to try to operate them so that they would hopefully break them, and provide an excuse
to buy a new updated device (hopefully paid for by the student).
Results:
Fixed to match what the student expected, arbitrary, and totally the opposite of what
was supposed to happen. Marks are assigned on neatness, organization, and if any attempt was made to evaluate the data. If done on a computer, this section will guarantee
a pass, even if the rest of the report is garbage.
Several calculations were done, but were quite irrelevant as the underlying assumptions
were completely in error. Calculations are always done on the obvious relevant data. If
any data did not fit the expected pattern, it was ignored, and if a calculation was made
involving it, the calculation was fixed so that the data fit.
So, obviously, the data fits the hypothesis.
Tables and Figures:
Tables are usually four-legged structure surrounded by chairs, upon which Figures sit
and watch TV. Any points that were not ignored during the writing of this report, and
did not match the expected results, have been carefully omitted.
The overall impression hoped for is one of organization an authority. Neatness,
wordprocessors, and graphs are extremely helpful in this. However the basic rule of
thumb is from Murphy's Law: "Always draw your curves, then plot your reading".
If made complicated enough, this section can be useful to prevent anyone attempting to
duplicate your experiment. Best references to this are from Davson and Danielli.
Discussion:
Well, personally I felt this experiment was extremely boring and of little use as I learned
all this stuff in High School. However it passed the time, and put me closer to my B.Sc.
Perhaps if I infer something great about the prof he'll take a liking to me and pull some
strings to get me into the Ph.D. program? Well, I'll B.S. some more and conclude that my
experiment went great, and was of immense interest to humanity, then see how it goes.
Literature Cited:
Since the markers are too busy to check out whether references, particularly obscure
ones, are for real, this section can be written from the imagination. It's primary function
is to make it look like the student did some extra work anyway, so a little originality
never hurts.
Th*? 432 \ $&g& ? SCIENCE UBC
Up the Wall...
by Stella Wong - Sports
Coordinator - SUS
Can you run 1 km, sprint, swim,
cycle or drive people up the wall? If
you answer yes to any of these, then
we want you! Storm the Wall is coming - one of the largest and most
entertaining sporting events on campus. The commemorative tshirts
available this year are colourful and
the sooner you get on a team, the
sooner you 11 be able to join the
hundreds of others on campus that
will be proudly wearing their shirts.
All you need for a team is yourself
and 4 of your good friends (if your
friends are too lazy, we will put you
on one of our teams).
Storm The Wall is a relay where the
1st person sprints 400 m to the pool,
the 2nd person swims 12 widths, the
3rd person runs 1 km, the 4th person
cycles 4 km and the 5th person helps
everyone over the wall (including
himself). There are 3 categories -
men's, women's and corec. In the
corec category, women must participate in two of the four race events.
If you don't have a complete team,
come by the Science office and we'll
fill out the team for you. A team
must register in a specific heat time,
so please come by the office and see
what times are available. Remember,
all teams that compete for Science
get a damn nice looking badge and a
t-shirt (while supplies last). Any
Science teams that make it to the
semi-finals get a rebate of one-half of
their registration fee and any teams
that make it to the finals get a rebate
of three-quarters of their registration
fee ($30). Of course, any Science
teams that win (men's and women's
categories only), get 100 percent
rebate. So register yourself on a team
now! Remember, you don't have to
win to have fun. Registration ends
Friday, March 12 (12:30 pm) but you
can be sure there won't be any t-
shirts left that day.
SUDS POURED AT BIOSOC!
by Johan Stroman
The first BIOSOC Beergarden of
1988 was a tremendous success.
Friday night undergrads, professors and grad students streamed
in from all fields of Biology to unwind after a week of hard work.
Drinks were poured, and free
chips devoured. Dr. Liley's fish
tanks came in good use for cooling the beer & cider and the fish
didn't seem to mind. It was encouraging to see so many prof es-
sors taking in the event. The
room was packed by 6 o'clock
and a good portion of dedicated
biologists stayed until the last call
at eight.
On behalf of all of BIOSOC I
would like to thank all those who
attended and extend a very special thanks to all those who
helped make it such a success.
Judging from the turnout there is
a demand for more of these beer-
gardens. If possible we will hold
another one before the year end,
otherwise, see you in September.
ATTENTION ALL
SCIENCE
STUDENTS
ANNUAL GENERAL
MEETING
SUB BALLROOM
1:00pm to 2:00pm
Thursday March 24th
Purpose: To vote on increase in
Science Society Fee increase from $5 to
$10. Find out more and
EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE.
- please bring your AMS card -
NEXT ISSUE...
• Election results.
• Info on next year's registration system - telereg
Categories/Frtees
I.Open 1st prize:
Bushnell
Binoculars, 2nd
prlim Gift
Certif io&te ($10)
2, My Obsession *
H»mitwi»niiiMMMiiiiiiiiiiiMnmmiii»iMmH»Mt
1st prize: Fuji
Film ($25), 2nd
prize: Gift
Certificate $10}
3* it Came Frofti
UBC- Ut prize:
Fuji Film ($1%
Sndjprizet <Mft
Certificate ($10)
4* Iii between * 1st
prize: Fuji Film
($15), 2nd prize**
Gift Certificate
($10)
w
CAP^S
2. subrntototv. m.Y »      ^^ „, m0I. fl»»
3   *"    ' JL .. *• **' mU,t '"* «-« «"**"   ^
JUDGING: 2912^ WO*"*      Van.
i ow* .R15 Lonsda»e Ave-   •
OTHER;.^am*,*»'»£ll~
2. S.WWW *«> *« w „wb«*»
3. Phoioi a*"""
TW. w -or*  olB0,Y
SPONSORED
BY:
'"ffc
THE 432
MOMEN11
The &B& « F&&* &
p-j^-5

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