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The 432 Feb 24, 1988

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 UBC Archives Serial
!   t.
SCIENCE   ELECTIONS 1988!
by Vinee Jiu
Have you ever considered running for an executive position on the Science Undergraduate Council? Here
is your chance. Nomination forms are available in Scarfe 9 and ten positions are open: President, Vice-
President, 2nd Vice-President, Treasurer, Secretary, AMS Representative, Sports Coordinator, Social Coordinator, Publications Coordinator and Public Relations.
Nominations close on March 2 (6:00pm) and the elections will be held on March 9,10 & 11. Coverage of
each of the candidates running will be in the next issue of The 432.
If you can make the difference, why not run for a position? You may just surprize yourself.
WEDNESDAY
February 24th, 1988
Issue #11
THE WORLD
ACCORDING TO
STUDENT
BLOOPERS
The inhabitants of Egypt were called
mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the
inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by
irritation. The Egyptians built the
Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The pramids are a range of
mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.
In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses,
Adam and Eve were created from an
apple tree. One of their children, Cain,
asked "Am I my brother's son?" God
asked Abraham, to sacrifice Issac on
Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac,
stole his brother's birthmark. Jacob was a
partiarch who brought up his twelve
sons to be partiarchs, but they did not
take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph,
gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to
make bread without straw. Moses led
them to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread make
without any ingredients. Afterwards,
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten commandments. David was a
Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
He fought with the Philatelists, a race of
people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500
wives and 500 porcupines.
Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have
history. The Greeks invented three kind
of columns - Corinthian, Doric and
Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a
female moth. One myth says that the
mother of Achilles dipped him in the
River Stynx until he became intolerable.
Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by
Homer. Homer also write the "Oddity:,
in which Penelope was the last hardship
that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer
but by another man of the name.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher
who went around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an
overdose of wedlock.
In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races,
jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw
the java. The reward to the victor was a
coral wreath. The government of Athen
was democratic because the people took
the law into their own hands. There were
no wars in Greece, as the mountains
were so high that they couldn't climb
Continued under "BLOOPERS" page 3
i
S-»«
■ #
ttVMflnr
The RAINDEER was the mascot that helped three Science
Centipede Teams to victory!
SUS PRESIDENT WILL RETIRE
by Jean Guay
Todd Abiett, Science Undergraduate
Societv president for 1987-1988 will
not seek re-election for the coming
year. Asked if ho would run for
another position, Todd said that he
will stay active.- with SI'S but only as
an Fx-Offido fScience Sales
.Manager). This ended speculations
that f'odd might run again siiue
main people tried to convince him
to '■eek preside. v\ for .mother \ear
because of the strong leadership and
inspiration he provided to SUS and
to the Faculty of Science. Most,
however are satisfied that lie will
stay invoked withSUS to provide
advice to the new council. All Todd
hopes is that the now executive will
take pride in the position thev seek.
Candidates, .vho feel thev are organized and determined should
serioush consider pai'licipr.tmg in
their I ndorgradii.iteSociolc. \o experience is necess,irv as
demonstrated b\ ihis vear'1 main-
council members who just came
"out of the blue" in the 19*7 Elections to assume their new position -
all it takes is determination and
hard work. In return, council members gain valuable experience and
personal growth.
A detailed job de-u-ription for every
position on the executive ol the
Science Undergraduate Society wn^
provided b\ lodT Abiett on page
two ot this i-.Mie '.*    ■"■:  -i-1   -
SCIENCE UBC
THE    POSITIONS...
Objectives of the Science Undergraduate Society
a) To co-ordinate the activities of the various existing Science student organizations.
b) To sponsor events of general interest to all Science students.
c) To promote relations between professionals in the field of Science and the Science Undergraduate Society.
d) To act as a liaison between Science Undergraduate Students and the faculty of
Science.
e) To act in the interest of Science Students, on campus and in the community.
f) To uphold the rights and privileges, and env ire full and proper student representation, as provided by the governing bodies of the University of British Columbia.
g) To assist incoming first year Science students and to orientate them to university life.
Duties of the all Executive
The Executive must be Science undergraduate students and fully intend to be Science
undergraduate students during their term of office which is from April 1st to March
31st.
All officers of the Science Undergraduate Society shall be responsible for their personal
promotion of all Science events through such avenues as word of mouth, class announcements, and posters as requested by the Public Relations Committee.
All officers of the Science Undergraduate Society shall post and maintain regular office
hours during their entire term ot office.
All officers of the Science Undergraduate Society shall regularly attend all Council meetings and be a member of at least one standing committee.
All Executive Council members during their term of office shall keep accurate written
records of their activities and submit these along with any recommendations as an annual report which must be submitted by April 1st. If this report is not submitted then
any honorarium or refunds to the executive in question shall not be turned over to him
or her until the report is submitted and accepted.
All newly-elected Executive Council members must submit a proposed budget for their
term of office by the date requested to the Budget Committee.
Duties as defined by the SUS constitution.
President:
i)  To chair meetings of the Society, the Executive and the Council.
ii) To represent the Society to the AMS Student Council or appoint a representative.
iii) To know and uphold the Science Undergraduate Society's constitution.
iv) To vote only in the case of a tie (except in the case of a secret ballot in which the
President votes).
v)  To supervise and direct the duties of the Council.
vi) To act as a liaison with Science clubs.
vii) To ensure that elections are held for all vacant Council and Ex-Officio positions.
viii)Is a member of the following Standing Committees.
1) Budget Committee
2) Public Relations Committee
3) Science Week Committee
ix) To act as an Ex-Officio member of all other Science Undergraduate Society committees.
1st Vice President:
i)  To assume the duties of the President in his or her absence.
ii) To co-ordinate all academic affairs of the Society.
iii) To assist and work in conjunction with the President.
iv) To represent the Society to the AMS Student Council or to appoint a representative.
v)  To recommend people to Council for the following Ex-Officio positions:
1) Academics Council Co-ordinator
2) Blood Drive Co-ordinator
3) Open House Co-ordinator
4) Elections Commissioner
vi) To co-ordinate any elections or referenda.
vii) Is a member of the following Standing Committees:
1) Alumni Committee
2) Science Week Committee
viii)Is a member of the Academic Sub Council.
2nd Vice President:
i)  To co-ordinate all activities related to the social aspects of Science students both on
the campus and in the community.
ii) To co-ordinate a Science outreach program to High Schools.
iii) To recommend people to Council for the following Ex-Officio positions:
1) Charity Co-ordinator
2) Black Hand Co-ordinator
iv)Is a member of the following Standing Committees:
1) Social Committee
2) Science Week Committee
v)   Is a member of the Athletic Sub Council.
Secretary:
i)  To carry out all normal correspondence of the Society
ii) To send notice of forthcoming events to the Faculty
iii) To record the minutes of the meetings
iv) To keep the minutes on file in the Science Undergraduate Society office and with the
AMS Archivist
v)  To make copies of any proposed Amendments and distribute them to all Council
members within one week of receiving the proposed Amendments
vi) To inform the Public Relations Co-ordinator and Publications Co-ordinator of the
proposed amendments so they can insure proper notification of the proposed amendment is carried out
vii) To co-ordinate the distribution of Executive awards
viii)To receive and distribute all of the Society's mail
ix) To collect annual reports from Council members, Year Reps and Ex-officio officers
for the Science Undergraduate Society files and the AMS Archivist's files,
xii) To be responsible for the purchase, maintenance and use of office supplies and
equipment.
xiii)Is a member of the Budget Committee
Treasurer:
i)  To be responsible for the finances of the Society
ii) To submit all budgets as required by the Director of Finance of the AMS.
iii) To obtain estimates of all proposed expenditures
iv) To sign all requisitions of approved expenditures
v)  To work in conjunction with the incoming treasurer in preparing the next year's
budget
vi) To recommend to Council and work closely with the Science Sales ex-officio officer
vii) To chair the Budget Committee
Publications Co-ordinator:
i)  To publish the following:
1) Summer mailout
2) Election ballots
3) Student directory
4) Tickets for events
ii) To co-ordinate the production of all posters and banners,
iii) To co-ordinate the following publications:
1) The Science Newspaper (the 432)
2) The Science Yearbook
iv) To ensure publication of items requested by the Executive and items requested by
Council.
v)  To Recommend the following Ex-officio Officers to Council:
1) The Science Newspaper Head Editor
2) The Science Yearbook Editor
vi) Is a member of the following Standing Committees
1) Budget Committee
2) Public Relations Committee
vii) Is a member of the Science Newspaper Council.
Sports Co-ordinator:
i)  To be the liaison between the Science Athletic Council and the Science Undergraduate Society Council,
ii) Is the Head of the Athletic Council,
iii) To chair Athletic Awards Committee
iv) Is a member of the Budget Committee
v) To keep Science Newspaper Council informed of the activities of the Science Athletic
Council.
Social Co-ordinator:
i)  To be responsible for organizing and co-ordinating all social functions of the society.
ii) To have booking privileges with the AMS.
iii) To Chair the Social Committee.
iv) Is a member of the Science Week Committee
v) To supervise the sale and distribution of tickets for the Society's functions
Public Relations Co-ordinator
i) To co-ordinate the promotion of all Science Undergraduate Society events.
ii) To co-ordinate the timing and posting of all poster and banner material.
iii) To arrange any press releases to the Media.
iv) To chair the Public Relations committee
v)  Is a member of the following Standing Committees
1) Social Committee
2) Alumni Committee
3) Science Week Committee
vi) To co-ordinate the infiltration of the University media systems
vii) To keep Science Newspaper Council informed of the activities of the Science Undergraduate Society Council.
AMS Student Council Representative
i)   To keep Council informed of the activities of the AMS Student Council.
ii) To attend AMS Council Meetings
iii) To keep Council informed of any AMS rights or privileges that we are entitled to.
iv) To keep Council informed of any AMS procedures we should be aware of.
v)  To be a liaison between the Council and the AMS.
vi) To act as Council's agent to the AMS if directed to do so by Council.
vii) To keep Science Newspaper Council informed of the activities of the AMS Student
Council.
Submitted by Todd Abiett, SUS President 1987-1988 	
Todd will be remembered as the person who revived the Science Undergrad Society.
I.N. STIEN by Ken Otter
Biologists
ponder
the
reasons
for the
unusual
seating
behaviour
found in
4th year
Physics
lectures.
The 432 - page 2 SCIENCE UBC
BLOOPERS
from page 1
"Where's my mama?"      -Martin Lampa
SUS Vice-President.
UNDER THE STUDENT'S T-TEST
During Christmas examinations, a evaluation was conducted for a Biology
course - Biol 300 Biometrics. This course was taught by Dr.C.F. Wehrhahn in
section 101. Results were compiled and given to the 432 for publication.
Out of 190 students in the class, there were 104 respondents. Ratings go from
1 (strongly agree) to 5 (strongly disagree).
Question 1: "Professor communicated clearly at an appropriate level." Class
Average Strongly Disagreed (4.51)
Question 2: "Professor was available outside class." Average Undecisive (3.2)
Question 3: "Professor adequately answered.questions in class." Class Average
Disagreed (4.4)
Question 4: "Professor utilised class time effectively." Average Disagreed (3.9)
Question 5: "It was easy to take good class notes." Average Disagreed (4.2)
Question 6: "Labs were effective and helped understanding the course."
Average Agreed (2.1)
Question 7: "Content of course is important in Biological Sciences." Average
Agreed (2.1)
Typical comments:" Prof is sympathetic but he cannot teach", "Lab T.A.'s were
very helpful."
This survey was conducted independently of The 432 and the Science Undergraduate
Society. It is the policy of the SUS Acadamics Committee to investigate commendations & complaints lodged by students. The 432 printed the survey contrary to the
recommemdations of the Academics Committee and the department involved. The new-
paper believes that students have the right to be informed.
CORRECTIONS
Dr. LeBlond is currently the Head of Oceanography, not Dr. Calvert as
mentionned in the last issue.
Dr.Turrell is currently the Head of Physics, not Dr.Williams as mention
in the same article.
The editor apologizes for having overlooked the article since these two
Heads granted interviews to the 432 last semester.
MATH ROCKS!
Math Sweatshirts are now
available at the Math Annex
Room 1119. Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays
12:30 to 2:30. On SALE for
only $17.00.
UBC.
MATHEMATICS
Science Sales
We have just
received a new
limited shipment of
Leather Melton
Jackets.Thev will be
available while
supplies last for $120
(reg $140).
This is the last
shipment of the
year!
At Scarfe 9 onlv
over to see what their neighbors were
doing. When they fought the Parisiens,
the Greeks were outnumbered because
the Persians had more men.
Eventually, the Ramons conquered the
Geeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for
very long. At Roman banquets, the
guests wore garlic in their hair, Julius
Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed
him because they thought he was going
to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrant
who would torture his poor subjects by
playing the fiddle to them.
Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred
conquered the Dames. King Arthur lived
in the Age of Shivery. King Harlod mus-
tarded his tropps before the Battle of
Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by
George Bernard Shaw, and the victim of
the Black Death grew boobs on their
necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided
that no free man should be hanged twice
for the same offense.
In medevil times most of the people were
alliterate. The greatest writer of the time
was Chaucer, who write many poems
and verse and also write literature.
Another tale tells of William Tell, who
shot an arrow through an apple while
standing on his son's head.
The Renaissance was an age in which
more individuals felt the value of their
human being. Martin Luther was nailed
to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible
death, being excommunicated by a bull.
It was the painter Donatello's interest in
the female nude that made him the father
of the Renaissance. It was an age of great
inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented
cigarettes. Another important invention
was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis
Drake circumcised the world with a 100-
foot clipper.
The government of England was limited
mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had a abbess on his
knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin
Queen". As a queen she was success.
When Elizabeth exposed herself before
her troops, they all shouted "hurrah".
Then her navy went out and defeated the
Spanish Armadillo.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance
was William Shakespear. Shakespear
never made much money and is famous
only because of his plays. He lived in
Windsor with his merry wives, writing
tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of
Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady
Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill
the king by attacking his manhood.
Romeo and Juleit are an example of
heroic couplet. Writing at the same time
as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He
wrote "Donkey Hote". The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote
"Paradise Lost". Then his wife dies and
he wrote "Paradise Regained".
During the Renaissance America began.
Christopher Columbus was a great-
navigator who discovered America while
cursing about the Atlantic. His ships
were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the
Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the
ocean, and that was called the Pilgrim's
Progress. When they landed at Plymouth
Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who
came down the hill rolling war hoops
before them. The Indian squabs carried
porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their
cabooses, which proved very fatal to
them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one
for the settlers. Many people died and
many babies were born. Captain John
Smith was responsible for all this.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary
Wars was the English put tacks in their
tea. Also, the colonists would send their
pacels through the post without stamps.
During the War, Red Coats and Paul
Revere was throwing balls over stone
walls. The dogs were barking the
peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists
won the War and no longer had to pay
for taxis.
Delegates from the original thirteen
states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Ben
jamin Franklin were two sings of the
Declaration of Independence.
George Washington married Matha Curtis and in due time became the Father of
Our Country. Then the Constitution of
the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the Contitution
the people enjoyed the right to keep bare
arms.
Abraham Lincoln became America's
greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died
in infancy, and he was born in a log
cabin which he built with his own hands.
When Lincoln was President, he wore
only a tall silk hat. He said, "In Onion
there is Strength." Abraham Lincoln
write the Gettysburg address while
traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also
signed the Emasculation Proclamation,
and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the
ex-Negroes citizen. But the Clue Clux
Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-
Negroes and other innocent victims. On
the night of April 14,1865, Lincoln went
to the theater and got shot in his seat by
one of the actors in a moving picture
show. The believed assinator was John
Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment
was a reasonable time. Voltare invented
electricity and also wrote a book called
"Candy". Gravity was invented by Issac
Walton. It is cheifly noticeable in
Autumn, when the apples are falling off
the trees.
Bach was the most famous composer in
the world, and so was Handel. Handel
was half German, half Italian and half
English. He was very large. Bach died
from 1750 to the present. Beethoven
write music even though he was deaf. He
was so deaf he wrote loud music. He
took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven
expired in 1827 and later died for this.
France was in a very serious state. The
French Revolution was accomplished
before it happened. The Marseillaise was
the theme song of the French Revolution,
and it catapulted into Napoleon. During
the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads
of Europe were trembling in their shoes.
Then the Spanish gorrilas came down
from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's
flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder
problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inheret
his power, but Josephine was a baroness,
she couldn't bear him any children.
The sun never set on the British Empire
because the British Empire is in the East
and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a
throne for 63 years. Her reclining years
and finally the end of her life were ex-
emplatory of a great personality. Her
death was the final event which ended
her reign.
The nineteenth century was a time of
many great inventions and thoughts. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus Mc-
Cormich invented the McCormich Raper,
which did the work of a hundred men.
Samuel Morse invented a code of
telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a
cure for rabbis. Charles Darwain was a
naturalist who wrote the "Organ of the
Species". Madam Curie discovered
radium. And Karl Marx became one of
the Marx Brothers.
The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch Duck by a surf,
ushered in a new error in the anals of
human history.
The blunders were
assembled by a History
teacher named Richard
Lederer.
COMPUTERSMITHS
Word processing & Desk Top
Publishing. Thesis My Speciality
Symbols & Foreign Characters
Available . Ask About our Laser
Printer Services!
3732 Broadway (At Alma)
224-5242
The 432 - page 3 SCIENCE UBC
Elections
ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE
Positions available to any Science Undergraduates of The
University of British Columbia.
Positions available: PRESIDENT
VICE PRESIDENT
2nd VICE-PRESIDENT
TREASURER
SECRETARY
AMS REPRESENTATIVE
SPORTS COORDINATOR
SOCIAL COORDINATOR
PUBLICATION COORDINATOR
PUBLIC RELATIONS
\'^, ,  %#*#x, ----''i?
Nomination forms and complete job descriptions can be
obtained from the Science Undergraduate Society (SUS) in
Scarfe (Education Building) Room 9 or contact the Election
Commissioner, Ernest von Rosen, at the Physics Society
(Physsoc) in the Hennings building.
Nominations close March 2nd 1988. 6 pjtl  Elections will
open from March 9th to March 11th 1988.
£> Fbple {or each -feam
<D - Spnnt 400 m
© - 'buuim   300 m
© - run     1   km
® - c\/cle   6 km
(§) - extra  person +o climb wall
© -  spare
Commemorative,
Bf\DGES,F0K ALL
Teams storming-
For'science"
PREREGI5TRAT10M--f=to8-2fe ^ 5CAKFE9
REGISTRATION :H^-mm\\{^Z'llZ^
Categories/Prizes
1. Open 1st prize:
Bushnell Binoculars
2nd prize: Gift Certificate ($10)
2. My Obsession  1st
prize: Fuji Film ($25)
2nd prize: Gift Certificate ($10)
3. It Came From UBC
1st prize: Fuji Film
($15) 2nd prize: Gift
Certificate ($10)
4. In between 1st prize:
Fuji Film ($15) 2nd
prize: Gift Certificate
($10)
Sponsored by:
2912 West Broadway 736-3461
1615 Lonsdale Ave., N.Van.
986-3471
The 432 - page 4
ti4M&S&&ii;,^r-: .V

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