UBC Publications

UBC Publications

UBC Publications

The 432 Sep 6, 1989

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UBC Archives Serial
The Newspaper of the Science Undergraduate Society
§/olume 3, Number 1
by Aaron Drake
David's story is a sad one. It
was the night before his final
exam. He was hungry. He was
tired. He ordered pizza.
The tragedy unfolds.
Unwittingly, David
ordered pizza from the worst
pizza joint in town. He waited in
the commons block of his residence for seven hours. When
the pizza came, the delivery
boy, who was loaded on crack,
demanded a tip. He didn't get
When David awoke the
next morning in the hospital, the
pizza was there beside him:
cold, stale, and completely
They even forgot the
extra mushrooms.
224-0001. Arguably, for UBC
residents, Panagopolous is the
best bet. While the pizza is
average, the prices are better
than most. What makes this
pizza stand out, however, is the
courtesy of the people working
there. They almost always
deliver on time, if not ahead of
time. The drivers are friendly
and make an honest effort to
get you your pizza. They will
deliver anywhere on campus,
unlike most other businesses.
Give them the building and
room number and they will
bring it right to you.
2) Sasamat Pizza. 224-3333.
Here we have the granddad of
local pizza. Sasamat has been a
favorite of students for years,
is friendly. The prices reflect the
quality, however. Any two for
one joint is cheaper.
4) White Tower.738-9520.
What can we say? Good pizza.
Good service. Expensive price.
They deliver.
Ordering pizza is
a serious business. Go in with
your head up.
5) Brick Oven Pizzeria. 228-
1822. Placing Brick Oven in the
company of the pizza joints
continued on page 4
September 6,1989
Derek Miller
New Shoots
Wild Campus
Hie Art Of Science   6
How Not To Study    8
That's Trivial! 8
(For a large Ham and
Pizza 222
Brick Oven
White Tower
THE    BEST     AND     THE    WORST     -
1) Panagopolous
2) U.B.C.
3) Sasamat
4) White Tower
5) Pizza 222
6) Brick Oven
7) Dunbar
8) Johnny's
1) U.B.C.
2) White Tower
3) Brick Oven
4) Panagopolous
5) Dunbar
7) Sasamat
8) Pizza 222
1) Brick Oven
2) U.B.C.
3) White Tower
4) Panagopolous
5) Johnny's
6) Sasamat
7) Dunbar
8) Pizza 222
1) Brick Oven
2) U.B.C.
3) White Tower
4) Panagopolous
5) Sasamat
6) Dunbar
8) Pizza 222
Don't let this happen to
you. Ordering pizza is a serious
business. Go in with your head
up. Being new to the university
will be no excuse when you get
a small pizza instead of the large
that you ordered. And for
GOD'S SAKE, order only two-
for-one specials, unless you
have a craving for cuisine-but
hey, you're a student: you can't
afford taste.
So here they are: all the
pizza establishments in the area
that deliver to UBC:
1) Panagopolous Pizza.
being one of the first to introduce a two for one special. The
prices are good, and the staff
are well versed in handling
cantankerous students. Be
warned, though. Sassamat is famous for greasy pizzas-the ones
that go down oh-so well at three
in the morning.
3) U.B.C. Pizza. 224-4218. This
gem can be found in the village,
right beside the Chevron station. Their proximity is what
makes them one of the best.
U.B.C. pizza isn't a typical
pizza joint-it's a restaurant. The
food is excellent and the service
*i *-- n™» *> «w
KU'H som.m computers cancelled
m Mt>TRKT\0r4. VIEYT VlBSL...
I.N. STEIN is a copywritten cartoon; if you wish to reproduce it you must
have written remission from the artist, Ken Otter. Contact through the 432. YEAR AND DEPARTMENTAL REP ELECTIONS COMING SOON !
If you take a walk
along East Mall, you'll come
to a humble little monument
to UBC. It's nothing really;
there is a little stone cairn
with a plaque. On that plaque
is the motto of UBC.
Tu um est: It is yours.
Another translaltion
is, It is up to you. I think this
one is more fitting of UBC.
The university does
not cater to the student. Many
first years, not knowing this,
walk into the school year with
their heads down. This is not
high school anymore. You
may come and go as you
please, and no one will be
behind you telling you to read
a chapter or do your homework.
The student has to
cope with a type of culture
shock, going from the rigidity
of high school to the freedom
of university. There are
programs to help the student
get by, such as seminars on
improving study habits, but
these are few and far between.
The truth is, you are
being forced to learn free will.
The time to be taught has
gone. Now is the time to
learn. No one will look over
your shoulder and say "This
is what is the truth," but
instead there will be someone
who will say, "This is what
we think is going on." My
teacher in grade 12 told me
that quasars were large distant
galaxies. My astronomy
professor told me that they
may be large distant galaxies.
The word may interchanged
for is makes all the difference,
because now it is up to me to
decide what is right.
In your classes, your
professors will be teaching
you their opinions, but by no
means do they expect you to
adhere to them (with exceptions of course - watch out for
English profs). Don't make
the mistake of accepting their
word as gospel. If you do that
you will be parroting instead
of learning.
The university doesn't
want parrots, and that is why
the system works like it does.
You can't have total freedom
of your beliefs if a professor or
counselor leads you around the
campus by the hand. Do you
want to learn today? Fine. Do
you want to skip classes? Fine,
it's up to you. The option is
there. No one will come around
and shoo you to class.
Yet, the sudden release
from the confines of high
school is dangerous. Too many
students wander around in a
daze for the first while of
school adjusting to the freedom.
They are like prisoners released
from jail, wondering what to do
now. In the long run, they find
themselves not attending class
and not studying. Then they
scramble at the end of the term
to get a passing grade so that
they can repeat the process all
over again.
Don't fall into the trap.
Go in with your head up.
You've been given total free
will. Use it wisely. Choose to
learn. It's up to you.
Aaron Drake is the editor of thi
432, and mtess you want m
hear mghtpages afMspffifath
dapirap, it wmldbe best that
ym drop by Chem IfiOaad
mite a few articles. God Mp w
C JnU3Ml£> 1K X
The Chem Clufc
would like to an-,
nouace that its first
meeting will take
place in Chem 222 on
IMrsday, Sept 7, at
Anyone interested iri
joining our club is encouraged to attendthe
meeting andhelp start
off the new year. For
more information,
please contact Sylvia
that Ernest Hemingway began as a writer for
his school newspaper?
Well, maybe he did. The point is that if you want to
be a writer, the best way to do that is to write. Anything.
Get down to Chem 160 for cry in out loud! Unlike
certain unnamed newspapers on campus, you don't
have to subscribe to any particular oudook on the
establishment to write for the 432. The truth is, we
don't care about your silly-ass opinion, anyway. But
we do want your talent, and we want you to write
about whatever the heck is on your mind.
The 432 needs writers, photographers, artists (cartoonists! We need cartoonists!), and editors. Drop by
CHEM 160 and give us your name, a submission, or
advice. Yes, we welcome advice. For more informa-
SUS Council Needs You !
SUS council is composed of the Executive, elected in
March, plus representatives from all year groups, departments and clubs in Science.
Club representatives are appointed by the club concerned
but year and departmental representatives are elected by
their peers.
Becoming a representative on SUS council will enable
you to get involved with the society at the decision making level. You will also get an opportunity to meet more
or your fellow Science students as well as some of the
other motivated eccentrics that make up the SUS council
Duties of Representatives on council include attending
meetings (specifically: weekly SUS Council and Academics Committee meetings as well as the one or two
faculty meetings that happen during the year),
voting on behalf of their represented group at meetings
and helping to keep Science students informed of important upcoming events - either via posting posters or doing
in class announcements.
Iff y©un air© nimtt©ir©stt©(dl firm DD©<g©iniiifiiiiig a <2©tiiiini<snD
ir©ipir©s©imttaltnv© them HUJEEY?
Nominations open Septemher 7th and close on the 22nd
For more information contact SUS at our office
in CHEM 160 (tel 228-4235) or talk to your local
Science Club executive
by Derek K, Miller
Having been at UBC now for
more than three years, I have
come to assume certain things
about the way it operates. Somewhere in the back of my mind I
thought (even though I knew
otherwise) that the AMS had
always been in SUB, that Science had always been a strong
campus presence (or at least a
faculty), and that, in essence,
things had always ran the way
they do now. Engineers had
always been obnoxious, the
Bookstore had always charged
too much for books, and Artsies
had always complained about
how obnoxious the Engineers
A little while ago my mother,
on one of her visits to town, presented me with something she
had dug out of her voluminous
archives. It was the 1956-57
UfiC Student Directory. Flipping through it revealed that, in
many ways, I was right in my
thinking; in others I was totally,
completely, and utterly wrong.
At the time, UBC had 7000 students, the AMS fee was $18 a
year, and the budget was
$250,000 (it's $1.3 million
now). One of the AMS Council
members was a former Miss
Canada, the Ubyssey came out
three times a week instead of
twice, and every student at UBC
was automatically covered by
accident insurance. The Bookstore had just moved into the Bus
Stop location on Main Mall, the
Biology Club and Physics society both lacked presidents, and
White Spot guaranteed eight
parking spots at every restaurant.
Here are some excerpts for your
"This is the abridged edition of
the Student Directory and
Handbook...all the generous
fund of information traditionally
supplied on these pages had been
incorporated into a new publication, Tuum Est...and all that,'
and distributed amongst the
Frosh. The idea behind this deletion was simply that after the
freshman year few, if any, students, really need the informa-
tion that was so painstakingly set
out...There will be no short lecture on Tuum Est."
(Referring to Peggy Andreen,
AMS Secretary) "Contrary to
student opinion, sitting on Mr.
labour's (The AMS President}
knee is not part of Miss
Andreen's job. She does that
because she likes to."
"Marc Bell (Clubs Committee
Chairman) is studying ecology,
which he says has something to
do with plants. It sounds dirty to
us though."
"The office of the Dean of
Women must approve all applications for women's housing fa
cilities whether on or off the
campus. Applicants should
enquire further at the Dean's office, Room A, in the Arts Build-
"Freshmen should heed this
warning that campus coffee, despite its unpalatable taste and
disquieting viscosity is to be unquestionably accepted as one of
the traditions of UBC. It is, in the
this respect, much the same as
the football team, having always
been that way."
"Women students, being the
dainty things they are, are provided with Common rooms on
the second floor of the Arts
Building and at north end of
Brock Hall in the smartly decorated Mildred Brock Room. A
major project of the Women's
Undergraduate Society last year
was to relieve the rooms of their
stiff, Victorian atmosphere."
"All cases of illness, including a
common cold, developed during
the academic year, MUST BE
SERVICE AT ONCE - personally, if on the campus, or otherwise by phone. After an illness,
students must report to the Health
Officer for an inspection before
re-admission to classes."
"Campus organizations are required to hire either student or
union dance orchestras for their
social functions. Clubs which are
in doubt about this ruling should
checkwith the Coordinator of Activities."
"(Parking) fines are $1.00 a time,
a welcome change from the traditional fining policy, which was
based on an acute understanding
of geometric progression."
"Famous Players downtown and
continued on page 8
N©W ShOOtS Episode One: Direction
by David W. New
T o those dedicated eggheads who
work on campus, the last week iii
August is marked by the annual
trudge of Foresters up and down
Main Mall. They go in pairs joined
by lengths of carefully measured
rope or wire. They move forward
steadily, slow, stop, bark a brief
command at each other, and the
front forester hammers a spike into
the ground while the rear forester
pulls one up. Then the whole
episode starts again.
Each pair traverses the
length of the Mall, from B-Lot to
the Faculty Club, at least six times.
There may or may not be prizes.
It seems a rather involved
fashion to learn one's way around.
But perhaps it works. The Ubyssey
has never published a story about a
forester getting hopelessly lost
outside the MacMillan Building.
And the maps UBC provides its
incoming students with have never
helped: there are pseudo-isometric
projections in the calendar with no
index and only half the buildings
marked, ancient billboards around
campus which still place the Bookstore at University Boulevard and
Main Mall (whence it moved in
1981), and library maps which
define buildings' rough outlines
enough to be recognizable to any
Ph.D. student.
Personally, I haven't had
much trouble since the beginning
of first year, when I walked into the
Faculty Club thinking it was Totem
Park, stood for an hour in front of
the Henry Angus Building under
the delusion that it was the Math
Annex, and nearly missed my first
class at the university when I spent
an hour trying to find my way through
So, specifically to first years,
but also to everyone else who's at all
likely to venture into areas of campus
never before seen by human eyes - or
their own, anyway -1 encourage you
all to head by the SUB and grab an
Inside UBC. Yes, this is propaganda,
but with a point. This year's Inside
UBC has the best campus map I've
ever seen in my life. It's got all the
roads, all the buildings (including
CPAX, whose fences they finished
The Ubyssey has never
published a story
about a forester getting hopelessly lost
tearing down just the other day), and
even all the paths in the Nitobe
Gardens - they're all labelled and
they're all indexed over three pages,
with addresses.
I'm impressed, anyway.
If I ever see a pseudo-
isometric map in another university
publication, knowing that such a
wonderful tool as this new map
exists, I doubt I'll let its editors get
away with it. Why, I'll write letters
... I'll boil them in carrot juice...
Well, I'll write letters,
The only thing left for the
University to do now is to crack
down on the room numbering
system. Every building on this
campus has its own system - except
Chemistry, which assigns numbers
at random - and none of them make
any intuitive sense. Perhaps the Administration thinks this is funny - an
idiot-proof way to make sure only
geniuses (genii?) manage to attend
their classes. Perhaps the higher-
year students think this is funny - an
old Ubyssey headline in the Pit
reads, "If You Can't Find Your Way
Around, You're Too Stupid To Be
Here Anyhow." Perhaps the AMS
thinks this is funny - they seem to
treat bureaucracy as an art, and frequently commit it for its own sake.
But one thing is certain:
that this travesty of rationality
cannot be considered funny! The
architects are smiling now, blissfully oblivious in their aesthetic
bungalows, but they'll be the first
against the doors when the revolution comes!
Yes, something can be
done! Let a law be passed requiring
that all odd-numbered rooms be
facing north! Decree that four-digit
room numbers be permitted only in
buildings with ten or more floors,
and one and two-digit numbers
never! Stand for this blatant chaos
no longer! Fear not - rather, fight
for your sense of direction!
On the other hand, I
suppose it does make for a convenient excuse.
Dave New once observed that
while ^catamaran' almost
rhymes with 'battering ram/ any
song written with such a chorus
would not crack the top ten,
Adedicaied ABBA faa.he is
fond of the notion of eating Com
Flakes for breakfast and fully
intends to try them someday.
Dave New has eaten at
least one bagel.
The 432
Hey you!
If you're a first-year, a frosh, a freshman, or
merely someone who's just starting university,
then arrive at CHEM 150 - the big lecture hall in
the basement - on Thursday the 7th!
If Your Last Name
Begins With:
A, B.C.D, orE
F.G.H, I.J.orK
L, M, N, O, P, Q, or R
Then Show
Up At:
And whether you're a frosh or not, show up at
War Memorial Gym at 3:30 on Thursday for the
University's big Welcome Back Ceremony do!
(All late afternoon classes cancelled!)
Like, be happy,
Friday, November 17, is the Science Undergraduate Society's big big bzzr and band
bash!! Tickets are $5 and include one free bzzr or pop. Look out for further details on
posters and advertisements later!
Get your tickets early from Chem 160 or SUB Box Office.
continued from page 1
below is an injustice, but the
above four, for various reasons, are better for the student.
The Brick Oven bakes their
pizzas in a real brick oven.
The oven is wood-fueled. The
pizza is truly uniquerthe crust
has a very distinct flavor, given
by the wood fire around it. I
recommend the Brick Oven if
you are going out on the town;
of all the places listed, the
Brick Oven is truly a restaurant. However, the prices
reflect the quality. The minimum order for delivery must
be $20.
6) Dunbar Pizza. 224-2233.
While not a horrible pizza establishment, Dunbar Pizza is
mediocre. The pizza is average
to poor in comparison, and the
staff are not all that friendly.
They aren't too reliable.
Sometimes they close early or
open late. Its redeeming feature is its blandness. The
pizzas aren't horrible. They
will deliver at no charge, and it
will get there.
7) Pizza 222. 222-2222. All
you've heard about Pizza 222
is true-true-true. The crust is
The 432
thin, the sauce is bland, the
toppings sparse. The last time I
ordered pizza, I was put on hold
for two minutes. I had to listen
to-God help me-MUZAK!
8) Johnny's Pizza. You don't
want the phone number. I can
honestly say that each of the
three times I've ordered from
them, I've had to wait for two
I can honestly say
that each of the
times that I've
ordered from
Johnny's Pizza,
I've had to wait for
two  hours.   Do.
Not. Order. From.
hours for my pizza. That was IF
I got the pizza at all. A typical
phone conversation would go
like this:
(Dial the phone.)
"Johnny's.Hold." Click, and
dead silence. I'm still in the
middle of my'hello?'
After about fifteen seconds, I'm
taken off of hold.
I pause, a little uncertain.
"...Hello?" I venture.
"Yah. Johnny's," comes the
reply, in a hurry-up-dammit
"Do you deliver?"
"Yah." Dead silence.
"Can I get a two for one deal?"
I order the pizza. Is that the end
of it? I'm afraid not. With
Johnny's you have to follow up.
You have to phone them and remind them that yes, you are still
waiting for your pizza.
Do. Not. Order. From. Johnny's.
IT's hard not to mention Bella
Pizza, but I didn't because they
do not deliver. Bella's pizza is
one of the best in Vancouver,
and has the added bonus of
coming by the slice if that's
what you want. Unfortunately,
Bella does not deliver out to
The will not be responsible
for any hardships incurred If
you choose to Ignore this
article which took five years
to research, We estimate
that wo ate about seven
humired, pizzas;
Answers to That's Trivial on page 8
l.Miss American Pie.
3.Girls on Film.
6.Martin Luther King Jr.
7.The Sex Pistols.
8.Miami Vice.
9.Satisfaction (Rolling Stones).
11. Valium.
15.Marilyn Monroe.
16.David Jones and the Lower
17 Janis Joplin.
18.Louis Jordan (1945).
19 .Nuclear Fallout.
20 Joe Liggins, Sugar Lump,1946.
BQ: Alan Freed.
»» »
Do you remember that
little trouble we had iasi
year aboul our tuition fees
going up 10 %? Thai
meant an additional in*
come of around four roil-
They said that the money
was desperately needed
and their hands were tied*
They had to raise ourtul-
Weil, if you were to walk
over to the north side of
the SU8, you would see
the new home of the U8C
Totem pole, in a cute ilttle
The price? Abmti tm m#«
lion dollars.
Desperately needed?
Hey ►there's twomiion left
to pay for expense ac-;
Aiid to ail you %st years:
weicometoUBG. Rease
walk stooped over so &at
you can kiss the
administrata's as&
HEuo Ac,*!* /,No v/cti'one
To Mi/tuAI. <3i-_ /Uoha's
^^j,       Tooav we nave
Ct2'TTl5A  -re   SHOW
You.   ■
^al. Live onCjoc,!
3VN6IAK1 viev of
Ti£nin6 to OTHtR
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AwrHftor^'VO.^v English,
U»0K6"0 UKf
In AOOition
/»£TSl£s  £E'S(/,_Aft(.y
SoSi-wr to
Next up:
the: PHYS ED
begins Tues. Sept. 5 in Che[m 160
*Save almost 40 % on
Bookstore prices
*Bookstore sale price: 500
sheets for 3.99
(400 sheets for 3.19)
©m PH0©Es m® &M9U
Wait to buy your paper and save a bundle.
Proceeds to student activities and not to
administration profits.Sponsored by SUS.
Thank you, oh Lucifer, for helping
us to create this issue of the 432.
Thanks, Beast, for your 60MB of
hard memory, for without you,
Lucifer, the exalted SUS Macintosh SE would be an expensive
That's the way it was, Volume 3,
Number 1, Wednesday, September 6,1989.
Editor: Aaron C. Drake
Writers (in no particular order):
Devan Fauste, Aaron Drake, David
W. New, Ari Giligson, Derek
Miller, Antonia Rozario, David
Way, Tanya Rose, Keith McCall.
Artists: Ken Otter, Aaron Drake
Layout: Aaron Drake, Ari
Giligson, Derek Miller, David W.
Printed by College Printers Ltd.
The 432, believe it or not, is a
serious paper, with a circulation of
4000 wacko science students. As
silly as it seems, writing for this
paper provides invaluable experience and might even help you get a
job. Don't be shy. Drop off an article, letter, or cartoon, and you
have my undying gratitude. If it's
good, I might even buy you a beer.
Ha. The 432 needs your input and
your support so please submit.
Have a nice day.
■    Hey dudes and
■duaeties would this
1 look hot on a Neon
T-shirt or what ?
If you like this design
come in and pre order a
100% cotton flour
shirt fromSciencel
Science sales
custom silkscr
your Science intj
team - but
eens for
ra murals
If you have some graphic art
gkjILjmdJJiink that you can
th an even better
the SUS will be
vide you with a
o opportunity
conic upu;
design the
glad to prjj
I Science Sales will soon have all your
favorite Science stuff available some
sizes still left over from last year
The 432
September 6,1989 For the next page we will conduct a test of the emergency broadcast system.
The Art Of Science
by Devan Fauste
I read, a while back, about a
supercollider being built in the
US which would help us study
the conditions of the universe as
they existed fractions of a
second after the Big Bang.
Everyone was excited all to beat
heck, anticipating leaps in
knowledge of particle physics.
The collider would cost two
billion dollars.
Two billion dollars rolls
off the tongue easily. Do you
realize how much two billion
dollars actually is? For two
billion dollars, you could put a
student through university for
the next million-plus years.
You could buy Mexiburger
platters from the Pit for everyone in China.
But if you sit a particle
physicist down, if you can slow
one down long enough to talk to
him, and ask him what benefits
mankind will achieve from this,
what kind of answer do you
"Er, ah..."
Precisely. Confirming
the presence of a Higgs boson
cannot in any way spin off great
technological advance. To
create a Higgs particle costs two
billion dollars! Scientists can't
use the excuse of technological
furtherance on this project.
Knowing the conditions of the
Big Bangs first microsecond is a
pursuit that only satisfies curiosity.
Then, why is this supercollider being built if it is only a
toy for particle physicists? God
only knows; somehow, the
lobbyists managed to convince
congress that it was a worthy
pursuit. Now, the United States
has a giant colliding ring that
won't help at all in advancing a
cure for cancer. They have giant
radio telescopes that search for
intelligent life, but they still
don't have a national medicare
Priorities? It's in the
dictionary, right after Pompous
Pursuit of Physics.
The point is, a supercollider is pointless. How long do
we give a scientist expensive
toys when the only justification
for these toys is the pursuit of
trivial knowledge. Yes, that's
right In comparison to a tidbit
like superconductivity or the
technology to transplant organs,
the Big Bang is trivial. The pursuit of a wonderful theory of
the beginning of the universe
belongs on the blackboard until
they can think of a way to
confirm it that costs less than
the gross national product of a
small developing nation.
The pure scientist would
argue that to limit the pursuit of
How long do me
giue a scientists enpensiue
toys when the
only justification for these
toys is the pursuit of triuial
knowledge by denying funds is
a violation of a basic right and
can only serve to erode freedom. This argument can be
shot right back: how can science
justify spending two billion
dollars on a supercollider when
that means there will be two
billion less dollars to spend on a
cure for AIDS? More important,
though, is the question of who is
in control? Is the tail wagging
the dog? Are we letting the fear
of limiting the pursuit of knowledge cloud our vision? Scientists tell us the only way to
confirm a theory is to spend two
billion dollars. If we don't, then
study in that realm will even-
tully become stagnant. Morally,
don't we have the obligation to
fund the pursuit of truth until
the end?
We must always pursue
truth, and we must never deny
someone the chance to pursue
it. At the same time, however,
we must give certain knowledge
and truth priority over others.
The building of a supercollider
could have waited until more
important projects received
funding. I mentioned AIDS
research before; how long
would it be before a cure was
found if unlimited funds were
poured into the medical community? Two billion dollars
would go a long way.
Two billion dollars
would be appreciated by those
studying supreconductivity.
Two billion dollars would
surely see a new method to
dispose of toxic waste. Two billion dollars would feed the
Yet people in America
go hungry. People die of diseases while research starves for
funding. Somewhere down in
the Southern United States,
however, a handful of people
are finding out exactly how the
quarks recombined at the
beginning of the universe.
These people spent two
billion dollars to live in the
Devaa Fauste will have a tegalat
colamn in the 432 as soon as he can
give u&a name tot it Take note tb£t
the<32 encourages responses to any
editorials and that l>evanfis worthless
opinion does not always reflect the
opinions of &e 432 editorial staff,
who faiow everything,
is actively soliciting
any photos, records,
publications or
memorabilia for our
archives. No matter
how trivial it may
seem, any information will help us
reconstruct our
history. Early Science jackets are of
particular interest. If
you wish to keep the
items, we would be
glad to photocopy or
photograph them.
Call 228-4235
The   Biology Society
Grad Functions
Study Space
Course Advice
(nudge wink)
Did You
... that the odds of two people in
the same room passing gas
within thirty seconds of each
other are 5760 to 1 against?
...that the odds of two people in
the same room passing gas within
thirty seconds of each other if the
first one is heard is only 17 to one
...that a person weighing 70 kg
with constant nonstop flatulence
would accelerate to 99 % of the
speed of light in only 512 years?
...that if everyone in China farted
simultaneously at midnight, the
earth would be knocked out of
orbit and would fall into the sun,
sending us all to a horrible fiery
...that if everyone in the world
except China farted simultaneously, the earth would compress,
and the resulting increase in
pressure would cause a horrendous jet of magma to shoot out of
the earth's center, through China,
killing each and every person
The 432
Comment Ari
(Well Aaron thought it was a clever name)
Let' start with a few facts to clear up confusion about undergraduate societies.
-Each school or faculty at UBC has a specific student society associated
with it.(Eg. Science, Arts, Engineering, Nursing, etc.)
-A provision of the Board of Governors makes clear that students in each
school or faculty shall be members of such a student society and shall pay
an appropriate fee. (Eg. Science=$10/yr. Arts=$7, Engineering=$18)
-Each such student society sends representatives who, along with the
AMS executives, comprise the AMS (Alma Mater Society) council.
-The AMS is the overall governing body of student societies at UBC.
So, what does each of the societies do with their money? Many
of them hold beer gardens, sell clothing, put out a newsletter and provide a
place to eat lunch. The SUS (Science Undergrad Society) does these
things and more. In fact I'm convinced that
SUS members (ie. all Undergrad Science students) have the best opportunity to get the most for their membership fees.
"But hold on a minute," you say,"why are these SUS people
constantly putting up posters and banners, harassing me in may classes,
trying to get me involved in all sorts of intamurals sports and activities,
etc, etc?" Because we are convinced that there is more to a University
education than listening to lectures and reading books. Of course that sort
of stuff is important but if it were the end all and be all of University then
we may all might as well be taking courses by correspondence.
"So, what is important at University?" The people. I mean the
Students (no matter what faculty they may be registered in), the
Proffessors, the T.A. 's, the janitors, the vagrants. Everybody here on
campus is part of this strange and wonderfull University environment
They all have thoughts and ideas. Some of these peoples ideas you may
have read in texts, some ideas you may have suspected that only you alone
held and some ideas that you have never conceived.
"You mean to tell me that I will become a more well rounded
person by attending a beer garden, or dance?" Yes. If you have never
been to a club beer garden at UBC then you are missing a lot. You don't
have to drink beer to gain acceptance, and you may find a few faculty
members there who you had never considered to be real people, in fact,
are. And who knows, you may meet that very interesting male or female
that you sit across from in lecture.
"Alright, but why are you people constantly trying to get us
involved in sports? I mean, I'm no Jock." The SUS has very close links
to UBC intramurals. Intramurals has fun and exciting sports teams and
Sports: the SUS way of
Getting In Shape
By Keith McCall: SUS Sports Director
Let it be known that Science Students not only work,
but play as well. This year, Intramural sports at UBC is
offering, once again, a huge variety of sporting events.
There's only one "real" way for a Science Students to get on
a winning team: come to SUS.
The Science Undergrad Society offers a way of
staying in shape, and pays you to do it! Actually, every
Science student who registers for an Intramural event costing
more than $6.00 per person (exc. Arts' 20, Storm The Wall)
gets rebated 50% of the cost of entering the event as long as
you register as UNIT Science,
You see, every year there is a competition between
various Undergraduate Societies (Oh..say, Engineers) to see
who will prove that they have the most spirit. We all know
that SCIENCE has the most spirit, so we try to gain the most
Intramurals sports points to prove it. Two years ago Science
won the overall title in both Women's and Men's, and last
year won the Women's title but just narrowly were beaten by
the EUS (Engineering) for the Men's.
So, come out and participate in a variety of events,
read the UPCOMING SPORTS EVENTS every time you
read the 432. Register with us during the times noted to get
your Sports; Rebate! Have a great year with Intramurals and
programs suited for both the proficient and also just those who like to go out
and toss a ball or frisbee around for a few hours just for fun. Quite a comarad-
erie builds up in an intramurals team, especially a Science or a Club team (thus
we encourage inter club competitions). And there are fewer harsh feelings
between club teams when they realize that even if one of them lost they both
earned sports points for the SUS. Don't forget faculty members are also
encouraged to participate in these intramurals events for Science and will receive partial rebates from SUS. And, if you think all this sports stuff is just that
horrible, icky male/female bonding - wrongo •• most events have co-recreational
"What if I just wanted to check out what you SUS guys are up to
without making any heavy committment?" Simple, come by the office, read
some of the postings we have up for participation in small projects or events, go
to a social event, buy an article of clothing, read the 432 (mats what your
reading now - and it comes out every two weeks on Wednesdays), go sit in your
local club office at lunch time and meet some of the people there.
"And if I do want to come help in a more involved way?" Then run
for election as a Year or Departmental representative, become an SUS Sales
Person, help us put up posters for events or come by the office and ask how you
can help. If you wish to see how SUS council works we hold weekly meetings
in SUB (Student Union Building) in Room 206 or 212 on Thursday at 1:30.
A final word. Don't go through your 4 years of an undergrad degree at
UBC with your head down, trapped in tunnel vision. If you are in first year
don't be afraid to meets new people. Of course it's easier to hang around with
the people from your high scool or your residence but if you take some time and
use some bravery you will discover that you have much in common with many
of the people around you even though they may not be from the same town,
province or country.
After all, it is up to you - but we're here to help.
(Ari Giligson can be reached in various ways - use your imagination.)
Ad Gillgson is our Beloved President, In his third year here
at UBC. His dedication and perseverance sets a shining
example for us all, I said al) this with a straight face, too.
Upcoming Sports Events
B-lot Cycle Criterium
Autumn Softball Tourney
Cycle Hill Climb
French open Tennis Tourney
Field Hockey (7 a side)
Ice Hockey (Women and Men)
Handley Cup Soccer
Logan Cycle 200
Broomball Bash l&ll
Arts "20 Relay
Volleyball (Men, Women and Co-rec)
Ball Hockey (All leagues)
Basketball (Men and Women)
Registration Date
Sept 5-15
Sept 5-22
Sept 5-27
Sept 5-29
Rec Fac Take Two
(the second Recreation Center Referendum)
In 1988, the AMS held the first Recreation Center referendum which passed with a
majority vote of 60%. Subsequently the University increased student tuition. As a result of
the increase, some AMS members brought forth a petition requesting a second referendum.
The wording of the new referendum question shall be: "Are you in favour of continuing
the $30 annual fee that has been added to your AMS fees for the construction and
operation of the Student Recreation Center on Mclnnes Field next to SUB?"
The center is to include:
-a gymnasium similar to the size of War Memorial Gym
-dance and martial arts areas
-club offices, storage, meeting places and quiet inside seating
-UBC intramurals sports storage and offices
-modem locker area
Cost: Construction(phas;e I)$9.5 million, Operating $200 000 per year.
At the SUS Council meeting of the 7th or 14th we will be deciding our stand, if any on the
by Antonia Rozario
If I had listened to some
of the advice certain 'professionals' have given on how to
study effectively, I would be out
of school and cleaning toilets in
prisons by now. Whenever I
have reflected on the reasons
behind my substandard grades, I
have always come to the same
conclusion-I am totally irresponsible and completely lack any
effective study habits.
The only advice I can
give to the reader is to keep the
following set of points in mind.
This is a list of what NOT to do
(which I do, consistently).
Do not study near a refridgera-
tor, freezer, or other food
-Chances are, by the time
you've studied 1/4 of your
notes, you will have consumed
8000 calories and your face will
have taken on a pizza-like
Do not study near a TV set.
-Try as you might to concentrate
on the work at hand, your efforts
will be in vain. David Letterman
reruns will start to look good,
Wanted   to   buy:   Sharp  5050  calculator.  Phone 228  3116.  Ask  for
Wanted:   one   SUS  president   to
replaoe   the   current   one   which  has
become obsolete ever  since    Ari!
Hi!   This?  Nothing,   really.   Hey,   put
that down.  Ari,   no!   Please!
AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa !	
T.T. Why are you never home? Call
ne. F.D.
Physsoc Message #1: Don t fool
yourselves! Physics is reality!
Physics is power! Gain ETERNAL
knowledge from the equations of
MAXWELL! Learn the secrets of the
mystical electromagnetists! Ya
getta use the microwave, too. Room
307, Hennings. 55 gets you a study
carrel, a Physsoc ID card, and
admittance to the Secret Society of
the Quantum Mechanics!
Andy: Betcha wish you were in
Science. More chicks. Gung-Ho.
Physsoc Message #2: With
Physics you will learn the secret of
the great Coke Machine in the
Physsoc lounge! Pop for only 65
pennies! Oops-gave away the
secret. Oh, fudge. Room 307,
Hennings building.
and you will find yourself
compelled to watch how
Cagney's ingrown toenail
surgery turns out.
Do not live within an hour's
drive of a 7-11.
-Eating dinner there for more
than three consecutive nights
will make you look like rectal
tissue and smell like rancid
Refrain from drinking more
thanl7 cups of coffee in a night.
-Keep in mind that your 3-hour
exam is tomorrow : you will
probably bring your bladder
into the exam room.
If you have already disobeyed
the above rule, do not forget to
consume large quantities of
rock salt.
-It's better to look like the
Michelin Man than to piddle
under your desk in the Armouries.
Do not study in Sedgewick's
snack bar area.
-It may look cool to thumb
through a 6-inch biology text,
Personal   to   the   Android   from
the  Steroid Plantoid:   One!
Antonia:     HipHopHappy    Birthday,
and thank  you very much,   but  we
are all  stuffed.  From the gang that
wants to cone over again for supper
when   we   are   REALLY  hungry.
Physsoc   Message   #3:  Come out
and   join   the   oldest   undergraduate
club on campus.  Only $5 gets you a
study carrel,   the use of our rock
and   rollin     library,   plus  massages
from a  naked masseur,   and boy had
you  better   compliment   him  on  his
technique.   Microwave,   fridge,   sofas
coming out  of the wazoo,   donuts
everyday,   cheap pop,   noon hour
lectures,     and more!  Room 307,
Hennings.    Free    tutoring!
Lockers   available   in   Computer
Science   building.   Full   and   half-
height.   Cheap  rates.   Come  to  CSCI
203A  or   call   228-3033.
Personal   to   Android:   Two!
Tobin:   please  post   any  classifieds
that  you would  like to have  in the
432   on   the   BULLETIN   board,    and   not
the    chalkboard.
Note that our classifieds section kicks
butt on any other classified section
that yoa would find on campus. Our
classifieds cost only three dollars, and
if you can prove to us that you are a
science student, it will cost you only
two dollars. YeeHawl Every additional line beyond five will cost a
Staggering 25 cents
(ads subject to publisher approval!)
but will you learn anything?!?
Do not take a short nap at 10pm
so that you will "wake up
refreshed for further studying."
-Chances are, you will sleep
through the night and wake up
30 minutes after your exam has
started. This is very upsetting
and may cause your heart to
beat 30 times its normal rate.
Do not recopy a legible set of
notes just to make them "more
-It's better to study a full set of
notes written in crayon than half
of a set written in calligraphy.
Do not study from anything
called a study guide.
-These were written by people
with minimal intelligence; they
are aimed at students who will
probably fail anyway.
Above all, do not ignore notes
just because your professor
guaranteed you that they
wouldn't be on the exam.
-Professors are, in general,
schizophrenic. They will deny
almost anything if they don't
like your face.
mtamm ifessario is ear
mx&ed stud? session *
Odeon theatres throughout the
city accord a reduced admission
rate to students upon presentation
of (an AMS card)."
"Redshirts - very boorish fellows
The document also includes
some songs and cheers, but I'll
save those for another article. (By
the way, it also includes a complete list of addresses and phone
numbers of every student on campus.)
Derek Miller is oar AMS
Rer>* Obviously^ being last
year's editor of the 432 Jasi
wasn't good enoagh lor him.
by Tanya Rose
Do you want to play some trivia?
Well, here we have twenty questions
for you to test yourself on. The first
ten are easy, and the next become
prgressively harder.
Good luck!
Theme : Rock and Roll
1-10: Easy
I .What was the name of the song that
told of the death of Buddy Holly?
2.What band has a one-armed drummer?
3.What Duran Duran video was
banned by numerous television stations for being too steamy and explicit?
4. Who is Gordon Sumner?
5.What band did Eric Clapton play
with before going solo?
6.Who is U2 referring to in the song
Pride (in the Name of Love)?
7.What band did Johnny Rotten belong to (before PIL)?
8Por what TV series did Phil Collins
write In the Air Tonight?
9.What song was recentiy votedthe
all-time best by Rolling Stone Magazine readers?
10. What band cried out the plight of
the Australian Aborigine?
II What was "Mother's Little
Helper", according to the Stones?
12. What was the only number one hit
by Kiss?
13. Where did Jimi Hendrix first play
the Star Spangled Banner?
14. Who founded Bandaid?
15. Who is Def Leppard referring to
in the song, "Photograph"?
16-20: Hard
16. What was David Bowie's first
commercial band?
17. Who was the lead singer of Big
Brother and the Holding Company?
18. Who was the first singer ever to
have his music referred to as "rock
and roll"?
19. What was Prince referring to in
his song, "Purple Rain"?
20. Who was credited as having made
the first ever music video (that is, a
flick devoted only to promoting the
song itself)?
This fifties DJ is considered one of
the fathers of rock and roll. He was a
powerful force in the music world
until his downfall at the hand of a
senate comittee investigating 'payol'.
His show was originally called "The
Moondog Show". Who is he?
Answers on page 4
1-10:   1 point
11-15:2 points
16-20: 3 points
The 432
September 6,1989


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