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The 432 Feb 23, 1989

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Full Text

 A
'V
M-
UBC Archives Serial
SCIENCE  U.B.C.
NEWSPAPER
Volume 2, Number 10
THE NEWSPAPER FOR SCIENCE STUDENTS
February 23,1989
A Sinister Tale
by Russ Monger
There is much concern these days about
discrimination and the rights of minorities, yet mere is one mistreated minority
that has not made much progress toward
winning equal rights — left handers.
Discrimination against them is of a different kind. They live in a world where
common objects: and tools are made for
the needs and convenience of the right
handed majority. In Canada, only about
one person in ten is left handed and as a
result most things are made for right
handers. Many left handers have difficulty dealing with everyday right
handed objects such as can openers,
wrist watches, or scissors. Even telephone dials, twist off bottlecaps and
playing cards are designed for right
handed use. Guitars are strung for right
handers. Cars with manual stick shifts
are all made for right handers. The list
goes on. Guns and fishing rods are
designed for righties. Screwdrivers
aren't, but screws are. If you are right
handed, try and screw one in with your
left hand sometime.
Even language is slurred against left
handers. The French word for left is
gauche, meaning clumsy or awkward
while the word for right is droit, meaning
clever or skilful. The Romans thought
that the right hand stood for sun, light
and everything good. They thought that
the left hand stood for the moon, darkness, and everything bad. Their word for
left was sinister, meaning unlucky and
evil. Their word for right was dexter
which is synonymous with correct.
Handshakes are always with the right
hand because trie Romans developed it
for the lucky right side. In English, right
connotes correct and left connotes clumsiness — the word ambidextrous indicates "two right hands" while bad dancers are considered to have "two left feet".
Studies of the Stone Age reveal that in
primitive times people made tools and
weapons that could be used in either
hand, perhaps indicating that there were
probably the same number of left handed
as right handed people.     During the
Bronze Age, the percentage of left
handed tools (and the percentage of left
handers) dropped off. Why should this
be? One possible reason is that a warrior
could protect his heart by holding a
shield directiy over it with his left hand.
This meant he would have to hold his
spear in his right hand. As warriors
taught this tactic to their sons, it became
a tradition. (Remember, in these pre-
anatomy times, people thought the heart
was on the left — not in a central position).
Although no one knows for sure what
factors lead to handedness, all the experts agree on one thing: handedness has
something to do with the way the brain is
setup. The right hemisphere of the brain
controls the left side of the body while
the left hemisphere of the brain controls
the right side of the body. This has
implications. Each side of the brain has
its own special abilities;. The left side
usually deals with language, math and
logical thinking, while the right has
more to do with the senses, creativity and
the arts. For right handed people it is
possible that the left side of the brain is
dominant and for left handed the right
side of the brain is dominant; hence
lefties are often thought of as being creative or artistic. If you are a left hander,
try to keep the following proverb in mind
next time you become frustrated trying
to operate a right handed can opener: "If
the right hemisphere of the brain controls the left side, then only left handers
are in their right minds".
Handedness is not fixed at birth but
develops gradually as a baby grows. It is
found that for the first two years or so a
child will alternate between using one
hand or the other, without actually showing a preference for either. Often a
parent will incoirrecdy assume that the
child is left handed and may try to
change this by handing the youngster
blocks and toys from the right side or by
switching the spoon from the left to the
right hand. At the turn of the century,
teachers would slap children' s left hands
if they tried to write with them, forcing
them to conform to right handedness.
There  are  different  degrees   of  left
handedness or right handedness. Most
(see Lefties, page 2)
In this issue |
AMS Report
5
Nazis                                    5
Biosoc
everywhere
Oceanography                       5
Buildings
6,7
On This Date                        3
Credits
5
RecFac                                6
Dik Miller
2
Ski Trip                               3
Dumb Questions
3,5
Speakers                              4.
Election
1
Sports                                   8
I.N. Stein
Lab Lafs
Lefties
1
5
2
Uncle Rusty                        4
Well, I bet you were expecting some non-
Letters
3
existing page with sex arid violence or
Memory
6
free money on it. Sorry. Hot this week.
s<£n@nn<e®
Unndloirgirffidliinffift© S©de(ty
IEsecBnftfiv® Efl©cftfi(D)nns
IMPORTANT INFORMATION
FOR ALL CANDIDATES:
■ The SUS executive election nominations closed on
Feb. 22. If you haven't handed in your signed nomination form yet, well, it's too late now.
■ The campaign begins March 23 and continues to March
7. All Candidates are required to pick up the Candidate elections package from the Elections commissioner by Feb 27.
■ Also, election submissions for the 432 and candidate
photos (camera ready) must be submitted to the editor
of the 43:2 by 4:32pm, Feb.28. If you want your photo
taken, and you are available, there will be photo sessions meeting in Scarfe 9 on Thursday, February 23,
1989 and Monday, February 27, 1989, at 12:30. For
further information and/or to get your picture taken
outside these times, please contact Derek Miller (432
editor) in Scarfe 9 before the deadline.
The elections will be held from 10:30 to 2:30 on
March 8 to MarchlO, so everyone should bring out
their AMS card and vote. Remember, it's your student
society, so let your choice be known during the elections.
• We need people to man the polls during the elections.
We will pay $4.00/hr for poll clerks, so if you are
interested, contact Irene Dorocicz, Elections Commis-
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g&ry&N vstr iy>\l£, - ztA*. &4&?
As I.N. STEIN is a copy written cartoon, if you wish to reproduce it you must
have written permission from the artist, Ken Otter. Contact through the 432. STORM THE WALL - GET TEAMS IN NOW!
.LettieS (frompage 1)
of us acknowledge if we are left or right
handed on the basis of whether we use
the left or right hand for writing, but this
may not necessarily be the hand used for
other tasks such as throwing a ball, buttoning or zipping clothing, or eating.
Many of us use one hand for certain tasks
and the other hand for different tasks.
How many of us catch a baseball right
handed, but bat left handed? Or how
many write right handed but hold a
hockey stick left handed? It should also
be noted that people also show a preference for either the left or right eye as well
as left or right footedness.
Not only do humans exhibitleftandright
handedness, but other animals do too.
The left claw of the Fiddler crab is much
larger than its right claw. It uses the left
one for food-gathering and protection.
Some fish, such as the Flounder, has
both eyes on the same side of its head.
Some Flounders are right sided and
some are left sided. Most mollusc shells
are of a right hand coil, but each species
has a few anomolies that coil the other
way. Rams and goats have horns that can
be either left handed or right handed
coils. Approximately 65% of lemurs are
left handed.
Living successfully as a left hander in a
right hander's world takes more than an
ordinary share of persistence and independence. Still, left handers do have
some advantages. Left handed boxers
and tennis players often confuse their
opponents who are used to competing
against righties. Typewriter keyboards
are designed with more of the commonly
used letters on the left. In baseball, left
handed batters have a shorter distance to
run to first base.
There is an organization for left handers
called Left Handers International that
tries to emphasize the positive aspects of
being left handed. They put out a
monthly news magazine called LEFTY
that offers news of left handed people
and events such as golf and tennis tournaments and new products designed for
left handers. For more information
about this organization write to:
Lefthanders International, 1 Townsite
Plaza, Topeka, Kansas, 66607.
Incidentally, U.S. president George
Bush is the 4th left handed president.
Other famous lefties include Babe Ruth,
Ben Franklin, Jimi Hendrix, Paul McCartney, Leonardo da Vinci, Charlie
Chaplin, Robert Redford and Marilyn
Monroe.
Trivia: The term Southpaw was coined
by a Chicago newspaper in 1891. The
old baseball park in Chicago's west side
was laid out facing the west, so that a left
handed pitcher was pitching with his
south paw.
The 432 is created through the mysterious powers of "Lucifer," the SUS
Macintosh SE, who has a bountiful
1MB of memory; and his trusty sidekick, "The Beast," a 60MB hard disk
drive. Articles and headlines arc in
Times font, with the occasional
Helvetica headline here and there.
Laser printing was done on an Apple
LaserWriter and printing was done on
good old-fashioned Canadian newsprint. Have a nice day.
Dik Miller, Campus Cowboy
I was walking quickly, rather than
driving, from SUB to Traffic and Security HQ, thinking that the exercise
would do me good. Besides, my
souped-up, stripped-down, lean-mean-
slug-machine royal blue Chevy Bel Air
was in the shop having its latest Dik
MillerTM super-patrol gadgets
installed, and T&S wouldn't provide
me with another vehicle in the interim.
I had been taking the bus to work,
which was disconcerting. Every morning, somewhere on Broadway between
Cambie and Oak, an old, disheveled
gendeman in Armed Forces regalia
which must have been forty years old
(and which had not been washed in that
time, it seemed) ambled onto the bus and
sat beside me, proceeding to tell me
about the war and how awful it was and
the hell he'd been through but how it had
all been worth it and how it wasn' t really
so bad because of the cameraderie
amongst the boys and the nice guns and
things they got to play with.
I had gotten tired of this routine after a
couple of day s, and had switched seats. It
didn't matter. He found me anyway and
told me about the absolutely smashing
tanks they had when they were storming
the German lines, and how nicely they
were painted, and how the Germans ran
and yelled strange German things at
them. So a couple of days later I stood.
He stood next to me and told me about
how beautiful the sky was at night after
a bombing raid, with all of the red and
orange and smoke, and how he collected
bits of shrapnel, which were actually
quite beautiful when they weren't flying
at lethal speeds through the air. I was
getting very tired of this, but the other
buses running in the morning would
deposit me at UBC either horrifically
early or far too late. I had no alternative,
and resolved to wear a very loud Walkman from then on, so that I could avoid
hearing about how collecting shrapnel
was quite hard these days, with only a
few car bombs and things happening
each year.
Anyway, I was walking across the
intersection of East Mall and University
Boulevard when I tripped and fell flat on
my face, sending my Mexiburger Platter
flying under a nearby bus. Needless to
say, I was a little annoyed, and as I stood
up and brushed myself off I looked
behind me to see what the culprit of my
tripping had been.
It turned out to be what looked like a
grapevine which poked its way out of a
small hole in the cover of a manhole in
the middle of the intersection. I assumed
that was not normal and turned to give it
a closer inspection, whereupon it
promptly dropped back underground.
Something fishy (or at least decidedly
marine) was going on here, and I was
going to find out what it was.
I rummaged through my pockets for
my Dik MillerTM collapsible carbon
composite crowbar/chestnut screw and
extended it to its full length. Then I
brought out a set of police flares and
some collapsible orange plastic cones
and cordoned off the area around the
manhole. I jammed the crowbar under
the edge of the manhole cover and
heaved (pulled, that is; not barfed). The
cover didn't budge. I went around to the
other side and leaped into the air, intending to land feet first on the crowbar.
I failed on the first attempt and spent
several minutes writhing on the ground,
then got up and tried again. This time, the
manhole cover sprang open and
landeded with a deafening kerrang!
upside down on the pavement I peered
down into the hole, oblivious to the
peculiar stares from passers by. A ladder
was bolted to the wall and led down into
darkness. I collapsed the crowbar and
brought out my Dik MillerTM 500,000
candlepower Force Blast® pursuit
flashlight and my Dik MillerTM extra-
heavy-duty climbing rope, clipped the
end of the rope to the top rung of the
ladder, and lowered myself into the
abyss.
I hit floor some time later, and flicked
on the flashlight. My surroundings were
lit by a blinding glare which promptly
darkened as the batteries ran out and the
filament melted its way through the lens
and oxidized into oblivion in a short puff
of smoke. I was in darkness again, dimly
lit from the manhole, but my eyes were
still trying to recover from the blast; I
could see less than nothing (?).
I heard an ominous clang! and looked
up to see the manhole being closed over
again. I was plunged into even more
absolutely blacker darkness than I had
been in before.
This, I noted mentally, sucks.
"Welcome to the UBC Steam Tunnels, Mr. Dik Miller, Campus Cowboy,"
echoed an ominous voice from somewhere in front of me.
"Er, who are you?" I bleated in what I
hoped what a fearless voice, but knew
couldn't be that great, considering that I
had started my query with an "er."
"Mwahahahahahahaha," the voice
cackled.
"What an interesting name," I replied.
"How do you spell that?"
"Hoohahahahahahahooha," the voice
guffawed. "You're doomed, Miller,
doomed I tell you."
I looked about, not seeing much, since
it was still black. "Oh."
"Do you have any last requests?"
"Wait a second here. What exactly do
you mean by that?"
"I mean that I am asking you whether
you have any requests before I kill you."
I paused. "Why would you want to do
an awful thing like that?"
"Because you have discovered my
stronghold."
"Who exactly are you?"
"I won't tell you that"
"What if I make it my last request to
find out who you are?"
"Sorry. That's not an option."
"Oh, I see. Limiting my last requests,
are you? That's hardly fair, is it now?"
"Well," the ominous voice somehow
managed to sound sheepish, "it's the
only condition."
"Okay then. My last request is for you
to set me free and not kill me."
"It wouldn't be your last request then,
would it?"
He had a point. "What if I promised
never to make any requests until I die?"
"I can't be sure."
"Okay then," I mused, trying to think
quickly. "My last request is for a bevy of
beautiful, highly intelligent and skilled
female Ninja warriors to come in and
rescue me."
"Sorry."
"Gee, you're really being a stickler
about this, aren't you?"
"I could get you a cigarette."
"Make it a black forest ham on rye and
you have a deal."
"Done."
I turned on my backup flashlight (a
regular Eveready©) as a sandwich came
flying out of the darkness in front of me
and landed at my feet.
"Aw," I whined. "Now it's not clean."
"Eat it!" boomed the voice.
I munched slowly. Between mouth-
fuls, I asked another question of this
mysterious entity. "Would you please
tell me who you are?"
"No."
"Pretty please. Please please please
with a cherry on top?"
"No."
"I'll be dead soon anyway."
"Well...alright. I'm Zor."
"That's useful," I muttered. "Er, Zor
who?"
"Just Zor. You know, like Roz backwards?"
"What are you?"
"I'm moss."
"Sorry?"
"I'm a mutant strain of highly intelligent, genetically engineered moss that
escaped from the Biology building two
years ago and has been growing in here
ever since."
"I see," I said, which, of course, I
didn't.
"I have to kill you because if any of the
professors find out I'm here, they'll
mulch me."
"Aw, they wouldn't do that," I lied.
"Yes they would. They were going to
when I escaped."
I burped.
"You're finished your sandwich. Now
I have to kill you," the moss declared.
"Oh good," I sighed.
"Aren't you scared?"
"Shitless," I replied honestly.
"Good. Well, here goes."
Out of the gloom emerged a massive
form, a dull green glob of pseudo-leaves
and non-vascularized tissue, moving at
remarkable speed towards me. It was
somehow horrifying and fascinating at
the same time as it undulated its way
across the floor, moving by some means
I could not determine. Just as it was
about to spring, I unleashed my surprise.
From my right hip pocket I withdrew
a medium-sized bag of moss killer I had
been saving to take home and use on my
lawn, and from my left I drew out a Dik
MillerTM Stun-o-Matic concussion
grenade. I wrapped the bag around the
grenade, pulled the pin, threw the explosive, and dove for cover.
"What the...?" was all Zor had time to
emit when the grenade exploded, sending moss killer everywhere. Then there
was an awful, pitiful bryological scream
as he started to disintegrate and crumble.
I sprung for the ladder and scaled my
rope to the surface. Another concussion
grenade was all that was needed to blast
the cover off the manhole and get me
safely to street level. I rushed over to a
nearby Physical Plant truck and grabbed
a large bag of moss killer, hauling it over
and dumping it down the hole. A low,
moaning wail escaped from below as I
emptied the bag and slumped down,
exhausted.
(see Dik, page 3)
The 432
February 22,1989 STORM THE WALL - (JET TEAMS IN NOW!
BIOSOC Elections     More Dumb Ques-     On This Date...
1989 -1990 tions
Letters
For:      President
Vice-President
Treasurer
Secretary
Seminar Coordinator
2 Social Coordinators
Sports Coordinator
Graduation Chairman
2 Graduation Assistants
Graphics Coordinator
Academic Committee Rep
Advertising Coordinator
Sales Representative
BIOSOC has had Beer Gardens, Field
Trips (U of W, and N. Vancouver Fisheries Lab), Intramural teams (ARTS 20,
DAY OF THE LONGBOAT, CENTIPEDE RACE, and STORM THE
WALL), T-Shirt Sales, a Video Lunch,
Professor Guest Talks, Gyotaku fish
printing, and Academic Forum for 1st
and 2nd year BIOLOGY students, and
the upcoming BIOLOGY Graduation at
the VANCOUVER AQUARIUM.
Here is your chance to get your feet
wet and help organize next year's
events. ALL interested Biology students are encouraged to take on a position. No particular experience is required. Help keep Biology and BIOSOC
active and involved next year. With your
support and participation we can set a
landmark for Biology at UBC. Fill out
the forms in Biology 2521 or drop a note
off at the BIOSOC Hut (Map on BIOSOC BOARD outside Biol 2000) including the Name of the Nominee, Year
(ie. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th or still trying),
Position sought, Phone number, and
Nominator.
Nomination forms in Biology 2521
(Biology Office)
Nomination Deadline: Friday 4 pm,
February 24, 1989. Nominate yourself
or a friend.
Elections: Tuesday, 12:30 pm in Biology Rm2449, February 28,1989
Dik (from page 2)
After making a report, I headed back
to SUB for another Mexiburger platter,
since mine had been crushed by the bus.
In the back of my mind I wondered what
might have become of Zor had I not
discovered him (it?).Funny: no animal
would have fallen for the old "black
forest ham on rye" delusion tactic.
Another case closed for Dik Miller,
Campus Cowboy.
by Russ Monger
1. What was King George VI's first
name?
2. What kind of a tree is a Douglas fir?
3. Where did french fries originate?
4. German silver is composed of three
metals: copper, zinc, and what?
5. In which state was playwright
Tennessee Williams born?
6. The American warship "Old Iron
sides" was made of what material?
7. What country has the world's largest
Spanish speaking population?
8. In what season does the action take
place in Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream?"
9. In what state is the Colorado
Desert? The Florida Mountains?
The Missouri Valley?
10. What do honeybees collect?
11. What is the ninth planet from the
sun?
12. In what state was the Kentucky
rifle first made?
13. In what year did the war of 1812
begin?
(answers on page 7)
by Russ Monger
February 23,1931
Objecting to portrayals of "dancing
skeleton", moving picture censors in
Copenhagen banned future showings of
Mickey Mouse cartoons as "too macabre
for children's audience".
March 2,1927
Babe Ruth of the New York Yankees
became the highest paid baseball player
to date when he signed a 3 year contract
calling for $70,000 per year. When
informed that his new salary was higher
than that of the president of the United
States, Ruth replied, "I had a better
year".
March 6,1896
Charles Brady King drove around the
streets of Detroit in his "Horseless Carriage", the first automobile to appear on
the streets of what subsequendy was to
become the "Motor Capital of America". (When his vehicle broke down on
one of the city's main streets, spectators
jeered, "Get a horse!", a cry that was to
be heard regularly during the next decade.
Science Sales Manager-David Way rounds a difficult turn
during the Science Week trike race, friend in mouth.
ce Ski Trip
BIOSOC has a SKI TRIP weekend booked in the AMS WHISTLER SKI CABIN, March 24th to 26th (Easter
Weekend). The Enormous Cabin accomodates 30 people and comes complete with a Jacuzzi, Sauna and Large Rustic
Livingroom. All Science students are welcome to sign up. Whisder is a world-class skiing resort with awesome facilities
and slopes. Get that fantastic last ski trip in before its all over. This promises to be a super ski V party weekend! We
will car pool up to Whistler Friday morning. For those keen to ski for real, you can get a 3 Day Pass for the whole weekend.
Food can be arranged on a group basis of $5 -10 each for the weekend or you can just hit the local spots. Sunday
morning(?) we head back (except for those diehard 3 Day passers who want another day). COST of accomodation for
Friday and Saturday Night is $24. First come, first serve. In order to reserve a spot, sign up and pay in full by Thursday,
February 23,5:30 pm at the SUS Office (Scarfe Bldg., Rm 9). Please indicate if you have a car and are willing to drive.
See you there.
IF YOU WANT BLOOD...
February 7,1989
Miss Julie Memory
First Vice-President
Science Undergraduate Society
Dear Julie,
Congratulations, the SUS sponsored
Blood Donor Clinics were extremely
successful; unbelievably surpassing the
results of a year ago by 125%.
Two hundred and thirty-eight donors
(205 units collected) attended on Tuesday, January 24,1989; 242 donors (212
units collected) attended on Wednesday,
January 25,1989; 247 donors (206 units
collected) attended on Thursday, January 26, 1989; followed by 234 donors
(197 units collected) on Friday, January
27,1989. A record breaking 961 donors
(820 units collected) attended the clinics.
I think you will be extremely pleased to
know that the SUS sponsored clinics
surpassed the EUS sponsored clinics in
the fall of 1988! Crucial to the continued
success of the Blood Program is the percentage of first-time donors, which
averages 9% in British Columbia. An
incredible 26% (218) first-time donors
attended the clinics.
On behalf of The Canadian Red Cross
Society I would like to thank you and the
Science Undergraduate Society for your
tremendous support of the Blood Donor
Recruitment Program.
Sincerely,
Sandra S. Broughton
Program Consultant
Clinic PLanning & Design
The Canadian Red Cross Society
MOLLUSC MEANDERING
Dear 432,
Where are you people coming from?
"Happy as a clam?" Man, a clam does
not know happiness. It takes all day to
move a lousy few inches. We're as ugly
as sin. We have no friends. When we
have sex, it's just disgusting. We eat fish
waste. Our big thrill is opening our shells
a bit and blowing out a little clam gas. If
that's happy, then call Dr. Carefoot and
tell him I'm ready for the chowder bowl.
Jeff the Clam
Strait of Juan de Fuca
Hey, life isn't so bad. Up here we have
to deal with international terrorism,
industrial waste, Chevrolet Vegas, engineers, and Hostess Cajunflavour potato
chips. Andyou thinkyou have problems.
-Ed.
(Extra note: Jeff got his wish. He had
made it a few inches down the corridor
after dropping off his letter before we
bagged him for some bouillabaise.
Yum.)
February 22,1989 STORM THE WALL - GET TEAMS IN NOW!
Ask Uncle Rusty
Dear UNCLE RUSTY,
I am suffering from post-holiday
blahs. The miserable weather here in
Vancouver is keeping me indoors. The
excitement of student elections is over.
Football season has ended and it is yet
too early for baseball season to begin.
My wallet is still empty from overspending at Christmas and all my charge card
privileges have been revoked. This has
got to be the dullest, most depressing
time of year. I need some advice on how
I can glide through the rest of the school
year and raise my spirits until the gray
months are finished and spring arrives.
Sincerely,
DOWN AND OUT AT UBC
Dear DOWN AND OUT,
I sympathize with you. It'snot easy to
entertain oneself when one is engulfed
with winter blues. Here are some diversions that workfor me—maybe they can
help you pass the time until the sunshine
arrives.
DRINKING: Always a favourite of
mine. Get roaring drunk. This is a solid
reliable remedy for the doldrums, especially when in parts of the world that
have long cold winters. In Finland for
example, so many people use this
method of fighting off the blahs that the
government provides free hangover stations to administer oxygen and vitamins.
So, consider throwing a log on the fire
ana becoming absolutely stinko. Every
so often, throw on another log and uncork another jug. Before you know it,
spring will be here and all the birds will
be singing; then you can take a bath,
shave off your three month growth of
beard, throw all the empties out in the
alley, stagger outside for a breath of
fresh air, and walk down to the neighbourhood pub for a drink.
BROODING: Brooding is often overlooked as an excellent way to pass dull
time, and yet it's something you can do
any time by yourself. Just pick out all the
things that you hate about yourself, or
think back to all the terrible mistakes
you've made with your life; things that
make you feel guilty and ashamed. Or
think about all the cruel and thoughtless
ways your friends, your fellow students
andyour neighbours have ever hurt your
feelings. Then sit in front of the fire or in
a dimly lit room and dwell on them at
length. Go over them time after time,
reliving each awful and shameful detail.
The hours will just fly by. (Remember:
You can combine brooding with drinking and have one hell of a time!)
WINTER SPORTS: Skiing has become
very popular and there is also winter
camping and ice fishing. But, I don't
recommend any of these—they can give
you a heart attack, frostbite, or broken
legs. The best winter sport is shooting
pool;. You can meet really fascinating
people in pool halls or in bars that have
pool tables. You can gamble and swear
and get in fights and buy and sell stolen
merchandise. And even if you're not a
good pool player, don't worry. You can
play the pin-ball machines or video
games or just hang around. Something
is bound to happen.
CORRESPONDENCE: People don't
write letters any more but they should.
It's a wonderful form of human contact.
And it's an inexpensive but constructive
way to fill empty time—especially writing hate letters. Make a list of the ten or
twenty people you hate the most and
write them long letters telling them why
you hate them in vivid detail. They don't
have to be famous people, although
that's always fun. Friends, relatives,
neighbours or old flames will do. If you
have illegible handwriting and can't
type, then consider cassettes. With a
cassette, you can growl, or yell or say
any obscene old thing that pops into your
head.
BINOCULARS: Powerful binoculars
are great fun if you live in a high-rise. If
your binoculars are strong enough, you
can find another high-rise with its
drapes open. You can watch other
people eating, sleeping, talking, having
sex, exercising, murdering each other
and all kinds of things. Or, you and a
friend can open your drapes and pretend
to murder each other, and if the police
show up, you' 11 know that somebody else
was watching you.
HOLDING SOMEONE HOSTAGE:
Usually, husbands take their kids hostage, although occasionally boyfriends
seize their girlfriends. Whatever the
case, it's a lively winter-time activity.
Just fling a chair or lamp through the
front window, scream some crazy
threats and in no time the police will
have your place surrounded and will be
talking to you through bullhorns. The
TV cameras will show up, and after an
hour or two, you can surrender. You
might wind up spending a couple of
weeks in a nuthouse, which could be a
surprisingly interesting way to get
through the winter doldrums. On top of
it all, you might get lucky and get a high
speed car ride in the back of a paddy
wagon, complete with flashing lights
and siren.
There are obviously many more types
of winter activities than these few that
are mentioned here. Readers with their
own pet ways of fighting off the winter
blahs are invited to share them with us.
Sincerely, UNCLE RUSTY
Dear UNCLE RUSTY,
I recently had a very confusing experience and I am still trying to find out
what happened to me. Math tests have
always been a problem with me but I got
extra prepared this time and was hoping
to do well on my latest calculus midterm.
Everything seemed normal until I
opened the test paper. I went to the usual
room, saw the usual people, and the
usual professor handed out a normal
looking exam, but when I opened the
paper I couldn't understand, let alone
answer, a single question. This has
happened to me on tests before so I
turned the page and tried to find a question I could answer. All the later pages
were written in mirror writing. I looked
up and saw that nobody else seemed to
be having problems. Then I noticed that
the clock indicated there were only five
minutes left on the exam. After another
look at the exam to try to find something
I could do, I gave up and sat around in a
daze. It was at this point that I noticed
that the girl in the seat before me was
doing the test by staring at it until the
answer appeared on the paper. I tried this
but I guess my concentration wasn't as
good. At this point the exam ended.
What on earth happened?
Sincerely,
Brinvod Grethman
Existentialism III
Dear Brinvod,
You have big problems. Shave your
head, sell short on IBM stock, murder
Salman Rushdie (and collect $5.2 million from Ayatollah Khomeini), move to
Tibet and set up aBurger King franchise
in the Himalayas. Good luck.
Sincerely,
UNCLE RUSTY
Visiting Speakers
Maclean-Hunter is sponsoring a
series of speaking engagements
by well-known Canadians on the
UBC campus.
Peter C. Newman, former editor
of Maclean's magazine and author of two books on the history of
the Hudson's Bay Company,
Company of Adventurers and
Ccesars of the Wilderness, will be
speaking on creative non-fiction
and writing on business and politics on February 24th at 12:30PM
in the Frederic Wood Theatre.
Pierre Berton, bastion of Canadian content and author of dozens
of books, as well as perpetual
panelist on Front Page Challenge, will speak on writing popular history and creative non-fiction on March 17th, also at 12:30
in Freddy Wood.
Susan Crean will speak on creative non-fiction and writing about
Canadian culture on March 29th
in Buchanan A100 at 12:30PM.
So all you cultural type people
should show up, eh?
Yes, there's still all sorts of nifty Science gear
to be had at Science Sales in Scarfe 9, including the following:
»4©
MBir@IDgjSl
WSoudltaftao3©
m¥mmW SwssrMIIirlls
EDMsflin) TT-slrDllirtt©
S0(U)oPDSa ¥=©!f«©
IH]®©k®^ J®ir©®^©
IHliuiDfoy Slrullirtt©
Lairg)® S©S®on©® W®w®od ©ir®©ft©
SroosDO S©S®[fi)©® ©ir®©ii©
<JJH©fe@tt TUg]© (©OH @irc!]®ir) name, dept., etc.
2M™ MMmhmm §l L®»[r©
©no3 WBgu(s1®w Sttfl©lk®[r©
$4
$1©
$ ©
$ 2
$ §
$ 11
§@©
Mon-Fri 9:30AM-4:30PM. 6% Tax not included.
February 22,1989 STORM THE WALL - GET TEAMS IN NOW!
A totally irrelevant picture of the Chemistry building.
We Are the
Oceanographers
by G. Crawford
We are the oceanographers
We're courteous and kind
A finer group of researchers
You'll never find
For if you need to borrow things
Like thermistors, we've got 'em
And if your ship has barnacles
We'll come and scrub your bottom
We are the oceanographers
We think we're superhuman
But when it comes right down to it
We're just like any crewman
It doesn't matter who we are
The experts or the rookies
For when the ocean gets too rough
We all will toss our cookies
I do marine biology
That is my occupation
I study bioprocesses
Like dinoflagellation
I wade hip deep through photic zone
and wrestle chlorophyll
And then, much like a killer whale
I dive in for the krill
We are the oceanographers
Now you know what we do
And now our song is almost done
It's time to have a brew
Some day we'll be world famous
With our own T.V. show
So look out, Dave Suzuki
Move over, Jacques Cousteau.
AMS Report
by Ari Giligson, AMS Rep
Wednesday the 15th marked a record 4.5
hour meeting for the AMS Council. Since the
new Executive came in all of the big committees had to have new people appointed so I
wound up on Hiring and Selections and Julie
Memory (SUS First Vice Prez) on hiring and
Capital Projects (CPAC). So what kept us
there for so long? First of all, Andrew
Markus from Duke's asked to make apresen-
tation to council. We moved in camera (i.e.
all guests leave) to debate whether we should
let Markus speak. 1 argued that anyone
should be allowed to speak but others were
worried that legal problems may arise. The
vote was something like 5 in favour and 20
against letting Markus to a presentation.
The other big issue was the petition to hold
a second referendum on the RecFac. According to the by-laws of the AMS the referendum
wording will have to be decided upon by
student court and the actual voting would
have to take place either at the end of April or
the beginning of September. More money
was involved in another contentious issue,
student protests about education. Vanessa
Geary was asking for support in the order of
$1000 but Karl Kottmeir was willing to give
in the order of $0. Finally we decided to give
$300 in support to a protest scheduled for
around March 9th downtown.
In other news the AMS Annual General
Meeting went without a hitch and was adjourned after 30 minutes. Questions, comments, advice etc. can be addressed to me at
AMS box #148 or, of course, at the SUS
office. NB: death threats should be sent to
SUB 241K.
LAB LAFS
AtiOTrlER   PROBLEM  OF
BEING *THE   FLY"
J
Neo-Nazi
Intelligence
Tests?
(Adapted from Southam Press)
A professor at the University of West-
em Ontario is being investigated because of papers he has published recently which state that Orientals are intellectually superior to Whites and
Blacks (in that order, which is reversed
for such other attributes as size of sexual
organs, etc.).
"It just destroys the kind of work we
are trying to do, to bring together a society based in equality of opportunity,"
said Ontario Premier David Peterson,
who also believes the professor should
be fired.
Philippe Rushton, a psychology professor at Western, says that evolution
has produced racial differences in intelligence and physical characteristics. The
London Urban Alliance on Race Relations has asked that all Rushton's academic privileges be withdrawn, and
outrage has been expressed by
such scientific luminaries as Dr.
David Suzuki (of UBC's Zoology
department). Rushton claims that
the Alliance's demands are "silly,
anti-intellectual, anti-scientific,
and anti-democratic. It sounds as
bad as when creationists argue that
evolution shouldn't be taught."
It has recently come to light that
Rushton's research has, in part,
been financed by an American
organization founded in 1937 by
neo-Nazi partisans. This fact was
uncovered after an investigation of
American tax records. Investigations by the Province of Ontario
and the University continue.
The Deadlines for
The 432 are:
March 1,15,1989
Submissions are always welcome in the 432 box in Scarfe.
The 432 is published by the Science Undergraduate Society of the
University of British Columbia,
located in room 9 of the Scarfe
Education Building, 2125 Main
Mall, Vancouver, B.C., Canada,
V6T1W5. Phone (604) 228-4235.
© 1989 SUS Publications.
Volume 2, Number 10, published
Wednesday, February 22,1989.
Editor: Derek K. Miller
Contributors: Russ Monger,
Kyle R. Kirkwood, Derek Miller,
Chris Bendl, Ari Giligson, Gautam
Lohia, Johan Stroman, Irene Doro-
cicz, G. Crawford
Artists: Ken Otter, Adam Chong
Photographic: Derek Miller, Ari
Giligson
Typing: Derek Miller, Ari
Giligson, Chris Bendl, Russ Monger
Layout:  Derek Miller, Chris
Bendl
Distribution: Derek Miller
Printed by College Printers Ltd.
Thursday meetings seem not to be
working, so if you want to find me
(Derek), come to Scarfe 9. I'm
around most lunch hours. I don't
have much else to say, so I'll make
a plug: listen to CITR FM 101.9.
The usual non-top 40 music, news,
sports, and the like, all at an antenna-blasting 1800 (million billion) watts. You can even pick it up
on cable if you're determined and
if you know the frequency, which I
don't.
The 432
February 22,1989 STORM THE WALL - GET TEAMS IN NOW!
On Memory and Learning
by Kyle R. Kirkwood
While you may recall your first kiss,
it's unlikely you will remember last
night's dinner; yet it is more likely that
you will recall yesterday's breakfast,
especially if it was sugar-coated. And
just as likely is that you have already
forgotten my name, even though you just
read it at the start of this article. Some
events appear to be more intrinsically
important to out memories: a car accident, or a romantic tryst, a failed exam,
or a job promotion. Evidently we remember important events and often the
circumstances surrounding them better
than other events, even ones occurring
more recently. But why? Why are important events remembered better than
trivial ones?
It wasn't until the 1960's when the
science of the biology of memory discovered that the brain could be altered by
experience. Precise, yet minute changes
occur in the brains of animals reared in
different environments, or when they
receive specific training techniques. The
modifications occur in the area of dendritic branching of certain cell populations. The dendrites are a major source of
incoming information to neurons, and
the transmission of information between
cells may be modified by these structural
changes. Yet what makes one memory
trivial and forgetful and another important and remembered?
Memory research has found evidence
that recent memories exhibit remarkable
plasticity, allowing new memories to be
readily influenced by a rapid succession
of newer experiences. Thus the brain can
receive additional information defining
whether the recent events are worthy of
storage. This additional information can
instruct the brain to store or dump new
memories. Arousal and the subsequent
interest or curiosity appear to be major
factors in the addition of new memories.
Yerkes-Dodson's law, a psychological
law developed at the turn of the century,
states the relationship between arousal
and performance follows an inverted U-
shaped curve in which low and high
arousal levels are related to poor learned
performance.
Once interest has been piqued or
aroused, a physiological response related to memory becomes identifiable;
the mechanism for this change is hormonal. There are distinct changes in the
amount of hormone in the blood directly
related to the level of the learning experience. Simply by artificially increasing
the hormone level a trivial detail can
become locked into the memory with
much greater force.
Several hormones, such as adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH) and vasopressin, have such effects. While likely
not the most important nor the only
hormone related to memory, adrenaline
is by far the most readily researched. It is
highly responsive to changes in the
environment. It is often released in the
body during experiences that involve
learning. Researchers have found that an
injection of adrenaline immediately after training increases mice and rats'
memories of what they have been taught.
Many stimulant drugs enhance memory
storage when administered immediately
after training, but not after longer intervals. Indeed, it appears likely that most
memory treatments which act upon
memory storage can both enhance and
impair memory depending on such factors as dosage and the specific nature of
the learning situation. The important
feature is that the shape of the curve is an
inverted U, just as one would expect
from the Yerkes-Dodson law.
Adrenaline is associated with happy
memories or those based on rewards, as
well as unhappy memories or those
based onb punishment. So powerful is its
effect that even under deep anaesthesia a
learned response is possible. In one
experiment an anaesthetized rat is played
a tone and given an electrical stimulus.
Rats injected with adrenaline upon
waking and hearing the tone reacted
fearfully, often fleeing the source of the
sound or curling up into a foetal ball. The
control rats and those given a saline
injection remained unaffected by the
tone upon wakening.
Adrenaline given immediately after
learning enhances memory retention,
and as such would make an excellent
treatment for memory loss, except for a
variety of unfortunate side effects, including cardiovascular problems. Instead, it becomes necessary to discover
how adrenaline regulates memory retan-
tion. Adrenaline must somehow affect
brain processes, and yet adrenaline is
unable to pass through the blood-brain
membrane, a sort of filter protecting the
brain. Paradoxically, then, adrenaline
affects the brain, but does not directly act
upon it.
Adrenaline release is often associated
with hyperglycemia, an increase in the
blood sugar (glucose) levels in the body.
It appears that adrenaline in the blood
stream triggers an increase in glucose,
which in turn regulates the storage of
memories. The effects of glucose, like
adrenaline, are time-dependent: the
sooner the done is received by the brain
the more powerful the memory. Like
adrenaline, the dose response curve follows the Yerkes-Dodson inverted U, so
that an intermediate dose is more effective than a large or small one. Intermediate glucose levels correspond to the
body's own glucose levels immediately
after a powerful learning experience
(about 100 mg/kg for a rat).
Drugs that block or lower glucose
levels often result in memory impairment Young children who have an
immature blood glucose regulation system, and the very old suffering from a
breakdown in their own blood sugar
regulation will often suffer memory
loss, which appears to be easily corrected by drinking glucose solution.
Obviously adrenaline somehow increases glucose levels, but how the
mechanism by which glucose acts works
remains unknown.
Unlike adrenaline, glucose is a safe
drug for humans. For the sake of a few
cavities it seems ver likely that a glass of
lemonade infused with glucose may be
the next smart pill.
Rec Fac, Take Two
Just when you thought it was safe to trust old adages Dept.:
Researchers at the U.S. National Climate Research Centre in Denver, Colorado, recently discovered two identical snowflakes.
A second Recreation Facility referendum will most likely take place early
next fall, according to SAC member and
Commissioner of the last referendum,
Chris Bendl. The AMS has been given a
petition of 1000 student signatures requesting anew referendum in lightof the
10% increase in tuition fees. According
to the AMS code and by-laws, 1000 signatures is all that is needed to call a referendum. The AMS lawyers have reviewed the petition and submitted a list
of proposals to the AMS. Mike Lee,
AMS President, is expected to elaborate
on the details this week. "The petition
must be scrutinized to make sure there
were no irregularities on gathering the
signatures," he says.
Meanwhile, planning, architecture,
and contracting for theRecreationFacil-
ity will continue "full speed ahead" says
Andrew Hicks, chair of the RecFac development committee. "We have a student mandate to build the Recreation
Dumb Question
Answers
(questions on page 3)
1. King George's first name was Albert
but he respected the wish that no
English king ever take the name of
Albert, her beloved prince consort.
2. A Douglas fir is actually a pine tree.
3. French fries originated in Belgium.
After their introduction in the late
19th century, they became very
popular in northern France - hence
their name.
4. German silver is composed of copper,
zinc, and nickel. It contains no silver.
5. Tennessee Williams was born Thomas Williams in Columbus, Mississippi.
6. The USS Constitution was nicknamed
Facility and we must make steady progress to have it completed on schedule."
Board of Governors representative
and former AMS President Tim Bird
expects that "students will pass this referendum in larger numbers than last
year." In November roughly 1/3 of UBC
students voted 61% in favour of the
facility, which is an integral part of the
University administration's development plans, along with improved
daycare and a consolidated library system, and other building expansions.
The administration and the provincial
government have already pledged funding for the Recreation Facility. Two
AMS representatives will visit Ottawa
later this year to meet with Conservative,
Liberal, and NDP MP's to request further funding for RecFac.
The Recreation Facility should be
completed by 1991.
Old Ironsides because its wooden
hull survived many sea battles.
7. Mexico is the world's largest Spanish-
speaking country, with a population
double that of Spain.
8. Shakespeare's play takes place in
spring, around May Day.
9. The Colorado Desert is in California,
the Florida Mountains in New Mexico, and the Missouri Valley in Iowa.
10. Honeybees  collect  nectar  from
which they produce honey.
11. Usually Pluto is the ninth planet from
the Sun, but due to its eccentric orbit
Pluto is closer to the Sun than Neptune for about 20 of the 248 years it
takes the planet to orbit the Sun. At
the moment, Neptune is the ninth
planet from the Sun.
12. Pennsylvania. The rifle was popular
ized by Kentucky frontiersmen.
13. Why, 1812 of course.
The 432
February 22,1989 STORM THE WALL - GET TEAMS IN NOW!
Victoria gives UBC
$750,000 to plan new
building
by Greg Dickson
(from UBC Reports, Feb. 9)
The provincial government will
provide $750,000 to develop
architectural plans for UBC's
new Academic amd Administrative Services Building and the
Brock Hall Student Services addition.
"This will enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of the
University's operations," said
Advanced Education Minister
Stan Hagen. "It's an investment
in increased productivity."
UBC President David Strang-
way said he was extremely
pleased with the government's
announcement. "The various academic and administrative units
are inadequately housed, often in
derelict huts that pose fire hazards
and have been condemned by the
fire department. The safety of
workers is a major concern,"
Strangway said. The $14-million
project will allow the demolition
of the huts which date back to the
Second World War.
The Brock Hall addition is part
of UBC's master plan to put all
student services under one roof.
The Registrar's Office, the Student Housing and Conference
Department and the Awards and
Financial Aid office will be part
of the same as the Counselling
and Resource Centre.
"This will provide a significant
improvement in the services provided to students at UBC," said
Strangway.
Ministry officials expect planning to be complete by the fall,
when the final budget will be
submitted to cabinet. Construction should be complete by the
fall of 1991.
V\
We Will not >c
Undersold //
o^
March 3
.2447
February 22,1989 STORM THE WALL - GET TEAMS IN NOW!
Science Wins Centipede
Sports Report
by Gautam Lohia, Sports Director
Centipede Results
There are four GRAND SLAM events
each year: Logan Cycle 200, Arts-20,
Storm the Wall, and the Centipede
Championships. To win any one of these
prestigious events is difficult as many
teams usually enter and the level of
competition is high. So, a victory in one
of these events is a considerable accomplishment for the participants involved.
Well, this year, the Free Radicals
Men's team of Science, organized by
Stan Jang, won the Centipede Championships. They outraced the Betas and
the Engineers for the coveted Centipede
title. In doing so, they brought to Science their first Grand Slam event title in
many years. Congratulations should go
to Stan and the rest of his "velocipedes".
But, that wasn't all for the good news
from Centipede. Science put in 7 teams:
4 men's, 2 corec, and 1 women's team.
Our women's team did well finishing
5th, and one of the Corec teams finished
in 2nd place in their category.
To add to the competition of this race,
prizes are given for best costume. Some
noticeable costumes were the 'Trojan
Horse', the walking 'Syringe', and the
'Ribcage'. Science costumes included a
Polypeptide from Biology, a 'Chromosome Walking' also from Biology (with
Kande Williston as the 'Jumping
Gene'), and Santa and his Reindeer
(including Binky the elf and Rudolph)
from Computer Science and Physics..
Santa's team, 'Ho-Ho-Ho', finished last
of all teams (how does he do it at Christmas?), but sang and danced its way to the
first prize for costumes.
In all, it was a successful event for
Science.
Storm the Wall
Storm the Wall is coming up soon.
The dates for registration are Feb 28th to
March 10th. You can sign up in the
Science office (Scarfe 9). This event is
Canada's largest intramural event It is
probably one of the most fun events to
participate in as well. For those that
don't know, the format is as follows:
1) Teams consist of 5 people and a spare.
2)Firstpersonruns400m (around SUB).
3) Then, the second person swims 300m
(in the Aquatic Centre pool).
4) Then, the third person runs 1km.
5) Then, the fourth person cycles 6km.
6) And finally, all 5 people climb over a
12 foot wall.
For entering, everyone gets t-shirts.
The fee is $35.00/team only. This price
includes the t-shirt and a commemorative badge from Science plus all the
thrills of storming the wall!! Askanyone
who did it last year how much fun they
had. If you are interested or just have
some questions, come down to our office
and talk to someone in sports.
Science will be putting in competitive
and non-competitive teams in all categories: men's, women's and corec. Rebates will not be given for this event.
WANTED
Science Cyclists,
Swimmers, and
Runners
for Storm the Wall
(March 12-17)
We will be putting In competitive
and noncompetitive teams.
White, 100% cotton shirts
with a black BIOSOC logo
on the front and red
"Biohazardous!" symbol
on the back.
See display in the Bio Sci 2300 ball.
Order forms outside Bio Sci 2000. Pay by March 3.
Notice to All Passengers Using Aircraft
If you will kindly observe the following
rules, it will be a hell of a lot easier and
more comfortable for the crew - after all,
whose airplane is this?
1. Keep your damn feet off the seats.
2. Don't get snooty with the crew.
Remember, yourpilotis still learning
to fly and he's even more scared than
you.
3. Keep your damn feet off the seats.
4. If a fellow passenger gets anxious,
knock him on the head with an empty
whiskey botde.
5. Eyes forward at all times.
6. Leave each crew member a healthy
tip.
7. Don't ask embarrassing questions of
the crew, such as:
a) Where are we?
b) What time will we land?
c) Who made that landing?
d) Where is the can?
e) Where are we going? How fast?
How high? etc.
f) How's the weather? Is that a front
up ahead?
Hell, they don't know!
8. If you don't like the food, to hell with
you. The boss likes it
9. Only six people allowed in the can at
one time. Please observe!
10. Keep your damn feet off the seats.
Ari Giligson and our friend Lucifer.
The 432
February 22,1989

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